#i get a minimum of. 15 minutes sleep most nights

[welcometogrouchland]

Okay done unloading 2-3 weeks worth of liked posts on you all. Going 2 bed now (if god lets me)

[pbandjesse]

We just got back to Jess's car after a harrowing train journey home. That was honestly scary. A lot of stuff was a little off today. Just entirely to many people. But I still had a lot of fun.

I was worried though because I absolutely did not sleep well. I couldn't figure out where to put my shoulders andy body just ached. I would end up trying to deal with a hang nail because I was on edge and not able to let stuff go and ripped my entire big toe nail off. Just incredible. And I would have a very very fitful sleep. Just up and down all night.

Jess and James both got up about an hour before me. I'm glad I got that extra little bit because I think it helped make me normal.

When I woke up I went and got washed and dressed right away. And I felt cute. But I was worried about being cold. This ended up not being an issue at all but because I was nervous I wore a long sleeve shirt under my dress. Which I don't think looked amazing but kept me cozy.

I was honestly a little self conscious. Jess was too. I think our saving grace was that we all matched with different dark green plaids and we all liked that.

Today would be a lot of fun at time. Once we were all dressed we took some pictures of Jess and her cat in front of the Christmas tree. And it was a little hard to get LB on board but she would look very cute in the end and I think we got some excellent shots. Once I pulled out her treat jar she looked right at the camera and everything was very cute.

We left the house right before 9. It is about an hourish to the train station. So we had a lot of travel today. It was eerily foggy. But it was not a bad drive. We had some very big laughs. Like when James noted that it was the anniversary of the Ikea monkey. And then we realized I looked like the Ikea money in my new coat. We were cackling and it was great.

We were prepared for New York to have a lot of people and be kind of a nightmare. We did not expect Hamilton, the train station we go to, to be so incredibly busy. The line to get a parking spot was wild. I wasn't sure we were going to make the 10:06 train. But it would end up being just fine.

Even if there were a lot of people. Waiting on the platform was a little overwhelming. But it was fine and the train was only a couple minutes late.

Me and Jess sat together with James sitting behind us. They kept their hand on my arm in the window most of the whole ride. Me and Jess both put headphones on and listened to music to get in the Christmas spirit. I listened to the entire Muppet's Christmas Carol sound track. I would have liked to watch the scenery go by but it was still very foggy so I couldn't see much. I still enjoyed the ride even as the train filled up and people had to stand and complain loudly about standing like that was going to make seats appear.

We arrived in New York right before noon. Jess remarked that when you get to New York you don't actually get to New York until a half hour at minimum. Which is very true. Getting out of pen station and then going to find the subway and getting MetroCards is a whole ordeal. But we navigated really well. And got on the subway without to much effort. The real issue was getting off and having to up a million million stairs. I was very dizzy for a few minutes. But we would make it topside and I would recover through minimal complaining.

Our first stop was lunch at La Grande Boucherie. This place fancy fancy! Jess looked into reservations but I checked the Google info and it said the wait was 15 minutes so we risked it.

We waited in the line and the whole place was so pretty. When we got to the desk they said the wait would be 30 minutes or we could be sat right away if we would be okay with going upstairs. Which was very hot. And we decided that would be fine. And it would be a little uncomfortable but honestly wasn't to bad. Once we were sitting and took our jackets and layers off. It wasn't so good for other people. A table near us was sat 3 separate times and people would bail after only a couple minutes. We powered through.

Our waitress was very French. And the food was very good. James got french onion soup. Something they really love so I'm glad they got them. Jess got a fancy grilled cheese with ham and a poached egg. And I got a very fancy avocado toast with lemon and tomato and a poached egg. It was great.

Jess also got a mocktail that has blackberry and thyme and tasted like a really nice body wash. She liked it a lot. Smelled really nice.

We finished up there and headed out into the world.

A lot of things were just to busy. We would not be able to do them because it was to much. But I was still having fun with my favorite people. We got coffee and got chocolate. It was a very rich hot chocolate and I drank half of it before we poured the rest into their coffees which apparently was great and made the coffee amazing. I was happy to help.

We walked down 5th avenue and it was fun seeing the window displays and people watching. We would eventually make it to the plaza. Which they were not letting people in. Which was fair but it was fun to see all the very fancy hotels even if it was just from outside.

We would pull over to the side to regroup. I was enjoying our conversations and pointing out things but we needed a direction. And started heading to our next stop. To see the tree and go to FAO Schwartz.

I don't think I've ever been before and I was excited to see it. It was crazy getting there though. Just so many people. I was excited to see the tree. Apparently people complained about it but it looked good to me.

We got over to the toy store and the line to get in was around the block. But we decided to see how the wait was. And it honestly wasn't so bad. We got to stand outside the NBC studio building while we waited so that was neat. And the line moved pretty quickly.

When we finally got to the front I loved seeing the people who worked there all dressed up like toy soldiers. It was so cute.

Inside was a little wild but I was still excited. I loved seeing all the jelly cat stuff. We were specifically there to see the Jelly Cat Diner. Which was very cute. But I didn't want to get any of the food ones. Me and Jess ended up both getting the tony Christmas tree ornament they had and I love them very much.

I was also excited to see the stief bears and they had a calico critter display. They had so many great ones and I was just having a lot of fun looking even if there were to many people.

We would soon decide it was time to pay and go. Jess was a little overstimulated. Totally fair. We got in line and it actually wasn't long at all. They had that part down. I liked seeing the magnets and other little branded things. Very cute. We paid and for our layers back on and we were off.

We headed back to the subway to go to a Christmas market we thought might be less crazy. We were wrong.

When we got there it seemed alright. But it turned out we were on the farmers market side. Which was fine but we were a little confused. We liked seeing the dried flowers and peppers. And we got apple cider donuts to share. And then finally found the holiday market.

And it was just. Horrible. Like the worst part was that there was so much I would have really liked to see but it was so busy it was completely overwhelming and you could barely move. I tried to keep our spirits up but it was hard and after one aisle I gave up and got us out of there. Jess was distressed. I was trying not to be.

We would struggle for a bit after that. Trying to figure out what we were doing. We thought maybe we would head to see the lights at the botanical garden but it sold out. Which was upsetting but not the end of the world.

We decided we would got hit up a store we had heard good things about. We stopped for ice cream on the way there. I did not want ice cream, I wanted pizza. But Jess and James each got a scoop. She got strawberry and James got earl grey tea.

They both kept giving me spoonfuls as we walked down the street. And continued to joke about how they are both in love with me. That was an ongoing theme of the day. Telling me how amazing and beautiful I was. Both of them! We had big trupple energy today. They were both being very silly. I did not help when I insisted on holding hands with everyone so no one got lost. We were being very silly.

We got to the little store and it was expensive but super super cool. I took a lot of pictures for inspiration. Jess would get a yuza mayo. And we got quarters for their mini art print machine and we got three prints. I got ice cream, Jess got tomato, and James got an olive. It was a highlight for sure.

I would get my pizza and it was very good. And we walked to the fancy macaroon place Jess likes and got a gift for someone and it was a nice little stop.

When we went outside there was a whole bunch of commotion. It was a free Palestine protest. And it was very big! Someone handed me a sticker and a postcard and me and Jess held those up in support while the crowd went by. It was very exciting but also really powerful. Seeing such a large group. People eere very emotional. It was kind of amazing to be a part of it all.

We walked against the crowd and got to see the end of the group. The last vehicle was all branded with free Palestine and Gaza and it was beautiful.

We went to dinner after that. After eating a piece of Sicilian pizza I wasn't particularly hungry but Jess really wanted to go to the fancy ramen place. So that is what we did. We took the subway to Brooklyn to arrive right after the place opened.

And it was really good. They were nice enough to make space for us with a weird table situation. And the food was good. Though we both could barely early half and took the rest with us. James got a steamed bun and we shared some spicy picked vegetable and it was just really nice. I was having a great time.

James realized we were super close to their aunt Jan and uncle Will's house. So they sent a text to see if they were around and they were like yes! Come over! Your cousins here!

So we walked the 15 minutes or so over to their beautiful home.

And it was awesome. On the way there we got some free books which was exciting. And James kept gas lighting is that we were almost there. Lies. But we got there and Will and Jan welcomed us with so many hugs. And it was nice to meet James's cousin and his partner. They were both lovely. And it was such a fun little stop.

Not only do I love Will and Jan they love me and are such good actors listeners and I was able to bey best self and tell stories and it was just a lot of fun talking to them. I shared some of my collection stuff, talked about toys and such. And Jess got to talk about ux and our history. It was fun and silly and it made me feel so nice inside.

I'm excited we will get to see them again this month at Christmas. After telling some pretty gnarly stories about working in shops and catching up about both me and James's dads it was time to go. We had a train to get and lot of travel still to do.

We had to get back to the subway. Jess's feet and ankles were hurting real bad and James's legs are so long that I held James's hand to slow them down and held Jess's hand to pull her along. We were laughing about how much pain we were in and about New York and Christmas and Hanukah and it was just. Great. I was with my favorite people and it was just beautiful.

The subway was not terrible. Me and Jess were able to sit. I leaded my head on James's hand. Me and Jess discussed our Disney trip. It was a nice ride to Penn station.

Penn station on the other hand was a nightmare. It is always a nightmare. I hate going to on NJ transit it is always terrible because they don't tell you the track until 10 minutes before and then everyone goes insane.

We had some time though so to avoid the large gathering we went to find Jess a latte and me and James got Auntie Ann's pretzel bites. And then only had 15 minutes to wait. And then it got very scary.

They announced track 12 but we would have to get to the end and not the Amtrak train that was also sitting at 12. And I'm shocked no one got pushed onto the tracks because people were being insane. Pushing. Shoving. I got pushed by someone with a stroller on the escalator and for separated from Jess and James and it was terrible. But I could only move forward. People were running on the platform and it was legit scary. We had to keep moving forward but people were pushing others out of the way and being horrible.

I was still separated but I looked back and got closer to Jess and James and got them to the side of the platform with the train because I was worried about us all being so close to open track. But I would get separated again and Jess finally yelled to me to just get on even if it was full. I was able to get back to a corner in the middle of the car near the door and made space for them both so we were on and safe.

But then more and more were getting on and there was no where to go. Thankfully people by the door finally said no more and wouldn't push us any further. People tried to push from outside but there was no where else to go. Jess got very overheated and had to wiggle out of her coat. They didn't close the door for almost 10 more minutes. But we would be alright. It was scary but no one got hurt. People were sweaty and scared but we were alright.

Though people were yelling. People outside being like move so we can get on to and we were like. Where exactly would you like us to go?? Wait for the next one in 15 minutes. Finally they closed the doors and evening calmed down.

I opened a word game on my phone and we all played together while the train slowly cleared out. We had some big laughs when we couldn't remember words but it was just a lot of fun and a good way to pass the time together. And finally we were able to go sit down.

Poor Jess was dying her feet hurt so bad. Mine are not great but I know they are nowhere as near as bad as hers. We talked and tried to hold ourselves together. And soon we were at Hamilton.

Jess needed some support to get to the car. But we made it back and the next leg of the journey began. Jess changed into slippers. And James got cozy in the backseat.

I started writing this. And we have made it back to Jess's. Where we just helped her her neighbor's dog back home and she made James a coffee for the road. And we are about an hour from home.

I am very much looking forward to taking a shower and sleeping in our bed. I am happy.

Tomorrow, well today as it just clicked last midnight, I have a holiday market. My last one of the year. I hope it goes well. I'm looking forward to being in a musuem space. I think that's really cool. I hope it's fun. And it's a shorter market so I hope that it's a chill time and I just have a good time.

Wish me luck everyone. I love you all. Goodnight!

[txnscrxptxp]

Hey! I was wondering if I could ask what your routine is? You're so disciplined to wake up and immediately go for walks

Yeah, sure! This is hella long tbh bc I added some breakdown and like additional thoughts but !

Honestly it's less about discipline for me and more about starting my day off right. If I start my day late or don't do my usual morning routine I rarely have the energy, want, motivation, discipline, etc.

For me, I wake up around 5am. This means usually going to bed like 9.30-10pm. That means Do not disturb goes on on all my devices, I put ASMR/guided meditation on, etc. If I can't sleep after 30 minutes I get out of bed so I don't associate laying in bed with anything other than sleeping and leave something snoozy on YouTube whilst I do some ten minutes of reading/etc. Waking up early isn't about waking up to your alarm, it's about the way you set yourself up the night before. Once the routine is down, you mostly won't need an alarm tbh (and im someone who needs 28 alarms to have a single hope to wake up).

From wake up, for the first hour I do not go on any devices other than my Xbox. The first hour of our day really sets the tone for our brain and what we consume has a big impact. Ever notice that the days you wake up and immediately go on TikTok or IG it's extremely hard to not sit there scrolling all day compared to when you only check them at like noon? I wake up, and immediately open YouTube to put on something like a "productive day in the life with me" type of video - Breanna Quen has been my go to. For the first hour I just watch that content and drink water, no caffeine. I try and drink 750ml-1l. After an hour, I go and have my first coffee and put on a casual soundtrack to sit and do an entry in my gratitude journal and 3 self reflection prompts (I try and do 200 words minimum for both).

After that, when I'm still feeling the cozy journalling vibes, I do 10-15 minutes of yoga to stretch my body out before other forms of exercise and then I do my ab/core/waist training. From there, I try and have breakfast like an apple or something that I can take with me to go on a walk to enjoy the sunrise.

By the time when I get home, it's usually around 8-9am and it's a more socially acceptable time to be doing things like dance or more intense workouts as most of my apartment block is awake by 7 for work but I like to ensure I give that extra time. Then I do an hour workout one way or another, either something like just following Just Dance songs on YouTube or a Chloe Ting work out/etc.

Then I just take all the time after that to do things like laundry, dishes, chores and any errands I need o do (go shopping, take books to the library, etc). I try and do 10k and I'll watch TV whilst doing this - just marching on the spot whilst watching it (helps massively to keep focus and mindlessly walk!). I tend to leave it all then, have dinner around 6-7pm usually something with some good protein as I'm doing muscle work quite a lot for the first time in years and my muscles r in pain. I then sit and do some active journaling about the day and anything on my mind and anything I might need to be aware of going into the week/the next day, etc and then either do a "before bed" pilates or yoga routine before bed.

But please remember as well, this is like an "ideal" day for me and I do not hit this every single day. This is the routine I try my utmost best to stick to. Motivation and discipline is really about setting yourself up and preparing yourself in that first hour of the day - for me at least - and if I miss that then I won't do anything at all.

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 15: Last Day of Work

Ah hahaha I'm still awake. Why do I do this to myself? Well, whatever, too late to do anything different. I will have to get through the next two days somehow and I'm just hoping I can do that as easily as possible. But I already kind of know I'm going to wake up tomorrow and not want to clean, do laundry, or pack, in the slightest bit.

Today was a low-key weird day to cap off a weird week. Half my department was out again, sick, and my supervisor was convinced for most of the day that she was getting sick, so I started getting paranoid about it. But so far I feel fine--knock on wood. There was a lot of distracting conversation, and I spent probably nearly an hour getting a UPS package ready to send last minute to my parents, so overall I got pretty much the bear minimum finished. Honestly it's a fitting end to the year. My future self won't be happy but maybe she'll be stronger, well rested, and set on just... doing better.

My supervisor and I also low-key decided to just leave work early in a 'who's going to stop us way.' It was going to be 3:30, ended up being more 3:45. I got a coffee and sat outside a little, which relaxed me. But then I fell into my old trap at home: too tired to do anything, don't want to nap, so I lose myself in distractions and then lose all track of time. I'm really worried about tomorrow and Sunday. Usually I just delude myself with the idea that I'll have a totally different personality after I wake up from a decent night's sleep but this time I just know... I'll still feel pretty much like this. Like I just do not want to deal with any of it.

I don't know. I don't know what will honestly make me feel better. Maybe just forcing myself to do things differently no matter how much I don't want to. Maybe just that.

[writing-positivelyexisting]

Sleepless 3AM’s

The Bad Batch/Reader. Headcanons. | writing-positivelyexisting🫧

Hunter

How it happens is usually a bad dream or something on the Marauder creaked a little too loud and stirred your slumber. It’s not often but it happens.

Being in the same bunk with Hunter meant no easy escape. One or both of his arms holding you close to him. That didn’t stop you from trying, though.

Hunter feels you moving his arms off, trying to sneak out of bed as quietly as possible so you didn’t wake him up. Sometimes he’d stay behind for a few minutes to humor you, but he would wake with you regularly.

He would follow you to the cockpit, his blanket over his shoulder, and wait for you pick a spot. (Usually on the floor, but sometimes you would ask to sit across his lap in one of the chairs). Then, Hunter would place himself next to you and wrap the blanket around both of you.

He never questioned this tiny habit and you were grateful. You couldn’t offer up a reason. It was just something that happens and this is how you would deal with it. Hunter didn’t mind. He just wants to be sure you’re alright.

If it was a particular bad night, a nightmare, you would lean against him and talk. He always listened, taking your hand to touch and draw shapes in your palm or to gently massage each finger. Maybe a kiss to your temple every once in awhile.

“I don’t want to lose any of you… I wish this timeline was different. We could have already been married.”

“One day, cyar’ika. One day.”

Your talking would eventually turn into soft mumbles as your eyes became heavy with sleep again and Hunter makes sure not to move you back to his bunk until 15 minutes passed (just in case you woke up)

Tech

This man hardly gets sleep as it is but always advocates for the others to get valuable rest. So you usually curl up in his bunk, happy with just his scent to put you to sleep.

Whenever you do wake up, or just couldn’t sleep, you’d make your way to find the genius. He was always either working on his data pad or something on the Marauder.

Once Tech noticed your presence it’s always, “Ah, I did it again. I’m sorry.” Or, “My riduur, what’s keeping you up?”

If he knows he should sleep, he’ll walk you back to his bunk and hold you close to him. Most nights like this, listening to his breathing and heartbeat while his fingers brush through your hair knocks you right out.

When it takes a little more effort, Tech speaks softly on the latest upgrade he’s done to the ship knowing that you love his voice and do your best to stay awake and listen. (It tuckers you out more to fight the sleep like this and he knows it, using it to his advantage).

If something has kept you up, he offers you a place by his side to watch, listen, and/or help if you’re feeling up to it. When too much time has passed for you to still be out of bed, he forces himself and you to get a little shut eye.

“I’m not tired.”

“Your health is my upmost personal priority, riduur. Come; sleep.”

He takes your hand in his and leads you back to his bunk where both of you promptly fall asleep, just so unaware of the fatigue your bodies were holding.

Wrecker

To be fair, it’s hard to wake up when you’re with Wrecker. He’s like a heated weighted blanket. With arms and legs and a face. That gives you kisses and loves you. It’s hard not to be comfy with him, okay?

Yet, some nights are just too stubborn. Most nights it’s just nerves. You slide up to sit in his bunk with your knees tucked under your chin, your eyes watching this gentle hunk of a guy sleep.

Watching his rhythmic breathing kept your mind-fuzz to a minimum.

When Wrecker’s sleepy hand touched the empty space you reach out to grab it. Sometimes he doesn’t wake up right away, but as you touch and rub his hand to keep busy Wrecker wakes.

“Cyare? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I can’t sleep.”

He sits up with you, touching your face with a soft hand and asks you what you wanted: water, caf, snacks, Lula, Crosshair’s super soft blanket that was left behind but he would shoot someone point blank if they used it?

The blanket bit always earned him a quiet giggle. “Water and a holomovie. And Lula. Please.”

Wrecker takes care of everything, stopping you trying to help with a deep kiss to your lips, slowly pushing you down on his bunk.

And when you wake up with tears in your eyes trying to keep yourself quiet (for him and your captain), Wrecker is wide awake.

“Oh no, mesh’la, what happened?”

You tearful face triggers his own water works but he keeps it controlled, pulling you in front of him to rock you side to side in a lulling way.

“Everything’s going to be okay. I’ve got you… I’ve got you,” he whispers, kissing the top of your head.

Eventually your crying subsides and you do end up falling asleep in the intimate hug. Wrecker doesn’t give two shits that he can’t move to sleep next to you, keeping the rocking steady until he falls asleep, too.

Echo

Despite being an ex ARC trooper, you’re able to slip out of his bunk pretty easily.

When these kinds of nights happen, you usually make yourself a cup of caf and head to the cockpit to stare up into the sky.

Echo wakes up when he turns a little too much and thinks he’s accidentally hit you with his scomp link. When he finds you missing, his lips pull into a half frown half smile.

He knows exactly where you are and leaves to find you in the same spot, over and over again. You’re consistent and he likes it.

You offer him up a small sheepish smile when he stands next you every time. “Found me.”

“Found you.”

The two of you stand together, looking at the stars and finding the moment serendipitous. There’s no blaster fire. No alarms blaring. No shouts, screams, cries, or yells. Nothing is at risk. This moment is untouched, unscathed, uninterrupted.

It’s peace.

After a while, Echo takes your caf whether you’ve finished it or not and sets it on a safe spot on the control panel to take your hand for a tiny dance.

It’s silent in the Marauder so you two keep your footsteps feather light.

Echo spins you and waltzes in a small circle, smiling at you as the star and moon light showers you in its beauty. His mind pictures a better scene, one where you and him aren’t on Ord Mantel but somewhere elegant and far from war, dressed to impress with serene music playing for you.

When he pulls you back into him and slows the dance to a side step, Echo leans in to kiss you which you reciprocate every time. This kiss was a promise. That one day everything will be better.

Crosshair

Being sleepless in his bed was a circus trick. You couldn’t stop tossing and turning, willing sleep to take you but it just didn’t.

“Stop. Moving.”

You freeze and take a breath. “I’m sorry.” Slowly, you decide that you would sit up. You weren’t going to win this fight to rest.

You look at Crosshair who’s laying on his side, facing away from you, seemingly asleep. You reach to touch his back, gently so you didn’t irritate him, and traced the muscle definitions.

He never seemed to mind this soft act of affection. Just the constant movement when he was trying to sleep, which was understandable.

When your mind blanks out and your touch stilled, Crosshair turns around to look at you. The rustle gains your attention and you mutter another apology.

“Quit it.” He reached out to you and pulls you back down, having you lay on his chest.

“Quit what?”

“Apologizing.” His other hand touches your cheek, sliding over your ear into your hair. “You’re not the only one who can’t sleep.”

It makes you smile. His tone can be sour but he usually cares in reality. Your arms find themselves comfortable hugging him, giving him a quick loving squeeze.

When the nights are terrible and aren’t so easy to soothe, Crosshair always finds the reddest part of his heart again. His voice is just above a whisper, his body providing warmth, his arms acting as shields.

He’s got you.

“I’m so scared, Crosshair… that you’re going to disappear…”

“Cyare.” He pauses. “I love you too much to just die. I will live for you and your love.”

*riduur - wife/husband/spouse

Everyone has had these thoughts right??? These have been keeping me up most nights just to get an idea for what each of them would do (call it method writing haha). Also, Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️

tag list: @dangraccoon (I wasn’t sure if you wanted to be included in headcanons, so I tagged you anyway. I hope that’s fine!)

[sea-you-in-paradise]

☽ ⛧  a r m i n   a r l e r t ‘ s   s l e e p i n g   h a b i t s  ⛧ ☾

summary: a *painstaking* list of every (sfw :/) sleep-related armin thought word count: 1.954 setting: canonverse implied, but can be applicable to modern au features: armin :))) genderneutral!reader (implied established relationship) warnings: implied nsfw note: here is a link to the nsfw part 2 (MDNI!)

before he goes to sleep, armin utilizes every waking minute to the fullest extent. 

- if he’s coming up with a plan of some sort, he will not sleep until he’s gone through every possible outcome he can think of

- spends time getting ahead of future work so he can never get behind

- sometimes he will get really lost in his books (obviously)

- most of the time, he pushes himself to stay awake far past the limit of what is considered “normal”

he’s trying to tire himself out enough to avoid nightmares

- he can go about 50 hours without napping, but tries to sleep before that (at least in small intervals) because he jokes that he can feel his brain cells dying. if he’s up for this long, it’s usually because he’s in the field/in charge of something that will effect a lot of people

- his naps are long enough to recharge a bit, but not normally long enough for more than 1 REM cycle

____________________

*however* when he actually sleeps (and i mean like a real sleep. all it takes is a semi-comfortable bed/couch and no responsibilities until 10:00 the next day), armin sleeps.

- the minute this man’s eyes shut for the evening, good luck getting them to open again. needless to say, he’s a heavy sleeper

- despite refusing to admit how tired he is while he’s awake, once he’s under a comforter it would take a fucking fire to get him to stand up again

- an unburdened armin needs a minimum of 10 hours, but ideally 15 (ofc, if he were to actually sleep that much more than twice a month, he would freak out and feel like he’s missing his life)

____________________

- he likes to wear either flannel or cotton pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt, and he likes it when you borrow each other’s clothes to wear to bed, especially when you’re apart (either to wear or just to have for the smell lol)

- if you go to bed at the same time and you have some sort of skincare routine, he really likes to watch and learn about what all the products do. bonus points if you do his skincare too. sometimes he’d probably keep you company while you do this even if he’s not going to sleep yet

- he’s really meticulous about brushing his teeth for a long time (canonverse specific, iykyk ;-;)

- if it’s up to him, he prefers bedding he can sink into. cushy mattress and either a duvet or comforter with a really plush blanket in case he gets chilly (he will get chilly. he is always cold. he sleeps in socks)

- he likes a pretty firm pillow tho because neck support > sleeping on a cloud

- right side of the bed is his preference, but he would give it up in a heartbeat for you

- sleeping position varies. usually he sleeps on his side, but he also sleeps on his back sometimes bc he has back pain and he doesn’t want to strain it more :( 

- if he’s alone he sleeps facing towards the door bc he’s anxious. if you’re there, he likes it when you face each other or if one of you rests their head on the other’s chest

- if you move away from him, he will notice because he’ll get cold and he’ll move towards you again

- he doesn’t snore or breathe heavily, but he occasionally does the thing where he has little gasps or sharp inhales

____________________

- he does what he can to prevent dreaming, but it still happens sometimes

- if he has nightmares it usually comes with night sweats and crying in his sleep. he doesn’t move a lot tho and he doesn’t wake you up on purpose. when he wakes up, it’s not some big jolt. his eyes shoot open and he takes in his bearings before getting up to change his clothes and get some water. when he comes back, he’s careful to get into bed really softly and then he’ll hold you as you sleep. if you wake up, please hold him back and run your fingers through his hair :(

- his nightmares are usually anxiety/regret/remorse related. he’ll talk about them after they happen sometimes and cry a little bit if you’re awake and he feels like it, but he doesn’t like to talk about them in the morning

- most nights he’s too tired to dream tho, so it’s okay ;-; no it’s not, he just says that

____________________

- armin is not a morning person.

- as a matter of fact, if he gets less than his 10 hours, he is a certified grump. and he is so embarrassed about it

- he does everything he can to prevent it. like going to bed early if he can make himself or budgeting time into his schedule to stay in bed for longer, but he cannot stop the inevitable- if anyone, including you, tries to make him get up, he is a little bitch. 

____________________

the morning of a day off/day with few responsibilities might go something like this:

- armin goes through three stages once he’s been woken up: pouting, bargaining, and complete loss of filter. he will go through a version of these stages whether he is forcing himself to wake up, is woken up by a friend, or by you. as his partner, it’s usually you who is subject to this trio of events, even if you’re the gentlest, most loving person in the world

- if you must wake him up, he likes it when you stroke his arm/back and whisper softly. it takes some time, but he’ll eventually make a whiny noise and move around a little (if this isn’t your style, a more take-no-shit approach will be briefly detailed later)

- the pouting stage is exactly what it sounds like and it will be the shortest of the three. he’ll pull his covers a lot tighter and turn on his stomach so he can block the light easier and in the prettiest voice bc it’s all pouty, but also raspy from sleep, he’ll say something like, “baby, it’s so early, i don’t think it’s time yet.”

- then, when he’s more aware of the situation, he’ll turn to you and choose one of three options: a) he’ll ask for ten more minutes and promise not to complain when you wake him up again (lies). b) he’ll ask you for cuddles until he’s more awake. if you agree, it absolutely will not wake him up more, he will drift off again even if you’re talking to him. if you agree and you don’t have anything super important going on soon, he will try to make you fall back asleep too so he has an even better excuse for not showing up. c) he will attempt to seduce you. this sometimes follows option b (see note above for link to the nsfw hcs for more on this one)

- if you survive the bargaining stage and armin realizes that you’re not giving up, he will put on his grump face. it’s a cross between a pout and a glare, and it is rather amusing

- BUT unless you want him to be mean (and not in a fun hot way), do not make fun of him for the face. if you do, you’re going to realize that armin’s observation skills really do come in clutch and you’re going to start wondering about all of the things you do around him without noticing

- it would be like : “it’s so funny when you make that face” and then he fake smiles and in a totally innocent voice says something like, “aww, i’m sure it’s not as funny as you having broccoli in your teeth at dinner last night! It was in there like all night. sorry i didn’t tell you, it was just so funny.”

- he definitely apologizes for this later and most of the time assures you that he wasn’t being serious, but sometimes he is being serious. and the worst part is that you’ll never know all the embarrassing things he’s noticed you doing that he just doesn’t say anything about

- if you don’t make fun of the face though, you will stumble across a prime opportunity

- as someone who likes to lie in bed for a bit (forever) after waking up, armin will probably fall back asleep if he’s not doing something. so what better way to make sure he wakes up than to gossip with him?! with no filter, armin will say what he is honestly thinking about the people around him, and more often than not, he has some strong opinions

- tbh it’s just shit talking floch most of the time and he tells you what he finds annoying about everyone in the friend group (jean gets on his nerves the most)

____________________

- if you’re the kind of person who will not baby him, mad respect to you. it would go more like this

- if you wake him up abruptly, he will be very surprised every single time. normally, he would find you’re assertive tendencies hot. this is not one of those times. assuming you leave immediately after waking him, armin will run through his stages on his own. he will fall asleep in either the pouting or bargaining stage. then stage 3 will be taken out on you when he finally pulls himself out of bed. he will go find you and be snarky, no gossiping, only sass. it is unbecoming, but also hilarious

____________________

- regardless of how things play out, when armin finally “gains consciousness,” he is usually a bit mortified. he knows it was so nice of you to wake him up and he feels so bad for being grumpy (and for being so candid about his thoughts on Jean’s unrequited love), but his brain is always working overtime and sometimes there are some really positive benefits to his morning alter ego. the selfish parts of him don’t really feel like giving it up, especially if you don’t mind. that being said, he only apologizes for behavior he intends to change, so if this sort of morning routine is okay with you, he doesn’t really have anything to say sorry for. he’s so grateful that you have so much patience and love for him and he’s glad that there’s someone who is willing to help him stay punctual <333

____________________

- once in a blue moon on these days off, armin wakes up before you (he’s well rested sometimes???) and if that happens he will move closer to you and wrap his arms around you

- if you have long enough hair he will brush it off your forehead. tuck it behind your ears, fix your bonnet, move your braid(s)/ponytail to a more comfy position (etc). he just likes being tentative 

- MORNING FOREHEAD KISSES AJDFADJFLDFEW

- even if he is awake, he will do everything in his power to stay in bed with you for as long as humanly possible

- on days when he has actual responsibilities, armin is pretty good about being punctual, but he will still stay in bed as long as humanly possible and go through a shortened version of his routine. he’s good about being places on time, but it doesn’t mean he is in a good mood

____________________

- and finally, despite everything, he doesn’t drink caffeine in the morning. he is a firm believer that a cold glass of water will wake him up faster. since he doesn’t eat much for breakfast, he doesn’t want to get jittery

[liquid-luck-00]

When Two Coffee Addicts Unite

Part 1

@maribatmarch-2k21 Day 8: Texting

Ao3 *** Part 2

Okay so this can either be a continuation of Internet Friends or the beginning of something new. But if you want to read this as a continuation of Internet friends then you should know:

The police department is almost as bad as Damocles when dealing with powerful figures. They take the video and audio footage and simply put it in the file. Because at the time Lila still had most or in fact all of the class under her thumb, they all supported Lila’s claim that it was an accident. Lila claims that a sudden dizzy spell struck her, and she fell forwards towards Marinette. And as Mari was already on the edge of the balcony it was an accident. The fact that the file sat in the police department until well after any claim could be valid it wasn’t looked into more. Mari, her friends, and Tim did have backups of the footage, complete records for every interaction with the police, and recorded calls and interactions when dealing with the police. But as they didn’t want to involve the embassy as this would become an international affair they didn’t bother with the case.

That said the police don’t bother with the Miracle Court to avoid work. However, with the Mayor, Medical responders, and the Fire Department all aid the heroes, the police only do the bare minimum.

Marinette’s class has begun to watch Lila, but they didn’t look into her lies because except for this incident it’s just she said she said with occasional ‘injuries’ on Lila. Most of them are wary of Lila but they aren’t converted to Marinette’s side, but there is an increased tolerance between them.

~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette had just sat back at her seat after eating lunch, while the classroom was still empty. There was still half an hour left. Alix, Kim, Nino, Sabrina, and Max walked in as she sat down.

"Marinette you got the time?" Alix called out. They were on somewhat okay terms since Lila’s claims were a total 180 from the Marinette that they have known for forever.

"30 minutes left." she announced looking of her phone and in turn her missed messages.

Tim:

       Mari

       Mari

       Mari

       Nettie

       Marin

       Bean

       Bug

       Marinette

Marinette:

       What's wrong.

Tim:

       I have back to back meetings starting in 3 hrs. until 5.

       and

Marinette:

       Let me guess haven't slept.

Tim:

       Exactly

       Help me please

Marinette:

       How many reports can you send me?

Tim:

       Quite a few

Marinette:

       Send me what you can.

       Review the rest.

       Take a nap!

       And I'll be a little voice during your meeting.

Tim:

       Thanks, I owe you Bean.

Marinette:

I'II hold you to that.

Tim:

       Sent

Marinette:

       Just make sure you wake up.

Tim:

       I make no promises.

       On second thought I don't want to find out how you are mad

She made it through the 15 minutes of class because Lila was akumatized. Lila had burst into the class followed by Alya, Nino, and Adrien. She claimed Mari cornered her in the bathroom and beat her a few minutes ago, showing everyone the 'bruises' on her arms. Chloe handed something to Sabrina who walked up to Lila.

"Oh, you poor thing," Sabrina consoled, Lila only whimpered. "Here this has a salve that helps bruises." She gently took Lila's wrist and wiped a 'bruise' which disappeared instantly.

"That's amazing what is it called?" Alya commented. "I should get some for Nora."

"Make-up remover." Sabrina and Chloe spoke together.

"Besides." Alix butt in. "Marinette's been here the past half hour and hasn't left."

"What?! How do you know?" Lila cried.

"Cause we've been here the whole time with her." Sabrina commented.

Marinette for her part didn't know or hear the conversation around her.

"Marinette. Marinette. Earth to Marinette," Kim shouted.

"Present!" She jolted practically standing. "Wait," she looked around, "class hasn't started."

"What are you hyper fixated on?" Adrien asked innocently.

"Just some reports, don't think you'd like them too much Kit-Kat."

"Fair," he shrugged sitting next to her. "So how were you in two places at once?"

"I can't," her head tilted to the side confusion clear on her face.

"So, if Mari hasn't left, can't be in two places at once, and your 'bruises' came off with make-up remover. How do you explain that Lila?" Adrien around, the class slowly draining their conclusions. However, Marinette spoke up. "She lied, obviously..." she stated having gone back to the reports.

"Um you said that out loud, Cake Pop, and loud at that."

"Huh?" sure enough when she looked around some were shock still, others typed furiously into their phones.

That was when Mrs. Bustier walked in, fifteen minutes late to the class. Which was also when the bandy contained restraint ended. Lila was akumatized, school let out, and the rest of her night went smoothly.

Tim woke up, and with her help survived his meetings. Some while on patrol she would constantly mute and unmute herself. Luckily, it wasn't more than twice, and they didn't run into anyone. Chat didn’t ask questions, figured it out since she was pouring over Wayne documents earlier. Tim would call her back after the private meetings and ended around 10.

At around 11 Tim text her back.

Tim:

      Thanks Bug you saved me today.

Marinette:

      No problem Draco

      You owe me though.

Tim:

      I remember.

      Go to bed it's like midnight over there!

Marinette:

      Yeah Yeah

Tim:

      Ooh

      Congratulations 2x!

Marinette:

      What???

      Please explain.

      Tim

      Tim

      Timothy

      Timothy Drake-Wayne answer me.

      Dragon please

      Ugh fine I'll sleep.

Which is what she did when he wouldn’t answer her.

She woke up the next morning to two emails from W. E.. The first was for a collaboration between W.E. and MDC for a show featuring Wayne Tech accessories and their new climate fabrics. She immediately responded and accepted. The second was that her class was one of two to be accepted as transfer students to Gotham Academy and intern slots at WE, she forwarded that to her teacher and the school.

Marinette:

      You Gremlin

Tim:

      Like I said congrats

      Oh, I need you to give me three names.

Marinette:

      What for?

Her mind was racing at the possibilities.

Tim:

      You'll find out.

Marinette:

      What’s the other school?

Tim:

      Some Prep school in the UK.

Marinette:

      Give me a Sec.

She opened another contact and typed.

Marinette:

      Hey, did you get a spot in the Wayne/GA internship?

Mystery:

      Yes.

      Why?

Marinette:

      Tell the others we are hitting Gotham with style.

Mystery:

      Very well.

Mari then sent three names to him and smiled. This was going to be fun.

Next

~~~~~~~~~~

Permanent Taglist: @itsmeevie01 @adrestar @miraculouspenta @vixen-uchiha

[ysljoon]

Guarded|Prisoner!Jeon Jungkook x Guard!Reader

Summary:  The biggest rule of being a prison guard is that you're not supposed to have any form of relationship with the prisoners, but you decide to break the rules for Jungkook and you don't know why.

The number one rule about becoming a prison guard is to not become friends with the prisoners. That’s the single rule that you just couldn’t bring yourself to follow. Let’s not get crazy here though, it’s not like you’re friends with every single prisoner in the unit, there's just one inmate that holds a special place in your heart.

When you first took the job of a prison guard you were as jumpy as can be and the prisoners used to make it a game of who can scare you the most in one week. They used to spastically run up to their cell bars when you were doing checks for lights out and everyone knows that prisons are just much more scary at night so the combination of a dark prison and a prisoner running close to you gave you heart attacks like it was going out of style. Once you got used to the inmates’ antics it started to be funny towards you and you would crack jokes back at them. You never intended for yourself to become the “cool guard” of the prison, but your kind demeanor just made you favored over the other guards in the prison. One inmate definitely took a liking to you in a more toned down way.

One day when you were walking around during the inmate’s leisure time you saw an inmate call you over briefly to his table. This particular inmate you haven’t spoken much to or have even seen him speak much to the other inmates besides his cellmate. When he calls you over he has a shy look on his face and is avoiding eye contact.

“Mr. Jeon, how are you today? Is leisure time going alright?”

He gives you a small but warm nod and slowly pushes a folded paper towards you. You look at him confused, but he’s looking back at you with an expecting look so you take up the paper as he wishes. When you open it up, you’re shocked to see what was given to you. Jungkook had drawn a portrait of you leaning up against the wall in the leisure room. You give him wide eyes and he’s back to avoiding eye contact with you. You stoop down to his level in the chair so he can hopefully make eye contact with you.

“Jungkook, this is beautiful. I’m gonna hold on to this safely and probably keep it in my locker.” He smiles brightly at you and you return it before folding the picture into your pocket and stalking off to go observe other prisoners.

There’s not much that you know about Jeon Jungkook, but you do know the bare minimum information like that he’s 23 and was incarcerated for a couple robbery charges. You try your best not to judge the inmates so you have firm belief that he had his reasons for doing what he did. They were never armed robberies so you definitely know he meant no harm. He was never as vocal towards you or even vocal at all in comparison to the others that were incarcerated that loved to chat your ear off. By the time you were out of your thoughts, leisure time was over it was time to usher the inmates to lunch. Once in the cafeteria another guard took your place while you were allowed to have your lunch break for the day.

///

Lights out was a genuinely hard task for you. The inmates just never wanted to settle down and they would only turn off their lights and pretend that they’re sleeping to pass the checks, but once your back was turned they would turn them back on. On the longer nights you would negotiate with your unit such as an extra 15 minutes of leisure time if they would cooperate. Now of course it sounds ridiculous that you’re negotiating with prisoners when you’re supposed to be laying down the groundwork of rules with them. The thing is that you hate the feeling of commanding people around even though they are the same as you. The other guards at the prison do not have nearly as much humanity as you do. It may be a naïve way of thinking. You would rather think like this then look down on the prisoners, you only wish them the best when they get out.

Doing your final check of the cells you walk past Jungkook’s and hear some rustling within his confines. You playfully roll your eyes and knock on the bars to his cell as a way to tell him to wrap it up and go to bed. He comes up close to the bars and quickly drops a paper through the gaps and goes back to his bed before you can respond. You pick it up and open it and you head to your locker to go pick up your belongings and go home for the night. You have messy handwriting greet you and you quickly inspect what this note says.

Dear Officer L/N, I think you’re very nice and I appreciate your hard work! I hope I can get to know you better in the upcoming months even if it’s through these silly notes. I hope you can reciprocate these since talking to you in person is hard (it’s not just ‘cause you make me so nervous). I also hope this doesn’t get you in trouble :( I just like talking to you, you’re the nicest person to me in this prison. Kindly, JK

This note had you grinning from ear to ear and even had your heart racing a little faster than normal. You couldn’t even pinpoint why, but you soon felt quite embarrassed from getting giddy over a note like a schoolgirl. You haven’t gotten male attention in a while, but you’ll be damned if you resort to getting attention from one of your prisoners, that’s just asking for you to lose your job. You stuff the note in your pocket hurriedly and that reminds you about the other paper that you got from the same man. You searched for tape in the back room and taped it to the inner part of the door of your locker and grabbed your belongings. Once you reach your car and start to head home you already start to plan your response to Jungkook’s note.

///

You walk into work with a little more strength to your stride and seem extra happy to wish the prisoners an extra good morning. You felt the folded paper burning in your pocket. You were overly excited to give Jungkook your personal note in return. This definitely was against the rules because you were not allowed to have any personal relationships with any of the inmates under any circumstances. Somehow Jungkook just made you want to break the rules and it made you feel free in an odd way, but you weren’t complaining by any means.

Once you made your rounds on morning checks you made an extra circle around the unit as an excuse to make it towards Jungkook’s cell and once you made it there you saw him expectantly waiting at the front of his cell. It’s almost like he knew you were going to make an extra round just to see him and it made you smile. A wide grin splayed across his face when he saw you slide your note to him and in return he slid you another paper. You raised an eyebrow since you weren’t expecting to receive a note from him, but instead you were given another drawing. This time it was a drawing of you and him together in a park having a small picnic. The picture made you want to hug him through the bars, but that would definitely get you in trouble. Instead you folded it up and placed it in the breast pocket of your uniform. You gave it two taps to show him that it was safe with you and then sent a wink in his direction. His smile managed to get even wider and you could see that this was going to be a blossoming friendship or even more once he was out of prison and you were very excited to see what the future held for you.

Notes: This was to celebrate me reaching 100 followers I hope you guys genuinely enjoyed this and I’m always happy to hear and feedback or opinions through replies or in my ask box! As always if you liked what I wrote a like and reblog are always appreciated and if you would like to support me further you can give me a Kofi.

[pepperonijem]

Silent Night || Steve Rogers

MASTERLIST

Pairing:  Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: None, just pure Christmas rom-com feels.

Word count: 3.4k

Summary: You need a fake date to bring home for the holidays. Steve is more than willing. (Fake Dating AU)

A/N: Don’t mind me, just overly obsessed with cheesy hallmark Christmas movies and Steven Grant Rogers. It’s my first fic in a very long time, please be nice ok thx bye have a happy holiday!

‘Twas the night before Christmas break, when all through the apartment complex, not a creature was sleeping, not even a mouse; luggage was packed, without so much as a care, in hopes that they would all soon be out of there. All except one, who wished to stay.

“I can’t believe you told your mom you had a boyfriend,” your roommate, Natasha, laughed. “Actually, I can’t believe your mom believes you have a boyfriend.”

You shot a look at her before tossing a pillow in her direction. “I’m just tired of her getting onto me about being a spinster,” you rolled your eyes as you recalled your mom’s pleading voice over the phone.

“So have you met anyone yet?” 

You couldn’t see her but you just knew how her eyebrows were raised in interest. It had become almost a weekly question, and for a second, you considered just hanging up right then, but then an idea came.

“Actually, I have,” you lied. It was only September, and you weren’t going to see your parents until the holidays, and by then, you could come up with a fake break-up story with your imaginary boyfriend. 

“Really?” you heard your mother squeal in excitement and you almost felt bad. Almost. “Tell me all about him, and make sure you bring him home for Christmas, I want to meet him!”

You couldn’t help but crack a sad smile as you fed your mom fake details about your fake relationship. “We met in class and started studying together and one thing led to another, and now we’re dating.” There. The bare minimum, but enough to keep her satisfied.

The impact of the pillow against your face snapped you out of your thoughts. “Weren’t you supposed to break up with your fake boyfriend before break?” She questioned. “What happened to that?”

Plopping down beside her on the couch, you sighed and hugged the pillow to your face. Natasha pulled the pillow away and you gave her a dirty look. “You know my mom,” you began. “I just didn’t want to disappoint her. I thought I would be able to find another excuse as to why he couldn’t make it to Christmas, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer after he missed Thanksgiving.” You turned to give Natasha a pleading look. “What do I do?” you asked.

“Well, I still think you oughta tell her,” Natasha admitted. “Or, you could bring home a fake boyfriend.” 

Immediately, you shot up and gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean a fake boyfriend?”

“A blow up doll,” she rolled her eyes. “No, obviously you just get someone to pretend to be your boyfriend and then they pretend to break up with you, and you pretend to be sad, and then that’s it. Easy peasy.” Natasha shrugged her shoulders and stood up to pick up her phone from the kitchen counter as if what she suggested was a simple idea. You could hear her furiously typing in the keyboard as she walked away from you.

“Nat, you’ve officially gone bonkers.” However, the longer you thought about it, the more desperate you became. “How would I even find anyone? Everyone’s packing to go home. And on top of that, who would even be willing to pretend to be my boyfriend? They’d have to be really dumb, or really bored to agree.”

“Sure, I’m in.” 

“Excuse me?” you asked incredulously.

“I said I’m in,” he repeated with a shrug of his shoulders.

A few minutes after Natasha suggested her idea, you heard a knock at your door. Natasha gave you a mischievous smirk as she opened the door and welcomed in the boy you’d been crushing on all semester. Steve was best friends with Natasha and her boyfriend and although you had hung out with them a few times, you always found yourself getting nervous around him.  He was never anything but kind to you, always making sure you were included in the conversation and taking time to include you in the inside jokes. 

Of course, Natasha knew about your crush and every so often would try to drop not so subtle hints to Steve. One time, Natasha and Bucky told you and Steve that the plan was to have dinner at 6:30 p.m. but didn’t show up until nearly 8. It was obvious that they were trying to set you up, but Steve never made a move and you didn’t want to be presumptuous, but at least he never made it awkward either. You knew Natasha was reeling inside at how perfectly things were falling into place. 

“But why?” You asked, still unable to process what Steve was agreeing to.

“Oh does it matter?” Natasha asked with an eye roll. “You said you needed a boyfriend, and Steve volunteered. It’s perfect!” She took Steve’s hand and led him to the couch where you were sitting on and pushed him to sit beside you. He offered a sheepish smile and left enough distance between you two to be polite.

“Well,” Steve began, turning to face you. “Bucky’s going over to Nat’s over the holiday, and my folks are out of town, so I was just planning to stay on campus for the break.” Natasha coughed and gave Steve a look that you didn’t quite understand. Steve stuttered before adding, “But Natasha mentioned that you needed a boyfriend -- a fake boyfriend -- and I couldn’t leave you in need.” Steve looked down at his hands and back up at you. There was an unmistakable twinkle in his ocean blue eyes and for a second, you let yourself get lost in the idea of what it would be like to hold his hand in the December cold. Natasha rolled her eyes and filled the spot between the two of you. 

“You two are hopeless.” She sighed, but a small smile still played on her lips. “Anyway, I’ve got it all planned out.” She turned to you first. “Since you never told your parents what your imaginary boyfriend’s name is, and every detail you’ve fed your mom is vague as hell, you can just fill in the blanks with Steve.” 

Standing up, she pointed at Steve. “Okay, Rogers, your job is just to make the parents believe that you are absolutely head over heels for their kid.”

“Easy.” Steve said instantly and you caught him glance in your direction with a smile before turning back to Nat. You felt your cheeks heat up and you sank further back into the couch.

“The important thing is to keep your stories straight, and remember, the most believable lies are based on truth,” Natasha ended. She looked down at her watch. “Alright, Bucky’s waiting down in the lobby, and we need to go so we don’t miss our flight.” She pulled you and Steve in for a hug before heading to the door where her luggage was waiting. “You two have a very happy holiday. See you in the new year!” 

As Steve shut the door behind Natasha, you found yourself feeling the butterflies that were hidden by the adrenaline from earlier. Steve turned to face you and gave you a comforting smile. “Look,” he began. “I just wanna be the best fake date you’ve ever had,” he joked.

“Well, you’re the only fake date I’ve ever had,” you laughed. Steve chuckled and you felt yourself grin. “Thanks, Steve, for doing this. You really don’t have to.” You looked down at your fidgeting fingers as you felt his gaze fall on you.

“I know,” he said softly. “I wanted to.”

The rest of the evening was spent planning. You put on the Charlie Brown Christmas special and ordered a pizza and began discussing every detail. You tried to think like your parents, wanting to have an answer for every single question they could ask. When was Steve’s birthday? What was your first date like? What’s your favorite pizza topping? Where did Steve grow up? It was like you were studying for an exam, except the longer you talked, the more you found yourself getting lost in the stories he told of Brooklyn, of his and Bucky’s teenage shenanigans, and it was all easy. 

Three movies and a box of pepperoni pizza later, the two of you had settled onto the couch, still trying to think of any other possible stories to tell before you quickly drifted off into a tired slumber. The last thing you remember was Steve’s voice and his arm wrapping around you.

When you woke up it was to the sound of your phone ringing. You sat up to find yourself wrapped in a blanket. You scanned around the living room as you recalled the events of last night and found no trace of the empty pizza box and paper plates or the mugs of hot chocolate you and Steve went through last night. Warmth rose to your cheeks when you remembered that you fell asleep on him, and fell into a small panic when you realized it was him calling.

“Hello?” You answered with a yawn.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Steve answered. You could hear the smile in his voice. “Did you sleep well?” he asked.

You smiled into the phone. “Yes, I did. Thank you for cleaning up, you didn’t have to --”

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart, I didn’t mind.” Sweetheart. He called you sweetheart as if it was the most natural thing to do. “Sorry, we never discussed nicknames, but it just came out,” he quickly added. “I just picked up some coffee, and I’ll be there in 15 to help you pack or anything before we go.”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a bit,” you hung up. You got yourself ready and answered the door for Steve. He handed you your coffee, two sugars, no cream, just the way you like it and you smiled as the scent of strong coffee hit your nose. Once you had everything packed, Steve grabbed your bag and the two of you made your way to his car and drove to your hometown. The drive was a few hours long, but Steve had a solid playlist full of karaoke songs that you loved, and the drive felt like it was not long enough.

The wreath on your parents’ door filled you with a sense of nostalgia. Or maybe it was nervousness? Butterflies? Whatever it was, the feeling settled heavily in your stomach as you rang the bell. You looked up at Steve, whose scarf was bundled tight around his neck, and his nose red from the cold, and he gave you an encouraging smile. “You ready?” he asked. 

Before you could answer, the door swung open and you and Steve were enveloped in a tight embrace as your mother squealed in happiness. The holidays had begun, and there was no backing out now.

The first few days of the trip had gone by without a hitch, much to you and Steve’s surprise. Your parents did their best to embarrass you with silly stories about your childhood, and while at first you were filled with dread, the lopsided smile he gave you after finding out you once dressed as a McDonald’s Happy Meal box for Halloween made it worth it. Your dad asked the hard questions, asking what Steve’s plans for the future with you looked like and you found your hands fidgeting under the table before Steve’s hand found yours with a squeeze and told your dad that he couldn’t see a future without you in it and you began to picture what that would look like.

Everything was easy with Steve, in a way that it never was. You’d wake up in the morning and head downstairs to find him already awake and laughing with your mom and dad with a coffee waiting for you. After dinner you knew you’d find him sitting by the fire with a book in his hands. As you walked around town you’d spot things in the windows, little tchotchkes that made you think of him. Steve was growing roots in your family and it was as if he was meant to be there, another picture in the family scrapbook, another stocking hung on the fireplace.

Sweetheart became more common. And soon, so did darling and honey. They began to bleed into the quiet moments when you were alone, where you weren’t supposed to be pretending anymore. The soft smiles, the way his hand reached for yours without a single glance, the warmth of his arms wrapped around you. All of a sudden it didn’t feel like you were playing pretend anymore and you wondered if he noticed it too.

It was when you realized how easy it was to be with him that you realized how hard it would be to let him go. The thought of an inevitable end to your not-so-fake-anymore relationship weighed upon you like a blanket of snow, cold enough to snap you out of your fantasy. You were sitting by the tree with Steve the night of Christmas Eve, wrapping some last minute gifts for your family when you felt it.

The end was coming.

Steve must have felt it too, or felt something was off, because he reached for your hand almost instinctively. You hesitated before slipping your hand in his and when you looked up, you met his eyes. Just over a week ago, his eyes were just blue. But now, you realized, there was a storminess hiding in the blues of his eyes, like there was lightning behind his irises, but an ever-present stillness to them too. In this moment, there was concern mixed into the grays and blues, and your stomach lurched in a desire to forget your realization, to relax back into the rhythm and rightness of pretend, but Steve deserved more than a fake relationship and you owed it to him.

“Sweetheart,” he began. “What’s wrong?” The plea in his voice made it obvious that he suspected what was wrong. He was only asking to give you a chance to tell him that his suspicions were wrong. A last chance to abort and keep the charade going.

Pulling your hand out of his was the hardest thing you’ve had to do, and the instant chill on your skin where his calloused hand was touching was impossible to ignore. “This,” you muttered, unable to meet his eyes. “Steve, we can’t keep pretending like this, not when I have real feelings for you.” You finally looked up at him and kept going. You wouldn’t be able to finish if he interrupted, and you needed to be heard. “I can’t tie you down to a fake relationship, when you deserve to be with someone you actually are in love with. You’re an amazing friend for even agreeing to do this, but I don’t want to force you to be part of a mess that I put myself into.” You stood up, and finally added, “You can go home tonight. I’ll tell my parents the truth in the morning, you don’t have to worry about it.” 

“Hold on, I--” you interrupted him with a final, lingering kiss, hoping that the memory of it would be enough for you. You felt the hesitation in his fingers as he reached up to cup your face, trying to keep you where you were, before you pulled away.

Without looking back, you turned around and walked up the stairs, trying to convince the tremble in your fingers and the pounding in your heart that you made the right choice.

The next morning you woke up and for a few seconds, you laid in peace until the regrets of last night flooded over you. You dragged yourself up off your bed, trying to cheer yourself up by remembering that it was Christmas. Part of you hoped that you would see him downstairs, talking to your mom about her favorite cookie recipe, but when you walked into the kitchen and found your mom by herself, you knew he was really gone.

“Hey honey,” your mom exclaimed, wrapping you in a tight hug that suggested she knew something was wrong. “Merry Christmas” she said into your hair. After a moment, she finally let go and the tears that were threatening to spill over finally gave way and your mom reached out to brush them away. She pulled you back into her arms, and once you managed to steady your breathing, the two of you sat down.

“I heard you and Steve talking last night,” she admitted. You let out a strangled sob and your mom reached out to rub your back. “Honey, you could have just told me the truth. I love you, and you don’t need a relationship to validate that.” She gave you a small smile. “But when I saw the way you looked at each other, well I have to admit, it was nice to know someone would be here to keep loving you long after I’m gone.”

You set your head down against the table. “Well too bad Steve was only pretending to love me,” you sighed. “He deserves to love someone for real. I couldn’t hold him back from that. It was unfair.”

“Pretending?” She asked incredulously. “Sweetie, listen to me. That sweet boy was head over heels for you, and anyone could see it. The way he looked at you everytime you laughed, and every time he walked in a room and he always looked for you first, no one could fake being as in love as he clearly is with you.”

Finally lifting your head up, you wiped your tears with your sleeve. Maybe those moments you thought you were imagining were really there. Maybe he wasn’t pretending. Maybe you were an idiot for walking away from you last night. You stood up, ready to find him and apologize. 

Feeling a rush of frenzy and determination, you ran upstairs to grab your keys and your coat, ready to ask your mom to drive you back to school so you can find him. Your heart was pounding in your ears and as you turned the knob to open your front door, you found yourself staring into a pair of stormy blue eyes.

“Steve?” your voice came out in a whisper. His hand was frozen mid-air, about to press the doorbell.

He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Sorry, were you heading out?” he asked.

You snapped yourself out of the trance you were lost in. “Uh Y-yeah, I was on my way to see you, actually,” you admitted. You stepped out of the doorway to let him in and you both stood in the kitchen. He set the bag he was holding on the counter and he opened the box.

“Donut? The only donut shop open was like 30 minutes away,” he offered, smiling as if you didn’t just try to break his heart last night. He handed you one, a chocolate with sprinkles, your favorite, before pulling out one for himself and taking a bite. He motioned for you to sit with him and you followed. “Listen, I--”

“Steve, I’m --” you both started at the same time. “You go first,” you allowed.

He nodded before continuing. “I know last night, you asked me to leave, but I couldn’t. At least not without telling you how I feel. You told me that you had real feelings for me, and I do too. Hell, I’ve had real feelings for you. Long before these last two weeks. When Nat texted me that night, I knew I finally had the perfect opportunity to tell you how I felt, but when we got here, everything just felt so… so real, and I let myself forget that it wasn’t. At least not yet. No matter how much I wanted it to be.”

You set down your donut, suddenly feeling that hunger was the least important thing you were feeling at this moment. Not wanting to interrupt, you simply nodded as he continued.

“I should’ve told you a long time ago, that I really, really, really, like you. None of this has been pretend for me.” He looked into your eyes, pleading, as he tentatively reached for your hand. “I want to do this the right way, no games, no schemes, just you and me. The real thing.”

The storm in his eyes seemed to make way for light, and the bright blues that disappeared behind his eyelids were the last thing you noticed before you felt your lips fall onto his. His hand reached up and you felt the pad of his thumb brush against your cheek. Gently, as though any more pressure and you would crumble like snow. You pulled away with a sigh, Steve’s lips chasing after yours.

“Merry Christmas,” you breathed out.

“Merry Christmas.”

[actuallyadhd]

Hey!, so I’ve been thinking I might have inattentive ADHD. Like, I have many symptoms (I think), but I’m not sure if at the same rate that people with ADHD. I mean, I experience them but maybe as everyone. I still haven’t had too much trouble (except with lack of motivation, some executive dysfunction, daydreaming a lot, not paying attention, rejection dysphoria, and I think I may suffer from sensory overload sometimes but I don’t really know how to know what those are...), but I think that as I have anxiety (most likely) and as I’m a teenager and live with my parents, the symptoms are like hidden with schedules as I don’t decide when to eat. But I’ve noticed when I’m alone, I skip some dinners, have late meals... And also, online classes hasn’t helped with my attention span.

It’s weird, because I’ve always been the best or one of the bests students of my class, not behaving bad. Being “a pleasure to have in class” and all that, and for what I’ve seen, it’s not typical. And symptoms have appeared, or at least I have acknowledged them (that’s most likely), this last year. Except for fidgeting (that’s always been there), daydreaming and many times not being able to pay attention.

What I’m scared of is that when I get older and live alone, I’ll be a complete mess. I already deal with anxious and depressed thoughts, I don’t want to have it harder. And I can’t really ask my parents for help since they very anti-psychologists and therapists, and I think I cannot be mentally ill. So they always say I’m very lazy, which hurts me because I can’t help but be always really tired or restless (so I don’t know if this is procastination and I’m just lazy or actually ADD). But then again, is just the typical teen hormones and anxiety, or ADHD?

And anxiety doesn’t help with thinking I’m just faking this... I’m sorry I rambled, but I can’t really explain it well. I don’t even know what I would get from this, but I think it could help me to know what is wrong.

Thanks!

Sent March 23, 2021

This is a tough one. As you say, there are a lot of different things that could be going on here. It’s particularly rough when the people you need to help you seem like they’d rather just make value judgments. So I’m going to make a few suggestions that might help you, and you can see what sounds feasible to you.

So first I’m going to recommend talking to your parents in terms of what it feels like to have the struggles you do. You said you’re tired a lot, so if you’re getting enough sleep you can definitely mention that. Tell them that you’d like to see the doctor to talk about how you’ve been feeling, so you can find out what’s going on. If you’re sure they will resist any mention of mental stuff, just talk about things like low iron, which is not something you should supplement without talking to a doctor first.

The four biggest things that impact our functioning and emotional state, regardless of whether we have ADHD or not, are sleep, diet, exercise, and stress levels. If even one of those is off, things get harder.

Sleep. You probably need more sleep than you’re getting. If I recall correctly, adolescents require (on average) a minimum of 9 hours of sleep per night. If you’re not getting that, you might benefit from making adjustments to your sleep habits. (Side Note: If anyone would like a post about sleep, please let me know and I’ll see what I can do!)

Diet. It’s important to eat a healthy diet with lots of vegetables and protein in particular. Some people find that a low-carb diet is great for them, while others find that they really need those carbs. To me, what matters is that you get enough protein. There are a lot of important things that protein does for your body and your brain!

Exercise. Cardio is best, but it doesn’t have to be high-intensity or anything like that. The most important thing is that you do something every day. A simple 15-minute walk can help your brain more than you think! On top of that, when you find your focus really lagging, a 5-minute active break can be a huge help in resetting your brain so you can get back to work.

Stress Levels. This is hardest to control. It’s important to find ways to lower your stress levels when possible. It’s been a really rough year, and stress levels are high for everyone. I recommend finding a couple of simple, screen-free activities that you can do to relax in the lead-up to bedtime, like colouring or taking a hot bath. I also recommend exploring stimming, as this can help relieve stress in the moment and can also help you focus if you’re unable to take that active break I talked about up above. Things like fidget cubes, knitting, and playing with Silly Putty can be really great for this.

I hope some of these will help you, and I’m sure some followers will have more suggestions. Be sure to check the notes on this post!

Followers, you’re up! Do you have any more suggestions for this anon?

-J

[monsoonblooms12]

Bittersweet (Ethan Ramsey x f!MC)

Summary: OH Book 1 Chapter 4 written from Dolores Hudson's POV

A/N: I really wanted to do this because Dolores is such an amazing person and this chapter is one of my favourites in the entire OH series. This picks up from the office fire and ends at Dolores's death.

A/N 2: The flashback portions are indented

If you enjoyed the story, please like it, leave a comment or reblog. Your feedback keeps me going🤍

Characters: Dolores Hudson, Ethan Ramsey, f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Pooja Sharma (f!MC)

Word Count: around 2.8 K

Rating: General

Category: Fluff then Angst

Disclaimer: PB owns most of the characters and some of the dialogues. I only own my MC.

Triggers: Complications in pregnancy, Few Curse Words, Character Death

Prompts: @choicesaprilchallenge2021 Day 23: Classic/Classical

Other Works

Clickety-clack!

Dolores's fingers danced on the keyboards in a swift motion as she strived to complete this last email and get home and have a sleep that she missed yesterday due to late-night cravings.

Around her, a chaos of whispers spread as her colleagues engaged in mindless chitter-chatter of the last hour before the end of the office day.

A few nudges of Hey, Dolores! and its variants reached her, but she steered past them, focusing completely on her work.

Just one more line anndd,

Done!

She hit the send and the ping of the 'sent' notification calmed her overworked nerves.

Come on, Lil tadpole, let's file these papers, get ice cream and go home.

She fondly rubbed her belly. 26 weeks in and yet the fact that she was going to become Mamma Froggy was overwhelming and exciting.

She got the prints and in a hurry, nearly got a paper cut.

Careful there! She cajoled herself and started filing those messy sheets of her hard work of the day.

She was almost done just as-

Waaahhh!

The blazing sound, very much like a siren's, reached all of them, leading to the eruption of panicked commotion between all of them.

They had been run through the fire drill so many times that they didn't need to be told that it was a fire alarm.

Dolores left all her possessions, carrying only her bag with the stuffed froggy she had bought for her baby and tried to run.

But being pregnant doesn't make it very easy. Even more, if there was a fucking fire at the place.

People went haywire. Very few cared about the fact that she was carrying a baby, and they should have the minimum decency to help. Most would selfishly try to save themselves, not giving a damn about anyone.

Dolores tried to pave a way for reaching the elevator. It was nearly impossible for her to get down the stairwell in time to save herself from the hazardous situation. She could see that most of the people had already evacuated.

Why was the fire department not here yet?

The fire was ablaze, surroundings hot, and amidst all, Dolores walked slowly, worried only about her little tadpole and not herself.

She pressed the buttons of the elevator. Waited. But nothing budged.

Fuck it!

Smoke engulfed her and she felt suffocated. All through the light-headedness, she could faintly hear, the siren of the ambulance. She hoped someone would save her from this fiery hell.

But there was no one to help her. No one around. The building burnt and if she did not think of something quickly, she would burn with it as well.

Not viewing any other options, she screamed with as much strength she could garner. Once, Twice, Thrice.

The next actions happened quicker than the blink of an eye. She saw a handsome EMT rush towards her. Even though she was already in a blazing environment, she couldn't stop the he's hot reflex of her brain cells. He came to her and reassured her that he would be able to save her and her baby, picked her up, and slowly, yet swiftly, got out of there.

Just like a superhero.

She thought of telling this story of Super-Man coming to save him and his Mama to her baby and the thought made her giggle.

Her head was light, and she felt choked, but her mind would keep going to the little angel of her womb, worrying only for him.

The last she remembers was reaching the ambulance and coughing vigorously. She couldn't breathe normally. She tried and failed miserably. A slow sensation of blacking out and after that, everything blank.

After who knows how long, Dolores feels the glare of white lights around her giving her eyes a painful competition to open up. She squints, tiredness spreading through her body. From office work or the life-threatening experience? She does not know.

She slowly, very slowly, tries to sit up, her hand on her belly, tenderly stroking it, as if to let the child know that his Mamma would not let any harm come to him. Nurses check in on her, one of them replacing the oxygen mask with a nose tube, and she felt a bit more relaxed.

As she was taking in the surroundings, she realized,

Edenbrook!

Coming back here after so many years brought back many memories. The first time she came here. Oh, how panicked she was! She was getting jitters but that calm and brilliant doctor took care of her, not only inside the hospital but also outside it.

Dr Ethan Ramsey.

He still worked here, he had told her in his last email. I need to meet him! She thought.

When was the last time they had met? In that coffee shop last year, right? It had been long.

She traced the name she had thought for her tadpole over and over again on her belly as if to make him memorize it before coming here to her, and looked around.

There was a minimum difference between the room she had been kept in the first time and the one in which she was now, but the time gap made her feel everything was new.

All of a sudden the door swayed, letting in a young doctor and,

Ethan!

She was genuinely excited about seeing him. Of all the possibilities, she hadn't really considered the fact that he would be coming to treat her. He has important cases to take care of than petty smoke inhalation, right?

A frown appears on his forehead. "What did you get yourself into this time, Dolores?"

His stern tone is the tough layer of a walnut, which hid his soft corner, the concerned heart. She smiled at the realization.

She quickly filled him in with all the details. The fire. The hot superman. The baby. Everything.

She finds the young doctor's surprise about Ethan having friends amusing. The look of surprise she had on her face was priceless.

But when the doctor asked her,

"Was Dr Ramsey always so mean?" she guards her mouth using her hand, "And so handsome?"

It was Dolores's turn to be shocked. She knew just how much Ethan hated interns. He used to whine about how stupid they were all the time to her, online & offline. And here was this intern, having enough courage to ask her such a question in front of him.

Impressive!

"This man's definitely got grouchier than before, but even then he had an edge"

"And as for handsome, I think he has aged like a fine wine" Dolores winked and Ethan fumbled for words.

When he got his tone back, it was strict.

No matter what anyone else thought, Dolores knew the real Ethan. The one without his rough and tough exterior and mean demeanour.

And that Ethan, if he ever came out, would make everyone fall in love with him.

As the doctors mumbled between themselves, she looked around, searching for something.

Umm Hmm. She couldn't see it.

"Excuse me Doctor Sharma" Both of them turned to look at her. "I remember having my bad when the hunk brought me out. Did they bring it here?" She asks, anxiety on its borderline, ready to burst out.

She needed it. Very Much.

Dr Sharma looks around for a bit, carefully conscious eyes trained to spot abnormalities. Her eyes, soon enough, fall on the side table of the bed and she picks the purse up and hands it over to Dolores.

Another frantic search follows. She turns all the contents up and down, her happy demeanour replaced with a visible frown.

It's not here, she says, evidently panicked.

A sadness spreads on her face.

"I must have dropped it in the office" She is on the verge of crying.

Dr Sharma places a kind hand on her shoulder. What Happened? Her questioning eyes wordlessly ask.

Dolores sighs, "It probably sounds stupid but I saw this adorable little frog on my lunch break and had to get it for my little tadpole."

"My parents are gone and the father's not in the picture." She adoringly places a hand on her swollen belly, "I just want everything to be perfect for him."

Dr Sharma gives her shoulder a gentle push of reassurance, and adds, "It's not stupid Dolores, absolutely not. I feel like you're going to be a great mom."

Her words make Dolores smile despite the upsetting circumstances, "Thank You. I- I just wished I hadn't lost it."

She stays lost in the thoughts and daydreams of her little tadpole playing with his first gift, growing ever more upset with every passing second.

"I and Dr Ramsey will find it for you!" Dr Sharma's excited tone jolts her out of her thoughts.

She is surprised first and slowly a smile appears, "Really Ethan? You would do that for me?"

He hesitates.

"Erm- Yes, sure." He fumbles.

"Dr Sharma, let's get this urine sample to the lab first. I will meet you in the lot in ten minutes."

Relieved and Happy, Dolores exclaims, "I am 26 weeks pregnant, Ethan. Not gonna take 10 minutes to make me pee!"

And in 15 minutes, they take her urine sample away and bid adieu with a promise of bringing her token of love for her tadpole back.

She was extremely grateful for Dr Sharma. She doubted if Ethan had given in the first time if it had not been her taking initiative.

Wait a Minute.

Ethan Ramsey listened to an intern? That too, in the first time itself? The observation blew her mind.

She recounted the time he had called her to his home to give a dinner treat. Lovely memories of a different face of the man came to her mind like the waves reaching the shore, one after the other.

"Mmm... Ethan, this is delicious!" Dolores found herself falling deeply in love with this masterpiece of Georgian stuffed chicken.

"Thank You, but it wouldn't have got done without your help" Ethan was never the type to take credit. Boast, Huh? What's that?

That's what she liked the most about him. A fine, handsome man, talented without bounds, a successful doctor having shitloads of money and a chef. He was a complete package and yet seemed to be subtly unaware of it.

They chatted about everything from opera to music to their first meet. It was a jolly time.

That is, until, the conversation landed on romance.

"So, seeing anyone?"

"No, not currently." He blushes a bit.

"Imagine" Dolores leans back on her chair, stretching her legs, "if, I said if, you fell in love with," she pauses to look at his curious face, "an intern?"

"Impossible."

It came even before she had finished the word. Dolores was amused.

"Just imagine!"

"I don't want to waste time imagining something as implausible as that. Can we talk about something else please?"

And here he was today, listening to an intern, a different demeanour than usual. Not that it was love, yet, but there was something.

Was he impressed by her?

He talked differently, listened patiently to the young doctor. That Ethan Ramsey who would not stand with an intern for 5 minutes, listened to one?

Anyone who knew him would laugh off the fact and say it was a joke.

Dolores made sure that if it happens, the falling in love with an intern, she will not let Ethan see the end of it. Teasing him to annoyance, yes that's what she would do.

She turned on some soft classical music on her phone, spreading an instant calm and dozed off for a while...

She gets up with a start on the sound of the door opening. She rubs her eyes to get a better view of the people in front of her.

It was Ethan and Dr Sharma!

She looked at them and yes! there it was, her tadpole's froggy.

She was overjoyed.

"You got it!" Dolores breaks into a grin as the sterilized frog is given to her.

"Happy now?" Ethan asks, the faintest glimmer of happiness in his eyes.

"Yes, very, very, much! Thank you so much, Ethan."

She pulls Dr Sharma into a small hug, "You too Dr Sharma, thank you!"

"Of course, Dolores." The young woman's beautiful face gleams at her, "and you can call me Pooja."

After few minutes of chit chat, Pooja leaves to get Dolores's reports.

"Switch on the TV Ethan, it's boring to sit here and do nothing."

"You know you can do better things than watching stupid TV shows?"

"I am doing it because I want to. The least who can do is help me." She shrugs.

"Fine, fine."

After going on a roundabout tour of the various broadcasted shows, they settled to watch a comedy.

Soon Ethan's stoicism got lost in the wilds and he started laughing along with her.

All the while Dolores held the Froggy affectionately to her tummy, to her little tadpole, as if to show it to him and ask if he likes it.

Amidst all the laughs, the medical reports are completely forgotten until there's a soft knock on the door and Ethan looks at someone from the corner of his eye and go out to meet them.

Still, she remains blissfully unaware of her health conditions and basks in the moments of delight she gets alone with her tadpole.

Her eyes remain glued to the TV screen until the doctors come in and from the morbid faces they wore, she knew that the reports were anything but good.

She switches off the TV.

"What is it? Ethan?"

Pooja steps forward, "I want you not to worry, Dolores."

She feels a mild panic attack bursting inside her, "T-That's what people say when there is something to be worried about. Is my tadpole okay?"

Pooja sighs, "Have you heard of preeclampsia? It's a disease affecting one out of ten pregnant women. In most cases, it is manageable, if monitored properly. But in your case-"

She pauses. And Dolores knows that whatever's coming will not be hopeful.

"It's serious."

Dolores quickly asks, "How serious?"

Not too much. Not too much. Please, god, not too much. She crosses her fingers.

"The blood flow to the placenta is slowing. It could deprive your baby of vital nutrients and oxygen."

With his morbid mask matching his melancholy tone, Ethan says, "Your baby is at risk."

Shit.

"B-But I can still feel the baby kicking!" She urges them to come and feel for themselves.

"Dolores it just means the delivery needs to be done early."

"Impossible." Dolores remarks with a deadly determination. "It's too soon."

"Babies delivered at 26 weeks have a good chance of survival." Dr Sharma tries to convince her.

"A-A chance?"

She is not going to play a game of chances with her beloved tadpole, her little jewel.

They keep convincing her.

"Yes he'll have to spend some time in the N.I.C.U and there are chances of post-birth complications-"

"And some don't make it at all. Is my baby is in danger now?" She asks with a motherly force.

"No, not immediately. But-" Ethan is on his tracks to convince her again.

"Then my little tadpole is staying put."

"Dolores—"

"No, Ethan! Just...give me some time! As long as you can give me. Please" It is a request from her heart, and she is on the verge of tears.

"I give you tonight. To come back to your senses."

When they leave, Dolores cries, caressing her belly, her little tadpole in there. She cannot take a risk with his goddamn life, never ever.

Tears roll down her cheeks and she holds the stuffed frog even tighter to herself, praying to god for his magical abilities and to save her baby.

Please.

She fell asleep while crying. When she wakes up, she finds a few unknown nurses and doctors standing there.

She tries to speak but cannot form words. Her head feels light, just like it did in the office building. She could not sense anything, swallowing was trouble.

She makes random sounds and the people come rushing to her, just as her body breaks into violent convulsions.

"We need to take her to the surgery, QUICK!"

They call for a code blue and everything that happens following that is a haze to her.

They are rushing her to the surgery. Her body shakes vigorously, and she can feel that she doesn't have much time left.

She holds the doctor's hand who was rushing her to the O.R.

"N-nam-me him-m E-Ethan."

And with that, she slowly spirals down the realm of unconsciousness, the last thought to ever strike her mind was,

Little tadpole, mamma loves you. You will be okay. Mamma will always be there with you, for you.

And with that her breath leaves her body, the last tear dropping on the O.R. bed.

As Ethan Hudson sees the light of his new life, Dolores passes away into the darkness.

I love you little tadpole.

PS: Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a great day ahead! Love, Manamee🤍.

Tags (Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed!): @bbrandy2002 @whimsicallywayward15 @ohramsey @natureblooms24 @nervoussaladsludgeopera @trrfanaddict @hopelessromanticmonie @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @lovablegranny @bellcat2010 @gkittylove99 @kingliam2019 @starrystarrytrouble @3riche @chetachisblog @zoehanji @withbeautyandrage @drariellevalentine @mvalentine @aestheticartsx @angela8754 @schnitzelbutterfingers @ao719 @choicesstan1 @neotericthemis @nikki-2406 @anotherbeingsworld @maurine07 @sophxwithers @twinkleallnight @choicesaddict5 @gardeningourmet @mysticaurathings @jessiembruno @stygianflood @aleynareads @mercury84choices @udishaman @jamespotterthefirst

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics @choicesbookclub

[toogayforthistoday]

Little bit of a rant, cause I'm back on the Borderlands!AU hell wagon, Borderlands is one of my Special Interests so of course I'm hyperfocusing on the lore again, and continuity errors bother me

Spoilers for Borderlands 3, said rant, and pet death mention under the cut

I was writing some more of Gabe and Dabi's Borderlands!AU, cause I had to put my Heart Rat, Eris, to sleep last week, the night before I was supposed to get home from my trip, and I'm still incredibly heartbroken about it, and for some reason my go-to coping mechanism is writing hurt/hurt, no comfort, we march into the thorn bushes naked to feel better /j /ij /lh

I was thinking about making Hawks another Siren for story purposes (screw genders, we're all hermaphrodidic frogs in this house /j /lh /ij), so I went to go look at the list of known Sirens...

And I think I just realized there’s a canon timeline issue if there’s only supposed to be 6 Siren’s at a time, with the 7th and final one locked away for everyone’s safety.

Because at the time of Borderlands 1, we have:

Lilith, with Phasewalk (who was a Siren from a young age)

Steele, with an unknown power (who had the rank of Commandant in Atlas’ Crimson Lance)

Maya, with Phaselock (who got her powers as an infant, and given to the Order of the Impending Storm)

Amara, with Phasetrance (who has had her powers since childhood, first using them when she fought a bully)

Angel, with Phaseshift (who got her powers as a child, and was at the very least in her mid-to-late teens while helping the first batch of Vault Hunters) and

Tyreen and Troy, with Phaseleech (who it is implied got their powers from Nyriad, seeing as the ancient Eridian-Speaking Siren had locked them in the Vault on Nekrotafeyo where the twins were conceived | As up until this point all Sirens were women, it is assumed that the only reason Troy is a Siren is because he was Tyreen’s parasitic twin, and somehow ended up absorbing some of Tyreen's Siren abilities as well)

They were all, or at the very least should have been, Sirens, so there's the 6 right there.

By my math (apologies if I'm horrendously off here, I'm going off my memory and 2 minute google searches through both fandom wiki and the Borderlands threads on Gearbox's Forum site, so something's bound to be off), there's:

About 5 years between Borderlands and Borderlands 2 (Mentioned many times in-game)

There's about a year between End Game-Borderlands 2 and the Commander Lilith and the Fight for Sanctuary DLC (Lilith mentions Mordecai had been sober a full year so he could properly raise Talon, who hatched shortly after Handsome Jack's death)

Then 7 - 8 years between Commander Lilith and Borderlands 3 (Off-handed comment from Vaughn about the VR torture devices only really being used to play games from 7 years ago, making reference to Borderlands 2 VR | Tiny Tina has 'World's most dangerous 13-year-old' in her Borderlands 2 Title Card, and 'All grown up. Still insane.' in her Borderlands 3 Title Card. Presumed to be around 20 as Gearbox has yet to give an official age)

So 11 years minimum, 15 years at max, and both those numbers are if we fudge them as far as canonically possible. And all of these lovely ladies, and Troy (with the obvious exceptions of Angel, whose power passed on to Tannis, and Commandant Steele, whose power is probably currently sitting in some poor teenager at this point, can't wait to meet you in Borderlands 4!) are at least in their late 20's - early 40's during the events of Borderlands 3?

So here's where my issues show up

There’s a couple of comics set during Borderlands 1 (Borderlands: The Fall of Fyrestone and Borderlands: Tannis and the Vault), that introduce another Siren: Asha, with some kind of Animal Control ability that I cannot find if there was ever an official name given or not, other than Animal Control.

According to the comics, Asha was employed by Marcus as an attendant in Fyrestone, greeting the Vault hunters as they come through the town and helping them get set up, as well as close friends with Claptrap. Two months prior to Roland, Mordecai, Brick and Lilith being dropped off in Fyrestone, Nine-Toes had rigged a bus to explode on arrival as part of his first attack on the town, and Asha was thrown into a coma when she was hit with shrapnel. Claptrap sent her to New Haven to been cared for by Tannis, finally regaining consciousness just before the Vault Hunters leave to fight Sledge. The only time we ever see her use her Siren abilities is when the final piece of the Vault Key is eaten by a Rakk Hive, leaving Tannis, Asha and Claptrap to rescue the nearly defeated Vault Hunters. Claptrap gets badly damaged, Asha reveals to him she's a Siren, she disperses the Rakk swarms, letting the Vault Hunters launch a bomb into the Rakk Hive, killing it.

Asha's status has been listed as unknown, and I cannot find anything about if the comics are canon or not. But that is still 7 Sirens during Borderlands 1.

So, as I was playing through Borderlands 3 on stream, back when it originally was released, I came across Nyriad's Audio log, "Warning":

You. You know now all that I know. This was an epitaph, not for myself, but for the world I knew. I have brought ruin to the Sirens, murdered the Eridians, and imprisoned a primordial force of the universe. Perhaps I have earned your hatred, or your sympathy. But that is not why I write these words. I have told you the truth, no matter its hard edges. Before I can put my fractured mind to rest, I must pass one more warning.

You must never find the Seventh.

(I could not find the written transcript for this Eridian Writing anywhere, even on the fandom wiki, so I ended up transcribing it myself from a video. Many thanks to EruptionFang on YouTube for having the complete Eridian Writings Messages with timestamps so I didn't have to launch my game just to get it)

Anyways, I pointed out that I could have sworn I'd read something, probably around the time of, or just before Borderlands 2 official release date, saying that there were only ever 7 Sirens at a time, and was very confused as to when they'd changed it to only 6. Am I the only one that happened to? Is this another case of the Mandala Effect?

But back to my rant, did Nyriad think of herself as the Seventh? Or was she referencing another of her sisters? Cause if she was talking about herself, then I kind of wish Nyriad has been clearer in her warnings, y'know? Instead of being vague... But if she was talking about one of her sisters, then yeah, canon's wrong. The way she worded her warning kind of made me think she was referring to one of her sisters, so...

The other possibility is that the comics are not canon at all, in which case canon's correct. But I would like official clarification on that.

Can we please know, Gearbox?!? I'm begging you guys to give us a straight answer!

But yeah. Mini rant over. Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk.

[one-piece-dumpster-fire]

Normally I'd be too shy to send but heck it. May I have fluffy headcannons for Sabo, Thatch, Ace, and Marco of cuddles, kisses, and encouragement while trying to help their s/o study? Please and thank you queen uwu💖💖💖

I'm so sorry it took so long my dear😭!!! I hope you can forgive me and still enjoy what I came up with- despite the terribly long wait rip💔

The boys 'help' you with studying- headcanon

Sabo

he actually suggests that you should study together- since Sabo always has some reports left to fill anyway, he thinks it's a brilliant idea to take care of your duties together.

spoiler: it isn't. He can't focus on his work when you're next to him. No way. His fingers are constantly wandering from the papers on his desk over to your hand or face

sometimes he also can't help himself and starts toying around with your hair and compliments you on how beautiful you look, and the work he was supposed to do is almost completely forgotten within minutes

some may say he's just so touchy because he wants to distract himself from the boring paperwork, but you and I know that he simply adores you too much to ignore you. It seems almost cruel to him to focus on his work while you're by his side! Obviously he needs to show you how much he loves having you around, even at the price of barely getting anything done himself

when he reached the point where he absolutely can't keep his hands to himself anymore, he'll just pull you into his lap and tells you to stay focussed while he's taking in your scent and the feeling of your skin

okay, as nice as this is, you're not really making any progress right now. Mh. Perhaps Sabo could try and help you with your studies first, and then you can keep him company while he's doing his paperwork...? Technically, you'd still be taking care of your duties together that way!

the Chief of Staff most likely has no clue on what you're studying, but that won't stop him from telling you how smart you are and how he believes that you'll rock whatever subject you're focussing on!

whenever you're finished with a portion and turn to the next page, he makes sure to reward you by pressing a soft kiss to your temple or neck while encouraging you to go on

if it helps your cause, Sabo might even suggest to take your book and ask you questions about the current topic, almost like a small pop-quiz. It always ends in disaster though since he knows barely anything about the stuff you're working with, and sometimes he even answers his own questions as a result

whenever that happens, you are bound to break out in laughter and correct him when he gets something wrong. The pop-quiz he envisioned might not work, but this is another good way to test your knowledge, wouldn't you agree? And of course you two also get to goof around together that way, which is a huge plus to him. Studying and being focussed is super important of course, but you also gotta take a break and have a good laugh with him from time to time!

Thatch

he's such a devoted boyfriend that he actually helps you plan a studying schedule. Your sessions are usually in the evening or early afternoon, aka when he's not busy in the kitchen and can be with you while you're working on your stuff

now, Thatch is aware of the distracting presence he might have, so he tries to keep his interruptions to a minimum. As much as he'd love to be by your side and cheer you on 24/7, it probably won't be a good idea

instead he occasionally leaves to patrol the hallway to make sure that no one else tries to interrupt you. Especially Ace is forbidden from entering your room during study time- Thatch knows that the young pirate will just drag you away from your books and pull you into some dumb nonsense as always, and you can't have that

however Thatch is also unable to leave your side for long. He's slightly worried about all the work you have to take care of, and soon enough he's in your room and by your side again to make sure that you're okay

and- you probably guessed it- he also provides you with snacks and meals all throughout your study session. You need to eat and supply your brain with enough nutritions if you want to power through this!

if there is any topic in your textbooks that Thatch is even vaguely familiar with, he'll pull out a chair and sit down next to you to 'help' as good as he can. Even if it's not much. In his mind it might make you feel as if you're not alone with this

when it starts to get late and more cold, he's always sure to get you a blanket and some hot chocolate to keep you comfy. And- of course- he'd gladly reward you with some snuggles and kisses after your long studying session as well. You more than earned it!

in the end it's always him who pulls you away from your books and reminds you to get some rest. You can't argue with the cook on this- when he says it's time for bed, it's time for bed

during some nights, when you find it hard to fall asleep because your mind is still filled with all the knowledge you forced into it, Thatch comes up with a little game to play- instead of counting sheeps, you need to list something new you learned today and then he'll do the same. It usually ends with him rambling on and on about some new kitchen tool he found, which he keeps talking about right until he notices that his boring lecture has put you to sleep. Just as he planned...

Ace

he's flunctuating between wanting to help you with your studies and wanting to pull you away from them so he can keep you all to himself

whenever you're sitting in your chair, hunched over your books, Ace will show up and hug you from behind, his eyes peeking over your shoulder to look at what you're studying, feigning interest

sometimes he'll read a few words and pretend to know what it's about, just so he can talk with you. But you're always so caught up in your studies that you have to push him aside; and although Ace sorta understands it, he's still a bit upset that he can't spend time with you as usual

in an attempt to get you to pay attention to him, he would often press small kisses to your cheek while his head rests on your shoulder and he continues to engulf you from behind

he definitely admires your determination and how you can stay focussed on boring stuff like this for so long. If it was him, he'd probably be dead asleep in just a few moments

talking of which... 15 minutes into your studies, the sound of Ace snoring will ripple through the air. And since his head is still lying on your shoulder and close to your ear, you get to hear it at full volume

after you shake him awake a bit, your boyfriend will try his hardest not to fall asleep again- because he's scared that you might send him away if he does- but this is a battle he just can't seem to win...

as he's desperately trying find something to distract himself, Ace eventually decides to grab one of your textbooks and take a look at what you're dealing with. But again, he's unable to make any sense of it and asks you how you can stay concentrated on weird stuff like this

perhaps you could enlighten him a bit and explain what your current subject is all about? There's no guarantee that he'll understand anything you're talking about, but Ace would rather listen to you talk about the stuff than try to read about it in some stupid book by himself

the young pirate is utterly fascinated by how much you know. Obviously he still has no clue why you have to learn all that stuff, but it sure is impressive! Compared to how little education he has, it's almost as if he's dating a genius!

such a smart and determined partner definitely deserves some recognition. Once you're done with your studies, Ace will pounce on you like a needy cat and show you just how proud he is by pulling you against him and peppering your face in greedy kisses as if there's no tomorrow

even though he's proud of you for staying strong throughout your studies, he's far more excited to have you pay more attention to him now; without any of your annoying books getting in the way

Marco

unlike the others, Marco is truly 100% keen on making sure that you can work as efficiently and calmly as possible. Before you even start with studying, he's already setting up your desk for you and also observes how you're feeling to see if you're really in the mood for it

after all, nothing good is gonna come out of it if you force yourself! Your thoughts might wander and the time will be wasted. So before you sit down and learn, he is sure to spoil you and make you feel utterly relaxed so you won't stress too much

during studies, he often prefers to take on the role of a teacher and 'tutors' you on what you're currently working on

at night he secretly stays up and looks through your textbooks to see what subjects you have to prepare for, and if he can help with anything, he sure as hell will

it's kind of his personal job to stay up to date with whatever you're doing, so you always have him to rely on whenever you might struggle or not understand something.

whenever he can, Marco will come up with memory-bridges to help you mesmerize certain things more easily, and sometimes those references can even connect to situations you might remember from something that happened with the crew

and of course Marco often praises you for how strong and smart you are- even if you don't understand something at your first attempt, he knows how hard you're trying and always encourages you to keep going. He's certain that there's not a single obstacle you won't be able to overcome, as long as you put your heart and soul into it!

whenever you reach a new milestone or finish a study session, he rewards you. Said rewards can be cuddle sessions, showers of kisses, or him giving you a nice massage to help relax your muscles from sitting at your desk for so long

as your doctor as well as boyfriend, he's always concerned about your well-being. Intense studying sessions as well as the pressure to get everything mesmorized can be very emotionally taxing, and Marco makes sure to keep a close eye on you and your mental health so you won't get burned out

there's definitely a break-plan he designed just for you, and if he's not around to remind you to taking some time off every now and then, he'll get another crew member to jump in for him

what matters the most to him is how you're feeling. So even if there are days where you don't live up to your own expectations, Marco would never dream of scolding you for it. Instead he reminds you that you did your best and already learned so much- plus, tomorrow is a new day! If you couldn't do everything today, you probably will do it some other time. He's confident in that!

[lihikainanea]

what is a normal day for Bill and Tiger like? we talk a lot about alll the sexy stuff they do and how that side of their relationship works (my love for that part of their relationship is too large to put into words) but we don’t talk too much about the small domestic aspects of it all - 🍋

Oh god sweet nani, I am so here for the soff domesticated stuff this week. I am just ACHING for some casual intimacy, the doldrums of everyday life but made just a little special when a strong pair of arms wraps around you, or when you roll over in the night and bump into a warm chest. The types of weeks where you’re both just going through bullshit, you’re tired, but it’s also just a little easier to have someone around who is doing little things to make you happy.

Soft, domesticated life is truly the best and most telling form of intimacy. I don’t care if you kiss hello or goodbye in public. I don’t care if you pose for nice photos. Do you hold hands on the couch, when nobody in the world is watching? Do you hug when passing each other in the hallway, when no one would know?

The most incredible, the most telling intimacy is the kind that exists when there is no audience to observe it. There’s no show. There’s no decorum. It’s just pure.

And the normal day to day life...I kind of love it. If Bill isn’t working, he’s still the one to get up early and wake tiger up for work. Tiger is fucking miserable in the mornings, and Bill isn’t a huge fan either but if he can start her day off a little better just by being awake, by hugging her closer as she wakes up, by helping her get out of bed by getting out of bed too--then that’s what he does. He still makes her her coffee even on the weekdays, pops a mug on the sink in the bathroom so it’s there when she gets out of her shower. He doesn’t talk much in the morning because she hates it, so conversation is really kept at a minimum. He gets her lunch ready while she gets dressed, shoves a granola bar in her pocket for her drive to work because tiger gets nauseous if she’s had too much coffee on an empty stomach. Maybe she calls him at lunch, maybe not. There are definitely a few text messages a day. He pours her a glass of wine when she gets in, but tiger also has this thing where she needs to unwind a little from her day. Truth be told, Bill is the same way. She hates coming in from work and immediately eating dinner--she wants some cuddle time on the couch first, glass of wine in hand, she wants to hear about his day and she wants to tell him about hers. No matter how late she gets in, that one hour of wind down time is mandatory.

And like, if Bill is working I kind of think it’s even sweeter. Their weekends tend to be pretty busy in that case, prepping easy meals for the week. He gives tiger his shooting schedule and she looks It over, figures out when he’ll be home that week. There’s always laundry to catch up on, groceries, trying to see where they can fit in some time together. A lot of it is napping too, Bill is physically exhausted from his week and tiger just wants to be near her Big Dude for all those glorious sleepy snuggles.

Bill really only has two types of shooting schedules: day shoots where he’s out of the house at 4AM and back at 8PM, or night shoots where he’s out of the house at 6PM and back at 8AM. Tiger isn’t sure which ones she hates more. When it’s day shoots, she has to throw her own ass out of bed and she doesn’t even get any morning cuddles out of it. After the whole debacle with the last coffee maker, Bill takes a much easier approach now. After his morning coffee (a solid 5 hours before tiger would crawl out of bed for hers) he washes the machine out, gets it ready, and programs it to start brewing 15 minutes before she wakes up so a cup will be ready when she stumbles out of bed for it. He putters around before he leaves--gets her lunch ready and leaves it in the fridge, sticks a note on the front door telling her not to forget her lunch, puts out two towels in the bathroom for her shower (and after his shower, he always leaves a note in the steam on the mirror so that she’ll see it when she gets out of her shower). He’ll kiss her goodbye and try not to wake her up, and if he can, he’ll call her from set when she’s supposed to wake up. it’s not always possible, but he tries his hardest.

Tiger sometimes feels really lonelywhen he’s on day shoots. She wakes up alone, and when she gets back home from work he’s still not there. She’ll pour her glass of wine, relax on the couch. It’s why meal prep on the weekend is so crucial, so that she doesn’t have to run around and scavenge for dinner. She can unwind and wait for him to come home--and she greets him with a big sappy smooch, a long hug, and a glass of scotch. They eat dinner together and usually immediately after, Bill’s eyes are closing from his long day.

Night shoots are a little easier on them. He gets home right at the time tiger should be waking up, so he crawls back into bed with her. On night shoots, tiger starts some very specific negotiations immediately when her Big Dude pulls her back into his chest. If she showers but spritzes her hair with dry shampoo instead of washing it, she can get snuggles for another 7 minutes. If she forgoes a full make up routine and just keeps it basic, she can maybe squeeze out another 12 minutes of snuggles. If she shows up half an hour late to work but stops and gets donuts on the way, then she can stay in bed for another 6 minutes and fill her car up with gas too on the detour to the donut shop.

Anything and everything gets sacrificed the minute he crawls in behind her and wraps those strong arms around her.

And night shoots are kind of glorious because when he gets back in the morning, he can actually spend some time with her before he goes to sleep. He’ll make her coffee. Maybe she’ll make an effort to sit down and eat breakfast, and he’ll be eating dinner at 8AM (tiger always leaves him a plate in the fridge, from the night before). Maybe they’ll even shower together, and tiger will get a little pre-work lovin’. He gets her lunch ready, kisses her goodbye, and then she goes to work and he goes to bed. It’s kind of cute, right? Because then tiger will get home from work and she’ll wake Bill up, and it’ll be time for him to have breakfast and for her to cook dinner. He has coffee and orange juice, she has wine. They get some quality snuggle time in too, before he leaves for work. Nights are no doubt hard for her though, having to sleep without that furnace beside her. The bed just feels too big and too empty without him in it.

These tiny routines, just these small things that they do for each other just to make the other happy...nani, I die. Every time.

[dexiao]

Business trip (m) | Xiao Dejun

Synopsis: Y/N and Dejun worked together for 8 years as book editors and never got along, but they’re forced to travel together to a small town and get stuck there because of a snowstorm.

Pairing: Xiao Dejun x female reader

Words: 4.9k

Genre: Book editors!au, light angst, tiny bit of fluff, smut

Warnings: safe sex, oral (female receiving), handjob (male receiving) 

A/N: I guess this took me about 3 weeks or more to write because I just ran out of inspiration, and then when I finally got inspiration again I was super busy with college stuff. About the plot, I think it showed a bit of dominance from Dejun, BUT if I decide to keep writing in this same universe/context, it’ll probably show a lot more of a sub!Xiaojun (I just get these vibes, idk?). Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know your opinion and/or if you found any mistakes!

This is a work of fiction. It does not portray the real personality of the member.

Books are probably my favorite thing on Earth besides my dog. I love the thought of living surrounded by books because it made me feel safe. Thus, it made just perfect to sense to work as a book editor.

In general, I felt satisfied about my job. I mostly did things I enjoy and with people I feel comfortable with – except by one other editor, Xiao Dejun. We were hired at the same time, 8 years ago, and never really got along.

At first, I tried my best to be nice and friendly to him – just like I acted with everyone else at the company – and he seemed to buy it for some time, until he changed overnight and started acting like a bitch. And by ‘acting like a bitch’ I don’t mean only not doing any favors I asked him. Actually, he wouldn’t do the bare minimum, like holding the elevator door or answering the telephone for me when I went to the restroom.

So you can imagine how co-working with him must be the least likeable thing about my job. That’s what made me angrier when our boss demanded that we traveled together.

“Don’t even look at me with those faces.” John, the boss, stated. “You both know Dejun is our best editor on thriller stories and Y/N is best with dealing with people. Especially in this case that the writer never published anything on his entire life.” I sighed and noticed Dejun getting ready to complain as Johnny made a brief pause. “I know you to are my best choice. I don’t give a shit if you hate each other because I trust both of you as professionals.”

That settled it.

And that’s why we traveled to Irisburg in the middle of the winter in the first place.

It took about 3 hours by car – I was driving – to get to the small town. The trip was silent most of the time, the only sounds being my Arctic Monkeys playlist, the car’s engine and eventually the rain pouring.

Dejun and I talked strictly talked about the reason of the trip and nothing else. In other words, we talked for about 15 minutes only, and avoided saying anything for the rest of the time.

The meeting lasted around 2 hours. Since the writer was a beginner, we had to explain everything about how the company works, his rights and duties. I’d hypocritical if I didn’t admit John was right. Dejun and I conducted the reunion very well.

The problem was that during the meeting, an unexpected snowstorm began. We were fully clothed, prepared to face the cold weather, but not to face the road block due to the snow. Needless to say we both were pissed off by the situation.

“Maybe we should call John.” Dejun suggested. “Tell him about the meeting and about this.”

“You’re right.” I said, already reaching for my phone.

“As always.”

I rolled my eyes at his words, pressing the call button and discovering that my phone was out of service.

“Oooh hell, no. This can’t be.” I widened my eyes at Dejun, who was staring at me with a confused expression. “Is your phone working?”

Dejun checked his phone.

“Fuck, no.”

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair.

“Let’s find somewhere we can use a phone, then.”

“Alright, and keep calm.” Dejun said, the stress palpable in his tone.

“I am calm, I’m just frustrated.” I replied, keeping my eyes on the road and looking for somewhere we could stop at.

“I was telling that to myself.”

After a few minutes we stopped at a convenience store. I went straight to the restroom to wash my face and try to calm down. Though I tried not to show that to Dejun, I was really nervous about being stuck in this town.

A moment later, I exited the restroom and found Dejun talking to the cashier, seeming worried. As the cashier glanced at me, Dejun turned around to face me as well.

“It seems like we have no way out. All roads are blocked until the snow stops and the streets are cleaned. Even if we call Johnny, there’s nothing to do.” He stated.

“That is great, really. Is there even a hotel in this fucking town?”

“There is one three blocks from here.” The cashier said, obviously containing a laugh at my reaction.

“Thank you, Zack.” Dejun replied and walked towards me, lowering his voice and putting a hand on my arm. “Look, Y/N. I don’t like this situation either, but it could be worse. At least we won’t have to sleep in your car.”

Although what I interpreted from his sentence was more like ‘at least we won’t have to sleep together’, I had to admit Dejun was right again, so I exhaled heavily. So I gave up, feeling my shoulders shrink.

“Let me just grab some coffee and then we can go, alright?”

“Sure.” He smiled briefly. “Maybe we should eat too.”

So we ended up eating sandwiches and drinking coffee at the convenience store, complaining about the situation and grabbing some snacks for the night. We ran to the car, trying to protect from the wind and the snow the best way we could.

As we entered the hotel, I already noticed how modest it was. The building only had three floors, no elevator and the decoration was very simple. The receptionist was a man who seemed to be around 50 years old.

“Good evening, how may I help this beautiful couple?” He smiled. I looked at Dejun in amusement, just to see his face becoming red.

“Actually we’re not a couple.” I responded, smiling fondly. Dejun waited behind me. “We’d like two single rooms.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. But we only have one room left and only has a double bed.” I felt my expression change at his words.

“Isn’t there a couch or a spare mattress?” Dejun asked, coming closer to the table.

“There isn’t, I’m sorry.” The man answered, visibly apologetic.

“It’s ok. You can have the room, I’ll sleep on the car. Just let me take a shower.” I suggested.

Dejun nodded and the man gave us the key to room n. 23.

Dejun and I climbed up the stairs to room n. 23 in silence.

I unlocked the door and we both stepped in, taking a good glance at the room.

It wasn’t that bad. The bed had lilac sheets. There were some flyers, a lamp and a vase with artificial peonies on top of the nightstands on both sides of the bed. There was a desk and a chair close to the window, and an open wardrobe with blankets and towels.

“Do you want to shower first? I don’t mind” He asked, walking towards a nightstand to look at the flyers.

“Alright.”

I grabbed a clean towel and threw it over my right shoulder, heading to the bathroom. When I opened the door, I realized another issue.

“Actually…” I turned to Dejun, who mindfully read something. “I just realized I don’t have clean clothes to put on.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and mouth.

“Crap, me neither.”

I dropped the towel on the chair and closed the bathroom door again, sighing.

“Maybe we should ask the receptionist if there’s a Target or something nearby.” I suggested, already grabbing my purse and walking out of the room. Dejun followed me.

It turned out that there’s wasn’t a Target nor anything nearby. We ended up back to the convenience store from before. And there weren’t many options on what to buy.

It was pretty compelling to browse for clothes with someone I am not close at all. Knowing each other and working together for years never made that.

Therefore, I left the store with new panties, sweatpants and a hairbrush. Dejun also bought underwear and sweatpants (matching colors with mine since there were only gray pants on sale), along with razor blades.

Back in the hotel, Dejun started laughing as we entered the room. So I raised my eyebrows at him.

“You gotta admit, Y/N. Even though we don’t get along, we’ll have a lot of stories to tell from this event.”

I let out a breathy laugh and went to the shower.

As the hot water poured on my body, I tried to keep my mind from becoming paranoid. Everything would be alright. I would sleep in the car, get up by the sunrise, drink coffee and read my book at the convenience store until the snow melted, and by tomorrow noon we would be back home.

Out of the shower, I dressed up and blow dried my hair as quick as possible. When I left the bathroom, Dejun stood by the window, with the towel hanging on this neck.

Our eyes met and he went straight to the bathroom after realizing it was his turn, but stopped before closing the door and faced me again.

“What do you think about having dinner here? It’s getting late and I doubt there’s any place we can go by now. Besides, I took a peek at the menu and it seems pretty decent.”

“Can I think about it while you shower?” I asked, pondering the pros and cons of just eating the snacks I bought previously.

“Sure.” He said and closed the door.

I laid in the bed and reached for the menu flyer from the nightstand.

I opened my eyes and frowned, not remembering where I was for a moment. I had been sleeping for who knows how much time. Dejun was at the door, talking to someone. I sat on the bed and rubbed my eyes, hearing him shut the door.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He stated, apologetic. He held a tray with pizza and coke. Also, Dejun was wearing glasses, which he never did at the company. And he looked pretty good like that. In sweatpants, glasses, hair still a little wet. A pretty domestic sight to look at.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry for sleeping too.” I smiled, feeling shy.

“Anyway, since you were asleep I ordered pizza for us.” He motioned his head towards the table where he left the tray.

On top of the chair in front of the table laid a wet towel, that I supposed was Xiao’s since I left mine next to me on the bed.

Then I realized that it remained untouched. It was almost one hour and forty minutes since Dejun entered the shower, so he must have been sitting on that chair all of this time.

That made me feel even more ashamed of falling asleep.

“Y/N, is everything ok?” He asked, sitting on the chair.

“Oh, sure! Just let me wash my face before we eat ‘cause I’m still half asleep.” I responded, grabbing the towel next to me and heading to the bathroom, hearing Xiao laugh.

I hung the towel on the shower stall and threw the cold water on my face, feeling more awake instantly.

As I left the bathroom, Dejun had already opened the pizza box and brought it to the bed, the glasses of coke on one of the nightstands.

He zapped mindlessly through the TV channels, stopping in a Sandra Bullock movie.

We ate sitting on the bed, legs crossed like kids.

Grabbing my second slice of pizza, I decided to not let the meal be silent as most of the day had been.

“You know, Dejun, this situation sucks. But I have to admit that I underestimated you. I am enjoying being with you.” I said, looking at the pizza before taking a bite. Xiao raised one eyebrow at my words.

“You say this but you literally slept like 90% of the time we spent here.” He replied, teasingly. I rolled my eyes and he stretched his arm to grab the glasses of coke, handing me one.

I took a sip immediately, but Xiao put his glasses on top of his head like a tiara before drinking, leaving me with a confused expression. Realizing that I glanced at him, he explained.

“It sprinkles on the lenses if I drink anything sparkling with glasses on.”

“Oh, I see.” I nodded. “I never saw you using glasses at the company.”

“I don’t. I wear contact lenses most of the time.”

“Really? But you look good in glasses.”

Dejun’s surprised face and laugh made me realize what I just said, feeling my face become red and looking down. Cursing mentally, deciding it was best to keep the silence that reigned previously starting from now.

“Well, thank you, Y/N.” He said, still giggling a little. “You’re not bad yourself.”

After one more slice of pizza, I was full. Dejun was still eating the second slice, a lot slower than me.

“I guess it’s time to go now.” I spoke, getting up from the bed and going to pick up my stuff.

Xiao grabbed my arm and I looked at him in a jolt, my eyes meeting his brown ones.

“Already?”

My eyes shifted from his face to his hand on my arm before I could think of an answer, and he let go of the grip visibly more shy.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that…” He began, scratching the back of his neck. “… you seemed so tired, you drove a lot and will have to drive again tomorrow. The car isn’t a proper place to rest.”

I stood static for a few seconds.

“Are you sure? We’d have to share the bed.” I said, timidly.

“Yeah, we’re both adults. Besides, you already said you find me attractive, so I suppose it’s not a problem to you.”

I rolled my eyes and went back to picking up my things, pissed at his comment.

“You’re so full of yourself.” I mumbled.

“For fucks sake, do you know what a joke is, Y/N?” He said exasperatedly.

“Apparently I’m the joke to you.”

Xiao grunted and though I wasn’t looking at him, I could imagine him rolling his eyes just as I did before. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, resting elbows on his knees.

“You’re such a drama queen sometimes! You can’t even stand to read a few words without falling asleep, how well rested do you think you will be tomorrow after sleeping in a car in this fucking freezing weather?”

“So what the hell do you want me to do?” I practically yelled, closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and sitting on the chair before looking at him again.  

He didn’t answer but kept staring at me, and I calmed down after a while of silence. The tension was palpable in the air.

Momentarily, I let my eyes drop to Dejun’s mouth.

Realizing my stare, Dejun licked his lips and I opened mine involuntarily before searching for his eyes. Dejun brought his face closer to mine and spoke in a low, soft tone.

“I want you to kiss me.”

He slowly shifted his gaze to my lips and brushed softly the back of his left hand against my right cheek. I breathed heavily, inhaling his citric perfume, before leaning closer to him, blank minded and only feeling a sudden need to lick his inviting lips.

I rested my left hand on his thigh to support myself, closing my eyes as I felt our lips touch.

Dejun’s mouth was half open and I could sense the warmth and humidity of his tongue, making me crave for contact. I sighed and slipped the tip of my tongue to touch his lips, feeling myself salivate at the sensation. Dejun lodged one his hands close to my nape and the other on my waist, and I felt my heart rate increase due to the way he held me tighter.

I gasped as Xiao’s tongue touched mine and deepened the kiss. It was wet and slow, allowing us to savor each other’s mouth. My hands reached for his hair, pulling it lightly so he would realize that I was enjoying it. After a few moments, I broke the kiss and moved back a little, opening my eyes and gazing at his face.

His cheeks had a light blush and lips were flushed as well, lust showing in his eyes wide open. The most beautiful I’ve ever seen Dejun be.

“Is this what you wanted?” I whispered.

“That’s not even close to what I wanted, Y/N.” Xiao responded, elevating his tone. I frowned, looking down and distancing myself more at his words, unable to avoid feeling insufficient, as I couldn’t satisfy his wish. Both his hands cupped my face, forcing me to look at him again. “I want to kiss you so much that your body will get tender. I want to kiss every inch of your skin until you melt under my lips, I want to hear you whine because of my touches. I want you to wrap your hands around my neck and tell me how you never felt so good.”

Dejun’s gaze fell on my lips again, as if asking for permission accomplish his cravings, so I closed my eyes in a silent consent.

The next thing I felt was his lips crashing on mine again, in a rougher and more intense kiss then before. His hands grabbed my thighs, motioning me to go onto his lap. I got up and kneeled on the bed, one leg on each side of him, lowering my body to position on top of his hip. By this time, Xiao’s hands traveled up to my waist to guide me.

However, he didn’t mean for me to be on top of him, since he turned us both around, making me lay on the bed and positioning his body in the middle of my legs. His mouth descended to my jaw and neck, leaving a hot trail of open mouthed kisses and licks. Hands traveled from my waist to my thighs, squeezing the flesh. I could feel my panties becoming damp, curling my toes in desire.

“And you know what else I want, Y/N?” He asked, pressing his bulge against my pelvis, making groan at the feeling. I shook my head in denial as he kept grinding on my body. “I want to eat you out every fucking day at the office. I want your sighs to be because of me and not anything else. You look so pretty all focused on work, makes me insane thinking on how many ways I could tease you to distraction.”

“Fuck, Dejun.” I moaned, pressing his head closer to my neck and forcing my torso along his slightly toned body, one of my hands entering under the collar of his t-shirt. Dejun lightly bit my neck before getting away, removing his jacket. I removed my hand from his skin and ran it through his upper body, feeling his muscles become stiff under my touch.

He leaned and pressed a kiss on my stomach, then started to lift up my blouse. I rose my body in order to help, head standing close to Xiao’s. As he finished taking my top off, Xiao went in for another kiss, hands moving to my chest and squeezing my breasts beneath the bra.

I tugged at his t-shirt, attempting to take it off. Dejun undressed the piece of cloth and turned around, dropping it behind his body.

It was beautiful to see. Dejun’s now obvious erection pointed through his sweatpants. His light torso muscles contracted by turning around. When he faced me again, I couldn’t help but pull him closer, embracing his waist with my legs and his neck with my arms, craving for the sensation of his skin upon mine. Xiao started rolling his hips against my pelvis, so I kissed his neck to block the noises from coming out of my mouth. I could feel the outline of his member teasing me over the clothes.

His hands ran by the sides of my body and teased the waistband of my pants. He squeezed my thighs and butt, exposing his desire to take the piece off by the way he massaged the flesh from top to bottom.

I removed my legs from around him and positioned each foot on the bed, keeping knees flexed.

“Take these off.” I whispered.

Xiao raised his body a little, allowing me to lift my hips and help him undress me. He slid the piece along my legs, moving back. Only in bra and panties I completely laid down again. Dejun moved his head back until right above my right knee, sticking out his tongue and licking the inner part of my leg until reaching my underwear. The sensation of his hot and humid tongue close to my center made me involuntarily contract my abdomen in anticipation.

“Can I take these off to?” He asked, looking at me again while rushing his index finger on the edge of the cloth.

“Hm-hmm.” I nodded, preparing to lift my hips again.

He grabbed each side of the panties and slid it off at once, coming back licking the inner part of my left leg as he did to the right. One of his hands reached from under my thigh and pressed right under my bellybutton to keep me still, in a way that my leg rested on his shoulder.

I closed my eyes as I felt his breath hit my pussy, in expectation of contact. But it didn’t come.

I looked at Xiao’s amused expression between my legs. He held a devilish smile looking back at me.

“Can I?” He asked, pressing a kiss to my left inner thigh, so close to my core I could barely notice the difference.

“Please, Dejun-”

His tongue finally met my clit in soft circular and licking motions, and I felt a wave of warmth through my body, letting out a subtle moan. His free hand moved to my entrance, teasing.

“I wish I could have you like this every day.” He mumbled, distancing his head a bit to massage my clit with his fingers. His chin and lips glowed from my wetness. He licked his lips and moved his fingers down to my entrance again and penetrating me with his middle finger. We both bit our lips at the same time, and I closed my eyes as he started trusting his finger in and out. After a few trusts I felt an emptiness and attempted opening my eyes again, but stopping from being overwhelmed with the pleasure of Dejun sliding two fingers in and returning his mouth to my clit

His fingers curled against my walls and his mouth was now much more feral the before. He licked and sucked firmly at the spot, giving me continuous delight. My legs started to contract from the sensation, toes curled as I opened my eyes to watch Dejun eating me out.

Xiao’s eyes were both open and staring directly at my face, making me twitch and unleash a slow and heavy moan. I supported myself on one elbow and the other hand moved to grab Dejun’s hair. I could feel my eyebrows furrow against my will every time he pressed his mouth a little harder against me.

By the grab on his hair I pushed myself upon his face and rolled my hips. Dejun was clearly surprised, raising eyebrows and letting out a hum on my skin, enhancing the pleasure with the vibration from his voice. As he tried to repeat the act, I pushed him away by the forehead. His expression changed to confusion.

“I don’t want to come yet.” I explained, still gasping.

Dejun nodded and bent to kiss my lips, tasting saltier than before. I grabbed his jaw, willing to feel with my hand the arousal that covered his face, making it slippery. He supported his body with his arms by the sides of my head, pressing his erection against my dripping pussy.

“Dejun?” I whispered, breaking the kiss.

“Hmm?”

“Can I ride your cock?”

Dejun gasped at my question, immediately rolling to the side and pulling me on top of him. His back rested against the headboard and his arms circled my body, giving licks and kisses on my neck and around my collarbones. I felt his hands unclasp the bra before his kisses moved to my naked breasts. At first he just softly licked around the left nipple, circling it with his tongue, then tried his best to fit all he could from the boob inside his mouth, still moving his tongue against the skin.

At the same time, my nails scratched his back and nape, and I rolled my hips on top of his rock hard bulge.

Dejun’s hands fell to my butt, squeezing each side and pressing my body down in an attempt to guide my movements. With my right hand, as he distanced a little in order to regain his breath, I tugged at his waistband. All I could think of was Dejun’s cock filling me up, but the clothes in the way and his grip weren’t helping.

Xiao understood what I wanted and released my hips, so I lifted myself and he pulled both pants and underwear until the middle of his thighs. His gray pants had a large wet stain, and as he took it off his dick jumped up, hitting his abdomen. I licked my lips at the thought of how helpless he looked.

“Do you have a condom?” I asked. He nodded and pointed at the wallet on top of the table. I stood up to reach for it and threw it to Xiao, who urgently caught the small package inside.

Back on top of him, I took the condom off his hands. However, before sliding it along his shaft, I grabbed it by the base and pumped a couple of times, anxious to touch Xiao as closely as he touched me. He closed his eyes and groaned, before staring at me again almost angrily.

I slid the condom down his cock and positioned it on my entrance, trying to smear it with my arousal. As I sank down, we both cursed under our breaths. I closed my eyes for a while as I adjusted to his size. When I opened them again, Dejun’s gaze laid on my face, his hands just resting on my thighs.

I leaned to lick his lips and hold his shoulders, but Xiao only received my tongue inside his mouth and mindlessly sucked at it. I moaned loudly and began moving on his cock, feeling his grip tighten on my legs.

Dejun also started trusting into me in small movements, making me groan once again and break the kiss. He held my gaze at his eyes, so dark and full of desire, the effort causing him to contract his forehead. His lips were pink and plump, I couldn’t avoid the thought of him sucking my fingers.

As this image filled my head, I felt myself clench around his member. Xiao moaned loud and beautifully, leaning in an attempt to kiss me again. Never mind how bad I wanted to feel those lips on mine, I interrupted him with hand on his chest.

“I’m not gonna kiss you anymore. I want to hear those beautiful moans.” I explained, leaning to kiss his neck right under his left ear before even seeing his reaction, causing another moan, now lower, to come out his mouth.

After a few more moments, my legs started to feel tired, the I leaned back to have a bit of release on my thigh muscles. At my movement, Dejun, who had more space to move, began trusting deeper and I could perfectly sense his dick coming in and out of me, coated with my juices.

My abdomen started contracting and I knew my climax had its way.

“Fuck, Dejun, I’m close.” I warned, gasping.

He moved one hand to my clit, massaging it with his thumb in circular movements. Added to his hip moves, it was enough to trigger my orgasm. I clenched and felt my whole body contract and tremble on top of him, then feeling Xiao reach his on high as his cock pulsated inside of me.

I let out a breathy laugh while looking at Xiao’s fucked out face, messy hair and all sweaty. Anyway, I lifted my body to slip out of him and pressed a kiss on his lips, cupping his face in my hands.

“Maybe sleeping here isn’t such a bad idea after all.” I chuckled. Dejun opened a bright smile, putting his arms on my waist.

“You should’ve know I was right.” He joked, making me playfully roll my eyes.

“But we’re gonna need another shower anyway.” I said, laying by his side in contradiction to my words.

We kept staring at each other as our bodies cooled down and Dejun became soft, so he stopped patting my hair and went for a shower. As he was entering the bathroom, I called him.

“Dejun?”

“Yes?” He turned his face to me.

“With this tongue of yours, I’ll let you eat me out at the office whenever you want.” I smiled. Dejun laughed and shook his head before closing the door.