#i guess this is your brain on adhd

[ducktracy]

AND YET ANOTHER PERSONAL POST even though i still need to respond to all the others i've made! but i just again wanna say THANK YOU YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME I LOVE YOU I'M HAPPY YOU'RE HERE. this has been such a very fun and gratifying few weeks of spreading the gospel of the pig 'n duck, getting to hear everyone's reactions and spread the dominos... i'm still overwhelmed and answering some birthday wishes that is INCREDIBLY SWEET WHAT ON EARTH!!!!!! and i've got some very exciting news that just reminds me like, hey, life is worth living and i do have friends and people like and appreciate me and want me around and people are not going to murder me because i'm not working on a review or haven't immediately been able to respond to a DM. my posting's definitely been more erratic lately with the pig and duck hype and i'm having to force myself back down into civilization a bit and pick up routine, but as someone who doesn't often let myself deviate from that routine i just wanted to say thank you!!! i still have a lot of asks and DMs and testimonies to catch up on, but thank you for the support and for being awesome 🙏 i genuinely have not felt this worry-free and able to just unabashedly post about my interests in years and years and years. yinz are awesome thank youuuu

[faunandfloraas]

Seungmin saying they changed song by so it would be easier for people to watch and listen and then me seeing people going "Yes! It's good it's on tiktok and shorts now" and I'm like. Oh. You're all so fucking stupid <3

[demoxal]

HEY WHAT IF I ASSIGNED FEARS TO CREEPYPASTA AND MARBLE HORNETS CHARACTERS HAHA JK UNLESS

Okay, so the baseline for the creepypasta killers is that they're all Slaughter and/or Hunt-alligned in some way, BUT what if:

Jeffery Woods (Jeff the Killer): baseline Slaughter + the Eye. Hear me out on this one, but he is known to watch people in their sleep, stalk his victims and he "burned off his eyelids" however the fuck one would achieve that, so his eyes can't close. He's also Desolation marked.

Jack Nairas (Eyless Jack): Baseline Hunt + the Flesh, because of the cannibalism, obviously. He is Desolation and Dark marked because of the cult stuff (losing everything + his eyes).

Tobias Rogers (Ticci Toby): Baseline Hunt + Desolation because of all the destruction he both causes and suffers. He is marked by the Eye and the Web because of Slenderman.

Sally Williams (Sally "Play with me"): Baseline Slaughter + End. Due to the gruesome nature of her death, I don't think this needs explaining.

Benjamin Lawman (BEN Drowned): Baseline Slaughter and Hunt + End and Web. Pretty self-explanatory, died violently, kills with no pattern, "stalks" his victims, manipulates them into commiting scuicide. He is marked by the Buried because of the drowning.

Laughing Jack (LJ): Baseline Hunt and Slaughter + Flesh. Don't really know what to add, there isn't much to say about him except for him being marked by the Lonely.

(I don't want to even think about all the girl versions of existing killers because they're somehow worse than the original characters. I also won't talk about Clockwork because it's as bad as the original Jeff the Killer creepepasta while also lacking charm imo, not judging if you like them but they're just not up my alley)

Let's talk about Slenderman for a second. I don't associate it with the Stranger for the simple reason of it not seeming very Stranger-y if you discard the off proportions and lack of a face. It's powers, motivations and tactics are all inherently Web and Eye-aligned. When I say "Slenderman" I also mean The Operator because I'm not that deep into Marble Hornets lore yet.

I'm not sure if any of the MH proxies would actually serve anything outside of. You know. The Operator. But assuming they were,

Timothy Wright (Masky): Hunt + Beholding and marked by the Web.

Brian Thomas ("Hoodie"): Beholding, marked by the Slaughter and the Web. Can you tell I'm running out of juice yet.

Honourable mentions: Alex Kralie and Jay Merrick are eyevatars.

[natjennie]

sent my dad this article about the rise of audhd that talks about new diagnostic understanding of how they're linked and anecdotes from people with both and what their life is like and he was like. "there's nothing I haven't heard before, I already know that people have feelings" like... okay king. miss the fucking point.

[embv]

my body doesn’t Hate me, per se. It just Loves being an annoying little shit

[boxleitnerd]

One of the funniest headcanons I have about steven/d2b is that steven didnt smoke weed (not because he was morally opposed, i just think he was employed by the city and they drug tested) but after the accident happens he smokes weed copiously

[yaoi-hate-machine]

pharmacist: generic vyvanse out of stock and name brand is $300

me, popping brain out of skull and gently setting it into a jar filled with water: we had a good run, kid

[flatoatchi]

me: yeah so my old psychiatrist had me on this dose of standard release concerta. this is what I know works best for me and I would like to continue

psychiatrist i met yesterday: no. youre getting the extended release because youre going to get addicted to the standard release. im going to explain to you how addiction works now. and you were taking ritalin, not concerta. now justify why you're bipolar/depressed/have adhd to me.

[bookishdiplodocus]

The Neurodivergent Writer’s Guide to Fun and Productivity

(Even when life beats you down)

Look, I’m a mom, I have ADHD, I’m a spoonie. To say that I don’t have heaps of energy to spare and I struggle with consistency is an understatement. For years, I tried to write consistently, but I couldn’t manage to keep up with habits I built and deadlines I set.

So fuck neurodivergent guides on building habits, fuck “eat the frog first”, fuck “it’s all in the grind”, and fuck “you just need time management”—here is how I manage to write often and a lot.

Focus on having fun, not on the outcome

This was the groundwork I had to lay before I could even start my streak. At an online writing conference, someone said: “If you push yourself and meet your goals, and you publish your book, but you haven’t enjoyed the process… What’s the point?” and hoo boy, that question hit me like a truck.

I was so caught up in the narrative of “You’ve got to show up for what’s important” and “Push through if you really want to get it done”. For a few years, I used to read all these productivity books about grinding your way to success, and along the way I started using the same language as they did. And I notice a lot of you do so, too.

But your brain doesn’t like to grind. No-one’s brain does, and especially no neurodivergent brain. If having to write gives you stress or if you put pressure on yourself for not writing (enough), your brain’s going to say: “Huh. Writing gives us stress, we’re going to try to avoid it in the future.”

So before I could even try to write regularly, I needed to teach my brain once again that writing is fun. I switched from countable goals like words or time to non-countable goals like “fun” and “flow”.

Rewire my brain: writing is fun and I’m good at it

I used everything I knew about neuroscience, psychology, and social sciences. These are some of the things I did before and during a writing session. Usually not all at once, and after a while I didn’t need these strategies anymore, although I sometimes go back to them when necessary.

I journalled all the negative thoughts I had around writing and try to reason them away, using arguments I knew in my heart were true. (The last part is the crux.) Imagine being supportive to a writer friend with crippling insecurities, only the friend is you.

Not setting any goals didn’t work for me—I still nurtured unwanted expectations. So I did set goals, but made them non-countable, like “have fun”, “get in the flow”, or “write”. Did I write? Yes. Success! Your brain doesn’t actually care about how high the goal is, it cares about meeting whatever goal you set.

I didn’t even track how many words I wrote. Not relevant.

I set an alarm for a short time (like 10 minutes) and forbade myself to exceed that time. The idea was that if I write until I run out of mojo, my brain learns that writing drains the mojo. If I write for 10 minutes and have fun, my brain learns that writing is fun and wants to do it again.

Reinforce the fact that writing makes you happy by rewarding your brain immediately afterwards. You know what works best for you: a walk, a golden sticker, chocolate, cuddle your dog, whatever makes you happy.

I conditioned myself to associate writing with specific stimuli: that album, that smell, that tea, that place. Any stimulus can work, so pick one you like. I consciously chose several stimuli so I could switch them up, and the conditioning stays active as long as I don’t muddle it with other associations.

Use a ritual to signal to your brain that Writing Time is about to begin to get into the zone easier and faster. I guess this is a kind of conditioning as well? Meditation, music, lighting a candle… Pick your stimulus and stick with it.

Specifically for rewiring my brain, I started a new WIP that had no emotional connotations attached to it, nor any pressure to get finished or, heaven forbid, meet quality norms. I don’t think these techniques above would have worked as well if I had applied them on writing my novel.

It wasn’t until I could confidently say I enjoyed writing again, that I could start building up a consistent habit. No more pushing myself.

I lowered my definition for success

When I say that nowadays I write every day, that’s literally it. I don’t set out to write 1,000 or 500 or 10 words every day (tried it, failed to keep up with it every time)—the only marker for success when it comes to my streak is to write at least one word, even on the days when my brain goes “naaahhh”. On those days, it suffices to send myself a text with a few keywords or a snippet. It’s not “success on a technicality (derogatory)”, because most of those snippets and ideas get used in actual stories later. And if they don’t, they don’t. It’s still writing. No writing is ever wasted.

A side note on high expectations, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism

Obviously, “Setting a ridiculously low goal” isn’t something I invented. I actually got it from those productivity books, only I never got it to work. I used to tell myself: “It’s okay if I don’t write for an hour, because my goal is to write for 20 minutes and if I happen to keep going for, say, an hour, that’s a bonus.” Right? So I set the goal for 20 minutes, wrote for 35 minutes, and instead of feeling like I exceeded my goal, I felt disappointed because apparently I was still hoping for the bonus scenario to happen. I didn’t know how to set a goal so low and believe it.

I think the trick to making it work this time lies more in the groundwork of training my brain to enjoy writing again than in the fact that my daily goal is ridiculously low. I believe I’m a writer, because I prove it to myself every day. Every success I hit reinforces the idea that I’m a writer. It’s an extra ward against imposter syndrome.

Knowing that I can still come up with a few lines of dialogue on the Really Bad Days—days when I struggle to brush my teeth, the day when I had a panic attack in the supermarket, or the day my kid got hit by a car—teaches me that I can write on the mere Bad-ish Days.

The more I do it, the more I do it

The irony is that setting a ridiculously low goal almost immediately led to writing more and more often. The most difficult step is to start a new habit. After just a few weeks, I noticed that I needed less time and energy to get into the zone. I no longer needed all the strategies I listed above.

Another perk I noticed, was an increased writing speed. After just a few months of writing every day, my average speed went from 600 words per hour to 1,500 wph, regularly exceeding 2,000 wph without any loss of quality.

Talking about quality: I could see myself becoming a better writer with every passing month. Writing better dialogue, interiority, chemistry, humour, descriptions, whatever: they all improved noticeably, and I wasn’t a bad writer to begin with.

The increased speed means I get more done with the same amount of energy spent. I used to write around 2,000-5,000 words per month, some months none at all. Nowadays I effortlessly write 30,000 words per month. I didn’t set out to write more, it’s just a nice perk.

Look, I’m not saying you should write every day if it doesn’t work for you. My point is: the more often you write, the easier it will be.

No pressure

Yes, I’m still working on my novel, but I’m not racing through it. I produce two or three chapters per month, and the rest of my time goes to short stories my brain keeps projecting on the inside of my eyelids when I’m trying to sleep. I might as well write them down, right?

These short stories started out as self-indulgence, and even now that I take them more seriously, they are still just for me. I don’t intend to ever publish them, no-one will ever read them, they can suck if they suck. The unintended consequence was that my short stories are some of my best writing, because there’s no pressure, it’s pure fun.

Does it make sense to spend, say, 90% of my output on stories no-one else will ever read? Wouldn’t it be better to spend all that creative energy and time on my novel? Well, yes. If you find the magic trick, let me know, because I haven’t found it yet. The short stories don’t cannibalize on the novel, because they require different mindsets. If I stopped writing the short stories, I wouldn’t produce more chapters. (I tried. Maybe in the future? Fingers crossed.)

Don’t wait for inspiration to hit

There’s a quote by Picasso: “Inspiration hits, but it has to find you working.” I strongly agree. Writing is not some mystical, muse-y gift, it’s a skill and inspiration does exist, but usually it’s brought on by doing the work. So just get started and inspiration will come to you.

Accountability and community

Having social factors in your toolbox is invaluable. I have an offline writing friend I take long walks with, I host a monthly writing club on Discord, and I have another group on Discord that holds me accountable every day. They all motivate me in different ways and it’s such a nice thing to share my successes with people who truly understand how hard it can be.

The productivity books taught me that if you want to make a big change in your life or attitude, surrounding yourself with people who already embody your ideal or your goal huuuugely helps. The fact that I have these productive people around me who also prioritize writing, makes it easier for me to stick to my own priorities.

Your toolbox

The idea is to have several techniques at your disposal to help you stay consistent. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket by focussing on just one technique. Keep all of them close, and if one stops working or doesn’t inspire you today, pivot and pick another one.

After a while, most “tools” run in the background once they are established. Things like surrounding myself with my writing friends, keeping up with my daily streak, and listening to the album I conditioned myself with don’t require any energy, and they still remain hugely beneficial.

Do you have any other techniques? I’d love to hear about them!

I hope this was useful. Happy writing!

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I cannot comprehend the idea of just, not being tired? I wake up and at most have a brief period of “oh, I’m awake” a few minutes after waking up, and then I crash. I usually don’t even have that much. I’m just always tired, always exhausted, and i just live like this. Apparently there are people out there who have hours of not being exhausted? What does that even feel like? Even if I have energy to physically do something I somehow manage to also feel exhausted the whole time. Sometimes my body has some energy but my mind never does. I can’t remember the last time I felt energized on every level. I think I felt it as a kid sometimes, but I haven’t felt it since before I was even a teenager. I have many days where I don’t even need to do anything incredibly physically exhausting, but even on those days my brain is fighting against the ever present lack of energy. Literally how does it even feel to not have this every moment you’re awake? The only time I feel unburdened by this is while I’m asleep and dreaming, and it’s hard to remember that feeling after I’m awake.

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

I have started associating the ritual of brushing out your hair with forgiveness

[autisticlee]

I told my counselor about my "brain gremlins" as I call them and how I started trying to figure them out after meeting friends with DID because I related to them and didn't know anything about it outaide of the stereotypes you always hear first which are extreme and not as relatable? so she's going to look into it and help me figure out what they are basically. trying to explain them is exhausting. I could feel them scraping at the walls of my brain wanting to talk and telling them to shut up the whole time. I wosh I had time to nap before work 😭

[maculategiraffe]

just recently discovered adhd focus playlists on spotify, that play music or noise designed I guess somehow for adhd relief? like an auditory stim collection to put on in the background to help you focus at will / not lose your mind while you do a boring thing

and I was describing the effect of some of these tracks to my boyfriend and said "some of them you put on and they really do kind of scratch the brain itch"

and he looked sort of distressed and said "is your brain itchy?"

and I was like yeah that's actually not a bad working definition of how adhd feels. and he was like "god. I'm so sorry" in this really serious tone and I was like THANK YOU it is HORRIBLE and I have been coping VERY IMPRESSIVELY for SOME TIME

[canisalbus]

Sorry about low activity and no art in weeks ´v`' I'm still here, just dealing with some health issues that are draining all of my energy.

You may remember that I started adhd medication some time ago, and the first meds didn't really seem to mesh with me, I just got bouts of intense, aimless anxiety from them with no significant benefits. I was switched to a different prescription and so far they've seemed to actually work, which is nice! It's like my brain is normally full of speed bumps, and while they're definitely still there, they've been lowered a little, at least some of the time.

Yesterday I had a little bit of a health scare. I had been having episodes of severe upper abdominal pain during the weekend, usually at night, and yesterday the pain had also spread to the left side of my back, accompanied by chills, nausea and dizziness. I called the medical helpline to ask whether this should warrant a trip to the emergency clinic and the person responding was worried about the possibility of an acute heart issue, and sent me an ambulance. The paramedics seemed very thorough and the tests came back mostly normal. They mentioned something about mild hypoxia (at heart?) and some other issue I didn't catch at the time, and that it's not quite dire enough to require an immediate ER visit but I should have it looked into as soon as possible. I have an appointment scheduled for thursday.

And I don't know, I'm still shaken about the whole thing. This is a new, very intense kind of pain and it's making me uneasy and unable to think about anything else. Of course in these situations you eventually end up googling and trying to figure out what it could be on your own, and from what I've seen the symptoms could fit gallstones or pancreatitis, but who's to say. I'm just waiting for thursday I guess, not sure of what to do with myself until then.

I keep weighing the option of going to the clinic tomorrow anyway just to be sure, and immediately feeling dumb because I'm obviously in a bit of a crisis mode mentally at the moment and it's probably not that urgent.

[wrong-directions]

In the anxious-internet-addiction vs the organising and sorting out my life fight I have slightly filled out some corkboards on the one hand, and on the other I got a badge from Tumblr for viewing 601 posts in a day.

[lazysoulwriter]

you don’t have to do it all today. - pedro pascal.

requested! thank you. ♡ content: mentions of ADHD symptoms (overwhelm, procrastination, distraction), comfort, soft domestic Pedro, emotional support, no cure — just care.

---

There was a pile of clean laundry at the foot of the bed. Your laptop was open to three different tabs — all deadlines, all blinking cursors waiting for magic that just wouldn’t come. Your phone was next to you, but you hadn’t checked it in a while. The guilt of ignoring texts was tangled up in the shame of having done… nothing today.

And still, your brain was running. Loud. Fast. Useless.

You stared at the email draft you’d rewritten five times and still hadn’t sent. The cursor blinked like a dare.

“Baby?” Pedro’s voice floated in from the kitchen. Soft. Careful. Like he knew. “Did you eat?”

You blinked again. “What time is it?”

“Almost 3.”

Shit.

He appeared in the doorway a second later, a little furrow in his brows as he looked at you. You knew that look. You hated that look. It was gentle, but it always made your eyes sting.

“Did you get stuck again?” he asked, already walking toward you.

You nodded before you could stop yourself. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

He crouched beside you, hand sliding gently under your chin to tilt your face toward his. “Hey. Don’t do that.”

“I just— I want to do it. I do. But I open the file and then I remember I need to send that other email, and then I forget what I was doing, and the laundry’s there, and now it’s been hours and I’m still doing nothing and—”

“Breathe.” He placed a hand on your chest, right over your heart, grounding. “It’s okay.”

You breathed. You didn’t cry. Not yet.

He pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. Your brain’s just got a lot of tabs open.”

You gave a breathy laugh at that. “So many tabs.”

He smiled. “Alright. How about this — I’ll put on a timer. Fifteen minutes. We do one thing together, just one. You pick. Then we take a break.”

You hesitated. “Can it be the laundry?”

He nodded. “Perfect. I’ll even fold if you let me hold up your underwear and dramatically guess which pair’s your favorite.”

You groaned, but smiled. “Fine.”

He kissed your cheek. “There’s my girl.”

And maybe the work would still be there tomorrow. Maybe the emails would wait a little longer. But Pedro’s patience — his understanding of a brain that didn’t always cooperate — was the first thing in days that made you feel safe enough to try again.

And sometimes, that was everything.

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✦ please do not copy, repost, or translate this work. © lazysoulwriter // i write with a lot of love and care, so please respect that.