#i guess i didnt want him to get the impression i wasnt interested at all

[catmemey]

newness? maybe.

[strangewiggles]

pathologic furry designs because im a nerd

(aglaya, rubin, and lara, *ft artemy)

i usually dont post uncolored drawings/doodles but i plan on making a few of these

HUGE thanks to my buddies for help/input on these..both are huge brained and awesome at art follow them now

heres the thought process (spoiler free, mostly based on patho 2)

me and my buddies were in a call for all of these and we had a very intellectual conversation about all of them. when looking for furry designs i usually think of personality, mannerisms, and likeness.

Aglaya, Shoebill

both of the friends i asked havent played the game past day 5 (one of them is on day 2) so i asked “what animal would she be” with just a picture of her model. i was interested to see what 2 people who’ve only seen her once (in the intro) would think of her purely on vibes and brief dialogue. the first suggestion was “some kinda bird” and that seemed to stick.

a bit tall, a bit intimidating. so we threw out Herons, Ostriches, Peacocks…

Shoebill seemed to fit. I wanted a bird that was either grey or black, some kinda desaturated color but also one that was tall and a bit scary. Shoebills are definitely considered pretty scary. theyre also super tall and i remember saying in the call "these things are huge if i saw them flying i would cry." when it comes to shoebills, i imagine them towering over most other animals, especially with that neck and beak! they're also ambush predators i believe. shoebills fit Aglaya's first impressions perfectly.

i almost made her a Dalmatian... im glad i didnt...

Rubin, Skinny Pig

I wasn't even going to initially draw Rubin here... it started by me asking "who'd be a naked mole rat?" and the immediate answer was "Rubin..." which made me remember that he was bald LMAO. I figured that fit a little, and the original drawing was him as a naked mole rat. a few things werent quite right though.

first, digging. i cant imagine Rubin as an animal who's entire thing is digging around and being dirty, he's a doctor and, other than blood, i can't imagine he'd wanna be dirty...

second, social groups. as far as i know, naked mole rats are very social within their own circles? just from the early game (as early as the first 3 days?) he's pretty antisocial and seems to have a distaste for the Kin, even if influenced by grief(the emotion not the person). he even seems reluctant to be close to close friends.

and, of course, moles have to be saved for someone else... we'll get there. WINK

..i dont remember how Skinny Pigs came up, i think i was just googling them and thought they were funny since i have a friend who owns some.. i did a bit of googlin and asking my buddy in the call about skinny pig mannerisms.. theyre pretty...territorial? at least males to other males, theyre pretty aggressive as far as i know. this definitely fit Rubin. the OTHER reason for any kind of guinea pig was considered was because of the concept of "test guinea pigs" and not in a literal sense, but just the concept, because of Rubin's connection to Isidor. i will say i felt like the smartest person on earth when i thought of that.

also the cute ears absolutely influenced the decision.

Lara, Generic Ass Wolf

Lara was genuinely so difficult... unlike the other two, there were literally no suggestions being thrown out. my description was something like "maybe something small, cute, short tempered, but social?" and, for some reason, that was a tall order. my first guess was a mouse, but that wasnt perfect... we thought we'd have to turn to bugs and fish, though a lot of bugs and fish are hard to find personalities for.. at a surface level at least. we decided to save bugs and fish for other people...

and then, the suggestion of "wolf" came up, albeit reluctantly. when it comes to furry-fying characters, wolves and dogs are definitely...up there, in terms of "most used/obvious".. but really, think about it.

Believe it or not, wolves can be a little anxious, if not in a way that presents itself as anger/defense. this is also how i described Lara, "anxious in a way that presents as anger." also, wolves, while sometimes being a little solitary, are commonly in packs. which is...Lara's, like, Whole Thing. a house for the living etc etc..

I don't think i need to explain wolves too much either way. theyre The Furry Animal. whatever you know about wolves is probably true for Lara. it seems low-effort but trust me this decision took forever LMAO

and i mean...look at her. she looks like a wolf

*Artemy here is a bull because... yeah. that's the most obvious one. as #1 artemy fan i couldn't in good conscious make him anything other than a bull even if it's low effort idgaf... ill look at types of bulls for him later.

hope you liked my rambles..

[theclampdown]

dump of scattered lad:iw thoughts because i have. a lot to say about the game. i have not proofread this at all. these r just my opinions please don't me mad at me lol

[IT WAS NOT GOOD]

im able to put up with a lot of stupid bullshit in media i like so its pretty impressive that this game pushed me to my limit in what im willing to let slide lmao

i do wanna say that i actually really did enjoy playing it though, i think it smoothed out a lot of what i found annoying about 7 (mostly the leveling system and skill jumps and stuff) and added a lot of new content. i did like the new map and i thought they did a pretty good job making it feel different than the other areas of the game. the battles felt very fun and were challenging but didnt ever really feel like a slog for me which is usually my biggest gripe with games that involve leveling like this but i had a good time! loved his fucking scooter. to be quite honest.

enjoyed the drink links and party chats and party bingo and stuff they were very silly but it was enjoyable! did really like the party members overall but ill talk on that in a sec

also ill say it ran much better on my shitty laptop than most of the recent games have which is definitely a bonus. my graphics for rgg7 were so fucking awful but i didnt have to change a single default setting for this one so idk i guess the only plusses for this one is that the gameplay rocked and they optimized their shit a lot better. like it genuinely was enjoyable to play

unfortunately the story was just dumb. i cant even say it sucked shit it just felt stupid.

the initial premise wasnt even bad tbh. ichiban and co get fucked over due to ~society~ or whatever and perceptions of ex-cons and such, coinciding with ichiban seeking out his mother since her identity was left pretty open ended in the last game. like not bad at all imo. idk how they fumbled it that bad. Actually i do know how. they just overshot it too much. they could have just kept it to something related to that like with the seiryu clan and ebina/hikawa whatever. that could have been interesting! unfortunately the tie in with whatever palekana was doing just turned the story in a completely other direction in a way that just didnt make sense? i just found that whole part of the plot shallow and difficult to suspend my disbelief about. and this is the same series that had the whole baseball betting and idol concert as a serious plot point in the 5th game so maybe my standards are too high but idk that actually felt meaningful even if it was stupid and silly. this just didnt make sense and felt too overblown. i think in general my problem with the series as of late is that its conflicts reach Too High and are Too Grand and concern world governments and massive schemes and shit in a way that takes away from anything actually interesting thematically.

in terms of character i actually did quite like tomizawa and chitose and i think they were good additions and balanced well with existing characters. at the same time though i feel like the game kind of forced their friendships with ichiban too early and it made it feel kind of flat. i also feel they lost the plot with tomizawa a tad as to Why he was even sticking with ichiban at a certain point (ie what stakes he had in the conflict after he got what he wanted out of dwight). but i did like him. i thought the rest of the party members from the last game all factored in pretty well otherwise and i VERY much enjoyed having seonhee as a party member this time she rocked and i think they made the right choice including her. And also her being bisexual?

sorry quick seonhee break. anyway. my beef with characterization otherwise was like 80% with kiryu. Personally i believe his ass shouldnt have been in any of the games after the 5th game at least because im a hater. if they were gonna kill him off to retire they shuold have let him retire in the 6th game and not come back. Okay fine they had to give him his stupid cameo in 7 but that was supposed to be him 'passing the torch' to ichiban and then he could go fuck off again. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR HIM TO BE A CENTRAL PLAYABLE PROTAGONIST IN ANOTHER GAME. LIKE EVER. GAIDEN ASIDE. THEYRE DRAGGING THIS MANS CORPSE AROUND THEY'RE WEEKEND AT BERNIES'ING HIM. on the one hand i was nostalgia baited by them intentionally making parallels to rgg1 and also the whole memoirs thing unfortunately because i see 1 mention of haruka and lose my mind. but if they were gonna make intentional parallels wrt lani and haruka then they should have put their whole pussies into it and leaned into it and explored it bc as it was it just felt shallow. the cancer thing was okay ig they did explore like why he was refusing treatment so much and him seemingly accepting his death while everyone around him was trying to drag him out of it but idk. it was just okay to me. but just with kiryu being there in general it was just so annoying because i specifically just want him to fucking retire. i dont care about him. every game for the past 4 games has made it out to be kiryus last and they keep bringing him back and its just tiring. i dont careeeee. will say takaya kuroda did another phenomenal job voicing him though. and the black shirt black slacks and belt was doing somehting for me. Who said that.

on the topic of lani and also akane i wish they would have explored that more since akane is half the premise as to why ichiban is stateside and they insisted on the paralel with haruka for lani. like i just felt like they got very little screentime when they were arguably pretty plot central characters. like why did they get less dialogue than like fucking yamai. i wish they would have explored akane and ichiban more specifically though that one cutscene of them actually talking was really sweet

SPEAKING OF YAMAI. in a vacuum i honestly did like him he was kind of funny and i respect him for his taste in women and his weird little ragtag syndicate. i feel like hes nishitani part 2 if nishitani was in literally any way enjoyable or likeable and not a piece of shit (wasnt there a nishitani in gaiden or something?) but i cant explain my thinking often. but the treatment of yamai and his syndicate vs wong tou and the ganzhe vs dwight and the barracudas jsut stood out to me as. particularly not good? yamai and co as the japanese group were portrayed as very sympathetic and were fully humanized and fleshed out. wong tou was characterized decently well i think and was given a point of sympathy with his son and like literally everyone betraying him. but was also killed pretty quickly and the ganzhe otherwise were portrayed as just being infallibly loyal to bryce. and the barracudas and dwight were portrayed with no nuance whatsoever and were arguably seen as the most violent of the three organizations. which tbh i think definitely has something to do with the barracudas being largely Black and brown otherwise (its noted in narration that they consisted of all nationalities and ethnicities but in practice in the game most of their models seemed to be men of color). because rgg studios has shown its ass time and time again to be generally racist and colorist and nationalist. that really stuck out to me throughout the game tbh

i dont want to speak on this as much just because i dont want to talk out of my ass but it also gave me a bad taste in my mouth that the big evil cult palekana utilized indigenous hawaiian religion and language but was also run by a white guy. also was not a fan of some of the job options such as 'fetishized depiction of a hula dancer that resulted from american tourism and imperialism' and such. was just not good.

side note i just thought the whole palekana brainwashing cult deal was stupid it was just dumb. not in a fun way. maybe thats just me being a hater but it was just STUPID and far fetched. it was like the part in rgg5 (sorry to always bring up rgg5 but actually im not sorry because it was a good game) where it revealed that there never was a nagoya family and everyone was fucking with shinada specifically. which was silly then but this was just worse. it didnt really make bryce any more formidable or hateable as a protagonist it just fell short in any of their efforts to make it believable and to raise the stakes in my humble opinion.

the daigo and saejima and majima tie in was also jsut kind of stupid. I just cannot believe they would have ended up in a fishing shack like that. Saejima definitely i would see him fucking off somewhere like that. but i just dont see how daigo or majima would end up there man it just doesnt make sense. i thought their goodbye in rgg7 was kind of dumb and if the game leaned more into the struggles of being an ex yakuza or ex con trying to reintegrate into a society that wants nothing to do with that, maybe their story could have been more interesting! unfortunately the game went another direction and their inclusion felt stupif and it just felt bastardizing of these characters that have also kind of been weekend at bernies'd for the last few games. I just cant see daigo being there. Daigo wheres your fucking mom. Can you call her. She misses you. Shave that ugly beard. Just leave the damn country at that point all of you.

this is not a problem unique to this game but i hate how allergic they are to making these characters look their age. i appreciated that they made kiryus hair gray but his haircut was stupid though tbh he looked quite nice when he put it back up at the end and looked probably closer to his actual age. saejima and daigo were pretty okay. WHY IS MAJIMA ALWAYS SO DAMN SMOOTH i know hes been doing like coke since the 80s he literally should not be looking like that. actually did love the part where they were support party members in the finale sequence though it was just really fun. but they shuoldnt have been there at all. All of you go retire.

in terms of the finale honestly ebina/hikawa was kind of right tbh. and i think the game wanted me to agree with him in a sense? he was right to hate arakawa these games will never make me like these deadbeat father figures (except genda he ruled) but what i didnt agree with was kiryus whole... deal at the end. i dont know. i dont think he was ever wrong for fucking off out of the tojo clan and i definitely dont thing he was wrong for not taking on the responsibility of chairman and trying to 'change things' or something like its not literally a massive criminal organization. wasnt a big point of this game that people should be allowed to leave the criminal life and reintegrate in society? so why should the game be blaming kiryu for fucking off from being chairman in the first game to do exactly that. we COULD be blaming him for never actually cutting ties with the tojo clan fully and always having one foot on each side and not ever doing much but trying to maintain the status quo through that rather than change anything. which honestly would make much more sense than blaming him for not trying to do anything as chairman. but i digress. i guess. wild that this was like one of 4 or 5 times that this man has ever cried on screen and its him cradling another man on the floor and then passing out.

the fact that they didnt have the haruka reunion on screen is criminal i was so fucking MAD. they HATE ME SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the ending with eiji made no sense to me in a lot of ways. that was the major part of the plot that they didnt wrap up very well besides just having his ass go to jail -what for? collaborating with the yakuza? that wasnt clear to me. i get it that they were trying to show how manipulating or releasing information can sway public opinion very easily. but how did he grow his hair and beard that quick how much damn time had passed??? is that a nitpick? maybe. i did just have to go on the wiki for a plot summary about him if that shows how it was kind of unclear how he ended up in that position. but also tbf i am usually having to go on wikis after i finish rgg games because im stupid and these games are annoyingly complicated. #1 media understanderrrr

with eiji otherwise he was an okay twist villain but the wheelchair thing was just stupid.

why bring back sawashiro anyway i truly didnt see a point to it. i dont think it needed to have been him at all in that role it could have been any other new game character. Did like how everybody took every opportunity they could to dunk on him though

in general the theme wrt atonement and doing over. on the one hand i always believe you get a second chance and i think the 7th game already did a good job showing it with ichi and co. but i always am annoyed that their insistence on atonement must be done through the legal system because im a communist but also in-universe its stupid because of how often theyve shown that the legal system is innefficient and corrupt and i know theyre never gonna challenge the status quo like that bc theyre a generally reactionary series overall but like. its annoying. im over it. im not. anyways back to the theme of atonement i dont think its really bad at all but the rest of the game didnt make me feel anything enough for it to mean something.

liked that the theme of friendship was once again so prominent though and that the cast was dragging kiryu out of being a lone wolf kicking and screaming. did make me smile admittedly. the whole thing with saeko. honestly i was willing to just let it happen after a certain point ichiban is allowed to be happy i guess . the ending was just. i dont know. it would have been silly on its own but after the trainwreck of the rest of the game i was just sitting there like. ._. they hate on my man ichiban for his communication styles and his comprehension of directions and subtleties i guess. though they were right to criticize his stupid ass proposal lmao

sorry i forgot about this point earlier but the whole seiryu clan -> bleach japan thing was also fucking stupid and i found it very diffiuclt to suspend my disbelief for that ie i did not. it was just out of left field and lame and didnt really fit in well with the message of atonement I DONT KNOW like i dont care about believability in a lot of ways their machine gunning the millenium tower again theyre always blowing shit up and doing silly action movie stuff i dont care about that. their plot point choices just tend to be stupid.

side note. the kashiwagi and kiryu initial conversation was genuinely so fucking funny. their more genuine conversation made me tear up actually. sniffle. theyre brothers.

i think im running out of steam here i think i hit all my major points that i didnt like in the game. tldr it was very forced and many of its plotpoints werent believable, and it lacked direction and a strong message in the end, and it bastardized a lot of recurring characters and generally was very flat emotionally. was fun to actually play but it was just stupid.

they could never make me hate you ichiban.

screenies dump

whatever. everyone play rgg5

shinada palate cleanser

[souwrrr]

also!!!!! im super duper intrigued by tartaglias whole story its actually really interesting i wish he got more screen time in chapter iv 🙁🙁 i saw this REALY good animatic about his experience in the abyss and stuff with the fatui abd all the awful stuff hes been through !!! it was genuinely so cool but its also kinda what brought me back into this game and i am not happy abt it

i kinda wonder abt childes opinions on all of the other harbingers as well as his battle hunger?? he realllyy idolizes getting stronger and fighting everything and everyone he can and its definitely bc of skirk and what had happened in the abyss that mustve been hell for him

i also wonder what he would do if teucer and tonia found out about all the people he has hurt??? ofc he has done SO much to help them and keep them safe and ig if traveler can overlook it so can they but i do wanna see a genuine reaction from them.... i also want to see their reaction to the damage tartaglias delusion has done to him!! considering he went back to ice kingdom or whatever after his fight with that whale, wouldnt they have seen him in his weakened state ?? honestly hes prob really good at hiding it as a means to not scare his siblings since he cares for them so much. i wonder why childe continues using his delusion despite its danger? like he even gave traveler his vision before trying to pick a fight with clorinde but he kept his delusion? i mean i get that the vision was malfuctioning but the delusions is really. Bad. i wonder if he thinks its worth it because it makes him so much more powerful?

okay back to opinions on other fatui... scara doesnt seem to respect him all that much? idk about the knave their voice overs about each other are interesting but theyve interacted pretty positively and even trash talked other fstui members LOL since its pretty obvious thry dont trust each other that much i guess they just have to pretend to like each other but id like to think they get along in unique ways.... but scara said that they all use each other for benefit so he kind of admitted it wasnt so good. i remember the first impression players had of him was that he was super strong and important and stuff (not that he isnt!!!!!!) but he is still the eleventh harbinger .... so i guess thats why hes looked down on so much and seen as reckless (but thats also just bc he is.....) i am glad that we still get more interactions w him but lowkey i think he is going to die soon and i seriously do not like that he 😭😭😭😭 hes a character i genuinely have come to like!! at least 4 now

i wish i paid more attention to him earlier on in the game bc i would always just get pissed off everytime he said anything bc i likd many at the time that he was an annoying ed sheeran water guy and i am so embarrassed i thought that for SO LONG i think i was annoyed bc everyone had a crush on him or at least a few people i didnt like being obsessed with him and not even his story just how he looks brah like come ONNNN i might have more thoughts in the future but these are a few for neow

[a1li-ens]

hello if ur still. willnignto talkab slow damage i would lvoeee to knoe ur thoughts on the other love interests and also towa himself as a character ! :3

IM ALWAYS DOWN TO TALK ABOUT IT YIPPEE!! ⭐

adding a cut to this i have a lot of thoughts lol (💖・ω・) (includes spoilers)

👨‍⚕️taku: OK HE IS MIXED FOR ME i like him in routes other than his own LOL i think hes rly fun as like a semi normal acting guy in weirdo town. Its cute he cares a lot about the ppl at the clinic and i like the scenes where he hangs out and eats with towa and rei so much its cute they are a silly family 😭

i think hes really fun as a nice dad or at least big bro in towas life but that is why i dont like his route romantically its WEIRD THAT WAY LOL... bro u have known towa way too long for this.. please fall for some other dilf or something!! his bad end was too much for me and i have a strong stomach !!! (less so the bugs and more the meth slave thing .. get a better hobby sir!!)

but otherwise i like him! him doing meth warcrimes besides the bug related ones are interesting and the whole mansion part of his route was rly cool and fun to read!! also hes just funny i love that hes always responding to things like -_-????

i like the breaking bad pictures.

🍰Rei: I LOVE REI SO MUCH so cute 😭 his was my second fav route in general! hes so sweet and its so cute how much hes always thinking about everyone 😭 i also love how he has so many hobbies he has!! I didnt quite like his route as much from a plot/worldbuilding perspective as much as some of the others+the moneymatch stuff in general was kinda not as interesting just because i think its like. nothing super new or exciting i guess! but im a character writing person so that doesn't bother me lol!

I rly love his self love / acceptance journey.. i am emotional.. even if I visually hate his stupid tiny haircut!! i hope he can lean back into some of his not traditionally manly side after he is comfortable with gender stuff 🥺

I think as a romance route his was rly nice!!! it was cute and sweet and its sweet the ways they support eachother 🥺💖 towa feels very like affectionate in a cat way towards him its cute! I like them as bffs maybe more they are just too cute that way 😭 i want to b reis friend as well

his bad end is GOOD !! towa looks COOL i like the corset ribbons.. i want to see a full body CG what else has he done!! wasnt expecting rei to be the eye pussy one but ill take it .

🐈Madarame: OK.. first half of his route i rly hated him SORRY TO FANS but thinking back on it and playing more i dont hate him now LOL I feel like even after playing i don't know enough about him as i'd like! i want to know what this bitch does in his spare time other than towa lol ?? its cute that he likes cats and i liked him and the boys all eating pizza!! the towa infiltrating in the cute suit part was rly fun too! i wanted to see him talk to mayu and kotarou and stuff more he doesn't talk heaps in general tho hfjhfh

regarding them as boyfriends i am a sappy romance person so their type of affection isn't my normal preference but it suits them! I think that why it was kind of hard to get through the start besides me never rly liking the ⭐problematic guy⭐ route in VNs LOL! but im glad in both endings they are so happy but was a nice surprise! yeah boys u have fun!!

🐇 fujieda : FUJI... I WROTE A LOT IN THE LAST ASK trying to think of new info i didnt write there. I love that he is actually kind of an airhead LOL i feel like he would be rly worried when towa said he caught ligma...... him before he teams up with towa is funny too like how often is he hiding in that concrete pipe???? is he comfy?? i love him.

theres prob more i haven't said about him but ill leave it at his lovingly drawn bazongas for now.

🎨towa: I LOVE TOWA.... LIKE OK... my skrunkly.. initial impressions i love every manslut character by default and he is very nice to look at. his personality is so fun omg what a bitch!!! i love that for him.i am biased because its also my dayjob but him being a medical receptionist is so funny LMFAO he seems terrible at it go king give us nothing !! obviously his hobbies make him rly fun to read about, i rly like his art hes good at it!!

plot and everything else wise UOUGHhhhh he makes me emotional. i am having trouble articulating about him because of this KJHBJHB no matter the routes i love watching him open up his feelings a bit 😭 the way he actually cares about people close to him even though hes been trying to convince himself he doesn't need other ppl gets to me 😭 his vulnerable moments make me emo... him wanting to see fujis scars in the shower especially got to me 🥺😭

his backstory stuff is rly well done too i think his mental health is rly well done in general 😭 but its kinda refreshing its not all magically better either afterwards boys got a lot to work through!!! but i am so glad he can smile in fujis route.. .uuuuu😭😭😭

I rly like how hes upfront and shameless about being gay and a weirdo yeah king own it!!! him being snarky and cheeky all the time is cute too!! i have more to say but i need to work out how to write it. he is important 2 me💖

-----

quick thoughts on non datable character stuff:

Ikuina - I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH i like guys who are so horny they become useless. his euphoria scene is really great LOL i know they dont but it would be fun if he and towa could be friends afterwards. can someone hack the game give him a route .

asakura- HIS TASTES ASIDE i think he was actually really interesting and cool to read about!!!! the angel thing was dope.. towa getting the wings.. so COOL

the guy in reis chap 2 mizuno was it??? was that his brothers name??? anyway i wasnt that interested in him LOL not much to say here

Mayu - SLAY HIS ENDING IS SOOO FUNNY.. stan a guy with like 3-4 clear nendoroids i like him

kotarou- ending should have been in a cleaner bathroom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eiji- I LOVE EIJI HE IS SOOOO CUTE AND FUN

SORRY TO WRITE AN ESSAY THERE IS SO MUCH I DONT THINK IVE EVEN ADDRESSED HERE LMFAO GAME TOO GOOD!!

[just-some-random-blogger]

good day or evening from the mingming<з THIS KITTY is me when you say 28C is cold... 'i dont expect them to' actually i dont too. want some quality time with my catmom. meowmeow. but YOU. youre cruel... but fine i found you so its alright. im not religious so i cant fully understand you but. if it helps you and makes you feel confident, ig its good. bc its true. 'i hate war' true. tbh, 99% of destruction (which includes killing, violence and all) is the ugliest thing and has no right to exist. im so glad youve found your peace at loving yourself. maybe if all people could do it, there wouldnt be so much destruction. thanks for your support TT luv u so much TT 'i can be contrary and always build people up' ig you can. guess you are. you have a very welcoming and supportive image. HAJDHJS i'm glad youre good. no but should i be offended by this dry comparison??.... im not typing it on the phone to insert emojis love no TT 'favorite things FOOOOOD' YEEEEY it already sounds good! oh i love rice too! champorado looks tasty. its really uncommon for me so its reallyreally interesting. do you think we like any warm food bc its cold here?? we literally have okroshka... omg its so intriguing to learn abt things' history?? and mexican stuff? wow sounds surprising to me. like ive said im bad at history.. so yeah its really educational lol. omg you made spain look so cunning and mysterious (: you probably didnt mean it to but sounds so conspiratorially... 'what does poka mean?' bye. you didnt want me to message you so i said bye >:( too many symbols omgomg what speech? hope your hw is alright too... ok its your right to not continue watching. but that poor guy... you abandoned him... 'this was so dry i was like' i tend to sound pretty convincingly so dont worry youre not my only victim. should i call you saint hannah or saint catmom now?... 'I LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS GIVE BOYS FLOWERS' oooh flowers are pretty themselves. i need someone to give me flowers first. then ill think. 'IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEANT TO CONFUSE YOU' its ok its my revenge for dante. i learnt what it meant. yeah classical literature is a chore but... ive got a classical literature exam... i have no choice.... its pretty sometimes but when youre obliged to read it, esp at school... it wasnt meant for teens guys... ESPECIALLY russian classical literature.... can you tell anything abt filipino literature? 'her dad an ugly rat L' ig its not enough for him. even cunt is not enough for him. hasjsjs this aemond meme TT so true TT and i cant watch the tiktok as its banned in russia but i hope you laugh for me! also abt them! im finally watching official hotd's bts and WOW its so impressive? ig i needed to watch it insted of the series and wouldve been more satisfied. how were your classes? tell me more abt filipino culture please! its interesting! have a nice day/evening/night/life! love you! take care<з

HELLO MUNING <3

me playing the piano HAHAHAHAH

you know my mom is so so so good at playing piano. i am 99.9 percent sure that i got my love for music from her. i always wanted to learn how to play as good as her, and i mean i guess i could always practice but like she's so good that whenever she hears me she gets mad when i get it wrong T_T i means she isnt like that anymore but the trauma is real

THIS KITTY is me when you say 28C is cold...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA

i meant its not cold but sometimes the air gets kinda cold HAHAHAH

'i dont expect them to' actually i dont too. want some quality time with my catmom. meowmeow. but YOU. youre cruel... but fine i found you so its alright.

quality time time haha ????????? WHY AM I CRUEL THIS TIME T_T

im not religious so i cant fully understand you but. if it helps you and makes you feel confident, ig its good. bc its true.

lol honestly its not that im religious either. i dont have the oppurtunity to go to church but i have a personal relationship with God so thats what that it. its so much easier to believe in God than yourself to be honest. i hope you find your confidence too!

'i hate war' true. tbh, 99% of destruction (which includes killing, violence and all) is the ugliest thing and has no right to exist. im so glad youve found your peace at loving yourself. maybe if all people could do it, there wouldnt be so much destruction.

WAR BOOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 war ugly L EW 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎 im glad ive found my peace too. its a constant process and progress though. it fluctuates. sometimes i love myself SO MUCH sometimes like.... 1/9 sometimes 10000% sometimes .00000000000000000001 so like again my constant is God who never changes. dont be hard on yourself if you cant love yourself sO MUCH. baby steps count! progress is not linear!

i do also think if people found more love not just form themselves but others too there wouldnt be war. the irony in love is the more you give it away, the more you have!!!! I LOVE LOVE!!!!! that's why i have a lot of love to give! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞCOS I LIKE GIVING IT AWAY

thanks for your support TT luv u so much TT

'i can be contrary and always build people up' ig you can. guess you are. you have a very welcoming and supportive image.

love that for me

HAJDHJS i'm glad youre good.

я всегда голоден. 24/7

no but should i be offended by this dry comparison??.... im not typing it on the phone to insert emojis love no TT

HAHAHHAHAHAH that's fine. it's a russian thing ig AHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH it'S NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE! it's a hasty generalisation fallacy but hahahha in my head its canon lol HAHHAHAHA

'favorite things FOOOOOD' YEEEEY it already sounds good! oh i love rice too! champorado looks tasty. its really uncommon for me so its reallyreally interesting. do you think we like any warm food bc its cold here?? we literally have okroshka...

well i mean i would assume if its too cold you'd want to eat smth warm no? its not to say you dont like cold things either . IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE CHAMPORADO MY MOM MADE CHAMPORADO AND IT WAS SAAAAUUURRRR GOOOOD i love eating. imma show you another dish i love love love love so much

GINATAN

OK OK I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU

so ginatan or ginataan comes from the word gata which is like coconut milk like like the creamy version cos coconut milk has like a juice version but that's just juice the coconut milk is from like squeezed coconut flesh hehe lol. ok so ginataan means like 'a dish with gata/you put gata'

and theres like a savory version of ginataan

idk in the internet it has a g as in ginataang which i guess makes sense cos if you said, ginataang hipon, that means shrimp (hipon) with coconut milk (ginataang lol)

but you can literally call any dish with coconut milk ginataang. but that's like the savory version.

idk honestly sometimes when someone says we have ginataang i get bamboozled and think its ginatan (which is the dessert) so even i get it confused but i think the difference (in the name) is that if its the dessert, we say ginatan, with one a in the end and if its the savory dish (IDK WHAT TO CALL IT IN ENGLISH IN FILIPINO ITS ULAM AND ITS WHAT WE EAT WITH RICE AND IDK IF THERES AN EQUIVALENT OF THAT IN RUSSIAN SO IMMA JUST CALL IT SAVORY DISH) its ginataang

ANYWAY super side tracked.

Ginatan

this one! ^^^^^^^^^ 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 has got to be one if not MY MOST FAVORITE food ever ever ever (ok maybe dessert lol)

there are many variations of it but my fav is the one with bilo-bilo which is usually called ginatang halo-halo HAHAHAHH we like saying things twice. ok halo-halo basically means mix-mix and it's also a dessert!!!

ITS ALSO ONE OF MY FAVORITE I LOVE FOOD SO MUCHL:ASHDFLAHSFLHASFaf

the reason why both of those are called halo-halo is because its mixed with A LOT of different things. (i'll talk about halo-halo first ig)

halohalo (im too lazy to put the -) has like ube ice cream, ube (that's actually ube T_T oh ube hayala its called HAHAHAAH (you can put that in bread! and its sweet! HAHHA

it also has leche flan (you know that right? HAHAHH like flan but we call it leche flan cos milk is leche in spanish) it also has gulaman!!!

its fundamentally like jelly ig

then nata de coco (tbh less people put it there and i think thats sad)

this is kind of like gulaman but harder and sweeter and sometimes it leaves a pulp in your mouth!!! ?????!!?!?!?!? it kinda hard to explain but its also from coconuts i have no idea how its made

a lot of southeast asian countries love coconuts YAY COCONUTS

it also has sago

or like what english speakers say tapioca pearls ? its kind of the same for the one in bobba milk tea things if youve ever tried it but i would say the bobba ones are much much chewier and sweeter. sago (at least in halohalo is more on a neutral side ??? i think but still chewy!!!)

it also has beans, like red beans T_T i used to hatE THEM but now i like them

i might be forgetting something but i

OH WAIT

they also put ^^ macapuno, which is like sweet coconut strands its really sticky IDK SOME TASTE LIKE WAX AND I THINK ITS A MANUFACTURING THING which is why i kinda dont like it idk the pic looks kinda gross but i couldnt find anything else lhf;lhasfa

anyway i think thats all HAHAHAH I GOT SIDE TRACKED SO BADLY AND WENT TO HALOHALO INSTEAD OF GINATAN HALOHALO HAHHAHAHAHAAH

anyway lets go back to that

ginatan has saba which is a type of banana, not like the ones you put in idk banana splits

this is it. some people like to boil this T_T (NOT ME) and eat it like that. i dont want to yuck someones yum but i really dont like it. i dont like it when people cook/process banana (with some very few exceptions like ginatan)

kamote (idk what it is in english T_T i think its yam?????????????????? SWEET POTATO??????? idk it has different colors and stuff my mom puts the purple ones in her ginatan AY NVM SHE DOESNT LIKE PUTTING KAMOTE IN HERS COS SHE DOESNT LIKE IT HAHAHHAH NVM but yeah

this is kamote T_T

and then gabi which is taro i think T_T idk either. you might get confused if you search it cos its also the word for night in filipino. GAbi is the food gaBI is night lol

anyway here it is! im like ....... 55% sure its taro HAHHAHA

ginatan also has sago, sometimes big ones sometimes mini ones, it depends on what you want

AND THE BEST INGREDIENT OF IT ALL BILO-BILO

it's basically the big white chew balls in the... the soup? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IDK WHAT ITS CALLED ITS NOT A SOUP HAHAHHHAAHHAH but while were talking about the soup its basically just coconut milk water and sugar thats it

ANYWAY BILO-BILO IS SUPER CHEWY AND SOFT AND AMAZING AND DELICIOUS AND ITS MADE FROM GALAPONG which is basically like glutinous rice + water =

^^^^ this. you can use this to make more but i cant think of anything rn AHHAHAH also i made this post so long already HAAHHAHAHAHAH

that's it for food today HAHAHAHAHAHA

omg its so intriguing to learn abt things' history?? and mexican stuff? wow sounds surprising to me. like ive said im bad at history.. so yeah its really educational lol.

HAHAA i dont remember you saying you were bad at history i just remember you telling me a bit about russian history and literature and i was like 'i gotta get this right cos she good at history or whatevah GAAAAAAAAAAH' HAHHHHAAHAHAHH

i also like learning about history tbh, especially when its said in an interesting way. cos when i think of my classes in school its so T_T boring, but when i watch youtube videos its SO MUCH FUN!!!

omg you made spain look so cunning and mysterious (: you probably didnt mean it to but sounds so conspiratorially...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA ITS NOT A CONSPIRACY ITS LIKE REAL!!!!!! this is how i explain stuff to my classmates when we go through lessons and its easier for them to understand and easier for me to explain. i mean to be fair, spain conquered us for ~333 years sooooo yeah pretty cunning and maybe half mysterious cos eventually the pilipinos were like ???? bruh you've been treating us poorly the entire time AND stealing from us ???? GTFO

'what does poka mean?' bye. you didnt want me to message you so i said bye >:( too many symbols

I LITERALLY HAD TO GO BACK TO THAT MESSAGE I THOUGHT YOU SAID 'i can give long messages or smth' NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND you can send me 10000000000 messages id read them all but it will take a while.

omgomg what speech?

it was a speech by our second president Manuel L. Quezon. it was basically declaring Filipino as our lingua franca/national language cos up til then, a little after WWII ?? i think or NO before WWII we didnt have one and the last time i researched about it, i think the philippines has the most spoken languages ever in the world? ok lemme just google it

nvm google said its papua new guinea HAHAHHAH but we have so many languages in the ph and at the time, because of our colonizers, like spanish was prevalent then the americans came so english was next, and then we got our own govt and pres was like 'Ok our language is going to be called filipino which is based on Tagalog'

AND CAN I JUST TELL YOU

;KLASGFL;ASGHFLASFLSAHSAFH FUCKING FUCKING IDIOTS THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID AND KNOW IT ALL I HATE FIL-AMS FUCK OFF YOU POSER RAT T_T ok ignore that i was talking to these 3 strangers on this walkie-talkie thing and they were supposedly all filipino BUT FROM THE STATES AND I TOLD THEM MY FIRST LANGAUGE IS FILIPINO AND THEY HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO CORRECT ME AND SAY ITS TAGALOG NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT WHO CANT DIFFERENCIATE YOUR AND YOURE FUCK YOU DONT CORRECT ME ABOUT MY OWN FUCKING LANGAUGE IM PRETTY SURE YOU CANT EVEN FUCKING SPEAK

i said i wont cuss but THEY PISS ME OFF SO BAD FUCK YOU RAT

ANYWAY they said Filipino is the person and Tagalog is the word. and i was like ? it;s BASED OFF OF TAGALOG BUT TO CALL IT TAGALOG IS REGIONALISM AND UNINCLUSIVE AND ITS CALLED FILIPINO BECAUSE ITS THE UNIFIFED LANGUAGE FUCK YOU YOU KNOW NOTHING Also the person is Pilipino you uneducated rat im sure you would fail in our school system if you went to the phililppines fuck you. OK filipino is acceptable cos its the english version of pilipino /: but RAT still

DID YOU KNOW 70% IN AMERICA IS A PASSING AND HIGH GRADE HAHAHAHH 70 is below failing here /: 75 is like you barely made it. ok dont quote me on that fr BUT I SAW A BUNCH OF TIKTOKS ABOUT IT AND this one foreign girl when to the ph and said she got a 70smth and she was like thats good and she was shocked it was failing

SO YALL DUMB AF GAAAAAAAAAAAH I REALLY HATED THE FACT THOSE THREE 'FILIPINOS 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢' GANGED UP ON ME LIKE THAT I WAS LITERALLY LIKE GOOGLE IT GOOGLE IT YOURE SAYING WHAT I LEARNED IN SCHOOL IN THE FUCKING PHILIPPINES IS WRONG AND THEY WERE LIKE YES

l/aksgf;klSDAGG:KLJggb;jbk;B:GKSJbgjkdlgbddsdfsgdg;glhd;hgl;SDhgli;sdhgl;isdlhgsi;D FUCK YOU IM SO ANGRY

whooo i just admited i was angry and i dont like that T_T inner peace

i forgive them

omg that was so hard to type

ANYWAY im hot and smart they're YUCKY! God bless america.

WOW that was a long rant

hope your hw is alright too...

my homework is fine ig HAHAHAH

ok its your right to not continue watching. but that poor guy... you abandoned him...

i might come back for it cos im kinda intruiged BUT I BORROWED A BUNCH FO SANDMAN FANFICS AND GAAAHHH I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THEM IN OUR LIBRARY AND IM SO EXCITED TO READ THEM LASGHFASFSAFSAF SOOOOOOO SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T i felt so happy to go to the library AND BORROW BOOKS I WAS SKIPPING ANG JUMPING AROUND AL:SIFLASFSAFH

i was actually looking for this book

because the author was promoting it on tiktok and it looks sooooooo interesting T_T I WANT IT but i cant they didnt have it yet T_T bUT THEN I SAW THE SANDMAN ON DISPLAY AND I WAS LIKE LAHSKFKSAHFAUSSHAS I MUST HAVE IT and i borrowed 4 comic books T_T IM SO HAPPY

that can only mean im probably not going to post as much AHHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAH let me enjoy my comics first i only got a week to finish em and im SO EXCITED<3 im going to cry

'this was so dry i was like' i tend to sound pretty convincingly so dont worry youre not my only victim.

HAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA

should i call you saint hannah or saint catmom now?...

AHAHAHA lol you can ??????? BUT just cos ur in the bible doesnt mean ur a saint HAHHHAH HAHAHAHAH but idc i dont mind lolololol HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

'I LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS GIVE BOYS FLOWERS' oooh flowers are pretty themselves. i need someone to give me flowers first. then ill think.

IVE NEVER RECEIVED FLOWERS FLOWERS EITHER lol jk i got one flower from my bestie she gave all her friends one rose then another from my classmatein grade 4 who gave all the class officers a rose. but thats it hahahahah. if i really liked a guy, id give him flowers <3

'IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEANT TO CONFUSE YOU' its ok its my revenge for dante. i learnt what it meant.

HAHAAHHAHAH ok then AHHAHA

yeah classical literature is a chore but... ive got a classical literature exam... i have no choice.... its pretty sometimes but when youre obliged to read it, esp at school... it wasnt meant for teens guys... ESPECIALLY russian classical literature....

so true. i find it hard to believe that boys rule the world. have you met a boy? THEY FUCKING DUMB. yeah simply because you HAVE to read it it feels like so bad to do T_T HAHAHAAH. i did very much enjoy my literature classes. my teacher was nice and me and my friends were nerds so AHHAAHAHAH we actually read the stories, except for that one time and no one in class answered, even me T_T and she was so disappointed in us and i was like IVE LET YOU DOWN T_T

can you tell anything abt filipino literature?

ok i was going to talk about one of the stories by our national hero but thats so basic. imma tell you about one of the pieces we read for that said literauture class. Under my Invisible Umbrella by Laurel Flores Fantauzzo. it's a personal essay which basically is about white privelage in the ph

the author laural is half pilipino and italian but she looks fully foreign ig and so she basically gets treated differently, better because of it. im actually like her, but insteaf of being half italian, i'm half jordanian so i get what she means on a real level. it goes both ways though i get good and back reactions

this is kind linked to by for a while i didnt believe i was pretty because my perceived beauty was only based on how foreign i looked. T_T its so weird/hard to talk about cos no one gets it and so sometimes i feel like an imposter. when other people around me say im pretty do they mean that because i am or because i just look foreign?

ANYWAY im hot. (:

'her dad an ugly rat L' ig its not enough for him. even cunt is not enough for him.

so true he's so trash ew ew ew

hasjsjs this aemond meme TT so true TT and i cant watch the tiktok as its banned in russia but i hope you laugh for me!

i gotchu

i found the one with the brown door AHHAAHAHHA it's the same guy though

also abt them! im finally watching official hotd's bts and WOW its so impressive? ig i needed to watch it insted of the series and wouldve been more satisfied.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

how were your classes?

my classes were ok HAHAHAH my teacher got upset with my classmate (its the first time i saw him angry i was scared) T_T well i mean my classmate was begging to sleep, legit he pulled a chair and laid down so my teacher when 'ok you do this next thing' and made him do the demonstration of plugging our equipment LOL KSKSSKSKSKK

tell me more abt filipino culture please! its interesting!

i'll tell you more next letter! i said so much this time HAHAHAH. i'll tell you about the works of our national hero!

have a nice day/evening/night/life! love you! take care<з

i hope you also have a good day baby cakes im luv u <3

stay safe do good <3

xxx

[bronx-aro]

One thing i think is really interesting with both the Undertale and Deltarune fandom is that even though the characters are quite developped, everyone i see seems to have the felt the same way when they experienced the story. (Alphys and Berdly seems to be the exeption to that for each game, but i will get into that later).

And while it's really cool to see everyone share their feelings and how much they love these stories, i never actually see discuss the way it made them feels outside of in the moment let's play, and maybe a joke about photoshop flowey, the genocide run/snowgrave and killing toriel.

So, and bear with me here, because i'm going to rant a bit about how my experience with both IT and deltarune chapter 2 seem to differ from most people's.

I DID NOT LIKE PAPYRUS AND QUEEN WHEN FIRST PLAYING.

Queen especially, Papyrus i like better now but he's still probably at the bottom of the list of my favorite "main" characters for UT now.

Okay, before you bring out the pitchforks for the Papyrus slander, i want to explain a few things.

When i first played UT, the only thing i knew about it was the "wanna have a bad time" meme, Sans apparence and the fact their was multiple routes deoending on your actions.

So i played a bit, killed toriel, felt really bad and reset because there was no way this was part of whatever "good" route i knew existed. Flowey gave me an existantial crisis so bad it made me reconsider my entire life choices and made me aware to my core that everything here actually mattered, that what i did mattered, if not to them, then to me.

Needless to say that was ingrained in me whenever i played UT and afterward DR.

So here i was, freaked out, and then immediatly introduced to the squelbros. I knew there was more to Sans that met the eye but his demeanor was so chill i knew he was a companion i would enjoy to have along.

Do any of you remember meeting Papyrus for the first time? Because it was with him having been described as a human hunting fanatic.

Not a good start to my already nervous ass. To say i was apprehensive was an understatment. Because even if he seemed aloof, you dont need to be smart and collected to hurt someone. Even if it became obvious quite quickly he wabted to capture me and not kill me, it took me until i fought with him to realise that he actually wouldnt hurt me even by accident.

I DID enjoy all the puzzles and interractions before snowdin, but i probably wouldnt have been as relaxed playing it if Sans wasnt out there keeping an eyesocket out for me.

So! First impression of Papyrus? A bit nerve wacking, but it was still funny so it can only go up from there? Right?

Right?

...

Okay, let's go about the date.

I didnt want to be there. At all. I purposfully didnt flirt with him the whole fight because the entire idea made me uncomfortable to my core. I was SO relieved at the end it. The actual date was alright, i guess, but it made me feel bad more than it made me have a fun time.

Okay, a rough patch. What's next?

Him introducing us to Undyne!

And that was when i realised why didnt like him all that much. Yeah, he's good hearted and all, but... He just pulls me everywhere assuming that this fine. He kept projecting his own wants onto me, and everyone around him, and never took the rejection well. Sans being a sentry? Hil and Undyne's whole thing? Clear exemple of that.

And yeah, they might have went along with it because they cared, but the game didnt give me that choice, either. And even outside of that, he clearly had trouble considering other peoples points of view and accepting them.

All of that, combined with the mask of the great papyrus he puts on making it hard to know what is true, exageration, or something he might have deluded himself into thinking was true, made it pretty hard to connect with him.

...

So! That's it with Papyrus! It's a perspective i have wanted to share for a while but seeing how the fandom could fall into the whole "if anyone says anything bad about this character ever i would murder them" thing i wasnt really comfortable doing it unless in longpost format.

...

So now, let's talk about Queen!

Unlike with Papyrus, i was actually really freaking surprised to see that seemingly nobody felt the same way about her than i did. Like, i was downright gobsmacked. So, unlike with UT, i will begin this by the end of the stories: me interracting, ith the fandom after i played.

I started with the classic route of watching let's plays. After switching between a few different people's first episode, i thought the reason why thay didnt seem to take her seriously in any kind of way was because they were, well, youtubers. It is their job to both play games and entertain. Of course they would focus on the jokes if the hundred game they played this year, it made sense.

So i switched to analysis/commentary videos and hanging around on tumblr. And realised that, no, actually i was the outlier here. It felt like getting punched in the gut.

So! Here i was, watching the while fandom proclaim how much they loved queen, how funny she was, ect. As if her entire personnality was just to make bad computer jokes and race tracks.

Because that was NOT what i saw.

I saw an unstable person (who kept drinking so i also assumed drunk/alcoholic) that had kidnapped and was stalking a kid. I saw someone out of touch with reality that could go from being happy and playing a game to trying to kill you. I saw an obsessive, looming figure that was always around the corner.

I saw someone who saw proceeded to, depending on the character, try and entice them by promising them all they wanted, ignore them completly even when they wanted nothing more than a shred of attention, and just generally took advantage of what she perceived to be other peoples emotionnal weakness to try and have them do what she wanted to. Wether that was creating a dark fountain, being her minion or stopping their attempts at stopping her.

She was one of the most menacing villain i ever met. Manipulative, Obsessive, Unpredictable and otherwise seemingly Unstable. Each of her apparenced filled me with dread.

The only time i saw someone acknowledging any of this was a video essay about how she could represent a different kind of mother to each of the charaters (absent, overbearing, negligent, love bombing...). It made me feel SO much better about my experience with it.

...

So yeah, i really wanted to share my perspective on these characters since most of the UT/DR dont seem to have shared that particular kind of analysis before.

Also, since i mentionned in the intro: I feel like Alphys and Berdly suffered from the fact that geekt people are seem as annoying. Like, i saw SO many people get angry/annoyed at seeing Berdly when they only saw less than 10 pieces of dialogue before. He's such a fun character but get immediatly cast asside because he can be a bit prickly. He's ridiculous and over the top, but so are so many characters. He's just a kid who is bad at social interractions and thinks being better than everyone means he will get more love/attention. I wish more people would actually give him a chance instead of writing him off right away.

As for Alphys, a lot of the people who feel negatively about her do so after playing the pacifist ending and being angry at her actions. But i feel like even before people got to that point, the whole "texting everywhere" in hot land made some people annoyed enough that they disliked her for it. I wasnt in that case and actually quite liked the whole thing but i get where people are coming from. It's honesly the only section i can think off where i saw the fandom being really split in how they felt about the her when first encountering her.

If anyone wants to share their own experiences and how it affected them while playing, PLEASE do so! Especially if you feel like it's not a commun one!

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

So! Two days ago, he mentioned that their college was having an open day (he’s 24, a little concerning to me that he chose to continue studying rather than working because he already has a diploma but again! Friends, friends. Not potential lover. Wake up!!!)

Now this open day was for 3 days and the last day being my day off from work. What was funny was that, he invited me on the last day! The guy who said he didnt want to meet is now inviting me to meet him! I was confused.

And i was like “huh?” Why would i go? Im part of the working class now, im not interested in college 😂 but he was like i can bring you around for a tour! And i told him i already had plans that day (which was planned like 2 weeks prior for the whole afternoon to evening and im severely introverted so i can only meet one circle of friends at one time before my social batt runs out completely). And he was like well theres your chance! And i was semi-frantic. like shit what if we really dont meet each other at all then all this would just stay as online interactions which i dont want!!!!!!! Anyway was that manipulation? What he said? I dont know but i gave in anyway. I had time in the morning so we agreed to meet then.

I wasnt too pressured which was crazy. If someone actually suggested to meet from online years ago, i wouldve FLED THE SCENE bc the fear of being seen scared me. But the nerves started developing a few hours before meeting him. That same fear of: shit what if i dont look like the girl in my pic or what if i seem uglier in person bla bla. And again i also dont know how he really looks like which made me more nervous bc what happens if he isnt cute. BUT AGAIN i told myself why am i thinking these things. This dude literally said to be just friends so friends dont need to impress each other. So that was what got me through my nerves.

a few mins before heading there, he sent a photo of himself for ref and NOW he looks short 😂😭😭😭 i was like @ god: god if you hear me please atleast let him be taller than me pls. And btw he looks okay! Hes not as he claims to be lmaooo. He said on text k oppa and hes quarter chinese. And he said once a korean dad wanted to intro him to his daughter. So that means handsome right? Well i guess his looks might pass for others. But in a different scenario, and we met before, i wouldve just walked past him without looking up so LOL.

Anyway so i came at 11:30 and met him! Thank god, hes taller than me 😂😂😂😂😂 but just by 4-5cm? Hes really sweet and i like his voice and hes very gentle, you can tell by his gestures. And how he uses like a softer tone when hes speaking to me. And if he didnt tell me he was an introvert, i wouldve assumed he was extroverted. Because its the way he goes around talking to people so casually makes me think so. Hes in student council so hes a pretty busy guy.

we only talked and walked for an hour before we had to go bc he had stuff to do, and i needed to slot in a quick nap before meeting my friends in the next hour (spoiler: i didnt get my rest😭😭) Basically the whole thing was okay and i would love to sit down and meet him again. We still texted after meeting up so i assume he thought i was okay too. But AHHHHHH AHHHHHH i cant believe i did that AHHHHHHHHHGHGH who is sheeeeeee im still recovering from all that social interaction huhu :(

[zapsoda]

honestly didnt even consider that the line between private/personal communication cause it seems so obvious to me in my mind eheheh. like. its about intended audience. a published work or speech is meant to be understood by large swathes of people.

a fisherman talking to his friend is just talking to his friend. it doesnt matter how he speaks or even if he gets his message across, unless the friend particularly wants to learn, in which case they are capable of, and have the opportunity to, ask further questions. even in a small group of people, they can get to know him as a person, and understand any quirks or nuances in the way he communicates. a crowd of strangers will not have that opportunity.

with a "larger audience," like a crowd of strangers or readers from across the world, that direct ability to clarify oneself after the fact becomes much more difficult (if not impossible), which is why getting it right the first time suddenly becomes important.

some posts can be intended to reach a large audience, in which case, (assuming the message itself is of high importance - not rlly talking about simplistic jokes or shitposts) paying attention to clear wording is important.

on the other hand, a lot of people post for themselves, they use (for example) tumblr as a diary, or to communicate only with friends, and thus might not worry about how others will interpret their words.

this, of course, has nothing to do with whether or not a text is classified as literature. literature is just textual art. i may have made a mistake in my word choice previously to give the opposite impression ahaha. like kafkas diaries. they werent meant for anyone else to see afaik, so his meaning in many places can be widely disputed, but they are still influential pieces of literature regardless. it doesnt matter that kafka wasnt clear with his meaning because, even though it has been read by others, it wasnt meant for them, it was meant for himself.

to be honest i dont understand the significance of what is or isnt a "term," just generally speaking ahah. it just seems like a word to me and if people understand what is meant by it the exact nuances are inconsequential. i get the point of the example, of course, i just found that interesting.

regarding the specific quote (im paraphrasing because tumblr wont let me copy text 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔) "you could go all in and say, fuck the rules, as long as its understandable, it is proper english" and like, yeah sure, i guess, but the way i see it, rules and consistency are inherently what make a text understandable. which is basically sort of like what you said in the last paragraph kind of. a little bit.

to elaborate, even if it seems like someone is disregarding all "rules" of english (idk. dril for example) by nature of their words having a meaning that can be understood, i think that inherently they must be following some set of rules. thats what language is to me i feel like. a set of guidelines for communication, which can and will be bent or evolved when needed, but maintain a core structure so that it can be widely understood. like whst you said! :Dhope that makes sense lol.

this is why i think some rules take priority over others. in most cases, capitalization can be removed without altering the meaning of a text negatively, sometimes even improving it (example: SANS SERIF FONTS, IN WHICH CAPITAL "i" AND LOWERCASE "L" ARE ENTIRELY INDISTINGUISHABLE) (of course, there are exceptions to this, there is a reason why people began to capitalize words ^_^)

its the same way with spelling, many spelling mistakes can maintain the intended meaning of the text, and even add meaning as opposed to taking it away, while some spelling mistakes are severe enough to make the text completely illegible.

the rules i value most, personally, are word choice and order because they can drastically change the meaning of a text, in a way i notice frequently online or in fiction. a classic example is the perceived difference between a "cabin in the woods" and a "cottage in the forest," or even with a more juvenile example, the difference between a "butt dial" and a "booty call."

these are really basic examples, i cant think of a more complex or applicable one off the top of my head. just imagine all those strongly worded tumblr posts that are trying to make a good point or spread a good message, but are so hateful and vitriolic in their words, that they even alienate those who agree with them. that would be an example of a situation where correcting wording would serve the purpose of the text and clarify its meaning from "gahh i hate this thing and all of you" to "we, collectively, should try to improve this thing." if that. makes sense. aha

i think what im most passionate about is like writing/rhetoric/argument. and linguistics, of course, are an intrinsic part of that :33. if not doing it myself, then analyzing it. my fave thing in the world i loved ap lang (the words ap lang might mean nothing to you idk if collegeboard chills with the french lol) (advanced placement language and composition - a college credit course about utilizing analyzing rhetoric in writing, for reference)

to clarify my opinion on "proper" english, idfc how people write in their personal lives/to friends or family/etc, but in professional/published works- or anything that is meant to be understood by a wider audience i think the clarity provided by adhering to certain grammatical rules and structure is veeerrry important eheheh. for the sake of ease of communication!

i try to be pretty careful about my word choice and order allll the time for that reason, even if i drop a lot of proper spelling/capitalization/punctuation for casual dialogue.

nonetheless, i think when people act intentionally obtuse just to shame people for speaking casually/colloquially/with slang/whatever thats stupid and evil etc. hate when people do that. i might not understand a lot of it, but it has the right to exist yk! it is just as worthy of respect ^_^

anyways i think this topic is very interesting as well its something i enjoy talking about :33

once again i dare ask, where does the professional/private begins and stops? thats a big debate we had in termonology class (terminology , the science of terms aka specialised & professional words). some terminologists argue that terms are only employed in the field by top-notch experts to top-notch experts and nothing else qualifies as a term. other terminologists argue that funk that: "spoonful" is a term because it belongs to the professional sector of cooking, disregarding how common/unspecialised it may be (they dont actually disregard it but yknow). also some guy who goes fishing as a hobby every week and starts talking about the components of his rod to his friends: not an expert (meaning doesn't work as a fisherman)! but using specialised words! should they count as terms or common words? should that be considered professional discussion cuz the terms or private discussion cuz he's talking to a friend? anyways it's just to say that the gap between professional and private discussions may not be so clear

on a same note, what is a wider audience? we're on the internet literally everyone could read that post, making it, by its nature, designed for a wide audience. should every tumblr post thus should have proper english? likewise, works that were only notes and scribbles, like Les Pensées by Pascal that were published post-mortem... it was not meant for a wider audience in that state and is not always using proper French. due to this, are thus Les Pensées not a piece of literature anymore? (kinda teasing w this paragraph hehe but you see the issue i'm poking)

like you said the most important task of a language is not to be proper. it is to be spoken but also to be effective. to enable communication. we could also go all in and dare say, funk the rules as long as a message or piece or literature is understandable, it is proper english!! arguably, every broken rule of proper english creates a new variation of english that could be its own proper variation english (like UK english, US english, NZ english, etc, coexist together as proper englishes)

also youre soso true about the shaming stuff. dawg that pisses me OFF. that's why fuck the Académie Française i wish i could dismember that bullshit of an institution. they are the ones "making the rules" of French but NONE OF THOSE FUCKERS ARE LINGUISTS AND ALSO ARE ALL 109 YEARS OLD HOW CAN THEY im cool im cool [insert the hades calming down gif]. anyways. language belongs to the people so whatever they do with it it's fine as long as they have fun and are themselves <3

on a final note i'm heavily arguing against you here but i think you're overall right nonetheless :p rigor may not always be needed in a language but languages need a strong basis and grammatical rules to exist and actually make the communication efficient!! i perfectly see your points and they are very legit

[memecucker]

ive never been to jail but i had a roommate that did and the incident actually had news articles about it so im gonna be vague but he hosted a party at his first school and a guest ended up shooting themself in the face with a gun owned by his then roommate. And what happened after that is my roomate and a bunch of other people got arrested and sent to jail and while in jail my roommate’s lawyer told him that he strongly suggests that they try and fight the DA from formally pressing charges (which probably wouldve been some type of manslaughter probably negligent since it wasnt his gun nor did anyone say it was his idea to play around with it while drunk but he did host the party) so he could have a clean record because being aquitted of manslaughter still doesnt look good. And I guess since he was in custody but wasnt charged yet there was no bond set because that comes after charges are accepted by a judge he just had to stay in jail for awhile. 

And when they moved him to county jail, for some reason, despite being a young college guy with a clean record, they decided to assign him to the inmate pod that is normally reserved for “Repeat violent offenders or inmates otherwise judged to pose a danger to themselves or others” despite the fact that if he allowed the charges to stick it wouldve been a first offense of someone with a clean record and no ties to organized crime. So essentially he got sent to the part of the jail that emulates a maximum security prison since thats where a lot of those guys are heading so it was the part of the jail with the worst conditions, the most terrifying inmates and the most sadistic guards but before that even happened he had to spend two weeks in solitary and was going utterly insane from that and he didnt know what was worse losing your mind and sense of self or living in terror of your life everyday. And his first cellmate was a middle aged white guy that my roommate initially saw as being one of the few normal-seeming inmates in a pod filled with actual killers and he just had no interest in spoiling that by asking the dude what his charges are since they got along but a few days later he saw him get beaten nearly to death by because a news article came out naming that guy as a child killer. Also since my roommate was white the Aryan Brotherhood basically had ‘sovereignty’ over him and he’d get approached by guys covered in Nazi tattoos wanting to ‘show him how things work’ but usually it was to extort commissary out of him but you see my roommate was also Jewish so the Aryan Brotherhood are definitely not “his people” nor is he “their people” so that was just constant terror. And his second cellmate was a really tall Black dude accused of murdering his girlfriend and he had the weird habit of getting up in the middle of the night to just stare at my roommate (supposedly) sleeping for long periods of time which was also terrifying. Anyway that actually ended up working out because he essentially became his cellmates ‘personal servant’ (you probably know the actual word inmates would use for this situation but I dont want to sound like Im insulting my roommate for doing the intelligent thing when it comes to survival) by doing all the chores for the cell, taking care of laundry, taking dictation for letters to the guy’s lawyer since prison letters have to be handwritten etc in exchange for direct personal protection. And since the guy was not only physically intimidating but also well connected with prison politics and respected in the Folk Nation which was the main Black gang the Aryan Brotherhood people stopped extorting comissary out of my roommate so that was actually the closest things got to working out. And like, maybe in a pod filled with DUIs and people in for mere possession you could get by if you project confidence and the right swagger but not in whats essentially maximum security because thats filled with people that dont give a fuck about killing because theyre not impressed by you not being afraid to fight theyre only impressed if you show you dont give a fuck about committing murder so keeping his head down and sticking with the most benign relationship he could find. 

 Anyway his lawyer’s plan worked and he got out after 6 months. Also one of the first things he did outside was change his facebook privacy settings since people were saying they were gonna look him up and add him

[nick-close]

Ok now that I’m done being bright eyed over the finale I’m gonna be mad again- I don’t take back that it was the best finale it could’ve been I’m just ALSO so. GOD. This might come off as in a harsh tone, so if that’s not your thing you can skip this lol. I do still love the show with all my heart, don’t let my rant make you think otherwise.

Just. Everything with Glenn. EVERYTHING WITH GLENN.

I don’t know how many times I can reiterate he lost fucking EVERYTHING. To come to WHAT? The conclusion he wanted to be in nicks life more? and didn’t wanna be like his dad? Yeah no that seems a lot easier when he’s not,,, a single fucking parent raising a child without a support system huh!

Glenn could’ve come to that same conclusion, fought to get more time with Nick and stuff- without losing over a decade of his life, an eye, his kid, and now having to see the face of his dead wife fucking constantly.

AND GUESS WHAT?

THAT WASNT EVEN THE MAIN PROBLEM IN GLENN AND NICKS RELATIONSHIP!

The main problem was Nick idolizing his dad and them acting more like friends than a parent and child- but guess what? You know how they solved that?

It wasn’t confronting the issue or genuinely making both characters understand and improve their relationship.

It was getting rid of one of the characters. It was exchanging Nick for somebody else because hey!! Nick can’t idolize Glenn if Nick doesn’t fucking exist!

The problem wasn’t fixed!!! They didn’t LEARN from that!! Glenn being away sucked, but it wasn’t their issue! I mean again he was gone for Christmas, as a Christmas cover band. That sucks, but it was his JOB and probably the date they would make the most money so he could support his kid. Working on Christmas feels IMPORTANT for Glenn if his career surrounds that. Touring, and y’know- DJing- were how he was keeping them standing financially. And he fully hid one of those jobs for Nick so that Nick would think he was cool. He wanted Nicks approval just as much as Nick needed his.

I’m not saying Glenn’s ONLY issue was the nick and him being friends instead of family and like. The pressure nick felt to be like him- but I’m saying that that SEEMED to be the main issue that Glenn was supposed to be focused on fixing. That was what was laid out alongside Darryl’s communication issues and Henry’s lack of discipline- they all have other shit. But they had a MAIN issue.

And Glenn’s WAS NEVER SOLVED. WE HAVE NO PROOF HE HAS LEARNED THAT LESSON. Sure, he brought the minions DVD! But again- Glenn not showing interest in things nick liked was NOT THE ISSUE! Even the asmr mention- “Nick liked asmr-“ showed he does listen to things nick says he likes- Nick didn’t TELL Glenn about liking minions until the TRIAL. AGAIN, PART OF THE PROBLEM. HE DIDN’T WANNA MENTION IT CUZ HE KNEW HIS DAD DIDNT LIKE IT. THATTT IS THE PROBLEM.

The problem was ‘I don’t wanna harsh the vibes’. The problem was ‘nick doesn’t wanna talk about his problems incase it ruins Glenn’s mood’ and ‘Glenn doesn’t wanna confront about how he’s feeling incase that ruins nicks mood’. The problem is ‘I’ll do it if it’ll impress you!’

The problem was never ‘Glenn isn’t in Nicks life enough’ or ‘Glenn is too much like his dad.’ Again- those are partially problems as well! But they are NOT NOT NOT what Glenn was meant to get out of whatever sad attempt of an ‘arc’ he got.

No, Glenn got trauma. Glenn got replaced. And Glenn got the message that he was such a bad father to his kid he deserved to either DIE, or spend a lifetime in prison and let his kid go to someone else- and y’know what he did? He fucking chose to let Nick at least grow up with a dad.

And then Glenn was basically comparing himself to a married man with a stable career who... nick...idolized....and...wanted...to..be...exactly...like.... as if the issue was actively NOT Nick wanting to impress him constantly- with another guy that’s fine! No the issue was he was... a single man... with two unstable careers..... (ofc im leaving out details like the weed shit and stuff like that- ik thats bad, I’m not here to defend that- it’s just not the point.)

Glenn was basically told he fucked up SO irrepairably BAD that- he couldn’t learn different like Henry or Darryl or (arguably tbh) Ron- no, he did such a terrible job his son would be better off NOT EXISTING. Narc isn’t Nick. Lil Nicky ISNT NICK. NICK DOES NOT FUCKING EXIST. Glenn spent 12 years of his life raising this fucking kid, even if he wasn’t the best at it. And he has nothing to show for it.

God. I’m actually pissed thinking about it- the cherry on top being bringing Morgan back ofc. Because now he’s not even learning to coparent this kid, or have a fucked up messy little family- he’s just not NEEDED as someone in nicks life. He’s a weird third party invading on this other family he was never a part of because it’s the closest he can get to having his own. Nick has 2 loving fucking parents. Demon Nick talking to Glenn sounds like, PITY. Like it doesn’t sound like he views Glenn as any sort of figure in his life- it sounds like he feels bad so much shit happened to him. And I get it! Nicky has no attachment to Glenn! He’s just trying to be nice to someone who lost fucking everything.

Glenn wasn’t given a chance to change for his kid. He didn’t make the conscious choice to try and better himself. Glenn was put in the corner and told ‘improve’ while the person the improvement was meant to affect stopped existing. Glenn developed- but he sure as fuck didn’t become a better father. Because at the end of the day? He isn’t one. Because at the end of the day, he appearently doesn’t deserve to be one.

I don’t believe every story has to have a moral. But if Glenn’s did, it would be a fucking awful one.

[witchyfroggins]

A/N: haha, i had this idea in mind for awhile so seeing that people havent taken the holden opportunity for a oneshot or reader insert i guess my time has come!

Also the reader is said to be female but you can change it otherwise i dont mind.

Summary: in the unlikely events of an adventurer coming across the gate to the shivering isles in hopes of stopping the infinite loop of the greymarch a ball is to be hosted as a last hurrah.

Warnings: Emotions (possibly)

_______________________________

Everyone in the Isles gathered in Sheoth at this evening dresses in bright or dim clothes dependinf where they rein from. Mania or dementia. You were from (Mania/Dementia) you wore a (Favorite Dress) along with your hair pinned up by a white flower from Mania's garden that you managed to sneak or just take.

The normally deserted streets were littered with people in creative masks and beautiful gowns. You had a white owl mask with real soft feathers. It only covered your eyes so you had a deep (Favorite color) Lipstick on your lips.

You were new to the isles so the reason for this beautiful Mascerade was a mystery to you but you'll enjoy it nonetheless.

Everyone was enjoying their time. Chatting with eachother, drinking and eating as they waited for the arrival of their very special guest. You knew who it was of course, the famed daedric prince of madness, sheogorath.

When you had arrived for the first time. You were confused and scared, the white bearded man welcomed you with a surprisingly warm smile on his face. Why did you not kill you? You never found out.

After that, in time you managed to serve under him from (Mania/Dementia). You always admired him. Your fear faded as soon as you looked into those golden cat like eyes. You, for a lack of a better word, interested in this prince. He could also say the same for you.

Presenting yourself so rawly to him. It was if he could see a fraction of himself in your eyes. You were nothing like the other mortals who had been sent to him after a a gruesome death. He wanted to get to know you better. So you stayed.

Back at the ball you navigated your way to the small bar that had been set up to get a drink. You were a nervous wreck, you weren't one to always wear fancy clothes. Let alone be in a fancy ball. This might as well be your first time.

As you were sipping on a glass of red wine the noise of the ball faded as everyone gazed upon the stairs as a figure appeared wearing a rather unfitting suit for the prince of madness. It was purple and styles like your normal Tuxedo but it was decorated with a golden floral pattern on one side while the other was a black thorn pattern. He dawned a golden feline eye mask above his nose.

Of course he was accompanied with his Chamberlain Haskill in his normal attire despite the event.

Everyone soon stopped their conversation as the mad prince raised both of his arms in the air with a wide cat grin on his bearded face.

"Let the Mascerade begin!" He Declared earning a cheer of approval as the floating orchestra began to play a tune on their own.

Everyone went back to their business as the mad prince stood from the top of the stairs gazing at what could be the last heart filled moment in a long time. The greymarch was upon him and he didnt have the courage to tell (y/n). But he couldn't find the right time.

As if by coincidence his eyes landed on her form. Awkwardly shuffling to the back of the room in her beautiful (Favorite color) gown and white owl mask. As if a predator was drawn to its prey he couldn't take his eyes off her.

Normally he would refrain himself from dancing with the locals. It wasnt good for reputation. But he may not get another chance. He cringed at the thought of becoming Jyggalag and hurting her.

As if battling with his own mind he had finally come to a conclusion. You only live once, as mortals say even though he was a daedric god. She could only live once.

Before he could even register what he was doing he found himself moving down the stone stairs. Grabbing the attention of his loyal followers as they fearfully cleared the floor for him as he strided confidently towards you.

It was only when he was a few feet away from you, you realised him. Almost choking on your wine as he stood in front of you in an almost intimidating way. But when you looked up to him as he was taller then you. You could see his eyes. The pupils weren't their usual shape. They were wider, his beautiful yellow irises shy of disappearing.

Quickly you placed your glass down and bowled.

"L-Lord sheogorath, how can i help you?" You asked forcing the words our of your mouth joping to play it cool. However your voice betrayed you at that moment.

You awaited his response. The simplest things could tick him off bu tonight there will always be an exception. He looked down at you, he just laughed. Not his usual maniacal laugh. It was soft almost inaudible to the people around him. But he made certain you heard it.

He hooked a finger under your chin grabbing your attention as he guided your head to look at him. You could feel the heat rise on your cheeks as you gazed up at him. A kind smile on his face.

After a moment he steppes back giving enough space between you two for him to bow to you! A mortal. The crowd began to stir, whispering among themselves as he reaxhed out with his hand.

"A dance? Mi'lady?" He asked in his usual scottish accent that sent a shver down your spine.

You by all means would jump at the chance of dancing with him. But with the people staring and whispering behind their masks she felt as if it was wrong.

"Are you certain my lord?" You asked in an accent of your own. Oh how he loved to hear you speak. It made him feel as if he were flying. Well he can fly but it was different.

He didnt speak a word sending a glare to those around them. And with one swift movement he took you gently by the hand pulling you towards his chest. One arm sliding around your waist with ease.

"Don't mind them my dear. Tonight it's just about you and me" he whispered in your ear. He waited to long for this moment for so long and it was finally here.

He couldn't help but bask in your presence. Your smell, the feeling of you in his arms. It was beautiful. He guided you to the dance floor. Your dress swaying with his movements.

The band began to play once again. The lamps that hung on strings between the buildings changed into a beautiful red hue as it focused only on them.

You averted your eyes from him. To embarrassed to look his way. He wasn't impressed by this and with a small 'tsk' freeing one hand only to hook it under your chin once more as if it never left.

"I dont much like people averting my gaze (y/n). If it wasn't for your exquisite beauty i would have had you displayed as a carpet in my throne room" he stated his voice staying the same mono tone. It almost scared you if not for his hidden compliment.

He enjoyed dancing with you. Having you entwined with his own dark soul as he spun you around. However his glee wouldn't last long. There was still the dire situation to come and he has yet to tell you. Maybe he doesn't.

Sheogorath had a beautiful idea. A way to show his affection for you and get you out of danger.

With one simple movement he spun you around once again before dipping you low enough for your hair to become undone and hit the stone floor. He kept you their for some time. Just admiring how you looked. The red of your cheeks brought out your beautiful (eye color) eyes.

You couldn't hear anything above your own racing heartbeat as the close proximity of your face and his. His breath mingling with yours. Drawing you ever so closer to him.

With out a warning his lips connected with your own. It was just as you imagined it, soft, warm and slightly chasped but it was perfect.

Both of your lips moved in perfect sinc with eachother. As if you were made for him. A perfect mortal molded into his liking without his torment. You were perfect. He couldn't let you call to his lesser half.

He pulled you back onto your feet. Never removing his lips from yours. Spinning you around fast enough that you couldn't see straight. Then the last words you would probably ever hear from him in some time.

"I'm sorry"

His words confused you but as soon as you regained your balance and the world stopprd spinning you realised you were not in the isles anymore. You were in nirn.

____________________________

All done!

Wow! That took longer then i though and it is longer then i thought.

Anyway part 2??

[rint4rous]

hogwarts au! oikawa

a/n: wrote this with a bad headache LMAO so if you see mistakes no you didnt <3

yeah help

anyway

oikawa toru

sixth year slytherin

captain of slytherin quidditch team

this one. very popular with the girls.

always gets gifts and confessed to, he turns them all down nicely tho

he flirts with them a little but never goes out with anyone

thanks but no thanks, hes focusing on quidditch

mostly hangs out with hanamaki, matsukawa, and iwaizumi

you, sixth year gryffindor

a chaser for the quidditch team

actually you and oikawa had a bit of a rivalry thing going on

because oikawa was getting good grades AND is good at quidditch

and it doesnt even look like hes trying.

and he lowkey comes off as arrogant sometimes

and youre like i hate geniuses

the two of you met during first year when he tried playfully hitting iwa in the hallway but iwa dodged

and you happen to be speedwalking past and then next thing you know you get slapped???

you stop walking and turn to oikawa

hes like HOLY CRAPDFHJSHJR

“I AM SO SORRY-”

“it’s alright!”

“are you sure??”

“yeah, it was an accident, right? …. unless it wasnt?”

“NO I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT”

“i thought so! see you ‘round!”

then you skip away

yeah. yall dont really start competing and shit until you found out your mom and his mom had BEEF??? WHEN THEY WERE IN SCHOOL????

you found that out at the end of first year

“i heard tachibana’s son is in your year. or i guess she’s oikawa now.”

youre like yeah what about it

“my dearest y/n, you’re a smart little girl, okay?”

“so make sure you’re better than that oikawa kid, alright?”

and little innocent you is like “ok”

so start of second year, you study and work extra hard

but here’s perfect little oikawa who always knocks you down to second place

at first youre like. i’ll just work harder!

and he joins quidditch and so do you

so you try hard at that too

you’re not like a sore loser or anything so when slytherin wins you shake his hand with a smile

but by the end of the year you’re just kinda :/ now because you never see him studying or practicing spells so how the fuck is he BETTER THAN YOU AT EVERYTHING!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!

third year you come into school with like not very good feelings abt oikawa

and your mom was on your ass about your grades and you’re like omfggg im TRYING OKAY IM TRYING SO HARD

too bad tho thats when he starts liking you …

middle of third year is when you start expressing those feelings for oikawa out loud

“i hate self-centered geniuses. come back down to earth, will you.”

he heard you say when test results came back

and hes like is she talking abt me? lol nah shes probably talking about stupid ushijima over there

and then he finds out you were in fact talking abt him

hes kinda hurt lol

then when the new term rolls in

and the two of you just start talking shit about each other and start arguing all the time

“what’s the answer, l/n?”

“fairy wings.”

“oh my bad, i didn’t realize she said oikawa, and not l/n.”

“oh sorry, i thought you wouldn’t know the answer so i answered for you! i saved you from embarrassing yourself. you’re welcome~”

your seatmate yaku was holding you down with all his might and HOW IS LITTLE MAN ABLE TO HOLD YOU BACK HIS GRIP IS STRONG BRO

the whole class s ighs here we go AGAIN

the teacher doesnt even bother sending you guys out to hall anymore because this happens so much

you always try to sabotage each other in potions

one time his eyebrows almost burned off after his potion exploded in his face

makki and mattsun like LMFAOWFEHERGUYER

then when the year ends you’re like ranting to your mom like “i hate geniuses. who does he think he is? just because he can beat me at everything?? i’ll show him. i’ll make him eat dirt in the field. i’ll wipe that dumb smirk off his face. i’ll-”

your mom: omg my little baby so full of hate just like her momma

fourth year you’re so determined to beat oikawa at something

he sees you in the library, unprovoked, once and he comes up from behind you like

“aw, is l/n gonna try beating me again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

you: hold it in hold it in hold it in YOU’RE MATURE NOW Y/N L/N. YOU SHOULD BE MORE MATURE THAN THIS DIMWIT IN FRONT OF YOU. inhale exhale inhale exhale

“aw, is oikawa gonna try beating ushiwaka in quidditch again this year? you know there’s no point in trying.”

way to be mature

poor oikawa tho you pressed a wrong button so he just leaves silently

you kinda regret it after

so this year goes like the last and so does the next

“arent you tired?? of competing with oikawa all the time??” your friend semi asked you

“kind of”

“then stop?? you dont have to fulfill your mom’s high school revenge lmao”

“ughh eita i know but im too far in”

one time you were out breaking curfew #savage

no but seriously you couldn’t sleep so you thought some fresh air will help, the dorms were super suffocating right now

you were stressed after your mom’s monthly letter

beat oikawa this beat oikawa that

you turn at a corner and you see the man himself, ALSO BREAKING CURFEW

now the both of you are looking at each other like 👁👄👁

“GOD L/N I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TEACHER I NEARLY DIED FROM A HEART ATTACK”

“shush before we both get caught”

“right sorry sorry”

“so what the hell are you doing breaking curfew.”

“what are you doing breaking curfew.”

“i asked you first”

“so?”

“just answer the question, oikawa.”

he looks around, making sure the coast was clear before he motions you over to him and as you walk towards him

you see the door hes standing in front of

he drags you in there and what you see is

a bunch of practice dummies

“yeah i,, practice my spells here at night. contrary to popular belief i’m not a genius like ushiwaka or tobio. i’m flattered you think so, though.”

and youre like he... actually practices?? he is actually human?

“what’s with that look? you wanna join me practice at night?”

“as if-” and then you see the book of spells and you guys aren’t even learning any of this YET. and you are determined not to fall behind oikawa “sure.”

oikawas like pardon?

you: i SAID SURE.

and so now at night you practice spells together

only because you want to beat him as if

the arguing goes down a little because you get caught up in beating each other at who gets to do the spell right first that practice runs super late sometimes and you dont have energy to fight with each other that early

everybodys like ??? huh????

but then you’re back to the usual bs in the afternoon and everybodys like oh okay so the world isnt ending yet

so anyway !! yall are practicing again

you’re pointing your wand at a practice dummy and trying to focus so you dont accidentally do something dumb

"hey why do you hate me so much?”

LITERALLY CATCHES YOU OFF GUARD AND BREAKS YOUR FOCUS

“it’s not because i hit you when we were first years right? it really was an accident i swear-”

“you still remember that?”

“well yeah… because i cant think of any other reason why you don’t like me.”

“um… trying too hard to please my mom, i guess. what about you? why did you try so hard to beat me at everything?” you ask, regaining your focus for the charm

“idk, you never paid attention to me unless i did.”

you scoff, “why? you don’t like me or anything, do you?”

“i do tho??”

he literally said that just before you chanted the spell and you got caught off guard and

“stupefy!”

it almost hits oikawa

oikawa: WHAT DID I DO

you: SHITHEAD DONT SAY THAT WHEN IM ABOUT TO DO SOMETHFIBEFH

“HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN???”

“I DONT KNOW IT WAS FUN COMPETING WITH YOU WHEN WE WERE SECOND YEARS AND IT JUST DID?? I TRIED SO HARD SO I CAN IMPRESS YOU AND I GUESS MY PLAN BACKFIRED BECAUSE I DONT THINK YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH”

now youre staring at each other and you’re both red

he kinda quiets down “and you’re a better rival than ushijima anyway. i don’t mean any of the stuff i said, i swear. i know you don’t like me but i just needed to let that out or i will go insane.”

and hes just looking down all shy

at this point you actually dont know if you like oikawa or not

i mean??? you spent like 3 years butting heads with this dude

and he liked you the whole time?? hes crazy this man is crazy.

maybe you were just in denial the whole time

because?? you could’ve stopped competing with him at everything

maybe you did enjoy it somehow

he did make your life at school interesting

“let’s go out on a few dates and we’ll see.”

his head just whips up and his eyes like light up and hes so EXCITED

in the time before you officially started dating

you find out from iwaizumi that even tho he smiles at a lot of girls its actually rarely genuine the only girl hes ever seen oikawa smile about genuinely was you

and that his mom actually didnt approve of him playing quidditch at first because he had a bad knee but he pushed for it because he really wanted to

he has like a smug and a flippant demeanor but hes very attentive and super caring !!

hes super passionate and hard working at what he does and

i guess now you finally realize you are falling

it takes five dates until the two of you officially start going out

if you tell third year you that you were dating oikawa she would never believe it but here you are, walking to class with him

when the two of you walked in the classroom talking

like TALKING NORMALLY AND NOT THE USUAL “i will choke you in your sleep” “ooh, kinda k-” “don’t”

it was already sus when the arguing toned down a bit but now that its like. REALLY GONE?? everybody is so confused

LMFAO matsukawa asks like “what happened?? are you guys broken?”

“no???”

“how rude! dearest y/n and i are dating now!”

everybody in this class: see now thats crazy. that is crazy.

makki: maybe we didnt hear him right. say that again oikawa

oikawa: me and y/n are dating.

everybody: oh okay bc we thought you said you and l/n were dat- WAIT SO YOU AND L/N REALLY ARE TOGETHER??? 

you: unfortunately

oikawa: h-hey :((((

everybody: SO WE DONT GOTTA LISTEN TO YALL ARGUE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING??? YOU HAVE TO TREAT THE WHOLE CLASS TO BUTTERBEER I THINK WE DESERVE IT AFTER THESE THREE YEARS OF CONSTANT YELLING

nobody was as SHOCKED as your moms

“y/n, baby, i know i did not just hear you say you’re dating the oikawa kid. repeat that for momma again.”

“i’m dating the oikawa kid.”

like?? MOM THIS WAS TECHNICALLY UR FAULT

“so toru, what did you wanna tell me?”

“i have a girlfriend now! her name is y/n l/n.”

“l/n? surely not THAT l/n’s daughter, right?”

“oh it is that l/n.”

when your families have dinner together for the first time

THE TENSION LMFAO

but they do try hard to get along. they try super hard.

they start getting along because MAN YOU AND OIKAWA WERE SOO CUTE AND THEY WANT YOU TO GET MARRIED AND THEY HAVE TO GET ALONG IF THEY WANT IT TO HAPPEN. THEIR GRANDKIDS ARE GONNA BE SO CUTE!!!

“ma, we haven’t graduated yet-”

your mom, ignoring you: THEYRE GOING TO HAVE THE CUTEST HAIR

oikawa’s mom: AND THEY’RE GOING TO BE SUPER SMART LIKE THEIR PARENTS!

your mom: AND WE’LL BE THE BEST GRANDMAS.

momma oiks: PERIOD!

steals your books from you in the halls so he can carry it for you

you tease each other with pet names and shit???

he’ll try to kiss your cheek in the hall but iwa grabs the back of his robe and pulls him away “you’re gross”

“you’re just jealous iwa!!”

when your houses arent playing each other, he goes to your games and vice versa!

tries to distract you in the field

“hey beautiful”

“toru don’t or i will make iwa knock you off your broom.”

“you're so mean”

so anyways yall r couple goals

"listen well, kindaichi, kunimi, your senior is showing you how to get girls.”

kunimi, without looking up from his book: what are you gonna teach us? accidentally slap the girl and get her to hate you for three years while you secretly pine over her during that time before confessing that you liked her the whole time and you go out on five dates and officially start dating? too much work

oikawa: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT

[faorism]

needing the au to drop wherein i can commit to writing a historical au,, because since i first watched the db cooper job my mind went straight to OT3! OT3! OT3! (unlike with the van gogh job, since i aint playing with that fucking lieutenant)

one day maybe one dayyyyy i will sit down and i will write the ot3 into that episode's story. so, it'll be the backgrounds for the characters in the flashback (so, stephanie ritter, steve reynolds, and reggie wilkins), but with the necessary personality adjustments (parker, eliot, and hardison respectively). basically, vintage ot3 with some hot as hell aesthetics and secrets and avoiding as much as possible producing copraganda.

so. my thoughts. what i see happening. and this got super long so im throwing this under a cut. and for ease i will call them by their modern day canon names except when making a point.

first, general thoughts about the characters.

and so: steve to eliot. nothing much here on the surface. eliot still volunteers, too much an indoctrinated white man to have been forcibly drafted. so its still one man gone to war. one man come back. eliot would had been noticed early in training for his ability to pick shit up, and they teased at maybe sending him to a special unit. maybe they do, or maybe they don't because they just need to funnel fuckers to the jungle. the vietnam invasion was a terrorist imperialist venture and there's no romanticizing from me about anything done being at all valorous or special or brother-in-arms'y. and eliot commits war crimes under the american stars and stripes instead of just to keep moreau's champaign running. but also maybe moreau is eliot's superior. he certainly would have been rewarded for this ruthlessness. (eliot of course strove to impress moreau because there aint an eliot spencer who wasn't that man's dog at some point, i!!!! dont make the rules). eliot's friend died and eliot's gone off to carry out his wishes and moreau lets him because he Knows eliot is gonna come back. whether its to come back to the same squad, or follow him into deeper spy shit for the military, or to fuck off and go private. then eliot meets parker.

now. stephanie to parker. beth plays normal so well im mad at her, but there's something edgy and strategic about stephanie that i think parker can grab onto. i feel that maybe she was kind of a thief still, but there's more realism to this world so archie wasnt a super secret spy with lasers to practice with, but just a guy with sticky fingers whos a little bored and wants a protege. parker is good really good at what she does, and not having to deal with lasers makes me easy. but she's into scams that are less grifts and more Catch Me If You Can slight of hands. she's always looking for easy money (she was into lifting cars at one point! literally she follows where the crime is). she's doing something in an airport and someone tries to recruit her as a flight attendant because she's got the Look. and yall, flight attendants? that shit was like being a model and an astronaut and a time traveler back then. and according to a teacher i had, who once worked as in the f.a. union, those ladies back in the day were rad and queer and free spirited and runnnnning shit. i think, yes, it's a Job which i think we might resist placing parker into. but! of the jobs, at the time, i really see her rocking it during the time period. (also come on, the opportunities to swindle distracted people of their shit would be endless. they would just think they dropped their stuff in the airport! not that it was stolen.)

finally, reggie to alec. i think hardison will be the hardest to translate. even tho i admittedly listen to a lot of true crime podcasts, i dont know much about fbi life and also definitely don't know about it historically. part of me desperately wants to put him somewhere else even if it does have to stay within the fbi. i might cheat and make him like a Q(uartermaster) to 007/00s like in james bond, and he's like UGH this is horrible god i hate working for the fbi but they will give me funding so...... anyway, here's this totally cool [radio term]. that said, if hardison is stuck in the fbi, why he ends up there is that he is a fucking savant when it comes to research and the man can put together a presentation like no one else. that white man gets all the credit for profiling but it was hardison who goddamn was the google of the microfilm days. reggie felt super square but that might be because he had to deal with mcsweeties db cooper shit day in and day out for years. hardison is more himself. and definitely still a nerd. alec would be into dime fantasy novels and comics and ham radios and oh god he also would be into star trek like the original star trek as it came out and he would be into the zines yes! yessss. omg. also he plays a mean arcade cabinet. but he's mostly well adjusted but lonely. his colleagues dont appreciate him because fbi esp during that time were fucking wilding out and racist as hell aaaaaand im sorry im srry im trying so hard to have fbi hardison make sense but also! acab. ANYWAY.

second, the relationship

i think it would be fun to play with what it means to have parker/eliot start off first and bring in hardison afterwards. (if white collar is your thing, it would be like this canon divergent ot3 fic wherein peter burke is the last to join in.) i feel they would be Super Intense esp since they are carrying this big ass secret. kind of broken and dysfunctional and there's the passion and the commitment, but i think there's also a tenderness that's super hard for them to achieve? and i think there's a way that hardison plays such an important part in who they are and how they are. like, sure i think parker/eliot would have joy but they won't have levity. they would have compassion but they won't have gentleness.

eliot meets hardison after being recruited by nate. i think they get close because while nate and eliot have an interesting and compelling mentorship/friendship, nate is still eliots superior; sometimes its nice to complain about your boss, as hardison will say to eliot to try to make friends. i think hardison and eliot would become legit friends and not just work buddies because they are just not cut out of the same cloth as the rest of their colleagues. they grab beers after work. after hard days, hardison cajoles eliot into going to the arcade. they are friends. real real truly deep best friends, in a way hardison didn't think he could have with a fed and eliot didnt think he would have after his friend died. but also? they are like "buds" who are buds who are desperately tryna to cross any lines because there's a.... tension? an UST between them they dont know what to do with.

parker meets eliot by way of a "lets have my friend for dinner, he's a blast." and immediately immediately hardison is like... wow this woman is beautiful but like, really attracted to her personality. and parker things hardison is kinda dorky but cute dorkie? anyway, they have a puppy love situation growing. and it keeps growing until bam. eliot and parker are like. are we into alec???? fuck we are aren't we.

i think stephanie and steve would never tell reggie (even if somehow they were to be a thing). but parker and eliot? hell yeah they tell hardison. eventually. after a while. sooner than maybe they should. the tension if they should say something is one of the things that build up as UST between them for so long; parker and eliot know they are carrying this huge thing. two huge things. eliot being db cooper and also their massive crush on him.

if i could control myself to stick to a pwp, it would be another christmas. maybe the christmas nine (more?) years down the road. the damn snow grounded hardison's flight back to his nana's, and parker and eliot hear this and invite him over. the egg nog gets flowing and parker eventually is like,, fuck this. and comes onto hardison. and hardison would be like wow wow what but... idk, free love and swinging were In The Thoughts And Minds Of The People. he still checks in with eliot who is like. her body, man; i aint gonna tell her what to do. and for a sec hardison is like, man is this a cuck situation? i guess i can be for it but also...... aint mad if i aint alone. and eliot is so grateful and idk. i just want them all to be happy and having fun and no one to be left out. and yeah i am kinda brushing over a lot of the racial politics which, in a more developed fic rather than a pwp, would definitely need to be brought in; but idk that needs to just be in the bedrock of whatever plot is going into this.

it takes a lot of maneuvering of their lives but they make it work and eventually hardison is a keeper of eliot's secret too.

(apart from the historical aspect, another reason i probably won't actually write this is because i know myself. i would want to do worldbuilding. i would follow eliot and alec to their jobs, but i wouldnt want to write outright copaganda. the grit/realism i would be comfortable with would take a level of research i dont think i can commit to. but if someone wants to take this up or if you figure out a way around this issue, pls do i wont be mad)

[zmayadw]

Evening to all :)

Time for the next part :)

Have a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 10

I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.

When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“  „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head,  to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..

When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said  fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off.  I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything.  My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“  „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!