#i go online i exhibit mental illness then go back offline

[daz4i]

suicide under the cut you know the drill 🖤

besties i am not going to lie to you i have not stopped thinking abt how much i want to be dead for hours now 🖤 it's unreal 🖤 literally going "i want to die" in my head like a mantra 🖤

i kind of don't really wanna sign up to that course at all I'm mostly doing it bc everyone in my life thinks it's a good idea and i got nothing better to do and i need to pass the time somehow but it feels like a huge waste for me and it's a huge source of stress rn even tho it hasn't even started yet adjfjoghl. I'm really not looking forward to being this active and in public and meet new people like I'm very much dreading it and really don't want to do it (which is probably a sign I should to combat my anxiety or w/e idc)

but it's not like i would've done anything else otherwise lol 🖤

idk I'm like. very much given up! i don't wanna do anything! maybe there's like stuff here and there like playing a certain game that I'd like to experience but i mean bigger life stuff. i don't want or even can do anything so like what's the point

would be funny if i killed myself only to find out i was actually dead all this time and simply living with a brain like mine is the hell god chose for me lmao. not that it'll happen bc I'm a fucking coward but anyway 🖤 a guy can dream (not about this outcome but about killing myself at least lol)

maybe i need to sleep rn bc it's 3:30 am but i don't think i can esp not when feeling this bad (and i KNOW I'm gonna have so many nightmares so I'm also kinda trying to prolong the inevitable ig) so there's not much else to do other than refresh apps and cry as usual. wellp

[curatedjournal-blog]

World Mental Health Day - Some thoughts for students

So, likelihood is you’ve seen these before or they don’t matter/apply to you BUT in the off chance that you may need to hear it today, tomorrow, yesterday or 5 years from now let me tell you a few things about self-care and dealing with ill mental health not just as a student but as a human being.

DISCLAIMER/WARNING: I have been on and off depression and anxiety meds for the past 5+ years, have been through counselling, CBT, you name it. Also, some of this may be TRIGGERING so please be kind to yourself and stop/don’t start reading it if it feels wrong or painful. Also, these are as much for me as they are for others so there’s that...

1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Sadly, all around the world, ill mental health is misunderstood, mocked and disregarded by many. Sometimes you may not be able to find support in your family or friends. Often not because they don’t want to support you but because they don’t understand what you are going through. However, there are multitudes of online and offline communities that can help for free and with no strings attached (I don’t want to recommend any service in particular for personal reasons but Google

can be a great friend in these cases. Also, your school/uni often has free psychological support for students).

2. Stress and anxiety are more common among students than you think. The pressure can be awful and it comes from all sides - family, money, professors, yourself. It sucks. Which is why you NEED to...

3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Dude, self-care is everywhere these days. In a way, it almost lost it’s meaning! What is it really? Going on a shopping spree? Having a spa day? Exercising? Eating your favourite snack? Watching an episode of your fave show? All of the above? Well...

4. ONE SIZE DOESN’T FIT ALL. For me self-care is not binge watching Netflix as a way to avoid my to-dos, not letting shit accumulate, staying moderately on top of things and not kicking myself in the ass if I don’t. It’s also practicing kundalini yoga as OFTEN as I REMEMBER, journalling WHEN I feel like it, engaging in a hobby for 5 MINS to take my head of things, cooking a healthy meal IF I have time, etc.

5. SELF-CARE DOESN’T HAVE TO COST MONEY. Students are broke, we ain’t got no money (or time) for expensive massages and weekend yoga retreats. There’s so many free stuff that DOES NOT REQUIRE A SUBSCRIPTION which you can engage in to help you relax. Find a free exhibition to visit on a weekend, go to the local library and read a couple of soothing poems, go for a walk in the park (I’m a big believer in FOREST THERAPY). Also, if that’s your thing, youtube has LOTS of free self-care content: yoga classes, guided meditations, tips, soothing music...

6. If you’re STUCK IN A RUT, motivation doesn’t come, you can’t face leaving your bed because you fear something awful will happen well, I’m sorry but I’ll give you some tough love... Motivation won’t come. You have to do the thing even if you don’t feel

like it or are scared to do it. Likelihood is it’s not that big of a deal once you get started so... Take the first step (also, look into BEHAVIOURAL ACTIVATION a tried and true CBT technique).

7. EAT ONE FROG A DAY. You know that awful, anxiety inducing shit task you’ve been post-poning for ages that lingers in the back of your mind, eating at you and your sanity, neuron by neuron? Just get it over with. It won’t get any easier to do so may as well do it now and at least you can tick one off.

8. Frogs come in every size and SMALL WINS ARE IMPORTANT. Maybe your frog is making your bed in the morning or getting up before 7am or doing the dishes. Small victories accumulate and will make you feel accomplished step by step, no matter how small that step is. This can REALLY IMPROVE YOUR MOOD. Also, small frogs can easily become major frogs the more you put them off.

9. If it applies to you, TAKE YOUR MEDS and REMEMBER YOUR REPEAT PRESCRIPTIONS. Many times have I forgotten to take mine or reorder them to then feel like shit and completely useless for a week. What works for me may not work for you but here are my tips anyway - keep a water bottle and your meds by your bed next to your alarm clock/phone so you take them first thing when you wake up. Keep some extra meds in your bag so that IF you forget to take them then you have them with you and can easily get on top of it as soon as you realise.

10. KEEP HYDRATED. Honestly, I get majorly moody if I haven’t been drinking enough and it’s good for you eiter way so, do it!

11. BE ACCOUNTABLE. Find a buddy to help you keep in check (if you don’t have regular medical appointments or therapy sessions). Someone who you can talk to about how things are going or share experiences. Hey, I’m here if you’re desperate for a bud!

12. TRY TO DEVELOP AND KEEP A ROUTINE. Developing new habits takes a lot of effort and time. So it’s gonna be hard and you’ll feel like you want to give up and just hide under your covers (again, I speak from experience). Try and visualise what you’d like your daily routine to be - write it down, monitor it daily and if you fail try again...

13. TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY and a new chance to do things better. Try again and again until you succeed. And don’t beat yourself up everytime things don’t go exactly the way you want them to...

14. FOCUS ON POSITIVES. Remember those small wins? Write them down at the end of the day (or simply go over them in your mind). Keep a gratitude journal - as cliche as it sounds, remembering the good things at the end of a shit day will help you go to bed on a good note. I once heard of a lady who kept a journal where she only wrote positive things - all the negative crap she left out - I think that’s a great idea and something I am eager to try.

15. DECLUTTER FOR 5 MINS EACH DAY. A clean space makes for a clean mind. I always feel more anxious and moody if my space is messy.

16. EMBRACING MINIMALISM CAN HELP. Having lots of things doesn’t equal happiness or peace of mind. Lots of things create clutter and chaos and, in my case, mind clutter and anxiety.... which is why I’m currently actively trying to be more conscious about my possessions and purchases.

17. LEARN TO SAY NO. A lot of students in this community are perfectionists, overachieving, ambitious young people. It’s very easy to be seduced by cool opportunities, collabs, requests, invitations... Think twice before saying yes - can you realistically do what you are agreeing to? Will it contribute to your anxiety? Will it truly be beneficial for you? Be a bit selfish if you have to. It’s okay to focus on your wellbeing.

18. DON’T LET IMPOSTER SYNDROME TAKE THE REIGNS. We’ve all been there: I don’t deserve this, I’m not good enough, everyone else is smarter, I CAN’T DO THIS. Yes you can! Tell that voice to shut up. Say it in front of the mirror everyday: I AM ENOUGH AND I CAN DO THIS.

19. BREAK THINGS DOWN. Instead of writing on your to do list “clean bedroom”, break it down into as small tasks as possible: “pick up clothes from floor”, “change bedding”, “organise books”, “dust surfaces”, “vacuum”, etc.

20. ASK FOR HELP. I end it as I begun it. When it gets too hard, reach out. Whether it’s a close friend or an anonymous support line you don’t have to go through it alone. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOUR LIFE MATTERS.

YOU ARE UNIQUE AND AMAZING AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER.

[ia21132melly]

Evaluation of final outcome

My result was a poster, I used a simple vector style with no shading. On the poster was a QR code and a link to the page. The poster contains a green phone with a mimic of Instagram on the inside of a pink background with the words “it’s just blood” and details of the community within the area of the text and hashtags. On the outside of the phone is speech bubbles containing a heart and question mark. This was to communicate without words what the area is. The heart is the call to action to like the page, while the question mark is answering what it all is.

I believe the lack of wording is effective at grabbing the attention of the audience. There is also a sense of curiosity left for the viewers. Using a pink background may not have been the best option, I choose it as I did not want to use red due to the harshness and difficulty in reading on it. My colour choice could have been explored more and possible the type of style poster. Maybe a more simplicity one could have appealed to the non-colour audience, but it is a fine line to be walking on base on the overall branding. I could have also narrowed down my target audience more as I think I was trying to reach too many at once. To narrow it down I could have focused on a smaller age group range and a certain type of thought process.

Before the government request of lock down, many of the lessons was taken over by a side project of creating a poster for a festival. I found this problematic as we only had 4 weeks in the module and the lessons were being taken away from and used to do something irrelevant to the course or module itself. To try and stay afloat I increase the workload I was doing at home to try and keep up with the short deadline demands.

A major issue for this project was going from offline to online and not being able to collect my original exhibition stand in time. This meant not only could I not do. It required me to think quickly and adjust best I could. My original idea was to have my work on the stand I designed for the previous module and create a social media backdrop and hashtag to create engagement on the subject matter. Once I learned the exhibition was to take place at home, I thought I would do the same but take a photograph to share online. Unfortunately, I received notification of the university closure too late and I was unable to pick it up. Instead I decided to use the poster online and leave it at that. I then decided I would upload to the media page an extra additional day throughout the week as I would not be creating any from the exhibition itself. An issue I experienced later was trying to stay up with the demand of life and running a social media page while going through a chronical illness flare. Instead of doing anything about it I decided to accept my limitation and go back to things once I have finished my university work and have more mental energy to do what I set out to do.    

To further develop my work, I would have used models like I had planned. For additional improvements working on my illustration and typography skills would be convenient. Something else I could have done was made a questionnaire to get more solid feedback on what my audience would need. Visit charities and ask to place the poster up in their offices and walls. Ask GP receptionist and other community base places. I could have also done this online.