#i guess it could also count as like a visual novel but in my brain theres like farming sim tasks to do so im gonna keep calling it that

[grif-hawaiian-rolls]

More mock screenshots since ppl seemed to really like the first set!

Enjoy!

Part 1

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 159 spoilers and thoughts below the cut yep just the usual

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JAVIERS FACE LMFAO "wow. these people are so weird. thank god im the only normal person here" jesus christ this entire estate is insane /aff

also i think im required to inform that i sent this panel to some of my irls because they're also civil engineers, and i asked if they recognized any of this and they said "oh god yeah"

so we can pleasantly confirm that the adaptor/artist are still referencing real civil engineering stuff!

while we're still here at the start of the ep/my thoughts i do wanna say, the whole "ugly" gag is getting. a little too well worn

it is really well drawn! the artist is very skilled at drawing exaggerated expressions and its always fun to see, but i think this is like the third or fourth time now that this has been used, and i think my brain is just tired of the repeated schtick. i dont hate it, but the funny has moved on for me

i really hope that in this next arc we see a return of a devilish or conniving lloyd, rather than silly "ugly" expressions; its funny when he looks stupid but id like a better balance, which means i want more instances of him looking cool and smart as hell!!!

of course these words will. probably fall on deaf ears its not like i can message the artist/adaptor directly lmfao but yknow its the thought that counts i guess. actually i might be using that phrase wrong not sure

ANYWAY ANYWAY verkis looks so pretty here,, i like that he confirmed lloyds intentions w the jewel of truth . truly a man who wants to do Nothing thats so real of him me too bud

AND THENNN my personal favorite peak of the episode THE SWORDMASTER SYNDROME KICKING IN AAAAAHHH AAAAHHHH

IT MAKES SENSE THAT LLOYD PUSHING HIS MANACIRCLES TO THE LIMIT WOULD BE THE LAST PUSH HE NEEDS TO BECOME A HIGH LEVEL SWORD EXPERT and now hes suffering the consequence of not dealing with this earlier </3 get overstim'd idiot shouldve taken a break before this happened bozo!!! /j

i really really REALLY love how the text and the effects were drawn in these panels and the following ones (thats three reallys!!!)!! the visual echo and then the sudden sharp jaggedness, it really shows how much OUCH and impact it has and i really really love it YEAHHHH PUT LLOYD THROUGH THE WRINGER YEAHHH YEAHHH

AND THEN JAVIER KEEPS LOOKING SO FUCKING HAPPY THROUGHOUT THIS EPISODE PLEASSEEJ LKAJDFLKSJDFLKJSDFLK JHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH he's having a grand ol time lmfao now his noble can experience what he had to go through!!!

ALSO ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW THE VERY FIRST THING THAT LLOYD LOOKS AT WITH HIS NEW HEIGHTENED VISION IS JAVIERS FACE AND HOW PERFECT IT IS HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO you could have looked at anything else and yet the first thing you narrow in on is javiers face IM SHAKING YOU LLOYD

no seriously wow he's so pretty ALSO THE FUCKING. HAND POSE IM CRYING

also its really really fluffy nice that javier helped lloyd with getting used to his senses! though they couldnt really do anything abt his insomnia

i had heard that some really cute moments got cut from the novel in this little timeskip here which is like awww i wish we got to see it like, that short bit with the "ugly" gag could have been replaced with the moments from the novel and itd still fit the episode length! at least i think

(like i was told that lloyd gets called "good boy" by javier. like. WHAT. WHAT. GOOD BOY??? GOOD BOY??? AND THAT GOT CUT?????? GOOD BOY!?!?!?!? i told my irls abt this and we collectively had a stroke i wish it made it in bc javiers face when saying that and lloyds reaction wouldve been PRICELESSSS)

oh but also back to talking about javier helping lloyd out, i think its really really cute,,, i know its not explicitly said or shown but i want to think that javier is able to repay the lullaby in a sense by doing this. i really like that javier not only depends on lloyd, but lloyd depends on javier too, and they can rely on each other. thinking about that makes my heart warm and my feet kick and then i start giggling like a maniac

anyway few month timeskip and lloyd u look tired as hell im so sorry buddy

though honestly i really like how he looks in this panel for some reason HAHAHAHA idk him just looking grumpy and tired is fun bc u dont really see it that often u usually see him being silly or evil more so this is a nice panel to have heehee

disgruntled tired sleep deprived engineer now aint that the realest STEM experience ever,,, shaking ur hand lloyd i get u i understand

AND THEN THE END OF THE EP HI RAPHAEL the angel arc!! i guess!! idk the names of these arcs

i wonder how he'll try to enforce this,,, and i wonder how lloyd will get out of it,,, like did tkobai ever go over the angels and what they do? does lloyd know about them?

i did see pics of what he looks like from the novel and we were SO robbed of very pretty long wavy hair, it seems the artist just chopped it all off,,, uueueueueuee

i posted abt this on twitter already but my singular cope is that we actually just havent seen the rest of his hair and its just in a ponytail and its like really really thin and we'll see the rest of his hair soon trust <- copium pumping

and a bonus little illustration, happy chuseok!!!

thats all from me!!!!!!! IM REALLY EXCITED TO SEE WHERE THIS ANGEL ARC GOES and whether or not lupellan and wrot,,,, whatever his name was are going to interfere also,,, triple clash!!! also if he'll ever overcome his insomnia,,,

see yall next week :3

[trashcritter]

Writer Interview Tag!

Ngl kind of chuckled to myself when @lolliputian tagged me in this, because I hardly consider myself a writer. I’ve written two full stories, only published one of them on ao3, that doesn’t feel like it counts. BUT. The questions were intriguing and I liked filling them out and thinking about this stuff. I’m tagging @boobcratchit and @el-inle and @poetryvampire and also anyone else who wants to steal this.

When did you start writing?

I mean as a kid I thought of myself as something of a creative writer through middle school, but something changed in high school where I suddenly decided I couldn’t do it anymore (probably just being an anxious perfectionistic teenager, honestly), and I transitioned to solely academic writing. I went to law school and became strictly a legal writer—and a damn good one. But I left my last writing-heavy job in 2020 and basically didn’t write anything until a couple of months ago, where for some reason I finally was able to rip the bandaid off.

Are there any specific themes or genres that you enjoy reading other than what you write?

Sci fi, horror, and I’m also a sucker for brain candy romance novels.

Is there a writer that you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Lol almost nobody is reading anything I’m writing yet, so no one is making any comparisons. I’m really just in a fact finding and developing phase of my writing as a creative pursuit—everything I’m reading I’m trying to think of what I like about it and how those things are being accomplished. So I guess I’m trying to emulate everyone right now as I work to find my own preferences.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I’ve been doing a lot of writing on my phone of all places. For whatever reason, it’s the cheat code to bypass the “writing = SERIOUS BUSINESS” panic moment in my brain that has kept me from transitioning from legal writing to writing as a creative pursuit. Occasionally I’ll hop on my desktop computer, and that is where I do most editing.

What is your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I don’t know yet! I’m mostly a visual artist, and I know that in that realm the best thing I can do for an idea is get it down on paper or in clay ASAP. I’ve been doing the same thing with my writing. Have an idea? A few lines? Throw it down in a new note. I find the ones I keep coming back to, whether it’s a project or a story, are the ones that are ready to have something made of them.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I’ve been really interested in grief and loss as of late. My first piece that I shared with the world earlier this summer is on its surface a really sweet happy little story, but it’s driving point for me was one of grief, and I’m not sure it reads as super bittersweet (it wasn’t intended to), but I know that it’s a very bittersweet story at least for me personally. I keep coming back to a piece lately that is more obviously about immediate loss as well as the consequences of old loss that has gone ungrieved.

Something that is less of a theme and more stylistic is I’m very interested in the flow and musicality of my words. All of my best physical art has a certain movement and musicality to it, and I feel like I’m constantly trying to bring that into my writing as well.

What is your reason for writing?

When I wrote as a large part of my career, I loved the power behind my words. I am a really good legal writer. I’m persuasive as fuck and I am excellent at evoking the emotion and the viewpoint I want my reader to have. I loved that feeling and found that I missed it once I stopped. So I write to recapture the feeling of command and control over language, for one. But also I write because it gives a voice to the words that I would say naturally if I could, but don’t really seem like they belong in every day speech. And I’m finding that I enjoy putting my blorbos in situations and seeing what they do. It’s imaginative in a way that is very different from visual art. Finally, it’s giving me a place to process things in a new way. And I really love being able to share those thoughts and feelings with others; we both discover we aren’t so alone when we connect over writing.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment that you find particularly motivating?

When people call out individual snippets of writing that they particularly thought were beautiful, that brings me such joy. But otherwise just getting encouraging notes has been great. I’m so new to this art form, I know I’m still very much a developing writer, and that things are rough around the edges. But being able to be welcomed by others and have fun with them is really wonderful.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I have no idea. Somebody called my writing very introspective, and I really felt proud of that comment. I think it *is* quite introspective, and I like that. I like taking the inner world and giving it voice.

What do you think is your greatest strength as a writer?

I have no idea what I’m doing. No really—there’s a freedom to being a beginner that you can’t get back. I don’t think my writing is always very effective yet, but I do think it’s honest and unconstrained. In time I’ll learn to build guardrails and give it more shape, but the key I think is maintaining that honesty. And that’s hard to do once you know what you’ve been doing “wrong” the whole time. I’m in no hurry to learn lol.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Oh this is all purely self indulgent bullshit.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I’m pretty self conscious of it right now because I can tell it’s not where I want it to be. And of course it isn’t—I’ve been practicing this skill for a few months, tops? I think it’s better than average for that timeline, but it’s by no means great. I’m trying to be okay with not being great though—it’s good practice for me (or so my therapist says ;) ). I think I’ve got some good ideas, and occasionally lightning strikes and I can create a really solid few sentences. But I can’t yet do it consistently. I just don’t know enough yet. But I’m having *fun* and nobody is paying me for it, and it’s nice to just be able to let something be.

[lehdenlaulu]

Game asks: 5, 9, 14, 22 😁✨

Thank you, love!

5. Game(s) coming out that you’re looking forward to

First of all, Dragon's Dogma 2! It coming out in this year's March was such a delightful surprise. The original game from a decade or so ago was really interesting and in many ways innovative, though it has remained pretty obscure to larger audiences. Even I came across it pretty much by chance.

It's not that I mind the recent trend of tactical/isometric RPGs (though I've never been that big a fan of turn-based, as someone who grew up on the OG Infinity Engine games, RWP all the way), but an open-world action-adventure is still a welcome change (Starfield, bless its heart, doesn't count). I've also never been into the JRPG genre, but DD is an interesting case because while it's a Japanese production, it doesn't feel like a JRPG, aesthetically or otherwise.

Anyway, feast your eyes on the latest trailer!

There are others that I'm looking forward to as well, like Awoved, Broken Roads, Star Wars: Outlaws, and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines 2 (though with the developmental weirdness and the complete overhaul of the entire concept of the game that followed, I'm more cautiously curious than excited now). But realistically, I only expect one or two of them to actually come out this year.

Oh, and there are some cool visual novels coming out that I'm looking forward to as well, like Made Marion (currently in Early Access with Robin's route already playable), Call Me Under (which I hope has avoided the issues the studio's last two games, Errant Kingdom in particular, had), Imperial Grace, Tenebrae, and When Stars Collide.

9. A game you played completely blind with no prior knowledge of and enjoyed/loved

Huh. It's pretty rare for me to go in completely blind, though I usually don't go out of my way to look things up either as the joy of discovery is a big thing for me. But... I guess I could say the first Dragon's Dogma? I did not have many expectations, and while it wasn't the most brilliant thing ever and had some frustrating mechanics, it was super enjoyable (until the endgame bits ugh, but that's a me issue I guess).

Oh, and Enderal, of course! It's safe to say I Had No Idea What I Was In For.

14. A song that’s sure to hit your nostalgia buttons

Hah, how nostalgic do we want to get? Though a song specifically narrows things down a little, hmm.

Honestly, the first one to start playing in my head was Malukah's gorgeous Beauty of Dawn for The Elder Scrolls Online, but my brain also protests because a ten-year-old game is apparently not old enough for it to count as nostalgic. 😂

Something really old, then? How's A Pirate I Was Meant To Be? 😎

22. A game ending that’s really stuck with you

Well. The thing is, I'm apparently chronically allergic to finishing games. It's not that I lose interest, exactly, I guess I just don't like things to end or something? So I'm basically what you might call the complete antithesis of a speedrunner, I have to do literally everything else first and I often find myself loading an older save if I feel like the main quest is proceeding too fast (depending a little on the type of game, of course). 😅

So this is a bit of a challenge for me. Also, endings are tough in any media from a writing standpoint, truly satisfying and impactful endings are difficult to pull off.

But... even though I haven't technically finished it, I think I have to say Enderal. I mean, there are several possible endings, but they're all emotionally impactful, make sense, and will haunt you for a long time afterwards (as does the entire game, really).

Talk to me about video games?

[dubioushonour]

Just sort of a thought ramble I needed to get out of my head, but I was talking with a friend and she mentioned that I'm really not much of a reader. Which is accurate, but also inaccurate, in a way my brain has a hard time articulating.

She's right in that I haven't properly read a new book in ages. I used to read ravenously as a kid because I had no friends and nothing else to do with my time. I still enjoy reading, but there's other mediums my brain clicks better with nowadays because I'm still awful about not just reading a book in one sitting. That's also probably why I read books less frequently as an adult, honestly: there's no good stopping point in a book for me. If I don't finish a book I get too stuck on "what happens next" to focus on anything else. My impulse control with books is pretty garbage because they are right there, in their entirety, for me to consume. This was less of a problem when I was younger and had fewer responsibilities, but as an adult I can't justify all nighters like that (and also just can't do all nighters anymore, period).

But also I still read a lot, but it's: fanfics, it's visual novels, dialogue heavy video games, it's long tvtropes binges and Wikipedia articles and online short stories and pirated manga I have downloaded. I have 90 tabs open on my phone right now and almost all of them are things I'm planning on reading. Things that just are broken up easily, or short, or have clearly defined stopping points that I don't get hung up on. But those are things I read. Its a large number of things I am reading. Sometimes I'm bouncing between them because I have the focus of a child and I get distracted easily, but they're being read.

I've always been a reader. I haven't really stopped being a reader. I love reading. But do I still count as an "avid reader" if I'm not reading proper books on the regular, like I did when I was younger? What's the criteria? "You're not much of a reader" but is it just that we're reading different things??? How do you define this kind of thing? How are we ranking this?

It's just an odd comment my brain has been stuck on since she said it, I guess. I do have a strong desire to read books again, but it's so much harder than it used to be when I was younger. Maybe it's the brain problems I can define properly now. Maybe it's the association I have with books and crippling friendless middle school lunch table loneliness. It could be a lot of things, tbh.

There's just something disconcerting about hearing someone you trust, who you trust knows you well, say something about you so definitively and confidently and that something feels wrong. It's not incorrect, not entirely, but it's also not right. And if I didn't write it out I was going to be stuck on it for hours and chewing on it until I drove myself into a hole trying to articulate the feeling.

[that-homoerotic-blouse]

30 Questions Meme

I was tagged by @goodtobealunatic and it made me so happy! It’s been a while since I filled one of these. Thank you!

Rules: Answer these 30 questions then tag 20 people you wanna get to know better.

1. Name/Nickname: Em

2. Gender: Error 404

3. Star Sign: Capricorn/Aquarius (look, I’m tired, I don’t care for horoscopes and all I know is that in some places the 20th is considered a Capricorn and in others it’s considered Aquarius, so to hell with it I’m both)

4. Height: 5’7”

5. Time: 23:25 pm

6. Birthday: 20/01

7. Favorite Band: uhhh gonna say Queen, cause their vibe and the stylistic variety of their music is simply dazzling, but I must confess I’m not one for bands, I usually listen to soundtracks or instrumental music mainly 

8. Favorite Solo Artist: umm David Bowie, I guess? Again, his vibe and his style are majestic and he’s got a lot of songs about space :)

9. Song currently stuck in your head: none and THANK GOD FOR THAT

10. Last movie watched: The Prince of Egypt (1998) because it’s a visual masterpiece and the music makes me cry :’)

11. Last show watched: Doctor Who (I’m halfway through my season 4 rewatch heheh)

12. When I created this blog: May 2014

13. What I post: mostly RTD era Doctor Who stuff (which remains one of my longest hyperfixations to date), things to do with David Tennant, Much Ado, Good Omens, my favorite films and other random stuff, but also activism, intersectional feminism, lgbtq+ and gender related stuff

14. Last thing I googled: Gävle Goat (because my adhd brain suddenly went WAIT IS THIS THE GOAT THAT BURNS EVERY YEAR at 1am)

15. Other blogs of yours: nope! No sideblogs no nothing, this baby here is my personal dumpster, a true clusterfuck of stuff

16. Following: 250

17. Do you get asks?: Sometimes? More like rarely, but I love answering them anyway so please don’t be shy ;)

18. Why you chose your URL: skdjjfhjfvkfndvk to be completely honest I’m not sure, I’ve had the same URL since I first logged onto this site in the ancient year of our Lord 2014 and haven’t changed it (although I’m considering it). I suppose what my baby teen self wanted to convey was that I was an overly dramatic flamboyant little gay, which still stands true as of today ;)

19. Lucky number: none I guess? When I was younger though I used to believe that the number my name occupied on the school class list gave me luck, which was at first 9 and then 12 in high school, but I gave that up a long time ago

20. Followers: 821

21. Average hours of sleep: 7 or 8 almost every night, because I’m basically glued to the sheets if I get any less. However it takes me an awful long time to fall asleep (lmao) so it could be between 6 and 7

22. Play any instruments: oohhhohoh no definitely not, it’s been a long time since I abandoned learning music and decided to simply enjoy it (but I used to play the violin when I was little) 

23. What’re you wearing: grey sweatpants, black V-neck t-shirt and my favorite socks :3

24. Dream job: ideally, something related to acting or in the creative industry

25. Favorite food: POTATOES, POTATOES IN ALL THEIR SHAPES AND FORMS ARE EXQUISITE ... or alternatively, something with cheese and tomato, like pasta or pizza

26. Nationality: European (lol) that’s all you need to know

27. Favorite song: aaaaaa but that’s an impossible question! It’s like counting drops in the ocean! I can tell you one I’ve been listening to recently because of nostalgia though, We go Where No one Goes by Jonsi

28. Last song you listened to: Run Boy Run by Woodkid

29. Last book you read: hmmmm I haven’t read anything properly in ages (*ashamed screech*), but for academic purposes the last one I read was Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell, and I’m also just starting Beautiful Chaos, which is a DoctorDonna novel and it looks great so far :)

30. 3 fictional universes you’d love to live in:  kjdskcdhcbkds this is the question that provides me with all the daydream scenarios. But just three? Okay let’s see: Doctor Who!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (YES PLEASE) !!!!!!!!!!!!!, How to Train your Dragon (DRAGONNNSS) and perhaps ATLA because I’ve always wanted to waterbend ^^

I’m tagging: @mayomkun @earthgirl-sunshine @wordsintimeandspace @mothdogs @coolartist1110 @badwolfgirl13 @fritzmetzger @senadimell @onthedriftinthetardis @jasdoctorwhowriter @mylonelyangel7 @loupettes @geekgoddess @tenthdoctorlife @englishbunnyrocks @dumbfilmschoolkid @chemeli @rcse @deardiary17 @libeloco

[philcoulsonismyhero]

Fic Writer Interview

I got tagged by the excellent @astriiformes Ages ago to do this fic writer interview thing, and I’m finally getting around it! So here goes...

Name:

Mairi (sounds like 'marry'), Kamemor over on AO3 (after a particularly cool Romulan politician in a Star Trek novel, if you were wondering)

Fandoms:

Currently, I'm writing a lot of RWBY fic and that's unlikely to change because I'm deep in Special Interest Hell with no signs of coming up for air. In the past, I've also written a bunch of stuff for Criminal Minds and The Flash/DCTV. I've got a lot of other fandoms, but those are the main ones I've written for.

Two-shot:

Assuming this is asking if I've ever written one, technically no. But I do have a series (Just Hold On, a RWBY fix-it) that currently consists of two fics which could stand alone as they are, although I have plans to continue that one for quite a few more fics if I can find the motivation and time. And I guess I also have a couple of fics that I could have split into two chapters because they switch from one POV to another about halfway through. I like to stick to third person limited POV, and that means I often have section breaks when I want to switch from one character's perspective to another's, and for a two-person scene that usually means two sections. But I like the oneshot structure, and usually I don't feel like what I'm writing is long enough to split into chapters.

Most popular multi-chapter:

I only have one true multi-chapter fic, and it's Moving Forward, a Flash fic based on the idea of Reverse Flash being taken prisoner at the end of s1 rather than being wiped from existence. It's technically still unfinished, but I got a lot of lovely comments on that one a few years back when I was posting it, including a few folks that went through and commented on each chapter and really made my day. Maybe one day I'll actually finish it...

The only other thing I have that’s multi-chapter is a collection of missing scene ficlets, also Flash fic, but that doesn’t really count.

Actual worst part of writing:

My brain tends to be very visual when I'm writing fanfic for a TV show, and few things are as annoying as knowing exactly the facial expression someone is pulling and having No Idea how to describe it in words. Same with tones of voice. Also, I tend to jump straight into writing the bits of scenes that are most interesting to me, and going back and adding in the context that you need to make something actually readable for someone that isn't you can be a bit tiresome.

How you choose your titles:

It depends, tbh. A lot of my older fics are titled with short verb phrases that are pretty straightforward (like 'Moving Forward' or 'Breaking the Cycle'), but recently I've rather enjoyed using song lyrics. Most of my RWBY fics have lyric titles either from songs from the show itself or songs that I've got on my extensive Ironwood character playlist or otherwise just quite like and feel like they fit. I don't tend to find titles all that difficult, and I've got a fair few WIPs that have them already.

Do you outline:

Again, depends on the fic. With longer ones, yes, usually as a list of bullet points describing what happens. But shorter missing scene fics or things that I bashed out in only one or two sessions and only follow a single conversation tend not to be outlined because they just flow as I write them. I've got some more extensive outlines for a few of the fix-it AUs I've been playing with, but even then they're just bullet point lists or mostly held in my own head.

Ideas I probably won't get around to but wouldn't it be nice:

I have. So many. Most of them are RWBY fix-it fic, which is fun to write at the moment of divergence but then A Huge Endeavour to follow any further than that. I’ve planned out a bunch of different shapes for where the three different versions I’ve already written and posted would go, but there’s only one of them that I’m really continuing (aforementioned two fic series). Although I have a dilemma there, because the climax of the story arc that I figured out for that ‘verse would work even better in the other one that focuses more on Penny & Ironwood. But it’s not as simple as just throwing the idea into continuity with that one, because there’s a Major difference between the two in that in one of them, Qrow was the one who got through to Ironwood, and in the other they kinda hate each other over the whole ‘I blame you (and also me but mostly you) for Clover’s death’ thing, so I’d have to plot out a completely different relationship arc there which would have a knock-on impact on how well Ironwood is dealing with everything else. Canon divergence fic! it’s a good time.

I’ve also got So Much other RWBY fic in bits and pieces in various Google docs, it’s ridiculous. (Including a superhero AU that I’m rather fond of conceptually, but don’t really have a solid arc plot for.) A lot of it would be nice to get into a publishable state, but I probably won’t ever be bothered to.

On the not-RWBY front, I've also got a big Criminal Minds/Silent Witness crossover that I've planned out all the beats of, but actually writing it means coming up with the specific details of the murders and the autopsy scenes and a whole lot of technical stuff that I'm not comfortable just winging based on what I've seen on TV. But I also don't like researching real life crime stuff even though I love a good crime drama, so you see my dilemma. I like casefic in theory, but in practice I'm probably not going to write much of it. 

Callouts @ me:

Just because you’re an insomniac who mostly writes fic at night rather than sleeping doesn’t mean that every conversation fic has to happen as a result of one or both characters being unable to sleep, my dude. There are Other circumstances in which people talk to each other.

Best writing traits:

I’m good at character voice, although that’s a pretty standard thing to be good at. I also really like unconventional crossovers, I’ve gotten pretty good at playing around with conversations between characters who never met or aren’t even from the same universe and coming up with a believable dynamic for them. I also like to think that I’m good at getting into the heads of awkward characters and figuring out which bits to poke at in order to get them to do things they didn’t do in canon. (And figuring out how they rationalised the things they did actually do.) That’s a big reason why I liked writing Reverse Flash, the complicated bastard, and it’s why I’m having so much fun with Ironwood now. You’ve really got to work at him to get him to change direction, great big stubborn disaster that he is, and I think I’ve rather gotten the hang of that.

Spicy tangential opinion:

People should write more longfic focused on gen relationships. Some of the most fascinating relationships in stories, at least to me, are the ones between people you’d never expect to be friends, or between adults and the kids they feel responsible for who also feel kinda responsible for them, and that makes for a (imho) much more interesting story than most ships. I Live for a good complicated mentor/mentee relationship, but I hate looking for fic about them because then I have to deal with the fact that a lot of people ship those relationships and it squicks me out. Give me the longfics about types of relationships I actually care about!

(This whole thing is a good 40% of the reason that I’ve ended up get absorbed in planning out a RWBY Vol8 re-write where the parallels and the newly complicated relationship between Ruby and Ironwood is The Main Agenda. (The other 60% of the reason being ‘[x character] deserved better’.) There’s some Really Good Stuff there and I want to play with it in more of a longform situation than my usual oneshots.)

No pressure tagging:

@squireofgeekdom , @catgirlalchemist , and anyone else who wants to give it a go! Feel free to say I tagged you :D

[bronanlynch]

bi-ish weekly update

time sure passes huh. meant to do one last week but I wrote like 5000 words on Wednesday instead, and I’m not really sure what happened yesterday but maybe Thursday is my new day for these

listening: two for the price of one this week since I’m excited about both of them. first of all, obviously, is the Sangfielle theme by Jack de Quidt because it’s time for a new season of Friends at the Table. I love their description of this season’s music

the other thing I’ve been listening to is the new album from one of my fave bands, You’re Welcome from A Day to Remember. this is by far not the most musically interesting or complex song on the album but it is about, as far as I can tell, a bad breakup with a vampire and I love it for that just on principle, but also it’s fun! a fun pop punk-esque bop about breaking up with a vampire!

reading: since last time when I talked about many romance novels I was reading, I mostly just read more romance novels because sometimes that is all the brain can handle. shout out to KJ Charles for writing a historical romance with a nonbinary main characters, you really do love to see it. I appreciate that she puts trans characters in her books, and I hope that someday she writes one with a trans man as a main character, because that truly would be a book targeted directly at me.

I’ve also been reading the Kate Kane, Paranormal Investigator series by Alexis Hall (author of Affair of the Mysterious Letter, a weird fantasy queer Sherlock Holmes retelling that absolutely fucking slaps, highly recommend).

this is his author bio from the Kate Kane books, which really just sets the tone and also. what a fucking life goal

anyway. series starts with Iron & Velvet which is currently on sale, which is why I bought it, and it also fucking slaps. I’m like halfway through the last book right now but they have all been good and fun. Kate is like. archetypal disaster p.i. but done in an interesting way (i.e. the narrative actually addresses the depression and the alcoholism in a way that I personally really appreciated), and also pretty much every woman in the ~supernatural community she encounters is an ex or someone she will flirt/hook up with at some point, which is an accurate representation of every irl queer space I’ve ever been part of. she dates a vampire for a while. hot morally questionable vampire lady. the vampire power structure names positions after tarot cards it’s very fun and sexy and tailored specifically toward my interests. also she lives in the same part of London as my ex-girlfriend so it’s. fun to recognize place names and be like. oh I went there on a date once huh

watching: started watching Turn A Gundam because a twitter friend recommended it as being fun and also very different then any other Gundam series and they were right on both counts. the premise of it is ‘what if a bunch of people went to live on the moon and some people stayed on earth, the moon people got real into super advanced technology and the earth people are larping the 19th century, and now the moon people want to come back’ so there’s a fun mix of visual styles. would love to see serious analytical writing on this show by someone more versed in discussing indigeneity/colonialism than me though because there are things that I’m a little bit hmmm at but I don’t know enough to be able to explain why or know if that’s the right response to have

don’t know what’s up with the dude on the left’s sunglasses but my friend has promised me the fashion choices only get weirder

I know about the ‘wow cool robots’ meme but some of the mech designs are very cool and visually distinct both from each other and from the standard blocky humanoid shape that lots of mechs are, so that’s fun to see. and they’re all different sizes too, which for me at least makes it easier to get a sense of the scale of the conflict/threat. when they’re all the same size it’s easy for me to forget they’re like 40 feet tall but when some of them are 40 feet and some of them are like 10 feet it’s a lot easier to be like. oh. oh shit. these are big and destructive and scary as hell

there are mini versions of this big mech that are like. the size of one of its feet

also there’s some fun stuff about how the way society relates to a mech and what a mech is used for can change over time, which is part of what is maybe inspiring me to get back into trying to write games, because between Turn A and the fic I was writing about Integrity Friendsatthetable I was like. hey what if a hack of The Ground Itself by Everest Pipkin, a game about a place changing over time, except instead of a place it’s a mech

playing: finished Knife of Dunwall finally! please clap! I was kinda half-expecting not to keep to low chaos in the last mission because there are so many overseers but I did it! I did do a bunch of accidentally getting into fights, killing a bunch of people, and then reloading an earlier save so I could go back and not kill those people but it’s fine. anyway. fun game, fun level once I got the hang of it, and I do feel like I accomplished something a lil bit difficult so that’s a nice feeling. definitely harder than the main game. also, very sad about Billie and gay for Delilah. she shows up just to threaten you and then disappears again, and I think that’s pretty hot of her. also love the narrative parallels of having the choice to spare Billie and then the game ending with Corvo about to decide whether to spare Daud or not. I just think that’s neat

making: made some Thai green curry last week from this recipe, which was tasty and not too hard to make, but has just enough specialty ingredients to make it a lil bit too expensive to make too often. our grocery store only ever has lemongrass when we’re looking for things that look kinda like lemongrass but aren’t, and didn’t have any when we need it so we just used extra lemongrass paste and lime juice for the lemongrass, and for the kaffir lime leaves, which we were also supposed to substitute with lemongrass but. it’s fine it was still tasty

writing: a lot somehow, although it’s been over two weeks since last time I did one of these so I guess that makes sense. I wrote a couple of things for 15 Days of Friends at the Table, including Broun, Milli, and Thisbe cottagecore roommates, Clem and Gucci bickering/flirting, and an extended dream sequence that makes me very sad about Integrity (I’m very proud of the last one, I know it has a very small target audience because Sokrates/Integrity is very much a rarepair in an already small fandom, there are 6 works in the tag, 4 of them are by me, 2 of them are by the same other person, and one of those is a gift for me so. it’s mostly just me, but I think I wrote something pretty good)

also meant to write more for Persona 5 Girls Week, although so far I’ve only written one thing, a quick fluff fic which for once requires very little knowledge of the source material. meant to write something for today’s prompt but instead I had two job interviews and then cooked dinner for my household so that probably will not happen and I will probably watch more Gundam instead

[amerasdreams]

I have been listening to True Spies podcast on Spotify. It’s apparently connected to a thing called Spyscape, which has a museum/experience thing in New York. They also have an online test for your personality and intelligence.... well those intelligence tests all of course have to do with math. and they are TIMED. somehow I got thru guessing most of them.... didn’t score 0 but didn’t score great. 

so guess what I scored on intelligence!  and personality scores mean I’m more prone to health problems and being unhappy.... :( 

(here I woke up thinking I can be uniquely me, I don’t want to be like anyone else anyway, I can embrace that... but how can I when what I am is this pathetic)

I shouldn’t have done this, I know what these tests do, make me discouraged and hate myself more. they even said I’m not imaginative and creative-- things I value most besides intelligence (and intuition/empathy...) 

they did say the “spy role” I was most suited for, which is what I’m most interested in, intelligence analyst. But in the more “practical” side, for jobs, it mentioned medical things, technical things, which I wouldn’t be good at and don’t like, business marketing-- working for a business I don’t care about, a job with no meaning....  it even had mathematician! when I’m obviously not good at math. the only jobs I might be interested in are psychologist/criminologist... idk.... to late for me to get any career anyway, let alone somehow what I really want

they did a risk assessment, where you blow up the balloon before it pops to get “money” - yesterday I started it and panicked when the balloon popped the first time and closed the window. then when I was walking the dogs it occured to me it was a test lol and I would just have to keep risking popping the balloon... so today I saw it as more of a game and not the ‘scary balloon popping oh no I lost money!” -not even real money. idk about fun.... all these things were stressful esp the intelligence test. 

today I started the test, thinking it might help me, get insight into what I can do, instead, it discouraged me, I’m what I thought, mediocre and not suited for much, they only gave a “role” to me because they had to give me something. It said the intelligence analyst is inquisitive--when it just said I wasn’t -  idk how this even fits with the test bc analytical? that wasn’t one of the dimensions and doesn’t seem like I scored high on implied analytical powers, same with determined-- 

how can i live with myself being like this, having no role and no future according to any dimension that really counts. don’t want to be plodding away at menial tasks when I want to do something Imaginative, Creative, Intellectual-- ha can’t even do that

oh I’m proving them right, easily stressed and sensitive and reactive -- 

I’m not including the risk assessment bc I don’t think it’s accurate-- I’m really very risk averse in all cases... oh we know that already so. 

~

results (bold/parentheses is mine)

MENTAL HORSEPOWER

Unlike Alan Turing would, you scored moderately low {yay!:(} on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that, on the whole, you struggle with complex mathematical and analytical problems. {so how can I be an analyst?} That said, you can usually spot patterns and find links in data – as long as the information you have been given isn’t too abstract. (I like big picture things.... abstract things... apparently I’m not good at it)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people with a moderately low Mental Horsepower score, you are more likely to ‘go with your gut’ when making decisions rather than to apply logic and reason (that’s true.... logic is mystifying. fits with being INFP-- logic is my weakest point). It is unlikely that you will sit down and win a game of chess, and you probably rely on your satnav rather than read a map yourself. (yep.... chess is too much strategy... I can’t see ahead like that .. hm how could I be an analyst)

IN YOUR WORK

Because you are not a very conceptual thinker, you are better in roles where you can do things ‘automatically’ rather than applying any abstract reasoning skills. You are not bad at visual-spatial or mathematical tests though, and with training and practice, your skills will definitely improve.

THE SCIENCE

Mental Horsepower relates to our general cognitive ability and our capacity to think about, reason with, and understand abstract concepts. It particularly links to analytical and mathematical skills, but also covers memory, comprehension, language, learning capacity and judgement. These are hugely significant skills for success at work and in everyday life.

Psychologists have developed all kinds of tests to measure cognitive ability. Some of these involve predicting outcomes from patterns in data (also known as inductive reasoning), while others focus on mentally flipping and rotating images. We use both of these approaches in our Mental Horsepower tests at SPYSCAPE.

Recent neuroimaging research shows that intelligence is linked to brain patterns, and that these patterns are unique to each of us (meaning you can’t change them :(  )– much like our fingerprints. In one study, these brain ‘fingerprints’ were used to successfully predict people’s scores in IQ tests.

While IQ tests are probably the most common method for determining cognitive ability, there is some debate over whether they provide a complete picture. For example, theories suggest that there are many different types of intelligence which are not accounted for in these tests. Still, it is generally accepted that people who score highly on tests of cognitive ability are on the whole better at completing intelligence-related (so that career’s out... if it was ever in lol) tasks in the real world.

~

COMPOSURE

Unlike Jason Bourne, you scored extremely low (low on everything! what a wonderful person!) on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that you are far more vulnerable to stressors than most people (I knew that). You are likely to have a very strong emotional reaction to negative events and your brain becomes highly active when you see something you perceive as unpleasant (like this test!). Although this means you find it hard to relax, it also means you are really tuned in to your surroundings ( and what’s the upside of that? nice consolation prize....)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people with extremely low levels of composure, you are highly likely to experience anxiety and burnout. (with things that aren’t really stressful to anyone else. just stepping outside. just being inside-- doing thigns like this.. doing most things actually-- help how can i live) You can be far too critical of yourself (well how do i stop? if this is how I am like), especially when you are stressed (which is almost all the time), and this can make it tricky for you to overcome problems (which is never, which is why I’m still living w my parents). You also dwell on the past far more than people with high composure.

On the positive side, you are responsive to your environment, which means you are more likely to anticipate negative outcomes and find ways to avoid them (like almost everything). You are also sensitive and caring, and your observant nature means you look out for yourself and the people close to you. (what’s the point of that when you can’t do anything, or get to know new people)

IN YOUR WORK

It is unlikely your colleagues will turn to you when there is an emergency or crisis at work. This is because you struggle to keep your emotions in check, and challenging situations can get the better of you. When this happens, you are not great at maintaining focus or making tough decisions.

THE SCIENCE

Composure relates to how our brains respond to stress. In tense situations, your brain activates an area called the hypothalamus, which releases adrenalin and cortisol – also known as stress hormones.

A bit of stress now and then is important for survival, because it alerts us to the dangers around us. Small amounts can be useful, but too much over a long period of time is bad for our health (oh goody). Studies show that the adrenal cortex, the part of the brain that releases stress hormones, is also linked to the healthy function of our immune system – and people who are more prone to stress are also more likely to get sick.

There is also a connection between composure and working (short-term) memory. Composed people perform better on tasks where they need to recall and use relevant information while they’re doing something else – for example remembering the steps of a recipe when cooking a meal.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN COMPOSURE ARE

LAID-BACK

RELAXED

COOL

FOCUSED

POISED

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN COMPOSURE ARE

EMOTIONAL

SENSITIVE

PERCEPTIVE

RESPONSIVE

VIGILANT

~

Contentiousness

Unlike diligent Mission: Impossible hero Isla Faust, you scored moderately low on this attribute. The result, driven by your performance in the personality tests, suggests that unlike Isla, you find it difficult to keep focused on long-term goals {Idk about this. goals are all i focus on.... well. I think about them often but Idk how to create the steps to get there and so things fizzle out and I get-- discouraged what else is new). You get distracted or bored quite quickly and are often drawn to new ideas and projects instead of finishing what you are currently doing (well.... hm. I finish novels...). You understand what is important in life, but you sometimes skip the details. (I’m not a detail person... I can be but they often seem irrelevant)

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Because you prefer not to a follow a schedule, hobbies that require regular training are not for you. In fact, your interests change quite regularly, and you find long-term commitment a challenge whatever the activity. Friends and family know that if they want you to do something, they need to encourage you to get organized. When they press you, however, you do things pretty well.

IN YOUR WORK

You take a relatively flexible approach to work. As such, you get distracted easily and do not always complete the task in hand. Because of your tendency to do this, you are likely to change jobs – and perhaps even career – fairly regularly (I want variety... Idk, this sort of fits, sort of doesn’t).

THE SCIENCE

Conscientiousness shapes how likely you are to follow rules, regulate your own behavior and get yourself organized. The more conscientious you are, the more motivated by goals and tasks you are likely to be.

According to what psychologists call the ‘Big-5’ model, conscientiousness is a core dimension of personality – and one of the five key traits that drive human behavior. Whether you are high or low in conscientiousness can help predict your success in social, academic and professional situations.

If you have high levels of conscientiousness, you are probably more productive and better at adapting to new situations (that’s true, I’m not) that come your way. However, this does not mean that being conscientious is always a good thing, because research also shows that being too conscientious can lead to overthinking. (I do that too...)

Some studies suggest that people who are more conscientious are healthier – and they might even live longer. This might be because conscientious people are more likely to exercise regularly, eat healthily, and avoid smoking or drinking too much alcohol.

It’s hard to say where conscientiousness comes from. One study found a link with areas of the brain relating to attention and cognitive control. There is also evidence to suggest that genes play their part. It’s likely that social factors such as your upbringing influence how conscientious you are, too.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ARE

HIGH-ACHIEVING

ACCOUNTABLE

THOROUGH

DRIVEN

SELF-DISCIPLINED

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN CONSCIENTIOUSNESS ARE

IMPULSIVE

FLEXIBLE

EASY-GOING

SPONTANEOUS

ADAPTABLE

(I think I’m sort of this, sort of not because I’m borderline INFP -- P is flexible, impulsive while J is more structured-- I’m slightly more Perceiving. goes to show Myers-Briggs is pretty good at describing personality accurately....)

~

INQUISITIVENESS

Unlike Carrie Mathison in Homeland, you scored moderately low on this attribute. Your score was driven by your performance in the personality tests, and it suggests that you are pretty cautious about new ideas, beliefs, cultures and theories.

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like other people who scored moderately low on this attribute, you are not so willing to take on board other people’s views (that’s true). You will consider what people have to say, but you are likely to stick with your own opinion. You feel more comfortable in familiar situations and surroundings (well, yes...), and you do not really feel the need to explore new places (I kind of do, though... I want to but I often... don’t. because it’s too hard).

IN YOUR WORK

Because you aren’t motivated to learn or acquire new skills (Idk about this... depends on if it’s something I’m interested in. I’m learning like 15 languages on Duolingo...), you are less likely to seek out new opportunities at work. And the longer you stay in a job, the worse your motivation is likely to get. In general, you tend to perform better when you start a new position, although you will carry this out using the same approach you always have, rather than approach it in a new way. You like real-world, practical work that has straightforward solutions.

THE SCIENCE

Inquisitiveness is an important trait for discovering new things and building a better understanding of people and of the world around us. Psychologists have developed tools for assessing and measuring how inquisitive a person is.

These are based on extensive research into personality and are designed to evaluate five facets related to inquisitiveness: (i) intellectual curiosity; (ii) aesthetic sensitivity; (iii) active imagination; (iv) attentiveness to inner feelings and; (v) preference for variety.

Furthermore, personality researchers have identified two types of inquisitiveness; ‘epistemic’, which refers to information seeking ( I think I’m more information seeking?) behaviour and ‘perceptual’, which refers to experience seeking.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN INQUISITIVENESS ARE

CURIOUS

OPEN-MINDED

IMAGINATIVE AND INVENTIVE

CREATIVE

ADAPTIVE

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN INQUISITIVENESS ARE

PRACTICAL

CONSISTENT

TRADITIONAL

HABITUAL

PRAGMATIC

~

SOCIABILITY

A bit like Alec Leamas in The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, you scored extremely low (yay. well I knew this... and from answering the questions... )on this attribute, which suggests that you prefer to spend time alone and keep yourself to yourself. You avoid parties, meet-ups and other noisy gatherings because you find them overwhelming (wayyyy). If you really have to socialize, you need plenty of quiet time afterwards to help you rest and recharge.

IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

Like others with an extremely low sociability score, you don’t like being the center of attention and often struggle to start conversations. You think a lot before speaking and regularly find it hard to express your thoughts and ideas. Because of this, you often let others do the talking, and you don’t take part in small talk either. This behavior means you might come across as socially reactive, and people may think you only talk to them when you feel you really have to (as in, extremely negative, and I shouldn’t exist. although... i do talk to them if I have to.... haha I do take part in small talk because I think I have to. or people will think I’m rude. but I don’t like it. I’m sensitive to how I’m perceived and don’t want to be seen as too antisocial, but I talk to others out of fear not of want... yikes. no wonder no one wants to be around me. well I don't want to be around them. well - I want to be around people I know well. for limited amounts of time... need less to recharge from people I know than strangers. I want to be with them, I don’t want to be with strangers-- it’s only stress and not fun at all. but how do i get past the stranger part to the friend part if I don’t like being with strangers and it’s all stressful adn overwhelming? How do i participate in society, have people to talk to, have any sort of success??? - shouldn't exist.).

IN YOUR WORK

Because you are more comfortable working independently (please. HOW???? besides working for myself... haha can’t work for anyone else bc can’t get past the interview, these ^ traits are obvious and not something any employer in their right mind wants), you will be more productive – and much happier – managing your own workload, tackling problems alone, and avoiding company brainstorms and powwows.

THE SCIENCE

How sociable you are can be linked to your levels of happiness, positivity, and wellbeing. In fact, sociability relates to a variety of positive outcomes in life, including how successful you are at work, how well you cope with challenging situations, and even how physically and mentally healthy you are. (yay. I’m doomed. I might as well kill myself now)

People who are highly sociable are more positive emotionally (case in point!) than those who are less sociable. In one brain imaging study, people with a high sociability score had higher levels of brain activity when they saw images of happy faces and other positive emotions.

The same part of the brain that processes emotions also helps interpret information from social contexts, which means we can judge a social situation and then respond appropriately (social situations, like math problems and logic, are mystifying to me. yay the things that are highest linked to success--).

There is some evidence to suggest that highly sociable people might be better at detecting and decoding the meaning of social cues –  including how they analyze and read people’s faces (oh, I know that. I have a hard time judging people’s faces, in fact I often think they are mad at me or judging me by their faces when they probably aren’t. I even have trouble finding out what emotions go with what emoji! besides the basics. i mean why, how are there so many emojis....). This means they are likely to find social interaction easier to deal with than others (lol yes. it’s . not easy. why. do i have to be born like this. always been. hell..).

There is also research to suggest that highly sociable people have more connections between regions of the brain that involve visual stimulus and regions that process social and emotional stimuli. (brains are better, we get it)

Sociability might also be associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is linked to reward-seeking behavior. It is thought that people who are highly sociable may have an enhanced response to dopamine in the brain, which makes them pursue rewards such as attention, status, power or pleasure. This would explain why, when they get these things, they feel happier or more satisfied.

PEOPLE SCORING HIGH IN SOCIABILITY ARE

TALKATIVE

FRIENDLY

ENTHUSIASTIC

ENERGETIC

EXCITABLE

PEOPLE SCORING LOW IN SOCIABILITY ARE

QUIET

RESERVED

INTROSPECTIVE

PRIVATE

SHY

^ ALLL negative attributes, I need to just kill myself now, no future. 

[haro-whumps]

from your recent OC ask: 15, 21, 22, 25, 27, 1, 9 & 3 for Ren & Galo & Soren <333

What color(s) do you associate with them?

Ren -- Pastel blue/Ice blue

Galo -- Crayola blue

Soren -- gold (also sky blue and white)

How would they describe love?

Ren -- Obsession

Galo -- “Uh, gee, what kind? Haha, I guess, okay so, I think of love as like, a triangle right? And each point is a different necessary pillar of it: Affection, Trust, and Commitment. And you’ve gotta have all three for it to, gee, I guess ‘count?’ Affection is the easy part, I think, cause love, like, when you think of love that’s usually where your brain goes? Trust is harder, because trust is earned and easily broken, but it’s so key because if you don’t trust someone how could you love them, really really love them? And Commitment is important cause like, love is a choice, right? Love is a feeling, sure, absolutely, but more than that love is a very active, conscious decision that we make. And we have to keep making it! And Love... can be hard, yeah, because everything takes work, but I wouldn’t call love work. Mostly, I think it is a joy?”

Soren -- answered!

Do they think they’d make a good parent, regardless of whether they want kids or not?

Ren -- no, lmao. They know they shouldn’t be responsible for tiny humans, and think that they’re gross. (the manipulation does not enter their reasoning here)

Galo -- He likes to think so, yes. He likes kids, and has always enjoyed the idea of settling down and starting a family some day (adoption only, tho, because pregnancy and the birthing process are HORRIFIC and WHY would ANYONE willingly go through that?!?!)

Soren -- Soren is aware that kids are now out of the question for him, but even so, he thinks he could be a good father, if the need arose.

Did you have a first draft for them? What were they like? Are very they different to the final draft?

Ren -- Sort of, yes! They were initially much more lively and snarky and less sinister, but as the story progressed they just sort of... settled into their throne.

Galo -- Nope! I have had Very Clear plans from Galo from conception, in that I wanted a Caretaker who Knows What The Fuck They’re Doing, more or less, and while I like to give Galo realistic blindspots (not wanting to believe poorly of his family, accepting things society tells him at face value cause he was Raised With Those Things As Normal) I also have ALWAYS wanted him to be emotionally intelligent and able to respond to the situation in a helpful, more than just well-intentioned manner

Soren -- Nope, he’s always been wide-eyed and fawning.

What flowers do you associate with them?

Ren -- ppppprobably lillies?

Galo -- blue anemone

Soren -- Baby’s breath (which happens to be my fave flower)

If they could be in a different story of a different genre, what genre would they choose?

Ren -- dark bl visual novel

Galo -- also isekai

Soren -- answered!

What’s their opinion of all those MAN version of products?

Ren -- the cis MUST be stopped

Galo -- the cis MUST be stopped

Soren -- doesn’t remember them, and has obviously never seen them. No opinion by default.

What sweets remind you of them?

Ren -- Marzipan (you think “oh that looks nice! I bet it’s sweet” and then it isn’t)

Galo -- Twix, I will not elaborate

Soren -- honey buns

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #224

“i don’t miss you, i miss the misery.”

What’s a hobby you would like to try out? Digital art. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? A mutual effort to kiss. Like, you both purse your lips. What time is too early for you? 5:00 A.M. is generally when if I wake up, I'll go back to bed. Have you ever won a raffle? If so, what’ve you won? Yes, actually. I very faintly remember winning something up in New York at a bowling alley as a family when I was little. Idr what we won. What’s the most useless thing you have vast knowledge on? Probably Silent Hill lol, if we're talking about truly useless. Video game lore and such knowledge isn't exactly truly useful. Is there anything you feel you’re better at than anybody else? No. What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? Uhhh probably some kind of beetle. How about the biggest spider? A bird-eating tarantula when I was at the reptile convention with Sara. When’s the last time you played Pac-Man? WOW, it's been years. I've only ever played it on my childhood GameBoy. What is your favorite winter Olympic sport? I guess ice skating is pretty, but I don't care about sports. You Internet dies; what do you do for the next little while? Ummm this is when I feel like a caveman lmao. Probably... play Nintendogs on my DS. I hate hate hate how reliant I am on technology. What was the last test you completely failed? Recently on my first math test of this year. I bombed it, but at least I wasn't alone I guess. Oh look, it’s snowing outside! Do you get excited? Hell yes. Is your room covered in posters, or pretty bare? My walls are coooooverrrrrred. What sport do you completely fail at? I went to a volleyball summer camp thing in school years upon years ago and that shit HURT. I don't think I stayed the whole duration of it. Do you ever question life and existence? Not really anymore. Why does it really even matter why we're here, just make the most of it. Admit it, we all love brand named clothes. What’s your favorite? I genuinely don't care about brand names. Would you ever risk having a house party when you’re parents are gone? Hell no. What are you plans for the future? Achieve a stable career, learn to drive and have my own car, buy my own home, move in with the person I love, have lots of pets, and most importantly just be happy and content. Is your cell phone on vibrate? It pretty much always is. Is your dishwasher full? We don't have a dishwasher; we have to wash by hand. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I don't know many of their songs, but they're fine, from what I've heard. Have you ever played tennis? No, I don't have that coordination. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? I think so. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Who is the last baby you held? Colleen's son forever ago because she needed me to. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? Wow no. Do you have any scars from an animal? Possibly, idk. I have a lot of small scars. How have you been sleeping? Awful. I've pretty damn consistently been having screaming fits (I mean, actually shrieking) at night where I attack my bed from nightmares. I actually recently hurt my hand from it. I want to go to the doctor about it, it's really worrying me. Are you adopted? No. Do you like scrapbooking? I'm not really a crafts person, no. Do you collect anything valuable? No. How many house phones do you have? Zero. We only use cellphones. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? I don't believe so, thankfully. What was the last thing you killed? I at least tried crushing a flea. Mom used some kind of spray on the dogs outside, but it resulted in them just hopping off them inside too, apparently. Whose number did you last get? I have no idea. Have you ever thought about stepping in front of a car? I mean, I've had like those passive thoughts; you know, like when you're up somewhere high and your brain tells you to jump. But never seriously. Have you ever lied down in the middle of the street? Don't give me The Notebook flashbacks pls sobs. Anyway, ha ha, yes, only because my sister wanted a picture of us huddled together when Misty was here? Everyone loves that picture though so thanks for taking it Jason, lol. Do you listen to explicit music? Some songs, sure. Have you ever used someone for money? I could never live with myself doing that. Do you own colored eyeliner? No, just black. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Some time last year when we got two sick rats in a row. Have you ever tried peanut butter and bananas together? Yeah, pb&banana sandwiches are pretty good. Do you have any mental disorders? *opens notes* Chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, severe generalized anxiety, bipolarity II, AvPD, PTSD, and OCD W O W ! ! ! ! ! Have you ever had to live with a friend? Yes, when we got evicted in '17. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Hell no. Why does the little kid have leukemia? So God can scare you into faith to save the child he cursed with the disease? Why did my sick kitten get run over when I was a kid? Why was my sister almost raped as a teen? I could go on forever about this. Life gets a lot more bearable once you just accept the shit isn't fair and has no rhyme or reason. You just have to live with it. Do you believe in sex before marriage? I believe in sex once you feel truly in love with someone. Just be safe with it. Do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart? Two, off the top of my head. Have you ever known anyone who died at war? I don''t think so. Who was the last person to hug you? My niece of nephew, I'm sure. Who is your favorite female celebrity? ... Wowie, why are like, all the ones I'm seriously invested in males. I suppose maybe Eugenia Cooney? Her recovery and development is like so fucking beautiful and I am 99.99% there isn't a sweeter person in existence. Were you nervous on your first day of high school? A little bit, of course. Three words to describe your best friend: Loyal, honest, and supportive as all fuck. Are you literally afraid of anyone? Yes. Who did you last take a picture with? My dad, I think? Literally forever ago? Who was the last person to comfort you? Sara. Who was the last person to unsurprisingly disappoint you? Mom. If she says "yeah we'll do (whatever)," don't hold her to it, ever. If you answer a question wrong in class, does it embarrass you? YEAH. What’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? "Bad Romance" is the shit. I also really like the "Love Game" remix with Marilyn Manson in it. Would you date someone who smokes? No sir. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? Why or why not? That's an even bigger "no sir." Would you date the same sex? Why or why not? Well yeah, 'cuz I'm bisexual. What’s your biggest turn off? Physically, bad hygiene. Personality-wise, being full of yourself and overly-confident is such a turn-off. What’s your biggest turn on, physically? Do. Not. Touch. My. Boobs. Where would you go on a first date? Me personally, I think a safe bet is the movies. The first date is always so nerve-wracking, so a movie takes away some of the pressure to talk as much as you can. HOWEVER, I think it's very important to have bonding/getting to know each other time, so I think having a meal together is a nice addition. Most hurtful relationship? The ending of mine and Jason's. Ever regretted breaking up with someone? No. Have you ever dated someone more than once? No. Do you miss any of your exes? I mean, I miss Jason as a friend, though I know it's probably for the better we no longer associate with one another. What’s your biggest turn on, NOT physically? Romance. Act respectful, like you truly love and want me as a partner. Obviously see me as your equal. What is the sweetest thing someone you dated did for you? Probably Sara actually listening and not getting jealous or annoyed by me talking about my occasional bad PTSD days. Last time you got flowers? A random day Tyler came over when we were dating in early '17. Are you ready to get into a serious relationship right now? I'm in one now. Do you like cuddling? If I romantically like you, I am a total cuddlebug. Do you regret dating anyone? Why or why not? Idk. I wanna say Tyler, but I mean, it tested my ability to say "fuck no I'm not dealing with (whatever trait)." Most important lesson you have learned from dating? DO!!! NOT!!!!! EVER!!!!!! RELY!!!!! ON A PERSON!!!!!! TO BE!!!!!!!! YOUR SOLE SOURCE!!!!!!!!!!! OF HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!! What does it take to get you on a date? I mean, ask? Be clear that you're interested in me? Are you happier single or in a relationship? In a relationship. I just feel like there's some sort of validation I'm an interesting and/or fun person. Favorite ex? This is a... weird question. I mean, Girt is the only one I remain in contact with and adore as a friend, but I was VERY easily most in love with Jason. How important are looks? I really can't say I care much. I mean yes, it's harder to be sexually attracted to someone you don't find visually pleasing, but I've dated people I wasn't physically attracted to before, and looks didn't hold me back from dating them or being romantically attracted to them. How do you know when you are in love? Oh, you know. I can't really explain it, you just like... know. If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them? NO SIR-EE. Have you ever been ashamed of anyone you were dating? No. Favorite memories with an ex? I don't want to ponder this for my PTSD's sake. I have a novel of "favorite" memories with him. Would you name a child of yours after you? Ugh, no. I honestly hate that. Like... it seems so egotistical, and why would you WANT to?? Like... that's your name. I just don't get it, at all. Obsessions? Markiplier is ACTUALLY the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, & I love lots of other YouTubers (no others really to the point of obsession tho, I'd say.... well, maybe Game Grumps), m e e r k a t s, the Silent Hill series, uhhhhh maybe that's it as far as real obsession goes. Perhaps Shadow of the Colossus with how many times I've played and beaten the thing. Addictions? I'm perfectly aware and regretful of just how reliant I am on technology. I turn into a caveman without it. I'm proooobably addicted to soda, fuckin' rip. Do you speak another language? Not anymore. I want to take German again, though, to refresh my memory and further improve, but I only really plan to if I have serious plans to visit Germany. Do you have a webpage? I have a Wix for my photography that I spent eons on jc. Do you live in the moment? Honestly, I don't feel so, most of the time at least. I'm always worrying and thinking about the future. Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? I'm, for the most part, extremely tolerant, though I can't decide if it's a good or bad thing that I'm becoming less so with time. Like ex., now, I seriously don't think I could be your friend if you don't support gay rights. There's just some shit I see as so ridiculous that I don't want to associate with you and give you my tolerance of your bullshit, hateful opinion. Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? I'm 23 years old. What are your #1 priorities in life? My happiness, my health, Sara, my pets. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? Yeah. Certain types or urges in different situations, my religious anger and spite, my absolutely malice for my sister's horrid dog that for whatever fucking reason lives with us and not her... that kinda stuff. I think mostly just things relating to anger. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Hey anxiety, could you like?????????????? fuck off???????????????? Do you think you are emotionally strong? I will fucking NOT associate with your ass if you think I'm not after all the shit I've been through. Period. Not up for debate. What is your first name? *intro to B. Spears' "Gimme More" plays in the distance* Who was the first person you spoke to in person today? My mother. What was your first pet? The family cat Chance. If you mean like, actually mine, either Squeak the guinea pig or Shadow the Chinese water dragon. What was your first job? A GameStop sales clerk. How long was your first relationship? In my puppy-dog love middle school experience, maybe like, a couple of months? My first real one was three and half years. Who was the first person to break your heart? If you mean in any form, not just romantically, my dad when he abandoned us. Romantically, Jason. First person to give you flowers or candy on Valentine’s day? Other than my loved ones, Aaron, my 7th grade bf. First band you obsessed about? Truly obsessed with, Ozzy Osbourne. I loved Green Day as a kid, but it wasn't an obsession. First place you lived? Along the coastal plain/Piedmont border in North Carolina. First alcoholic beverage? Mike's Hard Lemonade. gud shit. First place someone took you on a date? I think Aaron and I went on a group date to the rollerskating rink first? That was a great day. Can you do a backflip? I'd break my neck, homie. Are you listening to anything right now? I'm binging Mother Mother. "Letter" is on right now. What do you do when you can’t fall asleep? Do exactly what you shouldn't do and get on the laptop, lmao. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? There's something I told Jason in my first letter to him after the breakup that I honestly... don't know if it was a lie or not. I was so goddamn hurt that I'd say almost anything. I don't want to talk about it, though. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same sex? She's my girlfriend of two years, I'd hope she woulda by now, lmao. Have you ever been engaged and broke it off? Nope. Have you ever found pictures on your camera you don’t remember taking? I don't think so. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? I don't believe so. WAIT. Tyler drew a picture of me and him, I think? At least she had my common outfit. Have you ever dated a redhead? No. Where is your favorite place to go when you want to be alone? I'm always in my room alone, so like- Do you have any nieces or nephews? Boy, a lot. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Is there anything you’re craving right now? I've honestly been a horny POS for forever now. What caused the last argument you had? My sister's mother-in-law being a homophobic piece of garbage. What was the last movie you watched? Good question. It's been a long time. Where were you the last time you kissed someone? The airport. Where was your last paycheck from? The day I worked at the dollar store for two hours and got $9 lmao. What was the last school you received a degree from? My high school. What did the last key you used go to? My house. Don’t tell me lies, so is the last person you texted attractive? She's gorgeous. Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? I have snake eyes now, which I got done twice, because the first time, it was pierced too far back, so the swelling of my tongue literally started to swallow/heal over the bar. :') But it was worth it; it was by far the most painful piercing (the second time actually made me nauseous), but it's my favorite. What’s the background on your phone? My lock screen is fanart of Darkiplier & the simple picture impregnated me; my home screen is Sara and me. Are you a parent? To pets. :') How are things between you and the person you are with? Great. Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? Idk, my mom, probably. If you have a birthmark, where and what color? Yeah, exterior of my right arm. It's a slightly darker brown that the rest of my skin. When was the last time you felt nauseous? A while back. List three things that make you feel nauseous. THE SOUND OF VOMITING, even preparing to attempt to pick up pet shit, and uhhhh, how am I blanking. I guess certain smells? Idk. Do your parents support your dreams? Yes. List three of your favorite types of YouTube videos to watch. Comedy ones between friends, let's plays, and Mark's character ones are a unique and Supreme brand of video. What is your favorite park? Idk, I haven't been to many. Do you get fireflies where you live? Yep. What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat (it's a zero). Do you wear the same shirt and shorts multiple times before washing? Only pj pants. If I actually go out in clothes, no, I change. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topiiiiiic. Has a medication ever given you nightmares? Yes. I can't remember which it was, though. And I suppose one I'm on now might be causing them? Would you rather be surrounded by maple trees, fir trees, or palm trees? MAPLE!!!!!!!!!! How many different states have you lived in? Only one. What’s your favorite thing to do on a hot day? Swiiiiiim. Do you know anyone who’s allergic to bees? I don't think so. What does your favorite bikini look like? Sweetheart, nobody wants to see me in a bikini. What is your favorite thing to do at the beach? Swim. Do you think you are attractive? Nope. Who have you hugged in the past month? Mom, probably, and I actually think that's it. Are you good at recovering from injuries? Uh, I mean, I guess? Do you have more piercings or tattoos? They're tied at six, actually. Last bad news you heard? Some guy recently tried to break into Nicole's friend's house while she was home alone, but she scared him off with a shotgun through the window. I'm still not fucking over it. Last good news you heard? I got a 94 on the final test for the book we read in Writing. What was the last thing you posted on a Instagram? I only ever post photography on both of mine, so some picture. Do you prefer to live alone or live in a family? I wouldn't know; I never lived alone. What states have you visited, that you remember? New York, Florida, Virginia, South Carolina, and I recall Ohio VERY faintly. Oh yeah, and Tennessee, but that's a vague memory as well. OH, HOW DID I FORGET ILLINOIS?????????? What countries have you visited? I've never left North America. What are five careers you’ve considered? In chronological order, some that I've considered are paleontologist, vet, movie designer, game designer, and photographer. What do you wish your hair looked like? I really wanna dye it silver rn. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I still care for him, yeah. I guess I'm in a way still protective of him, too, as I saw very clearly when a tornado landed in his general area this summer, and I felt like a total mama bear that desperately wanted to know if he was okay. I know in my gut I'd probably knock a bitch out if he was seriously hurt. I know, the absolute apex of irony. Who was the last person you called? Mom. Do you take pictures on your phone? Very rarely. My camera SUCKS. How old were you the first time you encountered God? Oh, brother. Have you ever hallucinated? In middle school when I was coming off of a medication, I saw moving shadows. Do you struggle to get by? I'm not the one who cares for myself financially; I still live "under" my mother, but oh yeah, we struggle alright. Who is the best looking male celebrity, in your opinion? ggggggggggggggggggIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLL looking at him forces me into ovulation lmao y'all done know who it is. Do you use Snapchat? No. Do you know anyone who’s colorblind? Jason's brother was colorblind to I believe red and green. I know it was two colors. What is your favorite time of day to run? Run???????????????? If I run, bitch you best be running too. What’s a show you remember the very first episode of? Meerkat Manor and That '70s Show are quite clear. I'm sure there are others, I just don't care to think too long about this. Do you hate sleeping in? If I need it, not really, but generally, I don't want to sleep past ~10:30. How late do you consider too late to sleep in? 12:00. What is something of yours that is falling apart? Ha ha ha, the very first thing that came to mind was our poor shed door. Hurricanes have legit torn most of the white paint off of it to where it hangs in strips. It looks so bad; I've told my mom so many times to just tear them off, but she thinks it would look worse that way. When was the last time you saw your crush? February. Sobs loudly. When was your due date, and when were you born? I was due January 20-something, but was born on February 5th, but only because my mom was induced. Do you want to have kids? NO. What website do you usually check first when you get online? KM, just to ensure it's not on fire.

[spilledreality]

"New Fiction is Psychic Occupation” is generally warm piece on this trend in contemporary autofiction (Knausgaard, Ferrante, Lin, Kraus, Ben Lerner, Maggie Nelson) of really letting the reader occupy a certain psychic filter. Mark de Silva "Past Resistance" notices a similar pattern but calls it "Facebook Fiction" belittlingly. Here's de Silva making the case against types like Knausgaard:

Here are a few platitudes about memory. It’s subjective. It’s plastic. It’s often self-servingly selective, when it’s not simply fiction. Naturally, memoir, by which I mean that recounting of a human life in which protagonist and author are one, can’t help but inherit these liabilities. They once would have counted as such, anyway. In many quarters—in humanities departments, for some time now, and more recently and troublingly, in American politics and popular culture—acknowledging the frailty of memory and narrative history, whether personal or collective, seems to have brought with it a kind of relief from the age-old demands for objectivity (or even intersubjectivity). In many spheres of life, and especially online, we are now asked to admit to the looseness of memory’s grip, and the tallness of every tale. It’s what authenticity and honesty require, we are told: a frank reckoning with human finitude. But the news isn’t all bad (or is it?). For we are also invited to celebrate a newfound power over our pasts, and our presents too, through a curious form of autonomy that would have come as a surprise to a philosopher like Immanuel Kant: freedom from the tyranny of fact. Subjectivity, partiality, the fragment and the shard have all become refuges from the fraught, anxiety-making project of assembling wholes.

As a novelist, I have watched closely and with some dismay as this phenomenon has manifested in literary circles. Lately, mainstream critics and readers appear besotted by a shrunken, self-pitying strain of autobiographical fiction, one you could call with some fairness Facebook fiction, to distinguish it from the far thornier versions of the past, like Jacques Roubaud’s The Great Fire Of London, the first book in a notoriously vexing six-volume cycle of memoirs. Novels by Geoff Dyer, Sheila Heti, Ben Lerner and Karl Ove Knausgaard, whose own memoir cycle, My Struggle, might be usefully compared to Roubaud’s, if only to measure the diminution in ambition, seem premised on the notion that if it is our fate to embroider and even fabricate our pasts, insulating our preferred identities from the sharp edges of actuality, we ought to openly acknowledge our fraudulence and fantasize with purpose, even panache. (The current White House has taken note.)

For my part, I’ve never found this particular conscription of the imagination, whether in literature, electoral politics, or daily life, especially appealing. Some liberties aren’t worth taking. Reading these authors, one feels that if they had more conviction, they would exercise their imaginations properly in the invention of characters, plots, and settings, without simply lifting them from their own lives; or else they would get down to the painstaking work of research and corroboration that’s involved in any plausible (authentic, if you like) history, including autobiography. Instead, they’ve settled on a middling path, both creatively (why struggle to invent from whole cloth, when you can just use your life, your memories to fill in your novel?) and intellectually (why sift and weigh the facts when you can just make up what suits the tale you you’d like to tell, the person you’d like to be, whenever reality doesn’t oblige?).

This fall, I’ve been examining problems for the autobiographical self in our research seminar here at the University of Tulsa. I’ve also been teaching a course in the philosophy of art at Oklahoma State University. The combination has been revelatory. My aesthetics course has me thinking that the deepest difficulty attending the autobiographical self is one that afflicts art too: sentimentality. Nostalgia, its most obvious form, is hardly the end of it. For the tint of the glasses needn’t be rose. The red of self-lacerating shame, say, or of righteous indignation, will do just as well. As will the gray of ironic ennui.

Do just as well for what, though? Evasion—frequently of the self- variety. This, I think, is what binds the various forms of sentimentality together: the desire to feel a certain way about oneself or the world perverts the desire to know. Fantasy comes first. Yes, memory is malleable and subject to all sorts of failings, no one can seriously deny this, and no one should want to. But why treat these banal faults as insuperable, a limiting horizon of our humanness? When it comes to memory and personal testimony, we nearly always have some form of corroborating evidence to aid us—written records, videotape, artifacts of various sorts, and of course other people’s memories—which we can check our memories against, if we genuinely interested in the truth.

Now, the significance of events may be impossible to settle definitively, no matter how much checking and rechecking we do. But this fault cannot be accounted a failure of memory or narrative; it’s simply a consequence of events almost always being able to bear multiple interpretations. That lends no credence to the more extreme claims we now hear, for instance, that all narrative or memoir is really fiction. This claim is of just the same order as that all news is really fake, even if the people making these two assertions tend to belong to different political parties.

So here’s my provisional conclusion: rather than any intrinsic limitation on the faculty of memory or the practice of storytelling, it is sentimentality—ginned-up outrage at political goings-on that barely touch our lives, say, or tender melancholia about what America used to be like—that stands in the way good autobiography, good politics, and good fiction. That sounds like something we can work on, though, if not exactly master. Nothing like fate.

By way of mediation:

੪: Adding Dyer and Heti to the pack is sharp. "Facebook Fiction" seems more like Megan Boyle's Live Blog than someone like Ben Lerner, who is maintaining a serious ironic distance from his actual lived experience. My reading of 10:04 is that it's as many parts science fiction, poetry, and criticism as it is memoir. But the line that really loses me is:

Reading these authors one feels that if they had more conviction, they would exercise their imaginations properly in the invention of characters, plots, and settings, without simply lifting from their own lives.

It's a deontological appeal to work ethic that falsely equates proper procedure (or traditional conception thereof) with successful results. It seems like a mistake to think of art this way, where technique and materials are given values in themselves outside of their efficacy in imposing themselves on (& providing value to) the reader. Anyway, it seems like he allows that fiction-as-subjective-lived-experience can be valuable as an art form if it's done without sentimentality, so maybe the real point of contention is over how much sentimentality is in the air and how/why/the extent to which sentimentality hinders.

The phenomenology of consciousness isn't captured in this approach to writing, I think I agree, and also that it's troubling so many have taken a literary enterprise at face value. I think it probably speaks to the neutering of critical discourse.

I guess what I'm saying is perhaps there's a way the takes aren't mutually exclusive? Something like, “memory and writing are highly lossy, flawed forms of preserving and disseminating subjectivity, and should be treated skeptically/critically as such — but they're also probably the best we've got, and constitute a central reason why literature is still healthy despite major technological change” (compare the visual arts world, which is in a total mess).

I was messaging with a friend today about how I felt like one of the main benefits of experimenting with drugs was getting a glimpse into an alternate brain state, the experienced possibility of another way of being. This might even be part of the mechanism that makes LSD and ketamine such successful antidepressants: a glimpse, via serotonin or mu-opioid distortions, of a world packed with meaning and significance, helping disrupt the depression's feedback loops.

I wanna quote Brian Evenson here again because he made the same case I would before I did: for me [such fiction] is successful to the degree to which it allows readers to undergo an experience outside their immediate realm of possibility, and to the degree to which that second-level experience in turn functions in relation to the first-level experience that we think of as living. That’s not the same thing as a meaning. Nor does it have much in common with information or figuring out a puzzle. Rather, it is a form of affect intensively conveyed by utterance. [��] Fiction is exceptionally good at providing models for consciousness, and at putting readers in a position to take upon themselves the structure of another consciousness for a short while. It is better at this than any other genre or media, and can do it in any number of modes (realistic or metafictional, reliably or unreliably, representationally or metafictionally, etc.).

[aprillikesthings]

1,5,7 for the fanfic writer asks please

1. How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

Depends on how you define it–I wrote a school assignment in second or third grade that was just a list of Barbie headcanons with illustrations, lol. 

I didn’t like writing any fiction at all for years and assumed I just didn’t have a brain for it–which in retrospect is ridiculous, considering I have a fantasy world in my head that’s existed in one form or another for as long as I can remember–I remember drawing maps of it in 9th grade. But it never had a plot, I just liked visualizing myself living in it, so I thought it didn’t count. 

I made a stab at a few paragraphs of fic here and there once I got into the Sherlock fandom in 2012 (ahah, yesterday was literally my anniversary of watching Sherlock) but nothing ever went anywhere. And there were so many ridiculously good fic writers in that fandom, and enough fic for anything you were in the mood for, that there just wasn’t any reason for me to start writing. (In retrospect, I think it’s telling that my tiny attempts at Sherlock fic were both femlock, aka gender-swapped Johnlock.)

I was on an overnight shift at work a couple of years ago, less than three months after starting to watch SU, when I got the idea to take a headcanon of mine that I loved (i.e. that Amethyst knows the words to Anaconda and likes singing them and dancing along specifically to fluster Peridot and annoy Pearl) and write out a scene around it and post it to my ao3 account before I lost my nerve. The fact that people liked it–I got my first comment that day! and it was sweet!–went right to my head. 

I used to wonder where fic writers got their ideas–shit, I have more ideas than I could possibly do justice, now. A lot of my own fic-writing is some variation on “I wish this fic already existed, I guess I gotta write it myself.” There’s just, still, not enough Amedot fic for my tastes in fic. 

5. If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Last Resort. Still. 

It’s possible my current fic might be my fave once I’ve got some distance from it, and don’t immediately associate it with how much work I put into it and how frustrated I got with it. But yeah, I just have a huge soft spot for the version I wrote of them in Last Resort, even though they’re both such jerks at first. I kinda love them like they’re real people and I think about them all the time–hell, I still listen to the spotify playlist I made for that fic on a regular basis, and even add songs to it now and then.

But that’s also an incredibly personal fic?? It was my first time experiencing first-hand how you could deal with shit from your past by forcing your fave fictional characters to go through bits of it. It’s still possible I’ll rewrite it as an original novel at some point; I have a doc with the start of a possible outline and which scenes I’d keep or change. The fic has major pacing issues and isn’t long enough, and honestly I’d make them both awful people for a little longer. I eased up on that so fast in the fic. And I know what everyone’s names would be switched to. 

7. When is your preferred time to write?

Middle of the god damned night, lol. I’ve written at nearly all times of day, but there’s something about the quiet of the world between midnight and five am that makes it a lot easier, whether I’m working a night shift, or I’m at home in bed. (Thankfully, even when I’m not doing overnights I’m usually on swing, so even going to sleep at five am isn’t the end of the world. Though it does suck to be exhausted at work and only able to tell a few people why!)

[clove-teasdale]

survival of the fittest

*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

A/N: not a challenge but has background, some detective clove and rp~ Sorry for any mistakes in writing or typos, I was done with revisions and probs missed some stuff lol. there are mulan and batman (and slight marvel) references. italics section in the end is past. word count around 3k. enjoy! ft. rp with @maya-edwards  & little wilson

[edit--some slight changes were made/added in the last section]

*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ✧

One earbud in, I tapped the pen against my notebook. 6 Twos in the last Selection. Gradually less than our current 10.

I’d found the list of old Selected in a magazine published over two decades ago. I doubted ripping off the page was allowed considering it was from the library, but it wasn’t an actual book so I sneaked it out anyway. The possibility of someone noticing was extremely low after all.

I kept the page folded and clipped in the back cover of my notebook in case I needed it later, but had already made my own version of the list on a fresh page. I wanted to work through it even with other people around, so I knew I had to make it visually confusing. For once my love for complicated plans came in handy. 

The list consisted of name abbreviations. Carmen Zoraya becoming C.Z and so on. Next, to each name, I added caste number and week of elimination. 

C.Z-3-W8.  R.D.J.-2-W12 B.M-5-W3

Getting the information had taken me hours of reading in the library, but I’d managed. I went through different magazines, hidden between some pillars and a bookshelf to avoid being spotted by other girls that frequented the area. Organizing the old issues by their dates had probably been the biggest challenge–sitting on the carpeted floor, my back to the bookshelf and dozens of magazines on my lap.

I focused mostly on reading eliminations to get the crucial information out, but I hoped to go back later in the week to read about the dramas that had ensued during those months. Maybe that would give some extra insight otherwise dismissed when looking only at the bigger picture.

I wasn’t sure why I was still working on this. A gut feeling? Many psychologists debated there was always information and data our right brain was taking in, no matter if our left brain was busy on something else. The body registers the information even when your mind stays unaware. If that were true, what had I noticed besides the already obvious? I couldn’t tell, but it didn’t matter. I had enough spare time to work on it.

Running through the names again, I added strikes under Threes. I was in the eighth strike when I caught a girl approaching from the corner of my eye. She was the embodiment of nervousness, eyes searching the room as she clutched a book to her chest. There was an empty spot next to me, but she hadn’t noticed it yet when Victoria walked behind her. The TV sensation hadn’t even batted an eye in her direction, but the girl with the short afro was startled nonetheless.

The book was soon in the air as she juggled it around in an attempt to catch it. She wasn’t as swift as a coursing river though and it fell to the ground pretty quickly. 

She sighed, shoulders slumping in disappointment. I stared in silence, making sure others hadn’t paid much attention to the event before stating, “I think you dropped something.”

She was startled once more, but this time by my voice, a groan leaving her lips as she realized the spectacle had had an audience. “You saw all that, didn’t you…”

“Does it make it any better if I say no?”

She reached for the book and once standing, nodded a little, a worried frown as she said, “A-actually yes…”

I raised an eyebrow at her fear, unsure of the reason behind it, but settled with an “Okay,” and went back to my notes. I knew the best thing was not to make any further comments.

“Can I, uh- Can I sit here?” She asked after a moment.

I stopped in the middle of adding another strike to the number of Threes and considered the question. Staring at my notes without context made no sense as expected, so I figured it wasn’t a problem. “The seat is open to the public, you may sit.”

Whether she understood my slightly joking tone or not was hard to tell, but she cleared her throat and sat down either way. “Thanks…”

I’d seen her around before. Maya was her name if I remembered correctly. Sometimes she seemed kind of lost. Not like she didn’t know what was happening, but more like she wasn’t sure why she was there or what her plan was. A combination of shy and awkward was very likely.

Easy targets tend to know what they are. Wilson’s face crossed my mind at the thought. I took the single earbud I was wearing off, then went back to counting Threes. “No need to thank me. You didn’t need my permission to sit there.”

“Uh, well…Maybe you didn’t want company or- maybe it was taken?”

“Whether I want company or not should not scare you away from taking a seat that is there to be used by you.”

She frowned, considering my words. “I suppose not?” A moment of silence. “Sorry?”

I paused my count. So one of those people. Looking up, I raised an eyebrow at her. “Why sorry?”

Her own logic caught up with mine as she stuttered, “Uh-well- I don’t know…” 

Trying to run away from embarrassment, she quickly opened her book and pretended to read. Too bad she wasn’t good at pretending. 

I smirked down at my notes and said, “I see you have the ability of reading upside down.”

Her blush was unmistakable as she closed her eyes, realizing she was holding the book incorrectly. She tried to fix it, turning it over quickly. “No-Yes, yes, very entertaining, I can tell you.” She cleared her throat at the end and my smirk didn’t leave.

“Mhmm, I bet so. What did you think about the love interest killing his sister?”

“It really uh, turned the story ‘upside down’…”

I snorted at the pun. “Of course… you do realize that doesn’t happen though?” Taking the book from her and reading the page at the bottom I pointed out, “Page 56. The love interest isn’t introduced yet.” Also, there was no sister. Closing the book, I handed it back with a smug smile. Her smile in return was awkward.

“Well, it was worth a try? Sor– I mean, eh the book is nice then? Haven’t read it yet.”

“I figured as much, but yes, it’s a decent one. What made you pick it up?”

“I dropped it? So… Then I picked it up again?” She frowned and a head tilt followed. I frowned too, not getting what she was talking about at first, but then laughing at the mistake.

Once she realized what I meant she was quick to explain she hoped to get some knowledge on palace rules and etiquette considering the setting of the book. In theory, it sounded like something good, but it wasn’t going to be enough and she actually had access to books about the subject in the library. I suggested those for later. She pointed out they were boring in a small voice and I couldn’t disagree. I did tell her a novel wouldn’t help much, however.

“I know, I know…” She pouted, but soon curiosity took over her features. “What are you doing though?”

I stared at my barely understandable handwriting. I had the potential to make it neat if I bothered to try, but half the time I didn’t and especially not now. “A… personal project I guess.” I shrugged it off as I closed the notebook. “Nothing too important.”

“O-of course! I didn’t mean to uh–…” She vaguely gestured with her hands in the air when I waited for her to continue. “You know, to be rude.”

“It’s alright, not that big a deal, just something I don’t think I’d be able to explain.“ A partial lie. I didn’t want to start havoc just because I’d run a couple of numbers that could technically still be coincidental. Thankfully, I usually pulled off keeping things to myself pretty well. “You’re Maya, right?”

“Yes! And you’re Clove.” She smiled, taking another second to remember to offer a hand for me to shake. 

I nodded at the name and accepted the handshake. It wasn’t a soft grip, but slightly wary. She could use a little confidence. “You know, you shouldn’t be so frightened by them. They won’t bite you.”

I hadn’t mentioned Victoria’s name, but she got what I meant, biting her lip and trying to joke to dismiss my comment. I wasn’t too impressed. “I mean it.” I opened my notebook, this time on a random page, and started doodling a spiral pattern out of habit. “They seem like they’ll hurt you but if anyone was that mean sabotage would already be happening.  Worse case scenario maybe one of them is that petty, but you’d have to piss them off for real to worry about it.”

Maya nodded. “It sounds logical… Thanks anyway.”

That smile was more convincing than the previously given, even if she changed the subject after it. 

It took a few seconds for Wilson to stop laughing. “Oh wait, you’re serious?”

Even if he couldn’t see it through the call, I rolled my eyes at him. “You talk as if I can’t make friends.”

“Well, I mean… you can, but you hate them most of the time.”

That got a snort from me. “I don’t hate them. I just don’t trust their intentions.”

“Same difference. Clove Teasdale doesn’t make friends.”

That was a partial truth. I had various friend groups during high school and middle school, but none of them stuck with me. I was that person people wanted to be friends with, but not for any good reasons. It was because we fitted or because it was expected. Other times it was just convenient. Sometimes I wondered if maybe it was me though. Maybe I didn’t know how to be a good friend. That or I had really bad luck.

People at Mt. Rainer High School always seemed to strike some drama no matter what the clique. More often than not, about something I couldn’t understand, but whenever I gave suggestions to make things less complicated I was ignored, an annoyance, or horrible for not supporting a side.

When groups fractured I took a step back. Better alone than in a mess. Wilson had never understood why I’d give it all up and move on so fast, but I didn’t blame him. He knew that it was a smart choice to avoid drama, yet wished he could have that choice himself. He didn’t. He wasn’t really liked around school and therefore had only one friend...Which wasn't that different from me except I could pretend more.

Students liked to say it was because he was kind of a nerd. He knew as much as I did that it was because of his previous Caste though, even if no one would admit so. It was kinda dumb. As dumb as the caste system itself–trying to set a number with the life you’ll get–forcing a talented artist to become a teacher and a physics genius to be Picasso.

Not everyone could pull off a Da Vinci and be good at whatever they were put in. Many people failed because of that. Others were like Wilson’s mother, giving up the life she was born in for a life as a Three with whom she fell in love with. That left Wilson as nothing but a Two by chance. Terrible, dreadful chance that he never even asked for and would probably give up to get his parents back.

I leaned against my chair and got back to our conversation. “Statistically speaking, most people that stay friends are from college so…”

He pretended to be offended. “Ouch.”

”You’re decent enough. But as I was saying, I’ll try to befriend some of the girls. This isn’t school.”

“Hmm, you’re right. Everyone here sucks.”

“Even Graciela?” I teased, remembering the name I’d gotten out of him a few days ago. He scoffed back at me.

“No, she hasn’t been corrupted yet.”

“Now you just have to actually talk to her.”

He laughed for the second time. I was silent. “Oh, you’re serious again.”

I shook my head. “You’re a lost cause, kid.”

It was the middle of freshman year when we met for the first time.

I was placing books in my backpack, my head making a list of the homework for the next day when Cooper pushed him into a set of lockers feet away. I turned my head in the direction of who would one day be the future varsity quarterback as he took care of the new wimpy kid. 

Cooper wasn’t really original, trying as hard as possible to go for the popular-jock-bully stereotype as soon as the school year started. Intimidating middle schoolers and stealing lunch money he didn’t even need. It was hard to ignore sometimes, but I did.

Pressing my lips together, I watched as he stepped away to laugh at the boy, inciting his two friends to join him on whatever joke he’d made. Obviously, they did. Cooper’s father was a high ranking officer in the military. He had everything he needed to be on a high pedestal in school one day, which was annoying. 

I was on the list of few who ever stood up to him since we’d once been friends. That is before he filled his head with air. The brief moment I got to look at his new prey was enough to recognize the black haired kid holding tightly onto the strap of his backpack with a clenched jaw. 

His eyes darted from Cooper to the floor around him, head hidden between his shoulders. I’d seen that face in a million pictures around Mrs. Grayson’s house after my chess classes with her. It was her grandson, the one she always referred to as little robin. Apparently, the kid ran around saying “holy cows, Batman” more than he should when he was seven.

She told my parents he would move in with her soon, being the legal guardian his parents’ had asked for. “Car accident,” she’d mentioned. I had already spotted him in our algebra class a few times that week. He seemed advanced enough to take it before high school which only made him a bigger target.

Cooper nudged him, “Come on, that was hilarious.” Little Robin didn’t seem to have the same spirit Mrs. Grayson always talked about now and only gulped, averting his gaze. Cooper didn’t leave him though. “Cat got your tongue or something? I’ve never heard you say anything in class.” He towered over him, making him press his back even closer to the lockers.

I narrowed my eyes at them and walked over. I hadn’t precisely told Mrs. Grayson I would keep an eye out for him, but I felt like I needed to on her behalf. Sometimes she’d served as a babysitter of sorts when my parents traveled together. She was good to me. 

I elbowed Cooper’s friends out of the way and they gave angry glares until they recognized me. They decided to step away instead so I stood behind Cooper and tapped his shoulder.

“What-” he paused mid-sentence as he turned around, eyes locking on me, annoyed for the split second he realized I wasn’t one of his friends. Jaw clenched, he stood up straighter and then mumbled my name between a gritted-teeth smile. “Anything I can help you with?”

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, flatly.

He offered a charming smile. “Oh, just asking the genius for some tutoring classes. You know how bad I’m at Algebra. I thought I might as well ask him to teach me some stuff. Right George?” He elbowed the kid for a sign of confirmation.

I was pretty sure his name wasn’t George, yet Little Robin didn’t correct him either as he spared me a glance himself. There was a pause long enough to tell Cooper was lying. And though I knew that much already, in the end, the boy thought it was wiser to agree halfheartedly to the lie. Survival of the fittest. He wouldn’t disagree after Cooper established himself as an authority so firmly.

I remained silent, thinking of how to turn the situation around. The kid was new, he didn’t know what to do. It was like a game of poker. Bluff even if you don’t have the upper hand.

“He can’t tutor you,” I stated, earning a confused frown from both.

“And why is that?” Cooper crossed his arms, puffing out his chest. Good thing this wasn’t a matter of physical strength, and if it were, a strategy could give leverage either way.

“Because I asked him to tutor me already.” My turn to lie.

The boy blinked, trying to read between the lines of our conversation while Cooper narrowed his eyes at me. “I didn’t think you needed help with math, Clove.”

“Well, I do, and he promised to help me out.” I looked at the boy. “Right kid?”

Again he only blinked. 

Your turn to join the game Robin, don’t disappoint. It took him another second, but his eyes lit up with understanding and he stood up straighter. “Yeah, I um…I did.” 

Cooper glared at him and the kid broke eye contact, however, didn’t slump against the lockers anymore. Then the glowering was at me. 

I only raised my eyebrows in response, inciting a move from Cooper. His lip twitched, jaw set as I stared up at him. He knew better than to make a scene. I’d tied his hands. He couldn’t force Wilson to tutor him if I claimed he’d agreed to tutor me first. Bringing in a teacher to ‘settle the situation’ was possible if I wanted too. There was no way for him to win.

Knowing how to pick his battles, he turned around to leave but I stopped him. “Wait.”

“What?” he groaned.

I crossed my arms. “Did you take any money from him?”

His eyes flashed as he swiveled around. I waited. He let out a breath through his nose before placing a grin on his face to hide unwillingness. If there was something Cooper hated was letting others know someone had been able to push his buttons.

He turned to the boy, taking a few bills out of his pocket, and forced his voice to sound friendly. “Hey, thanks for lending me the money kid, but turns out I might not need it anymore.” 

The boy stared at the money like it was on fire, but accepted its returns when he noticed my head gesture and the jock’s angry gaze. 

“Happy now,” Cooper muttered afterward. I shrugged and he stormed off as soon as he could, followed by the other two jerks. Once they were gone I looked back at him.

“You okay?”

His head snapped back in my direction. “What just..”

I didn’t let him finish the question and simply announced, “He lost the game.” 

His mouth opened to reply. Nothing came out and I glanced at my watch. If I didn’t get moving I’d have no chance to eat. “Stay out of his way and you’ll be fine.”

“Um… y-yeah, alright. Thanks.”

I nodded. “Clove Teasdale.”

“Geordi Wilson.”

George would have been better… I sized him up. His uniform was in pristine form: shirt tucked in, vest ironed to perfection, hair combed neatly and shoes as shiny as they could be. Not bad by any means, but definitely like he was trying too hard. He would need some help to survive around here.

I turned around to leave. “Stick with Wilson, kid.”

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 30

Spoilers, obv.

And another quieter issue, where we primarily delineate the other other half of the issues of 28's reveals, while putting those final few dominoes in position. It's also, art wise, a relatively undemanding one.  The rest of this arc is brutally hard, so an issue where the team could take a breath is also worthwhile. A comic series like WicDiv is a marathon made of marathons. You make it all uphill at your own peril.

It's also one of the more classically structured issues for a while. The issue's effective lead is Dio, and his 3-encounters-in-the-underworld structure the backbone which everything else is built around.

I suspect notes on this one will be short, by the way, but whenever I say that, I'm always wrong.

Jamie/Matt's cover:

That this isn't the best cover in the arc only speaks to exactly how great issue 32 is. Some startling design elements here.

Meredith's Cover:

She's always been great, but seeing her cover for East Of West was the thing which prompted us to go and try and talk her into one. It was a pleasure to work with her – all her design ideas were smart and interesting. We ended up here, because frankly, who can resist hot pink? Not us.

Jonathan Hickman's Cover

Talking about East of West. I've always been envious of Jonathan's designer string to his creative bow, so when we were asked if we wanted to be part of the month of his variants, we jumped at it, if only to see how he'd reinterpret our mythology. This is very much the cult-sci-fi novel alt dimension take on WicDiv.

Page 1-3

I'm always interested in the history of the second page reveal. Old school comic writer guides normally suggest opening with the big image, to throw people in the world. That – and, I feel, especially in the 00s – got changed into the delayed reveal. Enter the world in a quieter way, and then do the big reveal. That means you can create some context quickly, and use that big impact for something a little more complicated.

(It also means if you go to a 2-3 page splash, you can make the image bigger. If I remember correctly, almost all the New 52 books hand that rhythm, which I have to presume was an editorial guideline. I may be misremembering though.)

It's worth noting I say “a little more complicated.” I don't say “sophisticated” or even talk about effectiveness – complicated says nothing about a piece of work's quality. I just mean there's more moving parts involved before the reveal. Look at someone like BKV and his love of the opening splash to see how effective the HELLO, HERE I AM, LOOK AT THIS THING! Can be.

In our case, we have this little conversation between Woden and Cass, and then show what we've done to Valhalla. We've been talking about the plans for this gig for a long time, so we really needed to show what that means. Clearly, the gig is going to be key to the back half of Imperial Phase II, so we really let people have a good stare.

The best thing Jamie did here was make sure there's a stage built into Valhalla, as he correctly guessed they'd be one required for next issue. SMART MAN, THAT MCKELVIE.

This is the sort of page which is primarily expositionary, but by having the characters get together and basically scheme it out hopefully carries it. As you can imagine, there's going to be a statement of exact goals next issue in a similar mode.

(Why not say them here? Efficiency. Don't need to know it yet, and we'd have to repeat it next issue anyway. Why burn the page count twice?)

Cass speaks my own frustration at how people use facebook, I suspect.

The idealist/realist exchange on the first page is a good example of what happens when you have the broad strokes of what's going on, and then let the characters respond to each other. Woden has the Valkyries back? How does he act now? How does Cass respond? Where does that take us?

Page 4

I wrote this  with no interstitials, and decided to add them later, when we saw how the issue was working. I looked at the page turns, and decided pushing everything forward one page would be most effective. Plus that the black of the interstitials does lead us into the underworld.

Page 5-6

And we show Dio where we left him last time. There was even the option to use the same panel if Jamie wanted to cut a corner. He didn't.

The page sets up the rhythm that runs through the issue, which happens three times. This is pure fairy-tale, folklore myth structure. It's also joke structure, in the rule of three way. First statement shows a situation. Second statement shows it is a pattern. Third statement subverts the pattern. It's just a very efficient way of doing basically everything... and that natural rhythm being used everywhere means that it always feels part of some longer, primordial sort of storytelling. I think the six panel is leaning into that – I only want five beats. Establish/show Dio's current state/arrival of Morrigan/Dio's response to Morrigan/Morrigan's final statement. Throw away everything which isn't needed for the folk tale.

(The final “Yeah, you won't” leans into the folklore. Dio signals that this is not just stubbornness, but a plan.)

Have I mentioned the Underworld being the inverse of Young Avenger's mother dimension? I probably have. It serves a similar purpose in terms of a direct thing which allows us to strong arm an atmosphere while also being relatively “cheap” to do in terms of Matt and Jamie's resources. I've done 32 of these. I'm sure I'm repeating myself all over the place. These really off the cuff.

Despite knowing everything I knew about the Morrigan at the start, I found it hard to articulate the key difference between her and Dio succinctly. Eventually, it hit me. Dio wants what's best for people. Morrigan thinks she knows what's best for people. Morrigan will sacrifice a lot, as long as they obey her entirely. When I had that in my head, Morrigan became easier. Easier, anyway. She's never easy.

7-8

Another two page scene – the issue very much runs off those short scenes. The hard cut rhythm is a key part of Imperial Phase II, I think.

I wrote the bottom of Page 7 with three panels, in a “Write minimum numbers of panel.” Jamie adds one to really sell it. He actually does a similar thing next issue as well, which proves he must like eight panel grids more than he claims.

The trick of this scene is signalling to the reader that Woden has done fuck all to any of the equipment. A reader would remember that Woden has a camera on Amaterasu from way back in issue 14, but this confirms it's more general than that.

(There's clues elsewhere – his timing when he turned up in issue 12 was more than a little suspicious, right?)

Of course, lying and sarcasm is one of the hardest things to pull off in comics. Comics, for some reason, lends into credulity in the reader. I'm not sure why, though have my theories. In which case, we really push it – look at all the “Er” and the bolded ADDED in the first panel of page 7.

Oh god. Page 8 had me really fuck up in lettering. I originally wrote Cass being snarky here, and glaring at Beth... having failed to remember Cass wasn't in this scene. Beth basically just teleports Cass to where she is. My brain, it no good.

Page 9-10

I basically said everything in the first iteration, right

Hmm. Badb is oddly unsweary here.

Jamie's working the shadows fascinatingly here – the last panel of Dio is also one of the best.

Page 11-12

This is the one sacrifice to the earlier interstitial – that the instagram pages don't appear on a spread. The loss is solely a visual effect.

These are the “two pages I comic but half a page of work for Jamie”. Clearly, Persephone is absent this issue, and we needed to keep her absence a presence, if you see what I mean. Plus the instagram is a way to do the montage-of-time and events. Its placement here is a lot to do with selling how long that Dio has been down this hole.

I actually wrote considerably more comments for each instagram, but there wasn't room to include them in the framing. It's okay. Don't read the comments.

When wrote Amaterasu's Instagram text and then put my fist in my own mouth out of embarrassment. My next career move may be bullshit internet motivational sentences.

Page 13-14

Third iteration.

As I've said, WicDiv is that conflict between this over-planned structural thing and also the discovery you undergo as a writer when exploring these people. Throughout, I couldn't quite work out why I never had a place for Gentle Annie in the story. I actually like writing her – it has the added bonus of her voice really annoying Chrissy, and I'm very pro annoying my editor. But no – Annie's just not around much.

Clearly, thinking about that leads to this scene, where it's the part of Marian that isn't really getting much play any more. It's probably my favourite Annie scene, which is lucky, I guess, considering where the issue goes. The mixture of twee and utterly scary motherfucker was always the line I wanted to walk with her.

Page 15-16

As much as this scene flirts with total disaster, in this ominous fucker of an issue, it's a relative moment of light. Also a chance for Matt to really push the palette. I will never get bored of his Baal lightning.

The Sakhmet cosplay is delightful.

The reds of Amaterasu's lightbeam form, and the blue of Minerva's chair is another great choice.

There was an editorial discussion over whether Amaterasu appearing in the final panel was too much or exactly the amount of too much. We clearly went that way. This is a playful scene.

Page 17-19

Yeah, this isn't. I'm kind of amazed this is only 3 pages. This issue is tightly wound – there's no scene longer than 3 pages, and the majority is 2 pages – but this feels especially so. It's telling that it's here we move to the eight-panel, that most Phonogram of structures.

(A modified eight panel)

I originally had a different idea for the flashback, bringing Leila back to essentially insert scenes into issue 16, but the space wasn't really there, and felt like formalism would be distracting around here. This is complicated stuff, so let's keep it clean. Notice how Jamie changes the panel shapes to separate the sub-narrative from the main narrative – obviously the blue-greys of Matt do most of the work, but it can't be underestimated.

Let's call out some panels – Baph in the seventh panel of 17, hiding behind the shades and the wise-crack. The fifth panel of 18, which in its blissed certainty, the possible single scariest panel of Morrigan in WicDiv. Oh – and Dio's heartbreaking on the third panel of page 19.

Anyway – boys, sitting in the dark, and trying to talk.

Page 20-23

The second interstitial I added, and a little annoying. I thought I had to add 2 to maintain the final page, and in fact I only needed to add one. As in, my first draft didn't end on a left, and I needed to correct that. I suspect I'll drop this interstitial for the trade, and regain the page turn.

In the end, the reveal that Sakhmet is waiting for a chance to strike at Morrigan isn't a huge reveal – it's a telling one, but not one which breaks the scene in a huge way. And of course, people on digital have all movement between pages be page turns.

I didn't actually have any dialogue in the second panel on 21 at script, which is very much me in a “I have no idea why I would do that – that panel clearly needs a sign that Persephone is rushing to the door or something similar.”

“Beware the Honest – they will hurt you just to feel clean” is one of those lines that has been lying around in my notebook since the start of WicDiv waiting for their scene.

The warm browns of the room and Morrigan's cold blues seem really interesting to me here. Strong choices, Matt.

The final page was also an awkward one – I knew the images, but the actual exact nature of the dialogue refused to be wrestled down precisely until the last lettering pass, where it coalesced.

We do kissing, and it's depressing kissing. WicDiv takes the fun out of everything.

Anyway – next issue is at the printers now and will be with you soon.

Thanks for reading.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior Jan. 24, 2020 – THE GENTLEMEN, THE TURNING, THE LAST FULL MEASURE

If you read last week’s column, you’ll already know that I’m no longer with The Beat, so I’ll more than likely be doing all of my box office stuff here for a while. I just won’t promise to write so much about each movie as I did in my Box Office Preview, because a.) I don’t have time, and b.) I’m not getting paid to write this. Sorry if that’s a bit too blatantly honest, but getting paid for my writing matters to me, especially having done it for 25 years.

Before I forget, tonight, Wednesday, January 22, I’m hosting a 30thanniversary screening of Brain Dead, the freaky thriller starring Bills Pullman and Paxton, Bud Cort and George Kennedy. If you’re looking to check out crazy mind-fuck of a movie from 1990, there are still a few tickets left.

Anyway, it’s probably a good thing I didn’t get paid for last week’s column cause I way, way, WAY underestimated the power of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence to bring in audiences after 17 years since Bad Boys II. I thought the movie would make somewhere between $35 and 40 million over the four-day weekend, but it ended up making almost $60 million just over the three-day weekend, and $73 million for the four day, the second best after American Sniper. Obviously, Sony is already developing a fourth movie in the series and presumably they won’t wait another 18 years. Personally, I really liked Bad Boys for Life, as it was way better than Bad Boys II and it was a generally enjoyable and entertaining action-comedy.

Universal’s Dolittlealso did more than I predicted, but it wasn’t as vastly different, just closer to my original prediction last Wednesday before I thought I might be overestimating and lowered it. Waugh, Waugh…

Let’s get to this week…

The movie I’m most excited about this week is THE GENTLEMEN (STXfilms), which is Guy Ritchie’s return to ensemble crime comedy after his foray into large-scale Disney adaptations like Aladdin, which I quite liked, and his “Sherlock Holmes” movies, the first of which I also loved.  Ritchie has a great cast for this one including Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, Colin Farrell, Hugh Grant, Henry Golding (from Crazy Rich Asians and the underrated 2019 film Last Christmas), Michelle Dockery (from Downton Abbey) and one of my favorite character actors, Eddie Marsan! Honestly, I don’t know very much else about the movie (as I’m only seeing it on Monday night) but I loved what I saw at CinemaCon last year, and I’ve just been such a huge Ritchie fan going all the way back to Lock, Stock and Two Smokin’ Barrels. (Sadly, I wasn’t able to interview him for this movie due to my other part-time job, but you’ll get an actual review instead!)  Also, I think the movie will do decently but probably not more than $10 million since STX is dropping it into around 2,000 theaters, which isn’t particularly wide.

Mini-Review: Back in the late ‘90s, when Guy Ritchie first made his big debut with Lock, Stock, he was coming on the tail end of a new breed of directors like Tarantino and Smith who proved that screenplay-driven ensemble movies could deliver big audiences. In the time since then, Tarantino has gotten bigger and bigger for that feat, while Ritchie has tried a lot of different things, including last year’s Aladdin.

It’s pretty exciting to see Ritchie returning to the world of crime and to jolly old England with the addition of a few Americans like Matthew McConaughey as mega-wealthy drugdealer Mickey Pearson, who has turned his upper-class connections quite literally into a farm industry. Mickey is ready to sell the business, hoping to get $400 million from Jeremy Strong’s interested investor.

The story is told through a framing sequence involving a strange character named Fletcher, played by Hugh Grant, having an extended conversation with Charlie Hunnam’s Ray, Mickey’s “fixer,” of sorts. It’s another fantastic performance by Grant that really allows him to push the envelope with a heavy cockney accent. Another great performance comes from Colin Farrell as the coach of a group of young and bratty MMA fighers who break into one of Mickey’s farms.

Using this storytelling method, Ritchie doesn’t give his entire hand away at once, instead revealing just what’s necessary to keep the viewer tuned in. The film features another witty script and it’s thoroughly entertaining, although it’s also somewhat confounding at times trying to keep track of all the characters and how they relate.

In that sense, The Gentlemen is slightly flawed, but it’s also a welcome return for Ritchie to do what he does best, and there’s no denying that there’s quite a bit to enjoy here. Rating: 7/10

The third horror movie of January (with another one next week!) is THE TURNING (Universal), a horror take on Henry James’ novel “The Turn of the Screw,” starring Mackenzie Davis (Terminator: Dark Fate), Finn Wolfhard (It) and the adorable Brooklynn Prince from The Florida Project. The basic premise involves a nanny played by Davis, who is brought to an enormous mansion to care for two kids. Once there, she is told by the kids that there are dark forces in the house, and she starts to believe them.  I had a chance to speak to the film’s director, Floria Sigismondi, an amazing visual artist whose only previous feature film was The Runaways, starring Kristen Stewart.  The movie is also written by the Hayes Brothers, who wrote the original The Conjuring, and produced by Roy Lee (The Conjuring and It), so there’s quite a decent pedigree for this movie. I also conducted a great interview with Ms. Sigismondi that you can check out on Next Best Picture.

As the third horror movie this month, I’m not sure this can deliver where the previous two (The Grudge and Underwater) failed, especially without much star power, but because it’s January, and there’s very little else to do, it can probably make $8 to 10 million in its 2,500 theaters.

Opening in moderate release this weekend  (theater count TBD) is filmmaker Todd Robinson’s THE LAST FULL MEASURE (Roadside Attractions), a military drama that the director has been trying to make for a decade. He’s pulled together an amazing cast that includes Christopher Plummer, Samuel L. Jackson, Ed Harris, Diane Ladd, Sebastian Stan, Bradley Whitford, Peter Fonda, William Hurt, Jeremy Irvine and Michael Imperioli. I still remember Robinson mentioning this project when I spoke to him for his excellent movie Lonely Heartswhen we spoke for ComingSoon.netway back in 2007, having seen that movie at the Tribeca Film Festival.

It involves a group of Vietnam vets trying to get a brave soldier, Airman William H. Pitsenberger Jr. (played by Irvine), the Medal of Honor for his actions on the battlefield to save them 34 years after his death. It sounds like a terrific premise, so it’s a movie I’ve been waiting to see for a very long time.  I’m not sure exactly how many theaters Roadside Attractions will release the movie into, but I doubt it will be enough to get it into the top 10, as I think it will end up making $2 to 3 million at best. (This probably would have been a good movie to release over Veterans’ Day, but I guess it was afraid of Roland Emmerich’s Midway, which did end up winning that weekend.)

Mini-Review: It’s pretty obvious what a passion project this must have been for filmmaker Todd Robinson from the time it’s taken for him to get this movie made, but once watch how this story plays out, it’s much more obvious why he was so driven. Even fifty years after the events depicted in the film’s Vietnam War flashback

It’s 1999, and Sebastian Stan plays Scott Huffman, an Air Force attorney working at the Pentagon who is assigned the duty of investigating the heroics of Airman William H. Pitsenberger Jr., who dropped into one of the bloodiest battles of the Vietnam War to save a number of soldiers. William Hurt plays Tulley, the soldier that comes to Huffman, although the lawyer tries to put him off due to the upcoming regime change. Against his will, Scott has to pursue this endeavor, so he goes to interview a number of the living men who were there on that fateful day.

What’s amazing about Robinson’s film is that while it focuses mainly on Stan’s character, the various actors he meets on his journey deliver some absolutely amazing performances, from Christopher Plummer (as the dead airman’s dying father), Samuel L. Jackson, Ed Harris and the late Peter Fonda.

At its worst, The Last Full Measure veers into TV movie melodrama, so it takes some of the stronger actors to drag it back. The worst example of this are the scenes between Stan and his ersatz family, which seems the most like needless scenes added to create some sort of artistic license. It probably will be little surprise that many of the names and circumstances have been changed for similar reason.

It’s a shame that Roadside Attractions doesn’t have enough faith in this movie to give this a bigger push, instead dumping it into a January weekend with little fanfare. Sure, this is certainly the type of movie that cynical film critics like tearing apart, trying to find faults over the good…. And there’s a lot of good to be had. There’s no denying that this is an important story that needs to be told, and hopefully, the audiences that might appreciate it will be able to find it. Rating: 7.5/10

What should be interesting to see if the horror film The Turning does well enough to surpass Dolittle for third place or falls just short. Either way, Universal will have three movies in the top 5, which is quite remarkable considering what a horrid December the studio had.

This week’s Top 10 should look something like this…

1. Bad Boys for Life (Sony) - $29.5 million -53%

2. 1917 (Universal) - $13 million -41% (up 1 million)*

3. Dolittle (Universal) - $10.1 million -54%

4. The Turning (Universal) - $9.3 million N/A (up .2 million)*

5. The Gentlemen (STXfilms) - $8.6 million N/A (up .1 million)*

6. Jumanji: The Next Level  (Sony) - $5 million -48%

7. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Lucasfilm/Disney) - $4 million -52%

8. Little Women (Sony)  - $3.5 million -45%

9. Just Mercy (Warner Bros.) - $3.1 million -47%

10. Knives Out  (Lionsgate) - $2.6 million -40%

- The Last Full Measure (Roadside Attractions) - $2 million N/A (down .5 million)*

* UPDATE: Not a ton of changes but mainly a little bit of tweaking due to revised theater counts

LIMITED RELEASES

Not a ton of limited releases of note that I’ve seen, although I did see Richard Stanley’s sci-fi thriller COLOR OUT OF SPACE (RLJE Films), starring the one and only Nicolas Cage, and I even spoke to Stanley, an interview you’ll be able to read on Next Best Picturehopefully later this week. It’s based on HP Lovecraft’s short story, and in the movie, Cage plays an Alpaca farmer whose family is affected by a meteorite that falls on the property, causing all sorts of bizarre changes both mentally and physically. It’s another movie where Cage can go a little nuts, but I also liked the performances by Madeleine Arthur and Joely Richardson, who ALSO appears in The Turning this weekend. There are also some smaller roles from Q’orianka Kilcher (from Malick’s The New World) and the great comic, Tommy Chong.  There will be a special screening tonight in select cities with a satellite QnA with Stanley and Cage, and then it opens for real Friday. Being RLJE, it should be On Demand shortly afterwards.

Oddly, I haven’t seen any of the movies in the franchise that brings us DETECTIVE CHINATOWN 3  (Wanda Pictures/WB International), but the previous installments of director Sicheng Chen’s police action-comedy must have done well enough for people to want to see more of detectives Tang Ren (Baoquiang Wang) and Qin Feng (Haoran Liu) to get a third movie. The first movie made $120.6 million worldwide while the sequel made $544 million, so yeah, a third movie was inevitable. The sequel made less than $2 million domestically but one can expect that Chinese audiences in America will help the third movie do similarly. For comparison, the latest installment of the Ip Man franchise, starring Donny Yen, has grossed $3.5 million in North America. This will open in about 150 theaters.

Sadly, I also didn’t get a chance to see Dante Lam’s The Rescue (CMC Pictures), the Chinese filmmaker’s follow-up to his global blockbuster Operation Red Sea, before writing this column, but this is clearly one of the major Chinese tentpoles being released for the Lunar New Year movie season. It stars Eddie Peng from Operation Mekong as the captain of an elite rescue team, and it’s shot by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Oscar-winning cinematographer Peter Pau.  I’m hoping to see it this coming Friday.

Terry Crews stars as John Henry (Saban/Paramount) in Will Forbes, in this case Henry being an ex-gang member who puts aside his life of violence to take care of his aging father (played by Ken Foree from Dawn of the Dead )in South L.A. where he meets two immigrant kids on the run from his former gang leader (Ludacris), putting him in a tough spot. It will open in select cities and On Demand this Friday.

Bertrand Bonello, who made the excellent Nocturama a few weeks back, returns with his eighth feature Zombi Child (Film Movement), which is a very different take on the genre.  It draws from the true story of Clairvius Narcisse, who was reportedly zombified in 1962 Haiti, this one centering around Narcisse’s (fictional) orphaned granddaughter who is trying to fit in with the mostly white girls at her boarding school. It will open in New York at the Quad Cinemaand at Lincoln Center.

Lastly, there’s the Bollywood film Panga (FIP) from director Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari, starring Kangana Ranaut as a middle-class Indian woman and former kabaddiworld champion looking for new meaning as a wife and mother, who decides to return to the sport despite her age and responsibility to family. It will open in roughly 100 theaters.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Opening Friday at the Metrograph is the 1stU.S. release of the director’s cut of Jia Zhangke’s 2010 documentary I Wish I Knew,which looks at the past and present of Shanghai in a documentary full of interviews with people from all different walks of life including local actresses and fellow filmmaker Hou Hsiao-hsien. It also follows Zhangke’s favorite actress Zhao Tao, who was amazing in last year’s Ash is Purest White, as she explores the site of the Shanghai World Expo Park as it’s under construction. It’s a great film to learn more about the history of mainland China, something I greatly appreciated having been such a longtime inhabitant of Chinatown.

Even more exciting is that the Metrograph is starting a retrospective series for indie filmmaker Hal Hartleythis Friday, which is exciting since I’ve been such a big fan but haven’t seen nearly as many of his films as there are out there, having only seen his debut The Unbelievable Truth (1989) a few years back, also at the Metrograph. Hal Hartley will be at the Metrograph this Friday night, January 24, and then back on February 1 for screenings of Henry Fool (1997) and its 2006 sequel, Fay Grim. This weekend, you can see Trust from 1990, Simple Men (1992), 1994’s Amateur and more.

With the nomination of Julia Reichert and Steven Bonar’s American Factory receiving an Oscar nomination, Metrograph has put together a last-minute series, “The Academy-Nominated Films of Julia Reichert and Steven Bognar,” a program of three shorts including the 2009 short The Last Truck(shown with American Factory), 1976’s Union Maids and 1971’s Growing Up Female, and the 2006 miniseries A Lion in the House.

This weekend’s Late Nites at Metrograph  is the Jackie Chan action classic Police Story (1985). Oops, I made a little error as Playtime: Family Matinees, was supposed to be Taika Waititi’s 2016 film The Hunt for the Wilderpeople, but it got changed to Peter Weir’s 1989 movie Dead Poets Society, starring Robin Williams, which is also quite good.

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

Besides tonight’s “Weird Wednesday” of Brain Dead (1990), they’re doing a Troop Beverly Hills “Quote-Along” tomorrow night. If that isn’t good enough, on Monday, you can see the Lonely Island’s amazing Popstar: Never Stop Stopping either as part of the monthly “Out of Tune” hosted by my pal Jeremy Wein at 7pm or at 9:30 as a Sing-Along, well except that both are very close to sold out. Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is the Japanese horror classic Ringu (1998) (I’ll be there) and then “Weird Wednesday” is 1979’s Killer Nun.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s “Afternoon Classics” is Ernest Borgnine’s 1955 film Marty, and then Weds. and Thurs’ night’s double feature is Bob & Carol & Ted & Aliceand Jacques Demy’s Model Shop, both from 1969. Friday’s “Freaky Friday”… um… “Afternoon Classics” is the 1985 vampire thriller Fright Night, and Friday night’s midnight screening is Tarantino’s Django Unchained. (The Saturday midnight screening of Scorsese’s Goodfellasis already sold out.) The weekend’s “Kiddee Matinee” is Miyazaki’s How’s Moving Castleand then the Monday Matinee is the 1971 thriller Klute. (Most of the weekend evening slots are taken up by Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood, just to make sure all the Oscar voters have a chance to see it in the next couple weeks.) Monday and Tuesday night is a Henry Hathaway double feature of The Lives of a Bengal Lancer(1935) and The Trailer of the Lonesome Pine (1936).

FILM FORUM (NYC):

While the “Black Women: Trailblazing African American Performers & Images, 1920 – 2001” continues this weekend with the 1934 and 1959 iterations of Imitation of Life, as well as screenings of What’s Love Got To Do with It, the Tina Turner biopic starring Angela Basset, who received an Oscar nomination for it, and then the Film Forum Jr. screening is The Wiz, starring Michael Jackson and Donna Summer. Other movies in the series include Cleopatra Jones, Gone with the Wind and Spike Lee’s debut She’s Gotta Have it. Film Forum is also doing a special Homage to Anna Karenina, the late Jean-Luc Godard muse who starred in many of his classics including Band of Outsiders, Alphaville, Pierrot Le Fou, plus six other films will be screened beginning Wednesday and through January 30. On Sunday, Film Forum is showing Lee Grant’s 2005 documentary A Father … a Son … Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, which is about Kirk and Michael Douglas with Grant in person doing a QnA. The theater will also screen William Wyler’s 1951 film Detective Story, which stars Grant on Sunday and next Tuesday.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

This weekend begins “Cinematic Void 2020” with the Friday selection being Dario Argento’s The Cat O’Nine Tails (1971), followed on Saturday by a 5-movie Giallo Marathon, including Argento’s Opera(1987), Bava’s A Blade in the Dark (1983), Fulci’s The Black Cat  (1981), and two more. Joe Dantewill be on Sunday for his 16mm Spotlight, showing 1972’s Richard. This week’s “Sunday Print Edition” is Carol Reed’s Night Train to Munich(1940) in 35mm in the afternoon and then Richard Benjamin and Dyan Cannon will be on hand to discuss the amazing 1973 thriller The Last of Sheila, one of my favorite movies.

AERO  (LA):

Besides a matinee screening of Scorsese’s Goodfellas on Thursday (free to Cinemateque members), the AERO begins a “Ford Vs.” series with a double feature of John Ford’s The Quiet Man  (1952) with Sam Peckinpah’s classic Straw Dogs (1971). Friday is Ford’ sStagecoach(1939) with Kelly Reichardt’s Meek’s Cutoff  (2010). Saturday at 9AM, you can watch a triple-feature of Toy Story, Toy Story 2 and Toy Story 3, and then in the afternoon, the AERO will show Toy Story 4 with guests. That’s a full day of Toy Story viewing! Saturday night’s “Ford Vs.” is Ford’s The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance with Akira Kurosawa’s Sanjuro, both from 1962. Sunday night’s double is Sergio Leone’s Once Upon a Time in the West  (1968) with Ford’s My Darling Clementine (1946). Tuesday’s Scorsese matinee is his debut Mean Streets.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

You can still catch a few of the movies in the lead-up to Bonello’s Zombi Child with another screening of I Walked with a Zombie on Weds. night, as well as De Palma’s Carrie and the Extended Director’s Cut of The Exorcist on Thursday.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Jack Lemmon will present the classic Billy Wilder film Some Like It Hot  (1959) on Wednesday, Black Edwards’ The Great Race (1965) on Thursday and 1968’s The Odd Couple on Friday. 

IFC CENTER (NYC)

This week’s Weekend Classics: Luis Buñuelwill screen a double feature of the classic short Un Chien Andalou (1929) with the doc L’Age D’or (1930) while Waverly Midnights: Hindsight is 2020s will screen Alfonso Cuaron’s Children of Men and Late Night Favorites: Winter 2020goes with Argento’s Suspiria… again.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

On Saturday, there will be a “Texas Chainsaw Double Feature” of the first two movies from 1974 and 1986 as part of the “Disreputable Series.” Also, the museum continues to screen Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey as part of its exhibition.

ROXY CINEMA(NYC)

The Nicolas Cage love continues on Weds. with Martin Scorsese’s 1999 movie Brinigng Out the Dead, and then on Saturday, Bottleneck Gallery will screen 1987’s The Monster Squad and 1986’s Night of the Creeps.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Friday’s night’s midnight movie is John Carpenter’s adaptation of Stephen King’s Christine (1983).

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

The New York Jewish Film Festival continues through next week so no rep stuff.

STREAMING AND CABLE

On Sunday, Netflix will stream the first season of Fast and Furious: Spy Racers, which I have little to no interest in. I have a little more interest in Star Trek: Picard, which will begin streaming on CBS All Access on Thursday.

That’s it for this week. Next weekend is the Super Bowl, but that’s not gonna stop the releases of Gretel and Hansel(U.A. Releasing) and Blake Lively’s The Rhythm Section (Pararamount).