#i feel the dread sinking in
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SCREAMING SCREAMING AAAAAAAAAAA (I am not ready to be an adult in like a month :(()
#lord help me#help im so scared#like actually im paralyzed by fear#been crying about university every night#my anxiety is through the roof#i feel the dread sinking in#i need meds
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i SCREAMED when i heard andy beshear come after jd vance for pretending to be from appalachia. a dem capable of pulling kentucky of all places is a strategic fucking vice president pick.
#it is so bizarre to feel something other than sinking existential dread#as somebody from appalachia i would like to personally fight jd vance because i know that i'd fucking win
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finally beat the king in isat... "before your journey ends you should talk to everyone!"... the happy music... the "curtains" achievement... the utter joy and hope in the atmosphere... I KNOW THERE'S STILL TWO ACTS LEFT.
#in stars and time spoilers#no spoilers please!! but i have this sinking feeling. this cold dread.#i am waiting patiently for the other shoe to drop game. when's it gonna happen. what are you going to DO to me.
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i can't see the rising blocks and the giant moon and not be immediately transported to Pearl's streams where she was valiantly trying to work on the castle while floating every ten minutes and dealing with all the earthquakes. Really made the absolute dread sink in about the whole situation. It was horrifying, but at the same time, I couldn't look away. We all had to see it through to the end, even if that end was the moon crashing. Gods. What a season.
#hermitcraft#hc8#cubfan135#pearlescent moon#the streams really made it real for me#i still feel that dread sinking in when i think about it all#the inevitability#no one can stop it#the panic and horror and fear and madness of it all#pearl just doing her best to finish the castle#and the lil fear in her voice when the gravity effects kicked in#there was nothing she could do#gods#it was so much#HI WELCOME TO HERMITCRAFT THAT WAS MY FIRST SEASON WHAT THE HELL DID I WALK INTO
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Me rn
#the constant unending dread regarding school#thrashing aimlessly deep below the surface of the ocean while others tell me to just swim up#i cant create anything#the water is pressure from all sides and the longer i stay in the water the deeper i sink#no matter how hard i swim#the pressure increases and increases and increases#and i just keep sinking#‼️‼️‼️ there is no winning in the deep dark blue#and there are no hands reaching for me from the top#all the people around me never made it up#thats my job now#i can hear their voices in the water#go up#swim up#make it to the surface#i can hear my voice in the water#it only joins the chorus#you guys feel me or nah i might just be a teenager idk#copper carries on
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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Malice (Dad Squad)
Fair warning, this does have TotK content but none of it is spoilers. It's all literally stuff from the trailer. But anyway, I had fun writing it. :)
The lurch was absolutely nauseating.
Rusl shivered on his hands and knees, dizzy and disoriented and so unbelievably ill. He'd never been pulled in so many directions at once at such an unimaginable speed. He could barely make out his surroundings, having been torn from the jungle where they'd been wandering.
Taking steadying breaths, Rusl kept his eyes squeezed shut to reorient and not throw up. He remained stiff, not daring to move until the wave of nausea had passed. As his mind slowly stopped spinning,
The grass beneath him was damp, littered with little stones, which was the first thing he noticed. The stones felt... unnaturally shaped. Running a finger along it, he felt the curved edges, the too straight lines framing it.
Cobblestone. Cobblestone with grass growing through it, so withered and worn it was barely there anymore.
More ruins?
Exhaling, Rusl slowly opened his eyes. It was a dismally dark day, wherever they were. Storm clouds brooded overhead, he could tell by the lighting and the damp. Beside him, Abel was laying on the ground staring up at the sky, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. The Fierce Deity was crouched just a pace away from the pair, apparently reorienting faster.
Rusl wasn't surprised.
The Ordonian leaned back on his knees and feet, a trembling hand reaching for Abel's shoulder. "Are you alright?"
"Headache," Abel muttered before sitting up. "I'll be fine. But..."
The Fierce Deity rose to his full height, helping Rusl to his feet. The blacksmith stumbled a little, dizzy at the speed at which the deity lifted him up.
Rusl's companion opened his eyes, glancing around before gasping. "This is--this is just outside of Castle Town! How did--did that item bring us here?"
This was Castle Town?
Rusl looked around again, horrified to see the ruined remains of what should have been a sprawling city. He'd seen pieces of ruins, leftover outposts, a destroyed wagon here and there, but nothing of this magnitude.
Spirits above. He swallowed, suddenly thankful that the Twili invasion hadn't reached this level of destruction.
"But how did we--?" Abel cut himself off abruptly, and Rusl was about to ask what was wrong when he noticed it too.
What was that aura? Why was there ominous mist emitting from all around them, oozing out of the ground like steam from a boiling lake?
The Fierce Deity hissed, collapsing to the ground, a hand clutched to his face.
"Fierce...?" both men made their way to him, hands hovering over him uncertainly.
The deity was trembling, in obvious pain with his sharp teeth bared and eyes glaring into the earth. His hand on his face slid up to his hair, fingers curling around it in a desperate attempt to alleviate whatever was wrong.
"What's wrong?" Abel asked.
Fierce curled in farther, shriveling from their attempts to touch him. "It's the mask."
"What mask?" Rusl questioned.
As the Ordonian tried to figure out what in the blazes was happening, Abel's eyes roamed forward towards the city, and beyond it, to the castle.
"This mist..." he muttered. "It's the same as..."
Rusl looked between Abel and the Fierce Deity, wondering what in the world was happening and how they could fix this. "We need to get him out of here."
"Kill him." Fierce suddenly snarled, pulling away when Rusl tried to reach for his shoulder. "I'll be fine. Get him."
"Who? Who are you talking about?" Rusl asked, growing far more nervous than he cared to feel. He was usually fairly adaptable and had seen so many things that had little explanation in his life, but seeing a war god writhing in pain was beyond unsettling, particularly since he was his friend.
Abel rose, eyes dark. "It can't be..."
Rusl was clearly missing something, a connection that both of his companions had made. Nevertheless, the priority was to help the Fierce Deity, not worry about whoever they were talking about.
Abel clearly didn't seem to understand that, gripping his sword with enough ferocity to make his knuckles white. He marched ahead.
"Abel, what are you doing?" Rusl called. "We have to get Fierce out of here!"
When he got no response from the world weary traveler, he looked back at the deity, who insisted through gritted teeth, "Go with him. I'll be fine."
He looked distinctly not fine, but watching Abel walk into a heavier dark mist made Rusl equally unsettled. The Ordonian sighed. "Get away from here. Find somewhere safe to lay low. I can help you--"
"No," Fierce hissed. "I do not require help. Abel does."
"Fierce--"
"I will retreat as instructed," the deity acquiesced shakily. "But help him."
Abel had almost vanished into the darkness. Rusl bit his tongue, standing stiffly, filled with dread and annoyance. "Fine."
Drawing his blade, he hurried after the former knight, feeling cold dread sink into his bones the closer to the castle he got.
Abel's world was a desolate place, filled with mausoleums for villages, but this place had to be the pinnacle of it all. Rusl didn't want to get any closer. Had those guardian creatures really caused such destruction?
Despite his misgivings, the Ordonian did manage to catch up to Abel, who was slowly descending a stairway into the damp depths beneath the castle.
"I don't understand," Abel said softly as Rusl approached. "There are no guardians here. There's... no sign of anything."
"I'd say this mist is a pretty clear sign," Rusl pointed out, grabbing Abel by the wrist. "As is our friend's ailment. We should go back to him. There's something wrong about this place."
Abel pulled out of Rusl's grip sharply. "I know. It..."
The two men stared at the dark abyss below. Abel's face glowed with equal parts determination and dread. He was just as scared as Rusl, but rather than listening to his gut instinct, he ventured forward.
Rusl sighed. This man was beginning to remind him of Link.
Rusl had been to many a place that gave unnerving auras, but that had always been milder sensations. A feeling of being watched, an innate sense of danger to the area that would linger near dungeons. This... this was something entirely different.
This, for lack of a better word, felt demonic.
Pulling out a lantern, Rusl lit the wick and glanced at his companion. "If you're insistent, we should at least have a means of seeing where we're going."
Abel nodded in thanks before continuing. Rusl sighed and followed him down the stairs.
The farther they went, the sicker Rusl felt. He broke into a cold sweat, shivers racking his body. He'd never had such a visceral reaction to anything - even the Twili barriers that infected his world, despite their wrongness, hadn't made him physically ill. They'd felt more like the sensation of being in the dark, an overbearing heaviness and fear of the unknown, whereas this felt like a violation of body, mind, and soul.
He honestly didn't know how Abel wasn't at least reacting to it. Even the Fierce Deity had been affected. It had crippled him.
Spirits. It had crippled a war god. What were they doing down here?!
"Abel," Rusl tried again. "We should go back."
"What happened to your cheer for exploration?" Abel asked in a monotone, not really asking so much as distractedly challenging. He was far more focused on what was ahead than his companion behind him.
"I have a sense of self preservation," Rusl replied. "We don't know what we're walking into."
"It's like the Calamity," Abel muttered, more to himself than to Rusl. "But it's... I don't understand."
"The Calamity?" Rusl repeated. "The destruction of your land?"
"The Calamity isn't just an event, it's a monster," Abel explained, walking ahead despite his ominous words.
"So... we're walking towards the monster that destroyed the entirety of Hyrule," Rusl supposed with a raised eyebrow, continuing to follow his friend.
Abel huffed, stepping hesitantly as they seemed to reach the bottom of the stairway. "I don't hear any guardians yet."
"Those aren't the Calamity?"
"No. The Calamity used the guardians."
Rusl looked around warily, lantern raised. "So we're potentially looking for a beast that is stronger than guardians. And a single guardian can annihilate both of us."
Abel's shoulders stiffened, and he shook his head. "Dammit, Rusl, I don't know. This... this mist surrounded the capital on the eve of the Calamity. But... then the Calamity happened. Nothing is happening here, except that our companion is falling ill because of it."
"We should be trying to help him," Rusl reasoned.
Abel turned sharply. "This is me helping. He... he said..."
"He said kill him," Rusl repeated, a little disturbed at the words.
Abel grew very still and silent.
"Do you really think we can defeat something that is incapacitating a war god?" Rusl asked solemnly, trying to get through to the knight. "I had an entire resistance to assist me in my journey to save Hyrule, and inevitably it was Link who did the most work."
"Yes. Link. A child." Abel hissed. "We left the fate of our nation in the hands of children and expected them to--"
There was the sound of a foot scuffing on a rock and both men immediately froze. It came from somewhere ahead, vague and distant and bouncing in the chilly air, steadily making its path to them. It moved rhythmically, steps on stone, growing ever quieter.
Someone else was down here.
Someone else was down here and they were walking further into the abyss.
Abel stepped forward, sword at the ready. Rusl followed, armed and on edge.
Who else was down here? Had they heard the two men arguing? Was it just Rusl, or was the mist getting thicker?
The pair walked through some unusual corridors, and though Rusl's lamplight wasn't the best, he could make out odd shapes and figures in the stone. Abel glanced at it in passing, noting it and moving ahead. Neither man spoke at this point, ears peeled for any indication that they had caught up to whoever else was down here.
For such a foreboding place, there was certainly a strange lack of monsters. Rusl didn't know if he should find that reassuring or not.
Finally, the two men descended further and emerged into a large underground cavern of sorts. A strange light shone ahead, dulling Rusl's lamplight to that of a mere stub of a candle. The pair paused, uncertain and leery. Rusl's eyes settled on a strange swirling pattern of light that emitted from a... severed arm? The arm was perched on a half rotted corpse, almost as if it were pushing the corpse to the ground.
As if this place couldn't get any creepier.
Notably, though, Rusl's eyes caught movement. Up by the mummified body were two other figures, their voices lost in the echoes of the large space. All he could make out was that one was a female and one was a male. The male had a sword with an uncomfortably familiar shape to its hilt.
Rusl squinted in the darkness. It was hard to tell from here, but something about the swordsman's blade... he tried to focus more on it but couldn't, not at that distance with the dim light. The Ordonian turned to his companion and saw Abel transfixed at the sight.
"Is... this the Calamity?" he whispered. Was the foe already defeated? Was it trying to recuperate its strength? Who were the two in front of it?
Abel didn't answer. Voices grew louder, a strange sound emitted from ahead of them, and Rusl jumped, turning to look at the scene ahead of him to find that the corpse was moving.
There was a flash of light and the entire room shook. Rusl grabbed on to Abel's arm, pushing both of them against the wall to brace themselves as the entire place seemed to crumble in a flash of red, hellish light.
Abel dove forward, and Rusl yelped, pulling him back and trying to fight his vicious energy.
Abel was frantic; he didn't even seem to notice Rusl was there anymore. Instead, a scream tore out of his throat, desperate and pleading and terrified.
"LINK!"
The ceiling collapsed, and they were sealed into darkness.
#this doesn't have to be dad squad canon#if there even is such a thing lol#I'm just obsessing over totk because I've been playing it#and I do what I want XD#I'm gonna use the prologue music for a scene in Elastic Heart and it's gonna be sooooooo fun#nothing totk related at all to it I just want the foreboding and creepy vibes#anyway#Dad Squad#writing#oooo if only I could draw their expressions guys because they are CREEPED OUT#and Abel is Going Through Things#the amount of dread in this man's body is off the charts#usually Rusl is the explorer and Abel is the reluctant one following but the tables have turned here#Abel has an eery familiar gut sinking feeling#wants to run as far as he can but also needs to know if this is what he thinks it is#needs to know if he can prevent it from taking someone else he cares about#fully aware that he can't kill it#but willing to investigate anyway while every fiber of his being is screaming at him#and poor Rusl just has no idea what's happening
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ITEM EXHIBITION
Item 4: Sketch Book
-Collected for Investigation
Description: The following are two drawings found in the Sketch Book, presumably owned by Mark Heathcliff before his disappearance on \\\\\\\\1992. These are the only drawings of interest, potentially giving insight to the case.
Page No. 1
Notes: Appears to have been hastily drawn, featuring surreal imagery that has yet to be fully deciphered. Imagery is potentially linked to what is said on the tape. (See page \\ [Item 3] for more info)
Below is the second drawing in the Sketch book, seemingly the last drawing made, as every page after is completely blank.
Page No. 2
Notes:
Do you hear it Mr. Davis?
#mandela catalogue#tmc#tmc home sweet home au#shmorps art#Mark heathcliff#unreality#Does the sinking feeling in your chest keep you up at night?#Veins burning with dread. head clogged with thoughts not of your own.#OKAY I know we're still in the teaser phase but. still working on. the big first thing for this au and we still have teaser ideas SO.#This is what we're doing for now. cause. heheh funni#Tell me if there's anything I should tag for this cause. I don't know-
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sometimes i feel like im sinking in my own chest, yet no one can help
i sink so, so deep, but no matter what i cant be helped
#this is what dread feels like to me#though sometimes i just let myself sink and not care#i think this is why sometimes i need to stab myself in the chest#bpd thoughts#bpd#bpd safe#illustration#artwork#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr
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got myself into an almost relationship again. let me outttttt
#always the same thing i think i have a crush on a guy then when i find out he likes me back i get this sinking feeling in my stomach and#make up reasons to avoid him#i need to date a girl or something the only time i didn't dread making out was when i made out with a girl
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PAUSE. diabolical thought. thinking about shri’iia’s relationship with The Matriarch and she reveres that woman btw and she worships her as if she was lolth herself, and she will do everything that her matriarch tells her to do no questions asked — like anything shri’iia does not care what happens to her or what she will do as long as it gets her matriarch’s approval and now I am thinking that if she’s been exceptionally Good, and exceptionally Loyal, that shri’iia is allowed to touch her sometimes. lay her head on that woman’s lap or maybe kiss her feet but they’ve never fucked. if she’s been exceptionally good then shri’iia is allowed to perform her worship but her matriarch doesnt reciprocate bc the relationship has never been mutual, and shri’iia is well aware of that and convinces herself that she likes it — it’s only later on when she gets a better perspective of her situation before (outside of that environment) that she realises the depths of that situation. anyway I kinda hrmm hrmmm like that idea sm it’s so diabolical to me since sex is such a big thing in drow culture esp amongst the matriarchs and they’re so well known to take and fuck whoever they pleased, the fact that The Matriarch won’t even touch shri’iia let alone fuck her is soooo oouuu diabolical and delicious to me…!!!! and imagine how that fucks shri’iia up omfg she’s already so insecure of her station as a drow without a noble house and she’s prone to severely overcompensating bc she can’t lack in anything Ever like the one woman you’re worshipping won’t even Fuck You and she lets you touch her sometimes when you’ve done well. like I rlly want to explore the mind fuck shri’iia went through in that century bc it’s so interesting to me personally since her whole dynamic with her matriarch is exploring that whole thing about how drows play mind games with each other and you usually get the pov of the one that’s scheming and making all these plans but in this case it’s in the victim’s pov, the one who’s in the receiving end. like it’s such a rancid situation but to me it’s very in line with how ruthless and cruel they are most especially drow matriarchs since they’re really the ones Playing The Game, everyone else are just their pawns. and shri’iia is most definitely a pawn who tried to reach higher but failed.
#now chewing on the act 1 romance where she sleeps with astarion as a distraction bc she JUST broke her oath#but then it’s like. pause. first time fucking someone (probably in a long time) where it’s out of her own volition#AND they want to fuck her too. like I have my own ideas of how the act 1 sex went#but a big part of it is shri’iia getting wildly confused that it’s mutual and he’s reciprocating and she’s not just#getting them off then theyll leave after. but she can’t show her surprise btw that doesn’t fit the persona she’s pretending to be#so she’s like. just fucking bite me man. don’t look at me. and afterwards after the brief pillow talk#she’ll wash up on her own and there’s that sinking realisation and dread that she DID break her oath she IS forsaken#and some part of her enjoyed that sex. and she hasn’t been fucked by someone in so long too#and it’s horrible feelings all around but she has to Push That All down!!!!! bc that doesn’t fit her persona 🤭#then it’ll all come crashing out later anyway.#but I like that <- idea for them … makes the act 3 romance scene sweeter I think bc they’re much more present and involved and it’s like#a redo of their first night in the woods when they just met up bc he’s using her and she wants a distraction#oc: shri’iia.
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I'm scared of everyone around me, including my friends and family. Make it stopp
#wouldn't wish this on anyone this sucks so much and seems to be getting worse for 3 years now#i can't tell if this is because of emotional flashbacks because i get this sinking feeling of dread and pain#it takes forever to go away and comes and goes
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my beloved guy 😭😭😭
#he will be FINE#it’s just his tooth!!!#I just have the sinking dread feeling I always associate with the vet#ears of the day
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it's been two weeks and i still can only scroll down as far as the first picture of him...
#i'm microdosing the content to somehow overcome that dreadful sinking feeling in my chest when i see them#i have no idea how they were able to decide to go on stage so soon but that only means they're strong people#way stronger than me#i wish i could force myself into different mindset
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Twitter had a way of reminding me why it's been a lot better for me that I've been staying away from it a whole lot lately. saw two takes about Eggman on my tl that deeply irked me but I'm being so brave about it lol. I need to keep this Twitter avoidance up
#no I'm not about to rant about them I've been getting better at managing my feelings and reactions#I felt my heart sink seeing them and feelings of dread lol maybe it's cus it's been a while so it hit harder but why is my body so dramatic#I just blocked and I'm moving on 👍
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me (in the discord call with friends): sometimes i can't watch movies
them: what the fuck. thats weird. why
me: the stars. can't do it. not today
them: dead silence
#they were like 'that's not a reason' and i literally had to go 'i don't understand the reason myself'#luckily one of them finally chimed in with some support but christ#when someone says 'put on a movie' and i get a sinking pit of dread in my gut i don't think i need any other reason to say no :)#is it normal for your friends to constantly demand reasons for your behavior? sometimes i feel like they're the fucking spanish inquisition#like literally what do they want from me. sorry i don't have what you consider a 'normal' relationship with media consumption#maybe im just getting overly defensive for no reason again. whatever#soliloquy
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