#i guess my past self has given me a to do list???

[bluefire-axolotl]

This has been in my reminders for years I have no idea what it means but take my ancient words of wisdom I guess

[jenneyquinn]

𝐢 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

in which the pine tree and llama are the epitome of soulmates (continued) w/c: 10.6k words *not proofread* (actually 2 words shy of 10.6k, but hey, who's counting? masterpost

once winter had its fun, spring rolls around, and so does that one day that everyone either looks forward to or is dreading with past trauma.

for mabel and dipper, they are one of both outcomes; respectively.

it was so uncharacteristic of mabel to not be excited over a holiday that spreads so much joy and love—regardless if it's platonic, familial, or romantic. as for dipper, he was never really much for luck in that department (love, that is), though not as sociable, let alone well known as his sister, he is very much content with being alone for the most part—especially knowing, deep down, he is grateful to have a family who loves him.

however, dipper felt that this year would be different. he didn't know why, couldn't put a finger on it, but he noticed that something would be stand out amongst the other years as the boy realizes that is isn't as disgusted with valentine's day as he commonly was before.

"duh—it's obvious why you're thinking about that, bro-bro."

"huh? oh, it's because we're technically teenagers and we're at that embarrassing phase in our life where romantic pursuits are more irrational and desperate to compensate for our lack of self-confidence?"

mabel rolls her eyes before answering.

"no, it's because you have a cru~sh! and you just can't wait to call her on valentine's day~"

"what?! that's—"

"don't worry, because being the matchmaker that i am, with the resume of skilled expertise, i can proudly say that i—mabel pines—will get you the valentine's date of your dreams!"

"but—"

"you can't say no, it's already happening."

"no."

"ALREADY HAPPENING!'

given it was already the first of february, it was going to take mabel less than two weeks to pull this off; presuming that she could, that is.

so, on that wednesday night, dipper lies awake at night, thinking about that special someone, despite fighting his feelings for so long. he doesn't want to admit it out loud, but dipper knew, subconsciously, that his sister indeed saw through him, and he is crushing on someone; bad and hard.

the first time dipper had ever lied awake at night, it was about wendy corduroy, the girl he ever seriously crushed on. though, as time passed after his confession, he stopped thinking about her that way. it look him time, fighting all those thoughts during the day while they continued their friendship, and many nights as she remained in his dreams; if he wasn't dreaming about his parents, that is.

however, when dipper lies awake this night, he isn't thinking about wendy. not at all. on the contrary, he's up all night, thinking of another girl—one he knew was perhaps just as (if not more unattainable) than wendy.

eventually, the guy gets some sleep, and mabel has already come up with a whole list of ideas to help her brother in his otherwise, lack of romantic expertise.

however, dipper fights mabel every step of the way, insisting that he has a plan of his own. though he is grateful for the support, the kid genuinely had a clear idea of how he wanted valentine's day to go, and as long as he's got his confidence—dipper is sure he'll have his first good valentine's day yet.

finally, when the big day comes, mabel's nothing short of estatic.

"oh my god, what are you gonna wear? please tell me you're going to wear something good?? what are you planning to do for your date??? it better be something fun! you don't wanna make a bad first impression by doing something lame—in that case, i have to make sure you avoid anything remotely boring!!"

dipper simply blinks, getting everything but also none of the words that just left mabel's mouth right now.

"uh… i guess i'm just going to wear what i usually wear. i mean, i didn't plan to go anywhere fancy anyways. saves time and energy for later, right? i even put together this nice gift and everything…"

"aww, dipper~" mabel coos, clasping her hands together at the last part of her brother's reply, "whatcha get her? actually nevermind, you can tell me later. i'm sure she'll love it anyways!"

then, she takes a quick look up and down at her brother, inspecting his outfit before continuing: "are you really going to wear… that?"

"what's wrong with what i'm wearing? i wear this every day!"

"i know, it's not bad, but that's the point—" mabel pinches the bridge of her nose with impatience, taking dipper by the hand, "look, we still got a couple hours before you're going. surely, there must be something presentable in that closet of yours… that's hopefully been washed."

so, thanks to mabel, dipper was able together a simple, but clean outfit for his first valentine's date: a marine-blue unbuttoned oxford shirt with a cream-white tee underneath, paired with a casual pair of black jeans and his shoes; completely gaining the latter's approval.

"now go on, enjoy your video-chat date with pacifica~"

"w-wait!" dipper exclaims. "how did you know—"

"oh, would you look at the time? candy and grenda must be waiting for me to join their call bye~"

"mabel!"

"look, i apologized, didn't i? i've been trying to be nothing but a do-gooder; no more evil business for me. even gideon is trying to give me a chance. so, sunshine, what is your deal?"

growing impatient with pacifica's rejections, dipper finally corners her at the ballroom of gleeful mansion—speaking in a hushed tone as to not draw any attention from anyone else.

the former, on the other hand, narrows her eyes; frowning deeply.

"you wanna know why i haven't forgiven you, gleeful? i was the first person to trust you, and what did you do with that?? you toyed with my feelings, deceived me—all for your personal gain?! how dare you think my feelings can't be justified when you suddenly decide to turn things around!"

dipper was baffled, to say the least. so, pacifica continues talking.

"what if will decides to return to you guys? what then?? is it the end of you and your family's redemption arc???" she asks, her facial features now beginning to soften as her eyes start to water and her nose going red as she sniffles.

"i don't want you to hurt me again. i'm not going to let you hurt me again."

as pacifica begins to run off, dipper instantly goes after her.

"pacifica, wait!"

then, out of the blue, the blonde is halted in her tracks. a ray of blue flames stike her, thereafter transforming pacifica from her authentic human state to a wooden statue of her likeness.

dipper gasps, reaching out to her: "pacifica!"

"gideon!"

mabel cries, redirecting her brother's attention to the now-wooden gideon pines; taking the mage aback even further.

suddenly, the gleeful twins hear a bellowing laughter, the source of them coming around the fireplace. a grandfather clock tolls, as the duo take sight of the ghost staring at the gleeful family portrait.

"a forest of death, a lesson learned, now the gleeful manor will burn!"

as the ghost of nathaniel southeast continues laughing, setting the family portrait aflame, mabel calls out to the entity.

"hey ugly! over here!"

the ghost seizes his laughs, spotting the gleeful twins.

"you want us to let in the townsfolk?" dipper asks, "'cause we'll do it! just change everyone back!"

nathaniel scoffs, "you wish to prove yourself? pull that lever and open the grand gate to the town! fulfill your ancestors' promise!"

pointing to the lever which opens the main gates, dipper looks from the lever to the wooden pacifica. then, for a moment, her voice rings in his head.

"i was the first person to trust you, and what did you do? you toyed with my feelings, you deceived me—all for your personal gain!"

you deceived me.

"she's right," dipper admits to himself.

"huh? who's right??" mabel asks, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"mabel, our family has been nothing but liars and cheats. how about we do something right for a change?"

without saying anything further, mabel simply gives dipper a nod in the affirmative; grabbing onto the lever with him.

the twins share a look, then look back at the ghost as they pull down the lever together.

nathaniel gasps as the main gates which once divided gleeful mansion and the commonfolk of the town swing open. as the townsfolk swarm into the manor in waves, the ghost is finally appeased.

"YES, YES, IT'S HAPPENING!" the entity rejoices, "MY HEART, ONCE AS HARD AS OAK, now grows soft, like a birch or something."

as the gleeful twins look up at the ghost with satisfaction, the latter looks back down on them, equally satiated.

"dipper, mabel, you two aren't like the other gleefuls." nathaniel says as his spirit begins to ascend, "i feel… lumber… justice…"

with that, everything in the mansion returned how they used to be: the portrait showed no signs it being previously engulfed in flames, all the resurrected animals were back in their deceased state, and most importantly, all the people originally in attendance had been free from their wooden prisons.

even pacifica, who takes a breath of fresh air as soon as she's freed.

"pacifica!"

dipper runs to pacifica, visibly worried as he pulls her close to him in a tight, protective embrace.

"dipper?"

"you're… you're actually safe…" he exasperates, pulling back to look at her, "look, you were right. i was being selfish and i did mess with you just to get what i wanted, but i didn't fully realize how much i've hurt you until now…"

"dipper…"

"when you were encased in wood, i… i thought that i lost you. i… i… don't want to see you like that again. i don't ever want to make you sad again."

before he could even notice, a single hot tear runs down dipper's cheek, still holding his gaze at pacifica.

"i… i know it's too late for you to trust me… and i clearly don't deserve your forgiveness… but i do wanna try. i want to be a better person."

while pacifica listens to dipper's impassioned confession, she couldn't help but to focus onto the tear that runs down his face. then she looks back into his eyes—which she finally took in for the first time. though it was a glowing blue when they first met, she noticed how the loss of the amulet and will's emancipation from the gleefuls had effected dipper's eyes from the absence of power.

they were brown. it was nothing special, but it was like pacifica was actually seeing him for the first time. if she thought there was good in him before, it finally shown in his eyes now.

so, pacifica does the only sensible thing she could think of.

"oof!"

holding onto him tightly, pacifica buries her face into dipper's shoulder; trying not to cry.

"thanks, dipper. i… i forgive you."

"wait! where are you all going?! we're supposed to look for dipper pines, remember?!"

when pacifica sees all the government vehicles backing up and driving away from the mystery shack, she's enraged. after all this time, she finally thought that she would be getting him back—but why were the government guys leaving?!

"ahh!" pacifica yelps in shock as a pig runs past her, chomping on a drive labelled 'PINES'.

so, she looks up to the source of where the pig came from, back to the mystery shack, and simple to say the least—she could have never expected what, or rather who, would be standing before her eyes.

"great-uncle mason, that was amazing!"

pacifica's eyes widen at stan's words, as he approaches the aforementioned man with his brother. but whatever happened to—

"let's not go crazy; it was serviceable."

well, speak of the devil, the blonde thinks as the con-artist walks into the scene with the shack's handywoman, lita. welp, time to get over there and give that lady a piece of my—

yet, the man's chuckles cut off pacifica's thoughts: "thank you kids, but please, call me dipper."

dipper?!

"dipper..."

his eyes crack open the slightest bit before shutting again.

"dipper..."

he hears the voice once more, but the weight of his eyelids win another time, drawing him back to unconsciousness.

"wake up, dipper!"

he shoots up, fully awake at the sound of mabel's shouts.

"gah! mabel!" dipper frowns, turning to the digital clock atop his bedside table before shooting her a look. "this better be worth waking me up at seven in the morning for—you know it's apring break, right?"

"exactly—it's spring break, bro-bro. the first day of spring break."

mabel points to the calendar hung on dipper's bedroom wall; specifically on a date that reads 'pacifica visits'.

"yeah, yeah, pacifica's visiting." dipper mumbles, tucking himself back to bed and pulling his covers back up.

it takes him a second to realize the words that just left his mouth, then he really wakes up.

"pacifica's visiting!"

he throws his blanket aside, bolting right up from his bed, scanning his room left and right.

"oh my god, my room! i need to- i gotta-"

"stop hyperventilating, dippingsauce," mabel says, amused at her brother's behaviour, "that's why we're up early. we've got six hours before pacifica, candy, and grenda's bus arrvies at the stop. so, as your personal matchmaker, i'm here to make sure your room's spotless—as well as you. i'll never forgive myself if i let you talk to your girlfriend without taking a shower first."

"a shower? i'm fine, mabel," he rebutes, lifting up his arm to take a sniff from his pits, which he immediately comes to regret, "besides, pacifica's not my girlfriend."

"not if you don't take a shower, she won't." she jokes, poking him. "blop!"

so, after taking a shower while his sister gives him a head start on spring cleaning, dipper rushes to get ready and look decent for his crush special friend.

unbeknownst to the twins, three visitors had already made their way to the pines residence.

"ah, pacifica! so nice to see you again, sweetie." mrs. pines greets, giving the girl a welcoming hug.

"and i believe you two must be candy and grenda," mr. pines points out, also giving a warm welcome to the two girls, "of course, mabel's friends are always welcome here."

"as well as dipper's friends." mrs. pines winks, playfully nudging the blonde's arm; causing the latter to blush.

candy and grenda also giggle, making pacifica more flustered.

"but seriously, our kids have told many stories about you three," mr. pines says, gesturing them inside as he picks up the girls' bags, "pacifica and mabel's golf tournament, grenda's prince boyfriend in austria, and even candy's little crush on dipper."

"oh!" pacifica says, then she leans towards candy, continuing in a teasing tone. "well, i didn't know about this."

another day of weirdmaggedon dawns upon gravity falls, not that dipper gleeful minds. in fact, it's just like another regular day for him: he gets up from bed, changes out of his pajamas and into his turquoise suit, and walks out into the town.

just as he promised, he makes his way to the giant floating bubble in the sky—the pink one that's branded with an illustration of a llama.

good morning, sunshine, dipper greets pacifica in thought, looking up at the bubble; eyes half-lidded and smiling gleefully.

pulling out the key from his vest pocket, dipper unlocks the bubble and enters the spherical-shaped prison.

"ah! dipper, you came back!" the blonde cheers, donning an off-the-shoulder, spaghetti-strapped turquoise dress and her hair done up in a simple, but cute messy bun.

"sunshine, looking as radiant as ever," dipper replies, "as if i should've expected any different."

he takes her by the hand, pulling her close to him. swinging her along the floor, which has shifted from a bedroom to a ballroom setting, dipper looks into pacifica's eyes with adoration, feeling complete bliss.

"hey, dippington? can i tell you something?" she asks softly.

"anything, sunshine," he answers without hesitation, "shoot."

"i'm so happy here." pacifica confesses, smiling brightly. "being here, in my dreamland, with you... it's like everything i could ever want. i don't ever want to leave... i just want to be happy here, with you, forever..."

dipper returns her smile, looking down at her as she rests her head against his shoulder.

"i'm happy to be here with you too, pacifica," he admits wholeheartedly, "i don't think i'd want to be anywhere else, too."

so, the pair slow-dances in silence, letting the soft melody of the ballroom music fill the space instead.

ever since dipper's return, pacifica had intended to catch up with her old friend, but she knew that he already had a lot of catching up to do with his own family.

at least she had her own family to tend to, as well as her own career as gravity falls' top realtor, making her way to becoming the ceo of northwest realty from the past twenty years.

although she hated to admit it, pacifica kind of wished she was able to bond with her grandson preston as easily as dipper's twin sister and their two great nephews.

so, while preston is out on a date with his girlfriend priscilla, pacifica is left to her own devices as she finishes up paperwork for her recent client.

that is... until she hears the ever so familiar ring of the doorbell.

"heh... h-hey, paz," dipper greets; in his own, typical, awkward way, "l-long time, no see, huh?"

pacifica blinks once... then twice... three times, even.

"uh... pacifica?" he waves over her face; worry rising in his voice. "are you alright—"

dipper gets cut off abruptly was pacifica leaps toward him; wrapping her arms over his shoulders and enveloping him into a crushing embrace.

"dummy... don't leave me ever again."

"wait, what?!"

dipper stands in his now-clean bedroom proudly, his hands to his sides.

"you heard me: by the end of spring break, pacifica northwest will be my girlfriend."

mabel clasps her hands over her mouth, trying her best from squealing.

"oh my god, dipper! that's amazing!" she cheers, but then her face blanks—as if she's seen a ghost. "oh no."

"huh? what 'oh-no'? i don't like that 'oh-no'."

"look, it's great that you want to ask pacifica to be your girlfriend and all but.. how do i put this... when it comes to girls... sometimes, you tend to get in your own way."

"mabel, i promise," dipper says, placing a hand to his chest while raising the other, "no lists involved. maybe a plan to reference to from time to time, but no multi-phase lists i need to be following closely."

"okay..." she says hesitantly, narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips, "so... what's the plan then?"

"well..." he starts, rubbing his hands together.

"first, i figured there would be no harm in taking everyone mini-golfing. i can't impress her, but at least it's something she likes to do. pacifica will have a good time, so it'll definitely get things running in the right direction."

"um... mini golf?" pacifica asks, a bit weary.

"i guarantee you, there's no lilliputtians involved."

looking at him quizzically at first, she chuckles right after.

"okay, nerd. i've been looking forward to having a rematch with mabel anyways. she owes me a fair game, anyways."

"next, we'll go to the mall—it's full of stuff that pacifica likes, right? fashion and deep-fried foods!"

"here you go," dipper says, plopping down a tray of food onto the table before pacifica, "an order of french fries with a vanilla milkshake, just like the lady ordered."

he mimics a bow, gesturing to the fast-food before taking his seat: "just like home, huh? um... you still have a butler, right?"

the blonde giggles, nodding as she picks up a single fry and dipping it into the shake.

"only the one, though. we had to let go of a lot of staff after... you know."

"oh yeah..." he says, remembering the previous video-calls they've had, "it seems you've been adjusting well, though. oh yeah—how's greasy's? lazy suzan able to hold fort without you?"

"definitely. i miss her, though." she answers, twirling her straw. "between you and me, it's nice working at the diner. lazy suzan is more like a parent to me than my actual parents, and it keeps me distracted from thinking about home..."

looking up from the tray, pacifica looks at dipper with a gentle smile: "at least things in your home is better, right? i'm totally jealous of your parents."

"i guess you could say that..."

but it wasn't better. things at the pines' residence wasn't getting better at all. though there was still some sort of harmony in the household, it doesn't mean that his parents weren't still fighting almost every night.

but this didn't mean that things wouldn't be different with pacifica. sure, dipper's parents have been together for over almost two decades, and their marriage has still been on the verge of collapse even after their children had come back from their summer vacation in gravity falls, but it didn't mean—

oh, who was he kidding.

"hey, hello~" his friend snaps her fingers in front of his face, "anyone in there? you've been zoning out, wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

"um... heh, heh! you know what? how about we hit the arcade?? lost my appetite, anyways."

before she could have any input, dipper already grabs pacifica's hand, running down and out of the food court.

"there was also the arcade... but i don't know how she'd take it, but hopefully she'll come to like it. i mean—pacifica loves winning, right?"

"gleeful!"

"hm?" dipper gives a hum as he opens his eyes, peering up. somebody from the outside is calling.

"hey, sunshine, i gotta take care of something real quick." he explains, pulling away, his hands still on hers. "stay put, alright?"

she nods, still smiling: "okay, just... be careful, dip."

"you know i will." the brunette winks, causing his prisoner princess to giggle.

then, he finally departs, exiting the bubble.

"what the heck, dipper?!" gideon exclaimed. "i thought you turned a new leaf?! you said you were going to change!"

"oh, if it isn't lil' gideon—"

"don't call me that!" the small boy snaps back.

"never mind that! i'll have you know that i did, in fact, change," dipper continues, "i promised my sunshine, pacifica, that i wasn't going to hurt her, and i intend to keep that promise."

he then points to the bubble, wrapped in chains: "in that bubble, pacifica won't be hurt. never again. i was willing to let bygones be bygones, but she told me what you've done—and if you think i'm letting you in there, think again!"

"you can't do that, dipper!" robbie shouts. "you think you're protecting pacifica, but you're only imprisoning her!"

"valentino." dipper grimaces, his eyes narrowing and a threatening glint twinkles in his brown eyes. "you can't be any more wrong—pacifica told me herself! i am her protector! thanks to will, he granted me the power to create a dream world for her. in this world, i can shield her from anyone and everyone who can hurt her! even you!"

"but, dipper..." gideon speaks, his voice softens as he tries to empathize with the brunette, "do you really think this is the right way to protect pacifica? just because she's in that bubble, doesn't mean she'll be safe forever. eventually, one way or another, you'll hurt her too. so, when that happens—where will she go? who will protect her, then??"

dipper's cold expression slightly cracks, allowing his former enemy to reach out to him.

"we know you care for pacifica, we all do, too," the white-haired boy gestures between himself, robbie, and melody, "but we're still human. we make mistakes, and eventually, we will hurt each other—whether we mean to or not."

pulling out the slip of paper from the front pocket of his pants, dipper unfolds the paper to look back at the cut-out newspaper article; staring into the old picture of himself and pacifica.

she gave me another chance... even when i didn't deserve it.

"do the right thing, dipper. if you want to be pacifica's hero, please let us rescue her. please let us make it up to her."

"so, let me get this straight..." pacifica speaks, pinching the bridge of her nose in a mix of concentration and confusion, "this whole time, you had a twin sister? but you didn't tell me about her because of she wronged you about thirty years ago?? and then ten years later—she accidentally gets you sucked into this portal that you made??? so you've been stuck in there for the past twenty years until she reactivated said portal—in which she fixed, for the sole purpose to bring you back????"

dipper simply stares at pacifica, still struck by her beauty after all these years. yet, when he realizes a tad late that she had stopped speaking, he shakes his head; getting a hold of himself.

"y-yes. that's exactly what happened."

the blonde blinks once. then twice. then takes a long sip from her coffee; setting it down before slamming the empty mug onto the table.

"you never told me you had a twin sister!"

"well, i didn't think it was relevant..." he mumbles, annoyed.

"of course it's flippin' relevant!" she spats, "whatever mabel did to you in the past, she's still your family! i thought i knew everything about you, but you've been still hiding stuff from me!"

dipper sighs, looking at his old friend with a guilt-ridden expression.

"you're right, paz. i should've been more open with you, instead of being all mysterious and keeping stuff from you. i'm really sorry that i scared you and kept you in the dark all this time."

"ah, forget about it," she waves off, no longer upset. "you're lucky that i'm too old to be fussing over small things. besides, i guess i should be used to it by now, right? you never really trusted me, anyways."

"but i do trust you, pacifica," he says, placing a hand over hers, "i was just being an idiot, thinking that i was protecting you by not letting you into my world, but that's not fair. not when you've trusted me with your secrets. i truly am sorry, paz."

as pacifica looks down at his hand on hers, she looks back up to him; her diamond-blue eyes meeting his doe-brown ones. a twinge of pink spreads throughout her cheeks, letting her old feelings for the awkward man resurface; if only for a small moment.

for the first time in twenty years, her guard is let down again, baffled and stammering by the same guy who caught her heart two decades ago.

"it's alright, dipper." pacifica replies, the smallest hint of a smile graces her face.

"you're here now."

"SUGGESICA WIN!"

"ha, yeah!" pacifica cheers, pumping a fist up in victory, "in your face!"

though dipper wasn't happy at first that he was once again bested by her, he did have to admit—pacifica looks pretty cute when she gloats over a win. it's rare to see her geek out over an arcade game, after all.

"so, what was that again? didn't you say arcades were for nerds??"

"they're only nerds if they can't win," she corrects, poking his chest, "like you."

"yeah, yeah, you beat me," dipper says, rolling his eyes, "now enter your name for the high score so we can start heading back home. dad must've hooked up the karaoke machine by now."

pacifica giggles, inputting the name 'PAZ' before leaving the arcade with dipper; hand-in-hand.

"so, lovebirds..." mabel teases as she, candy, and grenda reunite with the pair, "ready for some karaoke?"

dipper blushes as pacifica rolls her eyes, smirking amusedly: "yeah, whatever. you wish i was dating your brother, it'll give you something to brag about."

"oh, definitely," mabel replies, "because i'm sure there's a lot of girls out there who are dying to say 'pacifica northwest, walking one-dimensional beached blonde valley girl stereotype, is dating my brother!'"

pacifica gasps, feigning offense...

before she laughs along with her former arch-enemy; walking out of the mall in a side-hug.

"look, after you said you weren't going to leave with me and move in my parents and i at the end of the summer, i wanted to hide in my sweater forever."

as pacifica explains her choice to stay in pacificaland, gideon feels the guilt rise within him as he is reminded of his promise from the beginning of the summer.

then, the melancholic expression on her face turns into one of resolve as she finishes her story.

"but then i woke up in a place that gives me exactly what i wanted: an endless summer where we'll never have to grow up! here, the sun shines all day, the party never ends, and now that you guys are here—it's finally perfect!"

"listen, pazzy," gideon speaks, "we're not here to party. all of this is crazy!"

yet, the blonde groans, disagreeing with her cousin's sentiment: "ugh! i figured you might say something like that, gid. would it kill you to be more like dipper sometimes? at least he's supportive of me!"

"sunshine..." dipper calls to her softly, placing a hand on her shoulder, "maybe you should go with gideon and the the rest..."

"huh?" pacifica's eyes go wide, suprised by the change in his demeanour.

"what are you talking about, dipper?"

"wait! hold on..." pacifica pants, trying to catch her breath after doubling down in laughs, "you... dated... a siren?"

blushing madly, dipper frowns: "is it really that hard to believe?"

apparently so, since the woman before him couldn't help but keep laughing; unable to control herself.

"uh—yeah?" she answers between cackles, "whew... oh my god, i'm gonna cry... that's hilarious... hah..."

"but you had two failed marriages!" he points out, still red as a tomato.

that doesn't stop pacifica from laughing herself breathless, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye as she finally starts to settle down.

"true... but i'm an heiress, dipper."

she had a point. twenty years is an awful long time, and it was like pacifica was getting any younger. it was inevitable that her parents wanted to secure their fortune by any means necessary—especially if said means was to marry their daughter off to another rich family.

hence, her two unsuccessful unions with marius von fundhauser and gideon gleeful.

"you never told me... how did you get out of them, again?"

"well, marius and i split because he fell in love with someone else..." pacifica answers, reminscing on her relationship with the austrian prince, "no hard feelings, though. it was for the best."

from the look on her face, dipper could tell that she was being genuine. he always loved seeing her soft side.

"and... gideon?" he winces.

"not as sweet as the papers put it." she replies bluntly. "he was just... too show-ey? even for me, which is crazy. i was able to find an out when i took the reigns on northwest realty—i got the chance to prove to my parents i was more than a pretty face, after all."

dipper chuckles, "as if there was any doubt."

"disco girl!"

"coming through!"

"that girl is you~!"

ooh-ooh's ring throughout the living room, followed by giggles and more of the musical works of dipper pines and pacifica northwest.

"more punch, kids?" mrs. pines asks as she enters the room; a tray of filled glasses in her hands. "gonna need something to drink so those singing voices won't be strained."

so, without any objections, the five kids take a break—drinking punch and catching up on town gossip.

"what?! you broke up with marius?!"

mabel's jaw drops nearly the same time the news drops, but everyone else remains indifferent. sure, candy and pacifica would have already known about this, but dipper was just plain uninterested.

"it wasn't a big deal, really," grenda explains. "there was only so much clinginess i could take!"

"speak for yourself," pacifica chimes in, checking her nails, "sounds to me like you could've been set for life. you were dating the prince of austria!"

"yeah, and it was a long-distance relationship, too!" mabel exclaims, "emphasis on distance!"

"what's distance if he wanted to fly me out to austria every weekend?! the guy just couldn't leave me alone!"

"yeesh," pacifica cringes; her facial expression in her signature look of disgust, "when you put it like that, maybe dumping the guy was right move. i can't imagine dating someone hovering over me like that, laughing and agreeing at every single thing i say."

"ha-ha!" dipper chokes out, blushing madly, hovering over pacifica, "you're totally right, paz!"

as the blonde in question raises an eyebrow, confused, the three remaining girls shares looks of mischief amongst each other; smirking slyly.

"speaking of your dating life, paz..." mabel begins in a teasing voice, "have you... say, got yourself any boyfriends, lately?"

now, it was pacifica's turn to blush—her cheeks a tinted pink.

"uh... no?" drawing out the confused 'no' in her reply, pacifica looks puzzled once more. "mabel, what—"

"AH-HA-HA-HA-HA~" dipper's forced laughs come out more obnoxious this time around, taking his sister's hand as he leads them out of the living room.

"mabel!"

"no... no... not you, too..."

"pacifica, you know in your heart that gideon's right. summer ends."

"but... i don't want it to end! i don't want to go back and... and..."

losing her words, pacifica looks back into dipper's eyes. deep down, she agreed with him wholeheartedly. she knew he was telling the truth.

but they were in pacificaland now. and the truth is not what she wants. especially if all the truth has done was hurt her and continued to do so.

"you said you wouldn't hurt me, dipper."

then there it was. the ache in his chest had returned. it didn't make sense, though! he was so sure that the guilt had been resolved after that night of the party at his mansion... so, why did it come back? he didn't so anything wrong. dipper made a deal with will so he could be granted full guardianship of the bubble and keep pacifica from harm.

she was all fine until that know-it-all gideon pines got in the way... he thinks he knows what's best for pacifica, and look what that go him—after all, he was the reason why the joyful blonde had felt so down in the first place! dipper didn't hurt pacifica, it was all gideon!

turning away from pacifica, dipper looks into gideon's eyes. if he could glare into them long enough, maybe daggers could materialize out of his brown eyes, shooting straight into gideon's blue ones.

what he didn't expect, however, was for gideon to stand his ground; staring back at dipper with the same amount—if not, more—determination than the once-evil psychic.

then, all at once, dipper's own words have struck him, remembering his promise to pacifica.

"i… i know it's too late for you to trust me… and i clearly don't deserve your forgiveness… but i do wanna try. i want to be a better person."

if i want to be more than pacifica's hero... he thinks to himself, i have to be someone worthy of loving... i have to do the right thing...

i have to be a better person.

"but, paz, you don't get it... mabel had cost me my dream school."

dipper repeats for the umpteenth time, lamenting over what could have been. he knew better than to be holding resentment over his twin sister for so long, but he just couldn't shake it off.

pacifica clearly notices this, which motivates her all the more to get her old friend to see sense.

"dipper, mabel and i haven't been on good terms this whole time, but after telling me the whole story, i've begun to see her in a different light." she confesses, laying a freshly-manicured hand atop inter-dimension traveller. "what baffles me is that while you can recall having a rich history with her, but it's only the two instances that she's done you wrong that keep a hold in your heart."

"but mabel was the reason i couldn't get into my dream school! she ruined my whole future in the blink of an eye—"

"she ruined your future, huh?" pacifica cuts him off, cocking a brow. "you want to know what i think, dipper?"

"paz—"

"no, maybe that big head of yours has influenced you in the past twenty years, and now it's got to your mouth—but i'm not going to stand for this. mabel is your twin sister. you guys sounded like two inseperable peas in a pod, but you've let that wrinkly brain of yours ruin probably the greatest friendship you've ever had."

pacifica pokes dipper's forehead for effect.

"sure, woe is you that you didn't get accepted to west coast. i'm sorry you didn't get to go into your dream school, but you went to backupsmore. you did the same work you hoped to accomplished at your first choice of school, but you pushed yourself even harder. if anything—you've probably found more success at backupsmore than west coast!"

"but mabel can't just get off scot-free—"

"your parents threw her out on the streets, dipper!" pacifica exclaims, utterly baffled by his sheer audacity, "things might've not have gone your way, but if they did back then, would you have been happier?"

hot tears begin to well up in the blonde's eyes, trying her hardest not to let them fall.

"you would have never come here! you would have never met... me..."

realizing that perhaps he did let his grievances get the better of him yet again, dipper had easily forgotten that he was only wanted to catch up over coffee with an old friend (maybe even get a second date afterwards), but he's blowing it.

blowing it big time.

"pacifica, of course i'm thankful for the way things turned out. meeting you was one of the best things that's ever happened to me."

"well, it sure doesn't feel like it..." she remarks, refusing to back down.

"look, i understand why you would be upset with mabel. sure, she ruined your chances of getting to your dream school, and got you trapped in another dimension for like, two decades, but she didn't mean to hurt you on purpose—and i think, deep down, you know this too."

though he wouldn't admit out loud, dipper did agree with pacifica's words. maybe it was just easier to stay mad at his sister because some part of him, subconsciously, knew that he was also to blame for where he ended up—especially getting himself sucked into the portal that he built himself.

"besides, if mabel was really as bad as you claimed her to be, then she wouldn't have spent all this time fixing your portal—just to get yourself out. in retrospect, what she did would typically require a prayer and a miracle to do: mabel self-educated in sciences, paid off your mortgage, and kept secrets to protect herself and her family. she did all this, her determined solely based on the very slim chance she could fix her mistake and bring you back home."

he wanted so badly to tell her that she was right. his mouth was already open, but with no words coming out, left speechless by the blonde's truth, he disappointed her; yet again.

"you know, i really missed you, dipper—but it turns out i didn't know you as well as i thought. call me when you decide to stop listening to your head and listen to your heart for a change."

with those final words, pacifica pulls out some bills from her wallet, before getting up from the booth, and out of the diner.

"what?!"

mabel yelps right before her brother frantically slaps a hand over her mouth, then peering over his shoulder to see if her loud reaction drew any attention from their guests.

with dipper's head turned, the other twin takes a chance and licks his hand, causing not only him to retract in disgust, but her as well; forgetting in that brief moment how sweaty her brother really was.

"mabel, seriously?" he asked in a hushed whisper.

spitting out and blowing raspberries with her tongue, she spats: "ugh! when do you ever not sweat?"

"whatever, that's not the point!" dipper replies, still hushed.

after blowing the last raspberries, mabel continues, whispering as well: "you haven't asked pacifica to be your girlfriend yet? spring break's almost over!"

"i know, i know, it's just..." he turns back to the living room, looking solemnly at the blonde; currently laughing along with candy and grenda. "i thought i was ready, i really did..."

seeing the gloom in her brother's face, mabel puts a hand to dipper's shoulder.

"so, what happened bro-bro?"

turning back to face his sister, dipper draws a deep sigh before asking: "mabel, do you think, if pacifica and i start dating... we'll end up arguing more than mom and dad?"

"huh?" she questions, her face puzzled.

"i mean, pacifica and i are just so different... and it's only been almost a year since we've met..." dipper explains, "on the other hand, our parents have known each other for almost twenty years... but that didn't stop them from those big arguments last year... do you think—"

"dipper, let me stop you right there," mabel interrupts, holding her hands up in a 'stop' gesture, "you and pacifica are nothing like mom and dad—and that doesn't have to be a good or bad thing! you guys have an awesome dynamic, whether as friends or as a couple—nudge nudge! the point is, you should ask pacifica to be your girlfriend when you feel you're ready. don't rush it, and definitely don't let other relationships like our parents get to you. after all, there's always summer!"

after giving it some thought, dipper looks away from mabel, turning to pacifica once more, then back to his sister; smiling.

"you make a good point, mabel... thanks. 'sides, there's always summer, right?"

after breaking free from the bubble in which will has imprisoned pacifica, she—along with the company of dipper, mabel, gideon, melody, and robbie—have made their way back to the tent of telepathy.

though found seemingly empty at first, the battle cries of the townsfolk taking refuge in the shack provokes the group of people who had just came from weirdmaggedon.

that is, until one of the folk—the six-fingered one in particular—had spotted their great niece and nephew, almost immediately standing down.

"kids?"

"grunkle ford!" dipper and mabel cheer, rushing to hug the old man.

"i can’t believe it! i thought i lost you two.” he says, capturing the twins in his arms.

“did you really?” mabel asks smugly.

“no,” ford answers, returning a smug grin back at her, “i was looking forward to not being bothered by you deliquents anymore.”

“you can always try again, grunkle ford.” dipper says.

“so, how did you all get here?”

ford then proceeds to recall the events from his perspective as weirdmaggedon unfolded, noting how the tent was the only place unaffected by will’s powers due to the protection of the unicorn hair.

“eventually, all these injured stragglers show up needing a place to stay. since the mayor got captured, i elected myself de facto chief. the plan's to stay in here and eat brown meat until we run out, then eat the gnomes."

as ford finishes explaining to his niece and nephew impassively, a nearby gnome immediately picked up on the chief's plan and gasped in utter disgust.

"hey! i'm short, not deaf!"

glancing from the kids to the gnome, ford remains indifferent.

"survival of the fittest, pal. sucks to be you, i guess."

"grunkle ford, we can't all just hide inside the tent," mabel reasons, "we have to save the town! gideon, stan, and i tried to do it, but grunkle stan ended up getting captured by will."

"serves that jerk right, it's what you get for trying to be a hero." ford remarks, then gestures to the townsfolk taking refuge in the tent. "besides, look at these people. the reason why they're here is not from the kindness of my heart, they're here out of fear—because people blindly following me would be less torturous than following some all-powerful space demon."

"so, you're really going to let will win?" gideon asks.

"kid, we got the best deal we could possibly get." the elder gleeful says, lounging back on his recliner. "be lucky that my niece is all sweet on you, otherwise i'd be kicking you and your cousin out on the streets with whatever townsfolk were unfortunate to not take refuge."

gideon frowns deeply, disgusted and frustrated with the six-fingered man. pacifica, although offended by the remark, is saddened on her cousin's behalf; considering that her uncle and aunt—despite their significant lack of quality parenting—are still out there amongst the chaos.

so, understandably, mabel is furious, and dipper places a empathetic hand on pacifica's shoulder—sharing in her lament.

she couldn't believe it... pacifica had waited for so long... she's waited twenty years, just to see him again.

though she would never admit it out loud to anyone else, pacifica's had dreams about reuniting with her former partner, many of them just a grasp away from a happy ending... that is, until she gets pulled back to consciousness at the final moment, and she realises...

he's not there.

after years of hoping, asking whatever external forces in the universe, just for the chance to see dipper pines one more time.

yet, after that lunch at greasy's, when pacifica finally got the chance to catch up with her old friend, she got to really know who dipper actually was... and it was just like in those final moments before she woke up each morning for the past couple decades.

he's still not here.

so, though it pains her heart to do this, pacifica needs to give dipper space. as long as things between him and his sister remain unresolved, how could she begin to think about having their own relationship mended?

but she's waited for twenty years... she won't mind waiting a little bit more.

take the rift...

"huh?" she scans the town around her. "who's there?"

nobody was nearby. in fact, she doesn't remember seeing the town in such a... monochromatic state. it was chilling, to say the very least.

after confirming nothing was behind her, pacifica shook her head rather wildly, trying to get her vision back. she didn't even summon him... she's fully awake... so, how did pacifica end up in the dreamscape?

suddenly, a being manifests before her. yellow, triangle-shaped, demonic. the blonde recognized him from the pages of the notebook, as well as the numerous tapestries she's locked up in one of the many closets in her mansion. after inheriting the property, stowing those demon-tapestries away was just about one of the first thing's she done to northwest manor.

"stay back!" she roars, standing guard.

"oh, llama, i'm sure your family raised you to be more poised than that." bill teases, swarming around her.

"you're nothing but bad news, you triangle goblin." pacifica spats, folding her arms, her hip cocked to one side. "i know you're like some sort of massive psycho, but you'd have to be even more mindless to think i'd make some deal with you."

"no need to be hostile, llama." bill says, backing away and giving her space. "i noticed that you had a lover's quarrel with pine tree lately, and i just want to give you something small to lift up your spirits."

"dipper and i don't have anything together." she states bluntly, clearly uninterested. "and i'm well off on my own, so if you're thinking of making me like, the richest person in the world, forget it."

"what if i gave you a better pine tree?" he offers, floating about and around her again. "in a snap, i can re-wire the old geek..."

with a snap of his fingers, a phantom of dipper appears before the two, walking towards pacifica with a smile on his ghostly face.

"a pine tree that isn't self-absorbed and all-consumed by science."

though he is a phantom, the animated dipper is able to take pacifica's hand in his. bill's probably controlling me, isn't he?

"a pine tree that can listen to his heart."

using his free arm to circle her waist, this dipper pulls pacifica close to him, his ghastly eyes seemingly consumed by her.

maybe, pacifica can't wait any longer. after all, she is getting old. besides, with dipper being the same age, she knows that he's getting old too. he's finally back home, so perhaps he ought to finally get some rest.

but it's not right. if she let herself sank this low, dipper would never forgive her. heck, she doesn't even think she could forgive herself. he wouldn't even be the dipper she fell in grew to like.

"all i need is this galaxy-looking globe of your boyfriend's. it's nothing big, so he won't miss it. so, whattaya say?"

looking from 'dipper' to bill's hand, ready for a shake, pacifica's determination returns to her; hitting her stronger than ever.

"my pine tree is perfect the way he is."

"what?" bill sputters in disbelief.

"you heard me," pacifica pulls away, staring into the demon's eye, "no deal."

"YOU FAKE BLONDE IMPENDING PATERNITY TEST! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I CAN UNMAKE YOUR FAMILY'S LEGACY AND YOU'LL BE LEFT WITH NOTHING—"

"i don't care. i have preston, and i have dipper."

"YOU WORTHLESS WASTE OF STOLEN INCOME! IT’LL BE EVEN EASIER TO TAKE THEM AWAY FROM YOU! MAKE THE DEAL, LLAMA."

without hesitance, she raises a fist; completely all out of patience.

"NO!"

"wait, so if the answer to the equation is zero, then why can't x also be zero?" pacifica asks as her eyebrows knit together, staring from the homework spread on her desk back to the dork on video call from her laptop. "anything that's multiplied by zero has to equal zero, right?"

"yeah, but if you applied zero in place of x," dipper explains, amused by the blonde's annoyance. "you'd have two multiplying negative one, making the answer—"

"negative two, yeah, yeah." pacifica cuts him off, waving it aside. "lemme try again, but i need you to shut up for a bit."

on screen, dipper looks deadpanned, but he knew that pacifica was really trying. the school year was almost over, and thanks to insufficient funds to keep her original tutor, pacifica was left to her own devices.

the thing was, he has helped her all year, and she was perfectly confident with her grades... so, why are the stakes so much higher now?

"x equals negative two or one-half!"

"see, i knew you could do it." dipper smiles at her through the monitor.

chuckling at the dopey expression on his face, pacifica feels her cheeks grow warm, smiling back at him. "thanks dipper... but i couldn't have done it without you. actually... i think i might've needed to repeat the eight grade if it wasn't for you."

"you kidding me? you're great at practically anything you put your mind to!"

heh, i hope you're right about that, dip.

what pacifica isn't telling him is how much of a big deal her final math exam really is for her. as far as he knows, it's just her first final exam that she's gotten without an expensive tutor nor the safety net of her parents' fortune to get her into the ninth grade.

"bro-bro! tell your girlfriend ya gotta go! dinner's ready!"

mabel's off-screen call promptly causes her brother to be fully red in the face, momentarily losing his cool; to which pulls a giggle from the other end of his video call.

"sounds like i gotta let you go, bro-bro." pacifica teases, reaching for her laptop, over the sheets and textbooks. "same time, tomorrow?"

"heh, of course." dipper replies, chuckling nervously as he rubs the back of his neck. "sorry about mabel, you know how she is—"

"you don't need to apologize for anything, dork. catch ya later."

the dopey, awkward grin on dipper's face is the last thing she sees before she clicks on the 'end call' button, butterflies swarming in her stomach as she's temporarily allured by the goofiness that is her crush—not that she'd admit it to anyone else, though.

soon enough, those butterflies turn into rumbles, her stomach calling out for food as well.

after shutting her laptop and abandoning post at her desk, pacifica begins to make her way down to the kitchen.

"it's about time you showed up."

preston speaks bluntly as he and his wife are sitting on the dining table, with no food before them.

"we're starving, darling." priscilla says. "we thought we were going to have to wait forever for that... pines boy... to finally end your tutor session."

taking in a deep breath, pacifica sighs just as heavily, walking towards the fridge: "what are you guys going to make me prepare tonight?"

after viewing toby determined by turned to stone, soon to join will’s throne of subdued townsfolk, the remaining people in the tent of telepathy are finally pushed to the edge—the drive of freeing the town overruling their fear of will’s tyrannic takeover.

led by the team of gideon, pacifica, and the gleeful twins, all of the refuged individuals desperately assist tad mcgucket in turning the tent of telepathy into a force for battle.

days later, their combined efforts resulted in the completion of the remodeled tent of telepathy; much to ford’s dissatisfaction.

"thanks for these apocalyspe sweaters, pacifica." melody praises, physically snug in the cashmere. "the end of the world has never felt so comfortable."

"you were always a girl of many talents, sunshine." dipper chimes in, proudly showing off the sweater with a pine tree in the center.

the rest of the refugees are in agreement; nodding and humming.

hearing a shiver from behind her, pacifica shoots mabel a look as she notices she's still sweaterless. desperate to just warm up.

"ugh!" she whines, caving in as she pulls out a pink sweater with a shooting star in the center. "fine i'll wear it," she says, putting it on, "but i'm not gonna like it."

"admit it, this is the best day of the end of the world." pacifica says, taking a seat between dipper and gideon. "i think we actually have a chance to defeat will and win back our future."

"yeah," gideon adds, "can't believe i'm saying this, but i would much rather want to live to see mabel and dipper turn thirteen."

mabel gives gideon a soft smile, something that not even her twin brother has ever seen from her—and surprisingly, gideon even smiles back at mabel.

"if we're lucky, sunshine, i guarantee we'll throw another party at the manor and invite everyone in town."

though she knew dipper was certain about it, pacifica still raises a brow in suspicion; purely out of testing him.

sighing, he places a hand over his chest: "i promise, pacifica."

hearing the approaching footsteps from one of his two nephews, dipper sighs, putting aside whatever work he was currently tending to, now tending to his nephew instead.

"let me guess: stanley didn't take it well."

the young stanford pines shakes his head, regret and doubt starting to spread across his face.

"i don't know, maybe i'm making the wrong decision." ford replies, looking up at his grunkle. "i need to think about this."

"ford, right now we need to focus on the mission." dipper says, trying to pacify his nephew's gloom. "now come on, i've got the glue—hand me the rift and let's make history."

turning his frown into a smile, ford reaches into his supposed backpack, only to pull out—a birthday flyer?!

"what? oh no! the rift!"

it's the last day of exam week, and the weight of the world is on pacifica shoulders... or at least that's how she's feeling right now.

pulling up to the front of the school, the blonde unbuckles her seatbelt, picking up her bag, and is just about to open the door before her father halts her.

"pacifica," preston calls to his daughter, causing her to turn back to him. "you are a northwest. remember, if you don't get a perfect score on that final exam, you can say goodbye to your inheritance."

suddenly, pacifica's taken back to the day of the golf tournament between herself and mabel—and it only makes her feel worse.

so, she doesn't give anything to her dad but an affirmative nod, steps out of the vehicle, and watches as the family car drives off.

once the car was out of view, pacifica rushes into the school and in the washroom, locking herself in a stall.

hyperventilating, the distressed blonde holds a hand to her chest—though it doesn't do anything to slow her breathing nor stabilize the rise and fall of her chest. before she knew it, hot tears stream down her face, and the choked sobs that barely escape from her are just a cork from a full-on piercing cry.

get it together pacifica! she begs in her mind. stop being so weak!

feeling hopeless, the floor in the stall might as well turn into a black hole and swallow pacifica whole. it's still early in the morning, maybe she can just play hooky... and just catch the next bus to piedmont. it's not like her parents would miss her, right? especially when she won't get that perfect score they were hoping for. maybe he was right...

YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.

YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING—

it was only a single ringtone that pulls pacifica from her mind. rubbing her tears away and taking a sniffle, she pulls out her phone and reads the caller id from the screen.

𝗠𝗔𝗕𝗘𝗟 𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 💫

pacifica thinks about answering, she really does, but what could she say? the only person she's ever been vulnerable with was her brother.

before she knew it, pacifica lets her phone ring for too long, letting her enemy-turned-frenemy-turned-friend[ish?] go to voicemail.

"hey pacifica! dipper and i are just about to head to school, so we wanted to give you a call and wish you good luck on your math final! remember, no matter what the result is, our support for you is as long as pi! ha! get it? 'cause it's endless?? eh??? anyways, we'll always be proud of you, paz!"

pacifica rolls her eyes, chuckling at the shooting star's oh-so familiar cheesiness.

"mabel's right," a different voice enters the message, "you've done so well in school this year all by yourself, so don't sweat it, pacifica. you're going to nail that final, and even if you're not happy with the score, you should be proud of all the work you've put in this year."

"psst! dippingsauce!" pacifica can hear mabel call out to him, but her voice is rather hushed, likely due to her being some distance away from her phone. "tell paz you less than three her!"

"'less than three her'? what do you mean, 'less than three'..." dipper's voice dies down at the end, dead air follows the voicemail as he figures out what his sister meant.

"MABE—"

just like that, the voicemail ends—or rather, cuts off. pacifica sniffles, but she finds herself smiling. chuckling, actually.

who was she kidding? of course they were right! she's pacifica northwest. the only northwest that ended her family's curse. the same girl who showed up to a family photoshoot because she stopped caring about what others wanted her to be. the llama of bill cipher's zodiac!

bill was wrong, and after all she's done to save their lives—her parents no longer get the privilege to boss her around and treat her like a butler.

so, when pacifica finally cleans herself up, then walks in the classroom to take her final math exam for the school year, she's filled with nothing but confidence. she's pacifica, after all. as if she was going to finish the eight grade with anything less than an A+.

but, her mom and dad can keep that stupid inheritance of hers, she can make her own fortunes.

"this whole plan is insane, but no one asked the chief what he thinks. after all i've done for everyone!"

"hey dipper? mabel?" pacifica calls to them, but looks in the direction of the twins' grunkle. "shouldn't you guys talk to your grunkle? he doesn't look alright..."

"oh, we already know why he's acting like that," mabel brushes it off, only looking at ford for a second before staring back at pacifica, "don't worry about it, pacifica. he's always been this stubborn, but he'll come around. just needs to blow off some steam, that's all."

then, when mabel turns away to continue chatting with gideon, dipper shakes his head and rolls his eyes before talking to the blonde.

"to make a long story short, sunshine: mabel and i have been helping grunkle ford rescue grunkle stan ever since we could remember. after discovering that will had a connection to stan's dissappearance, understandably, we've tortured him enough to surrender and be subservient to us—using his powers and the tent of telepathy to steer suspeciting eyes away. once we got stan back, he only ever expressed gratitude to mabel and i—holding his grudge against ford."

"oh..." it wasn't pacifica, but gideon reacting to his former enemy's story. "so you guys weren't really evil, after all—just misunderstood?"

"nah, with stan's smarts, and ford's con-man skills, we could've easily turned the falls into gleefulland—ow!"

dipper holds a hand to his side, turning back to pacifica, who looks at him with a dissappointing pout.

"jerk. if neither of you are going to talk to ford, then i will."

"so, this is how the world ends. not with a bang, but with a boop-boop."

"weirdmaggedon." ford says, he and his grunkle looking up to the x-shaped rip in the sky—which the younger pines could only assume would be the portal to the nightmare realm.

"the rift is shattered." dipper says, lifting his nephew up as he gets run over by various animals and creatures. "bill's world is spilling into ours and every minute his powers grow stronger."

"stanley!" ford panics as eyes go wide. "the rift must've cracked inside his backpack. he must be in danger. i have to go and find him."

rushing towards the walkie-talkie, ford calls out to stan: "stanley! come in, stanley! stanley!"

"ford. listen to me." dipper calls to the boy sternly, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "we can find your brother soon, but right now, we need to stop bill. if we could blast him back through the rip he came out of, we just might be able to stop him before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe."

"are you sure defeating bill is even possible?" ford asks, a hint of uncertainty rises in his voice.

"no. i'm not sure." dipper confesses, but with every bit of courage he could muster from within himself, he looks down at ford. taking a knee down to his nephew's level, the elder pines looks into the eyes of the six-fingered boy—hoping that the next words that leave his mouth transfer a spark of a fight in ford. "but being a hero means fighting back even when it seems impossible. will you follow me?"

"to the ends of the earth."

a/n: omg FINALLY part 2 is done! i just want to take this moment to thank every single one of you for all the support and praise you have given me since i released the first part. i just want to give a heads up that since school is starting again for me, and balancing that with my job, i clearly won't have as much spare time to be working on this fic—but i'll try my best to have the final part posted within two months from now.

writing ilyieu has been so great for me, not just in terms of engagement and the traction i get from other users, but also for my writing. usually, i don't think i would be posting this much writing in such a short span of time... i haven't been this proactive in my writing since 2020 when all i had was quarantine and wattpad, if i gotta be honest.

i hope that this part is just as good as the first, because the next part is going to be last—as it wraps up the stories i have between dipcifica in all thre au's. your ongoing support means so a lot to me, so please send me lots of likes, reposts, and even asks my way! just about any engagement will likely inspire me to keep writing! here, how about i answer some of those future asks right now:

q: jen, your writing is so awesome! do you think alex hirsch will hire you to help him write any future books for gf?

a: uh—i don't have a degree in english or any related subjects, but if he's still willing to pay me—I SURE FRIGGIN HOPE SO

q: do you actually like gravity falls or are you just writing this because the book of bill came out/you just started watching the series/you know gf is trending on tumblr/you wanted to join the gf hype while it's still trending?

a: yes. definitely. absolutely. (stan pines would be so proud of me :,))

q: ur writing sucks/u take so long to post/u copied [insert name here] so unoriginal

a: this is definitely not a rick roll

anyways, thanks a bunch again for your guys' support! you’ve gotten me my first 200+ notes, my recent dipcifica drabble has already surpassed 100 (despite only writing and posting it yesterday), and i’m actually gaining a following (even if it’s small!) i’ll be posting more soon!

taglist: @wwwritererm @a-messy-flower @stormcloudsarepretty @marii-iana @whosbex @seukymin @vegas96 @caro2004 @ghostlyvisiting @frozzuwuwu @cyanside @mcmymuffin @poorlittlerichgirll @invisible-vampire13 @tielmamon @optimussy @hoatzin2 @janis01127 @platonicallyalone @raccoonchild333 @kagura15 @suckerfordylansstuff @cosmic-peonies @ashisuniverse @automaticpandaoperatorpizza

follow #jw: i love you in every universe for more content!

[delirious-donna]

For You [Hanma Shuji]

an: Pure self-indulgence as I've been sick the past few days and I'll use any excuse to continue my soft Shuji agenda...

pairing: Hanma Shuji x female reader

warnings: fluff, self-ship coded, reader has longish hair with a similar texture to Shuji’s, fluff, bit of a sick fic I guess, domesticity, soft shuji, suggestive if you squint, did I mention the fluff?

He didn’t know what to do. That much was evident from the white noise tumbling inside his head and the empty stare that roamed your apartment. Everything was as it should be, and at the same time, nothing was right.

Shuji hadn’t heard a peep from you in almost two days, and that was unheard of before now. He appreciated that you were not overtly clingy. You didn’t need to know his exact whereabouts at any given moment of the day, but you checked in now and then, and for the first time in his life, he looked forward to those moments. So when you went radio silent except for one cursory message in reply to his attempt at humour that you were ghosting him, worry settled heavily.

The smell was apparent the second he let himself in with the spare key you had gifted him months ago. Until now, he hadn’t had reason to use it, but there was no way he would allow another day to pass without knowing what was going on. Sickness–sweet and sour–lingered in the nose, an unmistakable smell.

What he found huddled in a nest of twisted blankets tugged at a heart he had not long grown to realise existed. A mass of tangled hair obscured most of your sleeping face, though he doesn’t miss the scrunched expression etched across your features. Your skin that peeks from beneath your adorable kitty pyjamas was covered in a sheen of sweat, and he could feel the heat radiating from your body when he closed the distance in two quick strides.

You’re sick. 

The rasp of your breathing indicated something was sitting on your chest, likely a bad cold or some infection, and he doesn’t know what to do with this newfound information. Turning, he raised his glasses atop his head to pass a weary palm down his face.

Cuts, scrapes and bruises are things he can deal with. He is well accustomed to peroxide on rags to clean wounds and disinfect any dirt that might linger inside split knuckles. A raw steak slapped over a swollen eye might be considered a bit of a health hazard these days, but he still swore that nothing reduced the swelling faster. Hell, Shuji was even a dab hand with a needle and thread. He had lost count with how many of his exclusively short list of friends he had patched up to avoid the inevitable hospital questions over the years. He had even sewn himself up from time to time.

Hell, he needed to act. Standing here doing nothing was beginning to sizzle his blood.

You woke from being jostled, the haze of your fever dream preventing the usual fight or flight instinct from kicking in. Craning your neck, you blinked and scrubbed at your eyes. There was no way you were looking up at your boyfriend. No way that he had you cradled in his arms in the most delicate hold you had ever experienced.

“Shuji?” 

“Yeah, princess, it’s me. Need you to sit here f’me, alright?” He rasped, voice affected by some emotion you couldn’t quite place.

Cool porcelain met your backside, your body guided upright until you could manage your equilibrium. Hanma Shuji was here, in your apartment, in your bathroom. Rummaging through your medicine cabinet and looking for god knows what.

A bath. He could at least run you a warm bath and rid you of the smell of sweat and sickness from your pretty skin. Methodically, he worked to fill the tub and added a few splashes of some scented shit that smelled familiar from your cabinet. Shuji dutifully peeled the pyjamas and underwear from your body and threw them in the hamper with a mind to run a load for you if he remembered.

Maybe you were dreaming. Maybe your twisted fever-induced dreams had shifted away from the nauseatingly vibrant images you had experienced only a few hours ago to this muted peaceful scene. It was a nice thought, but no, this was reality and not one you ever thought you’d experience. 

A hand from behind your head came into view, a hand you knew immediately, not just by the stark black kanji inked against golden skin but the length of his slender fingers and the slight yellowish stain from the cigarettes he smoked. He handed you a soapy washcloth, which you gratefully accepted, wiping it across your body and sluffing off the grim that had caked you over the course of the last few days.

It was heaven, pure and simple, and when you thought it couldn’t get any better, Shuji surprised you once more. He gently tilted your head back, your eyes met his, and you smiled in adoration at the concentration evident on his face seconds before he began wetting your hair with the jug you kept on the edge of the bath.

“You don’t have to… Shu, I can take care of my hair once I’m better.”

Shuji clicked his tongue against his teeth in admonishment, but he held back from scolding you further for not trusting him with this small task. He washed his own damn hair, so washing yours wasn’t going to be some impossible task. His fingers worked in the suds of your shampoo into a thick lather, digging deep against your scalp and massaging firmly enough to elicit moans of bliss. 

Normally such noises would make him hard, but right now it only raised a genuine smile. This was possibly one of the most intimate things he had ever done for you. Never mind all those times he had rearranged your insides or made slow, passionate love to you. No, this was on a whole other level, and he liked it–more than he ever believed he would.

You must have dozed off whilst he shampooed and conditioned your hair because the next thing you were aware of was being lifted from the bath and wrapped in a thick fluffy towel that draped past your toes. Shuji returned you to your bedroom but paused in where to deposit you, his nose wrinkled in distaste at the mess of sheets that most definitely needed to be washed and changed. Eventually, he planted your feet on the plush rug by the bottom of your bed, one which his knees were intimately familiar with and helped towel dry your body from head to foot.

“Put these on, baby. Imma strip your bed, do you have another set?” He asked with a kiss to your temple, handing you a clean set of yellow pyjamas with little ducks covering them from your dresser drawer. 

Nodding sleepily, you pointed to the wicker storage box in the far corner before stepping into the pj pants and clumsily covering yourself with the top that bagged just enough that you could truthfully forgo the pants if you wanted.

You watched in amusement as the man known far and wide as both a talented photographer and sometimes enforcer for certain well-connected friends changed your bedding. His tall frame made it easy for him to manipulate the fitted sheet into place and wrangle a clean duvet cover on your kingsize duvet. This shitty task would have taken you nearly half an hour by yourself, but he managed in only ten.

“Need to dry my hair,” you yawned, leaning your face on his bicep and gratefully folding into his body when his arm snaked around your waist. He looked lost again, and you took pity on him. This kind of care was not his forte, but he didn’t know that all of this meant more to you than you could verbalise in your current state.

“I’ll wait for you in the living room. Take your time, alright?” With a final kiss to your forehead, he rounded the door of your bedroom and was gone from sight.

Shuji tried to sit still whilst the sound of your hairdryer filled his ears, but he was never one to sit idly by. He thought back on the times he had been sick as a kid with no one to really care for him and the things he would have wished for. In truth, a hot bath, clean clothes and a full stomach were all he ever wanted.

He was no cook, but he got by. A can of chicken soup caught his attention as he scanned your cupboards and set about warming it up on the stovetop. Your bread was still fresh, and he found butter in the fridge. He could do this. He could be the caring boyfriend when he wanted and though he had never felt inclined before, you were different.

You didn’t blow up his phone looking for sympathy or attention–no–you had tried to tough it out much like he had growing up, and it further sparked the flicker of kindred spirit that he felt about you. He wanted to protect you. There was no sense of obligation, and that made the difference. You were the first person he had loved outside of himself, and you reciprocated unconditionally. 

You took the man he was, the boy he had been and loved every part of him, flaws and all. Shuji could do the same for you, and he vowed that the next time one of you fell sick, you’d be living together and there would be no need to guess that something was wrong.

So engrossed in sentimental thoughts that were still rather foreign to him, Shuji didn’t notice the hairdryer cut off nor the sound of your bare feet padding in search of him. It wasn’t until two small arms wound around his waist that he noticed or acknowledged your presence at all.

“What did I do to deserve you, Hanma Shuji?” You sobbed wetly into the shirt covering his back. Your emotions were overwhelming you, head still stuffy from whatever sickness had beat your ass the past few days, coupled with the domesticity of watching him cook for you. Tears streaked towards your cheeks, and you smushed your face deeper into him in an attempt to halt the flow.

He chuckled whilst continuing to stir the soup. “I know a lot of people that would say you must have been real bad in a past life to have ended up with me as a boyfriend.”

You sniffled and mustered every ounce of strength–barely anything–to smack him for that comment. “Shut up, you ass. Don’t spoil it.”

Shuji turned slowly. The amused expression softening in the face of your soppy, pathetic face that he couldn’t possibly adore any more, and he raised a hand to thumb away your tears. Enfolding you fully into his arms, he cooed softly against your freshly dried hair and smiled at the scent that was uniquely you had returned to your skin.

“I want you to know that I would do anything for you. Not only would I rip apart this entire fucking world if someone dared hurt you.” He enthused before his tone softened with a quiet exhale as if he were about to whisper some unspoken secret. “But I’ll also bathe you when you need the help, and I’ll feed you when you’re hungry. For you, there is nothing too much.”

[bairdthereader]

Charlie Spring, An Appreciation: Part 3, Cool

Charles Francis Spring is epically cool, and no, I won't be taking questions. Yes, Nick is undeniably awesome, and he's popular, and he's the rugby king, but Charlie is by no means outclassed here. It's even stated (by some of the rugby lads, no less) in the first comic that Charlie is generally liked wherever he goes and fits in with everyone. So let's take a stroll through the many ways Charlie embodies cool--all, it must be noted, while being his authentic self.

We'll go for the obvious first: our guy plays the drums, which has been synonymous with coolness basically since time began. And Nick agrees, so there's no point denying it. [Side note: I really wish we got to see more of Charlie playing for fun in the show. Other than when he's trying to teach Nick to play and preparing for the spring concert, we only see him play when he's upset about something. And only once in S2, which is criminal. Can't wait for that festival gig in S3.]

If musical talent isn't enough, we've got Charlie's academic prowess. Sure, this could class him as a "nerd," but really, I think we all know this just means he's all-around brilliant. Not to mention that he's maintained his high academic standards (with the exception of that history coursework, and who could blame him) throughout some really challenging life experiences. I mean, look at Nick's I-know-the-answer-to-this-question-because-my-super-smart-boyfriend-helped-me-revise face. That's all you need to know.

It's well established that Charlie is a "super fast" runner, so he also has physical accomplishments we can add to the list. But let's talk about rugby, because as we all know, this is not something that comes naturally or easily to Charlie. And yet. He attacks it, learns it, and ultimately succeeds. Will he ever be a rugby king? No, but the fact that he manages to go from a complete novice to a competent, productive part of the team reveals yet another facet of his determination and tenacity. And I challenge anyone who doubts Charlie to watch this little moment (with Flor's pitch-perfect "Heart" playing in the background) and still think this boy can't do anything he sets his mind to.

Charlie may not be the rugby king, but he is indisputably the Mario Kart king. Honestly not sure why anyone bothers challenging him anymore. That throne cannot be toppled. 👑

Charlie has a lot more self confidence than I think he's usually given credit for. He has periods of doubt, of course, but who doesn't? I love seeing these moments where his confidence is on display, whether they're big, consequential moments or quiet ones, because it shows that his past trauma hasn't completely overruled his sense of self. He knows his worth, and his strength, even if he occasionally forgets. Charlie is as strong as they come.

Let us not overlook the fact that Charlie Spring is a huge, unapologetic (and very successful) flirt. And, I'd venture to argue, a little bit more of a smooth operator than even Nick. Even though he occasionally second-guesses himself, these flirty shenanigans reveal that Charlie has a core of confidence both in Nick's reciprocation of Charlie's feelings, but also in himself and his own desirability.

But really, all we needed to see to know Charlie is cool is this: epic jumper collection, ripped black skinny jeans, raglans, Nick's hoodies, plaids...

And this:

Your honor, I rest my case.

[maxzinn]

What bothers me after all this drama is that those users that made the posts calling out the type of fics they were bothered with, didnt actually include like a list of those fics (probably to avoid an entire purge and hatred), and everyone in the comments of those posts just suddenly at a flip of a switch, all could only think about one. single. story...and that was the 2 part fic from the now deactivated account.

So for a fic which diverges from canon by having Aventurine NOT go through the entire rollercoaster of drama and be given a chance at a normal life, everyone and their mother jumped to bully the writer. Please, gimme a break, he could've still become the same charismatic gambler we all know and love, just he would've had an oh idk- a little support system given by the person that got him out of a much crappy life? Seriously, how many fics AREN'T out there which diverge at one point from canon?! Or, even better, ignore the canon completely and they are their own thing! HOW MANY- A LOT OF THEM ARE!

It's like they were bothered that there can be a "what if Aventurine was saved before he went through the rest of that hell?", as if his canon story is the only thing that matters and shouldn't be changed at all - THE MAN IS IN SHAMBLES. HE WANTED TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM LIFE. And I cant be the only one who doesnt believe that him, as he grow up, didn't wish for someone to come to his aid, to take him out of there, but the more time passed, the more hope he lost and he just "well, guess I'll do this on my own". He. Has. No. One. To. Talk. To. Without. Him. Hidding. Behind. The. Persona. He. Created. No one.

Anon you have said exactly everything that I wanted to hear ‼️

(They all started this mess so I’m not gonna stop till I get my point straight across their faces)

These people CANNOT tell me that Aventurine didn’t want to be saved. They CANNOT tell me he didn’t hope for a helping hand throughout this whole hell.

The IPC had failed him and his race from the very beginning when they failed to protect Sigonia IV and the Avgins from the Katicans, and yet I still see people saying that creating a fic where he was saved is disregarding his effort in surviving like pls- my girl… he wanted to DIE to be with his family again and he’s literally in the clutches of the very same company that FAILED him and his kind. His life is literally in their hands and NO ONE would ever want to be at the mercy of the very same people who failed you.

He’s tired. He thinks so lowly of himself. He thinks he has no worth. He has no self-esteem.

All of that could’ve been avoided if someone had helped him, way before his neck was branded by the slave mark, or even during the time he was enslaved.

Like you said, there are already tons of fics that diverts from the canon story of the character into something that is almost disregarding it, so why is that an issue now?

We all love him the way he is, but don’t you think it’s also insensitive to say that when he himself hated the process or events that transpired to become what he is now?

I give him credit for his hardwork and efforts for staying alive and getting past the hell, but that cost him EVERYTHING. He survived, but he thinks so lowly of himself. He still think he’s only worth 60 tanbas. He didn’t refute Ratio and Sparkle’s insult. He throws his own body on every gamble because he thinks that’s his only worth… and now a simple harmless fic that aimed to provide him a normal life free from that tragedy was frowned upon by everyone just because the reader “bought him as a slave”.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling someone I wasn't their bully 100% of the time

Hey so I was a shitty kid and i willbe TA for most of the story. However the ambiguous non-ending spins around my head nonstop

! In high-school I met a friend, Lacy (mtf) who had recently come out. We bonded over mutual Fandoms and shared classes and ended up pooling friends. I was already tight friends with one other girl we can call Sam. Sam went to another school but me and her had been best friends for many years and talked constantly online. After spending a lot of time with Lacy, and with L and S in a group, I started to get a little crush. Me and Lacy had this habit of passing comic notes to eachother between classes and they were just so fun. Anyways I ended up passing them one asking them out and she agreed. We talked about it casually after and I kept the note. In the background, me and Sam talk constantly about Lacy. Outside of school, online, Lacy often goes on long rants and tangents and caps it off being painfully self depreciating and insinuating self harm. I honestly don't hold that against her too much, given how young we were and how much stuff was going on. Very quickly I realize this tiny crush evaporates in the heat of her stomping rants. My gut sinks when Lacy mentions we are dating. It's been less than a day. Sam messages me immediately and I make the terrible snap decision to lie. I lie about it and I have the evidence so my version becomes correct. I tell Sam I didn't *really* ask Lacy out, blah blah. The lie doesn't end. Lacy has an explosive breakdown about it, well warranted, and I lie to adults and school administrators as well. We were friends, I guess she got too attached, we talk all the time but no. I never asked her to date. Papers signed, case closed. Lacy blocks me everywhere. The year ends. I resign to never speaking to her, as the unquestioned bully in this situation I wouldn't have the right to approach her about it. I think I send one anon ask completely unrelated to her or our lives, then block her back as is only fair.

Short hop forwards a month or two. Sam sends me a message about an update to Lacys blog. Lacy is otherkin and Sam is laughing at the kin list, sending anon messages mocking Lacy about the choices and identity. Very unfamiliar with otherkin but struggling with gender thoughts myself I don't respond much.

Fast forward a few years. Me and Sam don't talk much now. I got a boyfriend and couldn't help love how much he ignored me. Everything else fell through cracks. Working at my restaurant job one day, who else comes in but Lacy. We are very busy, I try to be quick, don't make eye contact. "Party of....for Lacy?" She nods. The lobby is full so they walk out the door and never come back. Later when my shift is over I unblock and check her blog. She's made a post saying I was her abuser and had sent her constant anon hate since bullying her in hs. Checking her ask tag I see Sam on anon sends 3-6 hate messages a year. I do nothing and leave everyone be and move on.

Another 3 years goes by. Sam reaches out. She's terminally ill, and we speak stiffly for a few IMs. I don't forgive myself for leaving her and decide it's best we don't keep talking. Another few years and Sam passes. Our old friends go through Sam's papers and pc files reminiscing and find pages and pages of shared chat logs between me L and S. It really was a harsh reminder of how cruel I had been, speaking behind Lacys back and lying. I don't doubt I caused her lasting trauma with my actions.

Part of me wanted to reach out to Lacy and apologize, explaining myself and the misunderstanding and clearing the lie not because I wanted to feel absolved I just that it's finally done now. But it feels so cruel to do it when 1. As the original bully it's still not my place to seek closure 2. I can't just toss my friends corpse under this bus for no reason.

It's soon a decade since we all left school so the time seems well past. I just can't stop thinking about all the mistakes. And there seems no reason to bring it all up after all Sam can't say anything about it anymore and nobody is hurt believing i said these things. So, AITA for not telling Lacy it wasn't me bullying her most of the time?

What are these acronyms?

[selfindulgentpixies]

The hands that hold you ch9: Here for you

SatoSugu x GN!reader master list

It's finally here! Also holyshit we're at chapter 9. This series is the longest thing i've ever written solo before. I know this one was super delayed. Between me getting horribly sad and depressed over certain events for several weeks and just being busy this one took a while. It also took a bit because it was hard to write emotionally for me. Reader goes through it in this chapter for a bit. We get a bit more of a glimpse into things they've been rather tight lipped about and then.. well i'll say it because he's his own warning label, Naoya shows up. Note: 1.While at the beginning of second year Yaga is still a teacher I had him get his promotion by the fall for the exchange event to principle though he still maintains his teaching duties as well. 2. I said it before but i'll make note of it again, since the japanese school year typically starts in the spring it is still Satoru and Suguru's second year. CW: GN!reader, Afab!reader (I haven't said it explicitly until now but given the self inserty nature of this reader and how Naoya treats them it's fairly obvious. Only they/them pronouns are used for reader), Allusions to past abuse, the word whore is used. If you've gotten this far you probably already know that reader is foreigner who was adopted by Yaga (Listen i look at him and all my thoughts are "dad? Dad.You're my dad now." Don't ask why.) ___

“That’s such crap! It was fine when Suguru and I competed a year early for the exchange event! We should be able to participate this year too.” Satoru’s voice cuts into the hall as you walk alongside Haibara causing the two of you to slow your steps as you pass the classroom. 

Inside Satoru looks annoyed, arms crossed and leaning back in his desk chair. Suguru only looks mildly disgruntled by the news Yaga is giving the two of them. 

Yaga sighs. “You weren’t special grade yet. You’re a lot stronger than a year ago. I’ve already talked to Gakuganji about it. He's firm on the fact that the two of you shouldn’t compete since having two special grades will unfairly tilt the odds of the competition in Tokyo’s favor. “ 

Satoru replies, voice mocking Yaga’s, “Yeah well it unfairly tilts the odds in kyoto’s favor if you put us down two students,” he then continues in his normal voice, “And maybe if kyoto’s students were stronger they wouldn’t have to disqualify us to win. Guess they’re not over losing last year because of a pair of first years.” Suguru makes a sound that could be taken as agreement. 

“The terms of the competition have already been set, Satoru.” Yaga runs a hand over his short hair, frustration building. He could understand both sides of it and while he wasn't a fan himself it was what it was. 

Haibara and yourself are too focused on what’s being said inside the classroom to notice as Nanami walks up behind the two of you. “What the hell are you two doing?”

You squeak and Haibara gasps , you both startle enough to jump slightly and Haibara’s larger frame jerking against yours causes you to fall over, pushing the door open as you face plant onto the floor followed by Haibara falling on top of you. 

The tension in the room breaks slightly as everyone falls silent and stares at the two of you. 

You groan out what could only be deciphered as an ‘ow’ from beneath Haibara, unable to be embarrassed immediately with your face squished into the floor and all of your friend’s muscle crushing down on you. 

“Ah! Sorry, ___!” He rolls off you quickly, still on the floor. You push yourself up, rising to your knees, pointedly staring at the floor, both out of embarrassment and just knowing you’re in trouble. The stifled laugh from Satoru doesn’t help and flicking your eyes up shows Suguru has placed his hand over his mouth.

Yaga pinches the space between his brows and lets out a slow breath, doing his best to subdue his mounting irritation and rising headache. “Now I know you know better than to eavesdrop.” 

You shrink back and fold your hands on your lap, eyes remaining dowcast. Haibara has assumed a similar position but looks sheepish instead of nervous. In unison the two of you speak. “Sorry, Sensei.” 

“And you?” Yaga directs his attention behind the two of you. 

You can’t see it but Nanami raises his hands and shakes his head. “I was just passing by, I swear.” 

Yaga’s focus turns back to you and taking in your actual nervousness he sighs. “I suppose this works. How much did the two of you hear?”

You glance up at Yaga and shift uncomfortably. “Something about not allowing Satoru or Suguru to compete in the upcoming exchange event?” That was exactly what it had been of course but you phrase it as a question, something odd to your voice. It causes Suguru’s brows to knit together. If Satoru catches it he doesn’t let on and instead he groans and hangs his head back causing his glasses to slide onto his forehead at the reminder of what they’d been talking about before you and Haibara had interrupted.

Yaga nods. “That’s right. And If you didn’t hear Satoru did point out how when it comes to numbers the competition will be unbalanced. Shoko would be the only second year involved and her focus isn't combat. To balance out the numbers it’s not unheard of for first years to compete in the exchange event.“

Haibara speaks up. “Ah! So are you asking if we’ll be in the exchange event?” Excitent fills his voice and when you glance at him you swear his eyes are sparkling. Of course he’d be excited. Somewhere behind you  you swear you hear Nanami sigh. 

“That’s it exactly.” He confirms.

Nanami who hadn’t been eavesdropping, speaks up. “Wait, why aren’t Geto-senpai and Gojo-senpai competing? Wouldn’t they be a lot more likely to win-” and so another round of conversation and argument starts though by the end of it it’s decided that you and your fellow first years would indeed be competing in place of Suguru and Satoru. 

___

After, when you go to part ways from your boyfriends to go with Nanami and Haibara, Suguru stops you with a gentle hand on your wrist. “If you don’t mind, I'd like to steal you for a bit.” You turn and blink up at him and then glance at your classmates. Haibara gives you an encouraging wave. 

“We’ll see you later for the mission, yeah?” 

“Of course,” you try for a smile though it doesn’t entirely reach your eyes until you turn toward Suguru. It falters again though when you see the worry clear in his eyes. Oh. Oh this was probably going to be a not so fun conversation. A glance toward Satoru shows he’s also watching you more closely now that he’s not lamenting how unfair the situation with the exchange event is. 

Nanami and Haibara are already around a corner but you still try to make an excuse. “Ah actually maybe I should go with them-”

When both young men retain their serious air and Suguru maintains his hold on your wrist your shoulders deflate just a bit. You really hope he wants to talk to you about the eavesdropping but you know deep down that won’t be it. He wouldn’t care about that enough to pull you away from what you were already doing. Honestly you sort of wished that the two of them weren’t so observant right now.  “I don’t want to talk about it here, really I don’t want to talk about it at all, but if I can’t avoid it let's go to one of our dorms or somewhere else private…” 

“Of course,” Suguru replies gently, just glad that you’re showing some willingness to talk even if it’s reluctant. 

The walk to the dorms goes too quickly for your liking and when you enter Suguru’s room you go and flop face first on his bed. After you hear the door slide closed the bed dips twice, once on either side of you. 

“So you wanna tell us why you looked like a nervous rabbit back there?” Satoru’s voice is deceptively light despite going straight to the point. If your face wasn’t still buried in Suguru’s comforter you would have seen the look he shoots Satoru. Honestly though it was probably better that he was being direct. 

You mumble something into the comforter and then feel a hand on your shoulder before you’re being encouraged to roll onto your back, which you do. “No, I don't want to tell you. But I suppose the two of you won’t let this go until I do… It’s stupid honestly.” 

The young men share a glance before Suguru speaks up. “Can’t be stupid if it’s got you this stressed out. “

“It is though… I shouldn’t still be reacting that way after nearly three years away from…” You trail off your brows knitting together. 

It’s not hard for Suguru and Satoru to slot the pieces into place then.  You were always so reluctant to talk about your life before Yaga adopted you.  In fact anytime anyone has so much as tried to ask you more than the most basic questions about it you change the subject. 

“I was overreacting to the idea that I was about to be in trouble…” you continue quietly. “Even though Yaga sensei has never given me a reason to be nervous about it.” 

This was true, it had been something of note that Yaga was gentle even with his reprimands of you. Despite being a bit of a muscle brain in Suguru’s opinion he was more gentle than expected. Honestly both he and Satoru had just chalked it up to him having a soft spot for you since he’d taken you in. This was beginning to paint a more complete picture of why, even though you were still being purposefully vague. That’s when Suguru hears it, a small sniffle. He hadn’t realized he’d been getting lost in his head, fists clenched tightly on his lap until he looks over at you. Your lower lip wobbling slightly before you pull it between your teeth. 

“Hey hey… shhh..” Satoru’s hand rests on your cheek, thumb swiping beneath your eye catching a tear you hadn’t even realized slipped out. 

“I’m sorry-” your voice comes out tight, you hated that your walls you’d crafted so carefully around these particular emotions were cracking so easily. You’d hoped you could just speak matter of factly and clinically about it. But the show of care makes something give. 

Suguru’s laying down next to you in a moment, arm going around your waist. “Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

That makes several more fat tears roll down your cheeks. And honestly? You weren’t sure why. You just know the show of emotion is making guilt constrict your chest. 

When you fail to answer Suguru tugs you against his chest, his eyes flicking up to Satoru after he tucks your head under his chin. Satoru runs a hand over your spine. “I’ll be right back okay? Gonna grab ya a couple things,” Satoru says in a soothing tone that would be unfamiliar to anyone but you and Suguru.  

When he comes back he’s brought tissues along with bottled water and your favorite snack. It doesn’t fix everything but it helps. The show of care helps a lot. Later the two of them will quietly agree to not push on this topic and to let you tell them things at your own pace, if you ever wanted to tell them at all. 

__

The time leading up to the exchange event passes about as peacefully as time can pass for young sorcerers. When your schedules line up you and your fellow first years train with Suguru and Satoru. Honestly you may have been a little too gleeful to see them get tossed around the training field like you’d been  for months. You still got tossed around too but at least Nanami and Haibara couldn’t tease you about it. Especially since it almost seemed like your boyfriends were harder on you than them. Tough love is what it could be chalked up to. If you wanted to train with them it wasn’t going to be half assed. It wasn’t like curses and curse users would take it easy on you just because you were the subject of affection for two of the strongest sorcerers. If anything it was a reason to train you harder. Both of them were painfully aware of how you could be viewed as a weak point for them.

It all goes by too quickly. Soon enough you’re meeting the students from Kyoto. Regrettably you’d soon realize. You stand in front of Shoko who’s sitting on an old stone fence, idly picking at some of the moss growing on it. Without looking at you she asks, “So are they going to show up to greet the Kyoto students?” 

 “Hmm? Satoru and Suguru? I doubt it. It was Kyoto’s principle that got them disqualified from the event and made it so Nanami, Haibara and I would have to sub in. Satoru was still pretty bitter about it all this morning.” You glance briefly at your fellow first years who are a small ways away from the two of you speaking with some third years you weren’t familiar with.

“And Geto?” Shoko’s words draw your focus back to her.

“I’m not sure he cares anymore. He seemed pretty apathetic about it all,” it was actually starting to worry you how many things he was starting to act apathetic about honestly. Well now that you thought about it he wasn’t entirely apathetic about the competition. “Well.. beyond asking me to be careful.” 

Shoko gives you a small smile. “Who knows, maybe that means he’ll show up just for you, maybe they both will.” 

Neither of you notice the figure approaching you.

You laugh a little, shyness and affection warming your chest at the idea. “Nah.. I mean they saw me this morning before I left. Satoru even got up early despite being grumpy about the event so he could have breakfast with me and see me off. Pretty sure he went back to bed after.” 

“Huh, so you must be the one since you’re using his first name all familiar like even though he’s older than you.” An unfamiliar voice cuts into your conversation, sounding unimpressed. 

You blink and turn, coming face to face with a blonde teenage boy you can only assume is one of the students from kyoto given his uniform. When did he come up behind you? Before you can say anything though he continues. 

“I guess your face is pretty enough that I can understand keeping you around.” 

Shoko mumbles something distinctly impolite under her breath while you bristle at the stranger’s words. You tip your chin up and meet his eyes with a glare. “Excuse me, just who are you to speak to me that way? I don’t even know you.” 

He sneers at you. The defiant look in your eye instantly pisses him off. “You’re right you don’t know or you wouldn’t speak to me like that. You’re what, just a little whore and an outsider sleeping with the future head of the Gojo clan and his best friend right? Hoping to advance your station in a place you don’t belong?” He takes a step toward you, invading your space. 

Your cheeks flush with angry heat, his words like a slap to the face. No one had ever called you something quite like that before. But more than that, the insinuation that you were using Satoru made your blood boil. Everything else falls away. You don’t even register Shoko’s hand on your shoulder or the rising voices before the loud crack of the back of your hand colliding with this jackass’s cheek creates a stunned hush among all present. 

He stands there in disbelief before his eyes narrow at you, with a snarl he grabs the front of your uniform, free hand drawing back- 

—

Satoru flops back onto the bed, stretching out all his limbs and entirely taking up the space earning him an unimpressed look from Suguru. “Are you really going to go back to bed?” followed by a mumbled ‘and get out of my bed if you're going to keep your day clothes on.’

“I mean we actually have the day off, everyone else is busy with the exchange event, what else is there to do but catch up on some well deserved rest?” He stretches his arms above his head in an exaggerated manner before folding them under his head. He pointedly ignores Suguru’s complaint about his state of dress.

“I feel we should be there at least for the initial meeting, Satoru.” 

“Why? We’re not participating,” a bit of annoyance creeps into his tone. “And we already wished ___  luck before they left to meet up with the others.” 

“That’s the thing… Who are the participants this year? On our end it’s our first years, Shoko and some third years that ___  hasn’t actually had a chance to meet. Utahime just entered her fourth year so she’s not competing. Then for Kyoto it’s…”

“A bunch of weaklings,” Satoru says flippantly before continuing. “Mei-san has also aged out of competing.” then a thought seems to occur to Satoru. Last year kyoto had a certain first year who made a fuss about not being allowed to compete while he and Suguru were. The smarmy smirk of a boy he’d seen more times than he’d of liked when he’d been pulled along on clan business by his father flashes through his mind. “Naoya is going to be there this year.”  He sits up and looks at Suguru. Apparently he’d been waiting to see if Satoru would come to the realization on his own. 

“Are we sure they’ll be okay running into him? Pretty sure other than you this will be their first time running into another student who’s a member of the three clans. And he’s from Zenin on top of it. He’d probably mostly behave if we were there as a buffer but I can only imagine the sorts of things he may say without us there. Especially if he catches them one on one. He’d probably bring up all the worst of the rumors too.” 

Satoru swings his legs over the side of the bed. “Tch. Can’t believe I forgot he’d be showing up this year..  Not to say I don’t trust ___ abilities but i’d rather not just leave them to deal with Naoya without warning..” It should have been an entire talk, not just about Naoya but about how sorcerer’s outside the school may view them based on rumors alone of the relationship the three of you share since none of you even attempted to hide it.

They leave in short order after that. Honestly they both hoped they were overreacting and that with other people around Naoya would behave. Then they could warn you of what to potentially expect from him during the actual competition so you wouldn’t be caught off guard. When the two of them see Yaga and Gakuganji along with several students from kyoto they have some hope until they notice Naoya isn’t among them. It’s not like you’re alone though and they know you’d hate if they made a scene of rushing to you if you weren’t in any trouble, so they casually approach the group. They brush off the suspicious glances from the two principles. Brushing off any questioning with comments of ‘what? Just because we can’t compete does that means we’re not allowed to show up and greet the other students? They can’t fight but they can show some goodwill for the goodwill exchange event right?’

It’s while they’re ascending the stairs that they hear some of Naoya’s words, venom dripping from his every word. And if the look on Yaga’s face is any indication he hears as well. 

“You’re right you don’t know or you wouldn’t speak to me like that. You’re what, just a little whore and an outsider sleeping with the future head of the Gojo clan and his best friend right? Hoping to advance your station in a place you don’t belong?”   The words silence all surrounding conversation once they leave Naoya’s mouth, finally getting the attention of the other surrounding students. 

Satoru’s blood boils, both at the words in general but the fact that he’d try to put in your head that you were using him in anyway. Yaga begins to say something but before the words seem to reach anyone they all watch wide eyed as the back of your hand connects with Naoya’s cheek. It wasn’t something anyone expected, least of all Naoya considering he hadn’t reacted at all until his head snapped to the side from the action. 

Both Satoru and Suguru see it though, the moment murder flashes in his eyes. Once he touches you though, one hand fisting into the front of your uniform while the other rears back Satoru is there in an instant his own hand wrapping around Naoya’s wrist, stopping him before he can do anything. “I knew you were an ass but I didn’t think you were stupid too, Naoya.” Satoru’s grip on his wrist is so tight that the bones creak. Suguru is there nearly as quickly smacking Naoya’s hand away from your uniform and pulling you to his chest.

“Tch” Naoya goes to yank his hand away but Satoru refuses to let go. 

“Enough!” All eyes turn toward Gakuganji, as he stands at the head of the stairs. Yaga’s jaw is set tight as he stands beside the old man. It’s only after meeting Yaga’s gaze that Satoru roughly releases Naoya’s wrist, which is already an angry color that will surely turn into a dark bruise. It's a tense meeting of the schools from that point. Satoru and Suguru crowded close to you and Shoko glaring daggers at Naoya. They’re not the only ones either. If looks could kill Naoya be dead several times over. 

Yaga looks you over and then around at the other Tokyo students. “You all go on ahead to the meeting room. I need to have a talk with Kyoto’s principal. Begin planning your strategy for the competition.”  No one argues as he walks off. 

The walk to the meeting room is uncomfortable. No one quite sure what they should say to you and you unsure what you would want to say back in turn at the moment. You feel embarrassed, ashamed even at how Naoya had spoken to you. The things he’d said run on repeat in your head and you stare at the ground as you walk. Suddenly Shoko is squeezing between you and Satoru and throwing an arm around your shoulders. “I want to talk to you for a minute.” She pulls you away from the rest of the group and when Satoru and Suguru try to follow she gives them a look. “I want to talk to ___-chan.” 

You give them the best reassuring smile you can. “It’s fine.” Your voice is thinner than you’d hoped it would be but after sharing a look they seem to decide that letting you go with Shoko is fine. 

“We won’t be far if you need us, alright?” Suguru offers gently.

You smile a little more genuinely. “Okay.” And with that Shoko leads you toward a different room. 

Flicking on a light and closing the door behind the two of you, Shoko then leads you to sit on a plush couch. Once seated you begin to speak, “I’m sor-” Shoko’s flicks your forehead and you let out a little ‘ow’ and rub at the spot instinctively.

“Don’t you even start apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong,” she says firmly. The words ring familiar in your mind. You begin to speak again, to argue in some fashion but she covers your mouth. When you give up she huffs and continues, though her features soften. “Like I said, you didn’t do anything wrong. Naoya is just a prick. Most Zenin men are honestly… But he’s especially open about it.” 

With her hand removed you look down at your lap with a pout. “Is that really how people see me?”  

She suddenly squishes your face between her palms and makes you look at her. “You listen to me. The only people who think of you that way are people who don’t matter. I see how you look at those two idiots and I see how they look at you. It would be annoying how much love is there if it wasn’t so sweet. And i’m not the only one, all our friends do too. Nothing Naoya says or what anyone else thinks can change that. It can’t change that you're a good person who’s loved and works hard and cares deeply for those around you. It won’t change how Gojo and Geto feel. I’m sure you’ll hear that from them later.”  She releases your face and leans back against the arm of the couch. 

You’re quiet as you mull over her words. She was right of course. There’s a knock at the door making the both of you jump slightly. The door opens and Haibara sticks his face in. “Sorry if i’m interrupting, Yaga-sensei is back and we’re waiting on the two of you.” He looks between the two of you concern furrowing his brow. You didn’t know it yet but he and Nanami had been only moments from intervening if not for Satoru and Suguru suddenly arriving. 

“Ah, of course, we’ll be right there.” You stand  and so does Shoko. You glance at her. “Could you give us just a minute more?” 

He nods. “I’ll let everyone know the two of you are on your way.” He offers you a smile though it’s not quite as full of his usual cheer.

Once the door closes you turn to Shoko. “Thank you, Shoko-senpai.. I think I needed to hear you say that.” 

She smiles and surprises you by pulling you in for a hug. “Anytime. Like I said before I’m sure Gojo and Geto would have reassured you but I think it’s good you hear it from people on the outside too.” She pulls back and smiles when she sees you looking just a bit bashful at her sudden display of affection. “Now let’s get back, yeah?” 

“Yeah okay.” You give her a shy smile in turn and she links your arm with her’s before leading you from the room and down the hall toward everyone else. 

__

Oh this was great. The only thing that would have been better was if they’d been allowed to kick Naoya’s ass for how he’d spoken to you. It even numbed the sting of not being able to compete in the exchange event themselves. Satoru and Suguru lounged in their seats, watching the competition unfold on the monitors with the teachers. They weren’t the only students here though. Not far off, looking absolutely miserable and pissed was none other than Naoya. Freshly disqualified for his conduct and they got to watch him huff and scoff each time you scored points for Tokyo. He probably at least wanted to see you screw up or get injured but instead you did anything but. Effortlessly slaying the released curses while guarding Shoko. 

Every once in a while Naoya swears and grumbles about his team and why the hell they aren’t targeting the two of you harder. After all, if they made a concerted effort they could overwhelm you and get at your healer, right? More than once she’d kept someone from your side in top shape. Yet his team had only tried one at a time to have a go it seemed and there you were each time, keeping Shoko safe. Pride swelled in Satoru and Suguru’s chests. They’d admittedly been worried that what had happened earlier would throw off your focus but instead you seem to have turned those emotions outward and were using them to fight instead of letting them eat at you. 

They even got a bit of a treat near the end, getting to see how well you and Nanami work together in a fight. Him joining you when you reported that the main curse was near your location. Haibara volunteered to stay with Shoko while the two of you engaged it since he needed an injury healed anyway and you didn’t want to give Kyoto the time to take it out by waiting. 

The duel blackflashes at the end from you and Nanami finishing off the curse and winning tokyo the competition was just the cherry on top. The action elicits high fives between Suguru and  Satoru and even a cheer from Yaga which he coughs to cover up. Naoya meanwhile finally having had enough gets up and storms from the room. Gakuganji is forced to get up and follow him to try and make him return since he was only allowed to stay on campus under the condition he remain supervised. Honestly your boyfriends would be snickering at him if they weren’t so focused on what Nanami and you just pulled off. 

The day ends far better than it began. Yaga taking the Tokyo students out to dinner to celebrate the win. Nanami and you, much to your mortification, get special attention in way of an improvised sing-song cheer by Satoru that Haibara joins in on in the restaurant, causing both of you to try and vanish into your seats. Haibara slings an arm around Nanami’s shoulders and Satoru does the same to you, continuing on with their little routine. Despite how you cover your face with your hands to hide from all the eyes focused on you, you’re smiling.

___

And that's where this one ends! I hope it wsn't too rough of a read. I'm just bringing together certain threads i've hopefully established before now. I hope the ending makes up for some of it. I know techinically there is a day two to the exchange event but I don't feel like writing it. Before i decided to have Naoya get kicked from the event i was playing with the idea of him and reader being put against eachother in the 1 v 1 match but I got tired of putting him in the same space as reader... He's an emotionally tolling character for me to write.

The next chapter will be snapshots of the rest of second year (including me planning to show Satoru and Suguru's birthdays) christmas, new years, ect. It'll be a bit disjointed. The chapter will probably literally be called snap shots. After it's it written though we enter the stage of stuff i actually wrote ahead of time and just need to tweak to tie it together better to the rest of the story.

Thank you all for being so patient with me while i got this chapter figured out.

Special thanks once again to @strawberrystepmom for beta reading this for me otherwise i may have scrapped the entire idea of including the exchange event because i was having such a time with this chapter.

Tag list: @nanamikentoseyebags @icy-spicy @biscuitsngravie @sleezzsister @moonsua1 @yuuuumii @yokaimoon @chibiizzy @porridgesblog @suhmie @defacatestenderly @agentdedf1sh @strawberrystepmom

@night-shadowblood-writes2 @missphanosaur18

(Pls have your age in your bio before asking to be added to the tag list. My blog isn't for minors.)

[ahmedmootaz]

Personally, I quite dislike the Dante = X/Ayin theory, in part because of how what (admittedly little) we've seen of their past self acts completely different from him and also because it would make the world seem a lot smaller, yknow?

But I would very much like to see him again, this time talking through the light in a similar way to Carmen. He's a man who spent so much of his time devoting himself to some else's dream, what would he think of what it's become, of what *she's* become during all this time?

With the knowledge gained through his time as X, as well as his insights towards his own self from the other A's as well as his guilt from his actions, I feel as if he's more poised towards becoming a guiding light to others, an alternative from Carmen's overwhelming acceptance of one's current self. Especially as Dante has shown a lack of self esteem and prioritises others over themselves, I think it would do them some good to have a conversation or two with Ayin. With some of their abilities seemingly having a connection with the light (like how they can tell monsters, distortions and abnormalities apart as well as being able to hear the voices of distortions) I do think it's a possibility in the future of Limbus' story - though farther from where we are now.

In the Divine Comedia, there is a part wherein Dante becomes aligned with God's love, and given how A and C are basically God in the light, I believe that at one point or another wherein their goals may align, fighting together for or against something or other.

Sorry for rambling, but to summarise: I feel as if Ayin as a character is one better suited to act as a guiding hand in Limbus rather than going through it all as another blank slate. His current status as one in the light allows for him to act as more of a mentor, which I believe suits him better.

Dear Anonymous,

Yeah, I agree that bringing Ayin back through the same 'twist' of LC would be a tad lame, which is why I do think it would be a much, much better way to say that he's in the Light, but at the same time, part of me wonders if his character can be done justice like that.

I mean, we knew enough about Carmen to realise that she's definitely changed from her pre-Light self, but I simply don't feel we've gotten enough of Ayin on screen, and given how Carmen gets a lot more spotlight than he ever does and yet so far in Limbus her presence, while tangible for sure, is quite muted...Eh, I dunno. It could be the Ayin fan within me clamouring for him to get something more than the 15 minutes of screen time the PMverse gives him so far.

Although part of me does think he'd interact with Dante one way or another...maybe with him being the 'funny voice only the main character can hear' trope to some extent. After all, we know Carmen's voice in the Light is a lot more...eldritch, in a way, referring to her victims and Abnormalities as 'children' and pushing people to Distort...it would be funny if Ayin was just very normal, snarky, and wholly unsupportive in comparison.

-"And there it goes. Your chance to get a Golden Bough. You lost it to a circus of madmen and a woman old enough to be your granny."

="Listen man I'm trying here okay?!"

-"Yeah, guess what, I also tried in life and it didn't stop people from trying to tear me a new one. Man up and take the scorn like you're meant to."

="I got some Golden Boughs before you showed up and started talking in my head, you know?!"

-"Yes, and now I'm wondering if those were flukes."

="Why are you like this?"

-"Do you want an alphabetical list or a numerical one?"

Hehe, thank you for sharing your thoughts, Anon! Until next time, be well, take care, and see ya'!

[nikidanger]

It's kind of insane when you sit back & think about the power of not only thinking something, but also SPEAKING it aloud to a loved one. A little idea with a lot of market research, planning, & thinking outside the box has given me a clear path to making a new dream my reality.

Not even two weeks ago I caught up with my childhood friend Paris (it'd been about 10 years). She she asked me how LA has treated me these past few years & I told her I've done SO much more than 15 year old me could have ever dreamed of -- which is great, but also meant that in that moment I felt like I was in a weird transitional space where I needed to discover new dreams and goals for myself. New things to work towards.

Fast forward to spending this past week visiting my oldest brother & sister-in-law. We were in the kitchen @ their new house talking about life & he was telling me about this MASSIVE business endeavor he's currently working on that will essentially set this already successful genius of a man up to be completely financially free for the rest of his life -- like to the point that his kids kids kids will be more than fine. We discovered he & I are very similar in how we accomplish overwhelming or seemingly insurmountable projects by removing ourselves completely from the thought, "Can I do this?" & just say, "This thing can be done. This, this, & this is how to do it," to get rid of even the smallest inkling of self doubt that might creep in & inhibit the process. After that you just do, get it accomplished, & then look back in hindsight like, *wow I really did that huh?* [LOL]

After discussing his project & discovering another of our strange sibling similarities, I told him about this very vague pipe dream of an idea that I've been sitting on for a few months (which honestly sounds a bit unhinged at first glance). He walked around prepping dinner while he listened attentively, and then when I was finished he stopped & pointed out that not only is the idea not even remotely insane, but he rapid fired off a list of every single professional accomplishment I've achieved & strength I possess that specifically make me suitable to actually pull it off & pull it off WELL.

I immediately removed myself from the "Can I do this" & got to work.

Three days later & I've got a nearly finished business plan complete with revenue models, start up costs, & detailed financial projections.

All of that to say. I've quite officially got a new goal/dream & I guess I'm doing a thing???!???

Holllllly shit I can't believe I'm really doing the thing. Omg....

[emeraldtart]

TWST X Ben 10 (ft. Methanosian/Swampfire!Yuu)

Guess who just get back into Ben 10 brain rot?

So Swampfire!Yuu is a random Methanosian from Undertown. They were just minding their own business one night, when a horse-pulled carriage drove straight towards them.

When they woke up, they're in a dark place. They heard a voice, smelt smoke and thought, 'Oh, good thing I'm fire proof... Wait, I have METHANE GAS in me, shi-'

Needless to say, everyone is alerted by a huge explosion coming from the Mirror Chamber.

Crowley came to the chamber just in time to see something came out of the coffin.

It was a pair of legs, but not for long.

Because right in front of his eyes, the dismembered lower half regenerates a torso, then a pair of arms, and finally a head with red and yellow petals.

The people in Twisted Wonderland better gets used to this fast, because this is going to be a common sight later on.

Somehow, throughout the entire ordeal, the ceremonial robes are alright.

So after the trauma that is seeing an entire alien regenerate their entire body, Crowley asks the Dark Mirror to send Yuu back.

"This soul is a seedling from a world beyond the stars, far from my reach. This soul is not from this world,"

With that being said, Crowley takes Yuu to the library in order to research more about their home.

Crowley: You know, since wherever you came from is not listed in any history books... The only explanation is that you're from another planet,"

Methanosian!Yuu:... Yeah, about that...

After Crowley got past his initial shock and existential crisis of Yuu being an alien FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION AT THAT, he let Yuu lives in Ramshackle until he finds a way to send Yuu back to their home.

Yuu likes Ramshackle. The dead plants and weeds reminded them of their homeworld, Methanos. Which doesn't help their homesickness at all.

Yuu accepts Grim wholeheartedly, since they understand the feeling of being an outcast. Since their species has such a rotten smell (that also got worse when summer comes), not much aliens even like to be near them.

Yuu likes to garden. But every single vegetation is native to Methanos. In other words it's either explosive, flammable, poisonous or a combination of two or more. Apparently they keep the seeds inside their body, which is something.

The only exception is the plants that was given to Yuu by Malleus. Malleus give Yuu exactly one rose, and the next week there was a giant rosebush covering one wall of the Ramshackle Dorm.

Swampfire!Yuu is self-conscious about their smell. They don't have many friends outside of their Methanosian ones because of it.

Although, over time Jack, Ruggie and Leona got over it. It became a background smell of sorts, and after Chapter 3 they no longer mind it.

Unfortunately, Che'nya and Cheka doesn't. The moment Yuu came near them they fainted.

Because of their insane regenerative abilities, Yuu always threw themselves into danger.

The first year squad are unfazed after a while.

So when Yuu was smashed flat by a rubble, and everyone is panicking, they're just chilling because they all knew they will regenerate a few seconds after.

Blooming

And let's not forget about the blooming.

I personally headcanon that when Methanosians blooms, they need more nutrients so that the process become quicker and much less stressful.

They're also much more aggressive when it happens.

Unfortunately, no matter the AU, Yuu is still the prefect. So Crowley still give Yuu work to do even though Yuu already warns him about their blooming coming soon.

When the week rolls in, Yuu became much more snappy and easier to anger.

They've also been eating a lot of meat, to the point that they've been eating Grim's tuna.

They've been skipping class, so Ace, Deuce, Grim, Jack, Epel, Ortho and Sebek tries to find Yuu.

They didn't find where Yuu is. They've searched everywhere.

The greenhouse, Ramshackle, the library. They even checked the other classrooms.

So as the group go to the dining hall to rest before going back on their search, they heard screaming from the hall.

Jack smelt the rotten smell that accompanies Yuu, and lead the group to the kitchen.

Where they saw a group of ghost cooks and fairies trying to stop Yuu from devouring every piece of meat in the kitchen.

Jamil, Leona, Floyd and Ruggie are also there. Leona and Floyd tries to pry Yuu off using brute force, but even though Leona is using his claws Yuu doesn't seem to care.

Jamil is shooting magic at Yuu, hoping they would stop all of this madness. Of course, it doesn't do anything when they could just heal their injuries.

Ruggie used Laugh With Me, but Yuu just uses their vines to grab the meat. And Ruggie can't control those.

Yuu smacked Ruggie with their vines and rush out of the kitchen, yelling about how it isn't enough.

So everyone went to Crowley asking him explain what's going on.

When they find out, they were equal parts confused and equal parts livid.

Confused because all that happened... Is because Yuu is going through some sort of alien puberty?

And livid because Crowley knew and he ignored all the warnings that Yuu put up.

Fortunately, Deuce got an idea on how to solve the problem.

They first went to Scarabia and asks for every single meat available, and laid it out at Ramshackle.

Malleus helps out after he heard what happened.

Malleus: That explains why the Prefect was raiding Diasomnia's pantry this morning.

Leona: Excuse me, they did what?

Turns out Diasomnia's pantry was the first to be raid, to everyone's surprise.

Malleus just let them because he thought its just normal alien behaviour.

At least that saves Diasomnia from Lilia cooking lunch.

Now comes the hard part; Yuu.

Fortunately, they were hungry enough that they willingly chase Ace, Deuce and Grim riding on Jack and Epel and Sebek riding on horseback, a piece of juicy beef in hand as bait.

So the guys all watched from the safety within Ramshackle as Yuu began devouring the meat to their heart (do their species even have one?) content.

And then. They stopped.

And everyone panicked as Yuu's face began to peel off.

It lasted for a very tense half an hour, but they began to move again.

"What happened? Why am I outside?"

Their blooming went without a hitch, and Yuu is back to their senses.

If you didn't count the massive damage they did when they were hangry.

Kalim celebrated Yuu's 'coming of age' with a barbecue, since there's still leftover meat outside.

Yuu thoroughly apologise later on for what they've done.

[raynewton]

The new Reader has a few problems to solve with the Triumvirate

Volfred: So, today is your first Rite with your new Reader. I'll try to make the connection as gently as possible, but please don't be offended if it's a little less painless than you'd like.

Voice: No Reader can help them! This Triumvirate of cretins is hopeless in every way! One is like a fly in milk, another extinguish the flame on 15 coals in a plunge, the third is afraid of the Orb!

Volfred: Archjustice, I urge you to return to your direct duties!

*one lost Rite later*

Oralech: What, Erisa screw your advices, and you come to me?

Volfred: Reader must train companions. I want to find out your weaknesses and strengths first.

Oralech: I think Brighton's given you a pretty good picture already.

Volfred: When I'm free, the first thing I'll do is go to him and talk to him about his reading impotence. He should be buried up to his neck in the ground for repeatedly sending a man with a banishment sickness to the Rites. It's a miracle Erisa didn't lose her mind.

Oralech: We had no choice! And Erisa wouldn't give up her place to anyone!

Volfred: She already did. I've suspended her from the Rites for the next cycle so she can rest and regain her strength. Untill she does, you and Ti'zo will have to work twice as hard. Let's go.

*in the Beyonder Crystal*

Volfred: I asked lady Sandra to give us time to practice. She even graciously agreed not to comment on the process. Let's get started. At the last Rite I noticed the following: you are agile, you have good reactions, you are quick-witted and not afraid to take risks. But...

Oralech: But I have trouble judging the distance to objects, so I'm always jumping over the Pyre or throwing the Orb past it. My aura is weak, my aim is non-existent, and I don't even have Glory to speak of...

Volfred: I'd hazard a guess that Brighton did a lot of debriefing.

Oralech: Aye. Every time I jump into the Pyre, I have this information flashing before my eyes.

Volfred: Stars, getting the Triumvirate to this state of mind is a skill.

Oralech: Brighton was all business. Without all the sugarcoating, but honest.

Volfred: I'm not accusing your old Reader now. This isn't about him, it's about you. As far as I can see, listing your sins honestly doesn't make things any better.

Oralech: Nothing make it better! Nothing at all! As much as I've practiced throwing things at a target...

Volfred: So it's not about quantity, it's about quality.

Oralech: How's that?

Volfred: Take a deep breath. Breathe out. That's it. Now, please listen to my observations and insights. Your main weakness is your extremely low Glory. I can say with certainty that the "Scribes' hatred" that Erisa spoke of at the Rite has nothing to do with it. I suppose a lingering lack of self-confidence. It's interfering with your connection to the stars. So you need something to help you feel confident.

Oralech: How do you imagine that? Should I jump into the Pyre with Ti'zo in my hands? Or, let me guess, with a bunch of herbs around my neck?

Volfred: I think there's an easier way. When you pet Ti'zo, when you gather plants, when you go scouting - what do you do?

Oralech: Uh... thinking about how best to organize it?

Volfred: What else?

Oralech: I don't know. Didn't pay attention.

Volfred: Tariq noticed and told me. You're singing.

Oralech: What?!

Volfred: Singing. You purr softly and move to the rhythm, walk to the march. Ti'zo says because of you he can remember "Song of the Battle Scribes" from anywhere in the middle of the night.

Oralech: *blushing*

Volfred: You can use your voice in the Rites, too. A battle cry, for example. Shout it before you plunge into the flame, and your glory'll rise, no doubt about it.

Oralech: I... I'll try it.

Volfred: Right now. Lady Sandra, we are ready for the training Rite!

*brazen manner skill learned*

[literaticat]

On the NYT best seller list for children's series, the first Harry Potter and Percy Jackson books are perennial. At least they have been for the past couple of years I've been checking! Each with more than 700 weeks on the list and at the writing of my question they're at #4 and #2 respectively. 

Is it just my imagination, or are there few if any perennial middle grade book series starring female protagonists?? Add to that POC and nonbinary perennial series..

Omg this sucks..

I am going to tell you something you aren't going to like. Please know that this is not ME saying this, OK, this is like, literally a hundred years worth of "in the know" people -- including librarians, educators, publishing experts, yada yada! -- I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE THAT THIS IS TRUE but this is "The Thing Expert People Always Say" ok you canNOT get mad at me. Here goes:

"Boys won't read books about girls - Girls will read books about anything."

This is basically a MANTRA for people, I've heard this for as long as I've been in the book world, which is like, 30+ years, and I'm sure they've been saying it for many many generations before that. It's just accepted wisdom.

This is why, for example, school reading lists have traditionally skewed so heavily "boy" (I well remember the pain of slogging through Red Badge of Courage, Hemingway, and on and on. PUKE.)

This is why the "formula" for a successful MG book series has been seen to be a boy-and-girl pair, or a group of friends of different types, heavily featuring a boy.

Again -- is this TRUE? Well, kinda, but also, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Parents TELL their boy children when they are little that "such-and-such is too girly" or "put that down, that's for girls" -- I hear them at the bookstore saying this shit ALL THE TIME, voices absolutely DRIPPING with disdain. Little wonder then that, by the time they are middle graders, the boys don't want to be seen reading something "girl coded."

MEANWHILE, the girls might well prefer to read books about, well, GIRLS*** rather than gross dudes doing war or whatever -- but since they often aren't given the opportunity to do so at school, and they also want to read whatever the big popular series are, they do end up reading all the "Boy Stuff" AS WELL AS "the girly stuff". (Typical that the girls have to do twice as much just to keep up, grrrr). Again, self-fulfilling prophecy.

SIGH.

I don't know how to resolve this, except to eliminate hundreds of years worth of ingrained societal misogyny and raise the next generation of boys to embrace Girl Stuff?

So. Yeah. It's not your imagination at all -- that's why you do see this "formula" in Big Fantasy Series. IF there is a fantasy series that is mega-huge-huge bestseller that ISN't starring a boy, it will probably be starring a group of kids that include boys heavily, OR, it'll be about animals (WARRIORS, WINGS OF FIRE.)

The recent exceptions I can think of: The KEEPER OF THE LOST CITIES series has a girl star and is popular with all kids -- however she is pictured with at least one boy of equal stature on every cover. So I guess this counts as "a group of kids that includes boys heavily."

The AMARI series has a Black girl star and has been popular with all kids -- but since there are only two of them out so far, it remains to be seen if that can have the kind of sticky Perennial Quality these other series have. (And you'll also note that, while book one had Amari front and center with no other kids, it had "brothers" in the title -- and the second and third cover have boys in the background, sooo... they gotta worm boys in there somehow lol.)

--

*** (Human girl-centric books tend to be realistic rather than action / fantasy. (Again,we can unpack why that is, girls are encouraged to talk about real things / emotions / friendship / whatever? IDK) MG series that fall into this Perennially Popular category would be: Babysitters Club (was HUGE huge back in the day, and is HUGE again in GN format) -- Sweet Valley -- (same, was HUGE back in the day, is re-surging in popularity in GN format). Nancy Drew? (Obvs was from the early-mid 1900s but still was a world-changing "girl starring series" and I could see a reboot blowing up again.) And arguably the Raina GN, not really a "series" in the traditional sense but kind of packaged like a series, and VERY popular and perennial, I'd say!

[the1975attheirverybest]

hes just being messy, he was with meredith in la last wednesday and then now is like very public with gab. i actually feel pretty bad for meredith, the unfollow makes me think she thought they were more serious than they were. i dont think dating casually is a crime but all parties should at least be on the same page 😕 (no need to post this just telling you)

I’m very confused by all this and I guess y’all really don’t understand boundaries, respect, or consent. But since I’ve deleted just about 40 asks about this in the past 48 hours or so, fine. I guess we are talking about this. (Not directed at you alone or anything just my general feelings on the subject and on the fandom.) you wanna talk about Matty’s love life? Let’s talk about it.

Matty is 34 years old. Which means he’s well above the legal age of consent and, yeah, god help him, as a cis straight man, he do be acting like an absolute child sometimes, BUT it’s his life. His decisions to make.

From everything that we know about him, and especially after the ENTIRE FUCKIN WORLD turned against him over the summer, he is a lot more kind, compassionate, smart, self-aware, gentle, and pure-hearted than anyone’s ever given him credit for. Even his own fans. Say what you will about Matty Healy, but if it were me, in his shoes, I’d feel more than entitled to be Turner bitter towards the public what with the way we all (yes, we, as his fans too) have been treating him. But NOPE. Matty is a way bigger person than most of us. He didn’t say a damn thing. He kept his mouth shut and his head down and he did what he needed to do, he never let any of it deter him from being vulnerable and honest with us and putting on the best fuckin show that he could possible put on every fuckin night.

If that doesn’t earn him the benefit of the doubt then I don’t know what will.

I’m not sure why or when some of us have decided that it is our place to observe what goes on in his love life, to monitor his following/followers lists, to draw conclusions based on those numbers, or to consume public glimpses of his interior life as if it’s some tv show or movie or reality tv, even when those images are taken without his consent, and decide Meredith is not “marriage material” or Gabriette has “an aesthetic that I can finally get behind” (which, by the way, is a very sexist and disgusting thing to say about them as well as Matty, but I guess this fandom is hypocritical and will turn against its own values as soon as Matty Healy’s dick is involved), but at some point apparently that happened and we started to treat him as less than human.

Fine, fine, I’ll even give you that much. Be sexist. Be judgmental and creepy and all up his ass. But to do all that and then “feel sorry for Meredith” call him a “mess”??? When you LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM?!!!!! How do know she thought it was more serious than it is??? Were you there??? Since we’re making judgements and assumptions based on the tiny fragments that we see, I’m gonna go ahead and make a judgment of my own and say since I didn’t see you in the middle holding one of his hands and one of hers, then you weren’t there. So why do you feel qualified to talk about what he may or may not have done??? Do you know him? Is he your bestie???? Did he confide in you??? Hmm? Fuckin tell me!!!!

To summarize: he’s a form of entertainment to you. You don’t care about his boundaries. And you have such a low opinion of him that (despite him proving in what is objectively one of the worst things to happen to a public figure, that he’s endlessly graceful and kind) you will comfortably assume the worst of him without A SHRED OF ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING EVIDENCE. So….why are you a fan? Hmm? Why do you feel comfortable supporting someone you think so little or and have no respect for as a human being?

If any of you really think “he deserve love” and “he deserves companionship.” Then you’d shut the fuck up, stop engaging with content that commodities and dehumanizes him, and mind your fuckin business for fucks sakes.

I mean, how would you like it if, based on a 7 second story on Instagram, or a tweet you made about your personal life or whatever, I (somehow who knows absolutely nothing about you) came up to you and was like “omg I noticed so and so has unfollowed you. Then two days later you posted a pic with this other person. You must have really crushed someone’s heart and led them on making them believe you were more serious than you actually were. And now you’re using this other person who appeared in a picture with you. That is concerning behavior my friend.” If you’re okay with me doing that to you then you and I must live wildly different realities.

[quinnick]

Byler Fanfic Recs

This post has been a long time coming and got jumpstarted by seeing @buck-yyyy

This list will have a break down of any tw content, set up for what to expect, side ships, and anything you may find in the tags. I also am basis towards my friends so I have limited myself to one fic from any given writer but in the future I may make rec lists with specific types of fics but for now this is just random. Also want to say, this will be from a readers stand point for readers but I also write so full disclosure. You can find all my fics in my pinned post if you are interested

Last but not least (before we begin), please please leave a kudo on the fic if you enjoyed it. And if it is your favorite thing ever, leave a comment or bookmark

Okay, without further-a-do, the list

Things I Can't Say by Chiquitablanquita

Warning for underage drinking Your classic sketchbook notebook swap with love confessions in every page. This fic is unique in the way it presents itself with majority of it’s chapters being poems. This fic is Byler focused with only mentions or references to past El/Mike. this is a first kiss and pre-relationship fic. Gay pining is everywhere in this fic and miscommunication is a big thing to. But if you are a byler who hates miscommunication... idk what to tell you (/lh) this fic is completed and is 15 chapters. Only  6470 so it’s easy to get through

Hold My Breath As I Wish For Death by LadyLillyGray

Warning for discussion of and references to suicidal ideation and self harm. Also references to canon homophobia

Will finds out about the stunt Mike pulled at the quarry in s1. It’s mostly just Will and Mike talking and sharing their feelings and I do like a good old fashion discussion fic. This is pre-relationship and first kiss. Also a Byler focused fic and other characters show up for like 5 seconds. hurt/comfort leaning on past hurt and a lot of comfort. Still has angst though. it’s just a one-shot with only 1,540 making it a light read. A good bed time story honestly

But Boys Don’t Cry, Right? by heyits_L

Warning for reference to suicidal ideation (in reference to the quarry scene again), No happy ending, major character death

A poetic listing of all the terrible things that happen in Mikes life. This fic utilizes a poetic rhythm and stanza based writing to tell a snappy story. This is a heavy angst fic with no happy ending. Short description for a short fic. it’s a one-shot with only  787 words so it is a very quick read. Not a bed time story. Unless you like heavy angst before bed I guess.

lying on the floor (typing your name into the internet) by andiwriteordie

Will thinks the barista at the coffee shop is cute but also he may have a major crush on his online bestfriend. This a AU with no UD stuff and technically a coffee shop AU. not super big part of the fic. Focused mainly on Byler but with background Elumax. This is a kind of meta fic but it is so fluffy and just super cute. There isn’t a ton to say other then that I love it. It’s a one-shot with  6252 but it’s a super light breezy read. 

What do you do now, Will the Wise? by RainbowNixie

The party plays DnD and Mike (who is DM) is doing all in his power to get the paladin and cleric to flirt. This is a cute little DnD fic that’s pre-relationship and first kiss. They are just cringefail losers the whole time and it’s stellar. It’s a lot of flirting and a lot of tension building. It is a one-shot with 11534. It’s a nice bed time story if you can read fast or want a long story. 

This is just a few for right now but tell me if anyone is interested in more of these lists ! And please make your own fic rec lists !! Always support writers and share fics you like. Feel free to send me your fav fics via ask as I am always looking for suggestions. I wouldn't add onto this post with more recs but would encourage you take make your own so those fics can circle around the tag and not just your dash. Have a lovely day

[outeremissary]

3 and 4 from the ask list? or any that'd you'd be excited to answer?

Thank you Alistair!!! I have done my best but this has made me remember I am. Highly incoherent trying to explain why music sticks to things in my brain. I hope. Something gets through here.

[prompt list]

This went under a cut because I, writing this late at night, also got out of control wordy. Not my best stringing thoughts together

3) What song describes your OC?

I have many ungodly OC playlists but because this is dealer's choice I need to show you the song that has been RUINING MY LIFE over Kasander for the past week and a half, the week and a half it has been out there, sorry

(if the spotify thing turns out fucked up sorry I'm not fixing it I do Not understand that website)

At the very least, paladin DUrge is clear cut here I think. Kasander has this bright spark of hope to them, this optimism about the world and joy in existing in it, that's constantly at war with the reality that they actually exist in- the skin they live in, the person they are.

You can see it. It is clear.

The song just conveys a whole arc (which is of course for the character of Don Quixote, amnesiac vampire, in the game it's actually from) that for me really really maps onto Kasander's over the course of BG3. Especially recovering the understanding of their actual reality, because Kasander starts the game certain from what little information they have that they are a paladin and must be a Hero and a Good Person and it does break them a little to know that they were the furthest thing from that and parts of them still cling to that existence. But there's also that movement towards acceptance, assimilating the harsh truth and still maintaining a sense of identity. And this repeated line near the end stands out to me as well.

To me the real character breakthrough they have post-amnesia isn't really that they become a Good Person, it's that for the first time in their life they become able to see themself in their entirety, with all their conflicting desires and experiences. There are parts of them they don't understand and which frighten them, and also some of those initially incomprehensible parts have given them the ability to move forward in a life of hardship. Asperia could never accept those paradoxes, was too afraid of them to begin to untangle them. And that's why Asperia could never see herself completely- it was too terrifying to imagine that a part of him was "Kasander" and held so many forbidden desires and urges. To see themself and embrace themself- the parts of them that are Kasander, that are Asperia, that are neither- that's the self-actualization baby!!!!!! Or the beginning, at least. This is such a waving my hands wildly Understand My Vision but like. Understand my vision. If you do not know Kasander that's okay the song is perfect it all makes sense here just listen to the song it will all be clear

(kas quixote to back my words)

4) What song describes your OC and their partner/love interest?

Okay back to Kingmaker. Although Sarenrae it's hard to actually narrow this down because 1) the playlist is Long and 2) in 2020 it seemed like a great idea to organize it chronologically and that makes it Weird to pick out any one thing as the Definitive Song. Genius move, past me.

Anyway this might be an Insane Pick vibes wise out of everything but it's a good one for pulling lyrics without having to endlessly contextualize in timeline

yes I know it's seven minutes long.

*points* understand my vision. you know. it's like. you know.

But more importantly, this chorus

Like there's really a big like. Core of it to me. That they aren't really alike in a lot of ways, but that they kind of come to see each other and for each to understand the precarious position the other stands in. The unbalanced sense of self, the pull of so many obligations, so many masks. And I guess to me there's something very precious about having someone who releases you from the obligation to have the right desires, even if you don't share them.

I guess a lot of that also comes to my read on Tristian, which I know not everyone shares- I see Tristian as strongly driven by a need to align sense of ideal self with actual self. As we meet them, Tristian is a failed angel in the most literal sense, having lost their supernatural status entirely. But like... before that, Tristian still had a sense of needing to be someone/being owed recognition as something that they were not. The desire for recognition as an exceptional person and as a hero and as something above their station- it's both striving higher than they stood and also sinking beneath what they're meant to be, because that hubris has an impurity to it. Being an angel, being an angel in a particular way, feeling like they exist in the world wrong, and then having that snatched away again and being confronted with the starkest ways they fail to exist as an "angel" in any way.... I'm compelled by the way humanity clings to Tristian. Human ambitions, human follies, human failures, human desperations for safety and glory and acknowledgement. The release from the need to pretend at humanity or to exist as a perfect angel. That's what I mean.

I feel like I do so much Balthazar posting that the opposite is probably pretty obvious, but like- and this is some story arc thing- also in reverse, the understanding that Balthazar is not, never has been, and does not desire to be an angel, something that many people have refused to see in him. That he clings desperately to what is petty and mortal and flawed in himself and makes a shield out of his ugliest pieces, and also that the need to define himself against his heritage has slowly carved away at what he feels he can be, whether he realizes it or not. He has a brightness that's his own, a vivacity that peeks through the layers of performance and sometimes makes them real. And there's not any reason to change to nurture that. It's always there, it's always been there. It just goes unseen.

Anyway this stuff about hidden pieces and the public eye vs. the private self, this is what I mean with it. The not changing. Not becoming someone else. That it's enough to see and accept and see again. Thumbs up

I was going to put a more fun and tonally appropriate song at the end as the extra thing but actually I saw this out of the corner of my eye and needed to be Deeply Unserious instead

This is. Not representative of the playlist I think. Good god

[a-trick-or-two-with-lepers]

Ranking My Favorite Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) Songs

Twenty-two songs. Five hours. One helpless, JCS-obsessed tumblr user who has so many other things they could be doing with their time. Get ready!

Disclaimers: I'm going to try to base my ranking on the soundtrack alone, but for some numbers, I really can't separate the song from the visuals. I won't be including "The Crucifixion" or "John 19:41," since those don't really count imo. The former, I will say, has some of my favorite chaos jazz that's ever been produced, so I'll give it that. Also! I LOVE this musical, and I LOVE this movie. Even the lowest songs have made it onto my playlists once or twice. So if I bash your fav, don't be too offended <3

22. Peter’s Denial - This one is really only low on the list because of how short it is. All things considered, I really like that funky little intro. Also, I think Mary, Peter, and whoever that third guy in the scene is with them (John??) would make a good throuple YEAH I SAID IT.  

21. Hosanna - I don’t know why I’m putting this one so low, either. It’s very fun and pleasant to listen to, and it’s got some great ensemble work, which is always something I jive with. I guess it’s just not as captivating to me as some of the other songs in this film. I actually like some other versions of this song better than the 1973 one (!!) Nevertheless, this song is genuinely really good and it shows that, hey, Jesus can smile! 

20. Then we are Decided - This is the only production of the musical I’m aware of that contains this song. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it’s a great song. I don’t know if ALW+Tim Rice are physically capable of collaboratively making a bad song. Also, I love Bob Bingham and Kurt Yaghjians’ voices, so anytime I get to hear them, I’m happy. On the other hand, I can see why this one was taken out of most productions. It wasn’t in the original concept album, and it kind of breaks up the story. It does provide extra context for Caiaphas’s motivation, but it doesn’t say much that isn’t reiterated in “This Jesus Must Die.” There just really isn’t a place for it in most productions, which is such a shame. At least we got this amazing screengrab out of it. Annas, you creepy little shit, I love you.

19. Pilate’s Dream - It took me far too long to recognize that this is the same song as the second part of “Poor Jerusalem,” which is funny given that they are right next to each other in the movie. I love the acoustic guitar in this one, and Barry Dennen is seriously one of the most subtly expressive actors I’ve seen. You could watch this scene 1,000 times and still be picking up new context on your 1,001st viewing. As far as the song goes, it’s a very nice introduction to Pilate’s character. Also, I think that discordant “Pilate” the chorus sings at the end doesn’t get enough praise.

18. King Herod’s Song - First of all, the way this scene just. 1) Inserts itself into the film 2) Refuses to elaborate 3) Leaves. I love it. I love how uncomfortable Herod’s whisper singing makes me, I love his campy friends, everything about this scene is amazing. It’s an absolute 180 in terms of tone, but I kind of love it for that.

17. I Don’t Know How to Love Him - I find it interesting that the most popular song from this soundtrack is also what many consider to be the most boring. Personally, I find the song very beautiful and fascinating, but I can see why it’s skippable for some. I’m just a massive fan of Yvonne Elliman. I think the only people that have come close to her version are Helen Reddy and Sara Bareilles. Also, I like to read this song as someone rediscovering their own self-worth through love after experiencing trauma from past relationships, which I think is a very relatable struggle.

16. Pilate and Christ - Pilate is just. So sassy. What’s most impressive about this performance is that Barry Dennen considered himself an actor first and a singer second. His acting is certainly spot-on, but his singing is pretty fantastic as well! The tension between Pilate and Jesus in this scene almost rivals that of Jesus and Judas… almost.

15. Overture - An overture is meant to provide the audience with a bit of musical context for what they’re about to hear. This piece does a very good job at that. The electric guitars immediately invoke intrigue- then the horns come in, then the strings and percussion get going, and at this point, any viewer of this film would be hard-pressed not to be at least a little excited. Then the “Heaven on Their Minds” riff starts, and I, for one, was instantly hooked. I especially like the violin bit near the end. The chorus wordlessly mimicking what will be Judas’ sung betrayal is chilling. The whole thing is a beautiful combination of rock music and traditional broadway styling, which is a good description of the rock opera in general. 

14. The Arrest - I really like the leitmotif that is used whenever Jesus is overwhelmed by a crowd. It was used with the temple-goers, the lepers, and now with his own people that have turned against him (and some who cautiously maintain their support for him). Also, like Matt Berry said, the “Now we have him, now we’ve got him” bit of the song is pretty bone-chilling. 

13. Could We Start Again Please? - I really like this song. I know it wasn’t in the original concept album, but its placement actually makes sense, and Ms. Elliman, naturally, sounds heavenly. The melody of this song is really nice, and it doesn’t sound at all out of place in the movie. 

12. What’s the Buzz/Strange Thing Mystifying - This is one of those songs that’s hard not to move around to. It’s just so much fun! It also is Jesus’s first physical and vocal appearance, and WOW. Neeley is a truly underrated 70s rock singer. His voice is impeccably strong and gorgeous. He’s somehow been criticized for this role (mostly by angry Catholics) for being too untouchable and emotionless. I just can’t agree with that. Did any of those reviewers even listen to the movie they were watching? Neeley’s far-off gaze is not something he can change, and I for one think it adds to the character. He provides what I think is the best portrayal of Jesus Christ in any production of JCS. Besides that, the ensemble is doing great here, too! I promised not to get too involved in the visuals for this ranking, but I have to mention the movements in this scene. The apostles and women are just so jumpy and full of energy. It really makes the scene fun to watch. And Mary! I’m a long-time fan of Yvonne Elliman, and she was the only person I knew of beforehand going into this film. Her voice is so mature and unique, which is perfect for the role of Mary. She was the initial performer of this role in the concept album, the broadway show, and the film, and it shows. This role belongs to her. Obviously, it’s a bit annoying that we got yet another portrayal of Mary as an ex-sex-worker, but if we got “Strange Thing Mystifying” out of it, I can’t be too mad. Judas really gives off jealous bitch vibes here, but he does make some good points.

11. Everything’s Alright - Oh Yvonne, who allowed you to steal my heart? Seriously, she sounds so, so lovely in this song. This song is so calming. It uses a 5/4 time signature, which gives it distinction. The contrast between the cool comfort of Mary’s voice and the angsty gravel of Judas’ voice is very striking. Both Judas and Jesus hit some insanely difficult belts here, and they do so flawlessly. This scene also expands on the relationship between Judas and Jesus, which is jam-packed with not-entirely-heterosexual intensity. As the chorus repeats the titular line at the end with increasing volume and intensity, we get the distinct impression that everything is, in fact, not alright.

10. The Last Supper - I could go either way on the apostle’s part. It’s good, and it has some good harmonies in the latter parts, and it also reminds me of John Denver somehow? Anyway, the mellow gold aesthetic is one of my favs, but that’s not why I love this song. The absolute release of tension that is the fight between Jesus and Judas is captivating. My head moves as if I’m watching a heated tennis match when these two get going. I’ve seen versions of their interaction that just don’t go well on stage because the parts require so much energy and intensity, and sometimes they have this, but it just doesn’t sound good. But since this is a film, we can be confident that we are seeing and hearing the best takes from the actors. In this version, I can feel the heat between J and J, but they also sound fucking amazing while arguing. Their final interaction tugs at my heart. And these two actors portray their relationship with such authenticity that it’s almost hard to watch any other version without holding this up as the standard. Also, fun fact: they separate at exactly 1 hour into the film.

9. This Jesus Must Die - I have a big crush on both Caiaphas and Annas. Their voices just mesh so well together; Annas has these Al Stewart-like whimsical vocals, and Caiaphas has this deep, sexy growl. (I have a raging hard-on for good bass voices if you couldn’t tell). They sometimes put baritone singers in this role, which just doesn’t really work. This part needs a man who sounds like he just came out of the black lagoon and desperately needs a drink. Along with how it sounds, the lyrics of this song are super clever. The “Jesus is Cool” line is an inside joke in the community- they removed it from many popular productions, which is disappointing as hell. It’s one of the best lines in the song! Anyway, as far as “villain” songs go, this one is top-tier for sure.

8. Damned for all Time/Blood Money - I love me some good Judas angst. But in all seriousness, this song is ridiculously hard to sing. It would be enough with the sheer number of words sung in quick succession, but it is also written in a pretty high register. I, as a female alto, struggle to comfortably reach some of the notes, but Carl Anderson, of course, does it flawlessly. Of course, I’m also obsessed with Caiaphas and Annas, so any song they’re in makes me kick my feet like a schoolgirl. This scene, being the turning point in the show, makes its mark and has impeccable pacing for such a chaotic number.

7. Judas’ Death - Carl Anderson is a performer. I felt everything Judas felt in this scene. His reprise of “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” is impossible to look away from or tune out. When I first watched this scene, I didn’t know Judas was going to reprise the fucking love ballad. My jaw was on the floor the whole time. Other actors sometimes make this part sound ugly and raw, which is fine, but emotion can be portrayed while singing while still sounding good. That’s what really gets me about this version. You can feel the raw emotion, and yet you can’t deny how good the singing is. I also didn’t know Judas was going to straight up hang himself, and that kind of shocked me. To think this movie was rated G back in the day! 

6. Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem - Oh man. I’ve gotta be careful here if I want to keep my ranking based on sounds alone, cause this scene is just visually AMAZING. I might make a post about how much I adore this scene- the choreography, the craftsmanship, the absolutely iconic shots, the goofy ass freeze frames- I just love it all so much. The song is nothing to sneeze at, either. It feels like something you’d hear in one of those fun-loving, joyful churches that promote same-sex marriage. Larry Marshall has such a cool voice; you can tell he really put his all into it. Apparently, he initially tried to reign it in so as to respect the source material, but Norman Jewison just told him to go all out. So that’s what he did. It makes for a damn good number. As for “Poor Jerusalem,” I love hearing Ted Neeley’s softer voice. When he reaches into his falsetto, it sends shivers up my spine. 

5. The Temple - I love a good ⅞ song. Additionally, I love a good ensemble song. In addition to that addition, I love seeing Jesus go off and flip tables and shit. But that’s not why this one is so high on my list. This song skyrockets up my personal ranking due to what happens between the temple and the leper scenes, when Neeley scream-sings “MY TEMPLE SHOULD BE A HOUSE OF PRAYER, BUT YOU HAVE MADE IT A DEN OF THIEVES! GET OUT! GET OUT!” I get actual chills every time I listen to him do that. I also really like the way the leper scene ramps up musically. It starts off slow and creepy, and ends in a wholly claustrophobic panic-inducing chant. The harmonies are also very pleasing. 

4. Trial Before Pilate - This song is a masterclass in rock opera composition. Barry Dennen’s performance is absolutely, without a doubt, the most incredible embodiment of this role that I’ve seen. Pilate’s songs were essentially made for him, because like Ms. Elliman, he was the first to play his respective role. I genuinely don’t know how he was able to perform Pilate night after night on tour, because this role is supremely demanding vocally. You can tell he is a professional, though, because you can’t just scream at the top of your lungs every night without good technique. I could say a lot more about this one, but I’ll save that for another time.

3. Superstar - I really wish the little guitar intro was kept in future versions of this song. (How many times can I talk about guitar intros in this ranking??) This song is SO! MUCH! FUN! I have to take a second to talk about the cinematography in this scene… it’s really something else. It mayyyy have influenced the ranking, just a bit. Nonetheless, it’s Carl Anderson singing, so of course, this song sounds stupendous. He hits those high notes like it’s nothing. Also, I have to say: this number is very clearly directly influenced by motown-style music, and hearing a black man singing it just feels right. In fact, rock as a genre can be traced back to music created and sustained by black folks. It makes sense that my favorite versions of this musical involve diverse casts. Anyway, I really like this song because of how direct it is with its message. It’s not only Judas asking these things of Jesus, but us as the audience. Why would he put himself in such a bad position? How could he let it get this out of hand? Did he lose his message along the way? Contemplative shit like that set to a 70’s disco dance scene has me losing my mind, and I’m absolutely in love with it.

2. Gethsemane - I was considering putting this song lower, both to piss off my discord friends and because I genuinely enjoy listening to other songs from this soundtrack more, but I just had to give it a high-ranking spot. By this point you must be well aware of my love for Ted Neeley and his rock-god voice, but he really, truly steps it up here. It says a lot that he is still able to perform this song at almost 80 years old. He cares about what he’s doing. A lot. And while I’m not religious, some of my favorite music comes from religious people simply because they believe they are singing for something bigger than themselves. I strive to achieve that passion with my own voice and music, and I believe it can be done without a connection to a higher being. You just have to trust your own voice and focus on your message/role, and Mr. Neeley does not fail on this front. All of this, and he hits the g5 note perfectly. He seriously sounds so goddamn amazing and I’m tired of people saying he’s overrated. Give this man the respect he deserves.

1. Heaven on Their Minds - I could gush about Carl Anderson’s performance of this song for hours, and I mean HOURS. Not only does he completely embody the role of Judas, but he sounds damn good while doing it. He combines this gravelly rasp with clean, clear notes, and every belt is perfectly executed. The agonized fade-out at the end is not something that’s really possible on-stage, so I appreciate it all the more in the movie. This was the first song in the musical that I saw in full, and it’s really what started my obsession. Even though HOTM is a nearly perfect musical theater/rock song, it was Mr. Anderson’s performance of it that got to me.  To me, he IS Judas whenever he’s on screen. His voice is just… spectacular. Additionally, as an agnostic person, the lyrics in this song really resonate with me. “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” instantly became one of my favorite lines in musical theater upon first listen. Like I said, I could go on and on about this one, so I’ll just go ahead and stop myself here.

FINALLY! DONE! Whoo, that took much longer than expected (probably because I kept getting distracted) but I had a lot of fun making it. Lemme know your thoughts/opinions/insults/threats in the comments/reblogs/tags <3