#i feel like venting about this that comes to mind semi-regularly

[ama-the-weeb]

thinking about vocaloid and then i remembered someone in a comments section on yt about vocaloid ships said "dont ship miku x luka bc its proship!1!" and im still losing braincells over that even though its been months.

for the last time guys. VOCALOID AGES DONT FUCKING MATTER!! THEY ARE LITERALLY JUST MEANT TO BE CHARACTER ACTORS FOR YOUR STORIES OR VOICES FOR YOUR SONGS.

of course i feel icky when people ship vocaloids like oliver and kaai yuki bc theyre voiced by children, but to each their own

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, real talk, I feel like people largely do not understand just how much characters within those who are maladaptive daydreamers and/or were maladaptive daydreamers literally are "parts of them" and how both healing and destructive that dynamic can be and I find that a bit visible with how people in DID communities talk about maladaptive daydreaming as a "form of plurality"

Its an absolutely different experience but that doesn't mean that the label of "plural" isn't equally suitable. Since that topic has come up on our radar like way back half a year or year ago, we honestly have been thinking about it as someone who is considered "recovered" from DID and has recovered from maladaptive daydreaming but still has a brain that functions creativity and imaginative worlds with the same semi-autonomous functions whether I like it or not

And honestly? My characters are very much not "my creation", nor are they "just my OCs" - the very way all of my character are made and at this point the only way I know how to write and make characters is by taking a part or aspect of myself (conscious or subconscious) and throwing it out there with a name and face. That part of myself engages with the world I created and develops within the narrative and impacts the world itself.

I repeat and do this for all my characters and the world that I have created serves as a hypothetical exploratory way to understand, engage with, and explore very complex topics with exaggerated and isolated parts of myself. I have never really "planned" a character of given them traits or really anything other than a basic premise of a name, MAYBE a gender, and a vague role and I let them define their own story. No real character arc planning. No real likes and dislikes. No real narrative or secret message.

The function and means of which that I "created" these OCs and the level of which I don't control the way they form and grow is extremely similar to how I "create" alters, albeit one is far more voluntary and intentional than the other and one is physically sharing my life with me and the other is sharing a mental world with me.

((Additionally I don't engage in the mental world I made for them beyond the half joke that I'm the god of the gods of that world and they dont know))

The dynamics I have with my characters is WAY WAY WAY different than my parts / alters but BOTH my characters (maladaptive daydreaming) and my alters (DID) are equally fair to call "parts of me" and "parts of a whole" in a very literal not "Oh yeah Im a writer and this character means a lot to me theyre a part of me"

With my writing partner (who does this as well) we regularly use our characters as well to explain what we are going through / how we are feeling to help facilitate real talk and venting a lot because we have a mutual understanding that while this is a story and these are our characters, both of us have "built" this world by literally giving very specific aspects of ourselves the ability to explore, grow, and learn in a world and that while some have grown SO far from who we are now, they represent an aspect and potential part of us that could have been should something have gone one way in a specifically extreme way in a specific environment.

With that in mind, I absolutely feel its fair to compare DID and MaDD "plurality" with some obvious understanding that while there are similarities they are also different (AND THATS OK).

Cause honestly? If I actually talked to my characters (like a lot of people with MaDD tend to do) I could see myself calling and feeling as though they were a system and I don't think it would be all that inaccurate and wrong. I don't have that experience as my MADD and DID are mostly entirely two seperate dissociative coping mechanisms, but I know for a fact the line between the two is a lot less clear and its just food for thought

-----------------

[SYSCOURSE AND DEBATE WILL BE BLOCKED.]

[Good faith conversation and discussion is WELCOMED and ENCOURAGED.]

[If you don't know the difference, don't add on.]

[sakumasmut]

I wish I had horny thoughts to share, but the head is just full of soft Himeru. Both him being soft and being soft with him. Also the fact that his hair must be super soft. I wanna run my fingers through it so bad. Watch him get so sleepy from a bit of physical affection. Dozing off soundly right then and there. From tense to completely boneless in seconds. Good luck getting him to move. But why move at all? Stay on the couch... or bed... snooze a little too. Might as well when used as a pillow by the pile of vaguely human-shaped goo. There's no going anywhere anyway... because no way you'd ever have the heart to wake him, right?

Also (because this is a smut blog after all lol): sleepy sex best sex, I will die on this hill. It'd be really hard to convince him not to get up early (or would it really? If he doesn't have any urgent work... the protest is little more than keeping up appearances...) but once you do? No one is moving - at least not to get up - anytime soon. The sort of day where being awake and asleep blur into one, much like the lines between your bodies blur when he lazily grinds into you... or just cockwarming... spooning... the good stuff.

Semi-related other way of making him relax and melt? Peg him. I wrote half a novel on that for a reason. It needs to happen. He deserves it.

An oddly specific scenario (maybe one day to be written properly) lives rent free in my head about him just coming home exhausted, but the kind of exhaustion and stress that lingers and won't allow him to relax at all. If he feels like it, he gets to vent, whether it's actual verbal complaints or just him sounding generally disgruntled lol But while that helps (as does the aforementioned playing with his hair or giving him a much deserved backrub) instead of passing out with his head resting on your thighs like he usually would from that alone, it's clear the situation calls for more drastic measures. Cue the strap. Maybe he doesn't ask outright, maybe he doesn't even know how badly he needs it himself, but when a completely unintentional touch on his butt (Can't skimp on that! It's part of the back, so it gets rubbed. It's only right. Doesn't matter that he's flat as a board...) provokes such a sweet (not at all a reason to be embarrassed, Meru!) reaction, how could you not? I don't think him the type to be overly inclined to sub regularly, but after a day like that? No thinking for Himeru please and thank you. And just handing over the reins to be fucked silly is certainly the nicest way to ensure that. It's fine to manhandle and order him around a little, he's happy to do as he's told. But make sure to reward him plenty. He works so hard. Better appreciate him.

Lmao okay, never mind. This did end up horny after all. Mission accomplished.

I did contemplate whether to sign off with the emoji I still have claimed since you asked for a sign of life from your anons, but I feel like after this ramble you as well as anyone who's spent more than 5 minutes on the smut side of the enstars x reader fandom knows who wrote this anyway lmao

- @deepersea

I’d be surprised if his hair wasn’t soft to the touch, he’s got a whole makeup and skincare routine, so fancy shampoo and conditioner seem like they’re hand in hand. Definitely something you wanna run your fingers through rather than ruffle up.

Sleepy sex!! always good!! I do think meru isn’t the type to stay in bed too long in the morning, even when he has no work he has a sleep schedule to maintain. but a bit of lazy grinding won’t do any harm, maybe it’ll even wake him up. if you reaaaaally insist on clinging to him, he’s not against sleeping with his cock inside you, pulling you close so that he wakes up to your body warmth embracing him in the best way. though trying to pull out without you noticing is a whole separate thing, maybe it’d be better to wake you up with some thrusting instead…

I fully agree with you when you say pegging could fix some of himeru’s problems. getting him to be vulnerable is hard, but I’d assume if you’re already in a relationship with him he’s got lots of trust in his partner. so, if they want to help him relax, after a stressful day, he’s not going to decline. I imagine during foreplay you can run a finger down his spine and get lovely shudders if not moans from him, so while you’re pegging him, stroking his cock and rubbing circles along his lower back, you’ll probably have him cumming in seconds.

and let me know if you still wanna keep the sign off! I usually delete them if the owner reveals themselves like with crow

[asterekmess]

A Bit of a Conundrum

I've been waffling about this for a long time, and as I've already vented about it to my discord, I wanted to open it up to a possibly larger audience of my readers. And also complain about it more. XD I write. A lot. I have. A LOT of writing. We're talking like more than 2 dozen wips sitting in my google docs, some with 14k, some with 114k words in them. Some with a specific ending in mind, some with no plot beyond what's already written. Fuck dude, some aren't even Sterek/TW! I was fortunate enough to have someone go on my ko-fi and do a monthly donation to me for a few months. They stopped, which I'll never be mad at, but having them there at all, having someone say "I'd like to support your writing just for the sake of supporting it" meant a huge amount to me, and it made me think about all of my wips.

I don't post often, or regularly, or..well at all, for months and months at a time. This is because I almost only ever post fics when they're done. it's a personal rule of mine, and not one I used to follow when i first started writing fic. It's one I came up with shortly after finishing "Wanted" bc I felt terrible and pressured when I had to take breaks during that fic and when I couldn't keep up with a regular schedule for people. And for a long time it was a good rule for me. It helped me not to feel pressured or overwhelmed by the worry of abandoning a project on ao3 and getting bombarded with comments asking where the next chapter is. But as I've continued writing over the years, my wips have gotten more numerous, while my posted work continues to trickle in. I'm a chronic long-fic writer (though my currently posted fics don't reflect that), which means it takes way more time for me to finish a fic than it does for me to get distracted coming up with a NEW idea for a fic. It's hard to finish work. But that doesn't mean I don't love my wips. They're incredible. Some of them contain some of the best stuff I feel I've ever written. Poignant words and phrases and meaningful moments. And looking around at them, I realized that anyone who goes to support me on my ko-fi, or considers following me on Ao3, or even just subscribes to a series, isn't really getting to see what I"m actually doing. They see a fic posted every 9 months, or every year. There's no real indication that anything they do is helping me regularly, that they're even supporting a Current Active writer. In light of that, I've been considering starting to post wips of mine. The problems with that are numerous and a bit overwhelming, hence wanting to hear others' opinions and vent about it ad nauseum. I've got lots of wips, and if I were to start posting them, I wouldn't want to toss the whole wip out at once. But posting a chapter at a time every few days or even once a week, while it would mean a lot of content coming out, it would be a lot of content that I haven't finished. Cliffhanger chapters, and unfinished stories that I can't promise would ever be finished. And I know I don't owe my readers anything, but it's still unsatisfying to post something without an ending. Then there's the absolute overload of possibly too Much content for people. Getting an e-mail every other day about a new chapter for a fic you've no interest in reading isn't fun. And on top of all that, is the editing. Often when I'm struggling with a fic, I find that i need to go back and change the beginning. In honesty, part of why I wait to post until I'm finished with fics is bc semi-regularly I'll get to the end of a fic, go back to the beginning and edit it all over again to make it more cohesive. To me there is no such thing as a 'finished' chapter. only a finished fic. If I posted as I wrote, then I'd either not be able to go back and edit chapters, or if I DID go back and edit my chapters, they would then need updated, and people who'd read the first 4 chapters of something would end up needing to reread the fic to get the full sense of what I'm doing. But at the same time, posting my wips would mean finally getting to share some stuff that's been gathering dust for years in some cases, finally getting to see people's reactions to them. Finally getting to know that even if I don't end up finishing it, at least people can enjoy what's already been written. And of course, finally getting to show people that when they support me through donations or comments or what-have-you, they're supporting an Active writer, supporting work being made every day, even if it's not FINISHED every day. All of these things are stuff I'm trying to take into consideration, and it's been a hell of a struggle. Plus, as I'm unfortunately trying to manage doing a part-time job rn, just getting up the energy for this stuff is a big BIG task.

If you've got any thoughts or strategic ideas, I'd love to hear them. If not, s'all good, I mostly just wanted to vent. XD

[golbrocklovely]

You're very stubborn too, i noticed. You have your opinions and no matter what people tell you they're not going to change your mind. Your replies often seem very dry and cut because you want to be nice but at the same time no matter what people say you see things the way you see things and will not be persuaded otherwise. You answer asks because you dont want a bunch of unanswered asks in your inbox but in reality you dont care about a lot of the stuff that gets sent in because you already have your mind set.

This is not an attack just an observation.

i mean... you're not wrong lol

i know i'm stubborn and i have my beliefs set on certain things and people. but i don't see that as a problem because i believe everyone can be stubborn about something.

we all have our set opinions about things. we all have "unpopular opinions" too.

for example, guacamole is gross. salsa is superior. you cannot tell me otherwise.

but to get back onto what you were saying...

i have my ask box open and on anon because i want ppl to come on here and vent their frustrations about whatever fanbase they are in. that's why i get asks about fanbases i've either never heard of or don't have opinions on.

i know what it's like to go against the grain when it comes to fandom opinions and thus feel like you can't say what you want to because you know you're gonna get hate. no one deserves that. even ppl who i fully disagree with that come on here and send in an ask, i'm never gonna be mean to them. i will be cut and dry, but i won't be rude.

that being said, there are certain situations that happen that i just, full-heartedly and transparently, don't have opinions on. it could be because i don't know the situation that well and are only going off of what the person sent in, or it could be that i don't know the influencer that well, and thus can't tell if this is a pattern to watch out for or just a one-off time they weren't at their best.

because that's how i feel for most influencers; not all, but most. we get a miniscule look into any influencers' lives on the semi-regular. there are gonna be times when they don't act at their best. there are gonna be times when they fuck up and do something wrong. does that give us the right to full on hate them now because of one fuck up? it depends on whether or not that fuck up was terrible and unforgivable, or just a random everyday-type of fuck up.

you wouldn't want ppl to hate you for one screw up, right?

let me use the example of tara and the previous asks i've been getting about what she did on jc's stream, since this has been the only time i've ever fully said 'i don't care about this situation'. now, i have a generally positive outlook towards tara. i like her content. i don't watch it that regularly to call myself a fan, but i do like it. i also like her relationship with jake, and i think overall i like her and her personality. that being said, from what i've been told about what she did on jc's stream, do i like what she did? no. cursing out his chat and maybe being overdramatic wasn't the best thing for her to do. if i was in her shoes, i wouldn't have played the game in the first place, but that doesn't matter. she knew what the game was and then didn't want to play it, but wanted the benefits. i get how that could upset someone.

do i now have a negative opinion about her because, to put it bluntly, she was a sore loser and stubborn? no. i still like her. what she did was forgivable. it's a one off time of her not being nice. i'm not gonna hate her now because of it. i also don't see these things as negative because i am these things as well lol

not to mention, i haven't even seen the stream. so yall could be full on lying to me (i don't think you are, but it's always a possibility). and because i know how good of a person she is, or at least i believe her to be, i'm not gonna change my opinion of her. if she acted like this all the time, then i would consider not being so positive towards her. but, that's not the case.

and also, because i'm not a huge fan of her, i don't care how she acted. i care that you guys are upset at what she did. i feel for you. that doesn't now mean i have to hate her. what she did didn't negatively effect me, and thus i don't have a full emotional opinion about it.

but if you do, you're allowed to feel that way. even if you didn't see the stream, don't know who she is, whatever the circumstance, you're allowed to be upset at her and now dislike her. i'm not saying you can't. i'm just saying because i don't care about the situation that much, i'm not gonna change my opinion about her.

i wanna make this clear that i don't really hate anyone that snc associates with, besides elton and brennen. those are the only two i dislike. but everyone else, i have positive feelings towards. that being said, i'm not a fan of them. i don't mean that negatively, i just mean i don't watch their content, don't follow, and don't really know anything about them. when you guys send in asks about these ppl that are negative/them doing something to upset you, i feel for you. i'm upset that you're upset. that's why i usually tell ppl that if an influencer is pissing you off at every turn, cut the tie. stop following them.

but unless the person did something morally corrupt or just super wrong imo, i'm not gonna hate them or change my feelings towards them.

have you ever looked at a gossip magazine cover and read the headlines and didn't have reaction towards any of them? that's how i feel for a lot of things influencers do.

if that makes me stubborn, so be it.

[pepperful-qt]

hii i saw the what type of people they crush on can you write one with semi✨

oooh I'm glad you liked it!! I love doing this and I love semi 💘 so yes let's go

☆ Semi Eita: Ideal Type ☆

what he first notices physically: voice (the tone & timbre, articulation & emphasis. easy on the ears?) and eyes (their color, softness/sharpness, where they look & if it seems like there’s something deeper)

he needs a hook, something that piques and keeps his interest

he also likes a challenge. this means many things, but what it all comes down to is not being boring. he likes a little mystery and unpredictability

maybe they’re a fun flirt or play hard to get, or they say something or reveal something unexpected about themselves that gives a taste of something under the surface, or he’ll discover they listen to an artist he likes or they like volleyball, which immediately catches his attention

an active mind

okay i don’t mean this in a bad way, but he canonically likes attention and appreciation (i mean, don’t we all?)

SO someone that dotes on him or flirts with him openly and compliments him etc etc will endear that person to him (even if he gets a lil flustered).  more often than not though they’ll remain as shallow feelings even if he convinces himself otherwise,, it gets his heart in trouble

that being said, someone overbearing or in his face about it will grate on him eventually

(quick side note: i believe Semi is someone that commits his whole self to a relationship, and only enters one if he’s sure of his feelings. flings happen, probably often, but he doesn’t lead people on if he doesn’t feel the spark. when he's in love, he won't let it go easily. all or nothing lover <3)

however !! it applies to smaller acts and affirmations as well. ex: checking in on him casually and regularly, complimenting him when he does well (or comfort when he doesn’t. he appreciates genuineness and sincerity), asking his opinions, and showing interest in his passions

basically, they make him feel seen and understood, and enough when he’s around them    

when they remember his picky starbucks order or send him a good luck text before the exam he told them he was nervous about a few days ago his heart will melt 

not to mention if they brought the coffee to him when he was studying for such an exam, oof

he’s a incredibly passionate person himself so someone that matches that passion is good, and someone that can understand that and ground him is even better (what he doesn’t like is apathy an aloofness. ew gtfo with your lukewarm opinions and responses)

he’s the type to easily burn himself out. stubborn af and doesn’t like admitting he’s wrong

keeping him in check and showing concern while also being supportive means a lot to him. it’s a special kind of attention and care and it’s the kind of thing that will make him question the nature of their friendship and his own feelings if they’re not in a relationship already (the “oh shit what are we, do they just care about me as a friend or is it something more” thing)

someone who can make him smile and laugh with seemingly no effort.. he doesn’t even realize it but he’s got RBF please he’ll get wrinkles

tbh this goes for any emotion, he loves feeling something

someone he can talk to for hours and not get bored. he’ll find himself on the phone with them at 3am and it’ll feel like no time at all

likewise, they would be a good listener. he has a lot going on in his head and he needs to vent sometimes. he’ll feel like he can tell them anything. a safe space <3

they made him play guitar for them when he said he could, and he kept getting flustered and he kept messing up which made it worse (they chuckle and say “keep going!” fic idea hello)

appreciates a straightforward attitude 

someone that gets excited at the smallest things. they’ll point out the pretty flowers outside the cafe, gasp when they see the stars at night, and text him when they get a new set of colored pens

on that note, he treasures sentimentality. he doesn’t expect it, but when someone shows a bit of vulnerability or opens up to him, even a little, it touches his heart and feels very special. those moments stay with him

they may blush or get flustered when they reveal a passion of theirs, embarrassed but unable to suppress the excited twinkle in their eye. he eats that shit up 

someone who takes his breath away <3

they make up some inside jokes. drives others insane and he feels smug about it (even tendou isn’t in the know~)

he’d go for someone artsy inclined, even if it’s just in their hobbies. a spark of creativity goes a long way 

shared music taste?? yes please <3

and, this almost goes without saying, but someone that inspires him. they become a permanent part of his world, and at that point it’s just a hop-skip-jump to being head over heels <3

taglist: @laceymorganwrites

[indig0tea]

Final 2020 Update: 2021 Goals!!

Cross posting from my devART

Also links to all my alts and shit will be at the end of the post if you need them!

So some of these may be unrealistic due to my struggles with ADHD/Depression Combo but. I wanted to get these down somewhere so you guys can see them and be aware..

Please note, my executive functioning abilities are absolutely Butchered on the regular by my ADHD alone, and the various stressors of 2020 have absolutely taken anything else I might have had in that department and tossed it out the window.

Something something something, financial stressors outside of my control sends me into shut down mode and I can't do anything productive or even fun until it's handled, but because I'm not doing anything productive, I'm not making any money, and the stressors gets worse and worse and it just ends up in a horrible cycle where I constantly want to die because I'm not able to create anything to relieve the stress! Which is why you've all seen... pretty much a standstill on my productivity save one or two pieces a month if I'm lucky

That said, I'm going to start trying (hopefully with some outside help/accountability to keep me on track while I'm unmedicated) to put a system in place that doesn't make me constantly want to die while like. maybe actually getting stuff done! So I'm making some optimistic goals for 2021 regarding both my art and ability to make money, so here goes!

I'm breaking this down into 3 parts:

Changes to expect regarding my social media, commissions in general, posting, etc;

Overall Goals for 2021;

and Goals for January specifically.

Changes to expect going forward from here:

I'm going to be making some changes regarding my social media accounts, including this one, mostly concerning when, where, and how I'm posting.

I am also going to be making some changes to my commission policies, prices, and payments in the coming year, namely:

Lastly, I will be making some changes to my art discord server!

Moving forward, I am going to be MOST active on my twitter and tumblr accounts. They're just easier for me to maintain in general, and although I hate twitter's formatting, it's just easier and faster, and frankly after deviantART and Instagram fucked with their websites/algorithms, it just makes the most sense for me as an artist.

I'm also going to be making an effort to make scheduled cross-posts on all my accounts. In the past, I've been really irregular about when and where I post things (most things got posted to my old tumblr account but never here, i rarely remember to post to instagram, etc).

This is going to include commission slots, finished piece dumps, etc.

I will also be making an effort to semi-regularly post sketch dumps, both digitial and traditional. I am also considering at this time offering a monthly digital download of my sketch collections, though I am undecided as I'm not really sure how many people would be interested.

Increasing commissions prices to reflect time spent working on specific commission types, as well as my personal cost of living.

Planning and announcing commission slots in advance.

Taking and finishing regular commissions to cover living expenses on a monthly basis

Payments will be exclusively through paypal invoice, and will be broken up in halves: first half will be taken up front after I have started and given proof of start (base sketch), the second half will be paid after completion, with WIPS given between first and second payment. Fully completed art will be given after receipt of second half. This is both for my personal protection as an artist, as well as for the comfort of the commissioner as my completion time can sometimes be long due to my ADHD/executive dysfunction.

Moving forward into 2020, my discord will be SFW, but 18+ only. This is a personal comfort thing. I'm 25 years old now, and just really don't want to spend time hanging out with teenagers.

I'm also going to start trying to schedule art streams again! Since this is the only place I can live stream due to my art computer's limitations, it just makes sense to like. Schedule them so more people are able to attend. I haven't decided exactly how that's going to look, but once I have I'm going to make an announcement and formatting guide somewhere for people to see so they can make an informed decision about joining the server.

I will also be regularly posting in the server again. This may or may not be cross posts from twitter and such, we'll see, but I DO plan on being more active there since it's been kind of dead.

I may also reformat the whole server again. We'll see!

Goals for 2021

Regular Adopt Sets -- 2-3 per month. Size, price, and number in set will be decided on case by case basis.

I'll be doing a monthly prompt for myself as well. This is just to get me back in the habit of creating things I like for myself to just feel... less bad about my art in general, and about making art. Also it'll be good for my artistic development i think?

Keeping a monthly sketchbook for warm-ups and in-between pieces. May be offered as a paid download at the end of the month, we'll see.

Might start a patreon? This is EXTREMELY dependent on what my userbase looks like. Tiers and rewards to be decided at a later date

Regular traditional sketches + scan and upload of said sketches. May also be offered in the monthly sketchbook.

Draw more self portraits & self-expression pieces! I don't know if any of yall realize how repressed I've been in the last year without therapy, and I did't either until I forced myself to pursue a vent piece earlier this month, and then felt immensely better afterward so. Going to start doing that! Maybe I'll feel better weee

Regular posting to social media! (see changes above)

Drawing less fantrolls bc I'm just bleh about them lately, drawing more original content!

Drawing fancontent that ISN'T homestuck? We'll see but I'd like to. I don't usually draw fan art bc like. Idk in my mind I don't feel like my interpretation of things is important or cool and I think thats a confidence thing and I'd like to change that so! I'm gonna start making more fan content.

Draw more full illustrations & backgrounds in general because I actually enjoy doing them it turns out?

Practice painting more !! Both traditionally and digitally....

Goals for January 2021

Finish at LEAST 1/4 of my art queue. I'm shooting for half, really, because fully completing it might actually kill me but! We'll see! Maybe I'll surprise myself. But I'm setting the goal low to keep my mental health problems in mind.

Finish and release the base set i've been working on, on and off. It's an homage to  the old pixel doll days of 2009-2012, and the full sheet will be free to use (with stipulations, as I have some people blocked that I don't want using it). BUT! There will also be a mix and match .psd that will be pay to use (it'll be pay to use a, bc it'll be huge, and b, bc the edits to make it mix and match results in like 6 seperate bases in general so.... yeah. pay to use)

Finish the pay-to-use base pack i started in june (i may scrap and restart though, we'll see)

Possibly release all old p2u bases of mine in one pack on gumroad? price tbd but it will include old iterations as well as unreleased remakes.

Making some dainty-specific bases! One will be f2u, one will be p2u.

I have a whole dainty YCH set for january! I just have to finish the example... (:

Perhaps I'll be announcing a collaborative project later in the month! It depends on where each of us are at, at the time! We'll see! (: You should be excited though! It'll be a ton of fun!

EXTERNAL LINKS

Instagram

Twitter

Tumblr

deviantART

Discord server

[fanfic-inator795]

Headcanons and thoughts about Warren and Hypno/Hippoworm (is that the ship name? *shrugs*)

I had a LOT of shipping thoughts about these two while at work today, so I hope you guys like hearing about them:

Because of getting his mezmeroo attack redirected back at him, Hypno doesn’t remember his and Warren’s first meeting. Though if someone told him about it - and about Warren ruining his plan - he honestly wouldn’t hold THAT big of a grudge over it, just because he can’t remember enough to be upset and it’s so far in the past now it doesn’t even seem to matter

Given that they didn’t interact much in ‘Stuck on You’, Hypno doesn’t remember that meeting either. Literally his first impression of this strange worm man is him literally dragging a chair into the ELoM meeting and then straight up zapping a hotel worker. So… pretty good first impression

Warren on the other hand, who does remember their first meeting, was not at all impressed with Hypno at first and just considered him to be a sub-standard villain at best. (he’s kinda jelly of just how big and tall he got to be thanks to his mutation though)

A few days after ‘Evil League of Mutants’/getting blasted off again by a turtle with a ladder, Hypno runs into a rather down and depressed looking Warren who’s just wandering around alone. Not knowing him very well though liking him well enough, Hypno stops him and invites him back to his place for tea

(the semi-flashback during Warren’s big speech in WaHSiaT, the bit where Hypno pulls the paper off a sad Warren with a five o’clock shadow is a dramatization of this. Gotta make it sadder to pull on the heartstrings, lol. Also where was his gauntlet in that scene?)

The two start hanging out regularly after that, mostly just talking or watching tv together - which is where they get their love of making fun of people on tv together

Warren also really appreciates Hypno’s genuine kindness and gentleness - and the fact that he doesn’t forget who he is, heh

He tries to be nice to Hypno in return because of this, even if he sometimes still talks a bit too much about himself at times. Hypno doesn’t mind too much

The point where they first open up to each other - Hypno revealing how he lost his hippo Doug and Warren being genuine about just how much being forgotten and losing his career hurt - is the big turning point in their relationship.

Are we ever gonna learn what happened to Doug, btw? Like, seriously what’s the story there? and while we’re at it why does Warren hate the turtles so much? 

Hypno: “We may have lost a lot through all this… But, hey, we found each other, right? So, maybe it’s not all bad.” Warren decides that he agrees.

He moves into Hypno’s place shortly after

Originally Warren agreed to be Hypno’s magical assistant just to try and get his face back out there and earn some fans, but eventually found that he also liked helping Hypno and making him happy

Warren just naturally sits on Hypno’s shoulder or head when they watch tv, Hypno not minding at all (besides, makes it easier to cuddle)

their fave gameshows to watch (and make fun of) are Wheel of Fortune, The Price is Right and America’s Got Talent (Hypno likes making fun of the bad magic acts, and when the acts are amazing Warren will tell him they’re not NEARLY as amazing as him)

When Warren has a bad day, Hypno will wash/condition his hair and give him a scalp massage, letting his roomie vent all he wants while Hypno scrubs his troubles away

When Hypno has a bad day, Warren will get him fresh fruit, something Hypno’s loved ever since his mutation

On one occasion: “Kiwis for my favorite kiwi!” “…*sigh* You just couldn’t resist, eh?” “Nope!” 

Warren also gets Hypno flowers sometimes, since Hypno really seems to like them

Hypno may or may not be keeping the first bouquet Warren ever bought him - yellow tipped with red roses - alive with magic

Trying to be as proper and dignified as possible, Hypno almost never curses - which means Warren totally teases him whenever he lets a ‘bugger’ or a ‘god dammit’ slip

Warren on the other hand couldn’t care less about swears. He doesn’t swear every other sentence or anything - I’d imagine it would be hard to get a job in television if that were the case - but if he’s really worked up or angry he won’t try to censor himself

For the first few weeks of their relationship, Google was Warren’s best friend. Now, Warren knows (almost) every New Zealand phrase there is

Going off his ‘my golden voiced amigo’ line, Hypno loves listening to Warren sing to himself whenever he’s in the shower (technically the bathroom sink since he’d just end up getting washed down the shower drain but w/e)

This also means that karaoke nights between the two of them are frequent

Their first Big Fight was over Hypno’s doves continuing to try and eat Warren and Warren nearly zapping their feathers off. 

It wasn’t bad enough to break them up, but Warren was all pissy and purposely annoying the rest of that day while Hypno just gave him the cold shoulder

After a day of this they got lonely and missed each other, so they apologized to each other and Hypno spent the rest of that week diligently training his doves

Hypno’s rabbits, on the other hand, Warren doesn’t mind at all, and if one is out and hopping about and Hypno isn’t there, Warren will usually pet it/curl up on it

Warren’s a naturally fairly neat and tidy person, so he doesn’t mind too much when Hypno skips out on his side of the chores, even if he’s still slightly annoyed

to make up for this, Hypno does most of the cooking around the place and always has a cup of coffee or tea waiting for his roomie/best friend/boyfriend

When they first realized Warren and the Gauntlet were being hunted down by Draxum, Warren tried to leave, genuinely worried about Hypno’s safety even if he tried to play it off at first

Hypno refuses. “I can’t lose you too!”

This is the first time they tell each other they love each other (with how naturally Warren said it in WaHSiaT, that couldn’t have been the first time)

Warren fell into a depressive state after losing ‘Charlotte’. Hypno comforted him the best he could, but after a couple days passing with nothing changing, Hypno thought that maybe Warren was mad at him for the role he played in losing the gauntlet. So, Hypno spent the whole day and a good part of the night out of the apartment, figuring he should just give Warren some space

This led to him coming back and finding Warren in the middle of a complete and total emotional breakdown

He’s sad and angry about losing his cool power glove, but even moreso, he’s afraid that without it not only is he weak, but he’s truly forgettable and useless - even to the people he loves most and who love him. His Channel 6 co-workers forgot about him, why wouldn’t Hypno eventually?

This led to LOTS of apologizing/comforting/reassuring/hugs and kisses on Hypno’s part, with Warren eventually crying himself out on Hypno’s shoulder and the two of the sleeping on the couch together

After going back to Clem’s and not finding another magic artifact that feels as ‘right’ as the gauntlet did and discovering that a simple handgun would send him through a freaking wall on recoil, Warren decided to just have a taser on him as his new weapon. At least a taser is similar enough to a lightning-shooting gauntlet. He names it Charlotte the 2nd.

Hypno also uses his magic to shrink down a couple of his razor rings to give to Warren. Even if Warren can’t control their aim with magic, they still cause a decent amount of damage to an enemy with a hard enough throw.

Despite practically being together since Warren moved in, when the two of them officially decide to go from best friends to boyfriends they end up inviting all their old ELoM mates over to celebrate and announce the good news (minus Draxum, naturally). Todd and the Sando Brothers are happy for them, Repo could care less, and Meatsweats says congrats but is mostly just trying to figure out how to get Warren alone so he can maybe get a taste of his regeneration powers

He gets smacked on the snout with Hypno’s wand and nearly takes a razor ring to his face for his troubles.

Hypno still tries to help Warren with his plans whenever he’s a particular ‘revenge against those dang turtles’ mood and Warren will assist when Hypno has a scheme of his own, but mostly the two of them keep each other satisfied enough that they spend most of their time hanging out, watching tv and practicing magic (and cuddling/kissing) together

PHEW! Like I said, I had a lot. BUT I hope you guys liked it! ^v^ btw, I may turn that whole emotional breakdown bit into a Hippoworm oneshot, but if any hardcore Warren and Hypno shippers wanna steal that idea, go for it! *thumbs up* ^v^

[purposefully-lost]

So how would Jonah respond to getting more comfortable with Henry then? Seeing that he's made of guilt VHNCHNCHvhbvh Would that make him panic? Or would he just try to suppress/ignore it? ALSO ON A DIFFERENT NOTE- Does he know anything about his devil blood at all? Does it do anything else to him other than the sight?

// He’d be very torn!! On one hand,, he’s already done so much wrong, what’s one more thing, but on the other hand, he wouldn’t want to bring Henry into some kind of relationship that he himself already views as a mistake. It’d feel like a lose-lose situation; break someone’s heart and lose a friend, or not do those things but always feel incredibly guilty over it. 

I think he’d try to suppress it, but eventually it’d,, weigh a little too heavy. He’d make himself confront Henry over it and be honest. 

And,,,, listen,,,,,,,,,, this led me to the vague idea of Jonah bringing up the things he’d lied about in sort of an emotional vent in a semi-public setting?? Like if he finally confronted Henry but it was where other people might hear?? I think he’d have admitted to those things to Henry before that point so it wouldnt be a surprise,, but someone else overhears what he says and starts spreading rumors and well,, you know small towns,,,,,,,, 

BUT his devil blood!! He’s got.. no idea. The last person in his family who probably knew anything of it was his grandmother, and she chose to never tell him. His great-grandfather was the last one to have it manifest in any way before Jonah, and... well, it led to him being extremely unlucky and ending up in some dark places. She doesn’t want that for Jonah, so she lies; she tells Jonah’s parents when he first says he saw something that it must be some childish fantasy, and tells Jonah in secret that it’s a blessing. It’s at this same time that she convinces Jonah and his father to join her at church regularly, in hopes that a good environment will keep him clean. 

She died when he was around 10 and the attending-church thing stopped. As a teenager, he actively tried to use the Sight, but it scared him just how vivid it could get. He found that, for a time, he could do more than just catch a glimpse of a random moment from some other person; he could find something specific, he could catch exactly what memories or emotions he wanted to as if he lived or felt them himself. As he got older, he came to think of it as a curse, and.. that’s kinda how he refers to it himself. He suspects now that his grandmother may have known more than she let on, but there’s nothing left of her’s that can tell him anything more.

the Sight gets stronger as he grows older, with him not exactly needing to persuade it for it to simply happen. It doesn’t take much anymore for him to dig in and get more detail if he wants to, though he rarely wants to. It’s like.. if he meets eyes with someone and catches a glimpse off them, he usually immediately tries to pull away or shock himself out of it. It’s almost like dreaming, but if he doesn’t immediately get out of it he has to experience it in full. The more he knows someone or the more openly they show their emotion, the more vivid it can be. 

His devil blood doesn’t give him much apart from the sight. He’s maybe.. eight or nine generations down from when it originally entered their family. It’s why his family has a very odd, distorted, and convoluted history if anyone ever really tried to dig into it; disappearances, young deaths, unexplained or seemingly unprompted acts of violence. He himself doesn’t know that- his grandmother hid or burned a lot of old records to hide it. The only other thing about it is that he’s inexplicably drawn to places with bad luck and bad history. He’s not much driven by curiosity, but when something strange or dark comes around, he finds himself almost morbidly curious. He was on the fence about staying at the church his first month or so there, but the moment he was told about the murder, his mind was made up. Stuff like that. He kind of feels disgusted by it- adding to his already several layers of guilt- but he can’t help it. He’s attracted to dark things and dark things can sometimes be attracted to him. 

[dayseternal-blog]

A NaruHina fanfic based off of shamy’s doujinshi posted May 31, 2019.  Please check out her 5-panel illustration!

Read Chapter 1 here.

Read Chapter 2 here.

Chapter 3: Better than J-dramas

She was looking at me a lot, right?  

He slumps down into his couch at home, pondering the girl he just met.  

It could just be that she was shy, knew him the best, and so she felt more comfortable turning to him during their lunch break.  

Or, it could be his imagination, his ego, talking.  But he doesn’t want to be one of those guys, who thinks that every time a girl smiles at him, that means she’s into him.

Or…

He tilts his head in thought.  Maybe she liked me a little?

True, they just met, but he’s a pretty attractive guy, right?  He knows he’s not ugly, maybe not a 10, but not like a 3, either.  He works out regularly, and in his own, awesome opinion, he thinks he’s pretty nice.

Would I like that?  

If she is interested in him?

He wouldn’t mind it…

She was rather pretty.  She had a nice face and nice skin.  Nice, interesting eyes.  Nice hair.  Nice voice.  She was a nice girl.  Cute.

Not very fashionable, with her long skirt and sweater layered over another sweater, but maybe that just means she’s not high maintenance (unlike his semi-serious, acting-major ex Shion from sophomore year).

It’s not like he’s really fashionable, either.

He recalls her quiet smiles and determined expressions.  Yeah, she was cute.  She definitely seemed sorta innocent, which is a quality he doesn’t see too often in girls his age anymore.  That seems to really up her appeal to him in ways he doesn’t want to self-examine.    

Wonder if she has a boyfriend.  

He remembers everything she told him and the things he learned about her online.  He knows she doesn’t have any social media accounts, or they at least don’t pop up on search engines.  And nothing she said hinted at a special someone.

She did talk about a few friends.  

He frowns at the extent of his contemplation.  I should just ask her out!   It wouldn’t be a big deal because if she says no, he’d probably never see her again after the concert, unless she has another concert, but it’s whatever.  

He’s old enough to ask people out casually, isn’t he?  

It’s just not something he’s ever really done.  With his “free” time in college spent in various theatres around town part-timing, building his network, or watching other shows to learn new design ideas, he doesn’t exactly have a strong dating history.  Usually Sakura makes it her personal mission to hook him up with someone, but it’d be nice to not wait for her to find him his next maybe-we’re-together-but-maybe-we’re-just-seeing-each-other fling that inevitably ends because the girl can’t handle his fluctuating work schedule (Monday and Tuesday or Thursday off, work some weekday nights and every weekend).  

Imagine if he told her he started dating someone without her help!  Hah!  He’s not a helpless case after all!

Anyway, it’s not a big deal.        

He can do it.

And, if he doesn’t start now, Sakura will run out of willing friends eventually, and he’ll have to start signing up for those dating apps and “sliding” into random people’s DMs, and, well, he’d rather not?

Yeah, yeah, I’ll ask her out for coffee or something.

With that matter settled and tucked away for later, he grabs the remote, turns on the streaming app, and navigates the site to the drama.  It’s only 13 episodes long, one hour each. He can definitely marathon it, especially since he doesn’t have to go in for work in the morning.

He’s halfway through the first episode when his flatmate, his best friend, walks in.  “Oh, you’re watching Picture Tomorrow.”  

Naruto turns to hear Sasuke dumping his stuff in the kitchen.  “Yeah, did you watch this?”

“Sakura made me.”

Figures.  Naruto turns back to the show.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“I’m not?”

“Well, of course not since the girl dies at the end.”

Naruto turns furiously to see him standing there indifferently.  He throws his hands up.  “Sasuke!”

“What.  You didn’t know that?  How could you not know that?”

“Well, I didn’t!”

“Oh.”  Sasuke retreats back to the kitchen.

With the end spoiled, Naruto continues the show with less enthusiasm than before.  He watches the love interest gaze at the simpleminded heroine curiously.   She’s gonna die!  Don’t fall in love with her!   He sighs as he realizes every single moment watching this drama will now be colored with those thoughts.  “Did you like it?” he questions loud enough for Sasuke to hear over the sound of the sink’s running water.

“...”

Naruto watches Sasuke silently deliberating across the serving counter.  If he hated it, he would have said so already.  “So it’s a good show, then?”

“It’s interesting.”

That’s pretty much Sasuke-speak for ‘it’s great.’  “I’m gonna marathon the whole thing tonight.  You wanna join?”

Sasuke grimaces at him.  

But a couple minutes later, after he microwaves some leftovers, he joins him on the couch.

“Oh, this is one of her songs,” Naruto comments aloud as the episode flashes a few sponsors before a commercial break.

Sasuke turns to look at him.

“Hinata, the pianist.  She’s having a concert at HKT this Saturday, and I’m her point person,” he explains.

Sasuke silently nods.

Throughout the drama, he vocally notices her songs.  “This is her song, too...think this one’s called ‘Finally Arrived.’”  He mentally considers that the music sounds different from her online profile, like with other instruments added, and he doesn’t doubt that she composed the music for them, too.  “Gee, she’s really talented.”  

“Hn.”

Eventually Sasuke leaves him alone, and it’s a good thing because when the heroine tells her love interest her diagnosis, but they start dating anyway, Naruto finds himself tearing up.  

By morning, he’s got a permanent frown on his face when she tells him she wants to break up with him, while keeping her terminally ill prognosis secret.

Sasuke comes out, readying for work.

“Sasukeeee...why…” he exhaustedly whines.  

“I told you you wouldn’t like it.”

“No, no, I like it...I think…”

“Are there still tickets for her concert?”

“Wha?  Oh, I dunno...probably…ugh I hate this show...I mean I don’t hate it…”

“Stupid.”

“Noo, this is your fault.”

“Later.”  The door clicks shut, and Naruto is left alone to wallow in his misery.

Sasuke doesn’t come back that night, probably staying over at Sakura’s place, so he doesn’t have anyone to voice his thoughts to until the next day when he goes in for work.  

He tells the rest of the crew about how his jerk of a flatmate spoiled the ending, and how touching it was that the boyfriend ended up becoming a cancer researcher.  

To which their only reaction of note is how Naruto didn’t know that the girl was going to die at the end.  “How did you not know that?”  “The novel’s been on the best-selling list all season!”

“I just didn’t know!”

When Hinata comes in for her rehearsal, he unthinkingly engages her in his venting.  “I finally watched Picture Tomorrow!” he informs her.

Her lips turn up slightly.  “Oh, did you like it?”

“Yes!  I hated it.”

“Oh…”

“It was so sad,” he bemoans.

“So...you didn’t like it?” she asks.

“No, it was great!  It was awful,” he clarifies for her.

It starts quietly, her giggle.  He watches her light grey eyes disappear into small slits under dark lashes, and he’s momentarily struck by the realization that he made her laugh.

“Your music was great, too,” he adds, and he suddenly finds himself much more taken with her smile than the drama.  She’s wearing make-up today.  And a dress.  “It completely tied together every scene, it was really nice.”

Her eyes, her entire expression, shines up at him.  “Thank you.  I’m glad you liked it.”

“Yeah...”  He works his hand into the back of his neck.  Right before the rehearsal starts would not be a good time to ask her out.  So, he redirects his thoughts to his work.  “Are you ready to get started?”

She nods, her shy gaze still focused on him, her cheeks still lightly pink from her laughter.

And he notes how she still looks happy as she follows him toward the stage.

He and the rest of the crew clap and give her cheers as she bows to the empty seats.  

She turns and looks at him, smiling a scrunched up, embarrassed and amused expression at their antics.

He grins at her, making sure to holler an extra loud “Wooh!”

Her mouth seems to drop open in surprise, her brows furrowing in confusion at his enthusiasm as she comes off the stage into the wings.  

“We won’t be able to cheer you on tomorrow night, so we gotta do it today,” he explains.  Tomorrow they’ll all be in work-mode.  Silent and invisible.  

“Oh,” she answers thoughtfully.  “Thank you.”

“Yeah!  Everything sounded great.  Looks like we’re ready for tomorrow!”  

She smiles in agreement and nods.  

He feels his weight tipping forward toward his toes, an antsiness that urges him to bounce on his feet.  Now’s the time, now’s the time.

His senior’s yell bursts through his thoughts.  “Hinata!  Before you go, I wanted to know if you’d sign this sheet music for my wife.  She teaches your songs to some of her piano students.”

She turns from him, her smile directed away.  “Oh, sure!”

Naruto lets out a silent sigh.

He doesn’t get another moment alone with her, and he doesn’t want to subject himself or Hinata to the pressure of asking her out in front of everyone.

It’s only later that night when he’s leaving the theatre and walking to the bus stop that it occurs to him he could message her.  He has her number saved, at the time it was for “just in case” as her point person.  

Well, but asking her out in a message seems like a cop out.

He fiddles with his phone for a few seconds before opening a new thread.  

“Hey Hinata this is Naruto”  

He sends it before he can regret it.

He waits a minute.  

Nothing.

She might be one of those people who doesn’t obsessively check their phone’s notifications.

He starts typing again.  

“We’re all getting dinner around 4:30 tomorrow.  You’re welcome to join us before your warmup”  

He stares at his phone for a few seconds before pocketing it.  Based on her response, he might be able to gauge her interest in him.  If she responds.

His phone vibrates when he’s nearing his stop, and he’s relieved to see that it’s her as he exits the bus.

“Hello, Naruto, thank you :)  I’ll be there!”

A positive response.  A pretty normal, positive response.  

He doesn’t gauge anything from it, and now he has to figure out how to reply.  For anyone else, he would just “like” her reply.

But she’s not exactly just anyone, and he kind of wants her to notice him the way he’s noticing her.

“Great, see you tomorrow”

He considers adding “have a good night,” quickly decides against it, and presses send.

Her reply comes almost automatically.  “Yes, have a good night :)”

He frowns at his phone.  He should have just added it the first time.  Now is it weird to drag on the conversation?  Why didn’t she just say “see you tomorrow” in response?

Before he can take any longer thinking about it, he sends a short message.  

“You too”

He lets out a long breath.  

The last time he exchanged messages with a girl (that wasn’t a platonic friend) was three months ago.  That contact didn’t last past the first date, set up by Sakura.

They were incompatible.  Little attraction on both sides when it came to conversation.

It would be nice if he could have a relationship.  None of this waiting around, none of this feeling the other person out, none of this second-guessing every move, or just trying to make a move.  

He’s ready for more.

He's ready for someone to share some sweetness with.

[wellesleyunderground]

WU Self-Care: Surviving a Toxic Workplace

Photo Source

When you’re in a toxic workplace, it can feel like it is poisoning your home life, your time with friends, and your thoughts (especially before bed and upon waking up). How do you maintain your sanity and serenity in the midst of a toxic, draining job?

The first thing to ask is if there is something you can change. Is the problem a person who doesn’t do their job that you can manage your way around? Do you have a toxic coworker with whom you should avoid interpersonal interaction?  Are you not feeling supported or respected by your supervisor? Is there a situation that HR can help with? Is it just you--or is there high turnover and poor morale throughout your team or organization? 

What makes a workplace toxic is the culture, communication from above and between departments, unsupportive or adversarial peers, lack of real leadership, and your boss(es)-- things that are outside of your control. Generally, there are multiple factors working together. HR may be already aware and is doing very little or nothing to solve the problem, and leadership is passively or actively supporting the toxic factors. 

Analyze your workplace and identify where and how it is toxic, and where that toxicity is coming from. Once you grasp how bad and how pervasive it is, the next step is acceptance. 

It sucks, it really sucks, it actually sucks, it is totally and completely sucky. 

When you recognize how bad your workplace really and truly is, it actually makes it easier. You’re no longer caught off guard by the latest development. You realize that the only way to change your life is to get out of your workplace. 

Recognizing that  you can’t change your workplace frees up energy that you can use to 1) cope and 2) look for a new job. 

Coping Strategies (also see here)

Set boundaries around work. Have you gotten in the habit of working every night after you go home? Are you checking emails as soon as you get up? Determine what would be best for you and make those boundaries. If you have to get back on after a full day of work, only work for an hour. Or better yet, don’t go back to work after work! Don’t check your email first thing, and only answer when you’re back in the office. Yes, there will be pushback, but it is up to you to set boundaries and create space away from work to relax and recuperate. 

Keep work and home separate. Don't feel compelled to let coworkers who are not supportive follow you on IG/twitter/FB! 

Work Remotely. Advocate for working remotely if at all possible. Does your workplace have a remote policy? Can you call in HR to get that policy enforced? Can you get a regularly scheduled remote day? Do what you can to get your work done and not be there. 

Email yourself. When I felt overwhelmed and frustrated and like I needed to speak my truth or I would explode, I emailed myself and ranted. It may sound silly-- you already know what’s going on!-- but I found it helpful to be able to vent in writing and confidentially. 

Look at your life outside of work-- friends, family, hobbies, faith/spirituality, community. What else is going well in your life? Do you have great neighbors, a great circle of friends, a loving family? Can you devote more time/energy to those areas?

Call a friend and get together after work (or bedtime, if you’re a parent)

If you don’t have hobbies, make the time to develop one or two to balance out your life. 

Life at work. Do you have work friends you can commiserate with? Do you have friends you can have lunch with, either at your workplace or that you can meet nearby? Can you build in an afternoon coffee break where you walk around the block to get coffee?  If you are not being paid for your lunch period, do your best to take breaks on a regular basis. What can you do to create support and breathing space for yourself at work?

Set limits on discussing your toxic workplace with coworkers. Work friends who get it and support you are great-- you need to vent and unpack what’s happening. However, be cognitive of how much time you’re spending discussing and commiserating. Every workplace conversation shouldn’t be about how much you both hate it there. Also, be mindful of sharing your personal cell phone number with colleagues. While you may be friendly or friends even, being texting buddies with your coworkers could easily lead to conversations about work after hours or on weekends.

Find something small you like at work. Is there a nice tea or coffee? A cute coworker to smile at? A cool mural on your drive to work? Find the small things that give you pleasure at work. 

Make sleep a priority. It’s harder to keep your emotional balance when you’re tired. 

Reading and watching things that give you joy. Rather than reading the most depressing books or watching the most disturbing shows, no matter what the rave reviews may be, sometimes consuming content that makes you laugh so hard you cry or something completely mindless is what you really need. Checkout WU for great reviews of books, movies, and TV shows for something new!

Exercise. Keeping a semi-regular schedule of long walks or yoga or cardio kickboxing (to get out some aggression) can get the endorphins going and help you feel more sane and balanced.  

One warning. Going out for drinks with friends is great, but don’t use alcohol as an escape mechanism-- it’s a depressant. It’s easy to get into the habit of a glass of wine or two after work but it’s only going to further tax your body. 

Looking for a new job.

This is like any other job search-- only you need to get a new job ASAP.

Start your job search now. Get on the job websites, update your LinkedIn, connect to people on LinkedIn, network, get a friend to review your resume, write your first cover letter. 

Change departments at your organization. The fastest way out may be a change within the organization, to a new department. Large workplaces, like universities, may have many different cultures loosely held together. Can you get a similar job-- or a completely different job-- in a different department, under different leadership? 

This may not be the time for a career change to a new field. It’s easiest and fastest to get a job doing what you are already doing somewhere else. 

Apply anyway. Even if the job isn’t perfect, even if you don’t know if you really want it, even if they don’t list a salary range. Just apply for now. Learn more about the job. You can always say no later.

Consider hiring a career counselor to help make that transition faster. 

You may also be interested in: 

Self-Care Strategies When you Hate your Job but Quitting Is Not an Option

[boris-bowlingforfood-blog]

Ink-credible Encounters of the Mom Kind

// This is a little short I thought of, inspired by @xdreamer45x‘s Ink Mama AU. Based off of how Mama and Baby are on civil to friendly terms with another Boris, I figure if my Boris, Mr. Cut-Myself-Off-From-Everyone-After-Fit-Hits-The-Shan, is the one to find a missing adorable terror bean, he’ll be a bit more trusted than whatever else is out in the studio, and may get more of a pass than other ink beings once he is caught by mama. (Also, he’s out of the loop, so he isn’t going to realize the full gravity of the “bean is on his own” situation...) I’m gonna throw in one of my own personal headcanon’s with concept Bendy too, so, enjoy it when you see it... I hope...

~ Mars

. . .

Boris stared at the little creature he had just come face to face with... in his vents. It looked like a smaller Bendy but... without a mouth? And it looked to be crying silently. Boris cocked his head. Was this creature a danger? It didn’t seem like one, and that was saying a lot for him. He’d turn tail and run at nearly anything, especially when encountering it in places he was not prepared for. But, still, this creature was new, not like anything he’d seen slip out of the tainted puddles of ink before. Were his vents no longer safe?

The intruder glanced towards the ink covered vent grate in a way that seemed to be fearfully. That’s when Boris heard it, the choked semi-mechanical sounds of an Edgar v2.0.

Boris, just get out of here. Don't get involved.

Tail tucked between his legs, Boris began shuffling backwards, so as to keep an eye on the new creature.

Maybe the ink machine has been used again? Does that mean humans are back, and not dead yet? Did the humans bring more food? Maybe that is worth invest-

“Squeak.”

Boris jumped, hitting his head against the strong aluminum. They both froze, the pain from hitting his head not nearly enough to overcome his fear, neither of them even thinking as the sound reverberated through the vent shaft. After a long minute and no change in the light being sent through the vent, they both shared a sigh of relief.

So, this creature has a mouth. Boris wished he hadn't stuck around long enough to see it. It was a split down his face, full of teeth. But... it also sounds cute and innocent. He gritted his teeth. Boris, don’t do it. You're going to get yourself killed one of these days.

He motioned for the little critter to follow him, and it seemed to understand. He slowly turned around, glancing back often to make sure it wasn’t going to turn on him, and led the thing to his little hovel, a bigger section in the vent system. He turned on his dim little electric lantern so that the critter could see better, and so that he could better keep an eye on it. There were blankets that clearly were being used as a sleeping spot spread on one side that went out about half way in the tight quarters. Against the other side of the vent wall was a stockpile of bacon soup and and a can opener. The little critter stood up, having better room to do so than Boris, and went over to the blankets and began fiddling with them.

Boris frowned, holding back the urge to stop the little Bendy thing from touching stuff. After who knows how many years, he had really grown use to not having anyone in here. With a little snuff, he allowed himself to look away. He grabbed a can of soup and opened it up. Turning back towards the visitor, he froze. It was chewing on one of his blankets.

No. Don't. Ew. What?

He gently knocked on the floor, snagging the creature's attention. He wagged his finger in the universal language of ‘no’ and offered up the can of soup.

Lil’ Bendy spit out the blanket and came over to Boris. He gingerly took the soup can and looked in it, squeaking in surprise as some soup spilled out.

Boris mimicked drinking and Lil’ Bendy finally seemed to get it. He looked up and dumped the soup into his mouth, can and all. Boris stared in horror as he listened to the grinding of tin can between sharp teeth.

I screwed up. I screwed up. I have let this THING into my home!

The creature spit out the chewed up can, squeaked and clapped its hands together happily. It hopped over to his stash and grabbed another can and popped it in.

Boris threw a hand over his mouth, watching as another destroyed hunk of tin and label was spit oat and another can disappeared into that... maw of indestructibility. Wait... my soup! Unable to contain himself he grabbed the shoulder of the Bendy monstrosity and yanked it away.

Lil’ Bendy’s eyes filled with inky tears and he began to whimper, instantly pulling at Boris’s heartstrings. How... Why... Why am I feeling guilty all of a sudden?

Boris snatched up his smallest blanket and kind of toss-shoved it into the ink being’s mouth, not trusting placing his hand too close. Lil’ Bendy began sucking on the old cloth, crying suddenly gone due to confusion? joy? the power of blanket sucking? and Boris released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. He would have to figure out where this thing belonged and get it back there, it was definitely not something he could... take care of... not with it downing soup cans whole without a second thought of food conservation. He glanced down the vent they had come from. The baddie should be gone by now... maybe... Boris, this is why you don’t get involved. Just, stick to yourself, find food, and survive. That’s it. There are no friends here. Th-

Boris looked down at a tug on his overalls. Lil’ Bendy, still sucking on the blanket, looked up at him with cute blank pied eyes. Bendy rubbed his head, feeling a toonish lump that had sprung up from the incident with the first squeak. He carefully pushed it back in before carefully picking up the little guy.

Ok, we’ll go find out where you came from.

Boris smiled, something that looked a little off since he hadn’t done so in a long time, but the cute bean didn’t seem to mind as he wrapped his arms around Boris’s neck... and he didn’t seem willing to let go. Carefully, Boris pushed him around so that he was hanging over Boris’s back, the blanket rubbing against his tail. He turned off the lantern and slowly made his way back through the vents, keeping himself lower than usual so as to keep the Bendy from bumping his head.

They reached the vent grate covered in ink and Boris paused, listening. Once he decided the coast was clear he began rolling the vent up and crawled out, flinching at the bright light of the dimly lit studio hall. Years of vent dwelling had made his eyesight adapt, and it didn’t make for good outter travel, but if this was where he found the lil’ critter, there was a good chance this was where he’d find its owner.

He stretched to get the hunch out of his back and began quietly walking along, his ears alert, taking in the groans of the pipes and the distant sounds of music playing somewhere not too far away. Swallowing, he headed towards the music. It was as good of a shot than any.

He began having second thoughts pretty quickly. Humans weren’t exactly the greatest of creatures, that he could remember. Besides having brought in good food pretty regularly, they weren’t exactly good ol’ friends and had been pretty crummy to some of the toons before. Some had been nice, but he’d have to be careful, just in case.

Boris gingerly opened a door and found that someone had just left a radio on in the little office space. He scoffed and turned around. Then he heard it. That choking semi-mechanical sound. Boris looked around frantically for a vent, but none was to be found! He dashed out of the room and looked left and right down the hallway. There!

Crash! Splat! “ROAAR!”

“Squeak!”

Boris would have shushed the gremlin’s little outburst if he weren’t so busy running for the vent. Just as he was getting there, he heard deep thunderous thumping behind him, the thumping of something very large and not at all good. He froze mid-step, and risked a glance backwards at what was about to kill him and Lil’ Bendy.

“SQUEAK!”

Shove.

Boris stumbled forward as Lil’ Bendy jumped off his back for the hulking black monstrosity. Boris shakily looked around, knowing he wouldn’t like what he’d see. Lil’ Bendy was nuzzling a creature that would definitely haunt his nightmares, and that creature was nuzzling back. Slowly melting down, Boris came to a realization that made things only worse. That hulking monstrosity was turning into The Ink Demon.

Lil’ Bendy looked back at Boris before pulling the blanket out of his mouth and offering it back.

Boris held up his hands in the universal sign of surrender. Keep it. With that, he turned tail and ran like a bat outta hell.

That’s the last time I’m ever giving to charity!

[celticmess]

Dystopian Descendants City Au or smth idk they’re taken from their hosts and trapped in a city

Starring:

Antisepticeye

Darkiishu

Dorkiplier Darkiplier 

Peevils

Infelix

Madzia

Including:

Sanders Sides

JSE Egos

Iplier Egos

Madpat

Blankgameplays (Corrupted Crank, Ethan’s one)

Apocalypse (Tyler’s one)

Now for the details!

Location

they’re held in a small, secluded + abandoned city by humans

they’re given free rein within the city

egos like Dark + Anti call other egos that they share a host with “siblings”

there’s no government

no law

the place is run by violence

everyone is short on temper for different reasons

all of the egos and their host were taken by special services

no one knows where they are now

two rules: do not attempt to escape + no killing

once a month the humans gather them in the city centre and one figment is taken

for now they’ve only taken a few minor figments + characters (Paultin, Pluck, Heathen + the Author)

no one knows where they go

or why

but they don’t come back.

Anti

like our Anti, but edgier.

hangs around with Darkiishu, Dark, Peevils, Infelix + Madzia

fights with Dark regularly

basically daily

and it never surprises anyone at this point

he’s from a large ego group (they call each other siblings)

he’s the oldest ego but they alienate him the most

he terrifies his “siblings” when he’s angry and/or drunk

usually stays out of the house messing about with his group

by messing about I mean tearing up the area

he comes home when his “siblings” are asleep and leaves before they wake up

whenever he’s home before they go to sleep, they end up being really hostile

never physically, but it’s implied

they know they can’t beat him in a fight

everyone can tell when to stop pushing his temper

his glitches get more uncontrollable as his heart rate heightens

you can hear him before you see him, the sound of static follows him everywhere

Darkiishu

has everyone on strings

you need something? You have 2-3 choices depending on what you need: Darkiishu, Phantom + Darkiplier

only hangs out with Anti, Dark + Infelix because they work as bodyguards without knowing it

bc as if you’re gonna attack a lady who hangs with the power trio

only likes two people: Peevils + Madzia

and she even ends up arguing with the sometimes

they’re usually able to talk it out tho

unlike Dark + Anti who’ll beat the shit out of each other anywhere anytime

can never be in photos bc her ability blurs them

the blurriness of he photo changes with her mood

if she’s happy, it’s not too bad, but photograph her pissed and it’s a blurry mess

she stays in a random old broken apartment she fixed up herself

sometimes Anti crashes on her sofa

she’s always the one who hosts Ladies Nights on Saturdays

she controls illusions

Do̴rk͢ip͜l̶ier  Darkiplier

a lot more reckless than our Dark

wears a lot of hoodies

he has a ornate little silver bracelet to keep his powers in check

the googles made it for him

he probably turns it into the top of his cane later on

his hobby is pissing off Anti

starts the fights on purpose

sometimes to vent, sometimes for entertainment

either way, Anti is happy to fight

he’s the third oldest out of his ego group

the host and Wilford are older than him. There was the Author...

he argues with Wilford a lot and Host too when he comes out of his library

he scares the younger ones (Bim, Ed, Silver, King, etc.)

he also doesn’t control his aura very well (hence why he has the bracelet)

so his shell cracks a lot more frequently than it does in our universe

Peevils

lives with Darkiishu most of the time

can manipulate reflections

if you’ve pissed her off avoid any and all reflective surfaces

she can and will summon your reflection from said surface and have it murder you brutally

she’s very close with Darkiishu

if you mess with one you mess with both

and both are scary

she could not care less about Dark, Anti or Infelix even if she tries

has nearly gotten into a fight with Anti on many occasions

will most likely leave the apartment if Anti is crashing for the night

her and Anti avoid each other as much as possible

is dangerously close to strangling Infelix with his own reflection

Infelix

lives with Madzia in an isolated apartment in a place no one knows about

none of the others have ever been there

he has eyes everywhere

quite literally

can create semi-sentient ink monsters

he’s the most powerful entity

and everyone knows it

even if he doesn’t fight

the other figments and entities can fight over a subject

but Infelix says something about it? that thing is always considered

low-key cares about the people he hangs out with

he pretends he doesn’t tho

he finds Anti + Dark’s fights highly entertaining

makes it his mission to try and start a fight between Anti and Peevils

Madzia

the sclera of her eyes are a faint pastel colour (she can change whenever she wants)

when she uses her powers, her whole eye goes the colour of her sclera

she’s part siren

so she can charm anyone except sirens

she doesn’t need to sing

she lives with Infelix

they get along really well

she enjoys her Ladies Night with Peevils and Darkiishu on Saturdays tho

she gets really fed up with the fights

she herself is actually pretty docile

doesn’t mean she’s harmless though

her, Peevils and Darkiishu are always there for each other

they all love each other’s company

they’re so close because they’re basically the only females

Sanders Sides

by far the most harmless figments

Logan spends a lot of time with Dr. Iplier and Dr. Schneeplestein in the makeshift infirmary

he makes a lot of the cures with what they have

if it weren’t for these three, the no killing rule would’ve been broken ten billion times

Patton runs a safehouse for the smaller, peaceful egos (King, Bim, Silver, Ed, Robbie as well as Heathen and Pluck occasionally) and was one of the most emotional when Heathen and Pluck got taken

Sometimes Virgil hangs out with Patton’s group, sometimes he joins Darkiishu, Peevils + Madzia for Ladies Night

his best friend was Heathen

losing Heathen hit him really hard

now he hangs out with Robbie, JJ and sometimes Marvin when he’s not running around with JB and Roman

Roman loves playing hero with JB and sometimes Marvin

occasionally Silver will join in

the group break up fights before the no kill rule gets broken

Deceit doesn’t “hang out” with anyone

but he’s a good source of information

his top clients are Dark, Peevils and Phantom

NWTB Egos

there’s a lack of entertainment in the city

so Mare performs in the city centre regularly

sometimes he’ll have Anti drum for him

it usually attracts a crowd

there isn’t really anything in the city to do except fight

so most of the population turns up

he’s also had a fair share of fights

Sharper is the one who fixed up the place that the battle egos stay in

so the place is full of tools and random machines

he always patches up Mare and Phantom when they get into fights

he doesn’t trust them not to kill the doctors

Phantom isn’t home very often

usually when he comes home it’s because he’s hurt

the rest of the time he’s in his office

he won the place in a bet

and traded info for interior decoration

it doubles as a bar and it’s pretty popular because it is the only bar

Mare and Phantom were livid when Heathen was taken

fortunately Sharper built a saferoom when he fixed up the place

he had to lock them in for several days

JSE Egos

none of them trust Anti

JB goes into protective mode if Anti turns up while they’re awake

the only one who goes near him is Robbie and sometimes JJ

the others all tend to keep their distance

JB loves spending time with Roman when he’s not protecting his siblings

stopping fights make him feel like a real hero

it also boosts his confidence and every time he goes home he feels more prepared to defend against Anti

he’s convinced Anti is planning something and is determined to keep his siblings safe

on the rare occasion JB isn’t home when Anti is, Marvin steps up

he’s not as confident or as hostile as JB

or as powerful

but he’s just as protective

on the nights he knows Anti is staying with Darkiishu he joins Roman and JB

he loves those nights

JJ is very curious

him and Robbie are the only JSE Egos who have willingly and peacefully approached Anti

When JJ first walked up to Anti, it surprised Anti so much he dropped his croissant

a croissant he stole from Peevils

then he tried to scare him away

but JJ just smiled at him

they don’t interact often at all but JJ will always try and calm JB and Marvin down before they attack

Anti is always hella grateful but never gets a chance to show it

Robbie shocked Anti by straight up walking into his room and sitting down

he finds the static noise that follows Anti really comforting

and Robbie didn’t seem like a threat so Anti let him stay

Robbie always leaves to go back to his room before Anti wakes up

it stops the other egos from jumping to conclusions

Chase is hardly home

but when he is he’s usually a tad drunk after a night out drinking with Paultin, Pluck and occasionally Warfstache

when Paultin and Pluck got taken his mental health took a nose dive

he began to stay out longer

he got drunker

and it got out of hand and he became increasingly depressed

his brothers love him but it gets extremely tense whenever he comes home drunk

he usually starts a fight with Anti on purpose

the nights he comes home sober are the best in the eyes of the other egos

they’re fun and Anti stays away

and it takes Chase’s mind off Paultin, Pluck, Stacy and his kids

one time Chase and Anti both came home drunk

JB ended up fighting both of them to get them to stop while Marvin got the others out of there

they went to Patton and the other sides for safety

the fight lasted all night

the end result was an injured, unconscious Chase with an empty gun, a passed out Anti (sleep deprivation) and a seriously injured JB

Anti avoided them for weeks after

Chase stayed with them while he recovered

Dr. Shneeplestein was the one who saved JB and Chase Brody from dying of their wounds

when he’s not with his siblings, he’s with Dr. Iplier and Logan in the infirmary

the three of them get along incredibly well

but as much as he likes work, he also likes his family

he gets incredibly nervous around Anti

when it was just him and Anti, Anti took great pleasure in messing with the Doctor before he met his current friends

by “messing with” I mean bringing him to the brink of death but stopping at the last second

so Schneep is real wary of Anti

Iplier Egos

They’re more organised than other groups

King, Silver, Ed + Bim spend all their time with Patton in the safehouse that he built

When Dark isn’t home, he’s out on the streets tearing it up with Anti, Infelix, Darkiishu, Peevils + Madzia

he lives for thrill

it’s why he fights Anti

they both love it

the Googles run the place

the place being a several storey building 

the second floor is the Google’s lab

sometimes they work with Madpat

Blue thinks he’s too unpredictable, Ollie think’s he’s scary, Green considers him a risk

Red gets along with him just fine

most of the time though the googles work alone

they’ve banned Anti from the building

Wilford is avoided by everyone

he’s unstable, volatile and unpredictable

Anti has tried to goad him into a fight but Dark stopped him

when Wilford’s bored he spends time with Chase

it surprises everyone

but it’s Wilford Warfstache, he always surprises

The Host used to stay on his library floor with the Author

he stopped coming out of the library after the Author was taken

Oliver tried to get him to come out but he gave up eventually

Lesser Known Egos

Madpat

he’s a crazed scientist

he hangs with Natemare a lot

The pair cause trouble but don’t really get into fights

he also enjoy dragging Google Red into his projects

Blank

Blank doesn’t have friends

he walks the streets aimlessly

just shivering

he’s cold to the touch

don’t test that fact

touch him and you slowly freeze from the outside in

Apocalypse

he’s a brute

he’s big, strong and scary

he’s also the subject of many fights

him and JB always end up in a fight

they don’t get along

he starts most of the fights on the streets

The rest of the population are egos that we don’t even know exist yet.

[ethospathoslogan]

the good kind of distracting; sanders sides/logicality college!au

A/N: i managed to finish this before valentine’s day finished!!! which is semi-fitting ;)

summary: “Logan, you’re rambling. What are you so nervous about?” Patton asked with a frown. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you don’t have to be nervous! It’s me!” “And that’s exactly it! It’s you!” Logan exclaimed. Logan has feelings for Patton that he can't quite understand. To have someone so open, so bright, right in front of him, picking off bricks one by one from the walls that had been around him for years, it sent a jolt of nerves through him. He just wasn’t quite sure if they were fear for what could happen, or the want to see what would.

main pairing: logicality (logan/patton)

series on ao3 read on ao3

As Logan expected would happen, it did not take long for Patton to stick around. With seeing Virgil regularly and the trio’s door always being open to him, Patton soon found his place among the three of them. Now that Patton was with them as much as another college student balancing assignments and a life could be, Logan realized that now he cannot see their group without him.

Patton added a nice balance to the group, which Logan, at first, was surprised to discover. Or, more so, his surprise came upon realizing that Patton grew closest with Virgil first. An optimistic extrovert who thrived off of seeing the best in every single person and situation, Patton was the complete opposite of anxious, shy, better-suspicious-than-sorry Virgil. Every single outcome pointed to them being aggravated by the others presence, both unable to understand the others outlook on life, and yet any onlooker would think that Virgil and Patton had been friends for years. Logan did not question exactly how it happened; he knew when something wasn’t his business. But he did find it safe to assume that the pair helped each other in a way that he didn’t think he quite understood, yet.

Patton and Roman, understandably, easily became friends. Compassionate and encouraging Patton was everything the creative, outgoing, yet sometimes insecure Roman needed. Where Logan, who did not believe himself to be creatively inclined, could only offer someone to vent to when Roman found himself in the midst of a block, Patton was there to be able to work with Roman and help him through the mental block that had him set back. Patton could bounce off of Roman’s energy just as easily as he could calm him down when his racing, daydreaming mind was ready to get the best of him. The two extroverts easily kept conversation flowing, and Roman and Patton found a constant person to go out with when the other two were occupied.

Yet, Logan’s observations of his own relationship somehow shocked him the most.

(“You can’t sit here and analyze every friendship you make,” Roman had told him one day. “They just happen, and that’s the best part!”

“Perhaps,” Logan had agreed. “But people naturally gravitate to those who share similar interests, those who can help them as much as they themselves could do to the other. Don’t you think any of that is worth thinking about?”)

Patton, in a way, was everything Logan was not. Not in a way similar to how Virgil and Patton, or even Virgil and Roman, were different. Patton was emotional. He made decisions based on what he felt in his heart instead of analyzing each path -and its corresponding results- accordingly. Patton had hope that there was good in every person he met, and he gave pity and sympathy to those who, in Logan’s eyes, did not deserve so. Yet, he was not a pushover. He was governed by his heart but had a fair sense of what was right and what wasn’t. He refused to let people walk over those he cared about, nor did he stand idly by when his friends tore themselves down.

Then, there was Logan. In his decision making, his feelings might as well have had the last say. He found no use in making decisions based on emotions; they were fleeting, temporary, temperamental. Someone once called him emotionally repressed, and perhaps they were not wrong in noting that Logan had a harder time understanding feelings than most, but he did not believe that discounted any of his decision making. He found it better to make decisions based on what made sense after thinking through every option. It was what would lead to a result that led to the least amount of conflict.

Yet, for all the times Logan and Patton had come to disagreements in their thoughts, they never once fought. Logan, despite his introversion, was not one to keep his voice at bay when he believed he was right. But that was usually when he was dealing with others who, also, believed that only they were correct. Patton, though, understood, or at least attempted to. He did not try to put down Logan’s thoughts, as many others had done before, and instead stepped back to try to see where Logan was coming from. He never came into a disagreement with aggravation or annoyance; he just wanted to see what was going on in Logan’s head to figure out if they could find a compromise and, many times, succeeded in doing such. Whenever they talked, whether it be over coffee at a cafe table, sticky notes in the library, or the loud thump of either of his roommates’ music, they managed to reach a conclusion where neither were unhappy.

Logan very rarely found people who could so easily see into the workings of his mind, not to mention a person who was not put off by someone so stark in contrast.

And Logan, now that he found someone who listened and… cared, couldn’t get that someone out of his mind. He didn’t think he wanted to, either.

His mind worked through all of this as the four of them sat outside. It was midway through September, and the suffocating heat and humidity of August had finally broken into something manageable. The small group was situated under a tree, isolated on the outskirts of campus. Students bustled by on their way to classes or lunch plans, and they were left undisturbed. Roman was lying on one of the blanket they had brought out, propped up on his elbows with headphones in, a textbook beneath him, and a highlighter in hand. He bobbed his head to whatever song was playing and used the highlighter to more so color in the textbook than actually take notes. Virgil was lying on his back on a shared blanket with Patton. A single headphone was in his ear and his eyes shut. His head lolling slightly to the side showed that he was on the brink of unconsciousness.

Patton was lying next to him, his hands clasped behind his head and his blue eyes looking up at the sky through the tree branches. Whatever sun that had managed to shine through shone specs onto him that could have been taken as a natural glimmer coming from him. He looked completely and utterly serene amid the three of them. A small smile rested on his lips and his chest rose and fell with ease.

Logan, who was sitting up against the tree itself, couldn’t help but notice. His legs outstretched, a notebook rested on his thighs but it had been long ignored for a while now. He wasn’t typically one for daydreaming, but he also wasn’t typically one for being so distracted from his schoolwork by boys.

“Logan,” Patton suddenly said, his head tilting in his direction. “What are you thinking so hard about?”

You, Logan immediately thought before brushing it aside. “What makes you think I’m thinking about something?” he asked instead.

Patton’s smile met his eyes. “I can practically hear you thinking all the way over here,” he said. “And you’ve had the tip of your pen pressed against your notebook for about five minutes and yet, instead of writing, you’ve just been staring out into nowhere.”

Logan looked down at the blank notebook page and saw that the ink from his pen had began to bleed through the pages. Patton had been watching him, or at least glancing at him, and he was so deep in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed. “I guess I am a bit distracted,” he agreed.

“Well, what’s on your mind?” Patton asked. He rolled over onto his stomach before pushing himself up onto his elbows. Virgil elbowed him for disturbing his almost slumber but Patton paid no attention. “Everything alright?”

Logan huffed out a breath through his nose and looked back down at his notebook. In the margins, he began to draw a small spiral that eventually grew wider and wider. We fit together better than I thought we would, he thought. I don’t understand feelings well, but I want to begin to understand yours more, understand you more. “I’m just tired,” he said. “I was up late writing a report last night and I guess I’m just reaping the consequences.”

Virgil, who now of course regained most of his consciousness, cracked an eye open at hearing that. Logan hoped that he wouldn’t mention that Logan, for once, did not have any work to do last night, and instead actually got a reasonable amount of sleep.

“Well then, why don’t you take a break,” Patton suggested. “It’s a beautiful day out, you don’t want to spend all of it with your nose in a book.”

Logan sighed. “Well, I do have work to do and-”

“And it will still be there when you get back,” Patton said. “Come on, Lo, just a couple of minutes. I could use someone to talk to since Virg is sleeping-”

“Trying to,” Virgil muttered.

“-and Roman is studying,” Patton continued.

“More like coloring,” Logan said.

Patton beamed. “Or that,” he agreed. “But, still! Put down your notebook and come lay here with us! That tree cannot be a comfortable back rest.”

“This blanket is not big enough for three,” Virgil said with slight annoyance in his voice at being disturbed. “And we literally brought out a third blanket.”

Patton then pushed himself up off the blanket and onto his feet. “Exactly,” Patton said. “And Virgil does need his sleep, so-” he held out a hand to Logan “-let’s get our own blanket!”

Logan only hesitated for a second before giving Patton his hand and allowing himself to be pulled up. He dropped his notebook and pen to the grass as Patton grabbed the third, neatly folded blanket.

“We shouldn’t disturb them,” Patton said, leading them a couple paces away. “Since we’re gonna talk and hang out and you’re going to chill, we should at least be considerate.” Patton grinned and Logan couldn’t help but smile back. He helped Patton lay down the blanket on the grass before laying back down next to him.

Once he was situated, he noticed that Roman had been looking over in their direction. He raised an eyebrow at Logan and Logan looked away, feeling his cheeks grow warm.

Patton’s eyes were back on the sky. “It’s such a beautiful day out,” he repeated, his voice soft.

Logan’s eyes were on him. “I suppose,” he said, not quite concerned about the weather.

“You suppose?” Patton questioned with a raised eyebrow but also a smile. He tilted his head towards Logan. “You don’t have to think so much right now. Just lie back and relax. You do know how to do that, don’t you?”

“Am I sensing some sarcasm, Patton?” Logan asked, grinning as Patton let out a laugh. “That’s it, Virgil is too much of an influence on you. We already have his sarcasm fueled by his sardonicism, Roman’s fueled by his ego, and my clever brand of sarcasm, which is clearly the superior of the three. We cannot have you, too.”

“Well, what would my brand of sarcasm be?”

“Kind sarcasm,” Logan said.

“Yeah, the kinda sarcasm that comes when you least expect it,” Patton laughed. Logan would admit, he was impressed with Patton’s quickness at making the joke.

Logan sighed and shook his head in disappointment. “Despite ‘kind sarcasm’ not being one of my brightest statements, the fact that you turned it into a pun wounds me,” he said, not nearly as serious as he let on. He did have a sense of humor, and one that actually did favor towards sarcasm and puns, but he wasn’t ready for that to be used against him yet.

“But I think you found it funny,” Patton beamed, poking Logan’s cheek. Logan let his smile slip through. “See! I can see right through you, Specs, I know that you find my jokes funny.”

“You keep believing that, Patton,” Logan said, though even he wasn’t quite sure whether he was addressing the first part of Patton’s statement or the first. Would he want Patton to know just how easily he got through to Logan? How comfortable he felt with Patton around? To tell someone that, to let them know that they so easily had him figured out, it would give them an immense amount of power. Logan doubted that Patton would even think of using it against him, but no one had ever had this effect on Logan before.

To give that power out, to make that trust and comfort known, it would be as if Logan’s walls came crashing down. He didn’t intend to put borders around himself, originally. He just liked to keep his heart on his cheek and let logic and analyzations do the work. And when people began to see him as emotionless, a “robot” as some dubbed him, he figured it would be best to keep what he felt at bay so that others could not see what they inflicted upon him. One thing led to another and, eventually, Logan just believed it would be best to keep emotions out of his thinking.

To have someone so open, so bright, right in front of him, picking off bricks one by one from the walls that had been around him for years, it sent a jolt of nerves through him.

He just wasn’t quite sure if they were fear for what could happen, or the want to see what would.

--

When Patton had to leave for a late afternoon class, Logan, Roman, and Virgil decided that they would leave as well. Roman had finished reading (coloring) the chapter he was reading, Virgil was finished with drifting in and out of consciousness if it meant that he wouldn’t actually get to sleep, and Logan’s notebook had remained unwritten in the entire time he was hanging with Patton, which was the entire time. When they arrived back at their dorm, Virgil practically threw himself onto his bed, his head flopping down onto his pillow.

“You cannot tell me that you’re still tired,” Roman said, tossing his textbook onto his own bed. Logan took a seat at his desk, sifting through the papers he had left.

“Actually, I can tell you that, Princey,” Virgil said, lifting his head up. “And, apparently, Logan is too, after all that sleep he told Patton he totally didn’t get.”

Logan’s fingers froze on the papers. He was happy Virgil hadn’t mentioned the miniscule white lie around Patton, but he was also hoping it just wouldn’t come up at all.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Logan said, keeping his voice level. He could feel Roman’s stare on the back of his head.

“Come on, Logan, you know I’m quite the fighter for honesty,” Virgil pressed. Logan sighed with an eye roll and turned in his chair to face his emo nightmare of a roommate.

“How do you know that I wasn’t up late last night?” Logan asked stupidly.

Virgil deadpanned at him. “Because I live with you, and you were out cold last night.”

“I feel like I missed a step in this conversation,” Roman interjected.

“You were listening to your showtunes or whatever,” Virgil said. “Basically, Logan was spacing out, Patton asked why, and Logan, for whatever reason, said he was up late doing homework instead of just saying, y’know, that he was spacing out.”

“You know, I thought you were supposed to be sleeping when all of this happened,” Logan shot at him.

Virgil shot him a smirk as Roman turned to him. “Out of all the things you could lie about ever… to anyone, you choose that one?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Logan huffed. “I don’t know, I panicked, it’s just what I said,” he said, flicking his hands in defense.

“Why would you be nervous when talking to Patton, come on, Lo, it’s-” Logan suddenly saw Roman put two and two together and come to the conclusion that Logan didn’t really feel like discussing yet. “-Patton! It’s Patton!”

Virgil raised himself up onto his elbows, glancing between the two of them. “Yeah, Roman, I said, like, five minutes ago that it was Patton.”

“No wonder you two were so isolated today!” Roman exclaimed, not paying attention to Virgil’s comment. “I mean, I just can’t believe that we -especially me- didn’t notice it earlier. I feel like now that you mention it-”

“I didn’t mention it,” Logan interjected. “I very much did not mention it.”

“-It should have been so obvious!” Roman continued.

“What should have been obvious?” Virgil asked, looking up at Roman through his bangs.

“Virg, do me a favor and brush those bangs out of your eyes, it will help you see this-” he waved a hand in Logan’s direction “-and this-” he gestured to himself with a wink “-better! Logan likes Patton!”

Virgil swung his head around to look at Logan with furrowed eyebrows. “You like Patton?”

“I don’t know!” Logan exclaimed.

“You don’t know? That’s a shitty answer,” Virgil said.

“Thank you Virgil I hadn’t noticed,” Logan said pointedly, glaring at his friend.

“Well how do you not know?” Roman asked, crossing his arms. “It’s either a yes or a no, typically.”

“I don’t know,” Logan repeated, turning back to his desk and aimlessly fumbling with his papers. “I don’t- I don’t usually feel like this towards people. Forgive me for not knowing how to act.”

“Well, how do you feel?” Roman asked, his tone less eccentric and more gentle.

Logan could feel his friends’ eyes on him, and even though he did appreciate the talk, no matter how hectic it was, he wasn’t used to all the attention directed just at how he was feeling. He thought for a couple moments, thankful for Roman and Virgil giving him the silence to think. “Patton,” he paused again, thinking about his next word. “Understands. You guys understand, too, but this is… different. Patton understands, and I want to understand Patton more. I want to know Patton more, know what he thinks, how he thinks, what he likes…” Logan worried his bottom lip, staring down at the stack of papers but not seeing them. “Know him. In a way that is… more than what I initially expected. He’s distracting but it’s a good kind, and if you guys know anything about me, I don’t typically like being distracted.”

Roman and Virgil were silent for a moment and Logan’s fingers tensed around the paper. He suddenly worried that he said something wrong, said something weird and that his friends were currently judging him for how disconnected he was with his feelings and-

“From what it sounds like, I think you like him,” Roman said.

“You definitely like him,” Virgil said, sitting up.

“Well, what do I do?” Logan asked. He usually knew how to approach situations and how to handle them properly. With this, though, he was completely lost.

“Tell him?” Roman suggested.

The look both Virgil and Logan gave him caused him to huff and roll his eyes. “Well, what else are you going to do? Let it fester until it becomes all consuming and it drives you mad not knowing if he likes you back?”

“I would let it fester,” Virgil said.

“And that is why I am the one giving advice, Charlie Frown,” Roman said.

“There’s so much potential for this to go wrong, though,” Logan said. “Let’s say I tell him. Then what? It gets awkward, or he doesn’t like me back? He distances himself, or has a worse reaction? Many things can go wrong here, Roman, and I currently don’t have any preparations for what to do if any of these situations were to play out.”

“Okay, I know you’re nervous, but you know Patton would do none of that,” Roman said. “He’s basically America’s Sweetheart. I don’t think you have to worry about any negative reactions.”

“Besides, he talks about you when we’re together,” Virgil said.

“You couldn’t have said that earlier?” Roman asked, whipping his head around to Virgil and raising an eyebrow.

“What can I say, I love dramatic tension,” Virgil smirked. “As long as it’s not about me.”

Logan had been staring at Virgil the entire time. “He… talks about me?”

“Yeah, all the time,” Virgil said. “I know I just said that I personally would let it fester but, if you tell him and he doesn’t like you back, then something is just fucking off in the world.”

Logan furrowed his eyebrows, turning his gaze back to his hands. His papers had long since fell from them, now out from their neat pile on his desk. “I don’t even know how I would tell him,” he admitted.

“You just… do?” Roman said weakly. Logan slid him a look that caused him to backtrack on his words. “Well I would be doing a romantic gesture! But that’s me, and knowing you, I know that that is not you. For you, Lo, I think the best might just be telling him. Your words are your greatest tool, we all know it.”

Logan looked to Virgil.

“Don’t look at me,” Virgil said, putting his hands up. “Roman gave better advice than I could even think of giving.”

Logan huffed and adjusted his glasses. His mind was racing because there were too many possibilities, too many outcomes for what could happen if he told Patton, but what was truly sending his mind haywire and his pulse into overdrive was the fact that he wanted to tell Patton.

“I… I think I will,” Logan managed out. “I’ll tell him. I think.”

Roman beamed. “Perfect,” he said. “And we will help you and support you through everything and anything that happens!”

--

Logan learned from Patton that, on Thursday afternoons, he returned to his dorm as soon as his roommate left for a class. The hour and fifteen minutes that it was just Patton in his room meant that it was his time for peace and quiet. He would use the time to review material from previous classes and recharge for the remainder of the day, which was usually spent out with friends.

Logan, who had been standing outside Patton’s door doing nothing for two minutes now, suddenly regretted choosing this time to go and speak with Patton. Originally, him and Roman had considered it a good idea since it was the time where he was most likely to find Patton alone. But now, what if Logan was interrupting him? What if Patton was busy and Logan was just going to serve as a nuisance?

What if his roommate never went to class and Patton wasn’t alone? Historically, neither Roman, Virgil, or Logan got alone with the Resident Asshole living in Patton’s room, and to see him there with Patton would make things more awkward and tense than they already were and-

“Okay, yeah,” Logan said to himself, cutting off his own thought. “This is not happening today.”

Logan turned on his heel and began the walk back down the hall. He would very calmly return to his dorm and alert his roommates that today was not the day for grand gestures (at least, in his opinion it was grand) and then resort to lying in bed staring at the ceiling all day because his nerves were too frayed to focus on anything. He would probably internally monologue about how he has no clue what he is doing and is probably the person equipped the worst for this type of situation. Sure, Logan knew how to use his words, but Patton just seemed like he would be an expert at this and Logan would probably humiliate himself before-

His feet jolted him to a halt when he heard a door open and shut behind him. Before he could even begin to hope that it was just one of the other various people who lived on their floor, he heard an extremely familiar voice excitedly say, “Logan!”

Logan hesitated only a second before turning back around. He willed a smile to go on his face as Patton approached him. “Patton, hello,” he greeted warmly as he attempted to regulate his heartbeat.

“What are you doing in my neck of the hall?” Patton asked, grinning. “Usually it’s me all the way down there with you three.”

“Actually, I came to see you,” Logan said.

“How funny!” Patton said. “I was just on my to see you guys! I had barely any work to do in the first place so once I finished I just felt like I was gonna lose it if I didn’t go out and see my three closest friends. So, onwards!”

“Actually, Patton,” Logan said, stopping himself from placing a hand on Patton’s shoulder to stop him. “I was wondering if we could talk.” A pause. “Alone.”

Patton furrowed his eyebrows. “Sure, Lo, of course,” he said, concern already etched into his voice. He lead Logan back to his dorm and unlocked the door. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, yeah, everything’s fine,” Logan fumbled, mentally kicking himself for making it sound like things were not okay and fine. “I just… want to talk.”

“As you’ve said already,” Patton said as he shut the door behind them. He gave Logan an easy smile, sitting down at his desk. “So, what’s up?”

“I-” Logan sighed and adjusted his glasses, looking anywhere but at Patton. Shit, he hadn’t even started yet and he was already terrible. “Roman and Virgil -well, mostly Roman- urged me to do this and -not saying that I wasn’t going to do this anyway because I was- and I honestly have no clue what I’m doing -which isn’t really average for me, you know? I tend to only do things that I know I can properly think through and understand because that’s just how I am- and-”

“Logan, you’re rambling. What are you so nervous about?” Patton asked with a frown. “Whatever it is, I’m sure you don’t have to be nervous! It’s me!”

“And that’s exactly it! It’s you!” Logan exclaimed.

A beat of silence passed in between them. “Logan,” Patton said, furrowing his eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

“I-” Logan dragged a hand through his hair. “I like you, Patton. Quite a lot, actually. And I… I understand nothing about any of this. I haven’t really… felt like this about someone before. I never really let myself. I always chose my mind over my heart because it seemed like the smarter thing to do. But, now… I can’t ignore it. I can’t hold back these feelings. And… I want to try. I think to not try would be idiotic. I want to feel this way, and I want to feel this way with you, Patton.”

Patton blinked at him. “Oh,” he said, his voice gentle.

Logan felt a twinge in his heart. Oh. “I mean, of course you do not have to reciprocate. This isn’t me saying that you have to - I can leave if you need me to- and if you want to still hang out with Roman and Virgil I can go to the library I still have a lot of work to do- I always have work to do so it’s really no bother- I’ll just be going-”

“Logan,” Patton said, rising from his chair. Logan snapped his mouth shut. Patton effortlessly, easily, closed the gap between them and cupped Logan’s jaw softly, gently, a touch that Logan now thought he always needed. “I think I might have an answer to your question.” His voice was gentle, quiet, words just for the two of them.

“Please,” Logan breathed, his heart hammering in his chest.

Patton then pulled Logan down to him, their lips meeting in the middle. Patton easily fell into it and Logan let himself be guided. His hands fumbled, unsure of where they should be, until they found their place on Patton’s hips.

The kiss was short, sweet. When they pulled away, their cheeks were flushed a deep red. Patton traced his thumbs along Logan’s jaw.

Logan felt that every thought in his mind and nerve in his body had been silenced and put into a state of utter serenity.

The moment Patton’s blue eyes met Logan’s brown, Patton dissolved into a fit of giggles. The calmness that had settled in Logan was almost completely reversed until Patton said, “I’ve been waiting for this to happen!”

“Wait, really?” Logan asked.

Patton nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! I was scared that it was never going to because you’re so calm and cool and collected, I was so nervous that this was just one sided!”

At that, Logan couldn’t hold back laughter, either. “Funny that you say that, Patton,” he said. “I have been expressing the same fears to Roman and Virgil for the past couple days. Speaking of which, Roman requested that I give him every detail of this, no matter the results.”

“You had doubts?”

“You know me, Patton, I have to prepare for every possible outcome,” Logan shrugged.

Patton beamed. “Don’t think so much. Just let these things happen, Lo,” he said. He then pulled away from Logan and held out his hand. “So, how about we go tell Roman and Virgil the good news?”

--

Logan and Patton didn’t even have the chance to say anything when they walked in. The moment they walked in hand-in-hand, Roman shot up from sitting at his desk and practically bellowed out, “I called it!”

[theperfectblonde]

Really didn’t want to eat this morning, but I had to drive so I was like nah I’m not gonna be stupid lol.

And then ofc had a snack I don’t normally have and a coffee I normally don’t get either bc I got a last minute model call so my schedule was off, so I weighed in at 168.6lbs (168.2lbs at first but then the scale changed its mind I guess when I went to double check and I record the heavier weight so fuck me I guess 🙃) this morning and it feels like nothing because I feel like I already overate lmao. I mean yeah I definitely felt more confident today, I wore cute clothes and killed my makeup and felt good about myself, and the photographer was saying how much she loved my side profile and how everyone she talks to always comments on it so there were a lot of NSV’s today that made me feel good about myself and I genuinely felt beautiful and mentally wasn’t fixating on being skinny.

But my stomach has just been a wreck lately and I don’t know why, and it really bothers me because I can literally feel my metabolism slowing down lmao. Since I’m not doing a lot of NEAT things or able to go for walks etc. I’m doing workouts inside still but it’s nothing like what I was doing all summer so it feels like I’m slipping even though in reality there’s not a lot I can do about it. I know I just finished my period but I’m sooo bloated so I literally don’t *want* to eat, but I know if I don’t eat at least semi-regularly every day then my metabolism is going to tank and I’ll struggle even more to lose weight. And then fasting does the same, so I don’t want to get stuck in a binge-restrict cycle because I KNOW that fucks with me. Except I’ve been having like urgent diarrhea but hardly anything is coming out because I’m not eating as much but then also still being bloated??? Like idk my stomach is just so all over the place and it makes it hard to gauge my hunger but then also not just straight up starve myself. Like I basically JUST fasted for 36 hours and I KNOW I can’t attempt to do something like that again so soon except I literally don’t want to eat?? Which I know is literally the problem that everyone here wants to have so I sound like a dick venting about it lmao but the problem for me is that when I’m sick I lie down and sleep a lot so I don’t move around enough or have enough energy to do a workout, but the longer I go without doing that the harder it is for me to get back into a routine because I don’t have energy to do anything, and when I lay down a lot my instinct is to not eat at all because I’m not burning anything off, or to overeat because I’m sick and need the extra energy. So laying down not moving + not eating = metabolism crash = less energy = can’t exercise = not as hungry = lowers metabolism etc. etc. so it’s kind of a vicious cycle where my coping mechanisms to offset weight might help short term, but in the long run I know it’s going to take me awhile to bounce back. So like I might be losing weight now, but because I’m not working out it’s probably not fat it’s muscle, and less muscles means lower metabolism again, so whatever I eat like keeps me alive or whatever lmao but it doesn’t really help to feed my muscles so I lose progress on strength and looking toned. Also, being bloated so bad means that I literally *cant* do certain exercises because it’s painful to do them and if I try and push myself it just makes it worse. And no it’s not just an excuse lol it’s an actual thing that I’ve tried to work through before hoping it would go away and it’s painful and I can’t do things properly.

Anyways. Basically tale as old as time; you lose a lot with methods you know are unhealthy but then you gain it all back once your body regulates itself again.

[citrus-feline]

going on facebook is always awful cuz ill want to share something with my dad but then see his most recent post is talking about “commie liberal shitheads” like. dad. is that what he thinks about me? he is definitely at least semi-aware of my political views. he’s accused me of being a communist in highschool back when i thought there was a point in talking to him about issues (but hes not going to change his mind). i dont get it either because he will get livid when i say that capitalism in its current state in america is ruining us despite being one of the people affected most by it. i grew up like hating late-capitalist ideals because i saw what my dad went thru and the hardship he endured trying to raise 3 kids all by himself when he was already having money issues. he grew up poor in a house with 5+ kids in it. is it just conditioning where he trusts a system that is so against him? he only just recently finally got a job that pays fairly for the amount of hardwork he does and his reaction to that isn’t being thankful to his hardwork or even his company, but making posts on facebook about how much he loves the president :/. dad... you’re opposed to raising min wage..... like....... he deserves the money for the work he does cuz hes like a genius with the machines he works but dude. go back 50 years and a job in a similar environment would be min wage. im happy he is getting more money but i wish he would like thank himself or his company instead of someone who perpetuates late-stage capitalism despite all of its harm.

generally i actually think my dad is okay but then i look at what he’s saying about people like me and it upsets me. i once made a post about how older people are so unsupportive to newer generations and he got so mad!! but im expected to see his posts that i can easily apply to myself and just be okay with it. im not gonna fight with my dad cuz like even the possibility of being told to move out will be really hard of my mental health and he takes care of me but........ i wish he was more respectful....... say what you will but the meanest i am to conservatives is when im venting about upsetting things i saw in the news on this website. when it comes to actually talking to people with different views i am really kind and understanding, and even on here i’ve experienced that. i’ve made angry posts before with keywords that attracted conservatives and have gotten angry asks about it before and my response is almost always “im sorry i upset you with that post, i was venting. but i am happy to have a conversation with you about this stuff.”..... i have only like once ever had someone take me up on discussing things in a mature way and separate from a personal post but i like to think that the way i handle it is respectful despite my own disbelief in those types of politics.

him going off on facebook is so bizarre to me because i’ve seen him fight with people in comments before. i’ve heard my sister (who is much stronger than me emotionally) address his posts before only to get into arguments where she will avoid visiting us for months aside from popping in after work or something. and she barely does that anymore. i dont get how he is so happy to keep making such rude posts on a platform that everyone he knows will see. i post on here knowing that maybe one or two people i know in real life will see it, if even that. and THAT makes me nervous! i’ve deleted plenty of posts i was typing up mid-rant because i realized i didnt want people who know me personally to see that! like i know looking at my blog it seems like “oh she doesnt have a filter” but i do!! like once a day i will start writing a vent post only to delete it all without ever posting because i realize it could cause some kind of misunderstanding or bitterness between me and the people i care about who check my blog.

all “bleh i hate capitalism” aside, i don’t understand the disrespect at all. i just dont. i can theoretically look at very conservative people as a group and be bitter about that, and i do sometimes, but i usually try to be mindful that people have opinions for their own reasons and i have to remember that everyone’s experience is different. despite people saying things i disagree with, i still respect them as people and i’m willing to talk about things gently. i much prefer a mature conversation about more heavy stuff as opposed to being yelled at. a mature conversation can lead to things being learned, on both sides. being so vocal about your disdain for people who you could potentially have an actual conversation with upsets me. i go off about politicians and stuff on here but for real if one of them talked to me, one-on-one, i would absolutely still be respectful despite everything i dislike about their policies and behavior as someone of power. the only time i wouldn’t treat someone with respect is if they not only treat me disrespectfully but reject my attempt at keeping things civil. and even then i would give multiple opportunities in an attempt to keep things calm and respectful. when i discuss stuff with people who i disagree with, i listen to them. lots of the time i feel the same about the issue at the end, but hearing a point of view is important. brushing all people who disagree with you away is just in bad taste in my opinion. because there are people who will not believe in what you do but also show respect despite that. there are people who will listen, even if they are secretly a little upset about what you’re saying. conversation is important in any kind of society and for one so polarized in political beliefs like ours i think it should be a requirement to show SOME kind of respect.

it just upsets me how i wont even be heard with some people, like my dad. people who are so stuck in their beliefs that they refuse to even consider looking at them critically. i know the stuff i align myself with isn’t perfect. i know some things people who are head-speakers for in the political groups i openly say i agree with aren’t always exactly what i think. and i know that lots of things won’t be treated as serious as i want them to be. focus can easily be put on things that i think should come later compared to what i care about. i know that “liberals” aren’t perfect. a lot of kids i went to school with were heavily and openly liberal and generally i agreed with them but now and then they would go too far with something, or even just be one of those people who are so up in arms about political stuff that they don’t have any real personal experience with (which is fine, i just wish they wouldn’t act like it was them being attacked instead of the actual people suffering from the real-life issues). i know my beliefs, MY personally beliefs, aren’t perfect. i used to have a lot of trouble realizing something i believed in was not what i thought it was, but now its kinda normal for me. my beliefs for lots of stuff is fluid, but of course because its me, i usually end up aligning with most “liberal” ideals (but, again, theres stuff i disagree with in those groups too). i will ride in my dad’s car where the radio is still on a political station he listens to and some of the stuff they say makes me sick because i disagree with it so much. and i like to think that my dad doesn’t believe all of that. but i dont know because whenever i’ve tried to figure out i’ve just been called a communist who hates freedom, lol. he’s not open to conversation which is really weird to me. cuz like. things change?? opinions aren’t static? people are able to look at things from different angles. its not that hard imo? maybe its just cuz im overly-empathetic but like. i dont... get how its so hard for people to put themselves in others shoes... thats what i primarily do when talking to people about stuff where theres any sort of disagreement. lots of the time ill put myself in their shoes and still come out feeling the same about the topic, but its still important to do that kind of thing to at least get SOME kind of grasp to why they believe what they do.

im not sure why im making so many long political posts lately compared to usual but i feel like this is important stuff to talk about... i dont expect anyone to change their views on shit just reading a post where im getting my frustrations out, but if anything is questionable, i want people to know that i AM open to talking about it personally. if you approach me with respect, i’d be happy to talk to you about stuff. it’s something i practice regularly with non-political stuff in my relationship and with close-friends when something touchy comes up. lots of the times core ideas aren’t changed but we all come out of that stuff with a bit more understanding of the other person and why they think what they do. people aren’t perfect and you will disagree about things. that’s why it should be handled respectfully. if i reacted the way my dad does to people trying to make conversation about more serious things, im pretty sure i wouldn’t have nearly as many friends, lol.