#i genuinely can't remember when i was this obsessed with something that it took over so much of my time

[duncantashi]

wow can't believe the 2024 f1 season is done

[pseudowho]

"Fushiguro, be honest--"

Yuuji stood in a freshly pressed suit, crisp and ironed and combed, and held his arms out for Megumi's appraisal.

"--would I make a good first impression in this?"

"No," Megumi intoned, without even looking up from his manga. Yuuji groaned, turning on the spot, his fingers tangling in his peachy hair as he whined, beseeching Megumi.

"Awww, c'mon Fushiguro...Nanami called me. Today's the day."

Megumi stopped reading, looking up with his eyebrows raised. A moment of genuine excitement ran through him as he leaned forwards from his pillows.

"Today? Are you serious? Are they sure?"

Yuuji fizzled, pacing and ruffling his own hair, alight with nervous anticipation.

"Yeah, they're positive-- it started in the night-- I can't stop looking at my phone--"

Megumi interrupted, flat and not to be argued with.

"I'll drive you to the hospital, when Nanami calls you."

Yuuji breathed out a shuddering puff of air, grinning, feet tapping.

"Yeah...okay, yeah. Thanks, Fushiguro."

Only Megumi's eyes softened, at the thrill running off Yuuji's skin. He looked at Yuuji, silently appraising.

While Yuuji had the body of a man, he had not the emotional maturity needed to truly fill the suit and weave it to his soul. A suit is so incongruous on one who is not yet a man. Still, Megumi continued, softer.

"You'll make a good first impression. Not that they'll remember it."

Yuuji's lip puckered up, watching the summer rain patter as he leaned on the windowsill.

"Yeah...but I will."

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"Yuuji." A low, tired rumble on the phone. Yuuji was breathless with anticipation, his heart thick in his chest.

"Da--...Nanamin, is...is it...?"'

"They're fine, they...she's here, it's over, it's...its finally over."

Yuuji felt tears prickle in his nose, having never heard Nanami Kento sound so broken and so complete.

Yuuji took one great sniffle, and nodded hard, grabbing a bouquet of flowers from his desk. Megumi stood, listening intently and grabbing his jacket and keys.

"I--I'll come, I'll be right there, Fushiguro...Fushiguro is driving--"

"Good. Great, I..." Kento's voice sounded thick, and Yuuji's stomach twisted, wishing he could reach through the phone and hold him. Nanami continued, his voice hoarse.

"...I'd be grateful for the company, Yuuji."

The drive took a thousand years. Megumi was smooth, flawless. He was closer to manhood than Yuuji was, but waited for him to catch up with an outstretched hand. When Yuuji jumped out at the hospital atrium with nary a goodbye, white-knuckled around his bouquet and smart suit, Megumi simply smiled, watching him go.

Claggy-tongued and numb footed, Yuuji made his way through the hospital, rendered dumb with nerves. Bowing, and bowing again as a midwife allowed him into the ward, Yuuji's heart squeezed again as he saw your room number on the wall; Ward Seven, Room Three.

He raised a hand, and in the half-second before knocking, Yuuji's life flashed before his eyes; every trial, every agony, every loss and every near loss, every tear and every smile and every embrace and battle and war and fear and pain and love that he had lost and love that he had won, hard fought, and he could only hope that it was enough that he could be enough to fill the suit because he sure as hell wasn't man enough to fill it yet--

Knock knock.

"Come in."

Yuuji swung open the door, his eyes wide, and stepped over the threshold into his formative memory of the moment he became a man. The sound of rain, the distant tiny cries, the smell of petrichor and new life. The edges of this new memory were rosy, flush with pink and gold.

You, sat in bed, tired and shiny-cheeked and exquisite, pressing one hand over your lips and about to cry for the boy you loved.

Kento, with his back to the door, his shirtsleeves rolled up, and his broad shoulders rendered gentle by the obsessive, adoring love that sunk into every fibre of his being. He held something precious in his arms.

When Kento turned, time stopped. A wee baby girl, just hours old, yawned a chubby-cheeked yawn against her father's chest. She scrunched and squeaked as she stretched against the blankets, and Yuuji uttered an involuntary 'oh'.

Yuuji dropped the flowers to the floor, stepping forwards, instinctually reaching out for such treasure.

Kento looped a hand out, pulling Yuuji in by the nape of the neck and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Yuuji...she's here. Your little-- if you want her-- little sister--"

Yuuji hiccuped. Gingerly, tenderly he accepted the warm, blanketed bundle pressed into his arms. He looked down, shaking and blinking away tears, placing one thick finger in a tiny hand. Nanami rubbed a hand down his jaw, another hand on his hip, and huffed a single wet laugh.

"Why...why the suit, Yuuji?"

"I just...I wanted to make a good first impression."

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Inspired by that old video of the guy wearing a suit to go and meet his new baby niece.

[soireegurl]

i have this idea for a fic but i cant write, lol so im dropping it in your ask box cause youre like the best yandere writer i know on here so here it is:

you running away from yandere!heeseung when you had the chance, then you encountered a nice guy (i imagine to probably be sunghoon) and then you tell him all bout you running away, heeseung, all that stuff. butttt here's the twist.. hoon has been stalking you for a looong time so yeah kind of like reader got away from a yandere just to end up with another yandere 💥

Omggg thank you for writing in! I'm so glad to hear that from you 😊 here it is sorry for the long wait! Hope you like it!

You’d been running for days, constantly looking over your shoulder, heart pounding. Heeseung, with his unsettling gaze and obsessive demeanor, was always one step behind. It was terrifying, knowing that someone so fixated was out to find you.

His words and actions are no doubt trauma for you.

It started all nice and romantic, Heeseung was the sweetest guy you've ever met and no doubt, you have fallen in love with this beautiful man. But things started to get handy.

Ever since you guys officially got together, he has been possessive. Like to an extreme amount.

To the point where you felt suffocated and scared. You tried to talk to him about it but he always turned to the same behaviour.

You couldn't take it anymore and decided to break up with him... Which obviously didn't turn out well.

"Heeseung... I... I'm sorry. I... Let's break up."

You said not looking at him. You didn't want to see any of that madness in his eyes.

"Baby... Was that a joke? Or..."

His tone wasn't warm.... It was cold. As if, if you said "no" the next second, he would tear you into pieces.

But you can't let fear over take you.

"No. I'm serious Heeseung. I want to break up with you."

And there... Boom!

You ended up in his basement for 3 weeks.

For 3 weeks, you have been trying to run. Of course failing almost every time.

But that day... You finally got out of his grip.

Then, amidst your frantic escape, you stumbled upon someone who seemed like a beacon of calm.

Sunghoon, with his warm smile and kind eyes, offered you a moment of respite.

You poured your heart out, telling him everything: how you’d been fleeing from Heeseung, how his intense obsession made your life a nightmare.

Sunghoon listened patiently, offering comforting words and seeming genuinely concerned. You felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe you’d finally found safety.

"I'm sorry to hear that Y/n... I'm here now... I will take care of you..."

But as the days went on, you began to notice little things. Sunghoon was always there, just when you needed him. It seemed like he had an uncanny ability to show up at the right place and time.

"Oh? Sunghoon? What are you doing in my house?"

"Here! I bought you some chocolate. I thought you might need this right now."

"Oh my god that's so sweet of you... How did you know that I am in desperate need of this right now?"

You smiled and took the chocolate from his hand.

"Every time you fail a test, you always get chocolates to cheer yourself up, don't you?"

He said with a proud smile.

But... You have never told him that... And you never told him that you failed your most recent test...

So... How does he know?

But at that time, you were too innocent to even notice this was odd.

Eventually, a year later, you and Sunghoon got into a relationship.

One evening, as you were looking through Sunghoon's phone, as your phone ran out of battery and you desperately needed a phone to do some research.

Curiousity got into you and somehow, you decided to open up Sunghoon's gallery.

you came across something unsettling. A series of photos you didn’t remember taking.

They showed you in various locations, from moments of vulnerability to everyday scenes.

Your heart sank as you realized these were taken by Sunghoon.

Confronting him, you saw a shift in his demeanor. His warm smile faded, replaced by a more intense, calculating gaze.

You sensed danger. Your body is telling you to run, and of course, you followed what your body told you to do.

You ran for your life.

Why have you never noticed anything?

“You didn’t think you’d escape that easily, did you?” he whispered next to your ears and he caught up to you.

"I didn't plan all this just to let you escape..."

He said and smirked.

"What... What do you mean?"

"You know... I could have just given you a backup phone... I'm not that stupid Y/n.."

"I want you to know how much I love you... And you should love me as much too..."

The realization hit hard. You had run from one yandere, only to fall into the grasp of another.

Sunghoon’s obsession, hidden behind a facade of kindness, was just as consuming.

The cycle of escape and obsession seemed never-ending, leaving you to confront the stark reality of your situation.

[thetravelingmaster]

Convinced She Can't Resist

Female's Point of View - Conditioning - Hypnosis

His soft, irresistible tone effortlessly pulled my attention upward. I looked up into his eyes, I couldn't help but smile as I felt my will steadily be drained away with each bewitching word he spoke.

He was hypnotizing me again and even though I knew exactly why he kept doing it, I couldn't stop myself from instantly surrendering because his inductions are impossible to resist. The moment I even suspect that he is trying to trance me, I give myself over to the experience even if I know full well that every time I do, he deepens my utter surrender to his will.

And before you say anything, the reason for my helplessness isn't because I'm on board with what he is doing to me. In fact, I'm still very aware that it would be much more prudent for me to do everything in my power to prevent it. However, just like my inability to resist being hypnotized by him, I can't bring myself to complain about anything he does with me, nor can I take any action that would help me break free from his clever hypnotic hold over me.

It’s simply impossible…

So in spite of the number of times he wants to trance me, I always allow him to do it regardless of my mood. I’m well aware that from an outsider’s perspective, my willingness makes me look like a hypno-addict, but in truth, it’s less about my desire to be hypnotized and more about my inability to resist it. 

It might have taken me a while to realize he was changing things in my behavior and beliefs, but right from the start, I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to be aware that my trances did more than just relax me. It’s actually pure coincidence that I do though because you see, if I was the type of subject that didn’t remember her trances, I would honestly have been clueless that my new behavior and actions was all his doing. I would have been like those girls you read about in erotic mind control stories and thought that my new beliefs were my own epiphanies. 

But as it turned out, I’m the type of subject that always remembers moments from my trances. That’s why I know that during my first session, he took his time and eventually convinced me that his hypnosis skills were impossible to resist while I was deep in trance. I didn't know this at the time, but it turns out that whatever your subconscious can be convinced of while you are that deep in trance becomes part of you as a new truth you can't deny. 

I really should have been more cautious…

However, I didn't really believe hypnosis could do anything special so when he first offered to hypnotize me, I didn't see the harm in accepting his request. As a matter of fact, I was so convinced that hypnosis wasn't real that I was surprised when his words actually did make me sleepy. He told me his induction would make me drowsy and they did exactly that. His words pulled me deeper and deeper into new truths and before I knew it, I was in a deep trance.

I remember waking up a little confused as to what I had just experienced, but that quickly faded away and was replaced with genuine awe when I realized that it had worked. Which served to prove the truth of my new conviction because even if I didn’t believe in hypnosis, his induction had pulled me effortlessly down into trance.

I guess that same feeling of awe is why I didn't mind it when he began to trance me every time we met up. It wasn't something I could prevent or resist and since it admittedly felt pretty nice to relax my mind in that way, I didn't bother to worry about his sudden obsession. I'm not a completely clueless idiot however so eventually, I did start to notice that each trance I experienced seemed to bring me deeper and the deeper I sank, the easier it was for him to convince me about new things.

Copy this link to your browser to read the rest of this story

mc-diaries.com/diaries/convinced-she-cant-resist

Model: Reilly Sanders

[medusas-graveyard]

Unhealthy Obsession.

Okay wait actually, remembering how it took a while for Pariah Dark to get sealed off just means that they were some bending in his sworn oath, right?

Okay another angst prompt, consider; softly insane! Danny.

(Tw: Dark!Danny, morally ambiguous? No one's having a great time tbh but like it's poetically soft imo. Also our boy's officially lost it :∆ his words are cryptic.)

Final warning: This is depressingly sad for Danny's part, sure. But he's also unjustified so I'll classify this as [Dead Dove: Do not eat]

Danny's adopted by the Waynes just like, a bit little short time before his coronation (also he's around 16-18 years old because I'm dragging the desperate for validation because he never felt seen unless someone praises him trope). At that time span he's this very rarely seen brother that's absolutely trying his best between juggling his very impromptu 'how to be a proper monarch' lessons (read: the ancients drilling manors, rules, oaths, etc to his poor head because they don't want a repeat Pariah Dark) and being a present family members because he genuinely loves them. (They know about the vigilante stuff and the Waynes understandably backed away from convincing him, seeing how Danny already has shit ton on his plate.)

Until one day something big happens that almost ended the world, and Bruce dies. It was just him and his dad there, with no other bird or bat in sight. No one knew yet— no one needs to know. Kronos' carefully crafted human, no— prince finally shatters after all the pressure, and all he thinks is how unfair the world has been to him.

It's a very, very slow descent to insanity, what he had been through.

He lost so much, he won't lose anything again. And amidst the eerie scenery of a prince cradling the body of his father, was the sight of himself stitching him back together— giving him a new life. He whispered apologies after apologies to the unconscious man; and for a second Kronos would've pitied him.

Except he didn't. He knew he can't.

After all the chaos they finally had each other again, and Danny stood contently as he watched Alfred personally tend to his family's wounds, big or small. He also watched as his family bicker with each other after all they've been through, and realized something; all of this will die.

Alfred, Bruce, his brothers, Cass and Steph— they're all painfully mortal. He'll outlive his family, and in the end he'll be alone. He doesn't want to be left alone.

And what is to do when you realize your family is painfully, awfully mortal?

...you either curse them with immortality, or place a generational curse on them so you'll all meet in every life, of course! (Oh, did I mention about cursing your family so they'll all get reincarnated everytime they die to make them find each other by everytime?)

... except these curses are incredibly forbidden, because they go against the nature of life and death.

Which leads to the sight of Danny being cuffed from his neck, his arms, his wrists, and his legs. His expression is deadly calm, he smiles softly contrast to the Waynes that are watching in horror. He watches as his family's face contorts to something unreadable when his captors reads over his charges, and he couldn't bring himself to feel remorse.

"By the name of the Infinite realms, Prince Phantom is sentence to imprisonment, for the charges of tempering with the cycle of life and breaking the Royal oath."

"He will be serving until the day of his coronation by the terms of the infinite realms, under the watchful gaze of the ghost of time. The guilty may be there farewells before they are sent to their sentence."

Danny smiles at them; soft but undeniably cruel. He bows at them, like how he would bow on days where his father would teach him how to ballroom dance.

"this is not a goodbye, it is merely a see you later." He starts, voice full of merit. "May we meet again, and may the circumstances of our next meeting a better one."

His smile turns sharper then, the contrast between it and his soft eyes sends an unpleasant shiver. "For our destiny are tied, and our Fates will overlap with each other."

"You cannot change our destiny. For the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, and our bond has tied us together."

"None of you will run from me— none of you can run from me."

"Because I will chase you down and hunt you until our family is complete."

[itsclydebitches]

I can't believe it took me this long to notice but—

I'm mildly obsessed with how Alastor is the only one other than Charlie to sing in the original pilot. She sings to herself on the balcony and then hears (repeatedly) from Vaggie that she should not sing to her audience... and when she inevitably does, Charlie is faced with Hell-wide ridicule. Singing is clearly incredibly important to her—as well as a semi-literal power in this world—yet everyone from Charlie's girlfriend, to her subjects, to her parents (implied) is cringing not just over her message, but the very act of performance itself. That's something that changes in Amazon!Hazbin, but here Charlie is presented as an outlier.

Yet suddenly there's Alastor: singing with gleeful abandon, dressing everyone up, changing reality just like Charlie does, and reprising her lyrics. Yeah, he's still sarcastically 'supporting' or outright mocking her dream, but that's still such a great manipulation on his part. When he wants to get on her good side Alastor approaches Charlie through the very medium that everyone else rejected her for. And it works. Charlie seems to completely ignore what Alastor is singing in favor of getting swept up in someone else passionately performing with/for her. She went from "You're shady as fuck" and disgustedly removing Alastor's hand from her shoulder to ecstatic, full-fledged dancing with him.

(It's made even better for me that, in true Alastor fashion, there's always an element of truth in the manipulation. His love of singing, dancing, and performance exists independently from this scheme, bringing into question how much is genuine, how much is deliberate manipulation, and how much is a headache inducing mix of both that even he couldn't untangle.)

So anyway, I'm re-watching "Hell's Greatest Dad" and I'm like, "Alastor's parts are so distinctive where the fuck have I seen that neon coloring before?"

Manipulative deer man really pulled out all the stops here. "Hey, Charlie, remember when your parents were gone and I showed up to support you and we danced together in this very distinctive style while I once again reprised someone else's song? Remember that exact moment where I filled the role of 'Dad' and accepted you and made you smile? Remember that, Charlie? Hey, Lucifer, you see how happy MY performance makes her?"

And, uh... it works again!

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Who has been screwed over by the fandom more?

Propaganda below the cut

Amy Rose:

All she did was be a girl with a one-sided crush on the hero and she immediately got branded as a creepy obsessive stalker. Never mind how she has an actual character and personality and interests beyond Sonic himself. All of that gets ignored and her entire being gets boiled down to "yandere for Sonic"

Tails Nine:

it might just be me, but i still keep seeing posts where nine is just summarized as "tails but emo" and it. kinda ticks me off because. nine is very obviously a version of tails that didn't have a sonic – or anyone – to save him, so he grew to rely on himself and *only* himself, and it shows.

there's just... it could've been so easy for the tails we know to have become just like nine if it weren't for sonic. nine never had a sonic to protect him, so he made himself seven metallic tails to utilize instead. nine never had a sonic who made him be proud of his tails, so he makes it look like he only has one. nine never had a sonic who made him feel loved, so he stuck to the ground, because reaching for the sky is something only idiots can hope for.

until he met sonic.

and god, just watching the episodes where these two interact can make your heart feel *so* warm, because nine is finally getting the love he deserves. you watch him reach for the instinctive snark before being shocked by sonic's genuine kindness. you watch him praise sonic even if they had only just met because finally, finally someone cares about him. you watch him *fly*, in front of sonic, and only in front of sonic.

of course, good things can't last forever.

[sonic prime major spoilers territory, don't read unless you've watched all of s2]

this fox has been beaten down by the world around him, it should come as no surprise that when he found out what the full extent of what he could do with the shards is, that his first idea was to create the ideal world out of a wasteland just for him and sonic. only them. because sonic was the only one who showed him kindness. hell, he even remembered the palm trees sonic mentioned. the ideal world just for him and the hedgehog that insists that he's his friend.

and that's where their views collide.

because while nine wants what he never had, sonic wants what he lost.

and doesn't that just hurt? it's rejection. something that he's grown used to. because as much as sonic tries, he never saw nine more than just another alternate version of tails. all those words of his were for someone nine wasn't.

it's rejection, and it just confirms to nine what the world forced him to believe.

he's all on his own.

it's really no wonder he took control of the shards to create his own paradise.

(side note: i don't *fully* blame sonic for this either. while yes, it's primarily his fault, i feel like he's been dealing with the consequences plenty by now. he's just doing his best to fix things back to the way it was before. sonic may be fast, but even a few days isn't enough to process all of that for the world's fastest hedgehog.)

[ttaibhse]

i need to start up running again i haven't been in ages and i feel shitty about it but i still just don't really want to. especially now it's getting colder lol i like running in cool weather but when it's actually cold not as much. i was getting so bored of it idrk why i guess because i was running out of new routes to do... i hate running along the road and the thought of adding more distance which basically would mean adding more time on the road or just mindless loops of the parks wasn't really motivating lol. and i felt like i stopped making progress. and then i got sick and the pain in my back/hips came back for a while. and to be honest i was/am just disappointed that i wasn't losing any weight at least not perceptibly and obviously i was lying when i said the goal of it wasn't to lose weight lol. like not the only goal i did/do also want to just be a fitter and more active person and not let my bones crumble into dust by middle age whatever but ultimately i want to lose weight and it just wasn't happening. even though i wasn't intentionally eating much more to make up for the extra activity but i probably was doing it without meaning to. like admittedly there were definitely times i would be like oh i can have a bit more i did a big run today. not all the time but enough i guess. i feel like shit i hate being this size & shape i miss being skinny and the more time passes with me not being skinny it gets harder to remember the negatives that came with it. like i look back now and i know i was always cold and exhausted and obsessed with food and my whole life revolved around it like i know all that but i looked so much better -_- my clothes looked nicer. if someone took a photo of me i only had to worry about hating my face not my body as well. or not as much at least lol i always hated it i guess. but omfg my face even looks worse now because its just doughy. i cant stand it. i cant believe how fucked up i look lol

i hate writing posts like this i sound so cookie cutter stereotypical ED girl. it's so so embarrassing i can't stop feeling like this at nearly 28. im 28 in like 10 days and the first time i remember consciously deciding to stop eating to lose weight i was 10 or 11. my mum still seems to have genuinely blocked out the memories of it like any of it even though we talked about it at several different points in time when i was a teenager and i said to her what was going on and she was so angry with me like furious with me. and then again when i was an adult and just said outright because i knew i had put on weight over lockdown and i knew she thought i had just lost control of myself because she said so to my sister

so i said to her like look i was only really thin in uni because i was in like a 1.5k calorie deficit every single day. there were days i would stand up at the end of a lecture and almost black out lol so i said all that maybe 3 or 4 years ago was the last time i brought it up icr but still if the topic of eating disorders or similar comes up she will say things like "i hope youve never felt that way" LMFAO like full sincerity i swear to fucking god i dont understand. but anyway its not a great feeling knowing she thinks im fat because i just dont take care of myself. even though it is true i suppose. and every time i see my granny she comments on my weight. so anyway all that to say that's how i know it's true and it's not just in my head

like i can acknowledge that back in the day when i was something like 55kg and still thought i was huge that was some kind of dysmorphia involved. but not any more and it's just kind of a blow because i had finally started accepting this idea that i wasn't as big as i thought and now i am it's like i don't know like going backwards. like a nightmare come true or something it's literally all the bad thoughts i would have about myself are true now. i am that fat or even worse because i think i've been deluding myself i think i'm actually now bigger than i think i am. and i am lazy and eat badly and it still feels like my options are total lack of control or the tightest rein possible. theres no good middle ground i dont know how people find a middle ground. how do you eat normally lol. ive only ever been thin when i was barely eating + walking miles and miles every day AND on testosterone. i tried to do eating normally and now im so huge and i dont know what to do like logically i know there are people out there who have got it right so why cant i get it right

[milquetoastmews]

okay I’ve seen you posting about wuthering heights and this is your invitation (if you want one) to yap and share your thoughts about it. i read it a few years back and i honestly… despised it? and i feel like i’m missing something bc like. i regularly read classics. i love engaging with a story’s themes. but something just didn’t click for me, and i’m left feeling bewildered about why people love it. and none of this is judgement on you, i just genuinely feel like i’m missing something, so if you want to yap about it please enlighten me 🖤

so sorry it took me 4evr to respond 2 this omfg

I am literally never not in the mood to talk about wuthering heights!!!!

first things first, I read it over 3 yrs ago so I don't remember allllll the specifics (tho I have been feeling the itch to reread it......)

but from what I can remember (!) here's what I love abt it:

its so immersive! at least, it was for me. I had honestly forgotten that these things had even happened specifically, but I went back and read my goodreads review of it and I mention dreaming about the story and how after I finished it I sat on my bed for an hour doing absolutely nothing, because what was I meant to do? the world I had been living in had just dissipated before my eyes. I had trouble moving on after finishing wuthering heights; I would want to read but couldn't bring myself to pick up another book because that meant fully exiting its world. even though I don’t remember the contents of the dream or sitting on my bed, the feeling I had when reading wuthering heights still comes back to me whenever I think/talk abt it. its hard to put a finger on exactly what that feeling is but I can very distinctly identify it as wuthering heights.

its just so gothic. I lovelovelove gothicism. I love that wuthering heights is gothic in every possible way. theres ghosts and haunted manors and impassioned declarations and tragic ends and violent displays of love (more on this in the next point)

ever since I had to read love in the time of cholera for my sr yr english class I've been kind of obsessed with the concept of love as a violence. not violence used to desecrate love, but violence as an expression of love itself (probably also why I love hannibal lol). as aforementioned, I'm fascinated w the macabre of life. its just so interesting to see how many horrible actions can be not excused, but genuinely explained by love. love as a source of madness, desperation, desolation will always be one of my fav things to see in media

its not an unrequited love story with heathcliff the incel "nice guys always finish last" character. catherine and heathcliff truly truly love each other. but they r both in tricky spots. heathcliff is a person of color with a diminished social standing and catherine is a woman. these both hinder their options in life. I like that love does not conquer all and they don't end up together and heathcliff goes literally batshit bcos of it (kinda ties into my last point). the love is requited it just... can't be

everyone sucks!!!!! absolutely nothing means more to me than characters that fucking suck. like fr. every character is so different and yet exactly the same in the sense that you cannot morally justify liking one over the other. they are all, objectively, bad people, but at times u can't help but wish something good would happen to them, if only to find out if they would be better were their circumstances more favorable (they wouldn't ofc; most of the time, they just ruin whatever good thing even gets w in their vicinity)

I found the framing rlly interesting, the whole story w in a story thing. the end of the book was established at the beginning (or at least that's the assumption): lockwood comes to the grange and visits the heights and sees that everyone is miserable. so, the story begins: nelly is going to enlighten him as to how everyone at the heights came to be so rude and forlorn. but, that wasn't the end and I liked that. to me, it felt like brontë gave us a map at the beginning of the story and said "you're going to end up here" but once we got to that point, she just kept going. I think that strikes a rlly optimal balance of both direction and surprise. tbh I just rlly admire emily brontë as a writer

I believe thats all I can think of for now? I def have more to say on how, yes, everyone sucks, but the characters r still complex and the historical context surrounding when the book was written and the social commentary that comes along w heathcliff's identity and all that but I'm tired and feel bad its taken me this long to respond anyway!!! but def lmk what fell flat 4 u, I'm always curious to learn other ppls perspectives on books

(also I for sure did not edit or read this over b4 posting so sorry if it is absolutely incomprehensible)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

triggers: urination, csa

name: fae

I'm not sure if this could have been early signs of csa in my childhood apart from what I know or maybe I just was genuinely scared of the bathroom? in kindergarten for a period of time I would pee myself during lunchtime right on the dot. It was so frequent to the point that my own teacher saw me in the office after an accident and went "Again?". I remember it was because I was horrified of a spider on the wall near the ceiling and that I'd always be unable to use the restroom at school because of that spider but I'm wondering if maybe something else happened.

In 1st grade I was using the restroom when two girls snuck their DS camera under the stall and took a photo of me but nothing ever came of it. I didn't see their faces and the photo wasn't spread to my knowledge. I was then assaulted at 10 during school and I know that was the start of my obsession with sex and mature themes as a child, but I feel like even before both of those incidents that it's possible something happened. I can't say for sure and maybe nothing did but it's just something I've been thinking about.

You know despite how life has turned out I'd give anything to go back to 1st grade or 2nd, even kindergarten with the memories I have now. I miss being a kid, it just passed by so quickly. I was so sweet, I just remember how pure I was and all of a sudden I wasn't. I seriously wish I could go back and do it over. I'm not religious but if heaven existed and it gave me the option for a do-over I'd be pressing that button so quick

Hello, Fae.

We’re sorry to hear all of this was your experience. It must feel so private and isolating. It’s very brave of you to share with us so we can help.

Issues with incontinance could be several things, including an underlying condition. If it has continued even now, I would suggest seeing a healthcare professional about that.

In regards to feeling a loss for your childhood, there are many ways to return to that at any point in your life. You could find plushies to hold or play with, enjoy childhood cartoons or other shows that brought you peace and comfort, and even make a simple fort to sit in where the space feels safe and surrounding. There’s no shame in this at any age. You can be as private about this as you wish to be.

I hope you can find a way to nurture your inner child.

-Amun.

[otosugar]

Explaining UtaPri's Next Door

Next Door is the 9th episode of the season 4 of Uta no Prince Sama anime and it impacted a lot of people when it aired and still does to this day However, I will share my thoughts on this specific episode and why it made me obsess over the main protags of this episode, Otoya and Eiichi

Creating the Soul shaking song

The duet project got some very good songs and honestly I can't say there is a loser on the batch So of course Otoya and Eiichi wanted to stand out too Haruka also did a good job give her credits too!

Eiichi's side of the story

So I will take this clear: Eiichi shouldn't have done everything that he did to Otoya, but there is actually some background around this, of course, again, he should have shared his feelings to Otoya in a better way

The implications that his dad isn't one of the best ones in the franchise started here on this episode, and it continued on the next ones, with Raging telling to him that he should destroy Starish, in front of the entire group no less, and in Maji Love Kingdom, Ranmaru says that Eiichi is scared of a shadow, what ever happened to Eiichi and Eiji should be revealed, sooner or later, but his relationship with his dad is definitively not on the best terms

Maybe because of this abuse thing Eiichi endured for years got to his head during the duet, and because of that he had a weird way to share his feelings to Otoya, because he projected himself onto him, Otoya reminded of him when he was more, innocent

The way his dad wanted to end him and Starish as a whole made him feel conflicted, he genuinely wanted to stay with Otoya, but he also feared what his dad could do to him and his group as a whole if he didn't obey him, as Heavens is his family too, Otoya had similar feelings to him that weren't destroyed by his dad, but he knew more about his group, he loved them a lot and he always was here for them

Later in the season we see the consequences Heavens took over disobeying Raging: the man was willing to ruin the reputation and the group he formed because they rebelled on him by erasing them from the public, until they once again, rebelled on him

Eiichi was also a victim of circunstances, and because of that, he exploded his negative feelings onto Otoya, because again, he was similar to him

Otoya's side of the story

We all saw what Otoya endured in this episode, he wanted to help with the song too, but Eiichi wasn't convinced of it, I want to believe all his unused lyrics for Next Door were used in Brilliant Days, after going out of the road of trauma he got into

Otoya is an orphan, since he was a child he didn't knew who their parents where and even got told that they were death, this was carried from the game, something I don't quite remember was if his aunt was in the game too, as he has a rosario from his mom in the games and in Pirates of the Frontier

It was said that Otoya was a sad kid when he got in the orphanage, and with such a trauma, who doesn't, we know his dad and mom are alive, but he doesn't, Starish goes to that orphanage in Smile Magic, but they probably thought Otoya was here because he just wanted to cheer up some kids, as he is a very happy person, not because it was the place he was raised in and they weren't told that, or Otoya never told them that was his house for his fear of reliving the memories again

Now on the episode Otoya gets constantly frustrated over not getting the lyrics, he wanted to make Haruka Happy, he wanted to sing with Eiichi, he wanted to enjoy things, but he just wasn't having fun during that, and he instead slowly got his bad memories again, because Eiichi wanted to know if he was as similar to him

I believe Otoya is, at the end of the day, genuinely happy with his life, but he still hasn't gotten over the loss and sadness he got when he was a child, and Eiichi bringing them back to surface just broke him, while we get that Eiichi wanted to make a good song and know more about Otoya, this is not the way for going into that

He eventually got better, and everyone loves him regardless of what he thought of himself, and at the end, they won!!!!!! Which honestly, as much as I loved God's star and Fumetsu no Inferno, he should have his win after his scar got harshly open

A mix and match of negative emotions in a song

I'm tired of Next Door being treated as a forbidden song of sorts, I know the context of how the song got created is depressing, but we shouldn't forget, that this song was something created from the development of these two guys

That smiling mask Tear it all off A raging new world will devastate you

This part of Eiichi starts the song on a very dark way compared to other utapri songs, but again, he is projecting himself onto Otoya in this moment

In the total darkness I see Blooming sunflowers ahh… Dancing to pieces As my song burns

And here we see Otoya singing about how emotionally hurt he is, from all his trauma and memories surfacing once again

And the song keeps going on dark until the bridge and last verse

A true smiling face I mistook the meaning The sorrow in your chest Is not something to hide My heart beats My whole body beats The joy in today’s sky Shows the limit in the wind of life All you can have Can be caught in feathers Fluttering dream

NEXT DOOR Open the door to tomorrow NEXT DOOR Let’s laugh together On the same stage

I will not hesitate anymore Fly away now Go To the future To the shining sun Don’t be defeated

NEXT DOOR NEXT DOOR

The song ends on a positive note, being happy is always great, but spilling your feelings like sadness, grief, anger or fear shouldn't be seen as bad, and, after all that grief, there is always the sunlight watching over us They even got Raging and Shining dropped on each verse, thought they used Kagayaki instead of shining, but it's still a cute way for ending such a strong song

The aftermath

Otoya runs away, he is in a very depressive state, Eiichi feels guilty over this and isn't taking it well at all, despite trying to hide his worries, which shows that he has a mask of his own, Starish cheer up Otoya, Heavens got punished after defying Raging, Eiichi was completely devasted for making such a decision he considered going on to his dad let him control his group despite he was teh one who started this rebellion, but thanks to Otoya and his friends, they come back after all they got, Starish gave them enough light to shine, Starish won, Heavens got onto Maji Love Kingdom, and after all this we got to the present, together, as friends or lovers, whatever suits you

What I say from this, is that, while the actions of Eiichi to make the song were questionable, it didn't got into worse events, yeah the anime of Utapri is fluff, but it doesn't mean bad things can't happen

Conclution

I have traumas, I have done questionable things while avoiding or confronting them, I relate to Otoya and Eiichi, I love Otoya and Eiichi, It took a big while to know that I love them, Next Door switched on a part of me I didn't knew I had, the performances of the song are really strong, specially on stage 6, I have never felt so connected to some characters as I have been with Otoya and Eiichi, I don't want to force people onto loving the same characters as I do, I want them to know why I love them so much

Otoya is cute, energetic, and always brings joy to me, Eiichi is a fire, eccentric, always has something to show off, each one had a different way to cope with their trauma, and that is why I love them, both of their side that they show to the world, and the dark side they hide from the world

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

Everlark (The Hunger Games, Ch. 20)

(in which they easily fall into being a married couple)

"getting the broth into peeta takes an hour of coaxing, begging, threatening, and yes, kissing" - this is so funny. threatening?!

it's like once they've started kissing, they can't stop. like it's an absentminded habit

katniss gets into the sleeping bag with peeta and it's "toasty warm" and she "snuggles down gratefully"

she acknowledges that by teaming up with him, she's made herself much more vulnerble but decides to trust the "instinct" that made her go looking for him even when she knew he was injured (i thought you said it was so the district 12 people weren't mad at you, katniss?)

"i woke up and you were gone... i was worried about you" peeta got his girl again and decided that's it, we can never be separated

peeta's capacity to flirt with/tease katniss while possibly dying is truly remarkable. his humour is really something special and so easy in such horrific times for them. never forget what the movies took from us

"he catches my hand and presses it against his lips. i remember my father doing this very thing to my mother and i wonder where peeta picked it up" - three things: one, peeta resembling her father again; two, peeta showing her love and she recognises it as love; three, her wondering where peeta got this from lol

as she lies to sleep, peeta brushes the hair off her forehead and this seems to be a specific thing they do for each other (my mind is brought to her doing it to hijacked peeta to help him sleep), but it starts right in this little cave, their little treasured intimacies. katniss notes that unlike the staged kisses/caresses they've had so far (how many of them were really staged though), that him doing this to her is natural and comforting and she doesn't want him to stop. she falls asleep as he does it.

peeta "brightening" when katniss returns even though he's miserable. he is so obsessed with her

so far katniss has been thinking peeta is acting with her but she chooses not to tell him a happy story involving gale because she thinks it won't go down well with him (or the audience) - so in some capacity she must sense that he is legit 'competition' for gale and that he doesn't like the idea of gale and her together.

the whole conversation about peeta saying he's gonna pay for himself since she's saved him and her asking him what he cost her again (a bit flirty maybe hm) and him saying a lot of trouble but that she'll get it all back. they're too much. flirting in a cave while all this (gestures to the games) is going on

him knowing when she's lying. which is interesting because at the end of the book when he finds out she was acting, he's caught off guard. and katniss isn't a good actress which leads me to believe whatever he's feeling from her is pretty damn genuine

the movies really took away so much of peeta's character traits. like boy is stubborn, he won't go down without a fight and they made him a damsel in distress and a weak one at that (think of the magic josh hutcherson could've worked with a better script)

"'what am i supposed to do? sit here and watch you die?' he must know that's not an option. that the audience would hate me. and frankly, i would hate myself too, if i didn't even try" - so here we have her going into a bloodbath alone just so she can try save him. she could win the games alone and no one would be mad at her for it all things considering but she cannot let him die. like she can't bring herself to even think of it

the whole bit where she feeds him the syrup berries and he realises and tried to spit them back up but she clamps her hand over his mouth to make him swallow. these two. "a stray berry stains his chin and i wipe it away" more casual intimacy

[almostfoxglove]

hi! happy possibly-belated holidays! 

‘twas thinking about your fics a lot over these past few days, and ended up re-reading a good handful of them, including the entirety of See You At Three, I'll Carry You, and The Prettiest again... plus your christmas one-shot was just so damn sweet. something so sugary for the soul it made me go back to syat another time just so i could specifically read the chapters with feverish joel, because there's something so earnest about the way he thinks — what they say about sugar cravings and all that, one taste is never enough. the first hints of it all really collapsing into a feelings free-fall... needed a mixture of the good feelings in this chili's tonight.

mildly unrelated, but i was beyond thrilled when i found out that The Prettiest had origins in a ghost dieter list, because dieterrrrrr omg!!! i genuinely think he may be near the top of my favorite pedro boys, and for the life of me i couldn't say why. he's just so endearingly disastrous. i couldn't help but start imagining him and max having insane beef with each other while trying to haunt the same person. i 100% feel like they'd hate each other. especially if dieter never shut up about technically (“Objectively!”) being more successful in life than max. (“Does anyone remember having an interesting sales manager, hotshot? Anyone have posters of you up on their walls you didn't print yourself? Didn't think so.”) but again that's a ramble, and i digress. 

i just want you to know that like always, your stories have been a source of a lot of really comforting (and/or painfully cathartic) feelings during stressful times, and they're really a balm for a lot of stuff that can hurt. the impact you and your writing has on people is really meaningful, and you deserve to hear it more often. so here i am, clogging your inbox to say it again: thank you, as always, for sharing something so personal and cared so deeply for with us. your works are a gift and we're lucky you share them; we're always blessed to be traveling the multiverse with you!

- that one long and rambling anon 

(p.s.; holy MOLY that max fic you reblogged. that was like a portal into even more max for my very reluctant vampire-loving soul. how dare he be charming. thank you for exposing us to that, but also curse you because i didn't need extra brainrot in my life.)

(extra p.s.; you can consider this a present, if you like ❤️ it's rough because i am absolutely not a writer, but here's those 2.7k words i talked about last time! i hope they can at least make you smile. -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/61364959)

ANON

AAAAANNNNOOOOONNNN BABY I'M SORRY THIS TOOK ME A FEW DAYS TO REPLY TO - I wanted to make sure I could read your fic before replying and oh my GOD. I will try not to yap at you here after yapping at you on ao3 - but MY HEART! CANNOT TAKE IT! it was a goddamn delight, and some exceedingly clever writing. it was so much fun and max was so perfect in it - all his physicality and mannerisms WERE JUST SO GOOD AND PERFECT FOR HIM. I'm in love with it, and can't believe you took my silly ask reply and turned it into a whole fic that had my heart YANKING in my chest?? I adore you. thank you so much for posting and sharing it so I could fall in love with him all over again, and then with your brilliant brain :,) <3

(p.s. I'm now also obsessed with the thought of max and dieter competing with each other, like dear god it's so good)

LINK TO ANON'S PRESENTATION - truly cannot recommend enough.

I'm so unbelievably honored that anything I've written has been able to keep you company during stressful times (and I'm sending you all my love - hope you're doing okay out there, honey <3) - this ask felt like a big ol hug right when I needed it, so just thank you. again. you're honestly such a fucking gem!! ah!!

extremely sorry (but not that sorry) about passing the max brainrot along, but very happy to have you in the club. I adore you. thank you again for being so sweet to me :,) sending you the biggest new year's hug & all my love, ok?? take care of yourself <3 <3

[erstwhilesparrow]

i'm so eepy but i need to make a list of scott+pearl things i think about sometimes because i love them:

the fact that scott does his big dramatic "nah i'm leaving you" at the end of the first session of double life, but then the literal next session, he does see her and call her over to talk? and ultimately yeah it breaks down into an argument again but like. he tells her they could reconcile properly, with time. and it's the great tragedy of any life season, right? that there will never be enough time. i know pearl alone in the snow in the woods in the tower is the Big Memorable Visual and that's so fair but i like to remember this conversation sometimes. it is neither that she was alone the whole nor that they moved past it easily -- you could so often see the places where they would have gladly been friends, and also how the cracks are just wide enough that they can't be fixed in the time and space they were given.

speaking of the tragedies of the life series. this is dubious information because it's been a minute since i watched that video and i don't have a transcript for this part, but i think at one point in the first session, pearl thinks about the people her soulbound partner could be, realizes it could be scott, and says something about it being like last season. and while i do enjoy considerations of [what if none of them remember previous seasons] as a writing or characterization game/exercise, these days i mostly default to the more-canon version of things that is... they all remember. the problem is that they all remember. i was talking with a friend about "romantic immolation" and how i really like it as a metaphorical thing? romance that is so strange and terrifying and intense it's like an external force burning clean through you, which will leave you irrevocably changed, some piece if not all of you unrecognizable as your past self when it is done with you. and how this is more broadly applicable to life series relationships in general, something condensed and burning and fierce that is inevitably going to crash. and you can remember the depth of love or understanding or care you achieved in a past season, but you lost all of those lives, and you know things about each other you can't take back knowing, and this is a new world, and whatever you left in that other one, you're never getting it back. that split second where pearl thinks she might get that old relationship back, and it turns out she never will, not ever in the exact same way.

that thing at the end of secret life where both scott and pearl, while most of their alliance members are still alive, turn to their people and remind them (i'm paraphrasing), "hey, i'm on your side to the very end." in scott's case, he is pretty clearly angling for gem, i get that you were having fun with pearl but when it comes down to it, it should be us being loyal to each other, and i don't think pearl is doing that basically at all, but it was. Really striking as a parallel. and some of it is probably that they've both won before and are continuing to play the game/buy into its premise (You Want To Win) by trying to get their teammates to a win, but i was watching their wild life povs a bit and was reminded of this when they both saw cows and immediately started calling out do not kill them, we're going to need these later. not that they were necessarily the only ones doing that, but the alignment of interests/concerns/thinking is interesting.

i haven't seen either of their last life povs, but i've seen the beginnings of a few others and i'm obsessed forever with the chat messages one immediately after the other of joel killing scott and then pearl killing joel.

the thing is. they both like looking out for their people. scott shares resources so freely it genuinely took me by surprise a few times when i first watched him, and makes a point to check in with his allies, share all the information he has, offer advice. (thinking about scott telling cleo during secret life that when etho's hearts get low enough, she should kill him, so the extra health goes to her, and etho isn't in as much danger with a re-filled health bar. i know i tend to read c!scott more kindly than some, but it does... feel like a genuine signal of trust and affection that he suggests this to her. scott+cleo, man...) and i think all the time about how the reason pearl cites for being upset with scott during double life is he didn't trust her to take care of him. she gifts bdubs her heart and gives bigb her time and to be trusted, to have her allies' backs in battle, to be able to give people the things they need.

however, the differences are really interesting too! i said already scott's aside to gem during secret life finale has much more of an undertone of remember what you owe to me too, but also, scott explicitly talks about saving his gift heart for trade deals, while pearl overhears that bdubs is low on hearts and immediately gifts it to him. i don't know this for sure and it's getting late so i can't dig up evidence, but i get the feeling even if gem or impulse had talked about being low on hearts, scott wouldn't have been so quick to gift his? i'm thinking about him promising people his time in limited life only if their timers ran low enough. there is an interest in transaction for him that is less there or even entirely absent for pearl. i think pearl played lizzie's game of [bring me a bone!] at the start of secret life because it was a game and she wanted to play. for fun! i think if scott had been in pearl's position, he wouldn't have been half as enthusiastic, even if he would have done it. i think he would have come back to lizzie later and reminded her about it -- a good deed worth remembering warmly.

i revisited pearl's talk with red-life lizzie in secret life semi-recently and made the exciting discovery that she's more wary around lizzie than i remembered! (makes sense, knowing as i do now that lizzie lured her into that trap during last life for a boogey kill <3) she's really clear right from the start she's here to do something for lizzie, she's here to be useful, she saved lizzie once already and she has wolves, and they could be allies, right? they could be friendly and then lizzie wouldn't try to hurt her? this is the closest example i have on hand from pearl of the type of [well i did a nice thing for you and now i'm giving you resources/compliments/information] ~negotiating that scott loves to do, and it's still a pretty far cry from him! i think there's a playfulness to pearl that scott is less inclined to. it is not a perfect comparison but i'm thinking about scott's approach to red-life gem -- going up to her as soon as she respawns, complimenting her new skin, while you hear a heartbeat get louder in the background. he's afraid of her and of how the reminders of their previous goodwill with each other don't seem to affect her willingness to hurt/kill him. it's... not that i think pearl wouldn't also get scared in that situation, but. i think there is a way that lack of social control -- lack of ability to trade/talk someone into doing what he wants -- frightens scott. based on admittedly loose impressions, i think people refusing to hear her out just makes pearl sad.

[deepbutdazzlingdarkness]

I think @kennyomegasweave tagged me in this OTP meme like...months ago? And I just found it half-finished in my drafts and decided to actually get it done.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore? 20s, not my teens, but I used to be utterly obsessed with Jack/Kent from Check Please and now, IDEK what happened. I still love them, but I have old fic I saved and never read and can't bring myself to care anymore. IDK it makes me sad.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? Hmm probably Betsy/Joe from the Betsy Tacy series or Anne/Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables? My first ships when I actually got into fandom were Sawyer/Kate and Sara/Grissom from CSI.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple? Magnus/Alec!!! I never thought I would write fic and then I watched season 1 of Shadowhunters and banged out (lol) 7 fics and almost 30k of porn in less than 2 months in 2016. They all have an insane number of hits (like. the highest has 54,878 hits and the lowest has 15,836 hits.........) and I still get kudos on them almost every day, it's wild.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over? Genuinely no idea, but the first one in my fan art tag is Katniss/Peeta from 2012 <3

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse? My first instinct whenever I see someone talk about something I don't like is to mute/block, so perhaps not actively, but I'm sure I have at some point.

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently? LOL. Yes. I still fucking HATE Jack/Kate from Lost and always will. Also Dan/Blair from Gossip Girl. Lately...I'm such a multi-shipper but I gotta say Kate/Anthony from Bridgerton bc I've genuinely had to restrain myself from bitching about how much I hate them SO many times since s3 came out lol.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? I finished a rewatch of Beyond Evil last night so I've been rereading some of my old bookmarks bc I've read almost everything that's out there 😔. Shout out to the masterpiece simple & clean by whir.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? So many!!! Taemin/Kai is still my #1, but also Juwon/Dongsik from Beyond Evil, PatPran from Bad Buddy (it took me several episodes to actually get into the show but once I did I cried...so much over them and how much they love each other LOL), KunTen from WayV, Louis/Lestat...I feel kinda bad that I don't have a major current f/f OTP but I'm literally checking my kpop tags multiple times a week for rule 63 fic and most of my current WIPs are rule 63 f/f so there's that. (Two KunTen including what hopefully is gonna be a long one, plus a Jigyu I started yesterday for a fest that I'm hoping I'll be able to get done - not because of the length, but because I've never written Seventeen before)

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? So many??? I feel like I have to say Dean/Cas.......Lee/Kara never really got together so them for sure. Sawyer/Kate from Lost even though I 100% choose to believe they got together post-canon pre-flash-sideways. Oh my god I'm looking through my "forever bitter" tag and it's a lot of Cooper/Audrey from Twin Peaks as I expected, but I forgot about Mini/Franky from Skins. and ABSOLUTELY THEM. Everything about series 5 was terrible but that especially.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? IDK I feel like I don't usually change my mind like that. I wouldn't go as far as saying "kind of interesting" but I guess I don't hate Bree/Roger from Outlander AS much on the show as I did in the books lol.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Hmm...Cesare/Lucrezia maybe? If not them almost definitely Norma/Dylan from Bates Motel LOL.

12. What was your favorite crack ship? I was gonna say I couldn't remember any that truly fit this definition, but then I remembered the Kent Parson/Claude Giroux series #dirtbags and that was great. Actually no my real answer is Syd/Richie from The Bear. Now *I* don't think it's a crackship but they have that vibe.

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of? Here's a side by side view of my most bookmarked ships vs the tags I have saved rn on my front page. Unfortunately you can only have 20 but I think it's a pretty good representation. (Other than the ENHA ship, where I legit don't know anything about them or frankly even what they look like, but that tag produces so much incredible unhinged porn that I read canon-blind.)

14. What most of your ships usually have in common? I feel like I have several different ~types, but: friends to lovers, I LOVE bicker-y couples, age gap relationships, especially when one of them is a mentor-ish figure, and power dynamics in general.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship? Nice Guy characters, whether they're a guy or a girl. The OG example is Xander (duh) and Chloe from Smallville but you also see it with characters like Sol on My Stand In...there's def more things I hate but that's one of most major ones for me.

[itsbooktimepeople]

Strange the Dreamer

★★★★☆

In middle school, I remember reading and really liking Laini Taylor's Daughter of Smoke and Bone series. That, and a friend's recommendation, inspired me to pick up Strange the Dreamer, and I'm so glad I did.

What is this book about? It's so creative and wonderful that it's hard to describe, but in short: Lazlo is an orphan obsessed with the lost city of Weep. Sarai is a half-goddess who lives in a giant floating citadel above the city. Lazlo accompanies other experts to Weep in order to help discover the secret of the citadel, and discovers the twisted history of the old murdered gods of Weep.

If that summary doesn't sound enticing, don't worry, because it doesn't do the book justice at all. On a more fundamental level, Strange the Dreamer is about love, both the power it gives us and has over us. It's about prejudice. It's about judging people for their parents' mistakes, and it's about what makes a hero or a villain.. (Let me just say, the themes in this book were presented excellently.)

So, as always, I will start with the things I liked.

High on the list is characterization, because holy smokes, Taylor knows how to write a protagonist. The scene where Lazlo first came to the library almost made me cry because it reminded me so much of why I fell in love with stories in the first place. He's a very genuine character, and something that really struck me was what a good person he is. I mean, lots of books have "good person" main characters, but we were never told that Lazlo is good. It's shown through his actions, and that makes all the difference. He's always willing to lend a helping hand, but he also knows when to back off, and understands that people have to star in their own stories.

And our other protagonist, Sarai, was also great. Her gift of entering and altering other people's dreams is explored deeply, and so is her relationship with Minya, who manipulated her into using her powers to bring nightmares to the citizens of Weep. A lot of Sarai's perspective dwells on her guilt and turmoil and longing to be considered a normal girl, but it never feels repetitive or annoying. When Sarai is sad, so is the reader, and when she's happy the reader rejoices.

Speaking of which, the romance also deserves a shout out. I'm not usually a fan of lovey-dovey books, but Sarai and Lazlo were so sweet together that I couldn't help but enjoy this one. They tell each other their deepest secrets and support each other's most difficult decisions. Maybe it's just me, but I also loved how slow they took their relationship. And, I think my favorite part was that, even though Sarai was raised to despise humans and Lazlo was told horrendous stories about the blue gods of Weep, they came to understand each other's people as well as love each other. And the ending completely broke my heart, but anyway

However, as wonderful as the characterization is, it pales in comparison to my favorite aspect of Strange the Dreamer, which is the sheer creativity. I think Laini Taylor must be a genius or something. I don't want to spoil the story, but let's just say the dilemma Weep is facing, the creatures that used to live there, the fact that everyone in the book has two hearts (one that pumps blood and one that pumps spirit), the tattoos the women of Weep receive, and of course the writing style... Reading this book really does feel like stepping into a dream.

To anyone who loves fantasy, I completely recommend Strange the Dreamer. I can't wait to read the sequel!