#i guess it was mutual abuse

[vole-mon-amour]

Things I find super sad about canon: On top of Johnny being super depressed, constantly wasted bc of that depression and not seeing any light in life around him (except for maybe the idea of blowing up Arasaka), Kerry threatening to leave the band unless Jonny continues fucking him is an absolute cherry on top. And not only fucking, but also demanding more and more—bc to my understanding it all started with a crush, then a kiss, then with "If you don't have sex with me, I'm leaving." It was mentally exhausting for both of them, but mostly for Johnny. I find that incredibly toxic and shitty (and the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I even should accept it as canon).

On the other hand, I find "I'd do Kerry" almost... uplifting? That Johnny is already in a different mental state. He's healed a bit. He thinks more clearly and he can genuinely reflect on his life, his choices, and his desires. So the idea of Johnny fucking Kerry back in the day, but then getting a second chance in life and genuinely falling for Kerry more than ever and wanting to continue that here and now, with no bullshit and threatening? Being there for him if Kerry wants him to?

In my headcanon, Johnny absolutely does get his own body back. It would be way less complicated for everyone: Rogue (if Johnny wants to go there—even if for a brief moment), Kerry (he can decide whether he likes V, or Johnny, or both at the same time, and what he wants from either/both of them at this stage in life—especially his album and his personal struggles considered), V themselves bc really, letting Johnny having full control over the body and then drowning it with booze, smoke, fucking tons of different people is stressful just because (especially when you don't smoke). Plus, again, V being their own person is so much easier not only for Kerry but for V as well. Does V want Kerry? Does V want Johnny? Does V want both or neither? Does Kerry?

Plus, I think if Kerry x V romance is present, after V gives their body to Johnny, it might be too hard for Kerry to have any kind of relationship with Johnny in V's body. Not impossible, obviously a lot of angst there (and i had my ideas after just finishing the game, maybe I'll get back to that) and tons of explanation, talk, and despair. Maybe grieving together and slowly getting used to that. But at the same time, if Kerry is very emotionally involved and kind of getting over Johnny after such a long time, it might be just too much for Kerry.

So many thoughts and questions on this. So many possibilities.

UPD: Apparently, I'm mistaken? It was Johnny using Kerry? Gonna replay the game soon, so we'll see.

[hairmetal666]

Read Part One here

cw: implied child abuse

Eddie's coming over for coffee. Not Eddie with Nancy and Robin or Eddie with the kids. Just Eddie.

They haven't been alone in 9 years and now Eddie is coming over for coffee.

They're friends, of course. After Vecna they didn't have much of a choice, but they've never talked about it--that they used to be something.

After Steve kissed Eddie goodbye for what turned out to be the last time, they didn't see each other again for months and months, except for a devastatingly fleeting moment in the Family Video parking lot. And the next time after that, Eddie's pinning him to the wall of a rickety boathouse, a broken bottle to his throat.

What's going through his mind, his body, at that moment is relief. For days, weeks, months, he ached for Eddie's touch again, and even though he was in danger, he relished in the push of their bodies together. Thought, if this is how he dies, he won't mind going.

But they don't talk about it, about them, because Eddie is on the run and Max is going to die, and they have to save the world, so there's no time. In the aftermath, it's the least of their worries, and now it's been almost a decade and Eddie is coming over for coffee.

The thing is, it's not like Steve has been pining away for a love long lost in the intervening years, and neither has Eddie. They've both had longterm, serious relationships; Steve almost got married. But for Steve...Eddie is the one that's lingered, the one that knocks around his ribcage on late sleepless nights, the one that makes him dream of what might have been. Because Steve truly loved his other partners, but Eddie--nobody will ever compare.

Someone is knocking a rhythm at his front door, and he can't stifle his smile even as his heart runs riot in his chest.

"Hey, man," he says, remarkably nonchalant as he takes Eddie in. Still beautiful, still brimming with energy; his smile wide and dimpled, bouncing on his toes.

"Harrington!" Eddie grabs him into a quick side hug, slapping his back. "Since when do you wear glasses?"

Steve chuckles, touching the horn-rimmed frames. "Oh, god, Robin forced me to get them back in '87? Too many concussions." He touches his forehead. "I usually just wear contacts."

"It's a good look," Eddie says. He's very much not looking at Steve, eyes roaming around the Chicago apartment he's been to many times before.

He watches as Eddie spots the display of his own books, index finger slowly slipping across the spines in a way that makes Steve remember when those same fingers would slide down his spine. He stifles a shiver, turns towards the kitchen.

"So, how's New York? How's the book coming?"

"Livin' the dream." It's not flippant, not like how most people mean it. Eddie leaks genuineness, always has. "The book though...it's a little rough."

Steve sets the coffee maker going, brings fresh pastries and a couple plates over to the table. "I can imagine. It doesn't--it doesn't have to be the same, you know?"

"Yeah, if only I hadn't written three other books leading up to the evil mind wizard," Eddie chuckles. He grabs a croissant and tears it in half. "It'll be alright, Harrington. I'll figure it out. I lived through it the first time, after all."

Steve doesn't remind him that he almost didn't, that they almost didn't. Instead, he pours coffee, listens as Eddie talks about how to fictionalize the worst month of their collective lives.

He splashes milk into Eddie's coffee, taps in three scoops of sugar. He carries it to where Eddie waits, still talking about the logistics of Vecna-slash-Henry-slash-One in his novel, but his words abruptly stop as his hands wrap around the porcelain.

"Steve?"

It's only then that Steve realizes what he's done--made Eddie's coffee like he took it back then, made it without thinking, totally on muscle memory, when the best of his mornings were spent in Eddie's arms.

His cheeks glow crimson and he grips at the back of his neck. "S-sorry." He says. "It--is this still how you take it?"

"Yeah." Eddie's eyes fall from Steve's face, his own cheeks pink. "It's--yeah. Still the same."

"I'm sorry--"

"--Steve, I--"

They don't laugh. They both stop speaking and look at each other, faces still red. Steve thinks there's nothing for it but to get it all out now.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry I never came back. I'm sorry I didn't explain why. I'm just--really, really sorry."

Eddie's eyes are hooked on the table top, fingers twisting and twisting his coffee mug. "Can I--why? I waited and you--why?"

Steve swallows, but it gets stuck in his throat, and now he's the one who can't look up from his hands.

"My parents got home early," he manages. "My dad, he was waiting for me. I guess one of the neighbors thought it best to tell them who I'd been spending my time with."

Silence falls over the table, and he chances a look up at the man across from him, the one whose knuckles bite into his lips, whose eyes shine with unshed tears.

"You should've called me. You should've--you could've stayed with us. We would've kept you safe."

"Eddie, I couldn't. I physically couldn't," the admission costs him so much.

"Steve," Eddie chokes on his name, voice nothing but anguish. "Did anyone--You could've--you were all alone."

He shakes his head. "Robin knew. She snuck through my window to take care of me, but my parents--I couldn't--" This time the words really won't come. "We made a plan. We started that job at Family Video, and we saved up our money."

Now, Eddie's face is creased with grief. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

Steve shakes his head, smiles despite the wreckage around his heart. "You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. I left you with no explanation. I broke your heart. And--and--" He thinks, what does it hurt to say it at this point. "I love you. I love you so much. I convinced myself you were better off without me, that we could have a clean break and you could get over me."

Eddie's hands cover his face, muffle the sob that slips out. "Get over you?" He whispers. "There's never been one like you, sweetheart."

He slides around the table to kneel at Eddie's side. "Hey." Deep brown eyes stare back at him, Eddie's face wet with tears. "It's always you, Ed. Always. I didn't want to say anything, if you had moved on, but--"

There's not really any transition from them talking to them kissing; Steve slips into it like he did all those years ago, when he first asked for Eddie's kiss. Their mouths slot together, their bodies fit like they always used to, perfect puzzle pieces. Steve's knees give out at the first brush of Eddie's tongue, and they collapse into a heap on the kitchen floor. Even then, they don't part.

Eventually, Steve does break the embrace, face flushed and hair a disaster, glasses hanging off one ear. "Okay, trying to be responsible here. Should we take a pause, go on a date first? Slow down?"

"Nine years isn't slow enough?" Eddie's pupils are blown, hair frizzed around his head.

"When you put it that way," Steve can't help but laugh. "I just want to do right by you, Eddie. Make up for--everything."

Eddie grins down at him, that sunshine beam smile where his dimples pop. "Tell you what, how bout you take me to bed now, and I'll let you take me on a date tomorrow?"

"Oh, you'll let me?" Steve rakes a hand through Eddie's mane of hair. "I don't think you'll have any choice."

"You sure about that, Stevie?" Their lips are so close, the brush with every word.

"Uh-huh," Steve's having trouble keeping his eyes focused, overwhelmed by the sheer force of Eddie Munson. "Never letting you go again, Ed."

Surprise! Part 2! I genuinely had no intention on doing a follow-up, but so many of you asked so nicely that it gave me this idea. Sorry if I miss anyone in the tag list and thank you for reading! @everywherenothere @tiny-enthusiast @emma-elsa-0000 @fuzzyduxk @moonythepluviophile @anaibis @rhapsodyinalto @bunk12bear @tillystealeaves @velocitytimes2 @s-trawberryv-eins @marklee-blackmore @ignoremyworld @its-a-me-a-morgan @goodolefashionedloverboi @starman-jpg @djohawke @adaydreamaway08

[cloistergardens]

hi everyone!! I hate having to do this but I just escaped my emotionally abusive partner only to end up back with my even more emotionally abusive family. I have the opportunity to move into an apartment with a friend at the end of July, but I need money to help with the security deposit/1st month rent as well as a uhaul trailer to get all my things out of my family’s house and into the apartment. $1800 should cover hitch installation on my car, trailer rental, my half of security deposit & rent, and hopefully gas for the 19-hour drive. ven/mo, pa/ypal, and ca/sha/pp are all @/emrysemerald, ko-fi is emrys_emerald, and buymeacoffee is emryslinden. I can also take commissions (check this post) but I likely won’t be able to complete them until August.

I know there’s a lot of posts like this going around, but I really appreciate any support you can give!! thank you so much in advance 🫶🏽🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[sammygender]

im new here- is dean abusive?

imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.

he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues

[littlest-bugz]

How I look when the rock I live under prevents me from keeping up with current internet news meaning I accidentally support the shittiest, worst fucking people

[img doesnt belong to me]

[unopenablebox]

i’m fascinated by how many people i follow have weird caveats about the “is fish meat” thing even though the poll results are so strongly in favor of ‘yes’

[indestructiblelittlefuckers]

[Since it was portrayed, even on a romcom show, I think I should give it some weight, so I am gonna talk a little bit about the preseries Ed and violence. And since Izzy is really "wife" coded and the crew family, I am seeing it as a domestic violence.

I think that Ed had violent outbursts in the past, and not just towards the "enemy". It was never that bad, of course, he usually smashed something or hit the wall close/next to someone. Things that didn't seem like anything that they rarely happened really.

And I think after years together Izzy associated that with attention, that at least this was in a fucked up way predictable, something that could be contained, because at least he wasn't risking anyone's life including Ed's. At least he was paying attention to Izzy.

Now, even though I think that Izzy encouraged Ed's Blackbeard, he never pushed Ed to be violent towards the crew...or him. And Ed escalated the pushing against the wall, hitting next to Izzy (there he is) to something that Izzy didn't want to think was possible

All that being said, in our world of writing, I think Ed can be redeemable... but he has to work on it lol.]

[dwreader]

.

[gay-kurapika]

So I’m gonna be honest I’m like. Really depressed. And ive been really depressed for a few weeks because this is a depressive episode, ive had them before and I’ll have them again, it’s not the end of the world. But I’m still just. This huge mix of anger and sadness about everything that’s happened to me over the last two years and I can’t help it. I did not deserve Jayne, and I can beat myself up over and over and over again about it because I know I should have been smarter, but the fact is I deserved better. I was nice, I wanted nothing more than someone who felt as rejected as I did to be happy. We were friends at first, at least I thought. She told me she had bpd and I’m fucking self aware, bipolar 1 is different but not that different, we were both the type of people everyone says is inherently bad even though we’re not. But she was actually a bad person, and it had nothing to do with her bpd or her ocd or adhd or anything else, she used all of that as an excuse. She straight up told me she drove her ex girlfriend into getting a restraining order against her because she wouldn’t stop threatening and harassing her, but since she painted it as her ex girlfriend being a greedy selfish person taking advantage of her I believed it. There was never any talk about how Nicole felt—it was all about “I saw all of my belongings on the street next to the dumpster and I wasn’t allowed to pick them up, she just threw it all away,” which particularly hit me hard because Jayne knew at that point that I had trauma surrounding my father throwing my belongings away or breaking them as a punishment, so I was sympathetic. She wouldn’t leave Nicole alone. She broke into her house after the break up. She broke into mine too, literally against a court order. Before that, she wasn’t working, Nicole supported them both even though she was disabled and Jayne likely did the same thing she did with me: day drank and “took care of the pets” while someone else worked and bought all the groceries, paid all the bills, and paid all the rent. And if she did anything to Nicole the way she did to me, Nicole was likely socially isolated and lonely as well. Jayne didn’t want me to talk to my parents or my sister or my girlfriend or my online friends. She straight up told me none of those people loved me and no one would ever care about me the way she did. “I’m the best friend you’ll ever have,” as if I can never have anyone who actually cares about me. If you feel that fucking alone and scared of course you take extreme measures to get this black hole out of your fucking life. My extreme measures literally being pushing her away from me when she was standing too close after yelling at me for three hours straight about how I would die young and she would walk in on me dead someday and how she’d smell me dead before seeing me dead and I just want you to know how fucking horrible it is to hear that kind of thing because it sounds like a threat or a plan in disguise. My other extreme measure is being mad that she was yelling at me because I fake laughed at a joke my ex girlfriend told me when I was trying to forget about what she said. I regret ever taking Jayne’s side about anything, and I bet if I met Nicole we’d have a lot in common.

[ncutii-gatwa]

For your TV ask, Gilmore Girls, Schitts Creek, and/or Stranger Things?

sorry i haven't seen gilmore girls or schitts creek

Stranger Things favorite female character: robin buckley favorite male character: steve harrington worst female character: the girl that bullied el at the start of s4. i think her name was angela worst male character: billy hargrove (a bitch) otp: lumax - lucas and max brotp: steve and dustin notp: steve and billy

Tell me a Movie/Tv Show and I’ll tell you…

[dreamcast-official]

fuck it. fuck it. i dont care. i dont actually care

[novelhater]

i love me some toxic yaoi but damn there is definitely a line you cannot come back from and if the ml starts pulling that shit forget breaking up he just has to die lmao

[kxllerblond]

caught up on new followers! if I sb'd you, it's not personal I just likely saw some rules that i feel apply to me or people around me and want to respect your spaaaace

no replies except the one tonight. i'm tiiiiired

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[callsignbaphomet]

"Reasons to not kiss him...

You weren't raised to love tender.

When he's around you all you do is tremble. When he's around you want to get on your knees. Look how much power he has over you. It's dangerous.

He's too good at forgiving and you're too good at violence.

You know what they say about monsters. You know what happens to the boys that love them. Are you going to do that to him?

Your hands don't know how to be gentle. Think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. The fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. You wolf-boy. You war machine. You wouldn't know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.

If you hurt him it might kill you.

If you hurt him they'll say it was only a matter of time.

If you hurt him you might kill yourself.

You are very bad at rehabilitation. This is one addiction you'd fail to give up. He's going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you'll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.

You still aren't sure he isn't a dream.

If you kiss him you might wake up.

Reasons to kiss him...

Because he's beautiful.

Because he asked.

Because he preceded please with I'm not afraid of you.

Because life wasn't real until he was to you."

[yurideification]

guess who just got terminated

hi, i was @yurinullification.

shocking news:

tumblr doesn't ban the zionists who literally make and distribute a list of people it's legally okay to harass i guess but does ban the trans woman that, like. spammed their document a bit with suggestions? and that's it? as if that's even "targeted abuse" like what the fuck genuinely fuck off

fuck this site

too tired to do anything right now but i'd really appreciate if everyone that wanted to could reblog this post so i could find my old mutuals

thank you