#i figure it would be funnier if i posted this here instead of my main | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years ago

Text

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 4: The EED: Emotional Exposition Dump. Or why THIS is not friendship

So here we are. The last part of this 45 page three parter, meant to be about what Sam really means to the crew. And what have we seen so far in the previous parts? That Sam is not just their underappreciated, but downright exploited slave (yeah, did you know that in ancient Greece slaves supposedly had more rights than Sam in this one? At least they could buy out their freedom one day), that Dobson has no idea how to genuinely pace a story, turning what could have been a decent 100 page story if planned out and presented with more care into a 45 page short snore fest and that Hat Andy’s idea for jokes are either based on abusing token buttmonkeys, turning annoying memes into even more unfunny jokes or making dark comedy with dead orphans.

At least when South Park makes jokes about children dying, they are appropriate in that dark setting and the death is still in some way handled or refered to as a horrific event. In Dobson’s case however, it just leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

Sorry, I just can’t get over the orphanage thing. If Dobson wanted the reason for Sam leaving be that he finds out someone he cared about from his old life is dead, that is one thing. But did this asshole have to destroy an entire building with countless victims to do it? Couldn’t he just have one person die and the rest be still at that place? Honestly, I think it would have been funnier and more meaningful emotionally, if Alex and Co actually interacted with people from Sam’s past and in doing so learn more about him as a person, by genuinely visiting a still standing orphanage. Give the comic some meat on the bones and in doing so actually create the impression this comic is truly about Sam and not just about characters doing random stuff in relation to finding him. Instead Dobson goes for a literal overkill, which he then does not even treat as a tragedy but as a joke.

Dobson, THIS is a better and more dignified joke about orphans than the shit you did.

youtube

You got outclassed by Chuck Lorree of all people on this planet, you disgrace of a storyteller. A storyteller who can’t even keep his own barely existing continuity in the Alex-verse straight, now that I think of it. After all, according to Legends, the orphanage was closed and all the orphans were sold out to others, with Sam being the last of the litter

Which again is just unintentionally more horrific than Dobson likely intented. But you know, dumb people don’t know when they do dumb shit.

But I digress Let us just get into the last part. In which we finally see the “emotional” pay off of everything that happened so far.

Spoilers, this is my reaction to that pay off.

And here is what everything led up to now.

Sam ran away, because he wants to say his final farewell to his sister figure, we never knew about at all and about whom we do not learn one single thing really.

Where do I begin with how this revelation fails?

Let’s start with the fact that this in execution does not have the emotional impact that was intended. And why is that? Because Dobson doesn’t bother to actually introduce us to the sister as a character.

If I may digress a bit to talk about One Piece here: In the manga, oftentimes Oda will “interrupt” an ongoing story arc to feature flashback chapters, through which he tells about past events referenced in the “present” chapters prior. Through those flashbacks he further gives meaning to why in present time the characters facing certain foes or having to win in their current situation, is so important, even on an emotional level. In short, those flashbacks are no interruptions, they are integral in giving those story arcs emotional weight.

Because now we are not just “told” why we should care about things and people, we have been shown why we should care. The old rule of “show, don’t tell” being followed on.

A good example from a more “recent” storyline I can think of, is through the flashback chapters of the Dress Rosa story arc, where we are not only being shown how De Flamingo took over the kingdom of Dress Rosa and brought pain and misery over its people for years to come, but also the past of characters such as the gladiator Rebecca and Mr. Soldier, her father figure that raised her up from the time she was 10 and De Flamingo took over… only for the flashbacks to also reveal properly how Mr Soldier is not just a father figure for her that took her in, but her biological father Kyros, who had been turned into a toy by one of De Flamingo’s henchmen via a power, that also took Rebecca’s memories of her dad away so she never identified the toy as her dad.

This way Oda achieves multiple things at once; Among other things, he establishes how evil De Flamingo is, how tragic Mr Soldier and Rebecca’s lives really are, adding to us the readers wanting to see them and Luffy beat De Flamingo into a pulp and it makes the later “present day” moment when Mr. Soldier and many other victims turn back to normal and Rebecca regains her memories and is reunited with her dad so much more sweeter. Cause now we care.

Truth be told, I myself believe that Oda is one of few storytellers on this planet, who truly has “mastered” the technique of emotional flashback storytelling.

A technique Dobson could have used in this part of the story, but didn’t. Cause honestly, the way he tells how Sam’s sister was “important” to our poor cabin boy is not emotionally engaging from a storytelling perspective. We are told she is important, but we learn genuinely nothing about her, not even what her name was and what she looked like except from that one picture in the locket from over 15 pages ago. Nothing about how “close” she and Sam truly were is revealed through showing, only telling and as such we don’t even begin to care for her relationship with Sam and how her loss is genuinely important to him. So the main goal of this story, to make us the readers feel something for Sam aside of pity for how he is treated by his supposed friends, has not been achieved.

… Dobson, you are a hack. You can’t even use flashbacks, a basic technique in the realm of storytelling, to show us why we should “care” more, heck, even at all, about Sam and his loss.

If you just had adjusted a few things, you could have had something good here.

By adjustments I mean the following: Take the first page of this chapter as well as the first panel of the second page, and combine them into the final page of the previous chapter. In doing so creating a proper cliffhanger for part two. Then start chapter 3 of with a few pages (lets say 6 or so) showing young Sam and his sister interacting in the orphanage in doing so turning her from a nameless plotdevice into a genuine person to care about. And then use content of page 2 and 3 of this chapter, to elaborate on their relationship, potentially with small cuts always between present day Sam at the grave explaining himself and saying his farewells, with pictures of the past showing what they meant to each other.

But nope. This very basic idea a fanfic writer now has come up with, a fanfic writer who never studied literature or took writing classes by the way, something I doubt you did at college the more I read your work, has never crossed your “superior” mind.

Also, I find Sam’s text on page 3 really, really backwards in a way. Like, I get that we are meant to consider it a good thing Sam is this way. You know, being genuinely selfless and wanting to make others happy. And don’t get me wrong, generosity and selflessness are virtues I hold in high regard. But the way Sam talks about how he just wanted her to be happy while sacrificing any fulfillment of basic needs for himself feels more like a pathological disorder in that case than something to reach for. In fact, psychology speaks from different forms of generosity and the thing Sam describes here is likely “compulsive giving” or “unrelenting generosity”, a pathological variant that can be highly toxic for all people affected by it.

Funny how Dobson, a person who wants to claim he is all for mental healthcare, is essentially “promoting” the positivity of a psychological disorder via Sam.

Then again, this also feels more like Dobson putting words into Sam’s mouth (in a literal sense) to retroactively make Sam’s treatment look less horrid. Cause now Sam doesn’t just do all the work because he is ordered around, he deep down is “happy” doing all of the work and gain not even some basic respect in return, because he cares so deeply for his friends.

… I feel myself get livid again here.

And the next few pages don’t really help me “calm down”.

Cause now the “justifications” just go on. The thing that is meant to be a heartfelt farewell turning into Sam “justifying” that hey, it must be good that he ended up with Alex and her crew. Cause after all, by being abducted years ago and being treated as a slave who in the ginger’s eyes is worth less than lint, he likely avoided dying of shitting his pants and a crushing roof. Ignoring the fact that he was going to be sold out anyway back then and would have potentially ended up with a more generous master than the crew of non Captain Syrup.

Also, just all of the shit going on in page 6. Sam asking his “sister” to be at peace, when likely, if the girl could still talk, she may even just ask Sam the following: Who the heck are you. Cause really, if you think about it, if Sam did all the nice things for her in secret, did the girl even realize she had a “big brother” figure to watch over her? Also, him saying he is happy and he is doing quite alright for himself?

All the pictures of him sighing and looking in misery in this story alone, plus the cavalry of strips I posted about how Sam is abused in the first part of this post series tells me another story.

Finally, Sam’s message “At least now, we are both free”? Sam, she is dead, likely having died in pain when a house crushed on her, weakened by a deadly disease and traumatized by other children around her dying of said disease. And you are stuck with a bunch of people that haven’t shown to care for you up until this story and the only reason they may even care for you now is out of “sympathy” because you lost your sister figure, not because they genuinely love and care for you as a person. As far as I am concerned, you would be better off being the slaveboy of some nymphomanic pirate princess in the world of Berserk than you are on this plane of existence.

And now that the “emotional” farewell is out of the way, Dobson can go back to focus on the characters he really cares about in this shit anyway: Little Bitch Annie, lesbian chocolate rain Miroku and Deadpool’s pubes.

Oh Alex, you are such a rascal. You really make me want to shoot you with a crossbow, stab you in the eye, hurl you out a window and shove explosives where the sun won’t shine.

Yeah yeah, you are a pirate, but that doesn’t mean you need to be that awful as a person or even protagonist.

Christ. For someone who complains how toxic Walter White is to the point he believes “sympathizing” with the character turns you into a nazi, Dobson certainly is blind to how awful Alex really is, particularly as protagonist in a comic series intented for little kids. Compared to her, I can think of freaking slasher movie villains with more of a moral compass. Like say what you want about Jigsaw, at least he never victimized genuine children or teenagers.

And Talus, thanks for ruining the “emotional” moment Sam “earned” by pointing out how weird it is he kissed a gravestone. Also, I am glad I know what happens in the next pages or else I would assume Alex’s great idea includes to dig up his sister and turn her into a life sized doll for Sam to cuddle.

No, their ideas to assure he is emotionally save and to redeem themselves for years of taking him for granted/hurting him, is to throw him a surprise party.

… you know, I think you may be the only individuals in fiction, that Pinkie Pie would think do not deserve to throw a party or get one thrown for.

But I guess Sam is just so nice, he even throws you a party for no apparent reason.

Either that or now that his “sister” is dead he will overcompensate even more and this is the next destructive stage of his compulsive generosity.

… Sam, I am sorry for your loss. But you need to get help. Once by the authorities who will hopefully get rid of Alex and then by some psychologist who helps you redefine your own self worth.

By the way, I find it funny that the banner he made also actually only mentions Talus, Atea and Captain Daphne with a bad hair day. It just confirms that Peggy either never bothered to join the others or that Dobson developed an early onset of dementia and totally forgot about the fact that the midget is a genuine character in this trainwrack. And I am convinced the later is the case, which really just makes me wonder how someone is able to do that. To forget a major character of the thing they create and want to turn into a money making franchise. Imagine if Disney did e.g. a sequel to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, only to forget about the god damn dwarves themselves.

At least Talus finally realizes he is unworthy to get a party thrown or be Sam’s friends. Good. Now jump into a wood chipper and free ourselves from your existence you dog beaver thing.

Content of the next page in a just alternate universe… Alex: You are a better human being than I could ever be and this is all because my creator is a hack who does not know how to create genuinely likable personalities.

The reality:

FUCK YOU, ALEX! FUCK YOU AND THE BIKE PUMP YOU FLEW IN ON! Atea and Talus have learnt more than you about what it means to be a friend and they don’t even bother to punch you in the face for still being the biggest red haired raging cunt since Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

If this is how Dobson thinks “friends” should treat each other, it is no wonder he has a friendless background. Hey, Hat Andy, if you want to emulate manga, may I suggest you just become even more blatantly about it and simply copy paste One Piece? Cause Luffy at least knows how to be a friend. How much does he care for his friends, strangers and even at times former enemies of his?

He cares so much, that e.g. when a special military force that beat the crap out of him got hands on his crewmate Nico Robin, he did THIS:

youtube

He declared war on the world government. Fuck, even Jack Sparrow, who is an opportunistic jackass, in a movie where everyone stabs the others at least three times in the back, was less selffish than Alex, when he gave up his chance on immortality as Captain of the Flying Dutchman, just so Will would live in some form.

Metalbeard from the Lego Movie cared more about doing the right thing than anyone in Alex the pirate did. You created the worst friends and “heroes” I have ever seen in a webcomic since the entirety of sinfest. Congratulations for that accomplishment, Dobson. It really takes a special kind of anti-talent to show such level of not understanding the power of friendship as one of the most basic tropes in storytelling, to the point a show about pastel colored equines managed to profit of it for nine years.

WOOOOO! We are the worst, we are the worst!

And look, Uncle Pennywise’s scrotum is back.

Anyway, here are the last two pages of this thing, to end on what is meant to be a whimsical note because Sam actually gets something from Alex that is not a beating or verbal abuse.

Too bad anything that would feel heartwarming about this is drowned by a) me actually remembering all the shit Alex, the crew and the writer pull to get to this point (from abusive neglect of the characters to pathetic emotional manipulation on a narrative level) and b) the weird rapey face Uncle Peggy makes in the picture. Like Jesus, did Dobson try to emulate the Burger King here?

But hey, this story is over. And who knows, perhaps from this moment on, Sam will actually be treated better overall in the comic and Dobson will spend time actually developing an overall plot and the world of this com-

Tom Kenny: ONE COMIC STRIP LATER

And it is back to business as usual.

... How much would I need to pay for someone on the internet to write an alternate ending to the story where it turns out Sam actually poisoned the food at the party and while Alex is slowly dying, a now evil Sam who has finally broke under years of abuse, is going to become a genuine threatening pirat? that is after he villain monologues to Alex how much she sucks before scalping her?

Wow, I am entering a dark place right now. I think I need to take a break.

So I am going to give my final verdict on this story with the next post around the weekend most likely. Cause that is how much time I will now spend rereading One Piece and watching the Pirates of the Carribean movies in addition to playing the Pirates level of Kingdom Hearts 3, in order to forget this shit and remind myself why I think pirates are cool.

#andrew dobson #alex ze pirate #fuck you #hat andy #tom preston #so you are a cartoonist #syac #comic #webcomic #pirates #sam the cabin boy #atea #talus #one piece #magic of friendship this is not

69 notes · View notes

bubbleteakoala · 5 years ago

Text

Hey guys! Since we’re all at home, why not practice your target languages a bit? Here’s a list of movies, tv shows, as well as variety shows in Chinese! For those of you who don’t learn Chinese, this is also a great way to entertain yourselves while learning a bit more about the world and Chinese culture(s). I’m not sure where you can watch these cause that would depend on the country you are in and etc. Anyways, let’s go!

那些年

(10/10) Iconic. A true story too! From what I remember, it follows the love story of a guy who tries his best to get better grades in order to get the girl. Eventually they go to college and they split because of this stupid fight. It’s a great story revolving around the idea that when you love someone you just want them to be happy, even if it isn’t with you. There is a book for those of you who are interested, but from what I heard many details were left out of the movie.

我的少女时代

(7/10) Another iconic one, however I feel like it’s too similar to 那些年. It’s about a good girl that pairs up with this bad boy (cliche I know) just to split up their crushes who *seem* to be together. There’s also this whole backstory about how the bad boy and the girl’s crush were friends until an unfortunate event. Unlike 那些年 it has a happy ending! (But personally it was too idealistic)

快把我哥带走

(10/10) God I love this movie so much! I literally cried at the end! It’s a heartwarming movie about a girl who wishes that her older brother, who annoys her a lot, doesn’t exist. She wakes up after this and enters a world where her brother is now her best friend’s brother. By observing her brother and her best friend, she starts to miss having a brother. Eventually, she learns that everything her brother does was for a reason and tries to reverse her wish. (I really don’t want to spoil it please watch it it’s so good!!)

小小的愿望

(8.5/10) Mainly about friendship and a brotherly bond. Two best friends try to grant the last of the trio’s dying wish. Which proves to be quite hard hahaha... it’s quite comical but the ending is what really hits you. I cried in this one too... would definitely recommend to watch at least once! (Oh right, and one of the actors is the brother from 快把我哥带走 and another is the main guy from 我的少女时代)

少年的你

(8/10) Not really my type of movie, but it’s still pretty good. It talks about bullying, shows the repercussions of it, and mixes in the kind of romance you have in your youth. It was really popular when it came out here, so watching it may give you some convo topics with natives~

小欢喜

(11/10) I’m serious. This is one of the best shows I’ve seen. It focuses on three families and their children in their last year of High School. Each family has their own problems which they eventually overcome: separated parents, parents who were absent, pressure on grades and school, depression, etc. The children also mature and grow as the story progresses. It’s a pretty modern tv series, so it’s easy to follow. It shows modern culture pretty well, but keep in mind that it takes place in Beijing, so it’s gonna be different for other regions. It’s also loosely based on the series 小别离 that focuses on middle school instead of high school, so check that one out too!

亲爱的，热爱的

(7.5/10) Ok if you like those mushy, cringy, romance type of stories, this one’s for you. As long as you survive the first 2 or 4 (?) episodes, the story gets better. It’s a pretty interesting series that revolves around this competition called CTF (I really don’t remember what it’s called sorry!) that’s basically like defense and hacking. So Guy 1 was a famous player but is now the CEO of a company/agency for young boys who are in the competition now. Enter Girl 1, a college student (masters I think) that’s smart, pretty, kind, yep. All that. It’s a story about how their each other’s first love and how they both navigate their lives after that. Honestly, I watch it when I’m in the mood. It’s not that bad.

最好的我们

(7/10) Some of you may have watched the movie but my sister swears that this one is better. From what my mum says it’s based on a book too?? If you like school dramas, like 那些年, then you’re gonna like this one. Follows the characters through their 3 years of high school, and shows how they grow, mature, and figure out their lives. Some falls in love, some realizes that the ups deserve better. And then there’s our main couple...SLOW BURN. YES ITS SO SLOW. BUT ITS SO GOOD. So check this one out if you have the time

闪光小女

(8.5/10) I didn’t like this one at first, but it got better. It’s about a group of kids in a music school and how they want to perform on stage. They major in Chinese traditional instruments, but the school prefers those who major in western instruments so they don’t get any opportunities at all. Also, most people nowadays learn western instruments like the piano more, so less and less kids are learning traditional instruments. It’s a story about growing up, the pains of it, staying true to yourself, and also standing up for yourself. It may seem weird at first, but it has a lot of life lessons that you can take form it. There’s also a movie too, but trust me, this one is better.

向往的生活

(10/10) YASSS THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. Ok so I mainly only watched the 3 season since it has the actors for 快把我哥带走 in it (yes I like it that much). For the start of every episode, the 嘉宾 (the ones that are invited to film... what are they called....I can’t remember it in English..) of the previous episode leaves in the morning, then in the afternoon, new ones come!! It’s like farm life in China. The 嘉宾 tells the hosts what they want to eat, then once they come, they have to help the host prepare the dish by harvesting the food, catching the fishes, etc. It also has a lot of life lessons from it. So I recommend this to anyone who likes foods, culture, and wants to take a break from busy lives (... well I don’t know if that would have the same effect now since we’re all at home...)

中餐厅

(9/10) I also only watched the 3rd season for this one. So the third season is about a group of celebrities (and one chef) that travels to Italy, and starts a Chinese restaurant there. It shows them managing it, buying ingredients, cooking, designing a menu, and basically trying to survive. They have a quota that they have to reach by the end of the season. Oh and they also get wages, which is pretty cute since they use it for treats when they’re not working. Another one for the foodies!

密室大逃脱

(9/10) Oh yessss, ok so my mum, my sister, and my sister’s classmates are obsessed with this one. For those of you that don’t know, 密室s are like escape rooms, and it’s like a whole culture here. It’s what you would go play with friends, and each has a different theme and mystery that you have to solve to get out. It’s also pretty creepy cause of how real everything is. But anyways, there are two versions of this show: a pro version that shows how the pros solve it, and the celebrity version. Personally I haven’t seen the pro version, but my sister says that the celebrity version is funnier and more realistic cause most of the time they can’t figure it out and gets trapped in a room for hours (then one of the members starts to eat the props, those that are food btw, not like plastic). So this one is great for those who likes suspense and comedy mixed together.

Extra:

朋友请听好

(?/10) This one is pretty new. My mum has been watching this one lately and she says it’s great. It’s a show about a group of celebrities that starts their own radio show, I believe. From what my mum says it has a lot of life lessons in it. Check it out.

(This is my Week 4 post for the langblr activation challenge, you can find my other post here: Week 1, Week 2, Week 5)

103 notes · View notes

spnreactions · 4 years ago

Text

Alright! Let’s get started!

This is actually copied and pasted from my main blog, where I posted this last night. From here on out, though, I’ll be posting them on here first and then re-blogging them on my main blog, because I can.

And, fair warning, I get very excited and very into this show, so the reactions list will probably be pretty long. XD

And now, without further ado, let’s watch 15x14: Last Holiday. <3 <3

Oh we’re starting!

...did I miss the “then” title card?

Oh wait there it is.

Dude we’re going FAR back on this “then”. I wonder what that means?

My poor baby crying again. :(

DEAN’S APRON OH MY GOD I’M DEAD! XD XD <3 <3

“It was. In the 50s.” Point taken.

My poor baby. :( :( :( :(

Oh so killing Amara is officially a plan? Okay then.

“I’ve killed Hitler.” I can’t believe he’s still talking about that! XD

Actually I can believe he’s still talking about it, I take that back.

DEAN WITH THE MARIO BROTHERS OMG!!

Okay, I know this episode has something to do with them celebrating holidays because of a fairy or nymph or something like that, and this is already feeling like a light-hearted, fun, domestic Winchesters episode. I hope it stays that way. <3

Have you tried turning it back off and turning it on again? Hit reset.

HE READ MY MIND!

MEAT MAN!! XD XD

Ummm...okay then.

Also SCOOBY-DOO UNDIES!!! DEAN YOU DORK!! XD XD <3

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, Jack is my favorite and Dean is my second-favorite.

“Language!” “That’s it I’m getting my gun.” XD XD

I can already tell that so many of my reactions are probably just gonna be me quoting and then laughing. XD

They don’t seem very concerned? Shouldn’t random people not be able to get in?

This lady is such a mom omg.

Mrs. Butters? XD

Wood nymph. Got it.

“Shouldn’t you be in the woods somewhere? Nymphing?” XD XD (P.S. That was my mom’s favorite line in this episode. XD)

You what now?

Necessities of life?

Hmmm….I like her, but she weirds me out. Something is off.

Dean’s “oof that’s awkward” face. XD

“2020.” Hearing that year said out loud just feels...oof. Just oof.

Poor nymph…

Wait, haven’t we seen those symbols before? Maybe I’m making that up.

HA! “It’s kind of been one apocalypse after the other.” He’s not kidding.

OOOOH!! HERE COME THE HOLIDAYS!!!

WAIT WHAT IS THAT TELESCOPE THING?

WAIT WAIT WAIT WHAT??!! A MONSTER radar??!! Dude WHAT?! Man, they’ve needed something like that for YEARS!

Wait wait wait...relatively nearby….it’s not gonna ping because of Jack is it?? SHE’S NOT GONNA HURT JACK IS SHE??!!

Oh okay nevermind. Just a vamp nest.

Say what now?

We can...that just...umm...okay then??

“Heck...heck yeah.” XD XD XD

Yeah I’m with Sam on this one. She seems innocent, but, like…

Dean does have a point though.

But also things like this never last. It’s too good to be true.

MY BABY!!!

“She’s probably harmless, but just in case, watch yourself”?? Dean that was a terrible way to do that but okay.

Snickerdoodles. XD

My poor baby looks so lost. :(

I mean...Dean makes a good point there. But also the son of Satan is adorable and she’s suspicious. But anyways.

“Ignoring your trauma doesn’t make you healthy.” SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT OMG!!! XD XD XD <3 <3 <3 <3

...Jack is hiding something? IS JACK HIDING SOMETHING?!

...do we know what Jack is hiding??

The only thing I can think of is that he knows about Cas’s deal with the empty, but he had a soul when that happened, and it wasn’t really eating at him then. Is it eating at him more now for some reason??

IS JACK HIDING SOMETHING??!!

Jesus christ this is gonna bother me…

Okay but when has that ever actually worked, Dean?

Awww….

I’m guessing they didn’t tell her he’s a nephilim? If they don’t really trust her--which they don’t--they shouldn’t. Is there a chance she knows already? I feel like she wouldn’t be acting like that if she did.

Vamps watching a movie with vamps. Classy. XD

...ew…

At least they’re drinking from bags instead of from humans I guess?

Nice slicing at the same time, boys.

Huh. Well. That was easy. Too easy?

CHRISTMAS! XD <3

THE TRAIN OMG!! XD XD <3 <3

Their faces. XD

HER DANCE!

Okay she’s kind of adorable not gonna lie.

“We are so keeping her.” XD XD

DEAN’S LITTLE EXCITED HANDS ON THE RAILING OMG I’M DEAD!! XD XD <3 <3 <3

If I can’t get adorable Jack right now, I’m okay with adorable Dean. XD <3 <3

Sam is still suspicious, but Dean is totally into it.

“Enjoy the world you’re fighting for.” That was really quick and so subtle, but d*mn that’s a good line.

MY BABY!!!!

HIIIII JACK!!! I MIIIIISSSSSED YOOOOOUUU!!! <3 <3 <3

Uh-oh. I don’t like the way she said “what are you”. DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY BABY!!!

“He’s a millennial.” XD XD

DEAN IN THAT NIGHTGOWN OMG!!! I know it was in the promo photos, but seeing it in the context of the episode is even funnier. XD

Sam’s gagging at his bro’s “down there” bits lol.

Oof. She is VERY absentminded by Jack and whatever he is. No likey.

...hmm. I still don’t trust her with Jack.

“Poppycock”???

HA!! “I’m worried about your cholesterol.”

And Sam and Jack’s little smiles at that omg. <3 <3 <3

“We got one!” IS THAT A HILLYWOOD PARODY REFERENCE/GHOSTBUSTER REFERENCE??!! Because IT FEELS LIKE ONE!!!

The way they’re running to their rooms to get ready omg.

And that cut to them being dressed and going.

LUNCHES!! XD

Their faces! XD

The cinematography in this episode is AWESOME. Go Serge Ladouceur (and yes, I looked that name up. XD)

No crusts. Blessed knives. “I just waxed it.” She IS a mom!

Wait no. Take Jack with you. I don’t trust her with him.

“What shall we do with you.” LEAVE HIM ALONE IS WHAT!

Oh. They’re doing dishes.

WAIT DON’T TELL HER THAT JACK!

...I don’t like the way she’s talking to him.

Oof. Mary. *gags*

Jack you’re adorable and I love you but please stop being so gullible and stop sharing so much personal information.

WAIT NO! I know you feel guilty, but DON’T TELL HER YOU KILLED HER!

...dangat.

...oh. That was actually super sweet, and honestly the EXACT thing Jack needed to hear. ...maybe she’s not so bad?

...wait what? She just...pulls those out of thin air?

Ha! Another hunt

THEIR FACES WITH THE LUNCHES! ESPECIALLY DEAN’S!! XD

Aww! Thanksgiving! <3

Where is Cas during all this? Talking to his angel friends I guess?

That finger gun at Sam omg.

It’s so EASY for them wow.

Halloween! Fitting given our current season.

Their little smiles awww!!

THE BEERS TOGETHER HOLY FRICK!!! IT’S JUST LIKE WHAT TEAM FREE WILL 2.0 DID WHEN JACK CAME BACK! AND what the boys and Mary and John did in Lebanon! NEVER GETS OLD!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!! <3 <3

...I still don’t necessarily trust Mrs. Butters. BUT I LOVE SAM AND DEAN AND JACK!

Those faces for the lunches just get better and better.

GRENADE LAUNCHER!!

MJOLNIR OMG NO WAY!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE HE STILL HAS IT!!! THIS EPISODE HAS SO MANY EASTER EGGS OMG!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Also that is an AWESOME shot.

BIRTHDAY!! Awww… <3 <3

OOF. Poor Dean. XD

Jack’s laugh and then immediately being like “oop” and bringing his head down but still chuckling when Dean glares at him I CAN’T. XD XD

I LOVE THIS FAMILY!! <3 <3 <3

AWW!! She made extra for him!

Okay, I like her. But I’m still cautious.

Oh. THERE it is.

What’s she doing??

Jack’s got you lady.

My mom is wondering why she has to walk away to make another smoothie when before she was just producing them. I’m wondering if maybe she has to near the ingredients to whip it into a smoothie magically, but that seems weird...continuity error?

Get her, Jack. My smart boi. <3 <3

My Mom: “You better hurry it up there, Jack.”

Oh it’s evil Men of Letters dude. NOW I get why we went that far back.

Oh! AND the Thule. NOW I get why Dean mentioned killing Hitler again. Wow. Nice connections on this episode all around. Go writers.

...she did what now?

WTF??!!

HOLY FRICK!!!

HOLY S*** HOLY S*** HOLY S***!!!

Do NOT ask about tea or cookies after you just pulled sh** like that.

On a more positive note, the way Jack just said “son of a bitch” out of nowhere like that is so adorable because he, like, NEVER swears, but also that’s Dean’s saying and it just proves that he’s taking after his dads and just already growing up and AHHHH I LOVE HIM!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

Also Jack please go tell your dads what you found.

Okay so during the commercial break, my mom and I looked up wood nymphs and had this big discussion and here’s kind of what we came up with:

So we were trying to figure out if wood nymphs are supposedly evil, and we didn’t find much, but they do have super strength (which explains her ability to rip off that dude’s head…), and the ability to control wood and nature, which might explain why she can pull smoothies out of thin air.

So then we saw on the SPN Wiki page for this episode that part of the description mentions that the wood nymph would do anything for her family, and that makes me wonder if she has, like, ulterior motives to protect her wood nymph family? But also, she said the Men of Letters were her family, so that translates to Sam and Dean now, right? So theoretically, she wouldn’t hurt them, she’d be trying to protect them. Which means they should be fine, because she only hurts threats. But then my mom pointed out that maybe she considers Jack a threat and that’s a really good point, so now I’m worried all over again. She’s still acting weird with him, and even though I did like that little advice she gave about second chances, maybe it’s all an act? My mom thinks she, like, poisoned his sandwich or something with anti-nephilim juice in order to try to hurt him, but that was before she knew he was a nephilim, right? I don’t know. I think my mom makes a really good point. I hope my baby winds up being okay. :(

Okay. Back to the episode now.

Ahhhhhhhh noooooo. Where are the boys when we need them?

Wait, DATE?? EILEEN??!!

No. He isn’t. Go away.

Sam look at yoooooooouuuu. <3

But also please take a moment to notice how uncomfortable your son is and ask him what’s wrong please and thank you. (And yes, I will keep saying son thank you very much.)

Ha! She wants him to get a haircut just like Dean does. The joke’s about Sam’s (and, by extension, Jared’s) hair will never not be funny.

Ha! “Language.”

YES!! EILEEN!!!

YES SAM!! GO GET YOUR GIRL!!

DEAN! XD

Okay the Sam and Eileen thing is adorable, and Sam and Dean’s banter is hilarious, but guys...look at your son please and thank you. :(

I’m so torn between wanting Sam to just be happy and enjoy himself and wanting him to help Jack ahhhhhh.

Sam can go on his date. I’m sure Dean can handle it.

Roses! Nice touch.

Ha! Dean with the supportive big bro action.

Such. A. Mom.

“Boys.”

Wait nooooooo.

Okay but Alex’s acting right there...tip top. So subtle. Jack is trying so hard to be sneaky and warn Dean about what he saw, and the way Alex is conveying pure panic but also showing how sneaky he’s being is AWESOME.

Also that little “sh*t” or “da**it” or whatever it was that he mouthed? Somehow so cute and makes me so worried at the same time.

“The Dean Cave”?? XD XD

Dean I am BEGGING YOU, please take a cursory glance at your son.

...da**it...

The subtitles say “suspenseful music plays” XD XD

Wait Jack noooo. Don’t go after her alone! Chase Dean instead!!

NOOO!! NOT IN THERE!!!

She’s totally gonna trap him in there.

...what?

She’s being so condescending shut the fudge up.

What? No.

Does he still not have a soul? Is that what he’s hiding? That wouldn’t make sense.

Oh wait. I get it now.

HE IS NOT!!! SHUT THE FUDGE UP LADY!!

LADY STOOOOOP! HE DOESN’T NEED YOUR SH**!! HE ALREADY FEELS GUILTY WOULD YOU QUIT IT??!! :’( :’( :’( :’(

HEY! NOT COOL!

I HOPE SOMEONE RIPS YOUR HEAD OFF B***H!!

They’re not. They know he won’t now.

SHUT UP LADY!!

HEY!!! STOP IT!!! LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!

TAKE HER DOWN JACK!!!

He IS family!

...ummm...what??

GOD DA**IT!!

...my mom literally just said “told you so” about the poisoning. ...which also explains why she walked away to make another smoothie, because she WANTED him to find the video, says my mom. And yes, my mom was right, AND I HATE IT!! SCREW YOU LADY!! LEAVE MY BABY ALONE!!

It IS safe you B**CH!!

HE’S NOT A MONSTER!!! :’( :’( :’(

DA**IT!! DEAN PLEASE DO SOMETHING!!

Ha! He’s so excited about the sandwich and it’s adorable.

But also save your son!!

...wait what?

She’s...she’s really just gonna out herself like that?

Ha! YES!

Aww...Dean’s so disappointed. :(

BUT! He’s sticking up for his son! Because even if he’s mad at him for everything that happened to Mary (but also get over it, because she sucked anyways, Dean XD), of course he’ll still protect him.

Ha! The way he just takes it away…

Aww...poor baby. :(

He’s so disappointed. He deserves better. I feel bad for him. :(

HE IS NOT! SHUSH!

Aww...looking at the sandwich, but making the right call.

AWW! He’s trying. Best of both worlds.

Take the deal, lady.

DA**IT!!!

SERIOUSLY?!

SERIOUSLY???!!!

Screw you, lady.

HEY! NOT FAIR!

He is NOTHING like his father, thank you very much!

Well...now what??

Oh thank god, Sam’s home. He’s smart. He’ll find a way to get them out.

Her calling him Samuel is both hilarious and annoying, somehow. I think it’s only annoying now because I hate her with what she just did to my boys. XD

OOOOF.

She gonna out herself again?

Sam’s face when she said that about good news and bad news. XD

I suppose the benefit of having a bad guy who thinks they’re doing the right thing is that she’s not trying to hide it. So hopefully, if she outs herself again, Sam can deal with it a little better than Dean did, knowing Dean was not very successful lol. Dean let his love of her food get in the way. XD

She DID out herself!

Ha! “You were always the smart one.”

YES! Good job, Sam. Starting off strong. <3

YES! GOOD JOB SAM!! Nice manipulation.

Ha!

Can’t believe she’s asking about the date.

Actually yes I can. XD

Wait, why don’t WE get to hear about the date? I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THE DATE DA**IT!

Well, DUH, Sam, you think they don’t know that?

Dean OMG!! XD XD

SUPPORTIVE BIG BRO!! XD XD

In Dean’s defense, he knew she’d wait for Sam, so...it’s not like they were REALLY in danger.

Do NOT try shooting her. Are you kidding me right now?

...really Sam? REALLY?! You’re going to try to SHOOT her?? You’ve seen what she can do, and you’re going to try to SHOOT her? She got the jump on JACK. POWERED UP Jack. Really? Call me crazy, but I feel like that’s not gonna work.

Yes. Yes he is. ...so much for Sam being the smart one.

I want to be mad at them for getting distracted by the holidays, but also I can’t exactly blame them given their childhoods, so…

Ha! The way they both react to the Boxing Day breakfast. Such brothers. XD

There ya go. Good plan. MUCH better than shooting her. Thank you boys.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!! Is this where we’re gonna get the “you sure this is gonna work” “let’s say yes” scene from the promo?? I THINK IT IS!! (Okay, so I MAY have watched that particular five second scene a million and one times because it had my boys in it, but I love them okay?? Sue me.)

Hey. Chill, Dean. Don’t yell at him.

Aww baby. :( :( :(

He doesn’t think you’re a monster. He’s just upset. :(

...uh oh. This convo is gonna be bad, isn’t it? :( :(

:’( :’( :’( :’( :’(

WAIT! “For a while” YES! THAT’S A GOOD THING!!

Oh wait. “Still am a little bit.”

“Evil Mary Poppins” XD XD

AWWW!! SEE JACK?! He DOES love you!! <3 <3 <3 <3

OKAY NEVER MIND THAT CONVO WAS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD!!! I need to break that down for a second.

That convo was short and subtle and to the point, but it says SO much about Dean and Jack’s relationship.

First of all, the fact that Dean decided to be honest with Jack instead of continuing to pretend everything’s fine shows how much he really does care about Jack and how much he still trusts him and loves him. He doesn’t open up often, and I’m glad he finally did.

Second of all, he may have been blunt, but there was so much affection hidden in the way he addressed all of that. I mean, he tells Jack that he used to be really mad, and he still kind of is, but then he reminds him that just because they’re in a rough patch right now doesn’t mean he wants to lose him. Yes, Jack made a mistake, and yeah, Dean’s finding it hard to get over it, but Jack’s family through and through, and that means that, no matter what, Dean’s going to look out for him. It’s the same way he treats Cas and, more notably, the same way he treats Sam. He’s giving Jack the family treatment. And THAT is a BEAUTIFUL thing.

All of that said, between all of the OG Team Free Will, Dean’s relationship with Jack will always be my favorite (probably mostly because they’re my two favorite characters, but also because they’re amazing together), so this convo makes me so freaking happy. <3 <3 <3 <3

Sam you are being not very sneaky.

SERIOUSLY SAM??!!

I take that back. Sam is not being smart about this. *eye roll*

UGGGGHHHHH.

WHERE IS CAS WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!

Actually quick side note, one that I’m adding now that I’ve finished the episode: not having Cas around TOTALLY makes sense. Explanation included in the review.

“Because you are my favorite.” XD XD XD

She shouldn’t still be making me laugh, but dangat she’s too funny. XD

Wait noooo. No torture allowed.

I KNEW IT!! I TOLD YOU!! I CALLED IT!! SCENE FROM THE PROMO!! XD XD <3 <3 <3

I LOVE DEAN AND JACK SO MUCH!! <3 <3 <3

Ha! Fixing his hands.

YIKES!

...but did the cuffs break at least?

HA! She actually converted him to not swear.

I love how Dean makes a point of swearing extra loud after he realizes what he did. I love him. XD XD <3

Oh frick, that didn’t break the cuffs? Are you kidding me? Stupid powerful magic…

OOH! Dean’s got an idea!

THOSE LITTLE SMILES I LOVE THEM!! <3 <3 <3 <3

OH SHUT UP LADY! Are you still talking??

...okay so...trauma.

Please listen to Sam.

YES HE IS SHUSH!

Just because he has blood on his hands doesn’t mean he’s not a kid. Just saying.

Okay so I kind of feel bad for her knowing what she’s been through, but also that does not excuse her behavior. However, I will take back what I said about someone ripping her head off. I suppose that isn’t really necessary.

That said, someone please do something. :( :(

WOULD YOU QUIT IT WITH THE FINGERNAILS SUPERNATURAL??!! I STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN OVER IT FROM THE CHRISTMAS EPISODE IN SEASON 3!!!

My mom and I are both turning away owwwwwww.

STOOOOOOOOOOP!!!

Jesus Christ lady!!

“Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” Dean what?! XD XD

HEY! Smart! Way to go you two!! <3 <3

And still helping his son up YES! <3 <3 <3

Okay that could not have been a more in character moment between Dean and Jack right there. Between the “not so bad” and the helping him up and the helping him walk down the hall and Jack just following him along and I just...I LOVE THEM OKAY!! <3 <3 <3

AHHH!! SHE TOOK OFF SO MANY FINGERNAILS JESUS!!

SHUT UP LADY!!

YES!

...Dean honey that was the reset button…

There’s no way that did the job. Too easy.

Problem not solved!! Problem DEFINITELY not solved!!

Creepy green eyes!!

Oh she looks maaaaad. That’s not good.

HEY!!! What happened to not hurting family??!!

LEAVE THEM ALONE!!

Which family??!! Cause YOU’RE the one destroying them!

No he won’t.

“You hurt him, you hurt us.” GREAT line!! YES SAM!! <3 <3 <3

Oooh!! He’s getting to her!! <3 <3

Oop. There’s our backstory. Mr. Cuthbert wouldn’t let her go back. Not that I’m surprised, given what he did to Dean all those years ago.

Yes. Yes he did.

YAY! Dean jumping in to save his son. <3

NICE! Good call, Dean! <3

THAT FACE!! Jack’s face!! <3 <3

YES!!!! YES!!! GOOD JOB BOYS!! <3 <3 <3

Awww….poor Mrs. Butters…

Okay now I feel really bad for her. And a little guilty that I called her a b***h. I’m still kind of mad at her, but...her motives make sense.

Hey yay! She healed him!

Wow, this nymph is POWERFUL. Now that she’s nice again, can we, like, actually keep her? Cause that’d be an awesome ally to have.

Aww...Jack being the one to voice their forgiveness. So pure, especially since she was after him all that time. <3

Awww….Dean wants her to stay. He’s so upset. XD

But he also gets it. :) <3

OMG!! That shot with all three of them looking at her and those sweet little smiles they give her as she’s talking about home. There was just so much...genuineness in that! I loved it! <3 <3

Jack being the voice again. <3

Okay, she looks hecka cute in that outfit.

Oof. That makes sense lol. It would be way too easy if it didn’t revert back.

...inter what now?

Oh shoot...that just proves Chuck destroyed all the worlds...lovely….

Awww!! <3 <3

Ha! Her little words of wisdom to them! To reiterate: SUCH. A. MOM. XD XD <3 <3

Sam and Dean’s smirks at each other when she tells them to do the same things they’ve been telling each other to do for years--eat your vegetables and cut your hair. XD

Awww….that little extra nose crinkle and smile at Jack when she tells him to save the world. <3

I also just realized that this breaks my theory that anyone who meets Jack instantly falls in love with him because of how adorable he is. Though, I guess she’s a little different given that extra little motivation to protect her family in the only way she knows how. Plus, trauma.

Oof. Bye bye extra magic.

Aww...this convo between Jack and Sam. <3 <3

Aww Jack… :( :(

You weren’t stupid, baby. You all fell for it. :(

Aww….he’s looking for faith from Sam.

And Sam just gave it to him. <3

I know the line seems desperate, and in a way, it is, but the way that Sam gave him a little smile shows that it’s more than that. They are desperate, and Jack is their only hope, but also, Sam knows Jack can handle it, because he does have faith in him. It’s a short convo, but it says so much.

That tin has a birthday cake for Jack, made by Dean. Calling it right now.

“He loves that apron.” XD <3 <3

I KNEW IT AND I LOVE IT OMG!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

THAT’S SO ADORABLE!!! And that is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT Dean’s way of telling Jack that he still loves him, and that he forgives him. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

THEIR LITTLE SMILES!! <3 <3 <3

I’M SCREAMING!!! ALL OF THEIR SMILES AT EACH OTHER I FREAKING LOVE THIS FAMILY!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I SERIOUSLY LOST ALL FUNCTIONALITY JUST NOW TO THE POINT WHERE I’M ADDING THIS COMMENT LATER BECAUSE AHHHH!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

AWESOME ending shot. It’s a great way to end a much more light-hearted episode while also setting us up perfectly for knowing that things are about to get heavy and serious. I bet whatever Jack wished for, it has something to do with taking on God.

Okay, so...those reactions were a lot longer than I was anticipating, and I want to apologize, but also, I did warn you. XD That said, review time!

I loved this episode! It was absolutely hilarious, but also sweet and touching. It mixed some crazy and fun moments with some of the most subtly emotional ones, both negative and positive. I absolutely loved all the Easter Eggs, and I loved watching the boys have a chance to celebrate holidays in a way that they never have before, especially with Jack. The facial expressions in this episode killed me. Between all of the little smiles and dorky excitement, I was laughing and smiling right along with the characters. Some stand-out moments/things for me:

That convo between Dean and Jack. I already broke it down above, but seriously, I love how they did that. As a huge fan of Dean and Jack and their relationship, the way that those two interacted this episode was beautiful and really sets up the fact that they’re going to need to lean on each other for support as a whole family in the coming fight, and I loved that. <3

Sam going on a date with Eileen! <3 Initially, I had a theory that Sam and Eileen would end up together at the end of all of this, but when she left a few episodes ago, I threw that idea out the window and it made me sad. So the fact that they went on a date and got to see each other again--even if we didn’t get to see it--makes me so happy and brings back my hope that they’ll end up being together. <3 That said, I am 100% going to write a fanfiction of that date, since Supernatural chose to keep it from us. XD

The acting really stood out to me in this one. Maybe it’s just because it’s been so long since I’ve seen them doing something new, but I honestly feel like J2 and Alex nailed it even more than usual. I mean, their facial expressions were seriously so amazing in this episode. Between the really dorky moments and the subtle emotional moments, I felt like their faces were always saying so much and I loved it. <3

One thing I want to address is the lack of Cas. I know a lot of people were upset that he wasn��t in it, especially since the boys were celebrating so many holidays with Jack, and while I agree that it would’ve been beautiful to have him there, it makes perfect sense that he wasn’t there based on the trajectory of the episode and everything that happened. For starters, if Cas had been there, the wood nymph business would’ve been solved INSTANTLY. Cas is always extra suspicious of people, so if she didn’t trust him because he was an angel, the odds of her getting the jump on him would’ve been slim. And yes, she did poison Jack with the smoothies, but, as this episode continued to point out, Jack is still a kid, so he’s still much more naive and gullible. Plus, he’s upset and guilty and confused and just generally vulnerable now that his soul is back, so it was easy for him to trust and be manipulated. But if Mrs. Butters had tried to do the same thing to Cas, (and I’m picturing that one scene with the milkshake in Peace of Mind here) there’s no way he would’ve fallen for it. More importantly, with how worried he is about Jack, he would’ve been really vigilant about the way she was talking to him and everything, and he probably would’ve caught the poisoning long before it could really hurt him. And you can argue that Sam and Dean probably should’ve picked up on it, which is true, however, even they admit that they get distracted in the fun of it all. While it would’ve been great to see Cas in on the festivities, he wouldn’t have been quite as distracted by it as the boys were, and with his vigilance, there’s no way any of them would ever have gotten hurt. He’d be watching Mrs. Butters like a hawk, and the second she did something suspicious, she’d be gone. That said, I can understand if people want to say that’s dumb, because if they didn’t want Cas to defeat the villain so easily, they shouldn’t have had a villain that could be so easily defeated by Cas, and I’m sure some people feel like that’s a stupid excuse. To which I also offer this. After seeing those convos between Dean and Jack and Sam and Jack, and knowing that the episode ends with the three of them celebrating Jack’s birthday, Cas’s absence makes even more sense: this episode wasn’t about him. I love Cas, but it didn’t need him. See, Cas already has an undying love for Jack. While Cas definitely saw Mary as family, he never had the same emotional connection to her that Sam and Dean did--for obvious reasons. But he definitely had--and still has--a very strong emotional connection to Jack. He’s always been the most involved in being Jack’s father--again, for obvious reasons. But even after the Mary incident, it was Cas who went to find him, who tried to help him, and who wanted to protect him. Cas always loved him and always trusted him, and he always will. But Sam and Dean lost a lot of trust for Jack after what happened to Mary...and this episode fixed that. Because Cas wasn’t around, it gave Jack a chance to prove himself to Sam and Dean again. Sam had already pretty much forgiven him, but Dean was definitely on the fence. He even says it. But the fact that Dean had that conversation with him and said everything he did proves that Dean still loves him, and it gave Jack the reassurance he needed that, while Dean is still mad, he doesn’t hate him, and he doesn’t think he’s a monster. And while Sam and Jack were on pretty good terms, Jack was still worried that Sam couldn’t trust him--that Sam didn’t have faith in him anymore. But when Sam tells him that he knows he can defeat God, Jack gets confirmation that Sam does still have faith in him. And after all of that, after celebrating all of those holidays together, and having both of those conversations, to then end that with Sam and Dean celebrating Jack’s birthday? That’s what this episode was about. Sure, it was a silly monster of the week episode. Sure, we got some adorable and hilarious moments. And sure, we got to see them celebrate things that they never got to celebrate in a real way before. But underlying all of that, we got to see Jack become part of Sam and Dean’s family again. We got to see them bond. And knowing that this is right before they all prepare to take on God--Jack needed that. The boys needed that. They needed to all trust each other again. And the fact that they celebrated his birthday at the end proves that they do. They’re a family again. They have each other’s backs. They trust each other. And they love each other. And as much as I love Cas, and as much as I would’ve loved to have seen him be a part of their holidays, he didn’t need to be. But those three did. And that’s why Cas wasn’t in the episode. So, frankly, full points to the writers for making that happen. While they gave us a fun episode, and they may have left out a fan favorite character, it created an underlying theme that’s really going to matter as we get into the big stuff of Season 15. And that’s awesome.

All in all, I thought this was a great episode, and I’m so glad that this is how we get to jump back into the season. Not only was this episode hilarious and fun, but it was also a great set-up for the coming battle and for all the hard and serious things that are bound to come in the next several episodes.

Rumor has it that this was the last “silly” episode of the show, and while that’s a sad thought to think about, it totally makes sense with what they did with the episode, and frankly, I think it’s a beautiful silly one to have ended on and a great way to lead into everything that’s coming next.

My Rating: 10/10

#spn #spn season 15 #supernatural #supernatural spoilers #15x14 #last holiday #supernatural season 15 #spn spoilers #season 15 #spn reviews #spn reactions #my opinion

9 notes · View notes

curapicas · 5 years ago

Text

Okay this is for like, 3 people

Please check it out in the phone, my layout is shit to read but it’s been 12 years since I’ve changed any of my blog settings and I no longer have energy to relearn how to do it

I promised (umprompted, on my own) to make a Scum Villain review, so here it goes:

in short, I liked it (aaaand there’s where the 3 people I wrote for get all the information they actually wanted, but whatever. You girls don’t get a say)

Obviously it’s hard to not compare it to mdzs, and they do feel like they were written by the same person, at least. The style of story, I mean. The writing style is completely different - because the main character is a millenial internet dudebro, and his thoughts are always there to remind us of this. In fact, I’m very curious to know how the original is written, since this genre tends to be written a bit more composed than THAT, right? XD (mxtx herself was worried that people wouldn’t like mdzs because it is very different of this 1st work of hers)

Anyway, it’s far more satirical than mdzs, and funnier than sadder. I still think mdzs is better overall, but that’s not to say Scum Villain dissapoints. In fact, I knew a bunch of mini spoilers, and still everything was a wild ride. I could hardly predict the turn of events. In fact, I predicted nothing. Thrice I made stupid faces in the subway to try and contain my laughter, so if nothing else, it’ll be fun. But remember, it’s still mxtx!

If there’s one thing that was annoying was the sheer volume of footnotes each chapter has. Shen Qingqiu, Why So Many References. But it’s cool that I had to read chapters of different translators, unlike mdzs, and compare their styles of translations, sometimes even with a chapter translated in two different sites, hah

Also... there’s a fine line between mxtx’s naming sense and the in-universe’s authors naming sense. Whenever you see a ridiculous name, mxtx is probably getting a kick out of it. In fact, the whole novel makes some remarks about webnovel publishing, fans and anti-fans receptions, not to mention an author deciding to give in to demands instead of writing a good story.

And have I mentioned the protag is an internet dudebro? A lot of the novel comes through his pov, so expect a more gendered language. tbh I don’t know what’s more surprising, that he was quick to accept Luo Binghe’s feelings once everything was said and done, or that he had been kissed in his previous life. You’re not gonna hear anything much about his previous life either btw, which is a bummer but maybe it’s the point. He was still pretty fun and engaging to me, maybe because like him I tend to think more than feel, have a terribly dry humor and value being practical. He’s still a kind person and a surprisingly loved father figure, LOL. (is it a spoiler if I say that we have an entire cast of scum villains, protag aside?)

Please, don’t skip the extras. They’re not easy to find but they’re all great

Also... the main pairing is otp alright, but unlike mdzs, I can see the appeal of a bunch of side pairings for the main character, too... There’s a lot of people romantically interested in the main characters too, which didn’t really happen in mdzs and ruka will probably find this as fun as I did

Now, I feel obliged to give the usual warnings of what one would find, which is like... mxtx being mxtx. Gore, blood, terrible deaths, characters having horrible fates, understandable but disastrous misunderstandings, house arrests happen (?), implied rape, dub-con (non-con?) - and this one isn’t their kink, so it’s for real. Aaaand painful sex. Painful, honest-to-god bloody sex. This one is a squick of mine, so when I read this chapter I was mentally screaming AAAAAAAAA all the time. This one time is written in a very un-sexy way, me thinks

One last thing: Holy Shit, Luo Binghe exists to suffer

since visuals are everything:

And for self-organization, might as well put the links here

UNEDITED version, up to ch40: https://cnoveluv.wordpress.com/projects/the-scum-villains-self-saving-system/

bcnovel’s version: http://bcnovels.com/the-scum-villains-self-saving-system/

succubi extra: https://faelicy.tumblr.com/post/180154270882/a-memory-fighting-succubi-with-great-master-liu

Luo Binghe turns into a child extra, Shen Jiu’s backstory, and others: https://pizziccato.tumblr.com/post/180786497951/translation-masterpost

EDITED version, ongoing: https://faelicy.tumblr.com/post/185035206852/scum-villain-table-of-contents

eh, I feel like I’m still leaving something out.

#personal #sorta #scum villain #svsss #review? review

5 notes · View notes

folerdetdufoler · 5 years ago

Text

saturday morning was cloudy. the whole day was cloudy, but to start, i woke up to a sunrise that didn’t exist. so i ate breakfast and went back to sleep (if i had to define what a vacation was, it would have to include that activity: going back to sleep). then i went to meet nadège, jenn, and haidee at their flat.

i’ve always stayed in a hotel when i’ve visited, specifically the hotel. part of it is because i know how the hotel works, and i heavily weight the value of the familiar. it also was part of the rewards program with sas. it isn’t anymore, and i think they’re going to be doing construction next year, so i’m starting to consider different options for stays for my next trip. i’ll probably stick to a hotel because i heavily weight the existence of room service too, but now it doesn’t have to be the radisson blu. i’ve ridden that elevator enough times.

but uh, the point of this consideration is because they were staying in a really nice flat, which was like an extended stay suite but through airbnb. i was super anxious about using airbnb last summer because it was someone’s home, but this flat was not that, which was appealing to me. i would have to pack much less if i were to go the walk-up route though. um, so i met them there and we walked to get kabobs. jenn had to catch a flight that afternoon but she hadn’t gotten her kabob fix yet, so it was a necessary spot. we met jenni’s group there and then walked down to the river for a moment to eat and chat. nadège and i kept walking along the river since we weren’t eating, and we had a chance to talk through some of the stuff that was bothering me from the day before.

it was really helpful to have that chance, both to let me express myself as well as hear her perspective. most of the time, even though i’m constantly keeping up with people on my dashboard, i’m still very much in my own head about it all. i’m not using a soundboard, just letting my own opinion boil up until it causes problems, spilling negativity into other people’s lives. this has been happening more often, probably because i’m talking to fewer and fewer people as the fandom shrinks and i get more stubborn, so i really appreciated this chance to both be very much in the fandom (in oslo, with human beings) as well as take a step back from it. i still need to work on how i balance my sense of self that i get from the internet with how i express myself in person, and it seems like that just means i need to take a walk and talk to someone. like, every day.

anyway, that’s what we did, going down to the dick swan and back, visiting the barely-canon tree and syng. when we got back to the girls we figured out where we were going next, and we broke up for the afternoon.

a couple of days ago jasmine and silvia had mentioned the nrk studio tour as a thing to do, and i impulse bought (is there any other way?) a ticket for saturday. nadège and haidee were interested in going, so we decided to press our luck and head over to the office to see if we could squeeze two more people onto the tour (it was listed as sold out for saturday when they checked). taru gave us helpful tips for getting to the office but between my struggle with google maps and the front door, we were still too late. the guide was nice enough to come to the front and answer some questions though, so we just went back to the website and bought tickets for sunday instead.

by then the clouds were releasing a week’s worth of weather, and we were all the way out in marienlyst with a couple of hours to kill. so we went through our lists of things we wanted to see, if there were any sites left that hadn’t been toured even though we’ve all been to oslo a few times at this point. and there were! we were actually kind of close to the university campus where parts of “all stories are echoes” are set, so nadège wanted to find an important statue from the fic. she and haidee had read it, and while we walked to campus they did a recap for me, so i would understand the significance of the statue.

at that point it was raining heavily and we were lost but i didn’t really mind it because we were just walking and talking. there was a general goal that we were trying to achieve, but it felt very relaxed, and it was fun listening to all of the things that really excited them about the stories they read. after all this time i don’t think i ever did that, like really find out what attracted them to this fandom, so it was a fun and enlightening conversation. it also passed the time well, as we were walking through the campus and then trying to find a bus back to sentrum.

oh wait, not sentrum. next we looked up kjærlighetskarusellen, because that post about it from the header had recently circulated, and it was another canon detail that sort of defined these trips that we take. we come to oslo because we are fans of a show that is set here, and we love it so much that we seek out every little detail in appreciation. that love has grown to encompass the whole city, so we were looking for this show detail as well as monument to the city’s history and its relationship with homosexuality. we lingered outside of it for a bit, because there was a man actually using it as a urinal, and then we snapped our photos once the coast was clear. now i am no stranger to being creepy but that was probably a top five moment for me, taking a picture of a public urinal. i loudly talked about how it was a cultural heritage site as if that would convince random people passing by that i was truly interested in the city’s sanitation efforts instead of, like, men peeing. for the record i’m not particularly interested in either.

then we went back to the flat for a bathroom break, and on to eat waffles. oh boy! i was excited because i had never had one before. i was still shy in terms of trying one, and chose the nugatti topping instead of the jam & brown cheese classic (pictured is haidee’s waffle). mine was super sweet and...gummy? like the hazelnut paste and the soft waffle was just cement in my mouth, and i got a work out just trying to clean off my teeth with my tongue. but it was delicious. i’d probably eat one every day if i had daily access to haralds.

after our waffle we went to meet jasmine and silvia. we shared a pizza for a late lunch/early dinner, and then went back to the hotel so i could change out of my wet clothes. we recapped each other’s dramas and activities from earlier in the day, and talked about fandom and the internet and how people change, if they do. at this point we’ve known each other for at least a year, if not longer, and it’s interesting to see how we, and the rest of the fandom, have evolved as the show has faded into the distance.

some of the stuff we talked about got intense, or we got wrapped up in drama (what else is new), and we had to take a break by watching the bloopers. that was an instant mood lift, and fun to do with people in the same room. everything was a little bit funnier or cuter or sillier when i could hear everyone else laughing at the show too. someday i’d love to rent out a cinema theatre and project season three for a marathon viewing (with bathroom breaks) for a group of fans. maybe for a seven-year anniversary, when you could time it so it would play on a friday evening, and at exactly 21:21 in real time you’d watch isak walk across the courtyard at school to save the man of his dreams.

but back to saturday. it wasn’t raining, but we took the metro to the park next (baby’s first metro trip!). we were going to meet jenni, taru, and kati, and figure out a good place for jasmine and silvia to hang out outside to listen to karpe. we said our goodbyes at the gate and shifted to the other friend group. i think we were kind of early but there was already a decent crowd going in, and going right for the main stage. i don’t think we bothered with food or drink this time around, mostly because we’d just eaten and it was starting to drizzle, which meant everything would get wet anyway.

jenn mentioned a few times that it was a shame there wasn’t any festival merch to purchase while we were walking around, because we kept seeing all of the volunteers with their t-shirts and bags from previous years. it felt like a missed opportunity. i wondered if it was on purpose, to give more weight to the merch that the volunteers got, as a draw for them to sign up and return to work. limited merch would make that experience more special. but i was wrong, because after jenn had left we finally found out that there was a merch tent with apparel for sale; we just hadn’t found it. so before we joined the crowd for karpe we went up the hill and bought tote bags and socks. i’ll deliver jenn’s tote to her on friday, at the sigrid show. i’m mostly mentioning that here so i don’t forget. i was so excited to find socks because i’m getting used to wearing more funky options (mostly due to haidee’s lovely gifts!) but also because they were um, featured on the festival issue of natt & dag.

we moved closer to the stage, but it was actually the farthest we’d been from it the whole week, simply because the crowd was already packed in. while we waited ronny from nrk p3 walked past, and that was my only celebrity sighting at the whole festival. on thursday i thought i saw axel bøyum walk in front of me, but i’m not sure. it was fast, and i thought i noticed his sharply-angled face and deep eyes, but he was also wearing a hood so i didn’t have much else to compare. he was short though, which also made him stand out to me. anyway, that was the extent of my sightings: 1.5 people. there were others there, of course, because i saw their instagram posts, but i either wasn’t paying attention or wasn’t in the right places to see them. since i myself prefer not to be seen, i tend to treat everyone else the same (at least not on the internet), so i default to ignoring the people around me unless they acknowledge me first. i need your explicit consent before i let myself stare at you.

here’s a brief pause to note how sad i am about heimebane. aaaaaand moving on!

the karpe crowd was huge and...different. saturday had a different vibe in general because it was the weekend, and if someone was going to just pick one day to go to øya this would be that day. also it was raining, so there was this anticipatory buzz that was like, 80% for the show and 20% for getting dry again in a couple of hours. our group kind of slowly shifted and morphed as we were pushed closer to the stage and trying not to lose our footing on the sloped ground. but then the show started and the crowd exploded and you just had to fuckin’ roll with it.

i had to read up on the show afterward to understand some of what magdi and chirag were talking and singing about. despite talking about it with fryd months ago, i didn’t get into their new album like i’d wanted to. so i didn’t understand most of the message in the moment; i was just enjoying the beats and the intensity of everyone else. there was a group of younger guys in front of us who sang every damn word and it was just a really...fulfilling thing to witness? norway came out for norway, and the crowd was exactly what karpe deserved for the show they put on. the guys chatted with nadège and sang at me to get us hyped, and i still felt slightly removed from the crowd but that was okay. i enjoyed this outsider place. i didn’t have to understand or be part of it because it was big enough on its own. i could simply bask in the overflow and dance in the rain.

i knew one song from when i had it on repeat summer 2017, the result of following ashley’s obsession with karpe on tumblr. i also still connected it to skam, from when i was more passionately following the actors’ lives and seeing them go to their concert in oslo, which i think cengiz was also dancing for? these are very weak links but links nonetheless, and it still felt like i was ticking off boxes on my unwritten “experience skam” list. it’s also a testament to how far i’ll twist something to justify it, make it fit my personal narrative. i must still feel guilty about my trips to oslo.

(side note: i’ve been meaning to look this up but i am fascinated by their use of the sas brand in their album and shows, like...they are aggressively shaping the brand and i’m curious as to whether they have permission to do it or if they don’t need it or what level of control the brand has over its use. the relationship between a brand and an artist these days is fucking fascinating, and i’m sort of aware of the rules that we need in america but is it different in other countries? i’m already a fan of sas, in that it’s my airline for my trips to oslo, but would i have been influenced more toward or against it if i were approaching it from a karpe angle, if the duo were introducing me to it? anyway, just some mind wanderings there.)

at the end the crowd was lighting up their cups again. we were surrounded by different people than how we started and couldn’t find the ones we knew. we made the same walk away from the stage, bouncing along with the flow, until we got to the festival sign to catch up with everyone. we took a group pic and said goodnight, not entirely sure what the next day would bring but quite satisfied with the one that had just ended. it was funny how used to the exit walk i’d become, after just a few days, and i felt a little nostalgic about even that, as we did it for the last time. and even though we were all soaked and exhausted, i didn’t feel a particular rush to leave. but it was over. just like that. the volunteers were collecting cups from the crowd as we went, but i took mine home.

#this took way too long to write and now i’m so behind it doesn’t matter anymore #i’ve queued it for a random dag in october #who knows if i’ll be back or still on lockdown #kerryinoslo

9 notes · View notes

michelles-garden-of-evil · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 1 Review, Part I: Welcome to Maljardin

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

What to write about the pilot? How should I begin the introduction to the first real post on this blog? I don’t wish to write a detailed synopsis, because other people have already done so, and I feel neither the need nor the desire to comment on everything in this episode (or, indeed, in any episode). Also, funnier writers than I have already written detailed reviews of it, and I don’t feel I can compete with them, especially if I focus too hard on trying to be funny. So this will be a different kind of review series, focusing on analysis of what I think is important/interesting instead of recapping everything. And I promise that my other posts won’t be as long as this one. There’s just a lot to cover in this first post.

One of the main questions that I intend to explore in this post series is what makes a TV show “bad.” Obviously, this is purely subjective, and most of what I write will be my silly personal opinion, but we are dealing with a show that many people consider “bad” and that, arguably, is “bad” by most mainstream TV watchers’ standards nowadays. Today, we live in an era where TV dramas have increasingly higher budgets and production values, where viewers expect realistic acting and special effects, where streaming and binge-watching are increasingly the norm, and where making a single continuity error or retcon will inspire scorn from your entire fanbase (and God forbid one of the actors forgets to throw out their Starbucks cup). TV today is almost the polar opposite of TV in 1969, when shows were much lower budget, special effect failures were far more acceptable, and streaming on demand probably sounded more absurd than using science to bring a frozen woman’s body back to life. As such, people today expect different things from television from the soap opera viewers of fifty years ago, and are quick to dismiss a show as bad.

I agree that continuity errors and retcons are signs of mediocre writing, but do high production values and good special effects really matter? Is realistic acting necessary for drama, or can drama be just as effective with artificial, stylized, hammy or campy acting? How do we separate a genuinely bad show from one that is merely dated, or that has a few minor problems? If you ask me, the answer lies in the writing and the effectiveness of the acting--and it is the writing that will be the primary focus of this blog.

The pilot, like the 43 episodes that follow, was written by Ian Martin, an actor-turned-writer for soap operas and later Gothic romance and horror. He is most famous for writing over two hundred episodes of CBS Radio Mystery Theater in the 1970s. (While I only recently discovered CBSRMT and therefore haven’t listened to most of the episodes yet, I can say that those of his that I’ve listened to are very good. I particularly recommend “And Death Makes Even Steven” and “Time and Again.”) For the plot of Strange Paradise, Martin seems to have drawn on his own life experiences: namely, the tragic early death of his first wife, the actress Inge Adams. According to Curt Ladnier, “Though no one can claim to know what was going through Ian Martin’s mind as he wrote the scripts laying the groundwork for Strange Paradise‘s basic plot, it’s not hard to conceive he may have felt some familiarity with the story of a man who lost the love of his life to an untimely death.” His grief shines through every speech that he has Jean Paul give to Erica. Indeed, his episodes have far more heart in them than later Maljardin episodes or Desmond Hall, and most of my favorite episodes were his work. They also have a lot of snarky humor and better dialogue than most of the later episodes, so, if you imagine a sliding scale going from “good” to “slightly so-bad-it’s-good” to “David Wells,” most would be on the “good” side. (Most of Desmond Hall, in contrast, is decidedly on the other--which is a given, considering that David Wells plays a prominent role in that arc, and most of the time he’s hilariously bad.)

This is not to say that Martin’s writing is perfect. Some of his episodes drag and he is not exactly subtle about many things. He has characters (especially Raxl) repeat themselves perhaps more than is necessary. Also, many of his episodes contain a certain subplot that I find boring and pointless and that the show could have done without. (More on all these things when we get to them.) The early Maljardin episodes are not masterpieces, but they’re a hell of a lot better than most of what came after. And it’s clear that Martin was trying to do its own thing, rather than copy off Dark Shadows.

So, anyway, enough about Ian Martin and onto my thoughts about Episode 1, which is what you presumably came here for:

The obligatory first-episode title card screencap

The show opens on the fictional Caribbean island of Maljardin, which roughly translates to “garden of evil.” Jardin is French for “garden” and mal for “evil (noun).” Mal can also be used as an adverb to mean “badly,” but it is not an adjective. “Evil (adjective) garden” would be Mauvaisjardin, which doesn’t sound half as cool. The exterior shots are of Casa Loma, a mansion in Toronto surrounded by trees that look nothing like anything in the Caribbean, but I can forgive them because the Château de Maljardin is awesome both inside and out. I would say I want to live on Maljardin, but I don’t like the heat and I’m sure the air conditioning costs for the château are extravagant--and, although they never mention it on the show, you know that filthy rich and frequently overdressed Jean Paul Desmond would have had air conditioning installed.

Jean Paul Desmond (Colin Fox) is the master of Maljardin and he is grieving the death of his wife Erica (Lara Cochrane), whose body he is preparing to freeze in order to bring her back to life at some point in the future. Erica has apparently only just died, and he is already having his servant Quito (Kurt Schiegl) carry huge blocks of dry ice--with his bare hands (WTF?)--to line her coffin. Jean Paul must have spent a while preparing for this, and one wonders how far in advance he had to decide to do this, especially since he has already arranged for the Cryonics Society to professionally freeze her and they state in the first episode that he does not have a phone on his island. I’ve watched this episode three times and, each time I watch it, the whole situation seems a little more suspicious. But maybe he and/or Dr. Menkin (Joe Austin) predicted her death far in advance and planned accordingly? Surely a man as besotted with his wife as Jean Paul couldn’t have murdered her, right?

I love the scene where he makes his grand entrance carrying Erica. It's so extra. He's so extra.

I’m not speculating about all this because I don’t like Jean Paul, but rather because of certain clues in the narrative that might reflect a once-planned plot twist that writers after Martin ignored. (The keyword is might; I have no evidence that Martin was planning one, but one can always speculate.) In fact, I adore Jean Paul. His actor, Colin Fox, is the main reason why I’m obsessed with this show and can’t stop watching it. I have a huge crush on him thanks to this show, even bigger than my previous #1 crush, which was on King Henri III of France. Jean Paul is exactly my type: super-tall (he looks about 6′6″/2 meters), dark, handsome (more so when he’s not brooding), graceful, elegant, and very, very extra. He also has a beautiful voice, and I love listening to him talk. Yes, I know I’m attracted to him for mostly superficial reasons, but Jean Paul’s a fictional character, so does it matter? There are only a few problems with him, most notably some megalomaniacal tendencies:

I suppose, though, that it’s inevitable to become somewhat of a megalomaniac when you own not just an isolated private island, but “a brokerage house, a department store, three newspapers, a football franchise, motion picture and television interests, and real estate holdings,” to quote another character. Jean Paul thinks that he can bring Erica back to life by spending millions of dollars on cryonics, which other characters--most notably his housekeeper Raxl (Cosette Lee)--insist is playing God. Only one other character approves, and he even applauds him for it:

This is Jacques Eloi des Mondes, Jean Paul’s identical ancestor from the 17th century and my favorite character on this show. His surname literally means “of the worlds,” which I think is an awesome name for a character in an urban fantasy/horror series. According to Raxl, who is highly knowledgeable about both the des Mondes family history and the supernatural, Jacques Eloi des Mondes was THE DEVIL. (It is never clear whether she means this literally or figuratively.) He is also, in my not-so-humble opinion, the single hottest male character in the history of television. No exceptions. If you gave me the choice between Jacques and the entire cast of every other show in existence, I would choose him. He is charming, charismatic, seductive, and hilarious, at least in Ian Martin’s episodes. Most of the writers after Martin, however, ignore his superficial charm and focus instead on his evil, which Martin mostly only hints at. Anyway, Jacques talks through this portrait--a surprisingly good one compared to other “period” portraits from other shows and movies--which glows when his spirit talks to Jean Paul in this episode and which disappears when he (mild spoiler alert)

possesses him.

Jean Paul realizes that he and Jacques have a lot in common, including both having lost their wives at a young age. It is implied that he may even be a reincarnation of Jacques, who calls him “the man you are, the man you might have been,” before making him have a flashback to Jacques’ wedding reception three hundred years earlier. I will cover the flashback in another post, because, despite being only a minute and a half long, there is a lot to unpack and I want to critique the costumes in addition to analyzing the content. But I will say this now: Martin has Jacques mention “the cliff heights at sunset” in a rather ominous way, followed by a glance at the camera that suggests a much darker intent than just showing them to his bride:

This is the face of a very handsome man who is contemplating murder.

After this flashback, Jean Paul finds a glass of brandy in his hand that wasn’t there before: something which only Debby Graham’s synopsis mentions, but which is the first of many instances of Jacques literally making him drink. Jacques offers to resurrect Erica in return for Jean Paul setting him free, which involves finding his effigy in the crypt in the basement and removing a silver pin from its head. Jean Paul does this in a scene interspersed with clips of a singer performing a bad cover of “That Old Black Magic” (somewhere between slightly so-bad-it’s-good and David Wells on the sliding scale), and, as soon as he removes the pin from the doll’s head, Raxl freaks out because she senses what has just happened:

Jacques: *bows* “Bonjour!” *smirks as show cuts to brief shot of blank portrait* “The voodoo spell is broken.” *taps on doll’s head with pin* “I no longer have any need for you. Now...”

Raxl: "YOU DEVIL OUT OF HELL! OH! YOU FOOL! HOW DID YOU EVER BREAK THE SPELL THAT BOUND YOU TO-" *stops in archway and gasps*

Jacques: *in both Jean Paul’’s body and clothes now* "Why, what's the matter with you, Raxl?"

Jacques Eloi des Mondes, THE DEVIL, has possessed Jean Paul and is loose on Maljardin! And the episode ends shortly after.

While not one of the best episodes, the pilot is definitely interesting. The acting is somewhat campy and cheesy, especially in the flashback and in all of Raxl’s scenes, so this episode is definitely so bad it’s good. If you have read any of the synopses I linked to earlier in this article, it will be obvious that I didn’t write about everyone and everything in this episode (notably, I didn’t cover Alison and Dan’s scenes), but that is out of a desire to focus on Jean Paul and Jacques rather than a lack of interest. I do wonder, though: is this the first time that Jacques has spoken to Jean Paul? And just what is the true, original story behind Erica’s death?

{ <-- Previous: Introduction || Next: Episode 1, Part II --> }

#strange paradise #gothic soap opera #week 1 #episode 1 #maljardin arc #review #analysis #ian martin #cbs radio mystery theater #cbsrmt #conjure doll and silver pin #jacques making jean paul drink #magical costume change #on this island i am god #sliding scale of episode quality #speculation on ian martin's original story

1 note · View note

jjkfire · 6 years ago

Text

taehyung x reader // fuckboy!taehyung // 2k words

You stare at the piece of paper before you. You’re so close. All you need is the middle tile and you would hit double bingo.

Wait, bingo? Why did you care for bingo?

See it wasn’t just any game of bingo. It was a special one. Each tile was a specific challenge, one you would have to complete and post on social media as proof. The challenges ranged from correcting your professor during lecture to kayaking to the middle of the enormous lake on campus to scaling the beloved statue right in the middle of the quad. Granted, you’ve picked the easier ones to complete but you think you’ve done pretty well so far. You’ve already managed to complete 8 of them. 4 straight across and 4 up. Almost forming a cross but you needed that middle tile, badly. Why? Well, this game of bingo boasted a prize of a semester’s supply of free burgers and fries. If that isn’t music to a broke college student’s ears, you’re not sure what is.

So, you’re one away from double bingo, only the middle tile standing in your way and maybe right now, you regret choosing this formation. Perhaps you should have gone for one of the rows or columns that didn’t have the middle tile… but, striking the middle tile meant you had to do one less challenge. Considering the fact that your professors are really beginning to pile on the coursework, you didn’t have the time to complete any more than one silly challenge. You groan about your predicament to Lisa, your closest friend who was this close to throwing you into the lake herself if you make her film anymore of your stupid videos for the bingo challenge.

“But that’s easy,” She laughs looking at the paper in your hand.

“Easy? It’s the middle tile for a reason,” You grumble.

Get 3000 likes on an original post that has some academic relevance.

Now how were you going to do that? It’s been weeks and you and well… the 10 other people who still bothered participating are still trying to nail that very tile. Considering that only 5 people follow you on Instagram, 3 of which are spam accounts… you don’t think you’ll be getting 3000 likes on anything, much less a post that was academically relevant.

“Just get a picture with Taehyung,” She hums. “He rakes in likes by the thousands.”

“It has to be academically related, you ninny,” You grumble, poking her in the forehead. “Taehyung and academics don’t really go hand in hand.”

See, Kim Taehyung is Beta Tau Sigma’s beloved fratboy. Loved, or rather lusted after by many, but also hated by many… usually, scorned women, of course. You’ve heard stories of him, many in fact, but they’re all the same. It’s always the same story about how they had a one-night stand with the handsome boy, how he oozed confidence, how he had them crawling back for more and of course, he obliges but it’s never really more than sex. The boy wears his fuckboy badge loud and proud and you guess you always found it quite ridiculous that the girls would come crying, bawling over the fact that he didn’t want to be exclusive. Of course he didn’t, you snort. It was practically written on his face. But you don’t understand, they would say. He was so sweet, he was so… different. But fuckboys are fuckboys, you smile. If you had a face like his, you’d probably do the same.

“Okay, but what’s the criteria? You just have to look like you’re doing homework or something, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s easy! I’ll get you your 3000 likes so I don’t have to follow you around campus and watch you make a fool out of yourself anymore.”

“Okay, but how? How does Taehyung fit into this? Just so you know, me roleplaying a schoolgirl while Taehyung smacks my ass doesn’t count as an academically relevant post.”

“That’s… actually better than what I had in mind but, you know that’s what Pornhub is for and unless you’re thinking of delving into amateur porn, I think we can skip that idea,” She laughs. “Just bring your notes with you to Beta Tau this Saturday and I’ll sort the rest of it out.”

“You’re not going to make me flash a tit in front of him are you? Because I absolutely won’t—”

“It’ll be PG, sort of… anyway, don’t worry,” She huffs. “Just, remember to be there, okay?”

You say yes and she reminds you a few more times during the week but as usual, when the day comes, you’re nowhere in sight. It’s only when your phone rings, the bass thumping in the background of Lisa’s call that you actually remember where you’re supposed to be.

“Please tell me you’re on your way here.”

“I… Yeah, I am,” You mumble, as you answer one of the last few questions on your online Chemistry quiz. “But look, I need to finish this quiz first because once I start it, there’s a time limit and—"

“You better get here in 20 because Taehyung is getting awfully antsy about being held back from his usual… activities.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there!” You yell as you attempt to change your outfit and answer the quiz questions, all at the same time.

There’s only 20 minutes left on the clock and you struggle to answer the quiz while you’re sat on the bus heading towards a frat house of all places. With one question left and only 8 minutes to go, you arrive at the front door of Beta Tau Sigma, pushing past the front door, ignoring the freshman that attempts to stop you from going in.

Lisa spots you instantly, dragging you towards the couch where Taehyung is seated. He looks absolutely annoyed, a deep set frown on his face with a solo cup in one hand and phone in the other. When you stand in front of him, he barely gives you the time of the day. He puts his phone away before he taps at his thigh, as if he was asking you to sit.

“Are you just going to stare at me all day or are we going to get this thing moving?”

“Sorry?” You question, unsure what he had meant by that and you turn to your friend for help. “Lisa, wait what are we—”

“Where are your notes, Y/N?” She asks before her gaze lands on the laptop in your hands. “Oh my god, you idiot. I meant like bring your physical notes not your online lecture slides,” She groans.

“Lisa, you said this would take 5 minutes,” Taehyung grumbles from behind you. “It’s been almost half an hour.”

“Okay, okay. 5 more minutes, I promise,” She sighs. “Anyway, quick introduction. Taehyung, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Taehyung. Okay, now sit on his lap.”

“I’m supposed to do what now?”

Lisa doesn’t even answer you, simply pushing you onto his lap before she snatches your phone from you. Taehyung lets out a soft groan of pain before his arms circle your middle to keep you from falling off.

“You want your 3000 likes, don’t you? Well, we’re gonna get them.”

You don’t even know what to say because first, you didn’t even know what the hell was going on. You look down at your screen and you almost let out a scream as the countdown timer shows 3 minutes left.

“Look, I just need to finish this quiz question real quick and then we can—”

“Neat, you’re already in character,” Lisa smiles as she begins recording. “Yeah, just focus on your laptop. Pretend you don’t care,” She directs, to which you nod to, albeit a little confused.

Her friends stand behind her with their phones out and their flash on to provide lighting Lisa says. It’s certainly a bizarre sight to say the least. You’re in the middle of a dimly lit living room, everyone around you already half past drunk and the soft bass thumping from the basement where the main party is happening does little to help you concentrate on your quiz.

“There’s no need to be nervous, babe,” Taehyung whispers and you assume it’s because you’re practically shaking in his lap but what he doesn’t know is that it had absolutely nothing to do with him but everything to do with the fact that you now only had 1 minute left and you can’t quite figure out the question.

You hear Lisa say something akin to alright, action! but you have no idea what she’s really talking about. It doesn’t take you too long to figure it out though because within seconds, Taehyung is pressing open mouth kisses from your collarbone to your neck, his tongue leaving behind a trail as he slowly works his way up. You gulp, when he nips at your skin and you shut your eyes in an attempt to focus on the question instead, softly mumbling to yourself but it’s a mistake because you hear him let out a low groan as he presses you down harder into his lap, his hips grinding upwards. It’s soft but Taehyung smirks because he swears he hears you stifle a moan. His hand pulls you closer to him, his thumb just under your bra and he grumbles because he finds all the layers between you and him… annoying. Lisa is practically laughing as panic flashes across your face, obviously enjoying this more than you, but seconds after, it’s like you have a lightbulb moment and you smile as you move your finger across your trackpad, selecting your choice before you hit submit.

You turn your screen towards the camera pointing at your score as you grin.

“Ten out of ten,” You beam, surprising Taehyung who pulls away with his eyebrows furrowed.

“What?” Lisa asks, confused. “What do you mea—”

“I only had 20 seconds left too!”

“Oh my god, was that a real quiz?” Lisa queries as she steps closer. “You dumbass! You should’ve just used a screenshot and faked it! I can’t believe you—”

“Well I was trying to tell you that I had an actual quiz to finish but you didn’t want to listen,” You frown and Lisa doesn’t even look at you, simply typing away at your phone.

“You know sometimes it feels like I’m the only one with functioning braincells in this friendship,” She sighs. “Anyway, you’re welcome. That’s going to be 3000 likes easy,” She hums as she hands you your phone.

“Really?” You question as you watch the video, the clip starting with just Taehyung’s lips on your neck, your head thrown back as you have your eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed but it gradually zooms out to show your laptop in your hands and finally, you pointing to your screen and Lisa midway scolding you before it cuts to black and repeats. It’s oddly a lot funnier than you expected… even if maybe that wasn’t quite what Lisa was going for originally.

“Just the thumbnail alone would probably get you 1000 likes,” She smirks, but the way her lips curl up has less to do with her statement and more to do with the way Taehyung seemed to be undressing you with his eyes.

“Nice. Here’s to hoping we get our free burgers,” You grin, shutting your laptop before you tuck it under your arm. You tap at Taehyung’s hand that’s still around your middle, holding you in place. It’s a silent gesture to ask him to let go but he only clicks his tongue at you.

“And where do you think you’re going?” He asks, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear, his thumb smoothing out against the fabric of your crop top.

“Well, home, preferably,” You smile as you pull his hand away to stand up, hoping you look confident despite the way the low timbre of his voice had sent shivers down your spine.

“But what am I going to do with this?” He questions as he points to the tent in his pants. The boy was absolutely shameless.

“That seems more like a you problem and not a me problem.”

“But you caused it,” He frowns.

“From what? Sitting on your lap?” You question before you turn to Lisa. “So this is the fabled Kim Taehyung?”

“Fabled?” He asks. “Tell me, what do they say about me?” He smiles, hands resting at your waist, as if he was waiting for permission to pull you onto his lap again.

“I’m sure you know,” You sigh. “Though they neglected to mention that you’re the type that would come after just one stroke.”

Lisa lets out a low whistle, laughing silently at the way Taehyung’s jaw ticks. “I’d be careful if I were you, Y/N. This one doesn’t do too well with jokes.”

“I’m just playing,” You smile, patting the hand he had on your waist before you peeled it off. “I’m sure you’re everything they say you are,” You wink, taking a seat on the arm of the couch as Lisa hands you a drink.

“Why don’t you come find out for yourself?”

“I should, shouldn’t I?” You hum, sipping on your drink. “But there seems to be quite the line for that,” You laugh, using your cup to point towards a few of the many girls who were currently eyeing him up and down.

“Well, looks like you’re first in line to me though.”

You smile, loving the attention. The boy is smooth, you’ll give him that.

“Maybe next time,” You smile, before you lean down to whisper. “You’ll wait for me, won’t you?”

You don’t stay to hear his answer, sauntering off before he gets the chance to reply.

“Make sure to like the video, yeah?” You say, turning back just to flash him a grin and he simply answers with a thumbs up.

He smirks to himself as he watches you walk away, your hips swaying from side to side. Hmm, Taehyung wasn’t exactly a patient man… but, he’ll wait. In any case, you’re refreshing. It’s been a while since he’s had some fun.

8 notes · View notes

clonerightsagenda · 6 years ago

Text

Gill and I may not live together anymore but we can still Do Damage

Kat: me, working on the alpha kid portion of my AU and also watching she-ra: Dirk.... Entrapta.... (does he still have prehensile hair? You Decide) Gill: Anime spikes are now real spikes I'm also happy to give him Doctor Octagonapus arms Hedgehog man Kat: someone: so it's the princess alliance right actually we had to change the name because we THOUGHT it was the princess alliance but uh Gill: Junior Royalty Alliance Princex Alliance? The Gay Agenda Kat: lmao addendum: Jake is sea hawk Gill: Who's Glimmer, telling him to set his boat on fire Also: Dirk stop experimenting on the planet Kat: Jane Jane is glimmer trying to be responsible and controlling people Gill: That is perfect and I love her Kat: Is Roxy bow? I'm not sure Gill: Also she'd be adorable as a blue sparkly glitter fairy Who's Adora and Catra Also autocorrect I understand correcting Adora to Adorable but Why did you change Catra to "Avatar" Kat: I mean Adora and Catra do have some pretty strong Vrisrezi vibes Also that way if Adora is Terezi you can have Janerezi if you want it Gill: I am resistant to Vriskerly Actions and yet I cannot deny that it works Also Glimmerdora is a rly cute ship... Kat: Catra is like Vriska done well Gill: And now Vriska has a friend who is a scorpion lady It's fitting Kat: god who's scorpia omg NEPETA cat scorpion switch Gill: And DIRK WHY ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH VRISKA TO HACK THE PLANET, I DONT APPROVE OF HER SHES A BAD INFLUENCE Mr Strider go to your room Kat: I was going to say how long could dirk possibly tolerate Vriska Doc Scratch is prob shadoweaver Gill: Instead of getting a mask knocked off it's just His whole head Kat: ok I fixed it Dirk makes Hal and Hal gets left behind and Hal is much more bitter about shit and so more willing to join up plus Hal would take Vriska-Catra in stride just like lmao check this DSMIV entry out Gill: Have both, Dirk is acting like an Actual Captive while Hal is having a good time with the girls Kat: Hal: I know why you're in the Horde. You've got a complicated relationship with your pseudo parental figure and feel abandoned or treated as less than by your former friend. Vriska: And why are YOU here smart guy Hal: Absolutely none of those reasons. Gill: Hal: you know I can ask them to let you out Dirk: I will not stoop to the level of a traitor Hal: w/e Nepeta and I are gonna go watch anime Kat: Hal: Hey Dirk if you hadn't cut your hair you could use it to pick the locks on those shackles. Dirk, who chopped his hair off years ago bc #dysphoria: Eat shit Gill: Dirk: I replaced it with robot arms for a reason Hal: yeah thanks for the extra arms by the way Is Dirk's hair bubblegum pink naturally, does he dye it Kat: oh god Dirk has anime hair Gill: I feel like he'd either Constantly be trying to act like the main character he thinks he is, bc he knows what pink hair means Gill Or trying to AVOID his calling as a Main Character bc he will not be pigeonholed into your limiting archetypes He is a main character of his own narrative conventions Kat: Can Entrapta's hair feel pain?Would cutting or bleaching it hurt it the real questions Gill: He dyes it red and It comes out orange and it's a fair enough compromise because bleaching it doesn't feel Pleasant Most AUs: Nepeta, tiny fluffy cat girl She-Ra AU: Nepeta, enormous buff scorpion cat girl who is the tallest character in the cast Some day if and when I need background Nepetas for the Dreambubbles I'm adding Scorpeta to the Nepeta Squad Kat: I always imagine Terezi as shortish so Terezi suddenly becoming 8 feet tall is hilarious to me Gill: Giant... dragon woman... Oh no it's everything I ever really wanted Kat: so Jade's probably perfuma Rose is Frosta. She's still 12 years old and angry Gill: Can Jade's Kingdom be full of furries I politely but firmly request furries Kat: god i guess???? so is this trolls = horde humans = alliance where are john and dave Gill: Terezi: I have a sword. It's sharp. Dirk, probably: ...I want a sword Oh man we're out of male characters already Kat: i mean there's dudes in the horde Gill: Unless John is Bow... but Bow is the Power Of Heart dude... Yeah that was my other thought Kat: John and Dave WERE the patronees of Terezi and Vriska Gill: They're Background Horde Dudes, the one guy who immediately latches onto Bow when he's taken prisoner is Very Dave What was his name Steve Kat: get wrecked I thought it was Kyle? Gill: KYLE Kat: it's funnier if Bow is Roxy latches onto his mom Gill: It was very much an Inherently Funny Plain Dude Name If and when I draw this I'm giving Jake (Sea Jake... Jake Hawk...) a terrible pubescent mustache A pubestache, one might call it Kat: ew Gill: Jake Hawk sounds like a Generic Action Dude name, like what you'd call Solid Snake if you were writing a novelization of Metal Gear and knew nothing about Metal Gear Kat: i'm formatting this for an initial tumblr post Gill: Excellent We Have Done It Again, My Dudes Kat: our trail of devastation knows no bounds Gill: The Crossover Gremlin's reign of terror has yet to be stopped

#holy crossover batman #homestuck//#she-ra//#AU

24 notes · View notes

minijenn · 6 years ago

Text

Three’s a Crowd Preview 3

And its the last one I’m gonna give ya’ll but imo my sweet fusion son is such a delight that I couldn’t resist giving ya’ll a taste of him since oh god i’ve missed him so much and he’s so GOOD and ahhhh see for yourself:

“I-I’m ok!” the fusion announced, using both sets of arms to pull himself up into a sitting position. He let out a gasp, however, upon noticing the very fact that he did indeed have four arms in the first place, stars filling his eyes as he burst into a delighted smile. “No, I’m even better than ok! I-I’m back! We did it!” Stepper broke into another round of cheerful chuckling as his upper arms pulled himself into an excited embrace once more. “And it feels better than ever before!”

“STEPPER!” Mabel’s ecstatic shout caught the fusion off guard, especially as she plowed right into him, knocking him flat onto his back as she locked him into a heavy hug. “Oh my gosh, its so great to see you again! It feels like its super long since the last time you were around!”

“Aw, come on, Mabel,” Stepper chuckled, sitting up as he returned her hug. “You technically see ‘me’ all the time. Ok well, maybe not me me, but Steven and Dipper me… Oy, this is getting kind of confusing… But still, it is pretty great to be back together like this!”

“Ooo, I am lovin’ those super harmonious vibes you guys got goin’ on there!” Mabel exclaimed as she effortlessly climbed up to sit atop the fusion’s shoulders as he stood. “That’s it! Operation ‘Find the Harmony’ is officially a success! Now we just need to come up with a new mission for you! Now let’s see… hm…”

“I know,” Stepper spoke up with a bit of a wry grin. “How about Operation “Who Said You Could Sit On My Shoulders”?” He asked playfully as he used both sets of arms to hoist her off his shoulders and hold her out in front of him.

“Hey! Its not my fault that you make such a good lookout post!” Mabel protested, sticking her tongue out at the fusion.

“Oh, so you’re finally admitting that I’m taller than you then?” Stepper asked with a knowing smirk.

“Ha! Not a chance!” Mabel shook her head triumphantly. “I’ll never admit defeat! Never! NEVER!”

“Mabel, I’m literally double your height right now,” Stepper pointed out, still grinning.

“…And your point is?”

“Heeeeeyo!” Amethyst called as her and the other Gems began to venture over to the pair. “There he is! Our four-armed main man Stedip!”

“Uh… actually, Amethyst, its Stepper,” the fusion pointed out with a bit of an amused chuckle.

“Oh, yeah, I know,” the purple Gem remarked. “I just think Stedip sounds funnier.”

“Heh… right…” Stepper said a bit sardonically before Pearl spoke up.

“Well, it certainly is a treat to see you again, Stepper,” the white Gem said, gently pushing the chuckling purple Gem aside. “You know, while you’re here, we might just have to fit in some combat training if at all possible. I’d love to see what you’d be able to pull off with Steven’s shield, Dipper’s sword, and that special journal of yours all at the same time…”

“Oh my gosh, that’d be so much FUN!” Stepper exclaimed with an amazed gasp. “I’d be unstoppable with all three of them! Plus, I got plenty of hands to hold them all in,” he grinned, waving three of four of his hands before raising the final one enthusiastically. “And one to spare!”

The others all shared a warm laugh over the fusion’s humorous quip, though it gradually died out as Garnet approached Stepper next. However, the fusion simply took in a deep breath and straightened his posture, offering the Gem leader a solid expression as he allowed her to silently inspect him. “So, Garnet? What do you think?”

It took a rather expectant moment of apparent scrutinization from the Gem leader, she finally broke out into a small, pleased smile accompanied by a nod of certain approval. “I think you’re looking pretty stable, Stepper,” she confirmed warmly.

“YES!” the fusion cheered loudly, only to quickly catch himself and reign his excitement back in. “O-oh, I mean, uh… that’s cool. Ya know… just like I am. Cool and stable all the way!”

“DORK!” Mabel shouted teasingly, letting out a rowdy laugh as Stepper spun around to face her in faux offence.

“Hey!” he snapped, grinning himself as he geared up to chase after her as she ran off. However, before he could, his attention was quickly diverted by a very loud, very angry yell from a very perturbed green Gem.

“YOU!” Peridot shouted, her tone and expression both burning with fury as she stormed up to the somewhat startled fusion. “You’re that four-armed abomination that destroyed my attack robinoids with your information log-based projectiles!”

For a moment, Stepper simply regarded the green Gem with a bit of confusion before he realized exactly what she was talking about. “Ohhhh right, the… dumb robot things,” he said, boredom filling his expression briefly. “Well… I’m sorry about breaking them, Peridot, but—actually, wait, no, we’re not sorry because you tried to use those things to destroy the Gems and Mabel!”

“Well, it’s your fault that I even came to this doomed planet in the first place, you malformed pebble!” Peridot retorted harshly. “I would have never requested an envoy to Earth if not for your destructive actions against my beautiful machines!”

“Ugh, whatever, Peridot,” Stepper scoffed, rolling his eyes as he scowled down at the green Gem. “What matters is that you’re here now, so you might as well try to make the most of it by helping us build that drill.”

“I will not take orders from the likes of YOU!” the green Gem ranted, furious. “I should have figured all along that you were merely the despicable fusion between the Steven and that irksome Dipper given that they’re both just smaller clods coming together to make one bigger one!”

“Alright, that’s enough,” Garnet interjected just as it seemed as though Peridot was reeling back her first to strike the fusion’s legs since she couldn’t really reach the rest of him. So instead, the Gem leader easily lifted the green Gem into the air, even despite her angry struggling as she tried her best to even so much as land a hit on Stepper. “I think its time for you to go cool down… again.”

“Honestly, that’s like the third tempura tantrum she’s thrown today alone!” Pearl remarked as her and the other Gems began to take their leave, with Peridot sending hostile, though ultimately empty threats Stepper’s way all the while.

“I’m not finished with you yet, you four-armed… whatever it is you are!” she yelled fiercely as she pounded against Garnet’s secure hold on her. “You’ll pay for ruining my precious robinoids, you hear me? PAY!”

“Pfft, yeah, sure,” Stepper remarked with a small smirk as he crossed his upper arms. “I’d like to see you try.”

#i love this new confident pure bb stepper #he's such a dork i love him #jen writes #universe falls #three's a crowd #uf preview

16 notes · View notes

dcarevu · 6 years ago

Text

DCAU #14: I’ve Got Batman In My Basement

“Say, Batman, you wouldn’t be single, would you?”

… Let’s just do this.

Villain: The Penguin Robin: No Writer(s): Sam Graham, Chris Hubbell Director: Frank Paur Animator: Dong Yang Airdate: September 30, 1992 Grade: F

So my original plan for this episode was to write a really sarcastic review where I would jokingly praise every aspect of the episode and write it up to be some kind of masterpiece. I was even going to give it an A++++++ grade, but then slip in the real grade at the end (and as a reminder, I’m not a professional, skilled, or trained critic. The grades simply mark my general enjoyment of an episode for those who are into that type of thing). Well, I tried a few times to write the damn thing, and I just couldn’t do it. Truth be told, it’s even difficult to jokingly praise this episode because it’s not like it’s entertainingly bad, minus one scene where we see Batman using a screwdriver as a weapon (ugh, puh-lease). It’s just kinda dry and unentertaining to watch, so it does not make for any kind of decent comedy. Instead, let me start with a little story.

Back before I owned this series on DVD (and hopefully Blu Ray soon), I would watch it everyday on The Hub network. This is how I got back into the series after a long time of sort of forgetting about it (Nostalgia Critic helped re-spark my interest as well). I got exposed to many wonderful episodes this way, such as Sideshow, You Scratch My Back, and Vendetta. I was starting to figure that this show could do no wrong, and so when my dad sat down once when an episode was just starting, I got pretty excited! I was happy that my dad would get to see what great cartoon possibilities could be produced out of a superhero that he mostly remembered from the Adam West TV show (I would argue that this show is great too, but in a very different way). Well, guess what episode came on that way. No, seriously, I want you to just take a guess. Ayup. Now this is before I had ever seen or heard of I’ve Got Batman In My Basement. And with a promising title and title card (although Char thought that the title sounded a little bit creepy, and not in a good way…I will admit, I do get some BDSM vibes), I wasn’t worried. And then the episode started. Wow! Then Penguin! Hadn’t seen him in an episode yet! But I did have his action figure (from the show), and I had heard that Birds Of a Feather was absolutely fantastic. I wish I could even say that there was more buildup before the unfortunate letdown, but really, this episode doesn’t even start out good, particularly if you don’t have any expectations about the Penguin. Hell, if you’re an outsider, I wouldn’t say that the Penguin looks particularly exciting in the slightest. Yeah, he’s got those flipper-fingers, but paired with the sloppy animation of this one, I’m pretty sure Char thought that it was an animation error or something at first. And by the time we get to the two main characters of the episode which are a couple of children, and especially when Batman gets knocked out, I started to realize that not every episode of Batman The Animated Series was perfect. In fact, I knew then that there was at least one that I never wanted to watch again. And this was the one episode my dad happened to see! I almost wanted to change the channel, but I was holding onto a little bit of hope that things would improve. Even if it wasn’t until the end. But, well, you saw the rating. Now, I’ve since seen this episode twice more, via my own decision, merely for the sake of watching the entire series. I’m assuming that if I ever watch through again, I’ll skip this one, but for right now, this is business, and I’ve gotta get the word out about this episode, even though I’m apparently far from the first. Don’t watch it, man. It’ll break your spirit faster than the ground will break an egg from 5 feet up. Oh. And to make things even better, my dad caught another episode a little while later. It was The Forgotten. Yeah. I’ll leave it at that.

So one of the things that I see constantly complained about is that this episode is supposedly pandering to kids, and overall taking a show that was evolving to become more adult and wonderful for all ages to watch, turning it into a typical Saturday morning cartoon. And yeah, I won’t necessarily disagree with this all the way. It certainly does feel like a more typical Saturday morning cartoon. But let’s not throw Saturday morning cartoons under the bus here. By this point, we did have some established quality in cartoon-land. Ren & Stimpy, The Real Ghostbusters, Ducktales, and Tiny Toon Adventures had each been airing prior. Yeah, the episode does focus more on being aimed for kids, but this isn’t inherently bad, and only explains the problems on a very base level. There’s a difference between being aimed at kids yet still being god damn awesome, and talking down to your audience so that the only ones able to enjoy it are kids who a lot of the time will watch anything that moves. This episode seems kiddish because of two main factors; as stated it talks down to the audience, and the two main characters are children (and I swear, they look like they could be Velma Dinkley’s kids). I guess to add a bonus reason, it simply was not approached with love. The team behind the show has basically come out and said that the writers and storyboarders of this one didn't care, and Frank Paur, the reluctant director, tried to shape it up a little bit, but when you have deadlines, there is only so much that you can do. Keep in mind, we are less than 20 episodes into the series. Not everyone they were hiring was necessarily going to be on the same page. When this episode was started, it’s very possible that not a single episode had even been aired yet. After the show was watchable, that’s probably where new writers (and old ones) could watch other people’s work and determine what would work in this newly created DC Animated Universe. I’m a little interested in what Sam Graham and Chris Hubbell could have done with more knowledge of what was expected, but hell, for all I know, Bruce Timm could’ve gone over the series bible 234 times over to them. Lazy work is lazy work. Hard to redeem that because, well, often times the person is too god damn lazy! This is all just some speculation based on things that I know about the show, but ultimately I don’t even care that much. Only watch this one if you’re a completionist like I am.

Now, if held at gunpoint (and maybe I am, given that I really wanna move on to Heart Of Ice instead of finishing up this post) and made to find some positives, I would first tell you that the screwdriver fight is so stupid that it has to be seen. I’d rather just search that scene up on youtube or fast-forward to it, but hey, I didn’t say these were positives that turned that F into an A, did I? Ha ha haaaaa, I don’t think so. But the fact that Batman would wage a tink-tink battle with the Penguin in such a way, oh my god. it’s baffling. This is straight-up Adam West territory, guys. But y’know, I’m probably talking this scene up to much. I always say that it’s ridiculous, that it’s hilarious, that it’s so awe-inspiringly bad, but then I watch it, and it's never quite as entertaining as I remember. Not quite. Maybe being one of the only action sequences (and the only memorable action sequence) causes this effect on me or something? I don’t know. I feel like as goofy as this is, it’s soooo much funnier on paper when it’s purposely comedic. And alright….another positive quality before Sam and Chris push that big red button… Well, Roberta was actually pretty likeable, surprisingly. She was Char and I’s favorite character from the episode, believe it or not. Weird how even though episodes about kids don’t often end up stellar, they can still create a big strong kid character. It’s a case of personalities vs scenarios. Being delicate when it came to children-related plots was maybe a requirement? Then again, Robin’s Reckoning, guys. Robin’s Reckoning. And lastly, uhh, there were a couple of lines that made me chuckle a little bit, and in a way where the line was meant to be funny. Batman’s “Ma’am” at the end was perfectly in character, and Sherman’s response was great. Penguin gets a few good lines as well, despite such a lackluster debut. This episode went ahead to turn Char completely off to the Penguin, which is reluctantly expected, but hopefully after a nice long break from the character, a future episode can turn her around on him. We shall see. This debut is pretty hard to shake.

It embarrassed me a little bit when I first watched it, and it made Char want to vomit. Now that is some quality…Sherman. (Kill me)

Char’s grade: F

Next time: Heart Of Ice Full episode list here!

#batman tas #batman the animated series #i've got batman in my basement #dc animated universe #dcau #the penguin #penguin #batman

5 notes · View notes

auroraphilealis · 7 years ago

Text

Too Tense to Be Undone (6/7)

Too Tense to Be Undone (6/7) | Dan’s never had an orgasm before. Despite being in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for three years, he’s just never been able to finish. The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with him, so Dan’s mostly put it out of his mind. Until his gap year, when he starts talking with AmazingPhil, and accidentally admits that he’s never come before. Phil’s happy to help with more than just convincing Dan to post YouTube videos, if Dan will just give him the chance. | Phan | Explicit | Slight Friends with Benefits, Pining, Eventual Smut, Very Explicit Smut, Dirty Talk, Flirting, Getting Together, 2009, Skype | 13,974 Words This Chapter

Extra big thanks to @imnotinclinedtomaturity once again. I finished my final edit while they were on a plane and got excited to post so any existing mistakes are mine and mine alone, but the fact that this is as good as it is is still all thanks to Kat hahaha. We’re nearly done, guys!!

This is technically the last *real* esque chapter of the fic. You can easily stop reading here and feel that it’s been completed. However, Kat did convince me to write a sort of epilogue type chapter that I did end up writing, and which only needs serious editing before I feel comfortable posting it. Therefore, I hope you guys will look out for that and read it when it’s posted, but for all intents and purposes, the overall storyline finishes here, and I think… that you guys will be happy with how it goes.

Thank you for all of your support, and I will likely see you next week with chapter 7.

(previous chapter) (ao3 link)

Filming with Phil was an incredible experience that Dan wouldn’t change for the world. Despite the part of him that wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Phil, touching and kissing for the rest of their lives, Dan could not deny that getting the chance to share their passion - YouTube - was also one of the best feelings in the world. He wanted to do this for the rest of their lives as well, appearing on each other’s channels, filming videos together, and living out a dream that neither of them were really sure would actually… happen.

Still. Dan was enjoying this chance to try YouTube with Phil, was so fucking happy that Phil had pushed Dan into following his dreams, that he’d encouraged Dan and helped him get up off the floor in follower counts, and that now he was giving Dan the opportunity to film with him.

It was something that Dan had never quite dared to imagine, never quite dared to hope for. Phil didn’t really collab on his channel. He was part of a few YouTube community channels, and he worked with other youtubers, but not like this. Dan had never had the frame of reference to imagine that he’d actually get to be someone Phil would bring onto his main channel, and even though he’d known for a couple of weeks now that Phil wanted to, it was entirely different to actually be doing it.

Now that Dan had gotten the chance to experience it, he never wanted it to end. There was no question in Dan’s mind that Phil was having just as much fun as he was, judging by the way he laughed and smiled as he moved, staring at Dan from to time with huge, bright eyes. Filming with Phil was fun, far less awkward than filming by himself had been, and was helping Dan to loosen up so he didn’t look quite so terrified on camera, didn’t look like he was trying too hard.

Dan just hoped he could bring this aspect of filming back home when he was inevitably alone again, and unsure when he’d next get to see Phil.

Phil’s Q&A mostly consisted of Dan reading off questions from his sheet of paper as dutifully as he could, and laughing at Phil as he answered them in increasingly joking and zany ways. Dan could tell Phil was doing his best to maintain a kind of serious edge, as if he were giving the questions serious thought, but at the same time, he was careful to walk that fine ledge he’d created for AmazingPhil.

For a moment, Dan wondered if Phil ever got tired of playing up a character for his channel. He wondered if Phil regretted the fact that he had to act louder, more brash and fun, than he actually was just for a couple thousand views and the, apparently, minimal pay check he got out of it from adsense. But as Dan watched Phil, laughing and rolling around on the floor in glee, smiling for the camera and enjoying himself in a way that Dan could tell was something almost out of character for the real Phil, he realized that no… no this was part of the fun for Phil.

AmazingPhil wasn’t just a persona. It was a part of Phil that Phil didn’t normally feel safe, or brave enough, to expose to the world. It was a part of Phil that Phil couldn’t be every single day, but clearly wanted to be at least some of the time. As Dan watched Phil move, and laugh, and claw at the camera, Dan realized that it was okay that he wanted to do the same thing.

It was okay that Dan wanted danisnotonfire to be a better, funnier, quirkier than he was in real life. Dan had grown up being bullied for being different, so for a long time, he’d tried to bury that part of him. Dan hoped that through danisnotonfire he could bring that person back to the forefront of his life, and not only be relatable, but a beacon of hope to generations to come.

As Dan asked questions, and Phil answered them, Dan found himself growing more and more distracted by Phil than the actual filming. They both moved around a lot, rather than sitting, static, on the floor in front of Phil’s camera, and Dan was grateful for the distracted air because he kept finding himself staring at Phil, questions forgotten, as he took in the beauty of this man he’d found himself in love with.

Phil was just… magnetic. He had this over the top personality, both in real life and on the internet, that was just so much fun to experience. Dan found himself wanting to look at Phil, instead of the camera. He found himself wanting to touch Phil, no matter what that would mean to their audience. He found himself shoving random AmazingPhil objects into Phil’s face, licking at his Wall-E figurine, and generally make a fool out of himself in an attempt to not only gain Phli’s attention on him, but to distract himself from the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss Phil.

The cat whiskers that Phil had drawn on both of their faces was only heightening the experience for Dan. Phil looked so fucking cute that Dan was dying for it. Once the permanent marker touched Dan’s face, he couldn’t seem to help himself anymore. He leaned into Phil’s space, and kissed him, warm and a little bit messy, their noses bumping against each other eagerly. Dan’s hands found Phil’s hair, and dug in quickly, rucking up the black strands because he could, and because he wanted too, and because Phil looked hot when he was disheveled.

Despite being caught off guard by the show of affection, Phil sunk into the kiss easily enough. His own hands found Dan’s cheeks, and he brushed his fingers along his cheekbones gently, caressing Dan and keeping the kiss affectionate, rather than overwhelmingly hot.

Dan didn’t have it in him to be disappointed when he was practically bouncing off the walls in happiness. He got to have this. He got to have all of Phil.

They kissed for a little while, probably longer than they should have, considering they were filming, but Phil didn’t complain, so Dan figured it was all right. When they did pull apart, though, Phil leaned in to pepper Dan’s face in happy little kisses, giggling all the while, as almost a subtle reassurance that Phil didn’t mind the interruption.

Once he properly pulled away, he ruffled up his hair in an attempt to fix it, and turned to the camera with a raunchy smile.

“Too bad we’re editing that out,” he joked, winking seductively, and laughing when Dan reached out to shove him. “Hey!” he complained.

Dan leaned in and kissed him again to shut him up.

They kept at it. Phil’s camera caught every single moment between them, even the ones Dan knew they’d cut out, or the trips of Phil’s tongue when he said something wrong and shook his head to start over. They filmed a few bits, Phil’s expression turning serious for just a moment as he realized they’d fucked it up, and insisted that Dan do it again. It was fun to watch, the constant switch back and forth of Phil giggling over his own ridiculousness, and stopping to contemplate how the video was actually going to pan out.

All the while, Dan kept kissing him. He got Phil onto the bed a few times, and pushed him back against the pillows, rumpling them and Phil up enough to make their video a little ungainly and probably a little telling, but Dan didn’t care, and Phil didn’t complain - okay, maybe he did a little bit, but Dan could tell that he was joking. They kissed, and rubbed at each other’s face, and even found themselves grinding on each other more than once, but Phil always had the willpower to stop it and drag them back to their purpose, promises on his lips that after, after, Phil would take care of Dan.

The words sent shivers up Dan’s spine, and gave him a renewed kind of energy to keep going, to keep working at it, to help Phil make the best Q&A of all time.

But that didn’t stop him from joking with Phil.

“Would you ever fuck a fan?” Dan asked, leaning against Phil’s pillows while Phil sat on the floor in front of the camera. It wasn’t a question from twitter, or from Dan’s piece of paper, but he didn’t care. He’d dropped a few of his own bombs in here, some funny, some ridiculous, and some just for them. He was sure that Phil would edit this one out.

Choking out a hearty laugh, Phil pushed himself up off the floor and turned to stare at Dan. His lips were curled up in a fond smile as he rolled his eyes.

“Maybe,” he said, doing his best to smirk at Dan. The edges of his lips were still curled in a delighted smile, though, and it was clear from the way his eyes sparkled that he was enjoying playing along. “Depends on how hot they were,” he added with a wink.

Dan laughed, shaking his head, a little too giddy for the seductive moment he’d been trying to plan out, but he didn’t care. He raised his eyebrows and wiggled them at Phil, spreading his legs out a little and shifting backwards to lie spread out on Phil’s pillows.

“Is that right?” he teased, “Then will this do?”

Dan tossed his head a little, making his hair messy, and tried for a seductive smile. His hands moved to drop the paper at his side, and push up the hem of his shirt a little, showing off a little bit of his tummy. Slowly, he tilted his head for extra added effect, exposing the long line of his throat to Phil’s thirsty eyes.

Phil groaned, and he gave in. Eyes dark with want, Phil climbed on top of the bed and crawled over Dan’s body. His mouth found Dan’s instantly, kissing him indecently, tongue everywhere. Dan couldn’t even begin to imagine what it might look like on camera, and only wished for a moment that his and Phil’s heads were on the other end of the bed so Dan could watch this back later and see just how hot it looked when he and Phil kissed.

Dan’s hands weaved into Phil’s hair, drawing him closer still, until their bodies pressed down against each other’s. Phil felt good on top of Dan, and it was only made better when Phil dragged his mouth from Dan’s and started kissing along his jaw line, nipping at Dan’s skin and sending flashes of pleasure through Dan’s body. Dan’s fingers tugged at Phil’s hair a bit, and then moved to the hem of Phil’s shirt, sliding up under it and gripping tight to pale skin. Dan scratched lightly in an attempt to leave his mark, in an attempt to relieve some of the tension coiling up inside of him, begging for release.

They made out like that for a while, Phil grinding his hips down on Dan’s and making it clear that he was aroused, but never letting it push any further. Rather than undressing Dan the way Dan wanted him to, Phil drew away from particularly sensitive areas to kiss Dan over and over again, panting against Dan’s lips, and smearing both of their cat whiskers until they were more smudges against their face, than actual drawings.

“We should stop,” Phil murmured against Dan’s lips. “We’ve got a video to film.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Dan complained, drawing Phil back in for another kiss. Phil opened up to him eagerly enough, but he didn’t let it go on for very long. He swiped his tongue alongside Dan’s, bit at his full bottom lip, and drew away, panting.

“Come on, Dan. Just a little longer,” Phil insisted. His eyes were dark. It was clear he wanted Dan just as much as Dan wanted Phil, but Phil was right. They needed to finish filming.

And then Dan planned to ravish Phil.

Pouting a little, Dan sighed and pushed himself backwards so he could sit up. Phil took that as his cue to climb off of Dan, and he pushed himself to his feet next to the bed. The sheet of paper holding the questions for the Q&A had fallen to the floor, so Phil reached over and picked them up for Dan.

If Dan stared at Phil’s bum when he did so, he couldn’t quite be blamed.

They went back to filming. It wasn’t easy, when Dan kept finding his eyes drawn to Phil’s lips, to his dick and the way it looked jammed inside of his jeans, still hard and difficult to hide. Dan and Phil tried to stay sat on the floor, lower bodies hidden, so that it wouldn’t be quite so obvious that they were aroused.

They still couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, and that definitely wasn’t helping to cool down their erections, but they did do their best to stop kissing and messing around so that they could keep themselves on track trying to film.

Until they had finished.

They were filming an end screen, or at least attempting too, when Dan said “this is the most fun I have ever had,” and Phil, rather than replying in an equally sappy way, launched himself at Dan.

Dan’s head just narrowly missed cracking against the set of drawers behind him, and he landed with an “ooph!” on the floor with Phil on top of him. Phil was giggling, pressing kisses into the crook of Dan’s neck, something Dan knew they’d have to edit out, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Arms awkward, Dan reached around Phil’s waist to hold him, and allowed himself this one little moment.

Clearly, it wasn’t meant to stop there, though.

Phil’s affectionate touch seemed to spur a more affectionate ending to the video, with the two of them doing dorky hand hearts and laughing into each other’s chests. They leaned in close to the camera to say goodbye, and, cracking his back a little, laughing and feeling all over warm, Dan stood and sat on the edge of Phil’s bed.

Phil sat down next to him, grinning and looking so fucking hot, that Dan couldn’t stop himself. He pushed Phil backwards, climbed on top of him, and kissed him breathless. Phil moaned into the touch, using his feet to push himself back and up towards the pillows. Dan followed him, never once letting their mouths stay parted for long, groaning against the warm heat and the sudden pulse of his dick as it realized that now, now, they were getting somewhere.

Dan knew they needed to decide if they wanted to film any extra parts, or wanted to redo something that might have gone wrong. He knew they should stop and review the footage before they moved on to anything else, but Dan didn’t care. He just wanted to touch Phil.

He’d meant to stop the kiss before it went too far, but, well... One moment he was laying on top of Phil, hands pushing up under the bottom of his button up shirt, and the next moment, Phil had shoved them both backwards on the bed so Dan’s head was nearly falling off the bottom, and Phil’s mouth was attached to his neck.

“You suck, Howell,” Phil groaned against the skin. His hips rocked forward, erection pressing into Dan’s thigh, making it very clear what Phil wanted. Dan let out a soft moan, no longer giving a shit about the camera that was still filming, nor about how much editing Phil was going to have to do later. All he could think about was how badly he wanted Phil to tear his clothes off of him and fuck him into the mattress.

Besides. They were technically done filming, right?

Right.

Phil’s lips nipped along Dan’s collarbones, dragging at the collar of Dan’s black shirt and pushing it down with his chin so he could get at more of Dan’s skin. Dan’s hands found Phil’s hair and tugged hard, forcing Phil’s mouth away and dragging it back up to Dan’s.

Phil huffed into the kiss, licking into Dan’s mouth and showing him a passion that Dan hadn’t even quite seen last night. It was deeper and more meaningful, but just as carnal and hungry. Dan twisted his fingers into Phil’s hair, holding tight to him as his hips jerked up and he ground his own insistent erection into Phil’s stomach.

This did nothing but earn Dan a quick nip to his lip, and he groaned at the feeling of it. He liked this Phil, a little rough at the edges and a little out of control. It was a nice counterpart to what he’d been last night, and that morning. Last night Phil had mostly maintained that flirty, sex god persona that Dan had known for so long now, while this morning had been a little more tender, a little more sweet, but both times Phil had kept himself in check, hadn’t allowed himself to devour Dan like he was now.

And god, did it feel good.

Dan felt properly wanted. He felt like someone who could take Phil apart and put him back together again the same way Phil had done it to him the past day and a half. He felt like he was in control even though he wasn’t, and it felt good. It felt so good that Dan felt a pulse of heat go straight to his dick, and he whined loudly against Phil’s lips.

“Shit,” Phil grunted, pulling away. “I want - god, Dan, I want you.”

“Good,” Dan quipped back, a little breathless. “Because I want you, too. Fuck me already, Lester. I’ve waited all day.”

Phil licked his lips, eyes heavy lidded and dark with arousal. His hips were rocking in little circles against Dan, and his face was a dark red. Dan could only imagine that the flush went down further, could only imagine how Phil’s cock looked right now.

Shit. Dan wanted to get his mouth on him.

“Can I suck you off?” Dan blurted out, before he could really think about it. His eyes went wide in surprise as it himself, despite the fact that now that he’d said it, he really wanted to try it. Still. HIs cheeks went bright red and he drew his fingers back from Phil’s hair to trail them down Phil’s back.

Phil shivered at the touch, eyes closing as he breathed, the sound heavy and loud in the quiet room. Dan didn’t know if that was a yes or not, but he sure as fuck hoped it was, he sure has fuck hoped that the slight alarm on Dan’s face hadn’t made Phil think Dan didn’t truly want this.

“God, Dan, what you do to me,” Phil groaned, rather than answering. He rolled away without another word, and made quick work of his jeans. Dan propped himself up on his elbows, and watched as Phil worked his button and his zip down, fingers pushing under the waistband of the black jeans he’d pulled on and the boxers he’d been wearing all morning.

As quickly as he could, Phil started to shimmy out of the skin tight fabric. Still a little unsure of what this all might mean, but fairly certain it meant Phil was saying yes, Dan bit his lip and watched as Phil revealed his glorious, pale skin, inch by torturous inch. Shaking himself out of it, Dan pushed himself off the bed, and started to wiggle out of his own jeans as well, desperate to get the chance to touch Phil for once and make him fall apart.

Dan didn’t get very far with his jeans before Phil was interrupting him.

“Bathroom,” Phil said, eyes wide. “Get a glove. We’re - we’re going to need it.”

Dan moaned at the implication, and didn’t waste a second jumping from the bed. His jeans, now undone, started to sag, so Dan shoved them down his legs as he moved. In his rush, his pants ended up tangled around his feet and he nearly fell, much to Phil’s amusement behind him, but Dan didn’t care. He was far too focused on the fact that he was about to have sex again. With Phil.

Yesterday, Dan had been embarrassed by the mess that anal apparently made, and the fact that Phil had been the one deal with it, considering he was one doing the prepping, the fucking, but tonight? Tonight Dan could give less of a fuck. Phil knew what he was doing, knew what he was getting into, and he’d dealt with this on more than one occasion now. Dan was far more concerned with the fact that he was about to have sex with his boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Was that what they were?

Suddenly, Dan felt like his world had shifted on its axis. He was half dressed, long black shirt barely covering his excited dick, and he was stood in Phil’s bathroom trying to find a pair of gloves, and yet he felt like he was in an entirely different world, rather than in Phil’s bedroom. All of the desperate desire from just a moment ago was gone, and replaced with a feeling closer to anxiety.

Boyfriend. Were he and Phil in a relationship? He was pretty sure they were, what with the confessions that morning and the fact that Phil had wanted to do nothing more than cuddle with Dan all day, making promises that they’d get to spend the rest of their lives together, but... They hadn’t exactly spelled it out, and a tiny part of Dan was afraid that he’d gotten this all wrong.

They were together, right? This meant something?

Of course it does, he berated himself, shaking his head and returning to the task at hand. You know it does. Yet, still. Dan couldn’t help biting his lip and thinking, it doesn’t hurt to ask.

Hands shaking with both arousal and a nervousness Dan couldn’t quite explain, Dan fumbled through the bathroom cabinets until he found a box of gloves. Tearing a few free, just in case, Dan scurried back out of the bathroom and back into Phil’s room, mind spinning with a combination of worried thoughts and heedy arousal. He wanted to have sex, like, right now, but at the same time, he wanted to talk, and the two did not go hand in hand easily.

Biting his lip, Dan turned the corner back into Phil’s room, and found Phil lying exactly where Dan had left him; on his back with his cock out. Only now, his shirt was unbuttoned too. His fingers were stroking languidly around his cock, pulling at it, and bringing it fully to life as Dan watched from the doorway. Dan nearly dropped the gloves at the sight. Phil just looked so hot like that, all spread out, half dressed, waiting for Dan. His head was tossed back a little, showing off the long, pale expanse of his throat, and his eyes were closed as he bit his lip.

He wasn’t wearing anything but the unbuttoned shirt any more, far less dressed than Dan himself, and all the more gorgeous for it. Dan let out a small whimper that caught Phil’s attention, and his eyes fluttered open as he offered Dan a sexy grin.

“Come here,” he murmured.

Dan couldn’t say no to a request like that. He moved straight to the bed, fully intending on climbing on top of Phil and kissing him senseless, when he remembered something else they were missing. Groaning, Dan dropped the gloves, and turned to scramble under Phil’s bed and find the bottle of lube and the pack of condoms they’d shoved under it before they’d started filming. He threw those on top of the bed too, and climbed on top of it without another thought.

“Thank god you remembered those,” Phil said, as Dan climbed on top of him. “I don’t think I would have been willing to let you go again to get them,” he joked, arching his neck up to kiss Dan deeply. Moaning against Phil’s lips, Dan let his eyes drift closed and sunk into the delicious feeling.

Dan was never going to get tired of kissing Phil.

As Dan held himself up with his hands on the bed either side of Phil, Phil’s hands moved to push at the hem of his shirt. His nails scratched lightly Dan’s skin, the touches a little rough, a little demanding, a little desperate - just the way they’d been before Dan had left the room.

It should have been fine. It was exactly what Dan had been craving, and yet...

Suddenly, Dan was feeling far too emotionally vulnerable. Of course he wanted quick, passionate sex with Phil. Of course he wanted to take Phil apart and make him beg for Dan… but. Suddenly, Dan felt a little bit too open.

His kisses became more hesitant, his body language a little more stiff, and he found himself stilling against Phil for the first time. For a moment, Phil kept kissing him, mouth opening to Dan’s and looking for more, but after a moment, Phil seemed to realize that something was wrong. Slowly, he pulled away with a little breathless whine, like didn’t really want to stop kissing Dan, but he was going to do it anyway, because something was wrong.

Dan dropped his forehead against Phil’s shoulder in an attempt to hide his face and the fact that he suddenly felt intensely embarrassed at his own hesitation, slumping down onto Phil’s body helplessly, and unable to keep holding himself up when he wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside of Phil.

Phil let out a small little “ooph,” sound in response to the sudden weight change, but otherwise didn’t speak. He was still panting, but his hands had moved from Dan’s back to his hair, carefully smoothing it down like a lover might.

Phil was his lover, if Dan really thought about it, it was just. He was being an insecure idiot, and he hated himself a little bit for it.

Why did he have to make everything so complicated? Couldn’t he just accept that he was Phil’s and Phil was his? Apparently, not, because Dan’s head just kept running itself in circles while Phil held him.

Phil didn’t ask him what was wrong. Dan kept waiting for him to speak, but Phil didn’t, and Dan didn’t know why. He was tense all over expecting the inevitable, but it never came, and Dan found himself letting out a grieved breath of air against Phil’s neck as he realized that Phil would forever be the most understanding person in Dan’s life.

Somehow, Phil knew that Dan just needed a moment, and in a way, Dan was incredibly grateful for that. A smaller part of him, the louder part of his brain just then, was upset, though, because it meant that Dan was going to have to be the one to break the silence and explain to Phil what was going on inside of his head.

“You okay?” Phil eventually mumbled when Dan didn’t speak up. His voice was a little husky, and it was clear that he was still… definitely interested, and very much so aroused. His dick kept pressing into Dan’s thigh despite Phil doing his best to keep his hips still. Dan’s cock was pressed between their stomachs, still as hard as ever, but waning a bit with each passing second.

Dan sighed.

“What are we?” he forced himself to whisper, the words a soft sigh against Phil’s shoulder. Dan turned his head so he could tuck his face into Phil’s neck, embarrassed by the weak tone of his voice, and the fact that he’d had to ask in the first place.

Phil’s hands, which had up until that point been stroking gently through Dan’s hair, stilled.

Slowly, Phil turned to look at Dan with huge, blue eyes. Their gazes met, despite the fact that Dan didn’t want them too, and he found himself caught up in a whirlwind of emotions.

Phil looked so concerned. His eyes were still dark with desire, but it was clear he was trying to draw himself out of it enough to focus on Dan and the question he’d just asked. Dan’s heart, which had started to race in his chest in fear of Phil’s answer, calmed, because Phil… Phil seemed ready to drop everything in a moment to help Dan work through whatever he might be feeling, for whatever reason, without making fun of him.

That was more than Dan had ever had, from anyone. Even his parents, and his ex girlfriend.

“Fuck, I’m so bad at this,” Phil grunted, shifting to embrace Dan around the waist with one arm, and rub soothingly down Dan’s spine with the other. His gaze was intense and sincere as he looked at Dan. “I didn’t think - I just thought… Dan, I thought it was pretty obvious what we are,” Phil whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead. Nevertheless, his gaze was still worried when he pulled back, and there was nothing about his tone of voice that hinted that Phil was annoyed he had to spell this out for Dan.

If anything, he sounded apologetic for not making it clearer earlier.

“I’m like… all in this, you know? You’re kind of… it, for me.” Phil grimaced at the choice of words, before laughing softly, and kissing Dan on the nose. “Look how cheesy you’ve made me, Howell,” he complained.

Dan giggled, the sound high and a little insecure, but happy. Undeniably happy. Phil too the moment to lean in and kiss the smile away from Dan’s lips, the angle a little awkward considering the position, but still good. Phil’s lips were soothing, warm, and familiar now. They were comforting, like coming home.

It felt so good, to be touched like this.

When Phil eventually pulled away, he sighed and dropped his head back onto the bed. Dan shifted on top of him to prop himself up, and allowed himself to grin down at Phil, already starting to feel a little better. Still, Phil didn’t seem quite done talking just yet.

“I guess we didn’t really talk about it,” Phil admitted, biting his bottom lip. “But, like. I definitely want… you know, to be with you. Like. Boyfriends, or partners, or whatever you want to call us,” he admitted, eyes wide as they flicked up to meet Dan’s. It was clear Phil was unsure, clear that he wasn’t used to this kind of thing, but Dan didn’t care. The words were enough to help him properly calm down. He leaned in to nuzzle his nose against Phil’s, and kissed him.

“Boyfriends sounds good,” he whispered, letting himself slip right back into the moment he’d interrupted before all this talk about boyfriends and loving each other and being all in. Phil’s mouth opened up to Dan’s, and they both tilted their heads to get in a little deeper. Phil sighed under Dan’s touch, his arms tightening around Dan’s waist, but despite the way Dan had intended to make the kiss just as heated as before, it ended up sweet and far more adoring.

“Boyfriends sounds good,” Phil repeated, the words sending a happy tingle down Dan’s spine.

As the kisses grew more and more heated, they didn’t get quite as carried away in the moment as before. Instead, they moved in a slow burn of sexual desire and mutual affection that in some ways, was better.

Besides. Dan knew there would be plenty of time in the future to have really intense, fast-paced sex full of passion and Dan and Phil both losing it. But for right now, Dan kind of just wanted to savor the romantic, sweet atmosphere Phil had created for them both all afternoon.

Dan’s lips slipped from Phil’s in search of his neck, and he let himself leave a hickey against the pale skin as he moved. They’d finished filming, surely Phil wouldn’t mind too much, and besides - Dan needed to leave his mark too. Phil had left him quite a few hickies this morning and last night.

As Dan mouthed at Phil’s neck, licking and biting at the tender skin just hard enough to leave a slight mark and make Phil whine under the touch, Dan trailed his lips lower and lower still. Phil’s fingers found his hair, carding through it and tugging lightly while his hips started rocking slowly. The feeling was erotic and wonderful all at the same time, causing Dan to moan against Phil’s skin as his lips found Phil’s collarbone and bit down sharply.

Phil’s chest arched up a little at the feeling, causing Dan to grin, and move further down Phil’s chest. He found himself nuzzling at the little tuft of Phil’s chest hair, before he moved further to circle his tongue around Phil’s nipple. Phil let out a soft sound, but he was no louder now than he’d been the past two times, which made Dan pout but no less turned on.

“My nipples aren’t as sensitive as yours,” Phil admitted when Dan sunk in to suck at one a little, slightly unsure because the pink nub wasn’t quite the same as Dan’s ex-girlfriend’s had been. Nonetheless, Dan worried it between his mouth a little, nipped, and pulled away.

“Where are you sensitive, then,” Dan asked, voice quiet. Phil tilted his chin down to look at Dan, and blinked, long and slow, like he was trying to collect his thoughts.

“My ribs,” Phil admitted after a moment, the words a little slurred, his breathing uneven.

Grinning, Dan returned to the task at hand, and started making his way down Phil’s body to his ribs. He ducked in close on the left side to bite into the soft bone, pleased when Phil’s hips jerked at the touch and he let out a soft hissing sound. Dan thought he could feel Phil yanking a little on his hair, and it caused him to close his eyes in pleasure of his own. It felt so good to pleasure Phil and touch him in the spots that aroused him, rather than the other way around for once.

Phil’s skin was so warm against Dan’s mouth as he made slow work trailing his lips against Phil’s ribs. It felt good, and so fucking enticing that Dan just wanted to mouth at Phil for forever. As Dan moved, licking over the sensitive skin and biting at key points, Phil’s fingers clutched tigther to his hair and he started to huff out more and more strained little noises. Dan like the way his mouth could make Phil’s body twitch and shudder under him, the fact that he was turning him on, and that Phil was slowly starting to unravel and lose that careful restraint he’d worked so hard to hold on to.

Dan’s teeth scraped across Phil’s body, and he licked at the dark red bruises he’d started to leave behind, just teetering over into purple. They looked so lovely pressed into Phil’s skin that Dan wanted to cover every last inch of Phil in similar marks, so he shifted so he could move to Phil’s right side, and mimic his earlier ministrations.

Phil’s body jolted in surprise at the sudden switch in pleasure, his hips arching a little until his cock was pressing into Dan’s stomach. Dan grinned at the reaction, but didn’t let up what he was doing with his mouth.

This was the first time he was getting to touch Phil, after all. He wanted to make it memorable. For both of them.

His mouth was careful in its dedication to Phil’s ribs, but that didn’t mean he was particularly gentle. He moved his mouth with short, deliberate actions, biting and sucking and licking every chance that he could get. He counted Phil’s ribs with the slow drag of his tongue over them, and counted them again on the way back down, mouthing the numbers against Phil’s body. Phil shivered at every brush of Dan’s lips, every bite, and every lick. His thighs shook under Dan, and Dan thought if he looked, Phil’s toes might be curling in pleasure.

If the way he panted and released tiny noises was any indication, the way he whined at Dan, Phil was very much so enjoying this.

As was Dan.

Once Phil’s right side was just as bruised and marked up as his left, and Dan was satisfied with the way he looked covered in Dan’s mark, Dan leaned back, shifting his body down so that he was straddling Phil’s thighs. His hands traced down Phil’s ribs, causing him to shiver again. Just as Dan had counted Phil’s ribs, he counted the lovebites he’d left: one, two, three, four… fuck. There were at least six on each side, with a few more blossoming. Dan smiled mischievously before shifting down Phil’s legs, refocusing on his target.

Rather than sitting on top of Phil, Dan moved between his legs, and stared rather intently at the cock know hovering in front of his face. God, it was glorious. Just seeing how ready Phil was for him was making Dan excited, and he wanted nothing more than to get his mouth on him.

Phil, for the first time since Dan had started to suck at his ribs, propped himself up on his elbows and stared, wide eyed, at Dan sat between his legs. Phil’s cock twitched, clearly eager, but Phil looked a little bit concerned.

“Just - don’t take it too far, okay? Not everyone can, it’s fine. Just do whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

Dragging his eyes away from Phil’s cock, Dan stared up at Phil and nodded his head, but he knew already that he was going to push his own limits as much as he could, because that’s how Dan was. Not to mention, Phil had fucked two orgasms out of him, a feat Dan previously considered impossible. Phil deserved the best blowjob of his life just for that.

Or, well, at least the best that Dan could give him considering this would be his first one.

Settling his attention back on Phil’s cock as it lay in front of him, Dan licked his lips at the sight of it. It was warm and flush against Phil’s stomach, pulsing and waiting for Dan to do something with it. Leaning in a little, Dan stuck his tongue out and licked experimentally at the stretch of skin just above the base of Phil’s cock. It twitched violently in reaction, and Phil let out a soft huff, his eyes going a little glassy as his elbows slipped and he fell back on the bed. The reaction made Dan feel more confident, and he licked at Phil’s dick again, just to get used to what it felt like, to get more comfortable with the fact that he was about to give a blowjob to his best friend.

To his boyfriend.

Groaning a little, Dan reached out to grasp Phil’s cock in his hand, wrapping his fingers around the thick base and pumping it up and down a few times. Phil’s thighs jerked and quivered at the touch, a gasp leaking from his lips. Dan nearly moaned himself at the feel of Phil in his hand, all soft and sliky.

His cock only felt a little different from Dan’s, a little heavier, a little thicker. He was leaking precum from his foreskin now, a sight that made Dan’s stomach swoop in appreciation. Dan licked his lips, and allowed himself to grow a little more comfortable with the feeling of Phil’s dick in his hand before he leaned over and took Phil into his mouth.

Instantly, the salty taste of precum hit him. It was a little bitter, and not the nicest flavor in the world, but Dan ignored it in favor of stretching his lips around Phil’s cock and taking him a little deeper so that he was filling Dan’s mouth. Phil whimpered above him, reaching out to tangle his fingers in Dan’s hair and tightening around the soft strands before falling away again just as quickly. Dan whined a little at the brief contact, but Phil ignored him.

When Dan opened his eyes to find out why, he found that Phil was practically clawing at the bedsheets.

Fuck. That was a sight to see. Dan moaned a little around Phil’s dick, fingers starting to move at the parts of Phil that he couldn’t reach, his mouth bobbing experimentally. Phil’s hips jerked a little at the touch, an encouraging reaction to Dan, who smiled and started to suck while he was at it.

He didn’t really know what went into a blow job, but he did know what he liked when he was receiving one, knew what one looked like thanks to the porn he’d seen, and had even read a little bit about how it went, so he knew to bob his head and to close his lips tight and to suck as often as he could. Tongue was good too, he’d heard, but even with all of that advice, the internet had warned Dan that it would really all come down to what each individual guy preferred.

Dan hadn’t wanted to ruin the atmosphere they’d built up by asking Phil what he liked, so he figured he’d just try a little bit of everything. Besides, it seemed to be working. Phil wasn’t complaining.

His thighs flexed under Dan, and his fingers bunched at the sheets. His hips rocked into the touch a little, and he let out a slow slew of rumbly noises that were quiet but oh so satisfying.

Dan was pleased with himself, but not quite pleased enough. He wanted more. He wanted to give Phil everything that Dan knew felt good, and if there was one thing Dan knew, it was the fact that the more wet heat engulfed your cock, the better.

Deep throating wasn’t really an option at that point. It felt like a necessity to Dan.

Shifting around a little as his neck began to ache, Dan got more comfortable on top of Phil, doing his best to keep up the slow movements he was making. He kept his head bobbing, did his best to suck around Phil, and prepared himself to go against what Phil had suggested.

Once Dan was comfortable, and he thought he’d be able to keep a tighter grip on his gag reflex, he removed his hand from Phil’s dick, and, without warning, sunk down onto Phil as low as he could. Phil’s cock filled his mouth, the sensation heady and erotic. Dan felt himself beginning to choke a little, tears filling the corners of his eyes as Phil got deeper and deeper, but he didn’t pull back because Phil was moaning.

Phil was fucking moaning above him, something he’d only done properly once, the sound loud and needy. It felt like it boomed throughout the room, sending heat flooding down to Dan’s dick. It twitched angrly, and Dan moaned around Phil himself, gagging a little and pulling back up, only for Phil’s hips to follow him.

“So-so-sorry!” Phil gasped, trying to settle down. HIs hips were twitching uncontrollably though, and Dan didn’t mind. The fact that Phil couldn’t help himself was impossibly enticing.

Dan sunk back down on him again.

The next sound out of Phil’s mouth was entirely unintelligible, but just as loud as the first, if not louder. Phil’s hips came up off the bed of their own accord, shoving Phil’s dick deeper into Dan’s mouth. He felt it hit the back of his throat hard, could almost feel his lips touching the base, when he gagged. The feeling forced Dan back some, despite him not wanting to pull back, and caused Phil to whimper, his dick beginning to pulse aggressively in Dan’s mouth.

Dan groaned around Phil. The sensation of giving Phil so much pleasure was curling heat inside of Dan’s gut, making his head fuzzy with the desire to do more, to push for more, so he sunk back down onto Phil greedily. His lips inched down Phil’s cock and pulled back up, Dan’s movements becoming more slick and smooth, his mouth taking more and more with each bob. Phil was making noises Dan hadn’t heard from him yet, and all Dan wanted to do was keep it going.

Phil, on the other hand, did not.

Fingers gripped tight to Dan’s hair, tugging until Dan was forced to pull off of Phil’s cock and stare up at him instead.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay,” Phil whimpered, sitting up as he dragged Dan up his body. Dan dis his best to follow the movement, wobbling a little as he was shifted to sit half on top of Phil, chest pressed to Phil’s, and lips dragged almost immediately into a heated kiss. Goosebumps exploded on Dan’s skin as Phil’s hands shifted down his body, squeezing at Dan’s bare bum, and rucking up the bottom of Dan’s shirt. Dan moaned against Phil’s lips, breathless with want.

“Ne-need to sto-stop,” Phil managed to gasp out, dragging his mouth from Dan’s and collapsing back on the bed. Hands slick with sweat, and a little uncoordinated from the quick shift in position anyway, Dan fell too, collapsing on Phil’s chest for a second time.

He was quick to adjust himself, however, shifting to push himself back into a sitting position, straddling Phil’s thighs. Grinning smugly, Dan stared down at the mess he’d made of Phil, at the way his cock was twitching and leaking precum. It felt good to be the cause of such a debauched look.

Phil’s dick was hard and red, and the sight of it dribbling all over Phil’s tummy made Dan think that Phil had been close, very close. It was a bit of knowledge that made Dan’s dick jump against his own belly, and his heart swoop in his chest.

He’d done that. He’d done that.

“Fuck,” Phil gasped, when he seemed to have gotten a hold of himself. “Fuck, Dan, I…”

Clearly, he was at a loss for words. Dan laughed, the sound giddy, because the only other time Phil had sounded like that, he’d been fucking Dan. This time, Dan had unwound him.

Half heartedly, Phil frowned at him.

“Shut up.”

“What? I didn’t say anything,” Dan teased, unable to help himself. Phil, in retaliation, reached out to smack at Dan’s legs, missing completely and hitting his own instead. Phil’s thigh twitched, and he moaned, tossing his head on the bed.

“Stoooop,” he whined. His forehead was dripping in sweat, now that Dan was really looking at him, and his entire chest was flushed a dark red that almost rivaled his dick. Dan laughed giddly again, and went to straddle Phil, no longer caring if he jostled him too much. Phil moaned at the feeling of their cocks rubbing against each other, and Dan looked down to take in the sight of the two of them together.

Phil was almost completely naked, with just his button up shirt sitting on his shoulders, but Dan was still wearing his dark shirt from earlier, the collar stretched a little but otherwise completely covering Dan’s torso. His dick was peeking out from under the worn fabric, rubbing at Phil’s, and sending sparks of pleasure up both of their spines. Dan was living for it.

He wished he could get a picture of this moment, but instead, he leaned down to kiss Phil and swallow his next moan. The fact that Phil seemed unable to stop making the noises sent a shiver up Dan’s spine. He’d finally broken down that careful control Phil always seemed to hold onto. It was nice to finally feel like Dan had properly taken Phil apart.

Phil’s lips were wet and a little uncoordinated on Dan’s. It was clear he was still trying to get his bearings after the blowjob, still trying to hold himself together, so Dan took lead in the kiss and coaxed Phil into a more gentle rhythm. The kiss was sweet, overall, affectionate, and a wonderful reminder to Dan that this was so much more to both of them then Dan had thought the night before.

In a way, it made the moment so much more intense, so much better, because there were no worried questions swirling around in Dan’s mind, and no concern that this would be the last time.

Far from it, if Dan could help it.

Eventually, Phil seemed to get a hold of himself, and rolled them both over so that Dan was the one lying on his back, and Phil was on top of him. It was so much like last night that Dan shivered in anticipation, wondering how it would differ this time. Everytime with Phil felt like a new, wonderful experience.

Dan hoped it would always felt like that between them.

The movement caused Dan to roll onto the lube, condoms, and glove, a reminder of what was to come, and Dan groaned a little, reaching under himself to dig them out. When he did, he realized just how close they’d rolled to the edge of the bed. His head was practically falling off the back end, so that if he opened his eyes, he could just see the camera and Phil’s bedroom door stood open, but they were also nearly falling off the side.

“Move over some, or you’re gonna make me fall,” Dan complained, despite Phil’s lips sucking roughly at his neck, a spot they both knew drove Dan a little crazy. Phil looked up, eyes hazy with arousal, and seemed to take note of their situation as well, shifting some so that Dan could get closer to a safer part of the bed.

That was all the distraction Phil seemed willing to give, however, as he returned right back to Dan’s neck for a good few moments, working it over and likely leaving another mark in place, if the way his teeth dug into Dan’s skin was any indication.

Dan didn’t mind. It felt good. It always felt good to have someone sucking at his neck, but Phil somehow managed to make Dan feel even better, feel like he was on fire, like he was on top of the world. Hips jutting up as a not-so-subtle reminder of what Dan wanted, Dan ground his cock into Phil’s, and nearly purred at the wonderful situation.

Some day, they needed to just spend the night grinding into each other. Yeah, that was a good thought, but a thought for another time. For right now, Dan just wanted Phil to get on with it. He’d waited long enough. Nudging his cock against Phil’s again, Darn tried to make him move along already without speaking, since his mouth was so busy making other noises, but Phil ignored him.

“‘M busy,” Phil complained against Dan’s neck, moving one hand to shove Dan’s hips back down on the bed. Ironically, the movement made Phil fall on top of Dan a little, forcing their hips even closer than Dan had made them before. Dan had no reason to complain about the change in position.

“Well then hurry up and not be busy,” Dan teased, lacing his fingers together behind Phil’s back in order to hold him close. Phil grumbled something against Dan’s neck, but didn’t stop kissing him, licking at the skin the same way he had yesterday. It felt different though, somehow, with the knowledge Dan had of Phil wanting to be with him, of Phil being his boyfriend. It made Dan feel treasured, and heat rushed to his core.

Dan pulled his hands apart to sweep his palms up and down Phil’s back, the motion making Phil’s unbuttoned shirt bunch up. Phil groaned, and pulled away from Dan’s neck to shrug out of the cloth, before tugging at the hem of Dan’s.

“Take it off,” he insisted.

Dan didn’t waste a second doing just as he’d been told. He arched his back off the bed, reached behind him, and dragged the shirt over his head by the collar. He flung it to the floor, not caring what happened to it when he had Phil on top of him, and reached for Phil. Phil, however, did not immediately return to the position they’d been in before. Instead, he stared down at Dan’s chest, mesmerized by it, and reached down to rub his palms down it. Dan felt Phil stop on a few spots, thumb rubbing over what Dan knew was a hickey, before moving on.

“You’re gorgeous,” Phil whispered. “I didn’t tell you yesterday, but you’re fucking beautiful, Dan.”

The way Phil stared at him, Dan believed him. Sure, Phil had said things of a similar nature before, calling Dan hot, or sexy, even gorgeous a time or two, but this time it was said with such a sincere, affectionate tone that Dan felt like the most beautiful person in the world.

Phil’s fingers traced down to his hips.

“God, I love you,” he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss right over Dan’s heart.

It thumped hard in reaction. Phil’s lips were warm, a brand against Dan’s skin.

Dan’s eyes fluttered closed. He was smiling, his hands shifting up to press over his heart, wanting for just one moment to keep the kiss right there. Phil laughed, but it was a soft, sweet sound, almost a breathy giggle, like Phil understood.

When Dan next opened his eyes, Phil was shifting his position on top of Dan so that he could kneel between his legs. Dan’s thighs shook in anticipation for what was coming, and he spread his legs on instinct while Phil reached over him to grab a glove and the lube. His hair fell into his eyes as he popped the cap, and got his fingers slicked up for Dan.

Phil dropped the open bottle next to them both, leaning over Dan to kiss at his chest while his fingers found Dan’s rim for the third time. Dan lifted his legs a little, trying to make things easier on Phil while Phil nipped at his collarbones. Dan’s hands found Phil’s shoulders, and he soothed his fingers over the soft skin, huffing out a desperate breath when Phil’s finger started to press inside of him.

“So good for me, sweetheart,” Phil murmured, stretching Dan open.

It was easier this time. Dan thought it might be easier with each time they did this, or maybe easier the more often they did it, he didn’t know. All he knew was that after being stretched open twice in as many days, this third time felt easy, simple, and Phil’s fingers glided inside of him like they belonged there.

Dan was sure things were far more messy this time as well, but he didn’t care. Phil didn’t seem to care either, pushing his finger in and out in that same, practiced ease as the past two times. He didn’t rush, taking his time with Dan despite Dan knowing they were both desperate for this, beyond ready to get going, to be pressed tight together, moving in synch as pleasure surged through them.

Phil was far more patient than Dan.

When he pressed in a second finger and found Dan’s prostate, Dan started to cry out in earnest.

“Love the sounds you make,” Phil said, voice weak with desire, his lips barley skimming Dan’s chest now. He was breathing heavy, shifting on top of Dan to get the best angles, trying to work him open the best he could. Dan let himself ride down on Phil’s fingers, tossing his head back and forth on the bed, because it was becoming easier, hotter, more arousing than ever before to be penetrated like this.

“God, Dan,” Phil moaned, pulling his fingers free and leaning up to kiss him. There was an awkward shuffle, an annoyed huff, and before the kiss could really start, Phil pulled back and sat up to remove the glove on his hand. He pulled up from the cuff so when it came free it was inside out, and tossed it to the floor.

“It’s a good thing we finished filming, because I don’t think I’ll be able to move after this,” Phil whispered, before leaning in and actually kissing Dan this time. Their mouths tangled a little awkwardly, their breathing stuttering as Phil’s cock once again rubbed against Dan’s, but it was good. The feeling was one of intense eroticism that Dan didn’t want to let go of. He reached for Phil again, skimming his fingers down his ribs, knowing that he was touching marks he’d made, and enjoying the little rumble that the touch got him from Phil. The sound was deep and straight from the back of Phil’s throat, a sound that went straight to Dan’s dick.

So the moaning was good, but Phil’s sounds in general were amazing. The fact that Dan could do this to him…

“Fuck me, Phil,” Dan moaned when Phil finally pulled away to catch his breath. Dazedly, Phil nodded his head, and leaned back in for one last press of lips to lips.

When he pulled away, he still looked a little out of it. He was breathing really heavily now, and when he want to grab for the condom, his fingers slipped on the packaging. It took Phil a moment to grab hold, and another to rip it away from the rest. When he did, he ended up ripping the foil awkwardly, and the sight made Dan laugh from under him.

“Shut up,” Phil whined, trying for a smile, despite being distracted in his attempt to roll the condom over his dick and slick himself up with the still open bottle of lube. His hands were shaking, always shaking, and Dan came to realize that was Phil’s tell.

Phil was at least a little bit out of control with lust, but also maybe, maybe it meant he was nervous because he liked Dan, and because this was more to him than just sex. Dan hoped fervently that it was both because the idea of Phil shaking for him was an amazing one.

To affect someone so much…

Dan groaned a little, tossing his head back.

Thanks to the movement. Dan didn’t see when Phil moved again, but he did feel Phil dragging his legs upwards and pushing his thighs into a more open position. Dan’s eyes flew open as he realized what was happening, how Phil seemed intent on getting as close to Dan’s body just like this.

Phil wanted to fuck him in this position.

Dan gasped, and instantly pulled his legs up to his chest, contorting his body a little bit so he’d be wide open and exposed to Phil. His breathing grew far more intense at the very idea of Phil taking him from the missionary position, and he whispered out a chanted, “Yes, yes, yes.”

He wanted this, he wanted this so fucking much. They’d done it most other ways Dan was familiar with, sort of. He wanted this, now. He wanted traditional, to be able to see Phil’s face, and feel him rocking into him. He wanted to know what it was like for Phil to be completely in charge while looking at Dan.

He wanted to feel as close to Phil as he possibly could.

“I want to make love to you,” Phil suddenly blurted out, eyes a little wide and confused. His mouth dropped open after he said it, and Dan found himself staring up at Phil with his lips parted in confusion.

That had probably sounded better in Phil’s head. It sounded better in movies, and tv shows, and books, too. Hearing it in real life? It just sounded… awkward, and a little bit wrong.

Dan’s lips curled up into a little smile. He could feel a laugh beginning to build in his chest, and he didn’t want to laugh at Phil for trying to be sweet, it was just… well… not only were the words cheesy, but completely weird in a situation like this. They were having sex, yeah, fucking… and, well they loved each other. So it was kind of a give in that this was more than just a casual thing.

Phil groaned and dropped his head against Dan’s exposed inner thigh, laughing at himself awkwardly as he shook his head. Dan, who’d been biting his lip, let it go as he started to laugh as well.

“I was just trying to be -”

“I know,” Dan replied, stifling his laughter. He reached up as best as he could around his folded up body, and let his fingers trail lightly against Phil’s arms. “I get it. You’re sweet. But please, Phil, just… for the love of god, get inside of me already.”

Dan was smiling as he said it, and Phil still had his face pressed into Dan’s legs, but it seemed to help to cut the tension some. Phil drew away to laugh down at Dan, eyes wide and happy, and Dan felt his heart tumble over in satisfaction.

He liked this. He liked having sex with Phil. He liked how Phil tried to make it as good as possible, how he tried to strip away the whole sex thing to something more romantic than Dan was used to, and how Phil was trying so hard to make sure Dan knew that he wanted everything with him. And he liked how Phil could make him laugh, even right now, in the middle of sex.

“Whatever you want,” Phil finally replied, pressing a soft kiss to Dan’s knee, before letting go of his thighs entirely. That left Dan to hold his own legs up, which was a bit more difficult than he’d thought it would be, but he did it so that Phil could take hold of his cock and line it up with Dan’s body.

The initial push of Phil’s cock into him was a little rough. The bluntness of the movement always seemed to rock and jostle Dan a little, but after, it was just as good as Dan remembered it to be. Phil’s cock spread his walls wider, and the push against them was intoxicating. Dan was coming to the love the full feeling he got whenever Phil first pushed into him, and couldn’t wait for Phil to push all the way in.

Phil took him slow, though. He bit his lip and he pushed in at an easy, measured pace, determined not to hurt Dan, for which Dan was grateful. Once his hand was free from his cock, he even reached back up to hold Dan’s thighs in place, and help him keep them spread. His fingers were a little rough, squeezing at the tender skin, but Dan couldn’t blame him when Dan was sure the tight heat of Dan’s body must be driving Phil insane.

He’d seen Phil lose a little bit of control that morning. Dan must feel good, and yet here Phil was, patient as always, careful to take care of Dan.

Dan reached up to card his fingers through Phil’s fringe affectionately, shoving it away from his forehead, and rubbing his thumbs over Phil’s lips when he was done. Dan’s eyes were half lidded with pleasure as Phil moved inside of him, but he wanted Phil to know how much Dan appreciated him for taking it easy.

When Phil’s hips were finally flush with Dan’s, Phil slumped into him, forcing Dan’s thighs closer to his chest. Dan shifted them, trying to figure out just where exactly he could keep them and have them be out of the way. While Dan struggled, Phil’s lips found his, and kissed him so hard that Dan forgot entirely what he was doing, his legs falling open naturally.

“Love you,” Phil muttered against Dan’s lips, shaking as he tried to kiss him.

“Love you, too,” Dan mumbled back, words tripping over Phil’s tongue, his lips. He could feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest, and he groaned, dropping his head back against the pillows, unable to hold it up in order to kiss Phil any longer.

Phil took the dismissal in stride, mouth falling to other parts of Dan. Growing more and more breathless with each passing moment, Phil huffed against Dan’s chin, and then his jawline as he tried to pepper Dan in kisses. His hips rocked lightly inside of Dan, but not too much, not yet. Phil was still holding himself back, seemingly trying to get both of them ready for what was to come, but the lack of attention was driving Dan crazy. He just wanted Phil to move already.

But he trusted Phil. He knew that Phil knew what he was doing, knew that Phil knew when to move. Dan trusted that Phil was becoming more and more familiar with Dan’s body, trusted that he knew how much Dan could take, and let his head fall back so he could just… take.

God, the whole experience somehow felt more intense than the last two. There was a swell of emotion sitting between both of them, an affection that tried to take over the room. Every part of Dan was sweaty and pulsing with want, but he still had enough in him to recognize and hold onto the fact that Phil loved him. He was so, so consciously aware this time that this meant as much to Phil as it meant to Dan, and it was making the whole world feel…

Well. Rose colored, if Dan was allowed to be cliche. He was viewing the world through rose colored glasses, and it looked fucking beautiful.

Phil’s hips started to shift, and Dan’s world narrowed down to the way their bodies fit together, the way Phil’s cock felt inside of him, throbbing and so fucking hard. Phil gasped a little as he started to work in and out of Dan, starting with shallow little thrusts, and working up to something more. He kept his hips angled slightly on each movement, nudging along to find Dan’s prostate as always, ever intent on milking an orgasm out of Dan, and Dan dug his nails into the bedsheets below him.

He wanted to reach for Phil, but he didn’t want to hurt him, so the bedsheets would have to do. If Dan left a few holes in his wake for Phil to deal with, well. Dan figured Phil would think it had been worth it.

A long stream of whines and moans spilled out of Dan. He tossed his head on the bed, arching his back with every movement of Phil’s, legs shaking from the force of Phil fucking him combined with their somewhat awkward position. Phil gasped into Dan’s collarbones, hair brushing against Dan’s skin deliciously, as he worked to fuck Dan deeper, to find that one spot -

Dan thrust down on Phil’s cock, and the angle shifted just enough for Phil to find Dan’s prostate.

The moan that burst out of Dan then was very nearly a wail. His hips bucked upwards, cock twitching where it lay on his stomach, and Phil huffed out a happy little chuckle in reaction, the sound breathless, a puff against Dan’s skin.

Unlike the last time they’d fucked, Dan was able to see the way Phil smiled happily to have succeeded in that small little thing, and it made Dan want to swoon. God, Phil was a delight to behold. Dan felt like the luckiest person in the world to mean something to Phil. Sure, Phil had probably cared just as much about his other partners’ satisfaction, but he probably hadn’t cared quite like this. Dan was special. He could see it written all over Phil’s face.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan as he started trying to fuck Dan properly. The hands that had been helping to keep Dan’s thighs in place dropped onto either side of Dan’s body as Phil let go, tucking his face into Dan’s neck and fucking him harder than the last two times. The tempo just seemed a little faster, a little less gentle, but so, so fucking good that Dan couldn’t complain. Phil’s cock dragged along his walls deliciously, causing shudders of pleasure to race up Dan’s spine.

His cock was beginning to dribble precum all over his stomach, pulsing lightly. Dan could feel the heat beginning to build inside of him, and he was quickly forgetting what it felt like to get so close to orgasm, but lose it and become overwhelmed instead. Phil had driven it from his mind with the feeling of him fucking Dan, had driven it from his mind with the fact that he’d figured out the secret to making Dan come, and Dan was so fucking grateful.

Now, he could just focus on the feeling of his pleasure building, intensifying with each passing thrust, with every slide across his prostate. Phil’s mouth was hot on his shoulder, mouthing at it a little awkwardly, as he kept moving.

Phil’s limbs were shaking. Dan wondered if his body was still tired from the last two times he’d worked Dan over, wondered if he needed to take over, but there was no easy way to do that.

Soft whimpers and calls of Phil’s name dribbled from Dan’s mouth, a sound lost to the heaving breathing in the room. Dan’s head was tossed back, hair a mussed mess, and his forehead beaded with sweat. He gave up on not touching Phil, and reached his arms up to dig his fingernails into Phil’s shoulders, grasping tight and moaning at the feeling of slick, wet skin.

God. God. Phil felt so good inside of him. Dan never wanted this to stop. He didn’t know how anyone could let this go. Had any past lovers fought to keep Phil around after the first time? Dan would have. Dan kind of had. But Phil was his now, and no one else was ever going to get to experience this if Dan had his way.

“Phil, fuck, fuck,” Dan groaned, turning his head to press kisses to his sweaty skin. Phil let out a shuddery breath against Dan’s shoulder, and kissed him back.

“Mm.” Phil was almost inarticulate. “Dan…”

His voice was unsteady and fucking erotic with how deep and northern it had gone. He didn’t quite sound like himself, like the guy Dan had gotten to know. He sounded almost like a different person, and it was… hot to say the least.

Dan suddenly became aware of the fact his toes had curled up and were beginning to cramp a little from the intense waves of pleasure, suddenly became aware of the fact that he was fucking himself back against Phil, trying to take all of him, to take everything he could get. He suddenly became aware of the niggling ache that was left over from the last two times they’d fucked, but he didn’t care.

He couldn’t care, because this all felt so fucking good. His groin tightened up as Phil kept going against him, letting out tiny little whining noises that made Dan think he was close but holding himself back for Dan. The heat in Dan’s stomach started to spread to all of him, taking over his senses, and his vision went a little hazy around the edges.

All Dan could think about was Phil.

His nails dragged down Phil’s back, scrabbling for purchase. He was probably leaving long scratch marks in his wake, but that only turned him on even more, and he arched his hips up towards Phil’s body, cock bouncing against his stomach. He wanted to come, he needed to come, but he wasn’t quite there yet.

His body was straining for it, begging for it, and Dan wanted nothing more than to give in.

Phil’s thrusts became faster, losing their rhythm, as he shifted on top of Dan and tried to keep himself under control.

That was it, though. The movement drove Phil’s cock deeper, forcing it further into Dan, and Dan let out a long wail at the feeling, legs spasming a little and cock twitching. He was there, he was there, he was so fucking sure of it.

“Little more, little more, little more,” he moaned, scrabbling harder at Phil, scratching his nails down his body to find his hips and force him to push in deeper, harder, faster, anything fuck please. The heat was coiling deep inside of him, sending bliss searing through his veins. All Dan needed was a little more, a little more…

“God, Phil,” he wailed when his orgasm finally hit, racing through him in a huge burst of ecstasy. Dan’s body went boneless, his legs falling to his sides, catching on Phil’s hips. Phil grunted at the feeling, at Dan’s body squeezing around him, something Dan was acutely aware of this time, and continued to thrust into Dan. It didn’t take Phil long to come, though. Not this time. The sudden rapid thrusting followed by Phil shoving as deep inside as he could was sign enough, and it made Dan’s orgasm feel all the better as it continued to ripple through him.

Phil collapsed on top of Dan, and Dan let his legs fall to the bed, eyes closed as he breathed heavily. Phil was panting into the crook of Dan’s neck, the sensation sending an extra bout of trembled through Dan. Phil’s body shook as well, working its way through the sensation of orgasm.

Dan did his best to soak in this moment, soak in the waves of pleasure coursing through him, and how fucking good it felt every fucking time.

How had he gone so long without this? How had he gone so long without Phil? How was he was going to do without all of this when he left Phil’s tomorrow. Not just the sex, but Phil to - his closeness, his affection, and the constant reminder that Phil was real and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Dan shook his head, doing his best to dispel the thoughts that were beginning to ruin the euphoria Dan had been previously moving. He shifted a little at the same time, beginning to become aware of the way his thighs had started to cramp, and his back was beginning to ache from being fucked three times in two days. As Dan shifted, he pressed a kiss to the side of Phil’s ear, the only part of Phil he could reach, and giggled when Phil replied with a sound that was completely unintelligible.

Finally, Dan had broken through Phil’s careful control. He’d wrecked him, and it felt good.

Phil made no attempt to get off of Dan either. He didn’t attempt to pull out, or roll over, or take the condom off. Instead, he lay on top of Dan like a lump of heaving flesh as they both did their best to work their way down from the high of orgasm.

The orgasm they’d had together.

Together.

Holy shit, they’d pretty much come together. Dan couldn’t believe it. That had never happened before. That had been a romantic dream that only seemed to exist inside of movies, and definitely not in Dan’s life, but it had happened. It had actually happened.

Dan laughed.

“Holy fuck.”

Phil shuffled on top of him, finally drawing back to pull free from Dan, and rolled over. He reached down almost instantly for the condom, drawing it away, and tying it off to dispose of it. It ended up on the floor with the glove, but Phil didn’t seem to care. He rolled into Dan’s side, and smushed his cheek against his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he whispered dazedly.

But he didn’t understand.

“Phil,” Dan insisted. “Phil, we came together.” Another slightly hysterical giggle erupted from Dan’s lips, followed by him leaning over to pepper Phil’s head with kisses, because this was actually happening, this was actually real. Never in his wildest dreams had Dan thought he could experience this much, and here Phil was, proving him wrong.

Phil groaned against Dan’s on slought, not seeming to realize what Dan had, what Dan had just told him. Dan rolled a little despite the ache affecting every single one of his muscles, and took Phil’s face in his hands to kiss him properly on the lips.

“We came together,” Dan whispered.

Phil finally seemed to get it. He gasped into the kiss, and pulled back from Dan only to stare at him with wide blue eyes, and the most unsure smile of all time.

“We did,” he said, voice filled with awe as the smile began to morph into something more sure. Suddenly, Phil was laughing, and he leaned in to capture Dan’s lips in another kiss. Their laughter petered out into huffs of pleasure and pleased little sighs, as their mouths came together over and over again. Dan never wanted to stop kissing Phil. His fingers found Phil’s hair, and he carded the long, sweaty strands back and off of Phil’s forehead.

“You’re fucking amazing, you know that?” Dan mumbled, drawing his lips away from Phil’s to kiss his cheeks instead, his forehead, his chin - any place Dan could reach, he kissed, because Phil deserved it. Because Dan was impossibly in love.

“Mm, love you so much,” Phil returned, reaching up to card his fingers through Dan’s hair. The feeling was warm, and sent a shiver down Dan’s spine, as Phil ran his fingers back and forth against his scalp, massaging at the skin. It was nice. It was so fucking nice that Dan just kept kissing Phil, uncaring that his lips were going numb.

Then, the loud sound of a beep filled the room, and Dan’s head jerked up.

The camera.

“Oh my god,” Dan gasped, at the same time as Phil moved to stare, wide eyed, at the camera too. Slowly, their eyes met, realization dawning on both of them.

The camera had died, which meant it had recorded the whole fucking thing.

Dan and Phil had inadvertently made a sex tape.

“Oh my god, Phiiiiil,” Dan whined. “I can’t believe we forgot to turn the camera off!”

Phil started to laugh, rolling into Dan and tucking his face into his chest, his mouth pressed against sweaty skin. The feeling of his body shaking made Dan’s body shake too, until he was laughing hysterically against Phil.

Fuck, fuck, they were idiots.

Dan couldn’t believe this. His shoulders shook with the force of his laughter, and he reached to hug Phil close at the same time as Phil slung an arm over his waist. The touch was intimate, familiar, and damn near perfect.

If it weren’t for the fact that they were both laughing over a sex tape.

Fuck. A fucking sex tape. Were they proper celebrities now? The thought only made Dan laugh harder, and he tucked his face into Phil’s hair, and muffled his giggles there.

“What would my mum think,” Dan asked, shaking his head. Phil snorted into his chest, pulling away with a half grimace, half grin

“Please don’t bring our mum’s into this!”

“It’s too late, I already did,” Dan joked, kissing Phil. “Mum, I’m running away to become a porn star with Phil,” he added for good measure. “I think we’ll do well. Phil’s pretty fit to be honest.”

“Dan!” Phil moaned, shoving his face into Dan’s neck to hide it. “Don’t say that! I want your parents to like me!”

Dan snickered.

“It’s too late, Phil. You’ve corrupted me. They’re never going to forgive you now.”

Phil moaned in horror, sweat soaked body wiggling against Dan as he attempted to burrow deeper into Dan’s chest. Dan wrapped his arms around Phil more properly on instinct, grinning, as the realization that Phil wanted his parents to like him, probably wanted to meet them, sunk in. Dan could feel himself becoming giddy with happiness, flying high on the combination of an amazing orgasm and Phil’s love for him. There was no room left for Dan to be properly horrified by the sex tape.

“I’m sure they’re going to love you,” Dan whispered into Phil’s hair. How could they not? Phil was the perfect gentlemen when he wanted to be, successful and with a degree. What parent wouldn’t be happy their child was dating him?

Dan’s mood shifted a little as he imagined introducing himself to Phil’s parents.

“I’m the one who's going to be a disappointment, remember?”

Phil pushed himself out of Dan’s hold, and glared at him.

“Don’t say that. My parents are going to love you, Dan. You’re amazing.”

“No, that’s you,” Dan teased.

Phil’s frown deepened, and he pushed at Dan until Dan was leaning away and Phil could really look at him. His expression was a mix of pained hurt, frustration, and determination. Dan’s grin started to fade a little.

“You’re the only person whose ever made me feel like this, Bear. I’ve never introduced any partner to my family. They’re going to take one look at you, one look at the way you make me smile, and they’re going to want to adopt you into the Lester clan immediately.”

Phil’s voice was soft, but filled with a quiet kind of strength that made Dan shiver. Dan’s gaze lowered as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He was smiling though, the slow kind of smile that sent a rush of emotion through Dan - happiness, affection, appreciation. Dan was so, so grateful to Phil.

Slowly, Dan leaned in for a soft kiss.

Phil hummed into it, reaching up to press his hands to Dan’s cheeks, and stroking his thumbs over the skin there gently. Dan sighed into the motion.

When he pulled away, he leant his forehead against Phil’s.

“Thank you,” he replied softly.

“Anytime,” Phil promised.

They sat like that for a moment, just staring into each other’s eyes and smiling, Phil’s fingers stroking over Dan’s skin. Dan felt warmth blossom through him. He felt like he was home.

How had Dan gotten so lucky?

After a moment, Phil let go of Dan’s face and encouraged him to lay down on his back. Dan did so, a little confused, until Phil rested his head on Dan’s chest and curled into his side. Dan grinned at the change in position, at the way it left Phil vulnerable and small looking, at the fact that Phil was putting his whole trust into Dan not to hurt him. Dan reached up to stroke his fingers through Phil’s hair, while Phil sighed against his chest.

They stayed like that for a long time.

All Dan could think about was the fact that this was his. Phil was his. This whole moment was his. And while Dan was sure that he’d have another million moments just like this in his lifetime if he managed to not fuck things up with Phil, Dan still wanted to treasure this one for as long as he could.

“Do you think I could keep the footage?” Phil eventually murmured against Dan’s skin. “I think that’d be good wank material for the next ten thousand years.”

Dan huffed out a laugh, cheeks flushing bright red again at the reminder of their inadvertent sex tape. He smacked Phil on the arm lightly, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“Only if you give me a copy of it too.”

#phanfic #phanfiction #phanfictioncatalogue #phan #phan smut

208 notes · View notes