#or just talking to people in qprs

[sprnklersplashes]

The reason a lot of us "can't handle" qpr is because it's hard to understand how it's different than a deep friendship. We don't understand why we can't just normalize close friends living together and being physically affectionate without labeling it something else. The reason sexual and romantic partners have different words from friends is because of the kinds of feelings involved are generally different. qpr aren't different than friendship, it's just a label some people use for stronger and closer friends. I guess it just feels to me like it downplays the importance of friendships and puts up a wall instead of normalizing allowing friendship to include those things.

"queerplatonic" refers to a relationship that blurs the line between romantic and platonic, not necessarily 'stronger than a friendship'. while queerplatonic partners can mean "platonic life partner" for some people, for others it is a genuine blurring of boundaries because their feelings do not separate evenly into the binary of romantic/platonic. in angela chen's book ACE, one of her interviewees says they genuinely have the same feelings for their QPP as they do their husband. unless you are in a qpr or know very deeply and intimately someone who is in one, you cannot say it's different from a friendship.

to quote from the same book, QPPs are often less about specific feelings or intensity of such and more about "action and attitude... an explicit commitment to the partner and to the bond". I, and everyone who is in, wants or supports QPPs, agree that we should normalise friends living together and being close. we also need changes on a more structural level; not just normalising but actively accepting people who have never been romantically involved raising a child, couples therapists to work with friends/QPPs, the living with friends not being accepted only as a "last resort" because they are both single. queerplatonic relationships were born in response to amanormativity to normalise being in a lifelong commitment to someone who is not a romantic partner, not as a way of accommodating it. they exist to destabilise the idea that romantic relationships are the most important and the only ones worth committing to.

once again quoting angela chen "qpps take a type of relationship that is usually taken lightly (friendship) and decide it is important enough to merit unusual and potentially awkward conversations".

[serapheseraphim]

People really need to stop talking about aromantic people in such a way to suggest we need to, like, make up for our lack of romantic attraction? This ties into the whole "aromantic people can still date" and "aromantic people can have qprs" and "aromantic people still feel strong platonic love" pattern I keep seeing where it's as if people are trying to say "don't worry, they can still be mostly normal" and it is so frustrating to me as a non-partnering aromantic person and is likely even worse for aplatonic and loveless aros.

[altschmerzes]

i just. really wish people would realize it's possible to reblog a post about platonic relationships and expressing an appreciation for them or defending their legitimacy and capacity for depth and complexity and intimacy etc without feeling the need to talk in the tags about how much they love romance also or how much they also think 'a secret third thing' is great. like. you don't need to do that. in fact, please DON'T do that.

[spyres]

apparently the confessions blog is posting dumb takes we have to put it down now

[sirlancenotalot]

the fact that people still use the "no one would talk to a friend that way" "no one would grieve for someone like that if it was just platonic" etc arguments to prove a ship is canon is so annoying to me. yes i get it, we got queerbaited hard but where does it say that romance has to be higher than a friendship or no one said friends couldn't also be lovers or vice versa....? i normally say "popular media tropes that usually are for romance" when i talk about fiction but pulling a blanket statement like "NO ONE talks to a friend that way" is so invalidating to so much of our queer experiences. the beauty of queer friendship literally lies in the emotional fulfilment we get from our friends in a way that i don't normally see in cishet friendships for whatever reasons. so idk it's just been bothering me to see these kinds of posts every now and then. "you wouldn't do [x] for your friends" i would actually. i would sell my soul for them. i would kill for them and kill myself for them. i would do anything for my friends that i would do for a partner. the "proof" for a ship doesn't have to be by invalidating their friendship. also like aren't most of the ships so powerful when they're also each other's closest friends? do y'all not think of your partners as your best friends?

[nams2]

Talking to other partnering aros: Yeah so I've been reading original fics on AO3 to try and find some good queerplatonic stuff. Theres a steady stream if you filter by the queerplatonic tag which is nice. The problem is that most of it's either too short for me or just underdeveloped background characters but its something. Yeah it sucks to settle for that but you know how dire it is finding rep.

Talking about being aro to allos: No Im aroace. That means aromantic and asexual. They're different things. It- no asexual means a lack of sexual attraction. They can be different.

[knifearo]

yeah man. reminder that an aspec person doing something can never be invalidating to aspecs in general. a person's individual actions are not reflective on the entire community and our job is to remember that we can all do whatever the fuck we want forever ‼️ the people who are leveraging us against each other are NOT our friends and should not be listened to. in fact i advocate putting them in the oubliette

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

falling in love slowly >>>>

[contagious-watermelon]

i think a lot of lgbt people just have internalized homophobia/transphobia/etc. so many trans people think we're all still forever our birth sex, that being stealth is lying, that "cis man" refers to a different gender than "trans man." so many aro people treat qprs like they're a replacement for romance so they can slot themselves back into societal acceptance. bi women downplaying their attraction to men so they don't get called "spicy straight" girls or whatever term we're on now

[sanguinewolves]

im gonna actually kill everyone

[nylongenesis]

Im just rambling my heart out rn bc im like this but listen hear me out. I think Tim is aromantic. hot take I know but as an aro person maybe its just me but I see a lot of myself in his flirty chatter and playful gestures. In my head he does it as affection, as a way to stretch his wings and engage in a bit of fun banter, and of course, to get what he needs. I inherently see his tendency to draw the eye of people in order to obtain information as a gesture rather detached from the inherent concept of romanticism. it displays a nature in which one understands romance and appeal on a surface level, but does not feel it themselves. I think he likes traditionally romantic stuff. He calls himself a hopeless romantic. He kisses his friends on the cheeks and he treats Sasha as a lover would treat their spouse but they are not dating and both of them know this. He spends passionate nights with people and leaves feeling satisfied. But if you confessed romantic interest in him he would give you a horrifically awkward, apologetic look and let you down easy. I think he was devastated by the realization in his youth. I think beneath all his affection and smiles and toying remarks he knows he will never truly be able to have the romantic relationship he always dreamed of having, because what he desires simply does not exist. I think he indulges in the little things- passing glances, playful flirts, romantic comedies, nights on the town, to taste what he cannot have- and even moreso, to enjoy what he *can* have. To enjoy the fact he can do so comfortably, openly, without concern for what it may look like or if it's really romantic or not. Perhaps he has grown to be happy with the way he lives. Perhaps he is content to be in his lovely queerplatonic relationship. Perhaps he distantly wishes he could be a better partner because he knows he will never meet the standard. I think he loves so strongly, so powerfully, that it simply is not something that could fall into romance. It just isn't. But he loves all the same. He loves so passionately, like a fire, but it is not romance. it is simply love. Tl;dr personal hc is that tim is romance-positive aro (unless it comes to romance aimed at him) and is bisexual. Bc we need more alloaro rep. and more romance-positive aro rep. And i see myself in him.

[vroomian]

wow, bad timing there haha. would vocx have reconsidered his marriage if al got the words out first or?

honestly -- Probably not? By this point, Vocx and Angel have been a thing for years. Vocx wouldn't do that to angel.

But there would be some discussions that's for damn sure.

(Three way marriages aren't really a thing, but you know. It's hell. Who's gonna stop them, the church?)

[wayfinderships]

I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o

[astriiformes]

Surprising no one, I am so pleased that the TOH finale kept Willow and Hunter's relationship in ambiguous "important to each other" territory in a way still feels more-than-plausibly qpr-shaped to me. I had thought things were heading that direction, but enough other things have surprised me in the past that I wasn't totally sure.

Obviously I favor that interpretation for my own reasons, but it's also just so nice for a show to feel comfortable enough in its character relationships to dodge the "pair the spares" mentality that has put me off more than a few pieces of media I genuinely liked in the past after their finales. I love seeing their particular closeness -- which the show clearly wants to tell a story about! -- communicated through ways of showing affection that feel extremely familiar to me as someone in a queerplatonic relationship, too (the intense squeezing side-hugs, for one, are very common in our household, as my ribs can attest...).

Also, Scribe pointed out that in the very last shot Willow has her arms around both Hunter and Gus which is so perfect. She's got her boys! I love that!

[bandtrees]

iv been doing a lot of ddadds reminiscing lately. that game is very very close to my heart and has been for years - it's kind of surreal to return to the fancontent i made for it having grown a bit, and seeing precisely why i latched onto mary as a character as much as i did. (hmm, the guy who'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and was also an unknowing aroace latched onto the character with relationship troubles and conflicts about presenting as someone in love, who would've thought?) (also she's autistic) (i'll still fight people on this)

mary still continues to be one of my favorite characters of all time - and i still have dream daddy to thank for a lot. it's just such a genuinely warm and sweet and funny game. it's got such a kind and lackadaisical approach to adulthood that spoke to and continues to speak to me a lot as someone kind of terrified of growing up, in a lot of ways. and despite being such a silly game, joseph's ideals of the "margarita zone" spoke to me way more than i care to admit.

i wonder if the people i'd shared ddadds servers with and the like, way back in 2019, are doing well. i wonder if the old friend i did that batshit insane mary-damien cult ending rp with that read like a damn slasher film remembers it at all. i hope the people i talked about my ocs with are doing well. i hope the mary rper i lurked on the blog of is doing well. i hope the person who made the official character spotify playlist knows how much they shaped my music taste and how much i listen to them to this day. i hope the developers of this game know it's more than a silly gimmick dating sim that was popular for a year to people. (i hope they know how much damn gender euphoria it gives me lol)

i'm a huge sap with my fandoms in general. but dream daddy's such a spot of comfort for me even now. i still think about it, and maybe one day i'll properly revisit it. and i know i'm going to be so insufferable about it when i do. my own special little margarita zone.

[nousernameyet0101]

I need to see more poly relationship representation.

In fact I NEED more queer relationships in media in general

Not only poly, but QPR (queer platonic relationships) too.

There's something about how the love you feel towards a person (or a more of one) that even though society or other people don't quite understand, hell, even you and your partner(s) don't. But that. That thing you guys have ... It Just feels right. It makes you and them the most happy people ever, and it doesn't matter if people understand or not, what others people think. it is just that.