#i got prom on Thursday so if its not done before then

[snailfen]

sorry for no ruff&ruff on sunday! so here since @spotsupstuff made a good point

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Hi, today sucked, lemme tell you all the reasons it sucked in chronological order

I woke up at 1 am and read for a while. I did not get back to bed until 5 am.

I woke up approximately 15 minutes before I had to be out the door, so despite my planning to take a shower and wear a Victorian esc clothing today (for throwback Thursday, dumb school thing) I couldn't.

I didn't eat last night, so for the first time this semester I got breakfast from the cafeteria and it was not good.

We were practicing hand and arm massages in class for state board and wow, I fucking hated the smell, feeling and all around company of the lotion we were using.

I didn't charge my phone last night so I had my phone (and laptop) plugged in for my last two periods of school.

It was warm enough that I didn't need my jacket (a comfort item) so I took it off and put it over my backpack. It fell on the dirty bus floor while I was napping through the half hour bus ride.

My laptop wasn't plugged in properly so it was nearly dead when I got home.

Dad said we were going to the library to file my taxes. Okay, gotcha, I won't change into my home clothes, I'll just switch my binder out for a bra.

My sheets were dirty and I didn't want to lay in my gross bed with clean clothes on so I stripped my mattress and brought the sheets downstairs, where I find the washing machine on a self cleaning cycle. It was at 0, but I guess that's not done?

I notice that my little siblings who had lice for a couple days have put clothes in the laundry basket downstairs, which has my prom dress in it. Prom is on Saturday and I am literally too afraid to dig through their shit to find the dress.

I return to my room and work on chapter two of a story, but it's getting late and my dad hasn't called me out to the van yet.

I only learn my dad is home when he sends a picture of dinner to the gc. I leave my room to ask when we're doing taxes; he tells me he's eating and that I should eat too.

Twenty minutes later (like 7:50 pm at this point), we finally start my fucking taxes.

Very long annoying process, to learn that state taxes should not be filed through this site for me. It worked just fine for my sibling. I ask dad if we can do it tomorrow and he says taxes are due in four days. Whatever.

We go to a different site to file my state taxes where I try to register twice and it denies me both times for my laptop having a VPN. I do not control that; it's my school laptop and it didn't even process that's what the issue was for like 10 minutes.

Dad tells me to go to bed. He's tired. That's when I'm allowed to go to bed, when he's tired.

I return to my room and realise my sheets have never been put in the wash, and I can't sleep without a blanket. And for obvious reasons, I only trust that one blanket right now.

I shove it in the wash for a half hour load, but it doesn't fucking matter because my sister's shit is in the dryer at 45 minutes. She doesn't have an empty basket in the bathroom to put the dry stuff into should it finish and someone else needs to. Her shit is going on the floor in about 20 minutes.

I'm laying on my bed, very cold, just waiting for the fucking wash to be done so I can go to sleep. Except, I know it won't be because my sheets take like two hours to dry at high heat, which also means I won't have my comfort jacket for tomorrow.

I just want to go to sleep and can't because I'm stressing over the idea of going to school in not my comfort jacket.

Honorable mentions: My cosmetology textbook has really misleading information regarding synthetic wigs and its pissing me off. I was supposed to go to Walmart today so I could get breakfast for tomorrow. We had a test in English that gave me a lot of anxiety.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

April 13, 2024

I knowwwww I haven't been writing 🙃

Ok Thursday night: Sughedys straightened my hair for a good 90 minutes and then knotted it up in a hair net and bandana. I was under strict instructions to not get sweaty between 10 pm Thursday night and noon on Friday. Impossible? Really enjoyed sitting there while she played with my hair. Felt like a little girl.

Yesterday was one of my favorite birthdays Ive ever had and I think it was because I went into it with such low expectations. I received an insane amount of gifts from my family. A new necklace for the party, a pair of pants, a sun hat, a new bag (all which I now have to figure out how to pack). Dena came over bright and early with my favorite coconut water and chocolates 😊 I can't explain what it was like receiving so many cards, handmade bracelets, and little trinkets from trainees who were working with whatever they had. I feel so lucky that my birthday was during PST and I got to celebrate with everyone before shipping out. Caitlin gave me a book and a postcard from New Hampshire and that made me cry. So for the morning I didn't do much of anything (couldn't get sweaty). I bought a pineapple and shared it with some people on my porch. Then. At noon it was time to get beautiful. Elianis helped me do my makeup, sughedys took my hair out of it's holdings, and I changed into my new dress. It was CRAZY putting makeup on, also it was so hot so really only eye makeup and lipstick because I was sweating so much. Yesterday afternoon felt like getting ready for prom with Audrey and Caitlin. We were singing to music, taking pictures at each of our houses, and we think the women were more excited than we were. Once we were all done we walked into the center of town for the despedida. The despedida is just a farewell party for all the volunteers and their families. Not gonna lie, having a party throw on my birthday was kinda amazing. Everyone made it such a big deal and I was looking more fancy than most. The despedida was fun, albeit bittersweet. Caitlin, Audrey, Elianis, Crisyei, and I all did the macarena in front of everyone.

After the despedida we continued the birthday festivities at my house. Liv, Sam, Audrey, Caitlin, and Carlo all came over and we played old playlists from highschool while drinking gree apple vodka out of a water bottle. The running joke is that it was actually my 17th birthday because everything in the training community feels like being in highschool again. We danced and sang and all ate cake afterwards. My mom asked if I wanted to invite more trainees and when I said no she laughed really hard. Then I called Chloe which was a MISTAKE because then I got really sad that she wasn't there too. I was sitting with these 5 people who are so amazing and two months ago I didn't know them and now I couldn't picture my life without them but it still felt like chlo was missing from the equation.

All around, an incredible birthday, I feel so loved and it was fun to dress up even if it was a little ridiculous.

Today: championship baseball game!

Audrey, Caitlin, and I all went into Chorerra with our family to watch my brother, Elian, play at the championship baseball game. Its a new stadium for the major league but for the championship game they got to play there. He was SO excited when he found out we were coming. Olivia and Sam met us there. Elian is OBSESSED with Sam so you could just see him glowing that we all showed up with his whole family. We all got super into the game...for the first 2 hours and then we were wondering why the fuck the coach hadn't put Elian in once. Elian is so good at baseball he's been asked to play on an elite team during the season, and during today's game he was not put on the field once....I asked my family and they were livid. They've had issues with the director in the past and the vibe is he's resentful of Elian and the other player who have been asked to join this elite team. Obviously I don't know the whole story but he's a child and whatever your issue is, don't take it out on him. They brutally lost the game and when we got home elian was crying because he was so embarrassed that all of us came and he didn't play. I'm still so upset about it, not that I didn't see him play, I see him play everyday, but that he was caught in the crossfire's of adults.

After the game Liv, Caitlin, Sam, Audrey and I went out for birthday margs and lemme tell you, Passion fruit margs??? They go down real smooth, especially with some extra shots. So then Audrey and I went grocery shopping...bad idea. Put me in the American grocery store while drunk, yikes. I asked Audrey if I should get the peanut butter m&M's, the sour candy, the Milano dark chocolate cookies, or the extra cheddar goldfish and she said "it was your birthday yesterday....all of them?" So that was all the convincing I needed.

Then tonight was sam's mom's birthday so I went to her party because it's our last like real night here. After some more beer and wine I ended up on top of my usual hill looking at the stars.

Not sure if you've noticed but I use some combination of Audrey, Carlo, Caitlin, Liv, and Sam in every sentence. (I miss Ahmet daily, we facetimed him for my birthday party) I'm going to be gutted and I'm one of the lucky ones, I'm keeping two out of the 5 of them. After Wednesday, guaranteed no seeing them for 3 months. It's been the craziest codependency for the last 10 weeks, followed by isolation for the next 2 years. All five of them made yesterday one of the best birthdays Ive had and I'm just going to know them for the rest of my life.

Fittingly, on my last day in the states I was up until 3 am writing a blog post. Much like I am right now on my (2nd to) last night in Los Mortales. Tomorrow is packing and saying goodbye to everyone. Pictures to follow

[dangerousstrawberryshark]

“You Should’ve Said Yes.”

where I got the image: https://giphy.com/gifs/ZazLVJ8sCxk4Udv271/html5

Is this a good image?

Yandere Chris Hemsworth x Loner Male Reader.

Warning: Violence, kidnapping, death of many lives, stalking, touching someone in their sleep 

Requested from No one

Background: Your name is M/n L/n, and you’re a loner. But not a complete loner, you did have friends, but some of them have gone missing. Chris Hemsworth, your stereotypical jock, and popular guy, and likes to tease you. You thought he was normal until he pulls you away from everyone else. He asked you out to prom but you rejected his offer and walked away. But little did you know that your decision has determined the fate of everyone at that school. 

M/N: Male Name

L/N: Last Name

H/C: Hair Color

E/C: Eye Color

S/C: Skin Color

Y/H: Your Height 

B/F: Best Friend

H/S/N: High School Name

R/G/N: Random Girl Name

By the way, you are 17 and Chris Hemsworth is 18

Sorry if this is bad. 

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MINORS DNI. FEMALE READERS… I’LL ALLOW YOU TO READ MY FICS BUT DO NOT FETISHIZE ANY OF MY STORIES

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DISCLAIMER: I MEAN NO OFFENSE, DISRESPECT, OR HARM TO ANY OF THESE CELEBRITIES! THIS IS JUST FICTION.

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You were walking down the hallway just hoping that you won’t run into someone. You got to your locker and tried to put the combination so it can open. After struggling for a few minutes you were able to finally get it opened. ‘Stupid locker,’ you thought to yourself annoyed. You hoped that it would be quiet but then you heard it. 

You heard the screams of females. You already know who had arrived. Chris Hemsworth. He was the stereotypical jock and the most popular guy at school. Everybody loved him, even some guys liked him. He has the looks, the body, the money, and the height. 

He was basically every girl’s dream guy. The screams got louder as he approached you, and you could hear what they were saying.

You heard some of the following: “Ahh Chris please take me!”, “Please date me! I’ll a better girlfriend!”, or “Please take me to prom!” that’s right prom was coming up and you know everybody is trying to ask out Chris, but for some reason, he just rejected all of them.

You noticed that he was looking at you and you began to go into a frenzy. You tried to get everything you need and walk away but God wasn’t on your side and Chris shut your locker closed and trapping you between his big biceps.

Everybody was looking at you and the girls looked at you with jealousy. He just looked at you before grabbing your arm and dragging you away. You, of course, struggled to try and get out of his grip but he just wouldn’t let you go. And either way, he was way stronger than you. 

(Those biceps tho)

He dragged you away into a secluded area. He then pinned you against the wall. Your height was nothing compared to his height of being over 6 feet tall. He just stared at you before speaking. He finally spoke and he said it, something you thought he would never say to you. 

“Do you want to go to prom with me?” he said, it sounds more like a demand than kindly. You just stand there shocked at what he said. “Yes or no?!” he was getting angrier as you couldn’t decide. You finally responded, “No.” Chris just looked at you with disbelief. His hands fell to his sides. You took that opportunity to run. 

‘He rejected me?! Reject me!! Why would he reject me! I Have everything!’ Chris was fuming with anger as he clutching his fists. Chris was a bit psychotic. ‘You should’ve said yes.’ Chris thought to himself, smiling crazily.

CUTBACK TO YOU. 

You were able to escape his grasp and make your way to your first period. You arrived and took your seat by the window, you heard someone pulled the chair next to you. You look and it was your B/F and some of your other friends. 

“Hey, you okay? Chris dragged away and who knows what he could’ve done to you!” they asked worriedly because Chris was someone you shouldn’t mess with. 

“He asked me out to prom--- and I said no?” you replied after pausing on the no part. Your friends looked at you with shock, “You did what now?!” your B/f  screamed, getting the attention of everyone. 

“Can you keep it down!” you said with embarrassment as everyone looking in your direction. “Sorry, but he asked you out? Why would you say no?” your B/F question and your other friends agreed, “I rejected him because he’s too full of himself and he has a big ego. And either way how much damage can he do?” your friends didn’t question you further. 

Just then Chris walked and the girls began crowding around him. He told them to leave him alone, and they walked back to their seats. You, of course, ignored him and did your own thing, but Chris was just staring at you and it made you feel uncomfortable.

‘He’s so cute, his beautiful H/C, his smooth S/C, he must put lotion to make it soft. Oh, I wish I could just touch him again! I don’t like how his friends are close to him, I want to be the one that’s close to him! But my ego won’t let me do that. Don’t worry M/N soon me and you will be together whether you like it or not!’

Time Skip (TO GYM CLASS. How else hates gym?)

My friends and I arrived at the gym. The doors to the gym automatically opened. Did I forget to mention that the school enabled automatic doors because sometimes students would skip class and just open the doors to the gym. They got it because the door would close once the bell rings. 

Anyway, M/n arrived with his friends, and they see that everyone is preparing the gym for prom. You helped around with the preparations until you fell someone’s gaze on you, you turned around scanning the room but you didn’t see anyone looking at you. 

Until you noticed Chris in the corner flirting with the girls, you just shrugged your shoulders and went back to work.

Time skip to the end of the day

You said goodbye to my friends and began my walk home. As you were walking you could feel someone staring, it was like a sixth sense of yours. You looked around and saw nobody, only a few kids from your school walking in the same direction but none of them was looking at you. 

You farther away, and you could still sense the presence of someone behind you. You finally arrived home, and you quickly locked all doors and windows in the house so that nobody can get in. 

You laid down on your bed after taking everything. You fell asleep fast. Through the window, Chris was just staring at you like he always does sometimes he’ll unlock the lock, and touch you in your sleep. 

Time Skip to Friday morning, 6:00 AM

Your alarm clock went off signaling that its morning. You could see the sun’s rays through the curtains. You stared at the ceiling for a good 5 minutes before actually getting up. 

You did your daily routine and went downstairs to make breakfast. After you made it, you took your food and went to go watch TV. But then the news came on.

You didn’t pay much attention until. “Reports show a student from H/S/N brutally murder. The following image is graphic and contains violence so if you have children please turn them away.” it then flashed to the dead body of…

Your B/F. you were shocked then you felt tears pour out. Your long-time best friend was dead. You decided to miss that day.

For the next few days, your friends began disappearing one by one. The police didn’t know who was doing this. 

It was Thursday and tomorrow will be Prom night. Apparently, at your school, you’re required to attend prom. (for plot reasons) It was the end of the school day. And you were about to start walking home until Chris walked in front of you and said:

“Hey, M/n you should be careful while walking. I heard your friends have gone missing these days and because… I know we don’t have a good history together but of course, I still care about you. So stay safe.” and then he just walked away. You stand there confused about what he just said but you just shrugged it off. 

Time Skip (Friday, Prom night)

You entered the gym and just stand there while everyone else was dancing, drinking, and talking to their friends. ‘I don’t wanna be here! I just wanna go home.’ the dance continued then they will prom king and queen. 

‘I wish my friends were here.’ tears were threatening to pour out but you held it in. Then the principal came on the microphone to announce prom king and queen. ‘Good evening everyone, I hope your all having a good time. We’ll be announcing prom king and queen!” everybody started clapping and cheering. 

You already know who the prom king will be. “Prom king goes to-- Chris Hemsworth!” the principal said with everybody clapping and congratulating for his win. “And prom queen is R/G/N!” everybody again started clapping. Both Chris and R/G/N went onto the stage so they receive their crowns and start to slow dance.

Everything was normal until the lights turned red and the automatic doors closed shut. Everybody was confused about what was going on. Just then a spotlight that was installed at the top of the gym fell and landed right onto R/G/N. Her blood spattered on everyone close to the setup stage. 

This soon turns everyone into a panic. Tables were knocked down, everybody was crowding at the doors trying to get out. Then the water sprinklers went off and then all the spotlights fell from the ceiling igniting a fire. 

Now everyone was in a complete frenzy. All around you all you could was fire, some were on fire. Then you passed out from the smoke filling the room.

Time skip (3:00 AM)

You woke and you see that you were tied to the bed in someone’s room. You know it isn’t your room then the TV turned on. It was the news. “What was a night of enjoyment turned horrible real quick. I am right in front of H/S/N or what’s left of it, during the prom dance a fire broke out and the automatic doors closed instantly trapping everyone inside. But this young man, Chris Hemsworth, was able to open the door. Even it was open 200 students have lost their live--”

Then the TV turned off and the door. There you see Chris at the doorway, he began to walk closer to you. Then he spoke, “You’re so beautiful, I finally have you all to myself.” he was also touching you.

You are left shock at what was happening, so many questions began circling in your head, “Did he do this?” “Does he like me?!” “was he the one that killed my friends?!”

“If you’re wondering then yes I was the one who did all of this. I was the one you killed all of your friends, and yes I do like you. I like you ever since I first saw you. Now your mine”

You just stared at him soaking in all of this new information before lashing out at him. “Why did you this?! Why did you kill my friends?! Was it you that killed almost everyone at pro-” you were cut off by Chris pressing his lips against yours. He kissed you a few minutes before pulling to let you breathe.

“Why? Will, maybe you should’ve said yes to me. And none of this would have happened. Your friends will still be alive and everyone that died on prom night would still be alive…

But that doesn’t matter now, they’ve died and you’re with me forever. You belong to me and won’t ever let you go.” you passed out from drama and you heard this last thing before darkness consumed you. 

“You should’ve said yes.”

Did I use, “You should’ve said yes?” too many times? And did you get the movie reference I used? Comment on what reference I used.

[thedumpsterqueen]

Standards of Performance, Chapter 8: Heartbreak and Lattes

From the Beginning,  Previous Chapter

AO3 Link

Only announcement for this week: I've started a new job, and my schedule is such that a weekly update is unlikely without the quality being verrrry questionable. Therefore, I've decided to move off a set schedule, but I PROMISE I will update at least twice a month. Thank you for your patience and understanding; I know a set schedule is preferable but I wanna make sure this doesn't go to shit. Also... apparently this isn’t showing up in the tags I use, which sucks - so reblogs help a lot if you’re able. I love you guys <3

Summary: You’re the BAU’s newest intern, desperate to prove yourself amongst an established team of much more experienced profilers. Agent Hotchner, the seemingly infallible team leader, sets strict expectations for your performance. He commands your respect without even trying, but is there something more to your relationship than a simple desire to impress your stony-faced boss?

Chapter Summary:  In which decisions are made and overturned and many cups of coffee are drunk.

Words: 2666

Rating: Explicit, 18+. Warnings on AO3.

Pairings: Hotch x Reader, Hotch x You

You were sulking.

Not enough to affect your work - you’d have to go through something much worse than heartbreak before you risked your internship. But your home life was beginning to resemble a timelapse straight out of an overdramatic teen movie wherein the protagonist’s crush asks someone else to prom. Your apartment was a pile of half-done laundry, takeout containers, and case files; your evenings filled with sad Spotify playlists and too much red wine. 

And work? Not much better. Seeing him stride into the office every morning, filled with power and purpose and completely oblivious to the fact that he had shoved your heart into a metaphorical blender with a simple response to a seemingly innocuous question was really starting to wear you down. You had been so sure, that was the thing - so convinced by the team’s reaction to your story that it had all meant something. And maybe it had. But he had looked you in the face and told you it didn’t, so that was the answer that mattered.

So maybe sulking was the wrong word. ‘Spiraling’ was more accurate. A controlled spiral, mitigated only by the fact that 1. you had appearances and responsibilities to maintain and 2. Aaron Hotchner wasn’t actually the reason you showed up to work every morning, despite what it had seemed lately.

And it had seemed like that. You remembered getting the phone call that you had been accepted for an interview for the BAU internship, and the phone call that you made it to the final round, and finally the phone call that you had gotten the position - each more exciting than the last. You remembered meeting him, shaking his hand, completely oblivious to how much he was about to fuck up your life. Even when you first started to feel something for him, you convinced yourself it was nothing - a harmless crush wrought from your veneration and respect for one of the best in the field. Someone you admired. Someone you wanted to be one day. But then he’d made the unfortunate move of revealing bits and pieces of himself to you, exposing tiny slivers of humanity and emotion you were convinced didn’t exist, until you realized he was a person, an incredible one, and it wasn’t just admiration you felt anymore. It took all of a few months and a handful of genuine conversations until you were this far gone, and after he made it clear that your pining was one-sided, you knew you had to stop your fall there. 

So you tried.

You kept your conversations strictly professional. Avoided driving with him or sitting next to him on flights whenever possible. Disallowed yourself lingering glances. But it was still too goddamn much. He was still too goddamn much.

The next case pushed you over the edge. It was bad (not just normal bad, BAU bad), and it was no one’s fault, not really. You got called in late, the evidence was shoddy at best, and when all was said and done, you caught the unsub, but only after he’d killed 4 women. The last one died moments before you arrived and apprehended the killer, and despite the delay of those few minutes being, again, no one’s fault, the team was at each other’s throats the whole trip home. 

You were slouched in the corner of the plane trying to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Morgan and Reid were sniping viciously about something completely unrelated to the case, because despite everything they’d just endured, they would never outright blame each other for what went wrong. Hotch, deciding he’d heard enough, raised his head slightly and said quietly,

“They’re not always going to end the way we want. We did all we could.”

And you were just done. You couldn’t stand to be around this pillar of strength and compassion and resolve. You needed to hate him for rejecting you, and you couldn’t. So you marched over to his seat, and, steeling yourself, you said what you’d been wanting to say since he broke your heart:

“I need a day off.”

It had sounded more dramatic in your head.

“A day off?”

You nodded. Hotch gathered himself, seeming to realize that such a request wasn’t unheard of (though perhaps in his department it essentially was) and nodded. 

“This case was difficult. I wish I could say exceptionally so. Get me your paperwork by tonight and take tomorrow off.”

You went back to your seat, relief overshadowed by disgust that it wasn’t, in fact, the 4 deaths you’d just been privy to that had broken you - it was the crush on your boss. You’d handled this case like a champ, in fact, because you were so absorbed in self-pity that you couldn’t feel anything else.

You needed to fucking recalibrate.

***

You were determined to make the next 24 hours the most self-indulgent, healing 24 hours you’d ever experienced. Quiet breakfast at a cafe? Planned. Self-improvement books? Downloaded. Vibrator? Fully charged. 

No man was going to keep you from focusing on the internship you’d been gunning for for years. No man was worth that. You were going to cry, you were going to journal, you were going to masturbate, and you were going to get him out of your head.

You were going to march into the quaint little coffeeshop two blocks away that you’d Googled last night, you were going to order the cinnamon spice latte that an indie food blog had called “the epitome of fall,” and you were going to go for a nice, early morning walk.

Except you weren’t. 

Because the next morning, when you turned to leave after grabbing your drink from the barista, you saw Hotch sitting at the table by the window. And Hotch saw you. And you weren’t equipped to handle this situation, because you were only 4 pages into your self-help book so far and honestly, the smile that lit up his face when you made eye contact would’ve broken you even if you’d read all the ‘how to move on’ manuals the literary world had ever produced.

So you obeyed his beckoning hand and sat down. 

“Thought you’d be up to something much more exciting on your one day off.”

You smiled wryly. “This is exciting. I haven’t had coffee that wasn’t made out of an ancient breakroom pot or a hotel carafe in months.”

Hotch chuckled. “I’m afraid you’ve made a mistake by coming here. Breakroom coffee is going to be impossible to tolerate now.”

“That good, huh?”

“Better. Try it.”

His eyes on you, you took a sip of your latte, and swallowed the most delicious concoction you’ve ever tasted in your life.

“Holy shit.”

“Indeed,” Hotch confirmed, ignoring your vulgarity. “I’ve been coming here before work for years.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I impose on your hangout,” you laughed. “I haven’t tried many coffee shops around here, but I imagine this is hard to beat.”

“Not at all. But just know - this is my table.”

You grinned. “Understood.”

You still went on that walk. Still read that book. Still spent the day trying to think about anything else but the softness of that moment - you and Hotch sipping lattes, bathed in the light of the early morning sun.

But on Thursday, the next day, bright and early, you found yourself at that coffee shop again. This time, you took a seat at the table adjacent to his. He looked up and smiled.

“Glad you heeded my advice.”

You smiled back and gestured to the heaping pile of files in front of him. “Not like there’d be much room for me anyways.”

You finished your coffees in relative silence and left at the same time for the office.

Friday, you learned Hotch’s coffee order: flat white with an extra shot of espresso. 

Saturday, you happened to arrive before he did, so you ordered his drink and set it on his table. Ten minutes passed and you thought he wasn’t going to show up, but he soon bustled in looking frantic. You waved him over, and he smiled when he saw the coffee waiting for him.

“Sorry, got stuck on a phone call,” he apologized. Like you were expecting him. Like this was something you guys did now.

You supposed it was.

Sunday, you got called for a case before you even made it to the coffee shop. You sat down in the conference room at 6 am, groggy as all hell. Hotch entered after you and handed you a mug, saying nothing before moving to address the team.

There was a small sticky note attached to the mug that read, “It’s no cinnamon spice latte, but it’s caffeine just the same.”

You fought to keep a grin from splitting your face, and ignored the team’s knowing smirks.

The case was in a small town in Colorado. The motel the team was staying in was less than ideal because of the location - bare bones, broken heaters, probably had the same bedsheets since its opening over 50 years ago. There was a small coffee pot in your room, and after you arrived Sunday evening, you walked down the street to the small convenience store and bought a bag of ground coffee.

When you handed him the cup Monday morning, he looked at it like it was salvation itself. Which, judging by the dark circles under his eyes, it may well have been.

“Long night?” you asked, loading into the back of the SUV. 

“Always,” he responded from the front seat. He took a sip of the coffee. “I don’t mean to offend, but this is terrible.”

You gasped in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know that is genuine Folgers pre-ground gas station coffee.”

“It tastes like it was made in a toilet,” he grumbled. He took another sip and smirked at you in the rearview mirror.

You’d long stopped trying to get over him.

 After the case in Colorado, the team was given a merciful break from the rapid-fire calls they’d been caught up in the last few months. 

You and Hotch continued your pre-work ritual, showing up to the coffee shop earlier and earlier each day. For you, it was a conscious attempt to spend more time with him. He didn’t acknowledge the extra 20 minutes that had worked its way into the morning routine, but you could only hope his intentions were the same.

One particularly chilly fall day, you burst in the door 10 minutes later than your unofficial meeting time. Hotch shot you a patented raised eyebrow as you unwrapped your scarf and took your seat. 

“Overslept?”

“No,” you retorted, “I was trying to make breakfast and my stove stopped working. Again. Maintenance can’t come fix it for two days.”

“Did you eat?” he asked.

“No, I was just gonna grab a muffin or something here.”

He nodded and went back to his laptop.

The next day, you sat down to a metal thermos on your table.

“What’s this?” you asked him.

“Oatmeal,” he responded without looking up. “You said your stove was broken.”

You opened the thermos to a puff of brown sugar-scented steam and the feeling that your heart was going to burst out of your chest.

“Thank you,” you whispered, afraid your voice would crack if you spoke any louder.

He looked over at you with an expression softer than you’d ever seen him wear. “You’re welcome.”

 A week later, you’d miraculously worked your way through the backed-up deluge of paperwork from the last few cases, and after clicking through the morning’s emails, you slammed your laptop shut.

“We should go for a walk,” you said to Hotch, who somehow still had a stack of files in front of him that was threatening to surpass the table’s weight capacity. 

“A walk?” Hotch asked, looking at the aforementioned files as if he were afraid they’d hear him considering the idea of a break.

“Yeah,” you responded. “Come on. It’s so pretty outside, and it’s gonna be too cold soon. Besides, we’re more caught up with work than we have been in months.”

“Speak for yourself,” he quipped, but he packed his briefcase just the same.

It really was beautiful outside. As soon as you stepped out the door, a gust of wind sent red and orange leaves skittering across the sidewalk at your feet. You wrapped your scarf tighter around your neck and motioned to the park across the street.

“Want to walk through the park?”

Hotch shrugged, a noncommittal ‘yes’, and followed you.

The park was sprawling, packed with massive trees in the midst of displaying their autumnal colors. Despite the early hour, there were joggers and dog-walkers populating the dirt path that meandered through. You strolled side by side, making idle chat about the weather and the holidays coming up, until you came to a bench set beside a pond in a small grove. Hotch took a seat and you followed his lead.

Reclining your head against the back of the bench, you exhaled. “This is the closest I’ve come to being out in nature in forever. I need to do this more often.”

Hotch murmured his agreement. “I’d apologize for the lack of free time, but I’m afraid it only gets worse.”

“When you officially join the team, you mean?”

“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “Assuming that’s something you’re interested in.”

“Of  course I am,” you said, “but I didn’t think it was really up to me.”

“It’s not - I give the final recommendation.”

“Better start buying you more coffees then,” you teased, looking over at him.

“Unfortunately, as Unit Chief, I have a responsibility not to accept bribery.” He smiled back.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. You studied his face - the stern curve of his brow, the carved structure of his jaw, the stress lines set in from decades of sleepless nights and unspeakable losses. Despite the increasing time you’d been spending in close proximity, you were mesmerized, as always, by the stormy intensity of his eyes meeting yours. You were close enough to smell his cologne, and you were reminded of the night in his apartment when he told you about his family. If you thought you’d fallen for him then, it was nothing compared to how you felt now, after starting each morning sitting beside him in the quiet peace of that downtown coffee shop.

“We should get going,” he murmured, not checking his watch, not shifting his gaze from yours. You nodded, not fully comprehending his words, feeling dazed at his nearness.

It was impossible to tell who made the first, imperceptible shift. All you knew is you scarcely had time to think before his hand was on your jaw, cradling the back of your head, bringing you to him. His mouth met yours and you closed your eyes instinctively, melting into his warm body beside you, fisting the front of his jacket in your hands.

You couldn’t remember ever having been kissed so decisively before. His fingers gripped into the base of your skull, his forehead nearly pressed against yours, and despite the chastity of your closed mouths, you whimpered into his. He stiffened at the sound and pulled back, still holding you, inches away.

You saw the shift in his eyes before he moved. It was as if he consciously closed some gate, walling himself off. His pupils, blown, started to retract to their normal size, frown returned, hand drew back. You watched, heart still racing, unable to speak as he turned to grab the briefcase sitting at his feet. Only then did he look back at you.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and if his low voice was meant to betray any hint of emotion, you didn’t hear it. 

He stood, walked around the back of the bench towards the path, and paused.

“I’ll see you at the office.”

You were too shell-shocked to reply.

[goldenraeofsun]

would you have me, would you want me?

Part I

Part II

Cas chokes on his drink. 

Spluttering, he gasps for breath, his face reddening with embarrassment.

“Sorry,” Dean says, his eyes laughing. “I guess this batch is stronger than the last one.” He gently guides Cas away from the punch bowl, towards an unoccupied corner of the kitchen. “Here,” he says, swapping out their cups. “I only got Jack and Coke in mine.”

“Are you sure?”

Dean sniffs the punch skeptically before taking a small sip. “Yeah, my standards are not high. Jesus Christ, they must’ve poured the whole bottle in there.”

Cas hides his own smile behind the rim of Dean’s cup.

“So, Cas,” Dean starts, “What’s up?”

“What’s up?”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “It’s like I hardly see you now we’re done with Cicero.”

Cas takes a large gulp of his drink. “I didn’t realize you noticed.”

“‘Course I did!” Dean says, mock-outraged. He ignores a loud cheer from the crowd around the doorway at the other end of the room. “Tutoring was the best part of Thursdays.”

“You have double-period Latin and Ms. Abbadon back-to-back on Thursdays,” Cas says shrewdly, as he watches Gordon from Calculus brandish two full bottles of vodka. “There wasn’t much competition, as far our tutoring sessions went.”

“How’d you know that?” Dean asks, baffled.

“You complained of both frequently,” Cas says. Before he can stop himself, Cas tacks on, “I always listen when you tell me things, Dean.”

Dean smiles weakly at him before taking a large gulp of punch. “Hey, do you want to go somewhere quieter? I can barely hear myself think.”

Cas nods and lets Dean pull him out of the kitchen.

“So how’re you really doing?” Dean asks as they settle down on the first steps of the forbidden stairs to the second story of Tessa’s house. “Did your old man come through?”

Cas’s expression hardens. “He won’t be able to make it to graduation. I received his response in the mail a few weeks ago.”

Dean studies him, and Cas tries not to fidget under his gaze. “Let me guess, you’ve been skulking in the library ever since, your nose buried in a book.”

Cas bristles. “I do not skulk.”

“Dude, you so do,” Dean says, laughing. “With the face, and the eyes - trust me, you’ve sent freshmen running for the hills and you don’t even know it.”

Cas hunches in on himself. “I haven’t been in… the best of moods lately.”

“No shit,” Dean says as he reaches out and claps Cas on the shoulder. “At least you’ll have Gabriel?”

“Small consolation.”

Dean bumps up against Cas reassuringly. “Come on, he’ll make enough noise for at least four relatives.”

Cas just shakes his head.

“At least you’ll be leaving all this behind,” Dean says, his face darkening. “You’ll be able to start new and shit.”

Cas turns to him, puzzled. “I’m barely going out of state. And it’s only for four years - less, if I can graduate early.”

“Uh huh,” Dean says, not looking convinced in the slightest. He swirls the terrible punch around in its cup before taking a large gulp.

* * *

Castiel swallows nervously.

“It’s good to see you,” he tells Dean.

“Same here,” Dean says. He glances at Charlie. “You know Charlie?”

“Cas teaches Latin and French at Carver Preparatory Academy,” Charlie pipes up. At Dean’s blank look, she explains, “A few years ago, Roman donated a bunch of tech to his alma mater. Yours truly was sent in to coordinate from Roman’s side of things, and Cas here drew the short straw at the high school.”

“I also chair the robotics club,” Castiel clarifies.

“You’re at Carver?” Dean asks, eyes widening. “Teaching those douche nozzles that stole Peppy the Pigeon?”

Castiel makes a face. “Those students were reprimanded and suspended. It was not an… authorized thievery.”

Dean snorts.

“And it’s not like your students’ hands are entirely clean either,” Castiel adds reproachfully. “Didn’t they sneak pot brownies into our bake sale for senior prom?”

“So what if they did?” Dean crosses his arms across his chest. “As far as I’m concerned, they got more bang for their buck. You can’t get a pot brownie for three dollars just anywhere.”

“The faculty bought them too! We were in the middle of midterms!”

Dean smirks. “Extra fun midterms, then.”

Castiel throws his hands in the air. “I don’t know why I even bother,” he says as he spins on his heel. “I need another drink.”

Dean hasn’t changed. Not one bit.

He gets halfway to the makeshift bar before Charlie waylays him. “Dude,” she says, her eyes huge.

“What?” Castiel jerks his arm to throw off her grip and makes as if to step past her.

“That was a disaster.”

“You’re telling me,” Castiel says sourly.

“Why’d you attack him like that?”

“He started it,” Castiel says, eyes flashing.

Charlie throws him a deeply skeptical look. “Are you really incapable of being in the same room for five minutes?”

Castiel sighs, running a hand through his hair. “Most likely.”

“At least nobody threw food,” Charlie says before perking up. “Although that last food fight was epic.”

“He started that one too.”

“You could’ve walked away, literal egg on your face or no,” Charlie says, the corner of her mouth twitching.

Castiel shakes his head. “I’ve never been able to walk away from Dean Winchester. You know that.”

“Sure,” Charlie says easily, “but he doesn’t.”

* * *

Cas swallows nervously. 

“I’ll come back for the holidays,” he offers boldly, the alcohol shoring up his resolve. He isn’t sure Dean would even care, but he needs to say something.

In the beginning, Dean needed help with Latin, so Cas was assigned as his tutor. After a rocky start - Dean kept ditching Cas for reasons unknown - Cas followed him to his car and refused to get left behind again. With Dean in the driver's seat, they picked up Sam at his middle school and drove him to soccer practice.

Cas tutored Dean right there on the bleachers overlooking the scrimmage game.

When it rained, Sam came with them to the library - as happy as a pig in shit, as Dean often said while ruffling Sam’s hair.

To celebrate their last tutoring session a month ago, Dean took Cas to the movies. A film had just opened about two demon hunting brothers. The trailer showed them saying a Latin exorcism, so it totally counted, according to Dean.

Dean and Cas are friends. Probably.

But Dean has a lot of friends. Cas has observed them across the cafeteria, over the pages of too many books to name. They make Dean laugh, far more than he ever has with Cas. They understand his jokes without explanations. Dean doesn’t meet their eyes for only a moment before ducking away.

After a small eternity, Dean speaks. “I’m glad you’re here, Cas.”

Warmth blooms bright in Cas’s chest. “Me too.” He fiddles with his cup before taking a reassuring swallow of liquid courage. “Why did you invite me?”

“I dunno.” Dean stares down at the drink between his hands. “Thought it would be nice.”

“Really?” Cas asks, his voice dripping with skepticism.

Dean screws up his face. “You seemed stuck in this funk, man. And you weren’t getting out of it on your own, so, I guess, I thought it was time to bring in the big guns.”

“A party?”

Dean grins. “Nothing like alcohol and bad decisions to loosen you up.”

Cas chuckles under his breath. “I almost didn’t come.”

“I figured it was a long shot. Why did you?”

Cas swallows down more of his drink. “You asked me to.”

“Yeah, but…” Dean drifts off, brow furrowed.

“You’ve asked me for exactly four things over the past year,” Cas says seriously, ticking them off on his fingers, “One, to let you drive Sam to soccer practice while we were supposed to have tutoring; two, to borrow my flash cards, which I was going to give you anyway; three, to go to the movies with you; and four, to come to Tessa’s house tonight. That’s it.”

Dean knocks back his cup, his eyes dark. “I guess I thought I was more of a drag for you these past few months.”

Cas’s mouth falls open in surprise. “A drag on what, my vibrant social life?”

Dean shrugs, staring out at the empty hallway. “You have this mysterious loner vibe going on. I didn’t think you wanted anyone to mess with that.”

Cas squints at him. “I have a vibe?”

“At first I thought you just thought you were better than the rest of us,” Dean continues as Cas’s heart sinks into the floor. “But I know better now.”

Cas tips back his drink, draining it. He croaks, “You do?”

One corner of Dean’s mouth lifts into a half-smile. “Yeah, I do, Cas.”

* * *

Castiel’s stomach flips at the sound of his name.

Dean catches up with him right outside of the gym, calling again,  “Hey, Cas, wait!”

Castiel turns, dread curling in his gut. But he can’t flee - he still has some pride left. “What?”

“I think we need a do-over,” Dean says seriously.

Castiel bites back the, What gave you that idea? on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he says, as evenly as he can, “I think so.”

Dean rubs the back of his neck, wrongfooted in a way Castiel has never seen on him before. “Look, we’re not our students, obviously.”

“Or else I would know what ‘yeet’ meant,” Castiel says wryly.

“Mood,” Dean deadpans, before his face breaks out into a smile as Castiel squints at him, uncomprehending. “I heard down the grapevine you went into teaching a few years ago. Good for you, putting those tutoring skills to better use.”

“It seemed a logical choice.” He eyes Dean, biting his lip as he tries to convey his next thought without offending him. “But I was surprised to hear you went into teaching too.”

Dean snorts. “You and everybody else.”

“Why did you?”

Dean shrugs. “I had this teacher in community college, Missouri Moseley - she said it would be a good fit for me. She convinced me to transfer to a four-year university and get certified.”

Curious, Castiel asks, “Why did she say it was a good fit?” before he thinks better of it, and adds quickly, “Not that I think she’s wrong.”

“’Course you don’t,” Dean says with a lopsided grin. “She said I would come to the role from a position of empathy. That I would be able to reach the troubled kids who need the most help.” He averts his gaze, muttering, “Fancy words for saying I have a soft spot for the outcasts and loners, I guess.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“No?” Dean’s brow furrows as he takes in Castiel’s stony expression. “I told you my dad was never around. Not one teacher noticed,” he says, gesturing around them. “Our guidance counselor was a waste of space. I only went to community college to set a good example for Sammy.”

“Yes, but,” Castiel protests, “you were popular. You weren’t an outcast.”

“But you were,” Dean said, eyebrows raised expectantly.

Castiel grimaces. “I know that.”

“There you go.” Dean crosses his arms across his chest, satisfied.

But, Castiel is far from satisfied. He hasn’t been satisfied for ten years. “I don’t understand you,” Castiel grinds out, frustrated. “You’re saying you went into teaching to help kids like me?”

Dean’s confidence cracks the tiniest fraction. “Yeah?”

Castiel lets out a dark laugh. “I suppose you have changed.”

“I mean, it’s been ten years…” Dean drifts off.

Castiel could use another drink. Or five. He rubs a tired hand down his face.

“Look,” Dean says, “I know I was an ass to you in senior year.”

“Only the last few months,” Castiel says sharply. “For the vast majority of that year, you were my friend.”

* * *

Cas’s stomach flips at the sound of his name.

Cheeks flaming, Cas sneaks a peek at Dean out of the corner of his eye.

Nobody called him ‘Cas’ before Dean. Teachers and classmates always used ‘Castiel.’ His relatives, his mother, all called him by his given name.

But Dean - Dean would sooner spend his valuable lunch money on the cafeteria salad than ever call him ‘Castiel.’ From day one, he claimed ‘Cas’ as his.

“I don’t mean to shut everyone out,” Cas says, the words spilling out of him before he can dwell too deeply on them. “I just don’t know how to let them in.”

“It’s not easy,” Dean says frankly. He tips back his cup of punch.

“You don’t seem to have the same difficulty,” Cas says in a low voice, trying not to sound accusatory.

Dean shrugs, his eyes troubled. “It’s all relative, I guess.”

Cas leans forward, resting one elbow on his knees as his other hand dangles uselessly at his side, clutching his mostly-empty cup. “I probably should have done more.”

“If you’re happy kicking it solo, who am I to tell you how to live your life?” Dean asks, and Cas cranes his neck to see him relaxing back, sprawling out so his arms take up the whole width of the stairs.

“But maybe I could have been happier if I had more friends.”

Dean shakes his head. “No way to know that for sure.”

“Really?”

Dean licks his lips. “I mean, I got a lot of people who like to listen to me run my mouth and make stupid jokes. I don’t have a lot of people who would put up with my idiot little brother for a twenty-minute car ride every week.”

“Sam’s not an idiot,” Cas says automatically.

Dean grins. “There we go.”

“I’m sure you have more than you think,” Cas says quietly.

“Leo would rather strip and sing the Macarena in front of the student body than spend one minute with Sam, and don’t get me started on Bela or Gordon,” Dean says derisively. “Look, ‘m pretty sure I got one dude who’s up for it, and I’m looking at him.”

Cas ducks his head, staring hard at the piece of carpet between his feet.

“You’re a good friend, Cas,” Dean’s voice says to his back. “If you want to fuck off after college and live like a hermit in the Rockies, be my guest. But it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s not your fault nobody else sees how awesome you are.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “I told you, I’ll probably return after college. My family is here.”

“Fat lot of good they’ve been doing for you lately,” Dean snorts.

Cas turns to look at him. “I think I’ve managed fine on my own.”

“Yeah, but you deserve better than ‘fine.’” Dean sits up, his eyes dark and intense. “You deserve the goddamn world, man.”

Cas stares at him, his eyes wide.

“Fuck it,” Dean mutters before pressing their lips together.

Onto Part III

[blissfulparker]

Dine and dash→pt.10 ceo!tom

Summary →tom comes into your diner every Tuesday and Thursday, it is no secret that he only goes for you. When will he ever be brave enough to say something, when will you ever be brave enough to let him in?

Warnings→fluff, angst, drinking

A/n→ Sorry this is so delayed, i haven't been in a place with good internet to post but now that i have some i get o post part 10 and i have 11 written and 12 too so i hope to get that edited and queued up. hope you guys enjoy!

“I wanna know how you did that.” You hand him the glass of wine as you join him on the couch.

Tom managed to get her in the bath, get her pajamas on, brush her teeth and hair without a single fuss or complaint. Every night something had to go wrong, she didn’t want to take a bath, or she didn’t want to brush her hair because it hurt, there was always something that went wrong.

But tom did it perfectly. She laughed and did everything right. She even picked up her room with a smile, every time you asked her to pick up her room she’d have a fit. All her stuffed animals on her dresser, all her toys in her bin, her bag ready for tomorrow. Tom finished it all up with two bedtime stories and now she was out like a light.

Now you had the Netflix home screen on and cuddled up on Toms side. You had a relaxing night at home for once in your life. She was asleep and you had no chores to do expect be with your boyfriend, but that wasn’t a chore.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” He says and wraps his arms around you. You take a sip and then rest your head on his shoulder.

“It’s like she loves you more than me.” You whine a bit feeling like you’re loosing as a mother and he moves to look at you.

His soft fingers touch your chin to lift it up and look at you. “She doesn’t love me more than you, why would you say that?” He asks and you sigh feeling helpless.

“I dunno, she just looks at you like you’re this sort of god. She listens to you and she follows you like a lost puppy. Maybe it’s just because you’re a man and sees you as a dad but—I don’t know.” You take another sip and fall back on his shoulder. “Seeing her da—Henry just made me feel weird. Like I did something wrong and he did the right thing. I mean I don’t regret Cara, she’s the light of my life. But I feel like I just shut everything out after I had her, I didn’t go to art school, I didn’t travel, I didnt go out on Friday’s and stay in touch with friends. I feel like I gave up on myself after I had her. And now you come in and you’re perfect, absolutely perfect, you’re nice to her, you like me for some reason, and you’re pretty, and you’re successful, so successful! I don’t understand why you like me.” You whine and he giggles a bit, not because of your speech, because you’re drunk and don’t understand yourself.

“How much did you drink tonight?” He asks and you shake your head.

“I dunno, a glass or two at dinner and then a glass when you were getting her to sleep? Wait, maybe two glasses when you were getting her to sleep.” You tell him and he takes your glass and set it on the coffee table.

“I don’t really know what to say to someone who had a child and was alone for such a long time. But I’m here now, and I love you and I love Cara, and you don’t have to deal with everything alone anymore. And Henry, he was a selfish ass and you know that.” He touches your hair and your eyes are damp with tears.

“You love me?” You choke out and he nods.

“Yeah, is it still too early to say that?” He spoke slightly scared that you wouldn’t say the word back and he just messed up a relationship with one of the best girls he’s met.

“N-No, it’s not too early. I love you too.” You giggle a little. A goofy smile appears on his face. Tom doesn’t really smile at work, strictly businesses. He says good morning with no smile and sits in his office all day usually annoyed with his work. But with you, he has the biggest smile.

“I got really lucky.” He let’s you fall back on his chest as he picks out a show for you two to watch.

“I’m dating the richest, sexiest man in London. I think I got really lucky.” You mumble into his shoulder. He smirks as he squeezes your side.

“You’re drunk.” He reminds you and you shake your head.

“No, you’re extremely hot, you’re the ceo Of one of London’s best companies, and I don’t even know what you guys do over there but you make it look good. Not to mention you have an extremely big—” he stops you before you finish your sentence.

“Okay, darlin’, okay.” He Let’s His thumb massage your thigh and you calm into his side.

“Don’t leave me.” You reach for your glass and he stops you before you can get it.

“I won’t, promise.” He pulls you back into him.

“Where are those cute little glasses of yours, you look like peter Parker.” You touch his curls and give them a soft tug. Tom didn’t mean to get turned on by that but he loved it when all the times you had sex you’d tug his hair.

“Okay, maybe we should get you off to bed.” He picks you up and You giggle at how fast he moves.

“Will You Be there when I wake up?” You ask and he laughs as he pushes open the door.

“Promise you I will.”

~

Your body felt gross, you had a headache after drinking a bit too much while tom was being responsible. You hated yourself for doing that, honestly. But everything hurt and you needed to drown it all out for just one night.

Tom was missing as well, but this time there were no crashing in the kitchen, no running around, he had left to take Cara to school and most likely go to work. There was a small sticky note with Advil and water.

Took Cara to school and there are Bagels on the counter, we can meet for lunch if you’d like? Let me know how you’re feeling♥︎

You smile at the note and pop the pulls in your mouth taking the water to follow them. You felt like taking a shower, cleaning your whole body from last night.

Although there was loud banging coming from the door. It hurt your head and the sun from the windows didn’t help.

“Tom just open the door, I know you have a key!” You shout ignoring it. The bangs got louder as you took the poppyseed bagel out of its bag and that’s when you turned to open the door.

“Tom, stop bang—” you pulled the red door open and there stood Henry, the man you hated dearly still and didn’t know how he got your address.

“Look I came to talk—” he started, he was wearing a New York sweatshirt and wrinkled jeans.

“How did you find my house?” Your hand turned white on the door handle and you felt like this was just a hallucination from the hangover.

“Your mum and my mum still go to the same book club. Apparently they’re friends and still keep in touch, she had your address.” He gives a lopsided smile. You knew your mum still talked to his, they’ve always been friends.

“So why are you here?” You spit and he rocked back and forth on his heels.

“I was a bit rough yesterday, we didn’t get to properly talk.” He tried and you want to laugh, so badly do you want to laugh. You don’t though, you try and shut the door. “Wait!” He stops it with his shoe. “Please.”

“What do you want me to do? I’m so confused! You’re gone for six years and you come back when my life is perfect and want to crawl back in on one pity sorry?” You throw your hands up and he looks around, you could care less if you made him cry.

“I just wanna meet her! Is that too much to ask?” He begs now with his hands up in the air.

“Yes! That is! She doesn’t deserve you! She doesn’t know who you are and she doesn’t deserve to know who you are.” You shout, the shouting alone hurts your head and you want to go back in bed and call tom to come cuddle.

“And what the guy your fucking deserves to be her dad?” He scoffs and you look at him in shock.

“Yeah and if you’re not any different,” you laugh this time and he leans against your door.

“Let’s see, I took you to prom—” he starts and you let your head fall on the door.

“You took me to prom doesn’t make up for leaving me with a baby!” You scream and right as you do your phone rings. You start to talk again but the ringing keeps going and causes you to sigh and grab it.

“Hello?” You pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Darlin’! Did I wake you?” Tom asks. He’s driving, you can hear that you’re on speaker phone.

“No, no,” You look over to the man still in your doorway waiting for you to come back. “Thank you, by the way. The bagels, taking Cara to school, it was the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in awhile.” You look over at Henry as you say those words.

“No problem, it was her idea. Anyways, I left my watch and wanted to know if you can bring it when we get lunch? If not then that’s okay I can just—” you cut him off before he starts his nervous rambles.

“I can bring it, of course. I’m kinda doing something right now but I love you and will see you soon.” You tell him and he says a quick I love you before you hand up and focus on the problem at your door.

“As I was saying—” He starts again and you shake your head.

“No, no, you can’t be here and you can’t see her. I’m done okay? I’m sorry you wasted your time with coming here but you can’t see her, she’s not yours. If you try and bring lawyers in that’s a bad idea because you know I’ll win.” You tell him and he looks like he’s about to cry but you didn’t care, you wanted him gone.

“You can’t be serious.” He chokes out a laugh and you furrow your brows.

“Funny, I think those were the exact words I said to you the day you left.” You presses your lips into a smile and shut your door.

You lean your head against the door and look over to a picture of Cara on her first day of school. She wore the required uniform and had her curls pulled back into a ponytail. She was yours, and now Toms, you two took care of her and no one else did.

You grab the phone and try to call tom again. The call went to voicemail, twice, you assume he’s busy and can’t use his phone while working. You need him right now though, certain times you need him the most.

You sit there, the sound of the coffee machine dripping fresh coffee, the morning news instead of Cara’s cartoons or shows. Any other day you’d love to be alone, have a nice relaxing morning and paint but right now you wanted tom and your girl, in bed making your laugh.

The sound of your phone rings once again. Toms name with hearts pop up and make you smile. You are quick to press the answer button wanting to hear his voice.

“Hey I saw you called again?” He asked, his voice deeper and it sounded as if he was around people.

“I thought maybe I can return that watch now?” You ask. You didn’t know where the thing was but you were will to look for it if that meant you saw him faster.

“Oh,” he looks around. “I’m in some meetings—” he hears your sigh and can tell something is bothering you so he doesn’t want to disappoint. “But I can have my receptionist let you up.” He tells you and you let your head fall on the counter.

“Thank you.” You whisper and let some tears fall.

“Love, what’s wrong?” His voice soft and full of concern.

“I’ll explain when I’m there.” You sniffle and he feels his heart ache.

“Okay, drive safely, I’ll be here.” He assures you and you sit up and sip your coffee.

“Okay.” You hang up. You order an Uber knowing that you are in no condition to drive. You find the watch he wanted on your nightstand sitting there pretty in gold. Sometimes you wondered why all the expensive stuff, he was rich but he never acted rich. As in he never acted like an asshole who threatened you.

You threw on an old sweater and some baggy jeans. It always shocks you how London can manage to be cold and rainy when some people would still consider it summer. Hard rain poured down not helping with your mood.

When your Uber arrived you didn’t say much except the address. He for a second started boasting about how his son worked for the company and how hard it was to get a job. Although it probably wasn’t, tom is pretty nice but you didn’t really know how he was business wise.

“Thank you.” You gave him a half smile as you get out of the car tipping him. You walk up to the building slightly intimidated, all the professional people walking in and out and you’re wearing a sweater and jeans.

“Hi, I’m here for tom holland.” You ask the woman and she gives you a look up and down.

“Name?” She asks and you say your name and she looks at you again.

“Go on up.” She spoke before going back to her computer.

The elevator ride is long, the longest you’ve ever been. There were sixteen floors and tom was at the very top. When you got to his floor it was a lot more peaceful than the one at the bottom.

“Excuse me?” Another woman asked noticing you trying to figure out which office is Toms. “You must be (y/n)? Mr. Holland’s door is down at the end.” She smiles and you nod before walking all the way down and knocking on the door.

“Tom?” You ask as it opens. Tom looks up from his desk. His look was sexy, something you didn’t see at the diner usually. A dark black suit and his hair slicked down into place with gel, he wore his glasses and a serious look that softened at you.

“Babygirl.” He moves his chair back and you come over to him. He motioned for you to sit on his lap which you gladly did. “What happened when I left?” He asked sensing something was wrong.

“Henry came over.” You laid your head on his chest. You felt bad since you were wet from the rain but he didn’t mind.

“What?” He asked as if he wanted to kill the man for talking to you again.

“I told him to leave, that he can’t see Cara again. I just started feeling everything I felt last night again and it hurt. It hurt a lot. I know I’m acting like a baby but I wanted to see you.” You sniffle staring st his computer taking in all the numbers.

“You know the first time I tried to flirt with you, you rolled your eyes.” He tells you. It was true, he looked up a cheesy pick up line and you rolled your eyes. He didn’t give up, he refused to give up on you.

“I know.” You touch the curls that weren’t soft but crunchy.

“I love you a lot. I think you are perfect. I knew that since day one, and I don’t want some asshole to make you rethink any of that.” He presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“I don’t deserve you.” You look at him and he presses soft kisses along You jaw.

“I think it’s the other way around.” He pulls you down and presses sloppy kisses all around your face. He paused as he saw your emotions drop again.

“When Cara was a baby, I was so scared that everyone would hate me for being so young with a baby. She was impossible some days and I thought we’d never make it, me up all day and night. I thought no one would want to date someone with a kid as young as me but you are so incredibly sweet to us.” You tell him and he feels himself warm in the heart from your words and pulls you into his chest.

“You don’t have to be alone anymore.” He touches your damp hair. “You both don’t have to be alone anymore.” He reminds you and you sigh tracing patterns on his clothed thigh.

“So,” you get up and look at him again. “Want me to pick something up for lunch? I should leave now, no one knows how to drive in the rain.” You laugh a bit and tom holds you down.

“I can have someone bring us up something, can you stay like this all day?” He asks and you look at all his work in front of him.

“You have work, tommy.” You tell him and he shakes his head kissing the small of your neck.

“I’ll do it later, it’s also hard right now and I don’t wanna worry about it.” He says and you smile wrapping your arms around him just to stay like this a little longer.

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[hekategoddessofthenight]

Reunited Pt.1

Daniella

Welp here I am, going home for the 10 year high school reunion, after I talked myself into going just to rub my success in my old classmate faces, granted I only had a day to decide seeing as it's Friday night and it's currently Thursday, I packed my bags and bought a ticket for the next flight out to Alabama, I felt my IQ plummet the second the planes tires screeched along the tarmac, I grabbed my overnight bag out of the overhead compartment and dragged my feet off the plane and walked into the airport terminal.

My big brother Cash who is 5 years older than i am and who never left the state,  and his wife were the ones to come and pick me up seeing as our parents moved to the beach after I moved away leaving the house to Cash and his wife Ashlyn.

Cash is your typical good ol southern boy, never without the bluejeans with the dip ring in the back pocket of every pair thad been permenatly rubbing into it from years of rubbing again the seat of his pick up truck, his work boots that I had to hide from him when he and Ashlyn got married during the summer of my junior and senior year of high school.  

“So Dani, how is the big city?”  Ashlyn asks me as I toss my bag into the cab of the truck, it's been awhile since I been home and by a while I mean like 4-5 years and in that time not only have I lost some of my southern twang but I keep forgetting what my family sounds like and wow.

“it's a new adventure every day, I can’t get enough of it.” I tell her

“Cash, do you hear her my god she’s lost her southern drawl and picked up a northern accent! You really need to come home more Daniella or at least call more.” she says and Cash pulls away he just sits there nodding his head in agreement going mhmm as he spits his chew into the bottle.

“I will do just that when I have the time, works been crazy, I have so many books to read and decide if they are worth publishing I hardly have time for anything else, I had to beg my boss to even let me come down here for a few days.” I say as I pull out my ipad and skim over the latest manuscript of an up and coming romance author.

As we pull into the driveway of my childhood home I grab my bag and head in the house to my old room, Cash and Ashlyn boxed up alot of  my stuff and shoved it in the closet to make my old room into a spare when mom and dad come up to visit but the posters of New York on the walls, and the millions of pictures I took when the senior class trip went to Manhattan are still up.

That trip, that was it from the second I stepped onto the busy city street and smelt the ammonia filled subway I knew that was where I wanted to be, where I belonged.

I toss my bag onto the bed and start to unpack my bag, hanging up the strapy V-neck Chanel dress before it wrinkles and setting my black Louboutin below it all ready to go tomorrow night.

I change into some jeans and a T and head out to the living room, and watch them for a little bit. Cash is working the computer seeing as he does some kind of online job and Ashlyn is getting ready for the night shift at the local nursing home. “I'll be back.” I say as I steal the keys to the truck and head for town, it's been awhile since I been home but DAMN, after being in a city that never sleeps and going to a town that literally closes at 5 pm sucks, I wonder around town, its small but when I was little I thought it was huge but now this is small, as I wonder peering into some of the old shops I use to go to I can see that they have been closed up for some time also there is a thick layer of dust collected onto the glass, as I keep walking I’m waiting the the enviable shoe to stop and someone I went to school with or someone that has known me my entire life to recognize me and then word spreads like wildfire that I am here and I’m not ready for that.

not only have I changed emotionally but I have physically as well, I lost some weight, which I didn’t have to work so hard at seeing as I live in a city that I walk everywhere in but I also changed the way I ate when I moved their, I tried every single place that was labeled as southern comfort food in the first year I was their and nothing compared to my momma’s cooking but my taste has expanded now and I’m sure that I will not be able to find good fresh sushi here.

after touring the town I made my way up the the next major town for the world famous Gibson BBQ, after walking out with the few things I have been craving I manage to make it back home, I settle down in my room with my food and read some more of the newest novel I have been assigned to read over, after a few hours I finished the book and decide that it is worth publishing, I sit my iPad down and scan my old room, I rummage threw the closet and spot my old years book on the shelf and seeing as I have the reunion tomorrow it might be best if I figure out who is who again, I’ve kept up with some people when I moved thanks to social media, but its sad looking back and seeing that almost 80% of the graduating class is all ether married or have a few kids by now. Except me.

As I flip threw the book I happen to come across Aiden Rose, I use to help him pass English he was the high school heartthrob every girl wanted him including me and every girl was always trying to be my friend to try and get close to him but it never worked, I mean the closest thing I ever came to what one would mistake for a date with him is when we went to the diner for a last minute english paper he needed help with.

I had the biggest crush on him I mean for christ sakes I was a bumbling idiot when he was around, always stumbling over my words, tripping over air and up stairs it was sad, I would often have the thought of what if, what if he asked me to prom or what if he asked me to go to homecoming, or even asked me out on a date and gave me a kiss, but the biggest what if was what if i didn’t look the way i did, i was the short girl with the dopy looking glasses who always got her work done well before anyone, i was the girl who spent most of her free time in the library reading books all the time or writing in my notebook of stories i thought of, all of them being romance novels. to him i was just the girl that would help him pass his classes nothing more.

I wonder what he’s been up to since then, last time I saw him was the night of graduation after the ceremony, he hugged me and thanked me for all the help over the 4 years I was helping him, the next day I was on my way to NYU for journalism, I occasionally would look him up over the last 10 year but people change so much that I wouldn’t know if it was him or not. I wonder if he will be their tomorrow, I sure would like to know what he does now, I’m sure he maybe took over his family’s ranch or maybe he works at the local store, who knows but I’m sure I will know more tomorrow, that is if he even shows up, no point in worrying about it time to get some sleep.

[swest1903-blog]

What if -a fathers story coping with miscarriage

What If ? This is something I have asked myself over and over again and I suspect that all dads to be who have had to deal with the loss of a child have had the same thoughts. We didn't have the surprise that many couples get when discovering they are going to be parents, my wife and I had been receiving fertility treatment, this was to be our last attempt using “clomid” before the doctors investigated further. Day 28 came and still no sign of that moment when your wife looks and you know “not this month” a test was taken and not much hope was held. At first glance there was only 1 line, but as I looked harder I could see the faintest 2nd line (or was I looking for something that wasn't their) many tests were taken over the coming days and they kept saying POSITIVE, we were over the moon but were told not to get too excited, the clinic would do a test in 2 weeks to confirm if the news we wanted was in fact true.  My heart was pounding as the nurse looked for a little flicker on the screen, it seemed like an eternity and then the words came “theres your baby” I gripped my wife’s hand as she gripped mine (we were going to be parents). Telling my parents that they were going to be Grandparents again was a very proud moment. The weeks passed, keeping this secret was getting harder, deciding on names and buggies was now the main topic of conversation (I was enjoying every minute of it) 12 weeks came and like the first scan we were gripping each others hands, and there it was the heartbeat, the scan wasn't just a bean anymore it looked like a baby. We got so much pictures, smiles from ear to ear. The picture went public and everyone was over the moon for us.  A couple of weeks passed and then we decided to find out the sex, my wife was 16/17 weeks Pregnant at the point. IT'S A GIRL, well I was over the moon, I was going to be a daddy to a little girl. My wife was excited as she had all these plans, Pink, Pink and a little more pink. The next day was a nice warm day so I decided I would go play golf, boast about going to be a dad , etc. My wife was working and said she would either get a taxi home or walk depending how she felt after work. She called to say she got a taxi and was running a bath and she would see me when I got home. 2 holes later I’m putting out when I feel my phone go, all I remember was my wife crying down the phone “somethings wrong, somethings coming out of me”. I took off over that golf course and got to the car, called my parents to tell them something was wrong and I would let them know. I got home in no time at all, ran inside and my wife was on the bed. I called an Ambulance which seemed to take forever but in reality took only a few minutes. The nurses were asking questions, taking readings and doing checks. A female surgeon turned up and examined what was going on. She was going to Theatre but her senior consultant would do the procedure to see if they could solve the problem. I went outside and made some calls thats when it hit me that something was wrong, I had been staying strong for her and didn't even let it hit me I guess. She was taken to Theatre and I went home to get changed and get the car, I arrived back at hospital as she was being wheeled back into the ward. As I walked into the single room I looked at the nurse and she just shook her head. I walked out the room into the corridor and fell to the floor in an unconsolable mess, my family were there to help me to my feet and calm me down. The next morning I was attending the funeral of my Nana (grandmother) I was numb and broke down whenever anyone tried to speak to me or say how sorry they were. I spoke to the man who held the service who knew my wife and I because he married us not 2 years previous. I told him what happened and he said he would do anything he could for us. I got a call form my wife that the surgeon wanted to talk to us. The surgeon came and spoke to us he said the words “Premature Rupture of Membranes” he tried explaining but it wasn't sinking in. we were told my wife’s cervix opened and the membrane burst when they tried to insert a stitch to keep everything intact. We were now faced with the decision to let nature take its course or “take a tablet” we had just heard her heartbeat so in our eyes if she was fighting we would fight too. This went on for a few days, hearing the heartbeat and thinking we made the right choice, she can do this I kept thinking, she is fighting so hard. On the Thursday our world stood still, my wife gave birth to our daughter that evening. She never took a breath and was still born. “what was her name” the nurse asked; “Olivia” I said, she weighed less than a tub of Pringles 156 grams. She was perfect in every way. We held her, we looked at her we fell in love with her. She was wrapped in a lovely pink knitted blanket with a knitted hat and in a Moses basket. The nurses done a terrific job ensuring My wife was well looked after and that she was comfortable. It fell to me to call Family and friends, one of the worst things to do telling people your child has passed away. We were given leaflets on what service we would like, we didn't have to decide then but we did, a burial seemed the right choice. Once we got home we sat in silence, all the baby pink things that were bought not even a week before were sitting in the corner.   Flowers were arriving in what seemed to be a never ending shipment. People had been so generous and there sympathies were heartfelt and appreciated. We started going over poems, the tears started to some but I felt like I shouldn't cry as I HAD to be strong for my wife. We chose a poem, service was organised. We placed the only picture where the 3 of us were in it (the picture we put on Facebook) into the coffin with our little girl with a letter explaining how much we loved her and wanted her to be part of our life. It was just the 2 of us at the service, when the poem was read I had tears that were rolling down my face that I tried to stop because I HAD to be strong for my girls. We went for something to eat and to raise a glass to our baby girl. We don't want to cry anymore But the pain won't go away Our hearts are torn in two Because our baby couldn't stay We don't want to cry anymore God had other plans for you Mommy and Daddy will get through this someday But right now our world is blue We don't want to cry anymore We never thought we'd be torn apart Even though we can't hold you in our arms We will always hold you in our hearts We don't want to cry anymore Our Angel, there was nothing we could do Mommy and Daddy will miss you so much And never forget, we will always love you Over the coming weeks things would return to normal, we got away from it all and went on a little holiday, came home and got about our business, the whole time she was never far from our thoughts, I see her everyday when I look at my arm and see her name with her footprints and the saying “Briefly known forever loved” Fast forward to February 2015 and I get a message from my wife but it's a picture, “1 - 2 weeks pregnant” I am back on the top of the world, I am going to be a dad, then I start worrying what if we have more complications ? We tell less people this time, we don't make it public, we feel that way if something goes wrong we don't have the anguish of telling the world that we wont be getting our little bundle of joy. I am so happy for my wife as people close to us have told us that they are expecting so I'm glad my wife can join in with all the baby talk, even though she is being very conservative and rightly so, especially after what happened last year. Were in a different room this time but were still holding hands tighter than we ever have. "there's the baby's heartbeat" again I'm on top of the world, but I don’t get too carried away. After what happened last year My wife has to get a procedure that will involve getting a stitch to prevent ”PROM" The procedure was a success, I feel some weight lift off my shoulders and start to believe I am going to be a dad !  “IT’S a girl” she says as we both stare at the screen, tears of joy running down our faces. The name we decided on was "Aimee Olivia” a perfect name for a perfect little girl, I thought. Picking out pregnancy pillows and looking at buggies was becoming a nightly conversation along with wall decorations for the room as we were getting further along in the pregnancy. I was working away from home, constantly talking on the phone and checking in everyday to make sure everything was ok, Getting told how much she was kicking and wriggling about put the biggest smile on my face, getting pictures on how big the bump was getting making me wish I was kissing and talking to Aimee through the bump.  Sitting having some food before I head back to the hotel and my phone rings and it’s my wife “something is wrong” she never calls me. “I haven't felt her move all night, and I have cramping” my heart starts thumping but I know I HAVE to stay strong for her, everything comes rushing back to me from before but I block it out and say to myself “this cant happen again” she is away for a scan so I wait by the phone. “baby she is gone” I break down and try to call her but I cant get through the signal is terrible, I eventually manage. Her heart stopped beating they said, labour pains were starting to get worse, I felt helpless halfway across the world, I organised my flight home which was 5 hours away. I called my parents and everything seemed like a daze, I was fine until I spoke to someone then I would break down, they didn't know what to say, they were in shock also. My wife gave birth to our baby girl and I wasn't there to hold her hand, to give her words of comfort, it felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I slept for the first 5 hour flight, While I was waiting for my connecting flight I called my wife to tell her I was on my way and waiting for my next flight. The next flight was 8 hours and I hoped it would go by in a flash, an older woman sat next to me and started talking to me asking questions about where I was going etc, well I broke down. I explained everything that happened and she started crying and said a prayer for me which I thought was a very nice gesture. I wish I got her details to thank her for being next to and listening to me. I got home and my parents were waiting at the airport for me, my mum couldn't look at me as I knew she was ready to burst, my dad grabbed me and hugged me I felt the tears coming but I held back and grabbed my bag, this felt all to familiar and I dint know what I was going to say when I seen my wife.  As I opened up the door to the single room I pretty much collapsed on my wife and started crying, all I could say was “sorry” “I should have been here" she asked me if I wanted to see her and my immediate response was “yes" when she came in everything came flooding back from when this happened with Olivia but she was much bigger this time, my wife had been 27 weeks into her pregnancy when this happened. she was beautiful, again a beautiful baby pink blanket with a little hat. some photos had been taken and I looked at them, my wife holding her and looking at her perfect little face, these first pictures should bring joy not sadness. Again burial arrangements were made and the same man carried out the service and it was just the two of us. Aimee was buried across from her sister just 10 feet away, I liked this because I knew they were close to each other. “this isn't right” I said to myself, I shouldn't have to bury 1 child let alone 2. Of course I got the usual “but how are YOU” “I'm doing good, trying to be strong for my wife” which was true but it was killing me inside. Driving to and from the office I would cry in the car, I would get upset at work and have to walk outside incase anyone seen me, explaining to the few people at work that knew she was pregnant what happened. The whole time this was happening to us others that were pregnant were now having their baby’s. This was extremely hard on both of us but they knew what we were going through and were very understanding. I am no writer by any stretch of the imagination but I wanted to share my experience to anyone else going through something similar, There is nothing wrong with showing your feelings and that you are hurting. I have found that I ask myself what if  quite often. What if someone picked up that there was something wrong during a scan, what if I managed to get  her to the hospital sooner, what if I wasn't away working, what if I made sure she ate healthier, and what if I made her quit her job so she was at home instead of work. I know I am not alone with thinking what if ? If you are going through this then talk to people open up, mention their names all this helps.  Below is something I have found that I believe any man that has been through this type of situation will resinate with. It must be very difficult  To be a man in grief,  Since "men don't cry"  and "men are strong"  No tears can bring relief. It must be very difficult  To stand up to the test,  And field the calls and visitors  So she can get some rest. They always ask if she's all right  And what she's going through.  But seldom take his hand and ask,  "My friend, but how are you?" He hears her crying in the night And thinks his heart will break.  He dries her tears and comforts her,  But "stays strong" for her sake. It must be very difficult  To start each day anew.  And try to be so very brave-  He lost his baby too.

[sharperthewriter]

Chapter 24 of SFV

Chapter 24 - Day 2: Passing Ships

(2:50pm)

"Here we are, Stoppable troops! South Dakota!" Kim exclaimed as the Stoppable-mobile crossed the state line from Nebraska to South Dakota. "We are going to enjoy a full week of family time and good turkey!"

She then asked her husband.

"Ron, can you check and see if the lemon squares are still good in the back?"

Ron peered his head and saw the container that had the squares.

"They're good so far, KS!" Ron replied.

"Good! We need to make sure they do not get smushed up by any means."

"So that means we're here?" Justin asked from the back seat.

"Nope!" Kim said with a smile, "We still have about 3 1/2 hours of driving left."

"AWWWWWWW!"

Both the Stoppable kids moaned in the back seat, for they were going to have to deal with nothing but the boring South Dakota prairie all around them.

(French Narrator: 30 minutes later)

The Stoppable-mobile continued its way onward up US 83 north to get to Murdo, which was an hour away from their current point. They had just passed the small 1,000-soul town of Mission.

Kim put her hands on the steering wheel, her fingers gripping the rubber. It was relatively peaceful in the van with the rest of the Stoppables sound asleep It seems that all of the issues of the first day and the whole issue with the camper's tire today was behind them.

All of a sudden, she then heard the motor of a convertible. She had not seen a car on 83 for a good solid 15 miles.

Huh? Who could that be in this patch of God-forsaken-knows where?

Looking behind her, Kim saw the convertible, red in color, coming from behind. It was going at least the speed limit, which was 65 miles an hour. The motor of the car didn't wake up the other Stoppables because they were in a deep sleep. The convertible finally caught up to the minivan in the other lane because a) there were no other cars around for miles and b) there was no solid line, so other cars could pass the Stoppable-mobile.

Kim then studied the well-built young man. She estimated him to be in his late-20s, early 30s, He was very well-built, toned, and muscular and was smiling at her. He was also wearing a white tank top to show off the said muscular frame of his and baggy jeans that were a size too big for him, for it showed off his green tartan boxers and he was wearing said jeans below his buttocks.

But the two physical traits that were a dead giveaway to whom he was were a) his blue eyes and b) those frosted tips that he still styled on his hair.

It can't be!

Kim couldn't believe her eyes. Deep within the recesses of her memory bank, she finally knew who he was.

It was none other than her old crush: Joshua Wendell Mankey. This was the first time in almost 13 years that the two had seen each other face to face.

Kim exactly recalled the last time she had seen...or heard about...Josh.

(late-March 2006)

It seemed so quiet and peaceful within the hallowed halls at Middleton High. Kim, a junior at that point like the rest of her friends, grabbed her books from her locker. She didn't have to worry much with cheer practice now that both football and basketball seasons were over so practices were scaled back to just twice a week as opposed to four times a week. But something else occupied the student body at the high school, a four-letter word that elicits beautiful dresses and young boys on the verge of becoming men in tuxedos in a matter of the next three weeks.

Prom.

Everyone else,especially the cheer squad, was trying to figure out who was going to date whom. The star QB, Brick Flagg, was absolutely no contest. It was Bonnie whom was going to take him to the prom, though she wished he would stop staring at the girl with the giant hoops at the mall. As for Jessica, she was with Steve Foley. And for Tara, she had Josh Mankey by her side. For Kim, though, she was SOL. Her missions of saving the world from maniacal villains with global conquest dreams left her very little time in the way of dating. Bonnie, of course, mocked Kim endlessly for this, but the redhead usually ignored her banter.

Jessica, that day, came up to Kim and asked, "Heya, Kim!"

"Hey, Jess! What's the sitch?" Kim asked.

"Oh, you know that we have that chemistry test coming up on Friday, right?" Jess questioned.

"Yeah, I recall Barkin saying something about that. No need to worry, though. I'm going to ace it!" Kim exclaimed.

"Well, I got a text from Ron saying that he may need some help studying." Jess said, pulling out a text from her flipphone of Ron asking for help.

"That's so not like him." Kim said, "He's usually...how do I put it in his words...chillaxin' to a Scamper and Bitey marathon or challenging Rufus to a nacho stacking contest at Bueno Nacho."

"He may have had a change of heart as of late." Jess replied. "He and Tara need help in Chemistry class: Ron from a D to a C and Tara from a C to a B. So I have come up with the idea of a study group to help the both of them out."

"Yes..." Kim replied, knowing that one of the only classes Tara was struggling in her junior year was Chemistry. "...that is a very excellent idea! Why don't we gather at my house for Thursday night before that test on Friday!"

"Sure! What about 6pm?" Jess asked for a time.

"Sounds spankin' to me!" Kim replied, "And can you send a text to her, Monique, Zita and Felix about it as well!

"Sure do!" Jess replied.

(A couple of days later)

"Do we have everyone on board?" Kim asked. It was Thursday evening in front of her house and the sun was going down.

"I'm more than ready to take on Barkin's Chemistry test tomorrow..." Ron said, holding his chemistry book, "...I hope." Rufus, from his pocket, was holding the periodic table.

"I think we do." Zita said. She looked around and saw herself, Felix, Kim, Ron, Monique and Jessica.

"Wait, girl, we're missing one!" Monique exclaimed, "Where's Tara?"

"Dunno...come to think of it, I haven't seen her at school all day." Jess added with concern for her cheer friend.

Kim then felt a rumble from her cell.

"I'll get that!" she said, opening up her phone.

It was a text from Tara saying: Kim, meet me in the treehouse at my house. Bring only Ron and Monique with you.

"Guess me, Ron and Mon will have to head to Tara's to see what's the matter with her." Kim said.

"But what about us?" Zita asked, looking at Felix and Jess.

"We'll meet you three at my room." Kim replied, "Right now, Tara's sitch is more important...whatever it is..."

(10 minutes later)

Kim, Ron, and Monique came to the Queen house. Monique was the first to knock on the door.

Mrs. Amelda Queen opened it.

"Oh heya, Mrs. Queen!" Monique said, waving her hand. "Is Tara around?"

Amelda said, sighing, "The poor thing has been in her tree house ever since last night. Me and Paul were trying to figure out what it was, but all we heard was sobbing from there."

"We'll investigate what it is that's bugging her!" Kim replied. "If there is anyone in our group that has known Tara longer, it's me."

The trio then reached the backyard where Tara's treehouse was.

"Tara? You up there?" Kim asked.

Her question was answered by the sound of sobs.

Recognizing the sound, the trio climbed up the stairs to where Tara was at.

"Tara? What's the sitch?" Kim asked.

Tara's normally carefully prepared wavy blond hair was all messed up. Tears were streaming down her face. She had eaten very little since last night.

"Hey...Kim..." the blonde cheerleader said with a sniffle, trying to wipe away her tars. She then tried to articulate a name.

"J...J...J...J..."

Tara then finally screamed it out loud.

"JOSH MANKEY BROKE UP WITH MEEEEEEEEE!"

She cried loudly into Kim's arms.

(5 minutes later)

After her crying subsided, Kim gave Tara another tissue. The latter blew into it and tossed it aside. Tissues were all over the place around the treehouse.

"He was kissing another girl during Spring Break while me and the family took him to the beach. Apparently Josh was more interested in girls wearing bikinis than my one-kini..." Tara explained, tears still streaming down her eyes, "When I confronted him about this at the hotel, he told me that our relationshp was done and told me to kiss a horse's butthole, to put it mildly. He transferred to Lowerton High after that."

Kim shuddered, "And to think...I had a crush on that blue-eyed cheat!"

(end of flashback)

And now, all this time later, the 'cheat' that she was referring to was now driving on a US highway, all muscular and making goo-goo eyes at her.

Kim then looked at the now-muscular Josh and then back at her husband, still asleep, picking his nose and eating the mucus in his mouth, unaware of what was going on with his wife.

Heya, Kim! It's been a very long while! Josh mouthed without articulating any sound.

Kim, an expert at reading lips, replied sternly, also not making a sound to wake up Ron.

What the Hell do you want, Josh? I do not have time for this! I am on vacation.

Wanna spend some time with me? he said silently.

Sorry, Josh, I'm taken! Kim replied with a sarcastic smirk, showing off her wedding band, Thanks for the offer though!

We'll see about that! Josh said with a wink of his eye as he pulled away from the Stoppable-mobile. The license plate, California by the design of it, had the plate of LUV ME on it.

Kim just gave a look of disgust and kept on driving the Stoppable-mobile.

[catalinda04]

Carried Away Chapter 49: Confessions

Masterlist

Lucy awoke stiff, exhausted, and still wrapped around Henry. She allowed herself a moment to bask in his embrace, before she slowly extricated herself from his arm, she had almost succeeded when Henry tightened his grip, and drew her close again.

“Good morning Cupcake.” He mumbled, kissing the top of her head..

“Good morning Darcy.” She replied lifting her face to his for a good morning kiss. “Would you like to explain how it is that I am wearing what I’m wearing right now?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t remember anything after you took my stockings off.”

“After I rubbed your feet for a bit, you sleep-walked to the bathroom to get ready for bed. You somehow managed to take your contact lenses out without opening your eyes, it was quite a feat to behold. Then I helped you out of your dress, and into that.”

“So we didn’t…” She trailed off.

“We did not, as I mentioned, you were asleep.”

“I missed this. The lazy weekend morning, lounging in bed … snuggling … talking.” Lucy replied wistfully, burrowing into his chest.

“Well, I’m here now, and I wish nothing could drag me away.”

“You wish?”

“Well I have to leave on Wednesday, I have an appearance in Jersey next weekend, that I need to attend. Then from there it’s off to the premier next Thursday. I would love if you were able to attend with me.”

“May is such a hectic month for teachers. I’ll have to look at my calendar tomorrow and let you know. But you’ll be here for your birthday?”

“It would appear so.”

“I’ll have to plan something special then.”

“Speaking of planning something special, how about I take you out to lunch.”

“I like that idea, as I’m not 100% sure what kind of food I actually have in the kitchen, we’ll have to go to the grocery store afterward.”

Lucy showered and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. She grabbed a book while Henry was taking his shower. Not long after she heard the shower start, Lucy heard a noise coming from the kitchen table. Upon investigation, she found Henry’s phone ringing. The screen indicated that Dany was calling. Lucy answered.

“Hello. Henry’s phone.” Lucy answered.

“Lucy?” Dany asked hesitantly.

“That would be me.”

“Well, I guess that answers my question. Is everything back to rights then? Or are you answering his phone because he is currently decomposing deep in some northern Minnesota forest?”

Lucy laughed, “Just about. Henry’s in the shower.”

“Well, I was just calling to see how last night went, but I have my answer, though I do have a couple of things to discuss with Henry, if you’d have him call me later.”

“Sure thing, and Dany, thank you. Henry told me you slapped some sense into him, literally.”

“Men are stupid, some more than most, but you’ve got a good one there, he just needed to have his vision adjusted.”

“Well, again, thank you, and I’ll tell him to call you later.” She disconnected the call and put the phone back on the table. Henry’s phone reminded her to check her own. She was unsurprised to find several missed messages. Not just from Heather, and her mother, but all of the Cavill sisters-in-law had texted her, obviously Heather had shared the news. She also had over 50 Instagram notifications, the kids must have posted their pictures from the night, and tagged her school account.

She called her mom first, assuming that it would be the most difficult call to handle. Lucy dialed her parent's phone number, praying no one would answer. She wasn't that lucky. Her mother answered.

"Hi mom."

"Hi Lucy. How are you this morning."

"I'm good. Did you get the picture I sent you last night?"

"I did. I would seem you had some excitement at prom last night."

"I did." Lucy agreed.

Her mother sighed heavily. "Tell me what happened.”

“He was waiting for me when we got to the dance. He explained why he’d been stupid. I’ve forgiven him on a probationary basis.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”

“I don’t think you need to know all the details, but he apologized, and explained his side of things. I believed him, and forgave him.”

“I’m just worried, it was two months, and you still weren’t back to your old self.”

“I know mom, I couldn’t get over him because I still love him. But rest assured, I am happy. And if he does hurt me again, that would be the last time. He won’t get another chance.”

Her mother sighed. “You’re a grown woman, and it’s your life. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“So you’ll be friendly to Henry when I bring him around?”

“I don’t know about friendly just yet, but I’ll be civil.”

“Can you talk to dad? Get the same promise out of him?”

“I’ll try.”

“I just wanted to let you know what was going on. I have a couple other calls to make, so I’m going to go now.”

“Ok. Bye honey.”

“Bye mom.”

Lucy disconnected the call, and scrolled to Heather’s name in her phone book. She had missed her conversations with Heather. She understood being in Henry’s life better than her other friends. She found Heather’s number in her contacts, and pressed connect.

Heather answered on the first ring.

“Hello!” Heather all but yelled into the phone.

“Hi Heather. I take it you got my text last night.”

“You could have knocked me over with a feather. First when I saw that you had texted, then I saw what you had texted. Charlie thought there had been some kind of accident, from the way I screamed when I opened the picture. So he’s come to his senses? What happened? What did he say?”

“I’m not going to go into all the details, if you want them, ask him when he’s home next weekend. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you, or he’ll tell Charlie, and Charlie will tell you.” Lucy laughed.

“I’m so happy for you two. We could all tell he was hurting, but he wouldn’t talk to anyone about it. Not even Charlie, they tell each other practically everything. He was glad to see his brother smiling again. So what’s the plan now?”

“Well, we’re going for lunch as soon as Henry’s done in the shower.” Lucy said jokingly.

“You know I meant further than that.”

“I don’t know. We haven’t had a chance to talk about it really. I’ve been working or sleeping since he surprised me, and a noisy ballroom full of teenagers is not exactly the best environment for having any sort of deep conversations about our future.”

“Ok, well, I’ll let you go, but we’ll have to schedule a long talk soon, I want to know what’s been happening in your life. I’ve missed talking to you.”

“I’ll let you know when’s a good time. I’ve missed you too. But I have to go, Henry’s almost ready to go.”

“Ok, bye, Say hello to Hank for me and Charlie.”

“Will do. Bye!” Lucy said cheerfully, and ended the call, just as Henry came around the corner from the bathroom barefoot, in jeans and a t-shirt.

“Heather and Charlie say hi.” Lucy informed him.

“When did you talk to them?” he asked, reaching for his phone and slipping it into his pocket.

“Just now. I texted Heather last night.” She showed him the picture Emma had taken. “I missed talking to her.”

“That’s a great picture, would you send it to me?” Henry asked.

She sent the picture and they discussed where to get lunch, finally settling on Mexican. While they ate their meal, they kept the conversation neutral. Both knowing they had a major conversation looming, but not wanting to have that discussion in public.

When the check for their meals came, Henry opened his wallet to retrieve enough cash to cover it. Lucy noticed a very familiar shade of teal poking up from the section of his wallet where bills are kept. Henry made to put his wallet back in his pocket, but Lucy put her hand over his, stalling his action. She lightly took the wallet, and opened it. Producing her letter from its depths. When she had written the letter, the paper had been crisp and new. Now the edges were tattered and dirty, while the folds had gone soft, as though the paper had been opened and refolded numerous times. Lucy raised her eyes to Henry’s. “How many times have you read this?” she asked tentatively.

“I’ve read it at least once a day for the last month. It’s been the last thing I saw before going to sleep and the first thing I saw when I woke for a month. I didn’t find it until I went home to Jersey for Easter. I guess you could say I’ve been torturing myself with it since then.” He said, his eyes shining with remembered pain.

“Oh, Henry.” she said, covering his hands with hers. They were silent for several long seconds before Lucy wiped the tears from her eyes. “Why don’t we go home. I feel like we have a lot to say to each other.” Lucy said quietly, sliding out of the booth. Henry slid out too. Lucy took his hand in hers, needing to feel connected to him.

They drove the short distance back to Lucy’s house in silence, each lost in their thoughts. Lucy poured herself a glass of water, and sat on one end of the couch, with her legs tucked underneath her. Henry assumed a similar pose on the opposite end of the couch. Lucy smiled, thinking how such a large man could look so small. They stared at each other for several minutes, sorting their thoughts, neither wanting to be the first to speak.

Finally, unable to stand the quiet Lucy started. “Henry, I love you.”

Henry cut her off, “Darling, I never doubted that you love me.” he said, but Lucy stopped him.

“Let me say this. Henry, I love you, but you hurt me. You hurt me more than anyone or anything ever has. I trusted you. I gave myself to you, body and soul, and it felt like you just threw it away. Things were so good between us, and then they just weren’t, then you were gone. And I was left wondering what I had done wrong. I cried for weeks. And I tried to pull myself out, but normally when I’m down, I watch Pride and Prejudice. But I couldn't, at the first mention of Mr. Darcy, I started bawling again. Then I got mad. You ruined Pride and Prejudice for me.” Lucy stopped, as her eyes started to tear again.

Henry saw his window, and jumped in. “Lucy, I love you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I genuinely thought I was doing it for your benefit. First I saw you in your classroom, with your students. They adore you, and you them. Teaching is what you were born to do. Then you said you didn’t know what you would do if you weren’t teaching. I did some research to find out if you could teach in the UK. I didn’t understand everything, but it seemed like a possibility. So I asked you if you’d ever consider moving to Europe. You said it was too far away from your family. So I did what I thought was the right thing, and I left.”

Lucy’s eyes had taken on a distant look, before she gasped and covered her mouth. “Henry, is that why you asked if I’d ever considered moving to Spain?” When he nodded in response she continued, “Henry, I said I didn’t want to move to Spain because it was too far away from my family, AND because I didn’t know anyone there. If I moved to London to be with you, I would have people. I’d have you, and your brothers, and sisters-in-law, and nephews. I’d have a family there. When I said that I meant I didn’t want to move by myself.”

“I realized that after I read your letter, but by then I had been gone for over a month, and, I guess I was embarrassed at my behavior. I kept your letter with me, as a reminder of what we had shared. Before the letter, I had my conviction that I was doing the right thing for you, but after I knew I had thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to me. It took Dany shaking me out of my head, and hitting some sense into me,” he smiled at the joke, “for me to realize that I had to try. Even if you kicked me out, I could see you again.”

“When I saw you waiting there, I didn’t know what to do. I was angry, and sad, and hopeful. And you looked so good standing there in that suit.” She smiled.

“I’ve never been as nervous in my life, as I was standing there, waiting for you to arrive, then watching you decide if you wanted to come talk to me.” he smiled.

“You’ve got Emma to thank for that.”

“Then I believe flowers are in store for Emma this week.”

“She’d like that.” Lucy said thoughtfully.

“Lucy, I know it’s going to take some time for us to be comfortable together again, but please, tell me what you’re thinking. All of this could have been solved, if I had just said what I really thought. I’ll promise to do the same.”

“I can do that. In fact, I’ll tell you what I’m thinking right now. Right now I’m thinking how long it’s been since I’ve really kissed you.” she said, crawling across the couch to him.

“And I’m thinking that we should change that right now.” he smiled, pulling her to him. Their lips came together tentatively. Taking the time to re-learn each other. Henry unfolded his legs, and scooted down to lay on the couch, with Lucy on top of him. Their kisses varied from sweet and light to hot and deep. Henry’s hands slowly caressed Lucy’s back, eventually resting on her bum. Slowly his hands moved back up to the hem of her shirt, slipping underneath. When his hands made contact with her bare back, she stopped, and pulled away from the kiss.

“Henry, I…” she stammered, “...I don’t think I’m ready for us to make love again. My heart has forgiven you, but my head is a stubborn bitch. She won’t let me forget the pain and heartache so fast. So can we just lay here and snog for a while, but know that it’s not going to go any further than that?”

“Of course, Cupcake. I don’t want to rush you into anything.” He gave her quick peck, “you said, snog.” he laughed at her.

“Before you left, I was trying to work more Britishisms into my speech, and snog is a fun one. Fun to say, fun to do.”

“I agree.” he said capturing her mouth again.

Much later, when both of their jaws had grown tired, Lucy and Henry walked the few short blocks to Emma’s house to retrieve Henry’s rental. They knocked, and Emma answered promptly. One glance at Lucy’s face told Emma all she needed to know. Her friend was happy, and she was going to be supportive.

“Hey Em, thanks for driving it home last night. It saved us a lot of time. And thanks for helping chaperone. Did you have a good time?”

“I did, except my date dumped me.” she winked.

“Sorry, he’s cuter than you are.” Lucy retorted. “But we need to be going. Henry has some phone calls to make and I need to go to the grocery store. See you tomorrow!” Henry drove Lucy back to her house. He parked and went inside to call Dany, while she went grocery shopping.

Lucy wandered the aisles of the grocery store, her head in a fog. Henry was back. He still loved her. He hadn’t come out and said it, but he’d implied that he wanted her to move to London with him. It was amazing how much her life could change in 24 hours.

When she arrived back home, Lucy called Heather. Henry’s sister-in-law had been a great friend to her during the two months they’d known each other, before the split. It had been almost as hard for Lucy to lose Heather as it had been to lose Henry. But now she had them both back.

The two women chattered away like magpies. Catching up on each other’s lives since the last time they’d talked. Lucy heard all about Heather’s photography adventures, and Charlie’s skiing excursions. “Why weren’t you skiing?” Lucy asked Heather.

“Henry didn’t tell you?” Heather asked shocked.

“We haven’t really had much time for talking about another other than us.” Lucy explained.

“I was too sick to go skiing.” Heather said, and Lucy was about to ask what was wrong, when Heather continued. “Morning sickness is a bitch.” She said elatedly.

“You’re pregnant! Oh! Congratulations!” Lucy exclaimed.

“We told everyone over Easter. It’s the reason we all got together for Easter, we normally don’t. But I’m not just pregnant. It’s a girl!”

“Ah!” Lucy screamed! “The first Cavill girl in 3 generations! What did Marianne say? She must have been elated.”

“We haven’t told them yet that it’s a girl. We’re going to tell them when we’re there this weekend, so swear Hank to secrecy.” Heather warned.

“Oh, I will. Oh, Heather! Congratulations! When are you due?” Lucy asked.

“Early October. I’d love if you could come for a baby shower. It’s not that far to fly. I know Marianne will try to come, but the other sisters-in-law I don’t think will be able to. I’d love to have you there.”

“Just tell me when and where, and I’ll be there. If I lived closer, I’d even bake the cake, but cakes don’t fly well.”

“I’ll keep you posted. Oh Marianne is going to be so happy next weekend. Henry is back together with you, and happy, and she’s finally getting the granddaughter she’s always wanted.”

“2015 is shaping up to be quite spectacular.” Lucy agreed.

Chapter 48              Chapter 50

[sartrecamus2018-blog]

2018 Review

Welcome back to the second part of my greatly anticipated 2018 Review; in part 1 we looked at my favourite film and music from this year, but now I look at all the social events that taken place this past year. It’s been a varied year to say the least but I wouldn’t really change any of it - the payoff at the end was more than worth the mediocre time before that. Before I get to my award let me have a quick look back at the year:

Firstly, the opening couple of months were still being affected by the dumpster fire of drama that came at the end of 2017, which was tiring to say the least. As soon as it seemed over something else cropped up and all the unnecessary drama began again. It took its toll on me, no way was I going to get involved in something like that again. Fortunately at this time, the band was really starting to come together, meaning I spent a lot of my time doing research on songs, and learning how to play them. That took my mind off so much and was a real help. It would be wrong of me not to mention how big of a deal the offer from Exe was, which arrived in mind March; this was my dream place, and it gave something to really aim for during study leave and revision throughout term 3. That was  quite the drag to say the least, and was more or less completely forgettable apart from Eminem helping me through the most torturous of times. I owe him a lot for that. Exams finish and summer comes and I leave my humble abode to travel a few thousand miles away for a job that I didn’t get, so was left stranded for 10 weeks... Fortunately Spotify and later Netflix got me through, as did the light at the end of the tunnel - university; I must have thought about and hyped up university an incredible amount in those few months. To say I had to grind through those long weeks was an understatement, but I guess what came afterwards made up for it. The slight bump was results day which was an unqualified failure, to say I was robbed would be an understatement. I’m sure there’s a parallel world where I get in and things go swimmingly, but I wouldn’t dare trade that for what I have now. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. After sulking for a bit I got off my arse and decided to join a little group chat for my course, commenting on someone’s post who meant nothing to be at time - how things change.I truly believe this has a huge role to play in what happened when I finally got there. I had joined an Exe group chat and had a lot of fun on that, so it was weird with all these new people; then again, I knew when to limit my perhaps less endearing qualities. That said, I started talking about how Disney films made me ball my eyes out 5 minutes into a group call, so I don’t know if I really stuck to the plan. This was the second group call, and the first one saw me being far more “cool”, or so I thought. I cannot stress enough how different things might have been if I hadn’t joined that chat, or if one of the more important members hadn’t taken a leap of faith had joined it too. The chat really kept me going through the last few weeks before we started. So we start and freshers week is a blast and totally unlike anything I had ever experienced; the freedom and the opportunity and the freshness of it all just totally blew me away. But aside from the big nights out, there were small things that really made it special - walking round campus with a couple of people from the group chat was almost surreal - I couldn’t believe I was actually there. Those two people I formed quite an attachment with over the following weeks - how can you not when you’re sharing late and wild club nights, along with the occasional kitchen-drinking-session until the early hours of the morning. One of two piccolo sessions saw a tally of cheek begin, it may have started with one person, but it ended with another running far ahead. It was magical to say the least, like properly incredible stuff; then it began to get better, suddenly going over to watch Netflix became naps together, laying in bed listening to Spotify, twirling hands in one another. Saying goodbye at 3 in morning was steadily becoming a more and more long-winded process. We both tried to suppress what we were feeling, I think, but thinking about it now, it was pretty obvious wasn’t it? There’s something remarkably special about that calm before the storm; maybe it was the emotional tension between Vince and Precious or between Vince and Howard that sealed the deal. “Do you love me?”, hmm, “Can you learn to love me?”, I’d like that. Then on the most expected of nights - the visiting of one ELF - things were sealed. But first, maybe it was her endearing qualities that made me think that I’d quite like this family, or her reckless attitude that sort of worn off on me, and made go do what I did. I’ve now complimented her than the actual subject of this, so let me tell you what I was in for: someone who is, above all, her own person and won’t ever change that. She can be snarky and teasing, but ultimately has the most caring and loving heart; her interests are so very much her, whether it be the somewhat childish indulgences of one particular franchise, or truly challenging music. She is honestly the most full and fascinating person I have come across, who still manages to surprise me. I’m going to have fun trying to figure her out for however long I’m allowed.

Okay that was a tangent haha... oh dear. Anyways! So that Thursday, well what more needs to be said other than it went above the magic of the previous month to a level that’s really only been achieved once before. It was proper 0 AD, starting point, life-begins-here kind of stuff, the kind of which I’m feel so privileged to experience. So in the early hours of the morning, outside on a picnic field our outsides were freezing but inside I don’t think I’ve ever been filled with so much warmth. The circumstances may have not been perfect, but the moment was, and gosh I wish that conversation was written down, because I think it might be the most beautiful conversation I’ve been involved. Goosebumps just thinking about it. When we released her looked at each other again, she looked remarkably different. The rest of the night was just perfect - no sleep, and getting to spend it with her tired and confused but feeling more emotion than I had for a very, very long time. It’s a night I’m going to tell the story of for a long, long time to come. Best night of my life? Yeah go on, what’s to lose. ❤

Two and a bit months on from that... woah hold there, let’s take it slow.

So November comes and wow that I don’t think I’ve spent more time with anyone in one period of time. But I’m not complaining, anything but. I can gladly say I’ve shed all of my “firsts” in the month. The first kiss was a bit of a disaster really, but I’ll take it, the emotion and need was pretty incredible. We became a lot better at it, to be fair. Some things started off really well, and well, have only managed to get better and better. A lot of the nights were just spent with Netflix and Spotify and some food and I wouldn’t dare ask for more. It may sound somewhat basic, but those nights will always be the best, and we had a lot of them. There were a couple of more adventurous nights; the Yule Ball, for one, was like the prom I never had, and the kisses in the middle of this grand old building were nothing short of perfect. McDonald's and Subway dates were also a real highlight. November rolls into December and, writing this now, I’m beginning to find it hard to distinguish one perfect night from the next - not a complaint, once again. The final week becomes the final night, and with the help of Billy Mack and co. made it a genuinely perfect night. that ended with us asleep in each others arms. It was beyond beautiful.

When we reunite we would have been apart for four weeks.

I’m here on the final might of this frankly awful period of my life having caused so much unnecessary anxiety and stress for me and her. I don’t know whether I deserve to even post this now, or tell her how I can’t live without her. I hate what I’ve done to her, and there will come a time when I’m sure she gets sick of it. There was the night at the hill, the message when she went to get back her tattoo the first time, and now several times where I’ve hidden something from her. I want to promise her I can change, but it hurts every time I break that promise. I hope this is just the blues at the beginning of any relationship, when we’re still getting to grips with what it is like to have someone else to care for, someone else who needs you and relies on you. I’ve never had that before, maybe that’s why I’m so bad at it. Anyone else would have run away by now, I know it, and I almost want to encourage it, for her sake. But if this is the lowest point then I’ll take that, because that means we can only go up from here. I want to do that with her, desperately, and it’s selfish of me to ask for that, I know, because I don’t deserve it. She believes she’s a pain but she really isn’t, she’s totally committed, always honest, and while those gut punches may hurt, that fades and I’m left laughing. I don’t dare laugh in this situation. Of all people, she deserves to be treated the best, and I can honestly say I haven’t done that. I feel guilty, I feel I might be abusing her trust, and I feel like I’m wasting this incredible opportunity. We need a code-word for when I’m not feeling great, like “Kid A” or something.

And now it’s the final night before I return and despite this being the like quite frankly and awful day; I just hope that we can move on from this whole thing. However the reunion happens it’ll be perfect one way or another, and then this will all fade into a distant memory. I know laying with you again will be indescribable.

I’m sorry, I love you. 

[sincerely-us-imagines]

It’s all about the money, honey (pt 2) (connor murphy x reader)

alternatively titled “it’s not about the money, honey”

Part 1 is here

I got a lot of good feedback on part 1 so thank you so so so much for that!!

It’s almost 1 am and I have to be up in like 6 hours and there is no way in hell im proofing this tonight lmao

also this is seriously 10 pages long i’m soRRY ITS A LOT

warnings: swearing, a teeny tiny bit of angst, asshole cousins i think thats it? also i tossed in some of my personal hc’s for evan oops

“So does this mean you’re done prostituting yourself out to Murphy?” Jared asked after you told him what went down Friday night.

Evan shot Jared a disproving look.

“I’m not a prostitute, Jared. I was just--”

“Getting paid for the “girlfriend experience” by someone who can’t get laid?” he popped a baby carrot into his mouth. Evan and Jared were the only two who actually knew what was going on between you and Connor. And sometimes you regretted telling the latter. Like right now, for instance.

“I never slept with him, Jared. I never even kissed him. The most I ever did was like, hold his hand.”

“Somehow that’s even more pathetic on his behalf.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Evan asked, ignoring Jared completely.

“I don’t know. He’ll probably make up a story to tell his parents why we broke up.” you tried to sound nonchalant about the entire thing. You barely tolerated each other away from his family, so why did this feel like the end of an actual relationship?

“Uh oh,” Evan said, eyes locked behind you.

“Well speak of the goddamn devil.” Jared laughed.

You turned around to see Connor approaching you from behind. He looked horrible. There were deep purple circles under his eyes and his hair was a frizzy unwashed mess. You pushed down any feeling of pity you had for him as he walked up to you.

“I need to talk to you.” he said.

“Just tell them we broke up. It doesn’t need to be a discussion.”

Evan shifted uncomfortably across from you while Jared watched on, clearly amused.

“I don’t want to-- just. Please, can we talk?”

You sighed and gestured to the seat beside you.

“Fine.”

Connor eyed your friends.

“Away from them?”

You rolled your eyes but picked up your bag nonetheless.

“I’ll see you guys in econ.” you told them, giving a small wave before following Connor to an empty lunch table in the back corner of the cafeteria.

“Look, Y/n, I’m really sorry. You were just trying to play along and do what you thought would be best. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It’s fine.” you shrugged it off as if it were nothing. As if you totally hadn’t cried yourself to sleep Friday night after you got home, or spent all of Saturday at Evan’s place ranting about it.

“It isn’t. I was an asshole and you didn’t deserve it.”

“Yeah, you really were.” you agreed. His jaw clenched and he took a deep breath. It brought you a small sense of satisfaction to know you got on his nerves.

“If you’re still willing, I want us to keep… doing this,” he gestured between the two of you and took a deep breath, as if what he would say next was going to hurt him.

“And for you to come with me to my cousin’s wedding.”

You blinked at him, a bit taken aback.

“You… You actually want me to go? You can just tell your family I’m busy that day or something.”

“No, I, uh,” he sighed, “I want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with my family.” He looked down and began to pick at his chipped nail polish. “Things, um, they aren’t as bad when you’re there.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face.

“Aww Connie,” you cooed and poked his cheek, “do you like having me around?”

He flushed pink and swatted your hand away.

“No! You just… don’t always totally suck to be around.”

You put a hand over your chest in an exaggerated manner.

“Oh Con, that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes at you, “And don’t call me ‘Con’.”

“If you say so, Lawrence.” you shrugged, smirking.

He only ignored you.

“So we’re cool?” He asked, glancing over at you.

“We are.”

“Okay so the wedding is the 1st of next month. It starts at 3 but it’s like an hour away so i’ll be there at around 12:30 so we’ll have time to get gas and maybe stop and get a drink for the road and still get there a little early.”

“Got it.” You nodded, punching the information into your phone’s calendar.

“Cool.” He stood up to leave but stopped. “Also, uh, do you maybe wanna come over for dinner thursday? My mom said she’ll make that casserole thing you like.”

“They asked me back already?” you were kind of surprised. It was usually every other week you came over.

Connor was quiet for a few seconds while he adjusted the strap on his messenger bag.

“Uh, yeah. They did.” he wasn’t looking at you. “I’ll see you in science, yeah?”

“Of course.” you answered, a little confused by his behavior.

He mumbled a goodbye and headed off, leaving you wondering what the hell was going on with him.

The last couple weeks of the month flew by and the 1st came up sooner than you’d expected. You were ready at 12, having had Evan come over to help you with your hair. He was actually really good at, which was surprising with how bad his hands shake. He said he learned to braid in boy scouts when he was little and used to do his mom’s hair all the time when he was younger. You’d have to ask him is he would do your hair for prom, too.

You wondered if Connor would ask you to prom. Just to appease his parents, of course. It would only make sense for a boyfriend-- a fake boyfriend- to ask his fake girlfriend to their senior prom. It’s all fake, Y/n. you remind yourself. He doesn’t actually care about you like that.

You shook the thoughts from your head and straightened out your outfit, a pretty swing dress with a  lace overlay. Connor pulled up at 12:15 and just kind of… sat in the driveway. After watching him from your bedroom window for a couple minutes you went downstairs to say goodbye to your mother (who was quite excited for you to be going on a “date”. And kept giving you that knowing Mom Look) and headed outside towards Connor’s car.

You approached the door and looked inside to see him sitting there, scrolling through his phone. You knocked on the window and he jumped, looking over at the window with wide eyes. He unlocked the door and you climbed in, laughing at him.

“Why were you just sitting in the driveway?” you asked, pulling on your seatbelt

“I was early and I didn’t want to bother you, so I was just going to wait until 12:30 to text you.”

“Since when do you care about bothering me? That’s, like, all you do.” You looked over at Connor to find his eyes fixed on you. You shifted uncomfortably and adjusted your dress.

“Uh, Connor? Is something wrong?”

“Yeah.” You tilted your head in confusion at him. “I mean- no. No, nothing’s wrong.”

He turned back to face forward and put the car in reverse, backing out of your driveway,

“Okay… Well, um, you look really nice.” you told him. And it was the truth. He had his long curls pulled back into a bun, wearing black dress pants and oxfords with a maroon suit jacket over a pink shirt with a tasteful floral print tie. It was a very classic look, but with a fun twist. And it looked great on him.

“Zoe said I look like a bellhop.” he grumbled. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t.” you assured him, “You look really, really handsome, Connor.”

The tips of his ears turned pink at your compliment.

“Thanks. You look okay too, I guess.” he said in a teasing tone.

“Asshole!” you laughed, hitting him lightly on the arm.

“I’m kidding, Christ!” he laughed too. “Really though, you look great.”

“Thank you, Connor.” you smiled and rolled your eyes, trying to fight the heat rising in your cheeks.

Connor pulled into the 7-Eleven down the street from your house, parking beside a pump and turning the car off.

“You want anything?” he asked as he opened the door.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Nothing?”

“No, Connor. Thank you though.”

He shrugged and shut the door and you waited until he was in the building before pulling out your phone and snapping a picture of yourself, sending it to the group chat with Jared and Evan.

Jare-Bear: damn. hot mama.

Ev: you look great!

Ev: you sprayed your hair again before you left right?

You: yes, ev

You: thank you

Jare-Bear: evan ur gay

Ev: only half

Ev: ish

Jare-Bear: whats connor wearing

Jare-Bear: a trenchcoat and bandolier?

Ev: jared, thats not funny

You: can you not be an asshole for like 2 minutes?

You: he looks really good, actually

Ev: think you can get a picture with him?

Jare-Bear: why? So u can have material to jack off to both murphy siblings

Ev: shut the hell up

You glanced up from your phone to see Connor walking back towards the car with a plastic bag.

You: gtg

You: message you guys later <3

Ev: okay have fun!

Jare-Bare: use condoms

You stuff your phone in your purse and watch Connor leans against the car as he pumps the gas. He tugs the little curls at the nape of his neck, the ones that wouldn’t fit into the bun, twisting them around his finger and letting them spring free. A nervous habit, you assume. A replacement for his usual compulsion of running his hand through his hair, probably. Why do you know that? That’s so weird that you like, consciously recognize that. What the hell--

The nozzle clicks and you quickly turn to look straight ahead, pretending like you hadn’t just been analyzing his behavior.

He opened the door and folded himself into the driver’s seat, starting up the car. Once getting situated, he opened the center console and pulled out a bottle of hand sanitizer, squirting a few pumps into his hands and rubbing them together.

“What?” he asked when he realized you were looking at him.

“Nothing.”

“Do you have any idea how dirty gas pumps are?”

“I don’t suppose I do.”

“Well, they’re fucking filthy.”

“I believe you.” you couldn’t help the amused grin spreading across your face.

“Then what’s so goddamn funny?” he was pretending to be angry, but you could tell he was fighting back a smile.

“You’re just so…” Please don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it, y/n.

“I’m so…?”

Cute. You’re fucking cute, Connor, okay? Everything you’ve done today has been unbearably adorable and I can’t stand it.

“We should go.” you say instead, glancing at the clock on the dashboard.

He eyed you suspiciously but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, but first,” he dug around in the plastic bag and handed you a bottle of water and a pack of M&M’s. You looked down at them and then back up at him.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything but I thought since it’s kind of a long drive you might… y’know, change your mind or something.” his voice suddenly changed from it’s half bashful tone to something a little stronger, but still light. “And I’m not about to pull over for you to go get a snack or some shit. So really it’s in my best interest, y’know. Just so I don’t have to hear you whine.”

“Sure.” you smile, taking a sip of water

“Whatever.” there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips as he pulls out onto the road.

“Thank you, Connor. Really.”

Connor turns on the radio in favor of answering you.

Connor pulls into the parking lot of a rather large synagogue roughly an hour later. He finds a parking spot near his parents’ SUV.

“Holy shit,” you say, getting out of the car and admiring the architecture of the building. Connor snorted as he rounded the car to come get you.

“Oh, oops.” you covered your mouth, realizing what you’d just said.

“You are such a dork.” Connor smiled, holding his arm out for you to take.

“Shut up.” you laughed, nudging him.

Inside the synagogue you met up with Cynthia, Larry, Zoe, and their grandmother, who greeted you both with a big hug and kiss. and found your seats. You talked easily to Connor and Zoe until more people began filing in, filling up the pews. The ceremony was simple yet beautiful, and the bride’s dress was utterly breathtaking. You didn’t know them, sure, but you did tear up a bit (which made Connor smirk and poke you in the side).

After the ceremony and before the reception, Connor, after being instructed to by his parents, bashfully introduced you to some of his other family, all of whom commented on either how well Connor did or how beautiful you were. Except for one cousin.

He seemed to be a few years younger than you, maybe 15 or so. Connor immediately tensed when he saw him approach. He looked over towards his parents, almost like a scared kid would, but they were too wrapped up in a conversation with some third time removed somebody to even notice.

“Hey, hey! Larry Junior! How’s it going?” the kid said, clapping a hand over Connor’s shoulder.

“Don’t call me that.” Connor said, glaring at him, and taking a step back to escape his cousin’s grasp.

The kid put his hands up in mock-surrender.

“No need for aggression, buddy. Don’t need a repeat of your 6th grade summer, do we?”

You glanced up at Connor in confusion.

“Oh he didn’t tell you?” the kid continued, “He had to go to, what was it called, Connor?”

“You need to shut up. Now.” Connor growled.

Connor was at least a head taller than this kid, and one of the most intimidating people you’d ever met. Why wasn’t he scared?

“Oh yeah!” the kid snapped, “”Behavioral Correction Camp”! He didn’t tell you that, did he?”

You stayed quiet, chewing on the inside of your mouth anxiously.

“Anyway,” he continued after getting no response for you, “how long have you been dating this charming cousin of mine?”

“Three and a half months.” you said, grabbing Connor’s hand protectively.

“And what exactly are you doing with him?”

“What?”

“Why are you with him? We thought Connor would never get a girlfriend. He was such a problem child, freaked out over every little thing, threw tantrums.” the kid laughed a little, “Hell, the reason he had to go to Batshit Crazy Camp was because he beat the shit out of me when we were younger, isn’t that right?”

Connor was absolutely fuming. You could feel his hand shaking in yours. His jaw was clenched so tight it was a wonder his teeth didn’t just shatter. He was using a lot of self control right now, that much was evident.

“You wanna know why I’m with him?” you asked, squeezing Connor’s hand tighter, “Not that I owe you any kind of answer. I’m with him because he’s sweet and thoughtful. He cares about me and my feelings and my wellbeing. He’s got a great sense of humor and he gets me. He makes me feel like no one else can. He can be gentle despite everything he’s been through, despite what people like you say to him, and he admits when he’s wrong and he’s trying. He tries so hard to be a good person. And he is a good person. And that’s a lot more than I can say about you.” You didn’t realize you were crying until you finished talking. You wiped your eyes on the back of your free hand before tugging him towards the big wooden doors out to the parking lot.

“The reception is in half an hour, you two! We’ll meet you there!” you hear Cynthia shout cheerfully as you leave the building.

You walked to the car, not letting go of Connor’s hand until it was absolutely necessary.

Once inside, you pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror, wiping at your eyes with a napkin from your purse, doing your best not to smear your makeup. You took a swallow of water from the bottle he bought you earlier before taking a calming breath.

“I’m sorry.” you told him, shaking your head. “I-I didn’t mean to--”

“Y/n, shh. He grabbed your hand and laced his fingers through yours. “Thank you. For saying all that. You didn’t have to do that.”

“What was I supposed to do? Just stand there and let him insult you? Connor, you’re my--” you cut yourself off. He wasn’t your boyfriend. He wasn’t really your friend, either. That doesn’t mean what you said wasn’t true, though. “I care about you.” you finished, looking out the window.

“I care about you too.”

“Shut up.” you smiled, not looking at him.

“Wanna head towards the hotel for the reception?” Connor asked, removing his hand from yours. You nodded and he put the car in gear.

You pulled out your phone and opened your group chat.

You: shit you guys

You: this is bad

Ev: ????

Jare-Bear: did he hurt you

You: no

You: i think i like him

Ev: really?

Ev: like, LIKE like?

Jare-Bear: gay

Ev: hey jared?

Jare-Bear: ya

Ev: shut up

Ev: for once in your life

You: yeah

You: i think so

Jare-Bear: i thought you had better taste than that

You: shut up

Ev: shut up

Ev: just be happy for her

Ev: unless youre about to like

Ev: profess your undying love for her

Ev: then its really not your business

You: thank you ev <3

Jare-Bear: i think shes just in denial u know

Jare-Bear: using murphy as a distraction from her lifelong crush on me

Jare-Bear: its okay u can tell me

You: lmao

Jare-Bear: rude

You: thats me

You put your phone on silent so it wouldn’t constantly buzz with Jared and Evan’s inevitable bickering.

“You want something to drink?” Connor shouted over the music. The reception turned out to be one hell of a party. There was tons of food and drinks, flashing lights and balloons and streamers and a massive dance floor, and it was loud. Really loud. It was kind of like prom, but with a lot of old people.

You nodded and gave him a thumbs up in confirmation. He got up and wandered off towards the far wall where the refreshments were.

You made small talk with Zoe until he came back.

He handed you a clear plastic cup full of what you assumed to be sparkling cider, and clinked his own against it in a toast. You smiled and took a sip. You froze, eying him as you swallowed.

“Connor,” you said slowly, “Is this alcohol?”

“Yup.” he grinned, taking a big swallow from him own cup. You didn’t bother asking questions. You didn’t really care how he got it.

You laughed and talked about nothing in particular for a while.

“Oh, I like this song.” you commented absently as the first few notes played over the speakers. Connor stood up pulled off his jacket, laying over the back of the chair, and held his hand out.

“Dance with me?” he asked.

“What?” you almost laughed.

“Will you dance with me?”

“I don’t know how.” you admitted.

“I’ll show you.”

“You can dance?”

“Is that so surprising?” he feigned offense.

“I mean, yeah.” you laughed.

“Just come on, jerk.”

He took your hand and lead you towards the center of the dance floor.

“Okay, now put your hand here.” he placed your hand on his shoulder. “And I put mine here.” He rested his hand over your hip and you felt heat rise in your cheeks.

“And then we just,” he began stepping in a simple pattern. You picked up quickly and were able to keep up, only stepping on his toes a few times. It got easier with each song.

A slower paced oldies song came on and you laughed as he spun you around out of tune with the song, the skirt of your dress flaring out in a big circle around you. You came to a halt in front of him, stumbling a bit as you regained your balance. He held tight to your waist to keep you upright. A wide, crooked smile was stretched across his angular face as he looked down at you. You couldn’t help but smile back. He continued to sway you to the beat of the music.

“Thank you for coming with me tonight. You really didn’t--”

“Hush.” you smiled. “I’m having fun.”

“I am too.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder and he snaked his arm from your hip to your lower back.

“Oh!” you said, pulling back after a couple of minutes. “I told Evan I’d send him a picture of us together. Is that okay?”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Sure.”

You hurried back over to the table and grabbed your phone, ignoring the flood of messages from Jared and Evan arguing, and opened up your camera. You took different pictures and chose a random one to send to Evan and Jared and promptly shoved your phone back in your bag.

You stayed a couple more hours, dancing and eating and having a good time with Connor, before you decided it was probably time to go home.

“Hey, Y/n. Come on, wake up.” Connor was shaking you gently.

“What?” you yawned, sitting up straight. “Oh god my neck hurts like a bitch,” you groaned, massaging the aforementioned area.

“Yeah, I bet. You fell asleep with it at like a 90 degree angle.”

“Ugh… wait. I slept the entire way home?”

“Yup. And you snored too.”

“I did not!” you gasped.

“Totally did.” he laughed, nodding. “Full on sawing logs over there.”

“Shut up oh my God.” you rubbed sleepily at your eyes, forgetting all about your makeup. “What time is it?” another yawn forced its way out of your mouth.

“Half past one.”

“In the morning?!”

“No, it’s just after lunch, Y/n.” Connor replied sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes and stretched out, grabbing your bag from the floorboard.

“Can I walk you up?” Connor asked. You nodded.

He walked around to your side of the car and opened the door for you. Your heels made you a  bit unsteady on your feet, having just woken up, so Connor looped his arm around your waist as he walked you to your front door.

You began digging through you bag for your keys, swearing under your breath at the ungodly amount of junk in your bag.

When you successfully found them and looked back up Connor was holding at least half a dozen twenties.

“No.” you shook your head, pushing the money away.

“Y/n-”

“No, Connor. I don’t want you to pay me.”

“We had a deal, Y/n.”

“Please, Connor, I’m too tired to argue. I had an amazing time with you today. I don’t need your money; it was my pleasure. Really.”

Connor hesitated before putting the money back in his wallet, still looking unsure.

“I, um. I don’t want you to pay me anymore.” you told him. “When we hang out. I… I like just being with you. If you want me to keep being your fake girlfriend or whatever around your family, that’s fine but… I don’t want you to give me money for it. I meant what I said to your cousin.”

Connor stared at you for a moment before speaking.

“I don’t want you to be my fake girlfriend anymore.”

Oh. That’s okay, Y/n. It’s fine. You freaked him out by saying that and he has literally no obligation to stay around you if he doesn’t want to.

“That, um, that’s fine. It’s totally your decision. Uh, whatever you wanna tell your parents happened is fine just-”

“I don’t want you to be my fake girlfriend.” Connor interrupted, grabbing your hand. “Maybe I could take you out next weekend? Like on a real date?”

Your stomach fluttered and you nodded a bit too fast.

“Yes! Yes I… yes. That would be amazing. I-I’d really really like that.”

“Okay.” he grinned.

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

“I should, uh, I should get home.” he gestured with his thumb at his car.

“Yeah, totally.” you couldn’t wipe the dopey grin off your face.

Connor headed to his car and you began to unlock the front door.

“Oh!” he called just before you stepped inside, “Can you send me those pictures?”

You nodded and he gave a thumbs up.

You snuck inside as quietly as you could, creeping into your room and shutting the door softly. You stripped off your dress and hung it up before pulling on a big t-shirt to sleep in and using a makeup wipe in a half-assed attempt to wash your face. You were too tired to go all the way across the hall to the bathroom. Your skin would give you hell, yeah, but that’s a problem for future you. So is the rat’s nest your hair will be when you wake up in the morning without brushing it out but you really couldn’t be bothered right now.

You climbed under your covers and unlocked your phone, seeing messages Jared and Evan had sent in response to the pitcture.

Jare-Bear: shit dude

Jare-Bear: hes got it bad for u

Ev: he really does

Ev: look at the way he’s looking at you

You tapped the picture to make it bigger. You were smiling at the camera, head tilted slightly to the side, while Connor watched you with soft eyes and a gentle smile. He looked happy just being there beside you.

You forwarded the picture to Connor and sent a quick goodnight message before settling into your bed, smiling even as you drifted off to sleep.

[lonelypond]

Casual Lunacy, Ch. 49

Love Live, NicoMaki, 3.4K, 49/?

Summary: Chaos ensues onstage as Anju’s plan progresses.

Thursday’s A Thrill: Nico vs. The Forces Of Fools

Hanayo had never really understood the concept of revulsion before. College really was educational. As a seemingly altered Anju clung desperately to her arm, whining, Hanayo felt like shaking the woman off and shoving her away...Then she glanced down and saw real terror in purple eyes very close to her own, felt the frigid chill that radiated off Anju as she clung, shivering.

So Hanayo gritted her teeth and mitigated her rage, “Let go of me.” They were trapped here, in an impossibly endless corridor, there would probably be time for venting her rage later. Hanayo sighed as Anju fell to the floor, blubbering into her hands. Pity. Hanayo took off her coat and wrapped the other woman in it. Hanayo refused to let any compassion color her voice. “I’m taking it back if it turns out you’re the Anju who trapped me here.”

Anju looked up at Hanayo, eyes wide and much more open than Hanayo had ever seen them, “What do you mean?”

Hanayo kept moving, pacing, imagining a fanged snarl, “Who are you?”

“Anju Yuki.”

“Well, we agree about that.” Hanayo crossed her arms and glared down at the woman, “What do you know about werewolves?”

“Like the MTV show? Or American Werewolf in London? We studied the makeup for that one.” Anju wiped away tears, then put her arms through the sleeves of Hanayo’s parka, “I’m majoring in costume design and materials science.”

“I know.” Hanayo shook her head.

“How do you know? Have we met?” Anju’s voice was gaining some strength, although confusion was still the dominant tone.

Hanayo rolled her eyes. She had no intention of answering questions, just asking them. “Do you know Erena and Tsubasa?”

“Yeah, we were at Pumpkin Prom together. Did something happen to them?” Anju got to her feet, reaching out for Hanayo with a trembling hand. Hanayo stepped back, turned around, and muttered as Anju continued. “What are you saying?”

“I need to get back to my fiancée. She’s in danger. So is my friend.” Hanayo whirled, temper loosed. “If you know where we are, HELP ME.”

Eyes locked, both too kind for such a clash of wills. But both too stubborn to yield.

Nozomi was never going to tell Nico, but by the end of Fangs, Nozomi found herself holding back tears, both at the peril of those facing Dracula and the triumph in Nico’s voice as she held out the closing note of her final song, light effects going through their paces around her, heightening the emotion, masking the quick switch Kashima had to pull off, setting a sunset mood of finality for Dracula and a dawn of rebirth for the world. Nico had certainly earned her avalanche of applause. Eli had been striking and confident and certainly claimed more than her share of the audience’s attention, but in the final confrontation with Nico, Eli and her sister brides had paled, bloodless imitations of the life Nico’s Mina was holding on to so fiercely. A tour de force, Nozomi realized. She was seeing one of those breakout, once in a lifetime performances. And Nico, on stage, Nico showed no sign that she was literally killing it as she gave voice to Dracula’s demise. No, onstage, there was only Mina, a tiny, unstoppable force weaponized by Van Helsing and blessed by nature with a will sharper than any vampire’s tooth or sword’s edge or sharpened stake.

Nozomi watched as the curtain closed, briefly, as the lights came up on Micah, as Harker, looking at a family scene, closed out the show with his final narration, about how much was sacrificed by all for the love of Mina. Honoka was leaning forward, arms hanging over the seat in front of her, mouth half open, completely caught up in the Harker photos flashing across the curtains as they slid open and the ensemble members came out to a huge swell of applause.

“Wow.” Honoka propped her chin on the chair back, tilting her head so Nozomi could see blue eyes glittering in the dark of the theatre, “That seemed so real.”

Now, Nozomi probably wouldn’t have said that, as life, even in its most exciting moments, did not involve a rising aria or a choral interlude. But she knew exactly what Honoka meant, “Yeah, Nico-chi really made you feel every stroke at the end there.”

Honoka sniggered at Nozomi’s choice of words, then frowned, “I didn’t know Nico was that good.”

“She’s never had a part that suited her this well.”

“Yeah. Tiny. But FIERCE.” Honoka leaned back, as the applause started to sputter, “Where is she?”

“Huh?” Nozomi stared as Honoka pointed to the stage.

“Shouldn’t she be out there?”

A whisper onstage was turning into a mutter was turning into Nozomi on her feet, shouting, “Where’s Nico-chi?”

Someone else added, “Kashima’s missing too.”

Oh hells, Nozomi thought as she rushed to the stage, watching Eli put her hands on the shoulders of her sister brides, both of whom were giggling like silly fools, Maki wasn’t going to like this at all.

The surge was a physical blow, rocking Anju. Concentrating, wavering, palms together, hands braced in front of her, Anju let the energy gather, none of it passing as she stripped off her protective glamours, interrupted the tunnel phase shift. Anju was a single point gathering universes to herself, ready to open her hands and rip through anything between her and her home. Sympathetic magic had done her many favors so far, finding her doppleganger in this world, keeping up the illusion that she was as youthful as the students surrounding her, finding metals and materials that would help her channel her power...now it was going to do her one more favor and catapult her through the folds blocking and buffering the planes and pages of the multiverse, get her back to the one page where her pace, her pulse would be absorbed into the world surrounding her, not a constant, jarring reminder that she had never belonged here. Neon colors started to swirl in the muted red, blues and purples of the vaporwave neon cyber dystopias Erena had been showing her too many artist's visions of. Anju forced those recent impressions from her mind, they were not the pulsing starry black and red she had willed herself not to forget, the metallic night and hot foaming lava from her arrival. She concentrated, clearing the magic of blue and purple swirls, remembering the scorched smell, the metal tang, the heat coming off everything. Abandon these neon cool imaginings that had begun to alter her brain, plunge willfully into a scorching flow that would fling her across a maelstrom of multitudes, return her to a familiar shore.

Maki had never transformed this many times in a day. She wasn’t even certain she could remember what she’d eaten last and at some point she was going to sleep for DAYS, but right now, her panicked legs propelled her rapidly through the short distance from Deering to Wirtz. This late, the front entrance was deserted so Maki concentrated, managing a roll as she became human again. The sure grip of hands would save entrance time. Tearing the doors open, tearing up the stairs, trusting the faint hints of Nico she could smell meant her mate was alive and breathing, Maki burst into the back of theatre, grabbing a random long coat tossed across a seat and zipping it over her bare skin, her arrival thankfully unnoticed in the bustle centered onstage.

The floor dropped. Hanayo felt the shudder and Anju, still unsure on her legs, fell into her. It was not a pleasant sensation, the drop, the way the world shivered around them, white walls flicking back and forth between polished wood finish and dingy white decay, the dark floor swirling into familiar terrazzo colors, spiral lamps bouncing and tilting in this surreal lava lamp funhouse. For a swirl of a second, everything cramped, collapsing, and then Hanayo could breathe again, pushing Anju away from her, “Don’t touch me.”

She heard Rin, howling, worried, calling to her, and Hanayo knew it would be all right. Hanayo turned toward her fiancée’s voice, “RIN! I’m here. RIN!”

Nico could barely hear Kashima trying to get someone’s attention, but she was right next to her. Nico could also hear the thunder of applause. That was for her, all of it, stupid awful Kashima be damned. This was Nico’s show, Mina’s story, and Nico was going to show them all. Nearly kneeling, Nico shoved up, as her pride, her surety surged, but as her back struck the coffin’s lid with bruising velocity, there was a twist, the air got hotter, and Nico could feel herself flagging, like she did at the end of a dance rehearsal or a long tech weekend, weakness, exhaustion in her legs instead of strength, her heart fluttering, her shoulders slumping. “No.” Nico told herself, “this is not happening” and made another effort, this time succeeding in rocking the coffin. The applause had stopped in what seemed like a sudden confusion. Now was the time to make a real fuss. Sweating in the close air, Nico dropped to the floor of the coffin and began kicking the sides with all the strength she could still muster.

Eli had Ami pinned up against the wall, while Nozomi, arms crossed, aura angry, had blocked Deidre’s retreat. Eli’s voice was brusque, commanding, “What did you do? Where’s Nico?”

Ami paled and stuttered meaningless syllables in the face of Eli’s icy anger. Deidre stepped forward but Nozomi’s arm broke into her advance, “It was Kashima.” Deidre whined, “She thought it’d be a fun curtain call trick.”

Professor Asuka had vaulted onto the stage, “What’s going on? The entire department is here. This is extremely unprofessional. Chantal, what’s happening?”

The PSM stepped forward, a quick glance at an unsettled audience stalled on a shaggy redhead in gray puffy down coat rushing the stage, face twisted in an expression that promised destruction for anyone or anything that stood in her way. Behind her, a tall, dark haired woman moved to the aisle, reaching out a hand, but the redhead shook it off with a sneer.

“Chantal...” Asuka gritted, smiling at the department head as she nudged her PSM back into focus with a hip.

“Nico and Kashima are missing.”

“What?!?!??!” Asuka’s hands reached out to strangle something. Nozomi thought it would probably be Kashima, if Nico didn’t do it first. Nico...Nozomi watched Maki for a clue.

“Nico’s here.” The redhead leapt to the stage, nose sniffing desperately, head swiveling as she sorted through a confusion of stimuli, then as she oriented on the only thing that mattered in her universe, leaping forward to tear through a curtain, the sound of fabric shredding as it was ripped from its metal rods surprising everyone as Maki slid to kneel next to a coffin, hands trying to tear off the lid, “NICO!”

“Oh fuck.” A slightly familiar voice cursed and copper, bergamot, and too calm was intruding behind her. Maki turned with a snarl, on her feet in a graceful movement too fast to clock with the eye and instantly Tsubasa was halfway across the stage, on the floor, redhead snarling on top of her, face close enough Tsubasa could see incisors that would give her new nightmares.

“What did you do?” The words came out in a sharp hiss and Tsubasa watched as Nico’s girlfriend’s nose stretched, saliva gathering, growls reverberating through the body that had Tsubasa pinned to the floor, one hand raised and quickly becoming dark with russet fur and deadly with claws about to slash.

When Tsubasa hesitated, Maki yanked her half up off the floor with one hand, letting her thump back.

“I didn’t...there’s a trick…” a breathless Tsubasa could barely keep herself from screaming as she looked into eyes with no trace of human empathy, only a savage storm of green. Maki’s face was a warped grotesque of a human expression, with random tufts of fur in an expanding rash-like growth.

Maki’s jaw snapped near Tsubasa’s neck, her claws a heavy, pricking weight ready to slash across Tsubasa’s throat, “Nnniiicccoo” could be heard through a dangerous growl.

“Hey, let’s slow down here,” Sergeant Alvarez, in a non uniform chocolate colored chunky knitted sweater and khakis, moved to where Maki could see her, close enough to grab the arm threatening Tsubasa, “Maki, tell me what’s happening. Where’s Nico?”

“Maki, wait.” Nozomi’s voice carried across the stage as she knelt next to the coffin Maki had been trying open, knocking on its side. “Are you there, Nico?”

Maki’s ear picked up the muffled sounds Nico made in response and as the redhead turned toward Nozomi, pulling Tsubasa off the floor again, Honoka tackled the werewolf across her body, “Maki, don’t do this, please. Nico wouldn’t want it.”

Tsubasa scrambled to her feet, but fell backwards and slid herself across the stage, shaking, arm raised to protect herself. “There’s a magnetic latch, top center, Nozomi. You have to press down on it, then slide it toward the left.”

Nozomi’s fingers found a hint of metal and slid, the lid popping and then Honoka thrown off, Maki was there, wrenching it off, lifting Nico out. She grabbed the gag out of Nico’s mouth, and was surprised when the first words out of it were directed at Nozomi, “Kashima.”

Nozomi swivelled to the other coffin, finding the same latch, opening the lid, and looking down to see a panting Kashima, eyes half closed. Micah was right there, levering Kashima up out of that box. The tall brunette stared around her, obviously confused, sweat soaked through her white shirt.

Ignoring everyone else, Maki had her nose in Nico’s hair, snuffling through, whimpering, Nico’s arms clasped around her as she recovered her breath. “Hey, pretty girl, Nico’s okay. It’s all right.”

Honoka stood in front of them, blocking them from the view of the audience, giving them some privacy, occasionally glancing behind her. Maki lifted Nico, standing, ready to leave the stage and carry her mate to safety, but Nico was whispering something to her, Maki was shaking her head.

“Put me down.” Nico demanded, louder.

Maki whined. Nico sighed, pushed her forehead to meet Maki’s, let her eyelashes flutter once, felt the skip in Maki’s already rapid heartbeat and spoke in low voice, but one that invited no argument, “Put me down now.”

Maki let Nico drop out of her arms, sulking, and Nico took a second to ensure her legs were solid, before stomping toward Kashima. As she came into view, the fascinated audience cheered, and with a slight smile, Nico felt her strength start to return.

Hanayo saw Rin pounding toward her but before she could resolve the orange flecked brown speeding blur into a recognizable shape, Rin, in human form, was falling at her, arms wide, grip tight, swinging Hanayo in a manic circle, crying with relief. Then the werewolf became aware of Anju and the mood changed, Rin falling to all fours, changing, snarling, approaching slowly, slinking, head low, shoulders set, hindquarters tensing for a leap. Anju shrank back, hitting a wall, eyes wide with terror. Hanayo, watching her reaction, dropped a hand to Rin’s back, “Wait.”

Rin growled. Hanayo crouched, “Does she smell like Anju, Rin?” Rin turned her head, attitude curious. Hanayo tilted her head toward Anju, “Is she the same?”

Anju had her hands on the wall, as if she were going to push through. She shrunk back, eyes closing, as Rin approached.

“She won’t hurt you.” Hanayo reassured Anju as Rin sniffed the frightened mystery cautiously, maintaining a few inches of distance.

Rin whined, confused, and Hanayo stepped forward, but before she could speak, the building shook.

“Where is the other one?” Hanayo asked.

Rin whined and waggled her head toward Deering proper.

“Show me?” Hanayo asked.

Rin took off, Hanayo following, until she felt a hand grabbing her. Anju.

“What do I do?”

“I don’t care. Let me go.” Hanayo frowned, Rin growled and pushed her snout under Anju’s hand, loosening it from Hanayo’s clothes.

“I don’t understand.” Anju rubbed her face, eyes starting to tear.

Hanayo sighed, head dropping, Rin nudging at her. “There’s another you back there blowing up the building. You you should probably stay here while I take care of it.” Hanayo paused, hand still on Rin to indicate her fiancée should wait before taking the lead, “Unless you have a phone I can borrow?”

Anju shook her head, Hanayo rolled her eyes, urging Rin forward and following her down the hallway. Anju wrapped her arms around herself, then decided not to be left alone, hustling after the strange couple.

Nico strode right up to Kashima, who was stretching and shaking her head as the bustle around her continued, whistles and cheers lingering. Maki was half a step behind, Sergeant Alvarez was helping Tsubasa to her feet while keeping an eye on Maki’s trajectory. Eli had a one hand on Ami’s shoulder and one hand on Deidre’s and a ‘don’t even think about talking’ look in her eyes.

“Hey, stupid.” Nico barked. Kashima glanced down surprised at her co star’s tone, just in time to feel Nico grab her wrist, pull the taller woman off balance, locking Kashima’s elbow as Nico shoved Kashima face down onto the floor, rattling the wind out of her. “You’re lucky Umi wouldn’t teach me karate.” Nico hissed, “You’d be split in half now.”

Professor Asuka shook herself, suddenly hyper aware of the highly distinguished crowd focused on them. “Nico. This is not the place for this.” Asuka put her faith in Nico’s love of impressing an audience.

Nico paused, tempted by the thought of grinding Kashima’s stupid, pretty boy face into the hardwood, but caught sight of the spellbound audience leaning forward or on their feet, gradually moving closer. Maki was open mouthed as Nico twisted Kashima’s arm viciously enough that Kashima yelped with pain over Nico’s calm declaration. “We’ll be talking later.”

Sergeant Alvarez had stepped up next to Maki, “Talking is a good idea, Nico. Why don’t we all take this backstage?”

“Good idea.” Asuka smiled, “And you are?”

“Casey Alvarez. Friend of Nico’s. Off duty police officer.”

Nico let Kashima go and Maki wondered if the wistful look as Nico stood was because she was obviously restraining herself from kicking the dazed Kashima. Fury had added a feverish tinge to the musk and magic that Nico was exuding like a cloud of steam and Maki could barely keep herself from licking her lips, or nipping Nico’s neck. But Nico still vibrated like a bomb about to go off so Maki kept a respectful distance.

Eli pushed her two ‘buddies’ forward. “What do we do with these two, Sergeant?”

“Backstage.” Alvarez sighed and glanced in her wife’s direction. Orla had settled comfortably in her seat, with her phone out, probably reading technical manuals. She’d be happily occupied for as long as sorting this out took.

Nico was muttering, pacing, glaring at Kashima, avoiding Maki, pausing and glaring dangerously when she bumped up against Deidre in her circuit of the stage, but Eli deftly maneuvered her captives toward the stage left wings. Kashima following.

Nico looked to Maki and took a big breath, exhaling residual anger at her fellow actors, inhaling cool charm. “Nice outfit. Doesn’t Nico always say wear more clothes.”

Maki blushed and shoved her hands in the pockets, “Sorry. Was worried. Anju…”

Maki froze. Rin...alone…

Nico’s hand was soft on the redhead’s cheek, “What’s the matter, Maki?”

“Rin. Anju.” Maki’s shoulders hunched as she raced through options.

“Nico will be fine. Go.” Nico pulled Maki in for a biting kiss that left the werewolf weak and reaching for her borrowed coat’s zipper. “Do that outside. In the dark somewhere. Away from people.” Nico hissed, pointing at the audience.

Maki gulped, hugged Nico hard enough to bruise anything the coffin hadn’t and leapt off the stage.

Nico whispered, “Be careful, pretty girl” as the werewolf exited the theatre. Then the future star of stage and screen headed backstage to deal with the human fools she knew too well and needed for her debut tomorrow.

A/N: Howdy! How you holding up?

[aurimeanswind]

Back Again—Sunday Chats—7/8/18

Welcome Back!

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, and I wanted to open up with a bit of a litany of excuses as to why that is! I know when you’re just on the outside looking in its hard to know exactly why I haven’t been posting these or asking questions, or really anything on Sundays. It’s a combination of things.

First of all, the last two Sundays I have not been home to write up Sunday Chats. Three weeks ago I was in Cuba! Well, technically I was at Key West, the day before I’d go to Cuba, on a cruise ship. Most importantly, the only internet access I had was through the data on my cell phone, and so I couldn’t really post Sunday Chats. In theory, I could solicit questions via my phone, I could write it up offline, and then go on and post it when I’d get home the following Wednesday, but I really didn’t want to because it was honestly a genuine vacation for me. I wanted to kind of check out and try and not be online so much. Of course, I failed a little bit in this regard, I was checking Twitter ravenously any time I had an internet connection, because I have a problem. For the most part, when I was off on my cruise with my mom and my brothers three weeks ago, I was without an internet connection, and it was a little nice, but also a little stressful.

The week before that, it was E3! We were living in the Microsoft/Bethesda press conferences! I was going to write something that day but honestly between the post shows and just consuming E3 I honestly did not have time. I’ve done like, reaction write ups in the past, but I was a bit more down to live in the moment this go around.

Then I was in San Francisco! It was the day after Kinda Funny Prom, which was lovely, we’ll get to that in a bit, but that Sunday I was seeing a movie with Barrett Courtney, my sweet boy, and was just exhausted after KFP and everything then. I had stayed up way too late the night before talking games and eating pizza. I had a great time, but I was still pretty checked out.

The Sunday between those two, I was completely exhausted. Honestly? I’m still exhausted. The best thing, I think, to alleviate my normal “post-con depression” type thing I get after a Kinda Funny Live event and seeing all my friends is taking another, separate vacation just beforehand. I had barely enough time to stay at home and just sit on my couch and play video games before suddenly being whisked off to San Francisco. So getting home, I am just so happy to be home, to be sleeping in my pitch-black room on my comfy foam mattress. To lay on my couch and play whatever video game I want (which mostly has been Tales of Vesperia... again) and just... relax. Ya know what I mean? I just want to relax. I’m a solitary person. I’ve talked many a-time before on here, but I just love to be alone a lot. And I just want to be alone sometimes, especially after several back-to-back socially exhausting experiences.

And that’s a big part about why I’ve been so crappy about doing Sunday Chats consistently. Even before this last month of vacations I’ve been very touch and go about SC. Now that I have fully transitioned into being a full time employee, I work a lot more than my body is used to, even if I am four months into my new role at my job. It’s a lot for me. And I’m barely keeping up with my IP work of being an editor there. And that’s, I think, more important, because I am making decisions and a team is relying on me for that.

I essentially circle around two days off a week, Wednesday and Sunday, and so I work Thursday-Friday-Saturday, plus I have the podcast on Friday nights. Without getting too into the details, Saturdays at my job take quite a toll. Like, a lot on me, so just making it to Sunday, I’ve genuinely forgotten completely about Sunday Chats because I am sleeping in and resting and just trying to get my bearings. I know it’s not much of an excuse, but I’m hoping to turn Sundays into equally as productive days as they are relaxing. It’s just about finding that balance.

As per usual, my trip to San Francisco was motivational in some ways, so I feel inspired to continue to work harder and do more now that I’m home, and hopefully that can last me until PAX West in a couple months.

But that’s generally where the status of Sunday Chats is. As a big update, while not going into effect quite yet (maybe not even for months) but Sunday Chats will soon transition to be a full feature on IrrationalPassions.com. I think it’s a natural transition and it makes sense. It’ll still be available and accessible to all, but I want to play around with some format ideas I have, and I think it makes sense to be there since it is, predominantly, about video games, as it always kind of was. I want to have these heartfelt chats there, because I think as the “editor-in-chief” of the site, it helps build a rapport with the audience of that site which seems to grow every month.

Now that’s all done, let’s get to the editorial!

My Feelings and Emotions in San Francisco

I like this title because it’s just all about the feels. As many frequent Sunday Chats readers would know, depression is just slowly becoming one and the same with me. Like two amorphous blobs just close enough to each other that they become one. Like slime enemies from Dungeons & Dragons that just jell together on spiritual and self-hatred-like level.

So I’ve been through a rough like... 2018 to be honest. And so being in a place where I was just genuinely surrounded by affection and good vibes was really, really moving for me. I put out a twitter thread about the feeling which I think encapsulates most of what I’d want to say, and you can read that here.

But a big thing is how being in SF has proven to be a huge opportunity for me in the past: a time to “schmooze” as some people say, and talk to people, make connections, market yourself, or just meet as many people as you can and spread “the brand” as much as possible. And honestly, I just wasn’t here for that this year. I’ve gotten to a very, maybe even regressive place in my life, where I’d rather not get out there and try and be at the center of things and meet as many folks as possible. There were certainly several folks I had never met before that I wanted to meet, but for the most part I spent that time focusing on more intimate interactions with specific people.

A lot of this manifested in folks I’ve admired for a great long while, and that’s the fellows at OK Beast. I got to have a real heart to heart with Ian Preschel, someone I just haven’t been as close to for whatever dozen reasons that usually amount to time, and understand him better as a person. I got to have an emotional moment with Moises, someone I admire so goddamn much and for some reason keeps saying I’m the reason he started writing. I got to spitball ideas with Alex Van Aken, my fellow Alex-in-Arms, and share the wonders of running a business Slack with Blessing. They’re people I just genuinely look up to and inspire me legitimately every day, and I’m excited and hopeful to collaborate with them in the future. I have nothing but love for all of them, including Brandon, wherever he is out there.

I got to spend a ton of time with Barrett and Alyssa, my hosts, and Jacob Bryant who was also rooming with me at their place. They’re just family to me. Enough said.

I got to spend a huge chunk of time with Nicole Humphrey and Cameron Abbott, two very special friends to me, and for reasons I’d rather not put on blast here, it was very important to me that this time was worked into my trip, and I’m so glad it was.

Those dense, meaningful interactions are what I live for. It’s literally why I started the show Get Acquainted (new episodes coming soon I promise!) and they were the highlights of the weekend. I won’t list them all here, but suffice to say on a personal level this trip was very important to me, rather than on a “business level” which it has been for me in the past.

Thank you all for being open to wasting your time with me, I’ll be forever grateful.

ONTO GAMES.

What’s On Tap

Hollow Knight

I HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT THIS GAME ON SUNDAY CHATS AT ALL YET AND IT’S INCREDIBLE OMG.

I love this game.

Final game time was 42h and 7m, and all of it was excellent. Well... Not all of it, there were a couple very frustrating bosses. But most of it was excellent.

One of the best Metroidvanias ever made. Symphony of the Night, Super Metroid, Ori and the Blind Forest, Hollow Knight, and Metroid Prime are the best of the genre full stop. It sits proudly in that number.

Don’t think. Play it.

Unless you really don’t like hard games, because it’s very difficult, but crazy rewarding!

Ys VIII

I just got this pretty recently and am only about four or so hours in, and so far it’s just a wonderful delight.

Compared to the demo I played a great many months ago on PS4, the Switch version does take quite the graphical hit, especially if you have a hangup about anti-aliasing. There are a LOT of jaggies to be seen here

BUT, I think performance wise it’s still very solid. Some hitches here and there, but during combat it’s generally smooth, and that’s what’s most important.

Very good. Recommended.

Captain Spirit

Honestly, there is too much to say here. Don’t hesitate, go play this. I do not care if you’re like Jurge Cruz (social media editor at IP) and are dead inside and don’t like Captain Spirit. It’s free. Go play it.

Nuff. Said.

More thoughts coming soon.

Questions

Remember you can tweet me your questions by looking for my tweet with #SundayChats in it on Sunday afternoons, and you can be a part of this write up! Much love to everyone who always shows up (I’m looking at you Brandon Gann! <3)!

Goddammit Tyler you keep asking me wrestling shit and you know I hate wrestling...

Uhh...

What if I just showed up and was Noctis?

Originally posted by ffxvcaps

A great many things! Event wise, I’m very excited about PAX West. Assuming I can still make it, which I should be able to, it’ll be a blast.

Plus there are new shows and new things coming from IP soon that I am just hyped for.

But let’s be honest with each other? Okay? Let’s all be real here?

Motherfucking Tales of Vesperia Definitive Edition.

‘Nuff said.

My favorite Romantic Comedy of All Time just so happens to also be my favorite movie of all time, Silver Linings Playbook.

It is, in my humble opinion, a perfect film. It is the only movie I have watched over 10 times.

It’s very important to me, and while it may seem dumb to many of you, it told me that even fucked up bad people like me can find love in both themselves and others. And I really needed to hear that when that movie found its way to me in 2013.

Good LORD am I the WORST to ask about this. Well, first, Jamie. It was a goddamn pleasure meeting you at prom.

I mean, look at us:

I was very drunk and I’m so sorry.

But on a real level, a few things.

First, I did this horrible thing where I wrote everyday for almost three years straight and that was just a self-made torture and I have to keep myself in shape motivationally speaking or else I’ll have to do that again. And that sounds torturous. But as far as building strong habits I think that did help a lot. I mean, Sunday Chats is a direct by product of that, and I think generally people seem to like SC.

Second, I spend a lot of my brain energy trying not to worry about shit I have zero control over. If I misread a text and think someone hates me for whatever reason, which I do pretty much on a daily basis, I’m either going to text them back and ask, or do nothing, and if I’ve decided to do nothing, then I don’t get to be upset about it. If someone is doing some wack shit, I’m either gonna keep talking to them, or nah. Just do it, and everything else, well there is nothing you can do about it. Usually. But my depressed-adled and crazy-ass garbage brain still spends many an hour worrying about things I have no control over. But I’ll say this, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at it. Skill comes with time and age.

Third, I think finding someone on relatively equal footing as you but maybe doing something better or more interesting or just simply different than you can really be motivational. It’s easy to get demotivated by someone else’s success, but words I try and hold onto every goddamn day are “someone else’s success does not equate to your failure”.

I hope that helps!

I have not had a lot this year, unfortunately. Avengers was great? I looooved Ant Man and the Wasp! Adored it. Just saw it yesterday (on Sunday, actually!) and it was phenomenal.

But outside of that I don’t have much. It’s crazy to say that in a year where a new JK Rowling Harry Potter movie is coming out, but Johnny Depp is in that movie and he is fucking human trash and for some reason WB is letting him just waltz around like he hasn’t done horrific things. 

But anyway, I’d very much like to see Fireworks, from the same folks what made Your Name, but the dub wasn’t playing anytime I could see it this past weekend. :(

Maybe if it goes up on streaming soon (which I’m hopeful it will) I can see it.

Outside of that, I got nothing.

As someone who actively dislikes breakfast and most breakfast food, this is tricky for me to answer. I know your whole breakfast fetish Quin, so I won’t shit on you here, but I guess it’d just be a simple bagel (everything bagel. or poppy seed, depending on my mood) or maybe pancakes/waffles.

My thing is waffles/pancakes aren’t breakfast food, they’re anytime food. Or 1am food.

I have traveled a lot yes, but it’s been to a lot of the same places over and over again unfortunately. Not that that’s necessarily bad, but it’s been a lot of SF, Boston, etc, etc. 

Having just gone to Cuba, I finally have a passport! So it’s time.

It’s time Japan. I’m coming to you.

And hopefully Ireland too. But those trips will likely have to wait a bit and be very far from one another.

ISLAND BOY!

Well, that is a nightmare scenario for me, because I’d definitely die very quickly. BUT. If I had to choose.

First up would be Bentley from Sly Cooper, because he is a big needy nerd like me and would want to get the hell out of there ASAP just as much as I do, and he could make like, a series of small helicopters out of coconuts or some shit.

SECONDLY.... Hrmm.... harder choice.

There is a really great joke here about choosing Fi from Skyward Sword because maybe she could just DOUSE our way to a better situation, heaven knows...

But I’m mostly above that.

I’d say Cappy from Mairo Odyssey just because I just looked at my Cappy hat and it’d be fun to just capture turtles and crabs and stuff on the island. Not Bentley, he’d consider that an invasion of privacy.

I don’t know if YOU should get Detroit, but I absolutely love it. I’d say read Logan Wilkinson’s excellent review of the game, available here:

http://irrationalpassions.com/detroit-become-human-review/

He liked one relationship in that game a lot more than I did, but generally we’re on the same page with it. I love the game, and if Heavy Rain did anything for you then I think Detroit is better in just about every way.

I’ll say this: it’s not like 2018 has been BANGERs for me, but after 2017, where two of my new favorite games EVER came out (Breath of the Wild and Persona 5) it’s just so impossible to follow that up. That being said, I’m medium to high excited about MANY games this fall: Spyro, Tomb Raider, Valkyria Chronicles, AC Odyssey, Life is Strange S2, Code Vein, Darksiders 3, and Smash Bros. That’s a whole lot in just three short months to eat up like some yummy yummy candy.

So while I think he first half of 2018 has been pretty great, mostly because of Hollow Knight, but also Ni No Kuni 2, Celeste, Yakuza 6, and Moonlighter, its still been good. It’s been a big one for me to reconnect with my indie darlings. And that’s big for me.

I hope that helps!

Checklist

It’s been a while eh?

Well here are some recs!

“The Short But Chilling ‘Captain Spirit’ Weaponizes Empathy Against You” - Patrick Klepek - Waypoint.

I have barely read this but everything about it jives with me. Another one to check out only after you’ve played Captain Spirit, which I assume all of you are going to do, because it’s free, and because I asked you so nicely to do so.

The Music of Persona 4 Golden - Blessing Adeoye - OKBeast.com

I mean, it’s about arguably the best video game soundtrack of all time, from one of the best music-takers in games, that just so happens to be on my favorite video game of all time. What do you want? Go watch.

OK Beast Podcast Episode 100 - OKBeast.com

I’ve found myself far more into OKBP since they merged OKB and PPR into one show. Here is their 100th episode, where they decided to rank the best 100 video games ever. For some reason.

Like, what if on Ep 400 of IPP we ranked the top 400 video games of all time? Fuck that.

Love those boys.

That’s it. That’s all she wrote. Or rather, that’s all I wrote. Sorry this posted Monday, I hadn’t checked my work schedule for a minute and then I saw at like, 8:30pm I had to open today and that means I have to wake up at 6am and I figured I should be responsible and get a full night’s sleep. Still didn’t fall asleep until about 10:30am, but I wrote some of this last night.

I’m rambling.

I love you all.

Do me a favor though?

Keep it real.

[ellatellastory]

the weekly update: i am very tired

monday december 7: today was off book day for the first half of our show. it honestly went pretty well, but the bulk of my big scenes are in the second half, so oof to that. I was supposed to meet a good friend of mine for dinner after rehearsal to meet his girlfriend (they are in college), but he bailed on me :( On the bright side, my etsy stickers came in. that made me happy. 

tuesday december 8: aka, get my life together day. i wrote several versions of two essays for a scholarship that i would really like to get. i spent the majority of the day doing that, including rehearsal time. luckily that is done and sent in though. i was very stressed about it.

wednesday december 9: MY LAST AP CALCULUS QUIZ WAS TODAY AHHH. from here on out, its just projects. i honestly don’t remember much about today. this is the point in the week where exhaustion is setting in.

thursday december 10: had a test in forensic science, and killed it (pun intended) and took a wonderful nap before rehearsal because i was STRUGGLING to stay awake all day. i also got the notification that all of my college audition and scholarship information was sent in. wish me luck.]

friday december 11: tired and anxious. i was not doing too great. some of my classmates were making fun of my anxiety tics. it was hurtful, not going to lie, but my parents were weirdly comforting about it. they’re not always good with that kind of stuff, but they let me watch Chicago and have leftovers on the couch. 

saturday december 12: i had rehearsal early this morning so i went to the school and basically got to work at 10. we painted and ran scenes. i’m mostly off book. its a little rough in patches, but i’m very happy with myself. when i got home, my mom was at work all day, so it was operation christmas for my dad and i. we wrapped presents and all of that. i also got to watch the prom on netflix. i have a lot of feelings about it, some good some ehh, but overall i enjoyed it. 

sunday december 13: today was cleansing day. i cleaned my room, did laundry, took out trash, etc. i painted my calculus project, wrote some cards for the staff and teachers at my school. they’ve been having it rough, so i hope they like them. i still feel really tired from yesterday and the week, but hopefully i will have enough to power through. this is the last week of the semester. ahh!!

until next time, much love and blessed be~