#i feel like women’s alcoholism isn’t talked about or shown in media as much as men

[auxilioooo]

I told my parents today about captain marvels alcoholism and how iron man is her sponsor. my dad thought it was cool and my mom thought it was amazing. both of my parents are sober now but drinking did use to be a problem (my dad has been sober for more than a decade and my mom almost a year and i’m so proud of them). my mom was kinda fangirling because she knew i really like captain marvel and she loves iron man. she told her friends and they also thought it was cool. i just love marvel acknowledging alcohol and the struggles of both men and women. another reason why representation matters :)

[trashlie]

Darker ILY Theories: the Shinae + Gun Kim theory

The time has COME. I keep telling myself to write this post but I keep putting it off because honestly, this one makes me feel sick. I’ve been talking about it again with friends while rereading the Black and White Formal arc, and in light of the current FP episode (232) I think it’s time to bring this one back into the fray. 

As a big disclaimer this post deals with sexual assault noncon theories of underage girls. 

Sometime ago I read a theory that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim. There’s been so many theories about the formal. Even recently, there’s been talk about the way Yui had Shinae style her hair seeming similar to how Nessa wore hers, and how she insisted that Shinae meet her husband. I don’t think by any means that discounts this theory at all, because Yui sure knows how to multi-task doesn’t she. 

The Kim formal really set up a LOT of story and action. It’s the moment ILY reveals what kind of story it is - not that there weren’t hints and clues before, because we could already see the discord in Nol and Kousuke’s relationship’ the stress in Shinae’s life and her fight with her father; the money struggles; her friends. But the formal introduced so many elements. It showed us how off Alyssa and Nol’s relationship is. It showed us how sinister Yui really is. It fully introdduced Sangchul and how lecherous he is. The Chess theory, the manipulation, the drugs, all of it was at the forefront finally.

And also, we met Gun Kim. 

Gun is interesting, because he’s the character we know the least about at this point - and his eyes are always closed. He’s always felt sketchy, even as far back as the black and white formal itself. The characters even comment on it. What is someone who looks like Shinae doing at this formal? Mr. Kim likes all women. 

Now that we know how chummy the Kims and Yui/the Hiraharas are, the more sinister it feels. Gun Kim, with his several connections to media conglomorates. Gun Kim, whose father* stepped down from his position as CEO of Hirahara Corp due when facing several sexual assault charges. Gun Kim, father to Sangchul Kim whose prep school has been rife with sexual abuse cases. 

(* presumably Gun’s father. Youngchul Kim. Sangchul Kim. It checks out)

At the time, maybe he didn’t seem SO bad. A negligent father. A womanizer, a playboy. But in light of what we’ve learned, I think we can revisit the scene and find some clues laid out, waiting for their time to come. 

He makes his grand appearance - convincing the bartender to give underage girls alcohol. Even without the later context, this is terrible, but now that we know what we know.... it feels even more skeevy, even more dangerous. Letting young girls drink, get intoxicated, so that they’re easier for him. Ugggh. 

He sure makes himself real comfortable with the girls, too. Sure, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this. What a gracious host. But we know better. And we also know you don’t put your hands on people who don’t even know you. Seeing Alyssa’s face, you wouldn’t ordinarily think anything of her smile mask; she uses it all the time, why would this be any different. But in light of ep 232.... I’ll try to save all my 232 posts for the end so I can put it under a readmore and avoid spoilers. 

Isn’t it weird, that he can instantly recognize Shinae? Oh sure, maybe it’s because someone who doesn’t know who he is isn’t from this world, so she has to be Yui’s special guest. And look, Yui and Gun are business partners. Friends, even, since Sangchul seems to know so much about Nol and his family via Gun. Through who else would they know about Nol and his not-much-of-a relationship with Alyssa? So, surely Yui has told Gun about Shinae, since she’s the topic of Kousuke’s interest, right? 

But no, I feel horribly, uneasily certain that Yui has shown Gun pictures of Shinae, described her to him, maybe even told him how much fun she is. How she’s got so much personality, that he’ll just enjoy her. Even typing this makes me feel ill ugh. The thought that Gun and Yui are in cahoots not simply by way of business but by way of an even darker, more sinister business is fucking horrifying. 

So not only does he instantly recognize her for who she is but 

Is it wrong to pay her a compliment? It’s not like he said anything inappropriate. And yet. And yet Shinae is uncomfortable. And yet he is a stranger, a man she doesn’t know, acting too friendly, someone who already knows of her. Danger, danger, danger, danger!

This man gives me the creeps SO MUCH and it’s everything about THIS. His expression, those closed eyes, something about him feels smug and smarmy. Everybody gets drink, everybody gets inebriated, everybody gets to have fun. He’s gross, he’s disgusting, he’s encouraging drinking. We know what kind of fun a man like him wants to see and have. 

And he’s not simply enabling underage drinking. 

Even after Nol expresses that he doesn’t want a drink, he’s still pushed to have one, still expected to be “respectful of the host”. The host who is pushing alcohol on minors!!! Like, even on its own that’s clearly beyond irresponsible, because you can definitely get the sense that he wants to see what happens when a bunch of kids loosen up, when they all let down their inhibitions, when they all get sloppy and start making mistakes. Like, let’s not pretend otherwise. He wouldn’t be encouraging the drinks at all if he didn’t want something to happen, if he wasn’t hoping for that to transpire. 

Like, really mull over that for a moment.

The word choice that’s used here is important, both for the things said and unsaid. Kousuke and Nol may have met Sangchul for the first time, but they’re not stranger to Gun I’m sure. I can’t imagine this is the first Kim formal they’ve had to attend, and even if so, everyone in attendance seems to know Gun’s reputation. Sangchul is one of six children - but only one of two from the same woman. How many women has he been married to? How many more has he simply been with? 

And how many of them young. Or against their will? 

Sangchul didn’t learn his tactics from no one, let’s not forget that. 

Sangchul only knows coercion, bribery, blackmailing, manipulation. If you’ve got a hot girl, you must’ve ha to force her hand, must’ve had to black mail her to get her to agree. It could never be as simple as a girl just liking him, no. It must be some seedy, skeevy, manipulative tactic. 

Sexual assault runs in the family. Sangchul learned from watching his father, who no doubt learned from Youngchul. When you see women as property, as items, you don’t see them as people. Even if she refuses, they’ll get what they want in the end, won’t they? UGH. 

Kousuke and Nol react in surprise - alarm - because the implications of his wording is creepy. Nol knows Shinae is being forced to attend this formal, she’s not here of her own volition and wouldn’t even accept his offer to safely get her out of there. He probably wonders exactly that - is that why she’s here? And he’s possibly not entirely incorrect. 

Yui sweeps in to note that Gun isn’t being so literal, but we know how those two operate. I think as readers we are meant to read into that. It’s not there just for the boys to become alarm, it’s there for us to understand that Gun is not a safe man for Shinae to go alone with. Especially because as readers we already know Shinae feels off, she’s having a drink, AND the episode has quietly informed us that Sangchul roofied her. 

And this man comes sweeping in, calling Shinae a cutie, promising to introduce her to everyone. 

Even in her addled state, Shinae knows there’s something weird about the use of family, but she’s dazed (she’s drugged), she isn’t feeling right in the head, this whole event has  been a nightmare for her so far, she’s being thrown into situations she’s ill-prepared for, so it’s so easy to gloss over it. 

But the text emphasizes it itself. 

It IS weird.

This is ALL weird. 

Does this not make you feel disgusting? Does this not make you want to scream? He’s talking like she’s a pony or something. A grown man parading a minor around, talking about how she’s a cutie, everything is so perfect, her dress - which is modest only in the front and leaves her whole back and parts of her waist bare - everything. And the question about is she your new wife?

How many other pretty young things has he paraded around like this.

How many other pretty young things has he wed? And how many of them were forced against their will, bribed, manipulated? What did he hold over their heads? 

I don’t have to spell it out. We know. We all know. 

Look at Gun with his eyes closed, that stupid smile on his face. What was it quimchee said of why Mr. Kim’s eyes are always closed? Living is easy with eyes closed. He can turn a blind eye to anything, he can encourage anything. Was the drink too much, he wonders. Was she feeling unwell, he muses. Oh well, it doesn’t matter, my son has her. :) 

Gun Kim is no fool. He’s not naive. He is a horrible, vile man and he knows exactly what he was doing, sending an unwell girl who was previously drinking underage off to “rest” with his creepy, vile fucking son. 

But Ashlie, you’re asking. I thought you said that Shinae is at the formal for Gun, but he knowingly sent her off in that state with his son, surely knowing what kind of horrible thing he’ll do to her. If she’s for him why didn’t he take her?

He’s the host, of course he can’t take her anywhere yet. 

She’s the after party. 

jfkafjkfakjfajkafjkafj GOD that felt gross to write I’m sorry but I just KNOW that’s his line of thinking, I just KNOW that’s what this was supposed to be. Everything went awry when dick-punched Sangchul and escaped. 

We know well enough now that the Kims are just as vile and atrocious, that they breed a special kind of especially horrible violence, that sexual violence is NOTHING to them - perhaps even fun. The way Sangchul needled Nol about Alyssa makes me so sick, because it tells you everything about how he views and treats women, the kinds of things he, too, has probably done. 

All I can think of now is that Yui and Gun are in on this. Of course they are, this is their sleazy empire. Business partners that go further back, deeper than we ever realized. Yui, who has no qualms about playing with peoples’ lives, who gets a thrill out of breaking people down, out of their misery. Gun, who thinks girls and women are ripe for the picking, who enjoys a nice pretty young thing? UGGH UGH UGH death wouldn’t be enough punishment. Prison wouldn’t be enough. NOTHING that happens to them will ever be satisfying enough but GOD I WANT TO SEE THEM TOPPLE AND FALL. 

Spoilers for ep 232 ahead:

I think we can already see how this ties in to the current FP episode, right? 

I had absolutely NO idea he was this close. Like... I’ve worried about his connections to media conglomerates, I’ve worried about the women he’s been with and how Sangchul learned that behavior, but to see him on the other side of the door of the bathroom in which Alyssa is hiding.... horrifying! The way he calls her sweetheart like he’s some placating father, except we know better. The expression on her face when she hears the girls talking about her but worse, when she hears Gun ask if she needs any help. 

It’s her body language when she finally comes out, so meek and small, arms held close to her body like she’s trying to take up as little space as possible.

And it’s the implication that he’s going to drive her himself. Alone. 

Not even a manager to spare for her? Or worse, is he a manager? An agent? Is he her superior in this role? There’s so many horrifying, stomach-churning possibilities and in the end, it doesn’t matter which he is, because the point is: he has that access. 

He doesn’t need to be their manager, their agent. He has connections. He has Yui. He has his name and influence and power and money and most of all, he has dirty little secrets. So much blackmail. So much dirt. 

GOD. 

I’m so fucking scared for Alyssa RUN GIRL RUN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT ;___________; 

I’ll put more thoughts in my actual 232 thought dump post but for now: Gun Kim may not have gotten a hold of Shinae, but he’s not left for want is he ;________; 

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 39

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 4.6k

; Warnings: Drinking, mentions of pain

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: Much faster this time, huh? For only the second time in the story...enjoy Hoseok’s POV! I hope you enjoy it and please reblog if you do so others can read <3 let me know your thoughts in a comment or ask! :D

; Flower Masterpost

-

“Everyone, take a shot,” Jimin says loudly, thrusting the tray holding a dozen or so filled shot glasses around the table. “Good, good. Now, let’s drink to Hoseok defying all our expectations and getting married!”

The younger man is already half-drunk, never being one to go slow or take it easy when there’s plenty of alcohol around. Hoseok isn’t particularly surprised, not when the group had already visited three bars by this point. It was his bachelor party tonight, only two weeks before his wedding and his friends were determined to give him a good time.

He’d been adamant that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with any strippers or anything that could be accidentally misconstrued. The last thing he needed was you thinking he’d cheated only weeks before the big day. Plus, he just wasn’t into that anymore.

Instead, he’d asked Jungkook to try and plan something that would avoid stuff like that. Hoseok just wanted to have a good time with his friends, not potentially cause a scandal. Thankfully, his best man had agreed happily and had instead planned the night to be a series of bar hops around the city. The day had involved everyone driving an hour to a place that let them drive quad bikes, do archery, have some paintball matches and loads more.

He was hurting from the paintballs, particularly the awful gauntlet they’d made him run at the end in which everyone had formed a tunnel for him to run through while shooting the shit out of his ass, but he’d enjoyed every minute of it. Now, he was just comfortably buzzed while some of his friends were well on their way to drunk. 

Namjoon, who was currently suffering from his toddler’s inability to let him sleep past 5 am lately, looked half asleep across the table from him. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, jaw slightly dropped as he tried to focus on the glass in front of him. Jungkook had placed it there about ten minutes ago, full of water. 

All of the guys were here today, having made sure to block out the time to celebrate with him and he felt a little shy at all the attention surprisingly. You didn’t have any other male friends, which meant his friends were all he had in his groom’s party. Six groomsmen for him and five bridesmaids for you.

You’d had to diplomatically pick between Chungha and Soyeon for your maid-of-honour, ending up with Chungha being chosen. Hoseok was forever amazed at how strong the friendship was between you all. Decades of media had taught Hoseok was women saw each other as rivals in everything and he’d been beyond worried about the fact you had to pick between your two best friends.

Reality had been a good slap in the face though, and he’d learnt over the four years of being with you that he should firmly ignore everything the media said. Your best friends had been gracious with each other, both trying to encourage the other to take on the role before Soyeon had given Chungha her full support. It amazed him but also made him happy that you had such a good friendship with them both.

The final space in your bridesmaid lineup wasn’t filled, and Yoongi was going to be walking alone at the end. You’d kept the space free to symbolise his sister, letting her be a part of the ceremony even if she couldn’t be there physically.

That had gotten him a little choked up when you’d told him your plans, but it had made his parents cry when he’d, in turn, told them. Any lingering concern that his parents might not actually like you had vanished then. Your sweet insistence of making sure she was a part of the day and not forgotten cementing your place in his family.

He’s brought back into the moment by Jungkook slapping his back hard, causing him to wince and almost spill the entire shot out of the glass. Glaring at him, Hoseok pushes him back before swallowing what was left of the shot. It makes him cringe, the taste of the straight vodka, not his favourite.

“Man,” Jimin sighs, flopping back into his seat before running his fingers through his hair. “Can you believe it? Jung Hoseok. Getting married. If you’d have said that in college, I would’ve laughed hysterically at the thought. The only thing I thought you’d marry was your dick into any available pussy.”

His words make Hoseok’s nose wrinkle, even if he couldn’t deny what he’d said. It was still amazing even to him that he’d finally found someone that he genuinely loved and who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. For his friends, it was probably even more fascinating. Yet here he was.

Loving every moment of it.

“You know, I’d have thought after four years that you all would have come to terms with this. It’s not exactly a surprise anymore.” Hoseok was pleased that he hadn’t drunk enough to have his words be slurred. The last time he’d been truly wasted had been when he’d decided to introduce you to the lovely male concept of a dickcopter. Not his best moment.

Perhaps one of his funniest though.

“We have come to terms with it. Still a surprise though.” This comes from Namjoon, causing Hoseok to give him a betrayed expression. Of all his friends, he’d have thought that Namjoon would’ve been the one who understood how his life had changed upon meeting you. While Jimin had married Eden since Hoseok had met you, everyone had known that Jimin was one of those guys who wanted to have a loving, monogamous relationship.

He was the one in their group that had fantasised about marriage even in college. Meeting Eden had been the icing on his cake, even if neither of them was too sure whether they wanted kids or not.

But Namjoon had been much like Hoseok during the first years of college. Something which had certainly surprised you when you’d found out. Despite how diligent he’d been at his studies, Namjoon had discovered that he was attractive to women. Combined with the help of his friends to make sure he presented himself to highlight all his best points, such as his tall and broad physique which only looked better with a few workouts or how glasses seemed to make the girls swoon, he’d been in his element.

And then he’d met Amelia in his final year, falling hard and defying everyone’s expectations. There had been many heartbroken women, and men, around campus upon finding out that Kim Namjoon had finally succumbed to love.

They’d consoled themselves in Hoseok’s bed instead, for years afterwards as well.

Images of all the girls he’d entertained throughout his life ran through his mind like lightning. Girls of all skin colours, heights and backgrounds had graced his bed, or him theirs. All of them beautiful and worthy of a fun night, or at least ten minutes of his time.

He’d used to be one of those guys who was proud of his sexual prowess, safe in the knowledge that he could probably get any woman he wanted with some effort. It made him cringe now. Hoseok had never been one of those asshole guys who’d bragged and boasted about his body count, but he’d not exactly been subtle either. 

Throughout those years, he’d been adamant that he didn’t want a proper relationship. Hoseok had been more than fine with one-night-stands and short-term relationships that were probably better as being categorised as friends-with-benefits. He hadn’t thought he could monogamy. The thought of reducing himself to one woman and denying all the delights that life had to give him was dissatisfying.

The Hoseok from back then was a fucking idiot, he thought now. A self-centred, dick-centric idiot. The very idea of what he’d been was embarrassing to him now, making him more than thankful that you’d never met him back then. You’d deserved way better than whatever he’d had to offer.

Hoseok knew that he couldn’t go back in time to change things. But he also knew that if he was given the chance, he probably wouldn’t either. Because as humiliating as his old self had been, he knew that it had formed the person he was today. And if he’d been open to a serious relationship for all those years, then he probably wouldn’t have met you.

So, yeah, he wasn’t proud of his past. But he wouldn’t change it. Not when he knew that he’d finally grown up in time to find you. You’d shown him that relationships weren’t something to roll his eyes at or be afraid of, that love was something he was deserving of and was also capable of giving.

And here he was now, frowning at the glass in front of him on the table and being a sappy idiot. The way he kept drifting away from conversations made him wonder if he was a little more than buzzed, but he found that he didn’t care. He was enjoying himself, even if he kept having these more serious thoughts.

It was a good job none of the guys could hear his thoughts now. They already gave him enough grief for going googly-eyed over you, as they called it.

Shifting back into the conversation, he realises that everyone is now talking about who they think will be next to get engaged. Hoseok is a little surprised at how quickly the topic had moved on, but given his friends, he’s also wondering how long it’ll take until it changes once more to how many farts a human can hold or something dumb.

Still, it’s his bachelor party and he feels the need to get involved. So he throws an arm over Jungkook and gives him a smirk, raising his brows in expectation.

“I bet our little Jungkookie here is going to be next. Got any plans on popping the question to Soyeon?” He grins broadly, taking in Jungkook’s expression with pure amusement. The younger man looks remarkably like a deer caught in headlights with his expressive eyes wide and sparkling with their usual youthful exuberance alongside more than a little alcohol.

“I-er,” He stutters, his cheeks turning a rosy pink even in the lowlight of the bar that makes everyone snort with laughter. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Bullshit!” Jimin’s small fist slams down on the table hard, causing the multitude of glasses to shudder and some of them to clink together. It also causes most of the guys around to almost clawing the ceiling with how hard they all jump. Eyes squinting at Jungkook, Jimin points one finger at him in an accusatory manner that seems a little out of proportion for the question.

“You’ve been together...a while now,” Hoseok’s shoulders jerk as he tries to hold in the snort at Jimin’s lack of numeracy skills suddenly. “There’s no way you haven’t thought of it. Women think we don’t think about that kinda shit but we do! And you’re the biggest fucking romantic on the table, Jeon Jungkook!”

His words are more than a little forceful and Hoseok has to bite his lip to stop from laughing, particularly when he glances at Jungkook’s shellshocked face. Alongside those impossibly large and wide eyes, his jaw has now dropped open and he’s staring at his friend in disbelief. Taehyung has an equally surprised look but Yoongi is nodding along in agreement, nursing his glass of whiskey that he’s had for at least half-an-hour now.

“He’s right, you are. I mean...you cried at Hercules when Meg died, remember?” Everyone goes quiet as they try to recall the incident from long ago. Even Hoseok is trying to remember it, his head tilted before giving up. There have been so many incidents of Jungkook crying at films that the Hercules one doesn’t even leave a mark.

“Sorry I have emotions, unlike you lot.” Jungkook is pouting now, crossing his arms over his chest. On another man, it’d probably look a little intimidating given the way his biceps bulged in the black dress shirt he’d put on or the way the buttons strained a little from his shoulders and chest. But Jungkook’s face negates that with his lower lip pushed out almost comically and his cheeks full.

Hoseok can’t help but reach over and cup them, squishing them until everyone laughs at the sight and making cooing noises to him. It’s with resignation that Jungkook lets him, his deep sigh brushing past Hoseok’s fingers while his shoulders slump. 

Almost immediately, Hoseok is reminded of how you call Jungkook the baby of his friendship group. It’s with a grin that he realises it’s true. He’s their baby, despite the fact he’s bigger than most of them all and can probably kill them just by squeezing their head between his arms.

“Girls dig that. Soyeon likes it, right?” Taehyung comments, brow rising from where he was sitting. His arm was resting on the back of the seat, body looking long and lean with his legs spread. He hadn’t been lucky enough to be in the booth itself and had had to grab a chair from another table.

There’d been more than a few hungry looks given to him from other patrons in the bar but Taehyung had remained oblivious, his long black hair ruffled from the day's activities and tiredness on his face. Although part of his obliviousness may also be because he was both asexual and aromantic, so it may be more than he’s purposefully not paying attention to it.

“Let’s not generalise women,” Seokjin interrupted, reaching out to gesture wildly with his bottle of Asahi beer. “It’s rude and they get angry when people do that.”

Everyone pauses to look at him with eyebrows raised, wondering where that came from. But no one questioned it, instead shrugging or nodding in acknowledgement to avoid him going on a rant. Not that there was anyone who didn’t agree, but the last thing Hoseok wanted was to listen to a bunch of drunk guys debate that.

“Anyway, I think she finds it more amusing. Like...sweet but...mostly funny. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Soyeon cry at a film yet. Maybe I just haven’t found the right film or genre yet.” Jungkook has a thoughtful look on his face, his gaze distant and Hoseok realises that he’s probably too tipsy for this kind of conversation.

From personal experience with Jungkook, Hoseok did not doubt that he would spend far too long having internal conversations, arguments and debates without even realising other people were talking to him. If anyone thought Jungkook was introverted normally then they hadn’t seen anything until he was drunk.

“Keep looking,” Hoseok says cheerfully, taking another shot and trying to clean his tongue with his teeth to remove the flavour. “You’ll find it eventually. I discovered that Meeps doesn’t cry at most things but she will cry at videos of cats that have been nursed back after being hurt.”

“Well...duh.” That comes from Taehyung, who’s giving Hoseok a serious ‘wtf’ look right now. It makes him feel a little self-conscious and so he grabs one of the random beers on the tables before taking a swig.

“Yeah, who wouldn’t cry at that? What the hell.” Placing a hand on the table, Yoongi looks at them all with a serious expression that could almost sober a person. It causes him to start ranting on about animal rights for the next five minutes, no one feeling brave enough to interrupt him. When Yoongi got going, everyone had long since realised that it was better to just let him get on with it.

By the time he finally stops, sitting back with a triumphant expression on his face before swallowing the last of his whiskey, everyone else has already finished another bottle of beer. Almost like they were trying to get themselves drunk as fast as possible to cope with Yoongi’s insistence that people who hurt animals should receive the same injuries back to them.

While Hoseok agreed, he didn’t quite like hearing about some of the incidents that Yoongi was talking passionately about. It made him think of Kasumi and Ciri, which made his chest hurt. 

He was a bit of a baby when it came to his furbabies.

Suddenly though, he’s overwhelmed with the intense desire to go home. To see his dog and stroke his cat and cuddle with you. Blinking slowly, he stares at the bottle before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone. The bright light as he unlocks it causes him to squint, trying to avoid being blinded before he realises with a shock that it’s after one in the morning.

His day had started at 10 am when he’d met up with all the guys at Jungkook’s place. They’d then made their way to the place for the day’s activities, having spent until 4 pm there before heading back to Jungkook’s to change into some clean clothes for their drinking time. Soyeon had been amused as she’d watched them all emerge almost like a new man, clean from the quick showers they’d taken and ready to get wasted.

But now he was tired. And holy fuck, he hurt. Hoseok had avoided trying to get up whenever possible. Which meant he fucking needed to piss right now, but moving hurt. His joints ached like fuck from all the activities while his body hurt so bad from the paintballing.

Licking his lips, he finished the last of his beer before sighing deeply. It caught the attention of the others, despite the music and noise. Upon seeing everyone’s gaze on him, he smiles at them.

“Okay guys, this has been a pretty great day. Thank you Jungkook for organising it and thank you to everyone for coming. It means a lot to me. Now, before I get too sappy...I’m going to head home.” He’s already organising for an Uber on his phone, ignoring the outraged noises that start from everyone.

It’s Jimin that’s loudest though, his voice rising in pitch and yet simultaneously getting deeper as his accent gets a little stronger.

“What? It’s not even late! We’ve still got plenty of drinking to do.” Now he’s the one pouting and Hoseok notes in amusement that Seokjin and Namjoon are nodding in agreement. Taehyung doesn’t seem to give two fucks, either way, giving him a lazy shrug before taking a drink of what Hoseok realises is a glass of water while Jungkook remains quiet.

“Guys, it’s one in the morning. I know that I’m flaking out early, but you guys can keep drinking. I’m okay with it, honestly. I just...I’m really tired. A little drunk too, probably not as much as you’d all like but enough for me. Also, I have a bruise on my ass that’s probably the size of Ireland from all the fucking paintballs you fired at me. I hurt.” He whines out the word, wanting to wiggle almost like a child but the pain that shoots up from his asscheek causes him to inhale quickly and still.

“Shit, does it hurt?” The question comes from Jungkook, who’s scanning Hoseok up and down as best he can. It’s not a good attempt given he’s had a little too many drinks and he doesn’t seem to be able to lift his head properly once it’s gone down too far, causing Hoseok to snort.

It doesn’t stop him from giving the younger man a droll stare, which he can only see when Hoseok forcefully lifts his chin back up. “Yes, it fucking does. Why do you think I’ve barely moved all evening?”

“Sorry.” Jungkook’s face is scrunched up and Hoseok knows why he looks so awkward. He’s pretty sure he may as well have Jungkook’s name imprinted on his back in bruises from how many times he’d been hit by him. The guy was far too fucking good at paintball, something Hoseok had regretted agreeing to within five minutes of being in the arena.

“It’s okay. But I’m done for the night. I’m going to go home and sleep so fucking hard. Meeps might think I’ve died in the morning or something.”

“Morbid.” Yoongi chuckles, tipping his new glass of whiskey towards him before grinning.

“Yep. Really glad that I asked for this to be done two weeks before the wedding. I’d have been like an old man if I’d agreed to do it the day before.” The very thought of having to hobble up the aisle made him cringe.

A notification on his phone distracted him though, the Uber app telling him that his ride is here. He feels a surprising amount of relief at being able to go home, the thought of his bed almost like a siren call that was too tantalising to resist.

“And with that, my Uber is here. Thank you for today, really,” Hoseok lets out a yelp of pain as he stands, gingerly holding his ass and causing everyone to simultaneously laugh and look concerned. “I appreciate it. It was fun and I enjoyed it all.”

It takes him another few minutes to finally get out of the bar; hugs being given out repeatedly to the guys while he accepts all their praise and well wishes. The Uber was idling by the side of the road and he wished that he could slump inside but instead, he had to gingerly get in and position himself with the least amount of pain. 

To make it even worse, he had to explain to the very sober driver that he wasn’t shitfaced but was actually in pain from the earlier paintballing. That had led to a whole conversation that Hoseok hadn’t anticipated, lasting the whole trip as he’d discussed where they’d gone and the activities they’d done. The guy seemed to be very interested in it and had given him many congratulations when he’d found out that Hoseok was at his bachelor’s party.

It never failed to amuse Hoseok how easily people wish congratulations upon finding out as if they felt obliged. What he didn’t quite appreciate was the guy's remarks about marriage, which were more than a little derogatory. Hoseok didn’t know why anyone would think it was a good idea to disparage marriage to someone who was only weeks away from marriage.

As he was leaving the car, he put on a polite smile and thanked the driver for the trip. Once he was out though, he resolved to not leave a good review. Maybe he sounded a little harsh, but having to listen to how he should ringfence all his finances to avoid them being leeched by his soon-to-be wife for whenever she inevitably cheated or left him had been more than he could handle.

If Hoseok hadn’t been tired before, he sure was now. 

Opening the front door, he kicks off his shoes with a heavy sigh before heading into the living room in darkness. Ciri is in her cage, fast asleep until Hoseok unlatches the door and calls her out. She’s slow to react, her little body tired until he opens up the backdoor and lets her out. He figures that you can both have a nice lie in if he lets Ciri out now. 

Closing the door once she’s out, he heads into the bathroom and brushes his teeth while peeing before washing his wash. He gets to see how badly bruised he is in the mirror for the first time and winces at the sight of the already black and blue flesh, knowing he’s going to be in even more pain tomorrow.

Sighing, he towel dries his face before heading out and letting Ciri back in. He’d love to have a little cuddle with her but he’s too tired, so he just puts a treat into her cage to coax her back in before giving her an attentive stroke and locking it. She’s too busy eating her chew eagerly to notice him. 

Heading to the bedroom, he pulls off his clothes in the dark before fumbling around to find his pyjamas. He’d go to bed in just his boxers but he wants to try and give a little bit of coverage to his poor body for tonight. Which is why he doesn’t even know if he’s put them on the right way around or not. Hoseok doesn’t even care, he already feels asleep.

There’s a little light when he gets over to the bed from your clock, the numbers glowing brightly in the night and highlighting your face as you sleep. Kasumi is curled up against your stomach on top of the covers, her eyes blinking slowly at Hoseok as he leans over to give her a stroke as well. She gives a quiet chirp of appreciation and he smiles softly at how her body vibrates as she purrs, her paws flexing and closing as she pads at your covered thigh.

And through it all, you don’t even stir. Your breathing is slow and steady while your body is completely relaxed, unaware he’s even arrived home. Hoseok doesn’t even realise he’s smiling until he lets out a soft laugh, knowing that you probably won’t wake up at all. Once you’ve fallen asleep then you’re truly out like a light until the early hours of the morning so he has no fear of waking you up.

Carefully, he climbs into bed and throws the cover over himself with a quiet groan as his limbs feel so heavy. He can’t even remember the last time he hurt this badly. It takes way more effort than he’d like to admit to not wake you up and have you coddle him. Mainly because you’re grumpy when you’ve been woken up.

What he does do though, is shift onto his side that doesn’t have the most bruises before carefully shuffling closer to you. A soft mewl of pain leaves him as he does so but he doubts he could get in any position without some level of discomfort right now. So he’ll be damned if he denies himself some comfort in cuddling your sleeping form.

Wrapping an arm around your waist, he moulds himself to your back as gently as he can before letting out the deepest sigh he’s done in a while. His whole body relaxes, causing him to almost whimper as the pain he hadn’t realised he had is exacerbated by his now lax muscles. Fuck, that’s the last time he paintballs with Jungkook.

Pressing his nose to your back, he inhales deeply. You haven’t even moved, despite all the jostling he’s done behind you and there’s no change to your breathing. Taking in the comforting scent of you, he recalls his earlier thought process about his past. Feeling you solid and warm in his arms provides him with a sense of peace that he’s never found with anyone else, causing him to feel content despite his discomfort.

Yeah, he wouldn’t change a thing if it meant he ended up with you. And he doesn’t care how cheesy it sounds. In only two weeks, he’d be marrying you. He was allowed to be as sappy as he wanted, whether it was internally or externally.

You deserved to be praised and shouted about and goddammit, Jung Hoseok was going to worship you.

[realbigpodcastslut]

Should You Listen to King Falls AM?

(Update at the bottom) 

Lately, I’ve seen a lot people looking to start KFAM and conflicting views on if you should listen. Being a fan for a long time, I’d like to put in my two-cents. I’m not going to tell you if you should listen or not, but I’ll present the facts so you can make your own choice.

Overall:

King Falls AM is a podcast, and out of the hundred+ I’ve listened to, it is definitely my favorite one and I always seem to be relistening to it. Taking place in the small town of King Falls, late-night radio hosts Sammy and Ben have to tackle the weird and whacky. It’s funny, the characters are amazing, and I just love the overall idea of love (platonic and romantic) conquering all. The music is also amazing. While the background music is to die for, this is really shown in their musical episode (which is done right).

Now, while it is my favorite podcast, there are a lot of faults. Representation is mishandled, there are problematic parts, and the creators and actors have had some not-so-great reactions to valid criticism. Also, the story is unfinished and there is no word if they’re coming back after COVID-19.

Characters:

I can’t deny, I love the characters (especially Lily Wright). The characters will worm their way into your heart until you fall in-love. Whether it’s the main characters of Sammy, Ben, (Emily, Troy, and Lily), or the townspeople, you’ll most likely end up loving them. And if you don’t love them, then you will hate them so much you love hating them. I’m going to avoid spoilers, but you will love these characters and feel for them. Even I, the stone-cold bitch that brags about not crying that much over media, ended up crying over them. 

On the other hand, the characters are not the stellar representation that a lot of podcasts have. There are plenty of LGBT characters later on, but a lot of them are stereotypes. Archie, a gay man, is overly camp, and Jacob, a bisexual man, is sex-crazed. Though, I should point out that almost every non-main character is a stereotype, but this can be off-putting to a lot of people. Women are also not represented great. They’re pretty one-dimensional and while they grow, they’re sort of looked-down upon and hated. This changes around episode 90 where it is specifically called out on and episodes 75+ start to change this poor representation somewhat. Though the representation of POC is just bad, with Walt being a stereotypical Native American man and Storm Sanders an alcoholic. There is also a racist witch, while hated by everyone, is still suspicious. 

Comedy:

King Falls AM is also extremely funny. There are several jokes they actually made me laugh out loud (hard to do) and in my relistens I still laugh. The character’s banter is hilarious and I just can’t state how funny some of the stuff is. While some stuff aren’t direct jokes, the absurdity of events are funny. For example, there is a vigilante named the Dirt who is basically a dimestore Batman in BDSM gear. Another thing is that there is a murderous Elf of the Shelf that says some things that are comedy gold. Even later on, they don’t sacrifice much of the comedy for arcs that will tear your heart out.

While the jokes are funny, there are many jokes that miss the mark and are not politically correct. One that sticks out is “Don’t assume my gender.” There are a lot of race jokes (ew) and quite a few on the holocaust. There are also a lot of gay jokes, which while sometimes done right, can make LGBT people uncomfortable. Especially when two characters (Archie and Lily) are made out to be too gay to function and make a lot of sexual jokes. This missing-the-mark is made clear as it is written by straight white men, which really can’t joke about stuff they don’t experience.

Themes:

The themes of KFAM are also good and you can’t ever go wrong with found-family. Love is the main aspect surrounding the show and whether platonic or romantic love, it’s embraced. I really enjoy how Sammy and Ben are able to say “I love you” to each other without it being seen as creepy or “gay.” Characters also grow for the better and are always pushing to be better. They even talk about mental health struggles and pushing each other up to be the best they can be. Lastly, the main storyline is compelling and it opens up for a lot of theorizing and trying to figure out what is going to happen (or what happened).

The themes of found family can be criticized over the fact that several characters already experienced found family due to being gay and already being a family, though I think this one is a little weak (but I included it). Some of the storylines may get boring and it can be a sort of slow-burn as things come to fruition. There are also plot holes (but not that noticeable).

Creators, Actors and Community:

This is the final point and the thing that has made many die-hard fans dislike KFAM and be ashamed for listening to it. Starting at episode 34, there was an episode on Helen Keller and it was essentially making fun of her. Obviously, fans did not like this episode and told the creators so. They did not apologize and basically said, “Sorry you didn’t like it.” Around April or March of 2020, one of the creators retweeted NSFW fan works and people told them how they needed to tag it, etc. They reacted poorly, only for a person to say “Death of the Author” (a literary idea where you ignore the author’s influence on a work), and then the creator freaked out, thinking this was a death threat. These were not the only events, so if you’d like to find out more, I have archived (with my friend) a decent amount on the blog @kfam-tea.

The community is also toxic. There have been a lot of times where die-hard fans will delete any criticism from the subreddit (though this has seemed to stop). These fans also started “attacking” WTNV after Cecil Baldwin (voice of Cecil) made a jab at other radio podcasts. The discord server is also closed off from everyone except those already on it, and they’ve deleted a lot of channels and such. Overall, the community is not the best and it’s quite divided.

Lastly, we don’t know if KFAM is coming back. While they said it was going to start after COVID-19, there’s reason to believe that isn’t the case. The creators unfollowed each other on Instagram and Twitter. There was a Reddit threat where people asked if it was coming back only for Kyle (co-creator) to call them entitled (yikes, I know). So far, there is another podcast made by everyone but Kyle and Trent (the actor for about half of the town).

Conclusion:

The choice to listen is up to you. You may or may not like it, but I’m not going to say this is strictly a terrible or amazing podcast. I think it is both. I fell in love with the story and while it has many, many, terrible warts, I think people should know what they are heading into. I see too many people either praising or hating KFAM completely, and it’s not fair. This story isn’t for everyone and has it’s bad moments, but it also has it’s wonderful moments. To listen, that is a personal decision for you to make.

UPDATE:

KFAM isn’t coming back and it left on a big cliffhanger so maybe don’t listen.

[samuraifacts]

Uesugi Kenshin, Goddess of war?

  Alright. This is going to be my second of three posts this weekend talking about infamous rumors pertaining to Japan’s Sengoku Era. The point of these posts talking about famous rumors isn’t really to pick a side about if I believe them or not, but simply to lay out some info in regards to them. Also, like the previous and following posts, I am going to add a rumors hashtag to this one to be a bit more clear about it’s place in this blog. I’m also adding the Sengoku Basara tag since the series plays with this legend quite a bit.   In recent years in pop culture media, especially games based around “If the generals of the Sengoku Era became females” and “Which warlord would you date?” and even in series like “Sengoku Basara” and a few of the “Nobunaga’s ambition” titles it has become popular to have Uesugi Kenshin as either sexually androgynous or giving an option to have Kenshin be a man or a woman. While this is fun and kind of a quirky thing to add to games it raises a key question. Why Uesugi Kenshin? We are talking about the famous Dragon of Echigo, the War God Incarnate, and arguably one of the most feared figures in Japanese history! So how do we end up with this notion that Uesugi Kenshin may have been female?   While it is tempting to write out a long biography about one of my favorite Sengoku Daimyo I will leave that to you all to research. Instead I will just post a brief summary. Kenshin was a well known Daimyo of the Sengoku Jidai famous for several things. First being his devotion to Buddhism. Second being his infamous four clashes with his rival Takeda Shingen and the battles of Kawanakajima. Third being his severe drinking problem. Then finally being his ability as a capable military leader. Kenshin took control of Echigo after a rather violent conflict and turned his forces into some of the most feared in Japan. In fact, he was so feared that rumors exist to this day that after news of his death spread across Japan rival warlords not only mourned the passing of such a great man but actually refused to attack his now weakened clan out of concern that Kenshin may still be alive and rumors of his death nothing more than a trick to lure in and murder his enemies.   Back to the topic at hand. Why do people think such Kenshin was a woman and how did this thinking come about? Some of this thinking can be traced back to the novelist Tomeo Yagiri. Supposedly he found a Spanish report saying that Uesugi Kenshin was actually the aunt of his heir Uesugi Kagekatsu. Though it should be pointed out gender pronouns tend to get lost and confused a lot when translating Japanese to western languages.    Another alleged reason is that the  Kōyō Gunkan suggests Uesugi Kenshin had severe stomach cramps once a month and may have planned his campaign around these stomach cramps. Obviously, those that believe Kenshin was a woman point to this as Kenshin’s period. Some legends also state that once a month Kenshin demanded to be alone for isolated meditation.    Other harder to verify claims that support this argument include legends that Kenshin took an interest in poetry and historical studies focusing on women and love. Another legend is that only his beloved older sister Aya was allowed to see him behind closed doors or without any clothing. Kenshin also, supposedly, didn’t have sex. It is also alleged that at his funeral, his corpse was dressed in surprisingly thick robes for a dead samurai lord.   Now that we have the rumors out of the way lets try looking at things we do know about Kenshin that people have interpreted as signs of his being a woman. One fact is that in spite of being a Daimyo he never married or had children. Most daimyo had a wife, or three, and several concubines. Yet Kenshin had none and chose his sister Aya’s son to be the next lord of the Uesugi. In terms of typical warlord behavior, this has been something that has always seemed difficult to explain.   Kenshin also had a seve alcohol addiction.  So much so he even spoke of alcohol in his death poem. While this isn’t unusual per say some people point to alcoholism as a sign of deeper problems.Problems which if you are a supporter of this theory include hiding your gender for 45 years.   While I won’t give my personal opinion on this rumor I would like to point out something. This rumor leave us with a key question in regards to Kenshin supposedly hiding his gender. The question is why? If Kenshin was a woman why cover it up? Other female leaders existed such as Tachibana Genchiyo, Yodo-dono  and Ii Naotora. To which these arguments all seem to circle back to an issue of fear and respect. Would things have been different if the Uesugi clan was commanded by a woman? Would kenshin have then been forced by retainers to have a husband who would become the clan head similar to Tachibana Genchiyo? Would they have overthrown Kenshin? Sadly we have no way to really know.     To end this rumor I would like to add one more thing. It is a small, and over all kind of silly argument but it is part of this legend and so I want to include it here. Some people who argue against Kenshin being female point out that in artwork of Uesugi Kenshin he is shown with facial hair. Sometimes a thick beard or mustache. So how could he be a woman? One of the counter arguments I often hear for this include the obvious fact that women can grow facial hair as well. The other one I hear is that a lot of artistic commissions of historical figures tend to be made to please the person the art is made for. Poems of famous warlords such as Nobunaga and some Roman leaders often flattered them because the poet didn’t want to be beheaded. Paintings often made historic leaders look stronger and braver than they actually appeared. The famous samurai Date Masamune lost his eye as a child but we see some paintings show him having both eyes in order to look more natural and some would argue “stronger”. If one of the deadliest men in Japan told you “give me a proper mustache” even if they didn’t have one and after they gave you quite a bit of money would you dare defy them?    Well that is all for this post. I would love to read your thoughts on this legend. So feel free to reply and post what you think about the “evidence” and if you think its possible that Kenshin was female or not. In the meantime I will wish you all a great weekend and see you next time.

[nullbutexe]

SHADOWHUNTERS - Created by Ed Decter - Based on The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Content Warning - Mentions of abuse, suicide, self harm, internalised homophobia and drugs.

The Netflix show Shadowhunters has a lot of important topics to talk about. These include sexuality, grief, addiction, religion and mental illness.

Firstly, the Warlock, Magnus. Magnus Bane is an openly bisexual male who doesn't conform to gender roles. He is not ashamed to talk about his past relationships with both men and women, which is something that is not really seen within the LGBT community. People often hide their sexuality or gender identity due to fear of being treated differently, but Magnus is so open about his sexuality. He is not ashamed of who he is and is proud of his identity, something everyone should aspire to be, regardless of their gender identity or sexuality.

Magnus embraces his femininity, unlike a lot of cisgender men. He wears makeup (specifically eyeliner, which he describes as his tiger stripes) and paints his nails, something which is a stereotypically feminine trait (although that is slowly changing). As well as this, a lot of his clothing could be described as 'feminine'. This shows other LGBTQ+ people that they are able to embrace their femininity regardless of their gender identity; Things should not be gendered. Experimenting with your gender expression should not be looked down on. Everyone should be able to be free to express themselves however they want without fear of judgement. Magnus’ character is the embodiment of this. He is never judged for how he expresses himself.

Magnus is also shown to struggle with the loss of magic and therefore turns to alcohol, which is a very negative coping mechanism. He ends up having a breakdown in front of his (at the time) boyfriend as a result of drinking too much and not being able to cope with his magic being taken away. Magnus has friends who help him through his loss, especially Alec, who reminds him he is no less of a person without his magic and that he still loves him regardless. People often turn to alcohol or drugs as they believe it will distract them from their issues, which is why this portrayal is very true to the real world. Magnus feels a loss of identity through losing his magic, which is to be expected since he has has magic for over four hundred years. He feels powerless and useless without this huge part of him, however he is lucky to have a huge support system to help him through his dark times.

As well as the trauma from losing his magic twice, Magnus also suffers from PTSD due to events of his past. When body swapped with Valentine, the Clave use the agony rune on Magnus as a form of torture to get him to tell them where the Mortal Cup is. The rune only ends up bringing up past trauma which he has spent centuries trying to bury. After returning to his body, Magnus talks to Alec about what he did and explains that he never wanted Alec to see this ugly side of him. Showing Magnus so vulnerable and talking about his trauma shows people that opening up can help them move on from events of the past. Alec is extremely comforting towards Magnus and expresses how he thinks there is nothing ugly about him. This seems to be a huge relief for Magnus.

Next, Shadowhunter Alec. Alec Lightwood is one of the few gay characters who hasn't been portrayed in a stereotypical way. He is the leader of the New York Institute and is incredibly masculine, which is very different to how gay men are usually portrayed in the media. Having a (now openly) gay man be someone that high up in status is important as it shows other gay or LGBTQ+ people that they can do everything that a non LGBTQ+ person can do and more. By being open about the fact he is gay to the rest of the Institute, it gives other LGBTQ+ Shadowhunters the confidence to be able to talk about their sexuality or gender, as shown by Underhill who tells Alec how inspirational he is. As well as other characters now being confident in opening up about their sexuality, a lot of fans would have also found inspiration in Alec's bravery to come out the way he did. Alec also dealt with a lot of internalised homophobia due to his status and his family, which is something a lot of people can relate to as people are often ashamed of their sexuality due to judgemental family or how society can portray the LGBTQ+ community. Alec managed to get rid of the internalised homophobia with the help of his family and friends, and his now husband. This shows to fans that there are people who support them greatly and will never judge them. Having supportive people around you can help immensely and can save someone's life.

In season 2 episode 4, Alec is possessed by a demon who uses his body to kill Jocelyn, Clary’s mother. He feels incredibly guilty about this and blames himself, despite the others telling him not to. We don’t see much more about Alec’s guilt until season 2 episode 8, in which Alec’s worst fears are brought out due to Iris’ attack on Magnus’ apartment. When talking to Clary on the balcony, he hears her blame him for her mother’s death, when in reality she is trying to talk him down from the balcony. He tries to jump, but luckily Magnus catches him before he manages to. After the attack has been resolved, Magnus talks about how magic cannot create fears, but bring them out, showing just how much Jocelyn’s death effected Alec. As well as Alec almost falling from the balcony, we see him repeatedly shoot arrows which results in his fingers bleeding. This seems like a type of self harm for him, as he doesn’t use the healing rune to fix up the wounds. Magnus points this out as well as the fact that Alec is clearly hurting due to what the demon did. He explains that Alec hopes the pain in his fingers will overpower the pain he is feeling from the guilt, but that it is not that easy. Magnus does all he can to try and comfort Alec.

In the finale of season 3B, we see Alec as Inquisitor and Magnus as High Warlock of Alicante. Previously, there would never have been a High Warlock for any of the Shadowhunter cities, as Downworlders and Shadowhunters were generally separated. By being open about their relationship and Alec being so high in power, they managed to change how the Shadowhunters treat other Downworlders. They ultimately end up working with each other instead of against. Magnus and Alec changed the world with their relationship. They ended the blatant racism between Downworlders and Shadowhunters and they are finally treated as equal.

When planning his and Magnus’ wedding, he states he would like to have it at the Institute. He explains that this is because the Clave would have to celebrate a relationship between a Shadowhunter and a Downworlder under their own roof. Having the wedding in the Institute shows how much Alec is willing to do to abolish the clear racism and hatred of Downworlders within the Clave. This, along with several other acts during the one year time skip (I imagine), had a huge effect on the perception on Downworlders and both Shadowhunters and Downworlders end up working together.

Raphael Santiago is (while nothing is explicitly said about his sexuality) an asexual vampire. He explains to Izzy that he's not interested in sex, implying he is asexual, which was then comfirmed by the book writer, Cassandra Clare. Vampires are often portrayed as sexual beings in the media, and the fact that Raphael is asexual is completely different from the norm. There isn't a lot of asexual representation in the media and is often completely forgotten about, so seeing a character be open about his asexuality to one of his friends gives representation to an often ignored sexuality. Having this kind of representation is important as it lets other asexual people know they aren't alone and also validates their feelings.

Raphael also manages to keep his faith throughout his life time despite everything he has been through. When he becomes mundane again, he talks about how he went to morning mass for the first time in 80 years. In the season finale of 3B, he states to Simon and Isabelle that he joined the seminary and is on his way to becoming a priest. Despite the hell he has been through, he still managed to keep his faith and intends to devote his life to it. To other religious people who might watch the show, it tells them that they should never give up on their faith, regardless of what they go through. Despite not being a religious person myself, I can fully understand how that may be comforting.

We see Raphael’s sister struggle with dementia as it ultimately worsens and she easily forgets who Raphael is. Despite her not knowing who he is, he visits her often and spends as much time as possible with her. In season 3 episode 3, Raphael gets a phone call from the nursing home explaining that she has passed away. This very clearly affects him a lot, and he immediately turns to Izzy for comfort. He is upset that he cannot attend her funeral due to it being during the day, so Izzy promises that she will go in his place. When he becomes mundane again, he goes to Rosa’s grave and plants flowers for her, something he hadn’t been able to do previously. I think this would have been a huge weight off of his chest.

In season 3 episode 5, the head of security, Underhill, talks to Alec about how he is an inspiration for being in a same sex relationship with a downworlder. He explains that if it wasn’t for Alec he would have never had the courage to come out to the Institute. He had to keep his private life separate from his job at the institute until Alec had the courage to show his true feelings for Magnus. This just proves how much of an inspiration Alec is to the rest of the Institute.

As well as Underhill, Shadowhunters Helen (who is half Seelie) and Aline also end up having the courage to be together. In the finale, we see them kiss at Alec and Magnus’ wedding after talking about what they could wear for their own wedding. Their relationship is a similar one to Alec and Magnus, as it is a same sex relationship and one of them is part Downworlder. If it wasn’t for Magnus and Alec being open about their relationship, I doubt they would have been able to be public with their own.

Luke Garroway’s partner, Ollie Wilson, is also in a same sex relationship. While she and her girlfriend, Sam, are a minor part of the show, it gives us another same sex relationship but with mundanes instead of the Shadow World. The two share everything with each other and seem to be in a very committed and loving relationship.

The show also deals with drug addiction, as seen in Isabelle Lightwood. Victor Aldertree gives Izzy Yin Fen, a drug made from vampire venom, as a pain relief for her demon wound. Yin Fen is immediately addicting and Aldertree gives her a jar of it to use when she needs it. Once she finds out what it is from the Iron Sisters, she tried to stay clean, but ends up suffering from really bad withdrawals. In response to this, she tries to find some vampires who are willing to feed from her to get her fix of venom. Raphael agrees to do this, which only gets him addicted to her blood. They both agree that it would be best for them both to stop. Izzy then uses candy as a way to control her withdrawals. Through this and the support of her brother, she manages to stay clean.

Abuse is also heavily dealt with. Johnathan, Clary’s brother, was sent to Edom at a young age and suffered torture from Lilith. She burned him constantly, and when he returned to Earth, he continued to burn himself as a sort of reminder. As well as physically abusing Johnathan, Lilith also mentally abused him, telling him that no one would come for him. This clearly affected him for the rest of his life and he continues to struggle with the trauma of the abuse. When connected by the twinning rune, the behaviour of burning himself was also transferred to Clary. They slowly become more connected and behaviours are shared.

Every topic discussed within the show was dealt with in a very mature and understanding way. With such heavy topics being included, there is always the potential for there to be bad writing as people often struggle to understand certain concepts, but they were all very well written and dealt with maturely. All of these things combined have made Shadowhunters one of the most representative shows to ever exist. These are the reasons why it has become one of my favourite shows and why I will never let it go, even though it’s officially over. It didn’t deserve to end at all, but I’m just glad we got to have this amazing show exist in the first place.

Thank you to the cast and crew, who have done an amazing job portraying some of the best characters and storylines. Thank you for making me and a lot of others feel like they aren’t alone in the world.

[morningstarwriting]

College AU

So this was an idea that popped into my brain and I had to write it. I don’t know if this has already been done, but if it has oh well. I had a lot of fun writing this as it was my first time writing for Obey Me! I hope that you enjoy it! 

───────────────────────────────────

「 Lucifer 」

This man will be a lawyer

Don’t argue with him

He’s always right

Mainly cause he’s majoring in psychology

But he’s not stopping there

He’s actually double majoring

Psychology and History

And it ALSO doesn’t stop there

He’s getting a minor in philosophy

This means that he’s going to school for five years instead of four though

He’s so insanely intelligent though

He psycho-analyzes his brothers all the time

The only ones who don’t really care about what he has to say are Belphegor and Satan

They regularly plot against him

He always knows it

He blames it on daddy issues

This just means that even when he’s with his brothers, he’s constantly working

Always doing his schoolwork

He’s also the Vice President position of Student Government

He was beat out for the President position by Diavolo

And forced his brothers to join in the other positions

He’s also an Admissions Representative

He’s the perfect person to look at applications and determine if people are suited to attend his school

Diavolo also has this job with him

They spend countless of hours together all the time

And he knows that people ship them

He knows

There is one thing he refuses to take part in on campus, though

The only Greek life you’ll catch him in is an Honor Society with Greek Letters in the name

He isn’t the biggest fan of Greek Life

Or parties

However, he was convinced to go to a party by Asmo once

Never again

The biggest perk for his brothers is that he’s so ridiculously busy

That he can’t really constantly be on their cases

At least that’s what they think

He finds his ways

He finds a lot of ways

「 Mammon 」

He went into school as an accounting major

Big Miss Steak

He… wasn’t the best at it

He didn’t necessarily hate it

But he wasn’t thrilled about it being his major

Lucky for him

He was required to take a fine arts course

He decided on photography

And boy oh boy

He fell in love with it

Taking pictures was a Big Yes from him

He was really good at coming up with poses for his models

And most times the people in his class would ask him to model for them

And that’s when he started getting into modeling

And he loved that even more than photography

So naturally

He googled what he should do to become a model

And he found out you don’t necessarily need a degree

But Lucifer would NOT let him drop out

So, he saw that a few majors would help

Luckily for him

Photography was on there

But there was another that caught his eye

Fashion Merchandising

And here we have it

The brother who everyone sees as a dumbass is a double major

Who would have thought?

Not his brothers

Now don’t get me wrong

He barely passes his general education classes

But his major classes?

Easy

He loves them

He has shown up to class many times hungover, though

That’s what happens when you’re in a frat

Yes

Our boy Mammon

Is in a frat

He’s in the frat that puts on the best parties

They don’t let him spend money on anything anymore

They learned that the hard way

He’s also in Student Government, courtesy of Lucifer

He’s the Director of Public Relations

He considered running for treasurer

But all of his brothers reminded him of all the things he’s spent money on

And bet money on

And lost money on

He decided against treasurer

When it comes to partying

Mans goes hard

Doesn’t give a fuck

Does it all

Except hard drugs

…

Only that one time

Thank God Lucifer was there

「 Leviathan 」

If you think he would major in anything other than video game design you’re wrong

He went in looking to be a general programmer

And then he saw the words “Video Game Design”

He changed major immediately

He’s perfectly happy with just Video Game Design

But he is getting a marine biology minor

He’s always been fascinated with the ocean

And the creatures in the ocean

So he decided a minor would be a neat idea

He could also totally use his knowledge to design a dope ass underwater themed game

Which high key may be his thesis project

He really doesn’t get out much

He stays home the majority of the time

Gaming

Watching Anime

Reading manga

Lucifer literally scolded him for always staying in his room

Never going out to do anything with anyone

Levi tried to tell him playing games was basically his homework

But Lucifer was having NONE OF IT

So, to shut him up

Levi looked at the clubs the school offered

He nearly screamed when he realized there was a Japanese Manga, Anime, and Gaming Club

He quickly became the president of that

He’s also a part of Student Government with the rest of his brothers

He’s the Media Representative

He runs all the social medias for the Student Government

And he’s damn good at it

He’s frequently on his phone during meetings

And he’s the only one who’s allowed to do that

And he may use it to his advantage

He needs to know what happens in the next episode of the anime he’s watching

He doesn’t have time to listen to Lucifer and Diavolo preach about things damnit!

He also doesn’t have time for

Shudder

Parties.

Just the thought of going to a frat party makes his skin crawl

What a normie thing to do

Sadly, for him

He’s frequently forced to attend them

Thanks Mammon

He just follows Mammon around like a lost puppy

He gets flustered any and every time anyone talks to him

One time, Mammon thought alcohol would make him feel more confident

…Mammon should not have provided Levi with alcohol

Too many things happened

Things the two never speak of to this day

N E V E R

He apologizes to Ruri-Chan every day for his mistakes on that night

「 Satan 」

VETERINARY MEDICINE

HE DOESN’T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES

HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ANIMALS

Almost bit Lucifer when he reminded him, he’d have to put down animals too

Lucifer then proceeded to call him an animal

But seriously

Satan wants to be able to help animals in any way he can

He’s well aware he will have to put some animals down

But he knows he won’t have to do that unless it’s absolutely necessary

He’s also going to be a whole ass doctor

Fuck off, Lucifer Esquire

Here comes the DOCTOR of the family

Literally took up a job just to get away from Lucifer

He works as a librarian

He loves it

He’s constantly reading

And I mean  c o n s t a n t l y  r e a d i n g

He’s the nicest librarian ever

Just

Don’t talk too loudly

Or destroy a book

Or do anything stupid

Because he will go off

He doesn’t tolerate stupidity

Not in his safe space

He’s on track to get a certificate in writing

So please

Do not interfere with literature

He’s also on track to get a certificate in Women and Gender Studies

So do not interfere with women’s rights or equality in front of him

He will not be happy

And he’s horrifying when he’s angry

Same thing goes in Student Government

He’s the Parliamentarian

And he does the job well

You either follow the rules

Or you get a talking to from Satan

Nobody wants a talking to from Satan

The only person who isn’t necessarily afraid of him is Lucifer

But Lucifer never breaks the rules so Satan can’t pop off on him

Satan might watch him like a hawk just to see if he messes up eventually so he can yell

He never catches him doing anything wrong

He catches Mammon doing plenty wrong, though

Constantly on his case for staying out too late

Mammon always blames it on his frat

And Satan always rolls his eyes

Similar to Lucifer

The only “frat” he’s in is an honor society with a Greek name

He considered joining the “smart” frat

But he decided against it seeing as Mammon was in a frat

He didn’t want to be associated with him

Sadly

He can’t escape it

Every party he goes to

Mammon is right there

Every

Time

Satan doesn’t understand how he does it

To avoid the feeling of dread he just

He drinks as much as possible

He doesn’t party often

But when he does

He

parties

The amount of times he’s gone out with his brothers and then disappeared only to come home after some crazy shit happened to the rest of them?

So many times

He doesn’t have time for their foolishness

He parties to get away from them

You know sometimes he just needs a break from his family dynamic

Even though when he gets drunk, Lucifer usually gets a voicemail

And… it’s soft

Satan has no idea those voicemails exist

Lucifer keeps them for blackmail

He also just keeps them to remind himself that Satan has a heart and isn’t a fucking dick to him all the time… don’t let the insult fool you, he actually really cares for Satan and hearing him be nice is pleasant

「 Asmodeus 」

He is a fashion design major

He’s known what he’s wanted to do since he was a child.

He’s been making his own clothes for years

People always stare at him because wow he looks good

He also decided to minor in music

Specifically focusing on his voice

Boy can sing

And sing he does

Sometimes Belphegor tells him to shut up

To which Asmo responds with

“I can’t hear you over my Grammy Award worthy voice! Did you say something?”

Before Belphegor can respond

Asmo is singing again

It’s futile

He never stops

That helps him in his Acapella Group though

He loves singing with them

Invites his brothers to every performance

Actually, gets happy if they show up

He’s the treasurer of Student Government

He’s actually very good with his money

He basically runs his own mini fashion business after all

He not only creates clothes for himself

But other people too

And don’t even get me started on his make-up looks

He’s literally an icon

He walks into a room and people know exactly who he is

He also has a YouTube channel

Focusing on fashion and beauty

He’s decently popular

And he loves it

He’s the other one in a frat

His frat is the most popular on campus

Everyone knows it

Everyone knows the people in it

And he loves the attention

So many girls and guys on campus throw themselves at him

And he loves that too

He always treats whoever he decides to bring home with him like royalty

Even though he’s had several hook ups and one-night stands

People don’t mind

Because he’s

1)

AMAZING AT IT

and

2)

HOT AS FUCK

He knows it

And he is not afraid to show it

He parties every night

Like actually

If he isn’t partying, it’s concerning

He’s one that believes that college are the best years of your life

And he isn’t letting that slip away from him

No matter how much Lucifer yells at him to stop partying all the time

Of course, partying is also an excuse for him to ignore some other things

So, he does it a lot

When he’s with someone else is when he’s happiest

So, he always makes sure to be with another person

「 Beelzebub 」

Bet you think he’s gonna major in culinary science

WRONG

That’s his minor

His major

Is Family and Child Science

He wants to help people so bad

Especially children

He wants to do everything in his power to make sure that children live happy lives

So, his main goal in the end is to either be a school counselor or a crisis counsellor

He’s very serious about what he does

And he holds some past trauma

So, he wants to make sure people have someone to talk to when bad things happen

Of course, he also loves making food

He loves eating it more, though

But honestly

He’s a student athlete

Of course, he needs food

He’s always moving

He’s the captain of the American football team at their school

If he wasn’t going into child services

You’d best believe he was going into the NFL

Mans can PLAY football

It’s also really nice to have him in Student Government

Because the student body actually respects them because of it

He’s the secretary

It’s always nice when Lucifer asks Beel for the notes they took that meeting

He hands them over

Super detailed

Perfect, even

He always pays attention

He’s great at listening

And he knows how much it means to Lucifer

So, he never disappoints

He isn’t in any other clubs other than student government

But that’s because he’s on teams

Like I said, one hell of a football player

And if he’s not home making food or doing schoolwork

He’s at practice

Or just at the gym

He’s always bettering himself

And he’s certainly a campus heartthrob

It’s always fun going out with him

because he is the heaviest of all the heavy weights

His record for taking shots is twenty-one

That should have KILLED HIM

It didn’t kill him

BUT

That’s definitely his limit

That was an interesting night

Beel is just happy that his brothers happened to be there

He wasn’t too happy when he realized Mammon did something even more stupid than taking twenty-one shots

Lucifer made sure they were both okay though

Which Beel appreciated

He just… avoids vodka as much as possible now

Too many bad memories

At least from what he can remember

「 Belphegor 」

Like Beel

Belphie really cares about the mental state of people

Not children specifically

Just people in general

He’s just

Not cut out to be a counsellor

He doesn’t have the personality for that

He needs to do something that can actually take his sarcastic ass and allow him to use it for the better

SO

He does some research

And something catches his eye

Rehabilitation Coordinator

Specifically Rehab for drugs and alcohol

He’s no-nonsense enough to enforce the rules of the facility, but still be able to care about these people

And become one

He needs to go to nursing school

This is difficult for him

He really enjoys sleeping

And this whole getting up early for clinicals thing?

Not ideal

However

After talking to his advisor about it

And by talking

I mean just straight up telling him he’s nocturnal got severe insomnia and waking up early is a no go

He gets put on the night shift

And that does wonders of good for him

The brothers barely see him

He’s either in class, asleep, or at the hospital

The only brother he ever really makes time for is Beel

They’re twins

Of course, he’s going to make time for him

A lot of the time, Belphie will return home around the same time Beel wakes up to go on a morning run

So, they have breakfast together

Because of his chaotic schedule

The only club he’s in is Student Government

And he did his best to snag the easiest position

The Reporter position

He just

Submits stories to the papers in the area

That’s it

He loves it

It’s so easy

Lucifer has to remind him to do it sometimes, though

He doesn’t mean to forget

He’s just got a lot going on

He needs to memorize he human anatomy, Lucifer

Some things are more important

He rarely goes out

He isn’t fond of parties

Even though he’s a night owl and enjoys the occasional drink

There are too many people

The main reason he goes is to make sure Beel doesn’t get too wasted

Not after that one time

But he did party a little hard when he found out he passed a test that he needed to get higher than a C on to stay in his major

He celebrated

Sleeping was the last thing on his mind that night

He was so hungover in the morning

[4pondsinabox]

Women of the Waverider: Zari Tarazi

You know how some things “fans” say just really don’t sit right with you and you just sit there letting things fester in your brain for weeks and weeks until it all tumbles out into one giant essay? So yeah.

A few weeks ago, I created an extensive post on the Legends of Tomorrow Amino analyzing who I have found to be the four most hated characters on this wonderfully wacky time-travel show. All, naturally, are women and two are evidently non-white. Very curious, wouldn’t you say? After pissing some people off by stating “inherent societal misogyny affects the way we perceive female characters, especially when they act similarly to beloved male characters,” I resolved to move my argument here and see what other damage I could do.

For length purposes, I’m only focusing on Zari for today, but will be happy to transfer the others over if this makes any number of notes. Now, down to business:

Why do I love Zari 2.0 and Why Should You?

“Annoying” and “Spoiled brat” are the words I most commonly see associated with Zari Tarazi. Because the first of these is completely unhelpful in arguments (tell me WHY you find her annoying, then we can talk), I will focus on the second and how much it completely ignores her family dynamic. In the very first episode she is introduced, Zari is shown to be constantly ignored by her parents in favor of her brother. By definition, she cannot be spoiled because she’s not even given the attention she craves, much less whatever she wants. It’s no wonder her relationship with Behrad was strained to start with, when the favorite child is so evident. This is where her social media followers come in.

Kids are always in need of attention, of someone to take pride in their efforts and tell them they are doing a good job. When they don’t receive this attention, they latch on to something or someone else. Clearly, a young Zari, who had launched to fame with her dragon taming and received no evident approval from her parents, turned to her fans for support. Zari Tarazi is no longer a child, but old habits die hard and posting photos and videos online is her way of feeling like SOMEONE cares about her. “I have millions of followers but no friends” is what tells Ava and the audience that Zari has tried for so long to get people to like her from afar but has made no personal connections in the process. This is why her relationships with other members of the Waverider, which gradually grow over the course of the series, are so so important.

Ava was her first true friend, the person who connected with the real Zari, not the facade she created for social media. For the first time, Zari belonged somewhere, with a team no less. That little smile when she is told she is finally part of one? It tells all. She connected with Mick through their shared experiences with fans and supported him when he didn’t know how to deal with a particularly difficult troll. She had every intention to try and befriend Astra, even after getting off on the wrong foot. Zari wants only to make connections with people, real people, in a way she’s never been able to before. It’s hardly a crime to want to look good in the process.

The phrase “Zari 2.0 doesn’t fit with the Waverider team because she lacks experience like the old Zari” is misogynistic at its core. Zari 1.0 was “experienced” because she saw her family killed and had to grow up fast to survive. “Experience” is not the word you are looking for here, it is trauma, and trauma is not what makes women interesting. Zari Tarazi IS different in personality from the rest of the Waverider team, but that’s what makes her such a critical addition. When Mona was booted off, the writers needed another character who could lighten up the team in Ray’s absence. Zari brings the Drama but also Humor and Fun to a group of people who often forget how to have it. Amidst an ex-assassin, a studious clone, a grumbling thief, stressed shapeshifter, and brooding magician, someone who knows how to throw a good party and host it with style turned out to be a welcome change for many of them. Prior to this, only the men were given the chance to goof off while the women were always in charge of missions and rules, so isn’t it refreshing to see these gender stereotypes reversed?

But that’s just scratching the surface. Something else Zari possesses that none of the others do? Social skills. Who else was going to teach Ava how to lure popular party woman Marie Antoinette out of her element? Who else could have come up with the crazy suggestion to start a sorority and successfully draw out the god of wine and parties? Zari 2.0 may not have visible superpowers or be a hacker, but she understands people, which is something none of the other legends can claim and is a kind of superpower in itself.

The most ironic argument frequently made against her character? How John Constantine should never be paired with someone so different from him. The woman who, despite evident self-hatred, acts superior to everyone else is somehow different from John “drown my sorrows in alcohol and distance myself from everyone to act too cool for them” Constantine. Zari may have a bigger wardrobe and John might wear the same outfit over and over again, but fundamentally they have much common ground in the way they see themselves and how they hide it by acting superior around other people. This relationship wasn’t hastily thrown together like Nate and Zari 1.0, who have absolutely nothing in common. “John would never choose to be with someone like her!” You mean someone who acts just as stubborn and full of themselves as he is? Their big egos were bound to clash at first, but these similarities won each other over in the end.

It’s so easy to reduce feminine characters to dumb airheads and this is exactly why posts “defending womanhood and femininity” have been trending so much the last few years. It’s exactly why Tala herself pleaded with the fans in an interview to “please give this new Zari a chance” BEFORE any episode had even aired. Women are told that to be “strong” and successful in life they should act more like men, which is far from the truth. Zari Tarazi IS feminine, but also a successful, adored businesswoman who knows how to get what she wants. Viewers might hate her for it, but she subverts the “dumb feminine woman” trope in a way that’s incredibly important for fashion and makeup loving women today.

Before wining that the writers transformed Zari into a bunch of stereotypes, actually watch the show and rethink why you might feel the way you do about a certain character. It’s safe to say not every character clicks with every fan, but boiling hatred towards a confident, influential, feminine woman just ... does not translate well.

[degenerate-perturbation]

Chapters: 26/38 Fandom: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening, Dragon Age II Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Female Amell/Female Surana Characters: Female Amell, Female Surana, Anders, Velanna, Nathaniel Howe, Oghren (Dragon Age), Justice (Dragon Age), Sigrun (Dragon Age), Varric Tethras, Isabela (Dragon Age), Male Hawke (Dragon Age), Pride Demon(s) (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Harm, Blood Magic, Prostitution, Drowning, Wilderness Survival, Mind Control, Human Experimentation, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better Series: Part 2 of void and light, blood and spirit Summary: Amell and Surana are out of the Circle, and are now free to build a life together. But when the prison doors fly open, what do you have in common with the one shackled next to you, save for the chains that bound you both?

Calder was dead.

She hadn't meant to kill him, but it was still her fault. She'd taken away his ability to feel pain or fear. She'd thought it kind. 

Loriel put the body in stasis, so it would not rot, and sat down by it. The floor was sticky. Blood new and old stained her robes. She'd hoped to have years. He'd lasted hardly a month.

Idly she wondered whether he would still be her thrall, if she raised him. Probably not. Blood magic affected the mind through the body; it couldn't touch the spirit. But it didn't matter. She didn't need his spirit. 

(Probably. Maybe.)

She needed to talk to her collaborator. By now the summoning spell came easily.

Veritas stretched catlike through the rip in the Fade. "Hello, little mageling. Have you updates for me? Did you try the experiment I suggested?"

"Yes," she said flatly. "It killed him."

Veritas tilted its head, curiously. "Oh? What did it?"

"I haven't yet ascertained the exact cause.” Her fingers curled into fists and released over and over again. “I didn't think...I didn't realize it would kill him."

Calder hadn't either. He hadn't felt the pain. Her own fault, for failing to appreciate the necessity of pain. How many times would she have to learn the same lesson? She should have known better.

"Shall we discuss the likeliest possibilities?" Veritas offered.

"Oh, you mean you don't know?" Loriel said sarcastically. "You are an utterly useless demon of knowledge."

"As you've so cleverly noted in the past, my dear Loriel Surana, I do not know everything," sniffed Veritas. "If I did, I would have even less use for you than I do now. I have never taken a mortal body and know comparatively little of such things."

It was true that Veritas had shown remarkably little interest in escaping its bindings or trying to possess her. Perhaps that was part of the reason she kept summoning it. The one time she had asked why it showed so little interest in the mortal world, Veritas had said, I prefer to watch.

"Be that as it may," she seethed, "You've killed my only subject. They are not easy to come by."

"Lie. You killed him. As for coming by subjects-they could be easier to come by if you stopped be so precious about where they come from."

"I’m past that. I don't care where they come from," Loriel said. "I care about keeping the loyalty of my Seneschal. If I were some apostate crouched in a filthy cave, I could do as you say, but I am the Arlessa of Amaranthine and Commander of the Grey."

"Hm. You are that. I wonder why?" 

"I have to be. For any of this to matter."

"Lie," Veritas noted.

"Enough. We have work to do,” she snapped. “This situation must be salvaged. I have the body in stasis, but my magic and the taint interact strangely, and it likely will not last."

They talked a while more about what further use Calder’s body might be, before it was too far gone. The next few days went to those experiments. Not useless, but not what she needed.

She did end up raising his shade, out of guilt and grim curiosity. There wasn’t much left of it. Weeks under such crushing mental pressure had left his spirit confused, enraged, and in pain. It didn’t even look human anymore.

It tried to kill her. She dismissed it before it ever got close, but as it was ripped from this world she thought she saw hints of magma in its facsimile of skin. 

For several heart-hammering minutes she believed that she had created a Rage demon.

Veritas confirmed that she might have, or at least, the beginnings of one. But more likely before the seed of psychic nucleation could form a demon, the shade would diminish to a wisp and eventually dissolve into the emerald waters. 

Most likely.

tck

After that she seriously considered stopping. Would she have done that to Calder’s body if she had known what it would do to his soul? She had thought she had accepted the evil in herself, made her peace with it, but in the abyss of her heart there seemed always to be another unseen chasm, and each time she teetered on the edge she could not help but cling to it.

How could she possibly bear to do that again?

But...could she bear to have done that, and known it to have accomplished nothing? Could she bear to find another way, and know that she needn’t have?

Yes. Yes, she could bear it. Veritas would never let her pretend to be too weak for that. But though she could bear a world where she had done needless evil, that did not guarantee it was this world. It did not mean she was free.

She scrubbed her hands until they were red and stinging and almost clean, and went to go receive Brigit’s report.

No new deaths. No new Callings. No sign of the Architect.

“Oh, and Brigit,” Loriel said, almost on impulse, just as the Seneschal prepared to bow and go. “One further question. The sheriff of Amaranthine. What sort of man is he?”

Brigit had taken her Commander’s direction to dress more finely. She wore a high-necked woolen gown beneath a vest dashed through with silverite. Sapphires glittered at her ears. Her back was ramrod straight and she looked every inch a queen. But there remained the trace of hesitation when she answered: “I believe that he believes himself to be a righteous man.”

“And you do not agree with his self-assessment.”

“He is merciful. But he is not just.” Brigit’s lips pressed together. “I have had reports of certain crimes under his jurisdiction going unpunished, or punished far too lightly. Those committed against women, children, elves…I have thought about replacing him, but he is popular in Amaranthine. Mercy, however unearned, often is.”

“No need to replace him. No need to cause an upset.” The barest of pauses. “But perhaps we might consider having more prisoners sent to the Vigil for processing.”

Brigit listened carefully, and spoke slowly: “You wish to offer them the Joining?”

“Everyone deserves a second chance.” Smooth, perfectly reasonable. “Don’t you agree?” 

The Seneschal took her meaning. 

“But of course, I do not insist,” Loriel said quickly. "You know how much I value your opinion.”

Faint color came to the Seneschal’s cheeks. She could have said no. She could have taken the out. Loriel gave her every chance.

“I agree with you completely, ser,” the Seneschal said instead, and she knew what she was doing, she had to have known. “I’ll make the arrangements.”

Loriel did not thank her. Only nodded, and that was her cue to go.

She leaned back and closed her eyes.

If she was going to do this, she could not afford to let her pride keep getting in the way. She needed to talk to the expert. She needed to go see Avernus.

tck

She sent a short, impersonal note to Avernus that she would be arriving that week. She gave no further details. Even if she had been stupid enough to write down anything sensitive, every time she sat down to compose anything, after nearly a full year of silence, her mind went blank.

The ride to Soldier’s Peak was long and full of uneasy dread, but when she arrived, Avernus acted like nothing had happened. He shuffled around his tower, checking on bubbling reagents and pulsating petri dishes of living flesh, asking terse questions without waiting for answers. She couldn’t tell if he genuinely had not noticed the absence of her letters or if this was an act for her benefit—and if it was an act, if it was a kind one or scornful one. 

Even if it were scorn, it wouldn’t matter. There could be no room for pride.

“I’ve begun to use human subjects,” she said bluntly.

She expected him to gloat, but he only snorted, “About time,” and carried on as though it was nothing, about some experiment with artificial flesh.

“Actually,” she interrupted, “that is what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh? So this isn’t merely a social visit?” As though they’d ever had social visits. “Well, then, I will say this much—I am certainly glad of it. In truth I did not think you would change your mind so soon, but I am glad you have. Now we might move forward.”

His approval pleased her, and her pleasure in that approval disgusted her. 

Avernus knew in detail answers to questions she hadn’t even thought to ask. How to keep a subject alive, with minimal suffering. How to prevent a subject’s spirit from becoming...that thing she had made. She burned with shame to think that she hadn’t asked him before. So much could have been avoided. Already her pride had wrought so much waste.

The only thing she did not mention  was Veritas. She knew what he would say if he knew, and did not want to hear it. Avernus was still sour about his encounter with the demon possessing Sophia Dryden, and would curse her occasionally, anytime he found another thing wrong with the quality of the Fade.

“By the way,” he said, “that black crystal of yours. I looked through my library. I cannot confirm it, but it may be depleted lyrium. You can copy my notes if you wish.”

“Oh. Thank you. I will.” She’d never even heard of such a thing before. When she had shown the crystal to Veritas, the demon had hissed and flinched and demanded she take it away immediately. It had been so enraged, all thousand of its eyes bent upon the thing in hatred; it was one of the few times Loriel had felt frightened of it.

Somehow, despite it all, they settled into an old rhythm, of stark and easy mutual curiosity and intellectual challenge. The extended period of no contact meant that there was much to discuss; his lab space was no longer even recognizable, and Avernus could talk about his ongoing experiments for hours.

There was only one bench he hadn’t spoken of.

“That is old work,” he said. “I figured out the formula years ago. There are some perfections to be made, of course, but there are greater challenges.”

“But what does it do?”

He raised a nearly nonexistent eyebrow. “Do you not know? This is the same tincture you stole from me, when you first barged into my fortress.”

“My fortress,” Loriel corrected. “My deepest apologies for the intrusion. I hadn’t realized you were so enjoying being trapped in your tower and tormented by demons.”

“I far prefer to be trapped in my tower and tormented by my superior officer.” The man’s grin was truly skull-like. She was thankful he rarely showed it. “So, you mean to tell me you never made use of it?”

“No. I hardly even remember taking it,” she said. Lie, she heard Veritas breathe in her ear. “It was only a passing curiosity. Though I suppose might still have it somewhere.” As though she did not know exactly in which drawer she had stowed it. 

“Hmph. Your passing curiosity cost me four months of work. I had to reconstitute it from scratch. Mind you, the new one was better...so I suppose I should thank you.” Avernus hmphed in amusement and returned to his workbench. “I could tell you hadn’t drunk it yourself, but I thought perhaps you had passed it onto one of your less talented compatriots. That woman of yours, perhaps. Where has that one gotten to, anyway? I have not seen her here of late.”

At first Loriel could only stare in disbelief. By some miracle, in all these years, Avernus had not once, not a single time, ever inquired about her. 

Loriel laughed, a thin dry sound, and couldn’t stop. 

She knew that there was some reason that she liked him. No wonder he hadn’t written over the past year. What was a year to him? He probably had no idea she’d even been angry. That she had spent any time at all worrying about what he thought of her suddenly struck her as the height of absurdity.

“And just what is so funny?” the old blood mage said dryly. Dryly, of course dryly. Anything so old would be so dry. Would she live long enough to dry out like him?

The thought of enduring so many years sobered her instantly. “Nothing. Nothing. My apologies.” She shook her head. “So, what does this tincture do?”

“Yes, yes, don’t be so impatient. It allows a Grey Warden direct access to the taint in his blood, and draw power from it.”

“From the taint? Like blood magic, but with darkspawn blood?”

“Ah, but only a mage might learn blood magic. With my brew, any Grey Warden, even a mundane could have gained this power. Limitedly, of course, limitedly...there is simply no substitute for a lifetime of training, but a strong-willed Grey Warden born without a hint of Fade about him might have eventually bested a mage of mediocre Circle training. A Grey Warden is so intimately connected to the taint in his blood, you know...Many of my subjects mentioned how profoudnly it changed them to truly gain mastery over that part of themselves.” Then he shrugged. “But the side effects could be quite unpleasant. Took me ages to work out a formula that wouldn’t kill the subject sooner or later. Worth it, perhaps, but perhaps not. Certainly  interesting for a Warden mage...there is nothing quite like it. The precision of blood magic, without the cost.” The old mage shrugged. “Mind—the vial you have must have long expired. It is likely poison now. Here is your chance, if you still want it.”

She glanced askance at the bubbling still. “No thank you,” she said primly. “I am not in the habit of experimenting on myself.”

“That is precisely your problem,” Avernus snorted. “But suit yourself.”

Lie, lie, lie, rang Veritas’s sing-song in her head. Of course she had not forgotten the vial. Every once in a while, organizing her cupboards, she would come across it, black and still bubbling, alive, after all these years. She would pick it up, and hold it, and feel its unnatural warmth in her hand. She had done so just last month.

She ended up staying longer at Soldier’s Peak than strictly necessary. There was, as ever, much to do, but for the first time in a long time she was not eager to do it.

tck

“How much powdered deathroot for a draught of neutralization?”

“One of a thousandth of fifteen grams.”

Loriel measured it out, and did not speak again for many long minutes, when she asked: “What is the temperature at which silverite melts?”

“Six-thousand and seventeen degrees.”

She checked the expensive thermometer, ordered for a kingly sum direct from Orzammar, and raised the temperature in the furnace. It would be some time before it would be ready. She would take the opportunity to organize her notes from Avernus. 

Veritas prowled. The summoning spell Loriel had been using lately allowed for it.

“Where was Angletierre?” she asked idly, coming across a name she did not recognize.

“It is an old name for Ferelden, in Old Orlesian.” Loriel hummed vaguely and kept reading, until Veritas lost its patience. 

“Was there a purpose to you summoning me? Or do you intend to sit in silence ignoring me except when you desire answers to your petty questions?”

“The summoning spell takes nearly five minutes,” Loriel said indifferently, turning a page. “It doesn’t make sense to dismiss and recall you each time I have something to ask. You have free movement about this space; use it if you like.”

“You are incredibly rude, to invite a guest into your home and then ignore him all day long.” When she did not respond, it prodded her: “So, how has your pet blood mage been?”

“Same as ever. Naturally.” She set the stack of books and notes that she had brought upon the oaken desk. “I believe I am comfortable moving forward now, with the next set of experiments."

“And when can I expect to meet him? I think he and I would get along.”

“Never. Not happening.”

“Why, Loriel Surana. It almost sounds as though you are ashamed of me. Don’t you want to take me home to meet the rest of the family?”

“Shut up,” she said vaguely, without much venom. “Go and find him in the Fade, if you are so curious.”

“That’s the problem with you blood mages. You hardly touch the Fade.”

“Then you will have to live with disappointment.”

Veritas’s lion tail swished back and forth. “It’s mostly the mages with an unusual propensity for my kind that I can find most easily. Spirit mages, you call them.”

“Mhm.” Loriel stayed focused on organizing the notes. 

“She’s doing just fine without you, you know.”

She was at first so puzzled by the non sequitur that she had no idea how to respond. “Pardon?”

The demon’s eyes blinked and shivered all over its body, as its words slowly registered. 

“You should see her from my end,” said Veritas, relishing every word. “Lit up like a beacon. Impossible to miss. Shall I tell you where she is?”

The spell broke. “No, thank you.”

“She’s in Dairsmuid right now. Surrounded by family and friends, free and whole at last.”

“Good. That was quite the point.”

Silence for a time. “You could have been so happy together.”

“We already weren’t.”

She got through several sheafs before the demon spoke again, “Does it bother you, that you are utterly alone?”

“I am no more alone than anybody else.”

“How interesting. You appear to really believe that.”

“Am I wrong?” She snorted. “We’re all alone inside our heads, at the end of the day.”

“And yet you pour your heart out to a demon, one you regard as not-even-a-person, so desperate are you not to be so alone.”

“I am pouring nothing.” She rolled the scroll up with a snap and turned to give the demon her full attention. “Veritas. Precisely what is the point of this little game?”

Veritas smiled broadly. “Simply making conversation.”

“Not one I am interested in having," she snapped. "I do not live in the past. You cannot draw me there with taunts.”

Veritas chuckled, so deep that the stone itself seemed to shake. “Ridiculous mageling. As though you are anything but a mountainous heap of Past, covered by the thinnest crust of Present.”

She rolled her eyes. “Clever. But if you wish to perturb me then I suggest you try a different approach. I do not think of her. I do not think of that time in my life at all.”

It tilted its head. “How interesting! That was the truth. You really don’t think of her.” It settled, and at first Loriel thought it was the end of it. “But she thinks of you.  And such thoughts they are, shouted out into the Fade for anyone to hear. Aren’t you curious what they are?”

“I have no intention in indulging myself,” she said, which was not, strictly speaking, the answer to its question.

Veritas huffed. “You are intolerably boring.”

“I am truly sorry that I cannot be of more amusement. But there is nothing true in this world that I would flinch to know. I am not afraid of you.”

Suddenly the demon sprang up. She felt rather than saw it move.

“You should be afraid. And you should be sorry.” She could feel its hot breath on the back of her neck. “If you did not amuse me, I would not give you so many truths for free.”

Slowly, slowly, she turned around. It knew as well as she did that if it touched her, it would be bound. Loriel had embedded the glyph in her skin. She made a point to smile. “For free? As though I rely on your generosity?”

“You can no more force me to serve you than drink the Fade.”

“Try me," she hissed. "I like you, Veritas, and I like your company. You keep me honest.” She thought—intended—the spell of repulsive force. The demon skidded away from her, into the corner, growling. “But this latest game of yours is tiresome and nothing requires me to tolerate it. I summoned you in the first place because I was not on speaking terms with my collaborator, and that is no longer the case.”

“Indeed? You have no further need of me?” The demon’s thousand eyes gleamed. “Is that why you summoned me hours ago, just to keep you company?”

“I said I liked your company. Not that I needed it.”

“Hmm. That is so. It seems that there is precious little that you need. And even less you want." Again the demon settled. "You fascinate me, Loriel Surana. You are rude, but you are interesting.”

“I will take that as a compliment.”

A period of renewed silence, interrupted only by the scratching of her quill.

“Did you know,” said the demon of truth, “that your mother has been waiting in the courtyard to see you for over a fortnight?”

The spilled ink ruined several sheafs of parchment, and the stain never did come out of the woodgrain.

[mgkconfessions]

AMAs 2020 2/2

The tattoo

Actually she got the gunman as a tattoo, because the gunna or gunner would be el artillero. I guess that didn’t sound as nice so she went with el pistolero, but it isn’t really his nickname and with everything that she pretends to know about Kells, it makes me laugh that this is what she wanted on her body to honor him! Says a lot about who she is as a person and what version of Kells she cares about in this relationship. She got a nickname of his stage name, not his real name. She’s all about MGK and doesn’t give a fuck about Colson. Even Col would have been better for a love tattoo and would have been a lot more personal and shown him that she accepts and loves Colson too and not just MGK. But el pistolero only makes her look like a groupie who is excited to date her favourite singer and she’s obviously living out her bad boy fantasy with him. It’s even more tacky, because she’s supposed to be his real first love and serious girlfriend, but all she cares about is his public fame side and she only needs Colson to make MGK depending on her.

It’s embarrassing and she should get it removed as quickly as possible! Maybe she can get Brian’s tattoo removed together with Kells’ then :). Don’t feel bad for her, first time it’s a mistake, but second time it’s a choice. She or they want to be stupid, let them be stupid. They have to live with the tattoos and public humiliation.

No, she said that she got his nickname, but we only ever heard her call him Buddha and Lamby, so we joked around which one she would choose and for her own sake she should have gone with Buddha, because that would have been the one that people would associate the least with Kells.

We talked about the tattoos and Banyan Tree before, but absolutely not planned at all Megan properly revealed the tattoo for the first time on her red carpet debut with Kells to get more attention for it. And even less calculated she started rumours about it only shortly before with the fan pictures. I assume that Kells is next with a public love declaration, maybe we will see his M.F. tattoo for her that I will forever read as mother fucker ^^! I assume it’s somewhere near his crotch or hip or on his butt cheeks. If it’s on a body part that we have seen then it’s very unnoticeable. The tattoos are real, but I believe that they didn’t show them on purpose to reveal them at the best time for the most media coverage. Imagine that’s how your relationship is like. Everything is planned to fit into your PR strategy! Sorry to say this, but Kells isn’t smarter than this. He does and says stupid things all the time and whatever you thought about Kells doesn’t apply to his 2020 Megan Fox version. This isn’t Kells anymore, this is Richard! Old Kells would have never done that, but Richard surely does these things and calls the paparazzi to become more famous. Kells has a tattoo for Casie and got it quite early on. It’s right under his nipple, close to his heart :)! I don’t think that Megan has any tattoos for her kids tho, she seriously got a tattoo for Kells before she got one for her own children!

Apparently neither of them learned anything from the past tattoos and relationships. Megan got the second time a tattoo for a man who she knew around 3 or 4 months at that time although her last relationship and marriage didn’t last either despite having a tattoo of Brian’s name. An anon said that the woman on Kells’ side is about a comic figure, but I couldn’t find a picture of that comic figure with a mole on her face which Kells’ woman has and Hedi has one too. Then with the caution band around it, I still believe that it means that he should be careful with women like Hedi and still with that tattoo on his body he’s dating someone even worse than her now. Neither of them learned anything from their past mistakes, we can only hope that they will do it now when their relationship ends. I don’t think that the fang tattoo has anything to do with Megan, because his Instagram caption was “take me away from all this death” and I think that it’s more about how he has lost so many friends and important people in the years that he wants to be taken away from it and vampires are also dead but still alive.

It’s so many things this year that made him incredibly unattractive! I honestly can’t even imagine them having a normal conversation with each other, so I don’t think that there was any discussion about their tattoos for their exes. I don’t see them bringing up topics that might be a sensitive spot for the other one so that they will never fight.

She did this the second time now. I don’t know why after Brian she didn’t realize that tattoos for your boyfriends aren’t a good idea and especially not for guys who majority of people believe to still be capable of cheating, because they’ve done it in the past all the time.

They were already doomed when Megan decided that he was her twin flame on the second day, but the tattoo is an amazing symbol for a relationship that will fail too. :)

It’s just Megan trying to be edgy and cool. From all of his nicknames and symbols she could have got for him as a tattoo, the wrong version of the gunna just shows that she’s obviously living out her bad boy fantasy and she wants to be the hot chick at the side of this bad boy MGK LMAO! ^^ It doesn’t fit to her caring about his well being tho and that he calmed down, which I doubt he has, and since she’s pouring him Tequila and emotionally manipulated him from the beginning, I don’t think that she truly cares about him either. She’s dating his image and his celebrity, but not the real Colson. Kells struggled so much with accepting that there’s Colson too and his own girlfriend gets his “nickname” as a tattoo, but even she only cares about MGK. Megan hasn’t seen Kells’ party and wild side yet when he’s on tour and on stage performing. Would she still want to date him if he was sucking on girls’ boobs on stage, hip thrusting them into the crowd and have sex inside the tour bus with multiple girls? I don’t think so, because remember Megan was the one who got him out of the fast lane and Colson Baker doesn’t need more women anymore or that whole party lifestyle. No, he’s an obedient lamby to Megan now :)!

Pregnancy rumours

Megan isn’t pregnant. At the AMAs she had a little belly, but she’s a mother of three and even skinny people can have a small belly. The shiny fabric only emphasized it. Last year in December she had a little belly too and wasn’t pregnant. It’s probably just her figure or she was bloated. Also it doesn’t seem like Kells got any other girl pregnant since Casie’s mum and he has been smoking a lot of weed every day for years too. I think he takes children quite seriously and I don’t really see him accidentally get a girl pregnant, not even Megan. And Megan didn’t sound like her body could take another pregnancy either or like she wanted more.

Kells’ post

I honestly think that her finger was the only thing that he could grab of her lmao! ^^ With all the other pictures from that day and the way Megan announced him, it looked like she didn’t even want to take one of their couple mirror selfies with him that day. Kells was ready to take the picture and trying to get her in front of the mirror too, but she didn’t want to. Even her smile isn’t really a smile. It’s like she was awkwardly saying “yeeeaah” to appear like she wanted to take a picture and was having fun too, although she hated being there or maybe she wanted to give us a different facial expression, because they always look so serious in their mirror selfies and now she wanted to show how much fun she can be in a not very convincing way tho. It looks awkward and they seem off in that picture too.

I think that he did sleep with a gun right next to him, however not all the time, because Casie has been sleeping in that bed too and who took the gun away then? Not Megan! Because she wasn’t even around that time! He needed an Instagram caption that again would make everyone believe how real and deep their love is and how much she changed him into a new man :’). I can’t take anything seriously that he says about them, because he’s always doing too much and it’s always the same old story just with different words. Also what does it matter if she made him put the gun away when she’s enabling him in his alcohol excesses. For the boys sharing their pictures, I don’t believe that anyone of them cares a lot about Megan and is very interested in getting to know her, because she’s dating their friend. Kells went to the AMAs with Megan of course they will choose their couple pictures to post about it.

Watching AMAs

I believe that Megan only came to watch the show and then left, because her signature water bottle left the table eventually and Megan wasn’t on any of those pictures anymore either and when Kells was in the kitchen with many others too, Megan wasn’t there and she’s usually where Kells is. I assume that the food wasn’t organic and sushi enough for her and instead of bringing something as well that she and others could eat from too, she didn’t eat there and left early. I believe that she really only came to watch it. She doesn’t seem to like his friends anyway. It must have been embarrassing for her to see her announcing Kells and Travis on television in front of everyone! It’s funny how nobody filmed that part of their performance to put it on Instagram ^^.

Twitter Trends

You know what’s sad? When Megan Fox and Sydney Sweeney were both trending on the day of the AMAs, but Kells the guy and reason for them to even have the opportunity to be trending on Twitter, wasn’t. Kells’ performance wasn’t amazing and one time he even sang the wrong lyrics and overall he seemed quite out of breath too, but it’s obvious that whenever Megan will be there, everyone focuses on Megan and not him. Regardless of that I don’t think he needs Megan, because he’s the one who is getting all these opportunities to be seen and heard and not her. So yes, she has to insert herself into everything to get her 5 minutes of fame and Kells allows it, because her name gets him more attention and he can show everyone that he’s dating her for his own ego.

[thisiswhatwereupagainst]

TL;DR Went into Captain Britain and Excalibur just to read Meggan, expected to hate Brian, found out they both were bad to each other and are both very injured, traumatized characters grappling with gender norms in their own way, and I have a lot of sympathy and love for them BOTH now even if they definitely are not a good couple at this point. So, I am keenly interested in Meggan Puceanu as a character and a concept. Just learning some very basic things about her prompted THIS META POST three years ago. And that was before I really plunked down and decided to read all her stuff in order. And while I have yet to read ALL of it by a longshot. But I’ve gotten through about 20 issues now, from her first appearances in “The Mighty World of Marvel” in 1984, to meeting and joining up with Brian Braddock/Captain Britain in the second series of Captain Britain in 1985, to the first five issues of Excalibur in 1985. So yeah, keep in mind reading this, I am only up to Excalibur #5. And I know I probably should wait before writing all this stuff, read more, see if my interpretations hold true. But I have so many thoughts and I just can’t wait that long! So please read on with the understanding I may be proven completely wrong in these perceptions later. That said.... I had some basic knowledge of Brian and Meggan’s dynamic. I knew that she was completely emotionally dependent on him, that her every emotion hinged on his approval and attention, that a lot of her very identity was based around pleasing him as his girlfriend. I also knew he’d been a real dick to her, and that his descent into alcoholism had made him an even bigger dick. So, I was really prepared to dislike him. And while I do still dislike the power imbalance that their relationship was founded on, I ended up having very different feelings about Brian himself than I expected---I thought I was going to encounter a shitty macho man himbo asshole who treated Meggan like shit just because. Seriously, look at THIS and THIS and THIS! What a JERK! I was all prepped to despise this guy and yell about toxic masculinity and how Meggan deserved better. Instead, what I found was someone who was as broken and in pain as Meggan herself, but who got far less sympathy for it than she did, both from other characters and from fans. The first big shock that I got was that Brian had been raped twice by female villains in the second Captain Britain series, before Excalibur began. I had actually read about this a couple years ago on TV Tropes, but seeing it was something else. I wrote a longer post about it HERE As noted in the post, Brian never told anyone about either of these incidences as far as I know, nor getting any kind of therapy or treatment. He also started drinking after this happened. And as of Excalibur beginning, Betsy is dead (or so he believes) and he’s grappling a lot with that too. I think it was unethical of him not to rebuff Meggan when she first came on to him, for reasons I’ll discuss later in this post, but also makes sense for his character, not because he’s an unethical person but because he’s actually very passive and seems to just accept whatever is demanded by him of others; he talks about this with Courtney, how he has no choice in being Captain Britain, how it was imposed on him, asking if he’s a coward for just wanting a little of his own life and she unsympathetically says it’s “obscene” how he “can’t be bothered” to “take charge” of his own life (Excalibur #3). It’s a very unusual flaw for a male character. In his own way, he’s at the mercy of what others demand him to be as much as Meggan is with her powers, and I find that really interesting. I already knew that Meggan is very much a reflection of the demands placed on women by society, literally twisting her own emotions and physical forms to coincide with what is considered beautiful and what others desire, whereas Brian, it turns out, is himself a reflection of the demands placed on men---he has to be a warrior, whether he likes it or not (and he doesn’t, it’s part of his backstory that he doesn’t see himself that way at all), he has to be the hero and take care of the girl and he feels he has to just go with it when Meggan decides he’s her man and she needs him. And Meggan is more flawed than I expected. She’s oftentimes shockingly selfish in her obsession with Brian. For instance, when his ex Courtney is kidnapped by the sadistic murderous Arcade, Brian is understandably upset, and this troubles Meggan because she thinks that his being upset means he still cares for Courtney. The selfishness there is staggering; a woman’s life is in danger and Meggan’s first concern is her own love life, and she assumes that the only reason Brian could care about said woman’s life being in danger is if he’s in love with her. Or when Brian’s drinking is first brought up by the rest of the team, Meggan says it hurts her that he turns to those bottles instead of to her (Excalibur #3). So, her problem isn’t that Brian is obviously becoming addicted to alcohol, it’s that SHE isn’t the one that he turns to. She’s got a lot of moments like this. That said, I LIKE this about Meggan. It makes me like her MORE. It makes her WAY more realistic and flawed and human than the archetypical frail damsel who is just an accessory to her man that I was expecting. She’s clingy, she’s possessive, she’s downright nasty and hostile over him a lot! She may not think of herself as a real person, but the writers treat her as one, complete with flaws. Her dependency isn’t treated as a good or romantic thing either, it’s not held up as a female virtue like I was expecting; Brian is actually bothered by it, he confides in Kurt that he doesn’t think he can handle how she relies on him for everything, how he actually PREFERS Courtney because unlike Meggan, Courtney is her own woman-- “She doesn’t seem to NEED me as completely and desperately as Meggan seems to. Sometimes I feel I’m the total and absolute focus of Meggan’s life. It’s a responsibility I don’t think I’m capable of handling.” And Brian is right, this ISN’T a good thing to do in a relationship, Meggan is putting a lot of unfair emotional weight on his shoulders, and he’s already got a lot to bear from his own trauma and loss. In fact, one could even argue that her behavior would be seen as toxic if the genders were reversed. She’s still very sympathetic, of course, because this is coming from a place of real insecurity and need and probably her powers too, but it’s more three-dimensional and complicated than what I originally expected. But I like that. Because again, it’s more realistic, both in terms of Meggan’s behavior and in Brian’s reaction to it---he doesn’t WANT a woman being totally dependent on him and thinking the sun shines out his ass and needing him for everything, he wants another human being. That’s not what I expected a Bad Macho Man Stereotype to be saying! But in fact, Brian says another thing he prefers about Courtney is “she’s her own woman” and  “I can talk to her, Kurt.” (Excalibur #5) Brian is a man who wants to be able to have someone he can be VULNERABLE with, to talk with as an equal about his fears and anxieties---which he does with Courtney, as mentioned---and he can’t do that with Meggan because of the pedestal she puts him on and her needing so much care herself. He says as much himself to Kurt. He also recognizes that he himself probably isn’t equipped to deal with Meggan’s issues, she needs much more help than he can give. This isn’t an idealized thing at all, this is a realistic depiction of two very emotionally injured people in a very messed up dynamic that is bad for BOTH of them, hurting them BOTH. Up til actually reading it, I was expecting it to be one-sided, with Meggan being the only one suffering, but it’s not! And Meggan being like this, of being obsessed with Captain Britain and behaving in a very “cliche” way over him, makes a TON of sense for her, she’s not just obsessed with him for no reason like a typical “just the hero’s girlfriend” character. Meggan grew up being kept secret in her family’s camper-trailer for her then-monstrous appearance, til during the Jasper’s Warp when reality shifted into a world that was putting superhumans, including herself, into concentration camps. While she was in the camps, Captain Britain was a legend as a liberator and freedom fighter who was fighting back against the regime for the sake of people like her. And when reality returned to normal, Meggan was one of the few people who remembered that it had ever changed; she remembered the camps, and she remembered Captain Britain. Even though she’d never even seen him at that point, she clung to him as her one hope. Then the real Captain Britain found her when she was homeless and living in an abandoned warehouse, and he lets her live with him in his mansion because she has nowhere else, which is probably more kindness than she’s ever been shown in her life, and from someone she idolized. Which, as I said way earlier in this essay, does make their relationship an inherently unethical one because of their power imbalance, as he’s got a lot of power over her in terms of being the one providing her with a home, food, clothing, etc., not to mention her emotional dependency that’s obvious well before she makes a move on him. So we’re already starting on really problematic territory. But it makes SENSE for her. Add to that Meggan was raised on television in a VERY literal sense. Again, she was locked up in her camper trailer all day every day her whole life, and so she spent most of her time just watching TV. It’s shown that this has given her SOME UNREALISTIC IDEAS ABOUT HOW TO BEHAVE so I think that absorbing the media’s depictions of how women are “supposed” to behave towards their men is actually pretty realistic. She’s not doing this because the writers think this is just how women are----NONE of the other female characters act at all like she does!---but because SHE thinks it’s what’s normal and expected, and she’s probably very much imprinted on the media’s fantasy fairytale depiction of relationships. Given how she grew up as an ugly monster and seeing herself as such, I can very much see her as latching on the idea of “beautiful sweet woman who is valued for her beauty and being with the lead man and has no identity apart from that” that’s prevalent in media, which she would take for a reflection of reality, a reality that she thought her whole life would be denied to her. So all her behavior has a good in-character reason; she could even be read as a criticism of trying to enact gendered media stereotypes in real life and how they can’t actually work in the complexity of the real world, and how damaging they are to those who absorb them. What’s also funny is that despite appearing to be the standard “strong man, pretty woman” couple, especially with Brian becoming emotionally distant and cruelly pushing her away whilst she’s very emotional and obsessed with pleasing him, is they actually subvert this paradigm as much as they play it straight. The Juggernaut WIPES THE FLOOR with Brian at one point, and then Meggan shows up, shapeshifts into a GIANT MUSCULAR VERSION OF HERSELF, and comes to his rescue with Rachel and Kitty! That’s right, a buff lady and two other ladies save the dude in distress! And then afterwards, she acts like SHE was the one in danger, resuming her default petite form and jumping into his big manly arms while he asks if she’s alright and she says “Always in your arms!” ---it’s hilarious! (Excalibur #3) And of course, speaking of subverting gender stereotypes, there’s Brian’s desire to have a partner he can be vulnerable with, which is really astounding to me----he’s very much grappling with the expectations of toxic masculinity in a way that’s harming him as much as Meggan. Not just in relation to Meggan, but also, as mentioned before, in relation to not having control of his own life as Captain Britain, and being responsible for others. In particular, he’s messed up over Betsy’s (seeming) death, and over not having protected her, as a man would be expected to protect his sister. In the panel right before the “changeling cow!” scene I linked earlier, THIS IS WHAT HE SAYS. He doesn’t see himself as any good if he doesn’t meet impossible standards. And while Meggan reacts to pain by getting teary, Brian consistently reacts to his pain (or trying to hide it) by getting ANGRY, which is consistent with how women vs men are socialized. Which is not to say it’s anything but VISCERALLY HORRIBLE when he lashes out at Meggan, especially given how dependent she is on him, and she absolutely SHOULD have dumped his ass then, but it’s also a lot more three-dimensional than the emotionally abusive drunken bad boyfriend stereotype I was expecting.  I know I’m a broken record on this, but I am just so shocked at how sympathetic I ended up being to a guy I was so prepared to hate and was so cruel to a character (Meggan) that I was already very sympathetic to and invested in. Instead, I’m invested in them BOTH now and want to see them BOTH heal from this, and from each other. So, basically, I was really ready to be mad about Meggan’s lack of agency and her dependence on Brian. And these are things that happen. But the writers are clearly AWARE of it, and treat them as issues to be addressed and overcome. Meggan and Brian come off not as the cliche male and female stereotypes they first appeared, and that I expected, but very critical examinations and sometimes subversions of them, and both are shown as being hurt by the expectations of their gender, and being hurt by each other as they enact those expectations. It’s not totally perfect, not by a long shot, but it’s very interesting and a lot more nuanced than I expected some straight white guys in the 80s to be writing, it’s definitely a far cry from the typical idealized relationship between a hero and a leading lady, and I’m pretty impressed with it. And I’m looking forward to reading more.

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

right under my nose [one-shot]

Prompt: "Rey and Ben are best friends and each other's wing-man/woman when they go out...until one of them catches feelings for the other and everything turns topsy turvy."

It's hard enough setting your best friend up with the perfect one-night-stand. It's practically impossible once you throw feelings into the mix.

I can’t believe it’s taken me nearly five months, but here’s a friends-to-lovers modern AU in which Rey and Ben help each other get lucky without realizing that what they really want is to go home with each other.

Also available on AO3. And hey, maybe check out my Twitter or Ko-fi?

. . .

Ben Solo has made quite a habit of announcing his arrival with a bang.

Literally.

Rey startles as the front door slams shut, and braces herself for a long night ahead as she gets up and pokes her head out the door. Her roommate remains frozen in the entryway, shoulders tense and brow furrowed as he kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his coat.

“I’ll go get dressed,” she announces with a sigh, softening when Ben looks up to offer her a sheepish, apologetic smile.

“That obvious, huh?”

After five years, it really is. They’ve got this down pat now, the both of them, always ready to get dressed and head out to the bar at a moment’s notice. The years have passed, the bar has changed, and their bad days are mainly work- rather than college-related these days, but the routine remains the same: sit back, relax, and watch their best friend work some wingman magic.

They arrive at Finalizer twenty minutes later, greeted by the same neon sign advertising alcohol upstairs and live music downstairs as always. In all the years that they’ve been coming here (only about three, really), Rey has never been to the lounge downstairs. It’s a cozy, couple-y area, the kind Finn and Poe go to, and sometimes she and Ben will joke about finally finding someone to go with; sometimes they’ll even make an effort to do so. But one look at Ben, jaw still tense with the day’s stress, and she knows tonight is not one of those times.

Tonight they head for the bar instead, as they always do, and Phasma is quick to greet them with a commiserating smile. “So, who’s getting lucky tonight?” she asks as Rey and Ben settle into their usual seats at the corner of the bar, granting them the best vantage point in the house.

Rey leans into Ben, nudging his arm with her shoulder, and Phasma nods just once before she heads off to get their usual order started. There’s a grace period when they first get here, twenty minutes and a drink or two, the unspoken offer to talk about their shitty day if they feel like it, before the other gets to work. But that doesn’t mean she can’t look around a bit, scout out some possibilities while Ben pretends to be distracted by his phone while he organizes his thoughts.

There’s a single man on the opposite end of the bar, handsome even as his features seem to mirror Ben’s dark mood – but throwing two miserable people together almost never ends well, as Rey has come to learn over the past five years. A slightly too loud group of girls over in a corner booth, all of them pretty and bubbly and most likely legal, and those Rey files away as a back-up plan. But the woman in the booth next to them, joined by what appears to be a handful of colleagues for after-work drinks… that’s the one, Rey decides when she stands up and makes her way over to the bar. Tall and lithe, glossy brown hair and even prettier brown eyes, a confident walk and a smile just sharp enough to attract attention as she greets Phasma – Ben likes to say he doesn’t have a type, and she’s set him up with enough women over the years to know that he’s not too picky, but this one definitely checks off all the boxes he pretends not to have.

Phasma seems to be on the same page, judging by the knowing look she flashes Rey when she comes by with their drinks a few minutes later. “Old man Snoke on your case again?”

“When is he not?” Ben grouses, adding in a mumbled thanks before he takes a deep swig of his Corellian whiskey. Rey turns her back to him just the slightest bit as she accepts her margarita from Phasma, nodding at the woman who’s rejoined her group.

“Bazine,” Phasma whispers as she pulls out a rag and pretends to wipe the bar. “Here with her officemates, no one in the picture.”

Even with the occasional free drink, this is still the best part about being one of Phasma’s regulars; she’d caught onto the routine within their first few visits, and has been happy to play along ever since. With her help, it’s just that much easier to nudge Ben’s attention towards the group of overdressed professionals in the back, that much simpler to have a drink delivered to Bazine after half an hour of them catching each other’s eye and trading smiles – hesitant, at first, but increasingly bold and secretive and knowing as the evening wears on.

Through it all Rey dutifully remains by Ben’s side and lets him talk her ear off about his godawful boss anyway, but as soon as Bazine gets up to thank Ben for the drink, she’s relieved of her duties for the night.

“Well, my work here is done,” Rey declares cheerfully – and loudly – as Bazine approaches. Best not to let Ben start off with the woman on the wrong foot, even though it’s probably crystal clear by now that Rey isn’t here with him in any… intimate capacity. “You know the drill: have fun, be safe, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Ben smirks as he leans over to pull her into a hug. “As if that’s hard,” he scoffs, holding her close for a moment before he pulls back and presses a kiss to her temple. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

Rey nods and collects her things, waves a quick goodbye to Phasma. “Will do,” she assures Ben, and makes her exit just in time for Bazine to slide into her vacated seat and introduce herself in a low purr. She allows herself one last look at the door, and sighs when she finds Ben completely turned towards the brunette in interest, a smirk playing on his lips as she rests a hand on his thigh.

“Job well done, Niima,” she congratulates herself quietly, and calls it a night. 

. . .

A month later, she finds herself back at Finalizer when Ben decides she’s in need of cheering up.

She’s not, really, it’s just a little disappointing that Finn’s had to delay his visit yet again but Rey’s a big girl, she can handle waiting another two weeks to see her brother, and really this is all so unnecessary–

“Twelve o’clock, Latino guy sitting near the TV,” Ben whispers as he leans over her to reach for a coaster, and well, they’re already out anyway. “He’s been staring at you since we walked in.”

Rey’s discreet about it, waits for some time to pass before she pretends to look at the door and just so happens to drag her eyes past mystery man while she’s at it.

He is staring, and even holds eye contact for a few seconds before he turns his attention to his phone. That brief glimpse is enough for Rey to decide that she wouldn’t exactly mind, and she tells Ben as much a few seconds later.

It’s a subtler game when the tables are turned, more distance between the two of them to hint at Rey’s availability but just enough camaraderie to scare off anyone who should be scared. That had been the whole point of the arrangement back in the day, after all: showing up together buys them enough time to get settled in without being swarmed and makes for an easy way to avoid the kind of people they’d rather not waste time on; the added wingman service is really just a bonus.

The third time Rey looks over, the man greets her with a blinding smile. It doesn’t take long for Ben to launch into a well-rehearsed pep talk after that, and five minutes later Rey’s strolling over with two drinks in hand and a confident smile.

“Hi.”

“Hey!” the man greets her warmly and enthusiastically – a little too enthusiastically, actually. “Rey, right?”

Warning bells go off in her head; the man isn’t familiar in the slightest, and Rey’s pretty sure she would have remembered him if they’d ever met. It’s times like these that she’s glad to have Ben carefully watching, to have Ben within walking distance just in case this seemingly harmless man turns out to be a stalker and she his oblivious target–

“I thought it was you, but Finn’s only shown me a few pictures and, I mean, no offense, but I wasn’t really paying attention to anyone other than him, you know? Especially the ones from your trip to Hawaii–”

And that’s when it clicks.

“Poe!” Rey blurts out a little too loudly as she finally catches on. “Sorry, I recognized you–” a blatant lie, because he’s not a social media person and Finn had insisted that it would be too weird and stalker-y to secretly snap a photo of his longtime crush, “– but it took me a minute to remember your name.”

“No worries,” Poe assures her with a casual wave before he gestures for her to join him. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. And funny, too, because Finn and I were originally planning to meet at this exact bar tonight, and he told me you’d probably come along, but then, you know…” His smile dims for the first time since Rey walked over, and some part of her relaxes at the confirmation that this man is just as gone for her brother as Finn is for him. Which is great, given that Poe finally asked him out the day Finn informed him he’d be coming to visit, and after all these months of watching and listening to her brother pine after his former supervisor, Rey really, really hopes this relationship works out.

“Yeah, that was disappointing for all of us,” she sighs, pushing Poe’s beer towards him before she takes a sip of her wine. “But I have it on good authority that there’ll be no more delays, so at least there’s that to look forward to?”

Poe nods and tips his drink at her before taking a swig. “Definitely. So, who’s your friend at the bar? Might want to let him know that I play for the other team before he comes over to rip me apart.”

Rey nearly chokes on her drink. “Who, Ben? No, no, that’s not–” But then she looks over just in time to catch Ben hurriedly turn away, and they’ve known each other for long enough by now that she can detect just the slightest hint of guilt in his profile.

Probably just him being his usual overprotective self. “He’s just had a long day,” she tells Poe, figuring that that’s the easiest explanation. “Actually I should probably go, we’ve both got work first thing in the morning so we should really be getting home–”

“Right, of course,” Poe agrees easily, mirroring Rey as she stands up and enveloping her in a surprise hug. “It really was nice meeting you, Rey. Hopefully we’ll be seeing each other around.”

Hopefully I’ll be seeing your brother enough to see you around, Rey hears, and allows herself a secret smile. Oh, she is definitely sharing this with Finn; after all that pining, he deserves a little relief and reassurance. “I’m sure we will,” she says as she steps away from the embrace, and offers him a smile. “Good night, Poe.”

Ben isn’t looking when she walks back, and the confusion on his face is almost adorable when he blinks first at her, then Poe, then back at her again. “What–”

“He was staring because he recognizes me,” Rey explains before she drains the last of her wine and sets the glass down on the bar, “from Finn’s photos. The shirtless vacation ones he showed his crush in a last-ditch attempt to get noticed.”

It takes him a second, but when Ben does get it he promptly bursts into laughter. “Oh. Oh. Shit, Rey, that’s– I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be–”

Rey rolls her eyes and slumps back into her seat with a huff, lets Ben have his fun while she finishes his whiskey; she figures he owes her, after all.

“I’m sorry, let’s try again–” Ben offers when he’s finally gotten over it, but the idea’s lost what little appeal it held to her in the first place. They do have work first thing in the morning, but it’s barely even ten; spending the rest of the evening curled up on the couch sounds way better than letting Ben try to find another target for her.

“Can we just go home and watch a movie or something?”

Ben’s already scanning the bar, but he immediately turns back to her with a soft smile. “Sure, sweetheart,” he agrees easily, brushing a lock of hair out of her face before he reaches for his wallet and tucks a few bills under Rey’s glass, catches Phasma’s eye with a wave and points at the money.

“’Night, Phas!” Rey calls out as Ben reaches for her hand and helps her down from the stool, and ignores the little smirk the other woman gives her when she realizes the both of them are heading home together. Against all expectations, she’s discovered over the years that Phasma is a bit of a closet romantic, one who happens to think Rey and Ben have already found the perfect partner to go check out the downstairs lounge with.

But Rey, Rey’s no romantic. She’s a practical person, with a best friend she’d rather keep for life than drive away, thank you very much, and Netflix with her best friend sounds way better than live music with some random person, anyway.

“Are you going to make me watch a Disney movie for tonight’s epic fail?” Ben asks as they leave the bar hand-in-hand.

“I’d say we’re about due for a Moana rewatch, don’t you think?”

Ben bends down to muffle a groan against her shoulder, and Rey keeps on walking with a smile on her face.

. . .

It’s almost Christmas the next time they find themselves at the bar, and the pickings are predictably slim. In fact, Rey’s pretty sure this is going to turn into one of those rare nights when they just end up staying until last call to keep a bored Phasma company.

There’s a table of three older gentlemen, drawn in by the fact that there’s a game on the TV and Phas actually has the volume on tonight for background noise. A young couple is hidden from sight in one of the booths, probably enjoying a quiet date night now that winter break has started. And then, of course, there’s the redhead.

Or the creepy ginger, as Ben has taken to calling him in the last half hour. He’d seemed normal enough at the start of the evening, even a possible candidate at first, but he just keeps staring. It’s unnerving, but not so much that they haven’t been able to make a game out of it, the two of them trying to spook the other into thinking they’re the one Creepy Ginger has his eye on. Ben takes it further by inventing odd mannerisms to go with the odd staring and suggesting possible bad lines he might use on Rey, and by the time the stranger makes his move she’s too busy laughing to even notice it.

A second round for both of them slides into view, and they look up at Phasma to find her head tilted in Creepy Ginger’s direction. “Courtesy of a Mister Armitage Hux, who thinks three’s not a crowd at all.”

This is so much worse than anything even Ben could’ve come up with, and Phas seems to be thoroughly enjoying herself judging by the twinkle in her eye as Ben shudders and Rey instinctively burrows into his chest for protection. She keeps her face hidden even as Ben swivels towards their… benefactor and calls out, “Thanks, man, but we’re good with just us.”

When she finally lifts her head, it’s to find Ben’s arm securely wrapped around her waist. “Creepy Ginger doesn’t seem that happy, so I think we’d better keep up the act. Just to be safe, you know?”

“Just to be safe,” Rey agrees, and rests her head on his shoulder. It’s not like they have to worry about scaring off any potential matches tonight, anyway, and she’d happily take all the fake cuddling in the world in exchange for avoiding further interaction with Armitage Hux, who’s still staring when Rey chances a look ten minutes later.

“Ugh, he’s still looking,” she whispers to Ben, pressing her lips to the skin below his ear in a show of intimacy.

He holds her closer, turns to her with a smile even as he speaks through gritted teeth. “Shh, I think he’s getting up to go to the bathroom and he’s gonna pass by us.”

Rey panics and goes with her first instinct, which is to hide her face in Ben’s shirt yet again. He clears his throat and runs his fingers through her hair, and she can feel laughter rumbling through his chest against her cheek. She resists the urge to take a peek and keeps her eyes squeezed shut, and what feels like an eternity later Ben’s lips brush against her ear as he whispers, “The coast is clear.”

“Let’s go while he’s still in there,” Rey suggests, rummaging through her pockets for the handful of bills she’d tucked into them earlier in the evening. “I feel like he’ll just follow us home otherwise.”

Ben nods and gets to his feet before helping her up as well. “Good call. Phas!” he hisses a little too sharply, and all three of them turn to the direction Hux had disappeared in with bated breath.

“We’re gonna go now,” Rey whispers after a blissfully uneventful beat. “Merry Christmas!”

Phasma comes closer and puts their glasses away, tucks Rey’s crumpled-up bills into her apron. “I’ll keep him distracted to give you a head-start. Think of it as a Christmas gift.”

They shower profuse, hushed thanks upon her for all of five seconds before Rey drags Ben away, and the first half of their walk is utterly silent as they hurry down the street and out of sight. Eventually they come upon Maz’s All-Nite Diner, the halfway point of their walk, and under the eerie glow of that giant, blinding neon sign the both of them collapse into fits of laughter that leave them breathless and wheezing, clutching their stomachs as tears leak out the corner of their eyes.

“Oh my god, the way he–” Rey croaks, still doubled over in laughter.

“And that line, Jesus Christ–” Ben concurs, holding onto her shoulder for support.

Eventually they brush their tears away and regain their composure, and neither of them realize that Ben’s arm remains wrapped around Rey’s waist for the rest of the walk home.

. . .

The plan is for Ben to quit his job after the holidays.

It’s a good plan, one that’s been in the works for a while now and has Rey’s full support, and in the days leading up to Ben’s return to work, both of them are visibly wired up and so, so ready for this chapter of Ben’s life – their lives – to finally be over with.

And then Snoke blindsides them with the fine print: sure, Ben can leave – after he puts in his one-month notice, unless he’d like to breach his contract and pay the corresponding penalty of three months’ salary.

In the grand scheme of things, one month isn’t really that bad. But the ‘grand scheme of things’ is also the three years of his life that Ben’s already wasted there (excluding summer internships), and adding one whole extra month to that just fucking sucks.

So Ben comes home, slams the door and throws his messenger bag clear across the apartment, and twenty minutes later Rey forces herself into a bra and jeans and shoes and off they go.

At Finalizer, Ben rants for twenty minutes, and then another twenty, and then another twenty. They’ve gone through three rounds by the time he finally stops for breath, and Rey is just about to point out the cute brunette who’s been sneaking glances at him all evening when she gets up and begins to make her way over to them.

“Incoming, six o’clock,” she murmurs into her drink, and watches Ben nearly choke on his whiskey when he catches a glimpse of the woman from the corner of his eye. Rey… isn’t faring much better, honestly; up close, the cute brunette is actually a stunning supermodel with sable hair spilling over her shoulders, and her smile is deadly, wide and sincere but devastatingly attractive all the same.

“Hi,” she says before either of them can react, and Rey’s plans of making herself scarce go up in flames when the woman turns to her instead of Ben. “I’m Paige, Paige Tico.”

Rey stares dumbly at her proffered hand before her eyes snap up to meet Paige’s.

“Oh my god, you’re Rose’s sister!” Through all four years of college, she’d somehow never actually met her roommate’s older sister, the one Rose would never stop gushing about, the one she meant to set Rey up with time after time–

“That’s me. And you’re Rey Niima, right?”

There’d been pictures, lots of them, but Paige was still in the Air Force then, still wore her face bare of any makeup and kept her hair cropped right above her shoulders and in its natural waves. She’d been beautiful then and remains beautiful now, and Rey only realizes she’s staring when Ben gives her a subtle little kick under the bar.

“Yup! Yup, I’m Rey,” she confirms, finally reaching to take Paige’s hand in her own. “And this is my best friend, Ben.”

Paige gives her hand a squeeze before she turns to offer Ben a handshake as well. “Nice to meet you, Ben. Were you friends with Rose too?”

“Through Rey, mostly,” he shrugs, and gestures at the empty chairs next to him and Rey. “Would you like to join us?”

She’s amazed Ben is playing it so cool, but maybe all thoughts of hooking up left him the minute he realized Paige is the older sister of Rey’s other best friend; he’s considerate like that, sometimes.

It’s probably for the best, given that Paige chooses to sit next to Rey. “Sure, thanks,” she tells Ben before turning back to Rey. “Actually… I was wondering if I could buy you a drink?”

Oh.

Oh.

For some stupid reason, Rey turns to Ben with a deer-in-the-headlights look instead of saying yes please. And for some inexplicable reason, she thinks she catches something in his eyes before he shakes it off and gives her an encouraging smile.

“You ladies go ahead with that,” Ben suggests as he gets up. “I think I’m gonna call it a night–”

“Ben, wait–”

“Oh, I didn’t mean–” Paige says apologetically, resting one hand on Rey’s arm as she leans back to look at Ben. “Please don’t feel like you have to leave, I’d hate to intrude on your evening–”

“No, not at all,” Ben assures her. “It’s just been a long day for me. Rey, I’ll see you at home?”

She doesn’t want him to leave. And Ben… Ben almost sounds as if he doesn’t want to leave either. But Rey’s spent a long time training herself not to see things that aren’t there, and she’s not about to start now.

“See you at home,” she concedes, and watches Ben’s retreating back until he disappears out the door.

And then she turns back to a smiling Paige, and hopes that this time she won’t say the wrong name.

. . .

Ben is… off the morning she comes back from Paige’s hotel – or maybe she’s off, or maybe they’re both off. Whether it’s because Rey has to grapple with the knowledge that she’d pictured him in the dark the entire time, or because his ego’s hurt that Paige had picked her instead of him at one of his lowest points, she has no idea. But whatever it is, something’s different between them now.

“I’m sorry about last night,” she finally says after ten painfully long and silent minutes of breakfast, and the surprised look on Ben’s face quickly gives way to something soft, something forgiving–

“It was supposed to be about you, but instead I went off and left you alone and– God, I’m just sorry, Ben. Let me make it up to you tonight?”

That look fades, and in its place Rey finds a mask of perfect neutrality as Ben scoops up the last of his soggy cereal. He finishes his breakfast, pushes away from the table with a too loud screech of his chair, and finally shrugs when he picks up his bowl.

“Sure,” Ben says, and that’s the last she sees of him until later that night, when he knocks on her bedroom door in a tight black tee shirt and equally dark and fitted jeans. She thinks of last night, thinks of the things her brain had pictured in the dark, and–

And buries it all deep, deep down inside as she ushers Ben out of the apartment and over to the bar. It’ll do her some good, getting him out of the apartment for the night while she thinks things through and tries to get her shit together. This is Ben, Ben the guy who’s been helping her get laid for five years, Ben the guy she’s been setting up with other people for the past five years. Whatever this is, it’s either all in her head or completely one-sided; probably both, really. So she’s going to pretend everything is normal, and she’s going to watch him leave for the night with another person, and she’s going to keep her head held high as she walks back to their lonely apartment and tries not to dream of him in her lonely bed.

In that outfit, it doesn’t take long for Ben to attract attention. He does well enough in his usual work clothes, sleeves rolled up to expose his muscular forearms and slacks showcasing his endless legs, but Rey can see why the too-tight shirt and sculpted-for-his-ass jeans combo has nearly everyone’s eyes on him tonight.

That just makes it easier for her to find a target, and harder for her to not do something about it. With all the looks he’s getting, it’s far too obvious that she’s stalling when she orders a second drink after their first twenty minutes instead of getting to work. “So,” Rey forces herself to say after a swig of whiskey, joining him in his choice of hard liquor just this once. “I’m thinking the blonde girl in the white dress?” She tips her head in the girl’s direction, and waits for Ben to call her out on her unusual choice, waits for him to say no and suggest someone else instead–

“Yeah, sure,” he shrugs, and goes back to his phone.

It’s her move, then, and Rey can only stall for so long. Tonight she thinks she’d rather not be there to listen to Ben lower his voice into a bedroom growl, to watch the girl smile and swoon over him, and so she approaches the blonde with every intention of sending her Ben’s way and then going straight home.

The woman is here with two other friends, but they left for the bathroom a while ago and will probably be in line for a while yet. It’s easy to slide up to her, especially with the warm smile she flashes Rey.

“Caught me staring, did you?” she asks, beating Rey to it.

Rey shrugs. “Can’t blame you. I’m Rey, and that’s my friend Ben over there.”

“Kaydel, and I know.” She laughs at the shocked look on Rey’s face and gestures for her to sit down before adding, “I work with Senator Organa. She keeps a photo of you two with her and her husband on her desk.”

“Oh,” Rey replies dumbly, still stunned by this turn of events. As much as she loves Phas and Finalizer, it might be time for them to find a new spot; they can’t go on like this, working their way through friends’ siblings and parents’ colleagues. But just for tonight… “I don’t know what Leia’s told you, but he’s single, for the record. Single and looking to mingle, you know?” she adds weakly, internally wincing at how stupid she sounds, how stupid she’s being.

“I see,” Kaydel says, and there’s an odd moment when she looks at Rey a little too long, a little too closely, before she turns to Ben with a contemplative look. “I think I’ll go have a chat with him.”

This is exactly what you wanted, Rey has to remind herself as both she and Kaydel get up. “Right, great idea. Go ahead. Nice meeting you, Kaydel.”

She doesn’t – can’t – stay to watch Kaydel walk up to Ben, to see them laugh over this coincidence and bond over his mom and her boss. Instead, Rey sticks with the plan and goes straight home, trades in her heels and dress for warm socks and a shirt she stole from Ben ages ago, and curls up on the couch.

This is where she and Ben spend most of their time together, when they’re at home. This is the closest she ever gets to her best friend, and that’s exactly how things should be, how things should stay. Sure, she’d been attracted to Ben since the day they met, but she’d gotten over that fairly quickly to be his friend instead. And sure, she’s found herself falling for him little by little ever since they moved in together and he proved himself to be the best friend a girl could ask for, but that’s exactly why this could never work. She’s seen Ben around other people, around past partners, and he never treats them half as well as he treats her, as he treats his best friend – which is why that’s all they can ever be, no matter what her stupid heart feels whenever she thinks about him with someone else, no matter what her deluded brain pictures whenever she thinks of finally having someone to go to the lounge with.

People who get too close tend to disappear eventually, driven away by one thing or another, and Rey’s survived enough of that to know she would not survive the same with Ben. She can’t lose him, and if that means playing it safe and staying friends forever–

Then so be it, Rey decides just as the front door opens and sends a beam of light spilling into the darkened apartment. Ben turns on the light, and her eyes are forced to adjust as he hangs up his jacket and tosses his keys into the bowl near the door before turning to her.

“You’re still awake,” Ben notices.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Rey tells him, a half-lie at most. “You’re home early,” she points out in return. “Didn’t feel like spending the night?”

He ignores her for a minute, heads to the kitchen and comes back with two glasses of water before he settles in on the other end of the couch and steals some of her blanket to cover his lap.

“I, ah… it wasn’t like that. I mean, she’s nice and all but… I just wasn’t feeling it, you know?”

Then so be it, Rey reminds herself, and wills the relief in her soul to disappear. Relief, jealousy, possessiveness – none of it is hers to feel, none of it is within the safe zone. “Oh. But it’s… it’s so late?”

Ben tugs more of the blanket towards him, pulling it away to reveal his baggy sweatshirt falling off her left shoulder. He blinks at her, takes a moment to clear his throat before he speaks. “Yeah, we started talking about my mom and lost track of time.”

Leia – Leia is safe. “How is she? I still feel bad about skipping Christmas last month.”

“And she’s still pissed at me for not wanting to go, but I’m glad I didn’t,” Ben shrugs, completely unperturbed. “She, uh, she’s good. Still thinks I’m an idiot, apparently – Kaydel says she rants about how blind I am on a daily basis ��� but good.”

Rey desperately wants to ask what he means by that, what Leia means by that, but… a part of her knows, a part of her remembers half-heartedly telling Leia we’re not like that, he doesn’t… it’s just not like that, for us.

So instead she gets up and tugs her borrowed shirt down past her bum. “That’s good to hear. I should probably call her sometime.” And then, bending down for the briefest of hugs, she wishes Ben a good night and disappears into her room.

. . .

They don’t go to the bar for the next month. Rey doesn’t ask on her bad days, and doesn’t offer on Ben’s; he’s a grown man, she’s sure he can handle his own hook-ups if he really needs to. But then comes the day Ben is finally, finally freed from his awful job, and best friends can go out to celebrate, right?

Everything goes well until halfway through their second round, when Ben decides to start the game. He leans in while Rey’s still laughing over his description of Snoke’s face when he walked out earlier today, and she can’t help the shiver that runs down her spine when his warm breath hits her skin and his lips brush her ear.

“There’s a guy who looks completely head over heels for you.”

Rey closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and forces herself to play along. She fakes a laugh and swats his arm, puts some distance between them under the guise of scanning her surroundings. “For my arse, more like. Who is it?”

There are a few who meet her eye as she sweeps past them, but none that Ben would pick out for her. In fact, none that look actively interested–

A warm hand cradles her cheek and gently guides her back to Ben, who’s smiling at her like there’s not a single thing wrong in the whole wide world.

“Me.”

It’s so simple, so perfect, that for a moment Rey thinks she must be hallucinating, dreaming, in a coma on her deathbed coming up with impossible scenarios to distract herself from her impending death–

But Ben’s fingers curl around her jaw, and his forehead rests against hers, and she can feel his breath against her lips–

Rey closes her eyes, lets herself fall knowing now that everything will be okay, that Ben will catch her.

“Would you–” She takes a shaky breath, blindly reaches for the hand in his lap and laces their fingers together. “Would you like to go downstairs with me?”

Ben closes the distance between them, and she can feel his smile against her own as he sighs into their first kiss. “Sweetheart, I thought you’d never ask.”

. . .

I received this prompt nearly five months ago, immediately fell in love with it, and then proceeded to do... nothing.

Anon - if you're reading this, I'm so, so sorry it's taken me this long to get around to it! I knew from the start this wouldn't be just any prompt fill, but it's taken me a long time to get back into the swing of things this year and I wasn't going to fill any prompts until I felt I could do them justice. I hope I've accomplished that here, and I pray it was worth the wait. Thank you for trusting me with this lovely prompt.

A huge thank you to everyone else for getting through all 5000+ words of this, and I hope you enjoyed it. As always, please don't hesitate to like/reblog/comment!

[powercouragewisdom]

I came across this, and it has to be shared: Everyone believing it was “10 years ago” and it’s so far in the past:

Everyone else:

2 & 3 months after beginning work for Marvel, these were posted, 2nd one almost 5 years ago. 

Bonus from the same year:

Notice how none of the tweets on this post indicate in tone or text that they are a “joke”

I took up very little space with others’ stupidity at the top, but before we proceed, let’s get some things straight: 1. “He didnt mean it” You don’t know what he meant, you don’t know him personally, and he meant them is more likely which is why he left them up until 6 days ago.  2. “He didnt hurt anyone” addressed far below. 3. “10 years ago” Last tweet was 6 years ago, & Happened nonstop between ages 41-46 over 5 years..about how long its been since his last visible pedophile thought. Along with jokes about rape, lgbt, 9/11, etc 4. “He apologized for this in 2012″ No. He never apologized for these tweets in 2012. He apologized for anti-lgbt and sexist comments. *btw The apology here was made before the 2 pedo tweets above* He went from bigot to abuse poster in record time 5. “But GotG cast is supporting him” and it’s not hard to understand why. These are people that, most of them, were fairly obscure as actors, not prominent or at the forefront of everyone’s minds before gotg (dave, pom, karen, chris p). These people were nothing fame-wise. James gave them an opportunity, a platform to be pushed forward on with its success. They owe him their notariety and relevance, and they are thankful and grateful for the support and help he gave, leading them and making them feel great while working. Of course they are going to defend him! They only know him as this, instead of other things he may be. Don’t put more on it than there is, and simply understand where they’re coming from WhatNoOneSaidAboutGOTGcast: it is very unwise and stupid if you speak out against and don’t support a director, because it can lead to you not getting jobs as an actor, not being hired and other directors/execs thinking you won’t support them if something hits the fan. There’s a reason Zoe’s, Pom’s, Chris’ and Karen’s tweets are very vague and general.. Now, here’s what the rest of us know:

*coughjeremyrennercoughrdjcoughcountlessothercelebritiesyouattackcough*

- *6 years ago Remember to pay attention to how none of the tweets you will see in this post indicate in tone or text that they are a “joke”

and he was so scared and in a rush to “clean up” everything, he slipped:

bottom line:

he “apologized” because he [had to]. if Kevin Spacey hadn’t messed up his “apology” you would still be some of his fans ”You don’t know that he hurt anyone!!” His tweets have hurt many, and you don’t know that he hasn’t touched children. One of his director friends (Huston Huddleston) is convicted of possession of child pornography and contacting a minor with the intent to commit a felony. He sent James a vid of child porn and James responded saying he masturbated to it, on the same blog with the monkey thing screencapped far below. An apology to perpetrators is like toilet paper; used to keep sh** off you, until forgotten residue of the next dump threatens to make you stink.

Did you see what he said? The only reason they’re “old” is because that’s when guardians started. Someone who’s been comfortable putting this garbage in the atmosphere over 5 years would not see a reason to stop unless they had to. in a moment of clarity and sanity, as someone pointed out earlier, he even said he won’t say he’s better:

that’s a big middle finger to everyone claiming he “grew” from this the only truth you have, literally the only truth you know, is that he didn’t post these on twitter after 2012. No proof that he grew because you don’t know him personally. growing implies elevation and improvement, a more desired version of the previous, whereas this implies “I’m more of a tulip now than a lilac” stop taking a weak string of apology and holding on to it for proof that he is or isn’t something so you can feel good about a movie!  he literally just said he was different, could be he just kept existing and accumulating, rolling around the universe until something else grabbed his attention instead of an abuse fantasy lifestyle that inspired over 10,000 tweets and God knows what else it can mean simply taking the thoughts to another medium/platform.

moving right along,

Nambla-

and

enjoy-

I dare you to continue to think someone like this who did over 10,000 of these in his 40s , which only disappeared after guardians started, should continue being comfortable in hollywood and have the access and connections that come with that, including to people’s children. who are auditioning or born into the industry  and

This is literally jailtime.

a lovely excerpt from his deleted blog:

theres much more lest we not forget:

karma is my favorite kind of tea™ So:

read this carefully:

As for another celebrity on his team:

gotta wonder why.

Due to the length and content It can be concluded that this person has a very off mind. Anyone comfortable thinking about let alone writing, this, there has to be something wrong. If he were posting tweets or videos about animal abuse fantasies re-read my previous two sentences and see if they fit you would say the same thing and it is literally the same thing. talking about animal abuse fantasies is literally the same thing. talking about child abuse is the same as talking about animal abuse for years enjoying child abuse content is the same as enjoying animal abuse content child abuse and animal abuse are in the same category i’m so sorry for your loss of contentment and comfort in thinking otherwise. Disney will never rehire this person and it’s laughable that people think they will. The ignorance, dismissal and disrespect he has shown toward people who have dealt with the serious content he made fun of of is something no one should take lightly, no one cares if it was 20 years ago. Some things #SPOILERALERT are more horrible than others (RDJ’s struggle with drugs and alcohol is not comparable, sorry kids B)  ^This honestly is why Johnny D is, and John Lass was still employed by them; he resigned last I saw.  Johnny has been most people’s favorite public figure for decades and has been seen volunteering and working with disadvantaged and disabled children for years, instead of anything suggesting abusing them. Even with alcohol and beating on his ex wife, those are still seen as not as abhorrent as hurting people/children who’ve faced trauma. Because of who he is and human nature understanding some things as worse, it is what it is. John Lasseter, same thing. I didnt see allegations or issues relating to kids and harming them, but he harassed and abused women and other people. With this, it still isn’t him harming, or producing anything that would harm children. More to get straight: "Disney had problematic stuff" the people responsible for those racist cartoons don't exist anymore and aren't working for disney. NEXT “Seth MacFarlane and MatT & TrEy” The difference is painfully clear: The creators of family guy and south park present inappropriate characters and situations that make fun of the perpetrators and show how ridiculous they are, instead of the victims, other characters chiming in. It really is that simple, I have seen it all. It is clear in the delivery of content and the context that’s shown. If they didn’t these juggernaut shows accessed by most of America would have been canceled so fast you would have whiplash. If you want to complain about something in feeble support, use Robot Chicken, a show featuring CSA, animal abuse, rape and Jesus’ death on the cross as a gameshow. A show featured on a network that’s supporting another guy being persecuted for abuse media...hm

Honestly at this point most of the people defending him are likely either pedophiles themselves or know people who are. if he was a poc or a woman, let’s not bother with what this would look like. no one would be crying real tears about how they should get their job back.

this is not only terrible, but dangerous. rape culture is a thing bc first it was funny normalize the joke, normalize the thing. dismissing as just a joke, is allowing everyone to think its ok/naturalizing it & if somethings wrong, dismiss it as a joke all you can do is hope that he has actually stopped and that its genuine since people love animals more than people these days, if he posted 10,000 videos/tweets about animal torture and abuse, how would you feel? he didn't actually torture them.. have a nice day

[maccymacdonald]

A Study in Sunny

When asking how much of an impact television shows have and why they are so important to us, I’m sure the latter is a question that’s lingered in the minds of many parents concerned with their child’s obsessions with various things, whether that be bands, actors, sports stars or TV shows. I know I for one have endured the embarrassment of my dad bringing up my new hyper fixation at family dinners or my friends roasting me for whatever new poster I’ve just bought. Even before I planned on writing this article, I think I’ve always known my short-lived obsessions or long time loves have always been deeper than superficiality. (Maybe my High School Musical phase can be excluded from that, though).

I think there’s a lot more to what we watch that makes us cling so hard to our shows, and that they genuinely have a huge influence and emotional impact on our lives. A few people I’ve talked to or seen online think that my generation’s attachment to fiction universes is a bad thing, which to an extent I can understand. However, at the risk of sounding dramatic,  I truly believe TV shows have unimaginable impacts on us.

Whether that’s simply making us laugh until our sides hurt or allowing us a brief distraction from our messy lives there’s so much that shows offer us than just entertainment. Whether you find solace in living vicariously through your favourite character or simply enjoy being able to relate to a situation close to your heart, why should it matter what others think? How could we not hyper-fixate on something that to some extent reflects who you are and what you find compelling about life? And really, who’s to say that doing so is detrimental when to some, a show could be their only outlet to express themselves? I don’t know about you, but I can’t see anything wrong with that at all.

While its all well and good me saying all this, I thought I needed proof. I want to prove that TV shows touch people in many different ways and have the ability to improve lives, and that to many, tv shows mean so much more than what they are on the surface. The only way I was going to prove it, however, is with evidence. So I did a little research.

One of my favourite TV shows of all time is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Rated 98% on Rotten Tomatoes, it’s millions of committed fans and numerous awards make it one of the most popular sitcoms of all time. It’s extremely dark and controversial humour torpedoes taboo topics in the most hilarious and ridiculous scenarios, yet remains subtly brilliant in the way it presents itself and it’s characters. If you haven’t seen it, (in which case the rest of this post will probably make no sense and I’d advise you to binge it, right now), the show centres around five terrible friends who run an equally terrible bar in downtown Philadelphia.

I decided to run a survey about how Always Sunny has affected its fans. I chose this show in particular because each character is so complex and profound in their own right I can see how easy it is for many people to connect with them on such personal levels.

I think the thing I found funniest when starting this show is that the characters are seemingly just really bad people. Every member of the gang has been arrested for something, they’re all alcoholics, they’re constantly thinking of new get-rich-quick schemes and regularly ruin other people’s lives without a second thought. In a most extreme example, my brother can’t even watch the show simply because he genuinely hates the characters (which all in all, is fair enough.) However, I believe beneath the surface of the arguments and violence there’s a depth to every character that you don’t always see in light-hearted comedies.

“They are the most elaborate, multi-dimensional, complicated and most well-written characters in any show ever, especially comedy.”

The characters are all very different. While Dennis is constantly harassing women and plotting against his family, he’s also extremely insecure and vulnerable. He was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in season ten, which leads to him often being shown to struggle with his emotions and ability to feel. He’s an incredibly complex character who I think is often just overlooked as the psychotic angry man, which isn’t true at all.

His sister Dee entertains the more slapstick and needy version of her brother. She too is very easily agitated and has no patience, as well as she’s always desperate for validation (where most of her humour stems from). Because of this, she is immensely guarded of her emotions, also due to the perpetual verbal abuse she’s endured from her family her entire life.

“I can relate to her past with being bullied, and her constant need for affection and to be told that she is good.”

Mac, on the other hand, wears his heart on his sleeve. His development of starting the show as a heavily religious closeted gay man to openly out and proud over 12 years was really inspiring to watch, and his father issues and struggles with acceptance is what makes him one of the most engaging and interesting characters.

His best friend Charlie is also fascinating. On the surface, he is a substance abuser and alcoholic, unhygienic, illiterate, and highly unpredictable. But beyond that, he is very loving and supportive (most of this time).  He adores Frank and is usually happy to do anything for his friends. As a sexual abuse survivor, he is such an important character because it’s clear especially in the later seasons that he truly loves and believes in himself, and regardless of how others see him he never attempts to change who he is. Not only that, but many fans believe he’s autistic meaning his character is not only lovable but awesome representation.

A few months ago I launched a survey that 206 wonderful people responded to. Even though I’m involved with the Always Sunny community every day through social media, it really helped me get an understanding of the bigger picture, rather than just memes and discourse (although I wouldn’t change the Sunny Tumblr fandom for the world). So before I dive in I want to thank everybody that took the time to respond to the survey or talk to me privately, as you’ve helped everyone that reads this gain more of an insight into It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and it’s amazing fanbase, which I appreciate tremendously.

(And before I start, the overwhelming majority classed themselves as being obsessed with the show, and almost 100% have dedicated some form of social media to it, so you know these results are the real deal.)

While many people, like I do, watch the show on their own, over half watch it with friends and 49% say watching the show helps them bond with someone. I thought this was quite interesting because whether it’s your friends, parents, siblings or anyone else, if a show brings people together it really can only be a good thing, especially a comedy show.

I think a lot of people don’t realise how important tv shows are to relationships. I once knew someone who told me the only time they ever spent with their father was when they watched their favourite programme together. This shows how powerful tv shows are – to some, they’re vital for bonding and spending time with someone you love. They allow you the opportunity to do something fun which inspires conversation and communication, things not always easy to achieve.

While this is really important, there are three main things that stood out in this survey as the most relatable and helpful to fans. Charlie’s autism, Mac’s sexuality, and Dennis’s BPD. After reading the results it became obvious that so many people relate really strongly to these characters, each one holding something personal to every different person who watches the show.

“I really like Charlie because he very accurately portrays a dyslexic person and I think that’s really great. I also really like Mac because I can relate to him being very closeted so his progression to acceptance of himself was really nice to see for me, so his storyline, as problematic as it may be, I do find to be very realistic and relatable. I can also relate to Dennis in a really dark way, with the borderline personality disorder, so he also has a special place in my heart.”

Predictably, ‘Who is your favourite character?’ is one of the questions I asked, and this is what came back.

Charlie had the most votes with 58%, while Mac wasn’t far behind with 53%.

(And whoever gave a notable mention to special agent Jack Bauer and Poppins the invincible dog, I love you.)

As you can see, Charlie and Mac are the clear favourites. ‘Wild Card’ Charlie has attained number one though and has been a fan favourite for a long time. While there are hundreds of reasons to love him (he’s my favourite too), I think most people just see him as the funniest character. (Which is completely justified). However, apart from his humour, which obviously a lot of viewers adore, there are many other reasons fans love Charlie Kelly and the other characters so much.

Something I found interesting was quite a few responses mentioned Charlie’s autism. While it’s never been explicitly stated in the show that autism is definitely a condition he has, it’s something many fans have speculated about. It’s pretty much confirmed Charlie is autistic due to certain things he does or certain personality traits he has, explained brilliantly by Reddit user carrionkid in this post.

“I really like how his character is almost certainly autistic. It helps me realize that it’s not something that I should be ashamed of, and I also really like the way he’s played and written in general, and his musical talent! I find a lot of comfort in the ways he’s similar to me. I relate so strongly to that feeling of being left out and trying really hard to make your friends like you.”

Charlie is obviously a character that some fans have a deep connection to. Autism isn’t often portrayed well or accurately on-screen, and well-developed characters like Abed Nadir in Community and JJ Jones in Skins are very rare. Frankly, representation of various mental conditions is majorly lacking in the film and television world. So to see someone as complex and engaging as Charlie Kelly is really refreshing and important in the progression of television.

“I find Charlies’s autism symptoms make me feel more comfortable and accepting of myself as I might not be otherwise, due to past experiences with people telling me that I am not autistic despite my diagnosis (even though these comments were motivated by bigotry towards minorities I fit into I still find it hard to ignore them).”

Characters like Charlie show how much of an impact TV shows can have. Being able to relate to a character is a really big deal – finding something like a show that seems so unimportant, yet turns out to be something genuinely helpful in accepting who you are and being less lonely is really special. I think the personal connections between characters and viewers are underrated. At a certain point, they stop being characters, and you see them as yourself. Albeit a more exaggerated, problematic version of yourself, I suppose.

Probably the biggest thing that a huge amount of people responded to is Mac’s sexuality, and his troubles with learning to accept and love himself as an extremely religious gay man.

“Mac became a favourite [of mine] since at the time I was very closeted and so was he, and I felt protective of and comforted by him.”

If I’m totally honest, there were times in the first few seasons I really didn’t like Mac, but I think it just took me a while to understand him – Mac is a very dramatic guy, simply because he expresses his emotions so outwardly while the rest of the gang often struggle to. He tries to hold nothing back and is very open with who he loves, and I think this is why it was so heartbreaking to watch him suffer from his internalised homophobia and closeted sexuality.

There were so many people on this survey talking about how much they relate to him. In fact, when asked what kind of things in Alway Sunny has helped people with on a personal level, a third of respondents said Mac’s sexuality, and 38% said the show’s acceptance of their LGBTQ+ characters.

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The writers and creators (Glenn Howerton, Rob McElhenney and Charlie Day who incidentally play the characters of Dennis, Mac and Charlie) confirmed that each member of the gang is bisexual, while Mac himself is homosexual. This kind of representation, even though the topic was addressed off-screen, is still important for diversity and providing safe, inclusive characters for viewers to watch that aren’t harmful to the LGBTQ+ community or at risk of being killed off. In the unfortunate television culture now where LGBTQ+ characters are constantly under threat from the ‘Bury Your Gays’ trope, it’s so important to have such a well-developed, funny, human character like Mac around, who is happier than he’s ever been and isn’t going anywhere.

“The pay-off of him finally coming to terms with his sexuality was refreshing in the way that it didn’t become the butt of a joke or change the nature of his character completely.” 

It was really emotional to see people responding to the survey who have grown up in unaccepting, extremely religious families who found solace in witnessing Mac’s journey and finding hope in his coming out arc. It really is wonderful to see how comforting Mac is to people having a hard time and who may not have anyone else to relate to.

“Mac’s character development resonated with me. Even though it was over the top and exaggerated in the show, the extreme Christian life of a closeted gay person and falling in love with your best friend was relatable.”

It’s been a running element of the show for a long time that he’s very much in love with Dennis, and whether their relationship is another case of queerbaiting, a simple gag that won’t actually amount to anything, or the longest slow burn relationship ever, Mac is still awesome representation and an amazing character who embodies many of the struggles and hardships real people face every day. And he’s an example of someone who overcame all of it.

While the gang have earned themselves a reputation for never giving a shit about each other, it’s pretty clear deep down they do all love one another. To see the gang unfazed by and supportive of Mac’s sexuality, (especially given Charlie and Mac have been best friends their entire lives and Charlie tells him he’s always known) is clearly very comforting and inspiring to a lot of viewers afraid of coming out.

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I  recently chatted with awesome Tumblr user Sunnystruck. On her blog she explained the importance of Mac’s storyline way better than I ever could:

Mac’s coming out arc is so unique and personal to me because it’s one of the very rare instances of fictional coming out arcs that doesn’t involve a romance as the transformative catalyst for a character embracing their sexuality or coming out.

Even when everyone else knows and recognizes that Mac is gay, he still has to figure out how to get there on his own terms. It takes him so long, and then to see him love and embrace that decision about himself is so refreshing. He comes out and celebrates his gayness openly and because he spent so fucking long getting to that point and so much time wrestling with it in terms of what it meant for his identity and his image – which again, are completely personal.

It took him a long time to love a part of himself. And that’s truly a kind of representation that gets to me.

Even though I came out to my friends and immediate family I’m still navigating how to embrace that around them and seeing Mac be so gay in some episodes makes me feel so normal. He’s really fucking gay and it shows, and I can relate to that. And he still took his time and that means so much to me especially in an age where straight people claim to have gaydar and say they’re waiting for someone to come out but it’s not their call you know? It’s ours. They don’t dictate our stories, we do. That means something.

Meanwhile, Mac and Charlie aren’t the only ones who struck a chord with viewers. Dennis also got a lot of attention from fans, mostly, I found, because of his borderline personality disorder.

Dennis has always shown signs of extreme mental illness. He is immensely manipulative and cold, often being compared to a rapist and serial killer. While claiming to be completely emotionless (which most of the time, he is), Dennis is prone to extreme bouts of rage. While these moments are funny to watch, Dennis’ behaviour has always signalled to something more serious, and in season 10 he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.

“I relate the most to Dennis because before getting treatment for DID and BPD I was very similar to him.”

For those who don’t know, BPD is a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others. While there are many causes for developing BPD, a prevalent one is traumatic events which occur during childhood. Many people with BPD have experienced parental neglect or physical, sexual or emotional abuse during their childhood. This would make sense for Dennis, as he and Dee often describe the way in which Frank is a terrible and emotionally abusive father. Not only that but in the eleventh season Dennis reveals he had sex with the middle-aged school librarian, Mrs Klinsky, when he was 14. Despite his insistence he wasn’t raped, the experience seems to have been very traumatic and has left obvious scars.  These factors probably contributed to his emotional issues and extensive mental illness.

“I don’t “relate” to Dennis but his trauma and the way it manifests has been really helpful for me in dealing with my own trauma.”

Dennis is an extremely complicated character, who may at first seem impossible to relate to, as his personality and behaviour are extremely complex. Despite this, or maybe because of this, a lot of people relate to him on many different levels. Some respondents said they also have difficulty comprehending social boundaries or emotional relationships. Some said that simply seeing a character be diagnosed with a condition they have is extremely comforting and helpful.

“I relate to Dennis in him having BPD. I didn’t even really know it was a thing until he was diagnosed with it, then I looked into it more to understand it and realized (to my horror, confusion, and ultimate relief) that he had the same thing as me.“

While in some ways I think the portrayal of Dennis’s BPD on the show can sometimes be quite problematic in terms of positive representation, his diagnosis has clearly been very important to a lot of people. This character is evidently very reassuring and solacing, and his effort in getting help and medication (although reluctantly at first) is extremely encouraging and inspiring to those in a similar position.

Okay, so that was a lot of information. Although, before you call me out for wasting time or over-analysing a sitcom, I’m not the only one:

So suck it. But seriously, while I went into probably unnecessary and excessive detail, I did actually have a point.

The point I’ve tried to make here is that TV shows are extremely important. They’re important because of the immense impact they have on their fans.

Hypothetically speaking, TV show creators have a choice to use their influence for good or bad (or worse, indifference). It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia has succeeded in carefully crafting characters which resonate strongly with their audience, and whose storylines and personalities are so well thought out and developed they’ve helped fans cope with a number of issues they’ve struggled to get help for anywhere else.

TV shows do affect us greatly. While the most common examples of this are being heartbroken over your favourite character dying, falling in love with a show so much you make it your life or a show inspiring you to follow a certain career or lifestyle, the responsibility TV shows have for creating a safe and inclusive environment where you can see yourself  being represented is, in my opinion, much more important. From what I’ve seen, countless popular shows just simply aren’t trying hard enough. Shows like Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead have become slightly infamous for their mistreatment or lack of representation of POC and LGBTQ+ characters, and every day a new show emerges that inevitably gets slated for romanticising or glorifying mental illness.

To disagree and say that TV shows don’t have an obligation to be diverse is something I just can’t understand. An audience is never exclusively white, straight, neurotypical individuals, and to assume that they are is absurd. While Always Sunny has a long way to go in its inclusion of POC characters, it’s one of the few shows I’ve seen that present such varied and interesting people who are so easy to fall in love with.

It’s so important to feel represented on-screen, so if anyone in any way can relate to Charlie, Mac, Dennis, or any of the other characters, and become happier because of it, it’s a win. So I believe yes, TV shows are important, and their effect is monumental.

If you managed to make it this far without falling asleep and want to obsess over this dumb show together, follow my Sunny blog!

CREDIT:

Thank you to these people for letting me use your screenshots or taking the time to chat with me! 🙂

phenomenaaa

milksteaksandghouls

god-hole

macdennisd

wjldcard

How much do TV shows really affect us? Why are they so important?

[brittanyyoungblog]

Happy New Year! Science-Backed Resolutions For Better Sex In 2021

Each time a new year rolls around, a lot of us start making resolutions for self-improvement. I suspect more people than usual may be making New Year’s resolutions right now given the ways in which our lives have been altered by the COVID-19 pandemic. According to media reports I’ve read, many (if not most) Americans reported at least some weight gain during the pandemic. At the same time, alcohol consumption rose and more people started smoking.

Resolutions often revolve around physical health, but as you ponder your own resolutions for 2021, here's one more to consider: resolve to have better sex this year. Many of us saw our intimate lives take a hit during the pandemic and are distressed by this. Fortunately, there are a lot of things you can do to get your mojo back in the new year, even if it is still a while before life returns to normal.

How so? Let research be your guide. Here are ten scientifically-backed suggestions for enhancing your sex life in 2021.

1. Be more vocal during sex. Research finds that the people who make the most noise in bed tend to be the most sexually satisfied. Why? Moaning and groaning help convey what you like and what feels good. By communicating this to your partner, it increases the odds that you'll get what you want. Plus, these noises signal appreciation for a partner's efforts and have the potential to enhance your partner's arousal.

2. Experiment with sex toys. A lot of women and men say they have previously used vibrators during sex. Not only do people who use these toys tend to report greater sexual satisfaction, but they also report better sexual functioning. This is likely due to the fact that vibrators and other toys are an easy way of interjecting novelty and excitement into sex (and, incidentally, the people who reported trying new sexual activities during the pandemic were the most likely to report that their intimate lives improved!).

3. Do your Kegels. A lot of people think that Kegel exercises are only for women, perhaps because that’s who they were originally developed for; however, it turns out that the benefits of Kegels aren't restricted to persons of one gender. Studies have found that Kegel exercises can offer a wide range of sexual benefits to women and men. Specifically, research suggests that Kegels have the potential to both prevent and resolve numerous sexual difficulties, as well as enhance pleasure.

4. Remember that "sex" isn't just one thing. Research tells us that the more activities people engage in during sex, the more likely they are to have an orgasm. This is true for both women and men. Perhaps you've heard the old saying that "variety is the spice of life?" Well, these results suggest that variety just might be the spice of your sex life, too.

5. Watch how much you drink. Lots of people consume alcohol as an aphrodisiac—and alcohol can indeed stimulate sexual desire when consumed in small quantities. However, too much booze is a recipe for sexual problems. Being inebriated can create a range of sexual difficulties, including problems becoming aroused and reaching orgasm. Excessive alcohol consumption can also impair sexual communication.

6. Instead of going to sleep after sex, try spooning or cuddling. Research has found that, regardless of gender, the more time people spend on after-sex affection, the happier they tend to be with both their sex lives and relationships. This suggests that it's not just what you do during sex that matters; what you do afterwards is very important, too.

7. Focus on quality, not quantity of sex. Most people think they'd be happier if they were having sex more often, but research suggests that this might not be the case. In a study in which couples tried to double the amount of sex they were having, those who forced themselves to do it more often were less happy in the end. When sex starts to feel like a chore—something we have to do instead of something we want to do—this undermines our interest in doing it. So don't get so hung up on sexual frequency. Focus instead on making sure that the sex you're having is good, which is something you can accomplish by adopting the other suggestions on this list.

8. Touch each other more often. Non-sexual, intimate touch is one of the keys to a happy and healthy relationship. Masters and Johnson discovered this long ago in their pioneering sex therapy work in the 1960s. They found that intimate touch can actually help resolve a wide range of sexual difficulties because it promotes relaxation, increases feelings of bondedness, and enhances communication. Learn more about the power of touch and ways you can incorporate more of it into your relationship here.

9. Try to be more “in the moment” when you have sex. If you aren’t in the moment during sex, there’s a good chance that you might find it difficult to stay aroused or have an orgasm. So how can you get out of your head? Consider mindfulness training. Mindfulness is based on Buddhist traditions and meditation techniques and it involves entering a state of present-moment awareness. It takes some practice to learn how to focus your attention like this, but it has been shown to help with a range of sexual difficulties. My go-to recommendation for assistance is Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Dr. Lori Brotto. 

10. Talk about your sexual fantasies—and maybe turn some of them into reality, too (assuming they’re safe, sane, and consensual, of course). Research has found that couples who talk about and act on their sex fantasies are more sexually satisfied. Research also reveals that women who share and act on their fantasies have more orgasms, which suggests that getting in touch with our fantasies just might help us to close the orgasm gap! Don’t know where to start when it comes to sharing and acting on your fantasies? Check out my book Tell Me What You Want, which offers practical advice and information on communicating about your fantasies, while also describing the science behind where our fantasies come from and what they mean.

Here’s to a very happy and sexy new year!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/Marek Uliasz

You Might Also Like:

Video: Can Science Improve Your Sex Life?

Why Spooning After Sex Might Be Good For Your Love Life

7 Things That Predict Higher (Or Lower) Sexual Satisfaction

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from Meet Positives SMFeed 8 https://ift.tt/384P6Dp via IFTTT

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Happy New Year! Science-Backed Resolutions For Better Sex In 2021

Each time a new year rolls around, a lot of us start making resolutions for self-improvement. I suspect more people than usual may be making New Year’s resolutions right now given the ways in which our lives have been altered by the COVID-19 pandemic. According to media reports I’ve read, many (if not most) Americans reported at least some weight gain during the pandemic. At the same time, alcohol consumption rose and more people started smoking.

Resolutions often revolve around physical health, but as you ponder your own resolutions for 2021, here's one more to consider: resolve to have better sex this year. Many of us saw our intimate lives take a hit during the pandemic and are distressed by this. Fortunately, there are a lot of things you can do to get your mojo back in the new year, even if it is still a while before life returns to normal.

How so? Let research be your guide. Here are ten scientifically-backed suggestions for enhancing your sex life in 2021.

1. Be more vocal during sex. Research finds that the people who make the most noise in bed tend to be the most sexually satisfied. Why? Moaning and groaning help convey what you like and what feels good. By communicating this to your partner, it increases the odds that you'll get what you want. Plus, these noises signal appreciation for a partner's efforts and have the potential to enhance your partner's arousal.

2. Experiment with sex toys. A lot of women and men say they have previously used vibrators during sex. Not only do people who use these toys tend to report greater sexual satisfaction, but they also report better sexual functioning. This is likely due to the fact that vibrators and other toys are an easy way of interjecting novelty and excitement into sex (and, incidentally, the people who reported trying new sexual activities during the pandemic were the most likely to report that their intimate lives improved!).

3. Do your Kegels. A lot of people think that Kegel exercises are only for women, perhaps because that’s who they were originally developed for; however, it turns out that the benefits of Kegels aren't restricted to persons of one gender. Studies have found that Kegel exercises can offer a wide range of sexual benefits to women and men. Specifically, research suggests that Kegels have the potential to both prevent and resolve numerous sexual difficulties, as well as enhance pleasure.

4. Remember that "sex" isn't just one thing. Research tells us that the more activities people engage in during sex, the more likely they are to have an orgasm. This is true for both women and men. Perhaps you've heard the old saying that "variety is the spice of life?" Well, these results suggest that variety just might be the spice of your sex life, too.

5. Watch how much you drink. Lots of people consume alcohol as an aphrodisiac—and alcohol can indeed stimulate sexual desire when consumed in small quantities. However, too much booze is a recipe for sexual problems. Being inebriated can create a range of sexual difficulties, including problems becoming aroused and reaching orgasm. Excessive alcohol consumption can also impair sexual communication.

6. Instead of going to sleep after sex, try spooning or cuddling. Research has found that, regardless of gender, the more time people spend on after-sex affection, the happier they tend to be with both their sex lives and relationships. This suggests that it's not just what you do during sex that matters; what you do afterwards is very important, too.

7. Focus on quality, not quantity of sex. Most people think they'd be happier if they were having sex more often, but research suggests that this might not be the case. In a study in which couples tried to double the amount of sex they were having, those who forced themselves to do it more often were less happy in the end. When sex starts to feel like a chore—something we have to do instead of something we want to do—this undermines our interest in doing it. So don't get so hung up on sexual frequency. Focus instead on making sure that the sex you're having is good, which is something you can accomplish by adopting the other suggestions on this list.

8. Touch each other more often. Non-sexual, intimate touch is one of the keys to a happy and healthy relationship. Masters and Johnson discovered this long ago in their pioneering sex therapy work in the 1960s. They found that intimate touch can actually help resolve a wide range of sexual difficulties because it promotes relaxation, increases feelings of bondedness, and enhances communication. Learn more about the power of touch and ways you can incorporate more of it into your relationship here.

9. Try to be more “in the moment” when you have sex. If you aren’t in the moment during sex, there’s a good chance that you might find it difficult to stay aroused or have an orgasm. So how can you get out of your head? Consider mindfulness training. Mindfulness is based on Buddhist traditions and meditation techniques and it involves entering a state of present-moment awareness. It takes some practice to learn how to focus your attention like this, but it has been shown to help with a range of sexual difficulties. My go-to recommendation for assistance is Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Dr. Lori Brotto. 

10. Talk about your sexual fantasies—and maybe turn some of them into reality, too (assuming they’re safe, sane, and consensual, of course). Research has found that couples who talk about and act on their sex fantasies are more sexually satisfied. Research also reveals that women who share and act on their fantasies have more orgasms, which suggests that getting in touch with our fantasies just might help us to close the orgasm gap! Don’t know where to start when it comes to sharing and acting on your fantasies? Check out my book Tell Me What You Want, which offers practical advice and information on communicating about your fantasies, while also describing the science behind where our fantasies come from and what they mean.

Here’s to a very happy and sexy new year!

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Image Source: 123RF/Marek Uliasz

You Might Also Like:

Video: Can Science Improve Your Sex Life?

Why Spooning After Sex Might Be Good For Your Love Life

7 Things That Predict Higher (Or Lower) Sexual Satisfaction

What the Most Sexually Satisfied Couples are Doing in (and Out of) Bed

from MeetPositives SM Feed 4 https://ift.tt/384P6Dp via IFTTT