#i guess knowing that stops me from doing anything because i think that the only thing im allowed/forced to do is make things worthy
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OooHOOOHOO
Man
Copy pasting my thoughts from my ramble at the friend who showed this post to me because I'm satisfied with the way I put them. Spoiler warning for wof arc 1 below
How does this work? Does she know the prophecy is fake from the moment Morrowseer visits the cave to observe the dragonets? Maybe he wasn’t thinking about it well enough for her to realize he doesn’t believe the prophecy - “hmmm…. This one isn’t good enough. This one will work better. This one will accomplish the need very effectively-” could all be interpreted as someone who doesn’t trust in fate to do it’s own work. Maybe this annoys her, but the truth doesn’t register.
Or does she deny obvious “lol this thing isn’t real” thoughts with the certainty that he’s wrong. And maybe she hates him because of it right off the bat - though she might not tell the others exactly why beyond a potential cryptic “he doesn’t even know what he’s talking about!” To which she gets the average response of “lol alright Sunny. Anyway I want to punt him into the sky because he hates Glory” - !!! Right - iirc, Morrowseer tells the guardians to kill her, but to the side where the dod don’t hear him. (Can’t check atm cause cat on lap). Maybe Sunny gets all bolt-upright-shock at a certain point and starts frantically trying to convince everyone that Glory is in danger the second he leaves, before anything is overheard. They maybe think she’s overreacting, that of course he hates me Sunny I’m a rainwing and yeah but they wouldn’t go that far haha - but eventually the conversation is overheard and they all realize the truth and the escape kicks off (with the difference of Sunny being in on it this time - unless they maybe still think she might accidentally let something slip).
Also - the moment in the tunnel with Morrowseer fits a little too well to change at all. He opens his mouth to gloat, to tell them all the truth, and no, no, no! She’s pleading for him to stop before he speaks a word because she knows, she knows, and maybe she always has, maybe she should have seen it sooner but it’s the only hope the others have, the only reason they’re still trying and she can’t let them lose it. She can’t lose it. She can’t lose them.
Oh! Also - does she tell the rest of the dod? Probably not, I’d guess. Starflight would be crushed. As far as they all know till the last book, she’s just a weird SandWing. Not only did Starflight fail to have any powers, but she got both. Maybe she tried to tell them before it occurred to her that it might hurt him, but no one believed her. She’s just supposedly really good at picking up on stuff. Can’t hide anything from her.
Also - mindreading and foresight would only feed into the hyper-empathy. She’s so worried about everyone all the time because she can hear their pain, she knows what they’re worried about, she can hear their hopes and dreams and she can see the fates everyone tumbles through. When the dod eventually find out about her powers, I can see Tsunami probably saying something along the lines of “hey, if you can see in everyone’s heads, why did you still trust the guardians so much? Why do you still care about them? Why do you still want to help everyone when everyone is trying to KILL US!??” To which she simply responds that that is the reason.
thrice-moonborn sunny :)
#wof sunny#wof au#wof fanart#oooooooo#I don't know if op had a story in mind and don't mean to overrun it if so#will check in a moment#BEAUTIFUL ART THOUGH#also reminds me of my WOF TMA au…#edit: WAIT THIS WAS POSTED ON MY BIRTHDAY??#truly fortuitous
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He Brings Me Flowers: (Sex Pollen/Logan) Part Two
Guess who finished this finally??? IT TWAS ME
Included is a lot of smut, some angst because of who I am as a person, after care, and snacks. Mostly it's smut though.
Lowkey could be in honor Deadpool and Wolverine being out on Disney+ today, but that's a coincidence I swear.
Hope you enjoy!
Part One
[Logan List]
[Masterlist]
Tagging all these lovely people who lowkey helped make this happen simply by telling me they wanted more
@katsukis1wife
@gothamnighthawk
@emotrash1
@squishyfruitloop
@angeiulst
@unitedbyfreak
@chubbyhedgehog
@jessie-baby-96
Anywho, at 9433 words (I am not sorry)
My body was on fire.
I tried to breathe through it, to keep whatever madness that wanted to consume me away. I couldn’t let it consume me. I shuffled in my seat, trying to put out the flames but it mostly just shifted them around.
I had to get us home.
By the time I landed the jet at the mansion, I figured I must have lost two to three years off my life from exertion alone. Holding even one person for so long took a toll on me, and since I refused to practice the skill, holding all five of them was basically me deciding to run a marathon when I hadn’t run so much as a mile in years.
Not to mention the angry gnawing that had picked up in my center that demanded I let Logan do what he had been aiming to do to me. At some point during the flight, he had shifted in my hold, trying to break free again. But all he managed to do was flop over and land with his face on my boot.
Luckily, he stopped fighting once he was using my foot as a pillow, perhaps the contact contented him for now. Unluckily, I could feel the warmth of him against me, even through leather, and the gnawing just grew sharper and sharper until I was softly moaning to myself, pretending that rubbing myself on the seat did anything to ease the fire.
But I was in no state to care by the time the supplemental staff came to get everyone. I watched them from my seat as three people in full hazmat came onto the jet to assess the situation.
“You good, Miss Y/N?” This was Hank’s voice but I couldn’t tell where it came from.
“Golden,” I managed, my eyes squeezed shut. “Just please, get these fruitcakes unloaded so I can unfreeze them,” I sounded a little drunk and I heard Hank’s chuckle.
“You did good getting everyone home,” I could hear the smile in his voice and had it been any other situation I would have preened at the proudness he was showing. But I was trying really hard not to shove my hand down my pants and all I really wanted was to get to my room and sort myself out. After all… surely, being away from the others, away from Logan, would be enough.
“Keep everyone separated for now,” Someone commanded. Logan groaned from at my feet and I knew it was only a matter of time before he broke free of my grasp. I wasn’t sure what he’d do, but I was pretty sure no one would want to witness all that… and knew I wouldn’t be able to fight him off for long in my current state.
I almost wondered why I’d even want to.
“We’ve got Scott and Jean secured,” I heard someone shout loud enough for me to hear. I let those two slip from my hold. It felt like pulling splinters out, a moment more of discomfort, and then a relief.
“Storm and Rouge are good,” A different voice called next. I let them go and I heard Rouge shout something profane which made me smile absently. She was apparently extra feisty when she was feeling some type of way.
Two hazmat suits came and pulled Logan away from me and I choked myself on the whine that tried to escape me at the loss. A third hazmat suit sat in the copilot's chair and I was dully aware that it was Hank.
“I did some research on Malachi Mitchelle.” His voice was soothing, in a way, to my foggy brain as his voice did not stoke the fire. I nodded. “I think I know what happened to all of you to make you so… affectionate.”
Somewhere outside the jet a roar sounded as Logan finally got free of my powers. There was a scuffle and his voice quieted down. Even the sound of him made my thighs tense.
“Not me, I’m just sleepy,” I lied. I just needed to get away, as far away from Logan, as I could. Because I was weak and getting weaker by the second, if he came asking, I’d likely give in this time.
And then I’d never be able to face him again.
“Good, that’s good.” Hank said. “But the others then, based on the readings we downloaded from the jet and what I was able to find on Malachi…” He coughed once, uncomfortable. “Well, let's just say, Malachi was known for making people feel good and he ended up making something that went a little too far. I’m sure that’s what they got into,”
“How do they fix it?” I asked. My eyes were blurry and I felt kinda like my uterus was going to melt down my legs at any second. I just wanted to crawl into bed and wait it out.
“The only way out is through I’m afraid,” Hank laughed nervously.
“Oh,” I managed. Maybe I’d have to be more active in my ‘waiting it out’ plan, but whatever. As long as I got away from Logan. As long as I didn’t make him hate me.
“Are you sure you’re ok, though? You weren’t exposed?” Hank asked again. I waved him off.
“I just beat my record time for freezing someone by a couple of minutes,” I managed a smirk as pain shot up my spine. “And I did it times five. I just need a really, really, really long nap.” Hank chuckled at my tone but nodded his head.
“Alright, you still need to be decontaminated.” He stood. “And I’ll have someone come check on you, just in case,”
“Ok,” I mumbled. But I was not going to stick around to find out what they wanted to check. I could already feel myself straining to hear Logan’s voice, but so far all I could hear was machinery and the hazmat shower.
Someone came to get me, but it took all of my brainpower to focus on being normal. I grumbled through the decontamination spray, which was dry and unpleasant like getting sand blasted.
“Wait here,” The hazmat suit that had decontaminated me said. I didn’t recognize this voice, not that I tried hard to while I was sitting on the edge of a chair, trying really hard to not call out for Logan. I knew he was in the medbay somewhere, we all were. I also knew that if I called his name he would come running and he’d be able to ease the burning ache in my core.
But I didn’t want that.
I didn’t want him to want me just because of some stupid sex pollen. I knew Hank said the only way out was through, and from the bits I’d understood from the conversation around me, that meant you had to bang whomever it was that your body craved. Which was why I hadn’t felt the urge to jump any of the staff that were helping.
And also why I could hear Jean and Scott going at it from across the medbay, which was as awkward as it was unhelpful to the heat in my blood.
Before the hazmat suit that had helped me returned, I decided it would be best for me to just leave. Go somewhere where I couldn’t hear the sounds of Rouge and Ororo getting off too. The whole medbay sounded like a porn set and I needed to get out of it before I made a move I couldn’t take back.
I figured if I could get to my room, I could get my own rocks off enough times to get rid of this feeling. I had toys, I had batteries, I had my hands. It’d be fine. And then Logan and I could still be friends when this was all finally over.
Walking turned out to be a specific kind of torture.
Everything hurt. While it had kind of felt like period cramps at first, the pain had shifted and spread out. It was like my skin was trying to eat itself, like my bones were made out of razor blades. I stumbled along the hall and into the elevator to go up to where the adult dorms were.
I didn’t recall the dorms being so far away.
I leaned on the wall, thankful that the metal elevator wall was at least cool against my burning skin. Maybe I’d need to take a cold shower too. But the thought of even that made me whimper in displeasure. I knew what my body wanted, what I probably needed, and yet I so desperately denied it.
I just needed to get to my room. To cool off. To calm down. To hold on just a little bit tighter.
My suit was uncomfortable on my skin, I could feel the seams as though they were also razors like my bones. I was beginning to wonder if I’d made the right decision. It wouldn’t be the first time my pride or whatever, got in the way of feeling better.
The hallway seemed longer than normal as I shuffled my way to my room. It wasn’t very late in the day, and most people that lived in this wing were elsewhere and preoccupied, so I wasn’t worried about anyone hearing my moaning as I made my way past each door.
Only three more doors until mine, but that felt like so far to go. Too far maybe. Maybe I could curl up out here in the hall and let the pain take me.
Every step shot lightning through my limbs that ricocheted around in my rib cage. My core felt like it had been filled with angry bees. I paused long enough to try to squeeze my legs together, to get some friction, hoping it would help somehow. But it did nothing. I tried to use my hand over my suit but the only thing that did was make my knees wobble and the bees inside me sting me harder. It wasn’t the correct hand, nor nearly enough touch.
I tried to gather my strength by leaning against the wall, but it didn’t seem to help me other than to keep me from falling on the floor.
“Y/N!” Logan’s voice was like fresh rain on a forest fire.
I didn’t have the energy to look behind me to see him coming. I did, however, feel those frustrated and angry tears that had plagued me since being on the jet finally break free. I knew I wouldn’t be able to push him away anymore and I hated that I was so weak.
“God, baby, look at me,” He sounded so worried for me. I wished it could mean something.
“Hurts,” Was all I was able to mumble at him. I felt his hands on my arms, turning me so my back was against the wall. So that he could look at my face. My blood seemed to hum at his nearness. Like a magnet reaching for metal.
“Hank said you didn’t get hit with the pollen,” Logan’s eyes were still hazy, but he was at least restraining himself now. “Seems you lied to him sweetheart,” His fingers brushed my cheeks and I whined as if his touch hurt.
“You…?” I tried to ask why he was handling this better than before but got cut off by a wave of pain that threatened to knock me to the floor.
“Come on,” Logan said instead. I shook my head at him and tried to pull myself off the wall, to walk away from him. But I couldn’t. I had always prided myself on being strong, a sick sort of triumph at my ability to deny myself anything I wanted and didn’t think I deserved. But with this?
I hated how all I wanted to do was bury my face in his chest or maybe just swallow him whole.
Logan got an arm around my waist to help me stand and I felt like I was drowning in his nearness.
I wanted to get away from him.
I wanted to pull him closer.
When I stumbled along with him, he cursed at my slowness. He paused long enough to make a decision. His hand on my chin made me look at him, but I struggled to focus on his face when I saw him lick his dry lips. I wanted him to lick me like that. Gently, softly, thoroughly.
“Stay with me a little longer, sweetheart, just gotta get to your room or I’ll have to fuck you out here in the hall,” Logan’s voice tried to remain light, as if it were a joke of some kind. But we both knew he would do exactly that if we didn’t get behind a door.
I could only whine, low in my throat, because the pain was blooming behind my eyes like solar flares. I wondered if it would kill me if left unchecked. I wondered if that would be better than giving in.
But when Logan’s lips pressed against my sweaty forehead, I leaned into him. Another kiss on my temple drew my focus away from the burning hum in my blood. The third one landed on my jaw and I turned, trying to catch his mouth without thinking.
I knew if he touched me just a little more, the pain would ebb. I knew it. I didn’t want to give in, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I got to taste him… just once. Maybe he’d be able to forgive me for just one kiss.
I heard him chuckle as I chased more contact. He was breathing hard, wanting more too.
He swung me up into his strong arms, bridal style, and I pressed my face into his neck while he carried me the last several feet to my room. If my brain hadn’t been so hazy, I would have marveled at how easily he’d lifted me, how easily he could carry me.
As soon as my door closed behind us, Logan set me back on the ground and buried his face in my neck, my back pressed against the wood. I had my arms around his shoulders still, fingers buried in his hair while he mouthed his way up to my ear.
“Say you want this, sweetheart,” Logan purred. I had one leg up around his hip, giving him room to press himself into me between open mouth kisses on my skin. My hips rolled into him of their own accord.
I felt like I couldn’t bring enough air into my lungs, but somehow, I managed to speak.
“No,” My voice was torn, and my face wet. It felt like someone else had pulled the word from my chest, someone so far away from the heat of my room.
I didn’t register the way his face contorted in confusion.
“Sweetheart,” It was his turn to whine. Annoyed at the thought I’d deny him. I knew the pollen was surely in his system still, making him want me as badly as I wanted him.
Which was the only reason I still tried to resist.
“Didn’t want…” I panted, too many sensations running through me. “Not like this,” My arms made no move to push him away from me but my body betrayed my lungs as my leg shifted, trying to pull him closer. With him close like this, at least the ache wasn’t getting any worse.
“Like how then?” Logan asked. His hips bucked up into me and I felt the ache in waves as his body teased mine with the promise of release.
Oh god, release.
I could only shake my head as I cried because I wanted things to be different. I wanted this to matter, wanted it to mean he liked me. But it was nothing other than a need we hadn’t asked for because of a mission that went weird, and that broke my heart.
Logan cursed to himself, kissing at the tears on my cheek.
“It’s ok pretty girl, it doesn’t have to mean anything, just… just let me help you, alright?” His voice betrayed an ache I didn’t expect in him. The kind of ache you couldn’t mask and you couldn’t fabricate.
“No, no… I want it to mean something… I don’t want - ahh - a pity fuck,” I said into his shoulder as my body tried to get more from him. I gasped each time his body bumped into mine while he held me against the door. Just being near him like this seemed to clear my head some though and I knew I should let my pride go.
That we both needed this.
That the only way out was through.
“It’s not pity,” Logan growled against my throat, something angry, something hurting.
I couldn’t respond as I felt a new wave of pain and wanting crash through me, pulling a low whimper from my chest. What we were doing simply wasn’t enough. We were knocking at the door maybe, but we needed to step into the home beyond the threshold.
We couldn’t get out if we didn’t go through.
“I need you to tell me you want this,” Logan groaned, his mouth against my jaw. Begging, hardly restrained. A gentleman even when dosed with sex pollen.
My chest ached for him.
“Won’t you hate me tomorrow?” I squeezed my eyes shut as he adjusted his grip on me, his hand was so warm on my thigh as he helped balance me.
“I could never hate you, sweet girl,” He said against my cheek, kissing a few more tears from my fevered skin.
I nodded finally.
I felt him grin against my cheek before he added, “I need to hear you say it, baby,” I could hear the same smile in his voice.
“I want… Want you,” It somehow still felt like a betrayal to admit it and as the moment drew on for a heartbeat too long, I thought for sure that he had realized he didn’t want me. That this had all been some elaborate ruse. My eyes were squeezed so tightly shut that I missed the way his face broke open into a pure joy smile.
I felt more tears in my eyes at what I thought was rejection.
“I need you,” I pressed again, sure that if he didn’t speak, didn’t keep touching me, didn’t fuck me, I was going to die. I opened my eyes and saw his smile and my chest thawed at the happiness he showed me. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him smile like that before.
Logan’s hands squeezed my hips, pulling me tight against him again so that I could feel how hard his cock was straining in his suit.
“I need you too, sweetheart,” I felt his smile against my neck before he finally, finally, covered my mouth with his.
It was like wind after rain.
Something soft that whispers about tomorrows that are brighter and hurt less.
His mouth did not cool my blood completely, but suddenly, the pain was receding. I twisted my hands in his hair, holding him to me, daring him to try to pull away. But Logan’s hands were making their way into my suit, pulling zippers and searching for skin.
He had no plans to leave me. Thank god.
“You taste so good,” He purred, pulling away to look at my face. I was sure I looked a mess, but I had no willpower left to be embarrassed about it. His eyes were glittering with mirth and heat and something my brain wanted to believe in.
“You do too,” I panted. I didn’t remember him getting the top half of my suit off, but he was tugging the rest down my hips. When did my feet end up back on the floor?
I was wearing an undershirt and a pair of close fitting shorts under the leather suit and Logan growled at the next set of barriers.
“Too many layers,” He grumbled. I pulled him back to where I could kiss him and he seemed happy enough to lick his way into my mouth while his hand stumbled blindly along my stomach in search of the waistband of my shorts.
I mewled when his fingers brushed the skin of my hip, having found their way inside. Logan chuckled against my mouth as he glanced down to make sure he was where he thought he was.
“Bed,” I commanded, brain short circuiting at the mere thought of what was to come. His hands, one still in my shorts, moved to scoop me off my feet. Both of those wide, warm palms of his squeezing at my ass as he pulled my legs around his hips. I moaned again, surprised at the heat of him pressed into my ache, and also turned on by the very fact he could lift me so effortlessly.
“Wanted to do this for so long,” Logan murmured into my throat.
“Yeah?” Curiosity more than disbelief for once.
“Yeah, pretty girl,” He was all but purring, kissing any skin close enough to reach as he moved us deeper into my room, aiming for the bed, but not really looking.
“How long?” I wondered out loud. Surely it couldn’t be that long, but my brain was running at about 1% cognition so I didn’t bother thinking too hard about what I was asking.
“Since that time you subbed for my class,” He said without missing a single beat. He groaned at the memory. “You were wearing a dress with little flowers on it. It stopped right at your knees and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to get under that skirt,” He pulled me tighter against him, cursing at the sensation while I gasped against his shoulder.
I felt blood rush to my ears at his confession, as I hadn’t subbed for him in months, but I didn’t get to revel in it long because we’d finally made it to my bed. Logan and I toppled over onto the unmade mess I’d left my bed in that morning.
“Fuck, I need you in my mouth,” Logan moved off of me so that he could kneel on the floor between my legs. “You going to let me taste you?” I nodded happily and he gave me a sharp-toothed grin that made me shiver.
He easily pulled off my shorts and underwear and as soon as I was exposed to him I felt the ache rear its head again. Like hot coals dropped into my pelvis, everything was concentrated and too hot.
“Logan, please,” I whimpered. “Hurts again,” He wasted no more time and lunged headfirst into my open legs. I almost screamed at the sensation of his tongue moving up to my clit. It was too good, pure honey, and yet, entirely not enough. I reached down and got both of my hands into his hair, tugging him closer, unable to stop myself from chasing the high that was nowhere near close enough yet, by rubbing myself against his face.
Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind.
Logan moaned against me as he hoisted one of my legs over his shoulder. His free hand moved up my stomach, pushing its way under my shirt until he met with one final barrier, my sports bra. He grumbled vaguely, doubling down on his efforts with his mouth on my core. The lewd noise of him devouring me filled the room. If the pollen wasn’t clouding my head, I knew I’d be embarrassed, but he sounded like he was eating his favorite meal, slurping and sucking and making me see stars in a way I could only have dreamed about.
I felt his callouses slide under my bra, up through the valley between my breasts. He pulled the fabric up away from me and with a turn of his wrist, his claws sprang free just long enough to slice through the fabric that had dared hide my chest from him.
I gasped, startled, but also my core clenched at the show of force. Logan chuckled at my sharp intake of breath.
Logan made a noise low in his throat that was somewhere between a growl and whimper before he moved to explore this newly exposed skin. My fingers flexed against his scalp as his tongue brought first one, then the other, nipple to a hard peak.
My hands were beginning to shake as I clenched them tighter, pulling at his scalp. My body couldn’t focus on anything for very long, instead it simply demanded more, more, more.
“Fuck baby, you trying to pull my head off?” He teased, mindful not to leave me wanting while he spoke. He pressed his thumb against my clit and it shot electricity up my spine. I tried to shove his face back where I needed him, but he resisted me easily. I whined unhappily.
He pulled my hands from his hair so he could sit back on his heels. Logan seemed distracted as he ran his fingers through my sopping core again and I jumped and whined at each pass. He just continued to toy with me and I mewled.
“Need you,” I got out. I was breathing like I was worried I’d be pulled underwater at any second, trying to get as much air into my lungs as I could before the air got taken away.
“I know, baby, need you too,” He began to work his way out of his suit, but he kept getting distracted by my leg over his shoulder, my hands reaching for him, and his incessant urge to lean back in and run his tongue through my folds again and again and again.
As if just a single taste could sustain him.
The way we were sitting prevented me from seeing more than a flash of nudity before he settled again with his knees on the floor. Logan went back to his assault on my clit, but now he was teasing me with one of his thick fingers too. I groaned loudly when I saw his hips buck into the edge of my mattress. Simply knowing he was getting off with his tongue in me made the coil in my pelvis wind tight.
“More,” I demanded, feeling my orgasm finally building as he focused his tongue on my clit. “Logan, ‘m getting close,”
“Good,” Logan responded with his mouth still against me. “Cum for me, wanna taste you, dreamed about what you taste like,” I felt his finger press slowly into me, his tongue still working my clit, and I bucked my hips up as he stopped to look at what he was doing.
“Logan,” I complained. I felt his finger slide in farther and we both cursed at the feeling of my walls gripping him. I had never been so desperate for friction in my entire life.
“So tight, so perfect for me,” Logan murmured. I just nodded as he worked another finger in with the first and I arched off the bed, chasing my high. I felt his free hand press on my hip to keep me here on earth with him as he pumped those two wicked fingers in and out, licking at my clit all the while, as though it were his favorite brand of lollipop.
I couldn’t warn him before I actually came.
My ears were ringing as my body burst into a million pinpricks of light. Nothing else mattered as the waves came up and broke over me, Logan pushing me far past where I would have stopped had I been alone. When my pieces resettled into a sentient being I got only a few moments of clarity before the pollen pulled me back under.
But in those few moments, I saw how much love and affection Logan had in his eyes as he looked up at me from between my legs. He looked like there was nowhere else in the world he’d rather be.
“How was that?” Logan asked with the sort of grin that told me he knew exactly how that was.
“How are you not as horny as I am?” I complained. With a chuckle he kissed the inside of my thigh and then kissed his way up to my throat. My legs instinctively circled his hips, ready for more of him. I felt the heat of his length slide along my ass as I held him to me.
“Hank gave me something to take the edge off, some sedative,” Logan admitted dismissively. “Said he didn’t want me hurting anyone before we got ourselves sorted out,”
“Oh,” I felt his teeth teasing the soft skin below my ear and I wiggled a bit because it tickled.
“But it’s wearing off fast,” he added cheerfully. “So I hope you’re ready for another,”
“God yes. Please,” I whined at the thought of another orgasm. The first one had done wonders for the fire in my blood, but it wasn’t gone by any means. My bones were still feeling too sharp any time he stopped touching me.
Logan chuckled at my eagerness, but kissed me anyway. I happily parted my lips for him as he deepened the kiss. I felt his hand, warm on my hip, as he adjusted me so he could slot himself better between my thighs as our tongues took turns tasting each other.
We both groaned when his dick slid past my clit the first time. Another pass and we became creatures of feeling and nothing more.
Funny how you could dream of something and once you face the reality of it, it is so different. No matter what you think you know of the matter, you're so deliciously wrong.
When Logan finally pressed his tip into me, I swear the world ended. Inch by inch he filled that emptiness inside of me, pushing out any lingering thoughts of him not wanting me.
My fingers dug into his skin and he groaned lowly into my neck.
“Fuck,” he growled. “Relax for me, baby,”
“Can’t,” I forced the word out as my whole body tensed up. It felt amazing to be filled, but the intrusion was also new to me. My muscles didn’t know what to do with him, but they loved the feel of him simply being there, a pleasant burn, a wondrous sort of ache.
“Breathe,” he panted. “I can't move with you squeezing me so tight,”
“Sorry,” I had my eyes squeezed shut, trying to focus on letting my body adjust to him. He was bigger than anything I'd even used myself and I had no idea how he'd managed to fit.
“Nothing to be sorry for,” I felt Logan's hand rubbing circles on my hip. “Just take a deep breath for me, sweetheart,” the pet name made me whimper as the pollen demanded friction I wasn't getting.
A shaky breath escaped me. Then another.
“That's it, keep breathing for me, just like that,” Logan praised me and I felt my face flame in pleasure. I could feel my muscles finally loosen as he pressed gentle kisses along my throat. “I'm gonna move now,” he warned. I nodded quickly, eyes still shut.
He pulled his hips back slowly, then pressed himself back in, this time somehow farther into me than he was before. My head felt hazy as he did it again. And again. And again. I could only let out little groans of pleasure as he split me apart.
“Look at me, baby,” Logan had a hand on my face again, holding me so he could look into my eyes when I finally opened them. “Doing ok?”
I nodded almost sleepily, feeling like every brain cell I'd ever grown was knocked out of my skull.
“I need you to say it, pretty girl,” he whispered, a gentle kiss to the side of my mouth. The pet name made me clench around him and he cursed to himself at the feeling.
“I'm good,” I managed, wondering if I should pick a pet name for him too. But he seemed to be hogging them all.
“That's my girl,” Logan kissed my mouth again and I could taste his grin.
Pretty quickly it became clear his sedative had worn off completely.
The wild look from the jet came back to his eyes as he hoisted my legs up higher in his waist, drilling down into me as I continued to whimper. It felt like he was trying to mold me to the shape of him, so that no other dick would ever fit me quite right.
I wouldn't mind if that were true.
When his thumb pressed on my clit again I bucked up into him, arching off the bed. Logan chuckled and rubbed tight circles on the nub until I was crying from the stimulation.
“Need you to come for me again, sweetheart,”
“Trying to,” I huffed out, blinded by how easy it seemed for him to lift my hips and reposition me. I knew I weighed more than he did, it came up as a joke once and never left me alone. But he didn't seem to notice or care.
“Come on, baby, give it to me,” he begged, his other hand, the one not preoccupied with my clit, moved to tug at one of my nipples. My fingers dug into his biceps as the orgasm wound itself tight around my pelvis. I swear I could feel my nails digging in, past his skin, into the meat of him. “Fuck - give it to me,”
If he noticed how far my nails dug into him, he didn’t care, redoubling his efforts with the movement of his hips against mine.
“Almost, almost,” I chanted. “Almost,” it was just babbling now but he understood.
It felt like heaven having something so large to clench around as the orgasm snapped through me. Doubly so when Logan's hips jerked a moment after my tremors ended and he filled me in a new way.
For a brilliant moment, the pain was entirely gone.
We lay panting, trying to catch the breath we’d stolen from each other. Logan chuckled, but it turned into a growl as he pulled himself out of me. I couldn’t help but gasp at the loss of him.
“You got another one for me?” Logan asked, pressing open mouth kisses along my neck and chest. I closed my eyes, trying to sear this memory into my brain so I could look back at the feeling of it, not just the knowledge that it had happened.
“Yeah,” I finally sighed, a contented noise, as the warmth that lingered in me spread out again and began to smolder. The pollen really must take a while to get out of one’s system… but I found that I didn’t really mind. “Just tired is all,”
“Poor baby,” Logan teased. “Come ‘ere,” He pulled me around so that he was behind me.
“Logan?” I questioned.
“Just let me take care of you,” He purred, nibbling his way across my shoulder to my ear. “Or don’t you trust me?”
“I trust you,” I said, confused as to what trust had to do with it. I trusted him with most things, if not everything outside of this room. So why not with this thing, inside the room?
“Good, now just relax and let me take care of my pretty girl,” he nipped at my earlobe as my face grew warm at his affections. This pollen was cruel if it made him so sweet only to take it away. But I didn’t find myself wanting to do anything I wouldn’t normally want to do, so maybe…just maybe…
“Ok,” I moved my head to catch his lips, and for a moment that distracted him from whatever it was he was originally planning when he got us situated on our sides, spooning, his front warm against my back.
When his calloused fingers bit into the meat of my thigh and lifted my leg up and and back to rest it over his, it quickly became clear what his plan was.
Logan shifted a bit so he could actually line himself up with me, but sank into me, deeper somehow, than ever before. I let out a pathetic noise at the sensation of being filled from this new angle.
“Shh, shh,” Logan hushed me, placing softer kisses on my exposed and sweaty skin. “Just like before, sweetheart, breathe,” It took less attempts to fill my lungs this time, my muscles relaxing enough to let him push and pull himself through me with practiced ease.
“Feels good,” I told him, wanting him to know I was still enjoying this.
“Good, baby,” I felt him smile against my neck. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” When he rocked his hips forward, I couldn’t help but moan instead of respond.
Logan slid his other arm beneath me, the muscles fitting perfectly into the curve of my natural waist. I’d have thought my stomach would be off putting to him, but here he was fondling it, fondling me, while also sliding so deep inside of me that I was surprised I was still breathing.
Somehow, the next orgasm felt deeper, stronger, and snuck up on me too.
I came with a cry, the sound a mix of surprise and overwhelming pleasure.
“Gonna cum again,” Logan warned me. “With you milking me like that, can’t…can’t help myself,” he clarified as though I’d asked or he was embarrassed.
“Please,” I begged, eyes wet. When I moaned, the drag of his cock through my folds beginning to overstimulate me, Logan bucked his hips harder once.
“Make that noise again,” he begged in return. I was happy enough to oblige. The next moan fed into his low roar as he spilled himself for the second time into my waiting heat.
When he made to pull himself out again, I whined and scooted back against him.
“Don’t leave me yet,” I mumbled, half asleep suddenly.
“I’m not going anywhere, pretty girl,” His arms wrapped around me then and he held me close to his chest, still buried to the hilt inside me. I sighed happily.
“When you pulled out last time, the pain came back right away,” I told him.
“Oh, is that why?” He asked skeptically.
“And it feels good,” I mumbled, my eyes closing. “Like you inside me,” But right as I was about to fall asleep, a shot went through me. Like static pains as your limbs wake up, having been asleep too long.
I felt my heart rate pick back up and my breathing came out harder.
“Back already?” Logan mused.
“I guess so,” I mourned the loss of rest, but was not opposed to more shenanigans with the man in my bed. I’d thought if he stayed inside me the pollen would wait.
“Lucky for you, I can go all night, pollen or not.” Logan bragged. I didn’t need to have my eyes open to know exactly how pleased with himself his smirk would be.
“Even with that sedative?” I smirked, but I whined as Logan pulled himself out of me. He just readjusted us so that I was flat on my back and he was looking down at me. He looked like heaven resting his weight on his elbows next to my head. He was so close, he smelled so good, and for at least this one moment, he was entirely mine.
“Sweetheart, that’s been out of my system for ages,” He leaned down to cover my mouth with his and I couldn’t help but reach up and tangle my fists in his hair. He chuckled against my tongue when I pulled to keep him close to me.
“Oh,” I said, rather shyly.
“Why? Have I not been giving it to you hard enough?” Logan’s voice was mostly teasing, but he moved to take my bottom lip between his teeth. He tugged enough that it pulled a gasp from my chest, before he let go.
“You saying you can’t go harder?” I wasn’t sure why I pushed him, and I could blame the pollen… or I could blame all the romance novels I’d read where every sex scene was dotted with harder, harder, harder!
“Oh honey, be careful,” Logan warned, mirth and something fiery in his eyes…animalistic joy at the thought of harder.
“Oh honey,” I mocked him. “I dare you,” I used the same mocking tone and was not surprised when he growled and descended on me like a lion on a baby gazelle.
All teeth and tongue and primal heat.
I lost count of the orgasms he pulled from me. All I knew was that I would never be able to face him if he decided that this meant nothing after all because I would never stop craving him. Having had a taste of Logan, even if it had been coerced by a silly plant, I knew I’d never crave anything else.
“You still with me, pretty?” Logan’s voice made me open my eyes again.
“Mhmm,” I murmured, reaching out to get my arms around his neck. I pulled him into me, just hugging him to me like he was the teddy bear I needed to fall asleep. He pressed his forehead into mine. I hummed, happy to have him in my arms. He pressed a few chaste kisses to my lips, gentle and sweet.
“Do you need another?” Logan’s voice was slightly worried but I just shook my head. The feeling of the pollen clouding my head, clogging my veins… that feeling that my bones were too sharp… was entirely gone now. I was left to bask in the afterglow and tiredness of what we’d done.
“Do you, handsome?” The pet name tasted funny but I figured I could go one more round if he needed to. After all, it would only be fair.
“I was good two orgasms ago,” Logan admitted. I clicked my tongue, giving him a scandalized look.
“What?” I asked, sounding a bit like I thought he was lying.
“Yeah, the pollen was out of my head probably two ago,” He kissed the tip of my nose as I wrinkled it at him.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Didn’t want to cut the fun short,” Logan smirked. “Plus, you still smelled wrong,”
“Oh thanks,” I rolled my eyes, feeling more like myself than I had in what feels like weeks.
“You smell much better without that sickly sweet pollen on you,” Logan assured me. He kissed the edge of my mouth, asking permission to kiss me properly. I moved to catch his lips and he purred against me. “You taste better without it too,”
“Mmm,” I made a noise of agreement because the tiredness was back.
“I’m going to go get cleaned up, then I’ll be back to clean you up, ok sweetheart?” Logan asked, his knuckles running along my side. I nodded, feeling sleep coming for me. The last thing I heard was Logan chuckle as he moved across the room to my ensuite.
I was face down, when Logan returned. Most of my bedding had been tossed aside at one point or another, the pillows were gone and all that remained were the sheets. The fitted sheet had popped off one corner and the other sheet was only enough to cover my nudity, but it was cold and damp in far too many spots to be any sort of comfortable.
“How ya feeling, love?” Logan asked, crouching down next to where my head was. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, but it was clear he’d showered since I’d seen him last. I was the wrong way round on my bed, arms curled into my naked chest because I was cold.
“Sticky… sore… cold,” I mumbled. “And tired, but I really want a shower,”
“Come on,” He moved to help me up and I grumbled the entire time. Logan just chuckled as he helped me into the bathroom. “Want help showering?”
“No, I’m ok,” I told him. Something about how gently he was speaking kept me from making any snide comments that may have normally slipped free. I wondered if he was being nice because he was a gentleman, or if it was because he genuinely cared. I wondered if it could maybe be a bit of both.
He reached to start the shower anyway.
“Do you want me to be here when you get out?” Logan’s voice almost hid his fear of rejection.
“Do you want to be?” I countered him, unsure if he should want to remain in my space after… all that.
“Of course,” He turned to place a gentle kiss on my forehead and I leaned into him.
“Please be here when I get out,” I said, catching his eye. He nodded as I got into the waiting warm water.
As I stood in the shower, my brain finally clear, I couldn’t help but wonder what came next.
Would Logan want to date me after all this? Would he want to just fuck? Would he want anything to do with me at all?
Would he remember saying he wanted me?
Instead of spiraling, I forced myself to focus on washing the sweat off my skin. I found several spots marked with Logan’s teeth, all of which were bruised or bruising. I felt my face get the sort of warm that had nothing to do with the temperature of the water running down my back.
I washed my hair, I washed my skin. I washed the evidence of fucking from between my legs. Something in me mourned the loss, if only because with the mess gone, there was less evidence that, even for a moment, he’d wanted me like that.
Eventually, I turned the shower off and wrapped myself in my towel, which was damp since someone had already used it.
“Logan!” I grumbled loudly. “You got my towel all wet!” It didn’t really matter but I was hoping he’d still be there for me to be grumpy with and it was easier than asking if he was there.
Logan appeared in the bathroom doorway, shirtless still, and wearing a pair of my sweatpants that were comically loose around his hips, even though he had the strings pulled tight.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” He moved away for a moment and came back with my spare towel. “I found this one while I looked for sheets,”
“Sheets?” I took the towel from him and turned around as though there was any need for modesty. I put the new towel around my shoulders before letting the damp one fall, then readjusted so the fresh towel was around me properly.
“I figured while you got cleaned up, I’d work on the mess we made of your bed,” Logan’s smirk was cheeky and proud. It made my skin flame.
“Oh, well thank you for that,” I said. I went through the motions of my normal after shower routine. Brushing my hair, lotioning my face, putting product in my hair… distinctly aware that Logan was watching me from his spot leaning against the doorframe.
I was brushing my teeth when Logan spoke again.
“I think we should talk about it,” He said with that tone he used on students when they were clearly lying to him. I wondered why he used that tone now, as I wasn’t saying anything. How could I be lying?
“What about it?” I asked, finishing up. I just needed to dry the rest of me and put some pjs on. I paused when I turned and Logan was still blocking the doorway with his shirtless chest.
“Are you good? I didn’t hurt you… did I?” Something vulnerable made its way into his eyes before he could stop it.
“I mean, you bit me in the ass, that stings a little bit,” I tried to joke. When he didn’t laugh, I shrugged. “You didn’t hurt me, but… It was a lot, I won’t lie.”
“It was a lot for me too.” He agreed. “I’d been hoping to ask you out before sleeping with you, but it seems we didn’t get much of a choice,” I choked on my own throat at his confession.
“You wanted to ask me out?” I fumbled with that idea, even after everything. No one asked me out, especially not when they meant to actually follow through. Logan nodded.
“I’d love to take you out sometimes, if you want,” He watched me with those hazel eyes and I felt a strange mix of fear and warmth at the way his face softened. “But we can talk about that later too,”
“I’d never had sex before,” I blurted out suddenly. Logan froze. “It’s fine, and I didn’t really think it mattered to me, but… but it feels like I should say something,”
“Well fuck,” He cursed. “That’s not how I would have envisioned it,”
“Can’t say I ever really envisioned it at all,” I told him, trying to make it sound like a joke.
His brow furrowed.
“Why not?”
“People never exactly lined up to take me out or sleep with me, and I made my peace with that,” I stepped closer to him and he watched until I shooed him from the door. “Let me get some undies on,”
“I wouldn’t mind if you left them off,” Logan smirked, enjoying the way my skin darkened with a blush.
“Oh shush,” I shot over my shoulder at him while I dug out some underwear and my pjs. I picked the prettiest underwear I had, which honestly were still pretty much granny panties, but they were a cute color and design at least. And for pjs, I picked something simple, a tank and shorts.
“Are you avoiding looking at me, pretty girl?” Logan hummed from close behind me. I shivered at his sordid tone.
“It’s not my fault you’ve decided to stay half naked and gorgeous,” I grumbled, pulling on my clothes. I felt somewhat better with clothes on, but also, it felt weird after being naked for so long.
“Can’t promise to change either of those things anytime soon,” When he pressed a small kiss to my shoulder, I jumped. “Sorry,” he purred, no longer advancing.
“I can’t believe you still want to touch me after all that,” I said softly. There was no anger in it. No malice. Just surprise.
“Sweetheart, I’d fuck you again right now if you asked me to,” The heat of his words tore through me like a stray bullet.
“I don’t think I could handle that just now,” I forced a smile thinking about how raw I felt inside and out. “Thanks though,”
“This ok?” Logan asked, taking my hand and turning me around. He set my palm against his sternum and his hands found new purchase, one on my hip, the other on my cheek. I nodded against his palm. “I want to make sure you’re really ok,”
“I don’t know what you expect me to say,” I felt my throat closing on unexpected tears. I frowned at myself. “Why do I want to cry?”
“Go ahead and cry, baby,” Logan said softly in return. “If that’s what you need,”
“But I’m not sad,” I mumbled as tears, hot and fat, rolled down my cheeks. “What the heck,” This was more to myself and the tears streaming down my face. I tried to wipe them with my bare hand and it really only smeared them along my cheeks. Logan kissed my forehead and led me to my bed.
“It’s a lot, and new, and not exactly normal.” Logan assured me.
“What, your first time wasn’t with your crush dosed up on sex pollen?” I joked through the tears. I pulled a handful of tissues from the box that miraculously had remained unscathed on my nightstand and wiped my face with a pair of them. My lamp was in an entirely different spot. I guessed we’d knocked it over and Logan had righted it when he remade the bed.
“The first time with my crush might have been like that,” He teased back and I blushed.
“You saying you have a crush on me?”
“Maybe,” His smirk was boyish and if I didn’t know any better, I thought maybe his cheeks were a little bit pinker than they were before.
I crawled into the bed and watched Logan stand there in my sweatpants.
“Will you join me?” I asked carefully. I wiped at my face again and was happy to find that the tears were leaving as fast as they had come.
“Was just thinking about sneaking down to the kitchen,” Logan gave me a smile. “Unless you’ve got something else tasty hiding in here somewhere,” A sudden grumble came from my stomach as I realized I was starving.
“I don’t know what you mean by ‘something else’ tasty, but I’ve got a stash of snacks,” I stood again and went to my closet, kneeling down to pull out one of those sort of flimsy storage ottomans you get at big box stores. Logan followed me and chuckled.
“I mean other than you, sweetheart,” He shook his head when I scoffed. “You know, you are terribly hard to flirt with,”
“Do you want my snacks or to tease me?” I complained, leaning back so he could see my stash. I had a little bit of a lot of things in the ottoman. Everything from beef jerky and granola bars, to poptarts, to candy of all kinds.
Logan let out a low whistle.
“I wondered how you always seemed to have the good snacks,”
“Well Scott steals anything in the kitchen. That man is a menace to poptarts. Plus Rouge specifically takes any candy I’ve ever left in there, and I have no proof, but I’m pretty sure Ororo steals all the salty snacks, so I had to improvise if I wanted anything to be where I left it.” I sat crossed legged and pulled out a granola bar, opening it right there and taking a bite. “God, I don’t think I’ve been this hungry in my life.”
“It’s probably a side effect of the pollen… takes a lot out of you,” Logan joined me on the floor, our legs touching while we faced the ottoman and the bottom half of my clothes over it. Logan grabbed a pack of beef jerky and I nodded when he held it up to ask if he could eat it.
I opened a pack of pop tarts next while Logan watched me break it into pieces and pop them into my mouth one by one.
“What?” I chuckled as he absently chewed on his snack while staring at me with such adoration in his eyes it made my stomach flip. Which was surprisingly easy to handle on my current diet of poptarts and sugar.
“You’re pretty,” He told me and looked away only long enough to fish another chunk of jerky out of his bag. The bit he pulled out was one of the bigger ones and he held it out to me. “Pretty girls need protein too,”
“You’re pretty,” I snorted, pretending it was an insult. But I took the jerky from him anyway and tore it in half with my teeth. I caught Logan swallow hard at the sight and my cheeks grew warm yet again.
“I mean it, you know,” He added. “I’ve been around for a long time and you’re my favorite thing to look at,” I smiled at that. It was so much better feeling than the normal things he said that I didn’t believe.
“You’re my favorite thing to look at too,” I told him, taking his hand and kissing his knuckles. He moved to press his mouth into mine, a chaste kiss around sugared and salted lips. I chuckled, giddy, when he pulled away. Maybe I could believe him.
In the quiet darkness of my closet, watching him sift through my snack ottoman, it felt like it would be so easy to believe him. To believe that he might love me.
“I love you,” I told him suddenly. He paused with his own pack of pop tarts in his hand.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” Logan’s grin was soft and so full of love. For once I didn’t look away because I figured if I witnessed it enough I would believe it. I smiled as I watched him tear into his next snack. Maybe I should stop fighting my feelings and just believe him.
It felt so easy to just give into it.
So, I think I will.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part One
[Logan List]
[Masterlist]
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#wolverine#wolverine x reader#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett smut#sex pollen#james howlett logan#logan#smut#james logan howlett#james logan howlett x reader#logan 2017#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett x female reader#logan smut#logan wolverine#logan x reader#logan xmen#logan howlett x you#old man logan#old man logan x reader#the wolverine#lackofpamcakes#He Brings Me Flowers (Logan)#imtherain
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in my daydreams.
han taesan x reader
yn mentally escapes from her physics class, losing herself in the scenarios in her head (in other words, yn is delusional), follow along her train of thoughts as she crushes hard on her classmate. lowercase intended, cuss words. pls ignore any grammar or spelling errors! enjoyy
wc: 1,448
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"the law of the conservation of energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. that being said..."
i drowned him out after that - my physics teacher, i mean - i drowned it all out. it wasn't my fault though, it was all on him. it was his fault. no, no! not my physics professor...this is all han taesan's fault.
what did he do exactly? well...nothing. the truth is he never does anything! and that's exactly it. he does absolutely nothing and i still find myself constantly stealing glances at him. at his stupid face, his idiotic light brown eyes, his dumb smile, and his perfectly white pearly teeth...and his honey-like voice...his hair that turned a light brown against the sun...his...ugh!
god fucking dammit
as i sit here, in physics class - which, by the way, i absolutely despise physics class - i can't help but be distracted. just look at him! sitting there, right next to the window...i wouldn't be shocked if a bird distracted itself from it's flock and came flying right through it, if i were a bird i know i would. there was a singular pen in his hand, one of those expensive pens with his name engraved on it - probably a gift from his dad, he's always mentioning his dad. anyways, the pen spun against his fingers, his long and lanky fingers...sometimes i can't help but wonder what they'd feel like between my own; would they warm me up? or would it only feel that way because i'd be blinded by the affection? the pen smacked against his knuckles, they're red now from the friction. then the spinning stopped, and i watched as he began jotting words down in his lined notebook - guess there are notes i should be taking.
my chin rested on the palm of my hands and i look away from him for a moment. i sigh, who turned the air conditioner down? why is it always freezing in physics class? as i pondered, my eyes fell shut - lucky for me, i sat at the very back of the room, a spot the professor's poor eyesight can't reach. i felt my shoulder slouch as i relaxed into the uncomfortable chair, in a second i'm gone.
my mind's blank, but only just for a moment before i'm met with images of him again. seriously, i can't even rest for a moment without his face all up in my business? can't he leave my brain alone? please? i'm saying this like i hate it, but truly i don't - i can't. it's hard for me to hate something i really love more than anything. so, instead of trying to rid of his figure in my mind, my unconscious soul walks towards him.
mmm, i can almost taste him. a sweet smell that i can never put my finger on - i mean, it's woody, like a deep foggy forest...but it almost smells like freshly baked cookies from my grandma's kitchen. it's his scent though, that much i can tell you. he glows in my dreams, like edward cullen - minus the whole vampire thing, my fantasies aren't that weird, he just glowed like one. he looks right at me, this is something that truly only happens in my head. his eyes are so soft, yet there's a cat-like charm to them that makes my stomach turn.
"yn"
he calls out to me, his voice the most hypnotic noise. the figure of myself follows him, an arm linked with mine as he traces his other hand against my face. it wasn't real, but it sure felt like it, i could feel the strange sensation of butterflies in my stomach - it felt so real, i could just throw up. and then he leans in, he never kisses me though. he just pauses there, looking me in the eyes like we were in the middle of some sort of a highly prestigious staring contest. to be honest, if he weren't so insanely gorgeous, i'd think him a creep.
"yn!"
he calls out again, though it's a bit loud for the close proximity that we're in. and he sounded strange...he almost sounds like...my...
physics teacher?
fuck.
"huh? present! um-" i could feel the gazes of my classmates piercing through my skin. "yn, would you like to share with the class what you were daydreaming about?" oh, prof...you know damn fucking well i can't do that...
my teacher said something else, he's probably scolding me or saying something utterly ridiculous to embarrass me in front of my friends, i don't know though, it's not like i listened. i couldn't stop myself from wondering, what if i had just told it straight? what if i had answered my professor's stupid question with an even more dimwitted answer? 'what were you daydreaming about?' and i'd just get up from my seat and scream at the top of my lungs
"taesan"
huh...?
the name that escaped my teacher's tongue brings me back to reality, again. i'm paying full attention now. "taesan...you will be paired with...ah, look at that..." c'mon old man, quit stalling. i don't even know why we're making pairs right now, but i need to know what idiot he has to work with so i can turn them into the enemy in my fantasies and- "our very own daydreamer..." wait, did he say daydreamer? that can only mean one thing...i mean, unless someone else has been referred to as a daydreamer before.
"taesan, your pair is yn. i wish you luck"
ignoring the last bit of the sentence, which was an obvious kick at my lack of physics enthusiasm, i was almost overjoyed. fuck, this might be the actual only time i might like doing something related to this class.
i watched as taesan nodded, his lips were pursed together - i wonder if he was upset...i mean if i were as hot as him, i'd be well over pissed if i was paired with me - no offence. but as i was thinking that, he turned around in his seat to look at me - and i mean actually look at me! and as if this wasn't already a dream come true, he smiled at me! does he know how absolutely insane this drives me?! i mean, quick! somebody pinch me! pinch me and tell me it's fake!
i must've been lost in my head again because the next time i opened my eyes i almost died of shock. low and behold, han taesan right in front of me - like, inches away from me.
"don't know if you know, but we're pairs..." i can't believe it he's actually talking to me! my eyes must've gone wide, and my mouth opened to speak but nothing came out. he laughed at me. he laughed at me. you know that kind of stupid laugh a guy does when he just knows he's causing some sort of chemical reaction in my body right now - or as i like to call it, the absolutely shit-eating asshole laugh.
he's so lucky he's hot.
"lucky for you..." he said, turning the chair from the table in front of mine around to sit and face me. "i actually listened in class, so you don't have to - i know, i know, no need to thank me" asshat, but i can't help the feeling of a fluttering flower blooming in the very depths of my body - lower abdomen, to be specific. i still haven't spoken a word to him - i mean, i'd love to, but i just couldn't seem to.
"so the whole point of this project is to explain everything about motion" i know of other things that could be put into motion...what? ew! yn, get your head out of the gutter! i'm sorry, sir isaac newton definitely did not die for this.
"listen, you're cute and all, but can we save the rest of the daydreaming for later? i kind of need to pass this physics class" he's right, i should stop, this is inappropriate and not very cool of me- wait...did he call me cute?!?!?? ME? CUTE?
"you there?" i finally get myself together. "uh- oh! yeah, sorry about that...what're we doing again?" i just know i looked like an absolute fool. and i swear to whatever being that i was trying to stay professional and calm, but when he laughs and when he smiled at me with that stupid dumbass fucking idiot smile of his, i just can't seem to think straight.
i may not know much about physics, but i know one thing for sure. and it's that for as long as i, yn ln, have to work together with him, han taesan...
i'm completely and utterly so fucking cooked.
the end.
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i never really write in this pov but i kinda love this 🫢 hope u guys did too!! yn is so me when i have a crush on someone - it's always like i almost hate them so much because of how much i like them lmao 😭 tysm for reading! love, kona.
perm taglist (lmk if u wanna be added)
@en-dream
#kona's work ♡#boynextdoor#boynextdoor drabbles#boynextdoor imagines#boynextdoor x reader#taesan#taesan x reader#boynextdoor taesan#bnd taesan#han dongmin#han taesan#bnd x reader
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!Pairing: Loser!Jake x Cheerleader!Reader!
Genre: Strangers to lovers, mutual pinning, fluff.
Warnings: Swearing, make outs. [Let me know if I missed anything!]
Jake Sim loves a lot of things.
He loves his dog, Layla.
He loves his family.
But he especially loves School Spirit Fridays, In fact, those are the days he looks forward to most on school days simply because It means he gets to see you all dolled up in your cheerleading uniform.
You are [Y/n] [L/n] the cheer captain you were the kind of girl that guys wanted and girls wanted to be. Jake believes you came from another planet simply because you were able to pull off the hideous school color combination of red and yellow, now normally, these colors together would be fine but the problem was all people could think about was McDonald's when looking at the cheer team. While you managed to pull it off others looked like they should pull it off since it didn't suit them. On these specific days Jake makes sure to show up in rooms or hallways he knows you walk down simply so he could catch a glimpse of you and if he was fortunate enough he’d catch a whiff of your strawberry-scented perfume. Naturally, his friends make fun of him for this and tease him relentlessly, especially Niki the youngest of his friends, “Dude, you really need to stop with the [Y/n] obsession.” The tall boy teases, “It's seriously embarrassing for you.” He finishes but Jake just brushes him off “You don't understand Niki.” He sighs blissfully, “It's not an obsession, it's love.” Jake states, staring at you with heart eyes as you walk past him once again, “Listen, Jake,” Niki chuckles at his hyung, “You should try just talking to her,” Niki shrugs, “Besides the worst that can happen is she’ll reject you.” This makes Jake whip his head towards the boy with a scowl on his face, “What! No way dude!” He refuses, “What if she thinks I’m weird or something? Or what if she laughs in my face!” He spirals his fingers tugging at his hair in worry.
Meanwhile, you walk into your next class and search the room for the familiar head of your friend Mina. Once you find her you quickly rush over, “Mina!” You squeal, “Guess who I saw again!” You giggle girlishly, and she rolls her eyes, every Friday you do this. you walk down the same hallways so that you can see the boy you for some reason think is cute. She sighs, “Was it your little hallway crush again?” She guesses gruffly, you sequel again and nod your head violently, "Yes, I saw him again!” you smile widely, she laughs at your actions and pats your head making you pout, “You should seriously just go up and talk to him.” she tries to reason with you “Besides no guy could turn the cheer captain down.” She encourages but this just makes you pout more, “But what if he only says yes because I’m the cheer captain?” you cry out “Nah, I’m sure he wouldn’t do that.” She tries to comfort you.
Later you’re sat in class staring at the clock as the minutes tick down until lunch begins. You groan and place your head on the cold surface of your desk glancing over at Mina who is paying attention to the lesson up front. “Psst!” You hiss out trying to catch her attention “Mina!” You whisper shout in her direction finally gaining her attention from a few seats away, she side-eyes you before rolling her eyes and finally paying attention to you, “I'm so boreddd~” you moan out quietly so you don't get in trouble with your teacher, “And what does that have to do with me.” She whispers out sharply, and you groan again, shifting positions “Nothing, I guess but I need you to cure me of it.” You say your voice muffled by your desk, she chuckles at you before turning back towards the front. After she stops paying attention to you you start thinking of random things like what your next cheer choreography should be, and the one you spend the most time thinking about, your hallway crush.
On Fridays you always see him heading down the same hall as you and your heart skips a beat, you’ve always thought he’s rather cute and you like the glasses he wears, not to mention his accent, gosh do you love a man with an accent. When you stop daydreaming you glance up at the clock and see there's still a whole five minutes before class ends, groaning you place your head back on your desk and jump at how cold it is you hate how cold this teacher leaves his classroom so you try to pull your skirt down lower on your legs to try and stay warm, your saving grace being your long-sleeved uniform top but even the fabric was rather thin and didn't fight well against the elements, but you always made sure to wear it on School Spirit Fridays since you are the captain. You somehow manage to fall asleep and abruptly wake up when you hear the bell go off as you jump to your feet and rush out of the classroom and towards the cafeteria unfortunately for you, you're not watching where you’re going, and end up crashing into some poor individual sending you both down crashing to the cold tile floor. When you look down to who you’ve crushed underneath you you’re mortified to find it's your hallway crush.
Jake’s eyes widen as he sees the incoming floor after somebody had rudely shoved him, when they both fell to you floor the person had somehow managed to fall on him, I mean the nerve of some people, but when he glimpses over his shoulder to see his attacker he catches a whiff of perfume he could never forget, his eyes trail up and land to see your blushing face. No. Fucking. Way. He nearly combusts, but before he can even say anything you’re quickly rushing to get off of him spouting out intelligible words and all he can catch is “I am so, so sorry!” He smiles at you and pushes himself up too before speaking, “N-no worries.” He tries to calm you down but keeps stuttering over his words, you giggle at how cute the boy in front of you is but you immediately regret it because his face looks scared and you immediately apologize again “Sorry, sorry I promise I’m not laughing at you it’s just you look really cute.” You accidentally blurt out the last part, at hearing your words Jake’s face feels like it’s on fire, he can’t seem to get any words out of his mouth, you being the overthinker you are think his wide eyes mean he’s taken offense to your rushed compliment and you immediately try to apologize but his face begins to show a large grin and he starts to laugh you stand there confused but you then join him laughing at the ridiculous moment you shared. Jake’s laughs slowly die down as he wipes an imaginary tear away “Sorry I didn’t mean to laugh it's just that I think you’re really cute too.” He smiles at you and suddenly it feels as if your whole world is brighter, you shyly thank him and offer to buy him lunch as an apology, Jake swears he's dead and has gone to heaven, “Oh, Uhm sure.” He agrees trying to act nonchalant but you can still see the flush on his face, you then grab his large hand in yours and walk off towards the cafeteria leaving both your friends and his standing there in disbelief at what just happened.
Back at the cafeteria you and Jake sit and start to get to know each other, you talk about a lot of different things, and he ends up showing you a picture of Layla and you instantly fall in love with her, “Oh my gosh!” You squeal, “She is so adorable!” you take his phone from his hand and start admiring the photo up close, Jake laughs at your reaction and grabs his phone from your hands brushing his fingers against yours in the process, causing the both of you to blush, “Uhm, If you want I could introduce you to her someday.” He says shyly avoiding eye contact with you and rubbing the back of his head, You quickly grasp his free hand leaning over the table and pressing it against your chest “Really? You’d do that!” You ask excitedly, his eyes dart down to where his hand is and immediately looks away nodding his head, “Y-yea.” He gulps, and you smile brightly at him, “Oh,” you gasp, “I forgot to introduce myself, I’m [Y/n}.” you say sweetly, he smiles back and you mumble a quiet “I know.” you ask if he said something but he shakes you off and says “Oh, I said I’m Jake.” You mentally congratulate yourself on figuring out your hallway crush’s name “You have a nice name, Jake.” You compliment, he stutters out a meek “You too [Y/n].” causing you to giggle.
After that day you would always seek the boy out during lunch so you could talk to him more, the more you got to know him the more you fell for him, little did you know he felt the same way, he couldn’t believe the girl he’s been crushing on since sophomore year was actually talking to him, he knew you were pretty but you also had a great personality on top of that? God, he's in love. You’ve been hanging out for a couple of weeks now when he finally offers to have you meet Layla.
Jake stands there next to the gate of the school waiting for your cheer practice to end and for the two of you to walk to his house together, he waits there for a few more minutes before he sees your figure in the distance jogging towards him and shouting his name, he thinks you’re so adorable your school uniform is neat and you somehow still look perfect even though you've just finished jumping around for an hour, when you finally reach the boy you practically jump him wrapping yourself around him like a koala, as he rushes to catch you, you both stand there for a moment giggling to yourselves before you finally let go and grab his hand to start dragging him away from the school, “Come on Jake, we can’t keep Layla waiting.” You laugh out, he smiles at you as you drag him away chuckling at how perfect he believes you are.
After Jake stears you the correct way to his house he pulls his keys from his backpack and unlocks the door, the first thing you’re greeted with is the golden border collie jumping up onto Jake and the sweet sound of his laughter, you coo at the scene and immediately drop your things to rush over and start babying the good girl, she definitely enjoys the attention and starts to jump onto you making you laugh as she tries to lick your face, Jake is nervous that you won’t like that so he tries to assist you in getting her off of you but you glare at him and he puts his hands up in surrender and lets the puppy continue to tackle you. After playing with Layla for a few hours you both decided to watch a movie, you wanted Barbie movies but Jake insisted you watch the Andrew Garfield Spiderman movies, after playfully arguing and a game of rock paper scissors to see which movie you’d watch the winner came out to be Jake, so as he opened the app to watch them, you sat on his living room couch cuddled up with Layla laying over both of your laps.
You were now on the second movie and you had shifted over closer to Jake and laid your head on his shoulder, Jake felt that he needed to stay perfectly still but that made you more uncomfortable so you looked up at him and when you did, you noticed him already looking at you. Your faces are inches apart, he could feel your breath fanning over his face, your noses brushing against each other, Jake’s gaze drops to your plump lips and he gulps his Adam's apple bobbing, you stay there staring at him for a couple of seconds before closing the gap and pressing your lips against his, you can feel his glasses bump into your face and your nose brushing against his flushed cheek, your lips splitting as you hear a wet pop, all the color drops from your face and you start to sputter out an apology “I’m so so sorry oh my god,” You panic, “I should definitely not have done that I’m so sorry I-” “[Y/n]” Jake tries to butt in “I’m so so-” you’re suddenly cut off by Jake placing his hands on your flushed cheeks and pulling you in for a second kiss, this kiss is more passionate than the one you shared before and it pulls you in deeper and deeper, it's dizzying the way Jake kisses you it's messy and desperate but more than anything it perfect.
After kissing for a few minutes you finally pull apart from each other and Jake rests his forehead against yours both of you stilling trying to catch your breath eyes closed but holding each other tightly in your arms, After catching his breath Jake finally works up the courage to ask you out, “Uhm,” He breathes out his voice hoarse, You stare at him with your foreheads still connected, “c-can I be your boyfriend?” He asks, his voice hesitant but filled with hope, you quickly pull your forehead away before tackling him to lay down on the couch, your arms wrapped around his neck and your face on his chest breathing in his cologne, “Only if you’ll let me be your girlfriend.” You giggle out, “It’s a deal.”
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#x reader#fanfic#enhypen#enha x reader#sim jaeyun#sim jake#enha#enha fics#enhypen x reader#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x y/n#enhypen x you#jake sim#jake#enhypen jake
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Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU (SERIES 2)
FIRST PART (SERIES 1) >> PREVIOUS PART >> NEXT PART
In "Lancelot and Guinevere"
Merlin and Morgana in the Burial Vault.
Morgana: Scéawere, inbringe cume mec (her eyes glow and a mirror that is on the floor levitates and goes to her until it lands in her hand) I did it! (jumps excited)
Merlin: (happy and proud of her) And in your very first spell! You are a natural.
Morgana: Scéawere, folge min bebod (her eyes glows and the mirror levitates again. She giggles as she watches the mirror dancing around her) This is easier than I thought. (stops watching the mirror to look at Merlin) How is that-
Merlin: Don't lose concentration!
Too late. The mirror falls to the floor and breaks.
Morgana: (sighs, sad) I thought I got the handle of it.
Merlin: You have it! It takes most magic users years to achieve what you just achieved. And that's because they have to grow and strengthen their magic before they are able to control it at their will. Your magic, however, is already strong. Spells are just helping you to guide it and have it under your command. (looks the broken mirror on the floor) Betan Scéawere (his eyes glow and the mirror repairs itself, back to new) Once you master that, you'll be able to even do some spells non verbally (his eyes glow and the mirrow levitates to his hand) Like this.
Morgana: (smiles and looks at her hand or rather the magic emanating from it) Since I came to Camelot I've been told that magic was a dark art and could only be a force of evil (picks up the magic book Merlin gave her to study) But there are so many helpeful spells here that could bring so much good to the people of Camelot. The healing spells for example, how many lifes could they have saved! If Uther weren't so-
Merlin: I know. Once Arthur is King that will change.
Morgana: ...
Merlin: What is it?
Morgana: You said Arthur didn't react badly when you told him, right?
Merlin: Yeah, it surprised me a lot, to be honest. Not that I thought he would order my execution or anything, but he wasn't even a bit mad for lying to him about my magic. (thougthful) Sometimes I think... Maybe he is enchanted?
Morgana: Don't be ridiculous. He is just in love.
Merlin: (blushes, but thinks) But... Being in love didn't stop him from getting mad at Guinevere when she cheated on him. Not that lying about my magic can compare to that, but... sometimes he acts so different from the Arthur I remember...It makes me wonder if-
Morgana: Stop it.
Merlin: What?
Morgana: Doubting Arthur's love for you. You are not just hurting yourself with your doubts, you'll hurt Arthur if you keep doing that.
Merlin: You are right. I'm sorry. (pauses) Why are you asking about Arthur's reaction? Are you planning to tell him?
Morgana: Well, not now, but... maybe soon? At least, I'm considering it.
Merlin: (smiles reassuring) Take all the time you need.
Time skip. In Merlin's chambers.
Merlin: (enters, cautiously)
Arthur: (in the middle of the room) Where were you?
Merlin: (almost jumps out of his skin) Arthur! What are you doing in my room?
Arthur: I asked first. (aproaches Merlin, warning) If you are doing dangerous missions behind my back-
Merlin: I'm not! I promised you I would never do that again without consulting you, didn't I?
Arthur: You also promised me you'll never hide anything from me again, so... (crosses his arms) Where have you been disappearing to? Don't think I haven't noticed.
Merlin: (sighs) I've been... helping someone.
Arthur: Helping? Who?
Merlin: I can't tell you their name, but they are... like me.
Arthur: (realises) A warlock?
Merlin: (nods, happy Arthur remember the term) They have nobody else that can teach them how to control their gift, so I'm helping them.
Arthur: So you are basically their mentor?
Merlin: (shrugs) I guess?
Arthur: (sighs) Only you Merlin would start teaching sorcery in a kingdom were magic is illegal.
Merlin: (takes Arthur's hand in his) We are very careful, I promise.
Arthur: (soften his expression at the gesture) Do I know this person?
Merlin: (nods) I can't tell you who, but she-they are trustwordy. You have nothing to worry about.
Arthur: (smiles, realising it's Morgana) Alright. (pulls Merlin close) I'm still quite offended though.
Merlin: (confused) Why?
Arthur: You are showing your magic to this stranger while you have shown me barely anything.
Merlin: (surprised) You... want me to show you my magic?
Arthur: Well, I always see a bit of it when we kiss (Merlin shoves him and Arthur laughs), but, besides the butterfly you did when you told me your secret, you never do magic before me willingly.
Merlin: Well, magic is still illegal.
Arthur: You know what I mean.
Merlin: I lighted a candle.
Arthur: Because I ordered you to.
Merlin: (evades his eyes) I... didn't think you wanted me to. I mean, I know you don't hate it, but... I don't know... I guess I just didn't want to make you unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Arthur: Merlin, (lift Merlin's chin with one hand) when I said I loved all of you, I was serious. I love you, not despite your magic, but with your magic for it is part of you. I love your magic as much as I love you.
Merlin: (his eyes water) You... can't just say things like that. (thinking) You make it difficult not to believe you are actually enchanted.
Arthur: (smiles and holds his hands lovinly) Come on. Show me something.
Merlin: (looks at the fireplace and extends a hand) Upastige dracas (his eyes glow and three dragons of fire come from out of it and fly around the room)
They both have the same flashback. Arthur recently wounded by Mordred, lying on the grass, while Merlin made a little dragon of fire. Arthur wasn't able to appreaciate it then, too in shock to learn his best friend was a sorcerer and lied to him, hurting metaphorically at the betrayal and literally for the wound. Merlin fearing he'd lose Arthur forever, blaming himself for not getting there in time. That dragon was shy, it dissapeared as soon as it appeared. The dragons the Arthur watches right now are more defined and fly freely. And Merlin no longer awaited his reaction with fear, but expectantly, blushing like this was something intimate and it is.
Arthur: (with a loving smile) It's beautiful.
Time skip. Another day. Merlin and Morgana in the Burial Vault.
Morgana: Baern. (her eyes glow and a candle is lighted, but it soon goes out)
Merlin: It's okay. We should rest a bit-
Morgana: (Stubborn) No! I have it. Baern! (her eyes glow and the candle is lighted but the flame leaps too high)
Merlin: Færblæd wawe! (his eyes glow and blows the fire with an air current) Maybe is too soon to start with fire spells.
Morgana: You said it was the easier element to conjure!
Merlin: Yes, but it's also the most dangerous one. And conjuring fire and controlling fire are two different things. You had a bad experience with fire before, it's normal that your magic is hesitant to create it. You just need more time-
Morgana: (desperate) NO! I don't have time! I need to learn how to use it NOW!
Merlin: What do you mean? (opens his eyes in realisation) Morgana did you have another vision?
Morgana: ...
Merlin: What was it about?
Morgana: I was visiting my father's grave with Gwen like I always do every begining of spring and... we got captured by some men in the way.
Merlin: (thinking) That's when they tried to kidnap Morgana for ransom and took Gwen instead (says) Begining of spring...that's tomorrow! 😨 Are you planning on going?
Morgana: I thought about not going but... then I'll be fearing this will happen any other time I'm on a pilgrimage to my father's grave. Or any time I leave the castle. I can't live like that. I won't let the fear of my nightmares control me. (thinking) Not again.
Merlin: So you wanted to learn fire spells to defend yourself.
Morgana: And Gwen.
Merlin: (surprised) You are still going with Gwen? I thought you'll make her stay to keep her safe.
Morgana: I would, but she has always accompanied so if I tell her not to go, she'll know something is up. And if I tell her the reason-
Merlin: She'll insist in coming with you anyway and you can't deny her.
Morgana: (sighs) Yes.
Merlin: And you didn't tell Arthur either because he'll out right forbid you from going. (sighs) Alright, Lancelot and I will come with you to protect you.
Morgana: How? Uther would never let a couple of peasant men accompany us.
Merlin: Uther doesn't have to know we'll be there. We can disguise ourselves as knights to infiltrate in the scort, having our helmets on all the time so they don't recognise us.
Morgana: Oh... that's actually a great idea! 😃 (looks Merlin up and down) But... Are you sure you can pass as a knight?
Merlin: (frowns) What do you mean?
Time skip. Lancelot, Gwen, Morgana and Merlin in the armory.
Merlin: (dressing an armor that is quite large for him)
Gwen: Uhm...
Morgana: Yeah, I don't buy it.
Lancelot: (apologetically) It's true Merlin. You look too skinny to be a knight.
Merlin: (thinking) Is not my fault that I lost all my buff when I travelled back in time! 😠 (says) Can't you make me one of my size, Gwen?
Gwen: Not with so little time. And my father will wonder where all the material is dissapearing.(pauses and looks at Merlin, worried) Are you sure you want to go? If Morgana's nightmare comes true, you'll be in danger too. Maybe it'll be better if you stayed. Arthur will never forgive us if something happens to you.
Merlin: No! I have to be there!
Gwen: Why? I get why Lancelot has to come, he fights better than all the scort combined. But you? What could you do?
Morgana and Lancelot: (who know Merlin has powerful magic but can't tell) ...
Merlin: You need me there because... You need me there for...
Morgana and Lancelot: (sweat)
Merlin: For... For moral support!
Morgana and Lancelot: (sigh in relief)
Gwen: (chuckles) Whatever you say. (brings her index finger to her chin, thoughtful) Lets see, if we can't pass you as a knight maybe we can pass you as something else.
Morgana: Well as a lady I'm allowed to bring a scort of knights and all the maidservants I may ne... (trails off and turns to Merlin slowly, with a malicious grin on her face)
Gwen: (brings a hand to her mouth, gasping in excitment)
Lancelot: (just looks at Merlin in concentration, seriously trying to picture him in a dress)
Merlin: (open his eyes wide as he realises) No... NO! ABSOLUTELY NO!
Time skip. In Morgana's chambers.
Merlin: (sarcastic as Morgana puts make up on him) We can't make Merlin an armor, but sure, lets make him a dress. That's a lot easier.
Morgana: It actually is. And we didn't make one. Gwen just made a few alterations to one of my old one's. Don't move!
Gwen: (doing last adjusments in the wig on Merlin's head) There! Are you done, my lady?
Morgana: Wait... Done!
Merlin: Thank the gods! (stands up from the chair)
Lancelot: (knocks the door from outside)
Gwen: (opens the door)
Lancelot: Gwen, Arthur is asking for Mer-
Gwen: (pulls him inside, excited) Just in time! You have to see this!
Lancelot: Wait, this is serious. He's about to put the whole castle upside do- (cuts himself as he watches Merlin) Wow...
Merlin: (in a beautiful red dress, make up and a wig which hair covers his long ears) There is no way this will work. I must look ridiculous. Tell them, Lancelot.
Lancelot: ...
Merlin: Lancelot?
Lancelot: I think for the first time I understand Arthur.
Merlin: What? 😧
Lancelot: (chuckles) Don't ever tell him I said this. But you are actually very pretty, Merlin.
Morgana: I told you!
Gwen: (smacks Lancelot)
Lancelot: Ow!
Gwen: Stop flirting with my friend! 😠
Lancelot: I was not flirting! I was just complimenting her-HIM!
Merlin: (runs to look at a mirror and stares at his reflection, very surprised) I... I am...
Gwen: Beautiful?
Morgana: Stunning?
Lancelot: Femenine?
Merlin: Yes! How is that possible? I don't even have a breast!
Morgana: There are many girls that are flat chested. Is not that uncommon. And you compensate it a lot with your behind. 😏
Merlin: (turns to look at his behind in the mirror) How is that I pass more as a maid than as a knight? I feel flattered and insulted at the same time. (puts his hands on his waist and takes a deep breath) And how can you wear a corset everyday? I can hardly breath.
Morgana: You get used to it.
Gwen: Uhm... but he looks more like a lady than a maidservant. (to Morgana) Maybe we should have used one of my dresses instead?
Morgana: No, it's perfect. (smirks) Time to put it to test.
Time skip. At the training field. Arthur just finishing the training with his knights.
Morgana: (enters, pulling Merlin with her, whispering) Come on!
Merlin: (just lets himself be dragged around, his head down, red to his ears)
Morgana: (calls out) Your Highness!
All the knights: (turn and bow to her and Merlin)
Arthur: (turns) Morgana! Have you seen Merlin? He was suppossed to attend me hours ago. Someone else had to help me with my armor.
Morgana: I'm afraid not. But there's someone I'd like you to meet.
Merlin: (still with his head down, tries to hide behind Morgana, but she doesn't let him)
Morgana: This is an old friend of mine. Lady Merelyn of Essetir. She is a bit shy, but she came from very far away to meet you. I was hoping you could give her a tour around the castle.
Arthur: (kind of annoyed) Did my father put you up to this?
Morgana: (confused) What?
Arthur: I told him I'm not interested in-
Merlin: (finally has the courage to lift his head)
Arthur: (Arthur exe has stopped working)
Merlin: (nervous, in the lightest voice he can manage) It's a pleasure to meet you, your Highness.
Arthur: ...
Morgana: (having the time of her life) So... about that tour.
Arthur: (comes back to his senses, though he's blushing) Right. (to Merlin, smiling) It'll be my honor to show you around the castle, Lady Merelyn. (offers "Merelyn" his arm)
Morgana: (whispers to Merlin) Hold it.
Merlin: (whispers back) What?
Morgana: You have to hold it!
Merlin: Oh! (holds Arthur's arm quickly and very not delicately)
Arthur: (chivalrously leads Merlin out of the training field)
Knight x: (watching them in the distance) Poor girl. I have the feeling she'll dissapear.
Knight y: Has she been here before? She kind of looks familiar.
Knight z: No, I would remember a beauty like that.
Morgana: Hey! Is that the way to talk about a lady? Show some respect!
Knights: (hang their head) Yes, my lady. My apologies, my lady.
Time skip. Arthur and Merlin walking around the castle. People stare at them as they pass.
Arthur: And this is the banquet hall where we have feasts and parties, my lady.
Merlin: (just hums in response and thinks, confused and kind of hurt) He hasn't recognised me yet?
Arthur: (leads Merlin to a more apart place)
Merlin: (thinking) Wait, where is he taking me? What intentions does he have with Merelyn?! 😠
Arthur: (looks around to verify they are alone and suddenly burst out laughing) Oh, Gods! Of all the crazy things you've done, Merlin. You outdid yourself this time.
Merlin: (dumbfounded) You... know it's me?
Arthur: Like I wouldn't recognise that stray kitten face anywhere.
Merlin: Better a kitten face than a toad face. (shoves him) Why didn't you say anything before, you scared me!
Arthur: I couldn't! The knights were there and then the servants. I needed to make sure we were alone. And what do you mean I scared you? (pauses) Wait, what did you think I was doing?!
Merlin: You brought a lady to a hidden place! What was I supposed to think?
Arthur: (stares at him for a second and then laughs again) You were jealous of yourself and I'm the jealous obnoxious prat?
Merlin: I still stand by that!
Arthur: Why are you even dress like a girl anyway? Is this a new hobby of yours? 😏
Merlin: (blushes) No! Is nothing like that! It's part of a plan.
Arthur: (incredulous) A plan?
Merlin: To protect Morgana and Gwen.
Arthur: (his smile fades) What?
Merlin: Don't get mad at her, but Morgana had a dream where she and Gwen got captured by some bandits in her pilgrimage to her father's grave, so I suggested her to infiltrate Lancelot and me in her scort so Lancelot and I will be able to protect them if that were to happen. But apparently I don't make a believable knight so... I'm accompanying her as her maid.
Arthur: (thinking) That ambush! I forgot about it! (says) First, I agree on the knight part. Second, ARE YOU INSANE?! 😡 I'm not letting any of you go to that pilgrimage!
Merlin: And that's why Morgana didn't tell you. If the bandits don't capture them today they could capture them any other day and you can lock Morgana and Gwen up in the castle forever. But if I go with them I can defeat these bandits with my magic and the threat will be gone for good.
Arthur: There are many knights in that scort. They could see you!
Merlin: Which is why Lancelot is coming too. He can cover me. And even if someone were to spot me using my "gift", they'll think Lady Merelyn did it, not me.
Arthur: Fine. But I'm coming with you.
Merlin: You can't! You have duties to attend to here and if you cancel them your father will be furious. We are on thin ice with him, remember?
Arthur: (troubled, thinking) He's right but... this could also be a perfect opportunity to reduce numbers. 280, 280 left. It's still not enough. 280. Merlin could get worse! 280. I can't lose him again! 280. I can't-
Merlin: (holds his hand softly) We'll be fine. Trust me.
Arthur: (thinking, calming at Merlin's gesture) Patience. You have a plan. Be patient (sighs resigned, but then smirks) Well, I can't deny a lady, can I? (holds Merlin by the waist, pulling him close slowly) Especially such a pretty lady like this.
Merlin: (open his eyes wide, scandalised) Arthur Pendragon! Are you actually turned on by this?
Arthur: Let's just say I wouldn't mind you wearing dresses more often.
Merlin: (flustered, but then smiles and puts his hands on Arthur's chest seductively, moving his eyelashes at him) Oh, you flattered me so much, my lord. I don't know what to say. (turns his head away acting shy)
Arthur: (thinking) Thank godness this chainmail is long!
Leon: (enters) Your Highness? Lady Morgana is looking for... (spots "Merelyn" and Arthur)
Merlin: (pushes Arthur away from him inmediatly, making him fall to the floor, and gives his back at Leon so he doesn't recognise him)
Leon: ... her new maid.
Arthur: (stands up from the floor as royaly as he can) Sir Leon! Uhm, what is that brought you here again?
Leon: (hides his anger in apparently finding his Prince in an affair with another girl, putting on neutral face and voice) Lady Morgana is expecting Lady Merelyn in the main square to go to her pilgrimage.
Arthur: (thinking) She totally did this on purpose! (says) I understand. I'll scort Lady Merelyn there inmediatly.
Leon: (bows and leaves)
Arthur and Merlin: (look at each other in silence and then burst out laughing)
Time skip. In the main square. Morgana, Merlin and Gwen with capes, ready to go their pilgrimage.
Merlin: (looking at his horse, sad)
Morgana: (to Merlin) I'm sorry you couldn't bring Princess, but it would be too suspicious if someone that is not Merlin is able to ride her.
Merlin: It's alright. I wouldn't want her in danger.
Morgana: Knowing her, she'd fight back those bandits too.
Lancelot: (already disguised as a knight, helps Gwen get on her horse) It's not too late to change your mind, my love. I rather if you stayed.
Gwen: (gives him a comforting smile) I wouldn't be at peace here, knowing you and Morgana might be in danger.
Lancelot: Gwen-
Gwen: I have you and a hidden dagger. Everything will turn out alright.
Lancelot: (squeezes her hand lovinly before going to join the other knights)
Arthur: (helps Morgana get on her horse) I hope your trip isn't too upsetting. And be careful.
Morgana: (smiles) Thank you, Arthur. We'll be.
Knight x: (about to help Merlin get on his horse)
Arthur: (interrupts) Let me.
Knight x: Sire. (bows an joins the other knights)
Arthur: (helps Merlin on his horse) I hope your stay in the castle was of your liking, Lady Merelyn.
Merlin: (giggles) And I hope my presence was just as likable, my lord.
Arthur: (kisses his hand) Have a good trip, my lady.
Merlin: (blushes, so he puts on his cape)
Arthur: (turns to the knights) Ensure you return to Camelot before dusk.
Knight y: Yes, Sire.
Arthur: (goes to Lancelot and whispers) Look after them.
Lancelot: (nods) Of course, Sire.
Arthur makes the signal with his hand and they set off. The prince stays in place just wacthing them leave. Merlin turns and crosses eyes with his prince and gives him a reassuring smile. Then they are finally out of sight and, after a minute, Arthur goes back to the castle.
Time skip. Morgana, Gwen and Merlin riding being escorted by knights in the woods.
Gwen: You two have been very secretive these days, my ladys.
Morgana: What do you mean?
Gwen: Well you seem to dissapear almost at the same time everyday. Is there something I should know?
Morgana: (looks at Merlin with a knowing look)
Merlin: (gives the same knowing look, smiling, and then turns to Gwen) You got us, Gwen. We are having a secret affair.
Morgana: (sings) We are so devotedly in love!
Gwen: (chuckles) Fine, don't tell me.
Merlin: (stops smiling, suddenly alert)
Morgana: (worried) Merl-Merelyn?
Merlin: They are here.
Bandits come out from behind the trees and run to them, shouting and running towards them with every intention to attack.
Knights: (on guard)
Merlin: (whispers) Tæfle!
The bandits that are riding fall off their horses, but the ones that go on foot still attack and fight the knights. Merlin deflects the arrows that are thrown at the knights with his magic, but is the much he can do without his intervention being noticed. Both knights and bandits start falling dead before their eyes, while Morgana and Gwen scream in terror.
Gwen: (looking around, shouts desperate) Lancelot!
Lancelot: (that at some point took the horse of a fallen knight, rides to Morgana, Gwen and Merlin) My ladys, follow me! (Slays a bandit that was approaching with his sword and rides ahead)
Morgana, Gwen and Merlin: (follow him, leaving the battle behind)
Morgana: (when they are far away) I think we lost them!
Suddenly the horses neight in pain and leap their front legs in the air, making Morgana, Gwen, Merlin and Lancelot fall. Merlin slows their falls a bit with his magic so they don't get injured. When they stand up, the horses have already run off.
Lancelot: Gwen! (runs to her an checks her) Are you alright?
Gwen: I'm fine.
Morgana: (shaking off the dust from her dress) Your lady is fine too, thank you for asking.
Lancelot: (embarrased) My apologies, my lady.
Merlin: (shaking off the dust from her dress too) Your friend is also fine, just so you know.
Lancelot: You are a man and have magic, Merlin.
Merlin: So I don't deserve to be treated chivalrously? Rude (touching his head) I can't believe my wig is still on after this. (notices some things of metal on the ground) Caltrops... (alarmed) They put them here. We have to run!
Too late. Kendrick, the lead outlaw, appears before them with 6 more bandits on horses and they are soon sorrounded.
Lancelot: (puts himself infont of Morgana, Gwen and Merlin, raising his sword)
Morgana: (shouts) I warn you! I am Uther Pendragon's ward. He will have your heads if any harm comes to me.
Kendrick: (gets off his horse) I have no intention of harming you, Lady Morgana. (comes closer) You're much more valuable to me alive. (looks at her lasciviously) You may not believe it, but we are actually good men. We'll make sure to make you feel at home. You will be so pleased with our company that you won't want to leave us.
All bandits: (laugh)
Bandit x: What do we do with the other girls?
Kendrick: (looks Merlin and Gwen up and down) They look like lady's companions (smirks) and they are not ugly. Maybe we can get some money for them.
All bandits: (protest)
Kendrick: Or! I could give them to my men as a reward!
All bandits: (cheer sickly)
Kendrick: Yeah, I bet you've never tasted a noble maiden before.
Gwen: (scared, her hand over her dagger if she needs to use it)
Morgana: (prepared to use her hidden dagger too and gives a stony look to the men, not giving them the satisfaction of seing her scared)
Merlin: (looking around for something he could use to knock them up, magic sparkling in his fingers)
Lancelot: (yells, furious) Shut your mouth! Do not contaminate the ears of the ladies. Your presence is enough.
Kendrick: Oh, I do plan to contaminate them in other ways.
Lancelot: (threatenly, pointing his sword at him) You'll be dead before you try!
Kendrick: (laughs) You are outnumber. If someone's dead here is you.
Merlin: (spots some tree branches, thinking) Please, forgive me.
Kendrick: (to the bandits) Take them.
Bandits: (get off their horses)
Lancelot: (on guard, ready to attack)
Merlin: (about to use a spell to throw the branches at the bandits)
?????: You four have got yourselfs in a bit of a pickle, haven't you?
Merlin: (opens his eyes wide, thinking) That voice... Could it be?
Gwaine: (appears on sight) Come on. That's no way to treat a lady. And we have three.
Merlin: (surprised and very happy, shouts) Gwaine?! 😃
....
Lady Merelyn everybody!!
Tagging @aceauthorcatqueen , @fallenxjas , @smileytrinity ,@lucifertookmyshoe , @an-entity-i-think , @thecornerofbelu , @griffonskies , @odinjm , @cinnabon-sweetroll-tiramisu , @thelady-mary , @bennedict , @nightninjaboy , @st8-of-grace , @starrieisdelusional , @error-username-not-available , @dogberryrowan , @jamieweasley13 , @tansyuduri , @tercais , @robynnemrys , @evadne01 , @serasvictoria02 , @hairdryerducks , @curiously-lazy , @harriettesthings , @andrealux16 , @wacko-weirdo , @greatdonutenemy , @yougottobekittenme , @anxiousosaurus , @kinkforwings , @someweirdassnamee , @impracticalantlers , @miyriu , @hobipabo , @whitemaskcd , @bogslob , @braziiis , @rubinaitoart , @thebigoblin , @toomanyfanficsbruh , @farmboyprince , @nonsensefunsense , @slightly-psycho-multifan , @jxmimac , @anarchelsworld , @beepbeep-yeah , @faithiikins
#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#merlin#merthur#merlin prompt#merlin fanfic#merlin fic#merlin and arthur#arthur and merlin#merthur fic#merthur fanfiction#merthur fanfic#merthur prompt#Arthur and Merlin travel back in time without knowing the other is from the future too AU
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!Spoilers Under The Cut!
A/N: SO...been a minute since I wrote fic but. Made sense since I have ideas floating around might as well write and share them. Please note not only am I rusty writing in general, this is my first attempt at these characters. Be gentle on me please XD. I do hope you all enjoy. Let me know what you think, and maybe I'll try and get another one out maybe before Act 2 drops this weekend. All this ended up being was a little drabble of a possible reunion between Ekko and Jinx because I need some Timebomb goodness. Isha making an appearance is a bonus! Fair warning I make some wild leaps about what goes on during Act 2, so beware this is based some of my speculation.
He lets it go on for a few turns into different allies before finally stopping.
Ekko knows his little shadow is nothing more than a child, judging by the sound of the sets on the stone and the occasional clang of metal being kicked or tripped on. He usually wouldn't be worried- but with no one chasing after and taking her back to where she belonged, he took it as the sign it was. To follow him so far means she is all alone. Having just gotten back across the bridge, helping an orphan wasn't something on the list of deep concerns. At least, not until it needed to be.
"As quiet as you are, I have to say it'd be easier to get around if you weren't hiding." He says softly. Light brown eyes peek around the corner, playing at being undercover without actually doing so. She is hard to make out in low and greeish light, but he manages. "You can come out. Not gonna hurt you. All safe, I promise."
His hair raises, though, when her gaze flicks back to where he can't see. By all appearances, she is getting permission. So the girl isn't alone. When she takes a few steps out, he tries to remain unsuspicious.
"Whose behind there?" He asks as he kneels while she approaches.
"Definitely not who you're expecting." A darker, familiar voice speaks.
Jinx hasn't even revealed herself before the instinct takes over, and Ekko grabs the little girl and puts her behind him.
Attempting to pull her away from the known danger sets off another problem, though- the little girl reacts as if she has been burned. Letting out a cry, she wiggles away from him quickly before running back and wrapping herself around Jinx. While she removes the hood of her cloak, revealing a far too proud smirk, another arm wraps around the kid's shoulder. His eyes quickly scan her other side. A few bombs are latched there, but no pistol or any of her bigger toys. It was not a situation he loved, but it was preferable to facing down a minigun.
When Ekko's eyes return to the child, he doesn't think someone so small has ever looked at him so frightened. Something screams this isn't right as he watches for a few seconds.
"Relax, this one, I'll admit, has a reason to be a bit jumpy." She says, directing the words at the girl. Then, leveling a look at him. "What was it Vi said you had to say when the two of ya caught up? About looking good for a dead person?"
"That makes three of us, then." He says back. "Wanna explain what is going on down here, seeing as you are my welcoming party."
"Ah, nothing much. War, revolution, infighting, and unifying! All of that. If you are looking for the Firelights, they aren't at the tree. Or what's left of it." She says with a wave of her hand and a shrug. The blood runs like ice at the words and he rounds on her.
"What did you-"
"Woah, woah, I didn't do anything. Those wackos from Noxus? They are the ones who tracked the tree. My only part was helping everyone out." She hisses back. When his face changes, so does hers—relaxing just the slightest bit. Helped them out? Months trapped away should mean nothing surprise him. But it does.
He sees her arms crossed, watching and almost waiting for him to decide how this will go. Deciding to match her lack of hostility, just this once, he looks around to the eerily empty and quiet lanes.
"Guess I got a lot to catch up on."
That brings a less taunting smirk to her face. "Just a bit."
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A Hero? Why did they all go to that so quickly? He never wanted to be a Hero, even now it was the furthest thing from what he wanted. He fought because he had to, he fought because he lost someone precious to him. It was never about justice, or doing the right thing. It was and has always been a very personal conflict for him. One he still battled with internally. There were things Starline didn't know and might never know. Which by proxy left Surge in the dark, as well. No he wasn't a hero, he was just a guy who decided to fight back when everyone else was running away. He was full of anger and rage, and just wanted to make Eggman pay for that. If not for Tails, and Amy he might have become a very different person.
" I'm not a hero... i wish everyone would stop giving me that label, and if you think GUN thinks of me as a Hero, you are out of your damn mind... "
He said rather bluntly to Surge as he was probably at the top of there shit list.
" GUN absolutely despises me... Because they can't control me. The first chance they got they tried to lock my ass up. Let's not pretend they hold me in high regard here. They tolerate me because folks would flip the fuck out if they made a move... Nah GUN only cares about how they can use me... and i ain't about to let them do that again..."
He crossed his arms setting the record straight, but Surge was right about one thing. Him rushing at GUN and losing his cool would only make everything worse. But deep down he knew this was going to end badly, GUN was cutting off there reinforcement and backing them into a corner. He knew tactic as he'd seen it before, and it was gun strat 101. The only thing that had not counted on was both Surge and Sonic on base and that may have been why there were stalling.
" And you think a GUN Cell is gonna make up for all the bad you did? That the idea? Cause i dun think that'll be how it works. Those cells suck by the way... the beds are the worst. "
He seemed to have calmed down at least and was focused on Surge, as he crossed his arms giving her a glance with those baby green eyes.
" They'll just want to use you... it's what they do, its there playbook... but if it's what you want whatever i guess i can't convince you otherwise... I just think this will hurt the kid alot more then it will help him..."
He sighed as he looked back toward the airship and fidgeted as he watched it getting closer. The massive shadow falling over the base as it and two other air ships came to a stop over top of HQ, as an almost imposing figure. Sonic felt the hair on his neck stand on end, as his bad feeling only intensified.
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There was alot that Kit and Surge didn't know about Sonic, and that statement proved it to Tails. But it was very hard for him to begin to explain it to Kit. Even then he doubted Kit or Surge would agree with it or even see it as a justified reason. But Death has a way of changing people, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. He remembered what Sonic was like when they first met, and how he just never spoke to anyone. He honestly thought he was mute for a long time but of course that wasn't the case at all was it?
But at least Kit was honest with him and he could respect that honesty. He wanted him and it was probably the first big step forward. He also didn't disagree with him either, Sonic could end Eggman in a heart beat should he want to. He could have ended him so many times but he couldn't do that not without souring her memory.
" It does help... If only a little ... "
He didn't think trying to explain things to Kit would help and if anything it might agitate him. Though he wished he could make him see things the way he did.
" There, Relay is set up Restoration Coms fully restored... Lanolin should be able to contact our forces outside of Restoration now. We should get Belle Bot someplace safe till this is over, if anything happens to her, we'd lose coms and more--- Know anyplace secure? "
The horrible awful truth was, Sonic lost someone so precious to him that it nearly destroyed him. He was so full of anger and rage when he first met him. But it was her memory that kept him sane, that made him unwilling to to take a life. Her memory that made him believe that people can change. He knew neither of them knew the truth, how could they? He doubted even Eggman knew about her... or how she'd died.
But losing Sonic's mother had been the hardest thing in his life, and he still wrestled with it. If anyone had a reason to kill Eggman it was Sonic, and yet his promise to her kept him from going through with it. But he didn't think Surge or Kit would understand that kind of promise, or what it meant to Sonic. How breaking that promise would tarnish her memory in his eyes.
It was something he could never understand... his own parents abandoned him after all.
"Really? And here I thought they came all this for a fucking tea party with scones. Obviously I know GUN isn't here to just fucking talk, and I'm sure they have their own plans to be a pain in the ass. Though in case you forgot YOU'RE the hero, even to their bitch ass's. How do you think they'll react if you go off the fucking rails. At least if I do it then it'd be way easier for The Restoration to cut me off real quick." It was a blunt and harsh truth, though being such a loose cannon came in handy in a situation like this.
"What do you take me for, a fucking idiot? I'm well aware that I'll have to convince Kit NOT to fight GUN and let them arrest me, and doing that will be like pulling fucking teeth. That doesn't change the fact I trust only you to get him home and to keep your mouth shut just where it is. I'm not telling saying you can't be angry, though take it from me, you don't want it controlling you." Until today most of Surge's choices were driven by her anger.
"Look, I know you ain't happy about my choice, though believe it or not it's for me too. I got shit I need to pay for, and not everything is as easy as changing and running around helping people. Sometimes jail time is need, though I'm sure we both know some crazy threat will come up to force GUNs hand to let me loose to help which could help me get out faster." Surge main reason for doing this was clearly for Kit, though another reason was doing it for herself.
"So if you're done arguing with me then lets get to this fucking checkpoint and make sure GUN knows trying anything stupid will piss both of us off." Surge was ready to start telling GUN to pack it up and go the fuck home, if only for the fact it would get Drippy home faster. "Besides, in case you forgot we got giant Momma Wisp up there." The tenrec doubts GUN wants to fuck with a Wisp that side.
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"Belle Bot wasn't designed programming of hacking, and it was something we put on the back burner as it was made mainly for defense purpose's. Simply put, it can't do something on this scale, though I suppose it'll work for at least jamming their communication and airships if need be. Belle Bot, run program delta nine B on all GUN communication devices and airship within range."
Belle Bot's eyes would glow green for a moment. "Executing command and calculating time until completion. Calculation complete. Command will be fully done in six minutes. Recommending to avoid conflict until process is complete." The bot would then put it's focus on completing the command.
"Why? It's not like you did this to me, and honestly I couldn't care less about your existence by this point. At this point my dislike for you is only because of how continue to let Sonic act so foolish and not convince him to end Eggman. Heroism is fine, though there's a clear line between heroism and stupidity. You and I both know if Sonic really wanted to he could end Eggman at anytime. I'm sure even you can, though you don't." For the most part Kitsunami had gotten past Starline's programming expect for a voice every now and then.
"So there's nothing to talk about as I just don't like you, though I can also admit I don't trust you either. Mainly because our points of view are so far apart and so different. If it helps I can say it's no longer personal as I apply this logic to Sonic and plenty of your friends." Kitsunami could now say he was mostly thinking for himself, even if most of his motivation was to help Surge.
#Blue Streak Speeds By#Sonic#Thundercracker#Surge#All Grown up and Ready to Fly#Tails#Sorrowful Storm#Kitsunami#tw death mention
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hi
I read your post about your courage to talk about tickling in therapy. And that you are thinking about sharing bits of it with us. ❤️🩹 If you feel comfortable? Please, do so. I started therapy a while ago, but haven’t had the courage or mental unloading level to talk about this chapter, tbh.
Hello!! I'm gonna use your ask as the place to talk about this, so yes, I really hope this can possibly be helpful to you and others!! This is mostly going to be about dealing with shame surrounding tickling and sort of...why I think it became a kink for me? Trigger warnings for mentions of grooming, sexual abuse, and pornography.
So, I grew up with unrestricted internet access as a child. My parents had no idea how to deal with growing technology, and they really didn't understand how to put child safety features on or how to even check the history, so I could pretty much do whatever I wanted.
From a very young age, I started experiencing the feeling that I thought about tickling differently than other people, but there wasn't really shame about it, I just knew that it...mattered more to me than others? I would describe it as more of a fixation, and now as an adult who has been diagnosed with autism, I'd say it might have something to do with that.
As a very young child, I would look up things about tickling, and I was immediately met with fetish content. Back in the early 2000's, even fanfiction was mostly sexual. Harry Potter ticklefics were all, like, an underage Hermione being non-consensually tickled by magical plants, or Voldemort or Snape using it to torture Harry.
As an impressionable child, I began to internalize the idea that this likely innocent interest in tickling was a dark, perverted sexual deviance and developed a debilitating sense of shame towards it. It's why the word would make me cringe, why I stopped letting my family do it to me, why I would feel disgusted and embarrassed when it happened in shows and movies.
Recently, my partner, our mutual best friend, and I had this very deep talk about fetishes. We all have one that we are deeply ashamed of (obviously I'm not going to share theirs) and both of them have never judged me for a single second about tickling. Whenever it happened in media we were watching, my friend expressed not knowing how to handle it for my sake, because I would very clearly get uncomfortable.
He encouraged me to really think about why it made me uncomfortable, especially in a room with 2 of the only people in my life who would never judge me for it, and I decided to take his advice and really dwell on it.
There had been a reason that I had to bring it up in therapy previously, it's a long and frankly far too personal story to share, but I had really danced around what it was and my therapist ended up asking if she could guess what I was talking about, and she correctly guessed that it was tickling. My therapist is super chill and comfortable talking about literally anything with me, and she didn't make me feel judged at all. In fact, she was like, "I think a lot of people find that hot as like, foreplay at least!" and fully promised me that it was normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
Basically, with a mixture of self-reflection, discussing it in therapy, and talking about it with my partner and our friend, I have come to this conclusion: Being exposed to tickling as a sexual fetish at such a young age, as a child with no prior concept of what sex was or consent or anything, I was conditioned by pornography and inappropiate fanfiction/fanart the believe that there is something perverted and predatory about me liking tickling.
As someone with sexual trauma that was occurring around the same age that I discovered these things online, seeing the constant non-consensual and underage elements in these things made me see myself in the same light as people who were abusing me.
The ironic thing about this is, tickling is not inherently sexual to me, but I never let myself experience it platonically until very recently, because I was convinced I could not separate the sexual aspect from the innocent fixation. Tickling between myself and my platonic friends, or just playful/romantic tickling with my partner is also fun for me, and it doesn't turn me on. But I really struggled to acknowledge that these things could coexist, because I only ever saw the sexual side of it at the most impressionable age.
I have really bad intrusive thoughts, and a lot of self-esteem issues that make it very hard for me to trust myself and view myself in a positive way, so my mentally ill brain essentially convinced me that I was perverted, that I was a predator, etc. for simply...liking tickling. Even though logically I can understand that I am not a bad person, I don't want to non-consensually tickle people, I value consent, all of those important things, I felt like there was just something inherently wrong about liking it, and so, while I have preached being comfortable with it on this blog, I didn't even realize how deeply I have hated myself for years for it.
That is one reason why I think this blog and this community have been therapeutic for me, and why I still rarely write NSFW fanfiction. Tickling is a kink for me, yes, but I can fully separate when a situation is sexual or not. Recently, I have been able to start healing this. The friend I mentioned earlier knows how I feel about tickling and is still comfortable with it happening between us, which has really helped me begin to view it as a fun/safe/platonic thing again, and I'm getting way better at not getting uncomfortable when it happens in media.
My therapist has suggested doing some deeper work on this, but I kind of feel like I got to the bottom of the problem and am already feeling a lot better about it. However, I'm sure it will come up again.
I just wanted to share this because I always said talking about tickling in therapy would be my worst nightmare, that I would never do it, etc. and it ended up being a really positive experience that has made me so much more comfortable in myself and liking tickling.
I hope this could be insightful or helpful to some of you!! Thanks if you read this far.
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So...I think I'm a demisexual lesbian
This road has been a long time coming but I think I might have figured it out. I'm still not 100% sure, this could be subjected to change, but this feels the most accurate.
My whole life, the only times I had a crush on boys, was when they were nice to me and gave me attention. It made me feel happy because I was so lonely. When I discovered I liked girls, the crushes stopped. I stopped having crushes on anyone for about 8 years.
When I would talk to boys recently, it was easy. I knew what to say and they would be interested in me. But when they wanted more...I got cold feet. I didn't want to give them more. I would basically ghost them.
With the boy I was going out with during the summer, we hung out twice. I personally wouldn't call them dates. He did everything right, he was respectful and sweet and complimented me. I'd do the same. But a friend had asked me if I felt a spark with him and truthfully...I didn't. It felt almost like complacency, like I could settle with him with no true passionate feelings.
I had to pump the breaks but we still follow each other on Instagram since it feels too rude to suddenly take him off when he didn't really do anything wrong.
I've just been thinking about this for so fucking long and I feel so much more for women than I ever did for men. The only celebrity men I'm still somewhat attracted to are Tom Hiddleston and Alex Vincent, but it feels more in a way that lesbians were attracted to Pedro Pascal. I find myself staring much more at hot women than hot men.
But, like Tiffany Valentine, I would only sleep with someone I love. My sexual attraction is basically nonexistent but I feel like if I met someone I truly love and care about and trust, I could be intimate with them.
And talking about this with my bff Jay (love you, my coven two @king-of-wicked ) yesterday, he made me realize something I always craved for.
I wanted the cookie cutter happy life. Big house, children, a husband...except I don't want the latter. I want the easiness that came with that life but not the man.
I hope one day I can be more open, I can date someone who truly cares for me, and I can come out to the people I care about in my life.
So...yeah. Demisexual lesbian here. I don't know why I'm almost crying just typing that but I am. I'm terrified but hopeful. I guess we'll just...see where it all goes now from here.
I'm about 98.5% sure this is what I am so if you actually read through my word vomit, thank you. I greatly appreciate it. I love you all.
Okay, I'm out~
#this was so incredibly long but i needed to get this out#i can't come out to anyone irl so y'all will have to do lol#thank you for being with me on this crazy af and wild journey#i think it's almost complete now :)#luna talks#admin#lgbtq+#queer#sapphic#demisexual#lesbian#demisexual lesbian
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if scars don't make man look good then being alive sure does
#mafia 2#henry tomasino#frank vinci#there's going to be a lot of text in hashtags here so first of all:#i gave up at things like “they wouldn't do/say that” at this point#ooc and “what if” are more interestning and entertaining for me sorry mafia fandom#i like to spin the plot and characters like a rubik's cube#so stopping w rat!henry and continue with survived!henry who's true purpose was to became the head of falcone family#so the drug thing was just a way to frame falcone and get vinci to the point where he decided to do away with falcone#because of the increased drug traffic#henry always struck me as the most conservative of the (relatively) young mobsters#so i guess he wouldn't have gone on about the drugs and gotten vinci's sympathy because of it#yet henry didn't expect an attack from the triads and the fact that he survived only reinforced his religiosity#now he wears a rosary and prays more often than he used to#<- i'm actually too lazy to think about the details of how it might work so whatever#and I know the mafia chief's photo wasn't on the wall#but it's more symbolism about the change of power and prioritizing religiosity over personality#i just think he could be a good leader + there's a lot about his pride here#and tbh i just wanted to see him with the scars but my brain can't do anything without a plot#and sunglasses instead of an eye patch#and yeah my brain refuses to believe that he was just overconfident and really believed that there would be no repercussions ->#for selling drugs under the nose of falcone who clearly wanted to become a monopoly in this field#also i don't really care that much about henry surviving tbh#i mean his death fits the story well because it's after all a mob story (no matter was he a rat or not)#(i'm being a bit of a hypocrite here bc i refuse to believe that joe is dead)#“survive and take power” version is just interestning for me#but if i put aside all of this ooc#naah he was too pathetic to do this fr#k im too lazy to write anything further#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me
#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything#guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of#and then distract myself with books and shows and nature#the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being#im losing interest in humanity and society#literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity#and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume#i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore#i feel so numb in one way#but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like#it wont even matter if i do#what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is#i dont even require that much#that is what is so .. terrible almost#i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into#i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here#it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so#because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that#so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck#i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people#without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters#besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life#so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me
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...
#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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...💩
#so i live in an apartment block#and one (or some) of my neighbours have started smoking cannabis recently (or something that smells similar)#i say ''have started'' because i haven't noticed anything until a couple of weeks ago#sometimes i can smell tobacco in the staircase but it has never really spread to my apartment#but the pot? my hallway REEKS of it#(=inside my actual apartment!!!!!)#and look. i could not give less shits about what someone chooses to smoke in their freetime#but PLEASE don't subject me to it ffs🤢#i have a suspicion which neighbour it might be but i'm not 100% sure so i guess there's not much i can do about it#however. the smell is so strong that it would make sense it's from a nearby apartment#and considering my next-door neighbour had a couple of visits from the police last spring... 😐#i know i'm not the only one bothered by the smell judging by the notes some of my neigbhours have left on the noticeboard of the building#i think these notes (''heippalappu'') are somewhat useless though because 1) the neighbour to whom it's directed may never even see it#and 2) even if they did i doubt it would make them stop smoking indoors#because i don't think it's a case of them not realising the smell might affect others#it's more a case of just being a dick and not giving a fuck about other people#just now i googled ''what to do when my neighbour smokes pot'' lol#but i couldn't really find anything useful for this particular situation where i can't be sure from which apartment the smell comes from 😑#and i don't really feel like snooping around behind my neighbours' doors like a sniffer dog to figure out where's the source of the smell#i live on the 3rd floor and as i said my main suspect is my next-door neighbour#and someone in the heippalappu was also suspecting a 3rd floor resident (''you know who'' they had written)#but then someone else had written they think it comes from the 4th floor so 🤷♀️#unless it was the pot-smoker themselves bluffing 🤔#i did find a reddit thread (in finnish) in which some people are like ''it's just a smell. deal with it''#ah! so i'm supposed to just tolerate the smell of pot inside my apartment! even though it's fucking disgusting! okay thanks!!!!!!#AITA for being bothered by pot smell inside my apartment caused by my neighbour lol
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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