#i felt this a bit much
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
#warm up#this isn't good#writeblr#this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3#but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker#and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS#the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt#and medical debt#i will put that first little bit of cash#into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option#but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver#oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs
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💖 Alchemy 💖
Finished art from this week’s video! Idek how long it’s been since I got the chance to sit down and do some fully rendered character art, but revisiting Alchemy for this one was SO refreshing! (Tho y’all’s kind comments on this vid have been even more so, tysm 💖)
[DO NOT EDIT OR REPOST TO OTHER SITES / ACCOUNTS] ♻️reblogs are lovely tho!♻️
#artists on tumblr#abd illustrates#heartless#alchemy valentine#i didn't expect people to enjoy this piece so much#but several peeps in the comments on youtube have been saying like “woah there's so much style improvement in this one!”#and lemme tell y'all that has me like QwQ YAY?! 'cause i havent been able to make a proper piece like this in way too long#so i felt like i mighta regressed a bit if anything sghfksdf#all that to say-- yippee! im rlly happy bout that QwQ#its been very heartwarmin to see that kinda feedback bless y'all
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little miss fool 🎀🌙
#persona#persona 3#persona 3 portable#persona 3 reload#p3#p3p#p3re#kotone shiomi#my art#this is my reload kotone... i designed a sees uniform for her and then redesigned her in general a little bit#dark red shoes and i liked how she looked with the lanyard in pq2#silver earphones bc then it felt like too much red on top with the new armband 🥹 yeah
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Wait, the tsun event has a whole bit dedicated to Malleus bragging about what kitchen appliances he knows how to use? Twst EN just got the milk culinary crucible, which means at the same time Malleus is showing off, the entirety of the EN players are learning Leona doesn't know how to use a microwave. The timing really just makes it feel like Malleus is flexing on Leona XD
it's in Mal's card story rather than in the event proper, but yep! after teaching his tsum proper microwave usage, he takes it on a tour and very proudly shows off his extensive knowledge of household appliances. (except when he thinks his tsum fell into the washing machine and doesn't know how to unlock the lid, so he just. explodes it instead. hashtag just diasomnia things. 🤷)
I do think he and Leona should get into a fight about who has done a better job of learning how to use kitchen tools! Leona has the advantage of having grown up in the modern world, but Malleus has the motivation to actually do literally anything. who will win
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#guest starring leona tsum for no reason other than i felt like it#i really should do more with leona and malleus tbh#because i do love how leona tries so hard to not care about anything#but mal just annoys him SO MUCH he can't help it#and on the flipside malleus is (all things considered) remarkably chill#except when someone is a dick to him at which point he instantly becomes the world's pettiest asshole#it's all so excellent#also there's one bit where leona calls him a coathanger and i will never ever get over it
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Angela Orosco Silent Hill 2
#in anticipation of the incoming remake#i tried my best to imitate the SH font but#silent hill#silent hill 2#angela#angela orosco#theme of laura (reprise)#i've said it before but in spite of its occasionally clunky diction i think silent hill 2 is an unusually emotionally intelligent game#for any year and still today but especially so for where gaming storytelling was in 2001#and for as many pitfalls a story like hers could've dipped into i think it particularly shines through with how they treated angela#not just choosing to depict victimhood as something that can be ugly and fractious and open quote “difficult” but then this#actively rebuffing james for trying to be a white knight and dressing him down for it too#“i know you mean well and want to help but this isn't a simple problem"#“and it's really hurtful and a bit insulting that you act like you can”#the switching to a first person view turning it into an address to the player as well#maybe even old videogame tropes too#“this isn't some princess in a castle kind of situation dude this is more serious than that”#it felt like a very deliberate statement about the depth and severity of a trauma like this#and in doing so showing it so much respect#then angela just leaves#and you never see her again#i really don't think it was to imply that it consumed her i think it was to underline what was just said#this isn't your problem to fix#this is where your part in this story ends#there is no quick easy solution to this and you won't get one#there's some strength in that
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Extremely bad batgirls comic I made featuring Steph's sex life and Cass' ability to read everything but the room
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#batgirls#feels really wrong not tagging their ship here. they could be in an open relationship if you want#and Cass is either aspec or not down for sex for another reason and they've talked about it and whatnot#or it's just cass wingmaning steph#also those little scribbles in the bg are. vaguely circuit breaker and red canary BUT ONLY BC I BLANKED ON CHARACTERS-#-IN STEPH AND CASS' AGE GROUP WHO AREN'T GAY MEN OR TIM OR KON OR BART#i could've just had steph fuck a woman but i liked to imagine this could happen in canon. if DC were based (worse. much worse)#anyway normally i hate uploading bad drawings in poor quality but that just felt like the correct medium for this idea#I'm working on two dc for gaza Commissions rn and im a bit blocked w the lineart rn but we're truckin!
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realizing how much i like drawing him a million years too late :<
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuta okkotsu#okkotsu yuuta#yuuta#fanart#jjk fanart#i amn so sleepy today GJHKGJDS just felt like doing a bit of a return 2 form with red/white/grey colour palettes... smth easy#i will get back to being Actually productive now that i hav purged th yuuta brainworms fr the time being#rly tho it is criminal that i am only Now realizing how fun his design is given th state of canon.......#i want to draw him more! but ... the gojo suit.....#i think that whenever i draw yuuta it will b original flavour. i do not particularly want 2 draw limited edition gojo yuuta#also will i shut up abt these brushes yet the answer is no smile :)#the little Rake-y one is my LOVE when i was swatching them i honestly didnt think i would like it#but shes got so much personality!!!!!!#need to fill space? pastel rake. shadows not blending and look muddy? pastel rake#s tier brush in this Already stacked set
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A Wild Battinson (Social Media AU)
Part 43 (Masterlist)
(Part 44)
Me, to myself: I just think the series was better when I posted several times a week because the pacing felt more natural, and it translates better when people binge it.
Also Me, holding two jobs and a bat: If you try to post once a day again, I will disconnect your head from your shoulders—
@bruciemilf guess who’s back
Anyways, folks! :D So I'm thinking of a new upload schedule where I spend a bit preparing the next ten or so parts then post it all in two weeks? I think that would be fun (and much better for my creative process.)
I’ll be posting the next part very soon :) But it's going to be drastically different from what I've done before. Let’s see if anyone can guess why.
Yada yada don’t die LOVE Y’ALL
#also since I posted so much more I felt less guilty putting filler stuff in because you'd get more tomorrow#but NOW that feels like cheating because you waited a whole week (or three months whoopsie) even though when I look back at the older parts#-the filler bits were always the best#also the lore is just exhausting sometimes#I'm not writing the MCU here I need to calm down#I'm literally rereading my own series five times trying to think of more cute filler because that's CLEARLY what I'm missing#and pictures of him#I'm running out of pictures of Robert Pattinson it's finally happening#pray for me#a wild battinson#battinson#bruce wayne#batman#the batman 2022#batman 2022#the batman#dc universe#dc#battinson needs a hug#gotham#soft bruce wayne#gotham city#only in gotham#gothamite#social media au#social media
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doing the lineart for this was so hard i literally wanted to cry at one point lmao. But i'm really happy with how it looks <3 i hope you guys like it
#sandwichart#bagginshield#bilbo baggins#thorin oakenshield#the hobbit#fanart#i honestly didn't put much thought on the shading i just felt a bit lazy#also i don't know how but i made this have a texture that makes me think this would crunch i bite it#also i just noticed i didn't paint his beard lmao i can't believe this
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i need daniel to be overcompensating for his insecurities so bad. 100 times more cocky and rude and aggressive and insensitive than he was as a human, falling back into old dangerous habits and vices, not just because now he has new energy and power and wealth to flaunt but because it's ALL he has, and he needs to cling onto it. play it up and revel in it so no one sees that underneath, he feels like a botched fledgling in the body of a sick, faded old man who maybe has no real idea why he was even made. that armand might think he failed in making him. that his maker didn't even really want him.
#i think vampirism isnt inherently torturous to him in any sort of moral way#but more in an inner self worth/image way#louis felt he was failing because he rejected/didn't enjoy human blood and death#i can see daniel being fine with killing but being insecure about the way he turned out/the way he is now#and his complicated connection with armand and what it all means for him. why he cares what he thinks or feels when he doesnt want to#but he does. and he has all these questions he needs him to answer#this sort of thing would be a way to connect him to louis further and also lestat now#louis who felt like a “botched vampire” for a long time and lestat who was immediately abandoned by his maker#and how lestat coped with what had been done to him by trying to fully embrace what he'd been turned into#anyway the bottom line is i think he should suffer and struggle with vampirism just as much as everyone else has in his own way#but he still has to be a massive insufferable asshole about it. and maybe get smacked around a bit because of it#iwtv#daniel molloy
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After months of research and development and market testing and perfecting the first item I feel confident selling online, I have realized... that it is an incredibly niche item that only a specific subset of absolute nerds would want to buy, and I will have to do a ton of explaining the basic idea over and over again before people generally get what it is I'm even selling. RIP me
#this is like the time I spraypainted a bunch of screw heads gold#because I was putting up gold spraypainted shelf brackets and wanted these black screws to not stand out#and to make it easier I took a piece of thin cardboard and cut a series of Xes in it#then pushed the screws in a little bit and positioned it over the gap between boards on the back deck#and used my hammer to just plonk those screws into place so I could spraypaint them!#i felt so clever I posted a video of it#(gold spraypaint makes me feel giddy and childlike)#and everyone was like#“GIRL NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT DON'T TRY TO *HAMMER* YOUR *SCREWS* INTO A DECK!”#it took like. so much work to try to explain to people why this was a problem I wanted to solve#much less the mechanism by which i solved it#my brain is just. HIGHLY WEIRD SOMETIMES
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poor dazai he's just worried
Dazai: "Just stick with your old man speech."
Chuuya: "Old man- oi! I'm not that much older than you!"
Chuuya: "I assume you're not gonna eat before coming over, right?"
Chuuya: "You're already freeloading off me, so you're gonna eat what I give you!"
Dazai: "Why didn't Chuuya let me know he wanted me over this morning?"
Dazai: "I've never been to Chuuya's with an invitation before."
Chuuya: "And I'm a bit too busy to do that right now."
Dazai: "I guess we can't say no, huh?"
#long post#ask#update#anonymous#lacunazai#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai#bsd akutagawa#bungo stray dogs#skk#soukoku#(This is insanely long I apologise haha)#(lmk if any bits are difficult to read bc it is a lot of text)#(Not much was happening so I felt like I had to make more to compensate that lol)#(Anyways; Akutagawa!!)
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Change is a two-way street.
(Is my favoritism towards the Damsel obvious enough, or?)
note: TLQ [aka my sona Bloombird] is a butch sapphic and this is yuri
#slay the princess#stp fanart#stp narrator#stp protagonist#the long quiet#the damsel#stp princess#stp damsel#swearing tw#blood tw#tw sui attempt#ask to tag#I'm pretty sure it's canon that the Princess gets to outlive Birdman atleast for a short bit before the construct resets#and that oftentimes they BOTH have to die for it to reset. So.... I imagine pre-Damsel Princess was pretty devastated#I read a really beautiful comment on an stp soundtrack video about the parallel between Damsel and Witch/Thorn#and how Damsel so felt guilty she wanted to give up her entire personhood and desires just to make Birdman happy#so this is very much inspired by that
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AUGHH The site update was sooooo good- It motivated me to finish something I've been wanting to do for a while now: tweak and redesign the RW AU designs!!
Looking at the old one it's crazy to see how far they've come, being around before the Halloween update-- idk it's fun to see, same w my art style changes!! <3
Linking the old just for comparison,,,,,
#welcome home#welcome home au#real world au#wally darling#barnaby b beagle#julie joyful#frank frankly#eddie dear#howdy pillar#sally starlet#poppy partridge#these versions feel much fresher ngl....#i mean I didn't even change much w sally julie frank and eddie#wally only really got some paint splatters on him.....#howdy felt a bit naked so i gave him a lil cardigan to keep him warm!!#also matching fionn with that...#frank too...#i really hated barnaby's old outfit i HAD to change it-#I like it so much more!!!#Poppy didn't change but I do prefer her pose in the old one tho...
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BRO LITERALLY DOXXED HIMSELF TO THE CYCLOPS. he was asking to get jumped come on
#ATHENA WAS LITTERALLY BEGGING FOR BRO TO SHUT UP AND HE WAS JUST LIKE:#“HEY CYCLOPS IM THE REIGNING KING OF ITHACA AND MY NAMES ODYSSEUS BET YOU CANT FIND ME”#my art#epic the musical#epic the cyclops saga#odysseus#odysseus of ithaca#odysseus epic#athena#athena epic#eurylochus epic#out off topic but people that sent doodle request on ask im not ignoring y'all ok#it's just that my grandpa fell down on the kitchen and hit his head so now ive been a bit busy taking care of him#he's good btw nothing happened to him it was just a cut#but the gdi head always bleeds so much it was so scary#plus i felt another artblock starting so I had to doodle something silly and funny to kinda motivate myself lol#AND PLUS i started trying animating and turns out I KINDA HATE-LOVE IT#it's SO MUCH WORK TAKES SO MUCH TIME IT CAN BE SO BORING AT TIMES#but also once you kinda check how its looking overall it feels so good and fun??#anyways ill probably get to those asks around the weekend when ill have some free time :)
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