#i had a lot of Thoughts about this one

[dragonologist-phd]

For Lilith: 👻 for a scene when they were scared

thank you!

Send a symbol for a scene from my muse’s childhood

👻 for a scene when they were scared

(warning for abusive situations)

The mace is cold and heavy in Lilith’s hands as she lifts it from the training bench. It takes every ounce of discipline within her to hold back a grimace as she raises the weapon and dutifully takes her position across from her fellow student. She is sparring against Felix today, which is quite unfortunate; at fourteen years of age, he is the oldest in the class and easily the most likely to win in games of brute strength. The other students stand against the far wall, watching and waiting their turns, and Lilith cannot help but wish that one of them had been chosen for this first match.

It is not the sparring itself Lilith minds. She’s adept at fighting, when she is allowed to be. But her strength comes from magic, from cunning. Straightforward weaponry has never been her strongest skill, and the blunt, brutal maces favored by the Asmodean Church seem especially inelegant in her hands. Her preferences matter little, of course; Inquisitors must use weapons, and if she is to be one, she must learn.

Instructor Brigia watches impassively as the two combatants fall into place. Outside of the training grounds, she wears the typical uniform of the Inquisitors: dark robes paired with masks of iron. The mask is intended to be a means of intimidation, but the removal of it does little to make her expression more inviting. She has never observed their sparring sessions before; she never bothered, not when they were young.

But now this class has ascended to the upper ranks. Now, they are worthy of higher notice. Lilith tightens her grip on her weapon and resolves to prove herself, no matter her disadvantage.

Instructor Brigia is silent as she watches her students prepare, and when they are ready, she gives a stiff nod and a single word. “Begin.”

Naturally, Felix is the one to make the first move. He charges in without hesitation, and Lilith is immediately forced into a defensive position as she dodges his persistent blows.

The fight is sickeningly short. Lilith’s mace is knocked from her hands with a blow that leaves her fingers stinging, and by the time she regains her footing, Felix is already looming over her, his own weapon paused mid-swing, hovering inches from Lilith’s chest.

Humiliation burns within Lilith as the moment stretches out. The Instructor should be calling the match in Felix’s favor now that she’s been disarmed, but no such call comes. Is she being made an example of? Will her failure be held out before the other students, that they may learn from her misstep? It would not be the first time.

She can only wait, stewing in her defeat, until Felix finally wavers and glances to the Instructor.

Instructor Brigia gives no indication that anything is amiss. Stone-faced as ever, she tilts her heads and prompts, “Well?”

Another moment of silent confusion passes, and she releases a low sigh. She nods toward Lilith and says, “Finish the fight. Incapacitate your opponent.”

Lilith understands immediately, and the embarrassment and frustration within her sharpens into cold fear.

She was right. She is being made an example of.

Felix takes a moment longer to catch on. “I…I already won, Instructor.”

“You have won nothing yet. Incapacitate your opponent.” Instructor Brigia’s gaze flickers from Felix, to Lilith, to Felix again. “We have healers in the temple if needed. Do not make me repeat myself again.”

Somehow Felix still doesn’t seem able to grasp her words, but his idiocy is Lilith’s gain. He is still looking at the Instructor when she strikes, bare-handed but determined. She barely fazes the larger student, but she does manage to grab hold of his arm, and she knows her only option is to wrest the weapon from his grip.

But even with the element of surprise, Lilith is still a head shorter than her opponent. He takes hold of her by the back of her robes and throws her to the ground, and this time, there is no hesitation when he comes at her with his mace.

Lilith has a split second to decide what to do- and she decides that she will not simply lie here and make herself an easy target. Rules be damned.

She lifts her hands to meet Felix’s assault, her palms already full of fire pulled straight from her veins. He screams as the magic makes contact and the scent of burning flesh fills the air, and he swings blindly in retaliation. With the burns spreading up his arms he has no chance of aiming well, but his frantic attacks catch Lilith’s right hand, slashing her pam open and wrenching her fingers back with the force of the blow. Lilith brings her other hand back around, delivering a ball of fire with it, and Felix screams again as he is thrown back by the force.

Lilith staggers back up to her feet, just in time for Instructor Brigia’s voice to cut coldly through the chaos.

“Stand down.”

The Instructor approaches Felix’s fallen form and leans down to inspect him, the barest hint of disappointment crossing her features. “A paltry performance, but we don’t wish to damage him beyond repair, do we? Somebody escort this one to the infirmary. And as for you…”

Instructor Brigia leaves Felix behind and approaches Lilith, who automatically straightens her back to stand at attention. Blood drips from her hand, but she doesn’t move from her position as she braces herself for admonishment.

“Good work.”

A shocked breath of relief escapes Lilith’s lips, but before she can say anything, Instructor Brigia has taken hold of her shoulder and steered her to face the other students. “I hope the rest of you were paying attention. You are students now, but one day soon, you will be fighting in the real world. In the real world, there can be no hesitation. The heathens you face will take any opportunity to turn against you. Do not give them the chance.”

“You have all been deemed worthy of advancement in our ranks, and that means that you should be able now to apply this lesson in your training…just as Lilith has.”

Pride swells in Lilith’s chest at the praise, even as her fear-fueled adrenaline fades and the throbbing in her hands suddenly threatens to overwhelm her. She bites down a gasp, and Instructor Brigia glances down at her. The Instructor holds out her own hand in silent command, and Lilith forces herself not to flinch as she offers up her injury.

The healing is almost as painful as the initial attack. Lilith’s skin seethes as it stitches itself together, and the bones of her fingers twitch and crack as the Instructor forces their mending. When she is done, however, Lilith’s hand is good as new- save for two of her fingers, which remain painfully bent and crooked.

Lilith bites down hard on her tongue to prevent a whimper from slipping out as Instructor Brigia brushes a thumb against the fingers. In a thoughtful voice, she says, “These will be treated tomorrow. That means twenty-four hours from now and not a second sooner. Let it be a lesson to improve your melee skills. You may have won, but it was a sloppy victory, and there is no pride in that. The next time you spar, I expect to see a refined technique. Understood?”

Lilith nods and slowly withdraws, every fiber of her resolve focused on keeping the shakiness out of her hands and her voice. “Understood, Instructor. I will not fail.”

[rebelcaptain4life]

The Rookie 4x01

Sooo many thoughts and even more tears. So imma just go through everything here I guess

Grey dealing with what happened 😭 grieving Jackson, but also needing to get Angela back. Grappling with sending in the rest of his team and potentially getting them killed, too, or waiting until they're sure the area is clear but waisting precious time

Jackson 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

Can't believe they all just had to watch their friend get killed like that 😔

"I lost a kid who's like a son to me" GREY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

"to show that we're not in America but in a third world country, we're gonna apply a beige filter to make everything look dusty" 🤡

I know Alyssa's just acting but I wonder what effect, if any, pretending to be in these stressful situations has on her real baby lol

Lucy is so smart, I won't stop saying it. She figured out why Lopez would be taken and still alive

GOOD JOB JACKSON OUR SMART COURAGEOUS BOY 😭😭😭

"Sir, we'll come up with a plan, it's not all on you" 😭😭😔😭😔 Grey has so much weight on his shoulders, he's the leader, he has to figure out what to do on top of his grief and worry. Nice moment of Tim telling him he's not alone

Bro seriously why did Nolan just ditch Lucy. I know it was for the Chenford but like they're supposed to be so close??? Also "you shouldn't be alone right now" again love the Chenford but what about Tamara??? Poor girl is also gonna be alone in that empty house

Ah so this is how Elijah came into the fold

*ehhem* AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED come on I'm sure you can both fit

That hug uhhh 👀👀👀 coming from S5, if the writers weren't setting up Chenford before (ie in the end of s3) they definitely were now

My personal speculation for what would've happened if Tim didn't get the phone call is a lot more angst and hurt/comfort. Like they whole point of her being there is to not be alone, but she's alone on that couch. I just picture Lucy going to Tim and breaking down sobbing. Tim holds her as long as she needs, until she falls asleep 🥲

LAPD doesn't have an air force but could Wesley borrow a private jet or something...?

I know it's not a great moment to acknowledge Nolan finished his training but I think it added some levity to a really dark episode, and also gave the team some much needed positivity

Noooo Lucy freaking out that maybe Gray was shot too cuz he wasn't answering 😭😭😭😭 NOT GREY GIVING HER THE SIDE EYE FOR IT poor girl just lost her bff to this guy 😭😭😭

Jackson's room😭😭😭😭😭

Didn't think Wesley had all this in him ngl 👏

Angela taking down a bad guy while in labour, so badass

"How do you feel about running" "IM IN LABOUR" can't Tim just carry her or something???

Angela looking around at her found family 🥹🥹🥹🥹 and the missing place where Jackson should've been 😭😭😭

Angela talking to Jackson 😭😭😭😭

Again coming from S5, I know the baby's name is Jackson but hearing it said in this episode, when it was the first time, is so special 😭😭😭

Btw when did Angela and Wesley officially get married?

[joiedecombat]

Both Raine and Aymeric get a lot of attention and affections from others. Are either of them prone to jealousy or felt insecure at some point? How did it show in their behaviour and how did they resolve it?

Ohhhh, that's a good one.

[I thought about doing a gpose to go with my answer, but the only correct image would be a recreation of that one Twelfth Night promotional shot with Audra McDonald, Anne Hathaway, and Raul Esparza - you know the one - but with Aymeric, Raine, and G'raha. My gpose skills are not up to that challenge, so I will refrain. 😂 Please just imagine it instead.]

Anyway... this got long, so I'm putting it under a read-more. Onward!

This is something that Aymeric struggles with more than Raine does. Raine knows where Aymeric is, she's spent time among the people he spends his time with, she's had plenty of time to see his dynamics with the people he's closest to. While he's an extremely handsome and eligible gentleman who's the subject of no small amount of admiration, the people who are actually inclined to make advances - hero-worshipping knights and social-climbing nobles, for the most part - aren't people within his closest circle. Those kinds of overtures discomfit him more than anything, and Raine is well aware of that.

She's pretty sure that Lucia is in love with him, but she can hardly begrudge Lucia those feelings, and she's reasonably confident that his trust and affection for Lucia as his right-hand woman doesn't tend towards any kind of romantic inclination. If Lucia showed any signs of trying to get between them, it'd be a different story, but that's not the kind of woman Lucia is.

Honestly, the Echo helps a lot here as well.

Unfortunately for Aymeric, he has it tougher, because Raine is so widely-traveled and at this point is known as a hero across several continents and at least one other world. He knows all too well that she forms connections wherever she goes; it's hard not to wonder, when she's been gone for a while and he's missing her terribly, if she might one day meet someone who offers her more than he can, tied to Ishgard and leadership as he is.

More to the point, she has the Scions - true partners, able to travel with her and fight beside her and face the big challenges with her in a way that he mostly can't. That's enough to make him envious as it is, even if none of them had any feelings for her beyond the platonic - and G'raha Tia's feelings for her are clearly well more than platonic.

G'raha is an especially sore subject, because he's the reason she was gone to another world for the best part of a year, a period during which she went through experiences she's still reluctant to talk about in much detail, from which she came back exhausted and needing months of recovery. G'raha, who is obviously in love with her, became a Scion and one of Raine's closest confidants, got to be at her side through her very greatest battles while Aymeric could only worry from afar. Oh yes, Aymeric has been jealous of G'raha.

He's not proud of these feelings, and he works to manage them as best he can. For good or ill, he's very good at keeping his true feelings from showing, so the main outward sign was simply that he tended to be rather aloof toward G'raha on the occasions their paths crossed.

He and Raine have had some conversations on the subject, and she's put his mind at ease as best she's able. It helped that Raine involved Aymeric as much as possible when she made good on her promise to G'raha to show him around Ishgard - awkward though it was at first, it gave him the chance to get to know G'raha better as a person. Recognizing that G'raha cares for Raine's well-being and happiness in the same way he does made it harder to truly resent him.

He may also have gotten a reality check at one point from Estinien, of all people.

Aymeric still wrestles with feelings of jealousy on and off, especially when it's been a while since he and Raine last spent much time together. Ultimately, though, he's a mature adult and he trusts Raine. They have a certain unspoken understanding that if their feelings should change, they'll be honest about it - that's part of the reason that, though they've spoken cautiously about marriage, so far they've chosen not to take that step.

At the end of the day, of course, neither of them really has anything to worry about.

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[lucabyte]

sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad

[egophiliac]

hiii im sure you’ve answered this before but in regards to your twst x Pokémon, how do you choose which Pokémon go give to the cast?? really curious since your choices are unique :O

unique in a good way, I hope? 😅 (jk jk I haven't come across too many pokemon AUs, so I was going in without preconceptions, I guess!) I was sorta aiming somewhere between doing, like, a full AU with internal consistency and everything, and just picking entirely based on theme/character, so maybe that's why! basically I just set some arbitrary rules (no legendaries/no repeats/evo stages based on year) and then went on ~vibes~. a couple were also suggestions (thank you guys!) and last-minute decisions, so it was a bit of a delightful mess of ideas!

my one regret is that I should have given Riddle a Togedemaru after all. ...you know what, he can have one now, why not

[ashleys-doodle-corner]

ACT 2 "You're... me?" "That's right, stardust!"

You know I've been drawing Loop as their Siffrin form so much that it's got me thinking. I've read and seen so many fics and artworks of Loop eventually getting back to looking like their old self, but I don't think I've seen any so far of Loop already being a mirror copy of Siffrin. So uh, yoink?

ISAT AU where the game plays out the same way (plot-wise at least) but Loop looks like Siffrin the whole time and while Siffrin is extremely perplexed that there's another him, he's still gotta accept their help because how else are they supposed to escape the loops? Good ol' Loop is here to help, helpful friendly Loop!

Siffrin is going through it still but Differently.

[infinite-beginnings]

The line when Charles said, "Edwin's told me loads of stories about Hell," and him seeming to know he'd find a map in Edwin's book always hits me hard.

Now I acknowledge Charles might’ve been posturing to reassure the Night Nurse he could navigate Hell, but let's assume this fact was real.

Because that means that Edwin felt comfortable enough to talk about all of his trauma to Charles. He mentions Hell a lot in passing in front of the girls, but he never goes into specifics. However, it seems as if he actively told Charles quite a few details about Hell. I also noticed that Charles is very calm when he's going to find Edwin. Yes, he's studying the book a lot, but he is also navigating the space with a certain amount of confidence. I'm sure it's partially due to Charles' tendency to do things without thinking and project confidence. But also, it seems as if he might have at least a very basic level of knowledge or familiarity with the levels of Hell based on the stories Edwin told.

I think this is probably another reason why Edwin struggled to believe the fact that Charles had faced abuse in his past and never shared it with Edwin. Because Edwin was always up front and honest with Charles. He told him the very first time they'd met that he had just escaped Hell. I'm sure Edwin did not want to relive his memories of Hell, and maybe it took him decades to feel like he could share. But I bet when he started talking about it with Charles, he felt relief. Because sharing your trauma with someone who accepts you and loves you no matter what is always a relief after holding it in and pushing it down.

So I just imagine Edwin feeling that relief after sharing his stories from Hell and feeling closer and more bonded with Charles because of it...and then he finds out that Charles has this huge amount of trauma from his past that he has been keeping inside. It probably breaks Edwin's heart that he hadn't been able to offer Charles the same relief he'd felt.

And yes, Crystal mentioned that Charles was probably denying the trauma even to himself. We all know that Edwin knew something was off with Charles and that he was probably frustrated in himself because he hadn't been able to figure it out, but Crystal apparently had.

But I also think there might be another level to it. The boys have been solving cases for 30 years. I find it hard to believe that they never had another case involving abuse or at least someone with a controlling personality that would've reminded Charles of his father. Maybe Edwin thinks back to a couple of those cases and how Charles was acting strange and withdrawn during them and realized he'd missed a huge clue about how his friend was feeling.

All those years of sharing his stories from Hell and being comforted by Charles and Edwin hadn't been able to do the same. Edwin is definitely hurt that Charles didn't feel like he could confide in him and heartbroken to think about how much pain his friend was going through alone.

[ruporas]

opla inspired!

[misterpseudonym]

you said forever / tell me why can’t you stay?

[elvyn]

doodles some of my favs from One Piece because after two years I'm finally almost up to date with this anime😭

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

oh hey! i was reading a fic the other day where Wangji was once misspelled as Wangu. which leads me to: MDZS Pingu-style??? noot noot!

Do you think love can bloom on the sea ice?

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[buttercupshands]

So.

Act 5, huh?

Oh, and that.

"You can start breakdown now."

Finished the game couple of days ago and had some thoughts I needed to process a little. Like. Yes.

So anyway I actually didn't plan this and just wanted to redraw some sprites to just make sure I understand how to draw Siffrin correctly (still working on that!)

What did I learn from this? How fun it it to draw on a canvas that literally doesn't let you draw with colors without some layer cheating when necessary. Never tried it.

The beans. Sleeping beans.

Basically what happens when you want to sleep AND draw. Draw characters sleeping on your behalf.

Doesn't help, but at least it's cute.

I have no idea what was going on in my mind as I drew this. Feels like a fever dream of 'I want to sleep' at 4 am and 'Hm...' of thinking random things

Also that phone craft sign. Still too funny to imagine. I had to.

[leminaus]

is it ok to be a little selfish