#i genuinely dont want that for my own sanity

[yonpote]

Gaming channel suggestion: Dan and Phil react to the Phan Timeline. The revenue from that video alone would pay off their whole mortgage

💀💀 god no

[neofelis----nebulosa]

Po and Tigress's relationship is so funny because they're written like a queerbait couple but like. its a male character and a female character. like theres some stuff that is obviously written in a way that can be interpreted as romantic but like the movie never actually backs it up with any further development of a romance between the two. there's always that plausible deniability so they dont actually have to follow up on it.

[bonefall]

Did you man beam Drizzle? If so, why not just pair up Rustle with Cranberry instead? I get for the amazing ship name but I'm curious about the choice /gen

I totally forgot Drizzle's original gender, but also, I really don't want to overthink it. I'm so tired of overthinking it. I wanted CranberryDrizzle funny ship name and it was getting exhausting to plan out where every pairing in several hundred cats would be getting their kits from

Rustle is going to die at some point after having two QR kittens, and Cranberrydrizzle is going to have 2 important litters (Sunstrike and Emberfoot in the first, Fernstripe in the second). I have done an exhausting amount of work (weeks of planning and hours of work at a time, scouring the wiki and facebook screenshots, redrawing tangles, reading through suggestions, writing out full posts of changes and creating new groups with their own histories) untangling broken fragments of family trees and like... I'm tired. No more shuffling. I deserve Funny Ship Name. is this too much to ask

Boy Drizzle is just the easiest answer. I'd like for Drizzle to just be transfem but I was also told to avoid cats being trans just to have kits, which is ALSO frustrating me at this point, I don't like this weight of "perfect representation" that's being put on me when I'M not even perfect representation as a living human queer.

Do I let Drizzle be transfem and "break a rule," or change them to a boy and "lose" a lesbian pairing? It feels gross to me to have fallen into a mindset where I'm treating queer relationships like quotas or rigid rulesets

I feel like if I 'get something wrong' (like forget the gender of a Missing Kit or a side character, or handwave 'where did these kits come from' with 'trans/queen's rights' without considering a real secret surrogate) I'm going to get smacked upside the head and be forced to hyperfocus on one small part of a massive project when I already have a million other things to work on.

So unfortunately the most honest answer I can probably give is that im tired. I'm really tired. Overthinking minor details before making every single tumblr post is draining me. I forgot the missing kit's original author-assigned gender and didn't scroll to the bottom of Onestar's wiki page to check it before posting. I like the ship name. Cranberrysplash somehow gets pregnant twice, but I was told to avoid trans bioparents, yet doing that is making things even harder after I had to do weeks of work to make a good tree in the first place

I'll figure out Drizzlefall's gender when they become relevant in some context

[altruistic-meme]

the internal debate as to whether or not i want to deal with going to thanksgiving is very strong and its genuinely like. a close call.

[impostorsshow]

I love watching Tears of the Kingdom memories out of order /sarc /lh

It took my around 100 hours to even find out the tears were a thing and wondering wtf my mom was talking about when I kept asking for help on what to do but that aside, I had seen #1 and #2 in order, tried to find Tabatha stable for a good 2 hours and then decided to go take a break and got hit with #8, WHICH WAS LIKE GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN

#1: :0 time travel wow oh wait your my old grandparents

#2: "let's go to the castle dear and get some clean clothes"

#8: SHE'S DEAD AND GANON IS IN POWER AND YOUR FUCKING WIFE IS DEAD AND ITS YOUR FAULT RAARU

Also there's 18 memories?? Damn how the fuck is it gonna sucker punch me more than that fucking 180 in story but aside from that i. I really wish it gave you a little way to back out, like it tells you the memory of what your about to watch and if you wanna do it later, I wanted to watch them in order TT AND I STILL HAVENT FOUND TABANTHA STABLE

[anxi-aashi]

ok i dont have the energy to put this into a fic rn but i CANT stop thinking about college au! childe almost walking in on you while you're getting yourself off.

like he'd still knock of course, but it would scare the absolute shit out of you. instead of hanging out with your roommates that he's friends with (who are most certainly NOT gathered in your room) he'd be all "hey pookie can i come bother you I'm bored," while you're fully sat on a dildo.

and bc you wouldnt want to seem suspicious, you'd say sure, just a sec! and immediately run to throw the sopping wet toy into your bathroom sink before letting him in.

and he's just too observant for his own good. "hey you ok? you seem out of breath" yeah because you were.... working out! "really? you're not sweating though?" CHILDE DROP IT OMFG but he wouldn't. he just asks so many goddamn questions and you honestly can't tell if he's just fuckign with you or if he's just genuinely concerned for you. what were you doing? pilates? so thats why you're walking a bit weird? how tf were you not sweating after pilates? oh you just started? well sorry to interrupt!

yeah.... you're sorry too -_-

but hes here now so you offer to watch a movie and hang out, nevermind the cum threatening to run down your leg. "sure! you pick smth out and ill go to the bathroom real quick!" he says and curse your post-orgasm clouded mind for not being quick enough to warn him bc now he's standing in front of you, dildo in his hand, looking at you knowingly.

youre mortified obviously. the two of you are cordial but not THAT close and god you can almost picture the slick and cum that's smearing all over his hand now. why is he holding it for fucks sake???

childe wouldnt be merciful either -- this is a fucking gold mine for him. "well, i guess this is a workout" and you would like the earth to swallow you up so that you don't have to look at him with that shit-eating grin that's creeping up his face.

hed switch the dildo to his other hand and start opening and closing his fingers together, making webs of cum string in between. "you said you just started?" no, you'd have to refute, that part was a lie.

"and you were getting off with this?" and now WHAT was that supposed to mean bc there was truly nothing wrong with the dildo size!!! it was perfectly fine, it did its job. sure it could be a tad bit longer, but you had bills to pay. he lets it go (with a judgemental eyebrow raise), but when he opens his mouth again to ask "what were you doing?" you almost wish he had kept making fun of your tiny ass toy. "were you using your hands or the suction cup?"

god he'd have a dangerous look on his face by now, lidded eyes looking at you like you were gonna be his next meal; pitching his voice just a tad bit lower just to see you squirm.

"you don't have to answer, but i would really, really like to know." aaaaaand there it goes. there's goes the last bit of your sanity bc huhh?? huuuuhh??? dear lord i would fully melt into a puddle we love a man that can make consent sexy.

fuck it, right? yeah, you were using the suction cup. "yeah? you like riding dick?" SHFBAN;DNSJF;F GODDDD

"you got any other toys?" yes sirrr yes I do, got a vibrator right over there in the nightstand. and duh now he's gotta follow up with "ever use both?"

which you have. who hasn't? but you usually only use it for quickies, you say. don't want it to be over too fast, ya know?

but then. thennnnnn he'd hit you with this: "you still horny?"

lorddddd you have NO idea, but you don't say that lest it get to his head (but lets be honest, he knows what he's doing; he knows how desperate he's making you). so he walks up to you, finally, and hands you your dildo, all sticky and starting to dry by now.

"well don't stop on my account."

and he plops down on your bed, manspreading just the tiiiiiniest bit to where you can see the tent in his pants.

which is how you find yourself back in your desk chair, thighs burning from fucking yourself on a dildo you now know is much smaller than whatever childe is packing while he just watches, palming his cock over his pants.

anyways gonna go work on my wips now lolololololololoolo

[melobin]

“i love all 7 not just one” yet ur so dismissive abt a certain member which clearly isn’t loving all 7 goofy ass. no wonder ur friends with ninona 🤣 both y’all r ot6ers

me when i’m onto nothing the fact you can sit and assume you know how i genuinely feel about ot7 riize is crazy to me. you can continue to think what you want to because i can assure you both ninona and i do not gaf !! im far past the point of caring if people think i negatively of me over the situation with seunghan !! i know i love seunghan ! my friends know it too ! i do not gaf if random people on the internet think differently bc frankly why should i ? i run a smut blog girl im just here to talk about cock 99% of the time 😭

if i’m being completely honest here. i feel like people seem to struggle to grasp the concept that people handle things in their own ways. i’m a very sensitive and emotional person and over the years ive been trying to deal with that in a way where i don’t get hurt so easily. i’ve been dealing with severe anxiety for years i have chronic depression if i sat and thought about seunghan’s hiatus every day i would be completely miserable and worried and that’s not how i want to be i want to be okay i want to feel okay.

grief has never been something i ever get too emotional over it just doesn’t happen, of course it’s sad to not see him there but the way i handle things doesn’t mean i dislike him in anyway shape or form and i’m frankly quite tired of having to explain myself about this. at the end of the day, if seunghan returns it’ll be one of the best things to happen, it’ll make me incredibly happy, i don’t talk about my emotions often but if you want the truth there it is. if he, god forbid, ends up being removed from riize then it will hurt me and i will be upset. i’d rather spend his hiatus in a middle group of knowing there’s realistically a 50/50 chance of him returning and him not rather than sitting and getting my hopes up only to be hurt and upset after.

the way i deal with this hiatus is for my own benefit and my own sanity, i don’t want to be sad all the time, i just barely made it out of a depressive episode and i know if i sat and dwelled on him being on hiatus then i probably wouldn’t have made it out of it. the way i treat the other 6 members is the same way i treat seunghan, i feel the same way about them all, it’s just not as simple to show that when he’s not in gifs or videos or photos.

writing about him is not as easy because i haven’t seen him for months and as time has gone by the other 6 have become more visibly comfortable and free on camera and we never got to see that with him. i love writing for him, his porn plot fic is one of my favourite fics ive written and im always happy to write for him. i just tend to write more for sungchan and eunseok because those are the members i am more sexually attracted to, im a slut man idk what you want me to say. people rarely send asks about seunghan, they’re mainly about sungchan and anton and there’s nothing i can do about that. if people send asks about him, i answer them? if they don’t then i dont, i can’t answer something that isn’t there.

i don’t mean to post such a long rant but frankly i’m just tired of having to say the same thing over and over. no, i don’t care if you think badly of me over it, i don’t care for people who think they know how i feel about something and act as if their opinion is the be all end all. so thank you for sending this so i could freely express my feelings about this.

and DAWG leave ninona out of this as well !!! she expressed why she doesn’t write for him and i touched on my own feelings about writing for seunghan. i never once viewed her in a negative way, she’s one of the funniest people ive had the pleasure of befriending and no, she doesn’t hate seunghan either !

[f1rewalk3r]

i dont talk about being NPD pretty much ever because why would i lol but i wanted to bring it up specifically in this context:

Jimmy is my favorite character from Mouthwashing.

I don’t want or intend to excuse his actions- his assault of Anya is the literal catalyst for the story- but I don’t believe he’s a “bad person” because I don’t believe in the ontological distinction between “good” and “bad” people. Pulling a page from BoJack Horseman- there are only good and bad actions. And Jimmy makes a lot of really awful decisions! But fuck, I think he is so well written when he makes these bad choices. Again, not attempting to excuse or downplay him raping Anya- I myself have been the victim of some pretty shitty stuff. But I’ve also perpetuated some pretty shitty stuff. So here’s a narcissist’s perspective of a narcissist:

I think it’s possible to recognize and atone for shitty choices. However, it can be difficult, especially for a narcissist, to recognize the consequences of their actions in the immediate context of making them. He crashes the ship because he is faced with the fact that his post as co-pilot will mean nothing after the layoff. Meanwhile, the heroic leader of a crew stranded in space? That’s something. Something that almost certainly will overshadow the inevitability of Anya immediately reporting him the second the cargo run is over, and, better a hero or a castaway then an unemployed rapist, right? He didn’t mean to horrifically maim curly, but hey; he’s captain now! What good luck! And with Curly unable to speak, the entire Responsibility can be placed on him for the crash.

There’s something to be said also for the conversation he and Curly have just before the crash. He tells Curly that he was supposed to be responsible for everything. He was supposed to take care of it. Here’s the thing about narcissists- we’re really good at avoiding responsibility. So his rape of Anya isn’t his fault, not *really*- Curly was supposed to be responsible! But now Jimmy has all the responsibility. So he starts making choices- and they aren’t good ones.

I don’t think he wanted or expected Daisuke to be horribly maimed by the vent- in fact, I would expect a totally delusional mindset that he would totally be fine crawling through the vent to be very in character for Jimmy or any other narcissist. But obviously he won’t do it himself. He doesn’t want to put himself in danger- but very likely, he believes that Daisuke is simply the better choice due to his training.

I don’t think many of Jimmy’s bad actions (that we see over the course of the game) are conscious ones. He’s simply acting in line with his worldview. You see, here’s the thing about narcissism- having low or no empathy kind of sucks, actually! That’s not just me playing the victim (admittedly something narcissists are wont to do) - when you have low empathy, it’s incredibly difficult to believe that other people do. So when he tells Daisuke that Swansea is saving the last pod for himself- that’s not him consciously manipulating Daisuke. It is a very obvious manipulation, but Jimmy genuinely believes that Swansea intends to use the pod for himself- because it’s exactly what he would do if he was in Swansea’s position, and that in of itself is enough for him to vilify Swansea.

Similarly, I don’t think he intended to cause Daisuke suffering by disinfecting him with the mouthwash- we, as the player, remember Anya saying it’s useless as disinfectant- but that’s because it’s been mere hours for us, while for Jimmy, it’s been months. He genuinely believes it will help Daisuke.

We get to see a lot of his own rationalization with his donneresque dinner party and his conversation with Curly- as long as someone survives, he can be a hero, he can gain public recognition and respect- what more could a narcissist want? I mean, I’m a semipro musician- I would fucking know.

When his sanity starts to slip, and he’s attacked by horrific monstrosities - that’s a subconscious manifestation of his guilt. Until the end, he is unable to reflect at all- but that doesn’t stop the subconscious from seeing through the artifice of ego.

To the last moment, his directive is to “take responsibility,” and in his own twisted way, he does! He does in the most selfish way. When he finally recognizes the last step he can take to fix everything, it is the most selfish one of all. It is his last resort- not one he chooses earlier, although he perhaps could have and spared the crew plenty of suffering. I think it’s powerful that his last words are that he can fix everything- because he really could have, if he had just gotten off the Bad Choice road.

This post is far too personal and far too meandering at this point- so I’ll leave it at this. Jimmy is a man who does some truly monstrous, unforgivable things, and I love him. He’s my favorite.

[dukeofdelirium]

it’s genuinely hilarious enough to be its own copypasta lmao. They really pulled a literal “I’m literally neurodivergent and a minor, you can’t disagree with me” card 🤣:

“listen, i am an autistic student in 7th grade and have just dealt with someone arguing with me about a previous post i made (i will keep them anonymus). They added a point about me being autistic which is extremely RUDE. I have read fics with other fandoms for sus gay stuff and was completely FINE with it. I dont know why they are trying to argue with me. It is also rude for them to say that I can't watch Stranger Things for being uncomfortable with one thing! They cannot control me and my choices (as my therapist says). Besides, it is utterly pointless to argue about stuff to do with gay sus stuff and makes me question my sanity. Sure you might think i am homophobic but it is the oposite. Just leave me alone and let me be.

people change you know, and I am working on it. It takes time. Besides, the primary audience is teens and adults. I just want to live in piece. And Stranger Things is a special intrest of mine and I just want to be happy.

#rude people suck

#autism

#sexphobic

#stranger things

#keep your opinions to yourself”

lmfao that’s so funny

“They made a previous point about me being autistic” yeah I said you having autism doesn’t give you the right to say borderline homophobic stuff

Why the hell are they talking about sexual things and labeling it “sus” ???? Sus means suspicious lmao. Like ???? Today on Words Mean Things. More news at 11 tune in

Saying gay intimacy and sex is weird, suspicious, uncomfortable, nonconsensual and/or illegal etc is homophobic and I’ll call you on it cuz guess what? I’m a gay man and you wanna know what makes ME uncomfortable? Sharing a fandom w ppl like that

And lastly, the primary audience has always been adults. The Duffer brothers themselves have openly said that they made this show for adults, specifically people who were born in or before the time period it’s set. Oh, and it’s *peace.

… what the hell does “sexphobic” mean…? yknow what, I actually just decided I don’t care 😂

[bpdpenguin]

wowww re: your last post about ed’s repression (AND regression) in his relationship with lee…season 4 ed seems so inscrutable and fickle until you realize he’s split so deeply bc of his true feelings for oswald and the need to keep those feelings from being true..

but idk if i 1000% agree that ed is fully merged together again at the end of the series (at least pre-time skip)…i think he wants to believe that, and i think both sides of himself agree on that at the moment. because it’s advantageous for ed to use oswald’s trust in him to further his revenge on..the world, the gcpd, gordon, etc. and he enjoys oswald’s company too, so why not?? he thinks he’s in complete control of the relationship again there in my opinion. the way he’s talking to oswald but looking at himself in the mirror. the brothers line proves oswald won’t make a move and that’s just how ed likes it bc he doesn’t have to admit his own feelings to oswald or himself. he has his blind spots, and they’re getting clearer (the hug, the genuine emotion on ed’s face during it) but idk if he’s like completely There yet you know?

anyway though i also suspect that ed doesn’t get to say a lot of words about their relationship in these later episodes bc of production reasons and that we as the fans are meant to interpret it to our own satisfaction lol!

listen i think you're right i just wanted to tie it up in a nice little bow for my own sanity, bc the gotham finale suggests they've been locked up for 10 years! separately!!! idk how you could lock up the comically skilled 1.) master manipulator and 2.) genius for so long (and i do mean comically skilled) but i do still think ed has to be the one to figure it out and take initiative eventually. so not necessarily right after 5x11, but definitely before the 10 years (again this is for my own sanity dear goddd) so technically "end of the series" but also i personally don't like to think of the finale as canon, so that's where it gets way more interesting... i could be wrong about penguin not wanting to open up but i really dont think so i think this is all on ed JKSFJKJSD

[tanejineri]

HEADS UP!!!

This drawing contains mild gore and limb dislocation on a victim of a fall accident. It is not intended for children or those who are queasy about that sort of thing. There's a dove inside, don't eat it!

Now that those who don't wish to consume this are gone, ahem.

If you wish to make this experience better (or worse for yourself), have some background music! This is what I listened to as I drew all this. If I lose my reputation or people unfollow me IDC this shit was fun even if I myself wanted to throw up.

Anyway, good luck in there soldier.

"The General is Dead"

or is he? [cue moon men by jake chudnow]

did you know im ambitious? im sure you guys could tell by this point im a man with high ego big plans that never get done. welcome to big plan i will never get done number 20 million, a mixed media ao3 creative writing fanfiction that'd probably kill a small animal if it were to try and break it down using its brain

this is just a snippet of a scene i want to have executed possibly. switches from a chaotic writing style to this very solid moment to let you just like. sit in silence and stillness for just a mere moment before it devolves back into the oddities that is this childs mind

obviously if you played the game this scene is for the aftermath of the thunder tower incident, where his ass slipped on a banana peel. the events in this story play out a bit differently, so things arent exactly as you would expect. this is a major turning point in the narrative for cl

in general i dont think people fully process how horrible a fall accident really is, and i wanted to encapsulate that in this drawing. the trauma behind witnessing it, the way the blood slowly pools out of the skull, i wanted to really encapsulate the trauma behind it by mixing a sort of realistic style with the planned generic style of the work

you'll also notice that cl's design is different here. i change his design whenever im writing him for specific concepts or such, if i consider it derivative off of my canon then it gets its own design

the speech bubble is empty because im gonna be using this for testing more css+html tricks in ao3 bcs thats genuinely so fun i highly recommend getting into html + css its an interesting experience

ok thats all the rambling uh sorry you had to see this sorry i have the balls to post this, and if you ignored the warnings and really werent considering your own sanity then thats on you bud LOL ok ciao

[minghaos-girl18]

Seventeen as Renee Rapp Songs

Just because I can (I came up with this idea 2.5 seconds ago)

Seungcheol

Don't Tell My Mom- Now some of y'all gonna hate on me for that, but S.Coups has a lot on his plate and I don't think he shares most of it. And Don't Tell My Mom message is about now wanting to burden a love one with your problems, which gave leader vibes to me.

Jeonghan

World Burn- I don't have much reasoning, except I fully believe Jeonghan would rock as Regina George.

(not that I didn't adore Renee)

Joshua

Pretty Girls- God made men and then sent Joshua as an apology.

Jun

Snow Angel- Junhui is so under appreciated like this man is beautiful (I erased what I originally typed here because *minors*).

Hoshi

Poison Poison- I need Hoshi to feature in this...although it would break my sanity

dont put "what sanity?" in the comments

Wonwoo

What Can I Do- I also need Wonwoo to do a feature in this song...also this is such a sad song, but it gives Wonwoo vibes?? Kinda similar to bittersweet, What Can I Do is about having a crush on a friend.

Also do you guys know how to send I'm sorry notes to fbi agents cause mine listened to me listening to this song on repeat for like a whole day-sapphic crushes y'all 10/10 don't recommend

Woozi

23- Our dearest songwriter Jihoon:) Again I do not have much reasoning except you know...the vibes match

if ya get it ya get it if ya don't...go listen to the song??

Minghao

Not My Fault- Its the vibes y'all ...I'm kidding...well slightly...the vibes do match but also I feel like Minghao definitely would love this song and I for one know for certain that I would in fact leave with him

(again if you know, you know if you don't say it with me "Go listen to the song" good job babes :)

Seokmin

Talk Too Much- Now I know what you are thinking but you are wrong. Talk too much is about getting in your own head. I think Seokmin does that sometimes, so thus this is his allotted song.

Mingyu

Someone gets hurt- In particular, the part where Renee says "People forget I am human too." I think sometimes fans sexualize Mingyu too much. I mean like those fan calls where fans are asking to see his abs?? like that's way too far.

Seungkwan

Meet The Plastics- Still not convinced he didn't help write this song (I feel like Boo either doesn't know this song or knows every word no in between)

Vernon

I hate Boston- I need Vernon on the track. Not really for any particular reason to be honest except...you guessed it... VIBES!

(if y'all wanted actual reasons for these-my bad...contact my FBI agent...I don't have his information if you know tell me I got to send an apology letter...might just hold it up to my laptop camera ngl)

Dino

Bruises- I love Seventeen's dynamic but like sometimes I wonder if Dino gets his feelings genuinely hurt I mean less now and more like early on (like trainees/debut era). Now I don't think his feelings were hurt on purpose, but I mean being the youngest comes with being the root of jokes sometimes. And I understand being kinda upset over a joke.

There you go lovelies, I am so happy you guys decided to stay and read until the end (or maybe you skipped through and read only your biases part-you know who you are). None of these photos are mine and all of the songs are by Renee Rapp, I strongly suggest giving her a listen. Also don't forget to support Seventeen's upcoming album:)

Also, any suggestions on how I should apologize to my FBI agent will be taken with appreciation (and if you have no idea what I am talking about you are one of the lucky ones :)

Toodles.

[1800duckhotline]

i LOVED your comic. while your character work will always be my favorite i love the sense of scale you create with your background art, and i really liked the repetition with aiden and lucia walking down the hallway!! the panel of lucia walking to her chair is also very interestingly done i really like that style! this was a really interesting look into lucia as a character also, i liked all the panels going back and forth between innocent things and the violence, and especially enjoyed how you blurred out the actual killing of that lame guy, and deliberately never show lucia fully in the frames. it leaves this really cool vibe to it, like it hides itself!!! im no comics expert so i dont have much in ways of criticism, but it was easy to read and clear in what it wanted to convey, i think! plus, your prop work is to kill for (hah!)

thank you sm!!! i rly appreciate the feedback, its genuinely my first Completed comic project (not first ever bc ive done many and theyve just never rly seen the light but i am far from studied on how to comics) ... So im glad people have been enjoying it for what it it so far, even tho I had to take many shortcuts to meet the deadline and for my own sanity ahahah. The first draft of Lucia killing Richard was actually more putting the focus on him but when I redrew the scene I thought that it was meh so i blurred it out which made things look way better in retrospect. I'm happy u liked the comic though!!! perhaps more to be true in the future...

[lawtistic]

i need to talk about the death note jdrama SO BAD. and ive been reposting and replying to stuff but it isnt enough to satisfy me so here I am.

I said in a repost that i like to see the jdrama as it's own independent work of art. it works and its good. it's another death note adaptation at it's core, but i like to see it as more than that.

spoilers ahead

i'd like to get the things i dont like about it out of the way first, so i can brainrot about the rest without hesitation afterward.

i didn't like the whole mello being some haunted possessive doll that had a split personality with near. it was random, odd, and i overall didn't like it very much.

misa's annoying, but she's bearable, i guess.

now, onto the things i like.

the characters are not tied to their originals. they're their own independent characters with different dynamics and it makes the characters easier to connect with. in the original, you weren't supposed to connect with the characters, you're just meant to watch them and immerse yourself, and in the jdrama, you can do both.

light has a backstory this time, and it works. in the original, he didn't have a tragic backstory, and that worked as well, and i did like that, i still do, but i also enjoy what the jdrama did with him. light wanted to be a police officer as a kid, but when his mother was murdered and his father was too focused on catching her killer rather than being there for his kids and being present at her death, light lost all hope in that. he wanted to be better than that. because of this, he becomes emotionally distant from his father and their interactions are awkward. (this also sets up a great scene later but ill get to that in a minute shhhshhhshhh) he's a lot more empathetic and genuinely caring than he was in the original, when he only cared when it was convenient. he has friends, he has hobbies, and it still doesnt take away from him being kira, just because the jdrama sets it up differently.

L is a lot more genuinely rude and abrasive. he's a neat freak and while he doesn't keep all of his original quirks, he develops his own unique ones. he's constantly drinking some plastic pouched liquid that not even the characters know the name of (but for my sanity im assuming its those applesauce pouches) and, semi-similarly to the original, lways has to have his feet up on something. when something gets on his shirt, he has watari change it immediately, into a newly ironed duplicate of what he was just wearing, and he does this in front of people in professional situations without caring whatsoever what that could mean for him. he's less socially inept and a lot more snarky and close with the characters, even jumping in the school showers with light on campus at one point to tell him he thinks he's kira. he's also actively maintaining a close relationship with near and mello nd contacting them regularly.

the scenes still hold up, and so does the plot, and yotsuba arc is much shorter and more captivating. it brought the mystery back to it after back to back rewatches of the original, because i had zero clue who was supposed to be higuchi this time. light comes up with his own independent plans entirely different from the original and misa actually has plot relevance.

speaking of misa, she's okay. she's a lot more ditsy and annoying but her overall absence made up for it. she's a jpop idol this time in a band named ichigo berry (i think) and one of her concerts serves as the location for a major plot point and her relationships with different characters makes for some stellar comedic moments.

one of my favorite scenes is the scene between light and soichiro at the beginning of yotsuba arc. soichiro genuinely thought light was kira and he did miss the development and repercussions original soichiro had from that, but this could be excused by the distance between them. regardless, their distance pays off. light, with no memory of the notebook, begs for his life at his fathers hand (misa isnt present but shes also under surveillance, capable of killing, and aware of the situation and honestly thank god because her presence in the scene would have made it so much less impactful) when it's revealed he isn't kira, light breaks down. soichiro tells him everything, and light apologizes to him, melancholic because of the distance, and what he feels like he's put his father through. he vows to take down kira, vows to eliminate his and pay his father back from the turmoil he was surely feeling. soichiro kneels down and hugs his son, tears streaming down light's face. the music is beautiful and the credits roll, panning out to a view of them hugging on the dirty ground in the distance. it was a great impactful scene that greatly setup their relationship to come.

Now, the question everyone's been waiting for. is the jdrama just as homoerotic, despite the dynamic and character changes?

yes.

yes it is.

and here's a list of all the times that got me to say this

for some reason, light's actor could not keep his eyes on L's face and there was a constant of him just looking L up and down very slowly

when they first meet, not only does he look up and down, (something L visually notices and follows his gaze) he just stares at him. he barely utters a word to him. for a good few minutes and just spends a very long time looking at him very intensely, i could hear careless whispers playing. there is a girl standing kind of in between then and she's just looking back and forth at them and it's very funny

in the same scene L whispers something in his ear and light just slowly fixes his gaze on him yet refuses to turn around

they look at each other, just, a lot. whether they're sneaking glances at one another or full on smiling when their eyes meet, theyre just always looking

the shower scene. light also looks him up and down in this scene. that says enough in it of itself

at the concert scene L not only pulls the "you're my only friend" crap and light just looks completely in awe, but also, at the end, L gets dangerously close to his face, turns around and walks away, smirking, and light collapses to his knees. (im aware theres context but i dont care)

the tennis scene isnt special by any means but it just reeks gay energy somehow and i dont know how to explain it

light takes a bullet for L (however this happens in yotsuba arc) and helps him off the ground after its revealed that theyre both fine

the handcuff scene. i dont care if lights on the verge of tears and desperate that scene was fucking gay okay

THE BLUE SCENE. after L takes down the cameras he sits there and practically begs light to confess, and it feels all too genuine. light seems tempted to give in, to tell him everything, and he appears almost reluctant as he tells him he isn't kira, and L just stares. he tells him "...and then i met you, and for the first time, i became interested in a person." they have a conversation where L reveals how he's going to catch light and light is helpless to stop it, and then they start saying this:

L: from my perspective, you're just a hopeless, stupid murderer. light: L... L: ...and you were my only friend. i wish we could have met some other way.

L then slowly walks past him and then if youve watched the jdrama you know what happens after that

you could say L was annoyed with misa because she was annoying but i see it as jealousy he was jealous guys listen to me im telling the truth

after L's death (im aware hes acting but shhhshhh) light runs over and desperately holds his body close to him, screaming, saying it was all his fault, and holds him close enough to where... yeah

yeah.

anyway this is all i have to say, thank you for coming im sorry this was all over the place, i dont have a coherent thought process

[prettyboykatsuki]

extended authors note ; how to be a dog.

WELCOME TO MY TWISTED MIND MOTHERFUCKERS.

that is a joke. i speak in jest. this fic has taken me almost a year to write. it was requested of me in july of 2022 and its currently april 2023. i want to give my highest regards ever to the most lovely and patient human being in this world miss ame. your kind words through updates kept me pushing through the very end and i hope this fic is everything you could want

ok. onto the talking about it stuff.

this fic is pretty dark all things considered. though my scale for that is kind of fucked and since this is my tumblr audience - you people are well-aware it gets bad but its... still pretty graphic. there is a lot of truly henious shit in here and its in the perspective of that guy.

tldr ; don't read if you think it will give you the heebie jeebies. u are not obligated and i am not your mother nor am i a public executioner. if this is the one fic u skip out on no hard feelings at all. i mean this.

this fic is one of Those Fics where writing it did something to my brain. i have never, ever in my entire writing career been so challenged by a single project. every single element of this fic has been run through a million things. the last time this happened was my big deku fic but that fic rlly feels like a cakewalk in comparison.

all that to say, because it has simply been seeing my eyes only for months with no input from anyone else - i have no idea how anything worked out. no beta no meds just balls to the wall insanity. i can only measure my own work so much and i have bar zero expectations for this fic just to save myself some sanity.

i ask very kindly that if it sucks u just dont tell me. and if it doesn't and u want to be nice that'd be cool too. but know that a lot of my heart and soul went into this and i hope in the very least - you are able to discern that in its makeup.

a lot of the stuff ive worked into here is related like. to plot and motif and actual development. the dog motif is a huge part of the story as is the religious imagery. i want this fic to feel like a fall from grace in a sense. it is a character study as much as its anything else. where there's always something wrong and one day everything goes to shit. i think gojo is that kind of sicko.

i also do like. love gojo so much. this fic is written with nothing but adoration for him in mind.

i dont have much to add (said after this absolutely disgusting wall of text) because my tumblr homies r very aware of what shit im up to and this fic is not a surprise to anyone.

but i hope you enjoy it if you do read and even if you don't, thanks for sticking around despite it all. i have been thru the trenches and i will need a bit of break to recuperate once its in the world for good so i hope u can be kind

i am terrible with comments and asks and tags bc it all scares me but i am so genuinely and so unfathomably grateful for all of it and i hope im finally out of my insane writing dry spell.

thanks. lots of love. sincerely yours,

fang.

[awoooooubliette]

i have,,,, a few thoughts about the new discord layout, and im sure you guys do too. i think it is borderline unusable, it is not “intuitive” and “streamlined” or whatever the fuck, and i’m genuinely really angry about it. if you guys AT ALL feel similarly, please send discord some feedback. i just sent some (i will attach my veritable essay of a response after this) and i NEVER do that. i can count the number of times i’ve sent feedback on one hand. but i’m angry, and i feel like it will help, so i did.

verbatim what i sent:

“THIS IS NOT JUST ABOUT AESTHETICS, THAT WAS JUST THE ONE THAT FELT RIGHT.

it doesn’t look like discord anymore, it looks like something else and it’s making me not want to use discord on mobile at all. i downloaded discord on mobile so that i could have something that worked the same as on computer, just smaller. and now it’s gone, the new layout is stressful, the stupid swipe to reply thing got rid of a whole entire facet of how i use discord, and the fact that you CANT CHANGE IT BACK is absolutely ridiculous. at least be smart about it and have the option there and collect data around who does and does not want to use it. additionally, having all the navigation buttons at the bottom was a stupid choice. they were fine where they were. and dms feels like it’s another platform entirely and i dont like it. also i heard from a friend that the “midnight” theme was already already a thing on android? so trying to pass it off as something new is disingenuous to say the least.

another problem is with the pins. the old way of organizing them was good! in this one, you can’t see images, and in dms it doesn’t differentiate between who sent what message. bad design.

ALSO also, the message search/ selecting pins is broken (if it’s on purpose it’s just *bad*). why does it take you to another…. tab, basically, of the same messages? and why whenever you hit the back arrow (even in settings, once, to get out of a section) does it take you all the way back to the main messaging area???

i’m so sorry to whoever has to read this ridiculously long complaint, but you guys fucked up your own site. it is borderline unusable. please do not change the computer version of discord, because i will have to leave for my own sanity and i don’t want to do that. i genuinely love discord but the change is (in the words of a blog i follow) worse than tumblr rolling out tumblr live. and look how much people hated that one.”

and i sent a second bit because i forgot about the stupid ass swiping/reply thing:

“the swiping to reply is redundant, and not being able to see all of the people you’re talking to feels isolating and i can already feel disconnected from the community in some of the larger servers i am in”