#i got insomnia

[darkravn]

It's my birthday!

[jooyeonjooyeoff]

LISTEN-

[madbalalaika]

Am I weird for this? Does anyone else sometimes look at a fictional character and get a very strong urge to sniff them cause they look like they smell really good?

[pigeon-ponders]

thinking again about the tragedy of the hive. something is changing the tides of your world and it is a god wave that will destroy your civilization. you search to stop it and discover the power to save your species from extinction. but your species never would have been extinct -- the god wave was a lie and the force causing it was a god coming to save your kind, uplift them, extend their lives and bestow knowledge for a golden age. the deal you made was from that god's opposing force. you've doomed your entire race to an endless cycle of violence to survive. you trade ten fragile years of life for immortallity at the cost of killing endlessly. you never learn the truth, not until milleniums later, and far too late.

thinking about the tragedy of the osmium siblings. their desparations turned against them like a knife which they used to carve away anything in existence that challenged them -- because it is a threat against their life, and this all started to save their lives. how ironic it is, then, that at the cost of immortality, they worship death.

thinking of xivu's stubborness, her steel chitin and flaming heart, twisted into a blinding hatred of anything that goes against her beliefs -- her brother's will. "I’ll beat the world until it changes! I’ll kill anything in the way!"

thinking of oryx's thirst for knowledge, for answers, because what you know can't harm you. of his love for his sisters, which he would do anything for. "Let us go down, down, where we may discover truth, some power to avenge ourselves upon our betrayers, some hope of survival."

thinking of how love is violence is love is violence to the hive. it is a circle. "I love mighty Xivu more than a moon loves the tide. I'll kill her for this. Over and over, forever and ever."

thinking.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Have you ever noticed how Vessel has never actually said the words "I love you"? Like. He says it many, many times - each breath he takes is a confession - but he has never said it.

It's always "my love is / as (...)", "I'm full of the love you want", "like lovers", "your love", "(...) falling in love with me". The closest we get is "I made loving you (...)". Which still isn't quite the same as saying I love you.

It's almost like he needs to put some sort of barrier between what he feels and what he knows it's the truth to lessen the blow. Because he does love them, and will continue to do so, forevermore. No matter the cost of rain, through death. He's theirs unconditionally, even if it hurts him, right?

But they don't feel the same. He knows that. He begs for it, for them to fall for him, to take a bite, show him what it's like.

Vessel knows that they want his love, companionship, worship, whatever you want to call it, the way a wolf wants its prey. He knows that they keep him around, keep pretending to be falling in love with him, merely as play thing, a means to an end. He knows all of this and keeps loving anyway, knowing that his love doesn't matter.

You don't really love,

you just hate to be alone.

Because hiding behind big, fancy, flourished phrases like "I'll live like I've got missing limbs for you", and "My arms belong around you", and "We go beyond the farthest reaches", and -

And you know I'll be yours Just want to be worth it I will run like the wind till you follow me again

- is much easier than to admit the very simple and pathetic three-worded truth, knowing it is not reciprocated. Not anymore at least (if ever).

If what they say is "Nothing is forever", then what makes love the exception?

[snackugaki]

glasses and gadgets gang

[caliartcat]

you are my morning light~

guy who sleeps in 50 different positions, managed to kick all the pillows off the bed, and wakes up with the worst bedhead ever x guy who sleeps like the literal reincarnation of sleeping beauty

[flying-cat]

good morning opening shift bakudekuers hopefully you all got more sleep than i did

[sassy-stupid]

A little Xavier drabble based on my earlier post. It's about 400 words

You'd be the first to admit that it had been a while since you'd gotten enough rest. What can you say, though? Hunter business was booming in all the worst ways.

It wasn't just you this recent increase in monsters had been affecting. Nero and Tara had been putting in extra hours and even Xavier had put in overtime. The latter resulting in barely there bags under his eyes, on his otherwise perfect complexion.

Speaking of your neighbor, he was right in front of your door as you opened it to rush to work.

"Ah, you're awake? Good," he says, the tone of his voice neutral, as always, yet you pick up on the sleepiness laced through it. There's no mistaking it, Xavier only just rolled out of bed.

"Hey Xavier, wanna carpool?" You ask, trying to step past him. He blocks your path, even goes as far as to wrap his arm around you to keep you from slipping past him.

"Jenna called. She told us to take the day off. Another unit will be filling in for us in fear of overworking the unicorns," he explains.

Unsatisfied with that explanation, you still try to push past him. "Well, I'm up now anyway, might as well kill some wanderers."

He leans against you, his weight paired with the arm keeping you pressed against him pushes you back inside your apartment, and he somehow manages to close the door behind him.

"Oh no," you can almost hear that sneaky little grin in his voice. "Gravity," he leans onto you with even more weight, and it's all you can do to stumble to the couch, trying not to fall to the floor. "It's increasing on me."

"Xavier!" You protest. "No, it is not!" You try to push one last time, but he just lets himself fall against you again, successfully making both of you drop onto the couch.

"Is too, (y/n), the same thing happened yesterday" with both of you laying on the couch, though with him still enforcing his 'increased gravity' on you, you could see his face again. He DID have that smug little grin on his face. "The wanderers almost got me because of it. You simply must indulge me and nap with me, or it may cost me my life."

With a huff, a frown, and a yawn, you end up complying. And with a heated and weighted Xavier blanket on you, you doze off fairly quick.

[nat-20s]

Martin Blackwood writing extremely mediocre poetry for himself and himself alone in his late 20s is like soooo endearingly cringey but then YOU try writing extremely mediocre poetry for yourself and yourself alone in your late 20s and it's like OH. OH GIRL I GET IT!

[frobby]

I think rin is actually an early riser or at least was cuz he liked making breakfast for everyone but since demons are nocturnal his powers getting unsealed completely ruined his internal clock

[secondbeatsongs]

so maybe. just like maybe. try to make it so that you don't get exposed to covid, get two vaccines, start a new medication, have a busy time at work, and then get no sleep because of a car alarm going off twice, all in the same 48hr period.

would not recommend

[derrygirlstrash]

Clare is mischaracterized a lot lowkey because I think people love Clare for being an anxious lesbian so much that they instinctively craft a more palatable version of that trait onto her and it’s a shame because Clare is a fascinating little beastie. She is childhood friends with the likes of Erin and Michelle for a reason after all. She is arguably just as selfish as Erin /affectionate and just as impulsive as Michelle /affectionate it just is formed around the insane molten hot anxiety disorder inside her little lesbian brain. She thinks she’s better than them when in reality she is just as bad.

I’d argue she stays selfish /affectionate longer than Erin does. Until the final two episodes I fully believe Clare would have sold any of them up the river for a corn chip if that corn chip would save her skin. It’s often said that Clare and James hold the single brain cell but I think the truth is likely that Orla holds it and they just forgot to use it or hand it to someone cause they were going ham on a bag of sweets.

If you hate Erin for her selfish traits and just kinda forget that Clare is just as bad then idk what to tell you they’re birds of a feather.

[poomphuripan]

Up Poompat and Poom Phuripan saying the final farewell to their characters Ming & Joe on their last day on set of filming My Stand-In

[mothorcus]

got like 3-4ish hours of sleep because the insomnia was insomniaing so take these very self indulgent domestic and sleepy doodles :)

[varpusvaras]

Fox knew what it was like to be tired.

He knew it like it was a physical thing he had carried around with him for years. He knew the weight of it, the way it would drag him down, threatening to pull him through the floor and the ground and through the core of the planet, until he would fall into the endless void of space. During the worst of it, Fox would wonder it that was the only way he was ever going to feel weightless again.

The few hours of sleep he would get during the nights would only make him be able to carry the weight a little easier for the time being, but not make it any lighter. It was something more at that point, Fox had realised, something that would not be cured with just simply closing his eyes for a moment.

So, when Thorn asked him, the moment before Fox stepped onto the ship that would take him away from Coruscant permanently, what was the first thing Fox would do when he got to Alderaan, Fox had an answer ready.

"Sleep", he said. "I'm going to get into a real bed and sleep."

He truly meant it. He also meant it when he told Bail the same, and he meant it when he told it to Breha too.

They all agreed that it was a good idea.

"We're going to take care of everything", Breha promised him.

"You can just rest now", Bail said, and tucked Fox a little closer to him. "Just sleep."

The bed was comfortable, Bail and Breha were warm and safe next to him, and Fox was so, so tired.

He didn't need to be told twice. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

---

Fox opened his eyes.

It was still dark in the bedroom. He was still tucked securely against Bail, with Breha pressed close against his other side. They were both still sleeping.

Fox was fully awake.

He craned his neck a little to see the chrono on Breha's nightstand. 4.15. Precisely the time Fox had woken up every single morning during the war.

Fox turned to look at the ceiling. He counted to ten. The time was still 4.15.

He closed his eyes and tried to match his breathing first to Bail's, then to Breha's, but in vain. He was awake.

Fox opened his eyes and looked at the time. 4.23.

He laid there, looking at the chrono as the minutes slowly ticked by. By 4.30, there was a feeling creeping in. Fox knew it very well. It was the same feeling he had felt every single time he had been stuck in the medbay for any longer period of the time, while he acutely knew that he had work waiting for him.

Restlessness.

By 4.45, he was starting to feel almost anxious. The bed was comfortable and warm, and Bail and Breha were still sleeping, and Fox didn't want to get up, but he wasn't so sure if he could stay in the bed for much longer either.

4.50. 4.55. 4.58. 4.59.

5.00.

Very slowly and very carefully, Fox slid out of Bail's hold and away from Breha, and after making sure that they were still sleeping, he quietly made it out of the bed, grabbed Bail's robe and put it on himself, and then sneaked out of the bedroom.

He didn't do much. He just walked around for a bit in their living room, getting the anxiousness out of his body and his legs to stop tingling, and then he sit down on their couch and looked out of the window. The sun was rising at that point, making the sky pale where it touched down on the mountaintops.

Bail's robe was soft and warm and smelled faintly of Bail's cologne. Fox got a datapad, selected a random video of how to make a some sort of buttercheese pastry, and he buried himself deeper into the robe and watched it. Then he watched through whatever videos the site was suggesting for him, until the sky was painted warm, and he could hear an alarm go off in the bedroom.

It took another few minutes until Breha appeared next to him.

"Oh", she said, and turned to look over her shoulder. "I found your robe, dear!"

Then she sat next to Fox and put her arm around him.

"Have you been awake for long?" She asked. There was no accusation in her voice, and Fox felt a sting of guilt for expecting it to be there.

"For a while", Fox answered. He looked at the time on the datapad. 6.56. "I...couldn't sleep."

He felt somehow like he had failed at something when he said it. Breha only nodded slowly, before she sighed softly, and put her head on Fox's shoulder.

"Did you sleep well?" She asked.

To that, Fox thankfully had a better answer.

"I did", he said. He really had. It had probably been the best sleep of his entire life.

"That's good", Breha said, and lifted her head enough to kiss him on the cheek. "Now, there's going to be caf in just a moment. The usual for you? Black, with a lot of sugar?"

Fox really should be cutting back the sweeteners in his caf, he knew that. But maybe, just this once.

"Exactly that", he answered, just as Bail also made his way into the living room.

"We need to get you your own", he said, looking at Fox. Then he paused for a moment, before adding, "not that you don't look cute in that."

Fox stuck out his tongue at him. Bail only laughed.

---

Fox went to sleep that night, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.

He woke up at 4.15.

He waited until 4.45, and then slid out of the bed.

---

Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.

He woke up at 4.15.

He laid there for ten more minutes, before he slid out of the bed.

---

Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.

He woke up at 4.15.

He was fully awake, but he felt so heavy. He wanted to just keep laying there, in the warm bed, in the warm and safe embrace he was yet again lovingly wrapped in.

But no. His body soon begun to tell him that he needed to get up, right now, or he was going to have to tear his own skin off.

Fox slid out of the bed, made it to the living room, and collapsed onto the couch.

He was so tired. He wanted to sleep.

Breha and Bail definitely looked concerned when they saw him there that morning.

"Do you want to go see the doctors?" Breha asked him carefully.

"I don't know", Fox told her. He shouldn't have to. He was tired. He wanted to sleep.

---

Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.

He woke up at 4.15.

He was fully awake. He was so tired. He wanted to sleep.

Fox forced his eyes shut. He laid there as long as he could, before he had to get up.

He wasn't so careful with it that time, and Bail opened his eyes as he was halfway out.

"Fox?" He asked, groggily, lifting his head. "Where are you going?"

Fox crumpled the sheets in his fists.

"I can't sleep", he choked out, and then fled the bedroom.

Bail followed him a couple of minutes later, and quietly and gently gathered Fox in his arms, and sat with him on the couch, watching a random video after random video, until Breha's alarm went off.

Breha asked Fox about the doctors again. Fox still didn't have an answer for her.

He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep.

What else should he have needed?

---

Fox went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.

He woke up at 4.15.

Fox couldn't stop the frustrated and desperate sob from escaping from his mouth before it was too late. Both Bail and Breha were awakened by it, and by the time they had realised what was going on, Fox was already full-on crying.

"I just want to sleep!" Fox wailed, biting his teeth together so hard that it hurt his jaw. "I just want to sleep!"

He pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to keep them shut, but of course, it didn't work.

He was fully awake.

He was so tired. He wanted to sleep.

Breha made the decision for Fox then and there.

"I'm taking you to the doctors", she said, leaving no room for any arguments, not that Fox had any left anyway.

---

The doctor said that Fox's body was still in the so-called "stress mode". It had not yet realised that it was out of the danger, out of the stressful environment it had been forced to operate in for so long.

It was going to take time, apparently, for it to snap out of it. In the meanwhile, Fox got a prescription for something that was supposed to help him sleep.

The doctor gave the medicine to Breha and told her the dosage. Fox thought that it was for the best as well.

---

Fox took his medicine, went to sleep, tired and ready to sleep for the next week.

He was awakened by the alarm. He watched as Breha and Bail got up.

"Do you want to stay in bed for a bit longer?" Bail asked him softly.

Fox nodded. He had slept, but he didn't feel like it at all.

Bail brushed his hair gently back from his face. Breha kissed him just as gently on the forehead before they headed out.

He was so tired. He just wanted to sleep.

Fox cried himself silently back to the sleep that didn't feel like sleep at all.

---

Fox kept his head up, even though it weighed a ton, and he wanted nothing more than to just let it drop down, down, down.

He knew what being tired felt like. It was all that he had ever known, after all.

He blinked. People around him had moved. Oh, right. They were going to have dinner with Bail's family. Fox liked them a lot. He hoped that they liked him as well.

He blinked again. Tia was saying something to him. Fox liked Tia. She was like a smaller Bail, without a beard and a lot more hair.

Fox turned to look at her. She was shorter than him, just a bit. Not a lot, but he still needed to look down if he wanted to look her in the eyes.

He looked down, down, down, past her eyes, past her, down, down, down.

He was so tired.

He just wanted to sleep.

---

Breha bit on her thumbnail.

"Stop that", Bail said, and grabbed her wrist. "You're making it bleed."

Breha would've almost preferred that, if she was being completely honest.

"I know, I just-" She had to pause to gather her thoughts. "I just feel so awful. How did I not notice that it was not working?"

"He was sleeping more", Bail said. He ran his thumb soothingly up and down her wrist. "We knew that he was tired. It doesn't get better in a few days. I didn't notice either."

Breha appreciated him trying to make it sound better, even if it was not working.

Veda opened the door then, and motioned them in.

"Bad news? He's exhausted, and has a little bump and a bruise on his head", she started, scrolling through the diagnosis on her datapad. "Good news? He's sleeping now, and the bump and the bruise will fade in a few days."

Bail squeezed Breha's shoulder.

"What should we do?" He asked.

"Let him sleep", Veda answered. "His body has finally said enough. Make sure that he eats and keeps himself hydrated. I will come and check on him as often as you want."

Breha let herself breathe a little deeper.

"Thank you", she said. Veda smiled a bit.

"It's not the first time I've seen this", she said. "It took a while for Index and the boys to start getting actual rest. They kept waking up in the middle of the night, fully awake and feeling like they needed to get to work. They're better now. Fox will also get better, I promise."

Breha was going to hold onto that promise.

Fox looked very small by himself on the bed, with the blanked wrapped all around him. He didn't wake up when Breha slid onto the bed next to him and wrapped her arms around him as well.

---

Fox slept through the rest of the day like a stone, barely moving at all. Breha kept telling herself that it was alright, that he was finally resting.

Fox did finally move, when they both went to sleep as well. He shifted a little when Breha rested her head over his chest and Bail wrapped his arm around his middle. He made a small sound, and then sagged back against the pillows with a deep sigh.

His heartbeat was strong against Breha's ear. She fell asleep listening to its steady drumming.

---

Fox woke up the next day just before noon. He went to the bathroom, ate a bowl of light soup their chef had made for him, drank a glass of water Bail gave him, mumbled I love you to them, and went back to bed.

He was out again the moment his head hit the pillow.

Bail draped the blanket over him.

"At least he is sleeping", he said. "I'll do my work from here today."

Breha nodded.

"Update me if anything happens", she made him promise.

---

Bail sent her the first picture ten minutes into the first hearing of the day.

Breha quickly glanced at it in between the speakers.

Fox had grabbed onto the rest of the pillows as well, and stuffed them halfway inside his blanket.

He has made his claim read the message accompanying the picture.

The picture made something unwind further in her chest.

It would be okay, she told herself.

---

"Did you sleep well?" Breha asked, twirling Fox's hair around her finger.

"Mm-mmh", Fox hummed, already mostly asleep again. Breha peppered light kisses on his cheeks and nose before he was fully under again.

---

The Cocoon has moved, Bail messaged her at the end of the weeks Council meeting. In the attached picture, Fox had apparently rolled over to the other side of the bed from where Breha had left him that morning. His hair was sticking up a bit, and he had a small pout on his face as he slept.

He was so very adorable. Breha saved the image for herself.

---

Fox slept through the last two days of the week as well, with barely stirring for longer than a few minutes at a time.

Zhellday morning he blinked awake around ten, properly hungry for the first time in a while, and ate a good breakfast and a light lunch soon on top of it. He went back to bed after, but didn't fall back asleep right away.

"How are you feeling?" Bail asked him.

Fox blinked at couple of times, his nose scrunching up in thought.

"Tired", he said. "Better. But sweaty."

Bail laughed.

"You've been toasting inside the blankets for a while", he said. "I'll draw you a bath."

Fox smiled back at him, a little wobbly.

"Thank you", he said, and then promptly fell back asleep.

Bail shook his head, and went to the bathroom to warm up the bathtub.

---

"Have I ever told you about the time I decided to run away from home?" Bail asked.

"No?" Fox turned to look at him, after blinking slowly first. He was shoulders in to the water, with the foaming soap already stuck to one side of his face.

"I was around ten", Bail started, rolling his sleeves up more and putting his hands into the water to scoop it up. He poured the water over Fox's head a few times over, before getting the shampoo. "Back then I really didn't want to grow up to be a Nobleman."

He poured the shampoo to his hands and rubbed them together slightly, before starting to work it into Fox's hair.

"I do remember that", Fox mumbled. He tilted his head forward a bit to give Bail better access. "You wanted to go adventuring around the Galaxy."

"I did", Bail nodded. "It was really getting to me, at that point. I would spend all the time I could outside, living inside my games, predenting I was far, far away from Kathou, from Alderaan altogether. I thought this place was boring back then."

He still remembered it clearly, although not too vividly. Too much had changed during the years between that and the current moment. Now, Bail didn't know anything better than Alderaan.

He got the shampoo in, and got more water to rinse it out. They had gotten a good conditioner as well, one that promised that it was made to keep curly hair like Fox's soft and moisturised. The soaps the GAR had used had definitely not been made with the clone's hair in mind.

"I was awake one night, later than I should've been", Bail continued, as he started to gently massage the conditioner to Fox's hair. "I was thinking of sneaking into the library and getting one of the books to read, when I heard my parents talk. They were debating over sending me to a school to learn some discipline and responsibility. I feel a bit funny over how much that thought upset me then. I was definitely a bit spoiled."

He felt especially silly about it now, sitting next to the bathtub in the Royal Palace, while washing his husband's hair for him. His husband, who had known nothing else than training and pain and duty his entire life before now, and was tired to the bone because of it.

Bail's parents had not even been the ones who had come up with the idea of sending him to a boarding school for a year or two. It had been his grandfather, and his parents had been very much against the idea, believing that Bail would grow out of it when he was older, if he just felt supported enough. They had been very right, of course. Not that Bail had stayed to listen to them for long enough to figure that out-

Fox slid deeper into the water. His eyes had closed while Bail had concentrated on getting the conditioner in.

His mouth was partially under the water now. Bail put his hand under his chin and lifted it up.

"Fox", he called. Fox startled a bit, and sent the water splashing as he scrambled to sit back up, his eyes open and wide.

"I'm awake", he said, shivering as his wet skin hit the air. "I'm awake. Sorry, what did you just say?"

There was a single curl plastered over Fox's forehead and the bridge of his nose. Bail stiffled a laugh.

"I was saying, that I think you have been in there for long enough", he said. "Let me just rinse this off."

Fox's eyes were drooping again by the time Bail had gotten a towel for him. Bail dried his hair and wrapped the towel around him, and then led him back to the bedroom.

Sometimes Bail didn't like his height and size, but sometimes being the tallest person in most rooms came in handy. His shirts were all too big for Fox, and thus easy to slip on him without too much of a fuss.

Fox's eyes were barely open as Bail got him back to bed.

"Have good dreams, my love", he said, pressing a kiss on Fox's forehead. Fox hummed, content, and just a few seconds later, he was already asleep.

Bail got his datapad and laid down next to him, opening his inbox. Fox shifted, and nuzzled in closer to Bail's side.

Bail threw his arm behind him and slipped his fingers into Fox's still slightly damp hair, and Fox settled back down with another soft, content noise.

---

Breha got back from her audiences a couple of hours later.

She opened her hair from the braid and tied it back up to a simple updo, changed out her dress to simple shirt and soft pants and laid down on the other side of Fox.

"I see that you managed to keep him from drowning in the bath", she said, leaning her head lightly on Fox's chest. Fox turned his head slightly to her direction, breathing in a little deeper.

"Had a couple of close calls", Bail laughed, and put his datapad away. "Do you want to watch something?"

"They have the new episode of House Brighterdon up", Breha said, grinning as Bail groaned. "Don't try that, I know you're just as invested as we are."

"Are you sure it's alright to watch it without Fox?" Bail asked. He was already reaching for the screen controls.

"What makes you think that Fox and I haven't already watched it?" Breha asked. "The episode was released a couple of weeks ago already, the next one is coming next week. I'm not watching that one without Fox, don't you worry."

"If you have already watched this, why are you making me watch it?" Bail asked. He was typing the name of the show in as he spoke.

"Because, like I just said, I know you're just as invested as we are. I'm just making sure that you are caught up as well, you stubborn little bantha."

Bail rolled his eyes and pressed start.

---

Fox opened his eyes.

It was still dark in the bedroom. He was still tucked securely against Bail, with Breha pressed close against his other side. They were both still sleeping.

He blinked slowly, and then lifted his head to look at the chrono on Breha's nightstand. 4.14

Fox watched as the time ticked over to 4.15.

Then he put his head back down, burrowed a little deeper under his blanket, and closed his eyes, drifting back to easy sleep.

---

Fox knew what it was like to be tired.

He knew it like it was a physical thing he had carried around with him for years. Whatever sleep he had gotten before had only made him be able to carry the weight a bit easier for a little while, but not make it weigh any less.

Fox woke up to the ringing of the alarm and the first rays of proper sunlight softly shining through the blinds.

He moved his arms and legs, hoisting himself up, and rubbed his eyes.

As he sat there, in the middle of his bed, in his bedroom, with his wife and husband waking up next to him, for the first time in his life, Fox felt lighter.

Bail leaned to press a quick kiss to the corner of Fox's mouth.

"Good morning", he said, his voice still a bit rough from the sleep. "Did you sleep well?"

Fox breathed in.

"Yes", he said.