#i got sick so I haven't drawn for the past 2 days

[gamebunny-advance]

*sigh*

How many times am I going to remake this thing? Huh?

When am I gonna be satisfied?

[suna1suna1]

Day 2, Gift

My second drawing for @sonicrarepairweek2024

Okay so my style has done a mega shift in the past couple months since I haven't actually been drawing Sonic until literally yesterday and here's the result lol

Honestly, I like it. And I've definitely come a long way from my last drawing of these two (which I can't remember if I've posted so here lol)

^^^ This one's from January of 2023, and I think it was the first time I'd drawn a kiss like this. I worked for so long on it I got grossed out and sick of looking at it XD

Now, in terms of my headcanons, I think they would just... they're just cute. I have no other real reasons. I think they're cute.

I love their chemistry in Archie (post-genesis wave, bc I'm in the minority that prefers the canon after the reset). Like, they just vibe so well together and I love watching them, but like, Mighty's actually really soft most of the time. Like, he's such a gentle giant, and I mean, I know the way I tend to portray Sonic is a little ooc when it comes to game/comic canon (I tend to prefer movie Sonic). But like, put these two together and it's just... So cute.

[lazar-codes]

01/02/2024 || Day 11 (dop)

TLDR:

🔸 added last class' ASL words to my program

🔸 worked on toggle for Frontend Mentor project

🔸 started and finished an illustration for fanart

🔸 started and nearly finished editing and rendering my recording of my illustration

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't believe I'm sick again. I've gotten sick for 3 out of the past 4 months, and I'm annoyed. Luckily this is the mildest illness compared to the other 2, but it's still not fun. All my symptoms have been spread out, so the past 3 days I've had one runny nostril, yesterday I was completely exhausted, this morning I lost my voice, and now the other nostril's runny.

Work

Frontend Mentor - I've been slowly chipping away at this project but now I gotta get my butt into gear because I wanted to finish this in January, and it's now February and I still have a lot left to do. Today I worked on the implementation of the toggle between the "monthly" and "yearly" plans, and I got it to work by changing the display to either the "monthly" or "yearly" cost to be either "none" or "block". This is basically what the HTML looks like, and below's the functionality for the toggle.

Basically, I get all the elements that have the term "plan_cost" as their class name and for each element, depending on what the toggle is on (i.e. monthly or yearly) I change their display property. I can fix the code to make it not repetitive, but for now it's fine. I've been doing this project using TypeScript and some of my errors are a little confusing, but Google is a good resource.

Anyways, here's what I have so far. It ain't much, but it's honest work;

Art

Ok, I'm gonna do a bit of a ramble here. I've been replaying The Last of Us Part 2 throughout all of January and I finished it last week. It's still an emotionally heavy game, but it did the trick and motivated me to want to draw some fanart. I've been sketching random stuff in my sketchbook almost every day (not lately now that I'm sick but whatever), but there's one idea that I had that I kept on coming back to, and today I had enough energy to sit down, open up Photoshop, and just draw it. And oh man, that felt really good! I haven't drawn in Photoshop in a while because I've been forcing myself to use Procreate, but it's just not the same. I feel like PS allows me to draw with more control of my lines and details and such, and my image just looks sharper than on Procreate. So I actually managed to pump out a piece that looks pretty much how I imagined it would look, and I didn't get frustrated like I would on Procreate. I also recorded my process and was working on making it a speedpaint, but nearly 4 hours of raw footage was rough on my PC and it's already super late at night, so I'll finish up that process tmr. I love making speedpaints and watching them afterwards. At least that'll count for my days of productivity tmr.

[your-turn-to-role]

This is coming from a place of genuine confusion....but why does a sect of the fandom dislike Marisha so much?? Like, I haven't seen it for ANY of the other players. Is it a "wife/girlfriend of the DM" complex, because I've seen that before. Idk, I don't get it, and no amount of googling has made me understand lol.

yeahhhhhhh

okay, to preface, i absolutely disagree with all of the marisha hate, i think she's a great player and is really unfairly treated

but a couple reasons why this tends to be a thing:

1) just plain old regular misogyny, yeah. all the girls on cr get it to an extent, but it's stronger with marisha - the idea that dnd is inherently a man's game and therefore no woman could be good at it is pervasive even in this fandom, not outright, but in subtle things, like how people give the guys a lot more leeway to do dumb shit than the girls, and on dnd posts in the past i've seen comments like "this reads like how laura and marisha would describe dnd while their husbands facepalm in the background", which like... isn't really harmful on the surface, but i have a hard time imagining matt and especially travis ever facepalming at their wives genuine ideas? like if it's obviously meant to be something ridiculous and not taken seriously, sure, but otherwise, that subtle implication that they see travis as a better player than laura is just way off. (and matt has more dnd experience than marisha but like... she's still a very good player)

2) the keyleth instinct. so here's the thing about campaign one and the characters they chose to play - the majority of the cast played within their comfort zone. they branched out a lot for c2, and obviously they as people aren't identical to their vox machina counterparts, but they're not too far away either. liam's stated he irl would be a rogue, taliesin likes playing intelligent edgy teenage assholes bc he was one, laura is a bit more goofy than vex but she still thinks a lot the same, scanlan is very sam, travis is obviously a lot smarter than grog but he still fell very in line with the kind of character travis is comfortable playing and the things he wants to explore.

but marisha chose a character in campaign one who was completely the opposite of her natural self. marisha is confident and very take no shit and a natural leader, keyleth is awkward and shy and doubts herself and overthinks things and has really bad luck in basically everything she ever tries. and people watched campaign one and assumed all of those traits were just the way marisha was. if you aren't drawn to keyleth as a character, it's relatively easy to find ways to hate her (which again circles back to the misogyny a bit). they see keyleth constantly fuck up due to awkwardness and think "marisha doesn't know how to play the game". they see keyleth be a mess of a person socially and think "wow marisha's not a very good actor if she can't handle this", completely ignoring the fact that she is acting very well and it's proven by the fact that they think keyleth is marisha

(and while she still gets hate as either character, the keyleth hate was far worse than the beau hate)

3) people just, not getting what she's doing. i wasn't in the fandom for the early days of cr2, but i have friends who were, and they've said there were circles of the fandom where everything marisha did was in question, even people not believing beau was a lesbian when it's made obvious in episode one, because what if she's doing it on purpose as a scam? and like, to broaden that a bit, i think marisha's characters and their decisions get misread a lot. i personally happen to find both beau and keyleth very relatable, so i usually get where they're coming from (mostly, bowlgate i was more on caleb's side there, but i still don't think she deserves hate for it), but to people who don't, or just haven't put effort into trying to understand marisha's characters, then between keyleth's awkwardness and beau's abrasiveness i think the majority of what they pick up from marisha's characters is negative

which is a shame, because they're both really good, well thought out, interesting characters.

4) this is going into my own meta for a bit, but, something i've found about marisha's characters is they're quite down to earth and very easily the viewpoint character of the group, in a way? like obviously it's an ensemble cast, but like... let's take keyleth. campaign one starts and ends with her. the very first adventure is triggered by her leaving home for the first time, to start her aramente. she's led a sheltered life up to this point, she doesn't know the world she's walking into - so we learn about this fantasy world at the same time she does. she has the most linear and easy to follow development, her aramente spans most of the story, and once it's done things only get more centered on her. she's now a leader of her people, she's fulfilled her destiny, but that means she lives so long all her worst fears are coming true - that she'll have to spend the rest of her life alone. how did we learn this was her biggest fear? because she's been scared since the start of losing vax, but the reason she has him at all is she resolved to not let that fear control her. and then as the endgame comes in, she suddenly has to face that head on. vax has a week left to live. barely two days after, they run into sprigg - someone who lived so long after all his friends died that he's lost himself, forgotten them, become a hermit of a person who's just living because he's got nothing better to do - everything keyleth believes she will become, and fears so much. but he proves she can still choose to remember them, and choose to live in their absence, not just survive. keyleth is the one who seals away vecna, who's grown so much in her power since that little scared druid girl, she can banish a god. and our story ends with her, and her father, and a raven - she's moving on, she's living, she's thriving, but she'll never forget.

if i was gonna write out vox machina's story as a novel, there is no character who would better suit being the protagonist than her

it's a bit less strong with beau, but she's still one of the more relatable characters, she's a human, who had a rebellious teenage years because of shitty overbearing parents, she's not a magic user, she's from the country we start in (and doesn't have a dark dangerous mystical secret like caleb and veth), a lot of the big turning points in the story have had her take the lead, it's the relative mundanity that gives a contrast to and lifts up the others, while still being a highly interesting character in her own right. beau is a grounding force of the mighty nein.

i personally like those kinds of characters, but i've noticed in almost all fandoms with a main character and then a group of side characters, the main character is rarely anyone's fave, overlooked in favour more (subjectively) interesting side characters, but then because the story puts the focus on the main character, people get sick of them and start to hate them? and in this form of storytelling, there is no main character, but people sorta do that to those kinds of characters anyway. and in addition to all the other marisha stuff, that probably contributes

[peekychu]

hiii ray! we haven't talked in a while but i still get happy whenever i see you on my dash :D i hope you're doing well! it's pretty cool that you're more active on tumblr nowadays, i missed u :'3 if u want to use this ask as an excuse to rant about any hyperfixations or special interests that u have rn please feel free bc ive been super pumped about being neurodivergent all day and want to share that :D it's just been *thinks about my favorite characters having adhd* *thinks about my favorite ch

Warning! This got long, you DID say I could rant, but thought I’d let ya know xD

Hi Avery!!! Aw, I’m so glad my goofy posts can make ya happy, it’s nice to hear!!!

AND YEAAA relating to favorite characters is a super nice thing, I know what you mean!! ^o^ Seeing Undertale trending again recently for the anniversary made me nostalgic for all the self-indulgent headcanon art I used to draw of Alphys, haha!

I will say, it’s kind of weird because lately I haven’t had One Big All-Consuming interest like I usually did in the past (except for maybe Game Grumps and Ninja Sex Party which have still been staples for me xD), I’ve been trying to expand my horizons during quarantine and I’m starting a lot of new shows & games!!! I gotta give my partner tons of credit for introducing me to new things I never would have checked out on my own, without him I’d probably still be watching the same old Game Grumps compilations and nothing else, lol. It’s been AWESOME discovering new interests!

During lockdown I have:

- Watched all of the Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure anime and just finished part 6 of the manga! You don’t even know how hard I resisted getting into this series, but sometime around part 4 I got nearly as obsessed as bf xD Emphasis on nearly, hehe. But seriously, I love this series! I met some awesome new characters too! I really love some of the sillier characters like Narancia and Foo Fighters, but Jotaro has grown on me like a LOT!! I love this fella, especially in part 4. Joseph was the first person that made me interested in the show!

- Watched and read all of Beastars so far! Excited for season 2 to be animated! The manga is definitely all over the place, but still made for some really interesting friend discussions! 

- Started Hunter x Hunter 2011, as well as some of the 1999 episodes! It got to a SUUUPER slow point so I haven’t finished it, but people have been convincing me to stick with it for the Chimera Ant arc which is supposedly the best xD Mostly I just ADORE Gon and Killua’s dynamic, as well as their friends Kurapika and Leorio! I feel like the series is a little bit confusing and isn’t storytelling to its max potential, but I have some favorite bits for sure!

- Re-awakened a Spongebob obsession xD I got the game Battle for Bikini Bottom Rehydrated and beat it, SUCHHHH a good game!! It inspired me to watch a ton of old episodes (seasons 1-3 of course) which was very nostalgic and made me remember how genuinely hilarious of a cartoon it was.

- Played tons of Animal Crossing! I sort of burnt out on ACNH like most ppl stuck at home with a Switch, but I’m happy with my island (named Daffodil!) and the love I put into it! It served as some crucial escapism at the start of this wackiness, lol

- Beaten Mario Galaxy for the very first time!! This was a hyperfocus-y highlight for me, I beat the game in under 3 days and LOVED every second!! Mario Galaxy is such a delightful game!

- Started Majora’s Mask 3DS! My mom also got a copy so the two of us could play together! I ended up getting MUCH farther in the game than her since I’d played the first part a few times when I was younger, but I don’t know if I’ll ever beat it, haha. The 3DS remake made some changes from the original that bummed me out, so I’m taking a break until I’m inspired again :P Maybe I’ll just play through Ocarina of Time again?

- Played Fall Guys with my pals!! Honestly I’m craving this game again, maybe after typing this post I’ll play some, hehe.

- Started Pokemon Journeys (the anime) with bf!!!! I LOVE this show, I think it’s the best Pokemon anime yet! Lots of very cute Pikachu moments which is important to me, and lots of content that really takes full advantage of the Pokemon world!

- Got into Rock-Afire Explosion with bf! I feel weird talking so much about him on here since he doesn’t have a tumblr account and most likely doesn’t read these posts, but he’s been a huge part of my life :P Anyways, this guy is the Rock-Afire KING, it’s been a lot of fun listening to their (shockingly) good songs and seeing the project he’s been working on for it! I’ve grown a huge fondness for Billy Bob, he is a sweet boy with a sweet voice.

- Started Neon Genesis Evangelion! I’m actually super close to finishing this anime, it REALLY got cool and interesting! I’m glad about not being spoiled Too much despite seeing it everywhere online for most of my teenagehood, haha. One of the more serious things I’ve watched lately, but I find stories like this to be cathartic :P

- And arguably most importantly, Avatar the Last Airbender!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy MOLY! This is one of those things that ppl have been pressuring me to get into for Years, and now that I have, I wish I could go back in time and pester myself alongside my friends, haha! I binged a whole season’s worth on a sick day, I just really Really love every character, and the writing, and the worldbuildinG, it’s all fantastic and it’s all been said before xD I also caved and bought the entire collection of The Search and The Promise of the comic series!!! Just read the rest of it last night, I am in awe over how fantastic Avatar really is!! I think that alongside Jojo, Avatar has been a world that really helped me through the weirdness of these past months xD

I also have been thinking a lot about my furry characters, lol :P I’ve commissioned and drawn  so much art of my OCs, they just all make me so happy! Especially my fursona Twinkie of course, I feel so connected with this goofball cat! I want to maybe develop a comic for my characters and make a world for them, but all of my motivation is being dedicated to art classes :P

ANYWAYS!! Thanks for letting me ultra infodump, this became less of an interest-gush and more of a quarantine update xD I don’t love talking about the current situation because it’s All anyone talks about (I mean, I get why but yknow) but I’m really grateful that I found some inspiration and enjoyment in new things during my time at home!

[theangrypokemaniac]

I'll state from the beginning that the images below display the sort of sweet synchronicity to which only love can give life:

MaAndPaShipping is the best ship, and here are five reasons why:

1. It Made James

Like the boy do yer? Ever felt the slightest tingle of warmth at the mention of his name?

Well get down on yer knees and give thanks to his mother and father for gifting him to the world!

Where would we be without their remarkable commitment? Could James have grown into the dandified dream boat of your desires if deprived of the safety provided by his parents?

Had they not brought him up, he'd be dead, The Dog of Flanders fantasy made reality. If miraculously he survived, foraging in the wild is not conducive to a foppish personality.

Is that to yer fancy? No? Then let's have a little respect. The luxury Ma and Pa gave enabled his macaroni tendencies to reach such heights.

Their love created him! How can it not be celebrated?

You lot would ship Jessie's parents but you can't, because she has no dad, and I don't suppose you'll ever assent to his obvious identity of Windy Miller, although 'Jessie Miller' has a wonderful ring to it, so what can be done?

Should a Pa Jess be conjured for the purpose, he still buggered off, didn't he? Where's the allure in a faithless git?

I can't comprehend the obsession with Ma Jess. As soon as here she's stiff, and what is there to remember but coercing her daughter into eating snow?

Hey, I named her. What more do you want from me?

I'd rather have the living, visible ancestors, if you don't mind.

Yeah, says the history fanatic.

Why not make the most of the chances offered, and follow a devoted couple whose love made a difference to your existence?

2. Canon!

There are many ships which I find repulsive for involving depravity, or absurd as the subjects haven't met, or don't inhabit the same fictional universe.

Video et taceo: I see and I say nothing.

Neither does anyone. Forcing decent folk in to incest, bestiality etc. is quite alright.

Perverted ideas are left alone, but woe betide a Rocketshipper, because that's offensive.

It may be the only original ship left standing, with proper evidence and sanctioned by Nintendo, but no, it's fair game for undermining. People pick at your arguments, quibble constantly and NEED to register their objections NOW. You MUST be made aware of opposition. You're not to be permitted your views the way those with twisted tastes are indulged.

Why, out of tens of thousands of combinations, does making Jessie and James an item provoke hostility?

The strength of negativity actually serves as validation, for why be so concerned if it's an impossible relationship?

However sick they are, I'm not anti any ship. I can't muster sufficient interest to do it, and if I scroll on, I forget. I certainly don't attack those responsible.

Anti-Shipping is inherently nihilistic for promoting loneliness. They aren't against Rocketshipping through wanting Jessie and James to be with someone else, as an alternative is not readily available, so the outcome of it is neither finding a companion.

MaAndPaShipping attracts no sourpuss silliness, for 'tis canon beyond question. There's nothing about being 'just friends' when married with a son.

How's the state of your O.T.P.? Not looking too clever I expect, and what's your contribution: wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying?

Cast it off! None of that longing is necessary in these quarters, as MaAndPaShipping is a fait accompli.

Hallelujah! Wallow in that Love!

Don't you yearn for at least one ship that all of us accept by default, to the extent these aristocrats are spoken of as a single unit?

Across the internet, Ma and Pa are bracketed as 'James's parents', never 'he' and 'she', always 'they', barely counting as distinct characters. That's how undeniable the love is between them. Sheer indifference has awarded it a blessing from everyone.

MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Of course, now I've drawn attention to it the moaning will start, but we all know a spoilsport when we see one.

If they had any legitimate complaints they ought to have mentioned 'em before this piece highlighted the marriage!

Except it won't have occurred to 'em previously, proving the eternal, indissoluble quality of MaAndPaShipping.

You get good value with this one.

Find a post referring to Ma and Pa as individuals and I'll have written it, for that's what you call ironic.

3. It's a Fine Rocketshipping Proxy

I was at primary school when Pokémon hit the West like the bright, bearded meteor it is, atomizing all competition for a child's attention.

I have shipped Jessie and James before I knew anyone else did it, unaware shipping was even a thing.

There are other pairs where I think: 'That seems to fit', but it's incomparable to what I feel for them.

It is part of me. I bleed it.

I have shipped it longer than most Tumblerries have dwelt upon the earth.

I used to believe, what with the hints and manga finale, that this resolution was  inevitable, and all I had to do was wait.

Well I've been patient for two decades now, thus when I look at the modern incarnation, and realise it's no nearer to that goal, and instead is further away, waiting starts to wear a bit thin.

I resent the lack of appreciation shown to the fans by the cretins in charge, how any meagre shippy inclusion is done not with an interest in deepening bonds, but with the blatant cynicism of moulding us into performing monkeys dancing to their manipulative tune.

I dislike being treated like a sea lion, expected to clap me flippers at the wave of a fish, or as a panting dog begging at top table, where, because they're desperate to maintain the status quo, every scrap flung down from above now comes with an Anti-Ship kick in the teeth, just to be sure nothing progresses. Not whilst the franchise can still be milked for all it's worth.

I have lost faith Rocketshipping will happen. What passes for Pokémon today carries not the remotest indication of any intention on the so-called writers' part to finish it that way.

Even if it did, it's not my Team Rocket, it's those skeletal, gargoyle bastardisations. My Jessie and James never got the reward they deserved.

I'm somewhat in the market for a replacement. Beneath this loathsome carapace of acid and ice beats the tender heart of a true romantic, and it must have an outlet!

Shipping Ma and Pa provides a certain spurious relief, because it's as close as you can get to Jessie and James without it being them, both biologically as his parents, but they're so similar to the duo it counts as proof in itself.

Holy Matrimony! is prime Rocketshipping territory, not merely the balloon lift, but many slight additions are as important, like the haircuts matching.

Ma and Pa are therefore Jessie and James in the past, present and future:

The past for representing Jess 'n' Jamie gone Victorian, and we've all wondered how that'd turn out.

The present as it's there right now, absent of suffering the shameless whims of morons to get what you want. 'Tis yours to savour.

The future as a glimpse of Jessie and James once married with children, and they agree:

That's how they play it given the opportunity!

What, James in blue, for his and Pa's hair, and Jessie wearing purple, like Ma's, with a red shawl for her own, and Ma Jess's orange earrings to copy the beads?

• Money!

• Bun!

• 'Tache!

• Classy pad!

• Fancy gear!

• Pampered pet!

• Identical cups of Earl Grey!

4. Original Blend

Ma and Pa have only got two fans! We care more than the entire fandom has in twenty years!

Rocketshipping art is ten a penny, so why not display a pioneering spirit, sharpen up those pencils and be inspired?

Let your mind expand and marvel at the possibilities of these unchartered territories, and I'll reblog it if it's nice.

Pay attention to the condition of it being nice. I'm not putting up with any old toss.

Real Ma and Pa is what I want too, not those Sinnoh coffin-dodgers.

It's never been done! Every drawing breaks new ground!

I don't like fan fiction, but I wouldn't say 'no' to that either. Recall the 'nice' stipulation again.

Come on, be the first amongst your friends and get ship shape!

5. It Gives Us All Hope

Suppose your favourite amour one day became canon: you imagine that's the end of the matter?

Well it ain't.

Between Ash, Misty, Brock, Jessie, James, Gary and Tracey, there are three-and-a-half out of fourteen parents (Flint doesn't count as a complete man) and one out of twenty-eight grandparents, and that's not enough!

If the series drew to a close with your beloved couple apparently walking into the happily-ever-after, there's no guarantee it'll endure. In fact, the odds are they'll split up within a few years and leave another generation to fend for themselves or starve.

That's right, so don't presume the final episode is all you need to worry about. Can you rest easy knowing it'll go pear-shaped once the camera stops rolling?

It's futile soothing one's worries with:

Oh, but they know what it's like to be alone. They'd never inflict such stress on their children.

Oh really?

Look at that poor showing of grandparents. Either Pokémon has a system reminiscent of the sci-fi film Logan's Run, where everyone over thirty is vapourized, or these disappearing maters and paters were themselves victims of abandonment.

I bet when they settled down, they thought it'd be different for their kids, they'd make sure of it, but no, off they went down that same route of feckless self-indulgence, and that's being kind assuming they intended not to repeat history.

Depressing eh? What's the good in any of us surrendering to romance, real or otherwise, if love is but a mayfly of emotion, and all dreams are doomed to die?

Then Ma and Pa arrive, and suddenly the storm clouds part for a ray of heavenly light.

It's not only that they made the effort in what was probably an arranged marriage and have stayed together from youth, it's that they've stayed together when no one else has, which augments its value.

When separation is commonplace, sticking it out becomes rarer and rarer as any belief in the sanctity of wedlock erodes with every failure.

If they didn't bother, why should I? What's the use when it won't work?

Once that idea enters your head, it's over, and your gloom-laden attitude fulfils itself.

Society is collapsing about Ma and Pa's ears, but they persevere nevertheless, refusing to buckle under the turgid malaise engulfing the arrogant and weak.

It's bloody beautiful, man!

You may suggest an environment of supreme wealth erases normality, and to their class and time period divorce is still taboo, so they don't really have much of choice but to remain wedded.

Ah, but it's not as if they simply tolerate one another for appearances, or carried on for the sake of their son (which is more than anyone else did besides), not when he walked out on them.

They've been married longer than James has lived, so at least eighteen years (don't all squeal at once), and they're still blissfully contented!

They hold hands!

They use terms of endearment like 'dear' and 'my precious'!

They were made for one another!

They work as a team!

They want the same thing for James!

It could bring a stone angel to tears it's so beautiful!

See what success can be achieved when you try? When you endeavour to love the one you're with and make yourself worth loving in return?

Better that than chucking 'em at the first sign of trouble.

Ma and Pa is such an irrevocable union even the despair of losing their only child failed to tear 'em asunder, and that'd defeat many, but not this husband and wife.

Be grateful, for it means all is not in vain.

It doesn't have to be misery and pain: love can last despite the pressure of a wretched, hollow culture bent on self-destruction. Your ship might just succeed too.

God bless 'em for keeping the magic alive!

...

Why do I have the presentiment that I'm going to regret encouraging support?

[jamiebluewind]

Thank You

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being kind. I know some of you must be... annoyed that I haven't been sharing anything lately (I have too if I'm being honest), but nobody has thrown any hate at me for it and for that, I'm grateful.

I've been resting up since I got out of the hospital, a fact that has been driving me crazy if I'm being honest. Only so many hours in a day and I'm spending so many of um in the bed (doesn't help that dad fussed at me for it)! Then I tell myself that if one of you were in the same position, I'd be fussing your ear off for thinking such a thing and trying to get you to rest, so I'm trying to give myself the same courtesy.

I'm... hesitant to share what went wrong, not for embarrassment but because I don't want yall to worry. Then I realized that this post has probably already make you think far worse, so here goes...

WARNING: Blood mention, illness, body function mention, pain, menstruation, confusion, dehydration, (please tell me if I missed any!)

I got an IUD put in. I didn't want it, but my periods are bad and my insurance wouldn't cover just removing the parts before trying this first. It caused a lot of pain due to having nothing for pain, the person putting it in not knowing what they were doing, and them using silver nitrate without rinsing it off which gave me chemical burns on my cervix. I stayed in pain and they responded saying to take a tylenol and I'd eventually be fine. During this time, I bled constantly. Not a lot, but some. I also had my normal periods to deal with. I found out it was even effecting my mood and making me tired (hormones, constant cramping, or both, you be the judge). Two months in, I wanted it out. They said I just needed to tough it out and I would be fine by 6 months. I'm pretty sure my face did a thing that symotaniously screamed confusion and "fuck you", but I did as I was told.

In the meantime (during December and even now), my heater thermostat started doing something weird. I set the temp, but it would let it get down to like 55° F (12.7° C) at night when it was set on like 68 (20° C). During the day, it would get about 10° F warmer than what it was set (so like 78° F or 26° C). It was kicking on, but not regulating it how it was supposed to. I told my landlady, but they take for-freaking-ever! So out comes an electric blanket to keep me warm at night. I basically lived under the thing after the sun set! I just kept it on one or two so I wouldn't get too warm. I was also feeling crapy (*gestures to previous paragraph*), which meant more bed time than normal.

A few days before Christmas, I got a shot that was supposed to last a month and help block a nerve that causes migraines. I have debilitating hemiplegic migraines and the risk was very low, so I decided to give it a shot. The medication is very new and due to my rare form of migraine reacting atypically to medications, you would think I would know by now not to try medications that haven't been out long.

The fourth and final domino in all this was all the running due to the holiday season. I'm disabled and I have a weak immune system, but I kept pushing myself. I walked so much price shopping for things for everyone that would both mean something and not break budget (even when me left leg wanted to nope out) because Dad gave me a bit of money last minute to help me buy gifts and I only had a week. I wrapped gifts for dad and myself. I cleaned and did some baking. Then there was the driving and the great but exhausting time with family and playing catch with my youngest nephew until my arm was nearly falling off. When I eventually got back home, my whole body had this bone deep ache. Not like overworking muscles after not using them for a long time, but like I had the flu. This is on top of the cramping.

*Note: Some of the information past this point is things the medical staff told me happened, things my dad said happened, and texts*

I would get better and worse. Always worse when I first woke up (remember the blanket?). I went to dad's for a traditional southern New Year's meal. He said I was spacey, lethargic, and far more quiet than normal. My eyes had trouble focusing and I had trouble concentrating. I looked tired so, he made me sleep before driving home. I woke up about 3 am, drank a glass of water, drove home, wrote a post about it (which took entirely too long for me to write), and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and just... laid there. I was having trouble figuring out where my body was. It just felt numbed somehow. I called my neurologist thinking it was a side effect the the drug. I'm not sure what I said, but they made me go to the ER.

I'm not sure how I drove there to be honest. I do remember somebody honking. I'm glad it was close, but still. It's a wonder I didn't get in a wreck!

I don't remember much. A yellow floor sign. A woman writing with a marker. Another woman with brown drawn on eyebrows. A machine that had a small piece of that brown first aid tape stuck to it. A name that made me think of the green emoji face (which my normal brain has yet to figure out). I had trouble talking and thinking. I remember repeating "stay still" over and over the (I think it was) several times I was instructed to, because if I didn't, I'd forget. I'm pretty sure I left my room several times. I know I went to my car once. I remember eating food, but I only recall a pineapple cup because I realized partway that I had a spoon that I could use. I kept forgetting to tell them I was hurting when they asked. I had a headache and sick stomach. I also felt so cold and my feet were like ice, but I was running a low grade fever after all.

I started feeling a little better, but the doctor still admitted me. I had a white count, but they couldn't figure out from where. I messaged a few people to let them know what was going on finding typing easier than talking. I used that to my advantage and typed out my allergies to show a nurse.

They struggled getting the IV in, even on my hand. When it finally was in I was hooked up to fluids to keep it open. More blood taken to try and figure out what was wrong. I gave them what urine sample I could which was tinted (I couldn't help it). They had already done some type of brain scan (but I didn't remember it). I kept having minor dizzy spells, but I attributed it too all the blood they took.

They kept giving me stuff, but nothing helped my headache. It wasn't a migraine, but still very nasty. I was grateful when something finally seemed to help.

My nurse came back with lots of juice to go with my super so I'd have something to drink and a container of ice water. She was new to the hospital and hung around at times just checking on me and talking. Just a nice person. It was otherwise a lot of sleeping.

The longer I stayed, the easier it was to communicate, but the tests couldn't figure out why. They ruled out seizures and a stroke. A mini stroke was highly unlikely and didn't fit. They couldn't find an infection anywhere. My white count went back to normal. They couldn't figure it out.

That was until my nurse from the previous day came back. We just talked about general things until I made a joke about the urine sample from the day before. She asked if it was clean catch and I said yes, but just barely. That ended up causing questions and her checking charts. Turns out that despite being there since the morning before, I had peed twice (with the last time hours before). She pressed on my bladder which wasn't distended. 3 bags of fluid, 3 meals (2 of which I know I ate all of), plus whatever I drank. I had been dehydrated to the point that it had caused my white count to go up and was the reason behind my confusion, lethargy, dizziness, headache, nausea, and low urine output. I was pretty surprised. I was released before lunch.

Pushing past my limits, minor medication side effects (including one long term med), staying under an electric blanket too much to stay warm (combined with exhaustion which meant longer in bed and less time awake to drink water), and pain and constant bleeding due to my IUD... all those things combined causing it to happen. I'm still... oof. Still tired. Still weak. Still recovering. Sleeping so much that the days fly by. Drinking lots of water. And otherwise doing just fine (save for my sleep schedule going to shit again). I still love my electric blanket; it's just been temporary retired until I can get myself rehydrated again. That means my other blankets are out of the vacuum bags and piled up to keep me warm ^_^

Speaking of warm, I have my very own love bug/velcro/snuggle buddy Danny who has been on me like white on rice since I got home. He's a good boy

[redpapercranes]

85 Days Left of 2021.. What I've learned so far.

12:20PM Friday, October 8, 2021

Hello Tumblr,

So I've been trying to become "That Girl" or maybe I should say "That Woman" this past week. I can't say I've fully succeeded and made all the changes I would like, but I've definitely did better myself overall and will continue to do so.

I've been keeping my area tidy. It's not like anyone will ever see my hard work of maintaining a clean area but its the consistency that is not broadcasted that gives a person character. In addition to cleaning, I've successfully meal prepped my dinner for the entire week. It may not be the most healthiest meal, but I did receive compliments from my co workers every time I reheated my food. I'm also glad it helped me save some money. Thanksgiving meal, I'll revisit you when the holiday comes around.

I've been waking up early as well. Not very consistent but it's a start. The cough has been such a nuisance towards my progress. With that being said, several doctors appointments have been scheduled. This Wednesday I went to my new primary, got a physical and drawn up some additional bloodwork. He sounds like a promising doctor... we shall see since I will have an addition telehealth appointment to review my results with him next week. The week following I'm going to see my OBGYN to further discuss everything down there. I haven't seen her in a while, which means pap smear. The last thing I have to do is schedule a dentist appointment.

Besides doctors appointments, receiving my flu shot, and getting sick... I've been walking outdoors since I can't really go to the gym. I've been walking 3miles a day or been doing yoga. I would either listen to a podcast and switch it up to listening to some of my favorite jams. The podcast I'm currently listening to is the Hubermanlab. There was an episode that talks about dopamine levels; I've probably will have to re-listen to it carefully but it discusses how relying on addition resources to enhance our dopamine levels may be hinderance instead of benefit. These "enhancers" such as music, sex, Adderall, energy drinks or even working out can drop our baseline level for dopamine. Caffeine in coffee which is known to be dopamine stimulate is much safer in moderation since it allows the increase formation of g coupling receptors. Again, the information in this podcast is taken with a little grain of salt. I myself am curious on this study and have taken the information into consideration. So today during my walk, I decided to listen to music and a podcast for a bit, but towards the end I gave myself a break from listening to anything and just listen to the sound around me. Why do this? So then I can allow myself to enjoy the act of exercising without depending heavily on music.

This past week I've decreased the amount I've spent on my phone. Been refocusing that time on other things. Like making my bed, cleaning my room, practicing self love, etc... I've been practicing a lot of self love... this includes mindful eating, painting my nails, applying lotion, doing my skin care routine, shaving all areas ;), and attempting to drink more water. Self love... Self care.

Lastly, I've been studying here and there but I still haven't formulated a consistent schedule. I'm hoping next week, I can commit to studying more. Progress is progress, but I don't want leave any excuses and still would like to improve. So here are things I would still like to work on. 1. Drinking more water this coming week. 2. Taking my vitamins daily. 3. Formulating an entire week schedule and committing to it. 4. Exercising daily if not vigorously for 3/5 working days. 5. Read a chapter of a book. 6. Completing 4 Chapters of a MCAT book 7. 3 consecutive days of Anki Review 8. Make a list of my expenses. 9. Write out my two weeks 10. Treat others with kindness.

I would like to add how much I love and care for Nicholas. As always I hope I make him proud. I love you.

I just want to be a better person and end this year with a better version of myself. Depression, PTSD and Anxiety are things I battle with strongly. I'd like to take control of things that I can in life and for the things I am unable to control be able to handle with grace and integrity.

I am who I am.

With Great Love

-M

[blogs-a-clusterfuck]

All of the numbers you haven't done

. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Good morning 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?I'm dating her3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Depends. Weed no, other drugs yes I would care.4. Is your last name longer than six letters?No its 5.5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Sober.6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yeahhhhhh..7. What does your last received text say?Okay lol 💕8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?A lot she is my gf after all.9. Where was your last kiss at?Probably school??? After rehearsal???10. When is the last time you saw your sister?Literally like 2 seconds ago, she just came in my room.11. What do you drink in the morning?Usually nothing but water is I need it. I'm not a morning person.12. Where did you sleep last night?My bed13. Do you think relationships are hard?Depends. The one I'm in I think is pretty easy, but if you are giving everything and the other person isn't it can be hard.14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Maybe? I'm not sure though.15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Nope.16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy I think.17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?Yeah a lot of people have my middle name.18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?None? I'm not wearing any pants.19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?I like to think so, but knowing me I'm not sure I'll probably fuck something up lmao 😂 20. Does anyone like you?Yeah. My friends, my gf 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?No?22. Is the last person you kissed gay?She's pan23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?YESSSS24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?YES PLEASE I HAVE THEM ALL PLANNED AND DRAWN.25. In the past week have you cried?So so so much.26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Honestly I have no idea.27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?I get out of the shower and dry up in my room.28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Nope29. Do you think you’re old?Ehh no but now I'm adult so like I'd rather be younger.30. Do you like text messaging?Yes and no. Sometimes I get sick of it but I'm usually fine with it.31. What type of day are you having?It's only 8am so idk but I'm waiting to get yelled at and I found out I go to work at 5 not 3.32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?Yeah I really want to get it pierced 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?Cold? I can layer clothes and stay warm that way.34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?Yes there is. He's been with me through everything 💕35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Relationship.36. Are you a simple or complicated person?Idk. 37. What song are you listening to?Hysteria by Def Leppard 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Absolutely. I apologize so much but I always mean it.39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?She knows a lot about me, I can't say everything but she knows a lot.40. What made you start liking the person you like now?She knows how to make me feel better in times where I can't. She's really a sweetheart and me and her can just fuck around and act like idiots and have fun.41. When did you last receive a text message?Last night.42. What is wrong with you right now?Nothing really right now. I do wish I was still sleeping though.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?I know her pretty well44. Does anyone disgust you?Yeahhhhh45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?No unless my gf was asking me again😂46. Are you in a good mood right now?Eh not a morning person so I'm okay.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?My sister.48. What color shirt are you wearing?Beige.49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?I mean kinda but not really??61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Yes. Idk how I feel about ghosts though. Like maybe they are real. Maybe not.62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?I've done it before so yeah.63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?No but we had just started talking.64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Yeah that's cool bro.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I mean my girlfriend is always really cute so yes.66. How old are the last three people you kissed?17, 17, 17 all 3 of them are 17 😂😂😂😂67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Pay someone.68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Neither 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? I do not own a vehicle 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Either is fine by me.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone!72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Not in a few months tbh.73. Do you like diet soda? Yeah I prefer some diet soda over a couple regular ones 74. What color are the walls in your room? Blue75. Are you 16 or older? Yes I'm 1876. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? Not anymore, I stopped after like season 677. Do you have a job? Yeah 78. What are your initials? RLS79. Did you ever have braces? I just recently got them off80. Are you from the south? Unless you mean South Providence no 😂😂 81. What does your last status on facebook say? I don't know honestly82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? No I don't talk to her83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Mom but I don't see her much honestly 84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Cheerleading 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? Beauty and the beast 86. Do you smoke? Cigarettes no, weed yeah.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels 88. Is your phone touch screen? Yeah89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Natural so it's wavy but more straight90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? Yes91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Depends on how clean the river or lake is 92. Have you ever made out in a car? Yeah93. …Had sex in a car? No94. Are you single or in a relationship? In a relationship 95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Watching YouTube videos96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? Shit. I don't know.97. Do you like the camera on your phone? I use my Snapchat camera 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? No99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? Yeahhhh100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Yeah101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? No102. Name your favorite Kesha song: DINOSAUR103. Do you have any tan lines right now? no, I don't tan easily.104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? Idk maybe? Maybe not?