#i follow and reblog and comment and try to start a convo but get nothing back

[gege-wondering-around]

guys, i was thinking and i think someone needs to hear this.

talk to the people you wanna talk to.

if you're curious about them or wanna know them better or start to know them from nothing -> hit them up in their dm. i promise you it's worth giving it a try or you'll never know if they are who you're searching for.

and maybe it could unveil something you thought was lost within you...

and lemme give ya an example:

for those who don't know me from the start, my first posts were theories/analysis/interpretation etc. and i haven't done one of those in a very long time cause nothing came to my mind, i just stick to reblogs.

then someone came knocking at my door and i started to get to know @dontcallpanic a bit more, ask after ask. then, yesterday (i think it was yesterday) i got a dm from this sweet soul and we were chatting a bit and it came out something that really woke up that part in me again, of doing those kind of posts. (i'll post it when it's ready)

so, this is a silly, simply example of how a stranger (whom i plan to get to know better🩵) can wake you up from hibernation without even knowing it. of how a pretty soul can light back up that spark you thought was gone.

you can be the lighter and the spark. you can be the new comer or the old veteran, and both are good. both need each other cause it's just happier that way. you pour your passion which lighten up their spark, and your passions and feeling gets read by someone who understands them and you'll be happy.

and this is how the people you are curious about might be the best that could happen to you today, so go and talk to them, even if you're awkward or dont know how to start, just hit them up with...

idk, maybe why you follow them? maybe your intention to know them better if they'd be down to it too? maybe sending them one of their own post and sharing your opinion with them as a private convo?

there are many ways you can do this and i believe you can do this.

if you are curious, talk to people.

you'll find the right one for ya, but you gotta swim in the wild, vast ocean to find your species, cause there isn't any community or friendship without the hardship of building them.

I want you to meet your people, i want you to find someone who gets your feeling for your passions and hobbies and i want you to swim in the ocean to find them. you'll hit some rocks, maybe hook yourself to false baits but it'll be worth it when you'll find your buddies, i promise you.

it'd be my wildest dream to do those posts once again and get the community to hit them up with their opinions and ideas and everything in between (cause im genuinenly a curious person), it'd be my wild wild dream to be part of something and you can be part of it too.

you can find your people, you can find your freaks and beans. they are out there, you just gotta take a chance with people and i know it might be scary cause the internet is scary, the amount of cruelty and hate people have nowadays is bewildering, the way fandoms, communities etc got so weak (as someone rightfully said but i don't remember who) it's sad to see cause the new comers just see... that.

the dying light of a fandom, the hateful reblogs someone does under other's posts, the seemengly lost spark when you search your fav ship, or your new obsession, or your fav artist of the moment, or your fav actor or anything else and all you see are old posts (that makes you feel you're too late to join in) and hateful discussion that were meant to be nothing more than a chitchat within a part of the fandom (and you feel like you're wrong supporting your passion for that one thing)

but lemme tell you something.

lemme let you in on somethng, come here. come closer...

it's not dead. what you're searching for it's not dead, it just got weak and you can be one of the many little sparks that can bring back the joy of chatting and reblogging posts, of leaving playful and happy comments under other's posts about their passions.

you aren't late, you aren't in the wrong for liking it, you aren't walking in a cementary. it's more like everyone is in hibernation and you kinda have to shake'em up a bit with care, showing them your passion about that little ship, that character analysis, that little poem you wrote about your ex or about your boss being the worst. you woke'em up a bit and you keep being kind and respectfull and polite and you'll see how the fandom isn't dead, it just needed to hear the starting bell.

"hey guys, weird but true, here's my thoughts" and you pour everything down and i bet, i BET someone is gonna love it, you'll wake'em up and they'll be like 'finally someone with that pretty spark and those deep dives into ---' and i promise you, i swear on my name, you'll get yourself a small audience and you'll feel happy about sharing your thoughts while other will he eager to read them. then maybe they'll reblog it and comment on it, and you'll build a small connection with them, then maybe, one day a few months later, you'll wake up to a dm. or you'll the one sending it.

'hey, i think you're pretty cool and i like what you write, wanna chat a bit?'

and you'll find your people.

you will find them.

be kind, polite, respectfull in sharing your thoughts and you'll slowly build something with your strangers, then mutuals, then dm buddies, and maybe you'll end up with a friend sending you pic of their home made bread cause they care for you to the point they make bread for ya even if you cant eat it, but they know you'll love it and they'll eat for you.

nothing is dead, kiddo. you gotta dig up the fish from the bottom of the ocean but i promise you, they just need a little light to follow to come back and show you how to build a comfy aquarium with'em.

you'll find your people kiddo, you just gotta be curious about them.

and if you are one of those who just like to read and are eager to know more, you'll still be part of it. people will notice you, i promise you i notice those few beans of mine that likes many of my reblogs and i treasure them dearly. you'll be welcome too buddy, everyone is.

search for you freaks and beans, kiddo, you'll find them in the wild, vast and scary ocean. you'll wake up that feeling of belonging into a community and your spark will be treasured while you'll wake back up theirs. (which was never gone to begin with, they just needed to feel at home between a bunch of strangers calling each other darling and sweetheart while talking about two gay dudes)

find them kiddo, find them...

i believe you can.

[deiscension]

A kind of short and maybe not sweet, but hopefully not too mean notice.

TL;DR version of it: For personal blogs following and/or interacting with my posts, this is just an rp blog and I'm here for funsies and I'm totally fine with you also having funsies with anything I write/say, but please don't reblog my in-character content and mega-please don't come into my posts or DMs to start a debate club session on how you don't agree with my hcs or because you dislike the character I'm writing! Also just in general don't be weird about SQX's gender.

Since there are a few personal blogs following me and/or engaging with my posts, I just want to state very plainly that this is a roleplay blog for SQX. Outside of reiterating what we already know to be canon from the books themselves, nothing I say, write, or draw is canon. This iteration you're seeing of SQX is built off the books, extras, interviews + my personal headcanons and thoughts based on how I interpret each character, relationship, and story arc. While I aim to stay as close to canon as possible with my interpretations and writings, I also intend to flesh out what I personally feel I need to in order to rp them both inside canon settings and outside them. Again, none of that is canon and I wouldn't claim it to be so!

I don't mind personals following me and liking my posts, but please please please do not comment on or reblog any of my roleplay threads or asks I have. If you ever come across a headcanon post you like, I'm... somewhat alright with it being reblogged (basically please just ask! I promise I don't bite and it'll likely be a yes). I'm totally fine with having convos about anything related to SQX and t/gcf at large in DMs too! Basically I ask that my roleplays get left untouched.

I also understand some of my posts are inevitably going to end up in search/tag results, no matter if I censor and/or shorten names or not. I apologize if that causes clutter and please do block if you need to in order to get rid of it! But. That is not an invitation for you to hassle me about it. It's also not open invitation to come at me with a bone to pick about how I talk about XYZ character or how I interpret ABC relationship. And it certainly isn't an invitation for you to disparage the character I'm writing and insult me for choosing to write them. Frankly I won't tolerate that about any t/gcf character 'cause this is like... The Superfantabulous SQX Show Supreme, idk why you'd sit down for it and then be surprised she's at center stage. You're allowed to be a proud hater in peace, just don't disturb my peace ya feel? But if you're going to be a weirdo about SQX's genderfluidity and try to start shit about it then you can be a hater in agony. I'm not changing my mind on that.

This isn't aimed at any personals currently following me-- you're welcome to stay as long or as short as you like!

[ariiikat]

Hey everyone! It’s been a while :3

Firstly, the reason why I’ve haven’t been actively writing stuff and only reblogging things to let my mutuals know I’m okay, is because I had an absolute crisis and anxiety ridden term 2 at my uni. It didn’t help that Sydney went into lockdown so I’ve been trying to stay sane and alive with the lack of shifts coming at my job... and rethinking my approach to my degree at uni.

But I know for a fact not many of you are interested in that, but in my writing...

Some people have been wondering when I’m going to add the next instalment of The Love Story of Ruby Rose and Weiss Schnee (specifically a sequel to Lovely Beginnings)... and to be honest, I fell out of the RWBY fandom officially.

I tried my hardest to keep up but I’ve just... moved on. AND I know it sucks! I’m in the middle of this story and it was starting to just get good, but I’ve lost the motivation to write meaningful content on it.

I am especially apologetic to those people who also had recently just found my story and have begun supporting the hell out of it! You’ve reminded me that I can’t just leave things and that some people have been waiting for something, so thank you for helping getting my head out of my ass 🥺.

Going back to the whiterose fanfic, this lack of motivation was kinda prevalent in the chapters, some chapters were kind of speeding along and I didn’t really bother working with the ending as much as I knew I could’ve!

But... thing is I’m very stubborn and I don’t like leaving things unfinished... so here it goes!

I will finish the second part of the series, then at the end of it I will upload a chapter dedicated to what would’ve happened. A lot of you guys have been supporting me since I made this as a one off story years ago so you guys at least deserve a glimpse into the life of Ruby and Weiss as a couple, and then what was meant to be in their future.

After that, I won’t upload anymore RWBY content. I still watch and comment on the show when it comes back from its hiatus but fanfics and art won’t happen anymore.

ALSO

I haven’t been posting that many hot takes on tumblr, and that’s because I’ve accidentally defaulted to what I usually used it for, scrolling through art and post and reblogging it.

Should I change it? Honestly tumblr is my comfort site when finding things funny or looking through fanart. After some of your guys’ dm and the good convos we have, I’d actually love to get better friends with you! Online at least. So after a suggestion I finally am opening my Twitter from private so ya’ll who are interested can get a peak into my life and see more of my opinions on there. I’m usually more reactive to things there since... I dunno it feels more interactive. Also! I personally like using their dm system more even if there is literally nothing that different from this site. I’ll probably move it to private after a while but I’ll make sure to follow you back :3

I’m @ariiikat if you are interested in getting to know me more :)

(the dp should be an offended cat)

This was a dormant account I never really used until recently so happy to see you there!

If there’s no one there whelp I’ll just chill in my lonesome 😎

[sitp-recs]

Hey

Um I don't know if I should be asking this but I thought I'll try it since there's no ask option.

So I am in a lot of fandoms and I always see a lot of hate for ships or characters I like in comment sections and videos and stuff. Usually if it's like videos i just skip past but I am all about listening to the other side and not living in an echo chamber and it almost always ends with me feeling drained coz there's just a lot of hate most of the time. I was thinking about asking anything u usually do when it comes to hate where people say stuff like ur wrong or immoral for liking or reading something...

Thanks for all that u do for our fandom. Just saying it out to someone helped a lil. Thank u so much for ur recs, reblogs of lovely advice, being a nice and kind person in this fandom and everything else

Hi there! Thanks for sending this, I’ve reopened the asks because I really wanted to answer this one publicly. Many of my new followers may not know, but I’m a pro-shipper, ship & let ship, kinktomato and whatever else defines folks who couldn’t care less about what others enjoy in their free, private time. I happen to indulge many ships considered “problematic”, most of them involving age gap, so I consider myself personally implicated in any conversation about fandom hate. I may not receive as much in this blog but I certainly got it in other fandoms so I feel like I do have some experience (especially because I’ve dealt with this conflict internally, way before I decided to expose myself and engage with the fandom community).

Anyhoo! How do I deal with hate on ships and characters I enjoy? I tend to follow the avoid - delete - disengage triad. It’s not an easy task, it requires a lot of self-control and focus not to delve into it, but ultimately I’ve decided that my mental health is way above any rich, interesting convo I may get out of it. That’s easier said than done if we go beyond anon hate to include actual friends who disagree with you, but I feel like a compromise must be done on both cases.

For example, my fave character is Tony Stark. I love him like I’ve never loved any character before or since, and I’m particularly sensitive about his arc and about his relationship with Steve in Civil War. My closest fandom friend is @tackytigerfic and Tony is SO NOT her fave 😂 I know that, she knows I know that, we respect each other’s views and we simply don’t talk about it (Tacky is not a MCU fan either way and Drarry is soo much more interesting!) but I’m pointing this out because we get on really well and I’m sure we could have AMAZING convos about the MCU in general and about Tony and Steve in particular, but I won’t go there because it’s a discussion that wears me out, makes me bitter, makes me sad, makes me think and feel things I don’t want to face while I’m enjoying fandom in my free time. I guess your friends will either take it or leave it, but honestly respecting someone else’s limits is a basic friendship law (or it should be!) and a common courtesy in general.

People often ask us to be the “bigger person” and talk it out like the mature adults we are, but fandom isn’t a paid job - it’s a hobby and as such we owe absolutely nothing to strangers about whatever fictional preferences we choose to indulge in our free time. We all want different things out of fandom and I believe we should actively pursue it, and focus on what brings us joy, comfort and fulfillment. I don’t want to see things that upset me, and I’m not here to have mindblowing meta talks at the cost of my own peace of mind, not even with close friends. That’s not a compromise I’m willing to make, so I don’t. So I go on unashamedly deleting rude asks, ignoring shitty comments, blocking blogs, and living this fandom life inside my happy bubble. After a few years struggling to come with terms with what I enjoy and what I want out of fandom, it is that simple for me.

Now I’m 100% comfortable with knowing my reading preferences aren’t a reflection of my personality or morals, I feel freer and self-aware in a way I’ve never felt before. And again, this is what works for me - while my 2 cents may not be as helpful to someone else, I’m posting this publicly hoping to maybe start a conversation and get some other perspectives to share. I hope you find a way to deal with it that won’t take away your joy of interacting with fandom :) stay safe! ❤️

[bbysamu]

House Party Series

First party of the semester ft. Akaashi Keiji x f!reader (special appearances by Atsumu, Bokuto, Terushima, Daichi, Makki) 

Song: Lotus flower bomb by Wale & Miguel (slowed + reverbed) (make sure to listen as you read, sets the mood) 

Warning: mentions of drinking, suggestive-ish

Preview: Akaashi is a member of an asian-interest fraternity and by chance, got to know you better at a mixer (party). Needless to say, he’s intrigued....

a/n: New series alert! I had so much fun writing this, loosely based on a true story. If you like it, please let me know by pressing like / reblogging and follow me for more! In the meantime, check out my masterlist! 

♥️  Special Match-Up Event Open – Check out rules here and submit here or here (for anon)

Akaashi Keiji didn’t know why he always allowed himself to be roped into situations like this. Parties really were not his thing, but his brothers insisted on him showing up at every mixer with the other sororities because it’ll “boost” attendance. 

“Come on Keiji, you know all the girls only really attend our mixers for you, apparently you’re the cutest one here”. 

“that’s not true, you guys are always the one who end up with the girls in your arms.” Akaashi grumbled quietly. 

“that is true, but you better come out tonight”. 

[ 10:15 pm ]

Akaashi sat on the rugged black sofa and watched his brothers run around prepping the house for the party. Someone (who sounded suspiciously like Atsumu) yelled, “The girls just texted me saying they’ll be here in about ten minutes. They sent me a picture, the babes are looking so good today. Y’all better get ready!” 

“Come on Keiji, help me bring the jungle juice to the table” Bokuto yelled out to his friend. Akaashi reluctantly went over, looking at the bright red liquid in skepticsm, “what the heck did you add in here today?” 

Bokuto grinned, “oh you know, the special. Some vodka, raspberry juice, a hint of fireball and a whole lot of love”. 

Akaashi could practically feel the burning liquid in his throat, Bokuto’s definition of “a hint” usually meant a little more than one bottle. 

Suddenly the lights were dimmed, loud, bass-pumping music echoed throughout the house.

“Smile Keiji, the girls are almost here”. 

[ 10:30 pm ]

Akaashi was once again placed on door duty because he was “the cutest”. The doorbell rang once, twice. 

“Passcode?” 

Girly giggles erupted before saying “Terushima Yuji is the hottest”. 

Akaashi rolled his eyes, of course Terushima, the social chair, the biggest flirt of the entire house would choose a password like this. 

He opened the door, nose immediately hit with a strong mixture of flower, candy and fruit, making him sneeze. 

“Bless you baby”, the president of the sorority said, flashing Akaashi a smile. He returned the smile weakly, wanting nothing more than to escape from door duty. 

One by one the girls walked in, giggling and flashing flirty smiles at Keiji. He smiled politely, thinking to himself, “yeah I guess Atsumu was right, the girls are looking cute tonight”. 

[ 10:59 pm ] 

Akaashi sat on the stairs bored, one more minute until his shift was over. He highly doubt there would be anymore guest. A soft knock on the door proved him wrong. He opened the door to find (Y/N) standing there, surprised to see her wrapped in a winter jacket. Though it was definitely a cold night in January, most girls simply showed up in their dresses or skirt, too lazy to carry their jacket. 

“Well, Keiji, can I come in?” (Y/N) asked cheekily. 

Akaashi cleared his throat, “yeah, of course, come on in”. 

“This is so much better, I was freezing out there”. 

“If you were freezing out there and you had a jacket on, how much colder were you sisters? none of them had jackets on.” 

He watched as her eyes opened in shock, shaking her head in disappointment “again? I specifically told them to wear their jackets and we could just leave it in one of your bedrooms”. 

“Speaking of which, Keiji you want to let my jacket borrow your bedroom for the night?” She asked him. 

“Nope, use Makki’s”. Akaashi replied, knowing full well that Makki was in love with you. 

“Fine, fine I’ll hang it up in Makki’s room”. (Y/N) replied, unbuttoning her jacket and shimmying it off her body. Akaashi’s eyes slightly widened at her outfit underneath. It wasn’t promiscuous at all, Y/N did not like dressing that way, but she had an impeccable sense of style and knew what worked and what didn’t. And right now, that little black halter top, with her black jeans definitely worked for her. Akaashi quickly looked away, coughing to hide his rising blush. 

“I know the way, I’ll talk to you later Keiji. Don’t party too hard.” 

“I’ll try my best”, he replied, making the both of you laugh knowing full well he’s most likely going to just stay on the sofa later. 

[ 11: 10 pm ] 

Now that all the guests have arrived, Terushima lowered the music volume and called everyone to the main living room. His eyes glint with mischief. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first mixer of the year!” He waited for the applauses and whistles to die down before continuing, “we got some fresh new faces, so let’s go around and introduce ourselves, and ladies please, after you introduce yourself give us a little twirl so we can admire your outfit”. That last sentence earned Terushima a smack on the head by Daichi, the president, but the girls nodded and giggled. 

One by one people started to introduce themselves, their name, year, and that little twirl, which some of the brothers did as well. 

The room fell quiet as Y/N introduced herself, the brothers staring intently at her. A coy smile on her face as she introduced herself before twirling around, giving everyone a 360 look at her outfit. 

Yells of support echoed throughout the house as her sisters clapped and shouted, “Go Y/N! thats my sister” or “my sister is so hot!” 

“Ever the flirt”, Akaashi thought to himself, smiling, knowing full well that’s just her natural personality. He looked over at Makki, who was so obviously blushing, even in the dim light. 

Akaashi sighed inwardly, tired of seeing his brother’s lack of action. If Makki really liked Y/N, he should go talk to her instead of always wandering into Keiji’s room ranting about how beautiful she is. 

[ 11:30 PM ] 

The music was once again turned up full volume. People were scattered all over the house, some were huddled by the kitchen table playing kings’ cup or beer pong, others dancing in the living room, a few cuddled up by the couch. 

Makki came over to sit by Keiji.

“Go talk to her”, Keiji’s head nodded slightly in Y/N’s direction, who was walking around the room checking up on her sisters. 

Makki sighed, “no, I know she doesn’t like me that way”. 

Keiji had enough of Makki’s lack of action. Makki’s crush was a well-known secret, ever since he first laid eyes on Y/N. They were friends, but as his feelings got more intense, Makki found it harder and harder to carry on a full conversation with her. 

Keiji didn’t want to endure another late night chat comforting Makki and listening to him ramble about how “perfect” Y/N was. 

“Come on, I’ll go with you and join the convo, then leave a little later.” 

Makki sighed again and stood up to follow Keiji. 

“Hi boys, what’s up?” Y/N said, eyes side glancing over at the two boys before turning her attention back to making sure one of her already-tipsy sister was drinking enough water. 

“nothing, we just wanted to chat with you,” Keiji replied, “right, Makki?” 

“yes, and uh...you look very nice tonight,” Makki said shyly. 

“awww thank you babe, you look nice too” Y/N said absentmindedly. Unbeknownst to Makki, “babe” was Y/N’s “affectionate word of the day”. Keiji had heard from another sister that in order to boost more sisterly love, her sorority has instituted an “affectionate word of the day” activity. But before Keiji could tell Makki, Makki was already a blushing mess, unable to function. 

“I...um...babe...um...need water,” Makki said, before dashing away. 

Y/N turned to Akaashi confused, “did I say something?” 

Akaashi sighed, “nah, he’s just a weirdo”. 

Y/N laughed slightly at Keiji’s comment and flashed him a smile, “so...you wanted to chat. How’s it going?” 

Akaashi’s heart suddenly skipped a beat, “same old, same old”. 

“You know what your problem is Keiji?” Y/N turned her full attention to him, “you need to relax babe.” 

“I am relaxed.” 

“Yes yes, but your relaxing is boring.” 

Akaashi smiled in amusement, “what does that even mean?” 

A sudden change of song had Y/N standing up taller, “it means, come dance with me because this is my favorite song”. 

♫ We're living in a fantasy I feel it when you dance with me♫ 

The light seemed to dim even lower as Y/N grabbed Akaashi’s hand, pulling him towards the dance floor. Y/N started moving to the beat of the music, eyes beckoning Akaashi to do the same. 

Akaashi knew Y/N was a good dancer from seeing her move at previous mixers, but to dance next to her was a whole other story. 

He moved closer, putting one hand on her waist, she glanced up shyly to him, any hint of her usual flirtiness gone. Her duality shocked Akaashi in the best of ways. The two continued dancing, the space between them gradually lessening as the melody played on and on. 

“Now, now, this kind of relaxation is more fun isn’t it Keiji?” 

Akaashi smiled down at you and nodded. 

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[supernaturalnardog]

Brotherly things in season 15!

It looks like there’s enough interest, so I’ve decided I am going to try making a brotherly things list for our last ride :).

It’s the very last season now, so I want to cherish and appreciate every bit of brother lovin’ we have left, and this list is a way to help me (and anyone else who reads this list) do just that. For those of you who weren’t following me when I was making the lists before, this is simply a list of all of the moments/scenes in Supernatural that showcase Sam and Dean’s bond. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a moment that Sam and Dean share together, hence why the list is titled “brotherly things” instead of “broments.” 

Just a few rules before I get started:

If anyone thinks I missed any brotherly things in an episode, feel free to comment or reblog and tell me what you think should be added to the list! This isn’t just a list I’m making for myself but also a disscussion for anyone who loves Sam and Dean and the incredible bond that they share.

If you reblog this post, please do not use the Wincest tag. I have nothing against Wincest and I follow many Wincest blogs, but I know there are some people out there who may have Wincest blacklisted but still love Sam and Dean’s brother bond and I want them to be able to enjoy the list too.

Please do not use this list to make fun of, ridicule, or put down destiel shippers (or shippers of any other ship) in any way. There are plenty of people out there who love Sam and Dean’s bond but also ship Destiel and I want to keep this list as hate free as possible.

I will try to reblog this post by the Saturday after Supernatural airs througout the season to add the scenes from the new episode but I make no promises. Please do not send me angry anon messages asking me why I haven’t updated the list yet, I’ll just delete your message anyway.

okay now let’s get into the brother lovin’!

 BROTHERLY THINGS IN 15.01: 

Ending scene by the impala, part 1: nurse!Dean tries to “fix up” Sam’s gunshot wound. Nurse!Dean (and nurse!Sam) broments are probably my all time favorite type of brother moment, so I was absolutely over the moon to see a moment like this in the season premier. First, big brother Dean insists on taking a look at Sam’s wound so he can “fix him up.” It’s obvious that Dean wants so desperately for the wound to be something normal that can be healed with time and bandages. When Dean sees that there’s no exit wound and confirms that the wound is not normal in any way, he shifts into “distraction” mode by bringing up a memory from their childhood while attempting to clean the wound to distract both himself and Sam from the severity of the situation. The little smile Sam gave as Dean told the knock knock joke he used to tell injured!Sam when they were kids  made me absolutely melt, as did Dean’s proud smile and “Still got it.” Dean was so proud and content that after all these years, he’s still able to be the big brother and distract Sam from the pain. When Sam turns away, Dean’s smile disappears and his worried big brother face comes out, Dean is obviously worried that Sam is hurt in a way that he can’t heal and that it’s only going to get worse.   

Ending scene by the impala, part 2: It’s now Sam’s turn to take care of Dean. Dean is doubtful that they’ve ever had free will and believes  that this whole time they’ve just been “rats in a maze” but Sam insists that even if they didn’t have a choice, everything they did still mattered because they still saved people, still made a difference. Sam knows that Dean will continue on a downward spiral if he keeps believing nothing he ever did mattered, so Sam is desperately trying to get Dean to see his point of view, and tries to cheer Dean up by telling him “It’s just us” and Chuck is gone, so now they’re free to make their own decisions. I’m not sure Sam entirely believed what he was saying, but either way he desperately wants to get Dean to believe it before he completely loses hope. 

Ending scene by the impala, part 3: You and me against every demon in hell. The scene by the impala ends with Dean seemingly coming around to Sam’s point of view (though based on his convo with Cas in 15.02, it seems like maybe he was just trying to be strong for Sam) ans exclaiming “You and me against every demon in hell? I like those odds” and Sam agrees, giving a little smile and saying “me too.” I loved the “you and me against the world” vibe that the last part of the brother moment had, and the “we got work to do” callback made the scene even better. As long as Sam and Dean are together, they can conquer absolutely anything, and they know it in their hearts, just as we do. 

BROTHERLY THINGS IN 15.02: 

Big brother Dean automatically jumping out when Sam’s wound started to hurt (as a result of Chuck touching his own wound) and he was visibly in pain. The moment was brief, but I loved Dean’s “Still with the shoulder?” and his worried stare after Sam said it was getting better. No matter how old they get, Dean will always worry when Sam is hurt or in pain, and that’s why I love this show. 

[raysofcrosby]

LITTLE DO YOU KNOW PT. 7

"𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦–– 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘦'𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵." – 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐀𝐦𝐲 & 𝐑𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐜 𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐫

gif credit (x)

series masterlist

requested: yes | no

warnings: slight *unprotected* smut, implied sexual situations, otherwise its just fluffy convo.

word count: 10,282 [it’s a fucking novel ladies and gents, better buckle up]

authors note: FIRST AND FOREMOST, i’m going to apologize for the horribly written smut. i never write smut bc 1) i suck at it and 2) it makes me feel awkward lmao [sidenote: safe sex is great sex!!!].  also, if a boy did for me what tyler did for baby benn in this– then homeboy could like...get it. ALSO this ending wasn’t supposed to be the original ending, but i feel like it adds a little more oomph when it comes to small things involving the storyline– so i hope it doesn’t flop. i hope you guys’ enjoy! i love reading your comments, seeing your tags in the reblogs and just seeing that you guys’ enjoy this story as much as i enjoy writing it! without further ado, here’s part 7!

Your weekend with Tyler was exactly what you needed as a break away from school and of course, the biggest blessing Dallas was about to receive– the rest of the Benn's. Jordie was in town with the Canucks and your parents, Jenn, your brother-in-law, and your niece were all flying down to not only have a small visit with you before you traveled home for Christmas but to also see the two boys play against each other. Sure, they were able to see Jamie and Jordie play against each other only a few days ago when the Stars stopped in Vancouver, but there was one thing that the game didn't have– you. And you were never one to toot your own horn when it came to your siblings, but you were the favorite– second to Jenny at times. She was the firstborn and she had blessed your parents with a grandchild way before the rest of you. But you were the baby, and that was always a prize.

The rest of your family all got into Dallas around the same time, but since you had class and Jamie and Jordie had workouts, you guys didn't plan to get together until lunch, which unfortunately for Jamie, cut into his pre-game nap– but at least he'd get a free meal out of it, thanks to your parents. Until then though, you were suffering in your classes, too busy thinking about this past weekend and telling Kennedy everything you'd learned from Brandon about this Maisy girl. Kennedy didn't know who she was, and being the best friend ever, kept you out of your own worst thoughts by assuring you that if the relationship was as serious as Brandon said it was– Tyler wouldn't have played it off as nothing.

And that kept the bad thoughts out of your head for most of the day, until it came time to pick Jamie up at his place. The conversation in the car between your parents, you and Kennedy also kept you distracted– it was easy to talk about how school was going and how her family was doing, but when they mentioned your internship, it was hard not to immediately think about Tyler. Thankfully, by the time that came around, you guys were pulling up to Jamie's. Before your dad could even put the rental into park, you offered to run up and grab Jamie, that way they didn't have to get out of the car. You ran up the front steps and rang the doorbell an obnoxious amount of times and when the door opened, you were pleased to see Jenn standing there with a smile on her face.

"You know, there's a child sleeping in here," she joked, wrapping you in in a hug.

"Sleep is for the weak, Jenn. Kennedy is in the car with mom and dad, just send her to the back of the SUV so you guys can make room for the car seat."

"That's okay, Y/N. I managed to snag a sick rental," Andrew, your brother-in-law smiled, walking past with the car seat in his hands and giving you a one-armed hug.

"And by sick, he means a red 4runner," Jenn rolled her eyes as Andrew carried the car seat to their rental in the driveway. "He really just left without letting you see her, didn't he?"

"I'll see my favorite niece at lunch, that's fine," you laughed, watching as she put her purse on her shoulder. "Is he inside?"

"Jamie? Oh yeah, he's almost ready. We'll go ahead and follow you guys to the restaurant."

You nodded and walked inside as she walked out to their rental, closing the door behind her. "JAMIE EVERYONE'S READY BUT YOU!" You yelled out, unsure just where he was in his house.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N. You don't need to blow a guy's eardrum out like that," he groaned, walking from around the corner. "I just need to finish my hair and then grab water and I'm ready to head out."

"J...why are you even bothering to do your hair when you'll mess it up during your nap?"

He stopped in his tracks as if the thought never even crossed his mind. "Well, fine. But let me grab a hat at least so I don't have to brush it."

You sighed and leaned against the stairway, looking around his house aimlessly. When your eyes landed on an old picture of him and Tyler with Dude Perfect, a thought entered your mind. "Hey J? Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, why not?"

You bit the inside of your cheek, wondering whether or not you should ask. Would it make Jamie suspicious to...whatever the hell you and Tyler had? Would he tease you for even wanting to know? "Do you know who Maisy is?"

"Huh?"

"Maisy! Do you–" You started to yell, only to see him come back down the hallway with a hat in his hands. "Do you know who Maisy is?"

He didn't even bother to stop this time, only walking away and into his kitchen. "Like, Tyler's Maisy?"

Your stomach dropped then and there straight into the bottom of your shoes. 'Tyler's Maisy.' You weren't sure if it was the nonchalant way that he said it or the fact that he just confirmed that Brandon wasn't lying that made you feel so uneasy– but either way...you were.

"Yeah, where they like...a thing?"

He came out of the kitchen holding onto two water bottles and tossing you one. A genuine look of concern on his face sent your heartbeat into overdrive as you tried to keep your expression as neutral as possible. "I mean, yeah. I don't know if they were ever really official, but she was his man hookup all last season."

He walked away again, this time coming back and shoving his wallet into his short pockets. "She also kind of played a roll in why he had to pick his new house so fast. Granted he already had two settled, but I guess she accidentally leaked his address on Instagram or snapchat or something after order postmates." He opened the front door, grabbing his house keys off of the hanger. "Also, there was this huge spamming thing from random accounts on twitter, some sports forum and other crap saying he needed to go public with her. They'd even comment on Candace and Cassidy's stuff."

As you followed him out of the door, it all started to make sense as to why Tyler didn't want you to ever post that you were at his house– it wasn't fully out of fear that Jamie would know you were there...but because he was scared that maybe you'd leak his address. And while that revelation made you feel a little more at ease, you couldn't help but acknowledge the hint of sadness when you connected Brandon's comments about Tyler not letting Maisy post stuff, to what Jamie just confirmed.

"I think he broke it off in the summer though, why?"

You shook yourself out of your thoughts and walked ahead of him. "Oh nothing, I just heard some frat guys talking about her when I dropped Cole's stuff off."

"Yeah, well I wasn't the only one who warned Seggy about getting involved with a college girl. I mean, I got lucky with Katie, but there's also a three year age difference between us." You were shocked at Jamie's reply as he walked ahead of you this time. "Tyler's going for girls now where the age difference is like six to seven years– I mean, maybe mentally he's right for them, but it's just...I don't know it never works out and we keep trying to tell him that, but you know how he is."

You just smiled and nodded as he opened the car door for you and you saw Kennedy climb into the next row of seats. You followed suit, saving a seat for when you went to pick up Jordie and ultimately ending your conversation there. The conversation picked up between everyone in the car as you made your way to your lunch destination, but you were lost in your little world, resting on the things both Brandon and Jamie have said...plus the fact that Tyler would be joining you guys for the post-game dinner in just a few hours.

How bad could it all go?

❒❒❒❒

Dinner was going to be a fun time and it would only be because you were going to be witness to Jamie rubbing it into Jordie's face that they beat them twice in less than a week. Little brother beating big brother– the theme to their entire childhood, was enough to entertain your dinner for 11. They spent a good five minutes arguing about who would cover the check, Jamie or Jordie and for a hot second, they both agreed that you would cover it– but a quick reminder that you were a college senior with no job and an unpaid internship, shut them down real quick. Otherwise, dinner was fun and heartwarming.

Your parents had invited Big Rig and Tyler along– Big Rig once they learned that he and Kennedy were an item, and Tyler because he was like another son to them, and Jamie's best friend. Luckily for you, the way everyone ended up being seated around the table, you had Kennedy and Big Rig to your right, and Tyler to your left, before it moved on to Jenn at the end of the table with your niece. The conversations were flowing all across the table and seemingly never-ending, everyone around the table, at least once, having the conversation focused on them. With Big Rig, it was his sister and if he liked being back in Dallas versus being in Pittsburgh. 

With Kennedy, it was how her family's work is going and whether she was ready to deal with the Canadian cold come Christmas. Jamie and Jordie were tied together, the same with Tyler when they weren't asking about how his family was doing. With you, it was school and how your internship with the team was going–  and God the conversation seemed never-ending. But you weren't sure if it was because you hated being the topic of everyone at dinner or if it was Tyler's hand resting on your thigh.

The entire night, beneath the table Tyler had been touching you. At first, it was knocking his knee against your own now and then before full on pressing his leg against yours. Then it escalated to him touching your leg and eventually keeping a hold on your leg throughout dinner. Acts that seemingly everyone around the table was oblivious to. And during dinner, the two of you kept up your chirping at one another like it was another day in the locker room, though there were few moments that slipped through, where it was like you were the only two in the room. A time, that once or twice, Kennedy had to nudge you with her knee to warn you that your flirtationship with Tyler was starting to make its presence known in front of your family. You would then nudge Tyler with your leg, signaling for him that the two of you needed to cool it down a little, but then you'd place a hand on his thigh, letting him know that a little touch was still okay. While keeping it on the low was a high priority, you couldn't help but feel reassured about Tyler's feelings towards you with those small touches– for they cast away any doubts you'd been thinking only hours before.

Everything was fine until you got up to go to the bathroom just before Jordie handed off his card to pay the bill, at least you thought it was. Because the moment you walked out of the bathroom, Jordie was leaning against the awning for the bathroom hallway, waiting for you. "Creeper isn't a good look, Jordie." You joked, brushing by him as you continued to shake your hands dry of the water that the air dryer didn't get.

"Is there something going on with you and Seggy?"

The question stopped you in your tracks, both because you had feared that maybe he had picked up on something during dinner and because he had asked so blatantly that you were scared someone else would hear. "What?" You asked, turning around.

He moved off of the wall, still crossing his arms and walked up to you. He looked around before looking back at you again. "Is there something going on with you and Seggy?"

"What?" This time, the question didn't come from you, but from Jamie who had just walked towards the bathroom awning. "No way, that's ridiculous!"

You looked between the two Benn brothers, Jamie looking at Jordie as if he was insulted that Jordie even suggested it, and Jordie giving you his 'I'm your big brother, I'm not as oblivious as this idiot so I already know the answer' look. "What are you three talking about?"

We looked to see our Mom coming around the corner with everyone else slowly trickling behind. "Jordie seems to think that Y/N and Tyler have something going on, which is stupid and he's probably just still bitter that he lost."

Your mom just looks between the three of you with raised eyebrows before nodding her head. As if he had perfect timing, Tyler came strolling around the corner and plopped two hands on Jamie's shoulders. "I'm going pee and then I'm headed home, the dogs need to be fed and let out."

You sent up a silent prayer to the Universe at the fact Tyler hadn't offered to drive you back to your dorm, especially after Jordie had seemingly connected the dots. "I'm going to catch wait by Big Rig's car, he's taking Kennedy home...so I'm catching a ride." You smiled, before removing yourself from the situation and walking out into the crisp, night air. 

It felt too stuffy in that restaurant all of a sudden and for the first time all night, you were grateful that your parents were staying with Jamie at his place instead of a hotel. That way, they had no choice but to take him straight home before they called it a night. They weren't obligated to drive you back to your dorm and both the Stars and your family were heading out of Dallas the next day.

"Hi, Sweetie." You turned around to see your mom making her way over to Big Rig's vehicle, pulling her cardigan across her chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," you huffed, nodding towards the restaurant. "It was just a little hot in there."

She nodded, seemingly accepting your pathetic excuse. She barely let the silence settle between you before she spoke again. "You know I love you and that no matter what it is, you don't have to keep secrets from me...right?"

You tried not to let your face give it away, that you knew where she was going with her conversation. "Y-Yeah, I do..."

She took a deep breath before turning to look back at the restaurant, making sure the coast was clear. "Is Jordie right? About you and Tyler? Is there...something going on between you?"

When Jordie had asked, you were fearful– scared that he would judge you on being with Tyler, your brother's best friend, hell...a close family friend in general. That if he knew, all of a sudden he'd see you as just another one of Tyler's playthings and not Y/N...his younger sister. But when your mom asked, it was like the pressure of hiding it, mixed with a huge swell of emotions just washed completely over you, drowning you if it could, and you started to cry. 

"Y-Yes..." You let out a small gasp as you went to speak immediately after your confession, "but please don't be mad at me mom– please don't–"

She took you into her arms and hugged you tightly, a hand resting at the back of your head and shooshing you to calm you down. You closed your eyes, taking in her embrace as you felt your shoulders feel a little lighter at the confession. When you pulled away, she held onto both of your hands before smiling at you. "So you and Tyler, you're...dating?"

"Yes...No..." You sighed, wiping your cheeks and shaking your head.  "I don't know."

Your mom laughed, which was a reaction that you didn't expect from her. "I'll never understand this generation and your definition of relationships. Just tell me one thing...do you like him?"

You looked down at the ground, thinking about the last few days that you'd spent with Tyler and smiling at the way he made you feel and the funny moments in between. "I do...a lot. We have fun together, you know? It's just...it's easy."

"And I assume that Jamie doesn't know?"

You looked away from her again, nodding your head in shame. "We haven't told him yet...I'm just, scared of what he'll think."

"He's your brother, Y/N. I'm sure he'll think no less of you because of who you're dating." She sighed, squeezing your hand and gaining your attention. "And Tyler, well he is quite the step up from Cole."

"Yeah," you laughed, smiling at her. "He really is." As your eyes skimmed her face, your heart and brain prepared you for the 'but' that you knew was coming.

"Tyler's just..." Your mom shook her head, sighing again. "He's a little too old for you, don't you think?" She must have seen the look on your face when those words left her mouth because she held onto your arms and looked worried.

"I'm only saying that because well, the two of you are in very different stages of your lives. He's almost 28 and he's been in the adult world long enough to find out who he is and what he wants for his life. And you...you're barely 22, about to graduate college and experience the real adult world for the first time. You still need to find out who you are and what you want."

You understood what she meant and took her fear into account because if you were being honest...she had a point. Besides the summertime, you were in school for 9 months out of the year, living to a strict class schedule and figuring out your day to day routine without the fear of bills lingering over your head. You've had your little taste of the adult world, but come May you were about to get smacked in the face with reality...whereas Tyler's already figured out his life.

"Just...be careful, okay? You can have your time and relationship with Tyler, but don't lose yourself in this."

"Thanks, Mom, I love you." You whispered, hugging her close and wishing with everything that she didn't have to go back home tomorrow.

"I love you too sweetie." She pulled away and cupped your face, kissing your forehead. "Now promise me that you won't hide this from your brother forever, okay? It'd be a lot worse for him to find out from someone else rather than hear it straight from the both of you."

You only nodded in reply as the rest of your dinner group walked up, saying their goodbyes before separating to their cars. You lingered your goodbyes with Jenn and Jordie, telling them that you'd see them come Christmas time before hopping in the back of Big Rig's car and burying yourself out of sight. The entire ride back to the dorm, you were playing countless scenarios of how you'd tell Jamie about you and Tyler, hoping that there'd be the magic one that would solve every worry you had.

Only they all ended horribly wrong.

To make matters a little more stressful, when you got to your room, Kennedy had asked if she and Big Rig could have some private time alone. You agreed because at least one of you was going to get laid after that stressful dinner. So you did what you always did, packed an overnight bag and sent Tyler a text, wondering if he'd mind some company.

Of course, be there soon! 😁 All of your boys miss you (me included if you weren't aware)

Oh also, pack a bathing suit 😏

You quickly shoved your hottest bikini into your overnight bag and wished the two lovers goodnight, not failing to remind them to stay safe because you were too young to become an aunt again. They laughed you out of your dorm room and you raced down the stairs and out towards the parking lot where you knew Tyler would be waiting.

When his headlights shined on you, you felt a little burst of happiness rush through your veins as you climbed up into his jeep and immediately greeted him with a kiss before he could even say a word. "Wow, not that I'm complaining but...what was that for?" He laughed, waiting for you to put your seatbelt on before driving away.

"For saving me from having to wait hours before I could sleep in my sinful dorm room."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Wow, sinful dorm room? Is it that bad?"

"Tyler...we barely got two steps into the room before she straight up said 'I need to get laid, can I have the room?'" You joined in with his contagious laughter. "They're lucky I love them so much."

"Well, I for one am grateful for their horny actions," he reached and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours and bringing your hands up to his mouth, kissing the back of yours. "Because now I get to spend the night with you and show you my surprise."

"Does it have anything to do with me needing to pack a bathing suit?"

He wiggled his eyebrows and kissed your hand again. "It has everything to do with a bathing suit. Speaking of," he let your hands rest on the center console. "Did you pack the...what did Kennedy call it? The raunchy red bikini?"

"Shut up, that was so embarrassing!" You leaned over and smacked his shoulder with your free hand as you felt your cheeks warm up. "And for your information...yes, yes I did. But if you keep teasing me, you won't get to see it."

Tyler coughed, this time trying his best to hide the fact that he was getting a little bashful. "There are two ways I could take that statement...and I'm not sure which one you meant."

God the two of you were practically downing in the awkward, sexual tension that surrounded you. You knew which two ways he was speaking of, too– either you don't do whatever activity involved your bathing suit, or you go full-on nude during whatever activity. And in all honesty, the thought of being naked with Tyler has been lingering in the back of your mind since the weekend when Kennedy asked if the two of you had had sex yet. 

Plus, let's be honest...you've seen his ESPN body issue shoot...and seeing him naked wasn't the worst thing in the world.

When you guys got to his house, you greeted the dogs before he could manage to usher them all away from you. He handed you your bag and kissed your cheek before nodding at you to go upstairs. "Go ahead and drop your stuff off and get dressed, then meet me outside."

The chill he sent down your spine lasted well into your trip up the stairs and into his bedroom. You could only wonder what he had planned but made sure to keep your imagination tamed as you stripped off in his bedroom and put on your bathing suit. Which, until Kennedy said so, you didn't perceive as all that raunchy. It was your favorite, simply because its fabric hugged you in all the right places– making you feel like you could take on the world...if you were going to take on the world half-naked. When you left his room and walked back down the stairs and outside, the cool night air greeted you and the light wind blew some of your hair into your face. When you looked out for Tyler, you heard mumblings of music and saw lights stationed around the jacuzzi.

Holy shit, he put fucking candles around his jacuzzi and had music playing nearby? Cheesy? Everyone else would think so. But the fact that you had just broken up with a boyfriend who never really did anything like this for you...it was cute and romantic. It got better when you walked closer to the jacuzzi to see that the little candles were electronic and you couldn't help but laugh.

"I know, I know, it looks stupid, but the wind and fire hazard," Tyler said, keeping his back to you, across the way in the jacuzzi as he adjusted the volume on the Bluetooth speaker– before turning your way and smiling. "But its the thought that counts, right?"

"Tyler, what is this?" You laughed, sliding off your shoes at the edge before stepping in.

He walked across and reached out his hand, holding onto yours and making sure you didn't fall in. "You've been studying like crazy lately, plus dealing with us needy assholes almost every day...so I decided that you need to relax."

You had to admit, the moment that your body was engulfed by the hot water and jets– you were relaxed. It felt like if Tyler wasn't holding on to your hand, you'd probably slipped under and let the water swallow you up. You never realized just how tired your body was. You sat across from him, extending your legs out and letting them float as you closed your eyes and felt the jets against your back. "Is this what you do after every game? Come here and forget your troubles?"

"Usually," he laughed, moving his arms in the water. "Though sometimes I'll take an icebath upstairs or when you're here, I just kind of chill out. It all depends on how much energy I have left."

You sighed, letting the feeling of the water take over your mind as you laid there listening to what seemed like a top 50 hits playlist. "I wish I had one of these in my dorm room. God, I think I'd go from the library to my bathroom and never leave. Studying is stupid, don't ever do it. It's hard to believe finals are only–"

"Ah, ah, ah!" He said, interrupting you and reaching out for your leg, tugging you out of your relaxed state. "No school talk. This is why we got into the jacuzzi, now come here."

You sat up and walked over to where he was. He grabbed onto your shoulders, turned you around and placed you in front of him in the space between his legs. "Loosen up and relax, Y/N. I'm not going to drown you."

You took a deep breath and sighed, closing your eyes and anticipating what he was going to do. When you felt his calloused hands on your shoulders, you stayed relaxed. Only when he started to add pressure with his thumbs did you realize what he was doing. "Okay wow, did you go to massage school or something?"

He laughed, moving towards the center of your neck. "No, but I've had enough done that I remember a few things."

You felt his breath along the back of your neck as he continued to apply pressure with his hands and dig into your shoulders with his thumbs. It felt good, really good and you had to bit down on your lip to prevent a moan from coming out of your mouth. It was one thing that Tyler was giving you a candlelit massage in his jacuzzi, but it was another thing for you to moan out just how good he was doing. Your mind wandered down the road of no return as his hands kept doing the Lord's work. You couldn't help but wonder how his hands would feel if they were touching and massaging other parts of you and how bad you wished that they would just linger a little bit lower than their current  location.

"See, now isn't this better than talking about school?"

You were too lost in your daydream until you heard the moan you'd been holding back, escape from the back of your throat. You felt embarrassed because the moment you let it happen, Tyler had paused his hand movements for only a second, before picking them back up. You sat there, biting the inside of your cheek and focusing on how fast your heart was racing against your chest.

Should you do it?

What would he do if you did?

"Fuck it," you whispered, stepping out from under Tyler's hands and turning to face him.

"What?" He laughed, "Did I suck that bad?"

You didn't say anything as you moved closer to him and crawled onto his lap. You felt his quads tighten and watched as his eyes went wide, almost as if he was too afraid to move because he was too focused on what you were doing. You were nervous as hell, never really one to make big moves like this, but you were tired of just dancing in circles with Tyler and more than anything, you were hoping that taking the leap on this one...wouldn't bite you in the ass.

You wrapped your arms around his neck before leaning in and pressing your lips solidly against his. It was like the first time he kissed you, nothing crazy, just a kiss. And when he didn't kiss you back, you felt yourself begin to get swallowed up by a hole on embarrassment. No sooner than you went to pull away, Tyler grabbed your lower back and pulled you further onto his lap, groaning quietly before kissing you again. This time his mouth moved with your own, setting the pace that you were more than pleased to follow. You were the first to tease, dragging your tongue slowly across his bottom lip before he took it up a level and teased your tongue with his own. Your fingers looped around the back of his head, tangling themselves in his curls, just as he brought one of his hands down to your hip and tugs you against him once more.

Goosebumps erupted over your entire body the moment his hands started to wander across your skin. One stayed beneath the water, constantly guiding you across his lap as the other wandered across your belly before landing on the side of one of your breasts, his thumb rubbing over the front of your top. It was like he had well-timed the entire ordeal, because the moment you moaned at the sensation coming from beneath your top, Tyler stuck his tongue back into your mouth before biting down softly on your bottom lip. When you went to kiss him again, you untangled your fingers from his curls and untying the back of your bathing suit, taking the material and blindly tossing it aside before pressing your bare chest against Tyler and kissing him harder.

You were desperate to get him to understand just how badly you wanted him and when you could feel all of him brushing against your inner thigh, you sped up your movements, rolling your hips against him as he held onto your hips tightly. "Oh Fuck Y/N," he groaned, letting his head fall away from you.

You took the opportunity to reach your hands down into the water and grab onto his swim trunks, searching for the tied strings. You started to feel embarrassed at how you couldn't find them until you felt Tyler stir and you looked up to see him staring blatantly at your chest– reaching for a breast and cupping it. "You weren't wrong," he looked up at you with his childlike smile cupping the other breast and massaging them both. "Your boobs are pretty great."

You laughed before leaning in and kissing him, running your hands down his stomach and coming to a stop, once again at the waistband on his swim trunks. "No strings, you just tug em," he pulled back and reached his hands beneath the water, shifting as you felt the fabric of his swim trunks brush against your bottom. "It's easy science."

You rolled your eyes as he brought you back into his chest and you let your hands continue their journey down his body. To your, happy, surprise, the waistband of his swim trunks was no longer blocking your way. He kissed down your neck as you felt his hands wander down to your bottoms, twirling with the strings on either side of your hips. "Yes," you breathed out before he could even ask the question, even nodding your head in case he wouldn't get the signal.

His tugs on the strings of your bottoms were in synch and you felt him pull the fabric away from your body, leaving you vulnerable and naked beneath the water and on his lap. His hands traveled down to your butt as he tugged you closer against him, to the point where you could feel his cock resting between the both of you.

As he continued his assault on your neck, one bite caused you to moan loudly and he pulled away with wide eyes and a smile. "Not going to lie, that was kind of hot, and I’m definitely a big fan of the red raunchy bikini..."

You smiled, before the reality of your situation set in and you looked down at the water. The adrenaline was running through your veins, making you feel on top of the world– this was it. You and Tyler were going to finally have sex.

"I-I've never done this before," you blurted out, swallowing the small nervous knot in your throat.

Tyler stopped kissing down your chest and pulled back, looking at you. The look on his face could only be described as one that was worrisome as his hands cradled your lower back. "I thought...I mean...you and Cole never..."

"Oh no! No, no, no, we did!" Only then did you realize what your statement had made him think and you wanted to do nothing more than drown yourself in the jacuzzi. "That ship sailed a long time ago, like a lonnnng time ago. Junior winter formal, Jack Makenzie at Jamie's cabin– post formal party. Though, don't tell him that because I kind of lied and said it would be only girls, but it was actually–"

Tyler leaned forward and kissed you softly, a hand coming up to the left side of your face and cradling it. When he pulled away, his thumb was rubbing along your cheekbone. "Relax, Y/N, it's just me. If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. We can cuddle in bed and fall asleep."

"No, I want to do this, I want this..." You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes only for a moment before looking back at him. "I want you, I just...I've never done it in a hot tub before so..."

Tyler tried so hard to hide his dire want to laugh, but as always, he failed and burst out into laughter. He kissed you once, twice and pressed his head against yours. "You're such a dork, you know that? And I love that about you."

Your heart fluttered when he said it, and while you know that he probably didn't mean the big L...it still felt the same. You pressed yourself against him and kissed him until you were out of breath. When you pulled away, you kept your forehead pressed against his as the both of you tried to catch your breath.

It should be noted that hooking up in a jacuzzi, will leave you just as breathless as the hooking up itself– and you were going to be sure to mention that to Kennedy as a lesson learned.

Tyler's hands traveled up your sides, resting on your ribs before you looked at him. His eyes were staring into yours as if he was trying to find any hint of regret– that you weren't choosing to do this because it was a spur of the moment thing. You nodded before breathing out a breathless 'yes' and his hands traveled back down to your waist and beneath the water.

You were waiting for the touch of his you'd been longing for and when it'd yet to come you looked at him to see he has a sheepish smile on his face. "Do you want to uh..." his eyes traveled to the water, "I just don't want to um...I want it to be comfortable for you and you can set it at your own pace and–"

This time, you cut him off with a kiss before laughing and nodding your head. You took a short, but deep breath as a way to calm yourself before dipping your hand beneath the water and finding Tyler's wrist. You followed it to his hand, lingering your touch against his fingers before grasping his cock in your hand. He coughed to cover up his groan at your added touch but kept his eyes on you as you positioned yourself over him.

The both of you took sharp inhales of breath as you suck down onto him, one hand grasping onto his chest as you felt your head fall back slightly in relief. You took your time, taking him in and admiring the slight burn of him stretching you out. You needed to go slow, it's been months since you've had sex and Tyler was considerably thicker and longer than Cole.

"Y/N..." He whispered, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear and kissing your neck. "You need to breathe, babe."

"Sorry, it's just...it's been a while and you're so..." His hips tugged you down softly the last few inches and you moaned, falling into his chest. "Oh fuck."

You stayed pressed against his chest, focusing on breathing as he told you too– all in the while, he was stilled within you, rubbing your sides and switching between kissing your neck and your shoulder blades. As soon as he turned his face into the crook of your neck, you relaxed and pulled back nodding your head. "You ready? Can I move?"

"Yeah," you leaned in and kissed him hard, a clash of teeth and lips before moving to his neck and nipping just below his jaw. "Go ahead."

He thrust his hips up, pushing himself further into you and hitting a spot that made your legs feel like jello. When you felt him smirk against your neck, you laughed to yourself and knew that it was game on. You weren't one to toot your own horn, but little did Tyler know, this position was your expertise. You always had Cole melted like putty in your hands whenever you topped him and unfortunately...or fortunately for Tyler, he was about to find out.

You raised your hips and circled them before sinking back down again, grinding down onto him hard. "Oh fuck that..." his head fell back as his grip on your waist loosened, giving you more control. "That feels so fucking good."

You grinned to yourself as you placed your hands on his shoulders, pushing him against the wall of the jacuzzi, earning wide eyes and a smirk from Tyler. "Oh, shit Y/N...are you trying to dominate me?"

Your only reply was a flirty grin and your hips grinding down against him harder before clenching down onto him, causing him to choke on the breath he'd been holding. As you quicken your pace, Tyler started to meet you halfway but keeping his focus on his hands massaging your breasts.

"Tyler...fuck." You moaned, pressing your face into the crook of his neck and focusing on how good he was making you feel...until a jingling sound tore you away. "Did you hear that?"

"Huh? What?" He mumbled, thrusting his hips up again, completely enamored in you to even pay attention.

You heard more jingling, this time your eyes focusing on the house. You grabbed Tyler's face and turned his head towards the backdoor. "It's coming from over there...wait..is that?"

"Oh no, you've got to be kidding me," He groaned, stilling inside you and bringing you closer to his chest as the two of you watched the three figures get closer. "No! Go, bad boys!"

The three furry Seguins came running up to the two of you, tails wagging and tongues out. Gerry attacked Tyler's face with kisses as Cash and Marshall tried their best to get to you. Tyler wrapped one arm around your waist, pulling you into him as he shooed the dogs away with the other. "Go away, you're ruining it!"

You laughed, pulling your face out of his chest before patting it. "I don't think they're going away any time soon."

He looked at you, pouting before groaning. "I just got cockblocked by my own dogs, man's best friend my ass."

"Who said we were done?" You replied, climbing off of his lap.

He raised his eyebrows and let his eyes linger on you before he tugged up his swim trunks and climbed out of the jacuzzi. He picked up a towel and unfolded it, holding it up for you.

You stepped out of the jacuzzi, easily feeling his gaze linger on you before stepping towards the towel and letting him wrap you up in it.

He picked up his towel, wrapping it around his waist and touching your elbow. "Meet me in our room while I go deal with these," he turned his attention towards the dogs, who were all sitting down and staring at you both with big smiles. "Very bad boys."

You watched as he walked the dogs back into the house and took that time to not only collect your bathing suit but to turn off all of the lights and grab the Bluetooth speaker. As you made your way into the house, you couldn't wrap your mind about what just happened. Every time you tried to, the result was always the same:

Holy shit, you just had sex with Tyler.

And the butterflies haven't left your body at the way he called his bedroom, your bedroom or how slow and gentle he had been with you. It's only been a few moments since the dogs interrupted you, but you swore that you could still feel his touch and you were more than positive that you'd never forget the way he felt. When you got to the bedroom, you walked into the bathroom and laid your bathing suit over the tub before placing the speaker onto the counter and walking back into the room.

Now it felt like a waiting game and you could feel your nerves start to return– mainly in the fear of, what if he doesn't want to continue? You were beginning to pace around the room, clinging to your towel before you saw it– his jersey. The jersey he let you wear on Halloween, the one Jamie said he was waiting to get boxed up in a shadow box. You smiled, dropping your towel and walking over to the jersey, picking it up and letting it fall down your body. As you heard his footsteps coming up the stairs, you quickly walked back over to the bed, standing at the end of it and kicked the towel away.

"I don't know how the hell they even got out! I could've sworn that I left them in the–" He stopped in the doorway, his eyes glued to you in his jersey and you could tell that he was seconds away from drooling.

"So?" You smiled, raising an eyebrow as he made his way over to you.

"I wanted to have you the first time I saw you in the jersey," he smiled, making his way over to you. "With nothing but spandex, heels, and those cute bunny ears."

"Aw shucks," you pouted jokingly, "no bunny ears."

His hands traveled up the bottom of the jersey and ran across your bare skin, coming to a stop on your hips. "I like this outfit much, much better."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling up at him. "Even without the ears?"

"Hell yeah," he replied, pulling you into him and kissing your cheek, moving down to your neck. "But I can always go and buy another pair."

"No need," you grinned as he playfully nipped your neck and you pushed him away. "Well, I think we've got too many clothes on, Seguin. What about you?"

"I think we can fix that," he replied and you watched as his childlike grin took over his face before he pounced on you, playfully tackling you onto his bed and sending you both into a giggle fit.

❒❒❒❒

When you woke up the next morning, the two of you were intertwined in mess of limbs and bedsheets. He had his face smashed into his pillow and he was drooling a little bit, add in his slight snoring and you knew that he was still sleeping hard. And you couldn't blame him, because last night was the most physical activity you had in a long time and if it wasn't for your immediate need to pee, you'd still be sleeping too. You snuck out from beneath his arm and he immediately stirred away, glaring at you with sleepy eyes. "No, come back."

"We have to get up, Ty," you groaned as he pulled you back into him. "We have to be at the arena in an hour for morning skate and we both need to shower."

His eyes shot open and he smiled at you. "Shower sex?"

"If you get up now, then–"

He practically jumped on top of you and kissed you before rolling off and running into the bathroom, stark ass naked. "I've got the water, you bring yourself and we're all set!"

"You're insatiable, Tyler!" You laughed, leaning up on your elbows and looking into the bathroom.

He peeked out from around the corner, still with a smile on his face. "I don't know what that means, but it sounds kind of hot so thank you." He disappeared back around the corner, the shower door opening. "Now get your cute ass in here so I can wash your hair."

Your time in the shower cut your 'get ready' time short, but Tyler made up for it by practically speeding to the arena. Luckily for Tyler, the morning skate wasn't going to be a normal practice, seeing as the Stars flew out to Nashville later that afternoon. When the two of you got out of the car, you told Tyler to walk ahead of you and that you'd wait for Big Rig, that way it wasn't suspicious of you to arrive with him rather than Tyler. When Tyler went to leave, Big Rig pulled up and you waved him down. You were leaning against Tyler's car when Big Rig walked up to you, adjusting the duffle bag on his shoulder. He stopped in front of you and took in your appearance before getting the biggest grin on his face.

"What's your problem, Teddy Bear?" You asked, looking back down at your phone to reply to a text from Kennedy.

"Oh yeah, you so got laid." He picked at a wet piece of your hair and smirked. "Last night and maybe some shower sex this morning I assume?"

You almost dropped your phone with how straightforward...and quite frankly correct, he was. "Don't say it so loud, you ass!" You smacked his stomach and he just laughed. "But how do you know?"

"You've got that post-sex glow," he waved his hand at you as the two of you made your way into the building. "Plus your RBF isn't as bad this morning like it always is."

"Oh shut up," You said, bumping into him as he kept laughing. "Don't think I don't know about your post-sex routine."

He gasped, looking at you with wide eyes. "She told you about that?"

You smirked and patted his chest. "We're best friends, Teddy Bear. I know everything." You eyed him up and down before patting him on the chest again and walked ahead of him.

"Wait! What do you mean everything! What did she say?"

You kept mum all while trying not to laugh as he kept begging you to spill the details on what you knew, your entire journey to the training room. And just when you were about to tell him, Jamie came jogging down the hall. "Y/N! I need you to grab my foam roller from the car, pretty please?"

"There's like five foam rollers in the room, why do you need yours?"

"Because everyone's using one and I forgot to bring it inside with me and my hamstrings are dying," he tossed you his car keys. "I'll tell Dave you're there, please!" You groaned, but ultimately agreed to go to his car and he smiled. "You're the best little sister ever!"

You turned to walk down the hallway, giving him a deadpan stare. "I'm your only little sister."

"Fine. Best sister!"

"I'm telling Jenn!"

He and Big Rig ignored your comeback and continued their way to the locker room as you made your way back out to the parking lot. On the bright side, this little detour gave you a little more time to yourself to absorb everything that happened last night, without having to do so in a room full of hockey players. Your busy night replayed in your mind and you pushed back the blush that so desperately wanted to make an appearance on your face. One thing that you couldn't help but wonder, is whether or not last night with Tyler and everything you guys did meant you were official on some kind of level.

"Nope, don't do that," you shut Jamie's car door, tucking his foam roller under your arm as you shook your head at yourself. "Don't be that girl who falls in love with a guy the moment you have sex."

Though to be fair, it was some pretty great sex. The best you've ever had and it only made sense as to how Tyler maintained to get so many girls throughout the years and kept them coming back. When you reached the training room, you stood outside of the door for only a few moments and composed yourself before opening it and walking inside.

You were immediately greeted with wild laughter and chirps being thrown left and right, the focus mainly being on Big Rig. "What's going on?" You asked, tossing Jamie his foam roller and walking over to your designated desk to grab the bands for Big Rig's stretching.

Dickinson smiled, wiggling his eyebrows in Big Rig's direction. "Oh nothing, just asking Big Rig how his trip to the zoo was."

"The zoo?" You came to a stop in front of Big Rig, handing him one end of the band. "When the hell did you go to the zoo?"

Big Rig looks at you before tugging onto the band and starting his stretches, trying his damndest to hide his blushing. "Not the literal zoo, Y/N," Pavs chimed in from across the room. "We're just pointing out how it looks like he jumped into an animal cage and got bit quite a few times."

You were confused as hell as you looked around the room to see everybody still laughing at Big Rig. When you turned your attention to him, your eyes widened the moment they landed on his neck. He had been wearing a sweatshirt beforehand, hiding the purple bruises that traveled below the shirt collar. "Holy fuck, what did she do to you?"

The boys' laughter roared again before fading as Big Rig finally looked at you with a groan. "She just wanted to celebrate the win." He tossed his towel at Rads and Dickinson. "At least I'm getting good sex, assholes."

You cringed, hitting him on the shoulder before moving towards your desk. "Please don't talk about that."

"I thought you already knew everything?" He replied, obviously mocking you.

"Yeah, but I don't need to hear YOU talk about it to your teammates, including my brother," you shuddered, shaking your head at the thought. "Ew."

"Hey Y/N, can you grab me two ibuprofen?" Jamie asked, raising his arm into the air.

You nodded and turned your attention over to the medicine cabinet, your back to the now relaxed and chattering group of men. The door opened again, followed by a whistle. "Looks like Big Rig wasn't the only one who found himself in bed with an animal, boys."

You rolled your eyes at Rad's comment, trying your best to mute out the guy talk as your eyes skimmed the shelves for the ibuprofen. "Jesus Seggy, did you and Big Rig take trips to the zoo together?" Miro chimed in, probably still a little confused at the metaphor.

"What the fuck are you on about, Miro?" Tyler asked, moving about the training room.

"Ha, got ya!" You smiled, reaching into the back of the cabinet and grabbing the bottle. You kept your focus on opening the bottle as you closed the cabinet and turned back to face the room.

"I'm talking about the sex scratches all over your back. It looks like you bedded a fucking leopard!" Dickinson laughed. You looked upon instinct to see him tugging on Tyler's shoulders and eventually forcing him to have his back faced to the room.

The moment your eyes landed on his muscled back, your body froze and the bottle of ibuprofen fell from your hands and onto the floor. Your eyes lingered on the bright red scratches that decorated the entirety of his back– evidence of your night together and just how good Tyler had made you feel.

"Let me see!"

"No, I want to see! Are they that bad?"

You watched, horrified, as his teammates kept tugging him around, trying to get a glimpse of the so-called 'sex scratches', their laughter bouncing off of the walls. Your cheeks were no doubt a deep scarlet color by now and they only got hotter when you saw Jamie bend down and pick up the ibuprofen in front of you. "Jesus Seggy, you're telling me that you didn't know those were there?" He asked, opening the bottle and grabbing two pills before handing it back to you.

"I was uh, a little distracted I guess."

You made quick eye contact with him before tucking your head into your chest and turning away, trying to prevent yourself from any more humiliation. You kept your back to the rest of the boys, looking up only for a moment to see Big Rig looking at you with a smirk. As you walked by him, you reached out and pinched his inner thigh hard, quickly rushing by him and going to the cabinet.

"Let me guess the number for the o-scale...three for four?" Pavs called out, silencing the roaring laughter.

"No fucking way, I say one and done. He's getting too old.." Dickinson chimed in, elbowing Tyler. "There's no way he can hang on that long."

You bit your tongue as an effort to prevent yourself from saying just how many times Tyler had made you cum last night, instead, choosing to focus on helping Big Rig continue his stretching– though it wasn't needed. "Yeah Seggy, tell us!" Big Rig said, keeping his eyes on you and the smirk on his face. "Three for Three? More than four?"

If looks could kill, Big Rig would be buried in a casket six feet under right now and you made sure that he knew it. You grabbed the elastic around his foot and snapped it back, only making him laugh.

"The gel's over there, Tyler. Grab it for me and I can get out those knots." Craig said, paying no mind to the conversation around him.

Tyler was turning red and rubbing the back of his neck in an effort to try and hold them off and you were silently praying that he wouldn't cave into their pressure. "Four for four..." He mumbled and you could feel his gaze scrape over you.

The hollering from the boys around him was deafening as they all congratulated him and patted him on the back. Meanwhile, it was all you could do not to die from embarrassment while dealing with the plaguing smirk coming from Big Rig.

"Damn Seggy," Jamie laughed, patting Tyler on the back like some proud dad. "You've got a real keeper there, don't you? She managed to scratch you up that bad? She must've been doing all the work for you."

Big Rig couldn't hold back his laughter anymore, making a noise that mimicked an elephant as he let go of his side of the band and fell back onto the table, clutching onto his stomach. "Oh my God," he whispered, his face turning beet red.

You were too busy focusing on anything but the nauseous feeling you started to have the moment Jamie unknowingly congratulated Tyler on having sex with you, his younger sister. "Yeah, she is..." Tyler replied.

You kept your focus on the band around Big Rig's foot, constantly tapping his shins in an attempt to try to get him to sit back up. Before he made it known, you could feel Tyler's presence and were sure of it when Big Rig finally sat up, still with a grin on his face. "Well, isn't this a lovely sight? At least I'm not the only one getting chirped."

Tyler laughed and looked at you, seeing that you were extremely embarrassed. In an effort to calm you down, he moved closer to you, pretending like he was asking you a question. "I'm sorry. I forgot they were there and I need to get scraped and I just...came in here without a shirt."

You shrug it off, focusing on Big Rig. "It's fine. Though I'll admit, hearing my brother talk about us having sex is something I never thought I'd experience." He laughed and you looked at him, leaning against the table. "So what do you need?"

"I need a lot of things," he whispered, smiling at you. "A massage like last night, for one." He scoffed when he saw you roll your eyes in reply. "Okay yeah, don't act like my massage last night didn't do something for you."

"Man," Big Rig laughed, shaking his head at the two of you. "These Copeley 206 girls, am I right Seggy?"

You pinched Big Rig again, this time on the inner knee and he flinched away from you as he and Tyler laughed. "Well, he's not lying. I mean have you seen what you and Kennedy have done to us? Ruined our beautiful, athletic bodies with your...sexual marks."

"Yeah, well if Big Rig doesn't stop and you don't stop encouraging him," you turned to Tyler and gave him a sarcastic smile, batting your eyelashes at him. "You'll be getting none of my services from last–"

"A mini towel and some gel!" Tyler blurted out, his smirk falling and his eyes looking panicked. "I just need one of those towels and the gel. Craig said it was over here somewhere with you?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head slightly. "What are you–" When you saw Tyler move his eyes to your left, you pretended to look for the stuff he needed and that's when you saw just how close Bishop was standing by your area, doing his band exercises.

You felt yourself begin to panic, but took a quiet, deep breath and exhaled before clearing your throat and bending down beneath the table, grabbing a towel. "I have towels, but the gel is probably with Dave. You must've heard him wrong."

Tyler nodded, taking the towel from you. "Probably, seeing as I didn't get much sleep last night." You saw the mischievous gleam in his eyes before he nodded at Big Rig. "Nice marks, did you cross paths with a squid?"

Before Big Rig could smack him with his free band, Tyler ran off laughing. You kept working with him, adding in new stretches until Bishop finished with his and left the training room. When you reached another point that Big Rig was done with his stretches, he leaned up and put both hands on your shoulders. "You need to breathe Y/N, because you look like you could pass out at any moment."

"I think I'm going to, what if..." You looked around the now, less crowded training room, collecting the bands from him. "What if he heard something? Anything or all of it? I'd be dead! My own brother would probably murder me with his hockey stick..maybe even his skate if he was angry enough."

"You'll be fine, Y/N." Big Rig patted your shoulders before hopping off of the table. "Bish has old man hearing, I doubt he heard anything."

He gave you a reassuring smile and you felt yourself start to relax. He was right, there was no way that Bishop could've heard your entire conversation, and now that you thought about it...he wasn't really all that close to you guys after all. Your gut feeling was wrong this time, you were sure of it.

"Hey Y/N, can you help me real quick? I just need my ankles taped." Miro asked, walking over to your table before hopping up and greeting you with a smile. "Best ankle taper in the game."

You smiled, before walking over to the cabinet and grabbing some pre-wrap and tape. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, opening them once you exhaled and closed the cabinet.

Everything was going to be fine...perfect, even.

[dothewrite]

announcement.

Hello everyone, it's Haru here.

It's certainly been a while, and for all those who're still here to read this small letter, I'm truly grateful from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry for the long absence and the silence in general on both this and my personal blog.

As you guys know, tumblr has changed a lot, very suddenly, after the banning of explicit material a few months ago, and since then the site hasn't been quite the same. I found myself on social media less, and tumblr even more so, with half the content vanished and several controversies regarding fic authors and such. It was kind of a mess. But of course, I can't simply set that up as an excuse for the fact that since the beginning of this year, things have changed for me too. I usually don't put my personal baggage onto this blog unless it's someone asking for my opinion or advice, but I thought after all this time and silence I owe the remainder of you guys some explanation.

Although the whole of 2018 was an absolute shit-show for me, things really began to change starting last Christmas, and only recently (relatively) finalized about three days ago. Mostly, it was family issues. As an East Asian, where from I think I've mentioned in some post or another, we're mostly expected to live at home until we get married (just for clarification for those from the West who're wondering what sort of bum I am for still living with my parents), so I've more or less had to live with those issues every day, every night. Divorces, weddings, financial disputes, you name it. And with all those things, came incredible financial instability in one of the top five most expensive cities to live in worldwide. So, along with that, my lovely friend called depression I'm sure you're all familiar with, I could no longer afford to sit around and pick up freelance to sustain myself whilst writing fic. Honestly, the biggest issues was that I was more or less completely dead inside, which surprisingly doesn't do much for one's creativity.

And now, having reached this time of year and this stage of supreme resignation, I don't think that I will be continuing this blog anymore.

Perhaps some of you might actually think that it's been a long time coming, and I'd agree with you, but I do want to say that it's not a spur of the moment thing--I've been mulling over it very seriously for about half a year. This blog, and all you guys, ALL of you, have been one of the very few things that kept me going in my worst years. I began this in 2016, the worst year of my life to date, and received so much support from you all that I have actually been reduced to tears. I've disappointed quite a few of you, I know, but you never gave me any shit over it and for that I'm eternally grateful. Sometimes I look back at the things I used to write, and although I can easily point out the mistakes now, I miss the person I used to be, even at my worst. I miss how all I lacked were the ideas, and had you all to help me with that. I'm sorry to have to repay all your kindness with me like this, right now. But I think that leaving you hanging in eternal hiatus is in some way worse.

I'm trying to get myself together now. To admit where I can't continue, but not to run away from its conclusion. I won't stop writing because I'm emotionally incapable of losing my final coping mechanism, and I want to return to social media again to at least find some lost joy in seeing art and fic and other people being happy about things. I'll be moving almost completely to AO3 as haruun, where I'll be able to stop worrying about exposure or followers or reblogs. Also, I'll be shifting to instagram as ‘@haruunhere’. If you don't mind some personal posts along with sparse writing, please follow me there. Although I'm more quiet there I already check instagram frequently, and I welcome all DMs.

This blog will be officially closed in two days time, on the 22nd of March 2019. I'll keep it up, nothing here will be deleted, but I will no longer be checking asks or messages here.

Finally, I just want to thank you all one last time for how much you've all given me. Thank you for talking to me, thank you for reading my things, and thank you for all the messages you've left and the comments that have honestly kept me going when I loathed every word I came out with. You are the only reason why I dared to pick up freelance, to pick up real life part time jobs as I told others that I could write. Thank you for giving me the confidence I never had in something I thought I was never good at. It changed my life.

I won't stop writing, ever. I won't disappear from fandom either, especially with Haikyuu's season 4 announced, and maybe then I'll be returning to my personal blog to fangirl with you all. But for now, this is goodbye here, and hopefully, I'll see you all around.

Thank you, and I'm sorry.

(P.S. Around two months ago, after a convo with one of you, I was motivated to tackle Ringleaders once again. So, I’ve re-plotted it completely, and have the framework basically all ready to go. It’s the project that interests me the most right now so if you’re interested in how it’ll be redone, it’ll be updated and continued on my AO3.)

[unicornsandphoenix]

Blog Birthday??!!?!!?!?!

Helloooooo alll! So not only is today my wife’s birthday (I keep saying wife and I feel like someone is gonna believe it too much someday?), but also! It is my blog birthday!!!!! Fucking shit you guys! Happy birthday to this blog! Some cool facts about this blog:

1) Today, it is 1 year old (shit my dudes, it’s real)

2) It was started purely because I had a story that I wanted to post and I was tired of not reblogging fan content but only liking, so the side blog was created

3) There are so many instrumental people who went into creating this blog oh ho ho let me tell you about it under the cut, sorry to everyone who was tagged I went ham

4) This blog has grown to have more followers than I deserve

5) Has gotten me out of some pretty bad depressive episodes

6) Is my child that I want so very much to nurture

So just.... A very big thank you goes out to everyone seeing this. Because even in indirect ways, you have all affected me and shaped me in some way. So thank you, I love you all! (And of you were tagged, even if you don’t read on, please know you affected something about this blog in the biggest way possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart <3)

If you’d like, please read to see the complete history about my time on here, but if not, I hope your day is extra happy today! Because mine was! <3

So all in all, after I got to read a ton of fanfics online as a guest on AO3, I finally made my own account that held LITERALLY nothing but bookmarked fics that I really wanted to read. When this happened, I looked to tumblr for more Harry Potter content. Since then I have two fics that I have written for fests (1 and 2), dozens of drabbles and head cannons floating around tumblr  (under #phiawrites), written 10 fics on AO3, gained a thousand followers or so, and smiled so much more often.

About two years ago, I started actively seeking out blogs. The first every drarry blog I followed religiously, with notifications and everything, was @dorthyanndrarry. Her writing INSPIRED ME, and I would stalk her writing blog daily to see if there was new content to enjoy. Next was @l0vegl0wsinthedark, who not only blew me away with writing, but also with support. She was always so so so kind to everyone, and so excited, and her presence was exactly what I wanted to be as well. Of course, with love, I had to obsess over @bixgirl1 next, and obsess I DID. Sometimes I would get so overwhelmed with notifications, I had to turn them all off, but I would always make it a habit to go back and read their blogs later.

The next big big big step for me, was Jeni. I had followed @drarrymylove for a while, and Jeni wrote such amazing and beautiful drabbles for asks, even anon asks, and I was truly so inspired by them. I would send her asks with prompts, and to my utter delight and surprise, she wrote a few out!!!! They are still my favorites, and I still read them from time to time. About 13 months ago, she sent me a message after I left a comment on something of hers, and I grabbed on and held on to the convo like a life raft on open water.

Soon after, I created this blog on January 20th, 2018. I started reblogging like a wildfire, and I could not get enough.

Next, would definitely be staganddragon (not entirely sure if she wants her new blog to be separate now, so I will keep silent on her blog name). Emily wrote amazing songs, like songs I would listen to on repeat over and over and over and over. This was all around 12 months ago, a little after I started to talk with Jeni, and I got so so so inspired by the song Tuesday Morning, that I just HAD to write. I sat down, and in one five hour sitting, cranked out my first fic. Emily was super supportive, so was Jeni (who at this time didn’t know yet that I was this blog, she thought we were two separate people), and I was riding high.

Soon after, Jeni made a post, or said something, about how there should be more fairytales for drarry, and I quite agreed, and reblogged the post saying that if she wrote one for me, I would write one for her. She agreed, and tagged my other blog only to find out it was me all along, and I went into writing my next fic(s). Jeni gifted me The Nightingale, and I gifted her my cinderella AUs that Emily graciously beta-ed and grew to be more out of control than I thought. I was hooked.

After that, things happened fairly quickly for me. I started betaing, I joined the discord, I met so many amazing people through it (especially in the sprinting section), I wrote more, I responded more to content, I created content.

I met @morgendaemmerung89 who drew me this for one of my drabbles (that I still scream about constantly)

I met @gnarf who is an absolute gem, and inspired me so so much with the fact that she essentially TAUGHT HERSELF ENGLISH TO WRITE, and wrote such heart wrenching stories like Harry Potter’s Biggest Fan 

I wrote a birthday present for carpemermaidtales, and a present for @goldentruth813 (who also was so kind and inspiring as a writer and as a supporter with every single person she interacted with. Like... I was in awe. Still am most of the time)

I made friends with @snortinglaughter by telling her we were best friends anonymously and giving her clues as to who I was through anon before she found me (which kinda might be my MO but hey, here we are right?) because Gigi was the absolute best and I was obsessed with her blog as well as her writing such as this one

I was obsessed with @decanthrope‘s ability to say such bizarre things and weave a story out of a single sentence. There is also that way the fics were written so supremely well as well. Take a look

I don’t even remember how I became friends with Jess, @nifflers-n-nargles, but her writing is amazing and I can’t for the life of me tell you how happy I am that I did, as we are married on discord now with @hogwartsfirebolt (who is the sweetest and the loveliest and all around the best ok ok she writes like a dream) Gigi, and @slashfoxes (who had her birthday on my blogs birthday so of course we were destined to be, here is some of her hot stuff)

I talked to @mzuul a few times after I sent her anonymous love letters  through the ask box because her art literally makes my heart stop beating for a few seconds so I can take in how utterly amazing it is, and low key inspired me to try to draw a little on my own

I met @foularcadebanana, whom I love with all of my heart, and literally helped me through so fuckign much its not even funny. She was my biggest supporter over the summer with some fics of mine, and I can’t tell her enough how grateful I am for her. I wrote her this little thing here, and if you haven’t read her stuff, please fucking do here is her Big Bang (yes, she did do that kudos to her)

I met @violetclarity who is a gem of a human, and me in like 4 years I have decided, who writes magNIFICENTLY so please check her out

@xx-thedarklord-xx is literally a sweetheart (though she might try and deny it) and I am still shocked that she actually talks to me because she was a BIG name to me starting off, and I ADORED her blog so much, still do, and her writing skills I would literally kill for

@jadepresley talked to me after I left one too many screaming comment on her current fic (seen here), which is absolutely wild and boggles my mind every time it happens... we are best friends now though. NO ONE CAN TAKE THAT FROM ME

@jet-playin writes the funniest and hottest things, and honestly I loved every bit of our interactions

@assassinsdragons was one of the first blogs I noticed in my notes, and everything she had to say was so incredibly kind, and she writes now tooo!!!

@saintdrarry makes absolutely stunning artwork. I am still in awe looking at it, and you should be too. I am so impressed with this gal, let me tell you, she will go places, and I am so happy to be apart of her life

I really can’t tell you how much these people have affected my life and influenced it for the better. Of course, this isn’t everyone, not even close, but just know how thrilled I was to know all of you. Thank you so so so much.

[pixiedurango]

Ursa - A Rogue’s Tale - (part 4)

part 4: In which Thorin and Ursa go shopping of some sort. 

Notes: I used the Dragon Age Inquisition character creator to give Ursa a face, ANYWAY THIS IS NOT A HOBBIT/DAI CROSSOVER Future events will loosely follow the movie version of the Hobbit, but story sets in a good part before the company meets at Bilbo’s house. Feedback, comments, reblogs and any kind of rambling about this is - like always - highly appreciated. Just drop by and start a convo. @deepestfirefun @xxbyimm @armitageadoration @thegreyberet @cd1242 @fullvoidmoon @patanghill17 @brieflyhopefulluminary @mynameisnoneya1991 @sherala007 @shikin83 @evyiione @thorincuddlez @thorins-magnificent-ass @tomssweetbouquet @abiwim @niteowlnest @maybetomorrowgirl 

4

Thorin let her sleep through the night without bothering her to take second watch. 'Just this one time' he swore to himself. Such silly acts of chivalry he impossibly could hold up for the rest of their journey.

And she would not want that either, he assumed. Her sour face greeting him in the morning was proof enough.

“You'll have to finally trust me if you want me be a part of your company, your majesty!” She grumbled, clearly mocking him.

His eyes narrowed, becoming icy and his features hardened. “Don't call me that if don't mean it!” Thorin snapped back. “And maybe you should start learning the concept of simply doing something from kindness alone. If you ever consider becoming part of my company that is.”

“Dwarves are not particularly known for kindness, you know? Simple as that.”

They stood opposite, actually mirroring each other, arms braced in front of their chests measuring each other with stubborn eyes.

Thorin finally gave in.

“Fine. Take it as you will. I don't care. Now get ready. I won't waste any more time with your follies.” With a face remaining like stone he gathered his belongings but  did not ask for his coat. Leaving it with her who still had nothing to properly cover herself other than her ripped clothes. “We head to the next village. I'll see that you get something decent to wear and then you may leave to where ever you wish.”

Strange enough it annoyed him that obviously she had changed her mind over a night's sleep, not really realizing that she never actually said she wouldn't come. But just to argue with was rejection enough right now.

How wrong he was, he slowly realized when he saw her brows furrow in a frown as she glanced over to him obviously surprised by another change of rules.

“I thought we're on our way to Hobbiton. Together? As you offered last night?” She was trying to fix her torn vest with a leather cord she had found somewhere in his bundles and when it was done in a halfway decent way she wordlessly tossed him back his coat. Now they both were puzzled but Thorin tried to overplay it while catching his cloak and it was a good distraction to gain time while putting it on.

“Yes. Of course... I... just wanted to... emphasize... that you are free to decide any time.” She realized he was rambling but was clever enough not to rub his nose in it. That was why she only gave him a broad smirk as she deliberately chose to take one of his bundles so the load to carry was shared. Of course he was about to object but her gaze silenced him.

~  ~   ~

They wandered in almost peaceful silence until they arrived at the gate of the  village. “Let me do the talking?” Ursa asked.

“Why do you think I'm new to bargaining? I make a living of selling my smithy work.” Thorin grumbled back. Why in Durin's name did everything she said sounded like she was challenging him?

“I'm certain, you'll be an excellent negotiator when it comes to your hand's work, but we're here to get me new clothes. Let me make my own choice and work for it? Please?” Without really wanting it, she went all soft for a moment and her eyes showed more of the plea than her words did.

As soon as she realized it, she looked away and mumbled something he could not understand.

He did not see why this even mattered but he agreed when he saw how important this seemed to be to her.  Halfway he expected that she would try to get a fortune out of his offer to buy herself unnecessarily pricey things but he was bound to learn different when they finally found their way to the local merchant.

She chose a pair of dark and well worn sturdy buckskin breeches. Cutting the legs would be necessary but he knew they would not find dwarf sized clothes in a human settlement. A simple tunic in an earthy green with laces to close at the collar. A darned but surely warm coat from blackish gray wool, a short padded leather jerkin mainly made of straps, laces, buckles and hidden pockets and a pair of knee high boots completed her choices.

When she finally was done negotiating, he literally had to collect his jaw from the floor. Along the way he had never been sure whether she was pulling up a fight, starting an argument, being about to leave the place without buying anything, flirting with the merchant or actually just buying something without further hassle.

The prize he finally was paying was way less than estimated and he could not help but making a somewhat approving face while they left the merchant's place.

“Impressive.” He acknowledged and she grinned over to him, happily carrying the bundle they just had purchased.

“Seems all this dwarvish blood is good for something at last.” she replied with a wink and he had to look away so she would not see how his cheeks started to burn.

She indeed had impressed him and he caught himself being more and more fascinated by her. She was lively and reckless and she surely stood her ground. And she was beautiful which he very well realized. And now she was winking at him!

But he chased away once more any such ideas. Follies! Inappropriate and so not worth a second thought. He could not divide his attention between his quest and a woman. Not to speak such an impossible one.

Thorin realized that he had been quiet for far too long now as they were still standing in front of the merchant's house and he turned towards the smithy which was right across the street.

“Let's go, see if I can sell a sword or a dagger.”

“Can I see what you have? Tell me what’s your price for each?” She asked. Clearly she was up to something but she seemed serious and not trying to mock him again. Still, her request put him on alert.

“Why should I?” He asked suspiciously narrowing his eyes.

“Let me try and sell them for you and what ever I get more than your price is, shall be mine as my commission. Everyone wins.”

It was brazen and she knew it, but on the other hand she would need coin no matter whether she would be traveling along with him and his obscure company or on her own. So better she got started soon enough to earn some because no one ever knew what tomorrow would bring and how long she would have the luxury of traveling with him.

Thorin sighed and stepped over to a waist high wall where he quickly unfolded his bundle of forged goods and gave her a quick overview of what he had to offer and how much he hoped he would earn with each of them. Keeping the prices deliberately high so hopefully he would not have to pay her too much. Or anything at all.

“Try your luck if you want.” He offered with a shrug.

Ursa nodded and pulled the bundle back together. “Wait at the tavern?”

Again he glared at her with a frown but said nothing. Turned on his heels and walked over to the house with a colorful wooden sign of a singing badger. Without looking back he stepped into the small and well frequented tavern and ordered a meal for two and two tankards of ale before he placed himself in a quiet corner from where he could keep an eye on the whole room and the door.

She would return. He was sure of that. This was her way to test his trust and he forced himself to pass it quietly waiting for her with all the patience he could summon.

It took a good amount of time but when finally the door opened and she slipped into the 'Singing Badger' he realized that his bundle was remarkably smaller and lighter and her smirk was so smug he could not help but hiding a grin himself by taking a deep sip from his tankard.

With all the calm in the world she sat down and began to eat what was her first proper meal in days but if she had thought she would make him nervous by staying silent she was mistaken.

Thorin Oakenshield, if nothing, could be stubbornly patient when he knew he would learn something anyway. So they ate in tensed silence until she could wait impossibly a single minute longer and finally pushed away her empty bowl and shoved the bundle on the table for him to check what she had been able to sell.

Three swords and no less then 5 daggers were gone. All his best pieces sold. Thorin quickly calculated and came up with an impressive amount. Which she silently placed in front of him, carefully counting each coin all into even piles so he would know she was not trying to steal from him. Thorin sat in silence and waited. To be honest, this was what he had expected. The prices he had called had been high but not unreasonable.   The interesting part was yet to come.

“Good work already.” He nodded, as he collected the coins and let them slip into the pouch he carried on his belt. “Now the intriguing part. If you don't mind to tell.”

Quickly she piled up another impressive amount of coins for him to see. Then she separated some, counted once more and shoved them over to him while she began to bind the remaining money into an old handkerchief.

Thorin frowned looking at the new pile of coin in front of him.

“What's this?” he asked calmly.

“What you borrowed me for the clothes.” She nodded towards the pile and a quick count confirmed it was exactly the amount he had paid for her earlier.

With a determined face he shoved it back towards her.

“No way. I said I'd provide for you no matter how we later decide on traveling together.” he objected.

“It's too much.” She insisted. “And since now I can pay for myself I don't want to be in your dept.”

Thorin glanced at her with a long silent look out of serious eyes. “No dept. A gift.”

“Since when dwarves are into gifts?” She asked back with a frown, trying to read his face and what was behind it. But he only remained blank and serious and so there was no way for her to guess what his intentions were.

“I don't have to explain what I do and what not. And why I do it” Thorin stubbornly insisted and shoved the pile of coins back over the table. “And now put it away! We already have drawn too much attention for too much coin we carry. Argue later if you need but for now we should just get out of here.”

At least to this she had nothing to fight about because from the corner of her keen eyes she realized he was right and so without a further word she stuffed the coins into her makeshift pouch to the others and mumbled “Let's be gone, then. But this isn't over yet.”

Thorin shook his head and got up along with her. “Yes. I know.” He sighed but with a quiet grin. It never would be.

[teamsharoncarter-archive]

Hey dude, I'm sorry if my tag give you negative impressions and it triggers problems god knows you don't want to experience. It would be hard to accept different opinions on tumblr because we're communicating in a third medium, misunderstandings are bound to happen. If people in the fandom are actually making your life hell and actually personally attack you, I'm offering ears to your story. I know how shitty people can give anxiety and maybe sharing it can ease your burden. That if you want to

I have calmed down now (who knew chores could clear your mind right?). Also, I want this ask and answer to be public so people know what happened and don’t send either of us hate or whatever. (That’s happened before so it’s for mine and your protection). But if you feel uncomfortable with that, I will gladly delete this post and send it via submission.

Hey I want to say thank you, for apologizing. I would also like to apologize. I was already in a beginnings of a manic episode that I felt in me, and when that volcano just erupted, I “spewed the lava” onto you and you didn’t deserve that so I’m sorry about that. I’m trying to do better with it. And I probably should have been more clear, I will work on that too.

Yeah the five years of being on here were hell. (In fact I have a post labeled “Five Fucking Years [link]” that is the summary of the hell - but no where near explains exactly what I’ve had to deal with.) My blog archive on this one only shows 3 years, but I had two different blogs—and a failed remake for this blog—until I remade into “teamsharoncarter” (tsc is like, my tenth url on this blog omg).

I kinda ranted about the Five Hell Years of Fandom below, it’s kinda long, so it’s under a read more.

So my Fandom Life started way back in 2012 on fanfictiondotnet, and 2013 on tumblr.

First thing negative I ever had happen to me, is that a person reported and had my fanfic deleted because I “falsely advertised on the fanfic summary” as stated on the last review before my fanfic was just Gone. FFN didn’t even warn me or back it up at all. And because people badgered me for an update because I wasn’t Spitting Out A New Chapter Every Hour, the demands made a deadline for something that wasn’t supposed to have a deadline made me worry that people would hate me if I didn’t Immediately Post Now, so I posted One Paragraph chapters that were rushed and gross, because I thought they just wanted quantity, not quality. So then I started getting Hate Reviews because it was rushed and not “proper length for a chapter.” (Thank God for James Patterson for his One Page Chapters that taught me, who cares if it’s one page? You wrote down what you wanted in the story without somehow jamming it into another chapter.)

Imaginary deadline made me anxious like a school deadline, which made me feel bad for not posting anything for months which lead to more anxiety which lead to feeling like crap everyday for not posting which eventually lead to spiraling depression.

So I left fanfictiondotnet behind me. And did a dumbass decision to join tumblr. I’ve seen other authors on FFN talk about visiting their blogs and chat with them and stuff, so I thought it would be a fun place to hang with fellow fans.

I was right for a little bit.

Then I reblogged a post that upset one of my few followers. Next thing I knew, I was getting sent messages about how I’m a menace to society for liking this one couple or something (like if I remember correctly, it was a think it was thalico - about 7 months before Nico was confirmed gay). And so because I said “fuck off” because like, 13 years old, why do you wanna worry about that stuff when all you want is fun right? So whenever I got a message from them, I’d delete it. I’d block them over and over again, because either they were using friend’s accounts or a different computer, I’ll never know. After they were Proven Right that their headcanon was canon, they were like “see! i told you!” as if it was okay for them to constantly harass me because their headcanon that a character was gay was confirmed.

What made me finally leave that blog was that I kinda got into a fight, like we did, but they twisted the words I was trying to say, which I got irrationally angry at, and they vagued me, and also not so vagued me, (which is why I don’t take kindly to that anymore) to their followers, which lead to hundreds of anons in my inbox about how I should die and should kill myself. I tried to tell the person, but they had me blocked after they vagued me, and so I had my friend tell them, but all they got was a laugh in the face about how I was childish for trying to stop what I deserved.

So I deleted that blog, remade another one, where I would just reblog, not comment, not have ask open, not post personal opinions, nothing. Just a simple reblog blog. That didn’t work either because I started to feel lonely, and the only follower I had was my sister.

So I tried FFN again, new account, new fanfic ideas, new ships, new identity, and put a link to my blog on my bio and decided to open up my ask for any convos my readers wanted for the fanfic—specifically things like theories for the next chapter. I even made sure to have three chapters ready, so I would post one chapter per week, which gave me time to write the next one, to give a nice flow. Which was a big mistake. I started to get the same “UPDATE!” messages, so I would post the next chapter anyway because I have a compulsion to please people, which restarted the spiraling because I no longer had the cushion to have more time to write. I though the update demands would shut up if I gave them three in the same day. But then, I also got hate reviews for my fanfics in my ask. About how everyone was Out Of Character or Not Together With Their OTP. And so I deleted the accounts and just started over again.

With this blog.

I started not talking to anyone but the few friends I made on my previous blog. I reblogged a lot of gen stuff, then as a month went by with nothing, no sign of hate, I decided to reblog shippy stuff, I changed my icon to my OTP.

Which upset practically everyone.

I was sent not only that I should die or kill myself, but death threats and rape threats and just weird ass shit. I get sent messages that my otp/fave character was abusive (steve/tony, fave character is tony) and that I was an abuse apologist and that I should be filled with concrete to they could “smash me into a million piece or sculp me into a human being with more decency”. So since then I just would, block anyone who I saw was even a little negative toward the things I loved, because I thought, if I put up the barricade now, they can’t get me later. But then I started showing love to other ships and characters and it would just start all over again. And then people I already had blocked would somehow find my posts, screenshot them, post it making fun of it without removing my url, then send hoards of people after me. And when asked to stop, they laughed at me more.

I changed my url, and saved the old url with a redirect to a “not found” page so they thing I deleted and I was save for awhile.

I posted a picture of me as sharon for halloween - I didn’t have a white catsuit, but I did have a vest like Sharon did in CW so I wore that (2 people recognized who I was trying to be) - and then I got this ask: “You are ugly. So is Sharon. [link]” and yeah my answer was basically “wow anon lol pathetic hate”, it still got to me?

I don’t know what has made me stick it out with this one for so long. Maybe because I have a lot of followers now, maybe because of the friends I made, maybe it’s my “fuck this fuck you i’m staying” spite. I don’t know. I just know that I’m tired.

I’m tired of defending myself and the fiction characters I love. I’m tired of constantly being told by my own invasive thoughts and by real people, that my life doesn’t equal that of a fiction characters. That fiction characters are somehow worth more than me, a living breathing human.

[pixiedurango]

Ursa - A Rogue’s tale  (part 2) - Thorin Oakenshield x OFC (human/dwarf hybrid)

Part 2 in which Thorin and the woman he saved from slavers sit around a camp fire and talk Warning: Rape mention! Words: 2.108 Ongoing events will loosely follow the movie version of the Hobbit, but sets in a good part before the company meets at Bilbo’s house.

Note: I used the Dragon Age Inquisition character creator to give Ursa a face, even though we are not allowed to create biracial characters in there but it is the only game I own with decent graphics and the ability to create female dwarves. (Anyway it results in me having an umphteenth playthrough to handle but I love my cute little new Cadash.) ANYWAY THIS IS NOT A HOBBIT/DAI CROSSOVER Feedback, comments, reblogs and any kind of rambling about this is - like always - highly appreciated. Just drop by and start a convo. @whohobbs @xxbyimm @deepestfirefun @patanghill17 @tinkertailor1212@wardenparker @sherala007 @fullvoidmoon @hannibatchsmuse @lady-jessica-9 @thorincuddlez @hariclea@fandomgalcentral @inkededucatednnerdy @mynameisnoneya1991 @maybetomorrowgirl @vaneaustation @fizzy-custard  @helluvawriter @iammhereforthefandoms @niteowlnest @cd1242 @emrfangirl 

2

They kept running for a long time and neither of them had shown any sign of exhaustion when he finally decided they were far enough from the village and deep enough in the woods to be safe for now. A large overhanging rock invited to give shelter from the still pouring rain but apart from that they still would be out in the cold and windy night. Thorin glanced over, then wordlessly opened the clasp tossing his overcoat at her as she still was wearing nothing but the torn dress.

It was way too chill a night to not taking the offered coat and so she wrapped herself into it with a quiet nod of gratitude. “I think we can dare to light a camp fire, what say you?” She asked his opinion and after a moment of consideration he nodded.

“If we find something dry enough to burn.” He was right. It had been raining probably for days so chances were low for them to find anything that would catch fire. He was looking around, picking up sticks and wood here and there but not being able to find something in the dark.

But she seemed to be keen enough to come up with some moss and dead roots from under the makeshift roof and in no time a little camp fire was painting shadows in the night and on their faces as they sat to catch some warmth and hopefully dry some of their clothes. She kept a stoic silence staring into the flames, still wrapped in his damp coat and he needed a little moment to come to terms with the fact that she obviously was used to survive in the woods. That she had outsmarted him with finding working fire wood where he had not been able to. He stubbornly shook his head chasing away those strange thoughts. They tried to survive together there was no place for thoughts of chivalry and protective behavior.

“You'll need a new dress.” His voice was nothing more than a low growl, not showing any emotions when he finally had chosen a topic hopefully far enough from the startling thoughts he just caught himself having. 

The answer though was an indifferent shrug. “I don't need a dress.”

“Well, you obviously can't walk exposed like that.” Thorin observed with a dry half-smile trying not to stare at what the ripped blouse was revealing.

“I'm not wearing dresses. I'll get me some breeches and a jerkin instead.” She declared and it was obvious this was not for debate but he only shrugged. Couldn't care less what she fancied and also his own beliefs and preferences on how women should dress and behave were not of any interest here.

“It does not matter what you want as long as you lack the coin to buy it.” Thorin observed with an amused undertone in his voice. “And you surely do not look like someone who has any savings.” The woman had no reply but the way she hung her head was answer enough. They had taken everything from her and if not for him they would have taken her honor, too. “How does a dwarven lady end up in the hands of slavers anyway?” He dared to ask and was surprised by the fire shooting from her eyes when her head snatched up to stare at him.

“I'm not...” she began but he cut her.

“You won't fool me when you can't even fool yourself.” His voice was surprisingly soft. “Just tell me. I've never met anyone like you.”

She snorted and spat into the fire. “ I'm sure you haven't. Since neither your kind nor the humans won't accept that I even exist.”

“But you do!” Thorin looked at her, realizing all the pain and struggle that showed in her eyes even though she tried to hide it. “Just tell me. How come you carry dwarven blood? It's never been known of a bond between my kin and and the other races.”

She shook her head in obvious disbelief. “You might want to have a word or two then with the pig of a dwarf that forced himself onto my mother. Considering her nothing but flesh and loot after raiding her village with his company of equally tainted fools who decided to follow the dark.” Her voice was full of bitterness and hatred and she clearly indulged in seeing the utter shock on his face.

“No! Impossible!”

Her laughter was not a joyful one but dripping from sarcasm and bitterness. “And yet here I am.”

“Has this honor lacking dwarf been held responsible for his crime?” Thorin asked, always looking for a rational solution but she only shook her head once more.

“What do you think, dreamer? A sellsword under an evil command, drunken by victory and cheap ale, forcing himself onto an innocent woman by threatening her for her life. My mother was glad to get out of this alive. When her time came and it took her three more months than it should have she began to suspect it was probably not a human who got her the bastard. Looking at the newborn... me... was her final proof. To get rid of me as fast as she could. To the nearest orphanage.”

“You're a... wonder!” He breathed but she snorted once more.

“Tell this to the people who did everything to make me believe I'm an abomination! Your kin as much as the humans. They miraculously agreed at least on that.”

There was a silence for a long moment looking into each other's eyes. And when Thorin spoke again, his words and how soft his voice went was a surprise to her and honestly to himself, too.

“What is your name, my lady?” Her eyebrows rose almost up to her hair line. “I have a name but if you keep calling me my lady I'll either die laughing or break your nose. It's not that we're noble folks around here, innit?”

Thorin's smiles were rare but her bold assumption born from unawareness made one slip. “And? Will you reveal the big secret?” he asked.

“What secret?” Her brows furrowed in puzzlement.

“Your name. My lady.” Thorin kept smiling, now even with a little tease. As much as he was used to be alone and being enough to himself, he felt an odd calm creeping up within and decided to just be for once.

“Ah...” She shrugged. Why did this dwarf confuse her so much? She hated dwarves. Even when they had such stunning blue eyes and disturbingly handsome features. Dwarves were not supposed to be handsome. They were nasty predators and known to be unkind, greedy and grumpy. “Name's Ursa.” More a growl than an actual answer. She needed to get over this weird attraction. Probably getting rid of his company all together as soon as possible. 

“I'm Thorin.” Thinking, his name would mean anything to hear clearly was a mistake and - to be honest - a ridiculous assumption. Who would have taught her? But somehow he felt like wanting her to know she was safe now. That she was back with her kin. “Thorin... Oakenshield?” He tried again, even putting it as some kind of question but her attention was still not piqued and there was no sign of recognition. She only nodded her acknowledgment and so he finally changed the subject. “Doesn't matter. But tell me, Ursa, how did you end up in the hands of slavers. You're by no means an easy target.”

Thorin wanted to know more about this extraordinary woman. Still trying to decide whether she was worth trusting her or seeing her as a potential threat who would rob him blind and disappear the second he rests his head for some sleep. Considering her as one of his kin was one thing, but trust was an entire different story. He looked at her, still waiting for an answer. She returned the gaze with one of her typical stubbornly defiant looks.

“Bad of luck?” Ursa finally offered. “Maybe a bit too... reckless?”

“How so?” Surprisingly enough he really was interested to learn how she ended up in such a parlous situation. “I've seen you fight, you're not one to get caught by a slaver just like that.”

“I was investigating for someone who's daughter had vanished and I assume someone put something in my drink.” She frowned in frustration. “I know, not very clever but who expects this kind of potions in a human village. It was something I know the elves can brew but it does not matter now. I've learned my lesson.”  

“What is it you do for a living?” Thorin wanted to know and earned himself another shrug while she was poking around in the embers with a stick she had picked up somewhere next to her. But this time the indifferent gesture came along with a tiny smirk.

“I'm a good scout. I carry things from a to b. Look into matters if people ask me to. If I really must I can pick pockets and locks but I try to earn me my bread. I usually can talk my way out of everything but if that not helps I break a few noses.” She realized another slight smile on his face on the memory of that. And to her own concern she realized that she liked that smile and wanted to see more of it. Instead of finding out why that was, she scolded herself and pushed those weird thoughts away by resuming her speech. “I fight if one pays me but I choose carefully who's side I take. Even when my belly demands different: If I smell evil scum, I run.” The way she squared her shoulders showed him some kind of pride. Rogue mercenaries were not a rare sight but those with a moral codex were. Thorin could value her honesty but still he could not fully approve. Voice calm and not even asking but telling facts. “So basically you're telling me you're a thief and ready to put your loyalties where the coin is.” 

They stared at each other once again and none of them was ready to cast their eyes. “I'm a survivor.” she eventually simply stated but the proud defiance never left her voice. “And I stand for my actions and decisions. How many people can say that of themselves?”

“So... an honorable thief then.” He gave in with another slight smile curling one corner of his mouth. “Can we agree on that?”

“Master dwarf is afraid I'd rob him butt naked while he sleeps. So better don't sleep, right?” Ursa chuckled and the sudden twinkle in her eyes showed him some kind of raw humor he was not ready for and he was glad the fire was their only source of light so she would not be able to see him blush. No one would ever see Thorin Oakenshield blush!

“You can try!” Thorin dared even before became aware how he was reacting on her. He was not a cheerful person in general and usually had not many reasons to laugh and pretend to be happy. There was only space for one thing in his life and it was reclaiming his homeland and title. But for the first time in ages he felt relaxed as if a weight was taken from his shoulders and he allowed himself this little moment of lightness to breathe.

“I already have your coat.” She reminded him but he shook his head.

“I gave it to you. No count.”

“You sure?” Unapologetic her grin as she made large doe eyes at him, appearing far more helpless than she really was and a throaty laugh escaped him.

“You did nothing like that and it wouldn't have worked!” Thorin exclaimed and now it was her to laugh a bit. It was a good sound as they both realized individually. Long missed and still unfamiliar and alien in this situation.

“Fair enough.” Ursa replied still with a grin on her face but with an honest offer. “Truce then? No tricks and no betrayal?” She reached out her right hand to seal the deal and he, without hesitation, took it to shake.

“Truce. And honesty. As long as we travel together.” Thorin offered and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Travel together? What makes you think we will do that?” Having been a loner for so long, not wanted by anyone to be around made her suspicious at once.