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hiddenzev · 1 month ago

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Second Confession: Final Part

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Something happened to reader, causing Joel to take care of her. A happily ever after.

Chapter Warnings - Fluff, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 13.3K

series masterlist, AO3

A/N: The hardest chapter for me to write yall that's why it took me longer to write. It could be better but I hope you guys love the closure. Thank you for taking the time to read this story!!

Breathing in the crisp and refreshing morning air, leaving fresh hoof prints in the snow that has piled up over the night, you’re out for the supply run with Joel this morning. It had started snowing a few days after that night at the bar like you guessed. With one horse each, both of you are riding along the trees in the woods in silence.

Ever since the outburst of emotions between you and him, he has been keeping true to the words of giving you as much time and space as you need before coming around to him again and he took it way too seriously. You never see him in the library after that or the town hall or anywhere else. As a matter of fact, it’s like he has disappeared from the face of this earth. He is avoiding you as much as possible.

You use that time to comprehend everything that happened during that exchange and properly consider the actions that you should take after that. The apology from him was unexpected and it caught you off guard. Time and time again, you would see the big brown puppy eyes that were gazing into yours, begging you for forgiveness, in your head throughout the whole day. The sincerity that you see from the desperation in his eyes, the trembling of his strained voice, moist lush lips from his constant nervous licking to the soft touch of his fingers on yours. You have never seen this side of him up close before and it shook your determination to not let him get to you again.

During those days that you didn’t see him, it felt kind of empty. It’s the first time he was out of your sight for more than a day and you get the feeling of ambivalence. On one side, you get to think more clearly without him affecting you in a physical way but on the other hand, you miss him a little bit. The constant consumption of his presence vanished and it bombarded you with the longing to see him even if it is just for a second.

He definitely needs to show more through his actions if he wants to be forgiven. You’re not going to let him off the hook easily just by him apologising like he did that night. Like he said, he should do whatever it takes to make it all up to you. At the same time, you want to be a better person and not treat him like shit at least. To give him the chance to prove himself that he do want your forgiveness.

The silence of the supply run is suffocating but you don’t mind it as you make up for the time that you were not able to see him by staring at him from the back as long as you can. As much as he frustrates you, you will never get bored of looking at him. As if he could sense that you were staring at him, he glances back to say that you both are nearing the first checkpoint to take a break. By this time during your usual patrols, the both of you would have already start to make your way back to Jackson. This is going to be way more taxing but you know you got to push through it.

Surrounded by some bushes and trees, you and Joel are sitting facing each other, resting. You packed enough food for at least 2 days, packing as light as possible for the travels and supplies. You’re munching on the last few bites of your sandwich when Joel hands a small cup of his coffee to you. You raise your eyebrows at him, not expecting him to share any of his beloved coffee with you. He points with his chin, telling you to drink it.

“Thank you.”

You hand him the cup back after finishing the coffee within a couple of gulps. You didn’t bring any coffee with you unlike Joel who is definitely a caffeine addict. Coffee is a scarce resource so to have him sharing it with you is definitely surprising when he doesn’t even want to share it with Tommy.

“I think we should pick up the pace if we want to reach there before it gets dark,” he says while looking out at the sky.

“Okay. Let’s move on now.”

You stand up and brush off the food crumbs and dirt on your pants. You move to your horse and make sure everything is alright before getting on it. Joel’s eyes follow your every movement and slowly make his way to his horse.

“Cmon Miller, we’ve got no time. Pick up the pace.” you jokingly nag at him as you watch him strap his stuffs back on the horse.

The goofiness in you just want to poke some fun at him since the whole trip from the start has been a boring nightmare. Raw dogging the whole ride on a horse with a quiet and stoic man like your partner is actually brutal to your sanity right now.

He looks back at you, annoyed. You want to let out a laugh so bad but you keep it in. Instead, a small smirk creeps out of your mouth as you look down at him. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of your smile, you turn your head to the side to hide it. Joel glares at you but his eyes soften when he catches that smirk of yours that you are trying to hide from him. He almost smile but straighten himself out and gets on the horse.

Both of you make your way to the designated spot to search for supplies in a faster speed than before. Eventually, you and Joel arrive there a couple hours before the sun goes down. From a distance, you can see there is a couple of cabin houses. Joel slows down and you follow suit, sensing that you should be cautious and ready if anything is going to happen. You scan the surrounding areas with sharp eyes, not wanting to miss something weird going on.

Joel leads you to a nearby tree to the nearest house, tying the horses to it. With rifles already gripped, both of you look at each other to discuss the plan.

Joel steps closer to you, eyes unwavering, whispering the plan, “We’ll check the houses one by one first. You stay close behind me and check our six. You see something, you let me know,” you nod, staring into his eyes, “If there’s no one, we’ll discuss more after. Ready? Stay sharp.”

“Stay sharp.” You echo his words and with determined glint in yours and Joel’s eyes, both of you start walking slowly to the nearest house first.

Joel is moving forward while you are checking the six, moving backwards towards Joel. You scan slowly if there’s anything or anyone hiding behind the trees. There’s no boot prints or any animal prints in sight except yours and Joel’s as you move. Reaching the first house, Joel opens the door easily as it wasn’t locked. Everything seems intact in their respective places, dusts everywhere meaning there wasn’t anyone that came around recently. But still, both of you are careful in exploring the place.

Joel and you check out the other houses as well and as you thought, this whole area hasn’t been infiltrated by anybody else for quite some time. There is an empty shed right beside the first cabin which Joel uses to shelter the horses for the night. After ransacking the houses, the both of you move the supplies found to the same shed and pack the things properly for the ride back to Jackson tomorrow.

The sun is setting once both of you are done with it and Joel is getting ready to warm the place up using the fireplace in the house. There’s only one couch that is big enough for one person to lie down on. Other than that, there are only a couple of wooden chairs around. You push the couch nearer to the fireplace and sits down on one side of it, watching Joel lit the fireplace up.

After making sure the fire is burning okay on its own, Joel moves back to the other end of the couch. You can hear his knees cracking as he sits, sighing heavily as his head reach the back of the couch. He closes his eyes as he listens to the cracking of the fire. You turn to look at him resting, taking in everything that you can to memory. His chest moving up and down slowly as he breathes. Noticing his beard and hair thicker and longer than it was a couple weeks before.

“I can feel you staring at me.” he speaks, breaking the silence in the cabin.

You look away to gaze at the fire as if you were not just staring at him.

“I wasn’t,” you deny.

“Yeah right.” He opens his eyes slightly to look at you while you tried to maintain your lie by focusing on the fire.

It is getting awkward again so you take out the food that you stored in your bag to eat for your dinner. Distracting yourself with food, Joel does the same thing, taking out a small packet of salad to eat. You notice that he was only eating greens which makes you wonder how the hell is he getting the strength without any protein in his food. The meat lover in you wouldn’t survive with just greens but hey, beggars can’t be choosers, you get it.

“Just salad?” You subconsciously frown as you ask him.

He snaps his head to you, surprised that you are making conversation with him, “No. I was short on protein. Only had the jerky which I stupidly left in my kitchen.” He looks forlorn like a kid being sad about the candy that dropped on the floor.

You hand him one of your leftover sandwiches that you have. You don’t mind giving him one because you made a bunch of sandwiches which is more than enough for you alone. He shakes his head refusing to take it.

“It’s fine. It’s your portion for tomorrow.” He refuses while picking at his salad.

“Nah, I’m good. I have more than enough.” You reassure him, not taking a no for an answer.

He takes the sandwich with hesitation, thanking you and takes a small bite out of it. You finish yours while glancing at him from time to time, making sure he is finishing his meal. He tries to hand you his coffee after the dinner but you refuse it this time because you needed to sleep soon. Both of you are slumping against the couch, legs stretched out, falling into the comfort of the night. You are in a daze as you stay still, fire gazing, before he speaks again.

“I read your letter.” He murmurs in a soft voice.

You keep quiet thinking about the letter that you wrote. You can vaguely remember word for word but you definitely know the highlights of it. Your face burns from the embarrassment again.

“I didn’t know how deep your feelings were before reading it. I’m sorry again for being a dick.”

You look down on your hands, not knowing where to look and what to say.

“I love the horse piece by the way. It’s beautiful. You should try to carve more often.” His eyes focuses on you when you turn your head to him.

His eyes twinkles with the reflection of the fire in front of the both of you.

“I thought you must have thrown it away after seeing your reaction that night,” Looking away from him, reminiscing what happened.

“I didn’t,” he shakes his head, feeling disappointed in himself for reacting badly.

The silence grow stronger as he is wallowing in sorrow of that night.

“How about the, uh, guitar pick?” In a quiet voice you ask.

He huffs softly thinking about it, “It’s so corny.” A small curl at the end of his mouth appears as he talks about it, his eyes everywhere else but you. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling shy from talking about it or maybe it’s just you that is affecting him.

“Ellie saw it one time and kept pestering me about why I didn’t tell her that I found it.” He shakes his head, almost smiling, remembering how annoying Ellie was with the bad jokes.

“So you didn’t tell her how?” you’re full on looking at him now, intrigue with this openness from him.

“I didn’t,” he shakes his head and glance at you with an unreadable gaze, “want it to be my own little secret for a bit.”

You blink a couple times at him, flustered by his reply. Meanwhile, his eyes are gazing into yours without a blink. You clear your throat, adjusting your position a little trying to be nonchalant about it.

“Did you tell her about the gifts? Because she’s been on my ass about it recently.” He continues the conversation.

“Yeah. Knew she’s gonna kick your ass about it. Can’t say you didn’t deserve it though…” you shrug your shoulders, giving him an awkward look.

“I still do deserve it.” He sits up and lean forward to rest his elbows on his thighs.

“I want to let you know that I am sincere with everything that I said that night. I’m terrible with this…feelings stuff but,” he pauses to look at you, “I will do my best to regain your affection.” He says in a firm and soothing tone.

Hearing his determination to redeem himself outright to you, it makes you speechless. You just have to see through his actions as time goes by. He breaks the eye contact and stands up to pick up his rifle.

“I’ll take the first shift. Get some sleep.” He takes a couple seconds to look at you, making sure you’re okay before making his way out of the door to check if there’s anything dangerous outside.

You proceed to lie down on the sofa, resting your head on the arm rest as you face the ceiling. Too tired to think of the conversation with Joel a couple of minutes ago, you fall into a deep slumber almost straight away.

Your eyes blink open to a brighter surrounding. The sun is starting to rise and you can hear the chirps of the birds in a distance. In a daze, you look around wondering why Joel didn’t wake you up. You notice he is sitting on the floor, leaning his side against the front of the couch seat. His head is resting sideways on the seat, facing you and almost touching your hip. His face is calm without his usual frown and you can hear his soft snoring as you stay still. His body probably going to ache so bad after this.

Your hands are twitching, wanting to caress his head but you hold back that thought, clenching your fists. You can only take this time to take in his features as he sleeps, wishing things were simpler but you get up from the sofa silently after watching him for awhile before you make any stupid decisions.

He must be in a deep sleep because he does not even move even after the rustling that you made on the sofa. You grab your rifle and get out of the cabin to check on the horses and be on watch before it’s time for you to wake Joel up. The cold air that suddenly hit you as you step out, gave you the shivers so you adjust your jacket right away, zipping it all the way up to keep yourself warm. Gripping the rifle tight, you keep your guard up as you look around for potential threats.

You didn’t find anything amiss as you make your way to the shed so once you are nearby, you sling your rifle back on your shoulders to open the shed door. The horses greet you with a few nickers as soon as they notice you coming in.You smile while giving them a couple of firm pats on their shoulders, rubbing their sides and even nuzzle your face against the neck of your horse, finding some comfort in it. Then, you make sure once again that everything is settled and ready to go.

You sit down at the corner of the shed, somewhere near the door that you left slightly ajar. Still reeling in the relaxation of the morning, you observe the horses across the other side of the shed. Once you realise that you should get back to Joel, you hear a strange noise not too far away, With no time wasted, you move cautiously to the door, hands gripping the rifle as your heartbeat starts to rise.

There isn’t much that you could see as you take a peep through the space left open by the door. You squint your eyes to see a few figures through the soft fluttering snow so you bring the rifle up and point towards them. You place your cheek by the stock of the rifle and look through the scope to have a clearer view. This time, there are shivers running down your spine, not from the cold but from what you see.

Your eyes widen as you take in the clickers approaching the cabin house. You should have guessed it from their erratic movements. There are three of them that you can count in your sight. Your mind is running in full speed, thinking the possibilities that you can take from this point onwards. Joel is probably in the house, still deep in sleep and they are coming in hot.

Without much thought, you take a few controlled breaths before shooting at one of them. Headshot, it falls to the ground, dead. The other two changes their direction towards the shed and started to pick up the speed, sprinting. The horses behind you are grunting noisily, restless after hearing the gunshot but that didn’t distract you from hitting the targets that are coming. The remaining two clickers finally went down after taking a couple of shots to their bodies and heads.

“Fuckin’ hell” you whisper under your breath as you look back at the horses, checking if they are okay.

You continue to take a few deep breaths before opening the door and steps out of the shed carefully to go back to Joel. As soon as you do that, you hear snarling coming from your right and you turn to see another group of clickers, only a few metres away, heading towards you.

“Oh shit!” You exclaim before making a run in the opposite direction, towards the woods.

You turn back a few times to take a few shots at the clickers, successfully getting two of them. There are five more on your heels, still charging towards you.

“JOOOEEELLLL!” You shout for him as loud as you can, multiple times, as you try to keep the distance and kill the clickers.

Luring them towards you, you can only hope Joel wakes up to get them from behind.

“Cmon Joel,” you beg to no one but yourself, “wake up!” You scream helplessly.

As if Joel could telepathically read your mind, you spot him over the shoulders of the clickers, coming out of the house frantically. Then, you hear a few gunshots which brings you a slight relief that he is awake finally.

Now that he is up, you plan to get back to him but you have to make it past the remaining two clickers that are still alive. You need to reload the rifle but with their arms flailing, trying to claw at you, you are not able to do it. In a haste, you duck down to get the knife that you had strapped in your boot. Popping the blade out, you stab one in the head, twisting the knife before pulling it out in one swift motion. One more kill.

Joel is making his way to where you are at while shooting the ones that are coming for him. In a blink, the two clickers drop dead at his feet as his running speed starts to increase towards you, worried. He sees you stabbing one of them in the head before dodging the arm of the other one that tries to attack you.

You avoid all of the aggressive flailing of its arms and move around it to run towards Joel. You take a couple steps but you didn’t notice the large roots of the surrounding trees which are covered in snow, resulting in you tripping and falling head first onto a rock. This causes Joel to scream your name in a bellowing voice, his stomach drops, seeing the scene that is unfolding in front of his eyes.

You tried to move but the overwhelming pounding in your head from the fall makes you freeze. With your head down on the ground, you slowly bring your hands up to clutch your head in pain. You can faintly hear the clicking behind you as you are lying on your stomach. You close your eyes shut, with a pained hiss as you think that this is the last moment of your life before getting bit. However, as you lay there helplessly, you didn’t feel any biting but only the throbbing at the side of your head.

Suddenly, you feel a pair of strong hands grabbing your arms, which causes you to flinch. Joel flips you around slowly, resting your head on one of his thighs as you look up at him. He looks down at you with wide eyes that are examining your face quickly and mouth slightly ajar as he takes long, dragged breaths. He moves your hair away from your face and checks out the cut from the fall with the touch of a feather. You feel warm liquid trickling down your head as his finger accidentally grazes the pained area which makes you scrunch your face and whimpers.

“I know, I know. You’re going to be okay.” He says in a reassuring voice.

In your head, you want to say something sarcastic like, ‘Took you long enough’ but all that comes out from your mouth is just unintelligible mumbling because of the concussion which takes the articulation out of you.

“Can you move?” He asks with a raspy voice, eyes boring into yours.

You nod slightly with a weak voice, “Yeah.”

The both of you get up slowly with one of his hands holding your arm and the other, around your waist. You pause after standing up, taking a moment before moving to stabilise yourself. Your vision is kind of blurry but you push through the dizziness while still holding onto Joel. You can see your bright red blood in contrast to the shallow white snow on the ground. With him by your side, not letting go of your waist, you stagger back to the shed, passing by all the dead bodies of clickers.

You reach the shed without much complications with the help of Joel. He sits you down on the stool that you were sitting at not too long ago before the disaster that you were in. The headache is still prominent but you don’t want to be a burden and prolong the journey back to Jackson. Not only that, you start to feel some parts of your body aching from the fall as your adrenaline level starts to reduce. You are sure there are going to be some bruises and wounds on your body from the impact of the fall but you are more worried about your bleeding head.

Meanwhile, Joel rushes out of the shed to check the house again if there’s anything that has been left behind. He comes storming back to the shed glancing at you to see how you are keeping up. You are taking deep breaths to try and ease the pain but it doesn’t really help you. He goes straight to his bag to grab some stuffs out of it and comes kneeling in front of you, eyes levelling with yours. The whole time your face is scowling from the throbbing pain, it’s difficult for you to keep your eyes open.

He pours some water on a small towel to clean the blood that is smearing the side of your face, down to your chin. You open your eyes slightly, taking in the way his forehead creases, eyebrows knitted and eyes unblinking as he cleans your face gently. However, you don’t have the luxury of time to be lost in him when the ache keeps on increasing. He takes your hand and gives you a small cloth, telling you to keep pressing it on the open cut to slow down the bleeding. You hesitantly do so, sucking in a breath due to the stinging from the contact. He wraps your head with a long shredded piece of cloth to help it stay intact.

“Eyes on me.” You hear him say once he finishes with it.

You look straight at him, biting your lip.

“I’m going to get you on the horse, okay? We’re going back to Jackson right now as fast as we can.” He explains to you in a low, steady voice, grounding you.

“Okay.” You whisper in a strained voice.

He leans in closer to cup your face with his gloved hands that warms your cheek, “You’re going to be okay. I got you so just hold on for a bit longer.”

HIs eyes darting between the both of your eyes for a few seconds before getting up to get everything set and ready to go. Once everything is ready, he move the horses outside. You follow suit with staggering steps as you approach him. He gets a hold of you the moment he notices you walking up to him without his help. Somehow, he manage to get you up on the horse and he is seated closely right behind you. His arms surround you as he holds on to the reins while his thighs cage your legs. The warmth emitting from the closeness of his body engulfs you all of a sudden as he nudges the horse to move.

About 30 minutes of riding, you start to feel way more dizzy. The continuous motion of riding mixed with the blinding daylight is causing you to feel lightheaded and nauseous. You cannot help but to lean back on Joel’s chest, resting your head on one of his shoulders, as you grimace in all of the sickening symptoms you are facing. Your hands reach out to grab whatever parts of him that you can, his thighs and his arms, clenching it tightly. Nails that are covered by your gloves can still be felt digging into his clothes.

“I know, baby, I know.” You feel his warm breath at the top of your head, not even registering him calling you baby as you wince, eyes keeping shut.

“Cmon, stay with me.” He murmurs with a wobbly voice in anxiety, seeing you in excruciating pain.

Your hearing is already reduced and whatever Joel says sounds muffled to you. All you can hear is the rapid heartbeat of yours. Within seconds, you lose consciousness and your body goes limp. Joel uses his arms to keep you steady while still holding on to the reins. He calls out your name louder for a few more times but you did not respond, causing him to slow down to check your pulse. He removes his glove to touch your neck and he feels the coldness of your body against his hand. After making sure that you are still breathing, he picks up the speed, arms circling your waist as his front sticks to your back like glue to share his body warmth with yours.

Throughout the journey back, you are in and out of consciousness from the overwhelming pain and the blood loss. Joel had stop multiple times to give you a few drops of water so that you would not be dehydrated. It is all a blur to you and you just wish to be back in Jackson already.

“TOMMY!” Joel’s yelling makes everyone in the nearby vicinity turn their heads. He shouts for Tommy as soon as the gates open.

Tommy, Maria and a few others patrollers are waiting by the gates as they were starting to get worried, not seeing any glimpse of you and Joel a few hours ago and now, it’s already getting dark. When the gates open, they rush to Joel to help you off the horse. Eddie, your previous patrol partner before Joel, carries you to the infirmary with Maria beside him. Joel gets off the horse, letting the other people to take over the horses and supplies and hurries to follow where you are brought to.

“What happened?” Tommy asks while running back towards Eddie with Joel.

“We were attacked by some clickers back at the cabin house.” Joel answers with eyes fixed on your form being carried by Eddie.

“Did she get bit?”

“I don’t think so,” Joel blinks, eyebrows furrowed.

“You didn’t check?” Tommy asks with a louder voice than before.

Joel didn’t respond, his jaws clenched. He knows he should have checked whether you got bit but he wasn’t thinking clearly. Getting you somewhere safe was his only priority at that time.

“Joel-“

“I didn’t check.” He stops outside of the infirmary doors and turns to Tommy, glaring with fiery eyes.

“She was bleeding out from the head, Tommy, and I can only think of bringing her back here safely.” Joel argues, already stressed about you and now his brother is trying to lecture him about his mistake.

He goes in, pushing the doors aggressively, leaving Tommy to chase after him. He approaches your bed which are already crowded with the only doctor and a couple of nurses on duty in Jackson, checking your condition. He joins Maria and Eddie that are waiting a few steps away from the foot of the bed. Joel cannot keep his eyes away from you. His heart is still racing from the adrenaline rush. You are still unconscious and the blood is trickling down from your head as the doctor loosens the stained alternative bandage to check the open wound to mend it later on. The nurses continue to check the other parts of your body for other wounds or bite marks, just in case. To check, they have to undress you and that is when Maria guides the group of them watching, to wait outside at the waiting area.

Eddie has to go off to check on the horses and the supplies that were brought back, telling Maria to update him on your status. Maria and Tommy thank him for his help while Joel gives him a silent nod. His arms folded while he leans on one foot to the other, pacing back and forth from time to time, staring at the door to the ward room. He looks back on what happened back at the cabin house and he thinks the state that you are in right now is somehow his fault. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep and let you fight the clickers by yourself. He should have protected you from this situation. He runs his fingers through his hair, scratching his head as he feels guilty.

Tommy and Maria doesn’t say a word, seeing Joel already agitated from you being injured. The three of them wait in silence before the doctor comes out to let them know how you are holding up.

“Her heartbeat is stable now. I’ve already stitched the open wound on her head to stop the bleeding. She must have taken a hard impact of a fall seeing the bruises on the left side of her body, especially the shoulder and the arm. Luckily, there isn’t any broken bone or bite marks. For now, we’ll keep on looking after her and wait til she wakes up.” The doctor informs the three of them.

Joel rubs his face as he releases a sigh of relief knowing that you’re okay now. Maria and Tommy hold hands, comforting each other, relieved as well.

“Can I see her now?” Joel in a rush to get back to you after hearing everything from the doctor.

“Of course,” The doctor gives Joel a tight smile.

Joel goes back in to the room after murmuring his thanks to the doctor, not looking back.

“Thank you, Remy, as always.” Maria shakes Remy’s hands before walking hand in hand with Tommy to the ward room.

Joel pulls a chair close to your bed and sits on it, eyes fixed on you. The nurses has already changed you out of your clothes to a more comfortable patient gown. Your stitches is covered with a pad to keep it dry. He notices the red bruises on your shoulders that is peeking out of the gown and there are also a few scrapes on your arms like the doctor had said. He can feel his heart breaks a little, looking at your injuries. He raises his hand to swipe at your cheek gently, feeling your soft skin. He sees your eyes flutter slightly from the touch but still not opening awake.

Tommy clears his throat causing Joel to freeze from what he was doing. He glances back at Tommy and Maria who is observing him and clasps his hands together between his thighs. Shying away from the looks of them, Joel keeps his eyes on your face.

“We’re glad the both of you are okay.” Maria speaks to Joel.

Joel as usual, doesn’t speak but gives a slight nod to what Maria said.

“She’ll be fine Joel. Don’t stress yourself out more than necessary.” Tommy tries to comfort his brother who is clearly defeated from the hours of travelling and tending to your unconscious body.

Tommy and Maria stays there for a while more before leaving to let Joel be alone with you.

“Do you want me to bring you dinner?” Tommy asks him.

“I’m good,” Joel shakes his head, not having the appetite to eat.

“Alright. Do you want me to tell Ellie that you’re here?”

Joel looks up at Tommy, momentarily realises that he was not thinking about Ellie at all, “Let her know that we're fine. I don’t want her to stay up waiting for me, I’ll see her in the morning.” Tommy places his hand on Joel’s shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze and heads out with Maria, leaving Joel alone, keeping his eyes on you.

The following morning, Joel is dozing off in his seat beside you, heads nodding awake time and time again. He clearly needs a proper sleep but he is fighting it off, wanting to be by your side when you wake up. With half-lidded eyes, he looks at you who is still in the same position as yesterday night. Throughout the night, he has pull his chair even closer to you. Holding your hand which seems to fit right with his, caressing your head when he hears your little whimpers, softly running his hands through your hair. He wants to keep doing that but it will be even better when you’re not lying sick in bed and is actually awake.

He stands up carefully to go home and freshen up before coming back to look after you. He also have to explain to Ellie about what had happened so she wouldn’t be worried. He gives you a last long look, eyes sunken deeply in sadness before turning around to leave while the nurses give morning greetings to him as he goes.

Not long after, your eyes slowly opens to an unfamiliar ceiling. You can feel a slight ache on your head, not remembering what happened when it suddenly hits you. The memory of the supply run, the clickers and the way you fell resulting in you being out of consciousness. Then, a face comes to your mind. Joel. Joel! Where is he? Where is this place?

You hear footsteps coming towards you. You try to get up from the bed but your body is too weak so you give up in doing so. A familiar face comes into view and you realises that she is one of the nurses in Jackson. She looks away from her board to see you looking at her with confusion on you face.

“Oh! You’re awake. Great to see you again.” She smiles at you, coming closer to check how you are doing.

She presses a stethoscope to your chest to listen to your heartbeat while you are still confused on how you are back in Jackson. She continues to check your eyes and your hearing before letting you know about your health state right now.

“Everything is good but you will still feel dizzy and nauseous, don’t worry, it’s normal after an injury like yours. Your muscles will still be weak and your body will ache for awhile. These symptoms can last for a couple days and up to a few weeks, depends on the how serious the injury is. You can be discharged tomorrow but we advise that you have someone to check up on you, in case anything happens.” She explains to you calmly.

You on the other hand, are at loss of words as you listen to her, still disoriented from just waking up a couple of minutes ago.

“I don’t have anyone to ask. I only have myself.” In a soft voice, you uttered defeatedly. You do not want to be another burden to someone else.

“I’m sure Joel Miller doesn’t mind it.” She mention casually, handing you a cup of water to drink. You pause for a moment, blinking at her blankly and takes the cup.

“Joel?” You stammers out his name, not expecting him to be mentioned.

“Yeah. He was here all night. It was so sweet to see the grumpiest man in Jackson caring for someone.” She gives you a pleased smile, “He left shortly before you were awake.”

You glance at the seat by your bed, knowing he was sitting right there for the night. Your heart skips a beat, imagining him looking at you for that whole time. You’re in your own thoughts when the nurse speaks again.

“Rest up for now. Just call for me if you need anything, alright?” She gives you a knowing smile as if she knows that you are thinking of the man that was just here.

“Thank you.” You give her a thin-lipped smile and thank her for the help.

She leaves you alone in the ward with conflicted feelings. It’s so overwhelming having these different feelings all at once. Before, anger was the forefront feeling that derives you away from Joel while still having a small amount of affection for him that you try to ignore. Then, he confused you with his actions and words, tugging your heart a little bit from seeing the change of his heart. Right now, he has saved you from going into the other side and you remember seeing the look of concern etched on his face when you were going through it. You know that he is definitely not faking it, feeling the sincerity from him in the last 24 hours.

Joel is walking back to the infirmary after washing up and having a short breakfast with Ellie. She was devastated to hear what went down during the supply run and told Joel that she is going to visit you after school. She did not say a word to Joel about how distracted he was during the breakfast. She knows it must be you that is affecting his mood and she cannot do anything about it except not taking more of his time and let him go back to the infirmary. To you.

In his hands, he carries a small bag containing a vegetable soup that he quickly cooked for breakfast with Ellie. He walks in and goes straight to the ward but stopping immediately in his tracks. From the open door, he sees that you are awake, smiling so brightly, not because of him but because of the guy that is sitting on the chair beside your bed. The chair that he was sitting on while rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

You are holding on to the flowers that Emile gave you. The both of you are laughing about something and his heart clenches hearing your laughter. The last he heard of your voice was when you are whimpering in pain and all that he wishes, then, was to hear your gentle and playful voice again. He lowers his head, the hopeful light in his eyes gone as he turns around feeling crushed. He approaches one of the nurses and passes them the breakfast that he brought for you, telling them to give it to you before leaving the infirmary.

While you are busy catching up with Emile, another nurse comes in to give you a bowl of soup. It smells delicious and you cannot wait to dig in as you are starving from the amount of energy that you lost for the past 24 hours.

“This smells delicious. Thank you.” You cheerily says in exclamation.

“Mr. Miller wants you to have this for breakfast.” The young lady informs you with an innocent look in her eyes.

In shock, your head snaps towards her with wide eyes, “Which Miller?”

“Joel Miller,” she looks at you questioningly.

“He just dropped this off?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You peer at the open door, seeing no sight of him while you keep staring. You wonder why did he not just come in and give you the soup himself. Is he busy with another duty? Did he see Emile and was not happy? Why would he go out of his way to give you breakfast?

“Anything else that I can do for you?” The nurse asks looking at you, confused with your reaction.

“No. It’s fine. Thank you.” You give a forced smile at her and your eyes drifting to the doorway as she leaves. You cannot help but to look at the doorway, wanting to see Joel but you are still too shy to admit it to yourself.

“What’s wrong?” Emile’s voice snaps you out of your trance from the doorway.

“Nothing.” You mumble and start to eat the soup made by Joel.

Emile squints his eyes, sensing that you are hiding something but he lets it go, seeing you gobbling the soup down in hunger.

The next morning, you are accompanied by Emile on your day of discharge. You told him that you can go back home today and he offered to walk you home. You are struggling because of the body ache that you are having and also the sudden waves of dizziness if you move too fast. It took you a couple of minutes to be walking without holding on to him anymore. Your stubborn ass is resilient to not hold onto him as you continue walking slowly at your own pace. The three minute walk to your house from the infirmary at your usual speed is now delayed to almost 10 minutes including the intervals of you pausing to let the dizziness or pain pass before moving again.

Joel is sitting by his bedroom window that is facing your house. He knows that you are being discharged today from what Ellie had told him after her visit. If Emile hadn’t offered, he would have gone to help you, given his free time after the supply run. He sees you struggling to walk with Emile by your side with a worried look on his face. For a moment, anger fills Joel’s entire body when he sees Emile not helping you at all but he eventually calms down after noticing how you are holding your hand out when Emile comes closer. He scoffs, a small curl on side of his lips as he shakes his head. What is he going to do with that stubborn head of yours? If he could, he would have already picked you up and carried you in the house.

Emile leaves after making sure you are back in your house safely and you reassuring him that you will be fine, not needing anymore of his help. You haven’t got the chance to eat something yet so you move the kitchen to make a small sandwich for breakfast, already tired from moving too much. You slump down on the sofa after eating, immersing yourself in the comfort of your home without any disturbances. You lay there, eyes slowly blinking heavily, letting your body relax and eventually you are deep in sleep.

A few hours later, you hear knocking on your door, partially awaken from the sound but you are still not moving.

Knock, Knock, Knock

It is louder this time. Grumbling as you get up from the couch, body still weak. You shout as loud as you can saying that you are coming to get the door. You take your time to reach the door and opening it to no one on the other side except a small bag on the floor. You look around and you spot the broad back of Joel slipping into his house, closing the door without looking back. You pick the bag up to find out the contents of it and the mix of nutty and savoury smell of warm avocado toast that hits you almost makes you roll your eyes to the back of your head.

You bring it inside to the dining table and devours it, smiling to yourself. Smiling because of how good the toast was or maybe because of the person behind the toast. You want to thank him for saving and taking care of you when you were out of it. The ice in your heart is slowly melting away, recalling the moments of his newfound vulnerability that he allows you to see. The way he talks to you calmly instead of the usual hostility in his tone when he speaks to you previously. You remember the cold piercing eyes that was replaced with round melancholic eyes that captivates when he looks at you. In your heart, you know that he might just hit the nail right on the head soon and earn that forgiveness from you.

It went on like that for the next couple of days. You will open the door to a bag of packed food whether it would be breakfast or lunch or dinner. It is obviously from Joel, 100%, no doubt. He for sure makes a run home once he hears you coming, taking advantage of your slowed down speed. Every time you open the door, you either sees him already going into his house or already halfway back, walking nonchalantly as he takes a couple of glances back at you.

He comes knocking when there is no one visiting you at that time, knowing when you have not eaten your meal yet. You’ve been trying to catch him, reading his pattern and always sneaking looks out of your window to see if he is coming. You’re in luck this afternoon when you caught sight of him taking big strides towards your house, feeling confident that he is going to get away with it as usual. He does not know that the pain in your head had subsided marginally and your body is stronger now from all the time that you took to rest. Quicker than he is, you are standing behind the front door, waiting for him. Quietly giggling to yourself, expecting to see his shocked face. Unbeknownst to him, this has been a game to you while spending time alone in the house.

You hear the scrapes of his heavy boots and the creaking of the floorboards as he goes up the stairs. Your heart is racing so fast that you can hear its pounding in your ears. He is right on the other side of the door. You don’t even know what you’re going to say to him. He stops, pausing for a beat, then raises his hand to knock on the door. As soon as you hear a knock, you turn the handle, opening the door wide.

Joel’s brows shoot as high as possible, eyes widening as he stays still from the unexpected situation. His arm is still in midair, his mouth parted, not knowing what to say. On his other hand, he is holding the bag of meal that he had cooked for you. You look up at him with a playful glint in your eyes, appearing to be innocent but your mouth is twitching, trying not to laugh seeing him flustered.

“Hi.” You greet him, voice croaked from resisting the laughter that is bubbling in your throat.

He is still speechless, eyes blinking rapidly trying to think of an excuse for his appearance. You wait for his answer but clears your throat instead when he doesn’t respond.

“What do you got for me today?” You point at the bag of meal that he is holding awkwardly.

“Uh, nothing special. Here.” He passes the bag over to you and you take it, fingers brushing his in that split second.

“Thank you, Joel.” You thank him with a small smile, locking eyes with him for a few seconds before looking down at your feet. He grunts a reply, scratching the back of his neck as he fidgets, eyes darting everywhere else except you.

“I think I should go now. Enjoy your meal.” He breaks the awkward silence, not making eye contact as he turns around to head back home.

“Joel.” You quickly call out after him which makes him stop and look back at you.

“Do you want to come in?” You suggested without giving it a thought, not wanting him to leave.

“Sure.” He replies after contemplating for a moment.

You invite him in, heart still racing as you head to the dining table to place the food down. He follows after you slowly, taking in the insides of your house. This is the first time he is in your house and he is observing every single detail of it, knowing this is your comfort place. This is a part of you that he gets to see for the first time so he is going to cherish this opportunity that is given to him.

You’re in the kitchen, washing your hands, grabbing the plate and utensils to place them down at the dining table. You turn towards Joel who is still checking out your place, standing by your living room couch.

“Have you eaten already?”

“Yeah.” He mutters, eyes locked onto the shelves at the front wall of your living room where there is a remaining carved piece of wood that you didn’t put away.

“Can I get for you coffee?” you offer.

He turns around and steps closer to the dining table while keeping his eyes on you.

“That would be lovely, thank you.” He nods before taking a seat opposite of yours.

Joel’s eyes drifting together with your movements as you make the coffee for him. He is pleased to be in your presence even though it is nerve wrecking for him but finally talking to you again makes his heart blooms with happiness. He schools his features back to a composed face when you approach the table with drinks.

“Thank you again for the food.” You thank him again before taking a bite of the steak and mashed potatoes that he prepared for you today. He gives you his signature nod as a reply.

Your eyes widen as you take the first bite of the meat and gawks at Joel, “It’s delicious!”

“Glad you like it.” He shrugs his shoulders, tipping his head forward slightly, feeling smug from your praise.

“What the fuck. It’s really good.” You cannot believe it and keeps on eating.

Joel brings the mug to his face, sipping on his coffee to cover the smile that is breaking into his face after seeing your raw reaction to his cooking. The way you react reminds him of Ellie and he finds it so adorable. He scans the side of your head that is covered with a new gauze for the stitch and notices the red bruises on your arms that is fading to brown as it heals. He hated seeing you in that kind of pain and it was gut wrenching to witness that, not able to soothe the pain away for you. He is relieved to see you smile again and this time because of him.You finish the meal while he sits there watching you eat with warm and focused eyes as you steal glances at him.

He insisted that you have a seat at the sofa as he washes the dishes for you. You did argued with him to let you do it yourself but you cannot defeat the man that is way more hardheaded than you. Staring at the back of the man that broke your heart two months ago who is now washing your dishes in your kitchen, you would have never seen this coming. You selfishly want to see more of him, shamelessly admitting it to yourself.

"Uh, I should go now." Joel rubbing his hands on his jeans, wiping the leftover wetness as he comes out of the kitchen area, towards you.

"Already?" your brows furrowed unknowingly, standing up slowly to see him out.

Joel cocks his head to the side, hearing the disappointment in your voice. He moves closer to you, heart beating rapidly, knowing that you want to spend more time with him.

"I'm on patrol duty with your temporary replacement soon." He explains.

"Oh. Hopefully you don't scare him away while I'm gone." You tease him.

He huffs before replying you with a smirk, "We'll see bout that.”

Just before he steps out of the house, you grab his wrist instinctively, turning him around to face you again.

“I really want to thank you for everything that you did for me. I appreciate it and it means a lot to me that you had my back. I’m sorry if I was a troublesome-“

“You weren’t,” Joel interrupts, twisting his wrist to hold your hand instead, “you never were.” He whispers, still shy to convey his true feelings.

His eyes are expressive with so many unspoken words as he gazes into yours, instinctively rubbing circles on the back of your hands like he did in the infirmary, waiting for you to be awake. But you don’t know that. Don’t know about the delicate touches that he leaves on your skin that night.

“Also, don’t leave the food by itself in front of my door. Next time, say hi to me at least.” You complain.

“Yes ma’am.” He give you a once over before letting go of your hand, “take care.” He heads out to make his way to the stables, looking back at you again who gives him a small timid wave. You notice his smile twisted with a smile before he snaps his head away, hiding his blushing face away from you. He walks away with lighter steps as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Surrounded by the books, you are sitting at one of the tables in the library with Emile. There is no sign of other people this morning causing the library to be filled with serene silence. The sunlight from the window, pierce through the gaps of the bookshelves, softly hitting the tables. Emile is rambling about his new read excitedly and you are listening to him intently, interested in where the story is going. It goes on from sharing stories with each other to talking about usual random stuffs until Emile brings up Joel in the conversation.

“How’s it going with Joel?” He asks in a cheery voice.

“What do you mean?” You release a laugh awkwardly.

“You seem livelier for the past few days and I thought Joel could be the reason for that.” His eyes are bright as he keeps the eye contact with you.

“What makes you say that?”

“I overheard that Joel has been cooking for you and that you guys even eat together for the past few days at your house.”

You smack your lips, nodding your head as you look away. You don’t talk to Emile about Joel so it’s kinda embarrassing to admit it to him. Since it’s out in the open, you use this time to tell the truth.

“You are a good friend, Emile. It’s comfortable to have conversations with you. I get to talk to you about anything and you are one of my emotional support in Jackson. I’m happy that we became friends.” You express to him with a sense of guilt, assuming it might hurt him that you put him in the friend zone. Your eyes lowering to your fidgeting hands on the table.

“Is this the part where you say that you don’t have feelings for me?” He questions with a clear voice.

You blink blankly at him, taken aback by his direct question. Your mouth parts slowly, wanting to speak but he continues to talk, sensing your faint hesitation.

“It’s okay. I know you are just being friendly with me without any other intentions, whether it’s good or bad. I see how you react when he’s around you and it’s pretty obvious, making me think that I’m stupid for not noticing it at first.”

“You’re not stupid,” you deny his negative thought.

“But I do enjoy your company and I’m really glad that we became friends as well.” His face beaming with a smile that infects you to mirror his.

You hold out a hand for him to shake on. He takes it and gives a firm handshake.

“We’re officially besties now” You states with a bright smile.

“Isn’t Ellie your bestie?”

“Okay, you’re officially my second bestie now.” You correct yourself.

“Whatever, tell me about you and Joel.” Emile still curious about the two of you, wiggling his eyebrows as he sent a playful smirk towards you.

“Oh shut up.” You pushes his hand away, rolling your eyes, faking the irritation. You know that if you talk about Joel now, you cannot control your expressions. He barks out a laugh seeing your reaction which makes you laugh as well.

Still giggling as Emile teases you, the both of you hear the door open and standing there is the man of the hour himself, Joel Miller. Stunned, you just freeze in your seat, gawking at him. You notice the cloud of breath coming out of his mouth as he exhales. His eyes studying your face and drifts towards Emile who is sitting opposite of you. His eyelids flutters slightly before lowering his gaze towards the floor.

“Sorry for interrupting.” He mutters, rubbing his gloved hands together before turning around to leave the library.

You stand up, eyes still trained on the door that was just shut.

“Go.” Emile looks up at you.

“I’ll see you again.” You take off without looking back.

Joel is dragging his feet back to his house, jaws clenching as the image of you and Emile having a good time laughing is stuck on his mind. In the span of few days of him checking up on you and having meals together, he forgets about Emile who has always been treating you nicely. How can he compete with a man who hasn’t been mean to you and break your heart?

“Joel! Wait up!” Your yelling halts him in his tracks. He looks over his shoulder and see you trying to keep up with him. He is still worried about you moving that fast, anxious that it will trigger dizziness in you again. He waits for you patiently, facing you with his head hanging low as he looks at his boots in the snow.

Another pair of boots comes into his view, opposite of him. He looks up to your face, seeing you panting, trying to catch your breath. How can you still look this cute standing in front of him while you gasp for air? He just wants to hold your face with his hands, warming your face that is growing cold.

“Where are you going?” You ask him.

“Home.” He gives a short reply, glancing towards the street.

“It’s cold. You should get back inside. I didn’t mean to disturb your time together.” His eyes darting over your shoulders at the library.

“You didn’t disturb anything. Were you looking for me?” You dismisses what he just said.

“I brought breakfast for us to eat together but you weren’t there.” He tries to be casual about it but you caught the sad look in his eyes.

“Let’s go then.” You walk ahead, leaving him to follow after you.

Joel picking at his leftover food aimlessly is bothering you. He is more quiet this morning, keeping his eyes on his plate most of the time. You call him out on his behaviour, not standing it anymore.

“What’s with the long face?”

“Nothing,”

“Don’t lie to me.” You firmly said.

He pauses for a moment before answering you, “You still seeing the librarian?” Still not making eye contact.

“I told you that he’s just my friend, Joel.” You reiterate that point again.

He nods his head solemnly, his lips still in a thin line. He leans back, not having the appetite to finish the rest of his food. You don’t believe that he agrees with that statement.

“You jealous?” You can’t help but grin, raising an eyebrow towards him.

“Get that smile off your face.” He rolls his eyes at you. You still don’t get why he is shy to admit it when he literally said that it hurts him to see you and Emile together, back at The Tipsy Bison.

“I sense jealousy.” You said in a singsong voice as you pick up the your plates and his, going to the kitchen sink.

Joel immediately follows and stands beside you as you wash the plates.

“You’re so infuriating, d’you know that. I told you that I will do the dishes.” He grumbles, annoyed that you didn’t listen to him.

“Well, too bad. I took them first.” You shrug your shoulders.

“Give me that. I’ll dry it.” He takes the washed plate from you, wiping it a dry cloth.

The both of you stand there, shoulders and arms touching as you focus on the task at hand. He lightly shoves you with his arm suddenly which makes you look up at him, frowning. He fake innocence as he wipes the utensils. You pushes him back, stronger than he did but he doesn’t budge. Not satisfied, you keep trying to shove him to the side but you fail miserably. You huff, feeling unfair by the significant difference of strength. Giving up, you continue to clean the cups but didn’t expect him to continue his disturbance by nudging you with his hip.

You cup your hands with water and splashes his face with it. His eyes are closely shut, his fringe sticks to his forehead, soaked with water and it’s running down his face. Droplets of water forms at his chin which drips onto the front of his shirt. Your nose flaring as you try to suppress your laughter but you couldn’t resist it anymore when he opens his eyes to look at you. You back away from him slowly before running away, laughing at him.

“Come here.” He chases after you right away and you didn’t get too far before you feel his arms wrapped around your waist from behind. You squeal as he lifts you slightly before letting you down and turn you around to face him, his hands clasps on your lower back.

He shakes his head vigorously, like a dog trying to dry itself, water droplets splattering on your face from it. You cover your face while still giggling at him. After he stops, you lower down your hand to his chest. A big grin is plastered on his face as he looks down at you, bewitching you with his dreamy and enchanting expression. You are entranced by him, spotting the dimples that you rarely see.

“Don’t mess with me.” He tries to warn you with a smile tugging on side of his face.

“Oooh, that is so threatening. I’m so scared.” You sarcastically joke which earns you a scoff from him.

You stay in his arms like that for a few more seconds. The both of you are not saying anything as you stare into each other’s eyes. He licks his lips and for a moment, you think that he might lean closer to you but disappointingly, he lets you go.

He clears his throat, “I better get going. Patrol duty again.” Avoiding eye contact.

“How is he by the way?” Curious about your temporary replacement.

“Not bad.” He shrugs.

“Wow. That is a compliment in your books.” You are surprised by his comment.

“Yeah. Better than the girl that keeps annoying me.”

“Get out.” You jokingly says, passing him his jacket that is on the couch and with your hands on his back, you keep pushing him towards the door as he tries to fight back while softly laughing at your antics.

He puts on his jacket and faces you again. Bending lower to meet you on your eye level, he tucks a stray hair on your ear and the graze of his fingers are burning your ears. You blink excessively, your heart stopping for a beat when his eyes meet yours.

“See you tomorrow, sweetheart.” He whispers to you, eyes twinkling as if they are the stars. You can’t stop the rapid beating of your heart even after he gets out of your house, leaving you dumbfounded and heated.

The Tipsy Bison is rowdy tonight with the residents of Jackson celebrating the bartender’s birthday. Kyle is the most loved by the people because of his endless kindness to everyone around him. You are seated in a booth with your usual crowd, Tommy, Maria and Joel. Unfortunately, Emile is unable to join as he finishes up his work in the library. Joel’s warm, strong thigh is pressing into yours even though there is more than enough space for the both on you on one side of the booth.

Joel has changed slightly, opening more of himself up to you. You get to see him bantering with Tommy over petty things like little boys which is what they are doing now. Arguing about who will beat whom in a arm wrestling match. You and Maria has seen this behaviour too many times that the both of you just shake your heads, sighing.

Recently, Joel has been brave to steal a couple of touches, not even hiding it anymore. He would tuck your stray hair or pat your head when he compliments you on something that you have done a good job at or placing his hand on your lower back to guide you somewhere and he takes every opportunity that he can to touch you. Like what he is doing now with his thigh, just to feel you there beside him.

A group of drunk, rowdy men walks past the booth before one of them stops to look at you. You sense his gaze and your head turns to look at him. It is the asshole from the other night, Jack. His eyes are heavy as he steps closer to the booth, clearly drunk.

“Oh look who it is!” He exclaims when he recognises you.

You don’t say a word, glaring at him as he drunkenly spews out insults at you again. The Miller brothers stop their argument and snaps their head towards Jack’s voice.

“Aren’t you Emile’s little mommy?” He says in a mocking tone, making you squeeze for fists. Joel scans your scowling face first before he notices your balled up fists on your thighs. His hand hovers your fist before cupping it gently, signalling you that he got your back.

“You threw him to the side after you get your fun and now you’re sucking off Joel Miller. What a slut.” He slurs on without shame.

Luckily for him, you are sitting on the inside so you cannot lunge at him to rip his face off and beat him to death like you wanted. Instead, Joel brings his fist to Jack’s face, rocking his jaw in an instant. Jack stumbles backwards, crashing on the nearby tables and chairs before falling to the ground, making people turn their heads to the commotion. Everybody stills, watching the event that is unfolding in front of their eyes. Joel cages him with his thighs, throwing punches at his face. Tommy gets up from his seat, holding Joel back before it gets worse. Joel stands and presses one foot on Jack’s chest, heaving from the punches that he threw.

“Last time, I told you to fuck off before I break your jaw. It seems like you really need it to break to get it into your fuckin’ head.” He growls at Jack that is looking up at him with eyes that are clouded with terror.

“You talk about my girl like that again, I will not hesitate to end you.” He warns with eyes that could kill Jack right there on the spot. “Now fuck off!” He spits at Jack after removing his foot away. Jack scrambles away with his friends, holding them for support.

Joel stands there, reeling in what he had just done. The crowd slowly gets going again, knowing that Jack had that coming for messing around with Joel. Joel is still pissed off at Jack and if no one had stopped him, he would have already killed that son of a bitch. His hand flinches when he feels a hand touching his. It is you that notices his trembling hand. You bring it up to your face, seeing the blood on his knuckles. You frown, not liking the fact that he got hurt from trying to protect you. You go back to the booth to let Maria and Tommy know that you’re bringing Joel back home to treat the cuts on his hand.

You drag him out of the bar with his other hand, heading back to your house. He follows you obediently, walking hand in hand, even though he is still fuelled with anger. Stomping his feet, he keeps on grumbling insults about Jack and wanting to beat the shit out of him. You glance at him, seeing his fiery eyes and downturned lips as he continues to curse the asshole. A smile appears on your face as you listen to his complaints. You are still replaying the words in your head again and again. He called you his girl. It brings butterflies in your stomach just by thinking about it.

You sat him down on your couch while you get the first aid kit. You pushes the coffee table close to the couch to sit on the edge of it, facing him with your legs in between his. You place his hand on your thighs as you wipe the blood off his hand. After putting the ointment, you bandage his hand with a gauze pad available. The entire time you were focused on treating his wounds, he was studying your face, processing every single detail to memory.

"All done," you let go of his hand.

"Thank you."

"You didn't have to do that, y'know"

"I want to." He says with conviction. "I don't like him talking about you like that."

"But I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm not. This was nothing." he tries to minimise the level of his injury.

You narrow your eyes and he shrugs at you trying to say that it is true. You shake your head disapprovingly, tired of his stubbornness. In the quietness of the night, wanting him to calm down, an idea comes to your mind.

"Come, I got something I want to show you." you crosses over his thigh, wanting to go up the stairs.

He quickly grabs your hand, wanting you to guide him upstairs as you hold on to him. You blushes when he does that, still making your heart flutters. Swallowing his spit, nervous that you brought him to your room, he stands at your door just watching you opening your window. You climb out the window to sit at your tiled roof, looking back at him, urging him to join you.

He marches across your room to the window, poking his head out, "It's freezing."

"I know. Just come out for awhile. You won't die," you reassures him. "Or are you just a coward?"

That strikes a nerve in him as he clicks his tongue at you and asks you to move over to give him some space. He folds his body, bones cracking as he struggles to go through the window.

"Damn, you're old." Holding on to him as he goes through the window, teasing him about his bone cracking.

"Ha. Ha. Funny." He replies in a monotonous voice.

The both of you sat next to each other, looking into the darkness of the vast sky. Because it is not snowing heavily, the moon that is not blocked by the clouds, brighten the snow-covered landscapes with a soft glow. The faint twinkle of the stars, reflecting in Joel's glassy eyes as you blatantly stare at him.

"I would sit here especially during the summer nights to stargaze. The enlightenment you get when you let your body immerse within the beauty of the nature is like no other." you explain.

"They're gorgeous." Peering into your eyes as it seems like he's not talking about the stars but you instead.

You are lost in his shining eyes and so is he, in yours. All of a sudden, he blinks the unwavering eyes of his away, remembering something. He takes out something from the inside of his jacket that is small enough to fit in his hands. Opening his palm towards you, you find a horse chess piece sitting on it. You look up at him with questions in your eyes while he portrays a shy smile on his face, suggesting you to take it.

“Stop! This is the prettiest one I’ve ever seen. You made this?” Still surveying the piece in awe.

“Yeah. Look at the bottom.”

You flip it around and notices a small writing on it. You stop breathing for a moment, reminded of the guitar pick that you gave him two months ago. You keep staring at the words directing at you.

“I was contemplating between this and ‘Let me be your knight in shining armour’, y’know. Because of the horse. But it was too long for me to-“ He stammers while trying to elaborate but stops when you lay your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Joel. I love it.” You hold the chess piece in your hand, tightly. His heart jumps with elation, overjoyed by your words.

He whispers your name, enrapturing you to shift your eyes at him, still resting your head on his shoulder.

“I would undo every single thing that I’ve done or said that hurt your feelings, in a heartbeat if I could. I didn’t see you for who you are and it kills me that I wasted so much time being a prick when we could spend more time together instead. You never fail to fill my heart with kindness and love and I want to do the same for you. Will you let me do that for you?” He confesses to you.

“Who said you haven’t done that yet?” You batted your eyelashes at him.

His heart stops for a beat, staring down at your face that is only a few inches away. Your glossy eyes mirror his look of adoration and he can’t help but moves your hair out of your face, caressing your cheeks softly.

“Joel Miller, the grumpiest man to ever lived, is sitting on the roof with me, stargazing. Who would have thought?”

“Only because it’s with you.” His thumb rubbing, warming your cold cheeks as you lean more into his touch.

His face tilts down to yours, eyes roaming over your features and stops at your lips. You hold your breath as he moves closer, heart pounding with anticipation. You have been waiting for this moment, imagining many different ways of exploring his lips. Your body shivering as he pauses when his lips are almost touching yours.

“Can I kiss you?” He mutters, almost inaudible as he shifts his eyes back to yours for confirmation, his tongue poking out slightly to wet his lips at the same time.

“Now you want to be polite? Just kiss me already.” You pull him closer by the neck, gently pressing his lips to yours. His lips are electrifying to touch despite the softness of it. He continues to move and you follow, effortlessly flowing together like water. His arms that are pressing against your side, slides up your back, holding you close to him. You feel him smiling against your mouth as the kiss gets heated. You pull back from him to catch your breath, foreheads still pressed against each other while you keep your eyes closed, heart still racing from the kiss. He is panting for air as well, eyes fixed on your parted lips.

“I’ve been waiting for a year for this,”

“I know, baby.” He cups your face, looking at you with dazed eyes before suggesting that the both of you get inside before it gets colder. You step down into the room first and he follows right after. He pulls you back towards him by your belt loop, wrapping his arms around your waist as he cannot resist the look of need in your eyes.

“I’m not done with you, my love.”

He leans in to kiss you again, this time more desperately. You throw your hands over his shoulders, arching your back to press your front against his. As it gets passionate, you are stumbling backwards as he pushes you towards your bed, lying you down on it. He hovers over you, leaning his weight on his palms that rest on either side of your head.

“I’ll repay the one year worth of kisses tonight so that you can forgive my dumbass.” Sliding down the side of your face, leaving kisses on your neck. You let out a moan, blessing his ears with the sounds that you are making involuntarily. You try to say something but your head is clouded with lust as he lightly runs his tongue along your jawline, raking one of your hands through his curls and another, scratching across his firm back. His soft grunts in your ear makes your spine tingle, rolling your eyes to the back of your head as he slides his hands under your shirt, digging his fingers in your waist.

“You’re forgiven, baby.” You blurt out while you are distracted by his pressing body on yours. He stops, raising his head towards you, not believing what he just heard.

“What did you just say?”

“Huh?” Your eyes heavy lidded as you look at him.

“Let me hear it again.” He smiles adorably.

“You’re forgiven?” Your brows knitted in confusion.

“No. The other one.”

“Baby?”

His face breaks into a grin and he softly giggles into your chest, loving the fact that you called him ‘baby’. Fuck the forgiveness, he just wants you to claim him as yours forever. He peppers you with kisses all over your face, making you scrunch, still smiling at him.The night deepens as the both of you continue exploring each other’s bodies, steaming the room up with grunts and moans throughout the night. The chess piece that fell to the ground while the both of you kiss, lies sidewards, the writing prominent at the bottom of it.

‘I pick you 2’

previous part

Thank you for reading! I have another Joel Miller fic that is coming soon over here. It's a sports romance x childhood friends to enemies to lovers. Do keep a lookout if you're interested. All love <3 - Z

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama @rodriguez31 @orcasoul @ashleyfilm @macaroni676 @whirlwindrider29 @vickie5446 @uncassettodiricordi @astralqueenoc

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller au #joel miller x f!reader #joel the last of us #joel x reader #the last of us fic

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aonungyoufuck · 2 years ago

Text

Runaway {Part 11}

Runaway masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: you have finally mated before eywa.

Warnings: Mention of Mating +18? but like no smut at all just making out and feeling each other + Pregnancy

“I cannot wait anymore my love”

Ao’nung was kissing you. Kissing was not uncommon sure. But feeling him so close was. It was nice to feel him so close. His hands roaming you feeling you from the bottom to the top. And it was ever so addicting.

The burning that came from his hands. The erratic feeling it was desperate.

It was all you could ask for.

“Ao’nung. Please wait.” You spoke between your teeth, feeling his lips linger far too long.

“We waited enough haven’t we?”

“Understand that once we do this ill be with you forever”

“That is what I want” he whispered, nipping at your neck.

“I am serious Ao’nung. I want to know that this is really what you want from me. I been wanting you for so long and this is what i crave i want to be with you as one. But if we ever go home-”

“No” Ao’nung kissed you. Biting your lips to hush your sentence “i Dont ever want go home for i have you here with me. I have everything i ever wanted with you. And ive been far to happy and liberated by your ever waking moment. And i want to be with you now. Feel what you feel”

You took in a sharp breath feeling him rest his head on your chest. Looking at you with an intent you hadn’t seen since the day he spoke those sweet nothings.

“I want to be wild with you. Be your every waking thought as you are mine. Feel your sorrows, your pain and your love. I want to have a family with you. Grow old with you.”

Kissing your chest he grabbed his Queue. Its nerves dancing with an excited joy that you knew too well too.

“ I want to have you here and in our many lifetimes to come. Eywa may bless me to be born alongside you again. I want to have our kids find those they love and experience it as we have now. I want to have you all. If you so much as graced me to be known as yours”

Your breathe was taken. The glow of the tree illuminating you too. You kissed his forehead. Then his left cheek and the right. Before settling on his lips, consuming his breath.

You grabbed your own queue. Looking at him before finally bringing them together. The sensation was warm. Too warn. The feeling of his arms now burning hot. He was gulping down his breath as he felt what he was doing to you.

You were crazy adults in love. So desperate to finally have a name to it. Mate’s forever and always.

“Sa’nok!” Neytiri went ahead to see her mother. As if she was just an illusion. From the looks of it. She had a tiresome flight.

He didn't wait grabbing your waist and placing you on his lap. It would be a few hours before morning and you two would have to go back to your makeshift home. So for now he’ll enjoy what he can.

“Mo’at!” Jake exclaimed looking at her. After the formalities. And letting Mo’at drink something after flying for so long. She began to talk

“ I see Your eldest isnt here”

“So she isnt with you?”

“No. We have moved once you two left. Be rest assured that our People are safe and well. Ninat has actually Given birth this past cycle”

The Family was puzzled. Sure they hadn’t been able to find their old clan but they had tricked themselves into thinking that by any possibility that you two were with them. Safe and sound

“I came here to see Y/n and Kiri”

“Wait for what?”

Mo’at grew quiet. There was clearly some distress in her face.

“In the morning early. I had taken the New Tsahik for a communication with Eywa. However it seems that something was amiss. I do not know what it was. But it seems like one of my Granddaughters, Has come to that place for a mate. I came here to see if that was true”

Jake's ears lowered. As is the mood of the pod as well. Mate?

“Kiri?”

Kiri could only roll her eyes. “No its not I” It was no secret how close she got to a certain Mekayina boy. Though she often brushed it off as nothing more than friendly banter.

“Ma Jake” Netriti spoke. Sharing knowing looks. There was only one person and they weren’t here.

“Mo’at… Y/n.. She’s been gone for 3 years now marking yesterday”

Mo’at rose a brow. Crossing her arms as she looked at everyone in the pod. “For What reason”

Ronal had never felt fear. She was fearless, Like to show how powerful she was. How much she did not fear people at all. But right now she was so terrified of the older woman in front of her. “ I forbade her from establishing a relationship with my son”

Mo’at wasn’t angry. Not that she would show it. And that's what made her terribly frightening to Neytiri who lowered her head in shame.

“And where is your son?”

Ronal’s ears flattened. Her arms were shaking. Trembling with a fear any mother would know. “I do not know” She wept. She didn’t know. How she wished she knew where on pandora her son was. Far too long she’s wondered. Far to long has she constantly woken from nightmares where he was just out of reach. “I do not know”

Mo’at took her hand and rested it on her shoulder. Grounding her back to reality.

“Tell me Jakesully. Do you know if Her son went with her?”

“I don-”

“He did! I know Grandmother”

Everyone turned to look at Neteyam. No longer the little warrior boy that was always sitting by quietly. He needed to confirm it

“He is fated for death. For Eywa told me so”

“What?”

Mo’at rose her hand. Her face unchanging from her stern look. “All of them. The spirits and the past. All grew quiet with dread. And its only intuition to interpret her words. But it seems her mate. Your Son. Is fading from the strong man he is”

“You don't know what you speak of! My son is strong”

“Your son isn't here”

“Mo’at are you sure?”

Mo’at could only sigh. She had experienced the hurt and the pain that was to lose your beloved. She had mourned so briefly. But the pain is one that she would never wish on anyone. Let alone her own grandchild.

“I am not certain, however i am certain something is wrong.”

“How long will you be staying here?” Jake asked

Mo’at looked at him. Then pondered for a bit “A week. It is all i can stay before going back”

“Okay okay. Neteyam. Lo’ak. You two and i will search where we can. If they came to that tree surely they wouldn’t be far from there. You two come back as soon as you can i’ll stay and look some more”

Ronal rose from her seat. “I’ll go and look in the clan on the eastern sea. Maybe their Tsahik or Olo’eyktan has seen them”

“I’ll come along too” Tonowari commented, turning back to his daughter. “Daughter. You stay here While we are out”

“I’ll stay with her.” Neytiri commented standing behind her mother.

Jake nodded. “Alright. Good plan”

That was the Plan. Mo’at could only hope that you would not experience the pain of loss.

—---------------------------

The week went by in a flash. No sign of you anywhere. And your family was growing desperate.

Life was going on and that's the way Ronal had to have it. Days passed. Weeks maybe? Ronal had lost track after the first year. Ateyo and Tsireya were her grounding points. And even they seemed to move on with the passing of time.

“How long has it been”

“A month since Mo’at left. A month and three years since they did”

“Tonowari i dont think i can do this” Ronal spoke. It was dark. It was night. And for once she had time to speak her hearts sorrows.

“Be strong Ma Ronal”

“I know. But i feel my heart breaking. Hear it every time i wake it falling and shattering. I want my son. I want him back at whatever costs” Ronal croaked.

Something so deep in the core of her being was screaming.

There was no comfort for this kind of thing. For its sad. And this thing does not happen.

“Ma ronal i-”

“Tonowari i dont think i can wait anymore. My heart cries any time i ask for any glance of my son. Aches”

“I know ma Ronal. But be patient. I will be here with you” Tonowari spoke kissing her forehead as he hugged her tight. Too much time was passing

It had been Pure bliss really. The loving touches. The words and the feeling. That morning when you had awoken from Mating before Eywa would always be engraved in your feelings.

And he could only ask for his son’s life.

Tsaheylu was always a warm feeling. A feeling of becoming one unit and it was really nice. But Tsaheylu in the form of a mate? It was different. A good different.

You had always imagined it would be different and under different circumstances. You would have a man of your clan and they in turn. And everyone would be happy for you.

But this wasn't what you pictured. Ao’nungs hands. How he felt you. How his body worked alongside you. And connecting as one more than tsaheylu. It was something else for sure.

You had felt it once more on one “date night” as Ao’nung had put it. But there was no room for that now.

Ao’nung had been growing weak. And You had been growing tired. It was only a week and some days into your new bond that you had your suspicions and gathered the few leaves you had established that you were blessed with life inside of you.

You were going to tell Ao’nung. But he had been laying in his pond far too long. And yet he had made it so known how happy he was for you two.

“Ma Ao’ you seem paler today than the last days”

“Its alright” He rasped out. His eyes were heavy with a tiredness you never knew. Exhausted, sunken into himself. You could count his lower ribs. His pale appearance now always wrapped in ointments to keep him comfortable

“I ask you to please lets head home.You are growing so ill now please”

“No. And risk my Mother taking you away from me?”

You frowned. Placing your hand on his sunken cheek bone. “Please You are ill”

“You are the thing that keeps me going Ma Yawnetu” Ao’nung smiled, Eyes closing.

You had watched him fade and it scared you how you were alone. You laid your head on his shoulder. Feeling his breath slow. You sighed, feeling tears in your eyes. “Ao’nung i have something to tell you”

It was quiet. Far too quiet and far too long.

“Ao’nung?”

His eyes were shut and his breathing uneven.

“Ao’nung!”

But it fell on deaf ears. You cursed under your breath. Wiping your eyes as you called to your Ikran. Grabbing his shoulders you Pulled him from the water. You didn’t want to do stuff without Ao’nung to know. But you had bit back your tongue far too long.

Tossing Ao’nung over your shoulder and onto Mezu “Come on Ao’nung hold on a little longer” You whispered making Tsaheylu as you took flight.

Praying and hoping that you could hold on just a little longer too

============================================

Taglist: @simp-erformarvelwomen / @luvlykrispy / @yeosxxx / @fanboyluvr / @littlethingsinlife / @eirianna / @elegantkidfansoul / @tsukibaby1 / @adaiasafira / @1-800-not-simping / @reggiesslut / @cmfouatslota77 / @slutforsmut4ever / @zatarias-pandora / @valovesyou / @tachiara / @ghost-lantern / @victorianhorrors / @irlydontknoanymore / @hellok1ttycake / @sweetheartlizzie07 / @audigay / @kiyolover / @bogwaterswamp / @guska0 / @thatoneembarrasingmoment / @anxietydrogz

#avatar the way of water #atwow #aonung x reader #ao'nung #ao'nung x reader #atwow imagines #ao’nung x reader #rambles #ao’nung x you #atwow headcanons #atwow x reader

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tales-from-nocturnaliss · 1 year ago

Text

Find the word

Another tag from @duckingwriting (their post here!), and my first find-the-word play. I dread looking for these and not finding them XD

Received words: Pigeon, Mushroom, Testify, Hostage

Words for anyone who wants to join: macabre, graveyard, luminosity, spectral (yep it's a bit dark-themed << XD)

(should you join from here, tag me and I guarantee I'll comment on yours)

Pigeon: N/A

Mushroom (from Fates):

Faced with too many questions and no way to answer them, Frank had decided to drop the search for clues, but not before pocketing the gun. Once his clothes washed and dried, he'd gotten dressed and secured the gun at the back of his jeans, shirt loosened over them in cover. With evening falling and swallowing the rainy world in darkness, he'd lit up all the lamps he could find and started work on a better distraction: a leftover dinner comprising of an omelette with onions and mushrooms for himself, and a simple pasta dish with mushroom sauce for his brother – something he could warm up in the microwave once he'd wake. Or so Frank had thought.

Testify (from Fates - legit the only story I ever used the word):

"So," Hernandez eventually says, "They say Shary Ward is off limits. Major PTSD. Doesn't talk, doesn't react; so we can assume she won't be testifying anytime soon. "As for Frank Adams, he got out of surgery about an hour ago. They want us to leave him alone tomorrow, but he's fair game after that. Oh and, they'll be informing Linda Adams that her kid's here and needs a ride. Familia's got nothing but trouble, eh."

Hostage (from Isaru's story (Aeyuu)):

Commander Horoi did not reply right away, as he needed time to process information as well. Her words spoke truth – a truth many had sought over the years, and none had ever found with absolute certainty. So he asked, "How could you know whether I'm right or wrong?" Isaru felt cornered by his question. This man, this Dirku… He had a way of manipulating words, of gently coercing answers out of her. Would he believe her, were she to tell him she had likely (I don't know that!) been there until the city's end? Was it wise to speak of what little she remembered? Would he pry, would he hold her hostage until the entire forgotten truth was revealed? The thought alone set her nerves on edge. "I just… know," Isaru finally said, looking away from him, "That is all I have to say."

#writing tag games #find the word game #Noct shares writings #original writing

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myfictionaldreams · 3 years ago

Note

alright ive been thinking about this for 2 months now

so basically the reader is in their last year at hogwarts and still have troubles with the patronus charm

so they ask professor lupin to teach them in a private lesson ;) everything is going good and after the reader has done it successfully remus asks what memory they thought of

“i thought of kissing you” “that never happened” “yet” AND IT TURNS INTO SMUT??

THE PATRONUS // Remus Lupin x fem!reader

A/N: thank you so much for the request! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to do this! I hope you enjoy it anon!

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, reader is over 18, teacher/student, rough sex, multiple orgasms, oral (f receving), creampie, praise kink, size difference, age difference, pet names, d/s undertones, cockwarming, desk sex, spanking

Word: 4.5k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

The great hall was alive with bustling students, all hungrily tucking into the masses of food that had been served for lunch, each turning to one another to talk about anything and everything that came to mind.

Just as you sat down, moving to pile your plate with sandwiches, a tall recognisable figure caught your attention, sending flutters through your stomach, smiling lightly up at Professor Lupin as he passed to leave, his eyes catching yours and sending a just-as-warm smile in return. Trying to hide the warming in your cheeks, you returned your attention back to the food presented before you but the knowing looks from your friends sitting beside you, had you stopping mid-reach. “What?”

“You know what!” your best friend Alice whispered frantically, her shit-eating grin causing you to roll your eyes, trying to not play into their teasing. “Come on, you can’t just ignore the way he smiled at you, and only you!”

“Keep your voice down! You’re seeing something that isn’t there, now stop talking about it!”

“Come on y/n, we’ve all seen the secret glances you both share in class! And let’s not forget about the time he gave you extra house points, simply for answering ‘what day of the week is it?’, you can’t deny the chemistry!” your other friend Shari exclaimed.

“Would you both please stop! Yes, I have a crush on Professor Lupin, and no, I don’t need the entirety of Hogwarts hearing about it so stop!” your pleaded, trying to hide your embarrassed expression as you munched on the corner of your sandwich.

“Fine, fine, we’ll move on. Have you heard that Harry Potter produced a fully corporeal Patronus charm? All I can do is produce a small wisp from my wand” Shari grumbled, once again feeling out-matched by the younger student.

“At least you have something come out of your wand, what kind of a seventh-year student can’t even get an incorporeal Patronus, it’s embarrassing” you moaned, slumping onto your closed fist resting on the table. Being nearly a perfect student, when you couldn’t succeed at something, it would drive you mad. It took you a few seconds to pass before you noticed that your friends were looking at each other with a mischievous glint, only causing you to feel uneasy and nervous. Sighing dramatically you asked, “why are you both looking at me like that?”

Alice leaned closer first, Shari following her actions until all three of you were huddled together, “why don’t you go and ask your favourite professor for some extra-curricular help? I’m sure he’d be more than willing to help his ‘golden-girl’ student if I do remember him calling you that correctly?”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at their suggestion, their giggles causing surrounding students to turn and stare so you once again, tried to quiet them down but they only continued to convince you that you should go and ask for help. The more you thought about it, however, the more you found yourself being convinced that this was a good idea. It wouldn’t hurt to ask the professor for help producing the Patronus charm and you had to admit, you would like some one-to-one teaching from him, not denying that you felt that there seemed to be something more than just a student-teacher relationship between the two of you, if the longing glances, the small touches to the back of your hand or the endless praises that he only seemed to say to you were anything to go by, but you’d also allowed your daydreams to be filled with the professor way too many times over the last year for anything to make sense anymore.

“I’m going to do it” you decided, starting to stand and the anxious voice in your head being quietened by the exciting thought of being in a room alone with him. Shari and Alice both stopped laughing hearing this, both faces glowing with excitement as they wished you luck.

The walk to his office was done in record time, taking a second to compose yourself, making sure your hair was in the perfect place and flattening your knee-length skirt before lifting your slightly shaky hand to knock briskly on the defence against the dark arts classroom door. His deep voice that you often dreamt of asked you to enter.

Stepping into the classroom and closing the door behind you, you looked around, spotting the Professor in the centre of the room, wand raised as he rearranged the student's desks until they were pushed against the edge of the room. “Ah, Miss y/l/n, how may I help you?” he asked as the last of the desks stopped moving, his full attention now on you as he gave you his kind smile that had you weak at the knees.

Finding yourself dancing from one foot to the other, holding your bag tightly to your chest, you asked, “I... I was wondering professor if you could help me with the Patronus charm? I’ve been practising it for years and never been successful and hearing that Harry has been successful with your help, I’m determined to produce one myself, I just think I need your help… please”.

Professor Lupin smiled at you, nodding his head as he responded, “of course, I’ll always have time to help my golden girl, especially when she asks so nicely”. Your cheeks warmed, hating how easy it was for him to affect you but also relief rushing through your veins at hearing that he’d help you. “I have an hour free now if you’d like to start?” he offered.

“Yes please, now is perfect!” you answered, before recoiling at how enthusiastic you sounded.

The older man didn’t seem to notice as he continued to smile politely towards you, extending his arm towards his private office, “it’ll be easier in my office, that way we won’t be interrupted by students in the hallway”. It sounded reasonable as he explained it, but you couldn’t help but feel a spark of excitement pulse between your legs as you happily walked past him and up the stairs to his office, not being able to see the way he watched you walk or the subtleness as he flicked his wand towards the door to the classroom, silently locking it.

Entering his private office, you couldn’t help but gaze at the mysterious objects decorating the room, so distracted that him closing the door caused you to jump slightly, smiling sheepishly as he walked around you, leaning on his wooden desk and folding his arms. “Show me what you can produce,” he asked calmly.

Dropping your bag onto the floor, and pulling your wand free, you pointed it towards the closest wall, trying to ignore the way your hand shook before concentrating on the spell, thinking of a happy memory before shouting “expecto patronum!”

Like usual, nothing happened, not even a slither of silver was produced as you disappointedly lowered your wand, glancing at the professor once more as he looked at you with contemplation. “Your stance looked good as well as your wand and spell use, maybe you aren’t thinking of a happy enough memory, what was it that you were thinking of?”

“It was from my 18th birthday, my parents surprised me with a puppy” it was the happiest you’d felt in a long time, the golden-haired puppy barking loudly from behind your father's back before they handed the little bundle over to you.

Professor Lupin nodded his head, starting to remove his tweed jacket leaving him in a long-sleeved, off-white shirt and black tie. He then proceeded to explain that the memory needs to be more powerful than this, one that will fill your entire heart and being with joy, love and happiness, once that can connect with your magical core.

Not that you were listening anymore, having lost track of any words leaving his mouth as soon as you saw him without his jacket, only becoming lost in the way his mouth moved, the way his hair fell into his hazel eyes, the muscles in his arms that surprisingly filled out his shirt and how the room naturally smelt of him, something you craved to smell every day. It was only as he shuffled to become comfortable on the desk did you snap back into the moment, “you are a smart witch, I know you can do this”.

Your heart filled with pride as he lifted his eyebrows, smiling a little deeper as he caught you staring openly at him. Blinking a few times, you nodded and faced back towards the wall, head still not clear of the images of your professor but it only escalated. Thinking about touching his arms, wondering if his lips were as soft as they looked, wanting to find out by touching them with your own lips. Shaking your head quickly, you pointed towards the wall, shouting “expecto patronum” again but this time you could feel your magic pouring through your arm and into your wand, silver bursting from the tip to create the shape of a wolf. You couldn’t help the gasp of excitement that you exclaimed, watching as the wolf silently howled before disappearing, your wand arm collapsing to your side as you felt drained but elated that you could actually do it. “I did it!”

“Well done y/n! I knew my golden girl could do it, I’m so proud of you!” the professor shouted, now standing only a few feet away and suddenly you didn’t feel in control of your body as you bounded over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him close. The man only laughed, hugging you back just as eagerly, his arms feeling perfect around your waist, his face resting comfortably against your neck.

Pulling back slightly, you dropped your arms, playing with the sides of your skirt, hiding your face from the embarrassment of actually just jumping into his arms but the Professor didn’t seem phased by this, keeping his hands resting lightly on your waist as he looked down with a quizzical expression. “You’ve caught me in a curious state, may I ask what your memory was?”

Your heart seemed to jump in your chest, blind-sided by the question and unable to answer it. Continuing to stare at the floor, you found yourself laughing nervously, “oh, it was nothing of importance”. Your cheeks were warming harshly with embarrassment as you noticed his brown leather shoes bump into yours as he inched even closer to your body, his own body warmth starting to surround your form.

You had to try and keep from squeaking as one of his large scarred hands lifted from your waist to tuck under your chin, tilting your face to look up into his beautiful eyes that flicked between your own, his breath slightly tickling your cheeks as he asked in a husky tone, “Come on golden-girl, I thought we were closer than this, what was your memory? I’m assuming from the way you’re squirming that it is a certain gentleman?”

His eyes were captivating as you tried to keep your voice from wobbling, “um, you could say that but it’s just…something…in my head, it’s really nothing”.

Professor Lupin didn’t seem convinced however as he absents mindedly started to stroke his thumb across your cheek, leaving goosebumps down your arms, particularly as you noticed his eyes dropping to stare at your lips as you bite your bottom lip. “Well now you have me really curious, how can something in your head cause such a powerful Patronus”.

The intensity of which he was looking at you now as his grip on your waist tightened, caused any rational thoughts to slowly slip from your mind as you rashly answered, “it…it was just a kiss”.

“With” he edged on, his face seemingly moving closer to your own as you couldn't help but flick your eyes between his eyes and lips.

“You”. Your voice was barely audible, hardly breathing as you couldn’t believe the single word that slipped from your lips.

Remus only looked down at you with a small smirk, tilting his head to the side as if he was thinking deeply. “That’s never happened now has it Miss y/l/n.

Motivated further by his touches and demeanour, you couldn’t even stop yourself if you tried as you said more confidently, “yet”.

Expecting him to push you away, you couldn’t help but gasp as the hand gripping your chin moved to brush a loose strand of hair out of your face and behind your ear, leaving his rough fingertips to caress your cheek. “Is that what you’d want?” Not knowing whether to say yes or no, you instead remained silent, even as he dropped his face until his lips tickled the shell of your ear as he whispered, “Do you want to kiss your professor? For me, to break every Hogwarts rule just to kiss me?”

Your eyes closed at feeling him so close, his facial hair brushing against the side of your face as you subconsciously leaned into his touch, your hands reaching up to grip onto his shirt tightly, whining “yes” before you could even comprehend the meaning behind the singular word.

The deepness of his chuckle sent adrenaline through your body as he stood back to his full height, looking down at you, “do you know what I want?” Shaking your head, you couldn’t help but gasp once more as he suddenly was gripping your jaw, his tone now thick and sultry, “I want you over my desk, screaming my name until you forget your own.”

Your whole body warmed up at his words, not quite believing what he was saying, your thighs immediately rubbing together as you groaned in need. He didn’t make a move forward though as he still stared down at your quivering form, hands clenching harder into his shirt but his taunting continued, “Would you like that, love? I want to hear you say it, I need you to say it’ll just be our little secret”.

The man above you was driving you absolutely crazy, trying to hold back from leaning onto your tiptoes and kissing him as you used that courage to reply, “I…I want this, more than you could ever know Professor, and I want this to be our little secret.”

Within a flash, his lips that you had been staring at were now smashing into yours, kissing fiercely, it took you a second to comprehend what was happening before finally melting into his arms, moaning as you tasted chocolate as his tongue slipped between your lips.

You couldn’t believe it.

You were actually snogging Professor Lupin!

Your knees felt weak as he pulled you as close as possible, his hand gripping into your hair to tilt your head back as he could attack your neck with his mouth, starting with soft, sensual kisses before sucking harshly on spots across your throat. Feeling more confident as he explored your neck, you released the grip on his shirt, moving them further up his body, feeling his chest, shoulders and then resting on either side of his face as he moved to look down at you once more before kissing you roughly.

The two of you moved in sync, faces moving from side to side, desperately grabbing onto bodily parts, trying to pull each other impossibly closer. A deep groan vibrated from the teacher's chest as you bite into his bottom lip, letting it snap back before looking up sultry at him. He moved quickly, both hands gripping under your thighs, turning on the spot and lifting you onto his desk, wandlessly swiping any objects that lived on the wood onto the floor as the cool surface brushed against the back of your knees. He positioned himself before your thighs, still kissing passionately as his fingers started to slip beneath your skirt, his fingertips tickling the skin as he massaged your thighs, inching higher until he reached your hips, flipping up your skirt to expose your pantie covered centre to him.

Professor Lupin pulled back, glancing down to see a wet patch had formed in your white cotton underwear and his breath hitched, eyes seemingly turning darker as he glanced back up to your face, hands still holding your hips whilst yours rested on his shoulders, “I’ve wanted to have my face between your thighs for months”. Shivering at his words, you could help but bite your lip in anticipation, especially as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your underwear and effortlessly started to pull your underwear down your legs.

You watched as he tucked your underwear into his back pocket before staying on his knees before you, his eyes zoned in on your leaking centre, hands now gripping onto each of your thighs as he slowly started to spread them, giving him a better view. “Even more beautiful than I ever could have thought” he muttered briefly before diving right in, not even giving you a second to truly comprehend what was happening. All you could do was grip onto the back of his head, staring down at him with your mouth hanging open as he slipped his tongue between your folds, tasting your uniquely flavoured juices, moaning as soon as they were slipping down his throat.

His mouth was warm and his tongue soft as it stroked over your most delicate of areas, trying to reach every corner as he gripped one of your legs and threw it over his shoulders so he could squeeze in closer. His nose now brushed against your throbbing clit as his tongue pushed into your clenching hole, pushing in and out as he looked up into your eyes as you continued to moan his surname repeatedly, the sound like music to his ears. All of the kissing and touches had stimulated you enough that it wasn’t long before you could feel the tingling sensations starting to build throughout your cunt, a tightening coil in your abdomen until it felt like it couldn’t feel any better and then it all released.

Your legs nearly strangled him as they clenched around his head, your voice was ringing out as pleasure waved through your cunt, particularly as he removed his tongue from your hole to suck on your clit, your back arching up in relief. Lapping up everything you had to offer for him, you finally sucked in a deep breath as he stopped stimulating your pussy, moving up to his full height once more between your thighs before grasping the side of your face and pulling you in for another heated kiss, your face warming as you tasted yourself on his lips and tongue.

“Do you see what you do to me?” he grunted, thrusting his clothed bulge across your centre, causing you to release an ungodly moan, “I see you walk past me in the hallways every day, smile innocently at me but all I want to do is fuck you against the wall, do you know just how hard it’s been to be your teacher”. Gripping the front of his shirt once more, you pulled his shoulder down until his lips were connected with yours again, his facial hair chafing against your cheeks as you passionately kissed. Your hands then dropped to his clothes cock, squeezing him through his trousers and feeling your heartbeat harder at his moans, his lips were soon leaving yours however as he leaned his forehead against yours. “You have no idea how much I want to just lose control, love”.

“Then lose control Professor Lupin, I promise I can take it” you squeezed his member for emphasis, your horny state taking over any sane thoughts as all you wanted at that moment was for his cock to be pounding into you. He smirked darkly at your words, and you knew that he had something in store for you as he rushed to pull you off the desk, your legs wobbling from your recent orgasm before quickly turning you on the spot and pushing your chest down until you were now over the desk. He positioned himself between your legs that were quivering from need whilst his hands grabbed each of your hands, holding them to your lower back with one hand whilst the other removed his black tie and before you knew it, he had tied your hands together.

Now you were really desperate to feel him but then a thought occurred to you. You’d not even seen his cock yet, all you could feel with his bulge was how hard he was. You hadn’t even been able to see or feel if he was thick, thin, long or on the smaller side, you were completely blinded to whatever he was pulling out of his trousers, the sound of his zipper being lowered, his belt being undone just caused your hips to canter off of the desk in need. “Please professor!” you mewled, knowing you sounded desperate but from his deep chuckle, you knew he was absolutely loving it as you could feel him trying to manoeuvre himself until something was pushed against your entrance.

Oh, he was thick, and, fuck, it just kept going, his hips pushing and pushing until his tip hit snuggly against your cervix. The sheer girth of him had you panting as your walls stretched around him, the months of daydreaming about this moment, nothing could have actually prepared you for how good it felt to have Professor Remus Lupin’s cock, thrust deep inside of your cunt. He stayed sheathed inside for a few seconds, grunting as he felt your walls fluttering around him as his hands gripped onto your tied up hands.

The girthy cock slowly pulled halfway out, both of your moanings at the sensations, Remus watching in between your bodies as he started to ease in and out, his balls brushing against your clit with each stroke. “You feel perfect” he grunted as he thrust harshly back in, causing you to slam into the desk, his rhythm beginning to increase so that he was repeatedly pounding into you. Your hips were sure to bruise from the punishing thrusts, one hand using your tied up hands to pull your body down with each hip movement, your arms were now starting to ache from the way they were being moved but you didn’t care, his cock was turning your brain to mush as each thrust brushed against every nerve and spot that had turned you into a bumbling mess.

“I’m-I’m going to cum Professor” you moaned, not surprised that you were already so close to cumming as he pounded away, feeling your so thoroughly stretched and pleasured, his hand brushed over your arse cheek and with each hit into your cervix, he spanked your rear, sending both pain and pleasure spiralling through your entire body, his slaps causing heat to radiate from the sore spot as he didn’t stop until you were screaming out in pleasure, your orgasm rocking you to the core.

Your limbs twitched as he didn’t falter in his pace, even as you could feel your walls holding in a strong vice-like hold, his hips still slapping into yours, causing your head to collapse heavily against the desk. You couldn’t even think coherently, not even being able to remember anything except the name of the man that was fucking you hard into his desk, “Professorrrrr” you mumbled, eyes closed, not even aware that some drool had slipped past your lips as you were overcome with pleasure.

“What was that love, does that feel good?” he asked whilst moving to grip your hair, tugging harshly on it until your head was snapped back and you were looking out of his office window, across the grounds of Hogwarts as their defence against the dark arts teacher pounded away into you. Moanin wildly at his words, you could already feel the tightening in your core building quickly, especially as you tugged your upper half up until you were half-standing, his arm encircling around your waist to keep you up, legs shaking from all of the stimulation.

His thrusts were becoming feral, the pace brutal, strokes long, deep and harsh with each thrust, his head dipped between your neck and shoulder, you cried out as he bit into your neck, not enough to draw blood but leave teeth indents across your skin and you were soon toppling over once more, sobbing in relief and pleasure. “Such a good girl, I’m so close, stay with me now”.

You mewled to show that you’d stay with him, whimpering as sparks shot through your cunt and legs with each brush of his cock until he suddenly stilled, groaning your name into your ear, a hot sensation filling your pussy as he came deep inside.

Without pulling out, he manoeuvred you both over to his office chair, collapsing the two of you into it before pulling you close to his chest, holding you still as the two of you caught your breath, his hand caressing your back as you couldn’t help but shiver occasionally at the stimulations. Your eyes were closed as you nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his scents, feeling his shirt beneath your fingers as you both stayed like that for a few minutes, his cock softening until it slipped out of your hole as you could feel his seed dripping down into his lap.

Remus was the first to move, reaching into a pocket to pull free his wand, “open your legs for me, love” he asked his tone now a lot softer than it had been only moments ago. Looking up at him with a confused expression, you did as instructed, opening your shaking legs, exposing yourself once more for him and with a wave of his wand and a silent spell, the cum that had been slowly pouring out disappeared as an empty feeling suddenly encased your pussy as he magically cleaned you up. Next, the Professor leaned forward into the top drawer of his desk, pulling out a small vial of purple liquid, uncorking it before passing it to you, “drink this, it’s a contraception”.

Taking the vial you drank it quickly, before passing back the empty glass, laughing slightly causing him to look down at you with a raised eyebrow in question. “Been prepared for this moment have you?” you responded, leaning back into his touch.

“I’ve been prepared for this moment since I saw you staring at me from the corner of my eye in lessons, love”.

The two of you stayed together for another 10 minutes, giving soft touches and kisses, a complete contrast to his pounding. Soon you both needed to attend the rest of your lessons so he helped you to stand, smirking as he refused to give back your underwear. Before he opened the door, however, he waved his wand towards your neck causing a strange warm tingling to occur. Reaching up, where the teeth indents had been was now smooth skin, smiling up at him, he leaned down to kiss you gently before whispering, “told you, our little secret, no one’s going to find out” and with that, he opened the door, watching you leave.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin smut #hp smut #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin fanfic #mine*#request

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yehet-me-up · 4 years ago

Text

Reboot

Pairing: Jongdae/Chen x reader (female)

Word Count: 26,971 😬 read it in a mobile web browser if it crashes!

Rating: (PG13) for swearing + sexy vibes (nothing more explicit than a kiss on the page though)

Summary: Chen’s Electronics is a mystery, both how the store came to be and the man running it. When you start working as a receptionist for the enigma that is Kim Jongdae, you’re determined to be the one who unravels the mystery. You’re prepared for anything, except for falling in love with Jongdae himself.

Part eight of the Exodus Mall series (Can be read independently, but you’ll get some extra backstory if you read the other parts first!)

A/N: I’m SO delighted that Jongdae is getting his IRL happily ever after and I’m so excited to wrap up his fictional counterpart’s story today, so he can have his ending as well 💕

March 15th, 1997

Capitol Hill is in full swing, the promise of spring drawing the sleeping city from its winter hibernation. The silver dress you wear is far shorter than you're used to, but the denim jacket is big enough to properly cover your ass, which is something at least. In your platform boots, borrowed from your roommate Liz, you're almost tall enough to see over the busy street to Cal Anderson Park up ahead.

'Come on,' Liz says with an excited glint in her eye. 'The club's just on the far side of Boylston.'

You nod distantly, eyes wide as you try to take in all the people around you. After spending the last two years buried in a book in the UW library or at internships or in class it feels startling to realize how much youthful, passionate energy beats at the heart of the city so close to where you've been existing. Not that you never go out, but now that you’re approaching the end of your master’s degree you feel like a diver finally reaching the surface to draw breath. You’re ready to celebrate.

A door opens to your right and music surrounds you. An impassioned man sings about an even flow, accompanied by an aggressive drummer and what you can tell is skilled guitar playing. The people on the sidewalk beside you press in, screaming and cheering and trying to shove their way into a club. A faded sign above announces it as Moe's Bar.

Your roommate's hand finds yours and she pulls you out through an opening in the crowd.

Once you’re free again you laugh and brush your hair behind your ears. Dozens of other clubs and bars and late-night restaurants you pass are the same. Men with mohawks in every color of the rainbow. Women in combat boots with plaid jackets tied at their waists. A group of teenagers skateboard down Broadway, hollering into the night as they fly by, the clack of their wheels muffled by the lingering rain dampening the streets.

Everyone seems taken by the revelry. It would be so easy - to disappear into the thriving mass of people celebrating music and community and being alive. Now, with graduation so close you can finally taste it, you surrender to the sensation. Tilting your head back you look at the round full moon above, peeking out through the clouds, and give a joyful, if tentative, howl.

This makes your roommate turn and squeeze your hand. Liz smiles with pride. 'Now that's the spirit!' she says with a fist pump and howl of her own.

The nightclub is unassuming, especially amongst the neon and metal venues you passed to get here. Two simple brass lamps spotlight the enormous carved wooden doors. Bass thumps from within, the slight rattling of the doors is the only indication that life exists within. Shari’s reads the hanging sign.

Liz practically glows under the lights, a North star leading you into a whole new world.

After so many years of keeping your nose to the grindstone - success gained through effort rather than extraordinary intelligence; advanced classes, extra college courses during the summer, every extracurricular you could pack in before you cracked, a high school diploma by sixteen, bachelors by twenty and MBA by twenty two - you would follow her anywhere as long as it didn't involve studying or a business suit.

She guides you through the heavy wood door into a small entry room. A large man with so many piercings he'd have a terrible time at the security scanners at the airport checks your IDs. It's stayed in your wallet, practically untouched, since the official one came last year on your twenty-first birthday.

Finally inside the club you bite your lip to hide a wide, giddy smile of excitement. Bodies fill the dance floor, joyously swaying to the beat. A DJ booth rises from a far corner like Sauron’s tower in the Lord of the Rings. A man with dark hair that falls in his intense eyes runs the booth; a king commanding his loyal subjects.

Liz finds her group of friends from the mall she works at spread over two successive tables with circular cushioned benches behind them. Their names and faces blur together in the low lighting, but everyone is welcoming, offering you a smile or a shake of a hand. A cheerful blonde-haired man, who you swear says his name is Bacon, takes you and Liz’s coats and purses and adds them to an overflowing pile beside him.

Before you can even think of sitting down Liz guides you onto the dance floor. Normally you’re the one in control. The one with the plan. The group leader or the one who organized the debate team fundraiser/supply closet at work/networking mixer. But it’s… nice, not having to be the center of everything, keeping it together with your effort alone.

She gives you a teasing smile as if she can read your thoughts and you roll your eyes with a laugh. ‘No overthinking this!’ she commands with a raised brow as you find a good spot.

As if I have any other way of thinking. ‘I promise nothing!’ you shrug and smile at her.

Your movements are slow at first, awkward, and you laugh to yourself with amusement. Self-deprecation has never been your poison. Along with an unshakeable drive to make something of yourself you've always had a healthy sense of self-esteem. Who cares if you aren't the best dancer?

You get into the swing after the second song and shake your ass with delight at the energy in the room and the incredible job the DJ is doing loosening you up. He’s remixing “Semi-Charmed Life” with an older techno hit you don’t recognize.

Before long Jongin, Liz’s crush and co-worker from the KOKO exercise studio, captures her attention and you end up dancing with Baekhyun (tragically not actually named Bacon) and a girl who calls herself Hitchcock. You recognize each other from a seminar last school year at UW and take a long break to catch each other up on your lives over shots at the table.

She tells you about her dual jobs at Microsoft and the movie theater at the Exodus Mall. You fill her in on your thesis project and she offers to look over your resume as you plan to apply to a similar track at the tech giant after you graduate.

When Liz said she was forcing you from your obsessive, ahem dedicated, studying for your research paper you didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t all of this. Reconnecting with a friend. A potential foot in the door at your dream job. Dancing so much that your back gets slick with sweat. Laughing with Liz so hard your stomach aches as Baekhyun attempts to breakdance, nearly falling backwards into no less than four people.

As if the night couldn’t get any better, something else catches your eye. Someone else - the DJ steps down from the booth on a break.

His black pants, white shirt, and tie would be overly formal and out of place in the nightclub, but his pushed-up sleeves reveal muscled forearms. The neon yellow sunglasses and loose piano pattern of the tie he wears make him look sexy, in an off-duty retro businessman kind of way. His face reveals none of his emotions as he slips off his shades, tucking them in his jacket pocket. But the corners of his lips tilt up with amusement as he scans the room.

Clearly he’s impressed with the atmosphere he’s created here tonight. As he should be, you think. You imagine for a moment what it would be like if he noticed you. If this was a meet-cute or the start of something. But his focus is on the bar now, not lingering on you or anyone else in the club. Dating for you was a rocky road and absolutely nothing like the way it looked in the John Hughes movies that were your guilty pleasure growing up.

Between your parents' support and your own innate thirst for success, you always felt like an outsider in terms of relationships. Extroverted and empathetic enough to make and maintain friendships, but boys were tougher. You could never figure out dating to your satisfaction in high school and you left when most of your peers were just finishing up Sophomore year.

In college there was hope. Studious and hardworking men with glasses and a love of Emily Dickinson and black coffee. Law school-bound guys who rowed crew and whose confidence was just on the right side of attractive instead of insufferable. John Cusack types with easy smiles and crates of vinyl they carefully collected, who performed at the Comedy Underground in hopes of ‘being discovered.’

It was both thrilling and irritating. You went after dating with almost as much determination as you did your school and career, set on experiencing everything possible.

But the English major wanted someone in a pastel dress and tights, who volunteered at an animal shelter and didn’t eviscerate him at Scrabble. The future lawyer was looking for his future trophy wife, to stand beside him at fancy dinners and fraternity mixers. And the Lloyd Dobler wannabe needed a muse, a beautiful and ethereal woman to be his object of longing, to laugh at his jokes and pass through life without worry about the future.

Not that you were jealous, or even bitter. Just because you weren’t what they were looking for wasn’t anything personal and you never took it like it was. The women they wanted existed and were wonderful in all their own ways. But it grated at you, how you always felt like a square peg in a round hole. Never being the right fit.

All your life you’d gotten used to knowing, and getting, what you wanted. It was insanely frustrating to not have found anything that stuck. Failure in any form made you frown, but thankfully romantic mishaps always took a backseat to school, friends, and your future, so it was easy to ignore. Until now.

The DJ passes close enough to you and Liz that you can see the echoes of dark circles under his eyes and the rich brown of his hair in the passing neon lights. For some reason that same intuition, that same hunger and drive that had propelled you to awards and scholarships and countless other successes, tells you to follow him. Whatever it is about him, your body and your desire react before your mind and conscious rational thought.

'I'll be back,' you yell to your roommate over the music. She nods and gives you a thumbs up as she's drawn into Jongin’s embrace once more.

Like a missile you weave through the crowd, target in sight. You watch as the DJ leans against the end of the bar, carefully positioning himself so he's at the end with no one behind him. You wonder if it's out of a dislike of people sneaking up on him or if he's a predator, sizing up the crowd.

With a casual hand he orders a drink from the bartender and surveys the crowd coolly. Too high on life to care too much, you take the seat two over from him, carefully avoiding eye contact, feigning nonchalance. ‘Self-possessed,’ that’s how your fifth grade teacher described you. Independent and old beyond your years. It always thrilled you, the praise and respect of adults. You wanted to earn more of it, to be seen as capable and mature.

But something about the man beside you makes you feel younger. Raw and playful in a way you’re not sure you’ve ever been before.

Admiring the cut of his jaw, you imagine kissing it. His hands on the bar are graceful, strong, befitting his profession. You want him and you want him to want you. The thought makes you inhale a deep breath, not even sure what that would mean. Adrenaline and delight fill your mind and you briefly fantasize about him holding you close on the dance floor like Jongin does to Liz. His hands on your hips and his mouth teasing your neck.

The bartender reappears on your side of the bar, his bald head gleaming in the lights of the club, and you snap back into reality. The flames tattooed across his knuckles shine as he slides a drink down the length of the bar, towards the DJ. An impulsive, reckless daring you've only ever felt before at debate tournaments makes you reach out and catch the glass of dark liquid before it can reach its desired recipient.

In one smooth motion you lift it to your lips and turn to meet the DJ's deep brown eyes. With a smirk you raise the glass. In two gulps you down the drink, the bourbon burning its way down your throat, reminding you how good it feels to be free, to be alive.

To challenge someone who feels like a decent opponent.

He watches you, his eyes flaring with surprise before fading back to indifference. He looks like a tiger in a cage at the zoo, pacing in front of a glass divider. His fingers tap impatiently on the lacquered bartop and he tilts his head, watching as you lick the moisture from your lip, savoring the taste. You wonder if he'd be just as heady and strong on your tongue.

You have the feeling that with the slightest pressure in the right place and the glass would shatter, unleashing the beast within. The thought makes you clench your thighs together, a heat filling you that has nothing to do with the people pressing in on you trying to get the attention of the bartender.

The DJ seems just as self-contained as you are. A voice inside you whispers of unstoppable forces meeting immovable objects and you wonder which of you would cave first.

Before you can say anything, before you can even wipe the satisfied smile off your lips or ask his name or offer to pay for the drink, he drops a bill to the counter and slides off the stool. He pushes into the crowd, disappearing as if he'd never been there. As if he hardly noticed you.

But you didn't miss the interest, the arousal, the animal within him rising to your challenge. He slinks back up to the DJ booth and resumes his position of power, thirst unquenched.

You don't know his name, or anything about him. Aside from the fact that the way he looks at you feels so wrong it's right, and that his hands are the first ones you've ever wanted wrapped around your waist so badly you can feel it beating in your palms.

But you know one thing, as you rejoin your roommate on the dance floor, whatever has started between you and the enigmatic DJ isn't finished.

May 21st, 1997

You straighten your blazer, looking in the mirror to make sure your outfit is perfect. It’s not your first interview this week and it certainly won’t be the last, but it is the one you’re the most curious about.

The position as a receptionist and accountant for an electronics repair store isn’t exactly how you pictured your first job after getting your MBA, but the pay and the opportunity to work alongside the enigmatic tech genius Kim Jongdae is a chance you can’t pass up.

All that’s left is the graduation ceremony in June and then you’re free. Your final exams are done, your thesis is defended, and you’ve completed a thorough and perhaps slightly obsessive spreadsheet documenting all your connections who might have an in at your most desired companies. Now knee-deep in the process of interviewing for jobs it strikes you all of a sudden that this is what you’ve been working for… almost all your life.

The lighting in the bathroom of the mall is stark and a moment of uncertainty makes your knees weak.

Since your test results in elementary school came back top of the class it’s been the same refrain. Get good grades. Impress your teachers. Study and diversify your interests and push harder every year and eventually it will all pay off, right? You’re damn proud of what you’ve done, but now, here in the after, all you can think as you watch your own reflection is - now what?

Frowning, you wonder how many other applicants there are for this job. Anyone in the tech circle in Seattle knows about Jongdae. Rumors abound that he was set to be the next Bill Gates when an investment deal went south. Or that he was kicked out of Harvard for embarrassing his professors with his superior smarts. Someone in your Econ seminar once told you she’d heard that he was contracted by the NSA to spy on foreign hackers.

Whatever his history, he currently runs a computer and electronics repair store in a very unassuming mall in Capitol Hill. You want to stand out, and what better way to do so than the track down the mystery of Kim Jongdae, the prodigy turned hermit. You infuse your veins with confidence, knowing you can handle anything thrown at you. Or so you think.

The mall is quiet and peaceful in the mid-morning on a Wednesday. A couple of tables in the food court are filled with older men and women playing cards and board games. A group of moms walks past you talking about a storytime at the bookstore in the mall.

The slow and steady hum of activity in here is a far cry from where you thought you’d be working. Professors encouraged you to head to IBM or Oracle. With your skills, business sense, and intuitive ability to pick up each new trend in technology they told you that you would have your choice of opportunities.

But while you’re no stranger to hard work and a competitive work environment, the idea of clawing your way to the top of yet another group of high achievers just sounds… awful.

You long to travel, to finally see some of the exotic and culturally rich places you’ve stuck photos of to your fridge. You want to be able to actually go out on the weekends and see your friends. Whatever your future holds you want to finally enjoy your life outside of school and work, even if it’s only for a year.

You could always recognize the friends who were interning at Amazon because they looked like they’d come off a week of no sleep. Many of your fellow MBA graduates were flocking there, as the company finally went public earlier this month. But something just felt - off to you. Like a canary in a coal mine.

Purpose, fulfillment, financial security, and a challenging work environment? Yes.

Burnout, no free time, and living and breathing for ‘the company’? No, thank you.

At the salary Jongdae had advertised you could easily continue to afford the apartment you shared with your two roommates and work on paying off the remaining student loans your scholarships hadn’t covered. And you could hide away a small amount of your check every month for the trip to Amsterdam you’ve been planning for years.

The gentle music in the wide, bright lobby of the mall makes you sigh in relief. This job is a win-win and you’re more determined than ever to get it.

You finally see the shop. If you weren’t looking for it, you’d have missed it between the black and neon purple exterior of KMS Music and the narrow security office tucked behind the lively pizza restaurant. There’s a line winding its way in front of the music store and you assume it’s for an album release. Until you realize that the line is leading straight where you’re going and stop in your tracks.

Chen's Electronics. The mall is full of colors and bright shop fronts. But this is almost bleak in comparison, as though it's resisted the outright displays of joy and liveliness that seem to be at the heart of the mall. The sign is red neon against a black and steel facade. A simple poster hangs in one of the two wide windows that frame the door.

We do: - Hard Drive Repair - Internet Connectivity Issues - Computer virus protection - Turntables, record players, and other portable home audio systems - Radios - POS/credit card system repair (For stores in the Exodus Mall only)

We do not: - Sell computers or computer parts. Don't ask.

You raise a brow at the last note. The harsh exterior of the store and the brusque tone definitely match with what you've heard of Chen's Electronics - that the man who runs it is a computer genius, but that his bedside manner leaves much to be desired. Perhaps that's why the job posting emphasized 'superior customer service skills.'

The line you join grows, others coming in behind you, and you wonder if Jongdae told everyone the same 10am time frame or if he staggered interviews throughout the day. As you wait the line slowly dwindles. A woman leaves crying a few minutes later, and you watch her go with surprise and attempt to peek into the store. You’re still too far back to see in, so you’re left to wait and wonder.

Finally you’re next, waiting just outside the store. A printed piece of paper is taped to the door. CLOSED FOR INTERVIEWS it says in big, bolded letters.

The tall man who was ahead of you in line isn’t visible at either of the two work stations set up inside the shop. There must be a back room of some kind. You take the moment to check out the space. The store is organized chaos. Rows of shelves line each of the two walls, full of equipment - computers in various states of disassembly, old transistor radios, a VHS player, a few turntables, and endless coiled stacks of cords interspersed.

The walls above them and the two walls behind the work stations, on either side of the hallway leading to the back, are blank. No advertisements or personalized touches to make the business seem welcoming. Just bland, empty beige walls. One desk has only a computer, keyboard, and mouse. The other is full of parts and tools that extend over the desk to not one, but two shelving units behind it. Like Jongdae was in the middle of a project and the interviews are a rude interruption.

A muffled angry shout comes from the back, behind the gray curtain hung up over the entrance to the rear of the store. The tall man moves it aside with a sneer as he charges across the floor. With a voice practically a growl he shoves open the door and you jolt back to avoid being hit.

He looks you up and down and shakes his head. ‘Good luck. You’ll need it.’

After a last straightening of your jacket you swallow and push through the door. It's quiet inside, almost reverent, as the door closes behind you. The fluorescent lighting overhead isn't the most welcoming and the tan carpet is terribly dated. No one comes to meet you. The man on the other side must be waiting, like a dragon in his lair.

Your hand closes over the strap of your purse and you hesitate at the curtain, not wanting to move forward without being invited. 'Hello?'

Footsteps come down the short hallway and a hand appears, moving the curtain out of the way to reveal a man. Your jaw almost drops. Oh, shit. It's not at all who you were expecting the famed Jongdae to be - a studious man with glasses and a bad tie.

No, this man is handsome in an aggressive way. His black hair is styled back in a neat wave. His high cheekbones and strong brows hold no humor or friendliness. Only the catlike upturn of his lips stands in rebellious contrast to his unwelcoming face.

This isn't the first time you've seen this face either, you realize, and it's like being run over by a train. He seems to connect the dots at the same moment and his eyes widen, eyebrows raising. It’s the DJ from the bar. The drink. The - oh, god.

He presses his mouth together, smothering his surprise and sitting down harshly in the chair at the crowded desk in the main room. 'What are you doing here?' He keeps his voice tightly contained, not minding in the least that the other potential job candidates are surely watching you both right now.

You give yourself a small shake and remember you're not here to hit on him. You're here for a job. 'I have an interview.'

Best case is ignoring the whole thing. It didn’t happen. Not here in the light of day. His poker face might be good, but yours is better. You keep your breathing even and hope that the racing of your heart isn’t making your cheeks red.

He tilts his head to the side, pressing his lips together in amusement. ‘Alright then.’ Turning to the side he stands and holds the curtain open, allowing you to pass by him into the small office behind.

Holding his focus, you pull out the chair in front of the desk and sit down. You place the resume and references on the table between you and fold your hands on your lap, waiting.

Jongdae takes his place opposite you as he slides the papers across the desk. His eyes dart faster than you can imagine anyone reading. He doesn’t seem flustered, but the tips of his ears are just slightly pink, his nose flaring a bit too much, and you realize he’s just as caught off guard as you are.

Finally, he finishes. 'I… don't think this is going to work.' He looks up, his hand resting on your paperwork on the desk. His face gives away nothing, but his eyes are wild and full of emotion you can’t decipher.

'Why is that?' You keep your voice steady, determined. He’s not going to dismiss you so quickly. Realizing the DJ and the tech wunderkind are one in the same has only heightened your desire to show him you’re the best person for the job.

Jongdae stares at you. This time, there's heat in his expression. You feel his eyes move over you, not taking in the professional attire, but clearly remembering the dress you wore from the club instead. 'I think you know why,' he says under his breath.

Clearing your throat you lean forward, drawn to him by some force you can't define. Like something is shoving you towards this job. 'I don't know what you mean. The posting was for an office manager and bookkeeper. I'm qualified in both and I have plenty of experience. Are you really going to decide I’m not a good fit without even asking me a single question?'

He groans and runs a hand through his hair, his composure faltering for an instant. 'Why do you want this position? You know nothing about me.'

He states it like a fact, not an opening for discussion, but you jump on it anyway. 'I know plenty.'

Satisfaction blooms in your chest when he narrows his eyes, raising a brow. 'I do my research, Mr. Kim. I’m top of my class at UW and I didn’t get there by accident. With such a small team I could get a far broader experience than I could being just another cog in the machine at Microsoft. I might not know you personally, but your reputation precedes you. I plan to excel in the tech industry. And to do that, I need to work with the best. Simple as that.'

'And I'm the best?' He leans back in his chair. Resting his elbow on the armrest, he drags a finger across his lips in appraisal.

His quick responses remind you of the competitive tennis you played growing up. The way it felt to thrive when paired with an equal opponent, someone who could match your speed and precision. Someone who gave as good as they got. How it made you better, sharpened your skills and reflexes up against someone who you couldn’t easily defeat.

'Are you trying to tell me you're not?' You cross your arms and look around, feigning surprise and curiosity. 'If you tell me who is, I'll happily go apply to be their office manager.'

He almost laughs in amusement. You can feel it. But he covers it as a cough instead and tilts his head to the side, sizing you up. 'And you know what this job entails?'

You repeat it easily from memory. 'Being the face of the business. Greeting walk-in customers. Helping them figure out if what they need is something we do. Conferring with you about pricing. Scheduling service appointments over the phone. Processing payments. Ordering supplies. Occasional advertising assistance. Other assorted duties as needed.'

'That about sums it up.'

In the charged silence you hear the muffled noises of the mall - children squealing with delight, orders being called out at the pizza restaurant next door, people talking - but it's all separated. You wonder if the distance is intentional. Many stores have roll up gates or at least have their doors propped open to draw in customers. But not Jongdae. It’s almost as though he’s actively trying to keep visitors out.

You favor boldness and decide to push him, what have you got to lose? 'So, when do I start?' Leaning forward, you give him a relaxed smile. ‘Unless you’d like to terrorize a few more applicants before you choose me? I’m happy to wait, Mr. Kim. But you can’t scare me away. And you don’t intimidate me.’

With equal decisiveness he cracks a lopsided grin and shakes his head, with both amusement and resignation. 'How's now for you?'

You give a passing thought to the other jobs, the ones you’d already interviewed for and the ones on your schedule over the coming days. They all go up in a whiff of smoke as you extend your hand across the table to shake Jongdae’s hand.

‘Now is perfect.’ His palm is warm against yours and you do your best not to react to the contact, but you can’t help the soft sigh that escapes you.

Jongdae withdraws his hand quickly, and you note with pleasure that he seems a bit shaken as he stands. ‘I’ll be right back. You can leave your things here.’ He motions to the coat hooks on the wall by the door and the tall, thin bookshelf with a few cubby slots.

Aside from a black scarf and a few extra office supplies on two of the shelves the rest of the space is empty. You wonder what he isn't saying. 'What made you want help, all of a sudden?’ He pauses and turns back to you. ‘From what I can tell you've been in business for a few years. Why now?'

He sighs. 'I'm too busy to keep doing this by myself.'

'Ah. And you hate that, don't you?'

The ghost of a smile graces his lips. 'Yes.'

Jongdae disappears through the curtain. You follow him after putting your coat on a hook and your purse in one of the spotless cubbies. The rest of the space contains a few filing cabinets, stacks of boxes, and a small safe resting on a narrow table.

When you appear back into the hallway you see a door to the left that must lead out the back. And on the opposite side is an archway with a kitchen sink, a microwave, a small fridge, and a few cupboards inside, along with a small circular table. The table has only one chair. You smile to yourself. Clearly he's accustomed to doing everything by himself.

When you emerge the other applicants are dispersing as he peels the taped sign off the door, balling it up in his hands.

Jongdae gets you set up on the computer at the other desk. It’s a relatively simple customer management software and payment system, both of which you pick up in no time. He runs you through the pricing list, pulling a laminated form from the top drawer. His filing system for customer accounts is simple and alphabetized.

Neither of you speak about that night again, but oh, do you feel it - the electricity between you when he stands too close or you meet his eyes.

Until lunch he alternates between training you and assisting customers who come in every so often. It's all straightforward, nothing you haven't managed before, and by the afternoon you're already scheduling appointments in the large old-school appointment book he keeps open to the current week.

Despite the passion and intensity in the music he plays, he keeps an even keel throughout his day job. It's almost as if you went to sleep last night and somehow woke up as someone who's worked here for years. Before closing at 5:30 he remembers other things and hands you a packet on the way out. Tax forms, an employment agreement listing the salary and benefits, and a non-disclosure form. Most of it is standard, but you wonder what kind of secrets he needs to protect at an electronics store.

You gather your things and wait outside while he closes down the shop, turning off the lights as he goes. It’s still quite sunny outside and with a shock you realize that there’s nothing waiting for you, now that the work day is done. No papers to write or projects to finish or internship to head to. The idea makes you feel unexpectedly buoyant, and when Jongdae steps out to lock the doors you give him an easy smile.

He returns it, giving you a small one of his own in response. ‘So, I normally take Tuesdays off and keep the shop closed. Wednesdays are normally pretty slow. How does Thursday through Monday sound to you? I know today is Wednesday, so if you wanted to take tomorrow off instead that’s fine with me.’

‘I’m happy to come in tomorrow.’ You want to wince at the eagerness in your voice, but instead you stand firm, holding your purse in front of you with both hands.

Jongdae slides his hands into the pockets of his jacket and nods, looking at you for a long moment before speaking. ‘Sounds great, I’ll see you then.’

You nod at him too, turning back towards the department store to head out to your car. After a beat you look behind you and see he’s still watching. His gaze is unfocused on the floor before he shakes his head, seeming to come back to himself. He heads the opposite direction, towards the movie theater. In a few seconds he’s disappeared behind the pizza place, out of sight.

Jongdae takes the longer route home today. His apartment overlooking Lake Union is the one he grew up in, his grandfather’s place. When he passed away a year ago he left it to Jongdae and it never occurred to him to move. He walks along the water, breathing in the early summer air, wanting to laugh at himself. How long has it been since he let himself be impulsive? To act on instinct. To want something.

He’d settled into a routine these past few years, since everything changed after graduation. Working at the store. Reading. Playing Go and chess with his grandfather and the other older men that lived in the building. They’d go fishing out on the peninsula or to the local symphonies that his grandfather loved. Routine had saved him when his world fell apart once, but now, with his grandfather’s absence, he’s not sure how to pick up the pieces anymore.

The seagulls on the pier are loud today, hungrily gobbling up the bread and Ivar’s french fries tossed to them by the kids gathered around. They giggle and laugh, running to their parents for more offerings. Jongdae frowns for a moment, the sadness that he doesn’t often acknowledge creeping into his heart.

His parents were gone before he really even had a chance to know them. His father to lung cancer, from the awful smoking habit he picked up in the Navy. His mother moved back to Korea to be with her family, unable to cope being in the city without her husband. Jongdae didn’t blame her, but the distance grew and they drifted apart as he became an adult himself.

Jongdae’s father’s father settled here after World War Two, along with a few of his friends. From what he remembers there wasn’t a discussion about it after the funeral - if he’d stay or go back to Korea with his mother. One day when he was young he knew his father had passed. His mother left. And with two duffle bags slung over his shoulders and little Jongdae in his arms his grandfather had moved him into the apartment with the pretty view of the water.

And that’s the way it was, ever since.

In school his friends might have joked that Jongdae was an old man himself. Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle on Sundays, getting his hair cut at the same hole-in-the-wall barber shop in Chinatown as his grandfather, and hanging out with more octogenarians than people his own age. But he loved his grandfather and the two of them were so close that he never stopped to question whether he should change to fit in with the rest of his classmates.

The only aberration came when he started DJ-ing at eighteen. The crowd he fell in with and the partying he did was short lived; they crashed and burned, went up in flames. Everything else faded as quickly as it had come, but the club scene was his escape and it stayed with him.

These days it feels like the only time he recognizes himself, now that his grandfather is gone, too. Until you walked into his store today, that is. You looked him dead in the eyes, unafraid. Just like the night all those weeks ago in the club when you came up to him, flirted with him and challenged him.

He doesn’t know how to move on with his life.

He doesn’t know what’s next.

But wanting you, inviting you into his life, is going to change everything. He knows it in his bones and for once change excites him, instead of frightens him.

June 18th, 1997

For an achingly slow two hours on Thursday the only sounds in the shop are your typing and Jongdae’s tools hitting the metallic insides of the radio he’s fixing. You should be processing yesterday's supply orders. Or cleaning up the books to get everything ready for the days' billing before you make a run to the bank.

But instead you watch in your periphery the way the muscle in Jongdae’s jaw moves when he's focusing. How his brows pull together and his lower lip sticks out slightly, making him look as though he's perpetually pouting. You wonder if you would have gotten along with him in school. If he was always so... uptight. Or if he was freer, looser. Not that you’re the picture of ease yourself, but he seems to almost vibrate with tension.

You watch as he turns back to the computer, his fingers fly across the keyboard and you admire the absolute focus he shows toward the screen in front of him. The past few days he’s handled repairs and projects for businessmen and women, families, and two gentlemen in suits that screamed ‘government’ to you. He could be repairing a nuclear warhead in front of you and you imagine his expression would remain the same.

His standard white button-up shirt bunches around his biceps while he works. A mischievous part of you wonders what it would take to make his robotic exterior crack again. What it would take for him to show joy or anger or arousal. Emotion from him is a precious, rare thing and you want to grab them when they do show, holding them tightly as proof they exist.

You jolt, realizing the unintended destination your thoughts have arrived at. Arousal. Where did that come from? With a cough and a shake of your head you refocus on the financial statements in front of you.

If you hadn't seen him that night at the club you'd have wondered if he ever enjoyed himself. He wasn't smiling that night, but the music and the dancing and the palpable energy seemed to soften the hard lines of his face. You want to see more of that Jongdae, the one that feels so much closer to who he really is, underneath it all.

However he started in this business, in the tech scene, he works away at it as though it's his sole purpose in life. He's clearly talented enough to fix anything, code anything. You’d asked him last week how he knows what to do, as you looked into a complicated mess of wires sticking out of a broken CPU as though it were gibberish.

All he’d said, in a gruff voice, was that his grandfather liked to tinker and take things apart before putting them back together, to see how they worked, and that he’d picked up the habit.

'Why do you work by yourself?' The sound of your voice is much louder than intended, breaking the hush in the store. You want to swallow the words, unsure why you didn't stop them from escaping. Instead you bite the skin on the inside of your cheek and watch as he lifts his head to look at you.

Jongdae raises a brow. 'As opposed to?'

You stop typing and lean back in your chair. 'You could have worked for anyone, I bet. After you graduated college. I’ve heard a few of the rumors about you. It sounds like you could have done anything you wanted. What made you want to start your own business?'

He mirrors your pose. 'What makes you think I went to college?'

You blink. For so long your parents' idea of a prosperous life - good grades, extracurriculars, graduate from a top college, get a lucrative, secure job - had been so ingrained that it surprises you to imagine that someone like him didn't go to school. 'You didn't?'

He smiles, the dimple appearing briefly in his cheek. 'Alright, fine. Yes, I did. I went to M.I.T. and I, uhm, graduated at seventeen.'

'Seventeen?' The competitive drive that buried itself in your bones early on wants to prove itself to him, awed by the size of his intellect.

'With my PhD.' He winces. Just for a moment, but you catch it.

'Oh,' you say with a stunned laugh.

He goes back to work with a quick shake of his head and a sigh. 'Yeah, that right there is why I don't tell people.'

You’re surprised by his assumption that you’d view it as a bad or repulsive fact. 'It's amazing. You should be proud of it. Why would you want to keep that a secret?'

His lip pouts again and irrationally you think about what it would be like to kiss him. 'Because now you'll look at me differently. Like I'm some kind of freak of nature.'

'I don't think it makes you a freak.' Your answer is immediate and emphatic.

'Oh really?' He gives you a side-glance, keeping his tone neutral.

'No, it makes you a genius. And intelligence is never a bad thing. Quite the opposite, in fact.' It does nothing to help the attraction you feel for him. Rather than dousing the flames, it pours gasoline on them.

'Tell that to -' he stops himself, pressing his lips together. The bitterness in his voice makes you jerk back in your seat. ‘Nevermind. It was a long time ago. Forget I said anything.’

But you can fill in the gaps, no stranger to the judgement of others. 'Clearly you need better friends.'

He blinks, vulnerability filling his eyes. 'Like you?' His expression softens and he gives you a half-smile.

You blush, realizing what it must look like that you’re so passionate about defending him. 'Sorry, I didn't - all I mean is that it’s attractive.’ You curse yourself and cough delicately, trying to appear impartial. ‘An attractive quality. I just got my master’s and I thought I was advanced for my age. So I just meant to say… I get it. And you’re not a freak.’

The moment stretches out between you, the air in the space seeming to pause. The muted, reverent silence fills the distance once more. But this time it’s charged, tense. Waiting. He breathes in deeply, the shirt he wears stretching across his chest and yet again you long to touch him. For a beat his gaze drops to your lips and he swallows, opening his mouth to speak.

But he’s interrupted by the door opening. The ding of the motion sensor makes you both jolt, turning to see who it is. An older woman comes in carrying a heavy looking bag. She coughs and leans against the door to rest.

Jongdae bolts up from his desk, clearing his throat. 'Here, let me help with that.'

He bows to her with a warm smile, holding his hands out to take the bag. She nods and Jongdae slings the bag over his shoulder, wincing when it collides with his back. With a gentle arm around her back he helps her into the chair opposite his desk.

'Thank you, young man,' the woman says with a smile.

'Not at all,' Jongdae says, resuming his post on the stool. 'How can I help you today?'

You're certain your mouth has fallen open. To difficult customers he's brief, almost condescending, and for the nice ones he’s reserved and polite, but nothing like this. For over an hour he patiently connects the woman's computer to his power strip and walks her through how to use it.

Again and again he shows her the links and how to work the web browser. Installs a complimentary virus protection program. Makes sure she can find the Solitaire application she loves. And only charges her $20.

But after she leaves the next customer is a businessman dressed in what looks to be a very expensive suit. Jongdae spends the laughably short visit practically sneering at the man. And he charges him at least twice what it says on the pricing list he gave you.

As soon as the door closes you release the laugh you’ve been holding in. 'You know, for someone who runs a business, you seem hell bent on driving some of your customers away.'

He shakes his head, hair falling in his eyes. 'He was a moron. You don't buy the Rolls Royce of computers if you don't know how to drive it.'

'So the only exception here is kind old ladies?'

Jongdae barks out a laugh, meeting your gaze and looking younger than you’ve ever seen him. 'Exactly.'

June 28th, 1997

Moments after you walk out the door for lunch during a bustling Saturday it pings again, announcing yet another customer. This one is probably his scheduled twelve o’clock appointment, Jongade thinks as he looks distractedly at his watch.

He turns to greet them and his entire body recoils. 'What do you want?' Jongdae practically hisses, but he keeps his tone even with all his might.

Since you’ve taken over scheduling Jongdae hardly looks at his calendar anymore. If he’d known Julian Danforth was seeking his help he would have told him to fuck off. Unfortunately Jongdae’s hesitation in talking about his past means you could have no possible idea how much the man standing before him used to matter.

Julian strolls in with a computer in his arms and a smugness on his mouth that Jongdae wants to punch off. His sunglasses are perched on the top of his head and his khaki shorts have neatly pressed lines, clearly not done by the man himself, who drips with privilege.

He'd thought these feelings were long buried, but they roar in Jongdae’s chest. The friendships and the future he almost had are now scattered behind him like a trail of carnage, all the fault of this man. The burn of sadness and embarrassment that fills Jongdae’s stomach was supposed to be gone, relinquished to ashes. But seeing one of his former best friends again Jongdae feels like he's ten years old, stuck in a class with far older students. Young, inexperienced, an outcast.

‘Good afternoon to you as well, old friend.’ Ignoring the daggers Jongdae is staring at him, Julian steps forward, setting the computer down on the desk. 'Like I told the woman on the phone I'm having a problem with some computer virus.'

He says it like it’s a slimy, living thing that had crawled into his machine. Displeasure colors his expression; annoyed at the mere thought that his money and status don’t render him immune from such commonplace problems. ‘You know I don’t trust anyone else with my system.’

After what you did I should smash your computer open. Jongdae doesn't speak as plugs the machine into the power strip he rigged to his desk, not willing to risk what he’ll say.

It's a far more expensive model of computer than most of his clients bring in. Those who purchase such a high end version fall into two camps - enthusiasts like himself who know what they're getting, or the rich and famous who buy them as status symbols and have no clue how to work them. Julian, unfortunately, falls into the latter category.

The computer starts up and Jongdae’s mind goes into work mode, tuning out Julian. The virus has rendered it unusable, only a blur of symbols and lines of code flit across the screen. None of the normal exit keys brings up the desktop. Jongdae purses his lips and slides in the floppy disk he keeps beside his own monitor, an anti-virus he designed.

He leans into muscle memory as he runs through the start up and sets the program to do its job. With any luck the idiot just found some simple malware from some incredibly obvious email spam or downloaded a bug on a porn site. In all social and business sense Julian is a shark; he'd never have fallen for such an obvious scam in real life. But when it came to computers and technology he was hopeless, and thus Jongdae had come into his life years ago.

'How long have you been set up here?' Julian asks with a dismissive glance at the machines and equipment stacked on the shelves.

'Why do you care?' The question comes out harsher than he intends, but the emotion isn't entirely unearned.

Once upon a time he and Julian met in Seattle, after Jongdae was fresh out of M.I.T. and Julian had flunked out of yet another University. They were determined to build a business together. If he had more energy Jongdae would wear this store and his reputation proudly, built from no family connections or money, just his own intelligence and drive. After how thoroughly Julian severed Jongdae’s life he should rub his success in Julian’s face with pride.

Instead he ignores him, determined to move on.

The program finishes its run in rapid time, as though it knows how quickly Jongdae wants this moment to end. The virus dissipates and the desktop loads like normal. He's tempted for a second to indulge his curiosity to see what Julian has been up to. Last he knew Julian had gone to work at his father’s investment bank, dreams of standing on his own cowed by the reality of the world outside of his comfortable bubble. Without Jongdae there’s no way the business and the program held up to scrutiny.

For a second Jongdae stares at the screen, remembering how good it had felt to have found his people. Tech nerds, hungry to build something that would change the world. Julian, who wanted to cast off his father’s legacy and strike out on his own. Julian’s girlfriend Marissa and her soft heart, who wanted to help people. Their friend Albert, with the plan.

Once he knew them so well he hardly knew where he ended and they began. But now, all these years later, they’re strangers.

Jongdae looks up and watches Julian as he absently admires the collection of turntables on the wall behind the desk. He knows Julian well enough to know this might be an act of contrition, his way of bridging the gap he created to reach out the olive branch of friendship once more. But Jongdae’s curiosity already killed the cat once, spectacularly, and he has no desire to repeat the mistake.

He unplugs the machine and watches the screen go dark, shoving it with both hands across the polished wood surface towards Julian. 'There. It's fixed.'

For customers who are far more polite and far less acquainted with Jongdae he might have explained what caused the virus or recommended an anti-virus software or even shared best practices to avoid getting one in the future. But, for Julian, he'll do what he was hired for and nothing more.

Julian stands and clears his throat uncomfortably. 'How much do I owe you?' A hint of guilt as he pulls out his wallet.

The motion reminds Jongdae of vacations to Marissa's family home in the San Juans or partying with Julian, Albert, and the rest of them in Capitol Hill. When they turned on him it was like the sun went out. He managed to take his pride and his love of music and DJing and escape. Once Jongae rebuilt his life the doors to the past firmly closed.

Anger finally peeks through as he waves a dismissive arm at Julian. 'I don't want your money. Not spending a second longer in your company will be all the payment I need.' He stands as well. Their business today is done and he lets his memories of the past fall before him like ashes.

An awkward beat passes between them and finally Julian breaks eye contact. With a nod to the ground he pushes out the door and disappears, carrying his computer.

He breathes out a sigh of relief, folds his arms, annoyed at how his position and his continued presence here in Seattle occasionally brings him into contact with people like Julian. He should have moved, he thinks. Gone to Singapore or Berlin or London or New York. But for some reason, he stayed.

Through the front window he watches you laugh with your friends in the food court and smiles to himself, thinking of how you call him Scrooge. It should unnerve him, how quickly seeing you or speaking to you or simply thinking you makes his day better, more hopeful; chases away the shadows that linger in his mind when he's left alone for too long. No, left alone isn't the right word. When he isolates himself.

Jongdae doesn’t really know you, not yet. But already he wants to make all of your dreams come true, he wants to make them real.

The thought is so sentimental and kind and soft that it brings him up short. He bites the inside of his lip and tries to fight the warm feeling in his chest as he watches you laugh. But as he resumes his work he acknowledges that maybe there was a reason he stayed in Seattle, after all.

The mall is packed during lunch; it’s one of the only days you and your roommates and Hitchcock all work together so you’ve christened it Saturday girl’s lunch time. But Baekhyun and Chanyeol of course crash in, as they always seem to. Loud and raucous and happy. Others from their wide circle of friends drop by to grab slices or to make plans for tonight.

Baekhyun sticks two straws in his nose and makes what are probably very scientifically inaccurate walrus noises. As you laugh so hard you almost snort you can’t help but feel like something is missing. Someone is missing. You look back to the shop, drawn to Jongdae as always.

He works away, resuming his repairs after chasing another customer away with his attitude. You sigh, watching the blonde preppy man carry away his enormous computer, muttering to himself. You rest your foot on the edge of your chair and drop your chin to your knee. From this angle, surrounded by the stark design of the store and the fluorescent lights from above, Jongdae looks like he’s trapped inside of a screen himself.

You bite your lip, debating. He’s made it clear that whatever happened between you at the club isn’t something he will discuss, or repeat. But friendship? Community? You work together five days a week and it wouldn’t kill him to get out of his enclosure once in a while. It’s done you good this month, to be out and about with people. Like you can finally breathe for the first time in a long time. And you decide that it’s high time Jongdae do the same.

Liz and Jane, your roommates, call you ‘determined.’ But they say it in a way that clearly means ‘like a homing missile,’ when you want something. Your nature has served you well; you can cut through the bullshit and figure people out almost instantly. It’s helped you both professionally and personally. Allowed you to know immediately which friendships would last, which ones were worth the effort.

Maybe it’s how Jongdae looks like an island, all alone in the shop. Maybe it’s the large Coke that infused you with far too much caffeine. Maybe it’s your insatiable curiosity. But you can’t keep watching him from afar, not when there’s something you can do about it.

‘I’ll be right back.’ Pulling on your denim jacket, you march over to the store. You lean inside the glass door, holding it open with your shoulder. ‘Hey, you.’

Jongdae looks up at you, confusion tugging his brows together, making him befuddled in the cutest way. You tell yourself to stop thinking of him like that, even if you want to.

He blinks and refocuses on you. ‘Back already?’

‘No, but we’ve got more than enough pizza. Why don’t you join us?’ You grin, making a show of looking around the empty office. ‘It’s finally slowed down, and you deserve a break.’

‘I’m on a deadline with this.’ He gestures to the modem that is scattered around him.

You fold your arms and lean against the door. ‘You can fix that in twenty minutes. I know you.’ He opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it. ‘And before you throw another excuse you should know I’m very persuasive when I want to be. I don’t think you have another option.’

Jongdae barks out a laugh, dropping the tools in his hand to the desk with a thud. ‘Determined to drag me from my lair, huh?’ He holds your gaze, his expression filling with something akin to heat. Finally he gives you a rueful smile. ‘You’re not going to give up on this, are you?’

You meet his eyes and raise a brow, smiling with satisfaction. ‘Nope. Absolutely not.’

The certainty on his face turns into sadness, so fast you can’t be sure it was really there. Then he closes off and he’s quiet, more so than normal. ‘It doesn’t come easily to me.’

Wondering what could have changed so quickly you step forward, letting the door close behind you. ‘What, pizza?’

It shakes you how desperately you want to know. To peel back his skull and see inside his brain, just to understand what makes him tick. His history and where his future is headed. That small voice inside you whispers that once you figure it out, it still won’t make you care less about him.

‘Friends.’ He says it on a gasp. Looking at the floor fixedly, avoiding your eyes, he seems haunted.

The silence surrounds you both and he finally meets your focus again, chewing on the inside of his cheek. The pieces start to come together. He’s intelligent, preternaturally so, and so advanced in school you can’t imagine he’s had much experience with people his own age. And now that he’s in his mid-twenties he’s built himself a fortress. Close enough to the rest of the world, but distinctly separate.

Irrationally you want to reach across the space and wrap his hands in yours. Tug him into your growing group of friends and fix the ache in your chest his expression gives you. Not sympathy and certainly not pity, but some sensation that’s like butterflies in your stomach. But- he’s your boss. You’re not his keeper and you don’t think whatever dangerous emotion lives in you is what would help him.

He’s not yours and you don’t have the right to push, much that you want to.

‘Ah,’ you say. ‘I see. Well, more often than not we have Saturday pizza out there. The offer always stands. I’ll leave you be if you want to be alone, but just -’ you swallow and give him a tentative smile. ‘Just know that we’d be happy to have you join us. I’d be. Uhm. Happy if you joined us.’ It comes out in a rush and you groan.

With a shake of your head, an uncharacteristic gesture of uncertainty and embarrassment, you wave at him and push back out the door into the noise of the mall.

It’s a shame you don’t turn back. Or no, he thinks, it’s better this way. Jongdae feels far too much for you to keep it contained behind his normally stony expression.

You seem like the kind of person who would take that moment of openness and pull on it, until he unravels in front of you. Fear tells him you would take everything and when you're gone he'd be even more alone than before, now that he knows what it's like with you here.

Looking out through the glass he watches you rejoin the lively group. Always he’s felt like a science experiment, or some kind of circus exhibit when he was growing up. If he didn’t have his grandfather’s steady support and gentle guidance he surely would have become even more isolated.

With a shake of his head, he attempts to refocus on the project at hand. For some reason it doesn't fill him up like he wants it to, his usual joy and satisfaction is missing when he picks up the screwdriver once more. This is where he thrives. Computers and the internet and coding.

To other people it's a labyrinth, impossible to figure out. A world and a language they can speak and learn with effort and intention and study. But to him it's always been as easy as breathing.

His grandfather took his skills from the military and parlayed them into a business as a prolific handyman. It was the world they shared. A place where Jongdae’s creativity and his intelligence could soar. Anything he wanted to build or make, he could. Coding a rudimentary game to pass the time after school, when he could hear the neighborhood kids playing soccer outside.

It took him many wonderful places that he wouldn't have been able to reach if he was, for lack of a better word, normal. As a child and even in school it was so easy to hide behind his grades and his projects and the pride and hope of the adults around him. But now, at twenty five, there’s nothing to keep him hidden anymore.

When lunch is over you return and join him with a nod. He hopes you don't regret asking. He nearly hopes you'll try again. Maybe next Saturday.

For how confident he feels in some spaces - DJing at Shari's, here in his ‘lair’ - at the thought of joining a group of friends he feels again like a nervous thirteen year old sitting in his first college course. Like everyone around him knew how to do things he couldn’t comprehend.

He keeps his thoughts and his feelings to himself; he’s already shared more than he planned. But you draw him back into conversation easily enough, asking about the afternoons orders to be picked up. You don't shy away from him or give him an angry offended air. Inexplicably you still look at him warmly, openly, and he wants more than he's dared to let himself want in a very, very long time.

July 11th, 1997

He doesn't normally leave the office at lunch, preferring to eat his meals in his back office alone, but today Jongdae braves the food court.

It’s a Friday not a Saturday, but it’s a start. He makes brief, yet friendly, conversation with Chanyeol at the pizza place. The taller man smiles at Jongdae, easily, as though he doesn’t second guess the action. He asks if Jongdae had caught the Mariner's game over the weekend and they talk about how Griffey might finally lead Seattle to a World Series this year.

For once he doesn't feel like going back to the office and burying his head in his work. Jongdae awkwardly pulls out a chair in the cluster of tables between the bookstore and the record store. As he takes a bite of his pizza he hears a familiar laugh. Turning around he sees you through the glass of the bookstore.

You speak to the woman who owns Greyhame Books, standing beside someone he thinks is possibly called Jane. It all seems so… easy for you. Tucking your hair behind your ear you lean against the counter, discussing the stack of books in front of you with your friends.

Jongdae gives a rare laugh to no one but himself.

When he imagined hiring an accountant and administrator for his flourishing business he thought he'd get someone older. A person with experience and a similar level of wanting to be left alone. They could ignore him and he could ignore them, delegating filing and payments and customer questions and not have to think about them again.

An employee was supposed to reclaim the silence and peace that his work used to bring. Technology is so much simpler and predictable than humans and he’d really prefer to cut other people out of the equation entirely.

But you are the opposite of simple, and you absolutely aren’t someone he can ignore. From the moment he recognized you he knew he had to hire you. With your intensity and your impressive resume and the way your mouth pulls to the side when you’re trying not to smirk.

He doesn't regret it. But he feels raw in a way he hasn't allowed himself to in years. Jongdae doesn't let people get close. Not anymore.

'Hey, Jongdae!'

With a pizza slice halfway to his mouth Jongdae spots Junmyeon approaching, waving, a large Starbucks drink in hand. He wants to turn away and hide in his pizza. He isn't good at this - making friends. For months Junmyeon has asked him to join in their monthly networking events here at the mall, or asked him to get a drink at Flanagan’s after work to chat. Jongdae’s all out of excuses.

He imagines his life as a circuit board. There’s his life now - pieces and wires scattered around him - and there’s the life he could have. If he’s brave and if he tries. He imagines the pieces fitting together and what they might build. He wonders if you might fit in, if you’d want him or let him.

His knee is jiggling and he’s nervous, but he takes a deep breath and waves back. ‘Hey Jun! Want to join me for a bit?’ Jun’s expression is surprised - the man doesn’t know how to keep back any of his emotions. ‘If you have time, I mean. No pressure.’ He stutters, pulse racing and cheeks reddening.

Jun grins and sits down opposite him. ‘Absolutely. About time! I thought you’d turn me down forever,’ he laughs. ‘Thanks again for helping me with that broken radio last month. You’re a pro. So, how’s business?’ He sips his coffee and waits patiently.

They can talk about business, something so easy? Jongdae wants to laugh with relief. Maybe he can do this after all.

Junmyeon is amused.

After ten minutes of talking shop with Jongdae he watches as you and Jane leave the bookstore next to their lunch spot. He’s owned a business two doors down from Jongdae for years, but he’s never seen him smile before. When you pass by it’s like someone flipped on a light switch. Jongdae has always been somewhat quiet, somewhat serious, except when he DJs. Now he sits straighter, his face softens, and his eyes fixate on yours like a magnet.

The two of you claim the other seats at the table, showing off the books you purchased. In between sips of his coffee Junmyeon balances his own flirtation with Jane and observing - okay, spying - on you and Jongdae.

He’s warmed by not just the caffeinated beverage. There’s a soft energy here- It’s a warm summer day and he’s discussing books, one of his all-time favorite topics. His mind whispers the words ‘double date’ and he smiles to himself for a moment before blinking.

“Are you alright?” Jane asks, gently resting her hand on Junmyeon’s wrist on the table.

He blushes and gives her a reassuring nod and asks if she’s read the Octavia Butler book on top of her stack yet. It’s an attempt at distraction and he knows it. But thankfully Jane’s eyes crinkle in the corners when she talks about the author, not pausing or seeming to notice the way he was fantasizing for a beat.

Across from him you and Jongdae are arguing about the merits of Isaac Asmiov. Jongdae is more articulate, more animated, more alive than he’s ever seen him. Gesturing emphatically and saying something about how robots are friends, not foes as you interrupt him by reminding him about Terminator. Neither of you seem to acknowledge the attraction between you. It’s been months since you started working at Chen’s, if Junmyeon remembers correctly.

In his periphery he sees Temptation, the chocolate store, and thinks of how Yixing and his girlfriend met on the job. One of his favorite poems mentions how love mirrors the lover; that everyone falls in love in a way akin to their personality. Yixing, passionate and insatiable and spontaneous, fell for Lavender in minutes and days. He saw what he wanted and after a slight pause to make sure it’s what Lav really wanted, he made the move.

Jongdae is nothing if not the complete opposite. Calculating and reserved and inscrutable.

His potential new friend is falling, if the lingering looks he gives you and the way he’s almost touched your shoulder not once but twice are any indication. But it’s a mystery to Junmyeon if, or when, Jongdae will ever make a move. You aren’t the same kind of romantic as Yixing’s girlfriend, someone playful and open with your emotions. You’re driven and witty and warm in your own way. Clearly you care for Jongdae, but in a quieter sense.

Junmyeon imagines this will be a marathon of love, not a sprint.

Eventually lunch hours end for all of you. There’s clients to see and paperwork to do and as he waves to you and Jane he wonders what will become of you and Jongdae. If you’ll stay as co-workers, always flirting and secretly wondering what might be. Or if either of you will push the other into action. The chess board is laid out, pieces waiting to be moved. It might just be his imagination, but Junmyeon hopes that one of you gets the game going.

He does also, perhaps, focus on you and Jongdae as a way to ignore how his own heart beats a bit faster around Jane. How he can’t stop staring at her dimple when she smiles or the head tilt she gives him when she’s really listening. Like he’s the only person in the world. No, he absolutely doesn’t think about Jane’s feet i n his lap as they both read on the couch in his living room. He doesn’t wonder what it would be like to kiss her or hold her hand. Absolutely not.

Instead he invites Jongdae to the monthly Settlers of Catan night he has with Minseok and some other folks from the mall. Much safer territory than wondering about his own love story and if still waters truly do run deep where he and Jane are concerned.

August 11th, 1997

On a surprisingly rainy yet unsurprisingly dead Monday morning Jongdae forces you away from your insistent attempts to organize his paperwork to the market a few streets over. The quiet bakery on the hill above Pike Place has a view of the misty Sound beyond. He sits close beside you, carefully keeping his knees away, lest he bump yours and you do the same, perhaps letting them linger a moment each time they collide.

It’s nice here, you notice suddenly, as you take the first sip of your coffee. The smell of dark roast and fresh almond scones. The breeze coming in through the open door. The soothing, distant sound of jazz from the overhead speaker. The pleasant warm lighting, far different than the aggressively bland fluorescent kind he chose for Chen's. Everything puts you at ease, wraps around you the way you wish Jongdae’s arms would.

'This place reminds me of Amsterdam.' You smile, looking down into your cappuccino to avoid Jongdae’s eyes.

‘Have you ever been?’ he asks, voice softer than it normally is.

With a shake of your head you trace the edge of the teal and white ceramic cup in front of you. ‘No, but I’ve seen pictures. I used to love photo books growing up. Atlases and travel guides. It’s always been my favorite section of the library.’

He hums for a moment, considering. 'If you could go anywhere in the world, is that where you'd choose?'

Tucking your hair behind your ears you bite your lip to avoid grinning at him. He’s making you remember long-forgotten parts of yourself. Before school and work became the end point, the be-all end-all that your life was funnelled towards. Back when you imagined exploring every country on the planet. Taking photos and making memories. A long time ago, in the days before you realized how expensive it is to actually be a wanderlust-filled adventurer.

Finally you look at him. Something in his irises makes you swallow; an endless, nameless emotion that lives in him you can never seem to place. Elusive and frustrating and tempting all at once.

‘Yes,’ you admit. Voice dry and heart racing you look back to your coffee in avoidance. ‘It’s my dream to travel there. I’m a bit obsessed with it, really.’

'You? Obsessed?' Jongdae smirks, a boyish grin you want to cover with your own mouth.

You roll your eyes, tracing the handle of your mug. 'Hush. It's such a beautiful city with all the canals and the architecture and history, and the food is to die for. Every quaint European city fantasy in one. What about you, have you done much traveling?'

He shakes his head. ‘Not personally. But - my grandfather went everywhere in Europe, after the war.’ His admission is so quiet you almost miss it. But it’s as if your soul is waiting for every crack in the door to Jongdae you can find, and you don’t pass up the opportunity. ‘What was he like?’

It happens sometimes, when you’re working together. The times there’s no customers around and the mall gets empty and you can’t help but be aware of him. Against your skin and with your hands, eyes feasting on him when the rest of you is forbidden from doing so. In the moments when he isn’t putting on airs of being the tech mogul or the reclusive jerk or the awkward, secretly friendly nerd around Jun or Minseok.

Those times when Jongdae meets your eyes and you see the real him, beneath it all. Wanting and alone and scared. Your breath catches in your throat just as it does now and you long to ask him plainly if he feels the way you do. Being honest with your words and not just your jokes or looks out the corner of your eyes when you catch him watching you too.

But those feel too fragile, too dangerous to utter. So instead you ask him about his family, someone close enough to Jo ngdae’s heart to glimpse the core of him; like a sun during an eclipse you can only look for a moment, lest you get burned.

'My grandfather?’ Brows furrow, the corners of his cat-like lips tilting down for a moment. You nod gently, cupping your drink for something to occupy your hands.

Jongdae looks out at the water for a moment, his mouth tugging to the side as he ponders. ‘You know when you finally solve a puzzle you’ve been working on for ages? Hours of struggling to find the right combination and finally it’s all laid out, perfectly in alignment.’

You nod, trying not to smile and ruin the moment, but softened by him nonetheless. ‘Yeah, I know what you mean.’

When his gaze lands on your hands he pauses, like he’s wondering if the two of you might fit in a similar way. But it’s gone before you can grasp onto the moment. Sadness colors his features then. Not the aching kind that gnaws away like a feral monster, leaving nothing in its wake, but the beautiful, bittersweet sadness of a love greater than grief.

His voice is thick when he next speaks. ‘My grandfather was that person for me. We just - fit. He understood me better than my parents did. More than any of my classmates or the few people I’ve ever gone out with. We didn’t even need to speak.’ Jongdae pauses and taps his fingers on the counter.

You give in and reach for his hand, not to hold it - not yet. But to cover it with your own for a moment of understanding, of comfort.

He smiles at you, the crease between his brows disappearing for a moment. ‘He was fifty one years older than me and he was my best friend.’

‘I’ll bet you miss him quite a lot?’ You realize how incredibly inadequate the sentiment is and shake your head, moving to withdraw your hand. ‘Sorry - that’s - of course you miss him.’

But Jongdae doesn’t let you retreat. With his free hand he holds yours in place. Warmth floods your body from the connection point and you’re unable to take your eyes off him. ‘It’s alright, I know what you mean.’ He traces your thumb with a barely there motion, seemingly without intending to. ‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’ You ask, a bit breathless and unable to mind.

‘For always asking. For always listening.’ He says it simply, as though it’s a novel concept. Perhaps, given what you know of his life, who he is, not many people dare to ask. Or bother to listen.

Soon paperwork and customers and regular life draw you back to Chen’s Electronics. He doesn’t mention the way you reached for him and you don’t either. But when you go to leave that afternoon Jongdae holds out your jean jacket for you to slip on. And when you thank him he gives you the soft, secret grin you’ve learned he saves only for you.

On the way home you think that Amsterdam might be the most beautiful city you can imagine, but that it pales in comparison to a hole-in-the-wall cafe in Seattle, as long as Jongdae is seated beside you.

September 9th, 1997

The summer turns into fall and one Monday evening, seemingly without his noticing, Jongdae realizes that his appointment book is full to bursting.

On Tuesday night he's playing Settlers of Catan with Minseok, Bookworm, Kyungsoo, and Junmyeon. They meet up in the food court after the mall closes at nine, second Tuesday of every month.

Wednesday he has lunch with Jun and some other business owners in the mall for their monthly networking/commiserating 'sesh' as Yixing calls it. That afternoon he's promised to help Minseok install the new upgrades to his store's database software that 'make him want to rip out his hair' in exchange for a few coveted LPs Jongdae's had his eyes on for a 70’s/grunge remix set at Shari's.

Thursday night there’s a L.A. Confidential screening at the theater that Baekhyun talked him into, after their argument about whether or not Russel Crowe could actually act or if he was just handsome.

Saturdays are pizza and raucous laughter to break up the busy weekends full of work and clients and deadlines, followed by long nights of DJ-ing and circling you as if you are a sun, drawing him in with the pull of your gravity. He’s merely a comet attracted by the force you give off and he’s not even upset at the realization.

Sehun, Jongin, and Yixing practically bribed him into joining their 'Sunday morning brunch and biceps' workout group, saying that they need a fourth and everyone else is normally sleeping off their hangovers or works the opening shift.

It’s other people’s names all over his schedule, but what he feels is you. Everywhere, all over him. He knows it’s you. Not intentionally, perhaps. But you opened a door for him with your ease and generosity. One Saturday pizza lunch and somehow he’s gotten to know more people in two months at the mall than he had in the years before combined.

You’d wave him off if he mentioned it or thanked you. With that adorable tilt of your head you would smirk and tell him that all he has to do is give people a chance. That they don’t bite.

Irrationally he wants to do things for you - not just as a friend but in the romantic sense - like buy you flowers or have you by his side at Thursday movie screenings or take you to Amsterdam, just to watch you bloom among the flowers. But that would be… crazy, right? He sits in his favorite armchair unable to focus on the book in front of him and runs agitated hands through his hair.

He’s not your boyfriend or your partner. He’s your boss or your co-worker and possibly your friend. Why does he think of holding your hand and walking along the canals of some foreign city every time you look in his direction?

Why does the once-comforting quiet of his apartment feel more and more empty when you’re not laying on the couch across from him, reading and teasing him? Why does he wake up and wish that someone besides himself filled his bed? Someone with your expressions and your joy and your stubborn insistence.

He briefly makes a mental note to ask Yixing how he ended up dating Lavender before suddenly tossing the book to the floor, standing with a groan.

‘What a ridiculous idea!’ he yells aloud to the empty apartment. Jongdae paces circles in the carpet of his living room and wonders if part of being in love is going slightly insane, if everyone who manages to do so finds the madness enjoyable or if love is simply folie à deux?

He looks at his calendar, spread open on his grandfather’s old, wooden desk and tries to comprehend how his life could be so different one year to the next. Like he’s grasping at straws or wisps of air. Aside from work and his grandfather and music, what did he have before? The occasional alumni event or guest lecture at his alma maters?

For a minute his chest feels too full to breathe, unable to let in anything more. Panic tugs at him for a second. It’s too much, all at once - too many people and too many events. Too many opportunities to mess up and these people? He can’t sever his life completely like he did from Julian and his friends. They're so connected to this space he's made his business in. What will happen when he inevitably falls out of favor with them?

He imagines himself shunned and the idea hurts worse than before. Back then he had chosen isolation; to have it thrust unwillingly upon him, unasked, is too much to comprehend.

Once he walked naively into friendship, believing it was easy and that it would last. That there was no rug that would be unceremoniously swept out from under him. But people change, faster than he can believe.

Jongdae sits on the floor, his pajama pants brushing his crossed legs, and forces himself to steady his breathing. These people are not his old friends at Microsoft, he reminds himself. Nor are they the kids in school who teased him, or his classmates in college who resented him or treated him like an annoyance.

Like he’s always practiced, he turns to facts to calm his mind. He’s safe - the apartment is his and he has plenty of money. Not just from his business but from his grandfather’s life insurance. If he wanted to leave - if he was forced to, he thinks he could do it. But something within him howls at the idea of leaving what he has now.

For the first time in ages he has ideas, plans, and dreams for what to do with his life. Now he has people he cares about, people who he trusts to be kind rather than fearing they’ll betray or leave him. You’re at the center of it, if you let him. Determination takes hold of him and doesn’t let go. After a few moments his panic subsides, washed away by the bright promise of a future he’s never dared to imagine before now. Before you.

September 13th, 1997

By the end of your second drink you contemplate being the one to risk it all and ask Jongdae out.

In the months you’ve worked together you stopped seeing him as a challenge and started viewing him instead as the push to your pull. The yang to your yin. The - you sip on your rum and coke and get lost in the tug of his brows and the set of his lips as he spins rather than finding another apt metaphor.

The first time you met him you knew there was something underneath his hard exterior, but you had no idea how correct you’d be proven. Somehow he walks the tightrope between being harsh and being softer than you thought possible. But rather than turn you off you find you’re drawn to his bewildering mix of wry humor, nerdy fixations, and raw emotion. It unlocks all the jagged parts of you that you try to keep so nicely pressed together.

For someone who has been deemed too much to handle finding a man who seems to do it with ease is staggering. He loves your bossy, charismatic nature and your ideas about new things to try at the store. He listens intently when you rattle off obscure facts about your favorite books and movies. He sees your dreams of traveling, of being part of community here, as a complement, not a detriment to your professional career.

A voice startles you. “So when are you going to jump his bones?” Baekhyun is the kind of puppy dog, glowing cheeks, wide-eyed endearing drunk you wish you could hate.

He waggles his brows at you and you snort, shoving him away with your shoulder. “I have zero idea what you’re talking about.”

You weave your way around the perimeter of the dance floor, trying and failing to not fixate on Jongdae with every step.

“Come on. Admit it. You’ve got a thing for the DJ.” His mouth tugs into a smug grin and you groan. “And word on the street is he wants you too.”

“He’s my boss.” The last of your drink burns your throat and you belly up to the bar to order another. “Get real.”

Always a hoe for gossip, Baekhyun leans one elbow against the bar and drops his chin into his hand to watch you. Rather than speak and risk your wrath again he merely looks between you and Jongdae, waiting.

You pride yourself on not giving into temptation for all of ten seconds and then blurt out - “What are you doing?”

Baekhyun presses his lips together to suppress a grin. He raises a finger and holds it up. “You’ll see.”

The bartender is tied up with a group at the far end so you sigh and turn, resting your back against the bar top. With folded arms you observe the club. “We’re about to be abducted by aliens? Jongin’s going to breakdance? Minseok and Bookworm are -”

He clicks his tongue. “So impatient. You two really are a match made in heaven.”

“Me and Jongdae?” If you weren’t already buzzed you’d deny it more. But the permission to speak openly about your feelings for the DJ is too tempting. “You think so?”

Before he can tease you again a motion up ahead catches your focus. Jongdae looks up without tilting his head. His eyes cut to the left, to the two overflowing booths that are filled with the usual crew from the Exodus Mall. With amusement you follow his eye line as he scans the dance floor, looking for something. He never breaks the movement of his hands, spinning the vinyl and working the controls.

Finally his focus lands on you and Baekhyun at the bar. Jongdae’s eyes widen and that unreadable expression settles on his features, no emotion escaping. Your heart picks up, cheeks heating with awareness. There’s nothing to do but hold his gaze for long seconds while the club pulses with life around you. Isolated and together, even across the room.

And then Baekhyun ruins it.

With a comically large wave he smiles at Jongdae. The motion breaks Jongdae’s focus and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head at his friend’s ridiculousness. A smile tugs at his lips and he gives you a look of commiseration and you laugh, reaching over to ruffle Baekhyun’s blonde hair.

The song changes and Jongdae finally looks away. A second later the bartender appears, asking you for your next order. Baekhyun waits patiently beside you, arms folded against the bar, his smugness a tangible thing in the air between you two.

You bite your lip and look at yourself in the mirror behind the bar, visible between the clear shelves of liqueurs and syrups. Could he feel the same way? Does Jongdae imagine holding you, kissing you, being with you the same way you do with him in your unguarded moments?

The two of you already do so much together - work five days a week. Meals alone or with friends. Nights here, separate but still united in the bubble of the dance club. It strikes you just how thin the line is between friends and coworkers and … something more. A four-letter sinful word that starts with L and implies dangerous things like hands touching hands followed by lips and skin and teeth. A different four-letter word full of softness and commitment that has no place being in your mind at the same time as Jongdae’s name.

A hand rests gently on your shoulder. “I told you,” Baek says sincerely. He disappears after waggling his damned eyebrows one more time and leaves you at the bar, wondering.

Half of you wants to confess to him out of genuine affection and desire for connection; you can’t escape the way he makes you long to be reckless and daring and bold and romantic in the kind of grand gesture sense that you’d have rolled your eyes at before you met him. The delicate balance makes your palms sweat and your glass shake slightly as you raise it to your lips. From nerves or excitement or a mix of the two.

You could make the first move, but the logical half of your mind wins out. Instead you swallow your drink in three gulps and head over to the DJ booth to talk to him and nothing more. Close enough to be comforted by his nearness but keeping your desire closeted behind your fear. Tonight that’s all you can manage.

Passing by Yixing and Lavender dancing is a reminder of all the good love can bring. Yixing’s hands holding her close, her arms folded around his neck and their foreheads together. Intimate words are shared that aren’t meant for your ears, even if you could hear them over the sound of the music.

But just beyond is Baekhyun and Hitch. She laughs and dances out of his way as he tries to tickle her. They’re obviously in love to anyone who watches, so why haven’t they admitted it and had a go at being together? Maybe it’s for the best, you wonder. If trying and failing and ruining what you have it worse than never trying at all.

Before you can wander too far down the road of doubt and consequences you remember how it felt to have Jongdae’s hand on top of yours. The thought of tomorrow and the days after disappear altogether when you feel Jongdae’s eyes on you once more, drawing you closer to him, whether he knows his effect on you or not. When you reach the booth you decide to stop thinking in general, and let yourself feel instead.

Saturday night and he's in his element. In the booth, far away from the rest of the crowd but still a part of it. Adrenaline in his veins. Music is Jongdae’s therapy. An alter ego much like the comic book characters he read about growing up. It's the skin he can put on when he's tired of being himself. A place where he can set down the baggage of his identity for a night and get lost in the beats.

He closes his eyes, savoring the pattern of the vinyl beneath his fingertips.

Suddenly, he feels you. Of course you're here. He's never free from you, he thinks with a rueful smile. First you invaded this place, his escape and his temple. Then you wormed your way into his business as though you always belonged there. Now you're occupying his senses the way you occupy his thoughts at all hours.

For a beat he admires you, standing at the bar rolling your eyes while Baekhyun waves dramatically. He drinks you in with a last look at your fabulous legs before reluctantly turning back to switching out one album for the next. Lately you’ve taken to joining him for a bit while he spins and he hopes that once again you’ll come up to the booth tonight.

He's not a patient man, or a subtle one. If he wanted to be rid of you, you'd be gone. Severed with the kind of brutal finality he showed to anyone from his time after M.I.T. There are no second chances as far as he's concerned. But still, you remain. Infuriating, exhilarating. Never far from his consciousness.

'You look like you're having a good time!'

Sooner than expected your voice breaks his trance and he lifts his eyes to look at you. His heart thumps painfully in his chest and he swallows harshly. He doesn't know how you do it - how you effortlessly change to match your surroundings.

One minute you're his office manager, polite and respectful and skilled. Already he sees the business taking shape, becoming more cohesive and smooth beneath your talented mind and heart. And your feisty insistence that he upgrade and finesse his marketing and finally finish putting together a website for Chen’s.

The next minute you're leaning over the edge of the booth, chest coming forward and revealing your neckline. The red is fitting on you. It brings out the natural flush in your cheeks and makes you look perpetually alive. He feels stagnant by comparison, a man of stone who remains unchanging while the world passes him by.

The tumble of hair across your shoulders and the delight in your eyes are so beautiful he wants to reach for you. To reach for more, be more than who he has been - afraid and alone. Bitterness lives in his heart, swatting away anyone who gets too close. But here you are, knocking once more on the door of his being.

He finds his voice, his hands thankfully moving on muscle memory as he drops in the next remix. 'It's good energy tonight,' he fumbles. 'I love this song.' You nod in agreement.

It’s easy, being with you. Together you talk about work and the music he plays and your group of friends. Chanyeol and Bijoux, who finally got together again after what seems like months of back and forth. Bets on how long Minseok will wait before he proposes to Bookworm, now that they’re an official item. Joking about Baekhyun and Hitch like always.

He shows off for you, just a little. Spins 'Scream' by Michael and Janet jackson with a bit more pizazz than usual. It strikes him as amusing how much he always hated being watched before this. Not that many people pay particular attention to him as a DJ, but he thinks he might like the way it feels to be watched by you.

He wants to watch you, too, for as long as you let him. He already can’t take his eyes off you. No matter how much that idea might terrify him. When he drops the next mix and the crowd cheers at ‘Tubthumping’ he gives you a rare broad smile and it's like being punched in the chest when you return it with an unexpectedly shy one of your own.

Jongdae almost invites you into the booth. He sees it as though it were one of the romantic comedies that are so popular right now. You would take your place in front of him. He'd get to rest his hand on top of yours, guiding your movements. Maybe as you got the hang of it he would slide them to hold your hips, keeping your back to his chest as his mouth finds your neck.

Liz invites you to dance and Jongdae wipes the probably awed look off his face with effort. He needs some cold water, immediately.

Friday September 19th

Jongdae is upset about something. It’s not so much that you now seem to be able to pick up his moods with ease, which is true, but the fact that he is nearly tearing his hair out. A piece of paper sits in front of him on the desk but it’s too far away for you to read.

By the time he groans for the fifth time you finally speak up. ‘Are you alright?’

His head jerks up and his eyes are tired when they meet yours. Not ‘it’s been a long week’ tired, but something sad in his expression that makes him look fragile and younger than his years.

For a moment he shakes his head. Then he picks up the paper and waves it in the air, opening and closing his mouth in rapid succession. The confusion on his normally self-assured face would be comical if it wasn’t such an obviously distressing situation. Finally he drops the paper and leans back in his chair, rubbing a hand along his jaw.

‘I just got word that they’re demolishing the apartment building I live in. I have to move by November 1st.’

Instantly you want to hug him or hold his hand. ‘Your grandfather’s apartment?’

Jongdae nods. ‘They’re tearing it down so they can put in some luxury condos. Yet another classic neighborhood about to be wiped out in the name of progress.’ He sighs, looking at the ceiling to compose himself. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so-’

‘No, it’s -’ you start, unsure of your destination. ‘It’s an important place. And it’s your home. Don’t apologize for being pissed off about it.’

He nods, taken aback. ‘Exactly. It’s where I grew up. I’ve also never had to look for an apartment or move, either. So this will be dreadful.’

You bite the inside of your cheek. The offer to help practically leaps from your mouth and you hold it close for a moment, making sure you don’t rush into something that’s out of your depth. But as always your logic overrules your fear.

‘I could help, if you like?’ He’s just your boss slash co-worker. It’s innocent. It’s harmless, right? ‘I’ve moved so often with school and everything. I know my way around the city.’

In the ensuing pause Jongdae’s solemnity returns, his mouth and the lines of his face don’t give away any emotion. But, as always, he holds you in place with his expression. And his eyes have that fire within that he seems to only show to you. ‘That would be wonderful, thank you.’

You nod, case closed. Turning back to your computer you lie to yourself further, pretending not to notice how his voice lowered. As though he knew you weren’t just offering for help with his living situation. But something more raw and painful that he isn’t prepared to hold on his own just yet.

For how picky you thought you were about apartments, Jongdae has you beat by a mile. Student housing accustomed you to wonky flooring and cramped kitchens and the charming yet ancient windows on many older Seattle homes. But his grandfather’s gorgeous pre-war unit had made Jongdae’s tastes quite particular.

On Tuesdays and on weekends you pulled up listings and showed Jongdae around the city by way of it’s apartments, condos, and houses. He enjoyed the nature surrounding Greenlake, the affordable houses north of UW in Ravenna, and the vibe of Ballard and Fremont. But he ruled anything north of 520 out quickly as ‘too far from the store.’ The luxury of walking to work on nicer days was something he wasn’t willing to part with.

The same unfortunately ruled out a townhouse in Alki that you had salivated over, a block from the beach. Pioneer Square had some great lofts that would have been perfect for a music-lover like Jongdae, but he vetoed those as well. Along with all the trendy industrial lofts near the stadiums, claiming he hated all the construction going on nearby.

It should have been frustrating, to spend endless hours watching him nix perfectly wonderful places. In Queen Anne he hated the hills. Westlake he disliked the mall. Madrona, Leschi, Montlake, Magnolia, and Lake Union all came close but still he shook his head and said ‘thanks, but no thanks’ to landlord after landlord.

It should have driven you mad, but all it did was make you like him more.

Falling in love with Jongdae isn’t what you had planned. But from the first night you saw him at the club some part of you knew it was inevitable, the way the rain in autumn starts off as a light drizzle and before you know it becomes a torrential downpour, blanketing the city and saturating every exposed corner.

He always brought you coffee and insisted on buying breakfast or lunch. He always picked you up, right on time. Held doors and made sure he didn’t walk too fast and did the thing where his arm hovered over your back when the two of you were in crowded spaces. Not touching, but close enough you could feel him protecting you. On anyone else you would have absolutely hated that, but of course from him, you craved it.

Day after day you listened to music in his car as the two of you drove around little neighborhoods hoping to find something, complaining about how tight and ridiculous the parking situation always is. Joking about your friends or the news or the latest books you’re reading. They hardly felt like dates. No, they felt like something even more insidious. Like being in a relationship with him. Easy and warm and friendly and the kind of thing you could get used to.

But eventually it had to end, before it seemed like either of you were ready.

On a surprisingly warm Tuesday in October the two of you walk into a place that no one could object to. The building is in south Capitol Hill, close to Cal Anderson and only a fifteen or twenty minute walk from the mall. It’s designed in the classic Victorian style of the neighborhood, but was completed just three years ago. Small pane windows and a fireplace with a carved mantle and dark spires on the roof, all with brand new insulation and appliances.

Sunlight floods the corner unit on the top floor and you gasped as soon as the door opened. Jongdae stands beside you as the landlord goes over the details of the square footage and the building amenities, but neither of you are listening anymore.

‘What do you think?’ he asks softly. The five-story building sits on a slight hill and overlooks the rest of downtown, with a partial water view around the tall downtown skyscrapers.

‘I think it’s as close to perfect as you’re going to get.’

He moves closer and rests his palms on the window sill, looking around for a moment before turning his head to watch you. ‘Good.’

After a long pause Jongdae pushes off the windows and politely interrupts the landlord, who is currently opening every single cabinet in the kitchen and giving a detailed run down of his wife’s favorite tupperware, asking about the deposit. The way he phrased it along with the attentive way he waited for your approval makes you wonder if he wasn’t just picking this apartment for himself.

Imagining yourself there scares you. If he was seeking your opinion… surely he would be hoping you’d come over? Neither of you have spoken a word about the bizarre yet undeniable attraction you have, but that hardly forms the basis of a relationship. A boyfriend who wanted to be sure you liked his new place would be one thing, but your friend and co-worker who has never admitted to even liking you is quite another.

You lean against the edge of the window and run a finger along the ledge. A small part of you whispers that you’re supposed to be doing something else, eventually. You won’t work at Chen’s forever, but it wasn’t meant to be this hard to leave. It’s just a stop on the way to your final destination. So why do you want to get off the train altogether and make a home here?

Would it be so terrible, to be with him? It’s been a fantasy for so long that imagining real life with him makes you suck in a breath as though you’ve been punched in the gut. It could be a fresh start for you both. The end of one adventure and the beginning of a new one. You remind yourself that being in love doesn’t mean you can’t travel or change the world. Being with Jongdae would hopefully only encourage your dreams, not stifle them.

As they discuss deposit and applications and timelines for moving into the apartment you wander into the other rooms.

The bathroom has a large tub and dual sinks. You can only imagine what your expression must be like right now, given your swirling emotions, and avoid the mirror altogether. The second bedroom is more like a cozy office, narrow enough for a desk and a couch and perhaps some bookshelves. In the bedroom you hesitate at the doorway, reaching up to play with the pendant of your necklace.

Windows run along both sides, meeting in a corner. You think of plants lining the wide ledges and going to sleep with the setting westward sun and how short of a walk it would be to get breakfast from your favorite bagel shop that’s just a block away. It’s close to the mall and the club. It’s truly perfect.

As you watch cars pass and people walk by down below you space out, the image blurring and becoming Jongdae on a bed in this room, leaning back against the pillows with a book in his lap. Smiling at you and pulling you close since he knows you refuse to get up earlier than you have to on your days off.

Inexplicably you want to cry and you huff out a laugh, squeezing your eyes tightly only to find that they’re damp. It’s not anger that the vision inspires in you or even sadness. It’s frustration and amusement that war inside you as you think about how you fell in love with him without your consent. Rational thinking should have stopped this long ago, but all you can think as you stand there is how nice it is to be with him. And how you wouldn’t mind being with him for a long while.

The only thing that helps ease the tension in your chest is how he looks at you on the drive back to your place. You fill the time with discussions of moving trucks and hiring a company to help with the heavy lifting, but you’re both clearly distracted by other thoughts. He pulls his car up to your apartment and you try to avoid looking at him as you say goodbye, but he briefly rests his hand on your knee to get your attention.

Your hand stops in its motion to grab your bag and ends up nearly on top of his, but you make no movement to break the contact. ‘Thank you,’ he says softly. ‘I mean it.’ Jongdae turns his hand and holds yours, giving it a quick squeeze and looking like he never wants to let go.

October 12th, 1997

You’re eating cheesy bread at Barada with Hitch, but today she’s different - evasive and nervous in a strange way. 'So I - uhh. I have news,' she finally says. She sips her drink and looks at the table rather than at you. 'I don't know if I should tell you though.'

Pausing in your chewing you raise a brow. 'You can tell me anything, you know that.'

She awkwardly runs a hand along her neck. 'No I know. I just -' she huffs out a breath and blows her hair off her forehead..

'You and Baekhyun finally had sex and you're pregnant?' You smirk at her as she chokes on her soda. 'Come on, just spit it out.'

She waves and hand and very quickly says - 'There's a project manager position open in the gaming division. Some new big thing and they're looking for an upstart to head up operations.'

You frown and tear off another slide of bread, not understanding her odd behavior at all. 'Okay… and you're thinking what, thinking of applying?'

'No, you dork. I'm thinking you should apply.' She tilts her head like she assumed your reaction would be more immediate. 'You wanted me to keep an eye out for you, right? I didn't want to say anything since - '

'Since?' you ask, both afraid of what she'll say and dying to know. Terrified it will have to do with Jongdae and the swirling mess of feelings you have for him.

It’s her turn to be wry. 'Since you and Jongdae have been attached at the hip.'

'Really?' You stall, taking an enormous bite.

Hitch tosses a balled-up napkin at you. 'Yes. When I met you in college I thought 'there goes the most intense person I've ever met.’ And then I met Jongdae after he opened Chen’s and he gave you a run for your money.' She dusts off her hands. 'You both could be making millions someday. Taking over countries or saving the world or something. We all know it. I don't know, I didn’t want to mention this because together you guys seem happier. Softer? Something like that..'

'And you think me getting a job there would ruin that?' Her words mirror your fears exactly and your stomach drops.

'It's taken me years to get Jongdae to even look at me after I told him where I worked. He hates Microsoft. With good reason, from what you've implied. I'm sure you could make it work, but trust me when I say if you get swept up into that upper management spiral, we probably won't see you again.'

'I won't completely abandon you guys just because I get a new job.' But doubt whispers in your mind. The long hours and the endless meetings and the extra work to always be the best, to always be ahead. 'Okay fine, I see your point. I still have to try, right? I should at least apply.'

She rests her hand over yours where you have your napkin in a death grip on the table. 'You don't have to do anything, babe. We'll always be here for you even if you become a tech mogul overnight. But will it make you happy? Whatever comes next... do it for yourself, okay? Not just cause you think you should.'

You smile and hold her hand for a moment, wrinkling your nose. 'Thank you, Hitch. I needed that. What about you? You said you were going to apply for that transfer to the NYC office, are you still considering it?'

She blows out a deep breath and pulls her hand back, dropping her forehead to it for a moment. 'God, I don't know. My whole life is here. And I'd have to leave the theater.' She rests her chin on her palm and looks up at you with a dramatic frown. 'My friends are all here. My family. I love where I'm at, but I know that something eventually has to change.'

'Baekhyun?' You grin at her, wondering if the move might finally force them to admit their feelings.

Hitch straightens and looks across the food court to the movie theater. 'Yeah, something like that.' She gives you a dramatic waggle of her brow. 'Jongdae?'

You groan and fold your arms, sinking lower into your seat. Even your roommates ask about him now. Everyone can surely see how you light up around him. The way you gravitate towards the DJ booth on club nights like a moth to a flame. The way you draw him into conversations and brag about him. It should be forbidden territory, as untouchable and unreadable as he is. Not to mention he's your boss.

But worst of all he still hasn't said anything about it, nothing more than the occasional flirtatious comment or lingering look. Even after all your time together and the way he looked at you in the new apartment. For all you know he sees you as a very stubborn employee who happens to force your way into things.

You cover your face with your hands and sigh. 'Something like that.'

Hitchcock stands and takes your shared tray of dishes to the bus station with a throaty laugh. 'That's what I thought.'

November 1st, 1997

Jongdae is frantically packing up more of his bookshelf when the doorbell rings. He smiles on instinct. It's not something he can help anymore, not when he knows it's you on the other side. Right at nine in the morning, just when you promised the movers would be here. With a last look around his living room at the organized chaos he wipes his hands on his sweatpants and stands.

It surprised him how quickly you agreed to help with - well, everything, really.

When he told you about his move he didn’t expect anything would come of it. It's his problem, not yours. He didn't imagine for a moment you'd give the announcement more attention than a sympathetic word or two. But you stepped to his side. Put up with his grouchy persistence in believing that there's no place in the world, let alone in Seattle, that would be as amazing as this apartment. As it always seems with you, he found himself proven wrong.

You didn't let him wallow and guided him with your decisiveness through the checklist of everything he'd need to do. A few months ago he would have waved you off. Decided you were being bossy or nosy and turned down the help with a cold shoulder.

But now he wants you around for everything and the thought makes him pause with his hand on the doorknob.

He made sure you like his new apartment too because - when he isn't expecting it he imagines you there. Not just as his co-worker or employee or even as his friend. As someone more permanent. Lasting. It's not that he needs you to run his life for him, he's perfectly capable of doing things on his own. It's just that he loves how you barge your way into his world and refuse to let him be alone.

Jongdae doesn't know how yet, but he wants to show you how he feels in return. It's like trying to run with a blindfold on, but he desperately hopes that he can figure out how to care about you in the way you deserve. Bringing you coffee and asking about your day and giving you all the freedom you want at work are a start, but they barely scratch the surface of how much he feels for you.

He's got one idea. A big one. An insane one, that you'll probably call him nuts for suggesting. If he ever gets up the nerve someday.

The buzzer sounds again and he shakes himself out of it. Finally he pulls it open and is greeted by your smiling face in the morning gray light. Hair pulled back in a ponytail and dressed in a long black shirt and faded overalls. He leans against the doorframe, wondering if he's ever seen anything more beautiful than you on his doorstep.

'So, I have a surprise,' you start. With a free hand you nervously brush your hair behind your ear. It's so unlike you that he immediately wonders if something is wrong.

'What is it?'

Before you can answer, noise in the parking lot draws his focus. His front door faces the open-air walkway that leads to the stairs down to the parking lot. He expected a moving truck and several buff men in logoed shirts. Instead it's a scrappy group of your friends - his friends now, he supposes - looking tired but ready to help.

Junmyeon and Jane drink coffee and pull furniture dollys and heavy blankets out of a Uhaul truck. Liz and Jongin are leaning against the cab of Sehun's car and laugh at him as he and Yixing sleep peacefully in the backseat. Chanyeol and his girlfriend are paused on the landing below making out, a tape gun in each of their hands. Another car catches a break in the flow of traffic and pulls into one of the guest spaces. Minseok and Bookworm step out and yawn, tying sweatshirts around their waists.

Jongdae repeats his question. Or at least he tries to, but emotion catches his throat and all he can do is stare at you with a mix of surprise and what he's sure is a very naked expression of affection.

'How did you do this?' he asks when he can finally breathe again.

You tilt your head and grin at him, pride making you radiant even in the dull mist of the morning. 'Is this okay?' For a moment you look worried, tucking your hands in the pockets of your overalls and taking a step back.

'I know I said I'd hire the movers, but I thought this might be better? I didn't think everyone would be here, especially after the Halloween party last night. Soo and Sunshine are working, but I think - wait,' you turn and yell down to the group in the lot. 'Has anyone heard from Baek and Hitch?'

Chanyeol reluctantly pulls away from his girlfriend and replies. 'Yeah, he messaged me at the ass-crack of dawn. He said he and Hitch are fine, but they won't be able to make it until later.'

With a curious look you thank Chanyeol and turn back to Jongdae. 'Okay, so almost everyone came.'

'It's because you're incredible,' he agrees, heart warm and in awe of you. Stepping back, he shoves the door stop in with his foot to prop it open and gestures for you to come in.

He doesn't get two steps before your hand finds his bicep, stopping him. 'No, I'm just absolutely amazing at organizing things,' you laugh. ‘But they didn't just come for me Jongdae, they came because they're your friends. They wanted to help.'

The intensity in your voice makes him pause. Like you're trying to say far more than your words. He gets lost for a moment in your beautiful eyes and swallows harshly. His past, the negative parts, haven't come up much - his failed first business, the trail of broken friendships he's left behind him, the ensuing guard he's had up since - but you've paid far more attention than he realized.

He doesn't miss the meaning behind your words, or the look in your eyes; what you're asking of him. To trust you, to trust them. To release his death grip on the walls he keeps up to protect himself. But no matter how determined you are he knows he has to be the one to dismantle them. His heart is nervous and he instead focuses on your hand on his arm.

For a beat he wants to kiss you, then and there with almost all of his and your friends just outside. Instead he lets his actions speak when his mouth isn't able to and pulls you into a hug. You freeze for a moment, stiff with surprise. But after a moment it melts away and you hold him back, wrapping your arms around his waist. His head spins when you rest your forehead against his shoulder, unable to process the fact that you’re in his arms in reality, not just his dreams.

'You're the most amazing person,' he murmurs against your hair.

The sound of loud voices and thumping of boots on stairs make him pull back. You give him another smile, warmer and softer this time. Something that's private for him only. 'I know.'

He barks out a laugh as Sehun and Jongin come in through the doorway. 'Let's do this!' Sehun calls, clapping his hands together.

'We promise we won't steal anything,' Jongin jokes, looking around Jongdae's place with obvious fascination.

Bijoux organizes the packing party while Chanyeol grabs Jongdae's keys so he and Sehun can take the first load of boxes over to the new place while Junmyeon, Jongin, and Jongdae load up the bigger furniture pieces into the Uhaul. Jongdae lets out a rusty laugh as Junmyeon dubs them ‘the J squad.’ You work around them, collecting all the random trinkets and knicknacks that have escaped other boxes.

He closed Chen’s today to hopefully knock this entire project out in one swoop. Ripping it off like a Bandaid. After the first big load everyone splits up into teams. Sehun and Yixing pack and load the rest of the boxes and smaller items into the cars. Jongin, who is absolutely not trusted around breakable items, goes with Junmyeon to return the Uhaul to the rental shop and pick up lunch and drinks for everyone with the cash Jongdae insisted they take.

And Minseok leads everyone else on a cleaning checklist he’s created with military precision. It's been so long Jongdae doesn't even know if he has a damage deposit. His grandfather took excellent care of the place and he kept it up in his absence, so he hopes it's not too much work to tidy.

Yixing’s boombox keeps up a steady flow of music throughout the morning and lunch time. With everyone’s help, and of course with the added fuel from the pizza and beverages, things are just wrapping up at the old place. You stay behind with Jongdae to take a last look around and turn in the keys, forcing him to take a few photos in the space to remember it.

‘This is it, I guess,’ he says, holding out the key and laying it on the kitchen counter with a small metallic sound.

‘How do you feel?’ You lean your hip against the fridge and drink from a water bottle.

Sunset over Lake Union is his favorite time of day and it’s hard to stand the thought of missing out on a last one. It’s barely two in the afternoon and it’s hours until golden hour. Rather than lie he simply says the truth. ‘I wish I could see the sun go down one last time.’

You come and stand next to him, close enough he can smell the light scent of your perfume and see the flush of your chest from the day’s exertion. ‘We can wait.’

He thinks of everyone at his new place, unloading boxes. ‘But everyone-’

‘Jongdae,’ you start. ‘They’ll be fine. You know Sehun has probably fallen asleep on your couch already. Baek and Hitch and the openers from Barada will be heading over soon. Some people have to head out for closing shifts but it’s already been decided that we’re doing movie night and Chinese take out tonight at your new place.’

‘Oh really?’ He presses his lips together to try not to laugh.

‘I don’t think you have much of a choice,’ you tease. ‘Trust me, they’ll be fine for another few hours.’

‘Alright then,’ he says after a pause.

The two of you sit on the bare hardwood floors and talk until the sun finally sets, just before five pm. He doesn’t yell his feelings for you at full volume like he wishes he could. He doesn’t dance with you or kiss you slowly in the empty apartment, there’s far too many emotions in his heart today to try and cope with more. But after he locks up and leaves the keys behind he does take your hand to help you into the car. And he does hold it for far longer than necessary before pulling back to shut the door.

It’s not much, but like his new apartment it’s the start of something.

November 3rd, 1997

You’ve got to tell Jongdae now, but nerves eat away at you and your resolve lessens minute by minute. Since the move he’s been warmer, more open, and you don’t want to ruin that. But you can’t keep this from him any longer.

Applying at Microsoft was supposed to be a long shot, a shot in the dark, or some other kind of shot that never meant to lead anywhere. But still it’s one you took and one that ended up paying off way faster and more successfully than you’d planned. After two interviews last week you sit with a job offer on your answering machine back home and a choice to make.

They need your decision by tomorrow and as Monday winds into early afternoon your deadline approaches. You bite your lip and vacillate wildly between thoughts. On the one hand this could be a good thing - if you’re no longer working at the same place, there’s nothing stopping the two of you from being together, right?

But what if Jongdae can’t see past his hurt and freaks out, assuming you’re leaving him like everyone else has? Or worse, what if he never cared about you that way at all?

Your stomach drops at the thought of walking out of here into your dream job, but feeling empty, leaving behind someone who has come to mean so much to you.

Your roommates Liz and Jane, Hitch, hell even Baekhyun weaseled the truth out of you at Shari’s on Saturday. Stone cold sober and still you let out everything to him sitting in your group’s favorite booth. About how you might in fact love Jongdae and how badly you want this opportunity, how utterly terrifying and exhilarating change can be simultaneously.

None of them told you to choose one way or the other. They didn’t say ‘take the job’ or ‘turn down the job,’ they all said that the decision is one only you can make and that they’d support you no matter what you picked. And maybe each time you cried a little and all of them were good enough friends to just hug you and not mention it.

But all of them told you one thing that now sits lodged in your throat. Whatever else happens, you both deserve to know. Jongdae deserves the truth about what you’re considering, and you deserve to finally know once and for all how he feels about you and what he wants.

After he locks the doors and starts cleaning up, you rise, holding your hands behind your back so tightly your knuckles are most assuredly white. ‘Hey, can we talk for a minute?’

Jongdae nods. ‘Of course. I’ve got something I wanted to discuss with you as well, actually. But you go first.’ He folds his arms and leans against his desk, giving you that affectionate close-lipped smile of his. You desperately hope what you’re about to say doesn’t wipe it off his face.

Not one to beat around the bush you dive in. ‘I applied for another job.’ The words sound blunt and harsh. You swallow and try again, hating how his brow furrows in confusion. ‘Not because I don’t like it here. But Hitch told me about an opening and it sounded - sounds perfect for what I want to do in the long run. It’s on the new gaming system division… at Microsoft.’

He doesn’t say anything for a long pause. Instead of meeting your eyes his have dropped to the ground and you wish you could reach out and touch him. Anything to make sure he hears you, understands you. But a whisper of fear makes you keep quiet, worrying the connection you had wasn’t meant to last, if something so trivial could break it.

‘I thought you were happy here,’ he says finally.

You hold your hands out in front of you, palms up in a gesture of entreaty. ‘I do, Jongdae. It’s not that at all. I thought this might - be good for us. If we’re not working together, then -’

When he finally looks up his gaze is distant, his mouth a thin line. The shutters have fallen over his face. ‘By going to work at the one place I despise?’

Anger makes your skin hot and you fold your arms as well, in defiance. ‘But you talk to Hitch and Baekhyun? They haven’t turned into the devil incarnate yet.’

He gives a quick, harsh shrug. ‘I like them both, sure. But being friends is one thing. This is quite another.’

It’s almost a declaration, yet so far from how you dreamed this moment might go. ‘What are you saying, Jongdae?’ You need to hear it. After so many weeks of trying you need him to at least do you the courtesy of speaking it out loud.

‘You know how I feel about you.’ There’s hope in his eyes. But it’s so buried amongst hurt and suspicion it’s not even close to reassuring. ‘I want you to stay. Here.’ With me, he doesn’t say, but you feel it.

Nothing drives you more up the wall than being told what to do. His words fall against your own shield and the plea within goes unnoticed. ‘Would you really shut me off if I took this job? Does hating them mean more than wanting what’s best for me?’ You finally step forward, reaching a hand for his arm.

‘I’ve supported you in everything,’ you start, unable to stop now that you’ve started. ‘In finding community here. In your move. Even in the business, who was the one who pushed you to keep growing? I don’t intend to stop being there for you, but I need you to support me in this. Please.’

He just watches you, not saying a word. The clock on the wall ticks loudly in the silence. People outside the glass doors go about their day, shopping or getting an early dinner, unaware of the standoff taking place merely feet from them. You wonder what it would take to make his guard truly ever come down.

With how quickly it snapped back into place you feel tired all the way down to your bones. Maybe it will never be enough, even if you did stay here forever.

‘I’ll pay out your PTO in these next two weeks,’ he says softly. ‘No need to come back into the office. If that works for you?’ His last statement is thrown on as a hasty addendum. Like he’d realized how harsh it sounded and he wanted to dull the sting. It’s a sliver of kindness, a glimpse at the man he almost allowed himself to be. But it’s not enough.

‘Fine with me.’ You move past him, into the supply room to grab your purse and jacket, proud of the way your voice doesn’t waver. Pausing in the hallway you turn to look back at him, still frozen against his desk. ‘I’m leaving this job, I’m not leaving you.’

He turns to look at you, running a hand through his hair and messing up the ends. ‘It will go the same way, I know it. In the end you’ll disappear too.’

‘Jongdae, I’m trying. I need you to at least meet me halfway.’

You don’t wait for his reply, if one was ever even going to come. Instead you continue down the small hallway and push out the back door into the mall. It’s only once you’re in your car that you remember he mentioned something he wanted to discuss. You wonder what it was, and if you’ll ever find out.

Jongdae stares after you for long seconds after you’re gone. He doesn’t hold out hope that you’ll come back, not after the way he treated you. Instead he feels stuck in place, like if he holds his breath and doesn’t exhale then the last five minutes didn’t happen.

But his lungs burn and his chest aches, and when he finally sighs it comes out ragged. He fumbles for the switch and the store descends into darkness. Shafts of light still come through, angled in from the glass ceiling of the mall’s concourse. Jongdae stands just outside of it, protected. With no one to see he sinks into his desk chair and drops his head into his hands.

The tears that clog his throat are at first unexpected, but as the minutes drag on he finally gives into them. He should have known they were coming all along. Not just from the moment you walked into his life, but from the day his grandfather died. From the day his father passed and his mother became a ghost rather than a permanent, tangible figure.

From the day Julian took Jongdae’s designs and credited them as his own to the investors, cutting Jongdae out of not only the business they were building, but out of their group of friends as well.

Misery and hopelessness whisper against his skin and for long minutes he lets himself wallow. He knows it’s no one’s fault but his own that he ruined things with you. His grandfather taught him long ago that other’s actions are theirs, and that it’s what Jongdae does in response that is his responsibility. But he can’t deny that he indulges in thoughts of blaming the cruelty of life for making him so goddamn stubborn.

He swallows and leans back in his chair, feeling as though his body is made of hard, unyielding stone. Maybe it's better this way, he wonders, drumming his fingers on the wood desk before him. Perhaps he should let his worst fears dominate his life, believing that the risk is far greater than any potential reward that love or friendship could offer him.

Is it better to be alone, knowing that he’ll always be safe, free of anyone who might hurt him?

Jongdae groans. The voice inside him that whispers No sounds first like his grandfather, both encouraging and feisty at the thought of Jongdae giving up. Next it sounds like you. He knows you’d roll your eyes and call him grouchy, always thinking better of him than he does of himself. You’d tell him his bark is far worse than his bite and to get over himself already. At this thought, at any thought of you, really, he smiles.

Familiar voices make him look out into the mall. Sehun and Jongin walk by carrying sodas, rubbing their stomachs. He can imagine how they’re complaining about eating too much Barada pizza, as always.

They pass by quickly but the image stays with him, of their friendship. Jongdae thinks of Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s, how opposite and yet how similar they are. Baekhyun and Hitch, who are always teasing each other but who he knows would do anything at the drop of a hat.

He’s held himself back the past few months. First a reluctant observer. Then a tentative participant. The endless exhaustion of being careful, keeping his distance, catches up to Jongdae as he sits in that chair. If it weren’t for you maybe he’d never be brave enough to try again after how hard it was growing up. But if he is to be the kind of person, the kind of partner you deserve, now is the time to make the attempt.

It’s up to Jongdae to be the one to try, to reach out. He can’t let others find him anymore. For the first time in a long time Jongdae stands up and goes looking for a friend.

Junmyeon still has an hour before his store closes and he looks up at Jongdae as he walks in through the door of Guardians. ‘Hey, JD! How’s it going?’ If he notices that Jongdae’s been crying, he’s kind enough to not mention it.

‘Are you busy?’ Jongdae’s throat is raw but Jun has a young son, surely tears won’t bother him.

‘Not really, I’m just organizing some shipments going out tomorrow,’ Junmyeon answers. He sets down his pencil and rests his hands on the counter. A crease forms between his brows the longer he watches Jongdae. ‘Is everything alright?’

He wants to do this right, but all he can find are inelegant words. Junmyeon is as close as he has to a best friend at the moment, and he hopes he doesn’t inconvenience him. ‘Not really.’

Jun tilts his head and gestures to the door, picking up Jongdae’s unspoken request and running with it, just like he’d hoped he would. ‘I can close up shop a bit early. Want to talk in my office?’

Jongdae runs a hand over his face and nods. Grateful and relieved he manages a small laugh. ‘That would be great, thanks.’

After Jun locks the doors and flips the sign to closed he motions for Jongdae to follow him. The back room of Guardians is much warmer that at Chen’s Electronics, in style rather than temperature. Jongdae sits on a beige sofa that’s even more comfortable than it looks. The walls are filled with framed photos and art prints and various other pieces that give the space an art gallery vibe.

With a sigh Junmyeon tidies up the mess of papers and crayons and various cups with kid lids. ‘Sorry, Sungmin loves to draw but we haven’t quite nailed the clean up yet.’

‘Don’t worry about it on my behalf,’ Jongdae says sincerely. ‘I’m just grateful you’re willing to listen.’

The space has a narrow hallway leading to a back door and a closet that’s probably full of supplies, much like Jongdae’s store. Jun takes the cups to a small sink in the mini-kitchen in the corner. His brow lifts in confusion. ‘Why wouldn’t I? We’re friends, right?’

Could it be that simple? No need to prove himself or do everything possible to impress Junmyeon, like he did with Julian. ‘Yeah, we are I suppose.’ He laughs and shakes his head. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to imply I don’t consider us friends, I just - well, have a few trust issues when it comes to that sort of thing.’

Junmyeon dries his hands on a dishtowel and blows his hair off his forehead with a huffed laugh. ‘We’ve all got a few issues, don’t we?’ He moves to the table and takes a seat, sliding a glass of water towards Jongdae and sipping from one of his own. ‘I’ve got the time. So quit stalling and tell me about yours.’

He sags into the couch and drinks from the glass. ‘Alright then.’

For once he doesn’t second guess himself or try to read the minutiae of Jun’s expressions to see if he’s annoying him or being too boring. Jongdae simply tells him the truth, trusting his friend to listen.

He mentions his family and how hard it hit him when his grandfather passed. How strange and yet unbothered he is by the lack of relationship with his mother. The way he was teased growing up and how he was probably the only person in his Master’s program going through puberty. The fact that the mall is the first place he’s ever had friends his own age since childhood.

It’s satisfying to see how pissed off Jun gets when he tells him about Julian and all the bullshit he put Jongdae through. For a while there Jongdae had convinced himself that he was the one in the wrong, that there’d been something he’d done to earn his exile. That it was a deserved punishment. But his friend’s muttered curses remind him that true friends don’t normally backstab each other for money and notoriety.

And finally, he talks of you.

How much he values you at work and how sassy and insistent you were about bringing him into ‘the fold’ of their friend group. The ways in which he wants to be with you and care for you and all his worries of whether or not he’ll be any good at it, given his lack of experience. Junmyeon is neither surprised by his feelings for you nor willing to let him wallow.

‘I even brought prom tickets,’ Jongdae finishes with a groan. He pulls them from the pocket of his jeans and lets his arm fall to the couch cushion. ‘Me. At a prom.’ He almost snorts.

But Junmyeon just purses his lips. ‘Is that really such a stretch?’

Jongdae hums a noise of contemplation. ‘No. I guess not. All our friends are doing it.’ But before Jun can continue he shakes his head. ‘But I’ve messed this all up, so it doesn’t matter either way.’

Loneliness aches in his bones, his hands tired of not holding yours. Wishing he was enough, somehow, to keep you here and keep you warm; enough to make you stay, to make you happy.

Junmyeon raises a brow. ‘I think you’re missing the point entirely my friend. She told you what she needs. All you have to do is listen. She’s asking you to trust her. This job is something she’s worked for and she’s not leaving you for it. She’s just leaving the job. If you want to know you have to ask.’

He sighs deeply. ‘You’re right. But what if it all goes wrong? What if I try and it’s all for nothing in the end?’

Jun dips his chin to his chest, looking at the ground lost in thought. ‘That’s fair. I know a little of that myself, Jongdae. But all you can do is try. There’s sadly no guarantees here. I think you want to make it work and from what I know of her, she wants you as well. It’s time to make the big gesture. Or any kind of gesture, really.’

He groans and smiles, knowing his friend’s fondness for ‘I think you’re right.’ He even has an idea, two in fact. One that’s lived in the back of his mind for weeks and one that’s brewing right now. ‘Will you help me?’

‘Absolutely my friend.’ Jun claps him on the shoulder, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

November 19th, 1997

It should have been wonderful news to you that it was a clean break at least. No mess, just walking out the door and leaving behind the man and the job in one fell swoop. But of course, it wasn’t.

Microsoft was delighted when you told them you could start ASAP, but honestly you did it to jump into work rather than spend your time missing Jongdae. Filling your schedule proves to be the easiest way to avoid thinking about what hurts. You still had your roommates and Hitch and everyone else to hang out with, even if you weren’t ready for any Saturday pizza lunches or Shari’s nights quite yet. Both brought you far too close to him to bear right now.

Liz and Jane and Hitch are wonderful and you’ve had not one but two sleepovers since ‘the Jongdae incident.’ If not for their friendship and constant presence you’re sure you would have walled up the hurt and hid it away, not one to normally speak about your pain openly. Not while it’s so fresh.

Distantly you hope that Jongdae is okay and that he has someone to talk to. If he’s even hurting.

For all you know he’s completely fine and unaffected by the entire thing. Maybe he’s already found a new office manager and has forgotten about you. But those are the kind of rude and painful thoughts that only come to you at three in the morning when you can’t sleep, when dreams of his hands and his voice and his smile keep you up.

Jongdae calls one Tuesday to ask you to swing by Chen’s to pick something up the next day and you’re suspicious. He wouldn’t say any more, just ‘please come by at six. I have something to give you and I’d like it to be in person.’

You put on your favorite black dress and blazer that make you feel both sexy and confident and head to the mall. If he’s just calling you to twist the knife in deeper, you’ve already decided to leave and not bother letting him hurt you more. But if he’s calling to reconcile… you shake your head, not willing to get your hopes up. Instead you park in your old space and fix your make up in the rearview mirror.

It delights you to see that your old desk is returned to its former state. Just the computer, keyboard, and mouse remain. No one’s personal possessions have taken over the space like yours used to. It shouldn’t make you so happy to see he hasn’t replaced you, but it does.

Jongdae sits at his desk. His hair is in its usual perfect wave but his white button down and slacks have been swapped today for a dark green sweater and tan chinos. He looks ridiculously handsome and you grit your teeth, wishing you could turn off your attraction to him with a switch inside your brain.

He looks up at your knock on the glass door. For a moment he simply stands, drinking you in. Then he moves, walking closer to unlock the door and let you in.

‘Hi. How are you?’

You blink and try not to laugh. ‘How am I? Jongdae, how do you think I am?’

‘Right, sorry.’ He shakes his head. Carefully he looks you up and down, not bothering to hide his own attraction to you in his hungry gaze. With a swallow he remembers himself and grabs a cardboard banker’s box from in front of his desk. ‘Here. I didn’t want to come by and drop it off. It felt wrong.’

The box holds all the random photos and personal belongings you’d left in your desk, in your haste to leave. Postcards from Amsterdam and family photos and lotions and your favorite scarf you’d been missing. He steps back, resting against the corner of his desk and folding his arms. When you take it he doesn’t say anything, which is not what you’d hoped by any means, but silence is definitely less painful than you’d feared.

‘Well, it’s been an adventure,’ you manage. You lean against your desk and move the box under one arm, holding out a hand to him to shake. Ready to be done with this officially.

He doesn’t move. You can feel words held on the tip of his tongue. Months and months later you know how to read his tells. The tightness in his jaw and the widening of his eyes and how his hand grips the fabric of his sweater. But seconds tick on and still he says nothing.

He should speak or you should leave. One of you should do something. Instead you’re frozen in time. Eventually your arm aches and you set the box down beside you. You could go first, but pride demands he be the one to confess, if there’s going to be any confessions tonight.

Neither of you caves; twin pillars of resolution, stubbornness, and desire. It’s a game the two of you could play for hours. The tension in the air pulls tighter than a violin. His gaze drops from your eyes to your lips, unabashedly. His lids grow heavy as he breathes deeply, close enough to smell your gardenia perfume, but just out of reach of being able to touch you.

So this is what it feels like to meet my match, you think, finally acknowledging just how deeply you want him. Enough nights had been spent imagining kissing him, being with him in far more intimate ways than just a holding of hands or a hug. You want more, but only if he wants you, too.

You'd always been told that you were too driven, too smart, too self-sufficient to attract a man. Even in your MBA program where ambition and intelligence were supposedly rewarded, it apparently made you too something to find a good man to date.

But now there’s one right in front of you, looking at you as if you’re the answer to Fermat’s Enigma; a rare and priceless gem he’d been hunting for all his life. But he doesn’t look at you as if you’re art to be admired, a prize to be won. The guard lifts steadily and when he looks at you now it’s as if you’re the kind of miracle he wants to sink his teeth, his tongue, and his fingers into.

Your cheeks grow warm and you’re sure you look just as amazed and turned on as he does. If you had to guess, you’d bet that the number of people who challenge him these days are few, and the number of people who attempt to see the man behind the curtain even fewer.

While everyone else in the world might just see a monolith of a man, a genius, a hardworking and brilliant anomaly, you see the passionate, warm heart that beats in his chest. You know that the tin man really does have feelings and needs, and your heart almost breaks when you realize he’s been searching for you just as fervently as you’ve been searching for someone like him.

The silence in the room is almost too fragile a thing to break. On one side of the moment is a spark of something, a chance to see if this connection is real and deep, or if this is just chemistry and biology combining into lust. If your mind has taken the small gestures of passion and kindness and friendship from him and built it up to be something more than the sum of its parts.

‘I’ve missed you,’ he breathes, voice catching in his throat. Releasing his folded arms he rests his palms on the edges of the desk.

‘I’ve missed you, too,’ you admit. Your hands curl in on themselves, trying to fight the way emotion and physical longing make it difficult to be in such a close proximity to him.

‘Okay, then.’ He breaks first, moving with purpose and striding to you in two steps, sliding his hands along your jaw with such softness that you gasp.

And then, finally, you feel his lips on yours. You grasp his hips, hands freed and aching to touch him, to feel his hard body press against yours with surprising heat.

You meet him with equal passion, working your lips against his steady assault on your composure. For a solid minute you’re in awe that you could feel this much, that his lips and his hands could undo you so rapidly. That they could rebuild you into someone who belongs to him in such a short space of time, after weeks of endless doubt.

He groans against your lips in what feels like similar shock and surrender. Who would have thought that he would cave to your touch just as you did to his? How could someone so grumpy and strong-willed also be so open and vulnerable to this tentative thing between you.

But as he drops a hand and brings it to rest securely on the small of your back you realize there’s a name for this feeling.

You could call it fate. You could call it destiny. You could call it that damned four-letter word or you could call it Darwinism for all you care as his teeth bite gently into your lower lip.

You just know that nothing has ever felt as good and right as his hands claiming you for his own and the smell and heat of him wrapping themselves around you and burrowing their way into your heart.

A whine works its way from your throat as he licks along the seam of your lips, seeking entrance. When you open your mouth to him, his tongue slides along your own and you almost lose your balance. With a giggle you could swear you’ve never made before in your life you let him guide you up onto the desk.

He steps between your legs instantly, gripping your hips and continuing his tasting of you. Heat and electricity race down your spine as you fist your hands in his hair, pulling him closer to you until there’s no separation.

Banging on the glass doors and whistles come from out in the mall and you freeze. Instead of jerking back in shock and alarm like you’d expect him to, Jongdae confounds you once again. He pulls back slowly, opening his eyes and lifting his hands to gently cup your face. It can’t have been more than fifteen minutes but in less than the time it takes to watch one episode of Friends he’s turned your world on its axis.

You and Jongdae smile at each other and both turn to wave at your group of friends, who are celebrating and clapping. Baekhyun eats from an enormous bag of popcorn, wearing his theater uniform. Jongin and Sehun take large handfuls and Hitch whoops with joy. Liz and Jane and Junmyeon are all smiling, and attempt to force some of the group away to give you privacy.

Jongdae’s hands flex on your waist. ‘I want to try. You’re everything I want, will you please give me the chance to be what you need?’ His voice is raspy and his lips are red and you can’t help but grin.

‘I just want you, okay?’ You fix his messed up hair with both hands and sigh with relief. ‘And for you to admit you like me.’

‘I far more than like you.’ Jongdae rolls his eyes and kisses you once more. ‘You just want me to say you’re right.’

With a laugh you ease yourself off your desk, standing close within his arms and bending to whisper in his ear. ‘I’m always right. I just love when you admit it.’

‘So,’ he starts with an amused quirk of an eyebrow. ‘Will you let me take you to dinner? Us, officially, on a date.’

Your chest feels as if it’s a balloon, expanding so rapidly it might burst. He looks so young and boyish and hopeful your heart feels like it turns to liquid gold. With a delighted grin you lean forward and press your lips to his again, unable to resist.

Joy swims in his irises as he holds you in his arms. He looks at you through his lashes, his lips tilting into lopsided smile. ‘Is that a yes, then?’

‘Yes,’ you answer. ‘Of course.’

‘How’s right now for you?’ He motions to the doors and your friends have finally been corralled to the side of the walkway, revealing an elaborately decorated table in the food court.

You gasp and grip his arm. Jun and Sehun hold the doors open and Jongdae escorts you out. A red tablecloth is spread out over the circular table. The chairs have added plush cushions and several candles have been lit. A bottle of wine and two glasses rest beside several plates of food. You recognize the pizza from Barada, the rest looks like a mix from the other restaurants in the food court.

With high fives and hugs from your friends they finally leave you and Jongdae alone. Well, almost alone. It’s not a busy time at the mall, but there’s no way to avoid some of the customers turning to watch with amusement and curiosity as they pass by. You pay them no mind as Jongdae holds out your chair and helps you sit.

The two of you fall back into conversation easy enough, aided by the enormous amount of food and how you no longer have to move your knees away when they bump under the table. Jongdae reaches for your hand and holds it, in full view. He stares at the joined digits with warmth before looking up at you.

Doubt passes across his face, marring the beauty that contentment lends his features. ‘I don’t -’ he struggles. ‘I don’t know how to keep this much good in my life. I worry that I’m going to mess it up.’

Neither of you are the type to openly acknowledge such things. Merely the fact that he’s voicing his fears to you shows you he’s doing what he said - he’s trying, he wants to change. And truthfully so do you.

‘I worried for the longest time that I’d be alone forever,’ you say softly. ‘I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who understood me or who could handle all my - well, you know how I am.’

Jongdae smiles then, lifting your joined hands to his lips to press a kiss to your skin. ‘I love who you are.’

Your eyes mist at that and you groan, trying to blink them back. ‘Good, because I love who you are too.’ With your free hand you reach for his, needing to hold both of them and all of him at once. Not wanting to give his overly-analytical mind a chance to override the fragile hope you’re both building tonight. ‘You know what to do when a computer overloads?’

He nods. ‘Of course. Often it’s just a simple matter of turning it off and on again.’

‘So,’ you say, lifting your shoulder in a shrug. ‘When we mess up or freak out or say the wrong thing, we’ll just start over again. As long as you want me and I want you, we’ll figure it out.’

Jongdae softens, his shoulders dropping and ease coming back into his eyes. ‘I didn’t know I was lagging until you jump started my life.’ He waggles his brows. It’s a gesture that’s all Baekhyun, and a pun so terrible that Junmyeon would be proud. You can’t help but laugh and squeeze his hands.

‘I’ve got one more surprise,’ Jongdae says, reluctantly releasing one of your hands to pull two narrow slips of paper from his pocket. ‘Do you have any plans for Christmas?’

The tickets are in both your names. First class round trip from Seattle to Amsterdam. ‘Oh my - Jongdae, what is this? You and me in Amsterdam?’

‘I figured it was about time,’ he says with pride.

You lean out of your chair and reach for him, tugging him closer to kiss him fully. Noise reaches you - clapping and cheering from the shops around the mall. When you look around you see Sehun and his girlfriend leaning out of Starlight Apparel. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo smiling and fist bumping as they work on closing up the shop.

Hitch nudges Baekhyun from the theater booth and he jumps in excitement. And from Guardians Junmyeon leans on the counter, resting his chin in his hand, giving a thumbs up.

You roll your eyes and wave. ‘We maybe should have gone somewhere outside the mall, huh?’

'No, I think this is perfect,’ Jongdae answers. He then covers your mouth with his and holds you so tight that it drowns out the chorus of cheering that echos around the space.

#jongdae fanfic #chen fanfic #exo fanfic #exo angst #exo fluff #exo au

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leiasfanaccount648 · 4 years ago

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Timebomb [xiv]

Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader [SMAU]

When your heart opens, it’s like I’m ready to fall again.

Masterlist

Warnings/Contains: A whole ton of angst, cursing, mentions of characters getting high (from the last chapter), Sero touches base on valid/proper consent, ngl this might be my fav chapter that I’ve written for the series lol.

fun fact. Earlier during midterms, when y/n and Bakugou hung out that one evening, they talked about their friendship and the fact that they both felt something towards one another; however, Bakugou stated that he didn’t want to date her because he wanted to focus on graduating without having to deal with the responsibilities of being in a relationship. After that, y/n did her best to push aside her resurfacing feelings and do the same, only to end up back at square one after what happened with Sero. Now, she doesn’t know how to feel about either of them and is tempted to drop Bakugou once again like he did with her back in high school.

comment/ask if you would like to be tagged in future updates (if your url is crossed out, I couldn’t tag you)

Tags: @briswriting @thatonegeekchick @boosyboo9206 @mybigredclifforddick @satoriluver @mirakeul @katsujordan @the-fandoms-georgie @lordexplosion-murder20 @ravensfeatheruniverse @marajillana @runrabbitrun3 @lovelykaia @bakugouswh0r3 @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @loquacious-shari @arashi-onannoko @tati-the-fangirl @sorrowfulfragmentation @lunamoonbby @thesleepysphinx @theunicornnamedearl @intense-socks @spicy-therapist-mom @kawaii-angelanne @kac-chowsballs @bkgwrites @kiris-bakuho @theycallme-becky @dreamsofficialwife @speedmetalqueen @lunardepresso

#Timebomb #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #mha fanfiction #mha bakugou #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha bakugou #bakugou katsuki smau #mha smau #bnha smau #my work #My writing #my post

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salvejoon · 4 years ago

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No King Rules Forever | myg - M

I am the fire I am burning brighter Roaring like a storm And I am the one I've been waiting for Screaming like a siren Alive and burning brighter I am the fire

⇒ Summary: Escaping the Imperial City 4 years ago, leaving behind painful, bloody memories, your body scarred and your soul bruised, you went into hiding, swearing to never fall into the Emperor’s hands again but when his twin brother and the rightful heir to the Imperial Throne finds you, asking you to return to that God-forsaken city you had left behind, to re-open old wounds and place yourself directly in the Emperor’s gaze, to help him take the city and overthrow his brother, you find yourself at odds: do you stay hidden or do you step into the light and sink your fangs into the man who ruined you?

⇒ Or: Emperor Min needs to die cuz he’s a psycho and while you and Yoongi agree on that part, you don’t really agree on anything else.

⇒ Pairing: Dragon Aspect!Yoongi x Snake Aspect!Reader

⇒ Genre: Angst, action, a dash of crack, a tiny bit of fluff and smut.

⇒ Rating: 18+

⇒ Word count: 17k

⇒ Warnings: whoo boy, here we go, unedited cuz im a lazy fuck, mentions of torture and sexual assault (nothing too descriptive), gory fighting as in there will be blood, poison, people melting, arrows in kneecaps, character death, cursing, smutty goodness, soft smut uwu, Yoongi is a soft boi and reader needs to be held, cunnilingus, unprotected sex (Wrap it up, my dudes), creampie.

Spying eyes watched carefully from the shadows of the tall trees around him, moving as the cloaked figure before him picked up herbs and put them in a basket. Careful not to stand in the direction of the wind, he moved silently, stealthily through the bushes, cautious not to make any noise and draw the attention from the clothed figure.

It could mean his end if noticed but he had his orders and had to make sure it was whom they believed it was.

So far, he had nothing to go on. He could neither see shape or a face on the figure, a smart move for someone not wanting to be discovered.

But a gust of wind blew harshly between the trees and the hooded figure was suddenly without a hood, revealing long hair that glinted in the sun and his eyes widened slightly as the figure turned to the side, showing him the feminine features of their face.

It was her.

They’d finally found her.

But his ogling was soon interrupted as she whipped around and he felt her eyes on him, seeing him even under the cover of the shadows. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

He had to leave.

Now.

Namjoon stared at the corpse at the ground, scratching his neck as he felt a sigh build up, “He was my best tracker…” He stated and let out a heavy sigh, “This is unexpected.”

“Y’know, as the smartest aspect, you really are dumb.” Jin commented and prodded the corpse’s knee with his shoe.

“How was I supposed to predict that poor Sijun would lose his life? Maybe he was ambushed-”

“He wasn’t ambushed. Look at the wound. It’s too clean, too precise to have been made by a soldier or an assassin who suddenly jumped at him.”

“Yoongi…” Namjoon looked at his oldest friend as he bowed down and examined the many cuts across Sijun’s body, “Sijun was the best damn spy we had! There’s no way that she did this.”

Yoongi scoffed and rose, “She is capable. It’s most likely that Sijun wasn’t hiding well enough and she discovered him.”

“She was the one who gave your brother the scar, right?” Jin asked as they walked out of the forest and into the clearing, the flow of the water strong in the creek as it had been raining.

“My brother didn’t see her coming either.” Yoongi stated as he looked around, spotting the basket near the water, tumbled over, no doubt having been left behind by the woman he was currently trying to find, “She’s around here. Let’s be a little bit more wiser than Sijun and not get killed.”

Namjoon sighed heavily as his two friend began walking east, “I should have stayed home.”

“Mistress.” Your handmaiden, Shari, looked confused as you scurried around the cave, “What has gotten into you?”

You shook your head, “We have to leave.”

“Why?”

“I was seen today.”

Shari’s eyes widened, “That’s not possible. We have covered every track and-” You grabbed her hand, clenching it and she took a few calming breaths.

“It was only a matter of time before…” Shari looked desperately at you as you paled visibly, “Before he would find me, Shari.”

“Are you sure it as one of his trackers?” Your handmaiden asked as you let go of her hand and resumed with packing a small leather bag with only the bare essentials.

“I smelled Dragon on him.” You stated, your hands beginning to shake as you were reminded of the taste and scent of it, “It’s him. Which is why we have to leave.”

“But what if he finds us again, Mistress? What happens then?”

“We will keep on moving. He will never find us.”

“But what if he does?”

You looked down at your hands, her shaking voice affecting you and sighed heavily, “Then you will to save yourself. Now pack your things.” Your tone was final and Shari nodded solemnly as she headed over to her own bedding to pack her belongings.

Shari was tired of running but she could not leave your side. Not when she owed her life to you. Ever since that fateful night in the palace, she’d sworn an oath to serve you and stay by your side until death.

But she wanted to fight.

She wanted you to fight.

She stole a glance at you over her shoulder, knowing that underneath your hard and cold exterior was a strong and fiery soul but that soul had endured so much pain and was now afraid. She knew that underneath your robes that hid your body so well, were scars that you thought so ugly and hideous that you still avoided your mirror image to this day.

She wished that you had never set foot in that horrible palace.

“If we set out by sunset, we can use the cover of the dark to-” You stopped abruptly when the air shifted and carried a scent with it that you knew all too well.

You got to your feet quickly and handed Shari your belongings, “We’re out of time. Take this and run.” You said to her, ignoring how puzzled she looked, “Run as fast as you can and don’t stop.”

“W-What’s happening?”

You simply offered her a sad smile and cupped her cheek as it dawned on her what was about to happen, “N-No, I won’t leave your side!”

“Shari, go. There’s no time.” She shook her head wildly and your heart lurched in your chest, “Go through the cave, take a left and follow the river once you exit the cave. Just like we’ve practiced.”

“Y/N…”

“That’s an order, Shari.”

Tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks as she slowly nodded and you leaned over, kissing her cheek as you whispered, “Take care, child.”

You watched as she bolted in the opposite direction, heading further into the cave. She would be safe, that was all that mattered. You took a deep breath, the scent of him nearing flooding your senses. You could almost taste him on the wind.

You felt fear take a solid hold on you as you headed for the entrance to your hideout.

You had often imagined facing him again.

You didn’t expect to walk away from this alive.

But you sure as hell would drag him down with you.

Still, nothing could prepare you seeing the dark figure behind the waterfall, the water bending his body in a weird shape and acting as the only barrier between the two of you. It was terrifying and you fought hard to take another step.

You were about to face the man that had ruined you.

It was now or never.

Shari stood at the secret exit to the cave, a brief pause as she looked back into the darkness of what had been her home for a year. Her heart was breaking in her chest at the thought of you dying but you had given her an order.

One that she intended to follow.

A gust of wind almost knocked her over and she felt the hairs on her arms raise in fear.

Then she heard the sound that she had only heard once in her life, that horrifying night when you had fought the Emperor himself and given him the scar, the night the two of you had barely escaped the Imperial City alive.

It was loud, the stone walls of the cave trembling, causing dust and debris to fall to the ground. She picked up her pace and ran as fast as she could towards the light at the end of the cave.

Yoongi didn’t know what to expect as he had followed the trail that had led him to the waterfall. The Aspect of the Snake. Enigmatic, elegant, intelligent, wise, fearless, cunning, scheming and striking.

Some of the wisest Emperors and Empresses had been an Aspect of the Snake.

He had never met an Aspect of the Snake.

Nothing could have prepared him for the real thing that was in front of him. It was as if the air itself dreaded what was about to happen as it died down, the forest around him grew quiet and only the sound of the waterfall filled the hilltop valley.

Then the wind picked up, in the opposite direction, almost sucking him toward the waterfall itself and then he saw them.

Glowing green eyes, looking directly at him and the ground trembled, the waterfall dispersed as the giant snake shot out of the cave with a roar. Yoongi had little to no choice but to change himself.

Namjoon and Jin were sent backwards from the sheer force of you and Yoongi’s forms colliding. As they scrambled back on their feet, they were almost blinded by the sun hitting the tangle of scales that was before them. Silver blended with black in a fierce battle. The ground shook beneath their feet with the giant Aspects battling. Yoongi’s growls and your loud hissing thrummed in their ears.

“We have to stop them!” Namjoon yelled out, fearful for his friend as he saw you twirl around Yoongi’s lithe body, most likely intending to squeeze the light out of him.

“How?!” Jin yelled back, “If you haven’t noticed, we’re kind of in human form right now and could easily die if we-”

“You idiot! Change!” Namjoon yelled before he changed into his own Aspect form and Jin followed suit.

Shari could only look on in horror as you battled the Emperor, his Dragon form even more terrifying than what she’s seen in paintings: the long slender body of his Dragonform, covered with blackened scales, his long claws digging into your pale imprenetable scales, trying to find purchase as you wrapped yourself around his body, his tail tangling with yours, his eyes glowing a bright golden color that some said was the representation of a setting sun.

His growls vibrated through his body and through hers which only gave away the magnitude of his size and power.

It seemed like you had the upper hand for a second but then she couldn’t but to cry out when he finally sank his claws into your body and you let out a wail of pain. Tears flowed freely when she saw blood stain the silver scales of your body.

But her heart stopped when she saw the Aspect of the Ox and the Monkey join the fight.

All of the Aspects towered above the trees and she had never felt more helpless in her life as she watched you not only battle one Aspect but three.

As strong and mighty as you were, you were no match for three of them. She saw how you strained your long body, trying to maintain a strong hold on the Emperor and to sink your fangs into the Monkey, the acidic venom dripping from them and onto the earth beneath.

She could smell the burned soil and wood in the air.

The Monkey finally got it’s hands on you, getting ahold of your head and pulled you away from the Emperor and his mighty form fell to the ground. Your body twisted itself around the Monkey’s strong legs and you squeezed, causing it to let go of you as it toppled over and you quickly got out of it’s grasp and you slithered your way through the forest, mowing down trees on your way, trying to get some distance between you and your enemies.

But there was nowhere to go because you were trampled by the Monkey and you let out a loud hiss as you curled yourself around it’s body again, anger now flooding your veins as you squeezed the Aspect in your grasp.

The Monkey, battling your crippling tight grasp, tripped over it’s own feet and fell, rolling towards Shari. The handmaiden let out a panicked scream, getting the attention of the Ox who was busy trying to help the Emperor get back up. It’s eyes widened as it spotted the small human, two fighting Aspects getting closer and closer each second.

It ran, leaving behind the Dragon and bypassed you and the Monkey, leaving dirt, dust and trees in it’s path.

Shari was cast in it’s large shadow. It huffed and she was knocked over by it. She covered her eyes to protect them from the dust, cowering in fear as the beast towered above her. It could easily crush her beneath it’s hoof.

But it didn’t move. Not even when the two other Aspects crashed into it’s large body, did it move an inch. It simply huffed again and it sounded annoyed.

“Enough!” Came the booming and deep voice from the Ox, “We didn’t come here to fight you!” Then as to get the point across, the Ox changed back into it’s human form and from the dust, Jin appeared, “We’re here to talk.”

Monkey, who was entangled in your body, stopped resisting, “It’s true.” He managed to wheeze out. Your eyes darted between Jin and the Monkey in your hold and you were at a loss of what to do.

“I cannot trust you!” You finally spoke, your voice distorted to a deeper tone, “He has gotten into your minds and poisoned you.”

“He…” Came the voice of the Emperor, now hovering above you and the Monkey, “Is not me.”

You lunged at him with snap of your jaws, “Liar!”

The Dragon hummed deeply before landing onto the ground, a little away from where you currently held the Monkey pinned down and evaporated into a dust cloud. Your eyes narrowed when they saw the figure emerging.

It was the same face that haunted you at night but yet, it was not. Instead of long, straight blonde hair like his brother had, his was jet-black and only went to his ears but the thing that caught your attention the most was his eyes. They were filled with emotion, nothing you could distinguish but there was emotion in the brown orbs.

Not the void you had so often stared into.

And he lacked the parting gift you had given your once would-be husband: the scar across his right eye.

The Monkey slowly felt you loosen your crushing hold on him and inhaled loudly when he felt like he could finally breathe.

Seconds ticked by and Yoongi raised an eyebrow, “Are you going to change back so we can talk like civilized human beings?”

“Careful.” You hissed but removed yourself from the Monkey completely, allowing him to change back into human form and you decided to take a chance and change back as well, “That you do not anger me further.”

You cautiously stepped backwards to your handmaiden and the young girl launched herself at you.

“Mistress!”

“It’s okay, Shari.”

“Y-You’re hurt…”

“It’ll heal soon. Are you hurt?”

She shook her head, “No. The Ox saved me.”

Jin smiled and inclined his head, “Jin is my name.” He introduced himself and continued, “I had to. My friend over there is quite clumsy and would have crushed you had I not intervened.”

“Hey! How about a hand here?!” Namjoon called out annoyingly, “Gods have mercy, I think she’s crushed my ribs.”

You scoffed, “You would be dead if I had.”

Yoongi watched as Jin moved over to help Namjoon, cursing at him for being a clutz but you seemed to only have your eyes on him. It was clear that you were distrustful of them, making sure to keep your guard raised, even with your servant clinging to you, he didn’t doubt you were still able to hurt him.

You were also scared.

Of him.

He could smell it on you.

Yoongi took a step towards you and you hissed in warning, “Calm down, girl.” He grunted and folded his arms.

“Girl?!” You exclaimed loudly, filled with ire, “I will let that slide this once but you will tell me why you trespassed-”

“We didn’t actually trespass seeing as this mountain borders onto the Emerald forest and last time I checked, you weren’t the owner of these lands.” Yoongi interjected, looking bored.

“You have 10 seconds to tell me why you’re here.” You growled.

“Or what?” He challenged and the hilltop grew quiet as you glared at him, hands clenching.

“If your friends hadn’t intervened, I would have killed you, Yoongi.” You spat his name and his eyes widened slightly, “Your brother found out what happens when you corner a snake and it almost cost him an eye. Don’t make the same mistake.”

Yoongi. The twin brother of Emperor Min. The rightful heir to the throne. The first born son of the great Dragon Emperor.

You wanted to laugh.

A lost cause. Banished from the Imperial City forever by his own brother. You had never met him, only heard hushed whispers of him from your time in the palace. The Emperor had never uttered a word of his brother either.

But the things you had heard were more than enough. A coward was what he was, not even taking up arms against his brother when he had cut down their father in cold blood, no protesting when he had taken the throne as his own.

You weren’t impressed to be in his presence but you would listen to what he had to say.

You stared at the three Aspects that sat on the opposite side of the campfire, the sun barely noticeable on the horizon, stars beginning to dot up the sky in all their formations.

At this time, you and Shari would normally have been sitting alone, letting your full bellies settle after dinner and the young girl would entertain you with her hopes and dreams of a future where your lives were normal and you weren’t on the run.

Now you were joined by 3 other Aspects and the tension was palpable.

“After 10 years…” You dragged your eyes from the fire to Yoongi, “You decided to rebel against your brother?”

You were met with silence.

“Pathetic.”

Namjoon winced audibly and received a jab from Jin as Yoongi spoke, “I have my reasons. What is important is that it is happening.”

“And what, pray tell, are those reasons?” You asked coldly, standing up, dusting the dirt away from your dress and were again met with silence which didn’t surprise you, “Why should I help you, hm? Where were you when thousands of innocent people, children, were enslaved, killed, had their homes and livelihood destroyed?” Your tone changed as you continued, anger rising, “Where were you when he attacked the Northern Lands and slaughtered millions?”

“Hey, there’s no need to be so-” Jin began but you cut him off quickly with hiss and your eyes flashing green.

“Where were you when your people needed you? Hiding. Like a coward.” You finished.

“Like you?” Yoongi asked and met your hardened gaze.

You felt his words dig at your heart like a dagger, your lungs suddenly burning with how the air had been knocked out of them with two simple words, yet you refused to let it show, “You don’t know the hell I went through.” You spat, “I will not help you or your rebellion.” You announced, anger and hurt making your hands shake as you turned on your heel and headed for the cave.

“W-Wait Y/N!” Namjoon called out and moved to get up but Yoongi stopped him with a hand.

“Don’t bother. We shouldn’t have come.” He said, glaring at your retreating form.

“Maybe I can talk to her and-” Namjoon looked at his friend with pleading eyes.

“We have wasted enough time on your ideas, Namjoon.” Yoongi snapped, finally letting the anger from your words show, “The woman doesn’t want to help. Fine. Leave her to rot here.” With that he rose and left the campsite, walking in the opposite direction, disappearing in the darkness.

Namjoon sighed loudly and Jin shook his head.

What a mess.

“She wants to help you...” Came a shy, quiet voice and the two men looked at the young girl opposite of them, “But she’s scared.”

“Yoongi is scared too. He just won’t admit or show it.” Jin explained with a nod, “I’m scared. Namjoon is scared.”

“Me too.” Shari agreed and stood up, “You’re welcome to stay for the night. We have extra beddings in the cave, should you wish to sleep somewhere dry.” She bowed graciously, “Goodnight… And thank you for saving me, Jin.”

He smiled at her as she turned and left them alone at the fire.

“So… Jin, I think it’s your turn to talk to him.”

“Mistress.”

You were quick to wipe away the wetness on your cheeks as you heard Shari approach you and put a gentle hand on your shoulder. She didn’t say anything as she knelt down behind you and put her head against your back.

You felt a comforting warmth spread in your chest at her silent support and you reached up with your left hand, putting it on top of hers.

This girl had been your only source of companionship since you had escaped the palace. She had been there, next to you with her childish charms and naive hopes when you had been all gloom and doom. She had pulled you out of your night terrors, learned how to deal with them when all she should worry about was playing with other children and making friends.

She had to grow up too quickly but somehow she still had hope to keep her going forward.

You wished you still had hope.

“Shari…” Came your trembling voice and she simply squeezed your shoulder, understanding your unspoken words.

She was the only thing that kept you going these past 4 years.

Yoongi’s words had cut you deep and while you hated to admit it, he was right. You were a coward.

You were no different that he was.

You had a choice: help him overthrow his brother or stay here, in hiding... Being a coward.

You could return to a normal life. You could give Shari the life she deserved.

“You’re going to help them, aren’t you?” She asked, hopeful, and you nodded curtly. Even though you couldn’t see it, you knew she was smiling.

Perhaps you could allow yourself to have some hope, after all.

Namjoon stood awkwardly shifting on his feet outside the cave, nervously anticipating your exit.

After the talk he had with Yoongi which mostly consisted of his friend telling him to fuck off, shut up and take his big words somewhere else. It wasn’t the first time Namjoon had to give a little speech about what was right to Yoongi, even though he was the oldest and should be the wisest.

Yoongi had listened to him and had seen reason.

Now he just had to convince you to do it too.

You appeared just as he blinked, like a lightning strike from a clear sky and he yelped, causing you to raise an eyebrow as he tumbled backwards and fell onto the ground.

“Y-You startled me.”

You looked down at him with a stoic impression, “Good. I haven’t lost my touch then.” You extended a hand to help him back on his feet and he took it. Dusting himself off, he took in your attire: a burgundy robe, tied around your waist multiple times with a black piece of cloth, black pants showing underneath it, stuffed into dark boots. You shifted and he caught glimpse of a black bodice.

Then he saw the dual kopis’ at your hip and the bag on your back.

“Are you here to try and convince me to join your little rebellion once again?”

Namjoon snapped out of it and focused his eyes on your face where he saw a tiny smirk, “You knew?”

You hummed and stepped out of the cave, “I had an inkling.” You said as you walked out, “But you pacing back and forth anxiously gave it away.” You stated, glancing at the tall man and his now rosy cheeks.

“Also you talk rather loudly.”

“S-Sorry.”

Shari came running towards the two of you, adjusting the straps of her back onto her shoulder, “All done!” She exclaimed as she came up to you, smiling up at you.

“You sure?” You asked, looking down at her.

She nodded definitively, “Yes, Mistress.”

“Good. Because we won’t be coming back.”

Namjoon stumbled after you as you continued walking, “Does that mean you’ll help us?”

You kept walking, “No, I wish to see if my weapons can skin a Dragon.” You paused for effect, “Alive.”

Shari chuckled beside you as Namjoon halted in his steps, looking pale and fearful. You rolled your eyes and stopped, “I am joking, Namjoon.”

He released a breath, “Thank the Gods.” He mumbled.

“For now.” You shrugged and continued walking down the hill.

You could already smell them as you reached the base of the hill where Jin and Yoongi awaited you. Jin smiled as he spotted you and Shari while Yoongi didn’t even spare you a glance.

You were about to tell him how rude it was not to acknowledge a Lady when Jin opened his mouth, “Good morning, ladies. Looking battle ready and fierce as ever.” He complimented as you and Shari came up to him, “How are you this morning, little one?” He asked when she looked up at him, her big brown orbs twinkling with excitement.

“Excited!” Shari clapped her hands.

“I expected to see you return alone.” Yoongi stated, glancing at Namjoon.

You could still give him an earful but refrained and simply resumed walking, heading into the dense forest, Shari grabbing Jin’s hand to drag him along.

While Jin and Shari had fun playing games on the road, obviously bonding, you and Yoongi had yet to utter one word to each other. That didn’t stop the Dragon from talking about you, as if you weren’t there. He took your lack of acknowledgement as a challenge. You annoyed him. He didn’t know why but he wanted your fieryeyes on him as you lashed out at him hence his comments got more provocative as the hours went by.

You were twitching with each comment coming from him, wanting nothing more than to teach him a lesson or ten.

Instead, you tried to make small talk with Jin, asking him about his family. He had a wife, three sons and a daughter and he talked with such warmth and love about his family, that it made the annoyance caused by Yoongi fade into the back of your mind.

It made you a little sad too. While his tone was warm and happy, there was an underlying yearning to return to them.

“I miss them so much.” He admitted, the smile vanishing from his face and sadness washed over his features, “I’ve been gone for too long already.”

“How long?” You asked.

“A year, give or take. My wife sends me letters though.” He smiled but it didn’t have the same happiness as his usual ones, “The boys are getting wilder and stronger and are wreaking havoc in the house.”

“What about your daughter?” Shari asked, “How old is she?”

Jin looked down at his side, “She’s a little younger than you and she is amazing. Strong, beautiful, funny, smart… Takes after her father, you know.” He winked at Shari and ruffled her hair, “You remind me of her actually.”

You smiled at the interaction. The young girl sorely lacked a father figure in her life. You were all that she had but even you couldn’t give her everything a child needed, no matter how hard you tried. Certainly not a life where she feared for her life everyday was fit for a child.

“We’re nearing the camp.” Yoongi caused the moment to fade with his statement.

You didn’t have to wait long until the air filled with the scents of sweat, horses, leather and smog.

“How many men?” You asked Yoongi as he walked up beside you, finally looking at him.

“2000.” He said curtly.

“2000? That’s not nearly enough to attack the Imperial city. Your brother has tens-of-thousands of soldiers.” You stated, eyes widening as Yoongi merely shrugged and bypassed you, picking up his pace as the camp got closer.

Truly, he couldn’t be serious?

Shari clung to you as you walked further and further into the large camp, soldiers all around you barely paying you any attention, the few that did curtly inclined their heads as a formal greeting.

“I don’t like it here.” The young girl murmured and you hugged her tighter to you, knowing her fear of soldiers and wished you could whisk her away.

“I’ll protect you, Shari. Don’t worry.”

“I know.”

Yoongi led the way through the camp and when you came upon a larger tent, he entered it and you followed suit with Jin and Namjoon behind you.

In the tent was two men, each dressed in their own battle attire. It was the sigils on their back that indicated their status and just how important they were.

“You’ve gathered other Aspects?” You asked, eyes slightly widening when their heads turned to look at you.

“They’ve returned!”

You couldn’t distinguish whose voice it was, mind still reeling from the fact that Yoongi had gotten so many Aspects to join the rebellion, especially considering that some of them present was allies with the Emperor.

“Is this who I think it is?” A voice snapped you out of it and you took a step back when the owner of the voice strolled over to you with strong steps, inhaling deeply, “It is!”

You looked up, a very young but muscular man, with wide brown eyes stared at you with amazement and a grin that reached his ears

“Careful, Jungkook.” Yoongi warned him, “She has a bad habit of attacking first and asking questions later.”

Your eyes narrowed as Jungkook shook his head, “She looks nice though!”

Could they stop talking about you as if you weren’t there?

Then Jungkook leaned in close, too close for comfort and you felt the beginnings of a hiss in your throat when he sniffed you. Loudly.

“And she smells so good!”

Aspect of the Dog, you guessed.

“A true beauty.” Another voice drawled and you turned your head to see a slightly older man make his way to you, his eyes sharp and focused, his presence sending a shiver down your back.

He was intimidating.

“Jackson…” Yoongi warned cooly, watching as his comrade drank in the sight of you.

Jackson, as was his name, bowed graciously in front of you, “My name is Jackson and I am the Aspect of the Tiger, my fair lady.” He took your free hand and kissed it, making Shari giggle and he winked at her, “You honor us with your presence.”

Yoongi snorted loudly and you glared at him briefly before smiling at Jackson, “Thank you. Finally someone with manners.”

This caused Yoongi to glare at you.

“Ah, you make me blush, my lady.”

“Please, call me Y/N.”

“First name basis already. I like it.”

“Are you done making the rest of us gag?” Yoongi huffed.

“Jealousy is an ugly thing, Yoongi.”

“I am not-”

“Alright, everyone, settle down and let’s get back to what we’re actually here for.” Namjoon’s voiced boomed over the others, successfully silencing them. He walked over to the table and placed his hands on it, “Scout reports?”

“None yet, Namjoon. They have yet to return and-” Jungkook was cut off as the curtain to the tent was whipped aside and in stepped another man but this one, you knew.

Your eyes widened as you took in the huffing Jimin, his cheeks red from exertion but they were still those soft cheeks you remember cupping in your hands, the same plush lips that you remember kissing you on the cheek, the same brown eyes that had once pleadingly begged you to let him go and now they landed on you and he stopped speaking. You hadn’t even noticed that he had begun talking.

“Y-Y/N?” His voice crumbled steadily as you let go of Shari and walked over to him, your heart leaping in your chest as he quickly crossed the distance and drew you into his arms, hugging you tightly.

“Gods, I’ve missed you.” He mumbled before burying his face in the junction of your neck and shoulder, nuzzling it with his nose.

You felt teary-eyed as he drew you back and he beamed when he saw your face, “I missed you too.” You managed to get past the lump in your throat.

The sweet reunion was interrupted as Namjoon cleared his throat and Jimin removed himself from your arms and walked over to the table.

“I have a few questions for you, Jimin, but we’ll talk later. Now, what have our scouts found out?” The Aspect of the Monkey asked, his eyes flicking between you and Jimin.

The sun was setting over the Imperial City, bathing the building in a golden hue and coupled with it’s brightly colored tiles and buildings, it would make for a breathtaking painting.

The golden towers of the Imperial Palace glinted in the sun as they stood high above the rest of the city, like a beacon of light guiding those who needed safety from the dark.

But all this simply covered up the grim truth of the city and it’s inhabitants. The streets were littered with sick people, the poor sitting on the corners, begging for a coin just so they could buy a loaf of bread, starving orphans that didn’t even have the strength to stand, let alone play. The streets were no longer clean or traversable as they were covered with garbage.

What had once been a bustling city, a hub for all traders alike, a place where teaching and schooling was important, a city that felt safe with the guards patrolling the streets, was now the opposite. It was a city full of hopelessness, death and decay.

And the one who ruled over the city and it’s people cared not about it.

Emperor Min sat on his golden throne, staring at his sword when his spymaster entered the throne room, his eyes locked onto the Emperor, “My Lord.”

“Ah, spymaster Lee.” Min glanced at the man, “I hope you bring good news.”

“I-I do, my Lord. The Southern borderlands raids have been successful… Um, the new recruits have proven to be quite effective.”

“That is good news indeed, Lee.”

“I do have… bad news, my Lord.”

Min sighed and reclined back in his throne, waving his hand, “Yes, out with it.”

“M-my scouts say that the Tiger Aspect...” Lee trailed off, fear interlaced with his voice, “That he has joined your brother’s rebellion.”

The booming laughter that followed made the spymaster take a step back as the Emperor rose from the throne, “Good, finally I have an excuse to kill him.”

“There’s more, my Lord.”

Min looked at the trembling man and raised a brow, “What?”

“Reports h-has come in and s-some say that they’ve seen her.”

“WHAT?!” Min roared and Lee fell to his knees with a whimper, “That bitch is still alive?!” He growled and swiped at a decorated vase, sending it flying across the room, “Not only did my brother, now her as well! Why doesn’t people know that when killed, you stay dead!”

Lee cowered before his Emperor as his shadow fell over him, “It’s fine. It’ll be fine.” Min sighed and placed a hand on his spymaster’s head, “You will send assassins after her.”

“Y-Yes, my Lord!”

“But if they fail, my dear spymaster, then you,” Min paused, grabbing Lee’s chin roughly, forcing him to look up, “You will pay for their mistakes with your life.”

“This is your tent.” Jin drew back the curtain and you walked inside, Shari in tow, “I know it’s a little small but it will be a couple of days before we leave.”

“To the Imperial City?” Shari asked, looking up at him.

“Yes.”

“Will I be fighting too?”

Jin gave her a small smile as he knelt down and ruffled her hair, “No. You will be staying where it’s safe.”

“But who will be protecting me?”

“Some of the soldiers.”

“Then I’d rather be out there fighting with you! I refuse to be near-”

“Shari.” You short call of her name made her mouth close quickly, “Why don’t you find Namjoon and ask for some water?”

Hesitantly, your handmaiden nodded and left the tent, leaving you and Jin alone. When she was out of earshot, you looked at Jin, “Shari doesn’t feel safe around soldiers.”

“I gathered as much… Why?” Jin asked and leaned against the pole that held the tent up.

You sighed quietly and turned your back to him, “Before becoming my handmaiden, she had a family but they were poor and like so many other poor people, she had to steal food.” You began untying your belt holding your kopis’, “One day, she had snuck into the palace barracks after having followed a tradewagon of food. She was spotted and didn’t get away.” Jin nodded as you continued, “She was put in front of the Emperor as she had trespassed into the Royal Grounds and attempted to steal from the Emperor himself.”

Jin shifted on his legs, beginning to feel unsettled, “What happened then?”

“The Emperor told the guards to ‘punish her however they saw fit’.” You told him and he felt a shiver run down his back, “I begged him to call it off, to punish me instead and let her go. I knew what those guards intended to do, Jin, I could smell it on them. The desire.” You felt sick to the stomach as you recalled it, “She had her clothes torn off, in the middle of the throne room and all the Emperor was doing, was laughing as she cried for help.”

“Please don’t tell me they-” He began, eyes tearing up.

“No. I stopped it before it got that far.” You cut him off and placed your belt on the table and you heard him murmur ‘how’, “I killed the one who was holding her down. Sliced his throat.”

Jin closed his eyes and shook his head, “And the others?”

“I killed them that same night.”

“And you?”

You stilled briefly, thinking it went unnoticed but Jin saw, “What did he do to you, Y/N?”

You ignored the question and continued, “Two nights later, her family’s house was burned down. With her family inside it.”

“Gods…” Jin exhaled, his heart breaking for the young girl, “So you took her in?” You nodded.

“She has no else but me, Jin. Shari has been there for me when I had no one. I owe her much.” You turned to face him, “Which is why I am warning you, should any harm come to her while under your soldier’s protection-”

“I promise that she will stay safe.” He quickly cut you off, “Please. Shari will be safe when we head into battle.” You stared at him for a moment, as if trying to gauge if he was truthful but then you nodded and walked past him, just in time as Shari entered the tent.

“Namjoon said he will have someone bring water to us, Mistress.” Shari told you and you smiled at her.

“Thank you, Shari.”

Jin pushed off from the pole and inclined his head, “I’ll be going then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As he left your tent, he felt deeply troubled by the fact that you had avoided his question concerning you. Just how much had you endured at the hands of Min?

He didn’t want to think about it.

“Did she say anything?” Yoongi’s voice startled him out of his thoughts and Jin whirled around to see his friend approach him, “I saw her kid leave the tent.”

“Are you stalking me?” Jin asked, crossing his arms as he raised a brow, “Or are you stalking her?”

Yoongi snorted and brushed past him, settling against a rack of weapons, “As if.”

“I’ve known you for over a decade, Yoongi.” Jin eyed his friend’s relaxed posture, “And I think you’re intrigued by her.” As his words settled, gone was the relaxed posture and his friend tumbled against the rack, almost causing it to fall over which resulted in Jin laughing out loud.

“I-I am not! She’s annoying, has a stick up her ass-”

“I think you want to be said stick.”

“Jin, I am warning you…” Yoongi trailed off, knowing by the grin Jin had, that his cheeks were tinted pink. Still, the older man held up his hands in surrender and Yoongi scoffed.

“But to answer your question, she told me of how she and Shari ended up together.” And so, Jin proceeded to retell the story to Yoongi.

Yoongi couldn’t sleep that night, thoughts running rampant in his mind, the story Jin had told him and the fact that you had avoided Jin’s question, troubled him. He knew his brother was a sick bastard.

But his mind ran wild with imaginations of what his brother had done to you and he felt sickened by it. It bothered him that it was all he could worry about when he was about to start a war in less than two days.

But he had also found a new kind of respect for you. To hear that you had willingly offered yourself for punishment to save a simple girl was not matching the image that he had created of you in his mind.

It actually proved it wrong.

And in a way, despite how horrifying that story was, he was glad that Jin had told him.

He wondered if there was more to you than just glares, snark comments and aloofness.

Why are people yelling, screaming and cheering at the asscrack of dawn? Was Yoongi’s first thought as he exited his tent, grumpy and still wrecked with sleep, “What the fuck is all this commotion?!” He yelled and some soldiers jogging by, stopped.

“There’s a fight happening, my Lord.”

“A fight? Who the fuck wants to fight each other before breakfast?”

The two soldiers glanced at each other and one of them spoke, “Jimin and the Lady and… It’s midday, my Lord.”

Yoongi rubbed one eye with hand, “Midday-” He looked up and squinted at the sun, “It’s midday… Shit.”

“Was there anything else you needed, my Lord?”

He waved his hand, “No and don’t call me that, I’m no Lord.” The soldiers saluted and ran off and Yoongi turned on his heel, heading back into his tent when he froze, “Jimin and Y/N? Fighting?”

He ran, following the stream of soldiers and he saw the large group of people, forming an arena around the two fighters. Grunting, he pushed his way through the crowd and reached the centre.

You grunted with effort as you pushed Jimin off you, “Gotta be faster than that, rabbit.” You goaded and took a defensive stan and Jimin attacked you again with a swift kick aimed at your stomach but you intercepted it with one hand and wrapped your other hand around his thigh and pulled.

Yoongi watched as you hurdled Jimin down onto the ground with a cry, creating a wave of dust at impact and he shielded his eyes.

“So far, it looks like she’s winning this round.” He heard Jin’s voice and looked around, trying to spot him and he saw him stand next to Namjoon and Jackson a few feet away.

“Why the fuck are they fighting?” Yoongi asked when he approached them, causing all three men to whip around to face him.

“Ah, overslept again, I see. Bad habit.” Namjoon stated with a shrug.

“They’re sparring, my dear friend.” Jin clarified and drew Yoongi in with an arm around his shoulder, “Come! Join us!”

“In what?”

“Betting on who is going to win this last round. So far the score is 1-1 so this is the last round.” Jin said with a grin, “I’d bet on Y/N. She’s been throwing Jimin around this round like he’s wet paper.”

“Jimin clearly has the upperhand and is simply dragging out the time!” Jungkook joined them, “Everyone knows that he’s the best damn close-combat fighter in these lands.”

Namjoon looked at the youngest Aspect just as Jimin was crawling out of the hole you had put him in, “I wouldn’t quite say that, Jungkook. You see, Y/N and Jimin trained together back when they were younger.”

Yoongi looked at him, “How do you know?”

“He told me. I was curious as of how they knew each other.” He explained with a bored expression.

“Yes, and apparently they were lovers at one point too.” Jackson grumbled angrily, “But I am going to make her my woman! No rabbit will stand in my way.”

Yoongi didn’t know if he wanted to hit Jackson or not, “You can’t force her to be your anything if she doesn’t want to.”

Jackson shifted his eyes from the fight to Yoongi, “I will not force her. I will make her fall for me with my charms. I’m sure you could learn a thing or two, young Dragon.”

Yoongi opened his mouth but Jin was quick to place his hand over it, turning his head to you and Jimin, “Alright, that’s enough kids.”

Jimin wiped the sweat off his brow and chuckled, “I see you haven’t gotten completely rusty on your old days, Y/N.”

“Did you just call me old, Jimin?” You asked as you began to circle each other, “We both know I was always the better fighter.”

“Not true. I’ve beaten you plenty of times.”

“That was years ago.”

You set off and Jimin jumped backwards, turning his body midair, avoiding your charge and you put one foot to the ground, whirling around, just in time to block a punch from him.

“We can keep going like this all day, Y/N.” He noted as you huffed, straining against his fist in your hand, “Or I can at least.”

“I am not tired, if that’s what you’re insinuating.”

You headbutted him, hard, causing him to groan and stumble back but you gave him no breathing room as you charged at him again, wrapping your arms around his midsection at you collided with his body.

Jimin grabbed your shoulders as he placed his feet solidly on the ground, halting you and then he aimed a well-placed kneecap right into your stomach, sending you flying upwards into the air. You maneuvered yourself to land safely on both feet, a distance away from him.

The crowd began cheering but it quickly died down when your eyes began to glow green and the crowd moved outwards, creating a greater distance between you and them.

“Oh, so you want to fight dirty now?” Jimin yelled but stomped the ground with a foot, causing it to tremble slightly, his own eyes flashing pink, “Let’s go then.”

“Now it’s getting interesting.” Jin clapped his hands and smiled excitedly.

“You enjoy violence way to much, my friend.” Namjoon noted and shook his head.

At that very second, the sparring contest jumped up to a whole new level, ditching any slow movements, doubts or hesitations to leave room for two living blurs chaining blows and blocks at astonishing speed.

After a long moment spent out of time, you could hardly tell if it'd been one minute or one hour, you decided that you had enjoyed yourselves enough and impulsively went on the offensive. Jimin, still focused on the playful yet deadly dancing, noticed too late that the game part was over... He received a powerful blow in the ribs and growled with anger.

"Good one!” He groaned, frowning at her at the second he counterattacked.

You dodged him and resumed into a regular exchange of blocked blows, only this time much more violent... and aiming at hurting. You had struck without restraint, which meant you'd put enough strength in your fist to break his bones. Good thing he was an Aspect, because had he been human, he would have had a broken rib or three.

He kept playing cat and mouse with you until the right opportunity: he seized your right arm as he blocked it and pulled you toward him. Thrown off balance, you reacted by sending your knee right between Jimin’s legs.

Jimin froze on place as a wave of immense pain spread from his groin, "Really?" He managed to get out.

But he didn't have time to waste as you used his temporary loss of control to grab him and send him flying across the arena. People were quick to move out of the way and he crashed heavily against a couple of tents that fell or broke upon impact. Jimin clenched his teeth to keep his pain silent and shook his head to clear his thoughts just in time to see you rush toward him to try and finish the match before he was back in the game. Jimin dodged your leg that created a small hole in the ground and got up on his feet and leaped toward you, taking advantage of your precarious balance to grip your waist with both his arms and pin you on the ground.

You fell, entangled, and struggled on the dirt to take the upper hand. You finally got it, straddled him and threw a powerful punch toward his jaw. But your friend deflected it with his free arm and countered with a strong head butt.

Unfortunately for him, you were… pretty hard-headed.

“You can do better, Jimin.”

Then Jimin lifted his right leg in your back, placed it between your chests and gripped your neck in the bend of his knee before pushing you backwards. You saw the danger come; if you let the man block your head between his strong legs, you could very well lose the match.

You resisted the movement, all the effort concentrated in your abdominal muscles, then used your hands and arms to free yourself while sending your foot to Jimin’s jaw for good measure. You heard him growl as you rolled on the side and stood up. Jimin jumped to his feet and rubbed his jaw soothingly before joking, “You’re really trying to damage my handsome face.”

“It’ll heal.”

And you attacked, even faster, even stronger, to the crowd’s general amazement, trying more and more daring and risky moves to find a way past the each other's defenses. You both sometimes took the upper hand, but the more time passed, the more you gained the advantage over him, hurting his weak spots with the precision of a striking cobra. Jimin scored some good hits too, like the full-powered kick he'd managed to land on your shoulder and which had sent you staggering, the loud crack indicating that he had dislocated it.

You simply but it back in place with a small hiss.

Nevertheless, Jimin started to feel the match was escaping him. While he began to tire under your constant assaults, your energy seemed endless. You really were a formidable opponent.

You exchanged a new flurry of blows until he missed a block and took an uppercut fully charged in the throat, followed by another in his chest. The first cut his breathing for a short instant, the next caused a loud crack to echo through the camp and he immediately knew – through the sound and the intolerable pain that flooded his veins – that you actually managed break a pair of his ribs. He staggered and fell on his knees, coughing and grunting in pain.

He saw you hesitate; you’d heard the terrible noise but he could tell you really wanted to win this match. He knew why it was so important to you, that the soldiers and the other Aspects needed to believe in your strength, to assert yourself in a powerful position.

In the end, it seemed your fear to have badly wounded him superseded your determination and you moved closer to check he was okay. Your softness were really your biggest weakness.

Jimin sprung like a tiger on it’s prey. He had you.

But you had anticipated the deception this time – you knew him too well – and you leaped backwards, moving out of his reach. You both landed on your feet and observed each other.

Even with a few broken ribs, your friend would have no trouble trading blows until he saw an opportunity to immobilize you, so you had to be careful.

You could feel the audience holding their breath around you, waiting like statues for something to happen.

It seemed like you had to use the element of surprise.

Jimin was taking his sweet time to approach, knowing that rushing would only give you the chance to dodge and escape. You observed him intently, seemingly trying to figure him out. He could almost hear the wheels of your brain turning faster.

Then suddenly, he stood within striking distance, he focused and attacked, fist first so he could follow up with a kick to block your escape. You evaded the blow at the last second, but not in the way he'd anticipated.

You jumped. High.

Then you fell. On him. Legs wide open.

Jimin was so surprised he missed the only half-a-second long window that could have gotten him out of there, and suddenly his nose and mouth collided with your lower stomach while your legs closed around his neck. Your entire body suddenly weighed on his shoulders, and you used your momentum to accentuate the movement and make him topple backwards.

Almost slowly, Jimin took three steps back and, unable to keep his balance, collapsed on the ground. His back slammed against the ground, the impact only dampened by the presence of your legs crossed against his nape. You then bent forward to evade your victim's leg swings and kicks, and a large smirk appeared on your face.

“You give up?” You asked, still smirking.

“Yes, I tap out.” He rolled his eyes and felt you dislodge yourself from him. The crowd began cheering when you helped him back on your feet, your eyes having returned to their natural color.

“I am going to marry that woman. Gods, I am so hard right now.” Jackson mumbled, staring at you as you talked to Jimin.

“Gross, Jackson. Really? Ugh.” Jin scowled.

Yoongi ignored all of them but he had to agree with Jackson. He too, had never been so hard as he was at that moment.

After the fight, Jimin had invited you to a walk. You had your right hand placed on his forearm as he walked beside you, through the noisy camp, soldiers and horses running around you. The tension in the camp had heightened since you arrived, clearly anticipated for the battle.

You didn’t want to think about that now.

“How have you been all these years?” You asked him, looking up at him. He was just as handsome as you remembered him, even with dirt and sweat spattered across his face.

“I’ve been good. Busy. But good.” He said with a smile and glanced down at you, “And you?”

You slowly looked away from him and ahead, “I’ve been… Surviving.” Jimin’s smile faded, “Yeah. Surviving.”

“Y/N… Why didn’t you come to me?” He placed his other hand upon the one that rested on his forearm, “I could have helped you.”

“No, you couldn’t. I had just helped you escape from him and I would only have put you in danger had I sought you out. I didn’t want to endanger anyone else.” You shook your head, “I feared that he might have found you and killed you after you disappeared.”

“I have a friend, Taehyung and he took me in, helped me heal and get back on my feet but since I had no lands left, I sort of remained with him until Yoongi arrived on his doorstep, asking us to be a part of his rebellion.” Jimin explained.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him, Jimin.” Your head hung low as he slowed down, “I tried but he wouldn’t listen.” You closed your eyes, “You lost everything.” Your voice trembled slightly as your heart constricted painfully in your chest.

“Hey.” He put a finger under your chin to make you look at him, “Not everything. I have you, don’t I?” You nodded, blinking, and Jimin was quick to wipe away the single tear that fell, “I have Tae, Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, even Jackson. I got a wife and a kid on the way.”

“You what?” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you tell me?” You hit his arm and he laughed, “You tell me this now?!”

“Sorry, I didn’t tell you sooner.” He smiled and tugged you gently along as he began walking, “What about you, Y/N? Any bachelors?”

You snorted, loudly, “I haven’t really been lucky in that aspect, Jimin, and after the last one, it has sort of been the last thing on my mind.”

“Really? Hm, we should change that. What about Jackson?”

“As handsome as he might be, he’s a little too aggressive for my tastes.”

“Jungkook?”

“Too young.”

“My friend, Taehyung is still unmarried but I don’t think the two of you will get along very well.”

“Why?”

“He’s the Goat Aspect.”

You chuckled softly, “You’re right about that one.”

“Hm. What about Yoongi?”

You almost tripped over your own feet at the mention of his name, “The brother of the man who ruined my life? What a good idea, Jimin.”

Jimin frowned and stopped walking, “Yoongi is not like his brother, Y/N. He is a good man, albeit a little…”

“Cold? Rude? Pig-headed?”

“Yeah, that but he’s kind, compassionate and strong-willed. He actually reminds me of you.”

You threw your head back and laughed, “Please. He and I are not alike. He could have stopped his brother from killing their father but he didn’t. Instead, he let it happen and got banished from the palace. He could have stopped Min from doing all of the terrible things he’s done but no, he didn’t even try. It’s a miracle he’s mustered up the balls to finally do something.”

Jimin looked thoughtful for a moment before he spoke, “Yoongi actually tried to kill his brother that day he killed their father.” Your eyes widened and all humour left your face, “But Min… Killed him.”

“B-But how? He’s alive-”

“Magic.” He simply stated.

You reeled back, “Magic like that is forbidden and for good reason…”

“A life for a life.”

“Who…?”

“His mother.” Jimin sighed and it felt like all the air had been punched out of your lungs, “After Min killed Yoongi, he threw him into the river. Jin found him a couple of days later, floating in the river. He pulled him from the river and brought him into his house. At first he contemplated of burning him but… He was contacted by the Empress.”

“How? She remained in the palace-”

“She was a witch.” Your eyes widened at the revelation, “Yeah. There weren’t many magic users left back then but she was one of the few.” Jimin continued, “She made Jin take an oath to keep Yoongi safe until the time was right.” Jimin paused and looked at you, “So don’t say that Yoongi didn’t try.”

“But why now?”

“He was scared. Like you. He still is. So… Cut him slack.”

“We haven’t really… talked that much. Mostly fought, actually.” You snickered but it was hollow, “I may have treated him with contempt. Because he looks like him…”

“And you know that’s wrong.”

“Yes.”

“You know, maybe you should reach out to him, try to make him understand you a little better. Try to be friends. History tells us that the Snake and Dragon were always good friends.”

“That’s putting the bar a little high, Jimin. I’ll just begin with being a little nicer to him.”

“That’s my girl.”

Yoongi was, mildly speaking, having an existential crisis. Okay, maybe not that extreme but he was certainly having a crisis.

About you.

Okay, so maybe Jin was right. He was intrigued by you. He could even admit that he was attracted to you, as was proven by his earlier predicament. He had never seen such elegance and strength before, certainly not in a fight. Sure, you and Jimin were both excellent fighters but you… You had truly stolen his focus.

He still found you annoying and uptight but perhaps that would change with time as he got to know you.

He wanted to know more about you.

“Fancy meeting you here.” Your voice startled him and he visibly flinched, “Did I startle you? Good.” You snickered.

He expected you to walk away but instead, you approached him and sat down next to him in the soft grass.

“You are really annoying.” Yoongi said, sparing you a glance. You had changed your outfit. You were no longer clad in a bodytight suit that accentuated your curves, breast or ass.

Frankly spoken, he was glad that you had changed. He didn’t want a raging boner again.

Now you were dressed in a simple, long dress and your hair cascaded down your shoulders. You looked relaxed.

“So are you.” You retorted and shot him a glare, “Did you see the fight earlier?”

“I did.”

“I didn’t see you.”

“Oh, so you were looking for me?” Yoongi smirked and turned his head to look at you, taking much pleasure in how you sputtered and shook your head wildly.

“Absolutely not.”

“Hm.”

A moment of silence passed and you felt uneasy under his sharp eyes, shifting in the grass.

“Are you scared of me, Y/N?”

You froze at the question and opened your mouth to answer but decided to close it again. Yoongi took your silence as his answer and moved to get up when your hand grabbed his wrist.

“I am not scared of you… As per say.” You began, looking at him with pleading eyes, asking him silently to stay, “But you look exactly like him and… sometimes my mind thinks you are him.”

“I am not him.” Yoongi said but sat back down next to you.

“I know that! But that still doesn’t change the fact that you look exactly like the man that....” You trailed off, not wanting to venture out where you couldn’t go back.

“The man that what?” He pushed and he saw you pale, “Y/N, what did my brother do to you?”

You whispered something and at first he didn’t hear it but he heard it the second time.

“He ruined me.” You murmured weakly and gone was the strong, pig-headed woman he had only seen up till now. You were shaking, pale and afraid.

“He… ruined you?”

You rubbed your arms, suddenly feeling cold to the bones, “Your brother was once my betrothed but you already know that, I’m sure. My family thought that it would be a good match and an honor to have their daughter marry the Emperor and thus I was sent to the palace 3 months before the wedding would take place, to prepare me for the grandiose honor of becoming Empress.” You let out a short, emotionless laugh, “Empress. I was supposed to be nothing more but a trophy. He treated me as such as well. A thing... A plaything that he could burn, flog, cut and beat until I was drowning in a sea of my own blood. To torture endlessly until he grew bored of it. But none of that broke me… It wasn’t until he forced himself upon me that my spirit broke.”

Your eyes teared up but you continued, “It happened once and it was after I had betrayed him by helping Jimin escape from the palace. He thought giving me 12 lashes wasn’t enough. I had to be taught a lesson.”

Yoongi closed his eyes, wishing and regretting he asked, “And that was when I began to fear him.”

“Y/N…”

“Your brother not only scarred my body to the point where I can’t even stand to look at it, he also-”

“Y/N, stop!” Yoongi raised his voice, “That’s enough.” His voice trembled, wrought with emotion, “Stop. Please.”

You turned your head to look at him as he took your hand in his, his thumb gliding over your palm in an effort to comfort you. It didn’t comfort you and when you saw the emotions swirling in his eyes; the sorrow, the sympathy, you broke down.

Yoongi didn’t know what to do when you leaned into his side, crying softly, your hand clenching his strongly as if you needed him to keep you anchored, so your emotions didn’t get the better of you.

He hushed you gently as you wept and he stayed with you until the last of your tears had dried up.

You sat in comfortable silence, your head placed on his shoulder and you breathed in deeply, feeling slightly light-headed.

“I was wrong about you and for that, I apologize.” He said softly, clenching your hand within his.

You simply hummed in response and closed your eyes, silently wishing the moment to last a little bit longer.

Jin noticed a change between you and Yoongi. It all began when he saw you smiling a tiny smile in Yoongi’s direction that morning and the Dragon’s own lips tugged upwards. Then his friend had walked over to you and placed a hand on your shoulder and Jin expected you to send Yoongi flying, but you didn’t. Instead you let it linger there as the two of you talked.

Then Yoongi leaned in closer and whispered something in your ear that made you flustered and now you actually hit him.

Just not with full force. Which Jin had expected. No, you simply swiped your arm leisurely at his shoulder while Yoongi was smiling at you.

What was this?

The Ox kept a close eye on you throughout the day as it passed by. The two of you would walk, side by side, through the camp while Yoongi talked to you about his journey that led him here. He told you of how he had gathered the other Aspects and of how the rest would meet them at the city. Jin also noticed how your hand lingered on Yoongi’s arm, as you listened intently to what he was saying.

“Is it just me or are those two actually being… Friendly?” Jackson asked, eyes locked on you and Yoongi walking amongst the tents, “That’s quite a change over the span of a few days…”

“Are you scared he might steal her from you?” Jungkook smiled at Jackson, “I think he might.” That earned him a hard hit on the shoulder, “Ow.”

“Shut up, mutt. I refuse to believe that Y/N would fall for someone like him.”

“And what if she does? What then?” Jin levelled a hard stare at Jackson, “I actually think they make quite the pair.”

“His brother-”

“His brother is his own person, Jackson. You know this. Now Y/N does too. Let them be.”

“You know, you actually surprise me, Yoongi.”

“How so?”

“I didn’t expect you to be this smart. I actually kind of expected you to be quite… Dumb.”

“You surprise me as well.”

“Do tell.”

“You’re even more annoying once one get to know you.”

You slapped his arm but there was a smile on your lips, “It’s a part of my charm, thank you very much.”

“You are actually, quite charming.” His compliment made your cheeks heat up. He’s been doing that a lot lately. Complimenting you, that is.

And it made butterflies erupt in your stomach.

You didn’t know what to make of it.

“I have a question, Y/N.”

You looked at him with a tilt of your head, “Ask away.”

“What will you do after?” Yoongi glanced at you, “If we win.”

You hardly doubted that it would be a hard-earned victory. You had no doubt that people would die.

But somewhere, something told you that you would win.

“I… Don’t know. I mean, Shari and I have been on the run for so long, that I can’t imagine us doing anything else but…” You paused and looked off, into the distance, watching the setting sun, “I could see myself in a house, with Shari, tending to our garden.”

“No husband?” He asked.

You chewed your lip, “Maybe. If the right one comes along.” You felt him shift beside you, “What about you? What are your plans once you become Emperor?”

“I don’t plan to become Emperor.”

Your head whipped towards him, eyes wide, “W-What? Surely you must be jesting, Yoongi. Who else is there but you?”

“I can make a whole list of people who would be a better Emperor than I.” He declared and shrugged, “I don’t want to be Emperor. I never wanted that.”

“There are many that would disagree with you. Myself, included.” You stated, placing a hand on top of his, “But that is up to you. No one can or will force you.”

Yoongi smiled slowly, “Thank you.”

“What do you want then?”

He hummed and leaned back, resting against the tree that towered over you, “I want many things. To travel the world. Learn new languages. Meet new people. I want to settle down, own a farm or something like that.”

“You really want it all?”

“I want it all.” He parroted you, his brown eyes shifting from you to the sun, “Nothing less.”

“Then you shall have it all, Yoongi.”

Later that evening, a couple of hours after sunset, Shari pounced you the minute you entered your tent and you yelped, “Ah! Hello.”

“Miffed u, istres.” She mumbled into your cloak and you chuckled when she drew her head back and looked up at you, “You’ve been gone for almost the whole day.” She pouted as you patted her head.

“Namjoon hasn’t been entertaining you enough?” You asked as she let go of you, shaking your head at her small ‘no’, “You know it’s not very polite to be ungrateful, Shari. Namjoon offered to teach you to read and write all by himself.”

“I know, Mistress but it’s more fun when it’s you.”

You huffed out a laugh and took off your cloak, putting it on your bed, “I’ll teach you once this war is over with, I promise.”

“Yay!” Shari clapped her hands and you smiled at her excitement but then it died down and she looked solemn, “We’re leaving tomorrow…” She murmured and you walked over to her and knelt down, “I-I’m nervous.”

“I know. Me too.”

“What if you die?”

You cupped her cheek, “I won’t.”

“Promise?”

You kissed her cheek, “Promise.” and Shari graced you with a small smile, “Now, how about a bath? You stink.”

“That was rude, Mistress. You could use a bath yourself.” She scowled at you but her eyes lit up at the mention of a bath, “But I forgot my soap.”

“You can borrow mine.” You winked at her as she cheered, “It’ll be just a minute.”

“Ugh.”

“You can ahead and head towards the stream. Don’t leave the camp though. Stay within the light of the torches.” You told her and she was almost halfway out the entrance when you called to her, “And take my cloak. It’s a little cold outside.”

“What about you then?”

You snickered, “I’m going to be fine.”

Shari grabbed your cloak and ran outside as she struggled to put it on. She breathed in deeply, the scent of your vanilla soap and lotus perfume lingering on the cloak and hugged it tightly to her body. She pulled the hood over her head and headed towards the edge of the camp.

Sharp eyes landed on the hooded figure and grinned as he recognized the cloak. He dipped the arrow head in the bottle of acid and notched it, taking aim.

“This is almost too easy.”

You exited your tent, a cloth bag in your hand containing your soaps as you headed towards the edge of camp, looking forward to a nice bath and some time alone with Shari.

But then you heard someone yell and saw soldiers run by you. You picked up your pace but that was when you smelled it.

Blood.

You dropped the bag onto the ground and bolted, not giving a single care to the gathered people as you shoved them away, your heart beating wildly in your chest as you prayed to the Gods that what you feared was not-

You stopped. Stopped breathing. Stopped moving. Stopped thinking.

There, on the ground, lay a small body, wearing your cloak, in a pool of her own blood. You saw the arrow in her back, smelled the acid that had burned a hole into her chest.

You screamed. Loudly. You fell to your knees next to Shari’s body and turned her around, weeping loudly as you saw her lifeless eyes stare up at you, “No… No… Please… No.”

You pulled her to your chest, hugging her tightly, “Shari, wake up.” You whispered brokenly, shaking her gently but the only thing that moved was a single trail of blood from her mouth.

You cupped the back of her head, pulling it to you and buried your face in her hair as the hood fell from her head and wept.

Jin and Yoongi pushed their way through the crowd but halted the second they saw you cradling Shari’s body, weeping loudly, whimpering, begging her to wake up.

Jin’s eyes teared up and he took a deep breath, his eyelids closing as a stray tear ran down his cheek.

Yoongi slowly walked over to you and knelt down, his knees sinking into blood-soaked dirt and he slowly put a hand on your shoulder. You didn’t move as you kept looking at Shari’s face, “Please don’t leave me.” You sobbed.

“Y/N.” He said but you shook your head.

Yoongi looked down at the young girl, taking in her pained expression that was etched onto her face, her last moment. He took a deep breath before glancing at Jin over his shoulder, “Find the one who did this and bring them to me.”

Jin nodded and left.

Dawn came and you stood atop a hill, holding a torch and looked up, seeing the funeral pyre for the first time. You slowly walked over to it and looked down at the body that lay atop of it.

You heard Jin behind you, beginning his parting words. You tuned them out and took one last longing look at Shari’s face. She looked peaceful, with her eyes closed, her face clean, her hair done neatly in a braid. You could hear her bubbling laughter on the wind as it blew and you let your eyes close as you put the torch to the pyre and let it drop to the ground, stepping away.

Yoongi walked up to you, standing beside you, his head bowed. He could hear your shuddering breaths and he let his hand brush yours gently, offering his support in silence.

You took his hand interlaced your fingers as you silently let tears roll down your cheeks, watching the pyre carry the ashes of her to somewhere far away and you prayed, silently, that wherever it was, Shari had everything that she dreamed of.

Jungkook held the curtain to the tent aside and you walked in, accompanied by Yoongi, Jin, Namjoon, Jimin and Jackson.

“I chased him down after… what happened.” The young man said softly, You said nothing but simply walked over to the bound man and looked down at him. He looked up and his eyes widened when he saw you stand in front of him.

“He’s yours to do with as you please.” Yoongi stated.

You nodded and they took this as the cue to leave the tent. You sat down graciously in front of the man and removed the cloth from his mouth.

“How is this possible? I killed you.” His voice was dry and trembling as you calmly stared at him.

“You failed.” You explained, your voice cold as ice.

“I-I…”

“And now you will die.”

“You don’t scare me, snake,” He spat the word but there was still a sliver of fear in his tone, “The Emperor would have killed me anyway for failing him.”

You nodded slowly and pulled out a small vial, filled with a green substance, “Yes. He would probably beheaded you or have you hanged.” You removed the lid from the bottle and raised it up between your faces, “What I intend to do is much worse.” Your eyes flashed green as they met his, “Do you know what my poison does to a human body? It’s much like the concoction you used but much more potent. It will melt your insides, organ by organ, muscles by muscle, bone by bone until there is nothing of you.” You scoffed, “To think that he believed it would be strong enough to kill me is pathetic.”

The man opened his mouth, “Long live the Emper-” You grabbed his jaw roughly, forcing his mouth wide open with ease and he whimpered pathetically.

“Your Emperor won’t live for long. Neither will you.” You said slowly and moved the tiny bottle to his mouth, “Now drink up.”

You emptied the vial into his mouth and made sure that he swallowed it all.

You heard the rustling of the curtain to your tent, feet stepping onto the carpet, making the dirt beneath it crunch. You didn’t move when he placed a small plate of gravy in front of you, on the table you sat by.

“You need to eat.” Yoongi said softly, “You need the strength.”

“I’m not hungry.”

He sighed, “Y/N.” But you didn’t say another word, simply staring at the wall of the tent. Then he saw your hands move in your lap and he spotted one of Shari’s blouses in your hands.

You flinched when you felt him put a hand on top of yours, his face entering your vision as he gently turned your head with a finger under your chin. You looked at him, taking in how the light from the torch in the middle of the tent casted his soft, feline like features in a golden light. You saw how his eyes portrayed emotions so easily and just how easy it was to read them: his own heart filled with sorrow and regret.

Yoongi saw your lower lip beginning to tremble as tears gathered in your eyes, “She’s gone.” You began, voice a mere whisper, “I promised her that she would stay safe and I failed. I promised to protect her and I failed.” The more you spoke, the more tears flowed freely, “And it’s my fault. It’s my fault, Yoongi. I let her go. I made her put on my cloak… It’s my fault.”

“No, hey, no.” He cupped your face, kneeling down beside you, thumbs gently wiping away your tears, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

“I should have known that he would-”

“No. None of that. It is not your fault.”

“You don’t understand… Shari was the only thing that I had left.” You inhaled, soft noises escaping from you as you broke down, “I have nothing.”

“You have me, Y/N.” Yoongi pulled you to him and you desperately swung your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder, “You have me.” He repeated as you wailed loudly, “You have me.” He felt your hands grip onto his shirt tightly, your wails muffled by the cloth.

To have him there, next to you, his presence and warm body, coupled with his words, it all washed over you like a warm blanket, shielding you from the hurt, the pain, the ache. It all seemed to lessen with each second.

You sniffled and drew back. Your arms shifted, moving your hands to his chest and you crossed the small space between you, placing a kiss to his lips.

Yoongi’s eyes widened but he didn’t move, seemingly frozen in your hold. Your lips, wet and tasting like salt, glided from his lips to his jaw, to his temple, to his ear and you whispered, “Make me forget. Please.”

He exhaled a shaky breath, “Are you sure?”

You nodded.

He pushed you back gently, his eyes searching yours for any uncertainty and when he found none, he pulled you to him, his lips collided with yours and a spark lit in his abdomen.

You whimpered softly into the kiss, feeling his tongue grace your lower lip, begging, pleading for entrance and when you granted it, you tasted him and a whole slew of colors exploded behind your lids. He pulled you up with him, his hands finding purchase on your hips as he guided you backwards, mouths still connected, to the bed and he broke the kiss to lay you down gently on the the soft mattress and he crawled over you.

You reached out for him, hands desperately trying to remove the shirt from his body and he let pull it over his head. He hissed when your hands glided up his stomach, over his dusky nipples and dipped his head, capturing your lips once more but this time with more ferocity.

Your skin tingled with excitement as Yoongi began to untie your robe but you froze when you felt his cool hands on your stomach.

He pulled away from your lips, “What’s wrong?”

You looked down and he followed your gaze, eyes widening slightly when he saw the many scars across your stomach and chest.

His heart twisted painfully when you began to close your robe, “No. Don’t.”

“I shouldn’t have asked you. I’m sorry.” You turned your head away as you couldn’t bare to meet his eyes, “It’s hideous.”

“No, it’s not.” He leaned forward and nuzzled the valley between your breasts, “You’re beautiful.” He kissed the skin there and ventured further down, planting soft butterfly kisses on each scar , pushing your hands away and let your robe fall open. He placed a kiss above your navel and gazed up at you. The intensity in his eyes and how they darkened with desire made your breath hitch.

You sat up and let the robe fall from your shoulders, laying back down you watched as he untied the ribbon that held your trousers up, slowly pulling them down, placing a kiss to each expanse of skin that was being revealed to him.

“Beautiful.” He murmured against your thigh, moving back so he could remove your trousers and he threw them to the ground and returned to you, pushing your legs apart.

Your hands shot down to hide yourself from his gaze, embarrassed at how he eyed your center with such hunger but he growled and slapped them away.

He placed himself between your fleshy thighs, taking in how your folds already glistened in the torch light, “I want to taste you.” He said, his voice deep and rough and it sent a shiver through you, “Can I?”

You nodded slowly and almost choked on a breath when you felt a finger run down your center, avoiding the aching bud, “Y-Yoongi…”

Yoongi didn’t waste more time as he dove in, his tongue circling around your clit and you let out a groan. He then slid one finger into your weeping cunt, moaning loudly when your hips bucked against his face and when he added another, you let out a mewl.

“Please.” You begged. Yoongi continued to lick your clit and pushing his fingers in and out of you, feeling you grow more wet under his onslaught.

Then he removed his mouth from your clit and his fingers from your cunt and you almost cried out when you felt his tongue push inside you, lapping up your juices, “Ah!”

Yoongi gazed up at you and almost came in his pants then and there; to see your face, contorted in pleasure, pleasure that he was giving you, your hands fisting your robe in desperation and the sounds that erupted from your mouth as he continued to eat you out.

You felt something building in your abdomen. It felt hot, tightening and you feared it would snap. He felt it too when your walls clenched around his tongue and he placed a thumb on your clit, rubbing in circles.

“Hngh - I’m going to cum.” You warned him, voice raspy and throat dry.

“Then cum.” He commanded.

He continued to lap at your center as your back arched off the bed, mouth open in a silent scream. He drinks every drop that gushed out of you and only removed himself when you whimpered pathetically.

Yoongi crawled up your body, placing a kisses on his way and you put your hands around his neck when he kissed your jaw. You could feel his hard cock against your stomach, straining against the fabric of his pants and you sighed blissfully.

He kissed you then, mouth open, tongue invading yours, letting out a grunt when he felt your hands touch his cock over his pants.

“I - Hmp.” He silenced you quickly with his mouth but you pushed against his chest with your hand, “I want to-”

“Later. I need to be inside you.” He grumbled and removed himself from you and you had never seen a man shed his pants so fast in your life, eyes widening as you saw the size of him but you quickly found yourself caged under him again, his mouth on yours, arms resting beside your head. You felt the tip prod your entrance and whimpered.

“Yoongi, hurry up.” You huffed when his lips dislodged from yours and he grinned cheekily as one of his hands went down to grab his cock and line it up with your entrance. Your mouth dropped open when you felt him breach you, slowly, your walls clamping down on him tightly.

“Gods...” He hissed as he pushed deeper into you until his hips were flush against yours and he stilled, letting you get accustomed to him.

You put your legs around his narrow hips, hands venturing up his arms to his shoulders, “Move.”

He pulled out and thrust back in and all the air left your lungs. He set a slow and languid pace, head bending down to nibble at your collarbones while you gasped with each thrust, your cunt weeping onto the mattress. The blazing fire began to build in your lower stomach again but you needed more.

“Faster.” You huffed out, licking your dry lips. Yoongi looked at you and you saw uncertainty flash in his eyes, “I can take it.”

“As you wish.” He nodded and leaned back on his heels, removing your legs around him, moaning loudly as he looked down to where you were joined as he drew back, his cock glistening with your arousal, “Fuck.” He gritted out as he slammed back in.

You keened as his pace increased, your back arching, legs trembling as he held them spread for him, his cock leaving no crevice untouched as he fucked you.

You let out a cry when he shifted his angle and his cock hit a spot that made you see stars, “Don’t stop!”

He chuckled but that quickly changed into a groan when your walls clamped down around him, “Are you close, my sweet snake?”

You nodded wildly, your hands trying to find something to hold onto as you felt like floating. He put one of your legs on his shoulder and held onto it, nails digging deep into your thigh and fucked you harder. His balls tightened and he knew he didn’t have long but he needed you to give him one last orgasm.

So he moved his other hand and started playing with your clit and you let out a wail as you came, the blazing fire finally erupting and setting all of your nerves on fire. Yoongi cursed as your walls clamped down on him like a vice and he thrust a couple of times before he let out a groan, spilling his cum inside you, filling you up.

He fell forward, your chests rubbing against it each as you both breathed heavily, coming down from your highs.

He kissed you and rolled to the side, his softening cock leaving your cunt and you let out a tiny whimper.

“Thank you.” You whispered and turned over to face him, offering a tired but satisfied smile. He smiled back and let you scoot closer, resting your head on his chest.

“Stay.” You murmured.

Yoongi kissed your forehead, “Gladly.”

You stared at the closed gates of the Imperial City, seeing the soldiers running on the high walls, preparing for a siege as ballistas and archers lined up along the walls.

You felt anticipation for the upcoming battle. It wasn’t going to be easy.

“What about the people?” You asked as Jin appeared next to you, “Thousands of innocents will die.”

Jin hummed, “I have men in the city that are taking the civilians underground, to the catacombs.”

“You really have thought of everything.” You noted and Jin grinned.

“Actually, that was Namjoon. Gotta use his big brain for something.” He turned and walked back to the tent where the rest of the Aspects stood along with some new additions: Taehyung, the Goat Aspect, Hoseok, the Horse Aspect, Anduin, the Pig Aspect, Wrynn, the Sheep Aspect and Dina, the Rooster Aspect.

“The trebuchets are ready.” Dina said as it was her that had brought the majority of the weapons, “As is the ram.”

“Good.” Jackson nodded, “Then I’d say let’s get started.”

It was chaos. The ram had been a failure and countless of soldiers had already lost their lives and the gate was still standing as was the walls. You were growing frustrated and knew that something had to be done.

Something drastic.

“Jin!” You called out across the battlefield, eyes quickly finding the man amidst the soldiers, “We need to open that gate!”

“If you haven’t noticed, the ram was a failure!” He yelled back.

“I know but how about you use your thick skull and big brain for once and bash it open?!”

Jin’s eyes widened and he mulled over the idea, “Yeah… That could work but what about the soldiers?! I don’t want to tramble them.”

You rolled your eyes, “Everyone! Draw back! Fall back from the walls!” Your command echoed with the other Aspects as they commanded their soldiers and Jin nodded and ran towards the gate whereas others ran away from it.

You watched as he got closer and closer, dodging arrows with relative ease but when they began firing the ballistas at him, you grew fearful. He had to change.

Then he vanished in a dust cloud and you heard a loud, booming bellow and saw his Aspect form charge right into the gates, bursting them open.

“Everyone! Charge!” You heard the command and bolted towards the open gates, watching as Jin trampled down one of the walls, creating more entrance points for the soldiers.

The General of the Emperor’s army was quickly remobilizing his soldiers and they charged towards you, storming out of the gate in waves.

You drew your kopis’ and vaulted over debris, diving down with a cry, sinking your weapons into an enemy soldier, his blood spattering on your face.

Then you heard a horn sound behind you and you looked back to see the cavalry beginning to charge with Hoseok at the front, his spear glinting in the sun.

You smirked and yanked your kopis’ out of the body, letting it fall to the ground and proceeded to run further into the city.

Gritting your teeth, you fought your way through the enemy soldiers, never losing sight of where you had to go.

The Imperial Palace.

“My Lord, they have breached the city.”

“I can see that, you idiot!”

Emperor Min was pacing back and forth, perching high above the city, in the throne room, where he could see the battle unfold below.

He couldn’t lose the city. He wouldn’t lose to his brother.

He had the advantage of a bigger army but Yoongi had the other Aspects at his side and Min roared in frustration, “Damn it!”

But then he saw you run up the many stairs leading to the palace and he grinned, “It seems like she wants to greet me in person.”

Yoongi had lost sight of you on the battlefield and were growing anxious. He cut down another soldier with his sword and continued further into the city, Jin beside him.

“Where is she?!”

“I don’t know. She bolted right after entering the city!” Jin answered, grunting as he parried an incoming blow from a soldier.

“Damn it, woman!”

You reached the courtyard, breathing heavily and looked around. The place was vacant of soldiers.

What was Min planning?

“Min!” You yelled at the top of your lungs, “Come out, you coward!”

You heard laughter but couldn’t pinpoint where, so you whirled around yourself.

“Did you miss me that much, Y/N? That you had to see me before my brother comes to kill me?”

“I will be the one to kill you, you bastard!” You growled, your only answer was more laughter, “I intend to finish what I began those years ago!”

“Ah, yes. The parting gift you so lovingly bestowed upon me.” The hairs on your back stood as you felt his presence behind you and you whirled around to see him step out from the shadows of the tall pillars, “As you can see,” He paused when your eyes met, “It’s healed quite nicely but has left such an ugly scar.”

“That’s nothing compared to what you did to me.” You tensed up as he stepped towards you slowly, his sword still sheathed.

“Aww, come on now. You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy some of it. For example that one night we made love.”

You hissed, your eyes flashing green as you felt nothing but anger, “Am I digging up some bad memories, my love? I’m sorry. How is your little handmaiden? I heard that she sadly lost her life. You have my condolences.” Min bowed mockingly and you had to restrain yourself from charging at him.

“Fuck you!”

“Is that all you can come up with? Where is that sharp tongue of yours?” Min began to pace around you, closing in on you slowly, “You know, I am a little disappointed in you, Y/N. To think that you joined my pathetic brother’s little rebellion… I had thought better of you.”

You didn’t answer and he continued, “Cat got your tongue? I saw the mighty Tiger down there. Are you warming his bed at night? He is tall and handsome, after all.”

You knew what he was trying to do: to goat you into attacking him. Too bad for him, you already knew his tricks.

“Answer when spoken to, dove.”

“No, actually…” You paused and relaxed your stance, “I’m fucking your brother.”

This got a reaction out of the Emperor as he stopped, his eyes turned hard and he scowled, so you continued, “What? Didn’t want to share with your brother?” You mocked.

“Shut up.”

“You know, I’ve always wondered what you lacked as a child to have grown into the sadistic asshole you are today but all I could come up with was that you are simply jealous of Yoongi.” You saw how he tensed up, his hand touching the hilt of his sword, “I can’t imagine how it must feel to always have been the second son…”

“I said shut up.”

“I pity you, Min.”

“SHUT UP!” He roared as he changed into Dragon form and lunged at you, a move that you had seen coming. It seemed like he had forgotten how cunning you were. You dodged his attack and ran into a nearby building.

Yoongi heard the roar his brother let out and he looked towards the palace where he saw his brother’s golden Dragon form and he could only think of one person who could have provoked his brother to change directly into that.

You.

He left the battle and ran towards the stairs leading to the courtyard.

You ran through the collapsing building as Min tore it asunder. You leapt out a window and fell to the ground but a huff.

You barely had time to get up on your legs when Min bashed his tail at you, creating a huge crater.

“You whore!” He roared loudly as you ran across the courtyard, “I am going to kill you!”

“You failed once and you will fail again, Min!” You yelled as you headed towards another building but Min had already seen where you were headed, so he moved his massive tail skywards and slammed it into the building, sending you flying backwards across the courtyard.

You groaned, head reeling from the hard landing when you felt something heavy land on top of you, pinning you down and you knew it was his claw. Min opened his mouth wide and you saw how he took a deep breath.

You had to change. Now.

Min let out a roar as he blasted you with fire, burning everything to ash but when he felt something snake around his body, he knew he’d failed.

Your silver scales glinted in the sun as you rose above him, the lower part of your body wrapping itself around his hind legs, your hood unfolding itself to cast a shadow over the Dragon in your hold and you hissed loudly, fangs out and ready.

Min didn’t waste a second to try and untangle you from him but you simply clenched around him and he tried to take move, his tail moving wildly behind him, destroying everything in it’s path. He roared when you lunged at his head, only to miss it as he moved and breathed fire on you again.

You could easily withstand his flames for a short period of time but he continued and youfelt the burning flames begin to dance across your scales, bringing pain with it, you hissed loudly before bending your body and sink your fangs into his right leg. Min reeled from the bite but before you could release poison into his system, he took off into the air, dragging you with him upwards.

He could fly.

You could not.

You removed your fangs from him and began to untangle yourself from his body but he used his claws to grab ahold of you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He growled, “I just want to show you the view from up here.” He sped up and you looked down, the ground getting further and further away from you.

You felt panic overcome you as he only soared higher and higher and then he let you go.

You plummeted towards the earth, bracing yourself for impact as you could do little else when you saw a black Dragon fly towards you.

“Change back!” Yoongi yelled out and you did so, vanishing in a puff of smoke and you were back to human form. Yoongi opened up his claw and felt relief washing over him as you landed in his palm.

“Thank you.” You said as he closed his claws around you to keep you from falling.

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” He yelled as he made a u-turn, his long black body quickly heading back towards the ground, “You could have been killed!”

“We don’t have time to argue, Yoongi, as your brother is coming back! You yelled, seeing Min flying fast towards Yoongi and you.

Yoongi had barely time to turn his head when his brother collided with him, sending you flying out of his grasp and you could only look on as Min sank his claws into Yoongi’s body, forcing a pained whine from him as they hurtled towards the ground.

You fell through the roof of the palace and landed in the throne room and you whirled your head around to see the two dragons crash into the courtyard, a tangle of black and gold. They rolled across the courtyard and down the stairs and you jumped down onto the next roof, following them.

“I’ll kill you again and this time I’ll make sure you stay dead!” Min roared as he lunged at Yoongi’s neck, drawing blood. Yoongi twisted his body and sank both of his front claws into his brother’s body.

“Not if I kill you first!” Yoongi bellowed as he bit into Min’s leg.

You ran as fast as you could, seeing as the dragons finally came to a stop halfway down the stairs. You watched as they each took a lunge at one another, pained roars and whines coming from both of them.

At this point, they would kill each other. You changed into your Snake form again and slithered your way down the stairs. Min saw you out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to breath fire at you but Yoongi snapped his jaws shut around his snout, forcing his mouth shut.

You sped up and opened your mouth wide, fangs emerging from your gums and you launched yourself at Min, sinking your fangs into his neck. Yoongi struggled to maintain his hold on his brother when he felt you wrap yourself around Min’s body as you continued to pump your venom into him but he didn’t dare letting go.

It took minutes before your venom began to work but soon enough Min began to go slack and Yoongi removed himself from his brother watching as you wrapped your body tighter around his brother’s body, venom starting to dribble from the puncture wounds and onto the ground.

He watched his brother struggle weakly in your grasp but you responded by tightening ever further and Yoongi were sure that if Min didn’t die by your poison, then he would die from your body crushing his.

Then he looked into the panicked eyes of his brother and he felt a small pang of pain at seeing his brother suffer like this. Yoongi wished it could have been different, he truly did but his brother deserved everything he got and more.

Finally, Min sagged in your hold, his Dragon form going completely slack and you slowly untangled yourself from him and let go of his neck.

Yoongi stared at the lifeless form of his brother before he slowly began to disperse into ash.

“I hope you find redemption, brother.” He said as the ashes carried his brother away, “I truly do.”

You stood in the throne room, bruised, sweaty and dirty but you didn’t care. As you heard the people and soldiers cheering in the city below, you were filled with relief.

It was done.

Yoongi appeared next to you with a sombre expression and you turned your head towards him, “Why the dark expression?”

“I don’t know… I guess I feel a little sad about my brother.”

You nodded in understanding. As vile as Min had been, he had still been Yoongi’s brother, “I know.”

“Yeah.” Yoongi said nothing else but he felt a smile tug on his lips when he felt your hand graze his and he grabbed it, “So...Princess.”

You snorted, loudly, the sound taken Yoongi aback and he stared at you with wide eyes, “Princess? Don’t call me that.”

“What was that sound? Did you make that?”

“What?” You raised a brow at his dumbfounded expression, “Oh fuck off. Aren’t a lady allowed to snort?”

“That was a very manly sound, Y/N.”

You shrugged and squeezed his hand, “So what are your plans now, Dragon Lord?”

“Well, I was hoping that you would perhaps join me in celebrating the victory.”

“Hm.”

“Privately, of course.”

Jin groaned as he stretched his back, leaning against the pitchfork in his hand and he looked over the field of corn and sank his head, “Why is there so much left?”

Then he heard horses and he looked to the road, a smile creeping up on him as he spotted two familiar figures.

“Honey! They’re here!” He called out to his wife and let the pitchfork fall to the ground as he walked to the gate of his house, waiting to greet his friends.

“Why are you mad?! I didn’t do anything!” He heard Yoongi yell and he didn’t have to wait long to hear your response, “And that is exactly my problem! I needed help to get up on the horse and you just stood there and did nothing!”

“You usually don’t have a problem getting up on a horse, woman!”

“I am pregnant, you bastard. With your child!”

Jin simply smiled as your horses came to a halt outside of his gate. He was snickering when Yoongi came up to him, annoyed, asking him what was so funny and the Ox simply patted his friend on the back before offering you a hand to get down from your horse.

#thebtswritersclub #cypherwritersnet #Yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #yoongi x female reader

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