#i figured this app out a little we’re making progress

[raainberry]

currently looking for : INSPIRATION SOMEONE PLEASE HELP

[his-tamine]

SPIDER'S ATTEMPTING HIS VERY FIRST COMMS!!!! RAAAA!!!!! (I’m legit sooo fucking nervous - everyone point & laugh /lh)

Info below ↓ (looks like way more than it is)

- As I said, this is my first time doing commissions, so thank you in advance for your patience with me. Contact me via email (coyotespicer@gmail.com), Tumblr DMs, or Discord (eldritchwhore_) - whichever you’re most comfy with - if you’re interested! I'm also open to using other social media(s) you prefer, just let me know what. :]

I WILL draw:

NSFW (only of 18+ characters)

SFW (characters of all ages)

Fan art

Gore/Injury

Ship Art

etc. (just lmk)

I WON'T draw:

The obvious (anything hateful or illegal)

Furry (genuine skill issue on my part)

Mecha (again: skill issue)

Realism

ETC.

you can always request to see my progress, but I will show you when I am halfway finished, either way, incase you want to make any changes.

$ up front - it won't be spent until after completion.

Payments via Paypal, Cash App, or Venmo.

-

MORE INFORMATION:

If you do decide to commission me, first of all, thank you sooo much in advance! And Please keep in mind, that there is a vanilla family member currently holding and running all of the financial service apps (Paypal, Venmo, Cash App.) They do know that I draw adult content, but they do not know the specifics of what kinds of adult content (& I'd love to keep it that way lol.) So if you do decide to leave a note with your payment, please, please, PLEASE, make sure that the note is appropriate, otherwise blank is also completely fine. Have mercy on my soul, basically. If you are getting some NSFW artwork and wanna talk specifics, please do so with the email provided above (& again right here: coyotespicer@gmail.com), Tumblr DMs, Discord, etc. so that you know you are talking to me.

Also, if you contact me & don't get a response right away, my timezone is EST (I could be asleep,) and my life's been a little stressful lately to say the least. But I promise that I will get back to you ASAP. Furthermore, if there are any delays during the process of actually making your commission, I will immediately reach out to you and keep you in the loop. - major shoutouts to my homies, @indulgnc - for helping me figure everything out. He helped me with the base sheet, some common art terms that I somehow didn't know the meanings of, coming up with good prices, & basically walked me through the entire process. I would’ve been way too clueless and way too chicken shit to even attempt this without him.

and @dsnzfb - for allowing me to use a drawing I made of her ocs Cactus & Rose, as one of the examples above. I needed a good example of a colored bust-up, & dye’s color palette for her characters is so gorgeous. thank you guys for always being so supportive - y'all rock. I don't know if I can actually do anything to help dig myself & my family out of the hole we’re in with ocs, & kink art, but goddamn it, I will certainly try. -

[therandomavenger]

My Endless TBR List

I have accepted the fact that I’m going to die with an unfinished TBR list. And not just, like ‘a few books I never got to.’ We’re talking a full-on bookshelf full with dozens more sitting on the kindle.

This is not for lack of trying. I’ve actually read over fifty books so far this year. I made a goodreads challenge goal of reading 100 books in 2023, and I am on track to meet that goal. But my TBR list keeps getting longer. It’s like a literary treadmill that just keeps going faster and faster, one that I will never be able to conquer.

I have on my bookshelves and on my kindle, over 60 books I want to read. These are the books I already own in some form. The picture I posted is of my TBR shelf. I have a special bookshelf that is only books that I own in a physical format I mean to read. There are 37 books on this shelf. And there are dozens more on my kindle. This isn’t even counting books that I could check out from the library, or that I want to read someday but don’t yet own.

A couple of weeks ago I sat down and made myself a list, putting the books in some semblance of the order I intend to read them. And since then, I’ knocked about four of them off the list. I also, unfortunately, added ten more to the bottom of the list. It’s a problem.

Now, I may be an extreme example, but I think a lot of readers have this problem. One of the problems is that there are so many types of books that I enjoy. I enjoy, especially, Science Fiction, Fantasy, and non-fiction. My audiobook listening tends to be non-fiction. I, for some reason, have a block on listening to fiction. Unless it’s an amazing narrator, I cannot process fiction the same way I process the non-fiction. I made myself listen to the Kim Stanley Robinson Mars trilogy in audio and the narrator was so bad I barely got through it, and it has colored my memory of those books.

I will occasionally read a mainstream romance-adjacent book. I loved Alexis Hall’s Boyfriend Material and have Husband Material ready to go as soon as I get to it. Although, I must say, in general, I prefer to read Queer fiction written by actual queer people. There are exceptions of course.   

I try to read widely, and as this list attests, maybe it’s a little too widely. There are just so many good books out. I want to read all of them. I set the goal in my habitica app to read for at least an hour a day, and I start off with a short story. I read a bunch from Clarkesworld, the Neil Clarkes most recent Best Science Fiction of the Year, moving on to Rich Horton’s collection, which also includes fantasy. Right now, I’m making my way through the latest Writers of the Future collection. Next up is the 2022 Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy Collection.

I basically try to read everything that interests me, no matter the genre or subject, and I am interested in a great many things, which is both a blessing and a curse. I also try to switch things up. I’ll go from a sci fi series to something high fantasy then to maybe some contemporary fiction. I don’t tend to read a lot of Mystery/Thrillers anymore because I read so many of them and they all kind of blended together after a while. I also intersperse the novels and non-fiction with Graphic Novels. I just read the first three Radiant Black volumes and next is Kieron Gillen’s Once and Future  volumes. I don’t read individual issues, because that way lies madness, but the collected editions.

I feel a responsibility to do a lot of reading, because I think it informs me as a writer. I also really enjoy it, it’s not a chore. I am wary of writers who tell me they don’t read a lot. I think you need to read a lot (maybe not as much as I do, obviously) to figure out the things you want to write about. And, to settle a controversy, audiobooks absolutely do count as reading.

So, that’s my reading life right now. I’m making progress, but probably need to quit adding things to the list, at least for a little while.

[elysianslove]

secret relationship; tsukishima kei, tanaka ryūnosuke, yamamoto taketora 

requested by anon(s); their respective teams finding out about their relationships 

pairings; tsukishima kei x reader, tanaka ryūnosuke x fem!reader, yamamoto taketora x fem karasuno manager!reader

genre; fluff

warnings; none! (maybe a few curse words)

note; i’m so sorry tsukki’s so much longer than the other two oh my

tsukishima kei 

━━  in your defense, neither of you had heard the blaring alarm, and supposedly, no one else in his home had either. after having unintentionally lost track of time with your boyfriend the night prior that it had gotten a little too late for you to head home safely, you’d agreed to kei’s suggestion to spend the night, and fell asleep in his arms. that wasn’t entirely out of the ordinary. you couldn’t count on ten fingers the nights you’d spent at his home, waking up with your limbs tangled with his, despite the fact that he insisted cuddling was his least favorite thing to do. missing the alarm is what’s unusual. kei’s not the heaviest of sleepers, evident in the way he nearly tramples you every night, suffocating you to him and restricting your movements. the fact that he hadn’t heard it, and had left to ring annoyingly loud until it gave up was confusing enough. 

this wouldn’t pose as much of an issue if it weren’t for your situation. on the contrary, really; you loved nothing more than waking up at the hour you desire, kei still sound asleep by you. he always looked a lot calmer, a lot less tense, his mind a little quieter. his arms were caging you in, giving you enough freedom to tilt your head back and admire him, as his chest rose and fell gently, as his eyes fluttered lightly with the remnants of a dream. in the quiet of his room, you wondered what those golden irises could see. 

but of course, a sleepy, fuzzy, lovesick brain wasn’t a luxury for long, and the blurriness began to slip away, just as reality began catching up. your mind began to process the time that the clock that hung opposite you read (too late in the afternoon), then the day of the week (sunday, practice day), then, the cherry on top of the cake — the sound of heavy footsteps, too many footsteps, loud, familiar voices. and finally, the fact that you weren’t supposed to be where you were: in kei’s bed. 

you’d encountered his — friends on countless occasions, just never as his significant other. at first, it had left you slightly insecure, wondering if kei was somehow ashamed of you, embarrassed to be tied to you. eventually, however, you’d figured that it hadn’t been shame or embarrassment. he’s just a private person, and if anything, it’s possessiveness: the desire to keep you and all that you are to himself. not that he’d ever have to share once you were exclusive to his teammates, but it’s more that he also wants the idea and thought of you secret. he wants to luxury of calling you his to be private, just something he can enjoy. and maybe you liked the thrill of it too, seeing as you’d agreed, for the time being. you liked the rushed kisses in fear of getting caught, and the secret glances he’d offer you during school hours, and the way he held your hand beneath the table for no one but you to know about. you liked it, and you respected his wishes. 

when the footsteps drew closer, you realized just how screwed you are, and it would mean a lot worse for you to be caught slipping away through the window than to be caught in bed, so you lean up, hugging yourself tighter to him, and bring your lips by kei’s ear. shaking him slightly, you whisper, “baby, wake up. the boys are here.” 

kei rustles around, blinking slightly, before huffing and wrapping his arms tighter around you, burying his face in the crook of your neck, mumbling incoherently. 

you stifle a laugh at his clingy reaction, wishing that this was somehow being recorded. with laughter behind your tone, you repeat your words, shaking him harsher. “kei,” you drawl, whining. “kei, we’re gonna get caught.” 

he only mumbles again, breath hot on your neck. 

“tsukki! tsukki!” 

shit, nishinoya and tanaka were also here?

“kei, baby, you are going to be mortified when you wake up,” you warn, but nonetheless, you continue to hold him to you, bringing a hand up to his hair and sighing. “don’t kick me for trying to warn you.” 

the door bursts open, followed by tanaka’s sing-song voice calling out for your boyfriend. he leads the way into the bedroom, head high and eyes closed, as him and three of kei’s teammates march in. he’s oblivious to your head peeking out beneath the crook of kei’s neck, until his eyes open, his hands faltering on his hips as he finally registers your face. 

you grin up at him, fingers waving at him in greeting. “hey,” you call out cheekily. 

tanaka freezes, head cocking to the side as he’s pushed away while the other three file in. as soon as nishinoya notices you, he clamps his hand over his mouth, his mouth wide with laughter and eyes lost in shock. yamaguchi’s face is tinted red, glance frozen at you, while sugawara, ever the sadist, laughs freely and loudly. 

“so this is why he’s late?” tanaka yells in a hushed tone. 

sugawara, still laughing, grabs his phone from his jacket’s pocket, switching to the camera app quickly and lifting it up to snap a photo. you throw up a peace sign. 

“tsukki, you ass!” nishinoya shouts, leaping quickly onto the bed, forcing you and kei to shift suddenly. “get up, get up, get the fuck up!”

the boy in your arms groans, his eyes still shut tightly as he finally loosens his hold on you, rolling onto his back. a hand is lifted up to his face as he rubs away the sleep in his eyes, while nishinoya positions himself to stand directly above him, feet on either side of his hips as he leans down, peering straight at his face. 

kei’s eyes finally open, hand falling to his side in search of yours as it always does, before he looks up, and spots nishinoya sporting the cheekiest of expressions. he sighs in preparation of the teasing to come, and exhales sharply. 

“shit.”

sugawara is yet to stop laughing. 

tanaka ryūnosuke

━━  “ryu, you’re late to practice.” 

the boy in question shushes you quietly, hugging you tighter to him as he whispers out, “five more minutes,” lips brushing against the nape of your neck, down to your shoulder blades. your back is pressed to his bare chest, his arm wrapped tightly around your waist. you rest a hand on that arm, stroking it gently as you try to wake him up. 

with how the boys had been progressing with volleyball, practice hours had increased, and therefore quality time with ryu had decreased. there was a little voice in the back of your head egging him on, urging you to cuddle back into him and let him nuzzle into you more, the part of you that missed him, missed all of him. there was a more logical side of you that knew better, that acknowledged all the work and effort he’d put to get where he is today, and that didn’t want him to miss out any opportunity to grow, or to put all that effort to waste. so you sigh, gripping at his forearm tightly as you try to get away. 

“come on, babe,” you whine, attempting desperately to try and get away from him. 

“woah, ryu, you got a girl with you or something?”

you freeze. ryu freezes. the world stops. 

that had definitely been nishinoya’s voice, there was no doubt about that. and it isn’t like the both of you had kept your relationship a secret from your mutual friends deliberately. it had just never came up in conversation. maybe they were just blind, honestly. there had been no hiding it: you held hands, you hugged him tight after every win, he walked you home after evening practice after school, you hung out during school all the time. so really, it isn’t your fault that no one put two and two together. 

you’d just hoped it wouldn’t be in such a comprising situation. you don’t even have pants on.

“holy shit, you do— what the fuck!” your boyfriend’s teammates scream is piercing, and eardrum shattering. you wince at the sound, fingers tightening around ryu’s arm. once nishinoya processes what he’s seen, and who he’s seen, he storms outside of the bedroom, leaving the door ajar behind him, allowing you to listen in on his yells.

somehow, ryu’s still sleeping. 

“you guys are not going to believe what i just saw,” you hear nishinoya calling out and — holy shit, was the whole team here? was he really that late to practice? 

you manage to break free of ryu’s unrelenting grasp just as the footsteps group by your boyfriend’s bedroom door. they all walk in as you try and fix your bed hair, smiling weakly as one by one, they fill up the room. raising a hand, you sheepishly smile and wave, calling out a low, “morning everyone.” 

looking to your left, you find ryu still sleeping. with the way hinata’s bouncing over to where the two of you lay, you doubt it’ll be for long. secret was meant to be outed at some point, wasn’t it? 

yamamoto taketora 

━━  as you and your team finally arrive at your destination, nekoma high, the bus comes to a stop, parking off to the side. immediately, the boys are jumping from their seats, eager to stretch their limbs and greet their long distance friends. you, kiyoko and yachi take your time in comparison to them, gathering all your things, stretching yourselves out. yachi and kiyoko are first to leave between the three of you, working on keeping your teammates in check and making sure none drift off, while you stay behind, checking in on the bus to make sure nobody left anything behind (which you’re glad you always do, because both hinata and kageyama had forgotten their phones). stepping off the bus, you raise your arms up in a stretch, bones cracking satisfyingly. you squint up at the sun as you sigh, hand coming up to shield yourself from it. 

“shōyō, kags!” you call out, walking up to the group of boys huddled around each other, both nekoma and karasuno. “forget anything?” you place their phones in either hand, giving them playfully disapproving looks as they shamefully take it from you, red dusting their cheeks and a low sorry spilling from their lips. your expression twists into a cheerful one, and you wave them off. 

as the herd of people begins to move, you plan on following, until you hear your name yelled out loudly, in a very distinct, familiar voice. excitement overtaking you, you turn the other way, dropping your bag to the ground and jumping into the awaiting of your arms of your long distance boyfriend. 

“tora baby, i missed you!” you squeal, arms wrapping tight around his neck and legs around his waist, ankles hooked as he rocks you from side to side. he hugs you with just as much earnest, burying his face in your neck gratefully. 

he hums by your ear, pressing a wet kiss to your neck as he says, “missed you more. more than you could ever imagine.” 

you chuckle lightly to yourself, lifting your head up and leaning back to glance at him. “sap,” you tease, tilting your head closer. 

“hey, you were the one that jumped into my arms,” he argues. 

you quirk an eyebrow. “you were the one that yelled out my name and ran at me,” you retort. “like we’re in some sort of rom-com.” you’re rolling your eyes, but your heart’s beating unsteadily at the way he presses a chaste kiss to your lips. unwilling to continue your banter, having missed him, and missed kissing him too much to do so, you lift a hand to the nape of his neck and push his lips closer to yours, finally kissing him properly. 

you’re not able to enjoy it for long, feeling a hand grab at the collar of your jacket on the back of your neck. it pulls at you until you break from the kiss, until you’re forced out of your boyfriend’s arms, and stumbling onto the ground back on your feet. 

“have some decorum, manager,” daichi teases, and you roll your eyes, reaching out again for taketora. 

he takes you into his arms easily, letting you rest your head on his chest, and wrapping your arms around his waist. “he’s just jealous that we’re in love,” he jokes, and you huff out a laugh, allowing him to steer you away from the small crowd, and towards the gym, leaving your boys and his teammates behind. 

“am i the only one that’s like, shocked?” ennoshita breaks the silence. 

“really? i’m more heartbroken,” nishinoya joins in, earning a smack from daichi. 

tanaka breathes in steadily. “kiyoko-san, please don’t be next,” he pleads. 

“tanaka-san, please stop being dramatic.” 

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x7 Thoughts

“Headspace” is a very apt name for this episode, in which we learned almost no new information about the characters in Ted Lasso but learned a great deal about the way many characters’ brains work.

Most of the episodes this season have been so full of new information (if you wanna know something about how my brain works, the critique that early s2 episodes lack conflict does not compute), so full of dramatic irony (Sam and Rebecca don’t realize they’re messaging each other on Bantr! Rebecca’s voicemail to Ted doesn’t actually indicate that she spent a significant portion of time panicking and looking for him!), and misunderstandings that it was really nice to spend a bit over thirty minutes on an episode with very easily mappable plotlines.

Ted and Sharon and Therapy

Ordinarily in my little recaps I talk about the characters as real people making their own decisions, because every character on this show feels very real. But I have to take a minute to just, like, celebrate the acting in these scenes. Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis brought the perfect energy to each of their three scenes in Dr. Sharon’s office.

The drinking bird toy! The way he switches from nodding along with it to shaking his head no while the bird continues to shake its head yes, just like Ted shook his head no while saying yes, they should hire a sports psychologist! The way he finally stills the bird in the final therapy scene in the episode...but performatively throws the tissue box.

(Someone is going to need those tissues, Ted. It might be you.)

I also LOVE that this is the first time we see Sharon in an extended scene that takes place in a session. We’ve seen her rapport with the players, we’ve seen the results, and we’ve seen the things she does to make someone feel comfortable at the start of a session, and that’s all the information WE need to know to feel confident in her excellence as a psychologist. But because Ted hasn’t been able to fully appreciate those things, it’s so fitting that his sessions are a time for us to learn more about Sharon’s approach along with him.

It’s just...such good acting. The way she tells him he doesn’t need to worry. The kind of charming (but not performatively charming, just...charming) smile on his face when he claims he knows he doesn’t need to worry. And the way his voice changes a little as the conversations progress—deeper, less controlled, with some very genuine Midwestern “ma’am”s.

Sam and Rebecca and Awkwardness

Sam and Rebecca were so awkward when talking to each other in the hallway! If I had been in that hallway I would have been physically unable to stop myself from doing something even more awkward and diverting to make it stop. (I say this as someone who is neither disgusted by or delighted by the direction of the Bantr storyline. This is a good story about two good people who are in very different places in their lives existing in both a manufactured connection and the real, and very different, connection they have when they aren’t glued to their phones. This story is supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.)

I did like the parallels of their friends sort of urging them on/coaching them through the inherent panic of the three dots that appear and disappear—a source of panic whether you’re the one creating the dots on the other screen or watching them and feeling at their mercy.

I like that in this episode both Ted and Rebecca are loudly broadcasting “I AM NOT IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP”—Ted with his rueful awareness that Michelle would be upset if she heard him still referring to her as his wife, Rebecca with her insistence that relationships are doomed and awful even though she’s talking to two people (Keeley and Higgins) in committed relationships.

Roy and Keeley and Space

This plot was a really wonderful...counterpoint? complement? to the places both Ted and Rebecca are in as Ted starts to come to terms with the fact that he’s going to have to deal with his past and the losses he’s suffered (including the loss of his marriage) and as Rebecca questions whether she’s really going to embark on the next phase of a relationship with someone whose identity she does not know.

Because Ted and Rebecca are stuck apart, it was great to see Keeley struggle with needing space from Roy without worrying for a second about whether or not this challenge was a threat to their relationship. (Keeley and Roy aren’t used to long haul relationships, so they both see it as a threat, but the audience doesn’t have to.)

There was so much going on in that boot room. I love the coexisting realities there—Rebecca and Keeley and Higgins treating the boot room as their personal room for secret smoking, but as the crowd grows all these other unspoken dynamics emerge (it’s been two days since the panic attack and this is the first time we see Ted and Rebecca in the same room and there’s no evidence that they’ve talked about what happened with the panic attack or Rebecca’s parents or any of the big stuff).

Everything about Keeley’s plotline this episode reminded me of how Ted and Keeley are so similar (and, to a lesser extent, Rebecca and Roy are so similar). Rebecca and Roy both tend to write things off (Rebecca is so certain any relationship she has will be doomed, but it’s just because of how hurt she already is; Roy wanted to convince himself he was happier as a pundit than as a coach, but it’s just because he was scared of how much he wanted to be back on on the pitch), only able to deal with things when a safe person like Ted or Keeley sort of startles growth out of them. (We talk a lot about how Rebecca should be in therapy, but Roy should too.) And Ted and Keeley! Everything’s great, everything’s sunny, but look at how Keeley stands on her couch and screams in sadness and anger when she blows up at Roy and he leaves.

This time, things work out between Roy and Keeley because he figures out what Keeley was trying to communicate and respects what she needs, but in the future she’s going to have to figure out how to articulate herself more clearly. (And so will Ted...not only in therapy with Sharon, but as everything with the other coaches and the team and Will and basically everyone in his life come to light.)

Nate and Beard and Twitter-Insecurity-Rage

Ahhhhhhhhh.

This plotline made me feel almost as nervous for Ted (the things he doesn’t know) and Beard (the things he knows) as it did for Nate and Colin and Will and everyone.

At first I was really bothered by the repetition of Nate checking Twitter. We know! He’s on Twitter a lot now that he’s semi-famous! He’s obsessed! But then it occurred to me that it’s extremely perfect that Nate checking Twitter becomes this silent refrain building him up or tearing him down based on the latest 280-character compliment or take-down. Because this is how the internet works! You get obsessed with something on it and then check it a million times per day until you feel sick. It could be a dating app, or a trending story, or almost anything. If you check it often enough, the internet won’t even have anything truly new for you...it just feels like it does. So the repetition of Nate scrolling Twitter wasn’t meant to deliver us new information, but rather to mimic the old information coming through again and again.

I feel so deeply for Nate, who’s brilliant about football but unfit to coach because the power dynamics of coaching are a totally foreign concept to someone like him, who relies entirely on external inputs to take his actions. Ted and Beard and Roy all go and learn things and bring them back to the pitch, but none of them have had the capacity to teach Nate how to do this. Even Nate’s private thoughts, which he wrote down during s1, only come to light when Ted prompts him. And when your external inputs are coming from social media and an unappreciative father and a hyper-awareness of insult after years spent on the receiving end of bullying...it’s very dangerous. Maybe even literally physically dangerous.

I also feel so deeply for everyone who interacts with Nate right now, particularly Will.

Some Bonus but Never Extraneous Trent Crimm

Trent in the pub made me NERVOUS. Seeing him in this new place where Ted goes to wind down, almost coaching Ted through lying to him about having had food poisoning?! When they both clearly know that isn’t what happened?!?

It felt very fitting that this uncomfortable yet kind-of-mercifully-executed lie takes place towards the end of an episode full of such positive and negative growth for the characters. Such movement. It felt all wrong (in a good way), like covering something new and smooth and precious with spackle because maybe you actually wanna paint something else after all even though it won’t serve you in the long run to do it. To paraphrase Dr. Sharon, the truth will set you free but first it will piss you off, and Ted’s conversation with Trent is a reminder of all the layers there are to cut through on the way to the truth.

If Apple TV could simply release 2x8 - 2x12 this week, I would bargain with something crazy and miserable like giving up caffeine until October 8, the air date for the season finale. I continue to love this season and to feel the serenity of watching excellent actors execute on excellent scripts...but we’re getting to the point where the momentum’s built up and is heading to ever-scarier places, and I neeeeeeeeeed to knoooooooow.

[korgbelmont]

Choices Insiders July 2022

So here we are once more. Lets look over this months Insiders!

RAMBLE ALERT!

I selected Gabe for this. I know we've only had the first two chapters with the wide release yesterday, but I really like her character and will definitely be playing her romance route.

Need a little more drama in your life? Or maybe some adorable twin sidekicks? The Nanny Affair 3 is now in-app and is releasing weekly on Fridays for all!

So I was mostly curious about how they were going to explain Addison was still alive which they have done. I'll be interested to see how the rest of the book plays out.

Do you like talking bears? 'Cause we've got plenty of talking bears. The Cursed Heart is now releasing for all players weekly on Wednesdays!

I am enjoying the Cursed Heart, it's interesting how they've gone about explaining some of the lore through the storypages. I haven't been selecting the flame options which does make the book more enjoyable for me.

Alongside The Cursed Heart, we've got the Immortal Desires soundtrack to celebrate yesterday's (June 6th) Wide Release debut!

Although we've only had the two chapters, I am enjoying Immortal Desires. I'm definitely interested to see how this book will play out and what the two Vamps at the beginning have to do with it all.

Yeehaw! Untameable’s VIP Finale was last month and word on the ranch is that we’re getting a book 2. And if you can handle more excitement, Surrender had its VIP and Wide Release finales and will ALSO be receiving a sequel! You get a sequel and you get a sequel!

I feel like I've said in previous posts all I can about Surrender BK1, so I'll leave that. I was actually slightly surprised to see that Untameable got a sequel greenlit, Curious to see what that will be like. Kit has grown on me throughout the chapters and like how they've developed her character.

Get ready for this month’s VIP release, Murder at Homecoming! Will your special night go swimmingly? Or will you struggle to keep your head above water? 

In anticipation for launch day, we dug through the evidence room and got some sneak peeks for you:

So I'm wondering what the green is that was used to write that. And I'm guessing maybe the razor is the murder weapon or something.

While we take all that in, let’s check on the coded message we received from the book team:

We’re stumped. Time to bust out your detective skills and solve this one for us

I've said before I'm useless with these emoji puzzle things, so not going to try and figure this out. Best I can do is the first two maybe being about the titular Homecoming, but that's it.

Going based on the description on the app store for Murder at Homecoming, I'm guessing that there may be some kind of high up links to it all or something. We'll see when it arrives.

And last, but not least… The definition of BTS: A work-in-progress art sneak peak for you!

I have seen the fully finished cover, and it does look like that we will be playing as a student MC for this book.

Any news about Blades of Light and Shadow 2? The anticipated sequel to Blades is currently in pre-production. We do not have a specific release time for the book, but rest assured, it is coming and we will update the community once we have more information.

There's not really much I can say about Blades II at the moment as we don't have any information and I can only speculate.

No new VIP titles, so there isn't really much that can be said there. It looks like we won't be getting a book publicly in August, but the Autumn looks like it is lining up to be quite interesting.

Surrender BK2 is earlier than I thought it would be, didn't expect that until maybe middle of next year, but there we are.

We’re looking forward to the launch days of The Phantom Agent, Kiss of Death, and Guinevere, and the excitement doesn’t stop there. Make sure to keep an eye out for evidence, suspects, and sneak peeks as we release more details about Murder at Homecoming. How will you search for justice during the night of your life?

I'm going to do a separate post about Murder at Homecoming's release and talk a bit about The Princess Swap as well. So for now that's it for this month.

Hope everyone is doing well and keeping safe!

[finchleaf]

howdy! sorry i've been away for so long; i've been visiting family here in turkey but i'm gonna try to start this blog back up :) for now it'll mostly be journal pics

24th july - would you prefer your summer to be shorter or longer?

honestly? maybe a bit shorter. i feel like the days tend to blur together during summer break and not having school to focus on seems to make my mental health even worse :/ anyways! i'm very excited for senior year as you can tell haha

answering the rest down below!

1st July - What are your plans for this summer?

lots of traveling, working as a camp counselor in august, makin some sweet sweet money to save up for college, playing the new sims expansion pack (!!), and hanging out with friends as much as possible before schoolwork begins to bury me alive again :)

2nd July - Do you have a specific goal for this summer?

i want to study really well for my sat in late august!! (i’ve already made some great progress) also i want to get a lot of college app stuff out of the way (write some more practice essays bc i don’t like my current one, get my letters of rec in place, figure out my major, etc)

3rd July - Do you have a lot of work to do for school, university or your job this summer?

ooo ok we have to read a book and write an assignment for it for ap lit this year (except i think we start that once we get back to school?). also i need to do a bunch of summer hw for ap calc, but that’s pretty much it! and then i have a job for 2 weeks in august (as mentioned above hehe)

4th July - What is the most important task that you need to complete this summer?

probably college app stuff ahhh don’t want to even think about it anymore

5th July -  Do you have any special plans or activities for this summer?

traveling to turkey to see my family!! staying in a couple of villas (there’s a lot of us!) and then my grandma’s old summer apartment for ~5 days

6th July - What do you usually do during the summer? Is anything different this year?

going to turkey! a lifelong tradition since i was a lil baby :) last year we couldn’t go so this year’s extra special. also my first time doin a summer job!!

7th July - What did you do during the summer when you were a young child?

^^^ same as above haha

8th July - What’s your happiest summer memory from your childhood?

ooh probably one of the many from my grandma’s little summer apartment here. i have an 11 yo cousin so we share a lot of memories like running to buy our anneanne her newspaper in the convenience store downstairs, finding fish underwater at the local beach, staying up late gorging on magnum ice cream bars :)

9th July - Do you usually go on vacation during the summer?

yup

10th July - What is the best vacation you have ever been on? (note: doesn’t have to be a summer vacation)

oooh one time after flying into istanbul to stay with aforementioned cousin and my aunt, we all traveled to london for about a week! i loved that so so much, we never could really afford to go anywhere else for vacation so that was super memorable for me.

11th July - What is your favourite vacation memory?

swimming with my family in oludeniz, (called “blue lagoon”) a super pretty beach area. we swam to a little island and then jumped off its cliff :)))

12th July - What is the worst vacation you have ever been on?

oh god ok vomit tw for this one but one time my aunt, cousin, mom, and i traveled back to istanbul after staying at my grandma’s in ayvalik and we had to take a boat for a couple of hours. everyone on the boat (and it was a big one) for some reason started vomiting everywhere. i was i think the only one who wasn’t sick so it was hell haha

13th July - What is your dream vacation?

like a month-long roadtrip around france!!!! i’ve wanted to go there since i was in elementary school

14th July - Would you rather stay in one resort for a month or travel across the country for one month?

definitely travel cross country omg

15th July - Are there any special events for you in the summer? (for example, birthdays, festivals, etc.)

bayram!! bayram is sick you get money for kissing the older people in your family sjfdsjj

16th July - Do you have any summer traditions?

renting a villa with the entire family!

17th July - What is your typical daily routine in the summer?

at home, i usually wake up anywhere from 7am to 10am, take my dog for 2+ walks, read a ton, and avoid work ;)

18th July -  How do you stay motivated during the summer? (for example, to study)

it’s pretty tough! i’m hoping to study daily in my town’s library for my sat once i get back home in august. i think that’ll be pretty handy!

19th July - Do you stay indoors or outdoors more in the summer?

oh outdoors there’s no ac here so we’re constantly heading over to the beach

but at home in the us, probably indoors

20th July - Are you a ‘summer person’?

nOOOOOO i love any season/month that allows me to wear sweaters and pants, so obviously i’m not a big fan of summer

21st July - What is an unpopular opinion that you have about summer?

oh hm i’m not sure... most of the women in my family always wear bikinis when we go to the beach and i just really hate them? idk haha

also i think summer camps are kinda weird but that’s probably because i never went to one as a kid

22nd July - What does summer feel like where you live?

rather cool in the later afternoon. i also love how it smells there-- lots of freshly-cut lawns, grills constantly being used, the hydrangeas in our backyard

23rd July - Would you prefer summer to be hotter or colder than it usually is for you?

oh huh it can get reaaally hot midday so it would be nice if it was a bit cooler 

[makabunni]

Korean Fast Track 1

This is meant to be challenging. I’ll be posting more resources over time while I do this myself, keep that in mind.The goal is to be around B1, kind of in the sweet spot between A2-B1 or approaching B1 by the end of this. But don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t by the end!

NOTE: The quizzes currently have a response limit because of the site used but I am currently working on replacing them with different links & printouts <3 If you run into an issue and need me to send you the quiz questions, just let me know. 

Make sure you read all the additional text here carefully as there’s a whole lot of resources coming!

Things you’ll need:

A language learning app that includes Korean. I don’t care what app you use but it needs to have grammar and vocabulary. Like duolingo, lingodeer etc! You choose. You’ll be doing the light workload on this app.

Flashcard app! Anki and quizlet are the top two. 

Basic supplies for taking notes & learning like a notebook and a pen. If you want to do these digitally, go for it. 

Hinative or Hellotalk! These are apps/sites to speak with native speakers, ask questions, and get help with pronunciation. 

If you do not know how to read the Korean alphabet, learn that before you start this fast track. It can be done in less than three hours. 

Talk to me in korean (TTMIK) account

How to study korean (HTSK)

Daily tasks:

One small lesson on your language app, best done in the morning right after you’ve woken up and started your day. 

Listen to a short audio in Korean 1-5 times per day. This can be a song or you can watch a whole ass k-drama episode. I don’t care what it is lol!

Vocab vocab vocab! Go through your vocabulary flashcards ONCE OR TWICE every day! use the “learn” option on quizlet for easier learning. (You should be reviewing the vocabulary for that day twice per day, not ALL of your collective vocab.)

Week One Assignments:

Do this in whatever order you’d like, but leave the quiz & end of week assignment for the end. ABBREVIATIONS: HN/HT = hinative/hellotalk

TTMIK Level 1 : All 26 Lessons ! I personally don’t listen to them, I just read the lesson. This is up to you, I recommend taking light notes 

HTSK Unit 1 Lessons 1-8 Vocabulary; Put all of the given vocabulary words into your flashcard app / make flashcards and run through them. Use this site to help explain things that you might not completely understand from TTMIK as HTSK is more in depth. 

6 pronunciation posts on HN/HT for critique, provide a dialogue typed out so they’re aware of what you’re trying to say. 

Watch Test your Korean Listening Level 1  and evaluate.

End of week assignment: Review all of your vocabulary once and take the Week One Quiz !

Week Two Assignments:

Refer back to week one’s assignments if you have issues figuring out how you’re supposed to use certain sites. For this week we are going to be doing the same thing we did last week with TTMIK and HTSK!

TTMIK Level 2 : All 30 Lessons ! Vocab & Notes

HTSK Unit 1 Lesson 9; Vocabulary & Refresh

3 pronunciation posts on HN/HT for critique; provide dialogue.

2 text posts on HN/HTto be corrected by natives; must be at least 4 sentences. 

Reply to 5 native Korean’ speakers on HN/HT 

Watch Test your Korean Listening Level 1 and evaluate again.

Listen to your favorite Disney song in Korean

Watch 12 Grammar Points In One Sentence and take a few notes.

Read This Post ; Take notes & Create a flashcard set (learn them)

End of week assignment: Review all of your vocabulary, refresh on any grammar you’re uncomfy with Week Two Quiz! (this one is tiny)

Week Three Assignments:

Get ready to cram some phrases and such in this week. This week is all about progress with speaking. You’ll be focusing on learning how to create sentences that make sense & gathering the necessary vocabulary and grammar to do that is a train wreck. Buckle up. 

TTMIK Level 3 : All 30 Lessons! Vocab & Notes

HTSK : Only used to clarify what you don’t understand with TTMIK

Korean Slang Post : Make flashcards and learn

Korean Ordering Post : Make flashcards and learn

Write down everything you do one day (e.g. watch tv, go to the bathroom, cook) you need at LEAST 10 things. Now write it in Korean. Learn these phrases and words. 

Post 5 pronunciation posts to HN/HT for critique

Reply to 15 natives in Korean  on HN/HT

Post 7 text posts on HN/HT that must be 4 sentences or more. Try to use the vocabulary you’ve learned this week. If you don’t know how to say it/write it, look it up and add it to your notes and flashcards

Make a flashcard deck for the food you commonly eat. 

Watch Test Your Korean Listening Level 2 and evaluate

Watch 30 Fun and Useful Korean Phrases   and learn what you can.

End of week assignment: Review all of your vocabulary, refresh on your grammar.  No quiz yet! It’s on the way!

Week Four Assignments: 

Home stretch for this damned thing. It might be a little intense but it’s necessary for progression. Be prepared to do a LOT of practice. We’re once again heading towards sentence building. 

TTMIK Level 4 : All 30 lessons. Vocabulary & Notes. 

TTMIK Level 5: Lessons 1-5. Notes.

HTSK is used for clarification on stuff you don’t understand & vocab if you need it. 

Post at least one text post to HN/HT per day in Korean with at least 3 sentences. Adding a picture gives it extra flavor keke

Reply to at least 3 people per DAY on HN/HT in Korean. 

One pronunciation post per DAY on HN/HT with dialogue for critique

Watch an episode of something or a korean youtuber in korean without subtitles, you don’t need to pay attention but it needs to be in the background. Do this once per day.

Review vocabulary and brush up on any grammar you’re having trouble with. 

Watch 30 Advanced Korean Words and learn them.

Try to “test unlock” levels on duolingo/lingodeer/whatever app you use to see how far you’ve advanced. 

No quiz yet! It’s on the way!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:

They’re not super aesthetically pleasing, sorry! I don’t have time to spend an hour per worksheet right now OTL. I’ll make more and keep updating this post!  <3

Week One Korean “Write in the blank” Worksheet

Week One Korean Vocabulary Worksheet  (KEY)

Week One Korean Worksheet 2

Week Two Anagram Game! (Scroll down! The other two have some glitches because of the Korean uwu)

I also recommend This Study App ! I'll be uploading all of the notes, PDFs, etc here  :D This way even if you can't print it out you CAN annotate the PDF, have my flashcards, notes, summaries etc! 

Here’s the Study Group Link to the App mentioned above! All notes, flashcards, etc will be there as resources for everyone.  I recommend making your own flashcards on quizlet/anki/here too but if you don’t have time to make all of them, I will be making resources available

QUIZLET FLASHCARD SETS (in progress, will update over time)

I found THIS PDF of TTMIK levels 1-9 :D If you can't study online daily, download this so you don't have to download ALL of them individually

If this is too difficult don’t push yourself too hard. Don’t be afraid to search tumblr for fun stuff too! This is supposed to be a fun challenge !!!

Make sure you come back to my blog for all the post updates for more material like games, worksheets, flashcards, etc !

[cuddlepilefics]

Laryngitis

Fandom: Stray Kids

Sickie: Jisung

Caregiver: Minho

Prompt @sicktember

No one's POV.:

Ever since Jisung had woken up that morning, he had been incredibly quiet. To Minho that was truly unsettling, knowing the younger was usually loud and energetic. If he really thought about it, his dongsaeng had already started to act a little off during the previous day but that had been nothing in comparison to how he acted now. The dancer was at a loss. If something was wrong, Jisung would come talk to him, right? Wracking his brain, Minho tried to find a possible explanation for the rapper's behavior. They had spent most of the previous day together and although he had been quiet, Jisung hadn't necessarily seemed down. There also had been no incident that could have sparked the younger's anxiety, at least not that Minho knew of. And yet, the rapper had avoided talking to any of his members and had even gone out of his way to avoid having breakfast. Something wasn't right and Minho was determined to figure out what it was.

Over the course of the previous day, Jisung's throat had started to bother him. At first it was only a light ache and he figured he must have strained it during his vocal practice earlier. The longer the day progressed though, the worse the pain got and by the time evening rolled around, he limited himself to only saying the bare minimum, mostly answering questions by nodding or shaking his head. Talking hurt, as did swallowing but he figured he'd be fine after just resting his voice for a while. He knew he had to stay hydrated and fought to drink a glass of water before going to bed no matter how badly swallowing hurt. The water hadn't helped much, except force him to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. When he woke up in the morning, his throat was at least as sore as before, if not worse. Talking seemed like an impossible task and barely being able to force down a few sips of water, Jisung didn't even dare to think about having breakfast. Still, he thought he had done a remotely good job at playing it off but apparently, he didn't.

Feeling a bit shivery, Jisung used the time while his group ate breakfast to bundle up in a warm, oversized sweater and wrap a big, fluffy scarf around his neck. He could just pretend it completed the outfit besides, it was cold outside anyway. The rapper was so deep in thought that he didn't even hear Minho slipping into his room. "Sung", the older spoke up, chuckling when Jisung startled, "Sorry, didn't want to scare you but I have to talk to you." Jisung nodded his head as an invitation to continue. "You've been acting a bit off and I wanted to see if everything's alright. Didn't think calling you out in front of everyone would be a good idea, so I tried to catch you alone", Minho hummed, sitting down on his dongsaeng's bed. Jisung couldn't help the small smile that played around his lips. He wasn't happy that someone had caught on, yet his hyung was considerate enough to ask him in privacy. Plopping down on his bed next to the dancer, Jisung rasped: "I-I can't really talk, my voice is shot." �� "Ohh, that's why you've been so quiet?", Minho concluded, eyes wide with realization. The younger nodded, smiling at his hyung's surprised face. Tapping his chin, the dancer frowned: "That really doesn't sound good though. Want me to talk to Chan-hyung and ask if you can stay home today?" Jisung shook his head. Yeah, he felt a bit cold and tired but aside from his throat hurting, he didn't really feel sick, so there was no reason to miss out on work. "We have dance practice though. I mean it's better than singing for you right now but probably not the best activity for you while sick", Minho reminded, making the younger frown. Maybe he felt a bit more tired than he wanted to let on. Still, that didn't mean he could easily skip. Noticing Jisung's hesitation, the dancer added: "I won't let you go there without eating breakfast. It's going to be challenging and you need the energy." – "Hyung, my throat hurts so bad, I can't even drink water", the rapper forced out, voice barely above a whisper. Looking at the younger in shock, Minho shook his head and insisted: "Sorry but I'm definitely talking to Chan-hyung now. I hadn't realized it was this bad."

Minho had already disappeared before Jisung could argue back. Not that he'd really have enough voice left to do so anyway. Sighing, the rapper pulled out his phone to pass the time till his hyung would come back. When Minho came back, he brought Chan with him, who gave his dongsaeng a long scrutinizing look before asking: "Minho said you weren't feeling well, can you tell me what exactly is bothering me?" Not in the mood to torture himself again, Jisung pointed at his throat, so Minho recounted what the younger had told him. Biting his lip, Chan stepped forward and placed his palm against the rapper's forehead. "Well, you also have a slight fever and considering we're dancing today, I'd rather have you sit out today", the leader frowned. Watching Jisung stiffen and open his mouth to argue, the Aussie added: "Let me rephrase that, you are staying home today. Since I don't trust you to rest, Minho will stay here and keep an eye on you. He has aced the choreography already anyways." Now looking downright offended, Jisung pouted at his hyungs. He wasn't that sick and he really doubted he had a fever. "Come on, am I really that bad?", Minho asked in mock-hurt, clutching one hand to his chest. The rapper could only roll his eyes at that. Great, he'd be stuck with the other for the rest of the day.

When the rest of the group had left for practice, Jisung didn't feel as annoyed by Minho's presence anymore. He was starting to feel run-down. Too run-down to really do much but too awake to take a nap. The rapper figured having some company wasn't so bad after all. Especially when the older got comfortable on the couch with Jisung's head in his lap and let the younger choose which movie they'd be watching. Jisung decided on Howl's moving castle and relaxed, while his hyung's hands carded through his hair. When the movie was over though, Minho insisted that the rapper had to eat something. Jisung couldn't help but cringe at the thought of forcing anything down. Seeing the horror flash across his dongsaeng's face, the dancer sighed and got up, so the younger was left to pout after his hyung who was now bustling in the kitchen. Why couldn't the older just continue playing with his hair? Minho was gone for a few minutes, so Jisung made his way back to his room and collected his fluffy blanket. He had started to feel colder and wanted to be comfy for their second movie of the day.

When Minho joined him, he was only carrying a tea pot and a cup, agreeing: "It's okay if you really don't want food right now but will you drink your tea if I add extra honey?" Giving a small smile, Jisung nodded, glad that his hyung was so understanding. "Can we watch another movie though?", the rapper rasped, grimacing in pain. Shaking his head at his dongsaeng, Minho sat down and let the younger lay on his lap again, warning: "Yeah, we can but don't talk, your throat is getting worse." Jisung was satisfied with that and got comfortable. He started to drift off around halfway in but the dancer never stopped running his fingers through his hair. He even let the younger nap on him when the movie was already over and only shifted him out of his lap when lunchtime came around. Having had an early breakfast, Minho was hungry and decided to eat a bite while his dongsaeng slept. The rapper would have to eat something soon too and this time, Minho wouldn't let him get out of it. He understood that it hurt but if it hurt this badly, it wouldn't be better anytime soon and Jisung couldn't go completely without food until he recovered.

Minho had just finished doing the dishes when he heard shuffling from the couch. Quietly making his way over, he sat down next to his dongsaeng and ran a hand through his hair before feeling his forehead. Surprisingly, the rapper barely had a fever. "Hey, how do you feel after your nap?", he hummed softly, when Jisung sleepily blinked up at him. Sitting up, the younger shook his head before a single tear trailed down his cheek. Brushing it away, Minho frowned: "Is it getting worse?" Jisung nodded, bringing one hand up to massage his throat. "Sung, I don't know but I'm really worried. I think you should see a doctor. You can't eat, you can barely drink, .... This seems serious. Singing is part of your life, so you should be mindful of your voice and take good care of it", the dancer sighed, tired of seeing his friend in so much pain. Rubbing his face, Jisung reached for his cup. The tea had long since gone cold but he wanted to try. If he couldn't drink properly, he'd listen to his hyung's advice. Taking a tentative sip, the rapper almost choked on it and gave a painful cough that brought tears to his eyes. There was no reason to lie anymore, he felt downright awful. Pulling out his phone, he opened a notes app and typed that he'd gladly go see a doctor because he couldn't stand the pain anymore and was starting to feel hungry too. "Do you want me to come with me? I don't mind coming with you but if you're alright by yourself, I'll use the time to make you some soup", Minho offered, "Maybe you'll get something for the pain, so you can eat when you get back." Smiling slightly, Jisung typed that he'd be fine by himself and that he'd hope to be able to eat some of his hyung's soup. The dancer nodded and fixed his dongsaeng's scarf for him, reminding: "Get back safely, yeah?" Nodding, the younger bundled up in a thick coat and left the dorm.

Turning on some soft music as a distraction from the pressing silence at the dorm, Minho busied himself in the kitchen. He had texted his mother for a suitable soup recipe, wanting nothing more than to nurse his dongsaeng back to health. The dancer was a bit worried about sending the younger out by himself and not going with him but tried not to think about it. He just hoped whatever was wrong with the rapper wouldn't be too serious. As the soup simmered, he made his way to the living room to clean up a bit. He'd make some fresh tea and spotting the blanket on the couch, Minho took it to the bathroom and threw it into the wash. Adding in a generous amount of fabric softener, he left the bathroom. He'd throw it into the drier as soon as Jisung would text him that he was on his way home, so that he'd have a nice and warm blanket to curl up under after having to go out in the cold. As he absentmindedly stirred the soup, his phone dinged. Jisung texted him that he was on his way back. He had been diagnosed with laryngitis should avoid straining his voice too much. He had also gotten a prescription for a numbing throat spray, so he'd be able to eat something when he got home and was looking forward to his hyung's cooking. Minho couldn't help a loving smile spreading on his lips and went to throw the blanket into the drier.

When he made his way back to the kitchen, he heard the front door click. Walking over there, he was startled by Jisung throwing himself at him. Minho returned the hug as the younger clung to him and smiled when his dongsaeng lifted his head to look at him. Opening his mouth to say something, the rapper was cut off by Minho reminding: "Ah ah, no talking, remember?" Jisung pouted and pulled out his phone, typing: 'I missed you, hyung!' – "Aww, Sungie. You've barely been gone for what?", Minho chuckled, glancing at the clock, "That wasn't even a full hour." Furiously tapping on his phone, the rapper held it up for his hyung to read: 'That's a lot in sick people time, okay? :(' Tightening his hug, Minho cooed: "I'm sorry, how about you have some soup and then we can continue our movie marathon. I put your blanket into the drier, so it should be nice and warm to cuddle under." Burying his face in the dancer's chest and nodding, Jisung almost teared up. His hyung was so caring and he already looked forward to getting his cuddles. Maybe the older would play with his hair again too. "Alright, let's get you some food first but you'll have to let go of me for that, Sungie", Minho chuckled, trying to pull away. The rapper's hold on him was too strong though, so he wrapped his arm around the younger's shoulders and simply pulled him to the kitchen with him. The faster they could get some food into Jisung, the faster they'd be able to cuddle properly.

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

October 2021 Picks

It’s been a bit, but I’m BACK! Life’s been busy, but I’ve still found time to watch TV (as you can probably tell) and man have there been so GREAT things! I can’t wait to talk about them all. 

I know October is still going on, but as I’ve missed September, I thought why not get a head start. So, without further ado, let’s do this!

Some spoilers ahead....

You’ve been warned....

NANCY DREW-SEASON 3

Is it shocking that I’m starting with Nancy Drew? Maybe, if you’re new to this page. If not, you already know my love for this show. (It runs deep.) The third season started three weeks ago-and airs new episodes on Friday on the CW...Catch up now on the CW app, you’ll be happy you did. 

The start to this season is already SO STRONG and has me longing for the next episode. (I just watched last night’s for the second time already.) The cast is so fantastic, and talented. No matter which pairs are on screen it’s fantastic. (Can I say fantastic too many times?) I love every member of this crew so much. This season we are tracking a serial killer, the Frozen Hearts Killer, and keeping our eyes on Temperance Hudson who has recently returned to Horseshoe Bay (and is definitely up to no good). Romances are blossoming. Nick and George are the cutest and feel like parents. Bess has a growing attraction/hate-love relationship with a new character, Addy, and I’m here for it. (Plus, she’s learning magic and I love that for her.) And the Nancy and Ace crumbs are GIVING ME SO MUCH LIFE. (Check out my other blog @lydia-yougowith-stiles for more shipping fangirling moments. There’s many. You’ve been warned.) 

I’ve gotten at least three people to watch this show since the summer, and it is my life’s mission to continue to get people to watch it. It is hands down the best show on the CW right now, and one of the least appreciated. Give it some love. I mean just look at this good-looking cast.

STARGIRL-SEASON 2

Okay, so I know I just said that Nancy Drew is the best show on the CW (and I stand by that), but Stargirl is up there as a very close second. It is my favorite superhero show on the network (and I used to LOVE everything about the Arrowverse, and now I watch like none of it). 

Season 2 is killing it! Season 1 was really strong and I’ve been planning to re-watch it, and I’m so happy that season 2 is delivering so much. The villain this season is *so good.* Eclipso is so creepy and anytime I see that little kid I want to punch him in the face. He is SOOOOO CREEPY. I’m so frustrated where the new JSA is right now, but that just shows how good the writing is. I literally have no idea how they are going to take him down, but I’m here for it and ready. Losing the Shade last week really hurt, and just adds to my list of people I think the show killed off too soon. (You know how I feel about the Brainwaves-specifically Henry.) That being said, a lot of them get to come back in flashbacks, so hopefully we can see him return in some way. I also really love how this show gets to the point. Barbara being a part of the team makes me so happy as does the progression of revealing secrets. Arrow would have dragged out soooo much. 

So, just like I said for Nancy Drew, watch Stargirl on the CW if you aren’t already. You’ll be so much happier that you did. 

DC’S LEGENDS OF TOMORROW-SEASON 7

Wow, season 7! That sounds crazy. (I actually had to double check before I posted this.) I figured to stay with this CW train we’re on, so here’s the only Arrowverse show I still watch regularly. 

Last season for me was a little rough. I still enjoyed episodes, but I didn’t love it overall. The aliens plot for me felt forced, and Gary being an alien felt like an after thought and way to make the connection stronger. I also felt like we were losing a lot of the legends. The Waverider has always been a revolving door, but for some reason this one felt like so much was changing. So far, this season I am really enjoying it. (I know there have only been what, two episodes so far?) I like how they are stuck in the 1920s, and need to find a way back to the waverider. There feels like a lot more mystery this season (especially with Gideon and her message at the end of 7x02). Can’t wait to see what happens next. 

LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE

Do you remember the old Nickelodeon game show, Legends of the Hidden Temple? Purple Parrots, Blue Barracudas, Orange Iguanas, Sliver Snakes, Green Monkeys, and Red Jaguars sound familiar? If not, have you ever seen anyone wearing one of these TV shirts at a convention or amusement park? (Guilty.) 

Well, if you ever dreamed of being on the 90s Nick competition show, you’re dream might come true as the CW has rebooted it. On Sunday nights journey back to your childhood as adults compete against each other (outside) for $25,000. The games are familiar, but the vibe is definitely different. Olmec feels old, and the legends are no longer PG rated (which I have no problem with, I would probably still not be able to remember them all). I haven’t been getting into it as much as I thought I would. Maybe you’ll enjoy it more.  

GHOSTS

There’s a joke in my house that I don’t remember that CBS is a network. This is because I don’t often watch TV shows on it. Luckily, one of my friends mentioned Ghosts and I’m so happy they did because it’s a lot of fun. 

Rose Mciver (iZombie) and Utkarsh Ambudkar (Pitch Perfect) star in this half-hour comedy as a couple who inherit a house after Mciver’s distant aunt dies. She wants to flip it into a bed and breakfast, while Ambudkar wants to sell it. The twist is that the house is home to several ghosts who have died on the property over the years, and live there for the unforeseeable future. They don’t want the couple to open a b&b because then they would be stuck sharing their home with more of the living. When Mciver suffers a fall and wakes up from her coma, she sees the ghosts and is now the barrier between them. It’s really funny and definitely worth the watch. The episodes go really fast and will have you laughing. Highly recommend you check it out.  

THE WALKING DEAD-SEASON 11

After a show is on for ten seasons, plots start to feel repetitive and you question if the show has to still be on. The Walking Dead has lost a lot of its original cast, and there are times where I ask myself the above. However, this season had some really great episodes. I was excited to see more of the cast in one episode compared to last year when the filming was limited to how many people were able to be on set at the same time. 

Now with the Whispers gone, we have a lot more problems from the Reapers (who I can’t stand and feel won’t be solved with one season, but has to be), to the Commonwealth (which gives me such ‘The Governor’ vibes. I keep saying that their governor/leader isn’t real-even though they show a picture of her in the upcoming trailer). Plus, there’s the feuding within the group: Negan and Maggie. I did really love how they used the Whispers tacit against the Reapers and that finale was EXPLOSIVE. It’s got me hooked for what’s up next. I also love that Darryl is back with us as is CONNIE!!! Her episode with the feral people gave me nightmares. That’s something I definitely didn’t think I’d see on this show. 

GRANTCHESTER--SEASON 6

Completely shifting gears, because I don’t know how else to jump from the Walking Dead. This month the PBS Masterpiece Mystery, Grantchester, returned with its sixth season. I didn’t realize how much I missed this show. The characters, the town, and all the mysterious drama that comes with it. 

There’s already an overarching story, but each episode also brings another mystery with it. I really enjoyed the second episode with the adoption case. It was SO GOOD. My heart aches for Leonard this season. I have no idea how that’s going to go, especially the way the last episode ended. While I liked Sidney, I really like this fresh breath of life the show got with Will. I really enjoy his character, and his dynamic with Geordie. I’m also excited to see the rest of this season. New episodes are on Sundays on PBS. You can catch up for free on Amazon video with a prime account. 

THE BABYSITTERS CLUB-SEASON 2

I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH. Give it a season three right now. 

This adaptation of Ann M. Martin’s beloved book series, released a second season earlier this month, and I watched it so fast. It was SOOO GOOD. I wish it was longer than eight/half-hour episodes. I was laughing, and crying (both sad and happy tears). The characters are so great and real. The stories are heartwarming and feel good, which feels hard to find sometimes. They continue to update the book series in such innovative and creative ways. I can’t stop smiling as I watch. If you want to feel good look no further. You’ll be happy you did. 

SOY LUNA-SEASON 1

Guys! I have made it to episode 62! Are you shocked? I started watching back in June, and hit a lull, but now I am cruising through.  

So much has happened, and now Luna and Simon are a thing? It happened fast, but I don’t think it’s going to last long. Matteo is back with Ambar, which is so annoying and I can’t wait until they break up. Nina is having her webcam call with Gaston as Felicity. (I seriously can’t wait until these two discover who Felicity really is.) There are some things (like Ambar’s sneaky annoying stare) that bother me, but overall I’m having a good time. I will just need to take a break before watching season 2. 

THE OUTPOST

The Outpost finished last month, and I’m so sad to see it go. I was surprised when a fourth season popped up on my DVR (as I’ve said it before) and while they didn’t know the show was ending for good, it had such a strong ending. I’m so happy to see Talon and Garret together and Talon as Queen. It’s the role she deserves. I loved the addition of Luna this season. The gods freaked me out, but thought they were a good villain. I still don’t think Tobin had to die and miss Gwynn, but wish Falista wasn’t around for so long. Munt became one of my favorite characters as the show continued on. Good for him finding love. Janzo and Wren are everything. I wish we could have met their baby. This was an amazing show. More people should have watched it. 

Season 1 and 2 are available with ads on IMDB. Check it out.   

In My Queue 

So excited to watch the second season! Now I have to remember what happened at the end of season one.... 

[toastytoaster22]

18, 21, 22 for the writer asks !

Hi Abysslll! <3

(18 ended up really long so I put it under a cut at the bottom so I wouldn't clog up peoples' dash)

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

I think I could, though at this point I have so many WIPs that I would be eternally bummed to not see the stories through. I don't ever find myself wishing to not write anymore, no. For me, writing is just a fun way to explore characters, interactions, and experiences. Every story is a big playground for me to run around on and try out new swings and seesaws. I don't see any reason to stop playing, though at times I get really busy with life events and have to slow down or pause.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

Oh man. I've answered this question a couple times so I might try to pull up my more detailed run-downs of my writing process, but I can give a short overview here.

All my fic ideas start in my head as daydreams that slowly marinate and change until I think they have enough elements to be a full storyline. Then the idea gets outlined in one of my notebooks (I have probably a dozen right now). I let it sit in there for a little while and jot down missing info or questions that I need to answer before starting any writing. Once those questions, and any more that crop up, are figured out I usually run it by a friend or my husband, and then will transfer all notes to a word doc.

All my WIPs are well organized in my computer with reference art, background info, notes files, and outlines, along with completed chapters and in progress ones.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

Under the cut bc its LONG

From chapter 15 of Issho:

“Six,” Teru found himself saying, a bitterness swelling in his throat.

“Huh?”

“I was almost three when I awakened. I think they cared about me until then. Once they knew I was a psychic they gave up on me. That’s what my dad said.”

Teru didn’t know where these words were coming from. They hurt. Like little fishhooks yanking themselves up and out of his heart. A sharp sting and a coppery aftertaste, and then they were gone.

“Holy shit.” Reigen breathed out roughly. “He said that?”

Teru nodded.

“To your face?”

Another nod. “Yeah. When I was in the hospital.”

Reigen bit back a swear. “Any other trauma nuggets you want to share? Might as well get them all out there while we’re at it.”

Would that help get rid of the dense little ball that gave him stomachaches all the time?

Teru reached down and wrapped his fingers around another fishing line. Like ripping off a band-aid, right?

“My mom yelled at me in front of the police once,” Teru said, peeking up to see Reigen’s reaction.

His foster dad didn’t move, his eyes fixed on the road.

“My hands got hurt and she didn’t help me. She said she was going to clean them in the morning, but she went to work before I woke up.” Teru rubbed his palms together and wiggled his fingers. There were no scars. No evidence of that negligence. No evidence of how long it had taken him to scrub his scrapes out in the bathroom sink, trying not to cry.

He curled his hands into fists. Something was trickling out from all these pinprick wounds in his heart. Each fishhook he tugged out allowed something hot to escape. It was collecting in his chest and expanding, filling every nook and cranny inside of him and making his breath come fast.

“And she didn’t talk to me for three days after Claw burned my arm and I broke everything in the apartment. I think-“ This was the biggest fishhook. The one that was stuck deep and took a lot of courage to even think about, let alone touch. He grabbed it and yanked anyway. “I think she wanted to leave me then. I think she was thinking about it because she didn’t look at me and she didn’t clean anything up and she didn��t get anything fixed. Except then we lived there another month.”

Reigen whistled.

Teru turned his eyes up to his foster father. Reigen’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. They had turned into the parking lot, but the car was still running. Reigen was a statue in the front seat.

He didn’t like the face Reigen was making, but now that he had started talking, Teru couldn’t stop.

“I’m mad at her.” The heat in his chest flared at the admission. “I didn’t- I didn’t want her to fix everything. I didn’t think she could make Claw go away. She’s not magic. I- I never asked her to save me, I just wanted her to care! I just wanted a hug!”

This wasn’t the boiling, desperate fury that had come over him at the children’s center. It wasn’t a mad scramble to cover up a gaping, empty hole. This feeling that was coming over him was strong and solid and real.

Teru was angry.

The MobDonald’s bag beside him shimmered.

“How could she do that? I was hurt and scared, and she left me! She didn’t even say goodbye!”

The bag beside him lifted into the air, as did the spare umbrella and the box of Reigen’s new business cards. Teru let them. For once he didn’t care that he was making a scene. He was free from his parents’ judgment. He was free from them and he was furious and-

“If that makes you yell once in a while, that’s okay too.”

“If they were going to get rid of me why did they wait so long?” he shouted. “If they gave me up when I was three, I could’ve- I could’ve-“ Teru couldn’t have been with Reigen. He would have only been in high school. Would Teru have spent all that time at a children’s center? Would Claw have ever found him? There was no way to know, and it was endlessly frustrating. “I don’t understand!”

---------------

Whew. This section still kicks me in the teeth every time I read it. There isn't a whole lot of backstory beyond that I was trying to get Reigen and Teru to have a civil conversation in the car and no matter what I did, no matter how many times I tried to keep Teru quiet, his dialogue KEPT GETTING AGITATED. And when that happens and I cannot stop a character from acting a certain way?

Time to let them BE THAT EMOTION. They clearly NEED IT.

So I finally, FINALLY let Teru go off. It was time for him to vent. To be frustrated and solidly, POWERFULLY angry with his parents for putting him in the situation they did. It was so important to finally let him get these horrifically heavy things off his chest, to someone he KNEW he could trust with the information. It took 7 chapters for that trust to build though, and with it, Teru's thoughts on what happened to him and what his parents were putting him through by acting the way he did.

He is only 9 here. Teru is still so much a child, but he isn't stupid. He saw so much and feels SO MUCH and in the end, no matter how he tried to use his 9 years of intelligence to figure out the WHY behind his parents' behavior, despite being "explained to him", HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. (and as the reader we know its bc it Doesn't Make Sense. His parents were not acting like responsible, rational adults and they hurt him. There is no way to make that understandable.

And Reigen IMMEDIATELY validates that. He doesn't understand either. He lets Teru know that its not that he is a child, its not that he can't Get It. It's OKAY. It's okay to be angry and confused, Reigen is too, on his behalf. And that, beyond everything else, is what Teru NEEDED to express and hear at this point in the story.

DAMN I LOVE ISSHO

[tempestsreach-blog]

Fuck Diet Culture

This is going to be long.  It’s going to be rambly.  It’s going to be sad.  It’s going to be angry.  There’s going to be language some people don’t like. I can’t NOT talk about it though. 

Fuck diet culture.  Let me say that again.  Fuck. Diet. Culture. It has taken such a huge chunk out of my life.  I have lost pieces of myself I’m not sure I’ll ever get back.  The only way to heal is to go through.  I can’t go back.  I have to move forward.  But I can’t do it quietly.  I can’t hide.  I can’t live in the same shame I’ve spent the last 40 years in.  Literally.  40 years of my life wasted to this.  I can’t bear to live the back half of my life in the same way.  What the hell is the point? I’m not going to write this in any particular order because all of the thoughts and feelings swimming around are snapshots of things in my life that diet culture has broken in me or stolen from me. A lot of you aren’t going to agree with me.  That’s okay.  Truly.  This is about ME.  This is to help ME heal.  You can talk to me about your struggles, your diets, your ups and downs, your successes and whatnot.  I am here for you in all of it. But I won’t diet with you anymore.  Never again.

Currently I am having severe knee pain.  One knee is worse than the other, but both are bad.  I should go to the doctor.  I should have gone to the doctor years ago for it.  Want to know why I didn’t?  My weight.  I have injuries from overuse and over exercise and I am terrified that I am going to go to the doctor and the first words they’re going to say are “Well, if you lost 20, 30, 40, 50 pounds, it probably wouldn’t hurt so much.” instead of listening to me, examining me, scanning my knees and HELPING me.  I don’t feel this way irrationally.  This shit happens.  I am in pain.  I don’t know how to get help without being told to go on another diet that will not work.

Because diets don’t work.  Not long term.  I am excellent at losing weight!  I’ve done it over and over and over.  Then I stop restricting, counting, starving, and pushing myself.  Then my body says “What the fuck were you doing?” and puts it back. I lost the ability years ago to know whether I’m actually hungry or not.  I eat too fast when I do eat because if I snarf it down super fast I can get it in before my brain says “You’ve had too much.  Did you count those calories?  How many miles on a treadmill will you do to make up for that?  Did you actually earn this meal?”

Every time.  Every meal.  Every morsel.

I have never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder.  Only been told by therapists and psychiatrists that I definitely engage in disordered eating.

No shit.

Every diet under the sun.  Cabbage soup.  Phen Fen.  Weight watchers (MULTIPLE TIMES), TOPS, Noom, My Fitness Pal calorie counting, intermittent fasting,  and every whacky bullshit thing in between promising results.  I’ve purchased fancy scales.  I’ve even tried one that wouldn’t show you your weight, but the color of your progress in the app.  Here’s a hint… if you gain, your color is black like death.  I’ve failed a million times and I’ve blamed myself.  I am the failure.  So I hate my body a little more every day and I stress about how I’m going to NOT pass my disordered eating and my food issues onto my kids.  My stress levels are through the roof and 98% of it is diet culture related. What the fuck is that about? Every time I start a program I hit it hard.  Last time I tried anything involving tracking or counting I was so starving by the time I got home from work that I almost ripped a child’s head off (not literally OBVIOUSLY) but I screamed at her at the top of my lungs because she hurt my feelings.  It wasn’t until after finally allowing myself to eat another morsel of food that I realized I was hangry.

Why is living in a larger body not acceptable?  We all talk about diversity and equality as though we believe it with our whole hearts, but that doesn’t cross over to fat.  Or skinny if we’re really being honest.  How many times have you heard or seen online “Oh my god, she’s so skinny.  Feed her a damn cheeseburger!  She looks anorexic.”  I know I have.  I know I’ve said those words.  I will punch myself in the gut if I ever say them again.  

Every body is different.  We are supposed to be.  Let’s not BLAME genetics like it’s a bad thing.  Let’s realize that it’s what nature has intended.  My father is over 6 feet tall and a large man.  He’s just a big man.  He went on Nutri System when I was young, lost a ton of weight, and put a bunch back on over the years because he is a big man.  My mother was not tall, but was always large.  I hated her body because HER PARENTS told her all the time she was fat and unworthy and cautioned me not to grow up to be like her in any way.  Even when she was poor and homeless she was still large.  That was the way her body was.  I wonder how different her life might have been if the size of her body hadn’t been a factor in the way she was raised or treated.  How might that have made my life different?

I know a lot of you are probably rolling your eyes at me right now about being vocal about another health plan or saying to yourself “just because you have trouble with diets doesn’t mean they don’t work”  I know there are people close to me thinking “She just always gets excited when she discovers a new diet, that’s probably what this is.”  NO.  

This is me finally realizing that I can heal and healing doesn’t mean I need to weigh 157 pounds. (That’s the weight limit for women my height to enter the air force when I did in 1992) This is me finally realizing that I’ve been lying about the weight on my drivers license for 30 years because gods forbid anyone saw my real weight on that document. This is me realizing that I’ve spent my life trying to live up to other people’s ideals of what I should look like because I assumed they wouldn’t like me otherwise. This is me realizing how much unintentional harm I could have been doing when sharing another diet, another idea, another bout of “well this is working really well for me!” with people I care about. This is me realizing how much damage I’ve been doing to myself living with this level of shame for 40 years. Hiding what I’m doing.  Suffering in silence.  Hiding food. Restricting.  Binging.  Over exercising to compensate.  Spending money on one last diet.  Spending emotional energy on one last hope. We were in Las Vegas for what was supposed to be a fun vacation last week and I was so hot and miserable and so steeped in hating my body because my painful knees were betraying me that my internal monologue was a never ending loop of “I’ll hit weight watchers REALLY HARD when we get home and get rid of this weight, then I’ll figure out my knees and work on maintenance” Let me say that again, clearly.  I struggled to enjoy my vacation because I was obsessing about restricting food AFTER my vacation. One last time.  One last meal.

BULLSHIT.

We walked by shops with weird and pretty fashion dresses. (I freely admit I don’t understand fashion) the husband and I would both point out ones we thought were pretty.  My brain would get stuck on “Yeah, but they don’t make them in my size” or “Yeah, that would NOT look good on me.  It looks fine on that size 0 mannequin”  Pretty on other people.  Other people are pretty.  Not me. Diet culture is pervasive and all consuming.  In big ways and little ways.  I’m 5 ft 9.  I’m not a tiny person at any weight.  I’ve always been told I’m too big.  Even when I sit, I slouch a little and/or tuck my legs and feet up under me to try to make myself appear smaller and less invasive.  This is subconscious.  I don’t always realize I’m doing it until my knees remind me. Most of my life has been things that get in the way of my diets.  “I should start the diet today, but it’ll have to wait until next week because so and so’s birthday is this week and I want to be able to enjoy that.”  or “It’s late fall, I should just start now but first there’s my birthday, and then Thanksgiving, and December happens and there’s all kinds of treats then.  Better wait until January, but not the first because that’s new year’s...maybe the following Monday.” or the ever popular “I already had a bad eating day today, I’m a failure.  Why bother?  Fuck it.  I’ll try again tomorrow.”  That one was always followed by binging because of the last supper mentality.  If I’m starting a diet tomorrow I better eat EVERYTHING NOW. This is how I’ve lived my whole life.  The time not spent dieting was just the time in between diets where I was planning my next diet.  So much life wasted.  The only time I was not actively dieting or planning the next diet or suffering from “I’m just too exhausting to put effort into food right now” was during my 4 pregnancies.  I let myself eat whatever and whenever because I was nauseous all the time anyway and something in my brain made me fuel my body for the babies. When the youngest was born and the on call doctor who delivered her told me I was too fat to have my tubes tied I definitely started planning diets again in that moment.  I believe now, years later, that my diet and diet culture ruined mind and body is part of what kept me from being as successful at nursing the kids as I wished I had been.  I assumed my body was broken and not good enough for my babies.  The last time I lost a LOT of weight it was because I didn’t want to ruin someone’s wedding pictures.  True story.  This was nothing that person felt or anything they told me.  IT’s what my brain said to me.  It’s how I de-valued myself.  There are very few current pictures of me now because I’ve been stuck in a place where I feel shame when I see them. When I’m dead, memories and pictures are all my kids and grandkids will have, and I hate myself too much to let anyone take them. That’s not okay.

I dream about food.  I daydream about food.  Food I “shouldn’t” eat.  Food I “should” eat.  When to eat.  When not to eat.  Every spare ounce of energy is spent thinking about food or hating myself which leads to more thinking about food. I am not in a place where I can prepare dinner for my family right now because it’s too hard to put that much energy into food.  I force myself to pick the recipes from the app and get the shopping done via instacart so all anyone else has to do is pull up the recipe and make the food.  If I’m looking at the ingredients or trying to prep anything I stare at every individual thing debating whether or not I “should” eat it.  This is going to take me a long time to break free from.  Today I finally feel like I CAN break free. There is nothing wrong with being in a large body or a small body.  Food is not good or bad.  Food is food.  I have to say these things.  I have to repeat them to myself or I fall down the rabbit hole again.  None of this is work anyone can do for me.  I have to live it.  I have to work through it.  I have to figure it out. If you read this far, my statement stands.  If you’re on a diet, I will listen to your woes and hold your hand and I will not judge you for it.  This was very hard to write because I am certain some of you who believe in diets, ways of life, and wellness eating may block me now because I spoke my mind.  I’ve clung so tight to the people I love and refrained from being honest and speaking my mind for fear of abandonment.  I’ll have to live with it if that’s the case here, because people sometimes need to do what’s best for them.  Airing this out is one of those things for me.  It’s a scary thing for sure. I also want to say that I’m happy for this to lead to discussion.  I’m not going to shut anyone down for wanting to talk to me about this.  I am always open to learn new information and see different perspectives.  Just know that if I’m emotional and feeling a lot of strong things about how my life has been up to this point, and I am entitled to believe what I believe just as you all are.  I’m happy to share sources and books I’ve been reading on the subject.  They are not diet books.

Here’s to doing better from here on out.

Here’s to finally being free.

[themonotonysyndrome]

Guilt Eater

Part 4 of the ‘Successors of the Future’ is here! And yes, I will do my absolute best to squeeze in as much Blazblue reference in this series until I can’t! (I mean, that’s how I got the plot bunny for this series anyway~)

We’re moving the spotlights today to Malleus and Ace and a special guest! I thought it’ll be an interesting shift of perspective and change. Don’t worry, we’ll get right back to the kids in the next oneshot. 

As always, big thank you to @tri3tri for letting us expand her Second Wive AU. Hope you guys enjoy this oneshot. 

-

Time tend to leave its mark differently on each species. 

For creatures who only grew stronger with time while their bodies remain near immortal, the passing of time means nothing to the Fair Folks. Time is likened to the ocean; ancient yet full of wonders. 

For Malleus, however, time has not been kind to him. Not since his dear heart and children vanishes. 

Ever since then, there is an unspoken rule among the residents of the Castle of Thorns: the Queen’s family wing is forbidden to everyone but the King.

Even Lilia nod his head to the rule; even he has been walking on eggshells around their King. 

And the years had transformed the Queen’s domain into a catacomb. The rumpled beds, the toys littered in Princess Sherrie’s bedroom, the Queen’s favourite book on her study table - everything is left untouched with layered of dust and cobwebs covering every inch of the surfaces. 

Every evening, the King would stalk the empty halls and bedrooms like a ghost; constantly yearning to feel the memories that embedded on the walls. Once he did his duties as the King and beget the male heir that the court had been pushing, Malleus has been living in regret ever since. 

He should have known that his beautiful wife would attempt to escape during the night of his second wedding. He should have tightened the security not on his concubine, but to the Queen and their Princesses. He should have assured Renata and Sherrie that only their mother holds his heart and that Bellatrix is just a means to an end. 

He should have told them that he loves them. 

Regret and guilt are terrible poisons. It festered under your skin and twist your heart painfully. They plague your mind with ‘what if’s’ and ‘should have’s’ and Malleus have been carrying them ever since that night. 

Tonight, he lost hours inside Renata’s bedroom, just staring at her favourite doll that he bought for her. He still remembers how her eyes lit up and how sweet her smile was when he presented the doll to her; how she was so happy that she clings on him and the doll that day. Deeply amused, he humoured her and carried her in her arms the whole day. Malleus even brought her to his court session, regardless how it broke propriety. 

His every waking moments now drift to MC and their daughters. Where are they? Why couldn’t he find them no matter how many soldiers he dispatched across Twisted Wonderland, no matter how far his magic blanket the lands? Are his daughters healthy, happy? What are they currently doing now? Are they safe? Have they forgotten about him - 

The mirror on the vanity table shattered. Malleus releases the doll in his grip and struggle to calm himself down; his body curl inwards and his breaths erratic. The thought of his wife and children far away and happy from him nearly drove him crazy if it weren’t for Lilia’s quick and careful words of consolation.

“They can’t hide forever, Malleus. Don’t ever give up, you hear me? And once we’ll find them, we’ll make sure her little escape routines are put to a stop. Permanently.”  

Lilia’s words are enough to ground him. For now. 

Malleus failed to assured his wife and daughters his love towards them, failed to show just how deep his convictions towards them are. The moment he finds any threads of their whereabouts, he’ll make sure to rectify that. 

And as the night made way for morning, Malleus forces himself to leave his daughter’s abandoned bedroom to prepare for another long, monotonous day. The only reason why he hasn’t delegate his duties to Lilia was because of his grandmother. His grandmother had come to visit on the eve of his second wedding and stayed when a frantic Silver announced MC and their children’s disappearance. If it weren’t for her, Malleus would’ve burned away his suit and transform into a dragon to search for them. While Lilia organise a search team with Silver and Sebek, his grandmother made sure he understood his duties as King once more. 

That was the first and last time he slept with Bellatrix before his thoughts and desire are consumed with the need to find his family. At that point, neither Lilia nor his grandmother could’ve stop him. 

The castle staffs and guards know to scattered when they see him step out of the Queen’s wing. The moment they heard the door creaked open, the room is empty. 

All but for one individual. 

“Good morning, Father!” 

Malleus stop his track. He tilts his head towards his heir, expressionless. Victor refused to be deterred by his Father’s gloomy aura yet he’s smart enough to carefully approach him. 

The king is stoic on the best days, frightening on his worst. 

“Will you be joining us for breakfast later? I heard from Grandfather Lilia that the kitchen staffs are planning to cook your favourites.” 

“I’ll be taking my meals in my office as usual.” Malleus reply and starts to walk away. 

Victor’s smile drop a little but he pressed on, jogging behind his father. In a rare burst of courage, the Prince grab Malleus’ hand. Surprisingly, Malleus stops walking. He stares at his hand before narrowing his eyes at Victor. 

“W-Would Father like a report of my recent academic progress? My tutors said that I’ve been doing well in my magic classes! O-Oh! I’ve also been diligently keeping up with my etiquette lessons.” Victor stutters out after he immediately let go of his Father’s hand. Feeling like he just committed a grave crime. 

“No need. Your tutors have been sending letters of your progress, daily.” 

“Oh... then would Father be willing to... to train me - ”

“I’m busy. Ask Lilia or any of your tutors.” And with that, Malleus refused to linger any longer, leaving Victor in the empty room. 

Crestfallen, Victor watch his Father go. Knowing that if he bothers him even more, it will just upset him and another storm would loom over the castle for the next few days. His expression immediately morph into a combination of anger and sadness as he stomps away before the staffs could return, not wanting them to see him vulnerable. 

As usual, Victor desperately hopes that one day his Father would finally acknowledge him as a son, not as his Prince. 

-

Time tend to leave its mark differently on each species.

For creatures with a set of years as flimsy as a lit candle’s flame, humans are creatures who bear the passing of time with a passionate vigor. Time is likened to fireworks; beautiful, bright but only for a short moment. 

For Ace, however, time is a constant remainder that he had failed his best friend. Being vulnerable in Night Raven College is a sure way to be taken advantage off and Ace is never known as anything but his brutal honestly, mischievous streaks and habits of getting himself (and others) into trouble. 

But when the headmaster announced that he couldn’t find MC anywhere the day after their senior’s graduation, was the moment that he, Deuce and Grim completely lose their composure. Deuce was too shocked to say anything while Ace couldn’t stop screaming alongside Grim. 

She couldn’t have just vanish! People don’t work like that! 

And even if she finally somehow found a way back to her world, she wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye! 

Ace hated himself as that moment. If only he texted them the night before. Why didn’t he? They usually send stupid texts to one another! If only he kept a closer eye on them. If only she kept Grim close to her. 

For once, the headmaster drop all pretence. For once, his guilt laden answer and heavy sags of his shoulders are genuine. 

MC is gone and he has no idea how or why. But the three of them refused to gave up just like that. Ever since that day, they would do their best to figure out or research about MC’s fate. Jack and Epel, after finding out what happened, did their best to help out too. But days passed without any leads and with heavy hearts, they accepted that their friend is lost to them. 

That was not a good day. 

After Ace and Epel managed to pull Deuce and Jack away from one another (Deuce had completely lost it when the wolf boy reluctantly admit that maybe it was best to stop their research), strangely enough, it was Sebek who finally interjects. 

They need to accept that MC is gone. Even if they could never gain the closure that they desperately want, it’ll be no good to carry this sort of horrible guilt with them forever. With a long sigh, Sebek told them to find peace with it, even if it’s hard. 

Easier said than done. Even now that he’s already an adult and have a son, Ace still couldn’t help but wonder what happened to his friend. He hopes that wherever she is, MC is safe and happy. Anything other than that Ace couldn’t bear to think. 

Ace takes out his phone and checks the calendar app. The anniversary of MC’s disappearance is coming. Usually, Ace would cook MC’s favourite food in honour of her memory and over the years, he has gotten pretty good at it. Good enough that it also becomes his son’s favourite dish. 

Just as Ace was about to put down his phone and get ready to go out for lunch with his older brother, it suddenly rings.  

The name on his phone surprises him. His son rarely calls him ever since he got accepted to Night Raven College. Something about wanting some independence from his old man that Ace retaliates by ruffling his hair because of his boy’s cheekiness. 

Ace press the accept button with a grin, knowing that this is going to be good. “What’s up, kiddo? Finally admit that you miss your old man?” 

He expects a scoff, maybe a reluctant admittance, hell even his son’s rare bout of innocent honesty. What Ace didn’t expect however, is hearing his son’s frightened shriek.

“Dad! You knew a MC/S before right!? Please tell me you know what to do when she went batshit insane!” 

“Whoa, whoa, slow down! What are you talking about? I can barely hear you!” 

Ace impatiently wait while pressing the phone close to his ear as he hear his son rapidly talking to someone, shouting apologies and heavy breaths as if he’s currently running. 

“Oh Sweet Seven, ok, I think we managed to hide from her.” His son panted. “Yeah, so, I might have, uh accidentally threw my food tray all over this girl and she immediately went supernova. We barely managed to dodge her fireballs!” 

Suddenly, Ace felt his heart drop. “Girl? What girl? Night Raven College is an all-boys’ school.” He heard himself reply. Absentmindedly, his mind brought up the memories of his Entrance Ceremony, years ago. Of a girl that looked so lost in her robes as she stood in front of the Mirror of Darkness. 

“Renata MC/S. She’s the only girl that ended up a student here. I remembered that you had a friend with that surname so I thought she might be related.” 

At that moment, Ace choose to believe it. It’s way too coincidental for it not be. A girl that shares his lost best friend’s surname who also just happend to be the only girl to be accepted in Night Raven College? 

But what Ace doesn’t understand is his son’s comment about the girl throwing fireballs. MC doesn’t have magic. So what’s going on? 

“Hmm, I usually gave her some space before I apologised to her. And a little bribery never failed too.” Ace advised, recalling how MC reluctantly accepts the candy that he offered after he upsets her. 

“That’s not a bad idea, Dad! Will report back the result if I’m not scorched to death.” Ace’s son dryly answer. Some rustling noises and hush whispers can be heard through the phone before his kid ended the call. 

Ace is already calling Deuce’s number. He needs to know about this. 

-

I hope I managed to did Malleus and Ace justice in writing them! I’ll get better with writing the rest of the boys once their children are introduce. Because Renata needed friends/allies against Malleus after all~ 

Speaking of Victor, I was really nervous when I was writing him. Here, he’s not all haughty because deep down, all he want is some praises and love from a Father who only see him as something to appease his court. Not a son. Hope I managed to portray that properly! 

(Also, the name of Ace’s son and two others will be reveal in the next oneshot)

[deniigi]

sorry to bother again but i am a freshman in college and i am v stressed

how did you get through it and how do I make myself not want to drop every single class i’m in every semester

how does one take more than 5 classes at a time

i am in midterm hell and i am Scared™️

oh you mean, ‘Matt, please do your actual literal job on main?’ Because this is sort of my actual literal job, friend. So don’t worry. I’ve got you.

So first thing’s first, when planning future semesters:

I would recommend against taking more than 5 classes at a time. Mathematically, it is not great for you. If you have to take more than 5, plan on doing 1-2 to during summer school. You won’t be behind. You’re fine. I swear.

Example for future class planning: For every class, look at the number of units/credits it is. That is around the number of hours that you’re gonna spend in that class a week. Now multiply that by 2. That’s about the number of hours total you’re gonna spend on that class in a week (both in class and doing homework).

That means that a 3 unit/credit class = 6 hours of work per week.

You have five of those classes. That means that you’re doing around 30hrs of school work a week. If you have six of those classes, you’re practically working a fulltime job with little to no pay and benefits.

End story: Do not take more than 5 classes a semester if you can help it.

If you can, don’t take more than 4 classes in your major per semester, either. You will die. Use electives and general education classes as your fourth or fifth class to lighten your load and give yourself something that you enjoy and know you can pass for sure. That will give you some breathing room and will help you maintain your GPA.

Coping with Overload now:

At this point in the semester, it’s a little late to be dropping classes, so what you’re going to do instead is to schedule the fuck out of your time.

You need to pick and stick to set dates/times for completing coursework and midterm projects for the next week or two. People do this in different ways, but generally speaking, people will assign projects/homework to certain days.

Example: Monday is Chemistry homework night because assignments are due on Wednesday. You only work on Chemistry on Monday. You finish the assignment and turn it in.

Tuesday is English homework day because assignments are papers and take 3 days to complete due to requiring 3 different steps: research, outlining, and writing. You do the whole researching process on Tuesday and do a basic outline. You will fill out the outline a little more on Wednesday and will then write the whole paper on Thursday so that you can turn it in then, before the Friday deadline.

On Wednesday, after you’re satisfied with your English outline, you will set that aside because Wednesdays are Math days. You will do the Math homework and/or study for 2-3 hours until your brain feels like soup. Then you will stop, do something relaxing for 30min, and then decide if you need to do more studying. If you do, repeat the study + self-care process. Go to sleep at a reasonable hour (before 2am if possible)

Do the same thing for your other 2 classes, assigning each a day and a specific task or set of tasks to complete on each day. Don’t give yourself more than 3 tasks per class/study session, because that’s how you get overwhelmed and into an anxiety spiral.

Apply self-care (breaks, snacks, drinks, music) liberally while doing assignments.

Other tips: figure out how you study.

If you study best in a group, grab some folks from your class and form a study group. If you are in STEM especially, it is expected that you will form study groups. This is how studying happens in STEM, medical, and law fields. It is nigh impossible to do all that labor on your own. Yes, I am serious. Make a study group, even if that’s you and 1 other person.

If you can find a study guide, take it to study group or block out an hour or two and do the whole thing. If you don’t have a study guide, make one yourself out of your homework/assignments and test yourself with flashcards or writing out definitions and forcing yourself to explain the different parts of cycles you learned in class.

If you are in a humanities/liberal arts major, you need to figure out if you study best by reviewing your notes, by re-listening to the lectures, by explaining concepts to others, or by writing it all out as if it was an essay.

If you need to write an essay and are stuck with where to start, reach out for help from a tutor if your school has one, or just start by doing 15 minutes of brainstorming to figure out what you feel about the topic and what evidence/ideas would work to answer it. Pick apart the prompt to see what it is truly asking you to do, write out the components of the prompt separately on a separate page and start answering those question as if they were short answers.

Then when you’ve got that, you can start noting bits of evidence to add to support your points and BAM, just like that, you’ve got an outline. Write a thesis statement at the top that addresses the Who, What, Why and How You’re Going to Prove it of your essay and you’re ready to go.

Example thesis statement: “The world represented in Oh God, How do I Study by Matt Deniigiq includes references to time management, course planning, and big-picture thinking to emphasize the broader theme that this one shit semester is not going to destroy student’s lives. This is evident in the droll humor used throughout the piece and the fact that the author keeps halting in paragraphs to answer emails from frazzled students.”

**yes, your thesis can be 2 sentences long. It’s allowed, I promise.

Know that these 5 classes will not end your life.

Honestly, like, speaking as someone who does this for a living, at public schools anything higher than a C is grand. It’s not usually required for you to list your GPA on job apps later on (I’ve never been asked). No one actually cares about your GPA in social situations.

As long as my students have higher than Cs in their classes and they aren’t like, nursing students, I’m cool with their progress, so give yourself a break if you can.

Also know that getting a low grade in 1 class as a freshmen doesn’t actually fuck up your GPA as bad as you think it will. Like, there’s a lot of complicated shit around this that I could go into, but generally speaking, if you fail one class (and I mean FAIL-fail it. Fs and D-s. None of this ‘UwU I got a C so I failed’), then by the time you’re a junior or a senior, if you haven’t failed additional shit, that F/D- is barely going to shift your GPA.

Like, we’re talking .1 shifts around then. Maybe a .3 shift if you’re at the end of your sophomore year. That’s the diff between a 2.5 and a 2.4. Or a 3.3 and a 3.0. You can make that up almost entirely by taking another round of classes and getting As and Bs (again, the mechanics are complicated, so you’re just gonna have to take my word here).

So yeah, shoot for Cs or higher and know that these classes aren’t the end-all be-alls of your lives.

(For context, if I get a student with a 3.0 or higher, I’m fucking ELATED. I’m not even joking. Y’all will be fine.) 

--

Start with these tips and get back to me if you want something more specific. I do this all day, every day.

[ginkgomoon]

Happy MLQC Anniversary To Me 🥳

Posting this one so I can look back and laugh at myself and JUST INCASE I FORGET ANYTHING FROM HERE IN THE FUTURE.

It was a fine autumn day… (This is how I wished it would go in my head LOL)

I remember vividly where I was the first time I had laid my eyes on the four boys. It was actually from a video about an upcoming anime.

At first, I didn’t think about it as much. This man throwing his motorcycle helmet at me? AWESOME.

I don’t watch anime, and neither do I play any games on my phone. But the one time I saw it on the App Store, I had recognised it, then downloaded it. Apparently, it was the same day that the had anime first aired! Then of course, I was then greeted by someone yelling at me about some report that I needed to do-

I’VE JUST BEEN BORN INTO THIS WORLD PLEASE SPARE ME.

It seemed like a nice little game but I wasn’t used to the game style. Unfortunately, I deleted the game shortly after.

*Insert me mindlessly living my life- no Gavin, no nothing*

Then, I saw this one man on YouTube. How interesting! *Click*

It was a Gavin date.

I fell down the MLQC rabbit hole after having an mini Gavin date marathon. It was also the perfect timing when the anime episodes kept coming out and I felt inclined to watch it! I also started watching videos of the main storyline for later chapters in the Winter World AND I SAW GAVIN HOLDING MC AGAINST THE WALL DEMANDING HER NAME WITH THISE COLD EYES.

AND I KNEW HE WAS THE ONE.

So I re-downloaded the game, heading straight for Gavin. Beautiful heavenly voice.

Through in exchange for Gavin’s love, I had to go through the main story plot as well, which I had no idea. Absolutely no idea what was going on.

But I was intrigued and I went searching for more content, continued further down the storyline and discovered that there were multiple servers! Including Chinese! For me, it’s really nice to see my culture being made more well known in other parts of the world. Even I had learnt a lot and still am.

I did a lot of digging online to see what other MLQC content I could find, and BEHOLD. TUMBLR. YOU EXIST!!

I started reading some analyses of the storyline and slowly as I progressed through the game, I started to have a slight idea of what was going on.

Back then, I didn’t have an account for Tumblr because I didn’t even know how to use it. I didn’t think that would will ever need to make one or learn how because I was just merely a casual reader. (I say as I spent weeks trying to figure out the MLQC universe.)

But there was this one particular blog that I found myself returning to. And one of the reasons why this account and very post exists. I will say this now and will continue in the future-

*Plays Osborn’s song*

@cheri-cheri, IT’S YOU, IT’S YOUUUUU!

I had to bookmark the @cheri-translates website and kept going back to check everyday if you had updated. (It sounds really silly now that I remember LOL)

But after, I made my own Tumblr account so I could follow and keep myself up to date on the content more easily. I conquered my fear of Tumblr!

But that was as far as I could see it. I didn’t see myself able to analyse the game or post like everyone else. Plus, I was fine with just reading CN content. And I stayed within my comfort zone like that until early this year.

Another thing that also helped me strengthen my connection to the game was the music. Whether I’m listening to it during my long study hours (*plays Gavin’s S2 Blue Temperature while writing essay*), or just relaxing on a Friday night, it has always allowed me to take a break and escape for a little while.

MLQC and Tumblr has really helped me get through my classes and just life in general. And especially now when I’m making content daily. So thank you to everyone for supporting this game as well as reading Cheri’s content, other blogs, my posts and this right now. We’re all in this together and with you being here with me just makes it even more fun.

Thanks for reading to the end!

💙❤️💛💜

[squishmallow36]

Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Thirty-six

Word count: 2.4k

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-floppy-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @books-over-boys @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125

Tw: let's just say there's a reason my favorite number is 36. Anything more treads a little too far into spoiler territory

On Ao3 or below the cut!

    The next morning, I wake up to a message from Fitz. 

    Do you need me for any testing? 

    Not at the moment. I actually slept last night so it might be a few hours.

    I’m proud of you.

    By a few hours I mean it might be a few hours before I convince myself to work again. 

    I know for a fact that he sighs on the other side of the connection.

    I’ll be playing Torchlight so if you don’t want me to level up too far you’ll work on it.

    I have another game higher than ours if you do.

    I don’t have to remind you of the consequences of not finishing them.

    Guilt trip. I didn’t think you’d sink so low, Wonderboy.

    I realize that it worked when I find myself buried in extra parts a few minutes later.

    I get it down to a science after the second pair, when I remember that an assembly line will be much faster. 

    A few notifications from YouTube threaten to derail my progress, but I just stuff my Imparter under my pillow. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. 

    It takes longer than I’d hoped but shorter than I’d expected to get a half dozen pairs done. 

    You know when you have an amount of time that you want something to take, and an amount of time that you know it’ll take? In between those.

    I know we’ll need more soon, but I think a half dozen is a good starting point. 

    Hey, Fitz, do you wanna do some testing?

    Biana here. I’ve been told to tell you to wait one second because he’s playing on your laptop thing but he’ll get over there as soon as this thing’s done.

    I send over a thumbs-up emoji and test the Bluetooth capabilities of the original pair while I wait. 

    “Hi, Dex. Sorry about that. What are you doing?”

    “Watching YouTube. Why?”

    He looks at me, not wanting to ask, and I explain, “It’s an app with a bazillion videos on basically everything imaginable and more.”

    “Oh,” he says, clearing off a place to sit on my bed. 

    “The Bluetooth function, the one that plays music, is still manual. I couldn’t figure out how to tell the difference between turning on the Bluetooth and the noise cancelling. And Biana was no help on the invisibility, so that’s also manual for the same reason.”

    “Same procedure as yesterday?” 

    “Yep.” I can’t seem to find the lyrics from yesterday, so I just Google ‘Bohemian Rhapsody lyrics.’

    “Have fun,” I say, handing him my Imparter and popping in the original ear plugs.

    “I’ll pick up from where you left off yesterday. ‘Too late, my time has come. Sends shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time. Goodbye, everybody I’ve got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. Mama, I don’t wanna die. I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.’”

   I turn them on and off again to make sure they still work, and, guitar solo playing in  my head, I take one out before Fitz starts my favorite part because of how crazy it gets.

    “We’re still good. You get to try this pair,” I say, giving him the second pair. “These haven’t been tested yet, so don’t be surprised if there are still bugs.”

    “Ready?” I ask, and he gives me a thumbs up.

    I channel my inner Siri and begin, “I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning very, very frightening me. Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo figaro magnifico. I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me, he’s just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this monstrosity.’ I don’t think you know how much it pains me to stop there.”

    “Then why'd you stop?” he asks, taking the ear plugs out. 

    “Because this part goes on too long for one single test.”

    “Then give me the next pair and keep going.”

    “Pick out whichever one you want. I built these at roughly the same time this morning. I have it memorized, so if you want to do tests four and five at the same time, that can work.”

    “You know what? Let’s try it.”

    To say that it's a struggle to stay together and on rhythm is a major understatement.

    “Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. Let him go. Bismillah! We will not let you go. Let him go. Bismillah! We will not let you go. Let him go. We will not let you go. Let me go. Never. Never let you go. Let me go. Never. Let you go. Let me go. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Oh Mama Mia, Mama Mia, Mama Mia, let me go. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me.”

    “Did yours work?” Fitz asks, taking his ear plugs out.

    “Yeah, surprisingly. Yours?” 

    “Not as noise-cancelling as the last pair, but listened to my commands much better.”

    “So now it’s my job to combine them?”

    “They were functional, just not perfect.”

    “So the answer’s yes. If I can’t get to it, just blast some music with the Bluetooth.”

    “But that’s still manual. How would I make that work, especially if the invisibility is on?”

    “Make it look natural. Scratch behind your ear. Run your hand through your hair. You do that a lot.”

    I realize what I said a second after it leaves my lips. 

    He runs his fingers through his hair, proving my point, although it was probably on purpose. 

    “I guess that could work. But you’ll get around to it sooner than later.”

    “Unless I get distracted by something else,” I reply. 

    “Speaking of getting distracted, do you want to test the other two?”

    “Why not? We have one more chunk of the song. Well, it’s more like one and a half, but the end’s rhythm will be difficult to say the least.”

    “How do you know this song, anyway?”

    “It’s a weird thing programmed into Siri. If you say, ‘I see a little silhouetto of a man,’ she’ll continue the song. Found out about it on Reddit, of course. The entirety of human knowledge is contained within Reddit and Wikipedia.”

    “Cool.”

    Fitz takes a pair, and I joke, “You’re going to leave the broken ones to me?”

    “Wait, there’s a broken pair?”

    “Not one of which I’m aware, but I don’t believe they’re all functional.”

    “So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Baby, can’t do this to me baby. Just gotta get out. Just gotta get right outta here. Nothing really matters, anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters to me. Any way the wind blows.”

    Trying to stay together is even more difficult this time, because the amount that it was offset last time added to its craziness. But, hey, my ear plugs worked. 

    I call that a win.

    “How’d your ear plugs work for you?”

    “I think my brain’s telepathic vibes just aren’t good with technology, because they wanted to be difficult. But I got them to turn on and off with a little persuasion.”

    “That’s the exact feedback I needed. I’ll try to adjust the frequency detector’s sensitivity, and you can go back to playing Torchlight if you want.”

    “Nah. If I leave, you’ll hail Biana again and talk about why you’re hailing for zero-point-zero-zero-one-seven seconds before getting off track.”

    Thank the stars I have a very strong curse word filter from brain to speech.

    “H-how much did you-did you hear yesterday?” 

    “The majority of it. I didn’t quite hear the beginning…”

    Instinctively, I wrap myself into a blanket burrito, but I can barely feel it. 

     “I didn’t mean to listen. Biana leaves her door open, and I don’t tell my ears to hear, they just do. Can we just pretend that never happened?”

    Fitz reaches for my shaking hand, and I flinch like I’ve been electrocuted at his touch, which sends lightning through my nervous system.

    Holding back panicked tears, I whisper, “You won’t think of me the same way and I…I won’t be able to forget that you know. You know everything.”

    “Yeah, you like guys. I’m still here. I haven’t run away. I know you can’t control who your heart fixates on—that little preposition can go—. I know you can’t control on whom your heart decides to fixate.”

    “I’m a guy and my heart’s decided that it wants another guy. That doesn’t bother you? What about Alvar?”

    “The whole Alvar thing was because he couldn’t go three sentences before bringing it up again and I couldn’t believe that anyone would date that dirtbag willingly.”

    “It didn’t sound that way. It—it really didn’t.”

    “Sorry about that. If I’d known—.”

    “Exactly. That's why we can’t just move on like nothing’s changed. Because it has.”

    I wipe my nose on one of my blankets. 

    “It’s been really nice, you know, actually being friends with you these past few weeks. I’m sorry about ruining that.”

    “You didn’t ruin it. I did. I’m the one that has a massive crush on you.” 

    He stops for a second, and so does my heart.

    “Wait, what?”

    I retreat farther into my burrito. 

    Did he not hear me say that yesterday? Did I not mention at all that I like him?

    Stars, why do I do this to myself?

    A slight tug trying to dismantle my burrito only makes me tangle myself deeper into the blankets.

    “Dex, please,” Fitz begs. 

    “I’m going to stay here for the next century. At least. See you then.”

    “Will you at least talk to me?”

    “What is there to talk about?”

    “I don’t know, strategies for Magic, random things you learned on the Internet, the fact that you just ended a sentence in a preposition and didn’t care?”

    “What’s the point? It won’t be the same.”

    “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.” 

    There’s something about his tone of voice that makes me reluctant to fight him when he tries to unwrap my blanket burrito for a second time. 

    He’s smiling softly, and my heart skips another beat. 

    Fitz pushes a lock of hair behind my ear, and there’s so much electricity going into my nervous system, I may just pass out now. 

    But that’s nothing compared to when his hand cups the side of my face and breathing becomes impossible.

    He leans closer, closer, closer until he’s just a hair away. 

    “Maybe change isn’t such a bad thing,” Fitz whispers.

    He hesitates, lingering, waiting for me to close the gap.   

    If any of my higher functions were still working, maybe something in my brain would have told me to stop. 

    Instead, I lean forward those last inches and my eyelids flutter closed. 

    His lips are so soft and so inherently right.

    It feels as if time has stopped and all of eternity lies at our feet.

    His hand slips ever so slightly towards the back of my neck, pulling me even closer. 

    A single moment, stretching infinitely.

    I take the time to smile against his lips.  

    Then, too soon, much too soon, it’s over.

    Everything in me is begging for another kiss, another millisecond with his lips pressed against mine. 

    But, somehow, my eyelids open back up to find Fitz redder than I’d ever imagined he could be, and it calls attention to my own inferno of a face. 

    He’s smiling in full movie-star mode. 

    As I start leaning in for another kiss, his expression drops. 

    Turning into something mortified, scared, and a thousand other conflicting emotions all at once. 

    I know it well, to say the least. 

    It’s the look of ‘Oh stars, what did I just do?’

    “I…I can’t. I can’t,” Fitz whispers. 

    He pulls out his home crystal, and we’re both fighting to keep our emotions together long enough to collapse alone.

    I crawl back into my blanket burrito, and the tears start flowing. 

    What does any of that mean?

    What does anything mean?

    Does he like me back?

    If not, why did he kiss me?

    Is that what he was doing?

    What else could he have been doing?

    Did I read everything wrong?

    What did I do wrong?

    Why did it feel so right?

    So many questions, absolutely zero answers. 

    I mentally play the last few minutes over and over dozens of times, trying to figure out what went wrong. What on Earth I did wrong. 

    Even now, I want to hail him, beg him to explain something, anything.

    But that will push him further away. So much further away. 

    As if he wasn’t already too far away. 

    But why is he pushing himself away?

    Am I doomed to forever like people that are so far out of my league it’s hilarious?

    It’ll never be the same between us, that’s for sure. 

    But I find it excruciatingly difficult to believe him when he said that change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. 

    Some changes, maybe. But not this. Especially not this. Not again.

    Not anything recently.

    Not even in the slightest.

    Everything is falling apart. I don’t want to admit it, but that’s what’s happening. And my lies to make any friendship I had with Fitz fall apart is just the next casualty of this crumbling world. 

    Maybe if I hadn’t had to hide a thousand little things at once, it could have been different. 

    But that’s not the way this timeline works. This timeline is perfectly designed to make everything fall apart at the exact moment I hope to think it’ll all stay together. 

    I want to talk to Sophie. I want to talk to my best friend so badly I almost don’t care what that would mean. Coming out to someone else. 

    Enough people know already. Nobody else needs to know. Ever. 

   And I’m sure she’d love to know that her best friend just kissed her ex. That’s how friendships implode, I’m sure. I don’t need another friendship to implode today. 

    Which is why she doesn’t need to know. 

    I can figure this out. 

    I can figure out how to move on from that heart-stoppingly gorgeous boy on my own. 

    Somehow.