#i got distracted with many more things

[eybefioro]

Me: no, pfftt, I don't have adhd, my therapist must've been wrong.

Also me: doing a presentation last minute bc couldn't concentrate on it for the last 3 weeks. Taking half a day off work to do it. Arriving home and only starting it after TWO HOURS (what I did in the meantime? No clue). Sit down on pc to finally read the damm text. Get distracted by earphones working only on the left side. Remember all my earphones and headsets are only working on the left side (maddening. Crowley must be the one doing it.... resists the urge to open AO3). Gets pissed off. Open amazon. Start researching for earphones. Remember I've already saved a headset I wanted to buy. Goes log in (in the meantime, getting more stressed with the song only playing on one side). Forgets password. Resets password. Opens email to get the number thing. Oh no, there's important unread emails. Open one. Remembers I haven't checked a thing I had to check two weeks ago. Opens new tab (limbo time doing randomthings instead of checking the thing). Remembers I was trying to reset my password. Does so finally, then I remember I still wasnt paid, so I can't buy a new headphone -- which leads me to open WhatsApp bc I remember I havent answered a work related message (limbo tome where i solve work things).

Oh no there are many messages. Better to get my phone to answer them faster. I don't know where my phone is. Gets up to look for it. 15 minutes later I find it under my notebook, on the desk I was in the first place -- dammit, I was trying to do this assignment, wasn't I? Sits down on the pc again. FINALLY OPENS THE DOCUMENT. I should open canva, so I can go faster -- reading and making slides at the same time. GANIUS IDEA. Oh no there are so many options (limbo time I spent looking at too many design options). Remembers a friend was going thru the same thing a while ago. I was talking to said friend and forgot midway. Opens discord. Oh! Someone sent me a tumblr post (a limbo of doom scroll time)

Dear God I am going crazy. I'm at this for more than an hour now.

[popsicle-stick]

will you meet me halfway?

anyway i finished wolf 359 earlier this month and ive been insane ever since so i had to get this out my system. i Care for them so so Deeply

[failyaoi]

last minute pride month stuffs ^.^

[manasurge]

Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)

[lunarharp]

wanted to adapt the google search results a gay woman got in a japanese drama "tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna" which is good btw.

[lovesodeepandwideandwell]

ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)

so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.

anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)

If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.

To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.

The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.

I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.

so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you

[zagreusm]

I may or may not have become obssesed with these men, ehe

[pearl-kite]

Hi I know this is out of nowhere and sorry if you answered it before. Also totally ok if you don’t want to answer

But your blog got me super interested in the redacted asmr thing

I did some research and you seem to know a lot about so do you know if there’s any like, chronological order I should watch them?

Love your blog!

Absolutely no worries! I like getting stuff to respond to, it's the opposite of a bother <3

So Redacted Audio, formerly Redacted ASMR, is a channel on youtube with a, quite frankly, massive amount of audio, and since it's been running for over 4 years now it can be a LOT to sort through. Fortunately, he's done a really good job curating and organizing playlists for the different speaker-characters.

Everything is within the same universe, and many of the characters have interacted with each other. The context is that the location is a fictional city named Dahlia set somewhere in California, which is a "cornerstone" city for magical society. The best way to get a solid rundown on magic and the setting is to listen through the Freelancer Season 1 playlist.

This one is already arranged in chronological order* and also has the benefit of giving a sampler of sorts for a wider variety of speakers. One thing to be aware of ahead of time: While this was actively being published, Erik hadn't decided who the listener-character (nicknamed Freelancer) would be romancing, so it starts off with a lot of potential toward all of them except Caelum. As it went, there were polls in the discord server that he used to run, and popular consensus eventually narrowed it down to Gavin. The first time I listened was after all of that, and I was more fond of Damien, but I'm personally pleased with Gavin now, and this playlist has been one of my favorites to just revisit if I'm bored.

*Well, mostly. There was a point where the channel got a strike for some of the audios being too spicy and he removed and/or edited some of them to try to avoid being demonetized. The first Gavin audio is one of the ones that got edited, and #3 on the playlist accidentally got relocated. It's been a long time, but I think it was originally after what's now #6, the second Caelum audio.

Aside from that one as a good introduction to the channel as a whole, there are some "main" characters that have had the most attention.

One is a group of wolf shifters: David, the current head of the pack (Chronological for his listener. A lot of people aren't super fond of the earliest ones for him, #3-5, because the character evolved a bit and they aren't really representative any longer) Asher, his second Milo, another pack member, which is absolutely underselling him, he's one of my favorites

There are a couple of vampires: Vincent, the OG for the channel Sam, a common favorite who's listener is a member of David's pack

While most of the playlists are specific to character, there are a few thematic ones as well, all of which are chronological within themselves. Now, chronology with respect to each other can start to get a bit confusing, because of how long it's taken for some of them to play out.

If you want to get a feel for the characters before worrying too much about timeline, I'd listen through most playlists as they're arranged with one main caveat:

When you hit the audios titled Inversion, give those a pause until you've listened to more speakers. Inversion was a huge crossover he did that has 10+ speakers involved.

A personal favorite has been Vega. I'm actually super not fond of the first audio he's in, which is also in the Freelance list, so I skip that one when I relisten. The first one in this list is that one with the Freelancer, but the second and onward has a demon listener nicknamed Warden. We just got an update on his story today/last night and I've been a little unwell about it 🙃

I am realizing I could go on and on and on and I kind of have, so I'm going to stop there. Hopefully that's enough to dip your toes in. I'll gladly help out with any follow-up questions, too :3

[softandwildx]

Hey this came up in my therapy group last night and it was a good reminder for me and I thought I'd share it with all my fellow chronic overthinkers and nervous systems <3

One of the most important pieces of advice I've ever received is to take people's words at face value. This ultimately means choosing to believe that people (generally) mean what they say, and doing your best not to "read between the lines" and let your anxieties and insecurities form unproven assumptions about someone's intentions.

It can be an extremely difficult skill to practice. It's taken me a literal decade to adhere to it and I'm still not perfect. But I promise you it's worth it. Setting your mind free of constant suspicions and expecting the worst from people is not naive, it's self-preservation. It can do wonders for your mental well-being.

And no, it doesn't mean you never listen to your intuition, or just blindly assume everyone everywhere is always telling you the truth and has only pristine outward intentions. It simply means that we can't truly get "bad vibes" from a text message, your close friends are almost 100% guaranteed to NOT be lying about wanting to hang out with you, a stranger giving you a compliment is probably not making a joke about you later, etc.

We make so many small judgments and assumptions about the people we interact with every day, and I'm begging you to just once, try to practice saying in your head, "that compliment was nice, I'm going to assume it's genuine." Or "my loved one has never told me they hate me or that I'm too much, so I will operate under the idea that they do actually like and love me." It doesn't even have to be that scripted or complicated. You get the gist, right?

Please choose to be kind to yourselves. Please choose not to sabotage your relationships and connections because your anxiety makes evil, angry lies about you and everyone around you.

You are loved, liked, valued, and worthy. I wish you the best in choosing self-love 💜

[seraphiism]

𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬

( if the road is long, it doesn't matter what you weigh-- i will carry you. )

chara : neuvillette fandom : genshin impact quote cr : jacqueline woodson a/n : okay i read abt him for a few minutes so let's hope this is in character (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

one : & THE WEIGHT OF JUSTICE IS A HEAVINESS IN ENDEAVORS, THE SCALES MEANT TO BE TIPPED IN FAVOR OF GOOD IN A WAR WAGED AGAINST EVILS. BUT EVEN IN ONE WITH A SEEMINGLY COLD HEART, THERE IS BURDEN ETCHED IN THE TRACES OF BLUE / OF OCEAN WAVES / OF DIVINITY, AND WHEN THE RAIN POURS, THE WORLD WILL KNOW OF A SORROW UNKNOWN & UNTOLD.

the rain represents many a thing : a hinting of hope, a dreadfulness meant to be endured before the sun rises once more, the coming of bloom in petals unfurled / a possible despair, a grieving in madness, an anguish profound.

there is a sentiment in every droplet that falls and falls, and when you look to the sky, feel the water trail down your face in the gentlest of touches, there is a semblance of grief in the way your lips instinctively curve in the knowing.

you stare at the mourning sky. you close your eyes, inhale deep. exhale. there's an umbrella in your hand, but you do not use it.

and so the rain begins like this : solemn, quiet. fickle -- an announced presence, one so faint that one questions a mere drop here and there, and then the hurting begins, the understanding of the pain one has always carried alone. the rain grows, pours and pours, and then it storms.

another deep breath. you finally look down.

you know this story, you do. the legends once told of a dragon's cry.

you smile again.

still, you do not use your umbrella. you keep walking. there is somewhere to go, someone to be with.

two : & THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD IS A HEAVINESS IN THE HEART, THE BEATING AND BEATING OF A LIFE LONG LIVED GROWN WEARY AND TIRED. BUT EVEN IN THE HAZE OF DAYS GONE BY, THERE IS LOVE ETCHED IN THE TRACES OF FERVOR / OF QUIET COMFORT / OF REVERENCE, AND WHEN THE RAIN POURS, THE DRAGON WILL KNOW OF A SERENITY FOREVERMORE.

"rumor has it," you speak, words filled with repose as you lean against the door frame of a bedroom shared, "that when the dragon cries, the world will hear it, feel it, but they will not understand it."

neuvillette sits on the edge of the bed, his back facing you. you see the way he tenses slightly, and it is almost instinct that he wipes his tears away, ignores the subtle lump in his throat. he does not try to hide it much, not really. and it isn't because he is ashamed-- he's not, because there is not weakness in expressing one's grievances, but to him, it is simply just not necessary. unwarranted, even.

it is not often that he mourns, and truth be told, you think, it is not nearly enough. you take a few steps forward, your clothes slightly damp, the cool air gracing your skin. you find yourself standing before him. he is quick to rise from the bed, brows furrowed ever so slightly in concern at your state. he glances at the umbrella that lays by the door, and he is almost certain you did not use it at all.

"you carried it, yet you chose not to make use of it." he murmurs, and he almost feels guilty. you could get sick-- you're cold to the touch, but you don't shake, don't frown, don't complain. he doesn't understand.

you smile, and there is something so endearing about it that it almost hurts. you wonder if it will begin to storm again. you feel the way his hand cups your cheek ; you lean into the touch, place your hand over his.

"no, i didn't." you answer, and the warmth in your tone makes his heart hurt, somehow. "i never mind the rain, dearest." your smile grows the slightest bit, but so does the ache in his chest. "i know it signifies your pain. you carry everything on your shoulders-- alone, and you always have."

a pause, a brief flicker of reluctance as you choose your words carefully.

"i've always been fond of the rain. not because i know it means you're suffering, but because i know that you can grieve without judgement or reserve. because i know you're letting yourself feel."

then, you hear it-- the revival of rain, the gentle sound of droplets hitting the windowpanes, trailing down and down before collision. there is a storm brewing in the depths of his being, and in the skies, there is one that looms over fontaine. your thumb grazes his cheekbone, wipes another tear away before you press your forehead against his, bring yourself to speak again.

"i won't shy away from it. i won't hide from it. no matter when it rains, no matter where it rains, i'll always come find you. you know that, don't you?"

his other hand finds yours, almost as if by second nature. how gently he squeezes it, and he does so in quiet acknowledgement of your kindness and the love you have always shared. it's a long moment before he responds, and you can tell he's thinking, trying to find all the right things to say. but how do you respond to such ardor? how can you reciprocate something so venerating?

"you are stubborn, love. you'll fall ill."

you let out a soft laugh, almost roll your eyes in exasperation at his reply.

"yes, but it will be worth it. you're always worth it, neuvi."

[robinsnest2111]

maybe I really need to get back into carbonated water. the latest addition to the local grocery store's bottled water selection has been quite good actually (sparkling peach and sparkling lime-lemon flavour) in those 3/4 liter "sports" bottles...

[autisticlee]

sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)

but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!

so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"

....

my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!

SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

[elizabethrobertajones]

why do I not let them hang out more often honestly

[wellhalesbells]

the thing that fucks me up about rereading instructions for dancing is trying to pinpoint when it is that derek becomes obsessed with stiles and realizing the answer seems to be always. from the beginning. the moment they met. that poor bastard. he probably should have tried to be a little nicer about it, though, saved them both some hardship.

I think it slides so quickly from fear and annoyance that Stiles will steal Scott away to 'Oh no, oh fuck,' I'm not even sure Derek knows himself. Poor guy hamstrung himself by starting out with the 'I'm going to scare him away' mentality then wondering where the hell that went and trying to find it again through almost every subsequent interaction (while something so much bigger and so much worse - Derek's Thoughts™ - completely eclipsed it). Meanwhile Stiles also helps cultivate Derek's dickish-ness by assuming that original motivation to be his only interest in him at all, essentially until the moment Derek tells him he's in love with him.

Which is hopefully why it seemingly comes out of left field for Stiles and the reader, because that's what I wanted.

[nururu]

That scene post dressrosa where luffys sleeping off his fight and Zoro wants to wake him up so bad.... makes me think about how Zoro only rlly sleeps(not naps) 4hrs a day. so, he's up late a lot and sometimes gets a spike of energy and just gets bored and goes to luffys bed to wake him up bc he knows luffys always down to clown