#i guess i wouldnt care if hes an alcoholic but ill probably be the one to kill him at that point (i am a Massive hypocrite) and then ill go

[beaniebitch69]

i have unresolved issues that make me attracted to italians

[goremet-chef]

three of my sotf ocs bpd havers? seems right

i guess it makes sense, and i dont know how to connect with characters that arent mentally ill somehow ���� like i literally. i had to blast jupe with my autism beam to connect to him (threw on asexual too cuz aspec bitches get it)

and i made monty queer but queer isnt enough this mans life fell into shambles after his wife left cuz he was obsessed with her!!!!! and he didnt think he could ever live without her but now hes forced to, so hes impulsive and bitter, doing shit that he knows isnt good for him and he doesnt care. he'll do anything to fill that void, he'll fill it with loveless flings and alcohol, late night drives to nowhere just to FEEL something. anything that can deliver him from pain, he'll take no matter how poisonous it might be

yes 😁 and honestly. him and cicero have a lot of beef for PLENTY of reasons but i feel like they can find common ground there. like later on in their island experience ofc cuz monty isnt finding ANY common ground with ANYONE at first. but once theyre becoming more focused on survival and looking after each other, i can see that happening. also could explain why they fight so much, bpd rage is INTENSE and it just like. creeps up out of nowhere like one second yr fine and then tick tick tick 💥💥💥 youve never been so mad in yr life

idk just helps me love him more, knowing he deals with things that i deal with too. like wow!!! i love him so much, im gonna give him the most painful aspect of my life :]]

other one is shark, just cuz honestly yeah. id say quiet bpd is more accurate, that feeling of shame and guilt about everything and the horrible fear of abandonment, very sharkcore 👍 sees himself as the worst thing on the island but even still he tries so hard to endear himself to yarrow and cicero because theyre the only people who havent turned their backs on him. he thinks they inevitably will, so he tries his hardest to lengthen the time he has with them. will go out of his way to not be selfish around them (to some extent, its honestly just in his nature)

if only he knew they would never leave him!!! yarrow cant see all that because shark keeps it decently hidden, any fear he feels can be easily passed off as regular old anxiety cuz they live in hell yknow. he just knows he loves shark, and he left literally everything hes ever know behind to be with someone who hes only known for like. 3 years max okay like. hes infatuated hes. all these little things shark cant see behind his fear, the fact that yarrow feels motivated enough to work twice as hard just by being around shark, how he delivers him his meal without him even asking. like. GODDDD little things yarrow doesnt even think twice about, he doesnt question why he does these things, he just wants to.

SICKENING the amount of love he has for him. for someone who really doesnt deserve it!!!! and yet :]

also cicero shark FP boyfriends is my favorite timeline, like yeah having someone who can match that level of love probably feels great. and then yarrow getting showered in love all the time cuz his bfs are madly in love with him (obviously, who wouldnt be?)

me stop inflicting bpd on my ocs challenge (literally impossible)

[icharchivist]

hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!

hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.

back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!

also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:

azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)

izumi: what do u mean by that???

me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma

anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...

oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.

i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play

Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c

the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.

AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!

lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c

of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.

I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.

And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.

BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .

(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)

But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.

I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.

ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.

and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh

but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.

OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!

The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!

"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much

AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"

But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....

your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.

Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT

And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.

Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT

And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.

THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....

Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c

but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!

Hope you'll like the winter play :3c

Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!

[valentineprinceprince]

light up my life |chapter 2| Jotaro Kujo x Reader

word count: 1,198

Warning:none

note:im SOrRY i rewrote this two times and its at a point where i like it so yea

      You were let into Jotaro's household and made your way to the living room to be greeted by holly. Her face was shocked when she saw the cuts on you. “ OH! (y/n) what happened to you! We need to get you patched up!” she quickly hurried away to fetch a med kit. You felt a heavy hand on your shoulder so you looked up to see the older man looking very regretful. “ miss, i'm so very sorry if i had known you were a friend of my grandson here i wouldnt have attacked you so abruptly, please forgive me.” he sounded so sincere it was hard not too. “ o-oh don't worry about it ill be fine, i've had worse.” you smiled. He let out a hearty laugh “ well! You're a tough one aren't you!” he gained back his composure and continued “ my name is Joseph Joestar.” he held out a head that you grabbed and with your surprise it was cold.``my name is (y/n) (l/n), it's a pleasure. ”Joseph gestured a hand to the stranger to his left “and this is my good friend, Muhhamed Abdul.”. You bowed as a greeting. Holly now came running in a frenzy .” my ,(y/n) what have you gotten into to get cuts like that!?” Joseph butted in “ why don't you leave that to me, honey.”  Joseph took the kit from holly's hands, his face grew dark, and you felt a bead of sweat dripping down your forehead. “ miss (y/n)...your stand, what are your intentions with it.”. You grew confused. “ stand ?” in your disarray White Wedding appeared which alarmed jotaro, joseph and avodoll in turn making you alarmed as well. “ what's wrong? Are you all ok?” you looked between all the characters in front of you anxiously. 

 “Can...can you see h-her?” your voice broke. “ can you see my spirit?” you looked at jotaro, had he been ignoring White Wedding the whole time?. Avodol spoke up“That is your stand (l/n), the physical manifestation of your soul”  

“A s-stand?” you stuttered. “ yes only other stand users can see stands,” avdol continued,”observe…Magician's red!” . a humanoid flaming bird emerged from avdol's body. “This is my stand ‘magicians red’ it represents the magician tarot card.”  magicians red retired back into Avdol. 

“But jotaro … you were never able to see White Wedding…” I replied looking over to your friend. “I only developed my stand as of recently” jotaro said relaxing, putting his hands in his pockets. “Oh” , that makes sense. For so long you've been waiting for someone to see White Wedding. A confirmation that you weren't alone. “I-i don't plan on hurting anyone with ‘white wedding’... I've never had anyone see her, so i have her out all the time in the hopes of someone else seeing her… I'm sorry if I startled you Mr.joestar” you bowed. “Oh the blame is on me, worry not dear.” 

  You touched your face and noticed how hot it was, probably because of the shock, but then you touched something wet and noticed you were still bleeding . 

“Mr joestar, you can give me that I can tend to my own wounds.” you said holding out your hand. “Very well then” he sighed, not willing to argue with you, handing you the kit. “ Do you mind if I use your bathroom, jotaro?” you requested before heading into the bathroom, for the sake of being polite. 

You were just about finished patching yourself up when a shadow was cast upon yourself, you turned to see jotaro standing in the bathroom doorway. “Are you almost finished? My mom wants you to have dinner with us.”  

“ umm yeah… there's some cuts on my lower back … can you.. You know.” your voice softened in the end. Jotaro took off his torn hat revealing his jet black hair and set in on the sink.”good grief, woman i thought you could tend to your own wounds.” he criticized. Without his hat you can see his eyes clearly. They are a sharp beautiful teal, like a tropical ocean. A contrast to his wardrobe. 

“Sorry, i'll just do it myself then.” you said plainly.  Jotaro quickly double backed and snatched the bandaged. “No,” he said firmly.

Jotaro spined his index finger ordering you to turn around. You did as he signed and lifted the back of your uniform. 

“Good grief woman.” jotaro sighed. “ you didn't even clean the cuts, they are still bleeding.” jotaro put the bandages on the counter and took the alcohol wipes. He swiped your lower back cleaning the blood and disinfecting each line on your skin. It stung like a bitch and you couldn't suppress the pain anymore.

“Blyat” you cursed “Pyeryestan’ zalupatsa, (y/n)” . Jotaro finished with sanitizing and asked, “what was that about”  he continued and wrapped the bandages around your torso. “ That stung a lot more than the others, sorry, I guess they were deeper.”

You felt a tug on your side signaling he was done, you adjusted your shirt and you both made your way to the dining room.

At the diner table there was an awkward silence, but you didn't care , you're hella ravenous and you focused on the meal in front of you. Everyone ate in silence except for the quiet banter between Mr.joestar and holly. 

Dinner was nearing its end and the sun was setting. “Ms.kujo thank you so much for the meal but I really should be heading home.” I inquired. Hollys face saddened “oh, of course! Your company was much appreciated, feel free to visit any time you're basically family now” , before you could reach the door you heard holly's voice again. “Jotaro-san be a doll and walk (y/n) home it's dark”. You didn't object, Holly wasn't asking Jotaro she was telling him.

You were waiting at the door for jotaro, he was slipping on his signature coat. “Hurry up ,its getting dark.” jotaro said curtly. The two of you made your way through the garden and to the giant gate marking the kujo residence. “Hey, jojo..” you whispered ,looking at the ground waiting for an answer.

 “What is it” he turned to you with a laid back look in his eyes. He always seemed to really be himself and relax around you, dropping his persona.

“I was wondering if I can see your stand…” you looked up at him, which was common ( you stood at 5 ft 5in around jotaros shoulders)

Jotaro looked away in thought.”sure why not”. Before you knew it a purple god like spirit emerged from jotaro, it had long black hair, wavy lines ran through his body and limbs, a loin cloth covered his pelvis, and finger less gloves and boots. Very enchanting. You got lost in his eyes, they were like jotaros, but he looked at you with such curiosity and vigor.-

“‘Star platinum!’” jotaro called back his stand. A brief interaction leaving you saddened.”c’mon...its dark out.”

To be continued--->

[cocofinny]

And here’s the final round of asks! thanks again for your patience! <3

please be aware that there are mentions of death and kidnapping

hmm i mean monster based food and drink does make you feel a little high, so i guess their alcohol would get you absolutely hammered :’D

sans would be very disappointed! he’s force reader to drink lots of water, eat something substantial, then send them straight to bed [and would not lift a single finger the next morning when they’re complaining about the mother of all hangovers!]

rus would find it hilarious and probably wouldn’t show as much care as his brother lol - he’d talk to them just because ‘theyre funny when theyre drunk!’ but he definitely isnt the type to fool around when someone’s off their face drunk because he finds that really weird :’D also if he was going to...*ahem*... ‘get friendly’ with someone he wouldnt want to do anything with them when theyre super drunk.....only because he needs to share in their feeling and he wouldn’t be able to concentrate when feeling the effects of alcohol too

....also he wants them to remember e v e r y t h i n g ;)

bless you im so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your family! <3 but im really glad that Panic Room could help lift your spirits!! ^3^~

i may draw some in the future! i have drawn one or two scenes already, but i do have a list of favourites!

the entire chapter when reader is sick [but not the fever dream moments]

the moment she listens to human music for the first time in years

the scene with One and Two/any scene with Happy [sorry i know picking two is cheating lol]

bless you thank you so much! im really happy that you’re enjoying it! <3

hmmmm UK football or US football?? :’) sorrylol

i guess with any sport like that they would have very strong opinions [except rus mainly because he’s not the sporty type lol]

sans would appreciate the team-building and the endurance training it offers! it sounds like quite a good outline for some Royal Guard drills............... ;;;)))

toriel would hate it full stop, no excuses, because ‘why are you hurting yourselves like that????’ ::’DD

[mentions of death, kidnapping] 

ooooooh dear that older sister will be killed for sure :’) 

unless she can somehow hide what she did [which nowadays is nigh impossible] then she will either be sentences to life imprisonment [quite likely because she is still quite young] or she will be executed :’) 

Ebott can be wherever you want it to be! i left the precise location a mystery ;)

but for me, Ebott is in the centre of a large landmass, but it’s not its own country - it’s more like a state, or a county

i may draw what i picture ebott to look like one day! <3

oh sans would find out pretty quickly ;) he’d know that something was amiss because he’s quite sensitive to souls, no matter how small! and if he can’t hear reader shuffling about the house cleaning or cooking, he would know that she was either missing or asleep or perhaps even ill, and he would investigate ;)

and his first reaction would probably be something like this:

‘u serious rn?’

sdfghjk omg ok but i actually really wanted to do that!! but i re-read it and thought ‘the situation between them is perhaps a liiiittle too serious’ so i ended up leaving it out :’)

[thanks again! <3]

[fiftyshadesgrl]

Consumed part 3

(Y/n)'s pov

I stood there for what seemed like forever just staring at the man i had loved so long ago. It seemed like forever ago that i was really truly happy with him. I set my food and drink down on the side table beside the couch, "you broke into my house?"

He nodded, "you wouldnt talk to me."

I gritted my teeth trying to control my anger. Why should i control my anger, he should feel every bit of it. "You dont deserve to talk to me. You dont deserve to be sitting here on my couch, in my home, demanding i talk to you."

His eyes fell to the floor, good i want him to hurt. I want him to suffer for everything he done to me. "Im sorry." He whispered., his eyes found mine and i could see the tears there. My heart ached a little for him but then i remembered that he done this.

"I dont care dean. I dont care if youre sorry, i dont care if you have missed me. You done this. The only person you can blame is yourself."

"Why did you try to kill yourself?" Deans question shocked me. I faltered with my anger for a moment but i regained my composure.

"Damn it sam." I growled under my breath but dean heard it.

He stood from the couch and took a step forward. "Dont blame sam. He shouldnt have had to tell me. You should have been the one to do that, why did you lie to me?"

"Lie!? You wanna talk about lying! You cheated on me and lied to me every night. We were together dean, you had a perfectly good woman at home and yet you chose to go after every waitress and barmaid you could find. When i woke up in the hospital you reeked of alcohol and some other womans perfume." I lowered my voice to a cold flat whispered. "You never cared about me, if you did you would have never cheated. So why would you care if i tried to kill myself?"

I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks but even though it pained me to see him hurting i would never let him close to me again. "I love you (y/n), i still do. I cared about you more than anything and i still have no idea why i did what i did. I guess its because i knew you could do better and i wanted you to see that. Now i realize i cant live without you i dont want to live without you. I know you will probably never trust me again but i hope one day you will."

I closed my eyes at the words i have always been wanting to hear from him. I felt my walls tumbling down inside and my heartbeginning to be exposed again. I felt his hads on either side of my face, his thumb rubbing the tears off my cheeks. Then i snapped back to reality.

I placed my hands on his chest and shoved him backwards, catching him off guard. "No! You dont get to tell me you love me! You dont get to come and go as you please! You dont get to swoop in like a knight in shining armor and try to sweep me off my feet. Just because youre telling me everything that i have wanted to hear doesnt mean im dumb enough to fall for it. Its to late dean, you shouldve realized what you had when you had it. Now you have to live the rest of your life knowing you will be alone, forever."

My words were a little harsh but he deaerved it. I walked to the front door and opened it. "Get out of my house. I dont care where you go, just get out." He stood in the hallway not moving and it began to frustrate me even more. "I mean it dean, get the hell out of my house."

He walked towards the front door with his head hung low. He turned right before he was on the porch and looked at me. "I really did break you." With that he walked down my front steps and back to his car. I slammed the door and locked it not looking back.

I picked my phone and called sam, he picked up on the second ring. "(Y/n)?"

I sighed into the phone, "yeah sam, dean just left."

"And?" Sam said hesitantly.

"Well i threw him out actually. I made it clear that i never want to see him again. He left just now and i dont know if hes coming back to the bunker or not."

"I understand. When do you want to meet to talk about the case?" Sam changed the subject and im thankful that he did. If i talked about dean any longer i would lose it.

"Tomorrow good for you? You can meet me here at my house if you want, or we can meet somewhere else." Finally picking up my pizza that was cold once again and my luke warm beer, i took a swig and grimaced. I hate warm beer but i didnt care at the moment.

"Ill come to you, ill text you when i leave here."

"Okay, see ya then." I said around a mouthful of pizza then hung up. I turned the tv on, flipping through the channels to find there was nothing on. I settled on a old game show rerun as i finished my pizza and beer. My eyes began to feel heavy and the exhaustion from the last few days finally hit me full force.

I heard my cell phone going off alerting me that i have missed messages. I dont rememver falling asleep but i must have been more tired than i thought. I slept all night and half of the day, i looked at my phone and it was one thirty in the afternoon. I had three text messages from sam.

'You up?'

'Hey sleepyhead, get up we have work to do.'

'Okay now im getting worried. On my way.'

Just as i read the last message a rap of knuckles was heard on my front door. I jumped up and walked to the front door to find sam peeking in my window. I smiled and opened the door, "you a peeping tom now?"

"Very funny." He chuckled. "You wasnt answering my texts and you never sleep in this late." He walked inside giving me a tight hug before going into the living room. I shut the door and followed him, sitting next to him on the couch.

"Wheres dean?" I have no idea why i asked about dean and seeing sams expression he didnt either.

"I dont know, i havent seen him. He didnt come back to the bunker last night." Sam shrugged his shoulders like this was a normal thing. Which with dean it probably was.

"So, last night was supposed to be a werewolf hunt but it turned out that these werewolves are working together with vampires." I said as i walked to the kitchen to get us some beer.

"What the hell?" He took the beer from my hand and twisted the cap off. "Vampires and werewolves do not work together."

I shrugged, "well these do. I fought with the vampire last night and cut his head off. I think i might have shot one of the werewolves to im not sure. We have to do something before this blows up in our face."

"Before what blows up in our face?" I froze at the gravely voice that sounded from behind us. Sam seemed to tense up as well watching for my reaction.

I turned towards him, he had a smirk on his face as he leaned against the door frame. "You just cant take a hint can you? Youre not wanted here."

Sam was taken back by my harsh words to his brother. Dean shook his head and looked at sam, "so this is how it is. Im out and sams in now?"

"What are you talking about dean?" Sam said confused.

"You swooped in the moment im out of the picture. I always knew there was something between you two." Dean growled the last bit between gritted teeth.

I couldnt help but laugh, "sam is here because i still like him. He never lied to me. He never hurt me, i trust sam."

Sam sighed, "theres nothing between me and her. Im helping her with a case."

Dean then walked around and sat in the recliner across from us. "In that case im all ears."

"Just humor him for the moment. Im in no mood to argue." I knew id regret not making him leave again but at this point in time i didnt care.

@an-unhealthy-obsession @vicmc624 @holylulusworld @justanotherwinchester @tftumblin

[legion1993]

3 little words: i Love You

A/n: this is for @thisismysecrethappyplace for her challenge! *sorry this took so long girl! but here it is... im so sorry i hope this fits with all the prompts and details. hope you enjoy it.

pairing: Barry Allen x Female!reader

reader’s personal sitch: bullied by family “friends” co workers

male main is: overprotective

sitch between mains: love letters

dialogue (quote): “i was just kinda hoping that you’d… y’know… fall in love with me…”

summery: its a surprise….

masterlist

this is how your life changed, it went from one of daily turmoil and unpleasentries to one where you received your happily ever after.  this is how it happened, this is how you discovered how much your best friend really cared about you. 

your daily routine included: 

waiting 10 minutes before getting out of bed to make sure your eyes were working first. 

after getting out of bed, going to the bathroom doing your hair and smiling at yourself in the mirror. 

then going to select your outfit, something comfortable yet pleasent on the eyes. 

once that was done, do some of your daily mobile game stuff. 

then walking out the door with your bag, shoes and sometimes a jacket.

then walking to work, of course with your music rocking away in your ears, you of course had already called Jitters coffee house placing the order for your morning coffee and of course your breakfast sandwich.

stopping in and picking it up, chatting a bit with the usual barista or whoever happened to be working at that particular time.

walking out of there carefully continuing your strut all the way to the CCPD, where for about 8 months now you had faithfully fulfilled the role of CSI, while your best friend Barry Allen was in acoma after being struck by lightning. 

your only wish was to have your best friend/overprotective partner in crime solving back by your side cause without him there, work was hell for you. 

for you were bullied and teased by pretty much everyone you worked with, everyone only bullied you if the captain or Barry or iris or Joe weren’t around.  this time none of them were around, instead you were teased as soon as you walked into the station, you practically had to run through the police station, up the stairs to your’s and Barry’s lab. 

you got in there placing the coffee and your sandwich on the nearby table you fell to the ground in tears…  all you could do was wish that Barry was there, but it was getting easier to do this day by day, just involved alot of crying and lots of alcohol. 

YN (to self): “Barry come back to me, please i need you!”

all you did was repeat that over and over… but someone else happened to stumble upon your little crying session… for now it was Iris West who happened to walk in your lab slowly….

thats of course when she heard what you were saying more clearly…

Iris: “YN…”

your head turned towards the friendly, familiar voice this made you come out of your on the floor stupper, get up and run into her familiar embrace. when she pulled back she started crying with a smile on her face. 

YN: “Iris, i know why i’m crying but why are you crying?”

Iris: “it’s Barry, he’s awake!”

YN: “he is… when? for how long? how? is he okay? Where?”

Iris: “he is fine, he is at Star Labs still they are just making sure he is healthy before they let him come home. Barry wanted me to tell you that he will be back soon. now want some company while you start your work?”

YN: “i wouldnt mind, it would keep the other noses out of where they don’t belong.”

Iris: “people still giving you a hard time?”

You just nodded you couldnt even form words about it, see what had been happening was you were always seen as the burden, the over bearing know it all, seen as the one thing stopping everyone around you from being able to live their lives… 

but when you started working at the CCPD after Barry fell into acoma your only thought was doing your job, however certain of Central city’s finest didnt think you had any business at all digging your nose into the cases as CCPD’s newest CSI… 

it was always worse, like going to school with Barry people would tease you and him, teasing you guys by saying that you guys looked closer than friends… well as much as that would be a nice thought you were just grateful once you and Barry graduated high school. 

but in the back of your mind, the only part of those memories that really stuck with you were the ones that included every single time Barry would drag you away from those bullies, everyone around you guys, sometimes it was almost like he was over protective of you. 

Barry a few times got his ass kicked just because he tried to avenge your feelings, because he was the only one who was able to see through your facade, he could see that all the teasing and bullying was tearing you apart…

But nothing else was said apart from the new kind of glow about you, Iris of course was thrilled, but she could see that all the pain and sorrow you had been surrounded with when she walked in the lab had all gone away. 

your main focus right then was on the fact that Barry was awake and alive and coming back soon. 

Iris: “so what case are you working on?”

YN: “something brand new the Captain texted me that he was gonna leave samples of stuff on my desk… in a box…”

you pick up the box of evidence and smile. now you were in happy-ish work mode. 

with your new outlook nothing could bring you down, well none except for them… in the ccpd there was a pair of men, they were the same jerks from when you and Barry were in high school. every single morning they walked well more like strided into your lab and began to bug you. 

bully 1: “hey YN what do you call a lab coat with stains?“ 

bully 2: "oh look its not a lab coat its a bitch thinking she can survive in a world where she does not belong.”

Bully 1: “and look she has a friend with her… i guess its a two for one special today…”

Bully 2: “which one do you want?”

Iris came closer to you, grabbing the mop where you grabbed the broom… 

Iris: “stay back or we will make you stay back…”

Bully 1: “well then make us… little bitches.”

those bullies just stood there and didnt move or anything but the second they started laughing both you and Iris set down the mop and the broom which in turn led to both you ladies walking up to those bullies and kicking them in the balls. then running off to talk to Captain Singh. 

when you and Iris got to the stair case like 2 hallways away from the lab, Iris spotted her father and figured she would let you talk to captain singh alone. 

Iris: “ill catch you later YN!”

Iris said once both you and her got down the stairs, it was your job to get into singhs office and tell him about the bullying that was going on within the precinct walls. 

you approached his door and knocked before opening. 

YN: “captain…”

Singh: “YN,  shut the door & come in please have a seat…”

you closed the door walking over to the chair to sit down… 

YN: “as you know since starting here i have developed a routine of mostly keeping to my work, or staying close to iris or joe or even you… well thats because alot of the precinct bullies and teases me… i mean lots of people do  but the precinct does because of Barry… they think i only took a job here cause i wanted to be close to him.. thats not it at all… i love my job, its in fact one of the only jobs where i have people to shield me from the teasing and the bullying… captain i know that you havent heard about this breakthrough news yet, not many people know about it but Iris was here this morning she told me that Barry is awake and coming back soon! the people looking after him just want to run a few more tests on him to make sure he is healthy before they release him.”

singh: “well we will be pleased and honored to have Mr. Allen back at his post and i’ll be counting on you to show barry the new protocols and things. but as to the bullying issue, i’ll make a formal announcement to the entire precinct to promote the new anti bullying law… henceforth, anyone found guilty of bullying another officer or member of the ccpd shall immediately be stripped of their rank, gun, badge and be discharged… how does that sound?”

You nod your head now having the thought of Barry, Barry how the hell would he react to hearing that since he got struck by lightning you fell prey to the bullying going on under the nose of the captain. 

Singh: “shall we go make this announcement to the entire precinct and after wards i’ll personally escort you back to your lab.”

YN: “thank you captain!”

you and singh walk out of his office, no one dared to touch you nor say anything cause of course you were walking to the staircase with the captain. at the top of the staircase you and Singh turned to face the rest of the precinct. 

Singh: “attention everyone, its come to my attention very recently that there has been bullying happening within the walls of my precinct. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE… henceforth anyone caught bullying another member of this precinct shall be stripped of their badge, their gun and be discharged from service to the CCPD. i want everyone to take note and report directly to me if there is any known bullying activity happening, names and badge numbers when you report it in. is that clear?”

everyone below agreed, then Singh turned away from you leading you back to your lab… 

Singh: “YN, i hope you know that no one will ever be able to take your position away from you… when Barry returns we will make sure to install key card access for your guys safety… but i’ll let you go back to work, and i’ll even let you take off early today. i’m sure you probably want to stop by and see Barry… or go back to your apartment and prepare to bring him home.”

at that moment before you could even say anything your phone started buzzing, it was a video chat request from Barry.. your face lit up, you turned your phone to show the captain, who bowed out gracefully. 

you went to sit at the desk full of boxes as you answered the call… 

YN: “Barry…”

Barry: “YN, looks like you are having fun!”

YN: “your ok… ive been so worried!”

Barry could just chuckle watching as you show him a huge stack of papers. 

Barry: “your worried, ive been worried. your surrounded by people who will stop at nothing to bully and torment you, who will stop at nothing but to make your life miserable. i just hope that you are gonna be able to survive till i can come back.”

YN: “when is that by the way? Iris said it would be a few days… please tell me it will be sooner than that.”

Barry: “ill be out as soon as i can! but tell me is the apartment still in tack… anyone else giving you a hard time?”

you turned your eyes towards the papers and instantly Barry knew that something was wrong… 

Barry: “is it the same idiots from high school.?”

thats when you broke down… you started crying… Barry’s only regret was that he couldnt be there to comfort you.

Barry: “as soon as i get out of this doctor office, i’ll come and i’ll save you. i promise!”

YN (sobbing): “i hope i’ll survive, the captain knows ive been getting bullied. i just hope that you are gonna be out of there soon! i really miss my roommate/best friend!”

Barry: “i miss you too… i know its been a rough few months, i also know you spent quite a few nights here right beside me, so thank you… it helped me to sub consciously keep fighting cause i knew i had something precious to come back too…”

YN: “please come back soon. i can’t express into enough words how much i miss having you around. this lab is too big for just one person. besides this work would go alot faster with another person.”

Barry laughed hearing you try to sweet talk him into coming back early. 

Barry: “well what are you working on now? cataloging or closing?”

YN: “cataloging, and its annoying cause Singh won’t ease up on how much work he is giving me… i have currently several boxes full of different cases, but alot of these have the csi listed as you, are signed with your signature, i haven’t been able to think about anything else since you got struck by lightning, i have forgotten to clean the apartment most days so now i’ve hired a maid service for us, for our apartment, i know there is nothing else i can possibly say right now that will make you come back any faster but i will say this, when you get back there will be alot of hugs & lots of dancing in the rain. like we did the night of our high school graduation.”

Barry: “lots of dancing in the rain definately. but i gotta go unfortunately the doctor wants to run more tests… physical tests but i’ll be out soon and then i’ll give you the biggest hug ever.”

You blew a kiss into the phone and watched the screen go black. the call ended, the overwhelming sense of happiness that you were feeling at that moment, was a lot better than what you had been feeling when you had been by yourself this morning. 

you finished cataloging 3 more files of paper and then made the effort to go check in with the captain before you left for the day. it was twilight when you left the station. 

of course you had taken your time with cataloging you might have even cataloged a bit more than you had hoped to do, but there was no shortage of good thoughts on your mind. 

now there had been alot of things on your mind before hand, you had so much more on your mind now. Barry was gonna be so surprised when he got back home. of course however when Barry would finally come home would be the first time in forever that you might actually want to tell him of your feelings or vise versa. 

you stopped to pick up some dinner but you couldnt keep your mind off the fact that Barry would soon be back by your side where he belonged.

meanwhile at star labs…

Barry: “how many more tests do we have to run? honestly i got a life to get back too.”

Caitlin: “you will be allowed to leave as soon as you perfect your control of your super speed. which if you complete this next simulation, you will hopefully have full control and be back home by tomorrow morning.”

Barry: “ugh, i have a girl that ive been in love with since we were in school together and i can’t survive the rest of my life, if i never have the courage to tell her how i really feel. look she has been bullied since we were in high school by these 2 idiots who now work in the ccpd. i hate the thought of her facing each day working with those 2 goons.”

Caitlin could only do so much more, so after 4 more hours of testing Barry’s abilities and vitals she realized that no matter what test she put him through, within those 4 hours he worked even harder and gained serious amounts of control over his abilities. 

Caitlin: “we are just about ready to send you home but there is something else that we would like you to do, we think you should become a hero…”

Barry: “i’ll think about it now can i please…”

thats when the star labs alarm went off… heading to the cortex, barry and caitlin met up with wells and cisco to find out the cause of the alarm. on the monitor it showed a dark barely lit alley with what looked to be a woman leaning scared against the wall with about 6 guys. 

Cisco: “im just about to pull up the audio footage…”

as soon as cisco pulled up the audio Barry took off in a black hoodie and red lightning.

in the alley

YN: “stay back leave me alone, one push of a button and this alley would be swarming with cops.”

attacker 1: “well then do it, it will make this more of a party…”

Attacker 3: “let see what she is wearing under neath that coat!”

but it was like a blur, a red, yellow blur of lightning a figure knocking away those goons before they could  surround you anymore. but you hadnt time to thank this blur before he disappeared…  for the rest of your walk home, there wasnt any noise that you heard on that walk home that didn’t make you shake…

quarter way from your apartment

it wasn’t till you arrived on the home stretch that a familiar shadow was sitting on the steps of your building’s entry way. 

Barry: “hey…”

Your brain didnt register the voice at first till their form stood and moved towards you, forcing you to stop dead in your tracks… your body already quivering, made your knees buckle from beneath you right then and there you dropped to your knees in fear… 

Barry having seen this, knowing what you went through knowing also that he couldnt say anything about what happened nor him saving you. but instead only walked a bit more till he was half visible in the street light.

you hadn’t stopped watching his form but yet still now standing right there, now under the street light your eyes now registered the voice to the figure now standing a few feet away.

YN: “Barry…”

you got up off the ground immediately and ran straight for his embrace, realizing that you were now starting to spout tears of joy…

Barry: “shh shh its okay…”

YN: “your home... but i thought...”

Barry: “they let me go early... so i got a taxi here and ive been waiting here for you to come home ever since...”

you pulled back to look at him and then went to the front door and opened it, letting both of you inside... Barry & you didn’t stop starring at eachother the entire way inside, it was nerve wrecking for both of you...

once in the apartment you had to turn away from Barry for a moment ashamed of the strewn case files everywhere.. 

Barry: “its like i never left... case files everywhere, take out on the counter.. dishes on the drying mat... let me guess the bed isnt made and the laundry is waiting to be folded...”

YN: “is it that obvious...”

Barry nodded but instantly went to work, putting trash in the trash and dishes in the cupboard... it really was like he never left... you removed your coat and your heels taking a sigh of relief... then going over to a small gift box with every single letter you had written for Barry since he had got struck by lightning.

Barry: “what ya got there...”

you brought the box over to Barry and handed it to him... 

YN: “i wrote you a letter one for every single day you were gone... they contain my thoughts, feelings, and wishes... also they tell you what happened while you were well in coma... just keep an open mind when you read them... im gonna go put on a face mask and get into something less work related... then maybe you can help me sort through these case files.”

Barry: “of course... i cant even imagine what kind of torment you went through when i was gone...”

You instantlly thought about what happened many numerous times, being sexualized and bullied and teased and pushed around. it didnt make being without barry easy but all you could do was tough it up... 

YN: “it was torture... and today wasnt much better i was chased and cornered in an alley on the way home, i was almost raped...”

you say as your walking towards the bedroom, upon hearing this though barry follows in suit, bringing his laundry bag and places it in the pile by the door. your sitting on the bed when he finally catches up to you. 

Barry: “what do you mean you almost got raped tonight?”

YN: “i mean i was walking home and i almost got raped in an alley a couple blocks away... but a red lightning blur saved me... i was able to escape... but im shaken beyond belief.”

Barry: “you are gonna be okay, now just relax... im not going anywhere...”

Barry got out of his sweater and took off his socks coming up behind you, he pulls you into his embrace and you sob uncontrollably against his chest, knowing that now he was home and you could finally rest easy.

both you and Barry now relaxing into a calm environment Barry looks at the box that he had put on his side of the bed... the box with all the letters you had written him... so with his free hand he opens the box, and begins to read the first letter...

YN (letter 1): “Barry, its been literally 24 hours since you got struck by lightning... i’m slowly getting into a different routine... one that right now till you wake up or even if you wake up.. ugh barry there are alot of things i wish i could have had the courage to tell you before but i guess telling you like this is better than not telling you at all... i love you Barry Allen... those bullies in school and at the precinct they were right to call us bf/gf... i know that you probably won’t feel the same but i hope this also doesn’t change our friendship... i really miss you... oh ya i did say precinct, Singh gave me a job as temp csi... just until we know more about whether or not you wake up...i hope you wake up soon... its gonna be torture without you around. love YN.”

Barry set that one aside to open the next one... 

YN (letter 2): “Barry, i cant take this... today i started a filing system of all the case files and stuff. i was handed a bunch of boxes and things today... of old cases and forensics that you had aparently signed off on... i still haven’t brought myself the courage to come see you yet... i know it may be foolish but i know if i come by i’ll cry. i cant do that... i’ve cried enough to last a life time between all the bullying and you being comatose, im trying to find a safe haven in anything familiar. anyway hope you come home soon. love YN.”

thats when Barry decided to stop reading for the night... he closed the box and put it on his nightstand. cuddling up still holding you he too fell into a deep slumber.

the next morning 

he woke as you did to the sound of an obnoxious buzzing, you knew it was your phone and thus moved to grab it off your nightstand, you answered it putting it on speaker.

YN: “yeah...”

Singh: “there is a case its fresh, and ripe still can you come down?”

YN: “yeah i can text me the address.”

thats when you hung up the call, knowing that your own demise would be showing up to work knowing that barry was home and not there with you... now Barry having heard your conversation  with singh got up and started getting into a clean shirt and packing his csi bag as well as yours. 

YN: “Barry what are you doing?”

Barry: “whats it look like.... im coming with you...”

You got up going behind the changing cover grabbing your capris and your fave halter with the built in bra...

YN: “dont you want to take it easy? i mean you only just spent your first night back last night...”

Barry: “when have you ever known me to take it easy?”

You stopped for a moment amidst putting on your shirt...

YN: “never... but thats not the point  you should relax...”

Barry: “no what i need to do is come with you and show those bullies that you are not to be messed with...”

you were grateful to barry for that, but you still were concerned... you finished getting dressed and came out from the cover going over to Barry giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

YN: “thank you for being so concerned for me... ill be ready to go in a few minutes...”

you went into the bathroom and started on your hair, like normal Barry came in behind you after you finished brushing the hair, Barry began to braid your hair, for he knew it was difficult with such long hair to self braid, so for as long as you could remember.

Barry: “almost ready to go?”

you pulled out your phone and opened the jitters app and this time ordered 2 cappuccinos with extra whip & Chocolate drizzle... you knew the order would be ready by the time you guys got there...

you put on your shoes and smiled wide as arm in arm you exited the apartment with Barry. it made you feel normal once more. walking down the street towards jitters, Barry walking in stride with you inside jitters everyone there was impressed. they started clapping. 

the waitress handed you and Barry the cappuccinos and that when your phone dinged it was Singh with the address. you showed it to Barry who walked ahead of you to open the door of Jitters and walk out the door with you.

Barry: “lets go and see this crime scene... its just up the block...”

approaching the crime scene, you and Barry flashed your badges. officers starred at you guys, some of them clapped and welcomed Barry back...

Singh: “so this is your daily surprise! welcome back Barry!”

Barry: “than you Captain... for also looking after YN while i was gone... i know i have alot to make up for but i hope i can start by helping sweep the area for clues.”

Singh: “well then ill leave my 2 best csi’s to their jobs and ill expet a detailed report on your findings...”

you and barry nod, beginning to survey the scene. you went after prints and a few other things. Barry took photos of the scene, there was alot of blood and torn off limbs. 

YN: “whatever did this must have enjoyed themselves?”

Barry: “must have but wha...”

Barry kneels down and sighs...

Barry: “YN come here and bring gloves with sample collectors.”

you brought over the gloves and sample collectors, but saw the horror before your eyes at what appeared to be shedded skin. you and Barry decided to contain as much of it as possible, for testing and further investigation.

YN: “it looks like someone shed this like a snake...”

Barry: “it does but lets collect all the other evidence and head to the lab, we need to start on this ASAP!”

YN: “i cant wait to start this with you... i look forward to it. lets go... wait till you see the new filing system that ive done with the lab...”

Barry smiles walking back and grabbing both of your bags and walking back to you grabbing both your pairs of gloves and throwing them in the trash both yo and barry get a heroes escort back to the station. 

walking inside you felt safe, those bullies who had bullied you day in and day out didnt dare to bother you then for it became immediately clear that they wouldnt be able to touch you.

you led Barry up the stairs to the lab so familiar to both of you now. it was Barry who spoke about how the lab looked.

Barry: “i assume that you made these organizational changes cause it would be easier for us!”

YN: “yep, is that ok?”

Barry: “yep, now lets start the analysis!”

you and barry working together analyzing evidence something you had only dreamed about for the passed 9 months. but something didnt seem right, something seemed off... 

you went over to the computer while barry was getting lunch and accessed the street cam from the alley where you were attacked, you cut the clip of who or whatever saved you but something was off, you didnt know what...

Barry came back with food and saw you looking at the blur photo, he then realized that if something wasnt said soon, you were gonna probably never believe him... 

this however is when things fell apart... the entire lab went dark, Barry tripped over a chair dropping your shared lunch, then a figure with a slight glow about them appeared behind you and whisked you out of the lab with you screaming and kicking but it didnt do any good. 

this left Barry very distraught, this was what he was afraid of...  he used his speed to leave out of the fire escape and ran to star labs.

Barry: “you guys think i should be a hero well here is my chance to find out if i can be one... my friend, the one i spoke to on the phone, the one that i saved from being raped in that alley, the one that wrote me a letter for every single day i was in acoma, the one who in her first letter admitted she loved me, she just got kidnapped from our work, from our office, i need to get her back...”

Cisco:  “i have just the thing that you can use to conceal your identity to save your girl.”

cisco pressed a button and revealed a red suit with a lightning bolt logo. 

Cisco: “it will not burn nor crisp, it will move with you and allow your electrical current through your body, as well as communicate with us here, and it will also..”

Caitlyn: “it will also allow us to monitor your vitals and health in battle, as well as it gives us the ability to shock resuscitate you should anything happen to knock you unconscious.”

Wells: “we will be right here if you need us mr allen. Now Run Barry Run!”

Barry runs in a flash of red and yellow lightning to the suit and back out the door. Cisco pinged your location sending it to Barry, who runs faster finding that he can’t help but feel somewhat responsible for this.

Barry: “hold on YN im coming.”

meanwhile

in an abandoned werehouse near the docks you were being dangled by a chain over a big cylinder of some sort of stinky liquid. one of the bullies from the precinct was standing above you he was glowing, then he stepped into the light.

YN: “you killed those people, you shedded your skin... what the hell do you want?”

Carl: “well thats simple, i want to mate... see did you know that a reptile needs to mate every spring and sometimes its with their own offspring... well your not my offspring but you will do for the mating ritual, just have to make you like me first.”

you screamed as he dove toward you and shredded your capri’s and then dove into the stinky liquid below. you were horrified you tried to climb the chain but it didnt work, it was about 10 minutes later when the bully Carl came out of the liquid. 

Carl walked off the platform and over to the control panel he swings the chain probably making himself hard on hearing you scream, but that was also the moment when he grabbed you mid swing and pinned you to the platform.

at that moment something else came onto the werehouse property... or rather someone, someone who just so happened to hear you scream...

Flash: “hey lizard breath let her go...”

Carl: “why should i take orders from a man dressed in spandex?”

Flash: “first, of all its leather and second, thats not how you treat a lady.”

carl  just went back to roaming his hands along your body and all Barry could see was red, he took a risk and ran up the ladder and bowled into carl, though doing that caused you to go flying.

the chain came loose you were starting to slowly descend towards the liquid below. this cause another scream to leave your mouth, Barry upon hearing this takes a running leap of faith, catching you mid air he lands by the entrance holding you in his arms. 

Flash: “are you alright?”

YN: “i knew you would come for me... yes im okay... a little disoriented but am okay... but find him, he cannot be allowed to escape justice.”

Flash: “dont worry he wont...”

flash sets you down on your feet and speeds back inside, you hear a couple distorted grunts and then a woosh comes passed you. suddenly the same blur that saved you from the alley way the other night was now standing right in front of you.

Flash: “ive sent a anonymous call to the ccpd, they are dispatching some officeers to collect him when they do they will take him to Belle Reeve cause clearly he needs psychological and physical attention. but ccpd will be here soon, is there some place i can take you?”

YN: “i left my stuff in my lab back at ccpd, there is a fire exit at the back of the building, you can get in through there, its on the second floor. plus my csi partner and best friend will be worried about me, he is a little over protective, you know he has that over protective demenor that just makes me swoon whenever he is around. i’m so sorry you probably dont want to hear about this.”

Flash: “its okay, i kinda know how you feel, but lets get you back to your lab... can i carry you?”

You nod your head feeling strange but yet it didnt occur to yoou till your vision started to blur... Barry noticed it right away his visible features flooding with concern.

Flash: “hold on, miss, miss...”

Barry ran all the way to Central City General, where he proceeded to run you inside placing you in the care of some nurses he carefully but yet a bit quickly explained what happened. you had your ID in your shirt and you happened to still have your badge around your neck... 

they knew exactly who you were... the nurses took charge of you, Barry however left his ccell number with them as an emergency contact for her... he then went and ran back to star labs where he dropped off the suit and ran back to ccpd...

Singh walked in to find Barry lying on the floor unconcious... Barry having only been like that a few moments woke up slowly to singh shaking him gently...

Barry: “captain YN was taken it was carl and...”

Singh: “we know we have carl in custody who keeps raving on about a red and yellow blur rescuing YN...”

thats of course when Barry’s phone rang... 

Barry: “Barry Allen...”

Nurse 1: “Mr Allen My Name is Niomi, i am calling from Centra City General in regards to a YN YLN she was brought in by a guy in a red leather suit anyway she has been tested for a positive for snake venom... we are working on a cure, but can you come down?”

Barry having heard this, his face swarmed with panic flooding his initial facials... 

Barry: “oh god ill be there as quickly as i can... does she need anything?”

Niomi: “we got her a change of clothes from the gift shop on the house, but we do need to see her medical card and verify a few things... but mostly i think she would love it if you were here.”

Barry: “ill be there soon, my police captain is coming as well. thank you.”

Barry and Singh were out the door  faster than a speeding bullet, Singh used the siren to bypass all the evening traffic, arriving at the hospital they parked and ran inside. 

Naiomi instantly recognized the worried look on Barry’s face.

Naomi: “you must be barry...”

Barry: “where is she? ill verify anything that needs, ill sign whatever needs just let me see her please...”

Singh placed a hand on Barry’s shoulder and smiled lightly...

Singh: “ill verify and sign papers and information for YN, Barry you should be at her side...”

Barry: “thank you captain.”

Singh walks up to the desk, while Barry is led by Naomi to the room where you were solely placed. Barry’s expression was written clear on his face, he was seeing you the way you had probably seen him when he fell into coma. 

Barry: “please tell me what you guys can do to fix this?”

Naomi: “We are mixing more of the cure as we speak, the cdc is set up here already we had a few other cases like YN so we have been manufacturing it all day... its only a few hours away from being done. not to worry Barry, we willl do everything in our power to cure her, so you can tell her you love her..”

Barry looked at Naomi shocked...

Barry: “how did you...?”

Naomi: “simple ive seen enough people with pent up feelings of love to know the look when i see it... believe me mr Allen she is gonna be fine.”

Barry: “am i allowed to crawl into the bed and cuddle her in my lap, i wont knock out any of the cords i just want to hold her...”

Naomi: “come remove your shoes and place them on the chair with your coat and bag, ill help you get comfortable holding her so we can still have access to her IV for administering the cure.”

Barry did as asked, crawling into the bed holding you as he did, Naomi placed a blanket over both of you and turned the light on low. she left the room, Barry placed his phone on the table beside the bed. 

Barry: “im so sorry YN... i should have used my abilities, you shouldnt have been taken, not when i know i could have saved you. come on YN wake up, baby...”

Barry was lost in holding you close that he soon lost track of time, for a few short hours had passed before Naomi came into the room, Barry looked up his eyes blood shot from his having been crying. Naomi walked over to the IV Bag and replaced the bag and nodded at Barry whose eyes lit up.

Barry: “thats the...”

Naomi: “yes thats the cure. we will know if it worked within a few hours, try to get some rest Barry, when she wakes she will tell you i’m sure.”

Barry watched Naomi leave the room and gently leaned down to kiss your forehead...

Barry: “please come back to me, i love you...”

Barry knew how to tell if you were awake, he leaned the bed back almost all the way before he allowed sleep to over take him. it had once more been several hours before Barry was felt you move in his arms. 

you had been awake for a little bit but didnt move till now cause you wanted to enjoy being in Barry’s grasp.

Barry: “your awake!”

YN: “shhh not so loud, ive got a bit of a headache.”

Barry kissed your forehead gently and you stayed in his arm till you moved slightly and felt the iv start to sting... Barry helped you press the call button and Naomi came in...

Naomi: “YN glad to see your awake, i’m Naomi ive been looking after you. what can i do for you?”

YN: “im pretty sure the iv isnt supposed to be stinging is it?”

Naomi comes over to take a look...

Naomi: “it got a little out of place not to worry ill take care of that... you both can continue your little conversation...”

Barry and you watched Naomi fix your iv and put a new bag on before she left, you had been able to tell for a while now that Barry had something to tell you...

YN: “spill Barry... what is it that you want to tell me?”

Barry: “what do you remember about what happened to you?”

you had to think about it while leaning your head closer to Barry’s chest, the flashes of last nights events came rushing back at you.

YN: “carl was the shedding monster, he scratched me, he tried to rape me... Barry it was awful...”

Barry: “anything else..?”

YN: “yes there was a man, in red, with lightning speed, he saved me before i could hit the acid or whatever was in that container. he had this look about him like he knew me... like he was somewhat protective of me... but of course no where near as protective as you are Barry. why do you ask?”

Barry: “what if i told you that when i got struck by lightning it changed me...”

you looked up at Barry almost flooded with concern before you realized that ya it wouldnt surprise you if it did.

YN: “Barry any traumatic experience such as getting poisoned or getting struck by lightning changes a person drastically...”

Barry breathed in slightly before speaking again.

Barry: “what if i told you that getting struck by lightning it gave me abilities... ones that would allow me to lets say save you from getting raped in an alleyway, or from getting turned into snake woman...”

YN: “what if i said that i heard what you said last night...”

Barry: “you heard me say what...”

YN: “that you should have used your abilities, that i shouldnt have been taken, i heard you call me baby, i also heard you say 3 more words to me. but before we get into that... why wouldnt you have told me that you were the person who saved me right off the hop...”

Barry: “cause i didnt know if it would change how you felt about me. i read 2 of your letters the night i came home. i know how you feel about me... for many years YN ive stood by your side as your best friend and i always well, i was just kinda hoping that you’d... well ya know... fall in love with me...”

you smile and reach up with your not iv’d arm and cup Barry’s face... the glow in his eyes was only ever seen one other time before this moment by you, that was the night of your guys high school graduation where you both shared a drunken quiet moment in the school garden.

anyway long story short, Barry leaned into your touch and smiled.

Barry: “i love you YN...”

the kissing began quite quickly...

[freakingfangirlingforever-blog]

You Didnt Notice

Dean x Reader

Summary: Y/n fights with Dean about being an alcoholic. In the moment he argues with you but after he changes his ways because he secretly loves you too much not to and you never notice.

Warnings: language and alcohol

A/n: Hi I was bored and thought of this. I dont really know what it is. Its kinda all over the place and I just firgured it out as I went along so its a little wierd. Its not too long tho so enjoy.

~

You grabbed the beer bottle out of his hands before he had a chance to open it. He was so drunk he didnt notice until you put it back in the fridge.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?!" He yelled at you.\

"You need to stop Dean."

"Stop what?!" His words slurred.

"This." You gestured to the dozens of empty beer bottles on the table in front of him.

"I can drink if I want its a free country!"

You began to yell back at him. "Not like this you cant!"

He chuckled. "Watch me." He pulled out a can from the six pack you hadnt noticed under his chair. He opened it and started chugging. You walked over and ripped it out of his hands, beer spilling every where. He stood up defensively. "What the hell?!"

"Dean your going to kill yourself drinking like this!"

"So what?! Im going to die eventually, hell, Ive died before what does it matter if I die like this?!"

"It matters to me Dean! Dont you understand that people care about you and dont enjoy watching you doing this to yourself?!"

"Sometimes the job is hard and I need to drink it off so sue me!"

"Yeah I know Im a hunter too. Every once and a while this is okay but you do this to yourself almost every night!"

"Fuck you!" He grabbed another can.

"Fine go ahead and kill yourself but if you dont change your habits your going to die Dean and nobody is gonna go down to Hell and save your ass again. Not Cas. Not me. Not Sam. Nobody. Because you brought this upon yourself and there wont be any coming back once its to late!"

Deans responded by flipping you off but you didnt care. You grabbed you coat and stormed out the door. You didnt know where you were going but it had to be away from there.

~Deans Pov~

Once the door slammed behind her I stopped drinking and threw the can against the wall. I was extremely wasted but was sober enough to know that Y/n was right. Dont get wrong I love alcohol but if it turns Y/n away Im willing to part with it.

I picked up my phone and called the only person I could call. "Sammy I need help."

"With what? A job?"

"No with drinking." Saying it made me feel weak. I hated it but it was for Y/n.

"Really, wait, I bet Y/n got to you didnt she?"

"Shut up, now are you gonna help me or not?"

"Yeah Ill be there in a minute."

~

It was nearly twelve when Sam arrived.

"What took you so long?!"

"I was tying up loose ends with the vampire case. How do you want me to help?"

"I dont know make sure I dont drink." I said sarcastically.

"Well lets start with getting rid of all of this then." He got a trash bag and filled it with anything that could pass as alcohol.

~

Weeks have passed since that night. I havent touched a drop of alocohol and it sucks. Sure I feel more awake. Sure I dont have to deal with hangovers. But its not being drunk. Today was week eight. Eight weeks sober. Man Y/n is going to be stoked.

~Y/n Pov~

Today You and Dean were doing a job. Nothing too serious just your run of the mill salt and burn. You walked out of my motel room that morning to find Dean already in Baby. He had sunglasses on and looked too tired for a job.

"Sun too bright for your hang over?" You said as ou hopped in.

"Nope its just sunny." He probably just didnt want to admit it.

~

The job was over before you knew it. Salt and burns were getting too easy to be fun anymore.

"You ready to get back?" He asked making small talk on the ride to the motel.

"Uh yeah. I just want to lay down watch tv and eat pizza." you liked your lips at the thought of food.

"Yeah when I get back to the motel im gonna get a nice cold beer." He laughed to himself like it was a joke.

"You think this is funny?!" You screamed at him. He nearly swerved of the rode to your reaction.

"What are you talking about?"

"I cant handle this any more! I cant watch you throw your life away!"

"Y/n, Im.."

You interrupted him. "Youre what?! Sorry?! No, sorrys not going to cut it anymore!"

"No I was going to say..."

"Dean Ive tried countless times to get you to stop drinking but no! You have to have your precious alcohol!"

"Y/n listen."

"No you listen if your not going to stop drinking then im leaving! Im going solo! I cant watch you kill yourself anymore! I tried to help you but you wouldnt change si guess what now Im gone! When we get to the motel im oacking my things and leaving. And try to lose my number too will you. Im doone helping you and if you die drinking well then boo hoo you deserve it!" Dean shut up quick after you said that. He wasnt expecting that this is how the car ride back would turn out. He honestly didnt know you didnt know he was sober. How could you not notice. Its not like you soent everyday with him and its not like he and Sam tried to keep it a secret. AND FOR GODS SAKE ITS BEEN EIGHT FUCKING WEEKS. How could you not notice he hasnt had a drink for eight fucking weeks.

~

Once you arrived both of you got out of baby as fast as you could and stormed to your rooms.

Dean burst through the door and went imediatly to the mini fridge. Sam was at the table on his computer. he looked up and notice Dean had a beer in his hands.

"Dean what the hell are you doing?!"

Dean downed have the bottled without a breath. "Screw you."

Sam ran over and tried to take the bottle. "Dean your eight weeks sober. Dont throw it away now."

"Too late." He gulped down the rest of it and grabbed another one.

"Whats gotten into you this morning you said you didnt even crave it anymore now you drinking it like you never stopped."

"I said a stupid joke and now Y/ns leaving." He said inbetween gulps.

"What?"

"I love her Sam I cant let her go." He was already on his third beer.

"Then what are you doing here then go tell her that and maybe she wont go."

Dean was already out the door before Sam finished.

~

You were almost done pacing your things when Dean burst through the door.

"Im leaving Dean and theres nothing you can do about it." He was swaying a little bit you knew hed been drinking.

He walked into the briskly right for you. The dtermination on his scared you a little bit especially since you knew it was mixed with alcohol. He grabbed you by the shoulders and pinned you up against the wall. He gave you a hard passionate kiss that tasted like beer.

"I fucking love you cant you see that!" He yelled at you.

"Tell me that when you sober!"

"Thats the thing Y/n Ive been sober. I would have beem eight weeks sober today. I was sober for you. the whole reason i even thought about it was becase I love you too much to let you down. But then you had to go off and decide to leave because you thought I was going to have a beer after the job. It was a joke Y/n. It was literally a fucking joke. I audibly laughed to myself to indicate it was a joke but then you had to go and take it seriously. And because im so inlove with you i spirled because you said you were leaving and I fell off the wagon and had a couple beers. Im heartbroken because i did it for you."

You were surprised. You honestly hadnt noticed Dean hadnt been drinking. "Im sorry I didnt know. I didnt notice." You said quietly. You felt like an idiot.

"Hell yeah you didnt notice! But now I guess you leaving and Im back to drinking."

A tear rolled down you cheek. You grabbed his face kissed him hard. He kissed you back so much so your head slammed against the wall. You could tell he meant it. you could tell by his kiss that he loved you.

"Im not going anywhere." You said once you parted.

"Good because I dont know what I would do without you."

[arysafics]

Now I’m Addicted

Chapter Eight

Normally, Clarke really looks forward to getting away to the beach for a weekend, just her and Wells. This year, the thought makes her queasy.

Clarke had been partly relieved to move make home with Wells. Living in a hotel had kind of sucked, and living alone was even worse. She still doesn’t know if she made the right decision. But she promised him she’d try, so she’s going to try.

And yes, it’s Bellamy she really wants, and not Wells. But she can’t have Bellamy. Bellamy doesn’t want her, and Wells does. So maybe she’s settling for second best, but it’s better than being alone for the rest of her life.

Despite her best intentions, and the fact that she really is trying, she’s not ready to go away with Wells alone. She’s worried the trip will just magnify all the holes in their relationship, before they’ve had a chance to really fix them. She doesn’t want to cancel the trip completely, so she suggests inviting a few other people to join them. Wells agrees surprisingly easily. Actually, he’s been very accommodating the past couple of weeks, almost like he’s walking on eggshells around her, afraid she’ll up and run again. But the truth is he doesn’t really have anything to worry about. Now that Clarke knows she has no shot with Bellamy, she has no reason to leave him. She wishes there was some way to prove that to him, so they can get start getting back to normal.

The beach house is huge, and Clarke thinks it’s probably worth a hell of a lot of money if Wells ever decides to sell it. Thelonius Jaha had left most of his money to charity when he died, but he left Wells the beach house. Not to sound selfish, but if Clarke’s mom does that, she’s going to be super pissed.

Clarke invites Octavia and Raven, and they both decide they’re bringing their partners. Monty and Harper can’t make it, and Jasper and Miller don’t want to hang around a bunch of couples for the whole weekend. So Clarke figures it’s going to be six people in the five bedroom house, with each couple getting their own bathroom. She’s actually looking forward to it.

But then she gets a call from Bellamy. She’s on the train home from work, and she almost drops her phone when she sees his name pop up. She dithers for a moment, her heart pounding, before she finally decides to answer.

“Hi,” she says, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Clarke,” he says, and the sound of her name on his tongue makes her knees go weak.

“What’s up?” she asks him. He’s obviously calling for a reason. And that reason is probably not to tell her how madly in love with her he is, however many times she’s envisioned that scenario in her mind’s eye.

“Uh, well…” he starts. “Octavia asked me if I wanted to come to the beach with you guys this weekend.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, I figured I should check if it was okay with you first.”

“You really want to come?” Clarke asks. She kind of figured he was avoiding her.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” Bellamy says. “I could really do with a vacation,” he laughs. Clarke squeezes her eyes shut, her stomach twisting at the familiar sound of his laugh. How had she not figured out sooner that she was in love with him?

“Of course it’s fine,” Clarke says, because why wouldn’t it be? They aren’t sleeping together anymore, so they don’t have to worry about Wells. As far as either of them are concerned, they’re just distant friends. Or acquaintances maybe.

“Great,” Bellamy says. “Is it okay if I bring someone?”

Clarke hesitates, probably too long. “Sure,” she says quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed her hesitation. No, she doesn’t want him to bring his girlfriend, and no, she doesn’t want to think about what it means that he’s only been dating Echo barely a month and yet he’s bringing her on a weekend away with all their friends.

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you Friday.”

“Okay,” Clarke swallows. “See you then.”

  The prospect of seeing Bellamy scares Clarke to death. She hasn’t seen him since A: she realised she was in love with him, and B: he broke her fucking heart. So yeah, she’s a little nervous to say the least.  

Wells doesn’t seem to notice, though she’s mostly silent on the drive to the beach house. Or perhaps he’s just letting her have her space. Either way, she’s glad he’s not questioning her about it. There’s only so many times a person can use the excuse I’m just tired before it starts to seem like a lie.

Clarke and Wells get there first and claim the master bedroom. Clarke unpacks her suitcase into the wardrobe, to keep herself busy. The task doesn’t really keep her mind off Bellamy though, and she keeps listening for a car in the driveway, her heart pounding rapidly.

Octavia, Niylah, Raven, and Shaw arrive together, and Clarke finally has a suitable distraction from her thoughts, as she’d introduced properly to Niylah for the first time, and Raven and Octavia start telling a story about The Worst Driver in the World they encountered on their way here.

She’s so caught up in Octavia’s theatrics, she doesn’t even notice at first when Bellamy and Echo walk in the front door. That is until Octavia cuts herself off midsentence to greet her brother.

“Hey, you made it!” she says, walking over and giving him a hug. Clarke freezes, her heart suddenly lodged in her throat. Bellamy’s eyes seem to scan over the group until they land on Clarke. She smiles weakly, feeling like a nervous wreck. Fucking hell, he looks so good. And if in the back of her mind she’d harboured some doubt about whether or not she’s actually in love with him, that vanishes when he smiles back at her, and her heart squeezes itself so tight she can’t breathe. Not only that, but he pussy starts to throb, as if it can sense he’s close. Yeah, letting him come here was a huge mistake.

“Bellamy,” Wells says, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

Oops. She may have forgotten to tell Wells. Or rather, purposefully not told him because it was too hard to even say Bellamy’s name out loud.

“I did ask Clarke if it was okay,” he mentions.

“He did,” Clarke manages, finding her voice. “I guess I forgot to tell you.”

“All good, I guess. You’re here now. And who is this?” Wells nods to the tall brunette standing next to Bellamy. Clarke hates her on sight. With one glance at Octavia, Clarke can tell she isn’t impressed with the arrival of Echo either.

“Ah, this is my girlfriend, Echo,” Bellamy introduces. “Echo, this is… everyone.”

Hearing Bellamy call Echo his girlfriend sends a dagger through Clarke’s heart. And it’s not like she hadn’t known she was his girlfriend. But hearing him actually say it out loud is something else entirely.

“Girlfriend, huh, Blake?” Raven teases. “Seems like someone is finally settling down.”

Bellamy rolls his eyes. “Give it a rest, Raven. We’ve only been dating a month.”

“Only a month and she’s already your girlfriend though,” Raven continues. She turns to Echo. “I guess you’re the one to finally tame the wild beast,” she winks.

Echo smirks. “We’ll see,” she says, glancing at Bellamy flirtatiously. Bellamy looks a little uncomfortable by the whole exchange. Clarke wants to throw up.

“Who wants alcohol?” she announces, heading for the kitchen where Wells had stocked the fridge with beer and cider earlier.

They all end up in the outdoor area out the back of the house, drinks in hand and an array of finger foods on the table in front of them. Echo is sitting in Bellamy’s lap, playing with his hair, laughing too hard at his jokes. Clarke tries to keep her eyes averted, but she burns with jealousy. She wants to be the one sitting in his lap and playing with his hair, feeling his hard cock pressing into her, teasing him until he can’t think straight. She also wants to kick Echo in the face. Instead, she tightens her grip on her bottle of cider and snuggles into Wells’ side. It’s not because she’s trying to make Bellamy jealous. She’s not dumb enough to think he would even care. But she doesn’t want him to know how much she’s affected by his new relationship. So she’s a little more affectionate with Wells than she normally is. The alcohol probably helps.

“Who wants to play a drinking game?” Octavia asks.

“I’m in,” Raven says. “What are we playing?”

“You know, I think I’m a little old for drinking games,” Bellamy grimaces. He looks to Echo. “You want to go to bed?”

“You know I do,” Echo says, leaning in to kiss him.

“Gross,” Octavia says, voicing Clarke’s thoughts for her. “We won’t miss you.”

“Hey, you invited me,” Bellamy reminds her as he and Echo stand up. Clarke watches them head inside, hand in hand. To her surprise, Bellamy glances back for a moment and meets her eyes. She quickly looks away, pressing a kiss to Wells’ cheek. Overcompensating maybe. When she looks back to Bellamy, he’s gone.

“Clarke? Wells? You want to play?” Octavia asks.

“I actually think maybe we should go to bed too,” Clarke says. Somehow the thought of Bellamy and Echo alone in their room is worse than actually being able to see them together, and Clarke feels totally sober all of a sudden.

“Sounds good to me,” Wells grins. “See you guys in the morning.”

“Party poopers!” Raven calls after them as they go back inside.

Despite what Wells might think, Clarke’s intentions are just to go straight to sleep. Only, once she’s in her pyjamas, and under the covers, she begins to hear… noises through the wall. More specifically, the sound of Echo moaning like a mad woman.

Clarke groans, putting her pillow over her face as Wells gets into bed beside her.

“God, I hope we don’t have to listen to that all night,” he says. “Surely he can’t be that good in bed?”

Clarke knows for a fact that he is that good. Although Echo does sound completely ridiculous moaning like that. Clarke likes to think her own moans are much sexier. She does realise that even though she can hear Echo quite clearly, she can’t really hear Bellamy at all. She takes some satisfaction in the notion that maybe he’s not having as much fun with Echo as he did with Clarke.

Clarke turns over on her side to face Wells. “Fuck me,” she commands him.

“Huh?”

“You heard me.”

“Are you actually turned on by that?” Wells snorts.

“I just think we can outdo them.”

“Clarke, you’re not that loud in bed. I don’t think you can outdo Echo,” Wells rolls his eyes. “You know, that name actually suits her come to think of it.”

Clarke snorts. As much as she’d like to hang shit on Echo and her ridiculous name for the rest of the night, what she really wants is to get fucked. “I can be loud,” Clarke tells him. “Watch me.”

Wells doesn’t need to be told twice. And okay, pretty much all of Clarke’s noises are fake. But she’s pretty sure a lot of Echo’s are too. Sure, Bellamy is great in bed, but Echo sounds like she’s literally being murdered in the next room.

Clarke pretends to come when Wells comes, but even then, they can still hear Echo through the walls.

“How are they still going?” Wells asks incredulously. Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Let’s just go to sleep now, okay?” she huffs. She squeezes her eyes shut tight and tries to drown out the sounds of Echo.

  Clarke is awake early the next morning, long before anyone else will be up. Wells is still snoring softly next to her. It’s already warming up outside, and Clarke decides to take advantage of the solitude and go for a walk along the beach. She dresses in a pair of short shorts and a tank top and heads downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before she goes.

As she fills her glass at the sink, she looks out the kitchen window to see Bellamy lounging in the hammock on the front porch, reading, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts that Clarke swears are almost as tiny as her own. God, he’s so fucking sexy.

She lets herself watch him, his brow furrowed in concentration as he reads. She smiles to herself, her heart soft for him. So he has a girlfriend. She can still be in love with him and be his friend, right? It’s totally possible.

She puts down her glass and walks out onto the front porch. Bellamy looks up as the door slams behind her. He sits up, closing his book. His eyes rake over her body, lingering on her tits. She feels her clit twinge. So it’s not that he’s not attracted to her then.

“Hey,” she says. “I’m just going for a walk along the beach. Do you want to come?”

Bellamy considers. “Yeah, okay,” he agrees. He swings himself off the hammock, more gracefully than what Clarke would ever be able to manage, and follows her down the front steps.

They walk in silence towards the beach, Clarke with her hands in her back pockets for lack of something better to do with them. Because what she really wants to do is slip her hand into his. Or maybe just grab his face and kiss him.

It’s a five-minute walk until they reach the ocean, and it’s cooler out in the open air, and a little windy. The breeze blows through Bellamy’s already tousled locks, making him look like he’s in a beach themed photoshoot.

“So, uh, you and Echo, huh?” Clarke says. Why, she has no idea. She does not want to hear Bellamy gush about his girlfriend. “Seems like things are going well. If what I heard last night is anything to go by.”

Bellamy snorts. “You heard that, huh?”

“How could I not?”

“I will admit she’s a little over the top. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was faking it sometimes,” Bellamy admits.

“And how do you know better?”

Bellamy smirks. “Come on, Clarke. Don’t pretend like I didn’t make you come over and over and over.”

Clarke shivers. Fucking hell, does he have to make her want him so bad? “So we’re talking about that are we?”

Bellamy shrugs. “We don’t have to. How are things going with Wells, now that you’re…?”

“Back together?” Clarke finishes for him. Bellamy stops, staring at her. His jaw ticks.

“Back together?” he repeats. Clarke’s eyes widen as she realises what she’s said. “I was going to say monogamous.” Bellamy swallows. “You and Wells broke up? When? I mean… Octavia never said—”

“She doesn’t know,” Clarke says quickly. Her face burns. “I didn’t tell anyone. So please don’t mention it. No one knows.”

“Okay,” Bellamy nods. He seems unable to look at her now. They continue walking.

“It was right after… you ended things with me. And it was only for like a week. I guess I just wanted to see if being with Wells was what I really wanted,” Clarke shrugs.

Bellamy turns his head towards her sharply, his eyes piercing into her. “And it is, then?”

Clarke swallows. “Yes.”

An uncomfortable silence follows. Clarke isn’t sure why. All she knows is she’s completely on edge, half of her desperate to confess everything to him, the other half desperate to hold onto her pride. The prideful side of her wins out.

“You want to go swimming?” she says. Anything to break the silence.

“What?”

“The water looks so nice,” Clarke continues. She tilts her head at him, waiting to see if he’s coming.

“I think I’ll pass,” he says. Clarke shrugs, as if to say suit yourself, and then she pulls her tank top over her head and her shorts over her ass. She can feel him watching her strip down to her underwear, and she’s totally not doing this to get a reaction from him, but if it turns him on too then she’s not complaining.

She looks back over her shoulder as she heads towards the water. He’s still watching her. She can’t help a smirk from spreading across her face.

The water is freezing, but Clarke forces herself to wade in anyway. She reaches her waist then dives under the water. She breaks the surface again, gasping from the cold, flicking her hair out of her eyes. She stands up, the water just reaching her breasts.  

“Come on!” she yells to Bellamy. “It’s not cold, I swear!”

“You’re lying!” he yells back, but he’s very clearly smiling.

“Don’t be such a chicken!”

Bellamy shakes his head, laughing. But then he’s walking towards her and into the water.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bellamy swears as he gets deeper. “It’s fucking freezing, Clarke!”

“It’s not that bad!”

He dives under the water and surfaces half a metre from her. “You’re insane,” he tells her.

“Yet you followed me anyway.”

“You’re too persuasive.”

Clarke pokes her tongue out, and then splashes him. Bellamy raises an eyebrow, smirking.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, Griffin,” he challenges, stepping towards her.

“Oh, what are you going to do?” she teases. He lunges for her and she turns away, trying to escape his grasp half-heartedly, but he grabs her around the waist, pulling her back flush against his chest.

“No, don’t!” she squeals, laughing.

“Do you surrender?” he asks, lips against her ear. Clarke squirms, trying not to think about his wet skin against hers. But it feels like he’s touching her everywhere, and her head swims and her cunt pulses with need. She wonders if he’s hard right now, but she doesn’t dare make a move to find out.

“I surrender,” she tells him, and he lets her go. She turns around, but she doesn’t put any distance between them. His eyes flick to her lips and she wills him to kiss her.

“Clarke,” he says hoarsely. “I really want to kiss you.”

“So kiss me,” she murmurs.

Bellamy shakes his head. “I have a girlfriend, Clarke. I’m not going to cheat on her.” Right, Echo. “We should head back,” Bellamy sighs, stepping away from her. Disappointed, but knowing it’s better this way, Clarke follows him back up to the sand. She grabs her clothes from the ground but doesn’t put them back on yet.

“We should wash the salt and sand off before we go,” Clarke says, nodding her head towards the public bathroom by the carpark. There’s an outdoor shower around the side of the brick building. Clarke gets under first, and the water is cold but not as cold as the ocean. She closes her eyes to let the water fall over her face, and opens them to find Bellamy looking at her strangely.

“What?” she asks.

“You know your underwear is totally see-through right now, right?”

Clarke had not known, but when she looks down now, she can see that he’s right. The white material of her bra and panties clings to her, the water having turned them so transparent it’s like she isn’t wearing anything at all.

“Oh,” she says. “You’re right.” She looks back up at him. “You waited a long time to tell me that,” she points out. He must have noticed as soon as they got out of the water. And he definitely hasn’t been not looking at her.

Bellamy flushes. “Clarke—”

“I guess there’s no point in wearing them at all then,” Clarke shrugs. She reaches behind her to unclasp her bra and lets it fall from her chest. Then she peels off her panties and throws them to the side where her shorts and tank top sit.

“Fucking hell, Clarke,” Bellamy groans, shaking his head.

“We’re wasting water,” Clarke says, she reaches out and grabs his arm, tugging him into the shower with her. He’s stronger than her, he could resist easily, if he wanted to. He doesn’t.

He doesn’t move to touch her, but he’s so close that her nipples brush his chest, and he’s looking down at her with dark eyes, filled with want.

“Why are you like this?” he asks. Is that an insult or a compliment?

“Like what?”

“Irresistible,” he murmurs. His hands come to rest of her waist, and then he leans down, capturing her lips between his. Clarke whimpers as she closes her eyes, her arms circling around his neck. The water shuts off automatically, but Clarke barely notices. Bellamy presses her against the brick wall behind her, crushing her tits against his chest. He’s kissing her like his life depends on it, desperate and messy, like he’s trying to remind her she’s alive. She’d almost forgotten what it’s like to be kissed by him, and now that she remembers she doesn’t ever want him to stop again. She needs him to remind her how it feels to be fucked, really fucked. She wants him to fill her throbbing cunt with his cock, and come with him deep inside her.

“Bell, fuck me,” she moans. “I need you, I need you.”

“You need me, huh?” he says. “You need your pussy filled? You need my cock inside you?”

“Yes. Please. Please.”

“Of course you do, baby,” he murmurs, slipping a hand between her legs. “Bet you missed being fucked properly, didn’t you?”

“Uh huh,” Clarke nods as Bellamy plays with her clit. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed me? Or missed my cock?” He pushes two fingers inside her and she gasps.

“Both,” she moans. She tugs at his shorts, and he helps her pull them down to free his cock. “Oh god,” she groans. “I forgot how big it is. I need it inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know,” Bellamy coos. He kisses her again, gripping her ass, hoisting her up so she can wrap her legs around him.  He presses the bulging head of his cock against her entrance, and then he’s pushing inside her, stretching her pussy good and wide. Clarke almost comes right then.

Her back is against the bricks, and she clutches his back as he thrusts into her.

“Yes,” she gasps. “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me, fuck me.”

Bellamy moans and the sound sends shockwaves through her. He drives into her over and over, the pressure building inside her. She needs to come so bad, and she’s right there on the edge. I love you, she thinks. I love you, I love you. And it would be so easy to let it slip off her tongue right now, in this moment of bliss. But instead she just cries his name as she comes, her walls clenching around him as she comes all over his cock.

“Come inside me,” Clarke moans as he continues fucking her against the wall. “I need your come in me.”

“Anything you want,” Bellamy groans, letting his seed spill inside her, filling her up with his come. It leaks out of her as he pulls his cock out of her and lets her back onto the ground. Bellamy steps back, pulling his shorts back up, not bothering to clean himself up. She wonders if he’s feeling guilty. He grabs her clothes and hands them to her, and Clarke quickly puts her wet underwear back on and then her shorts and top. Bellamy looks away, as if he hadn’t just had his hands all over her naked body.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Bellamy nods.

“What about Echo?”

Bellamy considers. “She doesn’t have to know.”

[freyjaiam]

Part of ‘Frey’s 12 Days of Ficmas’

03: Peraltiago: The Battle of Turkeys

Holidays were always chaotic for Amy. She just wanted them to be perfect. She always made a plan and did her best to stick with it so that there was no discord. If one thing went wrong it rocked her. She did her best to keep it cool, her friends and husband always there to try and ease her nerves in a way her parents never could when she was younger. However, being married to Jake was a new pressure she hadn’t dealt with before. Her husband didn’t have many fond memories of any holiday. She wanted to change that. Which was why she was up at four in the morning opening her binder to start the day. She had many pieces of the puzzle already in play.

Gifts?

Wrapped and under the tree her and Jake decorated on December first. Half of Jake’s were decoys because she knew he was impatient and did his best to guess what she’d gotten him by shaking and “accidentally” opening gifts. Socks, underwear, and other random things were under that tree. His real gifts were safely stashed with Rosa, who would be bringing them at dinner. Save for the one gift she still had to pick up before the dinner started.

The table?

Already set. She’d been up until midnight making sure it was perfect. She’d researched many websites, magazines, and even watched some daytime television to get these ideas. Her colors were traditional. The plates each had a little sheer giftbag coordinated with the person assigned to that seat. Gina had promised her that she’d get the flowers for her centerpiece, but since Amy knew Gina liked to sabotage her due to thinking it was funny she also bought extra flowers which she had in the fridge to keep them as fresh as possible.

Alcohol?

Alcohol is a must for parties. Especially with the precinct. Jake’s parents were also coming. Not Amy’s. They decided to visit her brother this year. Her and Jake had bought some and everyone else attending said they would bring something as well. Needless to say it wasn’t going to be a dry party.

Food?

Amy had a slight fight with Charles about the food. She knew she wasn’t a great cook. Despite her promise to always follow the recipe, and despite Charles having gone to the store with her to make sure she had all the ingredients for everything she said she wanted to make, he still insisted on coming to help cook. All Amy could think about was the food truck fiasco where both her and Gina quit because they weren’t cutting the bread right. She didn’t want a hospital visit this holiday, and she knew if Charles was in the kitchen with her she’d probably stab him in the face with her best kitchen knife. So they eventually agreed to split the side dishes in half. She would be in charge of the potatoes, gravy, and green bean casserole. They argued over the turkey. He finally relented but she knew that sneaky sonuvabitch  was making his own turkey to bring here. She just knew it. The little attention whore was probably hoping she’d fail so that he could take the credit for—

“Okay, Amy, focus,” she said outloud with a shake of her head. “You got this. Just…” She checked her watch. “Just under ten hours until people start to show up.”

She went to the fridge to pull out the turkey that she’d taken out of the freezer and—

“Oh… Oh no…” She set it on the counter and it thunked. “WHY ARE YOU STILL FROZEN?!”

.

.

.

“JAKE!” Jake bolted up from bed. His heart was racing and his hand went over it as he looked at his wife. He instantly knew something was wrong due to the wild look on her face. Well that and the giant nicotine patch he saw on her forehead. He hadn’t seen that since their wedding. “We have an emergency!”

“You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“We have more important things to worry about than your heart, Jake!”

“Ouch. Okay. Hurtful. But okay.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just really freaking out, because I already messed up this morning. Jake, the turkey is frozen. Frozen! There is no way I’m going to get it thawed out, in the oven, and ready in time for dinner.”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know, put it in the oven to thaw out?”

“No Jake, that is how you get raw turkey in the middle and dry and burnt turkey on the outside. I’m a disaster in the kitchen but even I know that! I need your help!”

“Okay,” he crawled out of bed and walked to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “Breathe Amy. We got this. We’re a team, now, remember?”

“Yeah.” She took a calming breath. “Jake, what are we going to do?”

“I’ll put on some pants and find us a turkey. Shouldn’t be too hard since its still early. Right? I mean, corporate America cares more about making the extra dollar now than taking a holiday off for their employees so… I’m sure I’ll find something.”

“Thanks. I’ll start the other stuff but… Please hurry.”

Jake slipped on a shirt, shrugged on his jacket, and found his wallet and keys. On his way out the door he didn’t ask once about the turkey wedged in the microwave that was destroyed due to the door being on the kitchen floor. He just hoped to God he found a turkey before it was more than just the microwave receiving a beating from Amy today.

.

.

.

“Jake? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nooooooooooooo—-Hey Charles!” Jake spun around to see his best friend. “Just picking up a few things we forgot.”

“Really? But I went shopping with Amy the other day. She should have everything.” Jake hated the almost gleeful look that came upon his best friend’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” insisted Jake.

“Then why are you here?”

“I told you-”

“No, nope, not buying it,” said Charles, hands on his hips. He was practically bouncing on the heels of his shoes. “Something is up. I can smell it.”

“Well… Get your nose checked. Because we’re fine!” Jake then decided to flip the tables. “Why are you here?”

“Amy said I could make a dessert so I’m making pecan pie. All the extra hours we got this week I couldn’t make the trip until now…”

Jake’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you went shopping with Amy this week?”

“I did.”

And there it was. The small hiccup. The slight catch of breath, the way Charles slightly adjusted his brown tie, something was up with him. Jake didn’t know what it was, but he was the best damn detective in the city, so he was going to sniff it out.

“Oh? Then why are you here? If you went shopping with Amy then you should have everything you need as well. So, Boyle, why are you really here?”

They stood, face to face, waiting for the other to break. They stood like that for a good minute before Charles cleared his throat and backed off. They silently regarded one another and then separated. Jake sighed a sigh of relief when Charles exited into the pasta aisle. He then made his move. He went down the cookie aisle, knowing Charles would be following him. He knew his friend, and he knew he’d be watching. He took a sharp left down the the dairy aisle, apologizing to the woman whose cart he ran into when he was too busy looking to see where Charles was. Little did Jake know, Charles was doing the same thing, and they both froze in slight surprise when they met again near the turkeys.

“Aha! I knew it! Something is wrong! She messed up the turkey already, hasn’t she?!”

“What? No! I’m just…”

“Oh save it, Jake. I know you’re covering for her.”

“Okay, then why are you here?” Jake raised an accusatory finger at Charles. “You’re here for turkey, too. Aren’t you? You promised me you wouldn’t interfere with Amy’s turkey!”

“My toes were crossed, Jake, no promise was made!”

“Dammit. I forgot about your freakishly long toes,” muttered Jake. “Rookie mistake. Next time I make a promise with you the shoes come off, Buddy!”

“Admit defeat, Jake. I’m going to make the best turkey, and you can’t stop me,” said Charles, showing his ugly side, but Jake could get ugly, too. “I knew she couldn’t do it. I was going to just let the chips fall where they may but decided that swooping in with the better turkey would be better.”

“You know what?” Jake grabbed a turkey. It was perfect. And not frozen at all. “There will be no swooping today! Amy and I are going to make the best turkey. Better than any dry piece of meat you’ll have to offer!”

Charles gasped, then snagged his own turkey. “All have you know my turkey is moist and delicious and it will beat the pants off of your turkey! So bring it, Bitch!”

Challenge accepted.

Merry freaking Christmas.

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.

.

“Amy! Amy we need to…” It was quiet. Too quiet. Jake locked the door and timidly made his way to the kitchen, hoping she was ok. Amy wasn’t there. There was a pile of potatoes, half peeled and half not. There was also a bag of green beans on the counter. He set the turkey in the sink because he remembered something about a turkey needing to be in the sink from his mother. It was now eight in the morning. They had six hours. They needed to get this bird in the oven. “Ames? Where are you?”

It was then he realized she wasn’t there. He pulled out his phone and texted her that he was home with the turkey. He saw her start to reply, but no message was sent. Did she not trust him to do it? Had she thought he’d fail at getting them a turkey? The thought hurt a little, but he couldn’t let it get to him. Not yet.

Because he had to beat Charles.

How hard could it be to make a turkey?

He removed the plastic and only puked one when pulling out all the guts from the ass of the turkey. Thankfully he made it to the trash can. He threw the guts over his vomit and then took out the trash to remove the evidence of him yaking in the bin. Twenty minutes later he heard the jangling of keys in the door right after he finished cramming stuffing back up the ass he’d just pulled guts out of.  He was washing his hands and talking as he heard someone approaching him from behind.

“Amy, not cool, where have you-” He turned around and the woman in front of him wasn’t Amy. She had long, brunette hair, blue eyes, and was smiling nervously while wringing her hands before placing them in the back pockets of her jeans. “You aren’t Amy.”

“Jake…” Amy stepped into the kitchen. She had an easygoing smile as she approached him. She took his hand then tugged him forward a little closer to the mystery woman. “Jake this is Victoria. Your half-sister.”

“My…” He looked her over once more. She had Dad’s nose. “Oh.”

“Um… Surprise?” said Victoria before letting out a nervous laugh.

“Um, yeah… Hi!” Jake eagerly opened his arms for a hug and she gave him one. She was tense at first but relaxed slightly before he pulled away. “Victoria, huh?”

“Vicki, please, only my mother calls me Victoria and usually that’s when I did something pretty bad,” she said with a laugh.

“Right. Right. So, where are you from?”

“Minneapolis, Minnesota originally but currently living in Fargo, North Dakota.”

“Oh, you don’t sound like—”

“Yeah, trust me, not everyone from there talks like the people from the movie,” she said with a laugh. “Everyone from that town hates that damn movie.”

“Right,” said Jake, chancing a look to Amy, who loved that movie. She seemed unphased about it though. “Fargo sucks. I mean, if you want a good movie, then the one to watch is Die Hard, right?”

“Let me show you where to put your stuff while Jake processes,” said Amy, gesturing toward the hall that lead to the spare bedroom, shaking her head at Jake’s poor attempt to see if his sister liked the movie he loved. When she returned she wrapped her arms around Jake. “Hey… Doing okay?”

“How… When…”

“I kinda went over your notes, and babe we really have to work on your organizational skills, but I managed to track down Vicki with the help of your dad. Um, I didn’t give him a heads up about her being here today either. But she wanted to meet you. More than him. Um… She’s never met your dad so…”

“That’ll be interesting.”

“You’re okay with this?” she asked, her eyes searching his.

“What? Are you kidding me? I love it. I’m just surprised you kept the secret that long from everyone or that no one found out. Wait… Did you fake a turkey emergency to get me out of the apartment or…”

“Oh, no, the turkey is a disaster. I really did need a new one that wasn’t a solid brick of ice. But I see you got one, and started it, thanks Babe.”

“Yeah, about that…”

Jake filled in Amy about meeting Charles at the store. Suddenly, gone was the bubbly woman he loved and in her place was a demon ready to suck the soul out of Boyle’s body and place it into the fiery pits of hell.

“We need to destroy him,” she said flatly.

“Okay, but it’s Charles,” said Jake. “The guy can cook. And let’s be honest, the two of us can barely manage not burning a pizza in the oven.”

“Yeah, but we have a secret weapon,” said Amy with a grin.

“What is that?” asked Jake as Vicki entered the kitchen.

“Hey, Vicki, I was just telling Jake that you are part owner of a restaurant up in Fargo,” said Amy, giving Jake a slight nudge.

“Oh, really?” said Jake, a sneaky smiling on his face as he pressed his fingertips together.

“Okay. I’ve only known you both for a couple hours but I can see something is going on,” said Victoria. “What’s up?”

“Well…”

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.

.

Charles felt pretty damn smug. His turkey was perfect. Along with the cranberry sauce and desserts Amy asked him for after their little fight over cooking dinner. He also made some sweet potatoes, just to be safe. Oh, and some fresh rolls. He nodded to Rosa who had a sack full of gifts as well as some beer. The girl she was dating, the one she met on Jake and Amy’s wedding day, was with her parents instead. Their relationship being new Rosa had turned down the idea of meeting her parents on the holiday and instead decided to celebrate with her second family.

“Charles.”

“Hey Rosa! What’s with all the gifts?”

“None of your business.”

“Okay, okay…”

“What’s with all the food?” asked Rosa, nodding toward the bag. “I thought Amy was cooking.”

“We decided to split the cooking duties this year.”

“Uh huh… But wasn’t she making the turkey?”

“Well… I figured—”

“You went behind her back and made your own, didn’t you? Bad move Charles. Though I approve because it’ll be funny to see Amy annihilate you when you come in the door with it.”

“Trust me, you’ll thank me later,” said Charles as they got to the door. He knocked and it was Jake who answered. His face stern as he looked at Charles. “Hello, Jake.”

“Charles.”

“Ugh,” said Rosa, shouldering her way in with her stuff, avoiding the standoff at the door. She nodded to those who were there. When she noticed a new face she turned to Amy with a questioning look.

“That is Victoria,” said Amy, taking the bag of gifts. “Jake’s sister.”

“Holy crap,” said Rosa. “Well that’s a surprise.”

“Yeah, he thought so, too. Thanks for keeping his gifts. Glasses are in the kitchen for drinks.”

“Okay. Hey, just a heads up, Charles-”

“Oh, I know, Jake told me. Don’t worry. We have it handled.”

Rosa had to admit. It smelled damn good in the kitchen when she got her drink. She also noticed the perfectly cooked pies cooling on the counter top. She smirked at that, remembering Charles saying something about cooking the desserts. Rosa poured her drink and went into the living room to ready herself for the fireworks.

.

.

.

“Oh, Charles, sorry. I had no room for the turkey in the oven,” said Amy. “Your sweet potatoes went in there though. They fit just fine.”

“That’s ok, Amy, my turkey will be fine sitting out for the next couple minutes. Since it’s done and perfect. Oh, I saw the pies. Where did you buy them from?”

“I didn’t buy them,” said Amy with a smug grin. “They’re homemade.”

Charles scoffed at that. “Oh, please, no one here will believe that.”

“Ohhh, but it is the truth,” said Jake, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “They are homemade. My sister made them.”

“Kate?” asked Charles. “Well now no one will eat your food. There will probably be glass in it!”

“No, not Kate,” said a woman Charles didn’t know, hands on her hips and her eyebrow quirked. Charles instantly disliked her. “Me.”

“Charles, I’d like for you to meet my sister Vicki. She is a co-owner to a wonderful little restaurant and OUR FOOD IS GOING TO WIN! In your face!”

“Oh, bring it, Jake. My palette is superior in every way. I’m going to wipe the floor with you!” Charles then quickly shifted gears. Because since she was Jake’s sister he totally loved her already. “My name is Charles, I’m Jake’s best friend, it’s really nice to meet you by the way–-Now get ready to suck it!”

“Wow,” said Vicki as Charles marched out of the kitchen area. “He’s… A lot.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s very intense. Maybe a little insane. But he’s my partner and best friend aside from Amy and means a lot to me so hopefully we can get along after all this.”

“Who cares. I just want to win,” said Amy, taking another drink for herself before announcing that dinner was ready.

Jake’s dad had cancelled. Which was fine with Amy but heartbreaking for Jake so she supported him with a half hug. Vicki wasn’t too sad about the dad she never met not showing. Surprisingly she got along really well with Jake’s mother and Kevin, the both of them very curious about her business at home. When it came time to carve the turkeys Amy and Charles faced off at opposite ends of the table. Everyone got a helping of each turkey. From the looks of it Amy and Vicki’s looked better. But looks weren’t everything. They took their seats. Amy cut her toast in half so that the eating could start, and then she just watched. Everyone seemed happy with all the food and that made her feel better by a lot. The turkey was what mattered the most. Charles tried to say she cheated by not making it. Vicki intervened by saying she never touched the turkey and only gave guidance while making the pies.

That had shut him up.

“Okay, you have to settle this for us, who had the better turkey?”

“Must we really?” Kevin sighed before sharing a look with Vicki. “I must warn you. This group of individuals are always involved in some inane quarrel about who is better at what.”

“Competition is healthy, Kevin, and I must say that Santiago had the best turkey,” said Raymond Holt. “Properly cooked. Properly seasoned.”

“Hah, suck it Charles!” sneered Amy.

“I pick Charles,” said Gina.

“Oh you would,” scoffed Amy. “Just like I knew you wouldn’t bring the flowers.”

“Get off my back, Amy, damn!” said Gina before grabbing her wine.

They all went around the table. It was close. Charles was ahead by two before they got to the last of the guests. Rosa picked Amy as did Jake’s mom, which rocked Charles because apparently he’d been trying to butter her up all night. The final vote came to Kevin and everyone looked at him expectantly. He sighed, finally relenting, placing his cutlery down before pondering his decision.

“I’m with Raymond. Amy had the better dish.”

“YES!” Amy cheered before standing up and starting her celebration dance.

“NOOOOOOOO!” shouted Charles at the same time, hands slamming on the table and rattling everything on it.

“Hey, can we get some pie now?” asked Scully.

“We saw the pies cooling on the counter and if you make us wait any longer we may just burn the place down,” said Hitchcock.

“This is the best Christmas ever,” said Rosa, laughing at Charles losing it once more when his pie was bypassed in favor of Vicki’s when he tried to say his pies would be better than hers—then losing tremendously.

.

.

.

Everyone was gone. Vicki was in the guest room getting ready for bed. Amy was putting the last of the dishes away when two arms wrapped around her middle. She smiled, hands settling over his as he hugged her tightly.

“Can I say this was probably the best Christmas I ever had. Meeting Victoria at the top of the list and then beating Charles in the Battle of Turkeys. Also, present decoys? Nioce.”

“I’m glad you’re happy,” she said turning in his embrace so that she could wrap her arms around him fully. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t show.”

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

“Hey-oh. Sorry,” said Vicki, who’d come into the kitchen. “I’ll come back.”

“No, no, we’re cool. What’s up?” asked Amy.

“Well I’m not quite tired yet since it’s only nine where I’m from. I was going to ask if you all wanted to watch a movie or something.”

“We… We could watch Die Hard,” said Jake almost breathlessly.

“Oh, yeah. That’d be good. I like that movie.” said Vicki. “Just let me take my contacts out!”

“Oh my God I love her,” said Jake as she left, making Amy laugh. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers for a quick yet satisfying kiss. “I love you, Ames. Merry Christmas.”

“I love you, too. Merry Christmas.”

END

[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[lunariaans]

Reasons why I love the forbidden ship: (1)both characters are two faves of mine (2)matching color schemes (love that blue n gold combo) (3) the good girl falls in love with bad guy trope (4)that height difference gets me WEAK (5)both have a Tragic Backstory™ with Silk n her abandonment issue n Python with his broken,unhappy childhood which leads to him drinking/afraid of emotional connection (6)this ship is just oozing with so much angst n thats my kind of shit ahssjdhrkdnfk

HELLO???????????????/ THESE ARE LITERALLY EVERY REASON WHY I LIKE IT LSKJDKJDFKJDKFJ 

sO. MINI RANT/ME BEING A DUMBASS BELOW THE CUT

every time i think surface level about forbidden ship my monkey brain automatically goes to the blue color scheme LMAO. when im coloring…. there’s so much blue sometimes jsdflkdj im pretty sure one day ill hate the color (HER HAIR FIRST. CLOSET TO GREEN IN THE SPECTRUM. THEN HIS UGLY ASS HAIR, TOP PART THE SAME HUE/RANGE AS HERS BUT JUST MOVED FROM CLOSER TO GREEN TO CLOSER TO TRUE BLUE I THINK ABOUT THIS IN MY SLEEP). the height difference is also good. if u go off that one post of all the characters lined up then he is like six feet tall and she like five feet two inches so the top of her head probably just barely reaches or hits his chin. amazing.

i also really like that….pure innocent/vulgar probably shouldn’t hang around him trope….just my honest onion but….i think its a good trope sdlfkj. just The fact that she seems so nice and formal and he seems like he says the word fuck regularly is just. so appealing. the girl thats like. the fe equivalent of a nun? hanging out with a shithead like that??? love that concept just so much. BUT ALSO THEIR BOTH CANON GOSSIPS SO THEY LIKE. HAVE THAT IN COMMON. IMAGINE THE SUPPORTS THEY COULDVE HAD.

and the possible abandonment issues/python’s own shit….they both have problems that stem from childhood so like. that’s something they COULD have in common but dumbass python would probably be. really tough to get to open up about that kind of stuff (UNLESS HE’’S DRUNK BUT. ITS LIKE THATS THE PROBLEM…tbh im actually surprised he doesnt become an alcoholic in his forsyth dies ending like gray did jdkljsjklfsdjkldsfjkl) silque would probably open up to him easily because he just seems like someone that u could tell whatever too and he wouldnt…really care but like in a good way? he’d just have. a hard time revealing any of that baggage to her tho i think, its just not as easy for him which its like. maybe she doesnt want a serious relationship because of her abandoment issues but why woudlnt python?? is he scared he’ll scare someone off or??? become like his father with the drinking??? there’s so many things that couldve happened in his childhood that would deter him from thinking true love is a real thing (HIS LUKAS SUPPORTS!!! WHAT TF WHY DOESNT HE BELIEVE IN LOVE???? WHY DOES HE THINK ITS NOT FOR HIM!?!??! like obviously we dont need clive levels of infatuation from him but…NOTHING? he obviously has SOME interest in girls from those same supports bUT. I DIGRESS.)

silque SEEMS like she’d be super understanding and what not but i think she’d also be just a little frustrated if it takes a real long time to actually KNOW anything about him, especially if she’s laying herself bare like that to him. she acts real mature in game and had to grow up real fast because of everything but she’s literally only 19 years old so i think that. she still has some childish things to her, and probably even wishes that she could actually HAVE a childhood, and i think that “childish” (and im using quotes because its literally not childish to want friends but) side comes out in the faye support because of her persistance to be her friend, the want to gossip, etc. but its especially frustrating for her if like she ever actually developed feelings for him because i HIGHLY DOUBT she ever had an opportunity to have any little crushes while at the priory (THE ONLY GUYS WE SEE THERE ARE OLD ONES LIKE NOMAH AND KIDS LIKE BOEY WHO IS LIKE. 16. she’d mother him before anything elseLMAO).

AS FOR THE ANSGT THO….THERE IS THE POTENTIAL THERE….to me, python seems flighty, like he would rather not be tied down to any one thing or person so. long term relationships are out the window for him. and silque, i think her devotion to mila would come first before anything and anyone else (MARRIED TO G O D) tho i guess. after the war, with both the gods sealed away that maybe she would consider it? but considering her canon ending, its like. everyone else comes before herself. she’s extremely selfless in that aspect. python is the opposite, very selfish in his motives (self preservation, doing the bare minimum, etc). both of their canon endings seem like something they have to do for themselves tho so its like. if they did end up together, who leaves what they were doing? 

and because of silque growing up in a religious setting (which when im thinking of the lore for that i associate things with catholicism) it’d probably be kinda. awkward for her to do anything intimate because that’s just so far out of her element, and depending on WHAT exactly is in mila’s teachings, could even be against things she was taught (WHICH. THERE IS SOME SORT OF NEED FOR MODESTY IN CLERICS as they have the headdresses and the ones in mila’s temple have like. a full on wimple almost. im just gonna headcanon that genny is too young and is more like those nuns/clerics in training who havent taken vows yet so they dont have the full on nun gear yet. none of this applies to priestesses becuase they’re an entire different class tree tho and this is all headcanons anyways so it doesnt actually matter ajsdjjsdfkjsdjfjk LOL) and python. in the words of a japanese fic i read once “PYTHON IS NOT A VIRGIN” so its like. he is experienced in these things, has obvious interest in girls, he is lookin to B O N E and she aint jlkfsdsdkfkljdsfSDKJFKJDS

ANYWAYS THO they wouldn’t. work out in the end and that makes me sad. feelings would get hurt, but……a part of me does like to think of how it would be if they DID work out….. they’d keep it lowkey because forsyth would get too hyped and people like clair would be all up in their business about it….if they ever got married, theyd probably do it in secret and only tell people AFTER…..which they would only have to tell forsyth and everyone else would figure it out immediately…. THO EVEN IF HE SOMEHOW KEPT IT SECRET CLAIR WOULD BE ABLE TO FIGURE IT OUT JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM……but they wouldnt have kids i for real cant imagine that one LMFAOOO

ANYWAYS FOR REAL THIS TIME THANK U FOR SHARING UR THOUGHTS AND UR LOVE ON THE SHIP AND THANKS FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO RANT ABOUT THEM EVEN THO NO ONE ASKED AND IF U ACTUALLY READ THRU THIS THEN ILY!!!

[jokeson-u]

i feel like talking about myself bc i do better coping and thinking when i have to articulate my thoughts and i dont feel comfortable enough about this stuff with my therapist or friends so ill do it here where no one will care lmao

drug, sex, depression tw under the cut

i gotta lot of things to say. idk where to start. i guess freshman year of college cus it was shitty. i was in a community college living at home and transporting to school by train. i went to each class maybe like 3 or 4 times and then just stopped showing up and instead. for some reason. decided to spend my days riding the trains or sneaking home to smoke (weed, i dont smoke tobacco and ill get to that later. actually i can just say that now i dont like cigarettes bc my parents chose buying cigs and alcohol over feeding me and my sisters when we were kids. also why i dont drink.) so i dropped probably at least a solid $500 that semester on food and ubers (train was free with the student card) and weed (actually no i just took all my bud from my dad so). i was severely depressed and just dug myself further into that hole by not going to class because no way could i tell my parents. then i like ??? idk had this dude over my house and stuff happened and i felt rly shitty afterwards and didnt rly know how to tell anyone. then later later my ex bf texted me cus he was sad and i had visited him the month prior and we had sex and it was not good. like i felt safe with him, ive known him since i was 13 nd we’ve been friends since then too, but he was a shitty bf both times we dated (sophomore year and senior year) and like .. i dont regret sleeping with him, bc he is someone i trust despite or weird relationship to each other (like we text maybe once a month for a few mins to check in sometimes), but i also. idk. that was my first time and i think virginity is a social construct but at the same time i wish i had an enjoyable first time. like maybe i was ok with it then bc i was trying to overcompensate for my experience with that guy from earlier in the year and not feel so used bc i know my ex at least cared about me and he felt bad afterwards bc it obviously was weird but. idk. it was just a really horrible time like... i felt like i had no friends bc they all treated my shitty and where gone to school anyways. i had no one to talk to, or felt i didnt, and everytime i tried id get in trouble. like i felt so trapped and depressed and didnt know how to get out of it. i was in the negatives in my bank account and didnt know how to pay it all off. i was hanging out with/spending money on/smoking with people i didnt even like just so i wouldnt be alone. it was rly rly shitty and one of my lowest points. but at the end of the semester i told my mom the idea of going back to school made me miserable so i dropped out and started working for my cousin for a little bit. then i got really really sick and got diagnosed with crohns disease which sucked as it but then i spent my bday throwing up with a 103 fever and had to spend the following week in the hospital which also totally fucked me up bc i didnt eat for almost that whole week bc the staff wasnt giving me food i could eat despite me telling them over and over. plus it was during covid so i couldnt see anyone or have any physical contact and it was just horrible. but i couldnt smoke during my time in the hospital obviously so i had a tolerance break and it was kinda nice to smoke again after that but? i dont rly smoke much anymore, my friends are all gone, i have no space or time to anymore. my friend always says u cant be addicted to weed but that first semester i know it was a dependency issue and i was glad that im past that but sometimes i get worried i guess that im too dependent on stuff like. my carts (which techincally arent weed bc theyre delta 8 so its legal) and im spending way too much money on those now too and UGH i hate feeling like i cant control myself bc my parents addictions fucked me and my sisters up but this is different cus i dont have kids or ppl relying on me but it still scares me bc i dont even ever feel high anymore when i smoke (weed OR cart) but i do it anyways in hopes that ill feel SOMETHING again and its just a constant cycle. anyways then this year i started working part time and then full time which has been good. but now next month ill be out of the full time job and im stressed about that. ok thats all for now folks bye

[hopeslover]

a “should we know us a little better” tag 🌸

  RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

Tagged by @gamjin (thank you abby you angel!)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: aguepanela (so much i feel sick now)

2. Phone call: my mom to ask her to buy half a melon (and it wasnt even for me)

3. Text message: @yoongimor 💕 💕 💕

4. Song you listened to: acording to my phone is versace on the floor by bruno mars im rediscovering his last album

5. Time you cried: i dont remember but i bet it had something to do w bts those assholes

6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: definitely ❌ ❌

8. Been cheated on: no

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: i mean,

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i actually have a great alcohol tolerance i cant get drunk easily :/

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: orange/yellow, pink and brown

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes 😊 😊 😊   and im thankful for all 3 of them

16. Fallen out of love: im not even sure i’ve ever been in love. not ever

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah a few times

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah but its like the old woman from downstairs tirando bochinche so who cares

19. Met someone who changed you:probably

20. Found out who your friends are: you know what? i dont know, and i dont really care

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i dont have facebook do ppl still use that

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i used to have like 100 friends but bc people created like 10 accounts for some reason

23. Do you have any pets: the love of my life (my dog toby) and that one asshole who sleeps in my bed (my cat spencer)

24. Do you want to change your name: i really like my name, wouldnt change it for the world

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i dont remember much but i think i did what i always do, invited some friends and family and hope they gave me  💵 💵 💵 instead of gifts

26. What time did you wake up: at like 5:30 am damn

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: dead to the world

28. Name something you can’t wait for: this vacation bc my aunt is coming from the usa ❗️ ❗️ ❗️ ❗️

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: this morning

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i could have money to do what i want and also to help others (i just realised this makes me looks as if i only want money ajdsks) (i just want the resources so doing what i love wouldnt be as difficult)

31. What are you listening right now: blood sweat and tears by some group idk if yall have heard of it:/

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: not really

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: having to wait 6 months to get into college i dont know what am i going to do all this time

34. Most visited Website: tumblr someone save me

35. Mole/s: i actually dont know what the word really means hold on. update: like a fuckton???

36. Mark/s: i have a scar on my head bc there was a gigant ass balloon on my head as a small baby

37. Childhood dream: i really wanted to be a writer 📕 📗 📘 📙

38. Hair color: dark brown

39. Long or short hair: rlly short :)

40. Do you have a crush on someone:i mean im sure jung hoseok doesnt count but. jung hoseok

41. What do you like about yourself: god idk some things...this isnt self deprecating i just am too lazy to type it out

42. Piercings: my ears

43. Bloodtype: o

44. Nickname: dant mostly

45. Relationship status: going to die alone

46. Zodiac: a leo (i dont care about astrology but none of bts have the same sign i cant help but feel offended)

47. Pronouns: he/him or they/them

48. Favorite TV Show: i dont really watch tv the last thing i watched was b99 and la rosa de guadalupe ajalsd

49. Tattoos: none

50. Right or left hand: left handed!

51. Surgery:my head thingy but none else

52. Piercings: ??  53. Sports: i just go to the gym and throught my whole life ive been like 20 different sports

55. Vacation: i went there last summer but i wanna go back to maguipi (an island on the pacific) :(((

56. Pair of trainers: like shoes?? i have some really cute ones w a platfore and a bronze color

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i just ate a pear

58. Drinking: still my aguepanela

59. I’m about to: study a lil

61. Waiting for: my aunt :)

62. Want: so many things man dont even ask

63. Get married: ill just settled w being liked by someone first i think

64. Career: future licenciado en lenguas extranjeras

WHICH IS BETTER?:

65. Hugs or kisses: depends on the person and situation

66. Lips or eyes:it doesnt matter

67. Shorter or taller: doesnt??? matter???

68. Older or younger: okay my age or just a lil older

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: define nice

71. Sensitive or loud: a person can be both (hobi)

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship is preferred but u never kno

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: this kinda questions are so weird man i guess both it rlly rlly depends

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: not that i remember

75. Drank hard liquor: listen ive drank half a bottle of aguardiente in one go

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i lost absolutely everythign

77. Turned someone down: yeahh ha

78. Sex in the first date: no

79. Broken someones heart: probably but w/o wanting to

80. Had your heart broken: so many times

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: sometimes

85. Miracles: nah man

86. Love at first sight: a good trope for romance things, not real

87. Santa Claus: no :(

88. Kiss in the first date: maybe???

89. Angels: i dont know, but jung hoseok is real i might as well believe

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: natalia

91. Eyecolor: dark brown

92. Favorite movie: coraline forever

 this is so long but kinda fun!! i tag @possessive-princess @arrozito @yoongimor @strawberryoongs

[wewontliveforeversomakeitworthit]

My Story

Hi, my name is Lisa and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is January 3rd 2017 I have a home group, love and service in Rochester NY, i have a sponsor, i have a service position and I am currently working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I shared at the forensics unit at our psych center and nothing came out right and i didn’t actually know how to share my story so I’m going to try to gather my thoughts and share it on here before my next share. I grew up in what would appear to be just a totally normal middle class home in Henrietta NY. I have 4 older sisters and 2 incredibly loving amazing supportive and sometimes absolutely insane parents. While i was growing up I felt exactly how alot of people say that they did too, i felt different, left out and not good enough for anybody. In elementary school I was already a compulsive liar, telling people that i had boyfriends and stupid stuff like that. I turned to food to hide my feelings and to hide myself and that turned into me being bullied for being over weight. And even from that young age i took the things that those people said to me straight to heart and it was gospel and they were right, I was fat, i had awful acne, i was ugly and nobody would ever love me because of my appearance. I decided I wanted to lose that weight when i was going into 8th grade and I lost some of it and was actually pretty normal for the most part at that time. I then thought i was completely in love with a guy in 8th grade who was also my best friend and we hung out over that winter break and i thought something was going to happen, like obviously we were going to be in love and get married but instead he told me that he didn’t want me in that way, turns out hes actually gay now but it sent me on a downward spiral into mental illness that was lurking in the shadows of my life since I could think. I developed anorexia and starved myself every day until i got down to about 100lbs, my family and I went on vacation and being around them i wasn’t able to eat (well not eat) the way that I was. I cried every single night on that vacation because of how utterly disgusted with myself i was. I then came home and developed bulimia because the control of the starving was completely gone. But the night that boy told me he didn’t want me, something else happened. I drank, it was NYE at my sisters house and I was 14 years old, her friends asked me if i wanted a drink and god did i want a drink. I wanted to feel the careless joy the people around me were feeling. They made the mistake of showing me where their green tea vodka was and i started drinking and didn’t stop until it was gone. I remember while i was drinking that something inside of me started to change, i wasn’t shy and concerned with what other people were thinking of me anymore, i didn’t care at all about anything. I remember my tongue and my cheeks getting numb and i was on cloud nine.  After that night i was too preoccupied with my ED to give a fuck about drinking or drugging until bulimia came into play. I started snorting adderall so that i wouldnt eat and that went on through ninth grade until i went to program for my eating disorder and those people saved me from dying from that disease. But after i got out of that program, life got real. I had about a year of decent normalcy but at the beginning of my junior year things started to progress. I started to not give a shit about school at all, i started skipping classes and going to parties on weekends and drinking whenever it was an option for me. I started dating guys who were really just not good people and i had only one friend. We went out when we could but it never dawned on me that I was drinking any differently than any of the other kids i was around because really I wasn’t but the way it was affecting me and the way i was thinking about it was COMPLETELY different from those kids. They would stop drinking so they could drive home or they literally had DD’s but to be honest i dont remember much about those couple of years. I graduated highschool early because i hated literally everyone and i was convinced that they all hated me and judged me because most of the time they did. In my senior year i started using the tinder app and i would go over to random guys houses and meet them and every time that happened id get to drink, in my bio it even said “alcohol enthusiast”. boy was i wrong. I thought it was normal to do what i was doing, i really didnt think twice about it. Meeting these guys and being able to get black out drunk and then maybe sleep with them just seemed like a normal thing to do. Until my parents started asking questions about where i was going and why there were alcohol containers in my car and i would lie and say they were someone elses but theyre not stupid they knew they were mine. Things slowed down a little while i was in my first couple semesters of nursing school, i still drank but just on weekends with my boyfriend at the time and his roommates, and i thought i was drinking normally but i guess blacking out and starting fights on purpose because of your drinking isn’t neccesarily normal. I wouldn’t walk around the park ave area with him at night time unless he wanted to drink and that became a norm for me. I needed a drink if i was going to do anything at all, go to the movies? drink. hang out with literally anyone? drink. watching some tv? drink. While my boyfriend at the time went on vacation for christmas i decided to go to a party because if i saw anything about anyone drinking on social media i was on top of it, i made sure i had a way to get drunk whenever and i went to that party and i did cocaine for the second time in my life. the first time i really dont remember much but it was before i had met Kenny. So he went away and I went to a harmless party and kept my drinks near me like they were my children. I heard they were doing shots downstairs and i went down there and took probably 7 tequila shots in a row and blacked out, i came too when i started doing lines and by the time it was 7am i was calling him asking him to help me. That was a thing of mine, was to get drunk one place and then message or text as many people as possible to help me because i needed to go somewhere else or do something else because i didn’t want the fun to end. I kept on drinking the way i was drinking but because of how sick and awful i had felt i didn’t touch drugs again for a little while but i did wind up finding them again. but then all of a sudden over the summer of last year, shit hit the fan. I was drinking every single night and one night i went and hungout with a guy i had met probably on tinder and he said he needed to stop by a friends house for a birthday gift and i was like oh yeah ok cool, turns out his friend was the supplier for the whole town he lived in and she offered me some and i actually said no. i scolded him for his awful decision making and we went to Durand beach to get drunk and by the end of that night i had at some point asked if i could have some of his drugs so that i could safely drive home and obviously he said yes and then life went crazy. i went back to durand with that same person but met a whole bunch of other people and some how met a small group of people another time on that night and i wish i had clearer details but i was really a black out drinker and i wouldnt come to unless i had something else in my system. So we met this other smaller group of people and my life changed. some how i started attracting people who had what i thought i needed and wanted and id switch back and forth between these peoples houses getting free drinks and drugs and staying up for days at a time and not coming home and moving from job to job trying to keep my head above water. I wouldn’t stop thinking about being able to get the next drink or drug. Id go to morning classes after not sleeping in two days and be completely strung out or just not go at all. I got to a point where i couldnt drink without putting a drug in my system and i tried. I tried to stop myself from getting too drunk by switching drinks or not having as many and i was convinced i didn’t have a problem because i didn’t drink during the day so i clearly wasn’t an alcoholic. I would try to drink around people who didn’t approve of me doing drugs and i still somehow managed to go from house to house to house getting drinks and drugs until there was nothing left. One night i was at a house with all of these people i had been drinking and drugging with who i thought i really was just living the life with and i went upstairs and had a panic attack. I wanted to go home because something in me created a feeling that told me i no longer belonged there. So after 3 days of not being home and countless cries for help to my therapist and other people i called my parents at 4am and told them i was coming home and sobbing i told them i needed to talk to them. That night i told them about what i had been doing and got myself an intake appointment for outpatient. And i still at that point thought i probably only had a drug problem and that it wasn’t the drinking. i really didnt think it was the drinking. But once i started outpatient, i couldnt for life of me stay sober but i wanted it i really did. and when i tell you that night i went home that i was desperate for help i mean i wanted to die. i spent so many days of coming down just praying for god to take my life because truly i couldn’t live it anymore. Times id come home so sick and dehydrated my mom would have to run IV’s through me and id lay on that bathroom floor wishing it would all just end. I had known about AA but it was introduced to me through a girl in my outpatient and she told me she was going to a meeting and i told her i wanted to go. I had just relapsed for what would be the last time and i wanted to be sober more than anything and i couldn’t handle the constant relapses. My first AA meeting was wits end when it was upstairs at Rosedale and i was not buying any of it. I was convinced that all those young people car pooling were getting drunk directly after the meeting and that they were all just liars and fakes. I was texting someone ABOUT getting drunk at that meeting but luckily nobody would comply because on that Sunday i went to a womens meeting in fairport and i felt so engulfed with love and acceptance it was incredible. These women gave me a coin and hugged me and even though they talked about god they were something i hadnt experienced in a long time and that was happy without needing a drink or a drug to do it. I was handed that 24 hour coin and I decided maybe I’d do a couple more of these meeting things but i wouldn’t get involved like they were. My friend and i started going to a 5:30 meeting that was mostly old people or people off the street who were drunk but i stuck around for long enough to meet Pat and he was the FIRST person i heard share within my 2 months of meetings that i could actually relate to and for the first time i went up and talked to someone after they spoke and i told him how much i related and he told me to go to his home group Love and Service and that he wanted to introduce me to someone and that someone turned out to be my sponsor. I had no idea what i was doing and i knew that if i didn’t start to actually do something other than meetings that i was going to drink again and i didn’t want that for myself anymore. So my sponsor and i didnt even discuss her sponsoring me it just happened and she told me to get phone numbers and find a home group and a service position and it took me a couple weeks but i did it. meanwhile, my friend who introduced me to AA asked me if i was calling my sponsor every day and i was like uhhhh what do you mean call her everyday?????? and my friends like yeah duh thats like an unspoken aa rule and i called my sponsor right after that i was like OMG IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU EVERY DAY. Mostly i just didn’t have any idea how the hell to communicate with people anymore without being drunk. My social awkwardness was at level 100 and im still working on that lol. but we met up and she started to pray and she said “hey god” in the beginning of the prayer like he was just a friend and i was like oh good i got a crazy one idk how well this is gunna workout. but she started taking me through the book and something else changed, i started to grow. this is the longest ive ever done literally anything in my life and it has changed my life drastically already even just at almost 6 months sober. Today I have a full time job that i actually go to every day, today I’m able to be a daughter, a sister, a friend. Today I am learning who i am and how to deal with life on lifes terms and im becoming patient and im just in this constant growth and its absolutely amazing. I’ve found a higher power that i dont understand at all but I know its there and im able to learn things about myself every day and get called out when i’m wrong and just begin to actually live and its amazing. I’m still a work in progress but I am so beyond grateful to be here. Thank you

[lbaby7]

Another day man. I feel like this is the best place for me to get out my feelings. no one is ever going to see this and tbh it hurts my hand to journal. Fuck. This time of my life is so difficult. Not saying that other parts of my life haven’t been difficult of parts of my future won’t be difficult. My past compared to now seems like a breeze. I would take the stressors, the sadness, and the pain I felt then any day of the week compared to this. I’m 23. Still in college. I graduate in a semester but thats almost two years later than my expected graduation. I never saw this for myself. I always thought I was someone who had it together. I am generally a rule follower and responsible in a way that makes people think I’d succeed. A large part of my existence has always been worrying about what people think of me. Like who cares? I DO! so much. like so so much. Maybe thats something that will always be apart of me. Seriously, how retched would it be if the people I know (or even the ones I don’t) found out that I sometimes don’t shower for two days in a row. or if they knew how much of a monster I can be to the ones I love because I genuinely do not know how to cope with my feelings. These are just some of the things that embarrass me. Believe me theres more things, i could actually write a book about it. Sidenote, I am going to be complaining about everything. I’m fat, I’m ugly, My dads an alcoholic, I’ve never had a boyfriend, never worked a day in my life, a virgin, and at this point i feel like it may be like this forever. Thats a lie. I know I could fix most of these problems myself. Also im not as worried about being successful in the future because I really feel like I thats attainable and something I’d like to work towards. Most of the time though I’m in a constant state of “why me”. Why did I have to be put in a middle class family? Why did i have to be the overweight friend? why am i so fucking socially awkward that it physically makes me ill? Why do I have anxiety? why am I depressed? why dont boys obsess over me? Livvy shut the fuck up. Its not that deep. This shit is so surface level I’m actually cringing while typing. But In order for me to accept the things that make me angry, or keep me from moving forward, i need to admit them to myself. I just wish my whole life was different point blank. I should not be complaining though. My family is amazing. They literally do all they can for me. My dads an alcoholic. It bothers me so much. no one else I know has a dad who gets so belligerently drunk on 5/7 days of the week. when he gets drunk he’s mean to my mom. he’s mean to me. Verbally. he really is a great human otherwise. I want to disassociate with him sometimes. I want to disassociate with alot of people though. I want to hand pick the people I like and discard the rest. How fucked up am I that I just want to throw people away? Even ones who did not cause me any harm.  maybe its my abandonment issues. ha can believe I’m finally owning up to it. in the past I would’ve swore up and down 1000 times i had no such thing. funny how i want to discard people but dont want people to discard me. I guess i want to get rid of them before they get rid of me. I probably could’ve had a boyfriend by now, but its because of this problem i dont. I’ve only ever loved one person, romantically that is. I wonder if he heard me say that if he’d think i was crazy. I know i’m going to marry him though. I just have a feeling. and i cant really envision my future with him not in it. We dont really talk anymore. But it’s just not the time. whatever. he makes me crazy. He doesnt know he does. Does he ever think about me. Did he ever really even like me? maybe even just a little. I don’t know I dont want to think about it. thats a future thing. Also why cant i just go out and fuck some one. my brain doesn’t work like that. I’m so closed off i need someone all to myself. I’m selfish. there i said it. Jealousy also is my ugliest trait. besides my nose ew (surface level livvy calm down) its hard for me to be happy for others because I’m not happy with myself. why are things going good for other people but not me. Again, the only person who is stopping me is me. i’d like to think one day, preferably soon, I’ll get my shit together. I will look how i want to look, for the most part, I love the person i want to love, and ill be happy. At the end of the day I just want someone to choose me. I want to be important to someone. I want to live in a rom com. I want to not have my sister order my food at a drive thru because im too shy. I want to not have an anxiety attack about if one of my friends is fucking the guy I like even though they dont even know each other. i want to get my hygiene back. i dont smell, god i have respect, but so i feel like i used to. Taking care of myself, looking presentable. Now Ill go out as the grease monster and not even bat an eye. Because i dont give a fuck what people think. I do but I dont, make sense? no one is looking at me I’m invisible. Have I made myself feel this way or was it the others? poor me. life is so sad. Im lucky. life could be worse. But the mental illness that im afraid to talk about is making me feel like poor me. im fucking depressed. I will stay in my room for days at a time not wanting to get out of bed. I dont even want to see my friends anymore. I dont want to feel like i have to kill myself to get away from a life that in retrospect is not even close to being bad. Thats what depression will do to you. Turn you into someone you dont even know anymore. I always thought people used mental illness as a way to get attention. maybe thats why I dont talk about mine alot. But all I have to say is the second you experience it you will feel so fucking awful for believe people were making that shit up. None of this makes logical sense. this is just my thoughts s they came to me. I hope in the future i wont be so miserable with my own life, want to be someone else, and maybe am more tolerable with people and not so selfish. I’m selfish without even knowing. I hate the people who have hurt me, but I know i’ve hurt people in the past and alot of them forgave me. I wouldnt have some of my best friends without forgiveness. Im a follower and thats so not cool. I need to stand up for whats right because if I dont do it for someone else who will do it for me. I didnt turn in an assignment that was due today. I get so down on myself and tell myself i wont be able to do it right therefore i dont even try. story of my life. youre too ugly he will be embarrassed and never like you. youre not qualified so dont even try. youre always going to be fat so dont even bother working out. youre never going to have a great life so dont put effort into it. Thes mental roadblocks. are. killing. me. slowly. How do I stop thinking the way I do. What happened in my childhood that made me this way. how can i hurt the person who hurt me. its a friday. im alone. in my room. had a good cry. hating my life. the boy i love is in my town. did i reach out to him? no. but did he reach out to me? no. whatever. I’ll wake up in the morning and maybe i’ll be happy. i doubt it but atleast theres a little optimism left in this cold dark shell of a body. i want to be on antidepressants. I heard they numb you. I’d like to feel numb. maybe thats why I like peppermint oil so much. It makes my body feel numb. goodnight. I need to write on here more. i feel better.