#i get this all the time with just like. link's trauma in general too.

[blueskittlesart]

in the nicest and most non-confrontational way possible. i feel like some of you think that anything that isn't directly openly spelled out for you within a story is "missed potential" or "unexplored." like. sometimes there are implied narratives. sometimes the point is that you as the reader are supposed to think and draw your own conclusions and participate in the story. the writers not directly spelling every little detail out for you doesn't mean that the story is poorly written or missed its own plot details somehow. PLEASE.

[ubeb0nes]

HCs of Sevika in Love ఌ

Congrats champ, you bagged a baddie!

**Reader is fem!

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It's not that Sevika has crazy high standards. Her wants in a partner are actually very straightforward; it's just that most people lack the base integrity and self-accountability to even catch her attention in the first place

I really don't think she'd ever fall for anyone from Piltover, there's just too many generations of trauma accompanied by a life lived under their foot for her to get past. She loves Zaun too much to ever love anything to do with Piltover

That said, she's attracted to the ideals she associates with the Undercity; perseverance, strength (doesn't have to mean physical), adaptability and loyalty. If you have her love, you most certainly earned it bae

For her, it's probably an "oh shit"/"oh no" type of singular moment, when she realizes she's fallen in love

Either you got hurt or in some position where her true feelings were forced out of her, OR it's during an achingly soft moment where it's clear how loyal/devoted you are to her, and only her.

Absolutely spends months denying herself. She will try to distance, reasoning that you're both better off without the notion of love walling you in.

Zaun is no place for that, she thinks. She recalls Felicia and her husband, dying together on that bridge while a twenty-something year-old Sevika, at the time, watched them fall.

The pain to know you couldn't save your loved one in your final moments (even worse to leave two young children behind). She couldn't imagine it. Didn't want to. Sevika knew that her road would end at a violent last stop, and she didn't want you anywhere near that. She thinks about having met you in a different place.

…But she can't fully hide how she feels about you, not ever. She may oftentimes be rough and ruthless, but even at her worst moment Sevika isn't a cold individual. She's too passionate about you, cares too deeply for where you are and how you are

So when you show up at her apartment to yell at her for being so cruel, for shutting you out of her heart instead of being a grown-ass woman and telling you what the fuck you did wrong, she lets you.

She lets you yell until you've tired yourself out, and then she pulls you into that embrace you missed so much. You hit her shoulder or her chest, weakly, because you love her like crazy and never wanna actually hurt her, and tell her to fuck off.

"I didn't wanna push you away, dumbass," she'll say to you, softly, as she presses a kiss to your ear, "You think I don't want you with me all the time? To tell you I love you and shit without it coming back to bite us in the ass? Of course I do. Of course I do. I just… I don't know how. But I'm gonna fuckin' learn, doll. I promise."

"You… you love me? Really?" "Doll, I don't even let Silco talk to me like that." "You asshole-!"

You're mad, but not really. How can you be? You two will make this work, she already gave you her word.

It's more likely for you to move in with her than vice versa. She lets you go ham on adding your personality to her living space, she doesn't have any strong preferences besides cleanliness

Always says I love you before she goes to work. Just in case. If you mess with her and don't say it back, she will get up in arms about it within two seconds of silence

"I could die, you know." "Babe, I'm just joking!" "Do you see me laughing??"

Obviously, lets her drama queen side show more. She's just all-around looser once she confesses.

She makes sure you know how different you are from others, how special you are. Even her posture is different the moment you're within arm's reach

Body language and physicality are Sevika's main fluency. When in love, you notice the way she angles her body protectively around yours in public, or how she always urges you to link your arm with hers when you walk.

You notice that she almost looks… smaller at home. You realize this is on purpose. She makes herself less intimidating when it's just you, lowering herself to your level and opening her posture to you

At home, she likes kneeling by your side when you're sitting on the couch, checking you over or pressing slow kisses to your hands.

Devoted, devoted, devoted. She never wants you to forget.

Every time you call her name, she always stops what she's doing to give you her attention.

"Sevi?" "Yes, baby?" Every time. It's grounding for you both, in a way

Her henchmen become your henchmen. They know better than to say no to your requests for their help. (Ran is down for antics with you regardless!!)

People all over the Undercity start to recognize you as "Sevika's woman". Not her "girl", you garner too much respect for that

You are the only person Sevika answers to besides Silco. Her close circle teases her that you turn her into a little lovestruck puppy

It's really only them who are even capable of teasing her about this, because her changes in behavior are so minute but so important

She puts out her cigarillos when you sit down with her. She always shifts you over to her left side (the side most capable of protecting you). Her eyes start scanning the room more frequently than before you'd arrived.

She figures out over time that she was wrong. When she holds you against her while you sleep, and you grab her hand half-consciously to press kisses to her wrist, she knows you don't make her weak

When you whisper that you love her against her neck while you sway in the kitchen, moving to whatever music vibrates from the depths of her beloved city, she knows you don't make her weak

When you pull her back together without fail, remind her that she is more than just a grunt in a revolution, a soldier that can be replaced, she knows you don't make her weak

There isn't anything she wouldn't do to get back to you. She has to live long enough to know what a good life in a liberated Zaun looks like with you

[prettyinpwn]

Stan Pines: A Masterclass in Character Writing and Symbolism AKA Stan is Godly, Literally (GF Writing Analysis Pt. 5)

If you're interested in reading a similar writing analysis on Ford Pines, please visit this page.

I've wanted to write a post on Stan for a long time, because I'm going to make a bold claim: he is THE best written character in Gravity Falls. I literally have never been able to find a flaw with his writing, and the reason? Not only does he have the markers of quality I mentioned in my post about Ford's writing (a want, need, character arc, realistic flaws), but...

I would also argue he is THE main protagonist and hero of Gravity Falls if I had to pin it down to just one, and his character arc matches the external conflict, that being Bill Cipher and the theme of growing up vs. staying in childhood and ego vs. selflessness, in ways that are just - and I'm not exaggerating - poetic. And the best part is, he had a lot more time and attention in the spotlight in the show than Ford, so everything I mentioned in the other post that was good about Ford's writing, ramp that up x100 for Stan.

His character also touches on multiple other fantastic themes: breaking generational trauma, healing broken familial relationships that seem unfixable, redemption, the misunderstanding of the family "fuckup" (although Stan is not that in the least, but that's part of his character arc), positive masculinity, true brotherhood, self-love, self-identity, and probably a million others I'm missing and will find out even just as I write this.

As for the godly part, well... you'll just have to read to the end. And no, I'm not kidding or exaggerating, either.

Okay, okay, gushing aside, let's get to the analysis. I'm not sure this will be as neatly structured as Ford's was, but there are just so many damn good things about Stan's writing that it's hard to stick to just one point. Let us begin.

Stan's Backstory: I Am Not Ford and That's Bad + Protecting/Providing for Family > Everything Else

So as I discussed in my post about Ford linked above, much of Stan's childhood revolved around Ford. His entire existence as a child was summed up by one question: how do I compare to Ford? This is especially emphasized in how their father, Filbrick, treated them. One of the end credits ciphers in the show reads as follows:

"A STUBBORN TOUGH NEW JERSEY NATIVE, FILBRICK WASN’T TOO CREATIVE, HAVING TWINS WAS NOT HIS PLAN, SO HE JUST SHRUGGED AND NAMED BOTH STAN."

Haha, very funny. But OUCH. Imagine knowing that your whole name is your name, was because your father only expected one son and was too lazy to come up with anything else. So literally, Stan doesn't even have his own name - his own identity - technically. Stan also was apparently the second twin born, so came in "second" even from birth, and being Ford's (either identical or very similar fraternal) twin, well... it's hard for someone to untie their identity from their brother's with those factors surrounding them as a kid.

There are many other factors that illustrate my point (Ford got Filbrick's name as his middle name, the way Filbrick literally put Stan on the lawn for sale as a kid for failing a test, etc). All in all, Ford receives their father's love, Stan does not, although we could argue that this isn't that great for Ford, not really, as I did in my post on his writing. Because it's a love that comes with a, "I'd also like to use you." attached (just like Bill, gee).

All in all, it's very obvious from all these context clues that Ford was the beloved one, and Stan was the unexpected one, from birth to the end of Gravity Falls, where he uses that to his advantage - albeit in a different context - to defeat Bill Cipher.

Worse yet, Stan happened to have a twin that was extremely smart and talented in a way that was easily noticed. Ford is a Golden Child, as I described in his own writing analysis post, and siblings of the golden child like Stan? Well... the other sibling(s) are often the Scapegoat. As the source in the last sentence states, the Scapegoat is "often blamed for family mistakes, discarded, neglected, and has been gaslighted into believing it was their fault. The scapegoated child is usually assigned at a young age and often carries this role through to adulthood and never loses the unfortunate title.". This can highly affect the Scapegoat's self-esteem, even into adulthood.

This page also covers the Golden Child vs. Scapegoat dynamic. Pay attention to these quotes from this source:

"You are the one the parent will come after when things are going wrong."

"You are subjected to their emotional and verbal abuse the most."

"You may even feel like you need to fix your broken family."

Also, take into account these panels from the comic, Lost Legends, released after Gravity Falls ended:

Yikes. A child doesn't say these things unless a parent has taught them that everything they do is wrong and they are lesser than their sibling. This kid's noticed how Filbrick looks with pride at Ford, but not him. And here's the thing: the item Stan stole in this comic that made Filbrick mad? Stan did it to clean it to make his father proud. Sound familiar? In the events of Gravity Falls, Stan works on the portal for thirty years and gets Ford back, and he gets... yelled at for it. Stan always has good intentions. Although, Ford has a point in the above comic panel: Stan does take shortcuts that get him into trouble. He did almost get jailed by the US government and end the universe to save Ford.

But this is a consistent theme with Stan's character throughout the show. Even WE as the audience first see Stan the way his family did - a conniving scoundrel and money-grubbing criminal - but through the events of the show, just as Stan's family starts to realize it, even when Stan does things that seem bad, like stealing radioactive waste, working on a portal described as a potential cause of the end of the world, has a ton of different identities, etc... we find out Stan had good intentions all along.

Even Stan's greediness? That need for money? That also stemmed from the same good intentions, because how ELSE was he going to afford Ford's mortgage to keep the Shack in order to keep working on bringing him home? It was also likely something ingrained into him from when he was kicked out. Because Filbrick told him, basically, until you make us the money that Ford losing his chance at West Coast Tech cost us, GTFO. Literally. :'(

So Stan... really IS not what he seems. He seems like a fuckup, a criminal, a liar, and a greedy conman. But really... he's a family defender, protector, and supporter. Want to have your mind blown? Intentional or not, let's look at the very first scene we see Stan in in the series:

"Oh look, I'm a monster!"

"Just kidding, I'm not. I'm someone else under what looks like a monster."

Yes. Stan's whole character arc is foreshadowed in like... three seconds in the first episode. The very first time we see him. Not just his arc, but also his role as someone that seems deceptively evil but is actually good. And not just the arc that Ford and Dipper take from distrusting Stan to finally understanding his good intentions, but also the realization WE as viewers have about Stan as we follow the story. Additionally - which we'll get into later - it's symbolic of Stan's internal character arc he takes across the series of realizing he himself isn't the monster that his father planted in his mind as a child, but a good person worthy of love.

All of that... in a few seconds of animation. If that wasn't intentional, then DAMN did the writing gods smile on the Gravity Falls team the day they planned this scene. Back to the point about who Stan really is: the family "fuckup" (not really, but we'll get to that later), and a family defender and protector. This is the true core of Stan's character throughout the whole series. Not only was he Ford's defender as a child, protecting him from bullies, but you know those scenes the fandom universally agrees on were Stan at his most badass? Ahem...

"Everything I've worked for, everything I care about, it's all for this family!"

"Turn around and look at me, you one-eyed demon! You're a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family."

Yeah. Look at what Stan is doing in EVERY single one of these scenes: protecting his family. And as bad as Filbrick was, just like I explained in the post I made about Ford's writing... Filbrick also passed down some things to Stan that make him the hero he is. And it's also stuff that Stan passes down to Dipper:

Yeah, it kinda sucked for Dipper at the time. Was it a perfect way of teaching a child to be tough? Er, no, although another mark of a well-written character is that they can make mistakes and have flaws; Stan's not perfect. And the fandom has criticized the way Stan passed down this lesson to Dipper, because it can be considered very similar to the way Filbrick passed it down to Stan. But look what it did: when the world fights and threatens his family, just like Stan, Dipper fights back. With punches, too:

So... to summarize this first part: Stan was taught from childhood "I'm not Ford, and that's bad. I am a monster unworthy of love that always messes up.", and his role is a family protector, which started with how he protected Ford from bullies as a child. This is the core of his self-identity. So let's get into the writing techniques that make a well-written character that I discussed in Ford's writing analysis post...

Stan's Core Want vs. Need

I'll quote my explanation of want vs. need from my own post on Ford I made about a year ago:

"When I took writing classes in college (and over years of writing in general and drooling over writing advice podcasts and blogs), I found that the best method for me, personally, when it comes to crafting characters is to focus on two major things:

1. Their want.

2. Their need.

On the surface, these look like the same things, but in character writing, they can be vastly different. For example, say that you have a character that greatly desires fame and recognition. They want these things.

But what’s the real reason behind it? Is it because they had a parent that was famous and want to live up to their example? Is it because they want to be adored by people? Is it because they were told they’d never amount to anything by someone and want to prove them wrong?

This real reason behind it all is the core need. Yes, they want fame and recognition, but they need it because, say, they have low self-esteem and need copious amounts of outside validation to boost it.

Tied to this need is usually a backstory reason (sometimes called their wound). Say your hypothetical character was bullied a lot as a child. Or abused by a parent. Etc. Whatever the wound was, it caused a big, painful hole in their heart that they try to fill and fix with their want.

So they go on a journey. The want is often the external journey. The need is often the core journey / character arc. Our example character seeks fame and recognition on an external journey, but deep inside, they realize they need something else, which is to understand that their past trauma/wound doesn’t define them, and fame and recognition will not be the balm they expect it will be. Often, they realize they had what they needed all along. They grow past their flaws associated with their seeking this want through understanding and instead pursuing the need."

I'll summarize Stan's character writing using these concepts right here, like I did for Ford in his analysis post:

“I want to be Ford because I want to be loved like he is, and I want to protect those I care about and do the right thing. But what I need is to realize is that who I am - not Ford, but Stan - was good enough all along, proven by how I've always protected those I care about, and I never NEEDED to be Ford in the first place. This stems from a wound from my childhood where I was a scapegoat child treated like a fuckup who never did anything right and could never measure up to Ford, and was conditioned to think that being like Ford was a ticket to earn familial love. I had what I needed all along: myself, because I am good enough and worthy of love, despite what my father taught me."

Stan's Arc: I Am Not Ford... and That's Okay

AKA Stan's arc is basically: learning to love yourself and be yourself, even when you were conditioned to think you have no value. Don't believe me? Guess what Stan does for thirty years: pretends to be Ford. And he literally does it by pretending to have died. He "kills" Stanley Pines AKA himself in a staged car crash to become Stanford Pines.

And guess how he defeats Bill? By pretending to be Ford. His greatest weakness is actually his strength, and then he flips it: he reveals to Bill that he's not Ford, he's actually Stan. And THAT'S when the antagonist of Gravity Falls is truly defeated - an antagonist that represents stasis, lack of change, and with The Book of Bill's context, an antagonist that never freed himself from his own past - is when Stan learns to accept himself and admit who he really is and learns to let the past go. And it's telling that this is what he says when he does it:

"Heh. Guess I was good for something after all." AKA: "Yeah, fuck what Pa said about me."

There it is. The moment of Stan realizing his father was wrong, and he was wrong for thinking himself a fuckup all those years. And this is the expression he pulls at this moment of realization; at the peak of his character arc, all while burning in flames like a phoenix reborn. It sounds corny when I put it that way, but LITERALLY, all the fire symbolism feels like it wasn't foreshadowing Stan's death, but his rebirth as himself after pretending to be Ford all those years. He's not burning who he is, he's burning away who he thought - who he was told - he was. Funny that it takes place in the mind, huh?

This is the face of a man who is at peace and finally loves himself for the first time in his life. That ain't just his mind burning. That's him punching his demon that's haunted him and his brother their whole lives, protecting his family as always, and, symbolically, punching a demon that represents the show's overall antagonist of the shackles of staying stuck in the past, forgiveness, and the value of moving on. He literally punches the antagonist - staying stuck in the past - to pieces and THAT'S when he wins.

Also, can we talk about how Bill and Filbrick share color schemes, and Filbrick even has a brick-like pattern in his suit (also, I mean... come on, he's got 'brick' in his name)? I'll let you make your own conclusion about what that means for Stan's character arc:

It's also telling that Bill Cipher's backstory is that he burned his home dimension and loved ones - including his family - to ashes. The Axolotl - Gravity Falls' equivalent of basically God, from what I can tell - says himself about Bill in one of the books released outside of the show:

"Saw his own dimension burn. Misses home and can't return. Says he's happy. He's a liar. Blame the arson for the fire."

Bill misses home. He wants the past and to hold onto his family, just like Stan and Mabel do. Isn't it funny how whenever Bill shows up... time stops?

And look what Bill says in Weirdmageddon: "This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning!"

Time stopped. He just wants fun. He's almost like a child that never grew up. And... look at what it was that Stan wrecked in A Tale of Two Stans as a teenager:

A perpetual motion machine. That thing that's not supposed to stop, just like time. Stan 'breaking' time by wanting to hold Ford in the past, with him, instead of leaving him to go to college while Stan was stuck in the past/Glass Shard Beach? That's what broke their brotherhood.

But what makes Stan a hero, and Bill a villain, is that he lets go of the past and his childhood. Bill never does. And he's defeated when Stan lets go of the past, something Bill never did. Why? Because he has family to make facing the future easier. He has familial and self love. Bill doesn't, because he killed his own. (Sorry, got off track again, but Stan's arc and story ties so deeply to the other characters' and the main themes that it's hard not to take some detours, because it illustrates just how well-written Stan is. Gravity Falls' story IS his story.).

Wanna know something cute? Wanna know how Stan realized he had worth during that scene after he defeats Bill? Why I'm betting the show runners showed Stan clutching to a picture of Dipper and Mabel as this happens? I'll give you one guess why Dipper and Mabel are so important to Stan, and why he clutches to their photo even as his mind is burning apart in the finale:

They're the first family members since Ford (whose love he'd lost) who loved Stan for who he was, not for who they thought he should have been. Mabel trusting Stan in Not What He Seems is basically the first damn time Stan's heard in thirty plus years from a family member that, "Hey, I trust you have good intentions and aren't just a lying fuckup. You're not a monster. You're not what you seem.".

Also, he's protecting his family. That always makes him happy, too, of course.

Ego Death and the "Stan is Godly" Part

Yep, we're taking this analysis post train all the way to "damn this is deep and PrettyinPwn is likely crazy for noticing it" station. The only reason I'm tacking this part on is that I saw a Q&A with Hirsch recently that sparked my attention. He was on his The Book of Bill tour, and someone asked if there was anyone more powerful than Bill in Gravity Falls lore. Of course, Hirsch said the Axolotl, but what he said about what Bill vs. the Axolotl stands for caught my eye:

The video in question. The question and answer starts around 21:22. The quote I want to point out is, though, is what we learn about these two beings:

Hirsch: "Bill's weaknesses in terms of his overconfidence, his ego, and his lack of ability to focus on one thing at a time are things that a being that has no ego, thinks on a long scale, and does have empathy is actually stronger than him because of those things."

So when we boil the conflict of Bill vs. the Axolotl down to simple terms - what makes evil vs. good in the Gravity Falls universe - is this: ego and selfishness vs. no ego and empathy.

Guess which characters wrestle with these themes? The correct answer is: ALL of them. But especially Stan and Ford. This is really what their conflict is about at the core. They both struggled with ego and selfishness, and that's when - in the story - they lose most. But they win when they choose selflessness and empathy. When they... drum roll, please... partake in ego death.

Well, let's describe an ego death. First, we must define what an ego is (source for all of the following quotes):

Ego: "The ego is a sense of self that you develop at a young age." and, "-relates to your feelings about your own importance and abilities.".

*cough "I'm the family fuckup and poor man's version of Ford because that's what people taught me to believe in my youth." cough*

And an ego death "-is the (often instantaneous) realization that you are not truly the things you've identified with, and the "ego" or sense of self you've created in your mind is a fabrication. In some instances, it can offer a profound feeling of peace and connectedness with all that is, as the walls of separation the ego creates come crumbling down."

*cough "I'm not Ford's poor copy, I'm not a fuckup, I have worth, and I realize this in my literal mind as I pull this expression-

-of total peace as the walls of my mind literally BURN around me" cough*

And, "When one comes through on the other side having released all the things they've identified with, with only their true spirit left, Kaiser says, they begin to live from a place of pure love."

*cough "I'll hold a picture of the ones I love and realize self-love as my mind burns around me because this is who I really am: a man who protects and loves my family and my family loves me" cough*

Cheeky asides, well... aside, are you seeing what I'm getting at, folks? Look, I can't prove that Hirsch and crew intended all this, but in my opinion: you wanna know why there are so many gags of Stan or versions of him melting or burning in the show? Why fire is such an important symbol surrounding him? Why there are so many times he's killed his own identity and became a "new" man again and again and again, be it as a young grifter, or as a drifter who became his brother to bring him back again, or as an old man who "killed" his own mind to save the world and his memories returned?

Because it's ego death. The rebirth of true self from a lie you were living. That's literally what Stan's arc is a metaphor for. Even better, he reaches his character arc's zenith when he does this:

That's not an old man punching a stupid little bastard. That's an old man punching what threatens his family, punching his own past, punching his own demons, punching his brother's demon, punching his prior identity, and - given that we know that Bill is a symbol of ego now - punching the personification of literal ego and letting it burn. There are, let's count, seven symbolic meanings in that punch at the very least. Maybe eight if you count that the rightside-up triangle is the alchemical symbol for fire, and by Stan beating it, it's symbolism of his defeating the fire that's eating his memories AKA why he gets his memories back. I could find more, probably.

And yes, the chubby old conman we love so much - and is the opposite of spiritual both in action and in Hirsch's words (he's said Stan is an atheist as an adult) literally has a character arc where he attains spiritual enlightenment that aligns with the god of the Gravity Falls universe - the Axolotl, who has no ego as Hirsch said - hidden under many layers of symbolism. I don't know if Hirsch and the writing crew planned this with Stan, but holy damn... this is what I meant when I said that Stan is the best written character in Gravity Falls, even if this part was unintentional. There are just so many layers of meaning here.

And the best part? Stan was this hero all along. Everything we cheer him on for - be it punching zombies to protect his niblings or spending three decades of his life trying to get his brother back - is when he's being selfless and empathetic. We love Stan as a character because he has a big heart. He's a good person because, as we described above, he is - through beating ego in a universe where its god represents a lack of ego - godly.

No, fangirls, put the sexy Hunkle art down. I mean literally spiritually godly in the Gravity Falls universe, at least in the way good and evil is portrayed in the themes and worldbuilding. No, I'm not exaggerating, either. Let's return to that quote about the Axolotl's powers and why he's stronger than Bill:

"-that a being that has no ego, thinks on a long scale, and does have empathy is actually stronger than him (Bill) because of those things."

Well... guess what Stan does? He loses his ego so hard he regularly kills his own identity multiple times in his life and goes through a symbolic ego death, he thinks on a long scale (thirty years long), and is empathetic and selfless to the point of sacrifice. And the Axolotl in real life lore? Xolotl, the god of Aztec myth? Guess what he's a god of (source):

Why I highlighted "vulture"? Honestly, this is just a neat little thing I wanted to point out, and was a part of a massive theory I was writing about Stan and Bill that sadly never came to fruition (although I may return to it someday), but here's a hint: what was Stan and Ford's school mascot in New Jersey?

I'll let you take away from all the above what you will. Let's just say: there are a LOT of similarities between Stan and the Axolotl and its real life god counterpart, Xolotl. Does that that mean he's literally the Axolotl when I say he's godly in the Gravity Falls setting? Maybe not.

Here's one last odd something that caught my eye. This is also a leftover from that theory I mentioned above, but I'll just... leave this here, because I don't think anyone else has ever pointed it out before and it expands on what I've been talking about:

Stan in the opening. The first time we see this guy, technically. He's sitting in his favorite chair. And as we all know, he turns to look at something. But just where the hell does he turn to look?

Half of you are like, "Well, what? What's he looking at?". There's a blue glow to his right, and you know what that blue glow is? The tank, which happens to have...

Could be a coincidence, maybe unintentional, but it's... kind of odd, not gonna lie. To have a character that embodies the traits of the setting's god look over at the setting's god the first time viewers see him. Just... a bit strange... and Xolotl was also a shapeshifter god, and given that Stan goes through so many identities in his life... and axolotls are able to regenerate limbs and so are a symbol of healing and rebirth like Stan - whose whole story is about healing and having multiple "rebirths" - is...

Anyways, I've gotten far off track mentioning things from that theory just for fun that I never posted. I may still post it, so I won't spoil all of it or list any more of the very odd coincidences between Stan and the Axolotl, but all you need to know from this post is that Stan shares a lot of similarities with his setting's god in symbolism, and embodies the power of the Axolotl AKA godliness in the Gravity Falls universe: no ego, selflessness, and knowing how to play a long game, because those are exactly the traits he uses to defeat Bill, as well as the traits that help him resolve his character arc wound.

So... now what?

I'm not really sure what to put here, to be honest. This post was a lot more meandering than Ford's was, but that's because there are so many different aspects of Stan's writing that are amazing, especially in symbolism. I hope it was coherent and made sense. A part of me was considering leaving out the ego death and Axolotl parts, but I thought it interesting enough to keep in. Let me know your thoughts!

[baisemains]

Elements of Desire

Chapter 2: Something’s Brewing

single mom!sevika x fem!reader

word count: 2.6k

contains: alcohol, mention of past relationship trauma, mostly fluff though

description: halloween brings you more treats than tricks.

ao3 link | spotify playlist

previous | next // sevika masterlist

A week goes by and you’ve yet to hear from Sevika, by email or text, and you’ve pretty much given up on the situation.

You’ve even asked Powder if she knows anything but all you get is a sad smile and “Nothing yet, miss.”

It’s finally Halloween, so you try to put it out of your head and enjoy the holiday, it’s your favorite and you always give your classes a pass that day.

The day passes quickly, you let the kids watch movies and exchange candy they brought, some even bringing enough treats for their entire class.

That night, you’re passing out candy with your housemates, a yearly tradition while the rest of your friends are over, drinking and hanging out.

Everyone's already a few drinks in, and the doorbell rings for the umpteenth time and you pass off the candy bowl to your friend at the front door, telling her you'll be right back.

You head to the bathroom and when you’re done, you check yourself in the mirror, happy with your costume choice and fixing your shirt when you hear the doorbell ring again.

With a hum, you make your way to the front door to grab the bowl again, opening the door when you're suddenly met with a familiar face.

"Powder?"

You barely have to time to register that she’s standing in front of you when you feel something push past you into your house.

Looking down, you see a little girl about eight years old waltzing into your front room, glancing around like she belongs there.

“Isha, get back here!”

Hearing a voice you recognize, you turn back to the front door just in time to see Sevika brushing past you, placing her hands on your waist to gently move you out of the way.

She quickly runs after the little girl and grabs her by the shirt, walking her back out to your porch and pinching the bridge of her nose.

Still not fully processing what just happened, you stand there blinking, body hot where Sevika’s hands were just touching you.

“I am so sorry about that, she’s stubborn about boundaries and not entering stranger’s homes,” Sevika sighs.

“That’s the fourth time tonight.”

At this point, a line starts to form so your housemate is standing on the other side of the doorway handing out candy as fast as she can to get them on their way.

You barely register them as you subtly check Sevika out, her costume making it extremely difficult.

She’s dressed up as a cowboy, and it’s taking everything in you not to stare too long.

A large black stetson sits atop her head, the wide brim shading most of her face from the porch lights, besides the strip of her face you can make out around the edges.

Her dark blue plaid dress shirt is unbuttoned just enough to see the top of her cleavage, tucked into a pair of black bootcut jeans that are covering some worn cowboy boots. Her black leather gloves cling to her like a second skin, and you can see her hands flexing at her sides.

You let your eyes roam back to her face, feeling your mouth dry up.

Sevika turns to you, an apologetic look on her face accompanied by her signature furrowed brow, when her eyes widen and start to roam over your body.

Her gaze lingers on you, taking in the view until her eyes land on your face again, eyebrows raising at the smile you try to hide.

"You, uh—"

Coughing into her hand, Sevika looks over her shoulder and yells for Isha to come over before turning back to you and gesturing over your body.

"Nice costume...You going to a party or somethin’?"

You feel a bit proud and maybe even flattered knowing that you were able to fluster Sevika, and you lean against the doorframe, crossing your legs.

"Thanks, it's uh-"

You clear your throat and wave a hand in the general direction of your clothes.

"It's a character from my favorite show."

Your cheeks start to burn, and you can't tell if it's from the alcohol or from Sevika's gaze.

"And nah, just the usual Halloween party with my roommates and some friends. No big deal."

You shrug, gently chewing on your bottom lip.

"What about you guys, how’s trick or treating in this neighborhood?"

Making sure to look at all three of them when you say that, Powder lights up and starts telling you how their night has been, and you notice your previous intruder is quiet.

Glancing at Sevika, you lean in to ask her something.

“Hey, is Isha okay? She hasn’t said anything since you guys got here.”

Sevika’s mouth twists as she answers you.

“Oh, um…she’s nonverbal.”

You feel like face palming yourself for being so insensitive but instead you nod and ask if she signs.

When Sevika tells you yes, you light up and tune back in to Powder’s story, laughing as she says something about getting full size candy bars for the first time.

Looking at Isha, you sign and ask what her favorite candy is.

She blinks at you and glances over at Sevika, who looks equally surprised but smiles and nods at her to answer your question.

Isha smiles when she realizes you can sign, her face taking on a shy grin at having your attention and at being included, which makes your heart melt.

"Reese cups!" She signs, her face lighting up at being able to communicate with you without having to rely on someone else and you grin back at her.

You notice Sevika watching the two of you out of the corner of your eye, her eyes flicking between Isha and your signing.

You continue talking to the girls, signing and laughing at their stories and jokes, and Sevika lets them take the lead for a couple more minutes before gently interrupting.

“Alright girls, we’ve gotta keep going. We’re on a schedule here,” she tells you apologetically, ruffling Isha’s hair.

“Say goodbye, we don’t wanna be too late.”

Isha pouts but waves at you before taking Sevika’s hand in hers, Powder still glued to their side, waving to you as well.

You move to close the door before you feel a hand gently holding it open.

“Actually, there was one more thing.”

Sevika is standing there, rubbing a hand on her neck, looking a little nervous.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and…I decided to let Powder enter the science fair.”

Your eyes widen slightly in shock, you had thought by now that she had decided against it so you were pleasantly surprised.

Powder apparently hadn’t known her answer either because she threw herself into Sevika’s side, engulfing her in a hug and almost toppling her over at the same time.

“Oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you!”

You laugh at the interaction even more when Isha hugs Powder, clearly wanting to be part of the moment.

When they separate, you smile at Sevika and reach your hand out for a handshake, much like your first meeting.

She shakes your hand and you savor the feeling of her palm in yours.

Her eyes bore into you as you say, "That's wonderful, Powder's gonna do great, I know it."

You let your hand linger until Sevika slowly pulls hers back, leaving you feeling a bit cold without the touch.

She clears her throat and jerks her head towards her daughters, still clinging to her side.

"Well um…we better get to the next house."

You nod and say your goodbyes, reluctantly closing the door as the three of them walk down the porch steps.

You lean your head back against the door as you close your eyes and sigh, the alcohol from earlier settling in again as you replay the entire interaction in your head.

A few seconds later, you open your eyes to see your roommate staring at you with a gleam in her eye.

"So…”

She smirks, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Was that the mom you were telling us about? Your jaw was almost on the floor.”

You feel your face warming up, knowing you’ve definitely been caught, and you walk over to the couch to take a seat.

"Yeah…" you laugh, unable to form any words when you think about Sevika’s eyes glued to you.

“She’s hot.”

Your friend nods her head, having also appreciated the view.

A whistle from opposite you has you looking up, seeing that your other housemate has stopped her conversation and joined the group.

Rolling your eyes, you lean your head back again and cover your face with your hands.

You let out a groan and let your hands drop to your sides as you sit up.

“It doesn’t matter though, she’s Powder’s mom, that would be so inappropriate.”

“Oh come on,” your friend whines. “You don’t want to bag the hot mom of one of your students?”

You grimace, smacking her with a pillow.

“No, I don’t want to bag a parent, what’s wrong with you?”

She cackles at that, taking a sip of her drink.

“You’re telling me that if she asked you out, you’d turn her down? Girl, please.”

You can’t deny that, so you try to change the subject.

“That would never happen, so it doesn’t matter! She’s probably not even single anyway, you saw her.”

She grins in response, leaning forward and wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh I did see her, that’s why I’m betting she’s single. She was checking you out just as hard as you were checking her out, dude. You’re just too much in teacher mode to make a move.”

You huff at that, rolling your eyes at her but knowing she’s not entirely wrong.

You think back to the way Sevika’s eyes slowly raked over your body, the way they lingered longer than necessary to take in your costume, and how you did the same.

“I could lose my job.”

Both your friends burst out laughing at your statement, even you didn’t believe that.

“No one is gonna give you a hard time, I promise, you’re not doing anything illegal, and she’d be the one asking you out.”

You look down and start picking at the skin of your cuticles, suddenly shy.

Seeing your change in demeanor, one of your friends comes and sits down next to you, nudging your shoulder with hers.

“What’s up? Why are you so against believing this chick might be into you?”

“It’s not that I’m against it, I’m just being realistic. No one’s beating down the door to take me out.”

Your friend slaps you lightly on the thigh, her expression hardening.

“Dude, what are you talking about? Anyone would be lucky to date you, you’ve just got no confidence because your ex was a dickhead.”

You bite the inside of your cheek.

The break up with your ex had really messed with your self confidence, it’s been a constant process of trying to get it back, and most of the time failing.

At this point you’ve got a bit of a complex, always doubting someone’s intentions if they flirt with you, wondering if they’re just trying to use you.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just still messed up about it.”

Your friend puts a hand on your thigh and squeezes, tilting her head so she’s in your line of sight.

“I get it, she was a huge bitch, but not everybody’s like that, okay? You’re a catch, and I’m gonna keep saying it until you believe me and get out there and start dating again.”

You huff again, turning your head to look at her and smiling softly.

“Thanks dude, I know I just need to get out of my head and start putting myself out there more.”

“Wait, that’s the first time you’ve actually agreed with me. I hope this means you’re gonna start doing it, which better include that sexy mom, by the way.”

You push her off the couch, a smirk on your face.

“Alright fine, you win. It’s a maybe for her.”

Both your friends squeal in excitement, now satisfied that you’ve entertained their ridiculous fantasies.

With the attention off of you, you let the thought of pursuing Sevika run through your mind, a small flutter starting up in your stomach at the idea of it actually being possible.

She was extremely attractive, obviously, but trying to picture it, you don’t know if it would ever work out.

Putting that out of your head, you follow the two girls into the kitchen and grab another drink, deciding to enjoy the rest of your night with your friends.

Unbeknownst to you, Sevika is at home in a similar situation.

After getting home with the girls and making sure they were both bathed and tucked in, she’s sitting in the living room with some jazz emanating from her record player and a drink in hand.

Taking a small sip, she closes her eyes and leans her head on the wall behind her, thoughts drifting to the events of the day, eventually landing on you.

At first, your costume was what got her attention, she won’t lie, you looked…good.

She’d thought you were attractive during the parent/teacher conference, but she had been there for more important reasons so she didn’t dwell on it past that night.

But once she saw how you interacted with her girls, especially how you were signing with Isha and including her in the conversation, she’d felt something else, something softer.

Endearment? Affection, maybe?

Isha usually had a bit of trouble making friends, she was shy, and people reacted strangely to her not talking, so to see how easily she took to you affected her a lot.

Sevika smiles into her glass as she thinks about how warmly you welcomed them.

Definitely endearment.

She thinks about how none of the women she dated in the last few years cared that much, barely wanting to get to know them at all, and so Sevika had kicked them all to the curb.

Her daughters were her number one priority, and somewhere along the way, she’d forgotten that meeting someone who also cared about her kids was possible.

Meeting someone, what is she talking about.

You’re Powder’s teacher, not someone she met at the grocery store.

She shakes her head, clearing her mind of those thoughts.

Sevika sighs and finishes her drink, rubbing her temple as she tries to think about anything but you.

Deciding that was her cue to head to bed, she sets her glass in the sink and makes her way to her bedroom.

She strips down to nothing and puts on a pair of sweatpants and a loose white tee, heading into her attached bathroom to do her nightly routine.

As she does her skincare, she thinks about how Vi, her oldest, took her shopping a couple years ago and told her she needed to start taking better care of her skin or she “wouldn’t be a MILF anymore.”

Laughing at the memory, she brushes her teeth and turns off the light, walking to her bed.

Slipping between the sheets, she settles in and grabs the book off her nightstand, setting her reading glasses on her nose as she leans her head back against the pillows.

She’s only a few pages into the autobiography when she finds her eyelids getting heavy, the day’s events starting to wear her down faster than she’d anticipated.

Sevika slips her bookmark in and sets the book aside, turning off the lamp as her eyes flutter shut and she drifts off to sleep, thoughts on one certain teacher.

[rayday-mayday]

I seriously don't get why antis believe that SA ( or just sex in general ) and violence are so far removed from each other. Like, of course there's how both rape/SA and violent actions ( murder, battery, etc ) are illegal and harmful, but there's a lot more on top of that that links the two.

Like, there's how SA aka Sexual Assault literally has the word "Assault" in it. You know, which is a crime of it's own that involves physical violence sometimes. Saying rape/SA of any kind and violence aren't the same/linked, inherently takes away the violence of rape/SA.

We could also take a look at the BDSM scene, where stuff like choking, spanking, bruising, biting, etc are quite common kinks that obviously go alongside sex, which, once again, links the two subjects.

There's cannibalism which is inherently violent, but often sexualized in multiple different ways. Be it the classical soft vore fetish art you see online, or the metaphors where cannibalism and sex are woven together to show some deeper meaning.

And there's also how classical horror media and ( fictional ) non-con media can produce similar reactions in people. I know personally that when I read yandere x reader fanfiction ( both with- and without non-con elements ) it gives me this form of rush that has helped me cope with the urge to be abused. And just here a bit ago I was playing Doors ( yes, the Roblox horror videogame ) which gave me a similar rush of adrenaline.

I know part of the appeal of monsterfucking at times also ties into the fear and horror of the creatures, which ties into the violence and destruction these monsters can commit.

There's also how both violence and sex can be practiced safely if everyone involved is consenting, and have the proper safety precautions in place; and how both can also be traumatizing if done without consent and/or without the proper safety precautions.

As you can see just by those examples, sex, violence, fear, and trauma are incredibly closely linked. This isn't to say that sex is bad or that violence is good, but that denying that all those subjects are tied together, or that saying they aren't similar, is just flat out wrong.

Tbh there's probably more examples out there, too, but those listed above are just the ones I can think of at the moment. Feel free to add onto this in the reblogs/tags/comments if you can think of any. I just wanted to ramble about this after I realized how similar the rush I get from horror games is to the rush I get when I read darkfiction.

[a-sparrows-melody]

Things I Would Change About PJO

(I might write a fanfic based on these points):

The whole Hunters-Of-Artemis thing. Like what do you mean Artemis hates all men. What about Orion and all the rest. What do you mean she hates Apollo. She loves him so much. Stop already. That whole thing was just erroneous interpretation of Greek Mythology and it felt really weird and toxic.

Annabeth and Percy's trauma bond. Annabeth is pretty toxic in a relationship, especially in the HoO books when she and Percy get together. Love their relationship as a concept but the way Rick writes it is just... not it. To show Annabeth as a "strong woman" he continuously makes her put Percy down - and not only in COTG and WOTTG. She literally judo-flips him when they met after that long traumatic period where Percy was suffering from amnesia and being killed so many times. I would love to see more of their dynamic as friends and make it a longer, healthier, equal-footed relationship.

Thalia Grace joining the Hunters and never leaving. What the hell. She only joined to escape the Great Prophecy 1. She can leave right after the Battle of Manhattan and take Percy's place in Great Prophecy 2.

Bianca being alive, only "lost" (never specified dead!). It's a pretty big plot-point for Nico and I think it would probably have a bigger impact on him to lose his only care-giver and watch her come back into his life after he's grieving greatly and he's in the process of learning how to live life without her. It would truly change up their entire systems and I would love to see Nico and Bianca coming to a point where they realize it's time to live their own lives. ALSO STOP TREATING BIANCA LIKE A PLOT-DEVICE FOR NICO. COME ON. DO BETTER.

Make Nico better. In general. The character has so much potential but is just reduced to "sunshine character's grumpy emo goth boyfriend" or "kid whose type is NOT PERCY HAHAHAHA SO FUNNY". Give him some more development.

LUKE WAS A GROOMER AND ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN HUMAN TRAFFICKING. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST FORGIVE HIM AND NOT OCTAVIAN, WHO WAS LITERALLY BULLIED AND MANIPULATED INTO DOING THE SHIT HE DID. If you want to hate Luke, hate Octavian too. If you want to forgive him, forgive Octavian too. Stop hating complex characters.

CALEO. OH MY GOD CALEO. LIKE ACTUALLY DIE. THAT IS SO HORRIBLE.

Piper does not need to be gay.

Jason does not need to die.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN GROVER DID NOT USE HIS EMPATHY LINK TO SEARCH FOR PERCY IN TARTARUS. SMH.

Percy should NOT have become Praetor.

Reyna should not be aro/ace or she's just horrible representation of both those things. STOP PUTTING EVERY ARO/ACE CHARACTER IN THE HUNTERS OF ARTEMIS.

Why would Nico search for Bianca and bring Hazel back? That thing makes no sense. His whole arc in TLO was to accept the loss of his sister. Instead, bring out Ethan Nakamura who is still angry and jealous and wants to bring balance to the world. He comes out on his own, BTW.

The whole "Wilderness school" plotline thing. OF COURSE monsters would come for Pipes and Leo. They're really damn powerful and really damn young. What the hell do you mean by they never knew anything till Jason? smh.

SOLANGELO. CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS BUT IT'S OUT THERE. Will is just a blank character to show that Nico's gay and prove he's over Percy (STOP WITH THE "NOT MY TYPE" JOKES OH MY GOD GET OVER IT ALREADY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU). If you're doing this, at least give me a good, long slow-burn. Or don't show it at all. Nico decides to live in normal life after being shunned and confused all his life in the magical world. Now he finds a mortal boyfriend and is actually thriving. His character is so beautiful like stop ruining him and using him as a goddamn plot-device all the time. Ugh.

CHANGE NICO'S COMING OUT SCENE! LITERALLY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT.

Jason and Piper breaking up was such a good plot point because not everyone falls in love but you need to make it heart-wrenching. Jason doesn't know what's going on. He's just dating Piper because that's what he's being told, that's what he did his whole life. MAKE IT HAPPEN IN HOO.

NO FRAZEL AND LEO LOVE TRIANGLE. ALSO JUST NO FRAZEL IN GENERAL. STOP WITH THE FRAZEL. THAT'S SO UNHEALTHY.

MAKE LEO ARO/ACE GODDAMN. He has so much potential. Like he always feels loveless? Like a failure? Feels a need to have a partner to prove his worth? DIE. MAKE HIM ARO/ACE. MAKE HIM DEAL WITH ALL THAT.

Actually valgrace is a pretty good plot point as well. valdangelo as well.

WHY AREN'T THERE ANY POLY SHIPS IN PJO? SMH. SERIOUSLY. SO MUCH POTENTIAL.

Don't kill me but... perachel is pretty good. I've written a small post about it here.

Welp this is officially too long. Anyway. I wanted to add more but this has been sitting in my drafts and collecting dust a long time so here you go.

[elkkiel]

A few thoughts on Caramel, in connection to Emergence and Euclid

Starting with Emergence:

Cramel gives more context to Emergence for me. Like obviously there's "Godspeed to my enemies who be asking for that call sign" in reference to intrusive fans, and "might bite right through your lenses" about behaviour online/during rituals (my interpretation). But, these lyrics in particular were really notable to me:

You know the behaviour, canines of the saviour

Relating back to my link between Caramel and the Room Below ritual: It's gotta feel horrible to go from the feeling of your fans saving you, to your fans becoming the cause of your pain. Your saviour has turned into a vicious beast, and it's a collective behavioural shift that you've come to know through personal experience.

Glory to the legion

Could go a couple different ways. It might be praise for his fans who stick together for the love of his music. Or, it could be a callout on the broader fandom's penchant for collective hate. Legion could possibly refer to the biblical Legion: a group of demons that act as one collective entity. Or, it could be interpreted in a military context—particularly Roman—which is a unit of soldiers. Given the challenging/lowkey spiteful(?) tone of the rest of the verse, it feels like he's saying "Wow look at you all! Good fucking job you guys /s smh"

Trauma for the neighbours

I wasn't super sure about this particular lyric, but it makes more sense to me now. Yeah, people outside our community but still adjacent to us (ex. other metal fans, casual listeners, etc.) get really fucking put off by our actions. There's a reason we get a reputation as a toxic fandom, because we are. People don't want to deal with us and get too close, or they're too scared to dip their toes in. We also force them to be neighbours and won't let them inside the house, due to how gatekeep-y some people can be.

Vessel himself is probably fucking terrified of us in some way, shape, or form. At least, if Caramel's lyrics are to be taken literally (which feels like it's the case, unfortunately).

--------------------

As for the Euclid connection, this is what really gets me the most. This is more of a general vibe from the contrast between lyrics from Euclid and Caramel. I guess it also ties back in with the Room Below comparison "You saved me". But this time, it's "I must be someone new"

There's so much hope for healing and becoming a new person beyond the pain in Euclid. And for him to now say "I thought I got better, but maybe I didn't" is nothing short of devastating. As for Emergence, the gentleness of how he delivers "Come on out from underneath who you were/don't you know it's time to emerge" feels so fragile. Like he's trying to coax out that hope he discovered in Euclid out of hiding, or begging for his new person to come back. Sorta like trying to get my cat to come out from underneath the bed, if that makes sense? Except, in this case, I don't even know if my cat's there anymore and I'm scared of what that implies. Or if I'll ever be able to get her back.

I was only able to listen to Caramel once, and I can't bring myself to read the lyrics right now because I'm still emotionally very raw. So apologies if I'm remembering this wrong, but I'm pretty sure there was one line about a broken parallel (or something like that). And juxtaposed against "A parallel I would lay my life on" directed towards us. Idk. I just. can't right now.

There's a lot more I want to do analysis-wise, so please share your thoughts. Especially if you were able to listen to Caramel more than once (you are Sleep's strongest soldier if you managed that).

In conclusion: what have we done?? We've caused so much pain. And I don't know how we can/if we can make amends now.

[twig-tea]

With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!

Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]

It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!

Twig's GL Rec List

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)

Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep

What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)

Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance

What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted

This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.

Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)

Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.

What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending

At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?

Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?

What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.

This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.

Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)

Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.

What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.

Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.

Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.

What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia

Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!

Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)

Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.

What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending

This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.

Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.

What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution

The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.

Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.

What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can

This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.

Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.

What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.

A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.

Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes

What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end

This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!

Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians

What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)

This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.

Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)

Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).

What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)

Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol

What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending

Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.

GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and

What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.

A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.

---

The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):

Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.

Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.

Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.

Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.

Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.

Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.

Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.

And a few additional links for people who even more content:

My Indian sapphic webseries rec list

My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.

This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!

My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!

SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!

Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts

FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.

@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.

Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.

In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!

*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 4

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

agatha once again protecting billy with her whole body.

"I didn't think it was real! I thought it was me, that it's my fault that I can't keep a job, that everything I touch turns to shit! That I couldn't save her!"

The poison drips through (yes I love Succession). Generational curse, generational trauma. The pain of who knows how many centuries of parents and grandparents and great-grandparents times a thousand. It's like a boulder that you're carrying around on your shoulders, and you can't see it and you can't put a name to it, how could you? How can you possibly know why your mother drank herself stupid, why your grandmother abused her children? You were born yesterday and drank all that poison without knowing what it was, you let it take it over and you walk around spreading it to the world.

And amidst all the pain, alice only ever chose to blame and hurt herself and she was always gentle to others. her biggest regret is not having been able to save her mom! you know why alice never turned into a villain like agatha? because her mom loved her. as simple and as that. lorna was so ill-equipped to save alice, she didn't know what she was up against, she was in a world of pain herself. and she went above and beyond to show her child how infinitely precious and loved she was.

oh wow, I usually say I'm crying as a figure of speech, but I am crying for real thinking about this.

lilia who has lived so long and experienced her big share of suffering, knowing all too well what alice is going through. there's so much compassion in her voice

jen stubbornly refusing to care about anything but her own pain, which is actually a very human way to respond to trauma? it's like she's at a crossroads and it's up to her to choose whether she goes back to being the force of good she used to be, or whether she goes down agatha's same path. I say it's up to her because it ultimately is, but she was so lucky finding this coven and community at such a crucial moment. agatha didn't have any of it.

no! don't apologize, you beautiful, generous soul! the sense of guilt and inferiority complex is real

agatha's face when billy is attacked

she starts running toward him even before alice

but when she gets there she freezes and lets alice go check on him

when she sees he's fine, she sighs and collapses against the door, clutching her chest.

lilia is really starting to get attached to everyone, and throughout her life love and loss have always been inherently linked. she already knows she's going to lose them.

okay jen refusing to leave the circle is still funny, I'll give her that

through all this rio has been watching and studying agatha, she always does. she knows that her diabolically smart wife loves to be in charge and come up with plans. she's being encouraging!

look at how small alice is! she's been helping and consoling billy just a moment ago, despite being miserable herself.

first of all, that's hilarious, so jot that down. second of all, you know agatha is so relieved she has to put on a show instead of doing something icky like, idk, sitting in a circle and talking about their feelings. and look at rio at the drums, she's already put all the clues together as well

oooh, she's doing the thing! she's detectiving! agatha harkness ladies and gentlemen, her hobbies are women, murder and puzzles.

and who gives her the solution? who has had millennia to study and commiserate human love and grief? she says it and she looks at agatha so pointedly.

The song that's so irrevocably linked to Nicky's memory, the song that she's been desecrating and using as a means to kill. A mother took it and poured all her love into it and made it pure again. Agatha has to live with that now, and you know that's going to take root inside her and affect her no matter what

this whole performance is patti going I might be singing backup again but watch me be a total diva about it

I LOVE YOU PATTI LUPONE

you'd think that alice should sing lead vocals here, seeing as it's her trial and her mom's song and all. WELL THINK AGAIN

the massive ego agatha has, honestly. you gotta respect that.

the feeling when you are the only normal person in a group of total hooligans. did I already say how gorgeous sasheer looks in that outfit? no I didn't. you are an apparition, sasheer.

but I want the song to have its own separate entry so hold on tight, brb

go to episode 4 part 5

[jesterkoops]

I have a couple of things I mused about in comments around here that I feel like developing into their own post. Since this one's gotten too long, I'm going to split them in two separate posts.

Re: Mark & Gemma

There's a lot of debate/denial about whether their love transcended severance or not, and also linked to the question of when love does transcend severance and when it does not. I honestly don't know if this is an answer the show will ever give us, or is something that will always be left to interpretation.

But, for Mark & Gemma, it did not transcend. Not completely at least. Definitely not on Mark's side.

This is canon and repeated again and again both in universe and by Dan, Ben, and Adam. So there's no way around this. No "well, but he did grow attached to Ms Casey". Attached is a strong word. He was empathetic towards her as another fellow innie/human being, and wanted to help her. His sculpting the tree has to do with the pain/guilt he carries within him (and we know the body stores the trauma; also reason why they're testing this new chip on Gemma), and the love o!Mark had for Gemma, but has nothing to do with how i!Mark feels towards Ms Casey.

And I think the answer to why it didn't is two-fold.

I think one reason it did not transcend is because Gemma is fitted with a new generation chip that is designed to provide an even stronger barrier than the one currently in use and do things the current chips can't do, like sever someone multiple times. So just as it stops the trauma of the miscarriage when she has to dismantle a crib, it might stop any chance of love transcending once she's on the severed floor as Ms Casey. And Ms Casey is something else entirely. Ms Casey seems to be something Cobel was trying that was harnessing this new chip in some new way. While Gemma's testing floor innies are still a Gemma in a different environment with her memories wiped, Ms Casey seems to have more than just her memories wiped. It's like what was wiped was also that humanity that allows that human connection with other people. I think that persona would not be able to trigger any "muscle memory" of having loved her in Mark because Ms Casey is a empty shell of Gemma, not just a Gemma in a different environment. Contrast this with Helena who carries Helly inside her, and viceversa, and how that does permeate to Mark on the outside.

The second reason, and perhaps the most important, is something @maatdraws explained quite nicely already, and that is that Mark's love for Gemma looks like had already started to fade by the time of her 'death', as we see in 2x07. Like I said in a comment under that post, writers don't include details and content for no reason. Not to bring everything back to ASOIAF/Jaime Lannister, but it reminds me of people dismissing Jaime's boner in the bath with Brienne as "well guys get boners all the time, no big deal!". Yeah, except this is not a real person, it's a character in a story, and when the writer points your attention to a reaction or a line or a detail it's for a reason that is supposed to drive the plot. They did want to hint at Mark's investment in the relationship withering away, leading up to that "I said I love you" from Gemma before she leaves. That line they also gave Dr Mauer when one of Gemma's innies is about to leave the room in a clear parallel. And how it's clear in that scene that she her response is forced because she does not love him.

I don't obviously mean that Mark doesn't love Gemma the way Gemma doesn't love Dr Mauer of course. He does love her. But that that love had started to cool off. Maybe because that's the way it does end up being in many many marriages that start and develop through those same traditional check-boxes we saw them tick in 2x07 (and tbh he is just a pretty bad listener and rather apathetic, look at his dynamic with Alexa too - just like he didn't listen to Gemma about ants vs plants, he didn't listen to Alexa about her being from Montana and not Minnesota). Maybe also because he is someone who checks out when things get difficult.

Which also explains the way he reacted to her death. Suddenly things were OVERWHELMINGLY difficult, so what does he do? Quite quickly after her death he goes off and severs himself, so he can spend 8 hours a day turned off, and the rest drunk or asleep, with Gemma's stuff in the basement out of sight. He doesn't even try to mourn her. He doesn't even give himself time to say "I can't cope with the grief". And I think that a lot of that pain was guilt more than actual grief. Guilt at not going with her, guilt that he could have been better, guilt that the last thing he said to her was a distracted goodbye where he had to be prompted. But had she not "died", he would have probably just continued to drift away. Would this have led to a divorce? Probably not. But it might have just turned into one of many lukewarm marriages.

And I think this might tie in with what Dan's vision for the show has been since the beginning, and the ending he often talks about being unchanged despite the evolution of the show. That Mark was always meant to never get his wife back. I kind of started to put the pieces together while replying to comments under an anon I was replying to and thinking about the original outline - the one where Mark and Helly did not have a romance and Dan considered making Helly the wife, but then created Ms Casey/Gemma because Helly would have been too easy to guess. If Mark and Helly were not meant to be romantic, and Helly being the wife was a viable option, it might mean Mark's love with his wife was never meant to transcend severance. And once they created Ms Casey/Gemma, Helly became her own character and she was 'free' from the plans Dan had for an endgame and could become her own story. And her relationship with Mark could become its own thing. Again, it reminds me of GRRM's original outline for ASOIAF, where Jaime was supposed to be the 'evil king' character and then he split this character into Jaime and Cersei and each character became their own thing with their own arc.

But the endgame where the wife is concerned remained unchanged. If you combine it with so many quotes recently from Dan and Ben about this always having been the story of someone who becomes whole through accepting their pain and grief, it adds even more weight to this idea. Or the fact that Dan said he didn't have a clear plan for Ms Casey/Gemma beyond her being the wife and the Cold Harbor stuff. What pain and grief is there to accept for Mark now that his wife is alive? The pain of acknowledging he was losing her even before he lost her, and that the choices he made after she was gone mean he is going to lose her anyway.

And/or maybe... maybe Mark's grief isn't over Gemma, but over himself. He has to let go of the person that he was in order to move on and become a better man. That also fits with the theme Dan talked about of becoming whole through discovering new parts of yourself and embracing them. Maybe o!Mark's journey is to realise that Mark Scout is the past and he should let it go. And that he was not all that great after all. He said it to Reghabi that maybe he could have done things differently, and listened more, and Mark S IS doing better and listening more ("I'm a little nervous"/"Turn around and bend over" vs. "I am nervous"/"Me too. It's ok."). And that by embracing Mark S he can move on to a new, better version of himself.

[ficsinhistory]

Do you have any headcanons for SCU!Amy?

You give me WAY to many power, anon. Let's go!

Amy comes from Little Planet. That's it, you can't convince me otherwise.

Because she was born on Little Planet, Amy can use her chaos energy for temporal manipulation. See the future and past, travel through time, etc.

Her people are a more pacifist, technological, diplomatic and peacemaking society. They believe in the power of the collective and that love transcends time. Hence part of her personality. They also believe that the flow of time has to be free from interference…something she doesn't agree with so much.

Amy actually knows Sonic, but neither of them remembers it because Little Planet only appears once a year for a month and she shows up the last time before he ran away. Amy landed on the island one day and ended up bumping into Sonic. They spent the month playing before she had to return for good and promising to come see him the following year. Amy never found Sonic again.

I believe Amy is a very powerful chaos energy user, especially since she is also a hedgehog. All of them, like Shadow and Sonic, have enormous and innate powers and I believe she does too. This even puts a target on her back.

She wasn't much older than Sonic when Little Planet was taken over. The whole thing was extremely traumatic for Amy who saw everything she knew and love die and the feeling of helplessness she felt motivated her to never be so helpless and incapable again.

She was captured by the creator of the Metal Sonics (probably Ivo) because of her powers when she was younger and had a quill stolen from her before could escape. This is how robots travel through time and why they have pink energy. They also can track her because of this. She blames herself for being the reason these threats are running wild and tries to make up for it.

Like Sonic, Amy was sent to Earth by a guardian who loved her, but she was instructed on a mission to protect (possibly protect the Time Stones and even Sonic) at any cost, even her own life. Contrasting Longclaw's instructions to Sonic which was to protect himself. Yes, it's so mess up to her as it's sounds.

She is on Earth at the same time as Sonic. However, she never left the New York area and being so good at hiding, never knew about him nor he about her.

Her hammer came from a factory of Little Planet, which canonically has an advanced industrial hub. She get it during the invasion to protect herself.

Amy has been fighting Metals for years and they always come back more refined and better. The only reason she hasn't been defeated is that her powers give her an advantage with vision of the future and Amy is naturally a strategic and inventive mind.

It's unnerving for her to destroy the Metal Army because they look similar to Sonic. Her mind can't remember him, but subconsciously, she knows she's seen that face somewhere. She's thrilled when she finally meets the real Sonic.

Just like Sonic's, Amy's powers are linked to emotions and since the trauma of the fall of Little Planet, her temporal abilities don't work very well. More specifically, her ability to see possible futures and remember her own past, is very scary for her. It's only when she meets Sonic again and they commit to dealing with the past together that it return to normal.

Amy's emotions in general are a mess. She is traumatized and lonely, while also being loving and optimistic. Because of her mission, she is afraid of putting even more people she cares about in danger, which leads to self-isolation. And just like Sonic, she tries to distract herself by wandering around New York and observing friends, couples, and families.

She's obsessed with musicals. She's also crazy about magical girls and has stacks of manga in her home. Amy also loves writing.

She lives in the post-credits park, in her own cave. In addition to manga, she has fairy lights, musical posters, various pink things, fashion magazines and exterotypically feminine things. Cloths? She loves it. Pop white girl music? You can bet. Rom-com? Please, she's a New Yorker.

The moon reminds her of Little Planet because it is also a satellite. Imagine her shock of seeing it split it.

She has survivor's guilt and thinks the Metals are her fault, so Amy has very little self-preservation. This leaves everyone, especially Sonic, a nervous wreck.

Amy believes in unconditional love, and is a lover of all living things. Following the philosophy that all life is valid and precious. Love is the only thing that transcend time.

When Amy meets the Wachowskis, she is delighted and excited. She has finally found people she can be around without fear, who she gets along with and who are part of her mission. Yes, she loves Maddie and Maddie loves her.

This girl collects friends and allies as Pokemons. Tom and Maddie? Folded for this cute, pink girl. Tails and Knuckles? Automatically siblings. Even Shadow can't handle this girl's absolute resolve for friendship. He knows resist is useless.

She and Sonic have a mutual crush, but they're really bad at it. Between the traumas and the similarities, it's just… amazing and scary to have someone understand you like that. Love is being seen, and Amy doesn't know how to feel about being so seen and vulnerable like that. All Amy knows is that she loves this boy very much and would hate to be responsible for taking him away from his family. That said, she can't hide it. Is so obvious.

Although she is in love with Sonic, her favorite Wachowski brother is Tails. They're tech siblings and strategic pals.

Knuckles and Amy get along very well. She has heard of his reputation as a warrior and he knows the stories of the mysterious Little Planet. They are both happy to finally have a sparring partner.

Amy's fighting style is very aggressive and destructive. She feels a lot of anger towards the Metals and this is quite a fuel. It reminds a bit of Shadow's practicality and brutality.

She is so empathetic and kind to the point of being disarming. Amy can get the truth out of anyone like that. One look into those green eyes and you are doomed. She will win you over with the power of unconditional love and non-judgmental listening.

Empathy plus temporal powers allow Amy to know everything about someone. It's scary and she knows it and likes it.

She is very good at hiding and uses this to her advantage when she visits New York. Although sometimes she likes to mess with people she finds rude by revealing herself a little and saying "no one will believe you" before smiling and walking away.

Amy has a temper and is very angry. And she is in New York. Pretty much the best place for her to hide.

She can love everyone but herself.

[irukasito]

Following the idea that Kakashi gave up parts of himself while in ANBU, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk about how and when he and Iruka came into each other’s lives. I mean, you start off thinking that Naruto is the only link between them, but once you get to Shippuden it’s revealed that they took a mission together before Naruto was a student to either of them. And this turns their dynamic on its head, because suddenly they exist outside of the co-parent dynamic they get put into and become more three dimensional as characters because of how they influenced each other.

We don’t know much about the mission itself, except that Iruka was hurt because Heart Too Big™️ and that Kakashi tried to take responsibility as captain when questioned by the Sandaime (which probably poked at his own trauma around letting comrades get hurt but thats beside the point). While I do wish we could have gotten an episode or two about that mission, we know all we need to know from what we’re given, specifically that the versions of Kakashi and Iruka that went on that mission were unevolved versions of themselves (compared to how they’re portrayed in the present) and that the versions of them that came out of that mission were changed, or would be changed.

Iruka, for example, realizes and passionately proclaims that he now understands his role as a shinobi is not in the field, but in the village as an instructor passing on the will of fire to the next generation. This clarity changes and sets him on a path toward teaching Naruto later on. Kakashi is changed by virtue of witnessing Iruka’s commitment to not just the will of fire/the village but to future generations. 

The Naruto timeline is a mess, but I do think that the Kakashi watching Iruka and the Sandaime talk is the version of Kakashi that was recently discharged from service as an ANBU (the ages line up well enough). This Kakashi is still jaded and disconnected from his purpose as a shinobi/person after years of working as a weapon for the village in its shadows. You get the idea from the Kakashi ANBU arc that, for all that time, he ran missions like a machine and lost sight of what it was all for. 

(This is also when it becomes clear that they’re foils for one another. The version of Kakashi on that roof was still functioning in the same ways he used to in ANBU, exceptionally skilled and emotionally distant, just under a different title/command,and Iruka, in comparison, was just a chuunin, too emotional and immensely dedicated to the village and its people/will of fire.) 

The scene on the roof is a wake up for Kakashi in terms of reminding him why he does missions, what he’s protecting, etc— it’s sort of a redux of Obito’s speech about comrades and Asuma’s king allegory, which is why I think he (as its alluded) attaches himself, trusts, and seeks out Iruka so often throughout the series and bonus materials (at least in a way he doesn’t for anyone else, that we can see). Iruka, and his dedication/essence/drive, is something he recognizes as invaluable and worth preserving because Kakashi understands that’s what preserves the village, ultimately. Not war, not missions, not killing, but protecting the people in it and a vision for the future. (Sidenote: this is also why Iruka is there in the early seasons when missions get handed out.)

I’m rambling, but to reiterate, hearing Iruka talk about the will of fire and the future pulled Kakashi back into his body after so many years of being in fight or flight, his humanity pushed aside. In fact, the passion Iruka showed made enough of an impression on Kakashi that he remembered it and noted its absence years later when they were on the bench (“there’s no spark in your eyes”/ “your eyes had a spark back then”). I don’t doubt he committed the moment to memory, sharingan be damned. 

 I say this alot, as a proud Iruka supremacist, but Iruka is the will of fire. The Sandaime recognized this in him and nurtured it. Kakashi recognized this too and helped/protected him throughout the story by listening to him (the bench), assuring/comforting him (regarding Naruto in the earlier seasons), encouraging him (the vice principals exam), and saving his life even if it meant putting his own in danger (the 3 kunoichi from Takigakure, Pain). 

And if Iruka is the will of fire, then Iruka is the personification of Kakashi’s purpose and a major facet of his humanity. And while the jokes are funny, their relationship goes far beyond just being co-workers or co-parents to Naruto. Iruka helped turn Kakashi from a blade to a shield-- something that gets underscored in Kakashi Retsuden when he shows Kakashi the non-lethal way to restrain enemies, as Konoha implemented different measures under him-- and Kakashi helped him stay on the path he was meant to be on. Not to mention they grow so much closer as time goes on, taking care and confiding in one another in different ways. It’s a really beautiful relationship, whether you see it as romantic or not.

[flyinguraniumrod]

A thing that I have never seen anyone bring attention to: the lines under Cyberverse Astrotrain's eyes

In 3d it really looks like dimples under the eyes, yes

(the pic is better without the zoom buuttt at least the thing is more visible, also, I don't feel like looking for screenies in the show rn)

I've been feeling the need to mention this for quite a long time and I got reminded of that today rkjxwkktkgnrnt

Let's take these two elements of his face's design into consideration: the lines that go under his eyes and the lines that go from the sides of his mouth. One knows what those are when translated to human standards.

On one hand, they can indicate greater age, being tired. And on the other one, they could additionally be tied to severe and long lasting stress, even trauma, which could have come from his experiences in the universe he originates from.

I shall also add another thing that I have just noticed: his eyes seem to be rotated outwards quite a bit? Unless, it's just a matter of perspective in this one scene... oh wait it did turn out that it's just the perspective but I will keep this part here anyways, lol

That's the thing which makes me one of the people who wish we knew more about that alternate reality, in which Megatron wins the Great War and creates a master race of Decepticons, additionally getting rid of those who he deemed unecessary. Honestly, if there were a few or so episodes set in it, exploring the world, showing the processes that had happened among the Decepticon ranks, the fates of those who resisted, I would have watched them with excitement (well, I'd probably even want 2 whole seasons of that, lol).

Coming back to the topic of Astrotrain, saying that he looks tired is an understatement. He was kept close and abused for milions of years, even tortured. He has a fear of coming back to his original universe, his old master (therefore, the original Cyberberse Megatron has means of threatening him). Addtionally, it is extremely possible that he lost a few 'cons who were close or even very close to him during his universe's Megatron's purges and executions. Astrotrain is a triple-changer whose massive size combined with the shuttle alt mode make him a very valuable asset, as it is obvious that transporting troops is a crucial element. (Well, transporting the high-command could also be an important thing to such a tyrant as "the other" Megatron, hoh)

And yes, all that while keeping in mind the way he acts, the sadism in his personality, the way how he likes to joke.

All of that makes Cyberverse Astrotrain (and maybe even Astrotrain as a character in general, not just the one from this show) yet another triple-changer with a considerable amount of character and character depth building potential. I shall repeat this: I am of the opinion that the triple-changers are really underused in this franchise, even though I know that the reason why they don't appear so often could be how difficult it is to make decent toys of them, lol. Oh and I am not going to forget about the potential they have in fights (especially Blitzwing tbh)

Oh, I will also come back to the very first line of this yapping session: I haven't been on tumblr for too long so I shall ask: if there is some truly splendid annalysis of Astrotrain then I would really appreciate a link to it if that's possible! (Could also be that of any other triple-changer)

Man, would be noice to see a post with Cyberverse Astrotrain that isn't just about shipping him with Dead End, hahah /hj

However, lastly, I would like to mention @/elili0000's quite-old artwork regarding the story about Cyberverse Astrotrain and their own version of Cyberverse Blitzwing that they had made. It's been a while but I remember that I found it amazing, lol

[shaymincafe]

Ask Karma

Okay so since we're dispensing advice into the community for our newer members, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring with an ask blog etiquette item that I think people have somewhat neglected recently: ask karma.

Ask karma is the practice of sending asks back to people who have sent you one. When someone sends you an ask, it is generally expected that you will send one back in return. It is to your mutual benefit to do this since now not only do both of you have asks in your inbox to work with, but it also exposes your blogs to each others' followers and can potentially gain you new readers.

Ask Calls are a Two-Way Street

Generally speaking, when someone makes an ask call, you should view it as a quid pro quo situation. Unless the person explicitly states in the post otherwise, they usually wants asks back in return for the ones they're sending out. While this is not always the case, like with me where I have way too many asks already and don't need more, more often than not, this is the expectation and it's bad form to not do so.

It's the equivalent of borrowing someone's pencil in school and never giving it back. At the end of the day, it's not super consequential, but the person whose pencil you just took isn't going to be super happy that they gave that to you and got nothing in return. You feel me?

This is especially true for written blogs, who I have noticed tend to get hit by this the most. Written blogs can get through their posts a lot faster than most art blogs and therefore need asks more often. But they also tend to get a lot fewer asks!

I experienced it myself during the PokeAskMagi event where I sent out around 20 asks from @askthewhiterocket and got back 7 in total for the entire event. By comparison, Shaymin Cafe also sent out around 20 asks and got approximately 12 in return. Not a lot more but it's still a better ROI especially consider Shaymin Cafe was the far less active of the two blogs during the event.

Everyone who sent an ask to Ask the White Rocket also sent one to Shaymin Cafe, despite the majority of the blogs I interacted with getting asks from BOTH of my blogs. In addition, during my final ask call for Ask the White Rocket, I got 1 ask in return for like 5 sent out, even after explicitly stating that the inbox was empty and I wanted asks.

I realize Shaymin Cafe is a popular blog and since I had two blogs, people probably ended up just sending an ask to the more popular blog of the two since Shaymes is a fun character and such. But the same thing happened last year when Shaymes wasn't even an active character and I was really only answering asks from Kyo's blog. To be quite frank, that's unfair to the written blogs, and unfair to me too.

It takes time to send asks. Ask hints make it easier, sure, but not everyone has them. Additionally, not all ask hints are incredibly straight forward. Some require you to read a bit in the blog's backlog if you aren't familiar with it to craft an ask that a person can work with (this is why I tend to link stuff with my ask hints). Some people might also want to double check the rules of a blog first or read up on the characters to ensure they're not sending a human character to a blog that doesn't allow them, or a Gengar to a character with trauma from ghost-types without expressed permission from the creator first. This goes doubly so when you're sending asks out from multiple blogs, like I was during the event.

That effort should not go unrewarded, so the least you can do is send an ask in return! It's just good manners.

This also goes for Munday asks

Admittedly, I am pretty bad about this myself, so we're going a little pot calling kettle black, BUT it's generally good form to also send Munday asks back to people who send them to you. Now if they're not open to Munday asks or w/e then no sweat it's fine, but let's be real, we all like to yap. We all like to talk about our characters. We all enjoy answering Munday asks, so spread the love and send asks back to people who send them to you.

Part of the reason I don't really make the effort to send out Munday asks much anymore and part of why I don't open for Munday as frequently either is candidly I got very tired of sending out like a dozen Munday asks to everyone I saw open for Mundays and then getting like... 2 in return. There were a couple weeks back in like July-August were I quite literally got 0 Munday asks, and it was incredibly disheartening. Like, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed coming up with questions for other people, but it was also a total downer to sit there the entire day waiting for asks to come in and then never getting any. Not even one asking how my day was or how my weekend went. Total and complete silence.

And sure, thinking of questions is hard, I get it! You wanna know my secret? When I was sending out Munday asks regularly, I googled first date questions or improv icebreakers. There's so many great questions to ask people from those. Sure, they can be be incredibly shallow and I'm sure any veteran ask blogger whose been at this a while has probably asked and answered whether they like coffee or tea better. But I'd rather answer that ask for like the fourth time than get nothing because then I'd at least get the opportunity to talk about my thoughts on both for a minute.

This also goes quadrupley so for the memes. There are times where I see people reblogging memes and going the whole day without any interaction because they're a smaller blog. And I'll admit, I straight up have sometimes gone on anon and sent them like three asks back to back because I didn't want them to feel like no one cared about them or their characters. They deserve to get a bunch of asks too, that's part of the fun!

And I think with memes the not sending asks in return is far less excusable because usually there's emojis or numbers that you can literally just copy and paste into the ask box. I cannot tell you how many times I saw blogs I'd never met before reblogging a meme post and it took me all of five minutes to go pick a random emoji and a name from their cast page and drop that into their inbox. It is quite literally that easy.

You should also, generally speaking, send an ask to the person you got the meme from too. Whether they were the one who created it or simply just brought it into popularity, sending them an ask for the meme is a nice way to say thank you for letting you use it too. It took time and effort to create and/or find that meme, and I guarantee you they did not do it simply because they wanted other people to use it on their own blogs. They did it so THEY could answer asks from it on their OWN blog. So give them the opportunity to!

FAQ

The blog I want to send an ask to has (insert species of character) and my blog doesn't interact with that (or vice versa).

That's fine! You don't have to send an ask in character if you don't want to. Sure that's the norm, but if the casts of your blogs are incompatible for some reason, then by all means just don't send an in character ask.

The blog I want to send an ask to doesn't have readily available/up to date asks hints.

You have a couple options here. You can read back through the blog to see what has recently happened to get a feel for what might be a good ask. If you're lucky maybe they'll have a taglist somewhere that'll make backtracking easy. But if not, skimming is fine too. Otherwise, just directly DM the blog and ask them what kind of ask they want. I've done this several times and that can be a great way to get a blog exactly what ask their looking for.

The blog I want to send a Munday ask to is doing a meme I don't want to engage with.

Send them a normal question then! I guarantee you they wouldn't be opposed to answering something opposed to the meme, and even if they don't respond, they'll at least know you tried to return their ask.

The blog that sent me an ask said in their ask call they don't want asks in return.

No need to send one back then! If they said they don't want any, then they aren't expecting any in return. I do this all the time! Sometimes we just like sending out asks for fun and that's a-okay!

The blog I want to send an ask to has closed their inbox.

That's okay! In this instance, it is perfectly reasonable to not send an ask in return. If they've closed their inbox, they're likely not expecting asks back. So you're totally in the clear to not send one in return. No need to go crawling through their submission box to send one in (people actually don't usually like this). Just maybe keep an eye out in the future for if their inbox reopens!

Unless they like explicitly made a post asking for asks within like the last day. In that case please tell them because they probably forgot to open it again (happens more often than you think).

The blog I want to send an ask to doesn't have an organization system making their story, characters, hints, and other materials used in ask crafting difficult to find.

In that case, the burden lies with that blog, not you. Organization is EXTREMELY important. Skins covers this a bit in their ask blog advice post. Having easily accessible tag lists, ask hints, and casts pages can really help with getting asks sent your way. In the same way it isn't fair to someone to not send asks in return, it's equally unfair to make someone scroll through a bunch of meme reblogs just find materials to send an ask with.

The best you can do in this situation is message the blog to ask them for what they want. But if the materials to craft the ask aren't readily available to you, that is on them not you.

In short, please exercise Ask Karma. If someone sends you an ask, please send one back! Thank you!

[journen]

do you have a list of good CoD fanfics, or favorite writers in general?? <3

Presented in no particular order, here are some of my personal faves / fics I really enjoyed, and my own summaries for them. Hopefully you enjoy, thanks for the ask, anon!!!

I didn't tag all the authors because I'm not sure if they all have tumblrs, but also I'm shy tagging people ahjdfhkaheje. If any authors here are mentioned tho and you have a tumblr, feel free to lmk and I can update this post to include your tag!!:)

Anything rated mature I colour coded the name in red, and anything explicit green. Not all the mature fics feature smut, but yeah! I didn't want to link anything tooooo explicit here, but if anyone wants any, I can definitely rb this post to add a few more 😅

Also, just beware the tags on any of these fics because some feature kind of heavy subject matter. 👍

COF FIC REC LIST:

A Very MacTavish Christmas - @m3rrywe4ther

Prob my fav fic in the fandom lololol. HUGE RECCOMMEND. It's about Johnny who gets roped into spending the holiday Christmas season with his , for the most part, very not so nice family, and Simon accompanies him. So much stuff happens in this fic and it's such a great character exploration of Simon and Johnny independently, but also as a couple, and just so much stuff happens in it lol again, HUGE RECOMMEND!!!

We'll make Death Proud to Take us - Literal_Satan

Fic where, it starts off really sweet where Simon goes to Scotland with Johnny to spend Christmas with him and his family, but things take a drastic turn when Soap's brother, a police officer/detective, gets a little too curious about mysterious Simon, and the story spirals from there. All the guys end up on this crazy goose chase tracking down some of the people who were involved in Roba's brainwashing operations. The fic gets v dark at times and deals with some very heavy trauma so beware, but it's SO. GOOD.

Dream a Little Dream - Angelicasdean

Again, one of my total fav fics in the fandom!! AU where Simon leaves the army to raise his nephew Joseph, who's the sole survivor of the Riley family massacre, and Johnny is one of the daycare teachers at the daycare where Simon takes Jo 🥺🥺👍👍

Pretend to love me like I do - FetteEule

Really cute fic of Simon who accompanied Johnny to Scotland for his sister's wedding, under the ruse they are dating. They are v much pining but not there yet. Features lots of really cute domestic moments and Simon being really sweet to Johnny's kid nephew 😭🧡

Something important - Anonymous

One of the fics that has me totally brainrotted rn. It's about Simon's who's been de-aged to 6 years old, and Price, Gaz and Soap all taking care of him and trying to figure out how he got turned, and how to turn him back! They all get tested on their abilities to care for a child, and unwillingly learn a lot of details about Simon's childhood they never knew. This summary doesn't do it justice tho, so I'd just recommend checking it out! Beware tho again, there is some dark childhood trauma stuff but there are warnings at the start of each chapter that contains references to it.

Seasons - StinglessWasp

In this fic every chapter is set during a different season and tells a unique sort of story/mission/interaction Soap and Ghost have. Definitely some v good angst&hurt/comfort stuffs too. Starts off pre-relationship, and explores their characters a lot! It's just really good HUGE reccommend lol.

What the Eyes Don't see - WhiplashRogue

One of my FAVESSSS! So the premise is like, Soap can actually see ghosts ever since he was a child (which most other people can't see and also don't believe in), and Ghost has 2 spirits attached to him that follow him around(Joseph, and Roach). The fic starts off pre relationship, and it mostly about Soap trying to learn more about these two spirits and discovering more about Ghost's past.

All that's said in the Low Light - Headlocket

Probably one of the most emotional I've ever read LMFAO. It's about Johnny, who receives a back & knee injury bad enough he gets discharged from the army, and is back in Scotland living with his parents as he recovers. He and Ghost lost contact a bit since the accident, and it's sort of a story of them reconnecting. This description doesn't do it justice, just read it, but it will emotionally destroy you lol

Time Loops Suck (series) - Enter_fand0m_reference00

The first installment of the fic takes the idea that Soap is stuck in a time loop during the alone mission! And all the optional dialogues and interactions in thE alone mission are separate attempts of his trying to survive the loops and rendez vous with Ghost. It's just sooo good!! And then there's a follow up fic where it deals with the mental aftermath of the loops and Ghost comforting soap through it, then there's 2 other installments of Simon who instead goes through a time loop! They are such great character explorations in how both Soap and Ghost experience the loops, and I whooleee heartedly reccommend.

Yellow Card - SkerryB

Soccer au fic!! It's so good! Simon is the captain of a soccer team Soap is drafted to as their new goalie. Simon has had a history with Soap before though, that he was the only goalie Simon could never score on! So that's how it starts, and it's just so good from there!! Simon's family are also alive in the fic and his nephew is adorable.

You swept me off my feet - @ghoulishhone

Ghost is down bad for strong Soap, the fic xD This was a fic Ghoulishone and I were paired together to work on for the Ghostsoap server reverse bang! They wrote the fic and I made some accompanying art. Just a cute fic of Soap having to pick up Ghost after he gets injured and some other shenanigans that ensues:)

Dear Mr Ghost - @shortcuts-make-long-delays

SUCH A CUTE FIC!! The majority of the fic is these letter/pen pal exchanges between Ghost, and Soap's young niece Chloe...it's just. So. Good. And was written by a friend of mine too! BIG RECCOMMEND.

Give me Hope and Let me Down - MechanicalBones

Some of the best Ghost whump I read lolll. Ghost is captured by some people with ties to Roba and tortured. Meanwhile Soap is on his way to rescue him, and eventually he does, and there's a lot of hurt and comfort. It's also a getting together fic. 🥺

Unspoken Love - Hammy101

( Super amazing oneshot. I feel I can't do this fic justice with any summary. Just read it. 🥺 It has decent Ghost whump AND domestic off duty cute ghost soap angsty stuff it's just one of my faves ever!!!!)

Except You, You can Stay - Iravaid

Really realistic, believable portrayal and expansion upon a lot of the key events that happen in the Ghost comics. From his childhood, to the mental aftermath of Roba, his family dying...it's heavy but really really good. And has a happier hopeful ending that's Ghost/Soap 🥺

Hat Trick of the Heart and the sequel Family, Gotta Love em - Librarian_FanFicFan

Absolutely am obsessed with these fics!!! It's an AU about Ghost who is recently discharged from the military due to injury, and on a flight back to London where he is seated next to Soap, a famous footballer/soccer player. Ghost doesn't know who he is tho, but they hit it off and exchange numbers. The second installment features Simon's family!!! And Tommy being dramatic and shocked over the fact his brother got the number of this famous sports player... SUPER CUTE IF YOU LIKE RILEY FAMILY STUFF.

As for my fav CoD authors I wholeheartedly recommend anything by:

RedClegane, m3rrywe4ther, Hammy101, TheEdwardianOne, Iravaid, and so many authors but I can't list them all ahaha...but hopefully this is a good start!

Hopefully this helps anon! Sorry it took me a while.

[operator-report]

In middle school, I read a short story for English class called Flowers for Algernon. Maybe you’ve read it, too. In the story, a disabled man named Charlie is given a medicine that cures his disability. Over the course of the story, he comes to realize that his “cure” is temporary and that he will “regress” into being disabled again. The story makes it clear that this is a tragedy. As a disabled teenager when I first read it, the story affected me deeply.

I’d like to talk about David and Noelle. 

Content warnings for discussion of suicide, self-harm, ableism and eating disorders below the cut. Spoilers for Worm through arc 27. 

When I was first reading arc 18, one of the things that stuck out to me is how much time the story spends on Eidolon. For me, it was the first time I paid much attention to him - prior to that, Eidolon was just an extremely powerful background character to me. But in arc 18, we learn that (1) Eidolon is losing his powers and (2) he believes that fighting Echidna will allow him to tap into some sort of reservoir to bring them back.

We find this out, of course, through Tattletale exposing him, which is always an extremely embarrassing event for Tattletale’s target. It makes it extremely clear that what Eidolon is doing is pathetic. He is going to kill a teenage girl so he can feel something. 

Which would be messed up enough, right? We don’t need to make this even worse, right? Wrong. Because Wildblow has spent the last several thousand words building up the Case 53s as X-Men style metaphors for oppressed groups, and one of the forms of oppression that Wildblow generally writes well is ableism. I think you can consider most, if not all of the Case 53s as disabled in some way. I think the link is extremely clear with Noelle.

Noelle doesn’t get her powers from traditional Cauldron human experimentation - at least, not directly. Instead, she and Krouse are facing what is, to them, a no-win scenario. They’re quarantined with limited access to medical care. Breaching this quarantine would permanently render them criminals. If Noelle survives her surgery, which is a pretty big if, she’ll become disabled, in a way that both Krouse and Noelle agree is ugly and undesirable. She won’t be able to do “boyfriend-girlfriend stuff” because she won’t be “any good to look at, after.” 

Krouse and Noelle are terrified of death, yes, but they’re also terrified of disability. They are desperate for control over Noelle’s body, control that, as of that moment, only the state has. (Remember the quarantine?) Krouse pressures Noelle into drinking the vial. Noelle is cured. 

Noelle’s cure does not last. In attempting to assert control, her body becomes uncontrollable. Her body is her trauma and her eating disorder made literal. She still needs care.

Worm would be bad if this is why her life sucks. But Worm does something better, instead. Noelle goes through hell, not just due to the sheer difficulty of having her power, but because of the way her teammates and Coil treat her. They talk about Noelle like she’s already dead. They’re ashamed of bringing her the food she needs. When Krouse “includes” Noelle in a discussion in arc 12, it’s mostly perfunctory. They do not believe Noelle is human any longer. They lock her away.

Noelle doesn’t want to be put in a cage. Noelle doesn’t want to be dehumanized. In interlude 18, when we get insight into Noelle’s thoughts, we learn that what Noelle is angry about is the fact that Krouse locked her in a concrete bunker and placated her. When she tells people not to look at her, there’s a coda to that sentence that she doesn’t get to verbalize: don’t look at me like that. 

This is the person who Eidolon is going to kill. 

Via the Simurgh, this is a person Eidolon has unknowingly created.

A few thousand words of Worm go by. It’s Gold Morning. Eidolon is fighting Scion. Now, at the end of the book, we finally get substantial insight into David, the man behind the mask. 

David takes a Cauldron vial to cure his disability. David sees this as the only way out, after an unsuccessful application to join the military, and then, an unsuccessful suicide attempt. David is bearing an immense amount of shame and internalized ableism. David is worried that father’s friends are watching him. (Don’t look at me.) David cleaves the world into two kinds of people: those who can have jobs, who are liked and respected because they are useful; and people like him, who are useless.

It’s a terrible way to think. Without that worldview, how could a person not take the vial? David wants to be used, because David wants to be useful. He never gets the independence he craves – not when he’s in that level of debt to Cauldron – but he gets to be useful, and that’s one of the best things you can be.

Like Noelle’s, like Charlie’s in Flowers, David’s cure doesn’t work. His abilities are wearing off. He is essentially told, when Doctor Mother administers his booster shots, that his medicine is too expensive. 

Cauldron creates Noelle. David, as Cauldron’s soldier, has a role to play in her creation. David knows exactly what he is doing to Noelle. It happened to him. Worm fandom talks a lot about David being a father. He’s a father in more ways than one. (David’s father is always watching him.) (Don’t look at me.)

Cauldron never cures David’s ableism. In his world, you can be useful, or you can die. David asks Noelle if she wants to win. Noelle tells him no. You can have a job, or you can kill yourself. When David tries to kill Noelle to help himself, isn’t that a mercy?

Of course it isn’t. It goes without saying that all of this is extremely fucked up. When it comes to disability, “cure” is a complicated concept. I’m not going to get into all the ways it can be treated; this post is already a thousand words long. But I do think that Worm, through Noelle and David and the concept of the Cauldron vial, provides an extremely vivid picture of the problems with cure. 

Under ableist logic, when you have a disability, a cure is something you’re expected to want. Without it, the story goes, you can’t be useful. You can’t do boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. The expectation is social, like the act of staring. Your desire for it should drive how you organize your life – it is control, like a quarantine. David is crushed by that expectation. He throws his lot in with Cauldron, the cure-makers. The expectation is passed along to Noelle, and even though David can recognize that inheritance, he cannot imagine any other way to respond to it other than attempted murder.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that Flowers for Algernon is a tragedy. The reason that story has stuck with me so long is that I keep going back and forth as to why. Is it a tragedy because Charlie goes back to being disabled? There’s a good chance that’s what the author intended. I don’t know. It would be a pretty shitty story if that were the case. Is it a tragedy because people only treat Charlie well when he’s “cured,” and when that stops, he’ll go back to abuse? Seems plausible. I don’t think there’s one right answer. Regardless, when you’re disabled, there’s an immense pressure to seek out a cure, and a cognizable loss when it is withheld. The fact that Worm captures that social pressure and social loss so well is extremely compelling for me, and I’m going to be thinking about these characters for a long time.