#i guess its a requirement for friendship w house and that way he can feel loved bc hey that love for everything has to include me

[thankstothe]

dont reward that with food!

[wito-chan-bla-bla]

Xiao`s Voice Lines about (Y/N)

Xiao`s remarks about (Y/N) at different levels of friendship with him.

~

I fought mentally with my native language, in which everything has its own specific gender, and was able to write this work using "they". I hope I succeeded, if not to convey the character of Xiao, then at least use gender-neutral addresses.

~

About (Y/N).

I'm here. Why did you call me, Traveler? A? Talk about (Y/N)? Why should I know anything about some ordinary mortal? Don't distract me for such stupid reasons!

About (Y/N). (Requires a fourth level of friendship).

You keep asking me, don't you? You are the same as (Y/N). Yes, I do know something about them. They are persistent and will never back down from their own. Although they always care about the feelings of the people around them. (Y/N) looks a bit withdrawn, but it's actually nice to talk to them. They always know what words to say to make any creature feel better.

About (Y/N).  (Requires a sixth level of friendship).

As I said, (Y/N) is pretty pushy. They used to bring me almond tofu almost every day when we weren't well acquainted yet. Each time the dish looked different, as different decorations and even shapes were used to create it, although it was still very tasty. (Y/N) always watched my reaction carefully and asked what should be changed in the recipe. One day they slipped on the wet floor of a hotel and dropped a plate of almond tofu on themselves. I had to spend my time helping them clean up. Then (Y/N) suggested that I cook a new portion of tofu. It was... fun, I guess. They laughed so sweetly when I accidentally spilled flour... What? Am I blushing? I advise you to check your eyesight, because you definitely imagined it.

About (Y/N).  (Requires a eighth level of friendship).

What happened? Oh? (Y/N) gave me a package? Almond tofu? Well, I hope you gave them my thanks... w-what? They asked me not to stay long and come to their house as soon as possible?.. S-stop laughing, you have no respect for Adepti!.. Y-yes, we're dating. I didn't want to tell you this because I didn't know if I could trust you. Sometimes I feel like I'm hurting them myself, and I can't trust everyone. But since we've become so close… Can I ask you to keep them safe? At least from time to time? Oh, and one more thing. If you meet them next time, tell them to write all these embarrassing love words on paper. I don't want anyone else to "get" affection from (Y/N).

About (Y/N).  (Requires a tenth level of friendship).

I need your help. Yes, just like that. I want to cook for (Y/N) their favorite dessert, but I am not allowed into the kitchen without an escort. Our relationship anniversary is coming up, and I want to be the reason why (Y/N) will smile all day. Have I become sentimental? Don't be silly! I'm just trying to imitate you, people, and take care of my partner. By the way, what do you think, from which flowers should I make them a wreath and a ring? What? Can't you make flower rings? Then I'll teach you as soon as I give (Y/N) one. Or you can ask Qiqi. It was she who taught me how to weave wreaths and make rings out of flowers. Y-yes, I learned it for the sake of (Y/N). Stop laughing!..

Bonus (?)

Daily task: lover's safety.

Xiao: "Traveler, you're here. I didn't want to ask you to do this, but you're the only one I can trust. Please escort (Y/N) to the hotel. They stand nearby and watch the frogs jump. Tell them I'll be back as soon as I destroy the monsters nearby."

Paimon: "It's strange that Xiao asked us to escort his lover. As far as I know, (Y/N) is an honorary member of the Adventurers Guild."

"I think he just cares about his soulmate. A couple of Adepti can be in danger from any side."

Paimon: "Hmm, you're right. Although it is not surprising. Okay, let's go help (Y/N) as soon as possible! I'm sure they'll make us something delicious if we take them to the hotel quickly!"

[douxspider]

— 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞. 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦

‘PETER PARKER x READER INSERT’

— Senior year. You���ve been friends with Peter Parker & the geeks for a long time and homecoming is nearing. Your feelings for the boy with secrets, Peter, start to overgrow your sense of mind, and somehow it managed to get worse once Peter & MJ happened.

tags: canon divergence, jealousy, pining, secret identity, friends to lovers, mild angst, implied anxiety, near death experiences, carnival, far from home's ending didn't happen word count: 7,604 published: 9/28/20 ao3 link songs inspiring this fic: heather by conan gray, peach scones by hobo johnson

— — • — —

A long shaky exhale, blown from your pursed lips, before your fingers twitched and began to play the C chord on your guitar.

“I still remember, the third of December,” your voice carried out shyly, fragile, “me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you,” pausing, “only if you knew, how much I liked you,” your eyes darted across the concrete flooring, “but I watch your eyes as she…”

Another C chord, “Walks by… what a sight for sore eyes…” Em to Am, “brighter than a blue sky…” You dared not to glance upwards, completely focused on the dark tinted guitar resting in your lap, strumming along to your voice, “She’s got you mesmerized while I die…”

Taking a moment, you began to strum against the guitar harder, “Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty…” Closing your eyes tightly, you sang out, “You gave her your sweater, it’s just polyester, but you like her better.”

Your Fm chord began to give out. “I wish I were Heather…”

Stopping, you leaned back, hearing the city streets below you whir. Pulling your hands through your locks of hair, you moved your thumb down your face to gently nibble at the thumbnail, before giving a defeated sigh and shaking your head.

It’s not worth it, you thought, I don’t know why I bother with this song when…

Clenching your fists, you looked down at the street all the way from your parents’ apartment, watching the cars slow to stop, and accelerate to go.

“Pretty song, lady!”

You jumped, your heart pumping as you clutched onto your guitar and fumbled with the yellow guitar pick in your hands, your hands trying to catch it. It began to head towards the edge of the railing, and you gasped before webs caught it, dangling it in front of your face.

You looked up and saw Spider-man hanging down from the patio above, his white triangular eyes wide while he yanked the guitar pick into his latex covered hands and offered it. “My bad. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Tilting your head, you took the pick, murmuring out a thanks before curiously asking, “What are you doing here, sir?”

“Mid-day patrol.” Spider-man shrugged. “Got bored. Heard your singing. Came here.”

A little flustered, you couldn’t help but to smile and shake your head playfully. “It’s not good to slack off, Spider-man. For all you know, I could’ve been a siren trying to lure you away from your duties,” you began to tease, feeling it fall natural.

Spider-man’s eyes turned wide before he inched closer to you, upside down, peering at your face closely. You felt your facade drop rather quickly, your lips pinching together.

The hero drawled, “Well… ‘ya caught me.” He gave a chuckle.

Your face was most likely redder than usual.

Suddenly, shouting commenced from the streets, and you both looked to see a group of men running from a store-owner. “Duty calls, miss siren,” you heard Spider-man thud onto the railing, on the upside, extending his arms out. Before he left, he turned to you and gave you a two-fingered salute, causing you to stand up and watch him swing to the building across and chase down the criminals into an alleyway.

You clutched onto the railing, eyes watching the red figure before sighing.

You immediately dialed up MJ, your closest friend, who also happens to be dating the boy you’ve yearned after for years.

“Spider-man just talked to me.”

“Y’know, it was kinda flirty,” You spoke as you poked the flan on your plate, MJ pouring a concoction of syrups into her coffee.

“He could also be thirty years old,” your friend suggested.

Grinning while leaning back, you started, “What’s wrong with older men?”

MJ didn’t seem amused.

“Okay, it was nothing, you’re right. He’s a flirty guy. Playful. Y’know,” you waved your hand, “I get it. I was just surprised because he heard me singing…” you admitted, “I don’t really show everyone that.”

MJ seemed curious now, her head pulling upwards, dark curls framing her face. “Singing, huh?”

“My guitar.”

“Ah.” The girl ahead of you criss-crossed her legs up onto the seat. “I’m sure he appreciated the free music. Are you coming to the sleepover tonight?”

You blinked. It completely fell on you that Peter was hosting a sleepover— you all did a monthly sleepover to commemorate the amazing friendship you all shared. “Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I? Missing it is like missing a funeral. Not good on the resume.”

MJ smiled. “I better see you there. You’re in charge of bringing movies.”

“Movies?! Whose idea was that? You all know my movie taste is garbage,” you immediately argued.

With a snap and point of her index finger, MJ pointed at you, “Exactly.”

Sinking into your seat and letting your fork carve its way through the soft cake-like dessert, you pulled the flan to your mouth and let the milky and creamy taste melt at your tastebuds. Your eyes peered out the window, seeing a familiar red superhero swing through the streets.

“Guess I’m bringing movies…” you murmured.

—

“Y’all, Betty asked me to homecoming.”

The three of you glanced at Ned in surprise. “For real?” Peter asked out, and his voice caught you by surprise, you fought down the urge to just look at him.

“I know! That’s insane! I thought I’d have to bring Y/N as the like… friend date… no offense,” he held out his hand to you, of which you raised your own.

“None taken. I get it. I’m happy for you— how’d this happen?”

“She texted me,” Ned said with a grin, looking at his phone with the utmost happy expression on his face. You crossed your arms and leaned on one leg.

“Well, now it’s up to you, Y/N,” Peter spoke up from beside you as MJ moved to peek over Ned’s shoulder to look at the texts.

Jumping at the sudden voiced intrusion, you looked at him. “What’s up to me?”

Peter only gave a patient smile. “You need to find a homecoming date.”

You gave a fake disinterested groan, flapping your hand in the air. “Ehh… I doubt that. I’m good going solo, y’know? Gives me time to do whatever the hell I want. No required dancing, no forced conversation, I don’t have to follow someone like a lost puppy dog…”

“Why don’t you just ask Spider-man?” MJ teased as she sat down on the couch, pulling her legs up.

You rubbed your hand on your face, exhausted. “Are you serious?”

“Wait— what about Spider-man?” Ned asked, a look of alarm on his face.

“Nothing! Nothing about Spider-man. Michelle,” you pulled out with gritted teeth as you placed your hands on your hips, “is just being Michelle.”

“Oof, that full-name reveal,” MJ said with a mock pained expression, placing a hand on her chest, “You wound me.”

“Nah, I’m curious about this Spider-man thing,” Peter spoke up while sitting next to MJ on the couch. It was nothing, really, you told yourself, but seeing the way the sides of their bodies touch nearly set you into a whole different realm of insecurity. You watched as Ned peered curiously at Peter, who only shrugged at him and looked back to you. You wondered why they looked at each other like that.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “We briefly spoke. I don’t get why it’s a big deal though— he speaks to everyone. He saves the city, talks to civilians, it’s literally what a normal guy does. I told MJ and she’s totally blowing this out of proportion.”

“You should take him to homecoming,” MJ spoke, and the entire room just about sputtered in surprise. You got why you were surprised, Ned and Peter seemed to be on a whole other level of things you didn’t understand. Guy things, probably.

“No—” you immediately refused, “No, I—”

Ned interrupted with a knowing smirk. “What’s wrong with Spider-man?”

“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with him— I just—”

“You don’t like Spider-man?” Peter asked, and it almost broke your heart from the random puppy-dog eyes he gave you.

“No, it’s just I was already thinking of asking someone,” you blurted.

Oh, shit.

MJ frowned, cocking her head. “Didn’t you say you were gonna go solo?”

This is what happens when you lie to your best friends.

“I did, but that’s because… that’s because I didn’t know if he’d ever say yes, that’s all,” You explained quickly, hoping the subject would be dropped from the heavy matter.

“He?” Peter asked, “Who?”

Oh, god, Peter, don’t ask me—

The most random name popped in your head. “Brad Davis.” Shit, God, why him?

“Brad Davis?!” They all exclaimed.

“No, no, you can’t ask Brad, Y/N,” Peter cut in, “Not him.”

“It’s rather him or Flash, man,” you said with a crack in your voice.

They all groaned again. “Dude, just ask Spider-man, you’ll be better off,” MJ spoke up.

“Oh, yeah, like I can just waltz into Spider-man’s house and be like, yo bro! What’s up! I know you’re probably old and decrepit but I was wondering if you could stop your amazing heroic acts and come to a stupid homecoming dance with some jailbait?”

Ned raised his eyebrows. “Jailbait? Now, Y/N, I didn’t know you were gonna go that far for homecoming—”

“Listen.” Your interruption was quick. “I don’t want to ask Spider-man. Enough with the Spider-man talk. Literally the most random thing ever, thanks MJ for starting absolutely nothing. Anyways, I’ll ask Brad Davis, he’s...” Glancing at Peter briefly, you began to channel your feelings for your friend into Brad, “Cute, and a really nice guy. His laugh does things to my stomach, that’s how you guys know it’s real.” A few chuckles resounded around the room. “I know you guys didn’t always get along,” you gestured to Peter, “...but he’s changed. He’s sweet to me.”

That much was true. You and Brad often partnered up in AP World History, seemed like a cool guy, no longer pining after MJ. Seemed single enough.

Peter’s confused face dropped, and MJ shrugged, glancing from Peter to you. “Well, I think you guys would be cute.”

“I agree.” Peter smiled. “Y’know, I’m willing to put aside past stuff if he makes you happy, Y/N. Besides, we fought over petty boy stuff. Easily forgivable.” His arm reached the back of the couch, right behind MJ, you were hyper-aware of each interaction they had, even if it was nothing.

“Same, Y/N.” Ned was beside you, patting your shoulder. He then gave you a hug. It was so random, but you patted his back. “It’s okay to have a crush on Spider-man, though.”

You shoved him off. Everyone broke out into laughter, and you couldn’t help but to chuckle along, though your heart didn’t meet theirs. It never would.

If having a supposed crush on Brad Davis and Spider-man is what keeps me away from Peter, then it’s fine.

... you can read the rest of this chapter on ao3!

[marvinswriting]

trapped

ANOTHER BORROWER JANIS FIC? A N D IT'S LONG (ish)? wow.

Trusting Damian was probably the best decision of my life. Not that I've had to make many life-changing decisions. 

It didn't take long for Gretchen and Kevin to find out that I've been caught. It took them even less time to want to meet Damian for themselves. 

Even though they all knew each other now, I was still the only one visiting Damian often. Gretchen was still slightly scared and Kevin just couldn't be bothered. I mean, fair.

We (It was really just me) had made a new path through the house right to Damian's room but I was the only one to use it often. It leads behind an outlet abnormally high in the wall where Damian's desk was. He used to use it to plug in lights (as you would and outlet) but now it sits there without screws. 

But that's not where I was right now. I was sitting in the combined living space next to Gretchen. "I saw it, I swear."

She was whining about a mouse which, to be fair- was scary, but it wasn't near us right now so why carry on like this. 

"Ariel will get it, I'm sure."

"Janis," I don't think I've ever seen Gretchen this stressed. "It was so close to our house! We live in a pocket of room between beams of wood! It could be on the other side right now."

"But at least it's not on this side."

"Maybe not now but it clearly was." Kevin says walking into the room holding what used to be a bag full of granola.

I curse under my breath, taking the bag from him. "All of it?"

"And the rest of our food."

"Kevin, that was our stash for the week!"

"Do I look like a mouse? Why are you yelling at me?!"

Sometimes our dysfunctional family arguments got so loud I'm surprised we didn't get caught.

I run my hand down my face. It's still early, maybe six pm. We don't even think of borrowing until past midnight. 

"What are we gonna do?" Gretchen asks. She sounds like she might cry.

"I'll go get Damian." I say. We don't ask for his help often. Ever since that night, he just leaves out granola chunks once a week and I visit just to talk and hang out with somebody other than my roommates. But he did say whenever he needed help to get him, so-

"You can't go that way!" Gretchen hissed as I went to shift the block of wood we use as a makeshift door. 

"And why not?"

"Janis, are you stupid?" Kevin deadpans. "Gretchen saw the fucking mouse over there."

Oh right. Maybe I am stupid. 

Huh.

"Well, I can't just walk through the house."

"We can go borrowing on our own," Gretchen says. "You've gone soft and dependent, Janis. Damian won't always be there. What happens when we have to move, or he moves out? You're losing your skills. Look-" Gretchen throws a thimble at me- and hard.

"Ow!" I whine as it bounces off my shoulder.

"Janis four months ago would have caught that." Gretchen shakes her head, earning a murmur of agreement from Kevin.

"Okay, I'm shitty. Sure. Whats you're point?"

"We don't need Damian to borrow. We're borrowers. It's in our name." 

"Fine," I say, shoving borrowing tools into my bag. I get Gretchen's point. I also know she and Kevin don't trust Damian. But I don't see an issue with asking for help- at least not anymore. Maybe Gretchen was right, now I'm soft and dependent, but at least I've got a friend. Other then roommates that bully each other.

"Are we going now? It's still early." I ask.

"I'll do a quick lookout," Kevin says before disappearing. 

Gretchen and I stand in silence for a bit. 

"I'm sorry for yelling." She says quietly. We never apologize. I guess I'm not the only one soft. "After that night with the cat, when you met Damian- I thought you were dead. And yeah, none of us are friends but you're still my roommates. You're the closest thing to family a borrower is gonna get. And I just want to see you safe. The bond you've formed with that human- it's not it."

I scowl. "Sweet sentiment, Gretchen, but you don't know what you're talking about. You want to see me safe, well Damian is the only reason I am here and I am safe. You don't trust him but you also never put in the effort to try."

"All I'm saying is from an outside perspective, this is a sure way to get yourself killed."

"Anything we do we can get killed!" And we're yelling again. "Fall off a table, run into the cat, get caught by a human-"

"Yeah! Get caught by a human! You said it yourself, Janis!"

I cross my arms. "That's different."

"How so?"

"He isn't gonna kill me!"

"Intentionally."

I freeze, meeting Gretchen's eyes. She shrugs, seemingly happy her point got across.

I never thought of it. Damian and I had both been so careful around each other. It's never a thought that even entered my mind.

And I won't let it now.

I shake my head, regaining my composure and glaring at Gretchen. 

"You're wrong."

"Am I?"

"Yes." I'm determined to stand my ground and not let Gretchen in my head again. "Damian is careful, he isn't reckless. He sees me and another living creature, nothing less than."

Gretchen shrugs as Kevin walks back into the room. "You're funeral. I won't attend."

"Woah." Kevin holds his hands up. "What did I just witness?"

"I'm officially dead to Gretchen, I guess."

"Cmon guys." Kevin seems genuinely saddened by this normal occurrence. I'm cut out of Gretchen's life every other week. 

"No! I won't 'come on guys'! When Damian decides he bored with keeping Janis around and exposes all of us we all have to pay for her reckless behavior!"

"Damian wouldn't do that." I put my hands on my hips.

"Would he not? You're not even four inches tall. You think you have some big impact on his life? Your friendship isn't mutual! Unlike you, Damian probably has a life outside these walls! He doesn't care about you!" Gretchen's voice gets softer as her anger dies. "And I'm sorry the only way I could get that through to you was by yelling. I know its hard for you. But-"

"No."

"What?" Gretchen takes a step back at my cold attitude. Tears are burning in the corners of my eyes, but I refuse to let them spill. Kevin seems mildly annoyed at most. He looks like he could use some popcorn. 

"You don't know what you are talking about. You never put in the time to meet him and-"

"Janis do you hear yourself?! You've got the same two arguments. You don't know him, he isn't like that. How can you not see this only ends up with you hurt?! Emotionally or physically!"

Call me immature, but I don't want to hear anymore. So I walk away. I duck into my room, Gretchen calling after me. 

We still have a couple more hours until we need to borrow anyway. 

"Janis."

"Go away, Kevin."

"Gretchen is just looking out for you."

"She's doing a shit job at it." I look in my mirror past me to see Kevin hovering in my doorway.  He didn't seem to have more to say, so instead, he changed the topic.

"The Hubbards aren't home. We're thinking of doing a quick trip before they get back."

"Do we know when they get back?"

"No."

"Then that's too risky."

"You don't get to talk about risky, Janis."

I shrug. "All I'm saying is we can go four hours without food."

"Janis."

"Fine!" I throw my hands up in defeat. "I don't know what you two gain from a death mission or what point you're trying to prove, but let's just go get fucking food."

Kevin smiles, but it's forced. He isn't happy, he's just relieved he got his way without too much of a fight.

We don't take our normal route this time. We have to go the long way to avoid the mouse that attacked Gretchen. This route requires us to climb up and it leads out to the counter and its probably my least favorite course. 

I curse as I lose my footing on a nail and almost fall. 

"Jesus, Janis." Gretchen says from above me, but she seems more concerned than annoyed. 

"Yeah yeah." I mumble, regaining my composure and continuing to climb. 

We all make it to the entrance (without falling). Kevin goes out first to do a quick lookout and Gretchen and I stay back in silence. 

This entrance is also a broken outlet, but unlike Damian's, there was still power going through it, so pushing it open was always a dangerous task. 

"All clear." Kevin waves us out. "Ariel is on the sofa."

From the kitchen table, you can see the front door which leads into the living room. And sure enough, Ariel is asleep contently. 

There's a lot of things on the kitchen counter, none of it is food. A napkin holder is blocking my view of the front door, and there are a couple of cups scattered around as well as papers or any random object put down. 

There's a gap in between two counter tiles, maybe the size of my foot. It's an easy step across, but we have to be careful not to drop any of our tools down there. We'd never get them back.

"There's no food." Gretchen deadpans. 

"Really." I roll my eyes. After what my roommates said, I was feeling less and less sure that I should ask Damian for help. It made me feel guilty because deep down, I knew they were wrong. But- what if they weren't? 

Unlike you, Damian probably has a life outside these walls!

It'd be shitty luck, but pretty par to how my life generally goes. My pity party is interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. 

Shit.

We all collectively freeze as the sounds of voices fill the building.

"Guys!" Kevin the first to snap out of it as he pulls back the outlet, holding it for us. I nod and begin speed walking over when I hear a cry from behind me. 

I whirl around to see-

Gretchen's got her foot stuck in the crack.

Of course.

The voices are closer, and I'm right in the middle of the outlet or Gretchen. My mind momentarily flashes back to when Gretchen left me with the cat but we meet eyes and all bad morals disappear. 

She's crying and I can tell it's from both pain and fear.

I rush towards her, ignoring the cries of protest from Kevin.

My mind is in overdrive, picking up every noise while simultaneously blocking it all out. 

I can hear Damian and his dad, their voices clearly heading towards the kitchen, but my mind has tunnel vision, focusing on Gretchen.

Gretchen reaches out to me like a lost child. I grab her forearms and she does the same, and I lean backwards with all my weight. Gretchen cries out in pain but her foot doesn't move.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I look up momentarily and freeze upon seeing Damian enter the kitchen with his dad behind him. 

We're too late.

We're done for.

Fuck.

"Janis." Gretchen whimpers.

"I'm trying."

I bend down and grab Grechen's ankle, trying to lift her foot out from the source. I can tell she's trying to stay still and quiet, maybe they won't notice-

A shadow falls over us, and I freeze.

Fuck.

I don't even want to look up.

Fuck.

If its Damian, then that's embarrassing.

If it's his dad, then we're dead.

I glance up-

Damian is standing with his back to us, leaning against the counter talking to his dad.

He's blocking us from the view.

I could break down and cry in relief, but we've still got a problem. Upon seeing it’s sort of safe, Kevin rushes over to help. He lifts Gretchen up while I pull out her foot. Gretchen lets out a muffled cry but she’s free. She leans heavily on both Kevin and I as we make out way to the outlet again. I don't bother looking back, I'm busy carrying half of Gretchen's body weight.

That's gonna be sprained for a while.

And we still need food.

Fuck.

-

"Janis, I know it's you."

I sigh and step out from where I was hidden in the shadows. "What are you doing out here."

Damian is standing with his arms crossed the center of the kitchen, strongly resembling a disappointed mother.

"You guys were almost caught."

"Blame Gretchen." I shrug, avoiding Damian's gaze.

"Is she okay?"

"We're no doctors but she's probably not gonna be borrowing for a while."

Damian tsks. "You need food?"

"No, you don't have to worry, I can do it myself. I don't wanna be a bother you probably have other things to do-"

"Janis."

"Yes," I mumble, glancing up. Damian looks like he can't decide whether to laugh or be concerned. "What?"

"I offered. You aren't a bother."

"Okay," I said softly.

I guess I let Gretchen's words get to me more then I realized. 

Damian grabs granola before turning back to me. "What would you have done if I didn't see you?"

I shrug. "Died, probably."

Damian obviously did not like this answer. "Janis."

"What do you want me to say?! We're small and inconvenient and it's a big dangerous fucking world!"

"You can ask for help next time."

I hug myself slightly. "You'd get annoyed fast if I asked for help every time. I'm a borrower, I should be able to do this on my own."

Damian doesn't try to fight my point. "Can I pick you up?"

"Why?" I question but nod anyway.

Damian reaches out and gently scoops me up, letting me fall into the palm of his hand before holding me to his chest.

"Because I want to talk with my friend and not risk her getting caught. We're gonna go to my room"

Friend.

Take that, Gretchen.

"Okay." I laugh softly as Damian makes his way through the house.

tldr, gretchen is a bitch but its from the heart @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @sourishlemons @smallsoysauce

[fancyfade]

001: dc, 002: tank/jorgan, 003: hawkgirl >:3 (kendra saunders) oo4: dc/ swtor

from this ask list (link)

001

Favorite character: All time favorite is Jaime Reyes, but lately I’ve been reading mostly Damian Wayne and Cass Cain stuff

Least Favorite character:. I guess Guy Gardner, in that he’s one of the characters who, whenever he shows up, makes me think “Oh my god, not this fucker again”. Or the joker. I have similar opinions on the joker.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

 DickBabs (OTP)

 Anissa/Grace (OTP)

 Jaime/Traci (they’re just cute together),

honorable mention to John Stewart/Hawkgirl from DCAU since that was my OTP as a kid.

 And I can actually only think of 4, unless I count any couple I have any positive feelings towards even if they’re very minute. I’m not a huge shipper in DC verse I guess.

Character I find most attractive: Probably Grace Choi, Barbara Gordon, or Talia Al Ghul

Character I would marry: I can’t marry any of the people on my attractive list, they’re already involved in my OTPs or working with the league of assassins!

Character I would be best friends with: Jaime Reyes or Cass Cain. They would both be great friends.

a random thought: Blue Beetle is one of the power houses of DC universe fight me

An unpopular opinion: I was wondering if this opinion was too unpopular but then realized that meant it probably belonged here if so: I just find Tim Drake really uninteresting.

my canon OTP: DickBabs or Anissa/Grace I cannot pick just 1

Non-canon OTP: I actually don’t think I have one… yet

most badass character: Cass Cain or Jaime Reyes.

pairing I am not a fan of: Spitfire god its just awful.

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): there are too many to list. Cass (retconning her out of being batgirl, dark cass  saga), Barbara (magicuring her), Damian (that weird prison thing, that ian and whitewashing thing that looks awful ), Talia (whiplash between morally grey and villain ball depending on whose writing her)

favourite friendship: Jaime/Brenda/Paco they are the best.

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: I’d adopt Damian or be adopted by Jaime’s parents (Berto and Bianca), since they are some of the most well-adjusted, reasonable good parents I’ve seen in DC

002 (tank and jorgan - jorgan being a SWTOR NPC and Tank being my SWTOR republic trooper OC)

when of if I started shipping it: Some time after Tank gets the dialogue option to gently rib Jorgan.

my thoughts: They are both obviously autistic. I mean Tank is my OC so I can make her as autistic as I want. But Jorgan is too.

What makes me happy about them: that they’re both autistic :P that you can have a dynamic where the female character is more teasing of the male character (where usually it is the opposite). That there’s a dynamic where the male character isn’t super overprotective of the female character. That they like sparring 2gether and its super charming. Many things.

What makes me sad about them: 5 years they spend apart between Rise of the Emperor and Kotfe

things done in fanfic that annoys me: I havne’t read many in a very long time so I can’t remember.

things I look for in fanfic: ditto

My kinks: I never know how to answer this part.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: IDK tbh. Tank can end up with ltos of people because she has great rapport and tension with a lot of people. I know when I ran an alternate universe bounty hunter Tank, she was in a relationship with Torian and Theron (not like… canonically at the same time none of this is canonical it was just who she was a) allowed to flirt with according to the video game and b) hit it off with) Jorgan’s harder to read. I put him as BFFs w/ Dorne, but not like… romantically involved. 

My happily ever after for them: they retire and spend rest of their days just chilling or training people but not getting shot at any more or having the responsibility of the galaxy on their heads anymore. Kids: Optional but not required

003 kendra saunders

How I feel about this character: I like her. I think she’s pretty cool but not one of the characters I go out of my way to read a ton.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: no one. Sorry carter (her canon ship at least in new earth). Haven’t really seen enough of her interactions to have the non canon ship yet

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I liked her interaction with John in Justice League so far

My unpopular opinion about this character: hopefully not unpopular but: The hawkman series 4 just is terrible writing to her. Treats her like shit. She has some strong characterization tied into one arc and then once it’s over they drop it ASAP and give her character traits that seem to be mostly just “the girlfriend”

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: they should have explored more her anger and the ND stuff They also should let her kick as much ass as hawkman.

my het ship: DNA

my fem/slash ship: DNA

my OTP: DNA

my OT3: DNA

my cross over ship: DNA

my kink: DNA

a head cannon fact: I actually headcanon hawkgirl as a slightly better fighter than hawkman - because he remembers most of the memory stuff in new earth, and she remembers the spaceship skills, I headcanon that she remembers all the skills better - including fighting

004 Oh man I have no clue. DC/SWTOR have any compatible characters?

I guess one I can see:

Elara Dorne/Cass Cain They were both raised by bad guys (Elara - the imps, Cass - Cain). They both left not because someone asked them to or because they were forced to but because they realized that what they were doing/being asked to do was wrong. They’re both obviously autistic. They both don’t socialize like everyone else - Elara is very formal and precise in most of her speech and adheres to rules and regulations because a) it helps her understand what is expected of people and b) they are used to enforce doing the right thing (remembering her saying that the sith discarded any rules any time they felt like it and killed whoever they wanted). Cass is obviously a little overprotective of her friends at time (remember when she knocked Steph out to keep her out of a dangerous fight?) and seems like some people read her as intimidating because of her past or difficulty with words (Tim said he was avoiding her because of her past at first).

Even if they weren’t romantically involved, they would get along great. I think they would both be able to appreciate chilling without pretenses or putting on social conditioning you don’t have. And they’d be able to share their hobbies w/ each other. And since Elara is a soldier, she could spar Cass! Obviously not w/ Cass’s talent in hand-2-hand but w/e

[whimsicalwhimsicott]

Human!Connor x Android!Hank AU

To the anon that sent me the reverse AU! I'll be writing more on this specific fic definitely.

*********

Connor first found the android loitering while he was on a case, dressed up in dirty sweatpants and a t shirt that looked too thin and too cold to be out in this weather. He looked down at the picture in his hand, laced between his thumb and palm. It looked as though this was the android he was looking for, although he was surprised to see an android in such a state. He was aware that there were many types of androids, but unaware just how many. This would be a learning experience.

When he approached, the android groaned as though he was the one to be inconvenienced. “Hello, my name is Connor, I’m the officer sent by the Detroit Police Department.” He held out his hand to shake the others, but it got slapped away. Confusion took his features, but he put his hand back at his side quietly.

“I don’t give a shit about who you are,” he snapped, and then turned to walk away. Connor decided he couldn’t let this happen and grabbed the man's wrist. The deviant turned around on him and pushed him back.

“My apologies, but you are the one who called us, correct?”

“Yeah, I called y’all, but I didn’t ask for someone to actually come out.”

“Unfortunately, the request and information you called about required a face-to-face interview. They sent me to do that. If I recall, you said you saw the murder that happened here recently? I would appreciate it a lot if you told me in person what you saw,” he smiled. The deviant grimaced.

“Why aren’t you…less…you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Cops hate androids, especially deviants.”

“Oh, I don’t mind them in particular, I think their cause was wonderful and historic.”

“What?”

“…How about this, you tell me what I want to know and I'll tell you what you want to know.”

“I don’t make deals,” he spat.

Connor just shrugged and turned away from the android, “Well, if you don’t want access to a crime scene, there’s no helping it…” he trailed off, starting to walk back down the sidewalk the way he had come from. He heard a disapproving noise, followed by one of thought behind him.

“My name is Hank.”

Connor stopped, turned to look at the deviant – Hank – and waited.

“My name is Hank, and I want to see the crime scene. I knew the guy, so I want to help.” It was Hank's turn to keep Connor there, but the human couldn’t say that it didn’t please him. He had expected his ruse to not work considering how hostile Hank had been at first, but maybe there was something else going on entirely. He also thought it odd that Hank's definition of friendship consisted of ‘I knew the guy.’ Nonetheless, Connor smiled and led Hank across the street and up the four floors. The scene was blocked off by tape with no officers present. Other than Connor, that is.

“Wow, he really lived in a shithole,” Hank murmured, stepping over trash and piles of clothes. Connor walked around carefully, noting each piece of evidence – just in case Hank got a little grabby – Connor honestly wouldn’t put it past him as he picked up a magazine from the floor. “I’ll be honest I didn’t think a kid would be part of this investigation.”

“I’m not a kid, and I’m the one they designated all android cases to so…” he murmured, trailing off and hoping that Hank got the point.

“Well, no offense, but anyone who looks younger than me is a kid.”

“Is that in your programming?” Connor asked, genuinely curious.

Hank went to answer, stuttered on his words, and then shut his mouth. The air became tense with the aftermath of a wrong question and Connor noticed it. He was first to apologize. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Hank coughed. He was trying to create noise to drown out how awkward these next few words would be. “Its not part of my programming, that’s something I picked up on my own.”

“Can I ask another personal question, Hank?”

“What, you’re asking me? I thought you were going to be rude this whole time, shoot.”

“What was you model designed to do before you became deviant?”

“Oh, when you say personal, you mean it. Uh, oof…”

“You don’t have to answer the question,” Connor said trying to be polite about it, “How did you know the victim?”

“He was a friend that found me a place to stay, gave me a few things to help me survive.”

“He didn’t let you stay with him?” Connor inquired.

“It was…well, right after the revolution. Humans were angry, androids were being attacked everywhere. He didn’t want attention drawn to himself and I didn’t want to draw attention to him either. Obviously it didn’t work.”

“Obviously.”

Hank knelt down to examine the blue blood splattered on the ground. “Poor bastard.”

Connor turned away to let Hank have a moment, pulling out his phone as it buzzed away in his pocket. A message from Fowler asking what he’d learned. It really hadn’t been much, so Connor texted him back as much. Looking out the cracked window, Connor determined that any more investigating beyond this point would be difficult. With the lack of electricity in the apartment, he decided it was time to wrap up. “Its getting dark, we can continue the investigation tomorrow,” he announced. Hank looked up from the floor and sighed, starting to get up and leave.

“You have a place to stay? It’s supposed to be well below freezing tonight, and I hear that while androids can’t feel cold it’s not beneficial for them to be out in this weather.”

“Well, when he kicked the bucket, all bets were off with my host. So I figured I’d find an abandoned car or something to sleep in.”

Connor seemed taken aback, and Hank rose one artificial eyebrow. “What? Why are you giving me that look?”

“Do you want to stay with me?”

It was Hank’s turn to swivel around and stare at Connor wide-eyed. “What?”

“I have an extra bedroom I’m not using, you can use it for the night. Besides it’s beneficial if we stay together. After all, you’re witness to the crime right?”

“I wouldn’t say witness…”

“You saw something, and that’s worth something. Please, I would feel bad if you froze out there.” Hank noted the way Connor smiled, and he wasn’t sure if it was sincere. He never got sincere smiles – mostly the ‘I’m going to kick the shit out of you’ smile – and was immediately wary of it. He stepped out of the apartment as Connor locked it up tight, re-tying the tape.

“You some kind of android lover or some shit?”

“I was empathetic to your cause, even going as far as to house some before the government granted your freedom.”

“What? You helped deviants?”

“Of course, they needed help and police officers are supposed to help.”

“Ah ah,” he clicked at Connor, “There’s more to it than that. You like androids.”

He hadn’t expected to get the kid to blush just from that, but he supposed he had uncovered a huge secret or something that hadn’t been told before. “Wait…you haven’t told anybody at your job have you?”

“It was illegal...I couldn’t exactly do that, I would have been arrested on the spot.”

“Shiiit, maybe I did misjudged you, kid. But yeah, a place to stay would be nice.”

“Not a kid,” Connor murmured hastily as they made their way down the stairs, “But I don’t live too far.”

-

As it turned out, Connor did live really REALLY far away from the crime scene, and even his job, and he walked that distance almost every fucking day. If Hank hadn’t been an android, he was positive this walk would have killed him, yet the kid hadn’t even broken a sweat. “I'm used to it,” he had said when Hank asked. Nonchalantly brushing it off as though it really wasn’t a big deal. Hank suggested buying a car, to which Connor laughed. “In this economy? I can’t even drop a quarter without feeling it,” he joked.

Eventually, they reached Connor’s apartment complex (a skyscraper, Hank swore) and took the elevator up to the 7th floor. It wasn’t that far, he figured Connor might have a penthouse view or some shit, but when they entered it seemed fairly normal. “The department provided me with the funds to rent this place, and I've been paying for it since with my paycheck.”

“I mean, it’s nice, I guess. I figured it would be more…decorated, but you don’t look like a decorating kind of guy.”

“I don’t have a lot of…” Connor started, but decided against admitting the obvious as he shut and locked the door. “Make yourself at home,” he said cheerfully, showing Hank the guest bedroom. Once he was sure that Hank was settled, he moved to the kitchen to start his dinner. He glanced at the calendar on the fridge, detailing what he would have each day of the week, before opening the fridge and pulling out lean hamburger meat and vegetables. As he prepped his food, he heard Hank rummaging around in the guest room. He tried to think nothing of it, surely he wouldn’t steal from Connor after such hospitality was extended.

He still worried, but didn’t investigate. He needed to trust Hank if Hank was going to trust him. The next thing he knew, his dinner was in the oven and he turned to see the android just standing there half naked. He jumped in surprise, eyes wide. “Uh, yes?”

“I almost forgot to ask if I could use your shower before I used it.”

“Of course you can,” Connor coughed, unable to keep his eyes from roaming. Hank was pretty damaged, as far as he could tell, and rather dirty. Several open wounds and burns distracted Connor from hearing the next words, and instead left him once again stumbling over his words. He didn’t want to ask…

“Humans are shitty,” Hank answered for him, “Get a good look, this is what you’re trying to turn around, right?”

“I certainly am,” Connor affirmed. If he had ever been unsure about it, he wasn’t now. Androids, deviants…people didn’t deserve this. “Is there anything I can do about that? I may not be rich but I could probably afford to get those fixed up.”

“Nah, it’s not really damaging to me, just a cosmetic issue really,” he tried to reassure Connor as he traced a finger over one of the open cuts. “Anyways thanks for letting me crash here, really.” And he disappeared back into the hall. It wasn’t long before Connor heard the water running. He stood there, stunned, feeling stiff as he finished baking his dinner, eating it in silence as the last of the light outside died down.

This was the right thing to do.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal�� for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[deeeelightfuldee]

day one

Do you only wish the best for your ex? yea I don’t want to wish ill for anyone.

How are things between you and the person you like? wellllllllll. today was the big break off. i was spending a lot of time asking for his time and he didn’t have anything to give me. i also really needed him to fight for me and he never did. i miss him so bad but I know he won’t message/call/see me. i bet he doesn’t even read these anymore.. goodness knows he won’t ever post on here.. that’s ok. time to move on i guess.

What were you doing at 4:00 a.m. last night? I woke up around 4 and felt super disoriented but I went back to sleep.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? i imagine charlie

What time did you decide to get out of bed today? like 730

Did you straighten your hair this morning? No. I had a very.. umm.. unexpected situation occur during my shower than made me run out of the bathroom screaming and then I had to like rinse my conditioner out in a weird way so it was not an ideal day for hair. I knew it wouldnt be tho.

When was the last time you laughed really hard? i honestly don’t know. I used to laugh all the time. 

What do you hear right now? i just turned off some other stuff and put on bobs burgers to try and cheer me up while I do this but I think its going to have to switch over to a movie.

If you were breaking up with your girlfriend/boyfriend, what would you most likely say? i mean assuming it wasn’t for like a particular reason then it would probably be like “I have to explain something to you, because I feel like I respect you too much to be anything but honest and transparent with you. But I’m starting to get the feeling that this isn’t a good fit for long-term anymore. I am so very, very sorry because I wish this could work out but you deserve more than what I can offer you.”

Do you think that once people get married, they eventually fall “out of love?” I think that a huge part of keeping a marriage healthy is that you prioritize your spouse and don’t stop doing the things you did to get them, when you have them. I don’t think every marriage immediately means you’ll fall out love. but I think sometimes love is hard and it requires CHOOSING your partner every single day.

Where’s your cell phone? uhhh, i think under my pillow perhaps.

If you found out you were pregnant who would you tell first? well. it would be super interesting to find out who the father is. assuming that this was a pregnancy occuring by appropriate measures, I would probably tell the father first. I’d want mom & em to know right away.

Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? idk. I’m in a really weird spot right now because I’m telling myself to leave K alone and not want him, but I’m still in love. and it’s not like a light switch I can turn off. so obviously my insides are like begging for him, but my brain is like “naw girl, move along. date other peeps” and so idk. 

Are you slowly drifting away from someone close? lol story of my life rn. just the person who mean the most to me. Love that journey for me. 

When was the last time you saw the person you last kissed? gosh. the day I broke up with him hahahahahahhahahahhaahhahaha.

Do you like your phone? it’s an incredibly beautiful phone. it’s my literal dream phone. but i won’t have it much longer.

Last alcohol beverage? mint chocolate chip dessert wine 

Have you ever slept in a bed with the opposite sex? yeah. I had a bf who lived out of state and he would come stay at the house for the weekend or w/e and even tho he had his own place to stay in the spare bedroom, he’d often just come sleep next to me.

If you had to move in with a friend, which one would you pick? i wanted to live with k. that won’t happen. I’d be a very uncomfortable third wheel in pretty much every other friendship. 

What do your best friends call you? Di, Ana, Dee, SweeDee, Diana

Who was the last person to go to the movies with you? my sister

Are you currently fighting with someone? no. tbh I’m just keeping afloat. I think a lot of people I’m talking to think i’m totally fine rn

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? reading thru some letters I found tonight from K

Are you looking forward to something as of right now? probably christmastime. it’ll be very low key this year but i’m just hoping there’ll be good stuff by then.

Have you ever been called a tease? yea 

What do you want in your life right now? yikes. where to begin.

Have anything on your mind? i have had more on my mind that I can recall ever having. 

Pass or fail a drug test if you took one right now? Pass.

What are you doing this summer? it’s not summertime anymore

How many times have you been on a plane? couple hundred times.

Favorite song? that changes all the time. the song “memory I don’t mess with” is very special to me rn cus it feels like my situation 

Scared of anything? yes. ooooooo yes.

Do you get jealous easy? when I feel secure, not at all. You do you, baby boo. but if I feel like forgotten, misplaced, or insecure in my relationship then I do feel jealous

What color is your hair? s’about to change wednesday

Which night club plays the best songs to dance to? i really don’t like clubs.

Made up with anyone recently after an argument? ummm.. so I would say I had a fairly large argument today. we didn’t make up, it more so ended that he shut down after seeing the picture of me coming out of a panic attack from the other night. I stopped because I just felt like this overwhelming wave that he just is never going to want me again the way he did before and I don’t want to force someone or beg someone to want me. 

Missing anyone right now? yep. more than they know.

Do you use MSN? man I used to love msn. is it even still a thing?

[astormofships]

Pick Your Darling: Annette

“Darling heart, I loved you from the start, but you'll never know what a fool I've been. Darling heart, I loved you from the start, but that's no excuse for the state I'm in..”

Ship name

Winter Melody. The Wolf and the Siren. The Warrior and the Maid come again, jested Theon. No names blended, it wouldn't be satisfactory. They are much better left alone xD

Meeting

White Harbour was probably the most prosperous and welcoming city in the North. And luckily, you lived there. All your life, to be exact. The people were fond of sweet Annette; if a visitor dropped by, they might hear tales of a golden haired woman healing the mind with music. They praised your harmonious voice too. Others were curious about your Lannister look, golden hair and green eyes. But it wasn't that bad, considering your noble blood and illogicality of hiding a possible relative when Lord Tywin could have married you to spread his power in Westeros. No, you were not related to the lions in any way. Words reached Catelyn Stark's ears which prompted an invitation to Winterfell. Accepting, you arrived a full moon later. She personally welcomed you and introduced her family during a humble yet tasty meal prepared in your honour. Afterwards, a visit of the castle followed. Sansa and Robb were your guides although the former did most of the task seeing that the latter was required somewhere else.

First impressions, the way it used to be before it became romantic

Words flowed easily. Politeness did not put a strain on the discussion, nor added pressure to the cordial atmosphere. Surprisingly, humor made an appearance. He was not just a lord's son, and you were not just a pleasing face. A friendship surely took root, based on positivity, respect and trust. You stayed a few months, then returned home. And repeat. When you weren't in the city, letters were the best option. While Arya, Rickon and the rest of the Starks preferred to see you in person, Sansa had taken to send ravens. But the one who possessed the most faithful quill feather was Robb. The content of the letters spoke of news of self, families and respective cities. Ranting on parchment or giving opinions was not a rarity. Talking about the plot of stories and characters you wrote happened. You played games, too, like long distance riddles. Signatures were usually “R”, “A” or “Winter” and “Melody”. That way people may not recognize who wrote if they stumbled upon it intentionally or accidentally. If a Littlefinger had access to them, he would figure it out almost immediately. The initials and names, along with the known friendship, were effortless to link back together and guess who the authors were. Annette and Robb were not known to focus on cleverness or worry about intelligence. By no means simpletons, being associated with bravery or fairness were more flattering and accurate goals. But anyway, being together was better, naturally. You knew what to say when he was feeling down, he would be there to offer help even though you were sometimes too stubborn to consider accepting. That unhealthy habit had met its enemy; the young man was determined to be there no matter what, whether support was in the form of physical assistance, a shoulder to cry on or making you laugh. Not particularly knowledgeable in the art of music, he liked hearing you play instruments and sing, or both at the same time. He sang with you when feeling overly bold and merry. Dancing lessons were a thing, to not lose the practice acquired years ago. Yeah, right. Mostly because it was enjoyable too. Knowing how important writing was, he made sure to get parchments, quills and bottles of ink before your current resources were entirely used. In return, you allowed him to read some of your work. Because why not? His hear soared the first time it occurred, honoured by the actual proof of trust you were showing. During competitions including swords, mêlées, archery or any brutish entertainment, you were apprehensive but always rooted for him. When he wanted to get away from his duties or find solace, he joined you in the library. It was a soothing place, nobody spoke there. Just you two, actually. Little rebels. About nothing and everything, or books. The one resting on the table you were sitting at, or other tales. It led to passionate debates, philosophical ones or sharing dreams, who were your favourites heroes and heroines, what lands you would love to see, real or not.

Who took the first step

No meeting organized, fate let it happen when the stars were aligned. Or if you were less poetic, feelings spoke on their own and did the job. It's crazy how both could smile and look at the other without saying anything, content. One day, you were dancing. Eyes met, even wanted to close. Overwhelmed to the point of forcing yourself to break contact or else no more distance would exist between your bodies, you excused yourself. He asked if you were okay. Nodding with a smile to reassure him, he saw through the protective mask and gently took ahold of your hands, caressing one with his thumb to sooth your growing nerves and keep you in place. He verbally acknowledged what was going on between the two of you. Professed his feelings. It made you smile, feeling like everything was perfect at this specific moment. Then laughter openly escaped your mouth. Sighing peacefully, arms lightly resting on his shoulders as it went to circle around his neck, you told him you had fallen too. And with those words, you kissed him with firm tenderness. He responded eagerly.

Who approves, who disapproves

His siblings were pleased. Your entourage were beyond themselves: Annette and the heir of Winterfell? The Sevens had blessed the family. Theon was satisfied if his best friend was happy, there were worse women in the land.  You were a catch.

Well, all the ladies who dreamed of a handsome and wealthy husband and a few men who wanted to seduce you clearly weren't enchanted by the news but what could they do.

Ned and Cat were surprised that their eldest son would settle for you. You were respected and loved by many, including them. But they imagined Robb betrothed to a lady of a higher house. Reed, Karstark, Mormont... your name did not figure on the list. They did not protest vehemently, though. Nobles seldom married for love and if their son had this chance, they would not ruin it for him.

The best friend and the one you get along with the least

Sansa. You both lived in your head and trusting one another, it allowed to gush and share fantasies you wouldn't dare with anyone else. She was the one who got to read your stories and give constructive criticism or compliments. Gaining a new sister was a tempting prospect to her. Being the old one, she had always wanted a big sister to look up to. You were not a disappointing choice.

Robb often asked for her opinion concerning gifts when he was doubting his own.

“What should I offer Annette? Her name day is approaching and she deserves something special. “

“Well, maybe you should favour a sentimental present instead of material.”

“Should I just.. write a poem?”

Let's just say he was relieved Theon and Jon were not here to listen to the conversation, those pricks certainly would tease the crap out of him. He would simply pity them, ignorants to the joy of love.  

In this universe, Theon was fascinated by the way you seem to wish to see the good in everyone, even a scoundrel like him.    

Cersei was convinced you were a tart.

Joffrey and The Hound were a little disgusted by the constant goodness.

If somebody else fancies one of you

Who doesn't sigh dreamily at the thought of Robb Stark? Men wanted to be him and women longed to be in his arms.

Your pretty eyes and alluring voice charmed more than one, especially a young lad back home who you didn't view as more than a friend.

The best and the worst

The common dream of happiness and having children with the love of your life.

His co-existing reliability and playfulness.

Your heart of gold.

The locks he loves to caress and play with, the eyes he never gets tired of staring into.

How embraces feel like home.

THE RED WEDDING.

Hogwarts Houses

Chivalry, Bravery, Boldness. Loyalty, Honesty and Justice.  Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Robb could fit in both. But he eventually became a rebel and the King in the North. So Gryffindor it is. Dedicated, friendly and unafraid of toil, yours remain Hufflepuff.

Seven Deadly Sins and Virtues

Wrath, both of you. Usually calm and friendly, the young wolf had a temper when provoked. He became the leader of a rebellion, did he not? In the name of his father, murdered by the crown. Revenge in mind and justice in his sword, Robb Stark was ready to destroy those unappeasable enemies who were also ready to fight to the death. Forget positivity for a minute and let's imagine someone crossed the line by engaging in evildoing and betrayal. These were two things you could not tolerate, nor forgive. Especially not from a loved one. You might try to give them a second chance, but nothing would be as it used to be. Messing with you was not recommended.

  Dutiful, content to live a peaceful life and chivalrous,  his virtue would be Diligence.

Kindness is yours again, for obvious reasons.

Who is the sun, who is the moon

The Direwolf represents House Stark, we know that. But he is not the moon just because of that. People watch Robb because he is a son of Winterfell and easy on the eye, let's be honest. The moon can be seen during the day, if you try very hard to see it. Truly? Correct or not, we know it's there. When they look at you, it's because you attract attention when you enter the room. If the place was already illuminated, you'd still bring another source of light with your mere presence. You radiated like the sun, with those good intentions and bubbly aura.  

Endgame or not

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.... no. You thought Ned Stark's death was the end of your romance but when you tried again, a name was the answer. Frey. Or was it Westerling? When Robb prepared himself to go to war against the crown, you wanted to go as well. Refusing categorically, your stubbornness was your strongest ally in this fight. Yes, there was shouting involved. Without condescension, he pleaded with you not to follow because of your chronic pain and how your place was not on an army's camp. They moved a lot and had to be swift in case of surprise attack. He was worried you would get in harm's way although he knew trusted soldiers would keep you safe. Besides, what if they couldn't? What if the enemies took you hostage or worse? What if he died? What if the war was lost? Telling you to go home was the best choice. Even if White Harbour were allies of the North, the Lannisters couldn't dismiss them in the end; business with the Manderlys was useful: Fish, thick clothing, its notable seaport visited by Westerosi and Essosi people... you had the chance to have a decent future, in spite of Robb's presence in your life. You were angry, to say the least. But he was the love of your life, was he not? You wanted to follow your heart, and it was him. You wanted to stand by his side as he lived the worst years of his life,  fighting for a good cause: his family. He accepted, touched by the loyalty but still worried nevertheless. It all crashed down when he told you of his alliance with Walder Frey, how he had to marry one of his daughter. And that was it. Your relationship was over. Pride wouldn't let it pass. Deep down, there was hope for another solution to come up at the last minute but no. Bad news did: Robb suddenly got married to a lady of the west named Jeyne Westerling. Not only were you heartbroken and betrayed, but so were the Freys. That is, betrayed. It's not like they personally cared for the Young Wolf. It was over, truly, when it had the potential of lasting forever. Sorrow, rage, what feeling dominated you the most? You wondered. When a tragic payback called The Red Wedding took place, news began to spread the next morrow. You were speechless at first, literally and figuratively. Catelyn, Grey Wind, Ro'-him. They did not deserve such fate, never. All you could do was mourn, and move on. Thank the Seven for your entourage, what would you have done without them and their support? Quite frankly, you didn't know.          

Who I truly ship you with regardless of the requests’ details

Robb is my favourite match even if you end up with Jaime, which won't last either. This lion man has another woman in mind and heart. And it isn't his twin, nor you.

[juiicyone]

overnights and love suck ass.

A: Who do you like and why? I’m not really attracted to anyone at this moment.

B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love? Briefly, it was scary for me because i never felt that before and so, I laid it all on the line, i guess.

C: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in, and why did it end? 4.5 years, we just don’t want the same things in life, our futures are at two different paces.

D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how? I’ve changed myself for the better because someone i once loved made me realize how bad i was self harming. but i wouldn’t change it for anything, i’m very thankful. 

E: Pretend I’m your ex, what do you want to say to me? what was the point in running off to get married just to divorce a year later? was it to ‘get back’ at me?..because you fucked that girl’s head up and every time i see her she tries to be my BEST friend as if she didn’t have an impact on you leaving.

F: Have you ever been cheated on? My ex cheated on me and got married when she found out i was pregnant. 

G: Have you ever cheated?  Yeah i did but i couldn’t keep living a double life so i broke off the relationship. To be honest, i cheated on my son’s dad so that he wouldn’t want me. I need him to get out and go have fun and live his life, gain experience... I didn’t want to trap him. We had unprotected sex one time...  like his life does not stop here. 

H: Would you date someone who’s known for cheating, if yes why? I got cheated on by a Scorpio, I cheated with a Scorpio. I’m highly attracted to Scorpios, who are known cheaters. 

I: What’s the top most important parts of a relationship? 1) Communication, 2)Sex, 3)Respect, 4) Compromise. 

J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious Relationships. Never really been into flings, i’m literally Curve-Master-Flex. 

K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? No. If we are dating why would a break be needed? We’re barely together.. now, if i’m in a serious relationship depending on the circumstances a break could be required to determine our future. It really depends on the situation but in a happy relationship, breaks aren’t thought of.

L: How many people have you ever hooked up with? Not enough.

M: What’s one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship? Regret getting all 4 of our matching tattoos.

N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? 14/15/16. It all depends on their maturity and when they’re ready.

O: Do you believe in the phrase, “Age is just a number?” Why or why not? To an extent absolutely. If both parties are of age than yes, age is just a number. We can’t control when someone is born as we cant control how we feel about them. Nothing wrong with someone older, wiser and experienced. 

P: What about “Love at first sight”? Why or why not? You can Lust at first sight but you have to converse or spend time with someone before you can genuinely love them as a person.

Q: Turn on’s? Hard working, Smiles, laughs, freckles, brown eyed men, dimples, tattoos, beards, height, intelligence, knowing what you want and how to get it, green eyed women, affection, humor.

R: Turn off’s? Bad hygiene, Country music, Immaturity, Not being able to hold a conversation, stupid people... lots of stuff.

S: What do you consider a deal breaker? ABUSING ME, Judging me instead of educating me, Infidelity, addicts. 

T: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? When the chemistry is off, vibes aren’t vibing, the spark has gone out, never wants to spend time together anymore, cant trust them, doesn’t show affection anymore, stops doing things they use to, stops communication. 

U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single? No, I’ve been single since last June. I live with my son’s dad but we aren’t together. We HARDLY EVER sleep together, if we kiss or hug, i asked or forced it. Each day, we literally ask each other, “ So what’s your plan today?” So that way we can figure out what’s going on, who’s doing what... I wish i could get a house-mate and move the hell out. 

V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? Absolutely, the past is the past.. if i had your pussy/dick in my mouth i’d hope you can be civil afterwards.

W: Do you think people should date their friends? If they want to.. Its either going to be the best relationship plus sum or it’s going to ruin a friendship in the process.

X: How many relationships have you had? Four and let me tell you, 3 of them are women. 

Y: Do you think love can last forever? Forever is a time frame. Time is something that’s made up. You can be in a relationship and once it ends your forever with them has also ended. That doesn’t mean you can’t have forever with someone else. 

Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things? Not at all. 

1: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of? Absolutely not.

2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? girl, wait.

3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not? Yes - All those military wives. Jailhouse wives. Truck Driver wives... doesn’t necessarily mean they’re faithful but they make it work. 

4: What do you notice first about another person? Features.

5: Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals or transgender people bother you? No and if another persons sexuality bothers you, you’re an asshole.. 

[chipsanddespair]

As the U.S. labor force crests again, a new complex of problems locks many Americans out of the workplace.

Even at so-called full employment, some 20 million Americans are left behind.

Theyre looking for work, out of the labor force but unhappy about it, or report working part-time when theyd prefer more hours, according to data released last week. Their plight comes even as the U.S. flirts with what economists consider the maximum level of employment for the first time since before the recession, having added 15.8 million jobs since the start of 2010. While some of Americas jobless are simply between gigs, those persistently stuck out of work are called the structurally unemployed.

President Donald Trump said wrongly last month that 96 million people are looking for work, having included Americans who are still in school, retired, or just uninterested. Yet his words resonated in a country where economic insecurity is distributed unequally and cruellyfar deeper in Mingo, W. Va., than in midtown Manhattan.

Because of where the structurally unemployed live, what theyve done, or the skills they lack, employers cant or wont hire them. The problems that keep today’s jobless stuck on the sidelines are different than those of past recoveries: a complex web of often interrelated issues from disability and drug use to criminal records.

Behind the statistics are people with 20 million unique stories. Here are five.

President Donald Trump said wrongly last month that 96 million people are looking for work, having included Americans who are still in school, retired, or just uninterested. Yet his words resonated in a country where economic insecurity is distributed unequally and cruellyfar deeper in Mingo, W. Va., than in midtown Manhattan.

Because of where the structurally unemployed live, what theyve done, or the skills they lack, employers cant or wont hire them. The problems that keep today’s jobless stuck on the sidelines are different than those of past recoveries: a complex web of often interrelated issues from disability and drug use to criminal records.

Behind the statistics are people with 20 million unique stories. Here are five.

Fighting To Get Out of Mingo, W. Va.

Tyler Moores late-December drive to Louisville, Ky., was one of desperation. He was headed four hours west on Interstate 64 to interview for a job. Even if he landed the position, filling his gas tank had left him with $8 to his name. He would have to sleep at a friends place until he could earn enough to pay rent.

The 23-year-old had run out of options. Hed applied for dozens of jobs within an hour and a half of his hometown of Lovely, once a coal-mining stronghold. Instead of opportunities, he had found waiting lists.

Minimum-wage jobs, fast-food restaurants, Wal-Mart, anything like that, a lot of them has already been took, he says in an Appalachian drawl, explaining that the backlog just to interview was as long as a year. There are no jobs.

Moores story paints an extreme picture of how an economic environment can create a vicious circle of joblessness. While he is an imperfect job candidate, his flaws were molded by his upbringing in Martin County, Ky. and neighboring Mingo County, W. Va.

Moore takes advice from Therese Carew, a nun and counselor

His problems started in earnest in 2014. He had been living on his own for several years, having moved out at 18 after dropping out of high school, obtaining his GED, and going to work in security at a coal company. Moore is gay in an intensely conservative region, and he said he left school because of bullying.

Moore lost his job in late 2013 after smoking marijuana and failing a drug test. Though he found temporary work as a remote customer service representative, he lost that one when his mother died of a drug overdose in 2014 and he had to plan her funeral.

Deeply depressed and unemployed, he moved into an old Airstream camper propped on cinder blocks behind his fathers house, at the entrance to the litter-strewn trailer park that the older man owns in the misty hills of Lovely. There, surrounded by long-unemployed neighbors and rampant drug use, Moore began to abuse his medical prescriptions. I guess I used it as my crutch, in a way, he says.

Moore began getting in fights while drugged and was arrested twice. When he landed in jail for several months, he realized things needed to change. He graduated from a rehabilitation program in September, one year, one month, and 15 days after that last altercation. Since then, hes deepened his friendship with Sister Therese Carew, a Catholic nun who ministers to the region, and dedicated his time to job seeking.

Opportunities are few. Coal mines have been closing, and theyve taken most other businesses with them.

To employers outside the area, the fact that Moore is neatly groomed, soft-spoken, and polite cant mask his history. Whats more, hes the first to admit that the math skills he learned in the local public schoolswhere only eight in 10 students graduatearent up to par, and his speaking patterns are colored by regional grammar.

His situation is difficult, but Moore has found a reason to hope.

Coal work, once a mainstay, has become scarce in Appalachia

He didnt get the job for which he made that 240-mile (386-kilometer) drive, but he dropped in to his old rehab center on the way home. When he explained his predicament, the director of operations told him that he could come back until he gets on his feet. The group has found a job for him in plastics manufacturing that could turn full-time after a 30-day probation period. The position is enabling him to pay $100 a week in rent. Its a chance to build an employment record as he fights to have his record expunged.

Still, moving out requires a tough tradeoff: Moore would have preferred to stay close to home, because his family is still in Kentucky and his father is in his seventies. And the job probably isnt a pathway to wealth and ease. But what Moore wants most is mere self-sufficiency.

A simple lifestyle, but being able to have work: I aint got to have nothing exquisite, he says.

David Wolf wears his journey through drugs and crime on his arm.

Branded as Untouchable by a Felony Rap

These days, David Wolf doesnt allow himself to get excited by the news of a job offer. Most get rescinded within days. Its happened at least a hundred times, he said.

In 2012, Wolf was convicted of faking a name and Social Security number to get prescription painkillers. Now the 40-year-old father of three and former Marine, who has an associates degree from St. Petersburg College, has struggled to find employment. He’s received so many retracted offers that hes lost count.

I get more interviews that I can shake my stick at, but again, it always comes back around to the denominator of being a felon, Wolf says from his small, one-level ranch house in a Tampa, Fla., suburb, where religious imagery and family photos decorate his walls. For many, many years, I pretty much got whatever job I wanted. I was able to do anything I felt like doing. Its really been a humbling experience

Wolf researches employment options at a career center in New Port Richey, Fla

Wolf, whose chaotic life before he got clean included several domestic battery and drug-related charges, is one of the more than a half-million people who are released from U.S. federal and state prison every year. The influx occurs as the nation comes out of a decades-long war on illegal drugs. Implementation of stricter laws and tougher enforcement that led to a mushrooming of incarcerations and a booming ex-offender population. Before his identity theft conviction five years ago, Wolf held several jobs in sales and marketing, managed a call center, and served as a recruiter for the U.S. Marines. Since, he and his family have since lived off food stamps and cash assistance.

They wouldnt even hire me to sell Christmas trees at a Home Depot through an employment agency, he says. A lot of times the hiring managers feel like they have their hands tied, due to company policy. Its something that really needs to change. Not only can I not get a job, but I cant get a job with a living wage for my family. I have three children. I have a wife. Im not a bad guy.

Wolf shares his home with his second wife, his toddler, and a cat he gently picks up every time it scurries into the living room. Nearly half of U.S. children now have at least one parent with a criminal record.

A Corinthians verse, Love is patient, love is kind, love never fails, decorates a sofa cushion. Outside his living room window, children gather by a school bus stop as the morning fog lifts in the modest neighborhood of Holiday, Fla.

Less than a 10-minute drive away, he spends his free time volunteering at a Mormon church, where he also gets career training. A workshop book, The Lord Would Want You to Be Successful, rests on his living-rooms desk. Men with criminal records now account for about 34 percent of nonworking men aged from 25 and 54 years old, otherwise known as prime working age.

Family photographs on the piano at Wolfs home in Holiday, Fla.

Myself and many other felons, and were facing demons, downtime isnt a good thing, he says. Almost half of released inmates are arrested again within eight years, either for new offenses or for violating the conditions of their release. Were getting food stamps and cash assistance. We dont like being on it. But the society that looks down on those receiving assistance is the same society that wont hire me, and the same society that judges criminals when they reoffend.

He had the word forgiven inked on his forearm after a stint in rehab. On the worst days of his addiction, which started following a car crash more than a decade ago, Wolf remembers taking as many as 40 pills in one day. OxyContin, Percocet, and Vicodin were his usual ones.

It affected me, seeing guys that have sentences of 20, 30 years. This is a vicious, vicious circle, and were not going anywhere.

Leroy Moore, one of almost 9 million Americans who receive disability insurance, spends nearly half of his monthly check on his apartment.