#i feel like we could relate these memories to

[hyohaehyuk]

I think a lot of people are not understanding one thing about this show: Louis have an eating disorder caused by his rejections of being a vampire and a queer man. Eating animals and rejecting eating humans is not a normal diet for vampires and is not the same as veganism/vegetarianism like i have seen some keep saying. In the AR' vampire universe is not just the blood but also the hunt and the memories they get from the victims that get them healthy. Even the way Louis eats in present days is weird af (even tho is consumes more human blood provided by his unethically farm) bc he is forcing himself to eat human food too (the whole thing is weird af. watch it again now with the image of him having a eating disorder in mind and you will see what i am saying)

Everything Lestat was doing (especially between ep 2/3) was trying to make Louis eat properly but all his desperate attempts was just pushing Louis away. The reason he brought Antoinette to their house was to recreate their 1st time with Miss Lily (bc if it worked 1 time surely it work another🤦). I think he was hoping that Louis would feed out of Antoinette and maybe even kill her. Same reason (besides the pride and bad communication) of why he opened their relationship. He was hoping that while he was hooking-up with someone he would feed from it but instead Louis chose someone who it had story (maybe to piss Lestat. I think this will be revised in season 3 bc i remember seeing on twitter that Lestat was next to Antoinette but once he he sees Louis talking with Jonah he is in another place far from her). He was already mad that Louis eating disorder was taking a tool on their relationship (which is why he start cheating 💀) but suddenly Louis was in the mood for some sex with someone else and on top of it Lestat also had to watch him hurting dogs (which maybe we will see in season 3 that human lestat loves dogs) instead of feeding on his hook-up human being.

The saddest thing is that there is nothing Lestat could have done to help (if you watched the last season of heartstopper Nick was dealing with a similar situation with Charlie and everyone's attempting to help him was actually making it worse). Things would only start getting better if the person admit to themselves and others they have a problem and seek for professional help which unfortunately for Louis was a thing that didn't exist at the time. Thankfully Louis at the end of season 2 finally accepted himself so on season 3 we will see a completely new Louis and i don't think Lestat will be ready for that Louis 🤭. Tho I hope Louis is not automatically cured in season 3. I think he will still mess it up occasionally until he gets cured for real.

Anyway, i hope they revise this (and a few other things) in season 3 bc it seems that a lot of people still dont get it. There is a chance of them doing that bc depressed Lestat was also feeding out of rats just like Louis was and maybe they could touch on this when doing connections with Nicky depression. i think we will see a lot of connections related how Lestat dealt with Louis and Claudia bc of his relationship with Nicky and his family, particularly his mother. Since Daniel works like the public voice maybe he will be the one doing those connections especially now that Daniel is a vampire and knows more about how it works.

i do think loustat in the show are monogamous, however given the nature of the vampirism they still have to seduce their victims to feed so i can see them hooking up with the victims before killing them but that dont make them non-monogamous in my eyes bc that would involve them actually having feelings for others.

And no, i dont think Louis was in love with Armand (he was attracted at most. i will not go much in depth into their relationship bc i don't want loum*nd shippers annoying the shit out of me. the only thing i am gonna say is that their relationship was all about Lestat: it started bc of him, continued after Paris bc of him and ended bc of him) and Lestat with Antoinette (she was more like his therapist so he could vent about Louis and Claudia. if he had love her he would have told her she could had attached any human' finger to hers after he made her cut her finger. He only keep her 1st bc she was giving him the devotion Louis was refusing to, 2nd bc it still made Louis' jealous which casually he would show it and then bc he needed her to spy on Louis and Claudia. if you guys noticed Louis was quite undecided in going forward Claudia plan of killing Lestat, until he brought Antoinette. It was then (especially when petty Lestat call her "love") when he made up his mind. That was Lestat worst mistake that night bc he knew about their plan and was trying to make Louis not going through it but then does that 🤦)

louis and lestat wouldn’t even hesitate to walk out into the sun if the other ceased to exist and people think they would ever consider polyamory. it’s just not realistic. they invented monogamy and the soul being irrevocably tied to one other soul for eternity and beyond

[cocogum]

The Great Wave - Chapter 11 Review

‼️SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER‼️

And we're back!! Yay!!

It felt like a year since I've done these but I'm so happy we get to see what happened after that ANNOYING ASS cliffhanger.

And omg after reading this, I genuinely had so many more questions!!

So without further ado, LET'S DO THIS SHIT

We go back to where we've been before, aka seeing these three goobers choking up from that damn blueberry.

I'd like to point out that this is one of the rarest times where we get to see colored blood in the manga. I get that we've seen them bleed before, but the red popping up like that really made me miss it 🥰🥰

😀😀

Hotass masochist is at it again-

Anyways, Grougalorasalar brings Yugo and Adamai in their memories 💕without their consent💕 and...he actually never saw the Inglorium damn.

Daddy Grougalorasalar already has beef with these two morons so just imagine how he must be feeling from the fact that not only did they cause a lot of problems (without meaning to) in the world, but they also got to visit the gods' realm before him.

This guy might have lived far longer than these two and even he didn't see this place before them....

But what actually makes me confused here is that bro not only hates Yugo but is actually curious about what kinda shit he's gonna do next.

Like yeah he hates Yugo for doing shit he didn't mean to but at the same time he's waiting for him to do more shit cuz he's curious. Does...does Grougalorasalar like to cause trouble to people and to himself??

Omg...he's such a slut for pain i can't-

Yugo....sweetie...no 💕

A huge part of me knew he was still going to act recklessly and charge at Grougalorasalar without thinking. But on the other hand, a small part of me mindlessly hoped that he'd be more aware of the situation he was in. But at least it just goes to show that Yugo never lost his tendency to charge at the enemy ever since season 1.

Fun fact, in french, Yugo is yelling at him because he doesn't understand why Grougalorasalar would cause problems to "good people". I love how we still get to see his kid side resurfacing from time to time because that was the most stupidest thing a grown man could say.

YES!! THANK YOU!! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW!!

You have no idea how annoyed I felt when we got no answers as to why the other gods weren't present in Inglorium. I understood that it was because Tot wanted to explain their disappearances in Waven but I was still very into this mystery cuz it puts the eliatrope goddess in a bad light.

So to hear Grougalorasalar mention Inglorium's crumbled state makes me really happy to see cuz we get to at least dig on that topic.

OOOFFFFF‼️‼️‼️

NO YUGO HE'S GOT A POINT YOUR MOTHER WAS SO SUS ‼️‼️‼️

This is what I mean when I say that his mom needs to be held accountable, there's something seriously suspicious about someone who gives off weird vibes when they're supposed to be known as the goddess of LOVE AND CREATION.

I did not even think that Grougalorasalar knew about the state of the gods' realm, but it just goes to show that primordial dragons are aware of the world's situations and what goes beyond it.

But what shocked me the most in this chapter was that not only did Grougalorasalar know about the Inglorium being in shambles, BUT HE ALSO KNOWS WHO YUGO AND ADAMAI'S FATHER IS AND THAT THE GODDESS APPARENTLY INTERACTED WITH HIM BEFORE SEEING YUGO AND THE OTHERS.

There is a lot to unpack here just by reading these three panels.

First, Grougalorasalar confirmed to us that it was the Eliatrope goddess' fault that the other gods are not here. Back when someone asked her what had happened to the other gods, she simply dodged the question.

Second, Grougalorasalar claims that when the goddess got saved by Nora and Efrim, she went straight to her lover and freed him to take revenge on the other gods. This means that the goddess can, in fact, express feelings not related to pure emotions like love and compassion. She's like everyone else and does have faults of her own. This also proves us that this lover of hers is a very dangerous one. He's such a threat, in fact, that he was able to completely destroy the Inglorium and leave no traces as to where the other gods may have gone. We also got to know that her lover was angry. He may have been furious because the goddess had been imprisoned just like him. Why was he imprisoned? We don't know.

And third, Adamai doesn't know who their father is. It may seem very random that I'm mentioning him but it does make sense. Adamai had been taught and raised by Grougaloragran so he must've known who their father was. But judging by how Adamai seemed just as eager to know like Yugo, he never got to know who he is which means Grougaloragran, back in his prime, didn't know either.

But there are two people in Season 4 who must've known and those were Qilby and Nora.

The reason why Qilby knows is pretty obvious: he cannot forget a single thing from his millions of lives. So he must've known at some point who his father was.

And the reason why Nora knows is because she was assisting the goddess. Right after she saved her and had no choice but to leave Efrim behind to the necromes, she accompanied the goddess to free her father and then went with her to get the elite eliatropes.

If Qilby and Nora had still been alive, they would've explained everything to Yugo and Adamai, but we know that Tot loves to not reveal anything to these two 💀💀

Now for those who are not aware or haven't heard, Yugo and Adamai's father is not the Great Dragon apparently.

In an interview with Tot, he claimed that their father wasn't the Great Dragon and that the answer would be revealed soon.

So....take that as what you will.

Personally, it doesn't make any sense that he couldn't be the father because not only have we been told time and time again that the Great Dragon and the Goddess made the primordial eliatropes together, but we've also been told that he was also the one who created the krosmoz with her.

Now yes, he did take part in making the krosmoz it's just that Tot retconned the fact that he was the father of the primordial eliatropes.

It would've made much more sense if the Great Dragon was the father because it would explain why he had been imprisoned by the other gods for being too deadly.

But who knows, maybe Tot does have a good answer to all of this, and we've just never seen him before because he's a new character that had been hidden in the shadows all this time.

And speaking of Tot....

Remember when he said that Armand's name was supposed to be spelled with the letter 't' at the end?

Well...

THE CHAPTER LITERALLY ADDRESSES ARMAND WITH THE LETTER 'D' LIKE IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN ‼️‼️

You mean to tell me that this guy got so fed up with everyone from 'butchering' Armand's name when the seasons, the credits, the ovas, the mangas, and even the artbooks CALL HIM WITH A D.

Come on Tot just admit that you personally like to call him that cuz his name reminds you of a relative of yours. Because you make no sense when the show and the books have called him the exact opposite. Cuz if you keep doing that, we're just gonna break our heads and seriously wonder if we should trust your words over the canon source material that we've grown up with.

But anyways ✨️✨️

Not only did this chapter reveal that the goddess is sus, that we learned what happened when she got freed, that we know that Yugo and Adamai's father is not the Great Dragon, and that Tot makes his own headcanons, but we also got to see another character's name make a reveal in this chapter.

Why is Harebourg's name mentioned and why did Grougalorasalar tell them not to have messed with him. 😀😀😀

Look....

If his name being mentioned is because he's the official antagonist of Season 5, then I will die screaming from the top of a hill.

If not, then idk why Grougalorasalar chose to mention him out of all the antagonists that we got lol

But this does make sense! In a video posted by Ankama animations on YouTube, they mentioned that the antagonist for the season will be a new antagonist but someone that we already know. @geekgirles made sure to screenshot the exact moment where an employee had mentioned the antagonist of the fifth season here.

I actually really wish that Harebourg had recently been a problem for Yugo and Amalia because it would make 100% sense as to why Grougalorasalar even mentioned him in the first place.

It makes so much sense in fact THAT I MADE AN ENTIRE THEORY AS TO WHY IT'S PLAUSIBLE THAT HE'S STILL ALIVE HERE.

[heliosunny]

I have a request for a lovesick fyodor. How he would be with a darling that he loves so much and how possessive he would be of her.

LOVESICK

The first time Fyodor Dostoevsky walked into the library, you hardly noticed him. He was just another visitor, albeit one with a quiet, almost unsettling aura. You were busy organizing a stack of books, your hands moving with practiced ease as you shelved a collection of philosophical works. But then, his voice broke through the silence-low, smooth, and deliberate.

“Do you have anything on Nietzsche’s unpublished letters?”

You turned, and there he was, dressed immaculately, his dark eyes fixed on you with an intensity that made you pause. There was something magnetic about him, something you couldn’t quite place.

“We do” you replied, motioning toward the far corner of the library. “Second shelf from the top. Let me show you.”

As you walked him to the section, you felt his gaze linger on you, not in an overtly intrusive way but as if he were trying to commit every detail to memory. When you handed him the book, your fingers briefly brushed, and you caught a fleeting smile on his lips.

“Thank you” he said, his tone almost reverent. “I’ll take care of this.”

The next time he visited, he approached the desk with a question that caught you off guard.

“I’ve been reading ‘Thus Spoke Zarathustra’” he began, setting the book down on the counter. “Nietzsche’s prose is… evocative, but don’t you think his aphorisms feel like riddles that only he understands?”

You looked up from your work, surprised by the directness of his question. “That’s part of his style” you replied thoughtfully. “He wanted readers to wrestle with his ideas, to find their own interpretations rather than being handed answers.”

His lips curved into a small smile. “You’ve thought about this before.”

“I’ve had plenty of time to think about Nietzsche.” you admitted, gesturing to the shelves around you. “Working here gives me access to more books than I could ever hope to read.”

“And yet,” he said, tilting his head slightly, “you choose to spend your time pondering Nietzsche. What is it about his work that fascinates you?”

You hesitated, then said: “It’s not just his work. It’s the way he wrestled with questions of meaning and morality. He didn’t shy away from difficult truths, even when they made him an outcast.”

Fyodor’s gaze lingered on you, and for a moment, the world seemed to fall away. “An outcast” he repeated softly. “I suppose that’s something I can relate to.”

From that day forward, Fyodor’s questions became more frequent and more probing. He asked about your favorite authors, your thoughts on Dostoevsky’s exploration of guilt and redemption, and whether you believed in the idea of a “superior man” as posited by Raskolnikov. He listened to you with an intensity that was both flattering and unnerving, his dark eyes never leaving yours as you spoke. To you, he was a curious, enigmatic patron. To him, you were the center of his world.

One afternoon, he approached the desk holding a copy of ‘The Brothers Karamazov.’

“Do you think Ivan was justified in his rebellion against God?” he asked, setting the book down gently.

You glanced at the book, then back at him. “Justified? Maybe. But was he right? That’s a different question. Ivan’s rebellion is more about his pain than his logic. He wants a world where suffering doesn’t exist, but that’s an impossible ideal.”

Fyodor’s lips quirked upward, a rare and fleeting smile. “You’re not afraid to challenge his ideals. That’s rare.”

“Books are meant to be challenged” you said simply. “That’s how we grow as readers… and as people.”

His expression softened, and for a moment, he seemed almost vulnerable. “You’re an intriguing person” he murmured. “This library doesn’t deserve someone like you.”

You blinked at him, unsure of how to respond. Before you could say anything, he inclined his head and walked away, leaving you to wonder what he had meant. Despite your kindness, you only saw him as a regular patron—someone who frequented your quiet sanctuary. For him, though, you were so much more.

That day was the beginning. Fyodor became a regular visitor, often lingering in the quiet corners of the library. At first, he asked you questions about obscure texts, theories, and historical anecdotes. But over time, his questions became less about the books and more about you. What you liked to read, your thoughts on the world, what you thought about solitude. You found yourself drawn to him despite the unsettling air he carried. He listened to you as though every word you spoke held profound importance, his eyes never leaving yours.

What you didn’t know was that Fyodor was becoming obsessed. To him, you were a masterpiece of calmness and intellect, a rare light in a world he found insufferably chaotic. He loved the way you moved through your days with quiet grace, the way you brought a sense of peace to even the most mundane tasks. You had become his anchor in a world he wanted to destroy.

-----

One day, he stopped coming. At first, you told yourself it didn’t matter. He was just a visitor, a fleeting presence in your quiet world. But as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, you couldn’t help but wonder where he had gone. You missed his conversations, the way he seemed to hang on to your every word. You missed him.

Then, one rainy afternoon, he returned. He was different. Pale and gaunt, his usual composed demeanor was replaced by exhaustion. His clothes were slightly disheveled, and there was a faint scar on his temple that hadn’t been there before. His hands trembled slightly as he clutched the edge of the counter where you worked.

“You’re back!” you said, your voice filled with surprise and relief.

He gave you a weak smile. “Did you miss me?”

You hesitated, then nodded. “Where have you been? You look… unwell.”

“I’ve been away...” he said vaguely, his tone soft but evasive. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m here.”

Despite your better judgment, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of concern. You led him to the library’s small lounge and insisted he sit down. He looked at you with something akin to awe as you fussed over him, bringing him tea and insisting he rest.

“You’re too kind.” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t deserve this.”

“Nonsense” you said firmly. “Just rest. We can talk later.”

What you didn’t know was that during his absence, Fyodor had been embroiled in battles with the Armed Detective Agency. He had faced danger, orchestrated victories, and emerged triumphant. But it had taken a toll on him, both physically and emotionally. Through it all, thoughts of you had kept him going. You had become his reason, his anchor.

-----

For weeks, he stayed close to you, his visits more frequent and his presence more consuming. He seemed calmer, softer even, when he was with you. But there was something beneath the surface, something he wasn’t telling you.

Then one day, while organizing a new shipment of books, you stumbled upon a note. It was hastily scrawled, a list of names and locations that meant nothing to you at first glance. But the tone of the note was dark, and the implications sent a chill down your spine. When you confronted Fyodor about it, his reaction was not what you expected.

“Where did you find this?” he asked, his voice cold and measured.

“In one of the books” you said. “Fyodor, what is this?”

He sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“What does it mean?” you pressed, your voice trembling. “What have you been doing?”

He stepped closer, his presence almost suffocating. “It doesn’t concern you” he said, his tone firm but not unkind. “What matters is that you’re safe. I’ve made sure of that.”

“Safe?” you repeated, disbelief coloring your voice. “Fyodor, I don’t even know who you really are.”

He smiled then, a cold, haunting smile that sent a shiver down your spine. “You know enough. You know I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

You shook your head, fear and confusion swirling in your chest. “I don’t understand. What have you done?”

He cupped your face in his hands, his touch surprisingly gentle. “I’ve done what I must. For us. For the world I want to build. And now that you know, there’s no turning back.”

-----

You tried to pull away, but his grip tightened ever so slightly. “You don’t need to be afraid” he said softly. “I’ll protect you from everything. Even yourself, if I must.”

Despite your fear, a part of you couldn’t deny the pull he had on you. He was dangerous, yes, but there was a vulnerability in him that made you hesitate.

Fyodor’s lips brushed your forehead as he whispered, “You’re mine now. And I’ll make sure the world knows it.”

From that day forward, your life was no longer your own. Fyodor’s love was all-consuming, his possessiveness absolute. He would do anything to keep you by his side, even if it meant tearing down the world and rebuilding it in his image. And though you fought to hold on to your sense of self, you couldn’t help but wonder if it was already too late.

[quiet-admirer]

What you wrote about the shift in the online definition of feedism is interesting to me! I was exploring the online scene during that time (2011), too, and I feel a bit the same and a bit opposite. I saw “feedism” being used as a catchall term that folks lumped everything involving eating or gaining weight under. Stuffing and bloating were included under “feedism.” Even vore was occasionally under that umbrella.

I think now I see it as similar to the label of “queer” vs more specific labels within the queer identity. Queer itself can be an identity or an umbrella term. Like feedism can be a kink in its own right, or an umbrella term for other kinks. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry for sitting on this ask for ages, I was trying to find a few sources I *know* I have read with different definitions of fat fetish related terms, and I was curious to look back and them and see what they said. One was an older webpage and one a 2010s-ish? webzine, I believe, with like infographics and everything, but for the fucking life of me I cannot find them!

That's interesting, though! I agree, I have definitely heard feedism used as an umbrella term for as long as I've known it, I just don't think it was as common back in the day in my memory. It was (/is?) my impression that people who weren't as invested in the nitty-gritty of various terms used a looser definition, kind of like people now who don't distinguish between "feedism" and "feederism".

But with all of this kind of stuff I can never tell what might have been representative of the communities at large and what might have been a reflection of the specific slice of the Internet I happened to be exposed to, so who knows. The way feedism was always explained to me when I was learning about it was a feeding dynamic 🤷‍♂️ That's more useful for me personally but I don't make the rules about how other people want to identify, and I've kind of started seeing in the past year or 2 that if I really cared enough to make it a battle it would be a losing one lol, all the youths seem to be using it as an umbrella term to mostly mean weight gain kink at this point. I also may be 100% wrong and just made up the definition in my head without realizing it back in the day and have run with it for years!

I do think that it's worth being very intentional about how terms are defined and used in formal or academically-minded writing about ourselves, though, and making sure we're acknowledging the nuances in how the term is used, and I think my points I made in my reply to the post we're referencing still stand.

I once read a line in a paper or article or something that expressed the opinion that after so much research done on BDSM over the decades on what BDSM, what engaging in fetish dynamics and acts "means", the most solid conclusion that can be drawn is that the BDSM community are the worst people to ask about what BDSM means because nobody fucking knows and there is 0 consensus lol. I imagine it would be similar for our side of the tracks, too, there's a lot of variation and diversity among us.

What I really wish could happen is getting a huge sample of free-text submissions of terminology definitions from people in the fat/feeding/weight gain fetish realms just to see what everyone's similarities and differences were!

(and this is why we need to document and preserve and archive our shit, it sucks that it's so hard to go back and compare how we were defining ourselves in the past!)

[eri-pl]

I like to HC he didn't– wait. Lúthien did not plead for Beren's life. (or my memory is v wrong again) She pleaded to be allowed to say farewell to him. and then Námo got moved by her singing and he pleaded for them being let to live together. And no, I prefer to think he didn't know this beforehand. Because it makes a better story.

Did Tuor even get to live in Valinor? All we get is "I heard it in a song". But if he did,… I don't think that's something Námo would be blinded from. Why would he. "Ulmo's pet Man gets to be an Elf" is cool but not a big turning point of history (him having a son is more of a turning point tbh).

Gimli… TBH it would be just as funny if Námo knew and just waited for everyone's reactions. 🤣 Let the guy have some fun.

I think he would know at least some about Saruman. I suppose my rule for what Námo wuold not know is "he doesn't know when the world ends + whatever makes a better story if he doesn't know it beforehand + I like patterns"

Yes, he is explicitely supposed to keep this stuff to himself, unless Manwë tells him to pronounce a doom (and even then I assume he can't tell much).

[And yes, the dwarves… it would be funny if he didn't.]

PS: @i-am-death-and-i-am-doom I went to reply to your reblog too but then I realized it's much the same, so I'll merge the replies here.

As for the timelines, let me copy what I said in the comments, because I'm tired and don't want to rephrase:

Eru knows all beforehand, so it's not like Númenor was improvised. Námo could have known in theory. As for choices and free will, it's complicated. Generally the nature of time… TLDR of how I see Námo in relation to his own choices is that he sort of was given access to a true omniscience at some point before he want to Arda and made all his choices beforehand, so now he knows what happens and what he does, and to deviate from this choices would be evil. And yes, for a human it would be a terrible, torturous existence, but he's not human, it works for him. I suppose he does treasure the rare moments of nknown, but he is fine with knowing what he will do. That's how Námo works. And as for the choices of others, he knows them beforehand (except when not), but since he does not tell them, it doesn't negate their free will. I'm sorry I can't explain it better, it's just the nature of time… Námo is stuck into the time a little differently than all the other Valar&co. Or maybe much differently.

As for the events: Lúlu and Númenor, yes, I already said I like those being on the list. Earendil… IDK (btw he was judged by the Valar, there was no asking Eru involved; the Valar have a permission to deal with peredhel in whatever way they see fit)

Long-term dealings of Men… that's an interesting idea. TBH I don't have a good sense of how the non-Musicality (non-fully-Musicality, I'd say) exactly shows, and I'd love to have more of an idea of it. I do have an idea of what this ties to, a cloud of things taht are related… but that doesn't feel like enough.

Please tell me your HCs for "what does Námo not know (or had not known before it happenned)".

(concrete events/questions, not the general definition)

[agni-ashes]

my god, he just can’t STOP can he (affectionate)

transcript under the cut!

martyn: "what is that?"

jimmy: "who's this little fella?"

martyn: "... i think that's my memory."

[hesitant laughter]

martyn: "oh dear, there goes my memory, floating away again into the abyss."

jimmy: "and then he floated away"

martyn: "i remember a time when i was playing third life and-”

jimmy (interrupting): "nah- no"

martyn: "ehm, look at me now..."

jimmy: "stop this! stop talking about third life!"

[blitheringbongus]

Can't believe Scar saw a rapidly approaching, dishevled mumbo and went "he's so cute." I need to run unorthodox experiments on them.

IKR SAME OMG

They’re literally perfect for each other <- delusional

But seriously they have so much lore together in my silly brain and the few interactions they do have (WHICH HAS BEEN INCREASING A LOT LATELY MAY I ADD) has been FUELING the fire rapidly and gods gods GODS do I have many thoughts about them

[formulafics]

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Last night I had a dream that I only vaguely remember where someone tried to switch hualian and beefleaf but kept failing because too much of Hua Cheng’s character was him being whipped and they didn’t know how to deal with that. I was entirely useless but did find their approach to making Xie Lian gender-fluid interesting (i don’t remember what they did when doing that).

I was basically just sitting there with a sprite I got from a movie theater that was closing (dream right before this one) and being entirely useless as help (but I was entertained)

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

I want more lore about gallifrey and how time lord society works, but at the same time I love making shit up about it

[vcutparis]

i think i am Healed. i felt recognized here wow. warms hugs for u author! (spoilers in the tags)

subtle variations of heartbreak (index)

Summary:  a series of stand alone one-shots depicting every kind of heartbreak you will undoubtedly experience in your 20s

Pairing: fem. reader x Ateez

Genre: college au, high school au, oh boy lovers to exes, unrequited love, friends with benefits, like a whole lotta angst read with caution, fluff, smut

Warnings: a LOT of insecurity talk, sexual content, cheating, trust issues, communication warnings idk i’ll add if theres anything else

A/N: this will be a short series, one chapter for each member. they can be read as stand-alones but they’re all tied together kinda. i’ll warn you right now i doubt you will like any of these characters because theyre all going to break your heart so… idk when i’ll post the first part, maybe tomorrow or later on in the week. 

if anyone would like to be added to the taglist just dm me :)

MY  MAIN MASTERLIST!

INDEX:

1. The First Love

drabbles: this is what i have to do

2. The Hookup Buddy

3. The Blind Sider

drabbles: (don’t wanna) be responsible

4. The Game Changer

drabbles: dream of her

5. The One That Got Away

drabbles: the winner takes it all

6. When You End It

drabbles: messy as you want

7. Friends Can Break Your heart Too

8. The Cheater

drabbles: no good

                part-time lovers

9. The One 

drabbles : (not) my baby

                 still into you

                 sleepover

[waywardsalt]

:3

[gojosprettyprincess]

Hide n Fuck!!?

Synopsis - A quick game of hide n seek quickly turns into a nasty game of hide n fuck with your step-brother Megumi

Warning! - Prone bone, stepcest, they fuck in the attic, degradation, praising, spiting, dirty talk, creampie, choking, breeding kink, Reader is 19 n Megumi is 21, They aren’t blood related. They got caught :0, they may be some grammar errors!! Please do not interact if this isn’t your cup of tea!! MDNI!! Oh he is Toji’s son alright.

Kinktober List ԅ(°Д°ԅ)

A/n - I’m so horny

﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You didn’t think the day would come where you get to relive a cherishable childhood memory of playing one of your favorite games of all time. Playing a game of hide and seek with Megumi and his cousins—a game you never thought you’d play again considering the fact that you were 19 and what people would describe as "too grown" to be playing childish games like that but fortunately, some of Megumi’s family from his dad's side came over for a small family reunion so that’s what led to the evocation.

You sighed in disappointment after finding a well concealed spot to hide in the crowded attic—behind some large boxes in the corner that has been collecting dust for probably years now, just to be raided by Megumi, who joined you.

It was a pretty clandestine hiding spot but now the chances of getting caught has increased even more because it’s been proven to you throughout the years in your childhood that you’ve played the game that you're most likely to get caught quicker if someone else was hiding with you.

But soon enough all those apprehension flew right past your head once you were being fucked hard into oblivion by Megumi— he’s basically mounting you, his larger frame almost crushing your back as you lay on your stomach. Your ass arching up a bit to accommodate the amelioration of the angle. His curved dick sliding in and out of your gushing cunt with ease every time he humps himself into you. His pelvis slapping against the fat of your ass so lewdly, causing the flesh to jiggle like jello against him. Literally, all that could be heard were his loud breathing and occasional groans, your pathetic moaning and babbling a bunch of god knows what, along with the constant sounds of his meaty balls thwacking against your puffy clit—that’s practically wet and dripping with slick. It was actually so fucking nasty how wet you were, coating and drooling all over his cock with your aroused slick as your snugged pussy enveloped his mean cock.

“Fuck you hear how soaked she is for me? Such a little slut. You don’t care what the situation is, you just wanna get your little hole stuffed and fucked like a horny bitch, is that right?” his deep voice rasped against your ear, it was pretty hilarious to you that he was saying that when he was the one groping you from behind and kissing your neck while rubbing his hard bulge into your ass with your skirt hauled up just seconds after he joined you—basically the one to initiate what was happening in the first place. You weren’t even surprised though, Megumi always had a thing for sneaky fucking—An exhibition freak.

You moaned out like brainless slut, placing one of your hands on Megumi’s right hand, which is balled up into a fist to ground himself at the sides of your head. He was so close to you that you could smell the delicious scent of his cologne—sweet and minty, wafting straight into your nostrils, making your mind hazy.

“Gumiii” you whined, feeling your brains getting fucked out that you're just babbling nonsense at the point. “Hmm? What is it baby” he moved his head closer to yours, licking a long stripe on the side of your neck that sent shivers down your spine. "We need to ngh—Hur-ry, or we’ll get cccaught!” You yelped suddenly, biting your lips when you felt two of his lengthy fingers toying with your nipple, tugging and pinching the hard bud.

“Oh yeah? Then I guess you’ll just have to be a good girl f’me and be extra fucking quiet or would you rather let everyone see and hear you getting fucked dumb and stupid by your stepbrother’s cock?” His deep voice whispered in your ear, a tiny smirk plastered on the corner of his face that immediately made your pussy clenched even harder around his girth, Your jaw dropped as his cockhead kissed your cervix, making your eyes roll back in your head. It’s like every time he fucked his cock deeper and deeper into you, your mind goes clumsy and you turn into a brainless zombie.

There’s no way any one couldn’t hear the loud thumping noises and loud moans coming from the attic—there’s no way fucking way but by the way Megumi was being an arrogant lil shit and stretching your little pussy open with his cock so brutally to accommodate his size like this, making you moan uncontrollable as if he wants someone to hear and get caught, he doesn’t seem to give a shit.

“Fuckk wish I could suck on those pretty tits” he murmured as he fondled with your breast, groping and squeezing the soft flesh as you shiver slightly because of his cold hands. He quickly lets go and wraps his big hand over your throat, angling your head to look up at him, a dark glint beaming in his eye with a tiny smirk as he eyed your fucked out face. He watched as your face distorted in pleasure, his thick cock twitching in your pussy knowing that he was the reason for that. You opened your mouth, acquitting a loud pornographic moan, Megumi used that as a perfect opportunity to corrugate his lips, a loud “pff” sound ringing in your ears as you felt a thick substance hitting your tongue. “Swallow it now” he ordered nonchalantly, dark blue eyes piercing into your soul. You did as you were told and swallowed his spit, opening your mouth after to prove it to him.

“Mmm That’s a gooddd girl, fuckk this pussy s’good, imagine if I blow my load inside this pretty cunt and fill you up, bet you’d like that yeah? Wanna give your mom and Toji some snotty little grandkids?” He babbles maniacally in your ear as you go stupid, feeling your orgasm approaching.

He noticed. Hand enthralling harder around your neck as he buckled his hips against you roughly, pulling his thick cock out of you just to bully it right back into your tight hole faster knocking loud whimpers out of you. He quickly lets go of your neck, his hand snaking its way to your sticky clit, using three fingers to sloppily rub circles on it without any type of rhythm, if you weren’t fucked so dumb right now you might’ve actually had a chance to recognize the messy spelling of his name rubbing onto your clit. “Fuckkk—look at this greedy little pussy squeezing my cock like this, you gonna cum? You really gonna make a mess on your step-brothers dick? Fuck you’re suchhh a little slut, baby. He laughed while moaning, feeling your pussy milking his cock for his own release. Fuck he really is considering fucking a baby into you at this point, your pussy was driving him crazy. His eyes rolled to the back of his head so pathetically as you screamed his name, feeling your hole spasming around his length as you squirted on his cock and all over the floor. Wet squelching noises achoing against the thin wooden walls as he fucked the liquid out of you, steams of your pussy juice heaving everywhere.

“Shitt you squirted??Oh fuckfuckfuck, What a dirty bitch” he gritted his teeth, almost losing his mind. Oh he’s trying his best to hold onto the small amount of sanity he has left as his cock molds your hole perfectly, his thick girth sliding into your pussy painfully fast because of your wetness. His mean tip grazing against your g-spot perfectly that it made your toes curl. You can feel literally feel how much his cock was twitching and beating against your fluttery walls, His eyes screwed shut as he emptied his balls into your messy pussy, cum overflowing and pooling everywhere as he shot ropes of his seed into your womb.

“Holy fuckkk yeah you’re definitely hah—carrying my kid, woman” he groaned loudly, stilling himself inside of you for a bit to catch his breathe before picking himself up from your back to rest himself on the back of your thighs, his eyes fixated on the mess between your thighs. He bit his lips, slowly slipping his cock out of you as he watched as your mixed cum leaks out of you. You whined lowly feeling so stuffed full yet so empty at the same time without Megumi’s cock. You body fully collapsed on the floor, you were so fucked out you couldn’t even process anything as he slowly spread your cheeks, getting a better view of your ruined hole before slapping his dick on your cunt, he let it a low “fuck” as your juices splattered on him.

“Such a messy bitch” he muttered with low grunt, Slapping his soaked cock on your cheeks.

“Best little step-sister aren’t ya?” He smirks. About to open his mouth to speak again before the attic door flew open, causing the two of you to jolt unexpectedly—both eyes shooting open toward the source.

“GOT YAA-“ Yuji’s eyes quickly widen, mouth visibly dropped at the lewd scene in front of him. A horrific expression plastered on his face. Oh boy.

[writingouthere]

singledad!Sukuna x neighbor!reader-Sukuna and Yuuji really want you to join their family! role reversal from my other series, think this will just be a one-shot though. Yuuji is Sukuna's brother but he's raised him since he was a baby and Yuuji calls him dad.

cw: Sukuna is manipulative and also a murderer but everyone's happy and you're both aware so it's okay. this is really just fluff.

"I....want you to be my mommy?"

Sukuna scowled as Yuuji looked more confused than ever.

"No, no that is not what you're saying kid. You're just going to tell her about how the other kids' mommies on the playground make you feel left out."

"But they don't, Megumi's mommy always gives me a snack when I'm hungry!"

"That's not his mommy, that's Megumi's daddy," Sukuna corrected, wondering if this was just a hopeless endeavor. He could have easily followed a plan this simple when he was four, but Yuuji was too soft. This was what happened when you raised a kid in a stable, loving environment. They lost the ability to go for the jugular when needed.

"But Megumi's daddy calls him mommy?" Sukuna didn't hold back his groan. You were going to be coming back from your morning walk any minute. He didn't have time for Yuuji to not get basic directions or to explain the dynamics of that Gojo family.

"Look when we go out there, just look sad and I'll handle the rest."

"But I'm not sad, I'm happy. We're going to the park and Megumi's mommy is bringing mochi today!"

"Shit kid, do you want a mom or not?" Sukuna asked, trying not to roll his eyes as be bent down to snap on the velcro straps on Yuuji's light up sneakers.

"I don't need a mom, I have you," Yuuji said. He looked uncharacteristically defiant and Sukuna couldn't help feeling proud of his little brother.

It had been touch and go when Yuuji was a baby. Sukuna had still been a kid himself and they didn't have any money and Yuuji's mom was even crazier than Sukuna's. Their father nowhere to be seen. Since Sukuna and Uraume had spread the pieces of his corpse around the city.

Sukuna pushed these memories aside and ruffled Yuuji's hair. "I know you don't need one, we only need each other." Yuuji nodded, his little head moving with all his conviction. "But it might be nice, right?"

Yuuji seemed thoughtful before finally biting his lip and looking down at his sneakers. He tapped them, making the red and black lights flash.

"She's really nice, I like her."

"I like her too," Sukuna said and he heard the sound of your sneakers slapping against the tiled hallway. "So let's go and look sad, okay?" Yuuji nodded, determined now and Sukuna grabbed his backpack before the two brothers went out into the hall.

You were just taking your keys out of your bag and you turned to the brothers, a smile on your face. "Good morning gentlemen, it's nice to see you. Heading out?"

That was when you noticed Yuuji's downturned expression. Sukuna saw your face shift into one of concern and he resisted a smirk.

Sukuna cleared his throat and squeezed Yuuji's hand. Good boy. "We're heading out to the park, you know the one by the high school."

"Oooh, that's nice. You like that park, right Yuuji? You said it was the biggest one in the whole city," you crouched down so you could look Yuuji in the eye and Yuuji seemed to forget he was supposed to be sad for a minute because he jumped up and down, the lights of his shoes flashing in the dim hallway.

"Yeah, it has the best swings too!" You ooohed and aawed appropriately while Sukuna tried not to smack his head against the wall. Maybe he and this kid weren't related after all, fuck.

Yuuji seemed to notice his expression because he stopped jumping to look down at feet. He put out his lower lip and used the tip of one of shoes to mess with a scuff mark on the linoleum. It would have made a more pathetic visage if his shoes weren't still lit up.

"Yuuji," you said, coming closer so you could kneel on the ground in front of the boy. The sight of you on your knees did something to Sukuna, but he pushed it aside to see what the brat had in mind. So far, he wasn't impressed with the performance. "Is something wrong?"

"It's just," Yuuji let out a sad sigh that wouldn't get him a gig in a car commercial. "Megumi and his mommy will be there and it makes me feel sad because all the other kids have mommies and I don't." God, there was no way you could be buying this, Sukuna looked at you and saw that your eyes looked a little watery.

Huh, look at that. Maybe he wouldn't have to kick the kid out, after all.

"I'm sorry Yuuji, that must be hard," you said and you reached out and swiped out where Yuuji had even managed to shed a tear. Sukuna felt so proud. "But I know that your dad is really excited to take you and the two of you are going to have so much fun!"

"Could you come too?" Yuuji asked and you bit your lip. Yuuji looked up and batted his little doe eyes at you. "It would make me really happy if you came with us. We could all have fun together."

"I wouldn't want to intrude-"

"It wouldn't be intruding," Sukuna cut in. "If you're busy though no worries, I know we'll have fun just the two of us. Right, Yuuji?"

Yuuji bit his lip and Sukuna could tell he was torn between showing how excited he was to spend time with his dad and being 'sad' so you would join them.

You looked between the two before seeming to come to some kind of decision. "If you don't mind waiting while I change, I'd be happy to join you two. Should I bring anything?"

"I think we're all set. We'll wait outside for you," Sukuna said and Yuuji went up and gave you a big hug that you returned.

Sukuna took Yuuji outside to wait for you, the kid occupying himself with a mostly washed away hopscotch chalk sketch. Sukuna alternated between watching him and texting Uraume who was claiming to be over him and his nonsense. Sukuna would take it more seriously if Uraume hadn't been saying that for going on twenty years. He knew they loved him, fucking sap.

Soon, but not soon enough, you came bounding down the stairs. A scarf tied around your neck, your turtleneck exposed by the open top button of your coat. He couldn't keep letting you be single, looking all pretty like that. He was too greedy for that.

Besides, looking the way you did and knowing your big heart, it was just a matter of time before some nice loser tricked you into settling with them and he just couldn't have that. The idea of you taking someone else home to your warm apartment with it's million throw blankets and a cookie jar, an actual cookie jar, he was convinced you kept stocked up just for Yuuji, made him want to commit another murder.

"Ready?" you asked and Sukuna nodded while Yuuji took your hand in his right and Sukuna's in his left.

"Let's go!"

Yuuji's enthusiasm was contagious and the two of you chatted all the way to the park. Sukuna saw some people shoot you all looks as you walked. Sukuna was used to people viewing him with suspicion, even fear. His tattoos, dyed hair and general demeanor making people cross the street to avoid him. Something about you and Yuuji seemed to balance him out though and people reacted as if they were just looking at a cute family going out on a Saturday.

You didn't seem to notice either way and just continued talking to Yuuji about some new anime for kids Sukuna had probably had to suffer through but hadn't retained any memory of.

As soon as you all got to the park, Yuuji took off with barely a good-bye. You seemed concerned and Sukuna bumped your shoulder with his. "Don't stress, he just sees the Fushiguro kid over there. See, they're already fucking around."

He pointed to where Yuuji was chasing around a scowling dark haired boy the same age as him. Sukuna didn't buy the scowl for a second.

He had once run into the kid and his weird dads at the grocery store and the kid had scolded him when he figured out Yuuji wasn't with him. Sukuna would have knocked the kid down a peg if he wasn't actually four years old and if his 'mommy' didn't low key give him the creeps. Sukuna was pretty sure he wasn't the only person guilty of homicide currently at this playground.

"That's so cute," you cooed and Sukuna nodded along while he took you over to some picnic tables. Unfortunately one of them was already occupied.

"Aww if it isn't Sukuna. How nice it is to see your lovely face on a Saturday morning!"

"Gojo."

Sukuna was ready to leave it there but then the bastard got up and walked over. His partner continued sipping on a large cup of boba, watching from his seat although he gave you a little wave.

"Who is this, new girlfriend?" Gojo asked tilting down his sunglasses to look you up and down.

You laughed and introduced yourself while Megumi's parents did the same. Gojo grabbed your hand when you held it out and kissed the back of it, his lips curved into a smile even as he lingered, his fingers clearly holding onto where your pulse would be. Sukuna moved closer to you and put a hand around your waist, the gesture a clear sign for the other man to back off which Sukuna knew Gojo understood because the bitch fucking smiled at him.

Sukuna didn't necessarily take any of Gojo's flirtations seriously. He flirted with every mom and dad on the playground, including him when they first met. He'd even seen him flirt with the guy who worked the ice cream truck so egregiously the kid had looked on the verge of passing out. His partner never seemed bothered and Sukuna wondered if he was just that secure in the relationship or if he hoped someone would finally come along and get the annoying man away from him.

As usual though, Gojo lost interest quickly and went back to his husband who didn't say anything as Gojo lay across his lap like some kind of housecat.

"There are children here," Sukuna said. Mostly out of spite and not jealousy that the two of you weren't curled up like that.

"Don't be homophobic," Gojo said and you snorted before looking innocent when Sukuna shot you a look.

"Alright, let's go see what Yuuji's up to." Sukuna went along with your excuse, mostly just because he liked the feeling of your hand in his. The two of you wandered closer to the playground where Megumi and Yuuji were currently engaged in a game with some other kids that Sukuna couldn't have possibly guessed the subject of.

The kids alternated running around the large structure, disappearing into tunnels, jumping down to hide underneath slides and behind climbing walls. Every time Yuuji popped back up to view he would wave and call out to you both. Sukuna still felt a little warm whenever the kid called him dad and the look you gave him after made him feel caught.

"So, I can see why Yuuji was so sad those morning. Megumi's parents are just vicious monsters," you said and Sukuna was so taken aback he knew his expression didn't hide it well. You smiled and swung your hand that was still in his, turning so you could look at him.

"I don't think that's what the issue was," Sukuna managed and you nodded.

"Right, it must have been because he's so lonely," you said before the two of you were interrupted by the sound of children's ecstatic laughter. You both looked to where Yuuji was now being chased by an entire horde of children.

"I'm the curse, you have to catch me," he yelled out and the other children screamed and laughed as they tried to grab him. Yuuji had never had a hard time making friends and that was very evident in the way he got kids of all ages, even the quiet ones to join in on his game.

"You can have friends and still be lonely," Sukuna argued and you gave him just the softest look. It wasn't fair for you to see through his schemes and still look at him like that.

"Are you lonely, Sukuna?" You got closer to him, your hand still got in his and you were so warm. "Maybe I should come home with you, then?"

Sukuna couldn't have stopped himself from kissing you even if he wanted to, which he didn't. He let go of your hand so he could cup your face in both of his palms. You moaned your approval into his mouth and he responded by nipping your upper lip, pulling you up to meet him as he leaned down to kiss you. Sukuna was about to risk another arrest by taking you right here in the park before a familiar voice called out to the both of you.

"Hey now, there's children here."

Sukuna turned to give the infuriating dumbfuck a piece of his mind when you distracted him by pulling him back to you and giving him a quick peck on the lips. He could leave the fight with Gojo for another day, he supposed. He knew he'd win anyway.

You're smiling and you look so happy and Sukuna doesn't feel the least amount of guilt in getting you here. Even if you knew it was a trick.

Although.

Did this mean you knew that all those times he was "stuck at work" and needed someone to watch Yuuji were a lie too? Or that he actually could cook and the one time he set the building fire alarm off had been because he started an actual fire and not just him burning dinner and two of them didn't actually need you to invite them to dinner so much? Did you also know that your radiator hadn't just stopped working randomly but he had broke it, knowing you would call him because your super never answered, and when he said a part was still missing and you would just have to stay the night at his and Yuuji's place-

Sukuna looked at you more closely and you just kept smiling.

As Yuuji called for the two of you to come help him and Megumi on the swings, Sukuna wondered if he had ever trapped you, even once. Or if you had just let him catch you.

Watching you push Yuuji as the boy screamed for you to go "higher, higher!" he decided he didn't care. Fuck, it might just be better. Knowing you were maybe as crazy as he was.

shout out to the dad at the park today who had the audacity to play with his toddler and have a cute dog at the same time.

also I liked the end of this so much I may just write a prequel of Sukuna and reader taking turns gaslighting the other into a relationship, we'll see.

Edit: wrote the prequel, here!

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

[cl-0v3r]

Mel is alive, but at what cost

Mel was nearly killed TWICE, her mother began being a struggle, she'd been thrown aside and trying her best to stop her, her boyfriend is not doing well, neither is anyone else (can't blame them) and the fact that she hadn't cried or spoke much about this situation to anyone a single time?? She IS upset about every single thing, yet she stays strong and enduring every bit of torture. The most she did was tell Jayce that Ambessa put her palm on the table, and let him know that she is going to push for hextech. That's it, nothing remotely related to her feelings.

The fact that she was constantly looking at Caitlyn, being able to understand her grief and knew she was in pain?? Mel knows this feeling. She'd went through it.

And in the end SHE has to pay the price of her mothers incompetence.

The intro is very much foreshadowing, we know the hands represent black rose/LeBlanc.

This is what happens in act one, she gets kidnapped by them. The lyrics do correspond to the characters as well (not just Mel, everyone.)

"Tell you you're the greatest" plays as a petal of the black rose floats down the screen, I think it adds significance to the power this organization holds, possibly the Medardas greatest foe.

"But once you turn, they hate us" both Ambessa and Mel were present in this line, I think its foreshadowing for when Ambessa switches up for whatever reason and goes against both Piltover AND Zaun. And Mel WILL go through change as well, a change that could hurt her relationship with others, and receive interest from others too.

"They hate us" could be read individually too, I feel like its a sort of "realization" ?? Perhaps Ambessa WASN'T the one that switched up, maybe Piltover switched up on them, and maybe Mel JUST got out of wherever she's taken to, and saw the mess Ambessa had done to her city??

I think this represents ACT TWO.

The hands pull away and it sort of looks like Mel is fighting back, a "get away from me" type of scream. you know what this reminds me of??

Don't mind me just pushing my Jinx/powder-Mel parallel agenda

Here is when i think Mel truly learns about LeBlanc/BR, she curiously and slowly goes to grab the rose, she learns about the history between her Mother and them, Kinos death, and most of all, learns about HERSELF. The lyrics speak otherwise.

"Pray away, I swear

I'll never be a saint, no way"

This feels like a parallel to caitlyn of sorts if that makes sense. Caitlyn had done everything to try and stop the council from attacking the Undercity, she kept her mouth shut when Jayce asked about Jinxs grenade, she was willing to protect Vi and the undercity, but how many times has she been tossed around? She'd been burned, exploded, kidnapped (god knows what happened during that time) and hit in the face by the same person, her MOTHER died because of the same person. She has every right to go insane. And she is hunting ONE person, which is Jinx. Although she is harming the people around her along the way.

What if Mel goes through a similar situation? Her mother pushed for war in her city, she dragged the enemy along with her even if she didn't mean to, she manipulated everyone around her INCLUDING Jayce, she LITERALLY got Mel hurt from the chembarons attack and killed so many people during a MEMORIAL to get her hextech weapons, Elora is most likely DEAD, not to mention whatever happened in the past between them. And the thing is, this will NEVER end throughout the entire season.

And what if she learns what she is? That she's 'blessed' by Kindred? The fact that the wolf is quite literally in her blood?

I feel like the "ill never be a saint, no way" also sort of indicates Mel will realize she'll never be able to push for peace and mercy like she always hoped for no matter what, and she comes to accept that as much as it hurts. But not like how ambessa accepted the wolf, but she sort of realizes she needs to push a little violence, towards nobody but the one and only, Ambessa "fine, if you want me to be like you, I guess I'll be like you towards YOU." Type of acceptance.

I think its also related to Mels new outfit too, she's dressed like her mother, in red and all of that. I will still stand by the idea that she has plans to decieve, but she will do something she doesn't want to do.

Mel was left with no choice, that lyric sounds like realization, acceptance, but also like a plea at the same time, an "I'll never be who I wanted to be" because in the end, she's still a Medarda, she's still her mothers daughter, she still has violence in her veins, she will never not suffer from the weight her name holds, and she will never escape it either, its like a shadow.

The Characters won't be themselves at their core this season. And those vital parts of their characters that represent them are no longer there in the intro, they all have given up what makes them, THEM design wise. (e.g.) Vi without her tattoo, Viktor hiding his identity with the mask. And the thing is, they did that to themselves because they do self-harm, they're changing themselves because THEY want to, they're forcing themselves to do that, they think they're undeserving and they're erasing their past selves.

But Mel? Mel doesn't have her gold accessories, Jewelry, or her Armor, she'd been stripped bare and hidden away because of the brutality of her name. She pays the price her mother brought to HER city. She's forced to change herself against her will, because nobody is giving her a chance to push for her ideals.

This entire theory never ends, and with all of this? I kinda do see Mel actually committing Matricide, it lifts the "Ambessa will die" theory further.