#i guess that's what i'll put
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They Say You Can't Fight Fate (I Say Fucking Watch Me)
Summary: Remus decided a long time ago that if he ever met his soulmate he'd fuck them up. It's only fair to return the favor, after all of the bullshit they've put him through.
Well, in all fairness, that's more his parents fault. But blaming them didn't get him out of this place either.
Author’s Note: You know what time it is, that's right it's time to explore what a fucking nightmare it would be to live in a society with actual soulmates! Vis-a-vis some Remus and Roman angst this time!
Also just for the record, I haven't finished this one yet and I'm not entirely sure if I will, but I've decided I like what I've written enough to post anyway! To be clear I am still planning on finishing it as of now, I've just stopped actively working on it and I decided I didn't want to wait and see if I finished it or not. As of now there are six chapters, and I will post all of them if nothing else! Check the tags on this one, there's some bad stuff in here.
...
The part Remus couldn’t ever get over is that when he was younger, he was fine. Ask anyone, he was a happy kid. He and Roman liked playing pretend, wrestling for fun, drawing or writing together, running around together in the rain and getting absolutely soaked. Remus was bright eyed and optimistic and hopeful and ready for a happy future and a fulfilling life.
It was all absolutely the fucking soulmates fault. Whoever they were, Remus was never going to forgive them.
“Please don’t jump.” That had to be the first thing they said to him. They couldn’t have said “Hey, why don’t we go get some ice cream instead of this?” or “Hey, can we talk for a bit first?”
Or maybe they were talking about skydiving! Maybe Remus was going to develop a passion for skydiving and meet his soulmate, the scaredy-cat who’s having second thoughts right before they jump completely safely out of the plane! That sounded right up his alley, didn’t it? That sounded like him!
Or it had. Up until his parents shoved him into this clinical emotionless condescending hellhole and turned Remus’ life into the ultimate self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because the thing is, if you explain to someone over and over and over again that you’re fine, and you don’t feel like you have any mental issues, and they never believe you? Well. That can fuck with someone in the head a little bit.
Either way, it meant Remus had spent most of his life in this stupid fucking hospital, and he wasn’t going to get out for the foreseeable future. Probably not ever, because no one ever believed him.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Roman believed him. Roman had been there the first time they’d asked Remus if he thought about hurting himself, and Roman had given them a baffled look because Remus told him everything, obviously, and if Remus had been bothered by something he would have told him.
Roman had just a tad bit more luck than Remus in the soulmark department. His wrist said “I love you, you know that?”
Meaning everyone thought he was going to have just the most peachy soulmate story ever. Someone who was starry-eyed from the second they met him. How could anyone with such a soulmark have any problems whatsoever? Never mind Roman’s crippling insecurity and desperation for attention, which Remus had to do his best to help Roman with alone, because no one else was ever going to bother trying.
Instead, Roman was there as no one believed Remus when he explained that no, he really was fine, he was good, why was that so hard to believe? Roman had backed up his story, seeming baffled that none of them understood that.
He’d protested alongside Remus when he started seeing therapists he didn’t need and Roman wanted, and eventually when Remus was sent away to a psych hospital that neither of them needed. But the two of them backing each other up had apparently never been enough, and now Remus was here and got to see Roman once every two weeks as if that was enough to stop feeling bitter about Roman growing up without him.
His one consolation was that Roman hated it just as much as he did. He’d never come with news that he’d made friends, even though he had to have. He never told Remus that he’d gotten the lead role in a school play, even though his parents had told Remus earlier that visit. He never told Remus that he’d gotten his drivers license, despite his parents raving about how proud they were. Instead, they talked about creative projects they’d been working on together since the last time Roman was there, they watched TV shows on the phone Roman brought with him that Remus wasn’t allowed to have. It was like Roman had decided that while he was there, his life consisted of Remus.
Remus adored him for it. He could imagine just how quickly he’d come to hate Roman if he started telling Remus about the life he was living without him. He wanted Roman to have one, obviously. But he also didn’t want to hate him. And he still wanted to be part of it. So Roman found a way to, as best he could, say that Remus still was.
Remus just wished it could be enough.
But it wasn’t.
No amount of working on stories and paintings with Roman could change the fact that he was here every day, had no choice or chance to get out, and no one believed that he didn’t want to fucking kill himself.
Remus imagined that it was all of this put together that first made him start considering the idea.
Not seriously, not at first. Just a little sarcastic laugh of a thought, “Why don’t you just prove ‘em all right then, if they’re going to think they are either way?”
Heh, yeah.
Hey… yeah.
What did he have to look forward to anyway, really? It’s not like he was getting out of here at eighteen. His parents still got to control that. He wasn’t mentally well enough to make the decision. Because he was never mentally goddamn well enough to make the fucking decision. And he never would be, because no one would ever let him be.
And he wanted out of here.
The idea made more sense the more Remus thought about it, and there wasn’t much else to think about in here. He was sure Roman picked up on something being wrong (or at least more wrong than usual), but he didn’t tell him. He trusted Roman, but he also trusted that if he admitted to Roman what he was thinking, Roman would tell someone. And then everyone would feel vindicated in shoving Remus in here. And then Roman would start wondering if he was wrong to have Remus’ back. And Remus could not lose him.
So he said nothing. And Roman said nothing. And Remus stumbled his way into a plan.
Visiting time was good. Roman and him had worked out years ago that if Remus didn’t show up right away, he was sneaking some kind of contraband that would make his life a little more bearable, and Roman shouldn’t say anything.
So Remus, minutes before visiting started when the orderlies were getting everyone else ready, slipped into the stairwell.
There wasn’t exactly easy access to the roof for obvious reasons, but Remus knew how to break a window from the top floor. And he was pretty sure it was just high enough to work.
So why couldn’t he force himself to throw the damn rock at the window?
He’d been staring at the window opposite the top of the stairs for at least fifteen minutes now, trying to figure out why he couldn’t throw the thing. It’s not like he had all the time in the world. And this was probably his only chance, because once someone found him here, he’d be watched much more closely. So he really should throw the rock right about now.
Do it. Throw it at the window. Now.
…Except he didn’t want to die. Even now, he didn’t want to die. He’d never wanted to fucking die.
Remus set the rock gingerly on the window sill and buried his head in his hands. Why couldn’t he just want to fucking die? Wasn’t he now trying to do what everyone expected of him? Wasn’t that supposed to be a good thing?
Footsteps on the stairs behind him. Remus reached out and picked up the rock, looking numbly out the window instead of behind him at the person.
But then Roman’s voice said, “Remus,” gasping and panicked, so he set the rock back down on the windowsill.
Roman wrapped his arms around him from behind. “You didn’t show up after ten minutes,” Roman murmured into his shoulder. “What are you doing here?” He asked it like he already suspected the answer. Remus didn’t give him another one.
“Remus,” Roman said. “Please—”
“Don’t,” Remus snapped. “You dare.”
“I wasn’t,” Roman said, sounding almost surprised. “I wouldn’t. I was going to say ‘please come back with me.’”
Remus shook his head. “No.”
“Remus—”
“No, Roman. I’m done.”
“You can’t be,” Roman said. “Remus, you can’t be done.”
“Why not?”
“Remus,” Roman said, sounding scared, desperate. “Remus, please, I can’t lose you.”
“The hell are you talking about, you’ll be fine,” Remus snapped, gesturing down vaguely towards Roman’s wrist.
“No I won’t,” Roman said. “Don’t tell me that, don’t tell me how I feel, I—” Remus tensed, and he stopped.
“I’m sorry,” Roman whispered.
“I can’t spend another day there while they try to find out what secret trauma I have hidden away as if it’s not them,” Remus spat. “I can’t do it.”
Roman didn’t say anything, just squeezed Remus tightly.
“I can’t do it Roman,” Remus whispered. “I don’t want to die, but I can’t live like this anymore.”
“So,” Roman said suddenly. “So don’t.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Let’s leave. Let’s run.”
“What, you think it’ll be different somewhere else?”
“It will if you already have your soulmate.”
“I don’t,” Remus said. “They’ll never let me meet them anyway, not while I’m here.”
“I’ll be your soulmate,” Roman said. “I’ll do it for you.”
Remus gave him a look. “You can’t just do that.”
Roman gave him a very firm look back, took his wrist gently in his hand, and said honestly, sincerely, and worriedly, “Please don’t jump.”
Remus looked at him for a very long time, but didn’t say anything. Finally, Roman gently offered his own wrist out to Remus.
A million protests ran through Remus’ head. Roman couldn’t give up his perfect soulmate story just for his stupid fucked up institutionalized brother. Roman had a person out there waiting, someone who probably loved him romantically, instead of just the stupid platonic soulmate like Remus would be, that most people didn’t even want in the first place. Roman couldn’t just run off with him, how would they live, neither of them had jobs. Roman would be leaving friends and school and a potential future behind. Remus couldn’t take any of that from him just because he was tired and miserable.
Roman nudged him gently with his wrist, cutting off all his protests.
Remus turned and met his eyes. Roman was looking at him with nothing but love and determination.
Remus’ eyes well up with tears. “I love you, you know that?” he whispered, completely genuinely.
Roman nodded and pulled Remus into his arms, and they both sat there for a while. They’d have a million details to work out, but there was still another half hour left for visiting, and for right now Remus was going to sit here with his brother.
...
Chapter Two
#sanders sides#remus sanders#roman sanders#everyone else plus emile picani show up later but it's just those two for this one#creativitwins#tw mental hospital#tw bad therapy#i guess that's what i'll put#i don't know what the actual tag is#tw suicidal thoughts#soulmate au#my fic
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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Wardrobe Woes
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Yes: there are people who read these comics who don't know much about mdzs. Several are my beloved and supportive friends B'*)#This comic in particular is one that I've been thinking about for a very long time and I'm so happy to finally be here!#I was trying to think about how to explain the social rules of the forehead ribbon and the reason lwj was so upset#and the metaphor of 'it's kind of like wwx accidently undoing lwj's bikini in front of a crowd.' came to mind.#of course there's a bit more to it than that but the point here is that - accident or not - it still embarrasses lwj#wwx doesn't get the entire context behind it (at the time. Now he *does* and it all makes a bit more sense)#But he knows he made lwj upset. He knows he doesn't want to put lwj in another embarrassing situation.#Not after all this. Not after everything. Not after realizing that his desire for friendship might be the kind of desire that ruins lan zha#Love the symbolism of the archery outfits being red during this moment of 'whoops only married couples can do that' moment.#What if we accidental proposed............accidental marriage....accidental kiss the bridegroom....accidental fall in love.#Guess we did inadvertently get the puffy sleeves and bikini outfits in the end.#wwx in an old timey bathing suit is so important to me. I'll die on this hill.#lwj's cute little box is inspired by @lazycranberrydoodles's cute fan art <3 I love it a lot
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I am SO grateful that ed and stede exist as characters exactly as they are. I'm so grateful for these two men who are traumatized and messed up and struggle to even like themselves, who are terrible at communicating, who make enough mistakes between the two of them to fill an entire ocean. I am so grateful to watch them struggle and be seen and be loved and reach out for the things they want and are maybe starting to believe that they deserve. I'm so grateful that the show lets them fall in love and get together exactly as they are, that it doesn't say they need to wait until they've become some unattainably perfect version of themselves before they have permission to have that. i am so grateful for ofmd
#ofmd#there are no other shows like this one#I'm so tired of media that repeats the same idea that you need to hit a list of predetermined therapy milestones (determined by who???)#before you can fall in love#I'm honestly tired of fic that does this with ed and stede too#because guess what#you can live in the 21st century with access to therapy and dsm diagnosis and a bunch of different medications and you can be doing all the#right things and still be a trainwreck!!!#putting in the work doesn't mean you're gonna become perfect and never have problem again any more than falling in love doesn't mean you'll#never have problems again#I'll forever be crying on my knees levels of grateful for the unique writing on this show#for saying that it's okay you can be a mess you can take one step forward and three steps back and you'll still always be deserving#of love and grace and forgiveness#you don't have to do anything to deserve you deserve it just because you exist#i love this show with my entire heart#alex watches ofmd
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I think... we were cursed from the start
(without blur under the cut)
#chrom#robin#chrobin#fire emblem#fire emblem awakening#fe:a#everything is a little minimalistic compared to usual simply bc...i wanted to draw attention to something else#long time no ship art... which was a very deliberate decision btw#but i guess i was feeling nostalgic#if you're wondering what's happening here - just pick any point between their C-A support lol#caption is a song lyric...from a song released in 2017 oh no#i generally keep my music to myself but if y'all wanna know the songs i used lyrics for in captions lemme know and i'll put them in the tag#my art
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Decided to make this bingo card for the upcoming season as a salty and tired Triworlds and trio fan to inject some fun into a season I'm not particularly excited about. It contains things only I, and maybe like two other people, care about.
(Didn't bother labeling it as season 3 because I'll be shocked if a lot of this isn't a concern for future seasons.)
#ignore me if you'd like but I have a feeling I'll get at least one bingo#anyway i'm back I guess? I'm probably just going to fill my queue with all the cool posts i missed today though#see y'all tomorrow <3#obey me nightbringer#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me spoilers#i would have put “michael pretends to be raphael” on here but...........................#.... . / -.. --- . ... / ..- -. ..-. --- .-. - ..- -. .- - . .-.. -.--#some of these kind of overlap....... but you see this is what I care about
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painting wips from the past year that i'll definitely finish one day but not now
i really wanna get back to these eventually, but for the past few months i've been working on a really big project! It should be out by the end of may and im really excited for people to see what i've been Cooking :]
#idk if i wanna put tags on this post bc it's all wips#i'll tag the character names i guess#yosuke hanamura#yu narukami#yukari takeba#vflower#the inkling is Me#if you can guess what voca synth song i was listening to while drawing the p4 thing i'll give u... a free doodle#no hints tho :)#im planning for the yukatan to be a matching print w mitsuru#and i drew flower bc that's what she is. to me. an alt girlie
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I was looking at Klarion's design,
And started comparing it to Vlad's ghost form. Corpse pale (sometimes blue tinted)? Yep. Horn-hair? Yep. Red eyes? Yep. Cat? Yep. Eyeliner? Also yep. Suit? What do you know. Fire? Yeeep.
So anyway, what I'm saying is Klarion as de-aged Vlad raised by the chaos-lovers that is the Dannys & the rest of the team.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#Vlad is Klarion#de aged vlad#Wonder how that happened- I blame machinery or core-retreat or the GIW probably#Tiny baby realms being Klarion with the power of a thousand raging suns: You can't make me eat my vegetables >:/#Tired AF Danny with the power of thousands of blackholes: I guess I'll have to put the cheese sauce I made back then-#Danny is not the ghost king#Space core Danny#what core does Vlad have? Wonderful question go wild#Danny is an adult now and just vibin once he finishes college#He lets the kids wander the universe- it isn't like he can lose track of them being connected to Space itself#Nabu knows klarion/vlad from time travel#Clockwork: Behold my son & grandbabies :) they don't wreck the timeline (usually) & have given me 10 headaches this week already#Jordan & Elnath looking at tiny bby realms-Vlad/Klarion for the first time: Oh no why is he so adorable- look at the tiny lil cheeks
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OC doodle with the 141 - tw: alcohol, small mention of death
Honest Feelings
#had some thoughts#the one with Gaz is basically bcuz Gaz was the first to know who Raven is- or basically his Captain seeing someone#despite how she was supposed to kill Price - Gaz didn't question Price's decision to rescue her from a fatal injury#Gaz has treated her with nothing but respect bcuz if Price cares then he'll care too#uhmm the one with Soap is basically after mw3 thingy I guess#Raven has seen how much Price changed after that incident#has seen the man crumbled while holding Soap's dog tag#another responsibilities that's all too heavy on Price's shoulder#uh for Ghost its just basically mutual disdain due to difference in careers#they both know something the others doesnt and they intend to keep it that way#it's the discomfort of realising someone out there who's seen the same terror as you and taking different approaches in life#this discomfort and disagreement is what ticked both Ghost and Raven off- that's why they're always bickering#in a way they see a bit of themselves in each other and it is quite unnerving to them#but really they're not too far off - and they /know/ - but that is something the both of them are not ready to admit yet#two people bleeding from different knives who refused to acknowledge that blood flowing out are the same angry burning red - or something#idk im not making sense UHM ANYWAYS#i yapped too much UHHH silly doodles will resume after this i promise XD#anyways#gummmyart#doodle#think i'll hit the tags limit here so just gonna put a few#PriceRaven#[oc] Raven
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You believe me like a god I betray you like a man
mitski - i'm your man
#good omens#goodomensedit#*#one day i'll have the imagination to do more than just put images and lyrics together#today is not that day#can't even color this scene#especially the aziraphale parts... the lighting.......#that's what he deserves i guess
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Photo
Look, options are limited, beggars can’t be choosers (Patreon)
So I do have a white trenchcoat to offer him, but uh
It looks a little goofy and bulky lol
As above, there’s no shirt that I can put underneath it either! Too silly but not in the way I like my silliness! >:0
Of course, the alternative is
Lol. I mean, it’s definitely A Look, but it’s not what I would imagine finding near the front of his closet haha
The skelebros are even more limited tho, they’ve only got the one outfit to “choose” from
(Also yes, Papyrus does get glasses to match Gaster ♥)
I want to do some poking around with the Body Shop to see if I can make some custom outfits myself, or at least do some retextures! I’m sure I can make something workable!
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#The Sims 2#WPTS2#WPVG#I'll go over this mod more in its own post :3c#It's really lovely! It's a shame it's been abandoned but just from a glance around I can understand why haha#I don't know how they did it - I can only guess - but putting full outfits in just the pants category by? exporting the mesh??#It's really something! :0 Not to mention the skeleton model is lovely <3#I've tried editing it as well to try and get Gaster's signature eye and uh - I dyed the whole thing green and nothing changed lol#I'm not sure how or why :0 There are clear differences between age textures! How did they do that!!#I have so much yet to learn about Sims 2 models apart from just texturing X0 Texturing is already overwhelming sometimes!#In the meanwhile it's fun to dress them all up in what little there is haha#They look cute and silly and isn't that what's really important#I turned the waist-tie into a scarf because what do you take me for lol#The game is only so customizable! I will pick up the slack#I wonder if I could raise the tie to be an ascot....... I know I can delete it entirely but hm#Actually it might only be the knot that has a separate mesh aw :( Oh well! Next time#Gotta actually check out Milkshape one of these days lol#Anyhow ♪ Gaster being rather indifferent to clothes is fun - but does partial nudity as a uniform count! Does a silly outfit count haha#I think his croptops are quite tasteful personally - the cuffs are what really get me here haha so cumbersome!#I do also have some scarves hmmm.... And a full suit but that might be a bit much lol#And the suit supersedes glasses! >:0 That won't do at all!#This mod was also made without Seasons in mind so there's just a blank spot for his outdoor clothes :0 That's no good!#Lots of work on all the Sims families before they can be moved into the main neighborhoods
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bitter tea 🍵
#vtuber#holostars#holotempus#kishido temma#hanasaki miyabi#regis altare#axel syrios#still thinking about the 3D...#WHERE IS THAT POST I MADE LAST YEAR#THE ONE WHERE I WAS LIKE 'WEHHH WHAT IF MIYABI AND ALTARE INTERACTED...'#'BEHH IT WON'T HAPPEN BUT I CAN DREAM' GUESS WHAT#THEY DID! YOU IDIOT!!! IN 3D!!!#PAST MINI!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO DREAM ANYMORE#IT'S REAL!!!!!!!!!! IT'S REAAAAAAAALLLL#and altare hugged miyabi like three times I was boutta lose it#they're so stinking cute. I need to put them in a snow globe and shake them#axel as always. funniest bitch on earth I'll kick him into the sun#temma. perfect. no notes. love you big time#the screaming really made this segment for me#just all of them screaming as they try to cross the abyss. god I love holostars#WHO let hanakishi and shiny spicy collab. do you want me gone#DO YOU HAVE IT OUT FOR ME#in case anyone doesn't know this. miyabi has been like one of my longest oshis#he's my everything...#add that and hanakishi and. and everyone knows I love tempus#so yeah. good time.
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My throat feels sore I wish I could reach my hand into my larynx and put moisturizer there.... I have. no concept of anatomy
#my beautiful babygirls💕....... and soda's there too ig#i have no idea how to put these in order but I'll put toko first bc of the pink overlay on it. guess. guess what my favorite color is#im so sorry for posting danganronpa.#that has become my dgr tag at this pointn#art#my art#fanart#danganronpa#danganronpa fanart#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#toko fukawa#angie yonaga#akane owari#kazuichi souda#sdr2#danganronpa thh#danganronpa v3 killing harmony#drv3 killing harmony#danganronpa drv3#dr1 trigger happy havoc#dr1#dr1 thh#super danganronpa goodbye despair#MEOWWWWW
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clearout of drawings :)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#wha spoilers#witch hat atelier spoilers#exceedlingly mild but maybe ppl block that. like literally qif just has a headache dont worry abt it..#i feel REALLY annoying putting my art online today...you know those days where its just like..CAN I EVEN DRAW???? Maybe you don't i guess.#people even said a lot of nice things lately about my drawings when i felt down <3...But what if they were lying#i'll work it all out...next year...
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CAESAR AUGUSTUS AND MARCUS LICINIUS CRASSUS
this is about the spolia opima that crassus was robbed of lmao. like, yeah okay octavian could've asked him not to claim it, but nevertheless. a kind of theft happened there.
Fact and Fiction: Crassus, Augustus, and the Spolia Opima, Catherine McPherson
#this is one from the vaults I started a few months ago and finally finished. it’s always the furniture details that put things on hold lmao#the former co consuls are fightinggggg (?)#rome is built on top of other people. this is about both the imperialism-slavery machine and the way that all these guys would#politically devour their own generation to sit on a throne. etc. anyway. octavian specifically sits on a throne of other people’s#accomplishments. that’s a specific kind of debt to carry around your neck. or theft depending on who is doing what#this was theft. anything involving Agrippa was a gift so there’s an obligation to succeed which is it’s own kind of currency so to speak#sugghrhfh. every crassus always has to be like this. in my heart i always root for whoever decides to go up against rome#and then i'm stuck with the guy who should've got a spolia opima like. congrats on your win. i guess. i think. RIP.#ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT. while im talking about this crassus. domina fucking sucks. what an absolute clusterfuck of a show#anyway. if anyone ever does augustan age politics again. octavia would be a great character if you want to invent shit#but also more importantly octavian should seduce crassus for this. thank you.#octavian#marcus licinius crassus.....christ how do i write down that he's the grandson of my crassus. i'll figure it out later#roman empire tag#drawing tag
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A year ago I was inspired to make something that captured the exact aesthetic of a vintage, degraded VHS recording from the 90s, and I think I'm pleased with what I attempted.
#deltarune#spamton#spamton g spamton#big shot spamton#my drawings#the only reason this was wip for a year was because i didn't know what to do for the logo#ended up just stealing the cungadero crossing sign#i don't think i'll put this amount of filters and effort into anything ever again#look at him. smug asshole.#he really does look like that guy in commercials that suddenly disappeared one day and nobody knows what happened to him#png was too big a file size to upload so i had to run this through the jpeg shredder#now some of the text is probably illegible but i guess that makes it authentic
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