#i feel so tired every day
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seasonal depression is hitting so hard this year
#like it's so bad#vent stuff followes#not a day goes by where I don't feel like shit#and even if i do fun things I don't enjoy them#i could cry every day#i feel incredibly ugly#my hair is falling out in tons#i feel uncomfortable with my body in all the ways#i feel incredibly alone#and unloved and unlikeable#I'm not motivated for work#I'm not even motivated to play games#or make gifs as u might see#i feel so tired every day#i just wanna sleep forever
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 2
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5] [Pt. 6]
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr incorrect quotes#honkai star rail memes#hsr memes#honkai star rail meme#hsr meme#boothill#robin#hsr robin#sunday#hsr sunday#aventurine#dr ratio#ratiorine#aventio#acheron#black swan#acherswan#dan heng#march 7th#stelle#hsr trailblazer#what's the ship name for march and stelle. uh#i have no clue. it'd be their names smashed together right. starch??? 😭#whatever it is feel free to tag it if u want! and maybe i'll learn smthn bc surely there's another name for them#omfg i just googled it and apparently it IS starch you learn smthn new every day#anyways. here's hoping none of these have been done before!#i managed to make one (1) image that didn't include Aven or Ratio wow //edit: there's 3 i was just so tired i couldn't count lmao#anyways it's past my bedtime i spent too long making this and i still gotta do my HSR dailies rq so goodbye and goodnite to u all
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I just want to say, I have never once claimed to speak for all survivors… my posts are from my experience and I try to cover all angles. I’ll make posts about people being strong while making posts about it being valid to not identify with the word.
But getting aggressive comments on my posts about it how I “don’t speak for all survivors and should shut the fuck up” is honestly a lot. And using “I’m a survivor too” like it’s some valid excuse to be rude and aggressive isn’t okay either.
I blocked the person. And I will continue to block people that pull this shit. But it is getting beyond exhausting that people constantly come into my posts to say “this isn’t true for me”. And I can handle that but being told to “shut the fuck up” because you don’t personally relate to a post is honestly a lot.
#I am so over tired#and feeling so overly emotional#the urge to impulse delete my blog is a lot#I come on every day to attacks in my activity feed#in my ask box#as replies on my posts#people have literally made hate blogs about me#I’m tired#I’m a real person#I’m a real person struggling with my trauma just trying to do some good#swearing#tw hate
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I've been writing so much fucking fanfic material that I just yelled "AZIRAPHALE!!!" when my cat jumped onto the table 😭 the brainrot is becoming too real
#her name is alex mind you#but ive been inside crowley's head every day for almost a month now and its apparently taking root#the poor dear flinches not because she recognized the name but because i just yelled surely 😭#im so sorry kiddo#i feel like i just called my lover the name of my ex in the middle of sex 😭#dad still love you baby girl he is just a bit tired i promise#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable husbands#anthony j crowley#aziracrow#spencer speaks#and spencer loses his mind also apparently
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Thinks about my next series again... I drew the icon for it!
I'm planning to have it launched within a year! I'm hoping for summer 2025. I want to make a prelaunch page before Time and Time Again ends so people can subscribe if they're interested, but I'm worried the series return would be too early...
#SORRY HAHAHA REPOSTING IMMEDIATELY#i. it. IM SORRY okay the.#i had 'im not interested in the comic' as an option but it immediately made me feel bad#DONT FEEL BAD IF YOU PICKED IT i put it there#i just realized its not really a helpful metric to me at all!#im making the comic either way!#so i just want to gague interest. disinterest doesnt do much for me. you can come and go as you please!#just wanting to retain readers as much as possible but without losing them due to taking too long#ahhhh the balance of marketing. a beautiful beast she is.#anyways yeah hoping to launch like about as tta is ending#or like at LEAST a prelaunch page by then#im also not intending for the prelaunch page to be like. announced...#moreso just a link i append on art for the series!#just so when a drawing of zagan gets 500 notes#people who are interested in what hes from can. see that...#anyways. sorry i haven't been posting work is wild im going 70+ hours a week again i am so tired#not much time to draw non work stuff#im hanging on by a thread of having multiple projects i can bounce between again#and sometimes thats this one! so heres the results of some mental health work variety#we were legion#polls#sorry for the instant repost. in my defense. i am exhausted.#i can not wait until im making a different comic that i can do a fucking. normal ass schedule with#where im not every week gasping for breath in some kind of bad at swimming metaphor.#anyways if youre not interested dont tell me. it doesnt matter to me. no offense but i just dont wanna hear it.#i want to make the comic and my audience as much as i love you all is not going to have any control over what i do with my art#im gonna make this comic if i only get it done on weekends after getting home from the fuckin movie theater#i am not working for webtoon again wnd im not forcing myself into the dirt for comics again#but im also never gonna stop making them. just need to build a healthier relationship!#FUCK I MADE IT A ONE DAY POLL.
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I reiterate that if you're going to ask people for donations, you will come across as extremely suspicious if you spam their inbox. People are likely to report and/or block you, thinking you're a bot. If you need donations, I do not recommend going about like this. I really, REALLY do not recommend it.
#blog post#not helpol#i am tired of the spam y'all#literally every single day since I've opened my ask box back up#i have gotten a SHIT TON of random people asking me for donations#which is somewhat silly considering i was literally just running my own donations#so no I'm sorry but i won't be answering asks about donations#i don't think it's ok to that personally; it feels really invasive and is extremely suspicious#because you know who else comes into your inbox asking you for money? bots. bots do that exact thing.#it's extremely difficult to know who to trust especially when gofundme isn't supported in gaza#nor is paypal actually#they ciuld just be using a VPN but i don't know enough about VPN to comment on that confidently#but i feel it's important that people are sceptical honestly#because there are assholes who will scam you and take advantage of your kindness for others#don't buy into a potential scam especially at a time where supporting oneself is often already a challenge
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i wish i could be chill about media that i like but sadly, they will always take over my brain to an unhealthy extent (at least imo) i just hate that fandom bs actually bothers me this much, i sometimes wish i could stay somewhere between being a casual-ish fan and the level of interest i have now, like ofc ppl are gonna be shit no matter what but i realllly wish it didn't affect me at all like i wish i could see someone post something that completely mischaracterises my fave characters without being so pissed off about it or literally just any of the other drama happening in this fandom, i wish i could see it and not care about it
which ofc is hard bc most of the stuff that pisses me off and upsets me is how anti-black a lot of ppl in this fandom are like the outright racism and colourism that i see in this fandom is literally killing my interest a bit icl, i love louis, loustat and iwtv sm and i wanna stick around but seeing this stuff just puts a damper on my mood and interest
idk i probably won't go anywhere bc like i said i get obsessed with my interests to an unhealthy degree so i won't be able to reduce how fixated i am on this show and i was in my last fandom for like 5 years?!? (and i'm still there kinda) so i feel like with iwtv i will be here for a long time fr
anyways this whole thing is really disappointing and upsetting, i was really so happy to find a vampire show that had a gay black male lead and it didn't shy away from commenting on the racism and anti-blackness the character experienced from other characters, only to get to the fandom and see that there's ppl doing that and worse, it makes me feel like they truly watched the show with their eyes (and ears) closed
#i am tired#and i have only been here (the fandom) for 3-4months?!#tumblr isn't too bad bc i can't see a lot of the bad posts over here but twitter is just horribleeeeee#it's like every other day i see someone saying something racist about louis and half of the ppl engaging in the tweet don't even clock it#it makes me feel crazy#me yapping#sorry guys i will probably delete this im just venting#anyways i have no chill when it comes to my interests and i blame the autism 😁#i feel like i posted something exactly like this before so if i did oops m
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you do it to yourself, you do / and that’s what really hurts
#rick and morty#rick sanchez#artsbotz#lol cry harder old man !!!!!!!#i have no idea if this looks good i feel like im gonna pass out. hopefully its good LOLLL#link is to my c137 playlist. which im also not sure is good ill have to relisten when i can think straight#used my new brush for this which is nearly exactly the same as my old one. but cooler.#maybe ill explain the playlsist tmrw if i remember. sorry its like so hastag angstcore#i literally only ever make misery playslists. theyre more fun. mayeb one day ill make a fun one#IDK WHY I DREWWWW thsi tbfh actaully idk truly. every time i draw smth im like Why did i do that#i forget what i was trying to convey. oh well#hopefully it makes some senseee. mayeb#ok soooo tired gonna pass oht now snzzzzzz
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inside you there are two wolfs
#repostober#day 19#undertale#alphys#gaster#wd gaster#ive given you old man gaster & alphys father daughter friendship dynamic#now its time for same age group queer nerd coworker besties#this was inspired by a con i went to#when i was there i couldnt help but notice two prominent kinds of people#cosplayers/anime fans dressed in cutesy merch and clothes(/positive)#and gamer nerds who were also dressed in merch and pins of games they liked (/positive)#and i also couldnt help but notice that its them#they are in fact discussing an anime they watched and with them both being academics i can only assume that every argument is extremely#detailed well thought out and informed. id like to believe that they sometimes site sources. aloud.#details i love in this are alphys painting her tail to look like mewmews for her cosplay i just think its cute hdfks#you can pry aroace gaster out of my cold dead hands that man made his children in tubes i just know it#also i shouldve drawn him wearing portal merch i almost wanna redraw this just for that#actually i really wanna redraw this i think. i wont rn (i am so. tired) but i feel enough anger at gaster not wearing#an aperture science t shirt that it might make me draw again
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there is something so. intensely frustrating about feeling incapable of showing up for people the way that they want you to
#i wish people understood that it's so hard to be present in their lives and that closeness for me isnt about frequency of contact#but how open we feel during that contact#my brain is such a difficult place to live in it is so loud and so busy all the time#24 hours a day is a constant monologue and argument with myself for everything and it means that i just dont have the capacity to talk to#others most of the time#and like. i know this is so unreasonable. obviously we have to be present in the lives of people that care for us#but it just feels like every day i have to like. get on a stage and perform to every person in my life that cares about me so i can meet the#criteria of being a Good Friend or Good Girlfriend or Good Fan Artist or Good Mutual or Good Server Member#i feel like it is such a blessing to be seen by others as someone to expect things from#but as more people have started to love me it feels like i have to 'go out and perform' more and more and i am very exhausted#i wish i was someone that was easy to love and care for in the way that i am. and i dont mean that self deprecatingly it's just#i know im very hard to care about and love. because i disappear all the time and come back in a big flurry as soon as i get the energy back#and im just feeling it a Lot More lately because im starting to think this isnt going to be a short term thing i have to do before i start#feeling comfortable with a person#this is going to be my whole life#if i get married im going to have to 'go out and perform' and be a good wife and be affectionate and happy and not closed into my own brain#for days#if im going to make friends with colleagues I'll have to go out when they invite me and have to reply ro their texts and i cant just go#silent for weeks while i try to negotiate with my thoughts and then reappear once i make the slightest breakthrough#im very tired and sad. i want companionship but i feel like the kind of person i am is not fair for people who would be my companion#vent post#♡alizeh talks♡
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Your election post was the most holier-than-thou, performative, bullshit I’ve ever read. Get a grip and get some self awareness.
i will take "missed the entire point" for 500, alex
#y'all abstainers and third party voters are gonna have so much blood on your hands if this goes sideways#and a lot of that blood will be that of palestinians#but please go ahead and ignore all logic#so over it dude#tired of being nice election day is half over anyway#if you abstained or voted third party#you did the wrong thing#you did a bad thing#hope the moral high ground was worth it bud#perceived moral high ground i should say#all it actually is is selfish performative bullshit#and i am sick to fucking death of explaining why#when trans people are criminalized for existing#when palestine is flattened into nothing but debris#when people with uteruses are forced into pregnancy#and criminalized for miscarriages or still births#when lgbt protections are repealed#when every criminal in office gets a pardon#when education falls apart#when healthcare gets even worse#when our allies turn against us#when we get involved in international conflicts we have no business in#when people die#i hope you remember today and the choices you made#and i hope you never get rid of your guilt#if he wins and the world falls apart i hope you feel the weight of your mistake until the day you fucking die#you make it so hard to believe in the good in people#and i am so tired#diz says stuff
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
★ version without text + reference image under cut :
★ song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN – Computer Flavor" – kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy – yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive –#– feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want –#– to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of –#– my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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i’m gonna sound stupid for saying this but i’m acc very upset that real life is keeping me away from being a loser here 😔
#suki rambles#i’m barely at home anymore with how much i spend time outside... and i just wanna sit down and WRITE#but as soon as i come home i’m just so exhausted from studying and travelling that i pushing out a 1k fic-#-which would normally be so easy for me feel so impossivble now#and now i just stare at my wips feeling disappointed in myself that i’m too tired to work on it#me staring at my vampire!kita fic 😔#me staring at my lemurian! rafayel fic 😔#the younger me could’ve stayed up and pulled an all nighter to finish a fic but now i just could NEVEERRRR#i need my 8 hours of sleep or i won’t function for a whole day#and i feel so horrible too that i’m so behind on replying to everyone 🥹#DTD TOO BRUH like i was so dedicated in updating every week but when im FINALLY at the last chapter thats when i get so busy ugh#like i don’t wanna be hard on myself bcos i have written a lot and also this is just a hobby but thats the thing!!#i feel like i’m so busy with adult things that i don’t have enough time for writing (which brings me joy) and i’m sad about it lol#big sigh.#tw: rant
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funny how everyone seemed to adore Zack until he started having more screentime...
#it's honestly very surprising. i see hate towards him almost every day since Remake came out and i wish i was kidding#and yeah yeah i know other characters get lots of hate too but the hate towards him has been so sudden and random???#idk maybe he *was* hated before but i just didn't notice#but at the same time no. i'm 100% sure the hate increased considerably after he was shown to be alive in the Remake#i feel like some people are just weirdly concerned he is gonna overshadow the main characters which is stupid#this story is still about Cloud and the others#we're just gonna explore another reality (allegedly) with Zack it's not that deep bro#(rebirth spoilers) -> even in Zack's timeline Cloud AND Aerith are there#and who knows how many more#like i get shippers being petty because when are they not petty#but i've seen non-shippers/casual players saying they do not want to see more of him and being all bitter bc he's important#he's always been important you all just refuse to acknowledge it!!!#no matter how many times hamaguchi nomura nojima etc say he's super important ppl just keep denying it 💀#as if y'all know more than the freaking devs i'm getting tired of this bs#my post#i'm glad the devs love him as much as we do. cry about it
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I thought my "struggling to get anything done until its very very late at night, and only for a few hours, after a full day of fatigue and laziness" behavior was a recent thing, in the wake of graduating and being unemployed and out of schooling, but its been at the very least 5 years because I made a comic about this when i was still IN college.
#talkys#like i thought the issue was no structure or routine in my life anymore#but even in college when id have 8 am class the next day id still struggle#though i also thought/think that was just senioritis. and it never went away even after graduation.#bc i rly tanked hard at the end there. like i got to a point where i didnt care anymore id do stuff like study for a huge exam 15 minutes#before walking into it and just hoped i retained enough from the 5 mins of memorization#this is distressing for me to realize LOL i rly thot it was the lack of routine....but its just Been Like This.....#every day loafing then crawling to my desk really late and still being unable to draw#then finally getting a burst of energy an hour before needing to sleep‚ promising myself ill get started earlier tomorrow#and then not doing that bc i just feel so tired all day again. mooooooo
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