#i guess dating in general is bizarre to me

[scentofpines]

dating advice is so bizarre lmao i'm so glad i'm not doing that shit

[wonder-worker]

Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.

[majaloveschris]

I hate that this is going to be an unpopular opinion but I feel it has strong merit:

The main reason people have been up in arms about AB since she entered the chat is because of her age.

I’m willing to bet 100% that if she was about 10 years older, or simply around his age, there would 50% less toxicity, while 50% of the fandom would still dislike her simply because she was with him. They would still dig up on her and the fact that she’s an obvious lazy opportunist would still be factored in, but they would treat her more like how they treat Annabelle Wallis since she is dating SS. Some don't mind her, some hate her, some like her/don't care. She'd be another boring blip in the radar.

The big thing here is that many of CE’s fandom wanted him to be a guy who “doesn’t date younger women” because that’s such a big deal for some of these people. It’s not for me, because despite whatever bs some people love making up on the internet, CE has always dated women his age and seems to get along best with people in his age group. If you look at his known relationships, both romantic and platonic, he gets along with women and men and his best friend of forever is older than him. His known exes are his age. His friend group outside of HW (and within it) are mostly people he’s known since HS and they’re all in his age group. His known flirtations with women in the industry have mostly been in his age group. these are real patterns that reflect and trying to make assumptions because he followed actresses or influencers in their 20s makes little sense because hate to say it, thats most guys married or not. He clearly connects best with people who understand the same references and cultural upbringing. You can see it when he talks to others. People bring up his old GQ interview where he was flirting with the reporter who did the spread. Guess what - they seemed to vibe because they were the same age and from the same area. She even wrote how he seemed to love that they got the same references and it just made it easier to connect. You usually do that with people in your same generation or demographic. I think the same thing happened with him and Jenny. Same age range, from the same area, got each other and just connected despite however their physical looks differed.

It’s due to his IG followings of some younger actresses and then AB that these rumors about younger women really began and to me, that’s projection. Also, lots of men do like younger women and that’s a pretty normal thing despite however you want to feel about it. It’s only a real problem now because people are much more aware of things like grooming and etc that they’re drawing attention to age gap relationships. But even Ryan Reynolds and Blake have a big age difference and he married her in 2012, when she was barely 24. He married Scarlett when she was also in her early 20s. Ryan is beloved (and now also hated) in the industry and known as wholesome family man but think about how his relationships being accepted but tbh could there also be some grooming involved? He was well into his thirties when he dated/married both these women but more or less the GP doesn’t bat an eye.

For CE, they couldn’t accept AB and that’s why the whole racism and problematic friends came into play so quickly after they went public. IMHo, the fandom needed a reason to dislike her even though she is easily able to be disliked even without her dumb friends tweets. She has no talent, no charisma, seemingly no work ethic, and is an obvious clout chaser with a very bizarre Lolita obsession and a weird obsession with older men.

That’s enough for me to side eye her but having the fans project things to hate on her makes them look worse and her like a victim.

But if she was the same age as CE, would it matter if she looked younger or did weird Lolita things? At that point, people would chalk it up to her just being a weirdo or at least compliment her for having good genes, but at least they’re the same age and then she has even less of an excuse to be as immature as she seems.

Her age and “inexperience” in Hollywood are the only passes I see her getting.

Also, CE clearly doesn’t find her attractive as his body language shows that literally for the past three years. Some of you need to stop attempting these gymnastics in your head and just admit that the relationship looks off because it is. It is most likely heavily manufactured and he needs to be married to someone to really uphold his rebrand. She clearly spends alot of time in a different country no matter what people wanna think and hollywood smoke and mirrors have a lot to do with it.

Yes, they are married and yes a bunch of PR rehearsed answers to push this and make people think it’s true love. But really…he is in the business of smoke and mirrors. Anyone who takes this stuff to heart really shouldn’t. It’s not that deep and will never be that deep.

I disagree but agree with you at the same time. I think her age plays a huge part in why people dislike her, but at the same time I don't think that's people's biggest problem with her. What I say is that even if she was older or closer to Chris's age, her behavior would still be the problem. I'm not saying people wouldn't just simply dislike her because she is dating Chris. That's a real thing and has always been in this fandom or even in different ones. I'm not in the Seb fandom, so I don't know how they treat her or what they are saying about her; however, the two situations aren't really comparable, since Seb is kind of over something similar to what Chris is still in (minus the kinda weddings part).

I think most people would've gotten over the age gap if she was a decent human being and if they actually looked in love with each other. I'm not saying that people wouldn't have disliked her just because, but it's much more than that. Her behavior is the problem; her friend's behavior is the problem. The age gap is also a bit problematic because she was only 23 when they got together. Their little trollings didn't help either. It's about her and her friend's personality and the way they behave around each other; the rest would've been forgotten after a while. 

As you said it, it's not that deep. Whether this is real or not, it doesn't really affect our lives. It isn't worth it.

[olderthannetfic]

I think part of why these really bizarre ideas of what "crypto terf" rhetoric spread is because people treat dogwhistles like they're some kind of magic spell that requires secret lingo, and so they assume everyone crying "crypto terf!!!" in a way that doesn't make sense to them MUST be seeing something they don't see. But really, it's not that hard to guess at how a particular hate group would attempt to turn normies on to supporting their hate group. If you know what their standard rhetoric is, and you know how ideological recruitment generally works, it's not hard to imagine how they mutate that rhetoric to make it more palatable to someone on the fence. After all, it's really not that different from how people do this with anything, in far more benign circumstances; if you have a strong opinion on a controversial topic, you're probably going to talk about it differently with someone you know is already on your side vs. someone whose opinion you're unsure of, right? I've read stuff by people like Ky Schevers who WERE "terf recruiters" who have since renounced the movement, who know what "crypto" rhetoric looks like from the inside, and none of it was actually particularly surprising to me as someone who knows what regular TERFs believe. I think one of the issues though is that people are confusing "crypto terf rhetoric" with "the conditions that put people in a position that cause them to be seen as targets by TERFs." Like, a lot of people on here seem to have this idea that any time women are venting about how much men suck, or talking about particular kinds of men who creep them out, that's "radfem/terf rhetoric." Which - first of all, I think if you spend amount of time in groups of women where they're talking about men (real ones, not fictional characters), you have to know that that kind of venting about men is not a thing that's going to stop happening anytime soon. Women are going to feel that way and express it as long as we live in a sexist society, and all you're doing by treating it as though they're already on the road to a hate group is making it so they don't do it around you - which ironically, makes them riper prey to extremists, if they're the only ones letting them vent. Like especially in the wake of a US election where a majority of Gen Z men voted for a rapist whose brain is rotting and who wants to take away women's bodily autonomy over a highly qualified woman, you can't be surprised that a lot of women their same age are throwing up their hands and wondering if it's even worth it trying to find the good ones anymore, if they exist in enough numbers to make the frustrations of dating worth it. What's "crypto TERF" is not being frustrated with men (which again, is not something you're going to social-norms away anyway), but it's channeling that frustration toward the kind of essentialism that leads them to eventually see all AMAB people as the problem. Or broadening this beyond terfs specifially to other radfems: taking where most women are now of "I know some good guys exist, but there are so many bad ones and so many wolves-in-sheep's-clothing and I'm kind of exhausted with the search" and turning that into "there ARE no good ones, ALL of them are hiding at least some sexist beliefs and behavior and you CANNOT trust them." But just like plenty of white people who have economic anxiety don't get convinced that immigrants are the problem, and plenty of people in vulnerable situations like recently having moved or a bad break-up or death don't get recruited into cults, most women who are frustrated with shitty men don't become radfems. There's a difference between recognizing certain conditions as more likely to make someone recruitable, and treating them as already a lost cause.

--

[azulcrescent]

Aromanticism is a spectrum, and there are lots of ways to experience and view romance and non-romance. Personally, being grayaromantic, I know what romantic attraction feels like, since I did have a crush on someone once. It had all the hallmark traits of a crush: butterfly feelings in my stomach, thinking about them a lot, almost accidentally kissing them in front of everyone because I wanted to put my mouth on their mouth so badly…

And yet, now that it's been nearly 10 years since then, it's bizarre to me that I ever had those feelings at all. It's confusing to me that other people will just look at someone and feel that way, and have that be a recurring thing that happens to them all the time apparently? I have no idea how often people normally get new crushes, or how long it takes for old ones retire, since mine happened only the one time and it took me about 2 years before I was finally over it (we never dated, it was only ever a one-sided crush)

I have mistaken strong platonic feelings for romantic feelings before. But then I would compare it to the crush I had, and realize that it doesn't have any of the same desires attached to it. I feel happy and excited about having a new friend that I get to learn more about, potentially even bordering on queerplatonic feelings, but the idea of kissing them isn't something I'd go out of my way to try and get.

I do have to work pretty hard to maintain friendships, by regularly reaching out to people. Since a lot of people who have a partner get most of their socialization from being with their partner, they don't prioritize friendships in the same way that an aromantic person would. (Not saying that alloromantic people have less friends or that they don't care about them, just making a generalized statement about my observations in how allos and aros handle friendships)

I hope this helps!

That's very fascinating, thank you. I guess you have a point of reference for what romantic attraction feels like since it has happened before, but not since then. And that's a good point about how non-asexual people tend to get most of their socialization from their partners ahaha. whenever a friend in my friend group gets a partner we're like "ah, so they're not gonna show up for gaming anymore" haha.

Thanks again for sharing, and yes, it helps!

[catboy-beckett]

So a few months back, I started getting ads for a game called Tokyo Debunker. The ads had WILDLY different tones and genres, not entirely unusual for mobile game ads, and usually I just ignore it when this happens. They want me to be curious so they can get me to download. It's a cheap, common trick, not worth my attention.

This time though, the ads were so bizarre and disconnected that it actually worked on me. I HAD to know what this game was about.

For context, here are all the screenshots I took of these ads:

(no, the bright flash on the second image isn't censorship, it's just a poorly-timed snapshot of a visual effect)

So, we're getting essentially three distinct genres of ads here: Dating Sim game, Horror game, and Cute Casual Cartoon Cat game. I think it's really the horror imagery that put these ads above the rabble. It was too high-effort and offputting. Normal clickbait goes for as generic and appealing as possible.

So, what was the truth? What IS the game, actually?

Well, uh.

Here are the actual screenshots I've taken in-game:

It's not just the ads that are all over the place, that's for sure. It turns out this IS a horror dating game filled with cute cats!

I'll explain further: the main mode of the game is a visual novel (that "story" button on the fourth screenshot) which occasionally has comic panels in the middle of scenes. In the background, you have the "Campus" where you can build facilities that generate currency that you can use to upgrade or build more facilities, and these gradually passively increase your character stats. What are stats for? Why, you can have your characters do battle with monsters or other players' teams! It's an auto-battler sort of thing so it's not very involved, but powering up the characters is surprisingly convoluted. Wait, how do you get "characters"? Oh, there's a gacha too! (The "summon" button.) The gacha is kinda shit to be honest; rates are bad enough but they lumped equipment and characters into the same banners, so even when there's a "rare guaranteed in 10 pulls" it might not even be a character.

It's definitely a romance game, though not the sort with "routes" or even story choices, really--you can get characters' affinity scores up outside of the story by making them fish or taking them camping (oh yeah the fishing is to summon cats to eat the fish and then if you're quick you can take photos of the cats, Neko Atsume style--) but nothing in the course of the story changes.

Honestly, I think this game is great. I've completed all the available chapters of the story so far, and the writing and characters are great. I love the horror too, and I really appreciate that they don't pull any punches with it just because this is fundamentally a game about flirting with eccentric 2D men. I hope in the future they revamp the gacha system to make it less ass.

BONUS:

Lightning round of ✨which aspects of these ads were accurate?✨

Rescue Him-- That artwork is in the game, but the minigame is not, and there is no need to "rescue him". He's fine. That's just Jiro. He's always like this.

Do You Always?-- That artwork is also in the game, though I'm not sure why Jin is labelled "guy from cafeteria". The UI is also not right.

Who is Cheating Whom?-- This one is interesting. Not only is this scene entirely fabricated (and the player is never tasked with solving riddles like this), I can only identify one of the characters. The guy on the right looks like Ren (albeit wearing another character's earring) but I have no idea who the guy on the left is? Rui or Towa are my best guesses, but I've heard that these ads just sometimes fabricate entire characters. That octopus is in the game though.

Vegetable Ninja-- Not a real minigame. That cat is one of the ones you can get in the Neko Atsume clone guild cat album, and it can indeed be seen slicing carrots.

Cat Town?-- This is real, just with more of the collectible cats added for flavour. (You can even see this area in one of my screenshots!) In the actual game, there ARE cats running around delivering messages, as well as chibi versions of the anime boys.

Eye Monster-- This monster is actually real! She appears in the beginning chapter. The human in front of her however, doesn't look like the protagonist or anyone else currently in the game. You also never see that pixelart style.

Customize Your Crush-- Not a real feature. You can pick which character you want on the home screen and can change their outfit to a limited extent, but you can't freely undress them or mess with their features. That character is named Alan though, and they did just release a shirtless card of him. Hi Alan!

Slenderman, Sadako, and Jeff the Killer-- Breaks my heart to say, they are not in the game. There is an anomaly that kind of looks like Slenderman, I suppose? The "You have been cursed" tagline is actually true though; in the beginning of the game, you DO get cursed.

Bathing in Blood-- Curiously, this scene is in the game... but it's not a horror scene. It's not sketched like that, it's not red and black and white, there's no explicit or implied blood. It's just a brief fanservicey scene of Leo in the bath.

Cat on Rails-- This one is the closest to being an actual minigame! There's an overhead view of a cat running along in the rhythm game "bonus stages" you get in-between some of the autobattler stages. You have to tap the screen to make the cat turn at certain points in time with the music. It's not very good, but it's easy to cheat. The cat is identical to the one pictured but the stage looks different and there's no food.

[thaliagracesgf]

chapter one: the vanishing of will byers

a/n: the first chapter! I really got cooking on this one i was so so excited about it once i started writing! I hope it’s good, i have lots of ideas for the future and have started mapping out where this is going to go. i'm not sure what the overall title of this fic is going to be though... hope you enjoy, and let me know if you’d like to be added to a taglist for this story! reblog, comment, and interact if you enjoy it (or if you don’t)! I’d love to hear all your thoughts <3

wc: 3.9k

divider from @saradika-graphics, images from pinterest

general CWs, not necessarily all in this chapter: drinking, alcoholism, drug abuse, smoking, cancer, hopper being kind of a deadbeat, usual canon violence. not entirely proofread.

masterlist (incl. series)

The sprinklers are going as you turn the corner onto the Wheeler’s street. Your music is turned low, and the windows are rolled down, letting in the early November breeze. You see yellow lights from the basement windows as you pull into the driveway, and the shadows of four middle school boys jumping around. As you stop the car, you can hear complaining drift out through an open window. Mrs. Wheeler must have been telling them their time was up. 

You trip over a rock on your way to the front door, ringing the doorbell and brushing dirt off your hands. “Hi Mr. Wheeler,” you smile as he opens the door. 

“Oh, great another one,” he mutters. You’re pretty sure he thinks you can’t hear him. “Karen! There’s another child at our door.” He turns back to you, probably trying to figure out which one of his children you’re here for. You try not to be offended, as you’re sure you don’t look like a seventh grader, although you wouldn’t put it past Ted Wheeler to not know how old his son is. In his defense, though, you are here for the seventh graders. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” Karen moves past her husband. “Thank you so much for picking them up, I don’t think I’d be able to get them out of that basement. I was down a second ago and three of them were crawling under the tables doing god knows what.”

“It’s no problem, Mrs. Wheeler. Do you mind if I…” You gesture vaguely towards the basement. 

“Please, be my guest.” 

“Or don’t,” her husband adds unhelpfully. You give him an awkward nod as you pass him by. 

“Guys!” You shout from the top few steps of Mike Wheeler’s basement. “Let’s go, I don’t have all day!” 

“What, like you have a date or something?” Mike rushes up past you. 

“Oh, go to hell,” you sneer. You love Mike, you really do. You’ve been babysitting his friends since you were thirteen, and you appreciate the level to which he can match your level of sarcasm and insult that would appear genuine to anyone in the audience. He’d never admit it, but you know he likes that you’re around, too. 

“Dustin! Lucas!” you shout again. “Hurry up!” 

They come bounding up the stairs, Dustin with a pizza box tucked under his arm. “I’m gonna see if Nancy wants a slice,” he says with his mouth full. He’s had a crush on her forever, at this point, and you would find it endearing if you didn’t have a World History quiz to study for that night. 

“Fine. Be fast,” you say, then following behind him. You watch the painful interaction before catching the door as she tries to shut it. 

“Hey, Nance.” 

“Oh, hey, one sec, Barb,” she says, putting the phone down.

“How’re you doing with that essay?” You have to rely on Nancy, because among the bizarre group of friends you’ve found yourself in, she’s the only other one that actually cares about her grades, other than Barb, but she doesn’t really show her face often. Or speak much, if she does. You know that your friends can be intimidating, but you don’t really know how to reach out. You don’t think you have anything in common. 

“Okay, I guess. I can’t figure out how to order all my arguments.” 

“Oh my god, yes, I am having the exact same problem! Study sesh tomorrow, figure it out?” 

She smiles. “Yeah, definitely. One?”

“Yeah, that works. And you can tell me everything you’re telling Barb right now about Steve.” She blushes, looking down at the sleeves of her sweater. 

“Yeah, okay. Sure. Hey, weren’t you just with him?” You were. You’d spent the day driving around with him, Tina, Tommy, and Carol. 

“Yeah,” you smile devilishly. “He wouldn’t stop talking about you.” You turn and head back down the stairs, where you can see the boys getting impatient. 

“Hey! You can’t just leave that there,” she calls after you, and you laugh. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow! One o’clock!”

“Y/N!”

“Bye!”

You rush down the stairs, past Ted Wheeler in his La-Z-Boy, who makes a point to sigh loudly at the noise. You see Will talking to Mike in the garage. He looks upset, but you figure it’s some Dungeons & Dragons thing you won’t understand. “You guys ready?” you ask Lucas and Dustin, and they nod. 

“We’ve been ready,” Lucas adds, impatiently. 

“Okay! Well, we’re going now. Get the bikes in the trunk.” They do as they’re told, however begrudgingly. “Will, you want a ride halfway? You can have shotgun if you want.”

“Yeah!” He smiles, whatever had been bothering him vanishing. “Can I put my bike in, too?” You smile and nod, although it hurts a little how much you see your shy, people-pleasing self in him—his friends wouldn’t have hesitated to toss theirs in, banging up your car, but Will asks, and then fits it gently in the trunk so as to not crash it into the rear of your already beat-up, dysfunctional car. You know it’s probably because the Byers’ don’t have money, either. 

“Yeah, just toss it in.” He wheels it over to his friends, as Mike watches from the garage door. You give him a wave goodnight, and he returns it, although his eyes are watching a rock he’s kicking around with his shoe. 

“Hey! Out!” You snap your fingers at Dustin as he tries to sit in the passenger seat. “Will.” 

Dustin groans, but there’s no point arguing. “This is bullshit,” he grumbles as he moves to the backseat, next to Lucas, who elbows him when he gets too close. 

“Language.” You reach for your CDs, passing them to Will. “Pick out whatever, dude.” And you back out of the Wheeler’s drive. 

You dropped Will off at the top of the hill, by Dustin’s house. He insisted he could make it the rest of the way, and seeing your unsure expression, he assured you that Jonathan was there waiting for him. 

“Alright, sure. Be safe!” You call as he rides away. 

Turning the car around in the Henderson’s driveway, you head back across town to the trailer park. You park your car, grabbing your bag from the back, and trudge up the three steps to your front door. To no one’s surprise, your dad is passed out on the couch, beer cans on the table and pill bottles knocked over. You roll your eyes, tossing the cans in the garbage and screwing the caps back on the bottles before putting him in his bathroom mirror. 

A few years ago, Hopper had gotten bored with the lack of activity in Hawkins, and you came home from school to a wall chopped down. You slept with a tarp covering it for a few weeks, until he had built an extra half of your trailer, making the whole structure look like an “L,” and giving you your own room and, after deliberation on water and electricity bills on his part, bathroom, presumably to stop you coming across the obscene amount of pills in his. Obviously, it did not have the desired effect. 

Unintentionally, you’ve fallen into responsibility for so many people in your life, whether you’re babysitting for Dustin and the Sinclairs, or your father. You think it’s why you’re still friends with the people you are. Tina’s been your best friend since kindergarten, since Sarah died and you moved to Indiana. The two of you plotted to end up friends with Steve and Tommy H, who seemed so cool on the basketball courts at recess. Tommy, and later Carol, were so sure of themselves, so confident in everything they did, and still are now, that though they can be assholes, and you know that they’re assholes, you can’t help but feel lighter around them—they’ve got each other in their perfect, asshole ways, to sort through all their shit, and they leave you out of it. Tina and Steve go along with it all too, sure, Steve especially, but you’re closer with both of them. You take care of each other the way friends are supposed to, none of this caretaker bullshit that you can’t help but take on more of with your family and your kids. Steve, and especially Tina, are there for you in a way your dad hasn’t been since you were little. 

This lack of responsibility, of course, is what leads you to head to your room after microwaving a bowl of pasta, and call Steve about the party he wants to throw at his place when his parents are out of town. 

“Hey,” he picks up. His voice is deep and a little groggy, like maybe he was just falling asleep.

“Sorry, sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Nah, no, you’re good,” he says, sitting himself up. If it were Tommy or Carol, he’d tell them to fuck off and let him sleep. But he’s never able to put down the phone when you’re calling. He doesn’t really know why, he’s never wanted to. 

“Ok. Perfect. I was thinking for drinks we could send Carol in that old lady costume to Bunbury for beers?” Steve snorts on the other end of the line, and you know he’s laughing at the drinking problem he thinks you have. “Oh, shut up,” you scoff. If there’s one thing that you know the looks of, it’s a drinking problem, but Steve’s never been the most tactful. 

“I’d do it, but you know she hates doing it and she was totally pissing me off today,” you excuse yourself from the task, knowing that if you go, you’ll be buying the drinks. They all say they can pay for things for you—read, they all know you and your dad are broke, but they don’t exactly think twice when you end up buying for them, which happens more than you’d care to admit. And you hate to ask them to pay you back. Sophomore year goal: stop being a people pleaser and call out your rich-ass friends who insist on you joining their rich-ass activities. Although, you suppose, there are bigger problems in the world than having friends who are willing to pay to be sure you can do shit with them. The more you try to rationalize it in your head, the more you really start to really hate yourself, so you keep talking. 

“And you know she never listens to me, and then Tommy will be mad, so you’re gonna have to ask her. And probably Tommy, first, so he’ll agree for her, and—”

“You do realize you sound insane, right?” the phone crackles. You hold the phone away from your ear, taking a deep breath before you start snapping at him.

“I’m just trying to make sure we have drinks on Tuesday.” 

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” You are worried about it, and now a little irritated at him, but you let it go.

“Alright. Goodnight, then,” you say. “Wait! No. Wait. Nancy was talking to Barb about you on the phone.” This might violate some sort of girl code, but if that’s all you’re telling him, and he’s been one of your best friends since the first grade, you hope Nancy can forgive you. It’s irresistibly more fun to listen to Steve beg for more information, and make fun of him later with Tina—and maybe Nancy. 

“That’s all I can say. I’ll have to consult my higher-ups for more information.”

“Nancy Wheeler is your higher-ups, now?”

“Don’t be jealous, Harrington, it’s not my fault she’s cooler than you.” You can hear him roll his eyes over the phone. 

“Goodnight, Steve.” 

“'Night, Y/N.”

You put the phone down, and fall asleep to the frogs and crickets surrounding the trailer park, almost missing the methodic rotation of the Wheelers’ sprinklers. 

A few streets over, the Harringtons’ are going, and Steve Harrington is thinking about Nancy Wheeler, and trying to not think about the fact that you keep floating through his mind instead of her.

When you wake up, your dad is still passed out on the couch. Birds are still chirping outside, and you can hear yelling from the next nearest trailer. You force yourself out of bed, crossing the living room and nudging his shoulder until he wakes up with a start, and his arms reach around, knocking a book off the side table and narrowly missing the lamp. “In the bathroom,” you answer, before he can ask where his meds have gone.

“What time is it?” he mutters groggily. 

“Past eight. You’re going to be late again,” you say as you head to the kitchen. 

“Why aren’t you at school yet?” 

“I don’t have class first period today,” you say, a little frustrated that you have this conversation every Monday, but not letting it show. You pour coffee and butter toast for him before pouring yourself some cereal and slicing a banana. He grunts in response. 

“I have to go, though. So do you,” you drop his food and pill bottles on the coffee table in front of him. He murmurs a “thanks” before turning to the coffee like it’s God. 

“I’ll be home late tomorrow. Don’t wait up.” On the off chance that he’s not out cold by seven, you know he’d assume the worst. Not a kidnapping, or anything crazy. That shit doesn’t happen in Hawkins. But even though you’ve been cancer-free since ‘73, he’s always assuming you’ve spouted a new tumor and died on the side of the road, no matter how many times you, doctors, or the rest of the sane, normal world tells him otherwise. 

“Okay,” he grunts. “Be careful. Make smart choices,” he adds, as if you haven’t been practically raising yourself since you were old enough to cook and ride a bike to school. 

“Yeah, whatever.” You don’t mean to sound like an unbothered teenager, but it’s so difficult to make conversation with your father that you resort to being a shell of yourself until you make it to school and your friends. Hell, Erica Sinclair makes better conversation than Jim Hopper. 

You finish your cereal in silence, rinsing the bowl in the sink before grabbing your backpack. 

“Have a good day at work, Dad.” And you leave the house, letting the screen swing shut behind you, and leaving the front door open to hopefully air out a bit of the overwhelming cigarette smell that’s embedded permanently in all your furniture. Not that you don’t smoke, but never at home. Your Dad would flip his shit about cancer, as if there isn’t Agent Orange probably still running through your blood already. 

You drive to school with a Leonard Cohen C.D. going. There are a million things running through your mind, but none at all at the same time. The party. Your Dad. Sarah, weirdly enough. You don’t think about her a whole lot, but of course she comes up when you have a million other things going on. World History test. Mrs. Click. The Byzantine Empire. Your dad. Drinking. Tina’s Halloween party, which was a week ago, where you had the time of your life dancing with your best friend after begging your father for weeks to ignore it on patrol. Nancy Wheeler. Shit, that study date. You’d almost forgotten. And— fuck, of course you’d forgotten to bring your lunch. You check your watch—you think you have enough time to grab something from the store on the way. 

You speed into the parking lot, going a million miles per hour, but hey, if there’s one thing you’ve got going for you in this town, it’s that no one who works for your dad is going to arrest or ticket you after he cut his own salary to make up for theirs. 

You fly through the store, grabbing an apple, a bag of lettuce and some shit for a basic salad you’ll shake up at lunch. It’s not much, but the deli isn’t open yet, and you aren’t going to buy an entire loaf of bread for one PB&J. As you’re checking out, don’t notice Jonathan Byers until his total comes up short. 

“Oh, here,” you say without thinking, giving him the last dollar he needs. “You also have a late start this morning?”

“Thanks. Uh…” he hesitates. He’s not used to you speaking to him unless the boys are involved, although you would consider the two of you to be friends. “No, um…” 

You don’t really take note of his pause, tossing your lettuce on the conveyor belt. 

“You didn’t see Will last night, did you?” You freeze, fear shooting through your body. 

“Um, yeah, I drove him to Mirkwood. He didn’t make it home? He told me you were waiting for him.” You look over at Jonathan, but avoid his eyes. What if something terrible has happened to Will, and it’s because you let him bike home alone?

“I had a last minute shift,” he mumbles. “Did you… did you see him go home?” 

“Yeah, he took off in the right direction. Jonathan, what happened? Is he missing?”

“Um… we don’t know yet. I— forget I said anything, sorry,” he starts trudging away. 

“Wait, Jonathan, is he okay?” you call after him, panicked. “Byers!” But he’s gone, out the door. And, you realize too late, you’re a dollar short for your fucking lunch. 

You’ve haven’t been thinking straight since you ran into Jonathan, and you’re pretty sure you failed the Byzantine test, although Nancy is trying to convince you otherwise as you sit in your corner of the library, sharing the measly salad you’ve scraped together and the ten-bajillion course meal that Karen packed her. On a normal day, you’d have time to think about how jealous that makes you, but your mind hasn’t left the frenzied state it was in even before learning that Will might be missing. 

“Your essay looks great, Y/N. I checked it for grammar and spelling, so you’re all good there. I think you just need to work on a thesis that makes a little more sense, and then you’re done.” You groan. You love Nancy and her feedback, but you had really been hoping she would say “Perfect!” or “No notes!” or “Great job, Y/N, you can go take a ten year nap, now!”

“Okay,” you pull the paper back across the table. “Yours is great, too, just switch those two paragraphs and then edit them to make them flow, if that makes sense,” you brush bread crumbs off her essay and slide it over to her.

She nods. “That’s perfect, that’s exactly what I was thinking.” A peaceful silence falls upon the pair of you as you eat your lunch, and for a second you feel the November sun filtering through the windows of the Hawkins High Library, and ignore your creeping anxiety that something is very, very, wrong.

“So. How are things?” you ask, smiling behind your hand at Nancy. 

She feigns innocence. “Hm? I don’t know what you mean.” She closes her mouth around her sandwich. 

“Ugh. Fine. We… made out this morning. He left a note in my locker.”

“Classic.”

“I don’t know… he’s really sweet, and, you know, he’s fun— funny. And fun.”

“All true.” 

“I guess I’m a little worried… I mean, he kind of has a reputation. I don’t want to end up, like, totally humiliated.”

“I don’t think he’ll do that, Nance. Honestly. I think he doesn’t realize he’s doing anything half the time—he’s not that… aware… of other people. But he seems like he really likes you, and wants to get to know you.”

She smiles, looking down at her food. “Yeah, yeah he does.” 

Suddenly there’s a commotion at the doors. A loud “shush” comes from the circulation desk. 

“I’m sorry to bother you, ma’am—” Your head flies around. You know that voice. “I was told that Ms. Hopper might be in here? I just need to speak with her for a few minutes.” 

“She usually sits over there,” the librarian gestures to where you’re already standing, deciding whether to collect your stuff. Nancy’s stood beside you, biting her lip. 

”Callahan?” you pester as you follow him through the hallway. “What’s going on, is everything okay? Is my Dad okay?”

“Yeah, you’re Dad’s fine. He’s right in there.” 

What the hell is going on? You push the glass door to the office open, slinging your bag off your shoulder and on to the ground as you give your father a confused look. One that turns to concern when you finally put two and two together. 

“Will.” Your dad sees your expression. He knows how much you care about these kids, and he’s quick to try to reassure you.

“Just… just take a seat, okay? I just have a couple questions about the last time you saw him, I didn’t want to wait until tonight—”

“I drove him almost the whole way to his house last night.” You interrupt. “I dropped him off just past the Hendersons’ house, he told me Jonathan would be there,” your voice speeds up, evident anxiety growing, “but I guess he picked up an extra shift, and—” he cuts you off. 

“Hey, hey, hey.” He pulls you into a hug, and you do start crying then. This is too much, this is your fucking fault, and if Will’s found dead in a ditch it’s going to be all your fault. “He’s going to be okay, okay? I already told Joyce, 99 out of a hundred times, a kid goes missing, kid is with a parent or relative. Lonnie probably—” 

“His father’s psychotic!” You push yourself free from his hold on you “I saw him make them cry like a thousand times, Dad!  I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucking hit them! If Will’s with him, he’s not safe!” Your voice is catching in your throat. 

“And we’re going to go find him, okay? He’ll be okay, I just need— I just need you to stay calm, go home, and just— just stay there.” 

“I can help look for him, I can—” 

“Y/N. Go. Home.” He gives you a pointed stare, and you feel so small standing next to him, even though you got a bit of his height. “Look, we’re sending out search parties. We have people going to Lonnie. He’s going to be okay.” When you don’t respond, he repeats himself firmly. “He’s going to be okay.” 

You take a deep breath and nod. “I’ll see you at home, kid.” 

You push past Officer Callahan, who totally just watched your embarrassing breakdown, and back into the hallway. You assume your father meant for you to go home after your classes, but even if he didn’t, you aren’t skipping chem. There’s another fucking test tommorow, and you’re not missing this free study session. 

Nancy takes note of your distraught look as you enter the classroom and sit down on the stool by hers, even though you had tried to rinse your eyes with cold water on the way over. 

“What was that all about?” She asks. 

“Nothing,” you make something up. “My dad realized I forgot my lunch at home, but it was a little late…” 

“And he sent an armed guard to escort you to pick it up?” She laughs. For a second, you think she’s onto you, but you realize she’s joking as she turns away to focus on the board, where your teacher is balancing an equation. You fucking hate chemistry.

AHHHHHHHHHHH thank you for reading all this!!!! this is insane!!! i love her so much! writing this slow burn is going to KILL MEEE. pls like, reblog, interact to encourage more of my writing and let me know what you think!

xoxo, thaliagracesgf (real)

i'm tagging people who interacted with my idea post and who i thought might like to see this fic, but please please let me know if you'd like to be removed from this list, or if you'd like to be added!

taglist: @thisisourlovestory @ladygrey03

[pinkroseblooms]

Bizarre Love Triangle

Kumatani Mitsuo/f!Reader/Usahara Tobikichi in a love triangle; since Usahara has more experience with dating he knows what's up but Kumatani is currently still in the dark about his own feelings. No real resolutions, just fluff and some angst and a My Best Friend's Wedding reference for funsies. Summary: For once Kumatani is the one oblivious and Usahara is all too aware of the dynamic that's developed between the three of you. Pining!Usahara, Obliviously Crushing!Kumatani, and Oblivious!Reader; let the needless drama begin! word count: 3.4k Playlist: I listened to a lot of Hot Freaks writing this and they deserve more attention (I also played Bizarre Love Triangle cover by Stabbing Westward on loop, hence the title :D ) Puppy Princess Write Me Letters Heartache I Want to Be Your Boyfriend End of the Night I Want You to Be My Daddy

Usahara sits to your left as Kumatani takes the seat to your right without really thinking about it. He’s noticed lately that keeps happening; when Kumatani and him started getting you to come out with them, you were still unfamiliar and it was natural for the two men to sit next to each other. 

In a restaurant, a bar, the movies, or even just going over to one another’s places for food and conversation, Usahara gravitated to sitting next to his friend and vice versa. He isn’t able to recall when Kumatani started occupying the space next to you. Kumatani doesn’t make a big show of it, but Usahara has noticed, every single time. Ironic, considering how people categorize him as the oblivious one, and they had a point, but this is different.

Kumatani’s never even been on a date; obligatory mixers and being pressured into joining “not date” group events don’t count. As long as Usahara has known him, Kumatani’s been single and not ready to mingle. 

“Careful.” Kumatani moves the pitcher of ice water out of your way as you reach for the sugar packets. “You’ll spill.”

“I saw it.” You roll your eyes with good humor, ripping open the packet with your teeth. “I’m not as clumsy as some people when I drink.”

“Who are you referring to, huh?” Usahara grabs the bowl of sugar packets away from your side of the table. “I resent that.”

“Yet you somehow knew she was talking about you.” Kumatani sips his water before pouring himself a cup of strong black coffee without any to add. 

“Oh, don’t you want some cream?” You were just about to hand him the smaller pitcher next to the coffee pot. “I thought you didn’t like plain black coffee.”

“Not usually.”

The three of you had come from a bar a few minutes away, varying levels of buzzed and starving, having not realized the bar didn’t have much in the way of food before stopping in to drink the stress of the day away. Usahara remembered this diner was nearby enough to walk to and open late just for these occasions. He guesses a good amount of business came from drunk people out and about with limited options. 

You had chosen a booth and the seat near the window; Kumatani had sat himself down next to you, leaving Usahara, once again, the odd man out. 

“You guys suck. Always ganging up on me.” Usahara still feels pretty drunk; he’s not known for holding his liquor but even he recognizes tonight was too much. “I feel bad enough. Can you pass me the coffee?”

“I told you to pace yourself.” You sigh, but can’t help smile at his lopsided grin. “You’re so goofy; here, let me pour you a cup. If anyone’s going to spill something, it’s you…”

“Thanks.” Usahara grins wider as you take his mug, pour in a generous helping of hot coffee and stir in three sugars and a splash of cream without needing prompting. “You’re the best; you’d make a great wife.”

“I don’t know if being able to pour coffee translates to being wife material.” You laugh, snorting a little. “I didn’t even make it.”

“It’s more like something you’d do as an unpaid intern.” Kumatani remarks cynically, shooting Usahara a stern look. “I’d say be careful burning your tongue, but it might actually be an improvement.”

“Ugh, next time I’m only going out with her.” Usahara gratefully takes the mug from your hand, fingertips barely brushing against yours; the steam heats up his face and he blows over the coffee to cool it down some. “What should we do for food? I’m still kinda queasy.”

“Hm, they have a sample platter option.” You’re glancing over the menu, lips pressed together as you read the list. “I’m not super hungry though; Kumatani, if I get this do you want to share with me?”

“Sure.”

Usahara brings the mug back to his lips, wondering what his expression must be; Kumatani has scooted closer to your end of the bench, ostensibly to get a closer look at the platter you’re referring to, except he has his own menu, untouched and closed by his cup of coffee. You point out something and look over briefly with a smile in his direction, somehow missing the way Kumatani edges over until his shoulder all but touches yours. He’s glancing from the menu to your face, his own expression as blank as ever; Usahara might have believed everything was exactly the same as it had been last year. That was when you started working on the set as a script doctor after Amon had a particularly harrowing mental breakdown over ideas of the newest season. You actually worked more with Derekida and Furode directly, but had naturally gravitated to the cast members; you appreciated their input without demanding they do your job for you. 

Usahara had thought you were cute before you spoke a word; he was beyond excited to have you join him and the other staff on work trips and after hours social hour. It was way more fun to chat with a cutie pie who laughed at his jokes, so when things progressed to a friendship outside of the job, Usahara didn’t have any complaints.

The three of you have a good thing going on. You’re both Usahara and Kumatani’s friend. Sometimes you go with Usahara to karaoke or leisurely rides on his motorcycle around the expanse of the oceanside roads and other days you go with Kumatani to watch a cheesy B movie or browse pet stores for cat treats. You’ve helped Usahara’s parents move a couch and treated Kumatani’s brother to snacks. 

Usahara is almost completely certain Kumatani has no idea. He doesn’t seem to be cognizant of the way he instinctively goes to make sure you’re okay, almost tending to you, even though you don’t need it. Pulling you away from the traffic side of the walkway, asking if you got enough sleep when you’re yawning a lot, always offering unprompted advice and a sympathetic ear. If you were someone more like Hachita or even Iketeru, Usahara would understand the perpetual need to oversee you, like a magnetic pull. That’s just the type of person Kumatani is. 

“You should have ordered the honey lemon tea.” You’re nudging Kumatani’s arm with your elbow. “Get it?”

“Uh huh.”

“Cause bears.”

“Yep.”

“Bears? Honey?” You smile at Usahara conspiratorially. “You get it, right?”

“I got it.” Usahara doesn’t want to laugh, but he can’t help it; you’re in a silly mood and it’s adorable. He’s not laughing at you; there’s a bubbling, tingling in his chest. It’s too much, he has to do something about it, and his gut says to laugh. “What should I order?”

“Carrot cake.”

Usahara doubles over and now you’re in hysterics too, giggling like a madwoman; you’re still buzzed and off balance, so you teeter to the side. As you place your hand over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound, your head rests lightly against Kumatani’s shoulder. The pleasant sensation in Usahara’s chest squeezes his heart painfully at the way Kumatani goes utterly still as you bury your face into his shoulder when you can’t force the giggles to stop. Usahara may as well cease to exist in this shared space; nothing else is visible in Kumatani’s field of vision. His jaw goes slack, his shoulders slump, and his eyes lose any trace of weary skepticism. 

“You’re drunk.” Kumatani’s voice is strangely hushed; gently props you up and only looks away so he can top off your glass of water. “Go on, have some more water.”

“I will, thank you.” You wipe your eyes and obediently take the glass from Kumatani. “I’m not that drunk though.”

“You’re gonna have a nasty hangover and I’m the one who’s going to have to bring you breakfast because you’re too incapacitated to go grocery shopping.”

“I’ll do it.”

Both you and Kumatani look up suddenly in Usahara’s direction; it takes a second for him to realize how loudly he had spoken.

“We’ll both be dealing with some gnarly hangovers, so let’s grab a late breakfast together.” Usahara continues, undeterred by the embarrassment creeping up on him. “You wanted to try that crepe place, yeah?”

“Oh my gosh yes!” You say excitedly, practically shooting up on your seat. “Let’s do that! Whoever wakes up last pays!”

“Aw, no fair, you know I’m a heavy sleeper-”

“How would she know that?”

It’s Usahara’s turn to look taken aback: Kumatani isn’t giving him a death glare per say, but the look in his eyes has gone from soft and mushy to cold steel. 

“This lightweight crashed at my place last week; I almost broke my back dragging him out of the road.” You explain casually as you fold your menu and place it on top of the table. “Does everyone know what they want?”

“Good question.” Usahara mumbles.

“We’re splitting the sample platter.” Kumatani puts his menu and yours together. “What about you?”

“Carrot cake.” Usahara winks at you, twitching his nose like a rabbit might. 

You return his smile somewhat exasperated. “Be serious: you should eat something too. How about a sandwich? Or soup?”

“Soup is good.” 

Usahara doubts he can handle anything heavier right now; his stomach is churning. Why do you have to be so sweet and funny and smart and perfect? And why did Kumatani have to be so dense? Usahara almost wants to clue him in, just so he can get this over with and you can put them both out of their misery. 

But, what if you pick one of them? What if they both confess and you decide to choose one and the other person is left to be the third wheel? It’s possible that time will overtake both his and Kumatani’s silly, stupid crushes.

Except, this isn’t a crush anymore. Usahara might even be falling in love with you, the same woman one of his best friends is unknowingly, hopelessly fawning over. Staring at you, Kumatani looks more drunk than he has all night. It’s a shame: if Usahara wasn’t so terrified of Kumatani becoming self aware, he would be teasing him relentlessly. 

By the time the late, late dinner is over, Usahara doesn’t feel much better; he spent an hour, sitting all by himself on the other end of the table, essentially forced to watch Kumatani fuss and you, drunkenly, foolishly, humoring him as Kumatani did everything short of hand feeding you. At one point a bit of sauce had smeared near the corner of your mouth; Usahara didn’t know how he managed to stop himself from sweeping all the plates to the floor and vaulting over the table when Kumatani took a napkin to dab at your mouth. 

Once more, you’re in the middle, Kumatani and Usahara on either side, lagging behind you by a step or two. Usahara, with an unearned satisfaction, smiles at the way you sway a little from side to side, humming some melody over and over. 

“Aw, I wanna do karaoke. Usahara? Can you do me a favor?” 

You pout and look over your shoulder at Usahara with the biggest doe eyes, as though you need to even try to act cute to sway him into doing anything; his heart is throbbing against his rib cage. Yes, please, look at him, ask him for something, any little thing your brain can think up. Usahara needs you to look at him first. He knows Kumatani, the strong, quiet, reliable one, he’s the one who's boyfriend material, the guy you take home to meet your family and build a future with. Usahara’s the goofy buddy, cracking jokes and one liners, good company for a fun time and he’s eager to please. 

Unlike Kumatani, Usahara is painfully aware of how he comes off and wouldn't be surprised in the least if you had him all figured out already. He scrambles to be at your beck and call, incessantly following you around like a lost puppy for scraps of attention and praise. It doesn’t matter if you’re asking for his opinion on a script or inquiring about a good spot for grilled meat; it’s an opportunity to prove something to you, to finally make something click in your head and somehow, realize he was always the one. 

"Pick me." Usahara can't stop his own train of thought as you hesitate. You always make his mind go to mush like this. "Choose me. Let me make you happy."

“What’s up?” Usahara grins like it’s all some big joke but he could drown in those big eyes, melt against your pouting lips. “Your wish is my command.”

“What’s that band called? The one we heard on the radio yesterday on your bike?”

“Hot Freaks?” 

“Yeah that’s it! Man, that was bugging me, I hate when I forget stuff like that. Thanks.”

“Sure thing.” Usahara doesn’t stop smiling. Pathetic. He’s so pathetic. “Weather’s supposed to be pretty decent tomorrow; want to go for a ride after breakfast? Lunch? Brunch?”

“Is it? Alright, I’m game.” You give him a knowing look. “No funny business, no driving like a maniac. You nearly gave me a heart attack last time when you-oh!”

“Hey!”

“Watch it!”

There doesn’t seem to be anything to trip over, but all the same, you had wobbled and lurched back. The only reason you’re not laying flat on your back and looking up at the starry sky is because Usahara and Kumatani had sprung into action; there’s two sets of hands on both your shoulders, steadying you so you can stand upright. There’s no telling who reached you first.

“Dammit, pay attention to where you’re walking.” Kumantani’s hand grips onto your shoulder, firm and assuring. “Do you need to lean on me?”

“I got her.” Usahara hasn’t let go of your shoulder and his other hand takes yours gently. “I can take her home with me; we are gonna hang out tomorrow anyway.”

“You’re drunk too; why don’t you go home and sleep it off?” Kumatani says pointedly. “I’ll make sure she’s alright.”

“Dude, she doesn’t need a babysitter.” 

“I’m the one who’s the most sober, it makes sense if I take her back.”

“We’re closer to my place.”

“I don’t trust you!”

“What?” Usahara stares incredulously. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I-I didn’t mean, wait,” Kumatani looks just as taken aback by his outburst. “I’m only saying, you’ve been drinking a lot.”

“Uh, guys?” You look back and forth between them; your head's spinning. “Guys?”

“So that means I’d take her back to my place and…do what exactly?” Usahara could punch someone. “Take advantage of her?”

“I didn’t say that.” Kumatani shakes his head earnestly. “Look, I don’t know what got into me, okay? I’m sorry.”

Kumatani isn’t lying; Usahara knows it, but it doesn’t mean he’s any less pissed. What Kumatani actually meant by “I don’t trust you” is he doesn’t trust Usahara to be alone with you, not when he’s drunk and loose lipped and liable to say something to finally tip the scales in his favor. If Kumatani heads out and leaves the two of you alone now, will there be sparks? The line could finally be crossed and what could Kumatani do but be left to the wayside, the official third wheel, and it’s too little too late for him. 

Usahara knows something of the sort is running through Kumatani’s racing mind, because that’s how he feels every time the three of you are together now.

“Forget it.” Usahara releases your arm. “You’re right, I’m really drunk; I can walk back to my place. You should take her home.”

“Hey, Usahara, Kumatani?” You speak up tentatively. “Is something…like, going on? You two have been acting off all night. Did something happen between you two?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Kumatani also retracts his hand, but stays close to you. “We’re tired, that’s all.”

“Cause seriously, I know Usahara; you don’t think he’d try to take advantage of a drunk girl, do you?” You ask Kumatani directly. “He’s your friend.”

“I know, that’s not it, I was just…I get overprotective sometimes. I had a few too many myself earlier.” Kumatani seems to shrink under your critical eye. “I went into big brother mode, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“Well, thanks, but you don’t need to apologize. I never have to worry about anything around you, Kumatani.” You tell him with a warm smile. “I know you don’t mean to overdo it; and anyway, it’s what I like about you.”

“Don’t oversell it.” Kumatani rubs the back of his neck. “Either way, I’d feel weird making you go home alone. Let us walk you back.”

“I appreciate you two looking out for me.” You say gratefully and pat Kumatani’s head. “You know, you’re like the big brother I always wanted, but tone it down a notch, alright? We’re all just hanging out having fun, right?”

“Yeah, right.” 

Kumatani watches dumbly as you start walking once more, eyes forward this time to avoid any unexpected trips to the ground. He looks lost and Usahara can’t stop the pangs of sympathy that go out to his friend. 

“Oh wow dude.” Usahara mutters, clapping a hand to Kumatani’s shoulder. “That’s rough.”

“Shut. Up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There’s mostly silence on the way back to your apartment with occasional attempts on your end to get a conversation going again. After the exchanges of goodbyes and goodnights, Usahara and Kumatani wait at your door, making sure you get inside and lock it behind you. They stand outside your door for a few seconds before turning around.

“I need a freaking drink.”

“Want to get a nightcap?”

“Sure, whatever.” Kumatani’s expression softens. “Hey, I am sorry about earlier. I honestly didn’t mean it that way. I know you wouldn’t...”

“Yeah, I figured.” Usahara sighs. “Still, you thought we might end up doing something if it was just us alone.”

“I don’t know what I thought.”

“Dude, playing dumb is my thing.”

“You are dumb.”

Usahara smiles. “So, what do we do?”

“What do you mean?” Kumatani looks genuinely confused. “About drinks?”

“Ugh, man, you’re depressing me.” Usahara whines. “Just be straight with me: are you going to ask her out or not?”

Kumatani scowls. “None of your business.”

“Fine, be that way.” Usahara's smile falls. “Hypothetically, what if she decides to date one of us?”

“I doubt it.”

“I mean, you might be the cool one, but girls like a good sense of humor.” Usahara says lightly, folding his hands behind his head. “And you’re about as dry as seaweed paper.”

“Can you take anything seriously?”

“I’m serious about her.” 

Usahara stops in his tracks; the bunny’s already out of the hutch. He’s never been one to bite his tongue and keep his thoughts to himself anyway. 

“I’m pretty sure when I tell her, she’s gonna laugh in my face, but I don’t care. If there’s even a small chance, I’m going for it. She’s worth it.” Usahara frowns. “Are we going to be okay?”

Kumatani’s mouth is downturned, considering the question sincerely. After years of knowing each other, Usahara can’t name an instance where they’ve fought. Bickering, sure, and plenty of times where Kumatani’s wrath has been activated or Usahara’s been irritated, but it’s never gotten serious. 

“I don’t think so.”

“You hesitated.”

“Well, what about you?” Kumatani asks defensively. “Are you going to cry if she starts dating someone?”

“...honestly?” Usahara chuckles sheepishly. “Probably. This really sucks.”

“No arguments there.” Kumatani concedes with a wry smile. “We have to be cool; we can’t count on Uramichi or Nekota to offer any sympathy about this, can we?”

“Yeah right; if she picks me, I’m going to rub it in your face.”

“I’m going to go back to her place right now and tell her that.”

“No! I’m sorry Kumatani, it was a joke, just a joke!”

“Hey, I like her too.”

“Uh,”

“I get it now.” Kumatani says quietly. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

Usahara’s stomach drops; this is exactly what he was dreading, but what is he going to do? Tell Kumatani to knock it off? Say “But I liked her first!” and call dibs? He feels childish enough; when Kumatani had so innocently put his hands on you to keep you propped upright, Usahara had to fight off another pesky impulse, this time to yank you into his arms and never let go.

“Took ya long enough.” Usahara yawns. “I changed my mind; I’m gonna go to bed so I can get up early.”

“Early?” Kumatani looks vaguely disbelieving. “You really don’t want to pay for breakfast, huh?”

“I’m paying either way.” Usahara shrugs. “Shouldn’t the guy pay on dates?”

Kumatani stands under the street light and Usahara can see the resolve in his gaze. 

“Does she know it’s a date?”

“Call it a test run.” Usahara shrugs his shoulders again. “See you later, Kumatani.”

“Later.” 

Kumatani nods stiffly; they walk away in opposite directions, satisfied to leave things on a tentative truce of sorts. Usahara knows he’s being a little sneaky, but he believes whatever happens, their friendship can survive the fall out. Ultimately the final decision is yours alone.

Until then, all's fair in love and war. 

[lou-is-lurking]

20 questions for writers

thanks so much for tagging me, @they-lived 💜💜💜

These questions looked vaguely familiar, so I checked and found I answered an almost identical version here. It's been three years since then tho (??? sounds fake tbh), so some answers will be different (and some won't), so here we go

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 24

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 117,073

3. What fandoms do you write for? Yuri on Ice still owns my ass

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

No Nut November [Otayuri, E]

Jacky's and Becky's Bizarre Adventures [Otapliroy, T]

The Waiting Game [Otayuri, E]

Perfect Storm [Otayuri, E]

Off-Season Gossip [Otapliroy, M]

5. Do you respond to comments?

Almost always, but I'm sometimes still as slow about it as I was three years ago whoops 😅

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Still this one: Stuck making Excuses

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh.I really don't know. Maybe No Nut November? Or Kiss it Better? Or even Not According to Plan? All the Friends to Lovers ones lol

8. Do you get hate on fics? No. Bless smaller, quieter fandoms lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah. Still the kinky kind, mostly. Which apparently was also my answer last time I did these questions, but I was Offended (affectionately) when @weeheilandcoo recently challenged me to "write normal sex" as if I never do that??? Which, uhhhhh, it seems I actually do not? So... Yeah. ("Vanilla??? SAD.")

10. Do you write crossovers?

Still only got that lone Yoi/Buffy crossover deep down in my WIP folder (tho apparently I worked on it sometime in October 2022 cos that's the date of the latest version lmao)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, actually! The first was Kiss It Better, translated to Russian and poted to ficbook Here.

Then this year No Nut November and Turn Down the Heat were also translated to Russian and posted on AO3 - with custom fanart / headers! 🥰 Awesome experience everytime, everyone was super sweet <3 <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, not fic at least. I've done a few co-writing projects for other stuff, but most of the time it didn't really work out / wasn't for me. Only exception: A short story for one of my Vampire the Masquearde RPG campaigns that I wrote together with a friend a long time ago. Batshit insane stuff. Good times. 😆

14. What is your all-time favorite ship? Otapliroy (and any other combination of these 3 boys)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

SO. MANY. UHHHHHGGGG 😭😭😭 Side-eying my 50s AU, specifically.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Humor. Banter. Dialogue in general, I guess.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

To actually fucking write lmao. Finishing a story to the point of being presentable. Also, pacing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Can work really well. Can also be fucking hilarious if the translation isn't accurate.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Some vampire show for kids when I was seven or eight. Not sure if that counts since I wasn't even aware of 'fandom' back then 😅

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Impossible to choose, would pick a different one every day lmao. But I've been having a lot of Pliroy thoughts lately so maybe today I'd pick Symbiosis .

Tagging any mutuals and followers who want to play! Feel free to tag me in your posts I' wanna'd love to read your answers 💜

[saturday-byte]

Hope this doesn’t bother you a lot, but can we get some headcanons of the teachers? I was curios about ur vision for them

Dw it doesn't bother me !! I love getting asks ^^

Anyway it's going under read more bc this feels like a long one

Sketch

• she/they enby, omnisexual (<- me when I'm projecting)

• mentor figure for the newer teachers

• gives drawings and crafts as gifts, might or might not have various voodoo dolls

• uses Colin as a monitor for digital art

Tony

• he/him, bisexual

• you CANNOT tell me he doesn't drink tea 24/7. Most British mf I have ever seen

• weird hearing, very sensitive to loud sounds but can barely hear normal talking tones. Applies to his own voice too so that's why he screams a lot

• kind of an inferiority complex for the decaying use of clocks over technology lol

Shrignold

• gay and homophobic idgaf

• aware of the harm he's doing but genuinely loves his cult- "family" a lot

• likes telenovelas, granny type of beat

Colin

• he/it Libramasc, pansexual (here I am, projecting once again)

• has haphephobia but is working on it (this one might as well be canon idk)

• everyone has a computer day, so even if you see him every day you only get screentime once a year

• autism 🫵

• his tail is retractable

• has SO MANY viruses, that's why he glitches and talks slow

Healthy band

• doing them all together bc how can you think of them alone :[ don't separate them

• common fanon of them being a family ykn the drill

• their "birthday" (or date of release lol) is actually fridge and steaks anniversary

• depending on the day they either make the most rancid bizarre food or a 5 stars, Gordon Ramsay approved meal

• running on the same luck, fridge can either be filled with normal groceries, nothing (you have to buy groceries) or gore. Like those are his guts leave him alone

• everyone hiding inside fridge is apparently a normal bonding experience

• bread boy is transfem !! (Should we start calling her something different?)

• spinach is also a she/they enby, nobody in here isn't lgbtq

Lamp

• he/him but doesn't really care, pansexual

• has been trying to be sober but he's already very fucked up, that's why he's like That™ in the TV show

• the other teachers we see in his episode are his party friends

• absolutely watches the others dreams, likes to bother them about what they mean

★ ok now the TV show ones

Briefcase

• has an absurd amount of skills, barbie kind of ridiculous

• lives with his brother and sustains them both

• workaholic

• was mr.petersons before red guy

• actually not that bad he's just really fast paced, genuinely just lost the trio on the fabric

Coffin

• he/him goth gf <3

• doesn't like music AT ALL. And is very mean about it

• besties with the tissue box !!

• originally only used his hush tone for work but it slowly morphed into his normal voice

• pretty bad PTSD

• very kind with kids and people in general tbh, it might be something useful for his job but it's just how he is really

Lily and Todney

• I don't think about them a lot sorry

• they know what they are doing and that their whole family dynamic is pretty fucked but they genuinely just really want a mom tho ,,,

Warren the wo-Eagle

• genuinely just hate him so I don't think about him a lot either lol

• had no power over the trio because he was fired and not technically a teacher anymore

• his whole Thing (ykn) comes from bullying and a feeling of inferiority. He still sucks tho

Mr.Transport

• well. I guess I just don't think a lot about the newer teachers

• was actually a really nice teacher before still going to work at 120 years old

• nobody really liked him but he was the other's only way of going outside the house so they endured him

• there was a fight over his will. People died

Electracey

• she/they enby n°3, lesbian

• really scared to touch her batteries now, has caused her to get cranky but still refuse to change them until forced

• puts up light shows for her friends

• huge sci-fi and videogames in general fan

• Colin's cousin. Actually all electronics are related

• wanted to be a music teacher but her biology said no

★ this is more of a general one but all of them are somewhere in the aroace spectrum !! I think it comes with the object nature. I have not defined where all of them fall tho

That's it I think. This is so long I am so sorry I just enjoy them a lot so I have a lot of thoughts

[roland-the-farter-stan-account]

I’ve noticed this phenomenon where men (I’ve only experienced this with white men) who thought they were going to spend their life “in the ministry” wake up and realize they don’t want to believe in the homophobia or accept the casual racism in white Christianity or any number of other problematic hateful things in the church and leave. And good for them! But they don’t have another plan for their lives now that this divine direction is gone, so they immediately look for an audience to share all their brand new, surely extremely valuable thoughts.

Infamously I think of Joshua Harris, who gave a generation of Christians significant trauma spewing dating advice from his arrogant teenaged ass in his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye only to immediately begin peddling advice on how to undo said trauma the exact second he began to peel back the rotten layers of his “deconstruction.” Bizarrely, I experienced what was in form a sermon in a yoga class. The pieces were all in place: lights dim, ambient music playing, and all of a sudden I heard “the church voice” as this bearded fuck in stretchy shorts and a tank top recalled some banal anecdote and tried to tease out a relatable message on his captive audience. And the there’s the pile of podcasts I tried to listen to only to realize 3 episodes in the these motherfuckers weren’t in any kind of position to offer me any help, and as men had frankly never suffered anything like I had in the church or now while leaving it.

If you think about it, Christian churches are a relatively easy way to build an audience. Particularly pre-influencer-era, with American Evangelical Christianity’s lack of corporate structure and hierarchy there are few barriers between you and an audience once a week lapping up your every word. You can build from a “couch church,” start as a youth pastor, or if you’re hot enough I guess, marry a preacher’s daughter and bypass even the minimal initial requirement of charisma. If a formal pastoral position isn’t for you there are even more plentiful roles leading small groups, Sunday schools, counseling (in many US states including mine counseling in a religious setting even about non religious issues requires no certification), or at bare minimum commanding the head of your family table.

But you leave, you have to because you don’t believe anymore. And all of a sudden you’re facing a lifetime of Not Being Listened To. What are you to do? Tell other people what to do! Immediately! It doesn’t even cross your mind that you’re still totally lost and in the thick of it. YOU have the insight people need RIGHT NOW to do exactly what you’re doing at this very moment!

They think they’re listening but they haven’t had the time, because for one thing they haven’t stopped talking for a goddamn second. They realize now they were wrong about “the role of women” and “homosexuality” (they are probably still saying it that way) and that they were a part of systems of oppression and patriarchy and racism, but it doesn’t compute that they need to sit the fuck down. Knowing something is wrong isn’t the same as knowing why it was wrong or knowing what is right. Step off the soapbox, turn off the microphone, and don’t you dare start a goddamn podcast.

[mackthecheese]

Favorite fictional ship, and reasons?

(Oops I accidentally saved this as a draft instead of posting :/)

Two answers here because one of them is rather bizarre and not well know.

Valerie Gray and Danny Fenton from (you guessed it) Danny Phantom. Canon did Valerie SO DIRTY and I am so upset by that. Danny and Valerie have such an incredibly interesting dynamic with them mutually pining as humans, but Valerie generally HATES Danny as a ghost (she doesn’t know they’re the same person for most of canon). As canon progresses, she becomes more and more willing to collaborate with Phantom and even comes to a sort of understanding with him.

BAM CRASH WOAH HEY CANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING????

They broke up so Danny could get with his ultrarecyclovegetarian goth girlfriend. Maybe I’m biased because I just don’t like Sam as a character, but I really don’t think Danny and Sam work well as an item. Like at all. She’s not even that great of a friend to him, let alone a lover. Canon just tossed Valerie aside for no reason (no story-relevant reason anyway, but given Butch Hartman’s reputation with hating minorities, you can probably safely assume he couldn’t stand having his precious white main character get with a black girl for more than a season).

——————————

Now. Hear me out here when I say DJ Octavio and Cap’n Cuttlefish from Splatoon.

They were definitely lovers (or at least had some mad mutual pining) pre-Great Turf War. They broke up because of the war and now (now meaning during the events of Splatoon 3) they’re dating again. Old gay men. That’s all.

[esc-is-holding-me-hostage]

Okay, I'm finally done with the annual quick reviews. Overall opinion: it's 2020 all over again but the lows are not so low (and the highs are not as high either). The competition is very open, which is refreshing after last year's one-horse race disguised as a two-horse race. There are no songs I would listen to after the contest but as a Eurovision lineup it's pretty entertaining and varied. Also, the girl-bopocalypse of 2021 was much better. Albania The decision of translating the song into English is already questionable but did we really need a fucking dance beat in the last chorus?

Armenia I love how fun it is, but I wish there were, you know, lyrics in the chorus

Australia You couldn't have made a more unsettling music video if you've tried.

Austria I don't know why they've decided to go with bloody eurodance this year. It does not feel updated for the modern times, it's not a cheeky pastiche either. We Will Rave feels like it's been lying around in a vault for the past 20+ years and then the Austrian delegation accidentally stumbled upon it and decided that yes, it will be a perfect Eurovision pick. I still don't hate it though? It might become my guilty pleasure of the year even.

Azerbaijan Why would you bring a guy with such a charismatic moustache just to do a little 10-second chant near the end? He deserves better!

Belgium I should love it. It should've been my number 1, it's Belgium going back to Dark and Moody™, it's what I always want from them. And yet I only like it. The last minute or so is great, but the lead up to that is whatever and doesn't do anything for me.

Croatia The chorus is weak and kinda generic, but the verses are so good they make up for it. The "please meow back" line receives the award for the best lyric of the year.

Cyprus For a twice (or possibly thrice) recycled song it's surprisingly okay. Nothing groundbreaking, it's still a dance-pop song from Kontopoulos, but it's fine.

Czechia I have a complex love-hate relationship with this one. The melody is great, it's exactly the kind of music I listen to outside of ESC. But good lord, do I hate the repetitive self-empowerment lyrics in the chorus.

Denmark Ehhh... She's a good singer I guess.

Estonia I think it's my favorite song of the year? Similarly to Trenulețul it just activates some primal dance spirit in me. Suit jackets on the naked body are still a crime against humanity tho.

Finland Yeah, I'm sorry, but if you hate No Rules, then you hate fun.

France France keeps trying to hide from us what's actually popular in their country.

Georgia It's another generic girl-bop ESC song, we've got half-a-dozen of these this year, but goddamn Nutsa is a fucking powerhouse.

Germany Imagine Dragons-ass production aside, the elephant sounds are such a bizarre choice.

Greece ... I'm sorry but Zari sounds like a bunch of noises with no melody to me, I'm very much not the target audience for this one and I don't get why everyone seems to love it so much.

Iceland Yeah, it's dated and kinda lame but in a very charming way.

Ireland Doomsday Blues is great, but because of all the layering and vocal distortions the live version will always be very different from the studio one. What I'm trying to say is that the live version sounds like an off-off-Broadway villain song.

Israel It's boring as fuck.

Italy It's nice but similarly to Greece I have no idea why is it so beloved by the fandom.

Latvia The song is so boring, that the most talked about part of Latvia's entry is Dons' lack of hair.

Lithuania After I've reassured myself that no, Luktelk does NOT sound like a Ruki Vverkh song it became pretty good.

Luxembourg So much potential in Luxembourg's comeback and yet they went with the most mid(tempo) song ever.

Malta Another generic girl-bop, and the closest we've gotten to an actual SloMo copycat, but it's okay I guess.

Moldova I almost forgot to write anything about Moldova before posting it, which is all you need to know about my opinion on In The Middle.

Netherlands I hate to say it, but I kinda love it? Yeah, Joost has the most punchable face in the history of humanity and I've made several references to my comedically exaggerated hatred of 90s dance music, but Europapa just keeps getting better the more I listen to it.

Norway I like it, but can't really say anything about it other than that.

Poland Very "topped at number 37 in Billboard hot 100 in 2019 and then was featured in a couple ads"-coded

Portugal One of the Portuguese entries of all time (i still like it tho)

San Marino Not as good as Arcadia but I'm happy Megara have made it to Eurovision anyway :)

Serbia It's fine.

Slovenia Similarly to Belgium, I wish I loved it more than I do.

Spain Really fun entry, iconic journey to ESC, but the weak vocals will be the reason the juries will murder Zorra in the Grand Final.

Sweden Not as forgettable as everyone says it is but it's still polished Swedish pop entry #569328

Switzerland From testing the limits of my attention span two years ago to making the most ADHD song of the year, huh. The Code is so many things at once and yet it works without feeling like a disjointed mess.

Ukraine I miss the times when Jerry was making funny meme songs, now we're stuck with her religious awakening era. Alyona's verse is the highlight of the song, everything else is good if you don't think about the lyrics too much.

United Kingdom I don't know how, but the UK has managed to make a decent song that I kind of hate yet again. The production in Dizzy annoys me to no end, I fucking hate the bells and the synths in the chorus, why are they so fucking annoying.

[inchidentally]

(screencapped to stay out of the tags)

I'm going to be bundling my other tricky asks as always in one post under a cut but this one as actually a learning curve for me as someone who doesn't really follow Max stuff.

I genuinely hadn't realized just how much time Lando had spent with Max privately and non-F1 weekend related. I'm not esp a Max fan which would explain me missing a lot but I did know they had a pretty solid friendship that dated more closely to his friendship with George and Alex - but damn that's way more time spent with Max than any other driver this season!

what's funny too is that Max is actually super happy to be physically affectionate in a flirty way with other guys similar to how Lando is. Carlos is only like that with certain guys, namely Charles and guys his own age that he deems as "pretty". but as someone who pulled shippy shit from any car|ando interaction I can honestly say that the "ooh they touched in a sexy way!" stuff was just how Lando is with guys. Carlos firmly has Lando in the little brother/friend space and literally says he thinks Lando is "cute" and that it's weird when people ask them to kiss. and yes, they have dinner sometimes and travel on the same plane sometimes to the next race - but just this season Lando did that with Daniel and Oscar and Max as well.

so surely Max including Lando in all this personal life stuff and spending time together online and in Monaco during the winter break is a HUGE threat to car|ando? I genuinely can't and don't want to try and understand the larry mentality of RPF but if I had to guess then it's something as wild as them considering Max as already part of a major RPF ship (|estappen or maxtie|) that's supposedly ALSO taking place under cover of all these "fake" girlfriends? man I wish I could remove the terms "beard" and "escort" from these people's vocabulary.

I've also got an ask that apparently charlos causes rage for both |estappen and car|ando bc they have an agenda that Charles and Carlos hate each other but then keep getting infuriated when Charles mounts Carlos or Carlos won't stop touching Charles' thighs or they try to kiss for the millionth time. akgfsakfgaf how exhausting must it be keeping these theories going I caaaan't

but returning to your ask yea fact is that Lando is way closer and more of a friend outside F1 with Max than Carlos. they meet up probably the same amount during the drivers parades as car|ando and sometimes even get handsy. but I guess somehow that's different ?? even when Lando has teased that RB would be his only temptation away from McLaren and Christian Horner wants to en plein air fuck Lando ???

from what I can tell, Daniel was never considered a threat to car|ando which continues to be bizarre bc purely objectively again, I would say he's more of a friend outside F1 to Lando than Carlos. not by a whole lot but Daniel and Lando share road trips and private flights and Lando fits into Daniel's friend group really well. I guess maybe since Daniel's just widely loved in fandom in general there was less motive to try and tear down his relationship with Lando?

that's true, I also seem to recall starting to see this anti-landoscar BS starting around Japan/Oscar's contract extension. I suppose if I were trying to look at it through their angle then the Japan and Qatar double McLaren podiums coming right after Singapore - including Oscar's extension - would be seen as some kind of "insult" ? I guess Oscar went from being cute and non-threatening to suddenly cockblocking the Carlos back to McLaren pipe dream (that Carlos would literally only do as a fifth or sixth option and only if Ferrari gave him the boot lol). especially since Lando insisted on being crazy happy about the double podiums instead of I guess wistfully thinking of how much he wishes he could play second fiddle to Carlos getting the only non-RB win of the season instead of trying to idk help his team and himself in the standings.

then there was the crazy mood swing when Lando and Carlos went to dinner after Mexico and flew to Brazil together (with Rebecca) - to the rage when it turned out that Lando hanging out in Brazil for a day or two after the race wasn't car|ando bc Lando went to Cali almost immediately for sponsors meetings while Carlos and Rebecca both posted pics and video of their private holiday together that went right up until the day before the Vegas race. I definitely saw the uptick in car|ando agit prop after that whole shebang bc then Carlos wanted Rebecca at the "car|ando cup" and kept checking in on her. the hatred towards her truly took on a whole ugly and dark turn after that.

it is still so damn weird that Oscar/landoscar is the target that it is for them though. I have another ask where in some F1 group Christmas art the artist depicts Lando interacting with Carlos and not Oscar and ??? it's a drawing??? and I'm assuming they don't rate Lily's existence as security for car|ando since apparently any woman can be conveniently written off as a fake gf. but Oscar doesn't play gay with Lando and he didn't push for a bromance and generally keeps himself to himself unless Lando wants him around! he's a Lando fanboy but he's not even hardcore pushing content of him and Lando on his sm! the poor guy is literally just standing there catching strays bc of a mainstream bromance that has nothing to do with him

I'm sorry anon this went so wide of what you were saying but genuinely I used to spend so much of my time on car|ando accounts and it's slowly turning into a larry "they are looking to each other" edit type fandom ;__;

but fr why does Oscar get put in the "we hate the real life girlfriends" category ?????? I genuinely laugh bc it's so insane why isn't he like Max or Daniel why is he That Fake Bitch Standing In Our Ship's Way and they aren't is it bc he's prettier and serves natural cunt afglajfgalgfslafg

[hawkogurl]

Aside from that one parksborn fanfic from 2007(2008?) what are something other things that inspired certain aspects of FtD

If I randomly mention something overly specific as if it was part of the original movie canon, it was probably mentioned in the novelizations.

Obviously I snag a lot directly from various Lovecraft or Cthulhu Mythos stories, though I do redo more than you’d probably guess. I gotta file off all that racism. I also snag some overly specific elements from bizarre parody dating game Sucker For Love.

I should give a shout out to voice actor Matt Mercer because Harry effectively functions like a dnd Blood Hunter

I don’t ever get to talk about her, but FTDverse Emily Lyman pulls a lot from Irish mythological figure Deirdre Of The Sorrows.

I think it’s hard to answer this because a lot of the weirdest elements just fully come to me. I genuinely came up with the thing with the plants at 2AM, trying to fall asleep, messaged it rapidly to a friend so I wouldn’t forget and fell asleep minutes after. I also think I just generally enjoy writing things that are bizarre, unconventional, and at risk of sounding edgy, communicating themes in sort of fucked up ways. I generally think there’s nothing I can’t use for narrative purposes. Every gory or bizarre element to my writing is actually purposeful.

Also half of this is just my own analysis put to fiction. It’s as much a character study as anything else. It’s a game of extremes too.

[teethpaste]

chat is it normal that I don’t super miss my bf. Idk if that’s even the right phrasing. I miss him sure but it doesn’t feel like. Unbearable lol.

Like we don’t text anyway so I’m here in ireland and we exchange maybe 2-4 texts a day

He hasn’t asked to FT or call so I asked if we could but with the time change he doesn’t get off until like 12-2 am my time and with the jet lag I don’t know if I can stay up that late

I just feel like a baby with object permanence where like, when we’re together in person I have SO MUCH FUN and I love him and it feels good but when we’re apart sometimes it feels non existent lol

Or is this normal? Is this how it feels when a relationship is stable and you aren’t obsessed with the person bc they make you feel safe, presently, so you have no reason to be up their ass with communication? He also isn’t a big texter so our texts are kind of dry. No real long debriefs or sexy texts just like general updates. I’m used to dating someone I can text for hours lol or who is blowing me up/wanting to talk often or is telling me how much they miss me and want to fuck me when I’m back

I guess I’m still trying to figure this relationship out. It sounds fucked but I’m also used to being like .. the “better” more stable one (lol) ina. Relationship. And now dating him makes me realize how fucked up I am. Like I can tell I will be a better person by being with him. But we have lived such different lives. Like I feel like I can’t burden him with the bad things in my life.

I had a friend who is an ex heroin addict send me fucking bizarre string of texts at 4 am Sunday morning asking that she knew I was in Ireland but if she and her bf could get into my apartment thru a window to drink any liquor I had .. I am weirded out obviously thinking my apartment got broken into bc I know a bender text when I see one and like my first inclination was to not even text my bf. I texted 3 other people to go check. Ive been talking to an ex situationship about my grandma and holiday gloominess bc they’ve had a lot of family members die .. talking to my other friends about how I feel depressed . I just don’t tell him the bad stuff but I can’t tell if it’s bc it’s still early or bc I feel like I can’t