#i get to leave this fucking job. im happy and sad about it. but mostly happy

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Putting in my two week's notice tomorrow!!!!!!!

[sunsetkerr]

dont wanna be depressing, but how do you deal with parenting your dad?

- 💛 (anon who parents both parents)

hi my love, welcome 💛

I’m more than happy to dive into this, but it's gonna be longggg so I will put this under the cut so I don’t get too sad on main lol, but- quick tw beforehand: heavy drug addiction, anxiety disorder, smoking, drinking, infidelity, parenting your parents, absent father and mentions of suicidal thoughts.

quick backstory! my parents were very on and off throughout my entire childhood. my dad cheated on my mum a total of 13 times, what a guy! my mum? literally the most girl boss, resilient woman I have ever met. worked 3 jobs whilst she was pregnant because my dad was on meth and ice at the time.

so my parents finally broke up for the last time when I was eight.

I saw my dad once a week, until he blew up on me for wanting to call my mum to say goodnight, on the night of my 10th birthday. he went ballistic at me and after that, I didn't leave the house apart from school for a year because I would have panic attacks every time I went somewhere.

my dad is very embarrassing. he's not just emotionally abusive to me, but to his mum, sister and my cousins (without realising the extent of his actions). he is very 'poor me, I'm the vicitm' which is something I have noticed recently.

I really am the only person that my dad has. he now realises that because I'm an adult now, he cannot treat me like a little kid, because I will leave. I dont tolerate that behaviour, I am not as forgiving as my mother.

last year, my dad blew up on my grandad who is 81 and has dementia. my grandma and him haven't spoken since. a few nights ago, my dad rang me around 8pm, and I instantly thought 'what does he want now?'. because he only calls me when needs/wants something.

my dad is on the phone drunk and ends up getting onto the topic of my grandma not speaking to him. he's crying on the phone to me, tells me how he was going to k*ll himself when I was a kid, but that I was the only thing keeping him alive. very fucked, a lot to put on your 20 year old daughter.

he says that he needs my help to repair his relationship with my grandma, and everyone else. that he knows he can always count on me.

it's a sad thing to have to parent your 51 year old father, and have those big hurtful conversations about what he's done wrong and trying to keep him in check. but it's the reality for lots of us! know that you're completely not alone in this. I am really lucky that I have the best mum in the world, she is my best friend and I would definitely be a different person if I didn't have her to rely on.

so to hear that you have to parent both of your parents is really upsetting and im so sorry. im sorry you've had to grow up so quickly, because that is mostly the case in these scenarios. my biggest tip would be to look after you. it's okay to break down, I did the other night for the first time in a while.

its really hard to talk to people about it, because lots of people dont get it. my boyfriend grew up with a classic white-picket fence family and has no idea how to handle the things that I say to him about my dad, but he's trying.

as long as you are getting some kind of support, you will be okay. and if you're not, make time to support yourself. remember, you are the only person that you have forever. you start your life with your parents, but your life doesn't end with them- your life ends with you, so take care of you.

im really sorry that this is reality for you. im sending you so much love, and if you ever need someone to vent to about parenting your parents (or anything else) I'm here <3 thank you for feeling comfortable enough to reach out to me.

[clownhonkbonk]

to any interested here are my reactions i remembered to write down for the magnus archives in it's entirety :3 it's not too many bUt this is what you get

the episode numbers are written with them!!

ft me trying to understand the story with a great deal of pain writing on my phone in my notes app mostly at 1 am

REACTIONS 👀

56 sub statment thinf w martin

avtually got tears in my eyes. i love you martin. i love you jon. im so happy he just went " avtually, im rather relieved " or whatever bc hell yes girl u are so unwell.

this show is so addicting.

57

OMG 28 DAYS LATER MENTION!!!! THE END IS EXTREMLY FUCJING NEIGH!!! not the reference but excited

spooky.

WAY too attached to them

58

only just skipped the add and " episode Fifty-Eight. Trail Rations" And immediately went " oh NO !! cannibalism :( " and the read the description like LMAOO everytime there's anything relating to food in this podcast i just go " oh no it's cannibalisim "

holy shit it's a woman cannibal, diversity WIN

WHAT THE FUCK I REALISED WHATS HAPPENING WHEN THEY'RE BOTH DEAD

benjamin wtf homie this is NOT good bedroom foreplay

ouuugg auch good writing.

i understand the possible cannibalisim thing now

YES JON OFC THEY R WORRIED ABT YOU YOU DUNBASS IM CRYING PLS

at lwast he doesn't think it's martin as much anymore ❓❓❓❓

i NEEEED to stop going through s1 animatics but QOW this fanvase is awesome i love all the designs.. i used to think martin and tim were the same person for a few episodes

65

honestly hell yeah tim. shout at jon for being weird. but also sike you can't leave.

66

insane.

81

ok im like halfway through this but like so for the deities / entities that r silly

we got

eyes, spider, diseases / insects ( though they maybe different ) and meat maybe???? maybe there's just three..

83

oh oh the guys r all core fears / most common fears, one extra is THE STRANGER OOOOoooOooooO

84

i love you martin for filling in n trying to take over for jon ur such a cutie

idk how much i believe that elias did it but like all evidence does point to that

86

actually love their lil dynamic. cuties.

103

OUUUGH JON WHAT THE FUCK DID U USE UR BRAIN POWERS ON HIM WTFFFFF

104

martin is getting spaceyyyyy uh oh.... be careful bb..

107

jon have you been DRUGGED?!?! (8:00)

jon bb mayb take a break you seem to be like having iron deficiency LMAOO

111

ok we got 14 whores of the universe

1 end - death

2 eyes

3 vertigo

4 the stranger

5 the spiral - madness

6 isolation - fear of being alone / seperated form ppl

7 burning/fire

8 the desolation

9 the slaughter violence

10 the web - also being manipulated

11 the vast

12 filth disease insexts

13 claustrophobia

14 darkness

the meat ❓❓❓

124

OUUUGH HE LITERALLY DITCHED THE RECORDING JUST TO RUN AFTER MARTIN the gays r getting to me

126

WHAT HTEH FUCKKK !>??!?!?!? !??

bro this is NOT therapy. bro ham lukas peter you dickwad what the fuuuuuuuuuuuck.

ISOLATION??????????????????????? WHY IS THE ISOLATION GOD POKING AT MARTIN ?!?!?!?!?!?!??! DICKWAD??!?!?! ?criyng asobbign why

i actually low key love lukas " dynamic duo " is sO funny sjkdjk

martin i miss u come back it;s not woRTH ITTTTTT

fuck i draw jon like trent crimm if he was a twig and gayer and green

131

i physically recalled at the start they've IMPROOOVED their aUDIO... fucking crazy.

also bitches be bitching ( jon AND melane )

honestly fuck yeah helen girl

133

girl is dealing wth SOOO much trauma poor girl........... jeez.

cannot stop thinkin about martin :(

i miss tim.

134

WOOOO MARTIN

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH HE LEFT THE TAPES FOR JON WTF

the buried / cave

the end

the corruption / filth

the dark

the desolation

the eye

the flesh

the hunt

the lonely

the slaughter

the spiral

the stranger

the vast

the web

135

feeks like they're reading together but w a wall in the way which is sad

142

MARTIN PLEASADEEE

also jon what the fuck please don't be a dick this lovely lade lost her job and gained so much trauma.

143

jon stop using ur thing constantly on people it makes me worried for you and insanely pushes you to not being human.

jon i know she tried to hurt you both but ur being so mean, im WORRIED.

hell YES hellen

144

martin im still upset at you for going " why does no one tell me anything !!!! " while literally avoiding them and asking yhem not to talk to you!!! wtf broham.

anyway loving this story

145

gertrude what a girl holy cow<3

146

IM SO WORRIED ABT MARTIN AND JON GUUUUUUH WHAT THE FUCK.

150

jon u r so self destructive...

151

holy ahit simon fairchild..

154

what the fuck im sobbing what is this good omens bullshit i love it but im crying not really but like heartbreaking????

171

i don't know if jons gonna survive if he doesn't stop getting weird and weirder.

also adorable "is he your boyfriend?!"

" yes actually "

jon what the fuck w u n these flesh flowers

ok hi!! thst was the last one.:3

i didn't write down reactions for further episodes but if we can bring our attention to me writing at some point ( in early season 5 ) in my sketch book " 10 bets jon or martin dies at the end "

[thevalleyoftriumph]

Since I reblogged it from you, here’s what I’m curious abt for your OC’s!!

MY ENTIRE EXPLANATION FOR 11 JUST GOT DESTROYED IM GOING TO KILL TUMBLR. anyways since last ask had an 11 im choosing a different ocverse for this one

11]

hi. um. roblox ocs :3 their lore takes forever to explain so im just gonna explain the characters instead of the plot.

basically theres 3 of them ok.

cody, a noob who loves playing fighting games and helping people get their footing in them. very silly, very kind, and has a bestie thats a guest named horns [horns is my friends oc :3]. cody ALSO has a bit of a slow moving "curse" that is the result of their arm being Fucking Cut Off. its a corruption in their code that is slowly spreading across their body, which will end up with their entire set of code and body being Basically unraveled from the inside out in a way thats Worse than death ! :D they spend most of their time trying to figure out a way to undo that while still being the same happy person. they see blade [other oc] as a brother figure once the two meet!

blade is a bounty hunter of sorts, who goes after exploiters to make the world safer for people, thanks to his own experiences as a kid with exploiters. he is VERY good at his job, having been training since he was a younger teen, and has been doing his job for anywhere from 15-20 years [havent decided.] his current target is inkcap, his childhood friend and previous crush. its a whole thing. also, hes the one who saved cody from being COMPLETELY killed during their exploiter encounter!

inkcap is . well. the exploiter mentioned previously. instead of their encounter with exploiters driving it to better itself and help others, its trauma [and also blade leaving it when they were both 15 to go on his first mission, and then just. never coming back] had led it to lean into its trauma, and learn the same exploits that hurt it, and more. it decides that if it couldnt be happy anymore, if it lost everything and everyone it loved, then no one else should be able to have these things - because no one tried helping it when it needed it. its the one who attacked cody, and the one blade is currently hunting down - but inkcap is sneaky, and good at its own "job," being the most infamous exploiter - and for good reason.

the whole story with these three is the different ways people deal with trauma, mostly the.. unhealthy ways, and their very, VERY slow path to healing and getting better. it has a happy ending! it just takes a long time to get there. they all have a Lot of stuff to work through.

12] pick a fav

OK THATS THE THING I GENUINELY CANT.

theyre all equally loved as a whole because i adore them, but in terms of different catagories, THEN theres favs, so just. choose whichever one you think is most valid.

for drawing, i LOVE cody. theyre so simple and cute to draw i have little doodles of them in Every notebook and sketchbook. i like drawing them with my friends oc. :3

for actual design, i LOOOVE inkcap. inkcap is my beloved their design is sooo <333 pretty

for LORE.... i love blade the most SORRYYY his whole deal makes me sick in the head

19] describe the sillies you think about that dont go in the story

I HAVE OTHER ROBLOX OCS FOR UMM. A THEORETICAL GAME. theyre not related to those threes^ story at all so they count for this question lol

theyre another noob/guest duo, agon and unnamed/default [both are interchangeable]. since i do one day wanna make their game a reality i wont go Too into detail but they live in a mountain town and are besties who have Something going on and theyre super sweet to each other and are bestest friends Ever ever but then default goes MISSING one day and NEVER COMES BACK and agon has to DEAL with it and gets all SAD and um. yeah :]

20] how have they horribly mangled your message/theme

they would either villainise inkcap to hell into an irredeemable villain, OR turn blade into a budget cop. i hate it so bad but thats just what would happen.

THAT or theyd completely IGNORE the message of the story being about healing from trauma and how some coping mechanisms are unhealthy and turn it into like. a classic "everyone just gets over it" thing and turn the whole trilogy into a shitty action film and ignore the characters trauma and their paths towards healing and it would be so bad and oh god oh god . puts my head in my hands.

theyd also probably turn inkcap into a girl and cody into a boy so like. not a story mishap but a general fuckup theyd do because of how inkcap is an it/they w a romance plot w blade [and also their character model has the "girl torso" from the blocky character pack on roblox] and cody is a they/them with a masc name.

[golbrocklovely]

since twitter's dying....

here's the last bit of colby's tweets from 2019.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

~~~~~~~~~~~

@/badboywolfy: Country Road gonna go down in history as a cult classic

Dec. 1 - you know it

in the middle of it all

Dec. 4 - i’ve never felt more connected to the universe than i have this past week. it’s the weirdest thing

Dec. 8 - something’s watching over me

Dec. 10 - seeing MCR perform live in 10 days and i am definitely not okay

@/andrearussett: IM SO JEALOUS

i’ll send you a video of me in the pit

Dec. 11 - i loveeee twitter (reply to someone who said something mean, i assume. bc even i back then didn't get to see the tweet lol)

i want a hairless cat

Dec. 12 - sorry truth, dyin young, demon youth

(okay from this point down, it's mostly all fans asking questions, so whatever is indented is his response)

@/ColbyBrock i hope you know that we love you a lot

Dec. 16 - and i love you all too

@/ColbyBrock how is your mental health?

Dec. 17 - you know, life always has its ups and downs and it’s been super stressful recently to be honest. but i’m happy! and that’s all that matters. things are getting better

what's the first emo song you can think of off the top of your head (the tweet said something like this, but has been deleted since)

Dec. 18 - from first to last - emily

favorite series so far

definitely the one we just filmed ! it just gets more and more intense .. i hope you’re ready

@/ColbyBrock what’s one thing you’re looking forward to in 2020 ?

focusing on positives, leaving the negative people and comments behind

(haha......... IF THEY ONLY KNEW)

@/ColbyBrock what’s ur advice for 2020

i wanna challenge people to work on spreading love instead of hate 🖤 not really advice hahah but i think the internet has turned into a darker place this past year, and i really want people to think before they speak or tweet or whatever. spread love !

@/ColbyBrock do you think you’ll dye your hair a different color soon

hahah every single day i get people wanting something different. i’ve just learned to stick with what makes me happy .. but always open to suggestions 👀👀 maybe a dark purple next ?

@/ColbyBrock do you have any plans for your birthday yet

nah. i’ve been so busy i haven’t even thought about my birthday

@/ColbyBrock do you ever get nightmares about being haunted?

all the time. my minds been fucked.. not to scare anyone but i’ve been in so many dark places and after awhile it sticks with you in a way

@/ColbyBrock do you have any regrets about past videos or are you proud of everything you’ve put out?

i’m insecure about so many videos of me on the internet i wish you all knew

(he really knows how to make me sad....)

@/ColbyBrock what do you think about us? the fandom?

i LOVE you guys. you’re hilarious. all i can ask is if people will try to get along and be kind to each other. you’re all my family, leave the negativity and mean comments behind

@/ColbyBrock you should get a dog.

ugh i wish. i wouldn’t be able to love it and care for it like i’d want to or like it would deserve

@/ColbyBrock do you ever get annoyed of us?

hahah not in the slightest. but some of you can say some pretty mean things which i try to ignore now. no point of me giving that attention ya know ? love you all tho no matter what. say whatever you want

we love you colby and im sorry abt the mean people

it’s okay 🖤 90% of people are super nice and dope and that’s all that matters. comes with the job i guess

@/ColbyBrock are you answering questions for a youtube video but giving answers now and reading the reactions??

nope! sometimes it’s fun to just respond to as many people as i can. it’s been a while

@/ColbyBrock would you rather look at the stars or listen to the rain?

i like this. probably watch the stars with someone special

@/ColbyBrock what is your favorite thing to do on your free time? do you like to write? or anything?

believe it or not i’m kinda a loner .. i like to spend time by myself. usually just listening to music or watching dumb videos on YT

@/ColbyBrock if you could say something to your younger self, what would it be?

stop being so insecure kid , you’re okay

what's one thing we don't know about you? (or something like that)

i don’t have it all together like people think. every day is a journey to find myself, and that’s okay!

@/ColbyBrock I'm dying to know… Do you write poems?

maybe a lil here and there 🤐

@/ColbyBrock whats your advice when you’re in a kind of dark spot atm 🙈

take one step at a time. everyday needs to be a work in progress. or at least that’s what i’ve been trying lately

@/ColbyBrock did you dip

i’m about to , it’s getting late. love you all tho. was good talking

i wake up sad for no reason. why?

Dec. 21 - i think i’m gunna try to hibernate for the rest of the year i’ll let you know how it goes

Dec. 23 - i’m so much like my mom , we’re like the same person it’s weird

Really im more like my dad are u a dads boy or a moms boy for me i think ur a moms boy#loveyoucolby

definitelyyyy a mommas boy

Dec. 25 - i still sit at the kids table during christmas even though i’m almost 23 years old

Dec. 26 - you deserve the world !

Dec. 27 - sorry for your loss, im glad you’re ‘over it’.. it’s super interesting how people can choose when they wanna let go. shows you and teaches you a lot about the power of the human mind in my opinion (reply to fan)

i’m looking back at pictures of me in the trap house and damn i went through a chunky phase 🤣curse you taco bell

Dec. 28 - just watched a bunch of old VHS tapes of when i was only 1 year old .. life’s a trip i’m emotional

if i can help, that’s all i want

[skinnymeanfaggot]

🌙,🙉, and 👑 for anim, 🌈, 💔, and 🌌 for javier, and ❤️ for both?

so for anim:

greatest wish: depressingly but for the most of their life it would be to be completely reborn as someone else. just throw it all away. when theyre older it would be more of just wishing everything with harper just never happened, because they wouldnt want to lose their time with javier

hear no evil: this gets sad. basically anything harper says deals anim psychological damage to the max but especially him calling them a boy not only due to dysphoria reasons but just the bad associations with him and being his. really anyone saying it but with him its the worst

ultimate worst thing is to hear that they arent needed/not good enough. its the fear of abandonment and stems from the bit of "nothing i do seems to make him happy" and their worst fear at that time was upsetting him/pissing him off or just not being loved by him basically. cant relate btw this isnt based off anything.

both harper and zora have said this or stuff like this too it kinda puts anim in a frenzy where theyre like "ill do whatever you want" and is basically desperate to be good enough in their eyes. which obviously leads to bad things. just shit that leads to the fear of abandonment.

they are TERRIFIED of javier saying this and he would NEVER EVER because they are the light of his life but theyre so scared all of the time but finally they learn that like, hell always love them and they dont have to worry about that. but it still is just their worst fear basically.

what to be remembered as: so with their job of like doing undercover murdery things and in general having a low profile, they dont have any big grandiose dreams. probably did as a kid, wanted to be famous and popular and all that but mostly now anim doesnt think of legacy. obviously doesnt want to be forgotten by everyone or anything but yeah. i think they would at least want to leave a lasting positive effect on their loved ones. they want to be remembered as a good role model for kylin or someone who was good to her. which they get that wish for

javier:

what he would tell his younger self: basically when he was younger he had this complex of Everyone has to like me So much all of the time or else im worthless and so he would totally tell himself to fucking chill on that. because obviously it led to a lot of bad shit like toxic relationships and over extending himself and the inevitable devastation of not being perfect. he was always somewhat aware that how his mom treated him wasnt fair or ok but still had this underlying issue of "if i cant get validation from her i just need to get it from literally everyone else ever" and he would tell his younger self that like hey, no. seek help

what his partner could do to break his heart: pretty standard stuff like cheating on him, leaving, saying they dont love him basically. for anim specifically it would be more like going back on the progress theyve made like going back to work for zora, leaving him for zora god forbid, or accusing him of not loving them or trying to use them.

inspiration: so i dont remember when i decided to make jamie and kyra half siblings but literally. was honestly fucking like "kind of whorish for a man to have kids with two different women :/" so he was a designated slut from the start. he wasnt supposed to exist as a character he didnt have a name he was literally just jamie and kyras whore dad. and then i tripped and listened to the exit one too many times and was like what if he was MORE than just a whore.... what if he had SUBSTANCE.... and it went from there

love languages: for both DEFINITELY words of affirmation and physical touch and quality time. theyre both very touchy and cuddly and at the very least they like to sit next to each other and be in each others presence. theyre also both insecure and sad so words of affirmation are good but javier is really good at waxing poetic and just saying how much he loves them. anim is more practical and less verbal. like a cat. theyll do things for him that show they really care. and i think they both give gifts but javier does it a lot and likes to get them both things he knows theyll like and things that are meaningful. so theyre very lovey and they also have a lot of sex

[tomfoolies]

so, uh. here’s something i’ve been working on a hot minute; the timeline of myself in parks and rec, and how i fit into the story! and it’s only part one.... strap yourselves in folks. it’s a ride! but i’ve loved writing this while watching the show!

> i start my new job at the city hall right after the government shutdown. the camera crew decided that they’d start to film me as well, as they want to see what i can bring into the show and how i fit into the work community after mark’s departure. i catch chris for the first time while they film me and im like ”huh? who’s that? interesting…”. leslie finds me almost immediately afterwards, because of course she’s curious to see who took mark’s job. and fortunately for both of us, we hit it off really well so she invites me to visit the parks and rec department as often as possible. aka starting from tomorrow because she will make me cookies as a welcome present and she will show me around the city hall as well as take me to eat the best waffles and–

> i also point out to the crew that i really want to mingle with people because at my previous job nobody really wanted to be friends because it was a private firm, there was a lot of competition between everyone and it was… just not a good workplace. plus i don’t have that many friends anyways because all my old friends live in finland. so i’m more than happy that leslie came along and i already like her. 

> i guide the twilight fanatic to the correct department so i kind of make it my fault. and start hanging out there, at first to see the mess unfold, and because i also love twilight. also me n chris meet by the pretzel stand at the end of the episode because duh. i love a good pretzel. and when he leaves… i might be a liddol bit sad.

> me and ben bond over not understanding the lil sebastian hype. and throughout the harvest festival i’m seen eaten cotton candy. like. in all the scenes. even before the festival has started. i fucking love cotton candy. 

> then chris comes back and im like Oh. HELLO. good day sir. perhaps we stumble upon each other at work when everyone else is on the camping trip, so it’s casual and easy. also he is starting to catch some feelings towards me….. subconsciously at least.

> also i bring a good cake to april and andy’s wedding instead of what i was assigned (napkins) because i, unlike everyone else, foresaw chris’ inability to bring an actual cake. nobody is impressed by it, though. mostly just mad i didn’t get the napkins.

> leslie tells about the stuff that went down with tom and chris’ reaction to it. it throws me off but i try to play it casually and then for a while things get a bit awkward with him. but he doesn’t notice it, someone else has to point it out. maybe andy, without realizing? so that makes chris think...

> also ben would actually move to my place because i have a spare room and he prefers more… adult-like company. and we’d bond a bit more and he’d tell me about his thing with leslie because i am “the kind of person you just want to tell your darkest secrets to without being prompted” (his words, not mine). and we’d help andy and april be grown ups together. besties energy!!!

> the snake juice episode is more me and chris bonding in the bar because i don’t drink very often either. but me and april have an argument, her blackout drunk in spanish and me just… being me, in finnish. nobody knows why we started but we just keep doing it and somehow understanding one another. i swear it would be pretty funny. and of course, haul some of the gang home, it wont be just donna’s job!

> after the road trip episode i get sick, i don’t show up to work so chris gets worried and ben my roomie tells chris what’s up. he appears to my apartment with food he recalled me liking (aka things he’d never eat) and i get SO happy, very touched. 

> after that? it’s all a blur. perhaps we get together during the season finale? kind of discreetly, out of nowhere, he’s having his ”i could die anyday now” spiral and i show up and he’s having a realization along the lines of ”if i died before i got to kiss her this life would’ve been a WASTE”. ok it’s a little bit dramatic but in a way that fits us. so. 

> oh yes season finale he actually talks to ME about his problem and anxiety and i actually help him with it and make him feel more at ease and it shows really well how similar we are about health anxiety and just the general outlook in life. and a kiss happens kind of unexpectedly. 

> nobody knows about it at first, just because... it would be a bit too much. 

> also, ben’s the first to find out. and it’d be a very big surprise for him. he doesn’t internalize it for a while. it would be so funny. also we’re just going to ignore the rules about office relationships entirely because i cannot be bothered.

> so i come along to the lunch date as previously discussed and then this scene happens instead IT JUST WORKS aaaand after his treat yourself day ben wears the batman costume at my place bc duh he lives there. but it ends up with me also bringing out my OWN costume. what costume? i don’t know. but i’d have one, whatever it’d be. i don’t have all the details.

> aaaand because ben lives with me he doesnt get into a fight with andy but instead comes to the halloween party in his batman suit encouraged by me but nobody really recognises him/everyone ignores him so he walks around very offended especially after he spots me and chris making out. also i teach chris to dance because he sucks at it (affectionate).

> and of course, we go hang out to the end of the world AND go to the tom and jean ralphio’s party. duh.

> i’d totally hype up andy for being finland in the model UN. FINLAND REP. but also what the fuck are these events. what is the american school system. what is america. i miss finland. without all the lions.

> so. i’ve been a little bit aloof lately and chris wonders why because we’ve been doing so well but now i’m “so busy” and kind of avoiding him, so thats why he launches the investigations. and in the end everyone comes to the conclusion that maybe… he should ASK ME. 

> so in the smallest park episode he finally manages to ask me about it and i tell him that i miss finland. so he suggests that i should go back for a few weeks. also we say i love you…. cute…

> i totally help leslie with the campaign as well for i volunteer to be the design and advertisement manager !!

> and when ben’s depression hits… i’m stuck with him at our place and i call chris for help because i have no idea how to handle a depressed ben and it’s been 5 days and he just keeps getting worse. i mean, he is relatable, but chris help your girl and your bestie out. 

> after that i head to finland for a few weeks. chris’ pretty down for most of the time, so everyone else is trying to cheer him up. he still ends up being the dj for the valentine’s dance and making everyone miserable. UNTIL BOOM BOW I SURPRISE HIM and arrive a bit early. our reunion is very cute and wholesome. that’s why he disappears and leslie thinks he’s cheating on me with ann lmao.

aaaand that’s how far i’ve gotten. we’ll see when/if i manage to continue this. anyways if you got this far you’re a real champ. me and chris are cheering for you xoxo have a great day

[baekhvuns]

Ok, about my life and..updates.

RMR THE WEDDING?? it happened. I ENJOYED SO SO MUCH but it rlly hits u 'oh she's...leaving' LIKE DAMN but anyways about that. I've just been ig, studying again..i took a yr gap AND THT ENTIRE CHAOS THT HAPPENED LAST YR actually tbh, im glad it happened, i got a chance to think what I really wanted, nd if stuff rn is not good, it's definitely better.

Guess, whatever happens, happens for a reason.

So yehh, the exam is like a few days from now JAJSJSJSJ I'm scared 😭. OMG ALSO BESTIE I GOT A JOB!!! I'm so happy 😭😭 (ps one of them is international 😈) nah cuz the brown relations really fucking worked. Other than that, MAN. ATEEZ AT COACHELLA. Fuck.

Actually tbh, I've been a little disconnected from the entire kpop scene, just once in a while enjoying the songs and new things like Coachella performances but like so many new things happened in kpop and idk what to think 😭 Like ITS SO OVERWHELMING we got the hybe drama, ateez at Coachella, new cb, NCT SMOOTHIE??, bp members got solo...so dam yeah.

Another thing, UR GIRL HAS BEEB *OBSESSED* LIKE *OBSESSED* *OBSESSED* WITH DILJIT. Not like i never was But IT GOT STRONGER 😭nah my man so cool honestly nd all his movies are chefs kiss.

ANDD HOW ARE YOU? HOWS EVERYTHING? HOWS LIFE? I hope you're doing good and well, and ur healthy. I miss you so dam much it's crazy, like the only person rn who cn revive my addiction with kpop is you. No questions asked.

And I just checked the updates, the war is still going on....IM SO MAD BROOO it's..so sad i can't even like show my anger all I can do is stay at home and observe. Sucks to be powerless. I'm praying, still am, and will keep praying for the people of gaza. And they will have peaceful nights once again, Amen.

Alright, i shall take my leave but I'll come back, MISS U SO MUCH POOKIE 🫶🫶💞💞💞MWAH!!

THIS IS ALSO VV LATE I JUST DONT GET NOTIFS DROM HERE ANYMORE FOR WHATEVER REASON 😭😭😭

RMR THE WEDDING?? it happened. I ENJOYED SO SO MUCH but it rlly hits u 'oh she's...leaving' LIKE DAMN but anyways about that. I've just been ig, studying again..i took a yr gap AND THT ENTIRE CHAOS THT HAPPENED LAST YR actually tbh, im glad it happened, i got a chance to think what I really wanted, nd if stuff rn is not good, it's definitely better. Guess, whatever happens, happens for a reason.

omg i hope ur outfits slayed! yeah no that part just randomly hits ur frontal lobe and everything just goes 📉,, AAAAAA AND U WERE WORRIED FOR NOTHING IM GLAD IT WORKED OUT FOR YOU!!!

So yehh, the exam is like a few days from now JAJSJSJSJ I'm scared 😭. OMG ALSO BESTIE I GOT A JOB!!! I'm so happy 😭😭 (ps one of them is international 😈) nah cuz the brown relations really fucking worked. Other than that, MAN. ATEEZ AT COACHELLA. Fuck.

omg i hope u do ur very best!! AAAAAA A JOB??? THATS SK GOOD ITS SO HARD TO FIND THEM IN THIS ECONOMY U BETTER MILK THEM FOR THE CASH, the brown nepotism 😭😭😭

Actually tbh, I've been a little disconnected from the entire kpop scene, just once in a while enjoying the songs and new things like Coachella performances but like so many new things happened in kpop and idk what to think 😭 Like ITS SO OVERWHELMING we got the hybe drama, ateez at Coachella, new cb, NCT SMOOTHIE??, bp members got solo...so dam yeah.

u know what, me too 😭😭 i’ve just grown indifferent to it, i mostly find myself listening to whatever’s been in my playlist for years,, YEAH it is so wild how much stuff happened in the last year 😭😭 NCT SMOOTHIE WHAT WAS THAT. 😭😭

Another thing, UR GIRL HAS BEEB *OBSESSED* LIKE *OBSESSED* *OBSESSED* WITH DILJIT. Not like i never was But IT GOT STRONGER 😭nah my man so cool honestly nd all his movies are chefs kiss.

AAAAAAAAA HE WAS JUST HERE A FEW DAYS AGO,,, would have gone if the damn ticket price wasn’t 400$ each 🧍🏻‍♀️ HE RLY IS SO COOL! his laid back swag is truly amazing

ANDD HOW ARE YOU? HOWS EVERYTHING? HOWS LIFE? I hope you're doing good and well, and ur healthy. I miss you so dam much it's crazy, like the only person rn who cn revive my addiction with kpop is you. No questions asked.

IM GOOD! ROTTING ON MY COUCH <3 life’s been boring, i’ve just been studying lots to get it over with but fortunately i have wedding season in my family so i have that to look forward too! ☺️ JDJDJDJSJD I MISS U TOO AND WRITING IT i briefly get inspo to write but bc im indifferent to kpop it just doesn’t hit but iam a yunho bais now 😭😭 im hoping to do at least something abt the fic or move on and write a different one!

And I just checked the updates, the war is still going on....IM SO MAD BROOO it's..so sad i can't even like show my anger all I can do is stay at home and observe. Sucks to be powerless. I'm praying, still am, and will keep praying for the people of gaza. And they will have peaceful nights once again, Amen.

it’s the way they’re using the met gala as a distraction to go all out on rafah, absolutely fucking batshit crazy, your words, truly 💗

Alright, i shall take my leave but I'll come back, MISS U SO MUCH POOKIE 🫶🫶💞💞💞MWAH!!

THANK U FOR POPPING IN!!! I MISSED U I HOPE UR BACK MORE OFTEN!! 💗

[caelumsnuff]

ah you changed your user and i could not find you! how could you lol! glad you're still here <3 i'm gonna add to the filler spree convo we're mostly in rn and idk idk i don't know if it's mostly fandom. i feel like it's money?? why would a dude who makes six figures on patreon alone care about youtube's adsense?? idk idk greed?? but since it takes more effort to routinely make a cohesive and engaging plot and the views for lore drop videos (which i wish erik would stop those even tho i like lore and incorporate the info into videos with relevant plot lines like how in books and movies they don't recommend those writers info dump) and plot-heavy works that aren't inversion don't get views.

the only 100k view videos the past 3/4 months are sleep audios cause of those casual listeners (and not even the gavin one which at least had some v v v slight character development in it). if all you had to do was stick a mic near your chest for your heartbeat and breathe to get 140k+ views lmao and your (albeit poorly done) final episode of a villain's plot doesn't crack 50k then you'll prob heed to those casual listeners. he used to make celebratory discord posts when characters got their first 100k views on a video, he made a big deal when that now-moved lasko in the movie theater audio reached a million views, and he had a patreon livestream around when he made the mario tournament audio where he lightly mentioned it being a bummer when videos didn't do well (he made light of it but still).

he mentioned in an old q&a about doing this to tell stories the way he wanted, but i feel like the views and money are what's steering him away from it??

HELLO!!! Yes im still here! Not leaving now and dont plan on it anytime soon lol. Im happy you found me again 😊

I feel like money is literally the only other option aside from the possibility that hes simply lost interest in the stories he was telling. Maybe he still cares about telling good stories deep down, but i think even if thats true the views and money is winning out. Which is just sad, this started out as a hobby and it should stay as such. Especially with him having so many patrons on top of his IRL job. Patrons don’t just…. Leave easily. He might lose casual viewership, but patrons and dedicated fans would stick around if he started valuing quality>quantity again. Do you know how happy i would be if he started uploading less often in favor of releasing better written, plot-centric videos??? You would Not believe it. And youtubers who do that literally garner a dedicated fanbase, there are artists out there who have a trove of patrons supporting them through several months without releasing art because they love it and its of high quality. Erik is more than capable of doing that.

I really do just think the man has so much potential, and i feel its not being executed to its peak right now. If he sat down and gave himself even like…. Idk one upload a week or one every two weeks, he could be writing better thought out videos.

Anyways, i definitely agree with you that its the money and views steering him away. Which is a damn shame, bc once again… 6 figures on patreon + a day job. He does not need to kneel for The Algorithm™️.

Views/hits/likes dont determine the value or quality of your art. Ignore the views, write a good story because its something you wish to make FUCK what other people think! Create from your heart knowing its the best you could put out in that moment, not just something you think will garner views. You know how amazing some videos with 1k views are on youtube??? Fics with 100 hits??? Art with 6 likes???? Just Create with all you are, others will find your passion and feel blessed to have been able to do so.

[versadies]

Hello!! I just read your Zhongli and Xiao poly headcannons and its just 🤌💖💖💖

I was wondering if youre willing to do Zhongli and Childe poly with a GN! reader perhaps? ;;w;; Maybe how they managed to pull reader into that wild mess haha

But regardless keep up the good work!!~ 💖

penpal: aww thank u so much, im glad you like my poly hc on xiao and zhongli! and can i just say omg what an even more chaotic pair 😳😳😳

warning/s: spoilers on archon quest (chapter one) and childe’s story quest, reader has a role (adventurer), not proof-read, wearing, and ooc (?)

when you suggest a poly relationship:

-> it was hilarious when you three didn’t date yet.

-> listen, childe would literally be in a one-sided rivalry with zhongli— who isn’t even aware of this rivalry.

-> i honestly can see you and zhongli being friends for quite a while and he wouldn’t realize his feelings until childe comes in the picture and tries to woo you.

-> zhongli would have a hard time trying to figure out his feelings for you while childe is busy flirting with you. you’ll either be (or try to act) obvlivious or think childe’s flirting is just harmless flirting with no meaning to it.

-> basically, your pre-relationship is just complicated and full of misunderstandings.

-> once zhongli actually figures out his feelings, he’ll try to learn more on romance given that he’s very inexperienced with it and will plan on confessing his feelings to you.

-> when childe actually finds out about zhongli trying to confess to you— he’ll literally do so many things to make zhongli not try to confront you such as distracting you, have the wangsheng funeral parlor keep him busy, etc.

-> you’d caught on to childe’s scheming so you have to go confront zhongli yourself.

-> for some reason though— it ended up with both of them confessing you on the spot and let you choose who to be with in this scenario.

-> which resulted in you suggesting a poly relationship

when they’re the one who suggest it:

-> childe and zhongli have a... unique relationship per say.

-> in this scenario, i honestly see childe still being in a one-sided rivalry with zhongli when it comes to winning your heart.

-> for zhongli, he’s still unsure of his feelings but he’ll figure out later on that he wants to be more than just friends with you.

-> he’ll actually notice on how childe is starting to be more.. affectionate with you and just shrug it off as harmless. however, zhongli will start to notice how childe’s flirting has a hint of desperation and seriousness.

-> once childe finds out that zhongli is in love with you too, he’ll not do the same thing that he did in the scenario above— instead, he’ll actually confront zhongli about it.

-> i can actually see childe suggesting a fight and the person who wins will confess to you— but he knows it’s no use. he knows what zhongli is capable of given that he’s rex lapis, the previous god of war and the fact that childe is still recovering from using his legacy form in the teucer incident makes him know that the fight won’t end well.

-> i honestly think childe would make a “contract” with zhongli in confessing to you at the same time and if you don’t choose the other, they have to back off. obviously, zhongli would accept the contract given that he’s the god of contracts and all.

-> so this led to them confessing you in one of the best destination spots of liyue.

-> if you admit that you don’t actually know who to choose, then zhongli would suggest in trying out a poly relationship.

-> i honestly think childe would be against a poly relationship with you and zhongli since he immediately thinks of how chaotic it would be— but if you accept in trying, then childe might as well accept.

what it’s like to be in a poly rel. with them:

-> at first, it was a bit... awkward. neither of y’all don’t know what to do with the relationship but after a while, the three of you would went with the flow.

-> as i mentioned in my prev headcanons that has zhongli, he is inexperienced in dating and affection. he’s stiff when you give him hugs and kisses at first. however, after learning from childe, he would start holding your hand or give you forehead kisses (with permission ofc, this is zhongli we’re talking about).

-> childe is probably the most open when it comes to affection. he’ll always give you a hug or kiss whenever you’re around. he’ll even hug you and zhongli together if he’s in a happy mood.

-> while childe is the most open, zhongli is the most caring. if one of y’all have a hard time sleeping, he’ll get out from bed and make tea that helps you sleep. he’ll also make sure you and childe have eaten well and will happily try to take care of your injuries.

-> when it comes to dates— it’s laidback and partially adventurous. most of your dates always takes place in wanmin restaurant but on special occassions, it’s somewhere out from liyue harbor.

-> as for the public, neither of you really care if the whole nation heard winds of your relationship. childe would most likely prefer to keep his relationship with you and zhongli a secret given that he’s a part of the fatui.

-> speaking of fatui...

-> childe will not tell you anything about the fatui at all. zhongli may have dealt with the fatui as well but that does not mean he’ll tell you what he knows as well (not after a secret contract childe made with him during your first days of your relationship).

-> childe’s reason is that he does not want you to see his.. scary side. even though you know his potential along with the fatui’s, he never tells you his lust for battles. whenever you go on adventures with him, he’ll literally keep his insane addiction to fighting in stability in fear of making you run away from him and never talk to him.

-> he knows you would never be afraid fo him, yet he couldn’t help but just keep this side a secret just in case.

-> fights with them are seldom. the only fights you’ve fought is with childe and zhongli would be the peacemaker between you two. most of your arguments were about how careless the both of you are when it comes to adventuring or fighting enemies. thankfully none of the fights is very serious— just you and childe lecturing (angrily) back to back.

-> whenever you’re sad, they’ll do whatever they can to make you happy. whether it’d be childe making his wallet crying by buying your favorite foods and things, zhongli giving you the best hugs, or both taking you to a place with a comforting atmosphere.

-> whoever made you sad needs to run because they will get their ass kicked by a god and one of the most feared people in the fatui.

-> when it comes to joining you on your adventures, childe will be very happy to kill every single enemy by your side while zhongli would make sure the both of you are protected with his shields.

-> picnic dates picnic dates picnic dates—

-> the three of you are the literal definition of teamwork when it comes to adventuring around teyvat. your team is the kind that all adventurers want.

-> if you get hurt— oof rip to the enemy who hurt you because that’s the last time they’ll ever do before a hugeass whale and a fucking meteor crashed down on the enemy.

-> if one of them got hurt— oof rip to the enemy because they’ll get their ass kicked by an angry adventurer who just wanted to spend time with their boyfriends.

-> when it comes to being jealous, it’s childe who mostly gets jealous. if it weren’t for zhongli, childe would’ve ruined a lot of careers. he’s actually fine if someone flirts with you cuz hey, you’re hot and who knows, maybe the person will offer you a free drink!

-> however, should the person make you uncomfortable, childe’s carefree attitude went 0 and won’t hesitate to try to break the person’s arm if they won’t leave you alone. please pray that zhongli has childe’s back and won’t get you all in trouble for childe breaking someone’s bones.

-> one of the cons of your relationship with these two is they’re busy.

-> i honestly think that childe would be distant. since the fatui got what they wanted from zhongli, he’ll need to be sent back to snezhnaya for another task. he’ll def write letters to you and zhongli and send them every week— even if he’s too busy, he’ll find time to write them just so you two know he’s okay.

-> on regular days, it’ll just be you and zhongli— but then again, there were some days when zhongli would be busy as well due to his job. don’t worry, he’ll be with you by the end of the day and make up for his super busy schedule with cuddles and stories you’ve never heard of!

-> despite them being busy, they’ll actually try everything they can to speed things up just so they can go back to you. if childe has the chance, he would take you and zhongli to snezhnaya and meet his family while he’s doing harbringer works there— hell, he’ll even quit his harbringer work and join your adventure team if he could.

-> of course, as an adventurer— you are also busy with your commissions.

-> sometimes, you’d be gone for the whole day and come back home the next day. it’s not something these two aren’t used to but they do tend to worry whenever you’re gone for more than 2 days.

-> they’ll definitely be more clingy or affectionate when you go back to them from a long trip.

-> every time childe announces in his letters that he’ll go back to liyue, you and zhongli will immediately go visit to the docks and wait for a snezhnayan ship to appear. childe will literally be knocked out from you tackling him with a hug the moment he comes out from the ship.

-> after that sweet reunite, you and zhongli will definitely take him to wanmin restaurant and talk about what you two did while he was gone. childe will also make sure no fatui agent won’t bother you three when times like this happens

-> time is very precious in your relationship. you three really don’t get to be together everyday but whenever you can, you cherish your time.

[lasquadrasfuckhouse]

Hello!

Maybe some la sqadra headcanons with s/o, who is super fixed on pets? Like, they want to adopt every animal from the shelter, and cry every time they see a abandoned pet on the street. S/o just loves pets so so much that they would do everything to have more

Ofc it's just a proposition, bye bye!❤

AW I LOVE THIS

la squadra with a partner who loves animals 😻

risotto ✂️

he gets it. he has a soft spot for small cute things

he's very fond of how doting u are to every creature but he'll keep you in check, gently pull you away from a passing animal shelter and the like. pets take commitment and u both have very demanding jobs as is

he will help u set out bowls of water for all the strays and little creatures tho

if u bring home a lost pet he'll want you to bring it to the shelter and let the people there find its owner but you count as small cute things he's soft for (because everyone is small compared to risotto). give him puppy eyes for long enough and he'll give you a few days to find the owner yourself but it can't interfere with work and you're completely responsible for it

you'll probably be able to sway him on taking in ONE (1) stray cat if it has the right temperament, quiet and won't interfere and more on the independent side. there are a lot of strays in the neighbourhood as is, he figures having a cat in the house won't be much more of a stretch than you looking after the cats outside

he reasons that for himself too because he loves cats. he'll let it sleep on his chest and he WILL take it for walks on a lil kitty harness do NOT test him, do NOT fuck with this guy while he's walking his cat

he also thinks tarantulas, scorpions, and reptiles are cool (reptiles would love him he's so warm!!!) but maintaining a terrarium is a lot of work

prosciutto 🚬

no. he will answer firmly, no. you both know how busy you are

he tries to reason with you every time you cry over a stray: you can't adopt them all, you know it would be a disservice to the animal to take on that responsibility only to find you can't balance it, i know it's sad but you're only one person with a very difficult job you can't overhaul the shelter system overnight. he'd try to help you toughen up for your own sake, not that u have to love animals any less but he doesn't want u burning out emotionally and he doesn't like seeing u cry either

if u bring home a lost pet, he will also insist you take it to the shelter. if u have a staredown about it (the shelters are so busy already and what if they can't find its person!!!!), it will be a LONG staredown. but if u promise to take full responsibility and find the owners asap he will relent BUT DONT MAKE IT A HABIT. if he has spare time he May help you with finding the owners, mostly to speed things up but it does also make u happy

might also accept one (1) cat with the right temperament but it's YOUR responsibility. if you're prepared to take on the commitment urself, he can coexist with a chill cat pretty easily. he will give it pets if it curls around his legs. if it wants to curl up in his lap, as long as he's not busy, well..... he would allow it

(the cat definitely grows on him)

he supposes he wouldn't mind fishes or a reptile but again, your responsibility

pesci 🎣

he thinks ur so sweet and he has a very hard time saying no to you

as long as ur managing your time and energy right he doesn't think it's so bad!!!! will defend you if the others try to tease you or get on your case

he will help. he might not mesh well with very rambunctious and outgoing animals tho. he may get nervous about caring for them right (is this food good for them? how do i hold them? what if they get sick?) but if u show him how and reassure him and he gets reassurance and affection from the critter too he'll probably cry

he would, of course, love a fish tank. he gets really into arranging and rearranging the setup and caring for ur fishies. he could watch them for hours and also defends them against people who say they're boring (THEY HAVE PERSONALITY)

he would say no to arachnids or other bugs and no to reptiles and amphibians (cause they eat bugs)

formaggio 🧀

HES RIGHT THERE WITH U

cats are his favorite even if he is not cats' favorite. he looks after the strays with you and will comfort you when you cry about them

if you find a lost pet he'll help you hide it (probably make it smaller) while you team up to secretly care for it and find the owners

'formaggio what the hell is that sound coming from ur room' 'oh i just fell asleep with the tv on' '..... and it's still making the same sounds 3 hours later?' 'ITS A LONG MOVIE'

HE WOULD LOVE TO RAISE A CAT WITH U. two cats would be great too but you do both have busy jobs. cool with rodents too, would be cool with a dog or parrot in theory but in practice they take a lot of work and require a lot of social time and y'all are pretty busy being assassins.

illuso ✨

he will gently tease you for being a softie (the keyword here being gently because he loves u) but he's honestly a little endeared

he's trying to befriend the flock of crows around base so they'll be his little minions so u spend time together leaving them snack offerings

for trying to actually get a pet tho? ur on ur own

if you find a lost pet he may offer to hide it in the mirror world while u search for the owner BUT he will require payment. whether that is a kiss or you do his chores for a week. and he doesn't really do well with animals cause he just doesn't know what to do with them but he will do his best to help care for them in the mirror world if u can't be there because it's for u (and contrary to popular belief he's not completely heartless)

no. no strays in the house. i know it's cute and sad but it's all dirty, you don't know where it's been. but then you start tearing up and he's like ah fuck okay FINE tidy it up and bring it to the shelter but im outtie

he does find cats and snakes very graceful tho and may be open to having one as long as it's a good fit personality and needs wise and it's mostly your responsibility

melone 🍈

he finds it adorable. he loves how sweet u are

he loves hearing about his partner's interests so he will talk about cool biological and developmental animal facts and how u can learn a lot about human behaviour by studying the nature around us

doesn't see the harm in helping out any strays or lost creatures u may find and is totally down to help

he will remind u that pets are a lot of responsibility tho!!! if u want one u have to figure out how to balance other responsibilities with it but he's cool with co-parenting

he thinks reptiles and amphibians are really fucking cool. he'd probably be interested in a bird too cause he has the patience and creativity for them but ur also both busy people. he'd LOVE having sweet rat babies b/c they are so smart!!!

ghiaccio ❄️

he LOVES everything cute and soft and fluffy so he understands but also you can't rescue every stray or adopt the whole shelter we are assassins,

you befriend the neighbourhood cats together and build squirrel feeders. sometimes you'll go to the park just to cry about how cute all the dogs are

if you find a lost pet he may try to be like ugh.... do we have time for this....... but he caves VERY fast. will whisper-yell at anyone who tries to give you grief for it because he doesn't want to startle the poor creature. will help you find its owner if it'll get the others off ur back

he would very much want to raise cute animals with u. you have work to think about but if u had a rather independent cat that would work. he'd also love rats and hamsters

starts dreaming of retiring with u one day so u can have a bunny and a yappy little pomeranian he can wear matching sweaters with

sorbet and gelato 🔪🍦

they think ur utterly adorable. ur their sweet beloved third and they dote on you and would love to be involved in/support ur passions

they will help u look after the strays and may point out like someone's cute dog that they're walking just to see ur eyes light up and hear u gush

they Will smuggle lost pets inside the base for you and they Will help you find the owner they don't care about getting in trouble with risotto they're in trouble all the time anyway it's their jobs

would very much like to be pet parents with u and it might honestly be easier to manage between the three of you

they'd do very well with rats, they could handle high energy pets like ferrets, parrots, and dogs, but y'know u do all have work and stuff. they are determined to find the right fit for all of u b/c ur so cute they can't NOT indulge u

maybe one day the three of u can retire on a heap of money and adopt an older cockatoo and harness train it so u can all go on adventures together, that's the dream!!!!

[dirhwangdaseul-archived]

what are your in depth thoughts on russian doll, if you have any you dont mind sharing? that show fucking broke me

this is like one of those things that i don't think i could ever answer, it exists in conversation with so many other things and i tried anon i tried answering it but i get overwhelmed so easily these days, ive been mostly surviving these years and much like nadia

it all seems a rush, and a bore, and like things are more real when they're out of focus but that's a lie because i've been surviving, i don't know what life is like but at moments, and some people would say that's how happiness works, but some people don't know what it's like to live in poverty and with ghosts that were born inside you and ghosts that are given to you through heritage and culture

i feel like russian doll got me on that level like the poverty part even moreso in part 2, because i feel like a huge part of surviving it's having the means so that what you've learned can be passed onto others and even tho i have felt small most of my life once i gained a sense of self i did feel like i could tell whoever was willing to hear me that they didn't have to suffer for life and well there's so much more i could say but i don't feel like i could do it justice

there's a careful attention to history and family that i adore, that nadia can get to contextualize her story with that that the whole world tells it's also very precious to me, i feel like even if it's unintentional it exists in conversation with things like cien años de soledad and the sopranos both speak about mental illness but simply illness and rot at the heart of certain parts of our heritage, but when i say rot, i mean it in the sense of possibility for growth and so much more, both good and bad, both happy and sad, both filled with grief and love, so you know, possibility like if nadia knows her past and learns to hold onto it without losing the present.... ah but they also showed how hard those lessons come by, is it our society's propensity to leave us isolated, is it pride that is inherent to the self changing and becoming and accepting other worlds?

like the way alan and nadia held on to the wrong things so they think their big actions are the ones changing their fate when it's that contrarian desire and fear of change and their personalities ultimate that have a bigger hold in their ancestors family and like it's so heartbreakingly beautiful how they end up repeating the cycles of their family despite telling themselves they had been different than those that came before them or that they were honoring them but their own selves always break through, either fear or impulsiveness they still fall back into themselves as they walk the steps of their families and like what do i do with that what i do with that, if the past cant change can it at least hold a different meaning like can it at least do that?????

my grandpa died recently and i do feel like sometimes magical realism is sth not one soul will understand but the people living it here under their latin american roofs, but russian doll's actually gave me hope for literature's heart, it really did, it understood what it means to live within spaces that won't allow for you to not seem them as alive as you, as growing as you, it won't allow you to walk without the ghosts of the history we have made, even if you want to ignore it, the ghosts are there and they want release

on august 8th my grandpa died, i entered my formal job again, im a teacher and i couldn't sleep the entire night, we had been dealing with an infestation and we've been doing weekly culls. i get nervous on first days so i went without any sleep to school from the first hour cause i asked for more hours, i actually enjoy teaching so much, i couldn't tell you however how that first day went, confidence isn't my strong suit

i didn't find out my grandpa was dead till the next day, after the first class i went to the bathroom, and i found a bedbug in a hoodie i took for the cold, it was on the sleeve hidden between the folds, probably came from some place it was hiding in my room in the morning, very thin, shining red still however, but not a drop of food in it, i was disgusted ofc because i was at school i just took it and squashed it, but it felt weird, almost like sth else leaving us

if i referenced cien años de soledad it wasn't on accident, i feel like gabriel garcía marquéz captured sth of what spain really left behind and i have come to realise that it makes sense that some of the brokenness i feel in méxico it's probably in colombia and many other latin american countries, a similar rot, unattended, unable to grow, when i squashed that bug it felt like the ending of the infestation and from that day on we haven't seem any living bedbug and i got home late in the afternoon, my parents were speaking of their inability to reach my grandpa, it had happened before but this time they sounded alarmed, they probably had sense it as well, my grandparent already had rejected protecting his heart, it's clear he wanted to go

tuesday came and they went and ofc he was dead, he was dead and i alrready knew it, i already had felt like my grandpa because of what he required to be taken care of because of his age but as well as his stubborness in taking care of himself and being conscious of others he always behaved like the macho with the woman behind him, and my mother wanted that for me, im neither a man nor heterosexual so that ofc meant if their rot couldn't get in me the normal way, i guess abuse could be an answer as well, idk

anyway like i said what i could say grows infinite, even everything everywhere all at once and on sundays she picked flowers by yah yah scholfield as well feel like they exist in conversation with it like , it's just that sometimes we get to make right as well as peace while alive, and sometimes we get neither and we to just sit with the rot and it doesn't grow till maybe later, and maybe we get to see it die and we really get to grow sth entirely anew, and although it hurts i love the media that says that history matters in ways we never imagined it could because i feel like we keep looking away and it just won't do to keep going forward without sitting a little bit with what's already there like i want the world to stop and stare, just stop and stare, for a single minute maybe, the whole world

[venfx]

magnus fic roundup

as tma comes to a close, i thought i'd post some of my favorite fics to come out of this fandom. most of these are classics, listed in no particular order.

A Weather In The Flesh by @cuttoothed​ | 3K | S1-S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete

"There is a span of years where Jon doesn’t touch anyone other than the occasional hand shake. It’s not so bad. He’s never been someone who’s needed physical affection."

Jon has never been any good at making people want to stick around.

↳ this is such a well-done exploration of jon’s character and his relationship with touch, and i’ve re-read it at least five times. sweet and sad and phenomenally well-written.

in the chillest land and on the strangest sea by imperfectcircle, singlecrow | 20K | Safehouse, S1-S4 | Jon & Daisy, Jon/Martin | Complete

Jon remembers a statement he read years ago given by a Jesuit priest, who said that the shortest prayer he knew was, just, fuck it, as in fuck it; it's in God's hands. He takes Daisy's hand and trails on after her.

or; hope is a thing with feathers.

↳ hey, you wanna fuckin..... feel things? read this.

The Magnus Institute vs the 21st Century: a series of emails and IMs by shinyopals | 26K | Series | S3 | Pre-Jon/Martin | Complete

The Magnus Institute hires a Data Protection Officer. He sets about diligently booking in meetings, writing policy documents, and training all the staff in the importance of confidentiality. Now if only he could get hold of the Head Archivist, who seems to have vanished again...

(Jon is only trying to save the world, but apparently some people think he should still be doing his day job.)

↳ i’d be surprised to find people who haven’t read this series, but it’s the definition of “the magnus archives is a workplace comedy”. also, alasdair stuart has actually read some clips of this on Twitch, so that’s a fun bonus.

Bell, Book, and Candle by yellow_caballero | 102K | Series | S3 into S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete 

In accordance with the Ride or Die Pact of 2009, Jonathan Sims can call upon Georgie Barker at any time for aid with no strings attached. Despite their rocky history, their childhood friendship, and Jon’s barely recovered alcoholism, this pact is sacred and must be upheld.

Georgie Barker may regret this. She may regret it when she discovers that the world is full of monsters and eldritch gods and dickhead managers. She may regret it when a punk rocker who should be dead collapses on their doorstep, a teenager again who needs their help. She may regret it when her stupid ex-boyfriend starts selling his soul for knowledge and the ability to keep his new family safe.

But she probably won’t. Georgie isn’t scared of anything - not a Clown’s apocalypse, not the apocalypse that Jon is destined to begin, and not Jon’s own loss of humanity.

Maybe she should be.

↳ if you’re looking for an everyone-lives-no-one-dies-happy-ending fic that also happens to be massively chaotic, look no further. 

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by @wolftraps​ | 98K | AU, S1-S4 | Jon/Martin | Complete

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

↳ quintessential time travel AUs. plot-wise, i feel like these can be difficult to write, but op does a fantastic job of tying things together in a way that makes sense. plus, it’s just fun to read.

jon sims v the nhs by @thoughtsbubble​ | 12K | Series | S3 | Complete

Joan Bright has a new patient. He's carrying an old tape recorder and is covered head to toe in scars. Jonathan Sims looks dangerous, but Dr Bright has dealt with all sorts of atypical individuals. She has no reason to be nervous.

Right?

↳ if you’ve ever thought “hey, jon should probably go to therapy”, then 1) you’re absolutely right and 2) this is... probably what would’ve happened. prior knowledge of The Bright Sessions is not required. also, apparently, this fic is written by the showrunner of The Underwood Collection? wild.

Family, Found by Dribbledscribbles | 9K | S4 | Complete

It’s Basira who catches onto it.

The collective shift that seems to come over them when heading in or out of the Institute. Not just the oppressive sensation of being observed, their every move catalogued for the voyeuristic cravings of some unseen Eye(s). That feeling remained with them even when they left the Institute these days, but it was always stronger inside its walls. That wasn’t the change. Nor was it the point.

The point was: making life worse for Jonathan Sims.

↳ i think being part of the avengers fandom circa 2012 has given me permanent found-family-trope brainrot, but you know what. jonathan sims can have a little happiness, as a treat. 

Road to Damascus by @titanfalling​ | 107K | Series | S4 | Jon & Tim | Complete

n. an important moment of insight, typically one that leads to a dramatic transformation of attitude or belief

Or, in which Tim becomes an avatar for the end of all things.

↳ tim dies and then he doesn’t. there is catharsis and world building. just....read it.

Come, Change Your Ring With Me by @backofthebookshelf​ | 29K | S3 | Peter/Jon, Jon/Martin, Peter/Elias | Complete

The Lukases demand the Archivist marry into the family, and the Institute relies on them too much to say no. Peter is smug. Elias is fuming. Martin is suffering. Jon thinks this might be tolerable if only Peter would hurry up and leave him alone already.

OR, the soap opera we call an Archives revolves around Peter Lukas this time.

↳ superb evil-bastards-in-love content, feat. martin pining, tim being obnoxious, and jon being... well, tired, mostly. i will literally never get tired of how op writes peter. 

creatures that i briefly move along by @dotsayers​ | 16K | Series | AU, Post-S4 | background Jon/Martin 

Mr Sims was so weird, was the thing. Miss Grant always said calling people weird was rude, and Anna sort of agreed, but she didn’t know what other word to use to describe Mr Sims.

He’d only been in with the class for a few days, really, and half of that he just sat at the back listening, but that didn’t stop her from making a swift judgement. 5BG had had student teachers before, back when they were 3ST, and they’d been uniformly normal.

Mr Sims was… actually, Anna had a better adjective. He was interesting.

↳ i just.... love teacher!jon fics. this series delivers. 

Once Bitten by @apatheticbutterflies | 1K | S4 | Jon & Daisy | Complete

Jon Sims has always been a jumpy kind of guy. Nervous. Twitchy. Daisy used to think it meant he was guilty. Turns out he was. Just not of what she’d thought.

Daisy learns how to peel an orange.

↳ daisy and jon’s relationship is an example of an instance where i’m happy to say “fuck what you wrote mr. jonny ‘chocolate torte of tragedy’ sims, i want them to be friends”.

pins and needles by mutterandmumble | 13K | S1-S4 | Complete

He’s got a reputation to uphold anyways; an uptight, rigid reputation that dictates the way that he interacts and functions and is such an integral part of him that he can’t let go of it anytime soon. He likes his safety nets. He likes his contingencies. He likes his privacy, and everything around this place right down to the walls seems to have ears, so he’ll stay tight-lipped up to and beyond the threat of death.

He’s good at that.

In which Jon takes up embroidery and bumbles through life the best that he can.

↳ out of all the introspective jon pieces i’ve read (and there are many), this one stands out. maybe it’s the symbolism or the characterisation, or maybe it’s the fact that i have an embroidery kit lurking in the back of my closet along with a hundred other half-pursued hyperfixations. whatever. this is excellent.

sleeping in by @ivelostmyspectacles | 5K | S2 | Jon/Tim | Complete

“Who are you trying to convince?”

Jon gives up, letting his head sag against Tim’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”

aka Elias gets tired of Jon and Tim's bickering, sends them away for a "team-building" weekend trip, and is sure to book them a room with only one bed

↳ this has everything you’d need from a “oh no there’s only one bed” fic. someone please get these men therapy.

if you try, sometimes (you get what you knead) by @ajcrawly​ | 3.5K | S1-S4 | Jon/Martin, Tim/Sasha | Complete

It starts with an abundance of boeuf bourguignon and ends up as a team tradition.

Food and love in uncertain times.

↳ more found family fic, this time with a diverse og!archival staff and food as a metaphor for love. hurt in all the right ways. made me hungry in the process.

[reikunrei]

OKAY UUUH i need to put my thoughts about the final stroke p1 here right here right now fresh hot of the press i just finished watching this shit less than 30 seconds ago let’s gooooo

anyway just a precursor like. none of this is going to make sense bc ive only watched it once so i dont remember everything (barely remember anything from road to the world which i probably should’ve watched again before this bc they would like mention things and i’d just be there like ?????? wha??? but ANYWAY)

these are also going to be very disjointed and not following the order of scenes bc im hgdfjk my brain is going 1000000 mph

god like the first half of it is so fun and just like. really just diving back into the whole FEELING of the series. like everyone just being friends, having fun, talking about swimming, swimming together

i can’t tell you how happy i am that we got to see the entirety of haru, rin, AND ikuya’s races like. i’d gotten so used to like. just seeing haru’s or just seeing rin’s and then it just cutting to like the results of the other or w/e, so i love love love that we got some devoted time to all of them inn sydney

also going insane over the like. makoto seeing himself trying to reach haru and just not being able to at all no matter how hard he tries

and how haru in that vision is all sad and lonely like how haru is becoming based on the events of the end of the film

AND LIKE LIKE

LIKE HARU HAS PEOPLE who want to help him and be close to him and love and cherish him and want him to succeed

even after his filter went completely down and he said THAT to rin, rin walked off and was like “of course i still care” or w/e like... even HE can’t be all that mad at haru, at least not in any real long-term sense

i still feel like the video interview things at the beginning are gonna be what wakes haru up out of this stupor. i want that so bad. like why else would THOSE be the opening scene of the movie like come ON

i want haru to go back somewhere, like to the high school or SOMETHING, or maybe somebody forces him to watch them, and he sees how much people love and care about him by stumbling across those tapes

god the albert possession fucks me up tho. i thought it was gonna be mostly silly and like. kinda cringe. but man. it was fucked UP it HURTS. i think it mostly had to do w shimazaki’s performance, i always forget how much i love him as haru and he does a REALLY good job stretching haru’s character to really make him unhinged when he’s so normally quiet and borderline monotone. like haru isn’t a flat character by any means, but he’s not very expressive either, so to see shimazaki get to flex those muscles in this role is SUPER nice

the scene where haru almost fell down the stairs fucked me up too LMAO i was like oh shit he REALLY fucked himself up he is not himself at ALL

and to see that just keep happening

everyone in this show has abandonment issues god

i am going crazy oh my god okay

and just. to see him going even farther down that rabbit hole. feeling like everyone is going to leave him. like makoto left before he got to say whatever motivational quip he was going to say, and then rin drops it in his lap that both he AND ikuya are not goinng to be swimming free at the next tournament, and like........ man just realized how that reminds me of when makoto just dropped in his lap that he had decided to go to tokyo

even when makoto walked away to go back home it mirrored exactly that scene in s2 when haru leaves makoto standing there...... ugh my heart

ANYWAY

i am super fucked up and also pissed off at ryuji!!!! like. i dont think ive ever disliked him as much as other people do, like he’s just a grouchy old man and haru was listening to him, but also pushing back against him and keeping him somewhat in his lane

and it was really nice to see haru so adamantly be like “im not giving anything up” in this movie like. and how that sparked something in ryuji. but now at the end when haru was like “yeah im ready to give everything up” ........ i really hope ryuji also plays a part in getting haru to wake up? bc it’ll also be an interesting wake-up for ryuji himself?

he is such an asshole tho hsgdfjgk i do love how they put scenes back to back of haru x ryuji, rin x mikhail, and ikuya x natsuya, and even throw in there makoto x nao x sousuke! like, we got to see the swimmer/coach dynamic between all of them and got to see how NOT GOOD ryuji is in comparison to all of them lmao. like sure being analytical is good, but damn give the kid some room to breathe LMAO

and god. i do love albert. he’s such a weird scary motherfucker but god god god i’m so intrigued by this weird fucked up dynamic he has with his coach? or whoever he is? im not even really sure. but like. he’s living his dream through albert rather than letting albert be his own person. but then it’s interesting bc haru (and everyone else) sees albert as this big scary foreboding guy. which like, he is, but i think they all have a twisted view of him? like they see him as this powerhouse and NOTHING else

i think haru has seen albert interacting w other people in his entourage and like. seen some weird dynamics between them? but it’s all very behind-doors right now, so like. everyone sees him as a “villain” for lack of a better word, when albert really just wants to swim and like. be normal? like i don’t think his words of “i want to be stronger” are truly his

i really really really would love to see albert tie into haru’s awakening more. like, after haru gives up his relationships bc we all know at this point that that’s 100% for sure what he’s gonna do, i feel like. like maybe he will have a better performance, but it’s just so Not Him that he’s not even a worthy opponent? and then albert gets fucked up about it and is like “man what happened, this isn’t good at all, what did you do to yourself?”

like. right now haru is trying to be more like albert, but i think albert is trying to be more like haru

unless im like. totally misreading everything about his character, but im thinking of like. s3 and rttw, with him hanging out with haru, his “the water favors you” quote, him getting excited when he saw haru doing really well in his race while he was like. getting his drive from his friends and whatnot. like!!! i really feel like it could be a fun little switcharoo to do!!!

god. that’s my biggest thing rn, i love the dynamic between haru and albert and how there’s this friction within both of their characters as they try to become like one another

ugh god okay i need to stop bc. i have work tomorrow and need to go to bed ghsfdjk im sure i’ll have more thoughts and write more as i mull over the movie more, and maybe watch it again next weekend, but ugh. holy shit

holy. fucking. shit

i can’t wait for part 2

overall im super pleased with the movie. i was worried i really wouldn’t like it, but they did a very very good job and like. kept it really grounded to its roots and the original dynamics and bonds, while also having a TON of really good stuff with new dynamics (ie. rin and ikuya, makoto and sousuke, etc.)

[jaeyunluvs]

jj’s girl - jj maybank

Requested by @loveableniall : Hey I have a imagine request for JJ. The reader meaning y/n is best friends with the group. However she is delivering stuff to figure 8 and runs into some kooks. The kooks beat her up. But thank goodness the group (aka her best buds) come to her rescue,and in the end JJ ends up confessing his feelings for her. (Hope all that made sense haha. Can’t wait to read!) ☺️

Requested by @emmileeb1 : i was wondering if you could do something where the reader is a girl and gets beat up pretty bad by any of the kooks like topper or rafe or smth and jj is there to find her?

A/N: Soo, I decided to combine those two requests, since they’re similar. Thank you both so so much for requesting, I hope you’ll like it! <3

disclaimer: i don’t own the characters, english is not my first language so im sorry if i have mistakes and please let me know!! I’m all open to any feedback or conversation!

warnings: angst there’ll be fluff, mentions of hurting, beating up, swearing and crappy writing asdhash

i was listening rudy’s “Jams for JJ” playlist while writing this so go check it out :) you can listen it from here

gif credits to netflix i guess lol

It was 8.30 in the morning and you woke up because of a text. You groaned but as you noticed it was from JJ, you smiled. But when you realize you’re smiling you immediately stopped. No pogue on pogue macking Y/N he doesn’t even like you You thought to yourself. 

JJ: wake up sleepy princess we’re coming to get you in 30

Y/N: okay dumbass thanks for the reminder

You quickly took a shower, packed some food into your bag, just like Kie does, since you guys were the ones who were getting food supplies to the gang. You looked at the time, it was 9.1, still no notification from anyone. You knew you were the last person to get into the boat, but you still got worried. 

As you patiently waited outside, petting your dog, you heard a similar voice shouting your name.

“Y/N, the best Pogue on the Earth, mademoiselle” JJ bowed his head and offered his hand. HMS Pogue and the gang were getting closer to you.

“Hi JJ!” You accept his offer, took him by the hand, hugged him and get into the boat. As soon as you greeted everyone, you sat down by JJ. He smiled at your actions.

“So, what took you guys so long?” You asked everyone while John B calmly, driving the boat.

“Pope’s dad asked us to deliver some stuff and we couldn’t say no. We have plenty of time and if we split the stuff, we thought it would end fast.” JJ explained to you.

“Yeah it’s not gonna take long, besides it’ll be some kind of exercise” Kie smiled at you, then stealing glances at Pope. Ah these lovers. 

“That’s cool, I’d love to help” you said genuinely. JJ smiled at how genuine you were, sitting closer to you. You and JJ started to talk about normal stuff. He asked you how was your job at the Surf Shop, you asked him how he was feeling. You knew about his dad and you were so worried about JJ. Despite all of your worries, JJ reassured you that he’s completely fine and if something happens he’ll directly come to you. You just grinned and mumbled an “whatever you say JJ” 

When you were enjoying JJ’s company by your side, you saw Pope and Kie cuddling and enjoying each other presence. JJ whispered,

“Isn’t it obvious they like each other?” He giggled.

“Yeah and it melts my heart” You giggled back looking at him. You both wished you guys could be like that. After all the peaceful moments, John B made an announcement.

“You four lovebirds, stop making me feel like a fifth wheel, I’ll have Sarah soon so you can cry, but anyways so here’s Figure 8, it’s our stop for today. Let’s go.” John B gave everyone supplies and a place to go. Before you leave, JJ came beside you.

“You sure you wanna go alone? We can go together?” He asked worried because he hated Kooks, especially Rafe and Topper. They hate each other and if they do something to you JJ would almost kill them.

“Yeah don’t worry, and besides I’m going to Mrs. Brown, her place is the closest from here.” You cupped and kissed his cheek, smiled. Then you left before he could say something. JJ just stayed there, trying to process what’s going on.

“Just date already, duh” John B said behind JJ. 

“What are you talking about?” JJ said quickly turning his back to John B.

“Isn’t it obvious that you guys like each other? Like seriously if i was someone outside, I would literally think you guys were a couple.” John B said minding his own business and encouraging his best friend. 

“You should confess her, there’s no way she would say ‘Oh JJ I don’t feel the same’ ” John B said with the impression of your voice.

JJ just stared at him for a second, got the things he need to deliver and left before they could talk. 

“Listen to my advice JJ!” John B shouted behind his back.

“Whatever you say Johnny Boy” JJ muttered himself. On the way, he thought if you liked him back. JJ she kissed you But that doesn’t mean she likes me arghh JJ thought to himself. 

Thankfully, any Kooks were there in JJ’s sight. He peacefully delivered the stuff Mr. Heyward gave and a bonus, he got 40 dollar tip. He thought about buying you a flower with this money because he wanted you to be happy.

You on the other hand while walking to Mrs. Brown’s house, you were peacefully walking and admiring the nature. You were thinking about JJ mostly. He’s so cute, Y/N STOP, he doesn’t like you back, what if your friendship would ruin because you kissed him? You panicked but your thoughts were interrupted when you heard a few guys and girls screaming your name.

“Wait isn’t that Y/N, JJ’s girl?” Rafe smirked.

“It looks like it” Topper with his devilish grin.

They slowly walked closer to you.

“Topper, Rafe stop, please just let me go.” You pleaded horror filling in your eyes.

“Don’t worry princess, we don’t live in a fairytale, so your prince JJ is not gonna save you.” Rafe mocked JJ, with the word “princess”. 

And without a minute, they started to punch you from everywhere, some girls also joined. They continued to punch you, hurt you, but you didn’t understand why they would do such thing when you literally did nothing to them.

On the HMS Pogue, everyone was there, waiting for you. The gang was getting worried because Mrs. Brown’s house was the closest of them all. JJ was getting worried the most. 

“I need to go find her.” JJ said worried, while couldn’t help but thinking the worst case scenario. 

“I’ll come with you.” Kie said ensure of herself. You were like a sister to her.

“Of course we’re coming too.” John B said, speaking for both Pope and himself.

JJ smiled at their friends - family not leaving his back. 

When they were walking they heard people shouting “HIT HER HIT HER!” constantly. They wondered whats going on so they went there. 

When the gang saw a familiar person getting beating up, they ran faster. And then they realized you were the person who was getting beaten up.

JJ realized this first and literally the second he realized he punched Rafe fastest as possible. He started to punch her. Slowly then the gang joined you. Kie got the girls, John B got Topper, Pope went to Kelce and JJ went to Rafe. You were already fainted but they kept fighting. When Rafe got beaten up really bad, and JJ was choking him, the gang stopped him because he was almost killed him.

After Rafe got hurt really bad, the kooks left the place. They shouted “FUCK YOU ASSHOLES DON’T MESS WITH THE POGUES AGAIN!” and ran to you.

You were laying down the ground not moving at all. JJ picked you up bridal style and ran to HMS Pogue to take care of you with medical supplies. 

You were so hurt, your face covered with blood. However, JJ was the same. He was so furious. He could have protected you in the first place. In the boat, you were still not opening your eyes, laying in the arms of JJ. The gang was pretty sad about you. JJ was almost crying and the gang could do nothing but hug him.

After a few minutes of emotional moments, you started to open your eyes and see four people bruised, puffy eyed hugging on you.

“Guys?” you mumbled. JJ looked at you in shock, hugged you so fast and started sobbing. 

“Y/N, you scared the shit out of me. You’re alive. You’re really alive.” He said like thousand times. You just smiled at how worried he was. He looked extremely cute. 

Kie noticed a special moment between you two. She nudged John B and Pope so they could understand.

“We’ll deliver this package to Mrs. Brown” Pope said. But you and JJ were too busy admiring each other to care. There was a short period of awkward silence but JJ decided to break the silence and let his feelings go. He remembered what John B told him before.

“Y/N?” He asked while you were still leaning on his lap bridal style.

“Yeah?” You looked up to him.

“I have something to tell you, and I hope you won’t get mad at me.” JJ said gulping.

You stood up to show him that you’re listening carefully.

“Argh okay, so umm” He couldn’t speak “I like you Y/N, so much and you were getting beaten up by Rafe, just made me almost kill him. I don’t know what you’re doing to me but you do.” You just stared at him, at a loss for words. JJ noticed your shock, and started to panic.

“I know you didn’t feel the s-” He was interrupted by your blooded lips, kissing his passionately.

The kiss was long, it was full of admiration and it was a way to show JJ you liked him back. 

When you pulled away, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Does this explain a lot Mr. Protector?” you asked. JJ smiled at your goofiness and kissed you again. This kiss wasn’t long as the last one but it was good as it was because they’re JJ’s lips come on!!

“So are you my boyfriend now?” You asked looking at him smiling.

“Yeah, you’re my girl. No one can hurt you, I’m here now” JJ said holding you close.

“YES FINALLY!” Pope shouted from the harbour.

“GO GO GO!” Kie shouted.

“You were talking about me giving the d, JJ right? Now it’s your turn bro” 

[vintagedolan]

cross country (gbd)

description: when you get stuck in california during quarantine with a dwindling lease at the dolan’s house, grayson wants nothing more than for you to get to new jersey with him

word count: 4.5k

warnings/tags: fluff, this is literally um the softest thing i’ve written???, quarantine/COVID, grayson spoiling Y/N, you get the picture hehe

feel free to send in requests! i’ll write most things! hope you enjoy, send me some feedback and I’ll give you my eternal love :)

You never wanted to lift another box in your whole life, that was for damn sure. There was sweat running down your forehead as you lifted the next one, carrying the cardboard all the way through the house into the living room, which was becoming a huge pile of everything that the twins had acquired over their years in LA. 

The plan was simple: the boys were going home to jersey to see their mom before the quarantine got too serious, and then they were coming right back because they needed to find a place in LA, seeing that their lease was ending. 

Well, needless to say, that plan had gone to absolute shit. And that meant you were thousands of miles away from Grayson, and had three days before you would be homeless. 

Lovely. 

The nice thing about it was that you didn’t have much time to mope - since the boys were still in jersey, all the packing was left up to you. And while you were efficient, it didn’t mean it wasn’t a lot of fucking work. 

You went back into Ethan’s room, getting another box of clothes. As you walked, your phone vibrated in the pocket on the side of your leggings. You knew who it was, but you waited until you got to the living room and sat the box down to answer it. 

A facetime from Grayson. That brightened your mood considerably. 

When you swiped over, you immediately relaxed a bit at the sight of his face. His hair was getting so long during quarantine, and it was pushed back with a headband he’d borrowed from his mom, no doubt. He was in a tshirt, which was different than the rest of the times he’d called you. Which was about ten times a day.

“Hey baby,” you smiled at him, catching your breath as you walked back to your shared room. As much as you wanted to sit down and relax and talk to your boyfriend, there wasn’t enough time for all that.  

“You look exhausted,” was the first thing he said. 

“Wow, thank you so much, love you too,” you teased. 

“You look beautiful, you know that’s not what I meant. I’m just saying that-”

“I’m kidding Gray. And before you start worrying for the hundredth time today, I’m fine,” you reminded him as you pulled out a dresser drawer you shared, beginning to transfer the clothes into yet another box. He watched you work with sad eyes, and you knew what was coming before he said it.

“I feel like shit that you’re doing all this work.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do.��

“Would you do it for me? If you were stuck across the country in my house-”

“Our house,” he corrected. You couldn’t tell if he was referring to sharing with you or with Ethan, or both, but you kept going regardless.

“Okay, stuck in our house, and I needed to pack it all up, would you do it for me?”

He hesitated, and you knew he didn’t have a good response to that.

“That’s different,” was his only comeback, and you laughed a bit.

“Bullshit. You’re just mad because I’m gonna have to wear all your clothes cause none of mine will fit over my new muscles,” you joked, flexing your scrawny arms. You knew you looked dumb, but it got the laugh out of Grayson that you were hoping for, and that’s all that mattered.

“Right, you act like you don’t just wear my clothes all the time anyways. I’m not even sure you have any clothes of your own,” he teased, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh really? I could have sworn these were mine.” You dug around the drawer, finding a particularly nice pair of lace panties, holding them up to the screen. He groaned, falling out of screen for a moment. It took a second for you to realize he’d fallen back on the bed. 

“You don’t play fair,” he said once he moved his phone back to his face. “I miss you so fuckin’ much, you have no idea.” 

You were pretty sure you had an idea. This was now week four without seeing him in person, and it was actually awful. You’d known it would suck, but you didn’t think it would hurt to be away from him. And you were doing everything you both could - facetime dates, phone calls, texting, he’d even written a letter to you. But there was just something about being in his arms, hearing his laugh without the distortion of a phone speaker, waking up next to him; it couldn’t be replaced. 

Which meant you needed to mention your plan. 

“I wanna come to jersey,” you started.

“You know I would kill to have you here baby, you know that.”

“Grayson, the lease is ending. I think that counts as a reason for emergency travel. I mean, I’m technically gonna be homeless,” you reminded him. “And I know I can stay with Shane, or with Jeffree.” They had been nice enough to offer. Hell, Jeffree was letting the boys store everything at his house, even the cars. “But I wanna be with you.” 

“I don’t want you on a plane. You could get sick.”

“I won’t fly. I’ll take the van. I mean, that’s why you built it, isn’t it?” 

“Y/N...”

“I know, it seems crazy. But if I split it up into three days, I could do it. I’d be careful at gas stations, pack up enough food to last me. You know I can drive for forever, I could probably pull 15 hours or so a day, that would get me back pretty quick, and I’d be safe.”

“Safe,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Y/N, I was sketched out sleeping in that thing with two other grown men with me. The thought of you sleeping in there, alone in some parking lot...” he trailed off. “No. It’s too risky.”

“Gray-”

“Baby I want you here more than anything. Not knowing when I’m gonna see you again is actually killing me, but I’m not putting you at risk over that.”

“Okay, well, let’s compromise then. What would make you feel safer about it?” 

“You not doing it,” he said bluntly.

“Be serious babe.”

“You sleeping alone out there. I know you’d be fine with the driving, but I’m not okay with you sleeping in the van by yourself.”

“Okay...” you paused for a minute, trying to think of a solution. “Okay, what if I drove at night, and then I slept during the day? Less people on the roads, and I think we’d both feel safer if I was sleeping during the daylight. Would that work?” 

“That’s better. I still don’t love it. I’m not trying to be difficult, I just, I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he mumbled, picking at the fabric on his blanket.

“I know that baby, to be honest the thought of sleeping in there alone scares me a little bit too. But I’m willing to do it if it means I get to see you.” 

Grayson was silent for a while. You knew he was fighting with himself, and that he probably felt selfish for even considering giving in. But you also knew, deep down, you were going to do it no matter how much he protested. So you were glad when he finally conceded with a simple “I love you”. 

Now, with the realization that you were going to see him in just a few days, your motivation was renewed ten fold, and you got to work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

night one

You would have thought it wouldn’t be hard to get to sleep after the day you’d had. 

You were wrong.

The furniture had been moved out - Jeffree had been nice enough to hire a few movers to come get the furniture and the cars. Now, the house lay empty besides your bags that would go with you in the van, and you couldn’t wait to get on the road. Correction; you couldn’t wait to get to Grayson. The thought of seeing him again gave you butterflies. 

Once everything was done and final, you drug a few of the cushions out of the bed in the van, bringing them into the air conditioning so you could try to snag a few hours of sleep. 

While you managed to get a bit of rest, it was mostly futile. The quicker you got on the road, the quicker you’d get to jersey.

So with that, you packed up the van with all the food and snacks you had, reassembled the bed, tossed your bag in and climbed in the drivers seat.

I’m leaving, see you so soon!!!!!! you sent to Grayson, not being able to contain your excitement. 

4pm is not a night drive... he responded quickly.

shut up im excited BE EXCITED

you know i’m excited. be careful, I’ll call you in a little while x

With that, you drove out of the driveway for the last time, with New Jersey in the GPS. 

And the drive wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Grayson called you around 7pm to check on you and keep you company. You ate the sandwich you’d made as the sun set, and you continued down the road. It was peaceful if you were honest, and the van drove so nicely - Grayson really had done a good job. 

Although he tried to stay up, Grayson’s snoring took over around 11pm (2am jersey time you reminded yourself), so you hung up and starting blasting some of your favorite tunes to keep you alert and awake. Not having any traffic was a bonus, and you were amazed with the progress you were making. By the time the sun came up, you were already in Colorado. You resorted to driving until around ten, which landed you about at the border of Nebraska after a whopping 18 hours. You pulled into a non-sketchy looking parking lot, relieved that you’d found one.

I’m stopping to sleep for a few hours. I love you!

You sent it and started rummaging around in your bag, finding your toothbrush, toothpaste and pajamas. You brushed your teeth outside using your water bottle, changing in the car and cuddling up in bed. The bedding smelled a bit like the boys, which was comforting. Just as you started the settle down, your phone rang, Grayson’s contact photo popping up. You swiped over to open it, happy to see his face. 

“Hey baby, I was just about to get some sleep actually,” you said. And now that you had laid down, you realized how tired you truly were.

“I know. I’ll mute my side so I don’t keep you up, but I’ll be here in case you need me,” he said casually.

“Grayson you don’t have to-”

“I want to. It’ll make me feel better, knowing someone is watching out for you while you’re asleep.” 

It was so sweet that you started to tear up, so you just buried your face in the pillow instead.

“I love you.”

“I love you too baby, get some sleep.”

And you did.

-------------------------------------------------------------

night two

You woke up around five, fully refreshed - other than feeling like you needed a shower. You stretched out before getting up and heading to brush your teeth. When you got back in the van you got changed into some of the clothes you brought, happy to have on something fresh.

“That’s my hoodie.” The male voice startled you and you squealed, covering yourself.

“Baby it’s just me! It’s me!” It took you a minute to realize that it was Grayson speaking to you from your phone, which also was pointed where he could see you.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!” You huffed, pulling the fabric over your head.

“Sorry, I was just enjoying the show,” he blushed, smirking at you a bit. You rolled your eyes, but giggled with him as you climbed into the drivers seat once again, pulling out the dinner you had packed, deciding to eat a bit before getting back on the road. 

“I can’t wait to see you,” Grayson sighed. You looked at your screen closely and realized he was in his workshop.

“I’ll be there so soon. Now, go build some stuff, I’m all safe and awake now. I love you,” you smiled, knowing he would never be the first to hang up. 

“Okay baby. Drive safe, call me if you get bored.” 

“I will, love you!” 

And so you took off, heading through Nebraska. The states seemed to be getting quicker now as you passed through Iowa, then Illinois, and even Indiana. Grayson called, and even Ethan kept you company for a few hours on the drive, making it go by fast. By the time you got to Ohio, the sun was high in the sky and you realized you actually weren’t that far from jersey. Only another seven hours, and if you kept driving, it would put you at their house around 7pm. You thought about the cold brew that you’d stashed in the fridge in case you’d struggled through the nights.

You could use it, and you could make it. In all honesty, you weren’t even that tired as the excitement started to mount. 

But you also knew that Grayson would rather you just sleep, and that he was going to call you again. So, you had to hatch a plan. 

You pulled into a nice looking parking lot, prepared to set it into motion.

You changed into your pajama shirt, taking your hair out of it’s bun so it looked like you were getting ready to go to bed. Taking a deep breath, you facetimed Gray.

“Is it bedtime?” was how he answered, making you laugh. He was in the kitchen at home, making lunch you were sure.

“Yeah, I made some good progress! I should be getting in around 8am or so tomorrow morning,” you explained, hoping he couldn’t see through you. 

“I can’t wait. I’m gonna pamper you so hard for all the work you did, that’s a promise.” 

Your heart fluttered at his words.

“I can’t wait. But I’ve got sad news.”

He perked up at that, putting down the spatula he was using.

“My phone is kinda low on battery, so I don’t think we can facetime tonight. I don’t want it to be dead in the morning, and I can’t run the van,” you sighed, faking sadness. 

“Are you in a safe area?” 

“Yeah, I feel totally safe here. See, look.” You turned the phone around, showing him the lot you were in. 

He wasn’t happy about it you could tell, but he trusted you. And thinking about how excited he would be made you feel less bad about your white lie. 

“Well, okay. Just text me when you wake up okay? I love you.”

“Love you more!”

“Doubtful. Get some rest,” he smiled, hanging up. 

“Ha!” you exclaimed to yourself, smiling and fist pumping the air. Wow. You really were going crazy after being alone so long. You climbed in the driver’s seat again, pulling the cold brew out of the fridge and popping it open as you started to drive again. 

At first you were so excited that it felt like time was flying, but by the last few hours it was dragging by. The sun set, and the kiss of dusk was hanging over the trees as you got closer and closer. 

But when the GPS changed from hours to minutes, and the roads changed from interstates to back roads, you were fully awake once again. You’d actually managed to pull off almost 24 hours of straight driving. When you pulled into the driveway, there was a gate and armed security - the same ones that the boys had hired in LA.

“Hey guys, I’m early, I’m here to surprise Gray,” you explained. They were sweet like usual and happily let you through, closing the gate behind you. With some renewed energy, you stopped the van and brushed your teeth again - in all honesty, you felt disgusting and couldn’t wait for a shower, but the coffee breath was a definite no go. If you were going to kiss Grayson for the first time in a freakin month, you didn’t want to be worried about anything. 

Once you were back in the drivers seat, it was time for a little fun. 

You pulled your phone out, facetiming Grayson and driving super slow. He picked up quickly, concern on his face.

“Is something wrong?” was the first thing he asked.

“No, i’m okay. I started driving again cause I couldn’t sleep, but now I’m lost. My GPS took me onto some long ass gravel road, and now I’m surrounded by trees and I have no clue where I am,” you ranted, using every ounce of acting ability you had to not tip him off. 

“Slow down, hey it’s alright. Why don’t you just turn around and go back the way you came, and then we can figure it out.”

“I don’t know, I think theres a building or something up ahead of me, maybe a store? I could ask somebody for directions?”

“I’d rather you just go back. I don’t trust some random store at the end of some sus ass road. Just turn around baby,” he pleaded, getting a bit panicked. Luckily, you knew it wouldn’t last long because you were already in front of the house. You cut the lights on the van.

“Here, you tell me if it’s sus. What do you think?” You flipped the camera around, showing him the house. 

“I mean - wait. WAIT. WHAT? WHAT!? NO FUCKIN WAY,” he yelled, obviously freaking out. You laughed, hanging up the call and waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, you’d barely gotten the driver door open when Grayson came barreling out of the front door. 

You couldn’t contain your excitement as you unbuckled your seatbelt and started to climb down. Grayson beat you to it, coming to the opening of the door and reaching up to pull you out of the car. You were laughing as he grabbed you, wrapping you up in his arms. 

“No fuckin way, no fuckin way that you’re actually here right now! What the fuck!” 

“Surprise!” 

“Did you drive all night? Or all day? I just... WHAT!?” He was truly speechless and it was the most adorable thing in the world. He leaned back slightly so he could look at you, eyes wide with amazement.

“Maybe,” you grinned, shrugging. 

“God I love you. C’mere.” His hands slid down to your hips, then around to your ass and you knew exactly what he wanted. You jumped and he caught you as your legs went around his waist, and then his lips were on yours.

It was like the best first kiss you could possibly imagine. You’d thought about kissing him constantly while you were apart, but you were realizing that it had done this no justice. His lips were soft and warm against yours, the taste of him familiar and wonderful. Your hair started to move in the wind and you realized that he was spinning the two of you around, his boots crunching on the gravel beneath you. You could feel the smile on his face as you kissed him, never wanting it to end.

“Ewwwww,” was the only thing that could have brought you out of it, and sure enough, it did. Ethan was on the porch, leaning against the pillars. Despite his words, he was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Hey E,” you smiled, laughing a bit at how you must look right now, waving at him while Grayson was still holding you up. 

“Go say hi, I’ll get your stuff,” Grayson smiled, kissing your temple and putting you down. You turned and jogged towards Ethan, who gave you the biggest bear hug, even spinning you around a little bit.

“Missed you squirt,” he teased, swaying back and forth a bit.

“Missed you too,” you grinned, squeezing him tightly.

“Thanks again for uh saving all our possessions and moving all our shit.”

“You’re very welcome. And you also have a shoe problem, just so you know,” you teased.

“I do not!” He exclaimed, putting you in a bit of a head lock and rustling your hair. You pushed against him but it was futile, and you were stuck until Grayson came back and saved you.

“C’mon, let’s go say hi to mom and get you to a nice bed,” he smiled, putting an arm around your shoulders and leading you inside. You’d only been to the house in Jersey a few times, and it was under renovation, so the finished product was a very welcome sight. It was all light walls and tables with dark finishes, cozy yet bright at the same time, even at night. 

Lisa came around the corner, lighting up when she noticed you were there.

“Y/N! Grayson told me you weren’t gonna be here until tomorrow!” She gave him a bit of a scolding look, which made you laugh.

“That’s on me Li, I got a little too impatient and decide to drive on through,” you explained, accepting the hug she gave you.

“Well you must be exhausted, you go on upstairs and get some rest, we can catch up tomorrow,” she assured you, giving  you another squeeze before letting you go.

You didn’t even try for the boys bedroom - you knew that Grayson had been sleeping in the laundry room. So you headed in that direction, Gray in tow with your duffle bag in hand. As you saw the coziness of the bed, every last bit of energy you had drained from you. The crash was coming, and it was coming soon.

“You ready to sleep?”

“As tempting as that sounds, I really need to shower, I feel disgusting,” you mumbled. Just twenty minutes, and you would be able to sleep. You could do that, for sure. 

“Okay, here I’ll get you a towel and stuff, you remember where it is?” 

“Yep, I’ll be there in a second.” 

You rummaged through your bag, finding your toiletries and some clothes. But when you saw Grayson’s stack of shirts, you couldn’t help but snag one. Everything you’d had at the house had lost it’s scent, and you couldn’t help but breathe it in for a second before heading to the bathroom.

When you got there, Grayson was laying out two towels, and already had his shirt off. You stared for a moment, taking it all in, but even with the view your eyelids were heavy. You were fading, fast, and you had the sudden realization that if you all tried to have reunion sex later, you would probably be so exhausted you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. And you really wanted to enjoy it. 

“Gray,” you said, walking over to him.

“Did you find everything you needed? I’m sure mom has some extra stuff if you need it.”

“No I’m good, I have everything. It’s just-” 

He looked up then, cocking an eyebrow. It took him a minute, but when it clicked you saw him smile softly, coming over to you.

“It’s not about that. I just wanna take care of you, that’s all. I figured you’d be too tired,” he explained.

“I’m sorry baby.”

He just kissed you, hands finding the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head.

“No apologies necessary. C’mon, let’s get you clean.” 

You both stripped down the rest of the way and he turned on the shower, which was huge. The tile was white and marble like, and the water pressure made you feel like you were in a spa as you brought your toiletries in. Grayson washed his hair quickly while you let the water run over you, and when he was done you felt his hands find your shoulders, rubbing at the knots he found with his thumbs. You relaxed back into his touch, closing your eyes and resting your back on his chest. 

“Let me get your hair,” he said, reaching behind him to get the shampoo. You didn’t have a care in the world as he worked the suds through your scalp, making sure to get every bit of it before he started to rinse it out. By the time he made it to washing your body you were practically melted, so lost in the relaxation that you weren’t even sure it was real.

“You’re humming,” Grayson teased, pressing a kiss to your shoulder after you were rinsed off.

“Am I?” You mumbled, eyes still closed.

“Let’s get you dry before you pass out on me.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he helped you out of the shower, wrapping you up in a towel and kissing your nose. “You should let me do this more often.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, his statement waking you up a bit as you started drying yourself off.

“Well, you are miss independent you know. Miss ‘I can pack up an entire house with nobody’s help’ and ‘I can drive across the country solo, no big deal.’ I like when you let me take care of you sometimes,” he mused, rubbing his towel over his body and hair quickly before pulling on his boxers.

“Does that mean I get a free ride to bed?” You teased, keeping it light hearted even though you were melting at his words.

“Not dripping wet you don’t,” he smiled, taking your towel and running it over your hair, making you giggle. You were sure it looked something like Albert Einstein when he pulled the fabric away, but he kissed you anyways, passing you a shirt, shorts and your undies. You put them all on quickly, your limbs heavy with fatigue.

“Alright, off to bed.” With that, he scooped you up bridal style, carrying you out the door, down the hall and into the laundry room. He sat you down gently on your feet for a moment, pulling the covers back and climbing in, immediately opening his arms for you. 

“I know you’re not tired,” you mumbled, crawling into bed and immediately resting your cheek on his chest. You put one leg over his, wrapping your arms around his bare chest as he pulled you closer to him, burying his face in your hair.

“Doesn’t matter. Not a place in the world I would rather be. Now sleep so I can spoil you like I had planned to tomorrow.”

If you’d had any energy left you would have questioned him, but instead you lulled off to sleep in his arms, more content than you could remember being in a long, long time.