#i get why ppl who doesn’t know why he said that would be upset but

[aboutmetamorphosis]

u guys should try not giving a shit abt what the gp has to say about harry. it’s wonderful. 10/10 would recommend!

[tariah23]

Well, I’m still glad that Gojo was always a character who was growing and learning at least. He’s literally one of my favorite characters of all time now. Like, he’s never been as perfect as how the fans would make him out to be despite canonically being viewed as an absolute nuisance to everyone around him (I don’t think his peers necessarily hate him but a lot of them probably hate to see him coming and the ones who’ve dealt with him long enough to consider him a friend, tolerate him and groan whenever he opens his mouth, too 😭… out of love. He’s extremely childish so there is only sm the other adults around him can take and to an extent, his students. I think the only characters in canon who adore him and their eye’s sparkle whenever he’s around, and being a silly teacher was Yuuji and Miwa (she asked him for his autograph (he’s the most famous sorcerer in the jjk world) and when she was alone, she did a little dance in the empty hallway 🥺…) from what we’ve seen even though the others still care about him, too. They just find him rather annoying, which he most definitely is. And he does it on purpose. He plays too much.)

[kavehater]

AURGHH I KEEP FLASHBACKING TO THE AWKWARD SITUATION TODAY

[hornychristianprincess]

wasted (leehan x fem reader) FINAL

paring: leehan x fem reader, ft. taesan genre: smut, fluff, angst, fuckboy!leehan word count: 15k summary: finally confessing your feelings to leehan leads to a reaction you could have never prepared for. warnings: unwanted sexual advances (NOT from leehan), explicit [consensual] sex scenes, oral (female receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it b4 you tap it ppl) read on ao3 if you please by clicking HERE.

“Jaehyun, you have a lot of friends, right?” asks Leehan when he and his roommate are relaxing in their shared living room, doing homework. “Do you know anyone who works in the tutoring office? Blonde streak of hair?”

It’s the only attributes he can remember about the guy he saw you entering your room with only a few days ago, noticing the blue tutoring office logo on the chest of his polo shirt and the distinctive stripe of color in the middle his head. 

“Oh yeah, I think you’re talking about Taesan,” says Jaehyun, who luckily isn’t paying attention enough to his roommate to notice how he perks up at just the name. “Why?”

Even Leehan himself isn’t exactly sure why he cares so much. 

It’s hypocritical at best and gross at worst to think that you have any less of a right to screw around than he does. 

But whether it's his innate territoriality coming into play or the fact that he’s upset it wasn’t him at your side instead, he can’t help but see you differently after what he saw.

“I saw him with some girl I was fucking. Sexual partners are like cars – You don’t want one everyone gets to use, you know?”

Jaehyun, who had up until this point been lying on the floor and playing idly with his Nintendo switch, sits up to look at Leehan. “You’re not talking about Y/N, are you?”

The first thought that comes to a surprised Leehan’s mind is what he said to have tipped Jaehyun off. Failing to think of any divertive lie, he decides there’s no harm in Jaehyun knowing, only wondering, “How’d you find out?”

“I saw her going into your room the night of my Halloween party,”  he explains reasonably, before his voice and facial expression turn suddenly serious. “You shouldn’t talk about her like that. She’s going through a lot right now. She just failed all of her midterms and she might get kicked out of school.”

“Wait, really?” asks Leehan, who is hit with a sudden pang of deja vu as if he’s heard this before but doesn’t remember from where. 

And then, it’s with a sudden and strong surge of embarrassment that he remembers the moment when he was feeling horny and decided to send you a dick pic, pressing the little blue arrow after only briefly glancing at the above messages.

“Oh shit. I think she told me that.”

Jaehyun laughs jeeringly, the resentful sound of which brings Leehan out of his own spiraling thoughts. “You’re an asshole, man,” he asserts, saying it in a way that’s so casual it’s as if it’s just a known fact. 

Not an insult or a compliment, but simply a thing that’s true. 

And somehow, the neutrality of it hurts worse. 

“No offense, but I totally hope she forgets she ever met you.”

Hit by the irony of such cruel words being preceded by no offense, Leehan becomes sarcastic to avoid having to express the true hurt of being told that. “None taken. That seriously wasn’t offensive at all, Jaehyun.”

Maybe Jaehyun is right. After working so hard to emphasize the line between being fuckbuddies and being in a relationship, yet still finding himself acting the exact way he feared you would, isn’t asshole the only way to truly express how shitty he’s being about this? 

It’s at that moment that Leehan considers that perhaps this relationship between the two of you has spiraled out of control. 

Because something that should be inherently easy and casual has now caused him far too much regret and remorse for his liking.

Sitting in an empty classroom with Taesan, you share a cup of bubble tea, the drinking of which causes you to bump hands several times as you reach out to grab it at the same time. 

Interacting with Taesan always brings up sweet and innocent feelings that are like that of childhood crushes, or chasing fireflies on your lawn after dark. 

Fall break has long been over and yet you continue to meet with him even outside of your mandatory weekly check-ins, forgetting the anxiety that once plagued you over this arrangement. 

The time you spend with Taesan is so fulfilling that you’ve managed to completely forget that Leehan hasn’t contacted you in almost a week. 

Well, maybe not completely. 

You still wonder from time to time what he’s thinking, if maybe he read the text message you sent prior to his dick pic and internalized the part where you emphasized how you wouldn’t have time for him anymore.

There is of course a tiny part of you that feels empty and abandoned at the idea of him ghosting you and never talking to you again.

But it’s in a stroke of optimism, feigned or otherwise, that you decide to pour your attention into someone who feels like a much better match for you, that someone being Taesan.

“I’m just about to finish with this assignment. After I’m done, do you wanna go to the caf?” you mumble out in inquiry to Taesan as you check over your quiz answers for the last time before submitting. 

You hear him make a noncommittal noise in response, which you first interpret as disinterest, but only seconds later recognize to be absent-mindedness as you feel his eyes warming the side of your face. 

You let out a chuckle, just about to say something teasing to him for being caught staring at you when a few warm fingers glide across your ear. Taken aback, you meet Taesan’s gaze as he tucks away a piece of your stray hair. 

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, holding your face in his hand. “You have this…faraway look in your eyes.”

Your eyes dart between his face and his hand that’s slow to come off of your ear, surprised by the sudden bit of physical contact.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you answer calmly if maybe a bit shakily, trying to appear normal though your head screams with a million passing thoughts at once. Taesan nods in acceptance of this answer before turning back to his laptop as if nothing happened. 

If you were at all a gambling person, you’d bet good money that the telltale, suave move of tucking your hair behind your ear was a way for him to see how you’d react to something less platanotic from him. 

And if you were to allow this moment to pass by without saying anything, you know that he would follow your lead and pretend like this never happened. He’d use your silence as evidence that his advances are unwelcome. 

Perhaps you’re feeling a little bold, but you don’t want him to go any longer thinking that his interest isn’t reciprocated.

“Wait,” you remark, reaching out to grab Taesan’s wrist. “Taesan, can I kiss you?”

The usually mysterious, confident boy loses his ability to speak when you ask him that, eyes going wide and only nodding to communicate his consent. Finding his sudden shyness charming, you smile as you lean in to press your lips against his. 

Taesan’s mouth is just as inviting as you thought it would be all the times you spent staring at it when you were sure he wasn’t looking. He may have acted shy just now, but the way that Taesan kisses you is like fire. He presses his mouth hard against yours, and when his body does the same you soon find yourself pressed into the rolling chair you’re sitting in.

Your hand moves up to tangle in his hair, pulling him in to deepen the kiss. You were sure that Taesan, ever the responsible one, would be the person between the two of you to pull away before things got too heated. 

But now, all he does is lean in to your provocations, sticking his tongue into your mouth while you whimper against his. 

And as you try to allow your brain to white out so that you can truly relax into the gratification he is sure to give you, all you can think about is how his lips are not Leehan’s lips.

His hands are not Leehan’s hands. 

His kiss doesn’t evoke even a fraction of the electricity that Leehan does just by looking at you. 

You accept then that self-preservation must be a confounding myth to your psyche, because against all odds, you are still very much into Leehan. 

And while you could easily fuck Taesan anyway and let the enjoyment of his sex prove as a temporary salve to the gaping wound that is your feelings for Leehan, you feel too much like he doesn’t deserve to fuck someone with such selfish intentions. 

So, it’s with both regret and sobering understanding that you pull Taesan away from you, lines of spit breaking into drool as you separate.

The two of you become temporarily frozen in a moment of both confusion and shock. Taesan, looking at you with widened eyes and reddened lips, asks in a small yet urgent voice, “What? Is something wrong?”

You already feel like a piece of shit as you loosen your grip on Taesan’s hair, letting your hands fall to your lap and noticing that his still rest on your waist. “Taesan…” you begin, and already at just the sound of his name, you can see his expression wilting, like he knows by the unsure tone of your voice exactly what you’re going to say. And how couldn’t he, when you suck so badly at giving bad news?

“I think you’re an amazing person. And believe me when I say I really, really wanted this between us,” you emphasize, wishing you could get swallowed up by a hole as he continues to stare at you in dumbfounded awe. 

You know that these aren't words anyone wants to hear but you feel compelled to say them, feeling like Taesan deserves honesty from you.

“To be completely candid with you, the reason why I’m on academic probation is because of a guy. A recent guy who treated me like shit, but because I’m an idiot, I still want him.”

You wait on edge for the moment when Taesan’s disposition will return to that of the understanding, kind person you’ve come to know, the moment when you’ll both laugh at the awkwardness of this situation and allow yourselves to forget it ever happened.

Instead, though, all you see in Taesan’s eyes is a fiery passion that makes your head hurt as you realize he won’t let this rejection go down easily. 

“You know that doesn’t matter to me right? We don’t have to…be all romantic, and shit. I’m fine with something casual. Happier with that, even.”

It’s with a pang of insecurity that you fight back a self-pitying laugh at those words, wondering what it is about you that makes men only want casual, no-strings-attached relationships with you. 

“I’m sorry for making things awkward. And if you don’t want to tutor me anymore after this, I’d completely understand,” you concede in the nicest possible tone you can muster, still incredibly conscious of Taesan’s hands that have still not left your waist. “But I can’t do this, Taesan. You’re amazing but I just…I can’t, okay?”

When Taesan continues to stare at you as if he isn’t comprehending a word that’s coming out of your mouth, you reach down to move his hands off of your waist yourself, and when you do,  you’re shocked when you feel his fingers seizing around your wrists to hold them in place. 

“You’re being ridiculous, Y/N. So what if you’re not over your ex? That shouldn’t stop you from getting your rocks off,” he says, voice rising considerably as he squeezes your wrists so harshly it begins to hurt. 

It’s at this moment that you realize you’ll never be able to look at Taesan the same again. 

No longer the sweet, kind and helpful boy you first met, he looks pathetic and at worst, scary as he continues to refuse your rejection.

“Taesan, I’m really gonna need you to let go of me,” you request, saying it without any niceties as you manage to convince yourself that maybe he’s just taking this extra hard for whatever reason and just needs to hear you being serious so that he can come to his senses. “Listen, how about we end early for today and talk about this another time–”

“I’m not letting you leave until you can look me in my eyes and give me one good reason why we shouldn’t do this,” he asserts, still holding your wrists, laughing a little in a way that makes it hard for you to tell if he knows that he’s making you uncomfortable or thinks that this is all just some game of hard-to-get. “You can act coy all you want but I know you want me, I could tell as soon as I met you.”

“I’m gonna tell you to let go of me one more time, Taesan, and then I start screaming,” you threaten, no longer feeling amused or pitiful but instead angry, adrenaline running through your veins as you consider the possibility of having to physically attack him. 

You’re not sure how things escalated so quickly but now you’re quickly regretting ever befriending Han Taesan in the first place, ever thinking that he could be a permanent fixture in your life.

Catching you by surprise, Taesan stands up suddenly from his chair and drags you up with him. It’s in a flurry of movements that he somehow manages to pin you against a wall, smirking down at you from above. 

You let out a squeal but he covers your mouth, strong enough to use only one of his hands to keep your arms pinned above your head. He laughs as you struggle against him, perhaps not realizing – or worse, realizing it and getting off on how deeply he’s managed to scare you.

“What?” he asks through upturned lips, pressing his body into yours. “Don’t girls like it when guys don’t take no for an answer?”

It’s in the strangest and most serendipitous stroke of luck that you hear the sound of the classroom door swinging open.

And when you turn your head to meet the gaze of your savior, it’s Leehan who you see standing there, taking in the scene in front of him. 

It feels stupid and random that of course it’s Leehan who just happened to be the person to walk in here, but you don’t dwell too much on the details, focused on the relief that floods through you knowing there’s someone here to intervene on your behalf. 

Leehan hesitates momentarily as he wonders if he’s just had the misfortune to accidentally walk in on the kinky foreplay between you and this new guy you’ve been seeing. Attending a lecture in this same building, he happened to walk by the classroom and hear a distressed voice that sounded vaguely familiar. 

Through the fogged glass material of the door, he could just barely make out your silhouette, instinctually barging in to see what was going on. 

If Leehan didn’t know you so well, he might’ve immediately bolted at the sight of you engaging in intimacy with someone else. It would be too much and he knows it would force him to confront his conflicting feelings towards you.

But the moment he meets your gaze and sees the steely, ice cold fear that’s in your eyes, his next moves are made clear. Without questioning anything, he steps forward and punches an already staggering Taesan in the face.

The punch causes Taesan to fall backward, blood that you aren’t sure is coming from his lip or his nose splattering onto the floor. You and Leehan remain frozen, you in shock at both Taesan’s actions and Leehan’s sudden presence, and Leehan with the adrenaline of becoming unexpectedly violent. 

It’s in that moment of stillness on both of your parts that Taesan has time to recover, and before you can react, he’s leaping forward to tackle Leehan onto a nearby desk.

You let out a squeal of shock as the two men struggle, causing desks and their chairs to fly around the room haphazardly in the process.

And to your horror, Taesan quickly gets the upper hand over Leehan, sitting on top of the shorter boy in a straddling position before letting his hands fly in a series of devastating punches. 

You go to pull him off but he pushes you away, forcing you then to search frantically for your phone in the hopes of calling campus security before Leehan is pulverized any further.

“Hey, is something going o—” you hear an unfamiliar voice ask, and you look up to find that you’ve been discovered by a complete stranger, a boy who you assume is another student by his shaggy attire and backpack. He answers his own question by glancing into the room and catching sight of Taesan and Leehan who are both now bleeding as they remain wrestling on the floor.

You’re just about to enlist the stranger to help you in dragging Taesan off of Leehan when, suddenly, you don’t have to. 

Realizing that the stranger’s presence could mean that even more people could arrive to inspect what’s causing all of this noise any second, you watch as the fear of getting in trouble overtakes Taesan’s expression until he’s getting up. 

He gets up and sprints out of the classroom wildly, shoulder checking the stranger in the process as he flees out of the building.

“Should I run after him?” asks the student at the door who you’re sure is still processing what he’s just seen. But more than anything else, you’re worried about Leehan, who you just saw taking several punches to the face and is laying down on the ground making strangled, agonized noises.

“No. It’s better that you scared him away. I just need to get him to the infirmary,” you reply, trying to sound more calm and controlled than you feel but hearing how your adrenaline from the past few minute’s events causes your voice to come out shaky and broken. The stranger asks if you need any help but you wave him away, deciding it would be too much of a burden to have to explain what just happened to anyone else. 

So it’s by yourself that you go to hover over Leehan’s body and try to push back the horror of seeing his face bloodied and bruised so that you can help him onto his feet.

And because most of the damage seems to be centralized on his face — maybe his back and head, too, after being tackled onto the ground — he mostly manages to stand up on his own. Though, once on his feet, he has to lean on you to avoid staggering.

“Don’t…let him…go, Y/N,” he mumbles, making you feel even more concerned and on edge as his garbled tone makes it sound like he’s one step away from passing out. “He was…hurting you, wasn’t he?”

“It’s fine, Leehan. Let’s just get you to the infirmary,” you reply dismissively, needing him to be pliant more than anything in this moment so that you can get him to your thankfully close by campus infirmary without issue. 

Your transgression with Taesan with startling and for a brief moment, terrifying. But with him now gone, the majority of your distress lies with Leehan and making sure he’s okay.

And to your relief, as you take a few steps forward with Leehan’s arm leaned over your shoulder, he remains upright and mostly autonomous in his movements.

He continues to say nothing on your way out of the building outside from the occasional groan, and you’re sure that as the adrenaline wears off that the pain in his face must become more present. You luckily make it to the infirmary moments later, where the doctor on call takes one look at Leehan’s face and immediately rushes him into a care room. 

Everything that happens after that is a bit of a blur for you. A campus security officer comes to take a statement from you. You tell him everything, giving him Taesan’s full name and picture in the hopes that it can lead to some type of action, although a part of you feels discouraged and numb at that notion.

You wait anxiously in the lobby of the infirmary, waiting for an update from the doctor and feeling like you’re gonna throw up when the older woman comes out from the hallway with a neutral, unreadable expression on her face.

“Hi ma'am. Your friend is doing just fine. All of the cuts on his face are superficial, so they’ll heal on their own. He’ll have some bruises and swelling, which will also go away with time. He does have a bit of a concussion, so we’ll send you both home with some Tylenol. If you’d like to come and see him, you can follow me.”

Though you figured that most of his injuries were minor, you still feel relieved to hear that nothing is significantly wrong; it’s irrational, but you know you would have been eaten alive with guilt had anything serious happened. 

Getting up to follow the doctor, you walk into the care room to find Leehan sitting on the edge of an examination chair, a nurse still applying little white bandaids to a cut on his cheek. When he sees you come in he smiles, though only fleetingly as the gesture causes him to wince in pain.

You don’t know what to say to him, so you opt to sit down on a chair that’s directly next to his dangling legs. You watch as the nurse goes to prod at a separate wound on his lip with a q-tip dipped in brown liquid. You don’t realize how tense you are until you feel the warmth of a hand over yours, and when you look up, Leehan is staring at you in amusement. 

“You’re shaking,” he observes, and though he can’t smirk without it causing him pain, he still gazes at you in a way that is teasing and smug. And the fact that he’s concerned about you when he’s the one who’s getting medical attention makes you let out a cynical, humorless laugh.

“Don’t worry about me. Look what he did to you.”

“I’m still good-looking, though, aren’t I?” he replies playfully, and because you’re so upset, you feel yourself almost inclined to scold him for making such jokes in light of the circumstances. But Leehan, never one to read the room or adhere to the tones and moods of others, is laughing as he commands, “You have to tell me or I’ll have an internal crisis.”

You stare at him with your eyebrows furrowed, wanting to be annoyed by him but not being able to help your smile as he continues to await your confirmation of his enduring looks with a pout. 

Rolling your eyes, it’s with a bit of resistance in your voice that you reply, “Yes, you’re still handsome, Leehan.”

He pumps his fist up in the air triumphantly, and with that, the nurse leaves the room, telling you that she’ll return with the official paperwork needed so that he can be discharged.

Once she’s gone, it’s quiet between the two of you until Leehan breaks the silence with a question. “That guy…his name’s Taesan, right?”

You’re taken aback, both at the sudden change in his tone and disposition –  his voice now serious and inquiring – and the fact that he even knows who Taesan is. “How do you know?”

“I saw you with him outside of your dorm. Asked Jaehyun who he is,” he responds plainly. And as you take in this information, you’re not sure what to say in reply. Even just knowing that he was outside of your dorm that day when Taesan came to your room and didn’t say anything makes you think he must’ve had some kind of reaction to seeing the two of you together. 

And as you put the timing together, it makes sense why you hadn’t heard from him for a week until now.

But then again, it doesn’t make sense. Because the Leehan you know, the Leehan you’ve come to resent, surely wouldn’t — shouldn't — care to see you with another guy when he’s been so adamant about keeping things non-exclusive between the two of you.

“Are you together?” he asks when you remain silent, and in what feels like a complete switch in power dynamics, you find that Leehan is the one now clearly expressing some kind of worry or at the very least interest in what you get up to when you’re not with him. 

And because you feel both vindicated to be on the other side of this sort of questioning, and not at all entitled to tell him the truth, you answer by asking, “If I said yes, what would you say?”

Leehan looks at you, all amusement absent from his expression even as he says somewhat sarcastically, “That I thought being with me meant you had better taste in men.”

His response causes you to scoff, the idea of him thinking that he’s somehow at a higher caliber than all the other similarly emotionally-unavailable men on your campus something you find absurd. 

And yes, maybe it’s because you’re already feeling a little bitter towards him that you’re then replying scathingly, “If anything, wouldn’t my interest in you mean the opposite?”

“Funny,” he says sardonically in reply. The atmosphere between the two of you currently is tense. He resents you for being with someone else and you resent him for setting boundaries for your relationship that he never intended to follow.

And yet, despite the unresolved negative emotions that are clearly swimming between the two of you, it feels absurd and crazy to say that as you continue to make unbroken and silent eye contact, you feel like he’s about to kiss you. 

That’s the sort of crazy chemistry you seem to have with one another, where even as you both have the rationality to recognize the toxicity of this dynamic you both still find yourselves magnetically pulled to one another in a way that, in most people’s eyes, would be viewed as mindless. 

But it’s just as you swear he’s leaning in that the doctor comes into the room, handing Leehan a clipboard and telling him he can go once he’s finished filling out a few forms. You wait for him, not sure what will happen once you leave but feeling almost responsible to at least see him to his apartment.

And so, you exit the hospital together, and it’s as you’re walking out that you voice to him truthfully, “It feels weird just dropping you off like you didn’t just get your face rearranged trying to save me.”

He lets out a chuckle in response, swinging his body so that he’s standing in front of you before shrugging and saying, “Then don’t drop me off. We could go to your dorm, watch a movie.”

The request to do something as simple as watch a movie sounds so foreign coming out of his mouth that you can’t help but laugh out loud. “When do we ever watch a movie?” you ask, repeating the words in disbelief. 

You’re mostly joking when you ask that, but it’s with a tiny pang of sadness that you acknowledge the tragedy of him wanting your company for something other than sex being something that’s so unbelievable.

“Today. Rocky V is probably ill-timed, but I love a good nature documentary,” he replies with a grin, and as always, you are unable to get a read on his expression to know if he is being serious or not. 

But today has been a crazy day and you know that being in your room by yourself after everything that’s happened is only going to make you feel worse. So, deciding that there’s no harm in keeping him company for just a little while longer, you allow him to lead the way to the building that he’s been to so many times. 

You know from learning your roommate’s schedule that she’ll be in a lab for the next 3 hours, a fact that makes you feel relieved as you enter your dorm with Leehan trailing behind you. He comes in and immediately collapses onto the couch, spreading his arms out on either side of the cushions in a way that brings renewed attention to his broad shoulders.

“So. Do you actually want to watch a movie?” you ask casually as you stand a few feet away from him, trying your hardest to keep any bitterness out of your tone as you watch him shrug his shoulders nonchalantly.

“You know, now that I’m here…” he says, already smirking as he watches you fight the urge to roll your eyes. “It feels like a much better idea for you to come sit on my lap.”

Even though you find yourself enticed by the invitation, in a small, distant part of your brain, it feels like you’ve been manipulated into letting him come to your room. That watching a movie had always been a lie to get you to have sex with him.

But something has changed inside of you, and from what, you can’t pinpoint. All you know is that the accumulations of lies and divertive tactics that you’ve endured from Leehan thus far has left you almost numb to his provocations. 

Instead of feeling sad or shitty or upset, you just feel nothing. 

And somehow, that change feels more concerning to you than the emotions from before did.

Still, you find yourself stalking silently to Leehan on the couch, his eyes never leaving yours as you make your way towards him. His legs spread naturally as you get between them, and it’s with a jaguar-like slowness that you crawl over his body until you’re straddling him. 

Intensity rolls off of the both of your bodies like water, the silence and shared eye contact only contributing to the growing sexual desire that builds between the two of you.

In contrast to such lust, it’s in a gesture of affection that you lean in to lay a gentle, barely-there kiss against all of the wounds on his face. The cut on his cheek. His busted bottom lip. The knot forming on the top of his head. The bruise on the side of his jaw. You do it almost in apology but also because you want him to tease him, giving him only fleeting touches and kisses before you do anything substantial. He flinches at first at the contact but eventually relaxes into the softness of your lips against him. 

And though you couldn’t articulate the reason why, you get the feeling that he flinches less out of pain, but more in surprise at the unfamiliar gesture of tenderness and how it impacts him. 

You’ve only just reached his neck, sucking hickies into the pale skin there, when you can feel his cock hardening underneath you.

It’s after you’ve kissed every single piece of skin uncovered by his shirt that you decide to relieve a bit of his suffering by reaching a hand down into the waistband of his pants. All you do is close your fist around his shaft and stroke him languidly, but you suppose your teasing worked better than you thought as he whimpers at the simplest of movements. He bucks into your hand, not afraid of seeming desperate and shamelessly moaning at your touch. 

Watching him writhe and shudder beneath you, sensitive in a way you’ve never seen before, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that this is one of the few times that you’ve felt even a semblance of control in your interactions during sex. It’s always been you on the receiving end of his endless repertoire of tactics, designed always to render you incomprehensible and under the thumb of his persuasion.

Spurred on by the observation, you take advantage of his submission to ask a question that’s been on your mind since you left the hospital. 

“Can I ask you something? Why did you ask Jaehyun who I was with?”

You can just barely make out the expression of surprise that appears faintly behind Leehan’s glassy eyes, and in a tactic that even you admit is slightly contemptible, you never stop the movements of your hand as you await his answer. 

Desperate for even a moment’s worth of vulnerability from him, you hope that by literally dangling his climax in your hands that he’ll be more inclined to be truthful with you.

But for Leehan, giving you the honest answer — that he’s simply a jealous person who can’t stand seeing you with someone else even though it’s hypocritical — would only serve in making you think that his jealousy is a sign of caring, his caring a sign of affection, his affection a sign that he wants to be your boyfriend. 

And though that assessment isn’t as easy to refute as it may have once been when he first met you, it seems idiotic to put any ideas in your head that could lead to him having to admit feelings he isn’t quite sure of yet. 

So, in lieu of the truth, he replies with something that, honestly, should be a bigger concern for him than it presently is: “Because you should tell me if you’re being intimate with someone else. What if you’re not using protection and I catch something?” 

Up until now, you had prepared yourself to react calmly to whatever Leehan’s answer would be, a task you knew would be difficult because the idea of him being jealous at all is in itself insane and backwards.

It was he who insisted that this dynamic be free of any constraints or limitations. 

But the fact that he’s implying you would have sex with someone else and be so reckless as to not make any precautions for your health has your composure breaking, a scoff leaving you as you blurt out, “Have you been honest with me about the people you’re seeing?”

It’s a question you already know the answer to as you still haven’t forgotten the night of the Halloween party, how Jaehyun let it slip that Leehan had been on a date. You’d never confronted him about it because, deep down, you felt that you had no right to. 

But now, he’s placing judgment on you in a way that makes you want to throw all caution to the wind and express your true emotions to him for what seems like the first time.

Hearing the knowing tone in your question has Leehan worried, tilting his head to stare at you as if he’s just now seeing you for the first time. “Are you trying to catch me in a lie, Y/N?” he asks, amusement in his tone though you can tell your questioning rattles him. “I’ve never told you anything that wasn’t true.”

But that’s just because you’ve never told me anything of substance, you think to yourself, reflecting back on all of the times he left your room in a hurry so that he could avoid having to show you anything real.

You continue jerking him off intently, and even though he’s obviously enjoying it, you can tell that you’ve thrown him off. During sex you’ve always maintained this sort of scathing, playful banter, but this time, he knows that your question is motivated by a genuine desire to hear the truth from him. It makes him beyond uncomfortable, especially with his dick still hard and aching in your moving hand. In a sudden change of dynamics, it’s him trying to read what you’re thinking.

Seeing this crack in Leehan’s usually guarded persona spurs you on into saying even more things that you’ve been suppressing. “I know that you’re seeing someone else,” you assert, honesty you never thought you’d be capable of expressing coming out boldly and without ambivalence. “Jaehyun told me, the night of the Halloween party.”

Your eyes are glued to Leehan’s face as you scan for the smallest fluctuation in his expression, searching desperately for any indication of what he’s thinking. And in yet another gesture that might as well be a verbal admission of guilt, Leehan stares up at the ceiling to avoid your gaze. 

Leehan – confident, cool, teasing Leehan – who has always made you feel like you were scared of intimacy for not wanting to make eye contact with him during sex, is now the one shying away the intensity of your gaze. 

The feeling of triumph that comes with finally feeling like you have him at your mercy after months of the opposite has you speeding up the movements of your hand, watching as he almost winces from the overstimulation you provide. 

But more than anything else, you want answers. 

You want to know why he thinks it’s okay to police who else you invite into your bedroom when he clearly does whatever he wants without any regard for you. 

You want him to decisively and plainly decide if he’s either a sadistic asshole who believes that he should be able to treat you like shit while he goes out and fucks whoever he wants—Or if, like you, the passion of this relationship has overwhelmed him so much that he now finds himself feeling things for you that are beyond sexual, things that have caused him to abhor the notion of you being with someone other than him.

It feels like you need the answer to that question more than you need air.

And so, it’s in desperation that your voice comes out shaky as you demand, “Say something.” 

“I can’t,” he manages through gritted teeth, the sound of his voice coming out raspy and submissive making your cunt pulse with arousal. “You’re about to make me come.”

Feeling like he’s being backed into a corner, Leehan wants to tell you to stop, but the euphoria he’s experiencing is too great. He’s never seen you be so assertive, so purposeful in doing things that you know will make him go crazy. 

Rubbing your thumb over his tip. Spitting downward so that the wetness of your spit can reach his cock. Stroking him wildly and meeting his thrusts into your fist. 

Pressure builds in his abdomen until he feels himself about to explode with what might be the most intense climax of his life. 

But in a move that shocks the both of you, it’s just as Leehan is about to finish all over your hand that you abruptly pull off of him. 

Stop the movements of your hand and watch brazenly as the realization of what you just did is processed on his face.

Maybe he thought that you were joking and that this was all just some aggressive manner of foreplay. 

But now, he can see in your shocked expression, how you look so surprised at even your own insistence, that to deny him of his pleasure in this way was something that took a lot out of you. 

It’s been a hallmark of your relationship so far for you to devote yourself to his satisfaction. You’ve always cared so much about being wanted by him, even after he’s shown his disregard for you time and time again.

And so to see you work up the courage to defy him in this way makes it clear to him that you’re not gonna drop this.

This isn’t something that he can smile or flirt his way out of in the hopes of having you wrapped around his finger for just one more day.

You’re gonna force this into being an issue. And fine; if you want to have this conversation, he’ll have it.

Even if it means that by the end of this you'll realize how shitty of a person he is and want nothing to do with him afterward.

If you were still the same pliant, conflict-avoiding Y/N, you’d be alarmed at the change in his expression and how his usual amused smirk melts into a straight-lined frown. You’d transform into the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed girl who’d laugh and pretend that this was all just a way to rile him up into fucking you, hoping that you could forget this moment ever happened.

But it feels like something has been lost in your dynamic that can never be brought back. You’re no longer okay with being lied to, manipulated. And Leehan, realizing how serious you are, seeks to take back control of this situation by flipping your bodies over so that you’re on your back and he’s on top of you. 

He pins your arms above your head, holding them down so you can’t move. 

“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answers to.”

He says the statement with a warning sort of tone but it only makes you laugh, no longer able to take his provocations and vague answers seriously. “Then don’t try to act hypocritical and treat me like I’m a fucking irresponsible idiot,” you retort, no hint of banter in your words as you hope he understands how serious you’re being, how done you are with his lies. “Having sex with guys without protection and not telling them about it. How do I know you haven’t been doing the exact thing you’re accusing me of?”

You ask a valid question that Leehan sees no way to get out of answering. Clearly, you already know (because of his disloyal, talkative fucking roommate) that he’s been seeing at least one girl that isn’t you. And because he can tell with certainty that your pliance is dependent on at least some kind of honesty from him, he tells you a technical truth when he says, “Since I met you, I’ve only been fucking you. No one else. I swear.”

It’s an answer that protects him from having to further delve into whether he’s seeing anyone else romantically, an important distinction that he isn’t interested in clarifying for the sake of your continued interest in him.

And as he watches you scan his face, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you seek to find any indication of either sincerity or hypocrisy in his expression, he seizes the opportunity provided by your momentary lapse in questioning to reach past the waistband of your leggings, sticking two fingers into your pulsing cunt. 

He watches with satisfaction as even in your bitterness, you still can’t help the way your back arches and your mouth parts naturally at the action. Mirroring your tactics from before, he gives you great satisfaction in exchange for your hopeful compliance. Thrusting his long fingers inside of you, he mumbles in sensual truth, “Your pretty, wet pussy is the only thing that’s been occupying my brain for the last three months.”

The part of your brain that would question the credibility of his words is turned off like a lightswitch as the thrill from his fingers takes over. As much as you try to fight off what you’re experiencing so that you can regain the upper hand, it feels like it’s almost in revenge that he fingers you with such vigor that you can’t speak. 

“Can you say the same? Huh, pretty?” he demands, digits angled just right so that the tips of his fingers repeatedly push against your most sensitive parts. “Tell me I’m the only person whose been fucking orgasms into your cunt.”

You could usually appreciate such possessive sentiments from Leehan when they were spoken in moments where there wasn’t any lingering resentment between the two of you. Now, they only annoy you, causing you to petulantly reply in mocking of his earlier words, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.”

And in a move that is surely in imitation of your earlier actions, he pulls his fingers out of you completely and with them, your orgasm. His expression is a handsome mixture of annoyance and frustration. 

It feels like the two of you are in some sort of scornful, unspoken competition, you trying to get him to be honest and him trying to get you to drop this entirely. And all of this undercut by the fact that both really wanna fuck each other, only adding to the frustration of your pleasure being taken away. 

Though your body reels regretfully from the sudden drop in adrenaline, it’s with an unmoved expression on your face that you sit up, making yourself level with him. 

“What?” you retort derisively, amused to find him upset at tactics you only know because he modeled them for you so many times before. “Does it make you mad?”

“No,” he answers, a fierce expression on his face that lets you know despite the desire radiating between the two of you that he’s being serious when he says, “It makes me question the type of person you are.”

And as you poke his chest assertively, you reply, “A person abiding by the standards that you set,” reminding him once more how he lacks the right to feel entitled to your body. 

You again question why he continues to insist that a no-strings attached arrangement is what he wants when it’s clear he doesn’t want you with anyone else.

And so, it’s in your confusion that you ask, “I’m giving you exactly what you want. So why does it feel like you’re punishing me?”

“This isn’t what I want,” he says in reply. And the way that he says it almost quietly, like a stream-of-consciousness that was accidentally blurted out loud, has you inclined to believe that maybe, he’s finally coming around to seeing just how poorly suited this arrangement is for the both of you.

So, it’s with a curious tilt to your voice that you ask, “Then what do you want?”

Looking at you with a sort of urgent, unyielding expression on his face, it’s after a moment of intense and searing silence between the two of you that he leans in to kiss you roughly. What was once a moment of willful competition between the two of you now becomes intense and panicked as the passion of the last few moments takes over your bodies. 

Your hands move in a frenzy as you rush to take off one another’s clothes, and you get the feeling that had the fabric provided any real obstacle, you both would’ve been willing to rip each other’s pants and tops off. Actualizing your desire for one another becomes the most important and serious task to have ever been endeavored upon.

You’ve only just removed your final article of clothing when Leehan crawls between your legs, finding you soaked and pulsing in anticipation of his touch. Noticing this, he can feel himself going crazy with all of the unanswered questions he has about you and Taesan. He finds himself vocalizing these thoughts shamelessly as he mumbles, “Fuck, Y/N. I need you to be honest with me. Because if someone else has had this pussy, I’m gonna go crazy.”

“Make me come, and I’ll give you a straight answer,” you defiantly reply.

Tired of your games, it’s in expression of his growing impatience that Leehan slaps your pussy uncaringly. The act sends a jolt of shock through your body but especially your clit, making you moan in a mixture of both pain and pleasure. 

“I’m serious, Y/N,” he says, and rather than being amused by his insistence like you were before, it's for the first time that you find yourself intimidated, as well as turned on. “Tell me the truth.”

Leehan has always been the leader in your sexual dynamic, but you’d never describe him as rough or dominant until now. Rattled by the change, you aren’t able to manage a reply to his demand, but it’s then that Leehan raises himself up so that your faces are level. 

Making sure to keep his eyes on yours this time, he pushes three fingers inside of your aching cunt — more than you’ve ever taken from him and enough to have your eyes rolling back upon impact.

“Tell me that this pussy is mine,” he demands as he fucks you open with his fingers. You’ve never seen him this fired-up, this crazed, and it has you more turned on and pliant than you think you’ve ever been before. 

His fingers thrust in and out of you with strength you’ve never felt before, and in an amount of time that you find to be pathetic, you can feel your stomach tensing with an approaching climax, moans leaving your mouth with every breath and every curl of his fingers. 

But for the second time tonight, Leehan notices you’re about to come and rips it away from you by withdrawing his fingers entirely. And unlike before, you can’t pretend not to be dismayed as you whimper wistfully at the loss of contact. Leehan, unamused, only stares at you from above and says with finality in his tone, “Tell me the truth, and I’ll make you come.”

You can see now how serious he’s being, how important this is to him, and though you find it entirely irrational, the pulsing of arousal in your body is too strong to ignore. 

“I never fucked him. He never touched me until today.”

“And anyone else besides him?”

“There’s no one else, Leehan,” you assure him, body wracked with the weight of several heavy breaths as you practically beg for him to believe you, to touch you, to relieve the almost painful aching of your cunt. “Just you.”

You’re pleasantly surprised when he doesn't require any additional scrutiny before accepting your answer at face value, muttering an approving “Good girl,” before diving between your legs.

And you guess by the almost hungry, desperate way he then proceeds to eat you out that his easy acceptance of your word is just as much in service to his own desire to taste you as it is to you and your enjoyment. 

Because you find not just in this instance but always that Leehan gives head like his survival is dependent on your arousal. He licks and sucks and mouths at your clit, moaning languidly into your core like it's the best thing he’s ever tasted. 

And as if that’s not enough to have you reeling, he brings his hand out from underneath your thigh and puts two long, crooked fingers back into your dripping hole, thrusting and curling them inside of you like he’s intent on finding the spot that will make you scream. You throw your head back and close your eyes at the feeling that washes over your body, something like electricity pulsing through you and making your legs shake. 

Without intending it, your hips buck against his tongue in chase of your impending orgasm. And when he flattens the wet muscle, allowing you the agency to take your pleasure rather than him having to give it to you, it’s only seconds later when you feel your abdomen contracting with the intensity of your long awaited orgasm. 

You’ve barely recovered from the high of your climax when you hear Leehan saying tauntingly from above you, “See? No one else can do that as good as I can.” He then spreads your legs apart, admiring the mess he’s made of you, slick turning your inner thighs shiny and wet. ”Don’t you know now why you shouldn’t fuck anyone else?

Refusing him the satisfaction of an answer, your only response is to sit up and tell him, “Lay down. I wanna ride you.

Leehan’s only show of resistance to this request is a raise of his eyebrow, but he’s otherwise pliant as you maneuver on the couch so that he’s flat on his back. You hover just below his hard-as-a-rock erection, realizing you should go and get a condom, but it feels like an ultimate test of both your honesty that you assertively inform him, “I’m on birth control.”

Understanding what you mean to imply with this admission, you watch as Leehan’s eyes gloss over, another wave of lust taking over at the notion of having raw sex. In a distant part of your brain that isn’t completely corrupted by wanting, you wonder if this is a good idea given that you have no way of proving whether he’s been honest about his sexual history with other girls.

But as you unconsciously scoot closer and allow his cock to brush against your folds, his encouragement of “Then sit on it,” ringing pleasantly in your ears, the only thing that delays you is your desire to further tauny him. 

“Look at me,” you command passionately, holding on just barely to your own composure as you fight to get these words out amidst your own lust-corrupted brain. “If you stop, I stop. I want you to look in my eyes when I make you come.”

Leehan, either ignorant to how serious you’re being or uncaring, whimpers out your name in lieu of any indication that he understands and accepts what you’re saying. You sink down on him anyway and allow the feeling of being filled to the brim by his long, veiny cock to wipe out any and all thoughts out of your mind. 

“Oh my god, fuck,” he mumbles out in expression of how good it feels, after you’ve only just began bouncing your body up and down his cock. You bear witness to the moment when the embrace of your tight walls becomes too much for him and he throws his head back, disregarding your words from earlier. 

And although it hurts you to do so, makes your thighs burn and your lips part to let out a regretful whimper, you pull yourself upwards until his cock slips out of you completely.

“Open your eyes,” you demand assertively, not just for his sake but for your own, so that you can go back to riding the life out of him until you both can come. “Show me why you deserve this. Remind me why I keep letting you fuck me.”

The scathing remark and the brazen expression you wear as you say it causes Leehan to regain his focus, returning his gaze to yours and making sure to maintain it even as your reinsertion of his cock has him fighting not to shut his eyes closed. It’s with a feeling of regretful foreboding that Leehan realizes this is probably going to end way too soon, that the sickening combination of you riding him, your dominant and sultry words, the view of your body from above him, and the intense unbroken eye contact all work in service to his quickly approaching climax. 

And even as you too feel yourself inching closer and closer to the point of incomprehensible return, you keep talking, feelings that you’ve been suppressing for too long coming out in sultry, brokenly-spoken expressions. “I want you to savor this moment. Memorize how it feels to be inside of me,” you tell him, and then, leaning down to bite the tip of his ear, you whimper, “Fuck Leehan. You’re so big.”

Your purposeful usage of all the things you know for a fact rile him up the most is not lost on him, and it’s almost like you want him to come as quickly and embarrassingly as possible. He lingers on that thought for less than a few seconds, but even just the fleeting idea of spilling his seed inside of you has his brain entering a whole nother level of depraved and uncontrolled, until he’s muttering out the word “Fuck,” in repeated succession and thrusting up into you wildly. “Gonna come,” he announces only seconds later.

“I know you are, baby. And when you do, remember that I can only make you feel this good,” you reply, surprised at your own ability to sound assured and in control in the midst of your own fast-approaching orgasm. But in a way, it feels like you grow more confident the more you watch his verbal and motor skills deteriorate with every bounce and squeeze of your pussy against his cock. 

Making grunting sounds as his thrusts become sloppy and uncontrolled, he replies through gritted teeth, “I know. You’re my favorite girl, Y/N.”

You’ve always hated that term because of the implication it makes that there are other girls with whom he's comparing you to. But as you commit to fighting off all of the weak, vulnerable, sad emotions that have now only rendered you numb, it’s in another show of control that you reply, “Then say it. Tell me how good I’m making you feel.”

At first, you aren’t sure if Leehan can even manage a reply as you watch him grow focused and intent on his approaching orgasm. But it’s through a mixture of muffled grunts and whines, his hips never ceasing their thrusts into you, that he begins to speak.

“Your pussy was made for me. It’s all I ever think about. The sex we have – nghh – it’s the best I’ve ever had,” he tells you emphatically. 

And the brokenness of his words, the way they come out rushed and passionate as if a suppressed part of him needs you to hear them, has you feeling profoundly impacted by the weight of them. 

“You make me crazy, Y/N. I don’t want anyone else. Only you—” 

It’s with one final rough, definitive thrust that Leehan comes inside of you. You’re overcome by the feeling of his hot, warm cum filling your walls, pussy clenching around him as you too experience another orgasm. And as you both recover from your highs, you can feel the atmosphere becoming almost instantaneously stuffy and awkward, the realization of what just happened and all of the things you allowed to come out in the heat of the moment hitting you all at once.

Wanting nothing more than to be released from the clutches of this regretful moment, you pull yourself off of him and wince at the feeling of his cum dripping out of you and onto your inner thighs, some of it spilling onto the couch. 

And without ceremony, Leehan does what he does best – he gathers his clothes and things and begins to put them on as if nothing happened.

The silence that overcomes the two of you as you sit naked and uncovered on the opposite couch, watching him change, is unlike either of you. You’d usually at the very least manage  a few words about how good that was, or small talk about anything fun happening soon on campus. Had Leehan been any good with silence, he might’ve just walked out and not said anything to you at all. 

But it’s because of his own manipulative and egotistical desire to continue to remain in your good graces that he says, in desperation to ease the tension, “Hey. By the way, I’m sorry about the picture I sent you. I don’t usually read your messages, so I didn’t see what you had sent me beforehand.”

You stare at him, a mixture of disbelief and hostility coming over you all at once.

Having completely forgotten about the dick picture incident until now, you feel the emotions from then coming back up in a way that feels shocking given the relative inoffensiveness of his apology just now.

It’s hard for you to pinpoint what exactly about the statement sets you off. 

Maybe it’s that you just had the most intimate, soul-baring sex, and now he’s basically back to reminding you of just how little he values you and your personhood. 

How easy it is for him to completely ignore anything you say to him if it has nothing to do with him and his own pleasure.

And with these emotions more than likely reflected on your face, you watch as Leehan — like a startled deer in headlights — makes what are perhaps the quickest efforts he’s ever done to leave your dorm in a hurry.

“I should get back,” he’s replying coldly as he gets up, throwing his jacket over his body so fast that it folds awkwardly along his sides. “But thanks for this.”

This, he says casually. As if his seed isn’t currently wetting the inside of your legs right now.

“But Leehan, the rain—” you insist. Because you can hear thunder rattling your windows outside and you know that to walk home to his apartment is an entirely irrational notion.

“Don’t worry about me,” he tells you, already halfway to your door as he turns around to look at you, something like regret painted all over his passive expression. “We don’t do that for each other, remember?

And it’s with that last parting, ominous statement that you watch Leehan leave your dorm room without another look in your direction. He’s left your room like this — in a hasty blur without a word or an acknowledgement — more times than you can possibly count. 

So why you find yourself overcome with the feeling that this may be the last time you’ll ever see him again, you’re not entirely sure. 

But it’s because of that gnawing, persistent feeling, eating at you like it never has before, that you get up and find a robe to throw over your body so that you can go and find Leehan before it’s too late.

You’re not even sure of what you’re going to say when you find him standing on the outside porch of your building, head down and phone in his hand as he waits for an Uber. All you know is that it’s pouring buckets outside and even with the bit of roofing over your heads, the wind still blows rain onto your bodies, rendering his hair and face wet. 

“Leehan,” you call out, watching as he turns to you and automatically freezes up as he realizes you followed him out here. “Wait. Don’t go.”

It’s at least a little bit understandable why Leehan appears taken-aback by your words and your presence — any other time you’ve had sex, you’ve never once tried to get him to stay behind, even though he could always notice in your expression or quiet intensity that you wanted him to.

So the fact that you’re here telling him not to go, and because of the nature of the sex you just had, it’s like he already knows that you’re planning to pour your heart out to him, and it’s in fear of that that he finds himself saying wearily, “Y/N—”

“No. Let me talk,” you assert before he can finish, a part of you feeling like if you don’t get these words out now, you never will. And so, fueled by the unexplainable feeling that this may be the last chance for you to tell him how you feel, you channel all the confidence you can possible muster and allow all the suppressed emotions from the last three months to spill out without any filter.

“After we have sex, I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay because you like being with me. I want you to fall asleep with me. I want you to see me and treat me like I’m a human being and not some physical object that you use for sex and nothing else,” you exclaim with a self-pitying scoff.

“And I tried being the chill girl who just goes along with things that are casual. But Leehan, you make me feel things that no one ever has, and it’s not just the sex. For the past few months…it’s felt like my life only truly felt worth living if you were noticing me.”

You can plainly tell by Leehan’s stiff body language and overall lack of reaction that this entire spiel is making him uncomfortable. And as discouraging as the reaction is, now that you’ve started, it feels like you can’t stop until he knows everything that he’s put you through to get to this point.

“And maybe I only feel that way because when we fuck, it’s not like some one-night-stand or throwaway shit. It truly feels like I’m baring my soul to you. And I know that it’s not one sided,” you remark with confidence. Because being in bed with Leehan is the only time when you feel like you can truly understand him. It’s when your hearts, minds, and bodies are in sync and you can both be at your most vulnerable with each other.

“But then you leave, just like you’re doing now. And it makes me feel like the most massive piece of shit you can possibly imagine,” you mumble out with a broken, wet laugh.

Coming to the end of your spiel, you let your arms come down to your sides defeatedly, and with one last imploring look to Leehan’s blank and starry eyes, you ask the question that has been haunting you for the better part of three months now. “So what I guess I want to know is…what is it that’s stopping you from going all in with me? Is it that I’m just…not enough for you to want anything more than sex?” you question, insecurities that have been welling up for so long coming out in a way that has your voice sounding broken. “Or are you just too scared of commitment to allow yourself to feel loved?

“Because that’s exactly what I feel for you. And god dammit, Leehan, but I’m almost 80% sure you feel that way for me too.”

When you’re sure that there’s nothing else left to say and that you got everything you wanted to explain out, it’s with a relieving sigh that your body expels the weight of three months’ worth of pain, sadness, and thoughts of worthlessness. 

And because you know it must be a lot to be on the receiving end of the heaviness of those words, it’s not surprising that the next few seconds after you finish speaking are filled by silence. Watching Leehan stare at you intensely, you allow him the time and the grace to process what he’s heard before you jump to assuming the worst of his silence. 

But then, his first words to you hit you like an icy blast of wind. 

“Y/N, you’re a good person. And the time we’ve spent together has been so much fun for me. But this has always been just that for me…fun. Sex,” he says unambivalently, framing the words delicately though it does nothing to prevent them from hitting you like a freight train. “And I’m sorry if I ever did or said anything that gave you an impression otherwise.

“But honestly, Y/N…” he continues, looking away from you and losing the ability to sugarcoat his thoughts as he expresses, “I told you from the forefront what this was. Why did you say yes if it wasn’t what you wanted?”

He asks a valid question that you unfortunately don’t have the answer to. Because honestly, what were you thinking? Looking back at that moment when he first proposed this arrangement, you have to wonder what possessed you to be delusional enough to think that this would possibly end well.

As embarrassing and humiliating it is to admit, it’s the sex. All those times he told you he desired you, how beautiful you were, how much he wanted you, made you feel like maybe he just didn’t know what he wanted. That eventually he’d come around.

“Because I didn’t think that it was that important to you,” you tell him, feeling your confidence shrinking in real time as your voice comes out quiet and whiny. “I thought…I thought you were changing your mind.”

“I don’t think we should keep doing this, Y/N,” he declares in reply, looking down at the ground in embarrassment. “I like you a lot, but I can’t continue on if I know you have the expectation that this is gonna blossom into something more. I’m sorry, but it’s just not.”

And with that last sobering pronouncement, Leehan runs a hand through his hair, an obviously fake chuckle let out of his lips as he seeks to break the awkwardness of this atmosphere. “This really wasn’t how I wanted this to go,” he mumbles out apologetically, and the way that he stands there stiffly lets you know he wants nothing else than to get away from you right now. 

And sure enough, the sound of a notification going off draws both of your attention to his phone. Like a final dagger to your heart and self-esteem, he’s not even able to hide the relief that floods his expression as he announces, “My Uber’s here, so I just…goodbye, Y/N.”

You watch Leehan step off the porch and into the rain, the lack of light and storm clouds rendering him into nothing more but a blurry, gray silhouette. 

It’s how you will more than likely remember Leehan as you watch him enter the white Mazda that pulls into the driveway. 

Watch the car drive off knowing that you will more than likely never see him again.

He will forever be immortalized in your brain as the stormy force of a presence that came into your life like a tornado, wrecking everything around it and exiting like nothing happened, leaving you a splintered mess of a world to clean up for yourself.

You will be just another Natty, someone Leehan offhandedly mentions to his friends in the car with whoever he chooses to be his next victim, someone he spent a good few weeks with only to never mention them again.

“You’re an enigma, Kim Leehan,” you declared with sincerity. “I don’t want to be your girlfriend either. No offense.”

“None taken,” he replied with breezy indifference, bringing his hand to lay over the one you have on his face. “But don’t say that so easily. You don’t know me well enough yet.”

You rolled your eyes at yet another show of cockiness from him. “And are you saying if I did, I would fall for you?”

Even as his expression remained passive, he replied forebodingly, “Isn’t that usually how these things end?”

He was right.

The next two months of not seeing, talking, or hearing from Leehan go by in a gray-ish, incomprehensible blur.

You complete your classes, managing a passing GPA and thankfully holding on to your scholarship.

You go out to lunch and on study dates with your mutual friends, neglecting to explain why you always need to know who else is coming before you agree to going out.

You attend a couple parties and events on campus, wondering each time whether you’ll run into Leehan and not sure if the rigid feeling over your chest is because of hopefulness or fear at the idea of possibly seeing him. 

And as you pack up your things to get ready to move out for the winter, it feels like you should be over this by now. You spent three months together. Tumultuous, but still only three – it doesn’t seem to make sense why you still feel so hurt.

But you’re now learning that situationships are the hardest to comprehend in their aftermath because it’s hard to know what exactly it is that you’re feeling wistful towards. Leehan isn’t your ex, but he’s also not a friend whom you simply grew apart from. 

He’s another third thing that you can’t quite capture, making it difficult for you to reminisce on your exciting yet tainted memories with one another.

It’s with these thoughts running through your mind that you finish packing your last few items of furniture, readying them to be stowed away in the back of a U-Haul you rented for the day. 

And with your dorm now basically empty, your roommate having moved out a few days before, you can’t help but to view it nostalgically from the vantage point of your doorway, memories of this semester’s escapades coming back to you all at once.

The dresser that you let Leehan stash his condoms in.

Your cheap bed whose loose, metal springs always robbed you of any chance at secrecy in your interactions. 

Moving towards your kitchenette, you stare silently at the flowers he gifted you that one day, still alive despite several weeks of neglect. The little cardboard fish he stuck between the petals makes it appear almost like they’re swimming among colorful, sagging coral reefs.

Your eyes flit over to your couch, where you didn’t know at the time would be the last place he fucked you before he’d never talk to you again.

Going over these memories in your mind, it makes sense then why when you hear a knock resounding on your door, the first thing you think of is Leehan.

But surely, you’re just caught up in the emotions caused by the sudden moment of reflection; it has to be an RA, or a neighbor about to ask if they can borrow a broom and dustpan.

When you go to open your door, you don’t consider for a second that on the other end could be the one person you’re not prepared to see right now.

So when it swings open and you’re greeted by a straight-faced, wide-eyed Leehan, whose body is relaxed against the side of your door, it feels like all of the air is knocked out of your body.

“Hi,” he says plainly, straightening his posture when he sees you staring at him staggeringly. To say that you feel conflicted as you take in his handsome, tall form would be beyond an understatement. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long since you’ve seen each other, and it’s almost like he could tell you right now that he’s here because he wants to fuck you and it would feel normal, like nothing has changed between the two of you.

But even in just making that mental observation, you feel angry and resentful that such a dynamic was normalized among the two of you for so long that you convinced yourself it was okay to be treated that way.

And as you stew in those feelings of renewed bitterness and frustration, you find yourself suddenly and strongly opposed to him being here, asking bluntly, “What is this? Why are you here?”

“I’m here to apologize,” he answers with an imploring look, and habitually you study his expressions in the hopes of discerning whether he’s being sincere or not.

But it’s with a feeling of resignation that you realize how done you are with trying to constantly read his mind and understand what motivates his decisions.

Because the same way there’s a chance that he really did show up here with good intentions, there’s just as equal a chance that he wants you to trust him again so that he can get his dick wet.

And so, in a move that brings you an immature level of satisfaction, you close the door on his face without another word.

You hear him exclaiming loudly “Y/N, wait!” on the other side of the door but you’ve already made up your mind, deciding that whatever he has to say isn’t worthy of your time or attention.

You’re done with his manipulative behavior, with his aloofness and undeserved self-assuredness, but most of all you’re tired of being made to feel like shit. And that’s all he ever did in those few months that you were sleeping together.

As you retreat to your bedroom, you go to return to packing your things, but the adrenaline from the passing moment makes your hand shake and your body pulse energetically. You need a second to pause and breathe and process what’s just happened, to walk around and pace away all of this unresolved energy. 

But then you turn around to go back out into your living room, and that’s when you see Leehan standing right outside the arch of your bedroom doorway.

“Jesus fucking christ, Leehan!” you exclaim in a mixture of both surprise, frustration, and confusion as you wonder whether he broke in or if you—

“You left the door unlocked,” he replies calmly, and even though he knows he has a lot to make up for, he still can’t help the smirk that comes to his face as he jokes, “Kinda 101 not to do that if you don’t want someone coming in. That’s like me leaving the filter of my fish tank —”

“Get out, Leehan. Get out! I have nothing left I want to say to you!” you shout, impatient and uncaring to his jokes and his dimples and everything else about him that used to charm you. It’s all meaningless to you now, and you don’t care if you look crazy or unhinged when you go to physically push him out of your dorm.

But even with the nonchalant, noncommittal way he holds onto your wrist to restrain you, you still only manage to move him a few steps, much to your dismay and rage.

And so, in a heat-of-the-moment, emotionally driven decision, you move to close your bedroom door on his face. While successful in keeping him out of your bedroom, you don’t even realize until seconds later that he’s still free to roam in your hallway, kitchenette, and living room, while you’ve essentially just locked yourself in.

Predictably, you can hear Leehan chuckling outside of your door as he makes this same realization.

“You know, if it was your goal to get me to leave, then I’m not sure locking yourself in your room really…” he begins to say, not able to keep the amusement out of his voice at the foolish mistake on your part. But, remembering the reason why he came here in the first place, he tones it down to say soberly, “Nevermind. It doesn't matter.”

You walk over to the side of your bedroom that’s opposite from the doorway, sitting down on the floor, determined to tune out whatever it is that Leehan is about to say. Maybe if you stay silent and let him tire himself out, he’ll eventually leave knowing that there’s nothing he can say to make up for how he’s made you feel.

“I”m not super good at explaining myself, or talking at all, honestly. I go on tangents and my mind is just…a giant fucking minefield. So I wrote down what I wanted to tell you.”

Leehan’s voice is distorted but nonetheless able to be heard clearly through the thin wood that makes up your door, so much so that you can clearly hear the crumpling noises of a paper being unraveled as he starts to read. 

“If you’re listening to me read this, it’s because I somehow managed to convince you to hear me out. Either that, or I broke into your dorm, which feels like the more likely option,” he says with almost no emotion behind the words, and against your own discipline, you can feel your lips twitching into a smirk automatically in reaction to his strange, off putting way of speaking.

“I know my insistence can come off as crass given how shitty of a person I’ve been to you. But I knew that today was move-out day, and I needed you to hear me out before you left.”

You hear him take a deep breath before continuing with the next part of his speech. “As you know, I’m a pretty fearless person. But when it comes to admitting my feelings for you, I’ve had a much harder time. Truthfully, since I met you, it’s been because of my own immaturity that I’ve seen other girls romantically. Even though I always knew my feelings for you were different, I pushed them away in the hopes of avoiding having to commit to anyone. When you told me how you really felt for me, truthfully, it scared me. I didn’t want to know what my life would look like if I decided to be with just one person.

“I thought that by rejecting you, by being away from you for this long, that my feelings for you would go away,” he remarks with the same sort of unfeeling, neutral tone to his voice, as if he knows the explanation behind his actions is unimportant given how they’ve impacted you. “I wanted to view you as just another name on a long list.”

But it’s with his next words that passion and sincerity and longing bleed into his voice all at once to say, “But it’s taken me this time of being away from you to realize that…I’m still not over you.”

After minutes of hanging onto his every word despite every inclination that has been telling you to do otherwise, it’s those last five words that hit you like a freight train. 

And you know it’s foolish and dumb to be believing anything that comes out of his mouth anymore, but you suppose it’s no different from all of the other times you continued to let him in even when he showed you so many times why you shouldn’t. 

Your reasoning remains the same – you just feel an irrational pull to him that is all-consuming, your heart connected to his in a way you can’t control. 

And it doesn’t help that everything he says next is all of the affirmation you’ve been wanting and needing him to give you throughout your entire time of sleeping together. “You deserve someone that’s going to treat you with respect. Someone that makes you feel loved and beautiful and desired. Someone with the courage to be vulnerable and who will care for you in your most vulnerable moments. And I’m sorry if you felt like you didn’t have that with me,” he remarks, and you don’t even realize you’ve been holding your breath throughout his spiel until your chest literally contracts from the lack of air to your lungs.

“But if you can find some way to forgive me, then I want to make us work,” he asserts pleadingly. And with the finality that it feels like follows that statement, you get the feeling that what he says next is no longer being read off the paper. 

Especially when you can hear what you think is the top of his head, leaned against the door with a small thunk as he quietly laments, “I want you, Y/N. Not just sexually, but for everything that makes you who you are. It’s always been you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.” 

It’s quiet after that, so much so that you can hear his small and broken breaths being let out against the wall. You hear what you think is the sound of his hand being brought up to rest next to his head. And as the feeling of being pulled in so many directions takes over you, your heart in a heated battle with your brain, it’s after a few moments of silence that you stand up and walk over towards the door. 

Leehan, observing the shadows of your footsteps through the little gap at the bottom of the door, perks up when it’s just a thin barrier of wood that keeps you from being face-to-face with one another.

You prepare yourself to be annoyed when you open the door in expectation that he will be his usual unreadable, unserious self. 

But it’s in surprise but also a little relief that what you find when you face him is the expression of a man who’s truly understood the gravity of his mistakes and feels shameful over them.

“You look really pretty,” he blurts out, the suddenness of the remark almost betraying your slowly but surely growing feelings of understanding towards him. But you also can’t help that his random candor makes you laugh, reminded of some of your earlier interactions as he sheepishly says, “Sorry, bad timing.”

Still standing a fair distance away from him, the tip of your toes just barely meeting the tip of his as you look down at them to avoid eye contact, you attempt to ease the tension of the moment with a shy but truthful, “Thank you, Leehan. For the compliment and for the apology.”

You can feel the heat of his gaze as he tilts his head to stare at you, his attention feeling hopeful but not in a way that makes you feel pressured, but in a way that has you compelled to be completely vulnerable and honest with him.

“I’m just…really scared that you’ll hurt me,” you confess somberly, and it still feels strange to even say things like this to him because you’ve spent so much time suppressing your negative emotions when it comes to Leehan. Scared that you’d lose his approval and feeling like you needed such approval to feel good about yourself.

But over time as your relationship progressed and you found yourself little by little regaining the sense of self that your interactions with Leehan robbed you of, you were able to realize that you didn’t deserve to be treated like an afterthought, like an object only useful if it was giving satisfaction to someone else.

And it was in resentment that over these two months of not speaking you felt like Leehan believed that, too.

But now after hearing him explain himself and believing genuinely that he wants to be with you, you now battle with the parts of you that are scared to believe him in fear of getting hurt and the parts of you that so badly also want to be in a relationship with him.

“I’m not scared,” he tells you, the confidence you’ve come to know him for coming out more strongly than ever before. “I’ve got you, remember?”

He then goes to place his two middle fingers underneath your chin, pushing your jaw upward so that you’re forced into eye contact. Staring into his endless and piercing eyes, it’s for the first time that you feel like you understand him in a non-sexual context. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?” you mumble quietly in reply.

And it’s as you feel your lips twitching into a content smile that Leehan leans in to kiss you, and you accept the gesture without question.

five months later

“I wanna go half on a baby with you.”

These are the words that Leehan remarks to your sleeping form as you lay comfortably beside him in bed, sleeping but getting roused into attention by the faint sound of his voice.

“A fish baby, of course,” he clarifies, though you don’t even register what he’s saying as you remain half-asleep. “I think the ones in my tank are getting lonely.”

It’s hard to tell sometimes whether Leehan is musing out loud to himself or talking directly to you, but either way, the deep tone of his voice wakes you up just the same. 

You lay on your stomach, opening one eye to find him sitting up on his elbow and staring down at you with a curious expression on his face. His hand, resting on your back, draws unintelligible figures on the skin that’s left uncovered by your night shirt. 

All in all, it's a pretty domestic, intimate scene, had you not glanced over at your phone to find how early it was.

“Leehan, it’s seven a.m,” you complain to your boyfriend who still just stares dreamily at your sleepy figure. “What are you yapping about?”

Too familiar with your morning grumpiness to be phased by it, it’s with an unmoved expression that Leehan casually replies, “Just about how much I want a baby with you.”

When you hear those words come out of Leehan’s mouth, you’re sure you must still be asleep and that this is just an incredibly vivid dream. Either that, or you’re dating the strangest person in the world. 

Given that both realities are entirely plausible, it’s in your tiredness and confusion that you sit up from the bed completely, staring at a relaxed Leehan with raised eyebrows. “Don’t you think we’re a little young for that? I mean eventually, sure, but while we’re in school—”

“I was talking about fish,” he interrupts you to say, chuckling at your confused expression and giggling again when you pout at being laughed at. “But since you’re so eager, why don’t I put a baby in you right now?”

Your own laughter in reaction to his words is suppressed when he presses a large hand on your stomach, pushing you back down on the bed. He leans in to kiss you, but per usual, you refuse to make things easy for him.

Reaching behind your head, you grab a pillow and smack him in the face with it, creating a barrier between your bodies. “You’re such a weirdo,” you playfully quip, a designation he only takes in stride as he goes to throw the pillow somewhere on the floor.

“I’m your weirdo though,” he emphasizes, and it’s as you’re both smiling in satisfaction that he leans in to press his lips against yours.

And as his cold hands roam your warm body, you’re hit with a sudden wave of happiness as you acknowledge how far gone the days of having to wish for him to stay even fir minutes after you’ve had sex truly are. 

Because in the past five months since you’ve gotten together exclusively, not only is it routine for him to stay behind, but you also get to wake up together and experience these sleepy, romantic moments. 

The moments when he slowly kisses down your body, dragging his plush lips down your sternum until he’s positioned between your legs.

The moments when you pull softly at his hair as he languidly drags his tongue up and down your folds, begging you in his gruff, sleep-affected voice to come all over his face.

The moments when you could be sponning sideways, on top of him, or below him and he’ll still find a way to spread your legs apart, pressing his long, veiny cock inside of you until you’re overwhelmed by how full you are. 

The moments where his tiredness renders him impatient and he fucks into you so roughly that you can barely form words. 

The moments when he kisses you lazily through every thrust until the sex becomes so good that all you can manage is the occasional swipe of your tongue against his lips or a whimper into his mouth.

The moments when you reach your climax together and he rocks his come in and out of you like he never intends on pulling out.

The moment when you moan out his name, understanding why when you first met he insisted that to know it was a privilege. That to know him is a privilege.

And finally, your favorite, the moments when you either fall back asleep in each other’s hold or get up to shower the sleepiness and sweat off of each other. 

Today is one of those days that you relent to getting up and showering, convinced only by the fact that neither of you has a morning class, making it a perfect day to visit the pet shop conveniently located just a few miles from your college town.

“What about this one?” 

You turn to face Leehan in the fish tank lined aisle of the pet store, lips curling into a smile as you observe him pressing his face up to the glass in awe. As you come up to his side to view the brown-colored fish that have him so captivated, it’s in a surge of honesty that you reply, “Don’t you think they’re kind of…ugly?”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes as you watch your boyfriend gasps dramatically in reaction to your words, even brushing his hand against the fish tank in a gesture akin to patting someone's head. “They can hear you, you know. I’m so sorry, fishies.”

Ignoring his childishness, you look around at the surrounding fish and sigh as you’re overwhelmed by all the different options. “Honestly, Leehan, you should just pick one. They all look the same to me.”

“But it should be something we both like,” he answers with a pout, circling the aisles a few more times before finally stopping at a tank in the very corner. 

Inside of it are an array of multi-colored fish, but the one that stands out to you is an entirely white one with a patch of vibrant red at the top of its head. 

It would be indistinguishable from a goldfish had it not been for its striking color and the appendage that looks almost like an inside-out brain on its head. 

A label beside the tank reads Oranda. 

“What about this one?” asks Leehan in curiosity, and in an almost alarming way, he points out the exact same fish you were just eyeing. 

You come around to the other side of the tank to view it from another angle, giggling innocently when you make eye-contact with Leehan through the distorted lens of the water. “It’s pretty,” you remark simply, and because Leehan has come to know you so well, he knows that the simple attribution is a sign of high praise from you.

“Should we make it ours?” he asks you officially, and though you’re certain that this is the fish you’ve been looking for, there’s one question popping up in your brain that you still can’t find the answer to.

“What should we name it?”

You both take a beat to ponder on the question. Leehan chimes in first, blurting out, “I know. Loony.”

At this, you scoff, unsure as to where he would have gotten such an idea from. “Are you trying to say that our child is crazy?” you quip in feigned offense. 

“No. It’s short for lunar eclipse. That’s when I knew we were gonna be more than just a one night stand,” he tells you sincerely, and with that context you find yourself becoming quickly attached to both the name and the fish who you take home in a plastic bag only moments later.

You allow Leehan to take the lead in homing Loony, a process that involves lots of complicated jargon about adjusting the water temperature and changing the salinity that you mostly pretend to understand as he explains it to you. 

And when you are finally able to sit side by side in front of the tank and watch through the glass as Loony swims among the other fish, it’s with an adoring tone of voice that you hear Leehan say, “It’s pretty, awesome, right?”

At the sound of his voice, you turn to face him, and without being entirely conscious of it, you simply take in his features and how content he looks to be here, with you and with these fishes.

“Yeah,” you reply, laying down and resting your head on his shoulder. “It’s awesome.”

taglist: @lailols @papichulomacy @0310s @softiwoon @gardenforwon @cherrytaesan @mryuyux @saintriots @lonelylandofan @cyber-tiny @keyywrld @isabellah29 @amerecerasus @cadidupped @suhovhs @lionhanie @taesanmoon @revelettre @s9nwoo @brachioswrld @moneygal0re @karatttttt

thank you all sm for your support on this fic <3 your reactions, feedback, and compliments have meant the world

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Hi beautiful, I hope your day is going well😽

So I have some 18+ ateez questions/hard thoughts if you’ll indulge me.

I’ll start with mingi since he’s my bias lol.

Switch but sub leaning mg yes?

Soooo….. my question for you is, what do you think it’ll take to get dom mg? I personally don’t think jealousy, I think he’s too soft for that.😅

I see him getting whiny and feeling heavy hearted if let’s say, his partner was to flirt with others to get a rise out of him. Rather than getting possessive and that let me remind you who you belong to energy. I feel 50/50 about teasing I think teasing him may bring out his dom side but then again it could also bring out his needy subby side…

Of course you could just ask him straight out to take charge but that doesn’t exactly equate to being dominant… I don’t think when he doms he’ll be a hard dom at all, more of a soft dom is what I think. But how would you achieve that side of him because I definitely think he has a more assertive/dom side to him but again how? what will get him to show that side, and what do you think that side would be like.

Moving onto hwa, my bias wrecker.

100% care giver energy.

with that being said do you think he’d like being taken care of and prioritized the way he would do his partner. In a non s and s context.

In a more s context do you think he’d allow himself to just enjoy whatever his partner has in store for him without reciprocating at all?

I personally don’t think so, but I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. I personally think he’d get the most pleasure from pleasing his partner in any way more than anything.

Of course I don’t think he’d hate being taken care of, I just think he’d rather be the one taking care of his partner than the other way around in general..

(Only two members because I don’t want to overwhelm you with a super long ask..)

Oooh okay so I'm on the train and I have pushed this aside so I can finally give this ask the detail and validation it deserves because these make AMAZING points and insight!

Disclaimer: These are just my thoughts, don't take it too seriously.

Why is Mingi your bias? I love learning about why ppl bias certain members and their reasoning behind it.

In my mind, Mingi is a switch with a sub leaning and I honestly do feel him getting jealous and/or possessive would flip that switch into dom!mingi territory.

The thing about Mingi though is he's a smart man and he'll figure out probably whether you're flirting with others to get a rile out of him and pls the man is a Leo sun-

So I think the chances of him flirting with another girl out of spite is more likely because the man is needy but he can also be BRATTY too.

I honestly think he has more brat tendencies in him than Wooyoung but he just hides it better.

However- I will also say that another way for him to flip into dom!mingi is maybe after a fight where he knows you're upset OR if you're feeling insecure about an aspect of the relationship.

He's the ultimate care-giver/ pleasure switch so omg you don't think he loves you enough? What has he not been doing right??

And so I feel this would push him into a headspace of seeking control as a means to 'prove himself' by being dominant and worshipping you...but still in a needy, soft-hearted way.

'My baby feels good yeah? I know you do but I want to hear you say it, it makes me so hard when I hear you hear you say it'

Ooh okay so Hwa is definitely living with that care-giver complex but he definitely needs some reciprocation and I can attest to this because I'm like an Aries stellium like him.

He's an Aries Mars and what makes them harder than a brick is FEELING DESIRED!!! They need to know you want this as bad as they do!!

It's a big reason why he becomes a different person on stage because when he's performing and he can feel the audience consumed by his presence-

Oh honey it unlocks a desire in him that's almost primal.

It's why a lot of ppl are like 'why is Seonghwa still performing after his grandfather has passed?'

And it's because the adrenaline/testosterone/dopamine effect he has whilst performing is helping him grieve and process those feelings- us Aries work well under pressure for a reason.

So yes while I feel he still prefers to give rather than receive, he has to feel like your desire and needs are matching his in the moment.

So, I do feel in moments of vulnerability that he would let you take care of him and can just lay back and just receive- he would probably have to reciprocate like a day later or so.

But sex is an important love language for him so he'd use anything as an excuse to be intimate.

You could buy him a lego set he's been anxiously anticipating for and he would say thank you by wanting to rock your world-

He's an Aries Mars after all so he prefers quickies and short sessions to an endless round of love-making.

So in summary, Seonghwa is more of an attention-whore than most people expect.

'Did you see Mommy up on stage my precious, little star mmmh?? How wet did I make you??? Is your cunt all needy because of me?'

Feel free to send in more thoughts about the other members, it'll just take awhile for me to respond haha

[dreamscapesofimagination]

Hi! I hope you're having a good day!I came for the tdb requests :D

I have Jin as the default character on the main screen (didn't choose him nor liked him at first , he resembled default cold male lead in Korean transmigration manhwas , he's the first ssr i pulled tho soo) and his lines about him establishing a servant-king dynamic ( a tsundere , constipated feelings )without giving us the option to be slightly annoying about it _us servaning him_ is annoying to me.

I am a person who likes to challenge those around me (I like to play with what given to me since everything is more than it seems)even tho I am a calm person so ppl rarely wait for it,so, I have been wanting to get Jin to go to those 'peasants' locations he mentions in his voice lines (like seeing fireworks is better on a helicopter) for a date to get him to admit the beauty in what you can create (we have all noticed he' s grieving a loss so I kinda want it to take inspo from thod daye in order to challenge his current situation especialy his stigma )

Thank you in advance!

A/N: This is an amazing idea! I actually love Jin- I really enjoy the emotionally constipated characters (Aka why I love Alan, Megumi from JJK, and Dean Winchester sm lol). I hope you enjoy!

T/W: Cursing, Jin is kinda a spoiled ass- but also not?, soft Jin

Summary: Jin doesn’t understand why you insist on making him stargaze with you- he could take you to an observatory. He doesn’t understand the appeal of laying in the grass. He doesn’t understand why you’re so happy, or why your smile makes such a warm feeling spread through his chest.

—————

This truly had to be some kind of joke.

In fact, Jin was sure it was.

In what world was laying in the grass outside of your dorm better than viewing the stars at a world class observatory?

You, however, were extremely pleased that you had convinced him to quote “do peasant shit.”

His haughty attitude irritated you to no end, and you were determined to make him eat his words, which is exactly why you had chosen tonight for this.

He glanced over at you, watching you settle onto your back.

“This better be good. After this I’ll show you what it's like to see the sky through the best observatory in the world,” you rolled your eyes at his words.

“I know you’ll enjoy this, as long as you pull your head out of your ass.” you flashed him a sweet smile as he glared at you for your response.

“Wow, got some bite to ya, huh? Scared to admit this is a waste of my time?”

Your eyes narrowed, “Jin, sometimes I want to smack that smug look off of your face,” your ridiculously handsome face.

It was quite vexing- Jin was exactly your type. His attitude was the only deterrent, which frustrated you.

You knew there was more to him, he just refused to let people in.

He let out a bark of laughter at your response.

“I’d like to see you try- that would be the highlight of my day.”

“Your attitude is exactly why you have two friends.”

“Bold of you to assume I need friends.”

With a sigh, you refocused your eyes on the sky, choosing to ignore that statement.

You wished you could just get through to him- figure out why he was so guarded.

Jin watched you for a moment, uneasy at your lack of response. He was so used to you always having a retort to his remarks. Nothing he had ever said had seemed to genuinely upset you, until this.

Besides, he only had one friend, Tohma.

Until it hit him- you.

Despite how cold he was, you had always been friendly to him, insisting on sticking around even when he relentlessly pushed you away.

With a sigh, he laid beside you in the grass, choosing to follow your lead in hopes of making you happier.

The sky was an endless sheet full of stationary pin pricks of light.

His eyes widened when it started.

Flashes of light across the sky- hundreds of them.

A meteor shower.

His eyes flashed to you, and he couldn’t resist the warmth that spread through his chest at the look of wonder on your face.

You were hyper aware of Jin beside you. You wanted him to enjoy this- not just admit that it was better than a damn observatory.

The night was cool, with a small breeze that rustled past you both on occasion.

Seconds passed into minutes as you both watched the meteor shower, and you couldn’t resist the smile that spread across your face. You loved stargazing- and meteor showers were so rare that you had never seen one.

“Isn’t this amazing?” Your voice was breathless as you spoke, and his gaze went to you and he couldn’t stop himself, “Yeah, guess so.”

Pride filled you and you spoke again, “better than a fancy observatory?”

He felt his lip curl up, unable to tear his gaze away from the happiness on your face.

“It's probably the company.”

Cheeks burning, you sat up, watching him.

Jin couldn’t help the way his heart fluttered, not entirely opposed to the feeling of warmth in his chest.

He carefully avoided your gaze, turning his eyes back to the sky, “afterall, I’ve got two friends, so I should enjoy spending time with the better of the two.”

You smiled, rolling your eyes.

It wasn’t difficult to recognize that this was the best you would get, and you were satisfied seeing the icy exterior he held melt even the slightest.

[dabisbratz]

first of all the nerd!eren series is so good i can’t it’s just > <

i love the smutty aspects but now i’m curious about the fluffy aspects too. like i know he has a lot of… naughty… things on his mind but-

will rennie ask us out? or go on cute dates? is there romance behind all of his bold getures? i can’t help but think about how the relationship will develop during the story hehe

EEEE VBEEN DYIN T’TALK BOUT THIS AU!!

rennie has alwaysalways had a crush on you !! before even goin to marley university ( hehe ), since a lot of the ppl who go there are from the same small, gated town !! (the university’s in the city though of course !!) would say yguys were close as kids but grew apart young even though ywere neighbors!! jus led veryvery different lives!! n ywanted tbe known as an athlete, not a loser :c so ykinda jus repressed all that n built yourself back up.

n e ways, before ren started even thinkin. bout sex n stuff. he was a huge romance manga fan!! n while he still is, he doesn’t have it displayed very clearly in his room. .n tho he’s not a virgin, he’s only ever really had your eyes set on you !! so s’not like he went out of his way tlose his virginity, jus kinda happened, n the whole time he really only thought of you.

he experimented a lot with his feelins too ( thank u armin n mikasa ), n he realized what he felt fyou was a lot bigger than a crush, or admiration, or friendship !! cuz it jus.. never went away. even after enterin college. especially when he’d see you in class or around the hall or jus hear your name.. sometimes he’d go to your games tsee you, n he’d roll some dice tsee f’ you’d win (cutiepie!!)

his weird. . . horny behavior s’def his way of flirtin!! every hentai he’s ever shown you ends supersuper sweet, like the mcs gettin married/havin kids n somehow he Thinks. yget that that’s his romantic gesture but ydont even read manga, so how would yknow?? he’s a lil dummy . s’also why his aftercare is so slow n thorough (as it should be !!) , he jus wants tlook at you n keep you close f’as long as he can :c

n he has a lot more confidence when he’s angry or shovin your head down on his cock ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ so whether you’re fightin or fuckin, his confession sjus.. horrible timin !! a grunt of ‘you’re so pretty. i love you. iloveyouiloveyou—’

buuut hed act like he never said it :c he’s scared of bein rejected, gettin t’talk t’you n touch you again ‘s already a dream come true t’him!! n fyou were tsay ywere jus friends he’d get so upset. so upset!! eyes waterin n lip wobblin n angry. ‘wanna say that again? friends don’t fuck like we do’ he’s so dramatic !! but he knows he puts his love into it :cc n you do too

s’def a “he fell first but you fell harder” thing !! reader’s still wrappin his head around his sexuality, his relationship with eren?? his borderline commitment issues? his reputation? n his bad grades !! at first rennie’s this sudden n crazy breather from it all. like stress relief!! until he jus keeps poppin up— in person, in his head, in his music n interests n conversations!! n he realizes he’s never felt more loved than when eren’s jus lookin at him.

thaaat bein said!!! they would go on dates!! once s’all figured out, they’d turn everyday stuff into dates !! eatin together in the foodcourt, goin off campus durin holidays, study dates, goin out for dinner after yhave a game!!

[kisseobie]

hun i honestly cannot find anything with ppl talking shit about you. i mean it’s good to know but like where in the hell did those anons get that info 🤨 ????

i honestly think maybe people deleted whatever they were saying or most people are blocked from seeing it, not entirely sure but i’m thankful my anons made me aware of it so that i can at least attempt to address this controversy. i hope you don’t mind me using this ask as my response to whatever “shit” people have been talking about me and/or my blog 😭

1. if people are upset about me writing nsfw for seobsoul, i could honestly not care less. the argument i have seen in most kpop nsfw writing discourse for idols who have recently turned 18 is that it somehow “doesn’t matter” that the people typically writing these works about these idols are literally in the same age range, sometimes even younger than said idols, for example, seobsoul. i have never written nsfw for seobsoul before they turned 18, and i don’t even think i started writing fanfiction for p1harmony before seob was 18 😭 do these people honestly think that we don’t see that they write for intak in the same way i write for seobsoul? people started writing smut for intak when he turned 18 as well, but it’s suddenly a huge issue when someone born in the same year as seobsoul writes for them too. mind you, intak is a total of 2 years older than jongseob and shota!!

2. i have nsfw warnings on my page for a reason. if people who don’t like nsfw for seobsoul choose willingly to snoop around on my page, that’s their prerogative. i clearly have different opinions on this topic than they do and that is ok! nothing i have written towards jongseob and soul has ever been predatory so to paint me as a weirdo is silly imo. if a p1ece is attracted to a member that is the same age range as them, why do they have to wait “a year or two” to write smut about them? that doesn’t even sound genuine in the slightest 😭 waiting to write smut doesn’t equate to not having sexual fantasies about them at their current age, it just means you’re scared of how people will react. i however, am not because why the hell would i be embarrassed of natural attraction to men my age?

3. “regardless their age, you don’t know these idols so you shouldn’t be writing smut about them” .. to this i say: there are bigger issues in the world. there are real predators on this planet and you genuinely think that me writing smut about boys my own age is the end of the world? fanfiction, including smut, will always exist. fanfiction is an outlet of creativity and i have never claimed that the things i write would actually happen in real life.. that’s the whole point of writing, at least to me.. to create universes based on people you love, and to share them with others who love those people as deeply as you do. however, i do understand that fanfiction will always be seen as a morally grey topic and i won’t sit here and attempt to explain my side in a 10-page essay. i will say though, that if you don’t agree with nsfw seobsoul writers, just block them and move on lol

anyways .. p1harmony comeback soon guys who else is excited :3

[pengold]

Okay, so this is the anon that pointed out the gloria name (if its okay i just wanna refer to myself as "💚 anon")

I wanted to ask if you are comfortable with us asking questions regarding the AU? Like- The whole thing with Steven having "nothing to do" with Nacha's husband's death. Especially since said husband was his father's right hand man- does his father know? I'd imagine if he did, it was because of some double crossing or something, but then why would Nacha still be under protection? Would she ever find out? Would his father be upset if he didn't know and found out?

Thats just the first thing i wanted to ask. There's some thoughts/questions I've been thinking about regarding Angus, Izaack, Doppelgangers, and the Doctor. As i said. Your AU is tickling my brain in such good ways, but i want to know if asking is okay

And also, thank you so much for the Angus love- i feel the characters are so underrated compared to the milkman (still love him tho)

Hello 💚 anon and yes you can tots ask questions about the Au (and that goes for everybody)!! Angus and the Selenne are my 2 favs and I love that people like me drawing the “less” popular characters!

As to Steven and the situation with Nacha’s husband: he died in a police sting and Rudboys Sr. thinks there is a rat in his organization. He doesn’t know that it was Steven as he was the one that told the org what went down and he barely made it out. So Steven was put on task of finding the mole while hiding himself. He has seen that he has fooled his dad so he is seeing how he could take over sooner.

He is a naughty boy who is trying to get both the girl and the job.

This is were Izaack comes in, he knows something more went down at that sting and is trying to investigate it. He was best friends with Nacha’s husband when they were younger. Even though they went separate ways and didn’t agree with each others career choices, they kept an eye on each other.

So plan is Steven makes his move on Rudboys Sr., ppl think he does but Nacha saves him and brings him to Dr Afton. Nacha was starting to like Steven, thought him a gentleman and was there for her after her husband’s death. It’s her daughter who doesn’t like him that makes her keep a friendly distance from him. She stumbles upon the confrontation between the Rudboys and learns what happens. She goes to Izaack with the info cuz her husband always talked about him.

That’s all I’ll say on this for now but loving the questions makes me think more about it!!

((Also pls excuse and spelling and grammar errors. English is my only language and I’m bad at it))

[fuck-customers]

💋omfg PLEASE stop sending your dad or your boyfriend or whatever the fuck to buy your makeup. If he’s a straight man I can guaran-fucking-tee you this idiot will be pestering me over every goddamn cosmetic item on the shopping list you gave him and probably then some. Ladies if y’all need makeup just get it your damn self stop sending me your dumbass men who take up all my time bc they can’t be bothered to actually look around the makeup dept. I have shit to do and if you’re coming up to me more than three times to ask where something is, I’m getting pissed off.

Dude just now came up to me with a fucking slideshow of makeup products asking where they all are. I just looked at him like “seriously dude?” Like bro I’m not your personal fucking shopper. I’m not gonna sit there and hold your stupid fucking hand while we find these ten products. But even then, I pointed and told him exactly where each item was and he STILL couldn’t find shit. It was like that ep of SpongeBob and he’s like “the lid Patrick. The lid. The lid. The lid.” I told him one of the items was over in the corner and the dude doesn’t even go to the corner. He says “where???¿?¿” over and over again like,,, my brother in Christ,,,, do you not know what a fucking corner is? You are very clearly NOT in the corner right now like this should be a no brainer???

And the dude can see by now I’m getting annoyed by this shit and he snaps at me like “well clearly I’m not someone who uses makeup so I don’t know what I’m doing here” ok so why would you agree to go shopping for it.?Tell your lazy ass daughter/wife/gf she needs to come and get it her damn self. Save us both the fucking headache.

I also think some kind of weaponized incompetence is being employed here. Like it’s not fucking rocket science to look up at the giant, lit-up signs in each aisle that say where each brand of makeup is stocked, and then go from there to find your item. But I think these men are afraid of being perceived as “gay” or whatever tf if they’re seen shopping and taking their time in the makeup dept. so when they’re sent on these shopping trips they just skip any kind of attempt at looking for the shit themselves and instead make a bee line to me the second they walk in. And then they expect me to take their shopping list and do it all for them like no dude fuck off I have tasks to do, come back when you have a real question and not just “can you help me find these 10+ items bc I’m too lazy/too straight to do my own shopping in the makeup dept”

(Lastly I’d like to mention that some of these men even have the gall to come up to me, with their girlfriend/wife/daughter on FaceTime, asking me to color match them. Yes, you read that right. They want me to find the correct shade of foundation based on a blurry ass face on a screen. So as you can imagine, I just laugh in their fucking faces when they ask this, I just cannot believe how stupid ppl are omfg)

My first thought (being in retail 30 years) Is they don't really want the makeup but some creepy way to make conversation with the (sometimes underaged) sales people.

Or like you said they have such a fragile masculinity just being near it upsets them.

If you can get away with it, tell them you will have to charge them the "personal shopper" charge of $25 to walk them to more than three items.

-Rodney

[sharp-silver4795]

HAPPY LATE FRIDAY 13TH!!

Soo, do you have any hcs for Liu in juvie? Or about his experience there?

I love your headcanons!! :D

Liu in Jail!

Omfg you absolute sweetheart!!! Ofc i will give you Liu tea!! I love him sm istg-

Story Portion (always need this part!!)

CW!! ⚠️ R4pe, murd3r, d34th penalty, su1c!d3

So, he was 16 at the time of his arrest, and assault is one of those cases in Florida where it’s considered an adult crime for 16+ ppl, so he went to adult jail~

While he was there he met a man named Jessie.

Jessie refused to tell Liu anything about why he’s in Jail, but he (for some reason) wanted to look out for him.

The only reason Liu wasn’t ripped to shreds was because of Jessie.

Jessie didn’t have to pry to get Liu to spill his guts.

Every horrible thing that happened to him spilled onto this man’s lap. Jessie didn’t respond, didn’t ask questions, merely hugged him.

“It’s alright, kid. Let it out.” He said, as Liu bawled into his arms.

Jessie was the dad Liu needed and gave him the comfort and love that Peter failed to give.

You know it’s sad when your stepson takes more comfort in a convict than you.

Liu never knew why Jessie was put in jail, I might tell, depends on what you want 😉 but he told Jessie why he was there: Charged for assault when trying to avoid being raped…

Jessie gave him much needed advice and tried to help Liu get out early by calling out the bullshit reason he got arrested.

Once released, Liu started writing letters to Jessie. He told him every fucked up thing that happened until the day he hung himself.

The first person to receive a letter that Liu was dead was Jessie.

Later on, when Liu’s second death came, Jessie brings a big box of Liu’s letters that he sent to Jessie after being released.

If Liu was gonna die for his crimes, although justified, he wanted Liu to get the last bit of closure.

Jessie would be later given the rest of his life in prison when he attempts to kill Keith himself and kills everyone who ignored Liu’s pleas for help.

Angy EJ go brrr

CW!! ⚠️ mentions/references to NSFW shit but not much

It is a very long story to explain how EJ knew Liu before the Mansion!

But! When his mans goes missing without explanation, he’s gonna try and track him down!!!

Sadly, EJ never finds him until he gets out of jail-

Very heated interactions ensue to assert dominance and ownership (in a healthy EJ way or as healthy as EJ can be)

Kisses all over, cuddles, and demanding pets

EJ has been pent up and stressed without his man. He needs his Liu.

No smexy shit happens since, at that point, EJ wasn’t physically mature enough to do so. He just needs a few more human years

That’s not the case for Liu tho- soooo 😳

Poor fucking Liu, man

CW!! ⚠️ mental health, psychopathy, lack of justice, r4pe, moral compass turned upside down

Panic attacks. So. Many. Panic attacks.

He’s so upset. He sees it as morals collapsing…

Really reframes his sense of justice and is going to be half the reason that a massacre happens in Oregon and Arkansas.

Being thrown in jail for self defense against a rapist and molester is going to have severe consequences on him that manifests into violence and psychopathic behavior

Jessie Dad

Like I said, nothing is gonna happen to him as long as he’s there.

He stands outside of the showers for him and tries to make sure that he is at least somewhat “comfortable”

However, we’ve all heard that predators don’t do well in prison but the victim will. Especially if the arrest is stupid.

It doesn’t take long for other inmates to get the gist of what’s happening with Liu

Cells suck

Since Liu is in adult jail, he’s gonna be there for the whole experience.

It doesn’t take long for him to spill his guts to his cellmate. Granted his cellmate literally asks for it.

So, when Liu changes and needs to use the bathroom, he makes sure to face the wall.

I assume it would be a common courtesy anyway- but I ain’t never been to jail lmao

Either way, Liu is still traumatized and fucked up

Divider Creds: Sister-Lucifer

also- I am working on the Kagekao ask and the system ask! I’m just kinda slow lmao

[astridthevalkyrie]

so idk how mha is gonna end but obviously the moral of the story we’re going for here is that everyone deserves to be saved and heroism is about saving people no matter what. that’s great! i’m guessing some or all of the league is going to survive and be put into some kind of rehabilitation center (toga and spinner seem the most likely to me for now but who knows). and i’m fine with that i like the overall message of it.

but how are they going to deal with the fallout from the league’s victims? i get the feeling that they’re not, or it’ll be a one-off like “some ppl were upset we didn’t jail or kill the villains but the heroes calmed them down” or something like that. i mean. whoever in the LOV it is would have to show remorse eventually, for one thing, for them to be any different than the corrupt hero system. but even then, all the families of whoever machia trampled on during the war arc, are they just gonna be cool with this? mind you I don’t think that anyone in the LOV should be killed or jailed rather than rehabilitated, but i wonder if the show is going to bring up that anyone who dabi or toga killed won’t get a second chance. they won’t get rehabilitated, they’re just gone. how are their families and friends going to deal with what society deems as an appropriate punishment for them?

i think this message also could’ve been conveyed better if we had more prominent “corrupt” heroes aside from endeavor and hawks. the top ten minus them and the irrelevant guy who retired after the war arc are all portrayed narratively as good people. iida’s brother is attacked by stain for no real reason at all aside from not being all might. all might’s heroism ends up being bad for society overall yeah, but so much of that is because of who toshinori is as a person rather than hero society (which does play a part but if toshinori just hadn’t pushed himself to be the best and number one savior for everyone there wasn’t necessarily any society forcing him to until after he’d already showed them he could do it).

PLUS the existence of afo offsets this message. everyone can be saved…..besides the real super evil people?? if, and I’m not saying they do, shigaraki and afo had the same kill count, is the lack of a sad childhood the only thing that makes afo beyond redemption? i mean he might not be gone gone if he’s still inside shigaraki’s mind or whatever, but that doesn’t change the fact that the heroes were trying to kill him too. narratively, why was all might in the right for killing him all those years ago when hawks was in the wrong for killing twice? because twice was kinder? because twice was neurodivergent??

mha also a little bit contradicts itself because. hero society is exposed post war arc. civilians have every right to be mad that their current number one is an abuser and that the heroes failed and couldn’t protect them. but theeeen, we have ochako’s speech in which she yells at scared civilians that “the heroes are the ones who are getting dirty!” which is like. yeah. they are. but during and post the war arc civilians also very much died. i feel for izuku but at first glance if someone promised you a safe haven from being attacked and then said oh never mind we’re actually going to bring the one guy shigaraki can absolutely track and hunt down here because he’s tired of fighting, getting upset with that is not totally unreasonable.

and I get that civilians are supposed to get mad at heroes for being corrupt, but not for failing, because heroes should never have been put up on such a high pedestal. they should be seen as humans who are as fallible as everyone else. that doesn’t change the fact the average innocent person would be rightfully scared, because it’s not just the heroes who are getting dirty. people are getting attacked. the heroes are not saving everyone. they shouldn’t have to and there’s no way they realistically can, but picking and choosing which aspects of hero society people are allowed to criticize feels…meh. if there’s gonna be fallout, fallout that endeavor and hawks if not the rest deserve, there should be proper fallout.

i don’t think the UA kids should be treated as full-fledged heroes because they’re not, but their age should not be the one thing that makes them better than the current heroes. they’re liable to the same mistakes and the same fallings. or they would be had they not all been portrayed from the beginning as one big happy hopeful crowd who just wanna save the day! there was opportunity to show who was in it for the right and wrong reasons and somehow ochako who has been so poorly written for several seasons actually had the most relevant arc (besides bakugo) about being in the hero business for the right reasons. ochako should have interned with hawks ochako should have interned with hawks ochako should have interned with there should’ve been more students in it for the glory, for the money, for the fame, but even monoma from class b and mineta are apparently true heroes! is being a high schooler all it takes??

anyway this is all jumbled and a mess but mha should’ve made hero society far more corrupt to justify its dismantling is my point. right now we’re getting a vibe of “the heroes are just as bad as the villains if they don’t save them too” and that’s just like. objectively not true. if hawks was supposed to be an assassin for hire for the hero commission, we should’ve seen him kill people aside from the guy who could’ve turned the tides of the war, at the very least actually kill best jeanist to finish his mission. if toga wanted to preach about how the heroes are just as bad because they killed jin, it falls flat when she’s on machia’s back stomping on people and then killing an old lady to talk to ochako. the heroes should try to save everyone including the villains because that’s what heroism is, but they are not equally as bad as the villains for trying to stop the villains.

the hero commission in general is just like afo, a vague villain we can blame so that we don’t have to blame the underlings. if people discriminate against animal quirks we should’ve seen it way earlier with shoji and tsu and tokoyami, maybe really expanded on it once mirko and hawks and even the dog cop were introduced. if sooo many heroes were in this for the wrong reasons, where are they? the current “failings” of the hero system are all might, endeavor, hawks, lady nagant and bakugo. everyone else is fine! there was a chance to show that someone like mount lady isn’t a real hero because she only cares about fame. there was a chance to show that aizawa is a good hero compared to others because he doesn’t try and seek glory. but these points are only halfway done and then kinda left there.

[justallihere]

GIRLIE YOU BETTER BE READY TO READ THIS ESSAY!!!!!!

I love how sentient the shadows are in this chapter. Its like they have a mind of their own and I'm here for it. Those shadows are hers now, not Xadens LMAO Mira's eye is going to twitch every time she sees them hanging around her baby sister

so satisfying we got to read how Pierce screamed to death and Xaden needed to relive that memory to keep himself in check

Vi basically kicking Mira out and admitting the room is also his??? I bet X was jumping for joy when he heard that

X is literally ready to shut down/hurt anyone who remotely upsets his wife. He has no fucks to give, doesn't care if it's her bsf, sister, or brother. anyone can be on his shit list and on the flip side, make her happy and he will do whatever that person asks lmao

SO MUCH PHYSICAL TOUCH IM CRYING

The hair conversation had my heart aching, X affirming that its V's body and its okay to be upset about the prospect of it being cut against her will!!!! (wonder if V is getting whiplash from the venin convo and how ppl took away her autonomy bc it's her body, her signet, her choices)

I can't even imagine the bickering that X and Tairn were having and how tired Sgayel must have been listening to these two

Did X's heart break when V thought she wasn't worth it and wouldn't come to save her? Liam really did keep her going and was so confident that X would save HER

She’d misunderstood him once before on this, and he couldn’t let her again

SOBBING!!!! THEY TOUCHED FOREHEADS. Honestly, that can be so much more intimate/impactful than a kiss imo

“Like. . .” He turned his head just enough so that his nose skimmed her cheek. “Everything has shifted since I met you. You are the center of my world—you’re the thing I orbit around. Of course I would come for you. I would do anything for you. You’re everything to me, Vi.”  “Don’t—“ A choked sob got caught in her throat. “Don’t say that.”  “Why? It’s the truth

“I love you, Violet Sorrengail,” he admitted. “I’m in love with you. You can’t get rid of me, in this life or any other. I’ll follow you through them all.” 

In every universe, they are soulmates. I will die on that hill!!! That thing in my chest ACHED when I read this part. I think I've re-read it at least 5 times 😭😭😭😭 He finally said I LOVE YOU TO HER. He didnt and wouldn't allow any room for misunderstanding!!!!! Its all on V now!!! and thats okay!!! X will be patient bc he loves her

Was this the chapter where he kisses her forehead and wipes her tears away 🥺 I love them so much, your honor

HE GOT TO SLIP HIS HAND UNDER HER SHIRT!!!!!! UGH MY HEART I CAN'T WITH THEM

Rhi is so snarky and I love her for it. She might be X's #1 hater (Mira is up there) and I am here for it. I hope we get to see these two bicker

WALK HIM LIKE A DOG SIS, WALK HIM LIKE A DOG

He would do whatever she asked

Xaden is so soft in this chapter and I love you for showing this side of him

He caught her as she buried her face against his shoulder. “Hi, Sloane,” he said gently. 

Everyone loves/fears Vi more than him and X is fully aware and okay with it

“Is that my entry fee?” Xaden asked dryly. “My wife?” 

I feel like everyone is going to be hovering around Vi once she is up and walking around (We all know Xaden is going to LITERALLY be her shadow)

Imogen and the one kitchen lady (forget her name) will be constantly feeding her and fretting that shes gotten too thin and needs to eat.

In summary: FOREHEAD KISSES GALORE, THE CUDDLING, X finally sleeping bc his wife is safe and home?????

you are amazing and i love this fic and you <3

I am always ready for all of your comments let’s do this

Mira has been around Xaden and Violet for two seconds and she’s over it. Like why is he looking at her baby sister that way? Why does Violet like it? Why is she defending him? Make it stop!!

Violet didn’t want anything to do with Pierce’s death, she just wanted to go home, but Xaden enjoyed it for sure

Listen Xaden doesn’t care. Has never cared. Won’t ever care. If anyone upsets Violet, their relationship to her is inconsequential, he won’t let it happen 😭

Xaden is about to learn the hard way that it’s Violet’s body and choice when she starts doing shit he doesn’t want her to do. Start praying for him

Sgaeyl having to intervene between Xaden and Tairn was NOT on her bingo card and yet here she is. Mediating fights between her mate and her rider over some tiny human she won’t even admit she likes

The forehead touch! The forehead kiss! The love confession! Xaden touching her skin directly to ground them both! I’m unwell!

Thank you ily 🩷🩷🩷

[cramathonn]

This isn’t a request but a brainrot moment bc I carnally need Pompey as a playable agent so imagine,,,

They find a way to reverse engineer the Ether corruption effects but it leaves the person in their half ethereal state so Pompey has half of the characteristics of his Ethereal form and he’s just huge😳 might be a tank/fucking unit, maybe attack?

And story-wise it’s said in the description that he wanders around slaying ppl who go against the outer rings etc saying it’s probably half of the subconscious of Pompey still in there so if he DOES get back to half of his old self he doesn’t take back the mantel of “Overlord” bc he’s deeply upset with his current form and what had happened to him so he becomes this sorta mythical legend/monster said to be the guardian of the Outer Ring and hunts down Lucius relentlessly

I’m on a Pompey brainrot I NEED HIM PLAYABLE I’D SACRIFICE MY RIGHT ARM FOR HIM TO BE PLAYABLE I WANNA DRAW CONCEPT ART OF THE IDEAAAA

Anon

Anon I hear you

But he wouldn't not return to his old post due to shame, but due to respect for Caesar's achievement. As much as I love the idea of Pompey continuing to roam around as a half Etheral, he most likely wouldn't for a couple of reasons:

1- he is a protector, not an avenger, so he'd most likely want to stay near Caesar to both aid her as the new Overlord and to keep an eye on the operatings of the Outer Ring to ensure its safety;

2- Ether Companies in the city would go crazy wanting to get their hands on Pompey. Not only them but medical and research companies too. Imagine, the first ever corrupted Etheral to ever return to a semblance of its human identity, it would certainly catch the eyes of big and small companies, forcing him into hiding;

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But Cram! You said he's the protector! Wouldn't the risk of putting others at risk make him decide to roam around in order to protect others?" and to that I say yes and no. While yes, he would think that and he absolutely would just leave in the middle of the night with a very well written note only explaining why he's leaving, do you really think Caesar would let that be? Nuh-uh, I'm 100% sure that that girl would hunt Pompey down and convince him to stay by her and the Sons of Calydon's side because, not only would they he able to protect him better, having the protection of the current Overlord AND the current most powerful biker gang in the Outer Ring would most likely lessen the ammount of people after him

And gosh, about his design, yes you're so right

From what I remember from my battles with him, he remains roughly the same height. But ohhh, now I wanna sketch that SOOOO bad

Damn you anon, you woke up the brainworms/silly

But I see your vision, I hear your desperate cries and I might make something (as in, draw) about this later

[rawbin-hsr]

The previous anon articulated it so well bc I just saw what they're talking about and I'm honestly confused why they thought u were saying anything wrong like 😭😭 are we sure we have the same guy here? Aventurine while yes knows what being loved feels like, he's gone through enough things and changes in life that that little frame of reference won't serve him well, especially within a romantic context bc he doesn't have ANY reference.

I read what you wrote as him not really meaning to (even reread) and yeah, he wouldn't Purposely want to be abusive to his romantic partner, but it still borders on it. What a lot of ppl get wrong is that, emotional abuse doesn't have to always mean the perpetrator is fully aware of it themself.

Maybe bc I myself have bpd, but it's so easy to see. When someone's avoiding negative feelings they have about themself (jealousy, insecurity etc) they can easily externalize this blame (and for him, that's so much more likely, it's literally a defense mechanism) or even, projecting his own view of himself on how you view him only to end up upset. (And then, the random clinginess that comes after this pushing away, why would it happen if not for trying to convince you to stay even though what he keeps doing is generally not a good thing to do in a relationship?) He wouldn't have known healthy attachment, didn't grow up with a safety net to be comfortable with that, hell, he thinks people closest to him (in canon) are sort of "tolerating" him. Are we really surprised?

Like, you never said aventurine is doing it with intent or even awareness bc yea he isn't!! He'd realize some of his actions sure, but stuff like "pushing you away" is probably shit he genuinely considers good for you, and it's not even like completely wrong he's in a high and risky position. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like a mf, and I think that's the biggest tragedy of it all, because he doesn't fully realize how bad his actions are from another pov, and it's not like a single Convo can get him to understand that.

Anyway, sorry that was a lot more incoherent than I thought and I was firmly stating a lot of things bc I can pull up stuff to back my claim but ALSO bc they pissed me off if u don't like something just scroll I've been doing that for years on this app I never felt the need to go yell at someone bc I don't agree with how they interpret a character 😒😒😒😒 I hope ur feeling better, rsd sucks ass I always get so overwhelmed whenever I experience it but ur intent came across very clearly actually dw

I’m literally in tears I’m so grateful multiple people are taking the time to reassure me thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹 I was really doubting myself and my own take on him, it makes me feel so relieved I’m not the only one who has this specific take on him haha I was lowkey worrying I was a terrible person for a moment there 😭

And yes, exactly !!!! I think you were very coherent in this, in fact I think you formulated what I meant to say better than I did 😭😭 Like there’s a lot, a LOT of nuance to it !!! He never does it out of malice. He just doesn’t know any better. He tries to do what’s right and what’s best for you, he’s just… kind of not good at that because his whole perspective is skewed.

I do still think they were right that I shouldn’t have used the word ‘abuse’. It’s a very loaded term, and I think abuse requires a power dynamic, which is something I think he would try to eliminate in a relationship. Like, yes, he is a powerful man and he sort of needs some leverage to stay in control (of both his own life and his relationship with you), but I think he fucking hates the idea of being “above you” in any way. (Though to be fair he still could unintentionally create an uneven power dynamic — he’s the one mostly in charge of when the two of you interact. I think he loathes himself even more when he realises that.) I think it would be best to stick to the word “toxic” because it feels most fitting from my pov

[my-castles-crumbling]

Oh my godddd do I need ur advice Cassssssssss! So in my friend group with have this mildly sexist joke, of whenever an annoying man does something irritating, we say “ugh men suck”. I am conscious that an “ugh women suck” would offend our group and therefore we’re hypocritical, but to be fair, we say it when men randomly sexualise us, they say it when women cry… so? Anyway, the other day, me (im a girl btw), and two of my other friends were hanging out in town. Ones a girl and ones a boy. 

And this guy walks past and catcalls us, and my friend rolls her eyes and goes “ugh men fucking suck”. And my guy friend (who btw him and our other guy friend have said they’re fine with these jokes as long as we don’t act like they’re a part of it? u know) jokingly goes “ouch”. It’s a joke. I knew it was a joke and laughed. He’s respectful and kind and sweet and the type of guy to agree that that type of guy SUCKS.  

BUT MY FRIEND goes; “Oh not you, you don’t count. You’re not a real guy.”

He’s trans.

And I wanted to punch her.

OF FUCKING COURSE HES A GUY. He literally put more effort into being a guy than any other guy you’ve ever met. All other guys are born having to be guys. He had to put the effort in to be called a guy. He’s more guy than any other guy.  

But I didn’t punch her or correct her because knowing my guy friend, I knew he wouldn’t want to bring it up. He sort of looked at me, and me at him, and then there was an awkward silence before we went back to normal.

So we walk home and drop him off at his place and I give him a look, roughly translates to “is it cool if I bring up earlier to her and tell her she made u uncomfty.” and he gives me a look that’s sort of like “u know I hate talking abt this stuff but I don’t want that to happen again so sure, thanks”.

So we’re walking, its just us two now, and as we go I say, “Hey mind if we talk abt something u said today, I don’t think you meant it this way but I think it upset *my guy friend”

And she says sure and looks kinda confused. So I bring up the whole, you’re not a real guy, thing. And she says she didn’t mean it that way. 

So I say, “You know I think you’re really lovely, and it was an accident and all, just for future reference, saying he’s not a real guy, it can cause dysphoria. So he feels like you’re rejecting him being trans and being a guy.”

And she’s goes “But he’s not a guy. He was a girl first so he gets it.” And I go “But he’s always felt like a guy and now he’s presenting as a guy and using male pronouns, so you saying he’s not a real guy is upsetting for him”.

And she goes “But he’s like us so he’s not a real guy.”

So I go “What? He doesn’t have a dick, is that it?” (i’m getting a lil defensive at this point, i’ve known my guy friend for YEARS and she’s a newer friend of like this year- and before this point very lovely, so i’m like confused and annoyed) then i say “Or is it that he’s nice. Did you mean he’s nice, like *our other guy friend who btw isn’t trans*. Not the type to catcall ppl?”

And she goes “Yeah. That. But like, if you think of a guy, you think the sort of body type right? He has our body or whatever. I’m not saying he’s not a guy. Just not a full guy.”

So I go, “No. No he is a ‘full’ guy. He’s as much guy as any other guy. And if you say he’s not- look my point is that saying that sort of thing really upsets him so please don’t in the future.”

And SHE GOES “Well if he has a problem he can tell me himself”. 

GIRL WHAT THE FUCK? Okay look, I love my friends. And i’m not often the type to choose sides because a lot of arguments at 18 are petty ones. But I won’t be friends with this girl if I know she’s going to be transphobic and make one of my closest friends uncomfortable. Even if she doesn’t realise she’s being a transphobe.

So I say “please look this up so you understand why it would upset him. He doesn’t like to talk abt this stuff, but it bothers him”.

And she goes “how do you know it bothers him if he doesn’t talk abt it.”

And yes this could be genuine, if she finds it tough to read emotions on ppls faces, so I tried to be fair in answering.

I go, “Well, he seemed upset when you said it. And that sort of comment has been said to him before, and in private he’s mentioned that he doesn’t like it.”

We’ve had long talks abt the way it bothers him. But she doesn’t need to know that. He hates talking to ppl he’s not really close to abt this stuff since they can swerve any second (like this girl now).

So she goes “If he can tell u, why can’t he tell me?” And I go “He’s just more comfortable around me since we’ve known each other so long.”

(i would like to add in here, we are very good friends but also not the type to leave ppl out. She didn’t have a “reason” for her comment or a reason to be mad. We were all chatting all day. Never left her out. Just because we’ve known her less long, it didn’t bother me or him. There was no duo in a trio thing all day- I only brought up our closer relationship now since it seemed like a good way to explain it to her) 

And she goes “Oh my god so you knew him before he transitioned then? What’s his deadname?”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK! 

I go silent. Then I say “I’ve known him a long time.” And then I go silent again and she doesn’t say anything and we walk the remaining like two- three minutes to her place. My house is like five minutes from there, it’s the exact way so it’s not like I could’ve gone a dif route. 

So yeah. That happened. 

So I text my guy friend once i’m home and give him the debrief.

He ends up deciding he doesn’t want to make this a thing. She’s friends with our bigger group- which is like 9-10 ppl- so he doesnt want to cause anything, even tho they’d all happily explain why she’s being a transphobe. He said he didn’t want her to feel ganged up on.

HES TOO NICE. WHAT THE HELL.

So I text him; “if she says anything else transphobic i’ll do my best to explain it to her and have her stop but if it becomes more than one more comment I think we should consider her friendship cause I know you’ll be uncomfortable and I don’t want to be friends with a transphobe.”

So yeah. Look I get that partly it’s not fair. She wasn’t raised somewhere where they’d teach her this stuff. She doesn’t understand that she’s being transphobic. But also, she should look this stuff up and listen when I tell her, instead of disregarding me when i’m tryna help. 

But I also really want to get through to her. But most importantly I want my guy friend to be comfortable around his friends. But he’s way to nice to bring up what she said to everyone else (they would not approve either). 

Hi!

Oh, wow.

Okay, first, I want to commend you for approaching this where you're trying not to make your guy friend uncomfortable while still being an ally. Genuinely, it sounds like you're a fantastic friend, and you're trying hard to listen to his needs.

This is so hard, because at first, I was like- oh! The other friend is just ignorant. A lot of people who make comments like that are ignorant, and like...even as a trans person, I can see the twisted way of thinking that ted to those comments.

But then, after being gently and kindly corrected, the friend doubled down, and THAT is the problem.

People are allowed to make mistakes, especially when they may have been raised with a set of views. But to double down like that is where I take issue, and I think you're right to take issue as well.

HOWEVER:

This is first and foremost, your guy friend's battle. If he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, you need to respect his wishes. You're absolutely correct (and very smart by realizing) that these comments can cause dysphoria, which is awful. But it could be that your guy friend wants to cope with that by not acknowledging it. And that's valid.

So I think the right thing to do is to not bring this specific issue up unless he asks. But if your other friend says generally transphobic things, I think it's okay to correct them if you feel comfortable. So like, if your other friend says "'Guy friend' is emotional like a girl." then I would wait for your guy friend's permission to say something. But if she says like.. "Trans people should have to go to the bathroom of their gender assigned at birth," then you can speak up. You can also choose on your own to take space from this other friend.

You can also be there for your guy friend by reminding him that you know those comments are not okay, and you support him however he needs.

I know it's a lot to think about, but I really think you're doing a great job. Write back with updates! I'm naming you commendable anon in case you do!