#I feel ready to vomit

[pillowenvelopchair]

"Our paths diverged long ago. It was affection that held us together." Hello? HELLO??????????????

[hazelkjt]

My pancakes just tried to kill me

[willkimurashat]

Hmm, what is this.. tingle in my fingers? What is this.. scratching in my brain? What is…? Am I..? Am I having a… an urge to write?🫢 Am I nearing.. the end of my… writing hiatus?🫢 Oh. Oh dear..🫢

[villainsrph]

hey everyone ! this is a big update that I've been trying to properly put together for a minute. between the holidays, IRL work, general life management, etc - I simply have not been here. I've always been slow, but my presence here has basically been non-existent and I apologize for that.

TL;DR commissions will be closed and no new work will be accepted for at minimum two to three weeks, if not longer! I'm transitioning commissions to being a side-gig as opposed to my full time job, and it's been tougher than I expected. I appreciate everyone bearing with me! under the cut is a good old genuine word-vomit processing a lot of big feelings I've had the last month and a more in depth explanation of my current situation!

I appreciate everyone who has commissioned me over the years and that continues to do so! I'm excited to continue to create for you guys in the future, with a healthier work mindset and schedule! all is well, I'm happy and starting to do well, and happy holidays to everyone!

(this paragraph is solely me gushing about my job, I could do it for hours.) I really love my IRL job. (I've posted it before, but to those who hadn't seen, I work in a movie theater now!) this is genuinely something I can see becoming a full fledged career for me and I didn't expect that. I have so much fun, I leave work feeling fulfilled and appreciated, and I've become close with practically every member of our staff. my identity as a trans man is respected as well. I'm also already having more opportunities within the company being offered to me, and I want to put the proper energy into it.

that is why I've been taking time to rest when I can and not push myself to be here online if I'm not physically or mentally in the right mindset to create, or putting a time limit on myself to do so. my anxiety surrounding my finances is something I've struggled with for years. going into a paid, consistent position has been eye-opening and so healthy for me. I never thought I'd be able to accomplish that (I certainly wasn't fit to in the past) and I'm genuinely very proud of myself and happy.

I've revolved everything in life around commissions in previous years, and not always in the healthiest way. I've taken the last few weeks to re-evaluate my feelings and expectations that I and I alone put on myself to be here. my life has changed a lot this year. truly from the lowest of low, to a place that is happy and warm. it feels appropriate to be going into the new year with taking a new outlook on life and work in general.

while I won't be stopping commissions any time soon, as I said above, I've been struggling to break out of the mindset of this being my sole full time job that I rely on and transitioning it into more of a side job for me. so to start with making healthier strides here, I am not going to be accepting commissions at least for the next two to three weeks at minimum. I'm going to solely focus on the current list and get caught up when I'm free to, and re-evaluate how much of my time I can properly dedicate to commissions every week. I want to find a good balance of commissions, my career, and my home life - with, for the first time since I started, commissions taking the backseat.

thank you again to everyone who has been patient with me beyond reason, who has commissioned me, bought templates, etc ! y'all are the reason I've been able to get to this point in my life, and I will forever be unbelievably fucking grateful. and if you actually read all of this, thank you.

[basileus]

I went to drinks and a comedy show with a university friend last night (Eugene Mirman - great show, I laughed so hard that my stomach physically hurt this morning) and during the catch up conversation I had to admit that my main fandom interest is hockey, and it has been since um, last October and it's still going strong because the season is starting up again soon and both my sisters and my coworkers keep buying me tickets.

And my friend was like 'oh, I bet there is a lot of hockey fanfic! tell me about your favorite players and maybe I'll look them up' and, because I knew that she knew that I have spent most of this summer reading in various bodies of water (thank god for waterproof phone cases), I could not go 'fanfiction? for real people? I've never heard of it' which is generally the line I like to walk with my loved ones not regularly in the rpf sphere.

So I gave her a couple small sketches about my favorite players on the kraken, a overview on the hughes brother self insert fandom that you mostly see on twitter, and some of the older ships (hallsyebs my beloved) but what I did NOT share is that my favorites are not super popular in the hrpf narratives because they are good boring little dudes.

Anyways all of this is to say is that despite not being an Avs fan, I've been having a kick reading mostly NateJo fic this summer and I love it, it's a hrpf ship narrative that is inherently full of misunderstandings and sadness and pining and the ao3 writers are amazing and know exactly what I like (which is werewolf fucking), but nathan mackinnon is a freak. A FREAK. I appreciate him but I cannot describe even his normal rl behavior to my university friend who I now only talk to like three times a year, much less his hrpf persona. I simply cannot.

[sparklyoats]

…

[conderkyl]

New hair who dis

[sovaharbor]

do you know how fucking stupid it is to be terrified out of your mind over leaving the house and being in a car for ~40 minutes tomorrow. do you know how fucking stupid it is to overhear your mom on the phone with your dad as they bicker over what could possibly be so scary about going to a doctors appointment tomorrow. do you know how fucking stupid it is to get so anxious just Thinking about tomorrow that you start shaking and have to force-feed yourself your favorite chicken gnocchi soup while you literally try to not vomit from the sheer amount of anxiety you are feeling. do you Know how Stupid it is.

[rainofthetwilight]

guess who is skipping both school and swim practice bc the cold got WORSE

[polyamquackity]

Normal day

[anarkhebringer]

As I play my self-insert I realize that being Durge is gonna just be a nonstop reminder of my intrusive thoughts and how TikTokers would call me a sociopath

[thatfizzyyyy]

🧍🏾‍♀️

[nolivingdudeami]

*

[dhampir-dyke]

I'm so awful at orienting new people idk why they keep giving them to me. Like truly I suck at it

[killjoy121710]

I have met people, like section mates and co workers, who have not thrown up since childhood, like single digits young. Meanwhile for me, over the years, it’s gotten to the point where when I get sick, my family is barely even concerned. Mild reactions and “do you feel better?”. To be fair yeah I usually DO feel better after vomiting lol but still it’s 🫠

[chiritori]

my tumblr experience these days is like: open app. block another pornbot. make a vent post. get bored and forget to post anything else. close app