#i feel so bad its an extra step for them but slightly easier for them to talk in their native tongue

[radlegowaffle]

now that we have our own lil housing system, sky should implement a mail or letter system

[upsidedownwithsteve]

Promptober: Day Twenty Eight

Eddie Munson x fem!reader 1079 words.

Eddie was a little surprised when you and Robin decided to take up Nancy’s offer of learning how to knit. He was less surprised when Robin gave up after two days, but shocked nonetheless that his friend had attempted such a time consuming thing in the first place.

But we watched you learn slowly, spending Sundays with Nancy at her house, both of you surrounded by colourful yarn, coming back to Eddie with a satisfied grin on your face and pieces of fluff stuck to your clothes - and on the bad days, a few scratches and bloodied marks from misdirected needles. 

He watched in amusement as some of your creations made their way into your friends wardrobes. The colder October weather called for layers and warmth, and so Dustin and Mike really could say no to the too long scarves you draped round their shoulders. They were mostly navy blue, a little too skinny and the end piece of one side was a forest green, evidence of how you’d run out of wool. 

“It’s avant-garde,” you’d insisted. 

Lucas and Max had matching socks, both a bright mustard yellow with a a tiny sheep stitched onto the ankle. When asked ‘why a sheep?’ by the boy, you’d shrugged and told him it was easier to sew than a demogorgon. Lucas agreed, wore his to his basketball games with pride and even though Max had cringed, she liked to wear them under her boots, the ones she loved to stomp around in. 

Will, El and Steve all got mittens, some missing a finger, some with an extra one or two, but all warm and soft, they each insisted, always trying their best to spare your feelings. So they were happy when you grinned and Eddie was even happier when he spotted Will wearing them to a hellfire meeting one day, the same fondness he felt as Dustin hung up his scarf. 

Eddie felt a little left out, yet to receive one of your handmade concoctions. But then you appeared one night, knocking softly on the trailer door, despite how Eddie and even Wayne had told you that you had a spare key for a reason.  

But the boy found you on the step, face nipped by the chill and you beamed at him, hair wild from the wind. He ushered you inside, took you by the hand back to the warmth of his bed and he wasn’t at all surprised when you toppled down with him, legs braced on either side of his hips. 

Eddie loved you like this, happy in the softest way, smile shy, eager to touch and be touched. So he smoothed his hands over the denim covering your thighs, squeezing at your affectionately. You had orange fluff in your hair and he refrained from commenting on it, ‘cause you were too busy delving into your handbag that you’d laid on his stomach. 

The leather of it was chilly on his bare skin and he flinched. 

“S’cold, babe,” he murmured, lifting it slightly, but you were too busy searching to offer more than a distracted mumble back. 

“I know,” you told him offhandedly, “s’why I’ve got something for you.”

Eddie raised his brows, lips twisted into an amused smile. “Yeah?”

“Uhuh,” you agreed, pulling out some books and pens, scattering them across his bed. “It’s in here somewhere.”

“I thought you’d finished this last week?” Eddie commented, lifting the book by its front cover. The pages flapped and notes fell out, written in ink of every colour. 

“I did, but I forgot what parts were my favourite,” you answered, muffled now, as a knitting needle was held between your teeth.

“Christ, sweetheart,” Eddie muttered, taking the offending object out of your mouth and away from the bare skin of his torso. “You’re gonna do us some damage. What are you even lookin’ fo—”

“Here!” You gasped excitedly, eyes bright as you shoved something colourful at him. “Here. I made this for you. Sorry it took so long.”

The present was a hat, Eddie noted, a knitted thing that actually seemed to be in perfect proportion. It was stripy, each line a different colour, deep reds, forest greens and navy’s, mustard yellow and a dark violet. A pom-pom sat on top, black to match the thicker band that was folded around the stripes and you’d even found a pin to attach to it, a tiny Dio logo that made Eddie grin wide. 

“Baby,” Eddie mumbled, voice soft and sticky with fondness. “Baby.”

You preened, watching his brown eyes turn wide with affection and you clasped your hands to your chest, resting them under your chin as you waited for his verdict. You’d tried really hard to make it perfect. 

“D’you like it?” You asked quietly. 

“You made this? For me?” Eddie asked, voice a little awed. He didn’t get presents all that often, especially one that had that much thought behind it. 

You nodded. 

“I love it,” Eddie declared and you squeaked as he sat up suddenly, your bag falling from between you both as you clung to his shoulders. 

He jammed the hat onto his head with a flourish, curls a little wild and messy as they stuck out from underneath it. He grinned and the bobble wiggled. 

“It fits,” you noted with relief, hands petting at the boy’s hair, trying to tame it a little. 

“It’s perfect,” Eddie told you, hands circling your waist to pull you into his lap more. You were chest to chest, nose to nose and he kissed at your cheek, your jaw. “You’re perfect.”

You thought you were far from it, the bandaids on several of your fingers suggesting otherwise but you forgot about them as Eddie took your face in one big hand, your still cold cheeks squished gently between fingers and thumb. 

He kissed you sweet, warm and tasting like brown sugar and something spiced, all cinnamon and smoke. 

“Gonna wear it all the time,” he told you proudly, beaming, dimples on show. Smiley Eddie was your favourite. “Tell everyone my girl made it for me.”

You ducked your head, shy, smiling so hard your cheeks hurt, flushed from the praise the boy loved to shower on you. “Yeah?” You asked to his chest, fingers playing with the chain at his neck. 

“Oh yeah,” he agreed, dotting more kisses to the parts of your face he could reach. “You’re gonna have to hide it from me when summer comes ‘round.”

[ironicsoap]

I wanna be able to make custom avatars for Vrchat of some of my more uncommon species characters but tutorials for how to use blender absolutely kill me (I do better learning if it's written down with some pictures, or entirely hands on with someone guiding me in person) how did you learn to make your own models? Do you have any recommendations for instructions or any YouTube videos that might be easier to grasp and follow along to? I really love your work and I'm actually saving up for one of your bases for my kitties <3 my only experience with avatars right now is texturing, and even that is subpar unfortunately.

Written down resources for beginners on how to use blender are scarce, because it's such a big program with so many things, and you really need visuals to know where things are when you're learning (Very possible with written guides, but very tedious to put in Enough pictures to show everything) Every time I've used a written Blender guide, it was for some really high level niche thing I needed haha I learned how to make my own models by figuring out projects I wanted to do, then googling/youtubing every step/aspect on how to do them, and repeating! After the first low poly model I made though I just kinda went straight into attempting to make pixar models and they took me FOREVER and looked horrible but I had so much fun in the process of doing and learning I kept throwing myself at these huge projects and got better over time. Then I discovered toony models, and then vrchat, and I was like wow this is way easier and extra fun *permanently changes the course of my career and artistic style*

What I recommend to everyone who asks me how to learn, is pick a project you want to do (start small! very important so you don't lose motivation) and google/youtube how to do it I haven't kept up to date on newer beginner tutorials, there might be something better that's more recent than these! But I think they teach you applicable knowledge to making character models (vs the donut..lol) Froggy | Bunny | My 3D tutorial playlist | Great overview of the pipeline

Motivation is the most important factor on if someone learns 3D. Attempting smaller stuff before moving onto slightly bigger things, then slightly bigger, etc, means you don't spend a billion hours on 1 REALLY hard project only for it to suck and demotivate you so much that you don't wanna do 3D anymore. (Or have blender turn into an obsession like me and do that and not get demotivated, judge for yourself :P)

If a tutorial feels like its taking WAY too long to get to the point, it probably is, don't feel bad about needing to put it on 2X speed or looking for a different tutorial. (Donut tutorial sucksssss) Blender is probably the most heavily documented and tutorial'd 3D program out there so you're in luck x) most of the other ones you have to pay money to properly learn them

[goldeneyedgirl]

TwiFicmas23 Day 2: In the Dark of the Night 2 (Eye of the Storm)

Good evening everyone! I hope your December is going well and slightly more organized than mine! I am also exhausted, so please excuse any ridiculous errors.

Tonight, we have a section from the sequel to In the Dark of the Night; Cryptid Alice-verse is a favorite of mine - the world is bonkers, Alice is nuts, and Jasper is just here for a good time. This was requested by an anon early in the year, and I was happy to add it to the list. (Heads up, for 2024, I am changing how ficmas requests work for my own sanity.)

This is a very early first draft of this fic, so everything and anything is liable to be retconned but we're here for vibes above all else. I highly recommend reading the first story or this is going to be extra weird.

tw: allusions to rape & abuse; generalized descriptions of body horror.

eye of the storm.

The coloured lights flash over the room at random - hundreds of sweaty, reeking human bodies and the kind of music that rattles its way through your bones. It’s loud and dark and has become one of Alice’s favourite places in a very long time. The raves in Berlin - and most of Europe - are the easiest places to hunt.

The music is good, too. And she loves to dance. 

She blends in well enough, with the skin-tight skirt and the top that only covers up the bare minimum, and the artfully smudged makeup. Enticing enough to catch attention, but not memorable enough that she’s at risk. Not that it would matter that much, but she prefers to be just another face in the crowd. 

It allows her to hunt for longer in one place, when she’s utterly forgettable. 

She orders a drink, and then another, because human alcohol makes her feel warm and her limbs feel looser. It makes dancing better, and the people easier with her - some of them can sense that she is not like them, that she is something old and complex and terrible. The alcohol makes her more likeable, more human, even when it’s her imbibing it. 

But her head is still clear when she finds a mark, when he sidles up to her with undeserved confidence. He’s the kind of smug that comes from money and a lack of consequences. She doesn’t miss the pill in her next drink or the way his smile widens when she tosses the drink back like water. The effect of the pill is minimal on her; it manifests several moments later, when they’re sneaking upstairs to the store rooms, past the velvet rope blocking the narrow steps. She stumbles on her high heels and he chuckles low; unfriendly and the kind of laugh that would chill anyone else. 

And then her dizziness passes, and she almost pities him. 

It goes the same way as always - he thinks he’s got the upper hand; she acts enthusiastic to his ministrations and she knows he almost feels bad - mostly that he wasted whatever tranquilliser he slipped into her drink, not about the harm he planned for her.

Her venom tingles on his lips and tongue, and he blames the drink or five he’s had and settles in. 

She thinks about asking him some questions once her venom addles him, questions she shouldn’t know to ask. About girls and pills, about hurting and pain, about the haunted little sister he’s not allowed to see anymore. 

But that’s not why she’s here, and would just agitate him. It always gets messy when they get agitated; she hates it when they panic. 

Luckily, he’s easily subdued because she’s absolutely starving. Probably the alcohol. Her venom does funny things when alcohol is in the mix.

She’s not in the mood to take her time and be neat about this; she tears into him like an animal - first is that ephemeral part of him that humans have no word for him. The sacred part, similar to a soul. The pain of that defies understanding; she remembers hers being flayed from her being, once. Punishment for poor judgement. Humans’ are delicious and she savours it. 

It’s all over too quickly, and she leaves him behind without looking back - lying in the middle of that dark, dirty room with the music ponding through the floor. His throat ripped out and ragged, and his chest cavity open, gleaming wet and red but hollowed out for her hunger. His left femur is broken; a rather pitiful attempt at a protest. 

The blood on her skin and in her hair sinks in, pulled through to other hungry parts of her in different points of time and space. She’s nothing and nobody, and no one pays attention as she slips back to the bar for one last drink; sugar sweet enough to make her teeth ache but with that hot dry burn she enjoys more than she should. 

It’ll be at least a day, if not two, before they find him. A horrific death, the work of a psychopath. A little sister will hide in her bed to muffle her relief that he’s gone and never, ever coming home. Almost a dozen girls will smile at the knowledge that he might not face a judge and jury, but something took their pound of flesh. 

But her messiness means that she’ll only have another night or two before she has to move on. She’ll eat again, and that should last her for a while. 

A pity. She liked Berlin. 

—

The next night - her grand finale before she leaves for Norway - is a grown-ass man who shouldn’t be offering her the things he whispers in her ear, shouldn’t be sliding his hands up her stocking-clad leg - shouldn’t have even approached her and brazenly taken a seat at her booth. 

This time, it’s in an all-night coffee shop with dim lighting and a faint haze that comes from carelessly bold patrons lighting up at the late hour. She demurs and gives the old pervert every opportunity to leave, but he laughs at her and boxes her into the booth, and the look in his eyes is hard and absolute. 

She’s never been fixed in time and space, so she can see exactly the path that this old bastard has planned for her - either she consents or he takes it by force. He will hurt her if he needs to, like he has to other young girls before, some of them his students. 

The shadow he casts has his wife, his daughter, his mother cowering from rage and violence. He won’t be missed. So she pretends to be afraid, to be cowed by his aggression, allows him to drag her out of the booth by her elbow. She lets the flesh mottle and bruise, lets him feel like the predator. 

She lets it last as long as it takes for him to find a place where no one will hear her scream. She even lets him push her out of her shoes, but that’s no loss - she wishes she’d gotten the purple. 

And then when he’s staring down at her, his eyes greedy and violent, she smiles and she takes her prize. 

He dies in that alley, his eyes wide in terror as he faces down the kind of demon that are only meant to be found in books. Disappointingly, the honour of the killing blow goes to the dumpster he fell again, slamming his neck against the edge hard enough to break bones. She always likes the sound and the flavour when their deaths are her own. 

He’s gone before she even tastes him; she’d wish him a speedy trip to hell, but some say that’s where she was born. And the parts of his essence and soul she’s going to tear into… there won’t be anything but shreds of him left to dissolve into the air.  

“Alice.”

The call is soft and so far away and blows away the dust of an open path in her mind, a singing thread, that she had not forgotten but had long since made peace with its silence. It had been a shrine to something sacred, and she almost gasps out loud at its echo in her mind. She wants to call back, to holler down that open path, but she pauses, blood running down her face, as she listens. 

The words are faint, but heartfelt and it hurts her own head to widen that path. It’s been a while and, unlike her others, she’s only ever opened one path to one soul. One person. She’s out of practice, and it’s like untrained muscles screaming at a sudden lurch into a run. 

“Alice, I always hoped we’d cross paths again.”

The regret is heavy in his thoughts, and she presses closer, trying to see through his eyes. It’s blurry and white and green. 

“I’m sorry.”

Oh, he tastes like forest and sunshine and leather on the back of her tongue, and she missed him. He was supposed to call for her decades ago. 

But why now?

“You could have helped us. Hell, you probably could have saved us.”

That’s when he touches the ribbon in his pocket. Her ribbon, the one she left him with. A talisman, a physical anchor, a key that reinforces the path; she’s relieved he kept it. Oddly touched that he’s carrying it, but it makes everything easier for her. Clever boy; his hand on the ribbon is enough for her to grasp onto, to pull a fragment of herself into the scene in his mind. 

“I wish you were here.”

The scene sharpens as if she is standing there in the snow, barefoot, facing…

Facing down the thrice-cursed Volturi and their entire court.  

What has happened?

Aro’s smile is wide and that of a crocodile about to close its maw around the thing it wants the most. And that thing includes Jasper.

The entire city of Berlin shudders for a moment, something that will later be uneasily explained away as an earthquake, but is her rage that shakes the city at its core because she can reel it back inside of herself.

A shiver, not a storm. 

Not yet, at least. 

Aro, who has made himself untouchable over the centuries, and still manages to strike wildly at them, her and her kin. His blows rarely kill but they do cut and wound; her own scars are still fresh enough in her mind. One of the downsides of being outside of time; the memories never age right. 

The Old Ones have warned them all not to go after Aro; they are allowed only defence, never offence. They say that creatures like the Volturi, full of avarice and wrath, will pave their own downfall. They have seen it so many times before; Aro and his kin will burn themselves out, and another will take their place. 

The Old Ones and the Eternal Sleeping will not rise for anything short of war, and it will not be a war of their own making. That is the first law, and one she has obeyed. 

But this… Jasper is hers. Marked and strung together, crudely but holding fast. He is hers to defend above all else, and no one can do anything about that. She just wants to know why Aro has come after Jasper and the Cullens. What she knows about the Cullens is vague; mostly gleaned from other fragments of herself, other lives they lived. They are peaceful people with too much money and little concern for those outside themselves, no matter what they tell themselves. They are human, it is their nature. But she is certain that they are not a danger. Not to Aro, not to the human population, not to anyone. What flimsy excuse is Aro using now? A desire for more gifted bodyguards? More power and land and wealth? 

Whatever he wants, it’s nothing good. 

The words are muffled, and she takes a moment to look over at Jasper. He’s standing there beside her, stoic and staring, not flinching. The anger streaming off him is palpable and she wishes she’d seen him before now. 

You could have called me at any time, Jasper. Just to talk, just to see how I am. I would have come in a second. I wondered if you’d forgot about me, truly. I supposed I am flattered by the fact I am your last regret, your longing thought, though. 

She shudders and looks around, her senses stretching. He’s right where he’s supposed to be, and that’s a long, long way from Berlin. It’s been a long time since she had to take herself apart this way, and there’s a risk. A price that has to be paid, and she’s not unwilling to pay it, if he’s amendable. 

“Jasper?”

//

Of all the ways that Jasper thought he would die, this is not it. Not standing shoulder-to-shoulder with his closest people, staring down the army - there is no other word for what Aro has brought, larger than the biggest Southern army Jasper both faced and wielded - of Volterra, trying to defend the life of a half-breed child with ribbons in her hair and pompoms on her coat. 

This is not a trial. This is an execution, a public one as a reminder that they were here by the grace of Aro’s will and that no one is safe if the King of Volterra is displeased. 

He’s sorry he brought Peter and Charlotte into this mess. He should have known better than to trust that the Volturi would play by the rules, especially when the Volturi wrote the rulebook. 

No, this is not how he thought his death would go. 

But to be fair, he thought that once back in Texas when he was faced with three red-eyed women with smiles full of promises. So perhaps he should be more surprised that he didn’t see this coming. 

Edward gives him a pinched smile that is more of a grimace. Aro is still talking, still taking this opportunity to remind everyone who he is, that he should be considered a wise and compassionate leader. 

He wonders if Marcus considers him that; the man looks like a shadow, like the death of all things. Jasper has heard rumours about Didyme’s demise; some of them are farfetched, ridiculous even. But others… the way Aro smiles at the Cullens and their friends, Jasper cannot doubt that he is capable of terrible things. 

“Of course, there is the hidden crime, one that I’m not even certain that you yourself are aware of, dear Carlisle,” Aro smiles benevolently, but there is no kindness in his emotions. He’s angry and jealous and greedy; his gaze is flickering over all that have gathered here, for the Cullens, as if 

“You have seen my thoughts, you know of all our doings,” Carlisle intoned stoically.

“Of course, my friend! And I am delighted to discover the joy and miracle that is young Renesmee,” Aro beamed at the child, clutching tightly to Bella. “I trust that you have no comprehension about what is going on, and that loyalty to our long friendship is cherished, Carlisle.

“However, the crimes that are occurring under your nose are ones that risk not only our world, but the human one also - they are toying with things that should never be disturbed. It is an act of violence, of terrorism, unspeakable evil…

“The oldest creatures that roamed this earth, they were dangerous. Monstrous in a way that we cannot comprehend. Ungovernable. Very, very powerful in ways that have been lost to us before the first vampire walked the earth,” Aro spread his arms out, as if he is performing for a crowd. And perhaps he is. “Many of those creatures are long gone, but there are a small few that still exist amongst us. We have tried to protect our kind from them, to exterminate them to protect our secret and to protect our kind from them. They cannot be reasoned with. They are dangerous to everything we hold dear.”

Aro has everyone’s attention with that little speak, but all he can think of is a kiss that stole his mind and his will. Of limbs snapping and cracking around too-many joints, and those big eyes, with that knowing smirk. Of blood that was too hot, and the puff of a heartbeat in the back of his mind. 

Of something that lasted a night, however warped and strange it turned out, that marked his memories indelibly. 

The ribbons twists through his fingers. 

“…And yet, as I stand here, one of your friends, Carlisle, has summoned one, called one here. Is that not an act of war in itself, dear Carlisle?”

Carlisle splutters, the denial genuine and frustrated. “Aro, you’re being ridiculous!”

“I’ve been tracking this particular one for many years. She possesses a skillset that is very… dangerous if left unmonitored. Her anchor lies here, we’ve traced it. And, dear Carlisle, I believe you when you say you are ignorant of all of this. But someone here has betrayed you, and they alone should pay the price."

Aro stares at them, all good humour gone, and not a single one of them understands what he asks. Except him. 

He knows exactly what - exactly who - Aro is searching for.

Alice. 

It’s been a long time. Since he saw her. Not since he thought of her - she is one of those people who lingers in the memory; it seems impossible that it was just one night, all those years ago. Her presence always lingered; like she fundamentally changed him, changed everything, the second she hitched a ride in that truck. 

“I was… in hiding. Then I was exposed. Then I made a choice.”

“There are so many names for us, Jasper. I’d prefer if you just used mine.”

And he doesn’t understand this at all. That Aro has dragged the entire court here, across the fucking world, under the guise of a trial because of Renesmee’s existence and now, suddenly, Renesmee doesn’t matter. 

It was no secret that Aro was looking for an excuse. Of course she doesn’t matter. He knows that there are much more terrible, unseen things out there than a little half-breed girl.

(He had been prepared for that, had waited curiously to see if Renesmee came out a monstrosity, an abomination that had too long limbs and a void where her eyes should be. He had been oddly disappointed how utterly mundane she was, as if she was the key to something, to better understanding of things that were probably best left alone. Edward have been confused but annoyed at his reaction and Jasper hadn’t bothered to explain.) 

Aro knows as well as Jasper himself that Carlisle would never allow Renesmee to become something dangerous. He would sooner build her a gilded cage somewhere far away than allow Renesmee to do harm to human beings. 

Carlisle knows it as well as Jasper; that it wouldn’t be Jasper’s hands left to break Renesmee if she’s too strong, too dangerous, too unreasonable. It will be Carlisle’s, with a tender kiss and a prayer for her redemption. Aro sees Carlisle as weak and easily manipulated, and the rest of the family sees Carlisle as a pacifist, as a champion of life beyond all else. 

And Jasper sees him as a father who will protect his family from anything, even their own poor choices. As a doctor who recognises that to save a life, sometimes you must amputate, and Jasper is surprised no one else sees that in him. That they call him ‘doctor’, but they only see the man of faith. 

But he digresses. Aro has come here and it is not solely for Bella or Edward or Renesmee. It is for Alice, and she isn’t here. The Cullens have never met her, and he’s never told them about her. What would he say - “I met a demon-god-monster on a highway, and she was beautiful? We talked and argued and fucked, and then we parted ways. And I’ve never forgotten her”? They’d think he was crazier than ever. 

He’s always tasted arsenic on everything, since that terrible kiss. Always heard that faint heartbeat in his mind. Kept a ragged ribbon to worry at, looped around his keys, in his pocket for fifty something years. 

Alice…

They are going to fight and they are going to die because no one else here has the answers Aro wants, and Jasper is never going to breathe a word. The Volturi numbers into the forties, with the entire court and their witnesses. There just aren’t enough of them to win this. 

He should have fetched Maria, should have rounded up every stray, every nomad, every disenfranchised asshole this side of Monterrey for this debacle. 

Alice, I always hoped we’d cross paths again. I’m sorry.

“...Jasper?”

“Alice…”

The heartbeat in his head is beating louder, and the taste of her venom is strong on the back of his tongue.

Alice. 

—

If only a reunion could have been one of a time-stopping kiss, of being able to look the other in the eyes and say, “I’m so glad you’re safe, that you’re well. I missed you.”

Instead, it is this. 

[tera-91]

Mid-April thoughts

I didn’t mean to take a pause in posting. My thoughts have been a jumble lately.

My pup will need to have surgery so ive been working extra hours so that I can work less during the healing process. It sucks but I would rather go through with it now than the little cuddle bug be in discomfort. Poor thing has had some rough luck in the knee genetics department.

I have also been contemplating a job change but I would have to go to school for it. So Ive been dealing with checking out everything that I need to do for that. I think if I can be patient, which for me is kind of difficult, it would be a really good thing cuz I could potentially basically make in a day what I currently do in a week. It would definitely make things easier for me. But I wont be able to complete it for a few years. So I don’t know exactly what to do with my time between now and when I would be able to start taking courses.

Another jumbled thought I have is should I take advantage of the down time to try to pursue some side quests to make a little extra here and there to build it up so that I can quit my job while I go through school. I will have to be a three quarter to full time student while doing it so working and school might be a little bit of a juggling act. Also as bad as it might sound, I would rather do side quests than my actual job. I know that for most jobs dealing with people can be completely unavoided and there are jobs where it can be which would be a plus but I just get drained both mentally and physically dealing with people.

Other things have been good though.

I think I have figured out a way around some issues I was having with my videos. I just need to be able to spend some time to edit those so that I can post them. I have a pretty decent bank of them so I can spend time with my fluff ball to make sure healing goes well.

Writing I think is going good but also having a bit of a block. While I know I said I was probably going to take a break on sanders side stories, I somehow have 3 I’ve been working on. Maybe because I feel like I resonate with Virgil so its easier to write something with him verses starting something else. I can get anywhere from 300-500 words before my brain just halts and I cant figure out where to take it. I have an idea of the beginning but the further into it the murkier it gets and I don’t know where I want to take it. Part of me wants to go a fluff route but also writing is a bit of an emotional outlet for me. So part of me wants to just follow whatever emotion I have going at the time. Whether it be anger, frustration, etc but when I take a step back to review and edit I have hesitations. I know angst is a category and an option to post but at the same time I want what I create to be an escape for someone. Would that be helpful to others to read that or could it not be.

I guess anything could be helpful to anyone. Just a little bit of internal struggle. Maybe that is what is causing the block. Also I think I have a slight hesitation to post anything short after posting 2000-3000+ stories in the past. Even my word salads have been decently long. Also I get easily distracted or something just takes longer than I think it should and I get discouraged.

I hope everyone is having a good April. The weather is finally warming up but I think it has gone a bit too far. Gone from cold straight to HOT. I was hoping to have a little more slightly warm days so that way I could spend some time hanging outside and get back into painting. Or even just to enjoy nature for more than 15, maybe 20 minutes if Im lucky before it gets too hot out there. After I post this I might go try to enjoy as much time I can tolerate in the heat. I got some good nature photos the last time I went outside with my camera. Sometimes I contemplate if I should post them on here or maybe make an Instagram account and post them on there.

[the-letter-horror-lover]

Chapter Eight

۞

It wouldn't open.

He'd been staring at the damn thing, willing the envelope to just burst open for what might have been hours now. It was still on the desk, where he'd left it a couple of days ago, somehow hoping it would disappear. Unsurprisingly, it hadn't. Figures. Things he wanted like his collectables and unread books vanished daily – if Gray really thought he didn't know it was him, he was an even worse psychologist than everyone thought – but that bloody letter was still lying there, taunting him with its unopenness.

Ciel heaved a sigh, a familiar throbbing behind his eyepatch that always reared its ugly head when he was stressing out.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't the letter that he was getting so bent out of shape over. Maybe it was easier to focus his irritation on the letter and its sender than on Alois and his idealistic words the other day.

He'd be damned if he was going to start listening to the blond psychopath now.

...And there he was, letting his thoughts crawl back to that conversation, again.

The letter wasn't going to open itself, Ciel finally relented. It should have done, because he wanted it to, but the world really wasn't working in his favour today. With the umpteenth sigh of the day, he rose from his bed and dropped into the deskchair.

He'd already cleaned his room, or at least rearranged the mess, twice. Every item on the desk apart from the letter had been moved, moved, moved again. All his books were in alphabetical order, his dozen identical clothes neatly folded.

Glancing around the room, he realized with a sinking feeling that there was actually nothing left to do but to read the letter.

The envelope only said 'Ciel' in her painfully familiar, even now, elegant hand. There was patches that were slightly off-colour, and somehow he knew she'd stuck little stickers there but thought better of it. He wondered if she had agonized over this letter as much as he was.

He tore open the envelope.

Dear Ciel,

Auntie Ann says that she'll give my letter to you. I hope she does, she's been so forgetful since she got engaged to Arthur. Speaking of which, I'm going to be a bridesmaid! I'll get a beautiful dress, new shoes, my hair done, the full works. The wedding is going to be the summer of next year, which will be nice, though I have to admit I'm a little disappointed. That means we'll have to wait a whole year! They should have the wedding in winter! What's more romantic than snow?

Do you still like the snow, Ciel? I wonder. We used to always play in the snow, though you'd always be mean and push ice down the back of my dress. At least until your chest starting getting bad. I think of you whenever it snows. Wondering if you can breathe all right. You always managed to lose your inhaler. It was lucky Auntie always carried an extra for you.

I think of you when it doesn't snow too. I've got a whole drawer full of letters I wrote, but never gave to Auntie. I'd read them when I was done writing and think how pointless they were. Meaningless ramblings about my day, about my friends whose names you don't know nor care to, about events that I'll have forgotten all about by the time you read about them. Those letters just seemed like they'd waste your time. Maybe one day I'll show them to you, when you come home.

You're probably wondering why I'm sending this letter if I didn't send any of the others. Remember when we were little, and our Mothers would joke about the day we'd get married, planning all the little details to make us blush, like the little snowflakes on the invitations, and my orchid-bouquet? They'd make us practice our waltz, because they wanted that to be our first dance, even though you could never quite get the hang of leading me. It was fun, wasn't it? Even when you stepped on my toes, I was having fun.

I'm engaged, Ciel. You probably don't remember him, you never had much of a head for names and faces. I can't show you his face, but his name is Leo Baskerville. He's very good to me, takes me dancing and out to fancy meals, buys me pretty things and treats me like a princess. I think I love him. You'd think he was an idiot.

For the longest time I put off setting the date. No one, even myself, understood why I was so adamant not to pick a day for the wedding. Then I realised. I said I'd wait for you, Ciel. Back then, when Auntie Ann came in tears and told me you wouldn't be coming home, I promised that I'd wait for you. I suppose a part of me, the part who didn't want to set the date, was still waiting for you. But I can't wait any longer, Ciel. It's funny, isn't it? A little girl always dreams of her wedding day. The big white dress, the roses, the beautiful church. And for me, when I pictured my groom, I pictured you. Not the little you who stepped on my toes when we danced, but the man you would grow to be. I never thought as a little girl that I wouldn't know that man.

I'm going to marry Leo. Our first dance will be the waltz, he's a beautiful lead, and my bouquet will be orchids. I guess I'm just selfishly trying to ease this guilt by writing to you. I feel as though I betrayed you, the you who I grew up with and whose last name I'd add to my first name in my head, by not waiting. But I still hope. I hope that one day you'll come home. Not to be my husband, because I will be a loyal and loving wife, but just so that maybe I can get to know the man you've become, Ciel.

No longer yours but always with love,

Lizzie.

And Ciel smiled, a genuine smile, maybe the smile that he'd given Lizzie once upon a time when they'd danced and she'd only giggled when he'd damn-near trampled her dainty little feet. It had been the longest time since he'd smiled like he was smiling now, and it almost hurt.

Little Lizzie Middleford was getting married. She was right that he didn't remember that Leo person, but regardless, he mentally changed her name to Lizzie Baskerville, and it sounded right. So much better than Lizzie Phantomhive would have sounded, no matter how many times she may have chanted the name in her head.

Ciel tried to picture just how Lizzie might have looked now, but couldn't. To him, she would always be the beaming girl with the doe-like eyes of enchanting emerald and hair like liquid gold. With her shrill cries and streaming tears when she didn't get her way, but her tinkling laugh and that warmth she gave everybody without reserve.

Little Lizzie was getting married, and she had the blessing of the man Ciel Phantomhive had become.

۞

The elation simply wasn't destined to last.

“Late...” Ciel muttered to himself, twirling a pawn between his fingers. As pathetic a competition as Ash proved these days, he found himself bored enough to wander out into the leisure room that night. He was beginning to wonder whether Ash had again been struck by one of his too numerous to be innocent illnesses, when someone opened the ward door.

He frowned, but greeted, “Hello, Hannah.”

“Hello, Ciel,” that voice that was so soft it was a whisper responded, the woman coming over to the empty chair, the dim lamplight doing little to illuminate her. Ciel had to squint if he wanted to see her at all.

“Ash ill again?” He set the pawn down, moving it to the most advantageous place mechanically. He wouldn't have to try with her.

“It would seem so,” she responded, mimicking Ciel's movement with little to no thought.

They played in silence for a while, the game doing nothing to lift Ciel's boredom, before Hannah spoke again. An unwelcome question.

“How are your sessions with Dr. Faustus going, Ciel?”

He looked up at that, and she must have moved at some point, because he could see her properly now.

“A-Ah-”

Bile rose in his throat.

A plastic smile twisted her lips, feral, mirth glistening in her eyes as the colour fled Ciel's face.

His first thought was that it grew back, but even in such a sickened state, Ciel wasn't stupid and knew that was impossible. Eyes didn't just grow back, especially not when they were clawed from someone's very skull.

His second thought was oh christ I know that colour, and he did. It took but a second to place the murky grey that had glared at him oh-so-many times for whatever unknown slight, that had once belonged to Peter, that now stared out at him in amusement as he tried to look away but couldn't.

“Is something the matter, Ciel?” she asked softly, innocently, and that eye followed his hands as he brought them up to cover his mouth.

There were still faint lines around her eye where stitches had clearly been, and he didn't know why but seeing those barely-there scars were what sickened him the most.

“G-Gonna be sick-” Ciel choked out, jumping from his chair so quickly it clattered to the floor. Hannah didn't move to stop him as he stumbled away from her as fast as he could, his own eye glued to his door, needing to get into his room even though the door wouldn't lock and she could easily just come after him, but it was his room and that meant safety-

He wasn't surprised when hands wrapped around him, but that didn't stop him from thrashing around, trying to escape their grasps. His skin crawled everywhere he felt their touch, and if he'd been able to, he would have clawed at the flesh to stop that revolting crawl.

“Shh, Ciel,” he heard Hannah say distantly, a hollow echo of comfort in her tone.

Two of the triplets, nameless as far as he was concerned, held him steady as the third knelt in front of him with the needle. Hannah's hand grasped his cheeks, keeping his head still.

The default thought so instilled in him that it came as often as air returned, that maybe if he just kept still, let them do as they please, retreated inside himself and waited, then it would all be over soon enough, maybe even painlessly.

And, as always, Ciel killed the thought. Like hell would he be forced to his knees.

It was so hard to remember that resolution when the drug spread through his veins like wildfire, burning all sense away. He fell limp in their hands, his body no longer listening to his screams to escape them.

۞

That heartbeat was a vicious flutter beneath his fingertips, so like the wings of a butterfly caged by hands, loose enough to live but tight enough to ensnare. There was a thrilled satisfaction that he was the one making his heart beat in such a frenzy, furthered when the boy's hands clung to him instinctively as his head broke the surface. Clutching so tightly at his arms, because he was his lifeline, he was relief from the pain – ah, but you are the one inflicting it, aren't you? only for his own good, always for his own good – and the boy knew it.

Ciel choked and spluttered, couching up water that was more like ice, lashing his captor and saviour with a glare colder than any freeze. His chest rose and fell, heaving heavily, his breath a wheeze.

“What did you do, Ciel?”

The same words as always transpired between them, and it was the unspoken words weaved between the spoken, I want to help you, I want to make you better, I want to free you, that fell on deaf ears as Ciel resolutely kept his lips together.

He almost sighed, “It's unfortunate you're being so stubborn, Ciel,” as the boy left him no other choice than to force his head beneath the water's surface once again.

Claude tightened his arm around the boy's waist as he flung out his arms and legs, not a fraction of aim, just desperation to hit the man as his lungs burned and spots danced before his eyes. He tightened his fist in the silken cobalt hair, making sure Ciel didn't get air until Claude granted it to him.

As Ciel's back hitched, movements becoming more frantic, Claude pulled him back towards his chest again. Water flooded the linoleum floor they were knelt on, every inch of Ciel saturated through.

“What did you do, Ciel?”

His skin was ice to the touch now, body racked with violent tremors, but Claude knew that had little to do with the temperature and more with their proximity. Ciel was too busy forcing the water from his body to pull away though, even when Claude began to aide him, rubbing small circles on his back.

Again he could feel that heartbeat, fingers skimming over his collarbone, so brittle and fragile. Just a little pressure, a little too much force, and the bones would snap, the fluttering heartbeat would cease.

But of course he wouldn't do that. No, he thought as Ciel finally caught his breath enough to try wrenching away from the too-intimate hold Claude had on him, because the powerful protect the weak. We protect that fragile heartbeat, and we fix those broken bones.

“What did you do, Ciel?”

And the first step to fixing the weak was, of course, to make them see just how broken they were.

۞

“Ciel?!” His voice missed its usual exuberance, so heavy with worry that it almost drew him to waking.

“Wha-What's wrong with him?” She knew, of course, had seen it before, but could think of little else to say. Her speechlessness was unusual enough that it almost pulled him to consciousness.

Oh god, it hurt. Head was pounding, like something was inside his skull trying to claw its way out, and had he drank fire because his throat burned so damn much, and where was all the air?

“What do we do?” That voice was never calm, yet now they were taking charge of the situation, and it was so funny he wanted to laugh, but there wasn't enough air to breathe, nevermind laugh.

The voices all melded into one and he could no longer put a name or even a face to them, and then he couldn't hear them at all.

۞

“Joker!”

“Sebastian!”

“Joker!”

“Sebastian!”

Anyone with any experience at St. Victoria's would attest with utmost honesty that Soma Asman Kadar, information-bank and self-proclaimed Prince, was a child. Even at twenty years old, he was a child. If he wasn't the centre of attention, if he didn't get his way, if the curry Bard made was just that little bit too hot, all hell broke loose.

Soma was very aware of how people viewed him. He played on it, even. Which was why, at times like these, there was nothing he loved more than the looks on people's faces when he acted his age.

“Freckles, Ciel's shivering has gotten worse. Go and get your quilt for him,” Soma instructed, looking very much the Prince he pretended to be as he lounged in Ciel's deskchair, gesturing the girl away.

She tore her eyes away from Alois, scowl now being thrown his way, but after a quick glance at the trembling mess on the bed, she nodded and stalked out the door. Alois hmph'd, folding his arms across his chest.

Soma had already been discarded from the argument. He'd been ready to go and get Agni to help, but neither Alois or Freckles were very agreeable. At least Freckles disagreed in a more agreeable way, though.

An awkward silence developed between the two boys, broken only by Ciel's rattling breaths.

Soma never did handle silence well.

“So... Nice weather we're having, huh?” He injected as much enthusiasm into the words as possible, but the poisonous look Alois shot him made clear the attempt was unappreciated.

“Yeah, the weather here usually sucks. Now, winters in India, man are they something!”

Were those crickets he could hear?

“... I hear there might even be snow next week!”

Alois just carried on glaring at him.

“Y'know, that's pretty impressive, Alois. I could never go that long without blinking. My eyes get all tired and scratchy and blurry and-”

“Stop talking.”

“Yessir.”

It was anyone's guess who was more grateful for Freckles' return. At least until Alois caught sight of who was following behind her.

“I said no, you stupid cow!” the blond hissed, and if it had been anyone else on the receiving end, they'd have retreated as quickly as they could. As it were, Freckles was more than used to Alois' mood swings – she was fairly sure his even worse than normal temperament towards her was solely down to her gender and his dislike of said gender – so she just flipped him off.

Joker gave a sheepish grin, “Nice to see you too, blondie.”

“What the hell is he gonna be able to do to help? Nothing we couldn't do. We need someone from the staff-”

“No staff! They can't be trusted!” Freckles cut off, bordering shrill.

Soma just sighed. That was pretty much the back-and-forth they'd been having for the past hour and a half. As Freckles and Alois resumed their circuitous argument, Joker came over. He rested his good hand on Ciel's forehead, grimacing.

“Don't need a thermometer to know that ain't right.”

“We can just toss him in the shower and run the cold for his temp. It's his breathing that's the problem,” Soma informed, and as if on cue, Ciel broke out into throat-tearing coughs. It wasn't the coughs that concerned them so much as the trouble the unconscious boy had regaining his breath afterwards.

Joker frowned.

“Well... for a start, I don't think more covers are a good idea. We need to get his temp down, not jack it up more,” as he said it, the man ripped the blankets away, “What he needs is his inhaler...”

“Which is why we should get Sebastian! He'll help!” Alois jumped at the slightest hint in his favour.

Freckles groaned in frustration. Honest to God, she wanted to slap the blond psychopath. Preferably with a brick.

“What part of no staff aren't you getting-”

“As loathe as I am to disagree with a lady, I'm thinkin' blondie has a point. Sebastian's a good bloke, s'far as I've seen anyway, risked his ass to help me out. God knows I'd be missin' more than an arm if he hadn't come alo-”

“That was Smile, not him!” Freckles looked positively betrayed, and Joker couldn't help wincing. The idea that the person she thought could solve all the problems, he was painfully aware a lot of the other patients saw him that way, was willing to actually ask staff for help. It was nothing short of sickening.

“Doll,” she softened at the rarely-used petname, “Smile wouldn't have gotten as far as the door without Sebastian's help and you know it. He needs our help, and you being stubborn over this isn't helpin' at all. There's no way we're gonna be able to get his inhaler by ourselves.”

Freckles looked everywhere but at Joker, face crumpled somewhere between thought and anger, and it was all he could do not to scrap the idea just to get rid of that expression so unbecoming of her.

She didn't say anything more, didn't relent to Joker's reasoning, but her silence was the most permission she was going to give them.

۞

“I mean, you've got to appreciate the work he's put into it!” Ronald beamed, eyes shining with mirth behind his thick-rimmed glasses, skipping along beside the fuming Sebastian. When said livid man turned the most ferocious of glares on him, the younger man only seemed more amused.

“The stitchwork! I didn't know he was capable of that, must have practised for weeks. He'll have been working on it alllll night long.”

How was this person still alive? Surely someone should have murdered him by now. Sebastian was seriously considering taking the job himself. While he was at it, may as well take care of that demented, overly-flamboyant, excessively loud, argument-for-an-entire-human-race-genocide Grell Sutcliffe.

“Hey, Sebastian! Have you got a... flurgle.”

To those less versed in the language of Soma, 'flurgle' is the approximate translation of 'oh wow, that Grell guy has stitched his name onto your ass, but whoa, you don't look happy and if I laugh I'll probably die.' Unfortunately, thanks to Agni, Sebastian was rather fluent in Soma-nese, and the purple-haired man's attempts to swallow his laughter only served to further annoy him.

Tittering, Ronald sauntered away, leaving the two alone.

“Have I got a what?!” Sebastian hissed, really not in the mood for more laughter at his expense. It would have been fine, except Grell had somehow managed to get at all of his pants, and had hidden anything and everything he could have used to get rid of the branding.

Soma masked a bark of laughter as a cough before recovering himself.

“C-Can you spare a sec?”

Sebastian followed the clearly giggling man, frowning as he realised where they were going.

He'd never been inside Ciel's room before. It was just as he expected it would be, though. A little larger than this own, and much nicer. Plush carpeting where his was wooden flooring, new-looking wallpaper where his was discoloured and peeling away, everything was a royal blue. There were two bookcases on opposite ends of the room, completely full. Not only with books but with figurines, a quite excessive amount of snowglobes, a flood of toys – if Ciel had been conscious, he'd have made clear that they were collectables, not toys – and so many different board games. There was a large desk, papers scattered across the surface, along with a myriad of sweet wrappers. The room itself was as messy as its inhabitant, clothes sprawled across the floor, the cupboard open and a mountain of broken toys tumbling out. He had an itching to start tidying up a little, just enough to actually be able to see the floor.

There was even an ensuite bathroom.

“He's sick.” Joker's voice pulled him back to the moment, and it was more the fact that Joker was there than his words that alarmed Sebastian.

Ciel did not like people in his room.

There were five people in his room.

It was a good thing he was unconscious or he would have blown a gasket.

He was whiter than white. You could almost see the veins spiderwebbing beneath his skin, he was so pale. The sweat plastered his hair to his face and neck, the sheen making him look even more translucent. His chest heaved, and Sebastian could almost feel how painful every difficultly-drawn breath was.

“What's wrong with him? He was fine yesterday,” Sebastian stated, crossing over to take a closer look. Like every other person in the room had, he rested a hand on Ciel's forehead, frown deepening at the heat.

“He's got asthma or somethin'. Gets worse when he gets a cold, I guess,” Joker offered, shrugging one shoulder, “He had a session with Faustus, so I'm guessing he got tanked.”

Filing away the term for later investigation, Sebastian made to pick Ciel up, “I'll take him to the Infirmary.”

“NO!” four voices bellowed unanimously. Soma even jumped up from his seat.

He'd have argued, but Ciel chose that moment to worsen his gasping. It sounded like every breath was the first after drowning, resisting every step of the way to go to his lungs. Unconscious of his movements until he was actually doing them, Sebastian turned Ciel onto his side, and the wheezing thankfully subsided.

His clothes were soggy and the heat was literally radiating from his body.

After working at St. Victoria's as long as he had, Sebastian didn't argue, trusting that the patients knew what they were talking about, “So what do we do then?”

“He needs medicine,” Soma spoke up, “But more importantly, his inhaler.”

Sebastian was moving immediately, glancing around the room.

“Nah, mate. It ain't here. It got confiscated after... an incident with Faustus.”

Joker and Freckles started snickering, Soma grinning. At Sebastian's confused expression, Freckles enlightened him.

“Well, Smile don't like being touched, and Dr. Faustus can get real handsy with him. In his defense, Smile did tell him to get his hands off. He didn't, so Smile made him. Let's just say that Dr. Faustus didn't wear glasses before that day.”

Joker cut off his laughter abruptly, “Yeah... it was funnier when he could breathe though...”

“His inhaler is somewhere in Dr. Faustus' office. Get some medicine from the Infirmary and get the inhaler, then get your ass back here before he suffocates or somethin',” Freckles instructed.

As much as he hated being ordered around by people younger than him, especially when they were copping an attitude for some reason, Sebastian heeded Freckles' words and was out of the ward in minutes.

۞

If Sebastian had been on such a mission a month before, he'd have been darting around corners, hiding behind plants and skulking in shadowed alcoves every step of the way. As it were, he had more than a little knowledge now, so walked the hallways free of fear. Laden with the essential flu treatments, cold compresses and cough medicine etc., he made his way towards Claude's office.

People who saw him in the corridors didn't ask why he wasn't at his post, didn't enquire as to why he had half the Infirmary's stock in his arms, didn't even demand to see identification. It was no longer odd to him; everyone went about their own business, and nobody asked questions about other peoples.

There was not a single camera in any corner either.

Dropping his loot into one of the chairs outside, Sebastian rapped on the door of Claude's office. He had a fleeting hope that maybe the man wasn't there, which was crushed as his dulcet tones granted him entrance.

“I'm sorry to bother you, Claude, but I was hoping you could spare a minute?” Plastering on his best for-the-boss smile, Sebastian shut the door behind him.

Claude was sat behind his desk, poring over some papers, and actually looked put-out. Well, if that wasn't almost an emotion. Miracles do happen.

“...I'm rather... busy at the moment, Sebastian. What is it you need?” His tone was clipped, and Sebastian was fairly sure that was irritation in those amber eyes.

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry,” the sarcasm seemed to be lost on the bespectacled man, “But I just needed to enquire about the protocol for leaving the Hospital grounds? Agni tells me there's a process that needs to be gone through first.”

Every time Claude adjusted his glasses, Sebastian had to bite back his smirk, picturing Ciel spraying Claude right in the face with an inhaler. He could just see the smug expression on the boy's face, could imagine how very satisfied he must feel whenever he saw Claude donning his specs.

Claude appeared to be weighing the pros and cons of telling Sebastian to bite him. Clearly, the cons won out, and he gestured for Sebastian to take a seat.

“Given the importance of our work and for the patients' safety, security is rather tight. You'll need to submit a request for temporary leave, which the Chairmen have to authorise, before you can go. If it's not too personal a question, why exactly do you need so sudden a leave?”

He had to be careful of his answer there. After all, he didn't have any contact with the world outside of the Institute, so blagging a relatives death was out of the question. Besides, he had no intention of actually going anywhere, so it needed to be something easily cancelable.

“It's not terribly sudden; my sister was pregnant before I came here, getting on in months, and she'll have had the baby by now, I believe. I'll never hear the end of it if I don't show face at least once.”

He didn't have a sister, and he hated babies. He could easily forge a letter off his imaginary sister announcing her travels, making it impossible for him to meet up with them.

Claude nodded.

“I see. Excuse me a moment while I go get the necessary documents,” he stated, rising from his chair and leaving the room.

No sooner had the door clicked shut behind him than Sebastian was on his feet. Going by what little he knew of Claude Faustus, and half of that was Sebastian's musings on what an asshat he was, things like confiscated 'dangerous' items were probably kept in his desk.

Could the man be more predictable?

The inhaler was lying in an otherwise empty drawer, looking almost like a trophy given its own special place.

That wasn't creepy at all.

He shoved it in his pocket, closing the drawer. As he was crossing back around the desk to the chair, his hand grazed over the papers on Claude's desk, knocking them to the ground. Biting back a curse, he stooped down to pick them up.

Soma stared up at him listlessly from the discoloured photograph attached to one of the sheets of paper. His face was missing the usual beaming grin and shining eyes that Sebastian was so used to seeing, and maybe it was that that ignited his curiosity.

His eyes scanned the topmost paper.

Thursday 29 th March, 2008:

Patient X27 displaying marginal improvements. Has been in Room 1800 for six days since the incident. In today's session, admitted to forming friendship with Aleister Chambers and asking Chambers to take him outside 'for fresh air'. However, still denies any acts of violence towards Chambers, insists that Chambers' death was completely accidental.

Saturday 31st March, 2008:

Patient X27's emotional state deteriorating. Use of the wire caused severe panic and produced no positive results. He still maintains that Chambers' death was not his doing.

Wednesday 4th April, 2008:

Patient X27 began pleading for bathing rights. His continued state of unclean is beginning to distress him. Possible guilt over his hand in Chambers' death, Chambers' blood still coating him an unwelcome reminder? Continue observation.

Friday 22nd April, 2008:

Patient X27 has reverted to childlike behaviour. A ploy to lull into false sense of security? Monitor this. Refuses to answer any questions, rejecting food and drink, progressed overnight into rocking in the corner of the room and crying.

Monday 8th May, 2008:

Patient X27 released from room 1800 after childlike behaviour ceased and he attempted to strangle Dr. Phipps. Granted a bath. Returned to ward. Continue observations, risk level raised to six point five.

It wasn't until Claude's approaching footsteps reached his ears that Sebastian tore his eyes away from the page, hurriedly replacing it on the desk and taking his seat. With difficultly, he trained his face back into its polite smile, trying to keep his panic at bay.

Soma had killed some former member of staff? After 'forming a friendship' with them?

Sebastian forced the thought from his mind, accepting the sheets Claude handed him with a smile and taking his leave from the office.

Agni wasn't necessarily in any danger. It could just be a misunderstanding. After all, Sebastian didn't have any faith in how 'mad' some of the patients were, no matter how much the other staff members would insist upon it. Why should he believe that Soma had murdered someone-

blind faith in someone who may be planning to use Agni to get out of the ward and kill him as soon as? Agni didn't know, Agni couldn't know, Agni genuinely felt something for Soma (murderer) and wouldn't believe something like that even when Soma had his fingers wrapped around Agni's throat-

he had to warn Agni.

۞

When Sebastian got back to Ciel's room, Soma was the only one there with the sick boy. He greeted Sebastian with a bright grin.

“Hey! Thought we were gonna have to send a search party out for you.”

Sebastian didn't answer, overly aware of just how close Soma's hands were to Ciel's neck.

Soma jumped up from his chair and Sebastian tensed.

“Here, gimme the inhale-”

“You can go,” Sebastian cut across, words sharp enough to cut, “I'll take care of him.”

Soma faltered, grin slipping away. The coldness of Sebastian's words and the unreadable look in his eyes stung the younger man, and he took a step back, putting a little space between them. He wondered for half a second if he'd angered Sebastian, but could think of nothing offensive he'd done.

Forcing his smile back into place, he decided Sebastian's mood was simply worry over Ciel, and his dismissing was simply because he wanted to be alone with the youngest boy, “Right. I'll see you later then, Sebastian.”

۞

“Ciel, wake up,” Sebastian said, shaking the boy's shoulder. His temperature had gone down a lot over the last two hour, thanks to the compress and what little medicine he'd managed to give Ciel during the short period he'd been awake earlier. During that period, Sebastian had been witness to something very few in the World could claim to have seen; a delirious Ciel Phantomhive.

Sebastian could honestly say it was the single most oddest thing he'd ever seen.

Ciel Phantomhive, in his experience, was serious, proud, independent and so many other things. He gave off an air of superiority without even trying, without it seeming conceited; it was simply how things were. He kept everyone at arms length and even that distance was a privilege. When he looked at you, you were the only person there, everyone else seemed to melt away.

Today, though, he was a child.

“C'mon – no, keep still – you have to take it,” Sebastian insisted, beyond exasperated. Still groggy, Ciel rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, effectively avoiding the spoon of medicine. Complaints of its taste were muffled by the cushion, and any time Sebastian attempted to roll him back over, Ciel just shuffled further away, closer and closer to the side of the bed.

Sebastian was starting to entertain the prospect of letting the little bugger just fall off.

“You take it!” Ciel snapped, tearing the cold compress from his forehead and whipping it at Sebastian's too-close hand. He had a full-on pout on his face now that would have mortified the usual Ciel.

“I'm not the one who's sick, Ciel,” Sebastian sighed, clinging to the last dregs of his patience.

“Neither am I!” The statement would have been more convincing if it hadn't trailed off into wheezing coughs. For the hundredth time, the boy sucked on the inhaler.

“Yes, you're the picture of perfect health.”

Sebastian took the momentary distraction to shove the spoon into Ciel's mouth, clamping a hand over his lips to make sure he didn't spit it back out. Again. Ciel took that as a chance to smack him around the face with the compress. Again.

If he'd known how much effort playing nurse was going to be, he'd have left Soma to take care of the brat, murderer or not.

His mind was still reeling over the information, and he decided to take advantage of Ciel's current state to get some answers he probably wouldn't have gotten if the boy was healthy and aware. Still, even sick and acting like a five year old, Ciel was still Ciel, so subtlety was called for.

Ciel, fully medicated, curled back up on the bed. If the glare was anything to go by, the boy was sulking.

“I heard a name today. Aleister Chambers. I think he used to be a member of staff here?”

Ciel's glare worsened.

“He was a complete and utter ponce.”

Sebastian cocked a brow.

“You weren't fond of him then?”

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“Any particular reason?”

Ciel shrugged, rubbing his nose on his sleeve.

“'Cause he was just irritating.”

“I was under the impression you found everyone irritating,” Sebastian couldn't help stating.

“You're irritating,” Ciel muttered beneath his breath, sitting up and rooting through a drawer in his bedside cabinet. He looked more and more depressed as his hand went deeper, until he let out a cry of victory, pulling his hand back out.

“Thanks... So I heard he was rather close with your friend, Soma?”

Pulling the wrapper off the lollipop, Ciel examined it closely before sticking it in his mouth, “Soma? Not particularly. Don't think they ever said two words to each other, actually.”

Sebastian didn't question Ciel's honesty. In the less-than-pristine state he was in, Ciel had no reason to lie, and even if he was fully healthy, Sebastian still would have believed his words. He'd already invested too much in the boy not to trust him, after all.

Still, he had his doubts. Sebastian knew perfectly well that, at least before he started working at the Institute, Ciel had spent most of his time in his room. Soma could have befriended Chambers without Ciel's knowledge. It was hardly as though Ciel made other people's friendships his business.

He had enough doubts to be worried for Agni.

۞

“Hey, Sebastian. How's Smile doin'?” Freckles asked, closing the door behind her. She was over her previous bad mood already, just glad that Ciel had gotten his inhaler back. He looked much better than before. He wasn't panting for breaths anymore, some colour had come back into his face and he was sleeping soundly.

“Much better. He'll probably sleep through the night now,” Sebastian yawned, stretching out of the hard plastic chair. Taking care of the boy was much easier when he wasn't conscious.

“It's almost eight, so I'll take over for ya. Figure I'll just crash in here.”

“Right,” Sebastian rolled his shoulders to get rid of the stiffness, “I'll check in tomorrow then. Good night.”

“W-wait!”

Sebastian paused at the door, looking back over his shoulder at the uncomfortable-looking girl.

“Hm?”

“Um... just... thanks, y'know. You, er, you really helped us out... G'night.” She turned her back to him, but not quick enough to hide her slowly reddening face. Sebastian chuckled, leaving the room.

It was on his back towards the dorm building that Sebastian came across Agni, who greeted him with a cheerful wave.

They chatted work for a while as they made their to their rooms, and it was when Agni mentioned Soma, and smiled so damn happily, that Sebastian snapped.

“Stay away from Soma.”

The words were out of his mouth before he'd even thought about them, more a sharp order than a simple request. Agni's face fell, but not into a frown. A frown Sebastian could have handled, a frown Sebastian was expecting.

Agni glared.

Sebastian had known Agni for so many years now, had certainly pissed the man off with his cockiness and flakiness plenty of times, had endured exasperated lectures from him whenever a woman he spurned took out her hurt on Agni, had been insensitive and just a downright asshole to him sometimes, yet Agni had never glared at him before.

“Look, I can't explain how I know, but... he's dangerous, Agni. He's using you. If you let him, then he's going to hurt you-” Sebastian hurried to explain himself, but Agni was hearing none of it. The usually impeccably polite man ceased the flow of words with a sharp wave of his hand, grey eyes hardening.

“Enough.”

It was a single word, but said with such ferocious anger that even Sebastian had to step back. A part of him, a part that was getting increasingly larger as Agni's glare grew more venomous, was angered that Agni was trusting Soma over him. Had they not been friends for years? Had Sebastian not helped him get through some of the most difficult moments in his life? And yet Agni was willing to place more trust in a person he barely knew, had barely known for such a short time?

“Fine. What happens has nothing to do with me,” Sebastian snapped.

He washed his hands of the matter.

۞

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

۞

Chapter Nine

۞

Steady hands cracking it open in a skilful way rarely seen in that kitchen, the egg dropped into the pan without a single scrap of shell. The yolk sizzled, breaking the silence in the room, and soon enough several strips of bacon joined the fray.

Ah, perfection. Not a single smell of burning, either.

“Yo, Sebastian!” Bard strode through the kitchen doors, grinning widely, ever-present cigarette hanging unlit from his teeth. His chef's apron was already stained an ashy black.

“Smoking in bed again, I see,” Sebastian observed, filling the kettle.

Bard's grin turned sheepish.

“Heh... well, y'know, these uniforms, bloody flammable....”

“Coffee?” Sebastian asked as the water boiled, moving around Bard fluidly while the blond began his own breakfast.

“That'd be crackin'. Want me to take care of that for ya?” He gestured to Sebastian's masterpiece.

“No. Don't even look at it.”

There was a theory circulating the asylum that Bard's mere gaze could turn the most exquisite of delicacies into poison. Sebastian was a firm believer in it.

Sebastian had become something of a permanent fixture in St. Victoria's kitchens over the past two weeks. His ongoing argument with Agni had only worsened in that time. It was probably the already present annoyance there that made him abandon any semblance of manners in favour of edible meals and outright demand that Bard let him make his own. Half expecting to be flamethrower'd, he was pleasantly surprised when Bard just told him to 'knock himself out' and happily handed over ingredients. Since then, Sebastian had been coming down every morning to the kitchens and having breakfast with them. While certainly not his first choice in company, they were a lot more tolerable morning companions than Will and his death traps or Grell and his... well, he was a trap in and of himself.

“That fucktard Ash was down here yesterday. Gave me a right lecture about sanitation and how I 'must use the proper cooking utensils'. Bollocks to him, man's never used a fork for more than food, I'll tell you that!”

Bard was of the opinion that if you hadn't circumcised a man with a spoon by the time you were twelve then you just couldn't call yourself a man.

“And get this; the prissy SOB said they're cutting my funding! 'More important things, a drain on our resources, blah blah blah'.” Sebastian was quite a fan of Bard's Ash impression. It was quite on the mark.

“He's not your boss. Surely he doesn't have the power to cut your funding?”

“That's what I said! Where he gets off preaching to me...” Bard trailed off in an aggravated mutter, skewering the food formally known as sausage. No doubt he was imagining it was a certain lilac-eyed man.

As Sebastian sat down at the table, the other two musketeers dragged themselves into the room. Finny dropped into a chair and let his head fall to the table with a dull thunk! Meirin wasn't even conscious enough to blush when Sebastian greeted her.

They soon woke up when Bard skidded their plates across the table to them. Honestly, the two had stomachs of steel, and god knows what unearthly substance their teeth were made from.

“It's hardly as though they gave me that much in the first place, yanno?”

Finny blinked sleepily up at Bard, shovelling the food clumsily into his mouth, “Whatcha talking about?”

“The Pillock.”

His maiden name, of course.

“Huh? You too?” Meirin exclaimed, “Angela came to see me yesterday! She said the cost of the plates that got broken are coming out of my pay cheque.”

“Me too! She said my mowing was uneven and told me to use a ruler.”

Sebastian was fairly sure Finny had never touched a ruler in his life. His baffled expression only reinforced that.

The entirety of breakfast was spent bitching about the siblings, and Sebastian found he didn't mind all that much. Yes, the trio was far from his usual type of company. Bard's overall coarseness and fondness towards all things flammable, Finny's excessively childish disposition and Meirin's complete inability to look him in the eye without her head imploding were dampeners, that was for certain. However, he found himself becoming, if not warmed up to those attributes, at least accustomed to them.

Well, there were worse ways to spend a morning.

۞

It wasn't snowing. It should have been, but that's English weather for you.

For as long as he could remember, Snake had always abhorred Christmas. There was just something about the day itself that he simply couldn't tolerate.

Maybe it was the good cheer. Don't get the wrong impression; Snake could be very cheerful, though most found it hard to tell, and liked other people to be too. It was contagious, a smile, a thing he very much liked to see. However, the good cheer at Christmas was just so... false. Adults spending money they didn't have on toys their kids didn't want but would have to pretend to like. Well, should pretend to like, though most didn't opt for sparing the gift-givers feelings. The awkward and tense social gatherings of in-laws who hated each other but acted otherwise, with hugs like punches and kisses like bites, asking how their year had been and feeling sorely disappointed to learn their house hadn't burnt down.

Maybe it was the fakeness of the holiday itself. The image of Christmas was one of warmth, massive banquets, a beautiful sheet of snow falling at just the right time, family and friends banding together. In all his twenty years, not one of his Christmases had been like that. Not that he expected them to be, but it was certainly false advertising.

Even the religious aspects of the season were lost on him, faith not something he ever recalled possessing. He didn't even believe in Santa Clause.

Maybe if it had snowed last night, he'd feel better, Snake thought as he stared out the window. He usually avoided looking out the window, the thick bars across the glass caging him in and making him restless, but he always made an exception in December. Maybe that second he looked would be the second the first snowflake would fall.

With a small sigh, Snake tore his eyes from the window, rolling onto his side. The arms around his waist tightened, and he felt a little better.

“No snow,” Drocell murmured, and it wasn't even a question anymore.

“No snow,” Snake confirmed, inching closer to his companion until their chests were touching and their breaths were mingling.

“Snowin' in Alaska,” Drocell yawned, words slurred with sleep, “Lot o' snow there.”

Snake always loved a sleepy Drocell. His violet eyes hazy and unfocused, copper hair a shaggy mess, and always so much more clingy than he ever let himself be any other time. Not that his partner was particularly distant, but he was so very careful to keep any physical contact, even the slightest brush of hands, to a minimum outside of their rooms. God forbid any of the staff knew, knew to use this against them.

“Definitely Christmas in Alaska then.”

“Pagans, whole lot of 'em.”

Snake much preferred the idea of Winter Solstice than Christmas. No particular reason, maybe the name was just better to him. Drocell had told him all about it back on their first Christmas together. Honestly, Snake could remember little of the details, but the name had such a nice ring to it.

A crash from outside the door set them both on guard, all sleepiness abandoning the elder man as his arms tightened further around Snake.

A rapping on the door, vaguely resembling Jingle Bells but only vaguely, had them relaxing.

“A lady's present, let's keep it PG, boys!” Without further warning, Joker flung the door open and bounced into the room with a grin. Beast followed behind him, ready to shield her eyes if she needed to, looking as happy as Drocell at the early morning call.

“How can you sleep in on Christmas?! Up, up!” No matter how many years had passed, Joker's December enthusiasm had yet to let up in the slightest.

Beast nearly nodded off where she stood, until Joker grabbed her hand and pulled her from the room, no doubt to harass everyone else too.

“He's not human, getting up so early in the morning,” Drocell grumbled as he pulled himself out of the bed, dragging a hand through his dishevelled hair. Snake followed suit, already missing the warmth of sleep. Once they were more-or-less dressed, they trudged into the leisure room.

Joker had worked his way around the bedrooms and roused almost everyone, the groggy masses collapsing onto the couches and chairs, cursing their unofficial leader and his impenetrable good cheer.

Soma was the only one unaffected by the early hour, bouncing up and down in his seat and humming some mishmash of Christmas songs off-key. Everyone in the room collectively damned him to hell.

“Ow – come on, Smile, it's – okay, put the toy down, it's pointy – sorry, collecta – Yeesh, fine, man!” Joker huffed, skidding out of Ciel's room and just missing the door hitting his arse as it swung shut.

It was an annual thing. No-one would have bothered if it weren't for Joker, and it wasn't as though anyone else really exchanged gifts apart from him. He was doing his rounds now, handing out little things he shouldn't have had that he'd accumulated over the year; books that weren't paperback and so faded you couldn't make out the words, comics, new hair and toothbrushes, real soap, not that industrial crap they usually got, even food that was deemed too nice for them. Joker made sure everyone got something, and something they'd want, the only reason he wasn't flogged for dragging them up at eight in the morning.

Snake accepted his gifts with a small quirk of the lips, “Thank you.” Christmas may not have been his favourite time of year, far from it, but what Joker was doing had very little to do with the actual season, and he couldn't have been more grateful for it.

More than the little trinkets Joker handed them with a grin, he was giving them a sense of normalcy despite their title of patient, the idea that they were doing the same thing people all over the world were doing.

It was nice to feel normal every once in a while.

“Incoming!” Soma hollered from over by the door, hiding his stash beneath him on the chair. Everyone else followed suit as the familiar beeping rang out and the ward door opened, the staff on shift spilling in. When the purple-haired man saw who was coming in first, his eyes narrowed, but a smug smirk formed on his lips.

“Mornin', Sebby!” Soma greeted, overtly cheerful.

He'd been hurt, at first. Ever since that day Ciel had been sick, something had changed between him and Sebastian. At least, something had changed in Sebastian. He was fairly sure he'd done nothing to warrant such blatant hostility. It was almost scary, how cold Sebastian had become. Sure, they'd hardly been bosom buddies or anything before, but they'd at least gotten along. Now? Now, Soma was certain Sebastian wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire. And a lot of his fellow patients were pyromaniacs.

If there was one thing he was certain of, it was that Sebastian was doing everything he could to keep him away from Ciel. Well, he could go straight to hell. Screw him and his mancrush, he was Ciel's best friend – despite what Ciel and Alois said to the contrary – and some bipolar pretty-boy wasn't going to change that any time soon. Although, his increasing clinginess to Ciel was probably annoying Ciel more than it was Sebastian. Still, a point had to be made! Sebastian could glower all he wanted, which he certainly was, but he wasn't going to change anything.

Hurt had quickly made way for anger when Soma had learnt that Sebastian was the cause for Agni being so out of sorts lately. Sebastian being an ass to him was one thing, but he was meant to be Agni's friend. Best friend, if Agni's fond words over the past few years were any indication. That was another thing entirely.

Sebastian didn't scare him, that much anyway, and he wouldn't chase him away.

“They... got along just fine, if I remember. I wonder if something has happened,” Snake mumbled to his companion, watching the exchange of glares between Sebastian and Soma in puzzlement. Drocell followed his gaze.

“Odd.”

It was the way he said the single word that threw Snake off.

“...Drocell?”

He was looking unusually thoughtful. Drocell thought non-stop, but he rarely showed it. He blinked slowly, dragging his eyes from Sebastian.

“I can't help wondering... the longer stays in The Room, Peter's death, Joker's arm... Yes, they harmed us before, but there was at least a degree of subtlety, but now...” It was more like Drocell was talking to himself than to Snake, but Snake listened ardently, a knot forming in his stomach, “We knew something was changing... but when did it start?”

Snake was being addressed now, and his brow furrowed.

“The changes?”

“Hm.”

“I... I'm not sure.” That was the truth. Snake did his best to block everything but them out of his mind. It was the easiest way to sleep at night.

Drocell's eyes crawled back to Sebastian, “...I reason that it began shortly after that man started working here.”

۞

“Oh, here.” Sebastian sat up in the chair, grabbing the post-it note from his back pocket and handing it to Ciel. Ciel rolled onto his side, plucking the note from Sebastian's fingers. He quickly scanned it, rolled his eye exasperatedly, and put it on the bedside cabinet.

Ever since Finny had learnt of Sebastian's friendship, if that was the right word, with Ciel, he'd adopted Sebastian as messenger boy and constantly gave him sweets and notes to pass over to the boy. Before, he'd have just said no, but since no-one was going to see now, Sebastian saw no harm in it. Besides, whatever Finny was writing on the notes sometimes elicited the most curious expressions from Ciel that he probably wouldn't have seen otherwise. He was sorely tempted to read the notes himself.

A few days after Ciel had been sick, he'd learnt of Sebastian having been in his room. Sebastian had expected him to blow a fuse, yes, but he'd hardly thought he'd be quite that angry. Throwing a few choice words Sebastian's way, Ciel had disappeared into his room and not re-emerged for a good three days. Then, apparently over whatever little hissy-fit he was throwing, he invited Sebastian inside. Of course, the door had to be left open, but Sebastian didn't fail to see the significance of Ciel's invitation. Sure, people like Alois and Soma burst in whenever they wanted to despite the less-than-welcoming reception they received, but Sebastian had been invited. Was some of the trust he'd invested in the boy being returned, at least a little?

Sometimes they played a variety of the games Ciel had at hand. Sometimes they just talked.

Today, Ciel was in one of his rare talkative moods.

“Tell me about yourself,” Ciel more commanded than requested, looking very at ease lounged on his bed.

Sebastian blinked up from the book he'd been reading, found amongst the mess on the floor. One of these days someone was going to have to tidy up. He doubted very much it would be the owner of the mass of crap.

Shaking his head with a smirk, Sebastian replied, “You wouldn't find my story very interesting.”

Ciel tossed him a scathing look.

“You think I waste time on people I'm not interested in?”

Well. He hadn't expected that. Coming from Ciel Phantomhive, that was quite the incredible compliment. Succeeding in keeping the smugness from his face, Sebastian relented.

“Alright. I was born in Los Angeles. I've never known my Father, never particularly wanted to, and I get along well with my Mother. We were neither rich nor poor, moved around a lot for her work, and we eventually settled down in New York where I got a good education. Once I left college, I started moving around a lot on my own to wherever a job I wanted was. Now I'm here. Like I said, nothing terribly exciting there.”

Ciel nodded, chewing on the nail of his thumb, a habit of his that made Sebastian wince.

“Hmm. So, where during the 'good education' did you meet Agni?”

Sebastian frowned. Seeing that, Ciel continued, “You used to mention him quite often. Lately it's like the name is taboo. What, have the two of you had a little lover's spat?”

Uncomfortable with where the conversation had turned to, Sebastian decided a topic change was in order.

“We're... having a misunderstanding. Nothing serious. So, what about you? What's your story?”

Sebastian didn't miss the way Ciel tensed, biting down on his thumb hard enough to draw blood, before he answered, “What was the misunderstanding?”

Annoyance surged up at the blatant dismissal of his question.

“Nothing of significance,” Sebastian bit out, the sharp tone making it clear more questions weren't welcome.

“Significant enough to stop the two of you talking though.” Ciel, unsurprisingly, chose to ignore the warning tone.

“Clearly. Are you going to answer my question?”

Ciel rolled his eye mockingly, “Contrary to popular belief, I'm quite the boring topic. Ask another question, maybe I'll answer it.”

It was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“Another question? Alright. Fine. How about you tell me about The Fire?”

The colour drained from Ciel's face at an almost comical rate, and Sebastian cursed his irritation getting the better of him. He just couldn't help it though. Never before had he invested as much in a person as he had those past few months with Ciel, and he was getting tired of the take, take, take. He never answered questions, and on the so rare they were non-existent occasions he did, it was in bloody riddles and hints. He'd let him out of the ward for Christ's sake! And with his albeit limited knowledge of what St. Victoria's was like, he doubted getting fired was the worst punishment for insubordination. He'd taken a risk in the boy; would it kill him to return a shred of the trust Sebastian had given?

“You've... read my file.”

It wasn't a question, and unsure what to say, Sebastian stayed silent.

A wicked smirk fell over Ciel's face, “I wasn't aware Orderlies had those rights.”

Sebastian knew he'd crossed a line, but damn it all if he was going to back down.

“Surely nothing about this place surprises you anymore? I've answered your question. In fact, I've answered every single question you've ever put to me. Isn't it about time you answered one or two?” Sebastian challenged.

The smirk flickered, more plastic than anything else, and Ciel was just looking right through him now.

“Leave.”

۞

If you had walked down the twelfth hallway on the third floor of St. Victoria's Staff Dormitory on Saturday 25 th December 2010, you'd have seen a man with a face of thunder. His annoyance with the world was positively palpable, complete frustration in every step he took. You'd have done well to turn heel and run, because that man was not one whose path you wanted to cross that day.

Sebastian stormed down the hall. First Agni, now Ciel, who the hell else could he completely piss off? Well, he still didn't think the whole Agni thing was his fault. It was Agni who was refusing to even look in Sebastian's direction, just because Sebastian actually gave a damn about what happened to him, and not many people could claim that.

Ciel, though... well, that may have been his fault, a little. Still, he did have a point. Sure, he probably shouldn't have let slip he'd read the brat's file. Probably shouldn't have asked about something he'd read in it. Especially when it was obviously a sensitive topic – what the hell wasn't with the brat though – but even so, he did have a point. He was damn tired of knowing nothing about Ciel yet being expected to go along with whatever he said, and-

Sebastian paused mid-step. His head was swimming, and he stumbled over to the wall for support before he fell to the ground. His throat closed up and he couldn't breathe, panic swelling in his chest. No-one was around to help, he couldn't breathe let alone call for help, and-

then it stopped. Air flooded his lungs, his head cleared and his feet were once more steady.

The abrupt sickness was gone, but unease remained, twisting his stomach into knots. On edge, Sebastian pushed off from the wall and continued back to his room.

۞

Steady hands cracking it open in a skilful way rarely seen in that kitchen, the egg dropped into the pan without a single scrap of shell. The yolk sizzled, breaking the silence in the room, and soon enough several strips of bacon joined the fray.

Ah, perfection. Not a single smell of burning, either.

“Yo, Sebastian!” Bard strode through the kitchen doors, grinning widely, ever-present cigarette hanging unlit from his teeth. His chef's apron was already stained an ashy black.

“Smoking in bed again, I see,” Sebastian observed, filling the kettle.

Bard's grin turned sheepish.

“Heh... well, y'know, these uniforms, bloody flammable....”

“Coffee?” Sebastian asked as the water boiled, moving around Bard fluidly while the blond began his own breakfast.

He paused as he went to sit down at the table, that same uneasiness from the previous night coiling around him again. That sickness hadn't returned, and he'd felt right as rain that morning, but something didn't feel right. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

“You won't believe this. Ash came to see me again yesterday. He's signed me up for some fire safety course! Utterly ridiculous. I know how to use fire safely,” Bard ranted, divvying up the food between two plates.

Sebastian frowned.

“Why are you only setting two plates?” he asked, and Bard paused mid-rant to give him a confused look. Before Bard could reply, Meirin stumbled into the kitchen, and Bard handed her one of the plates, sitting down himself with the other. Sebastian glanced over at the doorway for the missing player, but no-one else came through the door.

“Where's Finny?” Sebastian asked Meirin. After her usual fluster that Sebastian was actually talking to her had passed, she scrunched her nose and gave a breathy laugh.

“What do you mean? Who's Finny?”

Sebastian looked over to Bard, expecting to see a bemused expression to match his own, but his face was a mirror of Meirin's.

“Alright. What's the punchline?” Sebastian sighed, half-expecting Finny to jump out from behind the door, to laugh with the others at the joke. No-one jumped from behind the door, though, and there was no amusement in either of the faces looking at him. Only growing concern.

“What're you talking about, man? You feeling okay?” Bard asked with a worried frown.

The unease that had coiled around Sebastian tightened. There was no joke here. God knows none of them could lie to save their lives. They... genuinely didn't know who Finny was.

۞

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

۞

Chapter Ten

۞

“Man, this place has really gone to the dogs since last time, huh?” Freckles commented, scrunching up her nose as she glanced around the garden. Ciel nodded absently, eye roving the unkempt lawn. She was entirely right. As far as he remembered, the gardens were always surprisingly nice, considering where they were. Sure, a little messy, but still tasteful. Now leaves coated the ground like a carpet, the bushes were haggard and in desperate need of a trim, the branches of the trees starting to become gnarled.

Even the bench the two sat on was dirt-encrusted.

“They should get a gardener or somethin'.”

Ciel just nodded absently again, barely listening to what she was saying, so Freckles stood up with a sigh and ran over to join Dagger and Jumbo.

Ciel frowned as she left, the pounding at his temples making its presence known once again. With a hiss, he pinched the bridge of his nose and bade the headache away. For the past two days, his head had been splitting, no matter how much he tried to sleep it off.

Stupid Sebastian.

The headache was, of course, Sebastian's fault. In fact, anything that happened that Ciel didn't like lately was Sebastian's fault.

Stupid Sebastian and his stupid sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

How the hell had he even gotten his hands on his file, anyway? For fucks sake, Claude, get a lock for your drawer.

Ciel tossed his legs up onto the bench, laying down for a bit of cloud-watching.

He didn't know what exactly was in the file. It wasn't as though he had ever had the opportunity to read it. Somehow he doubted he'd want to if the chance presented itself. Still, Sebastian had known about The Fire... If he knew about The Fire, what else could he know about?

Them? What they'd done, or worse, what he'd done?

The thought chilled him. More than he'd imagined it would. It went without saying that he didn't want anyone knowing what he'd done, but why did the prospect of Sebastian knowing twist his stomach into knots so much?

Seriously? Playing blind can only go so far. You know perfectly well why-

Ciel bolted upright on the bench with a snarl, banishing the little voice from his head.

۞

He'd long since surpassed confusion and was well into the realm of completely fucking baffled.

With a well-practised ease, Sebastian smoothed the frown from his face, the usual slight smirk taking its place.

Either every single person in St. Victoria's was a master liar or not a single person knew who Finnian was. It had been a long morning of cornering staff, both those he knew and those who didn't even register in his mind, and trying to wheedle any slight hint of foul play from them. So far, he'd received nothing but blank faces and concern for his well-being.

He doubted they were all lying. Even if they were masterful in the craft, enough so to catch him out by some miracle, there was the question of why Finny? After all, the boy was nothing but a minor character in the grand scale of things. The none-too-bright gardener was hardly an important player. So why would he be targeted by whatever was going on?

Better yet, why was Sebastian the sole exception?

It had been just over a week since his fight with Ciel, and Finny's disappearance. Although Ciel had made in perfectly clear in that time that he had no intentions of reconciliation, Sebastian threw caution to the wind and made his way over to the boy's room.

Ciel was the expert of St. Victoria's, its veteran patient. If anyone could shine some light on the situation, it would be him. If he hadn't been affected, that is.

“What the... Get out!” Ciel snapped as Sebastian strode into his bedroom, ignoring protocol and closing the door behind him. He ignored the boy's indignant spluttering, walking up to the desk where Ciel was sat, looking him dead in the eye.

“Finny.”

One word was all it took for Sebastian to know that whatever was going on had happened to Ciel too. There was no recognition in his eye at the name of his friend, just a flicker of confusion amidst the annoyance Sebastian's presence caused.

“What?” It was quite astounding how much irritation Ciel could inject into the one short word.

Ignoring him, Sebastian ran a hand through his hair, dropping onto the edge of his bed. The sheer amount of exasperation and anger was like a ton of bricks falling on him, and he needed a moment to clear his head.

This was getting ridiculous. People didn't just vanish off the face of the planet! A person couldn't just be erased like that! Sebastian had found no-one like himself who remembered the blond, found no trace of him within St. Victoria's. Yet he remembered, remembered only a week earlier when he'd sat and had breakfast with him, talked to him, endured his bubbliness with far more patience than he usually would have. He clung to that memory as he raised his head to return Ciel's impatient look, and tried again, “Finny.”

“Why do you keep making that noise?”

No. There was nothing. No spark of recognition, just more confusion than before.

“It's a name, Ciel. Your friend's name,” Sebastian stated, watching his face intently for any sign of... of anything. The only thing he saw was Ciel's increasing discomfort under such blatant scrutiny.

“What the hell are you talking about? I don't know anyone called that... Has Grell slipped you something?” Ciel leaned forward in his chair, returning the assessment with mild amusement.

Sebastian almost shuddered at the idea. Honestly, if he hadn't have taken a leaf from Will's book and started booby-trapping his room after the unfortunate pants incident, he wouldn't have put it past the deranged redhead to do just that.

“Look, this is going to sound weird – it is weird – but just listen, alright? You're mad at me, I get that, and if you really want to then we'll talk about it later-”

“There's nothing to talk about. You had no right-”

“Listen. Up until a week ago, there was a man – Finny, Finnian, whatever – working here. He was the gardener. The two of you got along, it wouldn't be completely wrong to say you were friends. But a week ago, he... he disappeared. Not just disappeared, but it... it's like... it's like he was never here at all. It looks like I'm the only one who remembers him.”

He was going to say more, but stopped as he gauged Ciel's reaction. He'd expected the boy to laugh in his face, make some sarcastic comment, something along those lines. He did none of that. Rather than mirth on his face, there was pity.

Before Sebastian could continue, Ciel shook his head, “There's no 'Finny', Sebastian.”

“...Yes. There is.”

“No. It's only to be expected. This place, it does things to your head. Believe me, I know. Quite a weird little fantasy you're cooking up, I have to say, but it's just that; a fantasy.” Ciel's words were laced with the same pity that lay in his eye, the traces of anger from before draining away as he looked at Sebastian like there was something wrong with him.

Alright, he hadn't expected Ciel to just agree with him straight away, but what the hell was this? The brat was talking to him like he was the mental patient!

“Environment effects mind. It's a proven fact. I'm actually surprised it took this long for the place to start taking its toll. Take the day off, get some sleep, rethink this Finny thing tomorrow when your mind is more rested.”

It was unbearable, the sympathetic and downright patronizing tone used to spoon-feed him advice. He didn't want rest, he didn't need rest. This wasn't some side-effect of being in the Institution too long – or was it?

[cuteconsortboys]

Consort Itachi x Empress Reader - Family is formed both by blood and by choice

Word count: 10.5k

THIS IS SET IN A MATRIARCHY WORLD

Summary: On the day Sasuke was born, Itachi promised to always be his protector. When he was young, it was easy, cuddles after nightmare, kisses on his grazes, help with his reading... but his parents are trying to arrange Sasuke’s marriage and protecting Sasuke is suddenly a whole lot harder. Itachi needs his wife on side for this.  Empress!Fem!Reader x consort Itachi (minor Sasuke x reader, Shino x reader, Neji x reader)

This is based on @dommyqueenwrites​ ’s idea about Itachi trying to get his brother into the royal harem with him to avoid Sasuke’s marriage to someone horrible. Thank you for letting me use the prompt!!! 

Warnings: Discussions of domestic abuse, mentions of sex, mentions of alcohol, panic attacks, character is locked in a room against their will, unhealthy parent child relationships. 

The echo of Itachi’s footsteps against the stone floor felt both far too loud in the empty corridors and far too quiet against the pounding of his heart.

He knew he was walking too fast; he was only half an extra step away from running really. If his mother could see him now, running through the halls of the Empress’s palace, hair dishevelled, outfit askew, make up being slowly eroded by sweat, well, she’d likely succumb to a heart attack.

Itachi himself wasn’t far off that either. If you’d told him yesterday that he’d be doing such a thing, Itachi would have been horrified and denied any such claims. This sort of uncivilised and childish behaviour reflected poorly on his wife, and as a husband, that was the last thing he should be doing.

But he couldn’t help himself. He needed to find you now.

Distracted by the constant bombardment of thoughts and anxiety, Itachi failed to hear the second set of footsteps coming from around the corner until it was too late.

Itachi slammed head on with a servant that was rounding the corner, knocking both of them backwards but thankfully not to the floor. He felt all the air leave his lungs at the impact, but the shame hit him harder.

“Wha-! Prince consort?! Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m so sorry,” Itachi said breathlessly, already backing away. He didn’t have time for this. “I’m really sorry but I have to go.”

As much as it pained him to do it, Itachi turned from the servant and continued his search, his pace slightly reduced by the throbbing pain in his chest from the collision.

“Prince consort!” the servant called from behind. “Your hair piece!”

Itachi didn’t hear him over the thoughts knocking around in his head. He couldn’t stop repeating the lines he’d been forced to memorise in his childhood over and over again.

“A good husband’s hair should always be presentable and only worn down in the presence of family or his wife.”

Itachi didn’t want to imagine the state of his hair, but he knew that at least half of the strands had fallen out of place.

“A good husband should not sweat in front of others. If he is hot, he should move more slowly or relocate to the shade.”

Itachi could feel the loose strands sticking to his face.

“A good husband is modest and wears his clothes correctly at all times.”

Itachi was holding up the hem of his kimono to make running easier, and he knew that a sizeable part of his lower legs were on display for anyone who happened to see.

Shame burned like a sun inside Itachi’s chest, crawling its way up his throat until he felt like being sick.

He was being a bad husband.

Bad husband. Bad husband. Bad husband.

No. He pushed those thoughts down to deal with later. He couldn’t let himself get caught up in that now. He had to find his wife. He didn’t know what else to do after what had happened earlier at his parents’ estate.

…

“Itachi!” his mother called out as he entered the tearoom escorted by his father. “You’re here! It’s been so long since you came to visit, I thought you’d forgotten about us.”

She stood up and hugged him to her chest while his father sat down at the table she had just vacated.

“I could never mother,” Itachi denied lightly. “I have been busy at the palace recently, but I am glad to finally get the chance to return home, even if only for a brief time.”

“Oh, just look at you,” she sighed happily, cupping his face in her hands gently enough to avoid smudging his light make up. “My beautiful boy, you look stunning. Oh? And what’s this?”

She used the grip she had on his face to tilt his head to the side so that she could see the hair ornament he was currently wearing. It was a hair pin with the design of a dove made solely out of jewels and pearls, with emerald eyes as its centrepiece. It was Itachi’s favourite and he’d yet to see a hair pin so beautiful.

“It was a gift from my wife, mother.” Itachi answered, a little smile creeping up onto his face automatically. “Isn’t it lovely?”

“Lovely? It’s looks positively ethereal! Are they real emeralds?”

“Yes, mother.”

“Oh, I just knew the Empress would favour you the most! How could anyone resist? Does she give her other consorts gifts as expensive as this?”

Itachi hesitated. He didn’t like to brag about such things, but he knew what his mother wanted to hear and he was eager for this visit to go as smoothly as possible.

“No, mother. None as expensive as this.”

“That’s good to hear. You need to remain her favourite for as long as possible, you understand? Have you been using the anti-aging creams I’ve been sending you?”

“Of course, mother.”

“Good. I’m proud of you, Itachi,” she grinned at him for a moment before her face dropped. “I just wish I could say the same about your brother.”

Suddenly, the room was filled with tension. Had Itachi been any less proficient at hiding his emotions he would have sighed. He knew that this visit had been going suspiciously well.

“Where is Sasuke?” Itachi asked, trying to cut through the tension. “I’d like to see him before I leave because it is the Empress’s birthday next month and I will be very busy with the preparations.”

If anything, the tension only increased as his father and mother made eye contact with each other, an unspoken conversation clearly passing between them. Itachi felt the beginning of some nerves crawling under his skin. His parents had never been the kindest to Sasuke who they seemed to think was too brash, too outspoken, and too focused on ‘women’s skills’ like martial art training, but the hostility Itachi could sense here was still abnormal.

“Mother, father, where is Sasuke?” Itachi asked again.

“Sasuke is being confined to his room for the time being as punishment for causing a scene at an important dinner the other day,” his father eventually answered, avoiding Itachi’s eyes.

The words were innocent enough. Sasuke often acted out in front of others, and being confined to his room seemed, at the very least, not a cruel punishment. Sasuke would likely complain about being unable to train but that would be the worst of it.

So why didn’t Itachi find his father’s answer comforting at all?

There was just something… off about the whole situation.

“Then, would it be okay for me to see him in his room before I leave?”

His mother and father made significant eye contact with each other again, until eventually his mother nodded.

“Only for a short while, he’s still being punished, but it might do him some good to be reminded of what a good man and husband is supposed to be.”

Although unnecessary, because Itachi had grown up in this house, his mother led him upstairs to Sasuke’s room. It quickly became clear why when she pulled a key on a chain out from under her shirt and used it to unlock the door.

The door was being locked. Red flag number one.

“I thought I told you to leave me the fuck alone.”

Sasuke’s voice came from behind the door before it was even opened, but his aggression and vulgar language quickly triggered anger in his mother, who, without missing a beat, slammed the door open and marched in.

“I’ve told you before, you little brat, if you use language like that again, there will be no dinner for you!”

“Fuck if I care.”

Itachi walked into the surprisingly dim room, feeling nervous from all the conflict and saw that Sasuke was laying completely still in bed, a blanket over his head. Red flag number two.

Looking around a little more, Itachi noticed that there were large scratch mark all around the window as though someone had been using something sharp to get the window open. Red flag number three.

Said window was bordered shut, hence why the room was so dim. Red flag number four.

And to top it all off, along the edge of the room there were piles of broken furniture, ripped books and smashed porcelain, like someone had destroyed the whole room in a fit of anger. If Itachi squinted, he could see what looked like some bloodstains here and there as well. Red flag number five.

By this point, Itachi’s mother was in the middle of a tirade like he’d never seen, but Itachi knew that something wasn’t right, and he needed a chance to speak to Sasuke alone.

“Mother,” Itachi interrupted, careful to keep his voice gentle and delicate so she wouldn’t turn on him for interrupting her. “Would you be able to bring Sasuke and I some tea? I haven’t much time left before I need to leave.”

She blinked at him for a moment and Itachi held his breath to see how she would respond. To his relief she smiled and walked away from Sasuke’s bed.

“Of course, dear,” she agreed, putting a soft hand on his cheek. “You’re a busy man, of course, I understand. The work you do for our family is invaluable, so the least I can do is get you some tea. Oh… but I’m afraid there isn’t anywhere to sit because Sasuke decided to throw a tantrum and ruin his own bedroom, but I’ll bring a chair up too.”

“Thank you, mother, that’s very kind of you.”

“Of course. I’ll be back in a moment.”

The second the door shut behind her, Sasuke ripped the covers off of his head, shot out of bed and grabbed Itachi by the arms before he could react. Sasuke looked thin and haggard. He was dressed in pyjamas and his hair had clearly gone unbrushed for days. But the worst part about his appearance was his eyes. They looked manic, desperate even, something Itachi never wanted to see in his baby brother.

“Saskue, what’s happening? What’s going on?” Itachi implored Sasuke to answer him, gripping his arms back. His words were hushed and rushed to keep them from being overheard by his mother returning or one of the servants.

“Brother, you’re here,” Sasuke breathed out like he couldn’t believe that Itachi was standing in front of him.

“Sasuke, we don’t have much time, you have to tell me what’s going on,” Itachi tried to keep his voice firm but the sense of dread that had been hanging over him since entering the house was just getting stronger and stronger.

“They-“ Sasuke’s lip wobbled a little and he cut himself off. This wasn’t typical behaviour for him at all. Itachi couldn’t help but pull Sasuke into his arms, uncaring whether his expensive clothes were being ruined by Sasuke’s unclean pyjamas.

“Shh, what happened, Sasuke, please tell me.”

“They’re going to marry me off!” Sasuke blurted out into Itachi’s shoulder before he pulled away, angrily wiping at his watery eyes. Those were angry tears, Itachi had seen Sasuke cry them thousands of times in his life and recognised them instantly.

Itachi supressed a frustrated sigh. Of course, his parents wouldn’t be content with his marriage, even if it was to the Empress. No, of course they’d try to arrange Sasuke’s as well, just to try and get a little bit more power and a little bit more money. It was always power and money with them. Nothing would ever be enough.

“To whom?” Itachi hesitantly asked. Because that was the question, wasn’t it? The answer had the power to turn this from a bad situation to the worst situation in an instant. Was Sasuke upset about being married? Or was he upset about who he was being married to?

A second cursory glance at the broken furniture around his room didn’t make Itachi feel optimistic about Sasuke’s answer. Names and faces flew in and out of his mind as he tried to figure out who his parents had chosen, but Sasuke killed all those thoughts dead when he said the name.

“Himari Yamagawa.”

Itachi took in a sharp breath. No. They couldn’t have.

Himari Yamagawa. Itachi knew her. Or, well, he perhaps it’d be more accurate to say that he knew of her, because they only really spoken once at an event at the palace last year. And even that was a bit of a stretch because she’d never actually addressed him directly, always speaking about him to his wife, even though he was standing right next to her.

When you had brought that up, he remembered her making a crude joke about how mens’ mouths were only good for one thing.

But her ‘charming’ personality was only the surface of the problem. There were much darker parts to her personality that were bubbling underneath the surface.

She had a reputation for collecting husbands with ‘attitude problems’. Itachi remembered his wife telling him that she had been bragging that she’d never had a wedding where the other party wasn’t handcuffed and blindfolded. She was known for ‘training’ her husbands out of their bad behaviour with some horrific methods. Itachi had overheard some of his servants talking about some of those methods before, and it had put him off his dinner that night.

Of course, his wife, upon hearing about the evil woman, had introduced a new set of laws about marital abuse, but unfortunately, Himari was rich enough that she had simply moved just across the border to escape.

She wasn’t exactly a fan of the Empress, but she didn’t cause any direct problems, seemingly content with loopholes and bribes that allowed her to do as she pleased. But, while she wasn’t especially dangerous to the imperial family, she was deadly to any man unfortunate enough to end up married to her.

And apparently Sasuke was the one she currently had her beady eyes on. Itachi wasn’t surprised now that he thought about it. Sasuke had two things that made him perfect for her: he was cheap due to the fact that he’d already had five marriage offers fall through, and he was rebellious and stubborn, the exact type of man she loved to ‘break’.

His parents weren’t going to give up on this easily, but as Itachi stared into Sasuke’s desperate gaze, he knew he had to do whatever he could to get his brother out of this situation, one way or another. Itachi felt a level of fury that he’d never felt before burning beneath his skin.

How dare they.

“You have to help me escape,” Sasuke said, grabbing Itachi by the shoulders, eyes wide. “I’ve been trying but they’ve bordered up the window and locked the door. You have to help me. You said you loved me, that you’d do anything to help me. This is what I need. Help me now and I’ll never ask for anything again. Please! Big brother, please.”

“Sasuke-“

“That bitch is sending guards on Wednesday to watch me 24/7 until the wedding and I think mother has been slipping something into my food to make me tired and weak. Brother, please.”

“Sasuke,” Itachi felt tears pooling in his eyes. This was like a nightmare. “I’ll try-“

Footsteps started approaching the door. They had run out of time.

“I’ll do something, okay, I’ll talk to my wife, we’ll do something!” Itachi whispered urgently.

“Brother, please don’t leave me here,” Sasuke begged, bottom lip wobbling again.

The door opened and their mother walked in carrying a chair in one arm and a tray with a tea pot and some cups balanced on the other. She stopped abruptly when she saw the way Sasuke was grabbing Itachi.

“You better not be harassing your brother, Sasuke,” she growled.

Sasuke just glared at her before collapsing back into bed and covering himself with his blanket the same way he’d been before.

The next hour was tense. Itachi was distracted and stressed behind his calm mask. He stayed only as long as politeness dictated, making some awkward small talk with his mother while Sasuke refused to speak a single word.

…

After that disastrous visit, Itachi felt like he had a good reason to be ruffled, despite the shame he was feeling at his lack of control. And now that he had checked your office, the main hall, the gardens, the music room and all the drawing rooms without success, his stress was only continuing to mount.

He’d been running around for so long by now, it was late enough that you might have already retired to you room. Itachi just hoped that you hadn’t gone to spend the night in any of the other consort’s rooms. This couldn’t wait until morning.

The door to your room came into view and Itachi, seeing no one else in the corridor, abandoned the final dregs of his composure and ran the last few metres, his feet slapping against the marble floors.

Please be in there, please be in there, Itachi begged every deity he’d ever heard of.

Itachi pushed open the doors, almost slamming his face into them in his haste.

And there you were. Thank goodness. Itachi took a deep shuddering breath of relief.

You had clearly been reading by the roaring fire before he’d burst in. You were wearing your pyjamas, with a glass of something Itachi couldn’t identify on the side table next to you. You would look relaxed if not for the way you stared at him with your mouth hanging open.

Itachi hadn’t looked at himself in a mirror since before he left to visit his parents this morning, but he knew he must look like quite a sight. But for once in his life, that wasn’t important.

“Itachi?” you sputtered, having recovered enough from the shock to finally push some words out. “What on earth-?”

Itachi knew it was wrong for him to interrupt you. It was one of the very first lessons drilled into his head as a child: when your wife is talking, you stay quiet and listen. But this time he didn’t. Instead, Itachi threw himself at your feet, bowed so low the loose pieces of hair that had fallen out while he ran rested almost entirely on the floor. With a desperate hand, he gripped tightly onto the fabric of your dressing gown.

He could feel the heat from the fire licking uncomfortably at his back, but he didn’t flinch at the discomfort; he was too focused. Or, as focused as he could be with such a fuzzy head.

Itachi had had all that time while he was travelling back from his parents’ and running around the castle trying to find you to get his thoughts in order and figure out what he was going to say, but now he was here, the words were stuck. The only thing escaping his mouth were the gasping breaths he couldn’t keep at bay.

He needed to talk.

He needed to help Sasuke.

His baby brother needed him to protect him, so why wouldn’t the words come out?!

The feeling of your hand on his head cut through his panic and jolted him from his thoughts.

“Please sit up, Itachi, you know you don’t have to do this sort of thing for me,” your voice was ever so soft, like you were coaxing a scared and cornered animal. Itachi noticed the way his hands were shaking and realised that he wasn’t far off. “Here, move away from the fire, I don’t want you to burn yourself, my love.”

Itachi allowed you to pull him from the floor and away from the fire. You abandoned your armchair in favour of sitting with him on the loveseat. You kept a hold of his hand the entire time, and Itachi was so grateful that you were there with him.

“Now, Itachi,” you looked at him with concerned eyes, softly rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb as you spoke. “Please tell me what’s wrong. This isn’t like you; did something happen while you were visiting your family today?”

This was it. All he had to do was tell you what had happened.

Itachi opened his mouth to do so, but to his utter mortification, a sob was the only thing to come out.

Mortified, Itachi wrenched his hand from yours and used it to cover his mouth. He couldn’t be doing this right now. He needed to be the older brother, he needed to keep it together for Sasuke. He needed to ask and bargain and plead, not cry like the useless boy his mother used to call him whenever he’d let tears escape as a child. Crying wasn’t going to solve anything.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, Itachi,” you whispered, carefully pulling the hand away from his mouth and back into yours. “Whatever happened, we can sort it out together, okay?”

With those words, Itachi’s traitorous body obviously assumed it had permission, so the floodgates burst open, more and more sobs pushing out with frightening speed. All the anxiety, the stress, the panic, the dread, the exhaustion, all of it just crashed on top of Itachi all at once and soon, tears joined the sobbing and then refused to stop.

You had barely held your arms open for more than a second when Itachi accepted your embrace with enthusiasm that might have embarrassed him on any other day, and he was soon breaking down loudly on your shoulder.

…

You pressed Itachi’s face firmly into your shoulder, using your other hand to keep a solid grasp around his waist, hoping that the strong embrace would do something to calm him down. You were more than a little alarmed by his behaviour, and while you knew better than to bombard Itachi with questions while he was so upset, it didn’t stop you from theorising while you comforted him.

You had spent the night together yesterday and there had been nothing drastic amiss with him other than a few extra nerves about the visit to his parents, but Itachi was always nervous to go and see them and those nerves had never escalated into something like this.

No, you were sure that something had happened during his visit to his parents’ estate. But what? You knew full well that his relationship with his parents wasn’t the best, and you knew how much their conditional love hurt him, but it still felt like there was something more sinister going on.

And the way he had bowed at your feet earlier… he had wanted to ask you for something, no, beg you for something… but what?

Itachi suddenly let out a particularly loud sob that made your ear ring painfully and abruptly brought you back to reality. Those questions weren’t important right at this moment, you had something infinitely more important in your arms.

“Shh, it’s alright, I’ve got you,” you murmured. You shushed Itachi periodically, whispering nonsense comforting words into his ears, reassuring him that you were there for him. There wasn’t much else you could do to help soothe him without knowing what the problem was.

You smoothed down the flyaway strands of hair on his head absentmindedly. You’d seen him this morning with his hair styled with elaborate plaits and pins, eager to appear as put together as possible for his parents to prove to them that he was still as perfect as they’d always demanded he be.

But when he’d burst in a few minutes ago, falling through the heavy oak doors like he’d run into them headfirst, his hair had looked very different. Loose strands were everywhere, and not in an artful, purposeful way that you’d seen him do before, but chaotically, frizzy, with random pieces stuck to his face with sweat. The elaborate and frightfully expensive hair pin he’d used was nowhere to be seen.

His hair did give you an idea about how to calm him down though. Itachi loved when you played with his hair. You still remembered his face while you brushed his hair for him for the first time, shortly after you were married. He had basically melted into the bed, letting his guard down around you properly for the first time. You had half expected him to start purring.

But now, that weakness was a weapon in your comforting arsenal.

Gently and methodically, while Itachi continued to cry onto your shoulder in a way that was sure to leave a sizeable wet patch, you started undoing the plaits that were still intact.

You eased off the hair bands, gently unravelled the hair, and then ran your fingers through his newly wavy strands, pausing every couple of beats to massage his scalp to drive away any soreness cause by the hair style.

You took your time, repeating the sequence again and again for each plait, Itachi’s cries slowly but steadily quieting as you went, until there were no more plaits remaining and you were left lightly scratching at his scalp.

The room was a lot quieter now. The crackling of the fire and Itachi’s uneven, but much improved, breathing were the only things you could hear. You let out a relieved sigh and pressed a kiss to Itachi’s forehead.

“There,” you said cautiously, hoping that your next words wouldn’t upset him again. You just couldn’t let the cause of the breakdown pass unacknowledged anymore. If someone had hurt him, you needed to know. “Can you please tell me what happened, Itachi? No matter what or who it was that upset you, you know I’ll support and help you in any way I can, I promise.”

Itachi, thankfully, was receptive to your words and pulled his face away from your shoulder. However, he still didn’t look at you in the eye, hanging his head firmly down towards his lap, the curtain of newly released black hair hiding his face from your view. You tried to lift his face with you fingers, but he resisted and turned away from your touch. Maybe he wasn’t as ready to speak as you’d though.

“Itachi-“

“It’s messy,” he whispered in response to your unasked question.

Oh.

Oh. He was embarrassed by the mess left after his crying.

You opened a drawer in the end table by the love seat and pulled out a handkerchief before silently handing it to him. You wished he would trust you, trust your love, enough to let you help him clean up, or even just let you see him like this, but you understood that his childhood conditioning to always look perfect and pretty for his wife was hard to overcome.

It felt like everything was on pause as you watched Itachi delicately wipe at his face.

After about a minute and a half, Itachi clearly deemed himself presentable enough because he finally looked at you, soiled handkerchief gripped in his clenched fist.

His face really pulled at your heart strings. His eyes were puffy and red, his makeup was smudged more than you’d ever seen, leaving black streaks around his eyes, and red lipstick on his chin, and his nose was as red as his eyes from all the rubbing.

You said nothing, allowing him to collect himself a little without your interruption.

“It’s my brother,” Itachi whispered, eyes closing as though he were in pain.

His brother? Oh dear. You’d gathered very quickly into your relationship that Itachi had a weak spot the size of your entire empire in his brother.

“Sasuke?” you prompted gently, earning a nod and a hum from Itachi.

“I found out today that my parents have arranged for him to be married against his wishes. To Himari Yamagawa.”

Your face automatically twisted into a sneer before you could stop it. That slippery snake was becoming a rather persistent thorn in your side. She wasn’t a venomous snake, she never struck out at you with her fangs, no, she was a cowardly snake who slipped between any and every attempt you made to control her.

“That evil bitch.”

Itachi hummed in agreement. He was staring listlessly into the fire now. His face looked drained, like he’d used up all the emotions he had and was now too exhausted to show any more.

“My parents are desperate to get rid of Sasuke. They have been for a while, but since he turned eighteen two years ago, their desperation has only increased. But Sasuke has scared away five suitors now, and new ones are no longer coming now that word has spread,” Itachi’s voice was detached but you knew how much this hurt him to see his younger brother treated in such a way. “So, they’ve decided to marry him to someone who won’t be scared away by his behaviour.”

“I see.”

With that, Itachi took a deep breath and slid off of the loveseat until he was kneeling at your feet in the same way he had when he’d entered your bedroom.

“My wife, Empress, please. Please help me save my brother. I know he can be difficult, but he’s my little brother and I-“ silent tears started to run down your husband’s face once more. “I will do anything. Please, I beg of you.”

You couldn’t stand to watch him be so defeated and desperate.

“Itachi, my dearest husband, my prince consort, please stand.”

He immediately did as you asked. His lips were quivering, but he kept them pressed firmly together. He was determined to make sure he didn’t break down again.

“You never have to beg me for anything,” you promised firmly. “You need only ask, and I will do my best to deliver, first I want you to understand that.

“Next, I will say this: My happiness is your happiness. So, if Sasuke’s happiness is your happiness, then my happiness is also Sasuke’s happiness. I will get him out of there, I promise.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so much,” Itachi’s voice was shaking, and you could tell it was only your order that he stand that was stopping him from embracing you once more. You opened your arms to make sure he knew he was welcome.

He took the offer straight away.

“Now, tell me everything. We need to make a plan.”

…

It had taken three hours holed up in your small, private study for you and Itachi to come up with a detailed plan to get Sasuke out of his situation. You were relying on the fact that Himari had given Sasuke a seemingly arbitrary date on which she would be placing her own bodyguards on Sasuke, something which suggested that the engagement contract would also be coming into effect on that day. Otherwise, why wouldn’t she have bodyguards on him already if she knew he was a flight risk?

No, you trusted your intuition here, which had meant that you and Itachi only had four days to execute your plan to bring Sasuke into the palace as part of your harem.

Itachi had been the first one to suggest that solution and despite a couple of other solutions being considered, that one was the most likely to succeed. No family hoping to retain a powerful standing among the nobles would turn down an invitation for their son to join the Empress’s personal harem, whether they wanted to or not.

Not that the Uchiha had been against it though. When you had proposed the engagement, Itachi and Sasuke’s parents had both been thrilled and agreed immediately. In fact, that evening, Itachi had shown you a letter his parents had slipped him during the meeting that was filled with praises about doing such a good job as head consort that the Empress had also taken an interest in his younger brother.

You had paid handsomely for the marriage to be rushed. As he was only going to be a normal consort, you had no social obligation to make the wedding a particularly big affair and so had quietly signed the papers and completed the ceremony as soon as possible.

In fact, the ceremony had only concluded about three hours ago. And in the name of efficiency, you were now about to start the traditional meeting require for him to officially join your harem.

You checked over your outfit one final time before pushing open the doors to the main drawing room in the harem. The harem was comprised of a living quarter for each member, including Itachi although he spent most nights in your bedroom as was his right as head consort, and a couple of communal living spaces and baths. It seemed fitting to introduce Sasuke to the harem in the room that you knew most of your consorts spent a good deal of time in.

This first official meeting only required the attendance of the head consort and two side consorts, as well as yourself of course, so it only took a few moments for you to let your gaze wander to each person in the room in turn.

Itachi was sitting at the front of the room next to an empty chair reserved for you. He was looking as poised and calm as always, but you had a suspicion that if he were any less in control of himself, he’d be fidgeting nervously in his chair.

A little further down, sharing one of the sofas were your two side consorts. Neji was somehow making his frustration look dignified as his bored lavender eyes landed on you as if to say ‘what took you so long?’. You hid your smile. He had likely had to be retrieved from the depths of the library where he had been holing himself up for the past two weeks in an effort to read all the books he’d never been allowed to read while growing up. Neji rarely spoke about his childhood, but you knew enough about the Hyuuga family to assume he’d likely only been allowed to read etiquette guides and traditional poetry. He likely wouldn’t be happy when you reminded him that his presence would also be required for the group dinner in Sasuke’s honour tonight.

Shino on the other hand seemed to be waiting patiently and passing the time with some embroidery. He’d taken a shine to the art form over the last year after you’d given him some insect designs that you’d commissioned an artist for, for his birthday. However, the white knuckled grip he had on the handkerchief revealed the nerves underneath his calm façade. Shino was always nervous when you added new people to the harem. Quite a few of your consorts were more solitary by nature, but Shino’s side consort status meant he had to interact with the new members more than you knew he was comfortable with sometimes.

Your general consorts would be meeting Sasuke at the dinner this evening.

You cleared your throat and suddenly three sets of eyes settled on you.

“Are you ready?” you asked, taking your seat next to Itachi and placing what you hoped was a comforting hand on his. His hand was warm in yours as you squeezed it tightly. When you received a nod from each man, you signalled towards the servant to escort Sasuke in.

The room was filled with tension. Your own nerves adding to it. Despite having married the man only hours ago, you had yet to have a chance to talk to Sasuke one on one. Your engagement had been in the company of his parents who he hardly acknowledged, your marriage was in front of multiple witnesses, and the second it was over he had been whisked away by a team of servants to prepare him to enter the harem. Goodness knows what they’d been doing to him for three hours, but any attempt to meet him had been met with an angry servant chasing you away and explaining that you didn’t understand how long it takes for a man to be his most beautiful.

And despite being the Empress, you could still absolutely be scared away by an angry servant.

What? They were scary.

“Please allow me to introduce Sasuke Uchiha,” the servant had returned, and the moment was here. “Newest consort of the sixteenth Empress of our empire.”

Sasuke strode in through the doors, head held high, steps graceful but in a different way to his brother. There was a raw power behind his grace, like he was challenging all of you to deny him something he wanted.

The servants had obviously made the most of those three hours as well. Sasuke was dressed in a striking red colour and made up in make up that accentuated his strong features that added to his dominating presence. It suited him so much more than the virginal white wedding outfit you’d seen him in this morning.

“Bow to the side consorts and greet them,” you ordered, tone firm but not unwelcoming. Sasuke did as you’d asked, methodically bowing to both Neji and Shino, only as deeply as politeness dictated, not an inch more or less.

“Greetings, consort Hyuuga, consort Aburame. I hope we can live peacefully together moving forward.”

Sasuke’s voice carried the message that he didn’t much care if that was true or not. Neji picked up on the disinterest and dismissed Sasuke with his eyes, something you could tell bothered Sasuke in return. There was animosity when they made eye contact.

You sighed. Itachi was going to have his work cut out for him to keep the peace between those two, you could already tell.

“Kneel in front of myself and head consort Itachi Uchiha,” this was your next instruction. Sasuke followed it dutifully, but you caught a very subtle rolling of his eyes as he bowed. You hid an amused grin and pretended not to notice. Itachi also noticed if the subtle glare that carried a ‘don’t mess this up’ message was any indication.

Oh yes, Sasuke was definitely going to be a handful. But hopefully he’d also be an asset to your family.

You let Sasuke kneel for a few more moments before standing from your seat and holding out a hand for him to take and rise. He took your hand after a moments hesitation and allowed you to support him to his feet.

You were momentarily surprised to feel that his hands were so rough against yours. He had the callouses of a soldier under the artificial softness of someone who’d been forced by the servants to douse his hands in moisturiser. It wasn’t a problem for you, but he would certainly have the roughest hands in harem.

“Welcome to the family,” you said genuinely. “Itachi will show you to your quarters and explain the basics about your role and duties here in the palace. After that, he will escort you to dinner where you will meet the rest of my consorts and have a chance to meet and mingle with them in an informal setting. Once dinner has concluded, some servants will escort you to my bedroom for our wedding night.”

“Understood,” Sasuke nodded. You search his face for any emotion that tip you off about how he was handling this big transition, but there was nothing but professional indifference. Oh well, you would have Itachi catch you up on everything later.

“Excellent. Itachi, I’ll pass Sasuke into your capable hands. Make sure he is comfortable and fill him in on the details for tonight that I have missed.”

“Yes, my wife,” Itachi smiled, rising from his chair and grasping Sasuke by the arm before escorting him out of the room.

Silence fell as you, Neji and Shino listened to the pair of footsteps fade.

“Can we leave now?” Neji asked, standing up abruptly. “I was in the middle of something important before I was called here.”

“Was that something perhaps in the library?” you chuckled, watching a faint blush crawl up onto Neji’s face. “Go ahead, I’ll see you later at dinner.”

Neji nodded and left, leaving you with Shino who was still sitting on the sofa, his embroidery forgotten on his lap.

“Hey,” you greeted, sitting down next to him. “Can I see what you’re working on?”

Shino fiddled nervously with the edge of the handkerchief he was embroidering, but he did slowly turn it towards you, avoiding your eye contact while he awaited your judgement.

The handkerchief was an off-white colour with a beautiful, giant stag beetle embroidered in the corner with delicate silver thread. There was also a half finished grass pattern along the bottom that he’d clearly just been working on.

“It’s beautiful, Shino,” you breathed gently, tracing the pattern with your finger. “You’re really amazing at these designs, do you know that?”

“Thank you,” Shino smiled more comfortably now that you were alone. “I have especially enjoyed making this one. Why? Because I like the design and also it is for my father for his birthday.”

“Hmm, he’s going to love it. If you need any more designs, please let me know. I can call the artist to work out some with you whenever you want.”

“Thank you,” Shino said. “I will keep that in mind.”

A comfortable silence fell over the room while Shino continued working on his embroidery while you watched. You needed to get on with your work for the day but spending time with Shino was so relaxing that it was difficult to force yourself to move.

And then Shino leant his head on your shoulder, so you couldn’t possibly justify moving, no matter how much work you had to do.

Oh well, you thought, slipping an arm around his shoulders, you could finish your work later.

…

In the end, you didn’t have the heart to tell Shino that you had work to do, especially because you’d been so caught up with getting Sasuke into the harem for the past week that you hadn’t spent any time with him.

You had only managed to cram in a couple of hours of work before it was time for you to introduce Sasuke to the rest of your harem at dinner.

He was in yet another outfit now, the third completely different look in one day, although he looked much more comfortable in this more informal dark blue kimono than he had in any of the other outfits. Although, judging by the glares he was ending at some of the servants that were milling around in the room behind the dining hall where you were waiting, Sasuke had reached his limit on being manhandled into different outfits and make up by the staff.

You stifled a laugh. He’d get used to it.

“It’s almost time,” you said, pulling Sasuke’s attention from glaring at the servants onto you. “This is just an informal dinner; you don’t have to be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous,” he said immediately, frowning at you.

You dropped the issue, having a feeling that you weren’t going to get him to admit something like that.

“Let’s just get this over with,” Sasuke grumbled, striding over to the door without you. You chuckled at his behaviour. He may have already had a little disagreement with Neji, but they really did have a lot in common. Although… you turned your gaze to Sasuke where he was audibly tapping his foot against the stone floor to show his displeasure at your slowness, Neji wasn’t quite so open about his attitude on his first day.

“You’ll be sitting at the head of the table next to me for today,” you explained, walking up to him and cutting off his impatient foot tapping. “Normally, that seat would be for Itachi, but for today, it’s yours.”

You offered up your arm for Sasuke to take as the servants got ready to open the doors for your arrival.

“You’ll have about half an hour to eat and then I’ll take you around the table and individually introduce you to the rest of the consorts in the harem. After dinner, we’ll retire together to my bedroom. Understand?”

Sasuke nodded.

“Then, let’s go.”

The faint sound of chatter ceased the moment the heavy door was pulled open by a servant. All the eyes in the room settled on you and Sasuke as you led him to the table and helped him to his chair.

Normally, tradition dictated that Sasuke would sit between you and Neji, while Itachi sat on your other side, but you figured Sasuke would feel more comfortable sitting next to his brother and with a little bit more distance between him and Neji given their budding rivalry. So, you sat at the head of the table, Sasuke on your left, with Itachi on his left, and Neji sat on your right.

“Good evening, everyone,” you said, raising your voice so that everyone could hear you. You received a smattering of returned greetings before you continued. “This dinner is in celebration of our newest family member, Sasuke Uchiha. Let’s all make sure he feels welcome. Now, let’s eat!”

The second the words left your mouth a stream of servants flooded into the room holding a seemingly endless number of silver platters filled to the brim with the most expensive and delicious food money could buy. The aroma in the room was mouth watering and you were suddenly reminded that between the wedding, the meetings and the work, you hadn’t had a chance to eat yet.

You immediately started piling up your plat with food, mentally thanking the chefs for a perfect spread, as always. You’d learnt with all your previous consorts that food was an excellent way to get them to feel more comfortable.

Speaking of your new consort, you glanced over at Sasuke to make sure he was handling things well and you were greeted with the sight of Itachi and Sasuke talking in low tones while Itachi loaded up Sasuke’s plate with an array of different dishes. Sasuke didn’t look like he appreciated Itachi treating him like a child, but Itachi had a determined glint in his eye that you knew from experience was impossible to combat. You smiled at the cute scene. Bringing Sasuke into the harem was worth it just to see Itachi play the doting older brother. Currently, there were no children in the harem, but you’d always thought that Itachi would make an excellent father and watching him interact with Sasuke proved that your hunch was absolutely correct.

As cute as it was, you turned away to give them a little privacy and instead turned right towards Neji. He was focused intensely on his food, eating it as fast as he could while maintaining his table manners. It looked like you weren’t the only one who’d been skipping meals. You made a mental note to have the servants bring Neji food while he was hidden away in the library.

You couldn’t stop your fond grin as you watched. Despite being so strait laced, Neji always inspired such a playfulness in you. On a whim, you hooked your ankle around his leg under the table.

Neji jolted, immediately raising his head with a glare in place, looking like he was about to reprimand whoever had the audacity to interrupt him while he was eating before he realised whose foot it was as you sent him a teasing grin. A light pink flush settled on his cheeks as his glare melted away.

“How’s your reading going?” you asked, rubbing his leg a little with your foot. Neji face lit up at your question and he immediately launched into a speech about a collection of scary fairy tales he’d been ready while you looked at him like the lovestruck fool you knew you were.

“The collection is organised by region and then by date, and there’s a companion book that discusses regional variances and themes across all the fairy tales. I remember a person in my family had both books, she used to be obsessed with these stories but I wasn’t…” Neji trailed off for a moment before his smile became a little more forced. “I didn’t have time in between my classes.”

You understood what he meant by that. He wasn’t allowed to read those stories.

“I’m so glad that you’re enjoying it. I’ve noticed you’ve taken quite a shine to mythology and fairy tales recently and I know you’ve been stuck on what to put on the back wall of your bedroom, so I was thinking I could send some people out searching for more books on these topics and have some large bookshelves fitted on the back wall. It would be like a little, specialist library if that’s something you’d want?”

Neji’s smile became genuine again and your chest felt warm as you watched him bashfully agree.

Your conversation was interrupted as a servant brought in a new platter of food to replace the empty plates. Ah yes, the tomato pasta you’d requested specifically for Sasuke after Itachi had informed you about Sasuke’s favourite foods. Neji’s attention had already been taken by Gaara who was sitting on his other side, so you took a spare fork and swirled it in the spaghetti until you had a good mouthful on the fork.

“Sasuke,” you said, interrupting his and Itachi’s gentle conversation. “I asked the chef to prepare this specially for you. You like tomatoes, right?”

Sasuke sent his brother a look for sharing his personal information without his permission, but he still nodded affirmatively at your question. Perfect.

“Here,” you grinned, holding the fork up to his lips. “Try some.”

Sasuke blinked at you, an incredulous look on his face like he couldn’t believe your audacity. You only smiled, holding the food steadily. Itachi subtly nudged Sasuke from the side, encouraging him to play along and eat the food you were teasingly offering him. Sasuke sent you an embarrassed glare and you weren’t sure if he was going to take the food or punch you in the throat.

But right as your confidence was wavering and you were considering lowering the fork and apologising, Sasuke gingerly took the mouthful of food, avoiding your eyes the entire time with a bright red face.

Itachi was both right and wrong about him, you realised. He definitely had an attitude that even Neji couldn’t match, and he was cute, just as Itachi had told you. But his cuteness wasn’t in spite of his attitude, it was definitely because of it.

“Do you like it?”

“…Yes,” Sasuke grumbled, playing with the food on his plate to avoid looking at you in the eyes. You made eye contact with Itachi over his head and shared a smile, he really was cute.

“I’ll ask the chefs to make it again, then,” you promised. “They use the tomatoes that we grow in the palace greenhouses, you know? If you want, we can increase the tomato crop. Shino oversees the greenhouses along with the head gardener, and it’s tradition for the consorts to have a small section of the greenhouses for themselves if they want one.”

“I have one,” Itachi chimed in. “I’ve filled mine with honeysuckle because I love the smell of them. I always keep a fresh vase of them in my room. But you don’t have to plant flowers, vegetables, fruits or herbs work too.”

“We can sort all that out later, for now, eat, because we don’t have much time before I’ll be taking you around to meet everyone.”

…

You enjoyed the food for another twenty minutes or so before it was time to make the personal introductions.

“It’s time, come on.”

Normally, you’d introduce a new consort to Itachi first, but in this particular case, you didn’t bother, instead moving to Itachi’s other side and starting with Shino.

“This is Shino Aburame,” you introduced, gesturing to the man who had turned in his seat to look at you both. Shino was dressed in a very unusual style, with extra layers underneath his kimono to cover most of his skin. Shino always dressed modestly so you weren’t surprised, but you imagined it was the first time that Sasuke would have seen that kind of dress as it had never been in style. “He is one of my side consorts, along with Neji, so if you need help with anything and you can’t find myself or Itachi, Shino will be happy to help you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Uchiha,” Shino said, his voice calm and measured. “I happened to overhear you talking about tomato plants earlier, so if you are interested in that, please let me know. Why? Because I will ask the gardener to assign you your plot.”

“Thank you,” Sasuke said, a little, surprised smile on his face. “It is nice to meet you too, Aburame.”

“Call me Shino.”

“Then, call me Sasuke.”

You smiled. Perhaps they would form an unlikely friendship.

“Please return to your dinner, Shino, Sasuke and I will move on,” you politely excused yourself and brought Sasuke to the next person down the table who was already grinning at you both. Naruto.

“Sasuke, this is-“

“Naruto Uzumaki!” Naruto interrupted you, sending Sasuke one of his famous blinding grins. “Nice to meet you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke seemed unsure how to react to such aggressive friendliness, so you did him a favour and took over the conversation.

“Naruto spent a lot of time in the palace as a child, we were actually childhood friends, because his mother and father were good friends of my mother you see, the previous empress. So, if you have any questions about the palace, directions or about past times, Naruto is the one to ask.”

Naruto laughed a little at your introduction.

“Usually, I invite all the newbies for games in the harem drawing room on the night after their dinner, but seeing as it’s your wedding night, you need to be there tomorrow, ‘kay?” Naruto’s grin turned a little more teasing over a few beats of silence. “As long as you have enough energy after tonight, of course.”

Sasuke sputtered and choked at the innuendo as you rolled your eyes at Naruto’s teasing.

“Don’t say things like that, idiot!”

Naruto snorted and let the insult roll off of his back before he turned to you.

“I like him! Good choice!”

That only seemed to piss Sasuke off more, so you quickly ushered him towards the next person on the table, Shikamaru, before anything escalated.

“Sasuke, this is Shikamaru Nara,” you introduced the lackadaisical man who had finished eating and was now just sipping wine. “Shikamaru is technically a part of my harem but he primarily acts as the main strategist for our military. Shikamaru is the best of the best, but the laws are outdated and difficult to change without me facing some serious pushback from some key nobles, so this was a loophole that allowed him to work as he pleased.”

Shikamaru waved a lazy hello before shifting his attention back to his wine, not that Sasuke noticed because his head had snapped to you, eyes searching your face like he was trying to figure out if you were lying.

“That’s possible?” he demanded. “We can work with the military?”

“Yes, of course,” you answered, knowing full well why he was shocked. It wasn’t common for men to work in or with the military. “If you’re interested in an arrangement like that, then we can discuss it this evening, but you mustn’t talk about it outside of the harem. If the information leaks, Shikamaru and myself could both receive major backlash. Shikamaru still has harem duties he must complete to keep up the façade, you would have to do the same if you decided to go for that route. But we’ll discuss that later, you still have more people to meet.”

Sasuke’s face made it clear that he wasn’t too thrilled to be having to wait to discuss that particular topic but you were grateful when he held his tongue. You had other things that needed doing first, and the hall wasn’t the best place for private discussions.

You moved onto the other side of the table to introduce Iruka to Sasuke.

“Sasuke,” Iruka greeted. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from your brother.”

You laughed at the face Sasuke pulled at the thought that his brother had been talking about him.

“Iruka is like the harem’s father,” you whispered to Sasuke. “Everyone respects him, so he’s a good person to go to if you have any problems.”

“I hope you’re only whispering nice things about me?” Iruka said with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course, my love,” you easily agree, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Iruka is currently training with some royal tutors a couple of days a week. We don’t have any children in the harem yet, but when we do, Iruka will be in charge of the early years education and possibly later education too depending on what these hypothetical children decide to specialise in.”

Sasuke nodded at Iruka.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“We’ve taken up enough of your time, Iruka, please return to your dinner while we move on.”

Next up was Haku.

“Sasuke, it’s lovely to meet you. My name is Haku,” Haku introduced himself, a gentle smile on his face. “I understand that entering the harem can be rather overwhelming, so I hope you are handling everything well.”

Sasuke made the face that everyone made whilst they were trying to figure out Haku’s gender. Haku just smiled serenely at him. You were convinced that he derived joy from confusing people.

“Just Haku, no last name?” Sasuke asked, apparently choosing to change the topic into what he considered to be safer territory.

“I have our wife’s name,” Haku laughed. “My parents abandoned me on the streets when I was young because they couldn’t afford to feed me, so I don’t have a last name of my own.”

Sasuke now looked even more uncomfortable.

“I’m… sorry… I didn’t know,” Sasuke apologised awkwardly, giving a little bow.

“Don’t worry,” Haku waved him off. “That was a long time ago. I have a much better family now, and I’m happy to welcome you into it, Sasuke.”

“I met Haku while on a diplomatic trip a few years ago. He was a dancer at a bar and I’d become so enamoured with him in only a few nights that I couldn’t bare to leave him and instead invited him to come back with me.”

“It was the most impulsive decision I’ve ever made to say yes,” Haku added, with a smile. “But I’m thankful every day that I took that chance. I’m sure you will as well, Sasuke.”

Sensing the finality of that statement, Sasuke went over to the next person without you, perhaps to escape the disastrous topic choices he’d just made as fast as possible. You chuckled, brushing a hand over Haku’s head to make sure he was okay before following after Sasuke who was already talking to Gaara.

“Yes, you might have heard of me, that wouldn’t be strange,” you heard the end of Gaara’s statement.

“Gaara’s the second prince of Suna,” you said, joining the conversation. “He has the highest personal ranking out of the harem.”

“I see.”

“His training makes him very useful,” you stage whispered to Sasuke. “Because he can handle all the foreign guests that are too difficult for grumpy Neji and too loud for reserved Shino.”

Gaara smiled faintly at the praise, hiding it behind a sip of his drink.

“And of course,” you leant over to the final person. “You’ve already met Neji.”

The tension rose as Sasuke and Neji made eye contact. They hadn’t even had a proper conversation yet and they were already being so dramatic. They were going to be quite the pair, you were sure. But the tension couldn’t last. You didn’t like drama within the harem, so you broke it with the first idea that came to mind.

You ruffled Neji’s hair.

And just like magic, his ire was now directed at you.

He squawked in protest and batted your hand away, sparking laughter all down the table.

Naruto, unsurprisingly couldn’t let the teasing chance pass him by.

“Aww, Neji can’t handle a little hair ruffling!”

Neji didn’t have enough eyes to glare at everyone but he gave it his best shot.

“You shouldn’t be surprised that he doesn’t like surprise affection, Naruto,” Shikamaru drawled, his wine now replaced by a cigarette. “Have you forgotten what happened when you tried to hug him from behind during his first week?”

“He almost broke your nose punching you in the face,” Haku added. “I had to tend to it while we waited for the physician.”

Neji’s face twisted in embarrassed displeasure at the fact that that particular story was being told. Again. Unfortunately for him, his face just sent everyone back into peals of laughter while Itachi and Iruka tried to quiet the bickering down.

You loved your family.

…

The castle was very different at night.

It looked different. It smelt different. It felt different.

And you couldn’t help but think that Sasuke looked so much more comfortable in the darkness.

You were both walking back to your room now, full and maybe a little bit tipsy from dinner. Sasuke arm was linked with yours and you noticed that he was very warm to the touch, even through his sleeve. Itachi was the same. Perhaps their entire family ran hot? You made a mental note to get him a nice fan as a welcoming gift because you knew Itachi couldn’t live without his, especially during the summer.

It was silent as you walked, but the silence was surprisingly comfortable. At least until the bedroom door closed behind you and you were truly alone for the first time. Suddenly the silence was oppressive.

“Nothing needs to happen tonight,” you said, slowly removing your outer layers in a way you hoped wasn’t suggestive. “If you wish for it, we will simply sleep here tonight, and then I will not call for you at night unless you decide that you wish for that kind of relationship with me.”

It was uncomfortable to talk about these things so candidly, but you held the power here and it was your responsibility to make sure Sasuke understood that he had the final say.

“I-“ Sasuke looked shocked. You waited for his response while committing his facial features to memory. Here, under the candlelight, was when his differences to Itachi felt the most obvious. He was sharp where Itachi was soft, and the shadows from the candlelight accentuated that.

“I’m tired,” Sasuke said eventually. He spoke around the issue, but his answer was clear.

“Of course, but are you too tired to talk more about Shikamaru’s situation and how you might want something similar?”

“No,” he protested immediately. “Tell me.”

You laughed at his disrespectful tone. He was part of your harem alright.

He’d do just fine here, you were sure of it.

[npcdeath]

fyi to yall in quarantine whos grasp on reality is getting a little slippery: isolation, intense boredom, stress and lack of positive routine are absolutely contributing factors to exacerbating psychosis and psychosis-adjacent disorders, even latent ones. im not saying this to fearmonger im saying it so u can recognise it and take steps to handle it especially if it induces your first ever episode.

some warning signs can include

starting to believe unusual things that you previously did not believe (e.g. living in a simulation / you or others around you not being real / secretly being in hell or dead / otherworldly beings communicating with you somehow / government conspiracies / everyone around you is out to get you and harboring ill intent)

seeing things youre pretty sure arent there (e.g. shadow people, floating lights, stationary objects moving on their own, animals in a house that doesnt have pets)

hearing things (e.g. murmured voices, occasional clear and loud voices, faint music, scratching sounds, any without a source)

feeling a sense of dread or generalised paranoia, a sense that you are being watched or that something terrible is looming on the horizon but you dont know what

having extra trouble putting your thoughts in order and speaking coherently, cannot concentrate, space out to the point of feeling slightly catatonic

those most at risk are anyone with a family history of this vein of mental illness as well as those using certain drugs to get through the tedium of quarantine - if this is you, its best to research whether the substances youre using have documented links to triggering episodes of psychosis in users. weed is included in this, not just psychoactive drugs.

here are some steps you can take to get a handle on the situation if your grasp on reality is slipping like this and you cant access irl mental health resources.

have a routine. this is vitally important - you need structure. set an alarm for a specific time every day, even though you have nowhere to be. give yourself a bedtime. eat 2 meals a day, at least, at regular times.

leave the house. no, i dont mean Go Out, just be outside for a while every day or two. go for a walk if you can. stand outside your house for 15 minutes paying attention to the cars and the birds and the breeze and the clouds if you cant. really observe your surroundings. get sunlight.

on that note - let as much natural light into your house as possible during waking hours. your circadian rhythm needs it.

take up some form of hobby that requires physical engagement - whether thats journaling, drawing, making origami, gardening, cooking. the point of this is to ground yourself in your body and the world around you, have an affect on your surroundings, and stimulate your brain.

dont dwell on your delusions, hallucinations or distressing trains of thought if you can help it. that isnt to say "snap out of it and just dont have symptoms", but rather accept them without either judging them or overindulging in them. observe them as they happen, accept that they happen, and let it go, if you can. you may not be able to control the experiences, but you can control how you react to them, and the best case scenario is not allowing them to overwhelm your thoughts and your days. this is much easier said than done, especially if the experiences are distressing in nature, but the aim is to sever the feedback loop that causes further stress and thus further bad extrasensory experiences.

this is honestly just a basic surface scratch of advice though bc im by no means an expert, just someone w latent psychosis who used to work in the field for a while. there are tons of resources online by others who have experienced psychosis that can be a huge help if u think you might be at risk due to the stress, boredom and uncertainty of quarantine

[theshelbyclan]

Castle in the Sky

Summary: You’re the daydreaming sibling of the Shelby’s, but when the adventure spills over into real life, it’s not as great as you’d imagined

(Gif by @nofckingfighting​) A/N: A sweet anon requested: can I have request please Something like this Tommy was very protective over y/n and she gets hurt by one of the bad guys and sees blood on her face now all bruised but Tommy wants revenge Omg if you do so thank you so much for my request! ❤️ Huge fan of your works!This is set around season 1, back in the good old days when the only real enemy was Billy Kimber, remember those days? So easy… anyways, hope you like it J Words: 2933 ***

You were only nine when you started as a bookie’s runner for the Peaky Blinders. Nothing about this was special, half the kids of Small Heath worked for them, but there was just one difference: the Shelby’s were your brothers. It was a good job in many ways, because it meant not only being able to help your brothers, but people were inclined to give you a bit extra, just for being a Shelby. You imagined they thought it good luck.

“Y/N, take this to the other side of town, will you?” Tommy requested as he sat hunched over a newspaper. You protested a little, “Why me? I’ve done all of mine for today…” “This one’s extra, alright?” “Who is it?” you could never hide your inquisitive nature. But you only showed it around your brothers; to the rest of the world you were just quiet and practically invisible. He smirked slightly, “Someone who’ll pay up big. That’s why I need you to do it. Can’t trust any of the other kids not to steal…” “I have some homework to do, Tommy.” At thirteen, you were still at school, which was a minor miracle in Birmingham. “Tell you what: if you just do this one job, I’ll get you magazine you’ve been talking about, eh?” now he looked up and met your eyes. “Book, Tommy,” you smiled, “You might have heard of the concept? It’s a little like a magazine, a little like that newspaper, but with more pages? Some find it challenging, but once you get used to it…” “Alright, little miss know-it-all,” he grumbled without malice, “Go on, take the slip, make sure he bets all. Off with you. Stop outsmarting your old brother, eh?” He winked to make sure you were comfortable and you returned it with a big grin. “Where?” “Digbeth,” Tommy’s nose was back in the newspaper, “behind the Golden Dragon.” ***

As you were walking through the streets of Small Heath on your way to Digbeth, you were daydreaming. In a way it was strange just how different you were from your brothers, because the entire Shelby clan was very realistic, trying to make their way in this hard world, where you would rather pretend all day you were the main character in some story. The books you read, it was all an escape to you. So while you were walking, the people and factories disappeared. In your head, you were walking through the woods, on a secret mission that your king gave you. With the top-priority letter in your pocket, you remembered what he’d told you before you left: “If you get caught, eat the letter. If they capture you, make sure to be brave and never divulge its contents to anyone. And if all else fails, you must make the ultimate sacrifice. But remember, you have to memorize the contents of the letter first…” Wouldn’t it just be easier to memorize it now and destroy the letter immediately? You pondered on the matter… In the distance, you could see the mountains and the towers of another kingdom, and you knew your enemies were near. Without anyone noticing, you put a hand to your pocket and could feel the reassuring rustling of paper underneath your fingers: the letter was still there. If it would come to a fight, how would you go about it? If there were just one man, the small dagger in your boots would suffice. If it were two, you’d distract one, maybe by throwing the veil you were wearing, quickly turning around to kill the other and then back to the first one before he had time to recover. If there were more than three, you’d run, because you were the fastest after all. You’d get to higher ground and attack them from there, like a deadly shadow they could never see coming. As you smiled to yourself, you left the daydream for a short moment. You looked down and saw the muddy shoes you were wearing, marching through Birmingham mud. In the distance, all you saw was smoke and factory pipes. But it was honestly all you needed: your imagination did the rest. The real world barged in when you delivered the slip in Digbeth. Everything went smoothly at first. Your big brown eyes persuaded him to indeed bet big, and you were quite satisfied with yourself, knowing Tommy would be too. But you still had to walk back with a lot of money now in your pocket.

*** Almost home, there were only a few streets to go. Your head was back in the clouds and this time you were imagining you were a spy during the war. Silently, you moved through the streets, making yourself invisible and pretending every man wearing a hat was the enemy. So each time you saw one, you changed directions or hid for a second. It was a fun game, until you realised the enemy wasn’t wearing a hat. “Now, what’s a pretty girl like you doing on the streets, all by herself?” A man with a heavy Cockney accent popped up next to you and your heart nearly jumped out of your chest. You opened your mouth to reply, but no words came out. In your dreams, you always knew what to say, but in reality it wasn’t so easy. The man approached you and you noticed he’d cut you off from your one exit out of the alley, “It’s Y/N Shelby, isn’t it,” he grinned. “No,” you managed to say, “you got the wrong girl.” He grinned again, “Nice try, sweetheart. We’ve seen you at the Garrison. They don’t allow little girls at the pub, unless they’re a Shelby.” This was all true. You felt your hands getting clammy. “Tommy sent you, didn’t he?” Again, you tried to remember what the hero in your stories would do. She’d run, climb the building and then throw a knife right between the eyes of the man. Or she’d say something clever, just to distract him, and then turn around and escape when he least expected it. He took another few steps forward and you could smell him now, a smell of strange smoke and the river, “Do you know who I am?” Nailed to the ground, you shook your head. “I work for Mr. Billy Kimber. Ever heard of him?” You turned to see if you could escape, but then realised the other side of the alley was blocked by two more men. Neither of them were wearing hats. Cold sweat of fear ran down your back. The man in front of you started laughing, “There’s no running, sweetheart. Just give it to me.” At once you realised he was referring to the money in your pocket, but for Tommy’s sake, you wanted at least to try to be brave, “I don’t have anything.” He sighed, “Don’t play with me. I’m not the kind of man to play with, and neither is Mr. Kimber,” his voice was suddenly low and menacing, “Your brother thought he could, thought he would get away with fixing a race, he did, and now he’s going to be put against the post and shot. Don’t think I won’t do the same to you.” You gulped, but still thought of Tommy’s disappointment in you when he would find out you’d been a coward. So you took a deep breath and said softly, “It’s not yours. This money is ours. You can tell Mr. Kimber to go fuck himself!” It didn’t come out as strongly as you’d hoped. Like a crack of thunder, he swiftly slapped you across the face with the back of his hand. All the air was knocked out of your lungs in a second and you stood gasping for air, as you felt some blood trickling down your chin. “Give me the money,” he demanded again. And then, like your heroes, you pretended to reach for it in your pocket. Suddenly, you turned around and started running into the other direction, hoping to slip past the two men before they could stop you. But it didn’t work. One grabbed your arm and when you tried to push him away, he punched you hard. All strength left you in an instant. The second one started fumbling in your pockets and instinctively you kicked him, which earned you another blow to the head. More punches followed and your head was spinning. As you looked up to the sky, you remembered wanting to get back home, to your castle, where all was well and safe.  In the end, they left you on the ground and the money was gone. Your last thought was: Tommy is going to be so embarrassed. 

*** “Y/N?” You opened your eyes, but couldn’t see for a moment. “Y/N,” the familiar voice repeated, “Come on, yes, let’s get you home. Polly, Polly will know what to do, yes…” Strong arms lifted you up and rocking with his familiar limp, Curly carried you back to Watery Lane. When he’d taken you into the kitchen, Aunt Polly flew to your side in seconds, asking, “What’s happened?” Uncertainly, Curly explained and as he did, he started to become upset over your state. That’s when Tommy came in and started to calm him, while keeping an eye on you all the time. “Sweetheart,” Aunt Polly had taken a cold cloth to the cut in your lip, “Wake up… Come back to us…” Again you tried opening you eyes and you finally managed this time. But all your concern was with Curly, who was still anxiously fidgeting with his cap in hand. “Don’t worry, Curly,” you croaked, “I’m alright now. You did good, carrying me here.” “Polly will know what to do…” he kept on repeating. Tommy put a hand on his shoulder and it had an immediate calming effect, “It’s alright, Curly, go back to Charlie, eh? We’ll take care of her now.” Before he left, you said to him, “Curly? I’ll stop by tomorrow, see about that beautiful horse of yours, alright?” That put an immediate smile on his face, “Yes, she’s a beauty, alright… And she needs her princess to ride her! Back to that castle in the sky…yes…” When he’d gone, you lowered your head again and sighed deeply. Carefully, you felt your face and only then realised how awful you must look. “Who did this,” Tommy demanded at once. Polly glared daggers at him, “You did, I presume?” “Me?” “I told you again and again not to use the little ones to run errands. Sending them across half of Birmingham with money in their pockets, and look what happens!” For a moment, Tommy seemed to be speechless. Then he protested, “They’re invisible, Pol. Nobody knows they’re carrying anything.” “This one did,” you interjected, “because he knew who I was.” “How?” “Said he was with Kimber,” you whispered as the memories came back to you, “said he’d put me up against a post and he’d shoot me, like he’d do with you…” In a sudden fit of rage, Tommy grabbed a chair and flung it across the room. Polly snarled at the gesture and then turned to you, “Stay here. This cloth is cold, keep it against your eye, or it’ll turn black in half an hour, and I can’t take you to church looking like that. I just need to have a word with your brother.” You took the cloth and didn’t dare to look at Tommy, who was now being taken away by his aunt like he was ten years old again and in trouble. Aunt Polly closed the door behind her, but you still tried to hear as much as you could. Most of it was lost, but when they started shouting you heard bits like “putting your little sister in danger!” and “this is Billy fucking Kimber, Thomas” and “family first”. At first Tommy protested with “I didn’t know they knew her” and “Kimber is getting weak”, but eventually he shouted out in defeat, “I fucked up, alright? I’ll fix it. I promise.” When they came back, Tommy looked like a dog that’d just been kicked. So he retreated into a corner and started smoking, still sulking a little. Aunt Polly lifted your head up by placing a finger under your chin, “You won’t look pretty for a week, but it’ll heal.” You shrugged, not caring about being pretty at all, and muttered, “I feel like an idiot…” “Why?” your aunt demanded, “because big men decided to go after a small girl?” Tears started forming in the corners of your eyes, as you admitted, “Because I wanted to be brave! In my stories I’m pretty and strong and the hero, but in reality I’m just like a mouse. No one notices me and I’m useless…” “Sweetheart,” Polly softened her voice and crouched down next to you, “Just because you can’t fight like Arthur or John can, doesn’t make you useless. We’re all stuck here, in Small Heath, and there’s nothing pretty about that. But you reading all those books? That’s what’s going to make this easier. You can pretend, and that’s worth more than you’ll ever realise.” You smiled back at your aunt, who always knew what to say to make you feel better. “I’m off to the chemist to get you some powder against the pain,” she kissed the top of your head, “I’ll be right back, love.” After she’d gone as well, you sighed again and dropped the cloth. Her words mattered, of course they did, but it didn’t change the fact that you weren’t happy with yourself at all. For starters, you still couldn’t bear looking at Tommy. “Y/N,” he grumbled, which convinced you even more he was angry and disappointed, “Tell me what they looked like.” “They didn’t wear hats…” Impatiently he waved a hand, “Apart from that. What else?” “I don’t know,” you shrugged, “it all happened fast, Tommy. They had that accent that Kimber has as well.” “Fucking Cockneys…” your brother breathed. “Tommy?” you tried carefully, “I’m so sorry, but I lost the money. I tried to keep it. When they asked I told them to fuck off and then I tried to run and even fight, but they still took it. I’m so sorry…” He held up a hand to silence you and locked eyes with you, “You told them to fuck off?” “Yes, but it didn’t help…” “You actually told them to fuck off?” he frowned, “Usually you’re too shy to even say anything to strangers…” “I was angry,” you explained, “and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Tommy walked over to you and much to your surprise, he was smirking, “So you told them to go fuck themselves, and then you fought them?” “Yes?” “Did you hit any of them?” You thought about it for a second, “I think I kicked one in the balls and hit the other in the face.” His grin grew even wider and he mumbled to himself, “Wait ‘till I tell Arthur about this…” “Why?” you protested, “So he can laugh at me as well?” “No, sweetheart, he’ll be the proudest brother ever. His little sister, who everyone thinks is a little mouse too scared to do anything? She fucking hit a grown man and told them to go fuck themselves. Now that’s a hero in my book!” His laugh was contagious and you had to join in. But soon you became uncertain again and asked, “Are you not upset I lost the money?” “The money’s not important,” his face grew serious again in an instant, “but you are.” “Really?” you whispered. “Yes,” he took your face in his hands, “Listen, Y/N, this is what’s going to happen: Billy Kimber threatened my little sister, so I’m going to put himup against the post, and shoot him.” “And then what?” “Well, what usually happens in your books? Maybe I could learn something from them, eh?” A warm feeling of being appreciated for who you were came over you, “You’d take his kingdom and his skull would be put up on the gates, as a warning for all future enemies.” “That’s fucking dark,” Tommy raised one eyebrow, “But I like it.” “Me too…” you smiled at your brother. “I mean it though, Y/N. Kimber touched you, so I’m going to shoot the bastard. I won’t let anyone fucking go near you again.” And just like that, you felt safe enough again to continue dreaming. *** A few weeks later, everything had turned to chaos, both in the Shelby household as in the whole of Birmingham. Tommy didn’t speak to anyone of what happened to you, he hadn’t even apologized, but he wasn’t like that. He told you he’d fix it, promised you revenge, and that was even better. When the men were counting minutes in front of the Garrison and Billy Kimber’s army arrived, you were sitting at home with a book. You couldn’t really concentrate, because you knew there were too many of them. You pretended some angel would appear to save them all. There’d have to be no bloodshed, because this angel would be on your brothers’ side. That angel came in the form of your older sister Ada. She’d always had flair. In the end, only two bullets were fired. You listened to them both. One killed Danny Whizz-bang. The other killed Billy Kimber. Nobody knew, but as Tommy fired, he didn’t have business on his mind.

As he aimed, he saw his little sister’s face, all bruised and battered.

He whispered, “for Y/N,” and shot.

Bang.

***

Masterlist

[chronicillschronicpills]

Hello! I saw an old post of yours abt sex and chronic pain and I guess I wanted to see if you or anyone else would have any advice for me!

I'm unfortunately having a bad flare day- and I think a large amount of it is because my partner and I did stuff yesterday. My partner is very sweet and kind about my condition, and always asks me during if the things we're doing are okay. The thing is, I always want to try even if it hurts because I love doing it and I miss being able to do it without such awful pain.

I can't find a position that doesn't make me hurt a lot afterward. Him on top of me makes my legs and hips hurt (legs in air), me on top of him makes my hips and knees hurt, from behind makes my hips and knees hurt, and forget any of my weight being on my hands. My disability has taken over every aspect of my life and I'm so frustrated. I just want to enjoy myself for once.

If you or anyone else has some advice on positions or pain relief I would really appreciate it!!! Thank you so much 💜💜💜

SEX AND CHRONIC ILLNESS;

Hi, there love,

I swear I have a defective Tumblr and I never get any noti's from my inbox, so I'm sorry if you sent this months ago!

I'm gonna try to give my best advice and hope that my followers will also help with advice.

First of all, pretty much any physical activity can throw me into a flare so I can understand that sex can definitely have a real impact on flares. You are most definitely not alone. I can also empathise with the frustration of your disability taking a lot from you and your life. I am so happy you're partner is supportive too and I hope that you guys are great at communicating with each other about sex which is probably the MOST important thing in this. I am going to give my advice under the assumption that you guys have great, healthy communication.

Sex positions that could be worth a try, it seems as if any stretching of the hips and pressure on the knees and hands are out of the questions so here are not only some of my all-time favourites, but also should be friendly for these issues:

Lazy doggy (lying face down on your stomach with your legs together): that way you don't need any weight bearing on knees or hands, no stretching of the hips and you basically just lay face down, I like this position as it also takes little energy and it's quite easy for you or your partner to stimulate your clitoris at the same time. you can also try this position with a pillow or wedge under your hips for a different angle and extra support on your hips

Spooning sex: I find this a great position, you just lay on your side, your good side that day, and sometimes putting a pillow between your knees can help with that.

I personally don't fuck with this position but standing up sex facing a wall is also considered to be pretty easy on these joints.

This one is slightly harder to explain (its a modified missionary variant) but if you are laying on your back and you put your legs straight or bent vertically and lay them on your partner's chest (kind of like an L position with the legs up), and then he would be either standing or on his knees (so your partner would be the P and u the L; PL). This means your hips aren't stretched outward, your knees and hands don't have pressure on them, your partner does not have their body weight on you and your partner can hold onto your legs for extra support. You can add a pillow under your hips for extra support. I really hope this makes sense, and if someone knows if this has an actual name, please help!

You could also try a seated position and you could face away from him to keep the hip angle easier

other general tips;

Take MAD advantage of pillows and wedges; this could help with him on top of you if you bulk up on either side of your hips so you don't have to strain or stretch as much.

Rethink your idea of sex: some days there may be no position that is comfortable. Sex is whatever feels good for you. You don't need penetration to have sex. Have your partner go down on you or stimulate you with their hands. If you really like the penetrative feeling, buy some toys and your partner can use them on you in any position that's comfy for you. Buy lots of sex toys, to be honest, that can be super fun and accessible. You can get full pleasure and give full pleasure without vagina/penis penetration.

Something my therapist has taught me is to pace myself and practice patience with MYSELF! I can tell you probably push yourself because you always want to still try even if it hurts. For example, I don't exercise, but one day I decided to go to the trampoline park and do gymnastics (i used to do gymnastics) and then was fucked for a week. Another example, I tried to do gymnastics at home and broke my foot. Just keep throwing myself into the deep end and end up making it worse; 1 step forward, 12 steps back. So pace yourself, and practice patience, and don't be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself with kindness.

I know sex is often spontaneous, but honestly stretching and warming up could help, and maybe even during foreplay, you could get a massage to warm up and connect with your partner. Also if you know you're going to have sex, you could take some painkillers or weed (if you're into it) beforehand.

I really really really hope that a) everything made sense and b) that it would actually help! Please send me a message if you feel comfortable if this helped at all.

Please leave your most accessible sex positions in the comments or reblog with advice!

[ravs6709]

Vanilla Dates- Lumity

Read on ao3 here.

Word count: 1.8k words

Happy birthday @daydream-draws !!! I offer you some lumity fluff!!!

Just some mundane dates that take place post King's Tide!

I hope you enjoy!!!

Warnings: none

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Mija, I'm taking Vee to the parent-teacher's interview, can you pick up a few items at the grocery store for me?" Camila asked. "The list is on the fridge, money's on the table."

Luz nodded. "I can do that!"

"Please don't buy too many extras."

"I won't!"

Luz went to her room so she could grab a backpack—it was easier carrying groceries that way for her—and saw Amity sitting on the floor, staring forward at a wall.

"Sweet potato?" Luz called out. "I thought you would've been in the backyard with the others."

"I wasn't feeling it," Amity replied.

Luz stepped closer and noticed that her phone was in Amity's lap. The screen was still on, displaying a photo that Luz had taken of Amity, Emira and Edric.

"I miss them too. They'll be okay."

The screen turned off, and Amity turned to look at her. "Yeah."

"Hey, Amity. You wanna come grocery shopping with me?"

"Sure, I guess?"

Luz grabbed a backpack as Amity grabbed a headband. She grabbed the list and money and the two of them headed out. The store was only a small walk away, so they walked there, holding hands.

"The human realm is really busy," Amity mused as they entered the store. "It's not chaotic with magic, but there's its own chaos."

Luz laughed. "Oh, you do not want to see the lines during holidays. It is a mess. Ooh, Amity! Get in the cart!”

Amity pointed to the picture on the cart seat. “Um, Luz?”

She shrugged, pointing to a stranger’s cart that seated a toddler. “Mama and I did this all the time!” Luz omitted the fact that “all the time” meant when she was still small enough to fit in the seat. “Just sit here, and I’ll push!”

Amity agreed, and Luz began running, pushing the cart down the aisle.

“Oh, this is fun,” Amity said. I’ll push you during the second half.”

“Aww, thanks.” 

They sped through the various aisles, picking up items from their list.

"Do they really just leave out all the items on display like this?" Amity asked. "Wouldn't it be so easy to steal?"

"Nope! See that round black thing up there?" Luz looked up to a camera, and Amity followed her gaze. "That's a camera!"

"Like the thing on your phone?"

"Kinda. It's connected to a screen that people can watch through, so they can see what goes on in the store. Also we pay at the end, the cashiers'll see everything that we bought."

"Oh, cool. That's really freaky."

"Eh, you get used to it."

"Amity! Look! Sweet potatoes!" Luz gestured to them.

Amity pointed at the purple vegetables. "Is that what I've been calling you?"

Luz squished her cheeks. "Well, humans like using food names as terms of endearments! Like honey and pumpkin! It’s really cute that you call me sweet potato!””

Amity blushed. "You’re sweet, Luz."

This time, it was Luz's turn to feel her cheeks heating up.

The two continued going through the aisles, this time Amity pushing Luz in the cart. They picked up mostly the essentials, but they both got distracted by the snacks.

“Ooh, that looks good,” Amity said, picking up a pack of pocky. 

“Gus did say he wanted to try this,” Luz said, picking up a popular brand of chips.

By the time they reached the end, they had slightly more items than expected, but it seemed like Camila was prepared for that, because they had more than enough money to pay. As they walked home, droplets of rain fell on them.

“Oh shoot! I didn’t realize it was gonna rain!”

“Don’t worry.” Amity conjured an umbrella, shielding them both from the rain.

“The rain’s not that bad,” Luz said.

“I know, but still, the groceries.”

“True.”

After they got home and packed away the groceries, Luz grabbed Amity by the arm and took her outside.

“Luz, it’s raining,” Amity said, finger moving to conjure another umbrella.

Luz batted the hand, stopping the spell. “I know! I’m here to be in the rain! Isn’t it great?”

“I feel wet.”

She shook her head. “Come on, sweet potato.” Luz held Amity’s hand and began twirling her around. Soon enough, Amity was smiling, similar to the sun that peaked behind the clouds. 

“It’s a shame the rain hurts you in the Boiling Isles,” Amity grumbled.

“Everything there tries to hurt you,” Luz corrected.

“You’re right about that one.”

Once Luz was tired of dancing, she pulled her girlfriend in for a kiss. “Ooh, my first rain kiss!”

Amity grinned, kissing her again. “Your second rain kiss.”

Just as Luz was ready for a third, a car’s honk started them both.

“You’ll both get sick if you don’t dry off!” Camila called out. “I need to park the car!”

Luz pouted, but they went inside and dried off.

(They both got sick.)

•~•~•~•~•~•

“Sand feels weird,” Amity commented.

“Agreed.”

Camila had taken them all on a trip to the beach after Gus had managed to figure out how to disguise the witch features from the witches. 

"Ooh, what's that?" Amity bent over and picked up a shell. She turned it over in her fingers. "This is so pretty!" She looked around, watching small children make sandcastles. “I’ve decided we’re making castles and we’re gonna decorate it with shells.”

Amity grabbed her by the arm as they found a good spot and got to work. Luz had a lot of sandcastle making experience (she once spent an entire beach outing making a really good one. Too bad she never got a picture), and Amity seemed very determined to make a sturdy, aesthetically pleasing looking castle. It got to the point where Amity was doing most of the work, but Luz was fine with it, amused by her girlfriend's focused look.

"Luz—oh, was I doing too much?"

"No no, carry on." For emphasis, Luz shifted to lay on her stomach, looking up at Amity with a smile. 

And ooh, this angle made it so that the sun shone on her hair perfectly, Amity almost seemed to be glowing ethereally. A goddess shaping her land with her own hands. Luz admired the view.

“Luz, I’ll be back with shells, protect the castle.”

She nodded. “I’ll do it with my life!”

Amity smiled fondly, kissing her on the cheek. Luz guarded the castle carefully like a knight, all for the sake of her goddess. Well, Luz had always been a fan of the goddess (usually princess, but close enough) and bodyguard pairing. As Amity returned, they placed the shells down and continued working until they eventually got bored. They took a few pictures, gave the shells to Vee (who was comfortably sunbathing and had no intention of getting up), and then Luz picked up Amity.

“Are you taking me to the water—Luz you are not going throw me in there Luz!”

Luz laughed at the splash, then yelped as a hand grabbed at her foot and she fell over. “Oh, this means war.”

The two began fighting, arms waving as they splashed water at each other. A proper duel, that was what this was; one that they could both enjoy as they mutually went at each other. They both laughed as they got the other, yelped as they got splashed, and despite the lack of magic involved, it was exhilarating. 

“Okay I think I’m done,” Luz panted, out of breath.

Amity smirked. “Does that mean I win?”

She glared, but was too tired to rise to the taunt. “We’ve been playing so close to the shore, we should go deeper.”

“Deeper?”

“Yeah, don’t worry! I can swim, and I’d never let you drown!”

“Okay, I trust you.”

Amity held on to Luz’s hand as she tried to float, and she did, for a moment, and then she began sinking and scrambled for purchase, accidentally dragging Luz down with her. As they resurfaced, they both laughed.

“You wanna head back?”

“Yeah, sure.”

•~•~•~•~•~•

“Where are you taking me?” Amity asked.

“It’s a surprise!”

Luz led her by the hand as they walked down the street, weaving through crowds of people. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to blindfold Amity until they were nearly there, but she was already committed to it, so she couldn’t just take it off and then put it on again. They entered a building and Luz paid for their passes.

They walked a little further in, and finally, Luz took off the blindfold. Amity looked around, eyes wide. “Wow… this is a lot of water.” They continued walking, and a fish swam nearby. “Woah, what is that?”

“Those are fish,” Luz explained. “That one’s called a blue tang! I was always a huge fan of animals, and I remember after our school brought us here once, I did so much research on the various fish.”

“They’re different from what I’ve seen,” Amity said. “No limbs, wings, how do they even move?”

“See those things that stick out from them? Those are fins! The fish push themselves in the water and the fins help them move too.”

“Oh, that’s so interes—what is that?”

“A shark! They’re like bigger fish and they eat smaller fish.”

“Was almost starting to wonder if the animals here were too friendly,” Amity joked.

“Oh, you haven’t seen how dangerous animals can be. It’s just that a lot of the time, we won’t ever see them for ourselves.”

“It’s a large world, Earth is.”

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

They continued walking through the aquarium, Amity asking questions and Luz telling her whatever facts that she was able to recall. Amity listened intently, curious about the world she was in. They entered a new room.

“And here’s a touch pool! Whatever’s inside, you can touch.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!” Luz walked up to one and lightly patted one of the stingrays. Amity followed suit.

“Oh… wow…”

“Isn’t it so cool?”

“It is! They're small and cute!"

"They're also not trying to eat you," Luz snorted.

"Yeah, that too."

After that, they continued walking around and then left for lunch.

"Thank you, Luz. For all of this."

Luz kissed her cheek. "I told you I'd take you out for some mundane dates, didn't I?"

"Does grocery shopping and a trip with everyone to the beach count as dates?"

"I can take you out for even more dates, if you want. An amusement park, to the movies, a fancy dinner, stargazing—"

"As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy," Amity said, staring at her. "But I definitely won't refuse going to those places with you."

Luz smiled. "I love you, Amity."

"I love you too, Luz."

•~•~•~•~•~•

Toh taglist: @subrosasteath

Want to be added/removed from the taglist? Just let me know!

[likeastarstar]

9:20 PM- Jungkook

For what it's worth, you're a really good liar.

It's not a commendable talent, sure, but it was a handy one.

You weren't sure when it started, but somewhere along the line you started playing a character instead of being yourself. You noticed it got you farther, hiding your real emotions and thoughts in favor for just remaining as neutral as possible. Holding your cards close to your chest was a habit you picked up early on in life and it has saved you from a lot. It was just easier to always be happy in front of others, pretending that nothing bothered you. People seemed to appreciate it, praising your good natured tendencies and positive outlook.

But it also meant you were lonely.

No one knowing how you really felt was a double edged sword that would only nick at your heart at night when you were left with the emotions you had shoved deep down inside. They overflowed and suffocated you, buried under its weight.

No one really noticed it was fake- no one except for Jeon Jungkook.

You didn't really know him that well, you had a couple mutual friends and would see him around often enough but didn't speak to him willingly. To be honest, he made you uncomfortable. He had a careful gaze that watched you like a hawk when you walked into the room, narrowing his eyes when you spoke. You felt like you had to watch the lies you smiled through in front of him, like he had x-ray vision of something.

Your worries were confirmed one day, when you were having a particularly bad day but your friend invited you out. The bar they chose was crowded, loud enough to drown out all of the conversations and blend them into a cacophony of general popularity.

"So are you always like that or what?"

You snapped your head towards Jungkook, frowning at the question. "Like what?"

"Oh, you know, so cheery and sparkly," Jungkook said in a flat tone, throwing up sarcastic jazz hands with wide eyes punctuating the word 'sparkly'.

You searched for anyone in the vicinity to get you out of this conversation but came up short, everyone else was busy in their own conversation, "I'm a happy person. Is that a crime?"

Jungkook snorted and shrugged, "No, but nothing seems to bother you. Like- anything. I don't think I've ever seen you in a bad mood. It's freakish, unnatural. Almost like it's fake."

You stared at the ground, unsure of what to say, how to defend yourself. How did this guy see through you when your own best friend couldn't? Even your parents believed your smiles and easy going words. How had he figured it out?

"And you know what's weirder?" He continued, "I asked around about you and no one else seems to ever recall a time where you were anything but happy. I heard you broke up with a guy after like a three year long relationship and barely even talked about it afterwards."

You felt a spike in your heart at the mention of your last relationship that ended for multiple reasons but equated to you crying your eyes out for months because you just couldn't match the level of perfection you had built up for that long. By the end of the relationship, you were losing your mind trying to keep up with the version of you that your ex thought was real. Jungkook was right about one thing, you didn't let anyone know how distressed you were over it, covering the dark under eye circles with extra concealer and smiling when someone asked if you were okay. You pushed the feeling away, choosing to focus on the fact that Jungkook was asking about you- digging up information like you were some type of criminal.

"I still don't see how that's a bad thing."

"I find it interesting," he shrugged. "Do you just not feel anything but happy? Is it like a chemical imbalance or something?"

"No- it's self control." You snapped, crossing your arms tightly.

Jungkook smile only grew at your expense and widened his eyes with...excitement?

"There it is- anger. See, I've seen you annoyed, which you normally are when you speak to me, but now I've seen you angry. So why is it that the people who've known you your whole life haven't seen that from you? Not even your best friend, who said you two have never even gotten in an argument." He analyzed. "What is that about?"

You tried to find some kind of an excuse, coming up short. You're normally a perfect liar- so why couldn't you come up with something to get Jungkook off your back?

"I'm being harsh," Jungkook sighed. You raised your eyebrows in surprise, another emotion that he noticed. He smirked slightly but ignored it, stepping closer to you instead. He looked down at you from the slope of his nose, tilting his head slightly. Large eyes on yours, you felt weirdly vulnerable under his gaze, "I'll stop, but I'm just saying- it's not natural. Everyone needs a release, I can be that for you, if you want."

"Why would I say yes to that?" You grumbled kicking your feet idly. He was so close to you that you were beginning to get scared that he could sense the nervousness wafting off of you, but that only seemed to make him more interested in you.

"Because I already see through you," He explained. "If you are going to be honest with anyone, why not me? Plus, I dunno- you're interesting. A lot more interesting than anyone I've met in a long time. Call me nosey, I wanna know what's going on in that head of yours."

You snorted, rubbing your temples with the bottoms of your palms soothingly, knowing that what was in your head would terrify a person if they really took a peek in. You stared at him, studying the impassive look he was giving you, trying to tell if he was bad news or not. He probably was, considering how uncomfortable you still were.

"Come on, aren't you lonely?" He asked, nudging your shoulder slightly.

You were. It was the only thing stopping you from outright denying him. The simmering curiosity that you felt to figure him out as much as he was trying to figure you out. It was the curiosity, intrigue, and an underlying sense of...relief.

Finally- someone saw through your lies.

masterlist.

[totiredtowrite]

Nonononono hear me out right? Imagine Oikawa, one of the most powerful demons around, snags a reader who wants to be a hero and just kind of says 'aight this ones mine now'

Powerless

Warnings - Mentions of killing, the word blade, a religious joke here or there, cursing, referenced nsfw, the req was short but I managed to make this long af, sorry if the ending is trash :(, might do a part 2

Note: I have one mood and this is it

Male Reader - Fem Readers DNI, Respect The Boundaries of the Writers. ✨This isn't about you✨

Demon King Oikawa Tooru.

Infamous for a...multitude of things. For one, his power. Two, the astounding number of people who lust after him. Cults and chapels have been erected in his favour, solely because of his attraction. Nobodies even sure if he's a demon of lust at this point, or if he's just naturally handsome.

And lastly, of course, his ego. His power gives him a big head, though that isn't undeserved. He's just as cocky as he's allowed to be. While it may seem like overkill to some people, they'll quickly find that all of his self conceit is well earned.

Of course, that makes him a big target. Any heroes career would be made if they could kill the demon king. Hell, some get publicity just by returning alive. Young, naive, aspiring heroes want to get his head on a platter more than anything.

And, of course, you were no exception.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ 🃑 ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I just don't think you're cut out for this, son."

At first you'd scoffed. Chalked it up to your mentor being crazy. After all, he was the one who trained you for this!

Nearing the end of the dead forest though, you were starting to wish that you'd listened to him. The energy, the atmosphere, felt like it was wrapping around your neck. You could almost see the dark tendrils around your throat.

The whispers of the forest- prominent, though unintelligible- faded the farther you got from the tree line. Anyone with eyes, ears, or even a nose could tell how corrupt the land was here. Dead birds, ravens to be exact, littered the grounds. Every few yards, you had to step over or around a carcass.

Your torch, near burnt out, clattered to the ground.

There wasn't any need for it anymore, the dim sunset illuminating the deathly area. A small shudder tore through your body. It's like you could feel eyes on you, even in the obviously vacated expanse.

The castle wasn't any better.

Cracked and broken cobblestone lined the pathway up to the doors, travelling up a rather steep hill. From where you stood, you could see the different layers. True to it's unholy resident, the castle was make of dark brick and stone. Sharp, jagged pillars jutted up at the tips of towers, pyres in small heaps littering the area. Some looked as if they were already burnt.

Your hand drifted to your side. There your sword hung, sheathed tightly in a leather casing. The sword was all you really needed, though a couple extra daggers and limited magic items were helpful. After all, it was the demon king. Just a sword wasn't going to kill him off.

You smiled at the thought of your sword being framed when you became a well-known hero, famous for being the blade to deliver the finishing blow.

Those thoughts were quickly disrupted as a bird fell to the ground at your feet.

You grimaced, gently kicking the corpse out of the way and continuing on the rocky cobblestone path. There hasn't been any sign of people for the last two miles. You knew that there was an immensely powerful demon king not even twenty minutes away from you, but it felt like there was nobody for miles on end.

Obviously though, no sane person would get as close to this place as you were.

With one final, (and tentative) step, you arrived at the front door. It felt like any and all sound was swallowed by the walls, all of your senses instantly on edge. Nothing felt right here. It almost made you want to turn around, but you've already made it this far. It would make no sense.

Drawing in another shaky breath, your hand made its way to the door handle. Not much skin touched it through your gloves, yet you could just sense how wrong it felt.

You could only hope that the next time you see these doors, you'd still have your head.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ 🃑 ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Nobody told Oikawa that being the demon king would be so...boring.

As opposed to what everyone thinks, it's actually rather monotonous. Wake up, go seduce some townspeople, maybe burn a village or two, kill some heroes who come by, and repeat. Nothing happened that he didn't expect anymore.

Hell, it's gotten to the point where he just smites heroes before they even finish their little speech!

In his defense though, their speeches were starting to sound the same. All the "you are an ungodly creature of darkness"s and "I must avenge my family"s just felt the exact same. They only wanted to kill him for the publicity, the bounty, or some stupid thing about their families legacy. He's so bored.

His thoughts were quickly interrupted, (thank god), by the sound of footsteps pounding on the floor. All at once the door to the throne room swung open, a sweating and panting Kuroo standing there. His black hair was wind tousled, sweat glinting on his forehead.

"Wow," Oikawa scoffed. "Somethings got you running."

Kuroo stood up straight, shrugging and attempting to appear collected. "What do you mean?"

Oikawa raised his brows.

"Right, there's a hero in the castle." Kuroo chuckled awkwardly. "Want us to take care of him?"

Oikawa perked up. Another hero? Really? He wasn't looking forward to doing the same dance again, though maybe this time it would be slightly different. "Let him in," he grinned. "Maybe this one will have something for me." He was never one to turn down opportunity.

Kuroo, plagued by a bit of disbelief, nodded and left the throne room. Presumably it was to tell the fox twins.

Another wicked smile split the Demon King's face, brown hair shifting as he tilted his head to the side. Somehow, he got the feeling that this time, something interesting would happen.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛ 🃑 ┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You figured that the castle would be partly deserted, but this was just weird.

No sign of any living beings. Demons, animals, humans, nothing. Was it an ambush? Quite possibly. Still though, you continued on through the halls.

The inside, just like the outside, was made of dark stone and brick. The floors were marbled and grey, veins of gold running through it. It was actually relatively pretty. You thought that there would be skulls and bones everywhere, bodies even. The castle was well taken care of.

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. Seriously, there was no one. You thought that the all powerful Demon King would at least have some guards stationed around. You were grateful for it though, the lack of protection making it easier for you to get into the castle.

In truth you weren't exactly sure where you were headed. You believed the demon king to be in his throne room, though where exactly that was remained a mystery.

Using your limited knowledge of how castles are built, you slowly tried to make your way to the center of the castle. The back center, specifically. You hoped that you'd find the throne room there, plus you were following the remnants of magic.

Even not being a magic user yourself, it would be hard not to feel the weird fluctuations of energy in these halls. Demons always left some kind of trail behind. Which, of course, made this weirder. Nobody was stopping you, but it was clear that there were being in the castle aside from the king himself.

A thought struck you as you reached two huge double doors. (They no doubt led to the throne room). Was it possible that the demons were letting you get this close? Of course, there had to be some kind of second meaning behind it, right?

Drawing in a breath, you flung the doors open.

The throne room was different than the rest of the castle, if only slightly. Grey marble and gold veins staying the same of course, the walls slightly lighter than before. If you had the time to look closely, you'd notice the oxidized bloodstains on the walls.

"Well well, look who's finally showed up!"

Your breath hitched in your throat, barely registering the door creaking closed behind you the moment you stepped forward. He was just as...no, more terrifying up close. The horns jutting out from the sides of his head, twisted upward, held a muted purple colour that shined in the equally muted light. His tone of voice was teasing, almost whiny.

You couldn't tell if his eyes were brown or red, but either way they glowed dangerously. "Well, boy?" He tilted his head, soft brown hair bouncing slightly. "You are here to kill me...aren't you?" His tone shifted. Deeper, more serious.

Your hand quickly made its way to your sword, eyes darting from his horns to his eyes.

He laughed. "Why do you keep looking at my horns like that? You are here for my head, are you not?" You wanted to nod, though he spoke before you could get an answer out.

"Wait a minute. You're here for something more...carnal, aren't you?"

Your eyes widened. "What- no! I'm here for your head!" Your grip on the swords hilt tightened. The rumors about his looks were true, (maybe even understating them), however that is not what you're here to do.

The teasing smirk dropped off of his face. "Oh. Lame."

Your brows knitted together. "Lame?" What was that supposed to mean?

"Oh nothing," he rolled his eyes. "So if you're going to deliver a speech, best do it now. Before I, you know, kill you real bad."

You only looked more confused.

Oikawa scoffed at your lack of response. "Jeez, come on, you know what a soliloquy is right?"

"Well yes but I don't think that really applies here-"

"Tomato whatever, get on with it!" He'd turned around, hands firmly gripping your shoulders.

Your breath stopped short for a second.

"Oh come one," his face moved closer. "Is a little proximity all it takes for you to freeze up? Maybe you aren't cut out to be a hero, boy," he snickered. His nose was brushing yours, breath minty and cold.

Without thinking, your sword was at his side in a flash of silver. Maybe it was just out of reflex, the need to defend yourself. The blank, shocked look on your face morphing into one of confusion. Why wasn't your sword moving further? "Was that the best you could do?" The king whispered.

Looking down, you realize just why he was so revered. He'd caught the blade in his hand, a trickle of black blood visible on his palm. No grimace, no noise of pain, nothing. "Hey, eyes up here sweetheart," one of his clawed hands was on your chin now. The wound, one that would cut almost anyone's hand off, didn't seem to throw him off his rhythm at all.

Horror and realization befell you as your eyes met his. You weren't ready. You didn't know what to do, except relax and let instinct take over. So that's what you did.

You let the sword fall out of your hand, causing him to have to catch it at an awkward angle. Using his moment of distraction, you reached into a bag at your hip. Sand. Sure, he was a demon, though it's not like his eyes were impervious to sand.

The dust hit him in the eyes, a startled, strangled noise leaving him. You turned, darting to the only open window as fast as possible. Jumping was not a good idea by any means, though maybe you could use the little magic you knew to your own advantage. You hesitated. You didn't mean to, but really it was just in your nature to be a little cautious.

Oikawa's eyes cleared just in time to see you fall out the window, hands darting back and forth and lips moving. Magic. "You clever little thing," he snarled, at the window in only a few seconds flat. He almost jumped out after you, but then he stopped. Sure he could follow you, but what would be the point? It makes more sense to simply leave you to come back on your own.

"Hey!"

You didn't look back at the sound of his voice, though you did catch the next words to fall from his mouth. "The names Tooru, by the way!"

You didn't say a word, focused on the cold burn of your heart pounding and your legs moving. You'd failed far faster than you thought you would, but you'd be back. You didn't even bother to step around the birds, only focused on getting out. After all, he'd let you leave. There wasn't any way you were taking that for granted.

Back at the castle, Oikawa's hands were still gripping the window's edge. He'd watched your form run until he could hardly see you, still gazing off in that direction. The twins were hovering behind him, wondering when the right time would be to speak. The bloodied sword on the ground, (and the grains of sand), were clear signs that you'd done something.

After elbowing one another for a minute, Osamu spoke up. "Would you like us to take care of it, Lord?" He pushed Atsumu back in an attempt to seem more dignified.

They got silence for a second before he responded. "No. That one is mine. Leave him be." The twins nodded in unison, leaving the room like they were never there.

You didn't do much. There were other heroes who'd done far more to him then you had, though still, something stuck with him. Maybe it was the utterly useless conversation you'd shared before anything actually happened. Maybe it was the vague potential he saw.

In any case, he was going to see you once more. Somewhere you'd least expect him.

Oikawa never was fond of leaving unfinished business.

[pradaksj]

Safety Net || part one. (m.)

all rights reserved © pradaksj

↳do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

❧ summary ⟶ on new year’s eve, you and jungkook reflect on each other’s entire year together. 

❧ pairing⟶ jungkook/reader 

❧ genre⟶  enemies to friends, friends to lovers, roommates au, fluff, angst, pining, eventual smut, boxer!jungkook. two-part series. 

❧ word count ⟶ 24,000+

❧ warnings ⟶ mentions of oral and sex but nothing explicit or descriptive. fight scene that involves drunk man. mentions of bullying (in the past). 

❧ music⟶ safety net, selfish, stuck on you, exile, +more

❧ a/n (please read) ⟶ this story switches a lot from past & present, I color coded borders to make it easier to tell :) dark purple = entering/still in the past, light purple= present, also this is unedited so sorry for any mistakes 😭 ill come back to edit a lot of things soon. 

01 | 02 

“Oh perfect, y/n!” Hobi stops you dead in your tracks before you could completely make your way onto the living room, “You don’t mind grabbing some more firewood from my car while I finish these up,” he says, currently too busy melting the chocolate for the s’mores he was making.

You see tonight was New Year’s Eve, and you and a couple of other close friends had decided to rent out a cabin in celebration of the new year instead of going out to some end of the year party, choosing comfort over a night of wild drinking. In the end it didn’t make much of a difference, because the moment you saw Jimin and Taehyung walk in with a pack of soju and other cheap liquor in their hands, you knew that by the end of the night someone, if not everyone, was going to end up completely wasted.

And of course, you were right. After hours of being outside in the cold, with the boys drinking as if there was no tomorrow, everyone had now made their way back inside, complaining that it was too cold outside and that the cabin came with an indoor fireplace for a reason.

Never one to drink too heavy, you had kept your drinking at a moderate pace, only allowing yourself to reach a relaxed kind of buzz. Namjoon and Yoongi on the other hand were currently debating on whether the US’s landing of the moon was nothing more than a fake ploy to beat Russia and was instead filmed on some movie set. 

Jin and his girlfriend acted as measly facilitators between the two men who had been bickering back and forth for the past hour, their slurred speeches making it difficult to take either one seriously. 

Jimin, for his part, had attempted to keep his drinking at a minimal but with Taehyung acting as his partner in crime, the two were now playing an unbalanced game of ping-pong, both of them looking as if at any moment they were going to knock out on the table. And Jungkook was— well where the hell was Jungkook?

But before you could dwell too much on the thought, Hobi’s voice snaps you back to reality, “pleaseeee, I’ll even add an extra chocolate square to your s’more, just like how always like em,” he flashes you a smile, your roommate of 3, going on 4, years knowing just what to say to convince you, not that you needed much of it. 

Minus Hobi, you were probably the person closest to being sober, and you did not want to imagine the different disastrous scenarios that would happen if he sent anyone who wasn’t yourself out there. You also highly doubted any of them would even be up for it, and so with that you just let out a small groan, mumbling, “Where are your keys?”

Excitedly he points to the kitchen island, where his Hyundai’s keys laid across, “I parked right near the lake,” he says, immediately causing you to look back at him, brows furrowed in confusion, “No one wanted to carry the wood from here to the bonfire earlier, so I just parked near the lake to save our energy,” you roll your eyes, “Come on, it’s just a 2 minute walk at most, and I’m sure there’s still people celebrating across the lake as well so you don’t feel so scared, but if you want I can ask Jungkook to go wi—”

“It’s fine, it’s fine—” you interrupt, grabbing the keys and beginning to make your way out, quickly putting on your coat because God knew how cold it was outside. “He’s probably asleep already, knowing him,” you chuckle, the boy who Hobi had introduced you to in the last year and had been living with you two as well, had habit’s that were all too predictable by now. And though you knew he’d be more than glad to get up from bed and help, for now at least, you wanted him to rest as he, himself, was probably tired from carrying things back and forth all day in the help of preparing everything. “I’ll be quick,” you say.

“Make sure that no wooden splinter cuts you,” he shouts out before the wooden door closes, having been the victim to such cuts all day, “and call me if you find it too heavy!”

Beep. Beep.

Double clicking the lock button, you grunt as you try to simultaneously carry the uneven pieces of firewood and place Hobi’s keys back into your jacket’s pocket.

“Oh my God—” you mumble to yourself, frustrated by the lack of cooperation from the keys. The wood was now slipping from your hands, its gritty texture eager to leave you a cut and as predicted it does. 

Wincing in pain, you uncaringly drop the pieces of wood, worried more about the cut on your hand than what had fallen on the ground below. Luckily the cut wasn’t too bad, nothing a little soap and water couldn’t fix, but the tingly sting in your hand meant that you’d have to wait a while before picking the wooden pieces back up.

Around you, you could hear the sound of different groups of friends and family celebrating with their own events, spotting different bonfires all around the lake. Glancing at the time on your phone, it currently read 11:00, only one more hour until the new year. A part of you was tempted to walk further down the path that led to the lake’s shore. Maybe even secretly wait so that you could watch the fireworks these groups of people most likely had shoot up into the sky at 12. Especially because you knew going back to the cabin, no one would want to come back out with you to watch. Honestly, how bad did they need their wood?

And so by convincing yourself, you begin to walk further towards the lake, careful not to trip on any of the scattered rocks that surround you. By the time you made it down, you were surprised to see just how far you were from other families, most, if not all, of them being directly across the lake. Honestly you wouldn’t have preferred it any other way. 

You didn’t want to seem creepy, but the sight was somewhat comforting, the kids running around in their winter gear while their parents and friends all surrounded their bonfire, sticks and marshmallows in hand.

Not to mention that tonight was a full moon, the milky glow from the moonlight reflecting against the ripples of the lake, and the tiny stars which surrounded the magnet that was the moon only adding to the grand scenery in front of you. Usually you weren’t a sucker for these kinds of things, but wow did it look amazing. The person who’d really enjoy something like this was probably—

“Jungkook,” you breathe out, confused if you were seeing things because there he was, not too far from where you stood, sitting on a giant rock with his feet dangling, careful to not touch the freezing water. His right hand throwing the small pebbles that were near him to the lake. Not too hard, and not too soft. Clearly in his own world. 

A small smile graces your lips, as you watch him continue, the lake not being the only thing the moonlight was hitting. His glimmering doe shaped eyes focused on the view in front of him, and you could only wonder what had him in such deep thought, but instead not wanting to bother, you slowly began to walk back, careful to not to make any loud noises.

One Step. Two Steps. Three Steps. Crrreaaak.

Mentally, you groan at the sound of the branch breaking, hoping that it wasn’t loud enough for him to hear.

“Y/N?” he says unsurely, his attention snapping towards the sound, squinting while trying to make out your figure from afar. Your tensed shoulders drop in response. Deciding that there wasn’t much you could do, you turn around and walk towards him, feeling a little guilty that you’ve probably interrupted his time alone.

He watches as you make your way towards him, scooting to his left in order to make space for you because unbeknown to you, he was not at all bothered by your presence. In fact, he had just been thinking about you along with a question that had been looming over his head for quite some time. And the fact that you somehow managed to appear in this exact moment, almost as if it was fate, only left him in further awe.

“I thought you were asleep,” you chuckle, gently sitting down on the empty spot next to him, slowly rubbing your slightly cut hands together in an attempt to stay warm.

“I was going to sleep, but,” he pauses, “I just couldn’t,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair, “and well why waste such a good view by being in bed, am I right?,” he laughs before quickly noticing the fresh scar on your hand, “What happened?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

You shrug your shoulders in response, “I came to grab some more firewood from Hobi’s car and well long story short, I dropped them and well I got left with this,” you laugh, not taking your tiny injury too seriously.

Opening up your hand to further show him, he carefully examines the pinkish-red scar which was now slightly swollen, sighing in disappointment, “Mm you should’ve gone to go get it disinfected,” he mumbles, slightly shaking his head as he decides that he wasn’t going to lecture you any further, for in the past year he’s learned that even someone as sweet as you, has their own buttons capable of being pushed. 

Having pushed them many, many times before, tonight he just wanted you to feel relaxed and not have to worry about whether he’d say the wrong thing or not. Tonight… well tonight he just wanted for you to seek comfort in his presence, the same way he’d found comfort in yours along the way.

“It doesn’t hurt too much if I’m being honest,” you give him a small reassuring smile, if anything your hands felt more clammy than they did pain. The warm feeling in your chest only expanding to the point where you swore you could feel it at the bottom of your toes. 

Honestly, it was a feeling you found yourself all too familiar with these days, and though you knew what it was, you were also unsure on how to act on it, fearful of ruining the friendship with Jungkook that had gone through several ups and downs this year. And so for you the easiest thing to do was to just avoid thinking about it and avoid talking about it.

But there was no denying that the rush of emotions you’d feel whenever you managed to crack a laugh out of Jungkook to the point where his nose would scrunch so high up that you were sure that those happy days would last forever, or the ticklish butterflies you’d feel in your stomach on movie nights where he’d randomly begin to twirl your hair with his fingers, and the rapid heartbeat you’d feel hitting against your chest after an argument over something so trivial, until of course after several days of the silent treatment, one of you would get over themselves and stubbornly apologize whether it be through words or actions, were nothing but love.

Because even in the good and bad of your friendship, the arguments and the laughs, the tears and the smiles, somehow along the way you had found yourself falling in love with the boy who was nothing more than a stranger a year ago today.

“50 more minutes,” he says under his breath, bringing you back to reality.

Awkwardly you smile, “Yeah…” you breathe, the cold crisp weather causing vapor to come out of your mouth, a sign that you were freezing despite having such a thick sweater on. Jungkook is quick to take notice, offering his own puffy jacket for you to wear, to which you quickly refuse, “Take it, I have a sweater underneath anyway,” he pressures. You find it doubtful that his black cotton turtleneck was going to be sufficient enough for him in this weather. 

You giggle at his sweet gesture, finding it all too endearing, “I’m telling you I’m good,” you laugh, your shivering fingers telling a different story, “Until the clock strikes twelve at least,” you bargain, pushing the sweater in his hand away back towards him, “then I’ll go back to the warm cabin.” 

He looks at you as if unconvinced, but decides to drop it and take your word for it. And if you somehow managed to weasel into staying any longer past 12, then he’d just have to forcefully carry you back to the cabin.

Soon a comfortable silence fills the air, the two of you appreciating not only the view but each other’s presence. How fitting was it that the person you met on New Year’s day last year was going to be the person you ended it with, and begin a whole ‘nother year with.

“Can you believe it’s been one whole year since we’ve met,” he suddenly breaks the silence, almost as if reading your mind. To that you let out a small breathy chuckle, in disbelief yourself. Time had gone both so slow and fast this year, it was fascinating really, how you could be both so aware and unaware that someone’s very own existence was beginning to take such a special place in your heart.

“It feels like,” you pause momentarily, a small gentle smile appearing on your face as you remembered your first encounter with Jungkook, not knowing that it’d only be the beginning to the originally rocky relationship you had with him, “It feels like it was only yesterday.”

December 31, 2018.

New Years Eve.

11:00 PM.

“Only one hour left until the new year everybody!” the DJ shouts onto his mic and over the blasting music of the party you were currently at, “Make sure you grab that special somebody before the clock strikes 12!”

“You heard him y/n, go grab a special somebody,” Hobi teases, the two of you currently sitting at the bar acting as mere spectators to the group of partygoers that were currently having the time of their life on the dance floor.  

For both you and Hobi, this type of setting was a little… how could you describe it … out of place for the two of you, but after weeks of begging from both Jimin and Taehyung and a little added pressure from Namjoon and Yoongi, the two of you now found yourselves here drinking the final night of 2018 away.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny,” you playfully roll your eyes, grabbing the shot glass full of tequila and downing the surprisingly smooth liquor. Hobi follows suit and chugs down his own. A squirmful look on his face following soon after. “Maybe if I drink enough, I’ll find myself dancing just like them,” you laugh, glancing at your group of friends who were currently acting as the life of the party, Jimin busting out what he calls his most “exclusive” moves.

Hobi, unlike him, remains silent which catches your attention. His attention was now on his phone, his face now appearing both red and stressed out. Nosily, you stretch your neck and attempt to peak at what could possibly have your roommate so worried, but Hobi’s quick to catch you. Immediately he pulls his phone towards his chest.

You gasp in dramatic fashion because one, your roommate wasn’t one to keep secrets from you, and two, well you were beginning to feel a little tipsy. “Now what could Jung Hoseok be hiding,” your words come out slightly slurred, a sign that the only thing you should be drinking from this point onward was some water.

“I’m not hiding anything,” he’s quick to respond, back on his phone but this time keeping it out of your reach, his fingers quickly tapping against the glass screen. You could only wonder who it was that had him typing as if his life depended on it.

“Come onnnnn,” you sing, playfully pushing his shoulder, “It can’t be that interesting, considering you don’t do much,” you pout. He looks up from his phone for a moment, but only to shoot you a glare, excusing your teasing with the fact that you were barely holding onto the state of being tipsy and on the brink of being considered drunk.

Hobi’s eyes quickly read the most recent text he’s received, rolling his eyes at whatever it was before sighing in distress, “You really wanna know?” eagerly you nod your head yes, “Well I was hoping he would be here so I could introduce you to him,” he gently shakes his head, clearly disappointed by tonight’s outcome.

“Ooooo who's the special person,” you quirk your brows up and down, but Hobi’s quick to shoot the idea down.

“Oh no, no, it’s not like that,” he laughs, “this person is a..” he pauses, trying to look for the best word to describe his relationship with said person, “Mm I guess we can call him a childhood friend,” he hums, “and well he’s been going through a bit of a tough time right now and well long before me and you ever met, he went out of his way to help me and well I think this time it’s only right that I’m there for him.” you tilt your head, slightly confused as to where this was going, “And sooo,” he sings, “I was hoping that by bringing you here and having you in a fun mood, that I could ask if he could stay at our place for a couple of months…”

You remain silent, Hobi’s words processing through your head one by one, an effect of the alcohol currently running through your system, “Only until he gets used to being in Seoul again, and finds some kind of solid ground here of course,” Hobi throws it in, worried that your silence meant rejection.

“Oh…” you mumble, thinking to yourself for a moment. Hobi’s friend huh? Well you and Hobi were like two peas in a pod, meaning whoever was a friend of his, was a friend of yours, point blank. You trusted that whoever this friend was, and whatever predicament they were in, chose to go to Hobi for the sole reason that Hobi was one of, if not the kindest person you’ve ever met, and was one of the very rare kind of people who made sure that whatever it was a person was going through, that they found a way to overcome it. And well you also assume that Hobi was going to take care of this person’s expenses … right?

You smile once you reach a decision, “Of course they can stay Hobi,” you laugh, a little offended that he thought you’d say no, but glad that he asked anyway.

Immediately Hobi breathes a sigh of relief, glad that he got that out of the way, “But he’s using your bathroom, make sure you tell him that!” you throw in, not wanting the order in which you had your things arranged to be touched with.

Hobi laughs in response, “I’ll make sure to tell Jungkook that,” so that was his name, Jungkook. Not too much of a common name in Korea, interesting, you think.

“So when do I get to meet our new temporary roommate?” you ask in eagerness, curiosity a driving force.

Hobi sighs recalling his text from not too long ago, “Well he was supposed to come here and celebrate tonight, giving you two a chance to meet beforehand, but,” he rereads the message on his phone, hoping the three bubbles would pop up at some point before scoffing and ultimately giving up, locking the screen, “I’m not entirely too sure if he’s going to make it.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you get up from the bar stool and stretch out your arms, yawning in turn, “Mm well I guess I’ll just meet him on move in day,” you joke around, glancing at the time on your phone, “but for now I need to go pee before the countdown, there’s only like 10 minutes left,” you exclaim, surprised by how fast the hour had gone by. Hobi nods in response, getting up himself and making his way to the dance floor, joining your group of friends.

And so you begin to walk towards the ladies’ room, humming yourself a tune over the EDM music that was currently close to rupturing your eardrum. How people liked this kind of music was something you’d never understand, but to each their own right? Luckily you weren’t as drunk as you thought you were, the effects of the tequila only acting as something quick and not long lasting. Now in more of a buzzed state than “drunk”.

“MmmMmmMmm,” you hum, pushing the door of the ladies room and making your way into one of the stalls. But what you saw once you opened the restroom stall was … um …. it was safe to say that you were shocked at the sight in front of you. Shocked to the point where you couldn’t even properly react, not even a shriek coming out of your mouth. 

Instead you just stood there, wide eyed, at the sight of a brown haired woman on her knees, with her hair in a messy ponytail giving um … oral … on what you could only describe as a very very handsome man.

Now if you were to ask if he was really all that into it? Well it seemed a bit unclear considering how the two of you were now having a complete stare down, a shocked expression on your face while he had a stoic one on his, until slowly a small smirk began to appear on his face.

He scoffs before saying, “Enjoying the view?” and with that you finally shriek and quickly close the stall dorm, practically running out the door because not only were you embarrassed by the situation that just happened but still in complete shock.

“Oh my God,” you breathe out, leaning your head against the wall in an attempt to process what just happened. And once you did, you facepalmed yourself in frustration, mad at the reaction you had because God was that embarrassing. 

You had acted as if you’d never seen, hell, as if you’d never done the dirty with someone, but for some reason walking in on someone receiving their um... pleasure… had you feeling like a kid who didn’t know about the birds and the bees. And his little comment only added salt to the wound, he probably thought you were enjoying the view with how long you had stayed there standing like an idiot!

“Start grabbing your partners everyone because the countdown is happening in exactly three minutes everybody! Three minutes till we enter 2019!” Three minutes?! You had to find your friends quick! Pushing off what happened to the back of your mind, you speed walk back to the main sector of the club, looking through the crowd of people in hopes of finding at least one of your friends.

“Where could he b—Ah!” you impulsively squeal once you spot Hobi along with the rest of your friends, quickly making your way towards them, Hobi spotting you as well.

“There you are! What took you so long?” Hobi asks, but just as you’re about to answer, a voice from behind interrupts.

“I caught traffic, and well parking was a bitch,” the voice, all too familiar, sends a feeling of panic through your body because turning to face the owner of said voice, was just as surprising as the scene you walked in on only moments ago.

“Y/N! This is Jungkook, Jungkook this is Y/N, my roommate I was telling you about,” Hobi shouts over the music, and all you can do is stare at the man in front of you wide eyed. Your mouth slightly agape in shock, while Jungkook on the other hand has a teasing grin on his face, as only the two of you knew what had transpired in the ladies’ restroom. He sticks his hand out for you to shake and you notice the small number of tattoos that cover his hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we got one minute on the clock! Start saying your goodbyes to 2018, and get ready to say hello to 2019!” The DJ shouts excitedly, lowering the music for the countdown that’s about to begin.

“Earth to Y/N?” Hobi says waving his hand in front of you, having left Jungkook with his hand open for quite some time now.

“Oh,” you say, bringing yourself back to reality and shaking his hand in return, but the moment you do he brings you in for a small friendly hug, “What a small world,” he whispers into your ear, winking at you as he pulls away.

Hobi, unaware of how you two originally met, rolls his eyes, “Hey, hey hey, she’s our roommate not some girl you can go messing around with,” Hobi says, “Now come on you two, there’s only 15 seconds left!” gently he shoves the two of you towards your groups of friends who were now wearing their New Year’s props which included giant sunglasses, feathered boa’s, and more.

“In 10, 9, 8 , 7, 6…” everyone begins to scream the numbers of the countdown, 2018 clearly leaving with a bang, “5,4,3!” you suddenly feel an arm wrap over your shoulder, and like in the movies a part of you expected it to be the man you just met, but thankfully enough it was Jimin who was clearly drunk, excited, and in clear need of catching his balance. But of course that didn’t mean someone didn’t have their eyes on you from afar…

“2, 1! Happy New Year!” The fog machine erupts and the strings of golden confetti begin to fall from the club’s ceiling. Cheers to the New Year.

Clutching your stomachs in laughter, the two of you poke fun at the recollection of that fatal first encounter, “I really walked in on you getting,” you heave in such a way that you’re incapable of completing the sentence, genuine laughter filling the air.

“Hey, you were the one who stood there like you’d never seen a—” playfully you push his shoulder before even he gets the chance to finish his own sentence.

“Like what you see?” you exaggeratingly mimic his voice from that night, lowering your voice by several octaves. He cries out in laughter, tears now forming in the corners of his eyes, feeling cringe at his choice of words from a year ago today. Who did he think he was? “The woman didn’t even bother to look up! Clearly you had her enamored in what she was doing!” you tease, and in response he wraps his arms around you in a playful manner, telling you that he didn’t want to hear any more.

“What even happened when I left?” you ask, curious to know the answer considering you only knew what you did afterwards.

“Well I overheard the DJ yell about the countdown so I had to cut it short, and well we exchanged numbers. I mean it wasn’t at all a drunk hookup or anything, I was sober, she was sober. I think I went out with her once afterward, but,” he shrugs his shoulders, “It was just meant to be a one time thing I guess,” he mumbles, shaking his head in slight shame and embarrassment. See a year ago, hookups like that were the norm for him, but a year ago he was also nothing like the person he was now. Was it for the better? He’d like to think so.

Shaking your head, you mumble, “To think our relationship would only get worse,” you stare at him accusingly, “no thanks to you!” He stays silent, not bothering to deny the accusation.

“Hey you didn’t make it any easier!” he huffs, “Do you need help with that? What’s that? I don’t think that should be placed there,” he mocks your questions from that day many months ago, move in day.  

“I was just trying to be nice! Make things less awkward, you know?” you feel your cheeks get red, now seeing how pushy you had probably been.

He scoffs, “No you just didn’t want your things invaded with mine,” it was now your turn to stay silent.

“Mm,” you hum.

January 2019.

“I don’t think that should go there,” you whisper to Hobi, watching Jungkook place more of his things around your apartment, secretly hoping it was the last batch. 

This had to at least be your 15th complaint today, but what bothered Jungkook more was that not only wouldn’t you tell it to his face, but they’d be said in such a superficial tone. He didn’t care if you were trying to be “nice”, it sounded fake and prissy and he’d prefer it if you could just shut up for one moment. People like you were just so… annoying, and to think he thought you were cute.

“Do you need help?” your voice interrupts his train of thought, your figure now looming over his shoulder, and attempting to look at the content of his cardboard boxes. Harshly, he closes the flaps, momentarily scowling at you before taking a deep breath and putting on his best face.

“No it’s fine, I’m almost done but thank you though,” he says, now his turn to be superficial.

“Oh well just let me know if you need anything,” you smile, as unbeknownst to Jungkook, you really were just this nice of a person. Yeah, things may still be a little awkward on your part because of what happened on New Years Eve, you of course having to pep talk yourself several times in the mirror this morning, but to you it was important you established some kind of friendship with your new roommate. Even if he wasn’t going to be here for long.

“I’m gonna go get us takeout,” Hobi announces, not only tired but hungry from having helped Jungkook carry his stuff upstairs to the apartment floor all day, because out of all days in the year, today the elevator just had to be out of service. “I’ll be back,” he says, grabbing his keys from the counter and making his way out. Leaving you and Jungkook to yourselves.

An awkward silence fills the living room air, Jungkook currently taking a small break on the long couch, while you sit on the short one, fidgeting with your fingers. Maybe you should make conversation? It wouldn’t hurt right?  

“So Jungkook,” you begin nervously, he looks up from his phone and places his attention on you, a stoic expression on his face, “um..”, you mentally scold yourself for not already having a question prepared before speaking, “where are you from?”

Furrowing his eyebrows, he scoffs, “Korea?” he says, as if stating the obvious.

Feeling flustered, you reiterate your question, “No I mean like where did you move from, you know…” your voice lowers at the end.

He sighs before responding, his attention now back on his phone, “I was in the states for a while, but I’m originally from Busan.”

Immediately you light up, seeing this as an opportunity to further the conversation, “Oh I have a friend from there, I don’t know if you met him on New Years, but his name is Jimin!” you excitedly ramble, “He was the one with the dirty blonde hair, black turtleneck, sparkly jac—”

“Yeah I know,” Jungkook rudely interrupts, now getting up from the couch and walking towards his new room, “Let me know when Hobi’s back, yeah? I’m freaking starving,” and with that he enters his room and shuts the door, leaving you slightly taken back.  

“Will do,” you quietly mumble to yourself, a little hurt to say the least by his cold action. Shrugging it off, you excuse it by assuming he was just grumpy. You were sure that he'd be more open to having conversation after settling his things in.

That night after cleaning a couple of your own things, and eating the food Hobi had brought, you remained in bed and on your laptop, Youtube surfing the rest of the night away. That was of course until you heard the sound of your restroom door opening and closing. Right away you get up, already knowing what transpired, but wanting to see the mess that was most likely made with your own two eyes.

Walking into your restroom, you’re immediately hit with the scent of your strawberry shampoo and lavender body wash mixed in with the foggy steam that was created, a result of an extremely hot shower. The sink, a travesty to look at, was spilled with water all over and you did not even want to get started on the “manly” products that were now side to side with yours behind the mirror’s cabinet. Meanwhile, your hair brush was covered in strands of dark brown hair that clearly weren’t yours. But the final straw? Finding the cap of your $100 dollar serum halfly screwed closed with remnants dripping down the bottle.

Shutting the cabinet, you practically stomp out of your restroom and immediately towards Jungkook’s door. Raising your hand to knock, you take in a deep breath, reminding yourself to be calm. Maybe Hobi didn’t tell him anything about using your restroom. This was only going to be a one time thing until you cleared it out with him.

Gently, you knock on his door, patiently awaiting his response. You could hear the sound of muffled music playing in the background, meaning it was probably much louder inside the room than out. Raising your hand to knock again, the door swings open just as you’re about to tap against the black wooden door. A shirtless Jungkook with your baby blue towel wrapped around his waist.

“Yes?” he smugly says, your cheeks almost an embarrassing shade of crimson. It’s hard to not look at what’s in front of you, but you manage.

“Oh um—” you fluster your words, “um —” you gulp before finding your words again, “I was hoping Hobi had told you about the bathroom situation…but um..I guess he didn’t so um yeah, my bathroom is only for me to us—”

“He did,” he cuts you off,  huffing a small laugh.

“He what?” you asked, unsure of what he was referring to, or at least acting dense about it because you did not want to believe that the shirtless boy in front of you completely disregarded the simple rule he was supposed to follow.

“He told me about the whole bathroom rearrangement, buuuuttt,” he teases, “your restroom has the bigger shower and well add strawberry scented shampoo and lavender body wash into the mix and honestly it was a done deal for me,” he stretches his arms above himself, dramatically yawning, his abdomen stretching out in such a way that the towel on his waist was barely clinging onto its dear life.

“But—But—”

“But what?” he cocks his head to the side, amused by your panicked behavior, “It’s also the closest one to me so,” he shrugs his shoulders, “Well if that’s all you came here for then, goodnight,” he winks at you before turning around and slamming the door once again.

You stand there bewildered by what just happened, your mouth agape in shock. Did that really just happen or? Because if it did then he practically just told you that he didn’t give one single fuck.

Making your way back to your room, you’re unsure on how to feel about everything that just happened because sure you’ve encountered your fair share of rude people before but to live with one was a completely different story. And Jungkook wasn’t only rude, he was the smug kind, the “I know I’m good looking, so I can treat anyone the way I want to because my good looks will let me get away with it,” type of rude. Was it a little specific? Yes. But it’s true. Honestly, it was the type of person you thought only existed in rom-coms but clearly they exist in real life. Jungkook being a prime example of such an attitude.

“Just a couple of months,” you breathe out, throwing yourself onto your bed in exasperation, “until he gets settled down in Seoul,” you repeat Hobi’s words from New Years Eve to yourself, sighing before allowing slumber to sweep over you.  

“So much for a couple of months,” you tease Jungkook, nudging his shoulder a little bit because a year later and he was still your roommate, and ironically it was you and Hobi who practically begged him to stay.

He scrunches his nose, “ I don’t see you complaining.”

You raise your hands in defense, “I’m just kiddinnn,” you sing, “What would I do without your buttermilk pancakes huh?” you grin at him, his eyes rolling playfully in return.

“Is that all you want from me? Pancakes!” he chuckles, “Ah I should’ve known,” he shakes his head. The two of you giggle at each other’s banter, his high pitched laugh truly infectious.

“What do you think y/n and Jungkook from the beginning of 2019 would think of this scene right now?” you ask, knowing the answer.

Jungkook ponders at the question for a moment before letting out a deep breath and answering, “Mm I think they’d have a hard time believing what’s in front of them, at least I would. I think you would be happy to see that your goal in becoming friends with your new roommate worked out just fine. It just took a bit of time was all…”

February 2019.

To say that you were struggling to live with Jungkook would probably be the biggest understatement of the year. From the constant use of your things without permission, to the blatant rude remarks he’d constantly throw at you, to the days where he’d be completely cold to you and the rest of the world, and don’t even let you get started on the constant women he’d bring over. You’d have to invest in some ear plugs soon if it kept going at the rate it was because at this point you knew Jungkook liked it um … rough … so to speak.  

You found yourself asking Hobi, “Has he settled down yet?” wayyyy too often. Sometimes it felt like Jungkook was purposely baiting you to stoop to his level, like as if he was itching to play a game of cat and mouse. And so for you to continuously suck it up and put on a fake smile for him, only made him do more things to bother you. 

He was like a mosquito pestering you at the back of your neck. He wouldn’t stop until he got his fangs, or whatever it was that mosquitos used to bite, into you. For what reason? You truly did not know, for you have been nothing but nice to him since the day he moved in.

You often wondered how Hobi could put up with it, you mean Jungkook wasn’t exactly mean to Hobi, but he did throw remarks and eye rolls here and there. The best way to describe it was that Jungkook was treating you two like punching bags, and a part of you wanted to know why? Not only why, but where? Where is Jungkook from? Why was he in the states? What made him come back? Why can’t he go back to Busan? Does he have family? How does Hobi even know the dude? Why does Jungkook wake up with a stick up his ass every morning? Why was Jungkook angry at the world and when did he decide that he was going to take it out on you two, especially you. Honestly you were unsure if you’d ever get answers to your questions, but it wouldn’t matter in a couple of weeks when he was gone, right?

Luckily though the only times you really did see Jungkook was on weekends, and even then if you weren’t out doing some nightly festivities then he was. Or while you went grocery shopping he was working out or something, Not to mention that weekdays you worked AM shifts at your job while Jungkook, who had been hooked up with a job at one of the coffee shop’s Hobi managed, worked afternoon to night shifts. 

This meant that whenever you were going to work, Jungkook was catching up on his sleep and vice versa. But occasionally when you two did bump paths, let’s say going to your restroom, he definitely used those opportunities to try and get under your skin. Each and every time, failing to do so.

But today something was different. You weren’t sure if it was because as you were driving to work, coffee spilled onto your shirt at a speed bump because someone stole your favorite coffee thermo which had a securable lid. This then caused you to be 30 minutes late which then resulted in you receiving your first ever official warning. Or maybe it was because you had to not only stay an extra 30 minutes, but an extra hour because someone’s late night hook up the night prior kept you up and completely unfocused. You personally had chosen to go to sleep than stay up and listen to some girl screaming about how much deeper she wanted it while trying to type up your monthly report. And then of course who could forget the cherry on top? Coming back home to that same certain someone, and having to deal with the accusations that you stole his banana milk.

“I didn’t steal anything,” you mumble, warming up the japchae Hobi had left for you on the stove. Jungkook gets up and opens the fridge door, dramatically showing you the empty spot where his banana milk was usually at.

“Well someone did, and Hobi says it wasn’t him and well I trust Hobi so,” Jungkook shrugs, looking at you with a deadpan look on his face. Sadly, Hobi probably asleep already, tired from what you assumed was a long day of work and the thing about Hobi was once he went to sleep there was no waking him up. That boy could sleep through the world ending, “I don’t exactly think it’s beneath you to steal my things…” he says, each one of his words dripping with venom.

You?! Stealing his things?! When he’s the one who's been taking your things left and right?? If he had caught you on any other day, you probably would’ve shrugged his accusations off, hell you might’ve even taken the blame and offer to buy him a new pack. But right now, you could feel your blood almost boiling. How dare he!

“I,” your voice rises, completely ready to go off on the boy, until you hear a door slam, Hobi coming out completely groggy and clearly annoyed.

“Will you two just,” his voice is heavy, sighing in frustration, “Y/N just go and eat in your room,” he says, feeling like a parent to two fighting siblings.

“But—” you’re about to fight your case, until Hobi interrupts.

“Y/N…” he looks at you in despair, his tone a clear indicator that he wasn’t mad, he wasn’t annoyed, he was just tired. You grab your food from the stove, having to pass by Jungkook as you leave the kitchen.

“Was little miss saccharine finally going to pop?” he scoffs, the two of you momentarily having a stare down, until quickly you compose yourself, the fake smile he knew all too well back on your face.

“Goodnight Jungkook,” you say, before making your way back into your room, peeved that Hobi scolded you and not Jungkook, that was until you heard the sound of muffled voices through your closed door. 

If you wanted to get a better listen you were going to have to crack open the door without making a single sound, something that would be embarrassing if you managed to fail. Deciding that you were too nosy for your own good, you thankfully succeed in doing so, their voices sounding much clearer to your ears.    

“You know she’s having a bad day, and yet—” you hear the sound of Hobi flapping his arms in despair, “and yet you still make her your target of the day,” he says.

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook asks, his voice telling you that he was ready to go on the defense.

“Jungkook let’s not act dense,” Hobi says, “What are we in preschool? You have some crush, and think being mean will get you your way with her?” Hobi accuses, which Jungkook immediately denies.

“She wishes,” he mumbles in return, “I treat her like I treat everyone,” he clarifies, almost sounding proud.

“No you treat her worse,” Hobi adds, “if you’re not giving her some backhanded compliment then you’re completely giving her the cold shoulder. I probably only get half of what she does, and even I’m getting fed up with it, so I could only imagine how she feels,” he sighs, “but Y/N is a very very nice person, and since that first day I met her in till even today, I have never seen her get mad at anyone, but you my friend are,” he pauses, trying to think of the best way to describe it, “well you’re pushing buttons that I’ve never seen pushed.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Yeah because her whole act of “I’m miss goody two shoes and can never even hurt a fly” act is such bullshit,” he drops his air quotes, “a grown ass woman acting like telling someone off will add some kind of dent to the image I’m sure has taken her a very long time to build.”

With every word he says, you could feel your stomach drop further and further down. The lump in your throat desperate to be let out. “She probably has you and the rest of the world fooled, but I can see right through it. It’s people like her who will lie to your face, and tell you everything you want to hear because they don’t want to be painted out as some bad guy. And let me tell you people like that are much worse than me because at least I have the balls to tell it like it is to someone’s face rather than protect my own ego, ” he finishes his rant, the veins on his neck faintly popping.

Hobi remains silent for a moment, taking in everything Jungkook said, then pushing his hair back with his hand, an indicator that he was stressed, “Look man, I’m letting you stay here so you can get back on your feet, and because you didn’t want go back to Busan,” he sighs, knowing he’s stepping on broken glass, “I don’t know what happened over there in the states, and I’m not gonna ask about it because I’m sure you’ll talk about it the day you’re ready to,” he pauses, “But what I do know is that you’re right, Y/N does fake her persona from time to time…” you feel your heart drop, while Jungkook’s face goes smug. That is until Hobi continued with what he was saying, “But the same way I’m not gonna ask you about why you came back to Korea a completely cold person, I’m not gonna question why she acts the way it does, especially because it's not hurting anyone.”

“Of course you wo—”

Hobi cuts him off before he can continue, “Let me finish,” he sternly says, his brows knitted, “But as long she keeps letting her feelings build up the way I’m assuming they are, and you keep acting the way you are now then—” he sighs, “There’s going to be a day where the water in the pot is going to boil over and well I don’t wanna be here when it happens,” his presses his lips together, shaking his head at the mere idea, “All I ask for Jungkook is that you try to be a little nicer to her, just for once. I think the two of you would actually be pleasantly surprised at how much in common you have,” Jungkook tries his best to bite his tongue, seeing just how tired his friend looked, “Maybe not even nice to her, just decent. Can you do me that favor?”

Jungkooks lets out a huff of air before silently nodding his head yes, Hobi giving him a small smile in return, “Thanks Jungkook, now I can actually go to sleep instead of hearing you two bicker,” he says before tapping on his shoulder and going back into his room. You, on the other hand, quickly wipe any droplets that fall from your eyes, closing the door before Hobi could notice the crack that was there.

Jungkook sits in the kitchen chair for a while, reflecting on the lecture Hobi just gave him. Hating that the feeling of guilt was beginning to seep in because unlike Hobi, before his little lecture, Jungkook knew that there had been a pair of ears listening in and he knew you could hear every word that came out of his mouth as your little attempt to crack open the door wasn’t as slick as you thought it was ….he just hadn’t cared.

“Just be decent,” Jungkook whispers to himself before turning off the kitchen lights and heading to bed. The two of you lying in your own beds at night, a lot on each other's mind.

“And to think Hobi ended up predicting everything that was going to happen,” Jungkook shakes his head, remembering his friend’s warning to him.

“That’s our Hobi,” you laugh, “always one step ahead, well when he wants to be of course,” you add, a small chuckle coming out of Jungkook’s mouth in response.

“You think he knew what he was doing the whole time?” Jungkook asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Like in terms of allowing everything to play out, you know? Because if he wanted to he could’ve kicked me out from the beginning…” you ponder on his question for a bit, thinking back to Hobi’s role in this whole tale.

“Mm I think he knew but was probably unsure the whole time, you know? Unsure if things would work out the way he set em up to be, I don’t know if he’ll ever tell us but…” you pause, “I think he knew what he was doing from the moment he told you that you could live with us, and I definitely think it was bullshit on his part when he said that he didn’t know what happened to you in the states,” you laugh because you could picture Hobi doing his own research on Google late at night, “So I guess he just knew that there were two people in his life in desperate need of a…” you look for the right word to describe it.

“Reality check?” Jungkook fills in for you, but you shake your head no.

“Mm,” you hum, “No, I dont think thats the way to put it, hmm, how about this…” you pause one last time before continuing, wanting to make sure you said everything correctly, “Hobi had two pieces to a puzzle that needed to connect together in order to complete said puzzle, but after lots of tosses and turns in their box well the two pieces just didn’t fit together anymore. In fact they refused to even try and fit with another, deciding that they were going to live with their new flaps and dents, and ignoring the fact that in order to complete the puzzle they needed to come together,” you let out a small laugh, “and so Hobi took a gamble, and decided to leave the pieces alone for the time being, in hopes that maybe, just maybe with a little bit more tosses and turns they’d realize that by coming together they’d be left with nothing but a beautiful image to show,” a warm smile appears on your face, “Yeah I think I like how that sounds, what do you think?” you turn to face Jungkook who was staring at you with his doe-eyed expression, completely speechless.

“Or was I too wordy?” you laugh, “I reached didn’t I?” you begin to ramble, “Ah I really need to—” suddenly you feel a cold finger pressed against your lips, Jungkook sounding a tiny “shh” soon after.

“I think it was perfect,” Jungkook softly whispers, what could only be described as a loving smile on his face. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear, feeling your cold face get warmed up due to the heat that was rising from your cheeks. Reminding you of a memory from only months ago…

March 2019.

“Remind me why I’m going again?” you walk out of the hallway and into the living room, heels clicking against the wooden floor.

“Because you are tonight’s designated driver,” Hobi reminds you, “and well we all don’t fit in Seokjin’s mini cooper so there’s that,” he laughs. You sigh in return, looking at your reflection for the 100th time tonight. “Jungkook, you almost ready?” Hobi shouts from the living room, not keen on his friend’s habit of always getting ready at the last minute.

Tonight was one of, if not the only, rare occasions that both you and Jungkook would be at an outing together, and even then Hobi was always with you two, acting as the facilitator. Jungkook and you usually parted your separate ways the moment you’d arrive somewhere, especially at parties. And so today you didn’t really expect anything different. 

It had been about a month since Hobi’s little lecture to Jungkook, and in a way it did have some kind of positive effect on Jungkook. These days he was now much more quiet and reserved, and honestly you preferred the cold shoulder over the constant attitude so you were definitely not complaining.

You were even surprised this morning when you found your bathroom products to be completely replaced by new bottles, including your serum! Of course they had been slightly used, meaning Jungkook wasn’t going to let go of his grip on them just yet, but at least it meant that he had the decency to realize that if he was going to be using them all the time, then it was only right that he occasionally paid for them. 

Even last week when you heard him mumble a small, “that was good, thank you,” after making gyeran-mari’s for breakfast, you had to look at Hobi for confirmation that it really happened. Hell, he had even stopped constantly bringing women over, instead beginning to work out more often as you would now hear his grunts come from doing sit ups than from doing um… yeah. It looked like he even had a knack for boxing because you soon noticed how he’d come back home with hands wrapped in bandages or his gloves stringing along his duffel bag. Honestly, it was a little hot, but you’d rather die before admitting that to anyone.

“Ah I’m done, I’m done,” a voice comes out the hallway, Jungkook balancing on his right foot in a rush to put on his left shoe. Tonight he was dressed a little differently than his usual self, replacing his usual black attire and black combat boots for a more club friendly look of ripped blue jeans, black ankle boots, and a black fitted t-shirt. Of course not straying too far from his personal style. The new tattoo he had gotten recently was also in clear view tonight, his sleeve coming along quite nice in your opinion. He had recently even gotten his hair permed, allowing it to grow out longer than what you were used to seeing. It was crazy what a difference hair could make because it definitely made him look … better, in your eyes at least. 

All this change on his part, honestly made you feel a little dull, but that’d be something to dwell on for another day. For now, you just wanted to get tonight over with. The faster you got there, the quicker you could leave, and the earlier you could be in bed.  

“You took a whole ass hour for this?” Hobi eyes Jungkook up and down. Jungkook is quick to shoot him an offended look, while you on the other hand are struggling to suppress a laugh, “I’m not saying you look bad, in fact you look amazing, but this should not take you an hour!” Jungkook rolls his eyes, combing a hand through his hair.

“Are we going to get going or what?” he says, his cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment.

Once you all arrived, you were quick to meet up with the rest of your friends, everyone having pitched in for bottle service. Jungkook, who had become pretty cool with the rest of everyone, sat between Yoongi and Namjoon, all three of them laughing at God knows what. The bottle they had bought almost halfway done. 

You on the other hand, were just watching everyone, the only person besides yourself who wasn’t drunk was Seokjin, and even then he was too busy with his new girlfriend to pay you any attention. Not that you really minded considering she really was a kind person and well who could blame Seokjin for being head over heels. They even shared the same humor, something that was quite rare to find.

You weren’t sure if it was because tonight the club seemed extra packed, or maybe the dress you were wearing was feeling a little too tight or maybe it was the stench of all alcohol getting to you but something definitely fell off. And you did not like it one bit.

“Hey I’m gonna go out back and get some fresh air outside,” you tell Hobi over the music, giving you a small nod in acknowledgement, the boy was clearly very drunk. The moment you stepped out, you definitely did feel better, the crispy fresh air outside almost making you feel as if you were breathing for the first time. That was until you heard the sound of someone arguing.

“I saw you dancing with her! Stop trying to gaslight me into thinking you weren’t!” a woman screams, very much in distress by who you assumed was her boyfriend, “God, I knew I should’ve listened to my mom, you are a pig! And I deserve a man who's going to—

“What did you just say?” he grabs her by the arm, his atrocious grip surely going to cause her a bruise later on.

“Let go of me!” she cries, as he then grabs her by the hair, ready to toss her to the floor and do whatever else he wanted to do with her. You feel your breathing become heavier, watching the scene unfold in front of you, unsure of what to do. You were scared and you didn’t know how to defend yourself, let alone someone else. But you also knew that God forbid you were ever in that situation, you wouldn't want someone turning a blind eye on you, so you did what was only right.

“Hey!” you scream while walking towards the couple, catching the man’s attention, “Let go of her before I—”

“Before you what?” he lets go of her hair, now walking towards you as well. The woman watches you with shaky eyes, having never guessed that her savior would be a woman in black string heels and a face that for the most part was not at all intimidating.

You reach into your purse, hoping to get a feel for either your taser or pocket knife, but of course, of fucking course, on all days of the year it was no where to be found. Nonetheless, you muster up your courage and respond, “Before I call security,” you say, trying your best to sound confident.

He laughs, dramatically looking around to show you that no one around was here to help, “Anyone ever teach you to mind your fucking business, like how a woman should,” you gulp, almost losing balance while taking a step back as he only gets closer, “Huh?! Anyone every fucking teach you that?” he closes in on you, your back soon hitting the wall that was behind you.

“Just leave her alone!” the woman screams in hysteria.

“You stay the fuck out of it! You’re the whole reason she’s in this mess,” he mutters, his words completely slurred and his breath reeking like alcohol. You almost feel like vomiting at the accidental whiff you take because wow was this man just disgusting.

“See maybe if you would’ve just gone about your day, you wouldn’t be here right now,” he makes a ticking sound with his mouth, mocking you, “but” he sighs, “I guess whores just have to stick with each other, huh?” he grabs you by the scalp of your hair, this time not hesitating to throw you to the ground.

“Oh my—” the woman screams, panic flowing through her veins.

“Go!” you yell at her, giving her the chance to escape even if it meant sacrificing your own wellbeing. She hesitates for a moment before running, the sound of her heels tapping against the pavement was one of the last things you could hear before the ringing in your ears became all too much. 

You look at your hands for a moment, the stinging feeling almost unbearable as they had taken most of the impact of the fall, along with your knees. A part of you hoped he had left, that he had somehow magically disappeared or that you’d wake up to find that this was nothing more than a nightmare. But it wasn’t until you felt the grip of his hand on your hair again, that you’d come to realize the reality of your situation and that there was absolutely no one to help you.

The man lifts up his free hand, building power for the punch he was preparing to throw, as you could only throw your arms in front yourself in an attempt to minimize the impact of the punch. By now tears were falling from freely your eyes, small whimpers and sniffles coming out of fear. The final words you hear being spat from his mouth were, “you stupid bitch,” and in your head you count to three, waiting for the feeling of his fist against your face. But it never came.

Instead you feel the release of his hand on your scalp, and when you open your eyes you find him on the ground, not completely knocked out but he might as well be with just how out of it he looked. And though you weren’t drunk, you almost felt as if you were because absolutely everything around you was overlapping, hardly able to see anything in clear focus. But what you could make out was that there was a figure, and by the build you assume was a man, now sitting over the drunkard, throwing several punches at him. His goal was either to knock the man out or make sure he suffered every way possible before knocking him out.  

You stand there for a moment in shock as you hear the person’s voice, a voice that was all too familiar, “I dare you to fucking lay a hand on her again, I fucking dare you!” Jungkook yells, throwing another punch at the man, “Who the fuck do you think you are?” slowly your vision becomes clearer as you wipe away the tears that had been blocking your vision, and soon you realize if Jungkook kept going at the rate he was, the man was going to be killed.

Quickly you run towards Jungkook, attempting to grab his right arm before he swings again, “Jungkook stop!” you yell, but instead he pushes your arm away, too caught up in his rage to think straight. The drunk man looked as if he was barely holding on, blood now all over his face. “I said stop!” you yell at the top of your lungs, the veins on your neck popping. Jungkook, panting, looks up at you, momentarily stopping. “Just stop,” you cry, wanting this nightmare to be over.

Jungkook looks at the barely conscious man one more time, pulling him by the collar of his shirt so that he’d get a good look of him, “If I ever see you again, I won’t hesitate to—”

“Jungkook,” you stop him from finishing his sentence.

He sighs, “Just be glad she’s here because scum like you deserve to fucking rot,” he says, letting go of the man’s collar and allowing his head to hit the pavement. He gets up from his position and begins to pat his black shirt of any dirt, catching his breath along the way. “You okay?” he asks, intensely staring at you.

But before you could respond, a voice screams, “Hey!” the two of you look up at said voice, only to find a security guard with a flashlight in his hand and his walky talky on the other.

Jungkook quickly grabs you by the hand, causing you to wince at the sudden touch, “Come on,”  he says, pulling you to follow him.

He leads you back to the parking lot, confusion evidently on your face. It wasn’t until you turned back to find several security guards following after you that everything began to click together, panic now flowing through your veins. Hurriedly, you grab Hobi’s keys from your purse and unlock the door, your heart beating out of your chest.

Jungkook quickly hops in the passenger seat, his head throbbing from the amount of drinks he’s had, watching as you struggle to put the key in the ignition, clearly in a state of anxiousness. He yanks the keys from your hands and places them in himself, “Now drive!” he shouts, causing you to step ferociously on the gas pedal. Burning tire as you race off the parking lot.  

“God my head is fucking killing me,” Jungkook complains, his blood stained hands resting on his temple. By now the two of you were heading back home, Jungkook having texted Hobi through your phone that he was going to have to get a ride from Seokjin. For the situation you two were just in had required an immediate escape.

You on the other hand were driving in complete silence, still in a state of shock of what just happened. Jungkook having to constantly remind you that you were driving, several instances of you zoning out at a stop light happening way too often for his liking.

“I am way too drunk for this shit,” he mutters under his breath, the reality of what just happened beginning to kick in. The queasy feeling in his stomach became more and more unbearable with every turn you took. And don’t even get him started on his throat, which was currently as dry as the Sahara Desert. “Is there some kind of water in this car?” he asks, beginning to look through the car console and glove compartment.

“I don’t,” you pause and sigh, “I don’t know.”

“Then pull over here,” he deadpans.

You furrow your brows in confusion, “What?”

“Pull over,” he repeats, his patience running out.

Not questioning him a second time, you do exactly that, pulling over at the side of some park near your apartment. Jungkook takes in a deep breath before opening the door and sticking his head out, seconds later the sound of him vomiting making you feel as queasy as he did.

“Oh God,” you mumble to yourself, just wanting to be in bed already. But of course that wasn’t going to happen because soon enough Jungkook was getting out of the car and going to God knows where. “Where are you going?” you shout, as he walks towards the park.

“I need water,” he says, “You coming or what?” you contemplate on whether to follow him or not, before ultimately exiting the car and locking it. With the way he was stumbling his footsteps, it was better safe than sorry to follow him.

“BogoShipda!” Jungkook sings loudly to the trees in the park, all of the alcohol he drank at the club still running through his system. You stare at him in surprise, having never seen him act like this before, as he continues to sing.

“Now where’s a water fountain when you need one,” he mumbles, the darkness of the night sky making it hard for him to scan his surrounding area. You found yourself feeling a little scared in fact. The silhouette of the trees and the sound of the wind softly pushing against the branches only making the atmosphere more scary.

“Ah there it is!” Jungkook slurs his words, sounding like a kid at a carnival. Once he’s in front of the fountain, he pushes against the button, the water sprouting out of the fountainhead. You stare at him in silence as he hadn’t crouched down to drink yet, thus confusing you.

It wasn’t until you felt a tug at your hand and the sting of the water hitting against your scrapes that you felt like punching him. “What are you doing?” you ask, trying your best not to sound too peeved.

He looks at you before rolling his eyes, “What do you think I’m doing? I’m cleaning your hands,” he signals for you to give him your other hand, and without thinking you comply.

“I could’ve done this at home,” you say.

“I know, but the longer we wait the higher chance it'll end up getting infected by dirt so,” he looks at you with a know it all expression, and you mumble a small “I guess,” under your breath, the stinging sensation soon enough replaced by a cool one, your hands no longer feeling as rusty.

It isn’t until he’s finished that he takes a sip of water, exhaling a small “ahh” sound after downing several gulps. “Come on,” he grabs your hand again, leading you to a park bench with a small lamppost right next to it, providing a smooth yellow dim light.

“Why are we—”

“I just want to sit for a moment without the movement of a car, just for a bit,” he exhales a heavy breath, manspreading on the bench and throwing his head back, “just for a bit,” he repeats, his voice soft.

The two of you sit there in silence, “Why are you staring at me?” he asks with his eyes closed, feeling your intense stare.  

“I’m not—I’m not staring,” you stutter, he hums in response. Silence fills the air again, until Jungkook mumbles something that at first is inaudible.

“What?” you ask.

“I said I’m ˢᵒʳʳʸ,” you look at him confused, were you hearing him correctly?

“Wait what?” you ask again, it wasn’t your intention to come off as pushy nor pretentious but you were just seriously surprised as to what you were hearing.

He grumbles before repeating himself, “I said,” he drops his shoulders, “I said I’m sorry.” He opens his eyes to look at you, his usual smug behavior nowhere to be found on his face, he was being completely serious.

“Oh…” you pause for a moment before continuing, “Can I ask for what? I’m not trying to be mean or anything or act dense. I seriously just don’t know why,” you make sure you add those claims at the end, feeling as if you were walking on eggshells.

He looks at you momentarily before placing his view on the trees in front of you, “For not getting there earlier,” he mutters, as if disappointed with himself, “I went out because Hobi had told me to go check up on you, but,” he stays silent for a moment before continuing, clenching his jaw, “at first I sorta shrugged him off when he asked me, it wasn’t until he asked me second time that I actually went outside,” his voice shakes a bit and you notice that his eyes become slightly glossy, “and then a woman came running up to me rambling about someone about to get beaten up, but the last person I thought she was talking about was you,” he exhales loudly before continuing, trying his best to maintain his composure, “but either way I ran towards wherever she was pointing at, and that’s when I saw you on the floor,” his voice cracks, “and I just keep replaying everything in my head, and I just—” he closes his eyes and shakes his head, “I’m just sorry and I felt like you deserved to know that,” he concludes, a tear falling from his face.

And maybe it was because he was drunk, or maybe he just really did feel bad, but to see Jungkook this vulnerable was different to say the least. It was almost humanizing in some aspects.

Jungkook expected you to scream at him, to tell him that it was his fault you were put in that situation. That he could’ve prevented it from happening, that because of him you almost got beat to a bloody pulp.

No, in fact he doesn't expect you to, he wants you to. It’s what he deserves to hear from you. Had it not been for him and his ego, he would’ve gone out there the moment Hobi had asked him to, and you would’ve never had to deal with that drunk excuse of a human being to begin with. Or was the alcohol in his system just seriously getting to him because God did he feel sick.

“Jungkook it’s not your fault,” you begin, but Jungkook who's still looking at the trees, refuses to make eye contact. “Hey look at me,” you demand, tugging his hand in an effort to get him to look at you. When he does so, you continue, “That man was going to attack me whether you came or not because a weak man like that will attack the easiest target,” you state, a small chuckle escaping your lips, “It was no one’s fault but his, you hear me?” you squeeze his hand, “Not yours, not mine, not Hobi’s, not the lady, no one. Absolutely no one.”

More tears begin to fall from his bloodshot eyes, “You don’t get it y/n,” he shakes his head, “You don’t what that man could’ve done to you in that time I wasn’t there, you could’ve been killed for God’s sake,” he attempts to say it firmly, but his voice betrays him by whimpering in the end.

“But he didn’t!” you say, and without thinking you place his hand on your cheek, “I’m right here look! All because of you! Yeah you didn’t get there as early as you wished you could’ve, but you got there nonetheless! And if you hadn’t I probably would be sporting a big old black eye on my face and have one cheek bigger than the other right now. I’d look like one of those chipmunks from Alvin and the Chipmunks!” you laugh at your own joke, and for the first time ever, Jungkook laughs with you. His last first starting off as a small chuckle but the harder you laughed, the harder he did. The beginning to what would be you always hearing his high pitched laugh around the apartment, but let’s not get too far ahead right now.

They say when a human is drunk, they muster up the courage to do something they’d never do sober, but have always thought of doing in the back of their mind. It was often why people would blame a bold text to an ex on being “drunk” despite not taking one sip of their tequila shot, or why some people would excuse cheating on being “drunk” despite knowing it was something they wanted to do for a very long time. They were looking for an excuse to finally do it. And so now sitting here, with his hand caressed across your face, goofy grins plastered on your faces, he felt tempted to just kiss you.

It was weird really, yeah he thought you were cute, in fact there were days he’d found you hot, but anything past physical attraction had never really crossed his mind. To him, you’d always been and currently were his roommate who he found both superficial and performative. 

The one who once attempted to hide her strawberry scented shampoo in her room during work, in hopes that he wouldn’t go out of his way to find it. The one who liked her jjolmyeon more on the sour side than the sweet. The one who occasionally made him coffee and breakfast in the mornings, despite him being asleep after a long night of work of barristering. The one who for some odd reason almost never watched Netflix on the TV, but instead would watch it on her laptop on the couch, thus rendering the TV completely useless.

And so to be here, finally appreciating the person that you were after what could’ve been a near-death experience was a bit of a wake up call. And yeah like you said, maybe he didn’t get here as early as he should’ve been, but he got here nonetheless. He smiles to himself, your words having a double meaning behind them.

But for now he wanted to preserve this feeling, because he knew he was drunk. He was so drunk that the tree behind you was beginning to look like it was moving towards him. And so rather than kiss you, he instead decides to simply tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, deciding that if he felt like this tomorrow morning when he was sober then it’d be something worth looking into.

“I’m telling you, if I ever see that man again—”

“It was like,” you count on your fingers, “9 months ago Jungkook, I doubt you even remember his face,” you cut off, patting his shoulder.

“Mm,” he hums, “you’d be surprised how good I am at remembering faces, so when I tell you I’m still waiting for the day I come across him again, I mean it!” you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” you sing,  “Hey at least something good came out of it,” you smile.

Jungkook looks at you with uncertainty, “Which is?”

Your small smile then becomes a toothy grin, “We became friends!” you exclaim excitedly, “temporarily at least,” you laugh.

April 2019.

It had been about two weeks since the incident at the club. Jungkook having completely avoided you since, and no you weren’t paranoid because originally you thought you were. It first started off with you not seeing him at all around the apartment, which you excused with you two having different work schedules like always. But then you’d notice he wouldn’t even drink the coffee you would make for him in the morning, it being left there on the counter for the entire day. 

And in the very rare moments you did manage to get a glimpse of him in the hallway either entering or exiting his room, the boy would completely avoid eye contact with you! But the final confirmation that told you he was avoiding you? He had bought his own shampoo and body wash for himself! Not just any kind, he bought an extra lather version of your own with exfoliating properties. And you didn’t if you could use it or not because, well because he was avoiding you! 

It wasn’t like you two kissed or anything! The most that happened was that you two shared a laugh! So then why was he avoiding you like the freaking plague? After a week of thinking about every possible reason he could be, you had given up. You’d accepted that you were back at square one with him, but it wasn’t like you were ever at square two to begin with. And so that’s why yesterday when Hobi told you he’d be going on a morning/afternoon hike trip on Saturday with Namjoon, you were skeptical on how Jungkook would manage to avoid you.

It was also why this morning in bed, when you heard what sounded like furniture being moved at 7 in the freaking morning, you were unsure about getting up and saying something or remaining in bed. Luckily you didn’t have to think about it for too long because you soon heard the sound footsteps coming closer to your bedroom door. As a result, you quickly threw yourself under the covers and pretended to be asleep.

It definitely had to be Jungkook who had just entered your room, the heavy footsteps acting as a signal to you that it was. Your eyes widen when you hear the sound of your drawer being pulled open, “What the hell did he think he was doing? Should you turn around and scare him? Hmm. No,” you think to yourself because soon enough you felt a hand gently shake your body.

“Y/N,”  he whispers, clearly in belief that you were asleep. You let him shake you around a little more, just to make your little “I’m just waking up” act a little more believable, “Y/N,” he repeats, and this time you begin to make groggy sounds. Actress of the Year Award : Check.

“Mm,” you hum, but you’re quickly jolted awake when you feel your covers get pulled off of you, “What are you—” you look up at Jungkook, who was dressed in complete workout gear. But what really had you concerned, was the workout clothing he had folded in his hands because well they were yours.

He tosses the matching pair of black leggings and sports bra, “Go change,” he sternly says, only causing you to look at him in further confusion.

“B-b-but-” Jungkook knows you’re about to not only complain, but ask many many questions. Because that’s just the type of person you are.

“Hobi told me you like buttermilk pancakes with extra syrup, but that since yours always come out burnt and his come out too dull, that the only time you get to eat them is if you go to a breakfast restaurant,” you narrow your eyes at him, confused as to where this was leading to, “Well at the coffee shop I work at, we have a weekly Pancake Tuesday and well let’s just say a certain someone has been rated top pancake maker for 2 months now,” you quirk your brow in interest, continuing to listen, a smirk now on his face, “and let’s also say this certain someone has a stack of warm pancakes sitting there on the kitchen island, untouched and certainly uneaten.”

You quickly smile at what he was insinuating, “BUT you can only eat them if you get up, get ready and change in 5 minutes,” he looks at the clock, “starting now.” And in the blink of an eye you were up and running towards your restroom because certainly if that didn’t get you up and out of bed, he wasn’t sure what would.

Quickly you brush your teeth and fix up your hair a bit, curious to know what Jungkook had planned out. To think you thought he was avoiding you! Well he was … but that doesn’t matter anymore! Placing your shoes on you begin to make your way towards the living room, the thought of eating those buttermilk pancakes almost making your mouth drool. That was until you stepped into the living room, stopping dead in your tracks.

Your eyes glaze over everything, blinking veryyy slowly, in order to make sure you were seeing things correctly. Jungkook had transformed your living room into some kind of um … workout center? For boxing? He had everything from the red punching bag, the reflex bag, the speed ball, jump rope, mini dumbbells, and most importantly boxing mitts for some one-on-one training. Everything was an adequate enough size to fit in all into the living room, but not too big in a way that it couldn’t be stored in the extra closet you had in the hallway.

“Why did you—” Jungkook hands you a pair of shiny black boxing gloves, along with bandages.

“I’m going to teach you the basics of boxing,” he presses his lips together, “whether you like it or not,” he says.

“Jungkook I don’t thin—”

“You don’t think what?” he looks at you in a way that tells you he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“I’m not really cut out for this kind of stuff,” you try to make an excuse for yourself anyway, but he wasn’t buying it.

“Because you have no experience, which is exactly why I’m going to teach you,” his brows draw together, a stern look on his face as he now makes eye contact with you, “You can’t just always expect someone to pop out of thin air and come to your rescue y/n, what happened two weeks ago was a mix of both good timing and sheer luck,” he sighs while pulling out a taser and pocket knife from his pocket, “and though this is helpful in many situations, you seem to forget to take these with you,” he scolds, “guess where they were the night at the club?” You stay silent, “the kitchen island,” he answers for you.

“Okay I get it, I get it,” you say, “I need to learn how to protect myself without using those,” you point to the items in his hand.

“Exactly, I’m glad we’re on the same page,” he playfully pats your head, “so we’ll be doing this every weekend for the next eight weeks, from 7AM till 2PM. We might even throw an occasional weekday night in there if I don’t get out of work too late.”

“7AM?!” you shriek, “Oh no no no, you sir are crazy,” you protest, shaking your head in denial, “No amount of pancakes will have me waking up that early every weekend.”

“Oh come on! The more hours you do, the better you’ll get!” he bargains with you, catching you off guard by throwing his arm around your shoulder, your cheeks going red as a result.

“Jungkook,” you dramatically cry out, ready to stomp your feet on the floor like a little kid, the only thing preventing you was you not wanting the downstairs neighbors to come up and complain.

He tightens his grip on you, “Come onnnnn,” he sings, “I’ll let you use my new body wash with the exfoliating properties,” he teases you, having heard you complain to Hobi one morning about being unsure of whether or not you could use it. You truly were too kind for your own good, cause if the situations were reversed, Jungkook would’ve just gone ahead and used it.

You narrow your eyes at him once again, “More like you’re buying me one of my own!” you demand and he nods in agreement, “Also, where did you even manage to get all this?” you ask, genuinely curious as to how he managed to buy all this.

“Um let’s just say I have a buddy at the boxing gym who didn’t really need these anymore,” you stare at him suspiciously, but decide to shrug it off. You’d ask him more questions some other day, but for now all you wanted was to eat those pancakes!

Hobi opens the door to his shared apartment, exhausted from the hike he just had this morning and honestly ready to just hop into bed and sleep. That was until he saw the transformation of his living room in front of his very own eyes, his skin paling and mouth gaping in shock.

“What the—” he whispers, preparing to scream out your names like a parent walking in their house only to find it destroyed by their teenagers, but before he could the sound of something stops him dead in his tracks. It was the sound of soft snores.

Walking towards the sound, which seemed to be coming from the long couch, a smile immediately appears on his face when he comes to see the view in front of him. You were on one side of the couch while Jungkook was on the other, both of your feet stretched out and touching in the middle, napping away. Hobi personally thought he was dreaming, this being a view he never thought he’d see.

Wanting to preserve the memory, he grabs his phone from his pocket and opens up the camera app, snapping the photo in silence, tempted to edit and post the photo with little clouds above each other's heads and make up some witty caption. But he’d save it for some other day. For now, he was just happy you two were finally getting along.

“Ah I had forgotten how that photo came to be,” Jungkook laughs, looking at the photo on your Iphone screen, “you were tired from working out, while I was tired from having to watch you continuously mess around with the equipment,” he pokes fun at you. Not like it wasn’t true, that day you kept going back to the speed ball, aimlessly hitting it in hopes that at some point you’d magically become fast at hitting it like in the movies.

“Hey, I’m pretty decent at doing everything now,” you flash him a cheesy smile. After several weeks of consistent training and long hours, you were definitely at a point where you could adequately defend yourself from someone ranging from a small petite woman to around a medium sized man. Luckily, you haven't come across a situation that has required you to to do so nor do you ever hope to, but it was comforting to know that if something ever did happen, then you were ready. But, your taser and pocket knife would always be your first go to, no matter what.

“You’re…” Jungkook pauses, “okay,” he breathes, huffing a quiet laugh. Out of impulse you flash him the finger, showing off your freshly manicured fingers. “Aren’t you rude,” he says with a dramatic gasp.

You roll your eyes, “You’re the one who taught me,” you laugh, and Jungkook places his hand on his chest, looking at you with a dramatic offended look on his face.

“Me?” he feigns his surprise.

“Yes you! How could I forget,” you look at him accusingly.

“No I taught you how to stop faking a smile, and to start putting a foot down people’s neck,” he shrugs, “not to go sticking out the middle finger,” he jokes, and you only roll your eyes again, grumbling a small  “Mm.”

May 2019.

To your surprise, you had been managing to consistently wake up and work out every weekend with Jungkook, with him even being able to up your usual workout plan at a drastic rate. You’d shed a couple of pounds and to your surprise could even see some muscle beginning to form, but today, well today was your monthly lazy day.

Lazy day was the one day of the month where you and Hobi would push everything off your schedule, from calling off of work, to making sure everything in the apartment was clean, and buying snacks the night before in order to make sure you wouldn’t have to step out of the apartment. It was usually picked the month before by either you or Hobi closing your eyes and randomly pointing somewhere on the calendar, and whatever day your index finger managed to land on would be the day. And well today was that day.

But when Hobi told you yesterday night that a family emergency was going to have to bring lazy day to a temporary halt because he had to drive back to Busan, which in itself was a three hour trip from Seoul, you had already called the day off weeks prior as your job wasn’t as lenient on last minute call offs. The contract you signed stating in small print, “any day off must be requested, sent in, and approved 2 weeks prior to the date said employee is asking for.”

And so this morning when Jungkook entered your room to find you completely knocked out with drool coming out of your mouth, he was surprised to say the least. On weekday mornings, he would almost always wake up to find himself alone in the apartment considering both you and Hobi have day jobs, so hearing snores come out of your room had definitely caught him off guard.

He debated on whether he should be annoying and wake you up and then force you to work out or be a nice roommate and make you breakfast. Let’s just say he didn’t choose the latter. Grabbing one of the stuffed animals that you weren’t hugging, he throws it at your head, a grunt coming out of your mouth after.

“Jungkook,” you mutter, morning voice in full effect, “let me sleep please,” you say, switching to the other side, in hopes that he’d leave.

“No, you need to work out,” he says, beginning to nag.

Turning around again, this time to face him, you look at him with your eyes half-way open, “Today’s lazy day,” you deadpan, his eyes narrow in confusion.

“What the hell is, quote on quote, lazy day?” he asks, lifting a brow. Rubbing your eyes along with eye boogers in the corners, you begin to stretch your arms and legs, not caring if he was staring.

Sighing once you were ready to respond, you then answer, “Lazy day is the one day of the month that me and Hobi take a day off of work to well … be lazy,” he stares at you with an innocent look on his face, “butttttt,” a mischievous smile appears on your face, “since Hobi cancelled on me, now you’re going to be lazy partner for the day.” His face twists in bewilderment.

“Huh?”

“You heard me, go call the café, and tell em you’re taking the day off,” you smile, now getting up from bed.

“And why would I do that?” Jungkook asks, the question coming off a little harsher than intended, but you were quick to shrug it off, already accustomed to the occasional attitude.

“Becauseeeeee,” you sing, “When was the last time you’ve taken a day off, I mean look at you right now! You’re already dressed comfortably,” you eye him up and down, he was currently in work out clothing which for him consisted of an oversized grey sweater and joggers, “do you really wanna get all sweaty and then have to shower, change, and go to work… cause I don’t think you do,” you raise your eyebrows up and down in a teasing manner as he avoids eye contact with you.

His eyes look around your room, clearly thinking to himself. A lazy day huh? Hmm you did make a point, he really couldn’t remember the last time he’s just lounged around and done nothing, as he was always doing something whether it be working out, working, going out, etc.

He looks back at you once he’s made his decision, letting out a huff of air, “Fine,” he says, grabbing his phone from his pocket, preparing to dial the coffee shop, a tiny squeal coming from you.

“I thought lazy day meant no going out,” Jungkook complains while pushing the grocery cart around, following you and your need to go up and down each and every aisle at the store.

“It does, but since Hobi and I couldn’t go grocery shopping the night before,” you grab some strawberry lemonade from the freezer and place it in the cart, “someone has to help carry the groceries up the stairs,” you catch him rolling his eyes, “your eyes will get stuck up there if you keep doing that,” you comment, grabbing packaged ramen from the counter beside you.

“Yeah, Yeah—” Jungkook stares at what’s in your hands wide eyed, “No, no, no! What are you doing?” You jump in surprise, dropping the package on the floor.

“Wh-what?” your face flushes in surprise, his outburst completely catching you off guard.

“Shin Ramyun?! What happened to getting Paldo Bibimmyeon?! Do you have no loyalty?” he scrunches his face up, in clear distress at what he just caught you doing. At first you don’t think he’s serious, this being some stupid joke he was making, but once you got a glimpse of the stare he was giving you, you’d soon come to realize that he was not playing around at all.

“It’s be-be-because,” you begin to stutter under his scrutiny, “these are buy three, get two free,” you lopsidedly smile, an awkward laugh feigning from your lips.  He shakes his head, snatching the ramen from your hands and placing it on its original spot before then grabbing his Paldo Bibimmyeon.

“Choosing price over quality, are you crazy?” he mutters under his breath before pushing the cart past you and making his way to the checkout line, leaving you there momentarily flabbergasted.

Once you caught up to him you were ready to tell him something until you heard the sound of someone calling your name, “Y/N?” you turn around, surprised to see Jimin in the line next to you.

“Oh Jimin!” you smile, softly waving at the newly blonde-haired boy, his roots telling you that the hair job was recent. Jimin offers his hand out to Jungkook. Jungkook, at first hesitant, shakes it in return, “You remember Jimin, right? He was with us on New Years, he was supposed to come partying with us last time, but he flaked last minute,” Jungkook slowly nods remembering the boy wrapping his arm around you during the countdown while Jimin on the other hand raises his hands to his defense.

“Even a person like me can get burnt out every here and then,” he laughs, “but next time I’ll be sure to be on the dance floor,” he winks at you, his natural flirty personality making its appearance. Jungkook awkwardly coughs, pushing the cart forward to get your attention back in the moving line.

You feel your hands get a bit clammy, Jimin always being someone you did have a bit of a crush on, never pursuing anything because of your long-term friendship with him. But of course that didn’t mean he didn’t get an occasional blush out of you here and there. “So how have you been since the last time I saw you? It’s been quite a while—”

And just as you’re about to answer, Jungkook interrupts, “Y/N,” he says, nudging you to tell you that it was time to pay.

“Ah I guess I’ll just see you around then,” Jimin chuckles, waving a small goodbye.

“O-oh yeah I guess I—”

“Y/N,” Jungkook repeats, unbeknownst to you, the green eyed monster was beginning to make its appearance. Any longer and horns would probably start sprouting out his ears.

Once you two finish paying and bagging everything, you walk towards Jungkook’s new black Hyundai which he had bought only a couple of weeks ago after months of what he calls “busting his ass” off and using most of his savings up for. You hum a tiny tune while helping him place all the bags in the trunk.

“So…” Jungkook awkwardly begins, second guessing whether he should continue asking the question he had in his mind before deciding to just do it anyway, “Is that like your boyfriend or something?”

Immediately you stop humming, staring at Jungkook wide-eyed, “Oh no, no!” you quickly deny, “No, No, no,” you repeat, shaking your head. The redness of your cheeks tell another story.

“Hm,” Jungkook mumbles, “sorta looked like it,” he deadpans before going to put the cart in its designated spot, leaving you there confused as to what that meant. 

After a couple of hours of lounging around in the apartment and binging Narcos: Mexico on the TV rather than your laptop because of Jungkook’s complaints, the two of you were now eating your ramen on the kitchen island, quietly seated on the tall chairs. The sound of Jungkook slurping his noodles filling the room.

“What did you mean by Jimin being my boyfriend or something?” you suddenly ask out of nowhere, the question having been on your mind for a majority of the day.

Jungkook takes a final gulp of his food before responding, “I don’t know,” he nonchalantly shrugs, “you were gawking at him like a schoolgirl seeing her crush in the hallway,” he says, “thought you two had something going on, or at least on your part,” he reiterates.  

“I did not stare at him like some schoolgirl!” you deny, taking offense to his analogy, “He’s j-jus—”

“J-just someone you clearly have a crush on,” he mocks your flusteredness, “I see and here a part of me thought it thought it was two-sided,” he smirks.

“It’s not sided on either way,” you protest, “Jimin is just a friend,” you clarify, putting your foot down.  

“How do you even know the dude?” he asks. He knew you and Hobi met during college, and that Hobi was in some club with Yoongi and Namjoon which explains how you met them. He also knew that Seokjin and Taehyung came into the picture after some college frat party, but Jimin, well he didn’t know too much about Jimin. Just that he clearly felt comfortable enough to have his arm around you during New Years.

“I met him during my first year of performing at Busan Arts College, that was before I transferred to Seoul National where I’d then meet Hobi,” Jungkook’s ears perk up, several questions now running through his head.

“An arts college? In Busan?”

“Yeah, like a school for dance majors, drawing, theatre, music, film, modelling, sports, interior design, animation, and et cetera,” you smile softly while explaining, “I was an art major, painting to be specific, and along the scopes of watercolors and abstractness.”

Jungkook hums, his curiosity still not completely fulfilled, “So why’d you transfer?” he asks the big question.

“Oh..” you know you shouldn’t be, but for some reason you are slightly taken back by his blunt question, “because..” you sigh, “um something happened that well um I just thought it’d be best to transfer, and well my math skills weren’t too rusty for the entrance exam and my credits were exceptional for transferring and so I just took the leap and left. Met Hobi, we became roommates, decided to stay roommates even after graduating and well now I’m an accountant.”

Jungkook stays silent for a moment, surprised that there was more to you than meets the eye. He would’ve never guessed that you were into painting, “I stayed in touch with Jimin, introduced him to my new group of friends and well yeah, that’s that,” you finish explaining, “He was a dance major, just in case you were curious,” you add, “He now works at a contemporary dance company here in Seoul, very deep with connections in the arts industry,” So that’s who Jimin was huh? Cool... but now Jungkook was much more curious about you.

“Do you ever paint?” he asks another question, completely finished with his meal and at this point only staying for the conversation. It was weird, had it been anyone else asking you these questions you wouldn't have dared entertain it any further, probably finding some way to maneuver out of it. But for Jungkook to ask whether it be from a place of nosiness or simple curiosity, hell maybe even boredom, for some reason you just didn’t mind.

“Um not really, not anymore at least, especially these days that work is beginning to pile up but,” you hesitate for a moment before continuing, “I still have some of my old work somewhere under my bed, probably in a storage box knowing me.”

“Can I see them?”

And just as you’re about to answer, your phone’s ringing sound goes off. The person calling? Jimin. You hesitate to answer, glancing at Jungkook who was staring at your phone, presumably reading the name. Once he does, he looks at you in a way that was asking, “Are you going to pick up?”

You click the green button to accept, “Hello?”

“Y/N?” Jimin asks, unsure if it was you.

“Yes?”

“Hey! Um so I was actually meaning to call for quite a while,” Jungkook tries his best not to make it obvious that he’s listening in, “and so when I ran into you and your friend at the market it served as a complete reminder.”

“Oh what for?” you ask politely.

“Well I was hoping we could catch up over some dinner, and then I could tell you something very important that I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time,” From Jimin? “I was thinking this Saturday like at 7? I’ll pick you up.”  

“Oh um..” for some reason you look at Jungkook for advice, but he just stares at you with his eyebrows furrowed, “Yeah sure, why not?” you awkwardly laugh.

“Perfect, I’ll see you then! Byeeeee,” he sings before clicking, leaving you on the line. Did that call really just happen? Or were just imagining things?  

“I think—” you gulp, “I think I have a date this Saturday?” you say unsurely, a small dumbfounded smile beginning to appear on your face.

He notices the goofy smile beginning to appear on your face, before letting out a large exasperated breath and feigning his best smile. The forced smile comes out quite awkward, “With Park Jimin?” Park Jimin your college friend. Park Jimin, the successful contemporary dancer. Park Jimin, the one who looked like he came straight out of a magazine cover. That Park Jimin? Jungkook on the other hand could feel his eyebrow impulsively twitch in response, the green eyed monster creeping from behind, ready to make its return.

You nod your head yes, Jungkook now getting up from the chair, a negative energy now around him. “So much for it being a zero sided thing,” he mutters before practically throwing his dish into the sink and stomping out the kitchen, leaving you completely by yourself.

“Weird,” you think to yourself before heading off to bed.

Saturday had surprisingly arrived in the blink of an eye despite the extra hours of working out Jungkook had thrown in the morning. It was almost as if the boy wanted you to be on your date exhausted and halfway knocked out. Out of nowhere, deciding that today was the best day to start working on more leg targeted exercises, as a result your legs now felt like jell-o with every step you took.

“I’m gonna get going you guys,” you announce to the boys in the living room, who were currently on the couch watching an episode of One Piece.

Hobi turns his attention from the screen to look at you, immediately smiling at your outfit, “Ahh look at you,” he compliments, Jungkook on the other hand or silently watches you as you grab your keys from the countertop. “Doesn’t she look pretty Jungkook?” Hobi asks, tapping Jungkook on the shoulder. Jungkook remains silent, which oddly enough resulted in a heavy feeling in your chest. “Now she’s sad!” Hobi scolds, “Tell her she looks pretty,” Hobi pushes Jungkook’s shoulder this time.

“You look…” Jungkook pauses, and for a moment both you and Hobi hold your breath, for Jungkook’s mouth was quite unpredictable sometimes, “You look more than pretty,” he says with a warm look on his face before catching himself and going back to his usual expressionless face and turning his attention back to the screen. Hobi who looks like he’s about to tease the hell out Jungkook once you leave, struggles to hide the big grin on his face. While you, well you could’ve sworn you felt your heart skip a beat.  

“Well get going now! And don’t come back too late!” Hobi teases, loving the persona of acting like a parent a little too much.

Was thinking about your roommate regular for a date? Because that’s what you found yourself doing … a lot. From the moment you had stepped into Jimin’s car your immediate comparison was to Jungkook’s own car. Once he started driving, your mind went to how unlike Jimin who drove with both hands on the steering wheel, Jungkook liked driving with one. More specifically his left. 

And of course being on a date you expect conversation to be flowing all around even when you’re waiting on the food, but for some reason you had become so used to Jungkook always being silent until he was nearly finished with his food, that when Jimin began to make conversation while waiting definitely felt … odd for you to say the least. And don’t even get you started on what he ended up ordering. Well done steak?! Jungkook hated well done steak, preferring medium rare over anything. And so to say your roommate had been constantly on your mind this whole time was a bit of an understatement. 

Currently the two of you were walking on the bridge of a local park, the several number of lampposts and people all around you making it less scary than compared to that night at the park with Jungkook. “So Y/N how’s your year been so far?” Jimin asks, a pleasant smile on his face.

“It’s been,” you pause, thinking about the person who came into your life only months ago, “it’s been pretty good.”

“That’s good to hear, that’s good to hear,” he repeats, the two of you now sitting on a bench, “So I know I told you I had some important news,” he begins, “and it’s something I’ve been really wanting to talk to you about for a very long time,” he insinuates, “and so if you could close your eyes for a moment that’d be great,” you do as follows, and close your eyes, Your heart begins to race but it wasn’t the same kind of racing you felt that night at the park with Jungkook. It was more of a “what am I doing here?” kind of nervousness so to speak. Nonetheless you shrug the feeling off.

Jimin, who was originally supposed to be getting an exhibition flyer out of his coat, notices that you have what looks to be a leaf in your hair. Deciding that it was bothering him too much he goes and reaches for it, surprised to be in contact with your lips seconds later. Quickly he pulls away, staring at you wide eyed. Both of your faces now tomato red, as he struggles to form words.

Eyes still widened, he pulls out the folded paper from jacket, once unfolded it reads, “Seoul City’s Annual Public Art Exhibition with a special performance by Seoul’s Contemporary Dance Academy choreographed by Park Jimin.”

“Oh my God—” you manage to breath out, coming to the realization that kissing you was not his attention.

He scratches the back of his neck, “I um, yeah, I’m this year’s choreographer for the city's art exhibition and well I managed to get you a slot so that you could have your very first art piece exhibited,” Jimin feigns an awkward smile, “You know since you’re a painter first before an accountant.” You, still hung up on what was probably the most embarrassing moment of your life, stare at him in complete silence. Everything barely registering in your head.

“Y/N…” he begins the dreadful pity speech by grabbing your hand, “I um,” he lets out an awkward chuckle before continuing, “I like you, I do, but not in that way…”

In the movies, this is where you’re supposed to feel as if your world was crashing down on you, the part where your heart is supposed to sink in complete sadness and you go home a complete crying mess. But rather than feel any of those things, you instead feel …. relief? Yeah, you kissing the boy was embarrassing, but it wasn’t something that was gonna haunt you for the rest of your life. Maybe for a week or two, but not definitely not the rest of your life.

Jimin wonders what’s going through your mind, the apparent smile that suddenly grew on your face telling him that things were going to be just fine, “I sorta um had my eyes on someone else in our friend group…” and with that he gets your attention because you knew exactly who he was talking about.

“Taehyung,” you say, and Jimin silently nods, a laugh emitting from both of your lips.

“Honestly, I’m a little surprised that you even agreed to go out with me, that Jungkook dude seemed like was going to lunge at me any second over there at the supermarket,” Jimin says, “I thought you two were a thing at first.”  

You laugh in disbelief, “Me and Jungkook?” you say, scrunching your face.

“Um yeah, it’s not really something shocking,” Jimin laughs, “I mean you two definitely looked like a couple that day, very much doing um couple-like things. Maybe not affectionate wise but I don’t know there were definitely looks and glances being exchanged. But if you say there’s nothing between you two then who am I to argue?” Jimin shrugs his shoulders, a smirk on his face.

“Exactly, who are you to argue,” you dramatically snarl, Jimin throwing his head back in laughter.

“So y/n what do you say about participating in the art exhibition? You know you want toooo,” Jimin sings, pouting his lips. You had forgotten about that for a moment, the embarrassment of the kiss completely fazing you out.

“Oh I don’t know,” you nervously say, you hadn’t seriously painted in such a long time, that chapter in your life being a closed book for quite some time now.

“But y/n—” Jimin begs, “This could be the moment you’ve been waiting for, there’s going to be a lot of professional artists there along with buyers.”

“I just—” something was holding you back from saying yes. Was it fear? Maybe. All you knew was that you couldn't dive into something that you had long given up on, “I don’t think I can,” you ultimately say.

Jimin frowns, “You sure? I can’t hold the slot for too long, and well I was so sure you’d say yes..” You sigh before nodding, confirming that you were saying no.

“Ah okay,” Jimin says, completely understanding, “Come on let’s get you home,” to which you nod, a small sad smile on your face.

By the time you got back home, you wondered if the boys’ were asleep already, hoping at least one of them was awake to talk to, more specifically Hobi, for he always knew what to say when you needed comfort. And so when you opened the door to find the TV still on, but no one in the living room, you were confused to say the least.

You walk towards Hobi’s room, crack open the door, and peep your head in only to find him sound asleep. Did that mean Jungkook was up? Maybe someone just forgot to turn off the TV… with your curiosity getting the best of you, you decide to go Jungkook’s room and check if he was there. With your hand on the knob, you begin to twist it, slowly opening the door until a voice scares you from behind, “What are you doing?” he harshly whispers causing you to yelp in surprise.

“Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God,” you whisper as well, closing his door immediately, “I-I-I thought you were,” you point at his door, unable to complete your sentence.

“I was peeing,” he says, “Did you not see the light on?”

Shaking your head no, you ask, “What are you even doing up this late?”

Jungkook awkwardly stammers, “I um, I just couldn’t sleep,” he says instead of admitting that secretly he was waiting for you to arrive, just to make sure you were safe. Nothing else of course, not like he wanted to know how your date went… “Why are you going into my room without my permission?” he questions.

You scoff, “You always go in mine!” you try your best to keep your voice down, not wanting to wake up a grumpy Hobi, “Why can’t I go in yours?”

“Because you’ve never told me anything against me going into yours,” he argues, “Just because we’re um,” he pauses, struggling to say the word that comes next, “friends… doesn’t mean you get to go snooping around.” What the hell was he hiding in there that you couldn’t go in?

“That’s not fair and you know it,” you complain, ready to cross your arms and complain like a kid, that is until he flicks your forehead with his index finger.

“Ow,” you cry, “What was that for?” you groan, and he shrugs in response.

“I don’t know I just felt like doing it,” he smirks, “your forehead just looks so … flickable.” You narrow your eyes, quickly flicking his in return, garnering an “ow” from him as well.

“Oh you’re gonna pay for that,” he says, and quickly but also softly because you didn’t want to stomp too hard on the floor, you run back to the living room, the two of you now chasing each other around, index fingers ready for some more flicking. Maniacal fits of giggles filling the room as you begin to throw pillows at each other, running around the kitchen island like little kids. 

Jungkook, despite being the faster runner, was the one being chased. The closer you got to him, the further you began to reach your arm for his t-shirt, your fingertips always grazing the bottom. But once you finally did, something very unexpected happened. You tripped.

Soon enough, you were hands down on the floor, Jungkook below you, a casualty of your fall. The two of you now facing each other, chests heaving from your game of tag, laughing uncontrollably. Not exactly caring if Hobi, the neighbors, or the rest of the world could hear you.

Gradually, you get off him and instead lay on the kitchen floor right next him, aimlessly staring at the ceiling. A comfortable silence in the air. If someone would’ve told you at the beginning of the year that you and Jungkook would be playing tag in the apartment like little kids, you would’ve told them they were crazy. But yet here you were, heart pounding out of your chest, wanting this moment to remain for as long as it possibly could.

“So…” Jungkook continues to stare at the ceiling, “How’d your date go?”

“It was…” you use the only word that could properly describe it, “embarrassing,” you giggle, recalling what happened. Jungkook looks at you, eager to say the least, to know why.

“Let’s just say I ummm … took some signs completely wrong,” you awkwardly chuckle, “or long story short, I sorta kissed him and well let’s just say he has his eyes on someone else in our friend group.”

Was it wrong for Jungkook to feel happy? Happy that you two didn’t have insane chemistry, become boyfriend and girlfriend, and live happily ever after after like in the fairytales. Of course he wasn’t happy that it was you who went for the kiss, nor that it was who you got rejected, but it was better than you coming in here raving on about Park Jimin, no offense to Jimin.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says, an attempt to comfort you.

“It’s fine really,” you laugh, “what’s weird was that I didn’t really feel as heartbroken or as sad as I thought I’d be,” you shrug, “I’m just glad it didn’t ruin our friendship or anything. If anything I’m sad about what he offered... “

“What did he offer?” Jungkook’s jaw tightens, but you’re quick to shake your head and sigh.

“He offered me a spot at Seoul’s annual art exhibition, I guess since he choreographed a dance, he was able to talk them into giving him a spot and well I said no,” Jungkook frowns, wondering why you didn’t take the offer, “I just couldn’t see myself doing it… I haven’t painted in what feels like forever and to then have it be seen by thousands of people, yeah I can already feel the anxiety from that. One bad comment and I’m going to have to fake a smile the whole time and cry when I get home.”

Jungkook scoffs, “Who cares what others think? Screw them. I know that it’s rich coming from me, but if you think those people who may insult you or throw some sly comment to get under your skin are better than you in any way then let me tell you, they’re not. And who says you have to take their shit? Stop feeling as if you have to always put on some fake smile for people in order to spare their feelings and start looking out for your own,” Jungkook sits up, looking down on you. “So you know what you’re going to do?”

You stare at him in silence, murmuring a tiny “what?”

“You’re going to text Jimin right now and tell him you’re taking that spot,” Jungkook demands, “and if you don’t then I’ll call him myself and do it for you.” Now it’s your turn to sit yourself right up, waiting for a sign in his eyes that told you he was purely kidding. “Well what are you waiting for?” He eyes your pockets, waiting for you to reach for your phone.

“Jungko—”

“Y/N, you can’t tell me that you’re not feeling sad because you know you’re going to regret saying no to the opportunity,” Jungkook’s voice raises without meaning to, placing his hands on your shoulders, “I don’t have to see a single painting of yours to know that you’re talented, and if people can’t see that then honestly it’s their loss.” You feel your heart swell with every word, slowly pulling out your phone from the back pocket of your jeans.

Jungkook gets up from his position, offering his hand to help pull you up. Once he pulls you, he walks towards the fridge, and takes two pints of ice cream out the freezer. Your face lights up as you watch him get two spoons from the drawer, “Don’t hold it against me, but I bought these after you left just in case you came back a crying mess,” he avoids eye contact with you while handing you your pint, “But heartbreak or not, someone has to eat these. So come on, send that text so we can watch some One Piece.”

“Imagine you would’ve never convinced me to do the art exhibition,” you laugh, gently nudging Jungkook.

“Mm though it could’ve prevented a lot of things, the good definitely outweighed the bad so…” Jungkook pauses, “I guess it just goes to show you have to go through the downs in order to reap the rewards of the up.”

“Now look who's getting all wordy on me,” you tease.

“I guess you’re rubbing off on me more than I’d like to admit,” he pretends to be annoyed by dramatically sighing but a laugh soon follows.

June 2019.

After texting Jimin that you had changed your mind, you began to work on the painting you had brainstormed for the art exhibition, first sketching it out and now well on your way to starting your quite large painting. 

Honestly, pulling out your old art tools and portfolio from years ago was nostalgic, bringing you a genuine sense of completeness. To have a decent paying job, the best of friends, and now being able to practice the hobby you had once considered turning into a career was everything you could ask for. But what made you feel even warmer inside was just how supportive Jungkook was of the whole thing, always buying and bringing back art materials for you to use, including different colors of paint. Though most of the time they weren’t really what you considered the best quality, it was the thought that counted.

After your boxing lessons with him, you’d usually go straight to your room to begin working on it, for the first time since you stopped painting feeling actual motivation and creativity flowing through you. Life was good. Not good, amazing.

That was until today, when you noticed Jungkook hadn’t woken you up for your usual Saturday workout. “Maybe he overslept?” you think to yourself, probably had a tiresome night at work yesterday. Slowly you make your way outside his door, gently knocking on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Nothing. Not a groan, not a “let me sleep”, absolutely nothing. You knock one more time just to make sure, your shoulders dropping once you realize he wasn’t going to open the door. Remembering what he said about entering his room, you decide that if he was having a bad day, it’d just be best to leave him be for the meanwhile.

Things didn’t really start getting alarming until you and Hobi both noticed that he skipped breakfast. His door remaining absolutely closed the whole morning and day, not a peep of sound coming out.

“Hobi, I’m starting to get worried,” your eyes glimmer with concern, “He hasn’t come out all day.”

“I know I am too, but—” Hobi sighs, “I don’t want to pressure him into—” the sound of a door opening quickly grabs your guys’ attention, the two of you silently watching Jungkook come out of his room. The time on the clock reading 6PM, the sun outside beginning to set. Carefully you watch Jungkook come into the kitchen, grabbing nothing more than a water bottle and a couple of snacks.

There’s a redness to his eyes that you’d never seen before, almost as if he had been sobbing. His under eyes were in the early stages of becoming puffy, and his skin seemed a lot paler than usual. You feel your heart sink when the two of you, for a mere second, make eye contact. Quietly he begins to make his way back to his room, but not before you offer him some food.

“Y/N—” Hobi tries to stop you, but you continue nonetheless.

“I made japchae,” you say, “I even added extra mushrooms like how you always like it,” he stares at you in silence, a cold look to his eyes before ignoring you and returning to his room. The door slamming shut once he does. If your heart was sunk already, then it was definitely stomped and ripped into pieces after that.

You turn your attention back to the TV, feeling Hobi’s stare from the side. Suddenly the volume of the TV is lowered and you already know what's coming, “Y/N…” you hear Hobi say, a sad tone behind his voice.

“Hobi don’t,” you cut him off before he could continue, not wanting to receive his pity, “I just don’t feel like hearing it right now.”

Hobi ignores you, knowing you were just putting up a wall as a defense mechanism, “You know he didn’t mean it,” he says, “he’s probably just having a rough day that’s all.”

“Even if he is, why does he still feel the need to just keep it to himself, why can’t he see that he can trust us, that he can trust me? Sometimes it feels like he knows a lot more about me than I know about him—” you rant, trying to keep your voice down so that Jungkook doesn’t hear you from his room.

Hobi sighs, getting up from the couch and grabbing his jacket and keys from the counter, “Put on your shoes,” he says, and you look at him confused before doing as he says and following him outside. The two of you then climb up the fire ladder of your apartment and onto the roof, the view of the stars sending shivers down your spine.

“Okay now sit—” he commands, which you do anyway.

“Why are we even out here?” you question, regretting not bringing your own sweater.

“Because I’m going to tell you a story, and well I don’t want Jungkook hearing us,” he says, making himself comfortable in the spot next to you, “You ready?”

Silently you nod your head yes, and so he continues.

“When I was a kid, I was what you could call ...nerdy … so to speak,” he chuckles, “I had those big ol glasses that made you look like you had fish eyes, I liked reading the Harry Potter books, I didn’t like playing sports like the rest of the boys in my elementary school did, and well in general I just wasn’t like a lot of them,” he pauses to look up at the sky, continuing once he was ready, “Now when you’re in elementary, kids won’t directly bully you, but instead they’ll make little teasing remarks because well ...we’re kids. We don’t know the big curse words yet or what we’re capable of physically. And so as a kid I’d let those jokes slide, I’d let their insults become the label put on me, not knowing the true maliciousness behind it.”

You feel your eyes become glossy, knowing where this was leading, “But the older you get, the more you begin to learn and well soon enough the teasing became full on bullying by middle school. The older kids would make these nicknames for me, and constantly call me them before, during, and after school. Occasionally even following me for a couple of blocks when walking home just to remind me that they had power over me,” Hobi’s voice begins to shake a little, “and well I didn’t know how to speak up for myself, let alone defend myself and so it just became a regular occurrence until on a certain day in middle school,” he pauses, taking a big breath. 

“I had been walking home from school that day, and for some reason that day I decided I wanted to take a different route back home, probably because I was hoping the kids who would bully me would decide not to follow me. But boy was I was wrong,” he feigns a laugh, “The route I had taken was right next to the Suyeong River, and well I think it’s important to note that I didn’t know how to swim at the time. I think I personally choose not to remember too much, but one moment I was walking and the next I had my face being pulled in and out of the water, the sounds of laughter being the thing I remember the most from that day,” Hobi closes his eyes, his voice cracking as he continues, “And I just remember thinking how could kids my age be so viscous?” tears begin to silently fall from his eyes, his hands slightly shaking at the recollection of the memory, “I thought this was it, this is the end of the line for me.”

“It wasn’t until I felt the release of my hair and the touch of someone pulling back that the nightmare came to an end,” Hobi wipes his tears with the sleeve of his sweater, “When I finally managed to get some kind of focus on my vision, I’d come to see the boy who was pushing me into the water completely knocked out the floor while the rest of his buddies were running to who knows where,” The scene from the club begins to replay in your head, remembering the person who had gotten there just at the right time.

“And then there was Jungkook, the boy I’d never seen a day in my life , helping me fix myself along with looking for my glasses even after having knocked out that boy with his bare hands. After that me and Jungkook became the best of friends, like actual genuine friends and the bullying had completely stopped. I’d also come to find out that Jungkook was a boxer, and not a casual one, like an “I practice every weekday, weekend, day, and night.” kind of one. He was aiming to go pro, and so he had to put in the time for it. His parents were supportive of it as well, as I think his dad saw the most potential in it.”  

Hobi takes a breather before continuing, finding yourself completely immersed in the story, “And so when our senior year came around and I had gotten accepted into SNU, I asked Jungkook what he was planning on doing now that we were graduating. And well that’s when he told me that had gotten an offer to train and compete in the states, where there’d be a lot more tougher competition and where he could really develop the natural talent he had. So on graduation day we had our teary farewell, and I remember telling him that if he ever needed anything and I truly meant anything, that he’d know where to find me.”

“So when years later I received a call at about 2 in the morning, asking if he could redeem the favor he had once done for me so long ago, I knew I couldn’t say no. I don’t know what happened in the states, and I don’t bother to ask him because I know that the day he’s ready to tell me or you, he will. Whatever did happen over there, changed him though. He came back a colder, more rude person, and honestly I thought he’d be like that forever until he started to get to know you,” Hobi smiles, “That’s when I began to see glimpses of the Jungkook I knew from high school again, the one who liked to mess around all the time, and never took himself too seriously.”

“You see y/n, I’m telling you all of this because I want you to know that Jungkook isn’t like us in the way of opening up when he feels sad or mad. He’s used to being the one doing all the protecting and so when he finds himself in a place where he’s overwhelmed by the feelings of sadness or anger, he gives the cold shoulder or becomes someone who isn’t like him at all, in order to avoid talking about it. I think it’s because he doesn’t want anyone to know the burden he carries. To sum it up y/n, Jungkook is the definition of when it rains, it pours … but when it shines, you’ll completely forget it ever rained to begin with,” Hobi pats you softly on the shoulder, “So the best thing you can do right now is let the storm play itself out, so that then you can be there when the rainbow comes back out.”

If only you had listened.

“Ahh so it was Hobi who told you everything,” Jungkook scrunches his face.

“No duhhhhh,” you sing, “Who else could have?��

Jungkook shrugs, “I don’t know, I thought you just magically figured it out on your own,” you’re unsure on whether he’s being sarcastic or not so all you is narrow your eyes at him, deciding to stay silent than make yourself look stupid.

“Mm either way Hobi made a BIG mistake telling me,” you laugh, “because he should've known my nosiness was only going to lead to problems.”

“Tell me about it,” Jungkook teases, resulting in a light smack to the shoulder.

July 2019.

It had been about a month since Jungkook’s change in behavior, his cold demeanor reminding you of when he first moved in months ago. The only time he’d ever leave his room was to go to work, use the restroom, or get his food to take to his room. You had been working on your painting whenever you got the chance, a distraction from the constant concern you felt for Jungkook. You know Hobi said to give it time, but how long would it be until Jungkook decided to finally open up? He couldn’t go on like this forever, could he?

You missed the Jungkook you had gotten to know in the last couple of months, the one who showed you that the tough wall he put up around him was nothing more than an act. That behind it, he was a complete sweetheart who liked drinking his banana milk and watching One Piece whenever he had the chance, the one who constantly liked to steal your things from your room and then replace them with an even better version, the one whose laugh sorta reminded you of Elmo but was still absolutely adorable, and lastly the one who you had found constantly by your side and falling further in love with every waking moment.

Not like, but love. You had come to realize it while you were in bed one night, your only thoughts being thunk all relating to Jungkook in some way. Remembering the number of times this month where you’d find yourself outside his bedroom door, inches away from knocking, knowing that all you needed was for him to open up the door at least once and you’d know everything was going to be okay. Sadly, you’d always find yourself chickening out, Hobi’s words always ringing in your head to serve as a reminder. Jungkook needed space. And as much as you wanted to run up to him and give him a tight hug, you knew you had to respect his boundaries.

So then why was it that today, when you found yourself painting and missing a certain color, a tiny voice in your head was telling you that maybe Jungkook had it… Realistically you knew it wasn’t possible, you had kept track of all your colors from the moment you started, but damn was that voice convincing. 

Getting up from the floor, you walk out into the living room, checking around to see if it was there. Hobi, who was currently taking a nap on the couch, seemed completely at peace.

You check his room to see if he has it, but your efforts were to no avail. The only place it had to be was Jungkook’s room. It had to be. At least that’s what you were telling yourself so could finally have an excuse to knock on his door. Making your way to his room, you prepare to knock, your knuckles lightly tapping against the wooden door. But to your surprise the door creaks open, no one presumably in the room…

You could’ve sworn Jungkook was home? You double check the restroom, making sure it wasn’t going to be an incident like last time, but this time he really wasn’t there. The voice of reasoning versus temptation now had you completely torn. You remember the day Jungkook first moved in, and how secretive he got over you seeing whatever it was inside his boxes, and the night after your date and how stern he was about you not entering.

Slowly you push open the door of his room, completely forgetting Hobi’s words and deciding that it was either now or never. You knew you were a pushing boundary that you shouldn’t be, but a part of you also felt like it had to be done. Maybe if you found out what was bothering Jungkook so much, you could help him.

Honestly, you weren't too sure on what you expected when you first entered. Considering how secretive Jungkook was about it, you sorta assumed the room would be all black and have a whole bunch of weird things hanging across the walls, but surprisingly his room looked completely normal. The bed covers were a navy blue color that matched with some of the artwork he had hung across the beige colored apartment walls. The drawers were plain and boring while his desk looked like any other ordinary desk:  stacked with random sketches, pens, One piece manga, and printed webtoons. If this is all he was hiding, then it really no made sense because there was literally nothing to hide….

That was until you saw the closed closet door, and once you opened it, you were blown away. For what was behind those closet doors was an entire memorabilia of awards, belts, photos, and trophies which you assumed were all Jungkook’s, newspapers from the states with headlines that spoke of how amazing Jungkook was. Many of them include the words “rising”, “prodigy”,  and “the next big thing”. Your eyes try to take everything in all in one go, but it was just so much. There were papers that were written about him even when he was a kid, pictures of his with several belts around his waist amazed you. This was insane.

But it wasn’t until you noticed the newspaper headline of the paper hung right in the center of the practical shrine that the smile from your face fell, as it read, “Prodigy Jeon Jungkook, K.O’d in Round 12 against Brandon Star.” You look at the date, and everything begins to start making sense. The date which read December 1, 2018, only a couple of weeks prior to your first meeting with him at New Years, the churning feeling in your stomach only becoming heavier as you read the newspaper next to it. “Rising Star, Jeon Jungkook, disappears. Where is he now?” it reads, and as you skim through the different articles, the whole memorabilia shrine begins to make sense. Jungkook didn’t have this here for the purpose of maintaining old memories, but for the purpose of constantly reminding himself of what he once was and how he ended up failing, torturing himself to say the least. It’d explain his pent up anger when you first met him, the scar was still fresh.

Grabbing one of the trophies from the memorabilia desk, you observe the glass material and admire its fine detail, Jungkook’s name written in cursive underneath the title. Slowly your fingers graze over it, whispering his name to yourself, “Jeon Ju—”

“What do you think you’re doing?” a voice harshly interrupts, scaring you and causing you to jump. The slippery trophy in your hands falling to floors, several pieces of glass now shattered onto the floor. Turning to face the owner of the voice, your heart stops when you find Jungkook staring at the floor, an expressionless look on his face.

“I—” your brain completely freezes, only staring at his balled up fist which was becoming more red with every passing second.

“I told you—” he closes his eyes, letting out an exasperated breath, “I told you to stay the fuck out of my room,” he finally snaps, his enraged voice echoing across the walls of the room, “So then why, why the fuck are you in here right now!” he moves towards you, his face now becoming red in anger. Not caring whether he was stepping on glass or not.

“I know but—”

He cuts you off, “But fucking what? There’s no reason you should even be in here right now y/n! None!” he screams, his rage only furthering with every word. Tears begin to well up in your eyes as you stammer to defend yourself. “How would you feel like if I barged into your room and destroyed something personal of yours, huh?”  

All you can do is stare at him, never seeing him this enraged before, the sight definitely a scary one, “Answer me goddamit!” he yells, his fist still balled up, holding himself back from punching anything. He looks down at the broken glass one more time, his chest now heaving in anger before storming out the room.

Quickly you follow him, chills going down your spine when you see him turn to your room.

“What are you—” you begin, but it’s too late. Everything happens in slow motion, from the fist being thrown to the sound of the canvas you’d been working so long on cracking, several holes and rips appearing soon after. You look at the scene in front of you in silence, shock running through your veins, and the need to vomit stronger than ever before. Jungkook breathes heavily, staring at what he’s just done, not feeling a single ounce of remorse.

The closing feeling in your throat is one that’s too overwhelming, but the anger you were now feeling was even stronger, “What is wrong with you,” you whisper, tears falling down from your eyes, a look of terror overtaking your face, “What is wrong with you!” you scream, lips trembling as your voice breaks at just how loud you were. Jungkook feels his blood run cold, taken back by your sudden outburst.

“I have been nothing but kind to you since the day we’ve met, nothing but!” you yell, hot tears uncontrollably falling from your hysteria.

Jungkook scoffs, yelling right in return, “Do you want some kind of reward for that? Is that it? Is that all this is? Another ego booster for you so you can pat yourself on the back and say you’re a good person!”

“I don’t need anything from anyone! Especially not from someone like you,” you spit, Jungkook’s jaw clenching at your response.

“Ah I knew that nice ol princess act was nothing more than mere bullshit,” he bitterly laughs, “finally had enough of your whole little treat everyone with kindness moral?” he mocks you.

“It’s not a fucking act, I’m just not a miserable person like you!” you grit your teeth, the temptation to throw something at him at an all time high.

“No you just live in this big old fantasy bubble that’s got you believing that kindness solves all the world's problems!”

“Yeah well it’s better than thinking that being a fucking prick to the rest of the world gets you anywhere, I mean look at where you’re at now!” you yell, knowing you were treading on thin ice, but you didn’t care at all anymore. The ice was shattered the moment he destroyed your painting, “I understand that I made a mistake going into your room, but you don’t have to take the rest of your miserable life out on me! You think everyone around you wants to be some kind of punching bag all the time for you?” the veins in your neck begin to pop out, and you almost feel as if your chest was going to physically explode at any moment, “How dare you come in here and treat everyone around you like complete shit all because you’re living a sad tragic life!”

“That’s not true,” he snarls, a scowl on his face.

“Isn’t it?” you scoff, “You’ve done it since the first day you got here, and so let me do the favor of telling you the truth and giving you a goddamn reality check! We’re all sick and tired of it! Just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean you get to make everyone around you as well! And let me tell you, I’ll be damned if I let someone like you make me just as rotten as yourself,” and for a small second you see the hurt across Jungkook’s face, and you think maybe you’ve gone too far. 

Maybe this could’ve all been prevented had you never entered his room. But then you think to yourself that no, this was bound to happen. This was always going to happen whether you liked it or not. The questions had always just been: when was it going to happen and what was going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back? By now both of your chests are heaving, and there’s a silence that fills the room. Time acts as nothing more than an illusion.

“Is that what you really think?” he says, a cold hardened expression on his face again, “That I make you miserable?” You look at the destroyed painting on the floor, a symbol that despite building and making something so beautiful, all it took was one slip of the finger for it all to go down the drain. Without saying anything, you slowly nod to him, the emptiness in your heart acting as a driving force.

“What the—” Hobi walks in the room, dazed and confused, “What the fuck is going on in here?” He asks, but the two of you remain silent, continuing to stare at one another.

That is until Jungkook breaks away from the stare, muttering a small “nothing,” under his breath, walking out of the room and going back to his own, the door loudly slamming shut.

“Y/N…” Hobi begins, but you cut him off before he even gets the chance, a tiresome expression on your face.

“Hobi,” you shake your head, “Just leave me alone!,” you snap at him, but it comes out more as a plea than a demand, voice completely weary. Hobi stares at you for a moment before doing so, gently closing the door when making his way out. Once you hear the sound of the door close, you squat down to the floor, fingers grazing the painting you’d work so hard on, a muffled sob finally escaping from your lips.

a/n: whew! originally this was supposed to be nothing more than a small drabble, but as i kept writing it just ended becoming this monstrous of a fic that i had to split into two lmao. hopefully i didn’t make the switches between present day and the past too confusing for y’all.  part two will probably be up by next friday, once my finals week is over :)) any messages, anons, comments, reblogs, and like are appreciated! see y’all next time! 💞

[ren-therose]

The Penthouse Plot

Sherlock X F!Reader (3.8k words)

Summary: Sherlock, John and Reader all go to a penthouse party to pick up some clues about their newest case. But Y/N and Sherlock are put in a compromising situation. 

Warnings: smut 18+, semi-public sex, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it kids), creampie, squirting, after care

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“We are going to a party”

This was an incredibly abrupt statement from the detective who was still in pajamas at four in the afternoon, slouched down into the arm chair with the news paper covering his face. I couldn’t see his emotions, but I could tell that the idea had already been formulated, and he had not quite been excited out of it. His boredom was chronic, and it would often times only be soothed by myself to get him out of it. 

The first time we met, I was sitting on a park bench in Paddington Street Gardens, not but two blocks away from his flat. As if drawn to the cigarette I was smoking, he walked up as casually as he could, coat turned up, and sat on the bench over from my left. I didn’t look, but I was aware that a tall, dark man was watching me as I tried to solve today's crossword in the paper. 

He leaned closer, trying to take in the smoke for the nicotine high. With a slight glance his way, it was all I needed to take the cigarette from my mouth in my left hand, and casually rest it on the bench next to me. I blew out the smoke to the right side of my mouth though, purposefully keeping it from him, allowing my lips to guide the smoke in a stream to dissipate into the morning air. Still looking at the crossword, I began filling in 20 across, feeling a sense of intrigue and frustration emanating from the man next to me. 

“It’s not diva, its aria,” a deep voice says. I smirk, not looking up to his face quite yet. 

“No shit, Sherlock. 18 down is ‘erie’, so why would I put down diva?” I inquire, but before he could answer, I reply myself. “I was proving my hypothesis: is the detective next to me just trying to second-hand smoke, or is he actually paying attention to me? And the answer was both.”

He stands and comes to sit on my right side, not looking at me directly. The cigarette dangling from my lip wasn’t his main concern anymore. 

“How quickly did you realize it is only an herbal cigarette Mr. Holmes?” I ask, erasing my trap from 20 across. 

“As soon as I first looked at you. You have no stains on your fingers from the smoke, as well as no burns, which tells me you don’t smoke often. If you were a smoker, you would need at least a pack a day, and these tell-tale signs would be there. You don’t need to smoke because there isn’t an addiction. I presume you do it to attract men, though possibly women too, and to fit into the culture of London, as you are not from here. But you specifically looked up this park because you were looking for something or someone. I would presume it is me, considering you recognized me through my name” he says smuggly, finally looking at me. I didn’t know it then, but he later explained that he was shocked to see the prominence of my “subtle beauty”, and the way in which I held posture in every way that symbolized I was relaxed next to him. This of course was followed by the fact that I was so comfortable that I had gained a pound within the first year of knowing him. 

“So you are as good as they say,” I reply, looking up into his clear blue eyes. Those eyes dart down to my lips where the cigarette is still being held by the moisture of my mouth. I remove it, holding out the cigarette between my fingers. “I can imagine it is worlds different from a regular cigarettes addictive effects, but the smell of smoke and the herbs inside might calm you,” I offer. He leans down and takes the cigarette in his mouth, inhaling deeply. I let go of the cigarette as he leans back and removes it. He exhales out, happy to have something other than CO2 leave his lungs. 

“You could have phoned” he said nonchalantly. I closed the newspaper and turned my body slightly more towards him. 

“No I couldn’t. This isn’t about a case or me looking for my parents or some shit. I needed you to listen. I am a doctor and I am looking for the topic of my next publication” I state. His eyes widen a bit, as he gives me a once over. I was quite young to have a doctorate, but the ambition I have was intriguing to him.

“Great, another doctor. And you must study some form of psychology right?” he implies. 

I chuckle as I brush the hair behind my ear to look at him as I explain my credentials. 

“BA in a social science and a minor in Women's Studies and Gender, just to make it easier on you. Two masters in something to do with policy and a knack for behavior trends across cultures. A PhD in…” I trail off to let him figure it out. 

“International Relations. You couldn’t let go of the need to work abroad and help other. You also study the difference in human behaviors and how it can be interpreted and persuaded. It is why you are now living in London, after living in a southern European country, and I’m going to go with Italy” he responds. 

I raise my eyebrow at him. “Italy was fun. I spent most of the time on the mainland with a friend and would visit their family in Sardinia”. 

“He was gay wan’t he?”

“Not that he himself knew.”

The detective laughed. It was the beginning of a friendship, with many late nights, bad coffee and fighting. I lived in the basement of 221 Baker Street, after coming to a bargain price with Mrs. Hudson if I agreed to get rid of the black mold and redo the space for future renters. When I asked her why she was already thinking of future renters, she just smiled and told me Sherlock's door was open and I could just walk in. 

Now, a year and a half later, I was in his flat, in my own night gown and robe, working on pot of tea to make a London foggy, one of Sherlocks favorite drinks I could make. I had told him that if he got to work in his pajamas, or just a sheet at times, then he couldn’t expect anything less of me. But his abrupt statement that we were going to a party had me do a double take. 

“A party? Are we feeling like clubbing tonight Sherlock?” I tease. 

“It is just a bit of field work. But I need you to come with as my date so that I am not bothered by lonely, sad women.”

“Ah yes. All the lonely, sad women will flock to the handsome, cocky detective for comfort and an inquisitive night,” I mock, bringing the tea to him. 

“Isn’t that what you did?” He says without looking up. 

Offended, I grab the paper from his hands and smack him on the head with it. He flinched, protecting his tea from me. 

“Haven’t you figured it out by now? I’m here for John” I say, tossing the paper into his lap. Sherlocks mouth slightly gapes before he snaps it shut, looking behind me. 

“I’m sorry, what did I just walk in on?” John says from the doorway. Sherlock turns red as I walk up to John, pulling my leg up on him, placing my hand on his cheek while giving him a lingering kiss on the other, maintaining eye contact with Sherlock. “Afternoon John,” I say with a flirtatious growl. He didn’t move since my dramatic act, and as I exited the apartment to get ready, I hear John exclaim “I could get used to that kind of welcome”. I laugh as I hear the paper get thrown at the doctor. 

Two hours later, and a lot of fighting with a curling wand, I hear a knock at my door. I do a once-over of myself in the mirror. It was a high-end party, requiring a more put together look, and I was determined to look my best. In helping Sherlock and John, I realized that I rarely dressed up-practicality and professionalism is key. 

I put my phone into my handbag, and slipped my feet into my black pointed stilettos. One more once-over in the mirror next to the door, and I unlatched the lock. As soon as I opened it, the detective couldn’t help but let his eyes wander. My hair was in loose curls around my face, and the dress, oh the dress, flattered my body in every way. It was a silk green dress, that hugged every curve. It was ruched in the sides, creating a tight draping across my abdomen. The fabric on my bust sat just below the tops of my breasts, and dropped to my off-the-shoulder sleeves. I was wearing a simple emerald necklace with matching earrings, and a ruby ring on my left hand. My legs were well accentuated, and the stilettos did wonders for my posture. Still, I was the same girl in pajamas at this now well suited man's place as I was now. 

“You’re giving yourself away Detective,” I flirt, walking by him to climb the stairs to the front of the building. I make extra care to add a little movement as I climb, knowing he would be right behind me and very distracted. It was my favorite game to tease both of the boys, but especially Sherlock. It was always a game, and he loved games. As I exited the building, John was waiting for us outside, also dressed sharply. His eyes widened as I walked towards him. 

“In the words of a great detective, ‘Your body betrays you’ John. It’s still me inside this get-up. Now where is the cab?” I ask. 

“Umm...uh, there hasn’t been an available one yet...” he forces out. 

London was busy on a Saturday night, and it could often be difficult to find a cab. Lucky for us, my dress is pretty reflective, and I was going to use that to my advantage. I stepped off the curb just slightly, jutting out my shoulder blades and putting my weight on one foot to give myself more shape. By the time I had raised my hand, two taxis pulled up. I heard a cough behind me, Mr. Holmes and Dr. Watson both smirking at me. 

“I’m sorry, did you have a better idea?” I shoot at them. I open the door for myself and climb into the cab. The two men clambered in after me. 

The party was at a lovely high-rise in the middle of London. It looked to be a penthouse, but one grander than I had ever seen. As the three of us exited the elevator, we looked at each other once more, setting our plan in motion. John was to walk around and mingle, while Sherlock and I were to snoop about the place, looking for context clues. I grabbed a flute of champagne from one of the trays, and Sherlock and I began our promenade. We quickly realized that I was drawing a bit too much attention in my get-up and we would need to look around before people noticed we were gone. Our arms entwined, we strolled past the main crowd into a hallway, casually chatting the weather. The detectives hand was on my waist, holding tightly, as though I might leave his side. It was different than they way he usually grabbed my arm to move me around or out of the way of harm. 

We were looking for the bedroom of our hosts place, though, it did not seem there was one here. The penthouse was more of a party pad then a living space, which lends more to our profile of him. We continued to walk, and came across a study. His hand slid off my waist as he entered the room. I stood outside with my drink, while Sherlock took note of every little detail there. As he came out of the room though, I heard footprints coming round the corner. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the bathroom next to the study. As I pushed him in, our eyes searched each other for the next move that we hadn’t initially planned. Though we were going as a date, it was never really a date. Until now. 

Grabbing the lapels of the detectives suit, I slammed my lips on his, pushing us both backwards onto the sink. Knowing that he was more recognizable. I spun him around so that my back was to the sink and his was to the door. I jumped on to the sink, hiking up my dress a little higher, so that I could hook one leg around his waist. Instinctively, his right hand went to my leg to hold it up, and his left hand was in my hair. 

His lips. I had seen them a million times before, studying his face as he rambled about a case. While he was just a colleague and possibly a friend, there were a few times when I would fall asleep thinking about those lips. And here he was, kissing me on a bathroom sink at a party, with enough force to make me melt into it. My hand went to his hair, as he began to trail kisses down my neck, hiding his face in me so that his reflection could not be seen. My other hand was gripping his waist, trying not to slip into the sink itself. My shoe was dangling on my toes as our bodies continued to crash. We heard the door click open, and my eyes opened to see the host and his assistant wide-eyed at us. 

“Occupied,” I panted, smiling with a small wave. The two quickly shut the door, their footprints receding down the hallway. As soon as it was quiet, Sherlock froze on my collarbone, neither of us moving for a moment. I removed my hand from his hair, trying to pat it back into place. He stood up, and looked down at me. My dress had ridden up further, and my black lace panties were definitely on display. So was the red in both of our faces. I glanced over his shoulder to look at the door, realizing that there was a lock on it. Sherlock didn’t look back. He kept his eyes on me. 

He knew there was a lock. He wanted the situation. He wanted to get caught.

“Lock it” I demanded.

He took a few steps back and turned the button, locking the door. His eyes didn’t leave me. I was still propped up against the sink, both hands propped up behind me. My legs had still been open, and as his eyes raked over my body looked, I grew self-conscious and went to close them. But he stepped towards me, grabbing my lower thigh. I hesitantly opened myself back up for him. His hand moved up my thigh, while the other wrapped around my waist, drawing himself closer to me. I placed a hand on his chest, running it up until it was at the nape of his neck, playing with his soft, black curls. I gently tugged him toward me, and our lips attached once more. This time, it was more more sensual. Taking the time to just allow ourselves to feel one another. As he pulled away, I let out a small gasp as I felt his growing bulge against my clothed core. 

He seized the opportunity to kiss me again, letting his tongue wander and explore my mouth, pulling me as close as I could be to him. He pushed himself against me, causing a soft moan to escape, as I involuntarily rolled against him. He smirked against my mouth, moving once more against me. I hissed, feeling myself grow wetter. 

Sherlock pulled me off the sink, wrapping both of my legs around him before pinning me against the wall. I was sitting just on top of his cock, and the friction was even more frustrating. I grinded down on him, kissing his neck, while leaving small bites in between. I needed more though. I unwrapped my legs, and he lowered me to the ground. When he placed me down, I kissed him with passion while I started to undo his trousers. He walked backwards to the sink, leaning up against it, as I palmed him through his suit. His low groan made me quiver as I licked a long stripe up his neck to his ear, wear I softly bit the lobe. This drove him crazy.

Pants still undone, he whipped us around so that I was against the sink again. He pulled my dress up enough so that he could hook his fingers in the lace of my panties and pull them down. He lifted me up on to the sink to get them off of me. He worked them past my heels, and placed both of his hands on my thighs, rubbing circles into them with his thumb. His forehead was resting on mine and we were both breathing in sync. I opened my legs for him, as he traced his way between my legs. The violinist in him was showing, and he was going to work out the tension and boredom he had been feeling all day. His fingers came in contact with me, running through my folds. He went from my clit down to my opening, just toying with me. I let out a whimper as he placed his middle finger just barely inside of me. He slowly pushed his digit inside of me, causing a guttural groan to escape. I bucked into his hand, desperate for more. He pumped it casually, as if he had done this to me a million times and knew how I would react. He then slipped a second finger into me, causing me to emit another moan. 

“Please Sherlock. No games,” was all I could manage. 

He began to pump his fingers in a come-hither motion, curling them to hit my g-spot. I gasped with every movement, keeping as quiet as I could. He was working his way to get me as wet as I could be for him. I was starting to feel the tension in my stomach build when he placed his thumb on my clit and made sharp movements with it. I cried out, gripping his shoulders for support. I was going to need him soon if he wanted to me to finish with his cock inside me. But he kept pumping and rubbing, watching as my face conveyed every emotion he had ever made me feel. My arm wrapped around his neck, as I could barely keep myself up anymore. 

“Sherlock, you-you’re gonna..m-make me..c-cum…” I stutter out. I am rocking against his hand, chasing what I can’t stop. This only urges him more, as he quickens his pace. Without warning, I cum all over his finger with a cry. But he doesn’t stop. He continues to work my pussy, until I gasp out “I’m...I’m gonna squirt”. He steps out from between my legs, his fingers not stopping. As he steps to the side, he leans in to my ear and finally says something. 

“Show me”. 

It was all it took for my orgasm to elongate itself, as I squirted on his hand. I couldn’t stop and was shaking, barely able to keep myself up. I almost crumpled backwards before he caught me. Once again, he was between my legs, his hands on my neck and waist. I reached for his painfully hard cock, pulling it from his pants. I started stroking him, causing his eyes to flutter close. I was still coming down from what he had done with just his fingers, but I needed his dick inside me. I looked up at him, and said something that I knew would only boost his ego, and he would probably use against me later. 

“Mr. Holmes, I need you inside me, now”. 

His eyes shot open, as I looked back at him with lust-blown eyes. My hand was still wrapped around his cock, slowly pumping him. He and his god-complex were completely enamoured with my new take of teasing him. I lined his cock at my entrance, but not before teasing him through my folds. Just that little movement caused goosebumps to erupt on my skin. As I put his tip in my entrance, he searched my eyes once more for the consent he needed. I pushed myself onto him a little, letting him know he could take me. He leaned in, pushing his length all the way into me. I let out a loud gasp, wrapping my arm around his neck once more, my other hand on his back. I was still throbbing from my previous orgasm, and I knew he could feel my warm pulse inside me. He slowly pulled out, and then quickly sheathed himself inside me again. Our pelvises were against each other and his gently movements drove me crazy. I let out a cry of ecstasy, letting my head roll back, exposing my neck. He kissed it gently, and then, lifted me off the counter and back against the wall. All I could do was struggle to remain quiet as he began quick thrusts deep into me, relentlessly hitting my sweet spot. He was open mouthed against my neck, breathing erratically as he continued to hold me up. 

“You feel, s-so g-good,” I moaned, urging him to continue. He loved it when I complimented him, he had always been that way. But to be inside me as I told him how much I loved his cock, it was heaven for him. The guttural sounds from his throat proved to me that he felt the same.

“Y/n, I’m not gonna last much longer” he said, as though it would deter me. As he began to remove himself, I grabbed his face to look at me. 

“I want you to cum inside, Detective,” I whisper, wrapping my legs tighter around him to prove my point. 

His eyes widened searching my face as I was in taking all of him, bouncing on his dick in a penthouse bathroom, loving everything he did. Seeing what he could do to me, looking into my eyes as I stifled my moans, he began to stutter inside of me. I was on the edge too, and when his hot rope of cum shooted inside of me, my own orgasm exploded, milking him of the rest of his cum. 

When we had both stilled, frozen with him still inside me, we could hear the party still going and the noise of London below us. He pulled his softening cock from me and as he did, our cum dripped down my thigh. My legs were incredibly weak, as he continued to hold me up. I reached for a hand towel to clean me up, but he beat me to it, wiping up and between my legs, careful not to cause pain from the sensitivity. He picked up my underwear that he had tossed on the ground somewhere, and helped me step back into it. I was still shaky if I bent my legs, but I knew he would hold me up. As we looked at each other, there was something new we both saw. Romance. The sexual chemistry that had been there was a response to the catalyst of romance. 

Before we could discuss the aftermath of our actions though, there was a loud banging on the door. Smoothing out my dress just past the door, Sherlock opened it to find John, arms crossed, waiting outside.   

“Are you shitting me Sherlock? You look like you just took a hit of something. Did you seriously lose Y/N at this party because you were trying to get hi…”

The door widened to reveal me, just behind Sherlock, makeup slightly down my fae, and both of our hair tousled. I smiled at John, knowing it wasn’t what he had expected. His jaw dropped, “Tha..you were,,,um...has this been long or...?” Dr. Watson stuttered. 

“No John, that was the first time and it won’t be the last” he said, grabbing my arm and pulling me past him. 

“Don’t be too jealous John,” I said with a wink. 

John didn’t know what to say except, “Are we done here?”

Sherlock and I walked arm in arm down the hallway, casting back a look at John as if to say “What do you think?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

This was my first oneshot and was it trash? Yeah, maybe. So if you know me, no you don’t :)

Leave suggestions if you’d like, I’m writing smut I can’t find. 

[xxdragonwriterxx]

Hi! how about one where Levi and his fem s/o sleep together for the first time and reader finds out that Levi sleep talking about how much he loves her and that he's very lucky to have her in his life. The next morning when they wake up reader teases him about it and he's very embarassed? Thank you so much, I’m sorry for my bad English. I love you❤️

A/N: Hello anon! 💕Thank you so much for requesting, this idea just had my heart melting and I loved it because I sleep talk all the time (when I actually manage to sleep) so it was fun to write based on experience (curtesy of my sis & friends telling me about my sleep talk endeavors). I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to get it out to you, my ADHD has been really out of control lately. I really struggle with it sometimes, so I hope I didn’t keep you waiting for too long. I’ve also been having horrible migraines on and off for the past couple days so that’s what the beginning of the story was inspired by 😅. Thank you so much for your patience, I really appreciate it. Also your english is absolutely fine, love! I hope this is what you were looking for! ❤️

🐉Song Recommendation: “The Ghost on the Shore” By: Lord Huron” 🐉

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🔥Woman of My Dreams 🔥

(Y/N) knew she was supposed to be working, helping Captain Levi with his massive load of paperwork, but she couldn’t focus for the life of her, too distracted by the pained look on her captain’s face. He must’ve felt her watching him, because he glanced up at her, his eyes distant and slightly glazed but narrowed, silently telling her to get back to work. She scowled at him and turned her gaze back to the stack of proposals in her lap, chewing on the end of her pen as she attempted to refocus on the words in front of her. Despite her best efforts, her mind kept straying back to the raven-haired man at his desk, his occasional grunts and annoyed sighs alerting her to his struggle.

(Y/N) was always in awe of her boyfriend’s work ethic, constantly left wondering how someone with so much stress could still manage to push forward. He never seemed to fail at anything he tried, and he constantly pushed his mind and body to the limits, foregoing the need for rest and food in favor of getting everything done in one night. But while that part of her would always be proud of him and his ability to do so much, another part of her hated it. She hated how he’d sacrifice his own health for the sake of others, pushing himself until his body nearly shut down. Tonight, was one of those nights.

She knew Levi had a horrendous migraine. He was usually prone to the headaches that seemed to crack the skull open, but this one seemed particularly awful. He was constantly massaging his forehead and his eyes were unfocused and filled with pain. Tiny whimpers and groans would occasionally escape him, showing her just how much it was affecting him. Levi was usually able to push through the pain and suffer in silence, but this migraine of his seemed intent on making him as miserable as possible. He hadn’t finished more than two pages of work since they had started, and it was clear he was nearing his breaking point.

Knowing his preference for powering through the pain, (Y/N) usually left him to his own devices when he had a migraine like this, trying to make his life easier in more subtle ways like bringing him tea and helping him with more paperwork than usual, but this time, she refused to ignore it. It was clear he was too stubborn to admit he needed to rest and someone had to look after him and make sure he didn’t kill himself.

Setting the remaining reports off to the side, (Y/N) stood from his couch and made her way over to her lover. Before he could react, (Y/N) leaned over and snatched the pen he held from his grasp, throwing it behind her so it could land randomly somewhere in the office.

“(Y/N)! What the hell?” Levi snapped, his voice raspy and filled with exhaustion.

“I’m tired of watching you work yourself to the bone. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Levi shook his head, “(Y/N), I’m fine.”

(Y/N) crossed her arms, “Like hell you are. Now, stop being stubborn and step away from the desk.”

“Don’t forget who you’re talking to, (Y/N),” Levi said darkly with a huff. “I am still your captain.”

“Well you won’t be anymore if you overwork yourself to death,” (Y/N) retorted. “And don’t forget who you’re talking to. I’m your girlfriend, which means it’s my job to worry about your wellbeing, especially if you refuse to do it yourself.”

Levi glared at her, but he was secretly touched by her sentiment. It had taken him a while to get used to the feeling of being loved and cared for, but once he had, he had grown greedy for it. He never showed it, still uncomfortable at the idea of being vulnerable around others, even his own lover, but he would always love how she doted on him, how she made him feel like he was worth something. That if he died, he wouldn’t just be mourned because humanity had lost its strongest soldier. He would be missed, remembered for the man he was rather than just how society had painted him to be. His eyes roved over her usually kind face, now twisted into a frown as she glared right back at him, refusing to back down without getting him the rest he needed. He honestly didn’t know why he was being so stubborn, he knew she was right, but he still struggled to accept her help, almost feeling weak for succumbing to something as trivial as a migraine.

As if she could read his mind, her gaze softened and she let out a gentle sigh. Moving around his desk to stand behind him, she leaned down and laid her hands on his shoulders, squeezing and massaging the muscles with her firm fingers. Levi was embarrassed by how quickly he reacted to her touch, immediately leaning back into her grip. His head lolled against the back of his chair and his eyes closed in bliss, temporarily ignoring the blistering pain in his head.

“Feel good?”

Levi hummed.

“See? Accepting help doesn’t make you any less of a man. Getting the rest and relaxation your body needs doesn’t make you weak by any means. Everyone needs the proper energy to take care of themselves, you especially. You’re too important to lose, especially to something as pointless as self neglect. So please stop working tonight, for me.”

Levi was silent for a moment, fighting with himself over the urge to finish his work anyway or fall victim once again to your undeniable charms as well as the insistent demands of his own body. Just as he was about to open his mouth, ready to attempt one last refute, a fresh wave of pain washed over him, making him gasp. A hand flew to his head, his teeth gritted in pain as his very skull seemed to throb. Through the haze, he vaguely felt (Y/N)’s hands tighten on his shoulders and knew there was no way he was going to get out of this. Once she had made up her mind about something, there was no changing it.

For once, Levi didn’t fight it when (Y/N) guided him to stand from his chair, biting his tongue to keep from gasping in pain as the sudden movement made his head split. He stumbled and started to fall, only to be caught by his lover, the strong woman bearing his entire weight as if he were nothing but a feather. A light blush made its way to his cheeks despite the pain that was starting to make his vision blur. He  knew he shouldn’t be shocked, she was in his Special Operations squad for a reason, but she never failed to impress him with her unexpected strength. (Y/N) walked slowly and carefully, making sure to avoid jostling him as she made her way to his bedroom. Nudging the door open, (Y/N) picked her way over to his bedside and pulled the sheets back before gently easing him onto the mattress, ignoring his protests when she began stripping him of his uniform.

His blush got a little darker as she worked on removing his clothes. Their relationship wasn’t new, but it hadn’t been very long either, and they still hadn’t crossed the boundary of physical intimacy yet. He knew she had no ill intent, but it still didn’t stop him from feeling relatively shy at the thought of her seeing him without his uniform.

(Y/N) felt butterflies in her stomach with each article she removed, but she shoved down her embarrassment and awe at his breathtaking form and focused on making him as comfortable as possible. She stopped once he was finally stripped to his boxers and neatly folded his uniform to place on the lone chair in the corner of his room, knowing it would bother him all night if it was thrown around half-hazardly.

Levi’s soft groan of pain brought her back to his bedside, and she quickly shimmied the blankets out from under his legs so she could throw them over his body, taking the extra time to tuck him in as comfortably as possible. As soon as he was nestled beneath the soft blankets, (Y/N) moved to his bathroom to get him some water, holding the glass to his lips for a few sips to help lessen some of the pressure in his head. Finally, she left to grab a small bucket to place beside him just in case he had to vomit in the middle of the night, knowing it might be difficult for him to reach the bathroom if he was dizzy and disoriented.

Placing her hands on her hips, (Y/N) surveyed her work, nodding once she was satisfied with his set up. Flashing him a sweet smile, (Y/N) turned for his bedroom door, her eyes soft and full of love as she watched him.

“Goodnight, Levi, I hope you feel better,” She said, opening the door and stepping through it.

“(Y/N).”

(Y/N) paused, her hand on the edge of the door as she peered back around to look at him, “Yes?”

“Stay with me. Please?” Levi asked, the blush on his cheeks getting even darker as he averted his gaze.

(Y/N)’s eyes widened in shock. She and Levi had been dating for nearly six months and yet he had never asked her something like this. She knew they were going at a slow pace, she knew Levi struggled with expressing his emotions, but she had always been content to go at whatever pace he was comfortable with, knowing he was still very new to the idea of a relationship. It had taken him several weeks for him to even get to the point of treating her differently than the other soldiers on his squad. 

She had never doubted his love for her, even when her friends had seemed skeptical in the beginning. She could see it in his eyes, but it had taken him a long time to be able to express those hidden feelings physically and vocally. She didn’t mind, she was fine with being patient and had waited for him to come to her, allowing him to have the time he needed to find his words and indulge in discovering his own love language. It was fun in a way, a little adventure between the two of them. It made every new sign of affection from him mean so much more than normal; every head pat, every kiss, every hug, making her feel as if she had just conquered the world.

It was because of those experiences that she was able to understand the importance of this moment. Her shy, reclusive, severely touch-starved boyfriend asking her to share his bed with him, exposing that vulnerability to her, albeit innocently, was a huge step in a new direction for him.

The thought made her nervous, not wanting to impose on his personal space or make him uncomfortable with her, but it also filled her with immense pride. He trusted her and only her to be around him when he was at his most vulnerable.

Swallowing her anxiety, (Y/N) nodded and shut the door again. Picking her way across the room, she quietly maneuvered her way to his bedside and slid beneath the covers beside him, trying to make as little noise and movement as possible to avoid causing more pain to his head.

Levi grunted a little as he shifted onto his side, facing away from her while she reached over to the bedside table to diffuse the lantern flame, bathing the room in darkness. Levi felt (Y/N) shift until she was laying on her side, facing his broad back, the covers pulled up to her shoulders.

“Goodnight Levi,” (Y/N) murmured.

“Mmm, goodnight,” Levi muttered, the pain in his head coupled with her soothing presence making him drowsier than normal.

(Y/N) smiled when she felt Levi fall asleep, his light snores and gentle breathing filling the otherwise silent air. She was glad he was finally getting some rest, but she knew she would be up for a while. She had had insomnia for as long as she could remember and knew it would be a long time before her brain would shut up long enough for her to get some rest. It was that shared trait between her and the Captain that had allowed her to get close to him in the first place, late night talks with tea leading to moonlit confessions on the roof of their headquarters.

(Y/N)’s smile widened at the memory, and how uncharacteristically nervous the normally stoic Captain had been when he had turned to her that fateful night and practically spat his feelings at her. She knew how hard it had been for him to admit them to her, and she had a small inclination to say that Erwin and Hanji may have been the ones to force him to do it, but that just made the memory all the more special to her. It showed her that he really did care for her, that he was willing to lower his carefully structured walls and bare his battered heart for her alone. It was why it didn’t bother her that he didn’t shower her with compliments. It was why she was never disheartened by his lack of physical or vocal affection. 

She’d be lying if she claimed she didn’t get a little lonely sometimes, and she couldn’t say she didn’t sometimes wish he could call her beautiful without hesitation, but she didn’t let it get to her. She loved him, and she knew he  loved her, so she’d wait for however long it took for him to grow comfortable around her, even if that meant she had to reel back her own feelings for a while.

Closing her eyes, (Y/N) was trying to coax sleep to take her when a sudden quiet murmur made her open them again. She waited, wondering if she had imagined the noise, when she suddenly heard it again. It was soft, and very quiet, but it was no doubt the voice of her lover, muttering something. She knew there was no way he was talking to her, he would’ve spoken louder than that if he was. 

The thought made her stifle a surprised giggle as she suddenly realized that Levi was talking in his sleep. She knew he’d be embarrassed if he found out she was listening, but she couldn’t help herself, her ears straining to try to catch some of the words. Silence settled over the room once more for a moment, nothing but the distant sound of the wind blowing outside filling the air, but soon enough, the murmurs started back up again, more recognizable words spilling from his lips the longer he talked to himself.

“No…, that’s not…mmm.”

“S-Stop that!”

“Mmph, no… I’m not...”

(Y/N) stifled another laugh as Levi started getting feisty in his sleep, turning to face her with a slight frown marring his features. His eyes were still firmly shut, confirming that he was indeed sleep talking, but the argument he was having with some unknown person in his head seemed to only be getting more intense.

“That’s not true!” Levi suddenly shouted, his voice raspy and muffled by his pillow.

“What’s not true, Levi?” (Y/N) whispered, deciding to tease him a bit. She knew he would probably be annoyed later, but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, she wasn’t about to pass it up.

“That’s not true.” Levi said again, his voice lowering in volume but hardening in tone, “Of course I show affection!”

(Y/N) brought a hand to her mouth and bit her knuckle, trying to keep her giggles from waking him up, “Oh, really? When do you usually show affection?”

Levi’s frown deepened and his jaw tightened, “I show affection when I’m with (Y/N).”

(Y/N) blinked, not expecting her name to come up in this midnight conversation. Lowering her hand from her lips, (Y/N) sat up to rest on her elbows, her eyes sparkling as she looked down at her sleeping lover.

“How do you show (Y/N) affection?” she asked, curious to see what he would say.

Levi let out a quiet, defeated sigh, his frown disappearing into an expression that looked unexpectedly like guilt.

“Listen, Hanji, I…” Levi trailed off for a while, the air thick with (Y/N)’s curiosity. So, it was Hanji he was talking to in whatever dream he was having. The thought spiked her curiosity even further, making her heart pound in her chest. It wasn’t uncommon that Levi would be annoyed with Hanji, so the argument at the beginning of his dream made sense, but he almost never talked about his relationship with anyone but Erwin, not trusting the energetic scientist to keep from teasing him and spreading rumors about them. She knew they were together of course, that was impossible to hide from her, but he always denied her details whenever she asked.

“Shit… I… I can’t believe I’m about to do this…” Levi muttered, a slight scowl reappearing on his features.

“Do what?” (Y/N) whispered.

Levi took a deep breath, his fingers curling around the edge of the sheets to squeeze in his fist, as if he was being forced to do something unpleasant, “Hanji, I need your help.”

(Y/N) had to fight to hold back a genuinely shocked gasp. Even when he was just dreaming, she had never imagined in her entire life that she would hear that sentence come out of his mouth. She suddenly wondered if she was the one dreaming, and this was just some elaborate scene her brain had made up.

“Um, sure, Levi, what do you need help with?”

A deep breath rattled from the depths of his chest, “How do I... show (Y/N) proper affection?”

“What do you mean?” (Y/N) asked breathlessly.

Levi grunted in his sleep, his knees rising beneath the sheets to curl against his stomach. “Do I really have to explain it, Hanji?”

“Yes.”

“Fine, you idiot,” Levi grumbled, “I just… I just don’t know how to show her how much she means to me. I’m so fucking lucky to have her. She’s been so patient, so amazing, never complaining about my inability to be romantic, but I’m tired of being unable to be there for her. I’m tired of looking around at the other couples around us and seeing how loving they are, only to know that I can’t do the same for her. I’ve had enough of treating her like a normal cadet on my squad. She deserves so much more than that, she is so much more than that. She shows me every single day that I am loved and cared for, and it makes me sick that I struggle to do the same.”

(Y/N) had her hand back over her mouth again, this time to stifle her sobs instead of her chuckles. Her eyes were lined with silver as she gazed down at the love of her life, her heart thundering pleasantly in her chest. While it was true that she had never had a problem with waiting for him to get more comfortable with her, she couldn’t deny the feelings of elation she was feeling with every word that poured from his mouth. It didn’t matter that he was asleep, it didn’t matter that he didn’t even know he was talking to her. All that mattered was that he was finally saying the things she had secretly burned to hear for months.

Levi sighed, “I just love her so damn much. She’s the woman of my dreams, and I don’t think I can go one more day without her knowing that…”

Swallowing the sob that threatened to crawl past her lips, (Y/N) brushed his raven bangs to the side and leaned down to give him a sweet kiss on the forehead.

“Believe me, Levi. She knows.”

The small smile that appeared on his face made it impossible for (Y/N) to hold her tears back this time, the warm, salty liquid sliding down her cheeks to land with soft taps on her pillow. Despite the fact that his eyes were still closed, (Y/N) gave him a watery smile of her own and reached over to wrap an arm around his waist, pulling herself closer to his warm chest and curling into his body.

“I love you too, Levi,” she murmured before closing her eyes, the smile still on her face as she fell asleep easily for the first time in years.

____________________

Levi could feel himself slowly being dragged back into consciousness, but for the first time since he was a little boy, he didn’t want to wake up to the slightly more bearable hell of the day. Usually, what little sleep he got was riddled with nightmares, screams of his comrades as they either begged him to save them or blamed him for their early deaths. He was usually plagued with dark, bloody thoughts and visuals that made him wake in a cold sweat, his stomach swirling so violently he was occasionally reduced to emptying the remnants of his dinner in the middle of the night. He never enjoyed being tired or facing the titans day after day, but at least the real world kept him busy with training and paperwork, keeping his demons at bay.

But today felt different. He felt warm, comfortable, as if the sun’s rays were cuddling him in a warm nest. He felt content and unafraid of closing his eyes for the first time in years. A part of him was suspicious of the change, tempted to open his eyes and find out what was making him feel so comfortable, but the bigger part of him didn’t want to leave this unexpected bliss so soon, afraid that opening his eyes would chase away the feeling before he could truly relish in it.

He sighed through his nose, nuzzling his pillow in an attempt to coax his mind back into the warm embrace of sleep when a sudden movement against his bare chest made his eyes snap open, ready to rip someone to shreds. His stinging words immediately died on his tongue when his silver gaze snapped to the (h/c) haired lump nestled against his skin. Ah, that explained why he had slept so well, even with a migraine, which had thankfully disappeared overnight.

Levi couldn’t help the smile that curled at the edges of his lips, the look in his eyes softening as he watched his love sleep against him. An innocent, giddy sense of wonder filled him at the sight of her, his heart pounding in his chest. He had never had a woman fall asleep against him before, many people finding him too cold and standoffish to find comfort in him. But here she was, the most gorgeous woman in the world, cuddled up against him as if he were a warm pillow, her hair splayed out over his chest like tangled silk.

She was so fucking beautiful. He couldn’t get her out of his head. The past few months had been the best he had ever had, his life now full of love and happiness and soft laughter. As he stared at her, his heart about to burst out of his chest, Levi couldn’t help but reach out to her, his fingers brushing her cheeks ever so softly, making his skin tingle with how soft she was.

His hand immediately drew back when she scrunched her nose cutely, her eyes squeezing shut as her mouth opened in a wide yawn. A part of him felt sorry for waking her, but as she opened her glittering (e/c) eyes to look up at him, the other part of him felt more satisfied at seeing her cute expression.

“Good morning,” (Y/N) mumbled, her sleepy, raspy voice sending a jolt of something electric down his spine.

“Morning,” Levi said, unaware that his own deep, husky morning voice was making (Y/N)’s stomach flutter with early morning butterflies.

“Sleep well?” (Y/N) asked.

“Surprisingly, yes,” Levi said, moving his arms from around her body so he could stretch them above his head with a satisfying crack.

“It sure sounded like it.”

Her comment made him pause and glance at her, the mischievous look in her eye making a wave of nervousness course through him.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” (Y/N) purred, causing his anxiety to spike, “I was just unaware that you talk in your sleep.”

Levi froze. He talked in his sleep!? He didn’t know he did that! He supposed it was normal for him to not remember the event, and he had never slept beside another person in his life, aside from his mother when he was a toddler, so it made sense that he had been unaware of this unexpected habit, but that didn’t erase the anxiety that swirled in his gut.

“O-Oh?” Levi asked softly, cursing his stutter.

“Mm hm,” (Y/N) said, her smile only widening as she watched his reaction, her eyes glittering playfully.

“Um, what did I say? It better not have been something stupid,” Levi muttered, trying to fight the blush that threatened to rise to his cheeks. He almost didn’t want to know, but with the way she was smiling at him, it looked as if he had said some revealing things.

“Well, you were arguing with Hanji for most of it,” (Y/N) said, watching with a deviant smile as her boyfriend relaxed, an obvious expression of relief on his face.

“Tch, I do that when I’m awake, idiot.”

“You also said you were head over heels in love with Eren Jaeger.”

(Y/N) couldn’t hold back her laugh when Levi started choking on his own breath, his sharp inhale of shock getting caught in his throat.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” (Y/N) said with a cackle, smirking even more at the dirty glare he threw her as he coughed, “It was a joke, I promise!”

“Fucking hell, brat…” Levi muttered, covering his face with his arm.

“You did call me the woman of your dreams, though,” (Y/N) said quietly once her giggles had subsided, a light blush dusting her cheeks despite herself as she recalled the wonderful memory.

Levi didn’t choke this time, but his eyes did go wide, his lips parting in shock. He knew she was being serious. Immediately, Levi was filled with a confusing blend of joy and horror, happiness that he had finally gotten the chance to tell her his true feelings about her, even in sleep, and horror that she had found out in the way she did, while he was unconscious and having an argument with Four Eyes about god knows what. Levi couldn’t fight the blush that rose to his cheeks, his skin stained red as embarrassment washed over him.

He didn’t know what to say. He was floundering, trying to think of something, anything to either confirm his sentiment or try to divert the conversation, but nothing was coming to mind. His brain was blank, nothing but the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears overwhelming his senses. Suddenly, a soft hand grasped his wrist, gently tugging on his arm until he had removed it from covering the silver eyes she loved so much. Leaning over him, her eyes were glazed with unshed tears as she locked her gaze with his, showing him all of the emotions she couldn’t put into words before leaning down to kiss him.

He unintentionally let out a groan when her lips met his, his tongue immediately reaching out to dance with hers as they tasted each other, slow and sweet and loving. When they finally parted, both of them gasping for breath and smiling as if they had just found the way to world peace, Levi saw that a few tears had escaped to stain (Y/N)’s cheeks.

“I love you, Levi Ackerman. I love you for you and all of your little quirks, and I always will.”

Levi felt himself get choked up, but he swallowed past the lump in his throat, focused on making the goddess in his arms feel the same way she made him feel.

“I l-love you too, (Y/N), y-you really are the woman of my d-dreams.”

Levi hated that he stuttered, but he let out a sigh of relief as he finally managed to push the words past his lips. (Y/N) choked out a joyful sob as pride filled her chest like a roaring lion, making her skin glow as if she were something from a fairytale, taking Levi’s breath away. Sitting up, Levi met her half way for another soul-searing kiss, his heart calling out her name as he allowed himself to relax with the kiss, melting into her affection as if he were dipping into a warm sauna, his heart throbbing for the woman who was his entire world.