#i gotta go move my brother into college and then i’m gonna rot for a few days i think

[broadway-and-books-love]

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[elocinnicole]

Butterflies – Part Three

Pairing: Collin Hoskins x Black!Reader

Rating: M for Language and Death

Tagging: @ohsoverykeri

Part One Part Two Part Three

You spent most of the day in your room not wanting to be around Collin. This isn’t the first time you and Collin got into a fight. The last time you could recall, was when he first went to jail and he was complaining about his mom not coming to see him.

A Year Ago

You played with your fingers waiting to see Collin, he’s been locked up for almost a month and the people who came to see him regularly were Miles and yourself. Of course, Val didn’t come but the past couple of times you came to see Collin you would ask his Mom to come along. At first, she would agree but then when it came to the day of she would cancel.

“You got one hour.” You heard the gruff voice of the CO. Collin was escorted to your table, you offered him a small smile which he returned, having been his friend for almost twenty years you knew something was troubling him.

“How you been, Y/N?” Collin pulled you in for a hug, you smiled into the embrace, Even though you saw him last week, it was hard visiting your friend in prison.

“I’ve been good, Collin.”

“That’s enough!” A booming voice barked, Collin rolled eyes and the two of you pulled away. Collin saw the bags of chips on the table and his eyes lit up

“You got some for little old me?” He teased

“Shut up, I only did it because your Mom asked me to.”

“You talked to my Mom?” He asked, you looked at him with sad eyes. The last time you came to visit him, Ms. Nancy had told Collin that she would come to visit with you

“Yeah, uh I know she said she was gonna come with me today, but she wasn’t feeling good this morning…” Collin slowly nodded his head

“Collin—”

“Y/N, I don’t know how she can’t come and see me. I’m her son, Y/N! I’ve been in here for a month and she still hasn’t come to see me. Don’t she miss me?” Collin asked his voice growing loud

“Of course she does, she said she misses you all the time.

“Oh yeah?”

“She said it’s too hard for her.”

“It’s too hard for her?!”

“Hey! Keep it down Hoskins!”

“How do you think I feel? I’m the one that’s locked up!” Collin asked in a loud whisper

“Yeah, over some dumb shit.”

“Oh really? So you been talkin’ to Val?”

“Collin, don’t go there!” You were hoping that this would be a good visit but as time went on you were getting increasingly irritated with your friend.

“How do you think I feel when my Mom won’t come to see me?”

“How do you think she feels? Who do you think called her when you got your ass arrested? Did you know she put a second mortgage on the house to try and bail you out? When I told her that you got arrested the first thing she asked me was did they shoot you? Collin every time I see her or call her on the phone, she cries, the entire time, for you. So, before you get mad think about why she may not want to see her son in handcuffs.”

“Alright, visiting time’s over.” Collin’s CO said and before you knew it they were escorting Collin away from you…again.

You were finishing up a wig for a client when your phone ringed and you saw a text message from Trevon,

You went back to your wig when another text came through, this time from Janelle

The sound of your door creaking open made you look up, you saw Collin slowly entering your room holding a plate of nachos. You tried hard not to smile, nachos were your favorite food to eat. You and Colin would eat them all the time when you were in high school. “Figured you were hungry,” Collin said sitting on the edge of your bed.

“I am, thanks.” You said grabbing the plate of nachos and placing them on your nightstand and joining Collin on your bed. As much as you wanted to discuss your argument from earlier there was an even bigger elephant in the room.

“We need to talk, Collin,” You started

“I’m sorry for not asking about Val, that shit’s foul and it’s your place—”

“I don’t wanna talk about that.” Collin frowned in confusion

“We got gotta talk about the other night, because you can’t be getting mad at me when I go out on a date but I have to ‘understand’ your booty calls with Val.”

“They not booty calls,”

“Oh so what are they?”

“I’m trying to work things out with Val trying to see if we have something,” you rolled your eyes and sighed heavily

“Why do you act like you owe her something?”

“Because I do!”

“Collin, when was the last time you heard from Val other than her wanting some dick?” Collin turned his face away

“Exactly!”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You bringing all types of niggas in here!”

“First of all, no the fuck I don’t, two, it’s my house. If I wanna bring a nigga all up and through my house I can do that. Besides, it’s not niggas, I’m actually talking to someone and he’s been here once, try again.”

“I’m doing the same thing!”

“No, you’re not, you getting your dick wet just because some bitch says ‘jump’.”

“Don’t be like that Y/N, we didn’t really end things. I just want to see if there’s anything still there.”

“How many times, does Val have to tell you she don’t wanna be with you? Did she come visit you, put money on your books, did she even call your ass?”

“You don’t gotta give me a history lesson, I know all that shit,”

“Did you know she was gonna let your ass rot in that jail cell? She didn’t even want to attempt bail you out.”

“Y/N—”

“Collin, she’s not good for you. I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“What makes you think she not good for me?” You were done talking in circles with Collin, at this point, all you wanted to do was be alone.

“You know what Collin, Imma drop it because you gonna do whatever the fuck—-”

“Nah, air out, tell me why you think Val’s not good for me,”

“I’m not about to do this with you, Collin.”

“Y/N, as my friend, shit, one of my best friends, you gotta air out,”

“Janelle sent me a text—” Your phone ringing interrupted you, you almost ignored it but you saw that it was your Mom calling.

“We’re not done with this conversation,” You said before answering your phone.

“Hey, Mom—wait, wait, slow down. What’s going on?” Collin saw your face drop and instantly grew worried

“Okay, okay I’m on my way.” You ended the call, still trying to process the conversation you just had.

“What’s going on?”

“Um, I gotta get to the hospital, my dad just had a heart attack.”

You stared out the window while Collin drove the two of you to your parents house. By the time you got the hospital your mom told you that your dad was gone. Various memories of you and your Dad flashed through your mind. From learning how to ride a bike to when you graduated from cosmetology school and how your Dad treated it like it was a college graduation. That was your Dad though, he went above and beyond for every event for you and you brother no matter how small it was. Being the oldest, you were always a Daddy’s girl. Life without your Dad never really ran across your mind, of course you knew that he wouldn’t be here forever but you didn’t think that time would be now.

You laid on the twin size bed in your old teenage room, staring at the ceiling your eyes focused on the Nelly poster. If you looked at anything else in your room you would’ve broke. You’ve been doing a great job, so far, at managing your emotions, you didn’t have time to fall apart. You have to be there for your Mom, your brother, and your nephews. The bed sunk letting you know that Collin had got in the bed with you. You insisted that he sleep in your brother’s room. Even though it was still the same size bed in his room as well, you know that he would have more space rather than sharing with you. Collin could sense you were barely hanging on, he turned his body toward you, waiting for you to look at him.

“Y/N,” You ignored him, “Y/N, look at me.”

“Collin, I’m fine. We have to get some rest, we gotta get my brother and his kids from the airport early tomorrow.”

“Y/N, can you look at me? Please,”

“Collin, I’m fine. Goodnight.” You turned off the lamp and rolled to your side, hoping Collin would drop it.

The next day Collin, tried to get you to slow down but if you sensed he was trying to talk to you about your Dad you would change the subject or busy yourself with something else. Your mom made a Instagram post so you were getting calls and text messages all day, it was becoming over whelming. Luckily for you, Collin had to work that evening so you didn’t have to deal with him following your every move making sure you were okay. Your brother, Cameron, and you were now attempting to draft your Dad’s obituary.

“I don’t know why we can’t put that in there.” Cameron mumbled under his breath.

“Because, it’s not important! He only spent one semester there,”

“And? That’s where he met Mom!”

“Cam, we only have one page for this obituary, it’s not an autobiography. We can say when they met and got married, period!”

“So you just gonna cut out an important part of Dad’s life?”

“Cam, I’m not—you know what, I can’t do this. Ever since I picked you up from the airport, you’ve been fighting me with every decision. I’m going back to my place,” You huffed quickly getting your bags together.

“So you just gonna leave?”

“Yes, the hell I am.” You left your childhood home, slamming the door shut, once you were halfway down the block you realized that, you didn’t have your car. You let Collin drive it to work. The walk to your place wasn’t long but it was late, your pride hindered you from walking back to your Mom’s and facing your brother again,

“Damnit,” You pulled out your phone and called the first person you could think of. “Hey, can you give me a ride?”

“Thanks, Miles, for picking me up. I know you and Ash are busy with Shauna—”

“You fam, it’s no problem and I’m sorry about your Dad, he was like the only guy I looked up to.”

“Thanks, Miles. You remember that time he caught you skipping school?” Miles chuckled at the memory

“Yeah, I ain’t know he was following me and shit. He hopped out the car like he the muh fuckin police. Then he had my ass running back home while he drove behind me.” You laughed while Miles reminisced until he got a text from Ashely.

“Miles, go home before Ashley beats your ass.”

“Well, shit I’m waitin’ on your ass to get out my car.” You jokingly shoved your friend before getting out

“Bye, Miles!”

“Ay, when you gonna come braid my hair like Ash’s?”

“Bye, Miles!” You shook your head as Miles sped off. Once you got inside you realized that you hadn’t eaten all day. You honestly didn’t feel like cooking so decided to order something from UberEats. Nothing looked appetizing to you so you decided against it. Sitting on your sofa, glass of wine in hand, you finally had time to yourself, no one asking how you were feeling, no one calling to offer condolences, family members and friends you haven’t heard from in years were reaching out, it was too much. Finally having a moment to yourself, you felt the tears coming

“Y/N?” Collin called out, you quickly wiped your tears, not wanting him to see you cry.

“In the living room.” You called out, Collin walked with takeout boxes in hand.

“Figured you’d be hungry,” you gave him a small smile in return.

“Thanks, Collin, but I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something—“

“I told you I’m fine, I’ve been telling everyone I’m fine all day! Damn!” You snapped

“Aight, I was just checking on you!”

“I don’t neeed anyone to check on me, I only want one person to check on me and he’s not here!” For the first time today, you finally cried. Collin sat eside you and pulled you close to him

“No amount of food, texts, or phone calls can bring him back.” You cried into Collin’s chest as he held you. You pulled away and Collin cradled your face in his hands, you leaned into the embrace. He gently grabbed your chin and before you knew it, you were kissing Collin. You were the first to pull away and Collin frowned

“What about you and Val—”

“Fuck Val,” Collin said pulling you in for another kiss.

Please let me know, if you would like to be tagged in this series.

[deafwestnewsies]

be my first last kiss

You can plan on a change in the weather or time, but you'd never planned on him changing his mind.

jack kelly x davey jacobs

read it on my ao3!

Earnest to goodness, Jack Kelly was going to murder Racetrack Higgins.

No, Anthony Higgins, this was the sort of thing that makes you pull out the tarnished christian name of a friend (or so you thought) you’ve known since he was toppling over on baby-fattened legs. Anthony Higgins would die by the sword of Jack Kelly.

He just had to get this godforsaken Youtube video filmed first.

You’re doing this for the cash, Jack grumbled to himself as he passed through the metal doors of a nondescript building on the Lower East Side- it was the kind of place being slowly taken over by hip and fun corporations promising Asian-fusion bars and eco-friendly thrift stores while edging out the relic businesses built on the backs of immigrant dreams. Jack couldn’t stand areas like this, the air thick with wasted luxury, so he rarely left the barrio. Why would he? Spot Conlon slept in the bedroom next to his. Katherine Plumber and Sarah Jacobs ran the bookstore that bought his baked goods and sold them for decent money. Medda lived down the street with her plethora of children, and Racetrack still beat the known path, doing tricks on the street corner for spare change and internet views. Davey- David. David Jacobs wasn’t there. It was right where Jack wanted to be.

Much unlike the dim studio where he now shuffled his feet, waiting for the perky young PA with bright red streaks in her hair to come back with further information about the video he would be shooting. Jack wasn’t a stranger to this small production company; He participated in a few Youtube videos back before they had millions of subscribers, he played truth or dare with lots of liquor and a complete stranger, he confessed about the first time he fell in love so it could be put to pathetic music.

Cash where you could get it, right?

“Kelly, right?” Cherry Streaks was back with a vengeance.

“Jack, actually,” he corrected.

“So you’re going to stand over there where the little blue X marks the spot and wait until the producer, Adam, starts asking you a few questions. The first one might be a test for our boom guy. Answer honestly, we can pretty much tell when you’re making up a story by this point. After that, the main part of the video will begin. Got it?” She was pointing wildly with a Number 2 pencil that had previously been stuck through her ponytail, and she smelled faintly of jasmine. Jack felt dizzy.

“Wait, I thought this was one of those ‘Choose who’s the best kisser out of ten strangers’ type of deal?” I mean, that’s what Race told me- oh God. Oh Santa Maria. Oh Saint Francis.

The young woman smiled like she was keeping an excellent secret. “Have fun, Jack Kelly.”

Walking off at her ominous dismissal, Jack stood where he was directed. The fluorescent lighting made him sweat under the knowledge that he had virtually no idea what he was doing there, Race had lied to him so that he would participate in some sort of sick, horrible scheme, and for all he knew, behind door number three could be his third grade teacher with a baseball bat and a basic multiplication grudge.

“Jack! It’s nice to see you again.”

Romeo was walking towards him with that easy gait Jack had memorized so long ago- Romeo had shot the original videos on an Amazon tripod and the unfounded hope of human connection, and now he owned the entire shebang. Jack dropped his tense shoulders to give him a warm smile. “Romeo. Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.” Jack lowered his voice to a stage whisper. “You’ve got a production assistant who actually does work, so I’m assuming we’ve died and you earned a really nice deal in Heaven?”

Romeo barked out a laugh. “If I’ve died, do not resuscitate. I’ll never be able to look at another bodega meatball sub after cooking food bought in a real grocery store.”

“Rub it in, why don’tcha?” Jack punched the shorter man on the shoulder. “Listen, Romeo, you gotta tell me what I’m in for, a buddy totally sold me out for the cash and I have no clue what this project is gonna be like.”

Before Romeo could respond, a tall, lofty man behind the camera cleared his throat. “Darling? We’re ready to begin when you are.”

“Jack, meet Specs. Or Adam, but we all know how well nicknames stick. Specs, this is the old friend I was telling you about.” Romeo ended right above Specs’ elbow, and it was all Jack could do not to laugh.

The man fixed his thoughtful gaze on him. “It’s nice to meet you, Jack. You’ve got a real presence on the camera. Have you ever considered acting?”

“I’m afraid I’m, uh,” Jack flexed a paint-stained hand. “Strictly canvas, as they say.”

Nodding as if that was a phrase people commonly used and not something Jack invented on the fly, Specs then clapped his hands together. “Folks, let’s film this sonofabitch.”

---

“I’m Jack, and I’m a twenty-four year old artist living in New York City.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship?” Specs questioned from behind the camera.

Jack blinked in surprise. “Sure. One throughout high school, another in college and a little bit beyond. I wouldn’t call myself a heartbreaker or anything.”

“Do you stay friends with your exes?”

“One of ‘em, yea. It was more of an amicable thing, you know. She ended up being a lesbian. And I am… not.” His clumsy fingers tugged at a constricting collar.

“And the other?”

“Just because I’m not a heartbreaker doesn’t mean I can’t be a real asshole sometimes,” Jack nervously chuckled. (Davey had laid out rose petals, for God’s sake. Rose petals.)

“Was this girl the high school girlfriend, or the college one?”

“Boy,” Jack quickly corrected. “Man. I guess. He was in college- four and a half years.” (It took him four days to clear away the rotting flowers, the bleeding color slowly seeping into his carpet. Katherine found him delirious with whiskey on the bathroom floor; Sarah couldn’t bear to walk through his front door.)

“How’d you meet him?”

(He twisted in his high-backed blue chair. “It’s habláis in el presente.”) “Freshman year of high school actually. Spanish class. Funny story, actually, that other girl I dated? His sister. Broke her heart for his. He was so mad at me that we didn’t talk for like, months after.”

“It was six and a half months, actually.”

Of things Jack was expecting to see today, Spiderman was more likely than David. A flash mob singing death metal, maybe. Pigs flying through the polluted air.

“I was told to come in. I now see why.” David’s eyes narrowed behind his thin wire frames, different from the heavy Ray-Bans that he had dedicated himself to sophomore year of high school. Jack hated that he looked older, wiser, and all around… better.

Specs cleared his throat before the bewildered set of men (one more angry than the other, both desperately avoiding eye contact) could demand what sort of sick joke this was. “Can you introduce yourself?”

They broke up on a Tuesday, an insignificant, momentary Tuesday. Fourteen months ago. (Yes, fourteen months, like their terrible split was a baby that Jack was nurturing bit by bit. He refused to round down- fourteen months ago, he left David Jacobs.) So when David ran his thumb across his jawline, a nervous tick older than his younger brother, Jack couldn’t fathom why he felt so relieved. Some things never did change. “David. Jacobs.” David’s jaw flexed as he looked into the camera. “I dated Jack for almost five years.”

“Tell us about your other relationships.”

“Unfortunately, I spent the better part of high school and college pining after a total cocksock. Not a whole lot of time for casual dating in between.”

A deep silence permeated the studio as two boom mic operators swapped awkward glances. Jack didn’t attempt to defend himself- he was sort of a cocksock. David Jacobs had asked him to uproot what little life he had in New York and move to Santa Fe for a prestigious, so-accolated-you-could-cry medical school, and Jack Kelly broke up with him over containers of kung pao chicken and scattered rose petals. He was a cocksock, a dickhead, and complete asshole. An ex-boyfriend of mass proportions.

“Okay, so.” Specs was wiping at his glasses with the tail of his shirt. Jack wanted to snap them in half. “Today’s video is entitled ‘Exes kiss for the first time since their breakup’. If you need more explanation…”

“I think we’ve got it.” David snapped, clenching his fists rapidly.

Jack stepped half an inch closer to David and began murmuring under his breath. “Davey, if you don’t want-”

“Don’t call me Davey.” His eyes were alight with flame- Jack’s chest caught fire.

Of all the things that felt domestic when dating Davey Jacobs, kissing him never managed to become routine. Davey kissed like he earnestly meant it. The gears in his brilliant mind would grind to a halt so he could dedicate himself to the lilting curve of Jack’s mouth, a gentle sweep of warmth when the artist’s mouth was otherwise preoccupied with his needless words, and the world would spin on a delicate axis. (Jack’s shoulders rose to meet Davey, the physical ache of being someone’s other half drawing him forward. Davey had avoided him for so long, Jack living on a diet of lingering stares and a brief touch of the hand, that kissing him felt like a dying man knelt at a replenished well. How did they exist for so long without this innate knowledge of the universe? Could he stand to go on a single second longer without the praise of Davey Jacob’s lips?) Of all the things Jack missed about spending his life with Davey Jacobs, kissing him was certainly one of them.

There was a moment where the pads of Jack’s fingertips brushed the nape of David’s neck, a habit borne from the small noise it would draw from the back of his throat, and the steely corporate floor felt more like the worn carpet in the old thirty-second street apartment. Jack could feel his thready pulse with the gentle press of a thumb.

Davey was a fan of the dramatics- he would pull away from a passionate kiss in the middle of a busy New York street to stare into Jack’s eyes, foreheads gently touching and cheeks furiously blushing. Now, he simply drew back. Took a step away. Swiped at his lips with the back of his hand.

Jack felt like he was falling. (“If you ever break up with me,” Jack began. He laughed at Davey’s unexpected shudder, the honest and visceral kind. “Make it quick.”

“What about when you break up with me?” Davey peered over his glasses.

Crinkling his nose, Jack quickly answered before the other boy could detail any breakup preferences. “I’m not an idiot, Dave. ‘M not going anywhere.”)

---

He stared at the limp fifty dollars in his hand. Romeo had apologized, explaining that the people who had organized this got half the cut, and handed them both an envelope- Jack, one with “Tony Higgins” that he planned to run through his shredder, and David, one with “Sarah Jacobs,” which made Jack gawk in disbelief.

Jack didn’t want to walk away; David’s feet were shuffling against the worn pavement.

“It’s funny,” David started. “I listened to a lot of Taylor Swift to get over you.”

He winced. “Sorry?”

“Please. I know she’s been your top artist since 2013.”

(Katherine walked through a worryingly unlocked apartment door. “Is that... Begin Again? Jack, what the fuck are you doing?” She had seconds to worry about the cluster of wilted flower petals her heel had put a hole through before Sarah pointed at the pair of legs sticking out of the bathroom’s entrance.) “Yeah, okay. Fair. But… funny? Did I miss a joke?”

David closed his eyes to roll them, as he so often did when he was trying to be polite, and it hurt to be on the receiving end. “We just had our last kiss. You know, like-”

“I’m Joe Jonas?” Jack interrupted, bewildered. The semi-glare he received in return was all he needed to know- “Right. Dickhead. Listen, Dave- David, why didn’t you tell me you were back in town?”

There was a brief moment where something unrecognizable flashed over David’s face- pity? Regret? Dejection? It was quickly replaced by a soft smile tugging at the edge of his lips, his eyes glazed over with a practiced professionalism. “I’ll see you around, Jack. Have a good day.”

David turned and walked down the street, and Jack just missed the passing moment he chose to look back.

---

Comment on EXES KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THEIR BREAKUP by IncredibleKinsey: those two dudes are all mad and then just make out like that????? yeah okay call me when the wedding happens

[avalindin]

To Hell and back

Loki fic

Chapter 2: Shatter the fantasy

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Previous Chapter: 1

_____

 “Wake up, wake up.”

The warm hands at the side of her face softly worked its’ comfort to make her open her tearing eyes. It could have been a trick but she would make sure she was safe. There were things she did remember that helped her deduce that she was still in trouble, no matter how sweet his voice sounded.

“Immie? Look at me, honey.”

The voice, his was distorted but she knew what wasn’t real.

“This isn’t real. Wake up!”

Her ears popped as something sent a painful chill to skin. Her cheek stung but it was her neck that hurt the worst with the force of his hand.

“Now, wench! Wake!”

His slap made her open her eyes as the colors were forced away into new shapes. Her body jolted as she rolled to her side. She locked eyes with the gray skinned man as he looked to the glimmering closures around him. Her own eyes blurred and she feared that whatever magic helping her was wearing off.

“Fear not, wench. This is only his memory. It is fighting to take shape so that we give in.”

“Whose?”

“I was shaken from my own. You seemed to understand your dream was not reality.”

“Yeah. I would know when my neglectful ex being nice to me. Where is everyone else?”

She blinked away her blurriness to the golden wove designs of a prison surrounding them. Monsters hissed and pounded on the structures of their cells to the faceless guards that passed by.

“Nalek.”

“What?”

“My given name is Nalek. I am sorry for my actions and for my distress but you were correct when you suggesting leaving. We need to find whomever this place belongs to.”

“This isn’t August or Roysce.”

“Or that of Emmilette. She doesn’t seem as regal.”

“Loki? That would explain... I don’t know. So we wake him up, then what? We end up in someone else’s memory?”

“I may be mistaken. This place could be crafted from his memories.”

“It’s an illusion.”

“Precisely.”

They turned at the opening of their cell door. There was no chance for them to move as shackles magically attaching to their arms and legs. The guards caught them before they hit the ground. Imogen looked up to the vibration of the guards’ faces.

“We need to get free and find Loki!”

A stray guard swung his gauntlet and almost knocked Nalek unconscious.

“Nalek! Let me go, you pig fuckers!”

“Worry not, child. These are illusions, these are not real.”

“That blood looks like it hurts.”

“We only need to wake and this will all be gone. The injuries as well.”

Imogen fought the guards as they were dragged down majestic halls and through the shouting faceless people of Loki’s mind. They were stopped in front of towering gold doors. One of the guards clamped his metal hand around the back of her neck as she tried to bite back the pain.

“I haven’t exactly been one for pain but we need to find Loki.”

“I concur we may need his strength and any other skill for survival.”

“Where would he be in all this shit?”

The doors creaked opened as they were greeted with the roaring and shouting of the faceless crowd around them. Imogen watched as Nalek tried to put up a fight with his guards as her own dragged her to the bit of golden armor waiting at the top of a throne.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Nalek turned in the direction of her eyes.

“Loki!”

They both fought and kicked, adding to the excitement as the crowd shifted forward to them. Imogen drove her knee up and was able to break free.

“Wake him now, child!”

Imogen pulled her chains behind her out of reach of the guards to not get caught. Her feet thundered under her, fueling her to move faster. He looked confused to the illusion around him but once he woke, she would not see the fitting armor that fit his torso beautifully or the golden crown that sat on his head.

“Loki, you need to wake up!”

Since the dream wasn’t real, he wouldn’t feel any pain from her chains but she had to be strong enough to wake him. A single foot planted into the top step but she was pulled from it and jerked back down from him.

“No! Loki!”

“Stop!”

Loki looked down to Imogen and the men as the guards backed away a fraction. A guard pulled the maiden from his throne and put her with the others at the base of the stairs. He took his time to descend, to take in everything he could of the woman in chains.

“What is your name?”

“Loki, this isn’t real. You need to wake.”

“And you will address me correctly or I will have your head.”

They turned a chuckle as Imogen looked over her shoulder to Nalek’s widened smile.

“Wench, I think he thinks he’s a king! That would explain it!”

Loki sneered his lip and drew his dagger. The point was quickly turned into his darkened neck.

“No! Nalek, stop pissing him off!!”

“Remember what I said? This isn’t real, wench. Don’t worry.”

“Should you worry, old man, if I were to slit your throat? It would not matter but your feminine compatriot would not be as beautiful if she is dead to me.”

He snapped his long fingers and wrapped green silks to her skin. Imogen was stunned as she pulled at her dress, almost not noticing how her hair became clean and dangled in an impossible braid over her shoulder. Loki’s finger lifted the braid and touched her collarbone. Her fingers reached up for the collar as a choker diamonds scratched at her tips but it would still be there when she woke.

She felt as if it had done the same before.

“The hell?”

“The best of the best.”

He had inhaled the skin at her neck as she forced herself to stay calm.

“Look, Wench. I think he fancies you.”

“Shut up,” she hissed under her breath.

Loki raised his dagger higher to Nalek’s throat and nearly pushed the blade into his skin, drawing a fine trickle of blood.

“Another word from you and you will regret it as my kingdom watches.”

“Oh, we’ll see, your grace.”

He launched his head forward and head-butted Loki hard enough to send him back to the floor. Nalek reached for Imogen and dragged her away from the guards and shouting crowd. Imogen saw the glowing green glare of Loki’s eyes.

“It didn’t work, Nalek. Please, tell me you had another plan.”

“Trust me, you won’t like it. If we can’t physical shock him then we need something to pierce his mind.”

Loki waved his hand to summons his guards’ swords to draw at the ready.

“I dont�� give a shit. Just do it!”

“Forgive me, wench. This will hurt.”

Nalek shoved Imogen to the floor and knelt on top of her. She could feel her cheek split from the force of his arm. His knee dug painfully into her back. She felt the breath forced from her chest and her arm twisted up painfully. In the few seconds it took Loki to get to his feet, he saw the gray man pull harder at Imogen’s arm. His heart broke at the tears in her eyes. She shrieked in pain as a bone in her arm snapped. The crowd backed away in terror at the sight of blood staining the beautiful green dress.

Nalek forced her screams from his ears and pulled harder as her fingers stopped moving, only hanging limp. Imogen screamed as her body filled with pain. Tears streamed as more blood dripped from her tearing wounds at her shoulder. The dress was beyond ruined with tearing and blood as well as the diamonds staining with her blood. Nalek could see the faceless crowd begin to disappear. Loki was stiff with fear and anger as the man tore her arm clean away from her body and tossed it to the floor in front of him.

The moment he didn’t accept the limb that fell at his feet, he could feel the ground quake underneath his feet.

Nalek jumped at the crack that shattered the side of the large throne room. Blinding light didn’t bother Loki as he shook off the crumbling image of Asgard as he dove for a pale Imogen. At once, the dress disappeared and her arm was perfectly in place. Her head spun wildly as she failed to look at her missing right arm. She could only look to Loki diving for her as his armor melted away and his illusion fading away fast.

“No!”

They woke at the same time but it was Imogen, then Loki and Nalek. Imogen screamed, clutching the right arm still attached to her. Nalek and August sat her up and tried to stop her hysterical screams. Loki’s eyes looked to a dark beam of light that dimmed and disappeared in a flash. Around them, the mist evaporated to leave crumbled bones and rotting bodies under them.

“Wench! It wasn’t real. You are fine now.”

She stopped rocking and snarled her like a dog to Nalek.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

Loki shook off the last of his dream and felt empty of his powers. Feeling void of the memory and powers, he helped her brother pull her away as his arms encased her completely. With her in his arms, she softened the images around him and in his head.

“Imogen. Please forgive me. I didn’t know. I...”

She held on to Loki and was glad that it wasn’t real after all. He didn’t fight August prying his arms off and comforting his sister in return.

“Imm?”

“I’m fine. You don’t want to know what happened...”

“We really are in Hell.”

“What?”

“Dante’s Inferno. The nine levels of Hell. We were in the second level. Lust.”

“Ew.”

“Not like that. What did you see?”

“Abe before he went to shit. You?”

“Silence. The moment I said hello, everyone swarmed me and wanted to be my friend.”

“Yeah, that would do that. Nalek said it was an illusion.”

“Something to draw us to keep us here. None of it was real.”

She looked to the saddened eyes of Emmilette and Roysce.

“I’d been reunited with Agamotto.”

“I was in my van jamming to my Chili Peppers. I knew the drugs were too good to be true.”

“Wait,” she pushed herself to her feet, disappointed that the dress was gone, “You said this was the second. What was the first?”

“Limbo. The easiest. We need to use caution the further we go.”

“Shit. Why are we here?”

“Don’t know but we still have to get to the others.”

“Wait,” interrupted Roysce, “This is some college shit. Dante’s inferno? Dante Alighieri?”

“But think, he poured out more than ten years of his life to write it. Look around, has he gotten anything wrong so far?”

“Okay, fine. Say this is all true. We passed through two levels with seven more to go, yeah?”

Imogen ran her fingers through her dirty hair. Her chest hurt as it felt like it was burning her, her neck too, but it was just the collar.

“So what level is next?”

“Gluttony,” he pointed to a separate arch of light ahead of them, “We need to be careful. Come on.”

August pulled her further from Loki and lead them all forward to the arch. Imogen closed her hand tightly to her brother’s and walked in silence. She looked over his face, wanting to remember as a memory came back to her.

“You think it will go away again.”

“Meaning I may not see you again. I remember seeing you when you were a baby, Gussy. You were so beautiful before you became a total prick.”

“I thought it was Gassy, you know before we knew I was lactose intolerant.”

Loki was glad to see how Imogen’s arm wrapped around her younger brother. Though he was taller, the strength of her arm made her shelter him from the frigid wind that greeted them as they stepped through the arch. The smell of the freezing rain was worse than the freezing rain itself.

“Holy s-shit!”

She huddled into August and Roysce as the wind blew harder. The leather armor on her felt as if it was doing nothing to protect her from the cold. Everyone around Loki flinched from the harsh cold but it did not bother him. He lifted his hand, feeling nothing but a welcome chill to his skin.

Past the group, he looked to the hundred of thousands of white snowy mounds about their size. He stepped forward to the nearest mound and pressed gently. Flakes of ice fell from the mound, startling him as he looked to the person frozen to death in place. He grabbed Emmilette’s arm and turned for the group.

“Everyone lock arms and walk.”

“We need to find shelter and water.”

“We cannot stop.”

He stepped slowly, watching surely as each of their arms locked together. They marched forward, one foot in front of the other to pass the others that had been frozen to death.

To Loki’s word none of them stopped and looked under the building snow of the other that obviously stopped. Imogen looked over Nalek’s shoulder to the arch that disappeared behind them. She almost forgot about the gray crevices on his face that filled and dripped with freezing rain. He wiped it all away and smiled enough to hurt.

“We will survive this, Wench! On forward.”

She turned in the direction of his shaking pointed finger and used her strength to help pull the group forward. The further they ventured, the more the more the frozen corpses seemed chopped or broken as red chipped ice crunched under their feet. She stopped for a moment as her throat seemed to feel cut off from any extra air. Imogen didn’t feel Emmilette’s feet stomping the collecting ice from her legs to keep her moving.

“I can feel it too, young Imogen. We cannot stop now, we must keep moving.”

The men stopped and pulled her forward as the rain stung worse. August held her up to shield her the best he could manage. Something picked up to her ears as she turned her eyes to the whitened darkness.

“Do you hear that?”

They all could hear the growling in the distance but they did not wish to stop and find out where it came from. Loki saw Nalek stop ahead of him.

“Nalek?”

“We are not alone.”

A pair of red steaming eyes glared to each of them with more to join in around them. The group collected together in fear but only Loki stepped forward.

“Come. Move slowly. We will not die here.”

He felt himself shaking as he ushered the group past the outline of large beasts that licked their long teeth that grew well past their lips. He didn’t look to te pitch black rough skinned things that towered even over him. For once, no one dared to feel the cold as they walked silently in unison, hand tightly gripped to one another. A few of the beasts snapped their jaws to get one in the group to run.

None did.

They howled together, scarring the life from Emmilette but Imogen covered her scream as the pack ran off and attacked the taller mounds of frozen souls behind them.

“Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming,” she forced as she held Emmilette close.

Loki made sure he was the one to stay at the back of the group to see the beasts well behind them feeding. Of the group, he assumed that he was the most capable fighter should something had happened or attacked them.

“Hellhounds,” shouted August as if the winds weren’t trying to silence him.

“What?”

“They’re like Cerberus. Dogs of Hell. They feed on the frozen that didn’t make it.”

Roysce pulled the lapels of his jacket closer as he pressed on. He made sure both women were walking ahead of him.

“I need a burger and some Jameson. Anyone else hungry?”

“That’s the realm.”

“Any suggestion on how to survive this one, Einstein?”

“Mind over matter? Imogen?”

They all stopped as they looked to Emmilette on her own. She shivered and lifted her shaking pointed finger to the colors of Imogen’s dark armor disappearing into the winds.

“Imogen!

They ran, sliding in the slushing mud for her as she dropped to the ground.

“Take Emmilette.”

Roysce and Loki lifted her to her feet and wiped the mud from her. She tried to wrench her hands away but she was too weak. They followed her eyes to the glowing in the distance.

“Another arch. We’re almost there. Come.”

They helped one another through the thick mud and rain until they passed in the arch.

Imogen was the first to stumble to the beautiful patch of green grass as her body’s pain and fatigue slowly disappeared.

“What the hell?”

“Are you okay?”

She rubbed her neck and fixed her clothes.

“I guess. Where are we?”

It was an oasis of sorts. The scene was a flowing watering hole but she had no reason to drink the water. Large smooth rocks lined the water and the breeze was settling to their dirty skin. She looked to the beyond to a canyon with cracking moving rocks below. She stepped back to be safe and away from the edge. Roysce was the first to make the water and wash the mud away from him.

“Great,” laughed August, “There goes the drinking water.”

“The joke’s on you, Genius. I’m not even parched anymore.”

“Me neither.”

“Or me,” concluded Imogen as she looked to the dazzling water behind of her.

She blushed as Loki stripped off his tunic and crouched down in the water. It was nice to see him smile.

“Well, look away if you’re embarrassed.”

Imogen turned herself away to a different part of the watering hole to wash herself. She still couldn’t help herself to his half nakedness.

“We can’t stay. This level is greed.”

“What’s there to be greedy with? There’s water for everyone and space enough to everyone to walk in the canyon. I may just pick a lovely flower for the ladies.”

Roysce splashed Imogen with a great amount of cool water to make her scream. She laughed more as August did the same. He lifted her from her feet and dunked her in the water.

“Loki! Make them stop.”

Loki felt at ease and able to finish the miniscule task before him. He reached for Roysce and flipped him into the water easily. The man was nothing compared to what the Hell Hounds would have been.

“Oh, shit,” coughed Roysce as he stripped off his own shirt, “We got us some white water wrestling. Everyone place your bets! The mortal and Lurch!”

Loki was amused with Roysce, cautious to the twitch in the man’s eye and chuckle as he fought playfully with the young male while everyone else watched. Though focused, his eyes couldn’t stay off of Imogen as she stood next to August. He would have given anything to be next to her.

He smiled to the opportunity as Roysce got to his feet and leaped for Loki. He ducked at the last second and flipped Roysce from his back into August. Both men wrestled in the water, leaving Imogen to herself. Her eyes never left her brother. She wanted to remember everything in case she went back to normal when all was said and done.

There was a hand at her arm that didn’t turn her too quickly as she was met with Loki’s devilish grin.

“Looks like you are left unattended.”

“Nope.”

She grabbed his arm and twisted it until he surprisingly gasped in pain. He chuckled and wrenched himself free. He licked his lips out of habit.

“Come one, man. I’m not scared of you.”

His eyes didn’t stay to the wet tunic from under the armor that stuck beautifully to her skin. Loki raced forward and tackled Imogen into a deeper end of the pond.

“Yield?”

His sides ached from the laughter and his joyful gasps. He wasn’t ready for her legs to wrap around his waist and throw him down into the water. His eyes cleared of water and a welcoming sight that could have only crossed his wildest dreams.

Imogen’s hands pinned down his arms to the mud bed. She leaned over whatever part of his chest she wasn’t sitting on as various drops of water caressed down her skin. Dirty water fell from the ringlets of her hair. He followed each trail up past her chest and the column of her neck. He stopped to see the quick voiding flicker of white to her eyes.

Imogen could see her hands covered in jewels, slowly making their way up a naked chest, skin clear of any blemish or scar, to wring the life from the neck.

“Don’t ever think that I’ll give you what you want.”

He was sure of how to answer her but her low voice was ensnaring. Loki felt his chest and other aspects of himself want more. Imogen felt her voice in the back of her head warn her of the things she was seeing.

Hela nearly got sick on herself as she watched through the shadows. She was hiding under a slaughtered Hellhound in the third realm to heal the slash wounds on her legs. The growing stench of the dying hound comforted her as she played with the rings at her wrist.

She decided it was time but which one to break. Her long nails watched one by one the golden rings as they clanged together. She smiled to the oldest one with a crack already in the gold.

“I chose you,” she smiled as her strong finger broke the gold to pieces from her bloody wrist.

Nalek gasped as his eyes sight was taken from him. No one saw him flail to the ground. Blood ran from his nose as each of his memories came flooding back to him. Emmilette looked to her ruined dress as its innocence was torn and covered in dirt.

Soon she would be free with the others and back again with her love. She was just glad to be alive. Over his shoulder, Nalek pushed himself up from the grass, gasping for air.

“Nalek?”

He met Emmilette’s eyes in horror and knew he had to act quickly. She cupped the side of his face as the sleeve of her dress slid down and confirmed his approaching actions. Nalek forced a smile to keep her distracted.

“I am fine, my dear,” he smiled as he sat on the smoothest rock and cleaned the blood from his nose.

He saw the group frolicking in the waters irresponsibly and knew it would be easier to remain unsuspiciously. The quick look to the appearing ink on his arm made him smile. He knew what he had to do.

“Quite a journey we have had so far.”

“I would say so, Nalek. I thought the Hellhounds would get us.”

“Indeed, at least this would seem a peaceful place to die.”

“Do not say that. We will be free soon enough.”

The squeeze of her hand made her break his heart but it had to be done. It returned to her long white hair as she gathered it over her shoulder. Nalek washed the blood from his hands and gathered a bit of water in his palms. Drops fell back to the pond as he steadied his hands.

“What will you do when we are free?”

Emmilette closed her eyes and smiled blissfully to break his heart worse. She would be missed.

“I will be reunited with my love again and live life as I can. It is all I can do after all we have been through.”

He pushed down his nerves and gathered enough water in his hands.

“Sounds... decided. I hope you find him,” he choked back successfully, “Water? I would hate to have no strength for the rest of the journey.”

Emmilette was hesitant at first.

“You are wise, Nalek. You almost sound like Agamotto. Thank you for your strength to protect us.”

He watched as she arched her head forward and drank from the edge of his hand. He forced himself to remember the last few second of her beautiful life before it was taken from her. Imogen would not have given in so easily but Hell was Hell and people died all the time. At the last second, her skin hued green.

She lifted herself back and slowly looked up to him. Her beautiful smile was forever gone.

“N-Nalek? What have you done?”

He looked to the etching in her arm before it festered away.

A traitor is among you.

The secret would have to die with her as she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Imogen moved away from Loki as she got to her feet.

“Imogen? Did you see something?”

“No. Let it go, Loki.”

He lifted himself from the water and only reached out for a bit of comfort of both of their part. The flicker returned as the perfectly arched hand from her vision wrapped around her neck and held her to a wall. She could feel the fingers squeezing only a fraction to make her gasp and her heart to raced wildly.

She couldn’t see the man’s face as his lips brushed against her ear.

“My dear, you really must stop lying to yourself.”

She swatted at the strange tingle in her neck and Loki’s hand as she backed further away. The realization of the man being him terrified her but she didn’t know why. There were too many unwanted feelings pulsing her to be near him.

“What did you see?”

“Nothing. I’m not going to jump to a conclusion without all the pieces.”

“Please don’t lie. Anything could help us get out of here.”

“I think it’s best that you stay away from me until we have our shit together. The last thing I need to do is get someone killed because of something we don’t understand.”

Imogen turned for her brother as he stopped wresting with Roysce. She hugged August glad to feel an emotion that wasn’t fear or terror. She looked to the tender moment shared between Emmilette and Nalek as she drank from his hand. The clear water under her looked so beautiful and untainted under her. She was tempted for a drink as well.

“I’m thinking about a drink too,” shrugged August.

She broke away from him and pulled on her clothes. She forced herself to keep her eyes to the water so that she wouldn’t meet Loki’s eyes. She didn’t want anymore memories or to have anything to look back on. August rested his hand on her shoulder and smiled. She thought for a moment to tell him. They jumped as Emmilette shrieked to the sky.

“Emmilette?”

Imogen fought the flowing water to make it to the festering, ashing mass that was where Emmilette was sitting. She reached for her arm, reducing it to ash in her fingers as a green flash stung her hand. Imogen shook in her familiar fear as Emmilette gasped for useless breath.

“No, no, no...”

Her tears returned as the festering turned to beautiful green moss and colorful flowers and clear water to match the scenery around them. Imogen’s tear filled eyes looked around to the beautiful scape to the loveliness that was the poor souls that must have drank the water before they perished. Now Emmilette was with them, never to make it out of Hell as dirt fell through her fingers. The men gathered around Imogen, shocked as she trembled and cried where Emmilette’s paleness had withered away. Her collar clamored to the ground with no one in the moment of shock to see the glowing jewel in the collar to dim out.

Loki stepped in front of Roysce as he was the first to lunge for Nalek.

“What the fuck did you do to her?!”

“She was thirsty! I wanted to give her some water before I took some for myself! You said this realm was greed! I did nothing but help her!”

“Some help that was. You obviously didn’t see her die!”

“Stop it!”

Loki and August pulled the men apart, leaving Imogen to shed her tears over the vibrant flowers that slipped from her fingers. She got to her feet and shook her head wildly. Her arms stung her, bleeding hues of orange and green as they battled for her veins. The surroundings she began to back away from were impossible for her to comprehend. She cried out in grief and pain, unable to see the edge as she stumbled back through her crumbling grass. Roysce was the first to see Imogen before she went over the edge.

“Imogen!”

She looked up to the men failing to reach out for her as she tumbled back to the rocks. The pain she could feel but she didn’t feel like crying out in pain as her body clashed against the side of the canyon to bounce her to the shifting rocks below. The wind was knocked from her as she ended on her back with the eyes of the remaining group moving for the shallower side of the canyon.

She closed her eyes and smiled to the light above her. It almost reminded her to Emmilette.

They opened seeing the colored towers of smoke.

“We are going to get out of here, Imogen. They can’t kill you. You are the best.”

“I’m only lucky. Champions’ circle my ass.”

She turned her head in the memory to August itching at the gold collar attached to his skin. The tips of his fingers were caked in foreign ink that she remembered he didn’t bother to scrape it off anymore because there would just be more the add the next day. She sat up as her coiled brown hair spilled over her shoulder.

In the distance, through the towers, a ship docked on the main bridge. Her eyes saw the important guest that stepped from his ship and locked his emerald green eyes with hers. She wrapped her arm around her brother. They’d survived so far.

“I will not die here,” she decided, matching her words with her memories as she closed her eyes and waited for death to find her.

_____

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[evolvingdoor-blog]

Westfalia

           Of course this dusty van would break down in the desert. I knew I shouldn’t have left my Student Quarters in Murfeesboro- never should have gone back home on my break. We puttered to a sad stop right smack dab in the middle of Arizona on Highway 179, nothing but dry dirt for miles.

“Dang it,” Dad shouted, “flat tire.”

He put the van in park and hopped out to check out the damage. The rest of us stayed in the van. Mom looked at us like she was about to strangle Dad for insisting we take the long way through Sedona.

This trip was supposed to be our Christmas family vacation- a five-hundred-mile drive from Palm Springs to the Grand Canyon. Even once you hit Sedona there’s another hundred miles of tumbleweed until you get to the canyon. It’s not even Christmas. Heck, it’s not even December yet. Mom and Dad insisted we have a November Christmas so that my brother and his girlfriend could come. He has to spend Christmas with Alice’s family since they’re spending Thanksgiving with us. Apparently once you graduate from college you’re thrust into a world in which you have to do your own taxes and worry about scheduling holidays. I crawled out of the seat and it felt like my butt was falling off, three hundred miles in an old Volkswagen van seat was rough. I looked down at the deflated tire. Dad let out a sigh.

“Lou, run in and grab the tire patch kit, please,” Dad asked.

I climbed up the steps and into the van. Mom was sitting in the front passenger seat.

“What did he say?” Mom looked up over her glasses. The wall sized map of the U.S. crinkled.

“I told him this thing wouldn’t make it five hundred miles,” I grumbled.

“Well honey you know how he is. Everything has to be just right and this was what he wanted.” Mom went back to reading the map.

This is just as much Dad’s attempt to recreate his glory days as it is a family trip. Dads used to travel all over the country in a van just like this when he was in college. Volkswagen Westfalia- “Global pinnacle of automotive freedom.” Cheap weed and cheap gas and easy fixing. It might break down but you can fix it with chewing gum and zip tie. Modern cars you gotta call a mechanic and hook a fancy computer up to it. I’ve heard it a million times.

I grabbed the tire patch kit from the emergency basket he carefully packed a week before the trip and went back outside. Nico was standing beside Dad who was still crouched beside the flat tire.            “You don’t think it’s too far gone for a patch?” Nico asked as I passed the kit to Dad.            “I want to save the spare tire just in case this happens again on the way home. You never know.” Dad ran his hands over the tire as if he could magically find the leak.

“Stan, come on, just use the spare, I want to make it to Sedona before the sun goes down. We’re wasting time.” I heard Mom’s voice and looked up at the window slats where she was peering down at us. “You’re not going to find the leak Stan, just use the spare and we can find another tire when we get there.”

That was her final word on the matter and we all knew it. Dad went to the front of the van and took the spare tire off. He rolled it over to the flat one.

           “No-go. This thing is dry rotted,” said Dad. He puzzled over it a few Moments and before Mom could get more stressed out he spoke up.

“Hey Nico- I think the service station we passed has tires…take your sister with you and see if you can find one that’ll work. Your Mom and I will stay here with the van,” Dad said, “take the rim with you.”

Nico grabbed the rim but he didn’t look too confident in his grip.

“You got it?” Dad asked. “Yeah, yeah I got it.” Nico brushed it off. “I’ll come with you!” Alice also said, peaking down at us from the window slats.

Great, pretty little Alice is coming. I didn’t dislike Alice, she was just…. Alice.

I think the service station was like half a mile away. A half a mile too far to walk if you ask me. “What was it called again?” I asked Dad.            “I think it was The Village of Oak Creek,” Nico piped up.

           “Well, let’s go,” I went in and grabbed my jacket and headed for the highway.

Alice and Nico followed behind me, holding hands.

           “Be careful!” Mom shouted after us. I waved my hand at her without looking back.            “So Lou, your brother tells me you’re transferring colleges?” Alice said in her sweet, well-meaning voice.            “Yep.”

           “That’s exciting! Where are you planning on going to?” She kept at it.

           “Not sure yet.”

           “I think Lou just wants to make sure it’s the right place, right Lou?” Nico said. I can’t believe my brother actually just helped me out there. Switching schools was a touchy subject. I couldn’t stay in stay in small town North Carolina anymore but I didn’t know what I would do once I moved back to Cali. I’d figure it out soon enough. The next few minutes were silent. I’m not sure if it was awkwardness or if we were all just taking in the scenery. I think it was both.

I saw where Alice nudged Nico in the corner of my eye.            “Tell her, Nico, go on,” said Alice.

           “Actually, Lou, I’m glad we have some alone time. There’s something I gotta tell you,” said Nico. Alice looked nervous. “Alice and I are getting married.”

My brain just kind of stopped. I didn’t know what to say.

           “So, what do you think? I’m gonna tell Mom and Dad when we get to the Grand Canyon.”

           I thought this was a dumb idea.

“That’s great…” I tried to be happy.            “See! I told you she would be happy for us.” Alice smiled and swung their clasped hands and Nico struggled to hold onto the rim with the other hand. I felt sick.

--

The new tire was on and we were back on the road, full speed ahead to Sedona, red rock city or whatever. Nico thought he was strong enough to carry a tire the whole way back, but we ended up taking turns rolling it down the road. I’m sure we looked ridiculous, scrawny little Nico and two girls struggling with a rubber tire. He picked it up as soon as we got close to the van though. Show off.

“Hey Alice, have you been to the Grand Canyon before?” Mom turned around in her seat to look at Alice.

“No ma’am I haven’t. My parents talked about it before, and I almost went on a school trip one time, but it never happened.”

Alice’s voice was drowned out while I stared at her. She was gorgeous. Of course, Nico would go off to school and snag the perfect girl. I looked at Alice’s breasts. Boobs? I never knew what I was supposed to call them. They were perfectly proportioned, the right size and everything. I looked down at my own chest. Were they that perky? I self-consciously slipped my hand underneath my shirt. They were…normal? A bit smaller than Alice’s, but I’d like to think they’re still nice. Alice turned her head and looked at me. I dropped my hand and stopped groping myself and Alice just saw. She smiled at me and I felt guilty.

The steady thrumming of the tires against the asphalt was soothing at first, but now it just made me impatient.

I had to admit, it was pretty exhilarating to see all these colors. Sedona was just saturated in red and orange. The amber of the rock up against the blue sky in the cool air was like we were driving into a movie. We were actually doing this. I guess this road trip could be worse. Mom and Dad started talking in the front seat and I looked over at Nico and Alice and they were in a serious discussion about buying season football tickets. I sat in silence looking between Mom and Dad and Nico and Alice. They looked eerily similar. When did Nico start looking like Dad?

--

           We stopped at the Cave Springs campground for the night because Dad insisted we had to see the sunrise in Sedona. Dad and Nico started a fire and Mom unpacked our camping supplies. It was getting dark and the sun was just about to slip behind the skyline. Alice and I were left alone by the van. I stuck my hands in my pocket and pretended to be cool. She made me nervous and I didn’t know why. I mean, yeah, I was still a little pissed off they ruined Christmas but she didn’t know she was messing everything up. I couldn’t pin down my anger, but I knew I didn’t like anything to do with their engagement. Christmas was always Mom and Dad and Nico and I having a small but perfect day at our house on Christmas day. Now they wanna get married and all of a sudden his allegiance is with her. What gives?

“Alright, Nico help me set up the fire while your Mom gets the stuff out,” Dad said.

“I think I’m gonna get out of these jeans and put some sweatpants on,” I said to no one in particular.            “Oh good idea, me too,” said Alice.

Alice and I stepped inside the van to change clothes and my heart was beating fast. Maybe if I angle myself away she won’t see my fat. My thoughts abruptly stopped as Alice whipped her shirt off like it wasn’t forty degrees out here and I couldn’t think straight. She pulled a long sleeved Henley over her head and it looked like the softest shirt. I wish I could feel it.            “Hey do you have a sweatshirt I could borrow? Mine is dirty and I only have outdoor jackets. That would suck to sleep in.” Alice looked at me and I tried to mold my face into something resembling calm and normal.            “Sure.” I handed her my favorite one.            “Thanks!” She slipped it on and her hair got all frizzy. She ran her hand over her head trying to get it to go down. She took her ponytail out, flipped her head over and gathered her hair to start over.  I took this as my chance to change. I threw my pajamas on as quickly as I could before she turned around. She flipped back up and finished tying the hair band with her arms above her head. I looked down at her small waist and let out a small whimper.

“C’mon, let’s go before your brother eats all the s’mores!”

I followed her out of the van. Mom had everything laid out and Dad was teaching Nico about the difference between black bears and brown bears. Alice left me and went straight for Nico. She sat in his lap instead of the chair beside him and I looked away. I went to sit next to Mom who was unpacking the marshmallows.

“Hey baby, you want a s’more?” Mom popped open the back and held it out to me.

“Sure,” I took a marshmallow from the bag and picked up the coat hanger Dad had bent into the fire poker shape. I slid the marshmallow onto the end of the metal and walked over to the fire. Alice was leaned back into Nico’s arms and smiling. I looked back at the fire. I heard Dad still going on about bears and tuned him back out. I focused on the crackle of the fire and as I got closer to the fire I felt my face heat up. I didn’t stop until I got close to the flames, seeing just how long I could go until I had to turn my face away. The cool air soothed my skin but I turned right back to the flames to watch my marshmallow turn black.

--

We got up well before daylight and headed out on Highway 180 to the Grand Canyon. None of us really slept much anyway. The fire went out in the early hours of the morning and it was too cold to sleep. We had been on the road for a good ninety miles when the sun just started coming up over the red rocks. The air was still bitter cold. The van didn’t offer much warmth; it was just a cold tin breadbox right then. The poor heater could only do so much. I looked over at Alice. Her nose was pink and her eyes were glued to the skyline. She was beautiful. I wiped my nose with a used tissue I found in my pocket. My nose was not the same pretty kind of pink; it was the “wow who rolled you out of your sleeping bag at the ass crack of dawn in thirty-degree weather?” kind of pink. Mom handed Dad a CD and he put it in the player.            “Alice, did Nico tell you who he and Lou were named after?” Dad said straining to turn around and talk to Alice. I wish he would just keep his eyes on the road. I knew exactly what they were about to play. Oh good lord, we’ve heard this a million times.

“C’mon Dad, we’ve all heard this before,” Nico echoed my thoughts.

“Hey now, you guys were named after musical geniuses Lou Reed and Warhol superstar Nico, that’s not something to be ashamed of!” Dad interjected and we all let him have his Moment. He and Mom held hands. The song Sunday Morning filled the car, and I hate to admit it, but it completely changed the air in the car.

Sunday mornin’, praise the dawnin’, It’s just a restless feelin’, by my side, Early dawnin’, Sunday mornin’, It’s just the wasted years so close behind. Watch out, the world’s behind you.

We all hummed along and sat taking in the sunrise against the backdrop of the red rock. We were the only car on the road. We sat at Communion, drinking in the colors and feeling peaceful solitude in each other’s company. Nico and Alice cuddled up in the seat next to me and I leaned up against the window looking out. Lou Reed played and it was enough.

--

           Once we reached the Grand Canyon we crawled out of the van and stretched. My joints were popping and my legs got all tingly. The hundred and ten-mile drive from Cave Springs to here felt relatively short compared to the drive to Sedona. It felt like we made record timing.            “Alright!” Dad shouted, “let’s do this!”

None of us got any sleep, we were all too hyped up on adrenaline to be tired. Mom bent down and retied her shoelace and Nico threw his backpack on. I zipped my jacket up and looked at Alice. She was ready to go, gracefully standing there watching us in her ponytail and red scarf.

           “C’mon, let’s go check out this trail, I heard it was easy,” Alice pulled on my arm and I looked down at her hand as I let her take me, “we’ll let the mountaineers try the hiking trail.” She winked at me. I didn’t know what she meant by that but I was going with it.            “We’ll meet back here in time for lunch? Say 1:00?” Mom checked her watch.

We set off in the opposite direction and I wondered what in the world I was getting myself into. Two hours alone with Alice would break me. Oh god what if she brings up what happened in the van? It was quiet while we stepped onto the dirt trail. Alice was taking in the sights and I was watching Alice, wondering what was going on in my head.

           “Sorry I just kind of pulled you away from them,” Alice said.            “No, it’s okay. I’m kind of sick of them anyway,” I joked.

Alice giggled and took a picture of a twisted Juniper tree we passed. “He’s probably telling them right now. God, I’m so nervous. I feel like I should be there with him but he said he’d rather tell them himself.”            “Huh?”            “About our engagement,” Alice said totally oblivious to the mixed feelings I had.

           “Oh.” I kicked the dirt and watched it swirl at my feet. We walked passed a large cactus plant and my eyes lingered on the long spikes. I remembered learning about them in school and how they had spines to keep animals from eating them.            “So, Lou, do you have any hobbies?”

I thought about the sports I didn’t play and the paintings I left half-finished in the back of my closet. “I uh, play guitar a bit.”

I rubbed the rough calluses on my fingers and wondered what her favorite song was. Nico and I used to pretend we were in a band when we were younger. He always made me sing because he said that I had the “it factor,” but it was really because he didn’t want me touching his guitar.            “That’s so cool! Did Nico teach you?”            “No actually, I taught myself. Nico was already going off to college when I started to play. I’m really not that good.”            “I bet you are,” Alice said.

I appreciated her trying. Nico could do a lot worse than Alice and I guess if I’m stuck with someone joining the family for the rest of my life, Alice would be a pretty good deal. At least she seemed to like me. Nico’s last girlfriend never said two words to me, just weird half-smiles when she came over. Alice seemed to be trying. ��          “Do you have a boyfriend?” Oh no, this was starting to feel like Thanksgiving at Aunt Kathy’s house.            “Oh no, definitely not,” I replied.

“I’m sure you’re find a great guy. You’re a catch!” Alice smiled her toothy smile at me and it made me wish I had that same confidence.

I didn’t know what to say to that so I just kept walking. We followed the trail for a while and stopped at every strange tree and weirdly shaped cactus along the way. Alice wanted a picture of us at each. I smiled wider at each one. She kept making silly faces and poking me right before she hit the button. Somewhere along the way we stopped and she lent me a Band-Aid for my blister.

I slowed way down as we reached the edge of the canyon. Alice was actually in the middle of telling me about wedding plans when she stopped mid-sentence and we both just dropped our bags and looked out over the canyon. This was much more than I ever thought it would be. The sky was clear blue and the sun shone down on the layers of rock. Miles of air stretched out before us and I felt my heart drop at the immediate realization of how far down the bottom was. I had never felt smaller and I had never felt bigger.