#i fucking HATE anxiety
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2023 marks the first year ive ever said no to my abusive parents
I should feel good, instead the ptsd is running havoc on my body :3
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if you ever feel stupid just know that i woke up 4am to teach a class at 8am
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I always feel kinda bad when I see a random sitting on a bench in Sky, and my anxiety stops me from interacting with them. Either that or, like tonight, I don't plan on staying on for very long. I'm just there to do dailies and a quick candle run.
But today I had someone light candles with me and repeatedly honk at and follow me around. If I didn't have work tomorrow, I would have gladly stopped to say hello. Now I feel like an ass for walking away...
Just me being self-conscious, but are there any emotes I can use to say "I really can't stop right now"? Or is it just better to keep moving. They were attempting to follow me EVERYWHERE. At least until I apparently reached a spot they couldn't go because of the spirit gate. Maybe I should have at least stopped to see what they wanted? I dunno...
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FYI I have to get up Fridays and Saturdays at 4:30 am for work. So I keep game time on Thursday down to an hour or so if I play in the evening. No more than 2 hours.
#Sky: Children of the Light#rant#I feel like an ass right now#advice wanted#am I overthinking this?#I don't know how new they were#didn't really get a look at how many stars were on their cape#they had the default hair but wore one of the current season capes#and they had the bird call that sounds like a trumpet#I fucking hate anxiety#and I hate my conscience#gonna go punch Jimmeny Cricket now#you have NO IDEA how many damn videos I had to go through to find that one#most were Squidward saying jerk instead of the donkey sound playing#and others were a 'RIP headphone users' donkey sound#Youtube
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anxiety is stupid. what the fuck do you mean I'm "in danger" I'm in bed motherfucker. what's gonna get me? the hat man? he owes ME money goddammit.
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I'm so sorry. I hate worrying everyone because of stupid things. I can't help it. I'm so afraid. I'm so fucking sorry. You don't deserve this
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Any tips for coping up with anxiety?
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I fucking hate not being able have a support system.
#value me or fuck off#I fucking hate anxiety#I fucking hate me for who I am#I am not a fucking doormat
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On this shittest ass vacation and have basically two more days to go before I’m home and it’s a big “try not to have a mental breakdown challenge” and somehow I’m making it even though I get terrible fucking thoughts on the daily and masking so hard
#meg text#might delete later cause I hate venting but fuck#I had a shitty summer overall but not looking forward to it being over soon#and this is how I spend the last week#it fucking peaked in May with meeting Lex that’s how bad its been#writing fics or watching new shows or playing new games have been highlights but like not big ones#and I’m stressing over how no plans I wanted to do got done which range from going to the beach to actually doing stuff I promised#l wanted to talk to more people and hoped in my status people would talk to me but nope didn’t happen#I fucking hate anxiety
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Idk who decided to curse me with insomnia but please leave me alone. I just want to sleep in peace and not lash out at people :(
#vent post#insomia#i fucking hate anxiety#i didn't sign up for this#Its like summer 4 years ago again and I hate it#If I pull an all nighter again I think I'll go insane
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looks like i won't be sleeping til em gets up
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My anxiety is fucked right now. My chest hurts 🙃
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Nights like tonight I wish I had someone to cuddle with. Just have that companionship and telling me everything will be alright.
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ahhhhhhhfjjfjgjfjjfjcjskvjkzjfjsjfjjdjgjfjgkskfk
#i fucking hate anxiety#so i’m messaging this girl on bumble cause i’m an idiot who can barely talk irl#and we kinda hit a stale mate where we were talking about bollywood movies and she said we should watch one sometime#and i said sure :) when and where#and this was like yesterday afternoon right#SHIT ton of stuff happened in between so i lowkey forgot about it until she replied today afternoon#and i think when kinda hit a stalemate cuz neither of us thought we’d get this far#so she just said whenever and wherever#(so i’ve had the shakira song stuck in my head half the day but not important)#and i was just talking to my roommate about it and the answered for me djjgkfjgjhkkhkhkfkjxhshf#i mean i very much handed them my phone and asked for help#but god i fucking hate anxiety#why is talking to people scary#apparently getting drunk on a sunday night to stop thinking about things that make you anxious is a bad idea or something 🙄#i promise i wasn’t actually considering it#mostly#cause i’ve also been ignoring my moms texts all day……..#and i don’t talk to my therapist until after i go back home 💀#it’s fine#it’s just a week#it’ll be fine#time to throw myself into my class work to forget about this shit 🥳
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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