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veryreallyfuckinbad · 3 years ago

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FIRE AND MOSS // Daryl Dixon X Reader// CHAPTER 6

TW: Strong language, implied abusive relationships, injury.

The Greene farm basked in the light of the impending sunrise, coating the land in a blanket of oranges, yellows and pinks. Birds began to sing, chirping away, oblivious to the dead people stalking every corner, every street, hiding in every shadow. Your heart filled with strange nostalgia and envy,- you wished you could be as free and uncaring as the winged critters. A strange phenomenon began taking place when the apocalypse hit; the world ended only for people. Nature seemed to be thriving more than ever without people slowly but surely killing it. Vegetation grew from cracks of abandoned houses’ floors, apartments previously filled with chatter and laughter were now home to wild animals. Nature took back what was hers quicker than you expected, signs of her healing around every corner, in every single flower, weed, blooming tree, moss. Most of the previously heavily populated areas smelled like death, the sickly sweet-ish stench of rotting bodies, both of the ones that perished forever and the ones that walked. The forest and the Greene farm, however, smelled like the life you knew. Like carelessness, confidence.

Your feet made slow but steady steps, avoiding making too much noise- Daryl was asleep in his tent and the worst thing you could do was wake him up as he hardly ever got any shut eye. You were certain you were the only one awake, so you stepped through the grass with care, avoiding any twigs that could snap and wake the others up. As you made your way to Dale’s trailer, deciding to take watch duty, you heard a faint, familiar sound coming from behind the trailer. Jake heard it too, instantly tensing, ready to pounce at any danger that might cross your path. You signaled the fox with your hand to relax when you recognized the sound- it was crying. You peeked from behind the RV and instantly felt your heart drop.

Carol was sat on the wet grass, crying, her hands on her head as she tried to control her weeps. Deciding it’s best to let her know you’re there instead of sneaking up on her, you spoke in a half-whisper, “Carol? Are you okay?” when the words left your mouth you realized how plain stupid that question was. Her daughter, all she had left, was missing. Carol’s head whipped to face you, her eyes red and puffy from crying, her cheeks stained with many glistering patterns of where her tears rolled down. When she realized it was only you, she sighed with a mixture of relief and something akin to confusion. She tried, immensely at that, to stop herself from breaking down once again and gave you a sad, unconvincing smile. You dipped your head and took a step towards her, taking a seat beside her.

“I’m just so scared, (Y/N). What if we never find her? Or if we do, it’ll be too-“ her voice trembled, just like her hands did.

“Stop it.” You silenced her, choosing your next words carefully. “I’m not going to say that I have no idea what you must be going through- it’s true, but you’ve heard it a million times already” you looked at her and stared deep into her horrified eyes. “Carol, I know you’re afraid. I do. Hear me out, though; you’ve got two grade A trackers at your disposal.” You gave her a warm smile.

“You can track?” she asked, clearly surprised.

You chuckled lightly, “Nope. He can.” you stroked Jake’s soft fur and watched as Carol’s eyes lit up slightly and shimmered with a glimpse of hope.

“How can he do that? I-I mean,” she stumbled over her words, “what does he need? A scent?”

“He’s not trained or anything, but he’s fantastic at finding stuff.” Your hand left Jake’s head when he shifted and stood up, walking up to Carol and sitting between you and her. He must’ve felt how heartbroken she was because he lowered his snout down to the woman’s hand and after giving it a brief sniff, he licked it and bumped it with his nose slightly. You smiled with pride and happiness.

“See? He promised he’ll do his best.” You said and watched Carol’s eyes light up again.

Carol sniffled and dug in one of her pockets, quickly handing you the item she was looking for. It was a piece of fabric, carefully cut around the edges.

“It’s a piece of her blanket. I keep it in my pocket to at least have a piece of her with me.” She explained and handed you the soft fabric. You knew she trusted you- she wouldn’t give the last of what she had left of her daughter to just anyone.

“We’ll go search right now.” You smiled at her and felt her fall apart all over again, this time because of gratitude. She crawled up to you and wrapped her arms around you, engulfing you in a warm, thankful embrace.

“Thank you so much” she nearly cried again. You hugged back and whispered a soft ‘you’re welcome’. Carol let go of you to face Jake and look into his eyes with the same respect she’s given you. “Thank you, too.” She extended her arm to touch him and you were about to jump in to stop her, afraid of Jake’s response, but stopped when you saw him pull his head into her hand, allowing her to touch him. It seemed like he was comforting her, as well as reassuring her he’ll do everything he can.

The farmland was still covered in the pink-orange light when you returned to your tent to retrieve your bag, just in case you found something worth taking. You’d hoped Daryl was still asleep and worried that your shuffling might’ve woke him up, so you carefully stepped closer to his tent to make sure he was sleeping. With each step, it became increasingly more clear that the archer was, in fact, not in his tent- the zip entrance was left open. You didn’t want to be nosy…but you wanted to check if he was okay. At least that’s what you told yourself- you’ve always wondered how his tent looks from the inside. You couldn’t tell whether it was pure curiosity or the burning need to find out more about the man. Before you could poke your head inside, you felt a presence right behind you, looming over you. Daryl stood right behind you.

“Found what ya were lookin’ for?” he asked, his voice not carrying as much weight as you’d expected it to. He didn’t appear mad, just irritated. Or so you hoped. You tried your best to keep your cool and turn around to face him, taking a step back when you realized how close he was.

“Now I did.” You smiled at him but your eyes betrayed you- he could feel your anxiety and uncertainty. He was usually frustrated with how hard you were to read, but the look in your eyes seemed familiar, like he’s seen you do it before but couldn’t put his finger on it.

Ever since the night Jake allowed Daryl to touch him, he was more confused than ever. The archer couldn’t understand how you- someone who’s been through so much, more than you’d let on, could be so friendly and loving towards her group. She never took and only gave, thinking of her fox and the group before herself. There was one more thing he couldn’t wrap his mind around and it drove him crazy- why would she give him special treatment? She opened up to him and him only, never allowed anybody except him see her cry, gave him handmade gifts, trusted him with her beloved companion. Not that you didn’t annoy him at times, but everybody did. Sometimes, you didn’t know when to stop talking and while he tolerated it for the longest time, sometimes he just had to send you back to your tent to give him room to breathe. He loved that you never took it personally, always conscious of his need for space.

“What’s the bag for?” he eyed you and patiently awaited your response before adding, “Ya movin’ out?”

“Oh, I would never.” You smirked at him and crossed your arms. “You’d miss me too bad, Dixon” you teased and expected a grunt or shrug in response, but to your surprise he retorted.

“ ‘f course. Who would sit with me when I cry my eyes out?” he smirked back at you, clearly a jab for the time you broke down in front of him. You rolled your eyes and stood on your tiptoes to affectionately ruffle his hair, much to his displeasure. You enjoyed how you could crack jokes at each other now, he had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that you found hilarious in his own, strange way.

“You know you love me.” You teased him while turning your back to him and walking away, finally about to go out searching. “I’m going out to look for Sophia with Jake.”

“I’m comin’ with ya.” He said matter of factly, as if you had no say in it.

“If you do, Shane won’t get off my ass for the rest of the day. He already dislikes me, just wait until I ‘unnecessarily take away manpower from the farm’ or some shit like that.” Everything you said was true. You got along with every resident of the farm, with the exception of Shane. He never began trusting you and didn’t even think of trying. He always tried to control the group, but you never listened to him, probably because of the lack of mutual respect. The only people anyone in the group took orders from were Rick and Hershel.

“He can try. Screw ‘im. I’m comin’ with.” His mind was made and you decided not to argue with the stubborn archer.

“To be fair, I can see why you’d want to spend time with me. I’m the shit.” You heard Daryl scoff and shake his head, but once you looked at his face more closely, you realized he was smiling. “C’mon, let’s get the horses ready.”

Hooves hit gently against the ground, the horse’s head swaying subtly as he walked. You felt quite confident on the animal’s back, but Daryl seemed anxious. His broad shoulders looked even wider as he tensed, cautious- he didn’t trust the animal. Jake trotted alongside your horse, occasionally running off to check something out, but always came back. Your trusty knife was sheathed and safely buckled to your pants- ever since you got it back, you didn’t leave camp without it.

“You know, you gotta trust the horse a little. At least try.” You tried to nudge him, but you knew it was futile. If you were honest, you just wanted the awkward silence to end. Daryl looked at you and raised his brows.

“These things are unpredictable though,” he began and shrugged, “Merle ‘n I once…borrowed a neighbors horse, he had a stable or some shit.” He smiled to himself “Fucker bucked me off ‘n I fell right on my ass.” He finished and looked at you, awaiting your reaction. When you burst into laughter all he do was shake his head and grunt in response. “Couldn’t sit proper for days.”

You chuckled some more, your smile so contagious that even he mimicked it. For some reason, he didn’t mind you laughing at his story all that much.

“So it is a childhood trauma?” you nudged him again, half-joking and offered him a playful smirk. To your surprise, that didn’t seem to amuse him, his smile quickly fading before he gave you a sad smile. You realized you probably hit a nerve with that statement. “I’m so sorry.”

“ ‘s fine. What hurt me more was yer laughing at my sore ass.” He turned his head slightly to look at you from the side with the same smile as moments before appearing on his face. Quickly, silence fell upon you once again. This time, it was almost deafening and you didn’t understand why- when you sat with him by the campfire, you felt completely comfortable in silence with the man. It was like the warmth of the flame engulfed you like a soft blanket and made you immune to the man’s frustratingly quiet nature.

Daryl grasped the reins tightly as if to comfort himself- the feeling of leather straps digging into his palm was strangely comforting. The hunter’s hair fell upon his forehead; it was growing longer. He didn’t care but wondered whether it was practical to live in the death-ridden world with strands of hair falling over his eyes. He glanced upon you, your eyes on Jake. You stared at the fox with such love, nothing but pure affection. Not in the way you’d look at a puppy or any other pet- you looked at him as a valuable, fully capable member of the group. You saw him as a survivor, and Daryl admired that. He watched as your hair swayed and jumped gently with every step your horse took. He was lost in his own thoughts while he gazed at you, he wondered why he couldn’t force himself to push you away or tell you to move your tent back to the group. He guessed that that’s what it was like to have a friend.

“So, since we’re gonna be riding for a long time” you began, cutting through the silence and Daryl’s thoughts as he immediately averted his gaze and hoped you didn’t catch him looking at you. You did. “Tell me something about yourself” you smiled at him sincerely.

“Ya sound like a god damn hairdresser” he scoffed and shrugged, “make sure to ask me how’s school, too.”

You chuckled and shook your head, giving him a side-eye. You awaited his response, but it never came. If you had to take one more minute of that awkward silence, you’d rather dig a hole and jump straight in.

“Let me start, then.” You began and rolled your eyes. “I’m (Y/N)” you heard him mumble a ‘wow’ underneath his breath and shushed him with a smile, “For real, though. One thing you might have noticed about me is I make horrible decisions.” You grinned at him

“Such as?”

“Like setting my tent up next to yours” you joked and heard him chuckle- it was a fantastic sound. It made you happy in all kinds of ways, maybe because it was so rare, it was special. “Anything, really. Laying on broken glass that one time”, you grinned at your dry joke, reminiscing about how that very day led you to meeting your new family, “I dunno, anything really. School, back when that was a thing, the people I hung out with, relationships.”

He stilled at that last word. Not because he was uncomfortable or unwilling to listen to her talk about it but because he was worried that someone hurt you.

“What d’ya mean?” he glanced at you curiously, “The relationship part.”

You smiled uncomfortably, unsure whether you should share or not. You mentally slapped yourself for letting that last part come out- you should’ve expected him to ask. Even though you’ve somewhat healed, talking about it out loud was never easy. Moss still grew on your heart.

“Oh, you know. Jackasses that, uh…” you stumbled over your words as Daryl watched you carefully, “Whenever they were mad, they took it out on me.” You gave him a reassuring smile, trying to show how confident you were, how you’ve healed. It was only partially true- sometimes it still hurt. “This one dude,” you began, this time with a chuckle, “got so pissed at me for wanting something stupid, flowers I think, for my birthday.” You smiled at him half-heartedly. Daryl stared at you and tried to decode your expression. He, however, was easy to read at that very moment- he was pissed. Not at you, but at the men you’ve been with. The archer guessed you didn’t want his pity, however. He knew it would only make it worse.

“Ya didn’t lie when ya called him a jackass” he smirked at you for a brief moment, “I get it.”

You’ve finally reached your destination- a small creek with a two-way path. Twigs grew out of the ground where the drop of a small trench-like pit began. Deciding it’s best to split up to cover as much ground as possible, Daryl took the left and you- the right path. You’d promised each other to meet at this very creek later on.

As the hours passed, nothing came of your search. Jake ran around, sniffing the cloth Carol gave you from time to time but found nothing, say for a rabbit that he promptly caught and ate. You couldn’t believe the girl was just gone, without a trace at that. You couldn’t allow yourself to believe that- you’d lose all the hope you had left. With a heavy sigh, you turned around and began heading back through the dense woodland, back to the spot you were supposed to meet Daryl at. The forest smelled fresh- the repulsive stench of death was replaced with the sweet scent of flowers and the gentle smell of grass and trees.

When you reached your meeting spot you looked around and quickly came to the conclusion that Daryl was still out looking. With a sigh, you hopped off your horse and tied it’s reins to a sturdy branch. Before you could sit down and relax, you heard a horrifying grunt coming from the trench. Sure it was a walker, you grabbed your knife and took careful steps, making sure not to slip on the wet, muddy grass. Jake beat you to it, running to whatever was making the noise and immediately beginning to shriek and call for you. Your legs moved on their own, not caring about being cautious anymore. When you arrived to where Jake stood, just over the ledge, you looked down into the hollow and felt your breath get stuck in your throat.

Daryl was trying to climb out of the trench, slipping on the mud and desperately grasping for any branch that could support his weight to pull himself up. He was covered in blood, his mouth was red and something was hung on his neck. Blood was trickling from his side and dripping on his pants, staining his shirt. He quickly noticed you and stared at you. He looked different, no life in his steel-blue eyes. None of the spark they usually had, they were glossy, confused and afraid. Thinking quickly, you grabbed onto a root sticking out of the ground for support and extended your hand to him. He looked dazed, as if unsure what to do, whether he should grab your hand, but quickly decided to do so. You felt his strong grasp on your wrist as you tried to pull him up, heaving and wincing from the pain of his grip on your wrist. Your feet began slipping and you almost fell down the trench. The grip of his hand was so strong that you were sure he would eventually break it.

“Hold on!”

You braced yourself and with one last, painful pull he was out of the creek. He laid on his back next to you, both of your chests heaving and breathing deeply. You didn’t allow yourself to rest though, quickly kneeling next to him and inspecting his wound.

“What the hell happened?” your eyes were full of fear and worry, “Daryl, talk to me. Please.”

He grunted, clearly in pain and in a feverish state.

“Arrow. Fell on it”

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A/N: I'm so sorry this took me so long, I was super busy and then had a massive writer's block. This chapter definitely isn't the best but I promise the next one will be much better! <3

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taglist <3

@writers-adversary @kimchiwen @mileysnavely @srhxpci

#daryl dixon x y/n #daryl x y/n #daryl dixion imagine #daryl x reader #daryl imagines #daryl x oc #twd daryl #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

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clavicuss-vile · 3 years ago

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!!! for the ask game: 🌼 (your favorite thing about this oc) & 🌈 (what does this oc like and dislike about themselves?) foooor kaos, anaelle, and pup !!

❤ from @reachfolk

:DDD ty! <3

🌼

Kaos: Well, not including warrior cats and fantrolls i made when i was like 10, he's my first ever proper oc! he's gone through SO many changes over the years but he's where literally every other TES character came from, so i love my boy for that <3

Anaëlle: I adore this girl because she's so strong willed!! irl im very very nonconfrontational and tend to just nod and agree, but she would absolutely slap a bitch no questions asked. this goes for her and Kaos too but theyre super protective of their friends and i love them for that

Pup: Pup! my boy! he's like. such a minor character, when i *eventually* get round to writing their fics he's probably only gonna be mentioned in Ime's a few times but he's just so funny? he's very similar to kaos in that responsibility comes knocking on his door and his first reaction is Nope. man just fucks off and leaves to live in the mountains with like 20 dogs and i think thats very cool of him

🌈

Kaos:

Likes: oooo interesting okay. he likes how resourceful he is; throw him in an unfamilar forest and he will 9 times out of 10 come out unscathed. he's very good at crafting and hunting and he probably deems those his highest qualities.

Dislikes: He doesn't like his vulnerability. heavy armor is way too clunky so he always feels exposed in just light armor, he can't travel by day or on roads because of his anxiety, which makes Lucien minorly annoyed and he hates that, and he hates the fact that he turns into a scared little child whenever he's in a settlement bigger than Shor's Stone. He sees himself as the big brother and that he needs to protect everyone and blames himself whenever he cant.

Anaëlle:

Likes: She's proud of her personality as a whole! She's very emotionally strong, stubborn, and would burn down the Imperial City itself to keep her people safe, but she's also incredibly gentle and generous, especially to children. She's proud of the fact that she's able to be a strong leader and a gentle friend when the need arises.

Dislikes: Her mother Donella always warned her that her impulsiveness would get her killed, so as much as she relies on it, she does dislike that part of herself. It's what's kept her alive so long, and it might be the death of her, and she's got no way of knowing until the wrong situation pops up. she doesn't like the uncertainty.

Pup:

Likes: Pup is very happy with the fact that he feels no need to chase adventure or be in the storybooks. They love their cousin Anaëlle to bits, but he does sometimes feel she's chasing an outcome that will never be. He's quite content with a life of solitude, training the clan's mountain dogs to be rescue dogs, and just wandering.

Dislikes: He's constantly worried he's pushing people away. He loves his family and his clan, but he just prefers being alone. He's always worried that they assume he's abandoned them, or that he doesn't care for any of them

#that was really really fun omg JSHDHSJD #thank you cozy beloved !! delving into Anaelle's especially was suuuper interesting i think i love her even more now #i might do some more of the questions just like #myself pick and choose a few because why not!#also Pup supremacy <3 #my ocs #oc: kaos #oc: anaelle #oc: pup #tes

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elaineiswithyou-blog · 3 years ago

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Hi im here for the matchups, the fandoms i would like are haikyuu, and mha

My name is Rex, im 15, i am also non binary and use they/them pronouns

i have like a caramel colored skin-tone and im 5’3 (short king). Rn i have a purple-pink short mullet and i have pretty curly hair(the ethnic popped off hehe), im pretty chubby but i have an hourglass shape, im pretty busty(im a fuckin k bro😭) and thicc thighs(thicc thighs save lives, sorry i’ll stop). I dress pretty alternative but i cant just choose one subculture tho, i wear a lot of heavy eye makeup. I could say i dress kinda “showy” but thats kinda what only fits me, but also who gives a fuck.

My hobbies include art (painting, drawing), sleeping (because i stay up mad late😭✌🏽), reading comics, Marvel and D.C superheroes, and super villains, cartoons, and anime/manga.

Im a libra sun, scropio moon, and gemini rising. This means that im a pretty social person and always wanna hang out with friends and just have fun, but moon in scropio makes my emotions rlly haywire and kinda boosts any sorta negative emotion. I really like making people laugh, it makes me feel helpful, but im also good at being to mother figure for people.

Likes: Drawing, Painting, Sleeping, going to party’s (only when i’m up for it), food

Dislikes: People who try to control me, mayo, most cishet men, racists, homophobes, ect

Favorite color: Purple and Black

Favorite sport: Don’t really watch sports but if i had to choose one i’d say basketball cause i know the most about it

Favorite animal: any very chunky animal

Favorite food*: Oreo Ice Cream

Do you have a pet*: Yes a Bullmastiff

Do you have any mental illnesses*: Chronic Anxiety and Major Depressive Disorder

Do you have any physical disabilities*: Kind of no, like a big fucking tittys that make my back hurt

Do you have any siblings*: Yes a younger sister

If so, what are they like*: annoying as hell, plus touches my stuff when i say no, so thats fun.

Do you speak any foreign languages*: Nope not that cool lol

Reading, writing, watching movies or playing videogames*: Watching movies and playing video games

What’s your job: Babysitting

What’s your dream job: Anything involving fashion or art

For MHA, I’d match you up with Kirishima. You both probably met at a party. You both are very old and social. You and Kirishima like comics and superheroes, so you both read and talk about the topic quite a bit. Most of your dates are pretty chill at home dates, but you guys got to parties and social gatherings a lot together, whenever you are up for it, that is. Get ready to know a ton about all kinds of sports. Seriously, Kirishima will talk your ear completely off about sports if you let him. He really likes your dog, and they get along well. Kirishima takes him for a walk if you don’t feel up for it.

For Haikyuu, I’d match you with Asahi for Haikyuu. You both meet in art class. He is much shyer than you are; he can’t not attract extroverts. You bring out a more social Asahi. You two paint with each other a lot, trying different styles or painting in various locations. He likes taking you on picnics to new areas like parks and painting. Your dog kind of scares him.

#bnha #mha #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu matchup #bnha matchup #mha matchup #matchup request #matchups #asahi haikyuu #mha kirishima #kirishima eijirou

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and-i-uh · 5 years ago

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6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

#actually autistic #autism #autism acceptance #special interest #ask #spin #spins #autistic

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swingxilly · 5 years ago

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20 random facts about yourself that might surprise people

I got tagged by @sapphicmadameumbralis, thanks friend!

Do you make your bed? Uh, I didnt use to but I tend to now. Its fairly new, I think I only started a bit over a year ago, when I moved away for half a year. But nothing fancy. Like. Only folding the blanket a bit usually. Bc I think its annoying if you have to remove all the pillows etc before being able to go to bed and stuff

What's your favourite number? Easy. 5. The story behind it is: I used to read a lot of manga. And usually they put like a character on the cover of the volumes. And very very often, not always but most of the time, on volume 5 was my favourite character. So I decided its my lucky number and it stuck

What's your job? Well its not really a job yet? More of a voluntary year? Its a thing in Germany, you get a bit of money and go to a few seminars and stuff. Mostly its to pass time until getting into university or whatever and getting a bit of experience. I work in a little library in town. Pretty sure it helped with my application business :D

If you could, would you go back to school? Oh, Id love to. Im a very nostalgic person, like... VERY. So. Idk! I miss my friends and how things were between us bc we all have changed and yknow kinda lost a few. I miss a lot and Im not gonna list it all bc I could probably write pages about this. Dont miss the less pleasant parts tho

Can you parallel park? Not yet but I hope I will in the future bc Im currently working on getting my drivers license. :') Lots of anxiety involved in that

A job you had which would surprise people? Im not sure if anything like that exists? At least not for me since I dont have a lot of life experience yet, so I cant think of anything rn. Im just 20 dude and Im scared of shit, so I'm not trying a lot of new stuff

Do you think aliens are real? Yeah. Universe is big, so why not 🤷‍♀️ Sounds reasonable to me

Can you drive a manual car? Im gonna go with yes. Dont have a license yet but as long as Im not in a crazy situation or inside a city, I should be fine. Country roads are fun. And manual cars, well we learn with manual ones here. Automatic isnt as common in Germany as far as I know. My aunts struggling to get a new one bc hers (its automatic) isnt in such a great shape anymore. And its not easy to find automatic cars that arent super expensive I believe? Idk, just what I heard

What's your guilty pleasure? Uh... Idk, everything I do? Does procrastinating count? Bc everything I do always feels like procrastinating all the time

Tattoos? Nope, I have commitment issues

Favourite colour? Yellow, orange and green

Things people do that drive you crazy? A lot. My mom and brother both smh love to not respond when you ask them sth. My brother especially loves to answer sth vague that doesnt answer anything at all. Idk, just one example, Im always annoyed about everything probably

Any phobias? Idk about phobias, just assume Im scared of everything. People, animals, being perceived, mistakes, the future, etc etc

Favourite childhood sport? There was a time when I was watching this volley ball anime and I REALLY loved volley ball. Batminton was also fun

Do you talk to yourself? All the time, constantly

What movie do you adore? Most Ghibli movies... Tangled I also really like and plan on rewatching.. Hmmm, I dont have an absolute favourite tho I think

Do you like doing puzzles? A few months ago I was a little obsessed with it. I had an app on my phone and would do puzzles while listening to some podcasts and it was a lot of fun. I kinda lost interest now tho

Favourite music? Oh boy, a lot of different things. A few soundtracks here and there, some bands here some there, its a mix

Tea or coffee? I hate both, but I drink tea when Im sick sometimes. I hate it tho

The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? An author?? I used to write stories and then I wrote together with a friend and now I dont write anymore. Also an artist probably? Aaalso a librarian bc my mom is one. (librarian is awfully close to barbarian and I love this actually? Just noticed it). The latter one Im currently actually going for

Im tagging... @rottentidepod and @hedwigs-art if you want to! Have fun if you do :D

#swingxilly talks #im too lazy to look for typos and stuff pls dont judge

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order-progress · 5 years ago

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I used to have a really entitled outlook on life. In my mind though, I was entitled to my thought processes because it was where my mind existed in the place having had come from a once far more turbulent era. Back then I didn't question things that werent outwardly obvious. I didnt question the unremarkable identities of things that exhibited no distinctions amongst one another. Life was a stream of experience, and I just did the best of choices I decided to arrange, or really actually, more like shuffle choices into a messy pile and pat myself in the back cause I could squint at it my mismatched pile of non related events and not feel guilty for putting off routine, structure and goals.

I guess it isnt so surprising to anticipate that like all my other experiences, disicpline would present itself when and if I needed it to be summoned out of wherever creative and yet very hard to imagine location i would imagine it arriving at some future, ambiguous date, just in time to make no work look like fancier no work and with ribbons on it.

Something very common happened to me, something that is happinning right now all around the world, no matter how many days, or years after i first posted this here.

My boyfriend broke up with me.

I wore my entitlement pretty high that day, because somehow, despite there having been no carefully executed plan made on ky end--some masterpiece scheme of genius where one could really see there existed some reasonable and healthy attention to tackle to fucking problem.

Nope. My mother fucking entitled ass decided id actually be shocked. Not even fake shocked. Thats how you know you have lost touch with your surroundings, because big things happen in your wake..while your awake and yet somehow your stuck on who killed the butler in the library with the candle stick.

What makes this one of the most significant event despite its occurance being fairly common globaly, is that his presence had caused me to become more aware of more of the things I would have otherwise taken in stride, none of these events were remarkable on their own, but collectivelly, I had inadvertantly cleaned up my mindspace to find neatly organized clusters of thoughts no longer blending into the subconcious like 70's urban grafitti.

I didnt hold that moment to some disporportionately skewed sugar coating scale just to get ribbons on them after they were organized,I just acknowledged them, like a breath,where as before, they were simply obstacles or pit stops that would perpetuate the chronic attention deficit I had welcomed into my head. I like to think of ADD as the worlds most innefective street sweepers, they sweep alright, but they just make a bigger mess and then you got things in places they have no business being in.

I was in a place of low self worth because of an accumulated collection of short lived and half assed adventures, disastrous endeavers and the nefarious presence of something so obscured, so black and forboding, made me avoid certain places for simply not wanting to deal with the house keeping it wouldve required to mitigate its destructive intentions.

I kept myself busy to not force the acknowledgent that this would become a source of not only my insecuruties, but then in addition to its ever increasing interconnectedness, its complexity. Its chambers that hardened like a mystical kight of armor, whose drawers were full of destructive objects and thoughts that rattled in their confinement as a means of foreshadowing something so sinister, I could not then yet fathom the destrutive ways its icy talons would engulf and twist into my everyday life simply to create chaos, and it didnt register that this was a problem because amidst this battle royale of fragments and bits of poorly put together patterns, Francisco's presense was a light whose emimation lulled me into a complacecy I hadnt anticipated

It wasnt that in this period, that I conciously made a decision to disregard the growing issue, it was the novelty of being in a loving, beautiful and mature relationship with someone that as each day grew, so did my conviction that this person was becoming the brightest fixture in an ever cramped confined hallway of possibilities.

As I stood there aware of this moment, feeling a satisfaction and a gratitude I had never felt before, I realized that I had come so far on autopilot, it was a move that was almost instinctual, I rolled my sleeves up, put on the rocky theme song, got my gym bag ready, went and bought like every stupid unessecary stupid trinket shit people buy to feel like their getting a handle and a good start on some shit, but really it just becomes the infuriating bag of junk that is now the obstacle between you and the door handle to exit your car and actually start your project.

I felt a sense of urgency, I saw how unequipped I had been and while I was and it was this moment that taught me how much I loved him. I reckognized that somehow I was one of those fucking weirdos that jumped through those seedy ass short cut type scenarios in life to give you the same effect of the real thing in less the time, kind of like a GED vs high school diploma, or plan b instead of condoms.

I recognized that there was an innate element of unneccesary risk involved in many of my accomplishments. The risk was usually always a concious decision that I would accept a certain amount of totally unnecessary consequences that typically would define the life of those people who you catch specific glimpses of in mysterious times like dawn or dusk. And be like..yea i could totally see that guy having to figure out what to do with the llama he inherited as a result of some gamble.

This was no longer an acceptable risk. It wasnt that i thought it was dangerous or scare him away, its that I am not the kind of man that wakes up and sees the problems his factory has and finally knows how to fix it and then just be okay with going to bed and put it off.

This is where I get annoyed again. I knew that I wasnt capable of actively doing something against him, because we both agreed on things, and also neither of us was completely high as fucking kite on methamphetamines while operating a forklift to tune a paino yet.

I couldnt ever feel bad about atheletes who ugly cried after being disqualified for juicing to get an unfair advantage in the sports world.

Yet once again my overwhelming confidence, my lovable man mentality of "fuck a map or tools you got grit, spit and teeth". Prevailed.

Im mad because it was this moment right here. In a sea of me being happy to grow and learn and doing the rignt thing. I saw a place i overlooked, its presence was almost like a marker that there were many other areas i needed to work on, and i got sad.

I didnt feel good enough. I felt like a mess. I felt dissapointed at the pride in nothing I had taken so many times. I was finally proud of the changes i was making again, only to be reminded in a very real way of how I never had structure, never had a fail safe implemented effectively to instead of adopting either anxiety or no fucks about an event that could have been in my power to mitigate, i either didnt even notice I missed it, or didnt care.

As I started seeing the mountain of work I had to do, I wondered what it meant about how effectively i could handle other things moving forward, it was an irrational fear that I had that I would dissapoint him because I wanted us to be happy. But i am an artistic person, people who work with details to make a larger picture learn early on how to work details, and I never evaluated just how shoddy my altertanitive crash course was like getting PlAN B instead of putting a condom on.

I can handle pressure effectively. I can be okay with my decisions. What I cant do is open up a factory, see everything that was negelcted when I now know how to fix it, and then go to sleep like nothing bothered me.

I never in my life found myself in a place where i came face to face with old life and it made me feel sad or humilated. I felt like a fraud for just having gotten lucky that everytning worked out, while he worked hard.

I suddenly felt something I never experienced before, fear in love. The moment where you realize your not a piece of shit because you actually dont want to let someone down, the moment when you feel bad because you walked around in life with luck you didnt give a second thought to and passed it off as hard work. And here was this beautiful man, whose life was suffering and hard work, and you realized all of it at once, and there I was, eager fucking beaver captain america man of the house cause now i feel like a god damned engineer since i could assemble an ikea 3 piece wrench-back the fuck up motherfuckers.

I just felt humbled and i felt driven. I also felt the pressures rise up around me and I dont know why I couldnt look away from the sight of the realization of how id been. And its not like i did it all on purpose, but from that moment on, it was as if I had something to prove to myself that at that time I couldnt understand yet because I hadnt reflected yet. And as I was taking the scenic route on ways to "punish yourself is actually how we fucking motivate ourselves around here cus were fucking men" the bigger I created something inside me that wasnt ever there. And then as the places that I had been tendering to and growing in started to not be kept, pressure in my life at home happened. And for the first time in my entire life I was embarrassed at my life.

I remember the moment I felt it, my mom leaving me at work after I lost my car. I walked 2 miles in the cold because i was infuriated that I allowed another event I could have forseen to happen.

I never in my life reflected this intensley on my actions before. Having him in my life made me realize I had been holding myself to a higher standard because I am at my best when I when I am actively building towards something. I opened a place in me I never saw with those eyes and it hurt me. I tried to let him in, and to be honest, the insecurities of him seeing all that mortiified me..not because I would be seen as a slob or this or that, i was just dissapointed that I for a time during when I needed it the most in my early life, I wasnt necessarily taught healthy ways to do things. Mostly because I came to this country at 10, didnt know english, parents worked all the time until i was 16 and then dad got sick with brain cancer and we caught it after he had a seizure cause dad apperently loved moonlighting as my biggest fan when he would go reading my journal at night.

I didnt know how to explain it to francisco. I was feeling. New concept, i was feeling out of sync, i didnt understand why it hit me so hard. I was trying to look away and orient myself on the present.

I could have just dealt with that. But i suddenly felt raw and vulnerable. My boyfriend and I were getting into arguments because I just wanted us to be closer due to this need i didnt know how to vocalize about what I was going through, and he hesitated because he probably thought id leave him if i saw his dirty secrets.

That was the one thing he really never appreciated about my love. I just knew. If everything else was as evident ..like this feelings and where they came from and how to process them healthy while ...it just all got too much. I didnt know how to tell him what I needed. I just needed him.

I started to feel like i wasnt tethered to the focused areas I was so eager to work in. I just kept telling myself communication is key we will get through it.

Then I the drugs did something I didnt expect them to. They turned off this guilt and switch. They gave me the quiet to make them come down to a more manegeable place where I wasnt overwhelmed anymore.

Because I couldnt process this in words at the time, i didnt know how to express that to him. It led to me feeling guilty for not understanding why i enjoyed doing the drugs aside from the stimulant effect. When i tried to explain it to him, it was like trying to coin a cheesy motto for a doomed cereal commercial in french, basically everuthing sounded like something he had no understamding or could relate to.

I started feeling depressed because i could see that although from his perspective we were fighting..

I was even more frustrated becauese we werent fighting. I was pretty much crying, trying to tell him in french something he didnt understand while he was yelling at me in english about me not respecting him by not speaking english.

This was the worst fucking part. Because part of the issue that led me here was accountabiliyy and communication.

I kept telling him in the only way i knew how.please im sorry i know things are getting worse. But this isnt how we are.

I thought we could get through anything.

In his mind he saw a piece of something, he ignored my emotional attachment to it..and i mean i cant blame him, other people never quit.

But even in those moments i knew i wasnt going to be other people.

And suddenly i was alone. I was depressed. I had realized that it wasnt us that was th issue so i tried so hard to communicate more effectively that he got frustrated and said i talked in loops. I felt so alone because i understood his frustration and i just needed him to trust me. But that was the perfect storm when i just got so alone feeling from his inability to just not look at me how i felt at myself. And i honestly tried to fix it in the middle of him running away and the most painful thing was that he couldnt understand and i didnt know how to say it.

I dont blame him for leaving

But a part of me breaks to my very core to know that if he just literally lookrd at me like yes i was going crZy but i was just hurting and overwhelmed.

All i wanted and needed was him.

The worst. Pain was that he didnt see that.

And i needed to explain it. And he didnt let me.

I felt like i was desperatly trying to express something of real explaination. I just honestly was desperate to because he was running.

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niixell · 5 years ago

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"lets get personal." answer as many as you wanna! if thats meands allof them tn go for it!!!

Hell Yeah imma do all of them!!!! ty!!!!! sorry some of the answers are really boring or short

1. you and Jennifer-bulow, Chlorine-twenty one pilots, missing you-all time low, water fountain-Alec Benjamin, blame it on my youth-blink-182. It was difficult to choose 6 songs cause usually i just put a playlist on shuffle, but this is pretty good representation of whats in it

2. uhhhh, probably Phil Lester cause I look up to him alot and I want to know what’d he’d be like in person

3. ofc it was “this book is gay” the line is “wowsers, this whole gay thing is a lot more complicated then Glee lead us to believe”

4. ngl, how fucking gay i am for certain people

5. pretty boring, it’s “yeahhh”

6. not completely naked, but not in full pajamas

7. i can pop 3 of my fingers completely in and out of their socket

8. Girls, guys, and non-binary pals are fucking attractive and pretty and nice and im rlly fuckin gay.

9. yup, one of my ex’s did, it was rlly sweet

10. no clue, air drums woulda been yesterday though

11. not rlly, nope!

12. probably, not that i remember though

13. don’t got one

14. wanting to go inside or im at the ocean

15. behind behind behind, i hate being on camera

16. currently...uhhhhhhh......P!ATD probably

17. How are you? “I’m ok”

18. not rlly nope, do believe some people defiantly deserve it though

19. its extreamly complicated. Toby’s my name, and I’m bored

20. Weakness is probably my anxiety. Strength would be...... I can pick up new talents up pretty quicky i guess

21. don’t have one. got people i admire, but not a crush

22. yup, in the lake during the summer once

23. Now that I think about it....I don’t know

24. so, so, so many things. I am an absolute gremlin

25. depending on the people, only time im on the phone is playing mc though so. phone ig

26. maybe? im still “becoming”

27. love: the crunch of refrozen snow. hate: the bus engine which sucks cause i gotta ride it every day

28. what if I fail

29. Ghosts yes, 99% sure my house is haunted as it used to be a doctors office in the 1920s. Aliens 100%. youd have to be an idiot to think that theres not some sort of other life in the entire universe

30. My computer that im typing this on with both arms

31. apple pie filling that I made

32. alberta

33. west west west west west

34. i don’t have an opposite gender

35. the meaning of my life is to study some fucking orcas

36. creation of something new

37. sometimes!

38. pretty grey and boring. maybe rainy, im not sure, im not by any windows

39. 4:28, though it feels like 7. today has gone so slowly

40. Yes and yes. though i only bumped someones truck while learning to park so it wasnt to bad

41. the book needed for # 3!!

42. enh, kinda?

43. not rlly.

44. film? idk but watching something? im watching bnha right now for the 3rd time

45. ive broken my arm and sprained my ankle but im not sure what was worse

46. yeah!! i was in mexico and they would come land on me!

47. well. Orcas. Bnha. thats pretty much my entire personality

48. Panromanic Demisexual

49. that I cheated on my ex which is compleate bullshit

50. yes!!!

51. sometimes and depends on the situation

52. Aquarius!

53. i need to save it but i spend it. im sucky at saving

54. some food cause im a hungry bitch

55. love<3

56. nope

57. 3 as of current

58. yup!!

59. at school and at work. glad thats over

60. a pan flag hanging on my ceiling

61. yeah. my feet are cold

62. ORCAS

63. i dont really have one. i just hang out with people who like the same stuff and we bond over that

64. shes probably at her house while talking to me on discord rn. hey look @krarshadow, youre part of the asks I told you about

65. @seriously--fuck--you @krarshadow @official-lucifers-child @thatsthat24 @kitkatthegaybean

66. no clue

67. having a shower i think

68. morningstar

69. nah

70. some of the time. other times im an annoying little shit who shouldn’t be allowed to interact with anyone

71. save the dog and run to work on time. then get fired for refusing to get rid of the dog

72. tell certain people, hang out in my friends classes and not bother with my own, enh, id just be sad I wouldnt see my friends again

73. love as love builds trust

74. I really dont know. I have a playlist called “calming???” and that helps make me not sad

75. ***-***-2083

76. communication. this goes for any kind of relationship, not just romantic

77. i dont know!!!! romantic stuff is confusing and telling the different between liking someone and liking someone is sometimes fucking difficult

78. oh hell yes. one hundred percent

79. wanting to study orcas as a tiny child. its given me something to always look towards and work for

80. 8-91/2

81. i don’t want on. mix my ashes with glitter and throw me into the ocean

82. Sonder, its a pretty boring word but the meaning is cool. “ The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it. “

83. blood

84. *screams are heard in the distance*

85. You and Jennifer apparently

86. blue. but like a Logan Sanders or Tuesday blue

87.

88. my dad

89. situational. there are ones i don’t want to answer, but nothing i can think of where im scared of the truth

90. kill all but one and strap that one on a table and unwrap and dissect it

91. shapeshifting (gotta love that definatly creative answer from a trans person right there)

92. seeing orcas

93. my fucking childhood trauma

94. what the fuck. do people actually wanna sleep with them???? thats creepy as fuck man

95. Tofino, BC (no surprise there, its really easy to see orcas off the coast)

96. Its my fatherrrrrrrr

97. uhhhhh, no, but i did right after getting out of the car once

98. many times! real fun! i quite like plane rides if i get my own space

99. Fuck terfs. Trans rights

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ethospathoslogan · 6 years ago

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this was supposed to be a really quick post on a certain thing from the new video and, instead, it got really long and i don’t think it makes any sense

also might be an unpopular opinion so let’s see how this goes omfg

ngl once all the holiday excitement dwindles down, im gonna rewatch the new sanders sides video and Actually watch it (so probably tm night), but there has been something abt the new video that i’ve been sitting on today

and it’s that i felt really bad for virgil in it

like, to be blunt, as someone who has been the friend who isn’t taken seriously and who has been the butt of jokes before, it’s a really shitty feeling to not be taken seriously. it’s why i felt bad for logan in “moving on, part one,” because i felt for him. in that moment, that was when i realized that logan was My Dude and the side that i felt most connected with bc that was when i truly got logan, when i understood his need to be taken seriously and listened to, and also his confusion/inability to handle feelings like that.

and, watching the new video last night, i felt the same towards virgil

like, granted, i myself did not think virgil was scary, nor have i ever thought virgil was actually scary, but the sides, for a long time, found him, at the very least, concerning. and then, with “accepting anxiety,” that fear became acceptance but, over time, i think that acceptance became.... i don’t want to say “disregard,” bc that sounds really invalidating and harsh, but i guess sorta disregard??? and, like, with that video yesterday, virgil was trying to be scary. and, no, it’s not like it was out of malice, he just wanted to give the other sides a good scare w/ his blood and fangs and a knife

and, like, lbr, a year ago in sanders sides, virgil would’ve probably scared the living shit out of them (like how he literally wanted to)

but then he didn’t, and, now be liberal w/ me here bc i watched that video at like 12:30am, weren’t all the sides like “oh hi virgil” and (okay i just went back and watched the beginning to refresh myself) then roman was like “nope not scary like that” and logan went off on how virgil isn’t “doing his job” and patton was, altho trying to be encouraging... yes kinda patronizing, but i’ll get to that

and like idk, thomas said himself, “it’s good you’re not scary bc you’re part of the group!!!” which, idk, to me it sounded like, “you can’t be scary if you’re in the group.” which i guess was dealt with in the video but??? still is, ngl, kinda pretty invalidating. which, again, was dealt w/, so i digress

okay now ngl i right now as i type this at my kitchen table, am kinda hesitating to talk more abt this next point bc i have a feeling it’s probably an unpopular opinion and also i feel like i might be attacked if i “””speak against””” (using the terms loosely) this certain side but

i,,,, completely totally 110% get why virgil is kinda pushing back from patton???

like don’t get me wrong, i love patton and he has a special place in my heart, but i was, ngl, kinda happy to hear that the cute nicknames were gonna stop bc i had a feeling that was starting to grind virgil’s gears. and, w/ that, i guess we get into my actual point??? god this post is a mess im so sorry

basically, as someone who hasn’t been taken seriously before by people who mean the world to me, i completely get why virgil is sorta pushing back against patton, even if patton is trying to change his approach to virgil and also still be encouraging

one of the first moments that stood out to me is patton telling virgil to try and be scary again, virgil doing so, and an awkward silence passing over before patton forces himself to act scared. and, with that, virgil says to him, “put your pants back on, don’t patronize me”

like??? i felt that line. i felt it a lot. esp the “don’t patronize me” point. bc, honestly, virgil isn’t a child. he doesn’t need to be coddled. honestly, he probably would’ve rathered just been told “not scary” than have his best friend obviously overcompensate fear to placate him in a way that is kinda like a pity clap. i realize that wording might sound kinda harsh, but it’s kinda true. not like patton was actively trying to do that, it was just in his nature, but it still got on virgil’s nerves

and, yes, i feel bad for patton bc he’s trying his best, but i think i will always feel worse for virgil in this moment??? like idk if this is necessarily an unpopular opinion, but i’m gonna feel worse for the “injured party” than the one who did the “injuring” (using the terms loosely bc it’s not like patton is actively trying to piss off virgil)

and then another moment that stood out to me was when virgil was actually like, “patton, chill out!” or something like that. again, not rewatching the entire video, so idk exactly when it happens, but ik it happened bc i replayed virgil saying it one or two more times

and like...... okay i feel like we’ve been knew that idk where i’m going with this, but that’s another thing that i felt from virgil. like i can feel his frustration and his want to be taken seriously bc, as stated, it’s a lot like what i’ve felt w/ logan. and, as seen, his frustration was enough for him to be like, “patton, enough!” bc, honestly, to me, it seems like virgil just wants to be treated normally??? he wants to be treated like an equal friend and, w/ that, he doesn’t need compensation or pity. and, even if patton doesn’t mean for it to come off that way, it’s still how virgil is interpreting it. and i think he sees that patton’s trying, but it’s kinda like when he and roman were first fixing their friendship and roman would do 180 flips on his insults (”good at making virgil para-viGILANT!!! PARAVIGILANT!!!”)

like, i think what i’m trying to get at is......... if we were to break this down to it’s most oversimplified terms, im on virgil’s “””side””” in this one

and i think im thinking abt this so much bc i’ve seen a lot of posts almost like... looking past virgil in this??? which is shocking tbh bc, to be fair, so many of the logan/roman videos were interpreted to be abt virgil/patton and the moment there’s a virgil video, suddenly it becomes not abt virgil like, i’ve seen a lot of posts feeling bad for patton and thinking of the angst that can come from patton being told to chill out, and that isn’t bad!!! hell, i love patton, and i can see where people are coming from!!! this isn’t me bashing anyone!!!

but i do think it’s important to point out that, yes, patton might be struggling with the fact that he’s, well, struggling on how to work with his best friend in a way that is loving but also suitable for virgil, but virgil is the one who is the actual “injured party”? i use the term “injured” loosely bc, to me at least, it looked like virgil was more annoyed than anything but, again, speaking from experience, my own annoyance and aggravation eventually lead to me crying hysterically on one best friend and lashing out at another (all is well now tho so we good).

so i think what i’m trying to say overall is that, yes, i get where patton’s own confusion and such is coming from!!! it’s difficult to deviate from habits!!! but i think virgil’s part in this shouldn’t be overlooked. like, yes, patton has to learn how to adjust his type of love, which can be difficult, but virgil is the one who, frankly, seemed to feel kinda bad from it??? i mean, i can’t blame him, if i was called/treated like a child who needed coddling all the time, i would start to reach the end of my rope, too

this post got so away from me, im kinda hesitant to post it. basically, i really felt for virgil, im more concerned w/ how he’s doing, and i saw a lot of similarities between him and logan in that episode (even tho i wanted to tell logan to stop being a dick abt virgil not being able to “””do his job”””) (logan ily ur my fave side but u were a dick)

so, yeah, im really sorry if my shitty post made you lose braincells lmao, i kinda lost where i was going w/ this and just rambled

#personal #ts spoilers #///#////#///////#///////////#///////////////#virgil sanders

35 notes · View notes

perchtdont · 5 years ago

Text

tag game!

was tagged by @happygirl327 ! thank you !! (gonna put it under the cut)

Favourite snack?

hmm Soletti (bretzel sticks)

Favourite place to go on vacation?

cant travel cause of my anxiety disorder but i really loved staying in rab (croatia) some years ago

What’s a song that makes you dance immediately?

i dont dance but i guess every 70′s and 80′s bop lol

Tea or coffee? And what kind?

herbal tea!

Do you play any instrument?

nope

What’s your favourite type of personality?

uhm .. being nice and respectful i guess?

Favorite comedian?

ufff anything austrian and bavarian tbh

Gummy candy or chocolate?

chocolate!

What did you ‘want to be when you grew up’ as a kid?

i never knew, and still dont know

What’s your favorite physical feature about yourself?

my freckles

When was the last time you watched a show or movie on a TV?

on tv? cant remember, i only watch youtube and netflix nowadays, last show or movie? .. i watched some history documentary if that counts

Unpopular Opinion?

........ idk if that counts but: people barely care for context nowadays

Are you scared of bugs?

BIG YES

Cats or dogs?

cats, dogs are alright but cats, perfection.

Are you allergic to any foods?

kinda, nuts and some fruits, nothing critical but its annoying

Does the description of your star sign match your personality?

mostly yeah

Favorite type of accent?

slavic and gaelic accents

Name the first song that comes into your head!

Deutschland - Rammstein

Who is the sexiest famous person to you?

,,,,,,,,,,, Seth Rollins

Cake or pie?

cake!!

When was the last time you read an entire book?

.. 2 or 3 years ago ;; i barely read

Favorite junk food?

a good mcdonalds cheesburger

Do you like your height?

nah, im smol and its annoying

Apples or oranges?

apples!

What’s your favorite personality trait in a person?

honesty and empathy

Do you like salad?

nope, only potato salad, cant stand the texture of leaves

What person inspires you the most?

as i grew up it was chester bennington, he got so far despite his struggles, horrible that they still won in the end .. now its pretty much anyone who i can relate to with my health struggles

What is a song that has made you cry?

deadass cant remember, i guess some beautiful game ost

#dont feel like tagging anyone #do it if ya want!

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coffee-styles · 3 years ago

Text

EXPOSE TIMEEEEE🙃

(my friend dared me for this one, haven’t read it yet so I’m nervous...here I goooo)

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

kind of...it’s a mess but I try

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

one of my bff’s, Anna

03: Do you regret anything?

if living or having my existence in a human-natural form counts...yes

04: Are you insecure?

VERY. From head to toe😃

05: What is your relationship status?

Single bc I’m a mentally unstable Libra with ptsd, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, mental breakdowns daily and honest which makes me mean

06: How do you want to die?

✨ Suicide ✨

07: What did you last eat?

Hot Cheetos

08: Played any sports?

Umm...soccer?

09: Do you bite your nails?

I used to

10: When was your last physical fight?

Nothing serious or anything but today. My crush called one of my bff’s Anna a bitch and then called her a midget, then stole my other bff’s (Izzy) her sketch book and got them both mad....SO, I pulled his hair and his shirt making him choke and I made him say sorry or I threatened I’d break the hair out of his skull. So now I’m sort of over him other than the fact that he looked sad or smth after that and I felt bad😃 (help meee)

11: Do you like someone?

Too. Fucking. Many.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Damn essay due in 2 days...guess how many words🙃

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

MANY people for MANY reasons...I listen (and sing) to songs that remind me of them

14: Do you miss someone?

My normal self in the past as a kid

15: Have any pets?

2 puppies

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Somewhat good...I have a stuffy nose so......

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

NOPE

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Hell yeah!

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

FUCK YEAH!

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

Outside school parking lot

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Nothing much really, ik the holidays is coming up but im all set! weird, i have the gifts ready and wrapped, i have the names listed on them, i actually KNOW what im doing and where im going...anyways, I’m going to Port St. Lucie for Christmas and South Carolina for New Years!!!

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Maybe, just one...they’re too...not annoying (well, kind of) but just loud and sometimes hard to take care of

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

In pairs? 2 which is my earrings and my piercings on top of my ear (so my earlobe)

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Art and music...no hesitation

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

My Pre-K teacher...she just LOVED everything and everyone. She used to play Queen on Friday’s and we’d have freeze dance and extra recess (idk how it’s extra recess if it’s literally Pre-K)

26: What are you craving right now?

Pizza and fries or cheese burger with bacon and fries

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Nope

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup🙃

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Mmm...no actually now that I think about it

30: What’s irritating you right now?

Little sister😊

31: Does somebody love you?

My bff, Anna, has a friend who lives in Texas that finds me cute, not sure about “being in love”

32: What is your favourite color?

Light purple, light blue (not baby blue), black and that vintage kind of brown

33: Do you have trust issues?

Eh...if I know you and we get along very well, you’re good

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

Can’t remember, mostly nightmares...and living in a dorm by yourself with no one at night is HORRIFYING

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My bff, Izzy

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

Not really?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forget

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

I guess you can call it that

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

16...I made a fool out of myself when this cute guy in school kissed me and I fell in love but a week later when I literally exposed my feelings to him, he said he already had a girlfriend and it was just a dare. I COULD’VE moved countries but noooo.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Naked-naked, no. With a robe, no. With a hoodie, yes. With a long and baggy shirt, yes.

51: Favourite food?

Pizza and french friesssss

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Not really...5th grade fucked up my brain REAL hard

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Cry myself to Larry Stylinson edits and proof

54: Is cheating ever okay?

55: Are you mean?

I’m honest...I say what I think, that’s what makes me mean.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

4 and I don’t regret it

57: Do you believe in true love?

Uh, YEAH

58: Favourite weather?

WINTERRRRR

59: Do you like the snow?

HELL FUCKING YEAH

60: Do you wanna get married?

HELL FUCKING NO (im still waiting for 1d to get back and for Larry to get married, then we can talk✋🏼🙄)

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

mmm...yes?

62: What makes you happy?

Harry Styles, Larry Stylinson edits and the Marvel cast

63: Would you change your name?

Probably not

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

YES!

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I’m a female, so they’d be a boy...a boy bestfriend....oh! umm...slap the shit out of them

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

NOPE!

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My crushhhh

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My tea spillers, Anna and Izzy ❤

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

hands down, YES

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

MANY people😊

Go ahead and ask

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

03: Do you regret anything?

04: Are you insecure?

05: What is your relationship status?

06: How do you want to die?

07: What did you last eat?

08: Played any sports?

09: Do you bite your nails?

10: When was your last physical fight?

11: Do you like someone?

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

14: Do you miss someone?

15: Have any pets?

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

18: Are you scared of spiders?

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

26: What are you craving right now?

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

30: What’s irritating you right now?

31: Does somebody love you?

32: What is your favourite color?

33: Do you have trust issues?

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

51: Favourite food?

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

54: Is cheating ever okay?

55: Are you mean?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

57: Do you believe in true love?

58: Favourite weather?

59: Do you like the snow?

60: Do you wanna get married?

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

62: What makes you happy?

63: Would you change your name?

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

9K notes · View notes

spiffysixxsense · 6 years ago

Note

hi yes helllo, i am here to fulfill my annoying bestfriend obligation and make you answer all of the nosy asks

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

I love you too! Also why are you screaming?

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

technically, yes. I have class on Tuesdays at 11, which is later than either of my jobs start. But Wednesday’s are usually my one day off so tomorrow Im SLEEEEPINGGGG

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

Not a question, but yes I agree.

4: Do you have siblings?

Nope, just me myself and I.

5: How many kids do you want?

I go back and forth between saying having kids sounds awful, and saying I want to create a stable family life for myself and children. On a children kinda day, I would say at most 3, most likely 2.

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

Alex (here we go with the every answer is about @reddragon8000)

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

Well, my boyfriend is 9 inches taller than me, however if he looks down and I look up I don’t HAVE to go on my toes. So to answer the question, I think no.

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

I hope he would?

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

My Grandpa :)

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

No, it was at my door as he left my apartment.

11: When’s your birthday?

May 7th

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

Yes, it was 2 years and 5 days ago♥

13: What kind of phone do you have?

Samsung Galaxy 8

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

I am wearing jean high waisted shorts

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

Yes and no to be honest. I feel like 5 years ago I imagined being much farther in life than I currently am. Meaning I’m not as different as I hoped I would be.

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

Actually, sleeping for once.

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

When I give a speech, I just essentially write a paper and then memorize it. So I would choose paper just to eliminate some steps.

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

Answered

19: Last night you felt…?

Stressed about the presentation I had to give today.

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

To graduate? I guess? Even that I’m scared for too though.

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

I honestly don’t think so. I have just not told them where I’m going, and not even because it was “bad”, but because they didn’t ask.

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

about 5.

23: Are you a morning or night person?

Buddy I am barely even a person. (I am SUCH a night person though.)

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

Diving in the grass playing volleyball.

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

Yes. (except the bot texts I get about congress lol)

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

I answer it slightly worried because he never calls me out of the blue, but happy to answer it.

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

No, a doorway

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

My ex, probably.

29: How many months until your birthday?

10 lol

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

Apples

31: Did you like this past summer?

It was fine, so sure.

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

laying in bed on my phone.

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

Tell her to run. Or just leave because thats still awkward af.

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

“Not recently, Ill take care of him“

35: Your mood summed into one word?

Broken? Like mentally over it?

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

Listening/split screen watching to ASMR

37: What are your initials?

GLT

38: Are you a happy person?

Externally , yes. Internally, no.

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

Yes, I have been dating the person I like for 2 years. lol

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

I have never really thought about it because I never planned to live that long. Staying in Michigan is honestly fine with me.

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

Yes, 2 months ago.

42: What did you do yesterday?

Went to my internship in Downtown Detroit. Got Qdoba with my mom.

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

SLEEEEPING

44: How late did you stay up last night?

About 3 am

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

Yes.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

Depends on the moment. Sometimes nothing makes me laugh and other times someone can say pudding and ill crack up.

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

No. You can claim youre friends, but it is never the same afterwards.

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

Answered

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

Well I got with my ex of 4 years in august of 2012, so at least one.

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

I guess not.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Only once, and it was only the bottom half of my hair.

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

No, the stress, worry, and insecurity would never go away.

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

No, I was sick as hell.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

I mean I kinda always miss Alex when I don’t see him all day. Lame, I know.

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

Recommend how to take care of it, probably.

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

Stomach.

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

maybe the Upper Peninsula of Michigan? always seems cute and quaint up there.

58: What would you change about your life right now?

My family relationships, my anxiety.

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

Well my boyfriend and I got a flat tire on vacation a week ago? lol

60: Are you on the phone?

No, I never am actually talking on the phone.

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

Forward.

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

40k, could help pay for a car but this way I still have options.

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

Yes, when youre sober it is pretty hilarious.

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

Once.

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

I can’t think of a specific time, but Im SURE i have.

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

AT HOME. my favorite days are the ones where i never have to leave.

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

yes.

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

I think so.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

At this very moment i took a 2 hour nap a while ago, so im okay.

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

Given I am 22 with no kids, I am gonna say no.

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

Of course? doesnt it bother everybody?

72: What’s your favorite color?

like dark teal, blue/green.

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

Yes. Sometimes without AC so as far away as possible while in the same bed lol.

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

Yes, anytime I am on the phone for some reason I am always looking for my phone.

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

Y E S S S S S

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

Sure, even though I am taken, it would still be a little flattering.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

Yes, although I tend not to tell anybody everything.

78: Does anyone call you babe?

Alex does

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

1. 2 including my dad.

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

Relationship, but if you wanna one night stand then go ahead.

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

Black

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

Yes, both in the not in my life anymore and not on this Earth anymore.

5 notes · View notes

alicedoessurveys · 7 years ago

Text

65 Questions

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I have moments where it blows my mind that other people have thoughts too. like, I have a constant running commentary in my head and when I think about the fact that other people do as well im like okay thats insane

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

about 3. its not the dark that scares me its the fact that I can't see whats around me when its dark and that makes me uncomfortable

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Kim Jong-Un

4. What is your favorite word?

‘bollocks’, idk why it just makes me laugh whenever I say it or hear anyone else say it

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

idk the names of trees

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ugh my skin is suffering

7. What shirt are you wearing?

grey marauders map sweatshirt

8. What do you label yourself as?

annoying

9. Bright room or dark room?

bright; but warm lights not cold fluorescent lights

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

trying to sleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

12. Who told you they loved you last?

nick

13. Your worst enemy?

myself

14. What is your current desktop picture?

my family with the dogs

15. Do you like someone?

yes

16. The last song you listened to?

‘the other side’ from Greatest Showman

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

thats too much responsibility. someone horrible who causes misery and suffering to others

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

I actually can't think of anyone specific

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I dont want a slave

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

I like my eye colour

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

Im so boring idk

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im good at making friends with animals

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

balloons

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

im not a huge sandwich fan, I just like cheese

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

I wouldn't spend it, id give it to my grandad because I owe him so much money

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

either American Disneyland or Italy

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Koppaberg

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

make the effort to do at least one act of kindness a day

29. What is your favorite expletive?

I already said earlier, ‘Bollocks’

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

my little suitcase of tickets and memories that I keep in my room

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

the time my family and my uncles family got into a huge fight and we didn't speak for years. some horrible things were said & I still really struggle to forget what my uncle said to me so it would be nice to erase that

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Italy here I come

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

my great grandmother Frances. I never got to meet her but my mom tells me that were very similar and that we would get on really well. I would love to spend time with her

34. What was your last dream about?

I dont remember, I have really boring dreams

35. Are you a good friend?

I hope so

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

yes 3 times but I was very young for two times so I dont remember. thankfully the time I was old enough to remember I didn't have to stay over in over night. I was there for 10 hours then they let me leave. I was supposed to stay in for observation but because they saw how distressed I was I was allowed to go home.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

im not wearing any atm

39. What type of music do you like?

a mix of music. I like pop, 80′s, disney, musicals, bit of indie and rock

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrise

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Aston Villa

43. Do you have any scars?

yes. I have quite a big one on my stomach from when my appendix burst. I have a small one on my wrist from when I accidentally cut myself with a fossil on the beach as a kid, and I have one on my hand from when I burnt myself a few Christmases ago while baking

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

n/a

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id remove my anxiety

46. Are you reliable?

I think so yes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are you happy

48. Do you hold grudges?

I try not to

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

well my two favourite animals are a dog and a meerkat so maybe a dog sized meerkat..?

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I have way too many unusual conversations with Rhys and I can't even tell you what they were about because I dont really know myself

51. Are you a good liar?

no, im the worst :’)

52. How long could you go without talking?

probably a couple days

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

when I was like 5 I cut my own fringe and it was a disaster

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes, I love baking

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

not very well nope

56. What do you like on your toast?

beans and cheese. I hate toasts without beans

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

I drew nick in his costume for the show we were in

58. What would be you dream car?

I always wanted a smart forfour and thats what I have now. the net car I would like would be something like a Kia Sportage

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

yes

60. Do you believe in aliens?

nope

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

when it comes up on snapchat yes

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons

64. What do you think about babies?

not a fan tbh :’) which sucks because I live with foster babies

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

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narcissusanasui · 7 years ago

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all of an 😎

*em. all of em. jesus christ.

god katie, fInE (but thanks, cherie, love yo

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

Read Les Mis, watch Game of Thrones and Voltron, listen to folk rock (especially Phillip Phillips and Mumford & Sons)

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Never really thought about that, but the writing styles of Dickens, Doyle, and Austin always stick in my head so i guess them???

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

katie NO, that’s TOO MUCH. so i guess i’ll just give examples of the ones that i have actually thought about relating to:

Katara from A:tla was like THE strong female character of my childhood. Guarantee that she made me a feminist

Lance from Voltron because i spent way too much time like 4th grade through 11th worrying that i was that “seventh wheel” and thinking that i didn’t have a lot of skill and i wanna support my friends so yeah

Yuuri Katsuki from Yuri on Ice. look what the world did to this guy - he’s got anxiety

Ennoshita Chikara from Haikyuu because BOI I ALWAYS GET SHOVED INTO HAVING TO LEAD PEOPLE BUT IT TOOK ME YEARS TO UNDERSTAND IT

Sugawara Koushi from Haikyuu. i am the Mom Friend and i will fight you

4. do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?

i do like my name. my parents almost named me Colleen - which i don’t think fits, but then again i believe that we all grow to fit our names. i hated my last name as a little kid because no one would say it right (an issue that exists today too) and like when i started elementary school i straight up kept the spelling of it on a piece of paper in my pocket so i wouldnt mess up. now i love it and i think my name flows really well and if i get married i might not change it.

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

well i call myself a human being. and while my actions are important to me, thinking too much about what i do and what i couldve done gets me freaked out so instead i sit and just be. i’ll think calmly and exist

6. are you religious/spiritual?

im agnostic - raised Roman Catholic (but even then we werent strict about following it but i did do ccd and my sacraments so yeah). i want to believe that there is something but there just isnt enough solid evidence for me to be comfortable and if there is some god or force or something, i am a minuscule piece of the massive universe and that god wouldnt give a shit so why should they influence my decisions? i love religions tho. they have fascinating history and i love seeing all the similarites because it just shows how so many humans are all so similarly spiritual and through seeing those similarites it makes me feel more spiritual because i know my catholic upbringing shaped me as a person and i know that there has to be a deeper meaning behind the world’s religions being so connected

7. do you care about your ethnicity?

yes. im fifty shades of white, but the larger pieces of my background are the cultures that my family celebrate still today and they are what i identify as. im italian-irish-american with a polish last name and i will eat my cuisine and wear the Callahan family crest and hopefully make it to Avelino someday

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

i was raised on billy joel and elton john so their music is built into me with such a powerful level of nostalgia that i will feel like im back in my house before we repainted it and replaced the furniture and im dancing like an idiot to crocodile rock at age 4 again. PP and M&S hit my emotions hard since i first heard them, but M&S’s Sigh No More album will forever equal driving to chicago because we played that album and only that album the. whole. time. except at night because thats when billy joel comes out

9. are you an artist?

at the most basic definition yes. i make art for fun and relaxation through music and writing and doodling and crafts

10. do you have a creed?

i just want to be content with my life when i die. i want to know that i loved and supported people the best i could. so i guess always put the family first (family being whoever i deem to be in that category). and don’t be an asshole.

11. describe your ideal day.

not too hot or cold, like the temperature fall shouldve been. hiking a trail or mountain with changing leaves, watch some of my favorite shows, go to one of my favorite small restaurants.

12. dog person or cat person?

cat.

13. inside or outdoors?

inside

14. are you a musician?

yes

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

stoppppppp. Tale of Two Cities, Catch-22, Pride & Prejudice, Night, To Kill a Mockingbird

16. if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

nope. i grew up 30-60 minutes from some of the most important locations in american history. went to them way too many times as a kid so then when i was a teen i just snapped like “wait some people only come here once in their lives and thats why we have so many annoying tourists! because this kind of stuff ISNT NORMAL?!” and now im a history major so yeah

17. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?

almost. i cant really be fully myself because that involves way too much of my personal life and im scared of accidentally pissing people off on the internet so there is a little bit more filter here

18. what’s your patronus?

i actually dont know because i lost my pottermore login forever ago so i never actually did that quiz

19. which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?

im ravenclaw with hufflepuff as my secondary, so im a ravenpuff, but ravenclaw is totally my main

20. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?

Hogwarts or the world of Avatar (not the blue people one) - like after war when everything is chill and magical

21. do you love easily?

when i get attached to someone, good luck getting rid of me, im here for the long haul, so yes

22. list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.

listening to music, thinking about fictional stories i want to write, reading, watching videos, actually writing (whether that be my journal or my fiction or hw)

23. how often would you want to see your family every year?

as much as possible

24. have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?

as when i felt perfectly in sync talking to someone? yes with my history prof and with my father

25. could you live as a hermit?

im an introvert but id miss my loved ones too much

26. how would you describe your gender/sexuality?

im cis female and im asexual (somewhere on the spectrum), my romantic attraction is something im still figuring out

27. do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?

katie considering you figured me out basically on sight, yes

28. on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?

5 or 6?

29. three songs that you connect with right now.

“Africa” by Toto because it’s still in my head. “Float On” by Modest Mouse. “Sound of Change” by Dirty Head.

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.

“I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable. I am an original.” - said by Aaron Burr in Hamilton

katie i shouldve been finishing my essay

I would say send me a number but this is done now lol so go reblog it and join the fun

#bimikes. asks #katie #bimikes

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unicornninjabitch · 7 years ago

Text

You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

#personal #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #i also mention not eating but it wasnt/isnt like an ed #i dont think so anyway #its mostly me talking about my mental health and being in pain almost always #sorry for another one of these #honestly i might start posting one once a week to get some shit out

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