#i genuinely hate how this country teaches us to love

[internetprincess420]

what the gom+kagami like to do with you in their free time

cw:boobs mention (aomine), gn!reader, not proofread

tetsuya kuroko

- you guys take #2 to the dog park and get food to eat on the park bench

- during the holidays, you and tetsuya will volunteer at animal shelters and elderly homes

- you bring #2 to the elderly homes to let the seniors play with him

- you also bring snacks and cards for them

- tetsuya is someone i see as very nurturing and giving and i think he’s the type of person to want to give to others in his free time

- he LOVES going to cat cafes

- however, he also sees your time alone as important too

- you guys will have all day movie marathons at home

- you and tetsuya like to go to the library together and help tutor the young kids

ryota kise

- i think ryotas favorite thing to do in his off time is to go to the arcade with you

- it’s canon that he uses his perfect copy in games like ddr, so i think he likes to challenge you in ddr battles and karaoke sing-offs

- he also loves the arcades that serve food and will always order fried pickles or cheese fries with something ridiculous to drink like a seasonal mountain dew or root beer (root beer hater for LIFE)

- his default karaoke song is definitely it’s a wrap by mariah carey

- i like the think he frequents the arcade so much that the employees know him by name

- i also think he likes to take you to the mall and just walk around

- he also LOVES to gossip when you guys are walking around and see people from school

- “y/n you won’t believe what i heard about that guy..”

- and he definitely says it way too loud too

daiki aomine

- the way to his heart is through his stomach (and your chest)

- i fully believe and support the theory that his perfect day off is going to eat some junk and having his head in between your breasts

- daiki is quite chill and easy going, so i think he prefers to spend his off time at home on the couch rather than doing anything that requires any thinking on his part

- if you order some burgers and put on a cheesy anime he will probably never want to leave

- however, if you want to go out and do something he is more than willing to go to make you happy

- i don’t think he’d protest, but i do think he’d say something like “are you sure you want to go out? the couch is so comfy and we can cuddle~~~~”

- if he does have to go out, he likes to go to the movie theatre with you

- tries to squeeze your tits in the dark cinema 😭

- i believe daiki hates spending money but loves to spend money if it’s on you

seijuro akashi

- it’s canon that seijuro does horse riding and likes to do it on his days off so i think that he would love to teach you to ride horses and ride together

- we all know seijuro is extra af so i also think he’d get you the best riding gear and equipment, as well as the best lessons money can buy

- once you finally know how to properly ride horses, he would love to just ride out in the country together

- he loves a good opportunity to spend quality time with you and talk to you at the same time

- he would bring food for a picnic out in the country side

- he loves to hear you talk, so tell him about anything and everything and he will be entertained

- seijuro also loves to go on light walks/jogs with you

- i genuinely think his love language is quality time don’t ask me why it just is

shintaro midorima

- shintaros favorite thing to do with you is to go to the shops and browse

- this might also be a stretch, but i think shintaro likes to travel with you

- like not far but just small day trips that are a couple of hours away

- he loves to go to the spas and sit in saunas with you

- shintaro is a guy that puts self care first for both of you

- after the spa day, you guys go to whatever little local gift shops you can find and just look around all day

- i also think shintaro likes you buy you things, but more specifically he likes to buy you something special from every place you’ve been together

- when you guys get home he’s a straight to bed and cuddle kind of guy

atsushi murasakibara

- he prefers to be in the comfort of his or your home on his days off

- i think that because he’s so big and his body uses so much energy all the time he would want to do something where he can rest his body

- thus his favorite thing to do with you in his off time is sleep

- that’s it

- just sleep

- i think he prefers to go to your house and sleep only because his family is so big

- and he likes the way your sheets smell

- i think if you know he’s going to come over then you go the extra mile

- i’m talking matching pjs, lavender scented everything, sleep masks, candles, etc

- and ofc his favorite snacks

- if he HAS to do something, he will bake or cook with you

taiga kagami

- his favorite activity to do with you in his free time is to go to whatever beach is near and have a beach day

- first he likes to see you in a bikini (or whatever you prefer to wear)

- (yes i canon taiga as a secret horndog what about it..)

- he also wants to get burgers after

- he loves to build sand castles with you but he always messes them up on accident

- don’t talk for him for at least 10 minutes after he destroys it. he’s so sad.

- he makes you take pics of him surfing to post

- “no please y/n it’s gonna look so cool please”

- taiga is one of those people that intentionally scares kids at the beach by like randomly chasing them and barking

[winterrain-11]

some more gravity falls hcs :3

(a lot of these are sad)

cw for drug use, mentions of abuse, major character death, and other such depressing things

- mabel starts swearing like a sailor after the summer (ik that stan made an effort not to swear around the kids, but i don’t think ford did, and it made stan’s filter slip more) and gets in trouble for it at home. when stan finds out he tries to hard to pretend to be mad but he’s lowkey proud

- the twins have to fight tooth and nail to teach their grunkles to use a cellphone, especially facetime. they eventually get the hang of it, but the first few months at sea were two hour facetimes of the grunkle’s chins just bickering at each other and assorted “how’s it hanging pumpkin? how’s school?”

- stan and ford watched westerns nonstop as kids (though ford was more into star trek and doctor who) and they played cowboys often. stan was OBSESSED with cowboys and briefly tried to work as a ranch hand while he was homeless in his 20s

- dipper and mabel have a love/hate relationship with cw’s supernatural. mabel thinks the boys are hot and is definitely a destiel shipper. dipper loves the genuine supernatural-ness of the early seasons and now still watches it kind of as a joke but also because mabel got him on the destiel train. the last two episodes ruined their lives.

- the twins have opposite reactions to weed. it makes ford’s paranoia really bad and makes him nauseous, but it makes stan’s adhd brain quiet for once and allows him to relax for once. when dipper and mabel get older, they have very similar reactions. when stan catches mabel smoking, he tries to be responsible about it and tell her that smoking is bad for her and to not end up like him, but eventually they just smoke together on occasion.

- mabel is significantly better at guessing plot twists than dipper (in books, movies etc) and dipper DESPISES this fact (i think it’s the same for the stan twins too tbh)

- stan dies first, ford dies almost exactly a year later.

- stan picks up guitar while he’s homeless, uses it to make a bit of money on street sides. he teaches mabel in her teen years when his hands get to old to play.

- when ford and fiddleford rekindle, stan and fiddleford bond over regaining memory. they both relearn their instruments together (guitar and banjo respectively) and enjoy singing along to old outlaw country and appalachian folk rock (stan picked it up in his travels).

- (cont.) ford suggests music because it’s known to help dementia and alzheimer’s patients with regaining memories, and while that’s true, he really more just enjoys seeing his two favorite people happy again.

- both ford and stan think the other voted for trump (2016), neither of them did. stan thought hilary was hot (and thought trump was a loser) and ford voted third party (sorry he gives me centrist vibes). i imagine they both vote dem in 2020 and 2024 because they see trump as a much worse conman/asshole and a narcissistic sociopath respectively.

- (cont.) the twins have heard the stan’s complain about the other’s political ideologies and know that they vote the same but refuse to tell the other. wendy is also in on this and they all have to tackle soos on several occasions to keep him quiet before election day.

- nate and lee definitely explored each other’s bodies and when they finally came out to the friend group everyone was super confused because they assumed that they had been dating for years

- ford has a very addictive personality. while stanley does too, he can restrain himself (doesn’t smoke or drink around the kids, doesn’t lose himself in gambling), ford picks up smoking on the stan-o-war II and doesn’t stop until he dies. Stan has refused to go to Vegas with him even though ford begs, but stan knows an addict when he sees one. ford never acknowledges his problem.

- stan doesn’t tell ford about his homelessness and abuse at the hands of his father/pimps/drug lords until they’re several months deep on the stan-o-war II and certain things start to trigger his PTSD. Ford listens and opens up about his abuse under Bill and his life of crime in the multiverse. they definitely cry together for a long time.

- (cont.) Stan only tells the kids when they’re in college. mabel self destructs a bit during this period trying desperately to find herself and stan is terrified that she’ll go down his path of dangerous desperation for self-worth and wants her to know that he knows how she feels, they grow even closer because of this.

- stan did drag for a short period of time around the southwest in his homelessness. at first he was forced to do it to be degraded, but once he got his autonomy back, he began to do it on his own accord and really enjoyed it/was really good at it. he tried to convince himself that ‘he wasn’t queer or anything’ and was just doing it for the money, but he never really fully believed that. (where he learned to wear a girdle)

- once again. stan wanted to be a cowboy so bad okay i know this in my heart of hearts. this man LOVES clint eastwood and johnny cash and RAHHHH i know it.

[rafesbambiangel]

golf lessons — rafe cameron

pairing ; sweet!rafe x bambi!reader

summary ; rafe teaching bambi how to play golf

warnings / notes ; mention of sex, other than that just fluff 🫧

it was a pretty day outside so you and rafe decided to go down to the golf course, you had always thought golf was boring but rafe really liked it so you thought “why not give it a try.”

rafe had kindly agreed to teach you how to play, he was now standing behind you, his hands resting on your hips to slightly guide your movements as you held the golf club.

“okay do i just swing now?” you asked, looking back at him. “yeah” he replied he was very gentle despite his usual short fuse, which you found was sweet… in an unusual way. he always had his ways of showing love, he was just very protective. “not too hard” he reminded you.

he didn’t care if you were good, or if you were horrible at golf. he still found it adorable seeing you trying to concentrate on the game, and he loved how cute you were when you got frustrated. he gently guided your arms some more, a small smile forming on his face.

you sighed, “what if i’m just not good at golf?” you were used to being a natural in basically… everything so the fact that you still hadn’t gotten the hang of it was kind of pissing you off.

rafe let out a laugh “nah baby don’t give up that easy, i was worse when i first started, just need practice” he said, his hands still resting on your hips, rubbing circles on the material of your skirt.

as the afternoon progressed, you were actually getting a hang of the game. you were still bad, but not as bad as before. He stood back, grinning at you as he watched you struggle. he was impressed with your attempts to do well, he knew you hated the golf, but you were willing to try for him, which he found cute.

eventually you got bored, because golf can only be entertaining for so long. “i’m gonna go get a drink, you want anything?” i asked watching him swing another round

he shook his head, “nah I’m okay, thanks.”

rafe leaned against the golf cart, waiting for you to walk back out with whatever drink you were gonna get. he pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through social media, his eyes flickering up from the phone, to the entrance of the country club every so often.

you got yourself a sparkling water, then walked back to where he was standing, you couldn’t help but admire how he looked, he was wearing a blue polo shirt, which you had picked out of course. and a pair of beige shorts, “fuck he looks so good” you thought to yourself.

he put his phone away, putting it in his pocket as he saw you return with your drink. he smiled, standing up from the golf cart and walking over to you. you reached up to him, pulling him in for a quick kiss, “this was actually really fun.” you said.

he smiled, putting an arm around you as you kissed him. he was genuinely enjoying himself today, he rarely let himself have fun, as ward would always scold him about him taking over cameron development in the future and “needing to be prepared”

“yeah?” he chuckled, he was glad you were enjoying the day so far as well, he wanted you to feel good in his presence. you nodded and smiled, wrapping an arm around his. he genuinely looked happy and that made you happy too. “yeah, think i’m starting to like golf.”

“really?” he questioned, he didn’t expect you to actually grow an interest for it. he was glad it was growing on you though, he appreciated you putting in the effort to be a part of his life.

you nodded. “it’s not as bad as i thought it would be.”

“glad you’ve finally found some enjoyment in it.” he said, grabbing your hand, holding in loosely in his. he was really sweet, but he didn’t let many see that side of him. he was sweet around you though, very soft and caring. he brought your hand to his lips, softly brushing his lips against your knuckles. he was so in love with you, something so rare to see. you were his girl, his baby, his everything. “i love you rafey” you said, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. “I love you too.” he replied, resting his hand on your waist.

“you wanna go home?” he asked, his lips brushing against your hair. “mhm” you mumbled, tired from being in the sun all day. “gonna take care of you when we get home kay?” he said, putting the golf clubs back in the cart. you smiled, you knew what that meant, you were getting fucked.

[bigtreefest]

Chapter 2: Cooks in the Kitchen

From: The Rainmaker Series

Pairing: Mob! Steve x Forensic Scientist! Reader

Summary: Everyone hates a backseat driver. And a surprise guest when you’re not at your best.

Word count: 3,234

Content/warnings: TW: dead body and all you would expect in forensic science, I tried to make this not graphic, mentions of bruising, mentions of torture and abuse, sassy and borderline mean reader, awkward Steve who overthinks, reluctant? flirting, allusions to and mentions of murder

Author’s Note: For my dearly beloved @krirebr please know that you’re loved and appreciated by us all. I hope this helps, just a little bit. (Extra angsty, hopefully to your tastes)😘

What I’m gonna say is Decks seems very on edge compared to how she was before. Her guard came up out of ‘nowhere?’ Hm, that’s weird… or is it?

Anyway, these are Loupe glasses, if you’re wondering. They let you see tiny things up close and at a better angle.

Comments, reblogs, asks, and any feedback is so welcome and appreciated. Thank you for reading!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

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After your weekend at the farm, Steve drove you home to return to your normal life. As much as you loved being out in the country, city life was definitely more your speed. You immediately went back to work and were happy to keep your busy routine going. Sure, a weekend away from screens and solvents was a breath of fresh air, but this was where you thrived.

Despite the way there were new, more outlandish cases to deal with, the days were surprisingly routine. Come in, visit a crime scene, run some tests, go home, do it again. You lived for that sort of zen. The detachment of simply putting your head down and getting to work was what you were used to, and then once you were home, it was like a sanctuary. You could lounge, pick up another hobby out of the thousand you’d already started, and crawl into your fresh sheets.

It’s not like you were entirely a hermit, though. You got along with your coworkers and would commonly joke around with them, but first and foremost, you were a proper worker, doing your job. When something really needed done, you’d lock down in the lab, music blasting, and crank out results.

Steve was the same way. He tried to keep his days as routine as possible, despite the way work brought something new everyday. Rival gangs needed monitored and law people needed bribed. Shipments and production needed to be kept on a tight schedule and up to pace with increasing demand.

There wasn’t much time for it, but he’d found certain images and memories start to take hold in his mind. They were different from the grade school ones of Bucky, or his times learning the ropes of his trade, or the first suit he’d ever worn. They were new, they were…warm? Lacked that same rigidity? They were of you. Driving his car effortlessly, petting a baby goat as it bleated happily, teaching him to dance…small, little moments that he couldn’t let go of, but he didn’t have time to replay enough.

He did his best to stay proper in his business dealings. Steve was known for his gentlemanly demeanor, truly a golden boy of the underground, or…at least as much of one as an individual could be given the legality loopholes he was constantly trying to jump through.

On the outside, he was smooth as a beach. Fluid with the crashes of waves this industry threw at him. He’d gotten good at rolling with the punches without a single blond hair out of place. But inside? It was a hurricane. The wind raged and echoed in his ears, putting him on edge. It was sensory overload.

Everyday, he found his attention wanting to wander more and more to that simpler time, not romanticizing it for the lack of pressing responsibility, but for the fact he spent genuine moments with someone who was unlike those in his world. Unlike the men so obsessed with maintaining their place on top or squashing others to get there. They were all about the money, but you were working for the people, and for the betterment of the city. To solve cases and give peace to families. And Steve knew he was all too often on the other side of that, even if he prided himself on only taking out the worst of the worst. The ones who deserved it. They were the ones endangering women and children, who to him, were the distastefully vulnerable and undeserving of wrath, despite the fates they were met with from the awful men Steve rid the world of. He wasn’t breaking his set of morals and rules, he was just breaking the law sometimes. Steve was a good man, he just happened to make his living doing bad things.

He didn’t have time to reflect on that right now, though. Things had seriously picked up in recent weeks. Bucky was soon to return, but it didn’t help that Steve felt like Lloyd was unrelentingly on their asses. Leading the organization when it came to the normal stuff was fine, but the extra protections Bucky was making him run, along with the extensive research and monitoring was already taking its toll. Steve was used to a lack of sleep, he basically lived on adrenaline and black coffee, but another night where he was fielding calls and sending out directives without a wink was causing his emotional guard to fall.

It was early morning as Steve sat at his desk. He’d ordered Sam to head out hours ago, but as the sun was cresting over the horizon, not even that searing glow could keep Steve’s tired mind at bay. The levees against the flood were weakened beyond belief. The hurricane was about to make landfall.

Just then, the phone rang. It was one of his contacts down at the police station. That wasn’t new, but the specific news was and Steve wanted to be there in person to get every bit of information he could... and perhaps catch a glimpse at the one person who could scratch that new itch in his brain. Maybe, finally, at least he could catch a nap in the car, as Steve called Gio to drive him over.

Over the couple weeks you’ve been back, you couldn’t help the way your mind wandered constantly, either. Even your favorite playlist couldn’t keep you on track, so you opted for silence, the scenes replaying of your time on the farm doing plenty to help you block out your surroundings.

You were working on a particularly difficult case currently. There was no time for distractions. The overcast sky just added to the ambiance of the feeling that something unusual was looming over you. You pulled yourself out of your thoughts, along with the keys from the ignition, and took a deep breath, letting it out sharply to get yourself ready. When you’d gotten out of the SUV and to the crime scene, Detective Lang greeted you.

“So I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

He guided you along the River walk and down the rocky shore where a victim laid, waves still lapping over her feet as photographers and cops gathered around the scene, surveying it for evidence. A small crowd had gathered along the pathway, held back by barricades and uniformed officers. At least you were here before the news crews.

“Bad news first, always. You know that.” You spoke with a purpose, slipping on your gloves after pushing up the sleeves of your department-issued windbreaker and cuffing your pants so they wouldn’t get wet.

“So far, looks like it was blunt force trauma with a side of torture. Very little evidence to go off of, especially considering there are no open wounds and the tools used for this kinda thing could be in any household.”

You crouched down by the body and immediately took note of the bruising. You hummed in acknowledgement and looked back up at the detective, his head framed by the cloudy, gray sky, the rising sun now hidden. Fitting for a tragedy like this. A woman your age subjected to that sort of an ending…

“And the good news?”

He sighed, looking up at the sky, hands on his hips, before he dropped his head back down towards you.

He winced. “Body’s fresh? Disposal doesn’t appear very well thought-out.”

You nodded and looked around for any piece of evidence that hadn’t washed away. He was right, it was gonna be difficult to pull many testable elements.

“Well, I’ll do the usual work-up, then, and let you know when you’re good to get everything over to the medical examiner.”

He curtly nodded and turned on his heel to speak with the witnesses before you began to pull out your kit, swabbing for anything of note.

After you finished collecting everything you could, you carefully slipped back through the background and away from the slew of reporters now blanketing the scene. Ugh, you hated those block heads. Especially Lucas Bell, the weird little ray of sunshine you went to school with growing up. For some reason, he thought the two of you were actually friends, despite never having even given him the signal you appreciated his presence. The worst part: you could tell he wasn’t hitting on you. He would genuinely seek you out at crime scenes, that gross happy smile on his face, calling you by the birth name almost no one used anymore in favor of your college nickname. Every time, it was, “hey, remember me, old pal? Great to see you! Any information you’re willing to share?” Who the hell was so chipper when their job was literally to report tragedies?

You bobbled your head as you mocked him to yourself and got back into your work SUV. Ugh, you hated that guy. And all the other reporters. You didn’t wanna be on camera. What if you wanted to work for the FBI one day? Huh? What then? Can’t have your face out there all willy nilly and then expect to be doing covert ops. Nope. You prepared to race back to the precinct, ready to drown yourself in an afternoon of attempting to suck evidence out of a cotton swab caked in river grime and essentially, air, if you could count that as evidence.

You drove back through the pouring rain. Another thing to be annoyed by. First, the longing for your simple weekend once again, then the intrusive thoughts about annoying little reporters, and now, the near-flooding on the roads. You could hear her in your head now, Bee saying “rain makes corn. It’s a good thing.” You rolled your eyes, to be honest, you liked the rainy atmosphere, but you know what rain also makes? Bad drivers. At this point, it was just best to get back to the lab, buckle down, and stay there, where no one could possibly bother you.

You were hours in to your intensive testing. Your spectrometry readings gave the smallest peaks, hard to say if the readings actually were something or just background noise. You were happy to put in the time, but something just felt…off. It was infuriating and not helping your mood, but you tried your best to keep it separated from work. It wasn’t perfect, but it was your best. Another small thing going wrong could push you over the edge, though.

You opted to just look at a small fabric sample, deciphering if there truly was some thread of note caught in the weave. You just needed to concentrate and you knew you could find something. You were purely focused and zoomed in, using your Loupe glasses, paired with several lamps overhead, with the highest hopes of even a shred of confirma-

“Decks? More like Specks.”

The sudden voice that echoed through the lab startled you, causing your head to shoot up and bump against one of the metal lamps.

“Ow!” At that same time, the forceps and piece of fabric flew out of your hands and onto the floor. It didn’t help that you knocked into your instrument tray on the way, sending all those onto the floor, as well.

Great, now you had to go to the stock room to find a new package of sterile ones. This was the last set left in the lab. You looked up from where you watched the evidence fall, rubbing your forehead with the back of your gloved hand, eyes narrow at the business man in a suit who was previously leaned against your doorway, now tentatively walking towards you to crouch on the ground.

“Steve, what the hell?” You trailed off for a second. “You and Bee really do have the same sense of humor. I thought she just told me that as a selling point.” It came out as an irritated growl. You rolled your eyes as you squatted down to start cleaning your mess.

Steve laughed. Selling point? Bee talked to you about him? And tried to make him appealing? He wasn’t sure why, but he felt a certain warmth in his stomach at that. He pushed it down as much as he could. Either way, he truly did get along well with her.

“Well you know what they say, birds of a feather and all.” He joined you near the floor after having grabbed a glove, picking up some stray instruments and placing them back in the metal holding tray.

You muttered lowly as you finally stood up and turned away from him, after grabbing the fabric off the floor gingerly and placing it in a plastic protective case. “More like wasps of a stinger.”

Steve disposed of his gloves and looked over the results on your computer. You quickly hit the keys to lock the screen, sure to cast him a nasty glare. The last thing you needed was to get accused of leaking evidence.

What was he doing here, anyway? With those broad shoulders and that skinny waist. What did he even need shoulders that big for? How did he even shop for clothes? You swear his waist was literally the same circumference as your thigh. They don’t carry stuff like that in department stores.

Steve looked at you with a confused glance as you removed your gloves and washed your hands. There was a hint of humor in his voice, but it was mostly filled with caution at your attitude.

“Um, I don’t really shop for clothes? I’ve got a tailor. He’s pretty good.”

After your hands were dry, you facepalmed harder than ever before. You couldn’t believe you said that out loud. Maybe you did need to interact with more people outside of work. You were too comfortable talking to yourself. You took a deep breath before turning around and looking at Steve again. His face now mostly held tentative kindness, and that was a nice change to the anger that was sitting in your belly all day today. You still couldn’t help what you spat back, though.

“You have a tailor? In this economy? Of course you do…rich prick.” The last part was grumbled under your breath, but Steve still caught it. Where was this hostility coming from? He thought the two of you had gotten along great before. What changed?

Steve’s hurt caused him to fire back, albeit much nicer than you had. “You’re calling me rich? Decks, I’ve seen your apartment, it’s nice. Especially for this city. Way nicer than my first place.”

First off, what was that supposed to mean? You were still suspicious about exactly what Steve and Bucky did for a living. You knew they made a lot of money. Steve wore designer suits, if he could help it, and you assumed Bucky did, as well, but what business did they have being this built?

You let go of that, though, wanting to just get back to work after the disturbance, but why had you been disturbed in the first place?

“Steven, what are you doing in my lab?”

He was taken aback. Woah, full names. He knew your full name, but didn’t dare to find out what would become of him if he used it. It didn’t seem like many did. He wanted to go about this the right way. He didn’t want abuse his delicate position as a friend of a friend when you were so close to the law…yet.

He stood upright and pressed his shoulders back. Right, he was here on business. He had to remember that. It wasn’t a personal call and he had to stay professional.

“I was actually meeting with Scott, er, Detective Lang. He called me about the new case that came in this morning.”

You nodded slowly. “You knew her?”

Why did that make you nervous? Of course Steve knew women, like, duh, but something burning rose in your chest in anticipation of his response. Why did you care? You didn’t even want him here. Right?

He shook his head lightly. “No…well, sort of? She was an employee of one of my businesses. A salon.”

One of his businesses, of course. A salon was…interesting… but you guessed not out of the question with how perfect his stupid perfect hair always was. Whatever, just because he was here for some questioning, doesn’t mean he had to pay you a visit.

“Okay…so why did you come in here?”

You looked up at him from the odds and ends you were shuffling around your work bench out of nervousness.

“I actually wanted to see you, maybe help out a little?”

You eyed him skeptically, ignoring the way your chest sent a tingle down towards your fingertips. “You know when someone offers to keep close to a case like that, it usually means they had something to do with it, right?”

Steve put his hands up in surrender. “I swear this wasn’t me. I just genuinely care for my employees. Did you check under the fingernails? Maybe there was some DNA there or something?”

Your gaze became even more burning towards him. “Yes, Steven. I checked under the nails. That’s like, the first thing you do in cases like this. But why would you know that, anyway? And how can you say you care so much about your employees if you didn’t even know the girl?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. He was usually much smoother than this. How did you intimidate him so much so suddenly. Oh no…Is that where the name ‘Decks’ came from? Were you gonna hit him? Deck him? Did you have a pension for beating guys up? If he made a wrong move, would you literally punch him? Give him a black eye? Sure, much worse had happened to him before, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to emotionally recover if the damage came from you.

Either way, Steve didn’t want to find out, so he continued quite cautiously and uncomfortable within your domain, lacking the confidence that came so easily to him in all his usual business dealings and the quasi-leadership role he found himself in.

“I um…I watch a lot of CSI shows?” He hoped that was believable, but he knew it came out like a squeak, almost. He may as well be a little kid losing fights in a back alley again. He cleared his throat in an attempt to get his voice back to normal. “I do care for my employees, though. And my reputation, and the ability to make sure nothing like this happens again to anyone involved with me.”

You sighed at that. You can understand the want to prevent future disasters, especially when it came to someone working so low at the bottom of the food chain for such a major company. As you slipped your Loupe glasses back on and readjusted your lamps, you gestured for Steve to take a seat in your computer chair while you moved to a stool by the lab bench.

“Okay, fine. I’ll let you hang around, but don’t tell me how to do my job.”

You couldn’t help the way the corner of your lip turned up, just out of Steve’s sight, as he strutted over and plopped down into the rolly chair, watching you with a smile and his fingers laced behind his head.

Next >

Bonus A/N: I’m very excited for what’s going to grow between Steve and Decks. She’s a lil independent thing and he’s just so “idk what to do bc I’m supposed to be in control but I’m doing everything on her terms” and I love it. Lmk what you think!!!

Series Taglist:

@evie-119

[martian-astro10]

Atmakaraka series - Part 3

Atmakaraka is the planet with the highest degree in the birth chart.

Short note : atmakaraka can give good or bad results depending on the strength of the atmakaraka planet.

Atmakaraka in 3rd House :-

In this life, the person will have to be responsible for their younger sibling and support them in one way or the other. Short distance travel is VERY common with this placement.

Sun atmakaraka in 3rd House - people with this placement can be great writers, youtubers, and can gain a lot of fame from social media, but I'm not talking about any type of content but rather political content. I have seen this placement in people who take interviews of politicians or those who make YouTube videos about their country's political situation. If sun is weak then people will disagree with your opinions and you will be considered as someone who's not "neutral", so you will probably get hate for that. Also, your younger sibling can see you as a role model. (Results will vary depending on if sun forms any conjunctions or not)

Moon atmakaraka in 3rd House - if your moon is strong, then you LOVE your younger sibling, you practically raised them all by yourself. They are the type of people who get really sad when their siblings grow up and start spending time with other people, it can physically hurt them. The type of people who say things like, "they grow up so fast 🥺". BUT if moon is afflicted then... (I know a person with this placement, and his younger brother had severe asthma, and their mom had gone out, and the younger one started having an asthma attack and the older guy did nothing... The young boy died, the older sibling had an afflicted moon). Also, unlike sun, these people express their opinions in a more "silent" manner, they can be a novelist or a blogger, they prefer to write anonymously.

Mercury atmakaraka in 3rd House - this is the ultimate "smooth talker" placement, if saturn is not aspecting it. I have seen that a lot of good stand up comedians have this placement and also actors who seem very witty and smart. I personally feel like if you have this placement you should post reels and make tiktok videos and stuff, do it even if you're shy, like being famous on social media is your soul purpose. They could literally make a video about how they don't want to go to college tomorrow and BAM famous. And the best part is that if mercury is strong then these people won't EVER receive hate, people like them even if they're cringy. (I feel like the pookie guy is a pretty good example of this placement)

Venus atmakaraka in 3rd House - honestly, if you have this placement and if you also have a younger sibling, they WILL wear your clothes, I have noticed this a lot of times, their younger siblings love to use their makeup, perfume, skincare products and all venusian things. These people can be great sculptors, artists and painters. Doing all of these things can make them very happy. They can also have a pretty handwriting if Mars is not aspecting it. OH AND I know a girl with this placement and she writes THE SMUTTIEST SMUT, like I'm a very sexual person and reading her stories makes even me blush. If venus is not afflicted, then you love your siblings and also you are the one who teaches them about hygiene and how to take care of their body.

Mars atmakaraka in 3rd House - okay, a genuine advice for these people, WE CAN HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR WITHOUT YOU SCREAMING AT US. I genuinely feel that their only purpose in life is to be more gentle while communicating, they can also be great at anything that requires them to use their hands. Also, this is extremely specific, but you know those people who write with such pressure that the pages behind also get imprinted on, they remind me of this. And this is literally THE placement of people who write in all caps. These people are the ones who will wrestle with their siblings, the type to lift and slam them, even if their sibling is 5 and they are 15😭😭. (to anyone who has a sibling with this placement, I hope you are okay)

Jupiter atmakaraka in 3rd House - this placement is SO CUTE, literally the type of people who talk to kids like they are adults, they don't think that maturity comes with age, are willing to listen and learn things from those younger than them. If you want a husband who is good with kids, marry someone who has jupiter atmakaraka in 3rd or 5th house. They can be great kindergarten teachers, it's possible that your younger sibling's friends love you. I may be biased, but I love guys with this placement, the type of boyfriend who defends you in public but corrects you in private. If afflicted, they can be strict with their siblings and believe in tough love. This can also happen if saturn is in conjunction with jupiter.

Saturn atmakaraka in 3rd House - hates talking to people, prefers to sit or stand in the corner of the room. They have a fear of public speaking but they will have to do it. They get a lot of assignments where they have to present their ideas in front of people, saturn here wants you to talk or it will force you to do it. I don't know why, but I've seen that these people always get picked out to answer a question in class, the worst part is that they know the answer but forget it when they reach the board 😭😭. I don't have saturn AK but I do have it in 3rd House, so start talking in front of the mirror, in your house, if you watch an anime, movie or series or read a book, then look in the mirror and talk about it, imagine that someone is interviewing you, and then enter the class and do the same thing, but this time with actual people. (I hope this helps you as it helped me) and also your siblings don't hate you.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest, this is not my art)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[shmowder]

This is such a random thought, but I've been wondering what some of the characters would eat on a daily basis

I love you artemy but he gives me the vibe of someone that makes a big batch of something and then eats it for a week straight with no complaints (im sorry Mr burakh I don't want to eat porridge every morning and stew every evening)

Daniil seems like the opposite, he makes an overly elaborate breakfast like jam spreads and eggs (you can't tell me this guy didn't down like three cups of coffee every morning during his stay at the town and head out the door though)

Mark immortell does not eat he feeds on my tears of pain whenever i die in this game i hate this guy 🤬

Artemy needed to make food stretch out while travelling throughout the country + the army tends to serve a cycling menu, so those two habits might take months or years for him to break out of.

Maybe if Sticky and Murky complain enough about his cooking and having to reheat the same pot of stew for supper each day, Artemy would get the needed push to actually put thought and variety into what he makes, instead of the run-of-the-mill easy, filling, and nutritious goopy liquid of the day.

If this was the modern world, Artemy would be the guy whose fridge's filled with nutrition bars, absurd amounts of raw meat, and frozen soup divided into plastic containers.

Isidor must have been a better cook and actually fed Artemy more than the same 3 dishes in different fonts. Stakh might have picked up the recipes and cooking skills, but he just... never uses them.

Until on day while babysitting Sticky and Murky, he makes the mistake of preparing what he thought was a simple dish, only to watch these two kids almost burst into tears at the first taste of actual spices and fresh non-stewed vegetables in so long.

Que Artemy pleading with Stakh to share those recipes the next day after sampling the leftovers his kids brought home, because damn, this tastes exactly like his dad's cooking. When did Stakh become so handy in the kitchen? Artemy remembers him not even knowing how to boil eggs when they were kids.

Dankovsky, on the other hand, had a steady life and began his independence in college. Now, from the bits of lore drops during his p1 route, they paint a picture of a very... chaotic gremlin university Daniil. Like that one time, he mentions breaking the law and stealing tissue from a dead body while he was a student, or the fact not only did he attend the same bars as Andrey, but always carried a loaded pistol on him, even when he knew he was going to end up batshit drunk.

His diet during those days probably consistent of:

But that was the young and callow Danil. The man standing in front of us today is a few months short off entering his 30s. Yet on the other hand... old habits die hard.

So we have two options when it comes to theorising on this shortie's daily munches.

Option One: Danil is negligent with food

He worked at Thanatica deep hours into the night. He had press conferences, presentations, shareholders meetings, and social events to attend.

If someone is so willing to sacrifice sleep when it comes to his busy schedule, it's not far-fetched for food to be next.

When he does get the opportunity to eat, it's never homecooked. Hell, l'm willing to bet my arm on the fact he hasn't tasted a genuine homecooked meal in years.

Business dinners at fancy restaurants are more his style, an open buffet with eccentric dishes at conferences, the stale office coffee which he ignores until it's cold and then sourly downs it in one go. Whatever his co-worker at Thanatica decided to buy for the team lunch break today while doing a coffee run.

Does he know how to cook? Maybe. Daniil cares about how he presents himself, much like he memorised Latin phrases to show off, teaching himself after moving to his first apartment must have been deemed vital for his whole "I'm a grown capable adult now" aesthetic.

It's been a while; he's rusty, and all the recipes he knows came from a french cooking book that focuses more on presentation rather than taste or nutritions. He might not be able to make you any chicken soup while you're down with a fever, but you can be reassured that an Eggs en Meurette will come to the rescue... or so he claims.

-

Option Two: Daniil is obnoxiously punctual with having three meals a day

Okay, he was irresponsible with food before, so what? The past is the past. Not to mention, as a doctor specialising in death and its prevention, it's an oxymoron for him to neglect his own health.

He needs energy, a ton of it. So he makes sure to get the whole 8 hours of necessary sleep a day and eat 3 fullfilling meals on the dot. He's not that reckless 20-something boy anymore throwing his life away. He has a purpose, and he will make sure to live long to achieve it.

I'm not saying he fantasises about dedicating a whole chapter to these healthy habits in the autobiography—which he'll eventually write after earning all the deserved fame that comes from besting death—And l'm definitely not saying that he'll be the most smug about it as he describes how he never skips a meal, never stays up past bedtime, and rarely has more than one glass of wine per week. How a lot of his current healthy and responsible acts do root from wanting to feel a certain level of superiority over your average chum.

But it is—kind of—what I'm saying

The town was the exception, not the rule, on a normal Dankovsky day, he starts it with breakfast. Fruits are optimal, some toast to get his carbs in, tea with milk for the calcium, and of course he can't forget the water.

Can he cook? hmm, I'd say yes. This Danil is a decent cook. His personal pallet is still a bit fancy shmancy, but he's got the basics pinned down. He even still goes out of his way to practice a new recipe or two during the weekends. Constant variety is key.

-

Now, surprisingly, these two options can not only co-exist, but also be frankensteined into the same timeline. A Daniil that starts with neglect from his youth, then becomes a responsible adult, only to fall back into these bad habits when the stress of work and funding Thanatica becomes too much.

So he tries his best to have the necessary meals, but sometimes time slips between his fingers like fine sand while toiling away in the labs, and his only options are an empty stomach or two cups of coffee and crackers from the vending machine.

On a related note, I don't think Eva can cook, nor does she want to. Mostly surviving on fruits, wine... so much wine, plus the occasional sweets.

And clearly, Peter doesn't cook either.

Which means Andrey had to learn cooking at some point to feed his twin before they became the famous rich architects they are. Even now, he's still the one arranging and paying for the food deliveries to Peter's house, It goes with his whole renaissance-man shtick, but he wouldn't cook for just anyone. Even if you happen to be a guest at his house (whatever the fuck that means since the man spends 24/7 in his own pub rather than actually go back to wherever his home is) He'd still expect you to bring your own food or be satisfied with alcohol. Now, his eating habits? 100% like Eva, if not worse.

Peter is the closest thing a human has ever come to surviving soley off of alcohol. Lucky for him, twyrine actually has good nutritions in it, courtesy of the plucked herbs.

I'm pretty sure Mark Immortell likes to eat crying infants, the blood of goats, widows' tears, and these fists because oNE OF THOSE DEATHS IN MY P2 RUN WAS UNJUST AND UNFAIR MARK! I haven't fucking forgotten, MARK! you dropped a robber ON ME, MARK. You spawned him ATOP MY HEAD, MARK! I WAS PICKING HERBS IN PEACE MARK. I WAS AT FULL HEALTH HOW WAS IT POSSIBLE FOR HIS THICK ASS TO INSTA KILL ME, MARK!?

[padfoot0216]

911 Lone Star Headcannons

TK

- Is Autistic (I have already established this)

- Has Borderline Personality Disorder

- Idk why but I think he would like country music

- Really likes sea shanty’s

- Would 100% make that’s homophobic jokes (ex. Is told to clean the bathrooms, would reply that’s homophobic)

- Was a band kid, played a variety of instruments, started on obscure instruments one of the first being the accordion

- Carlos tries to teach him guitar, he gets it but can’t make his fingers move the right way

- Hates singing in public but is good at it

- Seeing as everyone in the 126 are part of a family they would be siblings. He would be the youngest middle child

- Would have done theater, didn’t act but did lights instead

- Yet somehow still has every script memorized

- Sucks at acting

- Literally just runs everywhere, whether he could get a ride or not.

- Favorite subject in school was biology

- Least favorite was math (he can’t do math)

- When he finds out Carlos likes photography he spends hours researching stuff about photography. He learns about how cameras work and we’re made and stuff. He tells carlos about it. Carlos does not know any of this. He just likes taking pictures doesn’t know the history. He appreciates it though.

- If he has a hogwarts house it would be ravenclaw

- can draw but thinks he can’t

- Would never swear, not because he has anything against it he just wants to see how many obscure substitutions he can make before people get annoyed

- Can’t drive. He used Mario kart to practice for his driving test that’s all you need to know.

- Would have watched don’t hug me I’m scared

Judd

- Hates country music

- Oldest son

- He would love squishmallows (you’ve seen him with pillows)

- Favorite subject in school was English

- Least favorite was history

- if he had a hogwarts house would be hufflepuff

- Sexuality would be unlabeled. Like he knows he likes men and woman but doesn’t exactly know what he is.

- One of the only ones in the 126 who can drive

Owen

- Good person, but bad parent (to his son)

- Dad of the 126

- Good parent to everyone but his son

- Is also autistic

- favorite subject in school was health

- least favorite subject was history

- hogwarts house would be gryffindor

- Can somehow only drive obscure vehicles but not like a normal car.

- Says he’s ‘not gay’ but has definitely dated at least one man and liked it.

Carlos

- can play guitar

- TK tries to teach him instruments, is confused but likes to listen

- Not good but not bad at singing enjoys singing in front of people

- is a photographer

- Has anxiety

- Is a cat person

- Can drive and enjoys driving

- favorite subject in school was photography

- least favorite subject in school P.E.

- would listen to TK rant about whatever for hours and be genuinely interested

- hogwarts house be slytherin

- can’t draw but thinks he can

- Begs TK to just say the word fuck

- Can drive but he failed his test 4 times

- The drunker he gets the more unhinged he is.

Paul

- Loves puzzles

- Oldest middle child

- Favorite subject in school was math

- least favorite was English

- hogwarts house would be ravenclaw

- Like will wood

- Can drive but is a perfectionist. Like if they need to be somewhere at noon they need to leave at 7 am because Paul will check every little detail before leaving.

Marjan

- Aroace

- Oldest daughter

- Favorite subject in school was P.E.

- Least favorite was health

- hogwarts house gryffindor

- Worst driver in the 126 don’t let her in a car pleasr

Mateo

- Has ADHD

- Yougest child

- can’t cook

- Favorite subject in school was science

- Least favorite was history

- hogwarts house would be hufflepuff

- Can drive but that’s all he can do. Like he can’t ride a bike and can barley walk.

- Poly/Pan

Nancy

- Not a sibling but like a cousin

- Was also a theater kid, can actually act

- favorite subject in school was art

- Least favorite was P.E.

- hogwarts house would be ravenclaw

- Can only drive small cars

Tommy

- Mother of the group

- Favorite subject in school was science

- least favorite was health

- hogwarts house would be slytherin

- Can drive

Grace

- Favorite subject in school would be music

- least favorite subject would be English

- hogwarts house would be slytherin

- Is a really good driver

- Similar to Judd her sexuality is unlabeled

- Would platonically flirt with Tommy

[anime-kia]

Lust and Temptation

I know I said that I was on my writing hiatus, but a wave of inspiration hit me. I was in my room jamming to some Kirk Franklin when the idea came to me. Yes you can turn up to gospel, don't @ me. 

This is going to be a religious fanfic (with a bit of blasphemy), if you're not Christian and/or don't believe in God you can still read this story, BUT! Do not leave any comments that would be disrespectful to my beliefs. If you do leave anything disrespectful: Delete and mute :) You are not obligated to read this story, it's your choice. 

And also I'm gonna dive a little more further, beyond what is openly taught. The worldly doctrine as it is called because I'm sure Erik would be that type of guy.

~ Post Black Panther ~

Warnings: Smut (takes a while for it to happen btw), Angst (a bit), A tad of deep stuff (religion wise)

Relationship: Erik x Christian Reader

Sunday morning, you dreaded it as a child, but now it was a lot more tolerable. It was the same thing every week; wake up at ten, use the bathroom, shower, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed into your Sunday best and head out to church to catch the twelve o'clock service. 

As a child your routine was fairly the same, except you had to wake up much earlier and attend all three services. Why? Because you're the pastors daughter. The only thing you genuinely enjoyed about church was the singing. You always had the ability to sing, but you were too young to join the choir. You loved the Lord with all your heart too, but you hated sitting down for hours listening to your father preach. He had a nice voice, but you could only listen to the same thing for so long. 

The memories of your mother scolding you for fidgeting too much or asking to leave early made a smile grace your face as you drove down the relatively and empty highway. 

It was warm out, and knowing that, the A/C would be blasting so you decided to wear a long sleeve cream coloured blouse that was tucked inside of a long black body con maxi skirt (appropriate enough for church) and black stilettos. You paired the outfit with gold accessories and light makeup.

One of the perks of being the pastors daughter included getting close parking, and you always took your spot on the right side of your father's white Lexus RX. Locking your car door, you made your way to the front doors being held by two young boys that you teach after the singing is completed. 

"Good afternoon, Miss (Y/N)." They both said in unison. 

"Good afternoon boys, how was your vacation?" They were away for two weeks, you remember how happy they were when they told you they'd be traveling out of the country for the first time.

"So fun!" The shorter one missing his two front teeth, Anthony, enthused.

"Yeah, we got to swim in the ocean!" Jacob matched his brother's excitement. 

"Oh really? That's so cool!" 

You allowed them to chat your ears off about their vacation to the Bahamas while they continued to hold the doors. Anthony was about to tell you about the shark he saw until your mother spotted you. 

"Hey, baby. How are you?" The familiar scent of Estée Lauder whiffed through your nose as she pulled you into a hug. 

"Hi Mom, I'm good." You waved to the boys as you walked with her towards the nave, "How's dad?" You greeted the church brothers and sisters who were setting up the equipment and rehearsing before the service started.

"The same, of course." She rolled her eyes and you chuckled.

"There's my star! Come here." Your father came down the stage and gave you a bear hug. 

"Hey, Dad." Your voice was muffled into his shoulder. You took the handkerchief out of his breast pocket and wiped his shiny forehead. "You're sweating." You said and placed it back into the pocket.

"It's a great service. Speaking of which, why did you stop coming to all three? We could really use your voice for all of em. Sister Eva is great, but you know how to get the crowd going."

You thanked him, and avoided answering the question truthfully. 

"(Y/n), let's get you set up." One of the technicians pulled you to the stage and gave you your usual equipment for singing. 

There were about ten minutes before the service was going to start so you quickly rehersed with the band and before you knew it people started filling into the space. Familiar members of the church gathered in, sliding into the seats and making room for others. You spotted a few of your church friends and gave them a little wave.

They would often tease you for being a good girl. The pastor's daughter usually got a bad rep. Them being the ones to do it all; sex, drugs, smoking, tattoos, etc. But you never found the need to do any of that. The only "rebellious" thing you've done was get your nose pierced. Your dad hated it (and he still does), but your mother was a lot more lenient. 

"Good afternoon everyone." You greeted the congregation with a smile, and they replied with a drowsy response. "I said good afternoon, everyone!" You had more enthusiasm in your voice this time, and they also did. "Much better. Now has God been good to you?"

"Yes!"

"And has he provided for you? Loved you unconditionally?"

"Yes!"

"He is great, ain't He?"

"Amen!" Cheers and applauds sounded the room.

"Yes, amen. Now I wanted to start off with an upbeat song. Let's get everyone up on your feet and clap your hands like this."

The congregation stood to their feet and followed your pace of claps. The band started playing their version of Kirk Franklin's, Looking For You. You allowed them to play the intro and then you and the choir joined in.

I've been down so long

I've been hurt for so long

There were times I thought I'd never see the break of day

It was hard for me to see your plan for me

And I tried to believe surely it won't last always

You enjoyed seeing everyone getting in tune with their souls through the music, parents were dancing with babies and children on their hips, little kids were jumping up and down. This was the best song to get everyone moving and ready to celebrate their love for the Lord. It almost caught you off guard when you noticed someone was still seated, it was hard to see him clearly because he was in the far back, but you knew that this was his first time coming to this church. He had a very distinct look, dreads, and a large frame. You thought maybe he was just one of those people who stopped by to hear a few words then leave, but he was dressed in his Sunday best, just like everyone else. He also looked like he had full intentions to stay.

You continued to sing your heart out, hyping the crowd up with reminders of why God is so good, and them replying amen. You danced and let the music flow through your body. Yup, this was the best thing about church.

Your voice was warm and welcoming, your energy was refreshing, your beauty was tranquilizing to him and he wanted to get to know you. He had the right intentions coming into the building, but seeing you lit a spark in him that he tried to suppress. 

The song came to an end, and he hadn't realized. The thunders of applauds and praises pulled him out of his trance, and he soon joined in. 

"Amen. You know what my favourite part about church is? The singing, not only because God blessed me with this voice, but because it touches my soul. Psalms 95:1 says 'Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation'." 

"Amen!"

"Glory be to God, and we lift our hands to you. We sing our praises to you! Every praise, is to you oh Lord." That was the cue for the band to get into the next song, Every Praise. You once again set the tempo for the sways and the congregation followed. 

Every praise is to our God

Every word of worship with one accord

Every praise every praise is to our God

Sing hallelujah to our God

Glory hallelujah is due our God

Every praise every praise is to our God

He decided to sit still, but tapped his feet to the beat of the song, his hands folded in his lap. He was so enamoured by you, that he hadn't noticed when a little girl rested her hands onto his knee. He looked down at the brown skinned baby, no older than two he assumed. She had two little puffs secured with bow clips, and a pink and white dress with matching shoes. She pushed herself off of his knee and smiled at him, her little hand waving to him. He smiled at her until she was pulled away.

"Sorry about that." A younger looking lady said, "My baby likes to meet everyone." She was a beautiful lady with dark skin, coily tresses fixed into a puff and pearly white teeth. 

"No problem." He simply replied with the same smile he gave the little girl. 

When she returned to her spot, which was only a seat away from him, he noticed that she wasn't with a man. He predicted that she was a young single mother, and he could tell she was somewhat stressed out. His training gave him the ability to read people with ease, and his past self had a knack for "fixing" stressed out women. He was so close to getting out of his seat and reverting back to his old ways, but that was why he was here in the first place so he decided to stay seated and listen to your voice.

"I have another verse for y'all. Ephesians 5:19, 'Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord'." You recited. "I have one more song before I let my father take over. This one always gets me emotional." The band once again started up with a softer melody. "Everyone just lift your hearts and voices as you sing with me."

The graceful rhythm of Healer flowed through the room and everyone calmed down, getting in tune with themselves and their saviour, you included.

You hold my every moment 

You calm my raging seas 

You walk with me through fireand heal all my disease 

You closed your eyes while singing, swaying to the beat. The choir handled majority of the song while you let it resonate in your heart. You could feel tears welling into your eyes.

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

He could feel the depth in your voice, the emotion wrapped around him, he was almost driven to tears. He had never seen anything so beautiful, so dedicated, so pure and loving. Your voice was more than enough proof for him. He was a sinner and he knew he would corrupt you, but you were like a lure, pulling him in.

"Amen!" Your voice called out, as the song came to a close. He was surprised that your voice sounded so normal, not a crack present. Had you not said anything, anyone would've been convinced that you were crying, but your voice had masked that very well. "Thank you everyone, thank you." Applauds filled the room, he was surprised to find himself clapping as well. You walked off the stage, your father giving you another hug just before you got to your seat.

"Amen indeed," He began. "My daughter everyone!" He clapped and the congregation joined in again. You smiled as your mother kissed your temple, stating how beautiful you sounded. It always felt good, not the applauds and recognition from everyone, but being able to use your talent to praise God and to be able to allow people to do the same whether they could sing or not.

Today's lesson was about forgiveness and acceptance. 

"Now I want y'all to think. And think real good." Your father eyed the crowd, "Are y'all holding a grudge against someone?"

Some folks shook their heads, others remained silent. He was one of them who remained silent.

"Why? Maybe they've wronged you, hurt you, lied on you, stole from you. But you know what, you know who doesn't hold a grudge... The Father. In fact, He loves you all so much that He sent His only son to die on the cross for all of our sins. Imagine that." 

He listened carefully to the pastors words, taking in everything like a sponge. You on the other hand had this speech given to you a thousand times, you could probably teach this lesson if you wanted to. Holding grudges was not natural to you, so you never did. You always forgave and forgot, no matter the circumstance. 

Usually you were sent off to teach the younger kids their own lesson, but another one of the members allowed you to take this Sunday off and took your place instead.

The lesson continued for an hour and church had finally started coming to it's end.

"I would like to close this off with a prayer before you all leave. Anyone who needs a special prayer is more than welcome to stay behind. Please join your hands together as we say this prayer."

He was hesitant to hold hands with any stranger, but an old lady (with a surprisingly strong grip) to his left and the single mother to his right held his hands and already had their heads bowed. He followed suit and listened to the prayer that the pastor had recited.

"I pray you all have a blessed week, and we'll see you again next Sunday."

You were required to stay behind, not that you minded, but you were apart of the church crew. Leaving so soon would seem inappropriate. 

A few people made their way down to the front to receive an extra prayer, he was going to leave, but he saw you standing off to the side waiting for anyone to come by. 

Of course he wasn't nervous to greet you, women were so easy when it came to him.

"Bye, Sister Mary. See you next Sunday." You waved to the older lady as she made her way out, smiling at him as he made his way over to you. 

He stood in front of you, towering over you.

"Hello." You greeted him. This was the same man you saw seated when you first opened the service. 

"Hey." He replied with a smirk.

"What's your name, stranger?"

"Erik."

"I'm (y/n), nice to meet you. I don't think I've ever seen you in this church before."

"Nah, I'm new. It's actually my first day here."

"Oh lovely, so I guess you're going to be joining us from now on?"

He was very hesitant to reply and you had already figured out he was one of the lost as our father would describe them. People trying to find God again after hardship. He did look quite rough on the edges, handsome though.

"That's alright, but I do hope you consider. Now what type of blessings are you in need of today?"

"I'm looking for peace." His voice was very gentle as he explained.

You held your hands out to Erik, "Aren't we all." You smiled at him as he placed his calloused hands into yours. This alone told you he's been through more than you could ever imagine. You began to pray for him, asking God to bring peace and security to his heart. 

Like your singing, there was so much passion and sincerity in every word you spoke. He found it strange that someone he'd never met before could actually lend out their time to wish him all the best through the form of prayer. It was odd, the feeling in his heart was warm. Not something he was use to.

"Erik?" He was staring so deeply at you, it was like he was in a trance. "Erik?" You called again. 

He hadn't realized when you stopped praying, "Oh shi- I mean shoot. Sorry." He let go of your hands as he apologized.

You gave him a sympathetic smile, "It's all good."

He was at a loss for words, all he could say was, "Thanks for this."

"Of course, I'm here every Sunday. I hope to see you again."

"Yeah."

Next Sunday rolled around and you were a lot more excited this time. You really hoped that Erik would be there. On the highway you exceeded the speed limit just a little bit to get to church faster. You parked your car and got into the church, this time no one was holding the door as you were a lot earlier. 

Everything followed suit as usual, you sing, your father preaches and closing prayer. You had spotted Erik while singing, this time he was standing up and clapping. It was a good start, he'd get to singing eventually.

This week he had asked you to pray for healing and restoration in his heart. Before leaving, you gave him a hug and you were quite surprised when your palm touched his back. You felt ridges, lot's of them. You wanted to ask him about them, but it would probably be rude. Maybe he had a skin condition.

The following Sunday was also the same, but this time he had asked you to pray for guidance. You knew he was lost, and you were more than happy to help. You didn't know, however, about the burden he was carrying, nor did you try to pry into that. After the prayer he thanked you.

Suddenly your mother and father came over to greet you both.

"Hey Mom, Dad. This is Erik."

"Lovely to meet you, Erik." Your mother shook his hand.

"Welcome to the church. You must be new." Your father also shook his hand.

"Yeah, it's his third time here." He nodded as you spoke for him.

"Glad to have a new member." He patted Erik on the shoulder. "(Y/n), are you coming over for dinner tonight?"

"Yes, I just gotta grab something at my place and I'll see you there."

"Alright, we're heading out now. Drive safe. Once again, nice to meet you Erik." Your parents waved to you both as they left the church.

You sighed, "I hate closing up this place, it's so eerie in the dark."

"For real?"

"Yup."

"The Lord's house?"

"Yes, Erik."

"How God suppose to give you bad vibes?"

"He doesn't, it's just my mind running rampant... Plus, this church is really old."

"Aight, I can stay and protect you just in case." He joked.

You rolled your eyes and agreed anyway. "I gotta do the basement first."

So he followed you down to where the bathrooms and meeting rooms were located.

"I guess I could give you a little t-" You turned around, but he wasn't there. "Erik?!" You called out. "Erik, come on this ain't funny." The light shut off and you were alone in the dark. You screamed when you felt a hand land on your shoulder. You slapped the hand away and the lights came back on revealing a laughing Erik. "So. Not. Funny."

"I'm sorry." He continued to laugh.

Two months had passed and this Sunday followed the same, but when closing prayer rolled around Erik had prayed for a date.

"What do you mean a date?" You giggled at his request. "I'm gonna need you to be more specific." 

"Exactly that, a date. With you."

You were taken aback by his statement, but then smiled. "What will this date consist of?"

"Anything you want."

One thing you learned about Erik with knowing so little about him was his bold and cocky demeanour.

"Alright... Hmm..." You thought of how you would play along with his request. "Oh Lord, I pray that Erik takes me somewhere nice, with good food and good music. I also pray that this may not turn out to be a bad experience, in your holy name, amen." 

He loved to see your laugh, "So that's a yes?"

"Yes."

Your parents had left early again and you were subject to Erik's pranks and duty of closing up. After locking the church, he walked you to your car as you entered your number into his phone.

"So I'll pick you up on Friday at six?" 

"Yeah, see you then Erik." He locked your door for you and strode off to his car as you drove away. 

Erik was really hoping that he wouldn't screw anything up. You could be his redemption and he truly felt it. Sure he'd only known you for such a short time, but something about your presence felt so promising to him. 

It was five p.m. and you just got out of the shower when you had called Erik.

"Ya know, you still haven't told me where you're taking me." 

"Don't worry about it, ma."

"But I don't know what to wear."

"Just dress good."

You frowned at the general answer, "That could mean anything. I have good pyjamas, good gym clothes, good church clothes."

You could hear him sigh on the other line, "We're going on a date. Wear something sexy then."

You blushed at his comment, "Wha- Fine."

"Just don't take forever, aight."

"Okay, Erik see you soon."

"Later, princess."

Before you could ask him about his pet name for you, the line went dead.

Your black Persian cat, Minnie, hopped onto your bed and meowed at you. Her name was quite ironic because her fur gave her a large appearance. 

"What's up, Minnie? You hungry?" 

She rolled onto her back and meowed again. 

"Alright, lemme just finish getting ready then I got you, okay." You rubbed her stomach, (luckily she doesn't mind that) and went into your closet looking for the perfect outfit.

Something sexy...

You never thought about dressing "sexy". You didn't have bad style, but you never wore anything to attract attention. Your outfits were mainly business casual or business dressy when you were out. At home, you settled for something comfy.

But remembered your sister taking you shopping when she set you up for all those blind dates. None of the men you met were intriguing in the slightest. They all had their quirks and nicks that were huge turn offs. You weren't stuck up, but you could not see yourself spending the next fifty years with them. Erik though, had something enticing about him. He made you curious.

You decided to go for blind date outfit number two. A high-low dress with a white polyester satin top and royal blue mesh bottoms, silver accessories, light makeup and white stilettos. You slipped into the dress, zipping it up and adjusted the bottom. 

You thought about what food you were going to order as you filled up Minnie's food bowl with wet food, salmon to be exact, her favourite. If he was one of those cheap men, he'd take you to McDonalds. You were told to be grateful in any case, so you would order a combo. But maybe you were lucky enough to be going on a date with someone who has a decent bank account. Maybe he'd take you to a restaurant where you could order pasta or a fancy fish. Maybe a hibachi grill! Those were always a ton of fun to go to. 

Though Erik and you have known each other for two months strictly because of church, you didn't know anything about him. Once again, he never failed to remind you of how mysterious he was. He could be a killer for all you know.

You stroked Minnie's back as she quickly ate her dinner. 

"Maybe I could order the same thing Mom and Dad made me the last time I was over there." They had made grilled steak and potatoes, it was delicious. Your mother was actually a queen on the grill, and your father tagged in with the perfect seasonings. You always ate good with them. While you daydreamed about consuming their cooking, your father's words replayed through your head. 

"I dunno, I feel like I've seen him before. Like he just seems so familiar."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure, the name... Also, when I touched his shoulder I felt these bumps, it reminded me of something, but I'm not so sure."

"Maybe it's a coincidence." 

"Maybe..."

The raps against your door brought you out of your thoughts and you went over to go open it. There Erik stood in a black semi casual suit and black Louis Vuitton loafers.

"Hey, Princess."

"Hey, Erik." You gave him a hug getting a whiff of a cologne that was very subtle, but you already knew it was very expensive. You recall smelling it in a high end store at the mall.

"You smell good." He said. What he was smelling was your body mist from Victoria's Secret, you got it on sale for five dollars.

"Thanks, I should be saying the same to you."

"You look sexy too."

"Ah thanks." You stopped yourself knowing where he was going.

"What, you ain't gonna say the same to me?"

"I mean, I guess you look alright." You teased.

He kissed his teeth and shook his head and you laughed. 

"Bye, Minnie. I'll be back later." You locked the door and latched arms with Erik as he guided you down the steps to his car. "Oh my gosh, this is your ride?" You exclaimed, charmed by the shiny black Corvette.  

"One of." He plainly stated, opening the passengers side for you.

"One of?!"

"Hop in." He ignored your question for clarification. You got in and he locked the door, making his way around to the driver's side. He wasted no time taking off into the night. The sky was shaded with a warm orange colour as the sun began to sink below the Oakland skyline. His music was a lot lower than you had originally expected.

You could faintly hear the tune and lyrics, it was a Biggie Smalls song that you've heard throughout high school. You hummed to the beat of the song until it completely stopped.

"Hey, it was low enough." You frowned at Erik. 

"Why don't you sing for me instead?" His focus was still on the road.

"Well, I usually like to have a beat playing."

"You don't do A Capella?" 

"Only when I'm at home."

"So you ain't tryna sing a lil something for me?" He turned to look at now that he was at a stop light.

"Only if I can get a beat."

"I don't beat box."

You rolled your eyes, "I wasn't asking you to do it. Do you have an aux cord?"

He laughed, "Aux cord?" 

"What's so funny about that?" You narrowed your eyes at him. 

"Just connect it to my bluetooth."

"Oh alright, Mr. Fancy." You held your hands up in a surrender. 

After setting it up, which was surprisingly really fast compared to your car, you chose to play another one of your favourite Kirk Franklin songs, I Smile. 

Today's a new day, but there is no sunshine

Nothing but clouds, and it's dark in my heart

And it feels like a cold night

Today's a new day, but where are my blue skies

Where is the love and the joy that you promised me?

Not even a minute through the song and this man had turned the radio off.

"Erik!" 

"You singing that gospel shit, it ain't even Sunday."

"I'm not a Sunday Christian, I practice it every day of my life."

He laughed, and began driving as the light changed to green. "You're the first."

"What do you mean?" 

"You know, I always thought this religious thing was bullshit."

"Excuse m-"

"Hold on, let me explain." He held his hand up, "You even admitted it just now. Y'all go to church every Sunday, belting your hearts out and praising God. But as soon as it's over, people go back to their sinful ways. Whether it be cheating, lying, stealing, ya get what I'm saying?"

It's true, it has definitely crossed your mind on multiple occasions, and that's why you said what you said. "I do."

"What's the point if you're just gonna go back to being a sinful person?"

"I guess it just gives them some type of security." You didn't exactly know how to answer his question, and you've asked your father the same thing many times, but even he could not come up with the perfect explanation. 

"Anyway, what else you got on your phone?" 

"Mainly just gospel, it really gets me through the day."

"You was just humming to Biggie. I'm sure you got something other than gospel, let me see." He held his palm out for you to place your phone in it. 

"You're driving, focus on the road."

"The light's gonna change, let me see it." He slowed to a stop.

"Fine." You placed the phone into his hands and scanned for songs other than gospel. His sudden laughter made you stare at him, "What's so funny?"

"Clean, clean, clean. All these songs got the little clean icon." He handed you your phone, "Aight, I'm firing you from DJ duty."

"Wooowwww." You rolled your eyes and folded your arms across your chest.

"I got you." He lifted his phone and scrolled through his list, you alerted him when the light turned green and he set his phone back down in the cup holder. "You got this one on ya phone."

T-Pain's, Bartender filled the car and you were a little surprised. You really thought he was gonna chose a song that was loaded with cursing and sexual innuendos. But you didn't have songs like that on your phone. Honestly, you lived for the early 2000s throwback songs and you felt your voice complimented T-Pain's as you sang along.

Erik handled the verses as you sand the pre-hook and the hook. The bass in his car was amazing, you felt as if you were at a live concert seated in front of the speakers. You continued to listen to his early 2000s playlist until he decided to change it up to more recent songs. 

"Please don't play those new artists."

"Artists? They ain't artists, they fuckin' trash. Disgraceful to even call themselves rappers." He scoffed.

"I'm glad you agree, but do you have to swear?"

"Fuck yeah." He set his phone back down and a song you were unfamiliar with filled the car, "Neighbor, Juicy J and Travis Scott." He told you. You knew Travis, his songs were pretty good.

You were bopping to the music, ignoring the little "Shut the fuck up" at the beginning. Erik was vibing to the song as well, bopping his head and doing little dances with his hands. You were enjoying the song until the chorus came. He was looking at you the whole time with a smirk.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Your mouth was ajar, watching him recite every single word. He bursted out laughing at your shocked expression. 

"Damn shorty, it ain't that serious." He turned the volume down, "You telling me you've never cussed?"

"No, never."

Your expressions changed, his mouth was now ajar this time. "Never?"

"Never."

"Say, sofa."

You stared at him suspiciously. "Sofa."

"Now say, king."

"King."

"Say it together real fast."

"Sofa k- Really?" You glared at him.

"I tried. Anyway, we're here." He hopped out and came around to the other side to get you.

"This place is beautiful, oh my gosh. I thought you needed to make reservations some months ahead to get in." You gawked at the super high ceiling with crystal chandeliers, the marble walls and floors, and the large gold fountain placed right in the centre. "How'd you do it?"

He simply shrugged.

"You're taking this very lightly. I mean, this is a lot for a first date."

"You don't like it?"

"No, no. I love it, it's just, a lot to take in and you're acting like this is normal."

"It is." He shrugged again.

"What?" You stared at him incredulously. 

A waiter arrived at the table, placing a basket of bread and fancy cheese platter on the table.

"Good evening, can I start you both off with some drinks?" 

"Lemme get your best bottle of Rosé. The whole thing."  

Erik hadn't even looked at the menu and you were searching through it quickly. The waiter had already gone off and you didn't have a chance state that you only wanted a glass of water.

"I don't drink." You told Erik.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't care to."

"You never had a little sip?"

"Nope, never. Just like swearing. Never done it, never will."

"Say sofa-"

"Be quiet." You cut him off and he chuckled.

"Ya know, Jesus turned water into wine. John 2:1-11. The bible ain't against drinking."

"So?"

"So, he wasn't afraid to have fun. We talking about God's son. That man had serious responsibility, but he still did that. You need to loosen up, girl. I ain't asking you to get drunk."

You sighed, and the waiter had returned with a bottle of the Rosé. He poured you a glass and asked if you both needed some time to order, but Erik had already placed his order and yours. 

"Wha- I don't even know what you just ordered." 

"You'll like it, I promise."

Goes to show how often he comes here, maybe with other women too.

"So this is the part where you tell me about yourself." You began.

"Well shit, what do you wanna know?"

"Well first of all, what in the world do you do?"

"I work for a Wakandan outreach centre in Oakland. Helping our people do better with the fucked up system."

"Oh that's pretty cool, it pays well?"

"Well if you're trying to ask how I can afford everything I got, I also work beside the King of Wakanda. His advisor to be exact. So I get my money like that."

You stared at him puzzled, "Huh?" 

He smirked, "I guess you can say I'm royalty. That dude I called King, he's my cousin."

You almost choked on the bread that you just took a bite out of, "WHAT?"

The white people turned around to look at the source of the sound, their noses scrunched up at your vulgar outburst as Erik laughed.

"You know Erik, lying lips are an abomination to the Lord. Proverbs 12:22." 

"Who said I was lying?"

The waiter had come back with two steaming plates that were covered by a cloche. As he raised the silver metal covering, steam smoked out from the sides revealing two plates of alligot and garlic roasted chicken sliced into perfect pieces with truffles and caviar. You've heard of alligot once on a YouTube video, but you hadn't planned on trying it.

You both thanked him as he left you two to finish off your meal.

"So, what do you do?" He used the knife to cut the chicken breast into a smaller piece before putting it into his mouth.

"Well, I'm a full time social worker at a high school and part time singer and youth teacher on Sunday's. But you already knew that." You said while scooping the cheesy potato onto your fork.

"Maybe you could come talk to some of the kids at the centre. Teach em a bit."

"I could, but I'd have to find somewhere in my schedule to fit it."

"We're always open and willing to get more people on our team. Just let me know."

"For sure." 

You both ate in relative silence, only because you were still staring at the rose coloured drink resting to the right side of your plate. Erik had already finished half of his glass. You told him, maybe you'd opt out because surely he can't drink and drive home, but he assured you his alcohol tolerance was very high. It was a little insipid how high it was a matter of fact.

"It won't kill you, just think of it as pink lemonade."

You narrowed your eyes as you brought the glass to your lips, allowing the liquid to enter your mouth.

"Swallow it."

And you did. It actually wasn't as bad as you expected it to be. 

"See, how was that?"

"Not bad." You actually really enjoyed the taste.

The rest of your night consisted of questions and answers, jokes, serious debates on religion, politics and what the hell was going on within the black community, internally and externally. You had downed three glasses of the Rosé without noticing. 

"So, would you date a white girl?" You asked him.

He didn't even spare a second to think, "Nah."

"Why not? Don't black men love them?"

"I mean, they aight. But I need someone who I can really connect with. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically. No white girl can truly understand the struggle, I need me a lady to not only sympathize when I'm crying for one of my brothers murdered unjustly, but to feel exactly what I'm feeling."

"I say that too. Relating is super important in a relationship. There's no way I can be silent just because you don't want to hear about the things we deal with. I use to be friends with this white girl, back in 2016 when police brutality was at a high. She did not have a single care when I was speaking about it, she would find excuses for the police... She really tried to justify their actions. I was appalled."

Erik shook his head, "Damn. But that's to be expected. If it ain't affecting them, why should they give a fuck?" He rhetorically asked.

"I would then ask God, why. Why us? Why black people? Why do we carry the burden and the struggle."

Erik leaned in, intrigued by your question. "Did you find the answer?"

"It's all in the bible. A lot of people miss it, a lot. My father included and it's so sad."

Erik had already asked God the same question. He knew the answer.

"It's all right there, the verses, the scriptures. Everything. You should check out Romans 10:19."

Erik had already started siting the verse, "I will make you envious by those who are not a nation; I will make you angry by a nation that has no understanding." He shook his head, "When you know your true identity, you become unstoppable."

You stared at him in shock, "You know?"

"We're a lot alike, (y/n). Trust me, I've asked that question countless times." His grip on the neck of the glass was tight, "Not necessarily as a whole, but 'why me?' Why do I have to be the stereotype, why do I have to be the black parentless, foster-care kid, why couldn't I grow up like a normal child. Two parents, maybe some siblings. Hell, a dog too."

"What do you mean?"

"I lost both my parents at a young age, barely knew my mom. My dad was murdered by his own people..." You tried to look into his eyes, but they seemed so distant as he continued to explain the story.

"I'm so sorry, Erik."

"Nah, it's all good now. My life was shit, but like you sang back at church, that Kirk Franklin song."

"Looking for you?"

"Yeah, the beginning part."

"I'm glad my singing got to you." You smiled at him. You're not sure when it happened, but your hand had found his and your thumb rubbed over his knuckles. He lifted your hand up and pressed it against his lips.

"How you get drunk off of Rosé?" He shook his head with a judgemental look on his face.

"I'm not." You weren't totally drunk, just a bit.

The drive to his place was rather quick, you were already making it into his gated home. It was a little hard to make out what the place looked like in the dark, it was almost as if he made it incognito. Not a single light was on. As he unlocked the high tech door, a wave of cold air slapped your bare arms making you shiver. 

"Why does it feel like Antartica in here?" 

"It's just how I like it." He closed the door and put the lock back on.

"No way." You held your arms as you shivered, but he placed his very hot blazer over your shoulders. Okay, so now you understood why he kept his place so cold. The man generated heat like an oven. You were instantly warmed up.

"Lights on, main floor." He spoke to no one in particular, or so you thought until a robotic female voice recited his command and lights began turning on. 

"Whoa, is this one of those smart homes?"

"Kinda. It just got vibranium and Wakandan technology."

"Seriously?" 

"I did tell you the King is my cousin." He began walking into another room.

"Hold up!" You caught up to him. 

You were now in his kitchen that connected to his living room. His style was very modern and sleek. It was so clean that not a single spot of dust was visible to the naked eye. He had many African artworks and artifacts around the room and a gigantic map of the world with little red pushpins located in different spots. 

"Hey Erik?"

"Hmm?" He was taking a shot of something with a golden brown colour.

"What's up with this map?"

He swallowed the liquid and made his way over to you. "It's for every place I been."

"Cuz you were in the military right?"

"Yup."

Then the thought came to your head, "Hey, Erik?"

"Wassup?"

"Have you ever um..." Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, "Actually, never mind."

"Aight." 

You sat down on his large sectional sofa and released your curls from your hair tie. It felt just as good as taking off your bra, but of course you couldn't do that at the moment. Then another thought came to you, but Erik had already seated himself beside you with a bottle of Hennessy in his hands, placing it down on the glass table. 

"More alcohol?" You've heard about Hennessy before, but you knew nothing about it.

"Yeah." He simply stated and turned on the TV.

"Can I get some?"

He looked at you funny, "Of what? That?" He pointed to the bottle.

"Yes."

"So you a drinker now?"

"It won't kill me." You restated what he said.

"Aight, look for a movie." He got up from the couch and went back into his kitchen to get you a glass.

You scrolled through the vast selection, you weren't sure what to watch. Anything but horror, you didn't want to invite anymore demons into the world. He came back before you could find anything.

"Just pick one." He said while filling your glass.

"There's too many to choose from. Why don't you do it?"

"Cuz, you're the guest and you won't like what I pick."

"How do you know what I like and don't like?"

"I got a pretty good understanding, ma. Now choose one."

You sighed and settled for one that looked decent, appropriate too.  You took a sip of the drink, your face scowling at the taste. "Oh my- You like this?"

"Mhm." He responded while taking a few more shots. You sucked it up and drank the rest, you didn't want to waste his booze anyway. 

By the thirty minute mark of the movie, your head found its way onto Erik's lap. The drink had sucker punched you, but you tried play it off. Erik was still unfazed, barely watching the movie. His attention was mainly on his phone.

A new sensation sparked your lower half, something you've briefly felt before, but suppressed it knowing exactly what it was. This time though, it came in all at once with a full force. It was an itch that needed to go away.  

You've heard about alcohol being an aphrodisiac before... Uh oh.

You compressed your thighs together relieving it for a few seconds, but it felt as though it intensified and Erik noticed you shifting. 

"You good?" He asked. His voice was so soft and enticing, calling you forward. You raised your head out of his lap and straddled him. "Whoa..."

"Erik..." Your voice came out very relaxed.

"Aye, you go-"

Your lips found their way onto his, stunning both of you in the process. You were kissing him so deeply without the intent of letting go. It was a sloppy kiss, truthfully, as you've never kissed another man before.

You had him on his back as you began undressing yourself down to only your matching pair of bra and panties.

"Baby girl, whatchu doing?"

"I'm tired of being the good girl, Erik. It's so boring." You whined to him.

Erik felt his dick twitch at the lust in your voice and eyes, he could feel his old self coming back quickly. He should've known better than to be drinking, but it was a rough week. 

You leaned in and met him with another kiss, this time he was the dominant one. You helped him out of his button up, your hands now coming in contact with the bumps that you felt back at church. Had you not been so wasted, you would've reacted, but that was the last thing on your mind. 

He was out of his pants before you knew it, and you were on your back. He kissed down your neck, making sure to leave love bites on you. He trailed all the way to your stomach, right down to the band of your blue lace panties. His fingers slid under the band yanking them further down till they were off completely. 

"Damn, ma." He ran his finger up and down your wet folds before inserting it.

"Uhh." You moaned at the intrusion. 

His tongue soon found it's way onto your clit as well. You moaned and thrashed as he continued to assault your womanhood. He made sure to hold you down as he ate you out. He was an expert, despite this being your first time, you could tell he was really skilled. He lifted your leg over his shoulder and stuck another finger into you. You hands found their way into his dreads and you gripped tightly, he hissed at your action.

"Ohhhh." You moaned aloud.

"You like this, mama?" 

"Nngh, yes!" 

The feeling in your core intensified until you could no longer hold it and you released without warning, a plethora of moans falling from your lips.

"Damn baby, you ain't warn me."

"Mmh, I'm sorry."

"Nah," He sat up. "Sorry ain't gonna cut it." 

He pulled off his boxers and climbed over top of your shaking frame. He took the tip of the penis and rubbed it along the outside of you, coating it in your wetness. You shivered at his touch.

He had one hand by your ear and the other on his member, guiding it into you. The stretch was unbelievable, your hands gripped his arms tightly. 

"Fuck, this pussy so tight." 

"Oh, unnghh."

"That's it, just a little more." He continued to slide into you, and you tried your best to ignore any pain you were feeling, but that was almost impossible. His gold chain that you hadn't noticed before dangled over your head, it had a ring attached to it.

He thrusted into you, not checking if you were alright. All you could feel was pain and little spurts of pleasure here and there.

"Mmh, oh. I-it's too much!" You groaned.

"I know you can take it, come on girl." 

He was definitely curing your itch, but that same feeling was welling into your core once again. You placed your hand on the lower half of his abdomen and begged for him not to go any deeper.

"Mhh-mmh. That's it, that's it." You continuously chanted as he continued thrusting. 

He pulled out and had you go on all fours, you were a shaking mess. He dived right back into you pumping at a steady pace. 

You cried out his name. "Erik, ohhhh fffff-" It was so overstimulating that you almost cursed. 

"Was that a bad word?" He spanked your ass.

"Ah! Noooo." You sighed.

"Come on, say it. I dare you."

"Mmh-mmh." You shook your head slightly.

He picked up the pace and your moans turned into screams as he brushed your cervix. Your toes curled tightly.

"Ahhhh, s-slow d-down unnghhh!" You could swear you were seeing stars as he hammered you into the sofa. 

"Ahhh shit." He sped up even faster. Your high was at it's peak now.

"Fuck!" You screamed out, not even realizing it, but a string of curse words followed. You couldn't stop yourself as you released onto his cock with a scream.

He pulled out and released onto your back as you collapse, blanked out without a care in the world.

The next morning, you felt something warm and wet on your shoulder.

"Minnie, stop. That tickles." You pushed the culprit away, but your hand retracted as soon as you felt human skin and kinky hair. You shot up and stared down at him. Regret instantly clouded your heart, and nausea filled your stomach. 

It wasn't a sinful dream... You had lost your virginity so a man you had barely known. Something you promised to keep to yourself until marriage.

"Get away from me." You pushed him away as tears streamed down your face. You scooted back so far and almost fell off of his king sized bed in the process.

"(Y/n), it's just me." 

"N-no, oh my gosh. Please tell me I was dreaming?" You held your head in your palms. You knew it was real, seeing that you were wearing one of his shirts, your curls were a hot mess, and you woke up in his bed. Not to mention the ache in between your legs.

"You good, ma?" 

"No, Erik! I'm not 'good'! I'm terrible." 

"Did I go too hard?" He asked without shame.

"That's not the issue, Erik! We had sex, right?"

"Yeah, it was great."

You sighed, collapsing your head into your lap. "I'm a sinner. I can't- I-"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

Your tears rolled off your cheeks landing onto the bed sheets, "You took my virginity, Erik."

"Oh shit..."

"I was saving it. Sex before marriage... Why would I do that? Ugh!"

" We were both drunk. It's not that serious, (y/n)." 

"Of course it is!" You snapped at him. "We barely even know each other... This is my first time seeing you outside of church."

He was silent as he watched your tears of regret fall.

"I gave in to one of the cardinal sins... God must be so disgusted with me." You sighed, "Hebrews 13:4, Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

"Hold up, you talking about lust, right?" He finally spoke up.

"Yeah." You answered with a sniffle. 

"Ain't you the one who told me about forgiveness. Redemption. All that shit." 

You looked at him a little puzzled.

"You really think you a bad person for fucking?" He took off his shirt, "You know what these bumps are? They each represent a kill."

Your eyes widened as your hand covered your mouth.

"Thou shalt not kill, one of the Ten Commandments. I disobeyed that one, each scar on my body reminding me. You know what's the sad thing about it, I don't regret any of them. I did what I had to do, that's the path I chose." He scoffed, "You worried about sex, I got blood on my hands, baby. Shit, I don't even know if I can be saved."

You had to register a lot, it was all so overwhelming. You had given in to temptation and had sex with a man you only knew so much about, not to mention he's a killer... But then it hit you.

"W-wait... Don't tell me that you're K-Killmoger..."

"Surprise." He said unenthusiastically, his eyes had glossed over at some point, but you missed it. 

It felt as if the weight of the world came crashing down on your shoulders. You weren't sure if you should run away, leave or stay. 

Surprisingly, you found yourself cradling his head in your lap. You both remained silent and let the moment register.

"John 1:9, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." He said while your fingers ran against his scalp.

You decided not to sing this Sunday, as it would feel hypocritical to be teaching these people what it means to be a good Christian through songs. Throughout the service, you hadn't seen Erik. He was kind enough to drop you back at your place the night before, but he took off in a hurry.

"(Y/n), you're not praying for anyone today?" Your father asked as he waved a few sisters goodbye.

"Actually, I needed a prayer for myself. And also with Erik in mind."

"Sure, what about?"

"Forgiveness of sin and restoration."

The look he gave you was quizzical, "Alright."

As your father prayed, Erik watched from a distance. He could feel your father's words in his heart without actually hearing anything. He knew that he was no good for you. You were just a church girl doing the right thing, while he was still trying to figure it out.

He was your temptation and you were his.

Okay, so this has been my longest one-shot with 9000+. I hope you enjoyed!

(Start/Finish: November 7-8, 2018)

[wheelin-after-midnight]

10.

What’s better: winter break or spring break?

I don't really have a preference because those breaks don't apply to me anymore, but I'm gonna go with spring just because I passionately hate winter in this country.

Are you cold, hot, or comfortable at the moment?

A little chilly, but nothing I can't handle.

How many concerts have you been to in your life?

I've seen Jann Arden three times, in three different venues, two different cities. I also saw Whitney Houston's concert for a post-apartheid South Africa when they remastered the show from Durban, 1994, and released it in theatres in October. If she were still alive, I wouldn't actually count that, but I never had a chance to see her while she was here. The theatre was not extremely big, but those of us that were there were singing and boppin' along and crying like we were at one of her actual shows. The sound was also amazing. You could feel the floor vibrating. It was the next best thing to actually being present in South Africa at that time.

What’s your favorite TV show?

Empire is definitely one of them. Army Wives, You, Me, Her.

Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?

Ew. That's my mother. 🤢

Would you rather paint your room puke green, or eat a potato bug?

Paint a room puke green. I'll just paint over it later. I'm not eating a potato bug.

How old were you when you had the chicken pox?

Four or five, maybe. I remember I only had a few of them, but my mother ended up being absolutely covered in them.

Ever had a friend named Alex or John?

Yes to both, but not extremely close friends.

Are you one who misses a lot of school, just because?

I was absent a lot, but I mostly had legit medical reasons or appointments. I would just work ahead while I was out so I didn't fall behind the class.

What type of music do you listen to the most?

I hate this question. It's in the same vein as "what's your favorite song?" I don't know. I have 6,500 songs on my Spotify, man. I could maybe narrow it down to my top 100. My favourites rotate. I like such a large, eclectic variety of music across so many decades. Anything from about the 50's to today. I can't pick just one genre. Country was my first love and what I grew up on and grew up singing as a young kid. I also like R&B/soul, Motown, some gospel stuff even though I'm an atheist now and don't really identify with or find comfort in my family's beliefs, pop, rock, reggae, easy listening, Latin/Spanish music... Idk. Literally everything, dude. The only things I don't really listen to are heavy metal and screamo type stuff, but it doesn't mean I hate it. One of my best friends is pretty into music like that and I'll listen to it with her and let her teach me about artists or bands in that space. I think it's important to be present and genuinely support the interests and passions of people I really care about, especially because those who were meant to care about me aren't that present at all and basically just shit on mine.

What are you looking forward to in the next month?

Nothing. I can't even say Christmas. I hate it.

Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to?

Anyone I wish I could genuinely spill my guts to about certain things wouldn't listen or care, so I likely won't bother ever again.

When was the last time you painted a picture?

With my Nan when I was a kid. It's still hanging in my place. She let me put my name on the canvas, but she had a heavy hand in how well it turned out. I'm not a very skilled artist in that sense at all. She was.

Where is the person you have feelings at right now?

Home, asleep or just waking up.

Can you drive? When did/do you get your license?

No. I never will.

Have you ever had to get braces?

Leg ones, not on my teeth.

What brand and flavor was the last gum you chewed?

Mint.

Are you happy with your relationship status?

It's an open relationship. I agreed to that and it's a long story I'm not gonna get into here. I don't completely hate it, but I would prefer it to be closed and just her and I. That's how we used to be and just what I would personally prefer. I love her more than I hate the open aspect of things, and our relationship is healthy and going well on the whole.

What did you have for lunch today? Was it good?

I don't really have set meals. I just eat when I'm hungry or when I wake up. The first and only thing I've eaten so far today is bacon and cheese on toast with mayo.

Which one: chocolate chip or sugar cookie?

Sugar cookies.

Who was the last person that you sincerely apologized to?

I don't know. I have a tendency to over apologize a little bit. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely at fault for something and it was warranted.

Do you like the smell of gasoline? Why or why not?

I do.

Do you like the color orange? Is it your favorite?

No. It's probably my least favorite next to yellow. I do think orange cats are pretty cute, though.

What kind of ice cream did you last eat?

I don't remember. I don't eat it very often. I have to be in the mood for it. I'm not the biggest fan.

What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs?

I'm usually not too big on hot dogs either, tbh. But if I do eat one I'll usually just put mayo on it.

Have you ever been in a spelling bee?

In school as a kid.

Do you enjoy talking on the telephone? Who do you talk to the most?

Yeah, but I hardly ever hear other people's voices generally. I talk to babe on the phone, if anyone. Sometimes dad, but not often.

Do you think the last person you texted is attractive?

No.

Does it bother you when people don’t answer questions with exact answers?

If it's something that requires an exact answer, yeah.

Do you know how to snap your fingers?

Yeah.

In what order do you get ready in the mornings?

If I'm showering when I get up, I make sure I feed Nippy her wet and dry foods and clean her boxes first, take a shower, get out, put on deodorant, underwear, pants, bra/top, brush my hair, brush my teeth. If I choose to skip the shower that day it's basically the same, but minus that part and going straight to food and/or coffee after getting dressed.

When did you last cry? What for?

I cry pretty much daily. Sick of some of the things my disability causes me to deal with, depressed and anxious about having to move.

Where were you at 9:18 this morning?

Asleep.

When was the last time you consumed alcohol? Last night.

The 2nd to last person you texted, how did you meet them?

Elementary school.

Do you call it a crush, or do you just say you like someone?

Neither. I say I love her because it's way more serious than like or a crush.

Have you been drunk in the last week?

No.

What’s your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

I just eat when I'm hungry or when I wake up, which isn't always at the same time or in the early mornings, but if I do want breakfast type food, it's often eggs or something with eggs incorporated.

[pussyhoundspock]

while i think cobra kai's season one question of 'what if johnny was the good guy/what happened to johnny lawrence' is a really really good question and a really really fun one that led to some great stuff i think it also created insanely horrible themes and messaging from cobra kai considering that in the karate kid movies cobra kai & cobra kai philosophy were stand ins for the us military industrial complex and attitude towards foreigners and other countries. like johnny can still be a sympathetic compelling protagonist with a different perspective on the situation without going as far as cobra kai has gone in endorsing his viewpoint to the point that with the kreese flashbacks and everything it GENUINELY seems to be asking like what if the us military were the real victims in the vietnam war.

i mean season 1 of cobra kai was fun because it recognized that daniel & mr miyagi were right about the dangers of the cobra kai philosophy and motto -- that teaching people that they are entitled to power and empowered to do whatever they want as long as they are physically dominant is like. bad, actually. aggression isn't bad but kreese's cobra kai -- and the version johnny teaches in season 1! -- is.

the point is getting away from me here but i just truly do hate how they've taken a really fun idea and a character i love (johnny) and now are using him to accidentally or intentionally send messages that i disagree with so strongly on an ideological level about the us military. also the ease at which everyone in cobra kai is forgiven for doing some truly truly heinous things. is like. very 'well everyone has a backstory and makes mistakes' which makes sense with their treatment of johnny lawrence but what about. everyone actually has responsibility for their actions and should take accountability for what they chose and who they hurt.

[traumatizedjaguar]

What I learned from my spiritual journey (I give credit to God, the creator of everything)

and what I need to teach you all:

you are not defined by your thoughts and feelings

duality is an illusion (only love exists on the other side)

death is an illusion

time is an illusion

we are all divine (we just limit our senses and abilities for certain reasons)

everyone has a purpose, it all eventually comes back to love or experience and knowledge

hell does not exist

the physical plane plane is a school, not a courtroom

its not judgement day, its correction day

every single soul gets a life review and you feel everything from the others perspective

Jesus Christ is very real (he does not condemn)

We all have lived multiple lifetimes as different people (reincarnation).

Everything you do effects everything and everyone so choose wisely.

Vibrations makes up our energy or consciousness and your thoughts, intentions, and behaviors dictates where your energy vibrates

We are loving, virtuous, emotional beings of LIGHT

Virtues determine where and how you vibrate

the higher your vibrations, the brighter your light

Unconditional love is all that matters

We are apart of a collective consciousness (meaning I'm you, you're me, we are all divine; I am apart of your consciousness and you're all apart of mine; you're emotions are mine and mine is yours, I know all your thoughts, intentions and actions or life you lived and what happened to you from each lifetime you've had and you know all of mine... because that's what love is, full acceptance and vulnerability).

We are all accepted by all other souls and by God, we are not judged, we are all honored on the other side (YOU are honored in your own uniqueness as a soul).

Even when you think what you do is private and affects nobody... it it does; even your thoughts can affect others across the country through the energy grid/collective consciousness. We all have access to all information (we are made in God's image btw - omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent in spirit, etc)

The universe is literally created from the single source energy that is unconditional love so everything we do must line up with that.

We are made in God's image.

There is an energy grid that makes up everything and we're all connected to it and each other and effected by everything that others put into it.

My human philosophy I personally learned was prideful and wrong/immoral. Meaning I took advantage of using human opinion to make harmful choices or harmful opinions as my human philosophy did not add up to love.

Focus your energy on compassion toward the victim of something rather than your anger/hate toward the other side. Ask yourself this: do you genuinely want to help the cause you're 'fighting' for? Revenge is inherently illogical and is known only for the power-trip, revenge is ignoring the cause you supposedly care about, while focusing on helping the cause will only support the ones who need it around you. There's psychology studies to back this up. And vibrations from souls (science we've yet to come to understand) that back this up, you diminish the vibrations of many others making them worse, people all around you and it goes out into the universe by behaving on power-trips.

realizing what God taught me or led me to allowed me to gain more healing in my trauma and not want revenge on my abusers/everyone in my blood line bc its truly not justified for me to get revenge on them nor was it justified for them to abuse me in the first place.

when we gain this knowledge back we have an obligation to teach and share

[robins-den]

ROBIN THIS ROBO KY SONG ACTTUALLY SLAPS SO HARD genuinely the exact kind of shit i want to listen to while i do homework. lmfao. is this a distorted remix of a different song or did the song just come into existence sounding like this

okay so! Ky's theme of 'Holy Orders' is based off of Robo-Ky's theme 'Holy Orders?'. This is a representation of how Robo-Ky questions everything told to him, including those Holy Orders given to him, by those superior to him. Ky, meanwhile, as the leader of the police and then king of illyria, is the one passing down these Holy Orders. And yet he still needs to question them. He doesn't. Also Ky's theme sounding normal and pleasant to a regular person symbolizes how he desperately wishes to stay lovable and palatable to the people around him, as seen in one of his Guilty Gear XX endings.

It's wild. He pushes himself deep into respectability to make up for the fact that he's in love with a Gear, a being that the entire world hates and is in terror of. He believes that if he can become perfect and respectable enough, then he can achieve the 'points' needed to be happy with his Gear girlfriend-cum-wife and others will be fine with it. This is a metaphor for when queer people try and shove other queer people under the bus in order to appease the hetero-normative majority. Ky Kiske actually comes out as a trans woman in Strive (using he/him around because I honestly forgot and I'm so tired), completing her character arc of learning that some people can never be happy with you and you have to work your energy for people who need it. It's really nice. She's still King of illyria because they went through like ten country shattering disasters in the last 2 years and they can't afford to rebrand everything.

Robo-Ky teaches him that no matter how hard you work, some people will never love you, and the sooner you accept that the sooner you can start working for the people who WILL love you in Guilty Gear 2: Overture, the 17th game in the series. It's very touching, where Robo-Ky reconciles with him for killing his only friend and Ky desperately pretends that he has any idea what he's talking about.

okay so apparently ky ABANDONS 'holy orders' in strive. just another example of why its the worst game in the series (im joking i literally dont care about that game other than venom and his bakery and also delilah as a concpt). Robo-Ky never abandoned 'Holy Orders?' proving that it's truly his theme. also look at how many rivalry themes he has. he needs a WEDDING THEME that plays whenever he FIGHTS his BELOVED WIFE. why do you need so many rivalry themes with your father-in-law. whats the story there (i know what the story is there)

here's a playlist i grabbed with all of kys themes

i have not vetted them for quality. and here's a playlist of all the iterations of Holy Orders

it is so unorganized. but it has robokys theme. which is important.

ANYWAY YOU KNOW ROBO-KY'S KOREAN THEME ALREADY BUT OTHERS DON'T.

Dizzy Valentine's (Ky's Gear girlfriend/wife) theme. There's an official version up that's way different and way fucking worse.

Millia Rages theme. I love her so much my beautiful beautiful lovely complexly written and beautifully conceptualized wife

OH HOLY ORDER SOL ALSO FUCKS HARD. This is Ky's father in law back when he worked for the church as a crusader.

This isn't Guilty Gear but it's super good for only having 870 views

And yeah! There is your music, along with your Guilty Gear lore! please ask me if you want elaboration on anything or want more guilty gear music I live to talk about it.

[autisticempathydaemon]

What is your Enneagram type? Is a type 9w1, but also really resonate with 4.

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? History. I love history. Tell me all the most random obscure factoids about our past that will impress but likely amount to nothing.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) Caelum. No hate to the little cutie, but he really reminds me of the kids I used to teach back when I worked at a preschool. I loved them to death, but there's a reason I'm not a teacher anymore. Also Ollie. No hate, just no interest.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. Phantom of The Opera. My first musical love.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? Sam. There's something comforting about his accent. I'm a Texan, born and raised. I feel a kindredship with him. His frustrations when he finds "Darlin's" pantry and fridge empty is so southern, I felt seen in my heart of hearts. (Still wanna date him tho...)

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) It's either ADHD, Christian theology and apologetics, or history. No inbetween.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. "I pray at my altar of slush, yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush." Before Gavin, Heathers converted me to the cult of the 7-11 Slushie.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. Beauty and the Beast Broadway OST. Trying to learn the part of Belle. Why? No reason.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why? Heathers. A musical that features underage drinking, sex, suicide attempts, and murder! Heaven forbid!

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! I love research and learning, but it does have to be on my own terms. I'm also really painfully shy at first, and I'm horrible at remembering...anything really. I love listening to people nerd out around or to me, because I love that they feel comfortable enough to not worry what I'll think of their passions, even if it's something I have no personal interest in.

Okay, now hear me OUT, lend me your ear. I’m thinking “shy introvert meets comfort extrovert” vibes. I’m thinking “musical theater nerd meets EDM raver” gap couple vibes. I’m thinking Hudson.

The little ways the two of you contrast would be so cute in a relationship. Like, I don’t think Hudson would be a musical theater guy at least at first, but he likes when you sing it, plays your favorite songs on the station when he knows you’re on the road and listening. He knows nothing about history, but he always has a new documentary picked and queued for when y’all destress after your days at work.

Then there’s the big ways. Hudson knows you’re shy, but radio hosts are skilled at getting people to talk, at letting people know how genuinely interested they are. Hudson knows 9w1’s can be more inclined to listen, to blend in, to mediate, but he is always there to make sure to listen to you and to sing your praises when you stand out.

Song:

All I wanna do is get to holdin' you/ And get to knowin' you/ And get to showin' you/ And get to lovin' you

I’m talking a lot about Hudson being sweet, which he is, but he’s also a fuckin menace. He loves that you’re from Texas, especially if you have an accent, and play the most ludicrous country music around the house to get you to dance with him.

Runner-Ups:

If I were to pair shy with shy, introvert with introvert, you and Geordi would be a darling match. He could benefit a wonderful, patient listener, and I think he’d take you to any musical you want, even if he’s not a fan. Guy, in my head and in my heart, I know to be a musical theater boy. I think he could play a fun, devil may care Danny Zuko or Sandy across you, and he’d have a great time.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

Note: back to our regularly scheduled positivity 💕

[pinkopansy]

A little under a week ago a teenage girl was murdered by two other teenagers. Everyday since we learn more about how important and loved she was by her family and friends, how she supported local trans youth access medical care in a country aggressively stamping down on trans people’s healthcare, and how she was harassed and bullied for her gender and sexuality for far too long before her life was taken. 

Her death is now being investigated as a potential hate crime but the fact that it wasn’t from the start is laughable. A trans child was killed violently, in a country with a political and media landscape that has been relentless in its hostility and fear-mongering towards trans people (especially transfeminine people). She was misgendered and deadnamed by UK media outlets following her death. 

Trans people in the UK are and have been in danger for a long time now, in the past five years hate crimes against us have increased by 249% with 4,355 reported incidents. I can’t fathom how much of an underestimate that is, trans people in the UK likely have a very rational distrust of the police and state that has been core in perpetuating our oppression. 

Teenagers shouldn’t be killing each other. How much hate has been manufactured towards us for these events to occur?

When trans people speak against the free advertising of fandom and discourse surrounding the stupid wizard shit this is why. Children are being killed and you can’t pass up a fucking video game? Get some fucking perspective. JK Rowling puts her money towards media coverage and legislation that deprives us of healthcare, teaches the ignorant to hate us, worsens our suicidality, and ultimately upholds the type of rigid cisheteropatriarchy that makes life a limiting and violent hell for all but the worst people. I genuinely don’t give a shit if you buy or play the game, but shut the fuck up about it. This woman and her creations don’t need your free press. 

Best wishes to Brianna’s family and friends in this time of mourning, she deserved a long and fulfilling life and a world that wants the same for all youth. 

[synesindri]

i hope this isn’t an intrusive question but do you think it’s worth getting your phd?

not an intrusive question at all! for me personally? yes, definitely! a lot goes into that though.

(this is my perspective as someone in a US doctoral program, some things that shape my opinions are different or irrelevant in other countries)

for one thing, i just genuinely really enjoy what i do day to day in the program, so it feels like a good way to spend 5+ years for that alone. a lot of people do phd programs because they need the degree for the jobs they want afterwards, but they don't like grad school. conversations i have with my peers in that position make it sound like they think it's worth it, but they have to remind themselves pretty much daily of why it's worth it, because they hate the process. by contrast, i just. think grad school is fun. it's hard in different ways from how college is hard, and it's isolating, and there's a lot of pressure because everyone around you is high-achieving, and you have to be super self-directed and deal with a lot of Academics With Issues all the time, and you're never really sure what is expected of you and whether it's expected of you right now or at some indefinite point later in the future when someone will randomly tell you "you're doing great but i notice that you've never done [huge thing you've never heard of], which makes you look kinda bad lol," and you spend a lot of time having existential crises.

but. i don't mind all that lol. i'm enthusiastic about what i'm researching, and i like being in a place with a lot of academic and artistic resources, and i like being around people who care about learning and share a lot of my values, and people here mostly get it about my pronouns/queerness in ways that i've had more trouble with in other kinds of settings, and tbh i enjoy the particular stresses of academia. so, on a day-to-day basis i'm having fun, which makes it feel more worth it to me than stuff that pays better or where you can see more immediate payoffs of your work or whatever.

(i'm also lucky that i'm in a department that has a good and supportive culture, which helps a TON. plus i love my advisor and have a great working relationship with her. that's huge. people who have bad relationships with their advisors have a much worse time and it's probably a lot less worth it for them)

financially, i'm in a field that is able to pay me in exchange for teaching. it's a kind of pathetic amount of money, but it at least takes care of most of my basic living expenses. that isn't the case for everyone in every field at every school, though, and the financial hit of making little to know money for at least a handful of years is definitely something to consider. i'm not guaranteed a job in my field after i finish the program, but there's a pretty good chance i'll be able to find something that pays me decently well when i'm done, which makes it somewhat more tolerable to be making so little now — the less security people feel that they'll be able to find something that pays better when they're done makes a huge impact on how worth it it probably feels to people. i also worked for a few years while living with family before starting my phd program, so i have a bit of savings to fall back on when the money i get from teaching can't cut it. people who come straight out of college are in a totally different position from me, especially depending on their field, and that will make a huge difference as to whether it's worth it.

the years spent working were also at a university, so i had a really good feel for what being in this environment would be like and if i could stand it for 5+ more years. it gave me some time to figure out if grad school was really the move for me, what kinds of jobs it would set me up for, if i would enjoy it while i was doing it, what things i needed in a program to be happy in it, etc. so that helps make it worth it; i picked a thing i knew i would like and that i knew would set me up for various trajectories i was interested in after finishing the program.

doctoral programs definitely give people a lot of skills, regardless of the type of program...whether that means that people will end up able to do things with those skills that they like/care about/value is a question. whether they really had to be in a phd program to get those skills is another question. but you sure will get hella skills lol

i also just. idk. value what i do. it's kind of fiddly little bullshit but i think it matters. or, i think it could matter. or, i don't care about things mattering as much i should. or, it matters to me. something related to that. anyway, that helps a lot too :p

[mariascolombialitblog]

Reflections on a Year of Reading Colombia Literature 

Titles read

No One Writes to the Colonel

Chronicle of A Death Foretold

Love in the Time of Cholera

When I had the time to pick my country, I picked Colombia. I thought it would be different but still similar to the country where I come from Guatemala. I wanted to learn more about a country I had heard so many good things about and expand my knowledge about a different culture. After reading my second book, Chronicle of A Death Foretold, by Gabriel Garcia, Marquez I realized that Colombian literature is about the tragic events that happen in daily life.  No One Writes to the Colonel made me think things through about the way Spanish governments handle stuff and how they take advantage of genuine people. I learned about Colombia’s politics by only reading half of a book, that’s how much a book can teach you. Every detail in the books also shows the beauty Colombia brings and the way people handle issues. Picking Colombia was the right choice for me because it gave me the right idea of how their culture is and how Gabriel portrays it. 

What I learned from reading Colombia literature is that we’re so blinded by the beautiful colors the country shows us that we never get to think about what people actually go through behind those beautiful walls. I also learned how good Gabriel Gracia’s literature is at explaining what a person struggles with especially their love lives. In the book, Love in the Time of Cholera, Marquez talks about Florentino and his struggle in his love life. All the wars he had to go through just to find Fermina again. Just to find out that an illness was going to keep them together for the rest of their lives. From that book, I learn that if it’s meant to be then it’ll come back to you. 

Chronicle of A Death Foretold was my favorite book. It explains the struggle of a ma, Santiago,  who was only trying to find love but found it at the wrong time and at the wrong spot which cost him his life. He only wanted love towards Angela, never hate, so he never expected to be killed by his genuine intentions. Everyone in the town that he lived in knew he was going to get killed but him. I learn from this book to be careful who you trust and who you’re vulnerable with. 

No one writes to the Colonel was a book I didn’t get to finish but taught me enough about the Colombian government. A colonel who served time for the Colombian government was promised a check which he never received and caused him to be into poverty along with his wife. His struggles to be heard and to receive what he deserved showed how good of a man he was. He still tried to find ways to gain money back and get himself and his wife out of poverty. This book taught me to never give up and always keep trying but to watch who you trust.

During this time of reading, I learn that in every reading the image that the author provides brings you to a scene as if you were part of the story as well and that’s what persuades the reader. I realized how good reading is to understand other people’s personalities and the way they deal with things. Reading made me expand my knowledge and create an open mind for myself. Taking that time out of my day to also expand my vocabulary has helped me in my personal world. I also learned how to be open-minded about learning about other cultures because it’s not always what you think it is.