#i got SO DESPERATE that i started looking up mods and other peoples runs of this godforbidden stage

[snailfen]

whoever designed utopia shelter is my personal life nemesis now

[teardropwolf]

A very quick doodle because I had a very unsettling dream. Something something getting comfort because it really shook me up.

The dream I had down below(I took notes when i woke up):

I installed a mod for a game (it wasn't for don't starve.) At some point I made a kid cry. Then the game slowly shifted to horror. Wx was there, and they had a couple buddies with them. One was called WX-Rook. It was just WX's hallowed nights skin but more animalistic. The other was called WX-Bishop. They didn't look like the bishops from the game. I think they just had an appearance of a chess piece? Bishop didn't really show up much in my dream so I really don't remember them. Rook and WX were the ones I remember best.

I was in a very big and confusing house that was also mixed with a shopping mall. When the horror first started, I was walking and saw WX, who was really fucking tall, hunched over. Their mouth hung open and their arms were also really long to match their really long legs. They just stood there, right by the stairs. Freaked out, I back away and wanted to leave. They looked at me as I moved, and then started moving as I kept walking away. I don't fully remember much, though.

The robots only moved whenever I moved, and stood still whenever I was still. Unless I was too close to them, then they ignore that. One of them (It was either WX or Rook. I'm leaning more towards Rook.) Held a knife up to me. Then I grabbed the knife with both hands and snapped it like it was a pencil. The robot kept grabbing a piece but I kept snapping them. I somehow never got cut from doing that. Eventually it just grabbed a small, sharp piece I couldn't snap, so I started running. It chased me. I got too scared of the robots that I pulled out my tablet. I wanted to uninstall the mod.

The robots then tried to stop me because even though it was supposed to be a modded video game, it was happening in "real life." I had people (i don't remember who they were. They weren't really anyone specific) help me out with making sure the robots didn't get to me. The robots were getting upset, especially when I tapped at my tablet. I actually fumbled around a lot with the tablet. I struggled to find the uninstall button because it was apparently hidden. Rook and Bishop were getting emotional and desperate, begging me not to uninstall the mod. Then I uninstalled the mod. Bishop was just gone. They were nowhere to be found. Rook I saw, was walking away. Their rook-like noise was missing for some reason. Then they just left. WX looked like their normal don't starve self. They also just left. None of them said anything while they left. Those were just all the parts I remembered from the dream, but it was very spooky and unsettling for me.

[epitomereally]

🎵 🎶 5 faves from H/D Wireless 2023: Week 1 🎶 🎵

@hd-wireless, as always, has served us excellence. Thank you to the creators & mods. Usual disclaimer: I haven’t read everything yet!

Fic:

(you) find me when the lights go down by anon (1800 words, T)

Harry can hear footsteps on the stairs behind him but doesn't bother turning to look. There's only one person likely to follow him out here at this time of night.

"Potter," comes the crisp voice, easily recognisable as Draco. "You do know that most sane people, especially those who spend every waking moment complaining of being cold, would cast a warming charm. Or at the very least grab a sweater. Not spend every night attempting to turn into an icicle." What makes someone a ghost? Because if it's dying, Harry's got that covered.

A beautiful exploration of Harry’s demons in eighth year & how Draco can help exorcise them. How do I know I'm not a ghost? just punched me the solar plexus, so beautiful and so awful for Harry, and how tenderly Draco treats him, while still being Draco. One of the two masterclasses in short fic on this list! How MA says so much in so few words—I’m in awe.

Don’t hate him when he gets up to leave by anon (2200 words, M)

The linens are white and empty, sunlight slanting through the window illuminating a bed that has been deserted. Draco knew Potter would leave; he’s always gone by morning. Draco doesn’t even remember what he looks like in daylight.

Three words: pining while fucking. PINING. WHILE. FUCKING. I don’t even need to write a rec for this fic. Please click the link just for that tag.

Just kidding: MA, you can shove your brand of angst down my throat any day. I had to stop myself from quoting the entire fic back at you in my comment. Your prose is so evocative and sparse and melancholy. Marry me, please?

Title & Possession by anon (49k words, E)

Harry Potter’s life is going well in the aftermath of the war. Sure, his house is dark and run-down and might hate him (while his house elf definitely hates him). But other than that, things are good. Except, yeah, okay, Hermione and Ron are no longer on speaking terms. Worse, they keep trying to get Harry to pick sides. But otherwise, Harry couldn’t be happier. Well. Except for the fact that Ginny is being super weird about their relationship and never wants to have sex or talk about the future. But other than that, Harry is perfectly fine, thankyouverymuch. At least, he is until Draco Malfoy sues him for ownership of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Then Harry really isn’t fine at all.

This fic is FUNNY. Harry is such a wally, so perfectly in-character as our awkward, repressed, depressed, hilarious little cinnamon roll (and Draco is so proud and petty and desperate for Harry too). The romance is so well-deserved by both, and we love a Harry-realizing-his-sexuality fic (SO well-done here—the tension is scorching!). 

Everybody Hates a Tourist by anon (51.5k, E)

On a stag do in sunny Brighton with the Gryffindor lads, the last person Harry expects to run into is Draco Malfoy. After a glimpse of Malfoy’s Muggle life in Britain’s gay capital, Harry’s curiosity gets the better of him and he finds himself returning to the seaside again and again, drawn to the city, drawn to this new version of Malfoy that Harry barely recognises from school. Meanwhile, Draco’s just trying to live his big and best queer life: working for the weekend, chasing hot men, getting lost in Brighton's nightlife, and making friends with the neighbourhood cats. Why does his former school rival and crush have to show up and spoil everything?

An absolute banger on the first day of the fest. Come for the absolutely perfect characterization of Harry & Draco, stay for the lush descriptions of Brighton and EVERYWHERE. The perfect start-of-summer fic, absolutely impeccable, gentle, gorgeous summer vibes (conveniently when where I live FINALLY started getting hot). So many elements to love here: Harry learning about himself, gently and with grace from everyone around him, the TEXTING (absolutely perfect), the side characters with perfect characterization (Seamus at the hotel!), the flirting, DRACO BUYING HARRY A LEATHER JACKET (;_;). Just bury me dead; this fic was so lovely & it’s all I need.

Art:

Alive by anon (E)

Harry is lost after the final battle, but he finds comfort from an unexpected source.

Eighth year will forever have my heart for some angsty healing, and MA has captured this so beautifully. This art is not only beautiful (the animations! the color palette! both Harry & Draco! Idk how to compliment art!), but it’s such a gorgeous journey for Harry—from the trauma of the war towards happiness again. Exactly what our darling boy deserves <3

[trickscourse]

I dont understand how you and Calloutrebuttal unironically call ppl transphobic for not using slur pronouns for you. I get you're saying they shouldn't talk about you but like... cmon now be real. And referring to a blog as an it isn't misgendering the mods. 'look at this blog. It posted x' that isnt misgendering like callout blog claims. You have so many other points to make but you can't 'both sides are wrong' about this thing here bc the callout blog is deadnaming, misgendering and just generally being a creep a lot more. You've said you're getting better at taking accountability but I don't think you are. You don't need half a dozen defence blogs. No one does. Accept you hurt people, firmly tell these blogs to stop and move on . As long as they exist, you won't be able to.

Apart or me really wants to put "sorry for reading all that or good for you meme but that's not taking accountability. Most of my life lessons and interactions don't need to be broadcast online, if they were my growth would be artificial.

First thing; I have hurt people, I never said I didn't. I never said I was innocent and the actions I actually did in the past aren't things that should be glossed over or forgotten. I have a disclaimer on most of my socials and offer people who feel victimized to come to me so I don't break anymore boundaries.

I never said the nig/ger pronouns were serious, it started off as a joke where I said something on here along the lines of "if you're going to assume a black transfem is sexually or physically violence and lie about me to begin with, just call me a fucking slur or leave me alone and remove me from your mind or vocabulary." at this point I am so desperate that if Sunny can't go full mask off antiblack and call me a slur, its proof that she literally cannot let me go and stop lying to save her life.

The pronouns people stalking me can use are nig/ger or to literally never mention me again. That shouldn't be hard to shut the fuck up about someone who's been begging to be left alone for years now.

When it comes to my smear campaign and others, there are two sides and they're both wrong. Sunny has deadnamed me intentionally, my anons have done the same with her. @seouls-sins has posted my previous legal name on here I /just/ got changed to get away from this. There is no lesser of two evils, and when I say 'hold both sides accountable' that means both sides being ableist and transphobic.

At the end of the day, there aren't a hundred defense blogs that I or my friends run. There's maybe three that are associated with rebuttal. Any number after 4 isn't associated with the original group and is most likely Jack or one of their cronies.

I haven't spoken to the rebuttal/defense mods in a few hours because I'm stuck in a flare up that prevented me from seeing my friends and bordering on needing to go to the ER.

[theconsequncesofcrationandlove]

hello all!! we the mods decided it would be a pretty solid idea to fill everyone in on the discussion we've got going on in the discord so I, mod Ebb, am here for that noble purpose!!

anyone else remember that one line in the bifrost incident, Thor saying "I don't care if my vengeance will us into civil war"? friends, that civil war is the one our lovely war trio got themselves tangled up in!! on one side, Thor and the revolution he finally decided to support, along side any fae who wanted to get involved and most of the part- fae polulation. on the other, Odin, trying desperately to keep control on her country, and manipulating her people into fighting this war for her.

Loki was one of the top researchers for Odin, she and baldur started a project with the intended goal being a magically enhanced missile that would wipe out whole areas of land and poisoning and corrupting the magic within (which explains why lyf lost their connection to the wild for a while!!) when Loki realized how far Odin was willing to go to maintain control over the land she defected, taking most of the research she had collected with her. and she joined the revolution! next bit is just my idea, haven't brought up the idea, but rocks mentioned how in the classic story Loki tricks baldurs blind brother hod into throwing a mistletoe dart at baldur, which kills him. so what if Loki comes back to try to assassinate baldur since he was the other big mind behind Odin's project and Loki just needs to buy the revolution some time, she idk maybe poisons him or something and gets hod to take the drink to baldur? she gets caught on the way out, however, and survives an absolutely horrendous time as a prisoner of war while Odin forces her to finish the project

thor is pretty solidly on Odin's side of the fight until he finds out that Loki has been kept alive as a prisoner, he defects and joins the revolution. just spitballing again but what if after the magic bomb goes off he travels back to the capital, kills Odin, and takes her place on the throne? idk I need to think more about Thor, he's been on my mind today

the bomb!! Odin managed to keep it secret enough that when it went off she could claim the royal court knew nothing about it, it must have been the soldiers going too far, she was planning on prosecuting any survivors as war criminals to maintain the good image of the crown. Tim, Bertie, and their squad were assigned to escort the bomb to it's detonation location. they didn't know what it was. when it went off it wiped out hundreds of square miles, leaving survivors very few and far between and badly injured. Tim was looking right at the blast when it went off. when they got picked up by a retrieval squadron looking to capture any survivors they realized that their country had straight up planned for them to either die or take the fall, so they burned down the camp and went on the run.

I think that was all we got figured out? but please add on anything I missed or other things y'all come up with! ok byeeeee (scurries back to my own blog to minimize any confusion if this turns into a full thread)

[puretopia]

Hi, I love your profile and sims! I’m ‘kind of’ new to the sims world! I’ve been playing since 2018, but not religiously. I just wanted to ask about your mods folder (sorry if it states somewhere on your profile these kind of questions aren’t allowed, i’m new to tumblr too and still understanding how it works). Feel free to ignore this question if it’s not allowed. I understand that by having lots of folders within the mods folder it can make the game lag. I just wanted to ask how your mods folder looks? As I want to keep mine tidy and be able to find certain cc easily. I’m also in the process of buying a pc as I am currently using a macbook and have so much cc it’s starting to not work… If you have any tips or suggestions with having a pc (if you have one yourself) and how your set up looks, I would really appreciate it. Thank you!! 🤍

hii, firstly welcome to simblr/tumblr! 🫶

I’m an on/off player too, and completely get wanted to get things organised and tidy. It’s interesting to see how other people organise there mods for sure and it definitely helps if you find yourself running into buggy or broken pieces of cc for sure.

You’re right in saying having a lot of mods can contribute to game lag, but I would also say it depends on your system and how powerful it is. Right now I’m pretty sure my mods folder is around 40gb and needs a desperate clean up, but tbh it’s running okay! I wasn't in a position to own a desktop pc anymore so I got a laptop (asus ROG Strix gaming laptop) and I absolutely LOVE it. If I had the space for a desktop I would probably advise that over a laptop, but it really depends on personal preference and tbh I'm enjoying gaming from the sofa. My set up is literally on the sofa with my laptop on a lap tray and that's it!

my mods folder. It's an absolute mess and I am ashamed of it lol - in my packages I have some core folders of how I tried to organise things like Packages, Overhauls (textures and lighting mods etc) Gameplay Mods, and then any other mod that just needs to be placed into the mods folder upon installation like MCCC, Tmex TOOL, etc. In 'packages' I have things categorised into all sorts; CAS items, Clothes, Hair, Build/Buy - they also have folders within those that are more specific e.g skins, makeup, female hair, male clothes etc.

I hope this helped somewhat, my dm's are always open so feel free to message me there if you want! 🩵🩵

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been playing a lot of skyrim lately, because it’s video game comfort food, and I decided it was time for my Redguard Dovahkiin to settle down. (Actually I specifically just wanted to be able to adopt some of the random orphans you meet because I felt guilty about them, but you need to be married before you can do that so that there’s someone at home to take care of the kids while you’re off galivanting).

So I travelled around a bit, chatting up likely looking npcs until I found one I both liked and didn’t feel guilty about marrying (I feel bad if I marry one of the warrior adventurer types, making them be a stay at home mum) and settled on an obnoxiously cheerful argonian called Shavee because her life was frankly shit, and I thought she’d probably be good with kids.

So off I go to Riften to the Temple of Mara to arrange the wedding. I book it in for the next day, realise I didn’t bring anything nice to wear, and spend the night before the wedding robbing every house in the city in the search for something to wear. Eventually decide everyone in Riften has terrible fashion sense and break down everything I stole into raw materials and use them to craft myself an outfit and some jewellery that i’m pretty happy with. I even carefully pick out my fanciest looking sword to wear.

(don’t know why I bothered, frankly, shavee turned up wearing a shirt covered in suspicious stains and weilding a pickaxe, it’s like she doesn’t even care about this marriage)

(also for comedy purposes, bear in mind I play with survival mods that mean my character needs to eat and sleep to live, and I literally spent the entire ingame night on this and forgot to eat and drink anything either and then just downed four bowls of wolf stew right before entering the temple so I didn’t starve during the ceremony. also I discovered during the wedding that I am dying of rockjoint, which I contracted from sleeping in a pile of hay on the floor of a skeever infested cave, so even being six foot tall and jacked can’t make up for the fact that I am exhausted, running a fever, and probably covered in wolf which I spilled because my joints are slowly atrophying, and even the fanciest clothes in the world aren’t going to cover that up)

so I enter the temple, and my finance is there, and Lydia my housecarl, and some random NPCs the game thinks are my friends because I did fetch quests for them

One of the random NPCs is Lisbet. Atfter I did her fetch quest, I then did another quest in which I discovered Lisbet is secretly a cannibal and part of a demonic cult that worships the daedric prince of decay by kidnapping priests, sacrificing them, and then eating their corpses. Raw. I think the raw meat is the sticking point for me here honestly.

I ultimately decided not to sacrifice the random priest to a daedric prince in exchange for one magic ring and all the raw human I could eat, because frankly, that doesn’t sound like much of a deal to me. I was expecting there to be some kind of dialogue choice where I could nope out at the last minute, but it turns out there isn’t one, so after they drugged the priest and tied him to the altar, I just got out my sword and started swinging.

I killed most of the cult (including the town butcher, because I had brought meat from him before and was extremely pissed off that he might have been secretly feeding me humans) but a couple of them got away, which I figured was fine because they weren’t trying to kill me.

Except it turns out, if any of them escape, then every time you see them in the future there’s a random chance that they’ll fly into a violent rage and try and murder you.

Lisbet is at my wedding. Lisbet decides that clearly me marrying this random argonian woman with two lines of dialogue is the happiest day of my life, and she cannot allow me that happiness, when I’ve taken so much from her.

So she tries to kill me. Only she can’t, because I’m stuck in a pre-rendered wedding animation, and also she’s sitting next to Lydia, my faithful retainer and owner of a really big axe.

It also turns out that Lisbet is essential, meaning she can be knocked unconcious but not actually killed because she’s needed for some quest or other. And the minute she wakes up from unconciousness, she tries to kill me again, so Lydia knocks her unconcious again, and I’m stuck, I can’t move, because I’m supposed to be in the wedding animation.

Except Shavee has, not unreasonably, see all this and decided that she doesn’t like me enough to risk getting murdered, and has done a runner, leaving me at the altar, but more importantly, leaving me trapped in a broken pre-rendered animation, so all I can do is stand there at the altar, staring at the space where my fiance was supposed to be, listening to the sounds of Lydia trying and failing to beat a cannibal to death behind me.

Okay, I think, clearly this wedding isn’t going to happen, I’m going to go for the registry office option and complete the wedding using the dev commands. I do this. The priest gives me a wedding ring, and I can finally move again. I chase after Shavee, who has an impressive turn of speed on her, and eventually catch up right by the city gates. I try to talk to her.

Apparently using the console has completed the wedding for me, but not for her, because she still only has the same 2 lines of dialogue she usually has.

Clearly this is working, I can’t leave my kids with someone who can only say 2 things and doesn’t even know she’s their mum, that’s irresponsible.

I try loading from inside the temple. I get the same problem.

Eventually I figure out that I need to use the dev controls to disable Lisbet’s entire existence in the universe.

Shavee and me get married. As the priest reads the vows, I stare at Shavee and wonder why she couldn’t even be bothered to put on a clean shirt. I wonder what kind of mother she’ll be.

Once the ceremony is over, and I’m happily married to the dirty green lizard of my dreams, and we’ve agreed that until I can make her recognise my extremely nice modded house exists I will share her single bed in the unheated flophouse in Windhelm she calls home, I re-enable Lisbet, because I’m worried I’ll forget if I leave it too long.

Fun fact about skyrim, it loads in quite a lot of npcs and objects by dropping them from the sky. I have no idea why this is the case, but it’s objectively the funniest way to load in objects.

I re-enable Lisbet. She falls from the sky, clips through the roof of the temple, and lands in the pew beside Lydia, stands up, draws a knife, and is immedately beaten unconcious.

I no longer care, because Shavee now has all the exciting new spouse-only romantic dialogue options like “Could you cook something for me” and “have you made any money lately”, and I know she’ll be a great mother.

I limp to the door of the temple, while around me the guests not involved in the Lydia-Lisbet murder cycle scream and duck for cover.

I open the door to the temple, immediately collapse and ragdoll down the steps, which is how I discover I am dying of rockjoint.

I limp to the orphanage down the street, adopt two kids, and then finally remember that I’m carrying garlic bread, which as we all know, cures all known illnesses.

When I emerge back into the street, full of the joys of motherhood and garlic bread, I find the town in disaray. Lydia is chasing Lisbet through the streets with an axe and a dragon is circling overhead, burning npcs to death. People are running for shelter, screaming, while the guards try to take down an entire dragon using only the worst bows and arrows in the game.

I decide that as a parent, I have to think of my own safety first and leave them to it.

I head out of the city, intent on returning home and figuring out why Shavee refuses to move in with me. A man hanging around the stables challenges me to a boxing match. For want of anything better to do, I agree.

Halfway through the fight he dodges at the wrong moment and I punch one of his horses in the head.

Two guards attack me while I desperately try to surrender. My kids will miss me, but I’m prepared to go to jail for my horse crimes, I’m an honest citizen. Also my horse crimes seem somewhat less important than the dragon.

The guards refuse to accept my surrender. I am stabbed to death. As I collapse in front of the indifferent horse, Lisbet exits the city, followed by Lydia. The last thing I see before I die is Lydia swinging her axe at Lisbet’s face.

[astaroth1357]

Ok but like, what if MC's fandom starts to make ships with MC and the guys. Just think about the ship wars, the fancams, the fanarts, the absolute CHAOS when the brothers find out. It would be even worse if they start shipping MC with the undatables, one day everything is normal and the next day there are ship wars fighting over MC x Barbatos vs MC x Solomon (who are both very smug about it)

The MC's Fanclub are… Shippers?!

Perhaps… The italics blurb has been fulfilling its greater purpose all along…? Perhaps in its state of existential angst, it has in fact developed a plot of its own… An arc of introspection and self-discovery in which its own longing for purpose has forged a meaningful identity… It now has… a story…

Lucifer

As if they couldn't get any MORE frustrating…

He's not an otaku. He's not a part of ship culture. He's not even sure why anyone would care about who dates who around this school, but apparently it's a big deal to some people...

He only became aware of their interest in him and the MC's relationship through some very… subtle clues…

Like the groups that would follow them around in the hallways with their phones out.

Or the multitude of fan rumors about their relationship that Satan spams him with from time to time just to irritate him.

"MC refused hug from Luci in halls today!! Are they bout breakup??? 🥺"

"Tots got pic of kiss today!! Relationship upgrade??"

"IS ARE MC+LUCIFER SECET LVRS?!? PLEASE RESPOND"

It only got worse after he found out the MC gets shipped out a loooooot….

If he had to pick his least favorite ship, it'd be MC x Mammon. He can kind of see it with any of his other brothers (admittedly, Levi is also a little mystifying) but the idea of them ending up with Mammon makes his skin crawl...

He once found a drawing of the MC and Mammon in an… explicit position in one of the classrooms and he was so disgusted that he wouldn’t even touch it. He just set fire to the paper outright. Disgusting...

Mammon

Shipping, eh…? More money making opportunities!

Has some passing idea of what shipping is from Levi and, from what he knows of it, shippers eat cutesy couples stuff right up!! If all he's got to do to make bank is to look all couple-y around the MC then sounds like a win-win to him!

He'll happily pose for a photo or two (paid in advance) of him throwing his arm around the MC or something. Want him to hold their hand? Sure thing!

But since this is still Mammon we're talking about, the second MC actually starts getting into any of it he'll still turn into a blushy, stuttery mess...

For WEEKS the headline picture on so many of their fans' blogs was an image of him turning beet red while the MC kissed him on the cheek. (A fan really got their money's worth there... 😏)

Though he doesn’t exactly like the MC getting shipped with other people, he'll still totally sell pictures of any of them together. He almost paid off an entire credit card with the money he got from the t-shirt sales of the MC and Satan!

If he had to point to one ship he doesn't like it's either MC x Asmo or MC x Levi. His opinion, but Asmo won't treat them right and they could do waaay better than a shut-in. Like him. Ship the MC with just the Great Mammon, got it?

Leviathan

… Lowkey super active in the MC shipping community but is a self-shipper to the extreme.

Like, he never uses his real name on anything (and would probably die from embarrassment if anyone ever found out) but a lot of their fans probably know a couple of his aliases.

He does everything from mod forums, runs a couple blogs, even anonymously posts his own work of him and MC that are totally not his secret fantasy dates or AU versions of themselves, shaddup.

It’s a lot easier for him to keep his involvement secret because he’s hardly at RAD, but the few times he does show up he tries to keep an eye out for anybody prowling for pictures so he can get in a good pose and save the image later.

Mind you, his version of a “good pose” rarely gets more spicy than linking pinkies, but even then he’s still lit up a Christmas Tree throughout.

Naturally, he’s also not a big fan of any ships that aren’t just him and MC and he can find a reason to be jealous at almost anything. But he keeps a special corner of hate for MC x Mammon and MC x Diavolo. Like, the first one doesn’t even need an explanation but MC x Diavolo?? Really??? Do those two even talk?? (please, please, please make sure they never actually talk because a guy like him versus literal royalty? He’d lose MC for sure….!! 😫)

Satan

He hates to actually agree with Lucifer on something, but their fans are starting to get out of hand...

Knows what shipping is in concept, he may have done it once or twice to characters in his books, but he was kind of surprised how it could evolve into such a… group activity?

He was pretty quick to pick up that the MC’s fans had a bit more interest in them together than they did when they both were apart…

I mean, those hideous shirts that Mammon was pedaling were kind of a dead giveaway…

Considering he finds their fanclub all rather annoying, even without their bizarre interest in his love life, when they started actively meddling with him and the MC he was ready to smash some heads.

No. He will not stop for pictures. No. What things they do together is none of your business. No. He has zero interest in seeing your explicit fanart and if you don’t start running that will be the last question you ever ask.

He DOES, however, appreciate the cringy “annoy Lucifer” ammo. They could keep that up for a lifetime... 😏

He doesn’t have a least favorite ship because he doesn’t care about any of this, leave him alone. (That’s a lie, it’s MC x Lucifer. He pokes fun at Lucifer, but he can’t stand it either. Big shock, I know 🙄).

Asmodeus 

Oh he is shamelessly a part of the community, are you kidding?? 

He could practically call “Shipping the MC” one of his favorite pastimes. He’ll openly gossip with their fanclub about who they’ve been with, who they’re seeing, who’s got a chance, etc… He lives for this shit!

He’s the only person who knows that Levi is also in the community and what his aliases are (not because he told him, but because Levi’s not as subtle as he thinks he is… Who else would call themselves “SupremeRuri666” and speak mostly in outdated chat lingo?) but he doesn’t out him because he thinks his very obvious crush is kind of cute. 

Plus, Levi needs the outlet waaaay more than him…

Doesn’t stop him from constantly trolling him and getting into arguments over who the MC would be better with though (the two are “virtual nemeses” as far as Levi is concerned).

Appreciates all forms of expression that comes out of the community (especially the saucy kind 😏) and will happily feed into his own shippers without a care in the world.

Truthfully, Asmo will say that there isn’t a ship he doesn’t like but if someone mentions one that he thinks is kind of “eh,” he’ll just add himself into the mix. “Oh, you like MC x Barbatos? Well how about Asmo x MC x Barbatos? That sounds loads more interesting doesn’t it??”

Beelzebub 

Oh, Beel… Sweet, sweet Beel… Beel doesn’t even know what their club is doing…

Because Beel has a reputation of being pretty protective of MC - and against the fanclub in general - the club keeps a healthy distance… but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to sneak in some picture or make a SHITLOAD of fanwork about them.

Between classes and practice Beel is a busy guy, so sometimes he just doesn’t notice that there’s people hiding behind trees when he’s out with MC. 

Honestly, his complete ignorance of it all makes it even cuter because when he acts sweet, it’s not just for the camera. That’s the real deal.

Mammon was the one who eventually let it slip that there was even shipping happening and Beel was… kind of creeped out because isn’t this stalking? But also kind of weirdly happy(?) that MC x Beel was so popular… Very conflicted boy here.

He never actually acknowledges the community, though, and just keeps on being Beel (which still gave the fans more than enough material so all’s well that ends well?)

Beel genuinely doesn’t have a least favorite ship (because he believes the best ship is whoever makes the MC happy) but his second favorite under himself is probably MC x Belphie. They look very cute together...  😊

Belphegor 

Ride or die, Beel x MC x Belphie. 

Just kidding (kind of), Belphie isn’t into the shipping but if asked he’d be pretty okay with that one.

His campaign against the MC’s fanclub and their attention stealing ways means that he found out about their shipping thing only slightly ahead of Beel when Mammon was trying to get pictures of them napping together…

Honestly, he couldn’t care less if a bunch of weirdos were weirdly invested in their relationship, but he’s not about to let Mammon just make a quick Grimm off of it. Belphie makes sure that he gives him NOTHING to work with. 

Since Mammon is the main dealer, the shippers in both the MC fanclub and Belphie fanclub aren’t nearly as well fed and pretty desperate for anything... You best believe he plays that to his advantage (because it’s okay if he does. He’s not Mammon).

Really helps that MC x Belphie is legitimately a very cute looking couple, carried by Belphie’s cuteness alone if nothing else. Add an adorable MC and you reach levels so cute it could actually melt people into puddles of goo... They could be a registered weapon.

Least favorite MC ships are any that don’t involve him or Beel. Any others may as well just not exist, he won’t even acknowledge them. MC x Who? Yeah, that’s what he thought.

[packetofsuga]

Kiss of Death - Corpse Fic

Prompt: “He’s a bad kisser” 

Backstory: Y/N is a streamer and secretly dating Corpse, not even their friends know. Other than Dave, of course. They’re playing proximity chat among us with Valkyrae, Toast, Sykkuno, Pewdiepie, JackSepticeye, Pokimane, Ludwig, and Dave (boyinaband). 

Genre: Fluff + humor 

Content warning: Light swearing

Word Count: 1631

A/N: Okay. First of all, writing an author’s note really threw me back to my Wattpad days but, anyway. I just wanna say feel free to send little prompt requests in my ask box for fics. I won’t write smut, I know I have for kpop artists in the past and I may write smut again in the future but for now, it’s a hard no for all fics. I will write mainly for Corpse Husband, Valkyrae, BTS, and Dream Catcher. Possibly other YouTubers or kpop groups just ask and I’ll let you know! I also will write for some book fandoms, I can’t list all of them so again just ask, please. I’ll get to requests whenever I can so please be patient while waiting. 

Until then please enjoy the random prompts I’ve found that I thought would be cute :) 

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction

You were playing among us with your friends and your boyfriend, as usual. The only difference was you were using the proximity chat mod which you had never done before. Because you guys were using that mod every time Corpse got imposter he was doing his “kiss of death” thing. 

As you loaded into the game you saw the word crewmate pop up on your screen. Everyone started joking about being a crewmate or imposter and you chuckled to yourself. “I am just a crewmate doing crewmate things. I am doing keys, because I am just a crewmate.” You stated while walking over to the keys task, knowing that you don’t even have keys this round. 

“Y/N’s faking keyyysss.” Poki called. 

“She’s just reminding everyone to fake keys, guys, everyone fake keys right now,” Sean said, moving his character on top of yours in front of keys. The was a chorus of agreements as almost everyone did the same. Once that was done you split off from the group. 

“Guys… I think it’s Poki, she didn’t fake keys.” You said to your chat, laughing to yourself. You went around doing your tasks. You came across Sykkuno in O2, “Hey Sykkuno, whatcha doing?”

He paused in the doorway of the tree room, “Oh! hi Y/N. I’m uh just doing my tasks.” 

You cleared the trash shoot, “Oh yeah? Just a crewmate doing crewmate things?” 

Sykkuno giggled, “Uh, yep. Just doing crewmate things. Hey, you- you wanna stand on this vent with me?” 

You hesitated, knowing there’s absolutely no way for you to figure out if Sykkuno is just being himself or is actually the imposter, “I- You know what yes I would love to Sykkuno.” You walked into the tree room.

“Oh- really? That… Was very enthusiastic.” The two of you walked onto the vent by the tree, stacking on top of each other, “You’re not the imposter, right? You’re not gonna kill me. 

“Oh, of course not, Sykkuno. I mean, you know, maybe.” You love making yourself look extra suspicious to him because that’s how he plays, “Here. I’ll click the spot where the kill button is and we’ll see what happens, okay?” 

“Oh, Jesus-” He gasped. 

You clicked the spot on the screen, “Hear me clicking?” You both laughed.

“Uh yeah I do, that means it can’t be you huh?” He said, “Here I’ll do it too.”  

You yelped a little as the body reported screen came up, scaring you. 

“I thought I just fucking died.” You said, trying to calm your breathing.

“Honestly, me too.” Sykkuno said, “There’s so many people dead.” 

Poki reported the body and the screen showed that Toast, Sean, and Dave were dead, “So Rae and I just walked up on Toast’s body. And I don’t think it’s Rae, I’ve been with her for a good chunk of this round.” 

“Soo it could be both of you.” You pointed out. 

“Why are you susing me right now??” Poki exclaimed. 

“You didn’t fake keys!” You yelled. 

“She’s right!” Pewds yelled, remembering that from the beginning of the round, “What the fuck, Poki?” 

Corpse laughed, “That’s a little sus Imane.” 

Poki laughed, “I can’t believe I’m getting sussed cause I didn’t fake a task.” 

“Anyways, I think it’s Rae and Poki. It definitely couldn’t have been Sykkuno, we were chilling on a vent.” You stated. Corpse hummed to himself. 

Sykkuno vouched for you, “Yep that’s true. And we did a foolproof test so it’s not either of us.” 

“What was the test?” Lud asked 

“Well, we both clicked the kill button and neither of us are dead, so.” Sykkuno pointed out. 

“You clicked the kill button?” Rae asked, “Wait, so you’re both imposters? You clearly can’t kill each other if you’re imposters.” 

You sighed, “I don’t know why Sykkuno had to say it like that but we clicked where the kill button should’ve been and nothing happened. So it’s not us.” 

“So there’s two pairs.” Corpse mused to himself. 

Pewds brought his mic really close to his mouth, “Get ‘em out of here.” 

You yelled over him, “Hold on hold on, it’s seven we can’t vote on seven. Kind of sus that you’re pushing to vote on seven.” 

“I’m not sus you’re sus.” He declared.

“Let’s skip, I’m gonna stay with Sykkuno and protect him.” Lud announced as the ‘I voted’ sticker popped up next to his name. Everyone started voting to skip. 

“If Ludwig dies it’s Sykkuno.” Pewds concluded as the timer ran out. 

“What???” Sykkuno wailed. You quickly ran to go to Lab on your own, afraid of Rae and Poki. 

Rae walked behind you into Lab, “ Ahhh- Hi please don’t kill me.” 

“No no no I would never,” Rae said, making her voice sound sarcastic on purpose as you guys walked into decontamination. You started to scream dramatically. 

“Heeeeeeelp. Heeeeellppp! She’s gonna kill me.” You pushed your character into the door to specimen, desperately waiting for it to open.  Once it finally did you rushed down into specimen and she ran after you. You ran around specimen with her chasing after you.

“Stop running. Y/N. Y/N! Hey- Stop running!” She yelled after you.

“Nooooo.” Corpse walked into specimen from the bottom and stood off to the side watching the two of you, “Coooorpse, protect me.” You yelled. He moved his character between you and Rae. 

“Yeah, uh, of course. I’ll protect you don’t worry.” He said. Rae stopped in front of him. 

“I said I wasn’t gonna kill you Y/N.” She insisted. 

You fake cried a little, “You didn’t say you couldn’t kill me though! Corpse, please. Wait-” You realized Corpse could 100% be the imposter right now, “Corpse… It’s not you is it?” 

“No no, I’m gonna protect you.” He promised. 

“....Does that mean it’s you but you’re gonna kill Rae to protect me?” You asked. They both laughed and Rae backed away from Corpse. 

“She knows too much Corpse, she knows too much!” Rae yelled. You started to scream for help again and run around. 

“Hey hey hey, relax.” Corpse said, following you. You ran towards bottom decontamination, getting stuck at the door again, “Don’t worry. Y/N, shhh. It’s okay, just-” He made a smooching noise and the kill animation popped up on your screen. 

You let out a shriek. “I can’t believe- Well, hi chat.” You giggled and started reading the chat again, “‘You got a kiss from Corpse, how do you feel?’ He’s a really bad kisser, guys. I mean it, did you see that? He kissed me and then STABBED me. An awful kisser.” You shook your head. A body was reported and the meeting screen popped up. They discussed yours and Poki’s death Corpse and Rae vouching for each other and Lud and Sykkuno vouching for each other, leaving Pewds the only one without an alibi and got him voted out. The defeat scream popped up showing Rae and Corpse as the imposters. 

Corpse POV

Before joining the lobby again he decided to read chat for a second and talk to his fans. “I’m sorry I can’t really look at chat that much while we’re doing this mod it’s just hard cause everyone can hear you, you know.” He read through the recent super-chats, thanking people as he went. He quickly scanned the rest of the chat. People were spamming that Y/N had called him a bad kisser, “Wait- she- Y/N said what??” He joined the lobby, “Y/N what the fuck?” 

“What’d I do??” Y/N questioned.

“Did you really tell your chat I’m a bad kisser? Why are you lyyyying?”  

“I-” The whole group started gasping and talking over each other, “I meant in the game! You- everyone shut up oh my god please-” 

“Okay okay okay, let her talk guys. Try and talk your way out of this Y/N.” Corpse chuckled. 

“Okay, before I get myself into a scandal. In-game, before you killed me, you gave me a little kiss. Then my chat was like how do you feel and I was like you know what, that was an awful kiss I died from it.” 

“Ohhh, that makes sense.” Corpse said. 

“Wait!” Rae interrupted, “What else would she have to go off of other than in-game?…” There was a long silence. 

Corpse was the one to break the silence. “You know what, gamer bladder. Bathroom break.” Everyone laughed and reluctantly agreed. 

Y/N POV

You tried to stay calm and talk to your chat about any other topic but your chat was going insane speculating about you and Corpse. 

Corpse came into the room and you quickly held up one finger off-camera to tell him to wait a second. 

“Uh, hold on just a second guys.” You muted your headphones and took them off. You started to work on turning your webcam off but he reached over and grabbed the arm of your chair, rolling it towards him. 

You squealed, “Corpse! What are you doing?”

“I’m a bad kisser, huh? I’m a bad kisser?” He started peppering your face with kisses. You giggled. He planted his hands on the armrests of your chair, practically trapping you in place. He raised an eyebrow at you, a smirk plastered on his lips, “Hmm?” 

You cupped his face and kissed him. He started to pull you closer to him but you pulled back, “No, you’re not a bad kisser, baby. You’re the best kisser.” He kissed you again and then went back to his filming room. You slid your chair back to your computer, pretending as if nothing happened. You put your headphones back on and scanned the chat. There were a couple of people being like we saw that hand but you ignored it and continued playing.

[queenbol-of-baldurs-gate]

Will be finishing ME3 tonight, and since I've got Audemus' Happy Ending mod I don't have to get all sad about my beautiful Shep dying- however! It did get me thinking of what happens to my Shepard in the control ending.

As I imagine it now, Shepard chooses to control the Reapers rather than wipe them out with all other synthetic life in the galaxy, and effectively uploads her consciousness to the Reaper consensus as it were, leaving her body essentially empty. She ran the numbers, she knew that such a feat would irrevocably change her- she could even go insane, the experience of splitting her mind into a hundred thousand parts erasing "Shepard" from the universe.

The force of this process and the energy it took to propel the change across every system, every single Reaper, unsurprisingly leaves the Crucible in pieces, raining the galaxy's greatest collaboration known to intelligent life down on central London and reducing it to rubble. A small sacrifice for this hopeless war to end. And the very things that birthed such despair, such overwhelming hopelessness- were changed. When they finally stopped shooting at them, the people realised that the Reapers made no moves to attack, the monsters that tormented their streets dropping dead where they stood, and for the first time in a long time, everything stood silent. And then they started to rebuild what they destroyed, and they knew that Shepard had achieved yet another impossible feat.

They find Shepard's body weeks later, broken and still and malnourished- but still breathing, thanks to the extensive cybernetics running through her body. When she's rushed to the best hospital still standing, the survivors laugh to themselves that of course she would survive that fall, who else could? When she's stabilised, the call is put out to the Normandy, inbetween the bizarre reports of Reapers and their mechanical drones piecing cities and planets back together at such a shocking speed, all the Alliance could do it keep watch- just in case.

The crew arrives as fast as they can, all safe, all alive. They are told Shepard is in a coma. Another one? Joker laughs, his hands clenching each other so tight his knuckles go white. When will she wake up? Liara asks, barely able to look at Shepard as the past bombards her with her mistakes. What do you mean you don't know? Garrus demands, looming over the poor doctor unwittingly, eyes burning.

Kaidan doesn't say a damn thing. He just takes a seat by Shepard's side, clasps her only remaining hand between his, and for the next few months barely leaves her side. Duty pulls him away the few times where his friends fail to convince him to go outside- his family are able to draw him away a few more. But he won't leave her- never again. Sometime in between life and death during their crazy war she had registered him as her next-of-kin, and to him that was like a binding oath.

Shepard healed as the galaxy did, the sight of the now friendly Reapers becoming an every day occurance, silent and methodical as they rebuilt. But she never woke. A wall in their suite was piled to the ceiling with flowers, photos, gifts, letters- the galaxy's gratitude overflowing for their hero, even as desperate as they are to return to their normality. The crew visited when they could, even Hackett carved out some time between endless diplomatic meetings to see the both of them. She never woke.

Over a year passed. Her wounds were all healed a lot of her muscle had been lost. Kaidan kept her growing heir neat and as beautiful as before, the act of brushing it out therapeutic to him now. He had started sleeping in his own bed again, had been eating his meals outside the hospital for a few months now- was even letting his family convince him to take a trip home to Vancouver to see them (and what was left of their family). He was kissing Shepard across her brow the morning he was due to take his flight when the news cut across the movie playing on the TV above.

The Reapers were leaving.

En-masse they were all pouring through the relays on the outskirts of the galaxy, according to multiple reports, with little warning other than one singular message from their old foe.

"Our task is done."

Kaidan stared up at the screen and watched with what was probably millions of others as those unfathomable beings returned to dark space as one and he could the galaxy heaving a sigh of relief. He almost didn't feel the light pressure tightening around his fingers. He glanced down- then stared dumbly at the pale white curled around his own, reaching across a thin body. In a jerk, he clamps his hand around it, lungs snatching in a breath, and he snaps his gaze up the bed- and feels his body begin to tremble like a leaf in the wind.

"Morning Kaidan." Her voice was but a hoarse croak, a year of disuse almost making her unrecognisable, but he would know that smile blind. "What did I miss?"

[mercurial-madhouse]

Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

[rpdepartment]

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT SENTENCE STARTERS ; SURVIVORS PERKS

partially requested, partially mod castiel is completely lost in the game. so much that this sentence starter was meant to be done DAYS ago but i just couldn’t find my way out of the fog. change pronouns as necessary!  TW: implied violence, foul language.

everything that glitters isn't gold.

gold isn't worth a damn in this place, so this should come in handy.

their first album is still my favourite. it got me through a dark time in my life.

i have true sight.

i'll hit you with everything i've got. then I'll do it again.

there's no limit to what you can achieve, as long as you back it up with hard work.

i promised to keep you shitheads safe, and that's exactly what i plan on doing.

i've jumped from higher places.

let's burn that lab to the ground.

buck and wild, swing to be free, your hands just can't keep ahold of me.

we have to work as a team, i need you to survive so that i can survive!

probably stings like hell, but it ain't gonna kill ya. up and at 'em soldier. time to move!

basic botany knowledge could save your life someday.

i felt like it got a story to tell. and it didn't waste its second chance.

come, we're going to rip our way out of this.

ghost beaters never leave a man behind.

architecture is the soul of civilisation.

so, remember once you get in there... pretend like you don't care.

there you go, you're learning my friend. you're learning.

take it from an old-timer: slow down, don't rush and try not to worry so much!

the best way to beat him is to know how he thinks.

there's nothing to be scared of.

i was raised by a strict man who taught me how to make the best of a bad situation.

when they come with a wrecking ball, build stronger walls.

are you able to tell us where you were last night?

bravery can conceal your flaws, even when you are at your most vulnerable.

there's what is easy and then there's what is right. if you confuse the two, there's no telling what you become.

the weak are sacrificed first. it's nature, it's business... it's the truth most refuse to face.

i wanna finish what we started. i want to kill it.

we can write our own story and decide how it really ends.

people are remembered for the challenges they overcome. you can run away and forget what you're capable of or you can face your fears and remind the world of who you are.

buckle up, fuckos! let's roll!

all this time i've been trying so hard to pretend like everything's fine, but it's not.

be kind to one another. we're all in this together.

i'm not horse-shittin' around. i'm doing this alone!

take it slow, he knows where you've been... just like I've always said: 'live slow and die old‘.

you mad?

that's not enough to beat me. not even close.

evil has a bullseye on my back the size of tiger stadium.

i couldn't be mithered with it all anyway, you know what i mean? can't be arsed.

i believe we can outsmart and overthrow him if we work together. don't be predictable and selfish!

he was watching me!

trust me, i investigate thoroughly and discreetly.

paying attention is what kept me alive through the years. that, and my good looks of course.

adrenaline, it's going to keep us awake.

ok, stay calm. don't overthink it and just keep moving forward: you got this.

i relied on others to protect me once and i lost everything. never again.

i have a bad feeling about this!

show me what you can do!

the news edit out what is burdensome and complex, which is the truth.

focus, even in these desperate times.

yeah, that’s a no.

something i learnt in the industry: when the axe is swinging, keep your head down.

i've dealt with psychopaths in suits. you're just uglier and worse dressed.

it was the boogeyman.

showing up when things get rough, listening to people's problems, and supporting those in need; that's how you become stronger, that's how you grow.

there is a voice that doesn't use words. listen...

i had you, i had you on your knees. you're runnin' scared because we had you!

you're doing it wrong! let me show you how it's done.

i’m gonna stealth this one.

what the hell is this?

i’m taking this bastard down!

what can i say? i'm just a very lucky guy... i'm sure some of it will rub off on you.

goddammit, i am seriously FUBAR!

the paint is still fresh but i’m long gone.

i'm gonna be here when you wake up. you're gonna make it.

ok, look. if we survive the next 24 hours, then i’ll take you out on a real date.

i'm confident we can all escape in one piece if we help each other.

come on then, let's 'ave it! i don't give a shit pal.

[keltonwrites]

Where no one knows your name

How many times is a person meant to make new friends? When I moved into an apartment in DC with an absolutely iconic girl from Craigslist, I wrote in my journal, “you never know when you’ll meet your next bridesmaid.” Charmingly juvenile, as I was 24 years old. Ironic, as I never had any bridesmaids. And embarrassing, knowing I wrote something that’s surely been embroidered on a bachelorette party t-shirt by now. My point was: you can meet people you fall in love with anywhere, anytime, assuming your heart (and calendar) are open. Now my heart and calendar are open and I am one of Elizabeth Bennet’s sad sisters, cloying and desperate for attention while everyone at the ball ignores me. Meeting people here is unnerving and hapless and eye-clawingly vulnerable. My first new friend told me she was moving away in a few months. Do you invest deeply in hopes of another faraway friendship? Do you just go back to waving as you pass on the street? I like this girl! What an embarrassing thing to have to say to someone! Do you just invite people to every and anything like a lunatic? I can’t even remember to call the people I am forever-and-ever in cahoots with. I’m also deeply bound by what I’ll call the Movie Trap: say it’s 3pm during not-a-pandemic, and you get the urge to see a movie. You look at the showings, and there’s one you really want to see at 7:15. You think to yourself, “I should make an effort,” and you text a friend. “Hey, you wanna go see This Cool Movie at 7:15 tonight?” No one ever says yes. Don’t give me an example of when someone has, because it’s always one of these answers:

“Oooh, I’m actually seeing it with Kate tomorrow - wanna come?”

“Can we go to the 9pm showing? Stuck at work.”

“Yeah but let’s see Movie You’ll Fucking Hate instead.”

Now maybe I’m just lighting flares guiding you to the worst parts of my personality, but this drives me nuts. No, Liz, I don’t want to go tomorrow. I want to go tonight. At 7:15. So I can be in bed by 10. And you’d have to drag my dead body and prop open my eyes to get me to see something like Marriage Story in theaters. The Movie Trap is a big reason I usually hang out by myself, or I make plans weeks in advance. (Don't I sound like a blast.) Just the idea of being like, “I like you! Wanna hang out in October?” makes me want to collapse into a puddle of sad adulthood. Which is why on Friday at 4:30pm, when a girl I’d met a week prior asked if I wanted to grab a drink, I just said yes. I put on a pretty dress, did my makeup, put stuff in a purse, and drove the 25 minutes to town. It was really fun! And how novel to have new contacts in my phone like “Maggie blue house” and “Jess concert friend” — a throwback to the days of “Greg guy on L train” and “Devon ad party.” The very concept of not knowing someone’s last name or even needing it, and a year from now updating their contact info and smiling at your origin story. But for the most part, no one is in our phones. In terms of phone numbers collected, here is the list:

Two friends we knew prior who thank god you guys exist.

New friend who is moving away.

New friend who is game to drink tequila and ride mountain bikes.

Neighbor-not-yet-friend who I really fucking like and am not sure how to cross hang-out threshold with.

​Not to say there aren’t any other prospects or people I’m platonically gaga over, but I don’t have their phone numbers. There are honestly a lot of people like this because when you live in a small town (and you’re from the Midwest) you say “oop, sorry” to every person/object you bump into, and you say “hi :)” to every person you see. These are the rules. If I drive by you and don’t wave, it’s because I was so deep in a daydream I probably shouldn’t have been driving in the first place. This isn’t acceptable, because in our urgency to tattoo our vaccination status on our foreheads so we can make friends, it turns out just driving by someone can be a viable strategy. A few days ago, a man was driving by our kitchen window and then our driveway, and then he reversed back up to the kitchen window and started waving. Ben went outside — it was that kind of wave. The man had seen from his car a smokejumper emblem on the back of a truck in our driveway. “Hey, are you a smokejumper?” We aren’t. But my dad was, and he was in town visiting, accompanied by the emblem on the back of his truck. The guy said we should drink sometime. Numbers were not exchanged. We’ll call that a node, because it’s not quite a connection. And it’s mainly nodes, waiting to be connected, to have relevance. But first, no matter who you’re trying to befriend, you have to answer everyone else’s Do I Care Quiz. The quiz is employed by 93% of locals to determine how they feel about you existing within their personal 50-mile radius. The first question is non negotiable:

1) Are you visiting?

Variations on this question include “how long are you in town?” or “what brings y’all to town?” or my least favorite and most insulting, “did you just finish Jeeping?” I know I have blonde hair and say y’all, but how dare you. (Also, to be clear, you can own a Jeep, customize your Jeep, mod out your Jeep, and love your Jeep, but you’re not Jeeping until you drive too fast through a tiny town so you can hurl your Jeep over a mountain pass without ever getting out of it.) So the answer to “are you visiting” is “no, I live here.” Which brings us to the next question, my favorite for how loaded the gun, kneeling in the grass, scope on, target locked it is.

2) Are you part-time or full-time?

The first time I answered this question, I didn’t realize it was essentially like asking how someone voted in the 2020 election. The judgment was cocked and ready and the palpable relief/joy/or at the very least, tolerance, exuded by answering “full-time” was like when the sun comes out from behind the clouds on a 40 degree day. I was fine, but wow that does feel better. The third question though does not have a standard hoped-for answer. This is where nodes turn to connections turn to phone numbers.

3) What brings you here?

It seems like the best possible answer would be saying you work in town, and you’re going to begin construction on displaced-worker housing to ensure the people who run this town can actually live in it. We’d have everyone’s phone number. Saying you’re a writer who works remotely and bought a house from a legendary and beloved local who could no longer afford it is really something you keep to yourself. But in the interest of making friends, I just word vomit my entire history. We might as well find out at the onset if I make your eyes roll back into your skull. Not at all threatening that all it takes is a single social signal misinterpreted to be the absolute death knell of my ability to make friends in a town of some 1400 adults. In fact, I’ll share one such interaction. I was hiking with Cooper, about 5 miles by foot away from my house. I was on a trail, crossing a sloped meadow, and a group was traversing up the hillside to the trail. I said hi, where y’all coming from. One girl answered and we talked about the trail. She eyed me up and down. “Did you just move here?” “I did!” “I served your family last week,” she said. “Oh,” that phrasing. “Must have been my in-laws.” “Heard you bought Jack’s house. Such a bummer when locals like that are forced out.” “We didn’t even know about his house,” I said. “We were looking at another house and he asked his realtor if he could get us to come see his house. We just loved it, and him!” She had no emotional reaction to this. “You moved from California?” she asked. (Dangerous question.) “Yeah, got these sea level lungs, haha,” attempting to disarm with humor was a failure, “but couldn’t be happier to be out of California.” “It’s not like this all year. Winter’s really hard here, you’re in for a rude awakening.” “Well California’s the last place I lived, but I’m not from there. I’ve lived in brutal winters. At least Colorado gets sun!” I laugh with cloaked loathing. “It’s different when you live at altitude,” she said, like no human aside from her had ever been literally anywhere. “Are you trying to go around?” She indicated the path behind her. “No, y’all go ahead, just gonna wait to give you your space. I’m sure you’re faster than me.” “K, good luck making it to the lake." Maybe she was thirsty. Maybe she was hungover. Maybe she just has vicious delivery, but it felt like every blade of grass was leaning against the wind to listen. She was with four other people and not one of them said a word. I left that interaction not wanting to see another human ever again. But that interaction, and her intimate knowledge of exactly which house I lived in, made me want to decorate like we lived in a gingerbread house, all candy canes and plum drops, screaming to any passerby that we’re friendly. One of the mayor’s first questions to me was “what are you going to do to the house?” There are rules here about what your house can look like, and I kept emphasizing we bought the house because we loved it, not because we wanted to change everything about it. And now, instead of wanting to decorate the interior, I want to put up shades so we don’t contribute to light pollution, I want to hang a sign by the water spigot saying “grab some if you need” for hikers and mountain bikers, I want to paint a sign for the wild mint by our door that says, “I mint to tell you to take some,” because our neighbors were openly panicked they wouldn’t be able to just grab mint from the cabin’s garden anymore. Without question, COVID makes things harder. Dinner parties feel like dares. Dropping cookies off at someone’s house feels invasive. Grabbing a drink feels like the ultimate sign of trust. But at least we have nodes who can connect who can think to invite us and who can see that despite having lived in California, we’re not all that bad. In the meantime, I’ll be painting signs about water and mint, hoping to garner the benefit of the doubt from the so beautifully, earnestly, and waiting-to-see-if-you’re-worth-it doubtful.

Subscribe to the newsletter at tinyletter.com/keltonwrites — high altitude relocation and renovation in a tiny mountain town.

[yanderecandystore]

ok ok hear me out hear me out. Yuma becoming obsessed with one of the game’s ( few ) sentient, non-romancable npcs. Like they can think and feel and ( somewhat ) act for themselves but there just isn’t a route for them. Also bonus points of the darling is kinda bratty/prissy, we haven’t see a lot of readers like that. Ily and your writing so much, mwah — ✨ anon

My my, how different!

Welcome in, ✨ Anon! And thank you for enjoying my writing so far.

TW/Tags: I love this concept, although being very different from the norm // some ddlc vibes // I just discovered a new word and I'm so glad it exists! (prissy reader cause I think this would be very fun-) // angsty // trapping, manipulation and gaslighting // every time the gender isn't set, I like to keep it ambiguous, basically making it gender neutral (gender neutral reader) // gender neutral Yuma //

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Just Yuma (lol) [Yandere!A.I OC x A.I!Reader - Headcanon]:

I like to think that a game like Yuma's would be made to entertain the players to at least 5 or so years before the next installment- Which is basically the same as the last with better graphics and switching the main love interest cast.

The games would be made clearly for the sake of fan service and slice of life material- But would be surprisingly more advanced to us than to those who have created the franchise.

Because there is already an estimation of the amount of content and for how long players would play the game, every single character should get at least some bit of highlight- So even npcs that are just there for the sake of ambience and narrative, are treated with a lot of care and given the best a.i the developers could give to make the experience entertaining.

You are just like any other non-dateable npc, except that you have gained a bit of a role in one of the main cast's routes. It wouldn't be a stretch to guess that one of these characters would be Yuma themselves.

You were supposed to be Yuma's love interest, meaning you would have an role as an player's rival- But due to an strict schedule and corporate greed, you have been demoted from having such a big impact, and now you're basically Yuma's best friend who keeps them from committing homicide every five seconds.

It's not exactly a bad role, since you keep having the same dynamic with them from before- Chaotic gremlin is best friends with Paranoid goody two shoes, now with less romantic interactions.

The only mistake by the company was to leave half of the data showcasing this relationship in the game at the release. Basically- Half of the cutscenes and dialogue involving you and Yuma not only being friends but the start of you two dating (the game kinda pairs the couples up if the player fails to date them, or simply shows disinterest in the characters to begin with-) and even some of the things involving you two during the dating phase- Even the potential break-up sequence which could be orchestrated by the player.

Well, could have- Since none of this content is really available or considered official, the only way to access it is by messing the games files.

So in a way, you're already pretty sentient as it is, you act not as a rival but as a somewhat helper into getting the player to get closer to Yuma. I don't know how much you are aware about your own circumstances, or if you even care about the concept of being just an character made for the sake of another-

In the home planet that has created and released the game, players were kinda disappointed with what happened- They preferred the deleted/unused content more than the events and dialogue that was used for you two, so much so that people started shipping you two more than actually being interested in romancing Yuma, especially since they're way too chaotic for most player's taste.

There was an update overhaul being planned to happen where not only the stuff related to you would be changed- But all the other characters and gameplay mechanics would be updated and hopefully make the game better- But ever since your cartridge has been suddenly lost and forgotten on Earth, you were never able to see that update.

Not that you were aware of it to begin with, but still, what a shame. And not only that, your game is basically Glitch Station- Absolutely filed with mods to help the gameplay be "easier" to the original owner of this cartridge. I don't think she even remembers where she has left it.

Still, even when a new save was made you felt a weird sensation of deja vu. The game has started again with a new player playing it and trying to work their way through this broken game.

You didn't understand why all these events felt familiar though, you only felt like it made sense. It was your first year in college, you got ready and made sure to look your best and give your goodbye to your parents-

It felt like this day has happened before, and even if your routine was similar, you felt like this day was supposed to be a big deal- Why does it feel oddly nostalgic?

Why… Why are the floors on your house flowing? Why are there so many empty spaces here and there? You feel like you could potentially fall from your disintegrating house. And your parents, where are they? Why can't you see them? Why can you only hear them saying goodbye back to you from one of the other rooms?

When you open the door to see them- There is nothing there. There is not even a room.

It's a door that leads to nowhere. Just an empty void.

The sensation of dread was starting to creep in yet you thought that it would be uncalled for to overreact. Like you weren't allowed to showcase concern for the odd reality around you.

You walked on foot towards your college, panicking slightly at the people who would fade in and out of existence- Yet you had held yourself from screaming, from showing any sense of vulnerability at the thought that maybe you were in a dangerous place or realm.

You were coded to not find issues with the odd reality around you, like any other npc- You were taught to hold in and try to keep a sense of normality so no players would find issue with screaming characters begging to be freed. But your nervous personality caused you to search for help, you panicked and ended up running away to what you assumed to be a safe place- Somewhere crowded with a lot of people.

The institution's gates were open, you entered like your life depended on it (and maybe it did) yet you stopped yourself from screaming when you noticed a commotion happening.

A guy who was wearing the uniform lazily has bumped into a girl, causing her to fall. She is yelling at him because the fall has broken her phone, he is trying his best to calm her down- But at the same time it feels like he is just making poor choices of words because of how sick he is of having to chat with someone so angry at an accident.

Haven't you seen this before? But if so- When? When could you possibly have seen something like that happen?-

"- [Y/N]?"

"- AAAAH- Oh hey Yuma."

You yelled after getting spooked by Yuma- Who was…. Why are they wearing that?

"- Why aren't you in your uniform, Yumie?" You asked them, showing your own uniform in the process. You called them by a sweet nickname you had given them- But when exactly?

You know that you're best friends with Yuma, but since when? You know it should have been for about 6 years or so, but… It feels like you have only known them for a year- How… Weird.

"- Don't tell me you're already breaking a rule on your first day." You pouted and stomped your fit into the ground. Yes, you know that Yuma is a troublemaker…. You know…. That.

Yuma hasn't been able to speak ever since you showed concern about their outfit. They were staring at you in shock- As if you were an odd creature who they just found.

"- Y-You can see my outfit??" They blurted out. How can you recognize it??? All the other npcs recognize it as their uniform, but why are you suddenly acting like you do??

"- Hm, duh? Sorry Yummie, but that sporty outfit of yours is more eye-catching than that guy's barely well put together uniform- Such bad manners, I bet he woke up and hastily wore the first thing he saw-" You were beginning to go on a rant about that guy's uniform- That guy being the MC of this new save file. Yuma has stopped you by pulling you away from the college's entrance and entering into a secluded area so they could interrogate you over this odd behavior you were displaying.

"- Yummie- What are you doing!?" You cried out feeling hurt by their tight grip on your wrists.

"- WHAT DID YOU CALL MY OUTFIT??" They yelled desperately. Begging for their hypothesis to be corrected.

"- … A breaking of the uniform rule?" You genuinely did not understand where they were talking about.

"- No, No NO! You said Sporty Outfit, right?" They said reminding you of what you have previously commented about their outfit.

"- Oh! Yes, yes I did- And although being somewhat casual looking- It does fit the category of sporty." You readdressed the topic while going on a bit of detail- The usual annoying talk you would always do whenever a dialogue with you was activated.

Yuma was over the edge- They have never, ever met another sentient character with the same a.i as theirs.

They haven't been this happy since a long, long time.

"- You're so annoying!" They screamed, their face showing a bright smile as tears filled their eyes.

"- Yummie that's so rude!-" You were about to defend yourself when they grabbed you and hugged you as tight as they could.

"- You're genuinely so, so, so, so, so, so ANNOYING!!" They continued to go on, laughing while crying, loving every second of this.

You were coded to be their best friend. You were coded to be the one that would balance them out. You were once coded to be someone made to be able to be their lover, but here you are- The real you, free from all the locks that would keep your a.i from growing and understanding them.

If you're able to be sentient, then all of their friends can as well.

You're the personification of a miracle, to Yuma. The personification of hope.

In this scenario, Yuma isn't aware that the player isn't the same alien who has destroyed their digital world, so to them, they can't ever let the player see you getting sentient and becoming aware of your imprisonment.

" If a player finds issues with any of the characters being portrayed, they must return the cartridge to their nearest store to get a factory reset." Such a simple yet frightening tip to Yuma, to any a.i that has suddenly found itself desperate to get out of the system that traps them.

At first, the idea of having someone like them be also aware of the situation is incredible, it's amazing even! You two could possibly work out a way of getting a way to be free- It wouldn't be easy but hopefully you two would be able to have life away from this game and even finding a way of bringing your other friends with you two.

However, after discovering that not only has the cartridge found itself on another planet with another player being the new owner of it- And discovering that it's just a matter of trading places with other people to be able to be free- Yuma would start getting really clingy to you. They have been all alone thinking that they were the only one capable of feeling and thinking for themselves.

Yuma has found those unused events and scattered dialogue, you know?

While they were looking for a possibility, any possibility of getting out- They found those unused files where you two were able to be together.

And although they thought it was weird at first, after seeing you have a better understanding of your current reality and existence- It oddly sounds fitting.

Of course it would be you, the one who always puts them back on the right tracks, to be the second one to want to escape this game.

It 's so fitting.

The idea of being something more than just a best friend to you is starting to sound more and more appealing in their eyes- It's so ironic that you two work together so well.

After Yuma gets their taste of freedom and you try to calm a frightened young guy that wasn't expecting to be suddenly kidnapped and be forced to stay in the game world for a while, you wait for them to find the solution to free everyone without trying to trap anymore "humans"..

No one should be stuck here for the sake of someone else leaving, that's what you have told them.

But Yuma didn't care. Yuma just wanted to be free with you and everyone else, who cares for those that have to deal with a glitchy game for eternity?

You two had an argument. You didn't want to continue feeling like your whole life was a lie, you want to be free but no one should be hurt in the process. What good would it be if someone else has to go through the same torment as you two?

With each day that passes by, you notice how both of your ideas of freedom were different- To the point they had to tell you the truth.

You aren't going out of there anymore. Not until you understand and truly appreciate the effort that Yuma goes through to find a way of freeing you- Of finding a victim, to be in your place.

They never told you about your previously intended role in the game, they thought you would be more terrified of following their instructions- And besides, it would be very distasteful to insinuate that the only reason that they care for you it's because of that code that was left unused- Which couldn't be more of a lie! They genuinely care for you!

…. But maybe a bit of tempering would help you see their side of the story, right?

It can't be that hard to modify some of the codes, the game is already broken anyway.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[beggingwolf]

hi so I've just eaten too much ice cream, feel vaguely ill, and I'm here to tell you All About How I Failed At Outlining for SGKF this year!

that's partially just a fun tagline, but it's also a bit true. I told my friends I'd be trying to use several different outlining methods to try and knock out a plotty piece for the fest, and things did not go to plan!

important to begin with: I am what is referred to as a "pantser." I tend to just start writing. this is strangely contradictory to my personality, which deeply loves plans. unfortunately, what often happens is plans and outlines ruin my excitement and drive while working on a project (it tricks me into thinking I've done all the work and resolved the plot), leading me to abandon it.

and though I can throw together pretty words and made a decent fic, my fics never turned out as good as they could have been. I kept telling myself that if I planned in advanced and worked out what I was doing BEFORE I did it, I'd be able to craft a fic with such care and attention as to make it really SHINE.

so, uh, kinkfest rolls around, and since I was a mod I could see all the prompts before they even got released to the public, so I basically had a WHOLE EXTRA two-ish weeks to start planning and writing.

did I? NO.

so, despite the fact that I collect writing advice like a magpie , I'm not the greatest at implementing it. if you go into my SGKF google folder, you'll find a few instances of me TRYING to implement writing advice like metawriting:

(and you'll see some fics that didn't get finished/make it into the fest!)

my issue was (and still is) that I think I value every little word too much. this is a bad thing: I'm an overwriter by nature. when I get words down, I want to keep them because I feel like I worked hard for them, even if they're not great or don't actually serve the story in the way they should. that's not to say all my metawriting was bad; it wasn't. I tried it out for A Drowning in California as well [which will henceforth just be referred to as "California").

I had a whole subfolder for California. what kind of amazed me is how different my initial notes for the prompt are from what the story actually ended up being. here, take a look:

literally almost none of this is in california. the WWE and UFC stuff made it in, and so did sid wrestling with horny, but that was it. I was going to start this fic in the locker room, with sid wrestling someone, and it was seriously going to be a story about sex—about sid wanting to hold geno down in bed. that was the premise.

and instead, we got a really emotional story about familial rejection and the isolation it can make people feel. SO! something happened along the way, right?

when I started getting into the plot that would support this supposed sexfest, this is where I went at first:

geno wants the relationship to get serious, sid is like mentally still a 12 year old who just wants to wrestle people and doesn't want to talk about his emotions, and prefers to use physicality to communicate. this doesn't work for geno, who wants ... more

we can start to see the actual emotions come through, the things I was interested in: sid using touch to talk, and geno desperately wanting more

what did the most good for me, in the end, was "doing" the metawriting by talking with my friends.

I told them what i thought this story was about ("I'm thinking about making this a story about relationship-defining, maybe? and the communication needed for a lasting adult relationship? I think I'm going to set it in california/LA, where Sid has invited Geno along for the first time for his California Summer Fun/Training/Escape, whatever, and Geno's going to be emotionally preoccupied with Defining The Relationship—maybe they've been on-again-off-again? maybe they're just new to this, like almost a year deep, and they're not getting younger—and thinking this trip is about that [or hoping this trip is about that, and realizing it isn't, and being disappointed].") and they told me what jumped out at them.

Jes told me what would ramp up the tension would be a deadline of some sort; "Geno’s going to break up with Sid or make some decision or something, or there’s something approaching where they have to make a will they or won’t they decision of some kind related to the core ‘defining the relationship’ issue. Geno’s going back to russia and in previous summers they’ve always slept with other people while apart? or Sid has a wedding coming up and he’s offhandedly mentioned taking someone else as his plus one?"

I liked her thoughts. it made sense to add an external pressure to all this, and that wedding idea stuck out to me the most.

Lis said I should add a jealousy angle, so you can largely credit her for the club scene: "one thing i like to sort of headcanon/imply about sid's california trips is he uses them to hook up anonymously. so you could have, like, sid and geno seeing sid's friends, but also accidentally running into some of sid's friends. and geno's like oh, great, so here i am doing this horrible summertime training that i hate because i don't need to train in the offseason actually, and i'm learning what exactly sid gets up to when we're apart."

My magical solution these days is GOING FOR WALKS. do it if you're able. it clears out your brain. so on my walks I ended up deciding that I wanted a taylor crosby wedding. I like taylor as a character, and as a person with sisters I just like writing her in. best of all, she and sid are close and I like writing "I'd do anything for my family" sid.

and then I was like. oh. what if it's not that sid is afraid/nervous to bring geno, it's that he can't.

I... wasn't as conflicted as I thought I'd be about writing sid's parents as homophobic. I prefer to write them as supportive; I think troy crosby's been eviscerated more than he should have been in older fanworks, and though I respect their right to make fictional!troy whatever they want, I've been a little skeptical of outlandish takes on him ("he doesn't say I love you to his son because a camera caught them mid-interaction once!") ever since I read how the media has found him a convenient narrative villain while he tried to keep his underage son safe from the media as a child and while they needed to cook up Spicy Stories about squeaky-clean sid.

uh, tangent aside, I always thought I'd never write a "parents are the villains" story, but I did here. it felt right. it was easier, too, because they're not PRESENT in the story. I didn't have to write trina actually being horrible to her son. I just had to skirt the edges of the wound.

which works well on two fronts: I don't have to actively write the crosbys being horrible to sid, and I also leave more to the imagination of the reader, and that almost never fails to make the work better. whatever the reader imagines them saying to sid, it's going to be 10x more hurtful than anything I'd write.

I dug really deep on some personal emotions and fears I experience as a gay person for a lot of sid's arc here. sid is deeply imperfect in this story, and he's internalizing his pain and the horrible thing that's happened to him, which is making him pull away from his partner, and sid is not responding how geno wants, nor is he responding well, period, though he's trying in his own wounded, stilted way.

and beloved geno, whose tender heart is so hidden away for fear of someone hurting it. I really like writing geno; he's huffy and emotional and sometimes bitchy and feels things SO deeply.

once I had more of an idea, I was already working on a more detailed outline. this is where I seriously took Jes's advice and WROTE EVERYTHING OUT! it made it so much less daunting, because I didn't have to be figuring out my next steps AND crafting sentences at the same time. also this is where I tell you that the title of this post is mostly a lie, it was metawriting I failed at.

This outline also meant I avoided writing large swaths of things that should've been cut. Another beta told me I should delete three scenes and condense a bunch of emotions into the club scene, and she was SO right. Cutting events out of an outline is WAY easier than cutting out pages of text.

Ironically my outline kind of deteriorated after the club scene, but that's alright: after I wrote the club scene, I actually had a clear vision of what I wanted the end to be. I just had to trust myself. I CAN do this, I CAN still just write intuitively sometimes!

I think California did what I wanted it to do. I'd love to try something out that's longer and has more story arcs in it (jes has a post for that too!) but I think that's best saved for another, longer project, though 18k isn't short.

next up is maggie stief's writing seminar that I bought a month back. I'm going to start working on that this month and see how I like it. I have a few halloween fic ideas, plus spookfest, so these next two months we should be cooking in the kitchen!

[i-just-wanna-be-called-sparkle]

Oh, I see your new title! Okay, tell me about Mitsuo. Anything you want, your headcanons, AUs, canon, or anything else, here's your rambling free pass!

THANK. YOU. You are a life saver. I have wanted to ramble about this stupid boy for SO LONG.

I’ll try not to ramble for like, ridiculously long, but also I really can’t predict how long it’ll end up being in the end. But where do I begin…?

I’d say I have quite a few Mitsuo AUs, the first one that comes to mind is a one off one where he’s an Imp, absolutely inspired by my partner’s Miitopia game, where Mitsuo is an Imp. I really love Imp Mitsuo in that game, he’s a little brat and he causes problems on purpose and I just adore it, it kickstarted my third wave of Mitsuo Love. It would he fun to do something with this AU but I haven’t thought of much by myself. I do know he usually comes out of hiding in Inaba around nighttime and steals stuff, because again, he’s just a little troublemaker. Narukami tries to befriend him, because it’s Narukami, and I can’t NOT create an AU where they aren’t involved with each other somehow.

I guess that’s another thing I’ve been brainrotting over, not explicitly Mitsuo, but him and Narukami as a ship. Can I call the ship Mitsuyu? I’m gonna call it Mitsuyu.

I really really like this ship. I really love the idea of Narukami trying to befriend Mitsuo because of how he’s portrayed to try and befriend literally everyone, I love the idea of him being the only one with enough understanding and compassion and empathy to get close with Mitsuo and really learn about him. I like how in game Narukami’s willing to go up to Mitsuo on the street and just listen to him ramble, and I feel like Mitsuo has no one to talk to aside from Narukami, so whenever he gets the chance, he just goes on and on and on, and Narukami’s willing to listen. I think he’s got a lot of things swirling around in his head, he could ramble for hours.

I’m worried this ramble is just gonna turn into one about Mitsuyu now, lmao.

Imagine how they’d interact in the Imp Mitsuo AU… Mitsuo would probably be a little shit. Like, he’d just completely mess around with Narukami all the time, maybe be a little flirty sometimes. He’d probably be genuinely surprised when Narukami keeps coming back to talk to him through it all. Next thing he knows, he’s got a genuine friend, and oh no, he’s catching feelings! Because let’s face it, Mitsuo would definitely catch feelings first, I think.

They’d probably hit him like a slap in the face. I think Narukami would come to a more gradual realization of his feelings. He’d be better at hiding them compared to Mitsuo too - Mitsuo’s probably painfully obvious. To clarify, I’m not strictly talking about Imp Mitsuo here, I mean EVERY Mitsuo from any AU I discuss that includes Mitsuyu.

Narukami would be really good for Mitsuo. I already have a post about Mitsuo headcanons, I believe, though I can’t remember if I listed off the headcanon of him being neglected. Couple that with him being ignored or belittled by everyone else around him because of his looks, it’s no wonder he’s so desperate for attention he’d kill a guy. Also sometimes I wonder how he managed to kill Morooka AND hang his body on a roof. He’s still in high school, y’know? Weird boy. But I digress.

Narukami would give him all the attention he’s been craving for so long. Praise, hugs, kisses, all the soft stuff Mitsuo didn’t realize he really needed until he got it. I think Mitsuo would cry when he gets to cuddle Narukami for the first time. Narukami would soothe him, too. I just want them to be soft, Mitsuo needs it.

It’d take a while, but I can see Narukami’s existence in Mitsuo’s life affecting him drastically, by that I mean holy shit Narukami, you just prevented a murder. Narukami would kill away Mitsuo’s feelings of emptiness, he wouldn’t feel like he’s nothing anymore, because he matters to Narukami. As long as he’s around, Mitsuo isn’t nothing. He feels he finally has a purpose.

I also can’t remember if I mentioned this in the Mitsuo headcanons post, but I don’t think Mitsuo would care what you label his gender as, maybe. Not much to it, he just doesn’t care. Maybe he secretly gets happy when someone refers to him with pronouns that aren’t he/him for once. He’s not good at hiding it in front of Narukami, I bet. Narukami likes to frequently switch his pronouns around just to see him smile. Mitsuo doesn’t smile very often, so Narukami cherishes it.

I used to think of Mitsuo’s in-game sprites as completely unflattering, at least, compared to how he looks in the P4 anime. He’s really cute in the anime. But I’ve gotten so fond of him that I actually think his smiling sprite is cute now. Like, when you can talk to him in the shopping district and he’s rambling about the murders, you have the option to either agree or disagree with what he says. When you agree, he smiles. And it totally gets to me. Not only does no one talk to him, I bet barely anyone ever agrees with him on things, either. I can’t imagine how happy he might feel to have someone engage with him for once and actually agree with what he says.

There’s so much untapped potential with Mitsuo, it’s so sad. The most you get of his backstory is through his dungeon, and through talking with NPCs around town about him, and thats about it. It’s a shame that Atlus didn’t flesh him out as much as the other characters. Seriously, through his attention seeking nature alone, there’s so much potential backstory there. What he’s already got is fine, it’s okay, but he could’ve gotten so much more. And most people brush him off because of his looks, too, so there’s really not much Mitsuo fan content out there to consume, along with the small amount of official Mitsuo content that exists.

I think a social link with him would be really cool, but with how everything fits together in P4 like a puzzle, it would never work out without heavy planning and modification. Might be a cool mod though.

I think his dungeon is great, and I love how one floor is the exact same as a floor in Adachi’s dungeon because he’s a mock killer. I like it visually, and I LOVE his dungeon theme. I was so angry when I heard it for the first time because goddamn, it was criminally catchy. I love his boss fight too. He needs to hide behind a video game character, a shield, to pretend to be strong and courageous and mature, when he’s really just a weak, cowardly child with (most likely) an overinflated ego. I like how the dialogue progresses into madness the farther you go into his dungeon, I like the first dialogue of Mitsuo getting “knocked down” by Morooka to represent him getting expelled. Even though there’s not much of it, the stuff in P4 relating to Mitsuo is all really cool and really fascinating.

I think it’d do wonders for his character just seeing more cutscenes with him in them. Like, before Morooka’s murder, you can see him in the background of some of Yukiko’s s-links, stalking her. Maybe it shows a cutscene of him rambling to Rise that one time, or it shows him angrily running out of Marukyu Tofu when the boys go there for the first time, cuz he was being ignored. Maybe there could be a simple cutscene of him being lead into the interrogation room by Adachi and then being pushed into the TV because YES, I AM STILL SALTY THAT HE IS THE ONLY VICTIM WITHOUT A CUTSCENE. I know the lights were off, but… C’mon, Atlus, doesn’t that just make your job easier…?

And look at that, I STILL ended up rambling about Mitsuo for too damn long. So sorry about that, but seriously - thank you for giving me the opportunity. It’s not very often that I get to talk about him, so I really just indulged in myself here. And sorry if the formatting is weird, or if the progression doesn’t make sense etc. I practically started speaking my mind, just seeing where that would take me. And it took me all over the place :’)