#i gotta draw julia more often i love her

[trebuchet151]

Old school netflix and chill with sidestep era Corey and Julia

[barry-j-blupjeans]

24 and magnulia

24. meriggiare - to rest at noon, more likely in a shady spot outdoors

--

Raven's Roosts' summers were warm. There was something between the arid climate that came after cozy, wet springs, and the consistent wind that came from the east that set the town into a haze. Summers stretched long and wide but barely did Magnus feel like he was getting overheated or that it was too much to handle. He used the excuse to work with his shirt off, anyway. Julia could complain all she wanted about the unnecessariness of it all, but she had to be less subtle with checking him out if she wanted her words to have an impact.

Plus, Magnus was pretty confident that his bare tummy made for a good pillow. Julia certainly thought so, based on the way she was resting against him, both of them shadowed under the big oak tree across from Hammer and Tongs.

Summer was one of their busiest seasons, but Steven took mercy on them more often than not. They were supposed to be filling and filing orders today, but Steven had proclaimed something about "not wasting their youth indoors" and promptly kicked them out so he could file things himself. Magnus half suspected this was because it was really hard for them to focus on anything besides each other lately.

And could anyone blame them? He had no clue how he had been able to focus on anything but Julia before he had gotten married to her. Now, he was just hopeless.

Julia stirred slightly, blinking up at him. Magnus tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear so it wouldn't block his view of her eyes. He loved her eyes. He loved her.

"Heya," she said, reaching up a hand towards him. He pressed his cheek into the palm of her hands, smiling. Julia smiled, too. "Did I fall asleep on you?"

"For the third time in two weeks," Magnus said. "I'm keeping track."

"You're just so comfy," Julia whined, pinching his cheek. Magnus laughed, batting her hands away, but she persisted. This time, she reached up with both of them and squished his cheeks together. She said, "you're my favorite pillow."

"I'm probably making your other pillows jealous," Magnus said. "Don't even ask about the bed."

"Goofus," Julia said. She moved her hands down to reach his shoulders and used that to pull herself up. Magnus wrapped his arms around her back to support her, drawing her to his chest instead of letting her pull away again. She laughed.

"You smell like lavender," she said with a deep breath in. "It makes me sleepy."

"It wouldn't be a rocking chair if it didn't smell like lavender," Magnus said. She stared at him with narrowed eyes, as if trying to decide if he was joking or not- he really wasn't, rocking chairs just weren't the same without the smell. After a second, she split into a smile again and leaned forward to kiss him.

"You're ruining my sleep schedule, baby," Julia said against his lips.

"I'm not the one falling asleep at noon," Magnus said, trying to ignore the giddiness at the nickname. Before Julia, no one had ever called him baby before. Not in a sincere way. But Julia always adorned him with little names like that, like sweetheart, and darling. He loved her.

Julia drew back again and rested her head against his shoulder instead. She shook her head.

"I'm blaming you," she said. "Good night."

"We gotta get back to work soon," Magnus reminded, laughing a little under his breath.

"Good night," Julia repeated.

[marine-indie-gal]

I know I'm not really supposed to draw to what's often more of an original fan-made series from a fan (especially on this website or any other social media) but I couldn't really help but fall in love with @shinobi-illuminator's Disney Fan Series Project, "Disney Villain Spawn". I have the permission of course, to use her characters to draw as well as crediting them for her but believe it or not, @shinobi-illuminator​  was the real reason I binged watched a lot of Disney Movies from my childhood on Disney+. If it weren't for her Spawn series, I would have never gotten into the Disney Villains Fandom. Anyhow, so since it's Pride Month, I figure that now maybe would be a perfect time to finish a drawing for her as a gift for her Spawn series. Here are Leon and Salvador (@shinobi-illuminator​ 's Disney OCs), they are the sons of one of the Two Disney Princesses (Cinderella and Tiana). Leon is Cinderella and Charming's Son while Salvador is Tiana and Naveen's Son. Somehow, according to @shinobi-illuminator​ , they kinda have feelings for each other but LeonXRose and SalvadorXAmira is a way more of a Win-Win Scenario for the Boys' Own Straight Ships (Julia confirmed that Leon is Homoflexible and that Salvador is Biromantic). So far, for what I have planed for my new friend I wanted to post this for her. I know that she ships Leon with Rose Red and Salvador with Amira but Leon and Salvador are actually like Exes so remember they just sometimes have feelings for each other. Anyways, so in this drawing you can see for her "Spawn" series, Salvador gives Leon his Dapper Jacket just to warm Leon because it's cold outside and the two boys are somehow outside in the night. Why are they outside in the night you may ask? Let's just say they're heading home from a Boy's Night Out Party from their Friends and the Party actually takes place either in a Swamp Forest or any of their Friends' Homes (hence, the drawing if you can tell by this). As much I love LeonXRose and SalvadorXAmira, LeonXSalvador on the other hand is one of the Spawn Pairings that I sweetly enjoy the most. Despite that Leon now ends up with Rose, I'd like to think that these two sons of the Disney Princesses have good chemistry together 💙💚 (I like to think of them as the ElioXOliver from "Call Me By Your Name" of the Heirs) Gotta love how @shinobi-illuminator​  (Julia) made these two boys of hers somehow secret lovers/exes that shows the reflection of their own Mothers who are very similar towards each other since both Cinderella and Tiana have great big dreams and even maids who marries a Royal Prince like Charming and Naveen and became their Princesses. It makes perfect sense if you don't think about it. BTW, for this ship name that I gave for them, I could like to call them "Lealvador" depends on what Julia would like to prefer to call for her own ship names for her Spawn and Heir Ships. But maybe "Frog Slipper" or "MouseFrog" could also work for Leon and Salvador too besides than my own ship name suggestion for them. Leon and Salvador (c)  @shinobi-illuminator​ Cinderella and The Princess and The Frog (c) Disney

[inactive02939]

Hi!! I'm here for a BNHA matchup if you're still taking it! Thank you! ☀️

I have a short, bulky, brown hair and brown eyes, and 164 cm height. I'm latina, but my skin is white. I have a lot of moles on my face, but the biggest is the one right up my lip.

I am an adventurous person and I love to talk! I'm very charismatic and funny (i guess so-), very passionate and emotional. I become happy and cheerful easily! But I'm also very sensitive, I feel angry very often too. I’m geeky and playful, but very jealous, selfish and stubborn sometimes, just like a kid. I seem very boyish, a little clumsy, I bump into walls and trip very often. I accidentaly hurt myself a lot. My ideas seem a little chaotic, and I NEED to write them immeadiatly to remember it. I'm very impatient. I bite my nails since I was a kid. I consider myself to be very optimistic, resolute and determined. When something went wrong for me, I gotta search for a solution! But, when I don’t want to change or do a thing, I normally will not do it for other people. I'm bad at hearing advices, I just do the same thing I wanted to in the start.

My main hobbie is drawing. I draw on the walls of my room, in my hands/arms and at class all the time. All my notebooks are full of drawings. It’s rare to find notes from school subjects on them actually. I also love to travel! I also love movies and music so it's not hard to see me speaking random dialogue from movies or singing sometimes.

My favorite color is red, everyone that knows me knows that (kokkino means red in greek btw!!).

Well, my style is very simple. Comfortable and fresh clothes that match minimally? It's kinda boyish too. I like to wear red and white! About shoes, where I live is very hot, so I'm almost always on my red flip flops. But! When I need to be more formal, I wear green boots.

I'm a pansexual cis girl! I go by she/her, and you can call me Julia! I don't have a preferred gender!

you've been matched with sero hanta!!

he's into funny people. that's what caught his attention at first.

he thinks your impatience is adorable, and even during training a few times he folded a piece of tape for you to write down an idea on.

sometimes he writes 寛げる on his hand when he's nervous in class (that is relax in japanese)

he lives for adventure

WILL SPEND HOURS TELLING YOU HOW CUTE YOUR MOLES ARE.

if you accuse him of cheating he'd just hand you his phone and go "have fun finding evidence that's totally there' with his voice dripping with sarcasm

"cellophane! hurry your ass up!" mina yelled into her microphone, her fake lashes angrily fluttering.

"i'm coming, i'm coming," he groaned back into the mic. you giggled from the stupidity of the argument. you see him to some moves resembling spiderman, and you stare at him in awe.

"let's go save some dying old people!" you pump your fists with some uncalled for enthusiasm that made kaminari snort into his sleeves while he wiped his bloody nose. all you had to do was save some fake civilians and you'd be done, and you'd probably pass the test.

you hear a few more laughs from your friends before you all start walking onward towards the site. you barely noticed sero's hand creeping towards yours.

it felt like forever before the exam was over. as you accompanied your friends back to the girls locker room before sero stopped you.

"hmm?" you gave him one of your signature what's-up faces and he backed up a bit.

"there's a trampoline park open, if you wanted to.. um.. push some little kids off of the trampolines or something with me-"

[dustedmagazine]

Music for Films, Vol. II: Chick Habit

For good and for ill, Quentin Tarantino’s movies have been strongly associated with postmodern pop culture — particularly by folks whose reactions to the word “postmodern” tend toward pursed lips and school-marmishly wagged fingers. There for a while, reading David Denby on Tarantino was similar to reading Michiko Kakutani on Thomas Pynchon: almost always the same review, the same complaints about characters lacking “psychological depth,” the same handwringing over an ostensible moral insipidness. Truth be told, Tarantino’s pranksome delight with flashy surfaces and stylistic flourishes that are ends in themselves gives tentative credence to some of the caviling. Critics have raised related concerns over the superficiality of Tarantino’s tendency toward stunt casting, especially his resurrections of aging actors relegated to the film industry’s commercial margins: John Travolta, Pam Grier, Robert Forster, David Carradine, Darryl Hannah, Don Johnson and so on. There might be a measure of cynicism in the accompanying cinematic nudging and winking, but it’s also the case that a number of the performances have been terrific.

The writer-director brings a similar sensibility to his sound-tracking choices, demonstrating the cooler-than-thou, deep-catalog knowledge of an obsessive crate-digger. Tarantino thematized that knowledge in his break-through feature, Reservoir Dogs (1992). Throughout the film, the characters tune in to Steven Wright deadpanning as the deejay of “K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies”; like the characters, the viewer transforms into a listener, treated to such fare as the George Baker Selection’s “Little Green Bag” (1970) and Harry Nilsson’s “Coconut” (1971). As with the above-mentioned actors, Tarantino has sifted pop culture’s castoffs and detritus, unearthing songs and delivering experiences of renewed value — and thereby proving the keenness of his instincts and aesthetic wit. “Listen to (or look at) this!” he seems to say, with his cockeyed, faux-incredulous grin. “Can you believe you were just going to throw this out?” And mostly, it works. If the Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a Feeling” (1974) has become a sort of semi-ironized accompaniment to hipsterish good times, that resonance has a lot more to do with Tim Roth, Harvey Keitel and Co. cruising L.A. in a hulking American sedan than with the Disney Co.’s Guardians of the Galaxy (2014).

In Death Proof (2007), Tarantino’s seventh film and unaccountably his least favorite, soundtrack and screen are both full to bursting with the flotsam and jetsam of “entertainment” conceived as an industry. 

In just the opening minutes, we see outmoded moviehouse announcements, complete with cigarette-burn cue dots; big posters of Brigitte Bardot from Les Bijoutiers du claire de lune (1958) and of Ralph Nelson’s Soldier Blue (1970) bedecking the apartment of Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier); the tee shirt worn by Shanna (Jordan Ladd), which bears the image of Tura Satana; and strutting under all of it are the brassy cadences of Jack Nitzsche’s “The Last Race,” taken from his soundtrack for the teensploitation flick Village of the Giants (1965). Bibs and bobs, bits and pieces of low- and middle-brow cinema are cut up and reconstructed into a fulsome swirl of signs. And there’s an unpleasant edge to it; the cuts are echoed by the action of the camera, which has been busily cleaving the bodies of the women on screen into fragments and parts. First the feet of Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito), propped up on a dashboard; then Julia, all ass and gams; then Arlene’s lower half again, chopped into slices by the stairs she dashes up (“I gotta take the world’s biggest fucking piss!”) and by the close-up that settles on her belly and pelvis, her hand shoved awkwardly into her crotch. 

As often happens in Tarantino’s movies, furiously busy meta-discursive play collapses the images’ problematic content under multiple levels of reference and pastiche. The film is one half of Grindhouse (2007), Tarantino’s collaboration with his buddy Robert Rodriguez, an old-fashioned double-feature comprising the men’s love letters to the exploitation cinema of the 1960s and 1970s. In those thousands of movies — mondo, beach-cutie, nudie-cutie, women in prison, early slasher, rape-revenge, biker gang, chop-socky, Spaghetti Western and muscle-car-worship flicks (and we could add more subgenres to the list) — symbolic violence inflicted on women’s bodies was de rigueur, and frequently the principal draw. Tarantino shot Death Proof himself, so he is (more than usually) directly responsible for all the framing and focusing — and he’s far too canny a filmmaker not to know precisely what he’s doing with and to those bodies. The excessive, camera-mediated gashing and trimming is a knowing, perhaps deprecating nod to all that previous, gratuitous T&A. His sound-tracking choice of “The Last Race” metaphorically underscores the point: in Bert I. Gordon’s Village of the Giants, bikini-clad teens find and consume an experimental growth serum, which causes them to expand to massive proportions. Really big boobs, actual acres of ass. Get it?

Of course, all the implied japing and judging is deeply embedded in the film’s matrix of esoteric references and fleeting allusions. You’d have to be very well versed in the history of exploitation cinema to pick up on the indirect homage to Gordon’s goofy movie. But as in Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino doesn’t just gesture, he dramatizes, folding an authoritative geekdom into the action of Death Proof. In the set-up to Death Proof’s notorious car crash scene, Julia is on the phone, instructing one of her fellow deejays to play “Hold Tight!” (1966) by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich. Don’t recognize the names? “For your information,” Julia snorts, Pete Townsend briefly considered abandoning the Who, and he thought about joining the now-obscure beat band, to make it “Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich & Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.”

It’s among the most gruesomely violent sequences in Tarantino’s films (which do not run short on graphic bloodshed), and Julia receives its most spectacular punishment. Those legs and that rump, upon which the camera has lavished so much attention, are torn apart. Her right leg flips, flies and slaps the pavement, a hunk of suddenly flaccid meat. Again, Tarantino proves himself an adept arranger of image, sign and significance. Want to accuse him of fetishizing Julia’s legs? He’ll materialize the move, reducing the limb to a manipulable fragment, and he’ll invest the moment with all of the intrinsic violence of the fetish. He’ll even do you one better — he’ll make that violence visible. Want to watch? You better buckle up and hold tight. 

Hold on a second. “Hold Tight”? The soundtrack has passed over from intertextual in-joke to cruel punchline. It doesn’t help that the song is so much fun, and that it’s fun watching the girls groove along to it, just before Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) obliterates them, again and again and again. The awful insistence of the repetition is another set-up, establishing the film’s narrative logic: the repeated pattern and libidinal charge-and-release of Stuntman Mike’s vehicular predations. It is, indeed, “a sex thing,” as Sheriff Earl McGraw (Michael Parks) informs us in his cartoonish, redneck lawman’s drawl. Soon the sexually charged repetitions pile up: see Abernathy’s (Rosario Dawson) feet hanging out of Kim’s (Tracie Thom) 1972 Mustang, in a visual echo of Arlene’s, and of Julia’s. Then listen to Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) belt out some of Smith’s cover of “Baby It’s You” (1969), which we most recently heard 44 minutes before, as Julia danced ecstatically by the Texas Chili Bar’s jukebox. Then watch Abernathy as she sees Stuntman Mike’s tricked-out ’71 Nova, a vibrating hunk of metallic machismo — just like Arlene saw it, idling menacingly back in Austin, with another snatch of “Baby It’s You” wisping through that moment’s portent. 

For a certain kind of viewer, the Nova’s low-slung, growling charms are hard to resist, as is the sleazy snarl of Willy DeVille’s “It’s So Easy” (1980; and we might note that Jack Nitzsche produced a couple of Mink DeVille’s early records, connecting another couple strands in the web) on the Nova’s car stereo. Those prospective pleasures raise the question of just who the film is for. That may seem obvious: the same folks — dudes, mostly — who find pleasure in exploitation movies like Vanishing Point (1971), Satan’s Sadists (1969) or The Big Doll House (1971). But there are a few other things to account for, like how Death Proof repeatedly passes the Bechdel Test, and how long those scenes of conversation among women go on, and on. Most notable is the eight-minute diner scene, a single take featuring Abernathy, Kim, Lee and Zoë (Zoë Bell, doing a cinematic rendition of her fabulous self, an instance of stunt casting that literalizes the “stunt” part). Among other things, the women discuss their careers in film, the merits of gun ownership and Kim and Zoë’s love of (you guessed it) car chase movies like Vanishing Point. One could read that as a liberatory move, a suggestion that cinema of all kinds is open to all comers. All that’s required is a willingness to watch. But watching the diner scene becomes increasing claustrophobic. The camera circles the women’s table incessantly, and on the periphery of the shot, sitting at the diner’s counter, is Stuntman Mike. The circling becomes predatory, the threat seems pervasive. 

If you’ve seen the film, you know how that plays out: Zoë and Kim play “ship’s mast” on a white 1970 Dodge Challenger (the Vanishing Point car); Stuntman Mike shows up and terrorizes them mercilessly; but then Abernathy, Zoë and Kim chase him down and beat the living shit out of him, likely fatally. In another sharply conceived cinematic maneuver, Tarantino executes a climactic sequence that inverts the diner scene: the women surround Stuntman Mike, abject and pleading, and punch and kick him as he bounces from one of them to another. The camera zips from vantage to vantage within the circle, deliriously tracking the action. All the jump cuts intensify the violence, and they provide another contrast to the diner’s scene’s silky, unbroken shot. The sounds and the impact of the blows verge on slapstick, and our identification with the women makes it a giddily gross good time.

So, an inversion seeks to undo repetition. Certainly, Stuntman Mike’s intent to repeat the car-crash-kill-thrill is undone, and predator becomes prey. But, as is inevitable with Tarantino’s cinema, there are complications, other echoes and patterns to suss out. For instance: as the women stride toward the wrecked Nova, while Stuntman Mike pathetically wails, the camera zooms in on their asses. Bad asses? Nice asses? What’s the right nomenclature? To make sure we can put the shot together with Julia’s first appearance in the film, Abernathy has hiked up her skirt, revealing a lot of leg. Repetition reasserts itself. In an exacerbating circumstance, Harvey Weinstein’s grubby fingerprints are smeared onto the film. Rodriguez’s Troublemaker Studios is credited with production of Grindhouse, but Dimension Films, a Weinstein Brothers company, handled distribution.  

When the film cuts to its end titles, we hear April March’s “Chick Habit” (1995), with its spot-on lyric: “Hang up the chick habit / Hang it up, daddy / Or you’ll never get another fix.” And so on. Even here, where the girl-power vibe feels strongest (cue Abernathy burying a bootheel in Stuntman Mike’s face), there are echoes, patterns. Note how the striding bassline of “Chick Habit” strongly recalls the pulse beating through Nitzsche’s “The Last Race.” Note that March’s song is a cover, of “Laisse tomber les filles,” originally recorded by yé-yé girl France Gall. The song was penned by Serge Gainsbourg, pop provocateur and notorious womanizer. The two collaborated again, releasing “Les Sucettes,” a tune about a teeny-bopper who really likes sucking on lollipops, when Gall was barely 18; the accompanying scandal nearly torpedoed her career. Gall refused to ever sing another song by Gainsbourg, and disavowed her hits.  

Again, that’s all deeply embedded, somewhere in the film’s complicated play of pop irony and double-entendre and the sudden explosions of delight and disgust that intermittently reveal and conceal. Again, you’d have to know your pop history really well to catch up with the complications, and Death Proof moves so fast that there’s always another reference or allusion demanding your attention as the cars growl and the blood spurts. Too many signs to track, too many signals to decipher — that’s the postmodern. But perhaps we have become too glib, assuming that all signs are somehow equivalent. Death Proof insists otherwise. Much has been made of the film’s strange relation to digital filmmaking, of the sort that Rodriguez has made a career out of. Part of Grindhouse’s shtick is its goofball applications of CGI, all the scratches and skips and flaws that the filmmakers lovingly applied. They are digital effects, masquerading as damaged celluloid. Tarantino cut back against that grain, filming as much of the car chase’s maniacal stuntwork in meatspace as he safely could. Purposeful practical filmmaking, for a digitally enhanced cinematic experience, attempting to mimic the ways real film interacts with the physical environment and its manifold histories. Is that clever, or just more cultural clutter?  

Amid all the clutter that crowds the characters onscreen, and their conversations in the film’s field of sound, it can be easy to lose track of the distinctions between appearances and the traces of the real bodies that worked to bring Death Proof to life. Which is why Tarantino’s inclusion of Bell is so crucial. She provides another inversion: Instead of masking her individual presence, doing stunts for other actresses in their clothes and hair (for Lucy Lawless in Xena: Warrior Princess, or for Uma Thurman in Tarantino’s Kill Bill films), Bell is herself, doing what she does best, projecting the technical elements of filmmaking — usually meant to bleed seamlessly into illusion — right onto the surface of the screen. And instead of allowing one group of girls to slip into a repeated pattern, bodies easily exchanged for other bodies, Bell’s presence and its implicit insistence on her particularity (who else can move like she does?) breaks up the superficial logic of cinema’s market for the feminine. She disrupts its chick habit. There’s only one woman like her. 

Jonathan Shaw

[dumdeeedum]

“The Magicians” Alice/Quentin/Eliot Love Triangle? Que? No, let’s stop the fuck right there...

I’m so frustrated with how bad Wednesday night’s episode of “The Magicians” was and with how bad this entire season has been, especially with how poorly they’ve handled anything to do with Alice, Quentin, and Eliot. I mean, generally I’m frustrated with how bad this show can be way too often but I’m going to try to keep my thoughts as organized as I can.

I want to preface all of this by saying that no, I don’t believe they’re still pursuing Eliot and Quentin because they’ve still given me no reason to. I just wanted to express my thoughts on these rumors of a love triangle and who knows, they might go that way, I don’t work there. I just know that for now they’ve set things up in a really poor way and I don’t see a true Eliot and Quentin outcome happening for a while if at all.

First I gotta reiterate this in case it isn’t clear: this is not a well-written show for me, it’s a fun show, to be sure, but not a well-written one. They have too few episodes to get away with the amount of dicking around they do and it’s clear they have no direction even when they have source material to draw from, and that’s a bad combination and a big problem. And those are just some of its issues.

A show like “Black Sails,��� for example, had about 8 episodes per season and made good use of every minute of them because that’s how you tell the story you want to tell when you have limited time and can’t fuck around with filler. Very similar situation with the show “Spartacus” with a similar number of episodes per season to “The Magicians” and they wrapped it up in 4 seasons. But I tend to think 4-5 seasons is the limit before a show loses focus and goes downhill anyway. 

It has also become clear to me that Sera Gamble has no interest in doing anything progressive. She wants to be one of the boys, play the game and get ahead which is her prerogative but at this point people have to come to terms with the fact that she’s always been a White Feminist(tm) and quit fucking around like she gives a shit about equity for marginalized communities or even visibility. All of the bullshit to do with Sera Gamble has been known for years now, too, so I’m not even sure why anyone would be surprised that she sucks at this point. I’m sure she’s sitting somewhere right now unable to understand where she fucked up and why because she doesn’t have it in her to accept criticism and it shows. Last I heard she’s still going after people on twitter for not liking the outcomes of her dumbass decisions as a show-runner; bitch, grow up!

You know what would be truly radical in this series? Stop having these women live for these men. Julia is off losing her autonomy to a man, again, Kady is about ready to allow herself to die because she misses her boyfriend, Margo is ditching the plan to save her best friend over some super mediocre, joke of a man she can do better than without even trying, and Alice is once again in Quentin’s orbit and having nothing to do for herself. Yay, feminism? You’re fucking kidding me, right? 

And now I’m hearing people saying that they’re trying to set up a love triangle in season 5 between Eliot, Quentin, and Alice and I think the idea of this disgusts me more than if they’d just drop Eliot and Quentin as a pairing altogether after the massive fuckup that was the latter part of this season. How obtuse do you have to be to think a bisexual love triangle would be appropriate queer representation given our social climate? But here’s the thing, they’re playing on your intelligence if they do this, again, and I’m about to explain why.

Yes, it’s going to get lengthy because I’m going to be discussing the show from a social but also from a narrative standpoint, but you know me by now.

Don’t get it twisted, what they would ultimately be doing if they went this route is giving us even more straight representation while under the guise of bisexual representation given that Alice and Quentin are now back together, as a straight couple whether you think Quentin is bisexual or not. And that’s what matters when it comes to queer visibility. We’ve gotten straight Quentin pairings now from seasons 1-4 and they’ve yet to have Quentin explore any same-sex romantic partnerships or even fantasies other than the nonsense with Eliot because those were blink and you miss them moments. 

And here’s the insidiousness of all of this and I really want people to think about this: They would use this as an excuse to still appear as though they were doing right by their queer audience while once again only really exploring one facet of Quentin’s supposed bisexuality, the more palatable one, while ignoring the other, more taboo one and calling it bisexual representation. That is not good bisexual representation, at all, how can it be?

And god forbid you raise a stink over these poor attempts at representation because then you get accused of hating and bi-phobia and of erasing Quentin’s bisexuality and blah blah blah. And, really, bisexual, where? Where are we going to get this exploration of Quentin’s sexuality while he’s dating Alice again and Eliot is somewhere in the sidelines dealing with the aftermath of being possessed by a being who murdered people using his body? 

Can we stop with the intellectual dishonesty? Can we stop accepting these insults to the intelligence of the lgbtqa community? 

And no, don’t even pretend the idea of a poly-amorous relationship wouldn’t be a fucking absurdity given their history. Quentin and Alice broke up because Quentin fucked Eliot and Margo. One of the people involved in that betrayal would be one of the last people Alice would want to share her boyfriend with. And that’s if she would even be OK with a poly-amorous relationship to begin with because the idea seemed to disturb her when her parents were doing it and frankly, not everyone is poly-amorous, in fact, most people aren’t. 

Unfortunately, that’s just part of living in a heteronormative society where people, as a whole, just aren’t evolved enough yet to have explored other types of relationship dynamics because of the restrictions society has placed on them and it is what it is. The polyamory argument doesn’t even belong in the same space as the bisexuality argument because it makes bisexuality seem like a life choice as opposed to something people are born as. I’d say it’s less realistic, right now, to have everyone OK with sharing their significant others with everyone than to have a person identify as bisexual! Most people don’t have the self-confidence or the conditions to improve their self-esteem enough to even explore poly yet, and some people just aren’t into it and that’s their right, but I digress.

It just seems like everything that should have been happening in this season would instead be happening next season if they went this route and the only difference would be that they’d have made it palatable for their straight, homophobic audience by having Alice on Quentin’s dick the majority of the time they should be using to explore Quentin’s sexuality. When would they have time to give Quentin the important moments of introspection he needs to figure out whom and what he wants? Even his getting back together with Alice was very abrupt and didn’t seem like a well thought out decision on either Quentin’s or Alice’s part. Why couldn’t they just be single for a while if they were going to waste season 4 and work on this in season 5??

But this is just what they do by now because they can’t write a good romance. Straight shit gets put on the fast track in an absurdly unrealistic way, everyone’s in love in 5 minutes, smart, beautiful, boss bitch women date mediocre men when we’d never see it the other way around, and anything queer gets a couple of seconds of screen-time at best before someone is killed off, or they add a woman to the mix for no good reason, or we have to do a 50 year montage with no actual romantic intimacy to establish tha they’re even romantically interested in one another, blah blah, woof, woof.

Here’s a good question for those of you bi-Quentin-stans: None of you think it odd that while these creators kept alluding to exploring a canon male/male pairing with a bisexual character Alice and Julia, two women whom have exclusively dated men, have still had, to date, a longer, more sexually charged make out scene than gay Eliot and a supposedly bisexual Quentin ever have? Not to mention that the only time we explore Quentin’s sexuality in fantasy it’s some super fucking trite women making out for his pleasure fantasy.

No one thinks about why that is? No one thinks that perhaps it’s because depicting lesbian situations for the male gaze is a super common thing to do in media and is another one of those things that allows creators to pretend they have queer representation when really they’re trying to draw male views by exploiting the women of their series? It seemed pretty obvious to me as soon as I saw it but I haven’t fucked around with critiques of this shit in a long time and I don’t let this shit slide.

So now if they went the love triangle route in season 5 how would that work?

We’ve gotten a story line where not only was Eliot right that Quentin wouldn’t choose him when Quentin has the choice, but Eliot is going to have to come back and see this shit and deal with it on top of whatever massive trauma being possessed like this would inevitably cause. Do we really see Eliot saying anything to Quentin after that knowing what we know about Eliot’s way of handling shit? 4.5 leaves us thinking that maybe Eliot now sees that perhaps he shouldn’t have been so quick to reject Quentin and that perhaps Quentin would have chosen him and that Eliot wasn’t right to suggest he wouldn’t and yet here we are. And knowing what we know about Eliot would he try to get between that?

I actually think they’d done a good job closing the chapter on Alice and Quentin when Quentin told Alice he didn’t love her anymore and closed the book and I think they could have explored a really good friendship between them after that! That should have been when Alice and Kady did their own library thing and became more fully-fleshed out characters in their own right and when Quentin started exploring his own options and realizing he would choose Eliot even if at the time he thought Eliot wouldn’t choose him. Because this is something he should have been thinking about anyway!

There seems to be a pretty big issue that no one is considering about 4.5 and it’s a result of this ret-con having been handled so poorly so they couldn’t do what really needed to be done with the aftermath of it. The rejection conversation was really fucking poorly done because it was such a short, almost throwaway scene! We have Quentin get his memories back and immediately jump to wanting to be with Eliot and Eliot rejects him, for very good reason, in my opinion. Quentin seems a little bummed about it and then the scene ends. But from what we know about episodes 3.5 and on, Quentin hasn’t given it another thought. It didn’t even come up when he talked up Fillory to the plant so I really reject the premise that it was so traumatic for him to be rejected by Eliot that he didn’t even want to talk about anything to do with Fillory. Unless he’s even more immature than I thought it seems really unlikely that being rejected would eliminate all the other good shit in Quentin’s mind that relates to that lifetime, like, I don’t know, his fucking wife, his son, his grandchildren!? Miss me with that and stop excusing the shit decisions they make for Quentin in this show.

Was the idea here that they continue to go this route where everyone is expected to consider Quentin's feelings but he isn’t expected to consider theirs? Quentin has a habit of being inconsiderate dating back to season 1 (For Julia, his best friend, not getting into Brakebills was her punishment because she wouldn’t fuck him, Alice shouldn’t be upset that he cheated on her and Quentin doesn’t have to respect it when she tells him to back off, etc.) and the reasoning is always that Quentin’s got a low self-esteem and depressive issues but that’s not good enough now with 50 years of life experience under his belt. It’s especially not good enough when it comes to a man whom he’s known an entire lifetime through good and bad. So why didn’t they have him even consider what Eliot said to him and the validity of it?

Eliot explicitly says to Quentin that he knows Quentin so he knows how this would turn out, and Eliot was right! But somehow when Eliot rejects Quentin it isn’t incumbent upon Quentin to consider why Eliot would do that even though Quentin knows his own dating history and that he’d had a wife in Fillory? We’re just supposed to accept that Quentin just took the rejection at face value without even really listening to the wording or thinking about where Eliot might be coming from? Neither his nor Eliot’s problems or desires in the real world have suddenly disappeared just because they got their memories of Fillory back and Quentin knows that. Eliot made that point when he rejected Quentin, in a way, so isn’t there more to consider here? It’s especially egregious for this to be Quentin’s take away when we remember that Eliot didn’t have a husband in Fillory so Eliot was always there for Quentin and Quentin’s son and even Quentin’s wife in ways Quentin couldn’t be there for Eliot. How could it be as simple as “in the real world, you don’t do it for me” by Quentin? That’s just dumb.

A better scene would have had Eliot qualify his rejection to a man he spent 50 fucking years in love with so that Quentin could consider Eliot’s feelings on the subject before jumping to conclusions or even making a decision about them. And Quentin could have taken a moment to discuss Eliot’s insecurities if he really wanted to be with him or even just understand them. But instead the takeaway is more “poor victim Quentin isn’t special.” That’s just bad writing!

And what about Eliot? What does he get in all of this if they went the triangle route? Would they then allow him to explore a non-toxic relationship of his own or would he be sitting by like a dog and watching this shitshow of a romance between Quentin and Alice for however long it takes before they give us a sprinkling of Queliot? And who will be there to support him when his best friend is off fucking around with that loser Josh and Quentin is back with the girl that Eliot was afraid Quentin would choose over him? This effectively leaves Eliot alone to handle shit the way he’s always handled it and that’s just bad for his character after all the development he’s had. 

What kind of queer representation is this going to be moving forward? We barely got Eliot this season, will he just sort of be there next season and have just as little to do as he had this season? He has nothing more to do in Fillory so where will they stick him now?

Narratively, everything that’s happened post 4.5 has really fucked the ability for an Eliot and Quentin pairing to work unless they double time it in season 5 and I don’t see how they can when Quentin is with Alice again. The show-runners have really gone out of their way to erase anything having to do with Eliot and Quentin as a couple to the point where it makes 3.5 and 4.5 seem like alternate universe versions of the show that don’t fit into the rest of the series. It’s clear to me at this point that they’re trying to move past the idea of Eliot and Quentin as a couple so even a triangle would seem really bizarre in light of that.

I’m not seeing it, I’m really not and as much as I know people want to hold out hope that Eliot and Quentin will happen I just feel like at this point the show would be trying to run out the clock without giving them anything substantial the same way they did this season. Everyone’s obviously free to do what they want with that but realistically I would hold out and not give them ratings until we see if they give us something that isn’t insulting bullshit.

[adventuresloane]

Lup, Raven Queen, Barry, Ango and totally Ren. ;) maybe sloane also! For the HC meme❤️

(for this meme)

Kat this is……SO many oh my lord. I’m gonna put most of theseunder a cut!!!  You’re a doll tho thanksfor all the asks.

Lup:

A) What I think realistically: I love the idea that,contrary to popular belief, she’s the younger twin! When they were kids, Taakowould always be the one who had to get her out of the trouble she got herselfinto. Taako’s always been a bit more pragmatic, but Lup just couldn’t standdisrespect towards her or her brother and would always address it. She stood upto people and probably bit off more than she could chew a number of times,meaning Taako had to help her out of a tight spot.

B) What is fucking hilarious to me: Lup at one point had apretty major crisis in her life because she loves to cook for people anddesperately wanted to show her affection for Barry by cooking for him, but.This man has lived off late-night hot pockets out of his laboratory microwavefor years. He doesn’t have a palette. One time she overheard him call ketchupspicy and she just kind of stared at the wall for five minutes. She spent manyan evening slaving over recipe books to try to find SOMETHING decent that thisuncultured man would actually enjoy.

C) What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict onfriends: She’s got…a number of lingering issues after her release from theumbrella. There’s a lot of talk about how she develops claustrophobia, andwhile I think that’s certainly true, I think another thing that leaves hershaken is the utter darkness inside the staff. Before she was able to get herpowers back to create fire, the darkness in there must have been absolute andchilling. Imagine how long she lay there entirely blind and unable to make outanything. I don’t think she can sleep with the lights off anymore. She alwaysat least leaves the hall light on outside the bedroom, but even that’s notenough much of the time, and she often plays with a little fireball in herhands until she can’t keep her eyes open anymore, so that she knows there’sstill light where she is.

D) What would never work with canon but the canon is shit soI believe it anyway: Griffin says that the Legato performance was the firsttime the rest of the IPRE crew realized that Barry and Lup were in love butcome the fuck on. These guys??? They’re so incredibly obvious and crazy foreach other. Even if they didn’t tell their family explicitly EVERYONE knew forYEARS.

Raven Queen

A) Every raven in Faerun is at her beck and call. The birdshave a bit of magic to them inherently and find it easy to slip from plane toplane. She’ll dispatch them to carry messages or keep an eye on things for herand report back. She VERY rarely comes to the mortal planes, but you can alwaystell when she’s on her way. Thousands of ravens circle together tightly in thesky, their iridescent wings shining, and from the almost blinding andotherworldly shimmer a portal forms through which she comes.

B) Has motherly instincts towards Kravitz but no concept ofwhat being a parent to a former mortal actually entails. At what age does onestop picking up mortal children? 35? Her idea of mother-son bonding is enactinga blood oath. She’s trying her best.

C) Kravitz became her “ward” of sorts when he begged andprayed to her for months on end to spare his sick mother and take his lifeinstead—he made a brave trade and she respected him for it, hence his positionas a reaper.

D) She grants Magnus a “limited” amount of extra time livinghappily with Julia in the afterlife but honestly do you think she’ll ever makethem stop living in that little cabin? Heck, do you really think she’s going tokeep their friends from leaving the sea of souls to visit them whenever???She’s willing to turn a blind eye to their little party for the rest ofeternity.

Barry

A) He is just……so visibly huggable tbh. You look at him andyou’re like, “That’s a man who’d be good to just hug for a little while. Chubbysoft belly. Just a teddy bear of a man.

B) The boy is a classic academic research scientist, whichis to say a damn mess. He’ll periodically crop his hair short but then won’tbother to get it cut again for months on end because he’s too busy, so it growsout all wild and looks a mess. He has one (1) mug he keeps on his desk and likenever washes because it’s always filled with coffee anyway. Shows up to work ina stained T-shirt because it’s not like anyone’s paying attention to him whenhe’s locked up in his lab all day anyway. Grody science man.

C) Next to Taako, he’s the one who takes the longest toforgive Lucretia, and I sort of think he never completely gets over what shedid. Unlike everyone else in the IPRE crew, he was deliberately isolated fromthe rest of his family AND HE WAS AWARE OF IT. That’s fucked up, and he learnedto hate Lucretia for awhile, and that’s not the kind of thing that can beerased as soon as Story & Song is over. He can barely look her in the eyefor awhile.

D) He does NOT have a mullet do not to my boy dirty likethis.

Angus

A) All this debate over Magnus or Taako or Lucretia orwhoever the fuck adopts Angus post-S&S? Screw that noise. It’s not like anyof the adult figures in his life AREN’T walking disasters as individuals—it’sonly together that they’re sort of capable of functioning. That’s why he haslike twenty parents and splits his time between like five different houses,inside each of which he has his own room and where he is welcome at all hoursof the day and night. That kid is living the dream.

B) Absolutely drops f-bombs on purpose knowing that it willscandalize the adults he talks to. This boy is a delight and has never doneanything wrong but he is NOT the innocent little one everyone thinks! Sneakyboy!

C) Gotta be honest, I don’t have the heart to actuallyimagine Angus having any suffering inflicted upon him, BUT I do like the ideaof Taako being lowkey terrified every time he goes off on his own/tries toconduct an investigation that has a chance of being dangerous. He tries not toshow it and definitely plays it cool when Angus comes back safe every time, buthe’s got so very few people he feels really connected to and he doesn’t want tolose one of them (again).

D) Controversial, but he remains a shrimpy nerdboy foreverand does not get to be buffer than Magnus sorry.

Ren

A) Hot take: she’s a soft butch. My evidence? I know a bunchof butches named Ren and also she just gives off those Lesbian Vibes. Butch Ren2k19.

B) She is…small. Just so short, even by the standards ofelves, which are on average smaller than humans. It might be partly because she’sa Drow, since I personally headcanon that they don’t grow quite as big, buteven then she’s just. A little creacher. She has to use a spoon to knock downthings from shelves that everyone else in the tavern can easily reach. Cassidyjokingly uses her head as an armrest.

C) Her family is definitely still around and definitely wereoutside of Refuge when the barrier was created around the town and they justhad no way whatsoever of contacting her. They aged while time didn’t touch her.

D) This is more in opposition to D&D lore than to theTAZ canon, but I personally don’t like to think that Ren ever faced anyprejudice for being a dark elf. The whole idea of the Drow being cursed and 99%of them being evil is, imo, very tired (not to mention racist), so I just don’twant that being a part of her story. I think maybe Underdark elves have a bitof a reputation in the surface realms for being kind of staid and dour, so inthat way Ren defies some conventions by being her bubbly self. But aside fromthat, she never had an issue with anyone thinking less of her or hating her forbeing a Drow.

And fuck it, I know I did Sloane already but I have gothbirb headcanons coming out of my ass so I’ll do her again.

A) Tbh I like to think that her alias is something she put alot of thought into and something she identifies really strongly with. Like,ravens are obviously just objectively cool and fit the goth aesthetic she’sgoing for, but also I think growing up in Goldcliff (which I picture as beingjust like the American Southwest) she had a lot of experience observing themand felt kind of a kinship with them (and probably fed them to get them tofollow her around tbh). In some folklore, ravens are considered shapeshifterson account of how the sun reflects off their wings and makes them look likethey’re changing shape. I think that by assuming the persona of the Raven, shebecomes something more than what she appears to be, and it’s a bit of escapismfor her. (Also, ravens are known to be family-oriented and mate for life sothat proves fitting later on…)

B) It kinda breaks my heart whenever people draw her (orhalf-elves in general) with shorter/smaller ears than full-blooded elves,because in my head hers are long and twitchy! She’s pretty good at hiding howshe feels and not giving away too much with her body language, so her ears don’tnecessarily move around a ton to express how she’s feeling, but they doinvoluntarily react to sound, e.g. perking up when she hears a sudden noise.Hurley finds this adorable and exploits it to no end—like snapping her fingersnext to one of Sloane’s ears and then the other to make them pique alternatelyuntil Sloane finally gets fed up.

C) This is kind of more of a headcanon for half-elves ingeneral, but I remember seeing a post awhile back that said something along thelines of “D&D cryptid: a half-elf with a good relationship with theirfamily.” It was funny, but it did get me thinking: what’s a good narrativejustification for this? One of the answers, I think, is that half-elves grow ata rate that must be completely bewildering for their elven parents. They reachmaturity at around 20, compared to a full-blooded elf becoming an adult ataround 100. There’s probably a lot of potential for friction there as elvenparents are unable to handle or understand their kids as they mature soquickly. Plus, most half-elves don’t outlive their elf parents, and knowing you’remore than likely going to bury your kid one day has got to be hard. I think allof this was sort of the situation for Sloane growing up, and it was the sourceof a lot of the isolation she felt as a child.

D) She has big biker energy and actually prefers motorcyclesto battlewagons and that’s the tea.

LAWD this was a lot. Hope you like them!!!

[unwrittenarticles]

Top 50 Songs of 2019

1.  Julia Jacklin - Head Alone

Lyricism, pace, snowballing, power, catchiness. Pure catchy and melodic, angelic, lovely, lusty.

2. Cate le Bon - Sad Nudes

Her voice, always, a thing of intelligent beauty. 

Interesting subject matter.  Reclaiming nudes?  Is it sad to take nudes? I feel like it’s empowering but not also.  I hate the thought of men requesting nudes.  My sister and her peers get this a lot and I don’t like it.  It confers power to the voyeur (often deeply unattractive comparatively!) 

But then it could be seen as empowering also, if it’s just for yourself taking it.   For centuries, people want to see themselves depicted in narrative and photo form - is this what makes us human?  Fascinating.  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

As a tenuous link between Cate’s track and Julia Jacklin, Julia also has a track named ‘Body’ which explores a past relationship.  It reflects on a relationship that ends.  These next lines are powerful:-

‘I’m not a good woman, when you’re around’  (Cat Power’s - Good Woman also explores this, what defines this?  Why do people make us feel like we need to perform the role of a ‘good woman’ - why do we feel bad, if we are angry or negative or depressed?  I think says a lot about the social construction of femininity being tied to ‘goodness’ I think it harms us sometimes, comparing ourselves to these ‘selfless’, good women that are also beautiful, hard-working, intellectual, but not too intellectual, and always sensitive to men’s needs over their own. 

Back to Julia’s perfect lyrics:-

That’s when the sound came in.  I could finally see.

I felt the changing of the seasons // All of my senses, rushing back to me.

Go your own way // Watch me turn my own head.

Eyes on the driver, hands in my lap, heading to the city to get my body back. 

I remembered early days // when you took my camera

Turned to me, 23, naked on your bed.  Looking straight at ya.

Do you still have that photograph? Would you use it to hurt me?  Well I guess it’s just my life and it’s just my body.  

I guess it’s just my life, and it’s just my body.

That feeling of intrusion, I can relate to massively. Sometimes you feel alienated by your own body and that it is “just a body”, and that you’re not really valued for anything but your body.  I think it’s more of a female experience. 

3.  Sharon van Etten - Seventeen

Strength, defiance, powerful, connectivity, ageing.  Ace lyricss, “I used to be 17, now you’re just like me”.  There is such beauty and wisdom in this song, “i see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you’ve grown”   “I used to be 17, I used to be 17.”  Love the way she signs “la la la” oh gorgeous simplicity but with this intelligence and edge.  “I know what you’re gonna be, I know that you're gonna be”   “Afraid you’ll be just like meeeeeeeeee”  (Och, sad/sweet/reflection, feeling old but with the responsibility and confidence that comes with it.  Sounds a wee bit like Patti Smith on the extended high notes on “meeeeeeeeee” so feisty.  How we are all basically that under confident, anxious 17 year old, even when we’ve grown and learnt all these life lessons.  

4.  Sault - Up All Night

Opening bongo drums and bass, slick and classy, draw you in. Such a catchy tune.  “no time for sleep”.  Such an exciting weekend song, makes you feel excited.  I like the kind of declarative “shut up you need to shut up” entwined with “don’t stop the beat again”  I can’t work out if the male vocals are referencing vulvas, if so, hell yes.  “And I will walk alone” Such feistiness and catchiness.  At around 2 minute 32, it picks up volume into some kind of psychedelic and calediscospic drop that just keeps building and I feel like I am in a 70s movie walking along the pavement, euphoric and bombastic.  Then drums again.  The drums, vocals and bass are the strength of this track.  

5.  Faye Webster - Room Temperature

Wonky, sassy, hubby, intelligent, sarcastic, bittersweet breakup sass.  

6.  Buzzy Lee - Sundown Queen

Purely for the most gorgeous, romantic voiced line of the year:-

“In the seventies, we’d be in love”.

7.   Ada Lea - The Party

Another brilliant female vocalist.  “Ditch the party, in your beat up truck.  You’re always leaving when the night starts”.

Fave line - And the moon was a strange shade of green, orange, was i wrong cause I couldn’t tell the difference at all?

At all, at all, at all.

Stood on the porch, watching you get away.

Second fave line:-

And the night, that night was a pure shade of honest, or something Was I wrong? 'Cause I couldn't tell the difference At all, at all, at all, at all

So it’s kind of like the moon and the night verses, are similar, in tone of voice or enunciation and I really really like this.  

8.  Grace Ives - Anything

Lovesong, post-modernity.  Like a future scape, electronic, tinny, flimsy but with a depth to the writing, also a boom boxy 90s feel. 

Rhyming.  

Electronic.  “Holding hands, silence sigh”  “I can’t think of any way to move, I look you in the eye”.  

“I’m right here, I wanna love you.  I wanna fight”.

“I would do anything, anything, anything to keep you in my life”. (Oh my life)

“That’s the way it’s got to be from now on”.

“I’m gonna talk, I’m trying harder, I’m sleeping less”.

“I would do anything, anything to keep everything above my chest”.

“Chest” it’s the way she says it.  Dark, light, sarcastic.  Kind of reminds me of Cher or someone with a deeper vocal range.  

“That’s the way it’s got to be from now on”.

“Oh that’s the way it’s got to be” (highness, lightness)

That is the way, it’s just the way it’s gotta be (guaranteed to get in your brain all day).

Also, a mention for her song Mirror which is brilliant.  It’s like a song we might have heard when we were 13, but so much better and sassier.  It has this 90s r+b feel, but is smart and weird, “I think I think about it too much right now, I didn’t know what I was about, I think I finally got it f- figured out”. 

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Money, move me along

Heart, in the air

Baby, I don’t care 

Also another mention for Butterfly

It’s so sexy and her high range is amazing.  

9.  Ztella - Samba

Do I like samba songs because I spent my late childhood/early adolescence in a dance hall in Bolton doing the samba with various girls from places in Bolton I didn’t know.  Yes, I am pre-disposed.  

But this song is fine.  It’s fit as.  Exuberant.  Classy.  Mid summer evenings.  Breezy holidays, sun sea air catching your neck, and making you want to dance.

10. Brijean - Show and Tell

Those hazy female Californian vocals I like so much like Mama Cass.  So slick and lovely, also a few 70s funk whistles and synths as the drop comes in.

11.  Babii - Seizure

12.  Jorge Albrecht - Only Gonna Break Your Heart

Those male/female vocals, laced, layered with back and forth woozy bass, similar to some other songs I like such as Marilyn by Them are Us Two and Soft as snow (but warm inside) by MBV.

13.  SASAMI - Pacify my Heart

Classy, sad, melancholic, fresh, zen, neutral, complexity.  

14.  Weyes Blood - Picture be Better

All the Joni vibes on this record.  Sad sad reflection on wanting to be redeemed and seen in a better light.  I love her voice, production, depth to the lyrics.  I like how her voice is in a lower key than most, lyrics flowing with such intricacy yet also stripped back and melodic.  

15.  Noname - Song 32

Sweet rhyming style, super feminine and confident flow, so slick tho, could be any male rapper.  “I am the Kennedy’s out for lunch” nice reference to history.  “Diddy money” oh yes, talking about this commercialisation of rap backed by big business (1 person monopoly).  Also, what I like about this track is that it reminds me of being younger and in the summer listening to pop and rap and r&b in the garden, only it’s a kickass female rapper who is smart and funny.

16.  Big Thief - Not

So fulfilling to listen to, belting it out and feeling angst.  

17.  Planet 1999 - Spell

Dream like 90s vibes, lush harmonies are so light and airy and then the bass and drums kick in.  So melodic, I feel like I am feminist Barbie listening to this.  Beautiful vocals.    

18.  Lightning Bug - Vision Scraps

Distortion opening, reminiscent of MBV.  Sweet hummingbird vocals, laced with distorted guitars. Nice drums. Having to really listen to the words. Break in the distortion at approx 2 minute

19.  Carla dal Forno - Dont Follow Me

20.  Teen Body - Dreamo

Twin peaks synths and guitars open the song.  Lovely MBV drone guitars on the 2 count, lovely, dreamy.  Then vocals begin so angelic and beatific, i love it.  Could be a much clearer Blinda Butcher vocal.   Hazy, woozy, wavey and repeat.  Male/Female vox interplay I like, so reminiscent of MBV.  MBV being the best archetype.  Male vocals, a little too high in pitch to be as good as Kevin Shields, however, still this track is very pleasing.  “I could have told you that”

Nice wee break in the track at 3 minute 34 secs.  

21.  James Massiah - Natural Born Killers (Ride for Me)

Trippy, bubbly, spaceagey, acid vibes, dystopia/utopia cityscapes.  Danceable, intelligent and jocular.  

22.  Sandy - Not There

23.  Mount Eerie - Love Without Possession

24.  Easter - Muscle

It’s no wonder to me that Easter is a novelist because her word play engulfs you in these romantic, callous, cruel, visceral, trippy, sexual double entendres and European flaneur narratives.  

While the (heart) beats are 90s Euro beats but with a finesse and style no one rivals. Also, about the drums and electronic synths - they really punctuate the spoken word lyrics, it feels like a marching band or something - so taut and percussive.  

I’m going to eventually write a list of my favourite Easter lyrics and this is such catharsis, they bring me joy.  Smart and critical but trippy and fun.  Decidedly adult.

“Back to the studio.  Holding my crotch.  Laying it down”.

“Sadness is an evil gas inside of me”.  (I can totally relate).  

“like a pack of miniature Russian figure skaters on a suicide mission across the frozen lakes of the world to find true love” Oh my, the imagery, startling and beautiful.  Think about also trafficking of Russian women?  Is this what she is referring to?  Or Russian athletes?  Intriguing.  

“A future where each pussy gets a puppy when she hits the floor”.  What does this even mean?  Cats reigning supreme.  Women/femininity to be rewarded for action or inaction?  Fascinating.  

“I fall asleep on these sticky sheets to dream of you and how we’ll meet, again one day to fuck, and eat, and drink and kiss and never sleep”.  Holy cow!!  Gut punching eroticism and obsession.

25.  Okay Kaya - Ascend and Try Again 

Great guitar, slow melancholic and then the singing starts which is just gorgeous and reflective. 

“Ascend and try again” (I like the lyrics, I want to ascend to be honest).

Her voice feels so comforting with this depth and clarity that shines through.

Definite ear worm you can’t stop singing. 

26.  Sandy (Alex G) -  In My Arms

27.  American Football - Every Wave to Every Rise

28.  Sleep Over - I don't want to hide

29.  Molina - Venus

30.  EDDYEVVY - All for Me

31.  Fauness - Soon There Will Be No Summer

32.  Infinite Bisous - Island

33.   Aldous Harding - The Barrel

This song is catchy, but slightly off beat, you don’t know where she’s going to go with it, left-field, jarring.  I wasn’t sure about the vocals initially, but each time I listen, I enjoy it.  

34.  Free Love - Everyone

35.  Eartheater - Concealer

36.  Hand Habits - Placeholder 

37.  Erika de Casier - Good Time

38.  Aya Gloomy - vs Reality

39.  Fee Lion - Re(Visit)

“I love you but I cannot think about you anymore”.  Pulsating bass and catchy distorted synths.  Vocals are beautiful.  “Time to erase our time”.  Breakup contemplation.  Becomes more intimate yet intense, picks up tempo but vocals are more stripped “I am walking alone, feeling fine on my own”.  REPEAT.   Pertinent.  More explained.  “I knew you, oh how I knew you, oh.  I kne-ew you (lovely enunciation” Can we really stake claim to having known someone once?

“All I have is time, time to erase our time”.  When you just want to erase someone so much and it takes a long time because the way you think is so merged with that person.

Ultimate power track.  Deriving power.  Gaining strength.

“Feeling fine”.  One last declaration of strength.  

40.  Equip - Shop (New Inventory!)

This is the song I want to soundtrack my weekly shop so I can imagine being a vaporwave, nintendo or anime character going about the shops, similar to kick ass Negative Gemini, but instead I will reconcile I am a boring nerd (while listening to sick beats, yo!)

41.  Pearly - Too me

Self-composed/self-control

Post-rock with Julee Cruise angel vocals I love.

42.  Mount Kismet - Teenage Fantasy

43.  Prince Rama - F.A.T.E. bought us together

44.  Space Drum Machine - The Mauskovic Dance Band

Infectious, brilliant sitar sounds and synths, makes me want to dance.  Light, breezy, melodic holiday song that sweeps along at pace.  

45.  Ariana Grande - Ghosting

Such a sad melody and lyricism, that sounds cinematic its perfection.  Woozy synths and sirens, that engage the listener straight away.

“I know you hear me when I cry

I try to hold in the night”

Sadness, her voice is stunning.  

“Baby you’re doing so well” Her voice.  Oh so beautiful.

“We’ll get through this, we’ll get past this, I’m a girl with - a whole lot of baggage” (I can identify).

I dunno what this song is about - a couple becoming stronger

The strings, the synths becoming more orchestral.  

‘I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again”.

46. Lana del Rey - California

I could have put any track off Normal Fucking Rockwell to be fair as her songs are ace.

47.  Elena Setien/Mary Lattimore - Wreckage of the hunt

Beautiful harp offsets beautiful vocals.  Lovely and classy.  

48  Blue Hawaii - All that Blue

“Give me sunshine too, oh yeah”. 

49.  Xavibo and Aleesha - Last Call

Best line “some drunk cop might pull me over’.  I like how American people are contextualising this in regards to people of colour being pulled over by inept cops.  Worrying it still happens though.  I guess as well, you wouldn’t really expect a hyper feminine female pop track to be referring to this though - which is great. 

50.  Automatic - Calling It.

Nice drums and guitars, kind of 60s sounding, building and building.  Then female sass vocals, loud and joyous.  “Emotions always out of reach”.  The guitars have this throbbing kind of swagger I also like on a track by Maraudeur named ‘Computer Dreams’.

“A picture of your changing face / To hold it all together”.

What I like is the merging of guitars with synths to make these future/retro narratives that are existential and narrative based.

[bluecoloreddreams]

epersonae replied to your post “4,5,9, or 10 for Sacred Simplicity? Maurcretia gives me life ❤”

wow. and now I suuuuuuper want the conversation between Magnus and Maureen after all this is over.

Turns out, I super wanted it too. Enjoy a little ficlet! 

“I stand by it, Luce, I don’t know how he didn’t break you,” is the first thing Maureen Miller says to him as a reaper.

He knows exactly what she means, without even a second thought. He decides he likes her just fine. More than her son, anyway

It takes a while to settle into their new lives: Maureen has her duties as a reaper, Lucretia has hers as the Director. The fear of it not working out pushes them past their comfort zones—for the first time, they both quietly admit to things they’d never dared to broach. They learn to trust and talk all over, and while it hurts, they find themselves better for it.

This step leads them to a café in Neverwinter in the spring following the Day of Story and Song. Their food is eaten, plates set aside but dessert on the way, and between them on the center of the table, is a leather bound notebook.

Lucretia sits, her hands tight in her lap. Maureen folds her fingers atop the table. Magnus balls his napkin up into his hands and throws it on the ground, face red.

“You did what?”

Lucretia makes a soft sound in the back of her throat. “Magnus,” she whispers, “Please understand.”

“What is there to understand?!” he hisses, jabbing a finger towards her. “You had no right!”

Maureen puts a hand out between Magnus’ outstretched finger and Lucretia, shaking her head. “It’s done,” she says quietly. She puts her hand over Lucretia’s and squeezes it tightly. “It’s done, Magnus. Lucretia had the right.”

“She should have dropped me and been done, she stuck her nose where it didn’t belong,” he snarls, gesturing at the journal with a jerky movement, the back of his knuckles slapping the binding. “And it killed my family!”

“Because my family was dead,” Maureen snaps back. “The same forces that stole my research killed my husband and tried to steal my son from me! Think of how your town was before the revolution, Magnus,” she says. “Were people afraid, Magnus? Were you? How many people went missing, how many were forced from their homes? How many supply lines were cut off before you stood up and said enough? My life was lived in abject terror—I was frightened, every day.”

“You two were, you two—we did just fine, we would have done just fine without any sort of shadow movement sticking it’s nose in, so many people, my wife, you condemned them to a slow and painful death,” Magnus whispers, voice hoarse.

“We didn’t know, Magnus,” Lucretia whispers. “I… All I wanted was… I wanted you to be happy with Julia, Magnus. I wanted Maureen to, I wanted her to feel safe in her own home again.”

Magnus watches the tears slip down her cheeks, feeling numb. Maureen’s face softens and she reaches up to brush her knuckles against Lucretia’s cheek. He turns his eyes away, glaring hard at his own hands as Maureen leans forward and presses a kiss to Lucretia’s forehead.

She murmurs something indistinct to her, and Magnus’ mouth tastes bitter with bile. Once, he would have comforted Lucretia in the same manner; once, the desire to draw her to him wouldn’t have filled him with a complicated wash of guilt and jealousy. He snatches the journal up from the table, paging through Maureen and Lucretia’s blueprints, their ciphers, sketches, old intel.

Dessert arrives, though no one moves to eat.

“…If your family was killed… you know who did it?” Magnus asks once the anger has cooled and he’s managed a few bites of cake.

Maureen sighs and exchanges a look with Lucretia. They seem to be communicating without words, a complicated message of a half-shrug and a tip of Lucretia’s chin.

“Yes. I know. I know who did it,” Maureen says.  

Magnus stands and throws the journal to the table. “Kill them. Atone. Do… do it for Julia.”

It feels a little like some sort of strange custody arrangement, the way he and Maureen split Lucretia’s spare time between them. Magnus wonders if it’s fair to any of them, to be doing this the way they are. But Maureen comes around just as often as Lucretia does, and never seems to begrudge the way he and Lucretia tease each other and tiptoe over the edges of their old relationship.

“I don’t like her being alone,” Maureen says softly, one night when her sleepless body draws her up and away from Lucretia, only to find Magnus on his deck watching idly as one of the dogs roots around for a spot to pee in the moonlight.

Magnus looks up at her, an imposing figure despite her pajamas. “Yeah?”

Maureen settles beside him on the deck, stretching her legs out over the edge. The silver streak in her hair glitters, but the feather pendant on her neck seems to absorb all the light around her. “I left her alone, you know?”

“So did I,” Magnus says, leaning forward against his knees. “Before… I let her… hole herself up. You know how she is,” he says. “Three months, I didn’t see her. And then…”

“It was too late,” Maureen says. “Yeah. She gets so… we’ve talked about it, her and I. Went to someone else to mediate.”

Magnus laughs. “What a session, Death and the Director, couples counseling extraordinaire!”

Maureen snickers and leans back on her palms. “Hey, don’t knock it. It helped. It’s so much… it’s so much better,” she says, her voice hoarse with emotion. “I might be dead, but god, I love her. It’s worth it.”

Magnus nods quietly and bites the inside of his cheek. Sometimes, he finds it a little unfair:  Maureen, returned from death for another chance at life with her loved ones. A chance to return to Lucretia, the wife she’d lost.

And he… well, Julia’s dead, and she’ll stay that way. And it’s so lonely; it’s so lonely that it drives him wild with grief. He’ll see the way that Lucretia laughs with Maureen, the way she leans on her toes to kiss her; the way her smile is soft and playful and how much more alive she seems with her, so much more like the Lucretia he’d loved than the Lucretia he’d met as the Director.

And then, and then he’ll see the way she looks at him, how he can still make her snort tea out of her nose if he times a goof right, and… he wants her, too. It’s more than just missing what they had before everything, before he Relics and the war and the forgetting; it’s seeing who she’s grown into in her years without him, it’s seeing who she is with Maureen. It’s helping her concoct the perfect prank; it’s hearing her shoot off the perfect pun; it’s joining Maureen in teasing her about her unshelled pistachios. It’s helping Maureen pick up the pieces that are left of Lucretia, helping her grow back into something whole and trusting and safe-feeling. It’s helping her when her hands are shaking and Maureen’s away, her presence a warm, familiar weight against his side.

And he can’t have it back—he used to have it, he used to have Lucretia’s everything. Her smiles, her laughs, her trust and her sadness, but she offered it up and away for the greater good, and now that the greater good has given him back, she is not his to have anymore. It’s only fair, he thinks during the nights he tries to reason away the covetous grief of it; he had Julia, and Lucretia had to bear watching that. Their hearts had found new homes on this world, and while his is empty now, the least he can do is be happy that Lucretia’s heart is not.

But it’s hard.

Maureen looks at him and reaches out. “Big guy,” she says, curling her knuckles under his chin. “I love her, but that doesn’t mean she can’t love you, too. Don’t let her be lonely when I’m away.”

“You two are married,” Magnus says slowly, the words tripping up in his mouth. It’s a weak excuse, and he knows it.

“Mm, we’re thinking about redoing all that,” Maureen says thoughtfully. “Since we didn’t do so hot the first time, and the death do us part and all. Gotta rewrite that bit.”

Maureen studies his face and her hand drops to his shoulder. “She never stopped loving you,” she says. “It used to… it used to bother me so much. But we never stop loving, even when people are gone; there’s some part of you that always loves. I still love my late husband; that won’t change. Lucretia still loves you.”

“Should you be telling me this?” Magnus asks.

“I mean, I think it’s fairly obvious,” Maureen retorts with a dismissive shrug. “But, you know, maybe she’ll fuss at me, but I like it when she does.”

Magnus snorts and shakes his head. “Too much information, Miller.”

Maureen laughs. “Sorry, not sorry.”

“Is it really okay?” Magnus asks after a long pause, watching his dogs sniff around for frogs to torment.

“Take it from me,” Maureen says; “Don’t live regretting things. The worst that can happen is she says no, it’s a little awkward, she doesn’t let you speak at our vow renewal.”

“Ouch,” Magnus complains.

She snorts and claps his shoulder. “But isn’t that better than going the rest of your life wondering? Isn’t that better than dying wishing you could have told her you loved her, one last time?”

Magnus looks at Maureen, throat tight; her eyes shine from within, and he’s reminded suddenly that she’s not exactly human.

“You know?”

“Of course,” Maureen says softly. “I asked around. It was the best thing you could say, I wish I’d known what you did then, without realizing it. Every time I leave, now—Lucas, Lucretia—I tell them I love them. Because there’s nothing worse than dying and realizing the last thing you said was something hateful.”

“What if it’s something like, ‘don’t leave the oven on’?”

“…Gods,” Maureen snorts. “I mean, I guess? I guess that’s fine too.”

Magnus stands and dusts off his pajama pants. He whistles for the dogs, watching them trot up with pinched lips.

“You said it was obvious she loved me,” he says. “Well, she loves you too. So much. So if you ever… if you ever feel like… if you ever feel like she doesn’t, trust me.”

Maureen looks up and grins at him. “Thank you, Magnus,” she whispers. “For… for everything that brought her to me, here.”

“Thank you for saving her,” Magnus says. He opens the door for the dogs, then follows them inside. “Your son is sort of terrible, but you’re… not.”

Maureen shakes her head and laughs, lingering out on the deck for a few more minutes before making her way back inside, where she slips back into the guest bed, careful not to wake Lucretia.

[twistednuns]

April 2020

Let's get started this month with my list of quarantine activities. You know what is so beautiful about this whole situation? I have relearned how to play. I got my urge to be creative back. I'll follow any urge and interest because why not? It's not unlike how a child would spend their day. I have so many new projects and even though I feel like I don't really accomplish anything these days I actually do so much. My balcony is lush and green, the first seedlings have sprouted and found their way towards the light. Like a little garden. I am cooking and baking almost every day, trying new and exciting recipes. I draw and make collages, I got a new carving knife and I love sitting in the afternoon sun on the balcony, making a mess, working on my little wooden bird. I found happiness. Stillness. I'm good at being on my own. There is no pressure - only freedom. I'm so scared this feeling will go away again as soon as I have to go back to work.

Mushrooms.

An iridescent nail polish called Mermaid Fantasy. The 90s are back.

Cherry-flavoured diet coke (man, I LOVE artificial cherry flavour). Peppermint tea with milk.

Finding out that I have the same sun sign (Taurus), moon sign (Gemini) and ascendant (Virgo) as Sophia!

Losing my feeling for time. Only knowing what day it is when I take my vitamins in the morning (the weekdays are printed on the lids). Daylight saving is a bitch as well.

Eliot kissing Charlton in the very last episode of The Magicians. I'm so hot for Hale Appleman.

The BA test kitchen staff filming videos of themselves working from home.

Gerstaecker (resin!) and Amazon (raised bed planter!) orders getting way out of hand. But hey. I won't be able to spend my money on plane tickets so I gotta have the right supplies for some fun stay-at-home projects.

Sunset hour = rainbow hour because of the crystals I finally hung up over the balcony door.

The forest. I feel so at ease there. The colours, the light, the smell, the quietude. I have one right behind my house, I should really take a walk there more often. Walking on the soft, almost bouncy forest floor makes such a difference. I usually walk on asphalt all day - hard, cold, unforgiving. I cut some twigs with budding green leaves for my kitchen. And I spotted a cat in an alley - I actually turned around on my bike just to watch it more closely.

The word nohow - is that the opposite of somehow?

All those birdies visiting my balcony (now that there are interesting nesting materials and seeds to be stolen). I love how snatchily they keep turning their heads, it looks a little bit like a laggy glitch in a computer game.

Duolingo's story feature! You read and listen to little short stories (or longer ones - yesterday I read The Tell-Tale Heart in Spanish) and answer questions. So much more fun than those boring translations. So far I've only seen this feature in the English-Spanish course.

Smelling of honey after roasting a batch of homemade granola.

Thai curry. I still know how to make it. It's been a while.

"And Ally loved contradictions." Lena Dunham's novel Verified Strangers - she publishes a chapter every weekday on Vogue.com and the readers get to decide how the story goes on. She says a romance novel is the best way to distract people from the horrible reality these days.

Listening to Marienova's community podcast before falling asleep.

Watching Studio Ghibli movies for the first time ever. I LOVE them all so much, believe the hype! Super magical. I think Spirited Away might be my favourite so far but man, Howl's Moving Castle? Princess Mononoke? I really can't decide. I absolutely adore the tiny creatures the keep featuring like the soot sprites (Susuwatari) or the tree spirits (Kodama). Oh, and half way into Spirited Away I realised that Yubaba's German voice is Nina Hagen!!!

A really lovely letter from Lena.

Deciding to go out. Sitting down at the edge of a field, enjoying the late afternoon glow shortly before sunset. I make an effort to leave the house every day now during quarantine and it has been so good for me. The morning walk to Neuried, having breakfast in the sunshine, my visits to the forest. I love reconnecting with nature. It's such a big difference compared to my usual ways around the city - subway, asphalt, traffic.

An Easter walk through the forest with Adrian. Human contact! Gasp!

Wearing make-up for the first time in weeks. I love how it makes me look but perhaps I could start wearing it less when all this is over.

Applying my favourite Garnier sun oil on my arms just because of the smell. It reminds me of summer, the beach, time with friends.

An evening walk: almost stumbling over toads three times on a forest path / meeting a friendly black and white cat in front of one of my favourite houses / seeing the plushy toy penguins lined up on a shelf in the supermarket window. Walking past back gardens. A party, people in a whirlpool. Chalk graffiti on a lamp post. Venus shining bright.

The Virtual Orchestra makes me cry.

Playing a magical online escape game with Frank.

A break from FOMO. This phase we're going through is such a gift for me but I know I'm in a very privileged position.

Easter Monday was extremely cold but I really wanted to go to the forest so I went anyway. I love being alone in there, avoiding people whenever possible, taking the small, unbeaten paths. It was windy. I hugged a few trees and when I put my ear onto the trunk I could hear deep moaning noises because the wind made the crowns sway and the wood had to adjust. Eerie. I had never heard that before or maybe I just didn't pay enough attention.

Regularly thanking past me for being so clever and considerate, for thinking of everything and preparing accordingly. I love my new hands-on approach, it really serves me well.

Learning about Japanese pavement markings (oudanhodou ari) since I had always wondered what those diamond-shaped markings on the road meant.

Using a leaf care spray on my house plants. So shiny!

Talking to my neighbors. Learning that they're calling the big red cat that keeps walking through our backyard Garfield (I have a different name for him). They also saved me when my apartment door fell shut and gave me a ladder so I could break into my own flat by climbing on the balcony. Oh and Franky gave me his power drill because I needed to drill a hole in the balcony ceiling. More plant hangers! A project for next week: Makramee! I both hate drilling (scary, messy, have I mentioned scary?!) and love it (because it makes me feel like a feminist badass).

The smell of sunflower seed bread and sticky walnut cinnamon buns in the whole apartment.

Love in times of Corona. I'm so happy to be alone right now. I've stopped searching. I am enough.

Working with warm yeast dough.

That day I went to the forest with Manu. He arrived in my backyard and simply said Let's Romeo and Juliet this! (Doch still, was schimmert durch das Fenster dort? Es ist der Ost, und Julia die Sonne!) because he didn't want to come inside. We also tried the Rapunzel-method when I let my hair down to make him climb up the balcony but that obviously didn't work. On our way to the forest we found a plant garage sale and I couldn't resist, I took three pots and donated some money. Manu said that it was one of those moments when I get shiny eyes because I'm so happy or joyful. When we sat down in the nest made from branches a lady approached us after a while and asked us to help her friend who had fallen down. Those things only happen when Manu is with me, I swear.

Peeling a melon in one go without breaking the peel.

The mason bee makes its nest from flower petals.

Buttermilk.

Louise Bourgeois getting her fears under control.

[imgonnabeyourbubblegumwitch]

Valentines Day Part 1

"So Valentines Day is coming up."

"Really?" Nico asked, looking around at the heart decorations and flowers that had sprung up overnight like unwelcome nuclear powered mushrooms. "I hadn't noticed."

Piper gave him a look and took a bite of toast. She's ambushed him at breakfast, which was already Nico's least favourite time of day. This conversation was pushing him quickly from not-a-morning-person to potential-killer.

"What are you doing for Will?" Piper asked either oblivious or used to the aura of gloom and doom and get-away-from-me Nico was trying his best to project.

He gave a noncommittal shrug when Piper raised her eyebrows, and wondered if slowly sidestepping away would be too obvious.

"Please tell me you're doing something? I think Will is secretly pretty romantic you know."

"Not secretly," Nico said.

"At least a card?"

"Piper, I have grown to tolerate you and the others but you need to let this go or I will set a zombie on you. Will doesn't care what I do for him. Which, for the record, is going to be nothing."

Piper gave him a disappointed look, but Nico was 100% done with the conversation. He glanced around the dining pavilion and saw Cecil sloping up, looking almost as fed up as Nico felt.

"Oh look there's Cecil. I think he needs me to help him with something, or whatever. You can pretend that was a valid excuse to leave this conversation if you like."

Piper sighed but she waved him off.

"Go," she said. "You're a lost cause."

"I try," Nico said.

He grabbed a bagel and went back towards his cabin, blatantly ignoring Cecil on the way. His thoughts were jumbled and messy: he knew Piper had been joking about him being a lost cause but she'd accidentally hit a bit too close to home.

In truth he had been planning to do something for Will. Valentine’s day made him uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, not the least the sudden ever present nature of Cupid which was enough to send his heart racing. But Will deserved Nico to make an attempt at something good. After all, he put up with a lot: Nico wasn't exactly the easiest person in the world to deal with (though the same could often be said about Will who may have invented the word stubborn).

Besides he was pretty sure Will was going to get him something. He couldn't give Will nothing in return for whatever spectacular thing Will had planned for him.

That just left him with the problem of what to get. He thought he knew Will pretty well, but he was starting to think he might have been mistaken. Flowers were stupid, chocolates cliche. He'd tried to plan a picnic before, and he'd vowed never again. When he became truly desperate he'd even spent an afternoon eavesdropping on a group of Aphrodite kids as they sat out of sword fighting practice, hoping they'd inadvertently give him an idea. But everything they came up with was either cliched and made him feel psychically sick (slow dancing in the rain, taking cute couples photos), was not something he thought Will would enjoy (cooking a meal together) or was completely improbably (rescue Will from a tower, go on a quest to find a crown, realise one of them was long-lost royalty and get married).

Nico was starting to think he was a bad boyfriend.

Or maybe it was Will who was the bad boyfriend. He should like more stuff. Why couldn't he just drop hints about some new album he wanted? Then Nico could buy that put a pink bow on it and use the fact everyone expected him to do nothing to cover up the fact it would be a really unthoughtful, uncreative gift.

Really it was a good thing he didn't have more friends. Then it would be birthday after birthday he'd have to think about too. The last had been Reyna's and that had been the most stressful experience of his life. In the end he'd had to ask Jason who'd known her the longest and he'd suggested -

Nico stopped and glanced back at the pavilion. Cecil was slumped at a table, apparently trying to digest his food through some kind of advanced osmosis technique that involved him staring at a plate with a blank expression. Nico turned and headed back towards him.

"Hey Cecil," Nico said, plonking himself down opposite him.

Cecil murmured something that in his head was probably a colourfully worded invitation to go someplace else. Nico filled in the gaps mentally, and then promptly ignored it.

"You know Will pretty well," he said.

"I guess."

"What does he like?"

"You?" Cecil tried blearily.

"No, this isn't a trick question. I actually need to know, what does he like?"

"I dunno. Stuff. Ice Cream. Medical dramas. That band that does that song."

"Not all that helpful Cecil."

Cecil waved a pop tart in roughly Nico's direction.

"S' alright," he said. "You're welcome."

Nico thought that was probably as much as he was going to get out of Cecil at this time of morning.

He tried Lou Ellen but she wasn't particularly helpful either. She was working on what was either a modern impressionist style art piece or a ritualistic sacrificial magic spell, and so was not particularly interested in conversation.

"Just get him chocolates. Isn't that what everyone does?"

"I don't want to just do what everyone does," Nico admitted.

"Well then I can't help you. If you want it to come from the heart only you can know what’s going to work."

It was a valid point, but it annoyed him anyway. Will had the worst friends. He told Will that as he caught up with his boyfriend in a rare five minutes when neither of them were busy. Will just laughed.

"What have they done now?" he asked.

Nico floundered, wondering what excuse to make up to avoid the I was asking them for help planning your surprise valentine's gift because I suck conversation. Luckily Will was quickly distracted by events on the archery range.

"Wait! DO NOT TOUCH THAT!  HARLEY!"

Will groaned.

“Gotta go. I’ll catch up with you later. HARLEY I SAID DON’T TOUCH!”

And with that Will was gone.

Will was pretty ephemeral these days. Not that Nico was complaining: Will was incredible and amazing and lovely. Nico wasn’t completely head over heels in love with him or anything. It was just he kind of really liked Will’s eyes and he wanted to make Will smile all the time and he felt like his breath got knocked out of him every time he looked at his boyfriend. And he did sometimes wake up and wonder how his life had gotten so good.

The thing was because Will was incredible and amazing and lovely it meant he was often busy: busy in the infirmary, busy sorting out his siblings (though the Apollo cabin had recently whittled down to just Kayla and Austin), busy, busy, busy. Nico didn’t exactly have masses of free time either because somehow he’d been drawn into duty after duty like helping Jason with his Pontiac (or whatever it was) thing, and suddenly he too was busy, busy, busy. It meant his and Will’s time together could usually be counted in minutes and usually ended abruptly.

Nico kind of missed Will.

He shouldn’t complain. He liked being part of camp. And besides it had just been a crazy couple of weeks. He was sure things would level out soon.

He hoped things would level out soon.

Jason found him brooding on the step outside his cabin and came to sit down next to him.

“You seem gloomier than usual.”

“I don’t want to have this conversation Jason.”

Jason seemed to physically fight back the urge to mother him but eventually he nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“Nothing. I want to continue sitting on this step staring at that tree until I bore a whole through the fabric of the universe and I’m drawn into the void where I won’t have to think anymore.”

“I’ll miss you,” Jason commented. “Let me know what the void is like.”

“I’ll send you a postcard.”

Jason nodded and stood.

“If it makes a difference, Will’s going to love whatever you get him because it’ll be from you.”

Nico glared at him.

“I said –“

Jason held up his hands in surrender.

“I’m making Piper a constellation charm bracelet. Our first kiss was supposedly on the roof under the stars but it turned out that was a lie. I want to remind her I chose her and I’d choose her again and again, even without the fake memories.”

“Ugh, that’s disgustingly cute. I did not ask to be told that.”

“I’m going.”

Nico had first kissed Will in his cabin. It wasn’t exactly the most romantic setting, even if there were fairy lights at the time. They’d looked incredible reflecting in Will’s eyes. Maybe he could – but no that was Jason’s idea. He was supposed to come up with something on his own.

Three days later and Valentines Day eve, and he was drawing a complete blank. He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling while he spiralled further and further into panic. He had nothing. He was going to wake up tomorrow and have nothing to give Will. Maybe he could pretend he was sick, fake some debilitating illness.

No he couldn’t do that, that was a cowards way out.

Besides the trouble with dating the head medic was that Will could tell fake illness a mile off. He’d never pull it off.

But perhaps he could stall Will long enough to figure out what to do for him.

He got up and crept out the door. The Apollo cabin was dark and shut down and Nico was horrendously glad his boyfriend crashed out early. It meant he was extremely unlikely to stumble upon this transaction.

He knocked on the door of Cabin Eleven, and then knocked again louder when no one came to the door.

“I know someone’s awake! I can see the lights are on.” Nico hissed as loudly as he dared. He was very aware he was pushing curfew and besides he had other reasons not to want to be caught.

Eventually the door opened and Julia was blinking at him. She was wearing fuzzy pyjamas and an impatient expression.

“Yeah?”

“Get me Connor.”

She stared at him for a full five seconds and then sighed, turned around.

“OI CONNOR!”

Nico gave her an exasperated look but she just sloped off leaving an empty doorway. An inordinately long time later Connor came to the door and looked Nico up and down with a worryingly calculating expression,

“Yeah?”

“I need you to do something for me.”

“It’ll cost –“

“I know,” Nico said quickly. “I’m prepared to take on your cabin’s chores for a while.”

“That’s a handsome offer,” Connor said, very suspiciously. “What exactly do you want? I won’t kill anyone.”

“I’m not – that’s not?” Nico shook his head.

“No. It’s about Will. I need you to keep him occupied tomorrow.”

Connor considered that.

“We’ve always have pretty good relations with the Apollo lot. I personally like Will. Not sure you taking on our chores is worth the potential falling out.”

“A month, I’ll do your chores for a whole month.”

Connor still seemed uncertain. He was wavering and Nico thought he might actually turn away and shut the door in his face.

“And you can have one favour! Anything.”

Connor raised an eyebrow.

“Any favour?”

“Any favour.”

“Whenever I want it?”

“Whenever.”

“Alright, done,” Connor said with a shrug. “How exactly am I supposed to keep him occupied?”

Nico sighed partly with relief and partly with regret.

“That’s up to you. Just don’t get him hurt. And don’t annoy him too much. But make sure he’s busy. Whatever it takes.”

Connor smirked.

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll be able to think of something.”

“And don’t tell Will. Whatever you do, whatever happens you don’t tell him I set this up. On pain of death.”

Connor’s smirk widened.

“Scout’s honour,” he promised.

Nico wasn’t sure he liked Connor’s expression and he began to wonder as he walked back to his cabin whether he’d done the right thing, and what on earth he’d gotten Will into.

Part Two

Storycubes Thursday cubes: heart, person counting/looking at money, person with hurt thumb

[ownedby5cats]

Tagged by @lixana​

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

If you could live in any fictional world, which would it be and what would be your role in it?                                                                          I suppose I will go with the obvious choice of FFVIII...and as much as I wanna say I would live in Esthar, I think I’d get nauseous every time I had to ride the lifts XD I would likely live somewhere in Galbadia (Winhill? Just so I could cry?) or Trabia, as I friggin love the snow. And I would still be an artist, maybe drawing the monsters and scenery? IDK.

Do you have a favorite flower/plant? Which one?                                I’m not super big on flowers, though I love nature a lot. And even if I had a favorite I likely wouldn’t know the name, lol. I just love nature in general...so all flowers/plants?

If you could go to a concert of your choice, which artist would you want to see?                                                                                              Well I’ve actually been to a lot of concerts, and all of them were Classic Rock. Of those, the top one that I would like to see one day is probably Eric Clapton. Otherwise, I would so love to go to a Final Fantasy concert with Nobuo Uematsu!

What’s your favorite movie from your childhood?                                Tons. I guess I’ll go with my earliest favorite, or at least the earliest I remember. And that’s 101 Dalmations! I was huge on any and all animal movies growing up...still am tbh.

Do you have a favorite Disney character? Why is he/she your favorite?                                                                                            Argh, I gotta pick one?! I-I’m not sure I can actually...there are so many! Can I get back to you on this? XD

Do you have a bucket list?                                                                      Not really? Not a specific one anyway, I mean there are a few things I would like to do in my life eventually but I never actually listed them or anything. Off the top of my head: visit Alaska and see the northern lights, come face to face with some of the big cats...i.e. lions and tigers and snow leopards. There’s more I’m sure but that’s what I can think of right now, lol.

What’s your favorite piece of any movie or video game soundtrack?                                                                                         I’m just gonna say the entirety of the FFVIII soundtrack. Like I love every song on it, and can hardly pick favorites. I mean ‘Man With the Machine Gun’ always deserves it’s own mention cause...Laguna, and I love ‘Liberi Fatali’ and ‘Fisherman’s Horizon’ and well, all of them! And ‘Eyes on Me’ of course gets it’s own mention, especially considering how often it’s made me bawl my eyes out.

Something you want to do this year?                                                   Start actually selling at local fairs with my art, I did one last year but it was so last minute that I didn’t really have anything to actually well...sell. Hopefully I can get some original prints ready and actually do things this year with my art!

Tell me about your favorite OTP! Why do you like them?                    LAGUNA AND RAINE. Always them, they will forever be my top. And as for why? I mean, holy shit. It’s just everything about them. You can see in the cutscene where he proposes and they hug...the looks on their faces and their body language...they are home. They are each other’s home. And their whole story is so goddamned sad. Like the timeline when Laguna was with her is a bit iffy but at max they can’t have had more than 2-3 years together, and 6 months of that includes Laguna’s bedridden recovery in the beginning, not to mention it was still months after that that they even became a couple. And because of fate, and his responsibilities in Esthar (that he didn’t even ask for btw!) Laguna couldn’t even be by her side when she died. And because Winhill was full of assholes that somehow hated this cinnamon roll of a man, they never even told him he had a son! It’s like, even before Raine...look at what happened with Julia, he only had one night with her before fate decided to screw with him. It’s like he is destined to have the worst luck with love and relationships and family. And it sucks because that’s all he ever really wanted, and fate never let him keep it. Every time he found happiness it was ripped away, and yet...he still smiles.

Do you have any OCs? If yes, tell us about one of them!                    Yes I do, though I never really did much with them, or the stories surrounding them. I guess I can do a brief overview of the very first one I came up with...waaaay back in 2007/8 when I was seventeen, lol. Back then I was obsessed with all things Japanese and so at the start his name was Keiji. An ice demon who grew up on his own and hated by his clan after his mother had an affair with a human and was banished (and the human killed btw) I recently changed his name to Reikan (which may be changed again one day, who knows). He has pale blue hair and silver eyes and basically never wears a shirt, pfffft. Hey he’s an ice demon, not like he ever gets cold right?

Tea or coffee?                                                                                          COFFEE! Seriously, I’ve been known to drink a whole pot in one day before. I have two mugs I use, one which, despite being small...well small for me, I use every day because it’s an FFVIII mug. And one that is like HUGE, that I use for when I really need a caffeine fix. Oh, and guess what I’m drinking right at this moment, lol.

Yeah, way too lazy to come up with new questions and to tag...sorry? (Not to mention I did this like 3/4 times on my RP blogs awhile back...lol)

[plounce]

taz girl scout camp au - back with more gravitas

hope you’re ready for more fun times!! almost all of this is compiled from a chat with charlie @stonerlucretia​, which means there’s a lot of focus on the director, but is that a bad thing? no, obviously. thanks so much to charlie for writing about half of this and being so cool as per usual.

under the cut: the director, the cast, honorary camper june, a bit of ango, haggard camp staff roswell, and a class sketch of sweet junebug, my new favorite part of this au.

THE BELOVED DIRECTOR

the director at the girl scout camp i went to as a youth rode around the expansive campgrounds in a golf cart… so obviously lucretia does the same. she has gotta scoot around to make sure everything is going smoothly in a timely manner!

but this doesn’t mean she’s unfit, god no. in this au she looks older than she is because she has spent so much of her life out in the wilderness, kicking nature’s ass!! everyone thinks she’s a wiry old lady until she like, paddles a kayak at lightspeed to help a camper, or wrangles a spooked horse, or scares off a mountain lion.

Nobody Fucks With Lucretia’s Camp.

she’s constantly wearing old lady shorts with big pockets and big clunky tennis shoes… khaki shirts… sunglasses on a string around her neck… a fanny pack (that she rocks, obviously). half of her closet is camp shirts going back twenty years.

she always has a big nalgene filled with iced tea (like my mom)

the campers are at arts and crafts and she just shows up on a horse. holy fuck mom. and then she does tie-dye with them!! it’s not the most colorful shirt out on the drying rack, but it is one of the more neat ones. she also gets a bit stained with tie-dye… a camper got eager to show her a creation.

she is universally beloved by the campers….. constantly hug-rushed. “girls you’re covered in paint. please girls. okay yes hello”

“girls you’re covered in lake water. girls the sludge. you smell like a sewer grate. i am glad you had fun swamping your canoes but Please”

“carey please put that lizard down before you - okay well now it’s stuck. thank you”

the lizard is carey’s new friend that she found down by the creek. only she ran up to lu too fast? and now. uh oh. it is stuck on lucretia’s shorts. and it does not want to be pried off. now the lizard is lucretia’s friend also

the lizard crawls up and just kinda chills on lu’s shoulder for a while like a parrot. she gives it back to carey at the end of the day but she’ll stop by when she sees carey playing with it and say hello to him and shake his lizard hand

(charlie wrote most of that and charlie is definitely the lizard)

she also has a cat!! camp pet and mascot. it comes and goes… it can usually be found near the director’s residence or the dining hall. each summer’s campers have a name for it but she like… has a “real” name for it. maybe it’s davenport.

THE CAST LIST (if i am missing any people lmk)

the campers: carey, killian, julia, noelle, ren, jess, and sabine

the college age counselors (the job i will probably be doing this summer lmao): sloane and hurley

camp staff: the director (the director), maureen (main camp staff, science lead), c*ssidy (horse stables staff), roswell (lake and boating staff), jack (more behind-the-scenes, takes care of any rattlesnakes or problems with facilities - occasionally will do nature talks)

honorary future camper: june!!!!!!!!

JUNEBUG

june is too young to go to camp yet (around five or six years old)… but her dad works there so she lives at camp over the summer. the director is very fond of her. sometimes she brings june while doing her rounds and june gets to participate in activities… lucretia’s assistant!!

she has a little clipboard that has the day’s schedule on it. and some coloring pages.

when the director is like “ok it’s time for Paperwork” june’s like OH! YES WE’RE SO BUSY and she just colors for 4 hours

the director’s office and room are papered in june’s pictures. in her desk she has a drawer that’s just filled with markers and crayons for june’s use.

lucretia: filling out grant apps and incident reports

june: drawing self insert “if i could go to camp” fanfic in those little booklets that have lines on the bottom half and blank drawing space on the top half 

all the stories are of her being super cool and all the older girls think she’s really cool and they lift her up on their shoulders and call her the Best Camper Ever at the end of every one

the director has a fucking library of these things 

“june [last name], honorary camper in: THE MOUNTAIN LION MYSTERY!" 

(charlie also wrote most of that and made me almost cry in class bc it’s So Pure, You Guys)

POOR ANGO

angus is also there… he hangs out with june a lot. he’s the director’s nephew. his parents dropped him off so they could go on vacation by themselves :( lucretia disapproves but tries to give him a good summer break regardless. she is not fond of her brother, but very fond of her nephew.

he has read every nature book in her and jack’s offices at least twice, and he reads all of june’s stories and makes minor editing suggestions that go largely untaken

everyone’s pretty nice to him though!! he often sits by the lake and reads and eats his PB&J while the campers go boating and when they paddle up near him he says hi :)

he doesn’t participate in a lot of the more active camp activities (lucretia wouldn’t force him to) but he’s around! he makes the best of a bad situation!

ROSWELL WANTS YOU TO KEEP YOUR HANDS INSIDE THE BOAT PLEASE

roswell, as said, is the pool/lake/boating supervisor… safety first, kids.

carey please put your lifejacket back on and - KILLIAN DON’T STAND UP IN THE CANOE IT’S VERY DANGEROUS

JESS AND SABINE PLEASE STOP HITTING EACH OTHER WITH YOUR PADDLES

LET THAT FROG GO PLEASE CAREY

CAREY ENOUGH WITH THE SALAMANDERS THEY JUST WANT REST

carey you can’t bring crayfish into the boat. carey please do not pinch me with your new friends

carey i am not a downer 

(sigh) you kids wanna feed some ducks? (killian: YES)

when the campers get to swamp their canoes (that’s when you intentionally rock the boat so you fall in, it’s very fun) roswell is always very close by in their kayak… they are glad they’re all having fun! they worry, but they made sure each life jacket fit perfectly, so they’re not too concerned.

ALSO

here’s a tinie junebug i drew real fast in class…

she is covered in arts and crafts projects. and band-aids. they didn’t have a camp tshirt small enough to fit her properly, but it is very enthusiastically tie-dyed.

she is also missing lots of teeth, because she is a little girl. when asked she will tell you the story of how she lost each one. every time. (one of charlie’s kids from his job does this) (it’s cute from june though)

and yeah!! i hope to get around to writing a fic set in this au at some point when school isn’t kicking my ass… if you have any ideas send them to me!! i love this au so much. feel free to draw anything, also!! (please)