#i guess qpr if i needed to put a label on it

[bluemew-theturtle]

Still absolutely obsessing over Runa and Cyril's character development in TNC.

Like the book itself was... A little off in terms of other plot lines and pacing, imo? Iykyk. But the Grand Three absolutely stole the show imo and I'm SO excited to see how things between them play out.

[notherpuppet]

Do you think there's a right and/or wrong way to handle QPR? I know it's a tricky relationship, but it feels like most/some people kind of just slap the label onto a ship while depicting the ship as just romantic/having no difference with a romantic relationship. (this is why I was a little surprised when you said you do radioapple qpr when it reads a lot more like normal romance). Not meant as an attack or anything on anyone, just genuinely curious more than anything. Again, tricky relationship

So Imma put this link to info at the top of this post: https://taaap.org/2022/07/16/qprs-part-one/

Alright, so please take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's exactly what it is. One small bit of perspective in a mass of many people who experience QPRs in their life and/or are on an aro/ace spectrum. I also have NO QUALIFICATIONS on gender/sexuality theory, so my opinions are shaped by what I've learned and experienced personally. While people may identify with the same term, we are all still individuals with our own experiences. Words can help describe a phenomenon, but it doesn't make everyone who identifies with the word into a monolith.

So I've stated a few times that I navigate shipping Alastor similar to my own experiences as an aroace person. (I guess I'm sharing about myself with this post, but I think that can be helpful to just spreading awareness of an "alternative lifestyle"). So I'm romance-repulsed and sex-repulsed LOL but I'm also "positive" about those things. Like I view romance and sex as lovely, fun experiences people can have, but I've never been into it personally. It's fun for me to consume media about romance/sex, but yknow, it's also fun for me to consume media about violence or isolation. Doesn't mean I want to experience or engage in any of those things lol.

Anyway, I'm a huge people person and I love to party and yknow it seems most people are really wanting to fall in love or fuck or whatever pretty much all the time, but especially at parties hahaha. Normally, I'm pretty touch-averse, but I love dancing so much and it's a blast to dance with a partner (salsa especially!! i don't care for grinding for probably obvious reasons). And to connect the two previous sentences, people (whatever gender they are) would be very kissy-touchy on the dancefloor. Which i honestly dont really give a fuck about hahaha. I don't really get anything out of kissing but I also don't mind it. I just like to dance. It's all a pretty superficial--but still genuinely fun--experience for me.

When it comes to my deeper or more intimate connections, I have had friendships that have felt SO on the line of what was viewed as a romantic relationship. They were exceptional friends and we connected on a level that was deep and true, but it wasn't romantic. Sometimes we'd slow dance, sometimes we kissed, and it rocked. But it wasn't more than that, it was all that it needed to be. I didn't want more and neither did they (except one situation and so we had to stop being friends lol whoops). From the outside, people would even refer to us as partners in a half joking way, but we really were just friends. And I love those friends!! And a huge part of what made those relationships (which at the time were described as 'situationships' because we didn't know any of these terms haha) was their convenience. We either lived in the same building, worked together, or were neighbors LOL. I'm still friends with those absolutely lovely folks, but we don't live around each other, so our QPR just appears a lot more like any ole regular friendship. But it's not like there was a feeling that we transitioned into something different than before. It twas what it twas! (Had to take a pause while I was typing to reminisce fondly for a second, okay back to hazbin hahaha)

SO, whenever someone asks or it comes up, MOST OF THE TIME I do ship alastor through an aroace lens and experience with QPRs (specifically, MINEE because they were fun and I've never felt like doing this before I met a character like Al). And my XP is: "this isn't gonna be a partnership and we ain't fucking" LMFAO. so yeah!

When it comes to using a queer term like QPR, I just hope folks are considerate in their writing, but I also am inclined to just believe them if they say that's their intention because QPRs can look very different. Again, aroace and ace folks are not a monolith. The terms help to describe a human's experience. I'm inclined to think people are writing in good faith.

And all this being said, I want to just emphasize that I really don't think it's necessary to consider any of this shit if you want to ship a fictional character. I understand wanting to be protective of a character who shares an identifier with you (I personally don't wanna see romance/sex with Al in canon). But shipping is a fun thing a fandom does that often does ignore canon. Tale as old as time. I don't think anyone needs to be beholden to canon when they're writing fanfiction or having fun. If we did, I would have like--5 artworks on this blog hahaha. These characters are like dollies, do whatever you want. It's cool if people don't like it and I think it's cool if people do. It's just not that serious. There are ships I'm not particularly into or dynamics that I am not enchanted by, but whatever. I can just scroll or close my eyes.

TLDR; shipping in fandom doesn't need to be taken seriously at ALL. It can just be fun way for someone to play with fictional characters they like. That being said, I think it's good practice to use queer terms thoughtfully.

[bloggingboutburgers]

hi! so, uh, I wasn't really sure where to send this, but you seem nice and (hopefully) have some advice. I'm aroace, specifically sapphic-oriented cupioromantic ace, and I think I have a squish on this one girl. or maybe mesh? idk. all I know is that I really like her and want to be close to her, I think the word for me is alterous attraction? or maybe platonic or aesthetic, because I think she looks really cool too. honestly, I'm not really sure what the heck I feel :') could be a crush, squish, mesh, or just wanting to be friends. uhh anyways, I'm not really sure what to do about it. idk, I guess I want to become closer to her?

anyways, sorry for bothering you. basically I was wondering if you have any thoughts on what im feeling, what I should do, and also maybe how you and your qpp got into a qpr with each other? if u dont mind.

oh! and congrats on you engagement, your 'no one can know I dont like sex' comics make me smile and also have helped me figure out myself! thanks.

Hey!! I'm so sorry I'm replying to this ask so late T^T Kinda buried myself in other projects of let myself get distracted for this blog for a lil while... Either way I hope I'm not too late TwT And don't worry, you're not bothering at all!! (Also thank you so much for the kind words, they mean a lot TwT)

I guess... Whatever you do about it is up to you honestly, as vapid as that probably sounds of me! Heck, maybe you've already taken some steps since writing to me too, late as I am...

I also don't wanna put a label on how you feel, because it's a very personal thing, but I'll say – honestly you don't even necessarily NEED to put a label on it, not yet or not ever (whatever works for you), if you're not sure how to call it. The most important thing is if you're vibing with what you are, besides that you don't owe anyone any explanation. Though I guess it's also understandable to want to know what to call it if you're gonna bring it up to her... But also (maybe I'm naive, but yeah) I think there's nothing wrong with just sincerely saying you don't know how to call things yet either, even to her. I feel it'd be fair to both of you still, personally.

As far as me and my QPP, I didn't do anything – they were the one who realized they had a squish on me and took all the steps originally to get it going 🙈 Which they told me was definitely nerve-wracking! But yeah, their handle is @civiart if you want to reach out to them too for more advice, or they can also answer further questions here on my behalf, they told me whichever is fine with them^^

But also in case it helps, I've actually drawn how it went down for us here in the past, and I tried to elaborate a bit on my own experience of a QPR here and here!

And sorry again for being late TwT I wish you the best though!

[g1r-ap0ca1yps3]

Intro to my account!

Hi I'm Conan i often go by the nickname Cade though I wont use tumbler a lot and if you want to get in contact with me your best bet is my Pinterest which I'll link at the end but yeah i guess I'll say some things about myself

I'm a transgender boy i use the term demi boy more as a side label since I also identify with xenogenders but mostly just a boy lol i use he/it pronouns along with all neos and yeah thats it for my gender i think

Okay i use a lot of stuff for my sexuality but basically I'm aroace oriented and omni romantic + i use biromantic as a umbrella term. I'm ambiamorous which means I'm open to polyamory and monoamory relationships. i use a lot of labels so if you wanna see them all check out my pronouns page I'll link it at the end

Next i guess I'll talk about my mental health lmao so basically i have depression and unspecified anxiety disorder professionally diagnosed also professionally diagnosed ODC and dyslexia and Dysgraphia so if theres any spelling or grammar mistakes in this please be patient

I'm trying to be scene and emo but i listen to a lot of different music genres my favorite are scene, scenecore, hyper pop, pov: Indie, scenemo and emo. I'm alternative kinda scene kinda scenecore kinda emo just a blend lolz.

I'm a huge anime fan i love things like ouran host club, banna fish, SK8 the infinity, Bungo stray dogs, ohshi no ko, the stranger my the shore, toilet bound hanako kun, demon slayer, yuri on ice, sasaki to Miyano and a lot more i also read manga when i can find it online for free cuz I'm broke asf

I'm a minor so any donation requests will be ignored as i cannot donate and i also don't want to repost something if i don't know if it's legit so i apologize but i will just delete those dms and comments i do hope if your in actual need of help you can raise the money but at this moment i am not able to help and am not able to confirm your legitimacy

I see people putting a dni list so I'll make one too ig? If your Racist, homophobic, transphobic, ablist, xenophobic, extremely judgemental, say things like "OMG I'M SO AUTISTIC/ADHD/ECT" and you don't have that thing, really anything toxic in General your a dni. A few more things that aren't necessarily a dni but kinda are? If you hate on furries, therians, otherkin, alterhumans, ect. I'm not any of those but in my opinion it's just stupid, annoying, and petty to hear people hate on them when what they do literally doesn't affect you whatsoever so yeah a dni but if your neutral to them then not a dni

!Important! Even though I've put my sexualities and wanting a QPR I'm not open to online dating and never will be!

Yeah i think thats it I'll put the links to some of my platforms I'll update this whenever things change also keep in mind my TikTok is not my personal account it’s my online one

[sprnklersplashes]

The reason a lot of us "can't handle" qpr is because it's hard to understand how it's different than a deep friendship. We don't understand why we can't just normalize close friends living together and being physically affectionate without labeling it something else. The reason sexual and romantic partners have different words from friends is because of the kinds of feelings involved are generally different. qpr aren't different than friendship, it's just a label some people use for stronger and closer friends. I guess it just feels to me like it downplays the importance of friendships and puts up a wall instead of normalizing allowing friendship to include those things.

"queerplatonic" refers to a relationship that blurs the line between romantic and platonic, not necessarily 'stronger than a friendship'. while queerplatonic partners can mean "platonic life partner" for some people, for others it is a genuine blurring of boundaries because their feelings do not separate evenly into the binary of romantic/platonic. in angela chen's book ACE, one of her interviewees says they genuinely have the same feelings for their QPP as they do their husband. unless you are in a qpr or know very deeply and intimately someone who is in one, you cannot say it's different from a friendship.

to quote from the same book, QPPs are often less about specific feelings or intensity of such and more about "action and attitude... an explicit commitment to the partner and to the bond". I, and everyone who is in, wants or supports QPPs, agree that we should normalise friends living together and being close. we also need changes on a more structural level; not just normalising but actively accepting people who have never been romantically involved raising a child, couples therapists to work with friends/QPPs, the living with friends not being accepted only as a "last resort" because they are both single. queerplatonic relationships were born in response to amanormativity to normalise being in a lifelong commitment to someone who is not a romantic partner, not as a way of accommodating it. they exist to destabilise the idea that romantic relationships are the most important and the only ones worth committing to.

once again quoting angela chen "qpps take a type of relationship that is usually taken lightly (friendship) and decide it is important enough to merit unusual and potentially awkward conversations".

[knifearo]

I am a romance repulsed aro and I honestly never knew what a QPR really is. Or maybe I do have an idea, and the idea I have in mind isn't very favorable because to me it looks like a different flavor of 'aromantic people can date too!'

Can someone pls help me understand how this even works because i don't want to base my definition off from guessing what it means by observing what people make it out to be.

okay so as a nonpartnering aro i am going to preface this with the fact that i am ALSO definitely not an expert on qprs. i will offer you the wikipedia definition first:

Queerplatonic relationships (QPR) and queerplatonic partnerships (QPP) are committed intimate relationships which are not romantic in nature. They may differ from usual close friendships by having more explicit commitment, validation, status, structure, and norms, similar to a conventional romantic relationship. The concept originates in aromantic and asexual spaces in the LGBT community. Like romantic relationships, queerplatonic relationships are sometimes said to involve a deeper and more profound emotional connection than typical friendship.

personally i think my best understanding of the term is that it's a platonic (nonromantic) relationship that's been queered (in that it is a different kind of relationship from "typical" platonic relationships). this comes with all kinds of caveats for sure and like i was saying in that earlier post we're just not far enough in the popular discourse with some of our terms. platonic is not a term that encompasses all nonromantic relationships, and the wikipedia entry essentially saying that it's "more than friends" is part of a kind of rhetoric that a lot of aromantic people consider amatonormative. generally though! from what i understand. a queerplatonic relationship can be whatever you want it to be. another anon just said that "it doesn't go friendship -> QPR -> romantic relationship. they're all just……. relationships!!!!" which is a fantastic way to put it. a qpr is whatever two people who have a relationship that they think is best described as a qpr have. queerness often inherently defies labels etc. etc.

i know the idea of partnering specifically can feel like it's just following the conventions of amatonormativity and the expectation of pairing up with one other person. i would personally not label my relationships as qprs at this time in my life for that reason. what it comes down to is how people choose to describe their own experiences though! ultimately the queer people in qprs are not the ones making it "romance lite"; they are queer people in queer relationships. the people who make it feel like "romance lite" are the alloro people who ARE falsely equating it to "dating for aros". and i think we can just safely ignore those guys. or tell them to shut up. and go back to having queer relationships.

everyone please add on anything you feel like needs to be added/corrected about qprs!!! saying rn that i am NOT the expert and i defer to those of us who engage in qprs <2 hope this is still helpful though :)

[terresdebrume]

.

[prongsandhisfoot]

new headcanon!

y’all (there’s no y’all to y’all but i’ll do it anyways) probably won’t like it too much but. i have now decided.

sirius black = aroace. is that entirely because i’m aroace? yes. is that also entirely because it often makes sense? yes. think about it: he’s often characterized as, to put it bluntly, going around and fucking people without being really into them. and then he meets remus or marlene or OFC or the love of his life or something, who cares. lots of people do, actually. still. i disagree.

and then you get the queerplatonic prongsfoot you deserve! we all deserve. strong bond greater than friendship that isn’t romance...y’all, sirius black / a james potter who doesn’t give a fuck about labels but is perfectly satisfied being with sirius black for the rest of his life but. still not putting a label on that, since they don’t need to be dating or anything--everyone else considers them dating and they don’t mind but they also don’t care. they fight a lot and sometimes do stuff (libido =/ attraction ! ) and sometimes go fuck other people when they’re mad because i never said it was healthy. i don’t think i’m selling this very well.

anyways, go read pioneers because it’s formed my. life. it’s romantic...of a nature, but i still will forever argue that james/sirius is the best fucking (well, worst, but from an entertainment standpoint) qpr in the world. it makes sense. life partners. doesn’t need to be romantic at its core, but it can have romance.

i guess going and hc characters with your sexuality but this one i’ve been figuring out for a while (it just went ding ding ding today) and am in love with. and it’s a little better rep than peter or voldemort or even regulus, lol. only other often aroace character is charlie but i read a fic once where he was just aro and my mind now refuses anything else. not my fav character anyways.

wow i guess sirius black is my favorite character. i- should have expected that. love him! (in an aromantic aseuxal way <3 unfortunately the only way i can <3)

also. this is a prongsfoot post. it’s not just them friends while james goes and marries lily...though that’s for another day. lol. (and i love lily y’all and jily--but this is just. anyways.) it’s prongsfoot in a relationship that isn’t standard...but that’s what they’re mostly like together anyways. in fics. which there aren’t many of. obsessed with each other. romantic? nah, not really. sexual? sure, not needed though. together? completely.

[just-aro]

hey im a little confused. ive asked several people and ive been told i can be nonamorous / nonpartnering yet desire a close friendship, then today another aro said that is impossible because a close friendship is a partnership. they claimed you'd need comittment in that type of relationship (which btw i dont understand that argument because i guess i have "comittment" in every relationship, im not just going to let my friends leave, im going to fight to be their friend for as long as i can). i hate the word "partnership" or "partners", it makes me so uncomfortable to put that kind of label on any relationship i have

hi,

i have no fucking clue how the perspective that you can't be nonamorous or nonpartnering and have a close friendship would even work. commitment of the type each refers to is typically like... romo/qpr/similar, and that involves a mutual discussion of interest in a partnering/amorous relationship. you can't just, be in a relationship of that style without explicit communication of such.

while i can't speak for all aros, I think this is an occasion where this other aro is misinformed and speaking over a subject they do not understand.

- mod kee

[the-sympathetic-villain]

New Labels

AO3

Pairings: QPR Lociet

Warnings: Light insecurity/Anxiety

Word count: 3,989

Description: Logan and Janus rescue a kitten on their first date :)

[Reposting this for better formatting on my writing masterpost]

gosh part of me wants to revisit this AU lol

-

    “Well…I guess I'll see you later.”

    “I would assume so. You do tend to frequent my place of employment rather consistently.”

    Ouch.

    Janus tried to hide his hurt as he smiled crookedly up at the cute barista that he'd only recently managed to work up the courage to ask out on a date. A crack of thunder rolled across the sky above them, and Janus watched as Logan pulled down the hood of his raincoat.

    Crappy weather for a date.

    Despite Logan's constant reassurances that he enjoyed the rain, Janus couldn’t help but feel that their date had been doomed from the start. He sighed and smiled. If he was being honest with himself, things could have gone worse. He knew he'd loved every minute of their afternoon together and he only hoped Logan felt the same. They’d had lunch at a quiet little bistro downtown that Logan had recommended and after they’d ran through the pouring rain down the block to one of Logan's favorite bookstores. A warm smile spread across Janus' at the fresh memory of following Logan through the aisles listening to him talk endlessly about all of his favorite authors. Logan could go on for hours and Janus was all too eager to listen.  The way his face lit up when he was excited was too pure and perfect. He was perfect. Logan had even inquired about Janus’ reading preferences and picked out some novels for him to read so they could discuss them later.

    Guess that doesn’t mean much though, if there's not going to be a second date.

    Janus swallowed sadly. The date really had been perfect.

    Why did I have to get invested?

    He'd been debating about asking for him for months. Janus knew his schedule at the coffee shop by heart at this point. They’d been taking for nearly a year and his best friend had talked him into at least asking him out.

    I'm going to kill Ro—

    “I have some concerns about your caffeine intake. Continued reliance on stimulants can affect your mood and sleep patterns.” Logan absentmindedly pulled his keys from his pocket and worked through the keys to find the right one. Janus felt his heart skip a beat as Logan tilted his head up to smirk at him. “Then again, if it weren't for your dependence on caffeine, I would see you much less and that would be truly disappointing."

    Janus stifled a squeak of surprise as flash of lightning illuminated Logan's porch. He played it cool, hoping the lightning had  distracted Logan from the almost certainly undignified face he'd made at Logan's words. With a devilish smile, he took a step closer to Logan as thunder rumbled around them. “I definitely would never put my heath at risk in order to see you more often.”

    This time it was Logan's turn to blush and Janus couldn't help the smile that quirked on his lips at the sight.

    Logan cleared his throat, and fumbled with his keys. Janus raised an eyebrow. He seemed to be stalling, even as he moved to leave. “Well, umm. Yes. I suppose we should part ways for the night.”

    Oh god. He wants me to kiss him.

    A slight shiver ran up Janus' spine at the thought and his smile faltered for a moment. It wasn’t that Logan was an unattractive person. Quite the opposite actually. Janus often caught himself staring at Logan whenever he wasn't careful. Janus swallowed nervously. Logan wasn’t the problem. Aesthetically, he was very attractive. Janus just didn't wasn't the type for romantic attraction, or sexual really, but he'd always been more repulsed by romantic gestures than anything.

    The hand-holding, sappy, over-the-top displays of affection that everyone in the world seemed to enjoy made his stomach turn. Kissing most of all confounded him. Why people seemed to enjoy trying to swallow each other’s tongues, he'd never know.

    But they do and I don't. I guess it’s better to rip off the band-aid now and tell him I'm aromantic. It's better to see if he can live with that before this goes too far.

    Janus swallowed nervously. Rejection was never easy, and he wasn't sure he could handle it coming from the barista who he'd seen nearly every day for the last year.

    God, I'm never going to be able to get a decent cup of coffee again.

    “Listen, Logan—” He started nervously.

    Mew.

    Janus stopped, seeing the confused expression on Logan's face. “Do you have a cat?”

    Logan shook his head, glancing around the porch. “I do not.”

    “It's pouring rain right now.” Janus glanced around at the puddles of water pooling in the shallow dips in Logan's yard.

    Mewww.

    The cat's call was longer this time and was almost shrill with fear.

    “Perhaps, we should locate this cat. It appears to be distressed and combination of rain and wind could pose potential danger for a small animal.” Janus could see the worry growing in Logan’s eyes, and he nodded, following behind Logan as he stepped off the porch to follow the noise.

    Mewwww.

    The calls were getting louder and more insistent as they approached the far side of the deck and peered through the cross hatch underneath.

    Mewwww.

    Janus eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness under the deck and he could just make out a small, black kitten cowering in the shadows.

    “It's young,” Logan looked over at Janus with a serious expression. “Barely old enough to be weaned. It must have squeezed through the gaps in the wood and gotten stuck.”

   Janus nodded. “Well, since I'm definitely slender enough to slip through that gap, do you have a drill?”

    Logan raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you going to take it apart?”

    “What?” Janus smiled teasingly at him. “I don’t seem trustworthy?”

    His coyness seemed to fall on deaf ears as nervous settled across Logan’s face. “Are you licensed?”

    “No, but I know what I'm doing, and if we waste time trying to find someone with the proper qualifications, that kitten is going to be iintrouble.” Logan still looked wary, but Janus was quick to reassure him. “Trust me. I've done this several times before. It's just a couple of screws holding it in place. It'll pop right back on when I'm done.”

    Logan nodded and Janus blushed at the subtle smile that appeared on his face. “Okay, I'll be right back.”

    Logan stood up and went inside, leaving Janus squatting in the drizzling rain as he looked down at the little kitten shivering near one of the supporting posts.

    “Hey there, little one.” He made a clicking noise with his tongue, trying to coax it closer. “It’s a little cold out here, huh?”

    Mew.

    “I know. We're going to get you out of there and find some place warm for yiu to stay. Okay?”

    Mew.

    Too his surprise, the kitten stood up, approaching him cautiously. Janus reached out a hand rubbing his fingers together and clicking. “Come on, buddy. Make this easier on us and just come out of there.”

    Mew.

    “How about you do me a solid and help me impress this cute boy I'm on a date with?”

    Mew.

    The kitten stopped just behind the crisscrossing wood and sat on the ground. Janus sighed and smiled. “Just like a cat to make things difficult.”

    Mew.

    “No? Nature itself would like me to fail?” Janus rolled his eyes. “That hardly what I ever would have expected."

    Janus reached his fingers through the wood, but stopped as the kitten backed away cautiously. He waited patiently as the kitten relaxed. Janus could feel the rain dripping down his face as the cat sniffed his hand. Janus smiled as the whiskers tickled his hand. The cat rubbed its face on Janus' hand and allowed him to reach up to scratch it's chin. “See? I’m not a bad guy, right?”

    Meewwww.

    The cat whined as Janus pulled his hand out from the gap. “Well, come out then if you want more.”

    Mew.

    The kitten trailed behind his fingers and reluctantly pushed it head through the door. Janus picked it up, cuddling it close in his arms. The little, cat purred happily in his hands as he scratched his chin. He slowly stood up, just as Logan came around the corner, with a drill in one hand and a towel in the other. His shoulders dropped in surprise as he noticed the purring kitten in Janus' arms.

    A subtle smirk appeared on Logan's face as the worry disappeared “I see you didn't actually require my assistance at all.”

    Janus' heart fluttered with pride at the smile on Logan’s lips, but he forced himself to play it off nonchalantly. “I only needed a moment alone to work my magic powers.”

    Logan smirked back at him. “Well, I will admit I am impressed.”

    “Yes,  it’s definitely that, and not at all the fact that you’re relieved that I don't have to take your deck apart.” Janus smiled smugly.

    “I won’t deny that is preferential to the alternative, but I am impressed you seem to have all the have all the beauty and power of a Disney princess.” Logan narrowed his eyes playfully at him.

    Great. At least I know Roman would approve.

    Janus rolled his eyes. “Are we going inside then?”

    Logan hesitated, suddenly nervous again. When he finally spoke, hos voice was friendly, but cautious. “I must admit I don't usually allow the men I date into my home on the first date."

    “Yes, because I often plan to rescue a scared kitten in order to gain access to my date’s homes.” Janus immediately regretted his sarcasm as a look of discomfort crossed Logan’s face. “You know what? That wasn't fair, Logan. If you're uncomfortable, I’ll go. Do you want to take—"

    Logan’s face softened quickly and he held up a hand to stop him. “You’re not going anywhere, Janus.”

    Janus froze in confusion. “But you just said—”

    “I know,” Logan smiled sweetly at him. “but these are hardly normal circumstance. You are helping me, and you’re soaking wet for your efforts. I think I can bend the rules for you. After all, you're hardly a stranger at this point.”

    The corner of Janus' lips twitched into a smile and nodded as Logan led him around the front of his house. Stepping inside, he couldn't help but notice that the walls of the room were lined with unpacked boxes.

    “Did you just move in?”

    “Yesterday.” Logan slipped off his raincoat to reveal the dark blue button up and tie he'd come to expect with him.

    “It's a nice place.” Janus glanced around. His home was small, maybe two bedrooms, but it was nicely painted and the dark leather sofa and end tables in the room were definitely high quality. The cloud cover outside dampened the natural light in the room, but a small lamp in the corner illuminated the room in a warm light. “Do you live alone?”

    Logan raised an eyebrow at him.

    Janus flushed, holding the sleeping kitten close to his chest. “Sorry. I suppose I it would have been wise to start with a less serial-killer-type question.”

    Logan laughed and Janus couldn't help but grin stupidly at the smile on Logan’s face.

  “I think I can find it in myself to overlook your red flags.” Logan opened one of the boxes and began to unload it's contents in neat piles on the floor. “I had a previous house mate, but he recently moved in with his boyfriend and I moved here.”

    “That's rough. I suppose money's a bit tight then? I can't imagine you make enough as a barista to easily afford a place like this.”

    Logan lifted the empty box with him as he stood up, giving Janus a strange look. “You are aware I own the coffee shop I work in, correct?”

    “What?” Janus mouth dropped open as he nearly shouted in surprise. The kitten mewed irritably, and Janus dropped his voice. “Since when?”

    “Since it's inception.” Logan shrugged as he put the shallow box on the sofa. “The previous roommate I mentioned and I actually own a few of them throughout town.”

    Janus looked at him dumbfounded.  “Is that why you won't let me tip you?”

    Logan smiled at Janus’ shock and shrugged as he pulled a blanket off the back of the couch.  He tucked the blanket into the box to make a makeshift bed for the kitten in Janus' arms. “It’s not customary to tip the proprietor of an establishment.”

    “But you never said that was why.” Janus spat out. “You just played coy with me.”

    Logan smirked at him and laughed. “I was… I believe the correct phrase is, ‘being a tease.’”

    “Do you mean to tell me you've been flirting with me this entire time?”

    “Clearly.” He stated plainly, but Janus could see the subtle smile tugging at his lips. His smile grew as he reached his hands out. “Now, give her to me.”

    “Her?” Janus asked as he passed the kitten to Logan

    “I'm fairly certain judging by her size and physical traits but…” The cat chirped in protest of being lifted out of the warm towel and he lifted her up to examine her. “She is female. Although I suppose the pronouns are arbitrary, considering cats are not familiar with human social construct of gender—”

    “You’re trying to distract me from the fact that you flirted with me for a year, and as you can see, it's working flawlessly.” Janus crossed his arms and tried to look disappointed.

    Logan merely rolled his eyes and tucked the kitten under his arm as he reached into an open box to grab a small towel. He gently massaged the dampness off the purring kitten in his hand as he continued speaking. “I think that I enjoy having the figurative tables turned. Usually it is I who is considered the oblivious party.”

    “You mean to tell me I could have been dating you this whole time?” Janus put his hand on his forehead in dramatic, mock frustration. “Tragedy does strike at me yet again.”

    “You have been quite the conversation at the coffee shop. If I'm not mistaken,  there were even betting pools about when you were finally going to ask me out.” Janus blushed and Logan chuckled as the kitten started to climb his shirt. He carefully unhooked the kitten’s claws from his shirt and set her down in the box, and for a moment, they watched as the kitten began to knead the blankets, apparently enthralled by the soft material. Logan drew his eyes away and glanced up at him with a soft smile. “Personally, I'm glad you waited a while though. I prefer to know someone for some time before I consider them as a romantic partner.”

    Logan’s voice was carefree as he reached down to stroke the kitten, but Janus heart sank as he was reminded of the potential deal breaker hanging over his head. “Logan…”

    Logan's head shot back up at his serious tone.

    “Come sit.” He gestured for Logan to join him on the couch. Janus sat on one side of the box and Logan slowly dropped onto to other side. He hung his head and was quiet for a while, hesitant to break their easy chemistry.

    “Janus, if I have offended you in some way, I’m sorry—” Logan looked over at him with concern in his eyes.

    “You didn't offend me.” Janus hung his head, anxiety building in his chest. He watched kitten twirl around in the box between them and drop into the blanket, laying her head on her tail as she settled in comfortably.  “I just would prefer to have this discussion before either if us get too invested.”

    Logan stared at him for a while, but nodded and waited patiently as Janus gathered his thoughts.

    “Logan, I'm aromantic.” Janus looked up at him expecting disappointment, but was met with a confused expression.

    “Well, yes. You smell very pleasant. I don't know what that has to do—”

    “What?” Janus paused for a moment before the realization his him. “No. Not aromatic, Logan. Aromantic.”

    Logan paused. “I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with the term.”

    “Oh, right.” Janus hadn't considered that he may have to explain the concept. “Have you heard of the split attraction model?”

    Logan looked at him curiously. “No.”

    Janus smiled patiently at him. “It’s based on the idea that there are multiple types of attraction. Many people experience sexual and romantic attraction simultaneously  so they consider them to be the same thing, but there's a spectrum of people who experience attraction differently or not at all., and I'm one of those people.”

    Logan nodded contemplatively. “Okay.”

    “I'm still questioning some of my identity. I assume I'm demisexual, which means I only find people attractive with whom I've formed a significant attachment. To be honest though, I've never been in a situation where I've put that theory into practice so to speak,” Janus sighed and hung his head. “But I know I'm aromantic.”

    “Which means what exactly?” Logan inquired seriously, stroking the kitten between them.

    “I don't experience romantic attraction.” Janus watched Logan's neutral expression as he explained. “I’m not drawn to people, because I want to be romantic or lovey with them. I don't like holding hands or sappy romantic gestures. The idea of kissing is repulsive to me. I just don't enjoy being part of that kind of relationship, because that kind of affection makes me uncomfortable.”

    “So, you are just interested in the potential for sex?”

    “No,” Janus’ face scrunched in disgust. “I'm not looking for that at all.”

    “I’m sorry. I'm trying not to assume anything.” Logan paused and Janus could see the struggle to understand in Logan's face. “I'm just trying to figure out what your intentions for asking me out were, if they weren't due to some degree of attraction.”

    Janus looked up at him, desperation in his eyes. “I am attracted to you in my own way. I enjoyed spending time with you and talking today. I like listening to you laugh or listening to tall excitedly about books. My attraction for you is real. It's just not romantic.”

    Logan watched him carefully. “And you’re not just trying to tell me you just want to be friends?”

    “No.” Janus said tiredly. His anxiety gave way to exhaustion. “I am interested in a committed relationship with you. I just don't want the type of relationship you see in a rom-com. I want to spend time with you rescuing cats and drinking coffee.”

    Logan was quiet for a long time and Janus heart sank further and further with each passing second. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he felt his heart shattering.

     “So,” Logan spoke slowly. “You want to spend time with me. You want to be in a relationship, but you don't want to kiss me hold hands or be affectionate?”

     Janus couldn't bring himself to look up at Logan’s face. “I'd be affectionate. It just manifests differently. Something like the thought of listening to you talk excitedly about the stars is more appealing to me that the thought of kissing you.”

     Logan was silent, and Janus finally looked up at him. His hand had stopped moving on the kitten's back. Janus heart shattered at the downcast look on Logan’s face. He felt tears in his eyes.

    Damn it. Why'd I get invested?

    Rejection sucks.

   He choked back a sob, and stood to leave. “I'm sorry. This is stupid—”

    “Janus—”

    “I'm sorry I wasted your time.” Janus turned to go, but Logan caught his wrist.

    “Janus, stop.”

    “Logan, if you don't want this, it's fi—” Janus’ words failed him as he turned to see tears in Logan’s eyes.

    Logan looked down at where he held Janus' wrist before moving his gaze up to his eyes. “I’m sorry. I needed a moment to process what you were saying, I think… I think I may be aromantic too. I just lacked a word to define my feelings.”

    Janus froze for a moment, but as Logan dropped his wrist, Janus turned to kneel in front of Logan. “Shit, I didn’t see that coming. I'm sorry. Are you doing okay?”

    “I'm not the only one." Logan’s voice was breathless.

    Janus' lip curled into a smile. “You're not alone, Logan.”

    Logan sighed and he chuckled softly as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “I'm sorry. I’m not usually prone to being this dramatic.”

    “You aren't being dramatic.”

    “Is that one of your blatant falsehoods that you hide under the guise of sarcasm?” Logan sniffed, but Janus could see a smile twitch on his lips.

    “No, I've never been so truthful about anything in my life.” Janus reached a hand out and rested it on Logan's forearm. “Society puts pressure on us to live a certain way. The release of knowing there are other options can be a lot to handle.”

    “I never even considered there may be alternatives.” Logan ran a hand through his hair and Janus couldn't resist smiling as Logan mussed his own hair. Seeing Logan let his guard down made his heart flutter. “I simply accepted that I would be slightly uncomfortable in my relationships.”

    “You don't have to do that,” Janus smiled up at the him nervously. “especially if I get a part in your journey.”

    “Janus?”

    “Yes, Logan?” Janus gently squeezed his wrist.

    “May I hug you?”

    “Yes. I’m certainly not dying for you to do just  that.”

    Janus stretched his arms out and a warm feeling flooded his chest as Logan pulled him close.

    “Thank you, Jan."

    Janus' heart fluttered at the nickname and he smiled. “For what?”

    “For giving me a word to explain what I've been feeling.”

    “I'm glad I could help you.” Janus pulled back as Logan released him. His breath caught in his throat at the sight of Logan’s warm smile and the wet streaks of happy tears glistening on his face. “Can I assume you’re still interested in continuing to see me then?”

    “God, yes.” Logan's face flushed and he nervously backtracked. “I mean, if that would be favorable to you.”

    “God, yes please.” Janus laughed. His face was almost sore from how wide he was smiling as he wiped away the tears that were now falling freely down his face. Logan laughed and Janus would have sworn that sound to be the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard.

    Mew.

    Janus tore his eyes away from Logan to look down the tiny, black cat crawling to the edge of the box. Realizing she was close to edge, he reached out to stop her, but his reaction was a moment too slow. With a tumble, the kitten fell over the edge of the box and landed softly in Logan’s lap. Janus leaned back on his ankles, watching Logan smile as he stroked the kitten in his lap. She purred loudly, bumping her head insistently against Logan’s hands in demand for more attention.

    “What are you going to do with her?”

    Logan looked up at Janus with a sad smile. “She is well taken care of a shows indications of prior human socialization, so I expect I should attempt to find her owner.”

    Janus smirked, seeing the growing fondness in Logan's eyes as he looked down at the satisfied kitten. “And if you can't find her owner?”

    “I have always desired the companionship of a cat. They're exceptionally clever creatures, but I never had the opportunity because my previous housemate was allergic.” Logan looked up at Janus with a sparkle in his eye. “So, if attempts to find her owner are unsuccessful, you may have just given me the perfect house-warming gift.”

    “Good, because I want to give you everything.” Janus smiled happily and his heart felt light in his chest as he stared into Logan’s eyes.

[altschmerzes]

re: accusing partnering aros of enforcing amatonormativity, I’m really not sure what’s going on there either?? like, I can say that a while back a good portion of the aro blogs I follow started id’ing as loveless (which is completely fine, btw! I don’t have any problems with that label), but I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it, or if it does, if it is just a miscommunication or tone issue. are people really trying to claim being in a QPR, a nebulous relationship, or even just being an “overly” committed friend is completely accepted without romantic undertones, like people don’t still make “oh you mean like having friends” jabs about QPRs in particular? if so, yeah that’s pretty bad but since I haven’t seen someone say it that strongly I’m gonna guess it’s a miscommunication or tone issue (feel free to correct me if that’s actually what you’ve seen happening). I haven’t seen aros being outright encouraged to “replace” romance with a QPR (not to say that it could never happen), but what I HAVE seen before is people warning each other NOT to do that. again, I really don’t think I’ve seen a ton of alloro people outright encourage aros to be in QPRs or some other kind of partnership. (possible exception is how the cost of living in a lot of places is too high to be met alone or without a really good job, but that’s not the fault of aros who want to partner,,,,,, like lads that’s just amatonormativity and it affects all of us. nebulous relationships not being widely accepted is part of that???? and if it’s a thing where people are claiming you could just pretend to be a “normal” married couple, erasure is not a privilege. having to be closeted because most people wouldn’t understand your relationship is not a BENEFIT just because it could potentially protect you from social consequences)

granted, I’ve only been involved with the aro community for about a year or two, so if there’s something further there I’d like to know. sorry if I’m reading too deep into it or whatever I’m just Lost on what the hell is going on. and, non-partnering aro folk, if you’re just venting about relationship hierarchy then apologies to you too for assuming the worst🤷‍♂️ I don’t mean to start discourse here I just Do Not Understand /gen

re my previous ask: didn’t mean to imply that people in QPR’s need to or even WANT to get married. apologies if that’s what the wording made it seem like.

re: the addendum first of all, of course!! i didn't assume so, but thank you for the clarification regardless. people in qprs/committed nonromantic relationships can and do get married, but there's no expectation for them to need or want to! same for romantic relationships. marriage is right for some people and not right for others, and that's fine. (for some, marriage isn't an option even if they do want it, but that's another conversation.)

anyways! to the bulk of your ask. i'm gonna put this under a cut bc the answer got very long, but please to anyone reading this understand that i am expressing my opinions and experiences in good faith and respect, and would request anyone responding to me to do the same. i'm not trying to upset anyone or start arguments, i'm merely discussing a type of post that i've seen a surge in lately and the way they impact me.

in respect to my loveless community members, whom i respect and uplift even though their experience is very different from my own, i'm gonna say it's not related to the recent uptick in that identifier. i'm sure a lot of it is a miscommunication issue - that people making these posts are not intending for them to come off the way that they are, or to be as hurtful as they are to other members of their own community.

as to whether people really are making the claim that qprs and other types of nonromantic committed relationship is accepted and normalized as opposed to nonpartnering, which isn't, then yeah, i've seen that asserted repeatedly. i don't know if people saying that mean it like in general or specifically in the aro community, but if they mean just in the aro community:

they need to be way more clear in their wording because it all sounds like 'aros in qprs are just allowed to do whatever and their relationships are validated, celebrated, and unquestioned', which is just. factually untrue. amatonormative society wants people in romantic relationships (generally speaking, straight relationships, though there is amatonormativity abounds in the queer community too, so this isn't what i'm talking about here). it's not like we live in a reality of romantic and nonromantic relationships are elevated in the same way (with nonromantic relationships being seen as the Aro Alternative) and nonpartnering is othered and looked down on. it's that romantic relationships are the ideal and the goal, and Anything Else - be it partnering in a way amatonormative society finds unacceptable or nonpartnering or what have you - is othered and looked down on. this is obvious as hell in a lot of ways, but especially the couple of times the last year or so that someone's post about their committed nonromantic relationship went viral on social media (reddit, tiktok, etc) and people just could not be normal or reasonable about it.

if it did BECOME that way (that it was widely and generally accepted and supported, even as the still-derogatory 'aro version' of amatonormative society's goal) it would still not be the fault or responsibility of aromantic people in nonromantic partnerships of any kind. but this is not the case, so talking about it like it is isn't helpful to anyone.

in my eight years of experience in the aro community, qprs/nonromantic partnerships are no more generally accepted/lauded than any other way of life and doing relationships, including nonpartnering. i think there was some more potentially problematic language in older resources about types of relationships aromantic people can 'still have' and whatnot, but the language i see these days in even more 101 resources is a lot more inclusive like 'aromantic people can have xyz types of relationships and some do but some don't' type stuff. i personally in my experience see and have seen more positivity/general representation in aro posts for people who are nonpartnering, people who prefer living alone, people who choose not to 'do life' so to speak with a partner. maybe this is just because of who i've been exposed to via blogs i've followed/posts i've seen in the tags/conversations i've come across in my years in and around the community! but i have not personally seen anything concrete demonstrating what anyone could be referring to re: some kind of hierarchy within the aro community that values aros in any kind of relationship over aros that choose not to partner at all.

and honestly though there are fewer posts outright saying that it's already happening, i have much the same issues, honestly, with posts that are "people warning each other NOT to do that." re: approaching/being in qprs/otherwise labeled nonromantic committed relationships in an amatonormative way or somehow using them to perpetuate amatonormativity. warning people not to do that feels very similar to me to accusing them of doing it, but with plausible deniability. i find little meaningful difference in it, because why would you be making something up to warn people about if you don't see a clear and imminent approach of it happening?

and i just don't... see the basis for that. none of the posts i'm thinking of or was referring to contain any actual explanation of what it is that they're upset about partnering aros doing/saying other than... being partnering? while the OPs of those posts feel discriminated against or mistreated for being nonpartnering. which is a real and true thing that happens! but is not being (generally aside from i'm sure individual bad actors which exist in every community) done and perpetuated by other aro people. and even if those posts are addressed outside the community - which it is never clear to me if they are, if that's the case - the implication that i always get is that they're made out of anger or upset at the aro community/other aro people somehow.

nobody can seem to point me in the direction of actual examples of this (qprs/nonromantic relationships perpetuating amatonormativity, which in itself just. feels ridiculous to me because amatonormativity is inherently opposed to nonromantic relationships) happening. i don't see what this is based on!

all i can see is (justified!) upset and anger at arophobia that's manifested a certain way in the lives of certain people that is being displaced at other aromantic people who are also the victims of arophobia just not in the exact same way, and who are not responsible for the harm the OPs of these posts are experiencing.

and like as to the idea of being able to pretend one's nonromantic partner was just a 'regular' romantic partner in any context (marriage, living together, just. in a relationship in general), yeah that's like. erasure isn't a privilege, and personally the idea of someone mistaking a relationship like that for me as a romantic relationship is extremely upsetting to me, as i'm an incredibly intensely romance repulsed person.

i'm assuming the nonpartnering people making these posts are often venting. and maybe i'm seeing an abnormally large number of those posts because of some algorithm-related reason! but the way those venting posts are put often feels to me like justified and real anger and upset being vented in an inappropriate direction. and they're often addressed outwardly, so it's impossible to tell if they're vent posts or actual instructions/requests/chastisements to others. i just can't tell, and i'm sure the intent is not to have any of the impact that i'm discussing here. but the reality, for me and for others i've spoken to who feel similarly, is that the way these posts are being made is unhelpful, unclear, and often misdirected and just flat out not accurate.

[winterline13]

Any advice on asking someone to be in a QPR?

i’ve been sitting on this one for the past few hrs bc it’s-- a lot to unpack ;w;

Advice under the Read More bc I have a lot to say ;w;’’’

Tw for a few vvv brief mentions of abuse. They’ll be pointed out about a sentence beforehand and marked at their end so you can gloss over them. Trust me you won’t miss much, just some additional but not necessary insight. :”)

Ultra first for those who don’t know, a QPR is a Queer-platonic relationship. I don’t know a whole lot, there are a lot more educated people than me, so do your own research so I don’t tell u wrong lmao. To my understanding, it’s like a strong, deep platonic commitment between two people, similar to that of marriage but usually without the lovey-dovey kissy kissy. Again, to my understanding, I could very well be wrong. 

First and foremost, treat it like you would a romantic relationship in the sense that when you ask, be prepared for the other party to say no. It may not happen, but that doesn’t deny the possibility. Just because it’s platonic doesn’t mean that it’s not a level of commitment some people just may not be ready for, or may not necessarily want.  (tw upcoming) Some may be happier in a QPR when it’s simply developed naturally over time, rather than an official label on a relationship they may feel they have to stay in. Especially true of those who may have gone through some kind of abuse, where they felt they had to stay with their abuser in any capacity because they felt they had to be in that commitment. (tw end) Speaking from my own experience, it can certainly feel like confirming something of that caliber makes one stuck, with no way out even if that’s not the case. It’s scary, and it just means that the other person either may need time or may be happier without the label even if the dedication is still there.

That said, don’t be afraid to ask. Just as there are those who may be scared to give an answer, there may be those who have been waiting for you to ask and are more than happy to say yes! Either way it goes is very case by case and won’t be the same with each QPR couple/family unit.

Secondly, be prepared for the other person to be confused, not sure what you mean. You may have to explain to them exactly what a QPR is, and what it means for you two to decide upon that label. Be prepared to have to simplify it for those who may be having difficulty understanding even if they want to, because alas sometimes large amounts of information is scary. ;w; i say, fully aware that this is, indeed, a large amount of information and is, therefore, scary

Thirdly, be prepared for the other person to be hesitant, especially when they’re already in any kind of romantic relationship. Ties back to one in the sense that they may not be ready for that commitment, and back to two in the sense that they may not understand that a platonic relationship of this caliber is different from a romantic one. They may simply just not want a label for any other reason, and may not want to label your friendship with them and simply just exist in the friendship itself. Not a bad thing by any means, it just means they may not know how to politely tell you that without making it seem like they don’t value your friendship.

3.5, if they’re already in any kind of romantic relationship, be prepared for them to react defensively if they don’t understand. They may misunderstand and think you’re trying to slide into their DMs so to speak.

3.5.5 (tw upcoming) Even if they don’t respond negatively while in a romantic relationship, they may hesitate bc of that romantic relationship. Especially those who have been through abuse and are finally with a partner who can love and care for them in the gentle way they need, they may still be processing whatever trauma came with previous abuse and may not think they can be in a QPR bc they’re in a romantic relationship. (tw end) This might be a situation where it’s best to guess and talk to the other person’s partner first, give them a heads up and answer any questions so the partner can help the other person understand. I’d honestly recommend talking with the other person’s partner(s) if they have one/any and letting them know beforehand if you know the other person has been traumatized via abuse, as answering their partner(s) questions will allow their partner(s) to consol the other person and relieve their fears safely.

Lastly, just be honest, like you would when asking someone to be in a romantic relationship with you. Let them know how much they mean to you, but don’t put any pressure on going either yes or no. If you truly want to be in a QPR or hell, any kind of friendship/relationship with them, then more than likely, even if it hurts, you’ll probably still be happy simply being friends with the person. Just because you’re not in a QPR doesn’t mean you can’t give them hugs and forehead kisses and cuddle under the stars. So while it may hurt for them to maybe not be ready to be in a QPR or maybe not want to have that label, you’ll still be able to be friends with them, see their smile when they light up talking about things they love. You’ll still be able to make them laugh, and watch goofy movies together.

I hope that helps and answers your question adequately. I speak from my own experience initiating romantic relationships and my understanding of QPRs in general. <3 

Take care, love! <3

[victory-cookies]

It’s Curtains, For Sure!

A/N: Alternatively titled “Jonas and Poet go to Walmart”. This is a) the longest one-shot I’ve ever written (for fic or ocs) and b) the first time I’ve ever written a curtain fic story. It was fun. I hope you enjoy. Also, have I ever mentioned that Poet and Jonas are in a QPR? They’re in a QPR.

--------------------------------

“Y’know, I’m pretty sure that if hell exists, it’ll just be a really big Walmart,” Jonas muttered as he and Poet walked through the entrance to the store. “It’s so loud and crowded and bright and the people, Poet, the people can be so mean!”

Poet rolled her eyes as they walked over to the shopping carts, ignoring Jonas’ exaggeratedly woeful expression. “You didn’t have to come with me, dingus. It’s my shopping week, not yours,” they said, inserting a quarter into the nearest cart and pulling it free of its brethren. 

“And leave you to endure this torture alone? I would never!”

She snorted and began to walk towards the store proper. “Chivalrous of you.” 

“I know,” he replied, hurrying after them.

Once inside, Poet pulled out a list and scanned it. “Alright, so we need, like, the general weekly food stuff, as well as baking supplies for dessert tomorrow, laundry detergent, dish gloves, Mariah wants some yarn, I need some new makeup, and Marcus wants, and I quote, ‘a new boardgame or something because Catan is boring as shit and you all know it’, which, to be fair, he is right about. Anything I forgot?” They looked back up to see Jonas lounging in the cart. 

He shrugged. “Don’t think so? If you’re getting makeup, though, I want some too.”

“Sounds good,” they said, stuffing the list back into their pocket. “Upstairs first? We can grab the yarn and a new game or two and get everything else after.”

Jonas flashed her two thumbs up. 

There was a short pause as she looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “You gonna stay there?” she asked finally.

He grinned, ignoring the uncomfortableness of the metal pressed into his back. “Gotta find some way to have fun in here.” 

They sighed and began to push the cart through the store. 

***

It was only when they arrived at the escalators that Poet realized letting Jonas stay in the cart may have been a bad idea.

“Nuh-uh. No sir. I am all for committing fun and stupid crimes, J, but I am not letting you defile my good name by getting us banned from Walmart.”

In front of them, sandwiched between the up and down escalators, was the shopping cart conveyor, currently ferrying many a customer’s groceries between the two floors. And in Jonas’ eyes, there was a sparkle of mischief that Poet was very much familiar with. 

“You are not riding the cart escalator, Jonas.”

“Oh, c’mon—”

“No, absolutely not, they will see you and they will kick us out and we will never be allowed back into the only nearby Walmart—”

“Can’t see me if I’m invisible,” he said slyly. “Besides, even if we do get banned, you can just shapeshift into someone else and bam. Back in the Walmart, though I don’t know why you’d want that.”

They squinted, looking back and forth between Jonas and the escalators and biting back a smile. 

“I’ll buy you that cream blush you want,” he sang, his eyes sparkling brightly. 

She sighed fondly. Asshole. 

“Deal.”

Jonas pumped a fist into the air and then promptly disappeared.

Poet wheeled him over to the up conveyor and pushed the cart onto it, eyeing the “CARTS ONLY” label on its flaps and the signs above them warning against leaving children in the basket. “I hope you get stuck,” they muttered as the cart began to ascend, and they got the feeling Jonas was flipping them off (though it was hard to tell, him being invisible and all). They stepped onto the up escalator and leaned against the railing as they rode it up, watching the seeming empty cart rise beside them. Eventually, they reached the second floor and she pulled the Jonas’ ride out of the cartveyor, dragging him into a nearby aisle. 

“How was it?” she asked, the cart rattling as Jonas hopped out.

“Thrilling!” he replied, dropping his invisibility and stretching. “And see? No one’ll ever know I did it! It’s a perfect crime.”

They punched him in the arm and swung the cart around. “Sure, Jan. Now shall we get ourselves some yarn?”

***

“Wait, how the fuck does yarn work?”

Jonas shrugged. He and Poet stared at the shelves of yarn in front of them, both somewhat confused by the surprisingly large, colourful selection. “My guess is as good as yours, Poe,” he said. “Did she say how many bundles to get or anything?”

Poet pursed her lips. “I didn’t think to ask. She wants red, though.”

“Alright… but neither of us have any idea how much yarn one would need for… general knitting?”

“No clue.”

There was a moment’s pause.

“Let’s just grab lots?”

“Let’s.”

Jonas stepped forward and grabbed an armful of skeins of red yarn, tossing them into the cart. He looked towards Poet, cocking an eyebrow. “Board games?”

“Board games.”

“Cool.”

Jonas took charge of the cart, leading them into what was arguably the best section of the store. They wove through aisles upon aisles of toys, shelves stacked with dolls and toy trucks and far too many brands of surprise boxes, trying to ignore the urge to meander and fuck around with any box that made a noise when you stuck your finger through the front to press demo button. They sped by the shelving unit housing the trading cards because Jonas did not need more, he really shouldn’t, he had so many already— but like one pack couldn’t hurt, right? He tossed it on top of the bed of yarn literally lining the bottom of the cart before sighing. 

“Mariah’s gonna laugh at us, isn’t she? This is so much yarn. There’s no way she needs this much yarn, right?”

Poet shrugged. “I dunno, man. She’ll be stocked up at the very least,” she replied as they came to a stop at the boardgames section. “Anyways, what game should we get?” She picked up an Apples to Apples box, flipping it to read the back.

“Isn’t that just, like, G-rated Cards Against Humanity?”

“Yeah, kinda looks like it… how about, uh—” They grabbed another box. “Trouble?”

J shook his head. “Pretty sure we already have that one.”

“Shit.” They scanned the shelves, searching for something interesting, before they froze and silently pulled a box labelled “Pandemic” down. A Look passed between them and Jonas, and they placed the game into the cart. 

“Okay, you better be glad we don’t have a pandemic going on in this universe or I swear to god…” muttered Jonas as he began to head back towards the escalators. Poet snickered and followed. 

***

The two of them rode the escalator back down to the main floor, Poet having managed to convince Jonas to stay out of the cart this time. They began to knock out some of the more boring tasks on the list, heading over to the home goods side of the store to grab the cleaning supplies they needed before entering the food area to get the main groceries. 

“Whose idea was it to let eight teenagers live together again?” Poet asked, looking at the grocery list to see they needed ten frozen pizzas. “I feel like this isn’t healthy.”

“Eh,” Jonas replied, shrugging as he opened the freezer display to grab the aforementioned pizzas. “We haven’t died of malnutrition yet.”

“Fair.” 

They continued through the store, piling the rest of the week’s food supply into the cart. When they reached the baking aisle, Poet added what could only be described as an industrial-sized bag of chocolate chips to the stash, earning a half-puzzled, half-amused look from Jonas. 

“You never know when you might need ‘em,” they said, grabbing a bag of cake flour. 

***

It was as they bagged and tied the last of the fruits on the list that Poet began to notice how quiet  Jonas had gotten. They glanced over to see him fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist and pursed their lips. “You doin’ alright there, J?” they asked.

He looked up quickly. “Oh, yeah, I just— it’s… a lot in here, y’know? It’s...” he trailed off. 

“You wanna hit the makeup section real quick and then we can blow this popsicle stand?” 

He nodded. “That would be cool.”

They quickly made their way over to the makeup section and Poet made a beeline for the display for the cream blush Jonas had promised her while he walked over to a display of eyeshadow palettes. He deliberated for a moment before grabbing a small palette of blues and purples, wincing slightly as a baby over in the next aisle began to cry loudly. He then felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Poet, holding her blush as well as a tube of mascara and multiple eyeliners of different colours. She reached around him to grab a palette for herself before smiling at him. 

“Shall we?” she asked. 

***

The cart clattered as they rolled it out of the store, packed tightly with bags full of various necessities and absolutely-non-necessities, and Jonas sighed with relief. 

“And we’re free!” he muttered. “Free from the actual, real hell.” 

Poet pursed her lips. “I’m sorry about that,” she said.

“Nah, it’s okay,” he replied. “It didn’t get too bad, all things considering. And hey—” He put his hand on top of theirs as they pushed the cart along. “I may have actually had a little fun. It’s nice spending time with you. Also, you did help me ride the cart escalator, which slapped.”

“Oh, shush, you sappy bastard,” they laughed, grinning and turning away from him. “You’re still paying for that blush, y’know.”

“Of course,” he said, amused. He smiled, bumping into their shoulder. “Love you.”

“Love you too, idiot.” 

[ayy-spec]

Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

·  to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me  (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

·  :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

·  i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way. 

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.

[ober-affen-geil]

I don't know how to say it, but I lost track with all these gender issues and many categories of sexual orientation. I'm afraid to say something wrong to a person. but I also don't know where I fit in. maybe I'm too old to understand all this...

Thanks for reaching out anon. <3

I’m gonna let you in on a secret: no one can keep up with it. It is not possible to keep abreast of all the changes in the queer community and the politics of Why We Don’t Say That Anymore; no one should be held to that standard of perfection. There is no such thing as a perfectly non-problematic person. You CANNOT be perfect.

What you CAN be is respectful and willing to change. The best thing you can do is apply what you do know in relevant situations and if someone corrects you, listen, apologize, accept, and move on. You do not have to understand something to accept it. If it’s a situation where it’s someone close to you, you might want to put in a little research about it. Maybe even talk to them about it if they are amenable. But if it’s a passing interaction, all you really need to do is respect that individual as their own person for however long you are around them. Recognize that there are things you will need to work on and put in that effort, but also recognize that there are things that you may never understand and that’s ok!

Another secret: I struggle with remembering to use “they/them” pronouns for individuals. I know that I still use transphobic language without thinking and I fall back on the idea of a gender binary far more than I would like to. And I, as an agender person, fall under the trans umbrella! I am not immune! These are things I know I can work on with myself and when I slip up (not if, when), I correct the mistake, apologize if necessary, and move on. It’s a process, because it’s not an easy thing to remove decades of societal conditioning. It won’t happen overnight, but I am aware of it and I’m trying. 

I also fail to understand Queer Platonic Relationships. I don’t get them; I can’t really wrap my head around them as different from close friendships or dedicated romantic relationships. (This may partially be because I am aromantic and can’t really differentiate between a dedicated romantic relationship and a close friendship in the first place, idk. Yet again though, irony abounds.) But while I don’t understand QPRs, I do accept that they are important to people who use them. And that’s really all I need to do, I get that to someone in a QPR there is a difference and I respect that for that person. I also keep my mouth shut about them otherwise, because it costs me absolutely nothing to keep an opinion to myself that will hurt people for no good reason. It doesn’t matter that I don’t get it, that’s on me. All I need to do is recognize that for some people, it’s a thing. That’s it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, go easy on yourself. It’s ok.

So far as understand where you fit in, I can’t really offer advice on that for you personally. I can say I think it’s a good idea for everyone to do a little gender/sexuality self examination at least once, but ultimately labels are a little overrated in my opinion. If you’re comfortable with yourself and your partner(s) understand and respect you and any boundaries you may have, that’s really all that matters.

Hope this helps anon. <3

[corelliaxdreaming]

pride month questionnaire!! 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 24, 26, 28, 29, and 30

1. what is your sexuality? Asexual, specifically gray ace 2. what do you identify as? Aroace/gray aroace 4. do you have any preferences? You said I could say preferences on literally anything, but I’m gonna do something pride-realted. So, aspec headcanons! I’ve noticed that I tend to more often write Tycho and arospec and Wedge as acespec, though I’m totally open to either being either/both. 5. share a positive memory about coming out! Gotta be when I finally wrote out a long email explaining everything and sent it to my grandma, and when we talked after, she told me she’d discussed it with my grandpa and he said “not everybody feels that sort of thing.” So just, shocking grandpa coming in with the understanding!! 6. how do you feel about pride month? I’m having kind of a hard time with it currently becuase there’s so much going on in the world, but I think it’s great overall, and I look forward to celebrating many more. 7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events? I guess not a lot? I’ve been to an ace group a couple of times, but that’s about it. I definitely want to do actual pride events in the future, y’know, when everything isn’t cancelled. 8. how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media? There needs to be more of them! Especially more aspec stuff, especially more aro stuff. And please please textual qprs! 9. do you feel pride in who you are? Pride is still a bit hard, but I think I’m pretty well along the road of acceptance, at least. :) 10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? @aphorisnt @aphorisnt @aphorisnt best queer mentor!!! It was her asking me “do you think you might be on the asexual spectrum?” that got the ball rolling for me at all. 12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtqa teens? Something like don’t feel pressured to fit into a certain group. You don’t have to be straight or cis or allo just because it seems like “everyone” else is. There are people out there like you, and though the journey may be hard, you will find happiness and acceptance. 13. have you come out to friends and family? I’m out to my closest friends and family, so a handful of people. All the ones who really matter to me. 14. how do you feel about the term “coming out”? I don’t mind it. 16. any tips on coming out? If I could advise my past self, I’d say don’t put it off because you’re afraid of how it might go. I was lucky enough that it went very well, and I spend a lot of extra time agonizing over it that I didn’t need to. 17. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtqa characterization in media? Aromantic people basically not existing. Ace people not existing outside of books. 18. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtqa characterization in media? When actual identity words are used (asexual, aromantic, bi, pan, etc). I respect that some real people prefer not to use labels, but especially in the case of asepc identities, a lot of readers/viewers aren’t going to know that’s what’s going on unless it’s spelled out. And it makes it impossible for bigots to insist it isn’t there to begin with. 24. how do you feel about the term “queer”? I like it and freely use it for myself. 26. favorite lgbtqa actor/actress? Can I say IDK about actors and replace it with every aspec author to ever write an own voices book? 28. what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? Dear jesus. I mentioned aromanticism to a coworker today (at the time in the context of a character rather than myself) and got both “is that like objectophilia?” and “is it because they love themselves too much?” *massive eyeroll* 29. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/idenity? I don’t mind them all as long as they’re respectful and well-intentioned. 30. what is your romantic affiliation? I’ve been assuming heteroromantic (and heterosexual), but the longer I identify as aspec, the more I wonder if I’m really just not attracted to anyone at all of any gender.