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Episode 2 Transcript: DGAF

[Garageband Good Omens theme song plays]

C: Hello! My name is Crystal.

G: And my name is Grey.

C: And this is Rubbish and Probably a Podcast, a Good Omens commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show too many times…

G: And I, someone who only knows this show through Crystal, discuss every single episode of Good Omens.

C: For today’s episode, we are discussing Season 1, Episode 2: “The Book.”

G: It's the book!

C: Sure is.

G: I think it's fascinating that in the episode "The Book" I have begun to feel an inclination to read the book Good Omens. [C laughs]

G: I think- 'cause last episode, I think I talked about, like, in the podcast, I talked about how it's a book, like, the TV show obviously comes from a source material, but it still feels fresh and original, and blah blah blah. And the more we go through the story, I am now more and more curious how the source material looks. Like, what did they add, you know? How did they modernize it in a way?

C: A lot of it is "What did they subtract?" also.

G: Really? Yeah, okay. Last episode, we spent most of it in like, a flashback, in a way. Like, we're not in the right now of the story. But now, we are in the right now of this story, so now, more than it did last episode, it matters when the now is. And I am curious how they presented "now" in the book, when the now was like, in the 90s? Was this written in the 90s?

C: Yeah, yeah, it was written- or published in 1990.

G: vs how now is in, you know, 2020 or whatever. This is 2019, right? Season 1.

C: Oh, yeah, yeah.

G: I think I just assumed that their "now" was still the 90s or like, the 80s or whatever, because- I don't know. Like, the look is of like- it certainly doesn't look of the now, like, you know. The buildings or whatever

G: I mean, I don't really know what London looks like.

C: Maybe it's just London. Who knows?

G: Like, maybe London just looks like it's stuck forever in the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, or 80s. [both laugh] But I don't know.

C: Maybe.

G: It really is- It well may be a 40- or 50-year-old man. It is the 40- or 50-year-old man of its time and place and locale.

C: Exactly.

G: I had this thought when Anathema brought out the iPad, and it was like, "Oh my god! She has an iPad! That's crazy!" [laughs] And she literally does have an iPad. And I was like, "Oh, so we're in modern modern times. That's crazy!"

C: I don't recall exactly what they did to modernize it. I think there are bits. I don't think it's like, enough to warrant reading the book. I feel like if you want to read the book, it's to see the original Aziraphale and Crowley characterizations which are slightly different from the show's but which I care about deeply enough that any slight differences mean a lot.

I mean, you've been on an audiobook kick recently.

G: That's true.

C: There's like, two audiobooks for Good Omens. So once we are done with Season 1, you are free to go about that at your leisure.

G: Yeah. I mean, I am also on a Dostoyevsky [both laugh] kick right now, so maybe I'll take some time, 'cause that book is fucking long. Well, both of them are so insanely long it's unreal.

C: Yeah. Do you wanna hit us with the synopsis for this episode?

G: Oh, yeah, I do do that. [C laughs] Oh, by the way, is Good Omens the entire 6 episodes written by one person? Is it really just-

C: Yeah, it's all Neil Gaiman.

G: That's interesting! Because even for shorter shows like this, there tends to be more robust writing teams, right?

C: Yeah, I mean, I think it's just that he wrote the book, and also I feel like he's stated that he considers the TV show to be sort of like-

G: His baby, yeah.

C: - him carrying out his and Terry Pratchett's vision, so he probably doesn't trust other people with it.

G: Yeah, that makes sense. That does actually make sense. Oh, you know what else I found out today?

C: What?

G: So I knew that Terry Pratchett is British. Terry Pratchett's British, right?

C: I think.

G: So I think- I don't know why, but I've always known that in a way. I don't even know Terry Pratchett. I've never read any of his stuff.

C: Yeah, nor I.

G: I just always assumed, you know? [laughs] Like, I just always thought he was British. Anyway, prior to knowing about Good Omens and prior to watching a clip that you made me watch, like, a month ago, I didn't know that Good Omens was British.

C: What clip was that?

G: Well, you made me watch the kissing scene. [laugh]

C: [laughing] I did?? When did I do that?? That sounds like something I would do when I was not in my right mind. The whole thing?

G: I mean, whatever it is they could put in YouTube immediately after the episode aired. [C laughs] I watched it, and it was like, a video that's like, you know, like, the coloring was bad, it was filmed one way or another through a phone or whatever. Like, it's a fun video. Anyway, [laughs] I watched that, and I was like, "Oh my god, they're British!" [C laughs]

C: Oh, so they talked and stuff and everything?

G: Yes.

C: Oh, god! I've ruined our entire lives. Okay, continue.

G: No, you even told me, like, "There's no nightingales" or whatever, like, there's a verse-

C: Oh my god. What a dumb fucking line. I hate what shows are self-referential.

G: No, exactly. You told you told me that.

C: [laughs] Yeah, okay. Great.

G: Well, anyway, my point is, they started speaking, and I was like, "Oh, they're British." But I just always assumed that Neil Gaiman was American.

C: He lives in the US mostly.

G: Okay. I always assumed that Good Omens was an American show, and then I learned that Good Omens is British, and I was like, "Oh, that's wonderful that Neil Gaiman, an American guy, [C laughing] went out of his way to do a lot of research to like, you know, write in a different locale!" [laughs]

C: Right, right, he really got Britpicked.

G: And today, I was, you know, thinking about it, and I was like, "Is that even true?" So I Googled, and Neil Gaiman is, in fact, "an English writer," as Wikipedia puts it.

C: Yeah, yeah. He sure is.

G: I feel betrayed in some way. [C laughs]

C: Uh-huh.

G: This is the first betrayal Neil Gaiman has done to me.

C: Yeah, yeah, one of many.

G: I'm sure there will be more in the future.

C: Well, we'll send him to accent training class. [G laughs] We'll get that Britishness sucked out of him.

G: No, because- yeah, I don't know. I was like, so enamored by the idea of like, writing for a different locality. Like, I always thought that was very cool-

C: We see him writing for a different locality briefly in this episode, [G laughs] and he did not do his research.

G: That's true. So yeah. Oh, the synopsis. I'm supposed to do that.

C: Real.

G: So the synopsis is "Anathema Device and Newton Pulsifer enter the picture as the Final Days draw nigh. Aziraphale and Crowley continue their quest for the correct Antichrist in the hopes of averting Armageddon."

C: They sure do.

G: Very succinct! So this episode, a lot of it is set-up. A lot of it. Like, we spend a lot of time with people we haven't met before, introducing them, introducing their lives.

C: It's just "Here's a human, here's their gimmick, watch them gimmick about."

G: I watched this episode twice.

C: Nice.

G: My first watch, I found it so insanely boring, the first part of the episode. [C laughs] And then, you know, when Aziraphale and Crowley show up, I'm like, "Okay, we're back to the thing." But the way the episode plays out towards the end, like, I actually was like, "Oh, it feels much more powerful when Aziraphale ends up with the book 'cause you know where the book has been and what it has been through." And when I rewatched the episode, I was enthused the entire way, like, the entire episode, I was enthused.

C: Nice.

G: So, I don't know, like, I mean, something that I don't like about TV shows is that there's so much setup. Like, you need to invest so much time to then invest even more time. But like, I think this episode does it well enough, and it's pretty- it's pretty effective at it.

C: Yeah, yeah, I do enjoy the setup as long as it's interesting, which I think it is here. And then it's nice to see everybody cross paths.

C: We open in Soho on Thursday, two days to the end of the world. Gabriel and Sandalphon pay Aziraphale a visit. [G laughs] I do think that this scene is so funny it's unreal.

G: John Hamm- I love him. I've already waxed poetic about John Hamm, but maybe I should do it again.

C: Yeah, yeah. Maybe he'll hear you and come on our podcast. [G laughs]

G: Exactly. [laughs]

C: He's American. [laughing] There's your American involved in Good Omens that you want so bad. But yeah, basically, there's like, customers, browsing, and they're like- Gabriel and Sandalphon are like, "How do we get in the back room to talk to Aziraphale privately?" And instead of asking, they just both are like, "Hi, we wanna buy a- a thing." "A book." "Yes, okay. We wanna buy a book, and we have to talk about it in the back because... it's porn."

G: And I am so amused that they are like, "Oh, this is so effective, [C laughs] and humans are so stupid. We just tricked all of them." And Aziraphale is like, "You sure just did, buddy. That sure is what happened."

C: Yeah. Right. Specifically, Sandalphon says something like, "Oh, we humans are easily embarrassed, so we must buy our pornography secretively." Which I think is fun, as like, a- So angels aren't prudish about sex or anything, is the idea, right? "Like, lust isn't inherently a sin, blah blah blah blah, whatever. Just buy your porn in the open, dude."

G: I also like, you know, it's a nice insight to the whole like, "Aziraphale knows how to be human so significantly more than his other angel counterparts."

C: Yeah. Gabriel doesn't even remember the word for "book." Sandalphon has to correct him.

They go to the back room, and, you know, Aziraphale is introduced to Sandalphon. And

I just love how Sodom and Gomorrah is like, shorthand, for like, "This is an angel who's mean and bad." [laughs]

G: Yeah. "This is an angel who killed so many people."

C: Don't they do something similar with Uriel [both] in Supernatural?

G: Yes.

C: It's definitely implied that he did Sodom and Gomorrah, at least.

G: Like, when Cas was like, being lobotomized, I think Sodom and Gomorrah was brought up with something that was erased out of his mind or something. So like-

C: They prevented him from being gay? [G laughs] Or they prevented him from knowing about homophobia? Yeah. Speaking of Sodom and Gomorrah, book fact moment, I really enjoy a time when they mentioned Gomorrah in the book because, okay, it's like, Aziraphale and Crowley are talking about how they're like, both so so screwed. And Aziraphale’s like, "I, too, am screwed." And Crowley is like, "Oh, come on. Like, you guys have ineffable mercy and stuff." And then Aziraphale goes, "Yes. Did you ever visit Gomorrah?" And Crowley goes, "Sure. There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass." And Aziraphale goes, "I meant afterwards," and Crowley goes, "Oh." What a fun moment, to me, only. [laughs]

Sandalphon says that something smells evil in the back room, which, love the idea that Crowley just goes around admitting evilness as a scent.

G: Yeah.

C: Personally, I think it's his Axe body spray. [G laughs] Grey, as a perfume guy, what do you think Crowley would actually use, besides Axe body spray, of course?

G: I think, honestly, he would be a Tom Ford guy. Like, he loves that like, you know, like, look at his car. Look at his outfits. He loves that kind of like, old, classic, sophisticated bullshit. I don't know, actually, if Tom Ford is old or classic or sophisticated. It's definitely expensive.

C: Mm. Yeah, Crowley just seems like the type to just find the most expensive possible perfume and then not pay for it, and then wear it just knowing that he didn't pay for it and that is the most expensive one.

G: Yeah.

C: But Aziraphale makes a joke about Jeffrey Archer, who is- he was supposedly- he's a conservative politician who was in jail for two years for perjury, and also wrote some best-selling fiction.

G: Yeah. I asked my British friend about this- if, like, she has any special insight on this guy, and she was like, "I don't even know who that is." And I was like- Well, she said, like, "I think it's a writer, but I don't know anything else," and I was like, "I think he was in the Parliament, and also he was in prison." [both laugh] And then she was like, "I literally don't know that, and also, I'm so shocked that you even know anything about this guy." Well, yeah. It's not like, I guess, in the consciousness of people our age, like, 20s. So I don't know.

C: Yeah, that tracks. So Gabriel's very enthused about how everything's going. He's like, "You know, it's all going according to the Divine Plan. We've got the hellhound. We have the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are Death, Pollution, Famine, and War," but he doesn't know who summons them.

G: Yeah, [laughs] he says he outsources it.

C: Very fun. And then Sandalphon has his moment where he's like, "You know, it's like, I always say. [laughs] You can't have a war without War."

G: And, like, Gabriel is so enthused by this. He loves this joke so much.

C: Like, "Oh my god, that's so good, man!"

G: Yeah, he was like, "I could make a slogan out of this! It's funny-" and even as he walks out of the thing, he's like, "Wow! You can't have war [both] without War?" [laughs] God.

C: "Man. What a smart guy." Yeah. They head out after shouting "Thank you for my pornography!" out of the door. So real.

G: Yeah. I think it was in this moment that I thought to myself, "Crystal loves Crowley so so so so much," so I think a part of me was expecting to also love Crowley like, a lot more than Aziraphale.

C: Oh no, Aziraphale's like, my specialest little princess also.

G: I like him [laughs] so so so so much more significantly than I do Crowley.

C: I... get it. He is endearing, in a way that Crowley isn't necessarily.

G: Yeah! He's like, a frumpy old guy. I love that.

C: Yeah, yeah.

G: But Crowley is fun. Crowley is really, really fun, and I do love him.

C: Thank you.

G: And like, I think he's a very fun character. But like, there's something about Aziraphale that feels like he was made for me. Do you know what I mean?

C: Yeah, yeah.

G: Like, he tickles a part of my brain that I feel like, "Oh, like, okay, this guy is like, the target audience for this type of character, is in my general area." So

C: Uh-huh. I'm trying to think, let's see, which friends do I have in real life-

G: And he tries to be nice. And he has like, a whole like, "Oh, I'm better than that!" like, mindset. And I like that- I don't know, I like that he's kind of ugly [C laughs], like, he's so frumpy. I love that.

C: Yeah, yeah.

C: We cut to Crowley's apartment in Mayfair. What do you think about the set design here?

G: I think it's interesting that Aziraphale is in a very homey, very comfy- like, his home base is the bookshop, and they really go out of their way to make it as cozy as possible, and Crowley's place is literally just like, "It's also there." [laughs] Like, "It's also a location."

C: Yeah.

G: He has the Mona Lisa drawing in the back, and-

C: They cut out the scene in the book and also in the show of, like, Crowley and Leonardo da Vinci hanging out and Leonardo da Vinci being like, "Man, I could get her smile right in this one that I'm giving you, but like, the one I'm actually painting, like, she looks like shit. Her husband's gonna hate it!"

G: It is obviously built to look ominous or whatever. But I love that the way it comes off to us is more of, like, Crowley doesn't really GAF [laughs] about his- I should stop saying that. [laughs]

C: What?

G: I should stop saying DGAF and-

C: [laughing] Oh, Crowley doesn't really give a fuck. Okay. I was like, "Is there a definition of the word 'gaff' that I don't know?"

G: I'm obsessed with saying it. He literally DGAF. [C laughs]

C: Yeah, Crowley DGAF about his living space. Yeah. We find out in Season 2 actually that he didn't buy this place. Like, this is provided to him by Hell. Like, this is company housing that he's just had for centuries.

G: Damn. Yeah. It's his college dorm. [laughs]

C: It's literally his college dorm. At least I put posters up in my college dorm, but I guess-

G: I mean, he put the Mona Lisa in the back.

C: - Crowley put the original Mona Lisa, yeah. [both laugh] And he has the plant room. That's something.

G: Yeah. I thought the plant room was very [laughs]- I don't know! Did you think it was in character for him to be so ferociously-

C: It was a bit much. I've read meta about it.

G: I'm sure you did. [C laughs]

C: Yeah, we'll get to it when we get to it.

G: That's not a dig. I'm just saying that I'm sure you did.

C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [both laugh] Something that is different between this and the book and the original TV script is that his apartment walls were supposed to be white. Like, it's supposed to have more of like, a model home, unlived in, like, modern-day, like, realtor vibe.

G: Oh, that- maybe that doesn't translate in the visual look they were going for here.

C: Yeah, maybe they were worried it would look too much like Heaven or something like that if they did that. So instead, they were like, "Let's go back to the old color coding." So his walls are like, dark grey marble and all that shit, and he sits on a fucking throne.

G: [laughs] I love that

C: Which I think someone pointed out is the same prop as the throne that Cr-ow-ley in Supernatural sits on, but repainted. [G laughs] And like, if you look at the carvings, it is, in fact, the same chair.

G: Well, I mean, for sure, Good Omens took that from Supernatural because Cr-ow-ley in Supernatural shows up earlier.

C: Your theory that some of the people on set design and props and stuff are Supernatural fans is looking more likely by the day. It's also possible that it was the cheapest throne on amazon.com that week, but who knows?

G: Who knows? Yeah. I find so fasc- because, like, basically, what happens in this scene, right, is he gets a call from Hell. And like, what you said last episode, that sometimes Hell can't see him, like, in the radio, but like, in the television, they can. Which really begs the question: Is there a camera in TVs? [both laugh] I don't think there is. But yeah, it is how do you do it in this scene.

C: Yeah, I think it just is more of a "We're Hell, but we're fair. If you can see us, then we will also be able to see you."

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I find it fascinating that after he hung- because the conversation is like, "Oh, yeah, everything's going great. Don't even worry about it." And the angel- no, the demon goes, like, "I don't trust you, Crowley" and basically talks about how like, "Oh, this is something we've been preparing for ever since we fell." And then Crowley says, like, "I didn't even plan to Fall. I just like, hung out with the wrong people."

C: Yeah.

G: I think there is some truth to me saying that if Crowley was an angel, he would act pretty much the exact same way.

C: Yeah. I don't disagree with that.

G: Like, he would "do good," quote-unquote, in the same way he does evil. [C laughs] It's like, funny and like, kind of like, multi-directional, and it's like, "Oh, it's kind of just- it influences the whole world." You know, like, it's a massive net that he's casting instead of one specific person kind of thing and all that crap. Like, I think he would be like, a fun- like, he would act like this even as an angel. And I think that really brings up an interesting question regarding, like, what we were also talking about last episode on like, the angels and the demons are meant to do specific things, but they are not representative of those values. He does evil, but he isn't evil fundamentally, and Aziraphale is supposed to do good, but he's not inherently good. Like, those are different things.

C: I agree. But also, I think that Crowley just could never be an angel, because, like, the restrictions of Heaven and the whole like, "Don't question things" are like, fundamentally against their nature. So like, yeah, no matter what, they were always gonna be a demon.

What you said about Crowley not being inherently evil or whatever reminds me of a passage in the book where he's thinking about Ligur and Hastur, and the narration goes, "Now, as Crowley would be the first to protest, most demons weren't deep down evil. In the great

cosmic game they felt they occupied the same position as tax inspectors--doing an unpopular job, maybe, but essential to the overall operation of the whole thing. If it came to that, some angels weren't paragons of virtue; Crowley had met one or two who, when it came to righteously smiting the ungodly, smote a good deal harder than was strictly necessary. On the whole, everyone had a job to do, and just did it." So yeah, I think that your interpretation is what they're going for. Like. they're just doing shit.

G: Yeah, it's a job. It's work. They're working.

C: They're just here to balance things out.

I guess the question is more like, does Crowley regret Falling or feel bad about Falling? Which- this is a contentious topic, I think.

G: I think what's interesting is that, no matter what, like whether he Fell or not, he is still tied to an alliance no matter what. Like, he is still tied to people, still has responsibilities, and maybe it's less about regretting the choice or regretting the Fall or whatever, and it's more of like, resentment that no matter whether he Fell or didn't, it's still pretty much the same.

C: Yeah, let's have a very similar shitty job.

G: Yeah, like, he still has to answer for something, answer for someone, all that crap.

C: Yeah, yeah. I feel like I read this as more of a direct response to like, "Because we are the Fallen, like, this is our goal and purpose." Like, I feel like she's more just like, "Well, I mean, I didn't really like-"

G: He don't GAF.

C: "- opt into-" [laughing]

G: He literally DGAF. [C laughs]

C: Yeah. "I didn't really opt into this 'ending the world' business. I was just hanging out with the wrong people."

G: Yeah. Literally, Crowley is like, you know, like, when you're in college, and you're like, "Oh, I love my fucking field so much, and like, I'm so invested in what we're learning!" And then there's people in your class who's literally just there also. [laughs] Like, he literally is also just there also.

C: Yeah, yeah. Good for her.

Also, one more thing is that for Armageddon, the demons are planning to take Warlock to the Middle East-

G: [laughs] Yeah. My god.

C: - specifically to the valley of Megiddo, which is a valley in Palestine. Which is the first time that the Middle East and North Africa features in this episode.

And it's like, okay, on one hand, like, using the words "The Valley of Megiddo" or whatever, like, maybe the idea is just like, "This is a Biblical thing. Most of the Bible happens in the Middle East. Sure, let's take him there." But, like, this is such a British Apocalypse. Like, the only angel and demon on Earth are both in London, and, like, both of the potential antichrists were born in London, and everyone is white as fuck. So it still feels weird for this son of a white American diplomat who worked under fucking Bush [both laugh] to take his white kid to Palestine to end the world by starting a war there. And it's not like, a "Oh, well, they're demons, so they're supposed to be evil" 'cause I don't think it was like a "I'm thinking about the worst possible thing, and like, thinking about all the implications." I think it's just like, a "Well, that's a place where wars happen, right?"

G: Yeah.

C: "And it won't affect my audience, who I assume, are all white Westerners. So let's just shuttle them over there."

G: It feels a little bit like a, [mocking voice] "Well, it's a scary place! [C laughs] We're bringing him to a scary place!" you know? So.

C: [laughs] Yeah. Yeah.

C: Also, we get a a lovely racism moment in the show when- or sorry, in the book, when, like, Warlock is actually in the Middle East because-

G: They bring him? They really do bring him? [both laugh]

C: Sorry, that's a spoiler! In the book, it says that, Warlock was having a strange couple of days. And he was like, "It was probably something cultural. All that had happened was a lot of funny-looking guys with towels on their heads and very bad teeth had shown them around some old ruins." [laughs] Bro, what the fuck? That's what I think. What the fuck?

G: Back in the day, do people just not know about other people?

C: No, exactly!

G: That's something I think about a lot. Because, like, when you read old books, and they talk about like, foreigners and stuff, it's like, "And ooh! They're soo different!" [C laughs] Like, have you never watch a documentary? Did those not exist in the 80s? [C laughing]

C: I feel like they did.

G: And I feel like people traveled. [laughs] Like, you know. Like, people went places and met people.

C: Paris is Burning came out in 1990, and that's the oldest documentary I've watched, so [both laugh] they had them.

G: Real.

C: But yeah, it's about not knowing that other people are people. And also, I think it's just like, not thinking that other people could be part of your audience. Like, I feel like if you're like, "Oh, like, people living in the Middle East might read this," you'd be like, "Let's take that out."

G: Yeah.

C: Another book fact is that the time in the book when Crowley thinks the like, "I didn't mean to fall" line is when she's taking the Antichrist to the convent and is considering just throwing the basket out of the car window [both laughing] and running away. Good for her.

G: Good for her.

C: Basically, we meet the summoner who's like, a mailman, and he's been tasked to deliver items to the Four Horsemen in order to bring them together for Armageddon. So we're in a place in North Africa, and there's like, three political leaders under a tent signing a peace accord. In the original scriptbook, it says like, "We're in a conference room in North Africa, and there are 3 distinct groups. One group might be Iraq, one Iran, one Saudi; or one Indian, one Burmese, and one Chinese. It doesn't matter, as long as we feel they are from different neighboring cultures, and we subtly color-code them." Which is definitely the vibe of this scene. Like, it doesn't matter. What matters is that this is "somewhere else."

G: Wait, is that a line from the book?

C: No, that's a line from the script. Like, the original show script.

G: That's crazy. [laughs] 'Cause if that was a line in the book, [C laughs] I think that would be like, a pretty good commentary of how we see like, conflict, you know? Like, okay, fine. But it was like, in a script? [laughs]

C: Yeah, it was literally in the script.

G: That's crazy.

C: They were like, "Yeah, we're definitely in North Africa. But maybe they're Chinese. [both laughing] Maybe they flew over here to sign this. Why not?"

G: I mean, China's a big country! [both laughing] They go all the way up there. That's crazy.

C: Yeah, I mean, the fucking- the Chinese government wishes. [G laughs] Anyway. God. Yeah. Oh, Chinese geopolitics. The country that you are. Also, I'm Chinese- for the audience in case you didn't know.

G: Yeah. And I'm Filipino, so.

C: Yeah, which no one could of guessed.

G: In terms of geopoliticking, yeah, me and Crystal are solving Chinese-Philippines geopolitics one podcast episode at a time, yeah.

C: [laughing] Yeah, exactly.

Right, and they're all here to sign a peace accord, but then, it's like War shows up. She's like, a white woman with red hair, and she introduces herself as a war correspondent.

G: What's interesting to me is, as you said, like, they like, blind cast this show, right?

C: But not War, because she is like, a woman with red hair in the book also.

G: Interesting. Is there like, people- what's the situation with the other characters in the book?

C: The Horsemen, they're-

G: No, not the Horsemen specifically. Everyone. Like, the show was blindcast.

C: Generally, yeah.

G: Is that true? Generally.

C: I think so, yeah.

G: But did they only blindcast the characters that were not specified a certain race in the book?

C: I feel like not many characters were specified a certain race. Like, I think it was really just War who, like, had red hair, which implies but doesn't require her to be white.

G: You can have red hair.

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, many things went through my brain upon my second watch of this scene, and one of them was like, "Well, this is certainly a moment where blindcasting could have gone so possibly wrong," [laughs] you know?

C: Yeah. Oh, you're gonna be so excited when you see the other Horsemen. [G laughs]

G: No, because I was looking out for like, what- for like, something with the Horsemen because you did mention that there was something with the Horseman in terms of racism. So like, I was like, really like, thinking about this scene when it was happening. And I was like, "Well, [laughs] I don't know if this is better or worse." I was like, "Okay."

C: Yeah. What would be the really bad alternatives? Just like, anyone who's not white? [laughs]

G: No like, they can have, like, someone who is from quote-unquote "there," you know what I mean?

C: Right, from No Man's Land, North Africa.

G: North Africa, yeah. So that may be a bad look, but also, it is a little bit odd-

C: It's also a bad look for, yeah, for this. For, like, the two people who are like, main actors in the scene, like, the mailman and Red, to be-

G: No, exactly, that's my point. [laughs] Whatever way they do it, it's like, "Well." Okay, and the reason why that is is because the setup of the scene is pretty much exactly how you described it in this script. [laughs] Like, it's like, all of these people are accessories. Like, every single person who is not War and the delivery guy is an accessory, and the only two people who happen to not be accessories are like, white and like, majorly pointed out as not belonging there, you know?

C: Yeah. Yeah. It is an odd look. And I also feel like, like if I was gonna make a scene like, parodying war and global conflict, like, I feel like the go-to joke is like, "Look at the US claiming that they're fighting for their countrymen's, like, freedom by going into other countries and invading them." Like, this is such a lazy, like, "Well. You know what's a 'war-torn region'? There. [laughs] Let's do it, folks."

G: It's not that big of a scene, but like, I mean, it is true that in Western media, it's such a prevailant concept-

C: - trope, yeah. "Well, let's shove the war-torn Middle East and North Africa in there. Whatever."

G: They sure are in there. They to are in this episode.

C: Yeah. And it's also the fact that, okay, so in the book, in the Warlock's birthday party, the deal there is actually that one of the kids gets a hold of one of the guards' guns, and then Aziraphale panics and he turns all of them into water guns, and then that's the big birthday party throwing things around moment. And I think, like, Amazon probably stepped in and changed that because they were like-

G: Oh, yeah.

C: - "Gun violence and children is like, a really sensitive topic in the US right now, and we don't want to portray that. That's too much." But like, it's fine to portray like, these people gunning each other down and dying in the background as War walks off, smirking? Like, what a writer and what a production company or whatever find acceptable to show says a lot about how much sensitivity and care they put into things. And I feel like the fact that they're like, "Well, this isn't too sensitive of a topic. 'Cause, you know, that's just how it is with those people." feels odd.

C: The idea is that, because of her influence, they start fighting about [overlapping] who's going to sign the peace accord first. They're arguing. Guns are being drawn. And then the postman shows up and he's like, "Oh, I'm just a regular British bloke, eh?" [both laugh] is his whole vibe.

G: That's not even how, like, fucking mail works. [C laughs] But okay.

C: He works for the International Express Company, so.

G: Yeah, but like, the International Express Company has subsidiaries in other countries. [C laughs]

C: You're so right.

G: You don't get to be British and be like, a British worker, and then also end up in North Africa. Like, it doesn't usually work like that, and the way it's presented here is like, it doesn't work like this.

C: Yeah, yeah, that's true.

He seems pretty unfazed by the whole situation. He's like, "Anyway, here, War, or whatever your name is, I have a package for you." And, you know, she's very excited about finally getting this item. And then she opens the box, and it's a big ol' sword, and she unsheaths it and then goes, "Alright, guys, I'm out." And, as she walks away smirking, we hear a lot of machine gunfire and like, people falling down and dying in the back. And then we get a few clips of like, people in the overall village like, loading up cannons and shooting and things. So that's that scene. And also, you know, she's introduced as War, and she's been waiting for sixty centuries to end the world, blah blah blah.

So book fact is that this scene in the book takes place on a Mediterranean tourist island instead of North Africa, and the deal is that there are four factions of people who are either pro-Turkey, Greece, Italy, or Malta being, like, the countries who like, have jurisdiction over the island. So like, I don't know why that was changed. Like, was there more geopolitical conflict happening there in 1990? I don't think so.

G: Wait, you don't think so?

C: Or maybe? Was it? I don't know. Was it? I don't know anything. [typing] "1990s Mediterranean-"

G: The only thing I know about Malta, which is one of the places you mentioned [laughs], is that Caravaggio was there towards the end of his life.

C: Real.

G: He joined a knighthood. It was a crazy story. [laughs] I just needed to throw that in there. I'm obsessed with Caravaggio, as everyone and God knows in my life.

C: I can't find anything on a brief Google search, but if anyone knows about history, hit us up. And another thing is that in the book and in the script, this is not War's first scene. War's first scene gets cut, but she is working as an arms dealer, and she shows up at this city in Africa, or it might be a town or a village. And they don't specify which African country. And then she's like, "Okay, I'm just gonna start a war here for funsies or whatever." In the script book, the scene that introduces it goes, "Exterior. African road. Day, 2007. A dusty red painted truck rumbles along a dusty road that's little more than a track. African music. African animals. [G laughs] A beautiful establishing shot." [C laughs]

G: God.

C: Just, I- yeah. And later it says, like, "Oh, an African passerby says that something's wrong with your car," like- why- okay, man. Whatever. It's just the whole like, you know, "Who is your audience? What perspective are you writing from?" thing all over again.

C: Oh, also, last book fact is that like War's the only woman of the Horsemen, and it's solely so that part of her thing is that she's like, so hot that everywhere she goes, men start fighting over her. [G groans] So like, that's like, her war thing. And it's-

G: Oh, yeah. I think it's unfortunate.

C: Unfortunate, I would say.

G: What are the Four Horsemen? It's Pestilence, War, Hunger, and-

C: It's traditionally Pestilence but it's Pollution in the Good Omens 'verse.

G: Okay. War-

C: And then Famine, War, Death.

G: Oh, yeah, Death is a- I always found that weird. Why is Death a Horseman? That's kind of just the result of the everything else. But okay.

I was gonna say, like, I think, maybe, if you have to have like, "Oh, we need to make one of these Horsemen women, for, like, a thing," which, like, the concept itself is a bit ridiculous. Well, a lot ridiculous. But I think War would be the last one you'd choose.

C: Just 'cause wars are usually by men, or-

G: Yes, because the conception of war is not a particularly female-oriented [laughs], you know, concept.

C: Yeah, yeah. I mean, in the British world that Neil Gaiman is operating in, women don't really fight in wars very often.

G: Yeah.

C: But I mean I guess they're trying to do something about like, the seductiveness of violence.

G: No, yeah, exactly. [both laugh] And it's like, the Helen of Troy nature of like, you know, like, "Oh, her face can sink-" blah blah blah.

C: Yeah, "launch a thousand ships" or some shit. Yeah.

G: Oh, it's not "sink a thousand ships"? That's so sad. [both laugh] And unfortunate for me personally.

C: Yeah. I just feel like there's not really a good way to go about the Horsemen in general, I think, just because they're like- their character is that they're representative of evil. So like, no matter what, like, gender or like, ethnicity you give the character it's still gonna-

G: There's always gonna be commentary, yeah.

C: - feel like it's saying something, and that something is mostly gonna be bad due to the nature of it. I think that if there were more characters who were well-written women or well-written whatever else other Horsemen are 'cause I'm not spoiling that for you yet, like, it wouldn't be as much of a big deal.

G: Yeah.

C: But because there are not and because we're working through a strongly white, British lens for the rest of the characters, it's a toughie.

C: We're at Lancashire, England, 1656.

G: Love that.

C: Later, it says that the book predicted the next 350-ish years. So it could be more 2016 in the show? We don't really know. But 2019 also works.

G: 46 years after Caravaggio died. RIP, king. [C laughing] [G laughs]

C: No, I am enjoying the Caravaggio facts.

G: Thank you.

C: So we are introduced to Agnes Nutter and Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery Pulsifer. [G laughs]

G: You know, I tried to look up if people were actually named this way, and I couldn't find a legitimate answer.

C: I don't know either. I didn't bother looking it up. It's funny. [laughs]

G: It's pretty funny, and I love that- No, because, like, I think Neil Gamen answered an ask on Tumblr about this-

C: Oh god, wait, are you also starting down the rabbit hole of reading Neil Gaiman's answers to Tumblr asks? G: I did not. I just read this one. And, like, I think the way- like, he has ten siblings or whatever, and all of them are named in this way. Is that mentioned in the book? 'Cause like, it feels like a quote from the book, the answer.

C: Yes, actually, let me find that line in the book. There was covet- is it kuh-vetch-is-ness?

G: Kuh-vetch-is-ness. I don't know, but I know the word you're trying to say, yeah.

C: Yeah, there's Covetousness Pulsifer, False Witness Pulsifer, but that's it.

G: Yeah. I find that so funny that that's a common- like, in their family, all of them are like, "You shall not commit this bad thing," [C laughs] and then all of them just ended up being called Bad Thing Pulsifer. I find that absolutely hilarious.

C: It is pretty funny. Yeah. Book fact is that Aziraphale collects misprinted Bibles in his bookstore, and one of them that he has-

G: Yeah, I've also read this on Reddit. [laughs]

C: Okay, yeah. Is-

G: One of them is the one that's like, "Thou shall commit [both] adultery."

C: Yeah, so real. We've got a witch hunt going on. And the other people in the village are telling Pulsifer about why Agnes Nutter is a witch, and it's all stuff that makes it clear that she's sort of living in the future, because, like, she's into jogging and acupuncture and getting more fiber in your diet. And meanwhile, Agnes is, you know, writing her goodbye notes because she's aware that this is when she dies. So they show up at the door, and she's like, "Hi, everyone. You're late. I should've been burning ten minutes ago, so let's go." And she ties herself to- or helps them tie her to the stake and tells everyone, "hey, like, everyone, come really, really close to me, please? For no reason?" and then they light her on fire. And then we get the world's worst CGI explosion. [G laughs]

G: Yeah. And everyone around her also dies.

C: And everyone around her also dies because she had hidden 50 pounds of gunpowder and 30 pounds of roofing nails in her skirt before she went up-

G: Hell yeah!

C: - which I think is pretty cool. Unfortunately, in their explanation of this, they like, show us flashbacks from literally one minute ago to like- [both laughing] of the gunpowder in her room and Pulsifer going like, "Oh, bugger." Like [laughs], we just saw that. We literally just saw that. This episode is 59 minutes long; you could trim off some of the fat, man.

And we also learned that she left behind a box and a book, and the book was the author's copy of The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, which she recently got published. So her daughter and her son-in-law are looking at this, and like, we just have the most inane exposition talk where Hope, the daughter, is like, "What does this mean, John?" Or, sorry, not Hope. Let's try that again. Where Virtue, the daughter, is like, "What does this mean, John?" And he goes, "It means that even though Agnes is dead, we must study her book, for your mother knew the future." Like, whatever. And I think really the biggest crime against like, television and editing, really, in this entire episode is that Virtue reads out loud prophecy 2214, which is, "In December 1980, an Apple will arise no man can eat. Invest thy money in Master Jobbe's machine, and good fortune will tend thy days." And it doesn't fade midway through to Anathema as a child reading it out loud from her copy of the book? Like, that's the obvious move here! But instead, we complete this entire scene, and then go to Malibu, introduce her, introduce her drawing on the book, and then, like, she like, reads it out loud after like, two more minutes even though we already heard it! And then they like, are like, "Oh, by the way, here's the joke, in case you didn't get the joke." Like, we got the fucking joke the first time!

G: Well, to be fair to them, we have already been recording for like, [both laugh] an hour and seven minutes or whatever, so I think they can do whatever they want in terms of not being efficient in their storytelling.

C: It just doesn't make sense! Like, I feel like just, like, Day 1 in like TV editing and writing class, [G laughs] they'd be like, "To show time passing, it's helpful, if you planned to have two characters read the exact same thing at different times to just fade midway through the reading"! [groans] Whatever. [laughing] This made me so irrationally mad. [G laughs]

G: Yeah, I can see that.

C: It's- I think I just have a thing where I hate when TV assumes I'm stupid, but then if I don't get it, I'm like, "They should have assumed I was stupid more." [G laughs] Like, they have to understand exactly what I get and don't get, and if they don't, then, like, they were bad writers forever and ever. Did you not have this thought at all?

G: No, absolutely not.

C: Man. You were just like, "Let's just hear this whole prophecy again. And then hear her mom explain it."

G: Well, I mean, I thought it was fucking corny. Like, "Okay, we get it." But like, I was more like, curious on who plays the mother. I was like, "Is this the woman who plays the mother of Orla from Derry Girls?"

C: Huh. I don't- does she look like that?

G: She looks like her, but it's not her.

C: Right, Aunt Sarah is Orla's mom?

G: Yeah.

C: I didn't find her to look like anyone in particular, but I guess I can see it.

C: The God narrator mentions that like, this is the only book in all of human history which was like, 100% accurate predictions about the next 350 years. And it describes all the events that are going to culminate in Armageddon.

C: So next, we cut to Malibu, California, and it's 11 years ago, the night that Adam was born. We have Anathema as a little girl. And she's being quizzed on the prophecies by her mom. And, you know, they do- she has to read out loud the fucking apple one again, and then like, to really hammer home the joke she's like, "That doesn't make any sense, Mom!" And her mom was like, "You might think that, but we bought shares of Apple computers and-"

G: I literally don't think that. I literally don't think that at all. [C laughing]

C: Yeah. "And now, we are very rich and have a very nice house. So, there! Do you get it now, audience? Do you get it?" Man. [laughs] We get the next prophecy-

G: I find this interesting. So I read some of the prophecies, like, I opened the Wiki page and I read through them. They're not in order.

C: Oh, yeah, they're not in chronological order. I think how she explains it in the book is that like, these were all sort of like- these visions weren't like, visions. They like, were like memories for Agnes.

G: Oh, yeah.

C: It's like Agnes had the brain of someone who lived way far into the future. So like, she was just like, remembering things out of order that seemed to pertain to her descendants and writing it down.

G: Mm-hm. Got it.

C: Yaur. Oh, and 2213 is relevant, I suppose. It's "Four shall ride, and three shall ride the sky as two, and one shall ride in flames, and there shall be no stopping them, not fish nor rain, neither devil or angel, and ye shall be there also, Anathema."

G: She literally to is in this episode! [both laughing]

C: Yeah. I just- I'm assuming that this book was studied by all generations. So like, at what point did Anathema's freak parents go like, "You know, I think it's time for the world to end. [both laugh] Let's hit our daughter with the name." Like, they chose this for her, 100%. She didn't have to be a part of this if they just named her like, fucking Angela. [laughs]

G: Yeah, what if she had a sister, and like, what if she was like, part of a twin set. And they were like-

C: "Okay, which one? Let's flip a coin."

G: "One of them is gonna live a completely normal life. [laughs] And the other one is gonna be there when the world fucking ends. Let's flip a coin!"

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: Also, it says that she will there be there, too. But her mother is insistent that she will save the world, which is interesting to me.

C: Yeah, I guess maybe an idea is just like, "Well, we're skilled, and we like, know all this shit. Like, why else would you be there?"

Right, so, you know, Anathema's struggling because of all the family expectations put on her. She doesn't look very happy about this situation. Does this carry over to present-day Anathema? Not that much, but, you know, this scene does happen.

Did you know Anathema was supposed to be 19?

G: Is she?

C: Yeah.

G: She was eight in the first scene?

C: She's supposed to be, yes. Which, man. She had to memorize so much shit at age eight. Sorry, man.

G: First of all, that's not an eight-year-old. [C laughs] I know eight-year-olds, and that's not one of them. Is she, like, even in the show? She's supposed to be 19?

C: I don't think they specify, but there's nothing to say that she shouldn't be.

G: Maybe, like, she's supposed to be older in the show.

C: Perhaps.

G: I don't buy it. Yeah.

C: Yeah. Yeah. And her actress is 27 in 2019, so, very difficult to buy.

C: Next, we're introduced to Newton Pulsifer, who is a descendant of Adultery.

G: First of all, I feel like if your surname is Pulsifer, I don't know, I feel like I would oscillate back and forth between "It's so joever" and "We're so back." Like, that could be the best thing that's ever happened to you, having the surname Pulsifer, or it could be the best, you know?

C: You said best twice, I think. [G laughs] But I think I know.

G: Well, apparently, I think it's a good thing. It could be the worst thing that's ever happened to you or it could be the best, yeah.

C: What are the pros and cons of this last name? Hit me with it.

G: Well, it sounds like Lucifer. It sounds like Lucifer, first of all.

C: Okay. Okay, so you actually feel that way. Because in the book and the radio show, Newt introduced himself and Shadwell's like, "Oh my god! Did you say Lucifer? Get away from me! What the fuck?" And I always thought that was so corny, 'cause I was like, "It doesn't even sound like Lucifer!" But I guess if you think that-

G: It has the L and the S sound. And the -fer.

C: Sure. But I don't know. Words have syllables in them.

G: I suppose so. But no, no, it sounds like, Lucifer. It sounds vaguely evil. Like, I love it.

C: Vaguely evil is true. That part's fairly fun.

G: Yeah.

C: His gimmick is that- he loves computers, but every time he tries to fix one [G laughing], he destroys everything. Like, all he does is change the plug on his old home computer. He plugs it in, [G laughs] and then electricity for the entire street goes out.

G: Yeah. I thought this was a pretty funny and effective gag that like, when he was a kid, he just turns off all the lights in the entire street. And this apparently has happened so many times into his adulthood that he just has accepted that this is how his life goes.

C: Yeah.

G: It's pretty funny. Is there ever, like, an explanation that they give as to why this happens?

C: No.

G: No? [laughs] It's just a fact about him, completely unrelated to all of the occult forces in the world.

C: Yeah.

G: That's funny as hell. Is it the same power, like, in the book?

C: Yeah, yeah, same thing.

G: I mean, I say power, but-

C: The same curse, yeah.

I don't know. I'm sure there's a joke in there about how like, it's just because Adultery was so opposed to like, modernity that, like, it just continued throughout the ages. But also, like, his mom seems fine. Well, I guess it would be his dad who'd be descended-

G: Maybe his dad, yeah.

C: - because he still keeps the last name. But yeah.

We now cut to adult Newton, first day of his new job as a wages clerk.

G: [laughing] And I love how his mom was like, "Well, you're probably gonna be bad at this." [both laugh] It's like, "Okay, mom." I found that so amusing! I thought that was really funny. His mom was like, "Yeah, I've accepted who you are. And who you are is a person who ruins every job opportunity [C laughs] due your inability to work a computer."

C: Yeah. Poor guy. I'm sure there are professions he could go into instead. But, I mean, his thing is that he just loves computers so much that he keeps trying.

So, I mean, this is a pretty brief moment. It's just, he goes in, he asks if he can do the job without the computer, they're like, "No." And then he tries to log into the computer and he immediately fucks everything and gets fired.

G: Yeah. And also, they're announcing, like, a team building exercise in the room while it happens, which isn't that relevant. But, you know, it comes up again. He gets fired, of course.

C: Yup, he gets super duper fired.

G: He names his car, which, like, this is completely irrelevant to anything ever. I forgot the surname of the car that he was written-

C: It's called Dick Turpin.

G: It's called Dick Turpin? [laughs] Yeah, anyway, like, somebody passes him by and goes, "Hey, Dick." And he's like, "Oh, no, no, no, that's not my name. That's the name of the car." [C laughs] And like, the lady just keeps on walking. He's like, [both] "You can ask me why?" And she DGAF, and he- like, his box breaks and everything falls to the floor, and it's just like, "Damn. This guy's fucking unlucky." But also, he is a guy who names his car Dick, and, you know, that's a lovely thing. Unless you're about to say something completely horrendous about this thing, in which case it's not a lovely thing.

C: Not the name. Not about the name. What I would like you to know is that, in the book, the model- This car is a Japanese model. It's called the Wasabi.

G: [laughs] Okay. What Japanese model? Like, does it just say Japanese model, or-

C: Oh, like, the car? Oh, no, the car model is the Wasabi. The car is still named Dick Turpin.

G: [laughs] Oh, okay. They didn't even try! They weren't like, "It's a Toyota Wasabi." It's just a fucking Wasabi.

C: No, it's just the Wasabi. So there's that. And then they basically say, like, it's the worst car ever. They say, "It would be a very accurate historian who could pinpoint the precise day when the Japanese changed from being fiendish automatons who copied everything from the West to becoming skilled and cunning engineers who would leave the West standing. But the Wasabi had been designed on that one confused day-" which, honestly so far, I think, is fine, it seems like, it's like, parodying the ways that the West view Japanese innovation and the Japanese government, like, depending on like, the economic competition of the time. But then, like, okay, so what we learn- I think, that the name of it being the Wasabi is kind of fucking weird. And then we learned that its features are a Korean radio that picks up Radio Pyongyang-

G: Nope.

C: - which is, like, a North Korean radio thing, which is confusing and feels quite, like, "All Asia is the same."

G: First of all, the mere fact that you think back in, whatever, the 80s? The 90s? That a fucking Japanese manufacturer [laughing] will get a Korean part in their car is insane. But okay, go on.

C: [laughing] Good point. Yeah. And it has "a simulated electronic voice which warned you about not wearing a seat belt even when you were. It had been programmed by someone who not only didn't understand English, but didn't understand Japanese either." And then in the radio show in 2015, like, they're like, "How do we show this through audio?", right?

G: [laughing] No.

C: They're like, "How do we show through audio that this is a car with a bad English voice?" And how they show it is that Newt says, "Oh, well, this car likes to say, 'prease put on seatbelt." but like, in an even worse racist action- sorry, accent. In an even worse racist accent. And like, I don't- I think the interesting thing about the radio show is like, this is your chance to change some things about the book you wrote.

G: Yeah.

C: It's 2015. You're a changed man, hopefully. You're like, "I need to adapt this for audio, but also for like, my new values in the world-"

G: My new audience, yeah.

C: Yeah, "- as Neil Gaiman, someone who's aware of the international audience with this book, and also someone who's probably less racist than I was 25 years ago. [G laughs] Let's do this!"

G: Crazy.

C: Crazy. Two more car facts are that the book says that the only expert on the Wasabi is someone who lives in Nigirizushi, Japan, which is just the word for hand-rolled sushi.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: So that's continuing on the Wasabi joke, or whatever, right?

G: [laughing] What is this?

C: And then the last thing is that the car fixed so that it states all of its instructions in haikus. So these are all the facts about this car. [laughs]

G: Did they do examples of the haiku?

C: Yes, let me find one, actually. "Late frost burns the bloom / Would a fool not let the belt / restrain the body?"

G: [laughing] That's actually pretty good!

C: Anyway. It would be great if Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett remembered that Japan was a real place with real people in it and weren't just like, "I think it's just funny to think about the two things that we as British people know about Japan and just put it in there." Oh, 2015 radio show. I enjoy you. But that was definitely a moment that you had.

But, you know what? Actually, one last thing is that in the prophecy- there's a prophecy that involves Newt's car, and it says like, "When Orient's chariot" blah blah blah blah blah. And Anathema's like, "Oh, that must mean it's a Japanese car."

G: Ohh! That's what- I read that. Like, I saw that in the- 'cause there's a point in this episode where they flash the stuff, right? The prophecies on the thing. And when I read that, I was like, "Huh. Okay."

C: But the thing is, in the show, first of all, his car isn't always a Wasabi anymore. It's like, some random thing. When they actually read the prophecy out loud in the show, they've changed it to "When Robin's blue chariot."

G: Oh, yeah, you mentioned this!

C: Oh, did I? Okay, I love to complain to everyone about everything, so. So I think whoever did the overlays just like, fucked up 'cause they copy-pasted [both] from the book, yeah. So, I don't know. Everyone point and laugh at the accidental revealing of the original racism. [G laughs] Okay, well, those are all my car facts.

G: Well, my car fact is I Googled what Bentley Crowley was driving, and I got spoiled [laughs] over a pretty big plot point, I think.

C: Wait, which one?

G: I mean, okay. I was gonna say this later, but I actually wrote my predictions, like, pretty much immediately after I watched this episode the first time, which is immediately after recording last week.

C: Okay, so they're all pure.

G: So all my predictions are pure, and we'll get into it later in the show, in this podcast, but I did put a prediction that kind of has this vibe. And basically, I learned that towards the end of this season, I presume, the car- something happens to the car or other, and Adam brings it back when he brings everything back to the way they were.

C: Oh, that's a lot of spoilers.

G: Yeah. I mean, I literally just Googled "what car crowley good omens." [C laughs] And it showed me all these things that I was like, "Uh-oh." [laughs]

C: Ouch, yeah. I think it's- what is it? In the book, it's a 1929 Bentley but in the show, they use a 1934 model- or-

G: I think it's a '26 year. Oh, really?

C: Yeah, because they said that- the is it a- okay, maybe it was a 1926- let me see.

G: Why don't you Google it, and I won't do it because-

C: You're right. It's a 1926 according to this PDF. I think I read an interview where someone said 1929, and I copied it down wrong there. But yeah, it's a updated model in the show because they said the 1926 one did not have a look they were going for.

C: You know, we get a brief scene of Anathema coming into the UK via an airport and stuff. It's just like, a corny thing where they ask for purpose of visit, and she like, looks really intently at the camera and is like, "Oh, blah blah blah, ancient family prophecy, hunt down the dark heart of darkness and destroy it, blah blah blah." Which, I mean, there are just certain scenes in the show that were clearly written for the trailer, and this is one of them.

G: Yeah. You always say that. You know what? I looked up a conversation we had a couple of months ago [C laughs] about a specific scene in this episode. Do you remember?

C: Which scene? Is it the get thee behind-

G: Later.

C: Oh, the fucking wall slam! Fuck off! [laughs]

G: Yes. Let's get into it when we get to that scene.

C: Is it the one where I talk about the difference between characters being in real love and when queerbaiting comes in and makes it stupid? [laughs]

G: Yes. You know what? In that conversation, what you say is, "They obviously put that in there for the trailer." Like, apparently, this is something in your heart that you have thought about and sincerely believe since forever.

C: Yeah. Some parts are put in for the trailer. Also, like, I was validated in this because there's an interview about a line in Season 2 where the actors are like, "Oh, and when I was reading this, I knew it was a trailer line, so I had to like, deliver it really good." [G laughs] So like, this is a thing. I'm right about everything always.

Newt is walking out, being super fired, lying to his mom about being super fired, and then he runs into Shadwell, who is a guy with a sign warning about witches, and like, yelling at everyone and calling them sissies, and saying that, like, the biggest threat facing the earth isn't global warming or nuclear war. It is witches. And Newt stops to talk to him. And they hang out a bit. Newt, we don't really know his motivations in like, wanting to be part of this.

G: Yeah, like, why would you do this, man?

C: Does he actually believe in witches, or is he like-

G: I don't know. And also, the guy-

C: - is a misogynist.

G: - steals from him. [C laughs]

C: Yeah, steals money from him.

G: Even if- Okay, let's say this guy is a misogynist, blah blah blah. Like. I can think of reasons why a young man would be like, "Okay." But the moment a guy steals from you, essentially, money-

C: Yeah, forces you to pay for his food and stuff.

G: - it's over. It's joever. And we are never going to be back.

C: Yeah. [laughs] Yeah. And it's just like, I don't know, if this is just like, "he's so desperate that he's looking for a new job through here," like, this is not a a profitable- You are losing money. [both laugh]

G: Yeah. I also don't know what his motivations are, and given you saying this, I assume it's not expounded on later, which makes me a bit sad.

C: Yeah. It also makes me a bit sad. Is it just like, he's a descendant-?

G: Does he become a real person? Like, Newton?

C: Eh. Meh. Meh.

G: Eh? Okay.

C: Yeah. I mean, he's just there to be a silly little guy. A lot of these characters are just here to be silly little guys.

G: But I feel like, you know, like, Adam's friends seem to be real people.

C: Yeah, Adam's friends are real-ish.

G: Yeah.

C: He passes his interview, which is just, "What's your name? Oh, I recognize that last name. How many nipples do you have? The usual two? Alright, you're hired. Come here"-- and he gives him a newspaper--"at 11 with scissors." And I feel like the thing about not knowing Newt's motivations is that like, we're generally supposed to like him. But like, this feels very incel- or like, you know, the whole young white man gets radicalized by like, some extreme right-wing group because he's unemployed or otherwise disillusioned with the world.

G: Yes.

C: 'Cause, like, I mean, the first thing we learned about Shadwell is how much he hates women so bad it's unreal. And, you know, the ad has "Be a man!" on it, and in the book, that seems to be like, what draws Newt in. He doesn't like, meet him in person. He just sees the ad, and he's like, "Well, I wanna be a man!"

G: Huh.

C: But none of that really seems to carry over to like, anything he does or says very much, either. So who knows what's up with this guy.

C: Anathema's moving in to Jasmine Cottage in Tadfield. What I don't get- [laughs] her family has known about this for 350 years, and she's like, "I'm gonna go find who the Antichrist is two days before it's time." [G laughs] "I'm flying to the UK two days before the end of the world." Like, do they not give a shit?

G: They don't GAF.

C: They don't GAF.

C: Like, in the book, she's there for a way longer time beforehand, and I get that like, it's TV, we want, like, a tight schedule, we want each episode to be sort of like, a day or whatever, we want the countdown. But like, couldn't she have just already been there still?

G: I mean, they were already doing flashbacks. You can just more flashbacks.

C: Yeah, a flashback of her moving in a while ago. ADHD queen.

So now we finally go back to Crowley and to the plants scene. They're on their throne, and they're not having fun because they're like, "Man. How the fuck did I fuck this up? This sucks soo bad." And then we meet their plants in her plant room, and they're beautiful and green. But basically, we learn that how she maintains them is that she learned about talking to plants in the 1980s as a thing but like, totally misunderstood [both laugh] the purposes of that as like, an emotional benefit thing. So instead, her thing is like, she sees a plant with a spot, and she goes like, "Is that a spot? You know how I feel about leaf spots. [G laughs] Okay, everyone, gather around! See what happens when you disobey me!"

G: And I love that the plants starts shaking.

C: [laughs] Yeah, they literally start shaking. I think that is a very fun visual.

She like, goes out and is like, "This is going to hurt you so much more than it will hurt me." And then, "You guys, fucking grow better!" And then basically, we hear the sound of a garbage disposal, and then he comes back in with an empty plant pot and like, waves it menacingly at the rest. I mean, I think it's an incredibly funny bit, regardless of how in character it is.

G: It's funny, but I do not think it's significantly in character. I do think it's funny as hell, though.

C: Okay, the meta that I've read, which I don't really know how much I subscribe to this is- Okay, so the God narrator is like, "He puts the fear of God into them. More precisely, the fear of Crowley." So that, coupled with sort of like, the shitty parent language in what he's doing here has made some people view this as sort of like, him working through like, his emotions regarding the Fall. Like, "Well, there was a shitty parent who hated that I asked questions and wasn't perfect, and then She cast me down or whatever. So maybe it'll just help me with stress relief if I do that to these plants." [G laughs]

G: Love that

C: which is, yeah, I can definitely see how that could be the case. Although I'd say book fact-wise, the only time that the plants are explicitly connected to anything in Crowley's larger life are when she's thinking about the way that Hell treats her, and it's like, "They talk to you like you're a plant that just started growing spots" or whatever. So like, it could be that also. Just, "Well, I have a really shitty boss, and this is my way of also being a really shitty boss in order to feel better," which I mean, I guess makes sense. They're plants. Like, I feel like interpretations of Crowley that, like, completely eradicate the fact that, like, they do do bad things and they do enjoy that like, sometimes when they fuck up all the phone lines, there is like, gonna be a new layer of sin on all these people's like, lives, or whatever. So like, it's not very niceys, but like, Crowley isn't very niceys either. Crowley's just medium niceys. [G laughs] And they're plans. Like, if they were like, goldfish or some shit like, this would be a lot darker. But like, they're plants. And I feel like this tracks with like, just finding something that you can hurt that won't hurt the world too much.

G: - that much. Mm-hm. Yeah, okay, I get that.

C: Yeah. Is it still out of character to you? What parts-

G: I think so.

C: What parts bother you?

G: I think the screaming. I don't know.

C: Yeah. My life has sort of been forever changed that time when Jeb was like, "I find it difficult to watch David Tennant act because I know that the whole time, he's thinking, 'How can I make it more camp?'" [G laughs] It's made watching his stuff a lot harder, and I think that that comes out in a lot of the screaming and the growling and the things. [laughs]

G: Yeah, like, I think this is solemnly the first time we see him scream in this way. Because he goes, "Shit shit shit!" or whatever.

C: And he yells "eternity" when they're drunk in the bookshop.

G: Yeah, but it's a different vibe. And like, whenever he gets moderately pissed, or whatever with Aziraphale or the Plan or whatnot, he reacts more of in a- Like, he like, raises his voice, talks faster, you know. Like, he expresses it verbally, but never to this extent. So, I mean, whether it's in character or not I guess is more of a "Well, how does this character pan out?" you know, like, maybe it's not in character to me right now because all I've seen is previous characterizations, but, like, future ones, it actually makes more sense. But right now, like, it was a surprising scene, and when I watched it, both times that I watched it, I did think, "Eh." [laughs] "Eh."

C: Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, they're doing a bit to intimidate the plants. But is odd that like, that is something that they would feel the need to do in the first place. Like, they're not actually mad.

G: Yeah. Or I think it would be more fun if they were actually mad. [C laughs] Like, I think, like, that kind of emotional investment to the plants is much, much more fascinating to me.

C: Yeah. I think also, like, a lot of people theorize that he doesn't actually-

G: - GAF?

C: - destroy the plants. [C laughs]

G: Oh, okay. [laughs] I need to stop saying "he DGAF" at every opportunity.

C: Okay, he comes out with the pot, and it is in the right pot, but it's also not wet.

G: It feels like he just threw it out, yeah.

C: It's not like- it seems like it's a completely new pot because there's no, like, bits of dirt clinging to it at all, and like, it's not wet, so it's not like he washed it out. And it was also very fast. So I think some people theorize that he just has, like, a collection of empty pots that he brings out menacingly, and then he actually-

G: [laughing] That's so fun!

C: And he actually keeps the old plants and either gives them away or like, nurses them back to health and then introduces them into there again as like, "Look at this new plant I bought to replace that loser!"

G: I love that.

C: Yeah, which is very fun. But also, I don't know. Maybe he does just shred the plants. Whatever.

G: Maybe he do GAF.

C: Maybe he do GAF.

C: Aziraphale's in his bookshop-

G: We see Aziraphale again!

C: Yeah, yeah. Your favorite little guy. I don't know. He's having- I just know Michael Sheen is having so much fun. Aziraphale is on the phone with his gay little voice and his gay little everything-

G: Yeah. [laughs] Someone is inquiring about the book, the Agnes Nutter book, and we only hear one side of the conversation. It's like, "Oh, I don't have the book," and like, "Oh, there's no price, because I really don't have it." And then, like, we are to assume that the other line curses him out, and he goes, "Well, there's no need to use that kind of language." [C laughs] And I don't know. I love it so much!

C: It's really fun. And he's like, bitchier than like, I feel like the way you put it. Like, it's very like, [gritted teeth] "I told you. I don't have it! Nobody has it!" [laughs]

G: [laughing] Yeah, he like, looks genuinely offended when he's like, "Well, there's no need to use that language." [both laugh]

C: Yeah, yeah, kissing him forever and ever.

G: I wuv it.

C: Yeah.

G: I need to stop saying that. Sounds so ridiculous.

C: You have started making me say it. Have you noticed? [both laugh]

G: Just say "I wuv" everything? Yeah.

C: Yeah, no. I feel like I've sent you the sentence "I wuv Anthony J. Crowley" multiple times already.

G: This is true.

C: So Newt goes to the address in Shadwell's advert and meets Madam Tracy, who is both a medium and a sex worker. And-

G: Is she gonna be relevant?

C: She comes back.

G: Okay.

C: Her thing is just that like, she's like, an older woman, so she like, can't do all the things she used to, but like, she's still doing her best with her job or whatever. And like, I'm fine with her until Shadwell calls her a bunch of names and she's like, [interested] "Ohh."

G: Yeah.

C: And also that she like, brings Shadwell tea all the time. Like, I don't know. It's weird. It's very like- I mean, yeah, I get that Shadwell is a kind of man who wouldn't learn how to cook, even though he doesn't have anyone who can do it for him. But I don't know. It's just. It's just annoying, the dynamic that is here.

G: Yeah.

C: And we're supposed to think that it's like, not great, but also like. Ugh. You know.

G: Yeah. Something I thought of when this scene was happening was, I think even more so than in any other place anywhere that I know of, like, that is prominent in media, the way accents play out in British media is so like, significant and so like, easy to spot and easy to kind of like, figure out. Because in the United States, people have different accents in different localities, but, I don't know. I can't think of a particular media where I am able to figure out what they're trying to do based on which accent people are speaking in. And I just like, you know, in the UK, the locality, different localities, different classes of people, blah blah blah have different accents, and like, hearing the difference between Newton and Madame Tracy's accent, I was like, "Huh! It's different. The accent is different." And like, I cannot for love of God tell you how they're different or what that means.

C: Nor I.

G: But like, the fact that they're different, like, I am able to be like, "Oh, they come from like- they're trying to like, communicate to us that these are people from different places or different backgrounds or whatever." And like, I don't know. I find that fascinating.

C: Yeah. So he meets Madam Tracy, and there's just like, a whole joke section where, like, she asks him what he's here for, for she thinks that he's here for her medium thing. And then she thinks that he's here for her sex work thing. And he's like, "Huh? Wha? Nuhh." [both laugh] Yeah. And eventually she's like, "Oh, you're here for Mr. Shadwell. Yeah, okay, go over there." And, you know, Shadwell opens the door. He calls her a harlot, a scarlet woman, and a Jezebel. And she's like, [flirtatiously] "Ohh." and then says that she's gonna bring them both tea. Book fact is that, like, I feel like I found this less irritating in the book because she- like, her specific reasoning there is like, "Oh, I mean, I think it's fun when he does that, because it's like, free advertising for my business 'cause he yells so loud." [G laughing] Which I think is funny.

G: No, I love that. I love that!

C: In this one, she's just like, "Ooh." Which, okay. I mean, that's is also fine if that turns you on, but like, it's just a little- it is excusing whorephobia by being like, "Well, she's into it." So we get introduced a bit more to the Witchfinder Army, which is what Shadwell's a sergeant of and which Newt is joining as a private. And they used to be like, very powerful, and they come from the original witchhunters, including Adultery Pulsifer.

We get a Chekhov's gun situation where there's a gun on the wall, a big ol', big ol' gun called The Thundergun of Witchfinder Colonel "Get 'Em Before They Get You" Dalrymple.

G: Huh. I didn't even think that this would be a Chekhov's gun situation.

C: Oh, whoops.

G: I suppose it is.

C: I mean, it is a gun hanging on the wall or whatever.

G: [laughs] Yeah. I- It sure is.

C: And then he says that their main thing is that they read newspapers to check for weird happenings and then they cut them out with scissors. But before he explains that, Newt just assumes that they use the scissors to stab witches to death. And he came! Like, he wanted to do that? That was a thing he desired to do? What an odd guy.

G: [laughing] When you said he came [both laughing], I was so confused.

C: He came to Shadwell's- [both laughing] Anyway.

G: [laughing] I was like, "I don't remember that from the episode!"

C: Crowley gets a call from Aziraphale, which I think is nice, because before Hell called in on her, like, she was like, considering calling Aziraphale, it seems like, 'cause, like, they were like, hovering over the phone for a bit first. Crowley's like, "No updates." And Aziraphale's idea is that maybe the baby swap went wrong and there was like, a third baby somewhere, so like, let's go check that out. And we see the Bentley driving down the road.

G: Love that. It like, the door opens in a different way. I find that so fascinating.

C: It's dodgin' traffic. It is tire-squealing. Crowley is a terrible driver.

G: Yeah. And the entire time, Aziraphale's like, "Can you not do that? I'm so scawed!" [C laughs]

C: "My tummy hurts and I'm not being brave about it!"

G: And he, like, at some point, goes, "Okay, I mean, maybe we should listen to music." And then he brings out a bunch of CDs, and one of them is The Velvet Underground. And he asks, like, "What's The Velvet Underground?" and Crowley goes, [overlapping] "I don't think you'd like them."

C: And Aziraphale goes, "Ah. Bebop."

G: Why does he not like bebop?

C: I don't know. I feel like it's like-

G: Bebop is a kind of jazz, right?

G: What Aziraphale doesn't like interests me so much.

C: Yeah, Sound of Music. Right, bebop is a jazz style.

G: Sound of Music, bebop.

C: Yeah, but he likes Sondheim, and he likes classical music.

G: Maybe we'll get more into it when we find out other things that Aziraphale doesn't like.

C: Yeah. Book fact is that Crowley has a collection of soul music that he has organized alphabetically or does organize alphabetically whenever he's stressed. And also, he calls it a collection of Real Soul Music because it doesn't include anything from- I think it was James Brown. And I still don't know what that means. Like, I asked my music major friend, and her best guess was that, like, Crowley might like older soul music because James Brown was doing funk in later decades, and Crowley might be like, "Like, I liked the old style, I liked it better like, in his earlier albums" sort of thing, so he would be more of like, an Etta James fan. But I don't know. If anyone knows things about music, please chip in, because I do feel like if he's gonna be portrayed as white, him having a Real Soul Music collection that excludes one of the founding fathers of soul who's a Black man does feel very La La Land of him. [G laughs] So, would love insights.

But they also have some really fun conversation on the car where Aziraphale's like, "You've lost the boy." And Crowley's like, "We've lost." And Aziraphale's like, "A child has been lost." [G laughs] I love him so much. Like, we talked a lot last episode about how Crowley likes to like, deflect responsibility. Aziraphale's just as bad. Like, neither of them want to be to blame for anything ever.

G: Literally, a child has been lost.

C: Yeah, yeah. God bless. And also like, Aziraphale's like, "I hope nothing's happened to him." And Crowley's like, "Well, nothing happens to him. He happens to everything else." But wouldn't we like it if something happened to him? [laughs] Wasn't that the vibe of last season? or last episode? [G laughs] Wouldn't it be very convenient if something happened to him? But alas.

C: Oh, right, and then I guess the other thing that we learn is that they don't actually die. They get "inconveniently cooperated,” meaning that they like, lose their bodies and have to like, get a new one.

G: Sad.

C: But their spirits remain.

G: And I guess in this universe, there's no way to kill angels. I love how I say "in this universe." Like, am I implying that in the real world, like, in our universe, there is a way to kill angels? Of course, in fact, I am talking about how in the Supernatural universe, [C laughing] you can kill angels. But that's by-the-buy.

C: We'll learn more later.

G: Okay.

C: Yeah, I don't know. They're just being very cute. There's not too much to point out. I just think that they're very married, and I love them very much. You know, I never actually did a check-in with you last episode on like- Like, I know it's like, a given that like, these two are in love and in a relationship, but where do you stand on how you see these two so far?

G: I don't think I can form any concrete opinions yet other than I think their dynamic is very, very fun. Like, I like that it's very like- guy who's like, very- I have no idea how to say anything. Like, very- he doesn't follow the rules, but he's like, very prim and proper, and then a guy who's like, very "Yeah, whatever. Who GAF?" [both laughing]

C: Yeah. Yeah.

G: And the dynamic is very- It's very much one of those like, you know how people on Twitter are like, "Oh my god! I love this dynamic so much," and it's like, a drawing, and it's a very generic trope. [laughs] Like, that's what they feel like. But they also feel individually like real people. And that's what brings it to life, really. In terms of like, "at what situation is their relationship in right now?" I think it's very obvious that they are each other's most trusted person, I guess because of the fact that they are both stationed on Earth pretty much like, adjacent to each other. Like, the role of the other is the role of the other but, like, in Hell and in Heaven, like, you know, like, they are equals, they have equal footing in terms of roles, and because of that, they are really the only two people who understand each other in this way. And I think that's a very interesting premise for a relationship. I find it fascinating that both of them are situated as "They're different from the other people of their community," like, Aziraphale is different from the other angels. Crowley is different from the other demons. And what they are most like is each other, even though they are quote-unquote "fundamentally different." I like that.

C: Yeah. Yeah. I also like that. Very nicely put.

G: Yeah. Am I doing a good job?

C: And also they want to suck each other sloppy so bad. [both laugh] Yeah. [laughing] Yeah, you're doing a good job.

G: [laughing] I feel like, honestly, this excursion is less about finding out what I think about Good Omens and more of finding out if I think the same way you think about Good Omens.

C: I think it's fine if you think a different way. In fact, I would appreciate if you did so that we got more diversity of viewpoints here.

G: No, but this is genuinely what I think.

C: No, no, I do know that, yeah. [laughing] Thank you for sharing your thoughts with the class. [G laughing] I don't know how to host a podcast! Everyone take me awayyy. [laughs] Anyway.

And they decide that they're gonna go to the convent where the babies were born, see if there are any hospital records so they can find the boy. And then we get introduced properly to [both] Adam's friends.

Okay, Grey, you are the only person I know who has contact with a child under the age of 16 regularly in your life.

G: Okay, yes.

C: These kids. Realistic?

G: Well, my my sister is seven turning eight, so-

C: Well, that's only off by like, three years. That's not too much, is it?

G: Those are- they're pretty big years when you're as young as that, I feel. Like, you wouldn't say a four-year-old is like a seven-year-old.

C: Okay. I guess.

G: You wouldn't say a seven-year-old is like an eleven-year-old. Yeah.

C: Okay, so no insights from kidmaster general.

G: I mean, I remember being a kid.

C: Oh, I don't.

G: I was a kid. [laughs] I mean, I think this is pretty- like, in terms of- Okay, something that I really really like about this friend group, and I don't know if I've said this specific sentiment to you, but I've definitely said it in a public platform - I think if you want to make a friend group feel as believable as possible, you have got to have one guy in there - and like, it could also be a girl, but most of the time, it really is a guy - who only goes by their surname.

C: Huh.

G: So when they go "Wensleydale is his surname, but nobody calls him that, not even his parents, who call him youngster," I think that is such an accurate portrayal of what it feels like to have friends, like, a friend group. Like, you just have a guy there who goes by their surname. [C laughs] Do you not? Do you not have this experience?

C: I do not have this experience. I don't think I know anyone who goes by their surname.

G: Every single class I've been in since fifth grade, every single friend group I've been since seventh grade-

C: Damn.

G: - we have one guy who only goes by a surname. I actually tried to do this for a while. I was like, "Maybe you guys should just call me by my surname," but my surname is quite long, so people would just call me the first syllable of my surname.

C: Yeah, it's probably a region-specific thing because the Brits have their fancy schools where everyone goes by their last name or whatever. And I guess, like, in China, there's like, not that many last names around, so it doesn't make sense.

G: In what? Oh, in China, yeah, yeah, I get what you mean.

C: Yeah, there's like, a list of a few hundred that are like, the most common, and then basically no one goes off the list. So I guess it makes less sense to do that. But that is cool.

So okay, we meet the friend group. It's Adam as the leader. And then we've got Pepper, Wensleydale, and Brian. They're all like, walking out of an ice cream shop. I think Adam has vanilla, which feels very correct, for, like, the human Antichrist who's just a regular guy most of the time. But yeah, we just get a bit about their personalities and backstories. Pepper's thing is that her mom, like, joined a hippie commune but then, like, it sucked so much that she came back home, joined a sociology: program to get like, a master's degree and shit. Wensleydale's thing is that his first name is Jeremy, but no one calls him that, and he's just sort of a bit of a know-it-all, "well actually," kind of guy.

G: Yeah. I love the last line in his thing where it's like, "The only thing separating Wensleydale from-"

C: [laughs] "- chartered accountancy is time." [G laughs] Yeah.

G: I love that.

C: Very fun. And then Brian's thing is just that he's a nice boy who's always dirty and supports Adam in everything he does.

G: Yeah. [laughs] This is a very accurate portrayal of what it's like to be an 11-year-old, I feel. There's just a guy who's just always nasty and dirty. [G laughs]

C: Yeah, yeah.

Remember in Supernatural when Dean was like, "I need to figure out if Jack is evil or not." So he offers him an angel food cake-

G: [laughing] - and then a devil's food cake? Yeah.

C: [laughing] That's what Adam getting vanilla feels like to me.

G: No, for fucking real. They were like, [dramatically] "Is he gonna choose the light or [both] the darkness?" And they made him eat vanilla ice cream. God, they should do that joke in Good Omens.

C: They really should.

G: They really fucking should. They should have Aziraphale be revealed as being such a big fan of devil's food cake, and they'll have like, a little aside about it of like, "Haha! That's so funny." He's like, "I like the denser cake more than the fluffy one." [C laughs]

C: I feel like there's like- this happens in like, multiple fics that I have read.

G: Oh, yeah, that's got to. It has got to.

C: Right. Also, Adam's dad let him keep the dog, and the dog's on a leash with him, looks very happy. The two of them are vibing real hard. Good for them.

G: Yeah. Not only it is it the dog, it is also Dog.

C: Yeah.

G: I love that.

C: So later, Anathema's trying- Oh, well, I guess Adam says something slightly ominous about how "Nobody's gonna take Dog away from me. We're together to the end." [laughs] Normal things to say. - Later, Anathema's, you know, trying out some of her witch instruments to track down the Antichrist. It's not working. And the kids are hanging out in the woods talking about how a witch recently moved in. I don't know. They're just being like, charming children saying things that are supposed to be funny because of their limited view of the world or whatever. Like, they talk about witch burnings, and Adam's like, "Well, I don't think it's allowed to set fire to people, or else like, everyone would be doing it all the time." And then, like, Brian, is like, "Okay, but like, it was for the witches' own good because it saves them from going to Hell, so they'd probably be really grateful if they knew."

G: [laughs] Yeah, he was like, "I think it's fine. They did it in Spain. The Spanish Inquisition." [laughs]

C: Yeah. So they decide that they want to play-

G: They want to become the Spanish Inquisition. [laughs] Jesus Christ. I love it!

C: I feel like this is how kids work. This is true.

G: I do love it. I genuinely think it's so funny.

C: It's a fun time. They're all very charming and British and young. [laughs] I feel like the only games I played with my friends when I was 11 were like, Pacman on the blacktop. Like, it was like, sort of like freeze tag but not. But yeah. We cut to the car again 'cause they've gotten to the Tadfield area. Crowley drops that there's an airbase near by because that was the whole plan with Harriet Dowling having to land here in an emergency and then give birth and blah blah blah. She's kind of upset that it didn't work out because it was pretty well-organized.

G: Yeah, I love that

C: [laughing] Aziraphale has a wonderful, wonderful moment where he goes, "Ah, but evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction. No matter how well-planned, how foolproof an evil plan, no matter how apparently successful it may seem upon the way, in the end, it will founder on the rocks of iniquity and vanish." [laughs] And Crowley goes, "For my money, it was just an ordinary cock-up." Tthey're just so fun to watch. Like, I don't even have anything to say. It's just like, I love reliving how they're like, silly little guys.

G: They really are.

C: They're soo cute.

G: God, you know, what I feel so strongly about right now?

C: What?

G: I hope to god they do a Season 3. [C laughs] Like, I know you think Season 2 is bad, but I need as much of this as I possibly can.

C: We'll see how you feel after we watch Season 2.

G: [laughs] Okay.

C: I mean, I obviously do- The thing is Neil Gaiman has--He says he's promised. I say he's threatened--to write a novel if Season 3 doesn't happen-

G: [laughs] Okay.

C: - and I don't wanna read that. So yeah, please renew it [G laughs] so that I can watch Michael Sheen and David Tennant do it instead of having to see Neil Gaiman try to write solo, like, without any of their silly little voices helping me. So yeah, I mean, I want Season 3 because I would like, a resolution to the Season 2 ending [G laughs], but I do feel distrustful of what the quality of that Season 3 is going to be.

G: Remember when, I think, a couple of weeks ago you were like, "Grey, can you please just watch Good Omens?" [C laughs] Like, "I just need someone to talk to about it." And I said yes, and then a couple of hours later, I was like, "Hey, so my vacation ended, and I thought about this a little bit more [C laughing], and I think I don't wanna be a person who has watched Good Omens." [laughing]

C: Yeah. Well, what do you say to that past Grey now? Huh, Grey?

G: It's not an information that I would volunteer to other people. I would say that.

C: Still?

G: Yeah! I feel like there's a certain connotation to a Good Omens watcher, you know?

C: Wait, wait, tell me more about this.

G: It has the same vibe as a Supernatural watcher.

C: I would mostly compare it to being a Supernatural watcher. I'd say-

G: A Sherlock watcher?

C: What? No, god, no no no. [G laughs] In some crowds, it's considered worse than being a Supernatural watcher because I feel like with Supernatural, it's like, "Oh, I just got caught up in like, the moment of the times, but I don't anymore!"

G: It's just something that happened, yeah.

C: Whereas Good Omens feels like more of a deliberate choice. But I would say that quality-wise, like, clearly one of them is better.

G: Oh, clearly. It's very clear, yeah.

C: So I feel like if you're talking to someone who's seen a bit of both, it's better to be a Good Omens watcher than a Supernatural watcher. But yeah, okay, so you don't volunteer that you've seen Supernatural to people either

G: If you've been around me long enough, you'll just know. [both laugh]

C: Yeah, that's fair.

G: I mean, every week I have to go, "I can't go to that thing-"

C: "- because I have to podcast about Supernatural." [both laughing] Yeah. This is true.

So Anathema runs into the kids playing the British Inquisition. Adam's the leader, Wensleydale's the witch, Pepper is Chief Inquisitor, and Brian is head torturer. Anathema's a little alarmed by this whole game and is just trying to figure out if there are any great beasts about that could signify that the Antichrist is near. The game itself is just like, you know, "Are you a witch? No, you have to say no so we can torture you." And then the torture is just pushing him around on a tire swing. Fun times. I think an interesting Adam moment is when, like, he's talking to Anathema about the great beasts, and then he pauses her halfway through and goes, "Wait, I have to tell them what to do" and then directs the next part of the game. So yeah, I mean, I think they're doing a decent job at establishing Adam's, like, leadership and things, and like, how he has qualities that could definitely be turned to evil if he chooses to eat the devil's food cake.

C: Back to the convent. God, they have- they must have the craziest, craziest sex.

Aziraphale and Crowley get out to the convent, which has changed a lot. Aziraphale talks about how this place feels loved, which is the opposite of when you say, "I don't likethis place. it feels spooky" Crowley says, "I don't ever say that. I like spooky. Big spooky fan, me," which is a favorite Crowley sentence to me just because I feel like it really highlights his sentence construction and the way it differs from my own.

G: Yeah.

C: So they both get shot with paintballs.

G: Oh, I want to say that I find the whole like, "Oh, it feels love." And like, later on, while they're in the car driving through Tadsfield or Tadfield, he also goes like, "There's like, flashes of love in here." And I put this in my predictions, but all I said was like, "I'm curious about this." [laughs] I didn't predict anything. I was like, "Huh! This is interesting." So I- Okay, yes or no question: Is that gonna be relevant? Is that gonna play out in any way major?

C: It's- I'd say that the show doesn't just doesn't do a great job of explaining what it is, but it is somewhat plot-relevant.

G: Something. Okay. Well, I find it interesting. And like, I assume it's the- well, actually, I don't know what to assume. But, interesting thing.

C: Aziraphale stops him before they get in, and he puts his arm out to stop him before he talks about how he feels, like, "There is love here," and anyway, they make me crazy. So they get paintball shot by some guy, and Crowley turns their face into like, a big old snake monster with tusks to make the guy pass out.

G: Ah! That's so funny. Like, when it happened, I was also so shocked [C laughs] because I did not expect it at all, and I just burst out laughing immediately after as the guy collapsed to the ground. I was like, "Hell yeah." This is such funny "he's a demon" antics.

C: Yeah, yeah. I think it's it's a good moment of like, "Oh, yeah, they can really look however, they want whenever." Like, everything about their form is sort of a choice. And book fact is that the way that this is written out is: “Where one of the figures had been, there was something dreadful. He blacked out. Crowley restored himself to his favorite shape. ‘I hate having to do that,’ he murmured. ‘I'm always afraid I'll forget how to change back, and it can ruin a good suit.’”

G: Aww.

C: “’I think the maggots were a bit over the top myself,’ said Aziraphale.” [laughs] Okay, but I just love that-

G: That's so lovely!

C: - Crowley has a favorite shape and that he's worried that can't change back.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, it's so fucking transgender to me.

G: It literally is. I love that.

C: Like, yeah, he chooses to look like this. Also, because, like, that is- yeah, that's his favorite shape. Like, he thinks that he should look like a human who's like, skinny and tall and just tries to be cool. Like, that's him! Agh. I love him. I love him a lot.

G: I mean, if you can choose your form, [laughs] would you not choose to look like David Tennant? [both laugh] It's an appealing form.

C: Yeah. I mean, I do want his gender really really bad. I spent a lot of 2019 elaborating in multiple group chats how I want to put him in a blender and then drink him like a smoothie so that I can get his gender. So yeah, I mean, I get it. But I don't want to be white. That's the difficult part. Gotta figure it out. Also, I feel like in this scene, it's very clear how you can see Crowley's chest hair through his V-neck, so that's just like, [laughs] a fact for the people out there who may care about such things.

So then, Crowley and Aziraphale go through a little dance here which I think really signifies how they're going to have the craziest sex in a few years, where, you know, Aziraphale’s like, "Oh, look at this coat. Like, I've kept it so nice for 180 years, and now I'll never get the stain out." And Crowley's like, "Okay, well, you can miracle it away," and Aziraphale starts like, literally like, turning his body to like, sort of like, force the stain in Crowley's face. And Crowley, like, follows him in doing it like. They're both like, doing whatever this is. And he's like, "Oh, but, you know, I would always know it was there... underneath." And then Crowley's like, "Okay, fine." And then he miracles it away by like, blowing gently at Aziraphale’s back, and, like, the paint sort of like, goes off. And it's like, first off, [laughing] that is not different from what Aziraphale could have done. [G laughing] This is not- The only thing you gained here was like, getting like, your acts of service not-boyfriend to like, acts of service you. [G laughs] Like, there's no point to this besides just like, "Oh, well, I mean, I just sort of making you do nice things for me, 'cause like, it makes me feel tingly inside." Like, what are they doing? What's happening? They are- They're fucking so hard. [laughs] Anyway.

G: I was here gonna bring up the whole how they do miracles in Good Omens so far. So like, for this scene, and for something that was brought up last episode, which is that Aziraphale likes doing physical, human magic, like, illusions and stuff because that's like, more fun than doing the magic that he actually can do. And then, later in that episode, he revives a dove who, like, gets crushed in his jacket.

C: Even though in the book, Crowley was the one who did it. Yes, continue.

G: Oh, really? Aww. Well, anyway, I wanted to say last episode but I didn't get to that I really like the way he revives the bird, which is that he taps on its chest the way Catholics do when we pray the mea culpa.

C: Aww.

G: Like, the "through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault" prayer. He does it to the bird, and then the bird comes to life. I don't know. I thought that was very interesting. And so here, we kind of get a resurgence of that where, like, he doesn't want to do his own magic because he knows how it works, but like, he's not opposed to Crowley doing it for him because maybe, like, Crowley's magic works a different way -

C: Maybe.

G: - and it's more like, it's like, unfathomable to him, so it's not as clear-cut in his mind how it actually works.

C: Yeah. That's interesting.

G: That is so fascinating.

C: They do have a different source. I think there are scenes where they're miracling and like, Aziraphale makes a gesture that makes it seem like he's drawing the power down from Heaven and Crowley, like, draws the power up from the ground from Hell.

G: That's fun. Yeah, I find that interesting where it's like, he likes it more when the thing feels- when he doesn't know how it works. I don't know. I also just find- like, later on, we get more miracles where he commands light to appear, and he builds a bicycle rack, he fixes up bones and stuff. I think that is interesting in the- he does do it. Like, he did it with the bird, he did it with the hit-and-run - not -run situation. So like, he can do it. He just doesn't want to if it's not completely necessary and the only choice.

C: Yeah. That makes sense.

G: I do sincerely wonder if that comes up later on or like, is it as recurring as it has been this past two episodes? Yeah. The way his relationship with magic, as we say, or you know, his powers are so interesting.

C: Right. G: I guess it's less miraculous when you know how it works, yeah.

C: Right, and that does sort of contrast with, at least Book!Crowley, like, it, talks about how he has like, a computer and a TV and all those things, and none of them are ever plugged in because he just assumes that they would work [G laughs] 'cause he's like, seen TVs around and they work, so like, he doesn't even bother thinking about how they work. So yeah, I feel like Crowley does like, a lot of unconscious magic 'cause he's just like, "Well, this is how the world is, right?" And then it just happens like that. Whereas Aziraphale owns a computer and uses it like, perfectly normally. Like, he was one of the first people to buy computers when they got invented, and he does his taxes on them like, with it, like, plugged in and all set up, I would assume. So yeah. Aziraphale does have more of a penchant for doing things the human way, and only, like, miracling in specific circumstances, and the magic's not really there. Yeah, I agree. Nice.

They have a bit of a talk about guns 'cause of the paintball gun. And Crowley thinks Heaven's, like, generally anti-gun, but Aziraphale's like, "Well, unless they're in the right hands. Then, they give way to a moral argument. I think."

G: [laughs] He's not sure?

C: And Crowley's so amused at this. Like, you know, they're laughing it up, going, "A moral argument? Really?" And then-

G: I mean, if somebody says this to me, literally anyone says this to me, I would have the exact same reaction as Crowley did.

C: Yeah. And if I had the power to win an argument by turning all the guns real-

G: I would do exactly what Crowley does as well.

C: Yeah. God.

So basically, the previous- the convent has now been transformed into a jobs training place where companies take people and they like, team-build by doing paintball and all that shit, but it's owned by Sister Mary Loquacious, who was a former nun here. I don't know, we get scenes of like, all the people out there, like, shooting at each other. And Crowley just like, tells one of them, "Hey. You're all gonna lose." and then snaps his fingers, and all the guns turn into real machine guns. And, you know, Aziraphale’s like, "What the fuck?" and Crowley's just like, "Hey, well, that's what they wanted, 'cause they hate each other so much. So I just gave them what they wanted. And also, it lends weight to their moral argument. [G laughs] Everyone has free will, including the right to murder." [laughing] So real. So we get like, suspense building up, like, "Oh my god, are people actually gonna die?" And Aziraphale’s like, "Oh my god, they're all murdering each other?" And Crowley is like, "No, they aren't. No one's killing anyone. They're all just like, miraculously escaping." And then [sighs] we get fucking wall slam scene.

G: Yeah.

C: It's soo annoying. Did you- okay, I know I already complained to you about it, so did you find it jarring at all, or like, do you think my my perspective colored your ability to view it as a first viewer?

G: Well, I mean, I didn't expect it to be here, first and foremost, so when it first happened, I was like, "Oh, this is happening!" And then, "Oh, this is the scene that Crystal's like, 'Ugh, this is queerbait,'" whatever. [C laughs] And I think I do agree in a way that like, he don't- he don't need to do that. [both laugh]

C: Yeah. I agree. They don't need to do that.

G: Okay, for context, one day I was on Twitter-

C: Oh, this was way before Season 2 before people are like, "How is it queerbait if they actually kiss?" Continue.

G: It's like, in June, I think. Like, it's way back. And somebody tweeted that like, "Oh my god! You can see that like, when Crowley slams Aziraphale against the wall, like, it's so gentle! [C laughs] Like, Aziraphale's head [laughing] doesn't even hit the wall. And it's like, he's not even trying to hurt him at all, he's just there just playfighting, and it's so cute." And I tell Crystal, "They're posting Good Omens gifs on my Twitter feed." I don't follow any of these people, by the way. This is the "For you" page of Twitter. And Crystal is like, "Okay, let me see." And then I send the Tweet, and they go, "Ugh! This like- that's not even like, 'Oh, they love each other so much and that's why this scene is played out this way.' It, like, he literally just was fucking slams in the wall like that because they're actors and David Tennant is trying to not hurt Michael Sheen." [C laughing] And I was like, "Okay." And then they proceeded to [C laughing] send like, messages about how, like, "You know, there's a difference between scenes that are actually gay and like, only gay for the trailer, and like, be queerbait," and like, [C still laughing] they like, gave me examples of how this is present in other media.

C: Oh my god, what were my fucking examples?

G: Very fascinating day.

C: [laughing] What were my examples?

G: I mean, the examples you give were like, in House M.D., like, the proposal thing was like, "Oh, that's queerbait, whatever." But, like, the actual relationship isn't. Or like, in Supernatural, the "Oh, the angel in the trenchcoat who's in love with you" is queerbait [C laughs], but, like, them, staring into each other's eyes while Cas confesses that he doesn't know what's right and wrong is actually gay, you know?

C: Yeah.

G: And here, like, slamming against the wall is like, gay for the trailer-

C: [laughs] Yeah. Gay for pay.

G: But like, there are other scenes that are actually gay.

C: You know what? I stand by that, mostly.

G: No, I do. I do completely get what you mean, yeah.

C: It's like, "Oh, we're aware of what the fans are thinking. So let's play into that a bit to like, be funny and to make them think that maybe we're gonna do it." But I mean, I guess they do kiss in Season 2- I just- every time you watch Season 1, I just need you to remember that I thought that this was- that they weren't ever gonna do a sequel, and this was all that I was gonna get, and that they were never, ever, ever going to admit that they were romantically interested in each other. [G laughs] It really is a different experience in this new world.

But yeah. So basically, like, Aziraphale’s like, "Oh, you know, Crowley, I've always said that, deep down, you're really quite a nice-" and then Crowley grabs him by the lapel, slams him into the wall and goes like, "Shut it. I'm a demon. I'm not nice. I'm never nice. Nice is a four-letter word," but like, genuinely angy. And it's like, no, he's not. I just don't know what the motivation here is. I don't get it. I just feel like this is not something he would have like, genuine insecurities about. Maybe it's like a "it would be dangerous to say something like that out loud if Hell's watching," but like, it doesn't feel like that either. It just feels like an excuse for the wall slam. [G laughs] And, you know, book fact: when Aziraphale tells Crowley-

G: You also said this to me.

C: Yes, I know I did. [G laughs] The only response is, it goes,

"Alright, alright." Crowley snapped. "Tell the whole blessed world, why don't you?" Like, you know, that's like, a normal response. Like, "Okay, haha, laugh it up. Yeah, sure, I'm being nice, whatever. Let's not think about it too hard." Like, that makes sense. Cool. You guys are cute. Keep going.

G: I mean, that is significantly more like, "Ha! Look at our antics. We're just- look at us, you know, we're just trying to play a role. Haha." like, instead of the whole "I'm actually not nice-"

C: "I'm a demon! I'll never be nice!" [both laugh] It's so- But yeah, anyway, the point of this wall slam is that-

G: It's so funny to me that the person who watched this, the thing that they focused on was [C laughs] "Oh, but the slam was so gentle!" [C laughing] It really goes to show that different people watch things differently.

C: That's true. Different strokes for different folks.

So yeah. The point of this is for Mary Hodges to show up and be like, "Hi, gentlemen, sorry to break up an intimate moment. But can I help you?" Like, ugh. I'm bored. I'm bored.

G: You're right. This is for the queerbait.

C: Just stop trying to get the gay dollar, Neil Gaiman. Like, you've already clearly got the gay dollar. [G laughs] You're taking away the gay dollar right now. Ugh. The only fun part about this part is when, like, both of them, are like, still up against the wall, and they turn to look at her, and Aziraphale just looks like, bored. So like, yeah.

G: He's like, "This is a common occurrence in this household."

C: Yeah, "This is just how it is." Like, I mean, does he just like saying this to like, get Crowley riled up so that he can get wall-slammed occasionally when his spank bank is running low? What's the deal here?

Basically, Crowley immediately hypnotizes her to ask her questions about the Antichrist. He does a silly voice at some point. I like it when he does a silly voice. But yeah, they just learn there's no information left, all the records were destroyed on the fire, we're fucked, goodbye.

G: What's funny is like, I find it so funny that, you know, Aziraphale was like, "You shouldn't have done that. You could have just asked her." And like, whatever whatever And in full awareness that this lady is hypnotized and wouldn't remember any of this at all, he still like, does the whole like, "Okay, I'm gonna collect myself [C laughs] so I can put on a pleasant facade." And then he goes, "Ahem." And then he smiles and he goes, "Hello." [C laughs] And it's soo cute! It's so-! Yeah!

C: Yeah. I guess the other fun moments are when Aziraphale says, "Luck of the devil," and Crowley like, double takes and looks at him twice like, "What a tasteless joke you've just made here." Also, when the nun says that the baby had lovely little toesie-woesies, Aziraphale gives such like, a benevolent, indulgent-

G: - genuine smile. Yeah!

C: It's very cute. And then, when he unhypnotizes her, he says, "You will wake, having had a lovely dream about whatever you like best," which, obviously, fanfiction writers have really literally taken and run with.

G: What do you mean?

C: Oh, just like, Aziraphale does the "you'll have a nice dream about whatever you like best" thing to Crowley and then Crowley is like, fucking him in the dreams. [laughs] Obviously. [G laughing]

G: Okay, great. That's wonderful.

C: So yeah, the police show up. They head out past all the cops and people shooting at each other. It's just they won't be able to find the Antichrist because he would have a natural camouflage. We have a thing where Crowley calls them both occult forces and Aziraphale's like, "I'm not occult! Angels aren't occult! [both] We're ethereal!" Yeah you are, babygirl.

G: Love that for him.

Do you think Aziraphale- do you think the coquette girlies would love Aziraphale?

C: I did describe him as coquettish during the paint scene, which I think it's a new addition for the show. In the book, he just says, "Oh, but I'd always know the stain was there underneath," and Crowley is like, "I don't GAF. Did I say that right?"

G: [laughs] I think it will be funny if you said "I DGAF."

C: Okay. Crowley goes, "I DGAF" and then they just move. But yeah, I mean there are definitely ways in which I would use coquettish to describe Aziraphale at points in this episode.

C: They're panicking. It'll be the war to end everything, etc. We have a brief scene of Anathema working, and we just have to have the narration line being, "Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men." Neil Gaimen, you are also a men. [laughs] Also, you wrote a short story that was adapted into a comic called "The Problem of Susan" where Aslan the Lion and the White Witch, like, have sex on screen, so like, I mean, that's like, not really anything, but like, it just feels relevant to him writing this line. Once more, Aziraphale's talking about how there's a feeling of love to the whole area. It's- because book fact, what happens is that he explains this to Crowley, and Crowley's like, "I- what? I don't feel anything."

G: "I DGAF." [both laugh]

C: And there's a part where Aziraphale's like, "I can't explain it any better, especially not to you." And then Crowley goes, "Do you mean like-" And then they hit Anathema. But in the show, Aziraphale goes like, "Oh, I'm surprised that you can't feel it also," which is different from the like, "Oh, well, I don't think you're capable of sensing love" in the book. And also, Crowley saying, like, "Do you mean like-" in the book does haunt me forever. What was the end of that sentence, Crowley? But in in the show, it's just like, "Last thing we need right now is," and then they hit it. So it is less- it has less space for interpretation there.

They hit Anathema on her bike, poor girl.

G: She like, breaks her arm, but like, Aziraphale basically like, commands there to be light and then fixes her up and like, fixes her bike. And like, it's a whole thing where at every single turn, Crowley's like, "No." And then, like, Aziraphale is just like, like, basically it's like, he fixes her up, and then he goes like, "Oh, so where are you going, young lady?" And Crowley's like, "We're not going to give her a lift." And [laughs] Aziraphale's like, "You did hit her. You did hit her with your car." And Crowley's like, "Yeah, but we don't have a bike rack." And then Aziraphale manifests a bike rack.

C: With tartan straps.

G: Yeah. And like, what's so funny- Did you find this also absolutely hilarious?

C: The soundtrack?

G: Yeah.

C: The bicycle- "Bicycle" by Queen starts playing really loudly as Anathema's in the car, staring at the bike, [G laughs] going like, "Hey, my bike didn't have gears before this." because Aziraphale did a too good job fixing it up. And, you know, Crowley says mockingly, "Oh, Lord, heal this bike." Which is fun. They're so fun.

G: Yeah. The music cue really was so fascinating.

C: Yes. The use of Queen in the show is excellent.

C: Yeah, I like that- the music choices that they make in this show. Like, are you doing this because they're British? [laughs] I mean, they're just a popular band, for sure. They are also British.

C: Yeah. Book fact, the thing is that, okay, basically, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett had, like, a joke going on where they were like, "Any CDs left in a car for more than two weeks will just turn into The Best of Queen" 'cause they found that, like, they both had a copy of that in their car, even though they don't remember buying it. So all of Crowley's CDs are also are just Queen even if they they say something else when he puts them in, they're still Queen, so that's just- Queen was a big part of the book 'cause- I don't know. I guess because, you're right, because they're British and because they're a famous band. So yeah. They are in the soundtrack a lot. I wonder how much money they blew on this.

C: So they take Anathema to her cottage, and when she leaves, she drops the book in the car-

G: Ooh.

C: - next to a tartan tin, which [sighs] Neil Gaiman has said on Tumblr-

G: What's a tartan tin?

C: Oh, like, sorry, it's like a tin of food, but like, the pattern on it is tartan, which is a Aziraphale's thing.

G: Am I- What is that supposed to mean?

C: Just that, like, it's not Crowley's thing. It's like, Aziraphale’s thing.

G: Ohh, 'cause it's Crowley's car. Okay.

C: Neil said on Tumblr that it is like, a box of shortbreads that Aziraphale has put in the car for them to snack on if they get peckish. Which I think is very cute.

G: Aww! That's so sweet!

C: 'Cause it's like, their car!

G: Yeah. I love the term peckish. It sounds so British.

C: I also love the term peckish.

You know, Aziraphale’s changed the bike back and they head off. Crowley goes, "Can we get on? Get in, angel." And, as you already know-

G: Yeah, I think that was nice! [laughing] I think it was nice! I like it.

C: Yeah, yeah. I hope we all die forever and also live forever.

What happens in the book is that when Anathema first gets into the car, she's like, afraid about getting in a car with two men at night, so she warns them that she has like, a bread knife that she is willing to use if necessary. And then, when she heads off and she hears Crowley say, "Get in, angel," she thinks, "Oh, I was perfectly safe the whole time." 'Cause she thinks that they're in gay love with each other.

G: That's pretty sweet, I think.

C: Like, I feel like it is just like, another component of the like "Isn't it so funny that people think they're gay" thing, but like, it is nice! It's niceys!

G: It is nice, yeah.

C: 'Cause I'm- yeah, 'cause I care about things that I wish I didn't care about.

G: You GAF, yeah. [laughs] I need to stop this bit. But, you know, I'll continue for the rest of this episode, and then you'll never hear me say DGAF ever again, yeah.

C: And then you'll find a new thing next week. [laughs]

She calls her mom, and it's just like, "I can't find him, blah blah blah. Holy shit! I lost the book! Oh, no!"

C: Aziraphale and Crowley are now at a cafe. Once more, Crowley has like, a coffee but no food, and Aziraphale-

G: - is having a full meal, yeah.

C: - is delicately eating a cake, which yeah, I mean, you know how I feel about that.

G: I take back the "full meal."

C: It's a cake, yeah.

Aziraphale's idea is that they should get another human to find him 'cause humans are good at finding other humans. [G laughs]

G: And Crowley just goes, "He's not human! He's the Antichrist!" I think there is some truth to the whole like, they'll probably find him better. Are we supposed to assume that the kid is shielded from everyone or just the occults, as Crowley puts it?

C: Sort of just everyone, I think.

G: Everyone. Okay. 'Cause like, I suppose maybe Anathema would find him easier if he wasn't cloaked from everyone.

C: Right, like her instruments aren't working.

Crowley says that he has an automatic defense thingy and that suspicion slides off him like whatever it is water slides off. [G laughs]

G: I love this too as well.

C: And Aziraphale gets his bitchiest moment where he goes, "Got any better ideas? Or one, single better idea?"

G: So cunty.

C: And at the end of that, he sort of like, dabs his mouth delicately with his napkin as like a "We're done here." gesture, which definitely served cunt.

G: And he will never die.

C: And he will never die. And he will burn in this movie theater.

G: So the next scene is basically like, Adam's parents are talking, and they're like, "Oh, why did we let him keep the dog?" And it's like, "Oh, it's because, you know, it's like, they're made for each other." And his mom checks up on him. It's like, just a normal scene. I don't actually know what they're trying to do here. What is it trying to convey here?

C: I think it's 'cause after Adam falls asleep, there's like, voices whispering to him.

G: Are there?

C: Yeah.

G: All I knew was like, there was a dog, and like, he actually kept the dog inside.

C: Yeah, so it's like, yeah, blah blah blah, he's a naughty kid or whatever the fuck-

G: He's 11.

C: - and then there are voices whispering to him. Yeah, I think he's fine, but I don't know, his parents are being normal parents, which means that they're being more strict than I think parents should be.

G: Well, first of all, he has a "Keep Out" sign on his door and his mom doesn't even knock.

C: Yeah, just walks in. Yeah.

G: I thought that was very mean. Don't do that.

C: Agreed.

G: But other than that, they're normal parents. He's a normal 11-year-old, you know, having a normal time.

C: Yep. Sure are.

C: Aziraphale and Crowley are talking again in the Bentley, and both of them shiftily are like, "You know, I have a network of highly trained human agents that I could send searching for the boy." And they both have one, but they don't think that they should work together because they're not very sophisticated.

G: This comes up for sure, right?

C: Yes.

G: I do wonder what the hell Crowley means by like-

C: "They're not very sophisticated, politically-speaking." [G laughs]

G: What does that mean, Crowley? I'm so curious about what the fuck that means. I'm looking forward through it.

C: Yeah. And Aziraphale's like, "Okay, let's do that. Unless you have a better idea?" And Crowley goes, "Ducks." "What about ducks?" "They're what water slides off." I love it when characters have ADHD.

G: Do we think that- they for sure, like, speak other languages, right?

C: Yes.

G: Doesn't Aziraphale speak Japanese last episode?

C: Yeah, to the sushi chef. Why did they pick English?

G: I find it like- I mean, first of all, yes. But also, the whole, like, you know, multilingual blah blah blah is very fascinating to me, and it's something that, you know, I wish like, in media where they have like, an ethereal being, as Aziraphale puts it, who knows many languages, I wish they did more bits about like, what it's like to be multilingual. 'Cause that's something I feel a lot about like, I mean, frequently, I would say a phrase that actually only works in Tagalog, and it's like, "Oh, okay, well, whatever." And sometimes, I would think of a word that it's like, "Well, I cannot remember it in English at fucking all," so, you know, it's stuff like that. And like, this scene, I was like, "Aww. [laughs] He's just like me for real!: He forgot the English word for duck. He's so real for that he is.

C: Yeah. He is. And then when he drops Aziraphale off, he goes, "You know, if you lined up everyone in the whole world and asked them to describe The Velvet Underground, nobody, at all, would say bebop." I think this is just so fun. He's like, "It's the end of our day together. Let me look back through the transcripts, [G laughs] and like, tie up any loose ends."

G: [laughing] He was choosing his Best Line/Worst Line [C laughing], and this was his worst line!

C: For fucking real. But yeah, I don't know. I like that he's sort of distractable or is like, chewing on earlier things for hours. Like, it's a fun time. His brain is just like mine for real.

G: The world is going to end in two days.

C: I guess. And then he notices the book of prophecies in the back. He's like, "Okay, what do we do with it?" Blah blah blah. Aziraphale, he notices what it is, and he goes, "Oh, holy shit!" And he just grabs it. And he's like, "Oh, I have to run super fast. Uh-huh. Uh-huh." And Crowley is like, "Are you okay?" and Aziraphale goes, "Perfectly. Yes. Tip-top. Absolutely tickety-boo. Mind how you go." [G laughs] And then he's just off. I love that he's a terrible liar, and yet he's managed to fool Heaven for 6000 years. Also, Crowley says he doesn't read books. I think Crowley is probably like, an audiobooks girly or something.

So we learn that Aziraphale has a copy, or has a collection of books of prophecy and this is like, the prized thing he's always been after. He opens the book, and there is a prophecy that's like, "When the angel reads this, first, the world's super gonna end," and also, "Open thine eyes and read, I do say, foolish principality, for thy cocoa doth grow cold." And Aziraphale's--I just don't know what it is about this these prophecy books that makes, like, everyone around them stupid, but Aziraphale's like, "Thy cocoa doth grow cold? Huh??" [G laughs] And then he turns and sees his cup, which has a little angel wing handle, by the way-

G: That's cute.

C: - and he goes, "[exaggerated gasp]!"

G: "[exaggerated gasp]!" [laughs]

G: It is so stupid.

C: Yeah, I mean, I'm glad Michael Sheen's going full-in on playing gay with that gasp, but like, why? Why? And okay, this feels especially odd, because, like, this is the scene in the book where the narrator has the introduction of Aziraphale where they explicitly call him like, intelligent, and then talk about how he's like, been able to work through the prophecies really, really well. This is also the scene in the book where- should I just read the whole thing? Everyone's heard this one already, but, you know, the one that goes, "Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. Two of these were wrong; Heaven is not in England, whatever certain poets may have thought, and angels are sexless unless they really want to make an effort. But he was intelligent. And it was an angelic intelligence which, while not being particularly higher than human intelligence, is much broader and has the advantage of having thousands of years of practice."

Many people have made the joke that this show has decided that the ones that were wrong were the [both laughing]-

G: Intelligence?

C: - intelligence and the English, yeah, 'cause the thing is, he is, in fact, gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide. But wow! The book really said things.

G: [laughs] Yeah.

C: I mean, this episode is so long I don't wanna get into why I hate the "they were sexless" thing so much. But I mean, I don't know. You guys get it. Like, genitalia, you don't need genitalia to be gay, and the fact that it's like, "He can't be gay 'cause he doesn't have a dick" is like, the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

So yeah. He's reading the prophecies. We see some of them, etc., etc. And then we have, like, passage of time where he's just poring over the book, and then Crowley calls, asking about updates. Aziraphale's like, "What? No! No, there's nothing. There's no news. If I had anything I would tell you! Obviously! Immediately! We're friends! Why would you even ask?" And Crowley just takes this fully in stride? She's just like, "Oh, yeah, I mean, I don't have anything either." Which, I think it's nice that Crowley has never developed a sense of like, distrusting Aziraphale, you know what I mean?

G: Yeah.

C: This is obviously suspicious. But Crowley is just like, "I mean, why would Aziraphale lie to me? It's not like, he's like, done it much before. Like, we're fine. Like, we have a healthy relationship. He's probably just anxious about the world ending."

And, you know, when Crowley is like, "Call me if you find anything," Aziraphale’s like, "Absolutely! Why do you think I wouldn't?"

G: What a dork.

C: Yeah. So he reads a new prophecy that sort of like, points him towards a potential phone number for Adam's house because it's like, "blah blah blah, number of the man, 666, Tadsfield area code, whatever whatever." Or Tadfield, sorry. I don't know why I keep saying Tadsfield. He has a rotary phone. It's so cute. So he calls, Mr. Young picks up, and then he hears Adam through the phone going, "Hey, look! I taught Dog how to walk on his hind legs." And that's another line in the prophecy, and like, he goes, "Sorry! Right number." and he hangs up. And that's episode.

G: Okay. We need to do predictions.

C: Okay, we've decided to structure our ending a little better, and Part 1 is Grey's predictions for future episodes.

G: So I've already said the Bentley spoiler I got. I also got another spoiler, but I did write this prediction before I found it. Earlier today, I wanted to read the prophecies of Agatha Nutter, and I found out that there's like, one that's like, "Anathema and Newton will only sleep together once." So I was like, "Okay, one of my predictions is right." But one, Anathema would try to harm Adam in some way.

C: Okay.

G: And I think Aziraphale and Crowley would like, try to stop her. I think, honestly, the Adam thing would be like, "Well, he's just a kid, and he's a good kid!" like, you know, whatever. One thing we know about Adam right now is that he is well-loved. He's well-loved by his parents, and he's well-loved by his friends, and I think, like, my next prediction is that [laughs] the power of friendship will save the day.

C: Mm.

G: Can you stop making that "hm" noise? [laughs] It's making me so nervous.

C: Okay, I won't talk.

G: [laughs] Okay. So, yeah, power of friendship, power of family, power of love or whatever. And also, I think Aziraphale and Crowley will take care of this kid. I think. Maybe. I don't know.

And my second prediction- well, those are my first two predictions. My next set of predictions is that Anathema and Newton will definitely meet and maybe fall in love.

C: Mm.

G: So. And then the next one is like, I think the Apocalypse will happen anyway, and instead, even though- even if Adam doesn't do anything to actually start it, I think like, the whole point of the Apocalypse is like, it's not about him. He's like, another vessel instead of being the actual plot, and I think maybe that'll line up nicely with the whole, like, Aziraphale and Crowley are just like, doing this as a- they're just playing a role, and like, Adam will have that kind of thesis in some way. You know, what'll end up happening is he actually is the one to stop the apocalypse. Which I think I got a bit of confirmation for that from the Bentley spoiler. Yeah.

C: Mm. Neat!

G: I don't have any- I feel like I need to do predictions next time that are more specific, like, I need to go Agatha Nutter-

C: Agnes Nutter, but yes.

G: [laughs] Why did I keep calling her Agatha? I'm so sorry. But yeah. I need to go Agnes Nutter the next episode where I just go like, "Next episode, Apple will release a new device that will change the world as we know it." C: So true. Good predictions in terms of like, I can see where you got them, and they're interesting. Let's go!

G: Yeah. Let's go!

C: Okay. Well, our next segment is gayest moment.

G: Really? [laughing] When did we agree on this segment?

C: [laughing] I have the fucking receipts! Let's go look through our Discord. Our next segment is gayest moment and transest moment.

G: [laughing] You have to remember that when we were deciding on this, I was watching the next episode, and I was like, "Okay. Okay. Okay. I mean, you can do it" the entire time because I was too busy watching. Okay, I think the gayest moment- Well, I know your answer, and it's the blowing on the coat.

C: I mean, I might put "Get in, angel" as the gayest moment just because it's very important to me personally.

G: I don't know.

C: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's a difficult segment to do when you don't necessarily ship them. [G laughs]

G: Maybe they're not gay. Have you considered?

C: Do they have a solo gay moment? I feel like every moment Aziraphale's in is a gay moment.

G: I think Aziraphale is such a-

C: He is the moment.

G: Yeah, he is the moment. I don't know. I quite like the- I do like the angel line quite a bit. Like, when he said it, I was like, "Well, that's kind of- Aw, that's sweet." I wouldn't say I don't ship them, but I also wouldn't say that I do ship them.

C: Yeah, that's valid.

G: Yeah, it's just, they are what they are.

C: They are what they are.

Transest moment.

G: [laughs] I have no idea how to answer it. The transest moment of this episode is when I watched it.

C: [laughs] That's true. Good point. I mean, if we had the book, I would say that the transest moment is when Crowley returns-

G: Is of course the- yeah.

C: - to her form. Man, I don't know. We didn't get to do this last time, so can I just carry over Episode 1, the fact that that kid's named Warlock as a transest moment?

G: [laughing] No, for real. Everyone's gonna think that kid's transgender.

C: Yeah. Good for him.

Going by Wensleydale? Going by Wensleydale's pretty trans.

G: Yeah. As I have said, I have attempted to do this in my life, and, you know what? Me and him, we're just like each other for real.

C: Yeah. Let's rate this episode out of 10. Grey, what is your rating for this episode?

G: I think this episode is fun. I had fun. I liked the way it ended. I liked the cliffhanger, whatever whatever, I like the characters introduced. But, as I've said earlier, it does take a while to get going, and it does set up a lot. And a lot of the setup? A little bit tedious. So I would give it an 8 out of 10. Still a good episode, not as good as last time, could be better. I'm hoping for better.

C: Yeah. I also feel like this was a step down from the pilot, but still enjoyed myself a decent amount. I think some of the jokes were less good than the previous, and I enjoyed meeting the human characters, but I feel like they just don't really get to be much deeper than their gimmicks. So I'm hovering between a 7 and an 8, but I feel like I feel like to leave room for things that are in between these two episodes. I'll give it a 7 because you said we have to do whole numbers only. Alright.

G: Yeah. Wait, you don't think they go beyond their gimmick for this episode, or like, in general in the show?

C: Well, we'll have to see, I suppose.

G: Okay, I guess we'll have to see. Apparently, Episodes 1 and 2 are both 8.0 on IMDb.

C: Huh. So like, the same.

G: Which is interesting to me. They have the same rating.

C: Exactly the same.

G: Episode 3 is an 8.4.

C: Oh, don't look at that. Don't look at anything.

G: I'm not looking, I'm not looking. I didn't even like, click on it, so I can read the- so I can't read the synopsis. But that's interesting. It's better than the first episode? That's fun. I'm excited.

C: I'm also excited.

G: And I will watch it immediately after we hung up, so.

C: Good.

C: That's it for this week's episode of Rubbish and Probably a Podcast. Next time, we will be talking about Season 1, Episode 3: [singing] "Hard Times. Gonna make you-" anyway. [laughs] So it's called "Hard Times." Leave us a rating or review wherever you get your podcast.

You know the song "Hard Times" by Paramore, right?

G: Of course. Is it based on that?

C: No, it's not based on that. It's just the name of the episode.

G: Okay, so follow us on social media. We interact through the account set up for our Supernatural commentary podcast, Busty Asian Beauties. So we're on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com, and you can email us at [email protected].

C: Thank you to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod. See you guys next time! [both] Bye!

[theme song]

[beep]

C: Sorry. My alarm that makes me do ten math problems before it turns off [G laughs] has suddenly turned on, so I need a second. Apologies. I did not turn all the correct ones off to day.

G: I do also want to say that Lot's wife, Ruth, is- that's a Sodom and Gomarrah story, right?

C: Yeah, yeah. She was asked not to turn back, and she did, and she turned into a pillar of salt.

G: She did. She turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes.

C: So it is.

G: No, it's "So it goes-"

C: "So it be"?

G: It's a reference to Slaughterhouse-Five.

C: Oh. Sorry.

G: He talks about it in Slaughterhouse-Five.

C: Got it. It wasn't a Cousin Greg moment.

G: Yeah. While you solve your thing-

C: Oh, I've finished just now, so we're good, but what's your thing?

G: No, I just wanted to say that I love the religious aspects in Slaughterhouse-Five so much. He literally bought a stethoscope to listen to Jesus's heart! And the Son of God was dead as a doornail and 5'3". Ah! It's so good. Anyway.

C: I barely remember anything about that book. [G laughs] I read it on your heavy recommendation, and I was like, "It was fine."

G: Yes. And you DGAF.

C: [laughs] And then that was it.

G: You DGAF, as the kids like to say nowadays.

C: What does that mean?

G: Like, you don't give a fuck. Like, you DGAF?

C: Oh, yeah, okay, got it. Those are the letters. That makes sense.

[beep]

C: [typing] Oh my god. Sorry. I'll find it. I'll do it. I can do it.

G: You can do it. [singing] "Bob the Builder. Can we fix it?" [C laughs] No, that reference means absolutely nothing to you, but it is the funniest thing to me.

C: What's- I know about Bob the Builder.

G: It's a reference to a NCT 127 song that like, became a meme, kind of, and the song is called "Time Lapse," and the chorus is, [singing] "Can we fix it? Baby, can we fix it, oh, fix it?" And there was this like, edit from like, last year, or something where they edited like, Bob the Builder, "can we fix it," like, the song, so it was like, [singing] "Bob the Builder, [both] can we fix it?"

C: Nice.

G: [laughing] And in my head, it plays constantly. Literally, Bob the Builder, can we fix it?

[beep]

G: Something that people should know about me and probably already do if you listen to our other podcast, I like to have things that the characters I like also have. So like-

C: Time to buy a Bentley.

G: Yeah. No, really, though, I mean, I have a ring that Dean Winchester, like, that looks pretty much exactly like Dean Winchester's ring and a coat that looks like his letter jacket. And also-

C: If anyone is thinking about listening to BABPod, know that I don't like Dean, so if that's putting you off right now-

G: [laughs] I don't even like Dean that much. But, like, I don't know, I saw this car, and I was like, "Well, I gotta have it." I mean, it's an insane-

C: Tennant and Sheen have both talked about how it's incredibly difficult to drive on set, so-

G: Of course.

C: Perhaps- is it worth it?

G: It's from 1926. It's absolutely not. But I do want it. You know, I also considered buying a watch recently.

C: [laughing] Because of House from House M.D.?

G: Because of House. But it's so insanely expensive, and I'm not doing that probably ever.

C: Yeah. What was it? Like, a $780 watch is his watch?

G: Yes. [both] Crazy. I mean, he needs one because he's a doctor, and he needs it.

C: It could be a bad watch or a cheap watch that's not bad.

G: That's true. Maybe one day I'll buy a Tom Ford perfume for Crowley's-

C: [laughs] Even though we have no clue if that's what he wears, yeah.

G: [laughs] Even though I just assumed that he wears Tom Ford perfume.

C: Yeah, I mean, you're so correct, I'm assuming.

G: Yeah.

[beep]

C: Sorry, I have to drink water.

G: Eugh-eugh-eugh-eugh-eugh. [C laughs]

C: I don't- Do I really sound like that every time I drink water?

G: I mean, not right now. Not right now. But every single time in the past, I do vividly here the eugh-eugh-eugh. [C laughs] And at this point, every time you drink water, I just do it by virtue.

C: I understand.

[beep]

G: And also to- [thunder] Do you hear that?

C: No.

G: [laughing] There's a super typhoon right now.

C: Oh.

G: And the- what's the English? The thunder is very intense.

C: Sorry, are you safe? Are things okay?

G: I am safe. I am safe, yeah, it's okay.

C: Okay. Good.

G: Yeah. We don't have any more trees to uproot. [both laughing] They already got rid of them. But anyway-

[beep]

C: I mean, it could be a full meal in the Grey universe.

G: Yes. For context, the other- the last time we recorded [C laughs], it was like, morning for me, and I showed up, and I was like, "Crystal! You gotta see my breakfast." [C laughs] And I brought up my plate of breakfast, and it was a hopia, which is like, a moon cake here in the Philippines, a sweet one; two Twizzlers; a Reese's peanut butter cup-

C: And a Snickers fudge bar? A Snickers brownie?

G: Yes, a Snickers brownie, and it's like, almond dark chocolate. [C laughs] And that was my breakfast. To be fair, it was, you know, I was having a rushed morning because I woke up latem and I was gonna cook eggs, but I was like, "You know what? There are Twizzlers in here, so that's okay."

C: That's true. Twizzlers can be substituted for eggs.

#transcript #rubbishpod

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