#i got in 2 seconds after they went on sale and everything up to row 4 was already gone

[melodiesofmidnight]

guess who got presale tickets to the 50th anniversary event for phantom of the paradise babyyyy

[9layerdevilfoodcake]

Some Of A Kind

Chapter 1: Virgin in the Chapel

(Michael Langdon x reader)

Summary: When you accompany your friend to a black mass at the Church of Satan. You pick the wrong time and place to let him in on the fact that you’re a virgin, garnering the attention of the ‘chosen one’ himself.

Warnings: murder, mentions of drug use, poorly represented Satanism

Word count: 3,666 (that’s right)

//

It was a typical Wednesday night when you got a text from your friend Tyler.

‘So what do you say? Is tonight the night?’

He had been bugging you for weeks to come see a sacrifice at the satanic church. And since the first time he asked, the conversation always went the same way.

/

“I’m telling you, just one slice and then you can have whatever you want”

“You mean I can have powers beyond compare?”

“Yes” he answered back, in a hopeful tone. Clearly he hadn’t picked up on the sarcasm in your voice.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the excitement in his voice.

“I’m sorry, you do whatever you want over there with your edgelords but I’m perfectly happy in my boring powerless existence”

“First of all we aren’t edgelords, we're satanists. We just see the world for what it is. A dreadful place full of selfish people.”

“Well I can’t say I argue with that”

“Exactly, so give in to being selfish, and start doing what you want. You work so hard, and for what a one bedroom apartment you can barely afford and bags under your eyes that are only getting bigger by the day?”

“Hey” you interrupt, slightly offended. Which only earns a laugh on his end.

“I’m just saying, you put in so much effort for no pay off, when you could do this one thing and have everything you deserve”

“What a cable package and a ‘skip the line’ pass at Disneyland?”

“I also get unlimited snacks!”

“Oh sorry how could I forget, well if one soul is all it takes to get a free waffle cone then what are we still doing here?!” You ask back, your tone full of mockery.

“Have you ever wondered why I can snort as much coke as I want and have never OD’d? Or why every girl I bring home is a certified 10?”

Actually you had, the two of you had met the year prior in a religious studies class when you were partnered to write a paper on whether morality was dependent on a god. He could barely get through a sentence without tripping over his words or looking away in embarrassment. It was sweet really, and by the end of the class you two had basically become best friends.

But about 2 months ago things started to change. There was almost always a girl leaving his house when you would come over.

You swore at least two of them you recognized from Victoria Secret runways.

One night you even saw a man leaving whose resemblance to Ryan Reynolds was suspiciously uncanny.

He got a new car without any explanation as to where he got the money, and he had so much coke in his living room you assumed he started dealing, before he told you it was just his stash for the weekend.

At first he was vague about everything, but eventually he told you the truth, or at least what you assumed was a version of it.

For his final project he wrote a research paper on the church of Satan.

You went with him to a couple of services when he was writing it, him being too nervous to go alone.

You both thought they seemed a little kooky, but relatively harmless.

Yet what you didn’t know was that he kept going back after the class ended and had gotten himself sworn in, and eventually given the honor of participating in a black mass.

Where he had sacrificed a school teacher in order to get these new “gifts”.

Now you weren’t naive enough to think he actually killed someone!

You were sure his new lifestyle was a part of some religious Ponzi scheme, and one day the debt collector would come calling.

You’ve watched enough documentaries to know better than to get involved with this.

But he is still your friend so you take it upon yourself to be supportive and let him have his moment, while simultaneously letting him know you’ll be here for him if the day comes that he gets excommunicated.

“I love you and I am so happy for all you’ve gotten, especially when you share it with me, but I’m good, really. I’ll let you know if I ever change my mind”

That dropped the subject for a while.

 

That is until a few days ago when you lost your job.

Well actually when your job was stolen from underneath you by your boss's son.

All it took was one night of bitching to your best friend for the talks of satanism to start up again.

//

So here you were bored on a Wednesday night actually considering his offer to watch a black mass.

‘Well…’

He texted back after a few minutes of no response on your part

‘Fine’

It’s not like he’s ever going to let up, you might as well go see what all the hubbub was about.

After he picked you up, you made your way to the church.

More precisely the back alley with a hidden door. Not at all unsettling.

And the rain pelting down on the robe he gave you just adds a nice ominese touch to what you're sure is going to be a long night.

Now inside you sit in a pew in the back. While the choir above you sings as the others file in.

They actually sound pretty good if you’re being honest. Maybe on your way out you’ll pick up the album you saw for sale in the lobby (for $6.66 no less).

You haven’t been sitting more than 10 minutes before the mass begins.

And in that time Tyler roughly explained what you were about to see.

You weren’t paying too much attention though. More enamored with the atmosphere.

It was a sea of red cloaks and black pentagrams. And the thunder outside appeared to clap along in sync with the crescendo or the choir.

This place seems vastly different from the shabby collection of misfits you encountered when you visited the first time. Who spent most of the service complaining and handed you a stale donut on your way out the door.

“...Y/n are your listening?!”

“Hmm Yea”

“Really?”

“Yea the guy’s gonna sacrifice some ‘innocent soul’ say a few hail satans and voilà he gets his hair back and starts getting laid again” you answer back, waving him off. You’re more interested in watching two Satanists in the front of the room give each other the “sign of the cross” gesture in reverse order.

“This is serious, the things you see might shock you but you can not react! If they think you’re some sort of threat to our secrets or even just afraid of them, it won’t end well. I’m kind of taking a risk by bringing you here”

That brings your attention back to your friend.

“So you hound me for weeks to come with you, but I’m not even allowed to be here?” You ask back, starting to wonder why you actually said yes to this.

“Well yea, I just really want you to see what I’ve seen, I want what’s best for you”

That was actually really sweet of him.

Now you felt a little bad for making fun of this so much.

That is until you see a man in the next row pull out a flask with “unholy water” written on it and rub it on his chest like Vick’s.

But before you get the chance to ask Tyler where he keeps his flask(which you're certain he has). The choir stops singing and the Priestess has the room's attention.

Everything goes as Tyler explains at first.

The “sacrifices” are brought in in their underwear. (They couldn’t even keep their clothes on, what does the devil give them a level up if the victims are humiliated before they die?) and tonight's chosen one, Phil, is about to take his position, before you hear a voice behind you.

“Wait!”

You turn your head to see an older woman rushing in, but it’s not her that steals your focus it’s who walks in behind her.

He is quite possibly the most attractive person you have ever seen. With cheekbones that could slice butter and soft blonde hair falling around icy blue eyes.

She says his name is Michael and this honor belongs to him.

You look over to Tyler to see what’s going on. He didn’t explain what part of the performance this was, was this some sort of second act surprise?

You were expecting this night to follow like a church service, watching Phil take his vows and minimal audience participation. Now you wonder if this is all rehearsed, or if the Satanist’s are partial to improv?

But Tyler pays you no mind, he can’t take his eyes off the blonde either.

It’s not until the Priestess mentions the “mark of the beast” and that he is the chosen one, that you get why Tyler is looking at him like he’s some sort of god.

Because to him he is, this guy is supposed to be the Antichrist.

Tyler says nothing only glances in your direction when he sees you’re the only one still standing, before he pulls you down to your knee like everyone else.

The rest of the performance is really top notch.

The flickering of the lights was a nice touch, but you can’t help but feel a little uneasy wondering how they keep getting the thunder to time up with everything they do.

Plus the bodies of the sacrifices fell to the ground almost too well.

How did they manage to get their bodies to look that lifeless, and why did those cuts look so deep?

But you try not to focus too much on it as you walk to the ceremonial Wednesday night potluck.

/

After the Antichrist has dismissed his followers from fawning all over him, you sit with Tyler at the end of the table and dig into your lasagna.

“So does the antichrist part happen at every sacrifice or is this one special? Is it some Satanic holiday I wasn’t aware of?” You ask, breaking Tyler out of whatever trance he appears to be stuck in.

“What?”

“I gotta say the dramatics were very entertaining, but if you really wanted to get me here all you had to do was tell me the guy who plays the Antichrist is really hot” you snicker under your breath.

“Play? Y/n your don’t understand he IS the Antichrist” he explains in a hushed voice before continuing

“That doesn’t happen every time, he really has come. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for! Don’t you see?! I think it was fate you came here on this night!”

“Ha, why do you need a virgin to sacrifice or something?” You laugh and take another bite before you look over and see Tyler staring at you with wide eyes.

“What?”

“You’re not serious are you?”

“Well yea, what’s the big deal, I didn’t realize you were so caught up on a social construct”

“I’m not, but you can’t say things like that around here” he looks around the room nervously and you follow his path of vision until your eyes land on Michael, who’s own gaze is locked on you.

There’s no way he heard you, you were across the room and you were whispering.

Still he continues to stare with eyes that speak only of intensity. No smile, no nod, no hint emotion whatsoever.

It’s only after you raise your brows and mouth a “What?” That he looks back down at his plate with a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Oh Satan, I think he heard you. You should go” Tyler’s tone becoming more erratic by the second.

“What?” You’re sure he's joking, but when he looks at you there is nothing but worry in his eyes.

Now you’re starting to get nervous, this is too far.

He actually thinks these people are going to do something?

He’s practically shaking with fear, and because of the man in the turtleneck? Who barely knows how to hold a spoon?

Okay you’ll play along for tonight, but tomorrow you are having a serious talk, he might need professional help.

“Alright let's go then” you huff out as you start to grab your belongings.

“I can’t just leave, especially since our savior is here, but I’ll make sure everything is good and you’re not followed or anything”

“Okay, is there some sort of satanic shuttle bus that can take me home? Or should I call an Uber? Does this place have an address or should I just send them an inverted cross?”

Still unamused by your inability to grasp the gravity of the situation, he just shakes his head and hands you his keys.

“Here just take my car, I’ll get a ride later, in fact stay at my house incase you’re followed”

He’s basically pushing you out of your seat and nodding to the door.

“Okay...bye I guess”

And with that you take off down the hall.

You know you’re supposed to go straight to the car. You’ve never seen Tyler look so serious in his life.

But when you walk past the chapel you can’t help but stop. You can still see the bodies up at the altar.

Why are they still there? Was there a trap door you missed and these were just doubles?

Or were these people so committed to the role and as crazy as your friend that they had to stay in the character of “dead sacrifice” all night?

Curiosity got the better of you, the car could wait, you had to see for yourself.

Closer inspection did nothing to stifle your suspicions.

It looked so real.

They weren’t breathing, so there was no way they were still the two actors, but you had never seen fake bodies look so real.

You're reminded of an anatomy class you took last semester.

Those cadavers looked suspiciously close to these.

Just colder and with less life left in their faces.

And there was so much blood, the iron was thick in the air.

But that couldn’t be true. Your friend wouldn’t kill someone would he?

He didn’t actually think they would kill you?

If you got a closer look, if you just swiped some of the “blood” with your pointer finger it would surely taste like corn syrup and not like…

“Are you afraid?”

You whip your head around, blood still staining your finger and beginning to drip onto the linoleum. To see Michael walking in the same way he had an hour earlier. Only this time without the cloak, but with some newly added confidence.

“They’re really dead aren’t they?” You know it’s true, but you still wait for his confirmation.

“Yes, that tends to happen when you slice someone’s throat” He acts as if this shouldn’t be a shock to you. It didn’t shock any of the other members of the congregation. Yet you know without him saying it, that he’s well aware you’re not like the others. That you don’t belong here.

“So you really sacrifice people, just to get stuff” you blurt out. Still trying to wrap your head around the fact that everything you witnessed tonight was real. Perhaps you shouldn’t have taken that last crescent roll you’d seen another satanist eyeing at dinner, you definitely have a curse coming your way. That is if you live through the night.

“Well not me” Michael says, pulling you out of your thoughts and back to the present.

“Oh of course, you’re the one they do it for”

“Well my father more specifically”

“Does that upset you?” You know you should be more careful about how you proceed with this conversation, but the words leave your mouth before your mind can stop them.

The question seems to catch him by surprise as he ruffles his brow, you’re not sure if it’s in anger or just shock at your brazenness. But he doesn’t answer. Just goes on to question you.

“Have you ever witnessed a murder before?”

“No”

“How did you feel watching it before your eyes?”

“Well I didn’t feel much, considering I thought it was all fake” That earns you a smile from him.

“And how do you feel now?”

“Curious”

“Really? Not scared?”

“No. Why should I be?” You’re really digging your own grave here. But your mouth seems to have a mind of its own.

“It seems your friend would say otherwise”

“Ah so you did hear.” You say, seeing his smile grow wider. “These aren't the days of the Old Testament, virginity doesn’t equally purity. Just ask sacrifice number one over there, with a body like that I doubt she was a virgin” you laugh, partially at your joke and partially out of sheer uncomfortableness. Michael doesn’t even spare the bodies a glance, eyes latched onto you, you go on to add

“I’m no saint. Despite my sexual history, or lack thereof”

“No, I’m sure you’re not” he emphasizes by swiping some of the liquid from your finger with his own, before taking it into his mouth. Making a show of it by closing his eyes as he releases it from his lips, slow as molasses. Smiling when he opens his eyes and sees you’re practically drooling.

Before his little show can go any further, you continue with your own questions.

“Have you killed people before?”

“Yes”

“How many?”

“You don’t have the time”

He’s looking at you waiting for your response. Waiting for the shock to subside and the shrieks of terror to take over.

Instead you just pause thinking everything over.

You should be scared, you know you should.

In one night you have watched two people die, found out your friend is a murderer, and that the Antichrist is not only NOT a myth, but is standing in front of you, conversing with you like he’s nothing more than your new neighbor.

Yet you search and search in your mind for any hint of fear and come up empty. All you feel is curiosity. You must be losing it too, you feel bad for judging Tyler so harshly. Maybe it’s his youthful face and the little outburst in the dining hall earlier, but Michael seems like more than simply the ‘incarnation of evil’. He seems so...human.

And more than anything he just seems confused and dare you say, lost.

“Do you like killing people? Or do you do it because it’s expected?”

“It depends”

“Would you like to kill me?”

Now it’s his turn to take pause, looking like he’s trying to decide if he’s “in the mood” to take your life.

“Not right now”

You can’t help but laugh at that (yea you’re definitely in shock). Soon enough he joins in too, and the mood feels lighter than it has all night. You might even say you feel comfortable.

That is until the laughter subsides and you meet his eyes. He’s now staring at you with the same intensity you’d met earlier at dinner.

It’s like he’s looking right through you, into your soul. You feel on display and more than anything afraid of what he might find.

“Stop that”

“Stop what?” He says with a playful tone and a tilt of his head.

“You’re..well..I don’t know what you’re doing but I don’t like it. You’re trying to get a read on me or something.”

He just smiles at that, because of course he does.

You know there is no avoiding playing into his hand. He wants to get a rise out of you, in one way or another.

“And what do yo-”

“Y/N!”

At the mention of your name you both turn to see Tyler standing in the doorway.

Antichrist or not, the look Michael gives him is enough to send a wave of fear up your spine.

He appears as though he’s about to snap his neck through just a look(and you're afraid to find out if he could).

Noticing his anger, Tyler stops and bows before Michael, apologizing incessantly for interrupting him.

You don’t miss the twitch of Michael’s lips. He’s clearly loving the effects he has on his followers.

You just roll your eyes at your friend.

“Calm down Tyler, get up”

He just let’s your words pass over him as if you hadn’t even spoken. If he hadn’t been the one to call your name a moment ago, you wouldn’t be sure he even knew you were in the room.

Every sense he had was aimed at Michael, and it was only when his precious dark lord gave him a nod that he got up and looked your way again.

“What are you doing? I thought you were going home?” He says through clenched teeth.

If he weren’t so worried about keeping you alive he would be pissed at you for not listening.

“I was. I am” you reassure him turning to Michael.

“It was a pleasure to meet you Michael, I’ll see myself out”

You are scurrying out of the room, grabbing a frozen Tyler and tugging him along with you, when Michael calls after you.

“No y/n, the pleasure was all mine.”

You’re at the end of the hall, and in the middle of Tyler’s scolding session, when you realize there is still blood on your finger.

It feels like it’s vibrating where Michael touched you, begging you to take notice.

Just wipe it on your jeans, you tell yourself.

Wait until you get to the car and find a napkin.

Do anything rational other than what you're thinking.

As you pass through the exit door, you cave and take a taste of the crimson on your finger.

Although you can’t see him, you know Michael is smiling. You can feel his smugness in the air around you and you're sure he knows what you just did.

This started out just as me wanting to make some jokes about Michael and the Satanists and has somehow turned into a multi-chapter fic. I still don’t really know where it’s going I’m just letting it take on a mind of it’s own. If it looks familiar it’s cuz it’s been on ao3 for a little bit now, so sorry it’s not a “new” new story! If you liked it that makes me very happy, and if not I hope it was at least entertaining! Either way thank you for reading!

(I wasn’t sure who wanted to be tagged just in my Xavier fic and who did in general so I didn’t add a tag list to this one)

[kritomiesterbanta]

Cruel Summer

ABOUT: You finally get to head out on tour with Shawn, but find out he has to pretend to be with Camila. A little warning, this may turn into a love triangle with Connor if I choose to make it into a series. 

WORD COUNT: 2,196

Part 2 l Part 3

You had been waiting for school to let out so that you could join Shawn on his tour, and today was finally the day that you would get to see him. Truly, the thought of this day was what fueled you, and had been the only thing getting you through these past couple of months. You and Shawn had done all that you could to stay in touch with daily texts and facetime calls, but it just had never felt like enough. You could tell he was distracted, and he had every right to be. He was traveling to all of these amazing places, and you didn’t like the idea of holding him back because he had to talk to his girlfriend who was halfway around the world. 

You two had made it work though, and now you wouldn’t have to worry about holding him back, or him missing out on anything because now the two of you could do it together. Your reunion had been everything that you could have wanted or expected it to be, but it was incredibly short lived as you made your way into his hotel room and sat down on his bed. You knew exactly how you wanted this moment to go, but it was clear that something was bothering him.

“What’s up babe?” you ask with a bit of a raised brow, just wanting him to spill it.

“So I know this was supposed to be our Summer, but my team is really adamant about me and Camila playing things up and acting like a couple in order to boost sales and popularity for Senorita,” he hesitantly explained. You could tell that this wasn’t something he wanted to be telling you, but that didn’t mean this hurt any less.

“So what? You’re breaking up with me?” you asked, your voice starting to quiver. 

“No, no babygirl,” he quickly assured you as he moved to kneel in front of you as he reached to grab your hands. “We’ll still be together, but we just have to keep it hidden for awhile. I mean, that’s pretty much what we’ve been doing already anyway, so we can do it for awhile longer right?” he pleadingly asked, his eyes searching yours.

“I guess,” you softly sighed, since while this wasn’t the summer you had originally planned, at least you were still going to be together, just not in public like the two of you had actually planned. 

You couldn’t say that you enjoyed hearing about all the details. While you knew that Shawn and Camila were nothing more than best friends, how could you truly be okay with him holding her hand and even kissing in public? Not only that, but you would be there to witness all of it. In order for your presence on tour to make sense it was going to be said that you were a close friend of Connor’s.

You actually liked Connor, and the two of you tended to get along rather well whenever the two of you spent time together, but once again, this was not how you imagined spending your summer with Shawn. It was supposed to be your boyfriend that you hung out with and walked down the streets with as you explored the cities, not Connor. In some ways you supposed this was what you signed up for when you had originally agreed to date Shawn. You knew dating a celebrity was going to have its downsides, but this was a bit much.

It certainly didn’t help that on your second day there, and the day of his first show with you there that he and Camila were going to have their first public outing with her coming to his show tonight. That was supposed to be the two of you doing all of that, not him and her. You didn’t want to blame Camila, since actually, every time the two of you had been around each other you had enjoyed her company, but that certainly didn’t make any of this easier. 

Not really in the mood to do any exploring of your own for the day you had decided to just hang out in the hotel room, hopefully being able to resist going online to see if any of the pictures of Shawn and Camila were up yet. You knew what it was, and what it actually meant, but that didn’t mean you wanted to see it.

Hearing a knock at the door you curiously moved to answer it.

“Hey Y/N,” Connor greeted you with a bit of a shy smile.

“Um, hey. What’s up?” you asked, pretty surprised by his presence. 

“Well, I was thinking since it’s your first full day here you would like to get out and explore. Plus, we’re old friends right? We gotta hang out ” he joked with a wink that actually managed to make you smile.

“Well, when you put it that way,” you softly giggled with a small shake of the head. “Plus, I think I’m driving myself crazy being in here all alone so maybe it is best for me to get out,” you further offer. “Let me just grab my bag,” You fully give in as you walk further into the room to grab your purse from the table before following him outside.

While you had been pretty positive that you would be miserable the entire day. The two of you actually manage to have some fun, and interestingly enough, Connor does do a good job of taking your mind off of Shawn and Camila. Not only did the two of you go out to lunch, but he showed you how to use his big expensive camera. What you aren’t too sure of is him wanting to take some pictures of you. Actually, he tends to take the pictures when you least expect it and are completely off guard.

“Connor!” you exclaim after having caught him in the act again.

“Sorry,” he softly chuckles, even though it’s obvious that he isn’t sorry. “I couldn’t help it. Plus, Shawn will love these pictures,” he further offers, which you can’t say you mind the idea. Plus, you yourself are having a pretty amazing day, and it would be nice to have some memories of it, even if this wasn’t how you had originally planned to spend the day. 

“Well let’s at least get one of the two of us,” you suggest as you see him wrinkle his nose a bit.

“Oh come on,” you giggle once more as you reach for his arm and pull him towards you. “Just one selfie” you declare, but instead of using his fancy camera, you instead pull out your phone.

You had never been able to post a picture of you and Shawn on your instagram for obvious reasons, but if you were going to be here for the rest of the tour, and you and Connor were supposed to be friends you didn’t see a problem with it. If anything, it would likely just make the whole story that much more believable. 

“Hey, send me a copy of that,” he instructs as you raise your eyebrow at him once more.

“I thought you weren’t into selfies” you tease.

“Well maybe that one wasn’t totally horrible,” he offers back as you not only work send the picture to him, but post it up on your instagram account as well.

“We should probably be heading back soon though” you hear him say as you look at the time on your phone.

“Oh wow,” you remark, surprised by how quickly the day had actually gone. “Yeah, let’s get back” you agree before smiling over at him. “Hey Con, thanks for getting me out today. I would have been miserable sitting inside all day. This was just what I needed.”

“Don’t mention it. I had fun too,” he offered with a casual shrug. 

Really though, you were incredibly thankful. Not once had you considered pulling out your phone to check the gossip, and while you were starting to get curious now, you were still able to resist with Connor by your side.

Even with the two of you coming back in what you had assumed would be enough time to get to the arena together, apparently Shawn had already gone ahead, especially since he did need to get ready for the Q&A’s and meet and greets. Plus, you couldn’t be upset. You shouldn’t have gotten so distracted.

Finally arriving with Connor the two of you said goodbye and went your separate ways so he could go and get his equipment ready for the evening, and so you could go and catch the last of his Q&A session.

“Where were you?” Shawn asked, once he spotted you after he had finally finished up.

“I was out with Connor,” you explained, somewhat surprised by his reaction, since while he was doing his best to hide his annoyance, you knew him well enough to know that it was bothering him that you weren’t there when he got back. “That’s a good thing right?” you further offer. “It sells the story and he kept me from getting stuck in my head or bored out of my mind.”

“Yeah, It is. I was just excited to see you and spend some time with you,” he explained as you nodded your head.

“I know,” you sighed as you reached for his hand to stop him from walking. “I wanted to spend time with you too, but at least we get to hang out after your show right?” you ask, doing your best to be positive.

“Yeah, we do,” he smiles, even if it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I love you Y/N” he tells you as he moves to wrap his arms around your middle. “I know this sucks but we’re going to make this work right?” he asks, and with the way he is looking at you, you can tell he needs this answer and this moment. Perhaps you are truly the one that needs some confirmation and assurance, but you have no problem giving it to him back. He wouldn’t be your Shawn if he didn’t. 

“Of course we will babe. I love you so much Shawn,” you assure him as you move to stand on your tiptoes so you can give him a kiss, one that you didn’t even realize how much you needed.

Before you know it though, it’s time for the show, leaving very little time for the two of you to make up for the lost time. You don’t mind though, because there truly is nothing that you love more than watching your man perform. He rocks that stage, but you can’t help but feel that tinge of jealousy and annoyance, since even with you there in the front row, he is constantly sending obvious glances in Camila’s direction. 

You of course understand, since that was part of the deal and why she was here, but it just sucked since it should have been you getting those sexy little looks and smiles. He did occasionally glance in your direction, and you knew he was trying to make up for it, but it just wasn’t the same. What did make you smile though was Connor as he turned and gave you a little wink. Obviously it wasn’t the same, but at least you didn’t feel so forgotten or invisible.

After the show was done and over with Shawn was whisked away for a few more pictures, but finally you were able to make your way to your shared hotel room with Shawn. Normally everyone went out for drinks and to celebrate after each show, but everyone seemed to understand that you and Shawn needed some alone time. 

“You were amazing babe,” you congratulated him once more as you moved to wrap your arms around his middle as he did the same. 

“I’m sorry if that was weird. That wasn’t exactly how I wanted the first concert with you here to go,” he apologized, and honestly you could tell he meant it and that he was upset by it.

“Don’t worry. I get it,” you tried to assure him, and while it hurt and it sucked, the last thing you wanted to do was make this night about you. When you told Shawn you loved him, you meant it in every single way possible, which for you meant sacrificing at times. You knew that you deserved to be upset, and that you had every right to be, but you weren’t looking to make things miserable just because this wasn’t what you wanted or expected. In the end, it was you getting to spend the night with Shawn, and it was you in his bed. Not Camila, nor did you ever think that would happen. 

“No matter what happens it’s you and me babe,” you further concluded as you moved to press your lips against his one more You didn’t know what this summer had in store for you, or how much it would test your relationship, but when you had said those words to him, in that moment you truly had meant it.

[prorevenge]

Got an asshole fired and helped a co-worker get a job they wanted.

About 20 years ago, I got a job at a warehouse/ delivery place, pulling and delivering windshields. When I started, there were 6 drivers - 1 old white guy who'd been there since humanity existed, 4 young black guys, and me (white female). I mention this only because, unfortunately, it does become important later. There were also 4-5 people in the office running sales/ admin, including the only other female at the company. She'd wanted a delivery job, but had been told "that's not a woman's job" so was stuck in the office. The guy who hired me made a big deal about how he'd stuck his neck out for me, and was getting crap from his buddies for hiring a woman. There was some undertone about equal opportunity, but I've never counted on that and made sure I went above and beyond.

At the time, it was a locally-owned place, and rules were not really standardized about most things. In theory, each driver was supposed to take orders for the next route scheduled, load up the next available truck, and head out. In reality, there was an unofficial pecking order, and each driver had "their" route/s and truck. As the new guy, I got the less-than-great pickup truck with an open-air rack and various problems; most of the other trucks were box trucks (think small moving trucks) so the windshields wouldn't get wet as they were delivered, and the driver could rearrange things inside the truck if the route got switched around for whatever reason. I also got the furthest-away route with the latest delivery times, so I usually got stuck in rush hour on the way back. I know the rules, though, so I shut my mouth, sucked it up, and waited for turnover to make me not-the-new guy and get a better truck/ route.

Surprisingly, turnover didn't happen. There were the usual problems with 2 of the workers not pulling their weight, but... no one ever got fired. The worst offender was, of course, the guy at the top of the unofficial pecking order, we'll call him Mike. Dude was huge - easily a foot taller than me (I'm not short), I'm pretty sure all he did was work and workout, and he constantly bragged about doing steroids to get bigger. He would only take the shortest run with the fewest deliveries and spend the rest of the time talking sh!t with the other drivers or just randomly vanishing. A couple months after I started, I got some big orders for my routes all in a row, and asked for help so I could gather everything, load up, and head out on time. This was not uncommon - there were several machines used for pulling the stock, so if you finished your orders early, you helped others who were behind. Not Mike, though - you'd think I'd asked him to skin a puppy. Got in my face, yelling about how dare I ask him to do anything, I'm just the new guy, get out of here and don't let him see me again, etc., you get the picture. One of the other guys I'd become friends with pulled me away and helped me get loaded up and out the door, but that never really sat right with me. Mike had never been friendly to me, but after that day, he'd go out of his way to be an ass - nothing big, but enough to seriously irritate me and intimidate the other guys to not talk to me when he was around.

A little while later, I mentioned the outburst to the lady in the office, and she told me why nothing would ever be done about Mike or anyone else. Apparently the personnel guy, we'll call him Tony, had gotten fired from his previous job over a complaint about racism. He'd used the phrase "Black Friday" to refer to, well, Black Friday: the day after Thanksgiving, when sales are supposed to get companies back in the black/ financially solvent. Apparently one of his employees claimed he used it as a racist remark, it got taken to court and somehow, Tony was found guilty and fired. Basically, that meant that he couldn't take any actions against a black worker ever again, because he's got a prior judgement against him. The drivers knew that, and Mike (and one other but he's not important here) absolutely used it to do the bare minimum required to stay employed. That didn't sit right with me either, but I was just a driver, and the new guy, so nothing I could do about it.

Until...

A couple months later, the owner did some necessary maintenance around the place, and one of the things done was getting rid of "my" old truck and buying a new-er one that was half-enclosed/ half open-air racks. The owner apparently said it should go to "whoever had driven the old truck" as an apology for not having heat/ ac in the old one, but I'm not super picky. Offered it to the old guy, because seniority, but he turned it down in favor of "his" truck that he was used to and was fully enclosed. I offered it to the two black guys who actually did their jobs and were pretty decent to me (when Mike wasn't around), but same thing - they wanted their own, enclosed trucks. Ok, cool. Newish truck for me! Spent the first day getting used to it, and stayed late off the clock getting it sparkling clean, inside and out. The only thing it lacked was the new car smell, everything else was polished, cleaned, buffed, shined, etc.

Well, apparently, the fact that I didn't bow and scrape to Mike pissed him off even more, and seeing the "new" truck out back all shiny and pristine was too much to handle. He was already out on a run when I came in the next day, so I loaded up and headed out as per usual. Got back about 5 minutes before his second run of the day was supposed to leave and he came storming out before I could even get out of the truck. Screaming profanity, "how dare you take my truck, get tf out of that thing, get your sh!t out, that's my truck, I'm gonna take it 'cause it looks good and I deserves it, you're just a bitch, you don't deserve anything nice, I'm gonna f**k you up," etc etc.

Side note: I don't tolerate bullies at all, and I don't back down easily. I was always the little kid, growing up, and I learned just how far I could push it, mouthing off and calmly standing up to kids bigger than me because "oh, you're so tough? You're gonna pick on a little girl?" As I grew up, I tended to work in "men's jobs," so I was used to taking some sh!t but also drawing a line firmly in the sand and defending it. I am occasionally surprised I haven't gotten decked a time or two, but I've gotten pretty good at reading a situation.

Back to the story: I'm sitting in the newish truck with Mike standing outside the door screaming profanity and threats at me. For all the sh!t that Mike talked, though, I got the feeling he was used to getting his way without actual violence. I calmly opened the door and got out, but left my personal belongings in the truck and locked the door behind me. He was doing his damnedest to intimidate me, getting up in my space, finger in my face, personal threats, etc. I started walking toward the office, which was all the way on the opposite end of the warehouse, and he followed me the whole way, still screaming, threats getting worse and worse, apparently ignorant to the fact that literally every single employee had stopped what they were doing and was watching us. I walked into the office and just stood there for about 4-5 minutes, staring at the owner while Mike just kept going off. He finally realized I wasn't reacting to him and ran out of steam, and you could see the realization of where he was register on his face, but he glanced over at Tony and smirked, probably figuring he was still untouchable.

In the silence that followed, I calmly said to the owner, "You have four black guys working in the warehouse." He nodded. "And you have one woman working out there." He nodded again, and I saw the light come on. Without looking at anyone else, I said, "I do not want to pull the gender card here, but if something is not done about this situation, I will have to take steps to ensure my safety." I grabbed the tickets for my next run, turned around, and walked back to the warehouse to start pulling the orders.

I'm not really sure what happened next, because all the other guys had mysteriously gotten loaded and left on their runs in record time, and I followed not long after. When I got back, Mike was no longer there, and one of the other guys was training the admin lady to be a new driver. Over the next week, I got quiet "thank you"s from her, Tony, and the other drivers who actually did work. The other slacker guy got fired a while later for possession with intent to distribute, I believe. I left about a year later to drive bigger trucks, but by then we had a pretty solid crew of drivers who helped each other out.

TL;DR: I worked as a warehouse/ delivery person with 4 black guys and an HR guy who'd been fired as a racist for using the phrase "Black Friday," so he couldn't take any action without being accused of racism again. One of the black drivers who thought he ruled the place didn't like that I got a newish delivery truck that no one else wanted, screamed and threatened me as I walked into the office so everyone could see; pointed out there were 4 black drivers and one female. Guy was fired.

​

Sorry, that was WAY longer than I thought it'd be when I remembered it. Let me know if anything's unclear or this isn't where it belongs.

(source) story by (/u/Manarelle)

[bqstqnbruin]

if u wanna rant abt the person u h*te go for it !

I’m going to put this under the cut because it’s just a lot but 

to preface this: it takes a lot for me to genuinely hate a person. Like there are people that I dislike, but that’s different from me hating them, ya know? I HATE this girl.

So y’all know I was a chemistry major in undergrad, right? I did organic chemistry research the summer after my sophomore year until I graduated. There were four of us: myself, the other girl in my year who was also new to the lab that summer, then two girls who were going into their senior year, one that I liked, one that I didn’t. The one I didn’t like was technically ‘in charge’ because she had been there the longest, she was a year ahead of me (she was class of 2019, I was class of 2020). Let’s call her Jane, because there are a lot of people in this story. 

This girl is really smart. Like brilliant. 4.0 as a chemistry major with a physics and math minor, is currently getting her PhD at Harvard in Physical Chemistry. 

She is the kind of girl who would get the highest grades in the class, ruin the curve type of student. And that’s fine, if you’re smart, you’re smart, get those grades. She would make sure everyone knew that she got the highest grades and make snarky little comments about how “well if you just tried harder then you could get these grades too!” like bitch ??? science is hard calm down ! we know you’re smart ! If you got a higher grade than her, she would make you feel bad about it in a ‘well how did you get a better grade than me’ kind of way. 

So I already didn’t like her going into the summer. 

The night before, my friend and I who were new to the research group get a text from one of our friends saying “Hey, just so you know, Jane was bragging to us yesterday that she was planning on hazing you guys. It shouldn’t be anything actually dangerour, but please be careful.” Keep in mind: hazing is against university policy. In the student handbook, it says that anyone who is caught hazing other students will be removed from the university. 

First day in lab, my research partner and I were there, and she starts telling us to do all this stupid shit, like saying we have to weigh everything out on the scale three times to make sure that it’s accurate, giving us random goggles to wear when we used certain equipment, telling us to yell “fire in the hole” when we used the dry ice tank, that sort of shit. Jane was bragging about it to a professor and he literally had to tell her “if I hear Christina and her partner say anything else about what you’re doing, I’m reporting you to the university president” as if her basically telling him she was hazing us wasn’t enough, but whatever. 

In our lab, we use a lot of glassware. For whatever reason, we call them our “dishes.” Not sure why, that’s just the way it’s always been. It somehow fell on me to do all the dishes, to the point where I would have to come to the lab an hour earlier than everyone else and leave an hour later than everyone else just to get everything done. Our lab was joined with another lab (there was a doorway connecting the two), so we spent a lot of time with that other lab group, and the sink was right by the door that connected them. We were all in the back talking to each other, I’m standing there doing all the dishes, and Jane is complaining about how she hasn’t been able to do anything. So my friend, the one who had texted us saying Jane was going to haze us, was like “Well, why?” Jane turns to me and goes “my minion isn’t washing my dishes fast enough for me.” I was shocked and didn’t know what to say because, like, what the fuck? My friend goes “Maybe wash your own dishes instead of making Christina do them when she has her own shit to do.” 

I still ended up doing all the dishes. At one point, she threw a dish into the sink when I was standing in front of it doing dishes, and it shattered in the sink. Shards easily could have cut me had I been standing a little bit to the left. 

Her 21st birthday was during the summer. Lab tradition is that anyone who has a summer birthday gets like a little celebration: we decorate the lab, we make them a cake, that sort of stuff. So we did. We went all out, because that’s what the lab did for everyone, and that was a tradition we did even after she left. She brought in a bottle of vodka to the lab (I think her boyfriend had picked it up for her and brought it to the science center). We’re a wet campus, so having alcohol isn’t a problem as long as you’re of age. We were all in the back room of the lab, and she passes out cups to everyone, and I tell her, “Oh, I really don’t drink, I don’t want one,” and apparently that meant nothing to her because she kept yelling at me to take the shot of vodka until I did, which, considering I was 19 at the time, definitely wasn’t legal. If the professor of the lab we were in had walked in 2 seconds earlier, I wouldn’t ahve had to drink it. 

So that’s not even all of it. This shit continued into the school year. We were all in the chemistry club (because we’re NERDS). She was one of the presidents with the other girl from our research group in her year, the one that I liked, while I was treasurer and our other friend was secretary. At the begining of the year, she sends me an email outlining the potential fundraisers that we wanted to do, and asked me for my thoughts. The included things like having nights at the local restaurants where they give us a cut of the profits, selling custom stickers that we bought, bake sales, that stuff. She told me, “send me your thoughts.” 

One of her ideas was making and selling liquid nitrogen ice cream. Outside. In November. In Philly, it doesn’t get horribly cold in November, but it gets cold enough that selling liquid nitrogen ice cream outside isn’t the best idea. I had suggested “we can do another bake sale, or other clubs are decorating flatware beakers and selling them like that, we could do that instead. And then we could do the ice cream fundraiser during the sping because it will be warmer and more people will want it.” Everything else, I told her, sure, I like those ideas, this is how I can make them work, this is what I already have going through with the restaurant stuff.

She texts the other president throwing an absolute fit that I turned down the ONE fundraiser for November, telling her “she needs to step up and do better” and that “I’m telling her that this is what we’re doing and she has to do them or we’re removing her from her position.” My friend literally told her, “No, Christina said she would do everything but the one fundraiser and I agree with her.” One of the professors had to get involved because they found my crying in the lab over this, so that was fun. 

I had mentioned the dishes before, but that part of the saga continues. I was the only one doing the dishes still. the girl I liked did hers all the time and tried to pick up the slack, the girl in my year wasn’t doing research during the semester and wasn’t technically allowed in the lab because of legal safety reasons. Jane was still using glassware and not cleaning it. Our research advisor tells us “the health and safety inspector came by the lab and saw all the dishes in the sink. If they aren’t clean by whatever date he comes back, we’re going to get in trouble.” So ok. We have three group chats for the lab: one with the four of us and our advisor, one with the four of us, and one without Jane. Both the one with and the one without Jane were going. In one of them, someone said “we need to figure out a schedule of who can go in when so we can get these dishes done.” I said “I’ve been doing them, but no matter what I do, more and more end up in the sink and I can’t keep up. Maybe if her highness did her own dishes instead of expecting me to do them all, this would get done faster and it wouldn’t be a problem.” I thought I was texting the one without Jane. I wasn’t.

She responds back “Um, haha, wrong group chat” I go, “oh well, do your dishes.” So she knew I didn’t like her, and she definitely didn’t like me. It was pretty obvious before, but now it was pretty much confirmed. 

We had a few research presentations together as a group. Keep in mind, she didn’t much over the summer in terms of research, and what she did do, never worked. Which is fine, that’s how science goes sometimes. She spent more time in the lab working on her applications for various shit. She took our research and presented it at so many different conferences. Granted, we didn’t do much, either, since we only had two months of work which isn’t a lot of time, but she left our names off the posters and really didn’t give us any credit. She said it was because ACS rules stated that the only people who need to go on the research poster were those presenting that actual poster. I went alone to a conference in Florida in 2019, and I had to have her name on the poster for some reason, though. 

That’s pretty much the end of what she did to me, but there was so much other shit that she did to other people, too. I mentioned her intelligence. Her boyfriend LEFT HIS MASTERS PROGRAM TO MOVE WITH HER TO CAMBRIDGE. HE LEFT IT. I’m still mad about that. He deserves better.

Before she had decided to go to Harvard, she had the audacity to tell me that she didn’t want to go to Boston because it was more dangerous than Philly (statisically, it really isn’t). 

She had a restraining order on a guy who was a year behind me because he “assaulted her.” I know both of them fairly well. What had happened, according to him and other students, was that he was getting up from his desk, and the way he swung his backpack to put it on, it ended up hitting her by accident. It was not intentional. The rows of desks are close together, and she was standing close to him. He did not do it on purpose. This guy was also not well liked by people, and something tells me they wouldn't defend him if he actually did it on purpose.

For graduation, you know how people wear cords and medals to represent their activities and accomplishments? She was jealous that the girl in our lab group had more chords than her, so she went and bought more for herself.  

What’s frustrating is that because she was so smart and had so many grants and got the school a decent amount of attention, whenever we said anything or talked about it, nothing happened. The professors knew her and I hated each other, but they didn’t seem to believe why. Whatever. 

I think that’s it. I hope she fails in life, honestly. I do not like her at all. 

Sorry that was a lot, but thank you for letting me rant about this oaidjfaoi

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

The Intern (CliffxReader Pt. 2)

Pt. 1 :)

Requested by @perawuat​

@tealaquinn​

Let me know if you wanna be added to either the basterds or OUATIH taglist :)

You grinned widely as you reached for your diploma. You looked out into the crowd, your radiant smile reminiscent of a sunflower as you looked to the cameras and did a peace sign with your left hand as you raised your diploma with your right.

You finally graduated.

You had a big job in a hotshot Hollywood production to show for all your hard work.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...

You looked out at the crowd, spotting dozens of familiar faces.

You found your family among the sea of pride.

And by them, two empty seats.

Rick and Cliff couldn't make it. They were in Italy...

You sighed softly. It as a bittersweet moment. They were doing the best they could, you couldn’t be mad at them.

The next few days your family kept you fairly busy. They’d flown in from out of state. You didn’t mind the company. Especially since the summer felt a little empty without Rick and Cliff to deal with.

But as the summer wound down, so did your work.

You moved out of your old apartment, leaving Ziggy, Rowan, and Odie...

You moved into a high-rise apartment in west Hollywood.

It was your first time ever living completely alone. You had a place all to yourself, no brothers barging in or bathroom hogging sisters. No roomates.

And still...

....no Cliff and Rick...

Nothing....

You sighed, and muttered a despondent, “Groovy...” As you looked up at your new building.

You took a breath, and took the elevator to the fifteenth floor, and walked down the long hall to your apartment.

You stopped, seeing a bouquet of red roses at the doorstep. You wondered if it was from the apartments landlady... She seemed like an old fashioned person.

You picked up a card that came with it, expecting it to be complimentary.

But...you knew that writing.

You smiled a little, and sighed a little more cheerfully, "oh Cliff..."

You sighed, flopping onto the second hand couch from a garage sale that you’d hastily strewn in the middle of the empty living room.

Your living room.

You read the card.

Cliff apologized for missing your graduation and not being there to help with the boxes. He also added a million little things to make you blush.

You held the letter against your chest as you presided over the rows of brown boxes scattered around the room.

You smiled a little as you looked through the first box. The first thing you picked out was a framed picture of you and Cliff.

You smiled, knowing you'd finally made a life of your own, and that he was part of it.

And you knew you really had it together a few months later, when you were invited to a party. A big Hollywood party.

The movie you'd worked on had been nominated for a few Academy Awards, including for best cinematography...which you'd had a big hand in.

You met a few big names at the party, and a few familiar faces. The night was young, and you danced there with the stars and the writers that gave Hollywood it's lights. After a while you stepped aside to grab a drink. You looked at the scene, your new friends, and future.

Rick had been rigth all along... You were going to make it big.

As you took a sip of your drink, you overheard something behind a nearby table.

There were a few older and frankly snobby producers talking, and avoiding the younger crowd. They'd been talking about some projects they had been looking into.

The name Rick Dalton came up, and you raised your eyebrow in curiosity.

"Rick Dalton is an old, washed up chain smoking alcoholic has-been who's still waiting to happen!" The group of producers broke out laughing as he went on, "Won't be long till he drinks himself into a grave!"

Your blood boiled...

You'd been trying to get Rick to get help. You'd been making progress, until he had to go to Italy.

The producer went on, "Or worse. Lets himself go, gets a beer belly, and lets those pothead hippies melt his brain! And that pal of his, Cliff Boot."

One of the other producers corrected him. "Booth."

He nodded, "Booth. Killed his woman, didn't he? What's he still doing on sets? Bad luck. Don't want Dalton or that scumbag anywhere near me."

Another man stood between you and the circle of snobs. He smiled, "Say, aren't you that talented young lady what worked on that western?"

You nodded, "Yes, sir."

He smiled, "Say, O'Mara, this is the young lady that worked on Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!"

The producer that had been ripping on Rick and Cliff turned around, with a wide, yellow, broken grin, reached his hand out to shake yours, but you stepped away in disgust, maybe hurting your relatively young and vulnerable career. 

But to you  it was worth every second seeing those snob's blood boiling.

"Don't get too cocky, O'Mara. You wrote Rick Dalton's first check, and then ripped him off when he got too big for you. Of course he's having a rough time, you all turned your backs on someone that made every single one of you a pretty goddamn penny, while he and Cliff are scratching and barely surviving. You should all be ashamed of yourselves, listening to that fucking rumor like a bunch of teenagers listening to Paul Anka. The man's a war hero, for crying out loud, and you're a fucking draft dodger. So no. Don't ask me to shake the hand of a man who turned his back on people he owes everything to."

Before things escalated, the man that had attemtped to introduce you to the producers stepped in, spoke fast, made them laugh, and ordererd drinks all around.

As the producers picked up gossip about other 'has beens,' the mystery man took you aside, "I like your work, and I like your spunk, you're a good kid."

You smiled a little, and he went on, "How about I let you in on a little secret, kid? All those old boys back there? Tearing apart actors because they’re jealous. And when they’re not with each other, they tear each other apart, because they all want this." He raised up a briefcase.

"What's that?" You laughed a little, seeing the quirky, odd character gripping the case as if it were worth the world..

He smiled, "Well, kid, this here's the next big thing in Hollywood what's gon' get somebody an Oscar, or an Academy Award round this time next year."

"So you're a writer?"

He nodded with glee, "Writer, director, as of now sole producer. But I still need my crew, and my stars. And kid, I seen the wonders you've done down at NBC and for that picture. So, once I get this show on the road, are you willing to get in on it?"

You could not have felt happier, "Absolutely!"

He smiled, "Well then, I need some stars, don't I? How about I talk to your friends about this, huh?"

"M-my friends?"

He nodded, "Mr. Dalton, and his stuntman, I hear they're a damn good team!"

You nodded, proud that some people still knew them as what they were, "That's right, sir."

He smiled, "I pictured Rick in this role. It's not exactly his regular western character, but, it's new, its fresh! It'll give him a new face, a new chance! I see him as...." He grinned, looking into the distance as he waved his hands, as if the name was appearing in front of you on a screen, "Hudson Murdock! International spy!" He sighed in satisfaction, "We’ll knock Bond out  of the water! And probably knock that guy, Cliff into the water!"

You both chuckled, and he asked, "Think they'll be interested?"

"I think so, sir."

He smiled, "Please, kid, call me Rudy!" He handed you a business card, and then a pen and a paper so you could write your number, Rick, and Cliff's down for him.

He took the paper after you were done, and hid it away safely with the script he guarded with his life, "Be in touch soon, will ya kid? They'll be home from Italy, soon I'll bet."

You nodded, "Yes, sir."

He titled his head, "Come on, kid."

You sighed and smiled a little, "Rudy."

He smiled, "Alright, that's better, kid." He gestured to the growing crowd of young party goers, "Go on, have fun before the real work starts!"

Despite the rocky moments with producers, and the inevitable burning of a bridge or two, you couldn't get over the fact that you'd just gotten Rick and Cliff a new big shot in Hollywood...

Still, the adrenaline and fun started to wash down the more the night went on. By the time you were home that night, you were a little more than just uneasy.

Cliff was supposed to call you and let you know he'd made it home safe with Rick.

You were sure they wre going to get blind drunk together, 'one last time,' thinking it was the end of the line...

Of course, they didnt' know about your development...and you'd let them have their fun for the night.

You could wait a million years for Cliff.

Or...you thought...

It just wasn't like him

Even in Italy, he called you every single night. Now that he was home, there was no excuse.

You spent the next half hours or so debating and reasoning with yourself....

Maybe they knocked out because of jet lag? Maybe they were drunk because they drank on the plane? Maybe the phones weren't working? Maybe he went straight to get Brandy? Maybe he wasn on his way to yours?

The possibilities were endless....

Still, there was that constant, nagging, feeling wringing your heart...

Ringing...

The phone was rining.

On the third ring, you picked up.

It was Rick.

You glanced up at the clock.

12:55 AM...

Your eyes went wide as Rick quickly and calmly tried to explain every thing that happened in the last half hour without giving you a panic attack.

12:56 AM...

"HE WHAT?!"

Rick replied, "H-he's o-k, don't w-worry! He-"

"He got stabbed! And-"

"He-He'll be ok, Y/n, everything's fine!"

"And you? Are you ok?!"

He chuckled a little out of tension, but mostly because he just missed hearing from a friend like you, "I'm uh...I'm actually at the neighbor's right now. Everything's ok, Y/n, don’t worry."

"The Polanski's?" You felt a little ease in your shoulders, knowing Rick finally got what he'd been wishing for for months.

"Yeah..." You could practically hear the smile, "But I'll meet you and Cliff bright and early tomorrow. We're ok, honey, don't worry. Get some sleep, he's ok."

"Ok..."

Rick sighed, knowing you better than you gave him credit for, "Oh, and Y/n?"

"Yeah, Rick?" You held the phone between your shoulder and your cheek as you reached between the couch cushions for your car keys.

Rick chuckled, "Drive safe."

You smiled a little and shook your head once.

You practically raced to the hospital, giving Cliff and every other stunt  double in Hollywood a run for their moeny.

Your heart skipped a beat, stopped, and broke al at once when you saw Cliff again... After six months...t felt like a lifetime,

And it felt like even longer seeing him like that.

You knew he was going to be alright. Rick told you so. The doctors told you. The nurses told you...

But you didn't believe it until you saw him for yourself.

"Cliff..."

He looked up at you, clearly tired. Of course, the acid, the fight, the stabbing, and the morphine were behind that. Still, he shifted trying to get up to get to you.

"No, no, stay down, it's ok..." You sat by him, rested your hands in his and smiled softly.

To him you were nothing less than an angel...

Especially with the drugs (legal and illegal) and the bright white hospital lights behind you. "Y/n....you...you came? Told Rick to tell ya to get some sleep I-"

"That's crazy talk."

He took your hand and pulled it up slowly to his lips, and kissed your hand softly. He looked up with soft eyes, "I'm sorry, baby...I should've gone home, should've gone to see ya..."

You shook your head, "If you had, there's no telling what would've happened...Best not to think of that, not now."

"I'm sorry I missed it."

You shook your head, and rested your hadn against hisncheek, "Best is yet to come, Cliff." You smiled cheekily.... you'd tell him about the party the next day.

Until then... You gave him  a kiss, and said, "Get some rest, Cliff."

"Only if you do, baby..."

You nodded, "I will, I will."

He chuckled a little, through the meds and drugs, and mumbled and hummed "Dream a little dream of me..." as he fell asleep, holding onto you desparately.

Somewhere deep in his mind, he was scared you were a hallucination...He wanted to hold you enar and dear. He wished Italy and that night never happened. He wanted nothing more than to be by your side.

When you woke  up, it was nearly noon, and the sunlight was streaming through the blinds. You'd fallen asleep on the chair by Cliff's bed, with your head against his chest. His arm was around you still. And you could hear the warm hum of his voice through his chest as you woke up slowly.

You could hear Rick too.

"Goddamn, Y/n and Francesca are gonna get along, they sleep like logs."

You smiled a little as you stood up to hug Rick.

He smiled at you, and shook his head, "You wanna tell me how the hell you managed to save me and Cliff's careers in one night?"

You shrugged, and playfully "Hey, when you got it, you got it."

Cliff guffawed, but then immediately held his wound, "Shit, Y/n, you oughta be the one carryin' Rick's load then!"

You rolled you reyes with a cheaky smile and sighed, "Anyone would've done the same."

Rick sighed, "Oh, honey, you don't know Hollywood just yet."

Cliff said, "What we're tryna say baby is thank you."

"Ah, it's nothing." "You got us some work!" Cliff looked at Rick, and they were both relieved, knowing it wasn't quite the end of the line. "We knew you'd make it far..." Rick saw the way Cliff smiled and looked at you. It was all clearer now that Cliff wasn't wearing sunglasses. Rick smirked a little, as he chuckled, "I'll go ahead an' leave you two alone for a while." You covered your face as your rubbed your eyes, "Oh, come on Rick!" Cliff chuckled, "I wIsH!" You looked to Cliff, "Cliff!" He laughed a little as he reached out for you. You heard Rick closing the door as he left. You sat by Cliff again, and he kissed you. "Told you everything would be ok, kid." "Yeah?" "Yeah..." He nodded. "Rick was right. You made it. You're not just an intern anymore...and me and Rick are gonna be ok, and you n me are more than ok." You smirked a little, looking down a tthe ground for a moment, then back at Cliff, "Yeah, we are..." He rested his hands on the sides of your face, his thumbs pressed against your cheek. It wasn't something he did often, but you weren't complaining. Because in that moment, everything mattered. The past six months had been hell, and the past night was a nightmarish trip. His blue eyes were wide open then. Everything realy was ok... And you could see that in his eyes: The hope and love the 'washed up' stuntman hadn't felt in a decade or two. And he owed it all to you, the intern.

[crimsonblackrose]

Around the end of November Nathalie hosted her last Thanksgiving dinner. Since that usually means a full house and it coincided with another friend’s birthday I decided to stay in Seoul again. While trying to figure out where to eat Friday night I saw that on Kakao map there was a BTS symbol and looked it up. Turns out I was down the street from the House of BTS pop up shop and figured I’d give it a try.

BTS or 방탄소년단 is a Korean pop band that’s been performing since 2013 and has reached international fame. They’re well known across the globe. At my old school my students would come running into my classroom as soon as they could because I’d let them pick things to watch on Youtube before class started. I saw whatever the newest BTS music video was along with many many dance practice videos. I didn’t always hear them particularly well over the screams and fan chants my students did while dancing along. Because my students were obsessed I didn’t feel comfortable jumping down the same rabbit hole, and instead just casually enjoyed their music when the kids requested it or someone played it, and watched their American talk show interviews so I could share them with my students if it was appropriate.

But a couple of my friends are Army. (The term for the fans.) I figured since I was in Seoul during the House of BTS pop-up and the holidays were coming up as well as some milestone birthdays and because I’m a curious blogger, I headed over after having dinner and doing some errands. The group chat for Nathalie’s Thanksgiving festivities had suddenly sparked into how dressed up everyone was going to be and I didn’t have anything dressy packed. Gangnam has a pretty nice selection of stores including an underground market so I planned to search till I found something. I ended up finding a sweater I liked pretty quickly.  (Okay, I also went to a couple bookstores, yes I have a problem. But I only bought one book, and it was the one book I was looking for so I think it’s okay. It’s on the TBR bookcase.)

So essentially for a pop up open from 10am until 10pm I figured showing up around 8:30pm on a Friday night would be okay. I was wrong. Apparently they cut the line off between 6pm and 8pm depending on the day. So the whole thing was over, except for the few people still outside waiting in line at 8:30pm. So I hiked back down the hill and to my hotel, trying to figure out when a good time to try again would be. Turns out that was Sunday morning.

My original plan was to show up and queue at 9am. I figured if I was at least an hour early then I’d hopefully get in before noon. But my first night at the hotel I barely slept, and the second night I got back very late from Nathalie’s Thanksgiving party. I was the first one to leave the party but after a full day of birthday shenanigans on no sleep and then a very drunken Thanksgiving party where I was the only one sober meant it was time to go straight to bed. I didn’t want to have to get up early and wait in the cold on so little sleep so I set an alarm for 9:30.

Gotta get through my TBR, which means reading in the rain while in line.

I got up before my alarm, ate breakfast at the hotel and packed up all my stuff and left it at the front desk after check out. Then after taking one step outside and realizing it was pouring rain I immediately turned around and went back to the front desk to ask for my stuff again. Thankfully I had packed an umbrella, it was just at the bottom of my bag. Then I hiked back towards the pop up shop. On the way I noticed a long line spilling down the main road and felt a bit of panic. The pop up was halfway up the hill and if it was down the street already it was going to be an awful morning. Nope, turns out people were queued up for something else. But that didn’t mean I was let off easily. The line ended up being up the hill and around the corner. But it moved fairly fast because it wasn’t a line to get in per-say but actually a line to get a time to actually get into line. That line was about an hour and a half. It was like the Stranger Things Pop up where you only needed on person in line who’d type in their Korean phone number into a tablet and explain how many people were in their group and then go do something else until it was time to get back in line. It all worked through KakaoTalk. So if you plan to do any pop ups in Korea, having a Korean number (or a number that works in Korea) hooked up to KakaoTalk is a must.

Waiting in line #2, the line I got in for my timed entrance

I think it’s really a clever way to go about events with long lines. It keeps you from wasting your entire day in line. So after I got my number I was told to come back around 1. I went to a cafe nearby, got myself a peppermint tea and waited. Then went to lunch and towards the end of my meal my phone got a Kakao message saying to come back to the line. Thankfully I was only a block away so I hurried back up the hill to where I’d gotten my ticket and then got in the new line. In this line I had to show them my time/number receipt and keep it handy to show the staff at several different points before someone collected it at the entrance to the final line.

Line #3 outside the pop up (final line)

I was given a map of the pop up shop and a list of things they had for sale. I also got a very tiny pink pencil that said “House of BTS” and a pink snap bracelet that said the same. Then I waited in the rain with a bunch of other people until we were escorted down the hill to the main line in rows of two like school children. At which point we were in the real line. Despite the rain I tried to figure out the layout of the pop up and what I wanted to do.

Entrance to the pop up with the muffled sound of BTS music

There were 3 floors and a basement. We all started in the basement and when finished with the entire experience could exit via the first floor. The basement was only accessible for as long as we were in it. Once we left the basement we couldn’t return to it. It was also the merchandise display room. All the things they were selling for the day were on display with a giant wall of different music videos playing.

The map we were given was also a catalog and depending on what you wanted you marked the correct item and number. I wandered around looking at things trying to figure out good gifts and taking pictures. Eventually I picked a display case and using my tiny pink pencil marked the things I planned to buy and headed to the counter. At the counter a staffer in pink went over my order with me and told me the things on my list they were sold out of. I didn’t want to re-configure my list so I just got the things on it that they did have.

I was given a buzzer, the kind they have at restaurants, and went upstairs.

That panic when one of your buzzers goes off and you get in line and then the other buzzer goes off while you’re in the pick up line for the first buzzer. Help.

The first floor was item pick up, stamps for the House of BTS bingo, and the cafe. I thought with all the people there that it might take awhile for my stuff to come out so I popped over to the cafe to place an order. I was determined to play Bingo and get all the stamps. I love stamp relays and assumed it was something similar. It included making purchases as half the options. They had a couple of BTS themed drinks and thankfully included on the menu what was in them.

I went for Fake Love, a blackberry apple juice with a slice of dried apple. I paid, got another buzzer and then my first buzzer went off. So I turned around and got in the line for item pick up. While in line for item pick up my other buzzer went off that my drink was ready. I waved to the cafe lady an apology and she warned the guy who set my drink out that I was in line. It took a couple versions of pantomiming to get that, but eventually I got my gifts and was free from the line, just in time for the buzzer to go off again. I hurried around to the pick up part of the cafe while the new barista was looking around the crowd to find the owner of my poor lonely Fake Love drink. It was a mess. I had misread the first buzzer and thought it said that once I picked up my shopping that I had to leave. So I had assumed I needed to rush around and do everything I wanted before picking up my shopping. I also assumed with all the people there who were also presumably doing a lot more shopping then me, that it’d take a while. But after talking with the staff I was reassured there was no rush. I just couldn’t go downstairs and do more shopping. So I picked up my drink, took pictures and enjoyed.

There weren’t any seats, so I stood at a table sipping my drink. It was refreshing after being in line for so long, it was well after 2pm, and I really enjoyed the apple slice that I fished out. With shopping procured and a drink had, I headed to the stamp spot.

There was a chance for different prizes based on the amount of bingo’s you got. In order to secure bingo’s I had to show my receipts and follow the BTS merchandise twitter, which I had done while waiting in line to get in. For each thing of merch you buy you got one stamp. Since my list had gotten shrunken by things being sold out I had a grand total of three things. Which got me three stamps. My drink got me another as did following the twitter account, and lastly being there got me my bingo. Sadly being there or “attendance” was the other biggest part of the bingo card and you could only get one per day. There was no way I’d be able to come back another day to get anything beyond one bingo. They also made it so you couldn’t share the bingo card by writing your full name as shown on your passport or ID (In my case A.R.C: Alien Registration Card) and your date of birth on the card. Because I would’ve gifted it to someone else more determined then myself. But I did win a postcard.

After collecting my postcard I went up to the second floor which was a spot for photos. They had cartoon chibi versions of the members of the band, with the bases signed for people to pose and take pictures with. There was also a bus stop with writing all over it that people were trying to get pictures with on their own but the crowding kept drawing the staff over to tell people they couldn’t do that. There was also some colorful streamers and a spot to take a picture that was suppose to go with their music video “Idol”. Actually most sections were meant to go with specific music videos, since they were playing each specific song on loop somewhere near each section. It was really interesting and definitely a fun space for taking pictures, just a bit too crowded to do it easily.

Then I got in line for the third floor. The line was very long, spilling down the stairs, and it moved very slowly up. For me, it was a huge waste of my time. The line slowly curled around one room with some merch and a full cardboard cut out of the band sitting down. The idea was it was for a cute photo with the band, but there was no way to easily leave or figure out what the line was for until you were next to go into the room. Meaning, I’m pretty sure, I was the fastest moving person for that room. I took a couple pictures while the girls in front of me took pictures, then I took one more picture, then left.

And that was it. That was the entirety of the House of BTS. As a more casual listener of BTS it wasn’t as exciting. Getting some Christmas/birthday shopping done is exciting, but the amount of time I waited to essentially go shopping was…questionable. The rest of it is an intagramable space but without the ability to allow you to enjoy it as an intagramable space. It was a bit too crowded. Though with BTS’s popularity that shouldn’t be surprising and I should probably be grateful I managed to get in and through as quickly as I did.

I am however a sucker for a good bingo/stamp relay, but because there weren’t actual missions or places or events for me to get stamps and the only way to get them was to come back which meant I was ultimately disappointed.

A pop up generally means something that is short lived and that closes after a couple weeks or a month. However I’m not sure if that’s the case with the BTS pop up since it also seems to function as a BTS merch store where the items and some of the designs rotate out.  If you’re planning to be in Korea and are curious if it’s happening I suggest checking out the twitter they had me follow.  It’s mostly in Korean but will link to the proper Facebook posts which tend to have English translations and more details. Apparently it was only suppose to be up for a short period of time and closed in January, but check that twitter to see if it’s still up, or has reopened. There are also ones suppose to be opening in other countries.

The House of BTS Around the end of November Nathalie hosted her last Thanksgiving dinner. Since that usually means a full house and it coincided with another friend's birthday I decided to stay in Seoul again.

[putschki1969]

VOICE Tour Live Report Part 2

Hi everyone!

It’s been 84 years...Okay, here is part two of my report. The ACTUAL report so to speak. Just in time for the tour final. I am expecting some news articles to be posted soon. I hope we will get some nice pictures of the Tokyo live. Anyways, sorry to have kept you waiting. Things have been crazy in Japan. There was a lot of stuff that didn’t go according to plan and I never got the chance to write the rest of my report while I was in Japan. And now that I have been back, I have been pretty busy with work >_< Unfortunately, writing reports like this takes A LOT of time because I try to do it as detailed as possible, I wanna do Wakana’s live justice after all. Oh well, I should stop rambling and start with the actual report. Before I focus on the songs I would like to share a few general thoughts.

Seating/audience: As most of you probably know, I attended both the Tokyo as well as the Fukuoka concert of Wakana’s tour. I had amazing seats for both lives. In Tokyo I was seated in the second row and in Fukuoka I had a first-row seat. Both were located right at the center so Wakana was literally in front of me. BANZAI!! The Fukuoka stage wasn’t very high and there was only about 1 ½ metres between the stage and the first row so basically I could have reached out and touched Wakana (not that I would ever do that but you get what I mean XD). It’s the closest I have ever been to her during a concert. I was able to see every micro expression on her face, I looked into her eyes, I waved at her, it felt so good to be noticed. On a more or less related note I wanna add that I felt kinda bad for Wakana because for the Fukuoka live the hall was pretty empty, I think the audience only filled about half of it (if not less - for reference, the main hall has a capacity for about 1,000 people, I think we weren’t even 500 people in the audience). I hear it was the same for her other venues (except the Tokyo live which was quite well visited but even there the upper floor was empty). Lining up for the goods was also completely different. Merchandise sale started very late, about 1 ½ hours before the live and there were hardly any people lining up. It’s really sad to see Wakana getting so little support for her solo activities. I guess lots of YK and Kalafina fans aren’t really interested to follow her. Right now Wakana’s management is making the mistake of still thinking in Kalafina dimensions. Wakana as a solo artist simply can’t fill out halls like Kalafina. Maybe at some point in her career she will be able to but I feel she will have to do a lot of tie-ins to achieve that sort of popularity. Right now it would be smarter to go for slightly smaller (and more classical) venues I think...This way the halls would fill up quickly and it would probably reduce the ticket prices (which in turn would make more people willing to purchase them). I hope for the next tour they will consider making some changes. Wakana deserves to perform at sold out lives.

Band style: Speaking of “more classical” venues, I feel like Wakana would also benefit from a more “classical style/acoustic arrangement”. The band style is a bit overwhelming at times, there were a few songs that would have sounded SO MUCH better with a less band-heavy arrangement, at least in my opinion. In particular the drums and bass guitar felt a little overbearing during some parts of the performance (“Yakusoku no Yoake” and “Toki wo Koeru Yoru ni” immediately come to mind - the bass was bordering on obnoxious during “Toki wo Koeru Yoru ni” and the drums kinda almost ruined the mystical/translucent atmosphere of “Yakusoku no Yoake”). Don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming the musicians, I think they all did well. The guitarist was particularly dedicated, he switched between e-guitar and acoustic guitar throughout the entire concert, even during songs. There was a staff member that constantly had to run back and forth, I felt kinda bad for him. At any rate, all the musicians were really into it and they were obviously having lots of fun. Unfortunately, most of Wakana’s songs simply aren’t suited to be played by a “standard” band.

Vocals: Wakana’s vocals were great during both concerts. As far as I can tell she hit all of her notes, to me she sounded particularly beautiful in Jidai, Boku no Kokoro no Tokei, Hikari Furu and Ai no Hana. At no point did she seem exhausted, I didn’t notice her getting out of breath and she barely even sweated. Due to the nature of most songs, she didn’t move a lot so she was able to focus fully on her singing. I did notice however that her voice got occasionally drowned by the band. Once in a while she would sing her lines really quietly, not sure why though. Maybe she lacked confidence or she forgot the lyrics. Perhaps she purposefully used a quiet voice and didn’t take into account that the background music and band would be so loud. That’s just a minor complaint though and didn’t really take away from the overall experience.

Production: The stage set up was very simple which I didn’t mind. The decoration consisted of these metal thingies hanging from the ceiling (as seen on the report pictures). The atmosphere was mostly created via the lighting. There was a screen in the back but it was barely used. To be honest, I only really noticed it during “Kaze ni Naritai”. I am sure it was used during other songs but for the life of me, I can’t remember. There was no choreography or anything. Wakana just did what she felt like doing. Some swaying here, some arm gesture there. A bit of walking across the stage during the more up-beat songs. The outfits were obviously chosen by Wakana herself. You could tell she felt very comfortable in them. She also opted for flat sandals. It’s details like that which made the lives feel very real and intimate.

MCs: Wakana was quite nervous during her MCs (especially at her Tokyo live which was filmed). At times she was a bit awkward and didn’t really know what to say. She even admitted to feel a little uncomfortable since this is the first time in her solo career to have so many cameras around. She definitely talked a lot more at the Tokyo live but I am not sure if all of that is gonna make it onto the DVD/BD (I hope so though!). During her Fukuoka live she was far more relaxed and towards the end you could tell that she didn’t mind the MCs at all. She was able to talk freely at that point.  Either way, at both lives she managed to work her way through the MCs. The audience was very supportive and found her little awkwardness quite precious. I mean, how could you not find her cute?

Tokyo or Fukuoka? Overall, I thought the Fukuoka live was much better than the concert in Tokyo. Wakana was more relaxed and I guess she didn’t feel as pressured since there were no cameras. She cried at the end when she said her final goodbye. It was so sweet. Also, the acoustics were a lot better at the Fukuoka Convention Center, at least it sounded that way for me. The band wasn’t so loud and Wakana’s microphone was quite well-balanced which really cannot be said for the Tokyo live (but as I mentioned in my previous post, I think it will be easy to fix with a bit of studio magic, the video release should sound fine).

Okay, now let’s finally get to the songs...

01.約束の夜明け | Yakusoku no Yoake Wakana came on stage wearing the orange/salmon-coloured dress and flat white Roman-style sandals. The lights weren’t doing her arms any favours to be honest but aside from that she looked gorgeous. The colour of the dress really accentuated her skin tone. Her hair was made up in an elaborate ponytail with lots of braids. For this song there was some sort of see-through screen similar to the one used for Koibito no Mukashigatari no Yūgure no during Kalafina’s FOTW tour. The song started with a short intro/overture that sounded very epic. I think they should have added that part to the studio version (since that one starts rather abruptly). As mentioned in my quick overall review, everything was quite loud during this song (more so during the Tokyo live than the one in Fukuoka). I didn’t really like how the band sounded, to me it felt rather overwhelming. I think something different is needed for an almost ethereal song like that. Maybe some strings or a flute...Sometimes a little less is more. On top of that, Wakana’s singing was quite loud to compensate the sound of the instruments so that didn’t exactly make it better. Wakana did a little “oohhhh-ing” for the rather long instrumental section that starts around 2:40 minutes. It’s also noticeable in the studio version if you listen closely but it’s barely there. For the live version Wakana is doing some proper “ooohh-ing”, it sounded really nice. I expected to REALLY love this song since it’s among my album faves but unfortunately the loudness and arrangement made it very hard for me to fully appreciate the performance. It wasn’t bad or anything but I also wasn’t blown away. I guess you could say it was a little underwhelming...

02.流れ星 | Nagareboshi A straightforward performance. Sounded pretty much exactly like the studio version. For me this song is ranked pretty low as far as the album tracks are concerned. I had hoped Wakana’s live performance would make me appreciate the song more but I still feel the same way about it. I mean, I don’t dislike it or anything, I just don’t enjoy it as much as most of the other album tracks. It just doesn’t click with me if that makes sense. At the end of the performance we get a small highlight. Wakana went up to her little table and picked up a couple of instruments. First she used the tingsha to create some sort of “bling” sound. Then she took the big rainstick and slowly moved it upside down to create the sound of rain. Honestly, I can’t wait for you to see her face on the video release, I hope they caught her expressions on camera, she looked so happy playing those instruments. Like a little child that got to play with her favourite toy.

MC: I don’t have much memory of the MCs tbh (or rather, I don’t remember what was being said in which MC because there were SO MANY) but I think she talked about her album release here and how she wants people to listen to her as an individual, she wants people to focus on her as a human being, this tour is only about her and her voice (which is also why the tour title is “VOICE”). This is also where she talked about the weather I think. How she tends to be really unlucky and wherever she goes she brings rain with her. During her first few tour lives the weather was always really nice but unfortunately it rained a lot on the day of her Tokyo live. It did however stop raining towards the late afternoon. The weather wasn’t exactly nice but at least we managed to stay dry. It was super hot and sunny for Wakana’s Fukuoka live. Maybe she mentioned the cameras here too or it might have been in a later MC...? Anyways, she confirmed that we would get a home video release for this concert.

03.瑠璃色の空 | Ruriiro no Sora This is probably my least favourite song of the album, it’s just not my cup of tea. As a result, the performance didn’t really stand out to me and I don’t have much to say about it.. However, for those who like the song I think you will like the live performance because Wakana sounded really good. No complaints.

04.Hard Rain This is where the concert really picked up for me. It was the first up-beat song of the live and I generally enjoyed the performance. In the beginning when I first listened to the album I wasn’t sure whether or not I liked “Hard Rain”, both “Ruriiro no Sora” and “Hard Rain” have a similar vibe, they almost sound “jazz-y” to me and honestly, jazz is a genre I don’t enjoy at all. But unlike “Ruriiro no Sora” “Hard Rain” managed to win me over. The studio version is really nice but the live version is so much better. Wakana delivered a lovely performance, her stage presence was great. During the chorus she kept walking from one end of the stage to the other, flapping her multi-layered skirt. She came right to the edge of the stage so I felt really close to her.The “paya-paya” part at the end of the song was lip-synched to some extent. Or at least they had a very loud track playing in the background. The last few “paya-payas” she sang herself.

MC: I think in this MC Wakana talks about the privilege of working together with so many different and talented composers/songwriters. She feels honoured that all these beautiful songs were made for her. She learned a lot, she got to meet lots of amazing people, she got a lot more involved in the creative process. The next song was composed and written by Yūko Andō, Wakana is particularly smitten by this piece because it’s so powerful, it’s a showcase of female strength.

05.記憶��人 | Kioku no Hito In my opinion Wakana’s live performance far exceeded the studio version. Those who already love the studio version will fall in love even more with the song once they watch the live. At least that’s what happened to me. There was so much emotion in her voice. She sounded beautiful. THIS is the kind of singing style I enjoy most from Wakana, it’s this kind of song where she gets to shine. The previous songs lacked this particular charm (at least it felt that way to me). Don’t get me wrong, they were all solid performances but there are distinctive aspects of Wakana’s voice that I originally fell in love with and that aren’t really all that present in the above mentioned songs (because they are a different style to what Wakana usually sings). Does this make sense? The band thankfully held back here, the arrangement was very simple, no excessive use of drums, e-guitar or bass.

06.時の音 | Toki no Ne Just like with “Kioku no Hito” this song was much more impressive being performed live (as impressive as a slow ballad like that can get :P). While listening to the album I usually neglected this track because I didn’t really care for it all that much. However, Wakana’s nuanced performance really moved me. There was something in her voice that struck my heart, it’s hard to explain. Once again the band held back for which I was very grateful. An understated piece like this sounds best with a simple arrangement.

MC: I think this might have been the MC where she talked about the sky and taking lots of pictures. She loves watching the sky, the sun and the trees. How the position of the sun changes the entire scenery, how the strength of the wind puts everything in motion. She wants everyone to get a feel for the summer wind so for her cover corner she chose the song “Kaze ni Naritai” as intro. She thinks it’s a perfect song for the season.

07.風になりたい | Kaze ni Naritai ❇Cover (original by THE BOOM) Probably the most quirky and laid back performance of the night. A feel-good song if there ever was one. Everyone had a blast. Wakana was so hyper and she was dancing around like a little girl. She got the audience to clap along, it was a ton of fun. I didn’t expect to like this song so much because I wasn’t really impressed with the original when I listened to it on youtube but boy, Wakana truly worked her magic, I was mesmerised, it felt like we were all at the beach. Throughout the song she used a small rattle and let me tell you, she took the shaking seriously. Can’t wait for everyone to watch this performance on DVD/BD.Vocally this song wasn’t outstanding or anything, it was just about having fun.

MC: Next up she talks about how there are so many artists she admires and she decided early on that she wanted to sing some of their songs during her lives. Last year during her autumn tour she already sang a song by Spitz (they are among her favourite bands) so for this tour she KNEW that she wanted to sing another Spitz song. This time she chose Hotaru which is one of her all-time favourite songs.

08.ホタル | Hotaru ❇Cover (original by Spitz) Ever since Wakana had mentioned in an interview that she would love to sing this song together with the lead singer of Spitz one day, I have been in love with it. I watched the original on Youtube and was immediately smitten by Masamune Kusano’s voice. Wakana uses a very similar style to sing the song, it’s very intense and soulful. The arrangement is also pretty much the same. Just imagine the original being sung by Wakana and you will know what to expect.

MC: This MC was pretty long and quite different at the Tokyo and Fukuoka live, I fear I might mix up things a little. Here she talks a lot about loving Miyuki Nakajima. Last time she sang “Ito” and this time she is gonna sing “Jidai”, a song that has left a huge impression on her. She used to sing it as a young girl but back then she didn’t understand the meaning of the lyrics (find the English lyrics HERE). She just sang it because she liked the melody. As she became older, the lyrics gradually started to make sense and now it’s so much more powerful. Wakana says that as time goes by so many things happen, everything changes, steadily we learn to love new things, we say goodbye to old things. At the Tokyo live she tried to recite a part of the lyrics but for some reason she couldn’t remember the lines in the heat of the moment. She was standing there, flustered, trying to remember the lines. Not a single word came out of her mouth though. She looked at the ceiling looking for a hint but obviously there was none, the pianist even started playing a few tones so Wakana would remember but nope, it didn’t happen. Eventually Wakana gave up and just decided to sing the song. I hope they keep that part in the DVD/BD.

09.時代 | Jidai ❇Cover (orignal by Miyuki Nakajima) Absolutely breathtaking, I LOVE this song so much, I understand why Wakana is such a big fan of it. And really, Wakana sings it perfectly. This is the kind of song that was MADE for her. It was a very emotional performance for everyone because we all had to think of Kalafina parting ways and Wakana taking a new path.

10.水の証 | Mizu no Akashi I was so happy to hear her perform this live since it’s literally one of her oldest songs. I have never attended a YK live so last year during Wakana’s symphony concert, I got to listen to it for the first time. I was mesmerised back then and I was just as charmed this time around. I feel like Wakana is getting better and better at performing this song. She literally sounded like old-school Wakana. After the song had ended, Wakana took a small bow and walked off. Since the music was still playing there was no applause.

～ Mizu no Akashi inst ～  (dress change): The instrumental started out quite slow and quiet. Steadily it became more up-beat and epic, basically like one of YK’s typical instrumental pieces. I liked it quite a bit but I wasn’t blown away. Not sure if Satoshi Takebe arranged this or if the musicians improvised, either way, it was a nice little transition. They then played a little intro for Tsubasa that reminded me a lot of the beginning of “the battle is to the strong”. That was pretty epic. Wakana came on stage wearing her heavily patterned dress. I personally liked it a lot because the cut of this dress was much more flattering than the previous one. Plus, we got some Waka-collarbones and in my book that’s always a bonus.

11.翼 | Tsubasa I am really sad that Wakana doesn’t perform the song like she did on the music program Bokura no Ongaku (CLICK ME). That rendition had so much edge, she was literally growling some of her lines. Something we have never really seen from her before and certainly a welcome change. Ahhh, that was such a powerful performance. Alas, for this tour Wakana has decided to sing the song in a manner that’s quite similar to the studio version (comparable to the version we got from the Odaiba Venus Fort release event). Wakana does well, she sounds good, there’s no doubt that it is a great performance BUT there is a lack of “oomph” if you know what I mean. Her expressions and gestures also aren’t as passionate as they were in that music show. But hey, it’s fine. Perfectly enjoyable performance.

MC: There was a short MC where she talked about wanting to enjoy the following song together with the audience. Once again she invited us to clap along. a few people got up from their seats.

12.君だけのステージ | Kimi Dake no Stage WOW!! Wakana was glowing in this one, the song radiates so much happiness. She had a smile on her face the entire time. I can’t remember the melody of the song but the chorus is super uplifting and cheerful. I hope we will get a single release in the future. I can understand why it’s not on the album though, it’s too up-beat I think, it wouldn’t have fit the overall vibe XD

MC: This is when the band introduction happened...I wonder if this was also where she asked the audience members about where they came from. At one point she asked everyone from Tokyo to raise their hand, then everyone who came to the live from another part of the country. And finally she asked everyone from overseas to raise their hand. OF COURSE I was raising my hand as fast as I could. I am kinda sad that she didn’t ask the same question at the Fukuoka live T_T  

13.むすんでひらく | Musunde Hiraku Solid performance, perfect continuation of “Kimi Dake no Stage”. If I am not mistaken I think she struggled a bit with some of her notes...probably because of the faster tempo...Almost everyone stood up for this song and did the typical Kalafina hand/arm gesture. Not sure what to think of that actually. It’s like no one was invested in the live until she started singing a Kalafina song. Wakana had tried really hard to engage the audience during Kaze ni Naritai and Kimi Dake no Stage but you could tell people were holding back (for whatever reason). With the first note of “Musunde Hiraku” everyone literally jumped out of their seat. Kinda disrespectful if you ask me...maybe that’s just me reading too much into it but it didn’t sit well with me...

MC (Satoshi Takebe joins Wakana on stage): This part and the following two songs were Tokyo-exclusive. Wakana asked everyone to take a seat again and introduced Satoshi Takebe. She talked a bit about him being the producer of her previous and current tour, about him being awfully busy (they didn’t even have time to rehearse together!). He then says a few nice things about Wakana and apologises for talking too much. Wakana tells him it’s totally fine, she has been talking all evening and is happy someone else is taking over. She was like, “please keep talking so I don’t have to talk!” XD Satoshi Takebe explains that they decided to perform two songs together, the first one being a song that Wakana has always wanted to sing at a concert, she has been singing it so often at karaoke. The second one being a song Satoshi Takebe has always wanted to try and play.

14. ハナミズキ | Hanamizuki ❇Cover (original by Yō Hitoto) Sorry, can’t say anything about this. I hadn’t known that song prior to this performance and tbh, it didn’t really stand out. I thought it was quite boring tbh…But maybe that’s just me being overly-critical and me not having read the lyrics. I am always having a hard time judging songs that I have only listened to once. I am not able to take in everything the first time. Plus, at that point I was fighting a battle with exhaustion. I had arrived in Japan that morning and didn’t get any sleep on the plane. I kinda wish she would have sung this in Fukuoka too because there I would have been able to appreciate it more. I have basically no memory of it so it’s hard for me to write a proper review. Wakana definitely sounded good but I don’t think it was a very challenging song...or maybe it was? Ughhh, sorry, I fail...

15. oblivious I have never been a big fan of “oblivious” to begin with and this new arrangement doesn’t really do anything to improve my opinion of it. Wakana performed a similar version during her symphony concert, it’s just a bit more up-beat now. They pretty much removed all the “oooohh-ing” parts so Wakana is only singing the verses and chorus. Just at the very end Wakana is doing a bit of “oooh-ing” but she chose to do it with a very thin and breathy voice. Not sure why because she could have definitely sung it with a fuller and more “operatic” voice. Personally I feel like without the operatic style “ooooh-ing” the song isn’t all that special. I guess you will all have to judge for yourself. Those who love “oblivious” might find something to like here too.

MC: Here she talks about time and clocks, pretty much the same thing she has been talking about in many of her interview. Time is the theme of quite a lot of her album tracks, she is generally very fascinated by time.

16.僕の心の時計 | Boku no Kokoro no Tokei A touching performance. One of my favourites actually, didn’t expect to like it so much. Her vocals were lovely here, especially towards the end. Can’t really say anything else about it.

17.時を越える夜に | Toki wo Koeru Yoru ni Unlike most people, I have loved this song from the get-go. I think it’s a beautiful ballad and I could listen to it all day. BUT the band really ruined this performance for me. Okay, maybe “ruined” isn’t the right word, there was still some enjoyment to be found, Wakana’s vocals were on point after all but it just wasn’t what I had hoped for. As I mentioned at the beginning of this report, the bass was super obnoxious during the chorus. It was totally out of place. I hope they can work some studio magic to make it sound better on DVD/BD. Or maybe it was just my personal perception and other people liked it...???

MC: Wakana says that this is the final song of her concert *fake news XD* and thanks everyone for coming.

18.金木犀 | Kinmokusei Ahhhh! A beautiful and solid performance, nothing more to say about it. I was already smitten with the studio version so Wakana didn’t really have to do anything to convince me to fall in love with the live version.

~EN ~ Wakana left the stage and people started doing the usual clapping for an encore. They didn’t do the typical “encore” chanting. The band returned and the pianist started to play with a sort of organ setting. It sounded very epic. Wakana comes on stage wearing her album cover dress. The sleeves were altered slightly, instead of long sleeves she now has the fabric flow freely around her arms. It’s a very good look on her, she literally looks like an angel. She has some accessories in her hair that look a lot like the ones she used for the 10th Anniversary Live.

19.ひかりふる | Hikari Furu I think this performance will be quite polarising. Some will love it, others will hate it. Personally, I really loved it because Wakana sounded great. Yes, Keiko and Hikaru are missed dearly and a couple of their essential lines (e.g. “hikari no naka”) were left out but nonetheless, Wakana did an amazing job (especially during the climax). As I mentioned before, the song starts with some sort of organ-style playing by the piano and Wakana’s angelic singing. As the song progresses the other instruments join in, the arrangement sounds quite dramatic. For some reason I was reminded of Queen’s music (probably because I had just watched the movie Bohemian Rhapsody on the plane). Wakana sings as many of Keiko’s and Hikaru’s lines as possible and she really does them justice. She doesn’t necessarily try to imitate their singing style, her “mabushii asa” for example sounds totally different than Keiko’s. Overall I am very happy that she decided to sing this song, it was definitely one of the highlights of this live. I guess everyone has to decide for themselves whether or not they like this new arrangement.

MC: Here Wakana talks about the final song of her album. During the Tokyo live she explains that this song is very special because it showcases the power of lyrics. The melody is cute and playful but that’s actually quite misleading because the topic of the song is profound and sad. She also mentions that the song was composed by Shusui and another Swedish composer who she had first met more than a decade ago when she was still in her teens.I think she might have only sad that at the Fukuoka live, not sure o.O

20.愛の花 | Ai no Hana Hands down my favourite song of the album and probably my favourite performance of those two nights. I don’t know what it is about this song but I am just so freaking in love with it. I guess it’s just like Wakana said in the MC, the juxtaposition of the sweet melody and the tragic lyrics makes “Ai no Hana” so precious. There are so many emotions combined in this song. Tragedy, sadness, joy and hope, they all come together to create a beautiful song. Wakana sounds like an angel, especially after the second chorus when she does her “ooohhh-ing”. The live version is SO MUCH better than the studio version. Her high notes are gorgeous. The end of the song is also improved quite a bit because it doesn’t end so abruptly after the final chorus. The chorus is repeated a second time (starting from “kōri mo tokasu ai no hana) which adds a lovely climax.

MC: Wakana thanks everyone and once again introduces the band members. One by one they start leaving the stage until only the pianist is left. Wakana says that she wants to sing one final song accompanied by just the piano. The song is written by Satoshi Takebe and it means a lot to her. The past year has been filled with lots of emotions, there has been sadness, pain and joy, she has made so many new experiences, she has worked really hard on writing all these lyrics. Every time she stands on stage she knows it’s all worth it. She was born to sing, she wants to keep on singing, she wants to deliver her songs to an audience. She has put all these feelings into the lyrics of the next song.

21.あとひとつ | Ato Hitotsu So simple and yet so beautiful. I think for most of you who are not really fans of slow ballads the song will be too boring. For me personally, it was love at first listen. The melody of the chorus is still stuck in my head. I wonder if we'll ever get a release for this song. I really hope so! It would go perfectly with “Kimi Dake no Stage” - topic wise I mean. And it would make a lovely B-side. This is just about Wakana declaring her love for singing and performing, about being herself, about treasuring the moment, about following her dreams. I don’t remember everything but the lyrics are so sweet, I honestly couldn’t help but cry.

Final greeting: Wakana walked from side to side saying a few parting words. In Fukuoka she started crying, it was so precious. First she only teared up a little but then she kept talking and the tears were just flowing down her face. She didn’t really say anything special, just the usual stuff (so happy to be back home, to be welcomed so warmy, etc). She can’t wait to be back, there will be many more tours (she made it sound like another tour was already in the making, there was no official announcement though).

[mycaminodesantiago]

Trail Magic

St. Jean Pied de Port - The Start: 

Here I was, alone in a strange new land, staring at an array of things scattered on my twin-sized bed. I couldn’t yet make sense of it all, but it was everything I would have to my name for the next month.

My backpack was bright red, one I’d found on sale at REI just days before making the arguably unrealistic decision to fly across the Atlantic Ocean world alone and hike eight hundred kilometers. After cramming everything inside of it haphazardly, I clasped myself in and looked in the mirror. I felt strange in my hiking gear, like someone I hadn’t yet become.

My resident hosts for the evening told me as best as they could in their broken English to follow the yellow arrows out of town, wished me good luck in Spanish and kissed both of my cheeks before bidding me adieu. I’d flown into Madrid airport a few days prior and taken a long, tiring series of confusingly-routed trains and buses before finally making it to Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port, a small village on the border of France and Spain, and the starting point of the Camino de Santiago.

“¡Adios!,” I waved with a bashful smile as I stepped into the light, amazed that everything I needed to survive for thirty days could be carried on my back. I felt my soul dance inside my body as I began my first ascent out of the quaint, medieval town.

* History: St. Jean is the ancient capital of the Basque region of Basse-Navarre, with a resident population of 1,500. It is located in the foothills of the Pyrenees mountains (pied-de-port translates to ‘foot of the pass’) just before the Spanish border, serving as the traditional starting point for pilgrims hiking the French route of the Camino de Santiago.

My first-day jitters and excitement were quickly drowned out both by the throbbing pain in my feet—brought on by my careless decision to not break-in my brand new hiking shoes—and the staggering heat of summer.

Three weeks ago, I’d come to the conclusion that this hike, though I had zero long-distance walking experience and hadn’t adequately prepared for it whatsoever, was perfectly justifiable. It’s just walking, I told myself. I’ve walked all my life!

I’d never, however, walked uphill for five hours in the desert-like Pyrenees mountains in early July with a heavy pack strapped onto my back. Although an otherworldly view of mountaintops, endless greenery and open fields surrounded me, I spent most of my time that first day of the hike? on the Pyrenees fantasizing in intricate detail about the taste of cold water. All the while, I’d nearly emptied my real-life bottle that was filled with water so hot it legitimately could have burned my mouth. I crept onwards, trying to tell myself that it was okay that I had absolutely no knowledge of where the next water source was. Feeling hopeless and stupid and contemplating why the hell I was doing this, I tried to convince myself that this just must be what being a backpacker felt like.

Each time I reached the place that I thought was the top of the mountain, I was wrong. My only relief was found in the occasional short descent, which I soon discovered wasn’t actually a break in the misery at all, but rather was a brand new kind of misery as my toes jammed into the front of my shoes with every shuffle downward I took.

At only ten in the morning the sun had already been beating me down, but by noon the heat was so unrelenting and the trail so exposed to the sun I wondered honestly if I would live to see another day. When I finally spotted what looked like a water fountain in the distance, I felt more grateful than perhaps I ever had for anything in my entire life. I was so dehydrated that I filled my bottle up and chugged it empty three times over, unable to stop myself.

I’d been so fixated on the sight of water that I hardly noticed someone sitting in the shade beside me. “I did the same thing five minutes ago,” she laughed in a way that told me she understood exactly the desperation I’d just overcome. I’d soon become used to people approaching me along the trail with such friendliness and familiarity.

I continued walking alone in a little less agony than I was in minutes before and tried to notice the beauty surrounding me: an endless, magnificent, crisp green mountainous landscape in every direction, as far as the eye could see. This was my luscious escape, if only for a brief moment in time. It was here that I would leave my troubles behind.

Night 1 - Roncesvalles: 

After 23.6 kilometers of walking, a monumental relief set in as I finally saw a monastery in the distance, the first sign of civilization since I’d left Saint-Jean eight hours prior. This massive, medieval hostel was where I’d be lying my head down on the first night of my Camino. The whopping 110 beds in the newly renovated building were already fully occupied by the time I arrived late in the afternoon, so I was escorted by a nice, older gentlemen to a different building across a large, grassy field. 

“This is our winter building. We only use it when there’s no space left in the new place. You’re the first one that’ll be staying in here,” he told me, clearly unaware of the fact that I didn’t care where the hell I was as long as I could sit down. “Pretty standard,” he said before walking off. 

Other than the two rows of twin-sized bunk-beds, the room was musty, stark and empty. Connected to it was a much smaller white bathroom containing a mirror, two toilets, and two showers with something inside of them that I suppose could pass as shower heads once there was water coming out of them. The man was right—this was standard. It looked almost exactly the same as every other place I’d stay in for the next thirty days.

The shower I took felt like a holy experience, and by the time I stepped out of the communal bathroom, the room was already filled with an array of bodies and backpacks.

“Hey, you’re water fountain girl!,” a dark-featured, young girl said cheerfully in my direction. I was relieved to see a familiar face, even if the extent of her familiarity had been only a few moments in passing earlier that day. The two of us limped to the dining area together, talking briefly about our days and our lives back home. She was a Chinese girl named Lulu who spoke very little English, but I’d come to realize that finding our own little ways of communicating with each other was a big part of the Camino.

“I just feel a little lost,” she told me after I asked why she had decided to do this. I nodded empathetically. I understood.

We were soon joined by a couple who I recognized almost instantly. I spent the entire day awkwardly passing and then falling behind them again. Marta was from Peru, Andrew from New Zealand, both enthusiastic and good-looking. If they can do it, so can I, I repeated to myself along the trail each time I’d felt like giving up. I felt safe and encouraged in their presence. We all made small talk over warm red wine, stale bread, lukewarm vegetable soup, french fries and some kind of mystery meat that tasted like mud — and yet seldom have I ever consumed anything so amazing in my life. I would have been happy eating anything so long as I was finally off my feet.

“Eres una hermosa princesa,” Marta whispered in my ear with a wink as she hugged me and fluttered off to bed, hand-in-hand with Andrew.

*History: “Roncesvalles,” translated to “valley of thorns,” is the entry point of Spain for pilgrims traveling along the Camino. With a resident population of only 30 people, this tiny village is located at an altitude of 950km and is a part of the mountainous region of Navarre. With its open hill atmosphere, strenuous uphill and steep downhill, this first day of walking is one of the most demanding of the entire route.

When I rolled over in my bottom-bunk the next morning, everyone in the room had already left for the day, except for one. I had spoken a few brief words with most of the people in my room the night before, but this person in particular had kept to himself the entire night. Too groggy to attempt a conversation, we both got ready in silence. As I slipped on my too-small trail runners, I heard a voice ask how my feet were doing. This, I soon found, was a perfectly normal topic of conversation amongst pilgrims along the Camino.

“They’re holding up,” I laughed. “I have a lot of Compeed.” After all the research I had done about what to bring with you, Compeed was always at the top of the list. It acted as a second layer of skin to protect your charred feet from unwanted contact with your walking shoes. It was like a high-tech bandaid for blisters. This stuff was supposed to be some kind of magic.

“I’ve found that using normal tape actually works better,” he explained to me, mentioning casually that while on a hiking trek in India, taping up his toes every morning was what saved his feet. I felt a sudden wave of inadequacy wash over me as he tossed the tape in my direction. “Try it,” he said, charmingly sure of himself.

Following command, I used his tape on all ten of my toes before sliding my black, calf-high socks over my aching feet, a routine that became customary for me as the days went on.

“Have you ever done any kind of backpacking?”

“Not really,” I replied hesitantly, knowing very well that a hard no would have been a much more truthful answer. I had enjoyed gentle day hikes up the Hudson Valley mountain ranges from time to time. With that, I’d somehow felt adept enough to do this.

“I’m Joseph,” he said. I glossed over him as he folded up his sleeping bag. He was a classically handsome man, slim, blonde and blue-eyed. I wasn’t attracted to him, yet for some reason I hoped that he was attracted to me, which I knew was absurd.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Haley,” I said as I scampered away, unsure if I would ever see him again and eager to get back on the trail.

Night 2 - Zubiri:

I walked in a state of awe at the beauty and the silence of the trail that day, the yellow arrows every few paces like friends to me now. Several kilometers in, I came across a giant electrical box spray-painted with the words FIGHT ALL HATRED OF THE WORLD WITH LOVE in bold, black lettering.

My mind suddenly wandered away to a dark-blue mattress on a messy bedroom floor, a room that I knew all too well. After falling into an alcohol-fueled half-love with a bearded musician, I’d moved out of my mother’s house and into his studio apartment.

Emotionally detached and in my youth and sorrow, I was ready to self-destruct. And I’d found someone who would hold my hand while I did it. 

“Love is everything,” Chris used to tell me behind a cloud of smoke, words I once found to be so profound and poetically brilliant I’d considered getting them tattooed onto my body. 

He’d sit in his raggedy-red chair night after night, strumming his beat-up guitar while I cocooned myself around him playfully, listening to the sound of his voice in a drunken haze, grazing my fingertips gently down the tattoo on his spine. 

After just a few weeks of our cohabitation, I’d dug myself into a hole of intoxication so deep I wasn’t sure I’d ever crawl out. I could feel myself disintegrating inside myself.

This had been just six months ago, a time when sleepless nights and liquored-lips were the only things that I knew. I am not meant to be this way, to live a life so dark and bleak and empty, I told myself. Yet even now, I’d swear to you that I had loved him, in whatever twisted way that I was able to. I loved him still and I’d loved him instantly, from the very first moment I’d met him.

I had watched Chris play in bars, hypnotized by his devilish charm and angelic voice. Exactly one year ago, he started playing in the bar I’d been working in, and I’d known after his first set that I’d be breaking all of my rules for him. We introduced ourselves later that night over a shot of whisky, his brown eyes blazing. I gripped his tattooed hand, and let him take me home a week later. Before we knew it, summer was winter, and his love had become so full-throated and all-encompassing that I couldn’t run from it, no matter how hard I tried to. He was a forbidden fruit that I bit blissfully into.

It seemed so far away from me now, all that intimacy between two people who were so clearly imploding. Thinking about the choices I had made with him didn’t make me feel sad or happy. I only felt that in spite of all the things I’d done wrong, in getting myself here, at least I’d done one thing right.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sudden sound of footsteps approaching from behind me. Finding myself in no mood to make casual conversation, I politely stepped aside to let them pass.

“Hey! I thought I recognized your backpack,” a familiar accent called out as I untwisted the cap of my water bottle.

“Hey, you!” I only half-remembered his name. I know it starts with a J, I thought to myself. 

I told him I was doing fine, despite the fact that all I could think about was the excruciating chafing between my thighs. We both took sips of our boiling-hot water and continued down the path, his trekking poles making a sharp clicking sound against the packed dirt with each step we took, a sound I’d soon have memorized.

As we walked alongside each other, we exchanged a flurry of information about who we were and where we were from and what we do. He was from Stockholm, but had been living in Bali for the last year, and India before that. He held a job in finance that he couldn’t properly make me understand, but it allowed him to live what he called a “digital nomadic lifestyle.” There was an ease about him that both intrigued and intimidated me. I listened in fascination as he told me about his otherworldly life, all the while wondering how I could possibly tell him that I’d been working in the same bar for four years and had absolutely no idea what I was doing with my life and also was trying helplessly to drag myself out of a drunken pit of regret and mistakes, in a way that would make my life sound even half as attractive as his.

Four hours later, the familiar yellow arrowheads lead us down a rocky slope, over a medieval bridge, and along a river into a town called Zubiri, where we would stay for the night. After rinsing off and deciding that our hunger overpowered our exhaustion, we limped to the closest restaurant, a treacherous ten steps away. The pizza Joseph and I ate was more reminiscent of a piece of cardboard than it was of pizza, but any source of food after ten hours of walking in the scorching sun tasted almost euphoric to us. Despite the fact I’d only known him for a day, he felt familiar to me, like I could trust him with close to anything.

Two young men soon joined our table, the drag of their walks instantly giving away their hiker identities. We all drank the local beer and ran through the Camino as a conversational topic, until we finally arrived at ourselves. Mike was young and blond and outspoken. He worked as a DJ in Germany’s capital, though the rest of us had found that hard to believe. His heavy accent and odd mannerisms were enough to crack the whole table up, even when he wasn’t trying to be funny. To my left sat Daniel, a middle-aged Italian man who’d just quit his job as a chef in Rome. He was dark-featured and reserved, but inquisitive. Later, we all hobbled back to our hostel with beers we bought out of a vending machine and attempted to play a Spanish version of Pictionary, even though our Spanish vocabulary totaled to about twenty words between the four of us. 

All of our lives were so profoundly different. If the four of us had met off the trail, I don't know if we would have become friends. But by the end of the night, they had already become dear to me.

The sunset was soft and tinged with the slightest shade of pink, so beautiful that my state of exhaustion didn’t matter. We sat outside of our hostel in an open courtyard on white plastic lawn chairs that had felt like thrones, laughing and telling story after story until the light faded from the sky.

*History: Zubiri is a small industrial town with a population of 400. The Puenta de la Rabia is a medieval bridge along the río Arga located at the entrance of the town. The name “Rabia” comes from a legend that says any animal led three times around the central arch would be cured of rabies.

When my alarm jolted me awake the next morning, my aching body felt like someone had beaten me senseless the night before. I didn’t have time to be hungover. 

The four of us scurried around the small room, aimlessly throwing things in our packs, groaning and smiling at one another, miserable and amused and too tired to speak. After doctoring my chawed-up toes, I realized that my feet had swelled so much that I could no longer squeeze them into my brand new trail runners. The only other pair of shoes I had packed were a pair of sandals, shoes that were undoubtedly not cut out for the terrain I would be walking on for the next 28 days. I sat on the floor motionless for a moment, paralyzed with dread. There wouldn’t be a sporting store until I arrived in Pamplona, another 20.9 kilometers away. I had no choice. I Velcroed myself into my sandals and walked up and into the searing hot day.

Night 3 - Pamplona: 

I was lost in a spiral of bitter thoughts, but thankful to have my new friends by my side, though we couldn’t muster much strength to talk as the last dregs of our hangovers sweated out of us. By midday, my inner thighs had scabbed over completely and my feet looked like they had nearly doubled in size. Any gusto that I had started off with two days ago had officially worn off.

After what felt like an eternity, we reached a small café, the sight of which had been such a tremendous relief that for a moment I’d forgotten about the pain in my feet. A shady place to sit and the taste of freshly-made potato tortilla was enough to lift my spirits enormously. I felt refueled and ready for what was left of the day when a sandy-blond, middle-aged lady approached us and asked what we were planning to do in order to detour Pamplona, the place we planned as our next stop. She spoke with a heavy British accent and was wearing Mickey Mouse sunglasses.

She told us that, unbeknownst to us, every single hostel in Pamplona would be shut down for their annual event called Running of the Bulls. After chatting with other pilgrims around us, we found out that almost every single one of them planned to continue walking into Pamplona, only to catch the public bus that would take them one town further. But by the time news got to us, all of the hostels there were already completely full. 

We had only two options: take the bus two towns past Pamplona in order to find a bed, cutting two days off of our Camino, or splurge on an expensive hotel room for the night in Pamplona. Mike and Daniel chose the former, while Joseph and I decided it would be worth it to see the festival and not skip over any days of walking. 

We spent the next few hours soaking in the last bit of time we were guaranteed to have with each other, their company making me forget how ruined I had felt just hours before. We took turns making fun of Mike’s monster of a backpack that had to weigh at least half of what he did—and he was not a small man. We practiced saying the German curse words that he had taught us the night before and we argued about the difference between rivers and lakes. We talked about nothing and everything and made up jokes and diversions in order to pass the time until we finally finished walking to the bus station together, all of us completely spent.

I liked Mike and Daniel immensely. We clicked. We had bonded in that way I imagined kids did when they spent a month away together at summer camp. It was a crazy and curious thing how strangers from opposite sides of the world, speaking different languages, could come together as a family in one moment in time and share this adventure with each other.

“Just take lots of rest days and wait for us,” Joseph and I joked nostalgically, knowing that it wasn’t likely we would be able to catch up with them. The four of us embraced and wished each other well. Joseph and I stood back and watched them board the bus that would take them out of our lives forever or for a few days, we didn’t know.

“Do you think we’ll ever see them again?,” Joseph asked me.

“I hope so,” I replied tenderly as I walked on silently next to him towards our hotel, thinking about all the stories Mike and Daniel had told me, still aglow from having met them.

*History: With a population of 200,000, Pamplona is one of the biggest cities along the Camino, its history closely linked with pilgrims. The Roman general Pompaelo founded the city in the first century B.C., and its patron Saint is San Fermín. The bulls run free in Calle Estafeta from July 6th to 14th annually. 

The final part of our walk was along busy main roads throughout the massive city of Pamplona. It was strange being in the midst of the noise and bustle of city life after the relative calm that the Camino provided us over the last two days.

Our tiny, shared hotel room felt like a palace. The feel of soft, fresh white sheets had become a delicacy to us after two nights of sleeping on rubber mattresses with nothing but a thin, silk liner. To keep my pack light, I had only brought two hiking outfits with me, along with one jacket and a big shirt to sleep in. I knew coming into this that every two days, no matter how exhausted I was, I would be forced to wash my clothes. As I scrubbed down my sweaty clothes in our hotel sink and then less successfully attempted to dry them with a hair blow dryer so that I would have something clean to wear  tonight, I regretted this decision immensely. 

Once the two of us rinsed our bodies off and threw on our best “real world” outfits, we made our way to the main square of the city. Although for hikers we looked relatively put together in our button-down sun shirts, we still felt outlandish in this big city full of well-dressed residents, huge groups of people dressed in red and white shuffling together through the chaotic, crowded streets.We found our way to the middle of the mayhem and before I could open my mouth, Joseph was ordering us dos chupitos de tequila from a crowded bar.

“I know you like tequila,” he said with a smirk as he handed me the shot. 

The night before, I had shared with him how was I was so widely known in my hometown for drinking tequila that I had been given the nickname Tequila Haley, a name which I now loathed entirely.

“But I’m a bartender, so it’s okay. It’s my profession,” I had told him sarcastically, both of us laughing, though I knew this wasn’t anything to be proud of.

“Cheers, to Running of the Bulls and a successful three days on the Camino,” Joseph said as I took the shot reluctantly. I swore to myself I wouldn’t drink liquor while I was here, yet here I was, only three days in.

We walked on, admiring the beauty of the city. The town was electrified with loud music and fireworks and we soaked up the atmosphere of the lively streets until the early hours of the morning. On our way back to the hotel, I felt the cool breeze of Spain flowing through my body. I had chills, knowing how lucky I was to be here, right now, in this moment. 

“I swear, I usually have pretty feet,” I chuckled as Joseph poked fun at my ridiculous-looking swollen feet.

“You have a pretty everything, Haley,” he smiled, and I felt a warm feeling inside of me. I wasn’t interested in him as anything more than a friend, yet still, it felt nice knowing that he thought I was pretty. I could tell that he liked me, though I still couldn’t tell how much. Joseph was a golden boy. His looks were polar opposite to any man that I had ever been attracted to—rugged, dark-featured men with dark personalities, long hair and tattoos who usually looked like they hadn’t bathed in weeks. In a lot of ways, with his short, well-combed blonde curly hair and beaming blue eyes, Joseph was even prettier than I was.

As we crawled into the real actual beds that were astonishingly ours for the night, I thought about how nice it was to have a friend beside me. I hardly knew Joseph, yet after just three days, he had become a beacon for me.

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

[zelos-official-armrest]

Seoul Limited and Forever with Babyz (Madrid)

I’m about half a year late, but I just want to share a bit of my B.A.P concert experiences both in Seoul Limited and Forever With Babyz tour in Madrid. You know, if anyone’s interested…

First of all, how did I get to Seoul? I applied for a month-long summer university program and I got a smaller tuition fee thanks to my schools being partner universities. Still, it took me about 5 years to get enough funds. I’m not going to talk much about that in here, but it was the most amazing time of my life. I do advise everyone not to ONLY go there for running after a potential Korean boyfriend tho. The culture is so much more than kpop-related fantasies.

Ok, on to the actual topic- B.A.P. While in Seoul, I did want to see the TS building with my own two eyes (so I’d know where to go to throw the tomatoes, haha). Therefore, one evening me and my fellow coursemate/ friend went to look for it, but apparently that day B.A.P and TRCNG had a practice there as it came out. When we approached the building, Zelo was chatting with someone in front of the house, but seeing us coming scared him off and he fleed to the building. I felt so sorry for him, because it must be a common occurrence for them to not get privacy even there by the way he reacted. So, I got nervous because I really wanted to have a picture in front of the building, but I didn’t want to be causing any discomfort to them. Me and my friend decided to take a picture real quick and I kinda got my two half-blurry pictures in front of the building.

Here’s potato me making TS surrender to the Matoki power:

When we stood back a bit, I saw TRCNG entering the house and we decided to leave. While we were walking away, around the corner came Himchan who was, for some reason, followed (basically cornered) by a bunch of blonde chicks (stalkers I guess?). Since I was a bit too close, for some reason I thought it would be really impolite if I didn’t say anything so I bowed and let out „annyeonghaseyo“ (It’s really weird to type it out like that). He answered me with a nod and when he had entered TS, some Korean fans who were following set themselves to wait outside the doors. That was the last we saw them as we moved further away from the place…

Before going to the summer program and buying the plane tickets to Korea, I didn’t know B.A.P would have a concert. When it was announced, I praed for the dates to overlap with my stay. I was incredibly lucky, because B.A.P’s first Seoul Limited concert was on the last day of my stay. The day itself was super-hot (38+ degrees) and I had a lot of troubles from moving out the dorms with all of my luggage etc. In the morning I managed to go to the venue to buy some merch (got myself a matoki whistle and a t-shirt). In the afternoon, there were already fansites distributing free merch (got also 2 banners, but I lost my shiny Zelo banner at the concert T_T). 

The queueing was so different from European stops, where we camp in front of the venes. Here you had a number on a ticket and you just went and looked for your spot in the line and everything went smoothly. I actually had bought two tickets, because I was hoping for someone to go with me (and to get more people to appreciate B.A.P, lol). I did manage to get a friend from the program to come with me, so it was a success. The venue was really well ventilated and the sound system was great. B.A.P had a live band to back them up and they put on a great show as always. Too bad I couldn’t really understand much when they did their talking. In the crowd, there was a couple and B.A.P pointed at them and stated that „This is how you take your girlfriend out. You take her to a B.A.P concert !“, and they continued to chat for a bit. The best things from the concert- Coma rock version, Blind and small snipets from songs fans had selected as the ones they want to hear from B.A.P the most, watergun fight, new solos and tons of adlibs. Even though my ticket queue number was quite big, the stage was so well built that when idols came off from the main stage to those cat-walks, I had maybe only 2 rows of people in front of me making it the closest I’ve been at a concert. 

This is basically how I saw them went they came near:

But there is one thing I found different from previous concerts. I don’t know if it was because I was really nervous about my flights and everything that day, but the crowd in Europe felt more passionate. I guess it is just in the way we cheer. I mean, their fanchants and everything was on point, but somehow it felt more calm and collected that I was used to. Either way, I loved that I could be there with OT6 and that Jongup released his cute MV for Annoying as a memory of that day. Oh, oh, and I finally got on Himchan’s fancam J. Really blurry, but I know it’s me. Thank you Channie!

Moving on to my Madrid experience. At first, I didn’t really plan to go to another tour because I’d already seen them this year, but the fact that there were tickets with best perks I never really managed to get before still available started creeping on me. I had to decide whether to wait for the mess that was Berlin ticket sale or settle for the Madrid one. I decided to save myself from the excess stress and take the Madrid VVIP. I don’t regret going one bit even though the Youngbros organisation was freaking awful. As VVIP holders, we were promised more time at the high-touch than VIP but nothing like that happened. The signed poster was actually just printed on and they had ran out of black beanies before even half the VVIPs could pass the counter.

Just a small look at the merch etc: 

The worst thing was that they messed with B.A.P’s sound system so some time the microphones didn’t really work and the security guys didn’t pay any attention to people fainting in the crowd, which Daehyun and Zelo had to point out to them (Zelo tried to get their attention in Spanish, Daehyun wanted to stop the song to resolve the case) and Jongup threw his own water bottle to fans in need. The concert itself was really good (even though we still missed Bang and were chanting his name from time to time). I loved being able to hear Howler in it’s Spanish home and Zelo went wild with the butt-slaps and butt-wiggles. During Do What I Feel, he threw his towel to the crowd and guess who was the lucky one to catch it!  It still has his makeup on tho :D.

Haha, towel-kun has seen some things... At this point I knew. For 5 years, I didn’t manage to choose a bias in B.A.P. That was the day my bias chose me (lolololol)

The only kind of OK clips that I got from the concert was Youngjae’s acapella “I’m happy” and Jongup’s “Try my luck”, because I was trying to enjoy the concert too much which resulted in my hands being extra shaky. 

There was also a lottery where they chose a random number and a fan for every member got a small canvas bag with member’s drawing and autograph on it. And a hug. At some point, Youngjae managed to hurt his shoulder, I hope he is ok now. Them teaching us the fanchant for All the way up was pretty memorable since they almost booed Daehyun off the stage because he couldn’t contain himself and do the right thing. And Zelo just went like “OMG, it’s our song”. We also had a support project for Himchan where we held his banners and chanted his name.

My high-touch experience. While we were standing in a line, the organisers started to let B.A.P take their positions near the wall. To get there, B.A.P walked through a small bordered area which was right next to where some of us were queueing. I noticed Himchan and told him “annyeong” for which he raised his head, looked at me and just had the cutest smile ever on his face. I made Himchan smile, everyone! I don’t know if he noticed that this is the one person who never manages to greet him correctly (me in Warsaw, Seoul and now Madrid). He was also first in line at high-touch and he was still so extra smiley at me. 

To sum up the high-touch experience, this is basically it:

B.A.P with their beautiful hands vs Me coming from a jungle

And then this 1 second you had to admire all the beauty

I mean, there were so many things I wanted to say (just one sentence to each member), but I couldn’t do anything because it was too fast. I tried to tell them stuff in English or Korean, but they tried to tell me stuff in Spanish and in English and it was honestly such a mess. It was so funny. Then right after we had the group photo so I fastened my steps and got next to Zelo. After everything I just had to go to him. I could tell he did something over my head while taking the picture since he was touching it, but I had no actual idea what. The picture turned out better than I expected. I am not really good friends with cameras, specially when I don’t even know, where the cameraman is or when the picture is exactly taken. Got the cutest photo ever and I will now officially present my short ass as “Zelo’s armrest” since this is what he used me as.

Tbh, I had to photoshop my face on the picture a bit, because the camera reflected on me so bad that I looked like a Christmas tree in a Colgate commercial. Literally.

Anyways, after the short time for pictures, I could pass by all of them again and thanked them, especially Zelo, when I turned around. I love them all so much and I had soft hours for days after we got to know that Zelo shouldn’t have even been on the tour but he insisted to come. Made it all 10 times more memorable and important.

I wish I could also go to Yongguk’s tour. I don’t know if it’s possible, because I have already emptied my bank account for them. So I guess we’ll see what happens. I hope he receives a lot of love and support anyways.

That’s it, folks!

[ellymunro-blog]

Hello everybody! The name’s Cat (or Speedy... I answer to both). I’m 25, cisfemale, and from the EST timezone. I’ve recently just started a new job; and I’m also still recovering from a surgery I had last month. So I will apologize in advance if my activity isn’t the greatest. I promise it’ll pick up once my life becomes less hectic...

Anyway, I bring to you my little weirdo Ellis “Elly” Munro. She’s a modified version of a character I’ve played in a few groups before; so I’m interested in seeing how Crownsville Elly turns out. This RP honestly looks so great; and I can’t wait to start plotting with y’all! 

[ willa holland, twenty-three, cisfemale, she/her ]  — hey, I just saw [ ellis “elly” munro ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ two years ], and you can catch them around town working as a [sales associate at shazam comics ]. I hear they’re known to be [ loyal & determined ] and [ stubborn & cynical ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ sushi rolls, piles of comic books, extra large cups of coffee, movie theatres, bruised knuckles, hospital bracelets ].

Backstory (trigger warning: mentions of chronic illness)

Ellis Amalia-Rose Munro, more commonly known as Elly, was born and raised in Los Angeles (Hollywood), California to an up-and-coming thriller screenwriter/director and his trophy wife. She was their second child, having a brother roughly thirteen years older.

Growing up, her family was well-off due to her father’s success with many of his films. He was, by no means, a household name as far as filmmakers went; but for fans of thrillers, most knew at least a good handful of his work (think of him like Shyamalan only not quite as popular).

She actually had a tendency to have a small role in every single one of her father’s films. This continued up until she moved away for college.

At the age of 3, she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. She had faced multiple lung infections as well as poor weight gain for her first few years of life, thus leading to the diagnosis.

Her CF has always been well managed. It’s not something she ever let get in her way. She was always the very rambunctious and active child, just sometimes needing to take more breaks than others.

She was also a child model from the ages of 7-11. An agent had seen her in one of her father’s films and reached out. She was compliant for a few years; but modeling just was never really her thing.

Her mother is from Chelsea, London; and she grew up visiting her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins there every summer. London is one of her favorite places to go; and she’s quite proud of her British heritage.

At a young age, she was introduced to the world of comics and superheroes; and she was hooked from the start. She used to pretend she was a superhero, running around her house dressed like her favorites and wishing she had superpowers.

Due to her love of comics and superheroes, her parents thought it would be a good idea to get her involved in activities that would allow her to “train to be a superhero”. They signed her up for martial arts (she’s now a 4x blackbelt) and gymnastics. This way, she could use her imagination and stay in shape.

As the years went on, fencing and archery were added to Elly’s list of activities. And as soon as she learned what it was, she took up parkour as well. And out of everything she’s done, parkour has forever been her favorite.

She was actually once scouted for the Olympic archery team; and her coach kept encouraging her to train for a goal of the Olympics. But she never had any interest. To her, archery was just a hobby and nothing more.

After high school, she decided to go across the country for college; and wanting to stay in an area with warmer weather (she hates the cold/snow), she decided on attending the University of Miami as a psychology major.

While attending the University of Miami, she initially had no desire to end up on Greek Row. But she ultimately ended up pledging for and joining a sorority (Chi Omega) during her time at the college. 

Loving the east coast, she figured she’d want to stay in Miami or go elsewhere in Florida upon graduation (or not as she only finished three years of school); but she somehow ended up settling in the small town of Crownsville, Georgia. She’d gone home over the holidays with a friend who lived there; and she just felt drawn to the town.

That was a little over two years ago. Elly’s been in Crownsville pretty much ever since. She’s started making a life for herself here. She’s gotten a job working as a sales associate at Shazam Comics; and she’s also gotten herself a little apartment downtown. And while she often does miss California and her family, she’s started to become really happy in small town Georgia.

When it comes to her CF, she’s always been one to not feel the need to hide it. She’s been like this since she was little; and even now, she doesn’t feel the need to hide. It’s not something she tells everything; but she’s okay with people knowing she’s sick.

Another important thing about Elly is the fact she’s training to hopefully make it on to American Ninja Warrior. She fell in love with the show when she first saw it several years back; and given her hobbies, she’s always felt like she was a good candidate. She has yet to try out; but her plan is to try out this upcoming season.

Recently, however, her health has started to decline. Her lung function is now in the yellow; and it’s really scared her. She’s started to wonder if she should give up on her American Ninja Warrior dream in favor of her health. Her fall back plan is to open her own archery school or maybe get back into acting.

Likes: comic books, superheroes, coffee, sushi, movies, parkour, archery, katanas, tattoos, cosplaying, video games, flannel, hoodies, beanies, combat boots, avocados, star wars, workouts, roses, kingdom hearts, stitch, stuffed animals, british sweets, funkos, motorcycles, skateboarding, jolly ranchers, american ninja warrior, bdsm

Dislikes: hospitals, swimming, cold weather, snow/ice, kale, cats, needles, alcohol, energy drinks, high heels

Misc. Facts

Her parents almost named her Ellis Isla; but they opted not to due to the fact it sounded too close to Ellis Island.

She has 4 blackbelts (karate, taekwondo, jiujitsu, krav maga); so don’t piss her off.

She can swim; but she’s honestly not a fan of water. Despite growing up in California, she doesn’t like the ocean.

She doesn’t like the taste of alcohol; so she doesn’t drink. If you ever see her drinking, she’s probably in a really bad place.

She can do a spot-on impression of Aqua from Kingdom Hearts and a pretty decent impression of Stitch. 

She loves stuffed animals. Her bed is covered in them. Her favorites are Batbear, Stitch, Toad, and a sushi roll with a face. Batbear is like her security blanket.

She does have her driver’s license; but she doesn’t have a car in Crownsville. She has her red Ducati; but Uber is still her preferred mode of transportation. 

She was born a month and a half prematurely. Her due date was February 14th. 

Because of her CF, she has a feeding tube (g-tube) that’s normally hidden under her clothing. She also does several daily treatments (nebulizers, vibrating vest) to combat her symptoms as well as takes pancreatic enzymes before each meal.

She wears a medical ID bracelet that states she has CF and that she’s allergic to latex, penicillin, and prednisone. It’s not noticeable as an ID bracelet unless one really looks at it.

She has saved two people from getting hit by cars by pushing them out of the way and taking their place. The first time, she was 15. The second time, she was 23.

[trigger warning] She is actually unable to have children of her own; but she doesn’t actually know this yet. could be potential plot-line if anyone is ever interested

Wanted Connections

Older Brother  —  This is pretty self explanatory. Elly has an older brother; and this connection is for him. I picture him being roughly ten years older than she is (give or take a few years) and being in Crownsville for reasons UTP. His faceclaim and name are also UTP (though I gotta admit my bias towards Stephen Amell or Colin Donnell FCs). OPEN (0/1)

Father  — Elly’s father is a thriller screenwriter and director by the name of Chandler Munro. I think it might be cool if he showed up in Crownsville for whatever reason. He could be filming a movie in the small town or just coming to catch up with his children. I would like his FC to be John Barrowman; though I am open to discuss others. OPEN (0/1)

Extended Family  — Maybe for some reason, one of Elly’s extended family members (most likely a cousin from England) comes to visit her in Crownsville and ends up staying for awhile. OPEN (0/?)

College Friend  — This connection is for the friend with whom Elly went home for the holidays with one year while attending the University of Miami. This friend lived in Crownsville and is part of the reason Elly lives there now. Everything about this friend is UTP: name, age, gender, faceclaim, etc. I’m not picky; though I would love for them to have stayed friends. TAKEN (1/1)

Childhood Friends  — This is for any friends of Elly’s from back when she lived in Los Angeles. She could’ve known them back in elementary, middle, or high school. They could’ve lost touch and then met up again in Crownsville or stayed friends since they first met. OPEN (0/?)

Roommate — Upon first coming to Crownsville, Elly got herself a decent sized apartment downtown. I would love for her to have a roommate she shares this apartment (and its rent) with. TAKEN (1/1)

Ex-Roommate  — This was a previous roommate of Elly’s. This individual stopped being her roommate for reasons open to discussion. OPEN (0/2)

Ride or Die  — Give me a ride or die bestie for Elly please. I have no preference for gender, age, how they met... Everything would be discussed upon inquiry. I just want her to have that one person she’d do anything for. OPEN (1/2)

Nurse Friend(s)  — Elly is kind of a wild one. With her hobbies and desire to be on American Ninja Warrior, she has quite the tendency to get injured. She could definitely use some friends with medical training to help her out from time to time. OPEN (1/?)

Doctors  — Since Elly has CF, she does spend a good amount of time at doctors offices. This connection would be for any of the doctors who treat her; though I mostly would love to see her pulmonologist. OPEN (0/?)·         

Red Band Society  — This is for anyone else dealing with any type of medical condition. Elly and these individuals have formed a sort of support system for one another. OPEN (1/?)

Ex-Boyfriend(s)  — Again, this is super self explanatory. Elly and this guy (or guys if I decide to make her have more than one ex) used to date. And now they’re not. Why they broke up and all the details of their relationship would be discussed upon inquiry. They could either be total enemies now or still be cordial. OPEN (0/3)

Friends With Benefits — I feel like most of my wanted connections are self explanatory. This is your standard friends with benefits connection and plotline. It could have the potential to turn into something or just stay FWB. OPEN (1/2)

Straight Until Prove Bi  — As of now, Elly identifies as straight; but I am not against her having an experience with another girl. OPEN (0/1)

Future Love Interest  — Self explanatory. At some point in the future, Elly is gonna end up in another relationship. This is mostly open to males; but I would not object to a female if the chemistry was there. OPEN (0/1)

Workout/Sparring Buddies — Elly spends a lot of her free time working out; and it’d be great for her to have someone she can work out with. Whether it be at the gym, while kickboxing, or even while doing parkour, a friend can make a workout so much less boring and routine. OPEN (0/?)

Stylist  — Elly has been very much a tomboy since she was small. This connection would be for the individual in Crownsville who attempts to give her a makeover and make her more “girly”. TAKEN (1/1)

Tattoo Artist  — Elly loves tattoos and is working on obtaining quite the collection. This individual is the one who has done most of hers and is the one she’d go back to when she’s ready to get her next tattoo. OPEN (0/2)

Fans of Chandler Munro — Like stated in her little backstory, Elly’s father (Chandler Munro) is a thriller movie director and screenwriter. I’d like if there was someone who was a big fan of her father’s films and tried to use Elly to get autographs, spoilers of upcoming movies, a small role in an upcoming movie, etc. OPEN (0/?)

General Friends, Frienemies, Co-Workers, Neighbors, etc. 

More to come...

click here for Elly’s stats page

[limitededitionsanderssidesblog]

The Stacks - Chapter 2

Ships: Eventual logicality and prinxiety, slow burn

Summary:  In this society there is a place where the poor and unwanted are placed and kept hidden away from everyone else, where poverty and crime are a frequent and life shines for no one. Stacked up high in the sky, this is the furthest anyone living there will ever reach. When a Depression consumes the land, and the government fails to bring an end to it, society turns even further on the residents of the Stacks, accusing them for bringing the rest of them down. What no one knows, however, is that it'll take the work of four unlikely people to not only bring an end to the poverty, but also to this inequality.

Chapter One Next AO3 - Here

Patton still remembers the very first day he met Virgil. He had been seventeen years of age and working in a bakery in the higher, low end of the city in district thirteen, just before the Stacks. He was living alone in an abandoned school bus, where he was still living today. After one of his workshifts had ended he had come home to find an eleven year old boy hiding under one of the seats. He wore a dirty pair of overalls covered in holes and no shirt or shoes.

When Patton tried to get close to him he hissed and crawled further away under the seats. There was something almost feral about the boy, as if he had been raised by animals rather than humans. It had taken several days, but Patton was eventually able to get him out from under the seats and fed him some old stale bread, with the moldy bits ripped off.

It turned out that the local gang had been after him for not paying his safety fees and he had ran away and hid to avoid them. Wanting to help, Patton gave the money to Virgil to help him clear his debt, which had been his entire paycheck.

From there on Patton had decided to take the young boy under his wing and sort of adopt him in a way. Right away he knew that Virgil had been without his parents for some time, how long Patton wouldn’t know for years to come, so he decided to take their place as his parental figure. Patton stitched and patched up Virgil's overalls, washing them as well. When he had gotten the money, he took him out to buy the first shirt he had owned in years. Seeing the joy of a child for something so simple as a piece of clothing warmed his heart beyond comparison. From then on Patton had made it his mission from then on to give Virgil a good life, one without wanting and hardship.

He got a second job and worked tiring hours, exhausting himself from the labor, but he didn’t give in. Patton was constantly looking for an apartment or studio home, nothing to fancy, but a home that a good future could be built upon. For months he had his eyes on a small one bedroom and bathroom apartment for sale in the tenth district. There was a school close by where Virgil could attend, a small park was three blocks away where he could play, it was perfect. After saving his money for years locked under a floorboard in the bus, hidden by a newspaper carpet, as robberies were practically a daily frequent in the Stacks, Patton had raised up enough money to buy the place.

Then the Depression hit.

Prices everywhere skyrocketed. A loaf of bread became four times the price it once had been. Because of this the gangs raised their prices as well. Patton had drained practically all of his savings in a matter of months, and the apartment was long out of his reach. The bakery where he used to work went out of business, and Patton was left with only one job that was only able to feed him one meal a day after taxes and gang payments were taken care of.

The life that was once just within arms reach, was now a whole world apart. Yet, Virgil didn’t seem to mind that they couldn’t get the apartment and was happy to live with him in that rusty, old bus. Patton was never able to tell if he was just being strong for him, or if he actually was okay with it.

However, hearing the words that he had spoken last night, Patton knew that he wasn’t okay with it.

Coming back to his bus, the rows of seats long since removed and sold for a little extra cash, Patton noticed that the twins were already asleep, so he simply put their food down on a small three-legged table, and went to sleep himself. Virgil had gone straight to his own crate once they had arrived, taking his food from Patton with a smile and a thank you. He had moved out from the bus two years ago, claiming he wanted to give Patton his space, but he doubted that was the real reason.

After Virgil had left him alone in the school bus, Patton had decided to adopt these twins when their father had been wrongly put in prison for an accused crime he never committed. He hadn’t know their father all that well, but he knew for a fact that he would never kill someone. So until he got out, he would take care of the boys. If he ever got out.

…

Once again he had taken another hounding at the latest press conference by the reporters who held little faith in him and his abilities, and demanded he create change practically overnight. But from what Logan had learned from his years in politics is that no resolutions is so easily made. The election that had won him the seat as senator had been a close one, and a near fifty percent of the province still didn’t believe someone so young could do anything for them. In spite of that, the depression had been raging for almost four years with no sign of ending, in fact it had been growing under the policies of a government composed almost completely by older people who have never face an economic downturn in their lives. All they had ever known was strict rules and prosperity, and now, because of their fixed mindset, they were driving the nation into the ground.

The fact that he had replaced much of his staff with young minds had upset many of the other senators and position holders. Many of his colleagues saw him as too radical, but he was determined to make a difference, starting in his province. As long as he didn’t give them a firm reason to remove him from office, he’ll take any necessary steps to fix this situation.

Logan worked behind his desk for hours, trying to find ways to bring down the jobless rate, looking through proposed bills and deciding whether or not to bring them before the senate. Many of the bills were a fool’s dream, unrealistic and improbable, yet some had promise.

“Sir?” A voice called through his desk speaker. Logan pushed the red button on the device down to respond.

“Yes, Johnathan?”

“You’re new head of security has arrived in the lobby. Would you like me to show him to his office?” His secretary asked.

“No, no, I shall do it myself.” He said to the machine, standing from his chair. “Notify him that I’m on my way down.”

“Yes, sir.”

It had been a long two weeks, what with transfering Roman from the police over to his office building, dismissing the old head of security, and dealing with backfire from the media for doing so. He could use a minute to step out for a bit.

Escaping his suffocating office, Logan strode down to the bottom floor secretary’s desk, where Roman had been waiting with a large cardboard box of personal items. Unless Logan was hallucinating, the box looked awfully a lot like the one clockmaker had thrown at him.

As he walked over, the regal, former, cop raised his head at the sound of footsteps and stood to greet him.

“Welcome Roman, I trust you have everything you need?” Logan said to him.

“Yep, and more!” Roman responded with a large goofy grin, taking a small, rubber stress toy out of the box and giving it a light squeeze, causing it to squeak. Logan rolled his eyes and turned to the elevators to take them up to where the awaiting office was located a floor below his.

Ever since college, Roman has had the eccentricity and energy of an adolescent. With Roman being a first year studying for a Criminology major and Logan being a third year with an almost complete Social Science and Economics major when they first met, he had found his behavior to be unusual and had expected it to just be a phase of excitement for his entry into University. Nevertheless, throughout the rest of their college experience together, and their friendship away from work, Roman had always been like this.

However, that is not all there was to the man. Logan has witnessed first hand the professional side of Roman. He is determined and relentless when presented with a case. Roman’s skills and resources far out match even his own, and if rubbed the wrong way, Roman could be a troublesome foe. These are the qualities that were needed in the city right now. The crime rate of the capital city was at an all time high, and the second highest in the nation. Their province have been the laughing stock in the Senate for years and the police force has been labeled as incompetent. It was Logan’s job, now Roman’s, to turn that around.

Arriving on the fourth floor Logan walked out into a large, opened hallway, five half-glass offices on each side, with ten half moon desks in the center outside each door. The senator led his friend and new colleague to the third office down on the right.

“This,” He waved his arm around the room, bringing him in, “Is your new office.” The room was already furnish with a large, executive desk and armchair, a smaller chair to the side, a wide filing cabinet, and bookshelf. The only thing left for Roman to do was unpack, settle in, and get to work.

“To your left is the Secretary of the Province, Brian Lee, to the right is Treasurer Selene Carter, and your personal assistant,” Logan gestured to the woman at the desk outside the office, “Is Diana Meyers.” Roman nodded along and peered around the room, admiring the open space and glass walls with it’s blinds drawn for privacy. “I gave your assistant all the important files you’ll be needing left over from the last head of security, they’ll deliver them to you when you’ve settled in.” Roman tread over to his new desk to set down his box of personals, seemingly getting comfortable, “If that’s all, then I shall take my leave-”

“Logan.” Roman spoke up, turning back to face his new superior, and old friend. “Thank you, for this I mean.”

Logan loosed for a moment, letting go of his serious composure and allowing himself to relax. He flashed Roman a nod and a smile, saying “You’re very welcome.”, before turning to head back to his own office, leaving Roman to unpack his belongings and start work whenever he’s ready and able.

As he walked back to the elevators and further, several other officers and lower workers greeted him and paid their respects. Offering compliments or offers of assistance.

Shortly after becoming the senator for the province of Flor, Logan had learned that this would be a nearly everyday occurance. Many, but not all, co-workers, colleagues, and subordinates would kiss up to him in hope of a raise, promotion, or good faith. Often times Logan wouldn’t know who he could truly put his trust in, who was being earnest with him or who was being fake. It seems that the more influence one has, the more they tend to become used. Logan needed someone he could trust, Roman was a start, but it wasn’t enough yet.

“Sir, your butler just called,” Johnathan announced as he walked past the secretary’s desk, “He wanted to let you know that your advertisement for a new personal chef was successfully placed in the newspaper.”

“Thank you, Johnathan, keep up the work.” He replied stoically and entered his office, closing the door behind him.

The piles of paper worked stood menacingly on his desk, appearing to have grown during his short breather. With a tired sigh and a grimace, Logan sat down in his leather seat and got back into the toil, working late again as usual.

…

The city streets of the eleventh district were buzzing as usual with heavy machinery and labor, as it was the main industrial district of the city. Rock was being cut, wood was being chopped, metal was being melted down; all the heavy types of industry were hard at work making noise. Of all the fourteen districts of Flor’s capital, Fauna, the eleventh was the best place to find, or steal, scrap metal and material for his clocks.

Currently, Virgil was dumpster diving outside a silver and steel manufacturing lot, finding nuts and bolts that he could make use of. This had been a common thing for him to do ever since he was little. Granted, it was searching for food that he used to climb into trash cans, but the thousands of repeated dives in the garbage nulled his disgust for it a long time ago. Besides, everything was free here.

Whilst digging through the thrown away trash he found a handle sticking out from a torn bag. Pulling the handle out, Virgil was delighted to find a professionally made power saw with a broken cord. If he could get the right supplies he could probably fix the broken cord.

“Hey! Get outta here!” A booming voice roared over the sound of machines. Whipping his head up, Virgil saw a security guard running his way.

Ripping his backpack open and shoving the saw inside, Virgil climbed out the dumpster and bolted away, the security guard hot on his heels. Trying to make his escape he lead them into an alley where he knew a sewer opening was hidden under a pile of empty beer bottles. Once there, he pushed the bottles to the side, and jumped down into the colverless manhole, pulling a nearby trash bag over to hide the sewer opening. Virgil made sure not to make a noise until he heard the security guard leave.

Footsteps came into the alley before halting to a stop, there was some pacing before the footsteps started to retreat.

“Filthy dumpster rat.” The man cursed as he left.

Virgil waited a few moments more before climbing up the ladder, peeking his head out to scan the area before he crawled out completely. With one last look around Virgil left the alley and headed down the street.

That wasn’t the first time he had gotten in trouble with the security, and it most certainly won’t be the last. People around here didn’t like scavengers roaming around in their trash and would often chase them away with a metaphorical broom.

But at least it was safer to do so in this district than the other ones. The twelfth and eleventh districts were the closest to the Stacks, the fourteenth district, and therefore weren’t as funded as the others, making their security and police force easier to get around. But the closer you get to the city center, and the further from the Stacks, the police force is doubled, then tripled, and you can get arrested just for looking at a rich man wrong. Virgil once spent the night in jail for ‘causing’ a man in a hurry to drop his briefcase and spill his papers.

That’s just what life was like for those who came from the Stacks, and you could always tell when someone did. Stackers all had a distinct look: dirt poor. If you had holes in your clothes, dirt caked on your skin, old worn out shoes, or no shoes at all, it was a safe bet to say where you came from. However, out of all that, there was another trait that was more noticeable than all the rest: a loss of hope. In the eyes of all its residents there was familiar look that was held in each one, no matter if it was covered, denied, or accepted, that look came from a knowledge that there was no way out. The depression may have struck the nation three years ago, but it had been thriving in the Stacks since their creation.

The original economical idea for the Stacks was to move poverty into a singular, concentrated area with a small percentage of the population to keep it there. But as the years passed, that percentage began to grow beyond its initial barriers by building upwards, and the depression began to spread as an infecting virus. Now, because this abomination made to fix the economy was now breaking it, the rest of society turned on the stackers as the cause for their damnation.

Virgil had been born fifty years after its creation and was now living through the rear ass of the worst economic crisis in recorded history, yet is treated as less than a person by those whose only suffering was a smaller paycheck.

The police force were especially harder on his kind, but only when they’re caught in the center of the city. Another main function of the Stacks was to hold the majority of crime so that the upper ends could sleep better at night, while he has to use five bolted locks on the doors of his crate just to avoid being robbed or killed in plain daylight. A crime such as stealing a loaf of bread could earn you a year in prison if it’s done in the city, but murder is completely overlooked in his backyard. Who knows how long Virgil would have been behind bars if that shit eating cop caught him for operating a stand without a license.

This is the sort of injustice he had to live through on a daily basis simply because he was born on the wrong side of the tracks. The new senator elected last year promised change for all as his slogan, but Virgil knew what he truly meant. He, just as all the others, would help and listen to only the rich fucks of the city, leaving Stack rats such as himself to beg for their scraps. The government didn’t care for them, and there was no way the officials would allow any of them leave their hell. That’s just the way the system worked and that’s how it’d stay. No one was brave enough to try and change it.

.

.

Tag List:

@shaeshaetheravenclaw

[andrebearakovsky]

This Week in Caps: Week 15

Welcome to This Week in Caps, a weekly newsletter where I recap everything important that’s been going on in the world of the Washington Capitals this past week.

This Week’s Games

01/08/2019 vs Philadelphia Flyers, W 5-3

The season is past its halfway time, and it’s the first meeting of the year with the division rival Flyers. Pheonix Copley got the home start, and the Caps broke out their retro thirds. Also, no Nicklas Backstrom in this one, as he was out with illness.

Four minutes into the game, the Caps got the party started. Off a faceoff, Jakub Vrana used his speed and carried the puck all the way down the ice and pass the puck in front of the net for a crashing Tom Wilson, who sent it in for a 1-0 lead. Five minutes later, the Flyers picked off an errant pass and Jakub Voracek scored, tying the game 1-1.

The game stayed tied from then until about halfway through the second period, when the Caps got their scoring legs going. T.J. Oshie redirected a Lars Eller point shot for the 2-1 lead. Two minutes later, Vrana ripped off the puck from a Flyer in the Caps zone and turned on the jets, taking it in alone on a breakaway and scoring over the goalie’s shoulder to make it 3-1. Four minutes later, Vrana scored again, this time on the power play. He meant to pass the puck through the crease, but instead it hit the goalie’s pads and banked in, and the Caps were up 4-1.

Things started to get weird and wacky in the third. It started off with a fight, just two minutes in. Nic Dowd got hit hard by Radko Gudas, and Devante Smith-Pelly did not take kindly to the roughhousing of his linemate. He asked Gudas to tussel, Gudas complied, and the two of them had a heavyweight bought. Both were sent off for fighting, though Smith-Pelly got the extra roughing minor that had to be served by Andre Burakovsky. Things got really wacky in the last five minutes of the game. The Flyers pulled their goalie with three and a half minutes left, and Wayne Simmonds scored in front on a goal that slipped between Copley’s legs to make it 4-2. Chaos ensued when both sides could not stop committing penalties and the Caps could not score on the empty net; they kept trying to pass it to Vrana for the hat trick, but he just couldn’t bury it. Wilson looked to have an empty-netter, but it was called back on an offsides challenge. Eventually, the Flyers got one more goal on their ledger — during four-on-four play with just seven seconds left in the game, Claude Giroux ripped a one-timer to make it 4-3. But Oshie scored an empty-netter off the ensuing faceoff to send the Caps home with a 5-3 win.

The Caps were outshot 40-25 and got wrecked on faceoffs, only winning 29.7%. They were 1/4 on power play chances, while the Flyers went 0/5 on theirs. Copley saved 37/40 shots.

Jakub Vrana had possibly the best game of his life, tallying three points and almost getting the hat trick. The lack of power play effectiveness and the small amount of shots is a little concerning, and the last five minutes of the game felt a little Yakety Sax, but it was an entertaining game nonetheless.

01/10/2019 @ Boston Bruins, W 4-2

No team has had another team’s number over the past couple years like the Caps have had the Bruins’ — coming into the game, the Caps had won thirteen straight against Boston, and they hoped to keep the streak alive in this one.

Despite taking a penalty less than two minutes into the game, the Caps were the ones to score first. Six minutes in, T.J. Oshie sprung Jakub Vrana on a breakaway, and he scored to make it 1-0 Caps. But the Bruins kept it tight all throughout the first and most of the second, until they finally broke through. At the fourteen minute mark of the second, Ryan Donato ripped home a wrist shot from the circle to tie the game, 1-1. But the Caps would respond less than a minute later; Tom Wilson passed it to Alex Ovechkin from behind the net, and Ovechkin sent it home lightning-quick to restore the Caps’ lead and make it 2-1.

The Bruins kept coming, and four minutes into the third period, the Caps gave them the opportunity to get back into it score-wise. The Caps took a too many men penalty, and David Krejci scored on a slapshot on the ensuing power play to tie the game, 2-2. But again, the Caps responded within a minute. Nicklas Backstrom drove into the zone and fired home a wrist shot to give the Caps a 3-2 lead. The game was played tight the rest of the way, and Ovechkin eventually scored an empty-netter to secure the Caps’ 4-2 win.

The Caps were outshot 41-22 and were badly beaten on faceoffs, only winning 34.4%. They went 0/2 on power play chances, and the Bruins went 1/5 on theirs. Holtby saved 39/41 shots.

The Caps’ dominance of the Bruins continues, winning their 14th in a row. The game was a little chippy, as Lars Eller did try to fight Brad Marchand in retaliation to Marchand’s punching him on opening night, but Marchand wouldn’t take the fight. The Caps also had the territorial disadvantage, and that hopefully changes in the coming games.

01/12/2018 vs Columbus Blue Jackets, L 1-2 (OT)

It was a snowy night in DC, and time for another divisional matchup against the Blue Jackets. Get ready, because this was a frustrating and weird one.

The Blue Jackets got on the board first and early; just a minute into the game, Cam Atkinson scored on a breakaway and gave the Jackets a 1-0 lead. Later in the period, it was revealed that Alex Ovechkin was not on the bench and ended up missing about half of the period, though he did return for the second and had no problems for the rest of the game.

But just after one injury scare, there was a second, this one more serious. With about eleven minutes left in the second period, Atkinson high-sticked Braden Holtby through his mask in the eye, and Holtby looked to be in discomfort. He would have to leave the game, being replaced by Pheonix Copley; he did not return for the rest of the game.

The game passed by with some frustrating and chippy play; nothing much of note happened for a majority of the game. Each team got a penalty in the first period, and each team got a penalty in the second (which included about a minute of four-on-four), and nothing came of any of the power plays. In fact, it wasn’t until very late in the game that the Caps seemed to have any life at all. With the goalie pulled, they got to work, and with just over a minute left in the game, Evgeny Kuznetsov let loose a booming slapshot to tie the game 1-1.

This matchup would require overtime. Things were relatively even for most of the overtime session, until Nicklas Backstrom committed a slashing penalty to give the Jackets a power play. Artemi Panarin scored just twelve seconds later to give the Jackets a 2-1 overtime win.

The Caps outshot the Blue Jackets 33-22 and had the faceoff advantage at 52.6%. The Caps went 0/2 on the power play, and the Jackets went 1/3 on theirs. Holtby made 10/11 saves, and Copley made 10/11 saves in relief.

This game was a little bit of a mess, and the Caps never seemed 100% together; getting out with a point felt like more than they deserved. But the biggest concern is Holtby’s health; it’s not looking to be a huge injury, but we’ll know more in the coming days.

Current record: 27-12-5

What’s Going on in the World of the Caps

Injuries!

One of the defining features of the game against the Blue Jackets was the multitude of injuries. They weren’t serious, but definitely noteworthy. During the first period, Alex Ovechkin left the game due to apparent injury; it was originally reported as an equipment issue, but it was later cleared up that Ovechkin had a cut on his hand that needed to be sutured. But he returned for the second period and there is no lasting injury. On the other hand, Braden Holtby was high-sticked in the eye by Cam Atkinson about halfway through the second period, and he had to be replaced by Pheonix Copley, and he did not return to the game. Holtby did practice the next morning and said that his vision had greatly improved. The Caps do not believe they will need to call up another goalie. And in completely unrelated news, another minor bit of progress: Christian Djoos skated at practice on Sunday morning; a good sign, but there is still no timetable for his return.

Commercials Galore

This week was, apparently, the week for Caps commercials to come out. First, Alex Ovechkin starred in three commercials for Papa John’s Russia (pizza is here!). Then, Braden Holtby starred in a new Koons commercial where he stares at national monuments (he has actually done commercials for Koons before, seen in the link). And finally, Andre Burakovsky and Devante Smith-Pelly were the latest to be sucked into Paisanos, and they were the stars of the newest Paisano’s commercial. (Ovi, Holtby, Burky & DSP)

Connolly Tattoo

After getting enough retweets on Twitter, a Caps fan is getting a tattoo of Brett Connolly eating pizza and getting a tattoo. Connolly is aware of this, and Devante Smith-Pelly contributed to one of the retweets. In fact, DSP wants this to happen so badly that he said he’d be willing to be there and even pay for it to see it through. Connolly’s wife Katrina even commented on the situation, calling it a #ProudWife moment. (1, 2)

Other Miscellaneous Happenings

Copley does jumping jacks with kids from Hendley Elementary School

Oshie, Burakovsky, and Wilson bowl with fans (1, 2)

Time to cry over Jay Beagle again

Capitals invite youth hockey team to game for standing up to racism

Ovi checks Chara into the Caps bench

Ovi parties, makes DJ’s night

Orlov screams at BFF Bobrovsky

Vrana flosses

Pregame shenanigans

Upcoming Events

On January 14 against the St. Louis Blues, there will be a winter glove giveaway

On January 18, the Caps Better Halves Baskets go on sale

Player of the Week

Jakub Vrana had another very strong week, and his game against the Flyers was one of the best of his career. Over the three games this week, he tallied 4 points (2 G, 2 A), with three of them coming in the aforementioned game, and his speed was on constant display and made him a consistent scoring threat.

Social Media Post of the Week

Gina posted a really long and heartfelt message for John’s birthday, along with about a dozen photos, but I’m not going to copy and paste that here nor attach all the photos; you can follow the link and read it if you like. I’m just going to thank her for this incredibly embarrassing photo of John. (x)

Stars of the Night Season Leaderboard

Over the course of the season, I will be keeping track of the Caps stars of the night, translating them into points, and organizing them into a leaderboard.

1st star = 5 pts, 2nd star = 3 pts, 3rd star = 1 pt

1. Holtby — 42 2. Ovechkin — 39 3. Kuznetsov — 20 4. Backstrom — 19 5. Carlson — 17 6. Wilson — 13 T-7. Burakovsky — 11 T-7. Copley — 11 T-7. Kempny — 11 10. Vrana — 8 11. Oshie — 7 T-12. Connolly — 6 T-12. Orlov — 6 14. Lewington — 5 T-15. Niskanen — 3 T-15. Smith-Pelly — 3 T-17. Boyd — 2 T-17. Eller — 2 19. Stephenson — 1

Achieved and Upcoming Milestones

T.J. Oshie scored his 200th career NHL goal on 01/08/19 vs the Philadelphia Flyers

Nicklas Backstrom is 1 power play goal away from taking sole possession of 5th in Caps history in power play goals

John Carlson is 2 power play goals away from being tied for 7th in Caps history in power play goals among defensemen (25)

Brooks Orpik is 1 game away from 1000 career games played

Jonas Siegenthaler is searching for his first NHL goal

Next Week’s Upcoming Games

01/14/18 vs St. Louis Blues (7 PM) 01/15/18 @ Nashville Predators (8 PM) 01/18/18 vs New York Islanders (7:30 PM) 01/20/18 @ Chicago Blackhawks (12:30 PM)

[beatricethecat2]

if/then (2.0) - 16

I'm releasing this into the world so I'll stop fiddling with it and I think the gist is there. It's a bit of a rollercoaster with lots of dialog, but more than a few things are revealed, so yay! and finally! There are a few more chapters coming up than I thought, because it's going to take awhile to unravel all of Helena's mysteries. Typos abound, I will fix later. (edited 8/28) Thanks for reading!

Previously: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15

////////////////////

Lowered voices and metallic rumblings nudge Myka from her well-earned sleep, but the high-pitched giggle of a giddy child rouses her for good.

“What are you watching?” Myka asks, hiking herself up to eye level, spying Helena and Christina huddled at the table.

“The finest in feline entertainment,” Helena says, angling her eyes toward Myka. "Sorry to wake you.”

“That’s ok. It’s been…” Myka turns and plucks her phone off the coffee table. “Wow, three hours.”

“You were exhausted.”

“Where's Claudia?”

“Comatose in the bedroom.”

“And the cooking?”

“We’re basting,” Christina answers, not looking up from the screen.

“Soon, there’ll be much more to prepare.”

“I'll help,” Myka says.

“Mom, look!”

Helena glances at the phone then brushes Christina's hair from her face, eyes shifting back when Christina lets out another hardy giggle. Christina leans into her mother, and Helena hugs her close, both chuckling at whatever’s happening on the screen.

The sound’s a reassuring reminder of simpler days, before the weight of the world crushed Myka's resolve. She sinks back into the couch, maybe there's hope for them yet, once Helena comes clean and their feet finally touch the ground.

Their day began early, with Helena rushing off for her bags, then a hurried trip to catch their red-eye to London. They were seated promptly on the plane, but after an announcement of a delay, Helena unclasped her seat belt and abruptly stood. Myka caught her arm and eased her down as the flight attendant scuttled over. She insisted they’d be moving shortly, but Helena fidgeted, overly worried they’d miss Christina and Claudia's arrival at the airport.

Their meet up went smoothly, thankfully, with jubilant hugs all around and they were soon whizzing in a black cab toward London. Claudia curled up in a corner while Christina and Helena cuddled nearby and Myka lounged in the jump seat across from them. As she sank into her seat, the weight of the last month fell off in waves; their next few days should be comparatively easygoing.

Once they hit the inner city, the driver twisted and turned, so much so Myka swore they were going in circles. When the car pulled up to the curb, there was a collective groan; they'd all conformed to their seats and were unwilling to move again. But they tumbled out of the cab and dragged their bags across the pavement, hauling them up a set of stairs and promptly dumping them inside.

“So this is it,” Claudia said. “Chez H.G.”

“This room and the next,” Helena replied, as Claudia poked her head in the bedroom.

“Not bad,” Claudia said, ducking into the kitchen then the bathroom. “Hey look, everything’s where it’s supposed to be.”

“For your convenience,” Helena quipped. “Obviously."

“It’s pretty small," Claudia said.

“It is only me here.”

“I got dibs on a shower.”

“I believe we all desire one.”

“I took one this morning after you…” Myka started, but Helena lowered her brow in caution. “...you went to get breakfast."

“I don’t wanna know,” Claudia said, waving a hand. "But I’ve been on kid duty for forever, so I get first dibs on whatever I want.”

“Claudia’s right,” Myka said.

“Very well,” Helena said. “I’ll begin preparations for the Great American Feast. Who’s with me?”

“Me!” Christina said, raising her hand and jumping up and down.

“And me. As long as I last,” Myka said.

Myka didn't last for long.

Claudia walks in yawning soon after Myka wakes, and as she joins in the preparations, their muscle memory of co-habituating flexes full force. It’s not unlike Helena’s old apartment, their bodies navigating around each other on instinct, but instead of a low coffee table, they’re eating at regulation height.

During dinner, Christina describes every dish's preparation, including where she found the recipe and how many times they’ve made it before.

“Our first foray into brussel sprouts precipitated Christina's front tooth's extraction,” Helena states.

“I thought it was the stuffing,” Claudia says.

“It was the nuts in the green beans!” Christina corrects.

“Almonds,” Helena recollects. “Damn that Martha Stewart."

Christina describes the event jubilantly, and all present agree with her account.

This prompts a flurry of anecdotes detailing previous Thanksgivings, everyone interrupting everyone else with corrections as they go. Myka sits back and listens, completely enthralled, as here's the backstory she’s always craved from them. It’s too bad it’s when she’s at odds with Helena, but she enjoys their tales nonetheless.

Once they're stuffed to the gills with turkey and pie, they crowd on the couch and cue up a movie. Myka nods off after the beginning credits roll and when she wakes, only Claudia remains, sleeping.

Myka finds Helena and Christina asleep, curled up together in Helena’s bedroom. She slides under the covers, gently, and shimmies close—a tight fit, but ultimately manageable—then smiles at the serenity on Helena's face. She reaches out, brushing a lock of hair away from Helena's eye, then skims her hand towards her, across Helena’s cheek and down to trace her jaw.

Helena blinks awake and as she focuses, returns Myka's smile in earnest.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Myka whispers.

“It’s alright. We should talk.”

“Tomorrow. Rest.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yeah, goodnight.” Myka glances at Christina, still blissfully asleep in her mother’s arms, then closes her eyes.

---------------

Helena's phone rings the minute they leave the flat for lunch.

“Go on ahead,” she says, frowning at the screen.

“We can wait,” Myka says, chancing a glance at the caller, but the display reads “unknown."

“This may take a minute. I’ll join you shortly," Helena says, tapping accept and lifting the device to her ear.

“Babezilla, you think?” Claudia says as Helena walks back inside. “I thought she was in the clear."

“Me too," Myka says, looking in Helena’s direction warily. "I guess she’s never really off the clock.”

After the sale, Helena was vague about her involvement closing the deal and hadn't spoken much about the bar or school. But it's odd, her wandering off with Christina physically here, as she’d want to spend every single second possible in her presence. Whoever is calling must be delivering sensitive news, but she’ll suspend her suspicions until later.

When Helena joins them at the cafe, she claims the call wasn't that important, but as the day progresses, Myka doubts that's true. Helena won't look her in the eye and keeps Christina close, making it impossible to ask probing questions. She thought she’d be more forthcoming once Claudia left to meet with friends, but instead, she suggests visiting a row of market stalls. This thrills Christina to no end and they look up recipes while shopping, until Helena’s phone rings again. She instructs them to go on without her, handing Myka her keys and walking off in the direction they came from.

“Is mom ok?” Christina asks, looking as worried as Myka's feeling.

“I think it’s just work. It was hard for her to get time off.”

“Ok,” Christina says, sounding unconvinced. “We need milk to make dessert.”

“There's a store on our way. We’ll stop there,” Myka says. As Helena disappears around a corner, she places a hand on Christina’s shoulder and guides her toward the flat.

Ten minutes after their arrival, the buzzer rings. "Hello again," Helena greets as Myka opens the door. She kisses Myka on the cheek, then strides towards the kitchen with nary a word about the call.

Helena dotes over Christina and it's a heartening sight, but Myka can’t shake the feeling something’s terribly wrong. She’s surprised when Helena suggests they tuck in Christina early. They tell her stories until Christina's eyes droop and close.

“Wine?” Helena suggests as they tiptoe into the living room.

“Yeah, sure,” Myka answers, following Helena into the kitchen.

“Perhaps this economically priced Malbec will suffice for the evening since it’s all that’s left after last night.” Helena sets the bottle on the counter and rifles through a drawer, then opens another and repeats the action. When she consults a third with no result, Myka opens the first and plucks out a wine opener.

“Are you ok?” Myka says, flipping the knife open and sliding the bottle towards her. She scores the wrapping, then peels it off.

“I’ve been better,” Helena says, taking two wine glasses from a cabinet.

“What’s up with all the calls?” Myka asks, screwing the corkscrew in and pushing the lever down.

“Things best discussed while sitting,” Helena answers.

Myka up lifts the cork and when it pops, Helena snatches the bottle out from under it. She pours a generous portion and hands the glass to Myka. "Have a seat, and I’ll join you shortly.”

Myka grimaces as she walks, sitting down means bad news. She circles the couch and sits, looking over her shoulder to check if Helena’s following.

Helena downs an entire glass and pours herself another, then joins Myka, but sits at a distance. She folds her hands over her lap and straightens her spine as if readying for a presentation.

“Thank you for joining us for Thanksgiving. We had a lovely time.”

“It was nice. But that’s not what this is about."

“No.” Helena looks down at her hands, a thumb now scrubbing over her wrist. "We’ve been getting on rather well lately, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeah, mostly.”

“If you might recall that moving forward I’d be most appreciative.” Helena stills her thumb and clasps her hands together.

"What’s wrong?”

“I must inform you of something rather unpleasant.”

“Was that Bonnie on the phone?”

“I’m not at liberty to say."

“Is this about the appeal?” Myka scoots closer and places a hand over Helena’s.

“Not precisely. It’s something I’d hoped to avoid entirely, but I’m told there’s no alternative." Helena glances towards the bedroom, then back at Myka. “I apologize for the situation that we’re all about to be placed in."

“You’re scaring me a little,” Myka says, withdrawing her hand.

“I’m scared myself,” Helena says, unclasping her hands and laying them, palms down, on her knees. For a minute it looks like she might stand, but it’s just the way her body's tensing. "I won't mince words, but I do ask you remain civil once I've disclosed this information."

“Civil? This doesn't sound good.”

“It's not,” Helena says, fingers now curled around her knees. “I’m being taken in for questioning for transporting stolen goods over international borders. It’s likely you, and Mrs. Frederic will be questioned as well.”

Myka blinks several times, repeating the phrases in her mind until the depth of Helena's words sink in. “Questioned by who? And when?”

“By the police. As early as tomorrow."

Myka takes a moment to rationalize this. “Is this about the sale?"

“In a sense. Have you any idea what the “under the radar” item you offered was?”

“No."

“Are you certain?”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely certain.”

“Yes. Why?” Only a minute in and Helena’s already testing her patience.

“You must be unwavering in answer when questioned."

“I don’t know. You said you didn’t either.” A familiar anger wells up in Myka's chest. "I’m guessing that was a lie."

“I delivered it, for Mrs. Frederic.”

“To who? MacPherson?”

Helena’s eyes narrow, reading as if that wasn't the question she was expecting. “No. To Bonnie.”

“So the police think you stole it?”

“It was stolen goods in the first place. I was merely transporting it across borders.”

“You’re saying Mrs. Frederic stole it?”

“I have no knowledge of its acquisition. I was simply the courier in this situation."

Helena’s bláze tone works on Myka’s nerves but going off on her now will only make matters worse. If she’s honest, many of Mrs. Frederic's deals have questionable origins, though she does make an effort to reunite items with their owners. And her original offer, the Faberge egg, was technically stolen goods, but stolen a hundred years ago, which made it seem a non-issue.

The secrecy around this new item must mean it's very, very hot. Helena and Bonnie obviously knew that and pushed Mrs. Frederic to release it. But to get caught during delivery seems out of character for both of them. There must be a logic driving the decision.

“You’re framing Mrs. Frederic. You got caught on purpose,” Myka says, as it all comes into focus.

“Why would I do that? I’m already on probation. Do you think I never want to reunite with my child?”

“That’s not what I—"

“That bloody Sally blew the whistle. Bonnie was whispering in her ear for months. The police are gathering planted evidence as we speak."

“So Bonnie does work for MacPherson,” Myka mumbles, mostly to herself.

“Not that I’m aware of."

“That’s who was on the phone at the sale every time you left the room."

"How exactly would he call without raising suspicions? He's in jail."

“I don’t know. But ruining Mrs. Frederic’s reputation would be a priority for him.”

“Why would I, of all people, agree to help him?"

“Maybe it's your way out, permanently."

"I was out. This is on Emily. And there are numerous others invested in taking Mrs. Frederic down."

"Ok, say I believe you. Why are Emily and Bonnie railroading Mrs. Frederic?”

“Emily was delivering goods as contracted. Bonnie planned this escapade down to the minute. Apparently, my 'slip up of disastrous proportions’ was only to be executed as a desperate measure.”

“A-ha! So you did know. And you are framing Mrs. Frederic.”

“Keep your voice down,” Helena scolds and glances towards the bedroom.

"I know Bonnie's a cop. Or she used to be. And I know you've known her since undergrad,” Myka continues, undeterred.

Helena flinches back. "Where are you getting this?"

"You dated. She left you. You were crushed. And now you're working with her and probably sleeping with her, too.”

“I most certainly am not.”

“Do you want to be?” Myka’s hands ball into fists, it’s exhilarating to have thrown that jab. She wants to hit something, something Helena sized, and she just might, depending on the answer.

“Do you hear yourself? You’re utterly delusional."

“How would I know? You’ve spent more time with her than me."

“I understand you’re upset, but this is—”

“What do you want from me? Really, truly want?"

“I want this to be over so we can move forward as a family.”

“Ha! Right. With you in jail?”

“It wouldn't be for long."

"How could you know?"

"I've information to barter my freedom.”

“And if that doesn’t work and you’re sent away anyway? You’re just stringing me along to look after your kid.”

“You’ve never been obligated. Claudia can—"

A muffled whimper cuts Helena short. She flies off the couch towards the source and scoops Christina into her arms.

Myka remains on the couch as they disappear into the bedroom, sick to her stomach that Helena used her for personal gain. She didn't deny knowing Bonnie previously and she deny sleeping with her. Now that all of her worst fears have been confirmed, Helena's flat feels too small. There’s no way she can stay here tonight, she has to get out as soon as possible.

She strides into the bedroom to gather her things but is stopped short by Christina sobbing in Helena's arms.

“Myka hates me,” Christina blurts.

“She doesn’t hate you, love. Do you, Myka.”

“Of course I don’t,” Myka grunts, avoiding Helena's glower by grabbing her suitcase. “Your mom and I are having…issues, but I still love you.”

“But you said…you said that...that you didn’t want to take care of me anymore,” Christina manages, through sobs.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did. You never stay at Aunt Claudia’s.”

“I’ve been busy."

“What are you doing?” Helena asks.

“I'm leaving. I need to be anywhere but here.” Myka jams a pair of shorts into her suitcase and Christina sobs harder. “Just for tonight,” Myka amends, with a slightly less bite.

“She’ll be back,” Helena says, combing her fingers through Christina’s hair.

Myka grabs a smaller bag, one that will do for overnight, and transfers clothes into it.

“I don't want mom to go to jail.”

“That wasn’t meant for your ears,” Helena says.

“Knowing you, you will,” Myka grumbles at Helena.

Christina gasps and burrows her face into Helena’s chest. Helena shoots Myka a deathly glare.

“I-I need some things from the bathroom.”

Myka hurries out of the room, that was cruel but Helena pushed her, plus it's too late to take it back now. She shoves toiletries into her bag then pats her pockets, but doesn't find her phone. It must be in the living room, so she treads out to find it, but is dragged back in by the arm.

“Ow, you're hurting me!” Myka yelps as Helena herds her in. She tugs her arm free as Helena pushes the door closed.

“You must listen closely and do as I say, for I will not have you put away in my place.”

“Me, go to jail? I haven't done anything wrong!"

“That you’re aware of.”

“What did you do?”

“Not me. Mrs. Frederic.”

Myka scoffs. “Mrs. Frederic, right.”

“This is not a bluff.”

“It’s hard to tell with you.”

Helena’s eyes tighten; it’s clear she's in no mood for bickering.

“Fine. Go on."

“Before I continue, I must emphasize, you mustn’t mention your ‘theories' when questioned."

“What ‘theories'?"

“Bonnie working for the authorities and us colluding against Mrs. Frederic. Neither were 'in the heat of the moment' guesses, I presume.”

“No. But you said I was ‘delusional' and brushed me off.”

“What are you basing them on, exactly?”

“I don’t have to tell you.” Myka throws her nose into the air and crosses her arms over her chest.

“But you shall, after the state you’ve left my daughter in.”

Myka drops her arms. “Is she ok?”

“As well as to be expected after being shunned by someone she loves.”

“I was mad at you, not her.”

“Then take it out on me, not in front of her.”

"Oh, I will.” Helena's scolding gets Myka's ire up again.

“These ’theories’ of yours. What are they based on?"

“Stuff Claudia dug up on the internet."

“You’ve involved Claudia!” Helena blurts.

"I couldn't follow you blindly! I had to find out for myself."

"Does she know—"

"About you being at the sale? No."

"And this information, is any of it on your computer?"

“Yes. Why?"

"Wipe it immediately. All traces. Everything. And when you're interviewed, do not mention Claudia's involvement.”

“Why should I help you?”

“It’s in all our best interests you heed my advice.”

“Seriously, why? I don’t see how ‘heeding your advice’ helps anyone but you.” Myka glares at Helena until her muscles begin to quiver, the urge to punch her rising again. “I gotta go,” she says, moving towards the door, but Helena steps in front of her. She tries to push Helena aside, but Helena grabs her wrist and shoves her back in.

“I’ll explain," Helena says. "But I shouldn't."

Myka yanks her wrist free.

“You mustn't repeat a word I say. Not to Claudia nor Christina, Abigail or Amanda. You're absolutely in the dark; otherwise, we’re all sunk.”

“Got it. Act dumb.”

“Act pained. Dumbfounded. Betrayed. Everything you’ve been feeling this evening times ten. The drama must ring true."

“Fine," Myka says and waits for Helena to continue, but instead, Helena looks over at the tub. She perches on its edge and looks down at the floor, dragging a hand through her hair, holding it back.

“Helena, tell me."

Helena releases her locks slowly, letting them cascade in sheets until her face is entirely obscured by a black curtain. "It's you that's being railroaded. By Mrs. Frederic."

“What?” Myka barely heard a word Helena said. She sits on the tub and angles her head for better access.

“Your trajectory was ideal: an eager young recruit, overstepping her bounds for professional gain. I was told it was the least harmful option to produce the desired result."

"I don't understand."

“The delay at Customs. Mrs. Frederic's intervention. All pre-planned events. The item in question was hidden in your crates.” Helena turns toward Myka. "It was you that was meant to be caught redhanded, but Bonnie and I threw a wrench into the works.”

Myka stands and backs away. This is surely another tale Helena's spinning.

“I understand how ludicrous this sounds, but it's the truth."

"Why should I believe you?"

“Because we’re all pawns in this volatile game of chess. Your sacrifice was meant to push MacPherson into a compromising position. His influence extends well beyond antiquities, into dark dealings too gruesome to mention. I can’t even begin to explain how important this transaction is and how horrified I was to hear you were anywhere near it. I did everything in my power to force Mrs. Frederic’s hand. I thought I’d succeeded until you turned up in Germany.”

“You got me dropped from the sale?"

"Yes."

Myka takes a moment to process this. "How long have you known?"

“Since my first meeting with Mrs. Frederic. I’d learned then you’d been earmarked earlier. And that Theodora and Vanessa were also involved."

"Theodora and Vanessa?” Myka wobbles and grabs hold of the sink counter. That’s why she was given the antiquities job, not because she was worthy. "Vanessa wouldn't do that."

"Vanessa had little choice. She was strong-armed by Mrs. Frederic. Theodora wavered but was...coerced."

“Coerced? How?”

“I’m not privy to the details. But she was rather suddenly on board.”

"Why me?"

“Mrs. Frederic believed, were you to be sentenced at all, the court would be lenient for a first offense. I argued the opposite, that they’d use you to set an example, especially with such a high profile case. Therefore, I was ordered to stay out of it entirely, which I entirely did not do. I instead contacted Vanessa and Theodora to form a plan."

“What did they say?"

“That Mrs. Frederic’s no longer behaving rationally. She’d do anything to keep MacPherson behind bars, even ruin careers were it to further her agenda. They agreed she needed to be stopped, but they hadn’t a clue how.”

Myka flashes back to Italy, to the meal she had with Theodora. She'd said Mrs. Frederic would push her until she broke and warned she should push back before that happened. "Family's what’s left when everything else falls flat,” Theodora had said. Was she referencing this moment then?

“So this has nothing to do with Emily. This is all about me.”

“Unfortunately, yes. Upon arrival in London, I, and Emily were genuinely free of Macpherson’s affairs. In fact, my involvement was never meant to go this far."

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“The less you knew, the better."

Helena's standard answer, but an answer that now makes sense. Myka stares at her, heart racing, blood pounding, she doesn’t know what to say. Her whole world’s just been turned upside-down, and for once, Helena’s given her real answers.

“I’m doing this for us. For our future. I’m in a much better position to bargain than you. And who better to care for my daughter were I locked away?”

Helena’s quip is meant to be playful, but her tender tone hits Myka in the gut. “I’m sorry. So sorry. For everything.” She moves across the room and resumes her spot on the tub. “I should apologize to Christina."

“Please do. But maintain the illusion we're fighting."

“I’ll do whatever you say,” Myka says, reaching across Helena's lap and taking hold of her hand.

“Your instincts are correct. Stay in a hotel. Don't tell me where. And come tomorrow, this conversation never happened. You’re very, very angry with me once it all unfolds."

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. You didn't deserve—"

"You had good reason.” Helena flips Myka's hand over and laces their fingers together. "Now, go apologize to my daughter, then storm off in a huff."

Myka scoots closer. "I have no idea what's going on and that scares me. But I trust you. I really do."

"You have no idea how much that means to me.” Helena brings Myka’s hand up to her lips and kisses its back.

“Hey, you guys in there? Cos I really, reeeeally gotta pee. These Brits, man, they guzzle booze like there’s no tomorrow,” Claudia says.

Helena closes her eyes and breathes a deep breath. “Can this evening get any worse?"

“Don’t tempt it,” Myka says, squeezing Helena’s hand.

-TBC-

[dreamca7cher]

Dreamcatcher Dream of US in LA Fanmeet write-up

Hello friends! I have enjoyed reading fanmeet write-ups from others in the past, so I figured that those who weren’t able to go might like to give this a read. *Disclaimer* this is ridiculously long, It was actually about twice as long before I condensed and edited. I’ve had a week now to supplement my memory with the fancams and photos that have been trickling out, but I do apologize if I’ve misremembered or left anything out.

I basically jumped at the chance to attend kcon as soon as I read that Dreamcatcher would be there. I was lucky to get some good P1 seats with 2 other kpop-loving friends. At first I was a little bummed that DC was billed as a special guest, which meant they would not be doing any official kcon “artist engagement” activities like hi-touch. But then news of their solo LA fan meeting was announced and I was absolutely ecstatic. It just so happened that my flight was scheduled to arrive early enough Friday to make it to the fanmeet venue just in time.  On the day tickets were to go on sale, I barely got anything done at work and watched my computer clock like a hawk, refreshing the site every millisecond, ten seconds before ticket sales opened. Fortunately, I was lucky to secure one of the 125 seated spots. This would be my first in-person experience of any kind concerning kpop, so I was insanely excited and simultaneously nervous af.

I arrived at the venue about 15 minutes before it was scheduled to start and saw a decent line around this real hole-in-the-wall looking place. The people in line said it was for the seated spots, which surprised me. I thought there would be more standing than seated positions, but it turns out there were only maybe 10-15 people standing. It was hot as balls out there, and we were standing directly in the sun so we were all quickly drenched in sweat. I learned later that the girls had actually arrived earlier in a black van in front of the venue. I was probably still in transit at that time, but it must have been nice for the fans already standing in line to get that first glimpse of them! When we finally made it inside, the staff checked our names off a list and we were able to sign a giant American flag that the girls would hold later for a group picture. The fans who did not bring their own album to be signed were given a small poster. It was basically free for all seating, I was on the far right side on the last row but no matter – the venue was small enough to see everything clearly. As soon as I sat down I realized either the A/C wasn’t on.. or there was none at all. There were a few floor fans pointed at the stage, but I felt bad for the girls once they entered and I saw they were wearing sorta heavy looking tops L There was a slightly raised wooden stage in the front and a long table for them to sit at. Two tall speakers flanked the stage, but the music later wasn’t too loud. The crowd was ethnically diverse and probably around a 50%-50% gender split, proving Dreamcatcher’s wide appeal to all sorts of fans. It was however a much older crowd than the average makeup of the kcon attendees, as this was not a boy group.

The girls soon entered, which was such a surreal moment. It was almost like I couldn’t believe they were real people ya know? Having only watched them on video, it’s more like you’re watching a fictional movie sometimes. I know it’s cliché, but they really are sooo much prettier in person. I think they did look a little tired and/or nervous, but their smiles were illuminating and they did little fan service gestures whenever possible. They did their standard introduction with JiU speaking the most as leader, with small remarks like how hot it was and that it was nice to meet all of us. I thought Yoohyeon would speak the most, but she was probably nervous to use her English with us. The event went straight into the fan-signing with rows lining up one by one while the crowd was free to take pictures/videos. There are much better quality videos out there from the front, but I’ll post my crappy phone videos in case anyone wants to see from the right-hand perspective. I apologize for any shaking, as tripods were not allowed. The signing was fairly quick, everyone had just about enough time for each of the girls to sign their album or poster and maybe exchange a sentence or two.

I was one of like the last 4 people to go since I was at the back, and by this point my adrenaline was going crazy. I’ve never fainted before, but if there would be a time to, then that would be it. I didn’t know if this was strictly allowed, but I did see a few fans high five the members. I refrained however because then that would mean I could never wash that hand (j/k I didn’t want any chance of getting kicked out). So I decided to stick to a compliment or two which I had gone over in my head again and again for a few days prior. I wrote down a longer version of what I was going to say on some notes, since that’s all we were allowed to gift the girls. I had also decided to write my notes on origami paper of their favorite colors and fold my notes into paper cranes to stand out, because I am a crazy person. The research (I got their favorite colors from an interview which I’ll post later), the writing, and the folding all took much long than I anticipated which resulted in me only getting 1 hour of sleep Thursday night before my early flight. So this all culminated in a peak state of nervousness. All too soon it was my turn! I won’t go into what exactly I said or what was in my notes, it was just basically a compliment or encouragement. SuA was first, she waved and said hi as I approached. She was consistently the most hyper and playful that day, possibly because it was her birthday. She seemed really genuine too, and seemed the most relaxed I think. Handong was second, she was predictably shy, but was very appreciative of the crane and said it was cute. Her signature is the most unique too. I wrote some really crappy Chinese in my note that I hope she could read haha.. Next was Siyeon, she looked a bit tired, but she was hella pulling off the dark concept look with her black hair and colored contacts. She also spoke a lot of English that day, even if it wasn’t complete sentences like Yoohyeon. I think previous reports are accurate too, she was very quirky with her mannerisms. JiU was in the middle, and was positively glowing  :O she was smiling pretty much the whole time and I think even picked up the crane and flapped it around a little adorably. It was hard not to grin widely as well the whole time. Idk JiU just has this like unlimited energy that shines no matter how hot or tired she was. I pictured her as like a Super Saiyan or something with her positive aura. Yoohyeon was next and also looked a little tired. But she said a few things in English to me, and had an absolutely gorgeous smile. I haven’t 100% settled on a bias yet, but girl makes it hard to not choose her. Gahyeon was 6th and actually was saying a lot of things in English. She also seemed to like the crane a lot and has a really cute smile. Dami was last, and was so cool and reserved. She’s really good at the appreciative head nod, no wonder she seemed to be the most popular that day. I forgot to tell all of them that the cranes were actually notes they could unfold and read, I may have told 2-3 of them but I’m not sure if they understood. Ah well. The whole signing probably only lasted a couple minutes, but seeing them up close and actually chatting with them is something I will never forget. After the staff also got their signatures, they moved the big table so the girls could perform.

First up was You and I, and boy was it a sight to behold in person. Their movements were so sharp and energetic, and it’s probably my favorite choreography of any kpop song. They just lip-synced which is ok, since it let me focus on the dance. Dami’s baton reveal probably got the loudest cheer, it was really awesome to see up close, and she does it so nonchalantly. Siyeon’s scarf throw also got a loud cheer. SuA definitely had the most powerful dancing, as expected.  I didn’t know all the fanchants, but the other InSomnias obliged well. The girls sprinkled in little hearts and waves to the audience throughout the performance. Right after, they performed Full Moon, which was a very nice gift to the American InSomnias  :] The chest pumping part probably had the loudest cheers, as it was the fiercest part of the choreo. During Dami’s solo rap part, she came up real close and waved to everyone, which also brought lots of cheers. The part where SuA and Handong get dragged across the floor was also popular for some reason. I haven’t watched as many fancams of Full Moon, but I really like the choreo, especially Siyeon’s parts. She rules that performance with her movements and expressions.

After the performance, the girls played a question and answer game from a board made up of stick notes that the crowd had written earlier (via translator). The first question I think was for SuA to do a solo funny dance. She asked “no music?” and Siyeon tried to do beatboxing and failed hard hahaha. So Yoohyeon sang to and SuA did a short hilarious dance to Dame Tu Cosita before collapsing in embarrassment. It was so adorable XD the 2nd question was what was the girls favorite Dreamcatcher song. SuA said Mayday, and sang her part a bit. The next question was “what’s it like performing for fans who don’t speak Korean and understand the lyrics?” Handong said that there was nonetheless a connection and that she was surprised and thankful that fans still sing along to the songs. SuA also said we felt like family, sister, brother, mother, father.. lol. The next question was what is your favorite choreography/point move? JiU said she likes the “baby you and I” part of You and I, and Yoohyeon likes the Chase Me part where they grab their hair lol. SuA likes the kiss blowing parts, and Siyeon likes when the members are dragged in Full Moon (probably because it’s not her being dragged haha). Then there was a question about superpowers, and Gahyeon said teleportation and JiU said she never wanted to get tired so she could always meet her fans, like the perfect leader she is. Siyeon said “you already do that” lol. Then Dami was asked how the baton worked, which I’m sure we all have always wondered. It’s basically like a spring-loaded telescoping thing held by a cap. Super cool, and got a resounding applause. Next was one of the more anticipated questions “which member would you marry?” and SuA immediately stood up lol. Siyeon took the mic and said JiU, because she makes really cute noises when she sleeps, revealing her creeper status lolol. Siyeon asked “will you marry me” and JiU said “oooh, yes” lmao. The next question was who has the best legs, to which Yoohyeon crossed her legs expectantly. But then she said she thought Handong has the best legs and asked her to stand up, which she did! Doing some model poses for us, very uncharacteristically ^^ JiU also said Handong has the straightest legs. Then Dami was asked to do some aegyo! Haha poor Dami, she chose to say “hi, nice to meet you, thank you” very adorably. The girls were then asked what songs they listen to in their personal time. SuA is currently obsessed with This is America and did the iconic gun pose lol. Siyeon likes Ariana Grande, and sang some No Tears Left to Cry. They were then asked what artists they want to collaborate with, and Yoohyeon said Day6 which got a big cheer. I also love Day6, and that would be such a match made in heaven! She also beautifully sang a little bit of Letting Go. Siyeon said she wanted to cover Sean Mendes Treat You Better and SuA wanted to do a Taylor Swift song. They were asked about actors they want to meet in LA, and they said the Avengers lol. I think they visited Hollywood Boulevard and said they kinda felt like they met them because there were people dressed up in costumes. Gahyeon also wanted to meet Daniel Henney because he lives in LA. Then JiU said I want to meet my fans with this huge dorky smile lol. The next question was about any future America tour plans, and JiU said of course, and asked us to visit them again next time. They were then asked who their other favorite kpop group was, and JiU said Red Velvet. Yoohyeon asked if she could dance a little bit, so JiU cutely danced to Bad Boy briefly. Siyeon also said KARD. They were asked what their favorite part of LA was, and SuA said she really liked In-N-Out burger and that it was yummy, specifically combo #3 lol. She also wanted to ride rides at Santa Monica and swim, to which Siyeon reminded her that she can’t swim lmao. The last question was about their favorite quotes. Dami’s motto is “in life there are no answers, so do what makes you happy”. JiU said “let’s live happy”, which she definitely exudes all the time ^^. Also that we were all beautiful and smart enough, so to live a happy life. Yoohyeon said that her mom always said to her “if you have a dream, imagine it will happen, and it will be”. Lastly, the girls took a group photo with all three of the sections, holding the American flag we signed earlier. JiU closed out with thanks and a promise they would see us again. SuA said thank you for celebrating my birthday, and Handong said thank you for your passion. Then the staff brought out a birthday cake and we surprised SuA by singing happy birthday. She looked so happy the entire time, and  even did a little moonwalk haha. Dami did one last tour around the crowd waving to everyone, and that was it.

And the rest of the weekend was downhill! J/k the kcon stages were amazing, and I saw them again multiple times at the convention, but the fanmeet was of course the highlight of the trip. As my first in-person kpop experience, this will definitely be hard to top. I vaguely wondered before the fanmeet if finally meeting them in person would diminish my perfect image of them in my head, but actually the opposite is true. Now they feel like real people I know, which just makes me like them even more. I was also very proud of the American InSomnias, everyone was respectful, there were no crazy incidents, no one had to be thrown out by security, it just went as smooth as can be. I also want to thank 7-dreamers for organizing this whole thing, and for the smooth operation. I could talk forever about my experiences, but I will end it here. Maybe I’ll do a write-up of the convention and concert if anyone’s interested? Thanks for reading!