#i fucking like that being femme means i'm a girl!!!i'm also a man but i refused to crack for so long because i thought i had to give that up

[punkeropercyjackson]

'[Insert feminine term/behavior/fashion/etc here] transcends gender!!!'Well,maybe i wanna be a girl anyway.How about that.Bitch

[hotvintagepoll]

LAST POLL OF ROUND 6

Propaganda

Ingrid Bergman (Gaslight, Casablanca, Notorious)—A lot of the time hotness in a movie is just about words and framing. "You're the most beautiful person here" [vaseline lens] well I sure hope so because that's who you cast. But when, in Casablanca, they call Ingrid Bergman the most beautiful woman in the world... they were not fucking lying. And such a dynamite actor too!! I'd only seen Casablanca up until last year, and there she's confined to love interest. But in Gaslight she was maybe one of the most incredible actors I've ever seen!!!! Goddddd shes so fucking hot and cool.

Lauren Bacall (To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, Key Largo)—"Just put your lips together...and blow" excuse me ma'am i'm briefly going to turn into a kettle. She's the quintessential Femme Fatale who may betray me in the end but I'd let her it'd be worth it

This is round 6 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Ingrid Bergman:

God, she's fantastic. She's both beautiful and a compelling actor who's more than capable of putting the whole movie on her shoulders if necessary. It's worth noting that while her beauty is conventional, she was seen as refreshingly "natural" with more eyebrows and less makeup than many other leading ladies of the time. She's well known for her role in Casablanca, but in Notorious, Spellbound, (both available on archive.org ) and Gaslight (1944) she shows how immensely capable she is.

I mean...she's Ingrid Bergman. I feel like that should be enough, you know? She's physically beautiful (her eyes!) but watching her is like a transcendent experience. Her voice, her expressions... beautiful woman, beautiful actor.

I'm a gay man but even I understand her appeal. I'll watch any movie she shows up in. Gorgeous woman.

Just try and watch her movies without sighing wistfully, then get back to me!

Choosing 1-3 movies where Bergman was at her hottest was agony because, of course, she was always at her hottest. Not just because she was beautiful but because she was absolutely willing to go up against the bs women in Hollywood were constantly dealing with. When exiled from Hollywood for having an affair with Roberto Rossellini, not only did she refuse to apologize at any point, but she went on to say that Hollywood's films had grown stagnant and boring to her. Though she said she appreciated her time working there, she wanted to try new, different techniques (hence starring in Italian neorealist films, working on stage, and acting under directors like Ingmar Bergman). She was not afraid to chase after her artistic ideals and go outside the box regardless of what society had to say about it. From her first movie to her last she killed it. There's so much more to say about Bergman's career and life, but I've already written five million words so I'll stop at that.

One of the most incredible actors I've ever seen on film. Her facial expressions are so intricate and poignant that I cannot look away. I'm either ace or straight, but damn she made me question that.

SEVEN TIME OSCAR NOMINEE QUEEN. Girl also PULLED, having affairs with famously hot men Gary Cooper and Gregory Peck IN ADDITION to her three marriages...sexy

She has a very natural beauty to her, and she's from Sweden!

She left Hollywood and only became more beautiful. You could drown in her eyes. She can look innocent AND like she's seen it all. She is effortlessly elegant. She's played Joan of Arc (automatically hot) AND was in the movie that coined gaslight as a term. And where would we be without that!

She was known for being a breath of fresh air on the movie scene at the time with her windswept hair, dreamy smile and soulful eyes. I have loved her in every movie I have seen her in - she was just magnetic!

Where do I even start. There's a neighborly quality to this beautiful, talented actress that makes her hotness one of a kind and her looks impossible to forget

With a career spanning five decades, Bergman is often regarded as one of the most influential screen figures in cinematic history. Known for her naturally luminous beauty, Bergman spoke five languages – Swedish, English, German, Italian and French – and acted in each.

She's hot, don't get me wrong, but I've always found her very approachable, like she could easily be a member of my friend group

Where do I even begin with Ingrid Bergman? I fell in love with her with her astounding performance in the 1956 version of Anastasia -- the best Anastasia movie in large part due to her wonderful and touching performance. She's got this amazing, fascinating intensity to her in whatever role she's in. She commits 100%, and she's got this light in whatever she's in that's stunning. She's utterly convincing no matter what she plays, from an amnesiac possible lost princess, from a nun, from a woman taking her revenge on the town that wronged her, to light romantic comedy. She's never missed in any role I've seen her in! Also she became quite the MILF.

Lauren Bacall:

"She is soooo neat. And hot. And everything. That one scene in To Have and Have Not where she says "you know how to whistle don't you? You just put your lips together and blow" altered my brain chemistry during media archaeology class and here we are."

"The VOICE, the SLINK, the EYES. Woof."

"Lauren Bacall was a major lesbian awakening for me. Every picture of her makes it look like she’s about to destroy you physically and emotionally (why is that so hot, I may need help). She had incredible long running chemistry with her husband, Humphrey Bogart, but was an absolute star in her own right. I’ll never be over my crush on her."

"She's got that confident, no-nonsense air about her. She's a boss babe who knows what she wants and gets it DONE. Staunch liberal Democrat her whole life. Campaigned for RFK. From Wikipedia: "In a 2005 interview with Larry King, Bacall described herself as "anti-Republican... A liberal. The L-word". She added that "being a liberal is the best thing on Earth you can be. You are welcoming to everyone when you're a liberal. You do not have a small mind."" Beautiful hair. Beautiful eyes. Beautiful lips. She's just beauty. LISTEN TO HER VOICE. TELL ME THAT'S NOT THE STUFF THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF."

[genderstarbucks]

Acknowledging that transandrophobia exists is not us denying that transmisogyny exists

If you believe in transmisogyny but not transmisandry, why? Give me an actual GOOD reason

Transandrophobia is just a word to describe the shit that us trans men and transmascs go through, it says nothing about our thoughts on transmisogyny

I am a "transandrophobia truther" because I believe that transphobia specifically directed towards trans man and transmascs exist.

Yes, I do believe in transmisogyny because trans women and transfems DO face transphobia specifically for being women and fem

But I also believe that transandrophobia exists, because it fucking does

Yes, we're both trans but we face different kinds of discrimination

Transandrophobia is literally just a word describing the hate that trans men and transmascs face, just like transmisogyny is literally just a word describing the hate that trans women and transfems face

I'm tired of you people believing that trans men and transmascs don't face any oppression and are generally accepted

WE FUCKING AREN'T, ALL THESE LAWS BEING PASSED AFFECTS US TRANS MEN AND TRANSMASCS TOO

Trans men and transmascs are not seen as the "more acceptable" way to be trans

We're told:

- testosterone is a poison and will make us bad pepple

- we're transitioning to the "bad side"

- we're just little girls making "bad" decisions

We're also:

- treated as little white twinks

- treated as fucking babies

- seen as "transtrenders" if we're still femme in any way

- seen as dangerous if we're too manly or masculine

- treated as "not real men" if we menstruate, get pregnant or do anything of the sort

We're told time and time again that our identities aren't important and that the discrimination we face isn't real and that our existence just means we're transmisogynistic

How do you think we feel?

It's even worse when shit like this comes from our own community

[olderthannetfic]

I don't get my fandom. They want more queer rep. The main cast is a bisexual femme woman with a preference for women, an aroace gender-indifferent AMAB man, a genderfluid all-pronouns using AMAB person with a beard who wears a dress, and a biromantic asexual bigender AMAB man who is agender + male. The supporting cast has a lesbian girl, a middle-aged ace het woman living semi-romantically with another woman who is the main cast's (emotional) adoptive mom, and a ambiguously queer character whose gender is never really confirmed or discussed.

A big criticism I also see is "the writing team is all cishet". One, we don't know that, someone could be closeted. Two, why is that a problem? I think it's great that they went, "this makes sense for who this character is. We don't have to force them to be cishetallo just because that's what you normally see in animation. Web animation can be different. This is who this person is and that's fine."

I'm 19. I talked to my half brother, who is 38, about this and he actually choked on his coffee. He said when he was my age, nothing like this was easily accessible for him. It would have been jaw-dropping representation for him. I asked about the writers being cishetallo and he said, "who fucking cares? I would've moved Heaven and Earth to see these characters hanging out and just fucking existing back then!"

I know you get a metric fuckton of asks, but I'd love to hear your take on this. You've been in the queer community way longer than I have (I've barely started interacting with queer people IRL; I grew up in rural Wyoming) and I do wonder what this debacle looks like to people in other age groups. I'd also be curious to know what older people would've thought if they'd seen this friend group in media when they were younger. I know it means a lot to me. But I feel like I don't get what it would have meant back then.

--

Well, written up like this, it might get an eye-roll for sounding like Captain Planet casting. (You know "One of A and one of B and one of C" in a way that feels kind of forced.)

But yes, I think most older queer people when looking at the actual canon would be like "Sweet! A cast full of queer characters!"

I grew up somewhere shockingly liberal for the 90s next door to some old, married lesbians (who still live there, as it happens). It still sucked for teenagers. I had an okay time, but I was always hearing about other teens having an awful time even as the adults in the same communities did okay. And that's a very, very good version of what it was like in the 90s.

I did have access to queer media, vastly more access than most teens had. It was still mostly art films, boring coming out memoir, and The Pain of Being a Minority serious literature. What I wanted was genre fiction with a romance b-plot between queer characters I found hot. There was a bit of that, but not much.

I don't know that I personally would have killed for the exact set of queer rep in a modern show, but that makes sense. There are plenty of identities that present about the same but where people have internal reasons for choosing one or another. There are different forces making one queer identity or another more embattled at a given point in time. So while broadly similar queer people have always existed, there actually are fads in identity to an extent. (This is different from "wharrgarbl, the blue hairs with their pronouns!!!", which is just people being ahistorical assholes.) Modern media does and should reflect these differences. It might be for me, but it's going to be for 40-something me, not teenage me if it's coming out right now. If it's for current teens, it's not for teen me.

But yeah, in a general sense, I agree with your brother: "Damn, we have so much today! That's cool!"

The kvetching is usually people being angry that it's not representing their exact slice of queerness instead of someone else's. Or, let's be honest, a lot of it is "You didn't make my ship happen! How dare?!" dressed up as activism.

...

One thing I will say is that teenagers were extremely dramatic in my day too, and black-and-white thinking was just as common. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is not new. Yes, your fandom is full of idiots, but I wouldn't read too much into it.

[turtlesocksv2]

4 Minutes ep 4

lol oh we're just jumping right in to Win finding out Tonkla's a murderer??? Ok! i like it! But anyway Win, you better answer that phone when your murder twink is calling, you promised! I really need clarification on where in the timeline the cold opens are, i know they're in a separate timeline but WHERE in the separate timeline.

"let's go to the hospital! Where hopefully i can talk to Tyme and ask him What The Fuck?!" LMAO Great you cannot interrupt a surgery just because you want to ask your situationship What The Fuck?!

These flash backwards are getting more and more intense for Great. Yeah, i'm thinking the theory that he's actively dying on the table are true, because it's taking more and more to restart his heart each time.

"i don't have any more family, I feel lost" "You still have me" my GUY, please! he's known you for like a week or two at most! Win is down baaaaaad. Tonkla has him completely dickmatized AND pussywhipped.

Sammon really does love the "let's move in together to protect each other from the shady guys trying to stop us from Investigating Crime" and you know what? Good for her. I respect it.

Oh shit, here comes Korn. Explosion commencing in 5...4...

Win;s little pantsless shuffle is so funny. If I was Tonkla I would not be letting Korn's trifling ass in my house.

Korn, Tonkla is CLEARLY not feeling it. Read the room. At least when Tonkla manages to tell Korn what happened, Korn does immediately stop and go into Rich Guy I Can Fix This mode. The absolute LEAST he can do after ghosting his sugarbaby for weeks.

Aww, poor Win is so upset about Korn. he really is the nicest character on this show, like, as a person. everyone else is kind of awful in different ways. And I mean, he IS a cop so he's not immune but. He really is a decent human being!

He can also pick Tonkla up and fuck him against a wall which is What Tonkla Deserves. get that Hot Cop Dick, Tonkla.

Ooooooh, Tonkla's cat is dead and that's why he looked so Shook ep 1 when that black cat showed up. and I see why Tonkla's been pining for senpai, Korn is very sweet with him here in the flashback.

Korn broke his promise to go public with their relationship. so disappointing but not surprising.

Glad we're all being validated about the 4 minutes brain death thing.

the time honored tradition of getting your mark drunk to get him to spill his secrets. good job remembering to delete the evidence that you sent it to yourself, Great!

But of course Great goes by himself. sheltered little rich boy doesn't realize the danger.

Adrenaline High Great is very cute, but it makes me worried that his heart is like, gonna explode. the man is Fragile. Bible and characters with heart problems 2/3

I really don't know what's going to happen once Korn wakes up, hungover, and gets told that Great took Nan. Or once Daddy Sriwatsombat gets told. Like, Great was not thinking ahead.

Fuaiz and Bible are playing two very different kinds of Babygirl . Tonkla is Femme Fatale version and Great is Girl Next Door. if Next Door is a Gated Community.

Oooooo, I love the reveal of Dome being Tonkla's brother and there being 2 timelines. Like, we all assumed it, but the way they did it with the blur and the text on tonkla's shirt and the camera work, the shadow reveal of the memorial tablet...I loved it.

this show is so fucking good you guys.

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

This might sound defensive but if you're attracted to a 100% binary trans man as a woman then that's straight regardless of what you say, because trans men are men full stop, maybe it's unintentional for you but there's a lot of trans men aren't really men or are women-lite shit going around, reanalyze yourself and your transphobia because that's straight up awful shit and I'm so sick of seeing this being spread around it's fucking conversion therapy shit disguised as something positive reanalyze why you want trans men to be with lesbians so badly when lesbians traditionally mean and is understood by wide society to be women liking women, like actually sit and think about that, maybe it's hard to admit that it's offense but good fucking god

You seem to be under the assumption that I am forcing the tran men who identify as Lesbians to be not fully men or women lite and you are very wrong?? I do not see a trans man as any less of a man for being a Lesbian. He is a Man and A Lesbian. They are both true. They are not conflicting labels just because of societies perceptions of a word that was forcefully adjusted after Lesbian separatism.

Yow however are the one assigning those people a sexuality based on how you see their relationships. Is a woman supposed to break up or change her entire sexuality because her partner came out and she didn't stop being attracted to him? What if she still primarily dates women after they breakup for unrelated reasons? Does she earn being a Lesbian back? Or maybe consider how many trans men are butches in the community who are Men and Lesbians and their femmes love them and are no less lesbian to any of their peers. What about those who are firmly Trans men and Trans Women at the same time? Do they stop being a lesbian on "Man days"? Do they earn it back on women days? You know, to make sure on "man days" they aren't viewed as Womenlite for being a lesbian by their own choice. Where's the line anon?

It sounds defensive because it is. You are not reading a word I've said about any of this and are shoving shit I don't believe into my inbox under the guise that you think I condone any of what the fuck you iust said.

I am a man and spend half my time fighting to be seen properly as one against transphobic Lesbians who insist I have to be a Girl Butch otherwise they have the right to dictate who I can date. I fucking know more than enough about people who want to change my gender to fit their transphobic views. I spend an entire portion of my blog fighting about transmasculine rights if you bothered to look around before you sent this accusatory ask.

Some Trans Men are Lesbians because THEY WANT TO BE. When I talk about Lesbian Trans Men I am talking about ME and THEM. If you cannot understand that then you are not having the same conversation as me.

Also the fucking Lesbiphobia of revoking someones right to be a Lesbian because you don't see it that way is disgusting. Who the fuck are you to think it's okay to tell somone they aren't who they say they are? we got a council that can kick us out of our little clubs since that's how you wanna treat these identities?

[the-everqueen]

Definitely curious about the genderflip Sandman fic 👀

SAME. as in, this is only a concept on the back burner of my brain because i haven't really worked out a satisfying answer to the central q of the thing which is: what does a gender flip DO to these characters?

because here's the thing. i think 99.9% of the time a genderswap au is unnecessary and boring. (not to mention essentialist as hell.) boys have pussies, girls have dicks, people of all genders are intersex, etc. some of us notgirls and failguys just want to vicariously experience our fave getting his clit sucked or her prostate massaged. i personally hate fics that go "but what if these [cis] dudes were [cis] GIRLS" and then proceed to strip the characters of everything that makes them compelling, that makes THEM, because at that point you might as well just flesh out your OCs and maybe interrogate your internalized misogyny and transphobia while you're at it.

anyways.

in the case of sandman, i am (transparently, obviously) curious about what happens if the Corinthian is not designed to be (read as) a man. in the comix, he very much embodies the fears and risks associated with gayness in the 90s (the AIDS epidemic, the dual violence of the closet and/or being outed, the culture around cruising, intersections of race and class with queerness in U.S. urban areas, etc). in the show that's subtly shifted to be a broader umbrella of queerness as well as a very 21st century anxiety around surveillance/public vs private that also taps into a cultural fascination with serial killers. in both cases, him reading as white, middle-aged U.S. man is a CRUCIAL part of what he signifies. he looks like (and takes advantage of being) someone with a lot of social privilege, across multiple categories. no one is going to question why he's in a fancy hotel, a conference room, a seedy bar, a suburb. OBVIOUSLY that changes if any one of these categories changes. i'm thinking about how and also what that means.

(the dreaming spinoff comix tried to do a Thing with a female Corinthian: while Coco spends a year as a real boy, a trans woman named Echo takes his place in the Dreaming. the spinoff handles Echo...really poorly. [i wrote a whole paragraph here trying to distill her arc but it's tangential to this post so suffice to say: it was Bad.] Echo is posed as this "femme fatale" type because i guess if the Corinthian is a woman, she'd also have to be sexy and alluring to the (heterosexist) male gaze. imho this was a cop-out, but then again...what about that spinoff wasn't.)

on some level i'm not sure the Corinthian could ever be anything besides the Corinthian, if that makes sense. as in, if you change anything about him, maybe then he ceases to be the Corinthian and becomes something else entirely. Dream can take different forms (and Overture has a femme!Dream) because stories can take different forms across cultures and times and species. but the Corinthian is intrinsically tied up in humanity and its biomythic nature. and what we think of as Human, as Sylvia Wynter reminds us, is very much tied up in narratives around identity including race, gender, and class.

at the same time my id absolutely wants a butch lesbian Corinthian who uses he/him pronouns. mostly because lesbian and wlw sex STILL gets dismissed or sanitized or erased or pathologized, even though queer women remain subject to state, police, and domestic violence at higher rates than their straight and/or cis counterparts. (also yes i'm counting my trans hermanas y primas, t*rfs can fuck right off.) but also because i'm a fagdyke with religious trauma who relates very hard to god's failed masterpiece.

[docholligay]

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch

Nonspoilery: This is a super fun read that is very much in keeping with how I like my fantasy. I wish it were slightly more on the con man side, but I recognize that those are very difficult to write because one needs to actually be clever enough to come up with the insanely clever plan that unfolds, and, you know what, I'm not there either. But it absolutely is a fun crimey fantasy novel, well written that expects you can actually follow a line of description and maybe even look up a big word, that tries very hard not to bore you with needing to refer to a glossary or map.

I will say, and I'll talk about this more below: There are basically no women in this novel. it's a little disappointing. I still overall think it's worth it if you like this sort of thing though.

SPOILERS BELOW:

THIS is the kind of thing pitchless draw was made for. You could not have talked me into reading this book. Unless you possess an incredible skill--I'm not sure *I* could have talked me into reading this book, and supposedly no one knows me better.

But I did really enjoy myself. This is a flat out FUN novel, that doesn't mind being long but never feels long. I LOVED the long bits of description in this book, I BEG for flavor in some many modern novels that strip away anything that isn't an immediate moving of the ball. Actually, one of the things I would say that's not a criticism so much as a preference, is that I feel like this book, and probably this writer, remembering his short story from Rogues, is more plot-driven than character driven. I am a girl who loves a really interior novel, and this isn't that, but it did not stop me from having a GREAT time. It's a romp.

I like Locke, and his whole backstory. I wish he were a woman. Specifically, I would love to see a femme con artist, second coming of Minako Aino, Becky Sharp ass bitch. THAT would be my dream for Locke Lamora. And I know my friends who have read this book all want butch Locke and I love that for you, and I know y'all have known me long enough to know I love a butch, but I deserve a treat as well, and I LOVE con artists, and goddamnit, if I could change one thing about this novel, Locke Lamora would be a femme lesbian and I would change NOTHING else. You wouldn't even have to. One fo the great things about Lynch not being a real interior writer is literally any of the mains could be a woman and it would change nothing.

This does segue into the big problem here--there's no women in this novel. It's a 700 page book and I could condense the lines said by women into like two or three pages. I actually DO get it. I think we're reaping a little bit of what we've sown, as a community, with the requirement for perfection in our representation that leads to very boring and safe choices. Everyone is a man. We're only swarthy at best. Can't be criticized for bad identity writing if you don't write them at all! ANd this isn't me being salty, I get how that happens, I have also sometimes fallen into making any character of identity boring as fuck or not writing them at all to avoid any criticism. And no one cares about ME, I'm not a best seller. I do think, maybe, people will get better about this. Pendulums and all. I miss the awkward, good faith 90s where you had the United Colors of Benetton and one character who randomly celebrated Hanukkah. We'll see.

ANYHOW NOT RELEVANT. But I do find it irritating that because of this, we don't see women in this huge story at all. None of the gang, even though it would have been easy as fuck to make, say, Bug a girl. Even doing something like making Nazca Barsavi the actual heir apparent, and to have her marrying Locke because she knows he won't try to be Capa, and she'll let him do whatever the fuck he wants, can play the henpecked husband while being the Thorn of Camorr, could be really fun and would do more for Nazca and also play up their friendship. It could make her death mean a lot more, if they were running their own little Barsavi con.

Anyhow, the really fantastic behind the scenes worldbuilding was how I wish more fantasy novels did it. It didn't often try to explain things to me, it spoke as if I mostly understood them, or had cahracters say them in ways that made sense to the story (In this capacity, Lukas Fehrwright is fucking BRILLIANT as Someone That Must Have Camorr Explained). So I didn't feel like I was being sat down and told the history of a place I barely know, while having stupid fucking vocabulary words thrown at me. We never define any physik or magic beyond what needs be done because fuck you that's why. I love it. Thank you for not telling me what alchemical botany can or can't do. Thank you for dropping literally only what I need to kjnow about wraithstone into the plot. You have a crown in heaven.

Or I know I said I wish it would have been more con-ny and less "kill the new mob boss" at the end there, but oh my fuck, how much did I love the whole job at the counting house. I SCREAMED. It was so good, I had no clue where it was going the whole time and I would never have gotten there, but I LOVED it. What a great time.

One...weakness, for me, I guess I'll say, is that lack of interiority makes it hard to really feel the weight of some things. We don't get enough about Galdo, Calo, or Bug to feel anything for them, and I knew Bug was dead from the time he showed up. Actually, I thought we were going to kill jean Tannen, because that was the only relationship REALLY laden with emotional weight in the book. Didn't bother me enough to not recommend the book, as I'm mostly recommending it on fun, but I did notice.

ANYWAY, uh...any specific questions I'm happy to take!

Unfortunately, this means that @verbforverb nabbed me again. So, I had a great time reading the book but at what cost

[genderqueerdykes]

heya

i can't sleep because my sexuality in relationship to my gender has been bothering me.

im transmasc, but genderfluid. not just boy/girl genderfluidity, it's all over the place. and i feel like i identify with being a gay man sometimes, and i also go through periods of feeling like a masculine lesbian.

i know how controversial this is and it breaks my heart because i can't figure out what to do. i know my identity should be for me, but i don't want to make people uncomfortable if i come off as a boy who's a lesbian sometimes.

also i feel intense imposter syndrome over this when i switch around. but it undeniably makes me feel like myself when i say I'm a transmasc genderfluid bi lesbian, which makes me feel good of course. i just wish i could stop feeling bad about it

is any of this normal and is there any other genderfluid ppl with complicated relationships to their sexuality? i feel alone here i guess

love your blog btw makes me happy and validated when i read what you and your followers have to say to people 💖

hello! thanks for stopping by!

i think it can be very easy to work ourselves up and over think things when it comes to how people will receive us in queer spaces- online queer spaces have been needlessly hostile over the past few years, mostly due to the relative anonymity and virtually zero consequences for being harmful and rude. it's okay to get scared sometimes

it may seem 'contradictory' or 'controversial' but it isn't that uncommon to go from identifying as a gay man to identifying as a masculine lesbian! genderfluidity means your genders can be. whatever. there's no set rules, and it's okay if your attraction changes when your gender does. mine does, as well. abrosexual and abroromantic may suit you

you don't have to pass any tests or anything like that to be successfully seen as genderfluid, it's okay if you change to be whatever, whenever. i always identify as a butch lesbian & a femme gay bear, all the time, no matter how I feel or who is fronting in my system. while some cishets may not get it, most queer people i explain this to say "oh yeah, i totally caught that vibe"

it can be scary to have "Strange" identities, but the meaning of "queer" is literally "weird" and having a weird identity falls right in line with the community. you're allowed to be a transmasculine lesbian, and you are even allowed to be a male/boy lesbian- there is no actual cosmic rule stating that lesbians cannot be men, partially men, or be genderfluid and be men sometimes

regardless of how others perceive you, you know who you are. you are the arbiter of your lived experience, and while someone misinterpreting you can be painful and inconvenient, it shouldn't define your experience. if people don't understand, keep going til you find the ones who do, and the ones who try to. even if people don't "Get" your gender, there are a lot of folks who will respect it, anyways, and you deserve that

hope that helps and makes sense. take care of yourself, good luck out there. there are no rules when it comes to be genderfluid. genderfluid people are encouraged to fuck with gender, rules, roles, presentation, etc. and it's only natural that a genderfluid person will have identities that "conflict" when approached through a non-queer lens. identities don't have to "make sense", they are mostly comprised of feelings !

good luck out there! feel free to stop by again

[punkeropercyjackson]

The meltdowns tboys have when you tell them we can't say f*mboy because it's a tma term.And i mean like MELTDOWNS mra style,not being ableist insulting autism(i'm audhd with anxiety and mdd and bpd + ptsd myself),like full on freak outs when i say they can't say a slur that dosen't apply to us.It's not the same thing as the f slur or the t slur because those are umbrella terms and universally used by queerphobes which is why it's stupid to categorize them.When a transmasc gets called the fb slur,they are still being gendered correctly and said to be just a feminine male but when a transfem gets called that,they are being degendered and violated as the fb is also a porn term and that's how it originated.It's the same thing as tr*p and f*ta,it's not about us.It's not about men,it's about trans women.You are not immune to misogyny based off being afab and thinking you are is bioessentialism you should unlearn.You're 'a manly man'?Then prove it,bro.Treat the girls right instead of talking about wanting to fuck them so they'll shut up and stop having standards for themselves over being your girlfriends.As a black femme transfag dating a trans woman,i'm not part of your 'community' and you don't deserve to even breathe the same air as my girlfriend or my platonic transfem friends,ESPECIALLY the transbians you keep speaking over.Grown up sized white testosterone babies

[drdemonprince]

Is there actually a way to stop fawning, especially when you're not a white cis person? All I hear everyone say is to "be more assertive" but I feel like there's no way I can comfortably be assertive when because of my identity I feel at risk 90% of the time, and at the same time bending over backwards to avoid conflict with anyone is costing me my mental and physical health. I feel like it would be important to unmask, but at the same time the world doesn't make it easy. Is there a way out?

What I have seen tend to work for unmasking POC is more of a "go girl give us nothing" kind of solid reservedness rather than outright assertiveness. Think the main character of Nope. It's clear when he disagrees with something or believes someone has a bad idea, but he also doesn't trouble himself with convincing those that might not hear.

Another strat that works for more extroverted types is to learn how to use diplomatic language or a kind of teacher-y filled with wonder voice to impart hard truths but smooth over some of the tension.

A Black female colleague of mine is the master of carefully asking clarifying questions that lead the answerer to acknowledge problems, rather than ever having to air them directly herself. She hedges and shrugs and thinks carefully as she brings this stuff up. And once somebody else voices a concern, she sidles in with some solutions, which she always frames as the work of other people -- management researchers, other department chairs, conventional norms, whatever. So she never ever ever comes across as pushing for any agenda, she just guides and offers resources. It's a master class in managing her own manager, which sadly she has to do.

Tactics like these all requires learning and systematizing many social rules, and deploying intentional masking rather than reflexive masking -- and using masking to achieve your goals and uphold your values, rather than masking to make people like you, which is an altogether different experience.

I do not feel good passing on this advice. It's a fucking sham you have to worry about tone policing or being seen as hostile or even being arrested or fired for simply being assertively yourself. The additional cognitive load of code switching and strategically masking means that you are more contextually disabled than your white cis peers who generally don't have such worries.

And I'm also a white person read as nonthreatening, so be skeptical of me and my advice. I worry about being an imposing man or a condescending dick quite often, and calibrate my social performance accordingly -- indeed I always have, even prior to transition. and I care about this stuff so I listen to trans femmes, Black trans mascs, butch lesbians, trans women of color, fat people, tall people, and others who get misread in these ways. But noticing and synthesizing trends can only take me so far.

If youre a trans person of color who unmasks, please drop your tips in the notes and feel free to tell me these ideas are not it.

[candiid-caniine]

gender euphoria

[cw: this is NOT a detrans/misgendering kink post, but tries to subvert some of those tropes, so please treat it with caution!]

sissy kink blogs DNI

outside the bedroom, i demand respect. i own my pronouns, talk openly about genderqueerness, and flaunt androgyny.

but inside the bedroom...my relationship with gender changes. i'm transsexual in the sense that power dynamics in my sexual relationships directly influence my gender(s). what do i mean by this? i mean i want you to treat my non-conformity as a blank slate on which to project your preferred gender.

i am an "it," first and foremost. but i can be a "she," a "they," or a "he" if so inclined. i can be your butch, your femme, your fag, your twink, your femboy, whatever you want me to be.

and i'll resist. that's part of the fun of it: in day-to-day life, i'm most comfortable as an occasionally femme-leaning androgyne. that makes it fun to push back, easy to feel vulnerable, uncomfortable, and a little self-conscious (though not dysphoric) in a different presentation.

i take any pronouns, after all. so butches who love femmes, goad me into skirts, lacy lingerie, makeup, stockings, heels. watch me falter and cling to your side when we go out, feeling like i'm being stared at, unaccustomed to the kind of attention high-femmes usually get. make me show off my cleavage. call me "she" exclusively without switching. call me a good girl, call me a princess, make me suck your cock like a good little wife. force me to grow my hair out for you, yes, the undercut, too, and watch me get fussy and flustered at the unwelcome sensory input of it touching my neck. get me long acrylics, watch me fumble at everything requiring the use of my fingers; step in to help, coo over your clumsy girl - it's basically like mitting a puppy, isn't it?

if you prefer masc partners, get me a binder. watch me squirm at the compression. get me on a workout regimen to bulk up, even; spend a lot of time proving to me that no matter how fit i get, you'll always overpower me. no more cutesy hair clips, no more high-waisted jeans, or skirts, or femme-ish jewelry: make me your boyfriend. coach me into talking in a lower register. order T for me off the dark web, admire my stubble and my bottom growth. if you top, fuck me in the ass exclusively. if you bottom, get me the strap that best reflects your preferences. i'd even get top surgery, as long as you're paying~

or mix the two. make me your femboy. get me a packer, but also dresses. nitpick me over the right mix of boy-as-girly, watch me get more and more desperate to please your expectations, until at last i'm just surrendering my wardrobe to you, losing confidence in my ability to dress "properly." call me a good boy, your pretty little prince. i'm even okay with the gentle kind of goading, the presentation-shaming, calling me soft, saying i'm not dressing like a real man, if that's what you want.

or just lean in fully to the genderless thing that i want to be in the bedroom, but make it be all the time. what does an "it/its" look like? when your gender is pet, how do you present in public? well, that's up to you. maybe it's the most revealing clothes you can find, or simply the most embarrassing: underwear and pants that are a bit too small, riding up my ass and cunt constantly. shirts with slogans like "young, dumb, and full of cum" or "clown school graduate." anything that makes other people think i'm ditzy, impressionable, and silly, or don't know my own wardrobe sizes. collars, 24/7, are, of course, mandatory. maybe cuffs, too.

the whole time, watch me be unsure as my androgyny is picked apart, more and more of my core gender identity bent to your whims. watch me automatically start to seek your approval on any piece of clothing or jewelry i own. i'll start letting you speak to the hairdresser at salons, giving up any autonomy i have over my own hairstyle. you could take me to a piercer or a plastic surgeon or a tattoo artist, tell them what you want me to look like, and i'll sign the consent forms. treat my lack of gendered presentation as a clean slate, free for you to write your mark all over. make me your creature. as if i wasn't already.

[thelesbianpoirot]

I didn’t know Audre Lorde was critical of butch/femme dynamics but I’m going to look into it because I mostly find non lesbians critiquing it and they don’t really have nuance. When I was a newly out lesbian I tried to fit into the femme mold but it’s not really me and honestly even with all the articles and books and interview I’ve read about it, other than being two women, the whole aspect of having roles and being feminine still doesn’t seem all that different from a straight woman performing femininity for a guy. Maybe there’s something I’m not getting but a femme lesbian walking down the street fully made up is going to be indistinguishable from a regular straight woman? I’ve heard women say they’re subverting expectations by practicing hyper femininity or not shaving but they’re still feminine so either way they’re still doing exactly what’s expected? Idk I have a few friends that are into that and they’re pretty much replicate traditional male/female courting dynamics it feels pretty rigid but that’s probably because it’s not for me. I’m not against it on the whole just personally. Honestly I feel like a lot of people get caught up in this and other categories while forgetting that the main aspect of lesbianism is just being a female homosexual lol

Audre Lorde made her position clear in the feminist sex wars debates of the 80s. She lumped in butch femme roleplay in with BDSM, porn and other topics of that time. I first saw her position in her book and it is the first time I saw the term "Kyky" girls for lesbians who weren't butch or femme. She was not a liberal feminist by today's standards. She wouldn't go near the "pink pony club".

“I wasn't cute or passive enough to be "femme," and I wasn't mean or tough enough to be "butch." I was given a wide berth. Non-conventional people can be dangerous, even in the gay community.”

― Audre Lorde, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/pdf/10.1300/J155v01n03_04

You don't have to fit the butch femme roleplay dynamics. I look butch, I am a big ol woman, who dresses masc, I only wear men's clothes from church donation drives/thrifting, and I use butch a lot as a shorthand to describe my appearance, however, I do not agree with people whose approach to butch is like many people's current approach to gender. How I present myself has no relation to how I show emotion, my interests, or what I expect from a partner emotionally or sexually. You will hear young entitled people on social media characterize the butch much like a man with toxic masculinity, and some women want to fit into this mold, and as a result create a dynamic that mirrors the restriction and abuse of straight relationships. I also am critical of how people use "I'm femme" as an excuse to never boycott beauty rituals and companies that exploit women and women's insecurity. That man on the street does not give a fuck about the complicated reason you have for shaving, he sees a woman who looks like she's following the rules, she is to be used against a woman who is not. You can be a femme in your lovely sundress, flowers in your hair, ear rings and painted nails, and still have unshaved legs and a bareface. Why does my butchness means my woman is trapped in the prison of beauty culture? Why does her femmeness means she won't maintain a job to help me with finances or return affection in the way I give her. I loved seeing the video of that femme woman proposing to her butch fiancee and her feeling so loved and comfortable that she can cry. In the ridge way these kids want to play at being butch and femme being romantic to a butch isn't supposed to happen. We are both women no matter what we wear and how comfortable we feel expressing ourselves, and we both deserve to live in dignity, self respect and get loved up. "I’m not against it on the whole just personally. Honestly I feel like a lot of people get caught up in this and other categories while forgetting that the main aspect of lesbianism is just being a female homosexual lol" This we can agree with, I have been in this kind of relationship and people can act wild about it, at the end of the way it is sexual roleplay mixed with expression of identity, but it isn't the end all be all of lesbians. And Being butch for Butch isn't the end of the world. Never is Femme for Femme. These types of pairings are perfectly legitimate. Or being a lesbian who refuses to label herself no matter how she presents. If something isn't for you it can feel restrictive, but as an outside observer, you're right in feeling some people take it to an offensive level.

[recreationaldivorce]

2 vulnerable questions. i am afab non-binary but have taken t to the point where i pass as a man, while also identifying as femme and wearing mostly high feminine clothing. i identified as trans & “feminine” separately but i feel i betray some tgirls when we feel kinship & then they find out my sex and i get the feeling that i might be i guess, idk, a sex traitor if that makes sense? but there really is no other way for me to perform femininity but through taking my hormones, so there’s my conundrum

a second thing that happened between me & a girl, she had a crush on me and i found out later that she used to be a missionary, & went to south africa specifically to evangelize black s.africans with her fiancé, and i remember being super uncomfortable with the fact (& also the fact that she was willing to eat any rare meat, including like cheetah & zebra & shit i guess) even though it was in her past, & i ghosted/pushed her away bc of my deep discomfort with that. do you think it sounds like i have internalized transmisogyny in me in specific areas that i need to address?

thank you for your time (:’

i am not sure what you mean by "sex traitor" here. there is obviously nothing wrong with being cafab, taking t, and being feminine in combination. i'm not really understanding what you're saying the issue is here tbh, you can feel kinship with transfem people without being transfem yourself, that's fine obviously. if you mean about being assumed to be transfem, i dont think it's anyone's responsibility to clarify what their gender situation/agab/etc is upon other people assuming, you're entitled to privacy. imo the problem in that field is tme people deliberately trying to imply/suggest they're tma while making use of not explicitly stating it for plausible deniability, but just existing as a tme person who has been through androgenic puberty and is feminine does not fall into that lol, plenty of post medical transition transmasc people present femininely.

as for the second thing, i am not sure what that has to do with transmisogyny unless the girl in question happened to be trans? i mean like fuck missionaries and colonisers idk not much to say there. i think it's completely understandable to feel uncomfortable around someone with that past even if they say it's in the past lol, i've never met someone who claimed to be a reformed racist or whatever who wasnt actively racist towards me. like not saying it's impossible to rehabilitate them but they're unlikely to do it on their own naturally, we really need actual reeducation programmes for racists. but that's kinda off topic.

[transmascrage]

TLOU Episode 3 and Masculinity

(Crossposted on Reddit, that's why I'm explaining that I'm trans)

I hadn't cried this hard in so long. This episode broke me in the best way.

It's not just the beautiful life Bill and Frank have together, it's how deeply I felt their first meeting. Bill being so hunched over and stiff until he realized Frank was safe to be queer and vulnerable around, and them crying because they found another person like themselves in the apocalypse.

Queer people still experience these emotions without all the zombies around, and it was so great to see happy queer people in a genre-setting where many fans assume a patriarchal and heteronormative system will be the norm, and that all civil and social rights "won't matter anymore". Lord knows how many times I've heard people say "If we were in the apocalypse, no one would respect your pronouns" like that's supposed to hurt my feelings? Bring back the attack helicopter jokes at this point.

I feel like unless you're queer yourself, you won't understand why Frank asking "Who's the girl?" and Bill replying "There is no girl" and bursting into tears says so much with few words.

Frank is testing the waters, he can tell Bill has some queerness to him (gaydar is real, it's just being able to pick up on subtle cues, and the only reason most cishet people are bad at it is becayse you need to engage with queer spaces and media to see them), but he's testing how aware Bill is of it and how he'll react to a gay man near him when he's repressed it for so long.

And Bill breaks down because he feels safe enough to do so around him, and he can tell Frank will understand why there is no girl.

And then later, Frank asking if he's ever had sex with anyone before, and Bill saying "There was a girl, a long time ago" and Frank saying "I know" made me so emotional because Frank is saying "I know you tried to fit in, and it didn't work".

And then I cried again when Frank asked him to spend their last day together. And then again when Bill decided to die with him.

Bill's message to Joel reminded me of some old queer books, like Stone Butch Blues, I read where butch lesbians defend their femme lovers, or where sensitive, femme gay men are defended by masc gay men. Not as a "simulation" of het relationships, but as a way of protecting the less vulnerable members of the community.

After all, while Bill is the one mostly protecting Frank, Frank also defends Bill when the raiders attack. He jumps in the line of fire to take him back inside and tends to his wound, saving his life. And Tess isn't just a "defendee" either, she's very capable and protects Joel and Ellie (as well as herself) in the short time we see her. Furthermore, she's never treated by Joel as just someone to protect. While he wants her to be safe, he lets her do her thing while guaranteeing her backup if she needs it.

It's like when adult queer people (the mature ones, at least) defend younger queer people with tooth and nail, because they can be really obnoxious and open about their queerness (in an endearing way, I promise!) and we won't let the world hurt our young. It's saying, "Actually, making your entire personality about being gay/trans IS a necessary part of the process, so fuck off!"

I saw someone on TikTok say episode 3 made him want to be a better man, and I think protecting the people you love is an amazing ideal of masculinity to uphold. I'm a trans man, which means I've had to analyze my view of manhood and masculinity than most cis men do, and I also think this is the conclusion I've gotten to.

Lastly, I'm actually pleasantly surprised at how the fandom took this episode! I mean yeah, there were the expected homophobic comments, but they're so cartoonishly hateful it's hard to take them seriously.

The rest of the public saying they disliked it seemed to be people who wanted the episode to be like the game, and for Joel to meet up with Bill. Which is fair, honestly (though I disagree).

The rest has been really accepting! I've seen so many cishet men saying they loved the episode and even cried watching it. It makes me hopeful that things are getting better even in fandom spaces that are traditionally homophobic, like gaming communities.

[butchybats]

hey i'm answering later but here I am! I agree that it would be super interesting to change everyone's gender in the chronicles. Except for reasons Gabrielle ajahaha.

I want lesbian Loumand with femme Louis (now Louisa/Louise) as much as i need Lesbian Devil's minion with butch Daniel (Dani?). (Louis(e) and Armand as women are just the two opposite stereotype of girls who graduated from catholics schools btw.)

I have also lots of headcanon/brainrot about Lesbian Armand's and gender presentation through the centuries and how this subject may overlap with Armand's canon story of changing identities and adapting to different environments etc

I agree with you that keeping Marius a man with girl!Armand is very eww. I mean I find their relationship disturbing and creepy (even if psychologically fascinating) even in canon when they are two men or in au when they are both women tho. But it also gets more interesting to explore if they are both men or women imho even if imho it doesn't get less predatory.

Sorry if my headcanon are kinda random and not as deep and well-build as yours ahahah

Oh I totally agree with you keeping Gabrielle the same!!! (Although transfemme gabrielle would be really cool I just don’t know if it would work the same story wise y’know?)

YOU ARE SO RIGHT FOR FEMME LOUIS!!!! I desperately need weird sad theatre des vampires era r63 loumand

I would love to hear your thoughts on lesbian Armand’s presentation because really there’s so much to work with there especially as you said how canon Armand is constantly adapting so I can see her changing stuff up depending on what’s going on at the time

Okay I’m not a fan of Marius/Armand (unless it’s in a meta way like I think it’s fun to analyze their weird ass relationship) THAT BEING SAID. Fem!marius. Umm i can get behind that :] I think it’s hot when women are fucked up and I’ve lost the plot HGHG but yeah lesbians in venice I would love to see how things change or stay the same with both Armand and Marius being women

And lastly never apologize for your stuff!!! Your hcs are lovely and I was excited to see them!!!