#i got like no work done last week but i'm AMPED UP this week

[cinnamontimecrunch]

OO OO, if you have the time how about whatever twst boys you feel would be fun to write w/ a reader who REALLY loves valentines (I.e. changing their wallpaper & pfps to match the holiday, going all out w/ valentines for everyone they love whether platonically or romantically, etc)

Reader Who LOVES Valentine’s Day

[Includes Rook Hunt, Leona Kingscholar, Vil Schoenheit, and Ace Trappola. Gn!reader, established relationship]

[a/n: okay so this definitely turned into vague Valentine’s Day headcanons instead of focusing on the reader loving the holiday. I'm so sorry I got off-track, I hope it’s still okay! Also sorry if it isn’t written that well, I’m not accustomed to writing in the headcanon format!]

Rook Hunt

It really works out that you love Valentine’s Day, because you’re getting dragged into his antics either way.

A whole day dedicated to showing his love for you?? Sign him tf up. He’s already showering you with love on the daily, so expect all his usual behaviors to be amped up to 100.

As soon as you wake up he’s already at your doorstep with a bouquet of your favorite flowers that he’d grown himself, reciting poetry he’d written months prior and memorized for this exact occasion.

The type to take you out for the entire day. He’s taking you on a picnic and hand-feeding you various pastries he’d coerced Trey into helping him make. He’s taking you to a local theatre production but spending the entire time focused more on you than the actual play.

He’s not usually that active on his social medias, but he will absolutely change his pfp to match yours without you even having to ask. He’s posting more that day than he has in weeks.

Leona Kingscholar

He’s never exactly been interested in Valentine’s Day before dating you, and honestly even while dating you he doesn’t feel much different about it.

That is, of course, until he sees how happy you look when he begrudgingly agrees to match phone wallpapers with you. Seeing your face light up in excitement had his attitude do a 180 about the holiday. Not that he would put in too much effort to show it, however. 

You’d have to be the one to lead the daytime activities, though he would absolutely insist on paying for everything. He’d let you drag him to cute cafes, secretly snapping photos of you as you energetically show him the various heart-shaped items for sale.

He’s definitely buying you gifts from wherever you go, insisting all the while that he only bought it because he didn’t want you to whine to him about not getting any gifts. (He used this excuse for each of the like 20 gifts he bought you)

At the end of the day, when you’ve tired yourself out, he’s definitely pulling you into his bed to cuddle, saying you owe it to him for making him walk around so much, and sighing contently the moment he feels your arms around him. 

Vil Schoenheit

How he reacts mostly depends on if your relationship with him is open to the public or not, but there are a few things he’ll do regardless. Whether or not you two are openly dating, he will match phone wallpapers with you if you ask. He will also clear the day to spend with you, and he will spoil you with various gifts,

If your relationship isn’t known to the public, the two of you are likely going to have an indoor date doing whatever you want. As long as it can be done out of the public eye, the activities you do are up to you. He will bake with you, he’ll  have a spa day with you, anything. He’ll also spoil you with gifts he’d bought over the course of the last few months. He’ll definitely spend as much of the day as possible in your arms, and he’ll end the day doing skincare with you.

If your relationship is known to the public, he’ll take you out for the day and have pictures with you up on his Magicam. Vil will dress you up in clothes he bought for you beforehand, and will insist on doing your makeup (if makeup is something you’re into). He’ll take you to high-class restaurants, designer stores, wherever you want to go. He’ll make sure to hold your hand the whole time. 

Ace Trappola

Will definitely poke fun at you for how much you enjoy the holiday outwardly, but inside he loves how happy you look. He’ll joke about how obsessed you are, but he’ll do anything and everything you want. Matching pfps? Done. Cutesy Valentine’s Day wallpapers? Pick some cute ones because it’s gonna be his wallpaper for the next month and a half. You wanna spend the entire day going out on picnics or to restaurants or whatever you feel like doing? He might not be able to spend a ton of money, but he’ll make it work.

Definitely the type to buy you a gift and then tease you for how excited you get over it even though he bought it two months ago because he wanted to surprise you. Will take pictures of the two of you while out but keep all the best ones to himself, insisting on posting the most cursed ones he has to his Magicam.

[iantimony]

BIG tuesday

i skipped last tuesday because i was working on a take-home exam and simply did not have the time nor the inclination, so: beefy tuesdaypost today!

listening: my brother recommended 'dead magic' by anna von hausswolff and boy what an album. gothic, punchy, very vibey. the kind of album you let wash over you like an ocean wave.

pulled 'mostly kosher' from my to-listen list. fun, funky, very jewish, good vibes. ikh hob dikh tsufil lib

i've continued to mainline borodin symphonies 1 & 2. idk they're just hitting right.

and the new pieces for the orchestra i'm in - very french this time round: debussy's fêtes: kinda spooky and ominous and also fluid in a fun way! lots of buildup that seems to resolve into nothingness. horn parts for this are pretty good, not too difficult but are definitely Heard. chabrier's españa: really bumpin horn parts. fun bouncy motifs. what's not to like.

pocasting-wise, i'm up to partizan 38. 10 episodes left!!! the home stretch!!!!! it's so good but things are definitely amping up in the end-of-fatt-season way.

i've also listened to my friend b's gotham tv show podcast 'jim gordon must die'. very good and funny. i laughed out loud at some of the episode 3 descriptions.

reading: i was stuck in Bad Airport Times this past saturday (flight delayed 3 hours, then sat for an hour on the tarmac, arrived at 10pm when i was originally supposed to arrive at like 630) so i blasted through all ~150k words of 'freefall' by Kunoichi21 and xoTsundoku. bog-standard mafia au, but with a fun little circus arts twist; fun background fengqing; i do not like that they made beefleaf wholesome. give me my toxic beefleaf god damn it. but otherwise it was a fun read, sappy romcom-style. the fic itself isn't quite done but it's in endgame. the author notes have peak fanfic culture energy of "hey guys! sorry i didn't update, i started nursing school and my dad died" bro .... ;___; goddamn. please take care of urselves

watching: we are almost done with kill la kill! last two eps!!! so tonight we're doing that and also watching last week's dunmeshi together.

friend and i finished comrade detective. incredible. no notes. so funny. we started 'endeavour' which is a detective morse prequel thing and goddd the british-isms, and also started serial experiments lain. i don't know what i was expecting but god it was not this. i literally thought this was a cute fun hacker mystery show in the energy of cowboy bebop. it is Not That. not even close. it's good though i'm enjoying it. currently staggering through life going uhhhhh like lain does in the first few eps.

playing: fallow. i am re-installing disco elysium on my computer though. ive been wondering if i should try to keep going on the save file from last year or if i should just start over because i barely got in there at all.

making: many things. pottery!! some good some not as good.

so this design came out SO nice but the underglaze is so gd streaky! i hate it !!! i don't think it's really fixable either, i tried the hairspray trick to put new solid glaze over top the inside so at least that would look less like shit but i could not get it to work. maybe sanding it down? idk. it's ugly. it was supposed to be a bright teal but the woman who runs the studio mixed the batch up wrong so it's like. a really drab gray and not in a fun or intentional way. idk.

some new bisque:

teacups came out! still mismatched but cute nonetheless! gonna do them in a sort of celadon-type color with white flowers to match the teapot that my SO has :)

i don't feel like adding more photos for these lol they're very boring. the pot for my mom came out fine i think. gonna go in with normal white glaze over top to paint in some trees or other botanical designs. i sponged the underglaze on so hopefully the final result won't be streaky. sponged red on my seder plate to hopefully accomplish the same thing. mugs came through the bisque with no issues but i didn't do anything fun with underglaze on one of them so no new pics of that, but the other i did this tree thing again:

i KNOW it'll be streaky as hell. i just know. so i'm considering how i want to do it. perhaps putting some slightly transparent green over the top of it all to meld it together? unsure.

some new stuff: made a citrus juicer, this was attempt number 2 and just barely got it to work, attempt 1 was a total disaster. also made another mug type object, hopefully it'll still be wet enough this weekend to slap a handle on.

two mugs with red clay, i really loved the lascaux mugs that jessica bartram put up for sale last year but i didnt snag one in time so i was like. fuck it. i will make my own. gonna let them dry to leather hard before going in with black underglaze.

i've been trying to draw again but. idk. i just feel very uninspired. i start drawing and it's like :| :| :|

eating: i was on my own food-wise for much of the last week because my roommate was babysitting for the rabbi, so i did not eat nearly as extravagantly as i normally do, LOL. i made a lo mein recipe that was kinda just a stir fry. this could have been my fault because i added a bunch of extra shit like bok choy and mushrooms. i also didn't use the correct type of noodle, and i didnt have oyster sauce so i used worcestershire, etc. many substitutions so it's probably not fair for me to say it was Just Fine. will have to try again at some later date actually following the recipe. herb and radish salad with feta and walnuts: delicious. 10/10. i tossed in some extra arugula and that was also good. and i made the tofu brussel sprouts tahini/hoisin sauce thing again because it's easy and tasty.

misc: visiting my grandma right now ...... entrenched in the ennui .............. spring break ........................

[carmenized-onions]

SIGH you got me good with this one I fear

Okay so the chap is still fresher in my mind this time since I read yesterday!! Itemized yap sheet incoming below based mostly on the order they happened

1) Yoooooo

That just cracked me up okay. Had to add. But also like. I love them. I love that Tony is so nervous to catch up with Richie bc it means talking abt mikey, but also relieved and excited ish to talk to richie bc it means talking abt mikey does that makes ykwim

2) AAAAAAA listen the way that Carmy thinks about Tony to calm down?? Like hes having a panic attack and he thinks about Tony and is calmed slightly by smelling her shampoo in his hair literally makes me ILL

2b) kinda related but also like not ?? But Anyway Like. Carmy like unsure whether or not he is actually scared/believes Richie when he says he could end his relationship with tony got me like on my knees in my workplace when I read that bc UGH he has absolutely zero confidence and i just want to kiss his face okay. Also him not really wanting to share tony with Richie is so real of him actually. Like he wants Tony to just be his and that's so sweet.

3) if we dont find out the chip storyline ill riot if only for Carmy's sake cause like Carm, im also now very intrigued that Richie didn't immediately blab when prompted but also go richie thats very cute

4)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Scream break mb

5) last one but like the painting??? The way that it starts with the beef and has like pictures of before and stuff and the mid point is mikey and then it has pictures from like the building process and ends with the The Bear sign? IM DECEASED YOU KILLED ME THATS SO GOOD WHAT LITERALLY WHAT

6)okay im i liar whatever could i edit the post yes will i no. I digress. Last one fr. So the way both their lil povs end with them saying on friday they'll do right by each other??? Im so gone actually wtf

Anyways as always i adore you and your writing RAAAA

HEHEHEH GOTCHU!!! GOT YOUR ASS!!!

yoooooooo -- The next convos are really some of my favourite to write, i get to amp up the funny and math out what their texting styles would probably be, it's fun!!

Also yes, it's very much that part of grief where it's like a knife to talk about them, but it's also nice, it's weird when in the grief process, everyone around you acts like that person just simply Never Happened in fear of being triggering-- It's nice for Tony and Richie to get to talk raw!! Even if it's anxiety inducing to lead with it!!

2. Hehehhehe, he does it a LOT, When he called her before, trying and failing to get her voicemail, when he was having an episode in the diner and then Tony came back and he became Normal mostly. Grounding Tool but it's a Person

3. listen baby, I don't put a gun in the first act just to not fire it. I've had this backstory since chapter two. And honestly, I was extremely nervous that someone was gonna guess it and I was being too obvious. Thank God, no one has, yet-- But also no one's guessed, so like, feel free to throw in your guesses, love to hear em.

4. AHHHHHHHH!!!! Here let's see, during this scream break what can I give you...

This is what I'm screaming over, personally. This is Chapter 10 alone, LMAO. AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE LMAOOOO. The goal for me is to get it out this Friday, so it's like, timely and on theme. But we'll see how tired I am, this work week. Might've just gotten a commission (that I honestly don't want to take lmaoo) so we'll see. Fingers crossed. It's definitely gonna need me to take my eyes off it for a day and come back to, so keep your fingers crossed, for me.

5. OH GOOD! I was worried I described it poorly; there's always that fear, when you have to make the thing that's like the thing of the story, and if it's not good then what the FUCK WAS IT FOR!!!!!????

I'm vv happy to hear it killed you, is what I'm trying to say. I also thought the idea was very sweet. Hehhehe

6. You're always free to yap on end, never fear such a thing. Yes!! Their POVs start and end the same way, which is just like, a cute lil touch, yknow. Two anxious mfs. In the club tnnnnn, trying to do right by each other if it fuckin' KILLS them

thank you thank you thank u as always i love to hear this and i hope u enjoy Friday whenever the FUCK it comes out.

[ladykailitha]

WIP Wednesday Game

It’s WIP Wednesday, time for a little accountability, sharing your work, and getting a kick in the pants.

Here’s how it works:

In a reblog (or new post w/ rules attached), post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can't share from (for example, an event fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request!

If you’re reading this, you’re invited!

If you see someone posting a WIP Wednesday Game snippet, send them an ask! Make them write.

Stole this from @kedreeva because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to work on. My only problem is that I tend to file name what the title is so I can find it easier, so...here’s what they were called before I titled them.

"File" Name

WereSteve!

Grief

Tattoo Artist Steve

Snippet

Eddie got on stage and Hal came from behind with a small amp and a black-bodied electric guitar. He handed the guitar to Eddie and then began fiddling with the amp.

“Hey, guys,” Eddie said into the microphone. “Some of you might remember me, I’m Hal’s nephew, Eddie and I play metal.”

He started the opening riff to Run to the Hills and belted out the lyrics. Everyone was on their feet in an instant, Steve and Lauren with them.

Steve was cheering and laughing. It was nice to see Eddie play again after that horrific spring break from literal hell.

As soon as he was done he handed the guitar back to Hal and stepped off the stage.

“You are a beast, Eddie Munson,” Steve said, pounding him on the back when he got back to their table.

***

Hello! I'm going to try something a little different this week. I won't be posting any of the Tattoo Artist Steve stuff, so if you ask for that one, I have to double duty. I will write three sentences in it and three in one of the other two to post.

I run it from 8am-11pm (basically when I wake up until when I go to bed) so send as many asks as you like. I love doing this every week.

[theemporium]

Hello, hope you're doing well 🍀

First of all I wanted to wish you a lot of success and as much luck as you need for your exams. I'm sure you'll do great and hope you can relax afterwards. Thankfully my exams are still a few weeks away, but the pressure is starting to amp up and your blog is always such a nice place to just calm down a bit and forget about the negative things happening.

Which leads me to my second reason for this ask. I wanted to compliment you on your writing. Your stories always get me hooked and I reread them several times just because I can't get them out of my mind. You manage to get me interested in your characters and make me want to get to know them. Your hockey stories are an especially good good example of that since I don't follow hockey at all. But I still want to keep on reading, especially the Luke and Cherry one. So kudos to you and I'm excited to read more once you're done with your exams.

And last of all I wanted to ask if you plan on continuing your lestappen series (with vettel!reader)? No pressure at all, especially if you don't feel inspiration for it anymore. It's just the one thing on your blog I reread more than anything and I love the premise of it since it's something I haven't read anywhere else. I guess what I want to say: if it's just the fact no-one asked for it again you should know at least one person loves it and wants it to continue. But if you don't like it anymore or just don't feel like it don't feel pressured to put something out there. I'm just curious.

This turned out way longer than expected, and I hope it doesn't bother you😅 Wish you the best 🍀

STOP IT YOU WILL MAKE ME SOB🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

thank you so much, honey!!🫠I’m sending the bestest vibes for your exams!! and your words about my writing will make me cry I CANT COPE

as for the lestappen series, i am continuing it!! it just kinda got the same treatment as luke+cherry during exam season because I didn’t have time to fully work on chapters and timelines😭but I am wanting to continue it and some of my other series!!!

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Today's The Day Ok, A Day. Today is "A" Day.

Dear Future Husband,

I haven't discussed this at all, but my cousin is getting married today. He's Reform. And she's... well, she thinks she's Jewish....

They met on a Jewish dating app (which I was shocked to hear because I didn't think religion really meant anything to him at all ever) before she converted. So... as a non-Jew... she was on a Jewish dating app. I didn't realize that was an option.

She grew up kind of in the middle of nowhere with no Jews around and yet something inside of her said she needed to be Jewish, so she set off on her own path to Judaism and although she was like a year away from actually converting, she was seeking a Jewish guy to marry.

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Well, sof sof, they dated, they fell in love, she converted reform (which seems relatively meaningless to me, but ok), they got legally married a while ago and moved in together, but the party and "religious" wedding is today.

Unfortunately, he's technically a cohen, so even if she did convert properly, he still wouldn't be allowed to marry her. But I don't think any of that matters to either of them, so... yeah.

It's fun when you try so hard to do things right and follow the Torah and life keeps smacking you down, all the while, those who couldn't care less are out there living happy lives.

Half my family (I'm talking about the religious ones here) are pissed and up in arms about us supporting an intermarriage, the other half is just kind of like 'you can't live anyone's lives for them, nothing we say will make a difference, we're going for shalom bayis with the family, just leave it at that.'

I'm somewhere in between.

But it's my mom's family and she hates dealing with her family because she's always been the odd man out amongst them all and she feels like they're constantly critical of her life. None of that is untrue, but when she's stressed out, everything goes to hell.

As if I didn't already have enough problems with her, she's been amping herself up about this wedding and it's driving me to drink. Well, if I could drink.

Someone texted her last week "pictures are at 4" or whatever and although we all had a discussion that we wouldn't be there until later because BigSis has to work, MotherLivelyHeart refused to respond with that information. So all of Shabbos she was stressing herself and us out with "they're always so mad when I'm late and now we're going to be late" and I was like "if you had told them a week ago when they messaged about it, you wouldn't have to stress about tomorrow because they'd already know it was a pre-set thing and not that we're just running late or trying to avoid pictures."

But of course she couldn't hear it. Because she's her. And it's just exhausting.

I still have no idea what I'm wearing, so I should probably figure that out...

What does one wear to a religious ceremony of an irreligious family? Most of my wardrobe looks like it walked out of the 2004 winter collection for Haute Topic, if that were a thing. I have a few florals, but most of them are white and apparently that's a huge no-no for most weddings, even though the florals are quite prominent and the white is just a background, but whatever.

I also dread being in pictures, so this is going to be fun.

I have these first two and then a lace dress similar to the third that's kind of a brighter teal shade:

So, those are options. But it's supposed to be like 100 degrees and all three need skirts underneath as well as shells, so that's a lot of layers for hot weather. I also have to make sure the shell that matches the dresses is clean...

I probably should have done this a week+ ago, but I kept hoping I'd get sick or something and just wouldn't have to go.

I also have to deal with my hair (which I absolutely hate) and my makeup, which I'm just not in the mood for. And then the wedding location is like two hours away, so it's like half a day of driving and prep for a wedding that probably won't even have any kosher food for us and I doubt we'll be there for more than just the ceremony.

Isn't family just so fun!?

On a brighter note, the a/c was finally replaced on Friday. I meant to do an update last week but got sidetracked and that draft is now moot. But anywho, they came on Monday and the replacement part for the replacement part didn't work either because apparently the unit had some kind of short in it and it was causing all the compressors to fail. So they told us on Thursday that they'd be here Friday with a whole new unit. And chasdei Hashem, so far it's working!

On the downside, this of course means that MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis have it set really low and the entire apartment is now an icebox, because I have no say in how much it's run despite me being the one who pays the electric bill. Because even when things go right they suck.

Anywho, I'm off to raid my own closet and see what's actually summer appropriate and wearable to this sham of a religious wedding that I have no choice but to attend for shalom bayis. Fun.

-LivelyHeart

-----------

Update:

I can't find my layering skirt for the first two dresses. The only ones I can find are black or bright white. Yikes. And I found another floral dress that's all pretty and roses but I don't have a shell the right color to go with it, which is probably why I have yet to wear it anywhere....

Undone by my own lack of proper planning. Is anyone really that surprised? It's also 8am and I haven't gone to sleep yet, so.... yeah, today's gonna' suck.

Update 2, after the wedding:

I ended up going with the first dress. It was technically long enough to wear without a layering skirt but I still wore a black pencil skirt underneath, just in case my knees were visible when I sat. Although the only sitting was during the ceremony and the chairs were so close together my knees wouldn't have been visible to anyone anyway. But, better safe than sorry! I sat in the little bit of shade that existed in the seating, so I hit homeostasis pretty quickly and despite wearing so many layers, I didn't sweat all that much in the almost 100° F weather, chasdei Hashem.

[justcallmedust]

So yesterday in the middle ofour week off to rest and try to complete house projects, he reveals a secret. Apparently, last Sunday his father came over while I was at work and helped him put in the new front door.

This is the door that, while absolutley wasted that Sunday evening when I got home, he got so angry with me for not reacting excitedly enough to the door that he ended up yelling at me and not speaking to me for 2 days.

I was having a good time, high and enjoying not being at work and feeling accomplished at all the things we completed and then he says.. "you know my father helped me with that door, right?" and I'm like no? because you did not tell me.. duh. And then since that moment I've done nothing but question every moment of the last 2 weeks, looking for more lies.

And the best part? he said he didnt tell me to protect me. Like? What? how was I protected? I got lied to, screamed at, and ignored for 2 days.. where was the benefit?

Don't get me wrong, I hate his father and I don't like it when he comes over for a multitude of reasons.. including how drunk and abusive everyone gets when he's around, and how disrespectful he is of me and my home... but having him over secretly is .. well it sounds like some kind of bullshit covering up more lies.

Oh and I forgot the best part. My kids all kept it from me too. Which brings the next obvious question: what else are they keeping from me?

Also, he seems to be amping up his Facebook usage and still searching Pinterest for ways to get women to talk to you.

I won’t deal with this well. The cracks in my mask are about to shatter it.

[fuckyeahvanhalen86-95]

Sammy Hagar’s all-star band got their much-anticipated The Best of All Worlds tour underway over the weekend, and the vocalist has discussed why Joe Satriani understands Eddie Van Halen better than anyone else.

According to Jason Newsted and Michael Anthony, both bass players were in talks for a David Lee Roth-fronted, but ultimately failed, Van Halen tribute in 2022. That tour would have put Satch at the helm, to many the perfect player to step into his enormous shoes – a sentiment Hagar shares.

Hagar has since gone one step further, recruiting Satriani, Michael Anthony, and drummer Jason Bonham for a tour that so far has featured 15 Van Halen songs, from both Roth and Hagar eras of the band.

In a new conversation with Classic Rock, Sammy Hagar hailed Satriani’s attention to detail and pointed out that there’s no-one better for the job.

“I think probably the smartest move I made if I was gonna go out and do this was to get Joe Satriani,” the vocalist says.

“A million guys could've done it – well, not a million. But you walk into a music store and you see a 12-year-old kid sitting on an amp with one of Eddie's guitars and he's playing Eruption. These genius little kids can do it now, but they don't necessarily know what he's doing. You ask him to write a song like that, and he's going, 'Ah, I don't know how.' You say, 'Joe, write me a song like that,' Joe'll write you a song like that 'cause he knows where it's coming from.”

That last line is especially interesting – is Hagar hinting that this band could be looking to work on original music together, or is he simply making a point?

The tour setlist – look away if you want to avoid spoilers – includes a raft of Van Halen anthems, from Jump to Ain't Talkin' 'bout Love, as well as lesser-played deep cuts such as Judgment Day and The Seventh Seal. The tour also marks the first time Hagar has performed Panama with his solo band.

Speaking to Guitar World back in November, with the tour an intimidating speck in the distance at that time, Satriani had said he would need to go through some “mental therapy” to get over the fact his playing wasn't going to sound exactly like Eddie's.

He also added that he expected .9 gauge strings “will be part of the secret formula for the Eddie Van Halen sound. Without those, you don't get the expressiveness and the slinkiness.”

It was an early indicator that no stone would be left unturned during his exhaustive tone quest.

Indeed, Satch has felt the pressure of emulating/honoring his idol for the tour. As such, he’s worked with 3rd Power amps for a custom amp to nail Eddie's 1986 guitar tone, built a new pedalboard, and modded several EVH guitars after saying his live rig needed to be "a different animal”.

In fact, so conscious was the guitarist not to let Eddie's influence dull the shine of his personality, he revealed he'd never learned how to play Eddie's music before the tour opportunity came along.

“After being a super-fan of Van Halen when they first came out, I realized that if I learned how to play this stuff, it would seep into my playing,” he said. “So, around ‘88, I consciously decided not to figure it out. I'd put it on and have a good time, but I never looked to figure out what Eddie was doing. And then, I got the call from Alex [Van Halen] and Dave [Lee Roth] a couple of years ago, and I realized, 'Wow, I don't know how to play any of it.’ I explained that to them, and maybe every three or four weeks, I'd call them up, saying, 'I'm not doing it. I'm sorry; I'm not your guy.' So many guys were good at it, but they would talk me back into it, saying, 'No, you're the guy.’”

The rest, as they say, is history.

[frecords]

My music production process

Step 1: the idea

Inspiration usually stems from listening to artists I really like (Listed in the likes of my profiles). It can be a riff, a whole section or a line of lyrics. The first step is to lay down this one section, the tone of the song and the lyrics (if any). If I write instrumental music, it's usually because I'm bored or want to jam.

The tone can change during the process of course, but I usually stick to the initial idea since it is connected to the lyrics, the messag of the song.

I usually write songs in times of inner turmoil. My lyrics reflect that, they help me to process my emotions and I record the songs when I'm in a better place mentally. I still helps to sometimes scream out what you hide inside yourself. But I got better at voicing my problems and not eating them up over the years. In the same way I got better at writing more happy music.

Step 2: the rhythm

As noted before, I am not proficient with percussion. Nonetheless, my songs too need a reliable rhythm group that isn't just a metronome. That's why I program my drums. This also dictates the structure (which section follows which).

Step 3: Rhythm guitar, riffing

I record my guitar directly through my Lexicon Lambda interface into Garageband's digital amps. I start with the chord progressions and main riffs, then add bass as foundation.

In songs where I don't play guitar (which are an exception) I just arrange loops from the library and maybe program some Midi parts.

Step 4: melodies

Metalcore riffs are usually rather simple. They require good technique to play fast, but on their own they get uninteresting with every repetition. What makes them so interesting are the harmonies, the second voices. I absolutely love how the riffs glow up when combined with a simple transposed version. Of course, solos are important too.

Step 5: vocals

On top of the instruments I record my vocals through a Sennheiser MK4. I usually have two voice tracks, one for melodic lines, second voices and melodic parts and one for screams, spoken or rapped parts. If needed, more tracks of each type can be added.

Step 6: mix

Once everything is recorded, I equialize each individual track. Then I adjust volumes and other automation parameters over the project. That way I add fade-ins and -outs, effects like a reverbed section and layers.

Step 7: master

When everything sounds fine in the mix, I export each individual category to sidechain them. I have 3 to 4 categories: Vocals, guitar and drums. Sometimes, there's effects or strings/synths. I only adjust volumes between the categories and maybe add an overall EQ. In this stage I listen to each category and track on their own and revise sections because either they don't sound good on their own or in the mix. Sounddesign is mainly done through the built-in speakers of my Macbook Pro or my headphones (Marley Positive vibration 2 wireless), but they amplify the bass too much. I sometimes listen back to my songs via my stereo system.

Step 8: let it sit!

After mastering (sidechaining) all the tracks, I export the project, listen to it one last time and - let it sit for at least two days. During this time I listen to other music. Maybe I gain more inspiration or want to try another effect on a section. Then I actually finish and upload the track after a final listen.

The whole process takes between 2 and 20 hours pure work time. But it usually stretches over several weeks from the initial idea to the mastering stage.

[moonmothmama]

for some context:

my brother's vacation was pared down from originally a few weeks, to one week because of work things, and then to a little less than one week, because the night before they were supposed to leave,

their fucking basement floods. the toilet floods. everything is flooding. there ends up being a huge crack in a cast iron pipe, that is eventually fixed after the Few Guys (note how i do not say repair people, because we are all pretty sure these are just Some Guys the landlord got to do this) have torn up his bathroom and closet and messed up that entire area of the apartment. (on the phone with me before i arrived, my brother described his apartment as looking like "the fbi were looking for drugs")

so they spend all day cleaning that up. they end up getting less than five hours of sleep before they leave the next morning (four hours later than planned) to drive to another state for their vacation.

and then while they are gone. the basement floods. again.

and naturally i am going "oh shit oh fuck" because i'm thinking it's the plumbing again. my sister in law was the last one to text me so i'm texting her about it like "i am really sorry to have to tell you this but-" and she's like "how bad is it, send pics, i haven't told your brother yet because he's finally happy" and i'm there like

so like an hour later i'm on the phone with my brother. and he's telling me things to check in the basement, and we determine that it is not, thank god, the plumbing again.

this time, it is the rain which has flooded the basement. which, this has only ever happened ONE TIME before in the entire time he's lived here, which is like, idk offhand but it's over a decade at this point

so i am dragging a shop vac out of his garage and dragging it down to the basement and running around getting guitars and amps off of the nasty soaking wet rugs, and i'm moving furniture off of them and getting them kinda rolled up/folded so that when my folks arrive to help me clean this shit up, my dad can easily roll them up neatly and tie them to be disposed of later

and my brother is going "don't do that alone they're going to be heavy wait for dad but also don't let dad do anything alone" because this is my boomer father who is an idiot god love him and WILL do STUPID THINGS and get hurt and wind up in the hospital (it has happened before)

but i know i can get these rugs up off the floor alone so i do it. like, it's not FUN. they're heavy and disgusting and covered in tables and amplifiers and whatnot. but i do it.

anyway. the next several hours are spent trying to get as much water up off the floor as possible. all the rugs have been rolled up and set aside except for the one that has an entire drum kit on top of it, as well as very large speakers and a ton of other things.

my flip flops are those squishy skechers that soak up all the nasty basement water like sponges so my feet are wet this entire time.

i am collecting wet laundry off the floor and putting it in the washing machine. (which that isn't even done yet bc i still have to get a comforter or something in there too). dad is on the phone with my brother who says to put the dehumidifier on. i am mopping up in the corner after we find out we can't run the dehumidifier and the shop vac at the same time bc it blows a fuse.

once things look Acceptable down there, i get my sweaty, disgusting ass in the shower and then FINALLY eat something. leave the fan and dehumidifier running all night (the basement is p much okay now).

also the dog had diarrhea while all this was happening! so. that was my day yesterday

i have just had, honest to god, one of the top three most ridiculous days of my entire life. i'm too tired to go into detail but oh my LORD. perhaps i shall recount my misadventure tomorrow. it is... a lot

[sunbrights]

could you do 14 w kuzupeko??

14: “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.”

This one has some disturbing content – please read with discretion!

(Leave me a number and a pairing and I’ll write you a thing! I’m slowing down on these a little, but they’ll definitely all get done. Thanks for your patience, guys!)

Munakata gets lucky. He catches Peko off-guard, hits her hard, and takes her down.

Fuyuhiko sticks his arm out the window of the sedan and puts three bullets in his shoulder.

There’s a frenzy after that, but it doesn’t last long. It’s an armored car, which Sakakura knows; the spray of bullets that hits the passenger side door has to be mostly for show. Under the cover of the noise, the Future Foundation falls back. They drag Munakata away, then turn tail and run.

Predictable. It’s embarrassing, is what it is. Sakakura should leave that shit at home.

Peko just lies there, through all of it; from this angle he can only really see the flutter of her hair against the dirt. When the commotion quiets, she doesn’t get up.

He tucks his revolver in his waistcoat and kicks the passenger door open. The ride-alongs in the backseat follow suit without needing to be told. They spread out, to keep his perimeter.

He follows the slope of the hill down to her. He understands where she fucked up, now: it stormed a few days ago, and the soil here is loose. She must have lost a split-second of footing, and it did her in.

She’s gotten far enough along to roll over onto her back, but not any further than that. The wound carves up from her hip to her ribcage on the left side, a nasty, messy piece of work. It’s not deep enough to have hit anything vital, but the blood spills and spills and doesn’t stop. The stench of it hits him first, and fills him up until his head spins.

He stops by her feet, and her eyes roll open. She isn’t putting any pressure on the wound.

“That was fucking stupid,” he tells her.

Her chin dips down towards her chest. It’s supposed to be a nod, he thinks.

The oozing pool of blood around her is turning the dirt to black, thick mud. He kneels in it, and relishes the way it squelches under him, lukewarm. “S’why I’m here,” he says, fishing in his jacket. “I’m here. I got it.”

Three bullets in Munakata’s shoulder means three bullets left in the chamber of his revolver. He flicks it open and shakes them out into his palm. “Fifty-fifty shot,” he marvels. “Shit, I didn’t even do that on purpose. I just fucking hate that asshole.” He puts each of them back, evenly spaced in the chamber. He tries to show her, but her glassy eyes won’t leave his face.

“It’s even,” he tells her. “It’s fair. You and me, we each got a solid shot.” He snaps the chamber back into place, and spins it with the flat of his palm. “It’s perfect. Like it’s fucking meant to be.”

Her bloody right hand grasps at the dirt.

“I got it,” he says again. He flips the gun around to hold it by the barrel. “Gimme your hand.”

She can’t do it on her own. He has to swing one leg over her waist to get the right angle on her, and the extra weight on her pelvis actually makes her wince, a fascinating tangle on her face.

He wants to stay like this. He wants to wring the pain out of her, until it’s written across every inch of her, but neither of them have that kind of time right now.  

He bends over her, and tucks her loose hand into his. He curls her palm around the grip, sets her finger on the trigger, and settles over her, elbows splayed on either side of her head.

They’re chest-to-chest like this. He can feel every labored breath of hers, rising and falling against him, so he tries to match her, breath for breath. It’s slow and uneven enough that it makes him feel like he’s choking.

He makes her press the barrel of the gun against his temple.

Panic closes in from all sides. There are tears gathering on her bottom lashes. They’re close enough to kiss, but neither of them do.

It’s perfect. It couldn’t be more perfect if they’d planned it themselves.

“Ready?” he whispers.

Her chin dips down.

He squeezes her finger around the trigger. The hammer snaps down.

It clicks harmlessly in his ear.

Adrenaline rushes out. His fingers turn limp. She can’t hold it up by herself, so the gun goes clattering into the dirt next to her head.

He has to turn his face down against her collarbone. It’s unsportsmanlike to gloat, but the grin splits his face open anyway, and the laughter tears itself out through the gaps. “Fuck,” he chokes. “I fucking win. Holy shit.”

He rolls off of her. It’s only when his stomach peels away from hers that he feels how much the blood has soaked into his shirt, enough that it clings to his ribcage, wet and warm. The bloody mud pit next to them has gotten wider, too. Clumps of it stick in his hair when he hits the ground.

She breathes in: long, but shallow and rattling. He forces himself up to his hands and knees. He can’t miss it now, not after that.

He manages to get her head settled in his lap. From here, he has the best view: he can watch how the dark red stain spreads through her clothes, and how the wider it gets the paler she becomes. He can see the cold sweat on her forehead, count her breaths, feel the sluggish beat of her pulse until it’s gone.

Her eyes are shut.

They’re not screwed up, the way they were before. They’re smooth, calm, serene. He tucks his fingers against her neck, just to be sure. She’s still there. He should have time.

“Peko,” he whispers.

Her eyelids lift halfway. She looks up at him, eyes dull. He pulls her bangs away from her forehead so he can get a better look.

She looks so sure, so settled. That’s not how this is supposed to be at all. He won, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get to feel any of it. They’re supposed to feel it together, him watching her slip away and her watching him suffer it.

He can already feel it, the chill creeping beneath his sternum, and she isn’t even fucking dead yet.

(Her skin is so soft under his fingertips, feverishly warm. His heart thrums in his chest. What is he supposed to do, when he’s all alone?)

Her eyes slip shut again.

“Hey,” he barks at whoever’s there, beyond his shoulder. “Get Tsumiki.”

They do. They bring her, and she sinks to her knees behind him, arms sliding around his neck and shoulders. She sets her nose in his hair and breathes in the stench of blood.

“Is it happening?” she whispers. She peers past his shoulder, down into Peko’s face, and sucks in a little gasp, almost a moan. “Oh. It is, isn’t it?” She smooths her palm down his stomach, where Peko’s blood is still fresh and damp. “You’re so lucky. There’s nothing else like it. Knowing that she’s gone forever, that you sat by and watched it happen… You’ll never hear her voice, or smell her hair, or touch her hand…” Her voice wobbles and cracks. Her nails dig in, sharp. “It’s everything.”

“Shut up,” he spits. “And get the fuck off of me.” He drags his fingers through the curl of Peko’s hair on her shoulder. They get stuck on knots and tangles. “Patch her up.”

Tsumiki’s sliding fingers freeze on his shoulder. Her breathy lilt flattens to stone. “What?”

The gun is lying in the dirt next to his knee. He snatches it up, and shoves it haphazardly behind his head, against her ear. The hammer clicks when he draws it into place. “Did I fucking stutter?” he hisses. When Tsumiki doesn’t move, he drives the gun harder against her scalp. “Patch. Her. Up.”

She oozes out from behind him. She glares at the dirt, her face tight and dark. “Weak,” she snarls at nothing. “They never deserved the time you gave them, beloved… They never understood… Not the way I do…”

She tears back Peko’s jacket to get at the wound underneath. The mess of black, coagulated blood makes her smile, and it’s like the rage was never there. She giggles, drawing a spiral with one fingertip. “Wake up, Pekoyama-san,” she croons, face bent low. “You’re not leaving yet.”

Peko’s eyelids struggle open again. She bypasses Tsumiki completely to stare at him, and her gaze is cloudy, confused.

“You’re with me,” he snaps, “until I decide. Got it?”

She reaches her right hand out toward his face. She only gets part of the way there, the tips of her fingers smearing tracks of blood on his cheek before she manages to catch his chin.

She whispers, “Always.”

[pathopharmacology]

Hey. I'm the anon that checks in on you occasionally. First, sorry for thanking you for doing your job, I understand now that was tone deaf and I'm sorry for being an ass with that. Secondly, you've gone completely dark since this pandemic started and I'm really worried about you, especially since IIRC you work in emergency. You don't have to be okay (although that sure would be nice!!). I'm guessing you're not. But I'd like to know you're alive. And I want you to know you're not forgotten. We're not friends, though we're mutuals last I checked, and I want you to know someone cares even if there isn't shit I can do to help. Stay breathing. Keep your head above water.

Shit, friend, I am so sorry I freaked you out like that. God’s honest truth, I haven’t checked tumblr in ages, because I kinda noped out of most social media after we lost our first baby and then never really found my footing again after because a bunch more Life Stuff happened (more on that below). I don’t know that I’ll resume any sort of presence here, but for those who do want to stay in touch I have a twitter account (@patho_patho) I use occasionally. It honestly never occurred to me that anyone would worry. Again, I’m super sorry about that. I never intended to scare anyone.

Anyway, life update! The tl;dr version is that I found out I was pregnant in November of last year, freaked out SUPER HARD about it because of how things went the last time, freaked out SUPER HARD some more when covid-19 started showing up in the states, left the emergency department for a care management position right before the hospital implemented a hiring freeze, basically didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant until I was like almost 26 weeks along and it was incredibly obvious anyway, and — several months later — ended up having an unplanned (but non-emergent) cesarean delivery when my water broke three weeks early and the baby was breech.

The little dude is now 8 weeks old, growing like gangbusters and marvelously healthy. Unfortunately, our entire state caught on fire recently, so I’ve just spent the last week with him up at my parents’ house because the air is poison and their ventilation situation is way better than ours. Fun stuff.

I can’t explain how good it was for my mental health to get out of the emergency department. I was struggling even before everything happened with my first pregnancy, so when I got off my “postpartum depression is even more awesome when your baby is dead” medical leave, I was in a REAL bad way. We were thrilled when I got pregnant again, but it was also much earlier than we’d intended (apparently I’m super fertile, hooray?) and I spent the first trimester pretending like it wasn’t happening because I wasn’t sure I could survive the loss of another child. Covid started being a thing riiiight as I was heading into the second trimester, and...let me tell you, being pregnant during a pandemic is absolutely terrifying, and it was even more terrifying when I was still working in the ED. Those early days, when we really didn’t know much except that it was really, really bad? God, that was brutal. I was having panic attacks on my way to work, because I was scared shitless that I was going to get it and either I would die (thus killing my baby), or there would be complications of some sort (which would kill my baby), or me and the baby would be fine, but I would give it to the Dude or my parents and then one of THEM would die and...

Anyway. Bad times. It was bad times.

I was interviewing for a number of positions when things started amping up, and accepted the care management job literally days before the shelter-in-place orders went into effect, which led to a hospital-wise hiring/transfer freeze. The transfer still went through, thank god, and my new job has been amazing. They were super cool when I finally told them I was pregnant, especially when I explained why it took me so long to disclose it in the first place (basically, I wanted to wait until the final diagnostic tests were done and I knew 100% that this kiddo wasn’t sick the way our first was). I’m currently on maternity leave, and every once in a while my supervisor will text with a demand for more baby pictures. It’s really nice, actually. Care management is challenging as fuck, but it’s also really rewarding and interesting, and I’m glad I was able to make the switch before the whole world imploded.

(Also, it’s super nice to be in a position where the stakes are not literally life and death, and I’m also not putting my own life on the line every time I go into a patient room? I might’ve been okay with that once upon a time, but, uh, a lot of shit changed for me last year)

That’s pretty much it, unless y’all want to hear the whole pregnancy saga (which probably isn’t all that interesting, to be honest, except for the last bit with the c-section and all). Parenthood is deeply scary and deeply amazing. Everyone talks to you about postpartum depression, which makes it super easy to be blindsided by postpartum anxiety, which is like regular anxiety except your hormones are completely out of whack and you cry a lot and also refuse to sleep because you’re convinced your baby will die the moment you stop looking at them. Being a new parent during a pandemic is even scarier than being pregnant during a pandemic, and I honestly have no idea how I’m going to explain all of this EVERYTHING to the kiddo once he’s old enough to ask what the fuck was up with 2020, anyway.

Again, I’m really sorry I scared you by going radio silent. I’ve got all my notifications turned back on in case you or anyone else has any follow-up questions, and people are always welcome to check in over on the twitters (which is a garbage site, I freely admit, so I totally understand if folks would rather not). I definitely aten’t dead, and right now I’m doing better than I have in a long while.

Now I just need the air to stop being poison.

[pippindot]

Weekly agility summary:

We did a 90 degree jump setup first. Pip did well on our first pass and went around the first jump on our second try. That was my fault, as I keep dropping eye contact with her when I'm moving. It's one of my biggest problems right now (frustrating because it is so fundamental). I think I just get fussed about where I'm going and I need to be able to move my feet without losing contact with her. We did get it eventually, and she also did really well coming back to try again even though she was off leash, so she is a rock star for that in my eyes.

Next we worked A-frame. Pip was acting up for it, so SUPER AMPED which surprised me because I didnt realize she liked that particular obstacle so much (I think we have only done it once or twice before). We had to approach and walk away and approach multiple times until she could contain herself. Once I let her go, she rocketed up the ramp and--to my horror and amazement--executed a massive dolphin leap over the apex of the frame. She actually landed in the contact zone and then kept going onto the grass with her momentum but, while a valid move by the rules, NOT SAFE. She was unhurt and actually scooted her little booty to the reward mat with her proper 2o2o position, but I was hyperventilating lol. Second pass at the A-frame, the instructor met her at the top with a cookie and again at the bottom to keep her from accelerating too much. Broke using our new tug which she had a blast with, though I think I let her have it for too long cause it had lost its magic by the end of class. Gotta keep the mystique.

Weaves went AWESOME this week. Still using boiled chicken exclusively for the weaves which is working well. I didn't even have to keep my hand directly in contact with her nose this week, she was following the wires mostly of her own accord and not wasting much time sniffing. So happy to see that muscle memory building up.

Did a bit of teeter work. Just walking up on the end already on the ground and feeling it fall an inch or so. There was a point I led her up to it poorly so she didn't have enough room to get her whole body on, and while the instructor was correcting me Pip just got off and adjusted herself correctly, lure be damned. Glad that she is smarter than me when turkey hearts are on the line.

Last we did some tunnel work. It was curved but that's no problem. Very pleased with how well Pip held her Waits this week, even though I still struggle to trust her, and how reliable she was off leash. I feel like she is really blossoming and has so much fun playing the game and getting to flex her athleticism. Already looking forward to next week.

[timeaftertime-chriscornellfanfic]

Chapter 4 - Disappearing One

Toronto Ontario Canada, January 31 1972

Andi

"But John this is crazy... there's got to be some way to explain this,"

"Cathy, just relax. Andrea's  fine see? She's in her playpen, no harm done,"

"But I swear she wasn't there a second ago,"

The sound of my mother's voice filled with worry, echo throughout the living room as my father desperately tries to explain just where I've been for the last 8 minutes. If there was a way that I could explain with actual words, since I can't quite make out full sentences yet, I would just tell my mother that I was only just upstairs but 1 year before this current time.

Yes, I know it probably sounds crazy, and completely confusing so allow me to explain.

Ever since I can remember, which is pretty far back mind you, I've somehow been able to slip through time. I still can't quite put my finger on what actually causes me to do so but it's usually only for just a few minutes. As I got older, the length of time that I would slip increased from just a few minutes, hours to eventually days and weeks, even years.

Now I know what you're thinking... "How does one slip through time?"

It should be easy to explain the process but really, unless you've experienced it yourself it's hard to explain just exactly what happens. At first it feels like the most euphoric sensation you can think of. Like you're purely at peace with yourself, like nothing else in the world means anything anymore. Then it changes to nausea and dizziness like you just drank a 40 of Jack Daniels so fast it could make your head spin. Then, just like that, everything goes black and suddenly I'm somewhere else, naked and alone, trying to find clothes, shelter anything to protect myself.

When I was younger and I would time slip, most of the time I would just end up somewhere else in the house only it could be either 30 minutes before, or as far back as actually seeing my mother pregnant with me.

Yes I have gone back in time and met myself before. It's not a regular occurrence mind you, but It's pretty much how I taught myself to pick locks when I needed to and find the right places to hide if I so happened to end up in the middle of a sticky situation. Most of the time I was alright though. Most people, when they see a naked girl on the street, they try to help as much as they can rather than the opposite so for that I'm thankful.

Now I know most people would think "Well how the hell does that happen? What about the grandfather effect, the butterfly effect and all the other effects of nature that rule against the fact that you can go back in time?"

Well to tell you the truth, I don't know. It's not something I can explain. I can only say that I've only ever been able to travel as far back within my own life time. I can't go back and see the amazing symphonies that Beethoven wrote nor, go back as far to stop World War 2.

Meeting a your future self is something that's amazing and strange at the same time. Every time it would happen, my younger self always knew it was my older self. My older self knew not to tell my younger self about the future, but gave me useful tools like lock picking so that I could protect myself. I was very careful at not disrupting anything that could alter my future for the worse. And... like I said, it was very few and far between that I met up with myself anyways.

"Cathy, I think you're just imagining it,"

"John, I know what I saw. I set Andrea in her playpen turned around to grab her bottle and when I turned back she was gone,"

My father then walks over to me, his boots thudding against the hardwood floor. He picks me up, brushing a few curls out of my face while I smile at him and he places a kiss on my little forehead. Leaning into him, I giggle, resting my head on his shoulder, my little fingers playing with the shaggy curls of his dark golden hair that rest just at his shoulders, and that familiar smell of Aqua Velva after shave filling my nostrils with delight.

"What were you up to baby girl?"

His deep voice vibrates through my little frame and all I could manage was a giggle.

"Daaaady," I manage with my little voice and he chuckles placing another kiss on my forehead.

I think for the most part, my father was in denial of the whole thing. I know it frightened him to no end at the fact that his only daughter disappears for moments at a time, with no explanation and no reasoning and then re-appears as if nothing had ever taken place.

He sets me back down in my playpen and I continue on with playing with my little stuffies without a care in the world.

"John, I think we should take her to see Dr. Fresno... maybe he can figure out what going on,"

"Cathy, she's still so young, she's only 2 years old, I don't even know if a neurologist is going to even see anything wrong,"

"Are you kidding? John, it's been happening more frequent than you realize... but wait, you're hardly ever here with us so it makes sense why you're in such denial over it,"

Oh the inevitable arguing. They argue over everything and it always seems that my father is the one to blame. My mother always bringing up the fact that he was never home, that he was always on the road travelling with his band Steel Gates - a sort of Black Sabbath/MC5 hybrid- playing bars and clubs never bringing in any real money. I for one love my father's music. It's so real and the way he can play, I swear he was like the next Tony Iommi.

"Ok well, I gotta head out here and meet the guys at The Edge... are you meeting me later on?" My father says walking away from me and towards my mother, who just stands there with her arms crossed.

"No, I have Andrea to look after,"

"I told you, you can bring her... you know she loves it when she's around the band,"

She just stands there and glances back at me with her arms still crossed, reluctant to even say goodbye to him, even if it's just for a few hours. 

With that, he hesitates for a moment, as I laugh and giggle playing with my little furry friends, then leans in to place a kiss on my mother's temple though she still doesn't look at him. He then turns and grabs his leather jacket, slipping it on as his boots thud against the hardwood floor.

"Ok, well I'll be home later on tonight," His voice deep as he heads out the door, leaving my mother watching me as I play.

******

Toronto Ontario Canada, June 13 1976

"Ok sweetie, now place your fingers here, here and... here,"

"Like this daddy?" I ask looking at the fret board of my amber burst VOS guitar with a white pick guard, my dark little curls falling in my face.

"Uh huh, now strum,"

I scrunch up my face as I try to hold the strings down with my fingers, my father sitting across from me with his own Cherry Burst Gibson SG across his lap, reaching over and helping me place my fingers where they should be. I start to strum and the oddest sound emits from the amp but once I'm able to adjust my fingers perfectly, the beautiful distortion bellows through the amp.

"Yea... alright now put them all together... like this," My father smiles as he starts to play the three chords in succession like he showed me and I follow along with him as we play together.

I had been learning to play guitar from my father for the last few months since we discovered that music seems to calm the time slip episodes down. My mother insisted that we see Dr. Fresno to see just what exactly is causing the time slips and though my father reluctantly agreed to, he did eventually see that it was a good thing that I was seen by a neurologist.

I've been diagnosed with a neurological disorder - time displacency -not an actually medical term I know but there's never been a case quite like mine before. After some testing, Dr. Fresno discovered that it's a relation to epilepsy but is also triggered by a multitude of emotions, especially if I feel stressed or anxious. It can happen either consciously or subconsciously and when it does, a seizure will take place inside my brain at the exact moment, somehow causing a time slip. At first, the doctor did prescribe medication - the type that helps with epileptic seizures - but that was no use. I was still time slipping. Possibly even worse than before.

Nothing seemed to really work until one day I was in my father's studio  - I was 5 years old at the time -and I walked up to Cherry Burst Gibson SG, and started to play with the strings while it sat on the stand. I've always loved his Cherry Burst Gibson and when he noticed just how attached I became to that guitar, he got me one of my own for my 6th birthday - well not a Gibson but it looked exactly like one - so that I could practice with him. He was amazed at how quickly I was learning Chords and strumming for only being 6 years old.

"...ok now change... good... now D...." He smiles as he watches me keep up with him though I keep my eyes glued to my fingers making sure I was changing to the right chord properly. Then he starts to improvise on his own, playing a little solo part while I continue to strum and I look up at him and laugh.

"Wait daddy wait... I wanna do that," I giggle and he smiles at me.

"Alright sweetie go ahead..." He chuckles and I attempt to try to improvise but everything sounds completely out of tune. I scrunch my face up again and stop but my father continues to urge me on.

"I'm not really good at that," I say and he chuckles a little.

"Andrea it's alright... just keep going, you'll get it," He smiles at me. We continue to play, with him teaching me some more and after a little while I hear my mother come down the stairs.

"Andrea, your lunch is ready," She calls and I set my guitar down back on it's stand beside me.

"You coming with me daddy?" I ask.

"No sweetie, you go on ahead, I've got to work on some stuff down here," He says sweetly as he sets his guitar back down on it's stand.

"Ok... um... can I come back down when I'm done?" I ask.

"Of course you can sweetie, you know that," He chuckles and pulls me into him and starts tickling me. I begin to laugh and squeal as he laughs as well, then eventually letting me go but not before placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"I love you daddy,"

"I love you too baby," 

*****

Toronto Ontario Canada,  May 15 1985

"Damn it John, I can't do this with you anymore! I told you this is it! You need to leave!"

"Babe - "

"Don't 'Babe' me. It's done! It's over now just get the hell outta here!"

It was the middle of the night and I wake from my sleep hearing voices coming from downstairs. I push the covers off me and quietly get out of bed, rubbing my eyes to rid the sleep as my dark curls fall down around me. Once I reach the hallway, I can hear my mother screaming at my father from the front door.  As much as you think you get used to hearing your parents fight, you never really do. This time though, it was different.

"Cathy just hear me out ok? It was nothing, it meant nothing - "

"No! Don't fucking touch me! I want you outta here! Just get the fuck outta here!"

I quietly sit myself down on the top of the staircase as I listen to their fight. Even though I was still half asleep, I could feel this strange feeling deep inside my chest. I could hear my father pleading with my mother but she was not giving in. There were so many times before when they fought, that I just brushed it off, not letting it affect me. They were never terribly mean to each other, such as calling each other names or anything from what I  remember, but this time like I said, was different. My mom was just letting it all out calling him everything that you could think of and it makes me wonder just what he did to make her so angry. If he did anything at all.

The strange feeling in my chest grew as he continued to plead with her but she still wouldn't give in. Moments later I hear the front door slam and my mother quietly crying. She then appears at the bottom of the stairs and as she takes a few steps she sees me sitting at the top.

"Andrea, what... what are you doing?" She asks looking away wiping away a tear. I say nothing as she looks back up at me.

"I'm sorry you... heard all that... I didn't mean to - "

"Don't mom, just don't," I say trying to hold my tears back, though I'm not sure why I'm feeling like I need to cry in the first place.

"Andrea - "

She starts but I rise from the stairs and turn to make my way back to my room.

"Andrea honey..." She says as I hear her voice breaking while she attempts to hold back her tears.

"Don't! Just leave me alone," I say, still not recognizing my own voice, hearing myself begin to cry as I hear my mother following behind me. I've never felt like this after they've argued. I've always been able to push the feeling away. Shoving it down into the pit of my stomach and only release it when I play my guitar that my father gave me. This time it's different. I can feel my chest tighten and it feels like I can't breathe.

"Andrea - "

"Go away!" I exclaim and slam my bedroom door leaving her outside in the hallway. As much as I try to will this feeling away, I can feel it growing.

Why? What is this? Why does this hurt so much?

As I feel my heart begin to pick up pace, I close my eyes, standing in the middle of my dark bedroom surrounded with posters of Black Sabbath, Aerosmith, Ramones, and Motorhead, I start to feel euphoric, almost like an adrenaline rush, then completely at peace, then suddenly I feel dizzy and nauseous, like I'm about to vomit.

"Oh god," I exhale and suddenly there's a quick flash of light and everything goes completely black.

**************************************************************************************************

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

lmao how come its always the person who does the absolute least acting like they're being worked to death???

this nasty old lady i work with keeps putting her shit sights on me. she thinks I'm spoiled, and getting special treatment, meanwhile the special treatment is...

-I get supervisor tasks bc our department 2nd is on medical leave and I already know how to do them from when our last 2nd was acting manager

-I 'leave early' also known as I can sit down in the middle of my shift for and hour bc I'm chronically not ok and my joints will seize up, so if I get all my shit done, I punch for my lunch 1hr before I'm off, get my groceries, punch back in from lunch, then i punch out to go home so i technically took my lunch and payroll doesnt have to manually fix it and i dont put the department over hours

-new one, I get to 'just change my shifts on a whim' because Im the only canteen person who will work sundays means every Sunday i work, if this specific bitch needs a Saturday night off I'm the only other deli closer, if the one other canteen lady books a saturday off (which she does every 2nd week) its me, if the boss needs a saturday off its fucking me opening the deli. As a consolation prize for this shitty reality my boss acknowledges I get the privilege of, if I work a canteen shift, doing backshift, which yes absolutely means I was scheduled for 8 hours and finished in 6 and did not stay and put the order away for her, bc thats literally the only reason for her to be there befire the store opens

like no one wants to do what I do, I like the work I do, I am fucking good at it and I have no problem getting it all done bc I dont hover over everyone else in the department.

I know my boss spoke to her about leaving me alone because she's amped up again but jesus shitting christ.

we have a new girl, and shes learning but slowly. everyone is frustrated because she got hired fulltime but isn't as fast as she could be a month in. personallyi dont care how many hours she guarenteed I'm frustrated that she's slow bc she's supposed to be my relief, but she's getting better shes learning 2 deots at once its whatever. 2 weeks ago I was mad bc I closed after this girl and had all the dayshift tasks plus my regular shit. I managed mostly.

last Saturday I opened which i dont normally do and new girl closed. nasty lady was offered a shift just doing my 6 catering trays for the next day, it took her 5.5 hours to do 6 trays ttgat take 20mins each tops. but whatever I was able to put an order away, do all my grab and go trays, tray prep for the next 3 days and work most of my stock, which gave me an hour to just really throughly go over procedures with the new girl since she'd mentioned feeling lost and not knowing how to figure out what to do, or where to find/put things.

I went over reductions in the case and on the floor and the nasty lady pulls me aside and starts telling me not just that I'm doing it wrong but when I point out ive been doing this 3 years, she says "well if [dept manager] sees youll get in shit" i repeat 3 years i do reductions like this bc the DM tells me to "well the GSM isnt going to like it if he sees" genuinely i know Im fine bc we actually had this conversation, like the thing about be trusted with dept running shit is being spoken to like I'm an equal my management. neither of these threats are threatening bc im not afraid of the mangers and I'm doing anything wrong. after i left she told the new girl idshown her everything the wrong way

and i spoke to my boss about it, mostly bc i wanted to varify nothing had changed procedurally and I'd just missed it but also bc I'm fucking sick of being threatened with management when I'm not doing anything wrong and also working myself to death, especially not by a person who cant do half the work i get done

[helloandwelcometomariasblog]

Review #88: Another Miss Oh (Ep 16-17)

Well, that was anticlimactic. Like, extremely anticlimactic. I can't believe the writer did that. I can't believe the writer built that up for the entire drama and then didn't even follow through properly. Not killing Dokyung is okay. But not in that bland way. That was so... bland. That was so boring. Dokyung should've still been in danger somehow. That's what you're supposed to do in the second to last episode. The tension should be the highest there and the drama should reach another climax before giving the audience the happy ending in the last episode. I can't believe it was that easy to resolve. Yes, we know that Dokyung has been making different choices throughout the drama and his saving of Taejin worked in his favor and turned things around. So I know that Taejin deciding to not kill Dokyung makes sense. However. It was still anticlimactic as heck and - I can't not mention this, Dokyung had a ton of things he could do to avoid being killed (I say this because he seemed to want to avoid it anyway, by the way he was running away). He could've gone back into the building or, when he was running, he totally could have run into the grass/tree area or at least in a zigzag pattern or something. His character isn't as dumb as to run in a straight line in the middle of the damn road.

I expected Dokyung to be hit anyway - maybe Taejin stops and hesitates, but decides to follow through anyway. Or maybe Dokyung finds himself in danger in some other way but whichever way, I honestly thought there would be more to this death lead up. Am I the only one feeling disappointed here? The drama dragged this storyline on and on and used it to make the viewers keep watching despite the fact that the couple got together already. The drama milked it and teased the viewers, saying, 'keep watching because you gotta see whether Dokyung dies or not' and then they present it in the blandest way possible.

A drama that did that well, was While You Were Sleeping. The writer set up the vision of Suzy dying from the very start, kept milking it and showing us the same image, then she really followed through in the end. But of course with a marvelous twist. It was so well done. It was great how Suzy desperately tried to avoid that image from coming true but it happened anyway, even despite the fact that While You Were Sleeping also holds the same aspect of characters making different decisions to change their fate. The writer kept up the tension and amped up the suspense at the climax, made that vision actually happen, then saved Suzy at the last minute while audiences were still holding their breath and at the edge of their seats. Now that was a climax well done, and that was some great use of built-up tension. So yes, I'm still disappointed at how this drama did it.

Also, I'm now wondering if it's Dokyung as a character or if it's Eric's acting. He just looks so TIRED all the time. Was he this robotic and emotionless? There surely are characters who internalize their emotions, but that doesn't mean you act like a man who hasn't had a decent sleep in weeks but still loves his girlfriend. It's like I've forgotten who Dokyung is as a character cause he seems so empty. I don't think facial acting is something Eric is particularly good at. Feelings and thoughts can be internalized but they still inevitably show on your face and in your eyes. The moment Dokyung fully gave himself to love he became boring. I can't even remember the dynamic person he used to be when he wasn't in love with Haeyoung. At least he had some personality back then.

I went back to watch some of the earlier episodes just to see how Dokyung was before he fully gave into Haeyoung, and... maybe that really is just Dokyung as a character. Internalizes thoughts and feelings, doesn't share easily AT ALL (which he mentions himself in a much later episode), doesn't like revealing emotions, he actually pretty sucks at communication. I guess the main difference between before-love Dokyung and after-love Dokyung is that he's much kinder and gentler. He still utters words only when absolutely necessary (lol) but his face is... more relaxed. Maybe that's why I've been feeling that he looks tired all the time?! Wow. His face used to be so tense and angry and he never smiled and after loving Haeyoung his face is more relaxed and soft. That solves my mystery, I guess. I still think Eric could have done a better job at showing subtle emotions through his facial expressions.