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fanmoose12 · 3 years

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after death do us apart

Summary: Levi thinks his house is haunted.

Levi is in his kitchen, busy with a very important task of measuring leaves for the tea when he hears a loud, obnoxious thud, coming from his living room.

He softly curses, grabs his cane and rushes, as fast as he can with his body not as strong as it was before, there.

When he arrives, he sees that everything else is in order, except a picture frame that is now lying on a floor.

Levi's blood boils, an annoyance bordering on anger rushing through him. This picture - that one that now lies on the floor like some kind of useless shit - is his most priced possession. It is the only thing that keeps the memory of them alive, the one thing that reminds him during cold and dark nights that he might be alone right now, but there was a time where he wasn't.

It's a picture of him, Hange, Erwin and Mike all standing together with their arms around each other. He doesn't remember if that had ever happened, but that's what he had found in one of Moblit's notebook and after he made that discovery, he just couldn't leave it behind.

No picture of them exists - Mike and Erwin were gone even before they found out what a photo camera was, and in her last years, Hange was always too busy to take a single photo.

He regrets it now, not pushing her to take it, but Moblit's picture is vibrant enough. He doubts a photo could capture their essence quite like his sharp eyes and skilfful hands could.

Onyakopon tells him there are more pictures of Hange now. There are portraits made by talented artists that paint Hange as the last Commander of Survey Corps or during her last moments on Earth.

They're hanged in museums and various memorials but Levi doesn't wish to see any of them. He doesn't care about them, those pictures - they were drawn by talented artists, and Levi doesn't doubt that.

But they never knew Hange, not like he did. So how could they come up with something worthy of the light she bestowed on this world? How they could ever hope to put it on paper?

Levi crouches down, his bones and protesting, and picks up the picture frame.

Thankfully, it is still intact.

But just as his old, broken heart swells with relief, there is another thud. This time, the book falls down, nearly missing Levi's head.

He curses again, loud and vulgar, letting out the best of profanities the Underground taught him.

He whirls around, his eye searching for the offender. The room is empty, though. It's mostly silent too, the only sounds flowing around are those from outside his window. But then he hears it, a faint, feeble murmur that sounds almost like "sorry".

His heart clenches, his hand gripping the cane to keep himself grounded.

He knows that particular sorry. Heard many times many years ago - ehen he stumbled over the barely conscious, sleep deprived body, when his shirt got soaked in tea, soup or some kind of possibly dangerous chemicals, heard it repeating over and over as gentle, trembling hands inspected his injuries and wiped away the blood.

It was sometimes accompanied by cheerful, loud laughter, other times - with quiet, broken sobs.

He couldn't hear that sorry. He couldn't.

It was just a trick of imagination, nothing more, nothing less.

I am not old enough to go senile yet, he thinks as he puts the picture where it belongs to.

It was just a trick of imagination, he repeats and leaves the room.

He goes back to the kitchen and resumes his task. The skin on the back of his neck is prickling, like someone stares intently at it, but Levi chases that feeling away, convincing himself that he's simply being paranoid.

He pointedly ignores the quiet sound, the one that resembles a sigh of disappointment and the one he heard too many times too, during long nights at the lab and inside Commander's office, as well.

***

It's not the first weird (unexplained, she would say) thing that happened in his house. There are instances happening all over the place, each of them brings a different degree of strangeness

Windows and doors - close and open on their own volition, lights turn on and off, books, his clothes, kitchen ware - disappear for hours only to appear in the most random of places, bangs and knocks sound at all times of the day, merciless to his sleeping pattern.

Logically, he knows that it isn't normal. He also knows that he probably should talk about it with someone. But he was never good with that thing - talking. All the people he was somewhat comfortable sharing his troubles are now dead and gone.

He theoretically can discuss it with Gabi and Falco, but he doesn't want to, because, well, no matter how big they think they are, they're still children. Onyakopon is out of question too, because he might just get too worried and then send him into that building on the edge of the town - mental institution, he calls it.

And Levi might be old, but he's not senile. Yet.

Probably. He hopes so at least.

His mind is still his own, broken but not shattered. He knows right from wrong, sees the difference between reality and a dream.

He still functions properly, and yet those instances don't back away.

He'd ignore it, write it off as a product of imagination or strange coincidence. If only it happened once. Or twice. Three times even. Three weird happenings in a row is hard, but possible to ignore. But when it happens every damn day, for almost dozen times, it's not just hard to ignore. It's fucking annoying too.

He knows a name he can put to describe it all, of course. Born and raised in the depth of Underground, how can he not? Stories like this were well known and greatly appreciated down there. They were children of the dark, after all, friends with shadows. Everything dark and scary, anything feared above their little world was welcomed and encouraged.

Isabel used to warn him about enraged, vengeful spirits that hunt those who wronged them or those who disturbed their resting place. Kenny - when he was in a less shitty, kinder mood - used to tell him about souls that die without fulfilling their purpose and were destined to roam through the land of the living for all eternity, unable to sleep with their business unfinished.

Before putting him to bed or whenever she felt especially sentimental, his mother used to speak of those unlucky ones who died before their loved ones did.

"They cannot find peace even in death," she said. "And so they come back to our world and stay close to the ones they still cannot let go, watching them until they are able to reunite."

He never believed in those stories, though. Perhaps, he was born and raised in the Underground, but he got out of it, lived his best years with the sun shining on his face and wind blowing through his hair.

He thought ghosts doesn't exist.

But now that his best years are behind him, now that he has seen enough shit to know that anything is possible, now that some days he himself feels like a ghost, he starts thinking of them more and more.

Hange is gone, he reminds himself, she's gone and even though you miss her like crazy, it won't bring her back.

Hange is gone, and none of it is real.

But, god, does he really wishes that it was. *** It is the middle of the night, and Levi feels a presence behind him. It's not ominous like in that book about ghosts he recently found. It's quite soothing, actually. It makes him almost content.

It's not looming or hoovering over his form either. It's right next to him, as though this something - or someone - lays on a bed close to him.

It doesn't bother him anymore, nearly not as much as it did before. It brings him comfort, in some sort. It reminds him of-

No. It doesn't.

The presence behind him shifts and Levi feels the blanket slip from his legs.

No, that won't do.

He tugs the blanket back, but either he's getting too weak with age or that presence, ghost or whatever is so much stronger than him, but he can't get it back. They fight for it for a while, each struggling to get the upper hand. Levi yanks it back, applying all the force that's still left in him, but bears no result. He grits his teeth, sweat gathering on his temples as he pulls the blanket.

"Give it back, you little sh-"

He doesn't get to finish.

The loud, snapping sound of ripping cloth cuts him off.

"Fuck!" Levi yells, frustrated. It was his favorite blanket. "Is this so funny to you, you piece of shit? Why do you keep tormenting me?"

There is a bit of silence, and then lights in his room turn on. With wide eyes, Levi watches the paper levitate from a small pile on his desk. Pen appears next, and it hovers above the paper, the sounds of furious scribbling filling the dark room.

Before he can say anything else, shout more profanities or threaten the invisible fucker to get out (he may not be as strong as he was before, but he has a cane and he still knows how to use it effectively), the paper starts flying, catching him right in the face.

Levi takes it in his hands, squinting his good eye to see what's written there.

It IS funny, but i didn't wish to torment you. You know that, right?

Something resembling a sob escapes from his lips. Levi fists his hands into sheets below him, but eight fingers is apparently not enough to ground him and keep him from falling.

"Who are you?" he asks shakily, his voice breaking.

The pen starts moving again, flying over another paper. This one isn't thrown in his face. It's gently laid next to his thigh. Levi takes it, and his hands shake so much it gets hard to read. Words swim between his eyes, but Levi persists, laying the note on his lap and bending over to see better.

His whole world shakes when he finally deciphers the words.

Haven't you guessed already?

He closes his eyes and some sound escapes past his lips, he's not sure if that can be called a sob or a chuckle, or a combination of both, but his whole body is trembling as he tries to fight strength to whisper,

"Hange?"

From somewhere close to him, on his left side where she always used to be, he hears a delighted, happy laughter.

He looks around the room, his eye shifting, desperate to find her, but he sees nothing.

Fear grips at his heart.

So just a hallucination then? Simple wishful thinking?

"Where are you?" he murmurs, giving it all another chance. "Hange-"

"I'm here," a warm sensation travels up his forearm. It doesn't exactly feel like an ordinary touch would, but it's there, it seems real and it fills his chest with hope. "Right here, a little to your left," she continues. "Just look at me, Levi."

He does, immediately he does. But there is no one next to him. The gentle sensation doesn't fade, gets more persistent if anything, but Levi still can't see her.

"You need to look a little bit harder," Hange murmurs. "If you can hear me, I'm sure you can see me."

Levi stares, his eye focused on the empty place next to him. He strains his vision, moves his gaze up and down, huffs in frustration and then finally, finally, he sees something.

It's vague, indistinct, barely visible in the dark, but he makes out the outline of the body. He can see the mop of brown hair, and they're messy as always, can see strong arms and wide shoulders, that long, prominent nose, that rosy, soft lips that are stretched out in a hopeful smile, those brown, sparkly he missed so much.

"Hange," he breathes out, his voice barely above whisper.

He wants to touch her, god, he wants to touch her so much, but when he puts his hand above hers, it goes right through her.

"The situation is not exactly perfect," Hange laughs. "I don't think you can touch me, and I can't exactly touch you as well."

"I don't care," he shakes his head and moves his fingers, until his and Hange's are close. He doesn't feel much, but something warm is still there and it still makes his breath stumble.

Hange is here, she's not gone, not completely, she's here, with him. It is more than enough.

*** They fall into a sort of routine after that. It's easy with Hange, as it always was.

She disappears for short periods of time, refusing to tell Levi where she goes.

"They asked me not to tell you," she says enigmatically, and doesn't ever elaborate, no matter how many Levi asks.

At first, he still worries he's going crazy, but then Falco, Gabi and Onyakopon show up. They all sit down around the small coffee table in Levi's living room, chatting amongst themselves and sharing the last news and gossips.

"You look healthier," Falco remarks, as Levi brings the tea from the kitchen.

As soon as he puts the cups down, the chaos begins.

The door shuts with a loud bang, the windows rattle and chandelier above them starts to dangerously tremble.

Levi also notes that Hange is careful not to make any mess, but she still acts so damn loud. And dramatic. He hides a sigh as he continues to sip on his tea and watch Onyakopon, Gabi and Falco lose their shit in front of him.

Gabi ducks behind an armchair, Falco close on her heels, curling around her. Onyakopon keeps frantically looking around, his breath quick and shallow. Levi can almost hear the sound of his panicked heartbeat.

"Stop it, four-eyes," he murmurs, too softly to everyone else to hear (not that they could pay attention to him amidst all that clutter anyway).

Everything stills immediately. Silence washes over his apartment, interrupted only by Onyakopon's gasps.

Hange snickers beside him, but Levi is the only who can hear her.

"This was fun," she giggles, running a hand over his shoulder.

Levi can't disagree with her on that one.

"What was that?" Onyakopon exclaims, clutching his heart. "Was it-"

"A ghost?" Gabi cries out, looking both horrified and excited.

Levi glances at Hange, silently telling her 'she looks just like you'. She waves him off and turns back to Gabi.

"Is is the first time it happens?" Falco asks.

"No," Levi answers, shrugging. A week ago, he'd be as disturbed as his friends are, but now he moved past disturbance to acceptance to delight. "It's been happening for weeks now."

"You aren't safe here," Falco, bless his young soul, looks genuinely worried, down to the deep crease on his forehead. "We should look for another apartment."

"Don't bother. I'm quite comfortable here."

Of course, he's comfortable. Hange is here with him, after all.

"But!" Gabi tries to protest, but Levi silences her with a raised palm.

"I'm not injured or unwell," he gestures on himself, as if to illustrate his point. "And, besides, it gives house some character, don't you think?"

"A very scary character," Onyakopon notes.

"Well," Levi almost smiles, hearing Hange's laughter behind his back. "The house is not very different from its master then."

His guests leave soon after, but not before Gabi and Falco make him swear to call them if anything 'more dangerous and scarier' happens.

As soon as they're out, Levi sits down in his favorite armchair. Hange flies over to him.

"So," she looks up at him, and the bright sparkle in her eyes, even though it is still a bit indistinct, sets his heart racing. "Have I convinced you that you're not going crazy?"

He wants to ask how, opens his mouth even, but then promptly shuts it closed. Of course, it is Hange. She knows his thoughts better than he does.

And if he had any doubts about her realness, they've disappeared right in that moment.

*** Hange is almost always next to him, hovering over his shoulder and constantly chatting into his ear. It almost feels like the good old days.

Although now he can't kick her leg whenever she starts teasing or rambling too much. His trademark glare has to be good enough, though.

He brings Hange books and introduces her to all kinds of new technology. She is beaming like a child at every new thing he shows her, and Levi's heart is so full of love for that weirdo, he's afraid it's going to burst.

Hange accompanies him on his strolls too, and his poker face has never put to trial more than during those moments, when Hange starts joking or fooling around, making him almost lose all of his composure.

He can't laugh or even berate her in public, and she knows it, goddamn. And uses it for her advantage, the asshole.

Levi gets his revenge when they're back at his house, refusing to give her new books until she swears to behave.

She swears every time, hand on her chest and all that. And she breaks that promise the very same day. Levi can't stay mad at her, though. He never could.

*** "You know, I thought you were a vengeful spirit at first," he shares with her one evening.

He sits in front of the fire, his legs outstretched to the source of warmth. Hange is laying on the floor, book hovering above her. She closes and turns to Levi.

"I could be," she says. "But, unfortunately, the people I'd like to haunt are long dead as well. Floch is gone, Eren is too..." Hange scoffs, shaking her head. "And I can't very well haunt every bloodthirsty soldier back in Paradise. Too much work for the old, frail me."

Levi lifts an eyebrow. "You don't look that old to me. Especially, when compering with me..."

"Oh, Levi," Hange rises and gets closer to him. She sits down on his lap, and Levi feels warmth spread through the skin of his cheek as Hange puts her hand on it. There is a smile on her lips, the one that Levi knows too well. The one that means that Hange is going to say something very, very stupid. She opens her mouth and proves him right once again. "I was always more attractive than you," Hange murmurs. "Nothing changed since my death."

He rolls his eye and laments that he can't flick her nose.

Hange is still smiling, and when she leans in, he can almost feel a ghost of a kiss on his lips. *** "Don't you ever feel regret?" Levi asks one day.

He is sitting in his wheelchair, looking at the bright setting sun from the small garden near his house.

Hange is on top of him, her long legs dangling from the wheelchair. As he speaks up, she turns to him, and the happy expression turns into something more thoughtful.

"Regret?" she repeats, frowning. "What can I ever regret?"

"This?" Levi gestures around. "I know, you're still here, but don't..." he frowns, struggling to find the right words. "Don't you wish for something more? For us to have a proper chance?"

Hange looks up at the sky, and for a moment she's quiet. Levi thinks if he should take his words back, change the subject completely but it's something that's been bugging him for a long time. He's happy, so happy, that Hange can still be with him. But there are moments when he wishes for... more. To be able to hold her hand and share meals with her, to walk with her through the streets without worrying that someone might think he's some drunkard or lunatic who talks to himself.

He knows it's selfish to even think about it, he already received so much more than he deserved, but isn't selfishness an inherent part of a human?

Sometimes, he just can't help but long for something more.

"I'm sure you know what a method of trial and error means," Hange begins, looking back at him. Her words confuse him, but before he can open his mouth, Hange shushes him and continues. "Remember those days at my lab? Nothing ever worked out, every experiment turned into an ever bigger disaster than the previous one, and I was so frustrated I wanted to crawl up the wall. But there was a certain beauty in it all - I tried, I failed, I tried again. Over and over, until something good came out. And, boy," she chuckles. "When something worked, it worked perfectly. And, maybe, all of this, all of us," she swiftly runs her fingertips through his brow and Levi shivers at the warm, gentle feeling that spreads down to his soul. "As a failed attempt. We tried, it didn't work," she pauses, and her eyes are bright, much brighter than the sun behind her. "We can try again."

Her words stir something inside, a long forgotten feeling of hope. But he still can't accept it so easily, the cynic in him fights to make himself known.

"But you're already dead," he protests.

"And that means this attempt has failed. Not as spectacularly as that time when my experiment blew up and burned Moblit's eyebrows, but... not a perfect success either. We can try again, though. We can say goodbye, walk from each other and then meet again, in some other place and time."

"And what if we fail again?"

"Then we try again. And again, and again, until we can get it right. And when we finally do, oh boy!" she exclaims, flailing her arms into the air. "Wouldn't that be spectacular?"

She laughs, so happy and free, and Levi wishes to gather her in his arms and never let go. All he can do right now, though, is circle his hands around her waist, imagining that he's holding her.

Just like always, he trusts Hange.

They will meet again, and, maybe, it will all fall apart in a disaster worse than this one. But they can try again. They can keep trying, until... forever.

And, perhaps, that's the true beauty of life.

#not me ignoring all of my wips to write another barely comprehensible oneshot #ghost hange though!#we need more ghost hange lmao #levihan #levihan fanfiction

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mello-jello · 3 years

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Levihan Drabble Week - The Wrong Assumption

Here's my contribution, @levihan-drabbles . I chose the Hurt Levi/Caring Hange Trope. 1271 Words. This is set sometime after Isabel and Farlan die, and before Levi becomes a captain.

Two new recruits drove the wagon that carried Hange and Levi back to the safety of wall Maria. It was an unpleasant ride, to say the least. The constant bumps and rattling of the cart did them no favours. Levi laid on his right side, both arms above his head, firmly clutching the opposite elbows, so his upper arms cradled his head, covered his ears and blocked out some noise. He also had his cloak draped over his face to block out light.

Hange was on her left side, propped up by two blankets rolled up on either side of her to prevent her back from moving too much. She used her left arm for extra support, while her right arm was tightly bound to her torso.

They got injured on the first day. And it was all Levi’s fault.

When the torturous wagon ride began, Levi couldn’t wait for it to be over, but now that they were back home and he was expected to move again, he almost wished the ride would have been longer. Levi hesitantly removed his cloak. The sun was setting, and the light was less harsh, but it hurt like hell and his vision was still blurry. He saw two Hanges sitting up, staring down at him.

“I got you a bucket,” Hange said, a little too loudly for Levi to handle. “You’re going to hurl”.

“Tck, shut up, Four-Eyes. I just need quiet”.

Levi winced as one of the recruits gently brought him to a seated position, when to his own surprise, he promptly vomited. Hange managed to catch most of it in the nick of time. Her left arm outstretched, pressing the bucket up to Levi’s chest.

“Ugh. Disgusting” Levi said, breathlessly. He gripped the side of the wagon to steady himself.

“I told you s-”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me so.” Levi dismissed, as he pushed the bucket back. “Now shut up, or the next one is going in your direction”.

He was lashing out and they both knew it.

The two of them were escorted to their respective quarters where they were seen by medical personnel. Levi had a severe concussion, Hange had a few bruised ribs and at least one was broken. Nothing they won’t heal from. However, their injuries were still serious enough for Ervin to order both of them to return to the barracks, while the rest of scouts carried on with the expedition. Levi couldn’t shake the guilt he was feeling. For screwing up. For getting Hange hurt. For getting himself hurt and being unable to continue the rest of the mission.

It took a few days, but once Levi was able to walk in a straight line, he decided it was time to get out of his room. He should check on Hange too. His head only hurt if he made sudden movements. He still squinted in the light, but it was tolerable. He headed to the kitchen, where he kept his good tea.

He slowly descended the stairs, where he found Hange sitting about halfway from the bottom, breathing hard. She held her glasses in her hand, as they had fogged up from her exerting herself. Beside her, sat a pot of tea.

“Oi, Four Eyes. What the hell?” He resisted the urge to kick her.

“Oh, h-hi Levi,” Hange managed to breath out. “Care for a cup of tea? It’s been so long that I half expected to find you dead in your room”.

He picked up the teapot and held it up to his nose, and scowled at the scent. “Ugh, this is way too strong. How long have you been steeping this?”

“Uhm, I guess how ever long I have been sitting on these stairs,” Hange replied sheepishly.

Levi’s chest swelled with an unfamiliar emotion. How was she this kind? Putting herself through this just to bring him tea? She should be pissed at him. She should be yelling at him. And he shouldn’t be getting away with his shitty attitude.

He looked back at her, and his face resembled that of a guilty child that just was caught red-handed. He didn’t know what to say. He crossed his arms and glared at the floor.

Hange put her glasses back on and said, “how about you help me back downstairs and you can show me how it’s done,” she pointed to the teapot in Levi’s hand.

Levi nodded. He gingerly helped Hange to her feet and placed her left arm around his shoulders so she could put most of her weight on that side. It was a slow pace, but Levi was grateful, for it did not exacerbate his concussion.

They arrived at the kitchen, Hange leaned on a tall stool while Levi emptied the teapot and started boiling water for a new one. He sat across the table from Hange, arms crossed. The only sound was the low hum of the kettle. Levi started to sway, he gripped the edge of the table so he wouldn’t fall over.

“Are you okay?’ Hange asked.

“Why aren’t you mad at me?” He blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Huh? Why would I be mad at you?”

They stared at each other in more confused silence for what felt like ages. Hange was trying to process the meaning behind Levi’s words, and Levi was afraid to add anything else and make it worse.

Hange finally spoke, “Levi, why would I be mad at you for trying to save my life?”

Levi huffed and looked away, staring at something in the corner. “Because… you didn’t need me to. I caused an accident because I made an assumption. The wrong assumption.... I’m sorry”.

“Oh I think I get it now. When I leapt out in front of that titan, you -not knowing Miche was on my flank- must have thought I was a complete moron! So you changed course to come rescue me and that’s how our ODM cables got crossed”.

If only he had waited one more second, he would have seen the whole picture. It was a pretty genius strategy, too. But in the moment, he was convinced Hange was looking to get herself killed. He remembered the moment of impact vividly. He put a hand to his temple. The pained look on Levi’s face was all the confirmation she needed. Hange burst out laughing, wincing as her ribs protested the movement.

“Ow, ah”. She sighed as she focussed on steadying her breaths. “Did Humanity’s Strongest forget that we’ve been fighting titans long before you joined us? We’ve survived and thrived this long without you, you know!”

Hange’s expression softened as she delicately placed her hand on top of his. “Listen, Levi. I know it sucks sitting here and waiting for the bad news to come. It’s maddening. But this feeling isn’t unique to you. Your special title doesn’t actually place all of humanity on your shoulders. One person alone can’t save everyone, even if it is ‘humanity’s strongest’. You have to trust your comrades. That's a lesson we all have to learn. Including you. Especially you.”

Levi let out a long exhale. She had put what he had been feeling into words. Sarcastic words, but they did the trick. And it did ease his mind. The Scouts could handle themselves. Hange could handle herself. And he needed to remember that. He would always remember.

"Thanks Hange, I needed to hear that.”

“Oh I know! Because...and you didn’t hear it from me: Ervin’s planning on giving you a squad of your own!”

Levi gripped the table harder.

“I’ll get you another bucket”.

#Levihan drabbles #levihan #levi x hange #levi ackerman #hange zoe #trope tuesday

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dontmindmyshadowhunting · 3 years

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Kit and Ty’s reunion (Fan Fiction) - Part 7 - Let’s kick some Cohort ass

Title says it all. Just because I needed to see some Cohort ass get kicked. My kind of therapy. Characters based on Cassandra Clare’s (TSC) though I created one for the plot. Three years after TDA.

The two following days passed in a blur. Kit was returning to his bedroom after training one evening when he saw a package left on his bed. He opened it and emptied the content on his desk. There was a folded note and a necklace. Kit felt a jolt of uneasiness as he recognized instantly the whitish-green pendant with the Chinese characters carved into it. Even though he had only learnt a few Chinese words from Jem, and didn’t know how to read them, he knew exactly what the characters meant. When two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze.

It was the pendant Jem had offered Tessa over a hundred years ago, when he had proposed.

With a growing sense of dread, Kit opened the folded note and read. We hold someone you love. If you want to see her again, meet us at the following address. Alone. If you warn the Clave or anyone at the Institute, we will know. And what you’ll find there will be her dead body. The address printed at the bottom of the note seemed to be in a residential area, a 30 minutes’ walk from the Institute.

A flash of memories went through Kit’s head. Tessa smiling indulgently at him as he made yet another one of his bad jokes. Their banter about books and movies. Tessa carrying a giggling Mina and staring at Jem adoringly, as he was making faces to make them laugh. Tessa singing to Mina - loud enough for Kit to hear – the song his mother used to sing to him. Well, the mother who had given birth to him. Tessa was also his mother now.

When he snapped out of his daze, he was fully dressed in Shadowhunter gear. Thankfully, he always kept weapons in his room and was now heavily armed. He didn’t pause to think as he walked to the window and started escalading straight up to the Institute’s roof. He would not go through the corridors and risk being followed by someone at the Institute. He had noticed the way the Centurions sometimes seemed to suddenly appear out of thin air when he thought he was alone.

Perched on the Institute’s roof, he felt grateful for all the training Jace had put him through. He now knew that, as much as Jace could jump from unexpected, impossible heights, so could he. He had even trained to jump out of a Malachi configuration. Theoretically. Jace had smiled conspiratorially at the time, telling him it was a talent that could always prove useful.

He drew two runes, Heightened Speed and Surefooted, sparing a glance, as he always did, at the Voyance rune at the back of his right hand. He only paused to take one deep breath before jumping from the roof and landing gracefully on the ground. He murmured a silent thanks to Jace and almost wished his mentor were there for a high five.

He made it to the location in short time, although it seemed like hours to him.

He tried to circle around the meeting point, but it appeared empty. Just when he thought about doing another round, he heard laughter coming from an alley surrounded by two brick buildings. He peered his head. No one. He started as he heard a creaking noise behind him. Spinning toward the sound with his sword raised, he saw a familiar figure standing a few feet away.

It was one of the Centurions who had been assigned to his security. The Swedish blond girl, Kiersten Lindquist. She held a finger to her lips, hushing him, and slid silently next to him.

“It’s a trap” she said low in his ear. “I have sent Anush back to the Institute for reinforcements. I’ll distract them and you run. Don’t – and I repeat it – whatever you do, don’t let yourself get caught. It’s you they want. They will not hurt me if they are still looking for you. They would want to use me as bait.”

“But– Tessa…”

“She’s fine” snapped Kiersten. Then, more gently “please don’t mess up our plan.”

Wait– Kit thought, there was a plan?

Before he could ask, a dozen Shadowhunters – and it was plain they belonged to the Cohort - were circling them. They were calling themselves the Imperishable Order, now. Same shit, different name, thought Kit.

“Hey Barbie girl” drawled one of the Cohort members. He looked very familiar. “We have no quarrel with you. We just want the Herondale Faerie-slut. Leave us be and we will not harm you.”

“Manuel. I see you haven’t changed” said Kiersten calmly. “You’re still a disgrace to the Scholomance.” She drew her longsword and shouted “NOW”.

Kit sprinted, knocking down two Cohort members on his way, disappeared around the corner of the nearest building and scrambled up its wall with a dexterity that would make both Jace and Jem proud. Up on the roof, he could see six Centurions had been dispatched to look for him. He glanced at the battle taking place beneath him and heard shouts as a newcomer joined the melee and incapacitated a Cohort member in a record time, before turning to fight two others. Kiersten was fighting two on her own.

Kit decided to check on the hunt party. Only two of them had decided to climb the stairs up to the top of the building, while the others were searching the area. Suddenly, he heard in a loud, clear voice “STOP. STOP now, put your weapons down or I SWEAR TO GOD I will cut Barbie’s throat.”

He hurried back to stand at the edge of the roof, to assess the situation below.

Kit watched as the newcomer – a tall figure wearing a Centurion uniform – took a step forward and kneeled, laying his two blades on the floor. He raised both his hands as he stood. The moon lit his face. Kit gasped. Ty. No, no, no, Ty. I am so sorry.

Manuel strode to stand behind Ty, encircling him with his arms and lifting a knife to his throat. He was almost standing on tiptoe as Ty was taller than him, and it would have been comical if not for the dreadfulness of the whole situation.

A few feet away, facing them, another Cohort member had Kiersten in a headlock.

Kit had to force himself still. His hands were clutched into fists, his entire body trembling with the urge to fight. He kept repeating Kiersten’s words in his head. They will not hurt me if they are still looking for you. They would want to use me as bait.

“Well, well, look who we have here” said a woman’s voice and Kit recognized it at once. Zara Dearborn.

“Is this… Julian Blackthorn’s younger brother? The weird one? Well, whatever they say, he is hot as hell.”

Manuel laughed. “I figured you would say this, Zara. We all know you have wet dreams about Julian Blackthorn. No shame in that. You know what they say, keep your enemies closer and all that.”

Zara spluttered. “Seriously? You really want to talk about this? How about your crush on Emma Carstairs?” And in a mimicking voice, “Oooh Emma, you have such pretty blond hair and you’re such a badass, and you have this long, beautiful sword making up for my tiny, little…”

“Let’s make a truce,” said Manuel. “When we get back to Alicante, the Blackthorn Ken here will be all yours.”

“That’s actually a great idea. The look on Emma’s face when she finds out that her little brother-in-law and I…“

“I’m sorry, Zara, but this is not happening” said Ty, in a loud, clear voice, that didn’t betray a flicker of fear although he had a knife pointed at his throat. Kit felt a surge of pride. “No offense, but psycho bitches are not my type.”

Kit could see in the distance silhouettes running in their direction. He sighed in relief. Reinforcement was coming. He jumped from the roof and landed directly behind Zara, pointing his sword in her back in almost the same motion.

Several gasps of surprise.

“You think that jump was high? I can do it in my sleep” said Kit, showing off.

He winked at Ty then, who was glancing his way, pride glittering in his eyes.

Kit knew he needed to stall until reinforcement arrived. Admittedly, the Cohort members were already doing most of the job.

“So… Manuel, I have to admit I am a bit jealous. You see, I have been fantasizing about holding Tiberius in the exact same position for years now.”

Ty, who had not betrayed a flicker of emotion until then, flushed a deep shade of red.

Manual smiled viciously. “Oh, I see. I guess all Faeries are queers.” And then, he spoke in Ty’s ear but loudly, so everyone could hear “So, who’s the bitch?”

Ty didn’t answer but looked pointedly at Zara.

“Let me translate for you, freak. Do you hump him? Or does he hump you?”

“Come now, Manuel. This is the 21st Century. Keep up” said Kit, flashing his best smile. “We believe in equal opportunities.”

“OK guys, did I miss something? did we really run into Cohort members or some hormone-crazed teenagers posing as such?” it was Barbie – sorry, Kiersten – who had just spoken.

No one answered as this was the moment when Jace appeared out of nowhere and knocked down the person who had her in a headlock with the flat of his sword.

Kit pushed Zara away, with such force that she ended up sprawling on the floor.

He instantly turned to where Ty was standing… looking down, his foot resting on top of Manuel’s body, which was writhing on the ground. Manuel was staring at his hands, his forearms, which were covered with red rashes and blisters, his face a mask of shock. A powder substance was eating away his knife, which had somehow landed a few feet away.

Kit saw Ty put away a small vial filled with red-purple powder, with a satisfied look on his face.

All hell broke loose.

A fleeing Cohort member was swept off his feet as a whip circled around his foot and Isabelle, looking like a warrior goddess, pulled vigorously.

An arrow lodged itself in Zara’s thigh as she tried to stand up. Alec, standing a few feet away, had already pulled a new arrow. He looked… bored.

Kit knocked down another Cohort member using only his right hook. Because, well, he could.

In a few minutes, they had rounded up the wounded and tied their hands behind their backs.

The party that had been sent to search for Kit came back to an incongruous sight.

Zara, Manuel and the other Cohort members who had remained with the Centurions were now huddled together in the middle of a circle made by Anush, Kiersten, Ty and Isabelle, who was slashing at the air with her whip as to make a point to whoever thought they could chance an escape. Kit thought she looked like a hot school teacher scolding her very, very naughty pupils.

The search party turned around, making a run for it… only to be met by Jace. He was leaning casually against the side of the wall, his arms crossed.

“Hey, guys” he drawled. “Looking for something? Your dignity, maybe?”

One of the fleers launched himself at him, weapon raised, and Jace simply ducked out of the way as he drew his own sword.

Kit sensed a movement behind him, just as he was facing another one. Glancing backward, he saw that Ty had joined him to cover his back. He felt heat – the heat of the battle, the heat of Ty's body so close to his – as they fought back-to-back, four opponents at the same time.

Alec and Jace eventually joined them, and it was almost over before it had started.

The remaining Cohort members joined their friends in the circle where Kiersten, Anush and Isabelle had remained. Isabelle had put away her whip and was staring at her nails.

Clary finally swept in, gracefully, not a single hair out of place, and started drawing a portal.

“Sorry we are late” she said, standing next to Simon who was carrying large paper bags. “We had to stop to buy us dinner.”

*****

Hope you’ll enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it @heloisacosta23 @arangiajoan @nenyx @naerysthelonesome @adoravel-fenomeno @eutonyinwhisper @chlo-tk @the-blackdale @thechangeling @herondalebitchh

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bytheangell · 3 years

Text

A Very Successful Hunt

( @shadowhunterbingo square: Hunt. Clary/Izzy, no warnings) (Read on AO3)

Isabelle could do without Clary Fray showing up out of nowhere with her stubborn determination and eye-catching red hair and paint-splattered jeans. She could absolutely do without a gorgeous new girl hanging around the Institute, inserting herself in a world she barely knows anything about as if she’s been there her whole life… and yes, Izzy could definitely do without the huge, raging crush she has on the new Shadowhunter.

Isabelle takes to Clary so fast it’s scary. The fact that Clary shows up with Simon in tow sends up a few warning flags, especially with the way the mundane-turned-vampire constantly follows Clary around. She’s wary, but Clary and Simon insist they’re just friends. Once Isabelle knows that Clary is unattached, nothing can stop her from shamelessly showing off every time Clary’s around in an attempt to draw her affection.

Isabelle orders around anyone stationed under her while Clary’s nearby, showcasing her ability to take command and the respect others give her, toeing the line between being impressive and intimidating. When that doesn’t work she tries to cozy up to Simon hoping to get some information about Clary out of him, but also to show that she can care about what’s important to Clary, too, since Simon is clearly important to Clary. Izzy always saves her best outfits for days she knows Clary will be around and tries to arrange her schedule to be free for sparring during Clary’s training.

Isabelle does everything she can to catch Clary’s attention, to no avail.

Unfortunately, whenever Clary’s around she seems to be more interested in Jace. Isabelle watches Clary barely make eye contact with her, and shift her gaze to Jace instead as they pass down the hallway. When they’re in groups Clary speaks with Jace first, sometimes only speaking with Jace and pointedly ignoring Izzy. In fact, at times it’s painfully obvious the way Clary always tenses up around Isabelle but seems perfectly relaxed around Jace.

“I never thought I'd say this, but I’ve never wished I was you more than I do right now,” Izzy admits. Because of course Clary’s drawn to Jace, with his stupid ‘I don’t even have to try’ charm.

“If I could, I’d trade with you in a heartbeat,” Jace reassures her. She’s seen the way he’s eyed Simon the past few days, even if he hasn’t openly admitted it.

Isabelle wonders when she should just accept reality and cut her losses, but she isn’t ready to give up quite yet.

---

“It isn’t fair,” Clary sighs, flopping back onto the mat in the training room.

“I could just stop coming around with you,” Simon offers, trying to help.

“No, it’s fine,” Clary says. It isn’t fine, not when every time Simon is around Isabelle shamelessly shows off in front of him, but she doesn’t blame either of them, not really. “It’s just a stupid crush anyway.”

“It isn’t like I like her back,” Simon points out. “You should still go for it. Who knows what’ll happen?”

Clary eyes him curiously. “...why wouldn’t you like her back? She’s perfect.”

“For you, definitely,” Simon agrees. “But have you seen Jace?”

Despite her pining, Clary snorts out a laugh.

“Seriously,” Simon continues, steering the topic back to her. “Why not just talk to her?”

Clary sighs again, mostly for dramatic effect, as she pushes herself up off the mat. “Because every time I get near her I freeze up! I can’t even look her in the eyes without blushing, so I just stopped looking at her at all.”

“You’re a disaster,” Simon says, not unkindly.

“Tell me something I don’t know. Anyway, it’s never going to happen. There’s no way I’m setting myself up for failure when I already know the answer. I mean, we both saw her while I trained today.”

Jace trained with her today, and the entire time Clary watched Isabelle smile and laugh at everything Simon said as the two of them talked off to the side of the room. Clary didn’t miss the way Isabelle’s intense gaze met her own, as if to make sure she saw her with Simon, and why else would Izzy do that if she wasn’t trying to send a very pointed message that she’s interested in him?

Clary isn’t sure if Isabelle’s looking for approval or issuing a challenge, but it doesn’t matter either way.

Simon winces. “Yeah. Sorry, I panicked once she started talking to me. I didn’t want to be rude to her and ignore her, but if you want me to next time, just say the word and I’ll kick her to the curb.”

Clary only sighs in response, wondering how long she can manage to avoid Izzy before she has to confront her feelings head-on.

---

Simon knows he’s taking a risk when he corners Jace the following day. Clary is out on a patrol so she won’t be back for at least another hour, which is plenty of time for him to talk to Jace without her seeing.

“Hey, if I tell you something, can you promise not to tell Clary I told you? Or Isabelle?” Simon jumps right to the point, because if the answer is anything other than ‘yes’ he doesn’t have to bother with the rest.

“That depends on what it is,” Jace says.

Simon considers that answer. “It’s just…look, you need to get Izzy to lay off the flirting, okay?”

“Did Clary say something?” Jace asks.

“I know Izzy means well. But I’m not interested, and it’s killing Clary to watch-”

“Wait, you’re not interested?” Jace frowns, brows furrowing.

“Listen, I mean, she’s hot and all but-”

“Simon, she hasn’t been showing off for you,” Jace says. “She’s trying to flirt with Clary.”

“What?!” Now it’s Simon’s turn to be confused. “No, she spent the entire day flirting with me yesterday! You were there.”

“She’s just being nice to you because you’re important to Clary. No offense,” Jace adds quickly.

Simon is still reeling from the revelation that Izzy likes Clary back too much to care about the unintentional slight against himself.

“But Clary obviously isn’t interested, so really, I don’t know why she keeps trying,” Jace adds.

“But Clary is ridiculously interested!” Simon protests.

“Then why does she keep talking to me and ignoring Izzy?!” Jace demands.

“Because she’s a disaster and panics every time they’re together!” Simon points out, then after a moment of silence laughs. Jace looks surprised, then starts laughing as well a few seconds later.

“Alright, so they’re both disasters. Should we tell them?” Jace ponders.

Simon shakes his head. “No. Clary will never believe me anyway. I think they have to figure it out themselves.”

Jace smirks. “Okay… but maybe we can just help them speed the process along.”

---

Isabelle and Clary are the first to arrive in the tunnels for the emergency call about a reported demon sighting.

Clary won’t stop pacing, looking anywhere but at Izzy. When Clary finally speaks it’s the last thing Izzy wants to hear.

“Where’s Jace?” Clary asks, glancing at the entrance.

“Great question,” Izzy says, just as her phone buzzes with a text. “...and the answer is that he isn’t coming. Something about another report across town. Guess it’s just the two of us this time around.”

Izzy tries not to overthink the immediate look of panic on Clary’s face at that as they set off.

The first few minutes are spent in an almost painful silence until they come across the demon - it’s just one, thankfully, and Izzy’s quick to place herself between it and Clary when she spots it, dispatching it easily with her whip and a little extra flourish.

“I’m surprised you’re still showing off without Simon around to impress,” Clary says, and despite the smile that’s meant to be joking Izzy swears there’s a bitterness behind the words.

“Why would I need to impress Simon?” Izzy asks, trying to sound nonchalant. Had Clary realized what she was doing, trying to win over the best friend for brownie points? Did it backfire?

Clary just rolls her eyes. “We should go a little further, in case there are more,” is all she says.

“Sure,” Izzy agrees, left wondering what Simon was saying to Clary about her as she takes the lead down the tunnel again.

Izzy makes it a point to kick every stray rock she comes across with her boot, mostly to vent a little bit of her frustration, because otherwise, she’s going to snap and ask Clary why she doesn’t like her, and that’d just be sad and desperate.

One of her kicks, while admittedly a bit lost in her thoughts about the redhead walking several steps behind her, lands a bit too hard and the rock hits the wall of the tunnel hard, the sound echoing in front of them. The sound of wings immediately sounds back.

“Clary, watch-” Izzy starts, but Clary is already moving to grab Izzy by the waist and pull her down to the ground, just as a colony of bats flies through.

“I’m surprised you didn’t just let them hit me,” Izzy mutters.

“What?” Clary says, and Izzy curses because she didn’t think she said it loud enough for her to hear.

Izzy debates just pretending she didn’t say anything at all, but maybe it’s finally time to accept the way things are going to be. “Listen, I can be cool about this, okay? We can work together even if you don’t like me back.”

“What?!” Clary repeats. “I- You’re the one who doesn’t like me!”

“... excuse me?” Izzy says, suddenly very aware that they’re both still sitting on the ground. She stands herself up and brushes the dirt off her dress. There’s a short silence as Clary stands and does the same with her jeans, confusion evident when she finally turns her gaze back to her.

“You like Simon,” Clary says, as if this is the most obvious thing in the world, then frowns. “...don’t you?”

“No! I mean, I don’t hate him or anything, but I don’t like him like that. I’ve been trying to impress you and you barely look at me! What do you mean you like me, you ignore me for Jace all the time?”

“I don’t… that isn’t what I…” Clary starts, then stops, then starts, then stops again, worrying her lower lip. There’s a very long pause in the conversation, and for a few moments Izzy is positive that Clary is just going to turn and walk away without another word before she takes a deep breath and forces the words out.

“How am I expected to show up and just be cool around you when you’re-” Clary breaks off to motion up and down at Izzy. “You’re you! Of course I’m a mess around you, I can barely think straight!”

Izzy smirks at Clary’s choice of phrasing. “Well, no straight thoughts about me is a good start,” she says.

Clary balks. “See! That! I can’t do that!”

“Obviously, or we probably wouldn’t be in this mess,” Izzy points out.

“...says the girl who thought flirting with Simon was sending a clear message,” Clary counters.

“Okay, I wasn’t flirting! I was just being nice so he’d like me, so you’d like me for being nice to him! Which, in retrospect, might be easily misconstrued,” Izzy admits. “But that isn’t important.”

Despite the confusion and hints of annoyance and surprise and disbelief that are all jumbled together right then, there’s a nervous excitement rising up between them as the implications of their realization start to settle.

Izzy takes a tentative step closer to Clary - and this time, Clary doesn’t look away or step back. This time Clary moves to help close the space between them, and Isabelle grins against the press of Clary’s lips.

---

Simon and Jace are both waiting for them to return, and Clary catches the knowing smiles on their faces when she walks in with Izzy, close enough their arms brush against each other as they laugh.

“I take it the hunt went well?” Jace asks, glancing between the two of them.

“Very well,” Izzy says with a wink.

“Pay up, Lewis,” Jace says, holding his hand out.

Simon groans, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a $20 bill.

“...there wasn’t a second demon sighting, was there?” Clary accuses, eyes narrowing.

“Nope,” Jace admits. “I bet Simon if we got the two of you alone long enough, Izzy would cave and say something to get you two together finally. Simon bet Clary would panic and double-down to deny it even if you did.”

“Simon!” Clary says, though after her recent bouts of pining she can’t really blame him for the lack of faith.

“In his defense, you almost did,” Izzy points out.

“Not the point,” Clary pouts. Izzy leans in and gives her a quick kiss, and Clary’s lips immediately turn up in a smile.

“That’s better,” Izzy says, smiling back.

“By the Angel, what have we done?” Jace groans dramatically. “I can’t watch any more of this. C’mon, Si. I’m suddenly $20 richer, first drink’s on me. I think we earned it,” Jace offers.

Simon looks surprised for a second, then nods eagerly before following Jace out of the Institute.

Clary looks over to Isabelle with a slight, knowing smirk. “How long before they realize?”

“I’d give it a week.”

#clizzy #clary fray #isabelle lightwood #shadowhunters #ShadowhunterBingo #hmdiscord #tsc #jace herondale #simon lewis #jimon #my final bingo fic! <3 #this wasn't quite the idea i started with but i'm pretty pleased with it after a bit of reworking!#long post #elle writes a few deadbeat lines

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jean-does-not-have-a-horseface · 4 years

Text

Before Dawn (Levi x Reader)

So, I wrote this mostly in one sitting because I longed to post it on Archive of our own but I'm sure not all people read stories there, so if I can make someone's day brighter with some not so slow slow burn and eventual fluff then I'm in. I hope you enjoy, also I don't know how to add the read more option on mobile

Your face meets the hard, cold pillow of your bed with a loud but somewhat muffled thud. Your room turns darker and darker by each passing second as the sun slowly disappears behind the mountains. When you can't feel any stream of light entering the room you peak outside of your dormitory's window. Another exhausting day has finally come to an end.

Being the youngest member of Erwin's team isn't always as good as many of your comrades picture to be. Most of them believe you're babied, treated softly and specially, which is untrue to any possible extend. If anything, you're practically silenced by your other team members, who are much older and far more experienced than you. You do errands for everyone most the time and you're even assigned paperwork concerning fallen soldiers. You humph quietly. Soldiers can talk and gossip as much as they want, you're used to having to hear a new rumor about every one every passing week anyway.

Time seems to pass slowly as you're laying there, not moving a single inch of your body. In fact you contemplate on weather to even bat an eye to the direction of whoever's poking you. You have been satisfied with not having to talk to anyone for that little time you had to yourself.

"(Y/n) come on, we're just finished forming new squads."

Your much necessary time to relax seems to have to come to an end. It's almost never your choice, whether you get to rest or not that is, but you only sense it's going to get worse now that Erwin has been ranked as the new survey corps commander. A loud groan makes its way out of your barely parted lips. It only takes one second to storm out of your bed and another one to be able to stand still on your feet.

"Uhgh Hange, I hate that they have to do this right now. I was about to go shower." You mumble under your breath, solely with the intention of whining your way out of this situation. There's no such thing as convincing Hange out of pretty much anything anyway though, you scold yourself for believing it's worth the time.

The walk down the corridor is dull and silent and the only noise that can be heard comes from inside the dining hall that you pass without missing a heart beat. It's been a while since you started skipping dinner because your appetite was going down hill. In addition, it's not that Hange even brought up dinner at the sight of the dining hall.

Upon arriving at Erwin's door Hange lifts her hand and steadily knocks twice. You're not even standing on the spot for a second before the familiar word of approval is spoken from inside. Hange practically drags you inside, instantly adding tones of despair into your misery for the night.

Despite your best wishes, everyone in the room has fixed their eyes on you after the squeal you let out due to Hange's rushing movements. "Welcome (y/n)" Erwin speaks and you nod in response before saluting boringly. He urges you to take a stand between Levi and Mike and you comply without even trying to give it a second thought. Even though it's frantically silent in the room in a way you think that a single sound carrying breath could break it while Erwin speaks, you witness as Mike decides to tresspass that.

"You're squad Mike girl!" He whispers to you in a prideful way. His smirk betrays the happiness that has swelled on him by receiving this rank.

"Any questions?" Erwin asks before he forces his voice to come to an halt. Seeing that no one requests to know a thing from him he proceeds to call new squad leaders, one by one to pick members for their teams. Surprisingly enough, Levi gets called after Mike, speculating a peculiar reaction by the remaining veterans, even you, someone who has no place in voicing any object to Erwin's commands.

"Levi's not to doubt, I believe you all know that, and he will be running the new special operations team."

It occurred to you that no one was actually doubting Levi's abilities; most of them had probably been jealous to having to work that hard to receive a rank when he was only in the regiment for a year. However had they known Levi even in the tiniest bit though they'd never have an ounce of jealousy for him. Not that you knew much to beging with. What you had managed to gather from him about his past were a few broken sentences a night he accepted to come and hang out with your squad mates that he only spoke to you as he accompanied you to your barrack upon being forced by Mike.

You sit there, between the two men quietly for the rest of the long meeting and once you're dismissed you practically sprint to the showers. You know the water ought to be freezing cold by now but you preferre to endure this rather than having to wash alongside your female comrades. Growing up, your little given time in the shower was your only rightful privacy and you intend to keep it that way.

The water stops with a twist of your hand at the handle. You search for your towel in the dark and as you set your hands on it you rapidly begin to pat your body dry. Throwing your long nightgown on, you begin stomping out. Momentarily you seem to be in a haze of meaningless thoughts that pass your mind so fast, you can't even get a grip of them, many things seem to occupy your mind lately. New formations, improved harness gear, the news of your mother's death. You can't seem to put your thoughts in order, not for tonight at least. It's only when a deep, monotone voice rings in your ears that you jump and leave a little squeak come out of the depths of your throat.

"Oii"

"Shit! Don't sneak up on me like that" you wonder if you have to address him but in the end you do; in the end of the day you are one of formalities and everyone who knows you can confirm that. "sir.."

Levi simply clicks his tongue in response. You're the first person to address him as a commanding officer as of now, probably because every one else would need a moment to take it in, including himself.

"Thanks for making Isabel feel welcome back then." Levi's voice is barely louder than a whisper yet it never cracks, not even a little but that isn't what's taking you aback. The statement, in fact, sends you literally a few steps back and shoots your hand to your forehead in an act of despair. The cruel scene still plays in your head from time to time and you wonder how many times it must do so in his. You find your heart stopping for a moment before you feel a teeny flicker that sends your pulse running through your veins.

It's natural for someone not to be able to comprehend trauma in ways they are expected or rather forced to. Levi in particular is introverted and moody, if not most, then all of the time but this statement shines a different light on your understanding of his character. He's as emotionally drained and traumatized as someone can be. In fact, everyone is but this doesn't mean ones personal pain is lessened, in your opinion it makes it even worse.

"Not everyone is taught mannerisms I guess. The girls who made her feel unwanted can eat shit anyways."

It's obvious that Levi doesn't want to utter another word of the matter and you're not the one to push him out of his comfort zone. An uptight upbringing and the misfortunus chance of interacting with superficial assholes for equal parts of your life have taught you how to have temperament. To be patient even when you physically can't take it anymore.

"Tch.. Go to your barracks you're dismissed." It's time to bid eachother goodnight and of course Levi's eager to be the one to remind you of it. Tomorrow's a big day with everything you have to take care of after today's events. No cadet should be unable or not in position to assist by command.

"Sweating the chair already I see."

____

The next day starts with Nanaba waking you up. You take some time to adjust your eyes to the semi lit room. It strikes you how some people have always talked about how they missed feeling the magic of watching an eventual sunrise and even if you can see where they're coming from you're reminded every day of how much you despise every single aspect of it. Starting off with the runny nose it always bears for you as a hatred gift.

"I know it's kind of first thing in the morning but we have to help squad leader clean the office he was given.

Then again maybe you're just envying anyone who got to be woken up by sun's glowly warmth once it was already up in the sky.

"Hey, psst, don't zone out, get dressed."

Erratically, you skip breakfast. You fail to be in the mood for food lately most likely due to exhaustion or general disgust of whatever soup dish you are to be served. Your stomach has stopped trying to object to you since a young age. The only thing that ever makes it groan nowadays is guilt. With that devil of mother dead though it's not like you have anything to feel guilty for anyways.

"So here's your mop." Mike forces the object into your hands before you even get a chance to greet him. "Okay I repeat. Nanaba scrubs, (y/n) mops, Henning waxes. Lynne and Tomas you dust everything off. Understood?" All of you salute him with a 'yessir' before you watch him exit the room.

You spend most of your morning scolding Nanaba to go faster before you ultimately decide to switch places with her. You want to be over with cleaning, although you have no idea as to why but you do find yourself imagining that Levi sees you cleaning and thinks you're amazing at it and asks you to help him far too many times to count. You end up scolding yourself for that too. Nevertheless, it takes almost half an hour to finish with scrubbing, something you guess would have taken Nanaba eternity and a day.

Any sweat that's falling down your forehead you rub it off with the back of hand before you excuse yourself to a break. Seeing that no one will follow you stroll swiftly down the wooden hallway, with the restrooms in mind. You walk past Mike on the way, whom you greet cheerfully while fast informing him about your break. You're positive he practically smell your bladder is about to burst.

______

Tonight Hange draggs your unwilling piece of meat to dinner. She takes you to her usual table and sits you down amongst higher ranks. Some part of your brain fights you about not taking a stand against it. Your mother has always pressed for you to not enjoy what other in higher hierarchies have. But that's just a wooden fucking table with a stall. The voice in your head can shut it.

"Eat." Hange looks at you with a toothy grin, head tilted in your direction as she a eats a spoonful of her vegetable soup. You still feel an excessive amount of absurd guilt about raising objections so you smile back and stuff a portion of the food in your mouth with the intention of gulping it down as fast as possible. And of course Levi doesn't fail to notice the look of disgust in your face from across the table.

"Eat" Mike orders from Levi's left, gesturing to your plate with his spoon, an awkwardly soft smile plastered on his face. It beats you as to why they've decided to be persistent tonight out of all nights.

"Tch, show some respect to the people who work on your daily food. Drop that disgusted face or take cooking duty for the week."

With a pout in your lips you avert Levi's gaze in anger and overall shame. You lift the bowl containing the soup and you gulp it down as you try to ignore the knot at the back of your throat that threatenes to push back everything if you continue forcing your body to endure this.

Mike seems to be physically scolded to look at you because you see him jump in shock due to the unexpected action towards him for a fragment of a second. He takes no real interest in scolding you however, something that puts pressure on Levi for the matter.

"You just earned yourself cooking duty for the week, keep this up and Mike won't be as lenient as me." He talks sternly as he bores his eyes into yours. The unreadable lack of expression in his face remains intact, as always, but once again you choose to look away.

"Can I be dismissed?" You simply utter while your orbs take turns to look between Hange and Mike.

"Shoo shoo, I'm not pushing you girl" Mike pays little attention to you as he chunks on his bread with his eyes shut. If looks could kill you swear he would have been slashed to death by both Hange and Levi. To your luck of course, they can't, so you sit up from the stall in the most discreet way possible. Hange observes in silence as Levi's eyes follow your form across the room until you take a turn to get lost in the barracks. He then averts his gaze to the bowl of soup in front him for the remaining of his time in the dining hall.

It's one of those nights that you decide not to throw your whole body, face first, onto your bed; you've abused it very much in this way, the last thing you need to is for it to break apart and take down the twin bed on top of it. You sigh deeply before you bring your hands to cover your face in hopes that it will soothe your tingling skin.

Why was that silly little scenario of Levi watching you clean still stuck in your head all day long and why did it keep repeating over and over. To be clear with yourself, you didn't really know.

Your other roommates start flooding the room in a matter of seconds. It's always like that; the come back from dining and they chit chat for a few minutes before some of them go to sleep while others decide on showering before taking their given amount of rest for the night.

"(Y/n) lift your fucking head up you look like a corpse." Nifa, the girl who sleeps on the bed on top yours speaks.

"Not in the mood Nif. I'm sorry."

"You could try and talk to us!" Petra says on response, cutting Nifa off.

"I just don't want to cook for everyone. That's all." You spit a lie that's debatably believable. The girls that starts probing the walls of your stomach almost feels like liquid fire.

Did they really want to know the truth, or would they be disgusted by whatever came out of your mouth. Almost every one in the survey corps had a rough backstory and a purpose, and though you didn't lack of tragic and despair your purpose was pathetic and delusional.

"Look, I hate to see you like that and well you've been that moody way that before that punishment tonight. So spill."

"I don't want to be a burden!"

"Cut the crap." Lynne rhetored as she sat at the end of your bed, pinching your calf.

Well, you're probably annoying them by not letting any one of them in. "My mother died."

A few apologies and condolences are heard in response by the girls around you as they stare at you with oggly pitiful eyes.

"She was horrible and old no need to be sorry, I'm just conflicted on whether I loved her or not. I'm just unfazed but my mind guilt trips me on it." Your words are soft and your gaze fixed on the wooden floor underneath your legs. "I don't want to go into much abusive details, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise!" Petra exclaims from her kneeling position next to you. "It's fine if you don't tell us anything. We shouldn't have pushed you." The girls all nod in response and the mood seems to darken the rooms aura with each silently passing second.

"I thought it was like boy problems" Lynne says as she wraps her right arm around your shoulder and squeezes you on her. Her palms quickly travel straight to your cheeks to poke and squish them in the most humorus way. "Tomas likes me and I avoid him, give me a breeak!"

You can't help but give a muffled giggle out to her. It's almost as if you approve of her little impression of you, and you do, mostly because laughing helps you take a weight off your chest. All girls around you are giggling in their turns with closed eyes, happily narrowed brows and scrunched up noses.

You shouldn't even let yourself be that moody anywayy.

___

To say that Levi is merely perplexing would be an understatement. Because here's the deal; no one could maintain such a straight face while pinning someone down. You're basically a lost cause as you maniacally move your head on the grass to avoid his gaze. Mentally you try to recall what brought you in this position in the first place. Was it because you challenged him to engage in combat or because he was a complete show off, it's beyond you at this point.

"I have your knife."

"What?" Levi looks at you with the tinniest bit of a puzzled impression plastered all over his face. Yet he doesn't get up from you. In the end he can't even know that you feel your skin burning with rage.

"I have your knife, sir. I won" you remark in a tiny little voice from the back of your throat.

"Tch, just because you have the knife doesn't mean your opponent won't attack you or even use that against you." Levi's voice is also calm and steady and even matching your tone in volume. You watch with anticipation as he opens his mouth to speak and when words begin to form he's interrupted.

"Ah sir, I want to spare with you as well!" Petra smiles as she fixes some lose strands of hair behind her ears.

Deciding to spend anymore time on this position on top of you, Levi pushes your wrists on the ground once again before completely getting off of you. You realise he's taken the dummy knife him, something he probably did in the blink of an eye. Of course he'd make his point whatever it took.

Training has stripped your stomach of the fullness that breakfast has secured you with and now you can hear the organ growl angrily inside your body. Having spent a week as the survey corps cook as a punishment has also worked wonders for your little appetite, because it physically drained you to the bone. You don't even know where to start about that unexpected shenanigan.

Unbeknownst to you, Nanaba and Lynne roll their eyes at your blanked expression. "Wall Maria to (y/n)? Hello? Is anyone in there?" An inpatient Lynne knocks a little too loud at the side of your head. Nifa laughs at the sight as well.

"Ohhh, I am." You whine. "Also ouch! I'm just not in my right head!"

"You uhm... mean piece of mind?" A few pieces of bread fall out of Nanaba's hand as she stuffs her mouth. It only takes a while to come up with a line to say to excuse your absurdness.

It's not that you want to feel that way about Levi or that you choose to either. It's probably an outcome of fatigue and a tiny infatuation that rule your mind like an empire that's about to fall. Levi's handsome, there's no denying in that, you've thought so ever since you set your eyes on him but he was ten years older than you and pretty much uninterested to almost everything. Maybe it's that you hoped he could look at you with the same enthusiasm that made you feel like you had a crush.

In reality you believe that these are pretty much lame reasons and Nanaba especially will laugh at you. 'Do you even have a reason to have a crush on someone?' Ugh, you can literally listen to her.

"Hmm, sorry I can't seem to communicate today. Might as well share." You decide it's not polite to keep things to yourself when others are trying to care for you. "Well it's that-"

"Do you guys find the Captain handsome?"

As always thanks for reading 👉❤️👈 if you have any request you can pop one in my askbox. Feedback is always appreciated, I really love seeing your opinions, they keep me motivated. I adore you guys

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman imagine #levi attack on titan #aot imagines #snk #aot #attack on Titan #shingeki no kyojin #rivaille ackerman #rivaille #fluff #slow burn #levi x y/n

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moonlightchild-otome · 4 years

Text

Ikemen Vampire - Jean d’Arc Route Summary Chapter 10

here is the tenth chapter!

to clarify again, I’m not very good at japanese so if anything is wrong or weirdly translated everything is on me.

of course there is going to be some spoilers so do not read if you don’t wish to know jean’s story yet.

*also little bonus at the end about Jeanne d’Arc real story! of course you don’t have to read it to understand his route in the game but it’s very interesting :)*

The Count tells MC the history of the war between France and England, also known as the Hundred Years’ War...

【 Comte 】 Jean was a soldier who led the French army during the Hundred Years War.

Jean fights for his country, France and defeats the English army. Jean d’Arc, soon after the defeat of the enemy, becomes a true hero for his people.

However, such glory won’t last for Jean :( 'The most tragic end of the world's heroes', as they say.

In the course of the battle, Jean was captured as a prisoner of war by the enemy. The King didn’t want to help him for some reason. 😡

And of course... 🙄

【 Comte 】 Jean was convicted of heresy and it has been decided that he would be sentenced to fire.

After Jean's death, the king ordered a re-examination of his treason and found him to be innocent, and he went down as a hero of France.

The fact that Jean never knew went down as a hero after his death and this won’t change the fact that he died as an innocent. The protagonist is angry because it doesn't make any sense.

From the bottom of my stomach, I feel a mixture of anger and frustration.

Here, the MC asks the Count a question. “Why did he bring him back to life after such a death?”

There's something different about the Count returning the great men of the mansion and Jean.

The MC wonders if Jean really wanted the Count to bring him back to life. Before the Count can answer, Jean appears, interrupts him, takes the MC by the arm and leads her away.

【 Jean 】 One look at this man's face is enough. I don't like it. Let's go, woman.

As soon as they arrived in the library, Jean seems to have calmed down a little lets go of the MC's arm.

The protagonist apologises for trying to find out about his past without his permission, but Jean says that's okay. Jean says it's okay, because his life has been written about in books anyway. However, he says that he doesn't want the Count to tell her about it.

【 Jean 】 ...It's not enough to say I hate it, it's too much.

Jean says that he is not a hero and that he is no different from the children's book he used to read, The Ugly Duckling.

it hurts me so much that this is the way he perceives himself when he deserves all the love in the world </3

Jean's gaze fell on the book 'The Ugly Duckling', which was still on the table.

That’s it for chapter 10!

here is some real background info about the real Jeanne d’Arc! She is such a brave and interesting historical figure. The epitome of a real badass, fearless and powerful woman.

so, the hundred years' war, if we summarize as much as possible is a series of armed conflicts that began in 1337. which opposes the kingdom of france and the kingdom of england.

in 1328 at the death of king charles iv, the question arises as to who will inherit the french crown.

one then has the choice between the cousin of the preceding king philippe de valois and edward iii the king of england who by his mother isabelle is also a descendant of the french throne.

you can imagine putting an english king on the french throne, wasn’t seen very well.

edward not happy, which led to a succession crisis, which lead to the hundred years' war.

obviously this conflict, quickly overcomes a simple succession crisis.

it's a mess.

what you have to remember, is that the english are gradually invading part of the kingdom of france.

in 1415, after the battle of azincourt and the english victory, the english king henry v controls much of the north of the kingdom of france, including paris for that matter.

but it is far from being the only concern.

what you have to keep in mind is that the king of france at the time, charles vi, is reached at rather regular intervals of madness.

this obviously prevents him from administering the kingdom properly.

as a result, in parallel with the conflict with the english, a real civil war breaks out.

to find out who between his son the heir charles and his cousin the duke of burgundy will be able to take back the reins of the kingdom; the duke of burgundy is supported by the burgundians who will end up allying themselves with the english and the son of the king the heir charles is supported by the armagnacs.

but during this time, charles is betrayed by his own father who disinherits his son and after his death, gives the crown to the english.

i warned you that it was really messy.

and it is in this incredible mess that our jeanne arrives.

and where exactly does jeanne come from? from domremy.

she is also often called the virgin of orleans.

she is associated with the city of reims, but jeanne was originally born in domremy.

and where exactly is this place? domremy is this little town to the west of the city of the vosges department, on the banks of the meuse river.

isn't it pretty?

this is jeanne's birth house,

she would have been born around 1412. the building classified as a historical monument since 1840 includes in addition to a cellar, three large rooms originally used to house the whole family, her parents and four siblings.

according to jeanne's trial, it is here that she would have learned to sew or weave which were two occupations of the young girls of the time.

her father was a ploughman, so she often had to look after the animals.

and since she is very pious she spent a lot of time praying.

she went on pilgrimage at least once a week, for example in the notre dame de bermont chapel, about three kilometres (as the crow flies) from her birth house.

and jeanne d’arc, as you may have guessed, wasn't always called jeanne d’arc.

no, in history she has had different names and official nicknames.

there are of course the best known ones: the virgin of orleans, jeanne the virgin or even just the virgin and in the vicinity of domremy she was also called the jeannette de rommée, in connection with her mother's name. she has even signed several letters with the name jehanne.

and it's even more complicated if you're interested in her surname “d'arc”.

which was originally written darc, without the apostrophe. here again there have been many variations, and i'll mention a few of them: tarc, dars, darx and even d'ailly or daly according to the phonetic transcription of her name, with a lorraine accent. from there we move on to duly, then du lys.

when the king ennobled jeanne and her family, it is written on the deed, la dame du lys in reference to the royal coat of arms.

this is the magnificent bois-chenu basilica, which was built between 1880 and 1940 in honour of jeanne.

and for the record, this incredible basilica was sometimes considered to be the place where jeanne would have heard voices.

however if we refer to the trial, it is in her father's garden, near the house, that jeanne would have started hearing voices, celestial calls, coming from saint catherine of st. margaret's and the archangel saint michael.

the divine mission entrusted to her was very “simple”.

she was only commanded to be a cavalier, to cross a kingdom occupied by the english to go and find the future charles vii and convince him that she is the one sent from heaven.

to help him to take his place on the throne by her coronation in reims.

to show him how to liberate the kingdom of france, of the english presence.

it seems to be an easy enough mission for me. 😅 (nope)

so obviously you can imagine that the people didn't take her seriously right away. it took a few years before she managed to convince the world that she wasn't completely crazy.

- jeanne?

- yes?

- this is the voice.

- is someone talking to me?

- you are the chosen one, jeanne, join me.

- yes, i'm coming.

- i hope you like human barbecue. (ok i'll stop :/)

how is the legend of jeanne forged? how does one go from being a peasant girl eager to help, to jeanne of arc, heroine of the kingdom of france?

this is le centre d’interprétation (the interpretation centre), which is just behind jeanne of arc's birth house and retraces her youth and adventures.

her journey is incredible, at 17 years old, jeanne can't stand not doing anything anymore, she has been hearing voices urging her to act for four years now.

so she decides to return to the châtellenie de vaucouleurs, to meet captain robert de baudricourt, one of the king's faithful followers and after several vicissitudes, she manages to convince him. it wasn't easy, i remind you that her main point was that she hears voices. but yeah, he finally agrees to send her with an escort, join the heirn in chinon.

the journey is quite long and above all risky, we are talking about more than 500 kilometres and in this period of turmoil, the dangers were quite present especially if you look at the map, one realizes that the small expedition crosses areas not controlled by the enemy coalition.

fortunately, everything went well for jeanne, who arrives at her destination on march 1429 and gets an audience with the heir two days later. he was quite suspicious of this young woman at first, who claims to hear divine voices but according to the story she made a revelation to him that we don't know which eventually convinced him.

for the entourage of the suitor of the throne, it's not that simple and you can understand them, betting on jeanne is a little bit like a poker game. so they insist that she will be given a few interrogations, she is questioned about her life, about her morals and finally confidence is established, she is equipped with military equipment. she then undergoes mini combat trainings and here we go, her dream is about to come true, she joins a supply convoy in blois and on april 22nd, with more than 4000 men, she is headed for orléans.

the arrival of jeanne of arc changes many things.

her faith, her confidence in victory gives hope to the soldiers and to the inhabitants, who are filled with new energy. they manage to win in less than 10 days, 10 days and the english are obliged to give up their plan, which consisted of taking the city and then attacking the south of the loire.

jeanne who comes out of this battle with this image as a victorious, ultra badass woman and just earned her nickname... la pucelle d'orléans (the virgin of orleans).

thanks to her victory in orleans, jeanne thus becomes a kind of national heroine. she represents by her fame and her qualities, a not insignificant asset for the heir in his fight against the english and the burgundians.

but what makes a real difference is less her qualities as a war strategist and more her ability to charm and to galvanise the troops and the inhabitants along the way.

it's quite simple, before jeanne's arrival, the english had a reputation for never losing their invincibility.

and jeanne achieves the feat of restoring confidence in a possible victory.

it gives the impression to the troops that they are going to receive a kind of divine help and it changes everything in the soldiers' minds, all the more so because before her arrival there was a prophecy, who said that a virgin would help defeat the english so when jeanne arrives, everyone thought "it's ok, we're saved"!

jeanne persuades the future king to start a ride to reims who is in the middle of enemy territory, to be crowned.

jeanne thus succeeded in carrying out one of the following missions which were supposedly entrusted to her by the voices she hears; in other words, since she has succeeded, she is necessarily an envoy of god, and that for the mood of the troops, it makes a huge difference.

unfortunately after the time of victories comes the time of defeats.

after the coronation, the king and jeanne no longer really agree. she is convinced that her mission is to keep the english out of france.

the king, for his part, is longing for a little rest.

for example, he does not feel at all capable of taking back paris, while jeanne, a little bit stubborn, goes there anyway and suffers a failure.

on top of that she is wounded, she gets a crossbow arrow in her thigh, moreover, she breaks her sword which had for all victories...

it's a bad sign.

some people think that the virgin is abandoned by god. some time later jeanne went to compiègne, a city besieged by the burgundians and by some english contingents and once again it goes wrong, she is taken prisoner in may 1430, by the burgundians.

she tried to escape, but all her attempts failed and in november of the same year, she was sold to the english. jeanne is then taken to the castle of rouen, where members of the church judge her for heresy.

the trial was to say that charles vii was crowned thanks to a witch, she is also blamed for everything and anything, for dressing in men's clothing,

for deferring directly to god's judgement without going through the church, for hearing the voices of demons and not of saints.

jeanne really plays her life on each of her answers, in addition, she faces accusers totally committed to the english cause on her own when she was only 19 years old.

moreover, the witnesses are obviously not chosen at random, everyone who could speak up for jeanne is under pressure. everything is being done to ensure that she is condemned. finally, she ends up at the stake, on the market square, and we make sure there's nothing left of her body, to prevent it from being turned into holy relics.

and then after the end of the hundred years' war, i.e. almost 25 years later, the church reverses this first court decision. king charles vii wants to wash away the insult that was done to him through this trial and he pushes jeanne's family to ask for a review. pope calixtus iii agreed and jeanne was rehabilitated in 1456. the investigations carried out are more serious, many of jeanne's contemporaries jostle to plead in her favour and even people who had once spoken badly of her finally return to saying good things about her.

the first judgement is broken and the young woman's memory is rehabilitated.

an unusual little fact in the end - many people have not been able to admit that the story of the virgin ends up on a pyre. for them it was impossible, this story was too beautiful, this too extraordinary woman.

and it went far enough that people found stories of women, who a few years later claimed to be the real jeanne.

just imagine them saying stuff like "oh yeah, yeah it's me i didn't burn at all, my face has changed a little bit but it's me, i assure you, believe me, really".

a certain claude des armoises is said to have pretended to be her, in the metz region. after having acquired a certain renown, having been given gifts by former relatives of jeanne; she even went so far as to meet two of the virgin's brothers, who (hold on because it's completely insane) believed her.

they really believed it was their own sister who had died at the stake.

it's a crazy story!

well, we don't really know if they really believed it, or if one pretends to believe it for financial reasons for example.

in any case, this woman, who was talked about everywhere, is unmasked by the king himself, so that this fraud can be stopped.

in the end, i find this story quite unusual.

here are the friends!

i hope it wasn’t too long to read (it probably was) and that you have learned two, three little things on our dear jeanne d’arc. after all, she is one of the most famous women in history!

#ikemen #ikemen games #ikemen series #ikemen spoilers #Ikemen Vampire #ikemen jean #IkeVamp #ikevamp jean #Jean #Jean D'arc #jean route #ikemen vampire jean #jeanne d'arc #history #france #my translation #jean all chapters

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starlit-scarlet · 3 years

Text

Chapter 10

The Trio-Part 6

Word Count: ~8k

Please see my note regarding this fic here.

Starved Menu

The trip back to the festival Isa spent mostly in silence, as the group enjoyed the remaining moments of their temporary freedom from responsibility. Isa herself was content in simply relishing in the company of her friends as she listened to Hange and Isabel chatter away.

Those two are so similar, it’s no wonder they get along.

She noticed that Furlan kept glancing her way, and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

Is he thinking about the other night when he and Levi both saved me from Derek? Is he worried that Derek will try something again, maybe on the expedition tomorrow? Is he maybe worried that something else will happen?

It’s definitely a possibility. The majority of these expeditions results in a large amount of loss. I have first-hand experience with that.

Why does he keep looking at me?

She sent him a questioning look and was amazed when he simply looked away, the faintest pink tinging his cheeks.

Isa wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, so she brushed it off to being in the sun for too long. Perhaps his skin hadn’t adjusted yet after living in the Underground for so long.

She moved Luna next to him. “You alright there Furlan?

He jolted, not having expected her to move beside him. “Y-yea.” He cleared his throat. “I mean, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Just curious, you seem a little off.”

He gave a nervous laugh. “Just thinking about the expedition tomorrow.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“No, just a bit nervous I guess.”

She raised her hand and hesitated, before placing it on his shoulder. When he tensed, she just assumed he wasn't used to people touching him. “I can’t tell you that it’s going to be okay. Anything can happen out there. All I can really tell you, is listen to your squad leader, and don’t do anything stupid. Even though Flagon is a giant asshole, he’s not going to risk your lives out of spite.” Isa didn't want to admit that she was worried as well, knowing it wouldn't make him feel any better. She focused on reassuring him instead.

He gave her a kind smile, but his eyes were unreadable to her. “Thanks, don’t worry, we won’t do anything stupid.”

“Good.” She smiled warmly at him, missing the way he swallowed when she did.

By the time they arrived to base, night had fallen and Isa made her way up onto the roof. The day out had left her both exhausted and energized, and she wasn’t yet ready to sleep.

Sleep meant the time would pass. The faster time would pass, the sooner the day would be over, the sooner the expedition would come.

She wasn’t ready for the day to be over with.

As she sat, silently enjoying the night, Furlan came to join her. She was surprised at how close she’d grown with him since he'd joined. He’d helped her in more ways than she’d ever expected, between coming to grips with Lucy’s death to understanding Levi to protecting her when Derek tried to assault her.

She smiled at him. “You feeling any better about tomorrow?”

“A bit.”

Isa could tell there was still something on Furlan’s mind.

“I hope you know, that after an expedition, the superiors have us clean the entire base, top to bottom.”

Nothing, no reaction.

She turned her head to look at him. “Hey, you alright?”

He turned to look at her. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

She nudged him with her shoulder. “Well you’ve been awfully quiet since you came up here. Hell, I brought up cleaning just to test you, and you didn’t even flinch like you normally do.”

He gave a mirthless smile. “…I guess you could say I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“Is it about the expedition? As long as you guys follow orders and don’t do anything stupid, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

He looked at her, eyes serious. “You know you can’t guarantee that.”

“I know, but I don’t want you to stress. Stress leads to overthinking, and that’s the last thing you want to do out there.”

Furlan grew quiet at that.

She chewed at her lip. “Is it something I can help you with?”

“I just…I think I want to stay in the scouts.”

That took her by surprise. “What do you mean? You guys have already joined.”

What does he mean by that? Is he not officially a scout yet? Are the higher ups waiting to see how they perform first before fully instating them in the Scouts?

He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “It’s not really something I can go into too much detail on, but just know, whatever happens tomorrow, I fully plan to stay in the scouts.” He looked at her, eyes as serious as she’d ever seen. “And just remember this…we’ve always done what we had to do to survive, to get out of the Underground.”

Her brows furrowed in concern as she took in his words. “…Sounding super cryptic there, but alright.”

Furlan looked relieved at that. “And there’s one other thing.”

Isa looked at him with a raised brow. “And what might that be.”

He looked to have an internal debate about what his next words would be. To Isa’s surprise, instead of speaking, he leaned in and grazed his lips across hers.

Isa was stunned. She’d never expected, never thought, that a man would want her, not in this way. All those sharp barbs from when she was younger had long since been firmly rooted inside her, keeping her constantly engulfed in self-doubt.

She hadn’t been kissed since that first night when Derek tried to take advantage of her, but this was Furlan, her friend. She hadn’t even known he wanted to do this. Hadn’t known he felt this way.

Did she feel the same as him? This kiss was different than that one, almost asking permission to even be doing so. Where Derek had tried to take what was never offered, Furlan was silently asking if she was even alright with this. His hand had come up to lay gently on her cheek, fingers stroking ever so lightly.

She was, but she didn’t feel anything. She would have thought she would feel some sort of heat or rush. That’s what you’re supposed to feel when you’re kissed right? She thought she would have felt the same feelings coursing through her as she did whenever she was around Levi.

Furlan seemed to notice that Isa wasn’t responding, and he pulled back, giving her a sad smile. “It’s him isn’t it.”

It wasn’t a question and Isa didn’t need to clarify who Furlan was referring to, but that didn’t mean she was ready to verbally acknowledge this, she had yet to even admit it to herself. “What? N-no…I don’t know—"

Seeing through her, he gently cut her off, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Look, don’t worry about it. I just…didn’t want to go out there tomorrow and potentially die without letting you know…how I feel. And well, I’m not always very good with words. Better than Levi, but still. I felt that showing you would speak more than my words could ever say. We can’t control who we want, so don’t worry about it.”

Not wanting to answer him, not even knowing how, she pulled him back in for another kiss, desperate to try. Desperate to feel something for someone who actually wanted her. Desperate to feel something other than the confusing emotions that piled up in her when she merely thought of Levi. She thought maybe if she kissed him again, and meant it this time, something would light up inside her, a flicker, the smallest ember, something. And even if she didn’t feel anything in return, she was also desperate to give him something, just in case.

She didn’t know what would happen tomorrow, so she was willing to give him this.

When her lips met his, she heard him gasp, surprised by her movements, but he quickly recovered. An unsteady hand made its way up to her head, gently tangling itself into her hair, pulling her ever closer. His lips were tender as they moved over hers, and when his tongue gently requested entry, she opened to him, allowing him to further deepen the kiss.

She had no idea what she was doing, and she was afraid of messing up. Furlan was the first person she’d ever willingly kissed, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. She just followed him as he guided her, held her as if she were something precious to him. His other hand had come up to gently lay at her waist, a subtle weight that barely registered.

His lips were soft. That was the first thing she noticed. She hadn’t expected a man’s lips to be so smooth. Sure, they looked that way, but looking at something and feeling it were two completely different things.

She had thought that she would feel something, some kind of warmth, electricity, a spark, something. Furlan’s kiss was gentle, soothing, sweet, just like the man himself. Yet she didn’t feel the rush that she felt simply from being around Levi.

The kiss was nice. But that was it. Nice. No sparks, no feelings, no overwhelming desire. Nothing.

When he pulled back a second time, he gave her another small smile, eyes full of sadness but also, understanding. “I know, it’s okay.” His hand gently brushed the hair from her face, before grazing his fingertips along her cheek.

Leaning back, he accepted that she was not his to touch, not his to hold, not in the way he wanted. Whatever way she needed him, he was happy to be that for her. He would do whatever he could to protect her, for whatever time he had left.

She groaned in frustration and confusion, burying her face in her hands. “I just…why can’t I want this? You accepted me with no problem. This would be far easier.”

It was just her luck that she didn’t want him. Because here was someone who finally wanted her, the way she’d always dreamed but never dared to hope. But she didn’t feel the same. Life could be so cruel sometimes.

He draped an arm over her shoulder, as he’d done so many times in the past, providing her a simple comfort. “Like I said, we can’t control who we do or don’t want.”

“But I don’t even know what I want or if I want anything from…him.”

He paused, gathering his thoughts. “Levi…he’s had it rough, for reasons I can’t share. He cares more about others than he lets on. Just…if something happens between you two…don’t hurt him. He’ll do just about anything for someone he cares about, and being betrayed by someone he cares for kills him inside.”

Isa gave a small chuckle. “I bet he would kill you if he heard you saying that.”

“Oh most definitely.”

“Furlan…” He hummed in response. “I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arm around her tighter, pulling her close. “Don’t worry about it. Some things just aren’t meant to be. If it’s any consolation, I think you would be good for him.”

She let her head rest against her friend’s shoulder, a warm comfort settling over her. “I don’t know how I feel about him. It’s…confusing. Even still…I don’t think he would ever want someone like me."

He pulled her back, giving her a serious look. “Don’t say that. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

She gave him a meek smile and looked down at the ground below, avoiding his eyes. “There are things you don’t know about me, and I think if you did, you wouldn’t be so quick to say that.”

He gently took her chin in his hand, raising her head so her gaze could meet his. “Isa, listen to me. I’m no stranger to having to do what’s needed to survive. I can assure you, nothing in your past is going to top anything in ours. We’re not going to judge you.” His eyes were earnest, emphasizing that he meant what he said. “And Levi would be the least likely to judge anyone for shitty things in their past. I’m going to give you one little secret about him. He’s the type of person where loyalty goes a long way. If you can show him you’re loyal and trustworthy, then nothing else matters.”

She snuggled back up against him, eyes drooping. “Thanks Furlan. I know you say you’re not good with words, but you always know what to say to make me feel better.”

“One other thing. I…I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow.”

She gave a sleepy yawn. “None of us do.”

“Just…let me get this out. If something happens to me or Isabel, or both of us, don’t give up on Levi. I need to know that he won’t be alone.”

“If I survive, then yes, I promise.” And with that, she let the exhaustion take her, and fell asleep, resting on her friend’s shoulder.

Neither of them ever noticed the dark figure lurking in the shadows behind them, watching them, seething, plotting.

~ - ~

The next morning, Isa awoke in her bed.

That’s odd, wasn’t I on the roof last night? Did Furlan carry me here?

She was still torn over their kiss. She wished that she had felt something. It would have been so much easier that way, to want someone who wanted her.

And yet her thoughts still strayed to Levi.

What did Ethel call him? An enigma? A mystery. Is that why my thoughts are constantly drawn to him? Why I find myself watching him in training? Out on the grounds? In the mess hall?

Feeling ridiculous considering that it was the day of an expedition, Isa shoved the thoughts of Levi out of her head, forcing herself to get up and start preparing.

She went through the same routine as she had the first expedition, making sure to spend extra time preparing Luna.

All too soon, it was time to join the other scouts so that they could head out. Now seated astride Luna, she guided her to stand beside Hange and her horse. Even though the two of them were on different squads, she enjoyed riding beside her until they reached the gates.

They rode in silence as the scouts made their way to the gates of Shiganshina. Isa appreciated that Hange wasn’t talking. She loved her friend dearly, but right now, she needed quiet.

She was nervous about this expedition, worried. Her first expedition was not a good one, and the memory of Lucy dying still weighed heavily on her mind.

Who else will I lose? Will I die?

A dark cloud began to form over Isa's head.

She knew her squad mates were strong, but anything goes outside the walls, especially in the first expedition. She remembered the week before her first, how they’d been told that most new recruits don’t survive their first one, but their chances of survival for future ventures increase if they manage to make it through the first.

She’d managed to survive the first one somehow, yet she knew that still didn’t make her untouchable.

And what about the three new recruits? This was their first expedition. Sure, all three of them were beyond talented and skilled, but even the most elite scouts had fallen in the past.

What if I’m doomed to watch everyone I care about die?

Before she knew it, they’d arrived at the gates. Her stomach was in knots, and she turned to face Hange.

“Hange.” Her friend turned her head to meet Isa’s eyes. “Be careful out there.”

Hange gave Isa small smile. “You too.”

She faced forward once more, and willed her stomach to loosen. As the sound of clanking and spinning gears filled the air, the commander gave another speech, in an attempt to boost morale. She let the words fill her, trying to push past her fear.

When the commander shouted ‘move out,’ she nudged Luna forward, taking her place with her squad as they rode through the gates.

She looked beside her and saw Levi staring up as the sky unfolded before him. His eyes had widened, jaw dropping ever so slightly.

Her breath caught in her throat from the sheer beauty of seeing his handsome face so mesmerized. It had lost its normally neutral expression, and it reminded her of that first night so long ago, when they’d first watched the sunset. Except even then, his face hadn’t held that almost serene look she saw on it now.

The wonder in his face made him look infinitely younger, the hard lines it was normally set in having faded away.

He’s breathtaking.

She flushed as the unexpected thought appeared in her mind out of nowhere and flushed even harder when she realized how long she’d been staring.

Hoping that no one had noticed she faced forward.

Focus Isa, you’re literally outside the wall where death can happen at anytime, and you’re sitting here staring at him. Have you no shame?

Despite her embarrassment, she chuckled to herself at Isabel’s excitement when she heard her call out ‘whoa, amazing!’

Isa remembered how it felt the first time she rode through the gates, and she imagined similar sensations were running through them. Levi’s softly murmured ‘it’s not bad’ held thinly veiled amazement.

She had to admit, the colors surrounding them were spectacular. The bright oranges, reds, and yellows filling the trees up ahead were framed by the brilliant, bright blue of the sky. The colors of the fallen leaves painted the ground surrounding the trees.

You have a point Isabel.

Amazing.

Of course, Sairam had to ruin the moment with his usual attitude. Isa had to hold back a harsh retort when he yelled at them, telling them that a few Underground punks don’t stand a chance. She got where he was coming from when he said that even elites had fallen. It was true. But he could have been less of an asshole about it.

Then again…it was Sairam. Isa didn’t think he knew how not to be an asshole.

She laughed when Isabel told him that if she beats the titans, then that would make her better than the elites. She loved her spunky nature and how she never held back.

As they rode past a grove of trees, a titan appeared out of nowhere. She watched as a group of scouts went to take care of this one, and when the second titan appeared from behind it, her skin prickled.

Something is different about this one.

When the titan failed to follow the scouts attempting to lure it away from the supply wagons, it hit Isa.

This one is an abnormal! Shit!

She watched as a group of scouts were taken out trying to slay the titan.

A rush of fear ran through her as she watched Levi, Isabel, and Furlan dash towards the abnormal.

No! Wait! What are you doing! Flagon didn’t tell you to go! Didn’t you see that titan just take out those scouts?

She wanted to cry out for them to come back, but she reeled it in, not wanting to distract them. The slightest distraction can be fatal when approaching a titan. Besides, she needed to stay on course with the rest of the scouts and trust that they would be alright.

Despite telling herself to trust them, the heavy cloud above her stayed ever present.

When the trio rejoined them, she released a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding.

They made it.

The dark cloud above Isa only grew as they rode on, her stomach twisting in knots. Thankfully, the rest of the ride to the castle ruins was quiet. Except, this only succeeded in making Isa more antsy, more on edge. In that first expedition, it was also quiet the majority of the first day, and then chaos hit on day two.

What if something happens tomorrow? Or even tonight? Sure titans generally don’t move at night, but what if there’s an abnormal that does? Anything goes, anything can happen out here. Last time we were surrounded early in the morning. What if that happens again?

Later that night, Isa had found a room on the second floor of the castle, away from everyone else, where she sat herself against the wall for some quiet. She was furiously writing in her journal, consumed by the emotions coursing through her.

Ever since they’d left Shiganshina, the dark cloud above her had only grown when she watched her friends take on that titan without even thinking about it. It had been festering all day, to the point where it was consuming her entire being.

She’d never felt worry and fear like this before. Was it worse because she now knew what it was to lose a comrade to a titan? Watch them get devoured?

Losing someone as an adult is different from losing someone as a child.

So absorbed in her journal, she didn’t notice when Furlan stepped into the room. She jolted when he sat down next to her and looked up to meet his worried eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” Her voice cracked a little at the word, but she was determined to hold it in, despite the fact that there were fissures forming in the barrier holding back her tears.

She looked back down at her journal, not wanting him to see the turbulent distress in her eyes.

A gentle hand turned her head back to look at him.

“If something is bothering you, you can tell me. It’s okay to lean on a friend sometimes.” The concern in his face threatened to break her.

“H-how can you still want to help me?” Her lip quivered as she spoke, voice trembling.

A gentle thumb stroked her cheek, wiping away a lone tear that had slipped past her wall. “Just because you don’t feel the same for me, doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being your friend. What kind of person would I be if I did that?”

What did I do to deserve a friend like this? To deserve any of them?

Every bit of grief she’d tried to hold back, all the anxieties, her insecurities had accumulated over time to the point where she could no longer hide it.

The dam burst, and she threw her arms around him, burying her face in his neck as she sobbed.

“I’m just afraid. Losing Lucy was hard. I…I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose anyone else. All of you, Hange, Isabel, you, even Levi in some way, Sherri, even though she hates me, all of you mean too much to me. I don’t know if I can take it if I lose anyone else. Anything can happen out here.”

Isa could tell that Furlan was clearly taken aback and wasn’t sure what to do, in the way he awkwardly moved his arms around her in a loose hug, but she couldn’t pull back now. Having reached her breaking point, the tears poured out of her, months of pent-up fear, worry, frustration, loss flooded out of her.

She hadn’t cried like this since the day she’d gone to Lucy’s grave and Hange had held her, but even then, the emotions she felt then paled in comparison to the waves now crashing through her.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, sobbing into her friend’s neck. He’d gained some confidence and had wrapped his arms tighter around her, now stroking her back lightly, offering her whatever comfort he could.

She pulled back and looked at Furlan, her friend. Oh, how she wished she could return his feelings.

Adding guilt to the mix didn’t help.

He met her eyes, unsure of what to say to comfort her. “I can’t tell you that we won’t die tomorrow, no one knows that. But you’re strong, I know you are. You’ll pull through it if something happens.”

She sniffled. “How can you be so sure?”

He took a cloth from his pocket, using it to gently wipe at her tear-stained face. “Because I’ve seen it. That time when I found you in the stables, even though you were upset, you still managed to get through the day. That day, when we went to the festival, you still managed to laugh, despite everything you’ve been through. You’re a fighter, like Isabel, like Levi, like me.”

She looked into his calm gray eyes, and desperately wished that she could feel something. All she felt was a comforting warmth, the same she felt around Hange or Isabel, the kind felt around close friends.

Her eyes threatened to well again. “Furlan, I’m so sorry. I wish I could give you what you want.”

He sat her comfortably on his lap and just held her close. “Stop apologizing, it’s okay. Whatever way you need me, I’m here for you.” He grabbed his cloak and laid it gently on her.

“But it’s not fair to you.”

“You’ve given me more than I could have ever hoped for.” He stroked her hair. “Sleep now.”

Too exhausted to question what he said, she allowed herself to drift off in the comfort of her friend’s arms.

~ - ~

The next morning, Isa felt somewhat embarrassed at having broken down in Furlan’s arms. Not only that, but the immense guilt she felt in how willing he’d been to be there for her, however she needed. She didn’t know a person could do that when they felt something more for a friend. She would have thought he wouldn’t want anything else to do with her after she’d rejected him.

He’d held her all through the night, and that couldn’t have been comfortable.

‘Whatever way you need me, I’m here for you.’

How can a person want more from someone and be willing to accept so little?

Isabel came up to Isa, breaking her from her thoughts.

Isa was immediately concerned to see she had a serious expression on her face, more serious than Isa had ever seen.

“Isabel, are you alright?”

The girl seemed to think hard about what she was going to say next.

“Isa, I don’t know what’s going to happen today, or if Furlan and I will survive. I know that Levi will, he’s so strong, the strongest person I’ve ever met, but I worry about him if something were to happen to us. Can you promise me something?” Isabel's brows were furrowed in concentration and worry.

“Of course.”

“Can you promise not to give up on him? I know he’s not the easiest to be around, but that’s just because of everything that’s happened in his past. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, he cares a lot about others. Just, watch out for him, please.”

“I promise. But you guys are going to be fine.” She knew she shouldn’t say something like that, no one knows what’s going to happen outside the wall. But she wanted to soothe the girl’s worries. She seemed so distraught at the thought of Levi being alone, and it was so unlike her. “I’ve seen you guys train, and you three are really strong. But if it makes you feel better, I promise that I won’t leave him alone, no matter how hard he tries to push me away.”

Isabel's arms crossed tight in front of her, as if trying to warm herself from the chill that came from fear. “I just worry, because Bro isn’t exactly the type to go seek out comfort. If something happens to us, he’s going to rein it in and lock it up tight, like he does with everything else.”

Isa gave her friend a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, if I survive this, and he’s the only one left, I won’t abandon him.”

Isabel wrapped her arms tight around Isa. “Thanks Sis.”

Soon, it was time to move out to their next destination. Isa rode alongside Sofia and Ingrid, the three young women constantly monitoring for the appearance of titans. Levi, Isabel, and Furlan, were somewhere up ahead of them. Derek, Sairam, and Flagon somewhere towards her left.

After maybe half an hour of riding since leaving the castle, Isa noticed a giant storm cloud in their path.

That cannot be good.

It didn’t take long for the rain to fall from the clouds, dousing everyone.

Shit, this is the worst possible thing to happen outside the walls. With such a low range of visibility, we won’t see the titans until they’re right on top of us!

It didn’t help that the flares weren’t working, as the colored smoke did nothing more but wisp away in the rain.

How long until we run into titans?

Almost as soon as she thought that, a titan appeared in front of her, poking its head through the fog and rain, a sinister grin on its face. As Isa cried out in surprise, Luna reared up, throwing Isa off of her before bolting.

Normally the horses held up well around titans, but this had taken the mare completely off guard, not having expected it, and she’s still an animal, and animals have instincts to flee from unexpected danger.

As Isa fell to the ground, the breath knocking out of her, a crashing realization hit Isa.

They were surrounded. With the pouring rain, her worst fear had been confirmed. No one had noticed the swarm of titans heading their way until it was too late.

Looking around, she noticed that someone had taken care of the titan in front of her, leaving it to steam away in the rain. She saw that Flagon’s squad was one of many trying to fight off the horde, but she noticed they were missing some members, making it more difficult than it should be.

Where the hell are Furlan, Isabel, and Levi? Where did they go? Did something happen? I haven’t seen them since we left the castle.

Isa didn’t have much time to wonder for her friend’s safety given the current situation. She was alone. The others were occupied with trying to stay alive. And there was another titan heading her way that she needed to take care of. Now. The lack of trees made it difficult to find a place to hook onto.

She only had herself to rely on in this moment. As horrifying as that seemed, she needed to shove that fear aside if she wanted to live.

She decided that her best course of action would be to slice the heels, like she had in that first expedition.

Back after that first expedition, she had asked Sofia about this maneuver, and her comrade had made a good point. When you’re out on the field without any trees or buildings, it’s difficult to maneuver up to the titan’s neck, especially if they’re swinging their arms. Slicing their heels brings them down to a level where the scouts can more easily get to the nape.

It’s dangerous, but Isa didn’t have much choice.

She made quick work of slicing through the heels, followed by the nape, finishing the beast.

As she landed, she looked up to see Isabel and Furlan rejoining them, entering the fray of titans surrounding them. A rush of relief flooded her followed by concern when she noticed that Levi was missing.

Why isn’t he with them? Did they get separated?

She watched as Furlan’s horse was startled by a titan that appeared out of nowhere in front of him. The stallion fell to the ground, landing on top of Furlan, trapping him underneath its body. As she watched the titan reach its hand down for his struggling form, she started running, in a desperate attempt to reach him in time.

No…please no.

Looking on, she watched as Isabel flew in, a red-headed blur, attempting to save her dear friend.

~ - ~

Isabel looks on at the scene unfolding in front of her. Anger fills her small body as she watches the titan reach down to grab the man she’s come to love as a brother. One of the best men she’s ever known.

That’s her brother. One of the few people who’s ever been there for her. She can count on one hand the number of people she can depend on, and Levi and Furlan are always first.

She’s lost track of the number of times those two have saved her. Saved her from herself. From others. From everything.

Like hell if she’s going to sit here and watch him die when she can do something about. If Levi is still out there hunting for Erwin and those damned documents, then she’ll take his place and save everyone.

A flood of determination pours through her body spurring her to move forward. She’ll take it upon herself to do what Levi would do. She swiftly flies through the air, slicing the fingers off the titan. She latches her hook onto the titan’s arm, swinging up and around, aiming for the titan’s neck.

As her momentum carries her down, she slices down with as much force as she can muster, landing swiftly on the titan’s back.

She miscalculates, hitting the titan’s upper shoulder instead. She looks at the gash that should have been on the nape in horror, realizing her fatal mistake.

She makes to run up the titan, up to its neck. She slips on some rain that had collected on its back, slamming her head against its body, leaving her disoriented as she rolls down its back. Her eyes blink open to the sight of a second titan eyeing her with a voracious grin on its face.

Her eyes widen in horror and fill with tears as she realizes she’s trapped, with nowhere to go.

She thinks back to her time with her family, and how much she’s going to miss them.

Furlan and his kind-hearted nature, always willing to help others when he can. Never one to watch someone suffer. Someone you can depend on, no matter what.

Levi. A kind, sweet soul at heart, hidden by a gruff exterior brought about by years of trauma. The most loyal person she’s ever met. He saved her from death all those years ago, when she was nothing but a half-dead runt on the cold streets of the Underground.

Their adventures in the Underground, soaring around as they fought together to survive the hellish life they’d been given.

That moment when they’d finally made it out, so close to the freedom they’d longed for.

She loves them both immensely, her brothers, her family. She only hopes they can make it out of this mess, and finally be free.

Her final breath is spent calling out for Levi, as the titan slams its mouth onto her tiny body.

~ - ~

“Isabel!!” Isa shrieked as she watched the titan devour her friend.

No! This can’t be happening! I-I was just talking to her not even an hour ago! This can’t be real! I’m dreaming right? This has to be a dream!

She couldn’t mourn for long, Furlan was still in trouble. He’d managed to pull himself out from under his horse, but his gear was malfunctioning. Desperate to not let another friend die, she made to run towards him again, but a hand on her arm stopped her. Turning, her heart slammed into her throat as she met the vicious eyes of Derek.

“You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to stay here and watch him die. I told you, you will be mine.” His voice was dark as his grip on her arm tightened.

Isa looked in horror as Flagon zoomed in slicing the nape of the titan attacking Furlan, but he’d made a mistake. He hadn’t noticed the titan that appeared behind him, grabbing him from the air as he completed the cut. Isa watched as the titan bit down on her squad leader.

Another one, gone.

She turned and glared at Derek. “Are you happy? Look at what you did! We could have saved them both, and now our squad leader is dead.”

A resounding crack filled the air as Derek’s hand smacked across Isa’s face, drawing the attention of Furlan.

“I saw you with him the other night, you little slut. You think you can tease me, have your little thugs beat me up, and then get together with him.”

She shrank into herself at the hostile rage simmering in his eyes. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. P-please, we’re in the middle of an expedition and we’re surrounded by titans.”

She hated what she turned into when he was around her, this quivering, weak mess, unable to defend herself. She didn’t understand what it was about him that rendered her completely useless and meek.

Desperate to get away, she made to zip off to attack the next titan, but something stopped her. She realized that he still had a grip on her arm, and when she looked at him, his face had turned menacing and maniacal.

He’s lost it.

Pure hatred filled his gaze as something inside him snapped. “If I can’t have you then no one can!”

To Isa’s horror, Derek pulled a knife from his pocket, using it to slice through the straps that held her gear onto her body and shoved her into the path of a fast-approaching titan. With that, he zipped off, leaving her to die.

She was too stunned to try to move out of the way, frozen in place. Without her gear, she was defenseless. She turned her head and saw Furlan’s horrified gaze meet hers as the titan reached down to grab her in its hand.

~ - ~

Furlan watches with bated breath as Derek cuts through Isa’s gear and pushes her into the oncoming titan. When her frightened gaze meets his as the titan reaches for her, an energy surges through him like he’s never felt before, as terror and panic fills every fiber of his being.

His gear is broken, so he doesn’t have much time to act before the titan pulls her up out of reach. Sprinting faster than he’s ever gone, desperation ever prominent on his face, he pulls his blades out of their holster, preparing himself as he moves to fulfill his promise to protect her.

Isa is barely a few feet off the ground when Furlan leaps up and slices through the arm holding her, his blades snapping off with the force at which he cut. He watches in relief as she falls back to the ground, safe.

He fails to notice the titan’s other arm swinging down.

Time seems to slow as he feels the titan grab him with its uncut arm and starts lifting him to its mouth. Without blades, there is no hope for him.

And it is in that moment, that Furlan understands the depth of his feelings for the woman. He finally is able to make sense of the emotions and sensations that course through him whenever in her presence. Whenever he thinks of her.

He realizes that somehow, over the course of his time in the Scouts, he has fallen in love with this sweet, witty woman. And the awareness of it comes crashing down on him.

What he had thought was a simple crush, nothing more than an attraction, had actually been a deep-seated love that he’d never felt before. That he’d never expected to experience.

He can’t determine when it happened.

Perhaps it had been in that moment when she’d radiantly smiled at him for something as simple as naming his horse and his heart had lurched at the sight.

Perhaps it had been when he’d seen her pinned up against the stable by the same man who had just shoved her into a titan, and he’d been overwhelmed by a need to protect like he’d never felt before.

Perhaps it had been shortly after, when he’d felt her small hand grasp onto his shirt, trembling in fear. And later, when he’d held her gently in his arms, and she’d felt so fragile and precious, he’d wanted nothing more than to cherish her.

Or perhaps it had been at the festival when her beautiful laughter had rang through the air, a joyous, lighthearted, musical sound like he’d never heard before that had reached down to caress his soul, reaching depths he hadn’t known existed.

The way her face had lit up in that instant, he’d wanted to spend the rest of his moments trying to get that same brilliant light on her face again, for her radiant being could brighten even the darkest of rooms. The darkest of nights. The darkest of souls.

When it had happened no longer mattered. At some point, his heart had become hers.

Two nights ago, he had accepted with ease that she would never be his. Some things just aren’t meant to be.

He only hopes that she can be happy. Whether it be with Levi or with someone else, he hopes that she can find joy and love in her life.

For she has given him a gift that he’d never expected to receive. Hadn’t known he’d wanted. She’s given him, some lowly thief from the Underground, someone to love, in a way that’s different from the love he felt for his family, when he had forever thought he’d never be capable of feeling something so special.

Even though she doesn’t feel the same for him, he is forever grateful to have loved her, for the brief time he has known her.

He truly believes she can bring light to Levi, the way she has to him.

He watches as his best friend, the man he’s come to know as a brother, looks on in horror as he runs, desperate to reach him in time.

He accepts his fate with open arms, happy that the woman he loves is safe, with another chance at life.

Feeling no regrets, he waves a hand in a sorrowful farewell to his brother, and to the woman he loves, welcoming the engulfing darkness.

~ - ~

Time almost slowed to a standstill as Isa watched the titan that had been meant to eat her slowly raise her friend to its mouth. She didn't feel the tears running down her face. She was frozen, couldn't even scream out in agony.

She was sitting on the ground where she’d fallen after Furlan had saved her. As she watched Furlan meet a cruel and unfair fate, she could feel the slightest hint of pain in her foot where she’d landed on it breaking through her stupor.

His blades had broken when he’d sliced through the titan’s arm to save her, and she had no way to save him, her gear was lying in a heap where Derek had cut it. Through tear-filled eyes, she watched in horror as Furlan, accepting his fate, waved goodbye to both her and Levi.

She couldn’t tear her eyes away as she watched the titan swallow him whole. She felt something break inside her at the realization that he’d saved her life by giving his own.

Wh-why did he do that? Why did he save me? He sacrificed himself…for me? Why?

She barely registered when Levi sliced through the titan’s neck and stomach, pulling out Furlan’s corpse.

When she saw his mangled, severed body, a harsh reality hit her, and she was overcome by the sudden urge to vomit.

That would have been me if he hadn’t saved me. But…why?

She saw the pieces of what was left of Sofia, Ingrid, and Sairam, and she fought back the urge to scream.

Gone, they're all gone.

She watched as Levi obliterated the remaining titans with a speed and strength she had yet to see from him. She wasn’t sure if he had seen what happened, if he had been there to watch as Derek tried to kill her and Furlan sacrificed himself to save her.

Isa felt her heart break for Levi when he reached down to Isabel’s severed head to close her eyes. When he reached down to pick up her necklace, she felt a desperate need to go to him, hug him, comfort him.

‘Bro isn’t exactly the type to go seek out comfort.’

Those two were his family.

She heard the sound of approaching horses and turned to see Erwin’s squad approaching. Hange was on her horse, and when she saw Isa, she jumped down and raced over to her.

“Isa, are you alright?”

Isa looked at her friend helplessly, the pain and grief swirling through her. “I…I don’t know.” She felt like she was about to break, but she knew she couldn't, not when it was daytime and she was outside the walls. She needed to keep it together.

'You're strong, I know you are.'

“Can you walk?”

“I…I don’t think so. I landed on my ankle when I fell, and it hurts to move it.”

“Let me help you up.”

Hange draped Isa’s arm over her shoulders, pulling her friend to her feet.

As she stood, she heard Levi’s voice, having dropped to a menacing growl like the one she’d heard that night with Derek. “I’m going to kill you, you bastard. That’s why I’m here.” She could hear the currents of grief underlying the anger in his voice.

She turned to face him and saw that Levi had Erwin pinned against the ground, Levi's blade held at bay by Erwin's hand.

She was stunned to hear of Levi’s true mission to joining the Scouts, and that Erwin had known all along.

He…he was sent here? To kill Erwin? Who sent him? Was that what Furlan was talking about the other night? He said they’d done what they’d had to, to survive.

I can understand that. That need to survive and do whatever it takes to be free.

When she heard Levi say it was his fault, his pride that had killed his friends, she wanted to go to him, reach out to him, shake him and say that it wasn’t his fault. She didn’t want him to go down that dark path like she had. She knew that if he let himself succumb to that dark guilt, it would eat him up from the inside out, leaving him an empty shell if he wasn’t careful.

Erwin was quick to correct him, with a fierceness she’d never seen from him as he yelled, “It was the titans!”

Erwin reminded Levi of the Scouts’ mission. That they do this to answer all their questions about the titans. His voice was forceful as he spoke, reminding them that there are people inside the walls who stay away from danger, content in remaining ignorant, but if everyone stays ignorant, they’ll never make progress and will never be able to defeat the titans. His words resonated with her, and in that moment, she truly admired the Squad Leader.

Isa listened at Erwin's final words. "If you begin to regret, you'll dull your future decisions and let others make your choices for you."

She watched as Levi gazed up into the sun breaking through the clouds, brows knit in concentration, lips parted. Isa realized that something in Erwin’s speech must have clicked inside of him, because he dropped his blade onto the ground, accepting Erwin’s request to join the fight for humanity.

As Isa hobbled to Luna with Hange’s help, she spotted two things on the ground. She paused to pick them up, trying to avoid looking at what was left of her friends, and spoke to Hange. “Help me over to Levi.”

When she reached the man, his back was facing her as he was about to hop onto his horse. She lifted a shaky hand up to his shoulder and he flinched.

He looked over his shoulder in question.

Without saying a word, she held out Furlan’s pocket watch, and Isabel’s bracelet, the two gifts she’d given them, knowing that they belonged to him now. The bracelet’s clasp was broken, and it must have fallen off of Isabel before she died.

When he only stared at the items and made no move to take them, she grabbed his hand, and gently place the gifts in it.

Unsure of what to say, she let Hange lead her back to her horse.

The entire ride back to Shiganshina, the same question kept whirling in her mind.

Why did he sacrifice himself…for me?

<- Chapter 9

Chapter 11 ->

Starved Menu

#levi x oc #Levi x isa #levi ackerman #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #friends to lovers #eventual romance #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #oc x canon #eventual smut

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deberiaestarescribiendo · 3 years

Text

Saint Jude's Miracle: A Javier Peña x OFC (Isa) FanFic

Summary: After leaving Colombia and the DEA for good, Javier Peña lives a completely different life that he never expected: He's married to Isa, has a beautiful little girl, Elvira, and the perfect suburban house with a mortgage he will be paying for the rest of his life. But when he discovers a shady company acting as a front for the Mexican cartels he has to team up with his old colleagues and relive the old Javi he thought died when he gave up the gun and the badge. How will he protect his family from the violence and the horrors he thought forgotten? And how can he avoid falling again into the old habits?

A/N: Hi! This is my first ever ever Fanfic! That’s how crazy Javi Peña got me. I love his character so much and, though I really love his arc on the show, I couldn’t stop thinking about what happens after, so this is my take. This is no beta’d so it comes from my Spanish speaking brain directly to you, I’ve revised BUT surely there are mistakes, sorry!

Warnings: Domestic Javi (yep that’s a warning), smoking, mentions of anxiety, mention of violence (later chapters, I think this one hasn’t), swearing, very light smut (a bit of masturbation, kisses and all the nice stuff). Cursive for internal thoughts. Let me know if I’ve forgotten anything, thanks!

Word count: 1,5k

El conticinio

Spanish. noun: Hour in the night where everything is in silence.

He stops the car at the side of the road. The neighborhood is calm, almost dead silent at midnight. It’s a small moment of peace, interrupted only by the annoying buzz stuck inside his brain. Javier puts his face on the steering wheel, focusing only on his breathing, 4 seconds each time.

Inhale

Exhale

Inhale

Exhale

Sometimes he wishes it could always be midnight, when he’s able to stop thinking, when nobody knows him or expects something from him. Just be able to breath and leave his head empty. Finally, he stands up ready to face reality again and grabs his jacket from the copilot seat, and gets out of the car. He takes a deep breath inhaling the scent of the recently cut grass and the neighbor’s pool’s chlorine. He guesses that this counts as “breathing fresh air” as the doctor suggested in order to de-stress, but, God, Javi does want the toxic air of a cigarette inside his chest.

He had stolen an almost empty packet of Marlboros from one of the jerks at the office. Fuck him and fuck my lungs he thinks while lighting one. He gives it a long drag, the nicotine kicking fast and he sighs when the smoke gets out of him, he can even picture part of the shit that pollutes him exiting his body. It’s like an exorcism; one that he would have to do many times a day if he really wants to expel all his demons, and one that would eventually kill him.

He finishes smoking in silence in front of the house. His home is a two-story, white painted house that he will be paying for more years than he expects to live.

Savoring the last puff he throws it on the pavement and steps on it before heading inside. He tries not to make any sound when he enters his home. Leaving the jacket and the shoes in the kitchen, he sees the rest of lasagna waiting for him on the table carefully covered with cling-film. Surely Isa thought he was coming earlier and that he would be hungry, suddenly he feels a little bit guilty. He had forgotten to call her and warn her.

Carefully he climbs the stairs trying not to step on any toy. Elvi is a good kid, but she can create a mess in an instant and leave the house as if a tornado had come in. To the right, the pinkish light shines of stars and moons all over Elvira's room. She hugs her unicorn plush and sleeps with her lips parted, peacefully. Javi gets in the room and kisses his daughter softly on her crown and runs his fingers through her dark and soft hair. She smells of Johnson&Johnson shampoo and that sweet particular scent that is only hers and that reminds him of when she was just a baby.

Inhale

Exhale

Fuck I missed her. He should be arriving earlier so he can see her awake and hug her tight and listen to whatever she did during the day. He certainly enjoys watching those big brown eyes shine bright when he comes through the door. A warm feeling he thought he would never feel or certainly that he doesn’t deserve to have. But here they are; a suburban family. Who would have thought?

He approaches the master room up front less enthusiastically. He doesn’t want to wake his wife up. Elvira is aware of his absence but she is content with whatever attention her dad gives her, and for now, Javier is the greatest father in the world. Winning the title for “greatest husband” is a tougher task.

The small light on her nightstand illuminates Isabel asleep tugged under the covers like a small ball, with her knees close to her chest. She breathes slowly, her long black hair over the pillows, he is tempted to kiss her head as he did with his child but the docile and sweet image of his wife sleeping is a completely different version of her being awake. He just turns off the lamp and proceeds to undress in complete silence. The bed creaks under his weight and she moves a little but continues to sleep soundly when Javi gets under the covers. His back hurts when the tightness in his muscles begins to soften over the mattress.

"You're late" Isa says her voice muffled by the pillows.

"Shh, I'm home, good night" Javi whispers to calm her.

With her eyes still closed she turns sluggishly towards him and passes her left arm over his chest resting her head on his shoulder.

"Where were you?"

"I had to stay for an op"

He pats her hair and adjusts himself to find a comfortable position, his lower back killing him with every movement.

"An op?" She opens her eyes abruptly. Shit. He could have said any other thing; he could’ve lied as it’s begging to be the routine.

"Just to counsel" he closes his eyes to make her understand that the conversation is over.

"To counsel you had to stay until late at night?" She is raising her head now, eyes fixed on him squinting.

"Well, raids are usually at the most inconvenient time, you know" Bad time to play smartass, Peña he thinks

"Javi..." The room is dark but he can sense her honey eyes turn greenish, it happens every time she gets mad.

"I swear"

She rubs his belly softly and lays her head again on his chest with a grunt. For a moment he thinks she has decided to leave it there, but she brushes her nose and lips over his neck, smelling him.

"You have smoked" he tries to ignore her by faking being asleep, but she taps him on his right shoulder.

"Javier"

"They were smoking in the car"

"What?" She sits on the bed, arms crossed over her chest

"Elvira's sleeping, don't shout" he hushes her knowing damn well it’s going to get her even madder.

"That's two lies you've told me in less than 2 minutes, Javier"

"I'm not lying" he arises a little with a grunt. Here we go again, shit

"You told me that: one" she raises one finger "you were going to counsel the police from time to time. And now you tell me you were on a raid? And second" she raises another finger "you think that I'm an idiot that I don't know that you've smoked?" Isa turns to face him, she frowns and Javier can feel her feet tapping nervously under the sheets.

When he doesn’t answer right away she adds "you know what the doctor said"

"I know"

"Then?"

Javier knows better as to answer that with any kind of excuse. He knows also why she gets that angry at him; she cares, deeply. She loves you, idiot, don’t know why or how it happened, but she does, he thinks

He approaches her stroking her arms, and resting his head on the space between her collar bone and her neck. She is stiff and doesn’t react to his touch. Her face contorted with her gaze avoiding him.

"I'm sorry" he kissed her earlobe. “Really sorry” he repeats, with every apology he plants a kiss on her frown, her cheeks, her nose and her lips.

"So very sorry" he brushes softly his lips over hers but she closes hers tightly.

Sighing, Javier hugs her from the side and draws circles with his fingers over her cleavage and then trails downwards over her sternum to finally place his hand on her stomach. “I should have told you. I apologize, Isa” He begins to rub his palm over her hips bones and the hem of her silk nightgown comes higher and higher revealing her underwear.

"You have some nerve" Isabel blurts out, but Javi can feel her heart already beating faster.

"Let me make up for it" Javier strokes the lace elastic band of her panties with his index finger. His brown dark eyes look at her expecting her refusal, but she bites her lower lip and moves her hips against him impatiently. Her husband rushes to kiss her and this time she parts her lips welcoming him with eager moans.

"I’m still mad" she moans

One of Javi’s hands softly brushes her core over the fabric feeling her heat and arousal.

"I think you've missed me" he grins on her ear.

Isabel rolls her eyes at his proud expression and shuts him up crushing her lips onto his, savoring him with her tongue.

Javier increases his touch slipping her panties to the side. But suddenly, Isa takes control and straddles him; her eager kisses cover their moans while she lowers her hands towards his briefs.

"Don't ever lie to me again"

"Yes, ma'am"

#Javier Peña #Javier Peña Fanfic #Javier Peña x OFC #Narcos #Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fandom #Javier Pena #Javier Pena Fanfic #narcos fanfic #narcos #Javi Peña #Javi Pena

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justimagineitblog · 4 years

Text

“You Used To Love Me” Michael Gray Fan Fiction - Chapter 4

A/N: Hi loves! Chapter 4 is a longggggg one so strap in and get some rum, whiskey, tea, coffee, water, hot chocolate, whatever works and settle in for this one x

When I walk into the pub, Tommy freezes in his spot.

He hasn’t seen me yet since Michael’s gracious return this morning. And I guess he assumed I wouldn’t be coming in for this shift.

He feel him watching me nervously as I begin my usual work routine, setting up the bar, straightening out all the chairs, wiping down all the tables. I can’t even bring myself to look at him.

“Izzy I-“

He stops immediately when I shake my head. With tears in my eyes threatening to spill already.

“I can’t, Tommy” I breathe

He nods sullenly, walking over to place a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“We had no idea about Gina… he’s just shown up after 6 fucking months and-“

“Tommy, please” I cut him off “I can’t talk about it-”

“Okay” he steps back, giving me some space “But just listen to me, just for a moment yeah? You’re still our girl. Our family. We’re all on your side, eh. Me, Poll, Arthur”

I nod, closing my eyes.

Of course they are. They’re just as shocked as I am. Up until this morning we were all in the dark about Michael. Where he was. What he was doing. I guess in a way, we all still are.

“I know” I sigh. Hearing him say those words stings, when I know that in 6 hours time I’ll closing up the bar for the last time and handing him my apron.

“Poll got a call this morning, from Michael, saying he was arriving to Birmingham in an hour, with someone for her to meet. First time she’d heard from him since he left. She’s been crying, I saw her. Says she can’t believe her own son would do something like this. Say’s she keeps seeing your face when you first saw him again-“

“Did he say why?” I question, un able to help myself from asking. It’s not like I haven’t been wondering that all day anyway.

Tommy shakes his head “Poll lost her shit. We all did. Told Gina all about you. About you and Michael. But he just fucking stood there… like a fucking ghost”

“Yeah, I know the look” I reply, flashing back to the cold, dead stare in Michael’s eyes.

“You know you don’t have to work tonight you can go home eh, try and rest, I’ll see you tomorrow night”

I clench my jaw, wishing he’d never said that. I can’t avoid it now.

“I won’t be in tomorrow, Tom” I begin, looking up at the ceiling and hoping that some God might just finally strike me down once and for all.

How am I supposed to do this.

I thought I had reached my limits of what I can bare this morning, but life seems to have decided that today is my ultimate test. If my sanity is still remotely in tact tomorrow, it will be a fucking miracle.

“If you need to take a few days Izzy it’s fine, Finn can cover for you. It’s about time he start leaning how to pour beer anyway-“ Tommy replies sympathetically, not understanding what I’m trying to say.

“No, Tom, I won’t be back tomorrow because I’m not coming back” I hold my breath “Today is my last shift”

Every word was harder than the next, as I forced myself to drag them up and out of my mouth.

Part of me wants this. Part of me want’s to run away from any place where I might see Michael. Jesus, I can’t believe I’m even thinking this but maybe this was the silver lining in him having the audacity to ask me to quit to stay out of his and Gina’s way. Because I won’t have to face seeing them together either. But actually say it, doing it, and breaking it to Tommy like this is incredibly painful.

“Oh” he breathes slowly.

Slowly, I begin to undo my apron. I can’t do this. I need to get out of here. I need to go home. Let my bed and whatever alcohol I have swallow me up. I don’t know how long for. And I don’t care.

“I’m sorry” I say in a harsh exhale as I hand him the apron.

He shakes his head, looking down at the floor almost like he’s to ashamed of how his cousin has broken my heart to look at me. He reaches for my hand to squeeze “No, I’m sorry”

Unable to hold back the tears that have been biting at my already red and glassy eyes, I quickly rush past him, my hand slipping out of his grip.

~ 3 DAYS LATER ~

The next 3 days are a drunken stupor. Coming in and out of consciousness. In and out of sleep, to eat a mouthful of something before washing it down with another mouthful of something strong.

It’s not until the 4th day when I’m woken at 7am by the sound of kids laughing and shouting as they play a game of cricket below my window. I try to muffle it by smothering myself with my pillow, but irritation and anger when it doesn’t go away draws me out of bed. I shuffle over to my window and slam it shut, earning looks from the children, before they forget seconds later and go back to playing.

From there I head straight to the kitchen. An Irish coffee constitutes as a nutritional breakfast, right?

As I let the kettle boil, I open my cupboard for my tried and true whiskey. And I find it… but I find it empty. Luckily that is, knowing in the back of my mind that I’m one more drink away from a hospital visit. But in that moment, I could have smashed the bottle over my kitchen counter in a tired, hangover fuelled rage.

Don’t they always say the cure for a hangover is more alcohol? Or have I just been around drunks at the pub too long?

I sigh. The pub. Over the past few days I have racked up a decent amount of memories that I wish to never remember. One of them, was seeing Michael… shortly followed by seeing his new wife Gina… then coming up at a close third is having to tell Tommy that I was quitting without any explanation why. That’s what the alcohol was for. To forget all that.

Now that I don’t have any alcohol left to immediately distract myself, I’m forced to really take in my surroundings. I look at my kitchen painfully as I count the bottles on my counter. Five. Empty. Bottles. I drank all that.

Jesus Christ, maybe I really am a Shelby.

God Michael would die if he saw this. Part of the reason he cherished me was because I wasn’t like his family. I loved them. I fit in with them. But I still had ‘a humanness to me’, as he called it one day. ‘A kindness.’ He said I kept him soft in a world lacking it. He’d only seen me truly drunk once. I was never a big drinker. I guess I’m not that girl anymore. Just like he’s not the Michael I knew anymore. I guess the only commonality we have anymore is our… dissimilarity.

The irony.

Unable to drink now, and sure as hell not leaving my apartment in this state, I spent the rest of the day moving slowly. Picking up whatever pieces of myself that I can. Showering. Changing clothes. Cleaning up what looks like a bomb site.

When night falls, and I realise I haven’t been shopping days and don’t have enough food to make anything decent, I decide it’s time to leave the house. Beside’s, everyone is going to be inside eating with their families and loved ones, and it’s dark enough anyway to hide myself in the shadows to avoid being seen.

With my biggest coat wrapped around me tightly, and an over the phone take away order placed at a restaurant down town, I head out into night. The cool, night air feels nice, like a splash of cold water on my face, and I’m so sure that I won’t have to face anyone that I begin to relax.

But of course I couldn’t really relax, could I. Because sitting inside the restaurant with a friend, is Polly Gray.

I pause in my tracks, almost tripping over from stopping so suddenly. I want to turn around and run the other way, immediately. And nothing is stopping me, besides the fact that I have nothing to goddamn eat.

“Fuck” I hiss to myself as I keep my head down, angling it away from her as I quickly slip into the restaurant doors.

“An order for Isabelle” I say urgently in a hushed voice at the counter as the worker greets me.

“Good evening ma’am” he grins eagerly as I hand him the money.

“I’ll just get your change” he nods joyfully and I grab my food. Daring to turn around, I peak over my shoulder to find that Polly is already looking at me. Once we make eye contact her eyes widen in shock and begins to stand up, making her way to me.

“Shit, shit, shit” I hiss, grabbing the food from the man quickly and beginning to walk out of the restaurant.

“Ma’am your change!” He calls after me

“Keep it!” I call back as I pick up the pace, jogging out the doors and into the street. I hear Polly’s voice call after me, and I hold my food close to me as I keep jogging, praying she will give up.

“Isabelle stop!” She shouts, and I slow to a stop. My head falls back as I sigh in defeat.

She finally catches up to me and I turn around to face her, but avoid eye contact.

“Izzy it’s me, what are you doing?” She asks as she catches her breath, staring at me in bewilderment.

God I can’t do this. I can’t. I’ve missed Polly so much. I’ve missed Tommy. I’ve missed the pub. Arthur. Finn. Michael. But I can’t be around them. Michael asked me to stay out of his and Gina’s way. I can’t do that if I’m still seeing everyone in the family. And it’s breaking my own heart.

“I just can’t talk right now Polly” I shake my head, praying for this to be over. For her to just accept that and go back to her dinner.

“Isabelle I’m worried about you, no one has seen you for day’s. Tommy said you quit the pub… Isabelle did Michael put you up to this-“

“No” I cut her off immediately. I’m lying. I know I am. But what difference does it make if I tell her Michael told me to keep out of everyones way. That will only make her and everyone hate him even more. And I can’t stand to see them all lose Michael the same way I did. I would never wish that upon them.

“Just talk to me darling-“

“No Polly,” I snap. Not out of anger, but out of sadness. Pain. I know what I have to do. What I have to say to make her stay away from me and fulfil Michael’s wish. But it’s going to kill me to do it. I take a deep breath as she waits for me to speak nervously. What’s that saying. Be cruel to be kind? I have to be cruel, I have to pushing them away. It’s easier to push them away. It’s better for everyone. Then Michael can live with Gina, the Shelby’s can be at peace without me around.

“I don’t want anything to do with your son, or your family. Have I not made that clear enough. I am not your family. I am not a Shelby. Now please leave me alone”

Polly stares at me, mouth open but no words following. I fight to keep her eye contact. To not falter. So that she think’s I’m serious about this. But it hurts. Never did I think I would have to be breaking her heart like this. I can see it breaking, I can see it in her eyes.

Is this what I looked like? Is this what Michael saw when he broke mine?

“I have to go” I manage to say before turning on my heels swiftly, leaving her standing in the street alone.

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fangirlovestuff · 4 years

Text

Holding Out for a Hero- Steve Rogers x Reader Pt.4

a\n- Enjoy! italics are for thoughts as always <3

summary: dinner time with the Avengers! Will you and Steve get closer?

part 3

When you arrived, you saw the Avengers sitting at the table, with vacant seats for the five of you scattered between them. You sat down between Natasha and Thor. Except from Thor and the others you had already met, you saw Scarlet Witch and Vision, Rhodey, and Bruce Banner. Tony sat at the head of the table, and when you all took your seats he stood up.

"I would like to propose a toast to the newest members of the Avengers. You guys may not know this, but selecting you all and bringing you here was a long challenging project, so I, for one, am very glad that's over with. To the Avengers!"

"To the Avengers!" we all toasted and drank. From the corner of your eye you saw Julia was sitting next to Bucky, glaring daggers at the seemingly oblivious Isabelle who sat on his other side. You hid a smile behind your glass. So she had a bit of a crush as well… that's good to know.

You tuned into the conversation to your left, where Thor was arguing with Tony about something.

"Stark, listen. You can't create something like that from your little earth metals."

"First of all, don't tell me what to do. You're not the boss of me. Actually, I'm the boss of you, which is why you could show me some respect and cooperate with me on this one. So say I really can't make something like that from earth metals, could you bring me some other metals to work with. We'll call it even and I'll forget you ever disrespected me."

"Bringing you those metals is way better than some insult I threw at you Tony, and you know that. Tell you what, if you actually tell me what weapon you want to build for yourself, I might just get you those metals."

Tony scooted closer to him, whispering something if Thor's ear you couldn't decipher. "But you gotta keep it a secret, big guy. Otherwise it won't be a surprise."

Thor shifted his gaze across the table and back to Tony. You couldn't realize who he looked at. "Fine. I agree that's a noble enough cause. I'll get those metals for you."

He turned to you, smiling, and you hastily turned your head to your palate and pretended to look focused on your food. "What's your name young woman?"

You introduced yourself, explaining your job and that you'll be joining their missions soon. "I'm actually familiar with all of you guys like the rest of the world, so I already know who you are." You said bashfully.

"Ah, wonderful! Well, tell me then, who is your favorite Avenger?" Thor probably had a bit too much Asgardian liquor that evening, because he said it way too loudly. So loudly in fact, that the whole table silenced, waiting to hear what you answered.

Your thoughts were racing. If you told the truth and said Captain America, you might just end up ranting about how much you actually like Cap. You were prone to do that. But that was out of the question, you had to keep it professional. You could lie and say Thor, but then the entire table would hear, and you didn't feel like you had the right to play favorites when you don’t really know them all yet. You had to improvise, fast.

"Ummm… I don't have a favorite. I like all of you." You answered, satisfied with the answer you came up with.

"Oh come on, you're no fun. I know it's me," he winked at you. "But have it your way."

"Maybe if we got her some more champagne she'll spill it." Natasha said from your other side.

"That's a wonderful idea," agreed Tony. "I'll go and bring some more."

You got into a comfortable chat with Natasha, talking about nothing in particular.

"So, since I know who your favorite Avenger, why don't you go talk to him?" she smiled cheekily. Before you could persuade her not to, she called "Steve! Come over here! We haven't heard from you all night!". You glanced in Steve's direction. He laughed and brought his chair to sit next to you. "What's up Nat?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just thought you should try to mix more with the young crowd old man."

Steve apparently didn't have any Asgardian liquor that night. He seemed entirely sober and smiled at Natasha "Ha ha. Very funny." He turned to you. "You're the one that's doing risk assessment right?" you nodded. "Steve," he said with a smile and reached out for your hand. "Like I don't know who you are," you chuckled and shook his hand. To say sparks had been flying when your hands touched was probably an exaggeration, but you felt your cheeks heating up. Luckily, you managed to keep your cool. "You know they have aa exhibit of your life at the Smithsonian, right? They do school trips over there." He laughed, teasing you back "And I assume you're still in school in order to enjoy them?" "You've read my file so you know I'm not." You smiled at him. "Good point," he said, his blue eyes gazing into yours. You wouldn't admit this, but this definitely made you go a little weak at the knees. "Actually, a few years ago I stole my uniform from there. Needed something to wear that wasn't associated with S.H.I.E.L.D, that was really HYDRA at the time."

"That reminds me, what happened to Sharon? Weren't you and her getting closer at the time?"

"Guess we were, but I haven't spoken to her in years. She's still in S.H.I.E.L.D I guess." Steve said. Natasha snuck you a smug look, her point proven once again. "That reminds me," Steve smiled, "Nat, do you remember the time we escaped from the HYDRA agents at the mall? I guess that's not a publicly known story." He smirked at you. They told you the story, and you laughed pretty muck the whole time. "You see, she just wanted an excuse to kiss me." He smiled smugly at Natasha. "I certainly did not! It was a terrible kiss and I totally saved your ass back there." Natasha laughed. "Whatever you say," Steve smiled. The conversation between the three of you was flowing and fun, with them reminiscing on more missions and you telling them about yourself and where you came from. After a while, Natasha excused herself to go to the bathroom. You knew she did it just to give you and Steve "alone time", and any other time you'd be pissed at her, but you had a little champagne in you so you didn't care. You can do this, you thought, you can totally have a normal conversation with Steve Rogers.

"So," you sipped your drink, "I heard a lot about Captain America tonight. What can you tell me about Steve Rogers?" you smiled at him. He looked surprised, and you were beginning to think you did something wrong, but then he smiled softly at you. "That depends. What do you wanna hear?" "Well, I always wondered what it's like living in the 40's. my grandpa was like 2 years old back then so he can't tell me." you smirked. He chuckled and proceeded to tell you about his life in the war, about Bucky and his' friendship. At one point you saw Natasha coming back but going to sit at a different spot at the table. Traitor.

Your conversation with Steve was incredibly interesting. You talked about life and politics, "I have beef with the electoral college," he said, frowning. You couldn't keep the smile off of your face, "I see you're really getting used to the slang nowadays." You both laughed.

After a few hours of the dinner it started wrapping up.

"Okay guys, I think that's enough for today," Tony said, getting out of his chair. "You newbies have training tomorrow, so good luck with that. Oh, and Steve, Bucky, you're on dish duty today. Everybody else, have a good night."

Steve flashed you a smile, "Goodnight." he said, and he and Bucky got up to take the dishes. You made your way to Julia, so you can walk to your rooms together.

"Saw you getting friendly with Steve," Julia said in a suggestive voice. "Yeah," you said, innocently, "aren't teammates supposed to be?" Julia laughed. "What about you though?" you said with a smirk. "I saw you shooting Isabelle some pretty dirty looks tonight when she was talking to your man." Julia swatted your arm playfully. "Bucky isn't my man. Yet." She added as an afterthought. "Who said it was Bucky?" you grinned. "Come on!" Julia laughed.

You got to your room. When you opened the door you were attacked by a large furry dog and her loving tongue. "Lola!" you laughed. "I know, I missed you so much too." You petted her affectionately. You opened the closet door and found some pjs to put on. You snuggled under the covers, Lola at your feet, and went to sleep.

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #avengers #avenger!reader #MCU fic #chris evans #natasha romanoff

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with-all-my-heart-arwen · 4 years

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The Scare

A/N: An AU fic about Arthur and Gwen and a possible life changing event.

The sun is bright as it filters in from the wide curtainless windows. The office continues to buzz with busyness and life seems to move right along despite the turmoil Gwen is feeling inside. She sighs heavily as she packs her meager belongings into a cardboard box. She’d had the desk for three weeks and now her dream internship was at an end. She was only standing up for herself, something her father taught her, and now she feels as if she’s being punished for not allowing a client to talk down to her.

She can feel the eyes of the other office occupants as they glance her way, some with sympathy and some with a good riddance smirk. Her choice of vocation is competitive and she has already mired her path to success. The realization of loss is heavy and stifling. She tosses the last few items into the box, grabs her purse and exits with her head held high. Once she’s in her car, the tears start to stream down her cheeks and she can’t muster the energy to start the vehicle and drive away. She reaches for her mobile and taps the last number called.

He answers hurriedly. “Hey. I’m kind of busy at the moment. Can I ring you back?”

She is so choked up she can barely talk. “Ar….Arthur…..”

“Guinevere….what’s wrong? What’s happened?” He asks anxiously, noticing her difficulty to speak.

“I….I need you.”

“It’s fine. Tell me where you are and I’ll come to you,” he offers.

“Can you…..meet me at the park? By the fountain?’ She asks.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Twenty minutes later, they are walking hand in hand as Gwen relays the incident with the client and then her boss and her subsequent firing.

“I thought for sure she’d speak up for me or at least see my side of things. She completely threw me under the bus and told me I should have never spoken to a client in that manner.” She pauses as she looks her boyfriend in the eye. “I wasn’t cross with her like she was with me but I wanted her to know I would not tolerate being talked to like I was an imbecile. How was that wrong?”

“It wasn’t wrong at all.” He shakes his head. “Maybe you can speak with Isabel again, explain yourself….”

“You want me to grovel after the way she treated me? She didn’t have to fire me you know. This was an isolated incident. Maybe I didn’t handle it as I should have. Maybe I should have allowed the client to speak to me the way she did.”

“No. You weren’t wrong for standing up for yourself. I just hate to see you so miserable.”

“Well you’d better get used to it. I can’t afford my flat now so I guess I’ll go back to Reading with dear old dad. That means an hour commute each day for school, add in the wear and tear on the car and it all equals misery in my book.” She stops walking and drops his hand. “Oh Arthur what am I going to do?”

She feels awful asking her boyfriend of six months for answers but she is desperate. Her life here was starting to come together nicely and now she appears to be backtracking. It’s not fair.

He steps in and hugs her tightly. “It will be fine. I promise.” He places his hands on either side of her face. “Why not start plans for your own business?”

“Are you forgetting I have one more year of uni? No one’s going to take a graduating senior seriously. I have to have that degree in hand. Not to mention a bit of experience under my belt,” she reminds him.

“Ok. Well this will leave you more time to devote to your studies. You may even finish early,” he suggests.

“Did I fail to mention my other problem?” She lets out a soft breath. “I need to complete an internship to get all my credits to graduate. I’ve clearly mucked that up now.” Her voice breaks on the last word and Arthur cringes, wishing he could take it all away.

“Let’s solve at least one of these problems. Move in with me. That way you won’t be back with your dad, you won’t have to drive so far, and I’ll cook breakfast each morning.”

Gwen smiles and wipes her tears. “Eggs and toast?”

“Only the best for you.”

“Oh Arthur please be serious. I really need some answers here.”

He frowns. “Who says I’m not serious?”

“I couldn’t do that. I mean, it’s too soon. We’ve only been dating for a few months. What would everyone think?”

“Who cares what others think? I understand this would be a big step for us but….I’m ready.”

“Ready? Ready for what exactly?”

“Guinevere….I love you. Moving in together is a big commitment and I want that…..with you.”

“I…..I love you too Arthur but I don’t want you to feel obligated just because I’m having a bit of bad luck,” she states.

“This is not about your incident today. This is about two people in love….taking the next step.”

She looks at him for a few seconds, recognizing his seriousness. “Well, since you put it that way…..”

They laugh and she loops an arm through one of his as they exit the park.

Two months later

Gwen has ensconced herself into Arthur’s living quarters seamlessly. He made good on his promise to prepare her breakfast every morning, she attended her classes during the day, he worked until six most evenings and she usually had dinner prepared for them once he was home. Their lives merged almost perfectly. The only thing she hadn’t accomplished was securing another internship and she had to have that in place within the next few weeks in order to complete her graduation requirements.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit stressed over it but she had a couple of prospects and she was just waiting for an interview. She puts the finishing touches on tonight’s dinner and goes over a couple of assignments while she waits for Arthur to arrive. She smiles when she hears the lock turn on the door and the love of her life enters their home. He walks over to her and plants a sweet kiss on her lips.

“Sorry I’m late. My father is really bad at knowing when to call it quits.” He sets his keys in a bowl on the coffee table and moves towards the stairs. “I’m going up to change. Be right back.”

That night was like so many others they’ve had. Discussing their days, current events, news from friends, etc. They spend an hour or so on their devices, checking emails, work obligations, school assignments and then they take a long hot shower together that ends with sensual lovemaking in his oversized king bed.

The next day, Gwen is seated at the coffee shop near her school with friends.

“Where’s Jessica?” She wonders.

“Sick with cramps. She has them something awful. I feel sorry for her,” Dreena answers.

The others continue their conversation but Gwen is stuck on the word cramps. It automatically brings to mind her monthly cycle and she realizes she hasn’t gotten it yet. She quickly thinks back to last month and knows she should’ve had her period by now. She takes out her mobile and pulls up the calendar to figure out just how late she is. She gasps and tries not to panic as her heart rate increases with the thought of what could be causing her late period.

“Gwen are you ok?” Eugenia asks.

“Yeah….I…..yes I just remembered an assignment that’s due. I really need to go. I’ll see you guys later.” She grabs her belongings and makes a beeline for her car. She picks up her mobile several times to ring Arthur but she’s not sure what she would say, so she drives home and waits for him. She can’t even think about eating she is so consumed with her thoughts.

The clock reads 7:30 and she scoffs as she thinks, ‘of all nights for him to be late’. He did send a text earlier but she thought late would be 6:30 or 7. At this rate, he could be even later and she knows she will be out of her mind in only a few more minutes. She grabs her shoes and rushes down the stairs ready to snatch up her keys and drive to the nearest drug store.

Arthur walks through the door looking a bit disheveled. “Hi love. Sorry I’m so late. Merlin actually closed a deal and we had to celebrate.”

Gwen stands silently, looking at him.

“Are you ok?” He asks.

“I’m late.”

“Late for what?”

“I mean…..I’m late.”

Her boyfriend’s eyebrows go up in surprise as his mouth forms a silent ‘oh’. “Have you taken a test? Do you know?”

She shakes her head. “No.”

He nods slowly. “Okay. Okay….well let’s uh…..let’s get a test.”

“A test?” She agrees. “Yes we should get a test.”

They take his car and drive a few minutes away to a nearby drug store. The entire time Gwen is racking her brain trying to think of how this could have happened if it has actually happened. She and Arthur were careful. They used condoms and she was on the pill although she was a bit forgetful from time to time. Surely that wouldn’t result in a pregnancy?

She places the test on the counter to purchase it only to have Arthur drop a big box of condoms right next to it. She gives him an annoyed look and remains silent as he retrieves some cash from his wallet and purchases their items.

The silence between them continues on the ride home, her mind still racing as she makes a beeline for the bathroom upstairs. He follows at a slower pace and sits on the bed quietly. He checks his watch, wondering how long this would take. He stands quickly as he hears the door open. She holds a white device in her hand and shakes her head.

“It says I’m not pregnant.”

Arthur lets out a loud ‘Woo!’ He claps his hands together, then scrubs his face with them, releasing a relieved breath. “That was close.” He walks toward her and places his hands on her shoulders. “Gosh I feel like we dodged a bullet.”

Gwen scoffs. “I didn’t know you’d be quite so relieved.”

Arthur scoffs back. “Well aren’t you?”

“Yes…….and……no,” she answers.

“What? What does that mean?”

“I don’t know. The thought of being pregnant terrified me but now that I know I’m not…..I guess I’m just a bit disappointed,” she admits.

“Disappointed? Guinevere, we are not ready for a child. You haven’t graduated uni and I’ve just started a leadership role in my father’s company. The last thing we need is a baby.”

“I know that Arthur. Don’t you think I know that? You just…..you’ve just made me feel like a child with me would be the last thing you’d want. If two people love each other, isn’t it natural that they’d want children together?”

“Children? We’ve never even discussed children. You’ve never expressed a desire to have any and to be honest I haven’t given it much thought. All I know is that I’m not ready to change nappies and be up all hours of the night with a screaming infant.”

“You make it sound so dismal and I think it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world,” she answers softly.

“I’m sure it is beautiful for those who plan it and want it. I’m not saying we won’t have kids but it’s just not something that should happen now,” he offers.

“So you’re saying you wouldn’t mind having kids with me?”

He takes his time answering her. For some reason becoming a father is something that terrifies him. His mother died giving birth to him and his father never truly got over her death. He’s not sure he can put the woman he loves in the same predicament. “Can we please discuss this later? I’m feeling a little drained right now.”

“Arthur…..I need to know. I love you but if you don’t see a future for us……..”

“What are you talking about? We had a scare Guinevere. We’re ok now and we know to be more cautious in future.”

“But if we don’t want the same things then how can we stay together?”

“There’s no urgency here. How about we revisit this in another…….five years?”

Five years? She watches dumbfounded as Arthur removes his jacket and tie and leaves the room.

That night, Arthur pulled her into his arms and held her closely. The previous scare and conversation lingered in the room but they didn’t discuss it any further. Gwen was surprised by her feelings and Arthur’s admission. She replayed the conversation in her head again and again, her thoughts keeping her awake long into the early morning hours.

Two weeks later

“Arthur, I need to talk to you,” Gwen expresses as they place their dinner plates in the sink.

He nods. “I know what it’s about and I haven’t changed my mind.”

“So are you admitting there is no future for us…..that we want different things?”

“No, of course not. I’m just saying we aren’t ready to be parents. Don’t you agree?” He wonders.

“Yes but…..if we’re going to have a future together, shouldn’t we discuss the things we want and expect when it comes to family?”

“It’s not a conversation we have to have right now. We have plenty of time,” Arthur reminds her.

Gwen accepts that as his reluctance to discuss a future therefore he must not want a future that includes her and what she wants. This only added to the stress she was experiencing which resulted in a late period. She realizes she needs to relieve some of that stress so her decision was the right one. “Well, I’ve accepted an internship.”

Arthur smiles, relieved to change the subject. “That’s great!”

“In France.”

Her lover falters. “Wh…what? In France? Why?”

“I need to get serious about this, Arthur. I scratched France off my list because I couldn’t bear being away from you but if I truly want to graduate and if I truly want the experience, I need to accept the opportunities granted to me.”

“So you’re leaving just like that?”

“It’s for 6 weeks and I’ve been approved to complete my courses online for that duration. It’s all going to work out.”

“But what about us?”

“You’ve made it clear that we should concentrate on our careers right now and I’ve decided that you’re right.”

“Are you dumping me?” He doesn’t give her time to answer as he steps to her and lifts her chin to look directly into her eyes. “I love you.” He swallows nervously. “If this is about a baby….then….we’ll have one. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“I love you too but I think some time apart is what we need now. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“Great coz I don’t want this. I want you to stay.”

“I want you to take this time to consider what you truly want. If you don’t see yourself as a father in a couple of years then we want different things, Arthur, and we shouldn’t be together if our expectations don’t coincide.”

He motions to say more but Gwen crushes her lips to his, pushing her tongue into his mouth and wrapping her arms around his neck. She pushes her body against his and gasps as Arthur pulls back.

“Guinevere, we need to talk about this.”

“I leave in two days, Arthur. I want to spend that time wrapped in your arms.” Not another word is spoken as they resume their kiss and move into their bedroom.

The next few weeks are torturous for the both of them but they contend by keeping busy, Arthur in his new position at his father’s company and Gwen with her thriving internship. They talk on the phone daily, send each other text messages and emails and the 6 weeks are done before they realize it.

Gwen can barely contain her excitement as she presses the garage opener and parks her car beside Arthur’s. She leaves her bags in the boot as she hurriedly unlocks the door and enters their home. Arthur stands by the kitchen counter and she races to him, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly. His arms snake around her waist and he kisses her neck soundly.

“I missed you so much,” she gasps then kisses him gently.

“I missed you too.”

“Arthur, I want to apologize. I did a lot of thinking while I was away but I couldn’t say this over the phone or in an email. I was wrong to make you feel like you had to tell me exactly what you wanted for your future. We have time and I hope you can forgive me. I wasn’t very understanding and I don’t want to lose you. I love you with all my heart.”

He smiles. “I want to apologize too. I allowed my knowledge of what happened to my parents to cloud my judgment about my own future. I will admit that I don’t know what the future holds for us but as long as I’m with you I don’t care. I love you, Guinevere, more than anything.”

They kiss passionately, their love for one another more evident and stronger than ever. She grabs his hand and leads his towards the stairs.

“I’ve dreamt about you almost every night for 6 weeks. I hope you’re prepared to remain in bed for the next few days.”

Arthur laughs as they climb the stairs together, enter their bedroom, close the door and start to disrobe before falling onto the bed where they make love slowly and intensely.

#Gwen #Arthur #Arwen #fanfiction #SBK

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1190

survey by carolynnnnonia

1. When was the last time you went to the mall? Last Saturday. I really didn’t want to go, but I needed to fulfill a shipment that I had to do for one of our clients. I had to pass through the mall’s grocery to get to the courier branch, and it was so creepily packed :( I was visibly dodging people left and right but I couldn’t care less at the time.

2. Are you a light sleeper? Only whenever I fall asleep at places I’m not very familiar or uncomfortable with, like in a moving car or someone else’s house; the lightest noise or movement would definitely wake me up. Otherwise, I sleep like a log. I’ve missed out on so many earthquakes that apparently took place while I was asleep.

3. Do you have shoes on right now? No, I’m always barefoot whenever I’m home.

4. What's the weather like? It’s a liiiiiiittle bit decent for now, but it’s only 9:30. It will start to get warmer from here on out so I’m expecting to start feeling sweaty and sticky again in a couple of hours.

5. Would you rather wear sweats or jeans? I don’t really collect sweatpants, so I’d go with jeans even though I don’t find them the most comfortable either.

6. When did you last go ice skating? Around 13 years ago. If I’m correct, my last time on an ice skating rink had been in 4th grade, when I was 10.

7. Do you ever shop at Hot Topic? We don’t even have that here, so no.

8. What car do you own/hope to own? A Mini Countryman.

9. Have you ever spent more than 5 hours on the phone? Many times with my ex, especially at the start of our relationship.

10. Where is your cell phone? I literally just put it down haha after picking some music to play. It’s now on my lap.

11. How loud do you play your music? Like I said on a previous survey, it depends on what I’m doing. Right now it’s on pretty loud since I’m just taking a survey, but if I’m working I just have it on as background noise.

12. Do you like playing in the snow? I’ve never done it before, but I imagine I would love snow.

13. What beach does your family typically visit? We make it different every time, and I don’t think we’ve ever visited the same beach more than once. The best ones I’ve been to are the ones in Palawan and Boracay.

14. Do you like your name or one of your siblings' names better? They did a great job with all our names actually, and I’m a fan of all of them. I like that I’m named Isabelle since I’ve always loved that name; Nina has Beatrice which is a bit old-fashioned but in a nice and endearing way; and my brother is a Joaquin which has always been one of my favorite masculine names. I can’t say I’ve ever compared our names.

15. How did you discover your Myspace song?

16. What was the last restaurant you visited? La Creperie. But the last restaurant I ordered from in general was McDonald’s, last Friday.

17. Have you ever played Rock Band? Yes, I always preferred it over Guitar Hero too.

18. Do you ever make Youtube videos? I’ve never tried doing it.

19. What brand purse do you carry? I don’t use purses. My main handbag is a Nine West one I just borrowed from my mom.

20. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice.

21. Have you ever had braces? Yup, but I’ll be needing to have them on again.

22. Do you own an iPod? I guess it’s fairer to say I don’t anymore, but mine is definitely still lying around at home.

23. Who do you like? I have the stupidest crush on BTS’ V, if that counts.

24. Where do you like to get coffee from? Just my everyday 3-in-1 coffee mix sachets would do, since I don’t know how to make coffee from scratch and figure out the ratios that would work for me. If I feel like buying coffee I’d go to Starbucks.

25. What level do you play on Guitar Hero? My finger coordination is terrible so when I play with the guitar prop I usually fail the songs even if I play at the easiest possible level haha. I’m much better with a controller.

26. Are there any words you always spell wrong? I used to struggle with ‘rhythm,’ but I’ve misspelled it too many times in the past I ended up learning it, if that makes sense lol. I don’t usually struggle with spelling anymore these days.

27. Do you ever mow your lawn? There’s a staff member in our village who’s tasked to mow everyone’s lawns. We just tip him when he does so.

28. When was the last time you were at a hotel? Around...last Christmas season, I think? We were visiting family that day and we briefly stopped by Marco Polo to pick up a cake so that we wouldn’t arrive empty-handed.

29. Who did you kiss last time you played spin the bottle? I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.

30. Is there a TV in your room? No. There used to be a TV along with the PS3, but after my brother started forming a habit coming into my room to play video games, we just ended up handing over both devices to him.

31. What is the most money you've spent in a day? I don’t know exactly, but my best bet would be anywhere between ₱3000 to ₱4000 and it most likely happened while I was drunk.

32. Anything interesting happen on your last birthday? My BTS bias released a snippet of his new solo song :( :( :( He’s been a lot quieter on social media lately so the fact that he posted something huge, and on my birthday no less, made my day all the more meaningful.

33. What winter holidays do you celebrate? None.

34. Have you ever been to NYC? No. I have several relatives who live there, both in the city and state, though.

35. Do you get carsick? Only when I read or watch a show/movie.

36. When was the last time you went swimming? July 2019.

37. Has anyone of the oppisite sex seen you in your underwear? I don’t think so.

38. Who did you last talk to on the phone? The delivery man who brought my order to the house today.

39. Are your parents still together? Yups.

40. Do you like scary movies? They’re okay, but I tend to avoid the ones that go for cheap scares and go for something with more lowkey or psychological elements instead.

41. Do any of your friends have a last name that's a color? No.

42. What's your favorite ride at amusement parks? Not a big fan of rides. I would usually head to the food stalls and see what kind of crazy food is being served that I can try out haha.

43. Who do you want to win the presidential election? Someone who has the interests of the Filipino people at heart. Of course, knowing how poor voter’s literacy is here, I’m not feeling too optimistic for next year’s election.

44. How often do you watch TV? Around 45 minutes to an hour every evening since we have the TV on during dinner.

45. Do you use proper capitalization? For the most part, yeah. The only time I let the rules go is when I’m on chat.

46. Have you ever been to a fortune teller? Ew, no.

47. Are you a health nut? No.

48. Do you tan or burn? Tan.

49. What type of deoderant do you use? Some local brand.

50. Do you dress up for Halloween? Some years I would, especially if there’s a Halloween party happening.

51. Have you ever kissed in the rain? I might have, but I don’t really remember for sure.

52. If you had the chance to be famous, would you take it? If it was for a reason I could get behind, then sure.

#survey #surveys

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peace-coast-island · 3 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Taking our sweet time (seriously, there's no need to hurry)

Whenever life gets too much to handle it should be socially acceptable to say fuck it and peace out for a while. I get that constant procrastination isn't good but sometimes you really need to step back and take a goddamn break.

You don't have to take on the world all at once - in fact you don't have to do anything at all just to feel worthy of something. It's the little things that matter and your worth shouldn't be measured solely by your achievements. There's nothing wrong with being average - or even below that - what should matter is that you're happy and doing what you like.

At least that's what I'm hoping to get across to Pai and her adventuring companions. From burnout to things not going as planned due to factors out of everyone's control, they are definitely in need of a break.

Pai's stepping into the world of perilous adventuring after running across Connie, a wanderer who's made a name for themselves in Bonsai Harbor. Connie's from another world, having been separated from their sibling. Along the way, they saved Pai from being eaten by a slime crystal monster, so now Pai feels indebted to them. They haven't known each other for too long but they act like old, playfully bickering buds.

While trying to find their footing, Pai suggested seeking help from the Knights of Windwail and the Adventurer's Guild. Then they got wrapped up in adventuring, world quests, and earned the status of honorary knights. Along the way they came across other adventurers from the Knights and the Guild, forming their own adventure team.

Amber was the first friend Connie and Pai made at Bonsai Harbor. She was the one who taught Connie how to use a wind glider as well as the ins and outs of the city. As an outrider of Windwail and master pyro archer with ties to the Adventurer's Guild, she got them covered. Pai says that they're lucky they ran into Amber as she knows a lot about pretty much everything Bonsai Harbor. It's fun listening to her talk about her home, the other team members, and their latest adventures - she's basically the group's spokesperson.

The second friend they met is also a knight, Captain Lucien, also known as Luci to friends and elders. He's a well known swordfighter with piercing cryo powers that can freeze anything for a short time. Luci was a big help for Connie and Pai when they got cornered by fireball slimes. In return, the duo offered to help him retrieve a stolen katana, which resulted in them discovering other lost weapons and earned the trust and respect of the head of the Windwail Knights.

Noelle and Bennett were next to join the gang of adventurers, coming to them at the right time by chance. Connie, Pai, Amber, and Luci were ambushed on the outskirts of the city while on an investigation when their reinforcements came to the rescue.

Pai summoned Noelle by accident as she happened to be nearby when things were going south. Noelle is who they call a maid without a master - meaning she does things like cleaning, cooking, and running errands for pretty much anyone who calls for her. Rumor has it that one can easily summon Noelle just by calling out her name to the wind, which is what Pai did. As a fighter, Noelle can summon a geo shield that provides healing powers when activated, plus she's got a badass looking claymore sword that's not only great for fighting off enemies, but also for mining and destroying obstacles.

Bennett also happened to be nearby when the gang was attacked. He's an adventurer with pyro powers who hasn't had too much luck in recruiting members for his group. He's a good fighter, but for some reason things never really work out in his favor, so that's why no one seeks him out. It's a shame because he's a sweet and likable guy but his bad luck overshadows the good. Up until meeting Connie and Pai, he was considering giving up as an adventurer because he wasn't getting anywhere. Then he heard Pai screaming for help and came running along.

Since Noelle and Bennett didn't have anything better to do, they decided to tag along. Noelle still gets summoned once in a while, mainly for menial tasks that don't take too much out of her day. Of course, with the gang being all the way over here at the camp, they're all on vacation from their jobs - most for the first time in years, if ever.

It's a good thing Pai dragged them out here because they all deserve a vacation. And not only that, they deserve regular vacations - time where they can breathe and do nothing without feeling guilty. Given what they've all done over the past several weeks, it's no wonder they're feeling burnt out.

After saving the city and earning the status of honorary knights, Connie and Pai set out to explore the nearby city of Starcatcher. Before heading off, they gained another member - Seraphina the idol of the Windwail Church. She's got hydro powers and the ability to heal. She was the one who helped Connie sneak into the cathedral basement to retrieve a cursed artifact and came to the rescue in the nick of time by healing the gang during a showdown with a monster terrorizing the city.

At Starcatcher, the gang met up with Xingqiu and Xiang. Connie and Pai had met Xiang earlier when she was visiting the harbor and helped her gather ingredients for a cooking contest. Connie was hoping to run into Xiang again in the near future so as soon as they arrived at the city, they went looking for her. Apparently they just missed her as she was out on another culinary adventure.

Then Connie and the others were caught up in commissions there, getting familiar with the city. While searching for a rare book, they met Xingqiu, a descendant of a once prosperous family who helped the gang get through the red tape for intel. He's a master swordfighter with hydro powers that can form powerful whirlpools. Pai and Luci were a bit skeptical of him as he seemed to pop in and out whenever he wanted without explaining, but in the end he earned their trust.

Xiang finally met up with the gang not too long after they finished a mission involving finding jade fragments in the ruins. She joined just in time to help take down a bunch of ruin guards, except that didn't go so well. The gang barely made it out alive before having to retreat and Sera and Noelle's healing powers can only help so much. So they decided to put that off and focus on other missions.

But then the quests started to pile up as more of them were beyond their scope. According to Luci, all of them are capable fighters - on their own. As a team, their biggest problem is that they're too slow, especially when it comes to fighting large monsters like ruin guards. The problem lies with efficiency - the team lacks coordination. That, along with the group not being the most prepared or equipped - the latter is something they're trying to fix - is what's dragging the team down.

Though, to be fair, no one really knows what they're doing. After all, Pai and Connie met by chance and their team just kinda fell together. We don't know if we're getting any closer to helping Connie reunite with their family, which is the main reason why they're going on all these missions. As for the others, they're just there for the ride, not knowing exactly what they're doing either, but are more than happy to help when needed.

I have to say, I'm flattered that Pai decided to take Connie and the others all the way here. I don't know where Bonsai and Starcatcher are other than really, really far out there. Pai doesn't really come out here much - I think she only comes to see Jamie, so I'm guessing that's how she knows about the camp. I also heard it's not easy to travel from where's she's from as they're pretty much like different dimensions, making it even more impressive.

So far, I think the break's been helping out a lot. It's been nice getting to know the others and just hanging out with them. Again, it's kinda sad that most of them had never taken a vacation before, so the idea of leisure took some getting used to. Aside from introductions, we mostly steered away from talking about quests and missions.

Noelle, of course, enjoys running errands. She likes collecting fruit, fish, and bugs, and getting to know the campers. Noelle kinda reminds me of my mom as she finds doing things like cleaning relaxing. It's not surprising that she likes speed cleaning videos as they can be satisfying to watch. I wouldn't mind watching videos with Noelle sweeping the cabin or scrubbing the counters - she makes those tasks look fun!

Amber's into hiking and climbing into high places where she can jump off and glide. She's teaching me and Daisy Jane how to glide and it's a bit terrifying, though I'm slowly getting the hang of it. I think that's the closest I'll ever get to flying!

Now that she has a lot of free time on her hands, Amber wants to make custom gliders for the team - and for me, Daisy Jane, and Isabelle as well. They look hard to make, so the fact that they can be made by hand is impressive. All of Amber's gliders are handmade and it takes a special skill to not only make a glider that looks pretty but also functional. She used to take orders for custom made gliders before things got too busy so she's glad to be getting back into it. I can't wait to see how they turn out!

Seraphina has been getting into impromptu jam sessions with the campers, putting on a little concert every night so far. She's got a lovely voice with a pure sweetness I find endearing. Being out here at the camp has helped her get back into singing so she hopes the nightly concerts will keep her going. Her love for poetry shows through her lyrics as she has a way with words and evoking emotions through imagery.

She says the camp kinda reminds her of Bonsai Harbor, particularly the meadows, which probably explains why she's inspired to sing again. As much as she enjoys adventuring, she misses her home a lot. Still, Seraphina knew what she was signing up for when she wanted to tag along with Connie and Pai. While her roots are in Bonsai Harbor, she wanted to take the opportunity to explore the world around her. If it wasn't for Connie and Pai, who knows when she'll get another chance to do so?

Luci, as expected, took some adjusting to the whole idea of leisure. He's not what they consider the workaholic type - in fact, he's pretty lax - but he's the kind of person who's mind is usually on work mode. He's task oriented, always thinking about getting stuff done, preferably without too much time and effort. It's understandable that he wants the team to be in tip top shape by practicing their fighting skills and coordinating their efforts, but it's not healthy to be constantly focusing on that. After all, the main reason why they're all here is to get their minds off that.

While there will be fighting practices eventually, for now it's best to take it easy. According to the others, Luci's not one to stress out over things, so the fact that he is starting to get a little bit stressed is a warning sign. He was a bit restless and fidgety at first, but he's in a completely unfamiliar place and not doing any adventuring or knight stuff for the first time ever so it's understandable. In a way it kinda feels like post grad life when you're pretty much done with school forever and now you don't know what to do with yourself.

Like Noelle, Luci's been running errands and hanging with the campers. He's been trying a bit of everything - hiking, fishing, bug catching, gardening, building furniture - he's a jack of all trades. So far, he's been enjoying all these activities, especially crafting stuff with Reese and Cyrus. In fact, when he got a look at Daisy Jane's gyroid designs, he wanted to join in on the fun too!

Looks like the adventure team's gonna be back at the camp for a gyroid event (or more) as Noelle, Amber, Xiang, and Seraphina want to design stuff as well. So there's potential for many more visits, which will be amazing!

Xiang's been cooking up a storm - figuratively for the most part. Thankfully, since it's outdoors, damage was minimal - though it's fire so while it wasn't that bad, the potential for disaster was high. Thankfully Seraphina and Xingqiu quickly put out the fires so crisis averted.

She's the kind of chef who likes experimenting in the kitchen, coming up with the most unusual recipes. Apparently the slime creatures they fight off leave essences that can be edible, so she keeps vials of them. Fire ones are spicy, wind ones have a dry, bitter flavor, icy ones are kinda minty with a hint of honey, water ones are umami - it's interesting to learn about. Other unusual ingredients Xiang has on hand are ground up boar horns, jade sparkledust, snowflake ash, and clearfish scales.

Don't let the unusual ingredients fool you - most of her food is not only edible, but also delicious. There's a reason why the gang isn't worried about starving if stranded in the middle of nowhere. Xiang can even make dirt edible - something which she's trying to do but hasn't figured out yet.

Xingqiu has taken an interest in gardening, which is perfect because I have been once again neglecting my garden. Maybe neglecting is a strong word but lately, other than flower events, I haven't been planting much. I'm trying to keep up with that but it's so much effort, especially trying to cross-pollinate for rare flowers. Xingqiu considers himself a novice when it comes to planting flowers but he's already got much better luck than me with getting rare seeds. I think his water powers have something to do with the blooms coming out more vibrant and full than usual.

He and Noelle have also been into taking interior decor classes with Lotte at the Happy Room Academy. Speaking of that, I've kinda fallen behind on those classes too. Sunny's rank is Legend while I've been lingering at Master - I didn't even know there was a Legend rank until Sunny told me.

Well, just because I run the camp doesn't mean I can do everything. I've tried, but as the camp grew, I had to learn how to prioritize. While I can put in some time to gardening and catching up with Happy Room Academy classes, they're not something I really want to do. As for gardening, I kinda have a love-hate thing so tending to that feels more like a chore than a fun activity. I'm not the best at gardening and I'm okay with that.

As for Connie, they've been working nonstop since meeting Pai. They've kinda fallen into the leader role by default and as a result has been under a lot of pressure. They mentioned feeling a bit guilty, like being miscast in a role or something. There's also the fact that Connie pretty much started from the ground up, so they worked extra hard to earn everyone's respect as well as be able to fight in combat on the same level as the others. They've done so much in such a short time, Pai was right in trying to get them to slow down.

Like Luci said, they're all capable fighters, but as a team they still have a lot to learn. To put it bluntly, compared to other adventurers in terms of combat and strategy, they're pretty average. All of them admit they're a bit of a mess - then again, who isn't? As much as they have accomplished together, there's always a voice in the back of their minds questioning whether they could've done better. And it's not just themselves, it's also the societal pressure to not only do well, but to exceed and be the best. While that tries to be a motivating message, it does more harm than good.

That brings me back to my main point - you don't have to be exceptional at what you do. It's a message I'm still learning myself, especially since I grew up in a culture where I'm told that I'm not trying hard enough if I'm not constantly pushing my limits. Despite what society wants you to think, it's okay to be average, to just be.

After all, none of them chose to adventure for status and prestige - they're pretty much here because they seek excitement and want to help Connie. As for Connie, they never expected to become somewhat a hero in Bonsai Harbor and Starcatcher, they just wanted to help others. So what if they stumble more than fly? Just because all of them can't take down a massive monster doesn't make them less capable as adventurers - it just means combat isn't one of their strong suits yet - and that's okay. After all, they're still getting to know each other and such.

For now, we're all just gonna take our sweet time just chilling out. Self-care's important, but sometimes we get so caught up in everything else that we put ourselves last.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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