#i guess when i finally figure out how to review this book i won't have to figure out how to describe this aspect on my own....

[lepertamar]

gonna literally cry maybe about these 3 reviewers's descriptions of šehhinah!G-d in Lives:

both involves God as an absorbing (in two different senses) curious, tricksterly character who delights in inviting the new and the other and the chaotic and can be actually worthy of monotheism; and the secret realization that God is not in fact the only god, and that there are normal humans who, if told this secret, could, by identifying as a god, make it become so, reach apotheosis and in effect topple Them in some way? x

God who, according to the covenant made before even Nam’ir’s time, is still painstakingly listening and sorting through the endless cacophonous arguments of hundreds of generations of the world about what kind of afterlife should exist. God is a character with as distinct a personality as any human character, as any sci-fi alien creature: curious, capricious, laughing, deeply proud and vain, a fierce dominant lover to those They burn, a brilliant incorporeal alien telepath who also struggles with communicating in language and strives to help Teśena’s paradoxical theurgy barriers, scoffing at the idea that any person can be ‘too much’ or ’too much like themselves’ — though They do not yet know what Nam’ir knew. The way God’s own limited point of view and expectations are brought through as something relatably familiar enough to feel ironic is fantastically delivered on. x

By this book there is no doubt in my mind: Šehhinah contains my favorite depiction of God I’ve ever read in fiction. From their first appearance, bending attentively over Teśena with smug gleeful arrogance like a summoned genie with folded arms, to their last appearance, bowing low before aer with wry admiring laughter, Their charisma and vividness never abates. They are complex and paradoxical, being extremely prideful and careless, yet extending that demanding confidence to all other beings. Extremely bad at understanding beings unlike themself, but dedicated to achieving this understanding despite being bad at it. I really get the sense that the basic principles of the world, in its amoral branching chains of diverse recombination, feels exactly like what an entity like this would invite and will into existence to mirror Its impulses and curiosity. I found the character of God delicious in book 1, and interesting in their more limited appearance in book 2, but this book, where they go through a truly transformative arc of frustrated confusion, dazzled shock, horror, panic, desperate despair and bitterness, to wicked delight in being defeated and excitement at being able to give other people some of their responsibilities, and never look away from or try to minimize the truth once they see it, is the best. And what, what a partnership they make with Tamar! And the many other holies who appear! x

[gleefullypolin]

Bridgerton Season 3 Review

Ok I sat on it for 24 hours. Watched the episodes about 4 times through...I won't say how many times I've watched the carriage scene because it is an obscene amount of times! So we'll skip that. Either way I'm more focused on the fact I LOVED so much that I don't hate much. in fact why oh why is everyone so focused on parts they hate? I love what we were given in 4 episodes. I wish we could have 22 episodes, but alas we were not so I will cherish what I have. But I guess that's not what I'm here to talk about.

I'll start with the part that EVERYONE seems focused on...

Things I didn't like. (cause damn is anyone ever happy anymore?)

Too many subplots! damn...it was all over the place for a while. While I like the Mondrich's I tired of them quickly. It felt like there was too much of it. And I just didn't need to keep going back to it. Yes you're in society, no you don't want to be. Ok I get it.

Split season - I hate this format. I thought it would be good to have a break in between and I’m cursing it because it ruins the flow and I don’t ever want to do this again! Part 2 YOU MUST MAKE HASTE

But yes that's all I hated.....I said there wasn't a lot. Because I truly didn't hate this season!

Things I didn’t love or hate

Fran – I haven’t read her book so I was taken by her story with John. They were sweet. It took me a moment to get into what was going on. I loved her scene with Pen. I like that she was nervous and unsure where to go or what to do and that John was a serene moment for her. It seems sweet but again…a subplot that felt like it was taking up too much time in this season that needed its own season to ruminate on.

Ben – color me still confused on what they are doing with Ben’s story. I am still waiting for them to figure it out. I love Ben, I love his sweet nature and his giddiness but I am still not sure what they are trying to do with him and again, wasn’t sure what was going on.

Debling – Ok so why is he here. Well quite simply because I didn’t hate him. He wasn’t awful. He was very nice and lovely to Pen. I was very happy when she finally told him she didn’t like grass. That line alone was adorable. But the part I didn’t love was in the pieces where he was going away for 3 years, and he expected her to be there to take care of his home and yet have no other attachments, and no love. He quite clearly told her he had no space for love. He had many other things and was a busy man, so love was not really on his agenda. Yet he expected her to remove that from her life and have no attachments. I am happy he released her because he knew she had an attachment already and couldn’t be a woman with none, but I thought that was pretty harsh to expect a lonely woman. So to me Colin was right, he was too particular.

Things I thought worked well!

Sending Kate and Anthony on Honeymoon – I get it. Everyone wants to see them, but I felt they needed to go because the space was already crowded enough with everyone else’s stories, so to set up the season, something needed to go.

Surprisingly Cressida and Eloise – It gave some depth to Cressida I wasn’t expecting. I still hate her, do NOT get me wrong. It gave depth and I felt sorry for her but damn she’s still gross and not my cup of tea. She’s still out to get Pen at every turn and she’s quick to be evil regardless of knowing better. Evil parents be damned, I don’t care for her. I did looove how she turned the gossip piece on El when she wasn’t the one who spoiled the news about Pen/Colin and it was actually El who did it. I thought that was a great learning moment for El.

The Brothel scenes – I KNOW I KNOW! Shoot me, tar me, boil me. Whatever, fandom curse on me. I thought they worked and were needed. I felt they did a great job with Colin and showing that he went away to become this society man or what society expected of him. His façade that he pushed and portrayed demanded him to play this part and he played it well. And it ate at him. And the two scenes could not have been more different if they had tried. It was a turning point, the breaking point in his armor and they did a great job with it.

Cocky Colin/Colin with his Buddies Scene - I know many hated this Colin, but I love this facade he played with because it wasn't our Colin and we were supposed to see that, because we didn't get our Colin until he was with Pen more. That was the whole damn point. But I truly loved the scene with Colin and the assholes at the bar. Where he so clearly called them out and realized that the whole charade was simply that and what was the entire point, because he couldn't find it anymore. Kudos to Luke, it was a great scene and the period was added when he shunned them at the Queen's ball.

Violet/Colin Staircase Moment – Really great moment between mother and son. The whole time I kept saying, damn is anyone going to notice that Colin is spiraling. Mom is really focused on her daughter, but no one seems to notice that Colin is a mess. Colin points out to El that Pen has no father to guide her, well neither does Colin! Another point of showing that Pen really is his anchor and without that he is adrift. But this scene was beautifully done as she finally called out to him and sent him in the right direction.

Colin’s change after the kiss – This was really before Debling was in the picture. He was really there following her like a lost puppy from the start, but any suitor he was very interested in how she felt about them but his interest started to change after the kiss. The scene under the tree was very nervous energy, very off his Axis from what we had scene from his bravado in any other scene so far and this was from ONE KISS. He was Colin again.

Eloise – Oh how I was so back and forth with my tears between Pen and El and Colin. My God my heartstrings. I was angry then sad then torn. I don’t know how I’m going to feel in episode 5. Am I angry, excited, freaking terrified at what is coming next. Probably all of the above. But they really played with our emotions and I’m just not sure how I feel yet so more to come on this.

Things I adored!!

Chaos Colin – Bribing a maid for alone time at night, sneaking off with head nods at balls, meeting under the shade of a tree, sneaking off to the drawing room to set up a pretend ball, flirting with your bestie at the market while recounting your first meeting, chasing after her everywhere she goes, eye fucking her in front of the entire ballroom while trying to get your damn thoughts to catch up, fucking interrupting a goddamn dance to tell her not to marry someone, chasing a carriage down in the middle of the Queens ball to make sure she didn’t get married, ravaging her like the Queen she was in the carriage, and then damn proposing like a madman! I mean….I’ll take that every day!

Penelope Fucking Featherington You Queen– Our pining came from the Bridgerton side this year, not Penelope. For most of this season, she stood her ground, she had her purpose and she went for her plan and stuck to it. She has been in love with Colin Bridgerton since she graced our screen and he was staring her down like a madman and she stayed her course. You go girl!

The Featheringtons– Most of my fun came from their scenes. I could have peed myself when they asked what got inserted. But their scenes were hilarious, and I truly enjoyed the comedy they added. I am anxiously awaiting the Colin/Portia scene in Part 2 because Mama has got hers coming. I was up and down with her and ready to beat her by end of episode 4. I cannot wait to see where this goes.

The Carriage Scene – Did you really think it would not be on here? Because hot holy damn. Nicola winning the battle to touch his hair was so important because Pen did in the book, and it set off fireworks. Did you see the way he watched her like he was marveling at her reaction. Like it was air just to see what he was doing to her. I mean if you’ve read the book you know he likes that and it’s something he quite enjoys, well show Colin enjoys it too, that and biting her lip. But the laughing after…that’s where I live now. That was Pen and Colin and everything I wanted to see. It was perfection! And his face after, his resolve to marry her, Luke put that all out there in 5 seconds, you could see him walk through that decision in his head and then the line was delivered masterfully and here we are now needing to sit for a month to wait to see what fresh hell and heaven await.

And I AM READY FOR IT!

[jonathanwrotethis]

The Rhoscolyn Coastal Path

I finally fell asleep a little after 1am last night - after lying in bed listening to noises in the roof-space of the ancient cottage we’re staying in. A furious guest had written a review on the agent’s website complaining about a mouse infestation that nobody else seemed to have experienced, or found. I figured it out.

The hot water and heating system for the cottage obviously has pipes retro-fiitted through the rafters - some of which run through the bedroom ceiling. Anybody that’s every lifted their floorboards or re-built ceilings knows that pipes are usually cut into rafters. Guess what happens when pipes get hot? They expand. Guess what happens when a pipe expands, and is cut into rafters that might have swollen over time? It sounds exactly like something running across the roof space. Only it doesn’t - unless it’s a clock-work mouse that keeps a perfect pace, or that accelerates to 60 miles per hour when the heating periodically kicks in.

If you’re wondering how I could tell the difference to the real thing, it’s because we HAD the real thing in our roof space a few years ago. A tile came off the roof, and we had visitors for a few weeks. I poisoned them all (I know, I’ll go to hell), and we had the roof fixed - but for those few nights, we heard them.

Anyway.

This morning was an exercise in learning to slow down. After I had got up, had a shower, got dressed, made coffee, fixed the roman blinds in the living room (I wonder how long they had been broken for?) and sat in the garden listening to the local radio, my other half appeared in her PJs - rubbing her eyes. She was obviously showing me how to do this “going slow” thing.

After an hour of eating toast, drinking our own body-weight in tea, and deliberating about what to wear, we set off towards the coast path, and the wilds of Holy Island.

While walking, exploring, and stopping to watch and listen to various birds, we wished we had brought (a) a bird book, and (b) a pair of binoculars. We own both - several of both - and they are all at home. We saw oyster catchers, kestrels, herring gulls, sparrow hawks, and all manner of smaller birds.

Along the western side of Rhoscolyn we saw numerous groups of climbers on the quite beautiful cliffs and rocks - picking their way from hold to hold, and threading ropes through carabinas. I will admit it gave me the willies just watching them.

After crossing to the eastern coast – with Mount Snowdon and Snowdonia painting picture postcard vistas across the horizon - we passed RAF Valley and dropped down into Silver Bay - walking the beach at low tide on our own before spying a small building selling exactly the kids of refreshments you might like after walking for a few hours.

We won't talk about the elderly norther man walking a dog that nearly attacked us. He *knew* it was dangerous as he approached - looking concerned that they had encountered anybody at all. The dog started bareing it's teeth, and lashed out at despite us both stepping back against the fence as far as we could. I will admit to taking some delight in knowing that he would be walking through a field of bulls in a few minutes time. Let's hope they didn't stampede the dog (not).

Walking back into Rhoscolyn, we stopped once again at the White Eagle, and wondered quite who might own the imposing black house on the edge of the peninsula - replete with fake burial mound stones on the lawn, and Tim Burton-esque gates. We really should look it up.

This evening we’re back in the cottage, overdosed on o-zone and vitamin D, and enjoying the peace and quiet once again.

I wonder if the non existent mice will return this evening?

[artbyace]

interview music game

thanks for the tag @lupinsmoons @murderoushagthesequel @deadgayfurrywizardsinthe70s and @ghostometrist !!

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) <3

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

High achiever, don't you see? Baby, nothing comes for free, They say I'm a control freak, Driven by a greed to succeed

Are You Satisfied? - MARINA

(that couldn’t be any more accurate omg qwq)

2. What kind of [virgo] are you?

Never thought I'd find you, But you're here, and so I love you

Glue Song - beabadoobee

(hopeless romantic virgo 100%)

3. You're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

And I'll be in denial for at least a little while. What about the plans we made?

TV - Billie Eilish

my fav spots do always make me think of the people i’ve lost…

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

If you bite my hand again, I will never feed you, you can call me evil

EVIL - Melanie Martinez

(i use this song to visualize getting back and healing from all of my trauma and troubles so i HOPE a movie about my life would have this vibe)

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

I don't miss you, I miss the thought of what we were

It’s All Futile! It’s All Pointless! - Lovejoy

6. What would you say about your best friends?

You ought to know that I think we're one and the same (<33)

the perfect pair - beabadoobee

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

Pipe down with the noise, I cannot bear my sorrow. I hate who I was before. I fear I won't live to see the day tomorrow, Someone tell me if this is Hell

VOID - Melanie Martinez

(i’m still a teenager so this is just my Now motto,,)

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

Cut you off, watch you die, Just a fairy with a knife

NYMPHOLOGY - Melanie Martinez

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

Now your name makes all the life inside me shake, But I guess God wants us apart for heaven's sake

So Alright, Cool, Whatever - The Happy Fits

(OW??)

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

Well alrighty Aphrodite

Alrighty Aphrodite - Peach Pitt

(100% not the context in the song but it’s silly and if Someone did think of me as aphrodite i would marry them instantly)

im so late to do this and i don’t wanna retag ppl so imma just leav this open to any followers who wants to join ;>>

[taiblogcomics]

As Good As Green

Hey there, deer crackers. Well, it's Thursday, and that means it is another comic review and not a terrible soda. Frankly, I'm not sure which is worse. Both leave a bad taste in your mouth. Finishing a single issue of Countdown is quicker than drinking that soda, but finishing all of Countdown takes much, much longer. And in today's example, both of them are even green! I guess I'll leave this one to the philosophers~

How green is my cover?

Hey, a few months ago, do you remember me early on alluding to the idea that Kyle Rayner might show up in this series? Surprise, Kyle Rayner has finally shown up in this series. You can't escape editorial mandates forever, Kyle! And while this cover does look good (let's get that out of the way), it won't save this series! And while we know you were the Jesus metaphor of the Green Lantern books, it won't help you here. At least we're getting that imagery from someone other than Superman for once, though~

Recap time! Donna Troy, Jason Todd, and pals are looking throughout for Ray Palmer, this series' saviour figure, but got caught by a magical queen. Pied Piper and Trickster were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Wally West won't forgive. Karate Kid and Una are on a long fetch quest to heal the sick. Mary Marvel got the Judas treatment for over-trusting Klarion the Witchboy. Jimmy Olsen receive magic god powers he doesn't know how to use. And Holly Robinson and Harley Quinn are the chosen champions of a different pantheon altogether. Now let us pray we can get through this issue~

So we open right where we left off for once, with Flash interrogating Trickster and Pied Piper after having beaten the hell out of them. They're still trying to beg for both mercy and belief on their tale of the attack on Green Arrow's wedding. Here's another weird bit: Piper also claims they've been implanted with explosive chips in their necks (standard Suicide Squad setup). How or why this happened when they already have a lethal electric handcuff to keep them in line, I don't know. But Wally vibrates the chips out of their necks and blows them up over the harbour.

With the revelation that the explosive chips were true, Wally is inclined to believe them about other things they're saying. For now, at least. Wally then demands details, but all Piper and Trickster know is that Deathstroke is planning "something", and will kill them if it gets out they squealed. Wally calls up Zatanna for help, and the instant they hear her name, Piper and Trickster panic about mindwipes and try to run away. However, they get caught up in whatever teleporter Wally is using, and beam away with him.

So the mindwipe thing is a reference to Identity Crisis, which was already on the required reading for Ray Palmer's backstory leading into this. Long story short, Dr. Light used to be a much more reprehensible villain and attempted sexual assault on Ralph Dibny's wife back in the day. He was caught mid-act, and the Justice League voted to mindwipe him to make him more docile. Dr. Light eventually recovered his memory, but I don't know how or when this became public info among the supervillain community as a whole, particularly reformed ones like Piper and Trickster. But it's hardly the only goof in Countdown's plotting, now is it~?

Speaking of Ray Palmer, the Multiverse Crew out looking for him sure seem to be in a spot. Donna Troy and Queen Plot-Irrelevant are still fighting, and Ryan Choi (now full-size, not trapped, and not a bug) keeps Jason Todd from jumping in. Jason instead opts to help Bob the Monitor. Bob is also inexplicably freed from Queenathon's control. Thankfully, before this can get any more confusing, Kyle Rayner descends from on high to deus ex machina our way out of this plotline. He knocks out the queen, pulls Donna free from the multiverse hole, and joins the party. He's also uncharacteristically flirty with Donna, which stood out to me as a Green Lantern reader.

So Mary Marvel is being held prisoner in a magic bubble, with the intent of being sold. But then Klarion suggest she covers her ears, and as she does so, she's suddenly struck with some sort of sonic spell. Turns out, the bubble Klarion made was a shield, as she was being targeted by another magician, who didn't like her approaching his stall uninvited. Klarion's just playful with his intentions. He doesn't have any ill intentions or desire for compensation himself, he's just a good witchboy. Well, except for maybe a tiny bit of her own power…

So you want confusing shit, huh? We join Jimmy Olsen as he's running through the streets, doing things. Most of these things include dodging a blue sedan tailing him. Truly the most sinister of all cars. This is just very confusing, as it drops us into this instead of building up to him noticing he's being followed as he leaves Steel's lab. Either way, this is all pointless, as his escape gets cut off--he's a guy trying to avoid a car on foot, after all--and a guy steps out. He explains he's the director of Cadmus Labs, and wants to throw his resources behind helping Jimmy solve his problems. Surely this meeting could've been an email~

So Flash has teleported Piper and Trickster to Zatanna's mansion, where guests are staying for the wedding. He assures them they don't mindwipe anyone anymore, and he's just stashing them somewhere safe until he can look into their lead. He also refuses to undo the handcuffs, since he doesn't fully trust them yet. As soon as Flash leaves, the two of them start fighting again. Trickster thinks it's still a trap to be mindwiped, and Piper wants to stay put. So Trickster punches Piper out, and tries to escape, only to trigger one of Zatanna's magical defenses: a mummy with a sword. The finest in home security!

So, to finish up, we return to our cover group. Say, does following five characters around seem like a lot? The comic sure thinks so, as suddenly a giant hand reaches out of the sky, picks up Ryan Choi, and pulls him out of the story. This is probably explained in his solo series, but I haven't read it (I should fix that some time). Kyle and Donna want to go after him, but Jason points out that he's not the Atom they're looking for, and they should move on. Bob concurs, and while the other two don't like it, the comic ends with the four of them heading off for more filler. I mean, adventures.

Well, I'll admit, this isn't an awful issue or anything. Kyle's introduction and promotion to main cast member feels really out of nowhere, even if it was technically foreshadowed way back. Ryan Choi's departure is also very abrupt, and the comic never even gives you a "Find out what happened to Ryan in All-New Atom #whatever", which would at least be something I could look up. Pretty sure that's his last appearance or even mention in Countdown, so fuck you if you wanted closure, I guess~

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

[palimpsessed]

So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Another Duke Reviews Xtra Where We Continue Our Look At Disney...

Last Sunday On Duke Reviews, I Reviewed Disney's Fantasia Which Features Mickey As The Sorcerer's Apprentice Well, Today We're Going To Switch Mickey With The Voice Of Hiccup From How To Train Your Dragon In Jerry Bruckheimer's Version Of The Sorcerer's Apprentice...

This Film Stars Nicholas Cage As Balthazar Blake, Who Is A Sorcerer In Modern Day Manhattan That Fights Against The Forces Of Evil In Particular, His Arch Nemesis And Former Partner, Maxim Horvath (Played By Doc Ock) While Searching For The Prime Merlinean, The Person Who Will Inherit Merlin's Powers...

This Turns Out To Be Dave Stutler (Played By Jay Baruchel) A Physics Student Who Balthazar Takes As His Apprentice, Giving Dave A Crash Course In The Art And Science Of Magic And Sorcery So They Can Stop Horvath And Morgana Le Fay From Raising The Souls Of Her Evil Dead Servants So They Can Take Over The World...

Will Dave And Balthazar Stop Them?

Let's Find Out As We Watch The Sorcerer's Apprentice...

The Movie Starts With An Intro By Ian McShane...

Balthazar Spends The Ages Trying To Find The Prime Merlinean With No Child Being Successful Until The Year 2000...

When A 10 Year Old Named Dave Stutler (Played By Ben Stiller's Son From Night At The Museum) Encounters Balthazar In His Antique Store, After Straying Away From His Class Field Trip. Giving Dave The Dragon Figurine, It Comes To Life And Forms A Ring On Dave's Finger, Revealing Dave To Be The Prime Merlinean...

But When Balthazar Goes To Get A Book Of Spells For Dave, Dave Accidentally Knocks Over The Grimhold, Releasing Horvath From His Prison...

(Start At 2:34)

Found By His Classmates And Teacher, Dave Is Ridiculed By His Classmates When He Tells Them What He Saw Only For The Shop To Be Completely Empty, But Either Way Dave Keeps The Ring...

Fast Forwarding 20 Years Later, Dave Is Now A Physics Student At NYU Where He Meets His Childhood Crush, Becky Barnes (Played By Teresa Palmer)...

No, Not Bucky Barnes, Becky Barnes Though The Possibility Of Relation Can Be Questioned...

With His Feelings For Her Quickly Coming Back, He Repairs The Transmitting Mast Of The Radio Station She Works At After It Is Struck By Lightning. Released From The Urn After 10 Years, Horvath And Balthazar Escape To Continue Their Missions With Horvath Being The First To Get To Dave..

(Start At 0:38)

Landing On Top Of The Chrysler Building, Dave Refuses To Help Balthazar As He's Been Under Psychiatric Care Since They First Met But Saying That Once They Get The Grimhold, He'll Leave, Dave Decides To Help By Taking Balthazar To Chinatown Where It Has Been Located While Giving Dave Sorcery 101...

But When They Get There They Discover That Horvath Has The Grimhold And He Has Unleashed One Of The Evil Sorcerers That Was Inside Of It With This One Being A Chinese Warlock Named Sun-Lok, Who Fights Balthazar Until It Ends Up On The Streets Of Chinatown...

(End At 2:47)

Changing His Mind After Defeating Sun-Lok, Dave Becomes Balthazar's Apprentice, Giving Him A Book That Holds The History Of Sorcery As Dave Agrees To Take On The Responsibility Of Being His Apprentice...

Meanwhile, Horvath Goes To Visit A Current Evil Sorcerer Named Drake Stone, Who Is A Criss Angel Type Magician (Played By Doctor Doom From Fan4stic) To Ask For His Help Against Balthazar And Dave...

Taking A Break On A Bench, Balthazar And Dave On A Bench Across From Becky's Radio Station. Figuring Out That Dave Likes Her, Balthazar Is Somewhat Negative On The Relationship Stating That Love Is Not Good For A Sorcerer...

But Dave Follows Her To A Subway Station Where A Mugger Robs Them At Gunpoint, Stealing Becky's Grandmother's Bracelet But Chasing After The Mugger, Dave Uses His Magic To Knock Him Out And Return Becky's Stuff, Impressing Her...

The Next Day, Horvath Plans To Use The Satellite Dishes In The Financial District When The Spell Is Cast By Morgana, While Balthazar Continues Training Dave Only To Be Interrupted By Becky Who Comes Over For Dave To Tutor Her In Physics. Despite Trying To Put A Dampener On Their Relationship, Balthazar Leaves..

Showing Off His Tesla Coils, Dave Uses Them To Make Musical Sounds From Stevie Wonder's Superstition...

To OneRepublic...

So He Can Impress Becky...

It's Not Quite Can You Feel The Love Tonight But...It Works...

But As Becky And Dave Start Somewhat Of A Relationship, Dave Gets Encountered In The Bathroom By Stone And Horvath, Who Ask Dave Where The Grimhold Is After Telling Him The Truth That Veronica Is Inside Of The Grimhold...

Saved By Balthazar, Who Traps Horvath Inside Of A Mirror Temporarily And Knocks Out Stone, Dave Tells Him That He's Tired Of The Lies And Wants To Know The Truth Which Leads Balthazar To Tell Dave The Entire Backstory Again So That Dave Will Know Everything..

Getting Ready For His Date, Dave Attempts To Clean Up The Lab But Frustrated At The Mess, Dave Brings A Broom To Life Which Leads To A Recreation Of The Sorcerer's Apprentice Scene From Fantasia...

(Start At 0:25)

And Yes, I Know That Some People Complained That "They F-ed This Up This Is In No Way As Good As Fantasia!" And While That's True I Still Like This Scene For What It Is, The Actual Sorcerer's Apprentice Scene With Hiccup From How To Train Your Dragon...

Chastising Dave For Using Magic As A Shortcut, Dave And Balthazar Get Into A Big Fight Which Leads Dave To Storm Out In Anger...

Seeing Becky With Her Friends, Dave Leaves In Defeat Feeling Like He Doesn't Belong But Following Him To The Rooftop Where Balthazar Had Taken Him, Dave Is About To Throw Away The Ring, But She Stops Him, Saying That Nothing Is Ruined And That She Really Cares About Him...

Disguised As Dave, Drake Traps Balthazar So Horvath Can Search The Lab To Find The Grimhold As Horvath Reveals That The Reason He Turned Evil Was Because He Was Jealous Of Veronica Choosing Balthazar Over Him...

But Freeing Himself Balthazar Fights Horvath And Almost Loses Until The Real Dave Arrives To Save Him But Unfortunately Drake And Horvath Manage To Find The Grimhold And Leave With It...

Following Them In Balthazar's Car In A Chase That Ends Up In The Mirror Dimension From Doctor Strange, Horvath And Drake Still Get Away By Turning A Person Into A Veronica Look Alike...

Knowing That Balthazar Let Horvath Go For That Reason, Balthazar Finally Comes Clean That Veronica Was His One True Love Which Leads Dave To Decide That They Are Going To Get Veronica Out Of The Grimhold And Destroy Morgana Forever...

Back At Drake's Apartment, Drake Wonders How They're Going To Open The Last 2 Shells Of The Grimhold Only For Horvath To Use A Parasite Spell To Steal Drake's Powers And Life Force...

So He Can Open The Next Shell Which Releases Abigail Williams, A Witch From The Salem Witch Trials Who Kidnaps Becky At The Radio Station But Unfortunately After That, Horvath Uses The Parasite Spell On Her So He Can Eventually Free Morgana...

I Guess It Just Comes Down To...

Arriving At Drake's Apartment For The Grimhold, Balthazar Gets Caught In A Persian Rug Quick Sand Trap While Dave Gets The Grimhold Only For Horvath To Enter With Becky With His Cane On Her Throat Stating To Give Him The Ring And The Grimhold Or Becky Dies...

Realizing He Has No Other Option, Dave Does Just That Only For Horvath To Fire A Energy Bolt At Becky And Dave Which They Dodge And Flee As Balthazar Escapes The Quick Sand Trap...

Apologizing To Balthazar For Failing, He Accepts Saying That He Would Have Done The Same Thing Before Flying Away On A Giant Metal Eagle To Becky's Shock...

Dave Tries Dropping Off Becky But She Won't Have It As She's Involved Now So They Come Up With A Plan To Use Dave's Tesla Coils Strapped To Balthazar's Car To Defeat Morgana As Horvath Unleashes Morgana From The Grimhold In Battery Park...

Finding Them, Balthazar Fights Horvath Off As He Raises The Bull Market Bull Statue To Life So It Can Chase Balthazar. Believing Himself To Be Victorious, Dave Arrives To Halt Horvath's Celebration By Using Tesla Coils To Destroy His Cane, Defeating Him And The Bull..

But As That Happens, Becky Disrupts The Spell By Moving One Of The Satellites Which Leaves Balthazar To Suck Morgana's Soul Into His Body, Freeing Veronica...

With Balthazar Not Breathing, Dave Uses His Magic To Resuscitate Him So He'll Live Happily Ever After With Veronica As Becky Arrives For Her And Dave To Live Happily Ever After By Taking The Giant Eagle To Paris...

We Get An End Credits Scene Which Reveals That Horvath Will Return In A Sequel That Will Never Happen Thanks To Everyone, Who Didn't Like This Film...

And That's The Sorcerer's Apprentice And How Could Anyone Not Like This Movie?

The Story Is Great, The Action Scenes Are Amazing, The Cast Was Good, I Just Honestly Enjoyed It As Much As I Enjoyed The National Treasurer Movies Who's Director Jon Turtletaub Directed This..

You Know Some People Consider This As One Of The Disney Reboots But I Seriously Don't And The People That Do Are Idiots Only Question I Have Is Why Did This Movie Not Do Great?, Is It Because There Wasn't A Nicholas Cage Freak Out In It?

Newsflash! We Do Not Need A Nicholas Cage Freak Out In Every Movie He's In!

The First National Treasurer Movie Didn't Have A Nicholas Cage Freak Out And Look How Well That Did At The Box Office Where The Second One Did And Look How Bad That One Ended Up, I Still Like The Second National Treasurer Movie And I'll See The Thrid One When And If It Comes Out But Still...

Either Way I Say Don't Listen To The Haters And See This Movie...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off

[officialdjuk]

What if T.O.M Reviews Castlevania II: Simon's Quest?

T.O.M: This game sucks.

T.O.M: Castlevania 1 and 3 are great classic Nintendo games, but for Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest, the game designers obviously were not thinking straight. At first, it seems like a pretty decent game, a little different from the first in the series but, that's okay. Zelda 2 was different from the first, Mario 2 was different, but they were all good.

T.O.M: The first thing that's strikingly different is the fact that you have to go through towns, talk to people and buy stuff. I never really minded that, it makes it a little more like an adventure story and it's kinda like Zelda, so that's okay. But the first problem comes in when it changes from day to night.

- gameplay of Castlevania II starts -

T.O.M: Why does this need to happen so often? Like, every five minutes? Why does it take so long? Nobody feels like sitting through this every time. How would you like it if you were playin' a game and then every five minutes I came over, and paused it, then counted ten tedious seconds, and then let you continue play the game?

T.O.M: Now, I mean, why did they think that that would be a good idea and interrupt the gameplay, did they think it would be more realistic? I mean, in real life I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and a fuckin' box doesn't pop up in the air. I mean, this is one of the most annoying features in any game ever. What's the point? Yeah, the, I mean, the monsters are stronger at night and the stores are closed, but why's that necessary and why does the game have to stop? It's fuckin' retarded.

T.O.M: And why do you have to die when you fall in the water? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. This guy can go all over fightin' hordes of evil monsters, but he can't even fuckin' swim?

T.O.M: Sometimes I don't feel like goin' down the stairs just to get down to ground level, I mean, there's no reason I should have to do that when I can just take a shortcut and jump down. But, oops! I shouldn't do that, there might be water down there.

T.O.M: Another thing that's really annoying about this game is the fact that you have to buy weapons and items. I mean, still, that's not uncommon, you know like I said: that's the same thing you have to do in many great games, like Zelda, but, lemme explain.

T.O.M: Here you have to collect hearts, which count as money. I mean, that's kinda odd, because usually hearts count as life or energy, y' know, so that's kinda strange. But, y' know that's not the point. The point is that the items you need to buy are too fuckin' expensive, and the hearts don't add up enough. It takes too long to get enough of them to buy something, and it gets boring wandering around killing the same monsters over and over again just so you can buy a Flame Whip or somethin'.

T.O.M: Speaking of Flame Whip, that's pretty weird itself, isn't it? I mean, they were really being creative with that one, the flame whip.

T.O.M: Anyway, about the hearts: It takes too long to buy stuff, and, to add onto the problem, when you die, you lose all your hearts and you have to start all over again. I mean, doing this doesn't add to any of the games' difficulty or challenge, it just makes us have to do more of the same monotonous stuff over again, and it's not fun, it's boring.

T.O.M: Oh, look, I finally got enough hearts to go and buy a plant that I need to cross the swamp, now let me get to the store.

T.O.M: Oh shit, it's fuckin' night time, now the stores are all closed and I have to wait for it to turn day again. Oh well, I might as well kill some zombies in the meantime and stock up on some more hearts.

T.O.M: OH SHIT! Now I gotta start all over again.

T.O.M: One of the worst things in the game are the Pitfalls, which are areas where there's, like, stones or blocks that look like you could walk on them, but instead you just fall through. It's impossible to tell where these spots are the first time walkin' through, so you just have to keep throwin' Holy Water all over to see where they are. It's retarded. Why should I have to do that? Again, it doesn't add up to any of the fun, y' know, challenge of the game. It's just unfair and it's annoying.

T.O.M: In the dungeons, there's no bosses at the end, which is a big disappointment. Every Nintendo gamester knows that at the end of a level or a dungeon labyrinth, whatever, there's always supposed to be a big guy who ya fight. But here, they just got lazy and only put a few bosses in the game and left some of the dungeons just empty like this one. So, most of the dungeons you go through (the mansions, to be exact), there's nothing at the end except for a crystal orb that you can't touch.

T.O.M: In the rest of the Castlevania games, the tradition goes like this: You fight a boss, you defeat him, then an orb comes down and you touch it, there you go, on to the next level. But in Castlevania 2, how would you ever figure out that you're supposed to throw an Oak Stake at that orb? I mean, when you first get the Oak Stake you assume it's a weapon, and you throw it, only to find that it does absolutely nothing, and that you waste it by throwing it, so you have to get it all over again.

T.O.M: There are parts in the game that are definitely not self-explanatory and are too hard to figure out. Take this dead end for example: Would you guess that you're supposed to pass through this wall? How? You have to kneel down by it for like ten seconds. Now, still, that's not enough to make it so cryptic and hidden that we can't figure it out, oh please, give us more for our buck and make it harder so we can wander around the whole game and exhaust every possibility before we find out. Okay. Guess what? You need to have a Red Crystal selected, and be kneeling down, and wait a little while before this magic tornado comes and takes you to the next part of the game.

T.O.M: Most of the townspeople have things to say which aren't important at all, so why do you have to read 'em? Here, in the dungeons, there's books that you may find which actually give you clues about things in the game that you may need to know about. But, when I find these books, half the time it's by accident, so I may hit the button and cancel it out which means I don't even get to read it and I don't have a second chance.

T.O.M: Why can't I do that when it changes from day to night? That would actually be helpful. So, what the game designers figured is this: it isn't absolutely necessary for me to read about how to find Dracula's castle or what I'm supposed to do with an Oak Stake, but what I do need to read, again and again constantly, is: "The morning sun has vanquished the horrible night". How about "vanquished this horrible GAME"?

T.O.M: The only sure way to get through this awful game is to enter a code, but even that is way more tedious than it should be. While most of the Castlevania games have symbols you enter for a code, this one just has a whole bunch of numbers. I mean, like, one of those little parts would be enough for a password. But why four? Like why so many?

T.O.M: In general, I hate games that have passwords like this, because sometimes they have uppercase and lowercase letters. Like the l's, you know, look like I's, the 0's look like O's, the 8's look like 5's so, why does there have to be so many digits? Y'know, like why can't it just be numbers or somethin'? Like, y' know, just numbers and not letters? I mean, it takes me, like, five minutes to enter this code when it should only take, like, five seconds. It's friggin' stupid.

T.O.M: Okay, so, say we enter the code, and we go to Dracula's castle. You'll be pretty disappointed how anticlimactic this game is. It isn't even worth putting in a code, let alone playing the whole game all the way through, which, if you did, I feel bad for you.

T.O.M: I mean, first of all: there's no enemies in Dracula's castle, you just walk all the way through and the only obstacles are just, like, goin' up and down steps, which won't hurt you and they aren't challenging, either. It's just tedious. I mean, what the hell's the point of going through the castle if there's no way to fight? Did the game designers just, like, run out of time or somethin'?

T.O.M: So then, you get up to Dracula, and guess what? He doesn't look anything like Dracula, he looks like a grim reaper and he throws sickles. I mean, did the people who made this game even know what Dracula is? He's a fuckin' vampire.

T.O.M: Alright, on top of everything, Dracula's way too easy. Check this out. This is a trick I discovered myself and so could you, without the help of any strategy guide. When Dracula first appears, he stands there for a while, and he gives you plenty of time to land lots of free hits. Not only does he stand there for a long time, but everything that hits him will stun him and give you even more time.

T.O.M: Naturally, you'll probably be using the flames, because it's one of the most effective weapons in the game. But, using it against Dracula, it makes it simply impossible for him to even do anything. He has no chance. The second you start throwin' that shit at him, you've already won. I mean, why is it that easy? Did they even test this shitty game out before they released it?

T.O.M: What a piece of shit. I mean, I feel horrible that I had to play this game in order to make this video, but I did it to demonstrate its dreadfulness and I forced myself to play it just so that you don't have to. So, you should thank me for telling you to stay away from this horrible steaming pile of goat shit. I mean, I know it's useless complaining about a game that was made back in the late '80s, or early '90s or whatever, but it just blows my mind how fuckin' horrible it is. I mean, it's consistently annoying.

T.O.M: Why? Why is it so bad? If all these problems were changed then we'd have a great trilogy of classic Castlevania games, but, history is history, and we might as well try to count Castlevania 3 as, you know, the second in the series, and leave this awful piece of horse shit alone, as it stands today as one of the biggest fuck-ups of all time.

T.O.M: We rate Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, well. all i say is this: This game sucks. Thanks for listening

Only Toonami, on [adult swim]

[blogenana]

Doctor Who - Earthshock Live Review

So I have my crisps and lemonade and im ready to continue my journey through classic who - idk why I just started live blogging it...

• People are climbing

• So they've found something- an alien I'm assuming- why do humans always tamper with things we shouldn't

• Oh they haven't found something theyre looking for people

• I hate how classic who drags on so slowly

• Sinister music

• 'probably nothing" foreshadowing...

• Okay get to the killing already

• YES FINALLY HELLO DOCTOR

• Wow I forget they must have their own rooms in the Tardis

• Lots of books in Adrics room

• "why should that interest me" ooh okay Adric getting a bit sassy

• Why's he fed up

• looool "I'm tired of being considered a joke" "why am I being constantly teased" maybe because you're annoying and you make sexist remarks?

• oh chill

• The doctor don't have time to deal with this

• aww okay Adric being jealous that Nyssa and Tegan get more attention from the doctor than him is kinda cute

• 'I give you my word' 'just as you gave your word to Tegan" okaaaaay go off (spoiler alert) ik Adric dies in this because I saw a spoiler so this is very sad foreshadowing that the doctor will break his word to Adric about making time for him- kinda sad

• I hate the celery stick

• okay Adric kick off

• Doctor can't take criticism which is interesting because the last time he was probably ever blamed for something was One with Barbara and Ian. I don't remember any companion ever criticizing him like this before

• 'Well it can wait' you'll regret that

• "I'm tired of being an outsider" this would make sense if we had seen him being an outsider before - in my opinion Tegan is the outsider as she's new and not as mathematically advanced as the others. also I would say that Adric is the closest to the doctor out of all 3 so his point isn't really valid

• I guess this is the writers way of making adrics death more tragic

• ooh Adrics theme

• I swear he was an outsider amongst his own people too

• 'the tools would go missing" why do these people never take the hint

• forgot Adric was from e space- tbh what was the doctors plan when he did demand to go home eventually- did he wanna travel with him till he died?

• "e space is another universe, there isn't a taxi service that goes back and forth"

• Romana mention!

• "im not waiting around while you plot the course to your own destruction" the doctor has never experienced a companion death before - also foreshadowing

• "you know I think since his regeneration he's become decidedly immature" this is funny also like 4 was soooo mature

• I like Adric and Five's relationship

• the actor who plays Adric has gone better

• Nyssa is the most mature out of this entire group

• "breathe deeply and relax" why is Tegan a meditation instructer out of nowhere

• the doctor didn't take much convincing

• lol the doctor bopping Tegans nose was cute

• Ooh Dinosaur bones

• let me guess - the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs was an alien spaceship or aliens killed them

• Someone screamed

• Ooh yeah she be dead

• Okay the villains look like they're wearing gimp costumes

• Reminds me of American Horror Story Murder House & the leather monster

• Aah doctor who giving a lesson on how the dinosaurs were killed. We love a show that educates

• Did I mention how much I hate the celery stick because I hate it honestly whose idea was it

• Bro chill why is this man grabbing the doctor like that what he do

• Calm the fuck down mate

• Gimp people be shooting

• Okay they may be androids but they'll always be gimp people to me

• Android vision

• CYBERMEN!!!! DAMN

• Why they gotta hit us with the plot twist like that i wasn't ready

• The Cybermen looks sad

• Hehehe the face is funny

• Gimps be strong

• Why do the Cybermen sound muffled

• I find it more creepy when they have human voices than Robots because it makes It more real that these machines have humans in them

• hHaven't seen them in some time

• I love Tegans sarcasm

• I'm cracking up at the Cybermen voice

• 1 gimp down 1 to go

• tThe gimps be dead

• 'prepare to activate the devise" dun dun DUN

• Damn the Cybermen be skinny

• I'm bored i want doctor/cybeman action

• Okay it's getting intense

• Cybermen be SHOOK

• "cyber technology is too advanced for earthlings" figure it out then mate

• He's recognised the Tardis

• THE BEST DIALOGUE "TIME LORDS, BUT THEYRE FORBIDDEN TO INTERFERE"

• THIS ONE CALLS HIMSELF THE DOCTOR, AND DOES NOTHING BUT INTERFERE

• YESS PREVIOUS DOCTORS VS CYBERMEN

• I'm geeking out

• Imma watch this bit a few times hang on

• Aah I loved that it was so cool bloody hell I'm a nerd

• The 2nd Cybermen looked shocked while he was watching

• "have you no emotions sir" classic

• "Adric do you have a moment" "I'm hungry" Okay I like him in this one he's a mood. Why is he suddenly likeable the ep he dies

• "all part of the daily routine" see what I mean

• Well your daily routine Is gonna end soon

• He doesn't wanna go home!!

• Doctor is relieved it's cute

• Ah this is sad

• It would be easier if i didn't know he was gonna die

• Cos I do like their relationship

• Okay we're being introduced to new people

• "you're beginning to bore me" the writers knew

• I'm trying really hard to concentrate I've zoned out

• Ah the doctor has got my attention "I want to announce my presence, see what the reaction is" course

• aaaand the doctor is caught and he's being accused for murder again

• Don't they have cctv just check it

• "apprehended why can't he just say caught" me in English classes

• 'even under the threat of death he has the arrogance of a time lord"

• I thought Cybermen had no emotions but this Cybermen just said he wants the doctor to suffer for their past defeats - revenge is an emotion which is v ironic

• Hh SHIT the Cybermen are walking

• lol tegan " im just a mouth and legs" she's such a mood

• The Cybermen music is cool

• The doctors face when he sees them

• Aah the soldier has betrayed them

• Why is it that whenever there's a women in charge the men who is second can't handle it and goes rogue

• iIt's such a typical trope

• The dialogue for the doctor is great

• "you know them"

• "oh yes, we go back a long way"

• Haha "I'm surprised they didn't mention me" 'well perhaps you overestimate your importance" "oh I doubt it" doctor is and will always be that bitch

• The doctor is doing doctory things

• "that's very clever" "oh it is" the doctor bragging about how clever he is starts here

• Damn tegan she just shot a Cyberman

• Flashback to "the doctor makes people into weapons"

• Finally the doctor vs Cybermen showdown

• Lol I knew they would kill the betrayer

• "our records indicate that you have a fondness for earth" (especially earth girls)

• "this time we shall succeed in destroying the earth" no you won't mate

• Ah the Cybermen coming out of plastic Wrap is a throwback to the 2nd Doctor Cybermen story

• Tegan looks like a badass with the gun

• So they're destroying the leaders of various planets before they destroy the Cybermen

• Tegan has no idea what she's doing

• I love how Five says the most savage lines with the most polite tone

• He could tear you down and look like he's complimenting you

• Tegan has been caught

• Cyberman in the Tardis is weird

• 'who is this woman' - 'no-one of consequence' - 'thanks a lot - gotta love Tegan

• Okay wow that scene between the doctor and the Cyberman about emotions gave me goose bumps what a thrilling scene

• The Cybermen has a point- he can control the doctor because he has emotions

• I'll never get tired of the debate about emotions between them because it genuinely feels like the Cyberman defend the concept of having no emotions to defend their existence

• Five looks hot when he's defending emotions

• Fuck they need to leave Adric behind

• Shit I'm getting nervous

• His theme is playing!

• The Doctor looks conflicted

• Adric leaving his hand out after the doctor let go...

• "I'll see you soon" this is the actors best performance because you can see in his eyes he knows he won't

• The Doctor has never had a companion die before so he walks away without looking back

• "it will once you start getting rusty" Tegan is funny

• Adric is plotting

• The Cybermen say they have no emotions but forcing Tegan watch her own planet getting destroyed is extremely sadistic

• Clever Adric

• The Earth looks different

• Okay so Adric's cleverness is what gets him killed because he knows he can crack the code

• The Dinosaurs! I knew it!

• Oh crap Earth is safe but Adric doesn't know that

• I think this comes down to Adric wanting the doctors attention and wanting to be the best to have his attention

• The Doctor has his pin!

• Five suffocating and shooting a Cyberman is shocking to see

• Adric whyyyyyy

• This Cyberman walking towards him is bloody persistent

• "Now I'll never know if i was right" such Adric last words

• Id like to believe he was

• Damn.

• The Doctors face. The fact that it could have been avoided if he just left the ship

• Adric is the first companion that died on the Doctor's watch

• Adric died thinking the Earth was going to be destroyed and he could have stopped it

• The credits!! his gold star! the silence! this must have been a shock to the viewers. If i didn't know beforehand through spoilers I would be going crazy

• Earthshock had it's ups and downs, the downs in regards to the pace of the plot however the story was good and the Cybermen were fantastic especially their interactions against the doctor. Tegan and Adric were great. Nyssa didn't really have much to do. Davison was amazing. I liked the writing.

• Also I liked the structural shift of the story to the cave androids to the bomb to the spaceship to dealing with The Cybermen to saving Earth and then to Adrics death

[dark-ink-drinker]

This book is a bit of a monster for a YA romance at 462 pages. And it reads a little slower than I find most YA read. I can't lie, while cute, What f

With the exception of What If It's Us, I've never read anything by Becky Albertalli but I've read a few of Adam Silvera's books. In fact, the reason I first read What if It's Us is because I enjoy Adam Silvera's books so much.

So quick review, Ben and Arthur's story starts with a meet-cute in a post office during summer, when Arthur is in town interning and Ben is mailing a box of things back to his cheating ex-boyfriend. It's quite an adventure how they meet, lose each other, find each other again and half a HUGE roller coaster of a whirlwind. They fall in love quickly and intensely.... and I don't mean to ruin it but they don't end up together in the end. Which is fine, not all love stories are forever love stories and while I really love them together, it was sort of refreshing to have a non-Hollywood, rom com ending. It felt a bit more real.

Cut to Here's To Us-- they are still not together and despite their promises to one another, they're friends in title only. When it starts, they haven't talked in months. Arthur has a boyfriend who he seems to be perfect with, Mikey, and Ben is in a sort-of thing with the hot, hot Mario. Ben is trying to figure out the rewrite of his epic fantasy wizard novel and find his place in a city that seems to be suffocating him. And Arthur is trying to fit himself into this relationship with Mikey and interning once again in New York, only this time at a off Broadway play.

Cue the panic over being in the same city and seeing Ex-turned friend. Cue all the old friends who know the whole history and all their opinions on a do-over, and two boys who are new to the story and don't quite get the powerful force that is Ben and Arthur.

This book is a bit of a monster for a YA romance at 462 pages. And it reads a little slower than I find most YA read. I can't lie, while cute, What If It's Us and Here's To Us are my least favorite out of the Adam Silvera books I've read. I'm not sure if it's the collaborative writing or the lack of twist he usually has with his reality with a touch of dystopian/surreal details. It's good and I do find myself caring about the characters. I love their quirks and their humor and the realness of their family and friend relationships. But the story all falls a little... flat. The story is packed with emotions yet, it feels surface level still. I'm not sure what makes it feel that way. I wish I could pinpoint it. I don't regret reading it though.

I always forget when I'm sitting down to start a new book to have a pen or highlighter for my favorite lines-- until i hit a line that hits hardest and then I'm already halfway or further in. But I did catch a couple in this one that stood out.

The one that really stuck out to me feels like a real-life lesson. "I guess sometimes that's how it goes, though. Sometimes happily ever afters aren't about your happiness at all." It was Arthur thinking Mario was Ben's final draft. He wanted Ben to have his happily ever after, even if it meant something devastating to himself. It's a powerful thing to realize that someone could get their own happy ending despite it not bringing your own happiness, and it's even harder to realize that you need to be ok with that.

I won't ruin the ending. Despite my mixed review, I would still say it's worth a read. A solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️ to ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1/2

[slightlydisapproves]

You finished acotar? Like, the first book or the whole trilogy? Why are you mad? Sorry, I must know your thoughts and feelings because I enjoyed the trilogy lol

If after reading this you're still willing to come back into my asks and tell how the subsequent books improve on the shortcomings I lay out, I will welcome you and listen. Or I guess, read.

I finished the first book, and... I'm disappointed. I'm really sorry if I'm about to insult something you love, and I really hope other fans won't come across this and send hate, but here goes.

It's probably partially my fault for going into it with the expectations I had. I expected a fun, competent, and romantic fantasy story. What I found it to be is an indulgent, frivolous, and poorly constructed story, that I dare call border-lining on '50 Shades of Grey, but make it fantasy.'

Here are my primary gripes with the first book:

1. Lackluster writing style that barely allows the reader to have a single independent thought

2. Un-immersive world building

3. Primary love interest that I couldn't get behind. Or in front. Or on top. You get the gist.

The thing that I was specifically mad about is that damn riddle, which I figured out in 2 seconds, and spent the rest of the book frustrated with Feyre as the answer was literally being YELLED at her. And that isn't an isolated incident, there were multiple times where I would figure something out early, and frustratingly sit there and wait for it's exposition, or for Feyre to finally figure it out.

Now, here come my brutal, uncensored thoughts, that my friends labeled as a '10/10 review for a 0/10 book':

-------

I almost dropped this book 40 pages in because Feyre started as such an insufferable “I’m not like other girls” I was afraid I couldn’t stand it. Kept reading it, only to have the first 2/3rds of the book meander about the plot, followed by an awkward lull in the story. This is then followed by ELEVEN PAGES of unrelenting exposition to propel us into the final third, where it feels like it becomes a completely different book; almost Hunger Games-esque.

When it comes to the main love interest, Tamlin kinda feels like a wishy washy blank slate to project onto. Which I guess is kinda the point of this type of book, but that could be achieved without undermining the readers intelligence with its middle school level of reading comprehension, and constant predictable overwriting. Personally, out of the three members of this reserve-haram-like scenario, if I had to pick one, I would pick Lucien, but he just spends the book third-wheeling.

The writing also fails to deliver the fantasy elements of this world. For the most part, the world building only happens when Feyre stumbles upon it, and is not properly intertwined into most of the rest of the book. This is improved upon in the final third, but again, because of a stark tonal shift. For the rest of it, I often forgot that Tamlin and Lucien aren’t just, really hot, but regular dudes. SJM does a better job as characterizing Rhysand as a more other worldly being, and I wish the other High Fae had similar elements to their descriptions and presence (but I guess they couldn't because of Amarantha took their power??).

I guess the stark tonal shift had a purpose with setting the environment where the book goes in the final third, but I wish the line hadn’t been drawn as harshly, and a more gradual transition had been employed. As it is, this harsh line establishes black and white good and evil, whereas a more grey approach is my preference with these kinds of worlds and creatures.

------

Again, I am incredibly sorry is this comes off as wholly mean spirited, and I would not fault you for unfollowing me.

[dragonandowl]

High while up high.

High while up high.

my inner monologue is going strong and I've been lamenting my lack of journal to reflect in for at least an hour  so here I go finally giving in to an e note or whatever this is called.

Again, I've been deep in inner monologue, the high allowing me to feel things fully , in this moment , and wow - I'm having some major ...i guess you could say awakenings because  I sort of feel woke.

being in this place of travel has got me travelling back in time, to other periods where  I was travelling  and what my mindset was, what I thought about the world. i gan literally ask what was i thinking and then go look it up because of how many journals i used to keep. I would give deep into the now, though many times It was actually a deep in to a reflection of the past. not like what I'm doing  right now, but my journaling foe much of my early life wad just a summary of the days before . it was a councious shift not till maybe last year of highschool or mayve  not even till my final year did I just journal straight from the heart , to figure out my emotions.to talk as I am talking to this phone through my fingers - talking out loud to figure out but also just to...make evident that you're having  these thoughts.... so that they might be helpful for later when future you asks "what was i thinking"??

I'm thinking right now about how I feel like I am woken up from a little-thinking mode - one where I'm to busy to think , when I just do the task ijnfreont of me and think about that one thing quite fully because those things consume a lot of thought. I'm not leaving any time for reflection in between. so  now upon reflection it feels quite strange. I feel for instance that my relationship with Shaina is unhealthy. I feel like. well I for one feel like this is hard to write with her right beside me - I feel even more dirty and guilty for these thoughts ! my shoulders are all tensed, the thought of her grabbing my phone right now and breaking her heart. but I do feel at this moment like I'm travelling with a 14 year old American and I'm just questioning - do I want to stay In this state ? Is this why I am making myself so busy ?or have i always been. could I go back to ignoring these thoughts or are they substantial ? is this chapter of my book ending soon or is it just a paragraph. I want to be challenged and to think deep and to be kind and to be immersed in something that is not priceless but I also realize this relationship has made me feel too comfortable and even fearful of the world.

it might however be very unfare to assign blame to my relationship and not instead on my age and also the state of the world. I had so much less anxiety when I was younger - just a rage and desire to experience the uniqueness of this world. these different circles of social norms , foods, smells, economies, levels of accepted  physical touch. we had a lyft driver over here , Diego was his name. he ended up being the most eye opening guy honestly, I'm sitting here quesrioningn if I could be as brave as I was at 18 if I went to India now, or if I would cower at the challenges that poverty forces on people. or maybe I was just so naive before and didn't really think about India in the context of poverty ? instead just of color and culture and beautiful differences ?

and wasn't this my perspective before, that people get by on very little money but often , as long as they have some connection to the natural world and a community and culture  , the money is not very missed. there are enough other things to keep ones mind occupied. people with no house no car savings account no any account no laptop no Wi-Fi no sneakers no no make up no coffee shops no tv no blue tooth speakers no dog parks no air conditioned cinema no draft beers ... they do alright. maybe they are even more  free to think their thoughts and be wise than those living like Americans , distracted by all the above.

and I am not challenged enough, with all my luxuries and a partner who tells my my privelidge , my fortune , is normal and even under rated comparatively.

Diego the Lyft driver was from argentina. at first he thought I was saying that if experienced pretty much argentina because i said I had lived in Chiapas Mexico but I clarified that no I was trying to how It seemed liked  you could tell who all the Argentinians were because they had a certain unique look , style , and attitude and he totally agreed. well they have a different accept too but yeah many traveling Argentinians had this hippy look. he even described it to me - skinny, long hair, tanned girls but who look like they are light skinned and then get tanned. I suppose true Argentinians didn't mix a lot with the indigenous people, which I am just now realizing and want to note to look up for later

 Damon talked a lot about different experiences he had with living in other locations like when he worked in India. but he also brought up a thought that has since terrified me and made me anxious this whole flight - so many people are just very stupid. especially Americans - just so distracted by all the above I mentioned. and I here I am travelling the world and people are just so unpredictable. and our world is becoming so corrupt it seems... can we really just go on like we are doing , trusting the good will of others around us? this is what I want to do. how I mostly lived my life before. maybe it is just anxiety that comes with age , maybe it's in our blood, or maybe I'm just in a bad state, but this is really how i feel - that I want to slow down move less and retreat to a safe place. to know my connection to my physical environment - the natural trees dirt and earth.  

he was training to be a comedian he said nearing the end of the drive. he had actually been practicing his timing on us , waiting for the build up and the right time to give us the 1 - 2 punch. 

I'm starting to think about work and how I need to review Tania's steel framing order so my edible thc must be wearing off. I'm pretty relieved that I won't be high for the arrivale and the wall through the airport - it was pretty difficult navigating the departure desk , security and boarding in this state. but I don't regret that i did this. I don't think. I needed this.  I think ...i don't know truth me told about my strategy for handing my now conscious thoughts.