#i fuckin love greek/roman myth

[tag-if]

Hi hi again :D

Saw this RO ask from another blog and got curious SO-- if the ROs were in an orpheus/eurydice situation, would they look back or make it out without looking? (⁠ㆁ⁠ω⁠ㆁ⁠)

ohhh greek myth is my Shit i love this okay

there's honestly less angst than you would expect in these askdh

LOOKS;

A. Bellefleur; they can't bear the thought of not seeing you again, so much so that they just have to be certain you're behind them, that you're there. they never quite recover not getting you back, there's always something about their interactions from then on that feels hollow and...empty

A. Caras; they don't trust like that, especially not with authority. they don't agree to the conditions in the first place, and if/when forced into it they almost immediately turn around. they are smiling sadly, and apologising, asking that you understand why they didn't take 'some lowlife god's' word for it. they wear your favourite flowers in their hair until the day that they die, telling you all about their week when they visit your grave at the weekends

MAKES IT;

K. Valiev; you say you're behind them? they believe you. they have such blind trust in you that they would, quite literally, go to hell and back. they give you the warmest smile upon reaching the surface, welcoming you back with a hug (you notice, despite their calm demeanour, that they squeeze you just a little tighter)

T. Bellefleur; they struggle, they really do, but they make it. they spend the journey sending back witty quips about the scenery, joking that they'll move the both of you into a flower field to make up for the time you've spent in the monochrome of the underworld. when you get to the surface you notice they're shaking as they turn around and look at you, picking you up by the waist and twirling you delightedly when they realise you're right there

M. Serrel; they issue you your own condition, as they start back: if you speak to them before the surface, they will turn back. there is determination in their voice as they say it, and almost immediately after you affirm you've heard, they begin to walk. if you speak again, they turn back, looking at you with a mix of sadness and betrayal as they apologised. if you don't speak then they make it, turning back to face you at the surface with a relieved smile, burying their head in the crook of your neck and apologising profusely

[somewhere-south-of-neutral]

#HOLY SHIT??? I LOVE THIS????#So many of the words are transliterations of the Dutch words! Like waterstof -> waterstuff (hydrogen)!!#I guess Dutch really did just name the elements and whatnot in its own language#So fuckin' genius#The core too... in Dutch it's Kern#here Kernel#some brain just vibes

@n0brainjustvibes that is basically what everyone did, including English (sort of). It's just that in English, due to a combination of this language's propensity for borrowing words and the strange obsession with Latin and Ancient Greek that academics have, this origin is obscured. Hydrogen is waterstuff because the word hydrogen is literally just the Greek roots for water and maker (i.e. it is the thing water is made of). Helium is Sunstuff because Helium is literally just Helios (sun) plus -ium (semi-arbitrary Latin-sounding suffix that was chosen to indicate that something is an element). My favorites are Ymirstuff for Uranium, Helstuff for Plutonium, and bernstonebit for electron. Ymir is a primordial being whose body forms part of the world in the Norse creation myth, Uranus is a primordial being whose body forms part of the world in the Roman creation myth. Hel is a part of (and also a god of) the Norse underworld, Pluto is a part of (and also a god of) the Roman underworld. The root of the word electron is the Greek word for amber, as the Greeks first described electrical charge through observances of amber attracting hair when rubbed against it, bernstone is the Germanic word for amber.

The reason that Germanic languages have words that match these is that they have fewer loanwords and calques than English. Honestly, that is the aspect of this that interests me most. While the meme of English as this Frankenlanguage is at best reductive and at worst directly misleading, it has its roots in the fact that English has more loanwords than most other languages, which somewhat separates words from their etymologies to English speakers that it doesn't for other languages. Anglish is a peek into a world where the connections between a sound and its meaning in English is clearer, and from a linguistic perspective I find it fascinating.

look, I know I've talked about this essay (?) before but like,

If you ever needed a good demonstration of the quote "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic", have I got an exercise for you.

Somebody made a small article explaining the basics of atomic theory but it's written in Anglish. Anglish is basically a made-up version of English where they remove any elements (words, prefixes, etc) that were originally borrowed from romance languages like french and latin, as well as greek and other foreign loanwords, keeping only those of germanic origin.

What happens is an english which is for the most part intelligible, but since a lot everyday english, and especially the scientific vocabulary, has has heavy latin and greek influence, they have to make up new words from the existing germanic-english vocabulary. For me it kind of reads super viking-ey.

Anyway when you read this article on atomic theory, in Anglish called Uncleftish Beholding, you get this text which kind of reads like a fantasy novel. Like in my mind it feels like it recontextualizes advanced scientific concepts to explain it to a viking audience from ancient times.

Even though you're familiar with the scientific ideas, because it bypasses the normal language we use for these concepts, you get a chance to examine these ideas as if you were a visitor from another civilization - and guess what, it does feel like it's about magic. It has a mythical quality to it, like it feels like a book about magic written during viking times. For me this has the same vibe as reading deep magic lore from a Robert Jordan book.

[msmoonlighter]

Nasa: Y’know what’d be really fun? Nasa: Hiding MYTHOLOGY EASTER EGGS in simple shit we do Nasa: We’re gonna name all of Jupiter’s moons after his lovers Nasa: And that spacecraft we sent to go keep an eye on Jupiter and it’s said moons?  Nasa: It’s named Juno, bitch. Boom. Nasa: Look at how clever we are. Someone fuckin’ call us butter because you damn best bet we’re on a roll.

[thepringlesofblood]

Casting My Opinions Into The Void: d20′s Neverafter ep 1+2

this is the first d20 campaign im going to be following live and i am excited enough to do a lil post each week or so about it. mostly bc recycling and adapting and retelling and retranslating old stories that “everyone knows” is my whole shit. like i got a degree in the study of ancient greek and roman civilization (classics). my whole thing is reading old myths and plays that “everyone knows” how they go and seeing what each author/translator brings to the table.

anyway i watched episodes 1 n 2 and i am excited and my observations are below

(like if you were really into the Sisters Grimm series as a kid and are similarly excited for this lol the modernized fairytale characters in that series are literally called “Everafters” and its because it’s really good shorthand for the audience. i see you brennan i see you)

normally ppl who do the whole ‘dark/horror/thriller fairytale’ thing fuck it up bc they think it’s about the shock value, or about seeing how nasty you can get with it, so I usually avoid them, but after bingewatching a kadrillion d20 campaigns, I trust brennan to do it right. you have to find the core value/crux of what is horrifying about the story and tease it out, and play with the symbolism and icons of the original story to reflect that. and brennan fuckin delivered.

ep 1

folks, give a hand to the people who put detailed yet non-spoilery content warnings in the description. tbh dropout shows are setting the standard for sensitivity and inclusion in media. it’s so lovely to see a show w content warnings or pronouns put up onscreen and it just not be addressed. i am forever spoiled for any other kind of media tbh

at some point in the past, brennan found out he could make a really good realistic choking/gagging noise, and he has used it in every campaign since.

i appreciate the ‘scare off the meek early’ approach of it all.

th. the briars. the concept. the dead princes - UGH good backstory yall

i very much like the idea of becoming a ranger out of necessity, and because plants obey you on account of that whole feeding-on-your-blood thing

puss in boots using ‘pib’ as a nickname instead. of ‘puss’ or ‘boots’ - inspired

also zac is using his ‘smart little shit’ voice like he did w lapin and i am v excited.

look ill say it - the little red hen did nothing wrong and thats on that. i read that one when i was very little, it was on electric company or sesame st or between the lions, and i’ve always liked it.

so......anyone see how mother goose’s husband has the last name hubbard? like old mother hubbard lol

also there really is a Jack in so many stories, i’m glad we’re addressing this. little shit gets up to so much trouble

it feels like I have seen so many tired rewritings of little red riding hood, even though I can’t think of any off the top of my head. it’s usually a sort of surface-deep ‘girl power!’ situation. i’ve never seen one like this. i LOVE it. it was terrifying. the fact that we all just sort of accept ‘barbarian’ as a normal dnd class is kind of wild tbh, i like exploring that rage and its source.

Ep 2

saying the actual nursery rhyme in the context of being the nursery rhyme is so powerful. i fully didn’t understand what was happening to nat king cole (v powerful) until he was gone.

also, herr drosselmeyer - fantastic get. you have to talk about the sugar plum fairy at some point and they already went in hard on her in acoc so i love that they were like you know what, it’s weird uncle time.

(context: herr drosselmeyer is clara’s eccentric uncle with a bunch of automatons and he gives her the nutcracker)

also every production ive seen has his drip immaculate. 

my gender is this man’s cloak

Murph is the fucking ball again

“Please tell me how you’re a monster too so I don’t feel so alone” - Jesus Christ Emily Axford

Almost getting distracted by a bird instead of picking up v obvious plot hooks: pt 2

cinderella.......dude

Brennan really looked at K’s finale scene from mismag and went “how DID the mice get lithium?”

The POV of the mice - simplifying it makes it sound ridiculous, but if you really dig into the idea of the mice as sentient beings it’s horrifying.

Dude the symbolism…stepmother eating her kids bc they were always either a tool or an obstacle to her, of course they would be a sacrifice to her hunger for power.

i’ve always liked endings that have the stepsisters reconciling w cinderella bc in the end they were also victims of abuse and it wasn’t the same or the same degree of abuse as cinderella but they were still constantly on thin ice

can you tell that i rewatched d20 live recently and sobbed at adaine and aelwyn’s ending?

Cinderella stabbing the fairy godmother with the broken heel of the shoe that symbolizes both the ending she was meant for and the life that she was forced into. Turning that into glass armor. dude.

The pumpkin carriage rotting bc the fairy godmother is trying to make the happily ever after stay exactly how it is forever but nature decays and time passes and she can’t acknowledge that without realizing both that her role is in the story is over and not only does cinderella not need her anymore, cinderella doesn’t want her anymore, and maybe never wanted her in the first place. 

When puss in boots was asked what he wanted in life and he just said ‘to be comfortable’ #relatable like I know all this is gonna end with him realizing the value of love and friendship over material goods and I 100% agree with that but i feel like this goal or some variation of it are v common today and not often addressed in stories like this

Pinocchio swearing - 10/10. Also how the fuck is Lou doing a Pinocchio voice that perfectly straddles the line between hilarious and annoying. It’s ridiculous enough to always be funny, but sustainable and varied enough that it doesn’t grate on you.

i think we’re getting into “all the princesses in all the stories are all sisters” territory and i for one am THRILLED

"mirror, mirror.......leaned up against the wall”

we learn in this adventuring party that the OG concept for lou’s pinocchio is that he snapped off his nose so he would be able to lie, which is AMAZING. i fully did not put that together.

i am v excited for this battle, and v terrified.

[the-edgy-enby-shitposter]

Hey I was up all night and then drank caffeine and my ADHD decided that it will use those things to dump a bunch of random-ass Nico di Angelo headcanons onto my blog for yall to see

Autistic Nico. Please he has so many traits just let my boi be autistic Rick you fuckin coward

Extreme adhd. Like how Leo’s supposed to have. It just manifests in smaller and less “disruptive” ways. Like tapping his fingers or legs constantly and that kinda shit yknow

Stims lots. Lots of different ways too. He especially likes flapping his hands when he’s happy but he’s kinda embarrassed to do it around people but it also makes him even more happy to stim and he is conflicted- he also kinda scrunches up his face and rocks his fist from side to side when he’s distressed, yes I’m projecting leave me alone

When given the chance and like. Once he’s asked like 20 times whether the person’s SURE because he doesn’t wanna be annoying. He infodumps LOTS. Like he will infodump about something for like 10 minutes lmao

Lots of hyperfixations and special interests!!! Lots lots lots!!! Yknow when he was like 10 he liked pirates? I hc he got more into just general ocean stuff (like creatures and plants and stuff) and sailing stuff as he got older to the point of a special interest- and then he was fascinated by the way people used the stars to navigate before gps and compasses and etc and that got him into space stuffs. Gods help you if you agree to let him infodump about both, he’ll talk for like 20 minutes straight (gay) about the stars and planets and sea life and how space is just a parallel of the sea because it’s deep and mysterious and rockets and probes are like ships and submarines and he’s just rlly excited plz you Have to let him infodump or he’ll give you sad puppy eyes

Oh yeah when all else fails but he really wants something he just pulls out the puppy eyes card and it works every single fuckin time even for people whom it doesn’t usually work with

Another special interest: different “mythologies”. Not just Greek and Roman (though ofc those too), but lots of different ones. He knows lots of “myths” and creatures and gods and stuff from them

He identifies as a cis guy bUT he Lowkey vibes with they/them pronouns and if someone used xe/xem then he wouldn’t be mad either- so like if asked xyr pronouns they’ll say “he/him” but if like ASKED asked by someone who isn’t afraid of a longish answer he adds “but they/them or xe/xem’s chill too, basically call me what you want and I’m fine lol”

Sensory issues. Lots.

Gets sensory overload super easily, Will buys him noise canceling headphones to help with part of it and xe’s legitimately OVERJOYED when Will gives them to him

He 👏 goes 👏 non 👏 verbal 👏 sometimes 👏

Xe has a phobia of needles (same)

Also sp*ders and butterflies (yea butterflies)

But they’re actually rlly good with animals as long as said animals are not like. Insects lol

Xyr sleep schedule is fucked- he switches between sleeping for days on end but awake for 2 hours and being awake for 5 days in a row but sleeping for 30 collective (not consecutive) minutes

Just randomly dissociates for like a solid few minutes for absolutely no reason and if xe dissociates while talking to you then you better be prepared to wait because you cannot get him out of it

Chronic nosebleeds. The littlest things trigger his nosebleeds and sometimes it just happens randomly

Will swears xe goes out of xyr way to get injuries because every day he has five new bruises or cuts or scrapes but in reality they’re just clumsy as fuck

A rlly picky eater because ✨textures are weird✨

Cannot cook to save his life. He’s disgracing his Italian origins (/j) but he doesn’t rlly care, all he wants is to make boxed mac and cheese without burning something (including himself)

Actually rlly good with patients in the infirmary and he just goes to help Will all the time with things like checking on patients and bandaging/suturing wounds and splinting broken bones and stuff like that he just loves to help

Combat boots. That’s all. Combat boots.

He 100% does awkward finger guns or peace signs all the time lol

His sword is a falcata because ✨dramatic✨ and ✨ominous✨

He lives in fingerless gloves during the winter

Really intolerant to cold- they’ll just come out of his cabin in the winter wearing like four of Will’s hoodies and two beanies and the thickest pair of sweatpants xe can find

He has lots of tiny half-visible freckles from hanging out with Will I do not make the rules

His hair is wavy and thick and poofy and I lomve- also the kid never brushes xyr hair and there’s always tangles in it

Sorry this is so fuckin long adhd said “mmmm yes infodump all your hcs about your child why don’t you”

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Basically what happened was that someone put the sarcastic lore Olympus video another anon mentioned in a server im in and when I mentioned that I dont think that Lore Olympus is the best interpretation of H/P in part due to how non-greek the whole story was, the shit started. Excuses ranged from "Greek polytheism isn't exclusive to Greece" to " im not saying you're wrong but I know a lot of Greek polytheists" (I especially got mad at this one) to "it's an American story and the myths naturally reflect what Americans see in each other" to "many colonized places had Greek and Roman fetishized culture thrust upon them" and "American culture is deeply seeped in Greek myth and Greek polytheism is a thriving culture here" (send me the fuckin thesis) and then what really boiled me was their blatant shock at the fact that Zeus could *gasp* love Hera and be good to her. And then claimed they've read all sorts of myths for decades. Gems like "half of the heroes in Greek mythology aren't Hera's kids" like Ares and Hepheastos just don't exist ig. Then blaming me for getting angry and upset for all around being disrespectful to the gods. Thank fuck someone was on my side because I was just so fucking over it. God and all heavens above forbid you tell an American they got their history wrong and they're being disrespectful and hurtful in doing so. The worst part is that I tried to be polite through the whole thing. Tried. I dont know how I was coming off, but God fucking damn it i tried. Fucking hell, claiming that the need to study Greek mythos in your AP Us History class doesn't fucking mean it's baked into your culture. It made me so frustrated and now I can't even fathom talking to the people involved when they so staunchly defended something and claimed to be educated when it's obvious they weren't. I got an apology from a few people which I appreciated, but f u cking hell. Sorry for the long ask.

1) "Greek polytheism isn't exclusive to Greece" - Yeah SO? Does this make LO better? Does it negate the fact the planet knows only inaccurate/whatever Americanized movies about Greek mythology?

2) " im not saying you're wrong but I know a lot of Greek polytheists" SO??? You are allowed to have your own opinion! Plus, Greek polytheists can still be uneducated and follow practices they read in Percy Jackson and are used only to pop culture Americanized versions of how the gods are

3) "it's an American story and the myths naturally reflect what Americans see in each other" Nobody said those stories aren’t allowed to exist! The f-ing point is the Greco-Roman deities are treated like American property!“American story and the myths naturally reflect what Americans see in each other” it’s ALL THAT THE WORLD WATCHES. INCLUDING GREEKS.

Don’t they realize the US is an imperialist country or what? Those stories are everywhere and we are bored. If all you have to show is “Greek gods in US and Canada” x 1000 times and “The Greek gods used to show American social issues”x 1000 times just throw me into a bottomless pit already.

And then they have the nerve to say “but this is representation for you!” No, it isn't if you make Hera into a Karen and Zeus into Bill living in their mansion in Manhattan, showing no hint of my culture (OR Greek American culture) apart from some names and some basic powers! You might as well make them Egyptian gods and the script won’t change.

4) "many colonized places had Greek and Roman fetishized culture thrust upon them" How does that excuse the stupid stuff in LO?? What does a white woman in Australia have to do with how culture was forced to change in colonized cultures??

Why should Greeks see the disrespect of their figures because other countries promoting a *fetishized* image of their ancient culture to other countries they colonized? Why is the US continue to glorify that *fetishized* (as this person said) standard?

Plus, it’s not like Indigenous Americans or Africans from formerly colonized countries consider Zeus part of their culture. Yes, the philosophy of West European nations and certain standards were unfortunately forced upon them but they know the gods are not theirs! (As opposed to many formerly not colonized people in the US)

And if you speak with people from countries on this side of Atlantic which were colonized by France or England you will see they don't deem this mythology theirs! In most of these countries, the citizens merely know the basic stuff about Greek mythology. All they know comes from - you guessed it - American shows about Greek mythology!    

5) "American culture is deeply seeped in Greek myth and Greek polytheism is a thriving culture here" Okay just... what? 😂😂😂😂😂 I swear this fetishized version they accuse colonizers of spreading, they have it themselves and don't recognize it. It’s apparent, as they often see Greek mythology as “a thing of the White man” and want to “subvert” it to send a message. Meanwhile have they thought about how Greeks feel about this? Naaaah fuck dem Greeks. Who cares, it’s not like their culture is Greek any more, right? Who knows what language they speak nowadays these exotic people...

And “Greek polytheism is a thriving culture here”?? North America has hundreds of millions of people. The 500 internet friends you have who are in Greek polytheism is not even a fraction of that. 

“The need to study Greek mythos in your AP Us History class doesn't fucking mean it's baked into your culture.” I agree with your statement. Moreover, guess who fought to keep the heritage alive for thousands of years? Greeks. Copying manuscripts, analyzing ancient philosophy, protecting heritage monuments, songs, religious customs, etc. Do they think Greeks sat on their asses for a blank 2000 yrs??

Final thoughts:

Greek mythology aside, people who claim to know something when they are ignorant and they don’t offer to search for things they don't know, are immature and cause harm to whoever tries to argue with them. It’s good you got an apology from some, I am happy when people want to research something they don't know! 

But that server in general... doesn't seem very inclusive (ironically). And if you weren't a Greek (aka not perceived as oppressed in N. America xD) they would take you more seriously and they wouldn’t say “but I have other Mixed Brazilian friends who don't complain about the cultural misrepresentation!” I find it natural if you don't want to engage with them any more :/ See what is best for you 💙

[fierte]

BASICS

name: adam de bourbon nickname(s) / title(s) :  dauphin de viennois, master ( by his staff ), the beast ( while cursed ), that jackass age: 18 ( pre-curse ), 25 - 26 ( post-curse ) species: human, chimera ( briefly )

PERSONAL.

morality: lawful / neutral / chaotic |  good / neutral / evil religious belief:  roman catholic. vices:  greed / gluttony / sloth / lust / pride / envy / wrath virtues:  chastity / charity ( post curse ) / diligence / humility / kindness ( post curse ) / patience / justice primary goals in life:  honestly, pre-curse adam just wanted to have fun & not be responsible whatsoever, that’s not a goal, that’s just childish. cursed adam obviously didn’t want to be cursed, but that was also fixed. post-curse adam has a lot on his mind; the french people aren’t terribly pleased with anything he’s done, so his first step to fixing things is making amends as much as he can. while it ended up buried under all the shit his father did, adam does love his country & doesn’t want things to fall apart. known languages:  french, english, latin, enough greek to read all the books in greek secrets:  uh, adam wasn’t terribly secretive before the curse, he did keep plenty of secrets as the beast — one of which was who he had been before everything went to shit. post-curse, while there are very few people he trusts with the knowledge, also end up knowing everything about his past, namely belle. savvies: adam does like to read, he also was talented at dancing & singing. the issues that arise with this category are more due to u h…. what was he not throwing to his servants as responsibilities, because he honestly didn’t care to find out what he was good at other than being attractive, he’s the worst.

PHYSICAL.

build:  scrawny / bony / slender / fit / athletic / curvy / herculean / pudgy / average height:  6′2 ( human ), god knows but like between 7 & 8′ ( as the beast ) weight:  something like 185 lbs, who the heck even knows what a chimera actually weighs, we’re not going there. scars/birthmarks:  the scars from the wolf attacks transferred back to his human body, as did the scars from the wounds gaston inflicted. abilities/powers:  the beast is really fucking extra ft. a fuckton of strength, ability to make ridiculous jumps, climbing towers, & i mean in general the heightened senses that would come with an animalistic form. restrictions:  uh, human beings can’t do those things, so it’s really restricted to him being the beast.

FAVORITES.

food: anything that’s well prepared is ok with him. on the sweets side, he’s fond of chocolates & creme brulee ( if you haven’t had creme brulee, please do, it’s so good ) drink:  any tea that mrs. potts makes for him tbqh, she’s the best new mom he could ever want. pizza topping: n/a color:  he’s fond of flashy things namely golds, silvers, & rich blues. music genre:  what the heck music genres even existed then? i mean, whatever he deemed loveliest, because he’s That Guy™ book genre:  he’s always been fond of shakespeare, although he’ll never admit that he did enjoy romeo & juliet. he also has read marlowe’s faustus, which he also greatly enjoyed. as a child he was 100% down for mythology like every goddamn night ( smol adam voice ) read me another myth . he also loves athurian legend  movie genre:  n/a season:  certainly not winter jfc. he remembers summertime, when he used to play with his mother — while the memories are bittersweet, he hasn’t stopped yearning for summer. curse word: he’s a prince, he’s too proper for that, he throws things instead of cursing, it’s still a bad habit. scent(s):  despite all the trauma related things, roses. he has a garden of them for a reason.

FUN STUFF.

bottom or top:  are you shitting me adam’s a fuckin top by  e sings in the shower:  there weren’t showers in the late 1600s i’m pretty sure, but would he sing while in the fucking bathtub oh absolutely & he has a lovely voice. likes bad puns:  uh the real question is has anyone ever told him a bad pun?

[fans-of-the-damned]

👌Name(s)?👏Pronouns?🔐Relationship Status?🌈Orientation(s)?🐉Zodiac Sign?🌌What animal year were you born?💅Do you wear makeup?😳Any way to make you blush?✨Favourite aesthetic?👀Celebrity crush?💝Favourite Colour(s)?🔮Any advice you would have given 10 y/o you?🌅Are you a morning or night person?🍀Whats your favourite season?🍺Favourite drink?🎃Favourite holiday?🎁Birthday?🎗Are you religious?🔗Are you a safe person to talk to about *XYZ*?🚩What country are you from?⚡Ever had a Greek Mythology

👌My actual name? Cassie

👌My Nickname? Kaley, Sea, Laf

👏Pronouns? She/her/they/them

🔐Relationship status? Single as shit (anyone wanna fix that? Lol)

🌈Orientation? Demi Pan Nonbinary

🐉Zodiac? Gemini!

🌌Animal born under? Uhh Dog? (1994)

💅Makeup? Yes, occasionally more for cosplay then every day but I do put some on for dates/events

😳Blush? Oh sheeeet....uhhh anything Sexual really? Like I was a mess reading romeo and juliet but also any kind of compliment or nice words.... basically just be nice and I'm a blushy stuttery mess

✨Asthetic? I'm old I'm not sure what this means 100% but....soft? Comfy? But like....idk...?

👀Celebrity crush? DAVEED DIGGS that man....ooof 👉👈🥰🥰🥰🥰😊😊😊😊💜💖💜💖

💝Favorite color(s)? Purple, blue, green, red and black

🔮Advice for 10y/o me? Ooof don't be a dick? Things get worse before they get better? Look into colleges and programs you want to do before youre a year away from going?

🌅Morning or night? Night, definitely night!

🍀Favorite season? Fall, or spring! Not to hot or too cold!

🍺Favorite drink? Uhhh alcohol: seagrums or white wine non alcoholic: coffee, mint tea or Baja blast mt dew

🎃Holiday? Oof uhhh Christmas but I also love halloween

🎁Birthday? June 16, 1994

🎗️Religious? Yes but actually no tho: lemme explain; I'm Pagen, wiccan to be exact, but I don't follow it close/to any extent (mainly because I can't)

🔗Are you safe to talk to? YES! COME TO ME FOR ANYTHING! IM ALWAYS HERE! (this goes for everyone!)

🚩Country? The fuckin US and I hate it 🤬🤬🤬🤬

⚡Ever had a greek mythology? Uhhh? What? Obsession? Yes but I also had one with Roman Norse and Egyptian myths as well(I just love mythology and the mythos in general)

[gotatext]

 hello, its nora (she/her, gmt) n this is the ethereal but spoiled alma olive putnam (she goes by all 3 names cos she’s pretentious as fuck). raised in a farmhouse in vermont, big horse girl energy. very hungry for everything life has to offer. wakes up and smells the success in her blood. luvs the smell of libraries and listening to french music from a tinny record player in knee socks. here is pinterest. bio is below the cut, like this post to be bombarded with plotting messages but i might forget tho so pls message me x

application template.

『ELLE FANNING ❙ CIS-FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like ALMA OLIVE PUTNAM is here for HER JUNIOR year as a CLASSICS student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be RESILIENT, MAGNETIC, CALLOUS & PROUD. They’re living in PERKINS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ NORA. 24. GMT. SHE/HER.

aesthetics.

a red beret nestled on top of bright platimum locks, neck scarves tied around your throat the way they do it in french new wave films, running barefoot through the woods in feckless hedonism, china dolls with porcelain faces lined against the walls of your room, the mona lisa smile, knee-socks tugged over the hockey grazes on your knees, a forged botticelli drying on your easel, ophelia floating in the middle of a lake. 

proceed w caution, tw for death, drugs, alcohol, violence

the short form.

— studying classics cos she thinks it makes her sound smart, but actually hates fuckin latin and just loves learning about feckless hedonism and the festivals of bacchus and writing about how all women in myth are literally forgotten. was expelled from princeton in her first year so her parents basically paid her way into radcliffe but she made an impression.... like... super fast and in her sophomore year she was upgraded to perkins accomodation n a paid scholarship bcos i think the governors kind of expect to see her in the supreme court one day or.

—  born in vermont in a big old farmhouse. her great-great-grandfather moved to america as an immigrant and worked on a plantation, made his way up cos he could speak a lot of languages and therefore win more people over. for the last two generations, putnam men have owned the farm and do little of the dirty work. big in the meat industry.

— both her parents had large personalities, so alma’s never really been shy around adults, even as a kid she’d speak to them in a forthright, confident manner, and because she was always surrounded by adults, she’s always seemed a bit wise beyond her years.

— very much a consolidation of every character in the secret history. has a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. obsessed with w.h. auden and the beat poets. — ”aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing and even that is pointless” — is majoring in classical civilisation. can read ancient greek and latin. also speaks french.

— studies hard and plays hard. she gets top marks but it’s because academia is literally her life, she loves the smell of libraries, the ancient smoke of learning, of feeling like old wine in a new bottle reincarnated from the bones of some old, dead witchy woman who invented a cure for cowpox or somethin.

— isn’t a foward-planner, however. alma prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manner so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenaline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night.

— pretentious motherfucker. loves poetry, especially the romantics, loves morbid ones too, edgar allen poe, sylvia plath, allen ginsberg, she just loves them all. can’t get enough. her favourite films are like…. wanky artfilm independent european cinema. especially french new wave. “what do you think of goddard’s work??” while snorting a line off someone’s sink at 5am on a school night, but you can bet she’ll make it to that 9am class. — very intelligent and beautiful and knows both of those facts. plays devil’s advocate. humanitarian, vegan. — judgemental but takes great care not to appear so. petty and vindictive

— obsessively devours mystery and thriller novels. she herself is a gillian flynn book waiting to happen. — tries to be an enigma. wants to be mysterious and unreadable because that’s what books have taught her makes women desirable and interesting and cool. very amy dunne in the way she expertly reinvents herself to suit her audience, when she wants to impress

— act like the flower but be the serpent under it. is a user. manipulative. leads people on. will throw another student under the bus to demonstrate her own intelligence and integrity — heavily involved in the theatre society. loves attention. — has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive, runs track, played lacrosse at school, now is a cheerleader probably. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning.

— her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee-high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk. — relates to ophelia from hamlet and sibyl vane in dorian gray. weirdly obsessed with women who commit suicide. loves jackson pollock paintings and abstract art. – likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramophone because “the sound quality is better” kfdsjj.

plots.

here are some generic wanted plots but by all means message me so we can flesh them out more if any strike ur interest:

study buddies !! someone who is equally unprepared and so spends all night in the library with alma before a big deadline, maybe they even met in the library

if they’re from new england or vermont, then cousins . second cousins / extended family / family friends –  probably spat volavons on your character once as children, omg childhood friends !

people who live in perkins n feel like they r constantly competing with one another to keep their place as one of the #elite only know each other from brief interactions in the lift or the canteen

honestly someone who is fully in love with her or crushing on her that she can just break would be sweet :/ or on the other hand someone she unexpectedly gets feelings for and actually wants to guage her own  eyeballs out bc of it

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sporting or academic rivalries !

hockey / cheer friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!!

fellow academics who like meeting up to discuss latin and greek ! gimme a secret society bonding by their love of ancient learning

i reckon she’s in a lot of societies, definitely the film club, maybe works as a projectionist at the uni cinema if they have one so give me ppl affiliated with that, give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties

people who think she is throwing her academic potential away by caving to hedonistic impulse

A SECRET SOCIETY !!! honestly i would die for a slug club esque thing in which the children of notable families are invited to dinners OR alma’s also an art forger, so maybe like a club of students set up to basically forge paintings and documents from the university special collections

people she has drunkenly made out with, hooked up with, or regularly sleeps with casually, maybe even a friend w benefits she is repressing feelings for, i love angst,

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life, she is a roman catholic after all

full biography.

alma olive putnam.

intro.

         the girl is a knife. razor-sharp, double-edged, the bright shine of a two-faced, lovely thing. silver like the secrets you magpie thief from other heads. you’re a scavenger of knowledge, of tidbits, of gossip to lock away for later use and late-night re-inspection. a mind is like a clock if you get to learn the pieces. bit by bit, you dismantle the inner workings of the brains that tick around you – how easy it is to change it’s path, how words and their meanings can make a person laugh or cry in an instant. to have the power to control that is to be a god. it’s the power trip you crave wielding pom-poms in your hands; a possessive need for control that a younger you, small and weak, never had as a child. small lips, smaller smile, a doll clutched in your too-hungry fingers, hard enough to shatter the bones of a real infant. you cut your hair with your mother’s kitchen scissors before the autumn falls, rendering you out of season, unfit for the cold weather that beats against the nape of your neck, where a stick-and-poke marks the star you were born under ; the bull. “mama, when will i be a queen?” as soon as they find a crown small enough not to slip from your head.

biography.

         if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. hands red, stained by pomegranate seeds, the empty pulp of its shell splattered on your thighs you find yourself wondering – what would it be like to want? in the beginning, you never knew hunger. twins, born under the same star, you first, him second – a nuclear family. never a sister to compete with, you were always the cherry pie of your parents’ hearts. white-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful baby of mine. the townhouse in vermont and the summer house in lyon, you wanted for nought, showered with attention, saddled with gifts - hardly a wonder you came to rely on such affection as a confirmation of your own worth.

         at eight years old you first met death, blood on a gingham-print dress, a smear of it over your cheekbone and the pulp of a mangled animal at your feet murdered by the hands of a stable boy. “alma, my precious baby, you get away from that filth,” your mama would cry from the upstairs balcony – cigar in one hand and a bloody mary in the other – though whether the filth she referred to was the dead pig or the boy with a kernel of corn in his mouth, you never did find out.

         your family earned their keeps in farming, great-grandfather wolfgang hildegarde a german immigrant, great-grandmother maura lisbon a prairie girl. they fell hopelessly in love between troughs and pig-shit, working for three dollars a day at a farm their descendants would later own, trade deals with the indians, vacations to calcutta, your father todd putnam in the kind of sheepskin coat his father’s father could only dream of owning. he worked hard so that you’d never have to. your mama once asked – you heard it through the window, rounding cartwheels across the picket-fenced lawn – could he not find a respectable career rather than selling shrink-wrapped pork for a dime a dozen? that blood money had no business raising a child. you look far back enough, edie, your father had said in his low, strong voice that could bring a civil war to silence, and i think you’ll find that all money is blood money.

         language was never fickle on your tongue, french dinner time talk by the time you were out of your hush puppy shoes, your mama fixing the au pair a smile as she fixed herself another martini. you learned the clarinet at four and how to dance with the grace of a swansong at six, ethereal under a spotlight, an audience captive in the palm of your hand. by eight you knew that you’d always been destined to be loved. loved so hard they would want to taste you, bite into the soft plump of your cheek and eat you alive. that was how magnetic you wanted to feel. but mother hamsters eat their own young when penned in together too long, and soon you became too wild, too restless, another package on your father’s delivery invoice, box-shipped out to english boarding school.

         fitting in had never been something you had to concern yourself with. you were always the shiny new toy the other girls wanted to play with, bright like a dropped coin from a magpie’s beak. wherever you went, you seemed to leave a trail of awe, pig-tailed harriet’s adoring you, imitating you, teachers forgiving your class-time chatter for the sake of your wild heart and the restless spirit you possessed. tell us what it’s like in the states, alma. they’d coo, enamoured by your hollywood drawl. does your father own a gun? you hardly knew. barely even knew the colour of his hair, for the scarce amount of times he’d stoop to kiss your cheek, though you’d tell silver-tongued tales if it’d guaranteed you an audience. when you learned how to smile at the right times, and that flattery would get you everywhere, it soon became apparent that charm would pave the yellow brick road to success even when your lack of drive couldn’t.

         the road you followed – gum-snapping, roller-blading, friendship bands all up your arm – eventually led you to radcliffe. bright-eyed and gingham skirted, you’d always known you were more. there was a hunger in you to be something extraordinary, a want so adamant to be imagined and desired that it was almost savage. in leather-bound volumes and a circle of stones, you were helen of troy, the girl for whom they’d launch a thousand ships. but there’s so much rage within you, collecting like sawdust in cavernous parts. hockey helped. there was something grounding about the feeling of a stick clasped in your hands. sweat. stiff knuckles. feet pounding the earth. the smash of wood against flesh in the scram of a game, passed off as mere enthusiasm. “slipped, sorry.” hockey is the one thing you had that was yours alone – a feral instinct that motivates you to play; something primitive within you that sparks an energy like no other. on the pitch, you feel alive. you feel like a god.

[clasassist]

This is so fuckin funny

Perseus: hey what's your name

Medusa *in sharp raspy voice*: Medousss-

Perseus *slash*: good

I fuckin love Perseus he's my fav hero

Also before you go off I'm talking about Greek myths here, not Roman version

[queer-cas]

get to know me more tag

i was tagged by the amazing @uselessspork thanks bb <3

the schbang: answer 20 questions and tag 20 (lol) people to get to know better!

name: quinn or q 

zodiac: gemini (got that two faced shit goin on sorry lol)

height: 5′ 4″

languages you speak: english, french(written more than speaking), spanish(written more than speaking) 

nationality: american i guess? (im black and filipino but i look white so do with that what you will)

favorite fruit: raspberries and strawberries and cherries( basically all the red fruits)

favorite scent: new books and freshly baked cookies 

favorite color: black, burgundy, blue, and green 

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: hot chocolate bc coffee is gross unless its a vanilla latte from starbucks 

favorite disney princess: the one and only dean winchester 

dream trip: i’d love to see Greece and Rome because i’m lowkey obsessed with the greek and roman myths 

when was your blog created: hmmm who fuckin knows tbh lets see,,,,October 2015 but I’ve been here longer than that bc my original blog got deleted 

last movie seen: Ant-Man and the Wasp 

favorite candy: Mike and Ike 

favorite holiday: hallowEEN (ima leave this here bc same)

put your playlist on shuffle! (i made it 10 songs instead of 6 because 10 is a nice even number sorry)

song 1- LOYALTY- Kendrick Lamar 

song 2- WILD- Troye Sivan 

song 3- Crazy=Genius- Panic! At the Disco

song 4- Fly Away- G-Eazy 

song 5- Car Radio- Twenty One Pilots 

song 6- Colors- Halsey 

song 7- Dead!- My Chemical Romance 

song 8- The Victim- Memphis May Fire (one of my favorite songs ever!!)

song 9- V. 3005- Childish Gambino 

song 10- Antivisit- Bring Me The Horizon 

i tag( i don’t even have 20 friends lol) : @awholeotherfolder @stitches-mp3 @whispycas  @raindestiel and @krazy-kiwi

[eldritchsurveys]

o92.

Are you bored with your life? >> Not generally. Existential boredom happens sometimes, but it’s not necessarily chronic.

Have you ever seen a spirit? >> Maybe.

What's the most supernatural experience you've ever had? >> Friend, I am a supernatural experience.

Do you ever feel the presence of God? >> Some god or another. Usually Wednesday.

Would you rather have wings like a fairy or a fin like a mermaid? >> I think wings would be marginally more useful to me than a fin. I rather like having legs.

Which season would you like to be the goddess of? >> I’d rather not be trapped into the role of being the god of anything specific, especially not a season.

Do you have any spiritual gifts? >> I don’t know. Never really thought about it.

Would you say you are a spiritual? >> A spiritual, hah. Nah, I’m just whatever I am.

Do you believe in angels and demons? >> I knew a couple of angels. One was from Night Vale. His name was Tobias and he was very poetic. Even [especially?] when he was talking about cannibalism.

Do you believe in fairies, genies, or mermaids? >> I’m willing to believe in any of them.

Do you believe that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth? >> Sure.

Does the book of Revelation make sense to you? >> It does, now. It took me a long time to realise that it’s very possibly allegorical (and very possibly about the fall of Rome). In that context, a lot of things in Revelation make a lot more sense to me, and it became easier to swallow besides. But even as a mythological End of Days, or a turning point in mythic time, it makes a lot of sense, too -- there’s at least a few Ragnarök-esque elements in there. For a while I thought of Babylon as the US, and that also makes sense. So, yeah. Revelation makes sense to me. 

What's your favorite mystical creature? >> Me.

What's your favorite supernatural book series? >> The Dark Tower saga.

Have you ever encountered an angel? >> Yep, already discussed earlier.

Do demons manifest around you a lot? >> No. I mean, they’re welcome to hang out, but generally I think they prefer more malleable quarry.

Have you ever cast out a demon? >> Nope.

Are demons afraid of you? >> I don’t know, I’ve never asked. 

What's your favorite gypsy name? >> I stay away from the use of the word ‘gypsy’, personally.

If a genie appeared to you right now, what would you wish for? >> Nope. I don’t fuck with djinn. They’re much better at wordplay than I am.

What would you say is the most unique about you? >> I don’t know, I don’t really think much about that sort of thing.

If you were to write an original song, what would it be about? >> I don’t know.

As anyone ever asked you if you were an alien? >> Yeah, I’ve been asked that. Or straight-up told that. It varies.

As anyone ever asked you if you were an angel? >> Maybe. I don’t recall.

Do you think you would rather be a mystical creature or a human? >> I yam what I yam.

Do you have supernatural powers? If yes, what can you do? >> No, I have paracosmic powers of creation. Which isn’t supernatural because it doesn’t affect the rules of the physical world.

Do you know any witches? >> Sure, I know plenty.

Has anyone ever cast a spell or curse on you? >> Not to my knowledge. But, I mean, possibly.

Do you know how to break a curse? >> I’m sure I could figure it out with some research.

Do you curse others? >> Nah, I’ve considered it in times of duress but... nah. 

Would you rather time travel to the past or future? >> I’d rather not, period. Time’s an ocean, anyway. I’m not tryna drown.

Do you wish you had the power to switch your emotions on and off at will? >> I mean, I don’t have enough problems with my emotions that this would be necessary. I kind of can switch them off.

What superpower do you most wish you had? >> Matter manipulation.

Are all of your needs met? >> Not all of them, not all of the time, but for the most part I’m not suffering terribly in the needs department.

Do you feel like your life is worth living? >> I mean, it doesn’t matter if it’s worth it or not, I’m living it anyway.

If you're gifted, does anyone know it? >> Gifted with what?

What do you do with your gifts? >> ---

Do you feel you live in a place where your gifts are honored and celebrated? >> Man, I don’t even know what you’re talking about, tbh.

Do you wish people acknowledge you and treated you with respect? >> Sure. Most of the time they do, anyway.

Do you wish you had the power to stop harassment? >> I’ve not wished for that specifically, no. But I’d imagine it’d be useful.

How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real? >> I was never taught about Santa in the first place. It’s really too bad -- that whole legend is historically and mythologically fascinating. But it’s never too late. Plus, I have Russian Santa now (Nicholas St North, from the Guardians franchise -- Rise of the Guardians and Guardians of Childhood).

Can you relate to the story of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer? >> Not really, lol.

Do you hate inequality? >> Not necessarily.

Do people hate you because of your gifts? >> LOL wut.

If you had to give yourself an exotic name, what would it be? >> I do have ‘exotic’ names.

Do your family and friends have any superpowers? >> Not to my knowledge.

Are you a hero or a villain, or neither? Are you a commoner? >> I am a trickster.

Could you ever be a hero? Have you ever done anything heroic and brave? >> Being a trickster means I can fulfill a variety of roles. So yes, I could be a hero, if I found it prudent. (Most of the time, I don’t. ~)

How many villains do you know? >> I don’t know if I know any self-proclaimed villains. I know some self-proclaimed monsters, does that count?

What do you think of this quote: The Gospel is the only story where the Hero dies for the villains. ? >> That’s an interesting quote.

Do you think it was stupid of Jesus to die for the villains? >> I don’t pass judgement on martyrdom. It serves a purpose.

Have you ever rebelled against God? >> Well, rebelling against some notion of God (consciously or unconsciously) is how I spent most of my adolescence and young adulthood, but I’m mostly over that now. I met different gods.

Do you believe Jesus dies on a cross to save us all? >> I think the mythical figure of Jesus Christ certainly did. Whether there was an actual man named Yeshua who did all of that is a matter of much debate, and I tend to err on the side of “probably not”. But he’s a figure of myth, which makes his historical existence pretty irrelevant either way.

Would you be happy if you died right now? Why or why not? >> Hell fucking no, what the fuck. I’m having a ball, leave me alone, Death.

Are you scared of what's going to happen when you die? >> Sure. I try not to give it too much thought, because there’s no definite answer and obsessing over it isn’t going to give me a definite answer, it’s just going to waste my fuckin time.

Have you ever asked Jesus to save you? >> Yeah, I tried that. I don’t know if he was listening or if he did anything, but I did try it.

Have you ever been baptized? If so, where were you baptized? and did it mean anything to you? >> I was baptised at age, like, 6 or 7. I vaguely remember it because the whole thing was lowkey disturbing to me at the time, but I couldn’t do anything about it. It was at an AME Baptist church in Elizabeth, New Jersey. It never did end up meaning anything significant for me, although the baptism allegory did come up again a couple of years ago, during my last todash episode.

Do you enjoy reading about Greek or Roman mythology? >> Absolutely!

Who is your favorite Greek or Roman god or goddess? >> Dionyssos.

Which goddess power do you think you'd like to have? >> Meh.

Have you ever read the Daughters of the Moon series by Lynne Ewing? >> Never heard of it.

If so, what was your favorite book in the series, and who was your favorite character? Which character do you relate to the most? >> ---

Do you feel like you are special? Do others treat you like you are special? >> I’m about as special as everyone else on the planet... which, as you well know, makes the whole thing a paradox. And yeah, some people treat me like that sometimes. I’m special to individuals, which is all right.

Do you enjoy reading Bible stories? >> Hell yeah, I do.

Do you believe in the Bible stories? >> I believe in their mythological potential, in the strength of parables, and in the longevity of the myths in general. I also think most of them probably relate to actual historical events, but were just mythologised.

Do you know anyone who can read minds? >> Nope.

Have you read the Harry Potter books? If yes, did you like them? >> Yeah, and I’m in the middle of a reread right now. I... I do like them, even though I spend a lot of time dissecting the worldbuilding. I wouldn’t even bother if I didn’t enjoy something about them.

What is your opinion on fantasy? Is it of the devil, or is it ok? Do you think it's good? >> I love fantasy.

Why do you think people gave the Harry Potter series such a hard time, when it's fiction? >> Because people are afraid of going against the laws of their religion; because people are afraid of losing control over their children’s spiritual lives; because it was a weird time in the world (and maybe even in mythic time) and people have been very reactionary towards media for a long time anyway. Who knows, man. It hasn’t lessened HP’s impact on culture and society, so.

Do you believe the Bible is fiction or non-fiction? >> I believe it’s myth, which exists beyond the boundaries of “fiction” and “nonfiction”.

Are you prophetic? >> I don’t know. That’s something I’d only be able to conclude in hindsight, and I haven’t really bothered looking back to find out.

Do you speak in tongues? >> Nope. I remember being really disappointed that that never happened to me in church. 

What are your spiritual gifts, if you have any? >> Hm.

Are you intuitive? >> No more than average, probably.

Have you ever had a premonition? >> Probably.

Have you ever had deja vu? >> Sure.

Do you see into the future? >> Nope.

Can you read minds? >> Nope.

Can you see spirits? >> Maybe. I don’t know.

Can you hear voices? >> I hear the voices of people in headspace.

Do you believe in the supernatural? >> Sure.

Why do you think churches ignore the supernatural so often? >> It’s often about power and control. To restrict the human experience to only what the religion in question dictates as possible -- only priests can commune with God in a way that goes beyond praying into the void, stuff like that -- is to create an illusion of dependence on the church, which keeps people coming back. It’s kind of unfortunate, really. 

Would you ever go see a medium or psychic? >> Nah.

If someone were advertising "free healing miracles," would you go see them? >> I’d probably go to a revival featuring a faith healer because those look fun as shit, but I wouldn’t pay any money to them or anything. I’d just want to see, lmao.

Would you like to receive a prophetic word? >> Eh, I could do without.

What would you like to be healed of, if anything? >> Meh.

Do you feel guilty about anything currently? >> No.

Do you hear from God? >> At least three.

Do you spend time with God often? >> I curl up in the backseat of Wednesday’s car as often as possible. It does take a lot of mental focus on my part, though, so maybe not as often as I could.

Can you feel the presence of spirits in the room? >> Right now? No. Doesn’t mean they aren’t there, though.

Have you ever had a nightmare? >> Sure.

Have you ever had a prophetic dream? >> Probably.

What is the meaning of your name? >> Which one? Apparently “Mordred” comes from the Welsh “Medraut”, which likely comes from moderatus (Latin) meaning exactly what it looks like. Mordred, the Middle Way between Red and White. Seems legit.

Do you feel like your name's meaning fits you? >> Well, apparently I do. :p

Do you think you are a good person? >> No, I think I’m a person. ...Hell, sometimes I’m not even sure I’m that.

Do you think God would consider you a good person? >> I think Wednesday probably thinks I’m a right bastard just like him and his friends. Ravens of a feather, and all.

What do you think Heaven will be like? >> I can’t fathom Heaven. Every description I’ve heard of it makes no sense to me, so I figured it’s not supposed to.

Are you ready to die yet? >> Hell fucking no, stop asking me that.

Do you feel like your life is fair? >> I don’t care if it’s fair or not, I’m still making the best of it.

What would your life be like if you had an unlimited supply of cash? >> I have no idea, that’s unfathomable.

Do you believe Halloween decorations come alive when no one is looking? >> LOL no, but that’d be neat.

Do you celebrate Halloween? >> Sure.

Do you think renessaince faires are of the devil? >> If they are, the Devil has great taste.

Have you ever encountered an ogre? >> Not outside of a video game.

Are you an alien? >> Maybe.

Can you take a joke? >> I can take and give them.

Is there a cartoon character you wish you could meet? >> Sure, Dethklok would be fun to hang out with.

If you could have a date with a cartoon character, which one would it be? >> Charles Ofdensen (Metalocalypse). Although I kinda consider him a Me-Character, so that’d be funny.

Have you ever had a doll that looked like a person you knew? >> Nope.

If you had a voodoo doll, who would you punish? >> I don’t mess with that.

Do you enjoy watching horror movies? >> Hella.

Can you bend over backward like the girl in The Exorcist? >> Nope.

Is your house haunted? >> Most likely not, but who knows. Apartment complexes see so many people come in and out over time, and at least some of those people will probably leave something behind.

Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? or had nightmares because you thought your house was haunted? >> I’ve lived in an apartment I’ve felt was also occupied by something else.

Have you ever been in the attic? >> No attic.

Is your basement creepy? >> No basement.

Do you believe in ghosts? >> Not particularly, but I’m always willing to entertain the concept.

Do you like ghost stories? >> Sure, some of them.

Do you believe the spirit realm is real? >> I think there’s probably many dimensions to existence.

Do you believe in.... evolution? >> Sure.

reincarnation? >> I think a good argument could be made for it. Eastern philosophies about it seem to make sense.

Heaven? >> I can’t fathom it, which makes it difficult to believe in. Other mythological before-/after-/parallel-to-life realms seem more believable to me.

Hell? >> Same as above.

the afterlife? >> I haven’t chosen a permanent stance yet. Generally I subscribe to the “energy of consciousness is transmuted into something else, and memory does not survive the transmutation” theory of consciousness, so the afterlife wouldn’t really work with that.

salvation? >> From what, though? I don’t think there’s anything in my life I need salvation from, so it seems kinda useless as a concept, personally.

ghosts? >> Eh.

angels? >> Already discussed.

demons? >> ^

fairies? >> Yeah, maybe.

mermaids? >> Mm.

genies? >> Again, if djinn are around, I’m avoiding them.

nymphs? >> I don’t know.

gnomes? >> Hmm. 

aliens? >> Sure.

Santa Claus? >> I believe in the mythical figure of many names and various cultures that got sanitised into Santa Claus for our current version of Christmas.

Mother Nature? >> A world-soul, you mean? Sure, that’s a thing I could believe in. Azeroth has one, after all.

gods and goddesses? >> Yep.

God? >> I don’t know about that god in particular, though. The myth is way too murky for me.

Satan? >> I think if HaShem must exist, then so too must the Adversary. So if I’m going to believe in one, I’d have to believe in the other. They’re a BOGO kind of deal.

Jesus? >> I think Yeshua is one of the coolest mythic figures ever, actually.

The Holy Spirit? >> This is actually easier for me to grok than the Father. The Son’s the easiest, though.

elves? >> Sure, why not.

reindeer? >> There are perfectly natural animals called reindeer, so, I mean.

pixies? >> Hmm.

dinosaurs? >> Sure.

dragons? >> Sure.

prophesy? >> Yeah, maybe. I just don’t really want much to do with it.

premonitions? >> ^

intuition? >> ^

mind reading? >> Nah, mind-reading is pushing it.

speaking in tongues? >> I know it’s a thing people do because I’ve seen people stand right next to me and do it. But I don’t know what it is, and frankly, it’s kind of cool as a mystery.

prayer? >> Sure.

magic? >> Sure.

witches? >> Yep.

villains? >> I guess, yeah.

zombies? >> Mm, nah. Although I guess I can’t completely discredit necromancy. The movie The Serpent and the Rainbow has me pretty convinced, ngl.

werewolves? >> One of my friends is a werewolf.

vampires? >> Another of my friends is a vampire. Well, several of my friends, actually.

satanists? >> Yes, Satanists exist, in a variety of forms (theistic and otherwise).

supernatural healing? >> I mean, hey, maybe. I wouldn’t stop taking medication, though.

miracles? >> Sure, it just depends on your definition of the word.

that we live in an enchanted realm? >> I don’t know, maybe? I’ve no basis for comparison, after all.

that we're in a spiritual battle? >> Eh, I’m not fond of this concept because of the kind of evangelistic folk it’s usually attributed to.

that the book of Revelation is a real prophesy? >> It sure might have been.

that we're in the last days? >> Right now? I mean, here’s the thing about mythic time -- it’s so malleable and often cycle-based that you can point to almost any point in human history and make a very convincing case for that point in history having been a dead ringer for Armageddon. I could definitely point to events right now and make Revelation allegories. But that doesn’t necessarily mean anything -- or it could mean that Armageddon is an allegory for all Endings, including Endings that we as humans experience all the time. That’s the fun thing about mythology, man. It is always relevant.

that Jesus is coming back? >> He’s probably hanging around right now, smoking a bowl in some backyard somewhere. Hey, the Bible only predicted (and vaguely, at that) a Second Coming. They didn’t say anything about a Third, or Fourth, or so on. He could be on his Five Hundred Thousand and Twenty-Second Coming, for all we know.

that the Blood Red Moons are significant? >> Sure, they’re significant if we make them significant. That’s our power as a storytelling species.

astrology? >> Yep, I love astrology.

that the constellations tell the story of something? >> Well, yes. We drew pictures in the sky and used them to tell stories. We made that so.

that everyone is created equal? >> I don’t believe that everyone is created in the first place, which would mean that we couldn’t have possibly been created equal, either. I think it doesn’t matter either way, how we came to be here. We’re here, and the least we can do is treat each other with some fuckin kindness.

that everybody matters? >> That’s kind of impossible. There are way too many people on this planet for everyone to matter to me, or you, or anyone else. I think we do the best we can to think about as many people as possible, but to try too hard to do that means that you’re just going to end up doing more harm than good.

that life isn't fair? >> Sure, because it’s not sapient. Life doesn’t have an idea of “fairness” because it doesn’t have a brain to conceive of that. We do.

that some people who are poor deserve to be rich and some people who are rich deserve to be poor? >> I don’t believe that because it’s completely illogical.

Do you wish karma were real? >> I don’t know if it’s an actual cosmic force or not. I don’t think about it too much.

Do you make a lot of mistakes? >> No more than the average person, I’d imagine.

How long do you think someone should be punished for a mistake they've made? >> That’s not up to me.

Do you think mistakes should be punished at all? >> I’m not into punishment, myself, but I’m just one person. It seems to be a very popular concept with humanity in general.

Do you like mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? >> I really have no desire to know everything. What little peeking beyond the veil that I’ve tried to do has had a vaguely ruinous effect on me, so I figure I’m better off not pushing it.

Would you rather have horns or a tail? >> Horns, please.

Do you believe in unicorns? >> Sure, why not.

Do you wish you could talk to animals? >> I can. We just can’t understand each other, but it’s not all that important to me to be understood by, like, a cat.

Would you rather be a bird or a fish? >> Nah.

Would you rather be reincarnated as a human or something not human? >> I don’t know. “Not human” encompasses such a wide array of possibilities that I couldn’t possibly say no.

Are you happy? >> Generally? I guess, sure.

Who is harassing you/wronging you right now? >> Nobody.

Who is your knight in shining armor? >> Nobody.

Do you want to be rescued? >> From what? No.

Do you feel like you need to be rescued from the life you're living? >> No.

Do you believe in the story of Adam and Eve? >> The same way I believe in all the other Biblical stories, as I’ve expanded upon earlier in the survey. It’s not one of my favourites, though.

What would you like prayer for right now, if anything? >> I’m good.

What do you need right now that you don't have? >> *shrug*

Who was the last person to really hurt you? >> Oh, who knows.

Are you mad at someone right now? hurt? jealous? missing someone? >> Nope.

Are you a good friend? >> I don’t know.

Which fairytale do you relate to the most? >> I’m not sure.

Who is your favorite Disney princess? >> Moana!

Who is your favorite Disney character, besides the princesses? >> Stitch. Or Claude Frollo!

Favorite non-Disney cartoon character? >> I couldn’t even begin to choose.

Have you ever been to Disney World? >> Nope.

If so, would you say it's the most magical place on earth? >> ---

Do you want to go to the Magic Kingdom? >> I mean, sure, why not.

What country do you most want to visit? >> Morocco would be nice. 

What city in the US do you most want to visit before you die? >> Hm.

What country do you live in? >> The US.

If you live in the US, what state do you live in? >> Michigan.

What's your favorite continent besides North America? >> *shrug*

What's your favorite foreign cuisine? (Mexican, Chinese, Thai, etc.) >> Most Asian cuisine.

Have you ever been on a missions trip? >> No, and I’d never go on one. I don’t like the concept.

Have you ever lived in a foreign country? >> Nope.

What is your dream? Do you have anyone who supports you in your dream? >> I don’t think I have one. I’m just livin’.

[segadores-y-soldados]

Reaper and Soldier: American Cultural References

Alright, I know the title is a fuckin turn off for some people but I’m tired and so bad at essay titles, guys, you don’t even know, fuck I’d show ya’ll my college essays if they didn’t immediately reveal who I am but the titles were BAD.

So after a few people mentioned that the Reaper References post was helpful (and I saw your comments, I’m coming back to them, I promise), and after thinking about it a bit more this morning, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try and explain some of the more...oddball American cultural references going on in these skins.  Please note that I’m not trying to be rude by not discussing the Mariachi or Blanco skins, but rather that I consider those to be out of my field of depth and would rather focus on the skins I do know more about.

This will have mild shipping discussions for Reaper76 but it’s mainly from an analytical perspective.  In my opinion, with Blizzard being what it is, these are primarily coincidences or a way of demonstrating the two characters’ shared interest in American pop and literary culture.

Since this is kinda turning into a mini series, have these as well:

Reaper Art Assets

Reaper References

A LOT MORE under the cut, fair warning, this one is LONG.

Name and Design Comparisons

In the Reaper References post, I talked about how the name “Gabriel Reyes” could potentially have been derived from California’s Spanish history, such as by being references to the Mission San Gabriel Arcángel or the El Camino Real.  John “Jack” Morrison has some interesting possible name references as well.

John of course, is another Biblical name, derived from the Greek Iohannes, which in turn is derived from the Hebrew Yohanan, meaning “graced by God.”  “John” as a unique English name is due primarily to the Biblical figures John the Baptist and the Apostle John.  So both characters feature religious or spiritually derived given names.

Jack is actually a nickname for John.  Which like, makes no sense to me either, but this is from the language that made “Dick” a nickname out of “Richard” so we can all be lost on this one together.  The term “jack” features a MASSIVE variety of uses and meanings in English, including but not limited to things like “jack of all trades,” “jumping jacks,” “a jack” (the card), etc.  “The Encyclopædia Britannica article on the history of the word "jack" linked it directly to the common name: "Jack, a word with a great variety of meanings and applications, all traceable to the common use of the word as a by-name of a man."”

Morrison is an interesting one because it too is religiously or spiritual derived.  One etymological hypothesis links it to Scottish or Gaelic roots as “son of Maurice,” with Maurice being the English version of the name Mauritius.  Saint Mauritius is the patron saint of the Holy Roman Emperors, but more importantly, Saint Mauritius is the patron saint of soldiers.

“Maurice became a soldier in the Roman army. He was gradually promoted until he became the leader of the Theban legion, formed of 6600 soldiers.”

Mauritius ascended to martyrdom when he and his troops refused to engage in sacrificial offerings to the Roman gods, and Mauritius and his troops were killed for their refusal.

This, of course, has a number of parallels to the lore that Blizzard has provided around Jack Morrison.  How much of it is intentional is debatable, but considering the Soldier: 76 concept and character has existed for like fifteen years, I’m willing to bet it’s pretty deliberate.

Other odd points of comparison:

Gabriel Reyes = 12 letters

Jack Morrison = 12 letters (still works with John)

Again - how deliberate is this?  I have no fucking idea, but considering that both men are 6’ 1” (1.85 m) and they effectively swap outfits after the Fall of Overwatch (Reyes goes from simple jacket/sweatshirt and plain pants to long, dramatic overcoat; while Morrison goes from long dramatic overcoat to simple jacket and plain pants; both men wear masks after the Fall), like...I would not be surprised at this point?

Once upon a midnight dreary

“But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. Nothing further then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered— Till I scarcely more than muttered “Other friends have flown before— On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.”

Then the bird said “Nevermore.””

So I’ll just be honest and say that I’ve never really liked Edgar Allen Poe, and other people will offer you better analyses of “The Raven,” but for our purposes, we just briefly need to cover the subject of the poem and some of its themes.  Basically, The Raven is about a man heartbroken over the implied death of his lover.  He is visited in the night by a mysterious Raven who only speaks one word - “nevermore.”  While the man is aware that the Raven probably only knows this word through conditioning from a human owner, he continues to ask the bird increasingly deep questions about love and the afterlife, despite being aware that the Raven will only ever give him one answer.  It’s a play on the futility of deeper thinking to solve grief, a discussion on the nature of grief itself, and also a partial satire by Poe on making “a commercially successful poem” - one with deliberate rhyming intended “to appeal to both critical and popular tastes.”

It is perhaps one of the most famous and well-known pieces of American literature in history.

The Raven character is frequently compared to both heavenly messengers, such as angels, and more “evil” figures such as the devil, offering both the duality of possible salvation or damnation, depending on how the reader chooses to interpret it.  In the last stanza, the man effectively gives up on deciding which aspect the bird represents to him, and lets the bird’s “shadow” both consume him and “lift him.”

So basically, Reaper’s Nevermore skin is fucking American literary NERDISM.

“This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom’s core;”

And

“And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming, And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;”

In the skin, Reaper’s eyes glow purple, as do the “eyes” on his shotguns.  Moveover, Reaper will occasionally say “Nevermore” upon killing someone with this skin selected, a reference to the single word the bird says and also represents.  The word “Nevermore” represents a true finality - something that shall never happen “anymore”.  This is the first Reaper skin to be steeped in American literary history and references.  

The second, which might surprise some people, is:

Pumpkin?  But Pumpkin is a Halloween-theme skin!

But Pumpkin is also a reference to the Headless Horseman from “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” one of the oldest “American” folkstories and pieces of literature.  It’s true that the Headless Horseman character is himself derived from a number of European original sources, but the variation found in “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” has worked itself into American folklore and cultural concepts so deeply that it continues to affect American ideas of death, ghosts, and - yes - Halloween today.

In the Irving version of the story, the main character Ichabod Crane rides through the woods of Sleepy Hollow after a night of heavy partying and drinking and sharing ghost stories.  The man is very superstitious, and is frightened when “a ghost” appears riding on a horse, carrying “his head” in his lap.  The Headless Horseman pursues Ichabod through the woods, and eventually throws his head at Ichabod’s face.  In the morning, Ichabod has mysteriously vanished from town, and the only traces found of him in the woods are his startled horse, a saddle, a hat, and a smashed Jack-o-lantern.

In almost all versions of the tale, the Headless Horseman either wears or carries a flaming Jack-o-lantern for his head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SsCHYW_I3s

This is the Disney version of the story that I remember seeing as a child.  From the Headless Horsemen, a number of other American “skeleton” or “death” figures have been derived, including characters like Jack Skellington, Skeletor, and well...Reaper.

This is also probably why “The Reaper” in Junkenstein’s Revenge had strange horse noises associated with his appearance:

http://juunkrat.tumblr.com/post/151882686536/the-reaper-comes-for-your-s-horse-noise

Since the Legend of Sleepy Hollow and Halloween in general are associated with celebrating the fall harvest, Reaper has a number of voice lines exclusive to the skin talking about “harvesting”: “Harvest time” or “Time for the reapening.”

In fact, the entire concept of the Grim Reaper in American culture distantly stems from the Romans - not exactly Thanatos or Charon (both of whom were Greek), but Saturn, god of time and, well, harvesting.  Saturn was frequently depicted with the sickle or scythe, a tool that has carried over to other mythological figures like Father Time or the Grim Reaper, and Saturnalia was the Roman celebration of the harvest.  Much like Halloween, Saturnalia permitted role reversals, a shift in expectation, lots of partying, and both a respect and playful mockery of death.  Saturnalia is one of the possible sources for the origins of Halloween, combined with Gaelic, Scottish, and Irish roots and festivities - such as the dullahan and pumpkin/turnip-carving - and the Christian “All Saints Day”.  All of these aspects build into both the Grim Reaper and the Headless Horseman.

Again, this is not to say that the Headless Horseman is unique to American folklore mythology, nor that even skeletal figures are, but rather to acknowledge the prominence that these figures have taken on, especially as they relate to American Halloween.  Jack-o-lanterns (also not uniquely American) have become a popular symbol of the holiday.

And since we’re on the subject, here’s one of the myths of the origins of the Jack-o-lantern, from Irish roots:

“Many years later, the thief died, as all living things do. Of course, Jack's life had been too sinful for him to go to heaven; however, Satan had promised not to take his soul, and so he was barred from hell as well. Jack now had nowhere to go. He asked how he would see where to go, as he had no light, and Satan mockingly tossed him an ember from the flames of Hades, that would never burn out. Jack carved out one of his turnips (which were his favorite food), put the ember inside it, and began endlessly wandering the Earth for a resting place. He became known as "Jack of the Lantern", or jack-o'-lantern.” - Wikipedia on the origins of Jack-o-lanterns

(Almost all uses of the word “jack” derive from the name “Jack”)

Which brings us to a certain immortal soldier.

The reference to immortality denoted by the skin’s very blatant name “Immortal” probably indicates something like vampirism or simply being undead (as death seems to be something that both Jack and Gabriel are like...physically incapable of doing).  The extra-pale skin and the “skeletal” white paint on his gloves also point to him being some sort of...undead spirit.  While I’m willing to say he’s probably some sort of vampire in this (like Symmetra...whose Halloween skin is a whole ‘nother can of worms), it’s not impossible, giving the Scottish/Gaelic/Irish origins of the name Morrison, that “Immortal 76” is also a reference to Jack-o-lanterns.  Just food for thought.

More significantly, and more blatantly, the design of the Immortal skin is almost dead-on (heh) another cultural reference, although this one is less literary and more...poppy:

Given the fact that the black stripes on Immortal 76’s jacket is about as dead-on (somebody stop me) as Soldier’s design can get, the comparisons seem obvious.  Even if the design was not deliberately influenced by Thriller, Michael Jackson’s outfit in the music video is so iconic that it’s pretty difficult to escape its influences, especially if you’re making a Halloween skin.

Soldier’s “sunken”/overly-make-upped eyes are also probably a reference to Jackson’s ghoulish appearance in the Thriller video, when he’s taken on a more haunting appearance:

Moveover, both Thriller and Junkenstein’s Revenge (both the in-game event and the comic) pay homage to “cheesy Halloween thriller movies,” featuring things such as a third-person narrator, a number of movie references, and the overall theme of “playing at” Halloween.  I would hypothesize that Thriller probably had some sort of direct influence on the Halloween event itself, such as featuring a few “human protagonists” against a “zombie horde,” the narration by Reinhardt, cheesy lines between characters, and the whole concept of:

“You’re fighting for your life inside a killer thriller!”

Thriller remains one of the “theme songs” of American Halloween; arguably, it is the theme song of Halloween, so it would be very strange if Immortal 76 was NOT an homage to the song and the music video.

Plus, it yields itself to one of the best puns in Overwatch: Michael Jack-morri-son.

(Please note that I’m not necessarily arguing that Soldier: 76 was the best character for this homage - honestly, the fact that Lucio HASN’T had a Michael Jackson reference yet is mind-boggling considering he is actually a “professional music and star.”  Maybe for a different event?)

Going Commando

So I brought this up briefly in the Reaper References post, but as far as I can tell, Reaper and Soldier are the only two characters who make references to a major American movie star: Arnold Schwarzenegger.  This is rather odd considering characters like Reinhardt and Mercy are geographically and culturally closer to Arnold’s home country of Austria; Reinhardt in particular shares a similar sense of bravado and battle-lust that Arnold has portrayed in many of his films (Kindergarten Cop Reinhardt when?).

But in any case:

The Commando 76 skin pays homage almost directly to the Arnold Schwarzenegger film by the same name, “Commando,” which itself is pretty much a reference to other movies of similar caliber and nature.

Like, we’re talking down to the facepaint and everything:

And the vest:

And Arnold’s entire fucking outfit, really:

Reaper, on the other hand, has the voice line “If it lives, I can kill it,” which is a reference to Arnold’s famous quote “If it bleeds, we can kill it” from Predator, a movie that also features Schwarzenegger in a military role.  I’m waiting for someone to get an “Hasta la vista, baby” line - bonus points to Blizzard if they give it to Mercy.

And since Soldier’s stupidly Americanized skins aren’t fucking deep enough in American pop culture, he had to be given this fucking abomination of a skin:

This is a reference to American stuntsman Evel Knievel, known for trying to do crazy jumps on his motorcycle while wearing a very...patriotic outfit.

Why the fuck they gave him the mustache is...I dunno.

Evel Knievel is one of these weird American icons that is difficult to explain.  America has a long and bizarre history of “doing daring feats,” such as dropping off of Niagara Falls in a barrel (seriously, I’ve read a book on Sam Patch and just like...the whole concept of bravado in American culture is something that’s difficult to try and explain.  I blame our revolution or something) all the way down to dumb shit like pranks and stuff like “Jackass” (ahaha, another Jack word).  Again, it’s not that other cultures don’t have this - many do - but it’s so bizarrely celebrated in the U.S., to the point where Knievel has been dead for ten years but his legacy is still very much active and impressive to many Americans.

Knievel is also the source of the line: “Bones heal, pain is temporary, but chicks dig scars.”  Which, of course, “Daredevil: 76” has a slightly different variation on the line: “Bones heal, pain is temporary, but scars look good.”

Now, trust me - the change in wordage is super tempting to read into, but it’s much more likely that Blizzard dropped the line about “chicks” because the term is slowly falling out of favor in North America.  It’s not really a fun way to describe women anymore (although arguably it never was?), and I’m more inclined to say that they probably modified the quote to reduce the aging, not-funny slang.

That said, if you wanna read into it, go ahead?

...why did they give him the mustache?

And since we’ve got the ball rolling on military/stunt stuff:

When Does the Rooster Crow?

So in the Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year event, Soldier got a new voiceline that says “The rooster crows at midnight.”  Despite being FUCKING HILARIOUS for the implied “the cock crows at midnight,” it’s actually another reference.

This time to M*A*S*H.

http://mash.wikia.com/wiki/The_Rooster_Crowed_at_Midnight

“In an otherwise empty mail bag, they find a package for B.J. Hunnicutt which turns out to be the novel The Rooster Crowed at Midnight which, according to the jacket blurb, was "another brain-teasing, spine-chilling whodunit from the prize-winning pen of Abigail Porterfield". The jacket blurb also described Abigail Porterfield as a 97-year old lady who had been residing in Sydney, Australia for the last 60 years.

The bored MASH staff soon pass the book around sometimes a chapter or a page at a time. For Hawkeye, getting to read the first chapter "just might be better than sex". For the impatient Winchester, "it certainly takes longer around here." The efforts of the MASH staff to identify the murderer take up much of the time in the episode.”

It’s actually a rather clever homage to both a military show and the Year of the Rooster, and is pretty much the only time a crossover between the two is applicable.

And hopefully people don’t take this the wrong way, but I wanna get a little bit into Chinese-American and Korean-American culture.

Many people may not realize this, but in big cities, or hell even medium-sized cities and towns across the U.S. West Coast, Asian American individuals are ubiquitous.  I believe more people are familiar with the concept of Ellis Island in New York, which was a historic immigrations center almost everyone coming from Europe had to travel through, but the West Coast had “Angel Island,” a similar immigrations center that, quite frankly, was used to regulate how Asian immigrants entered the country during the 1900’s, many of them predominantly Chinese.  That said, even with “regulations,” Asian immigrants continued to enter the country and settled at various points along the West Coast, including in neighborhoods like San Francisco’s Chinatown and Los Angeles’ Koreatown.

“Since Koreatown has a Latino majority, it's not unusual to find Latino employees in restaurants and grocery stores speaking Korean with customers or Korean store owners engaging Latino customers in Spanish. An example of a cultural interchange between Koreans and Latinos in Koreatown is the popularity of Korean-inspired taco trucks in Los Angeles that feature classic Mexican food infused with Korean ingredients.” - Wikipedia on Koreatown

Inter-cultural exchanges here in California are fairly commonplace in major cities, and “multiculturalism” (or whatever you want to call it) is taught at schools across almost all grades.  In second grade, my class celebrated both Hanukkah and Chinese New Year - we learned the lion dance and ran around with paper dragons.  In third grade, we learned about St. Patrick’s Day.  In fourth grade, we studied the California Missions.

During Chinese and Lunar New Years, large “historically Asian” neighborhoods openly celebrate the festival, sometimes spanning two weeks or a few weekends.  San Francisco and Los Angeles in particular hold huge parades and have open markets of gifts and food for anyone to stop by and visit.

“The parade theme emphasizes ethnic diversity, Chinese culture and exposure to Chinese-American businesses. The parade continues to be a rich and diverse experience for Angelenos of all ages and ethnicities.

The day of the Lunar New Year is the most celebrated holiday of the year for nearly 1.5 million persons of Chinese, Korean, and Vietnamese descent in Southern California. It is celebrated with colorful festivals, parades, and most importantly, large family gatherings. It is also a time when ancestors are fondly remembered and families give thanks for their blessings. Red packets of money (Lai see or Hung bao) and firecrackers add fun and excitement to the Chinese New Year celebration.”

http://www.lagoldendragonparade.com/

I understand that the Year of the Rooster event was not limited to set characters, and that all characters received sprays, voice lines, etc.  My point is that characters like Reaper and Soldier celebrating the event alongside characters like Mei and D.Va would not be unusual to them.  Gabriel in particular would probably be more familiar with the event, which it seems like he is based on his line “now those are some fireworks” and his firecracker spray, but Jack having the “folded hands” spray would not be particularly unusual either.

Regardless of how I feel about Blizzard’s writing abilities, I believe that their familiarity with Los Angeles and California culture at large (and the fact that many of their employers are Asian Americans or of Asian heritage) led them to the conclusion that, 60 years into the future, Chinese and Lunar New Year will be events largely celebrated across the globe, or at least globally recognized.  The events are already massive celebrations in Asia, parts of North America, and parts of Australia.

Please know, however, that I obviously don’t speak for all Asian Americans on this matter, just myself and a few friends who I’ve talked to about this.  I believe that, given context, the way the Year of the Rooster was approached was handled well.  Personally, I found the Year of the Rooster events to be fun, entertaining, and delightful.  They reminded me of the the spirit of fun that permeates San Francisco on the CNY weekends.

Sorry this got so long, but hopeful this was informative and helpful!  The short version is that Reaper and Soldier are fucking NERDS about American history, literature, and cultural references.  There are times when American culture gets bleak, or poppy, or downright weird, but Reaper and Soldier show an interesting variety of references to a number of American cultural aspects, from the bleakness of Poe, to the pop of Michael Jackson, to the weirdness of Knievel, to the love of celebration and diversity of cultures.

And I guess that also makes me a nerd because I find that to be FUCKING AWESOME.

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - M. Night Parablamyan

You’ll be pleased to hear that Comic Sans has gone on indefinite leave. Also, the formatting has now become single line spacing, until I find I don’t like it or something. Let me know if you like it/love it/don’t give a monkey’s butt.

As ever, Emma can be found on Twitter as @Waruce, usually during PPVs.

Transmission date: Monday 12/Tuesday 13 June 2017.

all up in this bitch, cos it's SATURDAY AFTERNOON RAW! raise your hands if you can't remember thing one that's been happening on raw shit, can't type with my hands raised rescind that last advance warning: if i make more mistakes than usual in this writeup, extend me some leniency on account of i can barely see straight, because it's fucking summer so my eyes are full of TREE SPERM and MUCILAGE and THE DEATH OF ALL THINGS seriously, it's a party but oversharing aside, let's watch some wrestlemans and wrestlewomans, although the raw wrestlewomans' division needs to figure out what the fuck it's doing

we open with a recap of joe talking shit to an absent devil who i think is going to be turning up this week? i say that like i care and also him choking the life out of a small portly jewish man and being the most well-spoken kind of psychopath snapping into the present, we're apparently in the cajundome and immediately hit brock's music hey, they know what the fans want now i just need to figure out why they want that so yes, the championship is here, attached to the walking embodiment of technically-legal masking agents but thankfully, only paul has a mic apparently this is the day of joe's fuckupening i paraphrase, but i wish i wasn't "Like a shark luring the chum into his domain..." paul, i think we need to take you to seaworld or some shit apparently joe was somehow abusing brock's ring, despite the whole bit where he hasn't been here in a couple of months paul is hastily retracting everything complimentary he said about joe last week and now throwing shade about the fact that joe's not part of the anoa'i dynasty? that's certainly an esoteric burn the angle is that the coquina clutch would probably fuck brock up, but joe won't be able to get it on him because he ain't shit related note: can we have a moratorium on white dudes calling poc a 'mutt' or similar? leaves something of a bad taste joe arrives, him and brock immediately unload on each other kurt sends in security, brock kills them all, so paul calls in the whole roster to pull them apart and they kind of suck at it leave security to the pros, guys all the faces are clinging onto joe like he's the messiah and end thing, apparently tonight's main event is kkb/hardyz for the title round #34982, but this time it's two out of three falls cut for ads, and we come back on a recap video of the exact thing we just watched i know i say my memory's bad, but seriously booker's still here, because shut up with your reasons

but now, here's elias and his guitar and his array of scarves weirdly, this crowd seems pretty split on him he's written a song about the brave inhabitants of the cajundome asks the crowd to be quiet while he plays, cole immediately starts talking so yeah, this is a song about how louisiana and dean ambrose aren't collectively shit so here he comes elias, please never try and rhyme 'breath' with 'darkNESS' again recap video of the deep strangeness of miz's championship celebration aka, The Day Mike Fucked A Clock With A Chair (and offended his wife) i did like the ending of it, though it's nice to have the cameramen acknowledged as something that exists in-universe elias samson is present, so naturally corey is immediately salty as fuck he hates dean, too, but seriously "The man has the vocal stylings of a pigeon that's been stepped on!" (fun fact: i would probably listen the hell out of an elias samson album) (just do acoustic covers, whatever, i just like his voice) so far, this match consists mostly of dean trying to trashweasel his way out of trouble and elias shutting him down duelling chants seem a bit harsh: "You can't wrestle!" "YOU CAN'T SING!" dean gets his usual comeback sequence comprising a strange mix of real wrestling skill and just running in the vague direction of your opponent and hoping they fall harder than you do elias stands far too close on a suicide dive, basically just grabs dean and walks backwards like oh no i am defeated dean gets the upper hand of a super slow turnbuckle spot, miz runs in to bother him elias still can't even pick up a distraction pin maryse is backing miz up, so at least they're still okay dean goes for miz, he does the wife-shaped shield thing it doesn't work at all, miz gets beaten on a lot dean gets back in the ring, elias does a nasty knee drop on his back as he comes in, swinging neckbreaker for the pin "By hook or by crook, a W is still a W!" are you in a fucking ionesco play, corey

but now let's have more of goldust doing his thing his thing, of course, beign sitting in a chair at a terrible frame rate and quoting films dude, if you just turned that chair a bit, you wouldn't have to crane your neck like that can't be good for you but yeah, vague threats in the vague direction of r-truth

but now we're backstage, and an angry kurt has words for the miz those words basically being FUCKIN' QUIT IT he has enough trouble with big samoan guys named joe miz insults kurt, alludes to his indeterminate personal problems, you could chew the tension demands dean be suspended or fired, kurt retorts with a) shut the fuck up, and b) no maryse is apparently still angry at her husband kurt walks off, miz splutters, end thing cruiserweight time now, after this video to remind yiu just how good cedric alexander is, since he's been away for a while and here's noam dar arguing with his phone backstage cedric comes in to remind noam how done he is with him and his girlfriend's collective shit she is, of course, on the other end of the phone she's injured, but she wants her scottish sleazeball to beat cedric right the fuck up tonight cedric's like fuck, fine, whatever, i'll fight you tonight, but then can you please go bother literally anyone else

so yeah, now it's time for that match noam is still on his phone on speaker as he starts his entrance they're having a barely-audible argument and the phone's casting to the tron for some reason also, noam has a new jumper, and it's nowhere near as good alicia wants to be on the line through the match, noam does not want this the ref's like dude sort your shit out we've got a match to have finally puts it down in the corner, bell rings, lumbar check, end alicia is piiiiiiiiissed that's still an absolutely vicious finisher noam is trying to salvage this telepresence argument while also going oh holy fuck my spine hype no. 58 for the main event

but up next, bray wyatt...does a thing, i guess? he's certainly present and i'm ok with that but now a video package of roman, because god knows we haven't seen so much of him see, this package makes him look good, cos it's just the big spots and not all the slow-ass bullshit between them next week, roman has an announcement about summerslWYATT CUT bray fills the screen, tells us cheerfully that the world is ending does the i'm here thing, and now he is after a randy-based wyatt cut, for some reason did someone click the wrong file? corey calls bray 'bizarre', somewhere goldust is like wait a fucking minute bray's going to kill everyone who sins, sits in apathy while people sin, or blaspheme against him apparently seth lives in a house where his architect's blueprints cover the windows and block out the sun this may just be a parable, but it's a fucking great image oh, apparently bray shattered it because it was a glass house? did you mention this before, bray? bit of a shitty twist other wise m. night parablamyan and now seth will be picking splinters of glass out of his soul for eternity that's a fucking greek god level of ironic fate so yeah, anyone who takes the dark lord's name in vain will get fucked on speaking of, here comes seth to get fucked on/pick glass out of his soul i'd be good for either he's like wait a minute dude you cost me my match because i called you names that seems disproportionate but by the way, you suck seth claims he's here to pipe bomb some truth at us, calls bray a coward don't insult him, he has a backwards tractor bray takes the opportunity to give a sermon on pride, tells seth he, too, ain't shit like lol kingslayer ain't that cute *teleports backstage* bray claims he'll win because gods live forever think we need to read you some egyptian/norse myth there

but now, charly has the hardyz in the led interview backstage corridor whatever thing the hardyz would like you all to remember that they're awesome and that jeff has an unhealthy predilection for jumping off things but now, enjoy this montage of what cena's been up to and remember that he'll be back in an episode i am unlikely to blog

but now we have kalisto vs titus, through the medium of his younger, happier dude and akira tozawa is standing in the front row, because titus wants him on brand apollo beats on kalisto, titus stands by the barricade shouting at tozawa like DUDE LOOK AT MY BOY ISN'T HE GREAT tozawa is like please stop shouting at me kalisto goes for an excessively flippy handspring springboard stunner, apollo counters to a spinout powerbomb for the win titus drags tozawa into the ring for an uncomfortable selfie with them he's just like dude stop hugging me

but now, HARD CUT TO CLOSEUP OF RHYNO PUTTING CHEEZ WIZ ON CRACKERS we all needed that miz has come with a proposal for heath to become part of his entourage rhyno is like dude i'm standing right here miz promises to make all heath's dreams come true, heath's like well i've always wanted to be ic champ hmmmmm miz offers him a shot if he joins the dark side rhyno's like you know what fuck you dude i'm gonna go find kurt to give us a match against you maybe rustle up a friend we're out *aggressively eats crackers* so yeah

spot about that theme park competition thing, but now here's alexa our resident wrestlewoman with her shit together oh hey, a recap of last week's match so it did happen after all no, alexa, don't kick off by mentioning your match at extreme rules we're all trying to forget on saturday, we've got the first women's mitb match, but fuck that noise, tonight's about me but here's nia to take issue with the fact that alexa offered her a title shot, then whined about it and cheated out of it alexa's like i know right we should have had a great match but those two fucked everything up so here come those two mickie's redesigned her gear to play up the Native elements again chest dreamcatcher and everything mickie and dana try to remind everyone how much of a bitch alexa's been to nia in fornt of everyone alexa's like lol no i think your eyesight's going ah, cheap ageist jokes but now,...hit emma's music not that i'm gonna complain fucking love that music *beep boop beep boop* emma announces her dramatic return, demands a shot for the title alexa's just like um do you even go here and now here's sasha fuck it, everyone in the division in the segment that's how we do wrestling, right? so wait, are alexa and nia the only heels on the show? seems unbalanced sasha mocks alexa for literally everything she does, punches her in the face, cue brawl and hard cut to an advert for the episode of smackdown i'l be watching later back from ads, and we've got the 6-woman tag match we all saw coming so yeah, emma's still a heel, just one with a problem with the even heelier champ so yeah, emma's back, with weird shoulder things and boobface and everything although following a gear redesign, the boobface has gone from :) to :o it's great that she's back because she's great, but it does mean i have been once again demoted to the second coolest person to bear the name formulaic tag, sasha hot tags in to beat on emma, alexa decides to just walk off instead of letting emma tag out, bank statement for the tap this is not how you make friends

confirmed, later we have slater/rhyno vs miz/[NAME]

but next, corey talks to bayley about her utter lack of extreme after this advert for gold bond and MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY cole massively hypes it, then is like wait what the fuck am i saying that's the wrong brand smoothly done and now, have a package about how great finn is, and that is THE ONLY ORDER THOSE WORDS GO IN complete with lots of shots doing the arms and telling us how good he is

but yes, now we have corey/bayley just by his existence, corey must remind her how extreme she's not for the love of god, woman, get a tatt bayley's like hey i've never been in that situation before i'm a normal person i don't want to hurt people corey's like um have you ever wondered why you're in this business bayley does this whole motivational self-improvement thing which doesn't really work on its own cena does that, but with the understood subtext that if you get in the way of him being his best self, he will fuck your shit right up and bayley says her next thing is to get the belt back manageable steps slightly awkward hug, end interview so that was a thing

but now, here come A ONE MAN BAAAAAAAAAND (and his friend) rhyno should rebrand as a one man road crew miz and maryse arrive, wearing the mania jackets again, because all the best people read this blog (hey, mike) apparently he approached elias during the advert break, who said yeah fuck off dude so here comes his partner with music that sounds like the laughing fucking gnome of something and on a tricycle it's the bear although this bear is much taller and walks like dean ambrose corey christens him Big John Cubb crowd chant for a tag, miz is like i'm not a moron do you think i don't know who this is corey is just spamming us with spurious life facts about the bear because of his refusal to tag in a large mammal, rhyno is just fucking miz up all over the place cole makes a reference to the jbl and cole show, to reward dedicated weirdos bear tags himself in heath tries to take his mask off, bear punches him in the face good to know bears follow lucha tradition does a bearhug (naturally), heath nearly taps miz tags, then starts beating the piss out of the bear at ringside rips off the mask, revealing some dude, once again and rhyno spears miz into the netherworld throws him back into the ring, bear follows, heath tries to convince him to turn on his master, bear hits heath with dirty deeds, excessively long realisation beat, he unmasks and is in fact dean did...did we just get twin magicked by a bear? IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, MIZANIN! ahem dean goes for miz, he jumps and knocks maryse off the apron she hobbles off with a dark look dean stands there with a magnificent ooooooops look until miz turns around, when he hits him with dirty deeds and puts a still-unconscious heath on top of him for the pin slater and rhyno leave, dean puts the bear head on miz and walks off this just became strange this feels like it should be on one of those serial killer warning sign lists miz eventually rips it off, glares, end segment

hopefully we should have the main event next, if they want to give it the time it deserves oh, looks like we actually are huh was not expecting them to do the whole sensible booking thing recap video of the most beautifully-executed surprise return at mania and also this entire feud i'd forgotten how good their heel turn was, as well oh wait, never mind, neville's here phew if wwe started booking things in a sensible, organic way that gave things room to breathe, i wouldn't know what to do rich swann enters, does his usual dancing, gets punched in the back because neville's taken a bunch of levels in twat oh wait was that the neville level i get it beats swann all over the place, rings of saturn until he stops twitching demands his belt and a mic neville crouches by swann, recites a list of pretenders he's fucked on, kicks him out of his ring starts a monologue like it's good to be the king but will all you usurpers just fuck away off namechecks tozawa, hopefully kickstarting a feud that i am down for like you would not believe apparently titus tweeted that selfie and suggested tozawa might win the title the king is less than amused but now, charly interviews the kkb cesaro has a copy of the hardyz' autobiography so they can laugh and throw it away they keep getting more things on their jackets including they live OBEY patches, which is cool

and next, enzo/cass vs anderson/gallows seriously, you should really logically need more time for a two out of three match than a normal one this show has like half an hour left and we still have to see enzo do a thing or not, who knows with this angle douchebag joisey music hits, nobody is here cut backstage, cass is on the floor under some girders the revival walk past in the background, no reason cass says he went down with one blow to the head, emphasises how HARD they hit enzo doesn't want him to fight, but he insists but in the ring, gallows and anderson are here to trade secondary school burns and muttley laughs about enzo and cass hit twat music again, long beat, and here they are accompanied by a bunch of refs like seriously dude this is a terrible idea if only we had some power to stop this match happening alas, we are only lowly wrestling officials, all we can do is point and harangue corey calls enzo a trash fire masquerading as a human being, which i'm like 80% sure is a john oliver line? sort your material, dude cass beats on anderson through weaponised staggering, finally ags out enzo's 3am-behind-a-hollister style works for a bit, until anderson just kicks him in the head a bunch and tags gallows in cass is lying on the floor outside and magic killer for the pin turns out going into this match with a recent head injury was a terrible idea who knew they set him up for another magic killer, but here comes a big shooooooow to help at which point the heels run away and enzo and show awkwardly hug which is what cass comes around to see fuck daggers, he's glaring broadswords show leaves, cass comes up to his partner like the fuck dude, cut to ads

main event next, fucking finally

ok, no, we have to watch an r-truth reaction video first these have a solid frame rate at least, but that's come at the cost of things like 'colour film', and 'not having r-truth' truth quotes network, forgets to cite it, promises to get goldust got get got got get, end and now in the corridors, enzo comes up to show like dude, the clues all kind of point to you, so i have to ask show's like what the fuck you twat i...oh wait, it's your partner, what a twat calls cass sawft, walks off, end

but now we have a recap video of brock and joe from the start of the show why the fuck do we even need to see this just get to the main event already less than 20 minutes left this is not enough time for a properly-paced best of three match with build and everything oh, and now we get to see joe talking to mike mcmikemike backstage apparently this whole debacle has been exactly according to joe's plan this plan has never been clearly stated which is probably also exactly as planned we are all dancing on a large samoan's palm

but now, here come the hardyz fucking finally oh, and an advert break and that package for how great roman is again siiiiiiiiiiigh thing i didn't quite catch before this cut: is matt hardy wearing a fucking button-fronted short-sleeved shirt? that makes no sense for anyone whose gimmick doesn't include the words 'Caribbean', 'dipshit', or 'Caribbean dipshit' cut back, and now he's wearing no shirt ah well guess some things can just never be known and here are the kkb they've kept the jackets, but gone without shirts to maximise the orbital terawatt laser effect of their entrance bell rings, just over twelve minutes left in the show fucking hell, wwe trust your talent the teams clearly know time is against them - sheamus tries to open with a brogue, then immediately takes poetry in motion and a twist of fate for a nearfall and then sheamus basically just punches jeff in the face for the first fall? this match had so much potential sigh and now, let's cut away for an ad break and naom, gallows and anderson advertising pizza hut buy pizza from us, so twats can take it off you and back to the match recap of the first fall - jeff went for a twist of fate, sheamus countered, threw him into the corner, and did a slightly underwhelming kick to the face for the pin and now we have sheamus just kicking the shit out of jeff jeff mule kicks sheamus into a blind tag, matt hot tags in and starts mashing cesaro's head into all the turnbuckles does a delete, on the grounds that anthem probably don't give a shit, right? kicks sheamus off the apron, twist of fate on cesaro for the win i hope this narration is giving some sense of how perfunctory and artificially quick this is that's two falls in just under five minutes in a fucking championship match sheamus kicks jeff off the apron, kicks matt in the face, knees matt in the face, still can't get a pin turns out all my problems cannot, in fact, be solved by kicking jeff breaks up a pin, sheamus throws himout of the ring, cesaro goes for a neutraliser on matt, matt counters, cesaro counters that back into a sharpshooter, rope break nice sequence then matt goes for a small package, which kind of just seems like a dick move double hot tags, jeff does his usual spots, twist of fate to sheamus, cesaro breaks it just in time sheamus drops jeff on the ropes, cesaro uppercuts him, still no pin jeff bullfights sheamus into the ring post, hits a lovely swanton, cesaro pulls sheamus out of the ring just before 2 cue brawling at ringside aaaaaand double countout with which the cajundome is just so fucking satisfying brawl continues, because fuck you and your matches and your belts and we fade on the hardyz shouting from the ring while the kkb pose with their questionably-retained belts

so yeah that's it that's the show the fuck, guys? i mean obviously it was meant to be unsatisfying, and they're going to be doing it again, presumably at GBoF, but still you could still have done it without that shitty tease match but who knows maybe it'll be narratively significant

anyway, let's clean out that bad taste with some SATURDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN! oh wait it's the setup show for a ppv roll on the shitty tease matches! setting up for mitb, so everything is ladders and tonight we have 6-man tag of the men's mitb contestants and randy and jinder 'face to face'

but now, the new day being played to the ring by their very own marching band, because we're in new orleans, so why the fuck not they could probably take shinsuke's violinist, but i'd watch it kofi opens by thanking the band even before doing their own introduction, which is good form the usos interrupt their gyrating to angrily enter and be thug at them and they can't even finish that before the fashion police turn up fandango claims to have compelling evidence hat their day one is not so h after all "If anything, your day one is...G." tell em tyler tyler gets to finish his sentence before the colóns enter to talk shit about breezango's policing skills (psst, guys) (they're not real detectives) so yeah, we're getting an 8-man tag match here although it's not immediately clear how the fashion police are allying themselves with three men wearing about 17 strings of beads between them the levelling for the announce mics is just fucked to hell tonight does smackdown even *have* a tech team, or is that how they run such a streamlined, modernised show? i do love that this push has given tyler and dango the opportunity to remind us how good they are at wrestling jbl, please stop making bead string jokes *brief shudder* xavier and tyler do a weird-ass combo move consisting of tyler doing a rana-style headscissors on xavier, then stopping at the top so xavier can throw him at primo followed by xavier joing the burgeoning dropkick to the back club the faces take everyone else out of the ring, stop for a brief trombone break and now we get to watch more american adverts i am officially tired of this shit i would much rather be watching this match than adverts about how cigarettes will fuck your mouth or this enormously fucked mountain dew advert and i can't even watch the tiny version in the corner i am very easily distracted oh thank fuck, we're back tyler's in trouble thanks to those dastardly usos jbl reminds us again how the usos are the greatest tag team in the world, and somewhere jason jordan is crying i mean, that's statistically likely at any given point, but still yeah, tyler's just getting the piss knocked out of him including a simultaneously dull yet impressive vertical suplex from epico comes back by throwing a bent-over epico at primo, then clotheslining primo so he ddts him nice, if making no sense whatsoever kofi tags in, kicks everyone, hits jimmy with a boom drop and trouble in paradise for the near-fall and tags in xavier for upupdowndown for the pin and taunt the usos as they retreat in failure

but later tonight, we have charlotte/nattie

but now, aj talks to shinsuke backstage and sami walks in like hey guys what do you want to do in this match asks for ideas, then talks over aj with his usual overthinky ring general thing does a they don't want none, goes for a high five, aj just stares, asks if shinsuke likes the plan, he just stares, sami answers himself and walks off to get warmed up long beat Shinsuke: "...I like him." AJ: "Of course you do." some lovely chemistry between those two which shoudl really surprise nobody

but now, dasha interviews mojo in some random corridor hey mojo, how did it feel to fail and not achieve your dreams last week? mojo is still wearing his watermelon hat magnanimous in defeat he's kind of happy he lost, because he responds to adversity with HYPE and we haven't seen the last of him and as he says this ZACK FUCKING RYDER appears the crowd are as stoked about this as i am he is officially back, and the hype bros are back together get the fuck in so yeah, this tag division's kind of huge

but now, here's naomi who we are reliably informed is amayayayayzing although the same cannot really be said of this new flourescent halter top she's got and she's fighting everybody's favourite leather-clad lunarian (shut up, i'll stop making that joke when and only when it stops being really fucking funny to me) bell hasn't even rung when the trash jazz begins just look at that woefully impractical dress and that super fucking awkward walk down the ramp we couldn't have brought her up through nxt and moved billie and peyton up to perform exactly the same purpose because... jbl explains the incomprehensible ascent of lana with leicester city, neglecting the fact that leicester had in fact played premiership football before that season anyway, tamina and naomi are just beating the hell out of each other tamina like i'll see your bouncy moves and leg lariats and counter by PUNCHING YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF YOUR BODY try punching her leg off of her leg i hear that works against people with legs i don't think i will ever not love that somersault facelock escape naomi does although it does kind of pose the question why she doesn't just commit to it and do a shiranui and split moonsault for the pin good match lana blindisdes the champion incredibly slowly, does a weird-ass glam slam type thing, then gets the belt off an official just by asking for it didn't know you could just do that and all jbl can say is how the belt matches her dress siiiiigh

but now, here are the singhs to introduce their boss he comes in wearing the sharpest fucking blue suit you will ever see next up in entrance music i like way more than i feel i should... the ring is sporting a fucking lovely carpet jinder briefly calls out randy, then goes straight in to calling him a coward and insulting his father maybe ramp the smacktalk up there? and now we're up to the 'promise to dismantle your enemy's legacy backward through history' step this curve feels like it's going to end up in actual bloodshed very soon starts his promo to his people/shouting at the crowd in punjabi, gets partway through, randy's music hits sends the singhs down the ramp to head him off, only for randy to run in out of the crowd and rko jinder on that lovely carpet and then he just fucks back off throught the crowd who love him for being a dickbag but somehow also a babyface dickface? yeah, let's go with that even if it wasn't in his hometown, they could not be setting this up for a 'shock' randy loss any more cue several seconds too long of randy posing and glowering in the stands

and now we have kevin coming into the locker room to brief baron and dolph who don't give the slightest shit what he has to say he's just like guys, i don't actually like either of you, but it's mutually beneficial to work together to take out the babyfaces rather than being dicks for the sake of it and shooting ourselves in the foot which...actually makes sense? dammit, kevin, stop bringing logic and game theory into my wrestling leaves to let them process this, cut to ads

up next, charlotte/nattie

but first, renee interviews randy backstage and he's just like have you even been listening talk less hit more i'm win the thing and leaves well, at least he's sticking to his epiphanies

but yes, now we have the women's match natties back to her old gear, and i'm not thrilled jbl just used the phrases "most likely" and "statistical certainty" right the fuck next to each other in a sentence dude, words mean things and you need to stop just saying whatever but yes, charlotte is here too, with new gear patterned off the terrible moulding on your grandparents' bathroom fittings shot of becky watching the match backstage pull up a fucking chair for once, someone

more wrestling in a minute, but first, YOU WATCH THIS ADVERT BREAK MOTHERFUCKER including an advert romanticising the fact that people need stimulant shots to participate in capitalist society see, this is what happens when you make me watch adverts whioe i'm freestyling i just end up veering into political/economic philosophy, and it's hard to come back from that oh thank god, we're back

we come back on natalya surfboard stretching charlotte like fuck you, i'm a real wrestler charlotte moonsaults nattie for a nearfall as we pan out to carmellsworth watching the match on a tv bigger than either of them again with fuck you i can wrestle, nattie powerbombs charlotte out of the corner for a nearfall (don't tell anyone, but this is actually a good match) naturally, as i say that, it turns into a series of cheap rollup attemtps, then natural selection for the pin but it made charlotte look desperate, which it's always nice to see side note: they've recoloured the GBoF logo so BALLS is the least eye-catching part

time for fashion files noir bitches dango opens with a gritty monologue about his terrible parents cut to him admirin his pecs in a mirror and cut to tyler, lying in the trashed fashion police office dango gets a description of their attackers "One arm....No, two arms!" dango sketches something, tyler confirms that it was them who attacked him dango hustles tyler off to get help, and we slow zoom on the pair of stick figures as the segment ends

but now, let's have an inspiration porn segment about a kid not dying of liver disease let's not get into my ranting about disability politics

moving on, dasha grabs lana backstage for an opinion lana's like i don't actually give a shit what any of you think byeeeeeeee

but now it's main event time opening with kevin's massive distorted face it's like neville and tjp selling their names for power, this is clearly a 'you can be champion if we can reveal how you look like hodor when viewed from below' situation and now here's baron, accomnpanied by a vt of him being a twat last week (but which instance? we may never know) dolph's entrance is mostly overridden by an advert for talking smack, which i won't be watching because jbl's on it sami and aj enter with less fanfare, but they still don't want none to leave time for the best music in the company but how will he enter tomorrow night the suspense whoever the tommaso ciampa-looking dude in the corner is, he is freaking the fuck out about being within reach of shinsuke cut for ads, during which the match apparently started and as we come back, i realise that i didn't fully appreciate the awfullness of those godawful cyan tights dolph iswearing only emphasised by putting him in the ring with shinsuke shinsuke counters dolph's elbow drop through his signature technique of 'being elsewhere', hot tags aj in, and he opens by basically hitting dolph with the bitter end and then an ushigoroshi, except we don't say that any more ooh, nice counter goes for a styles clash, dolph counters to a tornado ddt everyone else gets involved, cut for ads, and we come back on dolph/sami natursally, kevin immediately comes in as i type that sami counters kevin's senton with his knees, basically turning it into a self-inflicted lumbar check as often happens, this heel team seems much more concerned with shouting at everyone within range than having the match sami gets the shit beaten out of him by kevin, counters to a blue thunder bomb, can't quite flop fast enough to make the tag takes some more punishment, pulls out a big lariat and then bullfights all three heels out of the ring in succession sloooooowly flops to his corner, and just as he gets there dolph and kevin pull aj and shinsuke off the apron lovely bit of timing so sami just goes fuck it and helluva kicks baron for the pin maybe lead with that general fighting ensues and now kevin has a ladder he and dolph hit sami and aj with it "Unforgiving impact of that ladder on your flesh." byron's freestyling for his upcoming black metal album meanwhile, baron gets the ladder and fucks on everyone with it sets it up under the briefcase, climbs sloooooowly enough for shinsuke to push it over and somewhere, randy orton began to bleed kinshasa to baron, and shinsuke dramatically climbs the ladder himself and retrieves the most important business supplies in the world and we fade on him posing

so yeah, setup show, but that was pretty good and it looks like mitb should be good better than extreme rules, at any rate and certainly less of a misnomer unless it suddenly becomes clear that shane's accounts were frozen long ago and there was never actually any money but in any case i'll try and get this up tonight (Saturday), and then it's mitb tomorrow hmu on twitter @waruce if you want to see me struggle not to fall asleep and also to reconcile my excitement for MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY with the failings of late-stage capitalism (shit, it happened again)

anyway, that ends this week's show, but up next, it looks like it's gonna get a bit finnegans wake