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brekkerism · 5 years ago

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BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

“So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

“I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

“O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

“You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

“No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

“Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

And I didn’t really want to.

****

A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

*****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my mouth.

Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

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heich0e · 3 years ago

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hi liv! (☆▽☆) so i was having my #percolatethoughtoftheday today and i was wondering (if you're comfortable with it ofc) if you can share some of the planning process for percolate with us? were there any major plot point changes that would've greatly affected the story? was there anything you removed that you regretted, was there anything you added in last minute, which scene was the hardest to get right, which scene did you speed through, etc etc? because percolate is like 130k+ words which means it definitely has gone through some really ~intense planning~, i'm curious to know more about its behind the scenes process... kinda like how they post behind the scenes footage for a film or a music video after it's released! :-O

have a great sunday <3 (and enjoy ur party... hehe)

yuna :( this is so cute :( i hope you had a great weekend sweet girl

all of percolate's plot was planned and written out in may of 2021. it started as what was supposed to be a one-shot for a friend's birthday (who, as far as I'm aware, has never actually even read the fic LMAO) but the word count was quickly in the thousands and I knew that I had something a bit more unwieldy than expected on my hands. If I'm remembering correctly I hit 10k words in about a day of writing, and I immediately knew that in order to include all of the events that I saw in my head in the story I'd need it to be multichaptered.

I set a kind of arbitrary number of chapters (12 initially) based on the word count of what I then knew to be chapter 1, and took 12 pages of paper and wrote out (by hand!!) the plot and the major story points that I wanted to happen in each chapter. I still have all of those papers, and they're so illegible and chaotic that I'm sure if anyone else tried to read them it would be like a different language LMAO. The planning process was actually very easy, and happened so quickly (all in the span of an hour or so), and then I guess all that was really left to do was write it.

The only major deviations from my initial plot outline that I can speak to are that chapter 10 (levi's POV) was a late, last-minute addition, because I felt that it was important to show at least a bit of what he'd been experiencing so far. There was also another chapter (I think 9 or 11?) that I ended up having to split into 2 because it was going to be too long. There was also a very brief moment in time where Rookie and Erwin were going to hook up but that was scrapped within the first few days, and I'm happy with that decision because I think it would have really unnecessarily complicated the (already kind of messy) plot.

Honestly I sped through writing most of the fic--I know that there were MONTHS LONG waits between chapters, but when I did finally overcome my fic anxiety and just sit down with my chapter outlines to write them, I would say that no chapter took me more than a couple of hours to write. Chapter 14 was likely the hardest just in terms of the amount of stress I felt. By that point there were so many people waiting for the ending that I felt an enormous pressure to do justice to this story that they had been so kind about, and followed intently. I really didn't ever think that anyone would read this fic, so by the time the end rolled around I was more than a bit overwhelmed lmaooo.

If I knew at the outset what I know now about how percolate would be received I think it would have scared me off writing it. I'd never written anything like it before, much less shared it with the world, and it really did just start off as a fun thing I was doing for myself. I'm glad I wrote it, even more glad people actually read it, and am so so sso so so so grateful for the things that I learned and the people who I've gotten to meet through the experience.

Anyway, I have talked for long enough now. If anyone actually reads this unduly long post my sincerest apologies!!

#liv got mail #perc lore #perc asks

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crimeshowtrash · 4 years ago

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Second Chances

Chapter 3

Warnings: none

Words: 1.5k

Updates: every Tuesday

A/N: I have some blurbs about Hotch and Maya’s first impressions of the other. They’re going to be posted soon! Also yay for me bc I don’t have COVID! But I did catch a bug from one of the kids at work so that’s why this chapter is up later than normal.

Find out what happened in Chapter 2

“Knock Knock”, said Maya before entering Hotch’s office.

“Good morning Bose, what can I do for you?”, asked Hotch.

“You can accept these cookies and come over for dinner this weekend as an apology for my daughter's behavior”, said Maya.

“You don’t need to do that. Kids will be kids”, replied Hotch.

“I know, but Mira is a whole different breed this most”, said Maya.

“She’ll turn out great. Just look at who she has to look up to”, responded Aaron.

“Who? A deadbeat dad, a single mom who’s barely keeping it together, and grandparents who outwardly hate her mom. She won family of the year”, huffed out Maya.

Aaron’s eyes softened, looking at Maya with a warmheartedly.

“Enough about me. We insist! And bring Jack. They’ll have loads of fun”, said Maya placing a fresh cup of coffee and the chocolate chip cookies that had been baked the night before.

“We’ll come but only if we can bring dessert”, replied Aaron.

“Sounds like a plan. Saturday at 7:30 work for you?”, asked Maya.

“Sounds good. And thank you for the cookies”, said Hotch.

“No problem Hotch! And before I leave, any allergies or deep dislikes I need to know about?”, asked Maya.

“Nope, Any requests for dessert?”, questioned Aaron.

“How about ice cream? You can’t go wrong there”, said Maya.

Hotch smiled and said “got it” before Maya left the room.

***

Maya rushed around the townhouse, getting ready for the Hotchners who should be arriving any second now. The smell of freshly baked bread permeated throughout. The autumnal candles burning, and Mira watching Dragon Tales filled the small home the two had made for themselves.

The doorbell rang, Maya took off her apron and quickly inspected her white sweater for any food stains before heading downstairs to get the door. “Come on in you two. It’s pretty chilly outside for early November”, said Maya, ushering the two in.

Aaron and Jack walked into the foyer, the nervous smile on Jack’s face melted her heart.

“And you must be the famous Jack Hotcher I’ve heard so much about”, said Maya crouching down to the small child tightly gripping his father's hand.

Jack nodded and said, “yes Ma’am”.

Smiling at the adorable kid Maya said, “you don’t need to call me Ma’am, just Maya will do. How about I show you to the living room where Mira is playing with Legos and watching tv?”.

Jack nodded his head eagerly before pausing to look up at his father.

“Go! You don’t need to ask me for permission here”, said Hotch with a nod of his head.

Jack ran up the stairs, heading for the television.

“You sure do make cute kids Hotch”, said Maya before blushing as she realized what she said.

“I mean...uhm. I didn’t mean that”, stuttered out Maya.

A blushing Hotch said, “don’t worry about it”.

After a very hearty meal of seafood bisque (with a tomato and basil option for the kids), freshly baked bread, and salad, the group made their way to the sofa.

“Ma, can we play Candyland?”, asked Mira.

“What do you say Jack, you wanna play Candyland?”, asked Maya looking towards the younger of the Hotchner men.

“Yes please!”, piped out the young boy.

“Okay, you all set it up while I go get dessert”, said Maya.

“Do you need any help?”, asked Aaron.

“Sure, let the kids set up the game. You can help me with the coffee.”, replied Maya.

The two walked into the kitchen where Maya took out the coffee mugs.

“Here you go. I’ll go get the ice cream for the kids” said Maya, handing Hotch the mugs.

“Thanks, and what water do you normally use?”, questioned Hotch.

“Filtered please!”, responded Maya, pointing to the Brita by the sink.

Hotch set to making the coffee as Maya waited for the ice cream to thaw and become more scoopable.

“So how have you been liking being on the team”, asked Hotch.

“In all honesty, It’s been an adjustment. Working with people who have created their own family while being an outsider is difficult. And not only that but you all are the most perceptive group of people I have ever worked with”, sighed out Maya.

Hotch’s face held a look of understanding.

“I remember what it was like when I first got here. I know it can be tough, especially for people who like keeping some semblance of privacy”, said Aaron.

“Exactly. I love being a part of the team. It’s been what I’ve wanted for years. But you all tell eachother everything. And while I am open with certain parts of my life, there are other parts of me that nobody outside of like 4 people know”, replied Maya fiddling with the ice cream scoop.

“They’re nosy. I’ll give you that. But they’re just trying to help. All the team wants is for everyone to feel like they can be open and talk about their life and any problems they may have”, said Aaron.

“I guess it’s just a personal thing. I never really had anyone these past 10 years or so that I felt I could truly confide in so I don’t feel comfortable opening up to people anymore. But I mean that’s how abusers want you to feel, right? That you’re all alone so that you don’t ever leave”.

A sorrow look appeared on Aaron’s face as he reached his hand out to hold Maya’s.

“Maya, if you ever need anything you know you can come to us, right?”

Maya’s heart fluttered as she said, “I know Hotch, but honestly he’s the reason Mira is in my life. So he did something good, right??”.

“Absolutely, Mira might be a handful just like her mother but we wouldn’t trade you for the world, just like you wouldn’t trade her”, said Aaron truthfully.

Maya smiled, a twinkle in her eye, as the oven beeped.

She opened the oven, the warmth of both the oven and smell of cinnamon permeated.

“Maya, we were in charge of dessert. What did you do?”, asked Hotch as he poured the prepared coffee into the 2 mugs.

“Calm down Hotch. Nothing goes better with ice cream than freshly baked apple pie”, said Maya with a smile.

“You keep feeding us like this and Jack will never want to leave”, replied Hotch.

“And what about you?”, asked Maya.

“What about me?”, questioned Hotch.

“Don’t play dumb with me Agent, it’s not very becoming. Would you want to leave?”, reiterated Maya.

Looking at Maya intently with his smoldering eyes, Hotch said, “No, I wouldn’t want to leave either”, before taking the cups of coffee to the living room.

As he walked away, Maya couldn’t help but notice his back muscles rippling underneath his sweater as he took each step.

“Get yourself under control. His wife died mere months ago”, muttered Maya before she brought the dessert out to everyone.

As the two Hotchner's left for the evening after a riveting game of Candyland, Maya couldn’t help but wonder whether her and Hotch’s flirty banter was just that or whether they meant he held actual feelings for her.

***

Maya was filling up yet another cup of coffee before she went back to her desk to finish up her last report from the case when Hotch walked in.

“Jack has been talking about how cool Maya is recently”, said Hotch.

“Well, I am cool. So you’ve got a smart kid there”, said Maya smiling as she took a sip.

“We want to have you over and return the favor. And the kids get along great. So come on over this Saturday”, replied Hotch.

“Will do, want me to bring anything?”, asked Maya.

“Just yourself and Mira. After last time, I don’t trust you”, said Hotch.

“You do realize that I’ll bring something anyways”, said Maya with a grin.

Hotch smiled as he shook his head and headed back to his office.

***

“So what’s this Saturday?”, asked Emily.

“I don’t know, your neighbor's dog's baptism?”, asked Maya.

JJ snorted and Penelope was so very glad she had waited before taking a sip of her hot tea.

“No it’s your second date with Hotch!”, exclaimed Emily.

“No it’s not! We’re not dating!”, replied Maya loudly.

“But you want to be”, said Em.

Scoffing, Maya rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so what’s happening here?”, asked a confused Penny.

“Notching. I invited Jack and Hotch over as an apology dinner for the diarrheahead fiasco. And Jack and Mira seem to get along well so we’re having dinner at their place on Saturday”, replied Maya.

“And you’re not attracted to the man at all?”, questioned JJ.

“No! Absolutely not! And Hayley just died, what kind of monster do you take me for?”, asked Maya.

“It’s almost been a year Maya”, said JJ at the same time as Emily said, “a monster with eyes”.

“Okay, he might be nice to look at, but I am not into him at all”, stated Maya firmly.

“I don’t know about you guys but, methinks the lady doth protest too much”, said Penelope.

Taglist: @kathleenjasmine @mickeysmentalhealth

#Criminal Minds #aaron hotchner x oc #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner one shot #aaron hotchner fanfiction #bau #bau imagine #bau oneshot #bau fanfic #bau x oc #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds one shot #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds fic #bau fic #poc reader #poc fic

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empire-of-wildfire · 6 years ago

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Whatever It Takes - Chapter One

Okay so I technically lied when I said chapter one would be posted Sunday night, but it’s only 1:30am so that totally counts, right? Anyway, sorry for the delay but my weekend got a lot busier than I thought it would. I really wanted to get this chapter out though for you guys, so here it is! This chapter is 3.5k words, so that’s also part of why it took so long! I hope you guys like it!

Also! It gets very NSFW at the end, just a heads up :)

Feel free to send me any requests, feedback, etc. and let me know if you want to be tagged!

masterlist / previous chapter / next chapter

Aelin woke up to a large, fluffy pillow smacking her in the face

“Shit, Lys what the hell was that for?”

“You told me to wake you up when I got back, so I did.” Lysandra seemed strangely pleased with herself.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Yeah I know that, but was it necessary to wake me up by hitting me?”

“Seemed like both the fastest and funniest option, so yeah. Come on, I grabbed dinner from McDonald’s on the way home.

“Oh thank gods, I’m starving. I suppose I forgive you for so rudely waking me up.”

Lysandra smirked. “That’s what I thought.”

Two hours later, after a nice long shower, Aelin was sitting on her bed in her pale blue silk robe, staring at the dress – if it could even be called that – that Lysandra had said she was supposed to wear. Aelin wasn’t a prude by any means, but according to Lysandra she was woefully underprepared for a night out in terms of clothing. Aelin normally just wore ripped jeans and a cute shirt, but it seemed to be insufficient for whatever Lysandra had planned.

The dress is question looked more like a shirt. There was no way it was going to fit. It didn’t even have straps, for god’s sake. What was Lys thinking?

“Lys are you sure?” Aelin yelled down the hall.

Lys immediately yelled through the door at Aelin. “You said you wanted to go out tonight! You asked for this, you can’t half-ass going out. Put the dress on!” Aelin could practically feel her death stare through the door.

Aelin sighed and internally questioned why she decided to go out tonight, but reached for the dress. It felt almost too snug all over, and Aelin slowly turned around to look in the mirror, afraid of what she would see.

The dress was ridiculous. It barely hit her thighs, and clung to every single dip and curve on her body. There were some mesh stripes across her abdomen, and dipped low enough in the back Aelin was glad her hair was so long. If it wasn’t for Lys, Aelin would’ve never worn anything like this. But here she was, and Aelin wasn’t even sure she could get the dress back off, so she slipped on her heels – way too high and also Lysandra’s – and went to meet Lys in the living room.

Aelin had barely taken two steps into the living room when Aedion, her cousin and Lysandra’s boyfriend of a year and a half, immediately lost his shit.

“Where’s the rest of your outfit? Please tell me you’re not going out looking like that.”

Lysandra instantly jumped to Aelin’s defense. “Aedion shut up, I picked out that outfit and you have to admit she looks hot as hell.”

“She’s my cousin, I’m not going to admit anything like that!”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Honestly Aedion, why is it any different from when Lys wears dresses like this? We all know how much you enjoy it when she does,” she teased.

“You’re basically my little sister, it’s my job to make sure you don’t do anything too crazy.”

“Well I promise I’ll be good. Don’t have a heart attack.”

Aelin turned to Lysandra and grabbed her bag with her change of clothes, since they were spending the night at Aedion’s seeing as he lived closer to downtown than they did. “Ready?”

“Of course, let’s go!”

Aelin just sighed. It was going to be a long night.

-----

Three hours later, Aelin and Lys were at their second bar of the night. Aedion claimed he had no desire to spend the night drinking with them and told them to call him when they were ready to leave as he dropped them off at the first bar where they met up with Elide. She had an early class the next morning though, and went home early to sleep. Despite that, Aelin was starting to enjoy herself and had no intention of going home yet. She didn’t have class till eleven, and was going to enjoy her first night out in months if it was the last thing she ever did. They had headed to another bar, one that they knew Manon was working at.

Which is how they ended up drunk off their asses at 11:30 on a Wednesday night, laughing at anything and everything and having the time of their lives. Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so free. For a minute, she wasn’t a senior in college, about to leave everything she’d come to know behind and have to enter the real world. She wasn’t a girl who was still haunted by her past, or the girl who felt so lost and confused she didn’t know what to do. She was just Aelin, having fun with her best friend in the world.

Aelin was sitting at the bar talking to Manon when Lysandra came back from the bathroom.

“Let’s go, I wanna find somewhere we can dance,” she whined.

“There’s a club across the street,” Manon supplied helpfully.

Aelin narrowed her eyes at her. “You just want us to leave because we’re drunk.”

Manon laughed. “Okay partially, but I’m serious about the club. Asterin and I have been in there a few times.”

Aelin nodded and slid off the barstool. “Okay cool. We’ll do that then. See you later Manon!”

The two girls made their way across the street and found themselves inside another, albeit more spacious bar. There was still nobody dancing though.

“Maybe Manon was wrong about the club part,” Lysandra suggested.

“Who cares, we’re already here so we might as well get something to drink,” Aelin replied.

They quickly got drinks from the bartender and sat down at a booth in the corner.

Suddenly Aelin shot straight up in her seat. “Oh my gods, Lys look!”

Lysandra whipped her head around but had no idea what Aelin was talking about. “What am I supposed to be looking at?”

“Lys. There are four Terrasen City players in here right now. Holy shit, this isn’t happening right now.”

Aelin was almost bouncing off her seat. How she hadn’t noticed them when she’d walked in, she had no idea, but there was no mistaking it. There were four professional soccer players from her favorite team of all time sitting in the same room as her. She recognized Lorcan Salvaterre’s signature scowl that he always seemed to have, Fenrys Lykaios’s golden hair and wide grin, even Gavriel Usama’s tattooed throat and tawny eyes. And sitting right next to Gavriel was Rowan Whitethorn, Aelin’s favorite Terrasen player. Her celebrity crush. She never thought there would be a day she’d ever be this close to any of them, especially Rowan. Going to their games (which Aelin had done many times over the years) didn’t count, as they were just there to do their job. Aelin was going to have a heart attack. Looking at Rowan, with his silver hair, pine-green eyes and tattoo running down the left side of his face, she thought she might actually combust.

“I must’ve had a stroke, there’s no way this is real.”

“Oh it’s real alright. Why didn’t you tell me soccer players were so hot?”

“Lys, I’ve told you so many times about Rowan Whitethorn.”

“Yeah, but I figured he was an exception and they’re actually all attractive. Damn, I’ve been missing out on a lot.”

Aelin gave her a sideways look. “You remember you’re dating my cousin, right?”

Lysandra rolled her eyes. “Of course I do, that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate male attractiveness.”

Aelin shrugged. “Fair enough.”

Lysandra finished her drink and looked at Aelin’s mostly full glass. You better finish your drink, I need another one and I don’t think I can get up just yet.”

“Guess I’d better catch up then.” Aelin downed the rest of her drink and stood up. She had to pause for a second and regain her balance, as the room was spinning slightly, and she made her way over to the bar to get them new drinks.

“Can I get a tequila shot and two Long Island iced teas?” The bartender nodded and turned to make their drinks, and she let her eyes wander around the bar while she waited. Lysandra was on her phone, presumably texting Aedion to let him know where they were. She looked over to where the Terrasen City players were sitting and noticed Rowan wasn’t sitting with them anymore. Maybe he’d gone to the bathroom. At that moment, the bartender returned with their drinks and her tequila shot. She quickly took the shot and grabbed the drinks to walk back to Lysandra. However, as she turned, she smacked right into a broad chest and her drinks went everywhere.

“Shit I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you there.” She turned fully to look up at who she turned into and almost passed out at who she saw.

Of fucking course. Of all the people in the bar she could’ve spilled her drink on, it was Rowan Whitethorn. Rowan fucking Whitethorn, her celebrity crush that she’d wanted to meet for 2 years since he came to Terrasen. And she spilled her drink all over him.

“Oh my gods, I am so, so sorry, fuck.” Aelin kept up a steady stream of apologies as she put the now-empty glasses down and grabbed napkins from on the bar.

“It’s okay, there was no way you would’ve known I was there. I shouldn’t have been so close behind you. In all honesty, I should probably be apologizing to you.”

Aelin almost swooned. His accent was the most glorious thing she’d ever heard. “I’m not the one who just got soaked in Long Island iced tea, so definitely not.” She attempted to help him dry his shirt – gods, he was even more muscular in person – while she tried to conceal just how much she was panicking.

“Honestly, it’s fine. It’s mostly dried now so it’ll be fine. It was actually completely my fault.” Roan looked at her contemplatively for a moment then asked, “Can I buy you a drink to make up for the ones I spilled?”

Oh, she was going to have a stroke.

“Um, sure. That would be great,” Aelin stammered.

“Great. Here, let’s sit down.” Rowan signaled to the bartender and turned back to Aelin. “I don’t believe I got your name just now.”

“It’s Aelin. Aelin Galathynius. You’re Rowan Whitethorn.”

“Yeah, how’d you know?” He seemed genuinely confused, eyebrows furrowing.

Aelin snorted. “You’re kidding, right? I’ve been a Terrasen City fan since I could talk basically. My dad was a huge fan and he used to take me to games all the time. I’ve followed the team like religiously for years, and you were one of the biggest signings when you came to Terrasen. How could I not know who you are?”

Just then the bartender returned with their drinks. Aelin took a long sip and looked back to Rowan, who was silently watching her. He honestly seemed floored.

“Seriously? Half the time I see Terrasen fans in public they don’t even recognize me. They usually only pay attention to guys like Fenrys and Gavriel. I honestly didn’t expect you to know me at all.”

“You’re actually one of my favorite players.” As she said that, Aelin glanced around the bar, embarrassed to look at Rowan after her minor confession.

Rowan opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Lysandra appeared next to Aelin. “What happened to getting us drinks?”

“I accidentally spilled them all over Rowan when I was walking back so we were just talking while we waited. I was about to come back in a minute, but here’s your drink.”

“Thanks.” Lysandra took a quick sip and then looked over at Rowan. “Is this the same Rowan you were talking about the other day?”

Aelin’s cheeks immediately turned bright pink. “Lys, shut up,” she hissed.

Lysandra laughed. “Oh please, I’m teasing. It’s nice to meet you Rowan. I’m Lysandra, since my friend has such poor manners.” She held out her hand and Rowan shook it, looking highly amused at the whole exchange.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Lysandra.”

Aelin groaned quietly, hating her best friend for doing this to her.

Lysandra suddenly perked up. “Oh good, Aedion’s here. While I was waiting for you I texted him and told him I missed him and wanted him to come spend time with me.”

“Great, go have fun with him. I’ll be over in a bit.”

Lysandra blew Aelin a kiss and walked back towards their table with a wink.

Aelin turned back to Rowan. “Sorry about her, she’s my best friend but she can be such a pain sometimes.”

“Don’t worry about it, Fenrys is the same way. He’s actually the one who made me come out with them tonight.”

“I knew that was him that I saw earlier! Are you having like a whole team night of drinking or something?”

“No, that’s just Fenrys. He gets bored with routine, so he usually drags me, Gavriel and Lorcan along on whatever he has planned. Occasionally his brother Connall and Connall’s teammate Vaughn come too, but apparently they couldn’t tonight.”

Aelin took a sip of her drink and said, “So it’s just the four of you?”

“Yeah. But I think the others are getting ready to head somewhere else.”

Aelin’s heart sunk. “So you’re heading out?”

Rowan looked her up and down in a way that made warmth start to pool in her core. “No, I think I’m good here.”

Aelin had to look away from the intensity of his gaze and down the rest of her drink.

Suddenly Rowan stood up and held out a hand to her. “Do you want to dance with me?”

Aelin looked around the room, confused on where they were going to dance. Nobody in the entire bar was dancing.

Rowan saw the unspoken question on her face and said, “There’s a club upstairs. The stairs are down the hall.”

At that, Aelin slid off her seat and took Rowan’s hand. “Sounds perfect.”

They made their way up the stairs and entered a dark club full of people. Rowan went straight for the dance floor, pulling her behind him. When they reached the throng of people, he grabbed her hips, moving against her like a storm with her back to his chest. Aelin immediately lost herself in him as they danced, and drank, and danced more. She lost all sense of time and space, and it was just her and Rowan moving like they were one being. He ran his hands down her sides and over her hips, and Aelin thought she was going to combust right there from the fire that erupted under her skin. Rowan was going to set her ablaze, and she would gladly burn for him forever.

Out of nowhere, he grabbed her hand and walked towards the bar, Aelin assumed to get another drink. She was surprised when he kept walking past the bar and pulled her halfway down a hallway in the back away from the eyes of everyone in the club.

Before she could say a word, he grabbed her hips and kissed her fiercely. Aelin melted into him after a second, tangling her hands in his hair.

He picked her up, her legs deftly wrapping around his waist, and pressed her back against the wall. She couldn’t get close enough to him, couldn’t touch him enough to calm the fire in her veins. His tongue brushed against her mouth and she opened for him, moaning as he ground against her where she was pinned to the wall.

Rowan pulled back and looked at her. “Maybe it’s time for us to get out of here.”

“Please,” Aelin moaned.

Rowan took her hand, pulling her out of the club and down the stairs. He only let go of her for a minute while he went to get his keys from where the guys were still sitting and Aelin grabbed her bag from where Aedion and Lys were. While she grabbed her stuff, she just got a wink from Lys and Aedion pointedly ignored her, not wanting to think about his cousin’s sex life.

She met Rowan right outside the door and he led her to a black Mercedes, opening the passenger door for her. She climbed in and within moments he was smoothly pulling out of the parking lot. He rested his hand on her thigh as he drove, sending shivers up her spine. She peeked over at him out of the corner of her eye as he drove, admiring the sharp lines of his jawline and the muscles in his arms and shoulders.

She laced her fingers through his, and when he turned to look at her she just smiled at him. He smiled back, enough to show a small dimple in his cheek, and turned back to the road. Not even a minute later he was pulling into the parking lot of an apartment building, using a keypad to get inside. As soon as the door to the elevator shut, he was on her. His tongue slipped in her mouth as he backed her up to the wall, his hand slipping up her dress and feeling the evidence of the effect he had on her. He pulled back, his eyes dark and intense, just as the elevator doors opened. Without her really knowing how, suddenly she was in his apartment, which looked pretty spacious in the 0.3 seconds she had to look around before Rowan spun her around and devoured her in a long, passionate kiss. He picked her up and easily walked up the stairs with her legs wrapped around his waist. He set her down as soon as he shut the door to his room, pulling her dress up and off her, leaving her bare before him.

“No underwear?” It came out as almost a growl.

Aelin huffed a laugh. “Literally every line would’ve shown in that dress, so no.”

Rowan then backed her up towards the bed till the back of her knees hit the mattress, laying her down and moving to settle himself between her legs. She made a small noise and reached down to pull him back up above her, arching up for a long kiss.

“We can play later,” she snarled, ripping at his clothes until he was bare above her.

Rowan pulled back suddenly. “Are you sure? We can stop whenever you want.”

“Rowan, I appreciate the concern, but right now I really just want you to fuck me.”

Rowan surged forward, capturing her mouth as he ground against her, the hard length of him sliding between her folds. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he entered her in one quick thrust, giving her a moment to adjust to the size of him before he started moving. He stroked into her a few times, causing her to moan loudly.

“Gods, you feel so good baby. You’re so beautiful.”

Aelin let out a string of curses as he picked up the pace. Suddenly he pulled out and flipped her over so she was on her stomach, then slammed back into her. He gripped her hair, making her back arch as he continued to pound into her. The angle of his thrusts allowed him to hit that one spot deep inside her, and she cried out as her pleasure built higher and higher. His hand slipped from her hair to her throat, tightening to the point it left her breathless. The pace he set was ruthless, and she was so far gone in her pleasure she wasn’t sure how much more she could take.

“Please, Rowan,” she groaned, tears beginning to prick her eyes as the pleasure reached unbearable levels.

His other hand reached down and rubbed her clit roughly as his cock continued to hit her g-spot. She clenched around him and he barked a curse and increased his pace. She could feel her legs starting to shake and she knew she was close.

“Come for me baby.” His grip on her throat tightened, taking her breath away, and the dominance in his voice sent her over the edge. Stars wheeled as she lost control and spasmed around him. He followed her moments later, stroking her through their orgasms as they both came down from their highs. He gently pulled out of her and flopped onto the bed next to her, playing with her hair as they both recovered. After a few minutes, he propped himself up on a fist and grinned at her.

“Are you ready?”

Aelin laughed, knowing what he meant. “Again?”

“Yes, baby, again.”

Needless to say, she got little sleep that night.

-----------------

@highqueenofelfhame @starseternalnighttriumphant @kandasboi @myfeyrelady @westofmoon @schmlip-scribble @city-of-fae @nalgenewhore @http-itsrebecca @crystalfireandblazingice @abimomeopectore @hav-illi-ard @chemicha @wifeofchrishemsworth @faerie-queen-fireheart @bailey-4244 @not-illegal-if-u-win

#whatever it takes #rowaelin #rowaelin soccer au #chapter 1 #wit1 #wit #my writing

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thelookingglassalice · 5 years ago

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Blindness Chapter 1

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Captain America x Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier x OC/Violet

Warnings: Violence, mentions of death

Word Count: 1725

Summary: Love is the most painful thing, isn’t it?

A/N: For @avengerscompound Kate’s “Take a Line” Writing Challenge and @star-spangled-bingo Round 2

Prompt: Love is clockworks and cold steel. Fingers too numb to feel. Squeeze the handle. Blow out the candle. Love is blindness. “Love is Blindness - U2”

Square Filled: Steve’s Apartment

Love can make you blind to the danger you’re in. The danger of being hurt. The danger of losing or being lost.

They had met Violet at the hospital. She was a nurse. They had first come into the hospital as part of a fundraiser Tony was running. Bucky had gotten tired of the crowds of strangers and wandered into the pediatric hospital. There was a playroom with parents and kids milling around. He was always worried children would be intimidated by his arm, but they always loved it. To them, it wasn’t a weapon. He was just like them, some machinery to help him, that’s. He was sitting in one of the tiny chairs playing ‘Guess Who’ with a couple of kids when she came in.

“Hello...some of the parents asked who the new volunteer was. I’m guessing that’s you? And also you can’t just wander in here.” Violet raised an eyebrow. Bucky stood up quickly, almost knocking the tiny chair down.

“I’m sorry. I was at the fundraiser and-” He tried not to roll his eyes. “-I needed a breather?”

“Security told me. Luckily we use Stark Industries and it notified us that you weren’t a criminal. Well, it did say you were a bad guy, but it was in quotation marks. So, we just asked Mr. Stark.” Violet smiled at a few of the parents and opened the door to the playroom. Bucky followed her out and they met Steve looking down random halls.

“I am sorry. I didn’t think of the security. It’s a different time.” Bucky shrugged in apology.

“What happened? Tony said you were being evicted from the children’s ward for being a moron. I felt it needed further investigating.” Steve approached with a smile.

“It’s not like when we were kids and I could come to visit you and sneak you shit, sorry, stuff. It’s on lockdown now.” Bucky explained and held a hand out to Violet. “It’s okay, she evicted me gently.”

“I tried. Captain Rogers, I will release the evictee into your hands.” Violet smirked, green eyes flashing.

“It’s James,” Bucky responded. He watched Steve respond to her contagious smile with one of his own.

“Violet. And if you two ever want to visit for real, you know, through security. The kids would probably love it. Bye.” Violet waved over her shoulder as she walked away.

Steve was watching the fall of her hair, almost the same shade of his, and her purposeful walk. She held herself high. Like Peggy and Nat. Confidence. Strength. He swallowed thickly and Bucky made a chuffing noise.

“See something you like?” Bucky murmured as they walked away.

“You were the one flirting. James.” Steve teased back.

Bucky shrugged. Yeah, he had liked her smile. Her lips looked soft and she touched her tongue to them when she was thinking or teasing. It wasn’t flirty or intentional, she just did it. But the effect it was having on him was unsettling.

They had taken the suggestion and tried to visit the hospital a couple times a month. Violet was usually there. If she was on the overnights sometimes she would come in early to play with them and the kids.

It was subtle but all three of them became aware of an unspoken attraction. The only reason no one acted in it was the status of Bucky and Steve’s relationship. They were in a strange stasis. They wanted to be with one another. They knew times had changed, they had no reason to be confused and a million other platitudes. But it was difficult getting over that. They didn’t want their lives to screw with their work. So they had their own apartments, more often than not they stayed at one another’s place. They had kissed but never knew where to go from there. It was a weird headspace.

Violet was another issue entirely. They were both attracted to her. But in all their imaginings it was the three of them together. How do you approach someone with that?

Violet took it out of their hands.

“We should go out sometime.” Violet was pulling on her coat in the walkway of the hospital. Steve was holding her bag for her and almost dropped it.

“Whom...are you addressing?” Steve asked slowly.

“Whom?” Bucky frowned and shot him a look.

“Despite that unfortunate word use, I was asking both of you.” Violet laughed and took her backpack from Steve. They started the walk to the parking garage to their cars.

“Like to a club or dinner?” Bucky asked.

“Clubs are not really my thing anymore. I barely have the energy to ask you guys out. But a movie and dinner. Out or at my place. You two decide, just let me know. I have the weekend off. Bye.” She threw that familiar casual wave over her shoulder as she got in her car.

“Huh, that’s a new one.” Bucky mused.

“Yeah, the first time a girl asked you out and she actually included me without you asking.” Steve bumped Bucky’s shoulder.

It progressed from there. It was natural how it became the three of them. Like any other relationship.

“What would you do to get someone you loved back?” Violet, Steve, and Bucky actually had the day off. They had convened in Steve’s apartment and were currently on the bed being lazy. Violet was reading something, laying on her back with her head at the foot of the bed. Next to her, Bucky had his head on Steve’s shoulder, watching something on television. He was rubbing her leg with one hand. Steve had all the pillows and was propped up against the headboard, one hand behind his head the other on Bucky’s shoulder.

“I got beat half to death, almost drowned, and became an international fugitive. I’m not up to doing much more.” Steve muttered as he watched the screen.

“I broke through some pretty sophisticated brainwashing and helped dispatch an international collective of bad guys. So...I’m gonna sit the next one out too.” Bucky tickled Violet’s calf and she laughed.” You’re going to have to do something pretty fucking impressive to hang with us, Vi.”

“Oh great, I’ll just run right into Hell and back.” Violet snorted a laugh, then met Steve and Bucky’s questioning gaze. “It’s a song. Meatloaf?”

“That’s the name of the song?” Steve asked.

“Never mind. I need to stop reading mythology.” Violet tossed the book to the floor and sat up. She shifted and laid down against Bucky’s back, her arms around his waist. “What are you watching?”

“It’s that one with the toys that are alive. I really relate to that Buzz guy.” Bucky answered.

“Enjoying the Disney plus, huh?” Violet put her chin on the hand Steve had on Bucky’s shoulder to see the television.

“I thought ‘Snow White’ was the best it could get. I was wrong.” Steve’s eyes were glued to the animation.

Violet’s work phone went off and she groaned.

“I’m not even on call.” She checked it and made a noise of frustration. “Someone didn’t show up and there’s a post-op today. It’s one of my regulars.”

“You can go. But warn them that we will eventually kidnap you and take you away for a week. Just as a heads up.” Bucky made a grab for her arm as she stood up.

“I’ll start looking for cabins to hide in as soon as this is over.” Steve offered.

“Thanks, you two are the best.” She pulled on scrubs and leaned over to press a kiss to Bucky then Steve’s lips before leaving.

“I love her,” Bucky said casually.

“Me too.” Steve agreed, still in the movie.

Being blindly in love can have more than one meaning. In their case, they were enjoying the bubble of actually finding this feeling. They hadn’t yet hit the wall of wondering when it would end. Bucky had fleeting thoughts. How he got lucky enough to be with two amazing people after all his transgressions. Steve wondered if he would finally, finally get to rest and have something for himself.

So, of course, this led to the blindside of being called by one of Violet’s co-workers and told she was involved in an incident.

All of their battles, every dangerous thing that could come after them, their team, their friends and they survived. But they couldn’t be there when she was attacked leaving the hospital. By a random criminal.

They were blind in their faith that they deserved to be happy.

Steve and Bucky sat next to the bed. They had tried to save her, but the blood loss was too bad. Bucky had raged that they needed to get her to the tower, to the equipment that could save her. They had saved Clint how many times? Tony arranged transport and they tried with all their technology. But it couldn’t fix gone.

So they sat alone in the lab next to the vessel of what they loved. Bucky pushed her hair off her face, still the same color as Steve’s. But those green eyes. They wouldn’t see them again.

Steve’s jaw was set so tight it looked like his teeth would break.

“We should, um, get her ready for the coroner.” Steve coughed.

“Why, though? Why did we get to have her, to discover what we had...just so some random fuck up of fate would end it?” Bucky asked. He looked at Steve, honest confusion in his face.

“Buck-”

“No, it’s wrong.” Bucky insisted, shaking his head. Steve felt his heart give a painful throb. He lost Violet now he was dangerously close to losing a piece of Bucky. It had taken so long to help him past his trauma. Yea, it wasn’t fucking-

“FAIR!” Steve screamed and threw his chair. Bucky stared at him open-mouthed. “NOT FUCKING FAIR! We deserved this. We sacrificed everything we had, have, could have to fucking save the world, save the galaxy. When do we get one goddamn break?”

“Steve-”

“Sorry, I’m good.” Steve inhaled and ran his fingers through his hair.

“No, Steve.” Bucky jumped up, slapping Steve’s chest and pointing to the bed.

“What’s...the...yelling?” Violet’s eyes were open, but that green was gone. For all intents and purposes, she looked like a corpse. But she was talking and propped up on her elbows.

#kate's take a line challenge #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #stucky fanfiction #capatain america fanfiction #the winter soldier fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #stucky x oc

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kinda-ooc-just-a-little · 5 years ago

Text

Heart of a Lion

Late upload because i was busy with last post but here it is!

A little backstory behind the lioness quirk.

Chapter 9 Kindness and Virtue

Shinso x Reader

Rated M for Future Mature Themes (Not Explicit)

Tags: slow burn, mutual pining, secretive quirk

Summary: You never wanted to be a hero. You come from a long family of heroes, so why not just be a normal person? That’s what you hoped, until you re-connected with your old High School friend/crush.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 /

Once upon a time, around when quirks first started appearing, there was a family that was cursed to be quirk-less. It did not matter who they tried to mate with, even if they had the most powerful quirk holder, their child would not inherit any power from their parents. In the beginning, this was fine, as more than half the population was quirk-less. However, as time went on, they were slowly becoming the minority and being outcasted from society. In response to this, one generation decided to move away from the city into the country, away from society to live in peace.

One day, the mother and father decided to go for a walk. They walked along the river that ran behind their home into the forest. It was a peaceful walk, until they ran into some people who were beating up a poor animal. Quickly, they rushed to it’s aid, running off the wretched humans. They got a closer look, and to their surprise, lied a lioness breathing and whining heavily. They carried the animal back to their home to heal the lioness and allow her a peaceful place to sleep.

As the father was returning home with food for the lioness, a strange light surrounded her as she stood and jumped down from her bed. They stepped back in shock as they heard a voice call their names.

“I am eternally grateful for saving me. You have proved that you have hearts of kindness and virtue. I am a guardian spirit. The family line I have spent years watching over has ended and I require another family to share my power with. If you accept, I can grant you great power that is stronger than any quirk in this world.”

The father and mother looked toward each other, as if thinking the same thing. “We humbly thank you for the opportunity,” the father said first. “But if you surely can grant power, then we do not wish it to be for us.”

“It is our son.” The mother added. “He was born very weak. Without a quirk, we fear he may not be able to protect himself. He is twelve years old but has only truly lived half that. If what you said is true, then we beg you. Please, give him a chance to live a good life.”

The lioness nodded. “You are more selfless than I thought. My power shall start with him and will be shared down the family line. Your lineage will no longer have to worry about living a weak life, for strength will only be a call away.”

The father and mother smiled and hugged each other, relieved that their son could truly start living his life. However, the lioness gave a warning. “My power is granted to those with kindness and virtue. If this power is used for anything other than good intentions, then your family will lose this power forever.”

They agreed to the lioness’s terms, happy just to even have a chance to give their son a better life. “Go to him.” The lioness said. “Teach him how to be kind and to not take this life for granted.”

“Yes, of course.” The father said.

“Thank you for this gift.” The mother said. “We will not waste this opportunity.”

And so, they went to the hospital where their son was. Everyone was astonished to see this once weak boy who could not get up from his bed, suddenly was sprinting down the halls with glee. Everyone was so happy to see the amazing progress and the parents were overflowed with emotion.

However, they had only just begun to witness what the power of the lioness could truly do.

Weeks passed since the boy’s recovery and he was joyful with every step he took. One day, the boy was on a walk with his family down the river side. They had reached an area where the river turned into whitewater rapids. They were just about to continue until they heard a scream from the river. They ran to see that a child had fell into the river and was about to be swept into the rapids. The mother and father tried to find a branch to reach them, until their son suddenly jumped into the rapids. His mother and father scrambled to save them, only to see him fight through the force of the river, grab the child, and carry her to safety.

His parents were so astonished. Was this the true power the lioness offered?

After everything was settled, they went home to discuss this new phenomenon. The son said he felt a strong will to save the girl and he simply asked anyone to give him the strength to do so.

“It is just as the lioness said. Her strength will only be a call away.”

That day the son made a vow to honor this new spirit within him. He vowed to unlock and discover any power he could so he would easily have access to the strength he has been blessed with so he can save everyone he can, just like the girl in the river.

For generations this power has been passed down and shared throughout the family line, every member working hard to unlock their own special power and use it for the good of the people.

“Everyone in the family forms their own unique power that reflects themselves. Some of them uses her animal form, some simply calls upon the power to make them stronger… some even learned to breathe fire or ice.” You said. “However, because someone can easily take advantage of this power, the first one made a rule to not use the power in vain.”

“The first one?” Shinso tilted his head.

“That’s how we refer to the boy that was first granted the power. Technically, my however-many-great grandfather.” You groaned a little, remembering practically being forced to study your family history. “Don’t remember though. I think I fell asleep during that lecture.”

You observed Shinso to see he didn’t move at all during the time you were telling your family story. He practically sat there in confusion most of the time. You hoped it wasn’t too much for him. The last thing you needed for him was another reason to leave you again.

You shuddered at the thought. You just got him back. It would be a cruel world if he decided to not talk to you again. Oh god, would he do that? You thought as you looked over at Shinso who was staring at the floor in thought. You wanted to know what he was thinking. “Um… Shinso?”

He jerked his head with a “Huh?” and locked his indigo eyes with yours.

“What… what are you thinking?” you dared to ask.

“A lot.” He replied. “Everything is starting to make sense.”

You tried so desperately to stop your hand from shaking from anxiety. Your heart was practically waiting for him to either understand or tell you off for not trusting him. Before you could get your answer, a nurse knocked and walked in. “Shinso? I’m sorry to tell you this, but we need you back in your room to do some more testing.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

The nurse took her leave and a heavy silence fell in the room as you still waited for his opinion on the matter. He takes a deep breath and stands. “I should get back.”

“Okay.” Your body was frozen in place as your thoughts screamed Just ask him! as he started to make his exit. “Wh-wait!” you practically screamed at him as he was holding the door.

“Y-yes?” he tripped over his words, startled by your sudden outburst.

Your fists clenched as you tried to find the right words. You’ve been waiting years for the opportunity to tell him this and you doubt he can even comprehend the significance of this moment. Of course, he wouldn’t. You remembered the many nights you spent just talking with him. He shared everything with you. His dreams and his thoughts were no secret, yet you wouldn’t even spare a conversation about your day, always steering the conversation back to him when you had the chance.

“Um… have a good night.” Was all you said as you let him go. You figured he’d been through enough for the weekend and you didn’t want to push him to be emotionally available, especially with what he had to go through just the day before.

You just hoped he could understand.

This… is not good, you thought as you awoke in the stairwell of the agency you currently worked at. You run your hand through your hair and sighed as you made your way back to your department with a blanket that you seemed to have taken from the lobby room. For two weeks at random times, you found yourself forgetting time or waking up in random places. Thankfully, the episodes didn’t last long, and you’ve managed to stay in the good graces of the bosses despite this setback. Yet still, it is a mystery why it keeps happening.

You dropped off the blanket in the lobby, trying to avoid questioning glances as you made your way to the elevators to get back to where you worked. Entering the elevator, you didn’t even notice another person was with you until you heard a deep voice call your name. You looked to the man to see clear indigo eyes that you had not seen in weeks. You missed them.

“You don’t look too good.” He looked at you, concerned. “Have you been sleeping at all?”

You debated on whether to tell him the full truth or just tip-toe around it. “I’m still getting used to the new job. I’m sure it’s just temporary.”

He clenched his jaw. He was sure that wasn’t the case as he heard rumors that you had been spacing out lately. But he didn’t want to intrude if it was personal. Besides, if you needed his help, you would tell him… right? “Well, you went through a lot in the last couple of weeks. Don’t push yourself.”

The air felt heavy. You knew he knew that you were holding something back. You didn’t want him to worry. He’s a pro hero and he’s already busy enough. You decided you could handle it alone. “I won’t.”

The doors open and you gave him a small smile before you leave. Taking a seat at your small desk, you checked the time to see you stayed five minutes over your break. You groan as you tried to resume your work, but your thoughts never strayed from those indigo eyes. Shinso never really held a full conversation with you since that day. Of course, meetings and villain attacks kept him busy, but you couldn’t stop the negative thoughts that flooded into your head, wondering if it was just an excuse to not see you.

You wanted to see him.

You grabbed your head as it felt like white noise was spreading through it. You massaged your skull in an attempt to make it go away. Seriously, what the hell is going on? You didn’t even notice your team leader quietly walking up to you until he put his hand on your shoulder. You jumped and let out a small embarrassing yelp and tripped over your words as you asked him if he needed anything.

“You seem stressed. I know it’s your weekend off tomorrow, so why don’t you head home early?”

You pursed your lips. If even your team leader could tell something was off with you then Shinso definitely could. “I just haven’t been getting a lot of sleep, Sei. I’m fine. I don’t want people to pick up my slack over such a reason.”

“Such a reason is why we want you to go home.” Sei responded. “Go home and get some rest. We can cover you for today.”

“But-“

“No buts!” Another coworker chipped in. “You went through some crazy shit a couple weeks ago. You haven’t even given yourself a chance to rest. Just take the weekend and go get a massage or something.”

“Or get laid.” Everyone glared at the girl who said it. “What? It’s what I do to relax!”

You chuckled at everyone’s efforts to cheer you up. “Thanks. You all have no idea how much this means to me. I promise I’ll be much better by Monday.”

You gathered your things, said your goodbyes and left the office. As you were making your way down the hallways you felt yourself go light headed again. What the hell is happening? To avoid staring eyes, you made your way to the bathroom and splashed water on your face. You wished Shinso was here.

What? You questioned the intrusion thought. Why is he coming up in this situation? You groaned as the fuzz in your head started to grow fierce, becoming a full-on headache. So many thoughts suddenly flooded your head that all lead to the same person: Shinso.

Stop, stop, stop! You tried to control your thoughts and the sudden increase in blood pressure. Please just make it stop!

And then you felt everything go black.

“Thank you all for the hard work this month and enjoy your early weekend!”

Shinso lightly massaged his neck as he made his way to the elevators. He was elated to finally have an early weekend, although, he was sure it would pass unceremoniously. Entering the elevators, he hovered his finger over the ground floor button. Would it be okay to visit them? Shinso debated in his head if it was okay to see you. Worry for you filled his mind the entire meeting, wondering if what you said was true or if there was another reason for you spacing out. He decided you probably wouldn’t mind and he had promised to do more for you anyway, visiting you could be a start. He pressed the button to your floor and made his way to where he knew your office was… except you weren’t there.

“Hey, Professor X, what’s up?” Sei, your team leader, asked.

Shinso smirked at his antics, amused that he still poked fun at the pro-heroes, despite his position. “If you’re referring to my vast intellect, then thank you.”

Sei chuckled at Shinso, also amused that he still puts up with his teasing. “Seriously, what’s up? It’s not like you to stop here.”

“Where’s the newbie?” Shinso asked. “I just saw them before my meeting.”

“The newbie looked like they haven’t been resting well so I sent them home early.” Sei answered. “Why? You interested or something?” He nudged Shinso with his elbow.

Shinso averts his eyes and anxiously rubbed his neck. “Something like that.”

“Then you better get going. I just sent them home not too long ago, you might be able to catch them.”

Shinso thanked the man and quickly made his way down the hall. He had no idea how he would be able to find you, but he knew he had to try. Hopefully you-

“Ahh! Help!”

Shinso’s thoughts were cut short when he heard a womanly scream from around the corner of the hall. He immediately clutched his capture device, ready to face a villain but as he turned the corner, he saw… the lioness?

He was confused to see the spirit was sniffing a woman who was trapped against the wall. The lioness growled and turned her nose up, as if repulsed with her smell. The lioness continued down the hall until she spotted Shinso. Immediately, the lioness charged him.

Shinso was frozen in place. He could barely make out the voices advising him to run, or even react when the lioness pounced on him to the floor. Shinso shut his eyes expecting his face to be chomped off but it never came. Instead, he felt a wet muscle run up his cheek. He opened his eyes to see the lioness licking his face and then burying her head in his shoulder, letting out a deep purr as she nestled on top of his body.

“Well this is quite the predicament.” Sei said, observing the situation before him. He tried to get close, but the lioness growled at him when he took a step forward. “You two know each other?”

Shinso was about to question him if he knew about you but stopped himself. If you didn’t want to tell your team about your quirk, then he probably shouldn’t. “In a way, yes.” He simply said, reactively petting the giant cat before him. “I can take care of it.”

“Should probably do it fast. Before someone calls animal control.” Sei chuckled before walking away.

Shinso groaned at his attempt at a joke, but he was right. Shinso figured he should probably get you out of there before someone tried to take control of the situation. He pushed the lioness off enough so he could stand. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He started to walk toward the elevators and easily enough, the lioness followed him inside, everyone else refusing to ride with them.

Eyes were trailed on him the entire way home. Even in a world filled with quirks that make people look like animals, people are still afraid of lions? Shinso questioned. He looked toward the lioness that was happily trotting next to him, her tail bouncing back a forth. Shinso wondered what to do with you. He could try to take you back to your apartment, but he didn’t know where that was. He decided the best thing to do was take you to his apartment. It was a builder floor that had plenty of room for a lion to live in. Reaching the apartment, he opened the door and the lioness immediately pounced inside, sniffing and rubbing on everything in sight. Shinso chuckled to himself. If only you could see this.

But Shinso didn’t know if this was you or not. From what your team leader said, you weren’t sleeping well and when he saw you in the elevator you looked far from okay. Was this the reason? He felt a little saddened that you didn’t confide in him with your struggle. He thought you were beginning to trust him again.

He decided to put the situation in the back of his mind and go to the kitchen to find something to eat. As he was rummaging through the fridge, he could feel the lioness rubbing against his thigh. “Are you hungry too?” He asked, petting her on the head as she made happy growling noises. “I’m not sure I have enough to feed you but hopefully this could hold you over until you change back.” He pulled a chicken from his freezer and set the oven to preheat. The lioness hummed as she laid down on the kitchen floor, her tail still happily moving back and forth. As Shinso made dinner, he pondered why you would change into that form. Perhaps too much stress from what had happened… or maybe summoning lioness the first time did something to you.

He finished cooking the chicken and placed a large portion on a plate. He placed the plate on the ground and the lioness ate it in just a couple of bites. Although she finished fast, she looked satisfied. Shinso set his plate on the counter and ate while the lioness sat next to his feet, occasionally pawing at his toes. He couldn’t help but reach down and ruffle his hand on her head. Despite being a ferocious beast, in this state, she looked just like a house cat.

He finished his meal and cleaned up his kitchen. As he was finishing, he realized that the lioness wasn’t in the spot he left her. He searched the apartment to find that she had cuddled up in his bed, her whiskers twitching as she slept comfortably in his spot. Shinso smiled as he grabbed extra blankets and pulled them over her form. He stroked her as she cuddled herself under the blanket.

It was so strange to think that this was you but in a different form. Even still, he was happy just to be next to you, even if it wasn’t really you. Or maybe it was you. Shinso wanted to ask you so many questions about your quirk, how it worked, what are the drawbacks… (Midoriya must have rubbed off on him.) He wanted so desperately to see you and make sure you were okay after the villain attack, but he found himself busy at every turn. At least now, you were where he could see you, and he wasn’t going to let you go until he knew you were okay.

He decided to let you rest as much as you could. He started to leave, but then grunted in embarrassment when he remembered what happened when you woke up from your quirk. He searched through his dresser to find a sweater and sweat pants that looked to be your size and left them on the edge of the bed. He left the room but not without giving one last look and a quiet “goodnight,” leaving you to get a good night’s sleep.

#shinso x reader #shinso hitoshi #shinsou hitoshi #bnha x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #oocwrites #xreader

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kidchameleon92 · 6 years ago

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“life story” 1

i’m not going to edit this at all going along. typos, bad grammar, mistakes. doesn’t matter. this is spontaneous thought.

disclaimer: i changed the word to “spontaneous” from “spurious” which means something completely different, so the first paragraph is already a lie.

anyway, it’s been a really weird and sort of bad couple months for me. mostly in my state of mind. i feel very stuck and very immobile when it comes to my art and career. and that is having a very negative effect on my brain. even though i’m putting out my favorite songs i’ve ever written. i’ve been meaning to write for awhile. i used to post when i lived in los angeles several years ago, just journaling my day to day life. but i haven’t for awhile. i guess i also used to write in a notebook while on different tours. but i think i’ve since thrown that away or hidden it somewhere.

point is: i just want to write to get things off my mind. and hopefully, maybe, it’ll help you (if you care to) get to know me a little more and on a more personal level. even if we haven’t met. and maybe it’ll make what i make (if you care about it) mean more to you. either way, mostly, i just want to rant a bit. so, this is my life’s story. i guess.

chapter 1: kid

i was born in a suburb of the twin cities in minnesota. my parents both grew up in minnesota and lived there their whole lives (until my mom recently moved to tennessee). my mom was a mortician, and my dad was an accountant. also an alcoholic. he cheated on her and left her and i when i was one year old. i remember growing up going to stay with him on weekends, except it was with him and his girlfriend at the time. except he was drunk a lot. and would drive drunk with me (a baby) in the car. so, that’s cool. anyway, my mom was really depressed, and that was not a good time (or so i’ve heard, because i was a baby, so idk).

i stayed with my grandparents a lot, because my mom worked full time. my maternal grandparents lived on a ton of land. my grandpa and i would ride motorcycles and four wheelers and sleep in a treehouse and all that. my other grandparents lived in the same town but in a small house. i used to go up to their cabin during the summer and go fishing and swimming and boating and all that. different g-parent vibes, but loved both a lot.

anyway, when i was three, my mom married my step-dad. he is from india and has had a lot of unique and challenging experiences, so that certainly brought a lot of particular lessons and outlooks into my life. i went there once when i was about 14. it was wild. but so, yeah. that kinda solidified my family unit. my dad got remarried later on as well. but the older i got, i saw him less and less.

so ... i loved video games. i played them all the time. a big part of my childhood. mostly nintendo. explains a lot. as a kid in school (4 years public, 3 years private, 1 year home, 3 years private, 1 year PSEO [look it up]), i was never popular whatsoever. i always wanted to gain some sort of acclaim or attention from my classmates, but was pretty much always looked down on for one reason or another. i remember in elementary school, i was the kid who was literally terrified of storms. probably because i had been in a tornado when i was six. but the moment it would thunder, all the kids would look at me to see if i was gonna cry. usually, i did. and the school nurse would take me outside and we’d walk around as a sort of therapy. i guess it helped sorta. i still get nervous in storms. but i don’t cry.

i also remember a time specifically that i got made fun of for wearing a denver broncos t-shirt. this kid just railed on me because it wasn’t a minnesota vikings shirt. so, one: i don’t even give a fuck about sports. but two: it stuck with me for some reason that someone would be a massive jerk over a t-shirt of a sports team. i guess that’s just because we as humans are messed up things.

anyway, in middle school, i started becoming semi-interested in music. i listened to the radio every night, listening to the top 10 countdown of big songs from that week. kanye, weezer, the click five, black eyes peas, green day. those were some anyway. besides that, i was just listening to like kelly clarkson and relient k or something. my mom had a steven curtis chapman cd in her van i thought went hard. but i started getting into popular music around then. i also started to write my own music. i used to take piano lessons from when i was like six or seven until i was 14 or so. but after i started writing my own songs, i hated practicing assigned pieces. i didn’t care. i wanted to play my own. so, the teacher said if i quit, i couldn’t be her student again. so i did. that’s fine. she said i was her most talented student. but i didn’t work that hard. so, that goes to show that natural talent and hard work have different roles, i suppose.

chapter 2: girls and high school and such

in high school, i started LiKiNg gIrLs and stuff. i also was still not very popular. i also had started a band (with jack). i wasn’t very good, but i was just as obsessed with it as i am now. anyway, i liked this one girl from my church, and we talked all the time. but because we grew up in a pretty fundamental church culture, we weren’t allowed to date. which honestly, i fine, because looking back, no one knows what they are doing at 16 really. i definitely didn’t. i still don’t know what i’m doing. anyway ...

so, this girl and i half-dated for a couple years, and i was really clingy and annoying. but that’s just how i be. and i thought i was gonna marry her and stuff, because in a fundamental church context, you over spiritualize everything.

[[disclaimer: i am a christian, and i still go to church, but my theology and ideology on a lot of things has just evolved and changed a lot since i was young and since leaving the ultra-americanized/ultra-fundamental “christian” realm. main point being: we all are effed up bro and need saving. i’m an idiot always!]]

but now we’re back. girl “dumped” me and started dating another guy named “patrick” right after, even though she technically wasn’t allowed to date until she was 18. but apparently, she just wasn’t allowed to date me. so, that was cool. anyway, i was angsty, but then i got over it. because i was 17, so life big time goes on.

then i met another girl from canada while i was finishing school and going hard at my band stuff. we hit it off, and i started visiting her up there. and she visited me and all that. it was cool. and then all of a sudden, she really started hating me. and to be fair, i was weird and clingy and sort of a lot to deal with. but we kept dating. all the while, i was sort of leaving behind music to try to get into nursing school. yep, nursing school. but i got rejected, which is great. and so, i decided to go to audio engineering school in canada. and she was gonna go to college in the same city. this is great! so i thought. she dumped me (well, i sort of broke up with myself for her) about a month after we were living in the same city. wack. but it made me buckle down and work my ass off in school. i was top of my class one semester. yeah, i’m not that dumb. sometimes.

towards the spring of the next year, i happened to meet a girl who was at my church with one of my friends. she seemed chill. just talked a little. nothing crazy. happened to hit her up on twitter just to say hi. no intention. we talked a bit. nothing after that. then all of a sudden, a couple months later, i was tweeting about reading harry potter for the first time (note: fundamental upbringing). she happened to tweet me back about it. and long story short, we went out on a date. a sort-of-date. and what was supposed to be a lunch turned into an all day and half the night date. anyway, we got married a year later. after a lot of immigration paperwork and expenses. that’s a whole other post. that sucked. it’s a lot. and it’s why i feel bad for people who have nothing who are trying to come here to flee danger in their own countries. again, another post.

chapter 3: married, and other hard things

so, i forgot to say that before we got married, i lived in los angeles for a year after school. i was doing more sound for film work. on set stuff, post-production. got to do work with like ... james franco, matt damon, emma roberts, william shatner. some cool stuff. but jack’s old band came through on tour, and i saw two shows. and i was like ... bruh. i gotta do music, what am i doing? so, i literally moved back to minnesota within like two weeks, worked as a nursing assistant for a little bit and got married. then moved to nashville like two weeks later. i guess i could’ve stayed in los angeles. but nashville felt like the move at the time. everything happens with a purpose.

so, we moved here, and she couldn’t work for three months because of immigration stuff. so, i was like, well, guess i need a job. so, i got a job managing a home for a couple people with intellectual disabilities. it was super hard. mostly because the company was really, really bad. so, i got another job working as a staffing coordinator in an office for a home health care agency. that was a little better. still tough. but less overwhelming. a couple months after i got that job, i got an offer to go on a country tour playing bass for someone. and i was like ... well, this is why i moved here. so, i quit and went on tour. and shawna actually took my old job. interesting.

i was gone for three weeks, and it sucked and the pay was bad, but at least i was doing what i wanted. but then i got an offer from my friend to do some tech work on a much bigger country gig. i hadn’t done it before, but it was better pay and a better position. and on a bus and nice things and all that. so, i went for it. i pissed the other girl i was playing for off. but that’s show biz, baby. but like, i found a replacement for myself and paid to fly him out to her shows and stuff. so, really she won.

anyway, i toured with this other artist for four years. and i learned a lot. it was very, very challenging, both mentally and physically. and some people are just hard to work with. but i still gained so much valuable experience and insight into touring from that. i also started playing guitar for another artist who was small at the time, but has now had a couple number one hits. but his label fired me because i didn’t look country enough. we’re still homies though, so it’s literally fine. because i do indeed not look country enough.

at the same time, i was doing my own solo music and also producing and writing with and for other people. i’ve had the opportunity to write and produce for everything from independent artists to major label to billboard charting albums to whatever. songs on major television networks. i’m still very un-rich though, if that tells you anything.

but really, i just wanted to do my own music. and i literally couldn’t get it to go anywhere. i had no idea what the “secret” was. what was i missing? money? connection? power? actually probably all of that, to be honest. this industry is wacko. i was pretty close to giving up.

chapter 4: milkk

i read a satirical article on vice.com about “how to start a trendy band” or something. i thought it was funny. so, i called jack. he had just been kicked out of his old band for no reason. i was like, “bruh, let’s do this article.” and he was like, ok. so, we sort of did. and i’m not gonna go into all the early details, because i’ve done a million press interviews about how our band started. and i don’t wanna say it again. google it.

this was the first time that i actually saw people care about my music. it was a high. it was like a dream. and we hadn’t even had any big song or anything. just the fact that people were listening and engaging was mind blowing to me. but just like with anything, the more things went, the less i found satisfying. the more “likes” or “follows” on socials didn’t feel like enough anymore. the streams didn’t seem good enough. the chart positions on the debut album didn’t seem that great. the hype wore off a little after the debut album hype. and that made me insane. probably because we as humans are not built to be satisfied by the things in our life. “Vanity of vanities!” it’s in ecclesiastes. like the bible one.

chapter 5: now

anyway, that’s bad. i had (and have) let my mind convince me that i have to achieve something in order to be happy or fulfilled, when i know that that stuff will never fulfill me. i could play the biggest stadium and have the biggest song in history, but after a burst of dopamine and excitement, it would be empty. and i know that nothing here will do that. at least, that’s what i believe. my hope is outside of myself.

but that’s hard to internalize when you are so passionate about something, and have been for so long, and all you want to do is create things for other people that they can appreciate and be influenced by. but it’s probably also selfish. like i openly admit i like the idea of fame and presence. and it probably ties all the way back to wanting acknowledgement and attention as a kid, from being unpopular and ridiculed and, honestly, left by my dad. maybe i just therapied myself.

but regardless, i know i can’t put my identity in all this stuff. it’s hard, and it’s harder when you create stuff. because it’s so deeply tied to you. but it’s still not “who i am.” i know who i am and what i believe, but i’m still a mess, so i can’t enact that in my brain perfectly. in fact, far from it.

anyway. it’s late, and i’m going to post this and attempt to not worry about how it does on social media. stupid!!! i just want this out in the world for you to read. hopefully it’s helpful for you in some way. but mostly, it was just cool to write this out, for my own sake.

i’ve been blessed in some amazing ways. my family. oh, yeah i forgot that i have two kids. i love them a lot. i don’t talk about them on social media much. but they are very special to me. and we’ve always been taken care of, even when times were tight or i didn’t know when the next paycheck was coming in or i thought my wife was about to die or whatever. the Lord provided for us every time. and i am grateful to have what career i have. it may be “small” and nothing to look at by the big industry standards, but i believe in what i make so much, and i’m just grateful that anyone cares about it at all. and i will continue to do so until the day i die. because i have to.

it’s what i was born to do, for better or worse. and no one can tell me otherwise.

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blueboxesandtrafficcones · 5 years ago

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The Nuptial Necessity - Chapter 2

A 12xRose Human AU

Despite an unglamorous job description, Rose loves the work she does with The Thistle Foundation, a charity founded by her best friend’s great-uncle. It doesn’t hurt that her boss, her friend’s father, is easy on the eyes. With a great job, wonderful friends and a loving family, life couldn’t be better – except for having someone to share it with.

All of that is threatened, though, when the great-uncle dies – and sets a strange condition for his nephew to inherit, jeopardizing the Foundation and Rose’s future, sparking a chain of events that might just get her everything she dreamed of and more.

Chapters will be posted on Saturdays and Tuesdays. Many thanks to my beta, @stupidsatsuma

Rated: Explicit, for eventual smut

@doctorroseprompts

AO3 | Masterlist

—

Thursday, continued

All in all, Malcolm thought he put on a decent show at dinner. Determined not to let his daughter know something was on his mind, he poured all of his attention onto her with a single-minded focus.

Not that his interest was for show- he adored his (not so) little girl and found her utterly fascinating, was always curious about the goings-on in her life, but rarely did listening to her stories require so much effort.

But the important part, he congratulated himself as he pulled ice cream cartons from the freezer, is she doesn’t suspect a thing.

“So, what’s wrong?”

He froze, still facing the freezer shelves, and sighed. Spoke too soon. Smoothing his expression back to neutral he shut the door, resuming his assembly of sundae ingredients. “Nothing. What d’ya mean?”

“Dad. You’ve been weird all night. What is it?” Clara was seated at the island, eating the caramel topping with a spoon, watching him intently.

She looked no different from when she was a wee bairn or teenager, perched there, seeing far more than he ever wanted her to. That girl is too damn clever, his ex-wife had always complained, and though he privately agreed would never admit that, usually pleased by her cleverness – except for when it was used to ferret out things he wasn’t ready for her to know. At least she comes by it honestly.

“It’s… Uncle Wallace’s will was read today,” he started tentatively, waiting for her to nod, gauging her reaction. “It was as I expected… mostly. He has some conditions for me to inherit, and I have to decide… if I’m going to comply.”

“You? Comply?” The teasing tone from the doorway made his head snap up, and sure enough, Rose stood there with her hands on her hips, several cardboard boxes at her feet. “I’d pay to see that.”

Malcolm’s heart restarted itself at double-time, having stopped at her voice, and he was nearly weak with relief that she hadn’t accidentally overheard exactly what those conditions were. That was too close.

Shaking his head he turned his back to buy himself some time. Any chance of getting away with not telling was gone, now that the two people on Earth who knew him best were in the same room. They were individually relentless when it came to getting what they wanted from him, and their tag-team act was unstoppable. Pulling down a third sundae bowl for Rose, he waited as the girls squealed and hugged, talking a thousand miles an hour as if they hadn’t seen each other in months, rather than ten days.

Watching with a fond smile, he thought back to the first time his daughter had come home for the weekend from uni, dragging her shy new roommate behind her.

“Dad! This is Rose, my roommate. She’s my new best friend. Can she stay for sundaes? And possibly forever?”

They’d both been scraps of nothing then, adults only in the legal sense. Now they were both thirty, mature women who worked for a living and travelled the world, and he mourned the girls they’d been even as he celebrated their accomplishments and growth.

Knowing from experience that once they started they wouldn’t stop, and tempted to let them forget the conversation, he took his time building his own sundae first, before sighing and giving in. “Right, who wants what?”

“Chocolate fudge ripple,” Rose immediately said, settling on one of the barstools on that side of the counter, licking her lips as she stared at one of the cartons. “And be generous with the scoops. I’ve been thinking about this all fucking day.”

Malcolm shook his head, obeying as Clara studied her options. Ever the deliberate one, she could turn choosing a flavor into an art form. “Just because we’re not in the office, doesn’t mean I’m not still your boss, Miss Tyler. Don’t get too comfortable.”

“I’m off the clock, hanging out with my bestie,” she shrugged, pulling the dish closer towards the toppings and piling on the chocolate sauce, whipped cream, sprinkles and cherries. “Besides, the very first time I was here you told me to make myself at home. I got you Neapolitan, Clar, just have some of that, would you?”

Not waiting for his daughter to hem and haw Malcolm scooped her just that, pushing the bowl towards her. Moving his own front and center, he stared at it for a moment before adding another few squirts of chocolate sauce to the mint chocolate chip tower of ice cream.

“No vanilla today?” His assistant didn’t miss a thing, eagle eyes noting his choices even as she devoured her own. “Decided to live it up?”

“Thought I’d test the limits,” he shot back, “dare to put myself out there.”

She just smirked, licking at the back of her spoon, and he had to tear his eyes away to focus on his daughter again, who was still staring at the various containers, dish untouched.

“You good with that?”

Sighing, Clara nodded, adding her own toppings. “Yeah, this’ll do.” That didn’t stop her from gazing at the rum raisin with a longing usually seen on sailors’ wives as he put the ice cream away before it melted.

“So, the inheritance?” she prompted, the freezer door shutting breaking her from her spell, and he had to hide a smile at how little she had changed from when she was knee-high to a grasshopper. Not that she’s that much taller. She had her mother to thank for that, and it amused him that even now at thirty, she barely came up to his chin in her bare feet.

I’m getting old.

“I don’t want to talk about it now,” Malcolm hedged, eyes flickering over at Rose, who paused.

Tilting her head, she frowned. “Is this about me? My being in it, I mean?”

“What?” The ground shifted beneath his feet, eyes opening wide. “What do you mean- you know?”

“Well I don’t know details!” she protested, looking up at him. “But, yeah, I know I’m in it.”

She doesn’t seem mad. Does she not actually know? “What, precisely, do you know?” he asked suspiciously. He’d known her for eight years, and would never guess she might know something like this existed and be okay with it. What did he tell you?

She hesitated, expression faltering as she glanced at Clara, who shrugged. “The last time I was there, a few months ago, he mentioned putting me in the will,” she said slowly. “That he thought I was a nice girl, and he wanted to take care of me. I protested- it’s not like I need or want his money- but he insisted. Said it was something he knew I’d had my eye on, wanted to make sure I got it, but he never said specifically. To be honest, I have been wondering. I’ve always loved that Renoir, on the staircase – any chance it was that?”

Malcolm snorted. “In a manner of speaking.”

Both women stared at him with identical arched eyebrows, and he sighed. His intention had been to tell Clara then take a few days to ponder, but realistically, the likelihood that she would keep something like this a secret from her best friend was flimsy at best. “First, let me say I knew none of this until Robertson called this afternoon.”

“Is that why you were upset, and needed to talk to Alex?” Rose asked delicately, and he nodded.

“You could say that.”

“Dad,” Clara warned, ”you’re being weird again.”

“I thought I was always weird?”

Identical glares made his jaw snap shut, and he glanced between their faces. This is humiliating. Now would be a perfect time for an earthquake, or heart attack, or some other natural disaster to prevent this conversation. He stared up at the ceiling hopefully, but no relief came.

“Dad!”

“Fuck,” he groaned, rubbing at his face. “Right, here it is. Rose, Wallace left everything to me on the condition that- that-” He met her eye, saw the trust there, and slumped. “On the condition that we got married.”

Silence rang out in the kitchen as they stood there, staring at each other, and he watched the expressions fly across her face closely. Surprise, of course, confusion, curiosity- happiness? That can’t be right.

“Is that legal?” she finally asked, tone carefully neutral, and for the moment they both ignored Clara’s spluttering. Rose met his gaze head on, that spark of mischief and adventure hiding just below the surface, and his heart clenched.

“Apparently. You didn’t know?”

She shook her head slowly, the shock fading from her face. “I thought he might leave me a trinket or something- the most I hoped for was that Renoir. I mean-” Rose swallowed, and he felt slightly better that she hadn’t run away screaming.

Yet.

“What, exactly, would it take to… to satisfy the terms?” She flushed, and after a moment he did too, not trusting himself to speak given where his mind had gone. “I mean- you know what I mean. And what if… you don’t?”

“If I don’t,” he said carefully, leaning on the countertop towards her, “everything goes to the government. As for the actual terms, it was fairly simple, basically. Legally- well. Stay that way for five years.” He winced automatically, but she didn’t react other than to blink.

“When would all this have to happen?”

Malcolm paused, assessing her. She’s too calm. “Technically, in the next thirty days.”

Rose nodded slowly, before exhaling. “Right.” Standing up, she slid her purse strap over her shoulder. “Um, I’m going home. The samples are there. I will see you tomorrow and you,” she glanced at a wide-eyed Clara, “Saturday.”

“Uh huh!”

And then she was gone, leaving Malcolm alone with his daughter and three half-melted ice cream sundaes.

Just when he was starting to worry Clara moved, turning to face him and still looking stunned. “Okay, what the fuck? Start at the beginning, leave nothing out!”

Rose startled awake, disorientated as she blinked and looked around, trying to remember what had happened. Why am I on the couch? The noise coming from the hallway outside her flat coalesced, and she turned her head to stare blankly in that direction. Who’s knocking at midnight?

Yawning, she struggled upright, straightening her clothes and hair as she shuffled towards the door. Peering through the security hole, she rolled her eyes to herself. Of course. Who else would it be?

Swinging the door open, she stepped aside. “Hey.”

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Clara was still bright-eyed, full of energy, dumping her jacket and purse on Rose’s kitchen table and hustling to the kettle. “It’s only just gone midnight! Look alive!”

Rose followed her into the kitchen, leaning on the doorframe and trying to keep her eyes open. “D’you know, this was the number one thing I hated about living with you. I genuinely do not believe I have ever seen you asleep, except for that time you got the flu. And even then, you were just groggy. How d’you do it?”

“Coffee!”

“Right.” Rose yawned again, hugging herself. “What’re you doing here, anyway?”

Clara paused then, leaning back on the counter and smiling sheepishly. “Wanted to check on you. That was something, wasn’t it?”

Brain still rebooting, it took Rose a minute to grasp her meaning. “You mean the part where your uncle is trying to marry me off to my boss?”

“Technically he was Dad’s uncle. But, yes, that part. It’s bonkers, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” The kettle whistled then, and she shook her head. “Pour those, will you?” Not waiting for an answer she returned to the couch, curling up in one corner and pulling a fleece throw around her shoulders.

Clara followed her a minute later, carefully carrying two full mugs of tea. “Here we go, ton of sugar and a dash of cream, just how you like it,” she chirped, handing one over, adding when Rose coughed at the first sip, “and a splash of scotch.”

“Thanks,” Rose said dryly, watching her friend settle into the other corner and smiling. They’d done this a thousand times, during uni and after – spiked tea, curling up on the couch and talking about boys. Malcolm’s not a ‘boy’. He’s her father. What the hell do I do?

“So, what are you thinking?” the brunette prompted, watching her expectantly. “You haven’t said anything yet.”

“Who could get a word in edgewise?” A glare made her sigh. “I genuinely have no idea. I mean, yes- it’s bonkers.”

Clara froze with her tea halfway to her mouth, mug hovering oddly in mid-air. “Do I detect a ‘but’?”

Running her thumb along the lip of the mug, Rose tried to absorb the warmth from it as she organized her thoughts. “Losing the funding would be the end of the Foundation. Full stop. You know he hates taking outside money, all the strings attached. Without the inheritance, it’s over. Eight years of my life, gone. I’d have to get another job.” Staring down into her drink, she tried to picture going on interviews, job hunting and working for someone else. I like working for Malcolm. There’s a reason I never left. “There’s no denying I’ve got it great right now, and I don’t want to lose that.”

“Is that it?”

Her friend’s even stare bore a hole in her defenses, and Rose ducked her head further, hair falling forward to cover her face. “I’m sure Wallace had his reasons,” she muttered defensively.

Silence lingered long enough for Rose to raise her head and make sure Clara was still there, only to find her watching with a calm, almost accepting expression on her face.

Nothing could have prepared her for Clara’s next words, however.

“You’re in love with my dad, aren’t you?”

#bbatcfic #ficandchips #Doctor Who #doctorroseprompts #Human!12xRose #Human!Twelfth Doctor #Rose Tyler #Human AU #AU #The Nuptial Necessity

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crazybnhatheorist · 6 years ago

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Finding the UA traitor - Part 2 | Yaoyorozu the Best Girl

Welcome in my UA traitor theory part 2! If you haven't seen part 1 yet, go check it out, because it's necessary to understand what I'll be talking about.

As I said, Yaoyorozu traitor theory was mentioned few times, but it looks like nobody takes it seariously. It's time to change that.

Warnings: one tiny miny manga spoiler, but I put markings before and after it. Long post.

During the summer training camp

First thing to question is the noumu Dabi was given. Giving him one of these is kinda big deal. Despite this, it looks like he completely ditches it, letting it to wander around and kill some random students. It is also a trust test for Dabi, so a smart person like him would rather use it to idk, slow down students chasing mr. Compress or to keep Ereaserhead away from any fights.

MINOR SPOILER(in the recent manga chapters we see him being given control over a noumu again - the High End this time. Why would anybody let him do this if he failed during the summer camp? Because it didn't cause ANY harm then, heck it got a transmitter attached to it) NO MORE SPOILERS

When I was reading that scene with noumu chasing Yaoyorozu and boy from 1-B(I'm sorry, I can't remember his name) for first time, I got it weird that the noumu didn't kill them. Like, why did it approach so slowly? It would kill them both easily if it only wanted... Yeah, WANTED. And it may be just a plothole, but doesn't a transmitter like this need a satelite to work? How would she know how to create it without preparing to it earlier?

Hideout Raid

Valid thing think about is, that AFO actually wanted factory raid to happen. How do I know that?

While preparing the fake, I don't believe nobody noticed this big black thingy in noumu's back. If they wanted to, they would just destroy it, or better, send to any other location to trick heroes. But AFO decided to use it as a bait. Also, he had his ultimate quirk compilation completed - I think that after he learned All Might has a heir, he knew that it is soon for him to retire. He wanted to fight him to make this fall big and tragic. As we later see, it helps Tomura A LOT. He didn't plan to get captured, though.

But hey, how do I know that the factory was a fake? It isn't as complicated as it might seem - the front entrance was unused for a long time, there was a big mess inside and the noumus present in there were transported from their usual location - Kurogiri said it himself. If i remember correctly, Tsukauchi mentioned it, too. It was made in a rush, though.

Back on the line, if he had destroyed the transmitter, he would teleport Tomura, first strike team and Bakugou away from the fight. And boom, happy end for LoV. It's really interesting that a great storyteller like Horikoshi created an arc with this big plot hole.

Anyway, let's get to the factory itself. One day after summer camp, only Momo herself, All Might, Tsukauchi, Todoroki and Kirishima knew about the transmitter. The next day rest of the class gets to know this information and the very same night, the raid takes place. If Yaoyorozu was innocent, in the best case, AFO would have something about a day and a half to find right place, somehow transport all the stuff and noumus there. Well, maybe he knew about that place before and used his teleportation quirk on noumus, so it's not impossible but still.

But you probably have this one question on your mind - if Momo is the traitor, then why did she help with rescuing Bakugou?

"Shigaraki didn't know about rescuing Bakugou, so if we already know it would have to be a student, they must |1 be Hagakure or Jirou knocked out by gas |2 care about rescuing Bakugou more than possible consequenses for themselves |3 be from class 1-B" -from part 1

Yaoyorozu falls for category 2 here. This isn't unlikely, cause we see her excited to help her classmates many times etc, back to it later. Notice what she said when she decided to follow them - to keep an eye on them so they won't do anything stupid. Also, she's the only one from rescue Baku squad that wasn't seen by any of the villains, so no consequenses for her.

Also, if it seems logical that the group needed disguises, when you think about it, it doesn't work for her sake either. Nobody but her got that idea, and yes she is in fact one of the most inteligent characters in the series, but the idea of hole mission was to sneak in and out. She's the only one worrying about it - the rest of the group didn't even consider it useful. Like she really wanted to hide from someone, or anything. (Nothing sure though, I might be just overreacting)

There's also Momo's expression while telling All Might about the transmitter. It is clearly guilt - we are told that she regrets not doing something more, but an information like this is a big deal and I'm sure she knows that. Maybe she felt guilty because she knew what was going to happen? Also, if her actions were the reason Kirishima initiated rescue mission, it is another motive for her to join them.

What about motivation?

The first time we see her, she lacks self-confidence and has problems with making decisions for herself. Why would a rich girl with such awsome quirk be like that? Look at Bakugou for example.

It is clearly fault of someone raising her. If her family had connections with All for One, she may have been raised to the role of obedient spy in hero community.

Also, her family is VERY rich. We are told, that her parents are heroes, but we don't hear about them once, so they aren't very popular. In order to be so wealthy, it's likely that they have also another income. The experiments with noumus must be expensive, so they would be perfect people to sponsor them.

Pros and cons

Every theory has it's weak and strong points. This part is like a summary of them.

Pros

Reasonable motivation

Character developement - we haven't seen her arc yet

Fills many, at first sight, small plot holes, so nice foreshadowing here

One of the most appreciated characters by both fandom and protagonists

Nobody really suspects her

Cons

The plot holes may not be intentional

If AFO planned the factory raid, why was the fake factory made in such rush?

Anyway, that's it for my Yaoyorozu traitor theory! Even if it's doesn't take first place on my list, I still like it much (maaaaybe because I put in it much, much work).

However, I'd love to discuss about it, so don't be afraid to text me to ask questions or to point out anything I missed! I'd love to hear your theories, too, so if you have written one, or maybe like one very much, please send me a link!

Andomygod after the positive feedback from part 1 I feel like I raised the level too high and someone could be dissapointed reading it. I'm shitting myself right now.

For the part three I've planned another suspect and it's, for now, my favourite one. It may take me a little bit longer to write it though, cause you know, school week started (I'll make sure you'll be able to see it before weekend, though). I hope you enjoy my theory so far!

So yeah, see ya, pumpkins!

#bnha #mha #mha theory #bnha traitor theory #bnha theory #bnha traitor #momo yaoyorozu #yaoyorozumomo #mha yaoyorozu #mha traitor theory

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theprivilegedshatlord-blog · 6 years ago

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I am the friend known as “H” from CancerChaser blog in Chapter 6

I am here to corroborate what my friend said and provide my side of the story of this situation. Walhartonsclub (WC) told me about CancerChaser (CC) back in 2016 after the first incident where CC was wiling out on WC because of what seemed to a misunderstanding of affording a phone. I initially told WC to ignore him because he was not worth shit or at least is what I initially thought. From there he kept me informed about what CC did throughout.Now to go into when i was first referenced in the chronicles about CancerChaser. From what I knew at the time, CC asked WC to send emails over and over from phone to his email. Have no idea why would he need WC to do that. He could have used something like Imgur. Given that CC had a phone that was not a smartphone based on what I was told, it would probably be impossible. Of course trying to make simple suggestions to him like this is enough to make CC go into a hair-triggering temper tantrum, so there is no use to try to convince him to upgrade. It was 2016, being up to date shouldn’t be too hard, you can even get refurbished smartphones for a fraction of full retail price. My parents have the latest phones and they are older than CC by decades. Why did CC chose WC instead of other friends for these favors is beyond me. So he asked and asked and asked WC to send him these pics over and over. WC complied with generosity. WC likes to please his friends. He has pleased me multiple times. He also tries to be the best person he can be. Needless to say CC took advantage of him.So when it came time for CC return the favor, he was resistant initially. When he finally did start playing, he did until after half of the game was over. The game was Spring Breeze from Kirby’s Super Star on Super NIntendo. Did you know that Spring Breeze is a remake of the original Kirby’s Dream Land on Game Boy with a missing level and boss? So CC did not even bother finishing such a short abridged game. That betrayal was just foul play on CC’s end.

Then CC would later use WC’s insecurities to gain him back and asked for more favors. WC then approached me on rethinking the situation. I initially thought that he probably did not like the game and was bored. I made the suggestion to pick a game that has much less interaction. Like some touch screen DS or 3DS game. WC brought up Warioware Twisted Touched!, so I thought would be a good choice there. My reasoning is that CC probably has no real interest in video games. I have heard that he has play Super Mario Bros. 3 growing up. Which makes me realize that CC is a very casual non-gamer person.

Reading the situation in question at Chapter 5 reveals that CC had been simply holding the controller where the direction pad in the upper right corner and seemingly pressed no buttons which means he was faking interest and had no intention at all to return the favor. He really should have said that he had no interest in playing video games. He was lying to manipulate WC. Which comes to no surprise that CC refused to play Warioware Twisted Touched! when asked. He cannot play easy games. He cannot play very simple games. But he would lie about having an interest only for him to evade that with excuses. With friends like these who needs bullies?

The next time I was involved was when WC was having his panic attack resulting from personal issues that are stated in Chapter 6. I have received certain pictures that hinted that he was contemplating suicide. Being under vacation time from my job, I decided to actually come see WC to check up on him myself. When I saw him, he was sitting on a couch. When he saw me he was excited to see me I asked if he took any of the pills or hurt himself, he told me that he gave himself more time to think about it. Perhaps to think about the people that love him.

He told me about the situation that led up to the panic attack. Best way to describe what was happening without revealing confidential information is that someone was very sick and emotions erupted. I had told him that he needs more time to hang out with friends. We not only did Spring Breeze in full, but also Meta Knight’s Revenge, Dyna Blade, and Great Cave Offensive as well. Games in that collection that are larger than Spring Breeze. We did not get to do Milky Way Wishes that day, but we did eventually got to do it at another time. We also played Brawl Brothers, all I remember is that there was a code to play the Japanese version and we did that and completed the game. It was short at 5 levels long. We also played Events in Super Smash Bros. for Wii U. We did not clear all of the event, only some but we did have fun.

At Applebees we discussed the situation further. There I learned that he had sent the same pics to other friends as well which made me concerned. I thought that WC was going to get a wellness check on him or worse be committed to a mental ward for days. I only knew one recipient among the 7 besides myself (I never met CC in person). The person I knew is a mutual friend. The mutual friend never really got to see the messages, so he was unaware (it reached an old phone and when he got a new one, the messages were deleted). The mutual was relieved to know that WC was okay and felt better. And yes the mutual is informed of CC and his bullshit antics; I can confirm that he heavily resents CC, as I do.

So I had to get WC to do damage control to avoid being institutionalized. As information like this can scare people and be irrational. We needed for cooler heads to prevail. So WC told everyone that it was for attention. So WC can still run his panel at a upcoming convention and not be stuck that weekend in a mental hospital. He really needed to avoid the ruining of plans like that.

After all, my cousin once told me about the one time she told exactly one person that she felt suicidal because an aunt of hers being diagnosed of cancer (from her dad’ side, I’m related through our moms being sisters). Telling her best friend was enough for the BF to call the ambulance and my cousin had to stay in a mental ward for 16 days!

CC’s response was very callous. As far as I know, he never asked what was going on around that time. He just stayed silent and only responded with that shitty “I knew it” bullshit when he received a fucking coverup. WC was crying for help and I answered the call. I live 2 hours away and this asshat lives minutes away in walking speed, yet gives radio silence to someone he calls himself a friend to, is mere blocks away, while I invest in gas and mileage to make sure WC is okay. Some friend CC is. For someone who claims to be “a good friend” in his hate mail; he sure shows no effort in even trying to check up on him. Real piece of scum CC is.

I later go to see the panel and I liked it. Which comes to no surprise in my perspective. The next day I played Streets of Rage 1 with WC. The only other thing I remember is that there was some dude I met who was in a wheelchair because he broke his foot days before.

Now for my thoughts about CancerChaser and his narcissism.

Walhartonsclub would later work for New York Comic-Con and buy the Super NES Classic. Which meant for the later part of September and early October he would be very busy. He also was seeking for connections, so there would not be any room for free time. CancerChaser did not give a shit about the adult responsibilities WC had to do. And despite CC being older than WC, CC would not take no for an answer and start guilt tripping WC. Having enough of CC’s scummy actions, WC finally cut ties. This was met with harassment and hatemail. Which truly shows CC’s irredeemable character in full form.

CC is a fucking disgrace to everything it means to being gay. If I was gay, I would rather live in a fucking fraternity of homophobic bullies that to ever have anything to do with CC. This old man never seemed to learn a single thing about accountability or responsibility. How dare does he interfere with a job? What gives him the right to call his target for the simple reason to give expletives to him? And his emails? Disgusting does not come close. Making empty threats to for law enforcement for intimidation and truly showing his true colors on how he uses people only to claim they are useless after the fact. And his latest unprovoked email where he makes more empty threats and more shitty insults is fucked up. I have heard that CC passed by a block away from WC’s home twice after 2017. That is obvious projection. CC’s knows WC’s location. Clearly CC is the stalker. Stalking close to his target’s home and then acts like he is the victim and being harassed is scummy behavior. I have never seen such a scummy person ever as far as stalkers and harassers go.

I honestly have no consideration for him as a human being. If he receives anything terrible short of death, it is karma. He deserves nothing but negativity and hate. This man is among the lowest of monsters. I have had to deal with people with psychosis several years ago, but this man is worse by the power of 10. There is bad people and there is EXTREME SCUM. CancerChaser is the latter. The only people worse than CancerChaser are child rapists, pedophiles, murderers, terrorists, abusive parents, and human traffickers. All those aside, CancerChaser is the worst kind of person out there. Fuck this man. Fuck him HARD!

And finally I got one thing to announce. I get the feeling that people do not really want to read long as fuck posts like this on tumblr. I am going to fix that. I am going to working on readings of the CancerChaser blog and post them on YouTube so people who don’t really care about reading essays can listen to the situation as well. Because we really to expose CancerChaser and let tons of people know who much inhumane scumbag CC truly is.

#cancerchaser

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borusawa · 6 years ago

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1 New Message

A/N: Here’s the chapter one of the story. A little big, I know. You can read my other works in my masterlist. (I know I posted twice, but it’s because i’m testing something.)

Beta reader: @abbypdg again, cause she is my baby.

Warnings: As I said, this book is hated mature but this chapter has nothing abnormal, only some cursing and a lot of angst (but this is only the beginning).

Word count: 5,398

< Prologue Chapter 2 >

CHAPTER 1: Date Nights and Ghosts

3:23AM Idiot

We gotta talk. Wait for me if you finish

the test first, ‘kay?

Now Me

Okay.

That message was definitely a new thing. What could it possibly be? I tried not to think about it too much and focus on the day ahead instead. But it was hard. All I could think of was the subject of the talk as tried to keep myself from imagining it too far. I dressed up and went to the kitchen with my best blank face, afraid of Chocho’s questions. To my relief, she wasn’t up yet and I left the apartment before having to face her. Chocho was a great friend but too interested in others’ lives to her own good.

Only the teacher was in the class when I got there and I politely greeted him good morning. He was a middle age man with a beer kind of belly and a bad-tied tie. The sun was reflecting right on his bald head and I hold back the laugh.

“Always the early bird, right Sarada?”

I tried to laugh at his comment but instead an awkward sound left from my mouth and I covered it up with a cough. “Yes, sir.”

“Don’t be so serious. It’s only the two of us here.”

I furrowed my brows. What? “…Okay?” I took my place, secretly hoping for someone to appear soon, and I went through my stuff, taking my notes and giving them a quick glance before the test. To my happiness or to my despair, the first person to appear was Boruto. His hair was crazy and the bag in his eyes told a story of someone who hadn’t slept enough last night, what I only could deduce by the time he had sent the message. I wondered why, though.

“Good morning, sunshine. You look like a broken Barbie today.” I said, seeing him rub his eyes with the right hand and taking his seat by my side. “What happened to you after I left last night?”

“Nothing.” He smirked. This guy was up to no good and I knew it.

“Hey, I know that nothing. I use that nothing.” I smirked back.

“Let’s talk about this later, okay?” His serious tone surprised me a little and I took that as my cue to shut up.

“Fine.” I answered quickly, turning to face my notes once again. What was wrong with him?

Soon, the class was crowded and we started the test. Boruto finished before me and when I left the class my phone had a message from him.

10:42AM Idiot

I’m in the cafeteria waiting for you.

Now Me

I’m going.

It wasn’t hard to find him, his blond hair worked well to highlight his presence. He spotted me and waved. I couldn’t wait to know what he needed to tell me. I sat across the table smiling, placing my stuff in the chair beside me.

“How was your test, Sarada?”

“I think it went well. I had reviewed most of its content so I’m confident. What about yours?”

He stared down while smiling. “I have no idea, but I guess it went okay.” He took a sip from his large cup of coffee that, until now, went unnoticed by me.

“What happened last night?” I giggled to relax the tension between us.

All the while I pondered if it was a serious or a normal topic but either way, something had to explain his current behavior, the night up and the smile playing on his lips. I wished it was something about Shikadai and his mother because that was an easy thing to deal with. I hoped it had nothing to do about me or him or, worst of all, us. I had feelings for him for as long as I could remember, since we used to play together as kids and he would make fun of me for my glasses or I made fun of him for his, most of the times, stupid words. We grew up together as family, friends and sometimes border lining the “more”. I just wanted him to correspond my feelings but at the same time, I had no intention of declaring my love first. Love is kind of weird and I was weirder. My mom used to say that I got that from my dad, but who knows.

“I didn’t go home after leaving you.”

I furrowed my brows, all ghost of smiling left my face completely. I was completely taken aback by his words, I wanted to pretend it was okay but my body wasn’t cooperating at all, so I just stood there, staring at him seriously, seeing that he was avoiding my gaze but I couldn’t imagine why. “ Y-You… didn’t? Where did you go then?”

“I got to tell you from the start.” He sighed before kept on going. “There’s this girl I like really much. I wanted to ask her out but I didn’t know how.” My heart started racing, my mouth went dry and my eyes widened, all this in one blink. Who was he talking about? Was it about me? “So, yesterday I gather the courage to finally ask her out but…”

I could not hide my curiosity anymore. I wished he was more straightforward. “But what?”

“But I went her house after leaving you and she wasn’t there.” So no, it wasn’t me.

I could deal with that, right? I totally could deal with that. It looked like he needed me right at that moment. He needed his best friend and I was willing to be there for him even with my heart shattered in pieces. I could collect myself later; what I couldn’t do was avoiding the hurt.

And I was hurt. More than any other moment in my life.

More than when my parents had started to fight every day and I thought they were going to divorce. More than when the guy I had my first kiss had started dating my closest friend back in elementary school. More than when I had noticed that no relationship in my life would work while I still had feelings for Boruto. More than when I gave up trying to have a normal date life because I knew I would only hurt innocent people bringing them to my mess of feelings. No, nothing compared. His words were the statement that we would never work out together and even though I expected something, it wasn’t that. I expected more for what our friendship meant and it was my fault. I just thought maybe I… I mean, we could be more than friends somehow. I was clearly mistaken.

“Wait, who is she?” I asked, holding my feelings inside me in the best Sarada’s way possible.

“You don’t know her yet, but I’m hoping you’ll know it soon.” He managed to stare back at me, his eyes clouded by a feeling I couldn’t recognize. “Anyway, I messaged her and she told me she was in her way home from her parents’ house or so. When she got home we talked for hours. I felt so good around her and I got the feeling that she felt the same around me last night, so I asked her out and she accepted.”

“I see.” It was my turn to avoid his gaze, in order to keep him from seeing something I wasn’t able to hide. The truth is I wanted to cry right there and now, but I needed to be as strong as I could be. I was the best pretender I’ve ever met. And I intended to maintain that title.

“I have a date today and I need your help.”

In that moment, while he was looking at me with bags under his eyes for staying up all night talking with another girl, and not less but the one he liked, I knew I wasn’t going to have my cute and easy life story, where everything goes as planned. And I knew Boruto wasn’t for me. We were just friends and after so many years waiting, I thought I should just... give up.

Skip that date and go out with me instead. “I’d help you through anything. You can rely on me.” His grin went wider with my words. What the fuck is this guy doing to me? "Can I know her name at least?"

"Yuki. She is awesome, you are going to love her she's-"

Exactly when he was starting to make a speech about the Yuki girl, his phone rang, and looking at the screen he raised the left hand for me to wait while he answered the call. During his talk, my mind wandered to what this Yuki girl could possibly look like to make Boruto be so crazy about her. His eyes sparkled when mentioned her name and I had never saw him that way before. She was the first girl he was really showing interest about, I didn’t even know if he ever had others and I thought if there were others, they weren’t important enough for him, otherwise he would tell me. I was still his best friend so I could tell Yuki was a new feeling for Boruto. And that was what scared me the most.

He turned his phone off and sighed. “I gotta go.”

“Something happened?” I asked with my voice filled with worry.

“Well, I haven’t told you till this point because I wasn’t sure, but everything is settled and this weekend I’ll be moving to your building.” He couldn’t hold back a smile and I was just shocked and confused. “Yeah, actually not only me but the guys. Mitsuki heard from Chocho about the empty apartment in your floor and we figured it would be nice.”

“Who are ‘the guys’?” I raised a brow. The only roommate Boruto had in the moment was Shikadai.

“Mitsuki, Shikadai and I. There’s a fourth guy but I don’t know much about him. All I know is that he’s friends with Shikadai and used to live alone but decided to have roommates now. Shikadai said that he’s more a rich spoiled brat than me, so I can’t wait to meet him and apparently that’s where I’m going now.” He hurried and stood up.

“Wait, who called you?”

“Shikadai.” He paused for a moment. “What you think about I stepping in your house later?”

“Yeah, sure.” And he left me alone with that.

“See you later!”

The whole deal about his moving got Yuki out of my mind for a little moment, but it came back as soon as Boruto walked away. The last thing I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts, yet I was sitting in a crowded place with a lot going on in my own world, too busy to notice anyone close to me. I was resting my face on my arm, totally over the table and glaring nowhere. So when someone sat in Boruto’s former seat I didn’t pay attention until the person started talking to me.

“Earth to Sarada. You got to stop spacing out.” Mitsuki said. “What happened? You look upset.” Mitsuki unwrapped his sandwich and my stomach started to rumble, what I took as a signal to eat.

“Nothing.” Why was hiding my first reaction to any question about my feelings?

“Why is hiding your first answer to everything?” You got me.

I glared at him with brows knit together. “Since when you know shit about human behavior?”

“Since Chocho made me watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”

“I’ve been there.” I rolled my eyes, what apparently made Mitsuki giggle.

“It’s a useful show if you intend to know something about crazy rich girls.” He took a sip from his juice. “But let’s not quit the topic. Why are you upset?”

He started to eat his sandwich and I start to ponder either tell him the truth or not. He wasn’t making too much pressure, but my guess it was because he knew if he pressed me, he couldn’t get anything. Smart bastard. But the truth is he only wants me to be fine, he’s not asking for curiosity, Mitsuki wanted to help.

I sighed after a long silence. “It’s Boruto.”

“Boruto again?”

“You sounded like my mother. That was weird.” I pointed with narrowed eyes.

“Sorry. Keep going.”

“It’s Boruto and that Yuki girl.” I sighed again. Talking to Mitsuki was almost like removing a weight from my shoulders.

He stopped eating to stare at me. “So… You found out about her, hum.”

“Yeah, I…” Realization suddenly hit me. “Wait, you knew about her?”

“Yes, you’re not the only friend Boruto has, you know? And Chocho also knows because I told her. I wouldn’t be surprised if Sumire knows too. You know how Chocho is.” I was shocked. Why were they hiding it from me? I was the only one allowed to hide things.

“So everyone knew and nobody told me? Why?” I throw myself against the back of chair, surprised with my friends’ betrayal.

“Chocho said it was better to spare your feelings, Shikadai said that love was too troublesome and that he was happy for not liking anyone and I just didn’t disagree with any of them.”

“Then, why Boruto didn’t tell me before?”

“He just shared with me because I asked and I guess Shikadai know because he knows the girl.” He started to eat again and I got that as the end of the talk. My stomach was aching at that point so I decided to head back home to eat something since I had the rest of the day free.

“Shouldn’t you be meeting your new roommate?”

Mitsuki face palmed himself. “Fuck. I knew I was forgetting something. Thanks, I totally forgot that when I saw you all sad.” I giggled while Mitsuki grabbed his things. When he finished taking everything, he stood up but stopped before leaving. “You shouldn’t be worrying about Yuki, though. Boruto will come back to you eventually.” And then he left, smiling and running right after. Back? He was never mine in first place.

I took my phone and sent a message to Chocho.

Now Me

R u home?

Now Chocho

Yes

It was surprising how Chocho always answered right away. Apparently, no matter where she was or what she was doing, she always had her phone in hands and I could trust that in any moment of my life. I headed home by walking as soon as I received her message. I didn’t want to overthink but, what option did I had? I needed to get my things clear before talking to anyone else. It took good fifteen minutes to finally get home, my mind replaying the talk with Boruto over and over like a broken disc, reminding me how things would change from that moment. It was inevitable. He was happy and I was broken, unable to say when I would be fine again but not even thinking about it. I wanted to feel the sorrow because that feeling was what would remind me that everytime Boruto and I were together, he didn’t belong to me, and even when we gravitated around each other, we would never attract, because he is always running away from me. I gave up waiting, there was no reason for.

With the keys on the door, I prepared myself to anything. All my willpower was required to face my roommates’ possible questions. I sighed and opened the door carefully. To my pleasure, an awesome food smell entered my nose and by that I just knew Sumire was home. As I said at some point, she was the sane of the house most of the times and probably responsible for the delicious smell.

I left my bag in the couch and headed to the kitchen with my fake smile ready. “Oh my god, I’m so hungry.”

“Hi, Sarada. Welcome home!”

“Thank you, Sumire. How are you? Long time no see. ”

She giggled. “I’m fine, and you?”

“Hn… I heard that you slept with your new boyfriend last night.” I smirked, expecting her reaction. The girl went all red but stood mixing her pans. I sat on one of the chairs of the four-place table in the center of our kitchen, resting my arms and head on the table. “How was it?”

“S-saradaaa!!” She stuttered, her hands covering her face.

“It’s okay, girl, we are all adults here, and you probably did nothing I didn’t do already. You will need to talk with us eventually, though. Not sharing any details, just be more open about it.” Be open. That was an advice I should try to follow at some point. Hn, naah. Either way my words were no use to relax her so I decided to change the subject. “So, when will we meet the guy?” She calmed down and faced me.

Sumire sighed. “Today is Friday so…” she made a pause and looked up, like she was thinking about it, but when she spoke again, she looked at me fiercely. “Never.” And she turned back to look for something in the cabinets. I raised myself from the table, narrowing my eyes at her answer.

“Wha-” My question was totally ignored since Chocho entered the kitchen calling my name.

“Sarada, are you okay?” Chocho walked directly to me, grabbing my hand while I confusedly watched her. I saw in my eye corner that Sumire was smiling. I bet she was happy I wasn’t asking anything about her boyfriend anymore.

“How did you know I was here and why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“I saw your bag on the couch, obviously.” She carefully sat beside me. “I was talking to Mitsuki.” Her tone made everything clear.

“Oh.” We went all silence. What were we supposed to say anyway? She knew what I was feeling and I knew that she didn’t want me to feel that way, but none of us could avoid the fact.

“What happened? I’m kinda lost here.” Sumire said, wiping her hands and getting closer to sitting with us after turning off the stove.

My gaze was fixated on the floor and I tried my best not to give in to my feelings. “She found out about Yuki.” Chocho answered in my place.

“Oh.” They both directed pity looks at me. I wished they didn’t because that made me feels worse.

“I’m okay, really. Stop worrying.” I shook my head and put an annoyed face. “It’s not that surprising, you know. He doesn’t like me; he would like someone at some point.” We fell silence once again.

Chocho’s face lighted up as she remembered something. “You know what we should do?” Sumire and I exchanged glances; we knew that nothing good was coming for that. “There’s that party today-“

“No.” I calmly said before she finished her sentence.

“At least let me finish.”

“No, Chocho, that’s not what I need. I need some time alone to think.” My stomach rumbles again. “And I need to eat.” I stood up and went to see the pans, my back turned to them. I took a deep breath and I felt a lonely tear in my right cheek. I knew my friends noticed, they always noticed, but both Chocho and Sumire knew better than bother me about my feelings. Previous experiences taught them that the best thing was to let me handle that in my way. I coughed before talking, just to make sure my voice was bold when I spoke again. “What did you make, Sumire?”

“I-I made spaghetti.”

I turned to see them. “Thank you, girls.”

The lunch went fine, despite Chocho constant questions about Sumire and her night with the mysterious boyfriend, which made the innocent girl almost faint. When we finished, I told the girls I was going to my room and maybe nap, but the truth was that I wasn’t planning to. I entered my room locking the door behind me. I couldn’t keep my pain inside anymore. I took my spectacles away from my face so my tears could freely run through my face. Sobbing, I placed my glasses on my night stand and sat on my bed hugging my legs. Should love be this hard? My mind wandered to places I never want to relive, memories of all the moments I thought that was more, and the times we only had each other for comforting. I wondered if they meant nothing to him, if he couldn’t see the things I saw, if I should have told him my feelings years ago, if he would reject me easily. The ifs were killing me, and I didn’t know what to do despite crying. Was that impossible for me to be loved? To be wanted? Dumb me thought I had a chance with him, dumb me thought that I was nearly enough for him. For a moment, I wondered if he ever felt like I was feeling at that moment, if he ever felt like his world was falling down into madness, into a sea full of tears and sorrow. No, he was too good for that.

At some point though, I fell asleep and I was woken up by a fucking loud music coming from my living room and I stood up fucking furious, opening the fucking door with rage in my eyes and killing intent.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS FUCKING GOING ON HERE?” My eyes weren’t quite opened yet and when I came back to put my glasses, I saw a perfect set of teeth grinning and blue eyes playfully staring at me in my room’s door. I stared at him while he pressed the turn off button of the remote in his hands, making the annoying sound to stop, making me hear some laughing coming from the living room. That’s what will kill me: Rage. “What was that?”

“Oh, so you can complete a sentence without the f word.” Boruto’s grin grew wider. That boy loved to tease me and I hated it with all my heart.

“Fuck you, asshole. Where the f… Where are Chocho and Sumire?” I sat on my bed, rubbing my eyes and fixing my glasses.

“Chocho is in the couch with Mitsuki, obviously laughing her ass off because of your reaction and Sumire... To be honest I don’t know, she wasn’t here when I came.”

“Odd. She’s being out a lot lately.”

“Must be because of her-“ Boruto got closer to sat by my side.

“Her boyfriend, I know.” I looked at him. Why is this boy being the topic lately?

“How do you feel being the only single roommate? Feeling left out already?” He said playfully, a smirk on his face and his index finger trying touching my side. I wasn’t that playful though. At that point, I wasn’t able to hear the laughing outside anymore. I wonder what are Chocho and Mitsuki doing to be so silent.

“Get out.”

Boruto furrowed his eyebrows, his face turning into a confused expression. “What?”

I pointed to the door. “Get. Out.”

He didn’t show any intentions to move so I started to push him to the door, so he started to laugh and shouted. “No, Sarada, please stop! Let me stay! I’ll stop teasing you, I swear!” I stopped pushing him and he spoke low and slowly. “Please, I need your help.”

I crossed my arms and narrowed my eyes. “Spill it.”

He sighed and motioned for us to sit in the bed again. I sat but my expression remained still. “I need dating advice.”

“YOU NEED WHAT?” I started to laugh hard, throwing myself back and hitting my head on the wall but I didn’t even mind. “You are asking the single one for advising?” He stood still, staring seriously at me, which made me frown. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“Yeah, you are the one that knows me better and since you’re the only one single, you have a clearer idea of what you’d want on a first date.”

I pondered for a minute. “Do you remember the last time I went on a date?”

“Wasn’t that when your father appeared in the middle of the movie and dragged you out?”

I closed my eyes, my mind brought to life that moment again, even though sometimes it popped up spontaneously in my nightmares. “Yes. And that was sophomore year in high school. Now we are sophomores in college, don’t you see that? I know nothing about dating, that thing doesn’t work for me. One night stands, that’s what I know about.” That was all I let myself feel for another humans: physical attraction and nothing more. I didn’t want to play with people’s feelings because I was in love with someone that didn’t love me back but still, girls gotta eat. If papa knew that though, he would eat me alive. With only a glare.

“What you don’t know about dating, you compensate with your knowledge about me and my terrible behavior. Let’s start simple, what should I try to avoid?”

“You shouldn’t go then. You’d need to avoid being you.” I smirked and he raised a brow. “Okay, seriously now. Try not to rush things, you need to calm down and take your time to everything. To speak, to walk. Don’t scream and please don’t share your daddy issues just yet. If uncle Naruto calls you during your date, act normally without the scandal you usually do.”

He huffed. “I don’t do a scandal.” I stared at him. “I’ll try to avoid it, then.”

“You should seriously don’t talk too much about yourself too. Think about things you want to know about her before going and ask her them.” I sighed and closed my eyes. I couldn’t avoid to imagine how our first date would be like, if he would try to be nicer just for me or if he would be the same Boruto as always. Being a good friend sucks sometimes. “Compliment her, but not too much. Laugh at her jokes and help her with any struggle. That’s pretty much it.” Well, my advice was sure way better than I expected it to be. I opened my eyes only to see that he was watching me with such a cute smile on his lips. “What?”

“See? I knew you would be helpful.” I put my tongue out and giggled. “I gotta go now, my date is in one hour.” He sighed. “But first, I’ll need to ask one more favor.”

“Spit it, pretty boy.”

“Tomorrow we’ll start the moving out so... maybe, if you are in the mood, can you step by at my apartment and help us? The new guy will be there too, you’ll have the chance to meet him then. His name is Inojin, by the way. Apparently Namida, Denki and Iwabe will be there too. And you know that girl that was in love with Shikadai a while ago?”

“Which girl?” I narrowed my eyes. Despite being completely uninterested in any living creature, Shikadai sure was attractive to a lot of weird girls. Maybe it was because of his intelligence. Whatever.

“The less weird of them all, the one with blonde hair, that’s always alone or with that really good looking guy, Shinki, and the other.”

Oh, I remembered Shinki. He sure caught every girl eye and yet, the girl who was always with him, fell in love with Shikadai. Maybe that’s why they were friends. I thought I should learn from her. “Oh, you mean Yodo. Yeah, I know. What about her?”

“I called her too since is practically a get together and a farewell to the old apartment, right? I wish he gave her more attention, though.”

“Aren’t you cute trying to make everyone to have a relationship?” I awed.

“You’d be the next but it’s hard when you’re so denial with your feelings.”

All I did was to make an annoyed face. “HAHAHA now go. Otherwise you will be late for your date.” I stood up with arms crossed and ready kick him out of my room.

When he got to the door, he turned to me and smirked. “Fine, fine, I’m going. But you cannot avoid this talk forever.”

“I can, and I will.” We smiled to each other, we both knowing the other unspoken words. He knew that I was saying that I didn’t want to do that and I could almost hear him saying that I should stop being stubborn.

As soon as he left the room, I closed the door but I still heard his scared yell from the other room. ‘Mitsuki? What the hell is this? You two could be in her room. Ewww.’ I giggled all by myself. Wrong thoughts came to my mind again, but I was ready to put them behind me for a little so I went to the living room.

The rest of the day went by with a lot of my complaints towards Chocho and Mitsuki behavior. A part of me was happy that they were outside her room because if they were inside and if I was hearing wherever they were doing there, it could’ve been worse. I wondered how much this kind of problem I would have to deal with now that the boys were moving to our building. Gladly, they stopped when Sumire got home because there was a possibility that if they kept acting like teenagers in our living room she could die with a stroke, so Mitsuki finally went to his own home. Seriously I had no idea how Sumire managed to have a boyfriend and stay alive at the same time. We ordered pizza only by Chocho’s pressure and watched a girly movie, again, because of Chocho’s pressure. We were used to it though, so no stress. And the movie was good after all, disregarding how much Chocho was dissatisfied to have no company to the party she had mentioned earlier that day.

We all said good night and went to our beds and I took my phone as soon as I got inside.

2 new messages.

In the deep of my heart, I had an idea of who could be and I wasn’t ready to read, yet I pressed the notification.

22:34PM Idiot

Saradaaaaaaaaa. The date was

awesome and probably we will have a

second I’m so happy

22:34PM Idiot

Yuki is great, thanks for your advice

Now Me

You’re welcome. If it’s not a bother to

ask, how do you feel about her?

Before he could answer, I felt water in my cheeks again. I wanted to know his feelings but at the same time, I didn’t. It took a while before my cellphone vibrate again.

Now Idiot

I don’t know, but I’m excited to find out

It’s late so, good nite, ttyl

Now me

Good night.

I was already sick of feelings. Why did I keep acting like it's worthy? I had to find someone else. I stood up and headed to Chocho’s room. I knocked the door twice.

“Come in.” I heard her, so I opened the door carefully. The lights were still on and she had her attention on the computer, already wearing her pajamas.

“Are you still up to that party?” She just gave me a big grin and I knew the answer.

“Let’s party girl!” She stood up with a dance that made me laugh.

“I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell because of our friendship.” And with that, I went to my room to get ready too.

…

I woke up with a fucking headache. My body was completely sweaty from the sunlight hitting my body. Wait, sunlight? My room’s window was on the opposite side from the sun. I opened one eye slowly, afraid of what I might see. I was in a white room and white curtains dancing from the breeze entering from an open window, the same one that was letting the sunlight warm my body. I opened my other eye and looked down to myself. Okay, I was naked. Filled with worry, I turned to see the other side of the bed. Blond hair filled the pillow and the muscle body told me that it belonged to a guy. Well, that wasn’t my house, I have never seen that room before and definitely, I didn’t know this naked guy by my side. Where the fuck was I?

#borusara #borutoxsarada #borusarafics #mitsucho #boruto #fanfic

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neonb-fly · 7 years ago

Text

Masked Chapter One

Heyyy! It’s my first ever multichapter fic! I’m a little anxious to post this, but I hope you all enjoy it. No trigger warnings so far.

See also on AO3!

Word Count: 1531

Summary:

One boring day in the Commons of the Mind Palace, Roman announces to the other sides that they're all going on an adventure he created for them. It's all fun and games when they get there, until they realize there are true dangers that lurk beneath the mask of imagination.

Chapters- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Virgil sat in the commons, listening to his music on shuffle. The ear buds hung low in a tangled mess beneath his head. He could just barely hear Patton rustling about in the kitchen, humming softly to the tune of “When You’re the Best of Friends,” from the Fox and the Hound. Virgil sneakily turned down his music just to hear Patton singing. Logan reclined in a chair across the room from Virgil, his face buried in his book. He was reading A Brief History of Time. Virgil could hear the pages turn periodically, and saw Logan nod occasionally in the corner of his eye. He remembered the time Logan had lent him a book about space and time. Virgil had read it out of curiosity, but didn’t understand most of it. The parts he did understand, however, were quite scary.

It was nice sitting peacefully without much disruption. Virgil relaxed a little, letting his tense shoulders loosen. He rested his head on the soft pillow, and closed his eyes. Maybe he could nod off for a little bit.

“GUYS! Guys, guys, guys! Guess what I-“Virgil bolted upright at the sudden distraction. He looked at the stairs where he saw Roman running down them excitedly. He suddenly cut himself off as he tripped and fell down the last few steps right onto his stomach, landing with a loud “oof!”

“Roman!” Patton exclaimed worriedly, running in from the kitchen. “Are you alright?!” Patton crouched down over Roman, who immediately jumped back up as if nothing had happened.

“Positively perfect, Padre!” Roman dusted himself off a bit, still smiling, as Patton backed away.

Logan stuck a bookmark in his book, a little bit irritated. As he crossed over, the anger on his face subsided. Virgil hadn’t moved an inch from his couch, still staring at them warily. “Nice alliteration there, Roman,” Logan commented, failing to hide his smile.

Roman beamed at him before continuing what he had started before falling. “I just had the best idea for a quest!” Roman announced, and posed rather dramatically. Virgil rolled his eyes and turned over again, crossing his arms. He still didn't turn his music back on. He'd never admit to anyone that he was slightly interested.

“Great! What was it?” Patton encouraged. Even Logan seemed slightly interested. After all, if Roman was this excited, maybe the idea was worth a chance to listen to.

“I can’t really tell you! Because…” Roman paused for dramatic effect. “You’re coming with!” Roman looked on proudly. Patton seemed excited, and Logan looked thoughtful.

“Perhaps some exercise and excitement would be adequate. After all, we’ve had nothing to do all weekend, for once,” Logan pointed out. Patton nodded, bouncing up and down excitedly. A quest with Roman would definitely be lots of fun.

“How about you, Virgil?” Roman asked cautiously, peaking beside Patton.

Virgil tensed up momentarily, and shrugged. He turned around to face them again. “I guess it's fine…” Virgil didn’t want to be left alone while all the other sides were out having fun in Roman’s domain. Even if the idea was stupid. On rare occasions, Roman would invite the other sides into the dreamscape. Usually, it involved fighting some weird creature. The adventures rarely involved any plot. And most of the time Virgil was the villain.

Roman immediately noticed Virgil’s uneasiness. “You’re not the bad guy this time, Dr. Gloom.” That’d make for a change. Maybe Virgil should go. Without realizing it, Virgil's gaze softened.

“Then who is?” Patton asked him curiously. Roman was clearly excited about this as he started jumping up and down.

“I don’t know!” Roman exclaimed happily, eyes shining.

“You don’t… know?” Logan questioned, exchanging a confused glance with Patton. “How can you not know if it’s your own creation?”

“I’m letting the room do its own thing. I wanted a mystical journey. We’ll all get magic powers, and we have to fight the bad guy. I suppose it’s gonna be some super beefy villain we’ll defeat in an epic battle,” Roman shrugged, punching the air for show.

“Wow, that sounds so safe,” Virgil commented dryly. He slowly got up from the couch and went over to join the other sides in their conversation. Patton moved over to let Virgil into the circle.

“Sure is!” Roman said, pushing aside the sarcasm. Patton gaze had lit up at the mention of magic powers. Logan actually seemed somehow intrigued about this. “It will be ready by later tonight!”

“That should serve well with our schedule,” Logan nodded, pleased with the idea.

“Of course it does, we have nothing going on,” Virgil retorted. Patton gave him a look, and Virgil shuffled his feet a little under Patton’s gaze.

“After supper, then-“Patton jumped up suddenly. “Supper! I forgot about it! The cookies will burn!” He ran back into the kitchen to tend to what’s in the oven. Cookies? Virgil thought. Maybe they’re just for dessert. They didn’t need to eat, considering they’re just constructs, but it was still enjoyable. Besides, Patton loved cooking, even though Thomas didn’t know how to.

Logan shook his head disapprovingly, and returned to his chair. Roman ran back upstairs, presumably to prepare the world. That left Virgil standing alone. Virgil put his ear buds in once more, and stuck his hands in his hoodie pockets. He didn’t have anything to do until it was time to eat, so he walked back to the couch and tried to fall asleep. A few minutes passed by…

“It’s time for dinner!,” Patton exclaimed from the kitchen, waking up Virgil. He groggily walked to the table, where Roman was already sitting, talking enthusiastically to Patton about his ideas. Patton listened intently as he set the table. Logan walked in after Virgil. Patton greeted him and asked about his book, where Logan spilled into an all too complicated explanation of the theory of relativity. Roman listened in with half an ear, as he stuffed his food into his mouth. Virgil poked at his food a little. He took a few bites and ate slowly. He paused for a while, listening to the sides banter with each other. It always took time for Virgil to completely wake up.

He barely even noticed that Patton had asked him a question. “Huh?” He asked quietly, glancing up at Patton.

Everyone was looking at him. It set Virgil on edge. He didn’t like being the center of attention. “How was your nap?” Patton repeated, understandingly. Patton took another bite of his supper.

“Oh, good,” he responded. Still recalculating, he thought to himself. The other sides started talking again. Virgil took another small bite. Roman announced that he finished, and stood up. Patton set aside the little bit of food he had left, and Logan stood up, finished the last part he had. Virgil looked down at his full plate in annoyance, but nevertheless followed everyone to Roman’s room. He would probably get something to eat in there. Not that he really cared, anyway.

They stood in front of his door before Roman stopped them. “Now, be prepared to enter the coolest place ever! Close your eyes.” Logan protested a little, before giving in. Patton put his hand over his eyes, while Virgil begrudgingly complied. Roman guided them into the room. “Alright, you can open your eyes now!” The three opened their eyes and gaped at the sight. They were in the middle of a vast field, bordered by a forest and mountains scraping across the sky.

The field was dotted with flowers of all kinds. The forest stretched on for who know how long. Virgil looked behind him. Roman shut the door and it vanished into nothing. Virgil saw what looked like a camp of sorts, with people running about. It was bordered by the dark forest. Virgil looked around once more. By the mountains, he swore he could just make out black clouds randomly swirling in the sky. A storm brewing, perhaps?

He instinctively stuck his hands into his hoodie pockets for comfort. The sun was slowly setting. The sky looked like it had been set on fire. The hues of orange and red covered the land, like flames licking at the sky. Virgil looked at the others. They were gaping at the view as well. Patton was completely star-struck, and Logan was rather impressed. Who wouldn’t be?

Roman awaited their responses eagerly. He was quite proud of himself. “Wow, Roman, this is…” Patton started, but couldn’t find the right word to describe the sight.

“Wow,” Logan finished for him. Roman looked at Virgil.

“Uh, yeah, it’s great, I guess,” Virgil managed to get out, and kicked the ground with one foot. Roman knew the hidden undertone that Virgil actually was impressed, just decided not to show it. Virgil had to reluctantly give Roman credit for making such a beautiful scene. He tried to ignore an odd feeling surfacing inside of him. Whatever it was would be dealt with another day.

“Well? Shall we get started?” Roman asked, smiling. Patton nodded ecstatically. Logan smiled and nodded. Virgil shrugged. They were here, after all. He might as well get it over with. Maybe it actually would be fun.

#masked #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #sanders side fic #my fanfics #fanfiction

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wonderwonderhowido · 7 years ago

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Year-end meme time! I have been answering these questions once a year without fail since 2006. Maybe one of these years I’ll stop, but not for 2017.

Was 2017 a good year for you?

Yes! In February I decided I wanted to quit my job and go to Brazil for 3 months. I quit my job and moved away from NC in July, left for Brazil in August. I had a short-lived but intense romantic relationship from April-July. We drove across the country together. Brazil was really challenging but overall amazing. With the exception of a couple periods when life was too hectic, I kept up with my yoga habit. I think I made it a full 8 months without skipping a whole week actually? Maybe it was 6 months, I forget now, I just know that it was an important milestone for me at the time because I have never managed to keep up an exercise routine that long before. I spent more time at the ocean and by the pool than I have in most other years of my life. I lost some weight. I stayed relatively on top of my shit (bullet journaling really helped, when I was doing that), and stayed sane. I read a fuck ton of Harry/Draco and BTS fic. I took a lot of chances with people I had only just barely met. It has honestly been a pretty stellar year for me personally, the mounting sense of despair over the external world aside.

What was your favorite moment of the year?

Being in the ocean with kids climbing on top of me, demanding to be tossed into the waves.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?

Nothing actually stands out. I had some pretty low moments of crying over certain things in my life, but nothing I can talk about on the online, and besides since none of them were reacting to specific things they all sort of blend together in my memory anyway. I did cry whole buckets while leaving my goodbye party in NC and continued to cry when I got to my ex-BF’s house and then cried myself to sleep, but it feels sort of not right to call that a least favorite moment, just cathartic.

Where were you when 2017 began?

At the same new years’ party I was at when 2014, 2015, and 2016 began. That night was kind of a mixed bag for me, although I did get a new years’ kiss, which I will probably not be getting this year.

Where will you be when 2017 ends?

One of my oldest friends in SLC is hosting a “polar plunge” at her house, so I’m going to do that. I probably will not be taking any kind of plunge myself but I can provide emotional support to those who shall.

Who will you be with when 2017 ends?

My friend Jennica and her husband. I have no idea who else, I don’t think I know most of their friends these days.

Did you keep your new years resolution of 2017?

Looking at the half-assed resoluations I made…. Lmao, no I didn’t, but then my goals for the year changed rather drastically in February when I decided to upend everything, and I feel pretty good about how I followed through with all that stuff.

Do you have a new years resolution for 2018?

Have another list of resolution-ish intentions I have, I still would not call this list whole-assed but hey:

-complete a 30 day yoga challenge (I am on day 7 already, actually, so if I keep up with it I'll knock this one out before the end of January)

-don't let more than 4 days go by without going to yoga (other than when I'm traveling)

-don't let more than 2 days go by without writing (other than when I'm traveling)

-write original fiction at least three times a week, even if it's just like, scribbling down 100 words of a writing exercise (again, other than when traveling)

-read at least 25 books

-read at least 20 short stories

What was your relationship status? Did you break up with anyone?

I was in a relationship from roughly April-July, we broke it off before I left for Brazil. I dated other people in there, although no one for as long as I dated him.

How many one-night stands?

I think four? Idk depends on what you consider a one-night stand. And I made out with lots of different people, which was fun.

Did you make any new friends in 2017?

I made a lot of new friends in Brazil! I’ve made some new friends and reconnected with old friends through kpop. I seem to have made some new friends in SLC, which has been really nice.

What was your favorite month of 2017?

Probably September. April really ranks up there, too.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30!!! I think on the day of I went to work, got taken out to lunch by my boyfriend, swam in my apartment’s pool, and started watching Boku No Hero Academia, also with the boyfriend. I had a small party for myself over the weekend, if memory serves. It was really nice, low key and happy, I really enjoyed turning 30 and have been very much enjoying my thirties since. I remember thinking that I was going to feel angsty and panicked about turning this number but that never really hit. It was mostly just good.

How many different places did you travel to in 2017?

Ashland, OR; Wilmington, NC; Charlotte, NC; from Carrboro, NC to SLC, with stops along the way in Birmingham, New Orleans, a town in Texas that I have forgotten the name of; in Brazil: Fortaleza, Taiba, Manaus, Tefe, Mamiraua Reserve, Monte Alegre do Sul, and Sao Paulo.

Did anybody close to you die in 2017?

No.

Did anybody close to you give birth?

Yes, K and E.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?

I missed my NC friends a lot after I moved away. I missed Brazil and my people there.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Other than public figures, no, not really.

What were your favorite movies that you saw in 2017?

Loving Vincent, Thor: Ragnarok and The Last Jedi.

What was your favorite song from 2017?

I have not done a great job of keeping track of which songs I’ve listened to the most this year, but: Silver Spoon/Baepsae by BTS; Nights by Frank Ocean; Soldados by Legiao Urbana; Don’t Take The Money by Bleachers; The Louvre by Lorde; Ultralight Beam by Kanye West; Young by The Chainsmokers.

Did you have a favorite concert in 2017?

Bleachers and MUNA in Charlotte! Also Chance The Rapper.

Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2017?

I feel like yes but I think I did less getting super drunk than in previous years.

Did you do a lot of drugs in 2017?

Not ‘a lot’ but I was not expecting this to be the year that recreational drugs came back into my life. So ‘a lot’ by my usual standards, I guess.

What kept you sane?

Yoga, walking, and journaling. This is a very boring and literal answer, sorry, but it’s true. I’m sorry to be one of Those People but exercise and mindfulness are the reasons I’m able to be off anti-depressants.

What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before?

Traveled to a foreign country by myself. Tried cocaine. Wrote fanfiction commissions. Taught english classes. Learned how to samba. Used a bullet journal. Did goat yoga. Interviewed a creator I admired. Went to a club by myself.

What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

-August 21, the day of the eclipse and the day I flew to Brazil.

-July 28-29, my last days in NC, the night one of my cats spent in the bathtub of a friend’s apartment, and the days I spent frantically moving out of my apartment.

-The Women’s March. Both because it was one of the very few times this year I felt politically empowered, and because that night I had a really fantastic tinder date with a woman who had also been at the march. This was only a couple days after I’d been dumped by the girl I was seeing, so I felt very spitefully pleased about the timing of it all.

-April 22. At my old job, we opened up a new public preserve, an event everyone in the org had been working to make happen for years. The event itself went extremely well and was super gratifying, and then that night was one of the early and really great dates with the guy I was dating.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Quitting my job in a way I feel good about. Making Brazil happen. Moving out of my apartment. Sticking with yoga. Finishing my otayuri Spy AU. Writing all the fic that people commissioned me for, even though it took me forever and a day. Paying off my credit card post-brazil.

What was your biggest failure?

I am disappointed in myself for not trying harder to write and publish more nonfiction, even though I felt all this momentum in that direction after the McElroy piece I wrote in May. I am also disappointed in myself for losing steam on the novel I started in 2016. There are some conversations I wish I had had with important people in my life, that I always chickend out on having. There are some feelings I wish I had been able to leave behind, but couldn’t.

What was the best thing you bought?

Other than plane tickets, probably my chromebook. It does not feel real at all that I bought that in 2017, though. This year has been five years in one.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier

b) thinner or fatter? thinner

c) richer or poorer? poorer

How did you spend Christmas?

With my family in SLC, like I almost always do. We opened presents, my dad and I went to yoga, I read a lot of kpop fic, in the evening we went to a dinner party at my parents’ friends house and I ate a lot of really good food.

What was the best book you read?

If I manage to finish The Female Man today, I will have read 23 books this year, not counting the 6 Animorphs books I reread and the gazillions of BNHA manga chapters. That’s actually more than I thought I had read, and maybe I should make my books goal for 2018 a larger number, hm.

But anyway I think the best book of those was probably The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler or Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood. I also loved Swing Time by Zadie Smith but I read that at the beginning of the year so it sort of feels like a lifetime ago.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Well for half of it I’ve been either living out of a backpack or in my pajamas almost 24/7. Also I got rid of most of my wardrobe. So I guess minimal?

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

A new Carly Rae Jepsen album!!! And greater financial security, a home in a city I’m happy about living in.

What do you wish you’d done more of?

Writing original fiction and freelance writing. Exercising more discipline in my writing life, in general. Mindfulness exercises when I was upset. Taking photos of people I wanted to remember.

What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sweet jesus do I wish I had spent less time mindlessly refreshing apps on my phone, particularly twitter. Also pointless angsting about personal relationships. Gone on less Tinder dates that I knew weren’t going anywhere.

What are your plans for 2018?

Going to Japan in May with @corvidyouths and @globsavethequeen!!! And getting a job in New York or LA or DC or, who knows, somewhere else that I haven’t though of yet.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Well, I don’t know how much of my year this actually sums up, but these lines have been rattling around my head more than anything else. From Nights by Frank Ocean:

I ain't trying to keep you Can't keep up a conversation Can't nobody reach you Why your eyes well up Did you call me from a seance You are from a past life

#annual navel gazing #personal

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the-years-between-us · 7 years ago

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Lamplighter

Summary: Stella gets a call from Reed directly following the final episode of The Fall S3. (Stella Gibson/Reed Smith)

Chapter Index 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Warning: This story contains references and descriptions of self-harm. NC-17.

AN: Thanks as always to @therobbinsnest, @mobygirl21, and @misshadley!

Chapter 4

The muscles in Reed’s legs are tired, overexerted and tinged with sweet soreness, the kind that begs to be stretched. She arches her back, lengthening her body, feeling the pleasant tension dissipate into the sun warmed room.

It’s 10:30am and they've accidentally slept in, lethargic after staying up so late. Upon seeing the time, Reed’s first instinct had been to worry, she’s used to having responsibilities after all. The padding of little feet or the impending wail of an argument usually lurking imminently behind the shelter of her closed eyelids. But not this morning. This morning she can linger in the fluffy comfort of her bed without the niggling fear that someone small needs her attention. In some ways it feels like she’s missing a limb. Another stretch proves she’s not, all limbs accounted for, and then she fights the guilty feeling that tells her to feel selfish for having this. It’s a habit she’s trying to break. Beating herself up for needing certain things - anything - for herself. The cycle of self-incrimination, bearing burdens and wearing guilt, it’s all part of this self-inflicted wound she’s been trying to clean. She’d convinced herself that it was ‘nothing’ for too long, put a bandaid on it, expected it to heal on its own. And she’s a doctor. She should have known better.

So she resolves to let go of that guilt for now, she tells herself there’s no other choice. It's part of the treatment she’s prescribed herself. Sometimes it feels counterintuitive but she knows that it’s the right thing. The medicine is harsh but the alternative infection had grown unbearable. And she tells herself this for the hundredth time this week alone, her own silent mantra.

Then she chances a glance toward the space next to her, the one Stella occupies dozing in and out of sleep. All at once, a second wave of worry breaks over her barely conscious mind. Because it’s late and Stella probably has things she needs to do. What if she’s been waiting for Reed to wake up? Too polite to leave inconspicuously? Trying futilely to wait for her get up like an active adult should, even on the weekends. It’s not like they know each other’s schedules or routines but 10:30am seems alarmingly late.

Before her anxiety snowballs into an avalanche, Reed halts her thoughts and takes a deep breath. Examine the situation.

Everything appears fine. In fact, almost better than fine.

Stella’s awake but not by much. There's no rush in the drowsy blink of her eyes and it’s a relief but also remarkably strange. For some reason, Reed imagines that lazy Saturday mornings are totally out of the realm of possibility for Stella. But the evidence in front of her speaks for itself. Stella makes no pressing effort to remove herself from their sleep-disheveled nest, no energetic toss of the sheets or swift gathering of clothing. There’s even a sleepy smile as she sees Reed notice her. Reed reflects the gesture back because it’s almost impossible not to, and then lets her eyes drift closed. There’s probably some fear lingering in the shadows of her lashes, fear that doesn’t need to be there, fear that Stella doesn’t need to see.

Looking up at the ceiling, Reed sees alternative scenarios play out before her. More likely scenarios. How this morning might have been riddled with excuses, all of them wrapped up in vague assurances, shifting eyes, and tight non-smiles. Cracks lining the thick frozen surface of Stella’s glacier stare, trying and failing to mask the acutely obvious logic swimming there.

Don’t let it mean so much. It was always going to be like this.

Stella would never say it but it would be there all the same. And she would keep things unemotional and clean. A fact of life like any other, something to accept and put behind you. Promises to see each other soon, Keep me posted on how the job goes, when they both know it’s the last time they’ll speak, at least for a while. Reed sees it so plainly as if it’s already happened. It’s almost painful how undeniable the likelihood of a rejection from Stella Gibson seems to her now. How clearly it manifests itself on the blurry ceiling.

“What're you thinking about?” comes Stella’s hearthside voice, rough and balmy from the morning hour. Reed vanquishes the assaulting vision, lets it waft away like smoke, curling upward into nothingness. That’s all it is. Nothingness.

Letting her head tilt towards Stella, Reed’s met with the same icy blue eyes, less cold than her imagination paints them. They're inquisitive and more awake than a few moments ago, beaming into her, asking questions. Stella lays on her side, rumpled sheet tucked under her arm, hair a bit of mess splayed over the pillow. Somehow she still manages to look glorious. Reed wonders if she’s simply made different, stitched together with some celestial thread, elegance sewn into her bones. Stella for star.

“Nothing,” Reed answers untruthfully and it sounds small even to her own ears.

There are some things that you just don't say to people. And Reed’s learning that there are even more things that you just don’t say to Stella. Being honest right now would require violating one or both of those things. I’m just wondering why you’re still here is decidedly not the thing to say. So nothing is.

But Stella is perceptive, it's one of the things that makes her good at her job, so of course she sees the lie. The smoky film hanging in the air, residue left behind by unwelcome thoughts, she sees it all. And Reed tries to give her a smile but it doesn't work. It so sadly doesn't work and the probing nature of Stella's gaze freezes over a bit more, solidifying.

Reed doesn’t want to lie but the truth seems useless and needy, thoughts she’d like to un-think. And she needs to distract herself or she’ll shatter under the intensity of Stella’s steely stare. This is so foolish of her because she’s woken up to a beautiful woman who’s still very firmly in her bed. The same woman who gave her three distinctly memorable orgasms last night and it’s ridiculous because Reed didn’t even know she could come three times in one night. Now she’s forcing a scenario upon herself that hasn’t happened, making it a mountain in her mind instead of enjoying the peace of simply being here. What a shame, ‘here’ is pretty fucking great and she’s wasting it.

A heavy sigh, closing eyelids. Let it go.

“I was thinking…” she starts before opening her eyes anew, “How nice it is to sleep in. Nowhere to be and no lovely children demanding breakfast.”

“Mm,” Stella hums in response, eyes softening a little in attempt to accept Reed’s deflection into lighter territory. Her hand finds Reed’s lying between them and Stella runs the soft pads over her fingers over Reed’s, studying their structure, thin but strong, skilled and slender. “Breakfast doesn't sound so bad.”

Stella’s delicate fingertips continue playing, lacing up and down, and it feels incredibly cathartic. Here and there, her trim nails brush lightly over Reed’s hands, sending chill bumps up her spine, across her shoulders and down her arms. Just like that, Reed senses her worries receding, slipping away into the murky depths from which they came. Every tender stroke, the sensory pleasure of skin on skin, relaxing.

Is it intentional? That perceptive nature of Stella’s, purposefully calming her contemptuous mind? Laying her fears to rest, telling her she has nothing to worry about. Because Stella’s touching her soothingly, and apparently she wants breakfast, she wants to stay. Maybe Reed just hasn’t woken up yet, caught in that in-between, not ready to encounter reality.

“It doesn't sound bad at all.”

Stella hums again looking at Reed with bright eyes, a gossamer smile whispered across her lips. Reed can see her intentions woven in the seductive fabric of her irises. And then her fingers abandon Reed’s as she slips her arm over the dip of Reed’s waist.

“In fact,” comes her low voice. “I’m rather hungry.”

Leaning in, Stella kisses Reed’s throat sending her fraught mind tumbling down an entirely different path. Shifting her weight, Stella positions herself over Reed for better access and the sheet slides unceremoniously down Stella’s back. A few strands of blonde hair tickle against Reed’s neck before Stella tucks them safely behind her ear, eyes catching Reed’s as she does so. And in the brief spell of connection there, Reed can see Stella evaluating her, gauging her mindset and whether or not this is working, if distraction was the appropriate tactic here. Reed’s not entirely sure if it’s the right thing to do but it feels good. When Stella’s mouth is on her she feels so good. Everything else filters into white noise.

Apparently satisfied, Stella dips down to kiss her clavicle, soft and then not so soft. Reed lets her fingers glide through Stella’s hair with that same feathery touch she’d just enjoyed so much. And it must be welcome because Stella makes a small noise - not quite a moan, not quite a hum - something like an unconscious sigh in the back of her throat that translates into a gentle nip of her teeth. Immediately, Reed feels herself flush as her heart begins to race and Stella tempers the bite with her tongue.

Moving a bit lower, Stella traces wet kisses down the valley of Reed’s breasts. And then she stops at the cue of an interrupting growl, the rumbling of a stomach gone too long without food. And Stella lifts her head to look at Reed, a genuinely amused expression lining her lips.

“Was that you or me?”

“I don’t know,” Reed laughs a little and Stella’s head collapses downward in mild defeat. God forbid uninteresting requisites like ‘three meals a day’ get in the way of the finer things in life. “Maybe we should get some proper food in us before this goes any further.”

“Might be wise,” Stella says, placing a single lingering kiss to Reed’s breast bone before pulling herself up into a sitting position. She glances around as Reed extracts herself from the bedding. “Seems like most of my clothes never made it upstairs.” Reed tries not to grin at the memory.

“I’ll find you something,” she says walking toward the dresser. “Options are limited though. I got rid of a bunch of things during the move.”

“Anything’s fine,” Stella says getting up and heading towards the bathroom. “Just leave something out and I’ll be right down.” With that she disappears behind the door as Reed sifts through her pajama drawer. Not much to choose from. None of it looks remotely like something Stella might wear. So she throws on a tank top and pair of loose cotton shorts, and leaves out a few things for Stella on the bed before heading downstairs.

On her journey, she's met with several pieces of stray clothing. Even though there's no one home to care, no one here to witness the aftermath of the scene they've made, Reed can't help the furious blush that spreads like wildfire over her cheeks. An instinctive hand drifts to her face, a vain attempt to cover it. Jesus Christ, it looks like a hurricane ripped through the hallway.

Perhaps one had.

She puts a few things right, hangs her coat, stores her purse away. Then her stomach makes itself known again and damn, she’s starving, probably should've eaten more last night. The clothes will have to wait.

Reed busies herself in the kitchen, putting on coffee and scouring the fridge for adult appropriate sustenance, anything beyond cartoonish cereal or yogurt tubes. Luckily, Reed eats like she's taken a nutrition class or two, so they've at least got some eggs and fruit in the house, some multigrain toast that'll have to do. As she pulls everything out to prep, setting it on the counter, she hears the telltale padding of footsteps.

“Looks like we properly enjoyed ourselves last night,” Stella says rounding the corner, probably taking in the wreck of strewn clothing all over the floor.

And the coffee’s just finished up so Reed removes the pot and grabs a mug. She’s about to say something about the mess they’ve made when she looks up and stops abruptly, thankfully not spilling mid-pour like an idiot. Because she's almost 100 percent sure that she looks like an idiot right now, gaping at Stella, coffee pot in hand, unable to produce a coherent thought.

“What?” Stella says noticing her stare, a hint of concern edging her voice.

Reed realizes what she's doing and snaps back to pouring coffee, a self conscious smile masking her embarrassment. “Nice outfit.”

“You left it out,” Stella responds.

Truthfully, it's nothing more than an oversized t-shirt that Reed's never looked at twice. It's actually her husband’s from college and she'd only kept it because it's absurdly comfortable. Comfortable and soft perhaps, but not sexy - she would never use the word sexy to describe it. And yet Stella still manages to wear the shit out of the old tattered thing. It hangs from her lean frame, practically drowning her, and somehow it looks like the best thing Reed owns.

What the ever living fuck.

“I know - uh…” Reed says handing Stella the steaming mug that's taken far too long to make its way into her hands. “It just doesn't look like that on me. Or anyone, frankly.”

Stella accepts it with a knowing smile and a gentle, “Hush.” Then she props herself against the counter next to Reed, mug cradled to her chest, long t-shirt barely covering the tops of her thighs, and peering at the assortment of food.

“Scrambled okay?”

“It’s fine. Can I do anything?”

“Um, there’s bread for toast if you want it,” Reed suggests nodding toward the loaf sitting next to the fruit.

The next ten minutes pass in some domestic alternate reality, Stella sipping coffee in that fucking t-shirt while Reed hovers over the stove and plates their meal. It strikes Reed as strange, moving through this ritual with someone not her husband. Butterflies and blatant ogling had long since left their morning routine and she finds it so odd to have that back with anyone, let alone Stella. And it’s not that Stella’s drastically different in this environment, milling about her kitchen in morning-after wear. If anything she’s exactly the same, ethereal yet incredibly human, and Reed envies the cool ease in which she seems to navigate her surroundings.

For no particular reason, they eat standing at the counter. Caught up in conversation, it just happens, an organic decision that lends itself to that ‘thing’ between them. She’s had it with few people in her lifetime so it’s hard to identify. Something like a natural intimacy. It was there from that first crime scene and has followed them to autopsy bays, trashy bars and now kitchen counters. Always present even during these mundane but necessary hiccups like breakfast. Nothing has changed. And yet for Reed everything has changed.

When she’s with Stella, they seem to vibrate in the same corners of the world and everything feels the same.

They finish eating and there’s a bit of cleanup but it’s not too bad. Reed rinses the dishes and then leaves the rest of it in the sink, reasoning that she’ll get to it later. No use wasting time on it now. Not when Stella’s back to leaning against the counter and looking at her like she's got a secret, and that secret is all the ways to make Reed weak.

And it's not fair because Reed’s confused, she doesn't know how the rest of this is supposed to play out. She still can't pinpoint why Stella’s not racing out the door. Even cordially, even with every intention of seeing her again. And Reed can't help it but something inside of her, call it intuition, is telling her that something is amiss.

Not only that, but Stella had spoken of some shopping she'd been putting off and fully implied that they could make a day of it together. A day wandering about London with Stella Gibson. Shopping. It sounds like the sort of thing she might see in a foreign film and never experience in real life. And sure, it's not that big of a deal. But their rapport had been built on fighting monsters in the dark, not sleeping in and breakfast and shopping. This side of Stella feels almost more intimate than sleeping with her, a glimpse behind the veil. And maybe Stella’s simply not as distant in relationships as Reed might have anticipated. Not that they're in a relationship, no she can't think like that, not when she has no idea what this is. Fuck.

Perhaps Reed’s just too self deprecating, too eager to believe that her presence alone couldn’t hold Stella’s interest.

Either way, she can’t shake the looming feeling that something’s not right.

But then Stella’s lightly tugging at the loose fabric of Reed’s shorts, vying for her attention with a rather alluring glint of blue. So Reed drifts in front of Stella, yielding to the unspoken request, hands floating to the sides of Stella’s t-shirt. She tries not to smirk as Stella continues toying with the hem of her shorts. And Reed admires the curve of Stella’s silhouette beneath the thin cotton, brushing her thumbs in long strokes over Stella’s ribs until there’s a slight wince.

“Sorry,” Reed says, a little startled because somehow she’d forgotten about the harsh blues and purples that marred her porcelain skin. It was dark last night but Reed remembers seeing it, remembers trying to assess the healing without being noticed, remembers trying to convince herself that there’d be a time to talk about it. Spector. Everything he’d done.

Before they’d first met for dinner, Reed had spoken with Rose and heard about the awful way Spector’s case unfolded. Amidst the chaos of moving to London, she’d felt incredibly guilty for her absence. But it was nothing compared to the guilt she felt upon seeing Stella’s injuries, nothing compared to reading about it the next day after a quick google search. Accused Strangler Attacks Two Officers. There hadn’t been many conclusive details, just that Stella and Tom Anderson had sustained non-life-threatening injuries during the attack and were being treated at Royal Victoria Hospital.

With so little to go on, the possibilities running through Reed’s mind remain endless. How far down the drain had things gone after she left? What if something truly horrible had happened? But Reed tries to remind herself that she’s seen Stella’s body. Bruising aside, she seems fine. Physically fine, anyway. No reason to continue jumping to conclusions, no reason to push.

Maybe it’s selfish but Reed still wants to ask her about it. Wants the reassurance that nothing had been broken beyond repair.

“It’s fine,” Stella says. “Think we just got a little carried away last night.”

“Shit,” Reed whispers. Her eyes clamp shut, immediately remembering how rough she’d been with Stella when they’d come back. Could she have really been so stupid? Completely lost her mind at the idea of getting Stella undressed? “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it.”

“Don’t be.” Reed opens her eyes glancing up at Stella, unsure whether or not to believe her. “I liked it.”

And then Stella’s giving her that look, the one that makes her pulse race and sends heat tearing through her core. It’s pathetic how quickly she melts under this particular look, how quickly she loses herself to its pull. Maybe that’s why she’d acted so careless last night. And it’s no excuse but Reed’s willing to cut herself a break because Stella’s moving towards her, which means most of her thoughts will be useless in a matter of seconds anyway.

For the second time this morning, Reed allows Stella to distract her from restless thoughts with a coaxing brush of her lips. In Stella’s defense, Reed is easily swayed, too easily swayed and more than willing to be lost to the nuances of this particular distraction. Her hair for instance, and the way the unruly blonde strands tousle away from more orderly curls. It’s so different than the short tufts of brown hair that she’s grown accustomed to. And her smell, Reed’s not sure that Stella even wears perfume but something about the smell of her is so distinctly feminine in a way that’s different from her own. Fascinating. Enticing. Then there’s the strength in Stella, the force of her touch that’s not always rough but definitely confident and definitely there in the press of her body, the swipe of her tongue. Even now as Stella pulls her closer, hands on Reed’s hips and sneaking up the hem of her tank top.

Afraid to hurt her, Reed doesn’t exactly return the force of Stella’s touch. She keeps her hands at Stella’s face and her neck, gentle caresses. It’s definitely a contrast to heat of Stella’s mouth working against her own and the pressure of Stella’s hips pressed invitingly against her. And Reed can feel Stella pushing her, asking for more. So Reed skims her hands down to Stella’s breasts, palming them lightly and Reed can feel her sigh into their kiss, relief and frustration. Stella rolls herself against Reed with intent, pushing herself into Reed’s hands before dragging her teeth adamantly against Reed’s lip.

Then Stella’s breaking their kiss, pressing her hand to Reed’s against her chest and saying, “You’re not going to break me, you know.”

“I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she assures, still breathing heavily. After that wince earlier, Reed’s not quite buying it. “I’ll tell you.”

“You didn’t last night.”

“Sometimes a little pain isn’t the worst thing.”

As much as Reed hates to admit it, Stella has a point and hearing her say it is a turn on. But the fact of the matter is that Stella’s still injured and needs to heal. The doctor in her knows how painful bruised ribs can be and the more Reed thinks about it, the more angry she gets with Spector, the more angry she gets with herself. It’s a slippery slope into the dredges of overwhelming concern and distress over the fact that she still doesn’t know the whole story.

But Stella’s looking at her like she’s a lifeline, a mixture of arousal and something a little desperate that Reed immediately hates. For a brief moment she thinks she might understand what’s off, what’s bothering Stella. Spector. Maybe she’s projecting and maybe Stella’s fine but for a split second, Reed swears that she just knows. But then it’s gone and Stella’s tugging at her seductively, reeling her back in and Reed wonders if she’s imagined the entire thing. And if she could bring Spector back and administer bodily harm, she would, that’s how much she hates whatever the fuck was in Stella’s eyes. Because Stella’s the embodiment of confidence and Reed loves that about her, aspires to find it in herself. Nothing, especially not that asshole, should be able to interfere with that.

“Sit,” Reed says simply, falling back into the moment as she steps back a bit. And Stella’s brow furrows momentarily so Reed nods to the counter behind Stella and repeats, “Sit.”

Eyeing her with a combination of curiosity and anticipation, Stella reaches behind her and sits easily on the smooth surface. It makes her taller than Reed but not by much and Reed thinks that might actually make this perfect. And then Reed wishes she could stop time. Just for a few seconds so that she might find a way to capture this moment, preserve it and keep it somewhere secret, tucked away and safe. Because the image Stella presents so demurely on the counter, bed hair and bare faced, it’s somewhere along the lines of fantasy and reality, converged and distilled into absolute arrest. A beautiful snapshot of life that Reed would like to always remember. And so fucking sexy. This t-shirt is really doing it for her.

Memory secured, Reed steps forward into the crux of Stella’s legs and greets her with a searing kiss and a firm grip to her thighs. If Stella wants a little abandon, Reed will attempt to give it to her without threatening her wounds. And Stella shows her appreciation, pulling at Reed’s jaw and assaulting her mouth as Reed runs her hands farther up Stella’s legs. Then Reed’s fingertips make it all the way to Stella’s ass without encountering anything, nothing, no underwear. Good. Convenient.

Smiling into their kiss, Reed pulls back to arrange Stella’s hips closer to the edge of the counter, tugging the hem her new favorite garment out of the way. Stella spreads her legs wider and breathes into Reed’s hairline, hands roaming over her shoulders, palming her through the flimsy material of her tank top.

And then Reed’s mouth is at Stella’s pulse, teeth scraping against the sensitive skin there as her fingers find the slick warmth of Stella’s folds. There’s really no point in teasing her, not when all Reed wants to do is absolve her of these recent weeks. Reed takes a breath, a moment to draw on her own sense of determination. She’s getting less nervous and more confident, she knows that she can give Stella what she wants but it still takes a minor personal pep talk.

A few swipes over her wet clit leaves Stella a flurried mess, panting in Reed’s ear and yeah, she’s feeling pretty confident. Stella’s fingers splay and pull Reed closer, warm breaths of gratitude pressed along her hairline. It makes Reed think that this might not last long because Stella’s humming, eager and ready for anything she’s willing to offer. So Reed easily pushes two fingers inside of her and it’s like velvet heat. Having touched herself, she knows she should expect it but Stella is just so incredibly soft, so soft and warm that Reed can hardly comprehend it. This angle makes it surprisingly easy to adjust her speed and pressure and Reed uses the leverage of her body to anchor her hand. God, it's incredibly erotic fucking her like this. She could get used to the idea of finding all the ways to make Stella unravel.

Then she feels Stella freeze before she hears it.

The distinct call of “mum!” Creaking door. Soft thud. Shuffling feet.

Heart pounding, instinct kicks in and she pulls her fingers from the slickness of Stella’s heat, stepping back just in time for Stella to lock her legs shut as Charlotte rounds the corner, followed by Jane.

“There you are!” Charlotte says beaming and then very quickly shifting focus to Stella. “Who’re you?”

Reed feels most of her organs plummet through the floor as she glances toward Stella. Much to Stella’s credit, she tries to smile and looks relatively unshaken if not suitably fucked, lips swollen and knees shut together.

“What on earth are you two doing here?” Reed asks with a vain attempt to keep her voice light and neutral. And her fingers are sticky with Stella’s arousal so she wipes them quickly on the cotton shorts, tugging them down and trying not appear alarmed. Reaching for her youngest, she tells herself to act natural as Stella slides off the counter to stand beside her.

“Dad needed to drop us off early,” Jane says, eyeing Stella warily as Charlotte latches onto Reed’s leg in a hug.

“Very early, huh?”

Heavier footsteps follow.

“I tried calling-” Daniel says rounding the corner before halting abruptly. His eyes zero in on Stella, on her state of undress. He looks back to Reed then back to Stella. A table tennis match of emotions plays out across his face as he takes in his surroundings. It might be comical, the stunned look, the entire situation at large, if she wasn’t so absolutely fucking mortified. What kind of sick reality-

“Are you mad?” Charlotte asks worriedly, looking up at the grimace on her face.

“No, baby, I’m not mad,” Reed says giving her a reassuring squeeze.

God, this is a nightmare. She needs the girls out of here, she needs Stella out of here, she needs to know why the hell Dan’s dropping them off a day early. He's barely had them for 12 fucking hours. And she redacts her first answer because yes, she's very mad. But she needs everyone upstairs and out of earshot before she can decide exactly how mad.

“Listen,” Reed says, bending down to Charlotte’s level. “This is my friend, Stella,” she explains in her best ‘mom promises there's nothing wrong’ voice. And christ, Stella’s never going to speak to her again. “Why don’t you take you her upstairs and show her your new doll?”

“What were you guys doing?” Jane asks looking around and shit, suddenly it feels like there's underwear scattered literally fucking everywhere.

“Jane, take Charlotte and Stella and go upstairs.”

“But-”

“Now.”

There’s a moment where Jane decides how defiant she’d like to be, how far to push her limits.

“Fine,” she huffs, walking from the kitchen as Charlotte trails behind her, eyes big with worry.

Reed sends her the most genuine smile she can muster. “I'll be up in a few minutes,” she says and then a whispered, “I’m so sorry,” to Stella who tiptoes around to follow the girls. And she just shakes her head with an empathetic tilt, Don’t worry about it.

Don’t worry about it, what a joke.

Once everyone’s down the hall, Reed turns her attention back towards Dan. His face is currently redder than a cherry tomato, acrimony and distress carving a harsh line in his brow. She hears the girls tread up the stairs and waits a beat to make sure she won’t be heard. And once they're fully out of earshot, she braces herself, says a prayer that she doesn't start crying out of anger or embarrassment. It could go either way at this point.

“Let’s start with: when exactly did you try calling?” Reed asks, trying to keep her voice level.

“I tried your cell 30 minutes ago! And I texted you.”

“What about Lydia’s landline?”

“Tanya, I don’t have time to call every number in the book when there’s an emergency,” he says spitefully and fuck him, yes he does. If she doesn't answer the phone, he sure as hell better call every number in the goddamn book before attempting to leave their children anywhere.

“What if I hadn’t been here? What would you have done? Just dropped them here?”

“I would’ve figured it out.”

“Sure you would have,” because that's his answer for everything. Something empty and pointless that sounds decent after the fact. “What kind of emergency could be so important that-”

“It’s a client emergency.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“Don’t.”

“Dan, you can’t ask to take them for the weekend and then change your mind. I need to be able to count on you when you say you’re going to take them.”

“It’s an emergency!”

“It’s not an emergency,” Reed admonishes. If she could count the number of times he's missed something for a client emergency. There can only be so many emergencies before it comes down to a matter of priorities, plain and simple. “‘Someone’s in the hospital’ is an emergency. This is just typical.”

Even as she says it, she knows it sounds bitter, she can hear it in her voice. But truthfully, she doesn't care. She's given him leeway and she's given him chances, partly because she feels so terminally at fault for being the one to split up their family. His guilt trips work on her and she wishes they didn't. So most days she bites her tongue and tries not to argue with him. But not today because he fucked up his first time taking the girls this badly. Like ‘letting them walk in on her fucking someone’ badly.

“Forgive me,” he starts out condescendingly and oh boy, this should be good. “Forgive me if I don’t have patience for a lecture from you of all people. You clearly don’t give a fuck about me or this family anymore.”

“Excuse me?!” Dammit she's yelling. He's getting to her and she's losing her temper. This can't happen, she's stronger than that.

“Is this the real reason we’re all moving? Why I’m looking for a new job? So you can live out some lesbian fantasy while the rest of us wait around for you to get it out of your system?”

First, she gapes at him. Mouth open indignantly, ready to fire off a string of words that undoubtedly start with “fuck” and end with “you.” But that's childish and she doesn't need the girls to hear her so she takes a deep breath and reigns it in, tries to compose herself.

“I’m not going to dignify that with a response,” she finally settles on, her voice a step from shaking. But Dan’s not as cognizant of his volume as she is, and he's ready to unleash a lot of pent up emotions on her.

“Then what did I just walk in on? Who the hell is that? I mean, christ, she’s up there with our kids. Do you even know her?!”

“Stella has absolutely nothing to do with this!”

“Why are my parents fighting about you?” Jane asks slightly upset and more than a little confused by the strains of arguing that they're hearing upstairs. Thankfully Charlotte is occupied, sifting through her overnight bag and looking for a doll as they sit in the girl’s shared bedroom.

As soon as they'd come upstairs, Stella quickly grabbed a pair of pajama pants sitting out on Reed’s unmade bed. Afterwards checking in with the girls had overridden the part of her brain screaming that this whole situation was the most absurd thing that could have possibly happened. And now she sits on the floor, waiting patiently for Charlotte to find her doll while Jane barely attempts to disguise the fact that she's listening for snippets of her parents fighting.

“Sometimes grown ups fight over one thing when they’re really upset about something else.”

“So they're fighting about you even though they're mad about something else?”

“I assume.”

And it's not a lie because none of this is really about Stella. It's about change and responsibility, hurt and commitment. In the end, she has nothing to do with those things, naked in Reed’s kitchen or otherwise.

“Well, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“A lot of things about being a grown up don’t make much sense.” “A lot of things about being a kid don’t make sense either,” Jane pouts before perking up at another round of heated words drifting through the ceiling. Thank god Charlotte's so engrossed in her task that Stella only has to really worry about one of them.

“You’re very smart.”

Jane smiles a little at the compliment and then takes a moment to really look at Stella. Guarded brown eyes form a window into which Stella can see gears spinning, some serious analysis and attitude at work. “So you’re my mum’s friend?”

“Yes, we used to work together.”

Stella can't blame Jane for being suspicious of her, it might be alarming if she weren't. Even if the twelve year old didn't fully understand what she saw downstairs, she's getting old enough to infer certain things. Maybe not a full picture, but one where passive excuses and obvious lies don't cut it. And Stella remembers her conversation with Reed over the phone a few nights ago, listening to her regale the traumas of a rather intense interrogation with the children. The prospect of trying to explain similar things to Reed’s girls without her consent makes Stella’s stomach twist.

“Why are you in pajamas?”

“It got very late,” Stella starts, trying not to smile at the sharp intent behind Jane’s question. “And your mum was kind enough to let me sleep here.”

“Like a sleepover?”

“Something like that.”

Mulling this over, Jane continues to openly stare at Stella, even as she seems to come to terms with her answer. Stella hasn't been observed this intently by a child in a long time, and it's only fitting that she should be in post-sex attire on top of it. Briefly, she feels more self conscious than she had downstairs.

“I love sleepovers,” Jane finally says rather matter of factly. “But my mum never lets me have them.”

“She does too,” Charlotte says, attention divided between the two of them and her doll, which she's now priming for show.

“Hardly ever.”

Charlotte’s arranged her doll’s hair just so and officially deems her fit enough to show Stella. The little one pridefully points out this and that about the doll, who has blonde hair and seems remarkably skilled at bending her flexible plastic limbs. Stella ‘ah’s at all the right moments, only about half understanding the tidbits of information being babbled in her direction. And then she notices Jane actively tuning them out as a few more choice words filter upstairs.

“Jane do you have a favorite?” Stella asks her, hoping to fulfill her end of this arrangement by distracting the girls until their parents are finished.

“Yes she does,” Charlotte answers when Jane ignores her question. “It’s Jade.”

“Why don't you come over here and show me Jade?”

“I know what you're doing,” she responds looking directly at her now, sass and aggravation both in full gear. “You just don't want me to hear.”

Stella waits a moment and susses the child out before she explains, “I don’t think your mum would like it.” Jane listens but isn’t convinced and Stella continues with a bit of universal information, “And it’s not polite to listen in on other people’s conversations.”

“I wouldn’t have to if they’d just tell me the truth,” Jane says heatedly but her admission is colored with dejection, and Stella knows the feeling. She remembers being that young and understanding so little. She remembers not being able to make sense of the life surrounding her in all of its glory and humility, beauty and gore.

“I know it’s frustrating,” Stella tells her quietly. And she's about to deliver an untruth that she knows this situation requires. “But it’s only because they love you.”

“That’s what they say.”

“That’s because it’s true.”

“How long have you been seeing her?” Dan asks, crossing his arms and widening his stance like it gives him more of a right to speak to her this way. Men.

“That’s none of your business.” “If she’s going to be around the girls it's my business,” he says indignantly.

“She wouldn’t be if you’d spent the weekend with them like you were supposed to.”

He gets quiet and looks fixated on her left shoulder, something intense and tumultuous forming in his mind. His voice is low and even when he asks her.

“Were you having an affair?”

It’s a fair question. Especially considering the fact that she'd almost slept with Stella before the split. But she hadn't so she could answer this question truthfully and live with herself when it was asked.

“No.”

He nods harshly, succinctly and stares at the floor for a long while. Apparently he believes her. Or maybe he doesn’t, she can’t say for sure, but he’s certainly weighing his next move. And there it is, his eyes. The ones she’d fallen in love with. Pleading and puppy dogged, large and wanting. They’re staring into her and it’s like watching a home movie on VHS. Archaic and out of date. Nostalgic all the same.

“Tanya, I’m trying,” he implores. “I want to make this work.”

And it would be so easy. It would be so easy to fall into this trap, the one that’s allowed her to stay with him for this long. That mask of caring, the one that says ‘I’ll do better, forgive me.’ She can’t take it anymore.

“Stunts like today - dropping the girls off out of nowhere, saying that I missed your call… It doesn’t feel like you’re trying. It feels like you’re making excuses.”

“What do you want?!” he says and it’s booming, the kind of volume you get at a sports event. “I’m looking for a new job! I’m looking for a place down here. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Just be there for them, it's that simple,” she says softly, trying to bring the conversation down to an appropriate decibel. “I don’t understand why that’s such a hard concept to grasp.”

He hangs his head a little and Reed watches as Stella’s lacey underwear catches his eye. He blinks hard and looks away, taking a moment to collect himself. “Look if this is something you have to do, I’ll find a way to get over it.” He’s looking at her now, directly and rationally, and she worries this might be her downfall. Because anger is one thing and logic is another. “But you made a commitment to this family and we should at least try to make it work. The girls deserve it.”

It stings her somewhere deep inside, somewhere where the guilt she harbors over the entire situation festers and grows. The girls. What the girls deserve. She’s gone over it so many times in her head and it’s what’s kept her from leaving a thousand times over. It’s unsustainable, this idea of staying together just for the sake of their children.

“Please don’t tell me what the girls deserve. Please don’t do that. Not when you’re breaking plans with them.” “God dammit none of this would be happening if you’d just let us be a family! I didn’t do that Tanya, you did.”

“Leave.” It comes out low and gravelly. She’s done with this, she’s done going over what’s been done and what’s been said. It’s not part of her prescription, it’s not part of moving forward. “I’m not having this conversation with you again. Not right now. Not when you have such pressing client emergencies to get to.”

There’s a long few seconds in which he looks at her, eyes drilling into her in a way that feels intensely uncomfortable. But she doesn’t flinch and she doesn’t look away. She has nothing to hide. Well, not much, anyway. And when he realizes that the conversation’s come to an end, he takes one last lingering look around, observing the mess, observing Reed.

“Might want to clean up before they come back down,” he says bitterly before turning around, making his way back down the hallway and towards the door, closing it a bit too hard as he exits.

He doesn't say goodbye to his daughters.

Reed takes a few moments to breathe, tries to let the angry energy slip away with each exhale.

It’s a mostly failed effort.

But she won’t let him ruin this day. Far from her initial imaginings, it’s still her day to claim and claim it she will.

So she gathers the discarded clothing in her arms and marches upstairs to deposit it behind the closed door of her bedroom. Then she goes to the bathroom and takes several deep breaths, splashing cool water over her face as she braces herself to face Stella. There are some things that you just can't come back from and this feels like one of them. Why can't she have anything?

Terrified, Reed slips quietly out of the bathroom and approaches the cracked door to the girls’ room, a sliver of light bleeding into the hallway. She pushes it open gently and sees that Charlotte and Jane have very specifically lined up their favorite dolls all in a row with each of their best accessories. Her girls seem enraptured in explaining the intricacies of each doll and the relationships they all have to each other. Reed’s heard it countless times.

And she sees that Stella has thrown on a pair of fleece pants with a plaid pattern, a holiday gift from her husband two years ago. She’s sat down purposefully before the lineup listening as best as an adult can to the rapid back-and-forth of her children enthusiastically rambling over each other. Reed owes her big time, it seems like she may never be able to dig herself out of this woman's debt.

Then Charlotte notices her peeking with a wide toothy smile, “Mum! Come play with us!”

“Inside voices,” Reed says softly at her youngest’s shriek of excitement. And she ventures further in the room as Stella turns looking over her shoulder. She doesn't look like she hates Reed forever. All things considered she looks entirely normal, that's a good sign. “How's everything in here?”

It's a question mostly directed at Stella but Jane quickly replies, “We’re showing Stella how to play.” As if the wide arrangement of dolls wasn't clue enough.

Reed settles herself on the edge of Jane’s bed and teasingly asks, “Is she any good?” Stella gives her a subtlety admonishing glance and Reed just grins.

“We haven't started yet, come play with us and you can be Delia,” Charlotte says quickly as incentive.

Reed laughs a little, somewhat mystified by how unaffected they all seem up here. Then as if on cue, Jane’s asking, “Did Dad leave?” And reality quickly hemorrhages into their world of make-believe. And everybody’s silent, looking at Reed with big eyes. Well, except for Stella, who's politely looking down, a small attempt to give her some space if she needs it.

“He did.”

“He didn't say goodbye,” Jane says quietly and there's a small note of hurt in it.

“I know, I'm sorry. He was in a hurry, remember.”

“Yeah,” she says. Charlotte looks at Jane trying to gauge her reaction, she usually takes note from her sister on how to feel during these situations. Reed’s not sure if she's glad of that yet. But then Jane’s perking up. “Did he tell you about the V&A? He promised you'd take us.”

“What’s this now?”

“He promised to take us to see the Hollywood dresses at the V&A. And then when he was dropping us off he promised you'd take us instead.”

“You want to go to a museum?” Jane nods. Reed’s always been proud to have bright and inquisitive children but she never honestly thought they’d ask to go to a museum for fun. “Charlotte you too?” Charlotte looks at Jane and nods enthusiastically.

“They're supposed to have the costumes from Titanic!”

Ah, bingo. Jane’s newest obsession with epic romantic films, specifically Titanic. And Jane’s never expressed too much interest in boys yet but Reed wonders if she’ll have a love sick teenager on her hands before she knows it.

“Stella can come too!” Charlotte adds. “And then we can finish our game.”

“Now wait a minute, girls-”

“She said she would play with us.”

“Stella's a very busy person with a lot to do. Maybe she can play another time.”

“But then she'll miss the V&A!” Jane wines. “It's going to be so fun! They’ve got so many dresses!”

“Please!”

Never underestimate the energy of an 8 and 12 year old during their post-breakfast sugar stride.

Gracious as ever, Stella sits patiently with a warm smile, allowing Reed to take the lead on this one. And yes, Reed can envision the way her girls might gravitate towards Stella, because doesn't everybody, but she certainly wasn’t expecting this level of interest. Then again, she’d offered to play. And they fall almost immediately in love with anyone willing to indulge their games. She hadn’t considered that. Then again, she hadn’t considered most of how this morning would unfold.

“Why don't you let me and Stella talk for a minute in the hallway, alright?”

Reed gives the girls a pointed look as Stella gets up and then there's a quick, “Behave,” before shutting the door softly behind her.

“First of all,” Reed says turning to her and leaning her shoulder against the wall. “I am so sorry,” she whispers. Before Stella can say anything she’s hurriedly adding, “Second of all, you absolutely do not have to placate them. Don’t feel the least bit guilty about it.”

Stella looks at her with understanding eyes that glitter with amusement.

“Breathe.”

“I'm so embarrassed.”

“Don't be.”

“How can you say that?”

“Well I'm the one who practically exposed myself to your children,” says pulling at the ends of her t-shirt and there's a hint of laughter in her voice. Thank god for that. “Not an ideal first impression.”

“I'm so sorry. I don't know why he's like this, I don't know why I expected this to be any different than-”

“Shhh,” Stella says running her palms over Reed’s arms. Her touch is so calming, why is it so calming? Why do things seem to make more sense through her eyes? “Everything's fine.”

“How are you so unphased by this?!” Reed practically bursts because it's just unnatural. It's unnatural to be so lovely and perfect and calm when the world is falling apart. “Why aren't you running from this flat? I live here and I want to run!” Stella chuckles and Reed goes on, “Seriously?”

Stella shrugs, smiling at her. So Reed takes her advice and breathes because Stella must be doing something right, and at this point it wouldn't hurt to listen to her. And after centering herself a bit, she opens her eyes and is met with Stella's inviting beauty in full force. It's no wonder her children are already in love with her. The mesmerizing way she manages to command and comfort in the same manner as a winding river or steady breeze.

“Sounds like they like you.”

“They're charming.”

“You say that now,” Reed teases, lacing her fingers through Stella’s and for a split second she feels drastically younger, immature and unaffected by the madness of the outside world. She wonders what this day would have been like if the last 20 minutes simply never happened. What it would be like to spend the day with her. And perhaps that's not totally lost but it'll be a much different sort of day than the one she’ll never know. “Listen, you're welcome to come but please don't feel pressured.”

“Would it be better for you if I didn't?”

“No - I mean, you want to?”

“There are worse things to do on a Saturday.”

“What about shopping?”

“There's always tomorrow.” Reed looks bewildered.

“Okay.”

“Was it everything you hoped it would be and more?” Reed asks Jane as they all sit contentedly with their lunch in a cafe a few blocks from the museum. It's quaint and trendy, which seems to be the theme these days. Small cafes with a variety of organic healthy options and unique coffee blends, as if anyone can really tell them apart. Little trinkets and small plants decorate the tables and walls, meant to give it that homey feel and Reed likes it. Must be why they keep making them all like this.

Jane takes a comically large bite of her sandwich and Reed anticipates that she’ll only eat half. And she probably should have let her daughters split one considering how large they are, but she likes to give them the opportunity to finish if they're hungry enough. A rare occurrence with this much food but it happens. Thankfully Jane minds her manners in front of Stella and doesn't immediately jump to answer until she's finished chewing. In the meantime there's some vigorous nodding.

“I liked Dorothy,” Charlotte says. “Even though the red shoes weren't as sparkly as I thought.”

“They're very old,” Stella points out. “75 years, remember?”

“Yeah, that's as old my mum.”

“Charlotte,” Reed says trying not to laugh. “Since when am I 75?”

“I don't know… How old are you?”

“Not that old, finish your lunch.”

Stella’s eyes laugh at her from across the table as she forks through her salad.

“Stella how old are you?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Curious.”

“Charlotte,” Reed scolds her.

“What did I say wrong?”

“Nothing.” Stella replies simply. “I'm 41.”

“That's old.”

Reed pinches the bridge of her nose.

“I'm sure it must seem so.”

“You don't look that old,” Jane says eyeing Stella curiously.

“Thank you.”

“I hope I'm pretty like you when I'm 41,” Charlotte says.

Stella raises her eyebrows trying to suppress an amused grin.

“Alright, that's enough you two. Leave Stella alone.”

“I was just being nice!”

Reed holds Stella’s eyes for a long moment, the words help me shooting from her eyes with a subtle shake of her head. Stella can't help but laugh, and it’s a real one.

The girls finish up their food without much more embarrassment on Reed’s behalf. And as they leave, Charlotte takes Stella's hand without giving her much choice in the matter. Her youngest is obviously enamored with Stella and seeing them together suddenly gives Reed pause. Because Charlotte takes to a lot of people, so it's not entirely out of character. But this is Stella.

For the most part, Reed can handle the unwanted visions of how she might end up hurt in all this, hurt falling for someone who doesn't ask to be fallen for. And as much as she kids herself, she'd probably started falling for Stella the moment she saw her. But her children are another matter entirely. Reed’s not blind, Stella's the dangerous kind of alluring that pulls you in and asks for nothing. And when it's gone you're left wondering why you felt so entitled to any sort of claim in the first place. It’s the kind of dangerous that doesn’t go well with children, with commitment.

Maybe she’s just being overprotective.

Under this new lens, Reed looks for signs of discomfort in Stella. Perhaps she should tell Charlotte not to cling. But as she looks on, Stella seems fine with the new charm dangling playfully around her wrist. She listens intently as Charlotte twists and talks, bouncing as the four of them walk down the street. And she’s entirely herself, as she is with anything, somehow perfectly Stella and somehow perfectly not. Because Reed’s watching her with a child, her child, and watching Stella with children is something else.

Then Jane looks up at her questioningly, and Reed realizes that she’s gone a bit quiet under the weight of her thoughts. And now her daughter’s eyes look up at her, searching to see if something’s wrong. Reed gives her a smile.

“Did you have fun?” she asks her softly, grabbing her hand with a gentle squeeze.

Jane nods and looks to Charlotte and Stella, eyes lingering and then turning back to Reed. “Stella’s nice,” she observes quietly.

“She is. Do you like her?”

Jane nods a little less enthusiastically, a little more thoughtfully. “Is she spending the night again?”

Reed has to bite back the rush of fear at her daughter’s question before realizing how innocent it probably is. “I don't think so,” she says trying to gauge whether or not Jane’s upset by her answer. But her eldest seems entirely willing to accept either option, nodding slightly in consideration. “She'll probably want to go home. I don't think she was expecting such a hectic afternoon with you two.”

Jane laughs and Stella looks over at her, a gentle smile settled across her face. And Reed is happy.

A/N: Yo I am so sorry for the delay between chapters. Writing is actually super difficult for me so it takes a LOT of time to get this stuff out. Hope that anyone following this story will find it worth while to stick around. Much appreciation to those who have kept with it xoxo

#stella gibson #reed smith #stella and reed #stella x reed #the fall #gillian anderson #archie panjabi #fanfic #fanfiction #femslash #lamplighter #candicewrites

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